#any more than your perfectionism is mine

[void-tiger]

…I want to see you so badly I could cry. (I don’t expect to. I know I won’t. But.)

[jonnywaistcoat]

Hey, Horrormaster Sims. I have a wildly different question that barely relates to TMA (Sorry about that) but its about your own process. Please, if you could, can you tell me how your first drafts made you feel? I'm on the fence about writing my own thing (not a podcast, and again, not Magnus related, though I have a million little aus for that delightful tragedy you wrote, thank you for that!) But I'm discouraged by the collective notion that first drafts are always terrible, because there's no ... examples I can solidly use to help the dumb anxiety beast in my brain that tells me everyone who is in any way popular popped out a golden turd and not, well, you know. One of my friends said 'Oh I bet Jonathan Sims's first draft was nothing like what he wanted' and I got the bright idea to just. Send you an ask, since you're trapped on this hellsite like I am. Anyway, thanks for reading this (if you do) and if you'd rather ask it privately, I am cool with that. Alternatively, you're a hella busy man with Protocol (you and Alex are making me rabid, i hope you know) and you can just ignore this! Cheers, man, and good words.

To my mind all writing advice, especially stuff that's dispensed as truisms (like "first drafts are always garbage") are only useful inasmuch as such advice prompts you to pay attention to how you write best: what helps your workflow, what inspires you, what keeps you going through the rough bits. There are as many different ways to write (and write well) as there are people who write and so always consider this sort of thing a jumping off point to try out or keep in mind as you gradually figure out your own ways of writing.

On first drafts specifically, I think the wisdom "all first drafts are bad" is a bit of unhelpful oversimplification of the fact that, deadlines notwithstanding, no piece of writing goes out until you decide its ready, so don't get too hung up on your first draft of a thing, because a lot of writers find it much easier to edit a complete work than to try and redraft as they go. It's also important to not let perfectionism or the fact your initial draft isn't coming out exactly how you want stop you from actually finishing the thing, as it's always better to have something decent and done than to have something perfect and abandoned.

But the idea of a "first draft" is also kind of a fluid one. The "first draft" you submit to someone who's commissioned you will probably be one you've already done a bunch of tweaks and edits to, as opposed to the "first draft" you pump out in a frenzy in an over-caffeinated weekend. For my part, my first drafts tend to end up a bit more polished than most, because I'm in the habit of reading my sentences out loud as I write them (a habit picked up from years of audio writing) so I'll often write and re-write a particular sentence or paragraph a few times to get the rhythm right before moving to the next one. This means my first drafts tend to take longer, but are a bit less messy. I'm also a big-time planner and pretty good at sticking to the structures I lay out so, again, tend to front load a lot of stuff so I get a better but slower first draft.

At the end of the day, though, the important thing is to get in your head about it in a good way (How do I write best? what helps me make writing I enjoy and value? What keeps me motivated?) and not in a bad way (What if it's not good enough? What if everyone hates it? What if it doesn't make sense?) so that you actually get it done.

As for how my first drafts made me feel? Terrible, every one of 'em No idea if that's reflective of their quality, though, tbh - I hate reading my own writing until I've had a chance to forget it's mine (I can only ever see the flaws). I suppose there's theoretically a none-zero chance they were pure fragments of True Art and creative perfection, but Alex's editing notes make that seem unlikely.

[byoldervine]

Writing Tips - Beating Perfectionism

1. Recognising writing perfectionism. It’s not usually as literal as “This isn’t 100% perfect and so it is the worst thing ever”, in my experience it usually sneaks up more subtly. Things like where you should probably be continuing on but if you don’t figure out how to word this paragraph better it’s just going to bug you the whole time, or where you’re growing demotivated because you don’t know how to describe the scene 100% exactly as you can imagine it in your head, or things along those lines where your desire to be exact can get in the way of progression. In isolated scenarios this is natural, but if it’s regularly and notably impacting your progress then there’s a more pressing issue

2. Write now, edit later. Easier said than done, which always infuriated me until I worked out how it translates into practice; you need to recognise what the purpose of this stage of the writing process is and when editing will hinder you more than help you. Anything up to and including your first draft is purely done for structural and creative purposes, and trying to impose perfection on a creative process will naturally stifle said creativity. Creativity demands the freedom of imperfection

3. Perfection is stagnant. We all know that we have to give our characters flaws and challenges to overcome since, otherwise, there’s no room for growth or conflict or plot, and it ends up being boring and predictable at best - and it’s just the same as your writing. Say you wrote the absolute perfect book; the perfect plot, the perfect characters, the perfect arcs, the perfect ending, etc etc. It’s an overnight bestseller and you’re discussed as a literary great for all time. Everyone, even those outside of your target demographic, call it the perfect book. Not only would that first require you to turn the perfect book into something objective, which is impossible, but it would also mean that you would either never write again, because you can never do better than your perfect book, or you’ll always write the exact same thing in the exact same way to ensure constant perfection. It’s repetitive, it’s boring, and all in all it’s just fearful behaviour meant to protect you from criticism that you aren’t used to, rather than allowing yourself to get acclimated to less than purely positive feedback

4. Faulty comparisons. Comparing your writing to that of a published author’s is great from an analytical perspective, but it can easily just become a case of “Their work is so much better, mine sucks, I’ll never be as good as them or as good as any ‘real’ writer”. You need to remember that you’re comparing a completely finished draft, which likely underwent at least three major edits and could have even had upwards of ten, to wherever it is you’re at. A surprising number of people compare their *first* draft to a finished product, which is insanity when you think of it that way; it seems so obvious from this perspective why your first attempt isn’t as good as their tenth. You also end up comparing your ability to describe the images in your head to their ability to craft a new image in your head; I guarantee you that the image the author came up with isn’t the one their readers have, and they’re kicking themselves for not being able to get it exactly as they themselves imagine it. Only the author knows what image they’re working off of; the readers don’t, and they can imagine their own variation which is just as amazing

5. Up close and too personal. Expanding on the last point, just in general it’s harder to describe something in coherent words than it is to process it when someone else prompts you to do so. You end up frustrated and going over it a gazillion times, even to the point where words don’t even look like words anymore. You’ve got this perfect vision of how the whole story is supposed to go, and when you very understandably can’t flawlessly translate every single minute detail to your satisfaction, it’s demotivating. You’re emotionally attached to this perfect version that can’t ever be fully articulated through any other medium. But on the other hand, when consuming other media that you didn’t have a hand in creating, you’re viewing it with perfectly fresh eyes; you have no ‘perfect ideal’ of how everything is supposed to look and feel and be, so the images the final product conjures up become that idealised version - its no wonder why it always feels like every writer except you can pull off their visions when your writing is the only one you have such rigorous preconceived notions of

6. That’s entertainment. Of course writing can be stressful and draining and frustrating and all other sorts of nasty things, but if overall you can’t say that you ultimately enjoy it, you’re not writing for the right reasons. You’ll never take true pride in your work if it only brings you misery. Take a step back, figure out what you can do to make things more fun for you - or at least less like a chore - and work from there

7. Write for yourself. One of the things that most gets to me when writing is “If this was found and read by someone I know, how would that feel?”, which has lead me on multiple occasions to backtrack and try to be less cringe or less weird or less preachy or whatever else. It’s harder to share your work with people you know whose opinions you care about and whose impressions of you have the potential of shifting based on this - sharing it to strangers whose opinions ultimately don’t matter and who you’ll never have to interact with again is somehow a lot less scary because their judgements won’t stick. But allowing the imaginary opinions of others to dictate not even your finished project, but your unmoderated creative process in general? Nobody is going to see this without your say so; this is not the time to be fussing over how others may perceive your writing. The only opinion that matters at this stage is your own

8. Redirection. Instead of focusing on quality, focusing on quantity has helped me to improve my perfectionism issues; it doesn’t matter if I write twenty paragraphs of complete BS so long as I’ve written twenty paragraphs or something that may or may not be useful later. I can still let myself feel accomplished regardless of quality, and if I later have to throw out whole chapters, so be it

9. That’s a problem for future me. A lot of people have no idea how to edit, or what to look for when they do so, so having a clear idea of what you want to edit by the time the editing session comes around is gonna be a game-changer once you’re supposed to be editing. Save the clear work for when you’re allocating time for it and you’ll have a much easier and more focused start to the editing process. It’ll be more motivating than staring blankly at the intimidating word count, at least

10. The application of applications. If all else fails and you’re still going back to edit what you’ve just wrote in some struggle for the perfect writing, there are apps and websites that you can use that physically prevent you from editing your work until you’re done with it. If nothing else, maybe it can help train you away from major edits as you go

[hairybirthdayclown]

vi. astrology notes

*(not a pro. just for fun)

• i think cancer placements are quite intimidating & no one mentions this. any placement can be intimidating if they're in the wrong crowd but specifically for cancer, people who are not in tune with their feelings can find them quite intimidating. especially their overly emotional tendancies that can rub some people the wrong way. that's why they're quite hated because society was wired to deem such behaviour as weak.

• a mix of cancer & virgo in a natal chart can make someone very open to dealing with unpleasant feelings if it's something that has do be done in order to progress. i think they're also the type to have a "i'll do_____ when i become_____" mentality especially with 6H placements in the chart because they tend to be prone to perfectionism.

• just an observation, but from what i've gathered from my cringey/annoying classmates i had in highschool, most of them had air/fire Sun signs.

to clarify, when i say cringey i mean yelling tiktok audios which would disrupt class or saying unnecessary 'jokes' in which the teachers awkwardly & PAINFULLY had to fake laugh at. everyday was torture but they were a bit friendly. annoying would be randomly starting a fight with a teacher for a stupid reason.

• a person who i've been involved with that had the best energy & aura from all the people i've come across had Sun, Mercury & Mars opposite Uranus and Moon square Uranus. people who have a generational planet as one of their dominant planets have a very striking presence.

• i don't know if this has any sort of significance but my friends 3H cusp is in 10° & she doesn't like using slang unironically or altering her speech with whatever is trending on the internet at the moment like how most people incorporate it in theirs. she hates the word 'rizz' & etc.

• you can never go wrong with astrocartography. the place in which i'm going for higher education at is exactly where my Jupiter line is which will grant me growth, travel & major opportunities.

speaking of astrocartography, a friend of mine lives on her Pluto line & she constantly mentions how she wants to get out of the country & move away. not because it's anything severe but she says she has always felt the urge to leave.

• the last time Mars was transiting my 3H, my cousin got recruited for the military (Mars represents war), my other external family members were always being talked about by my parents more than usual in an disrespectful manner & one of my uncles was being quite demanding/assertive.

• as clichè as it sounds, a guy i know regularly travels to visit his mom & he has the Moon in 9H. my brother who has the same placement travels too from where he lives just to come home. the Moon represents your family, maternal figure & the 9H represents long distance travel.

• it can be difficult for people who have Mars square Neptune to manifest because you might be conflicted with how easy it is. they would rather achieve their goals the practical way especially if Mars is in aries, scorpio & capricorn. getting things out of the blue without doing the work might demotivate them.

thanks for reading :)

[amourdivine]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 💌 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔?

At last, another Tumblr pick a card reading. After reading started on Youtube, I've realized I missed the written PAC's I used to make once I got to Tumblr. Today, let's take a peek at this person's intentions! I hope you enjoy it & please don’t forget to provide feedback, if you will; If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

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none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise.

how to choose your pile.  take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. which pile sparks a feeling inside you? which pile gives you a strong memory or calls out to you the most? take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

♡ ♡ ♡     pick a card masterlist & information.

disclaimer. this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

PILE 001.

the artist • the lovers • the hierophant

It is possible you are in a relationship with this person, and if not, they wish to be in a relationship with you soon. This person wants commitment, they have a vision of a life with you, but they may be wrapped up in perfectionism - nothing major. They want to make sure you have a solid foundation to grow upon, like laying the groundwork for a good relationship to blossom. This person is very patient as well, I'm sensing Capricorn or Taurus. They think you're very beautiful, pretty much the whole package, pile one.

The Artist in this deck is an extra major arcana card (I'm using the Ethereal Visions Tarot) that speaks of vision and I honestly believe this person envisions more than just a casual relationship with you. Even if they take their sweet time, they want to make sure both of you are compatible, ready for something deeper, for a responsible and mature relationship to one another. Overall, I see very pure, gentle and benevolent intentions from them towards you. ♡

additional messages. pluto in scorpio, long distance relationship, long term commitment, far away/distance, old school, 95, 90, travel, sagittarius, 333, 888, ten of cups, lover of mine, forever, secure attachment.

channeled song. caroline by patrick droney.

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PILE 002.

judgement • justice • ten of pentacles.

Whether romantic or not, this person wants to apologize to you. They want to make it right, correct their wrongs and come clean to you. If this person lied or screwed up big time in your connection, they want to tell you they've learnt their lesson. It probably came as a bitter, rude awakening or some sort of very unwanted wake-up call. I think they reminisce on a lot of memories the two of you made and it's possible you've known them for a long time - I see some sort of family tie here. Either you know each other's families or you are literally like family to one another.

They want to talk to you so bad, pile two. There are so many songs in my head (and shuffled in my playlist) about apologizing, righting one's wrongs and wanting to be in one another's life again. I think they want to make amends and finally be honest. I get the energy from you that you're "done" with them, you may have gotten tired of their excuses or empty promises... but if you haven't, consider hearing them out. They're sorry and want to provide you some closure at the very least. ♡

additional messages. scorpio rising, end of the world, bad blood, bastille, wild youth, reckless, "you were my best friend", "how could you", ten of swords, teen drama, betrayal, party animal.

channeled song. blender by 5 seconds of summer.

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PILE 003.

queen of pentacles • ten of wands • seven of pentacles

The energy of this pile feels more platonic, but it can still be romantic for some of you. Either way, this seems like someone who wants to care for you in some type of way, to ease your burdens, to let you rely on them. Their intentions are pure, but you may not be used to accepting help from anyone, pile three. It's understandable.

However, I think this is someone other people may often label as a "safe person". I also heard "earth angel", so some of you may resonate with the term. This person wants to offer you a way out of a difficult situation and I don't see them being forceful or pushy about it, so they'll wait until you ask for them to help you or to accept their help. They see the potential in you to have a brilliant and good future. For some of you, this could be an older figure, like a mother or grandmother, maybe a teacher or someone who's already well-established in their profession. This person wants to ease your anxiety and to make sure you don't feel so alone. They care for you a lot. I think your guides want you to rely on people a bit more often, pile three, to become more interdependent, especially if you're going through something. ♡

additional messages. "count on me", sit on the rooftop, friendship, reconnect, burnout, 777, growth, sustainability, college, agriculture, blossom, bloom, midlife crisis, triggers, red alert, hypervigilance.

channeled song. thinking about you by forester.

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PILE 004.

five of swords • the emperor • the fool

I was really hoping all piles would pass the vibe check (lol), but it seems that this person's intentions are muddy... I feel like I'm slowly drowning in quicksand but it's hard to tell if I'm truly in danger or not. Their intentions aren't all that clear, but these intentions aren't good. They seem to be someone driven by a need for control towards others. If you have argued or had a falling out with this person, they do wish to reconnect but I don't think they have changed. The Fool here feels more so like you, as if they want to make a fool out of you.

I wouldn't consider this person an enemy, but they're more of a frenemy. They may say things that hurt you, but talk their way out of an apology. Here's the thing, even if they do wish to reconnect, as I mentioned, I don't think they want to make right by you. They miss some sort of power they felt or even had over you. This person could be very competitive and perhaps having you in their life gave them a kind of advantage over others - they may see things as very "black & white", no nuance or dialogue. It will definitely do you good to stay away from them, pile three. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you already caught onto this person's sneaky ways. ♡

additional messages. player, loser, aries, gemini, "i could never figure you out", "i hate you for what you did", drake, leave me blue, trouble, playlist, dubstep, losing faith, outta here, liar.

channeled song. who by lauv ft. bts | twin flame by montana janel (bonus song + the lyrics are very relevant)

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amourdivine. © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[onyourowndaisymae]

hi!!!!!! can i request the minecraft post u did for the dateables but for the brothers? i love ur writing sm it's so cute <3333

obey me brothers playing minecraft with you

thank you so much for the love <33 this was actually a lot of fun to write because all of these men are so very ridiculous. cheers to my first ever request!

[dateables version]

content warnings: language, bullying the villagers, killing the animals, you know how minecraft is

prompt: you've somehow convinced these guys to play minecraft, a human world game, one night, just the two of you. but how exactly does that experience go?

{established relationship, obey me x reader with the brothers}

Lucifer

oh. oh peepaw.

you really have to coax this man into playing with you. he's perfect at everything, all the time-- to engage in activity like this one, in front of you of all people, wounds his ego more than he'd like to admit. he doesn't want you to see him be bad at something. what if you no longer respect him? what if his inability to comprehend the little block people's actions are enough to ruin your love for him? he's genuinely distressed about this (not that he'd let it show), but you seem interested, so he reluctantly agrees.

two key things are necessary when playing minecraft with lucifer: patience and teamwork.

leaving him to do any task alone is daunting. the perfectionism paralyzes him a bit in these moments. take him with you! collect wood together, mine in the same mineshaft, hunt monsters together-- all of it starts to ease his mind when you work together. he starts to focus not on his pride but his love for you and spending quality time by your side.

as time progresses, he does eventually get a grip in the controls and mechanics-- well, as much as you can expect a dinosaur like him to understand. you still do a lot of tasks together in-game, but it's more of camaraderie thing by that point. he just likes being by your side, okay? don't make him say it, or you'll be hunting monsters by yourself bestie.

lucifer is also a really big fan of the soundtrack. it's so simple yet well-composed, a stark different to that garish video game music levi listens to. please play with the sound up and let him enjoy the sound of the rain intermingling with the music; his relaxed face is very cute.

Mammon

what's that? you wanna play minecraft with the great mammon? of course you do! he's gonna be the best player you've ever seen, just ya wait-- what's that? no, he's never touched the game before, but he knows he'll be fantastic. watch and learn, baybee, cuz the great mammon is here to show up and show out.

what he lacks in skill, he makes up several times over in enthusiasm. this is important, because he absolutely lacks skill.

mammon is a dangerous combination of unobservant and overenthusiastic, leading to every stupid situation you can think of. he thinks he sees an important resource, so he leaves for juuust a second... boom. he's lost. he somehow manages to attract lava in every. single. cave. at this point, you have to ban him from carrying anything important.

one thing he is good at is monster hunting. he's made it his mission from day 1 to protect you, whether it be real life or in a video game. he'll face a monster-- enderman, creeper, sneaky skeleton, you name it-- without an ounce of fear if it means you'll live another in-game day (some might call this excessive, but you just call it cute).

like everything with mammon, sometimes his instinct to protect you goes overboard. he tries to ban you from entering the mines and going outside at night because what if a monster gets you, human?? fortunately for you, he never figured out how to run in-game, so just sprint past him and carry on.

on a completely unrelated note-- this greedy motherfucker (said with SO much affection) hordes all the treasures in-game like a dragon. his goal is to build you two a mansion of diamond and gold. this is very cute if you once again ignore the fact that he keeps FALLLING IN LAVA with all his vauables. y'all are never getting anywhere in this game.

Leviathan

levi is, hands down, the best person to play minecraft with. you don't have to teach him a thing-- in fact, he's probably the one that brought it up to you!

he's very pleased that you'd indulge in one of his hobbies like this, regardless of whether you actually play video games or not. just the thought of you there, sitting next to him, hanging out with him because you want to be around a shut-in otaku like him... the thought gives him butterflies.

... y'all can't actually share a house by the way. he gets too flustered. make a joke about putting your minecraft beds together and he's blushing. it does not matter how long you've been together, his reaction will always be the same.

he's one of the only ones that you can progress through the game with. bashful levi is amazing in the mines. he's got a system down pat that'll help you guys find your way back to the entry point, where he's set up a base camp with chests and resources so you won't have to resurface until you're done. smart, right?

y'all actually go to the nether and the end. he's very quick to pick up the game's mechanics and use his luck to to help you guys progress. every victory is shared; what's the fun of winning if you're not winning together?

levi will play with you basically any time you ask. he loves when you refer to it as "our minecraft world". better yet, praise him for all his hard work in making your world and watch him melt. he's just a sucker for your love, and the fact that he's actually good at this activity makes him all the more happy to do it with you.

Satan

satan doesn't really know much about this game that you're describing, but he's willing to play it with you if you're really that interested. he's always ready to learn more about things from the human world; when you tell him this is one of the most popular games up on earth, he wants to try it at least once.

satan is not the best in general at video games, but he's quick-witted and resourceful, so the two of you get by just fine. the problem mostly lies in the fact that satan's audacity gets you into trouble sometimes. there is no little voice in his head telling him not to do something potentially dangerous and stupid, especially if there's some reward to gain on the other side. he is fully convinced he can take on an iron golem with a stone sword and no armor, just you watch--

be carefully with letting him run around freely. there's lots of ways to die in this game, and each failure pokes at the embers of wrath below his cool exterior.

this intelligent lil guy figures out redstone pretty damn quick. he'll use this knowledge to create lots of little creations meant to make your camp better. whether or not this actually helps is an entirely different story... but look! a gate! aren't you so proud of him? (please praise him, he needs it so bad)

and you wouldn't be playing with satan if all progress didn't come to a stop the moment he spots an ocelot. when you tell him you can befriend them, he's overjoyed. look at how cute they are! one ocelot turns into two, then three, then four... suddenly there's a small army of ocelots in your house that he's caring for. y'all better make room in your joint minecraft bed or satan will feel like a bad cat dad. he's so ridiculous and i love him

Asmodeus

this man plays minecraft with his priorities straight-- he spends way too long creating a cute character skin to play with, then builds a cute house and decorates it to the nines, then focuses on finding himself the cutest armor and weapons... all before doing literally anything productive, btw.

do not expect asmodeus to be much help. he's mostly there for moral support. he cannot do things "for survival" like gathering food and resources or building a starter home. everything must be perfect, or it doesn't get done. asmo did not craft himself a bed until he was able to dye the wool pink and have a cute pink bed. he cannot bring himself to live in an ugly house, so you either need to help him or listen to him whine about getting rained on or attacked by monsters until he's done.

this is not to imply that playing with asmo is not fun!!

asmo is not a monster hunter, a miner, or any good at gathering resources. however, his experience with makeup makes him insanely creative. while you might not have a house for several days, the end result even gives barbatos' house a run for its money. his decor is always very cute and clean, soft even in the blocky 2D world. he'll make your whole base camp aesthetically pleasing if you let him (please let him-- his smile is worth it).

asmo often finds himself a damsel in distress. he'll fall in holes and get very confused, scream when he gets attacked, and generally need you to protect him at every turn. succeed, though, and he'll hail you as one of the most amazing people he's ever met. the game will be discarded as he throws his arms around you, kissing you all over the face and showering you in praises, all for saving his house from a stray creeper.

oh, and he'll definitely put your beds next to each other and smirk at you. what did you expect from the avatar of lust? cornball

Beelzebub

sweet, beloved baby beel. he's ready and willing to play with you whenever. if you want to make some actual progress, prepare lots of snacks and set a cozy atmosphere to keep him full and content. playing with the avatar of gluttony does require a little prep in that regard.

this (metaphorical) angel really has a hard time killing any of the livestock. he apologizes aloud anytime he has to slay one and explains to the poor creature why he's killing them. sorry, little sheep guy, but you two need to make beds. the cows make him feel especially bad because they remind him of belphie.

he's really big on making sure you guys have a secure, safe home to hide away in. sometimes, things get really overwhelming in the game, so he wants you to have a space where you feel safe and protected enough to calm down. this bunker is definitely a bit ugly, but we can't win them all.

play with him long enough and all the food will start looking really tasty to him. that bread looks a little too real, doesn't it, mc? and that cake is so life-like... redirect him to his snack horde, stat.

he also wants to do all of your tasks together. when he's there with you, he can make sure you're safe or offer you help when your struggling to complete a task on your own. he want to make sure you're having fun! let him help you, please, it makes him feel loved. he likes spending time with you.

definitely doesn't get the "putting your minecraft beds together" joke. you can either explain the to him and watch him blush, or let him live with the assumption that it's for extra cuddle room.

Belphegor

you've got to coax belphie into playing with you for a few days, because honestly? that sounds like a lot of work. not only does he have to participate, but he's also got to learn, too? he's already yawning just talking about it all.

he'll eventually snuggle in with his back against your chest and your arms clumsily holding the controller in front of him. he doesn't particularly care that this position makes gaming difficult for you, not when you're cuddling him like this. it's really a win-win situation in his eyes: he'll play the little block game if you shower him in unconditional affection any time he wants. what a deal! his youngest child energy really shows in times like these.

belphie is heartless when it comes to raiding villages and collecting resources. what's that? you feel bad? they're not real, mc. they don't have feelings. they don't care that you're stealing from them. if it really makes you feel bad he'll stop, but he will complain about how much easier things could have been if you'd just robbed a village or two.

somehow, some way, he's also super lucky?? he'll stumble upon rare resources with little to no effort and snicker about how you're still scrambling for supplies. don't worry, he'll share. only if you beg, though. go on. he wants to hear it. maybe, maybe he'll be willing to give you the diamonds he found if you convince him. (what a fucking menace!)

he will, eventually, fall asleep while playing. the music is too soft and your arms around him are too warm for him to not drift off. that's okay. carefully take the controller away from him, save the game, shut down the system, and settle in for the night. he'll cuddle closer in his sleep, unconsciously touched by the gesture, and drag you into dreamland with him.

[grison-in-space]

Hi! Just wanted to say, re:veganism discourse: Excellent Opinions, Great Delivery, Immaculate Vibes 👍 have a great day :)

cheers, ty! it is honestly sort of surprising to me that folks are reading along--as I said to someone else in DMs, I kind of figured that response was mostly something I was putting together in my own head, so I'm pleasantly surprised it's resonating with other people.

I am also just. :| not thrilled to have to be typing up all these "and here's how caring about animal welfare can radicalize you down all these shitty pathways if you add X and Y and Z" because at the end of the day I do think all species are worthy of basic respect; at the end of the day I do think there's nothing fundamentally better about me as a human than any other species. At the end of the day it actually matters a lot to me that my research mice are kept with as much enrichment as I can give them and that their lives and bodies and effort are honored and used wisely. It matters to me that the dogs I teach and the people I teach to train their dogs are learning with minimum stress and maximal confidence. These are all really important planks of my personal code of ethics!

It sucks to feel like I need to sit down and enumerate all the reasons that I think this other perspective of people who start in the same place I do--animals are neat individuals who encompass both the alien and the familiar, which share our lives in a multitude of ways--has developed in such a way that I think it encourages a really toxic way of relating both to animals and ourselves. In general I prefer to focus on places where I can agree with other folks, even if their opinions are different from mine. Someone in the notes brought up "struggle sessions," which are kind of the epitome of toxicity within the left: good values and a desire to help one another get so channeled through perfectionism and backbiting that you wind up with people gathering to literally torture and destroy each other. (Not just in China, either; it keeps happening, cf. Synanon in the US and the dissolution of the Japanese United Red Army.) That's not the kind of way I want to interact with people I'm supposed to be working together with.

So I try not to do that shit too much. I think about the places where people who have values just like mine go down rabbit holes and wind up in bad places, and I try and build barriers so I don't get burned out and angry and dissolve in a puff of flame. (I'm not directly engaging further with this anon for that reason, actually.) But just--aaaaaaaaauuuughhh, ARAs really irritate me because I can see where the roots are, and yet the entire ideology means that there essentially can't be listening. You can see that in the way I'm sitting here going "No, I know what your ideas are, here's why I have rejected them," and still I am getting exhortations to just listen and understand about ARA ideology. No. I did that, the last time there were protests about it in my workplace I went ahead and read the actual detailed IACUC reports released by FOIA that the protestors were shouting about, and bluntly it was a) not convincing and b) exactly the same appeals to emotional knee-jerk reactions and emotional flooding that I decried yesterday. Twenty years I have been checking my responses to these people, and it's never anything different.

I don't think that removing emotion totally from ethics and morals is wise or even possible--we use emotion for decisionmaking and encoding our values, after all, a person without emotion literally cannot decide things--but I do not like or tolerate subcultures that won't leave space to sit, think, and let the first knee-jerk rush of gut response die down. Sometimes, often, I do decide that my gut reaction is right! But I need the space to sit the fuck down and think about it, and if you take that to an ARA space you will mostly get flooded with more emotionally reactive imagery until you agree or leave. And that is coercive.

[smut-angel]

something new & something blue

do you ever have a consistent daydream? like every time you start to daydream it’s the same one? well this is mine so i obviously had to write it. enjoy!

warnings: cursing, arguing & implications of sex (+ not my best ending lol)

“baby, try this.” carmen holds a fork up to your lips and watches you intently as you bite the fresh hot food that it sits on. your eyes widen as the flavors combine on your tongue.

“fuck, that’s good. is that for the new menu?” you ask while covering your full mouth. carmen smiles at your positive review and runs his hands through his curls.

"no, actually. it's for the wedding."

“what do you mean? i thought you called the caterers this morning.” carmen nods at your words, seeing you lean against the kitchen counter and cross your arms in his peripheral vision. fuck, here we go,he thinks.

“yeah, i did but i changed my mind.” your fiancée made sure not to make eye contact with you as he told you this, sensing that you were starting to grow angry with him.

“let me get this straight,” you start, shifting your weight to your left leg. “you changed your mind on our wedding plans?” hearing the tone of your voice change to annoyance made his ears ring with slight regret, yet he persisted with his alibi.

“it’s not a big deal, alright? it’s cheaper, it’s easier, plus you know i can cook better than any of those fucks uptown!” this made you roll your eyes as it was obvious that carmen’s ego was wrapped into this decision. “just let me handle the menu,” he added. you looked at him in complete disbelief.

“no, you’re not handling shit! i’m not letting you cook for our wedding. end of story.” you walk away but carmen isn’t letting you get the last word. his footsteps echo behind your own as you find your way to the bedroom.

“just think about it-“

“i did, and i hate it. call the caterers.”

“no!”

“carmy, we need to feed 167 people!”

“the guys at the restaurant can help! and i’ve fed more people back in new york in just an hour-“

“yeah, but not on your wedding day!” you yell, walking away for a second time to the opposite side of the bedroom. you sigh loudly, plopping down the bed with a slouch. carmen’s eyes soften at the sight of your exhaustion.

“i know you love cooking. i get it, it’s your whole...thing. it’s just that we should be spending time together on the week of our wedding, not slaving away in a kitchen for all those fucking people.” as you vented at the plain white wall of the bedroom you both shared, carmen couldn’t have felt more stupid in that very moment. soon, you felt his weight on the bed next to you.

“and you’re right,” you added. “you can cook better than those fucks uptown, but i could eat cold pizza for all i fucking care. i just wanna marry you.” finally, you look at him, your eyes brimming slightly with tears.

you never thought planning a wedding was easy but no one ever told you it was this hard. while in the middle of transitioning “the beef” into “the bear,” carmen found time to propose to you, but life wasn’t getting any easier and the wedding date was quickly approaching. as you and your husband-to-be worked on last minute wedding details, anxiety seemed to creep up on you day by day. the slightest inconveniences felt like the end of the world.

eyes not leaving yours, carmen's hand cups your cheek and you lean into it, feeling instant comfort in his warm skin against your own. “i’m an idiot,” he whispers. first he pecks your nose, then your forehead, and cheek.

"i just want everything to be perfect."

"me too," you agree as you press your forehead onto his. carmen couldn't help it. cooking is his love language and the perfectionism and need for control that riddled his personality made him feel like cooking at his own wedding as the best idea for everyone. he felt a sharp pang in his chest at the fact that he didn’t even think about the implications of this idea.

finally, you lean into his lips, moaning at the relief that overwhelmed your body at the sensation. it wasn't long before you were both kissing each other hungrily, you straddling his lap as his arms wrapped around your waist.

"so you're gonna....you're gonna call them back?" you manage to say as you are out breath from making out. carmen began to attack your neck with furious kisses and bites.

"i'll do whatever you want, angel," he mumbles in your neck, groaning at how you began to roll your hips over top of him. you giggled at his desperate tone, peeling him off your neck and this time, taking his face into your palms.

"i'm so sorry. seriously, it was selfish of me."

"it's okay, bear. you're forgiven" carmen nearly melts at the sound of his nickname coming from your lips.

"so, now what?" he asks, his hands gliding from your waist, up your back, and down again. you smirk as you began to feel what he was trying getting at.

"what do you have in mind?" you tease, grinding your hips against him a bit harder. carmen hisses as the tent in his pants grows, pulling at your waistband.

"i need you," he whines.

"and i need you..." you trail off, running your hands up and down his chest, driving carmen even more crazy. "...to call the caterers." with that, you quickly hop off his lap, biting your lip as you hear carmen curse and chase you down the hallway.

[vodika-vibes]

Fox with fem!reader "prove it" from the how to respond to I want you prompts :3 with reader saying it pretty please 🥺👉👈

Make Me Believe

Summary: Commander Fox has been your friend for months now, and now he wants more. Not that you're complaining.

Pairing: Commander Fox x F!Reader

Word Count: 1138

Warnings: Smut

Tagging: @trixie2023

A/N: You want me to write a semi-smutty fic about the actual love of my life and the owner of my entire heart? Oh, well if you insist, lol. I', honestly not happy with the smut portion of this, but I'm pretty sure that that's my perfectionism coming out to play. So I hope this is close to what you wanted?

Divider by Saradika

“You know, you could have chosen literally any other job,” You look up from your datapad and smile at Commander Fox, who’s standing in the doorway to your office, his helmet hanging from his fingers. “Pretty thing like you, you must have had other opportunities other than being the Personal Assistant to the Supreme Chancellor.”

“Well, I considered stripping, but I’m afraid I’m about as coordinated as a drunk three legged masiff.” You joke as you set your datapad to the side, and when your joke is answered with a small smile from Fox, you feel a surge of elation. 

He enters your office, and leans his hip against your desk, “I dunno, mesh’la. You’re pretty enough, I bet your clumsiness would be a boon when it comes to dancing.” He teases lightly, as he sets his helmet on an empty spot on your desk.

“Yeah? Would you be one of my repeat customers?” You ask with a grin.

He tilts his head and some of his hair falls into his face, “Yeah,” He finally says, “I would.” Fox’s gaze is serious, “I’d be there everyday to watch you dance.”

You laugh softly and favor Fox with a warm smile, “I was joking, Fox.”

His gaze doesn’t waver from your face, “I wasn’t.”

Your lips part in surprise, “You…what?”

“I want you.” His voice is slow, thoughtful, as if he’s judging your reaction to his words even as he says them. “I have for a while now,” He adds easily.

You could have said anything. A relationship with the Marshall Commander of the Coruscant Guard is a bad idea. He’s a coworker, a friend, and if it goes wrong you run the risk of losing one of your best friends.

But-

You stare at him for a moment longer, “Prove it.” The words fall from your lips in a whisper, and you flush red and clamp your hand over your mouth, “Erm…I mean…”

A grin crosses Fox’s face. It’s sharp and triumphant, and he immediately stops leaning on your desk to stand over you, “I can do that, cyar’ika.” He says as he silently urges you to your feet with a gentle touch.

And then he tugs your arm and you stumble into his chest, his hands immediately settle on your hips and grip tightly. You look up at him, your face still heated with flustered embarrassment, and he grins at you as he bumps his forehead against yours.

“Fox…” You murmur his name softly, and he hums in return.

“Love how you say my name,” He says softly, his hands tighten around your hips and he lifts you to sit you on the edge of your desk and his hands swiftly push your skirt up over your hips so he’s able to settle himself between your legs, but he never once takes his gaze off your face.

You press your hands against his cheeks, your thumb tracing the scar over his nose, “I don’t say it any special way,” You reply quietly, afraid that if you speak too loudly the feel of the room will change.

“Mm. Gonna make you moan my name, want to hear how that sounds.” His lips hover just over yours, and he grins when you lean in to try and close the distance, but he stays just out of reach.

“Fox,” You groan his name in frustration.

His grin broadens, “And then I’m going to make you scream my name, baby. That way everyone knows that you’re mine.”

You squirm against him, “Fox,” his name is a whine this time, “I want to kiss you.”

“You’re not very patient at all, are you, cyar’ika?”

Your pout becomes obvious, “You said you were gonna prove that you wanted me.” You remind him petulantly. 

His eyes glitter with amusement, “Oh, I am.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, “But…?”

“But, I’m kind of curious how long it’ll take me to get you to beg for my cock, cyar’ika.” Fox replies.

Your jaw drops, and you huff indignantly, “I am not going to beg-” Your sentence is cut off with a ragged moan when he drags one of his gloved fingers over your still covered pussy.

“Oh, my sweet cyar’ika.” He coos, “You’re definitely going to beg.” Now that he has your attention, his touch becomes feather light as he ghosts his fingers up and down your thighs, and totally ignores the spot you want him to touch the most.

You squirm against him, “You’re the worst, Fox.”

“Am I?” He asks teasingly, his lips finally catching your own in a deep kiss, before he drags his lips to your throat and starts nipping on the tender skin there to leave a trail of red marks.

Your breath catches in your throat, “The absolute worst,” You confirm as another shaky moan falls from you.

“So,” The hand that isn’t relentlessly teasing you, moves to your top and starts unfastening buttons, “Does that mean I should stop?” He teases as he pushes your shirt off your shoulders and deftly unfastens your bra and tosses it to the side as well, “Since I’m the worst, after all.” His hand immediately moves to your breast and he lightly pinches one of your nipples, and is rewarded with a moan.

You smile slyly, “Well I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Fox.” His name falls from your lips in a purr, and Fox’s fingers pause where they are.

He blinks at you, dumbly, for a moment, and then he grins, “You’re going to have to prove that to me, princess.” Fox replies. 

“What? Now?” You sputter.

“Later.” Fox corrects.

“What makes you think you get a later?” You challenge him.

Fox’s smile becomes smug, “I have you half naked and wet on your own desk, Princess. And I haven’t even really touched you yet.”

Your face heats again, and you avert your gaze. 

Fox lightly grips your chin and turns your head so you’re looking at him, “You’re beautiful,” He whispers, “Absolute perfection.” 

Your face heats even more, “Fox…”

“I want you so badly.”

You lean in and crash your lips against his, “Make me believe it,” You whisper against his lips.

Fox rips one of his gloves off and tosses it to the side, and then he slides your panties down your legs. And then, finally, he brushes his thumb over your clit, and your hips jerk towards him. “Going to make you feel amazing, cyar’ika.” He breathes against your lips.

“Thought you were going to make me beg,” You tease him as a shuddering moan falls from your lips when he eases a single finger in you and starts to thrust shallowly.

“That’s still the plan,” He replies before he kisses your jaw, “No need to worry, Princess. You’re going to get everything you need.”

[winterandwords]

For the writers living with chronic illness and physical disability

I'm going to get into writing and posting this while my brain is still half asleep and before I change my mind because it feels too personal and I don't do that online. Please excuse any typos.

Comments on a recent post of mine about wanting to write but not being able to got me thinking. I'm chronically ill and physically disabled. I have been for most of my adult life (I'm 42 now). It's been progressing slowly throughout that time and more rapidly over the last few years. It is what it is.

I don't talk about it in detail on the internet because it's impossible for me (not saying other people can't do this) to accurately represent the full experience in a way I feel comfortable with while still engaging enjoyably with an interest-based community, which is what I'd rather be doing here.

Also, people get fucking weird about it. I have no patience for *pat on the head* "well done for existing" consolation-prize pity bullshit or inspirational cripple bullshit. Equally, I have no patience for being dragged into a who-has-it-worse competition that I'm never going to take part in because I don't see the world that way or a what-about-me-ism-fuelled derailment session.

This shit is complicated. I'm on Tumblr to write and to talk about writing. But if I'm also quietly dealing with all that other stuff alongside making up some guys (gender non-specific) in my head and putting them in situations, I know some of you are too.

And you know what? It's hard. I know it is. We live in an inaccessible world and so many parts of that world and so many people in it can be brutally hostile towards chronic illness and physical disability in ways that still shake me to my core when I encounter them. It no longer surprises me, but it still fucks me up on the regular.

But listen. YOU ARE CREATING. You're doing something huge and worthy and valuable and fucking difficult. You're carrying the weight of all that other shit and YOU ARE STILL CREATING. It might take you longer than you'd like and you might be doing it in ways that are far from ideal, but you are still doing it.

You might feel excluded from communities and events and conversations, not necessarily because anyone is intentionally excluding you, but because you have no option other than to do the sick-person version of things and it's impossible not to feel like you're on the outside looking in sometimes when that's your experience.

The point of all this is that I want you to know with my whole heart that YOU ARE SEEN. Your strength and your determination and your sadness and your rage and your pain and your more-able days and your rock-bottom days are all seen.

Your challenges and your messiness and your perfectionism and your complexity and your dichotomies and the unrealistic standards and demands you have internalised from existing in an ableist society are witnessed and felt, widely and deeply, and with a solidarity unshakable enough to hang bridges from.

I'm not going to tell you that you're good enough, because it should go without saying. I am going to tell you that you're not alone, because that does need to be said. You are so much more than a conditionally-acceptable exception and you deserve to reach and exist beyond the boundaries of the small boxes you get shoved into without your consent or permission. YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE.

Alright? Alright. Keep going 💜

In case this gains any sort of traction and people start replying to it or reblogging it, I want to make something very clear. I am also neurodivergent. That is not what this post is about. I also have lifelong experience of mental illness and trauma. That is not what this post is about. This post is about chronic illness and physical disability and it's for people who are living with those specific things, whether or not they're also living with the other things.

So, in the most loving way, if you have something to say that isn't about that, this isn't the place to say it. Thanks.

[nattspencer]

Awakening

Lady Lesso X Reader

Summary: Always competing with Lesso for the first of the class, the red head finally demands to have the Reader’s mother diary.

A/N: English is not my first language, I’m really sorry for any mistakes. This took me forever to write and to be honest I didn’t quite like the result, i’m really sorry for whoever requested this story but beilieve me, that was the best I could pull off, also, sorry for taking it so long. As always, I’ll still be trying my best to write great stories, so if you have any ideas and want to send me a request, I might take long, but I’ll try my best!

Warnings: bad language, mentios of smut, betrayal, angst, fluffy parts, no happy ending

Word count: 3.6k

The GIF is not mine.

          Some days you wish just not to have been born at all. Being the daughter of someone so well known, feared and respected like your mother meant that there was always a huge amount of pressure on top of you, even when you were just a kid, for you to be the best of the new generation, to achieve what your mother couldn’t, to bring evil to its golden age, or better, to its darkest age, to do what no one else could and bring glory to your family. And seriously? You couldn’t hate more all of this bullshit.

          Not that you didn’t want to be great, powerful or evil, no, the sight of people being tortured, terrified and broken was just too amusing to resist, the screams were your lullaby, you definitely wanted all of that, however, all of the pressure about it on top of your own perfectionism absolutely drives you crazy. One thing was wanting to be great, another completely different thing was to be demanded to be great, otherwise you would bring disgrace to the name of your mother, foreshadow all of what she accomplished and bury her legacy into forgetfulness.

          The days where the pressure became too hard to bear by yourself were the days you missed your home the most. Diablo of course always put that states for your raising and education way up high in the stratosphere, always urging to unleash the very bad parts of you, just as your mother would wish if she were alive, nevertheless, he was also your rock, your safe place to crumble, to put yourself back together again, and safety was definitely the hardest thing to have when you were a Never. Trust no one, that was the ultimate rule.

          Surrounded by people yet always lonely, that was the fate assigned for you. Don’t get me wrong, you had your fair pair of friends that actually seemed very loyal to you, however none of them scored as high as you on the tests, and you knew better than trusting blindly on people, that was an Ever’s thing to do. Deep down you worried that they were only your friend because you had been given your mother’s diary, which among other things, contained tips and tests questions about every single subject in the school. 

          All this worry and caution nonetheless, were unconsciously thrown up in the air when the subject was a silly smart devious reader that had been battling with you for the number one position in your classes. Leonora of woods beyond, now Lady Lesso, was the furthest and the closest thing of a true friend you had. Furthest because you were always fighting, teasing and deriding each other, she was absolutely infuriating and would do everything in her power to outrival you. Closest because she was the only one that actually understood you, your only company to your cold sleepless studying nights, and something within you just… liked her.

          Something also tells you that she might not despise you as much as she tries to portray. It wasn’t rare to find yourself waking up in the library with an unknown warm blanket resting carefully upon your shoulders, the scent of ginger tea and petrichor intoxicating your senses, lulling you into a peaceful, deserving sleep. Somehow you never had any of your usual nightmares in these nights, of course, you blamed your unbelievable state of tiredness, never fully wanting to admit how much the redhead had grown on you.

          Your own blanket also rested on her shoulders a few times, the library as the whole school of evil was especially uncomfortably cold at the late hours, and you would never just see her shivering body shrink and do nothing about it, maybe if she was someone else. 

          Returning the given blankets back, however, was a particularly fun activity to do. None of you wanted to lose and admit that they were grateful for the small gesture, so it always led to an insane battle of flirting and teasing that was amusing for both of you.

          “Here, your blanket, little dove” You said handing her black fluffy blanket back, for some reason you slept with it the whole night, even when you were at your own dorm.

          “Oh, did it serve well the damsel in distress?” Lesso said with a snare smile and a raised eyebrow.

          “It did my mighty knight, it was really comforting and cozy, thank you for caring so much for little old me, I might be growing a little too big in that rotten heart of yours” Your voice was in a higher pitch, trying to impersonate the way some ever princess speak.

          “My, my, rotten heart, you really say the most delightful things baby girl, maybe your mouth isn’t so bad after all” Her left hand pressed against the stone wall with her weight at the side of your head, half trapping you there.

          “Oh no, my mouth is as bad as its owner, but that doesn't mean it can’t drive you crazy” A mischievous smile painted your lips.

          “You bark a lot little minx, your bite must not be so exquisite after all” Your faces were inches apart and challenge was dancing in your and Lesso’s eyes, the high difference making her look slightly down.

          “Who knows? I haven’t heard any complains tho” You shrug.

          “Low standards is definitely something around this place” Lesso says leaning backwards and dropping her hand from the wall, recomposing herself in a indifference façade.

          “Guess you would have to find it for yourself. Too afraid you might like it a little too much?” Your hands boldly touches underneath her chin in a father like motion.

          “You wish” The last thing you see is a dramatic roll of her eyes before she starts walking again, her blanket between her hands.

          Sometimes, just like now when she wasn’t looking or paying any attention, you got the strange habit of noticing the little things about her. You could draw by heart the shape of her back, and would recognize her in any type of crowd. The sharp edges of her face, the beautiful curls of her red cascade, the cruelty and determination in her eyes facing something new, the way her face twists when she can’t quite understand some subject, her habit of slightly taping her long fingers on the desk when she is anxious, well, you could spend hours just naming all of it, actually, thinking about it now, that’s kinda weird, nonetheless you can’t deny, she is absolutely hot. 

          Also, from time to time, you could feel her eager eyes on your figure when you were doing something else, normally it would be just a sting in your spine and when you tried to look back at her she would distracted by some other thing, however, you knew better and caught her looking at you though random reflections in the room once or twice. You always wondered why, maybe she was just trying to have any type of wicked ideas about what her next prank would be, but something about the look in her eyes on those occasions just made your stomach twist and flip on itself. Odd.

          Hundreds of snowflakes fell thick out of the window now, painting everything pale, dead and white. It was the middle of the finals test week, soon enough you would be home with some cozy hot chocolate made by your favorite bird that because of one of your mother’s gifts, could turn itself human to take care of you. Tiredness weighed heavy on your shoulders and more than anything your mother’s diary was your safehouse, not because it had the answers for the test, but because it made you feel closer to her. She passed away when you were only ten years old, and honestly, she could be bad and all, but there wasn’t a single day you didn’t miss her. 

          Two tests left, just this, two tests and you are ready to go. These were the thoughts that kept you going though that day, your eyes were clouded due the lack of sleep and all you wanted was burying yourself in your bed. While returning some books to the library before going to your chambers, you saw her slim figure in one of the desks, Lesso’s hand barely supporting her sleepy head, falling constantly in and out of the morpheus realm. You knew she was just stubborn enough to keep like that for hours, your conscious self decided to just tease and play with her, however, the buried, cover, forbidden, parts of you wanted her to go quickly to bed, she deserved to rest. 

          “As much delicious the sight of you drooling is, I don’t think it’s worth ruining a perfectly good book, especially at the test week” You stood behind her and sneakily bend down to whisper the words in her ear, watching closely her body reacts to you as she startle slightly, making you be able to see in first hand her scruffs’ hair rising.

          “Says the one who doesn’t even have to study by the books. Mommy’s girl is too good for that” The woman said in a monotone voice, her last words dripping with venom while she turned to look directly at you. In response your body straighten and you look down at her seated position.

          “As if I didn’t get to see your ugly face almost every day in this ragged old dusty library. I study as much as you do Lesso, don’t blame my mother’s diary for you being often second best” You knew you hit the wasp nest, but the flame and rage in her eyes just made her so much more attractive. She immediately got up and stared at your eyes, no personal space between you.

          “Say that again to my face” The taller woman dared you inches away from your head, her breath fanning your features sending a chill around your spine and making your stomach twist in a weird way. You could see the devil in her façade and her voice would make any great villain feel like an naive hero.

          “No need for getting all worked up baby girl, you know you always put on a good fight” You smiled, this woman definitely drives you mad, in this villainess mode then, for hades sake she just looks luscious.

          “Don’t underestimate me just because I wasn’t born in this place” She hissed between her teeth.

          “Oh, I would never think of it, I’m well aware of the threat you are” Your left hand drifted between one of her red curls, toying purposelessly with it “Sometimes I wish you were put on the school for good, just to have you as my own witted nemesis” There was a glimmer of desire in your eyes and you could see a fire roaming and dancing behind her own.

          “As much as being good disgusted me, having killing you as my destiny makes me quite amused” Her lips twisted in the most blissful way, full of lust and cruelty.

          “Likewise darling. Now, if you excuse me, I’ll go to sleep as this is a important part of the learning process, and I would recommend you to do the same, if you still wanna put up a good fight tomorrow” You said stepping away from her, your smile never left your lips.

          “Do your worst little Mal” The nickname she gave you after your mother, Maleficent slipped from her mouth in a challenging voice.

          “Oh I always do, hellish dreams, Leonora” That was the last words you said, already on the way to your dorm.

          Your heart was pounding fast on your ribcage as it always does when you get to be this close with the red head, your stomach was equally strange, but there was a large grin painted across your face. Secretly you loved the effect she had on you, and you loved even more the effect you knew you had on her, seeing all her little subtle reactions were more amusing then you dared to admit. 

          Surprisingly calm, that’s how you would define today’s test. It wasn’t easy, actually it was very far from it, only you and Lesso were the ones to put up a fight and get almost all the questions right, however, in the end, as usual, you managed - barely - to beat her and get the first place. If eyes could kill, you would probably be dead by now, normally you wouldn’t care for things like that, but she just gets so much prettier when she is pissed, and you just loved being the one dragging those expressions to the surface. 

          After the test you headed straight to your chambers, as always at this time, you were a bit too exhausted and you already had studied for the last test tomorrow, all you really needed was a big refreshing time of sleep, so when you woke up, you could just go over your notes and be able to do the test with full attention. 

          Fogged minded and sleepy you walk carelessly to your dorm, when suddenly something throws you roughly against the cold hard stone walls of the castle, her scent invading your nostrils as she has a hand painfully tight on your throat. Her breath fanned your face and her sculptural body was tied into yours.

          “Give me the fucking diary” The way she swears just did something between your legs.

          “I don’t think so beauty, that’s private property i’m afraid” You said with a snare smile.

          “And since when a Never cares about it? I want it, I’ll take it, I’ll claim it” The hand on your throat tightness slyly and her left grabbed your face roughly.

          “Oh… did I just make you so very frustrated you needed to assault me for it? Tsc tsc you should study harder little lamb” You said playing with fire.

          “You’re cheating you filthy bitch, you have the fucking answers” Lesso spat the words at your face and you could feel her breath fanning roughly your hair.

          “Oh your mouth really says the most delicious things baby girl. However, I’m afraid I don’t give a fuck, nor our teachers” The snare smile never left your lips, you were supposed to be scared, or concern, or trying to free yourself however, you now find yourself enjoying every single second of it.

          “I could kill you right here right now” Lesso threatens again.

          “But you won’t, because you adore toying with me as much as I adore toying with you” Your left hand is now drafting between her red curls.

          “I can find new pets” She said with a raised eyebrow but a well known smile was creeping on her lips.

          “Not in this school, not in the same way we toy my little pet. You desire me Leonora” Your hand is now caressing her scruff scratching it and pulling it, while your right embraced her waist, dragging her even closer to you, as if it was even possible.

          “The feeling it’s not unilateral, I can see your hungry eyes on little old me every time I get closer” Her right hand left your face and enchase itself on your own waist, while she caressed the skin of your neck with her left thumb, still grabbing your throat.

          “Perhaps we could use this anger of yours to do something way more ravishing” You asked biting your lips at staring at her own.

          “Why do you get so much more attractive like this, fuck-” Her lips crashed on yours harshly and her hands squeezed your waist deliciously, everything in your conscious went black, as all you could feel was her, her body, her hands. 

          Didn’t take long for her tongue to meet yours, and god, it was better than any daydream you could ever dare to have. You let her dominate while a deep moan ripper though your throat making her groan in response. The cold weather of the castle faded, everything turned hot as flaming blazes roamed in a decaying empire and both of your bodies weld like cast iron. 

          When air was needed and the kiss needed to be broken, Lesso’s devious mouth didn’t dare to rest. It traveled sinuously down to your neck, kissing, sucking, biting, bruising everything along the way as you gasp for air. Half of your fogged mind remind you that you were in the middle of the dark corridor near your room and if someone passed by you would be screwed, and not in a good way, but damn, it was so fucking hard to think anything coherent when she was almost eating your neck off.

          “Less- Leo-” You tried to say when a moan erupted on your throat as she just sucked the right place “My room. Now” That was all you could manage to say.

          “Lead” She said, detaching from your neck and looking at your eyes, breathless. 

          Taking a long deep breath, you grabbed her collar and dragged her towards your room. As soon as you arrived you opened the door and pushed her roughly in, closing it behind you as you pinning her, your mouth finding its way to its newest addiction, her own.

          No sound will ever be as pleasant as the sound of her voice issuing the lowest notes as she moans delightfully, when your mouth finds the right spots on her neck, sucking and abusing her skin just as she did with yours. 

          In that room evening turned into night as the hours faded in pure pleasure. You and Lesso fucked, had sex and loved eachother blissfully as you toggle between showing your truest feelings and succumb into the deepest pleasure full of roughness and devilish delight. You didn’t count how many times you and her cummed together, how many times you felt her taste and she felt yours, however you only stopped when your bodies couldn’t physically keep up with your desire, and begged you to give yourselves up to the sound sleep waiting for you.

          A wet red mane was spreaded across your sweat chest, as Leonora’s body rested tangled on yours. Your right hand gently caressed her scalp, and your left drew incomprehensible symbols on the small of her naked back. Only a thin sheet covered half of your bodies and for the first time in many many months, you finally felt at home, with her in your arms. 

          “I wish we fought less” You said almost in a whisper, staring at the ceiling.

          “Why?” Lesso asks sleepy.

          “So I could finally get to really know you” Your eyes drift slowly towards her “Not only by your mannerisms. I see you Leo. But I wish I could truly talk to you, get to know how you truly are without the shell you and I have built to ourselves”

          “Leo?” She asked raising her head from your chest and facing you.

          “Yeah, sorry, nevermind, forget what I said” Your eyes avoid her and the ceiling looks suddenly so much more interesting.

          “No, I like it” Lesso gently turns your head towards her, her eyes so much softer than you ever saw “My mom used to call me Leo” She confesses.

          “Can I call you like that?”

          “Only when we are alone”

          “Only when we are alone” You repeat as she lays again against you.

          “I see you too” 

          “What?” You ask gently.

          “I see the little things you do, how you try your best in everything you do, how your eyes frown when something doesn’t go as you expected, how you smile slightly when some of your friends achieve good grades” She sighs “What I wanna say is that I see you, and I like what I see”

          “I really like you too”

          “Maybe when this test week is over, we could have a lunch, and maybe we could talk, in that silly way you want”

          “Good”

          “Good” That was the last thing you said and heard before the tiredness came over your body and you surrendered to Morpheus' realm.

          That night was so much more than you could ever dared to dream, however, the higher you get, the greater the fall. A hot unpleasant ray of sunshine striked your face rudely, making you wake up annoyed and almost blind by the strong light that came through the window. You sit down lazely and rub your eyes, realization hits you as Leonora can’t be found nowhere, the drawer you kept your mother’s diary laying open, broken into, just as the piece of your dying heart shattered. 

          You should know better. You are a N.E.V.E.R, you only get nightmares, not dreams, and it was as if the destiny wanted to show where you belong, what is your place, as someone who doesn’t deserve a happy ending, as an rotting person who is dead long before your heart strikes for the last time. You are not loved, everyone who loved you is dead, and soon Diablo will be too, so you are left there, alone, as it was supposed to be.

          While tears stream down your face and you die a little more, all you managed to do was to clap your hands. Well played Lesso, toying with one just to get what you want, betraying their trust, using them, making them feel loved, god that was just the cherry on top, so cruel, so perfect, it was a masterpiece indeed. Any teacher would be proud of her, and she definitely got first place this time, but you will make sure it is the last one. Every villain needs an awakening, she was yours. Even if your rotting heart dares to love her, you would rip it from your chest and bury it, you don’t deserve happiness anyways.

[readingloveswounds]

Do you ever write a conference abstract, and you feel very confident about your argument, and then once you start writing the paper you start feeling not so confident about the argument? Because that is happening to me right now and I'm freaking out.

Oh, absolutely. 100%. I am 2/2 for on this. I think (at least in my case) it's a part of the spectre of imposter syndrome that haunts my every move. It's also the fear of being Seen by strangers who you really want to respect you - you put in a lot of work and what if they think you're not smart (etc).

Some things that help me with this are:

attending other talks (conference or individual invited speakers). This reminds me of reality - that conference papers and talks are sometimes people just playing around with an idea and it doesn't have to be perfect and fully thought-through. I know that I will hold myself to a stupid level of perfectionism ('their paper can be imperfect/early stages but mine can't be' type shit), but it is VERY much okay to not be perfect, to say 'here's an idea i have, if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them'.

Let it suck. This is the 'just write it' advice. I am going to put SOMETHING in this word doc if it kills me and then I'll figure it out.

Saying 'okay, I think it sucks, but what am I going to do about that? Where can I improve?' Whether or not fears of the paper being terrible are founded, this helps me get out of the spiral and actually do something. Do I need to read through it again? Do I need to go back to my sources? Do I need to make a list? If you still think it's weak, it is (probably, it may depend on where you're giving the paper) possible to take the argument in a slightly different direction than your abstract - you can acknowledge the change if you like.

Do I need to go do something else? Sometimes I'm way too deep in things to see clearly. Whether this is working on something else, going on a walk, talking to people, a break can help.

Preparing as much as possible - I can't anticipate every question, but I have and will bring extra material (either in my head or in a small set of notes at the end of the paper) in case I want to have some solid extra ground to start with. If you're worried that your argument isn't great, here's some material to say 'hey i've done some work and even if my ideas aren't as developed as i'd like, here's some other information'

Remind yourself that you only have a short amount of minutes to speak! You can't fit a whole dissertation in that amount of time! You can't get deep into every single detail that you might want to! (This is something that I've been fighting with recently).

Conferences are for exchanging ideas. Plenty of people are assholes, but in theory, we go to conferences to talk to people, get outside perspectives on ideas, to collaborate. There will always be assholes, but there will also be people who will want to talk more about your paper and maybe guide you in directions for improvement that you didn't see at first.

As my parents told me about journal rejections, try not to take feedback too personally - it's not a judgement about you as a person. You are not your work.

Relatedly, unless you're presenting falsified data or massively plagiarising or something really serious like that, a not-so-great paper at a conference will not follow you forever (and if people are shitty about it, that's on them). There will always be next time. You can always mention later that you were a little silly in your past research! We are always growing and improving. This may not help in the moment, but it can help to put it a little more into perspective.

Essentially, yes, I do have this come up a lot. I have two conference papers coming up that I have to adapt and give in my second language. I feel like I'm going to disappoint both of the scholars who have invited me to give those. The thing is, I'm still going to write the papers because what would be even more disappointing is not giving them at all because I'm scared (and I am very scared). If I have something written, that's something I can improve as much as I can. Better to try and fail than not try at all, something like that.

I think confidence will come more with time (or so I hope), and if it doesn't, I at least now know a little how to handle this uncertainty with more confidence. I think it's fairly normal to have some doubts, but you can't let them get the best of you.

As they say so often on tumblr: do it scared, do it stupid, but however you do it, just do it.

[ladythornofrivia]

The Imperfection of Sound

In a world of sound, reader is deaf. Until she meets Ran Haitani, who shows her that life is more than just hoping for a miracle.

Pair: Ran x Reader

Part: Five-part series

Warning: Mature Content

(If you’re under 18, I’m sorry but you can’t read this)

Author’s Note: Sorry for the wait. I want to make the second chapter to be great. So much has been going on this month, but here I am, watching a funny Filipino movie, then downloading Webtoons which I should’ve done a long time ago. Is it too late to start? Oh, and the Filipino movie I watch is on Netflix, and then I also watched Bridgerton. I’m also thankful that you guys enjoy the stories I wrote; you have no idea how much it means to me that it captures your attention. I also wanted to say that I hope you guys are doing okay, being happy and well. 🥹

(Please report if someone decides to plagiarizes/steals my work. And notify me. Thank you.)

Chapter 2: This Feeling…

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Everyday, every minute and second, in weeks, months and years, Ran acquires to make everything perfect. Appearances are a must. First impressions last, unless making a greater impression for the next occasion, which occasions turned to daily events.

But for the first time, he’s distressed. Beyond the ultimate perfection, it created another layer of fear to achieve more perfectionism.

For the first weeks, it took you a while to open up with Ran. Though Ran is used to girls throwing themselves at him whether in person or phone, he tried his best to communicate with you without going too fast with a ‘bang’.

Though a while it took, everything fell into place within 3 months. Everything was a success. Though one day, after their busy hours, they started texting each other non-stop, then a summon of simple 20 questions and facts about themselves. Then they twist a game into a more fun one by doing two truths and a lie.

(y/n): I want to make our conversation more interesting.

Ran: 😏 What kind of interesting? 😉

(y/n): don’t get any dirty minded ideas, Ran.

Ran: Why do you assume I’m thinking something dirty?

(y/n): the wink emoji. The side smirk emoji. 😂 i know everything. I see all.

Ran: what do you mean? I’m just sitting here anticipating, darling. Teasing you is so fun to watch, Sauron, the eye that sees all.

(y/n) is typing…

(y/n): it’ll be simple and quick.

Ran: Go on, I’m still here, waiting. 😉😏

(y/n): two truths and a lie. We have to tells facts about ourselves, and you have to guess which one is a lie, same goes for me. Self-explanatory.

Ran: alright. Bring it. 😎

(y/n): i used to ice skate, I won a dance competition at the age of 13, and I can do 3 sign languages—Japanese, English and Italian.

Ran: 🤔 hmmm…interesting…

(y/n): what? What are you thinking at the moment?

Ran: nothing, I feel as if you can do it all. So much sophistication in you. 😏😉

In an instant, you found yourself tucking half of your face in the sheets, flushing heat from his comment. But you regathered yourself that Ran Haitani is capable of making alluring comments to any girl. Not even the air condition would cool down the hot shivers on your limbs and hands, with tiny tingles tickling on your fingertips.

(y/n): so, which is the lie?

Ran: the second one.

Smiling, you typed, “wrong! It’s the first one. Your turn!”

Ran: I have own some designs from Mont Blanc. I’m a part-time model and an actor. I own a building at Roppongi.

(y/n): hmmmm…

Ran: did i offend you? 😱😥

(y/n): not really. I thought it’d be…ordinary like mine.

Ran: what do you mean?

(y/n): my accomplishments felt so mundane compare to yours.but it’s riveting.

Ran: which one?

(y/n): if anything, they all sound like you. Tricky…I have to say an actor or model.

Ran: you’re right! You chose your answer wisely.

(y/n): but you do look like a model. You’re tall and you have nice hair and good bone structure on your legs and a nice complexion. What’s your secret on making your hair look nice? Why do guys always have longer and healthier locks than mine? 😂

Ran: believe me if I say that maintaining hairstyle is hard. Good bone structure on my legs?

(y/n): yeah, we girls have to get used to being pretty. Being pretty cost a lot of hurt. Well you’re tall. Like a giant.

Ran: a handsome giant, I hope? 🙈

(y/n): like one of the fairy tales.

Ran: that’s not what I meant. I meant to say that when it comes to hair salons, they have their prices ranged up. A tall handsome giant, maybe? A confirmation from a talented, sophisticated lady? 🥺

(y/n): I wish everything is cheap. Life isn’t fair. You’re like a tall elvish prince, I’d say.

Ran: I agree. But when it comes to money, anyone can pretty much do anything. As long as everything is legal. Elvish prince? Lord of the Rings?

(y/n): you know it! 🤭🫣

(y/n): I always wanted to become a ballerina, but I dislocated my leg and foot in the process at a young age. I used to dye my hair blonde a lot. And I used to go to homeschool.

Ran: dislocated? Are you okay?

(y/n): 😂. You have to pick which one is a lie.

Ran: if I have to guess…homeschool!

(y/n): nope! Dyeing my hair blonde. I wouldn’t risk it. My head is too precious to be ruined.

Ran: is your leg okay?

(y/n): I’m okay. I can walk and sit perfectly. But if I slip, it tends to get worse. So I had to be careful.

Ran: want me to help you?

(y/n): you don’t have to, actually. I’ve been pretty cautious ever since I was a little girl.

Ran: I can help you to get to a location. I have a car. Driving is not an issue for me.

(y/n): very kind of you, Ran, but I’d rather get exercise for my leg. I don’t want to rely on anyone for the burdens I’ve been carrying for my whole life.

Ran couldn’t let you go on a risky route. He’ll have to find a way to make an excuse to help you, to ease your burdens.

Ran: I overslept over a day. I can cook food. I…have my eyes and heart set on someone.

Your heart skipped a beat. You were sure that your mind is still present, not strayed by the last fact about Ran. He has his eyes set on someone.

Nah, that can’t be. His love life is his precious kingdom—his kingdom of roppongi. You already know this by now. A part of you felt like your heart is screeched into an imploded shock.

Drinking water to calm the burn in your chest and throat, you licked your lips dry, focusing on other facts.

Ran: (y/n)?

(y/n): sorry, I was thinking long and hard on this. They all sound like you.

Ran: are you sure about that? You might want to think long and hard again. 🙈 i know what’s long and hard, if you catch my drift.

(y/n): maybe…the second one?

Ran: you got it!

You couldn’t breathe anymore. Your head turned with hot spiraling motion, even when sitting still. You drank another bottle of water.

(y/n): that was fun! 🤭👏

Ran: do you play video games?

(y/n): no, unfortunately. Besides, I suck at playing video games. I watched a lot of dramas.

Ran: drama?

(y/n): you wouldn’t be interested in it.

Ran: tell me, anyway. 😊🫣

Your heart skipped a beat again, but with your watered eyes prickle, engaging on changing your inner channel to a happier one.

(y/n): um, I either watch Underworld—which is NOT a drama, but rather a supernatural action movie, or I would watch those cheesy romantic movies. Like ‘the fault in our stars’ or anything with historical drama. Sometimes I watch a lot of cartoons like Shrek or anything that has musical parts on it. Putting on subtitles is part of the routine.

Ran: you should invite me sometime.

The hitched on your throat came, nearly choking. Almost as if you’re rendered speechless.

(y/n): are you sure? I mean, there are some parts that are boring. I can set up Fast & Furious or any of the action movies you prefer, like ones with money heist or something.

Ran: it’s okay. Besides, my brother is trying to host a party at the building I live in.

(y/n): why don’t you join him? I mean, you told me before that you can do DJ.I’m sure the people you want to see will be there.

Ran: I want to get away from party life for once. Are you interested in going to a party?

(y/n): I haven’t been into one since the prom.

Ran: we never have a prom here.

(y/n): I know, you’re very wild, unlike me.

Ran: taming is the only way for me to cooperate with somebody.

(y/n): I’m sure someone will tame you one of these times. Maybe sooner than later. I have to go to sleep. My eyes are getting heavy. I’ll text you whenever I can. 😴

Ran’s hands are coated in sweat, reading the last message you sent. Under the lying world of darkness, even a dimmed screen on his phone, he was sure he’s been sparked brighter. The movements shifted in his bed with his limbs were somewhat hyper and awake.

You, on the other hand, are lying. Your eyes weren’t getting heavier. You wish your heart would stop listening and responding from his messages. All of this, will be nothing in the end but just a thin string of temporary comfort. This will all be but a smoke and mirrors to you.

This feeling….you couldn’t survive it. Your inner voices unruly spiked, then drowned.

Like Scarlett O’Hara said, ‘I’ll think about it tomorrow.’ Is a way for you to forget what he previously declared.

Meanwhile…

“Fuck, why did I say that I set my eyes and heart on someone…” Ran scolded himself, throwing himself on the tucked bed. “I’m so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! It’s not like she’ll make a big deal out of it…right? I’m sure she’ll forget. By the time tomorrow, she’ll talk to me again, like nothing occurs. And I’ll talk to her, too. I’ll just go to take for a walk…”

“Ran, it’s time to go!” Rindou interrupted through the closed door. “We can’t miss the party!”

With Ran’s head hung low, he said, “Guess not.”

Taglist: @colored-tr-panels @galactict3a @onyx-blossom @f1yh1gh @glamourkills18 @akemiixx01 @penguinlovestowrite @mrssano04 @sehunnies-hunnie96

[glysaturn]

hello glysaturn i have been following u for *years* and i want u to know that i havent for one second been convinced that your art is not good or has plateaued in some way. i think that youve managed to convince yourself of these ideas but i want to remind you that the more you continue to think this way the worse it gets. personally i felt at my most hopeless as an artist when i was obsessing over how bad i thought my art was and how little engagement it got online. i hit a point where i stopped drawing entirely for a while because i kept asking myself why i was doing any of this if it was “bad” — but then how could someone ever improve if they give up? all these negative thoughts bashing your own art just lead to hopelessness and an unwillingness to keep trying.

i’m glad that you *do* continue to push through and continue making art but i think it’s important to remember that you shouldnt be comparing yourself to other people. every artist u see online built up to wherever they are now and i think instead of fixating on how “good” their art is or how many likes theyre getting it’s healthier to fixate on the practice and effort they put in to getting there. i’m sorry if you’re not looking for comments about your outlook but again as someone who has been a fan and a follower for like over 5 years it saddens me to see one of my favorite artists tripping themselves up so often

i'm.. not sure what prompted this message. if it was my last post then you severely misunderstood it, no offence, like maybe it's on me for failing to convey exactly what i was trying to say, but i definitely was not coming from a place of self-hate. i love my art! i've just noticed a certain.. pattern in it which was making the process frustrating for me as of late. a pattern which was born through my damn perfectionism. it was making me feel like i have to squeeze my art out rather than just making it happen naturally. even if i like the final result, it takes too much out of me and it's just not very fun. so for a while now i was trying to start taking it easier, making simpler, messier works and through that - learning how to maybe draw something that might be a bit more complex but it would feel less like manual labour. whatever change i may want to see in my art isn't driven by outside factors, it's driven by my own desire to improve.

if this was prompted by my.. less than sane behaviour that i exhibit from time to time. first of all - i'm sorry you had to see that, trust me i ain't proud of it. secondly, uhhh, i get where you're coming from, but i feel like it's still not entirely accurate to what i'm experiencing. am i comparing my works to works of others? …….yea. sometimes. it's a god damn curse. does it make me feel bad about my art? not anymore, no, not really. i definitely do not look at someone else's art and think mine is shit in comparison. i think mine is quite good and worthy. it is true that i was not able to find any sort of balance that would let me exist online fully in peace. but i'm still looking for it, still trying to figure it out. and none of it is going to actually make me stop drawing and loving my own art. i know i said the thought of quitting crosses my mind from time to time, i did, but i was just in a moment of experiencing very intense emotions. i don't actually mean it, like deeply. my brain is wired in such a way that if i were to stop drawing, i would literally lose my mind. i simply cannot sit and do nothing. i MUST create. so there's that.

thank you for your.. concern?

[tinacentury]

Fic Writer Asks

Been a minute since I crawled out of my cave here, but an ask game remains the best way for me to do so. Thanks for the tag, @folklauerate!

How many works do you have on AO3?

21. Here they are so I don't have to link them all below.

What's your total AO3 word count?

107,797

What fandoms do you write for?

I was vehemently a one-fandom (Sailor Moon) person until Bridgerton season 2 came crashing into my life. I've accepted being a two-fandom writer now, but it's still weird.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

These are skewed because the Bridgerton fandom is bigger, so, by fandom:

Bridgerton: Follow the Sparks, An Involuntary Thing, Unframeable, Mine to Keep Warm, Canis caminan non est

Sailor Moon: Belonging, Familial Eyes, Win a Date with Tuxedo Mask!, Contrition, What Wasn't Said

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I definitely try to, but I fall behind. I like the fandom engagement piece of responding to comments and talking to friends and readers, but when it becomes an expectation at the expense of my sanity, I let myself off the hook. That's generally the approach that has worked best for me with all things fandom-related. This is supposed to be a hobby, not a chore.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Contrition.

Do you get hate on fics?

Haven't gotten anything I would really describe as hate yet, but I have gotten some "this is boring" comments, and just recently had someone decide my comment section was the ideal place to talk about current world events. I do think it's absurd that we live in a world where I had to turn comment moderation on because of this.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It's not my main focus, but yes. I'm not sure what it says about me that smut writing comes more easily to me in Bridgerton writing than it ever did in Sailor Moon writing.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Hard nope!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I think it has to be a tie between Kanthony and Usamamo. Usamamo has the stronger history, being that I've shipped it since I was 11, and while I'm not super active in that fandom right now (tbh is anyone?), I won't be at all surprised if/when I get inspired to dive back in. Kanthony pulled me in the same way Usamamo did, so I can't not include them here.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Given my update speed, I tend to lean towards "never say never", but things don't look good for that Contrition sequel I've been banging on about since 2019.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good with dialogue; it comes more easily to me than all the other moving pieces. Went through a phase during which my writing got compared to poetry a lot, but I don't think I've been able to pull that off in any of my Bridgerton work yet.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I can tell you they're all tied to perfectionism -- speed, anything that happens in between dialogue making things sound pretty instead of dry and academic (damn that too many years of schooling), over-explaining things, and writing the same damn kiss the same damn way multiple times.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for fic?

Lol tell me you came of age in the 2000s without telling me. I would sprinkle it into Sailor Moon stuff, but there's a fine line between "this is useful" and "this reads like a geocities fanfic site from 1999." I haven't done it with Bridgerton just because I don't know enough, but I'll definitely ask @folklauerate and @hydriotaphia if I ever do!

First fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon when I was very, very, very young (cool that an eighth-grader did this, but not cool enough to show to anyone ever).

Favorite fic you've ever written?

-The Benedict chapter of An Involuntary Thing

-Despite a whole host of issues, 5 Years

This was fun and took me back! Tagging @kasienda, @penny-loaf, and @daikon1

[ghostofsnails]

rambling about art "Perfectionism" (+ my experience)

Lately I've been looking for advice about curbing perfectionism but couldn't find anything that worked for me. I feel that so much of the advice out there is just too surface level. It wants to target what I consider the symptoms (perfectionism itself / fear of messing up) and not the real source of the problem, or the "why", which is something that will look a little different for everybody. If you really want to curb perfectionism, the serious answer, in my opinion, is to start by looking inward. If you've done that and found that you're anything like me, with problems that feel like compulsive fixing, uncontrollable hyperfocus, and/or paranoid thoughts that your art career is doomed and everyone is secretly making fun of you because the angle of your oc's mouth is off by 2 degrees, hearing the advice that looks like "Here's a fun little drawing exercise to do every day!" over and over again is probably starting to feel more demoralizing than anything. So instead, here are some tricks/reframing devices that I use in place of some of the really general ones.

The first piece of advice I see everywhere is to "make bad art on purpose" to get over the fear of making mistakes. As a literal exercise, this just doesn't work great for my specific problem. Sure, I can draw some crappy sketch in 5 seconds if I want or waste all my spoons on making something I hate, but it offers no real support in terms of my "compulsive fixing" issue, which is where everything really goes wrong in my process. If it was as easy as saying "I'm just going to Not Have Compulsions!" I wouldn't be here writing this. But I have learned to relieve a small amount of the paranoia and anxiety that my compulsions stem from with the following exercise!

Essentially, I look through some of my favorite artists' work and find some stuff I really enjoy. While I do that, I look for mistakes, confusing choices, and inconsistencies in the work. I then ask myself: Why do I think this art piece still works so well despite all these errors? Does seeing these errors change my feelings about the piece or about the person who made them for the worse? (Spoiler alert, the answer to the second question is always no.)

I will then literally repeat the answers to those questions over and over and over again to myself while I draw. Does this completely or even mostly fix the problem? Definitely not. But if you're like me and at the point of desperation, this is something that's had a small yet significant impact on my workflow and my mindset as I approach making art in general. If my favorite artist can make a weird mistake on something and I love the piece anyways, then maybe it's okay for me to also make and leave in a weird mistake or two. The other good news is that I've noticed the effect of this has increased over time! In the past few months, and for the first couple of times in my life, I've been able to actually ignore a small handful of my compulsions to fix things while drawing. Which is actually so insane and probably my proudest moment of "invisible" progress I've ever made.

It's definitely worth noting, however, that this exercise is not going to work if you don't or can't approach it in good faith. You cannot give up immediately with "I'll never be this good, this artist's work is perfect." Nobody's work is perfect. If you look for ages and genuinely can't see any mistakes, that probably means you're looking at an artist way outside your skill level, and believe me, I've been there, it's super demoralizing. That's why most of the artists I look up to now are those whose work is just a few levels above or next to mine, because being able to spot errors not only makes their work feel more authentic and easily relatable, but functionally speaking, it keeps me inspired without getting locked into self-pity mode.

I'm obviously not going to put any artists I love on the spot here, but I'm going to list a few errors that I myself see very frequently in my specific corner of the art world: Inconsistent or straight up weird limb lengths, floating facial features, broken lines, color spill, and awkward tangents. Often times, the "errors" I notice aren't even true errors, just results of stylization that I get paranoid about in my own work. And this is super important too -- seeing those kinds of "errors" in art that I unabashedly love helps to soothe the paranoia that I'm doing something "wrong" or that everybody secretly hates me because I drew the eye 2 pixels too far to the right.

Other times, what you notice doesn't have to be an "error" at all. Maybe you just see untapped potential or find something that you would have done differently. For example, maybe you think a different light source or perspective could have improved the atmosphere of a piece. I often feel that many of my favorite artists' work suffers from a lack of contrast.

But the point of this entire exercise is that even when I apply a mock version of my compulsive behavior with art that I love and pick it apart as much as I possibly can, I realize that I STILL LOVE the artwork I'm looking at just as much if not more despite all the "mistakes". Rarely do the errors take anything away from the piece that they don't replace with a sense of life and authenticity. And as a bonus, now I'm ten times as excited to go draw and try out some new things!

And for the record -- this isn't the sort of thing I dedicate "15 minutes a day!" to doing, but something that comes pretty naturally to me whenever I come across art I really love. And speaking of TIME, one other piece of advice I see everywhere is to set a timer and give yourself just a few minutes to draw such and such. This is a piece of advice that logically I know SHOULD work, and despite the fact that it DOESN'T for me I would STILL recommend it heartily. My only problem with this piece of advice is that my brain just does not work this way. Time is just way too arbitrary and setting a "fake deadline" doesn't do anything to fix the issues that are making me take forever in the first place. So instead, in order to try and improve my speed in my digital art, I've started to stay more zoomed out of my canvas as I draw. This better mimics the experience of sketching on paper, something that's always been easier for me since fixing mistakes is so much less convenient than it is on a digital program.

Don't get me wrong though, if you're like me and used to drawing while so zoomed in you can count the pixels, this is going to be even harder than it sounds. I avoided this piece of advice for years because it was so viscerally uncomfortable to let go of the feeling of "control" I had over my pen strokes while zoomed in. But I gave in a few weeks ago when I was having such a hard time getting a pose down after days of attempts that I was willing to try anything. And honestly, the results were a MUCH needed morale boost. I saw improved speed, dynamism, and stylization pretty much instantly. I've been pushing myself to do this with all my subsequent art pieces and while I forget to do it every 15 minutes it's still made a surprisingly large and positive impact on my workflow.

Yes, I still feel the compulsion to "fix everything" in the refinement stage. But if I pair this with the advice above, the amount of compulsive fixes I makes goes way, way down. Especially if I remain relatively zoomed out during the refinement stage!

In conclusion, I'm not saying that the og art advice was dumb or bad or never works. This post is extremely specific to my situation. As far as I know I might be the only person in the world who spends extra nightmarish hours on every piece adding and deleting and readding unnoticeable layer effects, color adjustments, and details and "fixing" and unfixing and "fixing" every conceivable possible detail whilst sitting there begging myself to just stop so I can go eat or move on with my life or do literally anything else. And the fact that on top of that I go into hyperfocus every time I so much as LOOK at my Ipad makes any "take a break" solution near impossible if I don't have a seriously involved outside support system to take my mind off of art, which I don't.

Thanks to all of this plus typical life stuff, I've been drawing less and less in the past few years. It's hard to start anything knowing that once I do, I'm pretty much not going to have a life again until it's finished.

And drawing less also means that when I do draw, I'm drawing much slower, which draws out the length of time I have to deal with these problems and therefore makes them unignorable. I used to be able to finish up a full piece in 5-8 hours, basically a school night, and because it was finished I could focus on my responsibilities the next day until I started to draw again. But now I'm spending anywhere from 8-16 hours on simple bust up character drawings. That's crazy! Honestly reading all this back, I guess it's no wonder I'm so burnt out and exhausted all the time!

I'm never going to completely stop drawing. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I physically could. But I would really love to get to a point where art feels fun and freeing again, and where sitting down to sketch on paper for 10 minutes doesn't mean throwing the entire day away.

So if anyone else out there has got advice for me I would absolutely love to hear it. And I'd also love to hear from anyone who can relate to any of this, because as much as I was joking earlier about being the only one in the world, I haven't actually been able to meet anyone else who gets what I'm going through. And wow it is so difficult to put into words, too. I rewrote this post a million times. But that's all for now! Thanks for reading.