#any community that's identity-based is always going to have a core of seriousness by nature

[a-dragons-journal]

not to bring kff discourse into your house, but recently i encountered some people who said that they “didn’t take kin that seriously” but also held spiritual beliefs about their kin types & seemed to genuinely identify as them to at least some extent. and that got me thinking: i bet there’s a lot of ‘kins who feel alienated from the whole otherkin/therian community & how, for lack of a better term, intense it can seem at times, and sort of end up downplaying their own experiences. i know that im not particularly active in the therian community for similar reasons — my theriotype is spiritually & personally important to me, but it’s just one aspect of my life & identity, and i don’t personally feel the need to blog about it or write essays about it or what have you. i think it might be just a more lowkey, not particularly exciting or interesting part of life for some ‘kins

You're absolutely right that a lot of people just don't care enough about their nonhumanity to participate in the community, and that's totally fine - and, let's be real, it's also just one aspect of my life and identity, y'all just only really see me talk about it because I have a sideblog specifically dedicated to it (unless you also follow my main, in which case you do see all the other nonsense I'm invested in and know just how true this is). That's always been the case and it's totally fine; you're not obligated to be super actively engaged with every demographic you're technically a part of.

There's also definitely a fair number of people who are legitimately nonhuman but feel alienated because the community is too intense, which might be a problem or might be fine depending on the individual (because again, you're not obligated to be involved if you don't really care about it enough to do so, but if you want to be involved and feel scared to be that's a problem) - or... because they feel like they're not allowed to have fun with their kintypes, which is the thing I feel like is most likely an actual problem.

But like... honestly, I don't actually know how to fix that at this point. If you're actually active in the community, or even just follow the otherkin tag, you see how much of the content posted there is extremely casual and having fun. I literally just reblogged a for-kicks-and-giggles silly 30 day challenge a couple days ago, and I'm probably on the more serious end of the spectrum as far as typical post content goes. The community is already a lot less hyperserious than it used to be (which I don't think is a bad thing, even if sometimes I wish there was a bit more in the way of serious discussion posts). It honestly seems to me like there's already plenty of space for people to joke around and not be super serious about their 'kinity. Very, very rarely you come across someone who genuinely thinks you shouldn't ever joke around about or have fun with being 'kin or you're a Faker, but it is most definitely not the majority of the community and those people usually find themselves pretty ostracized because they're usually not super enjoyable to be around.

But, to your point on KFF discourse and how that's affected this whole thing, there are people who see "stop claiming this is something you do for fun and that's the entire purpose" and somehow read that as "you're not allowed to have fun with being 'kin at all," and genuinely I do not know why people think the former leads to the latter because it doesn't imply that at all, that's actually a pretty giant leap in logic from one to the other in my humble opinion. Which means I don't really know how to fix it other than to keep banging pots and pans like I already have been about how those two statements are not remotely the same.

But that's just my two cents' worth on the whole "the community's too serious and it drives people away" thing.

[old-daemon-farts]

Daemonism Survey

I wanted to see if I could summarize my experience. I know I have long winded thoughts on many of these subjects. Figured others may enjoy reading my answers. Survey found at the bottom.

What is a dæmon to you? The subconscious speaking through inner monologues.

What makes a dæmon, a dæmon? A daemon provides a positive change in their person while also intrinsically being a part of who they are and their identity. You cannot have one without the other. I feel this being needs to be tied to the subconscious (or soul) and will use our inner monologue to communicate.

I am of the belief many different beings can play the role of a daemon. Tulpa, alters, other headmates, and spirits can match these qualifications. "Daemon" has always felt more like a job title or other very personal labels like pronouns or familial titles like "daughter" or "father". I think daemons can stem from too many things and how they connect within the mind to say for sure what is and is not a daemon.

What does dæmonism mean to you? Daemonism is cultivating our inner-self to be a companion who supports us, and in doing so we are learning how to support ourselves.

What is the purpose of dæmonism? To provide a healthy mindset. Can be focused on mental health or cognitive thinking. A healthy mindset for one may be self-improvement; for another it may be companionship and self-compassion; or perhaps they just need someone to help recall information. What daemonism is varies from person to person but to me the base line is you get into daemonism seeking something you feel is going to improve something about your life.

What is/are your dæmon(s) like? What is your dæmon's personality like? What are their likes and dislikes? This is the space for anything you want to share about how your dæmon behaves, thinks and feels! Thats a lot to put. So I will place what may make them different from other daemons. They are very self-focused on me. No matter their personality its always focused around what is best for me. What needs to be done for me. Their world revolves around me and they do not question nor hate it.

How did you meet your dæmon(s)? Inspired by His Dark Materials. Finished the 3rd book, tried to see my daemon, he laughed and the rest is history. I thought we were the only human/daemon pair at the time.

What is/are your dæmon(s)? Dæmons can be many things; a gateway to the subconscious, a personification of your conscience, the other half of your internal dialogue, a spiritual entity, or many other things besides. What is the nature of your dæmon? They are me. They are how I connect to my inner self/subconscious. At the moment they are a gateway rather than the full personification of my subconscious. Please see the answer for "how they are connected to me" for more examples.

What is/are your dæmon's gender(s), and how do they relate to and differ from your own? Mostly female. I use to think my daemons gender was my opposite, then I though I was the outcome of their genders, then I thought their gender supported my own. Now I think it just is another outcome of what my brain needed to be happy and healthy, and while my daemons genders never change future daemons may be influenced by the same factors.

How autonomous is/are your dæmon(s)? How independent and free-thinking is your dæmon; how much do they rely on you in order to exist and function? Autonomy is an illusion. Myself and my daemons will always be influenced by my subconscious and factors surrounding us. Their identities rely on my focus but who they are at the core and how they function is thoughtless. I can personify my heart and it can grow independent but as soon as I stop talking to my heart it doesn't stop beating. It just returns to what it was prior and continues its constant task of keeping the body going without needing any thought on the matter.

How is/are your dæmon(s) connected to you? Subconscious, inner monologues, and even intrusive thoughts. Anima/animus. ID/Ego/Super Ego/ Shadow, split-brain ... Basically if there is a term for connecting with any inner part of yourself or piece of our mind my daemons encompass or build upon that.

How do your dæmon(s) differ from you? They are very goal oriented and driven involving my life and health.

What are the similarities between you and your dæmon(s)? They reflect key parts of myself (good, bad, and desired). We all like and dislike similar things, look for similar things in life and friendship, share taste in fashion, food, and entertainment. Only time things vary are when my daemons reflect an extreme. Like Tess who loves physical activity. I'm not a fan of exercise or sports but I wish I was and so does my body and mind. So her favorite activities are not mine by choice but I know on a subconscious level I need to enjoy these more. There is always a connection so there will always be similarities.

How have your dæmon(s) changed since you first met them? They have changed as much as myself, as they grow the very same as I do effected by my surroundings and experiences. Cayde started just as childlike as myself and grew into an adult. My more recent daemons started based around emotions or specific traits and then grew to be far more complex. This is the nature of living, remaining static is nearly impossible.

Can your dæmon(s) front? Fronting: taking primary control of the physical body. I believe with practice they can but since they have very strong opinions about fronting will refrain from doing so. We have co-fronted to allow my daemon to speak louder and to use "mind-over-matter" to stop pain. But during co-fronting there is no physical control. It is only causing a shift in where my daemon lies on my consciousness.

What are your dæmon form(s)? They have many. Both animal and human.

What do your dæmon form(s) mean to you? Some represent who I am on a subconscious level, a deeply analyzed level, and a more surface level.

How did you find your dæmon form(s)? Some through created systems, others through daemon's choice, and one picked completely out of my or my daemon's control.

What do your dæmon form(s) say about your personality, if anything? One describes my behavior and how I interact with others. The other portrays how I am seen and my narrative in life.

How does your dæmon feel about their form(s)? They love all of them and the more meaning behind a form the prouder they are taking it.

What does it mean for a dæmon's form to be settled? Represents who I (or they) are for a set moment in time. Finding and being content with who we are and our identity.

What kind of forms has your dæmon taken in the past? A variety, mostly animals.

How did your dæmon(s) get their name(s)? Chosen together or they picked one they liked.

What do your dæmon(s) names mean to you? Not much. One of my daemons shares my name which is pretty cool but there is little meaning behind everyone's name.

Has your dæmon's name ever changed? If so, feel free to elaborate! Yes! My first daemon has gone through 3 name changed. First one didn't fit right, second lasted years but he got tired of seeing other people with it, so now he's on his third.

How did you first learn about dæmonism? I learned about daemons through His Dark Materials and daemonism through The Daemon Page.

What motivated you to try dæmonism? Loved the companionship daemons gave in the books

Has your experience of dæmonism changed since you first discovered it? If so, how? I take it far more seriously now as a tool for mental health and self-awareness. I just wanted a unique friend that was a talking animal in the beginning.  

How do your dæmon(s) affect and influence your everyday life? Hm, its so hard to say after living over half my life with one. But I'd say they influence my day just by helping me process everything?

How has dæmonism helped you? My daemons have taught me self-love, self-worth, pride, and acceptance.

What does the dæmian community mean to you? They are my home. Sometimes you leave home, and sometimes family upsets you, but you still feel drawn back no matter where you wander. The community is a family I have chosen and I will always feel a part of.

The survey this came from can be found here “ Daemon Survey “. If you are interested in sharing your thoughts please consider completing it, I know the creator would greatly appreciate it.

[aizenat]

Regarding claims that asexuals weren't around, I have read old documents from well before AVEN was made discussing how the community viewed asexuals as a flavor of bisexuals since both groups feel equally attracted to all genders. The difference of that equal attraction to all genders being zero for for asexuals was a later distinction. Just because the labels weren't made yet doesn't mean asexuals popped into existence when AVEN was made! (This is similar to how the lines between the lesbian and bi women communities used to be a lot fuzzier back then, with both gay and bi women being labeled under the lesbian umbrella. Labels have changed over time.)

It is indeed different from BDSM because BDSM is a fetish about how people like to perform sex and is not directly related to attraction, marriage, and other orientation-relevant topics. Your comparison makes it seem you misunderstand asexuality as a function of sexual performance rather than orientational attraction. Which is wrong. It is 100% about attraction! Within the label of asexual, people still fall on a spectrum of liking sex to not liking sex independent of their asexual lack of attraction to any gender. It is not abstinence it is not preferences in bed, it is purely the lack of ability to be attracted to others. You may have defined LGBT+ as only "same sex attraction" but plenty others in the community--dare I say the majority of the community defines it as simply not being straight and/or cis.

Asexuals get medically mistreated in similar ways to gay and trans people through attempts at conversion. Asexuals get bullied, abused, correctively raped, etc by violent homophobes for all the same reasons too. Asexuals do not perform attraction and romance to the satisfaction of homophobes. Asexuals need community for the same reasons you do. They need similar protections from discrimination against orientation. This push to exclude asexuals is a rather recent trend that helps nobody, only serves to divide a community of vulnerable people that is strongest when united.

You’re a fucking liar, and disgusting and I hope you know that. 

You don’t get to retroactively tell people how they identified. You’ve “read old documents from well before AVEN was made discussing how the community viewed asexuals as a flavor of bisexuals since both groups feel equally attracted to all genders?” Liar. You mean you’ve read RECENT articles of people analyzing texts describing bisexual people and reading that as “asexual” even though that’s not how those people identified. 

You want to know how I know you don’t know SHIT about gay history? “This is similar to how the lines between the lesbian and bi women communities used to be a lot fuzzier back then, with both gay and bi women being labeled under the lesbian umbrella.” That never happened! Lesbian/gay women identified as such, and bi women identified as bi! Back then, bi woman said they were bi with their whole chests! They didn’t go around calling themselves lesbians! They do that now! Like what the fuck revisionist bullshit are you on about? Fuck off. 

Asexuality is not a sexual orientation because by your own definition, asexuals do not feel sexual attraction. What kinda nonsense? And there is no way for an asexual to “like” sex or whatever nonsense. You guys just made that up because in our hypersexual world, you don’t know the difference between someone with a low (or, hell, a healthy) libido and an actual asexual person. 

And shame on you, and there is a special place in HELL for you, for bringing up violent homophobia and conversion therapy and corrective rapes. Are people going around writing laws forcing you to have to have sex with someone? If you ever wanted to adopt, would the agency disqualify you for being asexual? 

The medical ish is real, and obviously traumatic, but to pretend that’s on the same level as conversion therapy (seriously, a deep, dark, HOT place in hell for you for that!), is deplorable! You have obviously never been to one, been threatened to be sent to one, or even spoken with someone who went through conversion therapy to pull that out of your ass. 

This is the reason why people don’t like you idiots. You take what could be valid critiques of our society’s views towards sex (hypersexuality, medicalization of low libidos, conservative expectations of relationship dynamics that treat people as broken for not wanting or enjoying sex) and morph them into fallacies, half truths, and false equivalences. You’re literally taking the experiences of other groups of people, and trying to say they happen to the same degree, and from the same place, as what asexuals face when that is just NOT true based on reality. 

You could grow up to be an adult, quietly never get married or date, and live your entire life without having sex and no one will kill you for it. Homophobes don’t care that you’re not fucking other people. They don’t care enough to use gay panic as a defense to murder you, they don’t care enough to ban you from marrying, you weren’t ignored during the AIDS crisis, you wouldn’t have to hide the fact that you don’t have sex from colleagues for fear of getting fired from your job for it, you don’t have to worry about being sent to camps to be electrocuted or sent to mental institutions or religious conversion therapy camps. Not now, not 20 years ago, not 50 years ago, not EVER. 

You can play the “we’ve always been there” game because there have always been people who probably would ID as asexual today, but the vast majority of those people got married, had kids, and that is more due to the fundamentalist religious nature of western society, especially in America, than it would be due to homophobia. Completely intellectually dishonest. 

Don’t fucking send me any more fucking shit, and if you do, come off anon so I can block you. In fact, I’ll make it easy and turn it off so you don’t hit that button by mistake. 

I have seen and experienced first hand real life traumatic homophobia, so don’t ever in your life try to come at me with that shit. I spent years thinking *I* was asexual because I was repressing my sexuality.

And that’s the biggest issue I have you with weirdos. Talking about “you can like sex and have sex and be asexual” nonsense. I see so many kids coming up that are taking LONGER to realize they’re gay/same sex attracted because they don’t relate to the hypsersexual, porn-obsessed way sex is portrayed. And they hear THIS nonsense and think “oh, I’m asexual.” Then they grow up, get interested in sex, and have literal mental breakdowns over their identities because they made not wanting to fuck their hogwarts house badge. 

We’re not talking about grown adults who have gone through numerous experiences coming to an understanding of their sexualities. It’s a bunch of kids who don’t realize that it’s normal to not experience overt and raunchy sexual attraction, that only wanting to sleep with someone you’re in a relationship with is literally normal, and who aren’t even old enough to legally rent a car trying to tell grown adults about their lived experiences. 

Fuck off mate. Just fuck off. You’re an idiot, and if you think you’re going to convince me of your side, you’re not.

And you really want to know how you’re not LGBT. Because with all the alphabet soup terms that have come up to describe bisexuality 40392092039220 times in recent years, gay people have (for the most part) not said that these people aren’t same sex attracted. Because, despite how unnecessary, they are same sex attracted. But you lot are the ones actual homosexuals and bi people are like “nah, you lot are weird. We don’t know you.” And there’s a reason. Because this response, aside from being intellectually dishonest, historically inaccurate, and filled with logical fallacies and bad-faith arguments, was at it’s very core WEIRD. 

You’re weird. Now sod off. 

[plays-the-thing]

The Mandalorian S2: Style Over Substance – A Companion Piece

This is a companion piece to this video where I examine the strengths and weaknesses of the first two seasons of The Mandalorian. It’s a collection of ideas and evidence that were cut for time or focus reasons from the main video. I’ve included both timestamps and quotes of what section of the video each idea refers to. Under a cut for length.

[1:48] Akira Kurosawa, whose movies would be very important in the western genre was very big on complete and realistic sets and effects because it helps the quality of an actors’ performance.

“The quality of the set influences the quality of the actors' performances. If the plan of a house and the design of the rooms are done properly, the actors can move about in them naturally. If I have to tell an actor, 'Don't think about where this room is in relation to the rest of the house,' that natural ease cannot be achieved. For this reason, I have the sets made exactly like the real thing. It restricts the shooting but encourages that feeling of authenticity." – Akira Kurosawa, Something Like an Autobiography

 [2:27] Like the original trilogy, The Mandalorian has its fair share of humor. The sequel trilogy also had a lot of humor, and was criticized for it, but it wasn’t the humor itself that I think people had a problem with, it was how the humor was done. See, in the original trilogy humor never changed or undercut the overall tone of a scene. If a scene is tense humor might lighten or even break the tension but never undercut it. The original trilogy would never, ever, make fun of the plot, character, or scenes in its own movie. The Mandalorian follows this mold of lightening or breaking tension without undercutting the scene itself which also helps it feel like the OT.

Just Writes video on Bathos is a good expansion on this idea. Personally, I find that particular brand of humor, popularized by the Marvel movies, extremely off-putting because it just screams at me to not take the story seriously and that makes it pretty hard for me to stay immersed in it. My three favorite marvel movies are Guardians of the Galaxy, Black Panther, and Thor Ragnarok because Black Panther doesn’t really do that kind of humor and Guardians and Ragnarok manage to make it seem natural by genuinely being comedies.

 [7:18] This brings us to Episode 4. Last time I criticized this episode, but I wasn’t very specific, I just mentioned that we were starting to get away from showing and towards telling. Let’s take a closer look.

The first part of this scene, where the kid was being a nuisance, was actually really good. It kind of seemed like it was going to lead into some genuine frustration with him being a nuisance and therefore maybe some drama in their relationship. 

[9:51] Cowboy Bebop is another space western with a strong style and a mix of vignettes and episodes which advance a characters story. But every single episode builds up the themes of the overall story even if the plot has nothing to do with it.

To be fair, not every episode builds up *Spike’s* story and themes, but Cowboy Bebop has four main characters and every episode works towards at least one of the characters’ stories, characterization, or relationships.

[12:20] Mando’s mistrust of IG, when they really have quite a lot in common, speaks to something about his character.

What does it speak to exactly? Well, everyone might have their own opinion about that but here’s mine:

 IG-11 used to be a hunter, but now Queel has reprogrammed him. Mando still sees the droid as the hunter and is adamant that it can’t be trusted no matter how much Queel insists that Mando must trust his work reprogramming the droid as an extension of trusting Queel himself.

Now, why does Mando hate droids so much, and particularly this droid? Well, that’s an open question, but I have my theories. Part of it is the trauma he experienced when he was young, but I think it runs deeper than that. You know how sometimes the traits that really bother you the most in other people are the things that you don’t like about yourself? The IG-11 that Mando met is a lot like the part of Mando that I’ve been calling “The Professional.” IG is efficient and ruthless, just like Mando on a job. They are deaf to moral and personal appeals in the face of a contract. This is also the part of Mando that took the kid to the Imperials in the first place, the part that he conquered and redeemed by the end of the third episode.

But IG has been reprogrammed. Just like Mando, he has changed and now cares for the child over himself. IG even develops a personality, and at one point attempts to tell a joke. But because IG reminds Mando so much of that part of him he had to defeat, he can’t bring himself to trust him. The tension between them persists pretty much up until IG fully demonstrates to Mando that he is there both to care for the child, and for Mando. In this moment Mando begins to really see how similar they are.

This connection makes it hard for him to let IG make his sacrifice, and he even appeals to this by telling IG that he thought his old core functionality was gone. But by reactivating his old functionality as a part of his new core function, IG is also giving Mando a template to incorporate his Professional self into his new self. He shows Mando that those two halves of his self that came into conflict back in the beginning can be synthesized into one new whole. He doesn’t need to reject any part of his identity.

Then the newly synthesized Mando dons his jetpack, fulfilling his only stated desire in the entire season, and defeats a scenery chewing villain to win the day.

But that’s just my interpretation, and I’m willing to haggle over what exact interpretation the evidence best supports.

[15:29] Speaking of Luke, let’s talk about fanservice. Now to be clear, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with fanservice, what matters is what always matters: how you use it.

This also applies to the other two “Trademarked Star Wars Problems” I mentioned in the last video: repetitiveness and hamfisted merchandizing. These things are not necessarily bad. For example:

I would bet Baby Yoda is the most successfully merchandized product since the OT, but there’s nothing wrong with that because they’re part of the story being told. Baby Yoda doesn’t distract from the story, they are part of the story. On the other hand you have Ewoks, which were originally going to be Wookies. I would bet they went with Ewoks at least in part to sell more cute toys…but at least they still sort of work with the story. In TLJ the penguin things are there for no other reason than to be cute and sell toys. Same with the crystal dog. They have literally no purpose in the story, and their obvious and prominent inclusion only to sell toys distracts from my immersion.

Obviously repetition is part of stories. That’s why we have tropes, and the Hero’s journey, as tools for a writer to communicate information quickly. Just from his outfit we know a lot about Han before he ever opens his mouth, same with Obi-Wan. In RotJ, the heroes need to blow up the Death Star again. It’s kind of annoying that we’re literally doing the same thing we did two movies ago, but at least it’s a little different. In TFA Han Solo reassures us that the Starkiller Base isn’t that big of a deal by saying “don’t worry, there’s always a way to blow it up.” This is an example of a character reaching out from the script and telling the writer to change their story because the repetition is getting ridiculous.

[18:32] So…why is it here? Yeah, I know who Thrawn is. I don’t know why Ahsoka does, or why she cares, or why I should care. If the writer had cared about that they would have made her talk to Mando about it so she could give some sort of story or character-based explanation for why she cares, instead of just dramatically saying his name.

I mean I know the most likely reason it was here: to build hype for her solo show, but they could have done that without punching my immersion in the kidney.

[20:20] So it was no surprise that in the end the Expanded Universe’s greatest hit of all piloted his X-Wing into the show. But, I didn’t mind this. They had been seeding that a Jedi would be coming to collect Groghu for a while now, and if you had been running through the timeline in your head you were probably at least half expecting this. It’s foreshadowed well, it’s part of the story, and it triggers our emotional climax.

The reveal is quite well done too. First it’s an X-Wing, then we see a Jedi dressed in Luke’s RoTJ gear but it’s over the security cameras so there’s no color, then we see it’s a green lightsaber, then they clearly show that it’s Luke’s lightsaber hilt, then they finally have him peel his hood back. Each small reveal builds up the suspicion in your mind that it’s Luke until it’s confirmed.

That being said I would totally understand if someone thought it was obnoxious and hamfisted to shove Luke into another story, even though it did work for me.

[29:12] Parts of it even connect back to Mando’s story and character, though not in a new way because it’s mostly a redo of Mando’s relationship with IG last season.

I understand that Mando breaks his rules a little bit more here, but it’s still a riff on the same theme of: Mando has a conflict with a character, the he sees the similarities between between them, and then circumstances force Mando to take his helmet off in front of the character.

However if his arc with the other Mandalorians was functioning properly than this could work as a synthesis of a change in ideology and a reassertion of his willingness to bend the rules, but instead it just comes across as another redo of stuff in the last season. It’s still halfway functional because by this point it’s easy to forget that Mando had a character arc last season and it reminds us of that right before they pull the trigger on his and Groghu’s separation…but redoing the development from last season doesn’t count as a real character arc.

[31:08] There is so much more I could say about all of the bad writing, plotting, and characterization in this season. There are so many things that just don’t make sense, waste our time, or just plain don’t work.

I’m still confused over what the writer was trying to do with the snow planet. Like they crash land there and Mando decides to go to sleep inside his hull-breached freezing ship and the fish chick is like “Mando this is dumb you should fix your ship” and then he just fixes it. What was even the point of handing Mando the Idiot Ball there? Why not just have him fix the ship without trying to commit suicide by hypothermia first? Like…what?

[31:27] Why are you just listing off a bunch of names that mean nothing to us like she’s a video game character telling us where we need to go next?

I want to point out that even though I’m using this footage of Delphine as a reference she’s actually managing to tell you something about Malborn and why he is trustworthy, so it’s actually better than what Bo is doing. Though to be fair the tidbit about “the forest planet” is cute since it will be a deforested planet when we show up, that line needed some character connection to not sound so weird.

[33:13] That’s what the point of Show Don’t Tell *really* is, it’s not about how much dialogue you use or whether a character is explaining something. It’s about using exposition to tell us something about a character at the same time. It’s about putting the camera in a place that shows us something about the character or the action, not just what’s happening. It’s about packing as much of the story as possible into every choice you make.

In Avatar, the way that Zhao tells us about Zuko’s banishment tells us a lot about both Zhao and Zuko. The camera angle here emphasizes Katara standing encouragingly over Aang’s back as he stares dejectedly at the ground (contrasted with Toph’s angry stare) and tells us about the nature of Katara’s relationship to Aang as his teacher and friend as opposed to Toph’s. In the opening shot of A New Hope, the low angle of the camera implies dominance and the length of the Star Destroyer shows us the long reach of the Empire. Every single time Zuko is on screen it is worth paying attention to which side of his face is dominating the shot: scarred or unscarred. Exactly what each side represents is up for debate: I tend to think of it not as good Zuko vs. bad Zuko but more as Zuko’s feelings of obligation to his family and people and Zuko’s obligations to his own sense of what he believes is right and what he needs to self-actualize.

Show Don’t Tell is just a saying. It’s a saying to encourage writers, particularly new or inexperienced ones, to focus on the *art* of telling the story instead of focusing solely on the plot and facts. I am using it somewhat liberally here to say it’s about “using exposition to tell us something about a character at the same time” but since that is about the art of telling stories, and not just a recitation of facts, it does technically count.

[34:32] With television shows and the way they can go on forever, and with how much money there is in going on forever, it seems like they always become a sagging mess at some point. Some of them manage to bring the quality back, but some of them don’t. So to a certain extent, these problems with the Mandalorian are kind of normal for television shows.

I can’t remember exactly where I stopped watching How I Met Your Mother, the last thing I remember is Ted dating some crazy girl and swearing off relationships. I abandoned The Expanse midway through season 2 earlier this year…maybe I’ll go back but boy was I bored. I made it all the way through the Wire. Season 2 had its problems but eventually got back on the right foot midway through or so, but the problems came roaring back in season 5 which it took me almost a year to finish because it was so agonizing.

Avatar is probably the most controversial choice here of a show in which the quality slipped but I firmly believe that if they cut out the second half of season 2 and the first half of season 3 the show would have been much, much better. Most everything in Ba Sing Se is tonally weird and the whole idea of a city with too many rules and bureaucracy is way too complex an idea for this show to tackle. Avatar does tackle incredibly complicated and adult themes for a kids show but in my view this was one step too far. They get Zuko to a place where he’s ready to join the Aang Gang but then have him backslide temporarily. There’s this whole idea of an invasion on the Day of the Black Sun but it would be such a story cheat to allow Aang to beat the Firelord without actually mastering the four elements and so obviously isn’t going to work. All of these things together just make it feel like wheel spinning where the story and characters aren’t actually growing or developing but just being padded out.

Except for “The Tales of Ba Sing Se” and “Appa’s Lost Days” obviously, those are great.

It’s actually pretty funny because the episode before Aang is supposed to fight the Firelord the first time (the Black Sun time) he’s a nervous wreck and everyone is trying out different psychological techniques to try and make him feel better which is…I guess sort of valuable for kids to see that nervousness is normal. But when you compare it to the second time he’s going to fight the Firelord, for real, it’s *so obviously* for real this time because Aang is having a *character* based crisis about the conflict between his pacifism and his duty to stop the Firelord. The comparison of the two is telling in terms of what was going on in the story of each.

[35:03] Now they are spinning it out into not one, not two, not three, but FOUR different shows all based on the Mandalorian. It’s almost gross how hard they are milking this.

Okay apparently they fired Gina Carano so I guess it’s not four anymore. Or maybe it is who knows. Listen, the point is they *intended* to make four shows okay.

[35:06] Thanks for watching all the way through to the end. These videos take a ton of time and effort so that means a lot. Even though I’ve reset my subscriber count to zero now that I’ve criticized the Mandalorian, I will continue to work on the channel as much as I can, so subscribe if you want to see more videos like this.

I promise to always give you my honest opinion.

Also I know I was shooting for one video a month and, well, I still am but these videos are really time-consuming. I want to make sure I maintain a really high level of quality and so sometimes I get halfway through a video, realize it’s no good and have to start over with something else. Sometimes it takes months of rewrites to get it to a place where I’m happy with it. This one came out pretty quickly, it was about 6 weeks from when I started the script to when I uploaded. Hopefully I’ll only get better and more efficient at it as I get more practice.

[the-raining-witch]

Masculinity and Femininity in Wicca

I wanted to write I post where I explain my thoughts on some controversy I've seen regarding wiccan masculine/ feminine symbolism that I can send to people during a discussion. And so here it is. Please understand that I am NOT an expert on wicca (and I'm solitary if it matters), nor am I anything beyond an absolute beginner is hermetic philosophy (which I'll be mentioning briefly). This is my CURRENT understanding of these energies and as always I am fully capable of being wrong and am willing to correct myself (I also feel it necessary to note that I’ve recently come out as nonbinary and would not intentionally invalidate trans identities if it seems I do so)

The issue comes from a incompatibility between traditional wiccan understanding of gender/ sexuality and the modern LGBT community's understanding of the same. In the earliest forms of wicca, no, LGBT individuals would not have been respected in all likelihood due to Gardner himself being homophobic (im unsure if he ever mentioned trans people). HOWEVER, the community has grown and changed significantly in the time since gardner and by looking at both those changes and by looking back at where wicca comes from the picture becomes... a lot less prejudice.

[I want to note again, this is MY understanding]

Wicca gets its ideas about what is masculine and feminine largely from the hermetic concepts of masculine and feminime energy and the hermetic principle of gender. From what I've read, a simple way to describe these would be that masculine energy is projective (what i often call force) and feminine energy is receptive/creative (what i often call form)

By the hermetic principle of gender literally EVERY single thing that exists has both masculine and feminine energies within them. In wiccan terms, the god and goddess come together to create all that exists, including every person regardless of their gender or sex

So everything that exists contains both natures, and so wicca does not fundamentally disagree with the existence or validity of binary trans or nonbinary people, assuming you'd base a psychological/physical phenomenon on energetic makeup anyway. So if that's your argument, most of the modern wiccan community would disagree with you anyway

The other thing that has people concerned however is the equating of genitals and these masculine/ feminine energies. Which is an understandable apprehension

The thing is, wiccan symbolism and discussion of the god and the goddess often stems from concepts related to the great rite, that is, its inspired by reproduction. Wicca is a fertility religion after all. In the process of human reproduction one person is going to embody masculine energy in the hermetic sense (projective energy), and one will embody feminine energy in that same sense (receptive/ creative energy) regardless of the actual genders of the individuals involved. That's why it was important to note that all people carry both energies. (And please understand i don't mean any sex, i mean reproduction specifically)

removing phallic/ yogic symbolism from wicca is, regardless of the honestly good intent, going to serve to seriously degrade the connection to some of the core ideas of wicca (the great rite in particular i think), something which there is already a serious issue with in the religion.

Human reproduction is a very sacred thing, and it includes a projective and receptive side simply due to evolution, with no regard for spirituallity or the experience of gender. The god and goddess are essentially the gods of reproduction and, due to the hermetic roots of wicca, are related to those projective and receptive concepts symbolized in reproduction.

Am I saying a wiccan has to use phallic/ yonic symbolism, no of course not. I can't dictate anothers path. What I am saying is that there's history and philosophy behind the use of these symbols that is NOT meant to reflect on the human condition, or make a statement regarding human gender or sexuality

Its important to remember that the gods are not human, and we do not as humans necessarily emulate them in our actions or experiences

[brokenforecast]

The Hierophant

The Hierophant: a muggle guide to tarot

A Hierophant, now there is something you don't see every day. Never actually. A Hierophant is a high priest or the pope as this card is sometimes called. Not exactly something that is part of our everyday life. It reminds me of a photograph on the mantelpiece of the house I grew up in, showing my grandmother and pope John-Paul II (pope from 1978 to 2005) from when he visited my home town in 1985. My grandmother told me it was the best day of her life. So we are obviously dealing with a religious figure here, with some authority but the meaning of the card goes way beyond that. This card is fairly simple though, so don't panic.

> ltr: Renaissance Tarot; Rider-Waite; Wild Unknown Hierophant

Symbolism

The Hierophant is almost always an elderly man adorned with the symbols of one or other religion, most often Christianity. You will see headdresses, robes, staffs representing guidance and power. He is mostly seated (thus stable) and accompanied by two pupils who seek knowledge and advice from him. He is flanked by two columns representing the gateway that this card challenges you to pass. In the Renaissance tarot the pillars are topped by acorns, making them obviously penis-shaped and indeed representing fertility as the acorn carries in itself the potential of the mighty oak tree. In the Dutch language they go even further: the Dutch word for acorn also means glans of the penis or head of the penis. A deep manliness exudes from this card. We also notice the all-seeing eye representing arcane and other knowledge.

Upright meaning

The Hierophant has several layers. The first one is the most obvious: the authority of institutionalized religion or believing what is in a certain old book or what old men tell you. The second is institutionalized knowledge as in formal education, taking lessons at a university for example. It's less about learning and more about the transfer of knowledge from a smart or wise person to another person. Thirdly it concerns rituals, ancient rituals to be exact: baptism, marriage (the ceremony, not the feelings), funerals but in a smaller sense also your everyday rituals and habits. On the deepest level this card is about conservatism in its purest sense.

> The beautiful and abstract Soul Cards Hierophant with both a key and some religious references if you can spot them.

Now I know a lot of you people out there have a deep dislike for conservatism because of the association with right or far-right politics or fundamentalist religion. Try to wipe that of the board for a second, we'll talk about that later. In it's purest sense conservatism cares about keeping what is valuable intact. I believe that to be equally valuable to changing things for the better. Everyone wants to change certain things in their life or in the world and everyone wants to keep certain things exactly as they are. Probably more than you imagine, because we tend to take a lot that is for granted and only notice it when it's gone.

> Hierophant from the True Black Tarot, my newest set. 

So far in our tarot journey we have encountered a rather progressive bunch: the fool asks us to be ourselves without any compromises, the magician asks us to use our abilities to shape the world as we like and the high priestess grants us all the new and exciting knowledge our curious heart desires. With the emperor we encountered a figure that is a little more conservative, asking us to make a structure or habit out of some of the good things we do. The hierophant asks us to make rituals out of those habits. The difference between a ritual and a habit is that you know why you made a habit about of a certain action (let's say to brush your teeth every day). A ritual is a repetitive action where the meaning of the action has become obscured and unquestioned or has transcended For instance forcing your children to brush their teeth even when they don't give a rats ass about mouth hygiene, it becomes a ritual they blindly follow. And they better do, especially since the cakes made out of poo incident. Or to put it another way: where a habit reflects a practical value you adhere to, a ritual is based on your deeper beliefs about right and wrong and the meaning of life.

Often, the key in life – and the key is a symbol often shown in this card – is to follow your deeply anchored and relatively unchanging core values. Look at it as you own personal bible, your own never changing truth. When confronted with a dilemma I find it often extremely helpful to consult my core beliefs. Of course this does not solve all dilemma's because once you think you have figured something out, life will kick you in the face and laugh at you. And obviously core values change over time, but that is not what this card is about. This is about clinging to them, believing them and applying them.

As an advisory card this one asks us not to rush into things, to think of what we could loose. To wonder if this is really something that aligns with what you stand for. It asks us to look at the present and truly see what has led to this and if that is really a bad thing. To the hierophant change is bad, unless embedded in tradition, ritual and a clear, uncut continuity with what has gone before.

> the Hierophant by the talented Kaylee Pinecone from her webcomic Tales of the Tarot, see the Hierophant here and the full series here

If this card represents a person it is mostly someone older and wiser, a teacher or professor perhaps. He dislikes change and likes tradition, old knowledge, he likes talking but considers listening to you a waste of time. Listen to him and take his advise seriously.

> the enigmatic Keymaster Tarot Hierophant: an imposing figure in formal robes and staff

Reverse meaning

When the Hierophant appears upside down things tend to get tricky. It can mean a number of things that are drastically contradictory so be careful and consider all possible meanings. Pick the one that feels most uncomfortable contemplating.

Opposite: craving change for the sake of change, being an iconoclast, a naive rebel, being against things without having a sound or realistic positive alternative. This all sounds bad but sometimes we need to get rid of things before we can see clearly where we want to go. A typical meaning is rebelling against your parents' religion or core value system. It can be very hard to shake beliefs you have grown up with but no longer serve you. But there is a warning though. As the iconoclasts in the 16th century destroyed valuable pieces of art in churches across Europe, so you are capable of inflicting irreparable damage to valuable elements in your life. If this card means you need to destroy tradition or if it warns against the possible disastrous effects of it, is up to you. Choose wisely.

Blocked: Authority and tradition are blocking you somehow. You revel in submissiveness to people in authority or to beliefs you might not even be aware you have. You might be redirecting responsibility in your life to things you see as uncontrollable or beyond your grasp. Ask yourself if they are indeed unchangeable. Drastic solutions are also solutions. What can you do yourself? Are these structures really what you believe in? Or is it simply wishful thinking.

Taken too far: now we enter the realm of reactionary reflexes, authoritarian power, a deep urge to reject everything new, challenging or uncomfortable. This is the realm of craving a past that never existed: when things were simple, truth was singular, change slow, identity reassuring and accepted. It is the realm of ultra-conservatism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, Romantic beliefs in a forgotten past when nature was pure, society a cohesive community and social relations fixed and comfortable. This past has never existed and never will again. It only leads to exclusion of anything and everyone that does not fit this ideal, which is ultimately everyone.  

> a rare female Hierophant by Casimir Lee, though it still has most of the traditional symbolic elements.

One cars spread – meditation on the hierophant

The hierophant asks us to awaken our inner conservative. To look beyond the modern idea of the individual capable of doing everything himself, free of all bonds of power or authority. It asks us to be passive, receiving in stead of transmitting or communicating. It asks us to be quiet, silent even and think of the past, tradition, rituals and if there is something meaningful in there for you. As homework the Hierophant asks you one thing: what do you want to conserve in your current position? How can you protect that?  What ritual (daily, weekly, monthly or yearly) can you put in place, or keep doing, that highlights that element? How can you truly embed that in your life so it never leaves?

No pop culture references this time, The Hierophant doesn’t go for that kind of things. Next episode: The Lovers

TLDR:

upright meaning: conservatism, formal education, core values reverse meaning: iconoclasm, submissiveness, ultra-conservatism

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Until recently – and, as most great metal controversies are, at the hands of some deliciously messy legal troubles – the identity of Ghost’s polarising, larger-than-life frontman remained the foundation-caked fever dream of conspiracy theorists everywhere. There were rumours that Tobias Forge (of Subvision and MagnaCarta Cartel fame) was behind the robe, but anonymity was sacred within the band, and they’d stop at nothing to protect theirs. But alas, March 2017 saw his former bandmates declare a mutiny, and Forge was unearthed as the puppet-master behind the garish and ghastly Papa Emeritus (in all his increasingly more sinister incarnations).

Not before Ghost had established themselves as the most important narrative-driven metal titans on the planet, however.

Some decried them as an industry plant – though Forge had been toying with the project since ’06, their 2010 breakthrough was sudden and substantial, racking up festival slots like skittles and more five-star reviews than you could shake a crucifix at. For a band so unremittingly enshrined in secrecy, there’s no way that could’ve been natural… Right?

Maybe. Except unlike most bands shot to stardom on the mighty heels of a major label’s budget, Ghost had the skills, work ethic and, perhaps most importantly, songs to do it on their own. Critics were floored by the thick and fiery rock’n’roll grit of the independently released Opus Eponymous. That their backstory was virtually nonexistent forced listeners to establish their own narratives (and they did, so often with grandiose character arcs that outweighed the context on which they were based). And their live shows – buoyant, brash, and marked by towering sets and lavish costumes – were instant sell-outs from the onset. Without so much as a name to their talents, Ghost had the metal scene en masse completely and utterly whipped.

Which brings us to the question many have tried (and failed) to answer: how the hell did they do it!?

Well… They didn’t.

You did.

We did.

Allow us to explain. Bands like KISS, Slipknot and Gwar have always turned heads on aesthetic alone. Anything that takes the listener out of their real world and drops them into an alternate one where mysticism and opulence are the norm is something that crowds will naturally gravitate towards. Because let’s face it, the world is fucked right now – we’ll take anything that can help us ignore it for a while.

But where Ghost set themselves apart is in that other world. It’s a twisted and twitch-inducing mass for the malevolent, led by a skull-faced pope in blood red papal mitre and a troupe of nameless, faceless deviants known only as the Nameless Ghouls (fun fact: Dave Grohl has been one). Each album era would see a new manifestation of Papa Emeritus emerge; on 2018’s Prequelle – their first since Forge’s identity leaked – the character was nixed, only to be replaced by the far more corrupt, far less merciful Cardinal Copia. By consistently evolving what little architecture Ghost had pieced together for their narrative, they’re able to keep the story feeling fresh. Nobody can get sick of the shtick when it’s flipped on its head every two years.

And though authentic to a tee (not once have their ritualistic live shows seen them break character), Ghost have never taken themselves all that seriously. They’ve covered songs by The Beatles and ABBA. There are glittering glam-rock synths all over Prequelle. Hell, they have a record named Popestar, for Satan’s sake! The niche is at once unnervingly harrowing and charmingly vaudevillian. Speaking exclusively to Download, Forge describes his character as “a little bit of Fred Astaire mixed with Jacques Clouseau.”

Much of the character’s base also plays into a common fantasy for most average punters: power. Nobody wants to be a Nameless Ghoul, but we all want to be that imperial deity up front. Never a band to spell their lyricisms out to the listener, Ghost offers them a chance to funnel themselves into Copia through the listening experience. Forge knows and embraces that – after all, he’s in the same boat.

“I think in many ways, Cardinal Copia is a lot like what I wish I could’ve been, or wish I was. Unfortunately, there are rules and regulations in the world that stop you from being like that… But you can be that character for two hours every night, and I guess that’s enough. A lot of what I’m doing with Ghost is what I always wanted to do as a kid – I wanted to be in a theatrical, larger-than-life band with a horror image and some cool mac daddy leading the drill.”

That link to childhood is also imperative, especially when you consider the climate in which Ghost arose. For most of us, when we think about other bands in the legion of Ghost, we think of our youth. KISS were likely the first shock-rock band we were introduced to as lil’ tikes, and a Slipknot addiction was a rite of passage for edgy tweens in the mid-aughts. Ghost are the natural next step on that path: they’re comic enough for the imagery to pop, but mature enough to keep us sticking around for the music afterwards. KISS’ influence on Forge was vital in establishing the aesthetic narrative of Ghost, but sonically, it was black metal troupes like Blasphemy that roped him in. He revels in the subconscious nostalgia that’s hardwired in all of us, and not just visually – it's in Ghost’s core of mystery.

“I grew up as a black and death metal fan in a time before the internet. Back then, you had very little to go on – especially with the darker sort of bands. I’d look back at bands like Venom and Mayhem and Blasphemy – bands where you’d only seen maybe one or two pictures of them, because there wasn’t any more than that. You’d see one or two interviews in print, and maybe a video, and you had to fill in all the blanks. All you knew about them were the little quotes in magazines, and lore. There were a lot of rumours.

“Obviously, all of that changed with the internet. Now, you can just click on anything and know everything about anything you want. And I wanted Ghost to be different. I wanted Ghost to be more in line with the sort of bands that I liked before the internet, where you had to use your imagination and you had to wonder a little.”

So that’s where we come in. We can dig ourselves into a Reddit rabbithole and binge all the conspiracy theories we want, but in essence, every Ghost fan will have a different interpretation of Ghost’s lore. It’s a living, breathing Choose Your Own Adventure book for millennial metalheads. And that lack of content, paradoxically, has us starving for more. Because we’re living in a generation of addiction; instant gratification as the norm. By fervently denigrating it, Ghost feed off society’s innate desperation for #content.

“In the ABC school of rock,” Forge chuckles, “It’s part of the natural go-to for an artist to have a very active Instagram account and a very active Twitter account; you have to be super available and updating at all times about everything at all. It’s in the mental lingo of people to do that nowadays, and it’s very hard to get someone to do it less, because that means they’ll get less people interacting with them. On the contrary, I see it as though part of our success has been because we gave people less!

“Part of why we liked all the bands that we liked was because they actually had a private life, y’know? If you’re constantly doing things to interact with the outside world, you’re going to end up very, very drained after a while. That was definitely something that goes with the whole concept of Ghost, in terms of how I wanted this to be presented to the world and how we were going to communicate with the world. I mean obviously, we have an Instagram account and we do post things from time to time, but y’know, it’s not a personal thing. I won’t tell you where I’m having dinner tonight.”

All the trickery and serpentine storytelling aside, the biggest factor in Ghost’s catapult to the top of the food chain is that they’re just a great band, both to listen to on record and catch from the pit. Because at the end of the day, Forge and co. actively rebel against their very concept. Their aesthetic is strewn in eeriness, satanic imagery and crypticism, but their end goal isn’t to suck you into some hellish cult – it’s to leave you with a big ol’ smile on your dial.

“I always wish for people seeing us to experience some sort of euphoria,” Forge declares. “I always wish for people seeing us to experience some sort of euphoria. Euphoria as in the, y’know, I want them to be enlightened and pleased with what they’re seeing, and going away with a smile on their face. I guess that’s also one of the differences between us and a lot of bands that have operated in a similar framing; with a lot of horror bands and a lot of black metal bands with a similar image, the show is usually all sort of centred around the idea of very aggressive music and a negative sort of outlook. I just want people to leave the show with a smile on their face!”

DownloadFestival.au

[autonomousbosch]

An Authentic City

The thought of meeting total strangers from online spaces has always seemed a uniquely terrifying prospect to me. Perhaps because of the anonymous culture in which I spent most of my time, social spaces have always had a speculative disconnection from reality, either due to pseudonymous or anonymous nature, that encouraged either a looser definition of reality or a heightened critical interpretation that suspends a great deal of ideas and concepts in a column full of at best dubiously accurate information. Reading things in a manner which holds that they may or may not be real forges a very bizarre scrutiny as welcome trade-off for allowing people to escape or at least make voluntary certain aspects of their existence. Even if something is lost in terms of identity, something is gained in the amount of new flexibility to experiment in ways that would otherwise be denied.

In most cases I think this is a healthy state of affairs, to take people seriously but maybe not literally. To care less about the physical form or immutable characteristics of the agent delivering information, or even ignore the ethical components in which some incongruence might cause a critical disconnect in a more physical space. To many people I think such a thing is a great liberation, to explore components of your character or interactions with other people that you could simply never have access to. 

Such is definitely the case with me. There are certainly elements I do not feel privileged or afforded in person that, without online communication, would simply be lost to me. Downwind of this is a deep concern that perhaps I’ve established some ostentatious front, some unreal impostor doing all this communication with total strangers who at best I hope to call friends. It should go without saying that in many of these instances, all that people tend to have access to are handles, forming brands; social media effigies and facsimiles in place of the tangible, observable features of their personality.

Absolutely stricken with this fear, I set out to conquer it Friday morning at 9 AM, but actually it became 10 AM. It turns out I also needed to let the dogs out before leaving and had forgot about this, so 10:30 AM. From where I live, it’s two hours and some change to Charleston, South Carolina, where I am meeting the second Jewish person I have ever met.

Opening Up

The details of the trip there were largely forgettable, the usual exorcism of nervous energy through listening to powerviolence and biting my lips or blastbeating my hands on the steering wheel barreling down the interstate at 80 miles per hour. Managed to arrive a small little coffee shop right at two or so hours in Charleston, a city I’ve never actually spent a ton of time in as an adult. Cities are extremely large and noisy, very busy. The sheer number of bodies moving through, in and out of them confounds my want for a relative intimacy. There is a paralysis to it all, that the small stretch of land I know so deeply is taken from me and replaced with a paralysis brought about by an over-stimulation of sorts. 

Somewhat still frightened at what things will be like, I walk in and have the sudden realization that we could not be more obvious as strangers demystifying some curious affect. There is a handshake, a smile, and a plea to go to the restroom. I shake some jitters off and greet Jay again (obviously Jay is not his name, but it’s his name for all intents and purposes). He offers me an espresso while I’m still in a quiet shock and of course I accept, I’ve never had an espresso before. 

We sit down at a small wooden bar facing out to the road and begin the process, making small talk the way normal people would. Maybe? The circumstances certainly don’t feel normal, a bit more naked than that in a way. There are things I’ve only ever typed simply because there is no incentive to say them out loud. A great number of things it occurs to me, never before have I felt so silly constantly mispronouncing things I love to chit-chat about or analyze in pseudonymous spaces. 

Jay’s demystification was also quite fun for me. I settled on wearing pineapple pants very much ahead of time just to make sure I was easily spot-able, on the other hand Jay was very obvious in a way that’s difficult to describe. Even down to the way he held his cigarette while smoking, it was obvious he wasn’t from around here.

We talked about our brothers and then about our families, when Jay told me about his parents and how his interest in psychoanalysis were no doubt cultured from youth. I think about epistemic lineage, how the things most people consider or think about have a highly cultured and traceable structure, and how this accounts for the lack of incentive to talk about anything deep or meaningful around my usual haunts, the places where I’m real. 

I’m discovering, slowly albeit, how good it feels even though I must seem pretty silly about things. After noticing the ideas I share in common with Hannah Arendt, something Jay had inadvertently introduced me to less than a month earlier, we read pieces of The Human Condition (I believe it was) on Jay’s tablet.

Out comes a small wooden plank with a shotglass full of espresso and a small glass of water. I instantly reach for the espresso when Jay tells me that the water should go first. For cleansing the palate obviously! 

Obviously, huh. Quietly I begin considering the depth of things that aren’t obvious to me. Jay is a very cosmopolitan person while the list of cities I’ve set foot in could probably fit as fingers on two hands. In fact, perhaps nothing could have articulated the contrast between two people quite so well. I’m very intensely self-aware of an unsophisticated classlessness that might seem like some sort of self-abasement to others but to me very much feels like just how things are. I do not travel, I do not read. I don’t really have much of an education to speak of. When I bring this up, people say that stuff doesn’t matter but this awareness is something that I don’t think is motivated by any kind of resentment, as I’m certainly not resentful of Jay. With a near immediacy I feel a deep sense of relief that I immediately love Jay. It’s just that there is an articulation I don’t feel like I have access to, a finite number on the experiences I will ever have to glean insight from or develop some kind of feeling on. An acknowledgement that at the root of humbleness is humility; a life lived in perpetual embarrassment at how much greater the world itself is than any singular person.

We go on about minutia and I feel so great finally getting all these words out of my mouth to smooth out the difference between whatever I am digitally and whatever I am physically. 

Authenticity

We arrive at a southern BBQ joint in Mount Pleasant just outside of Charleston. I’m even less familiar generally with Mount Pleasant but that doesn’t really matter, the idea is that no visitor and much less a friend could leave the south without experiencing authentic southern barbecue. 

In the American southeast, the only region that has truly figured it out, barbecue is pulled pork (sometimes pork shoulder, but best when it’s a whole hog), smoked and covered in a vinegar-based BBQ sauce which is, like all good things, created to taste. Being the lovely day that it was, I selfishly opted for us to sit outside. We roll over the menu and discuss beer and food, and in the process a waiter approaches us in one of the most puzzlingly aggressive manners I’ve seen in quite some time. It’s almost a caricature out of some film the way he stands, delivering the laurels of this restaurant as an imaginary photographer would zoom his imaginary camera directly onto his eyebrows, straightened with a purposed fury as he informs us that this place was rated the number 2 restaurant for southern cuisine in all the land.

We place our order for beer and food and our waiter scuttles away, after which I remark how bizarre it is for a genuine southern restaurant to have British staff, as clued in by his accent. 

I tell Jay the same thing I’m writing now, that this is doubtful because authenticity itself is such a strange concept. For southern BBQ, it’s much more likely that the authentic thing would be had by a merchant with a portable smoker on the side of the road of any given main street. What I’ve discovered since is how much more I had to say about authenticity. What I couldn’t articulate then, the thing that struck me so odd about our waiter, wasn’t that I have no faith that a British chef could not produce authentic southern cuisine but that authenticity is dubious itself, something I feel much more intensely and immediacy as we talk.

I had been scared for days leading up to then that I have constructed some version of myself that is if not a lie to other people, than a certain smoothing of the reality of things. People message me for advice lifting and exercising when I’m still a pretty overweight guy, all things considered. Maybe they wouldn’t do such a thing if they saw me. People talk to me about firearms, things I’ve owned and been intimately aware of for perhaps three years now. People talk to me about all manner of things I would never interject into reality, because I have no real confident voice in basically any of it.

Online I am allowed a layer of sincerity and affection I simply don’t have access to in reality. In no way am I less interested in these things, in learning about people, in empathizing with them or engaging with them. There is no irony to it, no disinterest in the aesthetics I commit myself to. I love Jay because of the contrast between us, because Jay can help me articulate things in a way I never would’ve been able to; to pattern match the observations I’ve had on my own to the language the institution itself has. Even beyond this, Jay is a powerful ally in that even though my core convictions aren’t always able to articulate, he is perpetually at the ready to really understand me even if the things I’m saying are frivolous (they might be! they usually are!).

Just like me, I have zero doubt from the killing intent our waiter had that what he is doing is not done simply out of a coerced obligation. Just as I can confront this now, I can also confront the reality that there truly is no separation between different versions of me. I am no impostor keeping up a facade I’m uninterested in when finally given flesh.

Contrast

Jay is an exceptionally well-read person. Maybe he wouldn’t describe himself that way, but this is what you’re going to appear to people who are functionally not literate.

We set out on foot (people do this in cities right?) to a nearby coffee shop, on the way I enjoyed the ways in which Jay illuminated how much of the thoughts I had about serious things had some psychoanalytical phrasing or framing, a comforting revelation in a number of ways. It turns out that in many ways simply thinking something in solitude is agonizing, the chance to share them and, what’s more, discover a great well of corroboration is no small gift and, if even for the moment, I’m happy to have received in part. 

I got a macchiato. I’ve never had one before of course. Jay tells me that the perfect macchiato should have an excellent balance of bitterness, something which I can’t possibly know and doesn’t really have any bearing on how delicious it was and how much I needed it in retrospect.  

The one instance I remember quite vividly however was perhaps the most revealing. We were discussing psychoanalysis and repression, and I asked Jay outright if he thought that repression had some relationship to metacognition. I’ve since realized I have developed an awful knack for picking out particularly interesting things people will say and then immediately interrogating them about it with an intent stare waiting for a reply. I don’t mean to be intimidating, I just dislike letting interesting moments pass unseized. His response was that he had no idea, that it would require a much more in-depth familiarization with someone and that this knowledge needs a certain amount of consent from the subject. It’s reassuring considering the nature of psychoanalysis, but what I’ve since wished I would’ve said after this moment where Jay looks out across the deck is that I feel a remarkable amount of insight from the distance between us. 

I care primarily about art. Not in the classical definition of things, but in the inherent artfulness of the world itself. I feel a deep conviction that people can do very little, take very few steps and interact with very few people without creating narratives of some nature, and that the best any person (projection, read this as me) could hope for is to be at the heart of as many beautiful ones as possible. To be a wonderful friend, a warm person. These are things I don’t consider myself now and certainly have a hard time meeting the standards of as much as I should, but they influence and inform my relationships with people so deeply that I would be remiss not to mention it.

Even in a pragmatic sense, I feel very much like an artist too inept to properly express himself at anything. I adore artists as I’m jealous of their singular dedication to one thing above the many joys of creation given to people. If I have arrived at any single correct thought, any astute observation, it stems primarily from this. Regardless of what else I am confronted with, nothing will make as much sense to me reflexively as art itself.

I feel this relative difference between us in small tokens throughout any conversation. When we talk about resentment, I feel it’s a problem of removing people of a call to action and creation while Jay reads it as part of a cognitive system. Both may be correct, but my observation is motivated by wanting people to explore and articulate themselves unencumbered. When Jay considers psychoanalysis to be something too strong to be engaged in without consent, I see art itself as something people simply don’t have the option to opt out of in the first place. Psychoanalysis has a rich canon of materials to draw from, but fiction and artifice have always held a unique position above all else; in many ways it’s through artistic and creative expression that we make us and pay tribute to the rich history of thought itself. Building an AK47 will remove the necessity of much of Mao’s work, much of Joseph Campbell’s bibliography is easily derived from mythical texts themselves. 

There is no feeling of these positions being at odds however, more a wonderful revelation of how well the two work in concert with each other; how easily the conversation sways and meanders without any hint of irrelevancy in sight. 

Friendship

Walking with Jay along the streets of Mount Pleasant to a used book store, he is sharing with me small bits of Lacan who seems like a pretty interesting fella. We talk about the development of bants in the western canon, which is the first time I ever mention Titus Andronicus out loud. 

We arrive at the bookstore which could not be more adorable, kitschy wallpaper on the glass resembling piles and piles of books hiding a store that is piles and piles of books. Of course I walk in with the desire for two books in particular, while we both silently separate to browse the bibliography on offer.

I do not find what I’m looking for, but I do find interesting artifacts my friends have enjoyed. While browsing I realize the necessity of these people who are newly revealed to not be internet strangers. They are real people. In front of me sits a series of novella-length writing by Albert Camus and I’m immediately reminded of the treasured relationships I’ve managed to cultivate somehow. The serious people I am obscenely happy to have had become an influence on my life, the cultivation of my person perhaps none of them are aware of regardless of my attempts to explain to them. Albert Camus, Virgina Woolf, Leo Tolstoy, I grab this list of books eager to learn more about the aesthetics my friends cling to so tightly that I might learn more about them.

Just as I make this consideration, Jay approaches me with the cutest pulp scifi book telling me that perhaps I’ve got too much and perhaps I should consider whether these are books I feel like I should read or if they’re books I’m genuinely interested in. I of course immediately ignore this advice.

Parting

I don’t know how to start things and I don’t really know how to end things. After making a decent trek back to our cars and a somber realization that work calls the very next morning, we decide to leave. I was determined to hand Jay a token of the south, some coffee I’ve come to love recently that he could only get from here, hoping he enjoys it. He tells me that we should meet again and, embarrassingly, the thought had never occurred to me. Something about this instance did (and still does) feel positively magical, that such a thing could happen twice was simply not a consideration. Of course I said yes! He suggested I visit New York City, which of course I said yes to!

What I realized parting, more than anything else, was how much time I had spent worrying when I should’ve spent time preparing. I didn’t think to bring shoes to enjoy a match of tennis, I didn’t think about the things most prescient to talk about with one of the most influential people in my life. The feeling of a deep frustration with the lack of time to be free to engage with the people I cherish and the things I hold dear, the accomplishments I want to make in no small part thanks to them. The question of authenticity, the real me is illuminated by the people I choose to become my treasured peers, influences that compel me to refuse to leave the totality of my passion inert and left to wither in an environment devoid of stimulation. There was never a separation between the person I felt I appeared to people and the person that I am, only a figure lacking definition and much magic is stored in that revelation.

Of course I simply can’t be done seeing their faces, hearing their voices, picking at their brain in a bizarre manner in which nothing has changed; the only people who exist then are the people we choose to hear. We are something old constantly becoming something new, and regardless of the influence we claim little will change us more in the long run than the influence we exert on each other. It’s precisely the indulgence of these influences that I deeply desire, more than the answer of the dubious nature of authenticity itself. 

[mcknightharbo36-blog]

Lisk Wallet

Lisk (LSK) was produced as a platform to get creating decentralized applications throughout Javascript. The goal of the task is to produce a decentralized enhancement platform regarding software that is more sensible to developers and gives them all larger rewards regarding their projects, unlike typically the current centralized tools such as Google Play and the Apple App Store, the two which take the lion�s share of any kind of profits. Lisk has the personal currency that goes because of the ticker symbolic representation LSK and you will purchase them on a good number of exchanges. On the other hand, if you do this you�ll in addition need a new wallet to help store them throughout, mainly because it isn�t safe just to keep them in the particular exchange billfolds. With that will in mind I�ve developed the tutorial below to help the 7 most effective Lisk wallets for tightly stocking your LSK. Top rated 6 Lisk Wallet s Unlike quite a few of the smart written agreement bridal party in the room right now, Lisk can be definitely not an ERC20 common. They have not constructed their blockchain on best of Ethereum�s. Hence, they will demand the bespoke variety of wallets mainly because ERC20 compatibility just don't perform. We have compiled an index of the best Lisk wallets and handbags together with storage choices that will are at present on typically the market. Our criteria has been based on a range of variables including the particular user friendliness, community assist and of course often the security of the wallet. This is not necessarily an thorough list but if you want to always be using an additional wallet, make sure that it has broad local community help. They are shown in order of inclination. Ledger Nano S (Hardware Wallet) A hardware wallet is your best choice with regard to secure storage of LSK or any additional cryptocurrency for example. Until lately the Ledger did not really support LSK safe-keeping, nevertheless in Oct it additional support for Lisk and now it�s possible to retail store LSK in a Journal Nano S i9000. The Journal looks like some sort of UNIVERSAL SERIAL BUS flash drive, and throughout improvement to using that for Lisk you could in addition use it for even more than 800 other cryptocurrencies. The Ledger team proceeds adding support for even more coins all the time period, and chances are the favorite coin can be saved in the Journal. Journal Nano S Lisk Pocket book Get your Journal Piccolo S Today In supplement to using security and PIN codes with regard to safety measures, the Ledger as well exhibits transactions of a new little OLED screen, yet involves the user to real depress a button on the Ledger product in order to confirm any purchase. This kind of prevents hackers from remotely accessing your funds, merely because would be unable to be able to physical click the key and verify any purchase they might be wanting remotely. This Ledger is definitely also very easy in order to set-up, and yet as safe as possible. The main detraction is that it isn�t free, but thanks to a the latest price decrease you can easily get a Ledger Ridotto S for just $69. 99, which is some sort of tiny price to pay for safe-guarding your cryptocurrencies. Trezor Design One (Hardware Wallet) This Trezor is another seriously popular hardware wallet which is developed by a business inside Czech republic known as Satoshi labs. This is slightly more expensive than the journal wallet plus comes in at �69 + VAT. In get to use the Trezor budget for your Lisk, you will have to be able to put in the LiskishWallet which will is a new third-party budget with some sort of Trezor the use. Liskish Budget Trezor Often the LiskishWallet Person Interface. Picture Source: Trezor Like the particular Ledger Nano, typically the Trezor wallet will retailer your own personal private keys within an real world atmosphere and it is going to socialize with the LiskishWallet through the Usb-connection. Typically the Trezor is also a good multi currency wallet. You may store up to seven hundred diverse coins including all of the ERC20 compound. When the Trezor Model One should be ample for your purposes, generally there are some money the fact that that does not assist (Monero, Ripple and Cardano to name a few). If these are cash that you HODL together with would like to likewise store you may want to be able to consider the Trezor Model T. This is a little bit more costly than the Model One plus charges �149 + VALUE-ADDED TAX. Having said that, the Model Capital t offers a more end user helpful LCD color screen and that is bigger than the model one. Lisk Hub (Desktop Wallet) Lisk Hub is definitely called the most advanced Lisk wallet, and it was released when Lisk relaunched recently. It�s not just a good wallet. It�s an multiple solution to manage your current Lisk tokens and Lisk IDENTITY. In addition to help the basic sending and becoming fnction, the Lisk Heart can also be employed to vote for delegates. And it lets you track each of the Lisk activity, from the blockchain on its own to the Lisk Myspace feed. Lisk Hub Finances The Lisk Hub Personal computer Wallet. Image Source: Lisk Hub Future releases involving Lisk Link plan to incorporate a decentralized exchange, often the capability to launch the ICO, network in addition to market monitoring, and typically the ability to sign-up a new app. In addition, you are able to register yourself because the delegate, and anyone can stake together with create Lisk right in the pocket book. There�s really no need for any kind of other Lisk wallet if you have the Lisk Hub. Lisk Centre is available for the two House windows and Macintosh personal computer. Lisk Primary (Desktop Wallet) Lisk Primary is basically the full Lisk node, which will means you need to acquire and synchronize together with the whole Lisk blockchain. The Lisk Core has far more functionality as compared to just acting as a good wallet, and is ideal for developers that are looking to interact having the Lisk blockchain around the creation connected with decentralized applications. Besides easily stocking, sending and acquiring LSK, you can also forge and stake with Lisk Core and this provides you with complete access to API development kits. The Lisk Primary is only suggested for those with highly technical backgrounds, and is best for developers who desire to handle the Lisk blockchain. Lisk Commander (Command-Line Desktop Wallet) The Lisk Commander was once known as �Lisky� and is a method to have interaction with the Lisk blockchain in a demand line program. Basically the idea is Lisk Primary, but with a command brand interface. It allows an individual to communicate with local and remote Lisk nodes, as well as performing Lisk-related functions via its command word line toolset. Even even Lisk Hub Wallet than the Lisk Primary, this finances is meant for those which possess highly technical backgrounds. You ought to be familiar with command brand interfaces and language when you�re taking into consideration using Lisk Command. Lisk Mobile (Mobile Wallet) The mobile variant of the Lisk budget is so good there are 4. 9 out connected with 5 stars on Yahoo Play and even 4. 4 stars out of 5 on the Apple App-store. It is a good easy to be able to use cellular application the fact that gives you the power to store, send and acquire Lisk tokens easily. Lisk (LSK) was created as a good platform for generating decentralized purposes in Javascript. The goal of the particular project is to develop the decentralized development system for apps that will be more true to programmers and gives all of them greater rewards for their designs, as opposed to the current central tools such as Search engines Play plus the Apple App Store, both of which take the lion�s share of virtually any revenues. Lisk has its own foreign money that goes by the ticker symbol LSK plus you can purchase these people on a number of exchanges. Nevertheless , if anyone do this you�ll also need a wallet for you to store them all in, mainly because it isn�t protected to help just keep them in the trade wallets. Together with that in mind I�ve came up with the guide beneath to help the 8 best Lisk wallets to get tightly holding your LSK. Top a few Lisk Wallets As opposed to several of the smart commitment tokens in the living space at this time, Lisk is certainly not an ERC20 standard. Many people have definitely not created their own blockchain on top involving Ethereum�s. Consequently, they require a bespoke selection involving wallets because ERC20 abiliyy just will not perform. All of us have produced a collection of the top Lisk pouches and storage area options that are currently in the marketplace. All of our criteria was determined by a new number of factors which include the person friendliness, group support and naturally the safety measures of the wallet. This is not an radical list but if an individual are going to possibly be using an additional wallet, make sure that it offers extensive community support. They are classified by order connected with preference. Journal Nano S (Hardware Wallet) A good components wallet is your best selection for secure safe-keeping connected with LSK as well as any cryptocurrency for that matter. Until finally recently the Ledger would not support LSK hard drive, nevertheless in September that added in support for Lisk now it�s possible for you to store LSK in some sort of Ledger Ridotto S. The particular Ledger seems as if a new OBTAINABLE flash drive, and around addition to be able to using that for Lisk you can also make use of the idea for more when compared to how 900 other cryptocurrencies. This Ledger team continues including support for more gold coins all the time, together with chances are your favorite coin could be stored at the Ledger. Ledger Piccolo S Lisk Wallet Get hold of your Ledger Nano S Today In addition to be able to using encryption and PIN NUMBER codes with regard to security, this Ledger also displays orders of a modest OLED screen, but involves typically the user to physical depress control button on the Journal device to help affirm any transaction. This avoids cyber criminals from via network being able to view your funds, simply because they would always be unable to physical hit the button and verify any transaction they could be seeking remotely. This Ledger can also be very quick to set-up, and yet just as secure as possible. Their main detraction is of which it isn�t free, nonetheless thanks to a current value decrease you can get hold of a Journal Nano S i9000 for just $69. 99, which is a small price to pay intended for securing your cryptocurrencies. Trezor Model 1 (Hardware Wallet) The Trezor is a further really popular components pocket that is developed simply by a company in the Czech republic named Satoshi labratories. This is slightly more costly than the ledger finances and comes in on �69 + VAT. Inside order to use the Trezor wallet for your own Lisk, you must install the LiskishWallet the industry third-party budget with a Trezor whole body. Liskish Wallet Trezor This LiskishWallet User Interface. Picture Source: Trezor Like the Ledger Nano, the Trezor budget will store the individual keys in a good off the internet environment and it can interact with the particular LiskishWallet over the USB network. The Trezor is also a numerous forex wallet. You are ready to store up to seven hundred different coins which includes the many ERC20 complex. Although the Trezor Model A person should be adequate regarding your purposes, there are some gold and silver coins that it does not necessarily help (Monero, Ripple and Cardano to be able to name some sort of few). In the event these are coins that you HODL and might like to also shop you may want to think of the Trezor Model To. This is slightly more pricey than the Model A person and costs �149 and up. VAT. However, the Kind T has a new more user friendly LCD color screen that is bigger than the type one. Lisk Hub (Desktop Wallet) Lisk Hub can be called advanced Lisk budget, and that was published when Lisk relaunched lately. It�s not just a wallet. It�s an all-in-one solution to manage your Lisk tokens and Lisk IDENTITY. In addition to often the basic sending and becoming fnction, the Lisk Heart can easily also be used to vote for delegates. And it lets you monitor the many Lisk activity, through the blockchain itself in order to the Lisk Twits supply. Lisk Hub Pocket The Lisk Hub Computer Finances. Image Source: Lisk Center Future releases involving Lisk Hub plan to include a decentralized exchange, the power to establish an ICO, network and even market checking, and the ability to ledger a good new application. Within add-on, you can sign up yourself as a use outsourcing for, and you will stake and go Lisk right within the wallet. There�s really little or no need for any other Lisk wallet if you currently have the Lisk Hub. Lisk Hub is offered for both equally Microsoft windows together with Mac. Lisk Core (Desktop Wallet) Lisk Core is in reality a full Lisk node, so that you need to download and harmonize with the entire Lisk blockchain. The Lisk Core has far more functionality in comparison with just working as the pocket, and is perfect for developers who are looking to interact with the Lisk blockchain in the creation involving decentralized apps. Besides simply storing, delivering and receiving LSK, you can also forge and stake with Lisk Core and it gives you finish admittance to API development equipments. The Lisk Core is actually advised for those using extremely technical backgrounds, and is ideal for developers who else want to handle the particular Lisk blockchain. Lisk Arranger (Command-Line Desktop Wallet) Often the Lisk Commander was once regarded as �Lisky� and is a way to interact with the particular Lisk blockchain in some sort of command series interface. Fundamentally it is Lisk Central, but with a control line interface. It permits you to communicate together with local in addition to remote Lisk nodes, in addition to performing Lisk-related functions via its control line toolset. Even extra so than the Lisk Key, this wallet is usually meant for those who have really technical backgrounds. You need to be familiar with command line terme plus terminology if you�re taking into consideration using Lisk Command. Lisk Mobile (Mobile Wallet) Often the mobile version of the Lisk wallet is thus good it includes 4. being unfaithful out of five stars on Google Play and even 4. 3 stars out of 5 on the Apple App-store. It is a easy to use mobile application that gives you the power to store, send and get Lisk tokens very easily. While it does not yet have the state-of-the-art delegate features implemented from the Lisk Hub desktop finances, that functionality is planned for future releases. It is also planned to add FaceID and TouchID for added in security inside upcoming versions. Lisk Document Wallet This is certainly a great unofficial paper pocket, but can be still a great means to fix storing your LSK when security is of top significance, and if anyone aren�t planning on utilizing your LSK any time shortly. One problem is that you simply cannot stake and create your current LSK if you possess that stored in this specific paper pocket, which could be a major downside for users that are planning on gaining more LSK by simply staking their current LSK atelier. Because this can be the unofficial version it�s advised to download the particular source computer code and wide open index. code on a good personal computer that isn�t related to the internet to help generate your wallet. As soon as you have carried out that and have your seedling words, you can spot them in the safe spot for longer name cool storage. Conclusion Lisk wallets and handbags have made major step-size in the second 50 percent of 2018. The inclusion of Journal hardware budget support, some sort of mobile finances, and the substantial functionality of the Lisk Link wallet gives users good choices for storing his or her Lisk tokens. You may possibly observe that I haven�t mentioned this Lisk Nano budget, which is the light budget which was used for saving LSK. Even though that finances does really exist currently, this Lisk progress team is stopping help for Lisk Nano on January one, 2019. The Lisk work is a robust a person, and holding LSK bridal party could be a wise transfer, especially since an individual can pole and make with Lisk and help to make further tokens. And therefore can make having a solid pocket for storing LSK more importantly. Places to Buy LSK: Binance Bittrex Huobi HitBTC Poloniex

[questwithjess]

An Open Letter, to the ‘Affected-By-YouTuber-Scandal’ Community:

**below includes some adult language and extensive discussion of sensitive topics** 

Okay, so…this is mostly regarding the current, Logan Paul debacle... 

I don’t often comment on these kinds of events; but this, plus Felix’s 2017 issues, have made me feel that it might now be irresponsible, not to try to explain some of the idiosyncratic, psychosocial phenomena, at play here.

Be warned, I’ve got a long, strange, tangent-prone, and distinct opinion: and it’s one, I imagine, not many people are going to approve of, or share in with me. 

Nor, is it the opinion most people would expect of someone who has, both, had a close friend commit suicide by hanging; and who also, on a separate occasion, found the body of a very close loved one. These are devastating experiences, and that goes without saying. However, the equally-unavoidable truth, is that these experiences are also highly subjective.

Of course, in Logan Paul’s case, we can all agree, including Logan himself, that he handled this more-than-badly. And honestly, if that was someone I loved in his video, it would be much harder for me to say this: but, even so, I do think that there’s more to this situation to be addressed, than just to vilify a still-maturing, still-youthfully-impulsively-irresponsible, career-choice-YouTuber.

And this is where context becomes SO important; because BOTH sides are morally right, to a degree.

These actions are both condemnable and defendable: because these actions will have various, subjective effects, on…you guessed it…various subjects.

And poignantly, in manifestation, it’s a lot like Felix’s fiverr-scandal in early 2017.

Yes, if you look at both of these situations emotionally, without deeper objective-analysis; they are both just insensitive, unnecessary, and hurtful faux pas that could’ve easily been avoided, by being more empathetic and heedful of overall feelings, decency, and political-moral-correctness. 

Yet, if the inquest is about whether or not these actions were done from an intention to harm or offend, or from an intention to inform or entertain; then, it’s no longer so simple to judge.

Philosophically, it can seem reasonable to declare, that such subject-matters should never be ‘entertainment,’ informative or not. And, this has long-since been an ethical-dilemma, for artists of all kinds. But, never before, have the rules for navigating this dilemma, been more complicated and unclear than they are now; and have been, ever, since our lives became inexorably-bound to the internet, and to the various forms of technology that, now-constantly, keep us attached. This is why, it becomes paramount, for all our well-beings’, to judge each situation, as calmly and rationally as possible. 

But, back to the individuals’ in question, and their remiss indiscretions. Remember, both of these incidents are related to highly-emotional situations, and cover topics where feelings run especially, and understandably, deep. 

And so, this naturally brings up part of the unwritten social contract, into which all well-known entertainers, of all mediums, enter. Their ultimate-success, is based on their fans; and the riskier the material they choose to feature, the more they are gambling with losing the favor of many of those fans.

However, this is where YouTube – and particularly, being a successful, 20-something YouTuber, coming into your emotional and neurological-maturity inside of the bubble that is YouTube – creates a unique, and incomparably-surreal, experience. 

This is especially true, in terms of inevitably-testing moral boundaries via their content; since, unlike other types of celebrities, YouTubers pretty much manage and represent their work, themselves. And, in many cases, they have very little image, or buffer zone, or entirely-fictional character, between them and their interactive audience. 

It is entirely up to them, with millions of viewers (and sometimes, the entire media-public) watching, to walk the tightrope of an incredibly-elusive balance. They have to continuously keep their fans, and YouTube, and the public happy; whilst in the process, also staying, both, financially-profitable, and personally true to themselves.

Whether they’re conscious of it or not; along with this career they’ve chosen, they’ve also accepted a constant struggle to reconcile all these competing factors, on a nonstop, daily basis.

Their lives, essentially, become YouTube. 

Everything becomes their content.

And to be inside of that uncanny-surreality; is to look at life, through a new cognitive-filter. 

So, it’s these psychosocial phenomena of artistically-detached-ethical-mystification and real-world-surreal-world-disconnect, that, in my opinion, explain exactly how and why Logan & his friends, did not preemptively, realistically-consider the probability of encountering a deceased person in Aokigahara.

As much, as why Felix didn’t completely, realistically-foresee that he was eventually going to cross the ‘too offensive to be socially-acceptable’ line, and that the consequences for doing-so, would be so undeniably-far-reaching.

And so, this is where I plead; not, for you to ever ignore your feelings, or to ever give these guys a pass when they screw up. 

But rather, merely, to try to understand them, hear them out, let them explain, and accept their sincere apologies when they offer them.

Remember, their worlds exist, always adjacent and attached to, the precarious mediums of YouTube, video, and the internet. And, because of this, they are eternally sharing with us, pieces of themselves.

Sharing with us, their best and worst moments.

And so, before we only exactingly-express our criticisms; I feel as though they also deserve these practical considerations. 

I also, truly believe, there’s a way to express your disagreement with their actions, without cruelly and hatefully trying to tear them down as people. 

For better or worse, they made these mistakes while trying to show people something that they’ve never seen before. And yes, their negligent actions do have consequences; but so too, are there consequences to the actions of those who maliciously-attack the non-malicious-actions of others. Just something to consider.

This is a good place to note: I know, it might sound like I’m just defensive-fangirling, but that’s not, quite, the case.

And I’ll totally admit, I do have some bias, in Felix’s case.

I have watched, the illustrious, ‘PewDiePie’ for years. 

Yes, because I find his...particular...humor, uniquely-engaging.

But, even more so; it’s because I find him cathartic. 

As weird as it is to admit; he’s like the male, Swedish version of who I used to be, personality-wise. To the point where, I often, literally, predict what he’s going to say or do, before he says or does it. Also, he looks just like an old friend of mine; and, I mean, they are nearly identical twins, down to the voice.

These are totally-subjective reasons for viewership, I know.

But, they lend to the fact, that the core of my appreciation of him, may be one of sympathetic-thoughtfulness; but, it is in no way, mindless-fan-worship. 

More than anything, my qualitative, if not abstract, comprehension of his identity, comes with the ingrained acknowledgement and acceptance of his semi-flawed morality. 

Just as I acknowledge and accept my own flawed-morality, past and present.

And, in truth, it’s that very-same ethical-imperfection, that allows him to create his ever-inimitable, and beloved, brand of comedy. Just as mine, allows me to try to honestly and empathetically analyze, both best and worst of occurrences. 

Experiencing his humor, has seriously taught me invaluable lessons; and it’s one of the most emphatic examples I have, in understanding how similar moral-identities can improve, hold-steady, or decline, dependent on the presence of differing, relative life experiences.

So, basically, I guess I think of Felix as a study-guide: called to YouTube by our mercurial and morbidly-hilarious universe, itself. I don’t always agree with what he says or does, but I'm constantly seeing the world in new ways, because of the distinctive perspective that he offers.

That being said, even though I understand and appreciate his humor-driven, moral-ambiguity; I do not deny the negative consequences that inevitably manifest, when anyone pushes that line too far. 

Which, as we all know, last year, he did.

But, again, this is why context is so important. Felix’s satirical-humor is indeed, often offensive; but, it has never, once, been from a hateful place. 

Disaffected, and cynical? Maybe.

Nihilistic, and reckless? Maybe.

But, hateful? No, never.

It might be true, that he doesn’t always take these issues seriously enough, given his young, vast, impressionable audience and the current human-rights-atmosphere of our planet; and, that does, honestly, bother me sometimes. But, I also can’t ignore, that though seriousness and compassion are not the defining trademarks of his channel; they are the definite cornerstones of his charity work.

In the bigger picture, I’m not sure if there’s any way to create honest comedy, without producing both positive and negative effects. Or, whether or not social-moral-consciousness should empathetically-supersede that comedy. But, I do know that, for every person, full-spectrum-conscientiousness grows at its own, individually-singular rate. And our complete-empathetic-capacities develop, as our relatively-occurring life experiences, catalyze their transformations.

Though he’s already grown so much, over the last few years; something humorless, and close to his heart, may further-change how Felix sees the world, one day. And that change, might in turn, further-affect his personality, his humor, and thusly, his YouTube content. But, if not or until then, his cleverly-jarring-comedy will continue to enlighten, for his viewers, the full scope of human nature. The good, the bad, and all the indescribable-weirdness, in between.

But, back to my main point...    

With Logan Paul, it’s a very different story. I’d heard of him plenty, but had never actually watched his channel before all of this; because honestly, besides Felix and a few others, I don’t stay current with YouTubers, the way I once did. Though, ironically, after this whole disaster, I actually have developed a certain kind of respect for Logan as a creator; and it’s one, that I wouldn’t have had, otherwise.

That sounds horrible; but just hear me all-the-way out, okay? Please?

His previous content that I’ve, now, just checked out, trying to get a read on him; has been mostly funny-but-frivolous, classic-youth humor and drama. 

I found his personality to be a trite-but-interesting-enough, pesky-but-charismatic blend of unique and basic; that typical, early-20s-mixture of being part authentic, and part who you think you’re supposed to be, for popularity’s sake. Overall, my impression was that he was probably a decent-enough guy, but definitely still had lots of work to do, towards cultivating his full-identity.

Also, low-key, it became clear, pretty quickly, that he hadn’t yet been tested with real adversity in life. And, in practice, whenever you combine that inexperience with an oblivious, just-go-with-the-flow attitude, eventually you’re in for a rude awakening.

But, that’s just me being a hindsight-oracle. 

And I’m sorry, because that rarely helps.

Anyway, my point was, that Logan was definitely not my usual viewing-material.

Too much trendy-mainstream-consumerism; not enough peculiar, thought-provoking, or meaningful substance.

Until this.

Like it or not, this is a significant – yes, albeit a profoundly-intimate – moment, that he’s captured.

Carelessly and invasively, he captured this moment: yes. 

But, like for any journalist, even an unintentional one, is that not what it takes to capture the most awe-striking, and heart-wrenching of real moments? The moments that change our understanding, and our shared-humanity?

I think, it was not his conscious-intention to witness real death, even in the so-named ‘suicide forest,’ and because of that oversight-in-judgement and logical-preparation; his reaction was one of shock, and not one of sense.

But, after consideration, I feel that when he momentarily-shared that video with the world, it was, surely, not only for the views. 

I think he posted it, because once the cameras were finally off, he felt the power of that experience and he knew that witnessing such reality, had changed him, and thus, that it could change others. Though, how it would change them, he most likely did not fully comprehend until after he’d posted it.

Now, either way, I’m NOT saying that I endorse the choice he, originally, made. 

Posting that full, graphic video was always going to be damaging to many people. And whether he truly realized how vast the scope of that damage would be, before the public-outrage made it so-decidedly clear; that’s something only he knows, for sure. Regardless, he quickly removed the video, and stated his sincerest regrets for any pain that he caused. And I actually found him to be melancholy and heartfelt. His past hubris, seemed considerably diminished.

Nonetheless, if I’m being totally honest, whether this is why he posted it originally, or not, I believe it still remains true: it is within these intensely important, scary, solemn, palpable, unforeseen experiences, and all the weird ways that we honestly, humanly react to them; that we learn some of the most memorable lessons.

No, we should never knowingly seek to exploit others’ pain in order to learn, or to teach; but, when we haphazardly-happen upon that pain, and become a part of it, I believe not learning from it, would be the even-greater wrongdoing.

In this case, that meant watching-unfold, the aftermath of one of the saddest-actualities of life; as well as, concurrently, watching-unfold the realest experience of Logan Paul’s life, thus far.

Yes, 22 means he’s a man, and not a boy. But, in reality, at 22 the prefrontal cortex is still developing. And the full processing-spectrums of judgement-capacity, reflection and discretion, and rational-awareness in regard to the accumulation of significant-life-experiences, are all still developing.

For fuck’s sake, he said he’s never even seen (not just never found, or been near, but never seen) a dead body. That means he’s never been to an open-casket funeral yet, in his 22 years of living. Imagine that life-experience bubble. Then imagine, on top of that, you’re a semi-wealthy, (white) American youth, who doesn’t really respect or understand the deeper side of life yet, because you’re still just in that ‘live fast, have fun, do you, chase your dream’ mentality.

Inside of this, you can tell that he did not thoroughly grasp what that forest meant, before going there. And if that ignorance offends you, you are more than allowed to feel that way. 

Intellectually, it seems obvious that knowing the stories, and encountering the weight of their truth, are two, very different perspectives. But, sometimes this cannot be fully-understood, until a real-life experience shows you. 

A fact, that will hopefully never be lost on Logan, his friends, or any of us, again.

And that’s one reason, anyway; why I think sometimes, awful mistakes, like this video, need to happen. 

Of all the paths, in all the forest, they wound up there. From a semi-average ‘YouTuber-on-location’ stunt; to a legitimate test of character, for all of us.

I think, that what they were expecting, was an abstract-legend. They thought they’d have a regular camping trip, scare each other with ghost stories, and then add in some PSA, as an afterthought. What they got was a life-altering experience in true reality; one that they hadn’t wholly absorbed yet, while they were filming what we saw.

This is where it also, must, be understood, that for some people who experience this (discovering a deceased person), especially for those who have lived safely-sheltered lives, or for those who are used to employing emotional-compartmentalization; when they are suddenly faced with real, unfiltered death it can take quite a while for it to really, viscerally hit them.

This perplexing state, is metaphorically-comparable to a dazing-fog of surreality.

And the length of the adjustment-period, back to aware-acceptance, is defined by many things; including, whether or not that experience, has an audience, taking precedence over it.

Yet, this is one, vital reason, why the public forum exists: so, that we can see that we all deal with these difficult situations differently, and to learn to accept and not judge or hate that.

Yes, we may, unavoidably, feel as though they did not handle the situation respectfully. And those are absolutely valid feelings. But, how the guilt will find them later, and the good they may do because of it; we cannot, yet, know.

Yes, for some, the emotional-reaction is instantaneous. They cry. They scream. They pray. They beg. They just shut down. 

But, also yes, that other times, they keep on filming and then post, simply because that’s what they’ve always done, and they are still in the process of understanding the gravity of all that’s just changed. 

Though they feel it later, they still feel it deeply and truly.

There are SO many reactions, I could never list them all. 

This is the nature of death. And, it affects us each, differently.

But, when we’re faced with the unthinkable, I feel, we can either look away from what’s painful, and never fully see it; or we can accept the discomfort that comes with looking right at it, and learning from it all we can, in order to save others.

Because I can guarantee you, someone saw the harsh-reality, in that video; and it was the sobering wake-up call they needed, to no longer romanticize, or glamorize, or trivialize the idea of suicide.

Someone saw them reacting slowly, and casually, and not handling it perfectly; and finally stopped beating themselves up, for reacting the same way in a different-but-similar scenario.

And yes, unfortunately, given his young fan-base, there were also, assuredly, some morbidly-curious kids who were faced with their first, visceral dose of life-and-death reality. Whether that was a maturing-lesson or a scarring-trauma; again, will be subjective to the child. 

I, myself, experienced a very similar test while still in elementary school. And, though I did, consequently, have a great-many complicated feelings to work through; overall, it taught me some very crucial truths, about seeking out adult knowledge as a child. Truths, which would later, prove to save my life.

All in all, there are many interpretations, perspectives, and outcomes.

Negative, and positive. 

Things work out in as many ways, as there are people and possible choices.

And we don’t all feel the same, about what heals us and hurts us, when dealing with tragedy.

Plenty of people, feel that no matter how shocking your choice of how you talk about it is, that the most important thing is to express yourself truthfully and genuinely. And, what he posted was definitely-not sensitive or tactful: but, it was bravely, brutally, and transparently honest.

My final point, more than anything, is this: I feel that, as negative as the whole situation is (and this applies to almost-all other such ‘celebrities’ and ‘scandals’), adding more negativity, almost seemingly-trying to push Logan to the brink of the very-despair we’re all supposedly-fighting; this helps, literally, no one.

It, especially, doesn’t help the memory of the person whose life was lost.

Instead, we should all be honoring that person by learning their story, respecting their memory through not further-using them for our own agendas, and also, by associating with them a peaceful-event, where we choose to look at the full-spectrum of life’s volatile-truths; in order to finally love each other and ourselves a little more, and to treat each other and ourselves a little better.

So, let’s all be better people, right now; by finding a way to express our negative emotions, without casting excessive and divisive shame and hatred. Because, fundamentally, in their use, they undermine the very-worthy cause, we’re supposed to be defending.

We’re supposed to be, being kinder to each other, and to ourselves.

Kindness > Blame

Forgiveness is a virtue, to all. Always. 

Especially, when it’s challenging. 

So, no matter how obscure or famous the person: find a way to be kind.

This is how the most lives are saved, in the grander scheme.

Note: Though this is an open letter; its intention is to provoke contemplative silences, not angry responses. I hope that I portrayed the fact that I respect everybody’s right to their opinion, whether they agree or disagree with the opinions I’ve stated here. And though, it is my true hope, that one day we can all talk these things out rationally, rather than emotionally-reacting with wrath; ultimately, that’s a choice every person has to make for themselves. So, if you agree with what I’ve said: thank you. If you disagree with what I’ve said: thank you. And if you’ve fully-understood all I’ve said: double thank you. Seriously, I’m obviously a very long-winded, over-analytical, micro-editing, weird-stream-of-consciousness kind of writer. I’m sure to most people, this will read as confusing and all over the place. But, hey, that’s just my manifestation of truth. Thanks, friends. Be well.  

[sportsetcterea]

The Mental and Physical Anguish of Sports Injury

(Image Source: https://www.nhregister.com/colleges/article/NCAA-Key-injuries-could-derail-South-Carolina-11312358.php)

On March 31st 2013, thousands tuned in to spend their Easter Sunday watching Louisville play Duke in the Elite 8 round of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Even before tip-off , basketball fans from all over knew this would be a particularly decisive game in determining the fate of the next NCAA championship team. Both teams had put up impressive seasons, and as Louisville and Duke were seeded 1 & 2, respectively, each side was expected to play like they had something to prove. What viewers didn’t know, however, is that they would witness one of the most gruesome injuries to air television in recent years, and be exposed to two replays from different camera angles with no little warning. As Louisville fought for their  4-point lead in the second quarter, the right-side tibia of star player, Kevin Ware, protruded through his shin to expose several inches of bone in the open air (warning: link is graphic). As Ware was carried away by medics, unsure of whether he would ever be able to compete again, he had a message for his teammates -- “I’m fine, just win the game,”.

I recall watching the game live from living room in Harvard, Massachusetts. I could barely process what had happened in front of my eyes in that split second, but as the first replay was shown, my stomach dropped and I felt repulsed. It was horrific to witness, and I could not even to begin to imagine the pain that Ware must have been going through. Sports psychology researchers say that athletes who witness traumatic injuries by competitors or teammates in their sport can experience intrusive cognitions and take part in avoidant coping mechanisms for months after the incident takes place. While the watching the injury may not have been as  impactful on audiences as it was on Ware’s teammates, it certainly stuck in my mind for months. I could not conceive of such an abrupt and traumatic life change. I was lucky to have experienced good health throughout my life and athletic career up to that point, and only three months later I would reach the peak of my efforts in high school rowing by winning a gold medal for my highschool team at the U19 national championships, and for team USA at a competition called CanAmMex. Before entering college rowing, I never seriously considered severe injury as a threat -- after all, rowing is often lauded as a low impact sport, and it is much easier to understand the risk of injury through visually evident instances in high impact and contact sports like basketball. But I soon learned, after rupturing several disks in my lower back as a sophomore in DI rowing, that injuries are not one-size fits all -- there are many levels of severity and different ways to do bodily damage in athletics. The consequences which follow injury may be similar among athletes in some ways, but the totality of the experience is unique to each individual and can even grant opportunities for personal growth and learning.

Ware’s injury may be a particularly public case of resilience in the face of severe injury, however, the mentality to push through physical pain to do whatever it takes to win is not uncommon among athletes. This mindset is well-intentioned and reflects passion and strong work ethic, however, it's not always a realistic or safe way of thinking. As much as we, as athletes, would like to think that we are physically capable of anything we put our minds to, the truth is that sometimes our bodies fail us. As Deborah Roche PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in sports psychology and injury rehab puts it -- "[An injury] is a realization of the fact that you’re not invincible, and that things can take us all out at different times… It does take a shot to the confidence, and when our abilities are taken away it’s really eye-opening."

Injuries, minor and career ending, are all too common in the world of sports. An average of 8.5 million sports related injuries occur annually, based on data from 2011 to 2014. While different sports may expose athletes to a variety of levels opportunity to become injured, there is potential for injury in any venture involving physical activity. Due to the physical nature of sports, having limited use of one's body can have detrimental effects not only on ability to play, but on an athletes sense of self and identity.

The hardships that athletes face are unique to their craft and intrinsically tied to the state of their bodies. Competing in sports at an elite level fosters a strong connection between body and identity. For those who spend much of their training and competing in sports, their bodies are core to how they understand themselves. By virtue of engaging in physical activity, athletes have potential for their bodies to be physically harmed. While we know physical harm to be a threat to all people, athlete or not, the repercussions of being injured are different among athletes. Injury is bound to be traumatizing for anyone, but for athletes, it can put their sense of self on the line.

Apart from the obvious detriment to the physical health of athletes, Injury can do significant damage to the psyche. Athletic injuries have been tied to a slew of mental health issues -- the most prominent being depression and anxiety. Sports psychology doctor Misia Gervis interviewed athletes from 75 clubs belonging to the Professional Footballers Association in England who had experienced long term injuries. When asked if they felt anxiety or isolation following their injury, 99% percent of the injured athletes reported that they experienced psychological disruption. Not every experience is the same, but with so much on the line for each athlete, mental anguish is nearly inevitable. The suffering caused by injury can be engulfing and can reach into every corner of athletes life. Picabo Street, an Olympic skier who suffered a harrowing blown out knee and broken leg from a skiing crash in Switzerland, describes her 20 month path to rehabilitation as one of the bleakest periods in her life. 'I went through a huge depression. I went all the way to rock bottom. I never thought that I ever would experience anything like that in my life.''

The mind and body work together --when we use the word feeling, we are often referring to our mental state, our physical state, or a combination of the two. Depression and anxiety go hand-in-hand with physical debilitation. In my experience, injury brought many thoughts, feelings, and considerations to the front of my mind, and all for different reasons. But perhaps the most difficult to deal with was the perceived sense of losing control. I just couldn’t sit with the fact that there was nothing I could do about my injury’s path, which would worsen if I maintained involvement in the sport I love. I wanted to train and compete with my friends as I had done all my life, but some days I was in so much pain that I couldn't even leave my bed. My own body had betrayed me and I felt powerless.

The sense of losing control over is not uncommon among injured athletes. Street’s injury left her with limited ability to walk, confined mostly to the bedroom at her parent’s house. She describes being physically debilitated as it defined the agency she felt had on her life at the time -- “[I felt] like a caged animal… I went from being a very physical person, a very powerful athlete, to barely having any strength to get from my room to the kitchen. You're stuck and you can't do what you normally do and it makes you crazy.''

In attempts to regain a sense of control, it is not uncommon for athletes to begin to alter their eating habits, and fall into disordered eating practice. Major League Soccer Chief Medical Officer, Margot Putukian, describes these desperate attempts from athletes to feel in control of their bodies. “Injured athletes who restrict their caloric intake because they feel since they are injured they ‘don't deserve’ to eat, with the restrictive eating then triggering disordered eating. In an athlete already at risk for disordered eating patterns and eating disorders, injury can increase the vulnerability to this problematic response,”. Not only are disordered eating patterns damaging to both metabolic and mental health, but they also inhibit the athlete’s ability to recover from their injury and regain strength. Anorexia and bulimia can lead to bone loss and osteoporosis, alongside countless other medical issues related to the cardiovascular, endocrine, neurological, and gastrointestinal systems. Allowing the body to recover from injury is not an easy task on its own, and causing additional damage to the body only makes matters worse.

Apart from the personal issues brought on by injury, being forced to take time apart from  the familiarity of the team environment can influence both the individual and their teammates. Team dynamics are crucial within the sports world. Being part of a team helps us better understand ourselves and our roles as leaders, contributors, and collaborators. Teammates work towards unity and assimilation on a daily basis, and a successful team acts as an unfragmented entity in which each person plays a valuable role.  When an athlete is injured and forced to leave or take time away from their team, it’s easy to feel isolated and detached from the sense of community that they are used to, and these feelings cohabitate with depression and anxiety. Likewise, injury can separate teammates from from a individual who is deeply important in their life. Kevin Ware’s teammate, guard Russ Smith, recounts witnessing the horrific injury, almost as if it were his own -- "When he landed, I heard it. And then I saw … and I immediately just -- just, like, fell. And I almost didn't feel anything. It was really hard for me to pull myself together, because I didn't ever think in a million years I would see something like that,”. Teammates are taught to think, work, and achieve together. This close proximity breeds a bond that seems unbreakable, and being separated can be devastating.

Even given all the heightened potential for mental anguish in athlete, they may be less likely to seek help for mental health related issues. Part of being a successful athlete is compartmentalizing emotion and ignoring pain in order to position one’s efforts in favor of winning. A study from the British Journal of Sports medicines examined the physiological responses by athletes to injuries and found them ill-equipped to confront their feelings of depression anxiety due, and underdeveloped in their capacity to use healthy coping behaviors. Margot Putukian explains this phenomenon in her study titled The Psychological Response to Injury in Student Athletes: a Narrative Review with a Focus on Mental Health -- “There are barriers to mental health treatment in athletes. They often consider seeking help as a sign of weakness, feeling that they should be able to ‘push through’ psychological obstacles as they do physical ones”. Athlete’s sidelined by injury are bound to be react mentally and emotionally, but without the proper resources to seek help, these feelings are more likely may materialize into mental disorders that will continue to intensify with neglect.

Given the emerging changes in their lives, injured athletes are faced with building and or strengthening aspects of their identity other than what they gain from their involvement in sports. Athletes become deeply entrenched in the world of athletics after spending years focused on their goals, and having to take time away from sports, or not being able to return, can be major life adjustment. But apart from the often painful adjustment and reconfiguration period of being injured, those taking time away from sports or ending their career altogether are offered a unique opportunity to learn about parts of themselves that they may not had the time or energy to explore beforehand. 

Former NFL Linebacker, David Vobora, played 3 season for the St. Louis Rams before retiring due to a shoulder injury. Vobora was prescribed pain medication after receiving treatment from doctors, and during his recovery period he continued to illegally purchase and abuse the drugs after his prescription had run out. After overcoming his addiction while simultaneously rehabilitating his injury, he shared that despite being suited to return to sports, his recovery allowed him to recognize that he wanted to pursue another passions in his life -- helping others. After retirement in 2014, he decided to open his own gym where he offers free training veteran, amputees and otherwise adaptive athletes. His gym has grown into a mission known as the Adaptive Training Foundation, and he continues to offer services to adaptive athletes, 100% free of charge through community donations. He describes his struggle in terms of the opportunity it has given him to follow a path of service to those in need -- "I was running from myself. Now I [have found] a power that is greater than myself."

Athletes put more than just their bodies on the line when they show up to practice every day. In many cases, the devastation of injury extends far past physical pain and into the athlete’s concept of self. Minimization of pain and compartmentalization are important values in the sports world that keep winners winning. It can be useful for athletes to feign invincibility, but the truth is that sometimes our bodies fail us. Injury can open up the floodgates to many feelings that athletes are under-equipped to deal with. Losing control over your body is challenging, but the inability to engage with your passion and community can be even worse. Often, the best that someone with an injury can do is look inward. As soon one can step aside from the label of “athlete” and see their self as individual with more than just one dimension, moving on from one passion can open up a whole new world of possibilities and things to love about life.

Works Cited

Day, M C, and N Schubert. “The Impact of Witnessing Athletic Injury: a Qualitative Examination of Vicarious Trauma in Artistic Gymnastics.” Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports., U.S. National Library of Medicine, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22439638.“Duke vs. Louisville - Game Summary - March 31, 2013.” ESPN, ESPN Internet Ventures, www.espn.com/mens-college-basketball/game?gameId=330900097.“Facing His Own Scars, David Vobora Finds Purpose in Adaptive Training Gym for Wounded Veterans.” Dallas News, 20 Apr. 2018, www.dallasnews.com/life/better-living/2018/04/20/facing-scars-former-nfl-linebacker-david-vobora-helps-wounded-veterans-find-inner-strength.“Health Consequences.” National Eating Disorders Association, 22 Feb. 2018, www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/health-consequences.Network, NFL. “David Vobora: Career Ending Injury Shaped My Passion for Helping Others | NFL 360 | NFL Network.” YouTube, YouTube, 8 Nov. 2016, www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJL3wo4MGfU.Petchesky, Barry. “Two Replays, No Warning: How Broadcasters Handle Gruesome Injuries.” Deadspin, Deadspin.com, 1 Apr. 2013, deadspin.com/two-replays-no-warning-how-broadcasters-handle-grueso-464825147.Putukian, Margot. “The Psychological Response to Injury in Student Athletes: a Narrative Review with a Focus on Mental Health.” British Journal of Sports Medicine, British Association of Sport and Excercise Medicine, 1 Feb. 2016, bjsm.bmj.com/content/50/3/145.Putukian, Margot. “The Psychological Response to Injury in Student Athletes: a Narrative Review with a Focus on Mental Health.” British Journal of Sports Medicine, British Association of Sport and Excercise Medicine, 1 Feb. 2016, bjsm.bmj.com/content/50/3/145.Relationships Among Injury and Disordered Eating, Menstrual Dysfunction, and Low Bone Mineral Density in High School Athletes:A Prospective Study. www.natajournals.org/doi/pdf/10.4085/1062-6050-45.3.243.Tarkan, Laurie. “Athletes' Injuries Go Beyond the Physical.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 26 Sept. 2000, www.nytimes.com/2000/09/26/health/athletes-injuries-go-beyond-the-physical.html.TheChickenFingerss. “Kevin Ware Injury - Louisville vs Duke 2013 Elite Eight.” YouTube, YouTube, 1 Apr. 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoiaUV7fGEI.

[zachwhitworth]

The New PSU Art Museum That No One Asked For

Whether Portland State University students like it or not, Neuberger Hall will be undergoing major renovation over the next couple years. The building’s completion is projected for August 2019, leaving its former academic occupants displaced until then. Some students were not aware of this renovation until only recently, even though the project was publicly announced in late Spring 2017. While students are still relatively in the dark regarding the renovation overall, the inclusion of a new art museum in this project has been a seriously overlooked and forgotten detail.

While announcements of Neuberger Hall’s renovation have kept the addition of an art museum in the project as a side note, it is not an addition that should be downplayed. Upon its completion, the museum will occupy 7,500 square feet between the building’s lower two floors, featuring entrances on both the South Park Blocks and SW Broadway. Admission will be free to students and the public.

The museum will be under the name of Jordan Schnitzer, the real-estate developer and art collector who donated $5 million toward the renovation. Schnitzer’s reputation in the regional art world is seemingly second to none, being that he is one of the largest art patrons in the Pacific Northwest and personally holds a collection of over 10,000 fine art prints. If you aren’t familiar with Jordan Schnitzer, you still may have seen the names of his parents, Harold and Arlene Schnitzer. Among the family’s long history of arts patronage, their names mark the Pacific Northwest College of Art’s main building, the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall downtown, and the Arlene Schnitzer Visual Arts Prize offered annually at PSU. Though hailing from a powerful family legacy, Jordan Schnitzer himself has played a significant role in the Northwest’s art culture, having donated or lent artwork to many key art institutions in the area.

If you’ve visited the University of Oregon campus in Eugene, you may also recognize Schnitzer’s name. The Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art is UO’s flagship art center, placed under the name following the museum’s expansion during the 1990s with Schnitzer’s donation.

PSU will not be the second university with a museum Jordan Schnitzer has his name on either. Washington State University in Pullman currently has its art museum under renovation, re-opening this April as yet another Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art. Both museum administrations in Eugene and Pullman have been discussing how they can differentiate from one another and navigate separate publicity.

As if that weren’t enough, Oregon Public Broadcasting reported in June 2017 that Schnitzer is “in talks for a fourth Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art in Corvallis, at Oregon State University”. This means Neuberger Hall will shelter the third of four JSMAs.

Jordan Schnitzer aside, it is difficult to speculate exactly what this new museum will mean for PSU and its students. The museum will be sharing floors with the student service offices on the first floor, also squeezing in with the classrooms and art studios on the second floor. It will be integrated with everyday campus life, not existing as just a solitary entity.

Is this a good thing? Many schools have art museums, so it may only be natural that PSU is trying to follow suit, but students certainly did not ask for one. Though only time will tell, university art museums too often are notorious for ignoring their students.

A university museum is as much an institution as an independent city museum, and its place within a school setting invites another level of bureaucracy. It is an institution inside an institution. This setup positions university museums to function both as their own separately-managed entities and as school-administered organizations.

One of the major necessities for any museum is money to operate, and the approach to funding varies from campus to campus. Some receive much of their money through their respective universities, but many more tend to be primarily reliant on grants and generous patronage. A museum can lose much of its funding if its university faces financial difficulties or has not budgeted properly, leaving them to look to outside communities. A museum would have to operate with grants that require targeting an audience consisting mostly of non-students, and fundraising efforts are directed similarly.

During the June 7, 2017 press conference addressing the Neuberger Hall renovation and JSMA inclusion, the museum’s budget was briefly mentioned. “Included in this gift is an amount to establish a funded endowed museum director position,” said Schnitzer. “We got the university to commit to a budget to operate the museum, so it will be funded and be able to operate”. However, no specifics of that budget were included.

Though the museum and director position were said to be initially paid for, there has been no mention of the long-term sustainability. Even if PSU has agreed to an operational budget, where will that money come from? PSU is showing they have already abandoned the JSMA through this unclear beginning, and as with any campus museum, abandonment by the university always leads to reliance on outside fundraising.

Art museums on college campuses are fundraising machines. Yes, they are spaces for art, but they are also honey to wealthy potential donors. While campus museums sometimes offer free admission, there are normally membership rates identical to city museums. The JSMA in Eugene has its membership ranging from $45 to upwards of $1000, and that’s pretty standard. There are even “patron circles” consisting of the most elite donors who give between $1500 and $5000. While campus museums tend to offer student membership rates that are heavily discounted, it’s the most basic membership. Outside patrons who are willing to pay through the nose are yielded an assortment of perks, of course including an invitation to VIP museum parties.

Because university art museums normally appeal to this crowd, they find themselves competing with city museums. Neuberger Hall is only a short walk from the Portland Art Museum, raising questions of the need for a museum at PSU and how the proximity of the two museums will affect one another. A trend at university museums is a desire for recognition from the larger art world, and it reflects in their programming. A museum could go to great lengths to feature work by majorly popular artists, much like University of Washington’s Henry Art Gallery did in 2016 when it held a massive (and controversial) Paul McCarthy sculpture exhibition.

The new JSMA may challenge PAM, and it will certainly create difficulties for existing art spaces at PSU as well. While the JSMA will essentially be replacing Neuberger Hall’s Autzen Gallery, there are still five other galleries on campus. The student-run Littman and White Galleries in Smith Memorial Student Union will have their decades-old roles as PSU’s core contemporary art galleries placed on the line, and the JSMA’s larger presence is poised to threaten their continued existence.

There is always potential for problems to manifest from university museums. Though this can appear as competitiveness with other art spaces, it’s not always obvious. A museum administration might waste money on over-the-top campaigns or artworks, compromise their budget to host bigger shows, or take advantage of student and non-student employees. The institution-within-an-institution setup does not often yield transparency, keeping internal conflicts and controversy behind closed doors. University museums are well-insulated and shielded by both their institutions and their own reputations as cultural centers. That unique positioning also makes them tough to openly criticize, leaving mistreated employees to risk art world alienation and their careers if they opt to call out an irresponsible or corrupt lead curator/director.

The non-transparent nature of these institutions-within-institutions is primed to spark rumors. The lack of details available regarding the new JSMA have left PSU students with no way to expect what exactly they’re getting when Neuberger Hall eventually re-opens. It has led to speculations based on what little information individual faculty have been able to offer when students ask about the situation.

One such speculation that has been in the air came about after the June 7, 2017 press conference. “[The JSMA] is going to provide, I understand, a recurring point of access to the extraordinary Jordan D. Schnitzer print collection,” said Pat Boas, Director of the School of Art + Design. The vague words were interpreted by some as suggesting Schnitzer’s extensive collection would be partially stored in Neuberger Hall, as storing and maintaining artwork is standard at other university museums.

Upon recent inquiry, the Jordan D. Schnitzer Family Foundation addressed this concern via email. “The Foundation has no operational connection to the museum and therefore will not be storing work from its private collections at the PSU museum,” stated Catherine Malone, the JSFF Collection Manager. “We look forward to collaborating with PSU staff in the future to bring exhibitions from the JSFF collections to the museum on a prearranged basis. Unfortunately we are unable to provide ‘access’ in a broader sense due to privacy, staffing, and insurance concerns.” This clarification did not answer all the remaining questions about the JSMA, but it is reassuring to have at least one speculation dispelled.

Will the museum be a positive or negative addition to PSU? It is hard to say for sure until Neuberger Hall reopens and the museum kicks off, but the minimal details available leave the whole project tasting bad. When it opens, students and faculty need to hold the museum accountable. Negative signs must be recognized and managed in order for it to actually be beneficial to the people paying to attend this institution.

To avoid the downfalls and messy business of other university museums, the JSMA has to steer clear of emulating them. Hosting VIP parties and exclusive events is a sign of catering to wealthy patrons, allowing those with money to sway the path of the museum’s programming away from student interests. Students need to be a priority, not big-name popular artists or sensationalized exhibitions. Student artwork must be given regular space like the Autzen Gallery formerly provided.

The entire PSU student body overall should never see a new museum fee when receiving tuition bills either. The total costs of attending PSU have increased too much to be adding on yet another expense. Since the university claims to have agreed on an operational budget, it should not require an additional charge to students.

To get it right, this new museum will have to value student-oriented programming above all else. School of Art + Design MFA students should be welcomed to display their work, and undergraduate seniors should at least have access to the museum for their thesis exhibitions. An Art + Design faculty biennial exhibition should be hosted by the JSMA as well, especially considering it is common practice at many other university art museums, and it is important for students to be exposed to their own instructors’ work in that type of formal environment.

These requirements have to supplement other shows and programming, of course. What isn’t student or faculty art should be largely experimental. The unique positioning of university museums within their respective institutions primes them for exhibiting material that is out-of-the-box and might be out-of-place at a standard art museum. These shows must facilitate conversation and make radical efforts to engage with non-art students. As a multi-use art center, the JSMA needs to adopt the mindset and operational values of the student-centered art galleries it aims to replace, or any serious care for contemporary art at PSU will fade away.

This new art museum will bring a big change to PSU when it is eventually unveiled. It is set to integrate itself into campus life, which will either be wholesome or detrimental. The fronting of the project by Jordan Schnitzer raises questions of who and what the museum will really be for, and PSU’s release of very few details sustains the uncertainty and skepticism surrounding it. Establishing a university museum may be an invaluable cultural and educational addition to PSU, but it also invites new levels of institutional politics. If the JSMA travels down the wrong path, the result will be a huge waste of money and space at student expense. It would be unwise to underestimate this museum.