#any and all asks like these will be automatically thrown in the P Y R E
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buildingabetterfuture · 24 days ago
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heckinhacker · 5 years ago
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Heya! Do you do NSFW with female champions?? If so can you make one with Irelia? Maybe the whole alphabet if it's not too much?
Irelia’s NSFW Alphabet!
A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)
Tired. She’s exhausted after everything what was happening to you both. She lays beside you and takes a glance at you, smiling softly. “I love  you”, she murmurs before closing her eyes, as she takes your hand into hers. 
B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)
Her own part - hands. She loves how can she do miracles with them for you. From gentle caress to magic in bed. They’re made for your pleasure, and she loves that. 
Your fav part of hers - eyes. She can look into them for years without a break, she wouldn’t get bored or tired of it. That little sparkle after little complement, something amazing.
C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)
Little fact - she loves you so much and is excited by anything you do to her that’s it’s not that hard to make her cum. She always apologises for that. You don’t mind. 
D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)
Ghosts of her past are haunting her, so all she wants is you to tell her she’d done a good thing. She wasn’t wrong. She needs love when you have sex, she needs appreciation. That’s not a dirty secret, but she doesn’t have any. 
E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)
Nope! No experience at all! She’s moving like she knows what she does, but her gracious moves come from her dancing lessons (she didn’t fuck over there of course! She just has her flexibility and stamina from that)
F= Favorite position
“Pretzel Dip”, it’s a position for generally aimed for not-same-gender pairs, but let me tell you it works for same gender partners too! Just the stimulation by itself. She’s the one who lays down. 
G= Goofy (how serious are they)
She’s generally really serious and it’s hard to see her smile anymore, so on these moments she only smiles when she’s appreciated, no joking around. 
H= Hair (grooming habits)
She’s clean everywhere, her vital regions have some hair, but they’re well taken care of! She always smirks and tells you “Yeah, my bush is under controll, no need to stare.~” 
You always answer “That’s not why I’m staring.” 
I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)
Romantic only. She can spice things up with faster movements but trust me, she just wants her and her lover to be passionate, no more dirt thrown at her name or her only. 
J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)
She does, but not too often. Sometimes you have that one session of mutual masturbation but depends on your both moods. 
K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)
Praise kink, if that’s something else - worship kink. Please treat her like a godness. 
L= Location (where they like to get it on)
Only private. She’d never agree on having sex when privacy is not for 100% guaranteed. 
M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)
You, it’s just you. Mostly you have to start “these” moments, but you have no hard time in starting. You just trace your hands on her belly and chest and she’s already shivering, poor thing. 
N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)
No dirtytalk, no rudeness,  no for treating her like a sextoy. If you like things dirty she’ll directly tell you that you need to find yourself a new partner. 
O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)
She’s more of a reciever than giver, but she’s adorable when getting oral from you. She’s mostly quiet, but your breath itching her sex, your tongue making wonderfull work to her, she can’t keep too quiet. Plus when she cums, her legs shake a lot and she squeezes your hair. 
P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)
Her pace is pretty slow and she doesn’t last too long, but don’t worry in overstimulating her, she’ll quite enjoy it. 
Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)
Nope, never. Avoid even asking. 
R= Risk (do they like to try new things)
It’s again a no, she hates new things because she just feels that new things will end up in being disgusting. 
S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)
Even though her stamina in general is good, she can’t keep up with you. She tries to do everything to last longer before first orgasm but she just can’t! 
T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)
She’s usually anti-toy girl, but when you really really ask her for it for a longer time, she’s agree on trying. Just trying. She’ll enjoy this one vibrator which is not inserted into her, just placed near her entrance, giving hard stimulations while you thrust into her. (depends on your gender - with fingers or dick, I can’t tell!) 
U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)
She never teases.
You teasing her makes her ultra embarrassed. Even though she says “Stop it!”, she never seemed to get too mad about it, just embarrassed. Don’t do it too often though.
V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)
She tries to be quiet, but soft moans always come out of her mouth. She’s the loudest when she cums. And she can talk with you no problem! Being too quiet would make her uncomfortable actually - she’d automatically think something is wrong with you or with her that made you upset.
W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)
She dominates the thing from time to time, and when she does she’s the sexiest thing on earth. Listen, she’s not a kink mistress, but when she controlls her movements over your sex she asks if she’s good for you, if you want to have more, etc. When you point out she’s teasing, she would only shook her head a “no” with a smile. 
X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)
I’ll be honest I think i’ll just delete ‘x-ray’ headcanons in alphabet since i hate this part. And here - I don’t know what to write really. ^^” 
Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)
It’s low, it’s low it’s low it’s low—
Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)
She does fall asleep pretty quickly! No questions here. 
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evil-overlord-scriptology · 4 years ago
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But I Don’t Want to be a Sensei! Pt 3 (ARCHIVED)
Chapters 11, 12, & 13
Chapter 11: Training, Yanagi-Style!
Demon of the Mist. Master of the silent killing technique.
 So why didn't he kill silently?
 Why did he make his presence known and draw me into a long battle instead of killing Tazuna before any of us could suspect something.
 Tazuna went off on the little brat, but Naruto ignored him by exclaiming that people were hiding around in the bushes all around us. I was about to hit him for being stupid when I felt a surge of chakra behind me.
 Naruto seemed to follow my instincts and aimed another kunai knife at the spot I felt the chakra surge. Tazuna smacked Naruto upside the head and the brat and drunk had yet another yelling match while I went to investigate. Just below the kunai that Naruto had thrown a white rabbit was having a heart attack.
 A white snow rabbit.
 Curse my cursed damn luck. The karma demons must really loath me.
 I stepped away from Naruto's sobbing apologies to casually inspect the clearing, searching for chakra signatures. I wasn't a very good sensory nin, most of it was just pure natural skill since I had spent most of my training on my sharingan and attacks, so I wouldn't be able to sense anyone who was suppressing their chakra at a jounin level.
 Considering that I couldn't sense anyone meant that my suspicions were right and our next attacker was a jounin skilled opponent.
 I hadn't been able to sense Zabuza until he wanted me to.
 So why did he want me to?
 And that kid with him, he was also able to suppress his chakra enough that I didn't sense him until he felt like it too.
 Why?
 Why didn't the false hunter-nin attack me? We both knew that he could easily take me out as weak as I was. Towards the end of the fight, I had been putting on a front. That hunter-nin knew that, I could feel it in his gaze. But he only retrieved Zabuza. Did he want us to be surprised when Zabuza came back to attack us? No. That false hunter-nin would know that I'd be able to figure it out. People like Zabuza and his allies wouldn't underestimate anyone.
 Zabuza was hired by Gatou, I know that. Which meant he was in it for money... or was he? Gatou would want Tazuna dead quickly, so Zabuza should have killed him quickly. Instead he went after me. That meant that Zabuza didn't care for money as much as it would seem. So why? What did Zabuza really want?
 Something to do with Gatou. He had money–Zabuza could be hired by anyone else for that. He could offer protection–Zabuza didn't need it, he was capable of protecting himself and he had an ally. Gatou practically ruled over the Land of Waves–I doubted Zabuza was interested in that. Gatou had a shipping company...
 “Obito-nii! You said you were going to teach me something cool! This is geography!” A younger me whined.
 My older brother laughed, “Just you wait, imoto, you'll see this is cool!” I gave my brother a skeptical look. Obito often lied to me for the heck of it. Nii-san, seeing my expression, reached over to ruffle my curly hair, “That's a promise!” He said cheerfully. I automatically smiled. Whenever Obito-nii said those words, that meant whatever he was saying was true!
 Turns out he was right. It was very interesting learning about rebels often hiding in secluded areas like small islands. Obito was going to teach me about smuggling too, but then Kakashi-baka-nii-san came and interrupted everything.
 Rebels. Smuggling. Zabuza.
 My mind recalled Zabuza's page in the Bingo Book. He attempted a coup d'état on Kiri because he disagreed with the government. It was rumored that he had joined the Mist Rebels, but it was never proven.
 Could working for Gatou be a cover up?
 ...
 “Frizzy-sensei, I know you're awake!”
 “Idiot, don't yell!”
 “Shut up, Teme! I know Frizzy-sensei is awake! She keeps twitching.”
 “N-Naruto, p-p-plea-please q-quiet down. S-sensei is try-trying to r-r-rest.”
 My eyes snapped open and I immediately glared at Naruto, “You call me that again and I'll kick your ass.” I growled threateningly. I tried to sit up and immediately groaned as my chakra system convulsed painfully causing my muscles to spasm and freeze up as well.
 A woman I didn't know was by my side in an instant, “You shouldn't move.” She said in a mothering tone. I eyed her, she looked a lot like Mikoto-oba except her face was a lot plainer than my aunt's. She even acted like Mikoto. “Until you're feeling better you should just lay down.” I gave in with a sigh and laid back down. If this woman was anything like Mikoto-oba, she wouldn't take no for an answer. It'd be in my best interest to just listen to her.
 “S-sensei, are you al-alright?” Hinata asked, coming to kneel beside my futon.
 “Hn.” I responded with the Uchiha general answer for everything.
 Naruto, of course, wasn't going to take that for an answer though, “What happened anyway, sensei? You were fine one minute and the next you were passing out! What gives?”
 Sasuke bopped Naruto upside the head, “Idiot, Yanagi-itoko used too much chakra.” I gave Sasuke a strange look, since when did he call me 'itoko'?!
 Tazuna spoke up from behind Hinata, “Well you did take down a powerful ninja, so I guess you've got an excuse.”
 “He's not dead.” I said, turning my gaze to the ceiling.
 I think everyone had a miniature heart attack.
 “W-what?! What do you mean he's not dead?” Tazuna practically screeched like a girl.
 I closed my eyes and struggled to sit up again. It tore at my pride that Hinata had to help me, but at least I wasn't laying down like some helpless invalid anymore, “Hunter-nins destroy the body where they make the kill. So why did that boy take Zabuza away?”
 Silence permeated the air as that information sunk in.
 Hinata gasped a little, “T-those needles he-he used...” She said under her breath. Everyone looked at the shy heiress and she blushed. “S-sorry!” She squeaked, ducking her head and twiddling her fingers.
 I reached out and pushed her hands down, “No, what were you saying?” I asked. Now wasn't the time for shyness. If Hinata had information, then she should share it.
 The girl nibbled at her lip in nervousness and, after a long silence, finally stuttered out, “W-where he h-h-h-hit... i-it was a pres-pressure p-p-poi-point... that c-ca-causes d-death if hit h-hard e-e-en-enough.” Of course Hinata would know. The Hyuuga fighting style specialized in pressure points, hitting them with chakra to cut off the chakra flow.
 Sasuke stiffened, “The senbon needles. They don't have a high casualty rate.” He said, mostly to himself.
 I nodded, “Exactly. Unless hitting a vital organ, senbon needles don't kill. My guess is that the hunter-nin used the pressure points on Zabuza's neck to create a temporary death. A hunter-nin is an expert in human anatomy, causing the heart to stop temporarily is child's play to them. Also, the fact that the hunter-nin we ran into took Zabuza's body away instead of taking care of him on the spot and using senbon needles for a weapon points to one fact: that boy was trying to save Peaches... not kill him.”
 Tazuna tried to reason with us, “Come on, you're over thinking things!” By the tone of his voice, I could tell that Tazuna really want us to be paranoid and not right.
 I gave the man a serious look, “An Uchiha does not over think things.” I said, a little more harshly than intended. Tazuna cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away. More calmly I recited a rule from the Shinobi Handbook, “The Shinobi Handbook states: 'Encountering suspicion, the ninja prepares quickly. Hesitation leads to disaster.'” I narrowed my eyes at Tazuna, daring him to comment again. I should thank Kakashi for being a ninja robot when I first met him; because of him I memorized the entire handbook by the time I was seven.
 Involuntarily, of course.
 I glanced at my genin to gauge their reaction. Naruto was grinning a little psychotic grin and Hinata looked extremely pale. Sasuke wasn't showing any emotion.
 Naruto stood up, his hand still clenched in a fist, “Alright! Let's prepare then!”
 Blinking, I looked at my dumbest student with surprise. Honestly I had expected him to start yelling about going and hunting Zabuza down, not training.
 Even more surprising was when Hinata gave Naruto a look that could have been called a glare... if she wasn't blushing, “B-but Naruto, Y-yanagi-sensei is hurt!” Hinata wasn't even stuttering as much, and she was talking to Naruto! Normally she couldn't say one word completely when talking to her crush.
 “Uh... Sensei?” I blinked and shook my head a little before focusing on a confused Naruto, “What's with the funny look?” The blonde asked, the dread in his voice apparent. Mildly I wondered if he though I was going to whip out another Uchiha-style training session like I did when they bothered me too much.
 I smiled kindly at them, “I'm just impressed by how much all of you have grown. Especially you Naruto.” Naruto squinted at me. I grinned wider until my eyes closed, “You've grown the most.”
 Should have known the praise would go straight to his head, “So you noticed, huh? Things are going to get even better, believe it!” Naruto exclaimed.
 “I don't believe it!” A childish voice, not so different from Naruto's actually, shouted behind the blonde. I looked past Naruto to the doorway where a small child in green overalls stood. He glared at us from under his hat with eyes so filled with hate and... loneliness.
 “Who are you!?” Naruto enunciated each word loudly, pointing an accusing finger at the kid.
 Tazuna spoke before the kid could, “Ah, Inari, where have you been?” My eyes went from Tazuna to Inari, so this was the kid that would cry and cry if we hadn't taken the mission to protect Tazuna after we found out how dangerous it was.
 He sure didn't seem the type.
 Inari, ignoring the rest of us, ran for his grandfather, his voice suddenly happy and eager, “Welcome back, Grandpa!”
 “Inari! That was very rude, these ninja helped your grandfather and brought him here safely.” The woman who I had yet been introduced to scolded. No doubt she was Inari's mother and Tazuna's daughter. Seemed to me that she wouldn't resent Konoha if Tazuna was killed.
 Grandpa Drunk was a dirty blackmailer.
 Tazuna waved off Inari's mother, “Ah, it's okay. I'm rude to them too.” He chuckled.
 I shot him a nasty glare, “Same to you, Grandpa Drunk.” I snapped. Tazuna tried to glare at me, but he didn't hold a candle to any Uchiha. Not even Ibo.
 Inari gave us all a blank look before turning to his mother, “Mom, don't you see, all these people are going to die! Gatou is going to kill them all!”
 Naruto had the right idea when he yelled, “What did you say brat?!” He gave a cocky grin, “Listen up, you know what a super ninja is? Well that's me, only I'm going to be better.” Contradictory much? “I'm going to be Hokage!” Oh dear kami, not this again, “This Gatou or Blatou or whatever he's called is no match for a real hero like me!”
 The brat scoffed, “There's no such thing as a real hero. You're just full of stupid ideas!” Inari snapped, looking very much like a miniature Uchiha in appalling fashion at that moment. Yeesh, talk about dramatic.
 There was a brief moment of silence before Naruto started for him, “WHAT'D YOU SAY?!” Sasuke luckily leapt up to grab the blonde idiot before he could murder Inari. I almost felt sorry for my cousin for having to be so close the that blaring mouth. No doubt Sasuke would be deaf by the time he was twenty.
 “If you wanna stay alive you should go back where you came from.” Inari said snobbishly then started walking away.
 Finally, finally, Tazuna scolded him, somewhat, “Inari, where are you going?”
 “To look at the ocean!” Inari snapped as he opened the doors and left, slamming the door behind him.
 I sighed, “That boy is going to have a bad attitude when he's a teenager...” I commented to no one.
 Tazuna looked at Naruto after a moment, “Sorry about that.” He said in a 'not so sorry' tone. I should know, I used it all the time.
 Inari's mother took over then and shooed everyone else out of my room, saying I was still supposed to be resting. I sighed when I was alone and wondered what everyone else was up to. Not that I cared, I was just bored. I nearly cried when I realized that if Obito found out about this he was going to murder me for getting hurt! Kakashi would be right behind him. And Shisui would never let me live it down.
 Still moaning about my morbid future, I closed my eyes to rest and plan ahead.
 vvv
 I flicked three small squares at my genin. Being ninjas, even miniature ones, all three snatched the paper out of the air without thinking. They looked at the chakra paper confused, then at me. I leaned against the tree I sat under, “That's chakra paper. When you channel your chakra into the paper it will react according to your chakra nature. For instance,” I held up a fourth slip of paper and channeled my chakra into it. The paper split in two. “That's the sign that I have FĆ«ton nature.” I waved my hand at Sasuke, “Go, Duckass.”
 My cousin gave me a small glare before concentrating on the bluish paper in his hand. As we watched the paper began to crinkle. Sasuke looked at me for explanation. I nodded once, “Seems you have a Lightning affinity. Being an Uchiha you also have Katon nature, correct?” Sasuke nodded silently. Of course he did. The Uchiha clan was born with fire affinity, no two ways about it. There was a reason why we were famous for it after all.
 Naruto went ahead and channeled his chakra into his paper without my say-so. The paper cut in two, “Cool! We have the same... uh... katra nature, Sensei!” He exclaimed.
 “Chakra” I stressed before mentally running through all my wind ninjutsus. I didn't have that many that were low level, and those that I did weren't really battle-oriented.  Anything I taught him would be useless in the inevitable battle against Zabuza. Maybe I should start him on a higher level ninjutsu. With his large chakra stores, Naruto shouldn't be in too much danger.
 But it was Naruto we were talking about.
 Shaking off my dilemma for now, I nodded to Hinata for her to go. She channeled her chakra into the slip of paper and watched as it turned damp with water.
 I tsked, “Well, I don't know any water ninjutsus. It goes against my fire chakra nature.” I said, feeling slightly sorry for Hinata especially with her pulling that disappointed look. She was the one who needed training the most and I couldn't help her at all. Not many people could, really. Unless... I snapped my fingers, startling my three genin, “I can teach you some stealth techniques for now, I noticed you're good at that. And I'll try to find you someone someone to teach you Suiton jutsus later.” Already my mind was going through a mental file of everyone I had seen using Suiton techniques.
 All three of my genin were giving me strange looks. I raised an eyebrow in question, but I already knew what was going on in their tiny little minds. “Why... why are you being so helpful?” Sasuke finally asked.
 I gave them a smirk, “What, you miss the surly sensei? Because I can easily go back into that.” Cue a quick head shake from all my precious genin. I rolled my eyes and explained, “We're going against a S-ranked criminal and his unknown ally. I was barely able to defeat Peach-boy last time-”
 Naruto interrupted me before I could continue, “But that's the point!” I was mildly surprised at his outburst, “If you were unable to beat Zabuza then what makes you think we can?!” Was Naruto... admitting that he wasn't strong? “You passed out last time after that battle, and that weird guy in the mask will also be there this time, so what makes you think we're ready for that kind of-”
 Being the awesome sensei that I am, I smacked him in the head with one of my crutches to shut him up.
 “Didn't I just say that you're getting stronger?” I asked hotly, irritated that my rare praise wasn't warming their sorry little hearts. First time I ever praised Naruto and he was whining about not being strong enough! “Look, I wouldn't have been able to do anything during that fight if you three hadn't done something.” I think the genin were a little shell shocked.
 Naruto, stupidly, tried to speak again. I grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down until we were inches apart. “Look here, Obito Mini-me, you're going to shut up and learn a jutsu because if you don't that little promise you made back when we fought those chunnin will go to waste!” Naruto clammed up after that. I let him go and struggled to a stand, “Good. Now, lets start training. Sasuke, heel.”
 My cousin's right eye twitched at being treated like a dog but came forward anyway. I stared at him intently, trying to figure out what jutsu I could teach him. I already knew he could to the Grand Fireball–it had been a big thing around the clan when Sasuke mastered the technique when he was seven, making him yet another prodigy.
 I swear the Uchiha clan spat out either prodigies or total losers.
 “Do you know the Phoenix Sage Technique?” I asked suddenly, looking down to the duckass haired boy for his answer.
 Sasuke added a slight frown to his otherwise emotionless face, “Aniki says that's a Katon technique.”
 “I know that. I have Katon and FĆ«ton chakra, I can't teach you any Lightning jutsus. Yes or no, did Itachi-san or anyone else teach you the Phoenix Sage?” I said testily. Damn this little brat and his need to question everything!
 Sasuke shook his head 'no'.
 I grinned sadistically. “Good. Now I get to apply Uchiha-style training on you.” I said then chuckled evilly. It might have been my imagination, but Sasuke seemed to turn three shades paler than his normal pasty self. But first, “Sit, while I deal with the others.” I commanded my cousin before pushing down on his shoulder, forcing him to sit.
 Naruto was over his gloom and doom attitude already, “Oh oh! Sensei, me next! Me next!” He yelled eagerly, waving his hand in the air like a child eagerly wanting to impress the teacher.
 Ignoring him, I turned to Hinata. “You're training is simple to explain. Go out deep into the woods and try to sneak back here. Try to suppress both your chakra and the noise you make. If you make it back here before the boys can hear you, then you pass. Got it?” Another nod. “Shoo then.” I said, waving my hand towards her. Hinata hesitated for only a moment before disappearing.
 As soon as Hinata was gone, my vision was filled with yellow and orange, “Yanagi-sensei! Teach me next! I want to learn a kickass jutsu!” I was kind of starting to miss the 'doom and gloom' Naruto...
 Picking up a leaf that laid at my feet I gave it to the blonde brat, “Here.”
 Naruto squinted at the leaf in confusion, “Huh?”
 I picked up another leaf and held it in my right palm, “To master any FĆ«ton jutsu, you need excellent control, even more than the control required for tree walking. Use your chakra to cut the the leaf; it'll be harder than cutting the chakra paper since you must consciously cut, not just channel chakra.” I focused my chakra to cut the leaf I was holding and did just as I told him, “Do that and I'll teach you the Wind Blade.” The Wind Blade was a B-rank jutsu. But since Naruto already knew the shadow clone jutsu, which was forbidden, I doubted he'd have too much trouble.
 “WHAAT?! You said you were going to teach me a cool jutsu!”
 “I will. After you learn to control your chakra better.”
 “I already know how to do that! Teach me the jutsu!”
 “Don't make demands, kid, or I'll do nothing. Shut up and train with your leaf.”
 Naruto pouted, predictably. He crossed his arms and turned his nose into the air like a child. Rolling my eyes I leaned over and pinched his nose between my index finger and thumb. Naruto screeched and tried to swat me off, but I didn't let go, “Look, if you don't learn this then you'll never get any of the wind jutsus I'm going to teach you.” A complete lie, but what's a little white lie if Naruto never found out about it? I let go of Naruto's nose and straightened up, “Unless you want to be defenseless when Zabuza comes back, I suggest you don't question my methods. Get to work.”
 Before Naruto could say another word, I grabbed Sasuke by his ridiculous Uchiha collar and bodily dragged him away, ignoring all his protests along the way. I only let go when we reached a clearing well enough away from Naruto and made Sasuke sit again.
 I sat down across from him, staring intently at my cousin. There was a long moment of silence as we stared at each other. Eventually Sasuke wilted under my gaze and shifted nervously. Finally he looked away.
 Quickly before he knew what was happening, I shunshined further away and made the appropriate hand signs, “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!” I intoned and several fireballs flew towards Sasuke.
 My cousin's eyes widened as the fireballs roared towards him. I watched in amusement as he dodged the first five before creating a Grand Fireball to cancel out the last of my jutsu. When the fire died away, Sasuke was glaring at me. I smirked and did the same hand signs, “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!”
 Repeat.
 By the time I did the third Phoenix Sage jutsu, Sasuke was pissed. He snatched a kunai from his weapons pouch and charged me. I laughed at his puny attempts to attack and backflipped away. “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!”
 “Katon: Grand Fireball Jutsu!”
 I shunshined behind Sasuke to avoid his fireball and recreated the hand signs, “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!” Sasuke turned around, his eyes wide and filled with horror as he saw the several mini fireballs flying towards him. There was no way he could avoid them in time. I watched passively as Sasuke managed to dodge the first and second fireball. The third skimmed his right forearm, making the brat cry out in agony. He leapt away from the others, getting out of the fire zone and crouching down to cradle his injured arm.
 “What the hell is wrong with you?!” He shouted at me. I was impressed that he wasn't crying from the burn. The Phoenix Sage Jutsu was hot enough that if the fire grazed you, it would result in a second degree burn. When Obito first taught me the jutsu I was bawling my eyes out when I got burned.
 Instead of answering his question, I started making the hand signs again. Sasuke, finally catching on, leapt away. I kept following him, spitting out fireballs, but every time I did Sasuke only leapt back again. He looked good and riled now. My mouth twitched upwards in a smirk, time to throw in insults.
 “You know for being a prodigy, you're a pretty lousy one.” I drawled casually. Sasuke straightened up from his crouched position, his brows drawn low over his nose. I nodded as if he had said something, “Even my brother, the famed 'dead last of the Uchiha', was chĆ«nin at eleven and had unlocked his sharingan at age thirteen. And let's not get into Shisui and Itachi.”
 “What's your point?” Sasuke snapped angrily.
 I sneered as I made the hand signs again, “My point is that you're going to have a hell of a time learning without that sharingan. Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!”
 vvv
 “Ouch!” Sasuke actually yelped later that night as I applied salve to his burns.
 I rolled my eyes, “Hush up, you big baby! I'm not even hurting you.” I swatted the brat over the head for good measure.
 Tazuna snorted, “Now you are.” He chuckled then made a squeaking noise in the back of his throat when Sasuke and I glared at him.
 Naruto seemed torn between laughing at Sasuke and being jealous that he got to learn a jutsu while Naruto only got to practice more chakra controlling exercises. By mid afternoon he had mastered the leaf exercise to I gave him another, when he master that one I gave him another and another. Sasuke seemed grateful every time Naruto showed up saying that he mastered the exercise, since it was a break from my torturous training methods.
 I tied a knot in the last bandage and pulled it tight, causing my cousin to wince. Sasuke glared at me as he rubbed his arm. I smirked, “If you tell Itachi-san, he'll only tell you to train more. You know he will.” I teased, reading exactly what was on my younger cousin's mind. Well Itachi would probably kill me too, but I'd leave that part out.
 No need to give Sasuke any funny ideas.
 Feeling an evil look staring at me I looked up to see Tsunami glaring at me hotly, “Yanagi-san, you overdid it today. If you keep this up you won't be able to protect us when that man comes back!” Tazuna's daughter snapped at me.
 I waved a flippant hand, “Eh, I'm a jounin, I've been dealt with chakra exhaustion before.” I said dismissively. Granted when the last time I had been on an A-rank with chakra exhaustion I had other jounin to back me up, not fresh genin. Not that I was telling any of them that.
 Tsunami just continued to glare at me.
 Giving in I stood up with a sigh, “Fine. I'm going to bed. Hinata, since you already mastered your training I'm putting you in charge of guarding Tazuna tomorrow. See you two boys in the morning.” I said deviously. Sasuke paled a fraction while Naruto cheered happily. With that I hobbled off for another night's rest.
 vvv
 “Uh... Sensei, what are we doing...?” Naruto asked. Sasuke was off in a little corner of the clearing, practicing the Phoenix Sage jutsu–he had finally memorized the hand signs I had used for the jutsu–while the Kyuubi brat and I sat in a meditative pose in the center of the clearing. It was mid-morning and so far had been peaceful except for Naruto's consent nagging.
 I opened an eye, “Right now? I'm enjoying the morning. Shut up and meditate.”
 “But-”
 “No.”
 “Sensei-”
 “Meditate.”
 “What does-”
 “Shut up.”
 “Hmph!” Naruto pouted, but at least he fell silent. I relaxed and let my mind drift over my musings on Zabuza and his ally again. I needed to figure out what they wanted before they attacked again. Maybe... maybe if they're intentions weren't as evil as I originally thought I could talk them out of their job and thus save bloodshed. Gatou, he would have to go. I didn't need the drug lord around and trying to control the Land of Waves. This whole mission was just a tangled mess. I had to worry about my genin and Tazuna. I had to figure out how to get rid of Gatou. I had to do something about Zabuza and his ally.
 Why didn't I have Itachi's insane ability to plan years in advance?!
 Bamf!
 I opened my eyes to see Naruto had fallen over, asleep. I sighed. This kid was a long way from being Hokage, that much was for sure.
 “Hey, idiot! Wake up or I won't teach you the Wind Blade!” I yelled in Naruto's ear. From his shriek of pain, I guessed that I probably burst his eardrum.
 ...Oops...
 vvv
 “Come on...” I groaned to myself as I dragged the unconscious Naruto back into the house. For a kid, he felt like he weighed a ton! I dumped him at the table and dusted my hands off.
 In the meantime, Tsunami was gaping at Naruto's crumbled state, then at me, “What happened?!” She asked shocked. After a moment the older woman's eyes narrowed as if she blamed me for Naruto's sorry state. Though, it kinda was my fault...
 I gave her a raised eyebrow, “He fell unconscious. He'll be fine tomorrow.” Normal kids took months months to recover from near chakra exhaustion; but Naruto was the Kyuubi container, a little chakra exhaustion wouldn't bother him too much.
 “What's the use? You're just going to die!” Three guess who the doomsayer was, and the first two didn't count.
 It turned out that Naruto wasn't as unconscious as I thought, he was just being extremely lazy, “What do you mean?! We're training very hard to protect you, and you just-”
 Inari cut him off, “It doesn't matter how hard you try, there's no such thing as a hero!” With that the little brat ran out of the room, slamming the door shut. Tsunami ran after her son, calling out his name. I looked at Tazuna, knowing that he had answers.
 Grandpa Drunk sighed and set his tea cup down. He nodded towards a torn picture hanging on the wall, one that showed his family there smiling. I squinted at the picture, along the edges that had been torn, I could barely make out part of a masculine torso behind Tsunami. There was a story behind this family's strange behavior, I could practically smell it.
 “He wasn't Inari's real father, he came into our family later...” Tazuna started. I sat back and laced my fingers behind my head, I knew I was in for a treat.
  Chapter 12: Bitter Taste of Reality
I nudged Naruto's side with the toe of my sandal. He didn't even twitch. Squatting down I poked the brat's cheek with a rigid finger, “Hey, dumbass...” I said loudly, knowing that a knucklehead like Naruto would react if I called him names. He still didn't move. “Obito Mini-me. Brat. Idiot. Dumb blonde. Dead last. Coward.” When the brat didn't react at all I stood back up with a sigh and turned to the others standing in the doorway.
 “Well either he's dead or out like a light post.” I told them, scratching the back of my head. Hinata gasped a little, her hands going to her mouth as she no doubt thought that her precious 'Naruto-kun' was dead.
 Tsunami looked as equally worried as the little Hyuuga heiress, “You don't think he overdid it in training, do you? He was looking pretty exhausted last night.
 “Hn. He was passed out in the forest yesterday morning.” Sasuke commented thoughtfully.
 I groaned and hung my head, I really didn't need this at the moment, “Fine, Sasuke will be on guard duty today and Hinata will train.” I said defeated. I hated it when people screwed up my schedule! “Hinata you know the rules. If anyone suspicious shows up, head for the bridge and warn everyone.”
 “H-Hai.”
 Sasuke frowned, “But that was the rotation yesterday.” I glared at him. Like I didn't know that already, idiot.
 “Hinata still needs to train in her stealth and since Naruto is stealing your rest day, you can take his spot on guard duty. Don't complain, Duckass, true shinobi don't protest orders.” Like I predicted, Sasuke snapped his jaw shut and didn't make another sound.
 Really, it was insulting how predictable that kid was.
 “Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll go with you that way you can relax at the bridge.” Everyone but Inari gave me strange looks. I returned their gaze with an unamused look, “Stop staring like calves at a new gate. I'm bored.” I snapped, perhaps just a little too defensively. By Sasuke's sudden smug look I was guessing he knew why I really was going.
 I was worried about the brat.
 With good reason though. There was no such thing as a jounin who didn't have a sixth sense for danger; and I felt more jittery than when Obito accidentally released those rabid squirrels in the house.
 I mentally shuddered at the memory.
 I moved past the miniature crowd and lead them outside. Turning to Tsunami I began issuing orders, “When Naruto wakes up, just tell him to practice his taijutsu; you also have permission to send him on any errands you have. Hinata, I want you to try and sneak up on as many woodland creatures as you can. If you catch five animals in a row then join Sasuke and I on the bridge. Duckass, Grandpa Dunk, let's go.” I turned on my heel and immediately started for the bridge without waiting for the two idiot males catch up to me.
 “Geez, for a woman you walk pretty fast.” Tazuna panted when he and my cousin finally caught up. It was really pathetic that we were almost to the bridge by that point.
 I gave the old drunk an unimpressed look, “Not all women are geishas or civilians who don't have anywhere important to be. The success of a mission could rely on fast feet, I could possibly save a life that would otherwise be lost if I arrive quicker than my enemies anticipate.”
 Tazuna pulled a face, “Hey kid, are all shinobi like this one or is it just her?” He asked Sasuke.
 Sasuke just shrugged and didn't comment. He practically had to jog to keep up with us adults; I couldn't tell if he wasn't answering because he didn't want to or because he was too focused on not falling behind. I was guessing it was a little bit of both.
 “Tazuna, how long do you have before the bridge is finished?” I asked the old man. Now wasn't the time for fun and games. That sense of dread I had been feeling all morning was getting worse the closer we got to the bridge.
 Grandpa Drunk shrugged, “Depends. If I have a full roster of workers, it should only be a few weeks. But with Gatou controlling everything and scaring the people, I keep losing my workers. Just yesterday I had one of my foremen quiet! I don't even have half of a roster now, it could take months with the amount of workers I got.”
 Grimacing, I halted at the entrance to the bridge, “That's what I feared.” I muttered.
 Tazuna gaped at his unconscious employees littering the bridge. I could tell by their chakra levels that the men were still alive, but only just. “What tha-?!” Tazuna exclaimed, his face twitching in horror. I glanced at him then at Sasuke. Sasuke looked back at me, his eyes gleaming with an odd shine of excitement. He was ready.
 A sudden mist blew in from the ocean. I snarled in frustration and stepped in front of Tazuna, “Stay behind me.” I said sharply. Tazuna didn't say anything, but he didn't move.
 That stupid creepy chuckle drifted out from the fog, “Sorry to keep you waiting, Uchiha. I see you still got that brat with you, but what happened with the other two? Did they run off?” I heard a slight clicking behind me, but didn't glance towards my cousin. I knew he wasn't doing something stupid. Of all my genin I trusted Sasuke the most in a fight, even if he had bouts of cowardice when I least expected it.
 Peaches chuckled again, “Oh look, he's shaking again. Pathetic.” The nuke-nin laughed mockingly.
 There was a small intake of air from Sasuke and I felt Zabuza's chakra spike as water clones surrounded the three of us. I tensed and palmed a kunai, ready to throw it at the clone's head that was in front of me if he so much as blinked in a way I didn't like.
 Sasuke scoffed, “I'm trembling with... excitement.”
 The Zabuza water clones seemed surprised at the admission and I only rolled my eyes. Why couldn't the need for dramatics skip Sasuke? It skipped Itachi and me, why not one more generation?! I had enough drama from Naruto, I didn't need Sasuke filling in for that little brat too.
 Speaking of brats...
 I glanced at my cousin out of the corner of my eye, “Play nice.” I said teasingly. That was all the permission Sasuke needed. He twirled the kunai in his hand around a finger so that the blade was pointing at the clone in front of him. With a delightful smirk that reminded me a little too much of Obito's sadistic grin, my baby cousin pounced at the water clones.
 While Peach-boy's clones were busy trying to defeat an Uchiha brat, I ran through the signs for a summoning and slammed my hand to the bridge's surface, “Kuchiyose no Jutsu!” I heard Zabuza growl angrily as a swarm of normal sized hawks flew up from the seal, spiraling into a twister of feathers and harsh cries that surrounded me like a moving wall. I held up my right arm and one of the hawks detached itself from it's flock. “Fly to Hyuuga Hinata and inform her to come as back up.” The hawk dipped its head at my command and took off to the sky, flying out of sight before turning in the direction of Hinata. No need to tell our enemies where an ally was after all. The rest of the hawks dispersed among the cables of the bridge, their sharp yellow eyes watching.
 While I was busy with my summonings, Sasuke finished up his little spar with the water clones. He looked about as cocky as a true Uchiha when he returned to his spot beside me. I mentally whimpered and hoped that I didn't get an arrogant little brat who thought he was God's gift to man. If so, I was going to beat that out of him and suffer Itachi's wrath with a smile on my face.
 “Ooooo, the brat's improving.” Peach-boy said from my right. All three of us turned to see the man with horrible fashion sense giving us a leer. At least I thought it was a leer, it was kind of hard to tell when the lower half of his face was bandaged up. His ally stood beside him, still wearing that false hunter-nin mask. “Looks like you've got competition... Haku.” Zabuza continued.
 “So it seems.” The boy, Haku, murmured quietly.
 Trolling time.
 “Oi oi. Peachy's ally, or whatever the hell your name is, are you a boy or a girl? Because honestly, you're a very androgynous individual.” I asked, intentionally playing the ignorant idiot. Tazuna and Sasuke were giving me looks that could only be described as 'way to ruin the suspense, dummy'.
 Haku and Zabuza exchanged looks and I took my chance to continue, “You know what? It doesn't matter anyway, I think I'll just call you Zabuza's Bitch.” I said with a smirk. Both nuke-nins snapped their heads around to glare at me–well I assume Haku glared, it was hard to tell with the mask–while I cackled in delight of pissing my enemy off.
 “Take care of the brat. I'll take the bitch.” Zabuza growled.
 Haku turned his gaze on Sasuke, “Right.” The kid murmured again. Then he moved. Startled I opened my mouth to shout a warning to Sasuke, but Zabuza was on me before I could utter a single syllable.
 I back flipped away from Tazuna, distancing myself from the client and the man trying to kill him. At the moment Zabuza seemed pretty focused on me, so I didn't have to worry. I smirked as I kicked Kubikiribƍchƍ away from me. “Don't tell me I struck a nerve.” I cooed as I deflected another swing with my kunai. Zabuza snarled like an angry animal and charged at me again. I snorted and ducked under his swing. If I had know pissing Peaches off would make him attack like a predictable wild animal, I would have done it a long time ago.
 Kicking off the ground, I gave myself enough time to spare a glance at Sasuke. My eyes widened as I saw Haku performing hand signs with only one hand. That wasn't something you saw everyday. I wonder if the sharingan could somehow pick it up.
 Before I could activate my sharingan to see if I could, Zabuza attacked again, “You're opponent is me! Let's leave the kids to their game.”
 I shot Zabuza a nasty glare, “Oh, go drown in your own water ninjutsu! I didn't come all this way with a bunch of brats and a drunk old man to hear you blowing steam, ya old windbag.” I snapped, getting irritated. I knew Zabuza wasn't taking this fight seriously. He was just trying to keep me from Sasuke and Haku's fight.
 Peachy paused, “A bunch of brats, eh?” He quoted, sounding oddly interested. “So you don't think that those genin are worth anything either.”
 “Oh I think they're worth a lot of things, I just like calling them brats. They're my brats and I'm the only one allowed to call them that and get away with it.” I snapped back and flung my kunai at Peachy-boy's head to emphasize my point. He easily ducked under the kunai and charged at me, his sword back and ready for a strong strike to my legs. I leaped into the air over his blade and put my hands down on Zabuza's back, flipping over him to land between him and the kids.
 I smirked, “Ya know, some people would think you were compensating for something with that big blade of yours.” I commented sweetly.
 “You're letting that big mouth get away again, Uchiha.” Peachy growled.
 I shrugged, “Well at least I'm not trying to prank you as well as fight you like my brother does. That's just annoying.” I said coolly. From the look in Zabuza's eyes, he thought my inappropriate remarks were a hell of a lot more annoying.
 “Argh!” Both of us whipped around to see Sasuke kicking Haku away.
 Sasuke stood in his spot, smirking, “Seems you're not as fast as you think you are.” He said, idly spinning his kunai around his index finger. Cocky little git, I was definitely beating that arrogance out of his system.
 Zabuza glared at his ally, “Haku. Stop messing around and letting a brat beat you, get on with it!” He ordered.
 The masked boy stood back up easily, “Yes.” He responded in an almost robotic voice.
 Frowning I turned my back on Zabuza to watch what the masked brat was doing. Icy blue strands of chakra haloed Haku and he bowed his head, “I'm sorry it's come to this.” The boy said softly and made a strange sign. The temperature dropped drastically and I uttered a curse under my breath as I automatically regulated my chakra to keep myself warm. Of course our newest enemy would have some kind of tie to cold weather. It wouldn't be hell if he didn't.
 Stupid karma demons and their stupid agenda against me.
 The water around Sasuke and Haku suddenly leaped up into the air to form flat frozen surfaces. Haku stepped into the mirrors, senbon needles in his hands. Meanwhile I gaped in surprise, it was not cold enough to form ice like that. Even the most powerful shinobi with water nature had a hard time creating ice even in temperatures where it was easy to form. That only meant one thing.
 Kekke Genkai.
 Peaches chuckled behind me, “Seems you figured it out.”
 Growling I ran for the ice mirrors, but Peach-boy flash stepped in front of me. “If you're going to fight, you will fight me.” He snapped.
 I glared at him. “Bastard.” I spat out.
 The peachy nuke-nin chuckled creepily, “Oh? Out of your witty comments? I'm crushed.” I could practically taste the sarcasm in the air.
 “You have three seconds to step aside before I really crush you.”
 “How cute. You think you can defeat me. You weren't able to before, what makes you think you can now that we're surrounded by even more water than before?” My eyes widened a fraction and I flung my kunai at the water clone that I thought was Zabuza and leaping away before the real Zabuza could cut me down. He didn't look all that happy when he turned to face me. He scoffed when he saw my sharingan, “That again? Are all the Uchiha so weak that they rely on that silly Kekke Genkai of theirs? How pathetic.”
 Sasuke yelped and I looked over Peaches shoulder to see Haku raining senbon down on my cousin like a vengeful thunderstorm. Anger washed over me, hot and heady, when I landed my gaze back on Zabuza. “Two seconds to move.”
 Peaches sneered.
 “One.”
 He didn't move.
 I held my right arm above my head and brought my left to my mouth. Curling my index and thumb around my tongue I whistled loudly, using a small wind ninjutsu to amplify the sound. My hawk summons, having been sitting on the sidelines forgotten, all took flight. They flew in circles like a roiling thundercloud of brown and black, using my upraised arm as the pivot point.
 “Last chance to move.” I said. Zabuza stubbornly stayed where he was. My mouth twisted in an ugly grimace and I lowered my right arm to point at the Mist nuke-nin. The hawks gave one last turn before following my finger and shooting straight towards Peach-boy.
 He smirked.
 My eyes widened.
 “Hha!” I felt water douse my back and I spun around to see Hinata standing in a puddle of water, formerly a water clone, panting slightly. She gave me a shaky grin, “I-I'm sorry Y-Yanagi-sensei. I c-came as fast as I c-c-c-could.” She stuttered slightly, a blush forming on her cheeks. I didn't blame her, Hinata had suddenly become the center of attention after pulling a stunt like that. Even Haku stopped torturing my poor cousin to stare at her.
 I grinned, “Hey, I'm not complaining. You just saved me from being skewered like a roast pig.” I joked before turning serious, “Guard Tazuna, don't leave his side for any reason.” I ordered. Hinata gave a firm nod and leaped sideways until she was in front of Tazuna, in a Gentle Fist stance. When I turned to face Zabuza again, he did not look amused.
 “Oh... did she ruin your little scheme?” I asked innocently, pressing an index finger to the corner of my mouth like a slut trying to act cute.
 That did it, I could practically hear Peachy's patience snap. He snarled and charged at me, “Shut up!”
 I laughed as I jumped away from him, “Looks like you underestimated my brats, Peach-boy. Sasuke and Hinata are clan kids and having been training with their families since they could hold a kunai right.” I ducked under Peachy's swing and shot my left leg out for a round house kick. Zabuza launched into the air to avoid my leg and I pulled back before he could land on it. “Sasuke is the best in his class and no one can defeat Hinata in taijutsu. She's a Hyuuga after all, it's in her blood.” I taunted as I back flipped away from the Kubikiribƍchƍ.
 Skidding to a halt a few feet away from Peaches I smirked, “And what have you got? A coward with a nice Kekke Genkai. Well, I've got two brats with Kekke Genkai and neither of them are cowards!”
 Zabuza's face twisted unpleasantly, “Haku, stop goofing around and kill that pest!” He barked out, his gaze darting over his shoulder to where the ice mirrors stood. Haku didn't respond, but only started throwing more senbons at Sasuke at a more rapid pace than before; I tried not to flinch when I heard Sasuke cry out. Peachy looked back at me, his gaze deadlier than before, “That big mouth of yours is going to get your brats killed, Uchiha.”
 I only smiled, “I'm confident they can handle one little brat, even one as powerful as yours. Besides, you forgot something.” Peach-boy stiffened as it dawned on him that Naruto had yet to appear. My smile twisted into a sneer, “You know, I think my last student deserves to be called the 'Stupidly Brave Shinobi of Konoha' more than I do. After all, not many genin are brave enough to fight someone like you, Peach-boy, let alone get the better of you.”
 As if planned there was a puff of smoke to the right of Haku's mirrors. Naruto's voice drifted from the white billowing vapors, “I resent that, Frizzy-sensei! Call me the 'Fearless Shinobi of Konoha'! That's right, Uzumaki Naruto is here!” My eye only twitched a little at the nickname. I'd let it slide this one time.
 Peach-boy blinked slowly at Naruto then looked at me, “You think some brat like him can do anything?”
 I shrugged, “Why not? It was a dead-last like Naruto who helped turn the last shinobi war back in Konoha's favor.” I responded coolly. I should know, Obito was the idiot I was talking about. “I feel Naruto can do the same with this little spat we have. Dead-last shinobi have a tendency to surprise people.” Naruto took a second to gawk at me, not use to my free praise. All I could say was he had better back up my claims or I was going to murder the little sucker.
 Naruto got a really big grin on his face, “You know how the hero always shows up at the last minute and kicks butt? Well that's what I'm going to do, right now! So don't you worry sensei, you can just sit back and watch me beat these guys!”
 I facepalmed.
 The blonde idiot ignored me, “Alright, you're history!” He formed a sign, “Shadow Clone Jutsu!” But before Naruto could form a single clone, Zabuza twisted around and threw a handful of shuriken at him. Like with the Demon Brothers, Naruto's first reaction was the freeze in fear.
 “Move Naruto!” I yelled, my heart in my throat as I watched the throwing stars head for my frozen student. I wouldn't be able to get there in time to stop them, not even my hawks surrounding the bridge would be able to grab the shuriken in time.
 Out of no where, senbon needles collided with the shuriken and knocked them off course. I jerked in surprise and twisted to stare at Haku half leaning out of his mirrors, still in the position of someone who had just thrown something. Zabuza narrowed his eyes at his ally.
 Now that he was out of danger, I felt it safe to yell at Naruto, “You imbecile! This is a real battle not a stupid spar; a shinobi's lifestyle is deception, not a damn talent show! Always keep your enemy guessing, be unpredictable so they can't figure out how to defeat you. So get your head outta your ass and think before someone makes a dartboard out of you!”
 Naruto turned about as red as Hinata did when Naruto got within ten feet of her. He started yelling apologies, but I ignored him to glance at Haku. Everyone else seemed to think that Haku had thrown senbon at Naruto at the same time Zabuza did and their attacks ended up colliding; but I knew better. One look at my cousin-turned-porcupine told me that Haku did not miss his targets. Which could only mean... he meant to throw those shuriken off track.
 The question was why.
 Peach-boy seemed to be thinking the same thing I was, “Haku, what are you doing?” Peachy demanded. His tone was dangerous and angry, he was pissed at Haku for disturbing his attack. In Zabuza's state of mind at the moment, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he attacked his own ally out of anger.
 One could only hope.
 Haku straightened out of his position and dipped his head towards Peaches, “Zabuza-sama, let me fight this boy in my own way... please.” The brat rasped. Mildly I wondered if all Kiri nins had that smoker rasp, or if it was just these two idiots.
 Naruto glared at the masked boy, “Bring. It. On.” He challenged before I could tell him to not be stupid. I suppressed the urge to hang my head in defeat at the stupidity of the blonde brat and wondered if he knew how powerful Haku was. Sasuke was hardly a match for the nuke-nin, what chance did Naruto have against him?!
 Zabuza chuckled, “As usual you're too soft, Haku. Fine, if that is what you wish.” Soft? What part of that masked brat was...
 I glanced at Sasuke. He was injured but not too bad, nothing that would cause any lasting damage. So either Haku was very sadistic and liked to play with his enemies; or he was soft as Zabuza said and wasn't trying to hurt Sasuke, just stall him. Still, knowing Naruto, he'd piss Haku off enough that the nuke-nin would tear him to shreds. I started to take a step forward to intervene before things got worse, but Peaches blocked my path.
 “Don't even think about it.” Oddly enough, Peachy sounded amused. “You know what will happen if you take on Haku. I'll go after the bridge builder and that little girl.” I stiffened and looked to the left where Tazuna and Hinata stood. There was no way that I would be able to end Haku and protect those two at the same time. Against a long sword like the Kubikiribƍchƍ, Hinata's taijutsu was useless; and without me guiding my hawk summons they couldn't do shit but sit there and look pretty. I supposed I could summon a larger hawk to deal with Zabuza while I took out Haku, but that would cut down on my chakra and possibly put me in a dangerous position.
 Damn.
 Zabuza seemed to know I was in a bind, he smirked underneath those bandages, “Relax, Uchiha. Lets see how our students do... one on one.” I gave him an Uchiha Glare, but he wasn't even paying attention to me. I didn't dare attack, he might not be looking at me, but I know the Peach Bastard was still prepared to fight me. Only an idiot would think otherwise.
 Apparently Sasuke was an idiot.
 While Haku was talking to Naruto, a kunai came flying out of the ice prison that held Sasuke. Haku easily dodged the knife and looked at my cousin, “Don't think I forgot about you, not for an instant.” The masked nuke-nin tilted his head a little, “Some warriors accept defeat gracefully, they know when they are beaten...” Oh great, know I was going to have two idiots who couldn't think straight, “Others do not. So be it, let us finish our battle then.”
 I couldn't help but groan quietly as Haku reentered his mirrors. Zabuza actually snorted and gave me an amused look as if we weren't enemies fighting to the death but two people just watching our students spar. I shot him a brief glare and looked away. I refused to think Peaches was anyone else but my enemy.
 It was torture having to watch my cousin practically being torn to shreds by multiple attacks coming from all the mirrors. With my sharingan I could pick up the real Haku and how he jumped from mirror to mirror to keep the element of surprise. The little pest was fast, even with my sharingan I could just barely pick up his movements as he flashed between the mirrors. But I still didn't know how the mirrors worked.
 “Sasuke, Naruto think! You have to attack the mirrors from the inside and outside at the same time to figure out how they work!” I yelled. Naruto's face brightened with an idea and there was a poof and...
 He was gone.
 It was only when Sasuke started yelling did I realize where he went. My eye twitched and I glanced at Zabuza. The nuke-nin looked like he was on the verge of laughing, I was almost tempted to tell him that I was disowning Naruto as my student after a stunt like that.
 “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!” Sasuke yelled out and there was a brief glow of orange that surrounded the multiple mirrors at various angles, but none of them melted.
 I could hear the amusement in Haku's voice when he said, “You'll need more firepower than that to melt this ice.” I stiffened slightly. More firepower? I could easily do that, but...
 Peaches smirked at me, easily reading my mind, “If you melt the mirrors you'll incinerate your students. Doesn't that defeat the purpose?” He asked. I shot him a nasty look and mildly wondered why he hadn't attacked yet. Peach-boy didn't have a problem earlier, was he just stalling then to get to this point and showcase his student? He had been hired to take out my client, not show off his student's prowess.
 Once again my suspicions of his involvement with the Mist Rebels surfaced. I eyed the man, trying to figure out his game. I doubted that he was ever fighting me seriously. All he had done was send water clones and swing that big ass sword around. Zabuza had been part of the Seven Swordsmen of Kirigakure, he had gotten the position by being a master of kenjutsu. So far Zabuza had been attacking as if the Kubikiribƍchƍ was just a piece of metal to be swung around and not a great sword.
 Of course it was always possible that he was downplaying his abilities to keep the element of surprise; I had been doing the same by only dodging Zabuza's sword and tossing kunai around when I got the opening. But it just didn't fit Peachy's personality to use deception when he had the opportunity to strike. I glanced at the ice prison as Haku bounded from mirror to mirror, raining senbon down on Sasuke and Naruto. Haku was the same. I knew that that jutsu was meant to trap and destroy an opponent. The positioning of the mirrors and the pure speed of Haku proved that point easily enough. So why weren't my students dead yet? From what I had gathered on Haku, I knew he wasn't the sick twisted kind of shinobi that enjoyed toying with their victims. Not even Zabuza was that way. Zabuza's way of killing was quick, painless, and silent; leaving any survivors baffled and frightened of the Demon of the Mist.
 Naruto's yelling stopped my musing, “I won't quit! Not ever, I'm going to survive and become Hokage because that is my dream!” I didn't know if I should be proud that he still wasn't giving up even after that downpour of needles or still embarrassed that he had gotten himself into that mess.
 What Haku responded with surprised me, “I didn't want to be a shinobi, it's painful. I don't want to kill you, but if you come closer I will have no choice.” What? “I will kill the kindness in my own heart and fully embrace the shinobi way. This bridge will the battlefield where our dreams collide. I will fight for my dream, just as you fight for yours. Please do not blame me, I fight for someone who is precious to me. I live for him and I will face death for him so that his dream will become reality. That is my dream, and for the sake of that dream, if I must I will act as a shinobi and take your lives!”
 I bowed my head and glanced at the silent Zabuza. It was obvious that Haku was referring to Peach-boy, but why? What did Zabuza do that made the kid so loyal to him? And furthermore, just what was Zabuza's dream? The more I listened to Haku, the more reluctant I was to kill the kid, but if he got in the way of my mission then I would cut him and Zabuza down.
 Peaches shot me a haughty glance, “Tell me Uchiha, does that wimpy village of yours still avoid the most important rule of being a shinobi?” He asked as if he were genuinely curious.
 I only started at him in silence. It was a loaded question, so I saw no need in wasting my breath with an answer that was already obvious.
 Peach-boy cackled like a madman, “I wonder what your precious little Hokage will say when you come back with two bodies instead of three live genin... if you survive that is.” I heard Tazuna inhale sharply as it dawned on him just how outnumbered the genin truly were. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see how Hinata was holding up to the news of her possible death.
 Not too well.
 Zabuza followed my gaze, “She's going to faint.” He observed in a tone that could only be amusement. He looked back at me, “How is it that you ended up with three incompetent brats? You're supposed to be an A-class kunoichi, and yet here you are... babysitting.”
 “Hn.” I grunted. That insult was so pathetic I knew I would lose brain cells just by answering it. One would think that the Bloody Mist would pencil in a trash talk class right after their academy students learned how to gut a helpless victim. At least so they wouldn't kill their opponents from the lame insults flying around.
 Unless... that was their stupid plan all along.
 The damn man didn't shut up though, “Falling back on the Uchiha customary response? How unlike you.” Great now he was adding sarcasm to the list. My eye twitched and I came close to planting my fist in his stupid, bandaged face if only to shut him up; but I somehow refrained... for now. “It must goad you that your precious Hokage would dump a bunch of brats on you. It's such a waste of your skills, chasing after three brats like you're their nanny while shinobi weaker than you take over your missions.” Peachy continued on, not even bothering to see if he was really insulting me or not.
 Finally I got fed up, “Your insults are pathetic. Even my pacifist cousin can talk trash better than you.” I deadpanned. Peachy didn't even have the decency to look offended. He only smirked at me from underneath his bandages.
 I reached into my weapons pouch and brought out a fan. Snapping it open I began lightly fanning myself like a geisha would. I even fluttered my eyelashes at Peaches, “Let's get this over with, ne? I want to leave by dusk.” I simpered like a primping airhead and reactivated my sharingan, having had deactivated it once I realized I would never figure out Haku's jutsu with my eyes.
 Zabuza jerked his gaze away from my sharingan and he reached back into his own kunai pouch. As he charged at me, I made a sweeping motion with my arm so that my fan cut through the air like a blade. When he came into my range, I thumbed the little lever on the handle and fourteen senbon needles shot out of the fan's ribs. Unfortunately due to the large curve of the fan's edge, only five senbons were heading directly at Peaches. He easily knocked them away with his two bladed kunai and jumped back.
 I snapped the fan shut and pointed it at him, “Lesson number one of kunoichi tactics: Everything can be a weapon.” I depressed another button on the bamboo frame of the fan and a three inch blade shot out of the little slot that was embedded into the fan, just to prove my point. Zabuza did not looked very pleased with my Fan of Wonders–as Obito called it.
 In fact, I could swear he was pouting.
 “This won't be like last time, Peach-boy.” I promised him, my smirk melting away to be replaced with the expressionless mask every shinobi seemed to have.
 The bandaged nuke-nin seemed to have stolen my smirk, “You're correct, because this time even if you do defeat me, you have no chance against Haku. When I found him he was just a street rat, but I trained him in the most advanced techniques. I taught him everything I know, and with that Kekke Genkai of his, soon he was able to take on dangerous enemies. Even outnumbered and in total darkness, he could strike with perfect accuracy. He cared nothing for his own life, or the lives of others. Haku became a unique fighting machine, a shinobi. In the end even he surpassed me, with that Kekke Genkai of his nothing can defeat it! I've created a tool that can destroy anyone who stands in my way, unlike those useless brats that follow you around like little lost puppies!”
 I grimaced in disgust at the man before me. Then I glanced over his shoulder at the prison of ice mirrors where the shouts of pain from Naruto and Sasuke were still originating. When I head heard Haku's speech I was ready to put an end to the battle peacefully, just to save the kid the pain of losing his precious person. Now I was ready to roast the fool who dared take advantage of loyalty like that.
 Zabuza laughed as he looked back at the ice mirrors with a crazed look in his eyes, “You think those punks can defeat Haku? He's the ultimate battle tool of destruction!”
 “Would ya shut up already? Geez you sound worse than my uncle when he's talking about Itachi!” I snapped, getting irritated with this 'Haku is so great! You can never defeat him!' bullshit. Was Zabuza Haku's fangirl or senpai?!
 Zabuza didn't understand the reference, so he wasn't offended. Though I had now doubt he would be throwing a temper tantrum if he knew how Fugaku was when he was bragging about my cousin. “Fine, but there is one more thing you should know.” I raised an eyebrow and decided to humor him, not that he needed any encouragement, “Did you really think our last battle was just win or lose? Haku had been watching the whole time, watching every move your made with that sharingan of yours. Haku can see a move once and immediately devise a counterattack; it's one of his... gifts. I've been waiting to see the look on your pretty face when you realize that your sharingan has become worthless!”
 I kept my face blank just to annoy him.
 Zabuza held up two fingers, “Suiton: Hidden Mist Jutsu!”
 Deja vu, anyone?
 The thin mist that had already layered the air thickened to the point of no visibility. I cursed, my sharingan eyes darting to pick up the slighted movement in the mist; but all I could see was Hinata and Tazuna fidgeting around, looking left and right for a thin spot in the thick mist. I pinned Hinata with a look. She was twitching nervously and shaking in fear, “Hinata, stay with Tazuna. Don't leave his side for any reason.” I ordered her in a sharp tone. The Hyuuga girl seemed to get over her fear at the order and nodded firmly before shifting from an offensive to a defensive taijutsu stance. I had noticed over the weeks that she seemed to lose her cowardice when given a direct order. Hopefully she would stand by it even if I went down.
 Shuriken came out of no where and I easily batted them away with my closed fan. I took a cautious step in the direction the throwing stars had come from but stopped and twisted around when I felt Zabuza's chakra behind me. I blinked when I saw that his eyes were closed. Was he trying to prevent looking into my sharingan or was it another reason entirely? I frowned when he started to speak.
 “Next time you see me, will be the last time you see anything.” Okay, for Peach-boy, that wasn't a half bad attempt to be intimidating; but still... even goofy Shisui still beat him by a mile. Of course, goofy Shisui happened to be pretty terrifying when someone did the impossible and actually pissed him off, but that was irrelevant. “Without your sharingan, you're nothing.” Zabuza rasped and then disappeared again before I could attack. I twitched in annoyance. If this was just going to be a hit-and-run tactic I was going to murder someone.
 Preferably Peaches; but I would take Tazuna for putting me in this mess in the first place too.
 Fine. If he wanted to play this game, then I would just pull and Uchiha Tactic straight from the Book of Bullshit and own his sorry ass before he could sneeze. I ran through the appropriate hand signs and slammed my palms together with a loud clap, “FĆ«ton: Gale Palm!” In a large ejection of wind oriented chakra, I managed to disperse most of the mist thinning it out enough that I could see Zabuza's faint outline several paces to my right. I turned to face the outline and began a new set of hand signs, “Katon: Great Fireball Jutsu!” I shouted and sent a steady stream of fire at Zabuza.
 I grinned when Zabuza had to leap out of the mist and into my sight, just like I wanted, “I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last part. You left to quickly. Something about me being without my sharingan...?” I said teasingly. Boy, did Peaches look pissed off.
 Somehow that set off a monologue of how Peach-boy had figured out the secret behind the sharingan. I almost started nodding off when he started explaining the piercing eye and the hypnotic eye and how I had used them in battle. Seriously, what was with this guy and explaining things to invisible audiences? Was he so enamored with his own smoker voice that he liked making long winded speeches over obvious things?!
 That would explain a lot of things, actually.
 After he finished lecturing me about things I had grown up knowing, he started talking about his 'ultimate plan to win the day'. Finally I gave up pretending to listen and groaned loudly, “Oh. My. Kami. SHUT UP! At least try to make it harder on me by not explaining your stupid little plan. Dear Lord, do I need to give you the 'a shinobi's lifestyle is deception' lecture I gave Naruto too?!”
 There was a beat of silence when even Haku stopped fighting Naruto and Sasuke, before Zabuza's annoying raspy voice spoke again, “Fine. I just won't give you a sporting chance.” If that was what he called a 'sporting chance' I would gladly go without, if only to keep my ears from bleeding.
 In the back of my mind I wondered who could out talk the other: the Hokage or Peaches.
 The fighting between the three boys resumed with vigor, but something was different about it. I could hear Sasuke using the fireball jutsu as well, which was strange. Didn't he already try to melt the ice and figure out that it didn't work? What could those two idiots possibly be up to? I risked a glance in their direction, hoping that it might shed some light on their plan.
 “Pay attention to your own fight!” Zabuza roared and I snapped my head around with a gasp just in time to feel his foot connect with my jawline. There was a dull crunch and I tasted the sharp coppery twang of blood flooding my mouth; seconds later a wave of pain bloomed from my jaw, momentarily causing my mind to blank. I landed in a heap on the ground, my jaw throbbing painfully. I reached up to cradle it and winced when my hand grazed against the bruising area. The bone was cracked at the very least.
 High killer intent brought my head up and my eyes widened when I saw Zabuza descending from the air, the Kubikiribƍchƍ raised over his head and positioned to bisect me at the waist. Scrambling, I twisted to the side and got my feet under me just as the long blade dug into the ground almost three inches deep. I winced and tried not to imagine what would have happened to be had I been any slower.
 I was really starting to regret pissing Peaches off.
 The Kiri nuke-nin yanked his big ass sword out of the ground and turned towards me, a deranged look in his eyes. “Seems I finally succeeded in shutting up the Uchiha with the runaway mouth. Now to make it permanent.” I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the lame trash talk. This guy was truly pathetic when it came to being intimidating. I was starting to think that awkward Iruka could be more terrifying than this guy. The chunnin might be terrifying to kids, but he was just a socially awkward wimp when it came to adults.
 Peachy disappeared.
 I stiffened and looked around, trying to discern any chakra signal with either my sharingan or my sensory abilities. I swallowed a mouthful of blood, trying not to gag at the overbearing taste of copper, and ran through my options. While the wind jutsu had momentarily cleared the mist, it was back in full force, once again hindering my line of vision. Sight was out, I could deal with that. Peaches was a master of the silent killing technique; he could enter a crowd full of people, kill one person, and be gone before that person even hit the ground–all the while not making a smidgen of noise. That mean I could not hear Zabuza's attacks either and if I did it was probably a distraction. Still I could manage without hearing too.
 That left my sensing abilities and scent. I wasn't a tracker and I was no where near as good at olfactory perception as Kakashi or the Inuzuka clan, but I still had a sharp nose. However, the problem with that was my sense of smell was being overridden by the smell of my blood still filling my mouth. My chances of predicting Peaches next attack were starting to slim down. My chakra sensing abilities weren't the best, it was mostly just raw talent, but I still should be able to pick out Zabuza's large chakra source in the thick mist he had created. It would be like trying to pick out the early morning sun in a thick fog, but it was still doable. Unless Peach-boy suppressed his chakra, I should be able to sense him.
 I closed my eyes and concentrated on spanning my awareness about the bridge. I could feel the chakra of the three boys flitting around inside the ice prison, which appeared to be a thin dome of Haku's chakra, and I could pick out Hinata's still relatively high chakra reserves right in front of Tazuna's stunted civilian level chakra. Wait.
 Hinata.
 Damn it! I had a Hyuuga with me the whole time and I was too caught up in my ego to even think about asking her for help. There wasn't anything that could hide from the Byakugan! And now, I couldn't talk because of my cracked jawbone. Growling deep in my throat I was about to shunshin to Hinata and signal what I needed in my rusty genin hand signs, when the object I was looking for appeared.
 Right where I didn't want it.
  Chapter 13: Reassuring Brats is Such a Drag
“W-where's N-N-N-Na-Naruto-kun?” Hinata asked the next day as she came down for breakfast. I ignored the conversation as I absentmindedly went over my supply of weapons. My instincts were telling me that the final battle between my team and Zabuza was approaching fast. I wouldn't be unprepared this time, I was going to make sure I was as prepared as I could be with my limited resources. I sighed through my nose and wished that the Land of Waves had a weapons shop of some sort. I had gone as far as whittling down sticks I gathered in the woods into makeshift senbon needles.
 There was no way in hell I was going to lose this fight.
 Tsunami's worried voice brought me back to reality, “Well I hope he's alright. A child shouldn't spend the night out in the woods alone.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I reattached my weapons pouch to my hip. Civilians would forever think that a child was a child and not a ninja, no matter what we did to convince them otherwise.
 “I wouldn't worry.” Everyone turned to look at me. I found it amusing that there were sparks of anger in the eyes of the two genin present. It was especially funny coming from Hinata. I shrugged, “Naruto is an immature brat, but he's still a genin. He'll be fine...” A smirk crawled up the corner of my mouth, “Although, he could be dead from chakra exhaustion. He's an idiot for practicing that jutsu day in and day out.”
 Hinata squeaked in fear and daintily covered her mouth with her hands. “S-sensei, you d-d-don't th-think that he–” She didn't finish her thought, as if she was afraid that if she said Naruto was dead it would be true.
 Sasuke hummed to himself, “Sensei is probably right. That dobe is probably dead somewhere.” I mentally grinned evilly as I filed away the quote for future blackmail against Sasuke. If Mikoto ever found out that Sasuke was being rude to Kushina-san's child, my aunt would hang Sasuke by his toenails and proceed to skin him alive.
 Duckass stood suddenly and started to walk away, “I'm going for a walk.” He said nonchalantly as he stuffed his hands into his shorts' pockets.
 I grinned at my cousin as he passed me, “Say hi to your boyfriend for me when you find him!” I called teasingly. Sasuke actually snarled when he glared at me and I laughed with true delight. I swear teasing Sasuke was almost as fun as it had was to tease Kakashi-nii.
 Actually teasing the duckass was more fun because he didn't throw kunais at me.
 Or tell Shisui where I was at any given time.
 The door clicked shut behind Sasuke and I immediately stood up, “Let's go Hinata, you're turn for practice.” I didn't miss Hinata's flinch, but I ignored it. Now was not the time for personal issues, we were about to have a fight on our hands.
 Hinata followed me quietly until we reached the clearing I had in mind to use as Hinata's training ground. I sat down in the middle of the clearing and closed my eyes, “Alright, go out in the woods for a bit and try to sneak back here. I'll tell you if I hear you or not.”
 She didn't move.
 I waited for a moment longer before cracking an eye open. Hinata stood there, still in her strangely defiant mood. If not for the blush on her cheeks or the nervous way she twiddled her fingers, I would have said she was glaring at me. I guess I wasn't getting out of this easily.
 “Look,” I started as I leaned back on my hands and closed my eye again, “it's my job as your sensei to prepare you for the world. I won't apologize for seeming a little harsh; to me Naruto, Sasuke and you are all adults so I won't coddle you. If you can't handle it, then resign from your career as a kunoichi and find a less stressful job.” I opened my other eye to pin the quiet Hyuuga heiress with a serious look, “Otherwise, start practicing.”
 Hinata was quiet for a long time. She just stood in her place, staring at me. I held her gaze. Hinata may be a shy child who stuttered a lot, but I could tell by her eyes that gaining her respect would be a challenge for anyone, and once the had it she would never stop respecting them no matter what they did. I knew that her philosophy came from her clan, so I would respect her beliefs, however much they differed from the Uchiha clan.
 Finally the little girl bowed deeply, as one would to a highly respected elder, and ran off into the woods. I smiled, I was actually starting to enjoy this jounin sensei gig... well at least with Hinata.
 The two boys were still annoying.
 When I was could no longer feel Hinata's chakra signature, I pulled a blank scroll out of my weapons pouch and opened it. Setting it down in front of me, the tip of my foot resting on the edge to keep the scroll from rolling back up, I took out my fan I used for wind ninjutsu and unfurled it. I felt along the fan's edge for the rib that was just slightly larger than the others. Hooking my fingernail under the tiny lip at the top, I pulled out my field brush then I flipped the fan over so I could feel along the base for the compartment that held a block of compressed and died ink.
 With all my supplies laid out I proceeded to make the ink. Scratching off a good bit of the powdered ink into the large thumb indent on my fan that doubled as an ink pot, I spat saliva until the ink was smooth and thin enough for writing. Carefully, to avoid spilling my hard won ink, I set the fan down by my leg and dipped the brush into the ink. Leaning closer to the blank scroll I began the emergency report.
 'Red Update
 Mission status: C-rank updated to A-rank
 Team: Genin Team 7
 Report: Three days out of Konohagakure, Team had encountered two chunnin level nuke-nin known as the 'Demon Brothers'. Minimal injuries. The nuke-nin were taken out by Team Leader with a minor AoE genjutsu. Client confessed to requesting a B-rank level Mission under the rank C. Team decision made to deliver Client safely to Destination and abort the Mission. En route to Destination, Team encountered A-class nuke-nin known as Momochi Zabuza. Presumed Alive with Unknown Ally. Team Leader mildly injured: Chakra Exhaustion. Political tension. Gang trouble caused by man named Gatou. Team has made unanimous decision to remain at Destination until problems are resolved.'
 After the ink dried I rolled the scroll back up and drew three bands around the outside, marking the information as High Priority information. Setting aside the scroll I twirled my brush around and used the sharp end of it to stab my thumb. Quickly I made the hand signs and slammed my palm to the ground, “Kuchiyose no Jutsu!”
 A small puff of smoke and a small brown hawk stood there, her head cocked to the side as she stared at me with one sharp yellow eye, “Yanagi-sama? You have use of me?” The hawk summon questioned in her smooth silky voice.
 I picked up the scroll and presented it to her, “Take this to the Hokage in Konohagakure, fast.” The hawk jumped into the air and grabbed the scroll in her talons. I bowed my head in thanks and the hawk was gone so quickly she was nothing but a speck in the sky within a minute. Breathing in relief I knew the scroll would reach Konoha withing two days. All my hawk summons were naturally fast; but Izon was the fastest of the group, I could rely on her.
 As I finished wiping the ink out of my fan's thumb imprint, I called out, “I know you're there. Go back and try again.” There was a moment of silence before I could feel Hinata's chakra starting to move away from me again. For her to get within 50 meters of me without my noticing was a feat; maybe I underestimated the Hyuuga girl.
 vvv 3rd Person~ Sasuke vvv
 Sasuke found Naruto alright, talking to some weird androgynous boy. The Uchiha boy didn't know if he should be amused that Naruto thought the boy was a girl, or annoyed that the loser was blabbing to a complete stranger about shinobi matters. He was leaning towards annoyed. Sasuke wasn't dumb, that boy down there with Naruto wasn't some innocent civilian boy. Having grown up in a ninja clan, Sasuke could spot the small telltale signs of a trained shinobi and that boy was definitely a shinobi of some sort. Why he was bothering Naruto... that was the question.
 Sasuke knew enough espionage to know that one should never be discovered loitering around. When it was clear that the strange boy was getting ready to leave, Sasuke ducked back a few yards and began slowly walking back towards the pair. He tucked his hands in his pockets and made a casual show of looking around; when the boy turned around Sasuke pretended that the movement caught his attention and picked up his pace, his dark eyes solely on Naruto. Sasuke glanced up at the strange boy passed him, just a false curious glance, before returning his gaze on the confused blonde.
 Only when the boy was far behind him did Sasuke pause and glance back. He knew that subtle tension anywhere, he had seen it in his father, Itachi-nii, Shisui, even Kaa-chan. Almost every adult he had ever come across in the clan had that same invisible aura of caution that seemed to run in their blood. There was no mistaking it now: that boy was a shinobi. And from his careful avoidance of Sasuke, the navy haired Uchiha  also knew that the boy wasn't an ally.
 Yanagi-sensei was going to be pissed if she knew there was a possible third-party of ill intent; but she would be even more pissed off if Sasuke didn't warn her of the possibility. Sasuke couldn't help but sigh a little, never had he understood why Shikamaru was always babbling about troublesome women until now.
 To take out his frustration, Sasuke bashed Naruto on the head. The loser automatically started snapping at Sasuke, both his hands raising to cradle his poor abused head, “Hey what was that for?!”
 Sasuke crossed his arms, “Hey, loser, did you forget about breakfast?”
 The blonde idiot blinked a few times before giving Sasuke his signature cheesy grin and chuckling obnoxiously. Sasuke made a disgusted sound and pulled a face, knowing he wouldn't like whatever this idiot just did. He was starting to understand why Yanagi was always so grouchy; if Naruto was anything like Obito-itoko then Sasuke's respect for his female cousin just raised a few pegs.
 Naruto's grin grew until it took up one-third of his face and he jerked his thumb towards him with a large wink, “Just wait til you see what I mastered last night! Frizzy-sensei is going to be so impressed!” With that the blonde idiot leapt to his feet and took out the much battered fan that Yanagi-sensei had loaned to him.
 Sasuke mentally groaned. Yanagi was going to murder his teammate for destroying one of her weapons.
 vvv Normal POV vvv
 Bam!
 “Jounin-san! Don't do that!” Tsunami squeaked in alarm when I banged my head against the table. I only responded by repeating my action, just to annoy her. Damn it damn it damn it! I didn't need any more complications! I needed a nice, straight-forward battle to the death with the Demon of the Mist; I didn't need some secretive little bastard trying to throw a stupid plot twist into this! Especially not with three genin to watch over. I was going to have a hard enough time keeping the brats alive while fighting Peaches, having a secondary opponent was going to be next to impossible!
 Just kill me now, please.
 “Er... Yanagi-sensei...” My head snapped up and I pinned Naruto with a deadly glare. He immediately went white and visibly shivered. Both Hinata and Sasuke edged away from the little brat, knowing that all hell was about to break loose.
 I lifted a hand and jabbed my index finger in Naruto's direction, “You.” I hissed, my voice so cold I was almost surprised that I couldn't see my breath, “You had better start recalling that conversation you had with that bastard. Every. Word. Or. Else.”
 Naruto chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck, “Uh... Okay... I woke up and I saw this guy sitting there, only I thought she was a girl and-” He fell silent. The Kyuubi brat's breathing started to quicken. It was obvious that he couldn't recall the conversation to save his life, which was truly on the line at the moment. His blue eyes darted to Sasuke in a panic, trying to seek out help. My cousin only looked away from his teammate, obviously not wanting to get in the crossfire.
 My eyes landed on Sasuke, he wasn't going to get out of this. “If you have information, share. Don't withhold information simply because you're too scared of your own sensei.” I snapped.
 I might not have interacted much with my cousin before I became his sensei, but I knew how to push his buttons long before I met him. I made a point in knowing ever single weak point in all my clansmen, both physical and mental. Sasuke wasn't one of the only Uchiha who didn't like being called a coward, but he was the most irrational when someone did. Sasuke was very easy to manipulate. Having a father like Fugaku did wonders; you would either end up as unbreakable and unpredictable like Itachi or basically a pawn like Sasuke.
 As predicted, Sasuke stiffened and turned to glare at me. I kept my expression blank so he wouldn't see the victory in my onyx eyes. This boy was even more easy to manipulate than Obito, which was saying something.
 I closed my eyes, “Stop glaring and start blabbing.” I said to both the boys. Leaning back against the wall by the doorway, I closed my eyes as I began memorizing whatever came out of their mouths. Both were amateurs when it came to relaying information, but I could work with that. In the back of my mind, I added reporting in a concise manner and memorization at the blink of an eye to the already long list of what I needed to teach my brats.
 If we survived this stupid mission that is.
 “What does it matter?!” All conversation stopped when Inari screeched in that whiny voice of his. My eyebrow twitched in irritation, this kid was really pushing it. My already endless patience was coming to an end and someone was going to get hurt soon.
 Everyone looked to see the littlest brat standing at the doorway beside me, his childish eyes wet with unshed tears, “You're all going to die anyway! Gatou has a whole army, they'll just beat you and kill you. You're only wasting your-OW!” Inari fell over on his butt with his strange little hat flying off.
 Everyone twisted to give me various looks of surprise and anger. I only cracked my knuckles and shook my hand, “Such a hard head, that actually hurt.” I grumbled to myself. And I thought Naruto had a hard head, but he had nothing on Inari.
 “Jounin-san!” Tsunami cried out in alarm and anger. I had punched her child after all, any decent mother would be upset; even if her brat was asking for it. I wouldn't be surprised if she kicked the team out because of what I did.
 Still, I had to set this doom and gloom brat right. I set a cold gaze on Inari, who shivered and whimpered. The little coward. I hit Naruto harder than that and he never acted any different. “Never tell a ninja that their career is a wasted time. And stop sniveling, it's silly and childish.”
 Inari was very close to tears by then, “You don't know anything!” He wailed, “You don't know anything about this country, you're just butting in! All of you are just laughing and playing around, you don't know what it's like to be treated like trash!” I was positive that every member of Team 7 stiffened at that comment. We all had sob stories that were worse than Inari's and we knew it.
 Naruto cut in before I could even open my mouth, “Oh yeah? Listen to yourself whining like some sorry little victim.” I glanced at Naruto as my expressionless mask fell over my face, concealing any trace of emotion. First I would see how the kiddies handled it, then step in and finish up whatever was left. Naruto glared at Inari, his blue eyes full of anger and self-righteousness, “You're nothing but a coward!”
 “N-Naruto!” Hinata squeaked in a tiny voice, her pearl eyes wide with surprise. I doubt she had ever seen him so serious. Even I hadn't, and I had been put on his watch many times while I was part of the military police.
 Naruto stood up and stomped away with a growl of frustration. I watched him go silently, keeping an eye of the reactions of my other two genin brats. Hinata looked as if she wanted to go after him, but she stayed in her seat, her Hyuuga eyes trailing after Naruto's appalling orange jumpsuit. Sasuke had retreated into his own mind, keeping his expressions to himself like I was doing, but I could tell by the way his eyes followed Naruto that he was mildly concerned for his teammate. I returned my gaze to Inari to find the little brat sobbing, thick trails of tears coursing down his cheeks. He sat there for a moment, his head bowed so no one could see his eyes, before fleeing from the room like the coward he was.
 Time for me to step in.
 I waited until everyone had gone to bed before searching out the gloomy brat. Even though Inari was a civilian, he still had a chakra signal, albeit an extremely weak one, so finding him on the back porch was a piece of cake. I smirked when I found him sitting at the porch's edge, his knees up to his chest.
 “Hey twerp, got a minute?” I asked, bopping the kid on the back of the head lightly.
 Inari flinched away from me, his hands going to hold his hat in place, as his black eyes stared at me with nervous anticipation. Seeing how I nearly tried to brain him at dinner, I didn't really blame the brat. Inari quickly covered up his fear with a sharp glare that didn't belong on his young face, “What do you want?” He asked, his bravado only breaking when his question ended in a high pitched squeak.
 I took that as an invitation to sit down beside the brat, “You asked what do any of us know about suffering. It came to my attention that Naruto never answered your question, so I thought I would.” I said conversationally. Inari shifted away from me a little. I scoffed at his blatant fear of me and leaned back on my hands, my feet dangling inches above the water, “Where do I begin? Hm... well, I was raised by my brother, whom I don't really like, because my parents died before I even turned three; during the Third Shinobi War. Both Nii-san and I are practically outcasts from the clan because of some stupid reason, too. Sasuke's father constantly belittles him and says he should be more like his older brother Itachi. Hinata's father... yeesh, that guy is worse that Sasuke's dad. He actually thinks that Hinata is a waste of space because she's not the strongest in the clan. Even worse, she's the Hyuuga heiress so the expectations put on her are doubly high.”
 Inari looked more and more surprised at each passing sentence. His young face began to lighten with understanding that he wasn't the only one suffered. I met his gaze and turned serious, “Then there's Naruto. He grew up without knowing his parents too; even worse, he didn't even have friends or anyone who cared about him. At least I had my brother and his team, Naruto had no one ever. Still...” I trailed off and looked up at the low hanging moon, “I never saw him cry or give up. Not even when he completely screws over a mission, he'll still try his best to make amends. That brat wants to be respected, and he'll do anything to get it.”
 I smiled kindly at Inari, “My whole team has a bunch of sob stories and we all reacted in our own way. It's part of what makes us who we are and not your everyday idiot walking around on the streets. I guess you can cope through your losses by crying too... but won't you get tired of crying after a while? Isn't it better to be happy all the time, and loud and obnoxious?” Inari looked down at his feet, contemplating. I chuckled and laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. He didn't flinch, “If there's anyone who can possibly understand what you're going through, it's Team 7. We're here to protect your grandfather and make sure your home stays safe from Gatou. And, if I have to die for that to be a reality, then so be it. I'll gladly give my life.”
 The little boy stared at me, awe buried deep within the obsidian orbs. I snorted at his expression and moved my hand from his shoulder to wrap his neck in a playful choke hold. With my free hand I ground my knuckles into his scalp, “Eh, don't give me that look. I may be a grouchy kunoichi, but I still have a heart. I just like confusing people!” I said teasingly and for the first time since my team had arrived, I heard Inari laugh. I grinned in response as I let the kid free from my grip and leaned back again. In truth, I didn't know how to talk to people unless I was yelling at them, but for some reason this little brat managed to break the ice.
 I snorted as I closed my eyes. If Nii-san could see me know, I was sure he would die laughing.
  VVV^^^OMAKE^^^VVV
 The Curse of the Uchiha
 vvv 3rd Person vvv
 “Man, why are we always the ones called off on stupid S-ranked missions?” Obito complained as Team Minato checked in at Konoha's gate. Kakashi shot Obito an irritated look while the two chunnin guards snickered. The Uchiha gave them a sideways glance, they seemed familiar, but Obito couldn't remember their names to save his life.
 Rin giggled behind one hand and smiled fondly at Obito, “Because, Obito-kun, we're the only full team outside of the ANBU Corp that is cleared for S-ranks missions.” She explained happily. It wasn't often that Rin got called out on missions, but she loved every chance she got.
 Obito beamed at his childhood crush, “Oh yeah! I guess it's awesome to be so powerful. But still, I wish they'd give Team Minato some off time. Between the police force and missions for Konoha, I'm being worn out.”
 “Yet you somehow still manage to run your mouth.” Kakashi interjected drily.
 Immediately Obito glared at his rival/friend, “Got something to say, Baka-Kashi?!”
 “I just said it.”
 Obito pointed at Kakashi, “Stop being so cool! We're not little kids anymore!”
 Kakashi pulled out his book and opened it to his place, “You could have fooled me.” He commented. Kakashi smirked under his mask when he heard Obito gritting his teeth. Mentally he made another tally. While he refused to participate in that silly rivalry with Gai, Kakashi saw no qualms in annoying Obito.
 Both men jerked forward a little when someone hit them upside the head, and turned to Rin, who was standing behind them looking annoyed, “You're both children, now grow up and march! We've gotta report to the Hokage.” The little woman ordered. Before Kakashi or Obito could do what she asked, she grabbed her teammates by the fronts of their jounin vests and dragged them along behind her.
 Obito pouted as he struggled halfheartedly to escape Rin-chan's grip. “Rin-chaaaan! We can walk on our own, ya know!”
 “It's not the walking that's the problem, it's your bickering! Honestly, you two never quit.”
 Kakashi didn't seem all too bothered about being dragged around by a woman half his height and weight. “You don't care when it's Obito and Yanagi fighting.” He commented, still not looking up from his porn.
 Rin and Obito both shot their teammate nasty looks, but Rin was the one who spoke, “That's because they're siblings and it's none of my business. Besides I'm not constantly around Yanagi-chan. It's you two idiots I've got to deal with.”
 Kakashi muttered something under his breath that Rin couldn't catch. Obito, however, seemed to understand him and snorted in amusement. The Uchiha quickly ducked his head in shame and sheepishly looked at Rin, proving that whatever Kakashi had said wasn't very kind about her.
 Rin could sometimes understand why Yanagi was so short tempered, if these goons were the ones who raised her. Luckily for Rin, they had arrived at the Missions Office and could give their stupid report and disperse. While Rin loved her teammates like her own family, she could only take so much of them in one sitting.
 vvv
 Hiruzen groaned and rubbed his temples after the rowdy team left. He would never understand how Minato-kun stayed sane around them, especially after all the drama that had happened between the three kids during the Third Shinobi War. It was one thing to have a student supposedly die and come back months later alive and well–that happened a lot in war; but it was entirely another thing to have another student be captured by Kiri-nins and forced to be the jinchuuriki of the Sanbi.
 It was because of Team Minato that people said having an Uchiha on the team was asking for trouble. What was alarming was most of the time they were right; Team Minato, Team Shisui, ANBU Team Ro, and now apparently Team 7 all had horrible luck when it came to missions.
 Hiruzen looked at the emergency mission report he had received from Uchiha Yanagi only moments before Team Minato came barging in the Missions Assignment Office. How on earth did Team 7 manage to somehow go from a normal C-rank mission to A-rank was beyond the Hokage's understanding, even with the explanation Yanagi had given him.
 Frustrated, Hiruzen took a long drag on his pipe and read over the report again. This put him in a bind, he knew that he should send reinforcements to aid Uchiha Yanagi, but he doubted they would be reached in time. His only hope was the pray that Yanagi had the situation under control, she didn't request reinforcements which meant she could handle it.
 Hiruzen paled at the very thought of how many people would be after his hide if Yanagi's team failed to return. At the top of that list would be Obito and Kakashi. Hiruzen shuddered at the thought of facing the two top shinobi in the village.
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mothergamerwriter · 6 years ago
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Wicked Saints (Something Dark and Holy #1) by Emily A. Duncan | Blog Tour Review & Excerpt
      Hello bookland! Welcome to Mother/Gamer/Writer for the Wicked Saints Blog Tour. For today’s tour stop, please enjoy my review of this magically delicious and bloody tale, an excerpt from the novel, and an awesome pronunciation guide!
      I received this book for free from the mentioned source in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book nor the content of my review.
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Wicked Saints by Emily A. Duncan Series: Something Dark and Holy #1 Published by: Wednesday Books on April 2nd 2019 Genres: Fantasy, Magic, YA, Romance Pages: 400 Format: ARC Source: ARC From Publisher, Blog Tour View on: Goodreads Grab it: Amazon Review Score:
About the Book:
When Nadya prays to the gods, they listen, and magic flows through her veins. For nearly a century the Kalyazi have been locked in a deadly holy war with Tranavian heretics, and her power is the only thing that is a match for the enemy’s blood magic. But when the Travanian High Prince, and his army invade the monastery she is hiding in, instead of saving her people, Nadya is forced to flee the only home she’s ever known, leaving it in flames behind her, and vengeance in her heart.
As night falls, she chooses to defy her gods and forge a dangerous alliance with a pair of refugees and their Tranavian blood mage leader, a beautiful, broken boy who deserted his homeland after witnessing his blood cult commit unthinkable monstrosities. The plan? Assassinate the king and stop the war.
But when they discover a nefarious conspiracy that goes beyond their two countries, everything Nadya believes is thrown into question, including her budding feelings for her new partner. Someone has been harvesting blood mages for a dark purpose, experimenting with combining Tranavian blood magic with the Kalyazi’s divine one. In order to save her people, Nadya must now decide whether to trust the High Prince – her country’s enemy – or the beautiful boy with powers that may ignite something far worse than the war they’re trying to end.
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        “You could be exactly what these countries need to stop their fighting,” he said. He dropped his hand and she was colder for its absence. “Or you could rip them apart at the seams.”
    Magical, dark, and wicked, Wicked Saints is a courageous novel set in a Russian inspired land where nothing is as it seems.
  Nadya is a cleric, raised in the old ways and able to communicate with not only one god, but all gods. Her magic is deadly powerful and just as difficult to control as the gods she speaks with through her prayer beads who guide and protect the world. Within the first few pages, we are launched into the brutal attack on the monastery where Nadya was raised. Her people are dying at the hands of Crown Prince Serefin, a vicious blood mage and war general sent to capture her and her power. Nadya along with Anna, an ordained priestess, flees the chaos only to run into a group of rebels who have secrets of their own. Among them, Nadya finds their leader Malachiasz is also a blood mage who defected from his group of Vultures, sinister monsters who destroy everything in their path. After their meeting, it becomes a wicked game life or death and maybe love.
  Wicked Saints was easy to devour. Honestly, I was seventy percent through the book before I realized I had become immersed in the tale. Emily A. Duncan charms readers with her lush imagination. Her descriptions of snow and ice and stone make it easy for one to lose themselves in Nadya’s world. The religious war at the helm of it all inspires readers to question right and wrong, what they are taught versus what is and what can be. Personally, I loved the combination of religion and religion based magic. It made what happened to Nadya all the more real and personal. With such a complex magical system, Duncan does a great job of blurring the gray area between the two. Is blood magic all bad? Is using the god’s gifts all good? You will have to read Wicked Saints to find out!
  Overall, I recommend it for fans of diverse characters, those that love awe-inspiring worlds, and those that crave something a little dark and bloody in their reading pile.
    My Rating
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                  4 N A D E Z H D A L A P T E V A
    Horz stole the stars and the heavens out from underneath Myesta’s control, and for that she has never forgiven him. For where can the moons rest if not the heavens?
—Codex of the Divine, 5:26
    “It’s certainly not my fault you chose a child who sleeps so deeply. If she dies it will very much be your fault, not mine.”
Startled by bickering gods was not Nadya’s preferred method of being woken up. She rolled to her feet in the dark, moving automatically. It took her eyes a few seconds to catch up with the rest of her body.
Shut up!
It wasn’t wise to tell the gods to shut up, but it was too late now. A feeling of amused disdain flowed through her, but neither of the gods spoke again. She realized it was Horz, the god of the heavens and the stars, who had woken her. He had a tendency to be obnoxious but generally left Nadya alone, as a rule.
Usually only a single god communed with their chosen cleric. There once had been a cleric named Kseniya Mirokhina who was gifted with unnatural marksmanship by Devonya, the goddess of the hunt. And Veceslav had chosen a cleric of his own, long ago, but their name was lost to history, and he re- fused to talk about them. The recorded histories never spoke of clerics who could hear more than one god. That Nadya communed with the entire pantheon was a rarity the priests who trained her could not explain.
There was a chance older, more primordial gods existed, ones that had long since given up watch of the world and left it in the care of the others. But no one knew for sure. Of the twenty known gods, however, carvings and paintings depicted their human forms, though no one knew what they actually looked like. No cleric throughout history had ever looked upon the faces of the gods. No saint, nor priest.
Each had their own power and magic they could bestow upon Nadya, and while some were forthcoming, others were not. She had never spoken to the goddess of the moons, Myesta. She wasn’t even sure what manner of power the goddess would give, if she so chose.
And though she could commune with many gods, it was impossible to forget just who had chosen her for this fate: Marzenya, the goddess of death and magic, who expected complete dedication.
Indistinct voices murmured in the dark. She and Anna had found a secluded place within a copse of thick pine trees to set up their tent, but it no longer felt safe. Nadya slid a voryen from underneath her bedroll and nudged Anna awake.
She moved to the mouth of the tent, grasping at her beads, a prayer already forming on her lips, smoky symbols trailing from her mouth. She could see the blurry impressions of figures in the darkness, far off in the distance. It was hard to judge the number, two? Five? Ten? Her heart sped at the possibility that a company of Tranavians were already on her trail.
Anna drew up beside her. Nadya’s grip on her voryen tightened, but she kept still. If they hadn’t seen their tent yet, she could keep them from noticing it entirely.
But Anna’s hand clasped her forearm.
“Wait,” she whispered, her breath frosting out before her in the cold. She pointed to a dark spot just off to the side of the group.
Nadya pressed her thumb against Bozidarka’s bead and her eyesight sharpened until she could see as clearly as if it were day. It took effort to shove aside the immediate, paralyzing fear as her suspicions were confirmed and Tranavian uniforms be- came clear. It wasn’t a full company. In fact, they looked rather ragged. Perhaps they had split off and lost their way.
More interesting, though, was the boy with a crossbow silently aiming into the heart of the group.
“We can get away before they notice,” Anna said.
Nadya almost agreed, almost slipped her voryen back into its sheath, but just then, the boy fired and the trees erupted into chaos. Nadya wasn’t willing to use an innocent’s life as a distraction for her own cowardice. Not again.
Even as Anna protested, Nadya let a prayer form fully in her mind, hand clutching at Horz’s bead on her necklace and its constellation of stars. Symbols fell from her lips like glowing glimmers of smoke and every star in the sky winked out.
Well, that was more extreme than I intended, Nadya thought with a wince. I should’ve known better than to ask Horz for any- thing.
She could hear cursing as the world plunged into darkness.
Anna sighed in exasperation beside her.
“Just stay back,” she hissed as she moved confidently through the dark.
“Nadya . . .” Anna’s groan was soft.
It took more focus to send a third prayer to Bozetjeh. It was hard to catch Bozetjeh on a good day; the god of speed was notoriously slow to answer prayers. But she managed to snag his attention and received a spell allowing her to move as fast as the vicious Kalyazin wind.
Her initial count had been wrong; there were six Tranavians now scattering into the forest. The boy dropped his crossbow with a bewildered look up into the sky, startling when Nadya touched his shoulder.
There was no way he could see in this darkness, but she could. When he whirled, a curved sword in his hand, Nadya sidestepped. His swing went wide and she shoved him in the direction of a fleeing Tranavian, anticipating their collision.
“Find the rest,” Marzenya hissed. “Kill them all.” Complete and total dedication.
She caught up to one of the figures, stabbing her voryen into his skull just underneath his ear.
Not so difficult this time, she thought. But the knowledge was a distant thing.
Blood sprayed, splattering a second Tranavian, who cried out in alarm. Before the second man could figure out what had happened to his companion, she lashed out her heel, catching him squarely on the jaw and knocking him off his feet. She slit his throat.
Three more. They couldn’t have moved far. Nadya took up Bozidarka’s bead again. The goddess of vision revealed where the last Tranavians were located. The boy with the sword had managed to kill two in the dark. Nadya couldn’t actually see the last one, just felt him nearby, very much alive.
Something slammed into Nadya’s back and suddenly the chilling bite of a blade was pressed against her throat. The boy appeared in front of her, his crossbow back in his hands, thank- fully not pointed at Nadya. It was clear he could only barely see her. He wasn’t Kalyazi, but Akolan.
A fair number of Akolans had taken advantage of the war between their neighbors, hiring out their swords for profit on both sides. They were known for favoring Tranavia simply because of the warmer climate. It was rare to find a creature of the desert willingly stumbling through Kalyazin’s snow.
He spoke a fluid string of words she didn’t understand. His posture was languid, as if he hadn’t nearly been torn to pieces by blood mages. The blade against Nadya’s throat pressed harder. A colder voice responded to him, the foreign language scratched uncomfortably at her ears.
Nadya only knew the three primary languages of Kalyazin and passing Tranavian. If she wasn’t going to be able to communicate with them . . .
The boy said something else and Nadya heard the girl sigh before she felt the blade slip away. “What’s a little Kalyazi assassin doing out in the middle of the mountains?” he asked, switching to perfect Kalyazi.
Nadya was very aware of the boy’s friend at her back. “I could ask the same of you.”
She shifted Bozidarka’s spell, sharpening her vision further. The boy had skin like molten bronze and long hair with gold chains threaded through his loose curls.
He grinned.
    Wicked Saints (Something Dark and Holy #1) by Emily A. Duncan | Blog Tour Review & Excerpt was originally published on Mother/Gamer/Writer
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south-by-midwest · 7 years ago
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do all the consonants you little shit
I greatly appreciate all these handpicked consonants you’ve asked me to do. It’s the time of my life. 
Also I realize my few hours turned into an entire day whoops but at least I’m now on my computer so this will look prettier than being on mobile. 
B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?Ya know, I used to get really worried that all my anons were gonna be hateful, but then I realized that my blunt and sharp responses to anon bullshit make people not want to message me at all, so now I’m just shocked and amazed when someone sends me something. 
C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?I may have in my childhood because I was raised VERY religiously, but definitely not since I finished high school/went to college and realized largely that religion isn’t for me, so I don’t care what people do, as long as they’re not hurting anybody. 
D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?Who the fuck actually wants this? Who wrote this?? Y’all wild get out of my face.
F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?Uhhhhhhh me c. 2012. He was a skinny fucker. 
G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?Freeze. Burning to death hurts. There comes a point when you’re freezing to death that you actually feel warm as your body shuts down, so you don’t even know it’s coming and it’s more peaceful. 
H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?The Christian Devil is a spineless bitch, send me the fuck down there. 
I almost did I, whoops.
J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?Miss me with that eternal youth shit. I enjoy sex far too much to even entertain this question. 
K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?Uhhhhhhh I’ve seen a lot of softcore flicks, because I was a teenager with unlimited access to a DirecTV subscription, but no I’ve never watched an entire full porn video from start to finish who the fuck has the patience or time for that.
L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?I was raised on the Stones by my Dad, next question. 
M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?You can use energy to manipulate matter, so uh, loophole. Real talk think about this though you can either just impress your friends by throwing shit across a room, or you could take over an entire power grid with a thought. You can control the massive oceans, the air, anything that has movement or momentum, you can take that energy and do whatever the fuck you want with it. That’s so badass and powerful. I’ll take energy. 
N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?Bruh. I had a recurring one until sometime in high school, it’s hard to explain the details now because it was so long ago, but in it I would be running from some unseen force, and I could never get away. No matter how much I ran through the environment, that thing would always be just one corner behind me. The concept itself isn’t that bad, but the fact that it occurred so often and over a period of a lot of years that I dreaded that dream happening. Every time I saw that place again I’d panic. It was horrible. 
P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?To be honest I don’t pay as much attention to cinema as people normally do? I think It was fantastic, Kingsman is outstanding, and before that the last movie I saw in theaters was Dunkirk so like you tell me what’s out there because I don’t fucking know. 
Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?Bitch I’ve been dirt poor AND emotionally dissatisfied my entire existence give me all that fucking money if I’m gonna be sad at least I’m not gonna be stressed about capitalism ruining my life. 
R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?Why the fuck are there parentheses around that word? This must’ve been written by a high school english student. If you’re a bigot, you’re a bigot. Like that’s it. But anyway, if I do still harbor any ill feelings towards people, it is residual from being raised by those who are extremely bigoted, and every single day is a struggle to unlearn all the things I was taught growing up. I sincerely apologize to anyone if I ever come across as being hateful and bigoted towards any people. 
S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?So basically this question is, would you rather be able to read minds, or not read minds? And to that I say, UH, DOT DOT DOT, YEAH?!?! Let me catch my enemies on their bullshit I’ll fucking end them. Also let me catch my faves on their bullshit I’ll be the best at birthday and Christmas presents ever and not have to speak a word to anyone. Bring that shit the fuck on. 
T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?The standard international language for aviation is English, so I’m gonna go with English. I know I’m boring, and I’m sorry. 
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU souljah boy tell em
V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?Personally, I’m for it. People have been killing each other for thousands of years over religion, if you took that away maybe we’d be able to actually focus on things like our planet, and our universe, and we’d be a lot more advanced as a society. 
W. The men’s rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, why?Did a fucking meninist write this? Our entire society was built on the premise of men having every fucking “right” they could think of, and keeping women from doing anything. Miss me with this shit. If you’re walking around claiming “my rights as a man are under attack”, you’re a worthless piece of shit and you need to take a very long walk off an incredibly short pier. 
X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?Oh you gave me the option to decline, so I’m gonna decline. Thanks for that. If I absolutely had to pick one though, it’d be smell. I need the other four to fly. 
Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don’t lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?No? If I don’t find someone physically attractive, things are not going to work out for us in the long run. As far as level of importance goes I value intelligence, personality and how someone makes me feel far above how they look, but if I look at someone and my immediate thought is “oh they ugly” I’m turning and walking away. 
Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa. Oh absolutely, I was raised as a Protestant Christian, but after I left home and learned to think for myself I distanced myself from religion because I found it to be far too divisive and superficial for how I understand the world. People want to believe in something higher than themselves, they want to have some comfort in an afterlife, or just some motivation to get through their toughest days. It’s a lot more complicated than the standard “praise God vs praise Science” argument that’s been thrown around for decades. People do whatever makes them feel better about life, and whether that’s going to a church every Sunday or meditating in a forest for days, that’s how they deal with life’s problems. It’s really not that hard to grasp. 
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