#any acknowledgement of how batshit they looked from the outside (and also from the inside with context too) I loved so much

[persefoneshalott]

the first arrest in the pilot <3

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Loyalty

A/N: I got inspiration for this piece from the Tumblr account @xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx​ (I got their permission to tag them!) however I think they’re a wonderful writer and always one of the top ones with a huge amount of Gerard x Reader fics that I keep on crawling back to. They have a work called “Gotham City Rivals” (with two parts) that I fell in love with and decided to do my own spinoff of with their idea. I also don’t know that much about any DC comics, most of Gerard’s character in this is based off of Bruce Wayne, but I didn’t do a bunch of research so I apologize for any inaccuracies. Hope you guys enjoy! Pairing: Batman!Gerard x Catwoman!Reader Word count: 2,781 Warnings: Angst, minor fighting, swear words, injury, mentions of blood.

You slipped off your skin tight suit with a harsh gasp, your teeth grinding together at the rough cuts that the latex and leather of your suit now brushed against. Yet the sounds of a hot shower and the steam that you could already see promised some element of relief to the pain. “You alright?” You heard your boyfriend walk in the room, armor still on in it’s completion besides his mask and gloves that he was currently carelessly throwing on the marble counter.

“Yeah, I think so.” You responded, examining the damage of your wounds in the mirror. “Not the worse I’ve taken.” Reflecting back on the various gun shots and stabs you’ve received over the years.

He came over, standing behind you. His metal armor always looked so good on him, solid black with small decals that you felt lucky enough you only got to see. He gave small kisses on the cuts and bruises along your shoulder and collarbones. It wasn’t in a sexual way, more in a caring one.

He finally decided to take off his suit as well, revealing his soft muscles but well built frame. You always found it funny how comic and cartoon artists portrayed real life heroes. They ignore your hip dips, made your waist the size of a pencil, and even overemphasized your boobs. And with Gerard, well, he was actually a lot like what artists portrayed him as, maybe just a little less triangle shaped.

“Next time,” You sighed as you look at him in the mirror that was now fogging with steam, his eyes on yours through the reflection, “You’re taking more hits.” He lightly laughed.

“Fine.” He agreed with a kind smile, “If you insist.”

“I’ve told you a million times, Gerard, I don’t know anything about those two!” You paced around his marble office trying to explain to him, “They are batshit crazy. They hold no patterns, no compunction, it’s part of their game and it makes it fun for them.” Your feet hastily moved back and forth on the gray tiled floor, the only light source was the sun creeping through the gray clouds outside and small desk-lamps around the large room.

“You’ve worked with her a few times,” He argued back from across his desk where he sat, “You have to know something.” “Those ‘two times’ happened probably five years ago, and it was exchanging files for some cash that’s it.” You sighed, “They don’t have a plan, ever, that’s what I’m telling you. Gerard, I know you’re incredibly smart and think with a plan. And the Joker’s really fucking smart too, but he’s also mentally insane and has no grip on himself other than to kill. He’s like a wild fucking animal.” Your boyfriend leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh, his finger holding his temple together as he collected himself. “If I could help you on this, you know I would in a heartbeat.”

“Would you though?” His anger was growing, both he and you knew it. In fact, the entire room and all its objects were now drowning in the tension.

“What?” You asked barely above a whisper and through teeth clenched together, eyebrows furrowing as your vision grew red. There was no response. “If you’re questioning the integrity of my current work then fuck off. You’re too scared to kill the man, and now you’re gonna put some of this one me?” You snapped, he remained emotionless. Damn he was good at his job. “Go fuck yourself Gerard.” And with that, you stormed out of the room and up to your shared bedroom.

This stupid mansion he lived in was still a maze to you, and stomping through it in your utter fit of rage didn’t help, the sound of your feet bouncing off the large halls. It made your head want to explode.

You had never once blown up on him in your two years of dating and partnership. But never had he ever questioned your morals, or more importantly your loyalty. And you were expecting some form of an apology in the least.

Sure, you felt a little bad about bringing up his own methods of working. He had his extremely valid reasons, but it was a button to push in response to him pushing yours. You knew you would apologize eventually, but you needed him to come to you first.

After all, he was the one acting like a child. It was almost like an interrogation of you, despite the fact you had told him countless times that you knew nothing about the Joker or Harley. Other than the two deals you made with them in your early days for some extra money, those two were wild cards.

So you sat in the absurdly big California king with decorated in a gray and black and decided to do some breathing exercises so you didn’t use the wall as a knife throwing target.

It was hours, no, more than hours before you saw your lover again. And if it wasn’t for your stomach grumbling in hunger you would’ve stayed cooped up in the room. You wandered your way into the grand kitchen, beginning to look for whatever you could.

Grabbing a cookie from a batch you had baked just the day before, you began brewing some coffee for yourself. Of course you didn’t hear Gerard walk in, since you two had begun this whole partner/dating thing he had begun picking up on some of your specialties, such as being extremely quiet. On missions and such you were thankful for it, considering his armor was quite clunky, but now you regretted it.

The two of you didn’t even acknowledge each other’s presence, despite the fact that you were only a few feet a way. It was like a silent game, but just completely ignoring each other. It was like the other person didn’t even exist.

But the tension was a whole other level. You literally felt suffocated by how tense it was. And you knew your lover felt the same. With the extremely small glances you took you were able to piece together how he was definitely a form of uncomfortable, his emotions starting to break through, which you knew they would eventually.

You decided once your drink was done to leave the room, leaving Gerard and the extreme conflict behind. Well, some of it at least. And back in your room you grew bored, fast.

You didn’t want to show your weak side, determination to not be the first to apologize flowed through your veins. So, you decided to relieve your stress the way you always did.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You heard Gerard’s voice echo through the hallway next to you. Your skintight suit hugged your body, kitten heels hitting the ground in rhythm.

“Going out.” You replied.

“In your suit?” He questioned, this time grabbing your arm tightly with his hand. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh?” You questioned, turning to him and eyeing him through your mask, “And what are you gonna do about it?”

“Don’t test me.” He warned, his voice growing deep. This time, you pulled your arm harshly from his grip, which he didn’t fight back.

“That’s what I thought.” You spat, walking off.

Patrols were not the most enjoyable thing, the only time they were was when you were stressed and needed something to take your mind off of all your problems. A relationship limiting argument between you and your boyfriend was a perfect example.

Very rarely, if ever, did big stuff happen in Gotham. Small crimes like robberies, domestic cases, so on and so forth could be dealt with by the excuse of a police department the city had to offer. You were wondering when the federal government would finally come and kick a shoe up their ass.

It was funny, Gerard with all his power, I mean being the Gerard Way (despite the fact absolutely no one knew he was Batman) still couldn’t convince major officials to bring in more backup despite his numerous requests hidden in comments within conversations. The excuse was always that Gotham didn’t need help: they had Batman.

And let’s not forget his stealthy partner who did a lot of the work as well, the wonderful Catwoman who always got overlooked by the patriarchal influences that still flushed their way into society today. You scoffed at it.

On your earpiece you heard an incoming for an “escalating situation” at one of the prisons, which was just icing on the already destroyed caked for “a bunch of dangerous prisoners just got out.” Great.

It took you less than five minutes to be at the scene, strutting in and flashing your badge. It wasn’t that you actually needed one, it was just for good measure.

You got led through the dozens of police cars lining the outside of the prison all with flashing lights and a few sirens still going, escorted by one of the main detective inside where you were met with another officer talking to the one and only man himself.

Those hazels eyes hidden well under the mask looked up and met yours, softening just a bit from the black optics of Batman’s as you approached him. “Catwoman.” He said in a stern tone.

“Batman.” You responded the same, arms crossed over your chest.

You were briefed on the situation: A bunch of highly dangerous criminals did escape and were on the loose. The police felt that they needed help because some may or may not have ties to the Joker, therefore it made it a case for you and Gerard to deal with.

“Be careful,” Gerard told you, the two of you walking side by side in the street on patrol and looking out, “I don’t want you getting hurt again.” “Please,” You scoffed, “These guys probably have guns and a destructed god complex. I don’t see a problem.” “Some of these are former Arkham patients.” He warned, “They could be dangerous. And crazy.” “Like we haven’t dealt with that before.” You reminded him, “Or more specifically me, because I could have connections, ya know?” A verbal stab for sure. He looked over and glared.

“We’re not having this conversation right now.” “So when we get home are you finally going to grow up and have one after the entirety of today?”

“I told you-” Before he could even finish the two of you were surrounded by men with guns and various other forms of highly illegal weaponry. “Shit.” He muttered.

“Yeah shit.” You responded as bullets began shooting towards you. A few of them managed to ricochet off of nearby metal beams hitting your attackers, while other nearly missed you as you managed to jump behind them. With a few solid kicks and swings you were able to disarm and knock out four or five of them, Gerard getting the other 10 of them or so considering his suit and physical ability was greater than yours.

“How many were there again?” You asked him.

“15.” He responded. You looked around, mentally counting the bodies.

“Perfect, 15.” You responded with a sigh. “Do they not know how to scatter?” He shook his head.

A deafening silence filled the car on your way home, the only thing being heard was the soft engine rumbling of the mobile. You were still going to be strong about this whole thing, despite the fact that you wanted it to be over with.

You looked around out of boredom, and down at your suit to see if there was any damage. And, well, there was more than damage. “Well, would you look at that,” You lightly laughed, looking at the left side of your torso where a big slash and blood was seeping through. You hadn’t noticed any pain or anything until you looked down.

“What the fuck?” He asked, looking down to from the road.

“Gee, pay attention to the road.” He reluctantly huffed and put his gaze back there.

“You have a huge fucking slash on your side.” “I know,” You commented, “Oh well, we’ll fix it when we get home.”

You hadn’t noticed his increase in speed or the extra few minutes he cut off as you pulled into the large and modern mansion. Before you could even step out of the car in the garage Gerard had already opened your car door and picked you up, carrying you bridal style.

“You know I can walk.” You lightly laughed, holding on to his arms, “I think it was just a bullet graze.”

“I don’t want you hurting yourself.” He placed you down on the couch, “Let me grab the first aid kit.”

He was gone for only a few moments, coming back with the kit in handy, no mask and gloves this time, with no time to remove his armor. It wasn’t a life threatening wound, that’s for sure. “May I?” He asked, motioning to the zipper on the back of your suit. It was so cute to you how he always asked, despite your years of being together. You nodded, moving your hair out of the way.

He took your suit off with ease, helping you step out despite the harsh feeling you got from the slash. Carefully he sat you back down, dabbing your wound with a bit of alcohol and making sure not to directly touch the affected area. There was a certain spot where he had to touch the wound with the cottonball. You couldn’t help but cringe and gasp at the painful feeling, shutting your eyes as it felt like your flesh was burning. “I’m sorry baby.” He commented, squeezing your thigh for support. “You’re doing so great.”

It took him only a few more minutes, and the two of you deciding stitches may be stretching it too far, for you to finally be all bandaged up. You slowly got up, Gerard coming right to you and helping to hold your hips up. “I would suggest a bath but-” “Not a good idea.” You lightly laughed, placing your head on his shoulder. “Thank you.” You mumbled.

“No problem.” He responded, kissing the top of your head. “You alright?” You nodded as he picked you up again, taking you to the bedroom to rest.

He placed you lightly on the bed while removing the covers on the side you always slept. You crawled into the open area he had created, placing your wounded body onto the sheets and covering it up. “Do you want some pajamas?” He asked, now removing some of his suit, his unbrushed and tangled black hair fell just below his eyes.

“Yeah, actually,” You lightly smiled, “If you wouldn’t mind. This sports bra is kinda tight.” He nodded, walking into your closet and grabbing some sweatpants, while walking into his own to grab an old t-shirt, knowing those were your favorite things to wear.

He gave them to you, and stood there watching to which you rolled your eyes, “C’mon now, turn around.” You instructed, his eyes went wide with a form of embarrassment, “You don’t get to see my tits, yet.” He sighed, complying with you as you slipped your bra off and shirt on in a few seconds.

You decided against pants, considering that would take a lot of extra effort. So you just pulled the covers over you, sinking back in. “You can turn around now.” And Gerard did, looking at you with the shirt on and residing to his own side of the bed next to you.

You chose a petty play next, completely ignoring him, waiting for an apology. “I’m sorry.” He said, leaning back on the frame of the bed and looking at you. You looked back at him signaling him to do more explaining, “I’m sorry for questioning your loyalty and moral of your work. I know those two things matter to you very much, and I had no right to question either of those.” You took a moment to let the words settle in.

“Thank you,” You responded, “I’m sorry for bringing up the way you work. I know why you do it and I, too, didn’t have the right to do that either.” “Thank you.” He responded, both of you taking sighs of relief as most of the tension alleviated. “I love you.” He told you next. It had taken him a full year to speak those wonderful three words to you, and whenever he said them you always cherished the way they sounded.

“I love you too.” You responded with a small smile, placing your head on his shoulder which he happily complied with.

[haloshornsinkstains]

Other Side [Songfic, slight Dabi x F!Reader]

While I’m working on Kinktober stuff and my head is a mess, here have a songfic that wouldn’t leave my damn brain for the past few weeks after I saw an animatic based on this song (The Other Side from The Greatest Showman). It just works? Also, apologies on the quirk, I was rewatching Bungou Stray Dogs and <3

CW: Female reader, alcohol, swearing, mention of unwanted groping, Endeavour is a dick... otherwise, pretty SFW

You groaned, pressing your head against the bar and gesturing to the bartender for your usual. Hearing the glass set down beside you, you looked up and smiled, taking a long drink. “Thanks Ryu.” The bartender smiled sympathetically. “Boss still a dick?” “The biggest flaming dick in Japan.” You grumbled. “They’re still keeping me on office duty. I break one creeps jaw and they trap me inside. Mirko punched a reporter and she’s still a top hero.” “Hey, it could be worse. You could be not working under the number one hero.” “No, that makes it worse.” Ryu frowned. “How?” “I hate him. I always hated him.” “Then why don’t you just leave and work for someone else.” You scowled at your glass, left hand leaving dents in the wood of the bar where it rested. “Not allowed.” “Bullshit. And stop denting my bar.” “Truth. Believe me, I’d leave if I could. But I can’t.” You sighed, lifting your hand from the wood apologetically. “Sorry Ryu. If I left I wouldn’t get to be a hero any more, even if all I do is paperwork I worked my ass off for this.” Ryu shrugged, spotting another customer signalling him out of the corner of his eye and smiling apologetically. “Sucks I guess. I’ve got people to serve, shout if you want a top up.” “Believe me, I will.”

You heard a glass set down next to you, the unmistakable heat of a body taking up the seat to your right. "Hey there princess." The voice was gravelly but so familiar. "Nope. I've had more than enough Todoroki bullshit for one day." You growled, staring daggers at your drink.  "Sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else." You turned, narrowing your eyes at the man sat next to you. "Dabi. You remember I've known you way too long to fall for your bullshit right? And I am so not in the mood." Dabi went to lift his glass, only to find it stuck to the bar, your skin giving off a faint red glow. "Come on princess, I only want to talk. We can bitch about that asshole like old times." You sagged a little, the glow fading and his glass suddenly much easier to lift. You knew he wanted more than to just talk, Dabi's talks always came with attempts to recruit you into the league or, if he was drunk or high enough on adrenaline, his bed. But he was an old friend, and one of the few people more than happy to join your Fuck Endeavour and Fuck The Hero Commission rants. Shaking your head you gestured to one of the darker tables in the back, this might have been a very shady bar but Dabi was well known enough now that even here someone might be dumb enough to try to call the pros. And you liked this place too much to see it turned to ash. 

  You both settled into your seats in the back, you nursing your whiskey with a frown. "So what did dear old dad do today?" "Existed?" You huffed. "Bitched me out for not downplaying the damage caused in one of his 'rescues' while I was writing his reports for him. Which turned into more general belittlement of my attitude, abilities as a hero, quirk… basically he covered all the bases." "You know they'll never let you leave there right? You'll be doing paperwork until you die." Dabi drawled, you glared at him. "They're keeping you there because you're too dangerous to them, you know too much and you were caught sympathising with a villain. He hates you, he won't hesitate to put you down at the first sign of defection. You're trapped." "I didn't sympathise with a villain. I just didn't disagree with all of his ideas regarding the behaviour of heroes. I didn't exactly agree with his methods, I liked Ingenium plenty thank you very much." You grumbled, swirling the amber liquid in your glass. “He was friendly, and fun.” "Still… you hit like a truck when we were kids, I'd love to see what damage you can do now." He hummed, eyes flashing bright for a second. "You could be very dangerous. So they lock you up in an office doing filing for a man that hates you like a good little minion." "You're alarmingly eloquent today." You took another sip, setting the glass down and closing your eyes with a deep sigh. "I worked my ass off to be a hero, why would I want to throw that away?" "Oh, so you enjoy being his little secretary?" Your eyes flashed, skin glowing red as his chair creaked under the sudden strain of the gravity increase. Dabi just smirked, that stupid smug look that told you he knew he'd won. "Just listen to my proposal?" You sighed, the oppressive pressure dissipating in an instant as you waved at him to continue. Maybe he'd put a new twist in the spiel this time.

"Right here, right now I put the offer out I don't want to chase you down I know you see it"  “We do this on a near weekly basis, you have quite literally stalked me to this bar, if that’s not chasing me down what is?” You scoffed and shook your head, eyes flicking to the bar while you debated how many more drinks you were going to need after this. "You run with me And I can cut you free Out of the drudgery and walls you keep in So trade that typical for something colorful And if it's crazy, live a little crazy" "Well at least you acknowledge your league is entirely batshit." "You can play it sensible, a king of conventional" "Conventional? Really? I'm wounded." "Or you can risk it all and see Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play 'Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride It'll take you to the other side 'Cause you can do like you do Or you can do like me Stay in the cage, or you'll finally take the key Oh, damn! Suddenly you're free to fly" You drummed your fingers on the table, honestly the bird metaphors were a bit weird but he was starting to sound like he had a point, which was…. Alarming. You needed to shut this down fast or you’d break.

  "Okay, my friend, you want to cut me in Well I hate to tell you, but it just won't happen So thanks, but no I think I'm good to go 'Cause I quite enjoy the life you say I'm trapped in" Dabi scoffed. "Really? Didn't sound like it five minutes ago." You shot him a glare. "Now I admire you, and that whole show you do You're onto something, really it's something Don't you know that I'm okay with this uptown part I get to play 'Cause I got what I need and I don't want to take the ride I don't need to see the other side So go and do like you do I'm good to do like me Ain't in a cage, so I don't need to take the key Oh, damn! Can't you see I'm doing fine I don't need to see the other side"

Dabi laughed, gesturing at the dingy bar and the glass in your hands with possibly the most judgemental look on his face you’d seen in years.  "Now is this really how you like to spend your days? Whiskey and misery, and parties and plays"

You sighed again, but your shoulders were sagging now and he knew he was winning. You couldn't pretend you enjoyed this any more, restrictions and abuse breaking you down into someone much easier to tempt and mould.  "If I were mixed up with you, I'd be the talk of the town Disgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns"  You huffed, waving a hand vaguely in his direction.  

"But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little Just let me give you the freedom to dream And it'll wake you up and cure your aching Take your walls and start 'em breaking Now that's a deal that seems worth taking But I guess I'll leave that up to you" He stood to leave only to find the gravity of your quirk forcing him back down. He knew then that he had won, they'd turned a hero. Shigiraki might take some convincing but that didn't matter right now. Your resolve was crumbling.

"Well it's intriguing, but to go would cost me greatly So what's in it for me?" "Freedom. You want to punch the next guy who touches you inappropriately through a building? The League won't question you for a second, and there's no paperwork." You shook your head. "You'll have to raise the price a bit more than that." "Its a big fuck you to Endeavour?" "That was weak even for you. Dick has hated me since I was, what, five? All I’m doing is giving him an excuse to come after me. He'll be after my head as soon as I leave, and as much as I’m loathe to admit it we both know he's powerful." "You get to spend all the time you want with your favourite childhood friend…" his smirk turned wicked and knowing. "No one to stop you, no questions, no hiding in the corner of a dingy bar. And I guess Shigaraki is okay.” "You play dirty, you know that right?" "Well, I am a villain." Rolling your eyes you knocked back the last of your whiskey and stood, holding out a hand to him. "Well, guess I'm pissed off enough not to care any more. Congratulations Touya, you win." Grinning Dabi took your hand, ignoring the use of his old name in favour of pulling you in for a hug. “Oh, you’re going to be amazing Princess.” “I’ve always been amazing.” You chuckled. “Take me to your leader before I change my mind.” Dabi grinned. “As you wish.” “And no burning down my favourite bar!”

The pair of you stepped outside, Dabi sending a quick message on his phone that was shortly followed by the appearance of a swirling black void. "No wonder I've never seen you on the subway." You joked, though your fingers tightened anxiously around his. "Time to move up in the world princess." He chuckled, tugging you forwards into the void. "You know I don't like...holy shit." You stepped out into a different dingy bar, several faces snapping up to look at you as you appeared. Dabi was a comforting presence at your back. “No more corners of dingy bars huh?” You murmured, shooting him a sideways glance. "Hey Dabi, what's with the midget?" You bristled. "I am not a…" "Shit, that's a pro!" The villain speaking launched at you, intent to kill flashing hot in his eyes. Already irritated and more than a little on edge you activated your quirk, watching him fall flat on his face as overwhelming gravity pulled him down. Dabi had crumpled to his knees behind you, the others struggling to move.  "Princess."  You just growled. "She's with me, with us." Dabi continued. "Princess?" With a huff you released your quirk, watching warily as the villain who'd gone to attack you pushed himself to his feet. Dabi's hand on your shoulder made you flinch but his grip was strong, somewhere between restraint and support in case wide scale use of your quirk had taken it out of you. It was hard not to appreciate the gesture, even if you felt fine. "Meet Graviton. She's… an old friend." "I didn't know you could make friends." Your head snapped around at the sound of the voice, focusing in on Shigaraki sat at the bar, watching you from between the fingers of the hand on his face. "I've got more than you creep." Dabi snapped back, fingers digging into your shoulder. You tipped your head back a little, raising an eyebrow at him.  Shigaraki scratched at his neck, eyes never leaving you. "Why is she even here? She could be a double agent."  You couldn't hold back the laugh that bubbled out at that. "Hah, no." "Why are you here?" You were glad for the dim lighting, the constant attention making a blush rise on your cheeks. "I had a really bad week, and Dabi asked nicely. Even said please." As much as you tried to be nonchalant you couldn't hide the slight tremble in your voice. Shigaraki scoffed and you finally looked away from him. "I'm sick of being stuck doing paperwork because the Heroes say so. I worked hard to get my license only to be told I'm not allowed to do anything except sit in a cage with someone I hate. Guess I finally had enough. I was told you'll let me use my power." "And she really wants to punch Endeavour in the face." Dabi added cheerfully. "Oh yeah, that too." "I trust her, and you should know by now I don't drag in just anyone." "Shigaraki, she could be useful. She has inside information and that power was impressive." The black void behind the bar spoke, startling you a little and pulling a quiet chuckle from Dabi.  "Fine. Make yourself useful, if you try to betray us I'll kill you." Shigaraki huffed, standing from his seat. "Kurogiri, I'm going back to my room." "Welcome to the League [name]."

[bounnostra]

ch. 1 || TRIAL 1.2 || SCOURGE || [ re: ORWELL, PIP, DUCK kinda, MAVERICK ]

( When the table shoots up into the air and settles to a stop, SEATTLE waves at SCOURGE, and of course they give him a brief friendly wave back. Because he’s a bro, and who are they to leave a bro hanging? )

( Very important detail. )

Moving on.

SCOURGE gives a sigh, leaning their chin in their free hand. For fuck’s sake. Some of these assholes really had no goddamn brain cells, huh? Gambit really went fucking hard on locating some total dumbasses they have to put up with? Wasn't the whole gang warfare killing game thing more than enough?

“Yeah, all that’s what I’m talking ‘bout. Thanks for owning up to it, ORWELL, I guess. I’d like to know ‘bout the towel too, but for the sake of everyone, maybe just use the goddamn sink next time.” They sound more exasperated than usual. “‘Least we know the shit in the bath is irrelevant. Saves us from thinking ‘bout it.”

When PIP speaks up with his absolutely batshit nonsense, the look on SCOURGE’s face would be most simply described as ‘with every word PIP speaks, more years get taken off their lifespan.’ Their already deep eyebags somehow manage to look even deeper.

“PIP.” They let out this deep beleaguered sigh, as if acknowledging the man is a great weight upon their existence. “Normally, I wouldn’t fucking acknowledge all the bullshit you just said ‘cause it was largely total baseless nonsense -- and I won’t for most of it ‘cause we established five goddamn seconds ago that I saw Runa two hours before so she couldn’t’ve been killed in the morning and that ORWELL put the shit in the baths. She was wearing her exercise clothes when I saw her too.”

“And as for the candles, my group tested it. Holding two candles in one hand was a bit much for even MAVERICK -- and he’s a pretty big dude. Using both hands was probably just outta necessity. Also, the candle found in the boat with Runa was taller, as if it hadn’t burned as long as the other one.”

They’re tired. Honestly, they didn’t even want to acknowledge PIP is there because, really, they’re pretty sure he’s being even more of a pain in the ass than usual on purpose. But this is still serious business -- someone still died, regardless of how much Gambit wants a good show.

“Anyway.” 

SCOURGE rolls their eyes. There’s obviously some hostility rolling off of them in waves now. Wonderful!

“Runa’s shoes had the gunk from the dock on them. There were a bunch of marks and smudges on the dock that could suggest there was a struggle, and the boat was stationed out there. It seems likely to me that she was killed out there, not on the beach or anywhere else. The killer woulda had to carry or drag her out onto the dock otherwise, and the boat definitely woulda fucking sunk or flipped if two people were fighting in it.”

“Marks on it were largely either smudges, or square-shaped marks where the normal grime had been scraped away. The squares seemed to be somewhat in pairs. I’m thinking they mighta been from someone’s shoes -- and Runa was wearing sneakers, before hers are brought up -- but anyone else got any theories on those? 

They tap on their notebook again with the pen, an idle action. To break up all these dialogue patches.

“Also. While I won’t deny it’s possible that Runa brought the candles to have some kinda bonfire shindig with the killer, I will posit that there’s no way the candles were brought down after she was killed. And that the killer handled them enough to get wax on them.”

There’s a pause as they open their notebook to a page that has writing on it, checking something.

“The towel with all the gunk on it in the ground floor guest bathrooms also had some wax on it, and it seems completely fucking asinine for them to come in, clean off the sludge, go get the candles via the elevator -- which is slow as fuck -- go back outside to do whatever the fuck with them and set up Runa in the boat, and then go back to the bathroom a second time to clean off wax. Especially in under two hours. And with nobody noticing all their back and forths.”

Another tap to the notebook, as if silently demonstrating they’re referencing whatever was written.

“Was trying to come up with a possible timeline earlier. Candles brought down, Runa is killed, killer sets her up in the boat with all the sticks and shit, cuts the boat free, goes inside to clean up. But I think you get the point.” Another pause. "Think MAVERICK might be onto something with the Runa being strangled from behind thing, by the way. Makes sense."

[notesfrome]

Wrote a thing for @thebarsondaily‘s Halloween Fic-a-Thon and it is weird as fuck. But..it has been written, so have at it, and don’t kill me too badly for this. 

one-shot; turn it all to ash pairing: rafael barba/olivia benson, past elliot stabler/olivia benson word count: 2482 words note: Complete AU and there’s nothing even remotely SVU-ish about this. What can I say, my brain = whacked. Also, I wrote this in between transits, flights and train rides (Melbourne-Kuala Lumpur-Kaohsiung-Taipei-Hong Kong-Melbourne - it was been batshit crazy the last two weeks) so I kinda want to blame that, too. Anyway, have at it.

Link to fic on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16485026

Olivia’s hands were shaking as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, trying to fasten a long, dangling earring. It took her three attempts before she could finally manage it. Placing her hands on her dressing table, she tried to even her breathing.

Hurry, Liv, hurry, she told herself. Time is ticking, time is running out.

She steadied her hand, and began to line her eyes with black eyeliner. Finishing her eye makeup, she then painted her lips a rich ruby red. Holding the final pièce de résistance – an elaborate mask fashioned with feathers, she took a deep breath, and placed the mask onto her face.

She would do anything for Rafael. Anything, and everything.

She stood outside the ritzy nightclub, clenching the front of her coat with one hand, seemingly unable to take that few steps forward. She stared at the heavy doors with eyes that were haunted, haunted with unwanted memories, of the person inside. And of what that was awaiting her, once she stepped through those doors.

But she had made her decision from the moment she retrieved the card and the mask from the hidden compartment in her drawer.

Squaring her shoulders, Olivia pushed the doors opened, and stepped into the club, fleetingly thinking that the lit interior of the establishment seeming even darker than the night beyond the doors.

She walked slowly, keeping her eyes trained ahead, scanning the room, trying to look past all the masks and costumes of the club’s patrons, trying to locate the one person that she had come to see. She caught the eye of a woman in a long red dress and a glittery gold mask, who smiled at her, head tilting suggestively. A shiver went down her spine, as she turned away, trying to calm herself, without much success.

She didn’t know how long she had been circling the room - it could be ten minutes, or it could be an hour – when she felt a hand on her bare arm. Turning around, she saw herself looking into unfamiliar blue eyes, staring at her behind a sinister yet elaborate werewolf mask.

“He’s waiting for you,” he said, nodding towards a heavy oak door, and she felt her heart sped up, skipping beats. Without acknowledging the stranger, she strode towards the door. Steeling herself to face what was about to come, she found herself involuntarily whispering a prayer, a forgotten phrase, and she nearly laughed at the absurdity of it.

She had no right to say any word of prayer.

Raising her hand, she was about to knock, and then she changed her mind. Dropping her hand, she pushed the doors opened, and walked into the room.

“Hello, Liv.”

He stood before her, leaning against his desk, a mocking smile on his lips. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Seeing him again, for the first time in almost seven years, had a certain effect on someone who had loved him before he strayed. He hadn’t changed much. He still looked the way he did, before he had left her. If there was any difference, it was his aura. He radiated a menacing darkness. A spiritual darkness. She knew that she was one of the few, that was not of them, who could sense it. Perhaps it was because she knew him too well. Or maybe it was because she had loved him once.

“Elliot,” Olivia managed to form his name, as he approached her, still smiling. He looked almost human, but they both knew he was no longer one. He raised his hand, and removed the mask from her face, resting the tips of his fingers against her cheek. She immediately flinched, almost as a reflex, and his eyes darkened considerably.

Dropping his hand, he spread out his arms in a mockery of welcoming gesture. “After seven years. Seven years without a word, Olivia. And here you are now.”

A shudder went through her. “You look well,” she said, trying to maintain eye contact. It was harder than she thought it would be, so much harder.

But she would do anything for Rafael.

“I’m very well indeed, Liv. As you can clearly see.” His lips curved again into another smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes, didn’t even come close. His eyes used to light up with his smiles.

He knew she was afraid of him, and she knew he hated it. They used to be so close. Even before they became lovers, they were best friends. And then Elliot changed, and that had been the end of everything. His straying onto the other path had been their undoing; she didn’t want what he called The Gift. It wasn’t a gift to her, it was a curse, an eternal curse and damnation. But to him, it was a gift. And she wanted no part of it, so she left him.

For a while, she lived in fear, thinking that he might pursue her. But perhaps some remnant of his love for her had remained, and he had let her go.

Elliot leaned back against his oak desk, still eyeing her. “What can I do for you?” He asked, almost politely.

This was it, this was the moment. “It’s…Rafael,” she said, and then faltered.

His eyes flickered again, a light of hatred shining through. “Rafael Barba,” he said, his voice bitter with resentment. However, his slight smile at his next words almost sickened her. “He’s going to die.”

She blanched at the word ‘die’, desperation and grief tearing through her, causing her next words to come tumbling out. “You can save him.”

Elliot let out a bark of laughter, looking amused as he lighted a cigarette and began smoking. “You want me to save him? Do you even realise what you’re asking of me?”

“I do,” she forced her voice to remain steady. She did realise it, of course. It was all that she had realised from the moment she put on the mask.

“You hated me after I converted. Would it be any different for Rafael if he is one of us?”

“I don’t hate…” she began, and then stopped. Did she hate him? No, she loved him. She never hated him, but she could never understand his reasons for being one of the Damned.

Elliot carried on speaking, smoking as he spoke. “I know what you are thinking, Liv. My gift can save him, and you wanted him to be saved.” He blew a puff of smoke into the air, and looked at her steadily. “But I offered it to you once, and you said no. It’s a non-transferable offer.”

“Elliot…”

He sniffed, lifting his hand to stop her from talking, and stabbed out his cigarette. “I can’t help you. But thanks for dropping by,” he said, his sarcasm evident.

“Please, Elliot.” She hated this, hated that she had to beg him, but there was no other choice, no other path she could take. Everything that could be done has been done. There was nothing else, but this.

Elliot’s expression softened, and for a moment, she saw a semblance of the old Elliot, the one she had loved, the one that had been her best friend. “Liv, you know that there is nothing I can do for him. In order to convert, one has to be willing. Barba hates me. He will never accept help from me.” He walked towards the door, and opened it. “Go to him, Liv,” he said, without a trace of mockery. “He doesn’t have much time left.”

“Rafa…” she said, not moving, holding her head high. “…will accept help from me.”

Elliot’s eyes widened as her words hung between them, in air that crackled with tension and electricity. She was painfully aware of what she was doing. Elliot could have her, she only wanted to save the man she loved.

Because she would do anything for Rafael.

What happened in that dark room was a blur, she would not ever want to remember it. It was something she didn’t want to dwell on, something that she knew that if she did, she would regret for the rest of her days.

She slipped into the hospital unnoticed, the night security simply did not notice her. The lift was empty when she stepped into it, and she felt her mouth curved into a smile when she saw her faded reflection on the mirrored walls. So she still had a reflection for now. That was nice to know.

The nurses ignored the shadow that flickered and streaked down the cold, sterile hospital corridors. She hurried silently to Rafael’s room. His room was cold, the atmosphere ominous and stifling, and it was as quiet as a morgue except for the occasional beep of machines hooked to him.

She stood by his bed, watching his pale but peaceful face. He looked different to her, somewhat. Elliot told her that things would seem different through the eyes of one of the Damned. This was the first time she had truly looked at anything since she left the club.

She leaned closer to the man she loved, hearing his steady breathing. Closing her eyes, she did what Elliot told her to, and she locked her mind with Rafael’s, her heart thudding furiously.

Rafa. Rafa, I love you.

He stirred, and one of the machines bleeped. She concentrated on building the link, willing for his life force to be strong enough. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, he answered.

Liv? Where are you? Where am I?

And so, she told him. She told him of all that happened – she told him why he was lying on that cold bed, what happened when that bus rammed into his Uber. She told him of her desperation at what the doctors said. She told him of her visit to Elliot, to the club, her deal with the devil, the exchange of her soul for immortality. She told him the death of her mortality and the ordeal of being reborn as one of the Damned. And she told him, again and again, how much she loved him.

There was a long silence after she was done, and she feared for his life force, as she held on to the link.

Liv…is this what you want? Is this what you truly want?

Her breath caught in her throat, tears swimming in her eyes as she looked at his pale, pale face. Paler than hers.

Yes. Yes, it is. I cannot lose you, Rafa. I can never, ever lose you.

He paused, and she felt his life force faltering, the link between them weakening.

Come with me, she begged. Come with me. She touched his cheek, and it was cold. As cold as her immortal skin. Time was running out.

He sighed, a resigned sound. So be it. Take me then, Olivia.

Relief swept over her as she heard his words, and she bent over him, fangs bared to his throat. Rafael would be saved. They would have to live a cursed life, but they would be together. They would be together, and as long as she had him, that would be enough.

And then something happened.

She couldn’t do it.

You have to hurry, Liv. I can’t hold on any longer.

She realised that she was no longer the Olivia he knew, not anymore. She would never be that person again.

But she still loved him. She would do anything for Rafael. Anything.

But this.

She backed away, tears spilling over, her breath coming out in ragged sobs. She didn’t know that vampires could cry, she though they were without emotions. But her tears kept coming.

“Rafa,” she whispered. “Rafa, I love you. I love you so much.”

With that, she severed the link between them, and watched as the machines started beeping faster and eventually stopped. She watched, hidden, as nurses ran into the room and started useless procedures of revival and finally covered his beautiful face with a white sheet. As they left the room, she approached Rafael’s cold body, and pulled back the sheet.

He looked peaceful in death. Peace was something that she would never know again. Something in her broke, shattered completely, and she would never, ever be the same again.

“Goodbye,” she whispered, pressing a kiss onto his cold lips. “We will never meet again. Not in this lifetime, not in the next, not in this world.” They were going completely different places. Where Rafael’s soul would go, was no longer a place Olivia could enter.

She turned, and fled the hospital room.

She stood at the ledge of the hospital roof, her gown fluttering in the wind, where she could see almost nothing but dots and speckles that represented cars, and other people. Those who still lived. She wasn’t planning to jump; she doubted that the plunge could kill her.

What happened in that instant she was about to make him what she was? She closed her eyes, trying to calm the surge of thoughts in her head.

In the end, she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t subject the one she loved to this dark world that she was now part of. She could condemn herself, condemn herself to hellfire and eternal damnation, but she could not condemn Rafael. She could not bring herself to save him from Death and in return, gave him a fate that was worse than Death.

In her moment of confusion and desperation, she had allowed herself to think that she could change the future. She thought that Elliot could save Rafael. And there could be a happily ever after them, even if they would never walk in the light again.

There was little cause to go back to her former existence. The elements that spurned the life force of the former Olivia Benson no longer existed. Her salvation, her beloved and her life.

Her condemnation was completed; she was a creature of the night, cursed to roam the nights, endless nights until time stopped. She would live with the knowledge that she could not be saved from the depths of eternal hell.

As she looked up the heavens and stars above, wondering if she still had the right to do so, her last tears spilled out of her eyes. After tonight, there would be no more reason for her to cry, or to feel any sort of emotion. She focused on the stars, and wonder if Rafael’s soul was among them, wondering if he could see her.

She hoped not.

She stood up, and her mask fell from her hand, tumbling down to the street below, and with it, the final vestige of who she was. There would be a new life for her. She was bound to Elliot, her Creator, who would teach her how to live her new life. One of the Damned.

Olivia Benson is dead.

[rantdressing]

My Fucking High School Crush

Well guess who still has a fucking crush on a girl he knew in high school????????? Me. It really sucks ass on a whole new level. She lives around the corner from where I work, which sucks even bigger ass. It mostly sucks ass because for one, her older brother who was my friend in high school hates my fucking guts. I don’t even know what I done that was so wrong to him. We haven’t spoken since high school but in my defense, in high school he didn’t really think of me as being one of his main friends, I was sort of his filler friend and I was pretty much everyone’s filler friend. The other reason that still having a crush on this girl sucks is that I don’t think she likes me. She’s 2 years younger than me and she already has a kid, a baby girl. Normally, I avoid women with kids but in this case, I would treat this kid like one of the 2 most precious jewels in existence, alongside her beautiful mother. I am pretty sure my crush on this girl borders in to the L.O.V.E side of things right now. 

We first met in high school, I was in grade 10 and I had just started to become friends with her brother. I can’t actually remember how me and her became friends. My first memory of her is when she walked up to me while I was standing behind all my friends because their wasn’t space in their stupid friendship circle for the loser who stood in the tuckshop line for 30 minutes getting them the food they asked me to buy for them. I was just chilling, getting my earphones out so that I could listen to music like I always did when this girl walks up to me out of nowhere and asks, “Why are you so chatty when we text but at school you ignore me?” I look at her and with my awkward and soft voice(my voice is actually not soft, I just speak softly), I respond, “I d-don’t know.” I then immediately put my head down and stare at the floor. She then said something like, “Well you need to speak more often.” Something like that. At the time, I developed strong feelings for her, real fucking quick because she was pretty damn awesome. I had a problem though, I didn’t want to get too close to my friends sister, because I didn’t want him to be mad at me. Yes, that’s right. I was too scared of a guy who didn’t even think that much of me so I decided against spending more time with this girl. Additionally, other girls who were in my grade caught my eye. For the rest of high school, I only had a small crush on her(it seemed small because I always tried to ignore it). 

When I finished high school, the first time I saw her post-high school was at this shop around the corner from my old high school, the one she still went to. I was with my brother and he was buying cigarettes while I waited in his car. I looked especially stupid that day because I shaved the hair on my top lip because the hair on my top lip was super thin and I wanted to thicken it up so it could match up with the thickness of the rest of my beard. The thing is, I didn’t shave my whole beard, just the top lip. I looked like I was getting ready for an audition for Breaking Amish. Even worse, I was growing my hair so I looked like an Amish bear, a fucking Amish bear. To my “luck” the car to my immediate left had 2 people in it, a fairly good looking guy, and the girl of my dreams. She noticed me the minute I looked at the car, which on one hand was flattering because I looked horrible and on the other hand it made me question exactly how ugly I looked in high school. She came over to my brothers car and as always, I was lost for words. Not because it was her who I was talking to, no, at the time and for about 2-3 years after high school, I had no idea how to talk to anyone. My conversational skills were shitty. I don’t even remember what she said to me but I remember that she eventually walked away because she wasn’t getting much out of me. That was the last time I’d see Shernay for a while.

Fast forward a few years, I end up getting a job around the corner from where she still lives. At this point in time, I am fully aware that she is the greatest person I’ve ever known. The last time I saw her in person was a few months ago, I decided to shoot my shot and try to reconnect with her. Thanks to modern day advances in social networking, all I had to do was re-activate my Facebook account and go to my friends list to find her. I found her and to my pure joy, Shernay still had Facebook. I messaged her to see what’s up and she was doing fine. My office was celebrating someone’s birthday so we had cake but the people in my office are all about that diet life so they didn’t want to finish the cake, which was great for me because now I had a reason to visit her: I would be bringing the gift of chocolate caramel cake! Oddly though, she told me not to tell her brother or anyone that she spoke to me. I was a little baffled by that but I let it go, I was about to speak to her again after all these years...I was fucking excited! I get to her house, and I’m immediately greeted by her brother. I don’t even get a smile from this guy and from the get go his vibe is weird, he’s not the same dude I remember from high school. I try to speak to him but his very blunt and his smile is forced and obviously fake. I don’t really care much because I came her for one person, his sister. I get to his front door and I’m still not greeted by the sister, this time I’m greeted by their grandmother. I’m sort of disappointed at this point but not too disappointed because boy oh boy, I know who should be here and it’s sending shockwaves to my heart and my penis. After I greet the grandmother, literally appearing around the corner like the fucking blessing she is, Shernay appears! I don’t think words can express how badly I wanted to fucking hold this girl and also stare at her. I didn’t want to speak, I just wanted to hold her and stare at her, maybe I also kind of wanted to confess my undying love for her too but I didn’t want her to think I was still a batshit weirdo. We hugged for a few seconds and we said hi and I gave her the cake. As soon as we was about to start talking, her brother who was standing behind us says, “Let’s go outside and talk.” I’m like, “Yeah sure, let’s go.” I went from being the happiest I’d been in a while to being filled with pure dread. I didn’t even know what was eating at him. Was it that I hadn’t bothered to speak to him in years? That’s it really, that’s the only thing I could think of. I was expecting him to absolutely hammer me but nah, we sit outside his front door by a set of table and chairs and this motherfucker sits there dead quiet and staring at me with a faint smile on his face as if to say, “What do you have to say about after all these years?” Fucking hell, I done most of the talking and this guy barely even said anything, he mostly just acknowledged what I was saying with simple “okays” and head noddings. In all honesty, I was trying to get the convo with him over and done with so I could hang out with Shernay but the vibe I was getting from this guy was so fucking dull and awkward that I decided to not waste this guys time anymore and decided to say bye bye. What was meant to be a sick ass reunion turned in to a lame fest that sucked. I went in to his house to say my bye bye’s and Shernay was chilling inside with her baby. I said bye to them as well as their grandmother and their grandmother told me that I should come over again because it was nice having me there. I really wanted to know what she meant since I didn’t even speak to her or Shernay but I wanted to get the fuck out of there so I simply smiled and lied by telling her I would definitely comeback. I told them they were also free to visit me at my office and they lied back by saying they’d come see me in action. I left and when I got back to the office, I messaged Shernay on Facebook and asked her what her brothers problem was with me. I assume she was covering up for him because she gave me this whole story about how her brother has been acting weird since he hung out with another friend of his a week prior to our reunion. I told her that it sucked having to end the reunion like that because I really wanted to speak to her and I gave her my number and asked her to WhatsApp me. She didn’t reply, and it sort of broke my heart, not completely because for all I knew, maybe she simply ran out of data or Facebook stopped working in her house. She never did reply but she once sent out one of those WhatsApp messages where you send the same message to all of your contacts. This made me real fucking happy because it meant that she saved my number. I didn’t text her though. I simply didn’t think she liked me so I didn’t see the point.

Fast forward to the present. Shernay messaged me on Instagram asking me if I still worked in real estate. Thank God I still do but sadly, I’m still not sure if she likes me or not so I didn’t reply with any type of vigour or enthusiasm. I replied to her like she’s just another fucking client and it’s pisses me the fuck off. It makes me mad that she still doesn’t know I really fucking like her. If she were to ask me to marry her, there’s a good chance I’d probably say yes. I have also just learned that I need to get a fucking grip on my emotions and I need to learn when to say dramatic shit like that. She is looking for a 2 bedroom unit in the area I work in but I’m not allowed to work the area she was looking at because my colleague works this area. How fucking convenient-_-. Luckily, when I told Shernay this, she said she didn’t mind and would be willing to look in the areas I work in. Unfortunately the only 2 bedroom unit I have for her is being cleaned and fixed up because it’s previous tenants were fucking psycho’s! All my other units are 1 bedroom apartments in this dope ass golf estate. Shernay said she would let me if she would like to take a look at them as she was already leaning towards another place she has already seen. Now I can take this in one of two ways. The first way is that she simply wanted to hangout with me and needed to find a viable excuse, this is the option I am hoping for. The second one if that she simply doesn’t really like the place she might be choosing and she wanted to see what else was available and she only contacted me because she trusts me, which is nice but not the option I’m going with. I have decided that if she does take the place she told me about, I will ask her out. Just knowing that she will be moving a fair distance away from my offices and the place I stay has given me a new level of confidence. Yes I know I could simply just text her now and shoot my shot but I’m sorry, she lives too close and I’m not confident enough in the fact that she may even have ever had a crush on me and she may not even like me now. So yes, if she moves the fuck away from me I will ask her out so that if she does turn me down, I will not have to worry about bumping in to her on the streets. This shit is really getting me going.

So there, this will either be how I finally ask my soulmate out or it will be the first time I ever truly confess my feelings for a girl and she rejects me and spits on my face.

[amazingviralinfo]

Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston lied to us.

Let me start off by clarifying I’m not saying Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston don’t love each other. Far be it from me to make that judgment.

That’s not my call, that’s not TMZ’s call, that’s not their PR reps’ calls. It’s barely even Taylor and Tom’scall, to be honest. What they feel toward each other is their business and their business alone.

What I am saying is, as far as I can tell, the early days of their relationship were,without a shadow of a doubt, staged. I can’t speak for everything else they’ve done since late June, but the first 10-ish days of their public relationship had a higher production value than most James Cameron movies.

Those cute lil’ private-but-totally-not-meant-to-be-totally-private dates, making out on rocks in Rhode Island and casually strolling into a Selena Gomez concert, never existed.

Instead, we were fed a well-constructed photo narrative, (probably) pieced together by a team of publicists and hired photographers who wanted us to see this relationship as something besideswhat it actually was:fake.

Hadiri acara konser Selena Gomez di Nashville, Tennessee, Tom Hiddleston & Taylor Swift makin hot aja#CallMeSally pic.twitter.com/OMpAX5fAm5

— Maverick Avenue (@MaverickAvenue) June 27, 2016

I’m far from the first person to suggest they aren’t actually dating. The two of them together make such an oddly unbelievable pair that since the beginning of their relationship the internet has called bullshit on literally everything they’ve done.

It’s hard to put your finger on it exactly, but there is just something off about them — they’re too flawlessly happy and picturesque. Looking at pictures of them is like touring a Scientology church and being spooked byhow nice everybody is.

Their not being togetherhas all been speculation, though. I mean, you could argue any time they are photographed it looks less like they’ve been ambushed by paparazzi and more like they were posing for a Lands’ End catalogue, but what does that really prove aside from the fact they’re maybe just the two most photogenic people of all time?

You need hard factual evidence, and this is the first time there has ever been any.

In order to explain this, we need to break down the early days of their romance into four sections.

Section 1: The Mid-MayMeet-Cute

Rumors surfacearound the web of a possible Tiddleston relationship. Calvin and Taylor are broken up. Tom is single, and the two are caught dancing miserably at the MET Gala.

It’s the perfect storm of events to lead to speculation.

Section 2: Mid-June SmoochFest

Then it happens. On June 15, we get our first looks at the couple.

Pictures surface of Tom and Taylor sitting on a beach, getting cozy and throwin’ their mouths at each other.

Section 3: A Few Days Later in Nashville

Taylor Swift holds hands with Tom Hiddleston after Selena Gomez concert https://t.co/m0SKH0ubWG pic.twitter.com/JUP7CAoEBH

Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) June 22, 2016

Taylor Swift holds hands with Tom Hiddleston after Selena Gomez concert - https://t.co/y8qRugw09G #GoogleNewsTmh pic.twitter.com/4rsCBWI2Zc

— mochipuny (@mochipuny) June 26, 2016

On June 21, Tom and Taylorare photographed walking into a Selena Gomez concert. Inside, there are cell phone pictures taken of them dancing, but the main pics getting circulated around are taken outside of the venue.

Section 4: ACasual Trip to Rome

A week later, they take their ROME-ance to the next level. (Rome is that level. They go to Rome. You get it.)

OK, now that you have a brief understanding of their relationship history, you shouldprobably be aware of one thing.

Every professionally shot, seemingly candid “paparazzi” photo of them from the time they were caught in Rhode Island until just before Rome WAS RELEASEDBY THE SAME COMPANY.

The. Same. Effing. Company.

After days of tracking down every picture from the early stages of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston being a thing, I can confidently say, as far as I can tell, this random distributor called The Image Direct is the only company that had picturesof them during the formative days of their relationship.

Aka: Taylor Swift’s people hired (or cut a deal) with a photo team to have them follow her and Tom around and shoot these choreographed scenes.

There was nothing candid or natural about the early days of their romance. Her team gave you the story they wanted to you to seeand lied about the way you perceived them as a couple.

The Image Direct being the only company to organically obtain those pictures is almost impossible.

For one group to get lucky and snag the first shots of a mega-couple like Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston making out is like hitting the paparazzi lottery. To believe that same group hit the jackpot again in a completely different state at a public venue is batshit crazy.

If you’re still skeptical, then consider this for a second.

Let’s say the crafty people at The Image Directdid get the natural scoop over every other photo agency through pure luck. Let’s say they did fight the odds and end up having photographers in the same place as Taylor Swift andTom Hiddleston twice in a row.

There is no way in hell you’re going to convince me they were lucky enough to not just obtain pictures of the most financially lucrative photographic moments in recent Taylor Swift history, but also capturethe amount of “clean shots” they were able to without inside help.

The only pictures of Taylor and Tom not released from The Image Direct before June 23 were these.

Taylor Swift has a romantic dinner with new boyfriend Tom Hiddleston https://t.co/rbyCw6P5nu pic.twitter.com/o2ikkXpnAj

— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) June 24, 2016

(Like a billion other problems with this relationship, we’ll ignore how Taylor clearly sat in the front of the restaurant so she could be caught eating with Tom. That’s a whole other discussion. Just, like, be aware of that.)

Those photosare not good pictures by any stretch of the imagination. They’re all grainy and look like they’ve been taken from the 50th floor of a building two miles away.

Compare thoseto this shot from The Image Direct.

That picture is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. It’s like looking at the concept of a Princesong.

The Image Directcouldn’t keep the exclusive photos forever, though. Taylor and Tom are just too big of a couple, and by the time theytook a trip to Rome, there were other agencies and photographers competing for photos.

It should be noted, though, even in Rome The Image Direct was still somehow scoring the best pictures. Other agencies did snag some shots, but they were not as good as the ones from The Image Direct.

Taylor Swift With her boyfriend Tom Hiddleston InRome https://t.co/iarbcXGhLf pic.twitter.com/kg5r7M9M4P

— Celebzz (@celebzz_a) June 29, 2016

If you were going to fake a relationship, this is exactly how you do it. You hire paparazzi to take paparazzi-esque photos and treat them like “leaked” information.

Looking at these photos and following their timeline is like reading a textbook or watching a TED Talkon how to trick the general public into thinking someone is in the midst of a storybook romance.

Why, though? Why are Taylor and Tom faking this? I understandcelebs date all the time, but there has to be clear motive.

For starters, this is a no-brainer for Tom Hiddleston. His career isn’t exactly on the upswing at the moment with “The Night Manager” ending and Loki kind of over.

There has long been speculation he’s up to be the next 007, and his dating Taylor has definitely super-chargedhis Google search numbers. Extra buzz around his name could be the one thing that propels him closer to becoming the next James Bond.

Taylor probably isn’tdoing thiswithout her own motivations, either.The way I see it, shehas two major things to gain from them going out.

First off, she was able to control the narrative with their faux-lationship. She’s not being strung along like a heartbroken teen like with Calvin Harris. Instead, she took control of her next boy toy and proudly marched her wayinto her next fling.

Plus, from every basic’s perceptive — and Taylor is the queen of the basics — Tom Hiddleston is the evolved form of Calvin Harris. He’s the Blastoiseto Calvin Harris’ Squirtle. He’s a British dude with some semblance of fame and a sexy accent that’s wayyyy more mature. Calvin 2.0, if you will.

Since she stopped doing everything with 1989, Taylor has been on a quest to mature her image.

Another thing she did to mature her image? Deciding to slowly morph into Tilda Swinton.

Secondly, and more obviously, Taylor is probably not super far away from a new album or talks of a new album happening. This is the perfect low-stakes relationship for her to get into, putz around in for a bit and then publicly end.

Let’s just be very clear about one thing: The idea of celebs being in cahoots with the paparazzi is nothing new. Celebs and their publicists tip off photographersall the time.

It’s a weird, shadowy symbiotic relationship never really acknowledged by either side, but it’sa cornerstone of the industry.

The difference here is it’s not just one picture or one event. It’s a whole story that was built and delivered as reality.

I’ll leave it to you to decide what this all means. She isn’t exactly a stranger to lying about major life events *cough* KANYE *cough cough* so the idea behind her fabricating another piece of her life is not out of the realm of possibility.

Sooooooo, what gives, Taylor?

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