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[pitchforkhead]

It feels so strange, that half of my personality is explained by having a chronic disorder and I had no idea about it...

[thediamondarcher]

I got back from the psychiatrist and oh my

[inseparabiles]

I think writing the fic has cured us. Never had this much fun with the last half an hour of the movie. YES, Cara, name your fucking monkey your first consul responsible for military and civil affairs of the Empire. Fuck those other guys, Dondus has this covered. GAMES AND MASS EXECUTIONS let's fucking go!

Macrinus getting banged in the face with a rock? Eviscerated? Dunked into the ditch to rot? What a time to be alive. Eat shit you fucking garbage man. This is what you get for hurting people.

Ravi you're a beautiful underappreciated angel. I hope your children know that you're a hero.

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[baorisa-hieroglyphica]

FEELS NICE to finally feel comfortable posting on tumblr again without the distinct feeling of having hundreds of ppl looking at me posting casually about stuff :D

[nedsseveredhead]

About that advice you posted about willing things, whenever i get nervous or afraid, i just chant to myself "its gonna be ok" over and over (the louder i chant the more nervous i am lol) it always works! And it makes me feel better

Yes!!! In this house we support faking it till ya make it! Whats the use of overworrying when things are just as likely to turn out in our favor!

[groupwest]

urghh. reading people’s POTS diagnosis stories all morning

[yousaytomato]

I do wish I could stop worrying about work recently 😭

[squwhims]

Venting a bit because normally I have the temperment of Jesus Christ himself (I say that in a non religious way btw) but I am FUMING right now.

I'm not going to air all my laundry out on the tumblr clothesline, but 2024 was a rough year. Developed new patterns of distorted thinking and somatic obsessions that I have never experienced to this severity before. Had to get emergency help because I genuinely thought I was going crazy. Got eleven therapy sessions with a wonderful woman who, albeit, didn't exactly aid my issues at hand, but she did improve my weeks in some way, so it was worth it. Once those eleven therapy sessions (Damon Baker the chokehold you have on me...) were done, she did work behind the scenes trying to connect me with other sources of help.

She got me to test out group therapy/anxiety seminars. Did one session where everyone was forty years older than me and dealing with the after-effects of alcoholism and their dwindling relationships with their kids. Never went to that again because I had no place there and felt so belittled because I was lumped in with the people who could not tell an emotion, physical feeling, or thought apart. Felt so infantilised by the people running it, not that they were intending to make me feel that way. It was just how I was perceiving it. Like, bro, half of the problem is that I am so self-aware. I CAN TELL MY PHYSICAL FEELINGS, EMOTIONS, AND THOUGHTS APART.

We went back to the drawing board and my temporary therapist got me connected with another place and told me, "you're gonna have to use professional diagnosis terms on your intake phone calls and you are going to have to pass trials to get into this thing because it is tough" so like— OKAY?!?! She described these phone calls as if I was going on a quest, and she would no longer be able to follow me past a certain point. I AM ON THIS QUEST HAVING TO BE THE SAM TO MY FRODO ALL ALONE!!!

Do my first phone call to get referred to basically the boss battle phone call, and it goes great! The woman I spoke with on the phone unloaded all her baggage onto me. Baggage such as: as an older woman, using the computer system is so confusing, especially after the New Years updates they had. She is also retiring in four months now and has ADHD and described to me her whole process of writing things down and organising her files. She was scared she pronounced my name wrong (she didn't), and she explained how her name always gets mis-pronounced because she has a very french name. I loved learning all these little facts about her, but— I THOUGHT WE WERE HERE TO TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS??? Did the therapy intake lady think SHE was on the phone with a therapy intake lady??? Anyway, I'm glad I could be there for her.

Anyway, phase two of my uphill battle commences and I have a phone call with the big guns. I am on the phone with this new woman who is not as personable as the lady who told me her whole life story, and she doesn't make me feel good about myself the was my eleven session therapist did. I feel sus vibes.

I describe all the issues and answer all her questions. She says that I definitely only have anxiety/health anxiety (so being aware of every breath I've taken since late August is only anxiety? The habit cough I have?) (Giving her the benefit of the doubt because maybe she is right and these fixations are just anxiety caused, but I have them even when I am not truly anxious) (but also am I ever not truly anxious?? Idk, man. It's been a loooonnnngg 12 years in this body), and that she has some options for treatment. Both options are phone call sessions with a coach...phonecall sessions with a coach...after ai specifically requested in person discussions? Okay... again, benefits of the doubt given, maybe there really is nothing available. The mental health system AND HEALTH SYSTEM IN GENERAL in Canada is not great. No... we've got that whole doctor shortage going on where you are kind of just offered, "...kill yourself?? That might be the best option idk..."

H-here...just...just look at booklet #1 that I have to go through today with my "coach" on the phone...

Like, am I overreacting by being upset about this being what is going to help me stop feeling like I am losing control of my body? Am I reacting emotionally to this by perceiving it as condescending? Like, I'm sorry, but what the actual fuck is this?? Treat me like a grown adult please. I feel like I'm four goddamn years old right now, and my teacher is consoling me after I pissed my pants.

Anyway...can't wait for 11:30. I am not doing the workbook because it offends me on a deeply personal level, and I am going to wing it because I don't need some WORKBOOK guiding me on how to make plans. I white-knuckle my way through my to-do list rain or shine EVERYDAY.

[sylvanfreckles]

I mean, we had a Where's Waldo book that my mom glued together the Halloween pages because it had witches and devils and that didn't "glorify God".

I was allowed to read Nancy Drew, but only the books written before like 1970 because they got "weird" after that lmao.

I was only allowed to read LOTR and Narnia because Tolkien and Lewis were religious, anything else with magic "wasn't glorifying God".

When my brother got a Gargoyles toy in a kid's meal he had to keep it outside because it looked "demonic" and might bring demons into the house.

If a story dealt with premarital sex, being disrespectful to authority figures, lying, stealing, divorce, unfaithfulness to your spouse, etc (except to say those things were Bad) we weren't allowed to read it.

We also weren't allowed to say "awesome" because "only God is awesome". Or butt! Because it was disrespectful, I think? Also shut up was a no-no.

Then there was the time my mom diagnosed me with PMDD and gave me vitamin D pills to fix it (she has nothing that even approximates a medical degree, and she never took me to the doctor for it, just heard someone describe the symptoms and decided that was what was wrong with me). Or the time she diagnosed me with manic-depressive disorder and decided I needed to go to Bible study to learn how to control my emotions. Or the time she fixed my anger issues by yelling "the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God" at me every time I had a "temper tantrum".

Anyway, I was homeschooled so banned books weren't an issue, but I can guarantee they would have been if I'd gone to public school.

I couldn't even get regular teen magazines because there was a risk they'd have something about sex in them, I had to get the Christian ones. Wouldn't have made any difference to me, since I'm as ace as a deck of cards with the other forty-eight missing!

*reasonable restrictions are ones you consider fair for your own safety or wellbeing, especially for things like graphic depictions of violence in relation to your age at the time (i.e. "you can read this when you're older")

not sure if books you read were banned? here is a archive of the top 10 most banned/challenged books from 2001-2022, hosted by the American Library Association

as well as the Wikipedia page for the Most Commonly Challenged Books in the United States

Wikipedia page for Books Banned by the Government, organized by region/country

[lacefuneral]

fixed it:

Love how ADHD, autism and schizophrenia objectively have the same amount of traits and experiences in common, but schizophrenics aren't welcome in the metaphorical club house because they're bad for the image the neurodivergency movement is currently trying to capitalize on and with "love" I mean fuck y'all

[pronouns-they-slay]

Getting anxious because you can’t find your benzos is a ridiculous, but real issue.

[pepsimaxxing]

this is what it feels like taking 1800 mg of gabapentin every morning