#ants know how to farm apparently

[1lizard-onemonkey]

Alright, found out that Death Angels do use what they kill to fertilize the fungus

Great

The aliens know how to farm

But what'll happen once they kill everything and can't fertilize the fungus

Well, it can still grow, just without help, the fungus was on the asteroids for as long as the Death Angels

They probably killed immediately once they landed for the purpose of getting people fertilizer right away, if not to get rid of noise

But Frodo was eating the fungus too!

What's gonna happen to him?

What's it gonna do?

[thesassymarquess]

Did you find your missing baby?

Not yet. Kulet is still missing. I admit my schedule has been rough for playing DF as of recent, and my most recent time has been spent on a new fort (The Sea Adventure, a Sinister Ocean/coastal embark). Kulet is from my 4th Fort (Idk the name it was too long). Short summary of my forts though:

1st Fort, Bustmoment: -Tutorial embark. Went fine initially, set up large bedroom complex, good dining hall, and food/alcohol production. Decent traps for surface entrance. Lack of understanding of how Fortifications work lead to bad usage of them, and ultimately made the surface defenses scary to operate. Meanwhile I breached the first cavern layer and only the first, and got involved in a nasty war on Olm people, that kept dragging my dwarves into the lake. Eventually after losing a major military engagement, I dropped the save and made a new world. (I didn't know about Retirement at the time)

2nd Fort, Steelfortress: -The infamous war on birds started here. Embark was a neutral badlands with high savagery & a light aquifer. Aquifer posed no challenge and I was within a year having settled with all three caverns pierced, and a decent magma forge set up. Traps and such were more aggressively deployed, and there were more than a few battles (Internally referred to as the "Great Cavern Wars" against Ant-People) to carve out certain areas underground for farming. Ultimately what drove me to abandon this fort was a 9 month long battle against giant flying agitated wildlife. During that I built up a decently large and armored military, which while incapable of fending off the birds, was apparently itching for World Domination. (More on that later. Though also on another post of mine)

3rd Fort, "Lake of Something" (Name forgotten again): -Having felt a High Savagery was too much & Light aquifers too easy, I searched for a heavy aquifer and got a lake location I liked. After starting the first year, and trying to dig down, I almost immediately hit the heavy aquifer and got stuck for over a year trying to get things stable, and set up a method to pierce the aquifer before beginning to build the fort proper. Unlike the previous forts which had surface trading depots, I decided to move this one underground. Like other forts before and after, I then began to quickly dig towards the bottom, and set up small areas within each cavern to work in, or blocked them off after discovering them. Ultimately nothing particularly notable happened that sticks out in memory, but the fort was ultimately abandoned due to the Cave Adaptation fix update rolling around. Knowing most dwarves had likely developed it in this fort, I decided to take a break from Fortress mode, and play some Adventure mode.

(Which I decided to retire my second fort, as my save of it was in the worst condition of the three, and I originally wanted to retire the fort by "Succumbing to internal invaders" or similar but a standard retirement was an option and I viewed as more desirable)

4th Fort, Gooddesert the Fortress of Mines: -After playing around in Adventure Mode in the 2nd fort's world, I got an itch to start a new fort again, and was talking with my brother. We ultimately came to pick a fort in a Good and Neutral biome cross between "Desert?", badlands and Grasslands. Among world history, as it shares a previous fort, I decided to embark from that Civ again. Just to find out when the Liason came by, that 2 of my 3 dwarven neighbors were at war with me. Going through Legends mode further told me it was my Civ that seemed to have started the war, with all attacks coming from my prior fortress after I retired it. The whole time I was trying to rescue kidnapped children from Goblins in Adventure Mode, it turns out my fort was just attacking EVERYBODY. I played this one until around 1-2 weeks ago, when I began wanting to try messing with some mods for the first time.

4.5th fort, Some volcano Fort I think?: -I had a friend over and I was talking about DF, as you do, and he got curious about the game and wanted to see what it was like. So I booted the game up, showed world gen, we picked an embark, and then retired it to go to it in Adventure Mode. We then made an ideal character for him, and then foolishly rolled up a Worm Man with over 100 pet worms, and crashed the game. I haven't talked with said friend yet, and was gonna play in that world when talking with them.

5th Fort, The Sea Adventure: -That leaves us with our current fort. It's a sinister oceanic embark, and I brought a few adventurers there, including a Dwarf-me, a dwarf-version of my brother, and an anomalocaris (one of the mods) woman of one of my roommates (And their cat as a pet cat, who died to Goblins). Originally the plan was to grow Sliver Barbs & catch Precambrian Arthropods for an aquarium, but I don't know how to do the later half. The Roc attacks have been on this fort.

[hekates-corner]

Apothecary Diaries | WN Translation | Arc 9 - Chapter 12

Hey, whichever way you found this: Welcome!

For a couple of reasons I ended up here - I relay all that happens in the chapters, playing wine-aunt, as I translate to the best of my abilities.

So, be warned, all the spoilers are waiting down below. Want spoilers - but less? My dm's/asks are open!

New here? Here's the Masterlist.

Enjoy!

Chapter 12 | Farming

For the next two days, Maomao and the others helped Nenshin with his work.

Which was pretty close to the answer Maomao was looking for.

Narrator-Mao leads us through the explanation that, after putting the hoe in the ground and turning over the damp soil, they found worms, ants and small beetles - as well as long masses/clumps, where a closer look revealed that they were eggs/egg masses.

The chicken that had been pecking at the worms then pecked at the egg mass. In her head she wonders “Locust eggs?”

As narrator she lets us know that she would’ve liked to calculate how many there were per tan, but that she didn’t have the time to do that. Once she found an egg the chicken had missed, she picked it up and put it in a jar.

In her mind she notes how many there must be.

Narrator-Mao goes on talking about how people who hate insects would go crazy about this, even if the contents of her jar are still few. Despite being used to dissecting locusts, it’s not something she wants to see or likes either.

Meanwhile she lets us in on the fact that Lahan-nii, the expert farmer, had a special way of holding the hoe - while Basen had his incredible strength and how different the amount of soil is they have to dig up.

In her head she’s just glad that Basen is doing things right.

Narrator-Mao tells us that she’d been worried he’d refuse, because it’s not the job of a soldier, but apparently she was lucky that Jinshi cared about locusts quite a bit. So, Basen quietly helped her.

Thanks to that, she fills us in, the guards and farmers they’d brought along were also helping her. It looks like they’ll be done with the digging by the end of the day.

In addition, Chue - who had joined before they knew it - was moving around near the two of them, collecting locust eggs. Two children were behind her. They’re the siblings that ate the roasted sweet potato - and they seem to think that if they help they’ll get more of them.

“Maomao-san, there are a lot of them, would you like to see them?”

“Chue-san, I don’t want to see them. If it’s mantis eggs, I’ll take it.”

Mantis eggs, she tells us, are used as a medicine called Sohyosho. Since it can’t be acquired in large quantities, it’s quite valuable. (that’s real btw)

“The eggs here are about to hatch. A small one’s coming out.”

“It’s already spring, isn’t it?”

One generation of flying locusts is as long as 3 months, starting march. It's said that they lay about 100 eggs each at a time. This is what was written in the encyclopedia that was in the Shi clan’s fortress. Those born in spring lay new eggs in summer.

They don’t breed all year round, and at this time of year, the eggs laid in the fall are hatching. The eggs are laid hidden in the ground, exposed by akiko/autumn plowing - and once exposed, they become food for birds and small animals.

Maomao wonders, in her mind, if Lahan (the actual one) hadn’t said that before.

Narrator-Mao notes something about him having mentioned rat/mousecalculation.

One pair of mice births 12 children - making the total 14. Of those 12 children, 6 females and the mother bring 7 more pairs into the world - from which, each of them births another twelve.

Of course, this formula is just a theoretical calculation. Not everything grows without dying.

If the number of locusts were to increase in the same way as this rat-calculation, it will be important to reduce the number at an earlier stage.

She calculates in her head that a mass of locust eggs is about 100, 100 times ten is 1000, 100 times 100 is 10.000.

Narrator-Mao goes on that, if they were to get rid of them now, they could lower the amount of locusts appearing later by many times - and that it seems locusts lay their eggs in areas that are moist to some degree.

She thinks that, since there’s a river nearby and plenty of grass to feed on, this area is the perfect spawning ground.

Then notes as narrator that the reason why they (villagers) didn’t dare to cultivate a field is probably to attract locusts.

At that point Nenshin approaches her, a glass of locust eggs in hand.

“Now all that’s left to do is burn them.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Ah. Last year I missed a lot of locusts because I was late with this.”

Narrator-Mao recalls that a farmer of this village had also said that they had a lot of damage from locusts the year before.

“Was the yield quite small?” She asks and Nenshin nods.

“We don’t have any savings, just what we eat. If we pay taxes, we’ll starve. We would no longer be able to afford to buy daily necessities from peddlers, so we would have so sell our cattle.”

“But you said that the feudal lord not only exempted you from taxes but also gave you support.”

“That’s right, he’s a really nice lord.” Once again, Nenshin made a face as if he was going to throw up.

Maomao then asks him directly something along the lines of “What is it that you don’t like about that? It seems like you have a thorn in your side/like it's a thorn in your eye.”

Nenshin explains that, he’s not saying this as former bandit, but they(village people) are just trying to take what they can get. To him, they’re like locusts. If you don’t want to starve, you should take proper care of your field - so that you don’t starve.

Maomao asks if "that’s why" - the reason why the fields in this village aren’t well taken care of is that.

Nenshin responds: “That’s right. It was the same with last years bugs.” and goes on to explain that while they were disgusted, looking at their fields being eaten with dismay - the village chief was always thinking about how he could get the sympathy of the lord, always thinking about how he could make him cry. Nenshin felt like a fool, pulling off the locusts that were biting the leaves and killing them one by one.

Narrator-Mao wonders if the fear of past locust plagues has changed Nenshin - because this doesn’t seem like the behavior of a former bandit who has done all kinds of evil deeds.

She then corrects herself in her mind: No, that’s wrong.

As narrator adding that, from the start, Nenshin probably had an earnest/serious personality. He was born and raised as a bandit, so he learned how to use a bow and started killing people as he was told.

Ethics isn’t something you are born with.

“And judging from the current atmosphere in the village, it seems like they received a lot of money.”

“Right. This hasn’t changed in the last ten years. Even if the harvest fails, the lord will help us. He’s a good lord to everyone.”

In her mind she wonders “Good lord..”

Narrator-Mao wonders where the money for this support comes from. It could be extracted from trade. If Saito was that prosperous, it’s fine to send the money to rural areas.

“If you’re making the money, I think it would be better to build at least one of those waterways/canals.”

She goes on, as narrator, that the less labor is involved in transporting water, the more different work can be done. They could even cultivate new fields.

Nenshin admits that that’s what “that man Rikuson” had said too - Maomao replies with a simple “Is that so.”

Narrator-Mao then tells us again that, once she’s back in Saito, she has to find out how Rikuson found out about the former serf’s existence.

(And then, after all this, days worth of work they did for him, mind you……..)

“By the way, I’m sorry to ask you to help me with my work, but don’t you have other business in this village?”

“Business…….” - Maomao rests her chin on the handle of her hoe and closes her eyes.

“Ah!” - Maomao looks around. She approaches Lahan-nii, who isn’t only digging up the soil but also starting to make ridges.

Maomao: We won’t plant anything here.

Lahan-nii: ?!

She thinks “Shit, he’s making his usual face.”

He(?) denies it, but the farmers are completely on board.

“By the way, aren’t you going to spread the popularity of potatoes? I think that’s why you brought the seed potatoes.”

“..... that’s about it.”

It seems like Lahan-nii has something on his mind.

“The people here have no willingness/motivation to work in the fields, right? If they were to produce more potatoes, do you think they would cultivate them properly? They probably won’t use the old fields for new crops, and I don’t think they have the willpower to cultivate new land.”

“Certainly/Indeed.” Maomao is convinved.

Lahan-nii says that that’s why he wanted to meet the only person who cultivated a decent farm.

Maomao catches on, goes “So that’s what it’s about.” but Lahan-nii already knows better as well: “But I don’t think that old man can do it.”

Maomao agrees, with a simple “It’s impossible, I guess.”

The last former serf of this village. In addition to working on his own field, he also has to perform the fall plowing ceremony, which is called a ritual. Work that was supposed to be completed in fall, continuing into the spring, so no matter how you look at it, there’s not enough manpower.

“Can’t we just leave one person here to help?” They look at the other farmers.

Lahan-nii argues that the people he brought with him are here because he is *in case she’s wondering*. It’s not good to be left behind in an unfamiliar place/You can’t just leave them in an unfamiliar land, in the middle of nowhere.

They seem to have been brought all the way from Hisashi-Shuu.

“Right.” - Narrator-Mao notes that Lahan-nii acts like an older brother in the strangest ways - and that, if he had been born into a normal family, he would’ve been a good eldest son. (damn girl)

Lahan-nii adds that he’s glad his father isn’t there - and something about how he said he’d show them the potential of potatoes yet he didn’t actually know what to do. (the second part’s not wanting to be read, clearly.)

Maomao then says something along the lines of “Let’s at least make the sweet potatoes tasty….. Potatoes……” (it’s a fragmented sentence I can’t make full sense of)

Maomao looks at the two children clinging to Chue’s back. She sets down the hoe and approaches them.

“Hey, you want to eat the sweet potato again sometime”

“Want to eat!”

“I want to eat it! I want to eat!”

The sibling's eyes sparkled.

“It’s my first time eating something so sweet. It was sweet like a raisin.”

“Raisins?”

“Sweets are precious around here. There’s no honey and sugar is a luxury item.”

Chue spins around with a large jar on her head.

“... I wonder, can we use that/Could that work?”

Maomao grinned/chuckled and returned to Lahan-nii.

| Notes & Chapter 13

At long last, a chapter that didn't completely hate being translated.

There's not much to say this time. There is the expression thing where it's not quite clear for me if Maomao is pulling an expression or if it's Lahan-nii, but we'll survive that. The same goes with where Nenshin has the thorn.

I honestly just love it for Nenshin that he waited days, until they were about to wrap up all the work, before asking if it's fine for them to spend all their time with his task. Just, gold.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one. I'll see you soon with the next. Stay safe!

[kitchenisking]

January Fic Rec

It's been one full year since I've started doing recs😱 Ive got so many new followers which blows my mind and everyone seems to love the recs! I can't believe that's its been a full year! All this started because I was reading so many fics and my friend told me that I should share all the amazing fics that I was reading. I never thought that it would kinda explode like it did. I truly enjoy doing these recs and I promise that I will continue doing recs, I have so many fics to read - Im not going anywhere😘

I would like to apologize if there any repeat fics on the list. If it happens I guess just enjoy the reread like it did😉

I hope that everyone has a good new years and that this year bring only good things for everyone!❤️

Please remember to show love to our writers🥰

Feeling You by secretfanboy - (Rating: T, Words: 6158, sterek)

When Derek loses his sight and hearing saving Scott from an attack, the Stilinski's take him in. As nurse and patient Stiles and Derek grow closer, but what will happen when Derek gets better? Will Stiles be left with a broken heart?

Where to Search for Snow by suburbanmotel - (Rating: Mature, Words: 8954, sterek)

Stiles and his Gigantic Repressed Feelings accidentally affect the weather. A lot. Like. A lot.

//

  “It’s snowing, Stiles,” says Derek.

Stiles looks up. He nods. “Yeah. Yeah it is.”

Derek looks at him. “It’s snowing, Stiles. In your bedroom.”

This Burn We Feel by HappyJuicyfruit - (Rating: G, Words: 3614, sterek)

“It hurts here?” His mother asked, running a hand over his knee. 

Derek nodded. 

“You didn’t fall down? Or hit it on anything?” 

Derek shook his head, his lip wobbling. 

“Oh sweetheart, this is a good thing,” his mother cooed. Derek bit his lip and stared at her. He did not see how this could be a good thing. “It’s your soulmate.” 

Soulmate? Derek blinked, looking down at his knee. He knew about soulmates. He knew his parents were soulmates, and that they always knew what the other was doing. Mommy felt what Daddy felt, and Daddy felt what Mommy felt. 

He didn’t think it was supposed to last this long though. 

— From the prompt: Soulmates can feel when their other half is in pain; emotional and physical.

Even Greenberg has a Soulmate by Beerwolves, Deancebra - (Rating: T, Words: 22628, sterek)

Stiles was of the firm belief that he didn't have soulmate. Not even as a kid had he had unexplained damage to his skin, showing where his soulmate had hit themselves. Sometimes he felt as if he saw the ghost of a bruise, but it was always gone faster than he could take a picture to prove it. So yeah. Probably just his damned imagination. And if Derek and his gang would stop pointing that out... well, it would be really fucking great now, wouldn't it?

Fly a Little Faster by mirrorkill - (Rating: T, Words: 32052, sterek)

Everyone knows when you go back in time, you shouldn't step on an ant, just in case you accidentally kill your own grandparent or something. But what happens when you go back in time and, uh, accidentally interrupt the one event that apparently made the Grumpiest Alpha in Town into a ball of mindless manpain? 

Well, if Marty McFly can do it, so can Stiles Stilinski. All he has to do is get Derek and Paige to fall in love before he gets pulled back to his own time. And before he makes anything worse. That's easy as pie, right? Right?

my heart's been offline by thepsychicclam - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 58893, sterek)

31/M/New York. Rich, lays in bed all day, likes to read (aka Derek Hale, son of an Oscar winning actress, brother of one obnoxious reality star and one rebellious fashion designer, hates the paparazzi so much he's a recluse)

26/M/California. Boring office job, likes to read (aka Stiles Stilinski, co-owner of a 100 acre organic farm with his dad and two best friends, writer of obits for a newspaper, has absolutely no life)

Or, where Derek and Stiles meet online, and Stiles has no clue Derek's part of a famous family.

The Music (Howls) Of The Night by tumtatumtum - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 5326, sterek)

The Phantom of the Opera AU where Omega!Stiles plays Christine to Alpha!Derek's Phantom.

Except in this version, people hit high notes for completely different reasons.

The hurry's gonna bring you to your knees. by Alysaria_Jones - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 6640, sterek)

Stiles is experiencing an odd side effect of the witches curse. Strangely enough, he finds that Derek is the only one who can dull the ache between his thighs.

The New Teacher by everchanginginks, TwistedAmusement13 - (Rating: Mature, Words: 9562, sterek)

Derek, a world-weary English teacher pushing 40, is roped into a wet night out by his best friends. He finds himself charmed by a flirty college student who introduces himself as Stiles. They share an incredible night, but Stiles leaves before Derek wakes up. Thinking that he'll never see Stiles again, Derek bitterly gets ready for work at Beacon Hills High School. He's in for a bit of shock when he's introduced to the newly hired science teacher...

appetite (until your hunger is satisfied) by orphan_account - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 2803, sterek)

In a surprising twist of events, he hadn't come home covered in blood (or monster slime, or other gross bodily fluids that are supposed to stay insidethe body and not smeared on his clothes), he wasn't bleeding and neither were his friends when he left them. For the first time in, well, ever, it seemed like they finally managed to find the one supernatural creature with a bit of sense of preservation who, miracle of miracles, didn't think killing everything that moved was a perfectly good way to pass the time. Stiles had been suitably impressed.

Or: Derek walks in on Stiles' alone time and decides to join in.

[ultraericthered]

Anime Update V3 3

Vinland Saga S2 - Arnheid went to see her husband in captivity. Wrong move. Gardar used her presence there to lure one of the guards to them and then bite out the guy's throat. No shitting, this was probably the most graphic thing I've seen depicted on this show! He convinces Arnheid to cut the ropes binding him so he can kill all the other guards and make his escape. Back at the farm, a talk between Thorfinn and Einar further establishes Thorfinn's desire to never kill or resort to violence in any conflict ever again, and to find some way of sufficiently and significantly atoning for every life he took, like creating a place where "no one needs a sword." Einar sas that such a place must be beyond man's reach, prompting Thorfinn to finally remember it: Vinland. He needs to go find Vinland!

Hunter x Hunter - After Killua ends up not only sparing Ikalgo but saving him, telling him he's cool and that they might've been friends under better conditions, he goes ahead and becomes the target of two aquatic Chimera Ant siblings (with one of them voiced by LittleKuriboh) as they throw fish darts at a special board that project the darts to skewer different parts of Killua's body, and it really seemed like Killua was a goner for a while, even after he turned the tables and decapitated the twins (which they're still alive after, don't worry!), he's at risk of dying until, wouldn't you know it, Ikalgo comes along to save his life! Some good deeds do get rewarded! The other episode I watched focused largely on Gon's sketchy alliance with Meleoron, who claims he wants to kill Meruem for having killed his father figure, and we see Meruem's off playing games with humanity. And I mean literally, he is challenging humans to different human games after learning the rules in record time, beating them, and killing them. And now he's to play Gungi...against a blind girl??? And the current ED credits suggests this goes somewhere pretty big.

SHUFFLE! - Summer is apparently fast approaching in this anime's world, which seems so foreign to me when we're currently in the midst of a cold winter season. The students all study for their final exams and undertake them, with Sia getting some help from Rin. There's also talk of rainy days and memories of when Sia met Rin.

Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works - The grand finale looms ahead, so you know what that means - the Rin/Shirou sex episode!

KonoSuba - This episode just kept changing gears on me, setting itself up to be about Darkness wanting to join Kazuma's party but Kazuma being resistant to her because he can see how masochistic she is and doesn't want another weird girl to put up with, then it centers on Kazuma learning the "Steal" ability from this white haired Yuffie Kisaragi-esque thief girl (and Kazuma can compulsively only swipe panties off from girls because of course he would), and then out of fucking nowhere, flying cabbages start migrating towards the civilization and all warriors are called to fight them so that they can be eaten, complete with casual and silly exposition on this little harvest season from Aqua, and Darkness shielding other knights from the cabbages' blows because she loves getting hit repeatedly. So Kazuma ends up accepting Darkness for a harvest job well done.

Symphogear XV - Episode 2 again does this thing where we're at one point in time but then flash back to what happened to lead up to it, only this time the past timeframe was last episode's present, where at least we're treated to some peak Kirika/Shirabe goodness, and they even manage to get the better of one of their new adversaries. S.O.N.G has taken in the mysterious Annunaki mummy they found in Antarctica, and Fudou is very displeased with his son and his workers as of late. Then Tsubasa and Maria do a joint concert that, as I'd expected, gets attacked by another new enemy and geezus, this psychotic freak actually managed to put Carol to shame in the heinous department, creating several casualties and even butchering an innocent child right in front of Tsubasa. She escapes justice for this and Tsubasa feels like a failure, as though she just lost Kanade all over again. Times are certainly getting bleak!

Eureka Seven - While Holland continues to grapple with his self loathing and how horribly abusive and irresponsible he'd been with Renton, the moment of dread comes when Renton opening up to his new dad Charles and outing himself as Adroc Thurston's child gets Charles to start prying more about the Nirvash and how things were like with Gekko State, and luring Renton right into a military sky assault where he comes clean about him and Ray being mercenaries for the Federation out to destroy Gekko State, and Renton's absolute devastation is itself devastating to watch. He seemed so close to a healthy home environment and a real family he could live peacefully with only to have the illusion broken, which conveys to him that no matter where he goes, warfare and his prior involvement in it will always follow him. Hence the episode's title being "Paradise Lost." Ray and Charles, to their credit, still love Renton like their own child and give him the choice whether or not to leave them. And he does.

Gintama - None this week.

[kobblefort]

Rushsly: Final Preparations

Even if the "endgame" spoilers don't start in this episode, they are going to be talked about at length from this point on.

This is your last warning: if you want to find out what's at the very bottom of the world for yourself, do not read beyond this point until you have.

There are other valid reasons not to read this Let's Play, such as "thinking the author is a narcissistic maniac who spends more time trying to do bootleg therapy on themself than the actual game," or "being a bit weirded out by the whole kobold thing," or "just not wanting to read a novel-length stream-of-consciousness psychodramatic diatribe that is sometimes vaguely about a digital ant-farm." But I care far more about preserving the wonders of this game for the people who enjoy it than I ever will about appealing to the particularities of anyone who is already inclined to dislike me or my work, so one more time, endgame spoilers are just one click away here. If you want to see the bottom yourself, you should dig to the bottom yourself. If you like playing the game, I think it is something worth doing at least once. This will be my first time playing this content, but not my first time seeing it, and I kind of wish it was. Spoilers under the cut.

I guess I should apologize for how I ended the last episode. I had been feeling very weird and worked myself up acting like nothing had ever gone right for me. I'm feeling better now. I played a bit of the new Zelda game like everyone else - well actually I played it a bit before it released too, because I think Nintendo is evil and that pirating their games, even leaked ones, is ontologically good - that I refuse to financially support them by buying their products firsthand, even if I must get kind of a shitty 15-24fps version of the experience. I make no argument that their games are not good and fun and well-designed but I think many of their corporate practices are basically inexcusable, litigating a man into lifelong indentured servitude is some shit a pastor would make up a story about the devil doing, having a crack team of prosecutors called "Nintendo Ninjas" isn't cute or funny, it is inexcusably vile bullshit that speaks volumes about what kind of world we've built ourselves to live in, where our modern myths and fables are Intellectual Properties and Trademarks. I have been making lots of contraptions, none that particularly measure up to what you might have seen on the internet - some of them embarrassingly being made obsolete by the game's own built-in schematics just minutes after I finished devising them. I have also not been barbecuing the koroks or shooting them with lasers or blasting them off on rockets or anything like that. They are cute and funny little dudes and I have no particular interest in seeing them suffer. I read an article a while ago about how phenomena like the widespread Korok crucifixions are caused by the same sort of psychological response as how you kind of just want to bite things that are obscenely cute, because our human brains don't really know how to deal with the feeling of "this thing is too cute." At least, I imagine they have to be similar responses going on there.

Kerrik Perplexnightmares appears in the first cavern layer - clearly named by the ratfolk. It almost brings a smile to my face to think of it mauling the rat-bastards that so frequently besiege us, but just as soon it brings a frown to think about how its "deadly dust" might be able to slip through our fortifications. Fiva is also still fucking around on the second cavern layer, apparently still seriously wounded from its battle with the ant people; speaking of which, checking the "Creatures>Others" tab displays none of them, but none of them appear under "Dead/Missing" either. Whether they went back into hiding for another ambush, fled the caverns beneath Rushsly entirely, or were so thoroughly dismembered that whatever remains of them would not be recognizable as ever belonging to a sentient being is currently unknown, though the second option seems most likely and the third seems least likely. They did appear from the western-most edge of the second cavern, they could have just as easily left that way.

Its ability to stand and ability to grasp are apparently "somewhat impaired", and funnily enough, checking the "Treatment" tab lets us know that it needs diagnosis and a crutch. The only way the kobbles are giving the poor lobster bastard a crutch is by mauling it with one. Rushsly has truly become a violent fort, and I'll need to start designating a third military squadron as soon as this last window into the final cavern layer is completed. Which, in the tireless toil of kobble industry, it is.

We can see most all of it besides the northeastern corner, and still not a fucking trace of magma. If it does exist, it will be at the very bottom of the world.

Our newest crop of migrants brought with them quite a lot of kobbles who were already adequate in some form of fighting or another, if not competent or even accomplished. With 211 steel bars in reserve, and a whopping 1475 iron bars and 61 bricks of coke (not the kind that makes you scheme to start a massive Wal-Mart return-scam scheme that spans four states, lasts for six years and results in a net profit of over 868,000 dollars - the cool kind) in case we run through that, outfitting them is only a question of time, not resources. And yes, Kody wanted to call them "The Frigid Knots." Go ahead, make your furry porn jokes. But for what it's worth? I'm anti-knot. I'm anti basically any "animal style genitalia" besides hyena girls with huge dicks or like, shark furries with double dicks, but they should still be recognizably human. I guess maybe a little frond here or a little flaring there is fine but I don't know, don't get carried away man. Like you know when you see one of those artists who just draws dicks as little red or pink triangles? I can't stand that. And hell while we're at it, no feral shit for me either. I'm in this furry shit for definitively humanoid bitches with some animal aesthetics I'm not trying to jack off to an actual dog dick, that's gross to me. I'm not a cop but I'm allowed to be grossed out. Us old bastards call that "squicked." I'm allowed to be squicked. You can go back over my earlier posts for evidence of my arguably "weirder" fetishes if you want but I'm not going to give a shit because weird is subjective and I think you can obviously tell just from this paragraph alone that I'm kind of unconcerned with joining any sort of larger consensus on "normality." I've got my own "normality" going on and it works for me. I am incredibly normal: I am, after all, the average of all my traits.

The mine shaft that will lead us to glorious adamantite starts right here, just outside The Curled Pepper, but it won't start going too deep without some serious fortifications and a contingency plan in case we dig right into the final layer instead of hitting an adamantite vein. I have a plan for safely digging out the adamantite - as safely as one can dig out adamantite anyway - but before that step can begin, I want steel hatch covers and a backup set of steel doors in place. Though I'm completely prepared for Rushsly to fall on an emotional level, I would like that to simply not happen - being able to retire the fort once I feel I've had as much fun with it as I'm going to have would be a blessing. And what do we have to lose, should I carelessly fuck up?

Well, for starters, I haven't even begun on Dralas' Beast Slayer quarters lol fuck whoops!! Not that he's discontent with his four-tile chamber in the awkward set of bedrooms that I have been going out of my way to show because I hate them. And what sort of things go on in Dralas' life? Well, of his many passing acquaintances, being not even particularly close to other members of his squadron, he has made a friend:

Gatr Leagueknowing - Maybe he should know a better fucking game, LOL!!! Why are you playing an RTS where you only get to control one guy!?! Sorry - the Holy Fish of the Goldenrod Creed, who leads ceremonies in the Pale Chapel, actually has many friends, perhaps as a result of his liturgical duties, but...

He himself only considers Dralas a "passing acquaintance." Ouch

But there's not too much time to ponder the minutiae of kobbles' social lives - a third Forgotten Beast appears, this one joining Fiva on the second cavern layer. Wow, an eyeless lizard and an eyeless lobster. They're so similar I'm a bit worried they're going to fuck instead of fight.

But no lol obviously they fight. They fight hard, they fight fast, and then it's over. One must wonder how it would have turned out if Fiva managed to recover from its scuffle with the ant people, but that's not what happened. Ancoji Necroshafts the Fated (holy shit) escapes with a single bruise on its rear right foot. Fiva is the one I made that badass little intro graphic for, isn't it? Sorry to see you go out like that, Fiva, though I wonder if this might be a little more honorable than getting sniped through some fortifications by a kobble who doesn't even care about doing the deed. The 462-year-old lizard scratches right through the lobster's brain and it's all over.

All the way up top-side I notice these rabbit merchants and their guard have just been... stuck chilling in the trade depot for at least a month after their supposed departure. I pull up and then pull down the drawbridge to try and reset their pathfinding, I run dfhack fix/stuck-merchants a couple times, no dice. Also right after doing that I find out you're not actually supposed to run fix/stuck-merchants when you have merchants on the map, but ahh whoops I dunno, live and learn I guess. I should really read command descriptions before I make assumptions based on their name but to be fair like when merchants are stuck on your screen it really feels like that's what the command "fix/stuck-merchants" is for, how would I even actually know if merchants are stuck off my map? Well I really don't know what to do about that. It would be funny to just fucking kill them but they're cute little bunny people and I need to be minimizing the amount of enemies I have at any given time if I want to survive the dig for adamantite.

We commission Agcu Riu: "the Fall of Beaks" for Dralas' bedroom. It doesn't look like we'll be able to find aluminum any time soon, but one with iron walls, billon floors and a gold "welcome mat" seems more than well-appointed enough.

Our Hammer Lord On decides to name her shield "The Confusing Famine." I kind of wish she'd grown attached to a steel one instead, but I suppose the tools you're comfortable with are always better than the more expensive, flashier ones. Right? Well I don't know because steel is literally stronger than iron, but oh well. This is the second object a soldier has named, after Ace Steel's steel battleaxe "Styletongues." Looks like things are going well for them, and they'll soon have company in their barracks: even though no training orders have actually been given yet, some members of The Frigid Knots have already grown antsy enough to pick out their weapons and armor.

Quite a few masterworks have been created in the new batch of weapons, and checking who made them makes me realize that Orml really ought to be appointed to the military: she's a legendary fighter, legendary observer, and master spearbold after all. The Frigid Knots will do well to have a master among them to learn from; it should hopefully bring the less skilled of the group up to speed a bit faster.

Ancoji has been sitting perfectly still this whole time after finishing off Fiva. Up on the first cavern layer, Kerrik just slowly swims around. Menacingly... as menacingly as a giant frog can get.

Training finally begins for TFK.

The final shaft is almost ready. A tight security protocol will be enforced whenever any adamantite mining operations are going on. The outer steel doors, inner steel doors, hatch covers on Z-90 and hatch covers on Z-91 will all be sealed for the entire length of time that a mining team is in the shaft. This is to buy a construction team enough time to wall off the shaft entirely if it becomes necessary. As I've already stated, if we break through at the wrong spot, we have a matter of single frames to react accordingly, and two or three miners' lives are, unfortunately, a fair trade to keep the other 100+ kobbles safe from the possibility sudden violent and painful death. In the event that we are not able to seal off the bottom layer for any reason, we will have no choice but to draw up the above-ground and below-ground bridges to cut off access between Rushsly and the greater world entirely. What we find down there could literally doom the entire Dimensions of Portent if we do not immediately take the proper cautions to contain it. Maybe I'm being overdramatic. Maybe I'll wish I was even more dramatic later. All I can know for sure is the general gist of what lies at the bottom of the earth, and how dangerous it can be. -114 is the deepest depth of the pools in the third and final cavern layer. From -115 to -129, anything could happen. Vast and impossible riches guarded by incredible beasts. An ocean of magma to spew forth, a relatively painless and uneventful adamantite-and-diamonds mining experience.

In interest of not taking for-fucking-ever and having the group awkwardly split up, miners will be moved to these admittedly quite shit barracks on -90, and the burrow system will be used to keep them from fucking off all the way up to near the surface until such a time as the final layers are exhausted. The marksbold squad are training hard just below The Curled Pepper, ready as they'll ever be for whatever comes next.

Through me you enter into the city of woes; through me you enter into eternal pain, through me you enter the population of loss. Abandon all hope, you who enter here. "Inferno" is actually very funny for a lot of different reasons, but that quote still goes hard as fuck, you can't not like it. I know this has been kind of a shorter episode, maybe you're glad about that, but this seems like a good place to cut it. I want to have as much room as possible to let whatever might transpire next breathe.

[arrowjaeger]

Basic Bayverse TMNT (2014 - 2016) Headcanons

some 18+ themes ig

Leonardo

probably a swifty

fluent in japanese

writes everything in japanese mostly so his brothers can’t read it as easily

refuses to call his brothers by their nicknames

probably has horrible taste in women tbh i am so sorry

thinks sugar is the devil

pretty much only drinks tea

and he sweetens it with honey

tries to be the son Splinter wants him to be

probably sings the first line to the pokémon theme in his sleep

“i want to be the very best”

always wakes up first

the mom friend but he acts way more like a mom than normal mom friends

“ugh my head hurts!”

“it’s cuz you’re always on that damn phone!”

thinks the games his brothers play are violent but he literally carries katanas with him pretty much everywhere- he’s hospitalized dozens of foot soldiers but noooo shooting a few pixels on a screen where only people’s pride is getting hurt is violent.

wears his gear like 24/7 “if there is an emergency we won’t have time to get ready”

as much as he says he doesn’t like tv, he gets obsessed with shows easily

he’ll also watch tv with Splinter since he likes older action shows

Raphael

works out at 2 am for no apparent reason

can’t sleep? oh! i should work out!

always states how much protein is in whatever he is eating

like we care, Raphael

i’ve said this before but he dry scoops protein powder, he just does.

barely knows english

forgets words and has to play charades until someone knows what he is trying to say

most likely to have had an emo phase

still listens to Black Parade occasionally

either listens to heavy metal or pink floyd

cracks his knuckles and neck way too often

drinks monster energy 24/7

will drink red bull if there is no monster left

smashes the empty cans with his forehead

has asked Donnie how to delete his search history before. Donnie definitely didn’t help him and just looked at Raph’s search history.

we all knew Raph would be into some weird shit

Donatello

is constantly chewing on things as he works: pens, erasers, his lips, the insides of his cheeks. and he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it

breaks pencils when he’s stressed

has a box for the broken pieces on his desk

listens to way too much dubstep and basshunter

lives in sweatpants

like he’d fight in them if he was allowed

favorite poptart flavor is hot fudge sundae or just hot fudge. either way, those are the only poptarts he will eat in it’s entirety

otherwise he just licks the frosting off of them. he claims it helps his brain work.

probably plays dating sims in his free time

plays mystic messenger

projects onto 707

is sorta in love with MC

has one of those huge desk calendars but never has any plans

fluent in japanese and spanish in addition to english ofc

learned spanish in like three weeks for fun

he really just listens to any music unless it’s country

he’d rather be double mutated than listen to country

only drinks soda/energy drinks if they are purple

monster energy ultra violet and grape crush are his go to’s

put food coloring in his apple juice to make it purple so it would go with his brand

will not wear anything that is one of his brother’s colors

so he ends up wearing purple, gray, or black

prefers dc over marvel

the boy knows EVERYTHING about nintendo

in fact, he’s a walking encyclopedia/almanac. if you make any sort of statement, he has to tell you a fun fact about what you just said

used to say “interesting factoid” (like Olive from ANT Farm) but after his third interesting factoid Raph punched him in the face, which is why his glasses have been taped back together

only uses wooden pencils. none of that plastic stuff

definitely twirls his pencils in his fingers and probably practices bo fighting techniques with it as he thinks

one day a monitor from his set up disappeared. Leo brought it up and Don just shrugged it off.

it is definitely in his room, and it’s where he looks up more delicate topics.. he definitely watches porn on it-

hates 90% of what comes out of Mikey’s mouth

smells like coffee and motor oil

addicted to froot loops

types ridiculously fast for only having three fingers

hates when people mix up Star Wars and Star Trek

points out flaws in movies and theorizes the plot out loud

spoils most movies for his brothers unknowingly

hates when the strong female characters start dating the asshole male lead by the end of the move

cries by the end of any movie

craves attention

needs to be pegged

Michelangelo

beat boxing legend

lives off of totino’s pizza rolls

probably eats them frozen

is obsessed with retro video games

keeps breaking their atari

the only thing Mikey knows how to fix is NES cartridges

*aggressively blows into the bottom of the cartridge*

always loses the tv remote

does he best batman impression out of all of them

collects human things

is definitely making a fort out of old pizza boxes

is the most stereotypical gen z

is cracked at fortnite

uses gen z words like cheugy

probably wanted to be a vsco girl back when they were popular

kesha stan

he has more orange crush in his veins than blood

probably watches David Dobrik

gave Raph a full soda can for him to smash

he smashed it successfully just soda went everywhere and he had to clean it up

while watching sports, he roots against his brothers for fun

prefers marvel over dc

makes horrible “yo mama” and “deez nuts” jokes at every opportunity

eats so many snacks during movie night

chews with his mouth open

ADHD

laughs at all the wrong times

loves cringey movies

[aiweirdness]

2020 headlines

Midway through 2020, people started suggesting that I train a neural net on 2020 headlines, and I was skeptical that there would be enough weird ones to make a decent project. Then 2020 continued to be 2020. We started to get headlines such as:

Mysterious alien-like monolith discovered in Utah desert What you need to know about 'murder hornets' The Mystery of The Platypus Deepens With The Discovery of Its Biofluorescent Fur Famous Vienna hotel turns to drive-in cake

And by the time we got to December, with more bioluminescent marsupials, mysterious monoliths, and the Galactic Federation, my course was clear.

I decided to use GPT-3, whose internet training data was all collected before October 2019. In other words, before 2020 happened. I gave GPT3 a list of 2020 headlines and let it add more text to the list. Having no data from 2020, would it even treat these as real headlines?

A lot of the generated headlines were from the natural world, in part because my list of examples tended to favor those. I really can’t tell if these are attempts to do novel but realistic headlines, or to completely goof around.

Swarming bears are given deadly slingshots by Russian hunters Good news / Bad news about crows in Burlington schools When Killer Orchids Attack: How the Deadly Corpse Orchid Is Turning Up in U.S. Backyards Apparently There is No Good Photo of the "Melbourne Spider" Desert mystery - what is this rock that looks like a plane ticket? Fears rise of new dwarf hippo public relations disaster after rise in sightings Mysterious Origin of Monster Deep-sea Toads Solved What are 'dragon cats' and why they are getting hyped? Massive radioactive sinkhole continues to grow in Russia Why scientists believe the 'Killer Raccoons of the Pacific Northwest' are responsible for this kill Lycoperdons, the tiny deadly puffballs, are on the march again From deep in the Earth, darkness “boils” to the surface A sassy tardigrade previews new Doctor Who

With other generated headlines, it looks more like GPT-3 assessed the 2020 headlines and went, “Murder hornets? Yeah okay and hellhounds too.” (This is clearly an algorithmic error; hellhounds are MUCH more likely to be found at the Denver International Airport.)

Proof that a hellhound is living at Los Angeles Airport has been provided in the photos below First naked bogman has been found out walking the great British countryside Reports of a '10-foot tall penguin' roaming about on the Family Islands in the Solomon Islands are investigated Albino green sea monster filmed ... at the wrong time Scientists discover the alien ant farm under the Antarctic ice Lizardman: The Terrifying Tale of the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp

I like its science/technology headlines. So many good little bots.

Researchers fear our solar system is being interfered with by alien space lasers Mars rover finds only artificial organic matter on surface Scientists Recreate Giant Liopleurodon In Lab 'Lost' NASA space shuttle repair robot comes back to life after four decades in complete darkness Hey, Curiosity Rover, Don't Go Chasing Shadow Bugs Small drone takes on six killer sharks in Shipwreck (Video) Mysterious Hole Observed On the Sun How did we miss this massive alien spaceship lurking on an abandoned asteroid? Scorpions on the dark side of the moon NASA: Has Earth 'Halted' And Stopped Spinning - If What NASA States is True, We Must All Celebrate! NOW!

i only showed the most interesting sorts of headlines; plenty were just ordinary news from 2019 or earlier. Others were new, technically, but not exactly news:

Breathing Is "Supercharging" Brain Voyager 1 images: See contents of interstellar space Scientists Take Photos In See-Through Scuba Gear, and This Is What They Got Scientists do science… … and then write about it! Scientists say climate change deniers should sit on a beach until it is underwater

Subscribers get bonus content: I tried another experiment in which I tried to produce more targeted headlines, around the theme of… tumbleweeds. (It turns out there were a LOT of dramatic tumbleweed headlines in 2020, due to their habit of descending on various places in apocalyptic numbers).

On the subject of GOOD things that have existed in 2020: please consider my book on AI, You Look Like a Thing and I Love You: Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s - Boulder Bookstore

[stellocchia]

Watching Ant's lore because I adore him, so here's a little summary, liveblogging style:

Starts off with Ant going to work after 4 days of absence. He seems to be unaware of Dream's escape?

Immediately thinking of calling in sick, me too Ant, me too

Ant immediately mistaking Tommy's wall for the start of a bee farm. Honestly, a new bee farm could be nice, maybe once Dream is dealt with.

He's really regretting being hired right now

Sam!!

"You took off for... let's see, a nice smooth seven days? Six days?" did... did Ant not inform Sam of how long his leave would be...?

"Ant, do you have any idea what's happened?" Does he look like someone who knows what's going on? My meow meow was most likely high for most of his leave...

"Ant, I'm about to blow a casket right now, what do you mean?" My man is so done with life right now. Please Sam just explain, everything is alright buddy

"What's wrong?! Dream's escaped prison!" THANK YOU! Also, Ant immediately reacted with denial. I feel like that's the most common coping mechanism in the server

Sam is keeping himself from strangling Ant so hard right now. I feel like Ant wouldn't be breathing if they weren't friends

"It's impossible to get out of the prison, you can't get out of the prison, that's sort of the point!" It's incredible how much everyone believed in the prison

Btw, the reason Sam is so pissed is that Ant didn't come back from his break when he got the serious alarm that meant there was a prison break happening

"How am I getting blamed for your obvious shortcomings in designing the prison?" "My what?! For my what?!" "Clearly this is like-" "The only thing I was short in was picking who was gonna be a guard I guess, 'caus it clearly just wasn't that big of a deal to you apparently" OOOOOOH my meow meows are fighting!

"If you had the whole- if you had the entirety of the smp here to help you and you still couldn't contain him I don't know what me being there would have changed" "The entirety of the smp wasn't in the prison actively helping. You could have been in the prison helping us actively stop him" To be fair to Ant, considering who they were up against, I don't think that him being there inside the prison would have made much difference

"Why didn't you hire a temp or something?!" "Hire a temp. You want me to hire a temp? Just trust a random person for a day? 'Hey! Come be- come be a prison guard for a day! Ha ha ha, it will be fun!'" Sam trust issues go brrr

Ant is now blaming the whole thing on Sam because he's the warden. Ant please, accept some personal responsibility for missing from work...

"I'm leaving this conversation before something bad happens" (threat)

"You know what? Fuck you Sam! Fuck you!" I would have paid for him to say that to Sam's face

Bad!! Why's Bad on Tommy's wall? Guess he's patrolling a new place now...

"Sam just told me that Dream is free! That there's, like, a green maniac free on the server running around" Love that description

Bad feels like he did a bad job as a guard so now he's practicing by patrolling Tommy's walls, seems fair

Ant is now trying to convince Bad as well that the two of them are not to blame for Dream's escape, only Sam is. Dude, keeping him in is literally what they were hired to do. They're all to blame partially.

"There was blood everywhere, oh my goodness" Please someone draw the fight based on Bad's description, it's so much cooler

"Oh my goodness, this is gonna hurt my home's value..." Bad almost sounds like Technoblade right there

Also, Ant only now found out about Ranboo's death. Guess is to be expected since he knows literally nothing of what happened

Why does Bad keep drinking random water bottles? Is he staying hydrated or is there an alcoholism problem we should be talking about? Is that water?

Oooooh, so Bad was purposefully blocking Techno when he was trying to get to Ranboo, huh? 'Cause he thought that was a last-ditch hostage situation to get Dream back. Which I guess it was? But it also went horribly wrong. Bad didn't think that Sam would go through with the threat, but he did

"Bad, what are you drinking?" "Uuuuuh, apple juice" "Wh- there's no apples! Bad I can smell your breath!" Oh, it's definitely alcoholism then

Also, Bad didn't know why Ranboo was in the prison, and Connor canonically started yelling swears at Bad while he was doing his rounds

"That prison raised my propriety value, but now I think it's gonna tank it, ugh. Oh my goodness, I'm probably gonna have to sell it at a loss, it's awful" BAD, WHY IS THIS WHAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT??

What I got so far from Bad's retelling of the events is that the guards truly were not prepared for their job. Like, they weren't told what would happen in the case of a prison break or what to do, which seems like a failing on Sam's part there

"Dream deserves to be locked up! There's a reason- there's a reason we all agreed to put him in the prison" It's always nice to hear that literally almost every single character agrees on this one

"Ant, I always felt a little bad that Dream was- that Dream was in the prison. So I, like-" "Why?! Dream's a monster! Why would you feel bad that he was in the prison? Bad, don't you remember? All the horrible things that he's done?!" "Yeah but... didn't- didn't you sometimes hear? Like, when you'd be making your rounds you'd, like, hear what was going on. Like, the sounds coming from Dream's cell. Like the- the screaming" (...) "I think he was letting other people into Dream's cell!" Did Sam seriously let his guards work during the torture shifts? My man is seriously bad at concealing his crimes, huh?

Also because of that Bad wasn't actually able to help Sam trying and catch Dream again. He just felt awful for what he'd seen already and couldn't bring himself to do it. And now he feels double guilty for not helping because he too knows that Dream is dangerous. "If I had helped him going for Dream maybe we could have gotten him back in the cell, I don't know..."

"He's like, became absorbed by the prison! That's all he thinks about, he doesn't c- I feel like he doesn't even care about us or the badlands anymore. He's just like- it's always 'prison, prison, prison, containing Dream'" *nods* the prison is Sam's Egg

Oh wow, so Sam also tried to blame it entirely on Bad as well. Guys, that's on everyone, you all f*cked up there

"Sam's obviously the issue here" Like, one-third of the issue.

"Wait a minute, why did we have a guy locked up in the prison he designed? That seems like a flaw!" HEY WAIT A MINUTE, YEAH!

"Is Tommy okay?" "Uhm, you know what? The last time I talked to Tommy, I was walking down the Prime Path, he just walked up to me and he swore at me" Yeah, that definitely sounds like my shining star alright

"I'm just hoping he's [Tommy] hiding somewhere because..." Yeah, see, I wish he was as well, but an old fool convinced him that facing Dream head-on was the smart thing to do, so that may not be the case

Connor stole Tommy's house as well. That man is FAST!

"Yeah, no, if I was in Tommy's position I would be dipping" SEE, THAT WOULD BE THE SMART THING TO DO

"Oh, I'm sure Dream is gonna be so grateful that you snuck him a snack while keeping him locked up in a maximum-security prison where he could do nothing and see nothing from the outside world" (sarcasm) "You think?" "No, no Bad, I don't think so. I think he will hunt both of us down after he finishes work elsewhere" "Oh no..." I love them

They decide to go talk to Sam

"Do you think Sam is gonna withhold my Christmas bonus now?" I really hope Bad never changes, I love him

"You didn't think that it was important that you slaughtered somebody? You didn't think it was important that you killed a poor dog?" "No, not really" "WHAT?! What do you mean not really, you killed somebody!" "It's rather inconsequential to what really happened, isn't it?" Sam's mentality is literally "the ends justify the means" as long as the end goal is preserving prison security

Oooooh, Bad asked about the voices in Dream's cell and Sam is blaming it on Bad's alcoholism. Also, Sam used lying, it was super effective

"Do you like the idea that the only person who knows how to save people when they die is that maniac?"

"I find it interesting that you two are coming here to say that I'm not taking responsibility when neither one of you are taking responsibility either" this is literally just a blame game at this point. Why are all 3 of them so allergic to personal responsibility?

Also, Bad's definitely right in the Ranboo argument. He surrendered, he wasn't wearing armor or weapons, killing him in that context wasn't justifiable. Especially not to prove Sam was serious

"I'm the only smooth working piece of this machine here" He really identifies himself with the prison, huh?

Bad just quit his job. Why did he still have a job after the prison basically closed down? There are literally no prisoners, why where they still working there?

Either way, that's it!

[bittydragon]

The Ant King

Note: Huge thanks to Bittydragon for inspiring me to write this. I’ll be honest, this is the first fic I've ever actually written, as well as the only piece of creative fiction I've written in like two years so… fingers crossed it goes well hahaha.

TW: tight spaces, darkness, uh,,, bugs i guess. Near death experience

  There are things you have to know about ants when you get an ant farm. Basic fundamentals. What to feed them, how to keep them alive, what type of ants you have, etcetera. Even if your intentions were… torturous. After all, you need to know what makes something tick in order to make it stop.

One of the more common facts about ants is that every colony has a queen. She orders her ants to keep her alive so she can make more ants. Simple biology, the continuation of a species. Every nest has a queen, or it dies.

Apparently, this colony didn’t get the memo.

These thoughts buzzed in grumpy circles around Wilbur's’ head as he followed his ant companion, Tommy, deeper into the ant-farm. They had been wandering these tunnels for what felt like days now, in the center of the farm so there were no glass barriers to show the outside world. They were deep too. Almost at the bottom of the compound. Wilbur was not one to show fear, but even he was beginning to get claustrophobic.

Tommy, who up until now had been jabbering like a toddler the whole trip through the ant-farm had also gone uncharacteristically silent. The whole trip Wilbur had wanted nothing more than a few seconds of quiet from him, but now he missed the carefree noise.

They were on their way to see the ant King. A type of ant that, as far as Wilbur knew, didn’t exist. So either they were on a wild goose chase, or Will was way out of his depth.

The further they went, the more he was convinced it was the latter.

“Tommy do you-” Wilbur paused, his echoing voice in the tunnel almost felt like a taboo. An affront to the maddening silence that stalked them. He lowered his voice.

“Do you think… Will I ever get back to normal? Will the ant king change me back?” He hated that little quiver in his voice. He hated the uncertainty. The waiting.

Tommy continued to march forward silently, pondering the question.

“I dunno big man, I think you’ve changed heaps since you got here.” He turned his head to flash Wilbur a grin “Then you’ll be out there and all nice n shit. It’ll be poggers.”

The tunnel was dark, but not dark enough to hide the flash of uncertainty in Tommy’s eyes.

Wilbur's heart sank. “Thanks mate.” He mumbled, and they trekked on, once more in silence.

  By the time they saw light, it felt like they had been walking for days. Wilbur was almost glad he was about to meet possibly one of the most powerful ants in this colony. They rounded one last bend, and they were there.

Before them stood a huge double door set in the wall. Two vines with some kind of glowing fruit framed the door, shedding light on the small space. In front of the door, leaning on a spear made from a twig was another ant with a pair of large white rimmed goggles. 

“Well… This is it I guess.” Wilbur muttered. He cleared his throat “Hey, um. I-i’m here to have an audience with the King? If that's alright.”

The guard ant didn’t respond, continuing to stare at them with no discernible expression.

“H-hello?” Wilbur glanced at Tommy, who shrugged.

“Excuse me? Anyone home?” Wilbur snapped his fingers in front of the ant's face.

He seemed to startle slightly, before slumping down a bit and letting out a loud snore.

“What the fuck” Tommy said.

Before anyone could do much of anything, one of the massive double doors creaked open and a voice came through.

“George, I swear if you fell asleep again, I'm going to rip off your antenna and use them as- oh.”

Another ant entered the room, this one also carried a twig-spear and had a strip of white cloth tied around his forehead.  As soon as his gaze landed on Wilbur, his expression soured.

If looks could kill… Wilbur thought nervously

“It’s you” The new ant spat “Took your sweet time getting here Soot. Earthquake slow you down? Didja get a taste of your own medicine from your big pals out there?”

Wilbur pursed his lips, and the ant snorted. “Yeah. Thought so.” He walked forward and gave George a hard shove, sending the other ant sprawling with a startled yelp.

“Sapnap what the hell?!” He snapped, before spotting Wilbur and Tommy. “Oh hey. That guy is here.”

“Yeah he’s here, idiot.” Sapnap smacked George over the head with his spear “And we would have known a lot sooner if you hadn't fallen asleep on duty again!”

“OW! Sapnap stop! Get off me!”

Wilbur cleared his throat, drawing their attention “Sorry to interrupt, but me and my friend have been walking for a long, long time, so could we please have an audience with the King?”

Subpoena glared “Yeah. He’s waiting for you. Against my advice, he wants to see you.”

Oh. That… didn’t sound great.

Wilbur tried not to think about the implications of that statement as he approached the double doors. Tommy moved to follow, but was stopped by the guards.

“Hey!” He groused “Let me through dickheads!”

“I'm afraid the King only wants an audience with the great and powerful Wilbur Soot” Sapnap said with a smirk.

“But I want to go too! Let me in! You stupid ugly bitch ill fight you! You may have a fancy stick but just wait until I pull out my knife-gun!”

“Tommy its fine.” Wilbur interrupted “I’ll be fine mate, promise. Just wait here. I wont leave without saying goodbye.”

The last thing he saw was Tommy’s antenna drooping sadly, before the doors swung closed behind him.

  If Wilbur thought the tunnel was dark before, that was nothing compared to the room he was in now. The darkness was so thick, so absolute, that it made no difference if his eyes were open or closed.

“Hello?” Wilbur called “Uh… your majesty? I was told that you wanted to see me.”

His voice echoed slightly in the huge space, but there was no reply.

Wait. What was that? Something rasped ever so slowly across the opposite wall. Something big. As it moved, the moss where it had been standing glowed a dull green.

Bio-luminescence Wilbur reasoned. Trying to distract himself from the fear creeping up his spine. Touch activated, it seems.

He swallowed dryly “L-look, just tell me what you want. I’m not here to cause trouble”

The thing moved again, its raspy scuttle reverberated through the chamber.

“Wilbur Soot, not here to cause any trouble” A thoughtful voice hummed from the dark “Now that’s a first.”

The bio-luminescent moss was lighting up more of the room. If he squinted, Wilbur could make out a... leg. Probably.

Wilbur inches slowly to the side, the moss lighting up his own path. “Okay, I get it, I've done morally questionable things in the past, but I've learned a lot from my time here. I’m sorry.”

“For now” The voice replied. The thing was moving on the other side, matching him step for step. “What's to say you aren't faking remorse to get out of here? And maybe you really are sorry. How can I be sure you wont change your mind the second you're back to normal? It's too much of a risk.”

Wilbur continued to back away nervously “Your majesty-”

“Please, call me Dream. Everyone else does.”

“Right… Dream. I can say with 100% certainty that won't happen. I've seen people die in front of me. That’s enough to change anyone's stance on something.”

“And yet I'm still not convinced.” It was moving faster now, scuttling across the floor, walls and even across the ceiling. Wilbur's head spun with the motion. “And since we’re talking in hypotheticals, riddle me this: Whoever said I was going to let you out anyway? What if I just like to play with my food?”

Dream stopped suddenly, rearing over Wilbur, and with all of the lit up moss, he got his first proper look.

This ant was huge. Twice- no, at least three times the size of Wilbur himself. He looked a bit like a centaur, with a human torso connected to a pure white and thorax and abdomen.He also wore a strange white mask with a blank eyed smiley face drawn on.

Two huge claw arms- similar to those of a praying mantis- extended from Dreams waist and slammed into the dirt either side of Wilbur, startling him enough that he fell onto his ass. The king leaned forward with that lifeless grin, and Will closed his eyes, preparing for the end.

“But…” Dream said thoughtfully “A proper experiment should account and test for all variables, shouldn't it?”

“Y-yeah generally” Wilbur stuttered

“Oh good.” Dream hoisted him roughly to his feet. “I’m glad I asked you. After all, you know all about experiments, don’t you?”

Wilbur chose not to answer, glowering at Dream as the eyes on his mask briefly glowed a dull green.

A moment later, Sapnap and George marched in, dragging a cussing and struggling Tommy behind them.

“YOU STUPID MOTHEFUCKERS!!! Let me go or ill get married in rage!! Fuck you and-! Oh. wow that is a big fella.” Tommy stopped and stared in awe at Dream

“Sapnap, give Wilbur your spear.” Dream ordered.

A flicker of doubt crossed Sapnaps face but he obediently shoved the spear into Wilbur's hands.

“I’ll make you a deal, Wilbur Soot.” Dream purred, circling him. “I will let you go to your old life. You can do whatever you like; kill us, torment us, throw us away… it doesn't matter. All you have to do is kill one ant.” He gestured to Tommy.

“What?” Wilbur whispered.

“WHAT?!” Tommy roared “fuck you! I'm not your dumb-ass pawn, I'm going to kill you! Rrrrrrrrrrr!” he writhed, attempting to bite George who did a surprisingly good job of holding him still.

“Go on.” Dream cooed “It's just one insignificant ant standing between you and freedom. You've killed hundreds. What's one more?”

Spear in hand, Wilbur took a hesitant step forward.

Tommy's gaze snapped up “Wilby?” He asked, his struggling pausing for a moment.

Their eyes met, fear clashing with sorrow. Tommy seemed to see something in Wilbur's expression and hung his head in defeat. As if he had expected Wilbur to betray him.

Oh hell no. Fuck that. Wilbur angrily tossed the spear aside.

“No. I won't.”

“What?” Dream spat

Wilbur rounded on him “No! I won't kill him! Keep me here, kill me, hunt me for sport, whatever! Just leave him out of this! Tommy has been nothing but nice to me since I met him, even though it don't deserve it!” He rubbed his arm. “God knows I don't deserve it.”

“Hmm…” Dream hummed “Are you sure, even if it costs you your life?” One of Dream's massive claw arms grazed his side, a subtle threat.

Wilbur looked over at Tommy, who had a look of hope on his face.

“Yeah.” Will smiled, “I'm sure.”

I probably could have written more, but i wont. I hope you like this fic bitty! Thanks for reading :)

Edit: Fortune, this is amazing! Like, I hadn't really thought about this encounter in a lot of detail, but I honestly like this a lot! And Dream being a big boy since he's the king ant. Just yes. Thank you so much for this.

[falloutjay]

Wait, you are my hero? - Kenny x Reader

This is my first ever published x Reader fanfiction ever and I tried my best.

Just as a disclaimer, its not fully proofread, so I am already sorry for that and English also isn’t my first language so sorry again. I hope you guys do enjoy it tho.

______________________________________

Kenny McCormick/Mysterion x Reader

You walked around South Parks nightlife district, the so called "SoDoSoPa" with your good friend Bebe, when you heard a loud sound from a few streets away. People were running and screaming, some were on their phone calling the police. Curiously, you ran towards the noise, like some others.

"YN, stay here! That's too dangerous!" Bebe called, while she sprinted after you. Coming closer to where fires were already rising, you saw him.

"It's me! Professor Chaos! Scream like the little ants you are!" Professor Chaos was a super villain that had been terrorizing the town for quite a while now. He and General Disarray were feared individuals that only cared about creating chaos and nothing more. But he was not the reason you and others remained here, while most people would leave. People like you stayed for the Professors sworn enemies. The superheroes that protected this town. There weren't many, especially good ones, but one in particular made your head spin, when you heard his name.

"YN please. Let us leave. It's dangerous!" Bebe pleaded looking around the street. Professor Chaos had blown up a construction side and the fires where ravaging among the building. He stood on top of it laughing like a maniac with Disarray be his side.

"We can't leave. I want to see him."

"You're insane!" Bebe said again and looked around, obviously distressed.

"Come on, where are you." You whispered and your hand clutched onto your phone.

You hope to finally snap a picture of him personally instead of always cutting out the imagines in the newspaper or magazines.

People were still screaming when a roaring sound broke through.

Your eyes grew wide and you pressed record on your phone, holding it in the direction of the sound. A purple motorbike came around the corner and the person on it looked just as amazing as you imagined. His purple cape moved beautifully behind him, when he pulled off a sick drift and stopped the bike.

Mysterion, the most badass and beloved hero arrived. You worshipped this man.

In your opinion he was simply amazing. He was strong, courageous, and not afraid to die. You were so busy drooling over this hero, that you didn't noticed Bebe shaking your arm and screaming about the fire. Then a second hero arrived.

The somewhat hated "Coon".

He stood there, somewhat out of breath while screaming at Mysterion.  "Ah, Mysterion, my arch enemy." Professor Chaos laughed evilly and pointed at him from the top of the building.

"I'm here too Chaos!" The Coon screamed. Professor Chaos didn't even give him a glace and just waved his hand, while he laughed.

"Today, I will put an end to your hero career Mysterion." "Oh yeah? I'd love to see that." The purple clothed hero retorted cockily and laughed. “Stop ignoring me for fucks sake!” The Coon screamed angrily, stomping his foot on the ground.

"We will see who will be laughing at the end. Disarray!" Professor Chaos screamed and suddenly you felt yourself being pulled.

You screamed before a hand was put over your mouth. You managed to turn your head a little bit and catch a glimpse of the right-hand man of Professor Chaos, General Disarray. "I have someone, Professor!" He called out to the gigantic seeming blonde and he laughed evilly once more.

"I have a hostage, Mysterion. Now your chances are significantly smaller than ever!" He laughed again and thunder struck behind him.

"Mysterion?" He called out, after he noticed that the hero was nowhere to be seen. You felt yourself getting pushed around a lot and heard some fighting noises before strong hands grabbed you. You let out a quick scream, before you saw into deep blue eyes. You noticed immediately that Mysterion had saved you. You sadly had not seen much of the fight, like you wished you had. He must have looked amazing.

"Run. Now. Get out of here." He said in his extremely deep voice and you needed a second before you could process everything that had just happened, but you managed to nod hesitantly before you took off running. Running for your dear life. You kept a tight grip on your phone in your pocket and when you finally reached the street in which you lived, you took a short second to catch your breath. "What the..." You mumbled somewhat scared and giddy.

Hastily you took out your phone and looked through your gallery. Your heart started beating faster when you took a good look at the beautiful snapshot you took of Mysterion while he arrived on his motorcycle.

"That's so gonna be in my locker at work." You mumbled, smiling like an idiot and you probably were one. You barely managed to escape the sticky situation, but you felt like it was somewhat worth it.

For you it was worth it.

Your little obsession with Mysterion started back when you were in High School and he saved a little girl that was almost run over by a car. Back then he was not all that professional like he was today. He apparently received some funding by the government which allowed him to have that cool motorcycle and a little headquarters. No one knew who he was or where he stashed all of his belongings. But he was a hero. To the town and for you personally.

A little squeal escaped your lips, before you went to shower and then straight to bed. Mysterion was the only thing on your mind during all of this.

When your phone rang early in the morning, you were already up and going about your day. You had the picture you endangered yourself for yesterday already printed out and in your work bag.

You worked for a little company belonging to Eric Cartman. He founded it a few years back and it changed its focus ever so often.

Eric paid you well and that's what kept you in the job. When it was time to leave you simply got into your car and started driving to the outskirts of the town where Eric had his little company. You parked on your employee parking space and saw one of your close friends and also colleagues walk up.

Stan Marsh.

He was honestly better than this job, but he simply wanted to escape his father for some time, because he hated the weed farm he owned, and Eric promised him some good money.

"Morning Stan!" You called out and waved towards the raven haired. He waved back and quickly jogged up to you.

"Hey, YN. Did you hear about the whole thing yesterday with Professor Chaos?" He asked and you showed your phone.

"Already read all the articles aaaand..." You quickly pulled up the snapshot you managed to sneak yesterday. Stans eyes grew wide.

"Woah! You were there?" "Yeah! And the girl that almost got kidnapped by Disarray? That was me." You smiled and Stan shook his head. "weren't you with Bebe yesterday?"

"Yeah." You began, as the two of you sat down at your desks. "She's somewhat pissed about me standing around in danger but she's happy I wasn't hurt." Stan smiled warmly at you and you guys talked for some more until Cartman strolled into your shared office.

"Okay. Okay. So... I want a new article about Coon for my blog and I need you, Stan, to please sort out the client data and phone anyone who hasn't bought our new merch." Eric said and pointed at the "Who is the Coon?"-T-Shits and Hoodies that hang on the wall.

"But no one likes the Coon?" Stan questioned and Erics face grew a little red. "Everyone loves the Coon. Mysterion is just some asshat who plays dress up and tries to mingle with the professionalism of the Coon." Eric said through gritted teeth and Stan and you rolled your eyes.

"Sure thing." Stan mumbled and started typing. "YN, for today, please research me some new money-making ideas." You nodded and went searching.

Hours went by in which Stan and you would love to just bang your head against the tables. "Why is he so obsessed with the Coon? You could almost think he is the Coon." Stan mumbled. "Almost but... You never know. I mean, we probably will never know who Mysterion is." You answered and filled out the papers needed for a new money-making idea. Last time you guys tried NSFW-Patreon drawings; the problem was though that none of you could produce enough hentai to keep up with the demand. You guys did not notice that you had been working for a while until two beautiful blonde-haired boys poked their head in.

"You guys coming for lunch?" Butters asked. "Yeah, haven't noticed it's lunchtime yet." You said and peeked at your watch. "Hardworking as always." Butters smiled and just now you noticed he had a black eye.

"Butters, what happened there?" Stan asked and he looked scared for a second. "Just some guy who beat me up at the bar, nothing to worry about fellas." He smiled and honest to God, he was just a little sunshine all around. Unlike the blonde next to him.

Kenny was more of a player and very down to earth. He was super charismatic and confident despite his troubled upbringing.

You packed your bag and followed the guys.

Kenny didn't work for Cartman. He worked in a small car shop just a few buildings away. You didn't know why he refused to work with Cartman, but you could guess it was maybe due to Cartman being a little shit sometimes and him telling the blond always "You're pooooor Kiiinny."

Maybe Cartman’s terrible attitude really was the reason the blonde refused to work for him and only came here to have lunch with you all. "Where are we eating?"

You asked and watched Stan and Butters discuss on where to go. "How about Cafe Monet?" Stan proposed and you all agreed. Well, not really, Kenny didn't agree, he just tagged along. Once you all arrived and you were seated you guys searched through the Menu.

Kenny didn't and you knew he wasn't going to order since he was adamant about saving everything he had.

You know that since he once told you that he was saving everything he had for his sister.

You had met Karen a few times and she was a pure little angle, so you felt hard for the blond.

It melted your heart that he was trying so hard to better himself and help his siblings. Feeling generous you slid your Menu over to the blonde and smiled. "Pick something. It's on me." You whispered and he eyed you confused.

"I don't need some charity shit or something. I'm fine with eating my lunch later." He said, his blond bangs framing his face elegantly. "I know. Just see it as a friend treating a friend." You whispered back and he gifted you a half smile and went to look what he would like. Finally, you decided on a nice Fav/Dish and Kenny picked a bit of fish with potatoes and greens.

"Eating all healthy?" You questioned when the waiter out down the plate in front of him. "Yes. Staying fit is important." He said and winked confidently. You were so busy talking to the blond next to you, you did not notice the topic of your other two friends. "No no, YN was the girl." You turned your head to look at Stan pointing at you. "Huh, sorry, what was that?" You asked and Stan laughed.

"You were the girl who got almost caught up in professor Chaos evil plan weren't you?" Butters looked at you with wide eyes. He seemed trembling.

"Oh yeah, that was me. General Disarray was about to take me somewhere, but I was saved."

"Why were you there anyway?" Kenny asked with a full mouth. "Snapping pics of her crush." You eyed Stan angrily.

"He's not my crush."

"Tell that to your locker." You rolled your eyes.

"I managed to snap some good pics of Mysterion. I mean.... look!"

You digged out your phone from your pockets and showed the pictures around. "You should be a photographer or something I mean, damn. His ass Looks amazing in this one." Kenny said and inspected the pictures intensely.

"Don't encourage her to endanger herself anymore. And besides that, I don't think Mysterion would want to bang your boney ass." Stan commented snarky.

"Still more ass than you, flat cake." The blonde retorted and you and Butters simply watched the small verbal fight between them, before the two of you talked about some fashion things you knew about.

After lunch it was all back to work. It was getting tiresome around the last hour and it felt like a horrible drag. But eventually, you were finally done. You walked outside, together with Stan and you stood there.

"You need a ride home?" You asked him and he shook his head.

"Nah, I'm eating out with my family today. Just a small way to walk." You nodded and the two of you bid your goodbyes.

You got into your car and let out a deep breath. Work was tiring today, and you felt like just relaxing at home. It would be nice to maybe fill your bathtub with some loving hot water, some candles would also be nice. And cake. Yes. A cake would be needed.

So, you decided to make a small stop at the bakery before you would go home. You left your parking space and began driving through the night as you noticed a special someone sitting at a bench at the bus stop. You pulled the car up to the bench and rolled down you window.

"Kenny, what are you doing here?"

The blonde looked up from his phone and seemed surprised that you stood or rather parked there.

"Oh, I'm just waiting for the bus, the usual." He said and looked around. "But I feel like it's not coming."

He shrugged and you leaned over to open your car door.

"Hop in, I'll bring you home." You said and he reluctantly got it.

"Stop being nice, I feel like I am taking advantage." He mumbled and closed the door.

"What happened to your truck?" You asked, wondering what must have happened that Kenny had to take the bus.

"Some stupid racoons infested it and bit through some cables. I can swap them, but I had to order them online and it takes a while until they arrive." He crossed his arms, thinking about how much he wanted to strangle those stupid racoons.

"Honestly, I'm starting to see a pattern on why Coon is a raccoon."

Kenny laughed wholeheartedly with you. "That's the best thing I heard about him." Kenny bit his lip and wondered if it was okay for him to ask what he had on his mind for a while.

"Now that you already picked me up and all that..." You stole a quick glance at him before your eyes went straight back to the road. You nodded to signal him to continue.

"Would you mind hanging out for the evening?" He asked, charming as ever.

You thought about it for a moment.

"Sure, why not. I'll still get me some cake though." You said and pointed at the approaching bakery.

"Why?" He questioned curiously as you parked swiftly in front of the store.

"I feel like taking a nice long bath later and maybe I'll relax with some cake."

"You don't need cake to relax when you can have me."

Kenny's smile was incredibly devious and playfully. Normally girls would probably freak out or something about this comment, but between you and Kenny it had become somewhat normal.

"No thanks. The cake won't disappoint me after thirty seconds." You said and got out.

Kenny wanted to protest but you simply smiled devilishly and went straight into the store. Kenny used this time he was given to think of some witty comebacks.

He was not gonna let you have the last word about this. When you came back to the car, and got in, you were told: "You don't need to hide that you just wanna masturbate and think about Mysterion while touching yourself.

Kenny sat there with a smug expression and you rolled your eyes. You placed the package in the back and then gave him a light punch onto the arm.

"That one was good, I'll admit that. But you know, I'd rather think about Mysterion than be touched by you." You said and laughed.

Kenny needed to laugh too, mainly because the whole topic was simply in his favor, even when you were not aware of that.

"Ah, I love our banter." Kenny said and got comfortable in the passenger seat while he watched you drive.

"So do I. Oh, by the way, I got you and Karen some cake too. You'll treat me another time."

"Treat you with my dick? Or would you like my tongue?"

"If your name isn't Mysterion, no chance."

It was more banter to you than actually real. You were not that horny for Mysterion.

Everyone just loved to make this shitty joke at your expense ever so often, but you honestly didn't mind.

"Ah come on. And if I get a costume like his and change my voice a little?"

"Still no chance. Sorry Ken."

That still was a stupid lie. You sure were attracted to Kenny, I mean, who wouldn't. He was a tall, dirty blonde, blue-eyed hard-working man, with a soft spot for his family and great humor. You weren't surprised when you learned how many girls had little crushes on him. He was good looking and even when he wasn't the wealthiest, he was a kindhearted soul.

When you finally reach your apartment complex the two of you got out and Kenny followed you patiently to the fourth floor. Inside your apartment he went straight for the couch and relaxed. You let him be but reminded him of the no shoes rule. He begrudgingly took of his heavy and run-down boots and put them aside. He also, to your surprise, took of his orange trademark parka and tossed it into a corner.

"You'll pick it up later." You remarked from the kitchen when you saw him do that.

"Yeah, Yeah, I will."

You knew full when that he just said that so you wouldn't start a discussion with him. You knew that but still let it slide. For now, at least. You prepared a little sandwich for yourself before you plopped down onto the couch next to the blond.

"So, what are we doing?" You asked with your mouth full and he shrugged.

"How about you take that bath you were talking about and I watch you do so."

Did this shit eating grin ever leave his face?

"Nah, I'm good." You said and smiled back.

"Ah come on." He whined but laughed immediately after.

"Let's just watch some TV." You proposed and snagged the remote to put something on.

You guys were just lazily watching some random show while also being on your phones. All that was on your mind was that bath though. You loved Kenny to death but right now you were just craving some hot warm water all around you.

"Would you mind if I take that bath I was talking about? I really feel like I need that."

You said and the blonde smiled without taking his eyes off the phone. "I'd need you naked too."

You threw one of the couch pillows at him and pretended to laugh.

"Ha ha ha. You're sooo funny, it almost hurts me." You said, got up and walked into your bathroom to start the water.

In the next minutes you were setting up the candles and got your cake ready. When the water was almost ready, Kenny leaned in the doorway and watched you ignite the last candles.

"Jeez, you're going all out. Looks nice though." He said and gave you a low whistle.

"You wanna have me join you sweetheart?" He said and walked over to your kneeling figure. Kenny also got down to one knee and basically massaged your shoulders. You let out a deep sigh and rolled your eyes.

"Hey, Ken, listen, I really appreciate you and love our jokes and shit, but I don't think we should bang. It would be like... I don't know, super awkward if we had something and then just keep being friends and all that. And You're a great friend and I don't want to lose you, you know."

Kenny's smile faded and he frowned a little. "YN, I fucked so many girls and guys and I'm friendly with most of them and even their old or new partners. I'm sure it won't change a thing." He said charmingly and turned your head towards his.

You stared deeply into his eyes and you inspected the beautiful bright blue spots that highlighted it and the dark blue edges, while your heads came closer. You had never seen Kenny’s eyes up close.

And suddenly it struck you.

It felt like an ice cube slide down your spine and you trembled. You pulled your head back and basically fell onto your ass. Kenny eyed you confused and offered you a hand to get back up.

"No, I'm fine... I-I'll just take the bath if you don't mind." You laughed nervously and still confused Kenny nodded and held up his hands in defense.

"I get it, I get it. You won't resist me forever." He smiled and walked out. You were left there, breathing away the strange feeling of panic.

You quickly undressed yourself and went into the hot water. It calmed your racing thoughts down for a little bit and you managed to order them.

The blue, the highlights, the dark edges that formed a beautiful circle. The few freckles underneath the eyes. Why did Mysterion and Kenny have identical eyes? What, How, why, just... Argh!

You began stuffing yourself with cake and tried your best to make any sense of the situation. Was Kenny Mysterion, or did they just have similar eyes?

Or... You thought about it long and hard and eventually.... It kind of just... Clicked?

It made sense.

Kenny was living alone, he was young, in shape, the piecing blue eyes, the need to protect others, some jokes he made... It... It just fitted together like a puzzle.

You quickly finished up your bath and went outside after blowing out the candles.

"What a view." Kenny joked from the couch and you just went straight into your bedroom.

This perverted guy you were close friends with was really the pure and kindhearted Mysterion? In your head it barely made any sense but you kind of just felt like your theory was correct.

You got dressed quickly and just sat on your bed, trying to picture the blond in the purple costume without the hood.

It just fit.

The height, the figure.

Everything.

After a few minutes you heard a knock on your door and carefully Kenny came in.

"Good, you're dressed. Even if I don't mind you in less clothes."

You didn't respond or gave him any attention.

"YN, is everything, all right? You're suddenly so wei- You're Mysterion, aren't you?" You interrupted him and looked straight at him.

He seemed surprised, taken back, unsure.

Everything, Kenny was normally not.

"Me? Mysterion? Sweetheart, was the water too hot?" He laughed when he collected himself again.

"No. Not at all. When Mysterion saved me, he starred straight into my eyes. You guys have the same eyes, freckles, skin tone." You said and waved your hands around.

"I guess no point in denying then. I should have been more careful." He said and sat down next to you.

"Please keep it to yourself. I'm sure if someone knows who I am, they will target the people I'm trying to protect." He said and his hand went through his hair.

"Does anyone else know?" You questioned and he shook his head.

"Nope. Not even Karen. It is dangerous if someone knows who I am. So, I always kept it a secret. I guess my only mistake was trying to fuck you after you were that close to Mysterion but..." He grinned evilly, "You said no one could fuck you except Mysterion. So... Here I am." His hand moved from his head to his knees, presenting himself.

"I wish I was as confident as you." You mumbled.

"I can't believe the hero I always looked up to is... You?" You said, raising and eyebrow and inspecting the blonde once more.

"Disappointed?" He questioned and tilted his head.

"I don't know."

"You wanna know what's funny to me?"

You looked at him, waiting for his reply, but as soon as you saw that shit eating grin on his face, you knew it'd be bad.

"That ass you admired and took pictures of was mine. The guy in your locker is me. It is so funny. You obsessed over me, without knowing it was me. That's so fucking funny, I wish I could tell someone."

He laughed his ass off and fell onto your bed. He just kept saying how funny it is and you felt more and more like a fool.

"Can you shut up, this is embarrassing and confusing you asshat." He finally got back up and held his hands up in a defensive manner.

"Woah, woah, no need to be so hostile." He spoke. You simply rolled your eyes.

"I love that I now have more material to make fun of you. But also, I feel flattered that you love me, without having seen this beautiful face."

"Someday you'll choke on that humongous ego of yours."

"I'd rather choke you."

You had a small starring contest and you lost when you just busted out laughing.

"So, now that you know my secret, I'm sure you will not say anything about it..." He asked and took your hand.

"I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Good, otherwise I'd have to kill you." He said in his Mysterion voice and the grip on your hand got stronger. You felt scared for a second, before he smiled again.

"Just a joke." You just nodded.

"Ahh, come on Sweetheart..." You looked at him again and he had this smug expression once more.

"Don't you love this." And he switched the voice again.

Still somewhat embarrassed and also confused because the guy you had a small crush on turned out to be a friend of yours, your cheeks heat up and immediately Kenny picked up on it.

"I can tell you like it." He whispered into your ear.

"Dude, this feels like some weird roleplay or something." You giggled.

"We can make it that. I still have some of my older costumes."

You laughed once more and bit your lip, while Kenny pushed you slowly onto your bed and got on top of you.

"Oh, shut up Mysteribitch."

"Oh, I'll make you my bitch."

He laughed, before he slowly pressed his lips onto yours. His lips felt somewhat rough and at the same time smooth, kind of just like you imagined what it'd be like.

And also, just like you imagined, his tongue found its way into your mouth rather quickly.

You continued making out for quite a while and honestly, to you it felt like heaven. But eventually you carefully pressed your hands against his chest after they had wandered down from his soft hair and you pressed him away.

"What... Don't tell me you're thinking about this staying friends shit again." He said somewhat aggravated. You shook your head.

"No, I just wanted to ask if you could bring one of those old costumes next weekend. Maybe we can pick up on that roleplay idea." You whispered against his lips and he smiled into the now following kiss.

"Good. I was just gonna say that I don't wanna be friends. I kinda wanna be more. I like you a lot YN." He whispered in-between the kisses.

"I'm fine with that." You whispered back and the two of you just smiled into the many kisses you now shared. And pretty much, just like you expected, it didn't take long for Kenny’s hands to roam around your body and finally wandered underneath your shirt.

You did not just make out that night.

It led to much more and you loved every second of it. When your alarm woke you up in the morning, it felt strange to feel these strong arms around you. You carefully woke Kenny up and told him it was time to get up.

"I don't wanna. It's so nice here. The view it to die for." He said as you got up.

"Go shower. I'll drop you off at work."

"Fine." He mumbled and walked past you, naked.

"The pure confidence of this man."

You got dressed and ready for work, as did Kenny begrudgingly. While you also made him a bit of lunch, he stole some kisses ever so often. You honestly were surprised at this, you imagined this part differently, but of course you did not complain. When you were finally in your car and on your way to work, he proposed an idea.

"Okay, so of you wanna do that roleplay shit, I'll Go the extra mile. Just for you, I'll surprise you with the whole thing. Just leave your window open next weekend and you might be visited by the hero with the great ass." He winked.

You bit your lip, feeling aroused just thinking about it.

"I will do so. Hope Mysterions dick is as good as my boyfriends." You teased and Kenny laughed rather hard.

"Feels strange hearing you say that, but I can get used to it."

"Good." You answered and you two smiled like idiots, thinking all about your crazy plans, while you pulled into your parking space.

"You walk over to your work?" You questioned as you saw Stan approaching from the corner of your eye.

"Yeah. See you at lunch, Babe." He pressed a final kiss onto your lips and took off to his own work.

Stan whistled as you caught up to him.

"I thought you were crushing on Mysterion?" Stan questioned with a smile on his thin lips.

"I kinda got over it. Kenny's a pretty good catch anyway, I think he's the closest to Mysterion that there is." You smiled and Stan laughed at your comment.

"If You say so."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it." You smiled, knowing this secret between you and Kenny will spice thing up in your relationship.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (January 24/2021) - The Eggpire Makes Its Move

Today is the day of the Egg!

Fundy returns and theorizes a possible connection between the Crimson and Dreamons, the Eggpire exposes Tommy to the Crimson for the first time, and Sam runs into a bit of trouble at the end.

Meanwhile, Puffy is caught in the middle of everything, wondering what she’s to do about all of this.

Also, Tales From the SMP continued with a new episode set in the far future!

As usual, a short summary of the week’s total events is at the end of this post.

---

- HBomb hosts Badboyhalo and Captain Puffy’s episode of L’Cast!

- Fundy comes online after a short break! He is intensely confused by everything, especially the Blood Vines.

- Fundy speaks with Puffy, who starts filling him in on what’s going on with the Egg.

- Fundy goes around graffitiing the Eggpire propaganda like Ranboo did.

- Puffy leads Fundy to Church Prime to get hazmat suits to visit the Egg.

- They go down to the spider spawner. Fundy starts hearing Ranboo screaming. Tubbo has learned how to weaponize Catmaid HBomb against him.

- Puffy shows Fundy the Egg. A new Egg has appeared on top of the first one...

- Fundy realizes that he recognizes the room. Back in the second Dreamon Hunter stream, where they recruited Sapnap, he’d told Badboyhalo to dig out the room for a Dreamon Hunter base.

Tubbo didn’t think Bad should be involved, though, so they ended up leaving him out of it to continue digging the room anyway.

Fundy suspects the Egg...May be connected to a Dreamon taking advantage of Bad.

- Puffy shows him the Eggpire meeting place. Fundy thinks that Bad has gone bad. 

- Ranboo comes by and Fundy and Puffy try to get his attention, but he doesn’t seem to notice them. He just keeps walking, picking up grass blocks and placing them elsewhere. Both of them are surprised.

- Puffy makes eye contact with him and suddenly she can’t move. Ranboo then disappears.

- Fundy starts creating a conspiracy cork board in the museum trying to figure out how everything that’s been going on could connect, from Ranboo to Badboyhalo to Dream in the prison to Glatt, Phil...everything.

- Puffy fills Fundy in on what he missed in the Finale. Fundy is shocked to learn of Schlatt’s book and Dream losing two lives. 

Puffy tells Fundy that Dream’s now stuck in the prison.

- Fundy gives his hypothesis on how everything connects. 

Dream cheating on Fundy is connected to Schlatt is connected to George not logging on which is connected to the nukes which are connected to Charlie which is connected to red which is connected to the Egg and BBH.

Red is the key.

And red + blue = green, which is why Dream is involved!

And Techno?

THIS IS THE POTATO WAR SEQUEL.

IT’S BEEN THE POTATO WAR THIS ENTIRE TIME.

- Fundy makes a BBH diss track.

- Tommy comes online. For some reason, where are a bunch of random grass blocks clogging up his room.

- Tommy goes to Sam Nook, who informs him about the red Egg and its danger to his construction plans. 

- Fundy confronts Tommy as well and tells him about the red that’s been spreading around.

- Tommy finds Antfrost at the mansion. His eyes have gone pink.

- They speak. Antfrost tells Tommy about the Eggpire and asks if he would like to join.

- Bad comes over without his disguise on. Tommy notices it and he quickly puts on the disguise.

- Tommy asks Bad about the Egg, who also says it’s very great.

- Antfrost repeatedly speaks in Standard Galactic, sending cryptic messages about the Egg and Tommy’s fate being sealed.

- The Eggpire members attempt to bring Tommy under the influence of the Crimson by exposing him to the Egg’s effects in the Egg chamber. Though the Crimson upsets Tubbo greatly, Tommy is left unaffected by it, meaning he is like Punz and Sam and possibly resistant to its effects.

He doesn’t hate it nor love it, but is simply neutral.

- Sam Nook comes to the rescue and Tommy and Tubbo escape the Eggpire before long.

- Sam Nook orders Tommy to destroy the Reverse Coaster before he can continue with the construction of the hotel.

- Ranboo and Techno go exploring together. Ranboo uses his newfound powers to get a spawner and some cake.

---

It’s time for Tales From the SMP: “The Lost City of Mizu!”

Four average fishermen, hundreds of years in the future, who have heard the events of present-day SMP as folklore, stumble across some evidence that leads them to believe these old stories may be real...

---

The Cast:

Karl’s character’s name is Isaac.

Dream’s character’s name is Ranbob.

Bad is Benjamin.

Ranboo is Charles.

Quackity is Cletus.

---

- There’s a book left at their front door, telling them of stories that have been passed down from generation to generation. 

There’s a lost underwater city that could hold information about the history of this world.

Signed,

K.

- They hop into boats to travel to the coordinates.

- They reach the Lost City. There’s a welcome book there that speaks of the “Great Disc Wars” of the past.

- They find a strange man in the underwater city who comes to greet them.

- Ranbob tells them about how he’s been so lonely down here alone.

- He leads them to the Community Room. There’s a hallway that leads to a locked door, and Ranbob doesn’t know where the key is.

- Ranbob shows them the Cafeteria. He’s been stuck down there so long, his memory isn’t very good.

- There’s a room with a mural full of George portraits. Ranbob tells them the tale of George: greatest king to ever rule during the Disc Wars. The longest-reigning king over the SMP, as proven by the pictures found all over the ancient area.

Eret was the tyrant who tried to take over with an iron fist, killing George.

- There’s another chamber dedicated to a man named Ranboo. Ranbob is a descendant of Ranboo on his mother’s side, and his ancestors were the Book-keepers. The people with the best memories who wrote down the history books to know what happened. Ranboo was the greatest of scholars, a writer who documented everything. His memory was supreme.

- Isaac finds a key to Sapnap’s room, the room of the great warrior.

- Sapnap was a brute with a love of pets who started the great Pet War over his defense of them. There’s a historic axe reminiscent of the ones used to cut down Ponk’s Great Tree. He apparently had many wives.

- They find an abandoned farm. Someone poisoned the soil long ago.

- The people of Mizu held a Council meeting on their decreasing food supply.

- Bob leads them to the power room.

- Next, they enter the room of Fundy. The residents of Mizu were unsure if Fundy was a pet or a person. Perhaps Tommy’s pet? 

- They find a key to the Quackity room.

- Ranbob says his memory has been damaged after years of loneliness and torment. For some reason he’s carrying TNT.

- Quackity was incredibly stupid, but very nice. A nudist bard who pranked other members of the server, who idolized Skeppy. He kept to his optimism despite all the chaos that surrounded him, perhaps because he was too dumb to understand the tragedy of what was happening.

- Next is Skeppy’s room. Skeppy had some type of poisoning that made him bright blue, so rich his skin was diamond-coated. He may have been married to Badboyhalo. He may have turned yellow.

- Badboyhalo’s room looks a little similar to the Crimson...Bad was a powerful magician and prolific swearer. 

- The next room is a bit of a mystery. There’s an ancient cartoon on the TV. This character’s room needs access to the water. One moment he seems important, the next he’s nowhere to be found.

- Next is the Tubbo room, full of beehives and honey, and an ancient picture of a revolution on the wall. Tubbo was one of the great Manburg Warriors, a leader whose greatest follower was Tommy. Directly upstairs from Tubbo’s room is Tommy’s, who was married to his wife, the Queen. 

Tommy liked to collect damaged plates with holes in the middle.

- Ranbob leads them to the Tree Dome Room. In it is a great tree, some swings, and a little wooden bench with a jukebox beside it. Ranbob goes missing.

- Ranbob returns and burns the tree after Cletus climbs it. Cletus burns to death. People don’t live after coming here...Ranbob blows himself up.

- There may be a way to survive, but no one ever returns from the City of Mizu.

- There’s a room full of lava and parkour. Benjamin is chosen to traverse it. Isaac gives “Benji” a kiss first. He doesn’t make it out alive. Isaac attempts it next. He makes it and obtains the final room key.

- Dream’s room.

- Ranbob appears in the doorway.

Ranbob: “Everybody here had an idol that they worshipped...and mine was Dream.”

-

Isaac: “Was Dream a good man?”

Ranbob: “...Yes...Yes, he was a very good man...depending on what you think ‘good’ is. Nobody...Nobody leaves here.”

- Ranbob kills them both, ending it.

...

- Karl is in his library, writing the tale...of the Lost City of Mizu. He puts the book and its poster in their place.

- He then writes the first entry of his diary.

Every time he travels, he forgets a little more. Maybe one day he’ll forget who he is entirely. He wonders if he should stop, but decides he must keep going, attempt to right some wrongs and steer the world in the correct path.

Don’t forget who you are.

---

- Bad comes online, thinking about the events of earlier. He’s surprised that Tommy, while NOT immune to the Egg, is neutral to it.

- Bad plans to carve a tunnel all the way to the Egg so that the Egg’s influence can flow unobstructed, hopefully speeding up the growth of the Vines.

- They planned to feed Tommy to the Egg, but it didn’t seem to be working.

- Bad and Antfrost confront Sam. Sam is fed up with the two of them getting muddled in the Egg business and wants them to put a stop to it. Sam Nook was acting on Sam’s orders.

As an affiliate to both Tommy and Tubbo through their building projectts, Sam has a personal reason to be upset with the Egg. Sam doesn’t want Tommy’s mental state deteriorating because he’s set to get a share of the profits of the hotel.

- Puffy is horrified that Bad would take children down to the Egg without hazmat suits.

- Antfrost’s eyes have gone full red.

- Bad tries to convince Sam that his priorities are backwards.

Bad: “Sometimes, in order to become a hero, you have to start off as a villain.”

- Bad insists that they need the Egg as a uniting force. Something that everyone can agree upon that it’s a bad thing, so that they can all come together to fight it as one.

- Sam is furious at the suggestion that Tommy needs to go. He’s aware of the things that Dream did to Tommy in exile because Dream’s been telling him.

- Finally, Bad gives in and agrees that the Egg has been influencing him too much. He asks Sam to put all his stuff in a chest. Sam refuses, but agrees to give his pickaxes to Antfrost.

- He leads Sam to stand in the middle of the Meeting Room. He gives Sam a hug  and presses a button that opens a door directly beneath him, shooting Sam down into the Egg Room, right on top of it. They lock him in there until he learns to love it and attempt to kill Puffy.

Sam fell right into the obsidian objects that had appeared on top of the Egg, now trapped in it. Bad poked holes in there so that he could be infected through it.

- Puffy is horrified, saying that Bad is starting to sound like Dream. She runs to the Holy Land.

Puffy: “Everyone I care about’s getting locked up somewhere!”

- The two of them lead Puffy to the Egg.

- Puffy tries and fails to convince them that she’s come under the Egg’s control. They don’t fall for it and give her a ten second headstart to start running. Puffy escapes.

- Puffy makes it to the safe room. She needs to speak with Fundy and get things back under control. She digs a tunnel and starts making a new cork board to try and remember all the lines she and Fundy made to connect everything.

- Puffy is horrified at the idea of the Dreamons being involved. Is Dream connected to this too?

- Puffy writes an entry in the Captain’s Log. She’s done being a knight. It means nothing.

Puffy: “It’s time for anarchy. It’s time for the people, not for the factions.”

- She goes to the Crater to think of all the memories that had been wiped away. How did it come to this?

Puffy: “I’d rather have had Dream than this. At least Dream knew his limits sometimes.”

- She plans on trying to set Sam free tomorrow and perhaps seek out Technoblade eventually.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Everyone and their mom wants to visit Dream at some point

- Nuclear weapons test (January 26th)

---

END OF WEEK RECAP:

1/18: Founding of the Syndicate, Hannah joins the server, Eggpire propaganda

1/19: HBomb leaves home, Tommy’s last night, Punz’s discovery

1/20: SEASON TWO FINALE

1/21: Snowchester declares independence, Tommy’s visit with Dream

1/22: Slimecicle joins the server

1/23: The Fever Dream Episode, start of the capitalism plot

1/24: The Eggpire attacks, Tales From the SMP: “The Lost City of Mizu”

[1ddotdhq]

🍿Fri 9 Oct ‘20🃏

Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahaha. Okay. Am I done? I think I’m done. So, um. What kind of day has it been, guys? 

Let’s start with the...less unusual, and then really get into it. Harry’s team has sent his for your consideration Grammy packet to the music academy, Back To You was certified Platinum in the United States (!!! it’s what she deserves!!), Niall first posted to let us know he was going out and about with his bike, and then, sure enough, was seen out and about in London today with his $7.5K cherry red bike and Navy Blue bike shorts (note: he wasn’t riding his bike - he was walking it), Zayn and Gigi had their first date night ft. pasta [!] at the farm house since the birth of their daughter, and someone from the GBBO baked a Harry Styles cake, but the flavor is still unknown. Niall also took to twitter to tell everyone that the last four years of the Trump presidency feels like an episode of punk’d. 

That’s a GREAT segue into what the rest of the day felt like for me! First, someone noticed that Louis’ (official) website had been changed: the Walls CD was now listed as having 13 tracks instead of 12. Was this? A deluxe version? A new song? A website editor’s mistake? And then, if that wasn’t confusing enough, Louis registered a new song that was co-written with Jamie Hart and credited Noel Gallagher (the exact same people credited on Walls, the song). The song registered was called “Today Show” and that immediately got people wondering if THIS could be the secret 13th song on the album! Alas, it is not. Apparently, it is the registration of the performance of Walls, the song, from the Today Show, which explains the writing credits. It does not explain the secret 13th song, but at this point, the easiest explanation is that a graphic designer made a typo. 

Louis had no comment on the potential new songs, but he DID show up in Liam’s live! Oh my God. Liam’s live. Okay, well. The first thing we should talk about is that he has called his Halloween show his biggest yet, and he has not yet decided on a costume (pls be Harry Potter) but he was open to suggestions: Leroy the Choreographer was a popular one, as was Harry Styles (“which era of Styles, though?”), and even old school Liam himself. We got a reprise of parts of Watermelon Sugar and the “a door”/Adore discourse and even a bit of a live reaction to the song itself, and a confirmation that Liam and Tom are gonna do a duet (“I slithered in” jkfdhfkjda !!!!!). 

Okay, then. That’s about it for the sort of weird news, now let's get into the REALLY ODD things. It started normally enough, with the chat asking Liam what his favorite country was, and he said that his favorite trip was getting to go to Africa with Ant Middleton (the British reality TV adventurer), which he called “eye opening”. He said that the TV special they did together was them talking about their lives, and went on to say, “it was good, it was good, I slept on the floor with loads of animals. It was like being in One Direction!” and cackled (I did too!). “Sorry,” he said, “I HAD TO!”. Uh, no, you didn’t, said Louis, who popped on to tell him to “watch your mouth”. “AYYYY,” said Liam, “Louis’ watching...I bet [he] won’t come on, because [he’s] camera shy!” Dicho y hecho, Louis was like No <3 and DID NOT send a request to join the live. “He makes me feel WARM,” said Liam about Louis. YEAH CUZ  HE’S THE SUN HAVEN’T YOU HEARD???? 

Was it for Lilo?? NO! OF COURSE NOT! In a second live, Liam, about thirteen minutes in, said, “Oh! Hang on! We *really* have to talk about something!”, and started talking about how “the other day” he took Maya (who had been in the fandom before dating him) to see a movie she had been wanting to watch - “After We Collide”. He described the film as “not the sort he’d watch” and “RAUNCHY as hell”, and then! He found out - AFTER (hehe) watching the movie - that the characters were based on One Direction (*giggles loudly* “which I mean was just the FUNNIEST THING EVER”). AND IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, Maya then made him watch the FIRST film in the series (“which I kind of sat through”). About the whole thing, he said, “it was...an interesting viewing perspective”. 

Liam liked that his character (Landon, apparently) was a caring half brother who wanted the best for everyone, however, he said, “I feel like, sometimes, I’m a little bit the main guy [YIKES]...Who was obviously based on Mr. Styles”. He then said, with a completely straight face, “I feel like we always have a bit of Hardin Scott in us - that sounds weird”. He said that he really went down the rabbit hole with this one (oof), and realized that Landon’s physical description was “a young David Beckam”, and then he started giggling again. He did manage to stop laughing long enough to 1.) call fanfiction and fan creation “so cool” 2.) confirm that he’s now in it for the long haul and will be watching the third installment of the series and 3.) to tell Louis to watch it! “If Louis is [still] watching,” he said, starting to laugh again, “PLEASE just go and check that out for me. Just please dedicate an hour of your life, and just. Just have a little watch”. Liam’s chaotic energy? UNMATCHED! Honestly, I also want to hear Louis’ thoughts on this movie - I have a feeling they aren’t going to be as diplomatic as Liam’s were.

[balkanradfem]

Since I started some ant drama lately, I’m here to talk about ant tricks knowledge that was bestowed upon me by youtube. Ants themselves are not a dangerous pest (except maybe for strawberries, I had a strawberry occupied by ants before) but they will keep aphids as pets. They learned how to farm bugs. I wonder how they got that idea. Anyway, they will increase the number of aphids and protect them. So, how to get rid of ants?

I’ve never tried this trick because it feels very unethical and god-playing in the garden, but for desperate times, it’s good to know it exists. If you have 2 ant hills, you can scoop the top half of the ant hill, and place it on the other ant hill.

This will cause an ant war.

So basically you’re making a lot of drama and interpersonal conflict and will be remembered in ant history as an evil god who brought enemies to their home. But apparently, the ants are likely to eradicate each other. So don’t do this for fun. I’m only writing it as a last desperate measure, after you’ve tried everything else.

[ask-purpled-and-blued]

Crimsoned

Honestly? This could’ve turned out a whole lot worse.

Really, it all started with the invitation. He knew Dream decently well and they had mutual respect. Why would Purpled not check out his server? Especially when people were making content and making connections there.

Personal and some business. Win-win.

—

He accepted the invite to the SMP and intended to make an impact. Built a super cool base, got decently stacked, tamed some dogs. He even got to make some friends.

So what if he was a bit out of the loop sometimes. He’d show up to back up his friends when they needed it. He’d stand up to anyone trying to trick him or make him the butt of their joke. He’d be a good samaritan and help people out from time to time. He didn’t need much more than a thank you and some iron.

It’s also just easier to “borrow” things if he doesn’t come to mind easily.

—

Sure, missing huge events sucks.

He leaves the server for one (1) day to have lunch with some friends and his communicator is blowing up with the SMP’s open chat and VCs.

By the time he makes it back, the fighting’s being settled with a duel before anyone even tells him what the stakes are. It’s frustrating to have his dms and voice call attempts ignored in the aftermath, but he gets it. It’s fine.

It’s also fine when he finds out about the new country and they don’t let him join. Being neutral’s suited him so far and even if the thought was nice, he’s only on speaking terms with like three people there. It’d be awkward and he’d rather not insist on that.

So he flies solo for a bit. Just his dogs, sometimes Ponk, and his bedwars squad.

He builds, he mines, he breaks beds. Life goes on.

Then he gets another invitation. Hand-written by Tubbo.

There’s a festival. And honestly he wasn’t expecting to even be invited. Things were sort of tense between everyone else at the moment, he wasn’t sure if he should even show up to a large event in unfamiliar territory.

...

Fuck it, he has pearls. Tubbo’s giving a speech and it’s been forever since they’ve talked. Maybe they’ll have some time to catch up before spats inevitably break out and emotions boil over. Then he can pearl out and check off his monthly human interaction quota.

A safe plan that goes not at all to plan.

Tubbo walls off to talk to someone away from everyone else. Schlatt pulls the twist of a lifetime. Technoblade was apparently on this server and killed Tubbo in front of everyone.

At least the speech was nice. He’d tell Tubbo that if he hadn’t just gone into auto pilot and killed Tommy because someone yelled to.

He, he should probably get home. Dogchamp was still waiting for him.

Yeah, he’ll do that.

—

It’s odd.

After this long doing mindless busy work on the server and grinding bedwars, he’s almost in shock when someone turns up on his cabin doorstep.

Karl, apparently. He’s asking if Purpled would like to help Dream and Schlatt defend Manberg. Offers up a shield.

And Purpled’s indecisive about it.

He takes the shield, accepts and promises he’ll be ready. But then turns around and starts wondering who he should be loyal to.

He’s been neutral this whole time. It would’ve been so easy to just turn Karl down and bite back if they tried to force him to help them.

But he hasn’t seen anyone on this server in ages. Hasn’t sat down and had a chat for even longer. What did Manberg stand for? Why was it being attacked? Who did he just ally with? Who would he be fighting?

He has no details and Karl and Schlatt have offered him none. Dream’s dm to stay away from Manberg is pretty pointless now, considering he’s already signed up for whatever this is.

It takes him until after the first shots are fired, but he’s made his choice.

He sides with L’Manberg’s people and hopes it doesn’t bite him.

It’s a win until it isn’t. He’s glad his pearl reflexes are still up to snuff, otherwise he would’ve been done for for sure.

He witnesses a murder and says nothing about it. Kills a wither and pockets its star. Watched Technoblade threaten some children.

Maybe it’d be best to stay away from anything government-related for the time being.

—

New era, new home!

He’s got a really cool base idea in mind and he’s tested out the basics of the redstone on a pocket single-player world.

He terraforms, builds, and adjusts things until the sun goes down. And even then he keeps busy.

Farming, building, bedwars. He hasn’t seen anyone in a while-

There’s a dirt platform.

There’s an ugly fucking dirt platform that’s right over his cove. And apparently it’s a whole other country right over his home.

He wonders if it’d be worth calling up those anarchists in the woods about it.

He decides to just leave and hope it goes away.

—

He spends a lot of time away after that. Recharges in the company of friends and even takes a break from the grind too. It’s just him in Hypixel Housing with his dogs having a little vacation.

—

He comes back to the server with a lot of energy and a need to use it.

Calls up Ponk about a new business venture.

Real estate.

During his time away he had plenty of time to think about the server and distance himself from it to do so.

People value their stuff so much.

Their pets, their disks, their builds. They well and truly care about them all.

One thing they don’t really care about is the land.

It gets blown up by creepers and burnt out ex-politicians. It’s fought over, sure, but so was a goddamn cow. People will take any excuse for violence on this server.

But the point is that land claims are very valuable and very subjective. No one’s writing up deeds by the coordinate, and he and Ponk will take advantage of that.

—

It could’ve gone worse.

They technically won that duel. Antfrost owes them iron now. Scam successful.

But it raised a lot of issues.

How are they going to handle people who they can’t overpower? Can they use the law angle without getting targeted by Technoblade? How big do they want this scheme to get? How are they going to sustain it?

There are so many complications he didn’t think about before going into it. He doesn’t regret any of it, but damn he wishes he’d planned for contingencies.

Like what to do when Ant’s ally, BadBoyHalo, comes walking up to him and asks if he’d like to see something cool.

He wants to say no. He is probably going to be lured into a room and spawn trapped by the Badlands until he agrees that Ant doesn’t owe anything.

Or maybe he watches too many movies.

Regardless, Bad is over a foot taller than him and hunts Dream down on the side for fun and the content. Purpled is not in a position to resist, PvP experience means jack shit right now.

So he follows Bad to the spawner and down some more stairs.

—

Alright, he’d take the spawn trapping over whatever this situation is. This is actual horror movie shit.

There’s an egg and apparently it’s the source of all the shit that’s growing on the surface right now and Purpled does not want to be this close to it. He’s seen the alien horror movies he knows that thing has bad vibes and it’s totally gonna-

...

It’s gonna make a terrifying amount of sense.

No, no no no no. No!

He is not about to get mentally and emotionally and morally dissected by a fucking egg. He wants no part in this. He doesn’t wanna be here. This is all crazy and this egg can’t do any of those things!

He doesn’t care that Badboyhalo would probably yeet him across the room. He’s struggling and trying not to hyperventilate because the air in here is fucking disgusting and he doesn’t want that shit in his lungs.

He tells Bad he hates this and that he’s weird and crazy and that the egg’s going to ruin everything and leave nothing behind.

...

Yeah, fat fucking chance of that. The egg just wants to take over everything and spread all over the place, it doesn’t actually care about any of them. Bad is being played like a fool and whatever it offered him it won’t give him.

...

It can’t give it to him. It is a fucking egg.

That’s not even what Purpled wants! No amount of wealth is gonna make him ever tolerate this mess.

...

No.

If Bad or any of the egg’s other puppets even look at Dogchamp, Purpled will TNT Machine every chunk on this goddamn server to bedrock.

L’Manberg will look like a creeper hole in comparison.

...

Bet. Think it’s a bluff, Purpled has a surplus of sand already. He just needs to cut a deal with someone for the gunpowder and he’ll be set.

...

This is getting no one anywhere. Purpled refuses to be a part of this fucking cult and the egg can’t make him.

Why not just let him go and try again elsewhere?

...

That wasn’t a challenge. It was a statement. A fact, if you would.

...

He’s not trembling, it’s just hot in here. He has no reason to be scared of an egg.

This is a waste of time and they should just all pretend it didn’t happen.

...

He’s not scared- he just-

It’s hard to breathe, how can Bad stand it? It’s so hot and humid and miserable.

It’s not hyperventilating, it’s Purpled trying to regulate his breathing.

The egg’s seeing things. This isn’t working. It’s a waste of time. They might as well just let him go.

He’s never going to bend to the will of an egg.

...

How is it not bending to it’s will if it demands obedience and compliance? Is the egg stupid? Is that why it still insists on keeping him here?

Purpled’s not going to help an egg cover the server in its gross ass vines. Not now, not ever.

...

Obsidian walls won’t make this work any better.

...

It really won’t.

...

It’s not- Are they even still there?

The egg can’t move, but Bad is definitely not here. He’d be all loud and annoying about it.

...

Purpled does not miss Bad. Not when he’s being a creepy cult member.

He’s hardly better at conversation than the egg itself. It makes no difference whether he’s left or not.

...

That’s just fucking rude. Purpled’s not even gonna humor that one.

“Does it matter if you’re gone?” What a fucking joke.

...

This is just his life now, isn’t it? Stuck in this hole because an egg’s being a stubborn loser about having a shitty pitch.

...

That pitch was absolutely shitty.

Not in any way persuasive. Purpled’s honestly surprised the egg even has Bad with how terrible its tactics are.

...

Oh haha. Asking the captive for tips on how to better indoctrinate captives. Yeah, sure!

...

That’s not even his area of expertise. All he knows is math, bedwars, and now a bunch of loopholes.

...

It wants to talk real estate? Why on God’s green earth should Purpled open himself to conversation with this thing?

...

It did work. It totally worked.

...

The egg’s approach was worse! And no Purpled will not explain why!

...

Why does the egg even want this SMP? The land’s all gone to shit anyways and it’s constantly getting wrecked.

...

It’s serious? It is 100% serious about this right now?

...

Fuck. That’s-

...

Purpled still doesn’t want a part in this. He just wants hang out with his friends and not deal with this server’s bullshit anymore.

...

That’s fair but also the egg makes people lamer. Having egg friends is worse than not having friends.

...

That’s. Well, he could do that. Have the egg and also not have friends. Have a part in taking all that land and be able to make the most of it. Be able to-

Nope, pump the breaks. Nuh uh.

...

Shouldn’t have given it that much shit about its approach then. Purpled has to concede that much at this point.

...

Even if it seems inevitable at this point, the egg shouldn’t get ahead of itself.

There’s always the chance that someone busts in right now and pulls Purpled out before he loses the rest of his sanity down here choking on humid, tainted air. That someone will notice he’s missing without having left the server and they’ll go looking.

...

Yeah, it was a weak hope.

—

It could’ve been so much worse.

But there’s still time to make it even worse.

He’s got a base no one ever checks that has sewer access. It’d be the most use he ever got out of Area 51 and it’d be hella ironic.

They can plant more vines in there or even move the egg itself in there to keep it safe. It doesn’t seem like a very good idea to have it where people with ill intent can fuck with it.

There are places on the server where no one goes or walks by. They can plant more there and let it run as wild as it pleases.

If they’re strategic about their placement, they can take over so much of the land. The people in it can be converted after.

He didn’t want to be here and on some level he probably still doesn’t.

But he’s not one to half ass things.

He didn’t want to be here and neither will anyone else they’re going to convert.

He can’t bring himself to care anymore.

The egg’s easier. As much as he hates giving up, why was he even really trying? What was worth resisting for?

He remembers, but it doesn’t seem all that worth it anymore.

Maybe it never was.

[wokestraightpuffy]

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj