#answered by modgod

[tf2fansderogatory]

What does the team do for birthdays? Today is mine and it's got me Pondering at work

scout (from bongus):

scout’s main birthday strategy is spending the whole day moping around and being passive-aggressive until somebody notices and congratulates him; watching Scout be sad is enough of an excruciating experience that most of the team makes reminders to celebrate him first thing so they can get it out of the way, but the thing about Scout is that if you forget about his birthday he will never tell you (aside from passive aggressive remarks about how hey don’t you think today might be special somehow for some reason) and, not only that, but he will never let it go. you’re permanently tainted in his eyes. if you ever need a favor he’ll spend at least a few minutes just kind of walking in circles and going oh, but you forgot my birthday. it’s okay if we’re not friends and you don’t care enough about me to say happy birthday but don’t ask me to do something for you. y’know. as friends. and the only real way to get him to shut up here is either to strangle him to death or profusely apologize and give him a bunch of money

aka he’s a total dick about it. he doesn’t even mean to be that’s just kind of the way he is about things sometimes. if anybody gets a big birthday party though it’s scout. I think they throw a surprise party for him EVERY YEAR and it ALWAYS WORKS. he is ALWAYS SURPRISED. he’s also very easy to plan for on a budget because a $10 walmart cake and some balloons and a crapton of dollar store alcohol constitutes the best party he’s ever been to

soldier (from bongus):

no one’s sure when his birthday is—well, his real, actual one, since his enthusiastic answer of July 4th every time seems just a little too excited and coincidental to be the truth. not really the team’s business to poke at it, though; July 4th is already a big celebration anyway, and it’s basically just for soldier already, so it’s pretty convenient to just lump in a birthday thing along with it. if anybody’s feeling especially generous, they’ll buy some red white and blue icing and trace a shitty little American flag on whatever shitty box cake they end up buying. he’s not hard to please; rig up some fireworks and get some of the more patriotic (or easily bribable) members of the team to sing America the Beautiful instead of an actual birthday song and soldier’ll have the time of his life.

pyro (from bongus):

here’s one no one knows, not even medic. occasionally somebody just goes “have we celebrated pyro’s birthday this year yet” and if the answer is no (or yes and they just forgot) they’ll just buy a cupcake and stick a candle in it and call it good. pyro’s perfectly happy with this arrangement, especially if they get to keep the pack of candles afterwards.

demo (from modgod ft modbot):

i think that he’s never been one to focus an entire day on his birthday under the belief that it’s just another year around the sun where he’s gotten older, though he likes being able to spend the time with his teammates and takes the chance to go out to get drinks, and generally accepts the day as ‘his day,’ or at least as ‘his aftenoon.’ he goes home for his birthday every year that he can during the closest weekend to it, so that he can see his family and celebrate it with them, but also takes the time to be with his teammates.

heavy (from modgod ft modbot):

he probably has the most standardized birthday celebration out of the whole team. everybody knows when his birthday is, and everyone knows the routine. he’s never been huge about birthdays, but will celebrate his anyways, ‘just because’ if anything. he could and may often bake a cake for the day, maybe not for himself more than for making something that the team can come together and share, even if it’s under the umbrella of his birthday. he also enjoys baking, and isn’t your birthday supposed to be about doing things you love? spy (who is often the best about gift-giving) got him an expensive watch one year and he still wears it. he also appreciates receiving postcards and notes for the day, especially from his family, and might pin them up somewhere and keep them in a drawer.

engineer (from modgod):

if you get him a gift on his birthday, he’ll act all polite and charmed, but inside he’s rattling because his teammates thought to get him something. he usually receives cheesy gifts like mugs saying “#1 dad” or horrendously ironic t-shirts, but he’s gotten good, sentimental ones as well, or even useful ones like a new toolbox or more metal for a new sentry design. he’ll definitely make some sort of joke about being older and rustier, even if you couldn’t tell.

medic (from modgod ft modbot):

“Medic gets at least one ritual sacrifice, or people challenge him to make the most horrifyingly fucked up and scientifically improbable success out of old parts. It's a very fun creative exercise and the rest of the team gets to chase it around, which is very fun to watch.” (— modbot direct) i’m no expert in medic, but give him a body to dissect on his birthday and he’ll probably be content, and depending on the person, it’s a smaller cost and effort to get that for him compared to a cake or an alternate gift. instead of throwing a party, you could take him graverobbing in the evening, and it might have the same effect.

spy (from modgod):

he does nothing, really, at least that the team knows. they don’t know his birthday, besides medic, who has it in his medical files. he’s been given a bastille day birthday (july 14th) and accepts it, and his teammates throw a little party and wish him the best, but he’s never been one for public celebration. when it’s his real birthday, he does something for himself or by himself. he buys himself a new book, or a new suit, or new fabrics to make clothes from. if you ever wanted to know his real birthday, though, you only need to look for the day that he’s in engie’s workshop for a moment longer than normal, or when he complains a little less about going out for drinks with demo, or when he stops for a few seconds before leaving medic’s infirmary, because even if they’ll never know when his real birthday is, he thinks that he should at least spend it with his teammates.

Sniper (From Modbot):

He doesn't care about the traditional aspects of a birthday. Gifts are irrelevant, travel isn't mandatory, and breakfast in bed is simply a daily thing for him. However, his birthday is a day where, just once, he can pretend to be somebody else and connect to a normal society. He'll be missing all day, shopping but rarely purchasing, talking to people along the streets, and doing little social service projects of any sort. Usually, around the end of the afternoon, he'll clean up a creek or lake just so that he can sit by it and pretend that nothing else has ever existed, and feel happy that he and other people know he does. After that, though, he'll linger around the base. Somebody will always offer a drink, and he'll refuse it, and then he might be offered a meal that he'll overindulge himself on and then pretend to be miserably sick so that people don't stop paying attention to him. He has a secret soft spot for being pampered, and he'll pay back all of the movie nights or long talks with the best killstreak anybody has ever seen. And the day after that, the same. The day after. . . The day after. . . Happy Sniper is a ruthless monster of a man who fiddles with his birthday trinkets all day long.

[askglamrockchica]

Also hey Modgod how's Mexico bud? You having fun?

~Mouse

it was fun the first week was kinda bad but the rest of the trip was fun! I'm home now so ask will be answered more

[tf2fansderogatory]

physical affection headcanons for the team GO

Ikea: the entire offense class is prone to just running up to you and giving you an absolute huge hug for no reason other than they felt like it. they’re all incredibly physically affectionate people- Pyro because they’re a lil touch starved, Solly partially because he’s touch starved and partially because he sees only one better way of showing affection and that’s acts of service, and Scout because that’s just how he is

modgod: continuing on with the offense class thoughts. soldier will throw his arms over your shoulders and lean on you like it’s nothing, he loves physical contact, it’s his way of showing friendship. you know how big cats will playfully leap onto people? he’s the human equivalent of that. he also headbutts people affectionately (yes with the helmet on, but he’s gentle about it surprisingly). scout is the same way, but he’s a little more aware of when people don’t want to be touched, and he’s also not throwing two hundred pounds of muscle directly onto you. he’ll lean on you a bit, maybe punch your shoulder lightly, but he’s not going to knock you off your feet (not that he could, even if he tried). pyro is the most aware about touching people, and makes sure to ask first, but won’t hesitate to hug you if you say that it’s okay. they can and will pick you up off your feet when they hug you. all of them are dangerously “we will be so physically affectionate to you.”

Modbot: If Sniper were a cuddly man, and I have no doubt that he can be given the right time and person. . . He's not a hugger; he's too claustrophobic! He will, however, shove his thick skull right into another thick skull— Or chest, or shoulder— and will be deeply upset if this isn't reciprocated to a degree in which the two skeleton-havers have efficiently exfoliated each other a la feline nuzzling. His legs will also end up in the other's space, and it will be a very tangled endeavour, indeed. . . But it's not really enjoyable for anybody. This is projection. My dad and I have given each other many concussions.

Secondly, Medic has a strong grasp. . . This simply makes sense, with how tightly he has to hold onto his equipment, and the fact that any medically intrigued individual always has and always will have that unavoidably firm clasp. Unfortunately, Medic's is cold, and this holding habit of his carries over into his inability to respect or understand what personal boundaries are. If he's jolly, he'll hold his friend's shoulder very firmly, which can be funny in some cases (from an outside perspective with taller people), and downright disturbing in others (for literally everybody else, always and forever). He also tends to very casually ruffle hair in such a way that one wants to schedule a chiropractic appointment with a physician that's far far away. He's an unprovoked half-hugger in a way that communicates that he's trying to catalogue blood type through osmosis. It's imposing.

Demoman is the only person on the team with a sense of physical boundaries and weight. If he's casually affectionate, it's languid, no pressure applied. A lot of people would feel safe around him. If he's in love, though, especially with somebody who matches his energy, expect for them to end up in the same hospital bed after a cute fist fight.

Spy isn't naturally affectionate unless it is completely impersonal and unimportant. However, he's happy to invade somebody's personal space by putting his legs on the wrong footrest, or leaning just a little too close when reading something over somebody's shoulder, or really any other iteration of such. He'll pretend not to know, then look all smug about it, and it will never go beyond this. Sharing the same presence is just fine by him. God forbid somebody invades his space, though. . . If a day comes that he doesn't gingerly peel somebody's hand off of anything even moderately close to him (like a table during dinner, or the crown of his armchair), he's fallen in love.

Engineer? I can't say much. He's not likely to initiate anything, but he'll pat backs and call grown men son and maybe, just maybe, let them use his equipment here and there. He doesn't like giving hugs, and he probably smells too much like the sulfur he uses to make his own batteries, anyway. . . Not that these lunatics would care. He won't ever get used to being cute around people, but he'll make a point to be less of a goggled grouch if he knows he's that close to somebody.

Heavy is the one who's only affectionate when it's needed, and he's bloody good at it, but nobody ever has to know when that is for themselves. These displays happen oftentimes before they become a realised necessity: Homesickness is never a problem when this man knows and likes his teammates. Bonecrushing hugs, offers of personal items, and hot drinks are common— Especially for Medic, who he enjoys his quietest hours with. Otherwise, when he's not a fun tag-a-long party-animal exercising his big brother instincts, or a ghost of a presence, he's only the steel-eyed, ginormous bloodbathing beast they see him out on the field as. . . Gruff without some peace and quiet and a little too comfortable with what sometimes isn't good-natured bullying. . . He flips a dime every day, you see, and most of the time—Almost all of the time— it turns out very nicely. He puts a lot of thought into how he thinks, and he loves so much about so many things. His team is on that list. You have no better friend than a friendly Heavy.

[tf2fansderogatory]

very important question hell discord server, please poll and answer honestly. of all the mercs who has the nicest smile

[tf2fansderogatory]

excellent answer guys! now an equally but completely unrelated question to poll (which you must have a different highest answer to for no particular reason). which of the mercs is the sweetest

[tf2fansderogatory]

god my spydad hyper fixation is hitting so hard but… imagine spy and scout get sent on a mission by saxton hale to like torture some millionaire from illinois who hale dislikes or some shit and the whole time they just. talk about family stuff and spy tells scout about like how he was there at his first baseball game, at his first day of school and so one and so forth like always cloaked or disguised and scouts just like “omg dad really??? :,)” and spys just like “yeah you are my only son, mon lapin of course i would be there cuz i love you :,)” and the guy they are supposed to torture is just like “??? what the fuck” and then they get back to base and spy pulls out a big photo album of the fam and they look thru it :)

they bond while torturing a millionare <3 spy doesn’t even know how the coversation started, scout just mentioned one thing about baseball and he was like “oh yeah i remember seeing one of your games when you were young, do you remember when you fell and tripped lol” but in reality starts talking about all he remembers about child scout and scout just “!!!! you were there???” anyways they bond over photos later, happy ending

[tf2fansderogatory]

Scout probably thinks neopronouns are the absolute coolest shit. Like he doesn’t really use any himself (outside of the occasional joking “bonk” or “boinkself” cause that seems like something Scout would do) but when he finds someone that uses them he’s like “dude you’ve got a FUTURE GENDER”

he's a lil bit stupid so he doesn't understand it at all (he doesn't really know what transgender means despite being transgender) but he's very onboard with making up words to describe yourself.

someone says "I go by ze/zim" and he's like BRO!!!! BRO YOU JUST INVENTED SOMETHING!!!! YOU GOTTA TELL HARD HAT!!!!! YO ENGI WE GOT AN INVENTOR!!!!!!!

[tf2fansderogatory]

can i trade a crab/crabs for the mods’ own engie hcs ? -spycrab anon

modgod: you can have all my engie headcanons if i get a crab. engie loves country music and has actively managed to start a band with himself (banjo), soldier (drums), demo (guitar), and spy (violin) somehow. they get together once a week and play, sometimes in front of the other mercenaries. they’re very good for a group that engie pulled together in a day. (other mods will add theirs soon.)

bungus: he’s a crier. he had that whole ‘emotionally repressed in every single way’ thing going on for a few years until he figured out it’s okay to show emotion actually and he never went back. he’s so emotional all the time. he’ll cry if someone hugs him. he cries if a cat (or one of his teammates) does something cute. aroujd christmas time he sits in the living room watching shitty hallmark movie after movie surrounded by tissues just screaming and crying it’s kind of sad to watch but no one stops him bc he seems to need it. thanks for the crabs babe ily/p

[tf2fansderogatory]

hello random blog I have discovered and not one I am currently running. I have something to say.

when Im playing and someone else presses E I instinctively call for medic too because I have a mimicking thing. you know the one. Scout also has this mimicking thing and medic gets very annoyed when he will mimic others crying for help on the battlefield and he's fine.

Wow tumblr user unconfirmedbachelor that is such a good ask. Everyone should follow you. I'm sure they will be shocked at what good content you post.

[tf2fansderogatory]

hey i don't know if this is against the rules of asks but should i not interact with your blog if i have no trans or neurodivergent headcanons ? it just seems like many of you state things like "scout is trans" or "engineer is autistic" or "pyro is xenogender" like its just fact when these are never really things that i think about when headcanoning them... i really like waht this blog does but if you want me to stop coming i can stop ^^

oh no that’s not a problem lmfao. we actually are most of are those things and are literally just projecting (as well as exaggerating for the sake of comedic effect)—as long as you’re not actively disparaging us or those groups or whatever you don’t need to worry about it. don’t feel obligated to agree with headcanons you don’t have for the sake of being quirky and diverse or whatever! forcing things for the sake of being cool and hip is always worse and more insulting than the alternative😅

[edit:crabmod] oh yeah i mean i don’t think about transness when headcanoning characters because i’m cis and honestly don’t feel like it’s my place to make those hcs, you know?

[tf2fansderogatory]

medic defiantly hates the game operation, its too inaccurate and nothing makes sense. but he's the best at it out of all of the mercs because he'll be damned if he loses at a game that fits under his job description

Actually Operation is highly scientifically accurate in the tf2 universe. Either that or I don't think Medic actually knows anything about human anatomy at all both options are funny

[tf2fansderogatory]

So we all know spy is fake as fuck. I personally have a little h/c that while he’s incredibly good at picking up languages, it’s mostly in spoken word. He can piece together what someone says and assign it to root dialect or region and work his way from there. Where he encounters problems is reading.

if he can sound it out then he’s generally pretty good, however when other alphabets come into play he gets easily confused. Not to mention sentence structure and punctuation. He can speak Russian fluently but ask him to read something and he’ll bluescreen before making up an excuse as to why he won’t (can’t). heavy found out pretty quickly because of this, and medic wasn’t far behind.

spy is really good at speaking languages. he can figure out all the technicalities if he hears a language enough, can connect it to other languages he knows, can do whatever he needs to figure it out enough to converse with whoever is speaking. it’s how he learns languages best. the other mercs haven’t gotten to the bottom of exactly how many he actually knows, and he might not know either. if he knows he’ll actually need to be able to read a language, he’ll sit down and make sure he knows how to, but otherwise when he reads, he mostly relies on being able to pronounce the words in his head and translate that way. it’s worked out for him in the past.

but god forbid the day heavy makes him read something in russian. spy really did mean to learn the crylic alphabet. it is very useful. he just… never did? his bluff does not work and he does not live it down.

[tf2fansderogatory]

scout gets random ass injuries all the time and half doesn't want people to know they're hurt, and half forgets that he's injured. so every now and then engie will check up on him and be like "u good" to make sure that he doesn't get a bad infection or worsen anything he already has also because scout is just like me fr, he's never broken a bone yet is the most reckless mf ever -♟

He's so proud of never breaking a bone or getting infected in his life and medic, who knows that that is only true because he's always there, has to leave the room whenever he's bragging about it before he slaps him

[tf2fansderogatory]

i wanna know what everyone thinks the mercs' biggest phobias are. and not the actual serious trauma inducing phobias either. i mean like the most mundane comedical shit. mice and worms and birds and the sky. i think everyone's got one so what are theirs

modgod: i’m taking “everyone” as “other mods add on” because i don’t have creative answers for everyone. for soldier, it’s snakes. he’s like those cat videos where they leave cucumbers behind them so that they turn and jump, except with snakes. demo also fears snakes but is a little calmer about it. he also gives me “afraid of the sky” vibes. scout is one of those people who’s afraid of big words. people think it’s bizarre, but then then show him the word “incomprehensibility” and he dies. sniper is water. it’s why engie has to hose him down every two weeks, because he won’t touch water otherwise. spy is probably dust, he can’t and won’t touch it. bold of us to assume heavy has fear, but if he does, it’s probably literally “fear itself.” scare him and it all goes downhill. medic and engie both have bad seasonal allergies because sucks to suck, they’re terrified of pollen because it’ll ruin them, and pyro? cats.

[tf2fansderogatory]

welcome to our blog! we just love doing our funny little thing out in this funny little world of ours. this is just the big funny pinned post thing aha

official tf2transderogatory discord server (really really cool. age limit 16+)

rules tags n mod intros under the cut !

request rules (cool)

1. no nsfw whatsoever. I hope this is obvious

2. all ships allowed, save for The Forbidden One. pauling ships r on thin ice

3. we reserve the right to not answer asks if we do not want to. do not bother us about it. we are all very busy

4. and uhh common sense be nice or whatever. keep asks on-topic. play tf2 everyday stay on that grind💪

tags

characters

scout

soldier

pyro

demoman

heavy

engineer

medic

sniper

spy

miss pauling

(other character tags will be added as BUNGUS FUCKING REMEMBERS TO ADD THEM)

mod intros (vbery important:)))))))))))))) )

bungus: howdy I’m bungus. I go by any pronouns and I’m just a funny little guy if I do say so myself. find me @presidentbungus on tumbler and ao3. I am an engy lover and medic lover and demo lover and all those other guys lover too except spy he sucks:))). send me asks about science party(!!!) & swordvan & engiespy and I’ll kiss you I will

modgod: i'm @youngods aka ares/modgod and use he/they pronouns. my major blorbos include spy and soldier, major ships include engiespy. talk to me about any of them and send music headcanons this way.

ghost fish: I'm @ghost-fish-in-a-bowl on tumblr!! I go by she/they pronouns and I love all heavy stuff (send me funny about things about him winkwink). I'm like the artist mod here ig so I'll do funny doodles around here lol.

crabmod: I'm @Nezclaw on Tumblr and anywhere else that counts. biiiiig medic simp. crabmod on the blog. like heavymedic and engiemedic, but platonically. usually the one smacking everyone with a fish and not paying attention to the Discourse™.

ikea: hello hello ! I’m ikea (@welcome-to-ikea), she/they pronouns, and I go by ikea because I keep getting lost in my own brain (/hj). I am constantly thinking about Scout, Spy, Engie, and Medic, but in general I like thinking about the relationships/interactions between the funny gay men ™️

Mick: hello I'm Mick @aprofessionalwithoutstandards (posts from @biracy) and I'm a big time Demo tf2 enthusiast. Swordvan guy for obvious reasons. Deeply committed to the Sniper/Admin bit. I am very funny also. shehim and 18 and etc

nimbus: hey hi i'm nim! (@nimbus-lightest) i use they/he/ae pronouns and uhh i'm the kind of person who's so deep into their brainrot that they like to just imagine characters doing mundane everyday things, so that's what i like to talk about a lot heehoo

mod pissjar: hi lol i forgot to do this anyways i'm radio but you can call me mod pissjar if you want ig. any pronouns are fine. i'm completely and utterly normal about tf2 (lying through my teeth). and my blog is @sniperspissjar

modbot: Peachy 'noon! I'll be tagged as 'modbot' for reasons I never shut up about on the hell hut Discord (which you should join; we totally aren't infected with a brain-eating bungal virus!) I've been around these pals for a tad, and the fandom for much longer, so I'll be staying here forever while I work for my medical license (which [medicine] I also never shut up about). My forte is Sniper, but I'm hopelessly addicted to adding my cents to everybody. I have the tendency to write essays and snippets (minus the pretty colors and endless parentheses), rather than simply agree with any headcanons, so if you're in the mood. . . I'm your printer, prone to prose. I lean less towards heavily romantic ships by nature, but I'll be here for that, too, if you really want it. I go by she/her, but I'll take 'technologically transcendent tyrant' any time of the day. It'll earn you some brownie points <3

lems: heyoooooo! the name i usually go by is lemon or lems, (and also Saphir or frost) but i will also take any kind of word you give me! any pronouns, i gave up figuring what i liked the most. im @m-an-mlems on my main which is very rarely ever tf2 stuff so. beware ooooooo [spooky organ sfx]

mod cb: HI! i'm mark! i use he/him/it, and i'm the host of a system. you can find me at @creaturebarks on tumblr, etc. tf2 owns every braincell of mine. i'm not sure if i have a favorite merc, but i can safely say that my brain is full of many thoughts and i adore them all!!! (cb stands for creaturebarks btw)

[tf2fansderogatory]

I've seen a headcanon that the Blu team are all clones of the Red team (or in the case of Blu!Pyro, if Red!Pyro happens to not be human at all, a highly advanced robot). What do you guys think?

personally I don't think of it that way. In my head the blue team is the tf classic team and the red team is like. The Team.

But everyone sees it different and there isn't really an answer. They might all be clones! Idk! TF2 lore is weird!

[edit] crabmod suscribes to the clones theory due to the comedic potential therein. tf2 is a very silly game, with very silly lore. which is, I'd say, why it's endured so long.

[edit 2] modgod dittos crabmod’s point about the fact that tf2 is ridiculous lore-wise and that the game is wonderful because of it. the red-blu discussion is not something i really thought about before, but i remember reading the one thing about how blu’s team voicelines differ slightly from red’s voicelines (i want to say it was trivia in reference to spy specifically, but i can’t remember, so if someone knows specifically that’d be great) so the clone theory didn’t jump out to me at first. (at least, a perfect clone theory.) however, i like all theories above. my additional theory is that blu is actually the result of a multiverse collision, and they’re just red from the next dimension over where the only major difference is the fact that they wear blue (and are called blu).