#another friend is getting married next year so i texted my friend 'guess who's getting married'

[iamthekarmapolice]

love that my circle of irl friends and acquaintances is currently either people getting married in 2024 or people who are decidedly single

[kteezy997]

my best friend's sister//t.c.

Warnings: smut, losing virginity, male receiving explicit oral sex, secret sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk

y/n had called Timothee, saying that there was an emergency and she needed him to come to her apartment right away. Naturally, he was quite worried. On the drive to her place, he hoped that she wasn't seriously hurt, as she was the younger sister of his best friend. He'd known her for years, even when she was still a teenager, and he cared for her deeply.

He arrived at her place just moments after the phone call, hurried to her apartment and knocked on the door.

"Hey, thank you so much for coming." she said upon opening the door and gesturing for him to come in.

She didn't seem to be hurt or even in any sort of panic, which did relieve him some.

"Are you okay? What's the emergency?" Timmy asked as he stepped into the apartment.

"Here, let's go to the living room to talk." she said, leading the way and sitting on the couch.

Timmy opted for a chair across from her, wondering why they were getting comfortable if there was something the matter. "So what's going on, y/n? You've got me worried over here."

Y/n had her hands on her lap, she sighed, "Okay, so there really is no emergency. But I did want to ask you something."

He frowned at her, "You wanted to ask me something? You couldn't just text me or tell me over the phone? You had me rush over here like you'd been stabbed." he shook his head slightly in disbelief.

She could sense the tiny bit of annoyance in his tone, and she genuinely felt bad. "I know, I'm sorry. I just didn't know of another way of getting you over here without Trent finding out.” She fiddled idly with her fingers, nervousness began to overwhelm her. "Okay, I'm just gonna say it: I want you to help me lose my virginity."

Timmy was stunned, didn't expect any part of that equation. She's a virgin? And she wants me to be the first? He couldn't believe it. Y/n had always been a cute, smart, and sweet girl. Surely, guys her age were nuts about her. And why on earth would she pick her brother's best friend to deflower her?

"I never would have guess that you hadn't had sex yet." was the first thought he said aloud.

"I know, and my friends won't stop giving me crap for it, they say I just need to do it, to just get it over with." she shrugged. "And I trust you, Timmy. I know that you care about me, and you’re really sweet and you’re protective of me, so I know that I'd feel safe."

She knew it was the nerves that were making her ramble, but she blushed as she thought of the next thing she would say to him, "I've kinda always had a little crush on you." she tucked a piece of her long hair behind her ear, "I want to do it with you."

"Me?” Timmy touched his chest, “Out of everyone you know, you picked your brother's best friend? Do you want Trent to kill me?"

She giggled, "No, of course not. The only way that he would ever find out would be if you told him. Because I'm not going to tell him. I wouldn’t tell anyone it was you. I'd just tell my friends it was some random guy." she waved her hand nonchalantly.

Timmy sighed, putting his chin in his hand, thinking the whole thing over and eventually saying, "I don't know, y/n. I like you, I do. I always did think you were cute, but don’t you think you're a little too young for me?”

"I'm twenty-two and you're twenty-eight, so you're really not that much older. We’re both adults here. Besides, I'm not asking you to marry me, or to even date me." She looked at him, then with a smirk she took her top off.

Timmy's eyes widened as he felt tension rise in his body. He cleared his throat, feeling hot as he took in the sight of her bareness in front of him.

"Look, I bought lingerie for the occasion." she announced, setting her shoulders back, showing her black, mesh bra off to him. Her nipples nearly popped out the top of the see through bra. "I think the bra is a little small, but do you like it?" she looked down at her bra, then up at Timmy who seemed to be at loss for words.

He swallowed hard, "Y-yes."

Y/n got up off the couch, kneeling down in front of him. She put her hands on his thighs, "May I kiss you?"

Timmy, hesitant to disrespect his friend, but so turned on by y/n, responded, "Do your worst."

She leaned forward, narrowing in on his lips with her eyes, she licked her own lips to moisten them.

Timmy felt a sense of excitement as he felt her lips meeting his. She kept her mouth closed and the kiss chaste for a moment, then her hand was on his jaw, and she parted her lips. He let his tongue slip in her mouth, and she opened wider for him. She moaned and they were fighting for dominance in the kiss.

He gave her a peck and lingered on her wet lips as he pulled away. As he looked at her after, he could see that her skin was flush, and her lips swollen.

She wasn't just Trent's little sister anymore. She was a beautiful, desirable woman before him. His eyes scanned down her face, her neck, down to her plump breasts, barely covered with the black mesh material. It was just then that he noticed mini embroidered black stars on her bra. The black material did little to conceal the color and hardness of her nipples.

"Can I... suck you off?" her eyes wandered down to the tent forming in his pants. "Please?"

Fuck, no girl had ever asked to suck my dick before. He nodded insistently, "Mm-hmm." he hummed his response.

Her fingers unzipped his jeans, and she pulled his boxers down to allow his cock to plop out. She giggled, "You're hard. And it's so big, Timmy." she carefully put her hand around the base, "Wow. So pretty." She kitten licked his thick, red tip before moaning softly as she took him in her mouth.

Timmy closed his eyes for a second, just trying to process what was happening. Was he really going to fuck Trent’s little sister? Damn, how was she so good at this?

He looked down at y/n, working her mouth on his cock like it was her job. Soft, sloppy sounds left her lips as she sucked him, bobbing her head like she really knew what she was doing. “Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” Timmy asked with a chuckle and his hand caressing her hair.

She let her lips pop off his cock, “I just watch a lot of porn.” she admitted with a grin. She licked her fingers, then let the saliva coat his length before she started to pump him with her hand.

Timmy relaxed, letting her jerk his cock.

She would gently squeeze his tip in her palm with each thrust, and she looked up at his face to watch him as he started to moan. “Am I doing a good job?” she asked, knowing the answer already.

“Yes, s’good.” he shuddered, biting his lip.

She smiled, then licked a strip on the underside of his cock. She kissed the tip, gently massaging his balls with her fingers as she put her lips around his cock once more. She suckled his cock, placing her hands on his lower stomach, letting them slide up under his shirt.

Timmy put his hands on her arms as she explored underneath his shirt. Somehow, she kept his dick in her mouth, still sucking. “You’re so amazing already, y/n.” he praised in a huffy breath.

“Mm.” she hummed around his cock, taking it in her hand as she took her mouth away, “So you’ll do it?!” she blurted. She bit her lip, waiting for his reply.

“Yes. Just pinky swear we won’t tell anybody.” Timmy declared, holding his pinky out to her.

Y/n grinned, and locked her pinky finger around his. “Do you wanna fuck me in my bed?” she asked, her brows raised.

“Fuck yeah.” he breathed out, letting her take him by the hand and lead the way.

Y/n took her pants off upon entering her bedroom, revealing the matching panties to her bra, the see through material leaving nothing to Timmy's imagination.

He wanted to ruin her. He wanted to take her innocence and own it. The best part was that no one outside the two of them would ever know a thing.

As if she read his mind, she said, "You can be as rough with me as you want to. I'll let you know if it's too much."

"Noted." he answered, shoving her on the bed.

Y/n gasped as her body hit the bed in a rush. She grinned, eager to take him.

Timmy out his hands on either side of her ass, then tucked his fingers into the sides of her panties to pull them down.

She wiggled her butt in anticipation. She felt his fingers between her folds, and she shuddered.

"So wet. You knew I would do this for you, didn't you? You've been planning this." he said, plainly.

Then, before she could even reply, she heard his jeans hit the floor. She inhaled a sharp breath as he grabbed her hips. He climbed onto the bed, she felt his weight on her legs as he straddled them, then the tip of his cock was at her hole. She exhaled as he pushed his length into her.

"Fuck." Timmy muttered under his breath, taking his cock out just to put it right back in again.

He bottomed out, and she yelped softly in pain.

"You good?" he asked, his hands resting on her lower back, "Want me to stop?"

"No! The pain will subside, I know it will. Just please, don't stop." y/n begged.

Timmy went on thrusting his cock into her unbelievably tight pussy, gently kneading her ass to relieve some tension within her body.

She whimpered and moaned, but soon, there were cries of pleasure.

He took her pleasant sounds as a sign to work his hips faster, and seep deeper into her. He felt as if his cock was in a vice grip, he groaned, shook his head, and held y/n down so he could fuck her hard.

It was all she could do to lay there and take him. She gripped the sheets and whined as his cock carved into her pussy. It was everything she had wished for when it came to her first time, and even more.

"Yes, I'm yours to destroy, Timothee!" she cried as he rocked into her roughly.

Timmy grabbed her hair, pulling her upward onto all fours, he leaned forward, putting his cheek to hers as she gasped in surprise. "You're all mine, that's right. No man gets to feel this perfect, tight pussy but me. And it's our secret." With that, he kissed her on the cheek.

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @bitchyunknownuser @lixzey @kpopgirlbtssvt @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen

[pamicakery]

₊✩‧₊˚౨How to manifest Sp ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Okay... I will tell you a success story of mine, when I manifested a crush.. Who was about to become my boyfriend and... That you must be really careful about what you want.

It was when I was 16, and I had this crush on this guy let's call him Wolfie. Firstly we became friend because we were in the same group of friend so during class we used to hang out together. I grew up fond of this guy, he was sarcastic, funny and single.

At night I would draw ourselves being lovers, listening to music and making imaginary Music videos about us. Writing stories about him being my crush in them and everytime I saw a cute couple I told myself '' Hehe it gonna be us''.

Times to times he used to hang out with others girls, and I got jealous many times but I was persisting in the fact that he was my boyfriend.

Everytime we had an interaction, I would repeat Thoses scenes on loop,and draw the scene of it. The idea of us not being together was out of my mind.

Every scene I envisioned came true :

I visualized and drew us talking via text messages ➡️he asked for my number the next day

I drew us talking together during a class assignment ➡️we worked together for that class assignment and I even drew us get married.

Him sitting next to me in class ➡️he did.

We were at a point that we even had lunch together, going back home together. We were always together.

But it was too much for me, I started to complain that we were too much together and guess what? I didn't had time to breathe.

Sometimes I wanted to be alone, he was there. During the field trip, the guy came in my bedroom. (Nothing happened don't worry, but I scripted this). He even asked me out and invited me to drink milkshake... Like my first date... I was like '' noooo I don't '' but I said yes because I was about to have a milkshake for free.

I didn't know about '' manifesting '' back then, I was just imagining us being together. And it reflected, not instantly but it took 1 or 2 weeks. Manifestation is very powerful and if you are not sure about what you want, it can be really scary.

But it's just a case, maybe I was too obsessed with him. Hehe but what you have to do is :

💖 PICK A STATE :

From now on you will identify as someone who's Sp is their boyfriend. Leave the 3d alone, (By the way I didn't know about 3d or 4d at that time.)

💖: EXPRESS THAT STATE WITHIN :

Draw, visualise, listen to music, write stories. You must train your brain and Show it that SP is your boyfriend with Internal proof and validation. (Look inside of your 4d's 3d because your 4d's 3d is reflecting a state of you already having and being this person) And at every positive interaction with SP, repeat it on loop in your mind.

💖 : IGNORE THE 3D :

My Sp used to hang out and smile with girls, and I was jealous about it. But in my head he was my boyfriend.

💖:IT'S POSSIBLE :

It's possible to attract Sp, don't put logic into it because love doesn't walk with logic. Keep that image of you being together, your brain and yourself will be used to it.

I know that sometimes tell ourselves that it's only imaginary. But really, don't put chains to yourself in your mind. You didn't had to take actions in your mind, you are already there, you are already with them.

Once again, don't seek validation in the 3d of lack. Seek validation within yourself. The year before that SP, I had a rejection from another SP, same the year prior. So... Actually I didn't even changed my self concept, I just imagined myself with that guy like any girl would do.

[ahonice]

right where you left me

luke hughes x fem reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: angst, cursing, reader is a sad little bitch.

note: another song fic smh, i don’t like this one very much but i just needed to write something.

italics are song lyrics

+++

friends break up, friends get married. strangers get born, strangers get buried. trends change, rumors fly through new skies, but i’m right where you left me.

you met luke the night you moved into your college dorm freshman year, your parents were unable to stay to take you out to dinner so they gave you thirty dollars to go to a local diner. so there you were, having the most depressing meal of your life, when a boy slid into the seat across from you.

“you look really sad.” 

“thank you.”

he laughed before apologizing, “i don’t mean it to be rude, but is everything okay? this is the saddest i’ve ever seen someone with a milkshake in front of them.”

“yea i’m okay, just moved into my dorm today and my parents weren't able to stay for dinner. i guess i just miss them.” you looked up from your untouched plate of chicken fingers to see who exactly was talking to you.

“oh i get that, i moved in a couple days ago. the first night is definitely the hardest.” he offered you a smile and stuck his hand out, “i’m luke.”

“y/n.”

matches burn after the other. pages turn and stick to each other. wages earned and lessons learned, but i’m right where you left me.

you found yourself at that diner a lot, going there to do your homework late at night when your roommate needed the lights off, going there whenever you were sad or just needed time to yourself, as well as going there whenever you and your boyfriend had a date night. it wasn’t the only restaurant you and luke ate at, but it was the most common one.

your relationship with luke was great, you were happy, he was happy, everyone around you was happy. that’s why you were blindsided when luke suggested you take a break during your weekly date nights.

“i just think that’s what is best for me, and for us, going forward. i need to focus on my rookie season in the nhl, i can’t have any distractions.” hearing luke refer to you as a distraction hurt, everything about what he was saying hurt. 

“okay.” you didn’t want to agree, you wanted to fight him on it.

“once next season is over, then we can get back together, reevaluate everything.”

“okay.” one year, one year without him seemed impossible to you, but you needed to let this happen, this would only strengthen your relationship. luke would soon see what a life without you was and all you could do was hope he didn’t like it. this was the last thing you wanted, but you didn’t need him resenting you for any issues that could possibly come up during his rookie season that could easily be tied back to “he has a girlfriend, he is distracted, he isn’t putting hockey first”.

help i’m still at the restaurant, still sitting in the corner i haunt. cross legged in the dim light, they say what a sad sight. i swear, you could hear a hair pin drop, right when i felt the moment stop, glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on, i stayed there, dust collected on my pinned up hair. they expected me to find somewhere, some perspective, but i sat and stared right where you left me.

your visits to the diner became more frequent after luke moved to new jersey, you were there the second your classes were finished for the day and you didn’t leave until the early hours in the morning. 

you were used to it, the pity glances from the other customers when your tears began to spill, the sad smiles from the waitresses that had become all too familiar to you, the text messages from your friends and luke’s teammates checking up on you. nobody seemed to understand why you guys were broken up, but all you could respond with when they asked was “we aren’t broken up, we’re on a break.”

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? time went on for everybody else, she won’t know it. she’s still twenty three, inside her fantasy how it was supposed to be. did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? breakups happen everyday you don’t have to lose it. she’s still twenty three, inside her fantasy.

you were in the diner, in that same booth where two of the three lightbulbs that hung from the ceiling were burnt out, more often than you were on campus. after summer break, once you had begun your junior year of college, you tried to avoid the diner with all that you had in you. your roommates telling you it does no good, it will only harm you to be in a place you once associated with happiness that now brings you nothing close to the fact. 

you snuck out of your house at two in the morning after three weeks of being back in ann arbor, hiding your weakness from those you shared walls with, ashamed of yourself as you stood in front of the double doors, the left one still stuck after two years of you coming here. 

you scanned the diner, seeing a couple familiar faces, giving them a fake smile before you made your way into the back corner. a false flash of hope struck you as you saw the back of a boy's head in the booth you could call home, but it wasn’t luke, you knew it wasn’t. you quietly made your way over to the booth, tears in your eyes, and got the attention of the boy in the seat luke once claimed as his.

“can i sit here? i won’t bother you, i just need to sit here.” 

you’re sitting in front of me, at the restaurant, when i was still the one you want. cross legend in the dim light, everything was just right. i could feel the mascara run, you told me that you met someone. glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on.

luke’s rookie season had officially ended with the devils being taken out of the playoffs in the first round, leaving him to head back to michigan while you were still in it. the school year was ending in two weeks and you were studying for your finals when your phone lit up.

from: luke

hey, i’m at the diner. we need to talk.

you could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you abandoned all of your materials and ran towards your car. you went fifteen over while driving to the diner, rolling through a few too many stop signs as well, but you made it and quickly went inside. you smiled as you saw the familiar back profile of your boyfriend sitting in your booth. 

“hey luke.” you smiled, sitting down across from him.

“i met someone else.” your smile fell just as fast as your heart broke. in the time that luke was trying to figure out his career, life on his own, trying to be the best that he could be without any form of distraction, he met someone else. “-and i’m sorry. i didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did.”

you scoffed, your sadness quickly turned into anger. “how long?” 

“i met her the night of my first game.” it was like the wind had been knocked out of you, that was only six days after you had agreed to go on a break, it took him six days to decide that you were not what he wanted, but what really made you angry was how long it took him to tell you.

“luke that was over a year ago, why did you not tell me sooner?” the tears in your eyes threatened to spill, but you wouldn’t let them, at least not in front of him. 

your question was met with silence, the tension in the air was so thick it was choking you. 

“this whole time you were with another girl? while i was pathetically sitting around, waiting for you, because i really thought that we were doing this whole thing so you could test the waters of your life in the nhl, but really you wanted to test the waters of your life without me.” you quickly stood up, cutting luke off before he could even try to speak. “goodbye luke.”

help, i’m still at the restaurant. still sitting in the corner i haunt. cross legend in the dim light they say what a sad sight. i stayed there. dust collected on my pinned up hair. i’m sure you’ve got a wife out there. kids and christmas, but i’m unaware. cause i’m right where i cause no harm. mind my business, if our loved died young, i can’t bear no witness and it's been so long.

you had just graduated and you decided to spend your last night in ann arbor in the diner, but this time you had company. your parents, friends, and boyfriend william. william was the boy who was sitting in luke’s seat that one night during your junior year, a friendship had blossomed after you that depressing night. it was never anything romantic, until you and luke officially broke up because you had the common decency that luke apparently lacked. tonight was unlike any night you had spent in the diners in the years before, you were happy, you were sitting in that same booth with all three lightbulbs lit, you could see other patrons and the waitresses and for once they weren’t looking at you with pity. 

i’m right where, you left me.

+++

note: lol i actually hate this but i needed to write something i haven't in weeks (because i have zero inspo lmao i need help) but anyways enjoy, leave feedback, tell me if you loved it if you hated it, anything. love y’all babes!! have a great day <3

[resi4skz]

CHAPTER 1

Pairing: Christopher Bahng x Aubrey Williams (OC)

Warnings: none for this chapter, smut eventually

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

"Thank you. Have a nice day!" I smile as I hand a bag filled with books to a customer. They smile and exit the store. I glance at the clock on the wall. Damn, I missed lunch again and it was almost time to go home. I pick up some books that needed to be put back on the shelves and head to the back of the store. My phone vibrates and I fish it out from the back of my jeans pocket.

T: when will you be home?

A: why?

T: my mom got you some teas that will help with getting you pregnant.

I wanted to run away this moment. Troy had been trying to get me pregnant for almost 2 years now. We had tried every treatment there is out in the world. It always ended up with negative pregnancy tests. And his mom even suggested surrogacy or he sleep with another woman. And I was always the one in the middle forced to do things I didn't want to do.

Once, she put some medicine in my food and 2 hours later the same night I ended up in the hospital with severe vomitting. The doctor told Troy to not do anything drastic like that or I will lose my life. But that didn't stop his mom. She complained how her friends were already grandmothers when she's not. She had hated me from the beginning and we never got along despite Troy knowing everything. He was a mama's boy. He managed to swipe me off my feet and made me fall in love with him.

I wrap up in my book store, lock the main door and put alarms on. The drive home was the only relaxing time I had which didn't last long since it was only a 20 minute drive. Parking in the driveway, I put my poker face and head inside. Troy was on his laptop typing away and only turned around when I walk inside. "Mom wants us to come over for dinner this Saturday. I told her we'll come."

"Okay," I say, feeling drained from the day. I head into our room to change so I could finally eat. I'm in the middle of changing clothes when I suddenly feel a pair of arms slide around my exposed waist. I gasp, jumping a little. "Troy, what are you doing?"

"Come on, baby. It's been a long time," Troy whispers as he unclisps my bra as his other hand slips under my yoga pants, slipping a finger inside me. "Let's make a baby."

I groan mentally. If only there was a way....

------------------------------------------------------------

The 'session' ended as usual like last time. Him leaving me high and dry to mend to myself. Sex with Troy was a chore now. It always was. As I finish changing, my phone vibrates and I smile when I see the text from my best friend, Liana.

L: girlie, what are you doing this weekend?

A: dinner at mother in law on saturday.

L: ew, you're still married?

A: lol, yes. And on sunday, I have to work.

L: at this rate, you're gonna be old before you know it.

A: gee, thanks.

L: listen, there's a party next weekend that i really wanna go to

A: let me guess. You want to go because the bartender that you've been crushing on is going?

L: great mind think alike. Also! Chris will be there!

Chris? Now why does that name sound so familiar? I go to type back but my stomach growling stops me. I'll send her a text later. I head to the kitchen and fix myself a quick sandwich with potato chips and a can of pepsi. I felt content finally being able to eat. It was one of the things I always loved. I loved all types of food, especially homemade. It was one of the things I always loved. Cooking. It was therapeutic for me since I came from a family who taught each other many things. And I was very glad that my mom taught me how to cook various types of food growing up.

Finishing up in the kitchen, I head up to my study to work on some book covers. I immerse myself in the work and loose track of time until I'm finished with 2 projects. As I walk to the bedroom, I see Troy already sleeping. Lucky bastard sleeping with no care in the world. I lay down and settle myself for sleep. Only it comes much later and the next thing I know is my alarm clock going off on my phone.

As much as I wanted to sleep more, the bookstore had to be opened today as there were deliveries coming in and an investor that I wasn't told much about. I hadn't told Troy about it yet because I know what he will say about it. 'Just sell it to me.' He had said it to me many times and I had declined every time since I had put my time and sweat into the bookstore while he worked for a big corporation company called Bahng/Lee Corp. The only thing I knew about the company was that it was 2 cousins who owned it.

------------------------------------------------------------

I got coffee on the way to open the bookstore. Flipping the lights on, my co workers start walking in. "Morning, Aubrey."

I smile at Sabrina and Penelope. "Morning." They go back in the break room while I start assembling books in the shelves. I loved the feeling of new and old books. It gave me a sense of bliss and calmness in both. A few customers come and go, purchasing books and other accessories. And just like that a few hours go by and it's lunch time. "Hey, I'm gonna quickly head out to grab lunch and I'll be back to help with the deliveries."

I quickly get a italian sub from next door and as soon as I get back, the delivery truck arrive. While Sabrina helps the driver unload the boxes, Penelope and I immediately start unboxing them, my lunch long forgotten. It tends to get hectic and a lot busy once I get new releases come in. I'm inside unboxing another box when Troy and his mom, Georgia walk in.

"This place is a mess," Georgia says as she swipes off imaginary dust from her shoulder.

"Hi, Georgia," I say, nervous all of a sudden.

"Aubrey, what's all this?" Troy asks glancing at the boxes around me. Honestly, I have told him many times and yet he still asks.

"New books and accessories," I reply.

"More books?" Georgia blinks at the bunch of books in my hands. "If only you spent as much time you did on giving me grandkids as you did on books, maybe you wouldn't have to work as much."

I open my mouth to reply when Troy speaks. "Mom's right. All you've been doing is working ever since your parents dumped this shop on you."

This book shop was given to me by my parents on my 23rd birthday since they know how much I love books. It also meant I was the only sole owner of it and this didn't sit well with Georgia. As for Troy, he didn't really care or paid much attention to it which I was kind of glad for. I sigh looking at them. Georgia with her gold jewlery and the usual french manicure that she gets every 2 weeks. And Troy in his usual business attire with his blackberry in hand, typing away.

The amount of degrading I have listened from both of them these past 2 years. I always want to give them a piece of my mind. But for some reason, I always keep my mouth shut. "Thank you for being so considerate. I will keep it in mind." I had gotten my period in the morning and I was starting to think I wasn't the problem.  How I knew that is because everytime Troy and I were intimate on the days I was ovulating, all the pregnancy tests turned out to be negatives, no matter how many times I took them.

"So, when do I get to hear the good news?" Is she being for real right now?

"Soon, mom. Soon." And he's not helping either.

The amount of things I wanted to say to both of them right this moment. But it wasn't the place or time. "Is she taking the teas I gave you?" Those teas I threw some away already because they were gnarly and tasted like her vegetable casserole. "Well, I've been waiting for 2 years. She should've been able to pop atleast one baby out. Did you guys get tested right? Is it her? It's her, isn't it?"

"Georgia-"

She points her finger at me, nostrils flaring. "I knew it! I knew you were trouble the moment he brought you to my house. Troy shouldn't have gotten with you in the first place!"

"Mom-"

"No! I'm not going to shut up just because I'm in her stupid bookshop!" Georgia was fuming, her face turning red. This had happened before last year when I showed her the negative pregnancy tests. And now it was happening again. A few customers and Sabrina was staring at us now. "I told you she was bad news! And now she's unable to give you a baby!"

I watch as Troy tries to calm her down. Penelope nudges me with her elbow. I turn to look at her. "What?"

"There's someone asking for you."

"Who?" I ask. I turn my head when she points towards the door. My breathing stops. A black haired man wearing beige cardigan with blue jeans walks towards to where we're all standing. Everyone, including Georgia and Troy watch as he stands in front of where Penelope and I are standing, behind the cash regsiter. I survey him from top to bottom. I notice he's also wearing small silver hoop earrings which I think he's probably the only man to pull it off. And did I mention he's gorgeous?

"I'm looking for Aubrey Williams." Oh thank god, I didn't change my name when I got married.

"I'm Aubrey. How can I help you?"

He blinks at me. "You're Aubrey?" His voice was smooth like caramel melting in your mouth, with a hint of an accent?

"Yes." I get confused when he lets out a small laugh. "I'm sorry, but who are you?"

"Me?" He smiles as he hands me a business card. My eyes widen at the name written on it and look up at him, smiling at me.

"Chris?" Holy shit. It's him.

"Ah, so she does remember me." He smiles. Holy dimples.

"Babe, who's this?" Troy comes in view and I can't form any words. Georgia is watching all this unfold, arms crossed looking like a Karen. I almost want to laugh.

"Uh, this is Chris. An old high school friend." I reply. "And this,' I point to Troy. "This is my husband, Troy."

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance," Chris stated, raising his hand which Troy shakes, much to my surprise. "Didn't know you were married."

"For 5 years," Troy announces with a frown.

"Oh my god, is that Christopher Bahng?"

"That's Chris Bahng! I've always seen him in magazines but he's more handsome in person!"

"He's so handsome!"

A few customers take out their phones and start taking pictures, while many start pointing at him. I watch as Troy's eyes widen as Georgia rolls her eyes and grabs his arms, dragging him out. I don't think I've seen Troy like that in front of anyone before. He was always the one confronting others whereas I hated it. "You sure do know how to pick 'em," Chris says, chuckling.

"Bri," Penelope nudges me in again, whispering in my ear. "He's one of the owners of Bahng/Lee Corp."

Then it clicks. He's the investor. "So you're here to invest in this bookshop? Why?"

"Well, I've been hearing many things about it so thought I'd check it out."

Sabrina is now standing with Penelope, staring at Chris with a stupid smiles on their faces. "Let me show you around." I drop a box in their hands as I walk around them, their eyes following Chris behind me. Why did I have to hire women with hormones?

"So right here we keep the fiction and fantasy books, our most favourite section that gets sold out pretty quickly," I stated, standing between the shelves and watch as he observes some books.

"How many days are you open?"

"7 days but weekends have different hours and even open on holidays," I nervously reply.

"Open on holidays?" He asks, surprised. "You don't take time off?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Books make me happy." I wanted to say otherwise.

"But not your husband?" He asks, finally looking at me.

"What? I didn't say that," I denied. "I meant I like being here, it gives me peace."

"The peace that your mother-in-law demanding a baby from you?" My eyes widen at his statement. He heard that? "Yeah, I heard some of it."

"Oh." I had nothing else to say because my brain only saw one thing. The beautiful man in front of me. Plus, he didn't need to know about my life.

"I'll do it."

I do a double take. "Pardon me?"

"I'll invest in your bookshop and expand it. Maybe open more branches in different locations," he replies.

Wait a damn minute. Am I hearing this right? "Wait, are you serious?"

He chuckles. "Yes. Is it that hard to believe?"

"Well, for one you didn't even see the rest of the shop."

He gives me a smile that made me weak in the knees. "I don't need to. I know you will do great as you are currently doing."

"Thank you."

He glances at his wrist watch. "I gotta go, Bri. I have an important I need to get to. I'll need to get in touch with you for all the paperwork."

"But I don't have your number." Ah. Why....."Ah, I'm sorry. How rude of me."

He laughs. "You're the same as ever. You have my card, all my contact information is on there."

"Oh, right."

He lets out a small laugh. "I'll wait for your text or call, whichever you prefer is fine with me." He winks at me, smiling. Oh god, those dimples again. And then he walks out the shop, disappearing around the corner. I glance at his card in my hand and smile.

A/N: this is a completed series i did on wattpad so decided to show its love on here. Enjoy and stay delulu friends

[hornsbeforehalos]

For those of you still around and following me on this hellspace of a website, I would like to tell you another story. One that I will actually finish this time.

I joined tumblr back in 2017, in the middle of a trash marriage, dying everyday a little bit at a time.

I found a “home” in both the supernatural and the walking dead fandoms. I engorged myself within these universes- as it was the only place I felt safe.

I found a daryl Dixon fanfiction writer that will not be named bc she’s since been found to be a trash human, but god damn did I love her work at the time. So much that I even helped her write a whole series then even wrote a crack fanfiction of it myself. During that time, she introduced me to one of her friends who wrote as well.

That friend was @coffee-obsessed-writer. (Or DragonGirl420 as she was known at the time)

I first fell in love with her writing, her daryl stories inspiring me to write my own (Hunter and Arrow) and then her feed back and love for Anytime Sweetheart cemented our friendship.

We talked everyday. All day. About everything.

She was the first person I told when my mother died. I texted her otw to the hospital before I got the news, and right after.

I texted her when I thought about killing myself.

She’s saved my life multiple times.

In 2019 I finally got the chance to visit her. I flew to Pennsylvania and she picked me and my son up from the airport for 2 days there before driving me to meet my mother in law.

In those two days, my child fell in love with her, and her children with me. And our children together. Me and my son got to see our first wild bear, in her front yard. We broke her now ex husbands meat tenderizer, and destroyed one of her kitchen towels trying to get a geode open. (I still owe her exhusband a meat tenderizer) We found out that her property is in fact, not the Kennedy compound, even tho it can act like it sometimes.

She called me when her husband left her.

I called her when I left mine.

I ran to her to get away from him. I spent two weeks with her in the start of the pandemic. I felt like I was at home the entire time. (Even with the drama lol)

Then when I got back to Texas, I texted her that I was hanging out with my boss. The one I had a crush on. She encouraged me to do what needed to be done to secure that man

And secure that man I did.

In October of last year he proposed.

Last week I married him.

Guess who I had to have by my side?

Guess who designed my bridesmaid proposals? My wedding invitations?

Guess who drove almost 24 hours to help me prepare for it? Who watched me literally realize I was getting married the next day and hugged me through a mini panic attack?

@coffee-obsessed-writer

The random bestfriend I met on tumblr that I wouldn’t be who I am today without.

[lpdwillwrite4coffee]

Okay y'all. This is the story of how I owe $17,000 to the guy who propositioned me during family night at a local brewery and now I'm committed to bringing sensible wine options to his house for Thanksgiving.

Our tale begins like most do - panic crying in the living room while my house floods. Because of a freak polar vortex like day in February, my old drafty house and the rust bucket of a boiler in the cellar created a horrific one-two punch that ended in me nearly freezing to death in my own home and almost all of my heating pipes cracking and leaking, flooding my first floor and basement. It was terrifying, beyond stressful, and most importantly to this story, expensive.

After 2 and a half months of living in a hotel, battling insurance companies, daily anxiety attacks, and having 4 grand of insurance money stolen by my bipolar, narcissistic mother, I hit my absolute fucking limit. Friends of mine who are much better off financially than I have ever been in my life offered to help me out of the dark, lonely, and cold hole I'd wound up in. Three text messages and a lot of tears later, I was in possession of a check for $17,000 and had an official start date for construction. Praise Dolly.

A hop, skip, and a jump through time and we're now in July. I'm paying my friends back in monthly installments and trying not to crumble from the knowledge that it will take me 4 or 5 years of consistent payments to get out from under this loan. But at least I have heat. It's the little things I guess.

My friend, let's call him Mitch, and his wife, who unfortunately shares my name but for this we'll call her Lucette, are kindly checking in on me and inviting me to coffee/dinner/drinks to hang out. Things seem like they're back on track to being normal.

Lucette gets a new job that requires a ton of travel, so I don't see her as much as I do Mitch, but that doesn't bother me, as Lucette and I were never particularly close and spending more than an hour of time with her makes me feel like a dirt poor 19 year old who showed up to a nice dinner party in paint stained jeans and a ripped band tee. We are not energetic or socioeconomic equals.

One weekend, Mitch and I get drinks just to catch up, and he tells me that him and Lucette have made the decision to try out ENM (ethical non-monogamy). They've been married for 7 years, have had a bit of a dry spell due to pandemic close proximity, and there's just the general vibe that they want to try new things. I get it! And I'm encouraging. Life is too short for bad sex, I tell him, and he's thankful I'm not judging them. We have a good laugh about it all - particularly the bit about them seeing my profile on Feeld, as they have one too - and after another beer, I go home.

This is probably the part of the movie where the music changes, warning the viewer that some event is looming and possibly dangerous for our protagonist. If only life had such a soundtrack I could hear.

Throughout the summer and into September Mitch and I see more of each other and I take notice of the uptick in chill weekend day drinking and texts. Nothing about it feels off or motivated by anything other than being bored and wanting to hang out with a friend. And because I know about his ENM journey, I think there's the appeal there of getting to speak freely to someone who won't wrinkle their nose and make jokes about bringing pineapples to neighborhood BBQs. In a stunning change of mental pace, I don't overanalyze it. Perhaps this was a mistake.

One morning I wake up a text from Mitch cancelling plans. I'm secretly thrilled - I didn't want to shower that day anyway. But I can also tell something has gone horribly wrong on his end, but he doesn't say what, so I just "yeah, sure, let me know when you're free next" my way out of the conversation.

When we do talk next, he tells me why he cancelled. Lucette cheated on Mitch during a work trip. They'd established rules within their ENM arrangement that she broke. And she broke them loudly, multiple times, and with her iPad still logged in and left on the kitchen counter in full view of Mitch. Horrible words are said, declarations of 'the best sex of her life' are sent to several group chats, pictures are seen. It's bad.

Mitch is unwell. I comfort him as best as I can and he tells me that he and Lucette aren't pulling the divorce lever yet, but he's still heartbroken and scared he's going to lose his marriage. I feel awful for him. I offer to buy him another beer. He shows me the texts he saw. It's officially A Lot.

From that day on, I become his "my wife cheated on me with the guy she told me not to worry about" therapist friend who he can unload on and get sympathetic words in return. I've been imprinted on by the depressed baby bird hatched by infidelity and low self-esteem. It's not the first time, and I'm certain it won't be the last.

Tell me, how's that soundtrack only you, the audience, can hear? I bet it's tense and full of cello.

A few weeks later, I get a head cold. It's not the end of the world but it's annoying. I'm fevered, stuffy, exhausted, and I have not a drop of soup or broth in my home. Mitch sees my Instagram story about being sick and offers to bring me soup. "Aww, that's so nice of you, thank you." "Of course! I'll go get it and be right over." "Awesome! Just text me when you drop it off." Thirty minutes later my doorbell rings. My dogs bark their heads off. I'm a little annoyed. The bell rings again. I see Mitch's car in my driveway. I mutter to myself about why he didn't just leave it on the steps as I go to the door. I look disgusting and I'm flushed with a solid 100.2 fever, but I guess I'm having face time with Mitch now. I open the door and he hands over the soup almost immediately, but with an odd look on his face. I thank him and ask what I owe, but he refuses for me to pay him back. I thank him again. He doesn't make a move to leave. I tell him I'd invite him in but.... *gestures widely to the PJs I've worn for 3 days in a row and the broken capillaries in my nose and the dogs still barking behind the second entryway door* He smiles awkwardly and says it's okay. He still doesn't leave. "So... how are you, Mitch?" His shoulders slump. "I'm not doing great."

Ah. There it is. Mystery solved. My time has been bought with soup and he's lingering to collect on it. So I lean on my door, sniff back a disgusting level of mucus, and brace myself for whatever is about to be said. Turns out, Lucette couldn't stop texting the Best Sex Ever guy and possibly is fixated on him due to some weird aging hot girl nonsense. Mitch tells me he and Lucette are separating. She's sleeping in her home office. The mess got messier. I tell him I'm so incredibly sorry, this is awful, etc etc etc. He stays for 20 minutes to tell me all of this and get as much of a pep talk as I can muster while trying not to sneeze directly in his eyes.

In the interim, I've gotten several strangely loaded texts from Lucette, telling me she's glad Mitch has me and that she knows he values my friendship and advice on things. Alexa, play "She Knows." But I keep things as vague as possible, because I don't want to shove myself even more in the middle. I didn't choose to be imprinted on, but I can choose not to encourage a more permanent bond. Call me a wildlife rehabilitation center.

Being sick takes me out of commission for a while, and I have to reschedule multiple things, including getting beer with Mitch. That doesn't deter him from messaging me of course, but I don't see him for a couple weeks. When I'm feeling better, I tell him we should check out a brewery we've never been to before and we set a day.

This is probably the part when the audience yells as the protagonist not to go. Don't get in the car. Stay home.

Ah, to not be a participant in the narrative.

I get to the brewery and immediately I notice 2 things: 1, it's family Sunday Funday, and 2, the vibes around Mitch are........uncomfy. I turn into a socially anxious motormouth. I can't stop talking about literally everything that doesn't matter, including the child at the table next to us playing a solo game of Uno and the 80's music playlist. I order my beer and finally force myself to chill tf out. Maybe I've picked up on a vibe that has nothing to do with me. Maybe he's just feeling weird. Maybe I'm just insane. All of these options are valid.

Halfway thru our drinks, Mitch brings up the odd texts from Lucette. "I think I know why she was being weird with you." "Oh? Why?" I sip my beer and wait. He says, "So, back when Lucette and I decided to open up our marriage, we had a discussion about who we'd see ourselves dating..."

Hey audience, how's that music crescendo?

I blink. Mitch gestures with his beer. "And obviously, your name was at the top of my list."

And because I'm the definition of smooth, I practically shout, "REALLY???" so loudly 5 people turn around and look at me. Mitch doesn't even look away from me. Instead, he stares deeper into my eyes and asks, "Do you ever see that becoming a possibility?"

Me. Dating Mitch. After months of supporting him through a painful, messy separation that hasn't even really become official. After knowing way too much about his sex life. After all the sad boy memes and depressed 1am texts he's sent. After being forced to read his angry, sexually charged break up poetry in front of him 2 beers in at the bar.

AFTER I HAD TO BORROW $17,000 FROM HIM AND LUCETTE.

I verbally flounder for a painfully long 12 seconds while watching that little girl beat herself with another Uno Reverse card, and finally land on a gentle but firm rejection of the idea. I don't have a chance to mentally process all the messed up parts to this messed up puzzle in the moment but when I get home it starts to click.

They had that conversation in the spring. Around the time that I had to borrow the money in the first place. And while I don't have proof, I can almost guarantee that Lucette vetoed Mitch's suggestion of bringing me into their situation, and now that they're breaking up, he feels like he can take a swing at it (pun? unintended?)

Which means that every single interaction, every single conversation and hang out, every single dollar bill I borrowed is colored with the knowledge I now possess which is that Mitch, for however long, has wanted to fuck me. He's wanted to fuck me so. Goddamn. Bad.

Audience, I bet you're the star at your optometrist's office with all that 20/20 vision. I'm honestly jealous.

No wonder Lucette was sending probing texts with the energy of "I know you know, and now you know I know." No wonder Mitch attached himself to me like a duckling trying to cross a busy road. No wonder both of them were so earnestly checking on me when I first moved back into my house. NO WONDER MY SUBCONSCIOUS MIND HAD BEEN SCREAMING "YOU'RE IN DANGER GIRL" FOR WEEKS.

And before ALL of this, Mitch had organized Thanksgiving at his house since Lucette would be out of town, and one of his friends created a list of what people can bring. I signed up for wine, since it means I don't have to cook. And when this entire thing came to a head, I started to write an "I'm bailing" text to Mitch. But before I could pull that trigger, our mutual friend messaged me to say how happy she is that I'll be there and that she's missed me.

So now, after finding out that Mitch has wanted to get his dick in me for months (if not longer) without even considering the power imbalance of me owing him SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, I have to pick out a sensible red and white wine and show up at his house at 2pm on Thursday.

Audience. Reader. Friends. I am.... stressed. And in serious debt.

And apparently hot enough to possibly instigate an argument between spouses.

Cue the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving song. This year I'm grateful for autonomy and friends willing to come up with a code word in case I need to escape quickly.

[woolfpuppy]

Today I was creating a contact in my phone for my cousin* Jacob. To make sure it saved I looked up ‘Jake’.

Jake Skar

popped up. Friend from high school, my prom date. Playful, relentlessly sarcastic. drug dealer.

During senior year I invited him to family Christmas, because we always had 40 relatives over, and misfits, and lots of everything. He got me a ruby and diamond necklace. Because ruby is my birthstone, and he had a crush on me. I didn’t know how to respond (not gracefully). I still wear this necklace and think of him.

We kept in touch while he stayed in our hometown and I went to college (and later moved to Chicago.) When I’d be home we’d go for a gin and tonic in awful bars that reeked of smoke, 20 years after the indoor ban.

And then one day- I heard he’d died. I heard he went on a binge and was in the hospital. At 26, he was told he needed to stop drinking. his liver was so abused that if he went on another binge he would die. Five days later he went on a binge and died. My townie friends said it was intentional. He wanted to go.

So I click his name in my contacts, and our text chain from a decade ago pops up.

it’s so cringey. I’m so cringey. and, it brings him back, a little. reading those texts to me he’s dead and alive.

He’s 23, and wishing me a happy birthday and calling me ‘dearest’. we’re figuring out the logistics of meeting for a drink. I’m tired after work and flake, and then later redeem myself and ask him out.

In high school, I was in his phone as ‘Mom’. I don’t know how his actual mom was in his phone, although I remember the guys making fun of it sometime. I don’t know why I was in his phone that way. I would ask how he was, and tell him to drink less, and stop selling coke. He said selling coke was fine because it was better than meth, which his dad was in prison for. I told him it was scary that he had a handgun in his glove compartment- and maybe criminal. He would come over after school and I’d take leftovers out of the fridge- that my mom had made- and put them in the microwave. My life was so normal and pedestrian, and he hung out with me anyway. I wasn’t cool, I didn’t throw or go to parties.

I’m sure I invited him to church, and I don’t think he ever came.

How do I feel about him? I don’t know. I’m not sad he’s dead. I’m ambivalent about it I guess. As a 35 year old I get why he hung out with me. I get why he had a crush on me. But I never could have helped him how he needed. He needed so much care and love (we all do). He needed attention and to be told

“Don’t sell drugs, there are other options! Here are the other options and I’ll help you look at them. Here’s stability. Here’s boundaries. Here’s self worth and assurance. Here’s family to help you and hang out with.”

*not at all related to this small meditation on death and aging and technology but let the reader know I am the type of person who has a lot of ‘real cousins’, and I also call everyone who married in a cousin or their kids and siblings or my cousin’s cousins and feel strongly that this is a good step toward peace and love on planet earth.

——————————-

This meditation is about cousins I guess.

Last night I was at dinner with my cousins- I think there were twelve of us. Cousins and their partners, siblings, and kids. And after we had dinner, everyone got a notecard and pen. It was a little game. Answer these six questions and we’ll mix them up and guess who wrote what. Here are the questions: When you’re having a bad day what do you most want in a care package?

Sweet Treat

Salty Treat

Fast Food Fav

Gift Card Preference

Desired Amount of Social Interaction (when the package is delivered)

Act of Service

And now we all know, for each other, what is the best stuff to give for each other when having a bad day. Can you imagine having that type of support? That type of community? To know that your family wants to actively take care of you?

I imagine if Jake had that support. If he had that community.

The next morning the group chat was what you’d think- thanking the hosts for dinner and merriment. We all had a great time; we’re planning dates for the next dinner. The cousin who hosted has a two year old, and during the dinner she was in the mix- getting thrown in the air and buried in pillows, and reading books. When she woke up this morning she asked ‘Wo ist meine Familie?’ (Where is my family?) Because when she went to bed we were all still there. Which, really struck me. It’s so beautiful she wants to know where we are. That we’re part of her family. Her two year old network.

So this morning when I’m adding another cousin to my phone, my dead friend comes back to me. Jake. And, I don’t know. This sorrow is on me.

The circumstances. The arbitrary nature of this. My friend longed for family- for someone to care. I have that- not through much work of my own. Why didn’t he?

Why didn’t he have that?

Why didn’t he have that?

[ramblingdisaster73]

Rambling thoughts while rewatching Episode 4x12 “Swipe Left”

Carlos tells TK he is putting too much pressure on this – but says that after listing out his whole ass tea box

Lol – it’s supposed to be fun

My research had told me that the Rabbi would most likely want Carlos to convert.

My 42 years on this planet told me that Tom would be a douchey religious dude that thinks any and all queers are going to hell – I have quite literally heard it my entire life

No wonder that I am so repulsed by organized religion (I don’t care what you practice – just don’t put your beliefs on me.)

I do agree with the Rabbi on not listening to outside forces

TK thought that when Carlos told him that he was married – it was the last of the “difficult conversations”.

Like I said before – If your partner says there is a gaping chasm – there is one.

When can we stop using comas for why we don’t communicate? There have been 26 episodes since the last coma. Just fucking talk.

Or making the secret wife jokes – Each time – TK’s face has NOT been amused – but ha ha funny fucking joke. Please keep joking about the lie you kept from me for our whole relationship.

Carlos’ tone is very dismissive in the kitchen – I get that he likes to avoid things, but that was really trying to avoid it. Not just about the kids thing – but about TK telling him that he feels a rift growing due to their lack of communication on the subject.

I really strongly dislike Mitch Geralds, his wife too but he is just so instantly punchable.

He is lucky he met the 126 post Owen’s punching people stage

He reminds me of a creepy dude that I know – appearance and personality.

High quality manure for a low-quality couple

I love that they brought him in for her love interest.

She really is/was the only one not currently coupled off

I feel like Marjan has had the most consistent storyline this season.

I love the pre-dating training sessions

“How many princes did you kiss babe?” Mateo – I love you – never change

Also – so valid of Nancy to just move on with her dating tutorial as if he hadn’t spoken.

So, is Owen’s safe word rutabaga?

Not sure who was more enamored with the cheating cheater who cheats, but I think it might have been Owen – Marj didn’t go on a fried chicken bender

No fucking thank you on 8 kids – also especially not with that super douche. However – at least he is up front with his preferred spawn count.

I love that she asked on how they would feel about her working after marriage – For her – that is such a huge part of who she is.

“In a teahouse?”

Are people still that nuts about Harry Potter? I know that they had to movies & the stupid game that is/coming out, but are people still as into it as that dude was?

So, do we think he really does dog rescue crowd sourcing or did he just google image a dog with deformities for compassion points?

How many days passed in this episode? There were 4 dates in one day, right?

So the training was 1-2 days (I am guessing based on clothing) they probably started the training sessions that shift – so that would be day 1, then day 2 was with Tarlos.

Then the dates – all 4 in one day makes sense – but would it really be that easy to set all 4 up with a 1-day notice?

Plus the officiant day before the shift

Then the shift where they commiserate over dating issues

Leading into the pregnant lady rescue

Then Tarlos talk to their parents – another day (Could be the same day as the shift of commiseration)

Then the next day when they talk at the end

So at least a week total?

This talk in the bunk room makes me very happy that I haven’t had to date since 2007.

Dating rules are fucking stupid and I LOVE NANCY for that.

“You sure you’ve never dated before?” – Mateo

She is so cute though when he texts her – but not as cute as she is with Yusef.

At first, I thought that they set her up with the guys and chaperoned for the one they set up – until Owen fell in love & Mateo made a new friend.

I feel like working the desk in a no-tell motel would be both fascinating and sad as fuck.

I guess Judd had the day off

I do like the parent talks

“Avoid? I don’t avoid.” says Carlos Avoid & Deflect Reyes

This is among the best advice that Owen has given throughout the series

I like that throughout the episode neither of them doubts the love of or for the other.

The only irritating thing for me was Andrea telling Carlos it wasn’t true when he told her that he had only had a relationship with Gabriel until 2 years ago. – That isn’t for her to decide or determine. I would love to get to explore that a bit more – but with Gabriel

I do think that my spec fic was pretty right in the big ways (other than the very self-indulgent venue burning).

I like that we got a confirmation that Paul & Asha are together

Babe - you could have bought a cat – it would be a pet you could pet & wouldn’t cause too many nightmares.

Also – I don’t love that impression either, but I love that they are comfortable being dorks together.

The closing scene in this is the growth I needed to see in Carlos. This was him actually speaking, something that he was truly worried about (he even said as much to his mother in why he hadn’t talked about it before), but doing it anyway. Telling TK that he didn’t want kids, may not ever want them. He knew that TK might not be ok with it, but he still did it.

Through the episode, it felt to me that TK was trying to come to terms with his life picture changing, leading him to the conclusion that, for him, being with Carlos is the more important part of the picture, and he was ok with that. It just took time and thinking.

Lets hope that Carlos can continue having the hard talks instead of deflecting from them.

[se-hace-camino]

an ounce of vulnerability

While coming down from a 10hr long acid trip I tried my best to go to sleep and instead my mind's eye spelled it out as clear as day that my heart was still very much wrapped up in the ambiguously sapphic situationship all lesbians find themselves in during their teenage years.

Funny enough next time I would see said ambiguously sapphic friend, I ended up getting too drunk, getting overly competitive, breaking 1.5 of my own teeth and thus ruining the plans we had made to have dinner after not having seen one another in 3yrs.

The next morning, I bandage my face up and walk the 3mi to her place. When I get there I almost lose my nerve to ring the doorbell but I finally work up the courage. When she opens the door the look of concern was immediately upon her and with an outstretched hand she almost reaches for my face but stops just shy of contact and instead scans a careful gaze over my features. She invites me upstairs and introduces me to her boyfriend. It hurt but due more to my own lack of candor.

The years following my broken teeth and broken heart, I give dating men a shot. It was very much the same attitude I approached college with, and in similar fashion I'd say I passed heterosexuality with a "C" I learned that while I am capable of loving a man it came with an oftentimes burdensome feeling of a chore.

Come pandemic times and I learn that there really is only so much sex can do to maintain a relationship when the world is crumbling all around. Worse yet my dreams become infiltrated by the stress and anxiety of waking life and lo and behold she's the one I'm trying to get to and be with in my apocalyptic nightmares--at this point I haven't spoken to or seen her in maybe 4yrs. I would become especially upset at my mind for choosing to pine over a shadow of person vs my own mother who was fighting cancer at the time. What the actual fuck.

Fast forward to 2022, I came out to myself, close friends and family, unfortunately my mother passed but I got to share my truth before she transitioned. I'm writing a lot about everything and I made peace with the fact that I was pining after a fleeting memory of an old flame. And what do you know, guess who invites me to their small intimate wedding after having no contact for 5yrs. What little footing I had quickly fell from underneath me. 3 weeks later I showed up very late to the reception and stayed for the last hour. She married the guy I met after i broke my teeth.

She text me a couple of weeks later and asks to hang out. We have to reschedule a few times but the day before Halloween we meet up to kick the soccer ball around just like when we 1st started getting to know each other. We talk and eat, it feels like no time has passed at all, like we had just picked up an old routine. But at some point there's a lull that lasts a little too long and the transition between the songs seemed eternal--I almost formed the words "you know I was in love with you right?" but I can't do it so instead I just tell her about how my mom passed.

Fortunately I had plans later that night so I had an excuse to cut our reunion short. We made plans to meet again but its been a good 7 months and we keep missing each other, maybe its for the best. That day I found out that some things are better left unsaid.

[averyconfusedbrowngirl]

I guess this is my very first ever post...

Sooo I'm definitely using this as my personal diary where ya'll can read about my boring life with very self-obessed problems.

It is currently Valentine's Day and I am feeling extremelyyyy lonely. My life is pretty dead where all I do is go to work, go back home, and sleep. And sometimes I go out with friends to get drunk and personally try to forget about my struggles. Oh did I mention that these are all basically surface-level friends. I only have one true friend who lives back in my hometown, which is 3 hours away.

Now not to get off topic - this Valentine is especially hard for me due to many reasons. Last V-day I was with my (first ever) boyfriend, and the first year I had a Valentine. Whereas in comparison, I had dead lonely on this one. Do you see a theme here - I say lonely alot.

I currently have 2 guys on my mind - by guys I mean headaches... First guy is A, and then Q.

A is someone who I used to text in 2020, who then ghosted me but we stayed friends. As a brown girl, my mom is very much into try getting me arranged married and constantly brings guys to me. She one day showed me a picture of A. I laughed out loud when I saw his picture. This is as I realised over time that this guy is definitely not my type and the situation was hilarious. I texted him telling him the situation where he also laughed at it. We got to talking and he explained how he actually moved to the city I am living in for work and we should catchup for lunch one day. We did just that - had lunch, then coffee and then finally a loooong walk. We started at 2pm and ended at 10pm. This is as he came over to mine and we chatted over tea. I realised that I actually do like him and he definitely is my type. However, for some reason he HAD TO make it clear to me that he isn't looking for everything and he is just focusing on himself. We laughed about it and left it at that. We did continue to be friends and check in on one another. One day I had to pick up a package from the post office and I reached out to him for help as the post office is very far away and he has a car. He helped me out and brought me back home and helped me carry the box up my 3 flights of stairs. Long story short, we decided to go out to drink but he has to leave his car back home so I went with him, we picked up dinner on the way, had drinks at his and the plan was to go out around 11pm. However, we continued to drink at his and ditch going out. We somehow talked all the waaaay to 4am. As it was so late, he asked me to stay over and we would put a pillow between us. However one thing led to another and we slept together. One thing to note is that when we did sleep together I was under the impression that we were going to try pursue something out of it and forget about the staying "friends". He was the best I've ever had, and I felt an inexplicable connection. I was genuinely so happy. But my heart was basically shattered when the next morning we had "the talk" and he explained that he still stands on the friends decision. This is definitely different from what he said the night before but I sucked it up because I didn't wanna seem like I was desperate for him and make a fool of myself. I left his place on a good enough note, with pain in my heart, and went home. H texted me if I got home safe and how I was doing and then thats it. No communication from him for a week. I have to say that it was the longest week of my life. I genuinely felt like my heart was cracking every single passing day. There was one night where I felt like I couldn't breathe. He then reached out on the 8th day. His text was so casual just how i was going and just casual conversation. This broke my heart more but I just processed that I have to get over him.

Then comes in Q. Q is someone that I am so so confused about. He is someone I work with. I met him at a work gathering and we just got to talking. We basically kept talking the whole time we were there - about 3 hours of conversation. We basically told each other about our life and just got to know eachother. When it was finally time to leave, he said that we need to meet up for drinks or something and talk more. I genuinely thought we had a vibe going. The next day I went out for a girls night out. Q knew I was going out and asked that I go to the club he was going to with his friends. I hate that club so I told him I definitely was not going to that club. However, my friends and I did end up going to that club. I was low-key very excited to see him because, again, I thought there was a vibe. Buuuut guess what? the boy just ignored me. I was very very confused, like wtf! He didn't say one word to me. Then comes Monday and at work, he still proceeded to not speak to me. Again I am verrrrryyyy confused. And now Tuesday, and I had to sit on the same table as him for lunch because all my other friends were there. This BOY, not man, STILL DID NOT SAY A SINGLE WORD TO ME. I said hey and that's about it.

So to conclude, my fucking love life is in shambles. Because apparently I'm the type of girl that guys like when they are drunk but when sober I'm nothing.

If you have reached this far, welcome to my blogs about my stupid stupid problems.

[livingasaghost]

i have soooo much editing and life admin to do and yet i spent most of the afternoon annotating villains and reading caesar monologues help

was under the impression i'm disconnected from most of my friends (still believe this is the case) but have now reached the conclusion that i just....don't have enough friends these days! mostly in person tho, long distance is another beast that i don't have the capacity to think on especially bc most of my friends are just supremely busy at this time of year so i can't really ask them to make more of an effort and i don't even have the brainpower to make more of an effort myself so it's a wash

but when i was texting my friend about it the other day she literally was just like ....you're being too hard on yourself you're a good friend so. there's that

grief day was actually fine yesterday (aside from work being on fire metaphorically) but when i made myself do yoga before bed i had a nice little cry sesh over how hard 2017 was like damn it was rough!

been mourning 2019 today for some reason......

i miss a lot of the friends i used to have back then ):

i miss when i had friends to hang out with actually

i miss living down the street from laura (always)

like imagine if we could climb on the weekends and get food during the week wahhhh

speaking of ! i have concluded that i'm back in a disordered eating era.....which means i don't want to prep food and i really have no interest in eating although i know i need to and i am hungry....which is a bad place to be!!! because i need to be eating protein if i'm gonna keep climbing but alas i just cannot bring myself to eat much

i'm not....depressed per se, like i do think i feel mostly okay but self-care is rough right now and i don't know how to connect with anybody and it's very frustrating

reading is still going good i guess but i'm in the middle of THREE books now because i couldn't bring myself to read the last 20% of discord of gods and i'm stuck in my grief non-fic audiobook so.......who knows what read #100 will be!

i'm stuck on what i should say to ml rio when i meet her next month like how am i supposed to tell her this is one of the greatest books of all time

i was supposed to go shopping today for clothes for the rehearsal dinner and deadass just....didn't. because shopping for nice clothes is so stressful mainly because i do not want to wear a dress but i don't know where to find another jumpsuit/regular suit and i should've just gotten my mint suit tailored but now it's too late unless i wanna pay a fuckton of money and i do wonder how much of this is related to gender stuff in my brain.....problem for another day!

i have a video shoot tomorrow and i am soooo anxious about it

it's like i don't feel bad but i don't feel good and i wanna fast forward to when i'm with laura again and i wanna fast forward to us going to pnw because i do think that trip will fix me!!!! we're just gonna take photos and go hiking and eat yummy food and watch things at midnight and listen to music in the car and maybe i'll just cry because we've been hoping to do this trip since we were in high school and now we're turning thirty and she's getting married and neither of us is probably gonna publish the books we worked so hard on in the pandemic but we're still here and we have seen each other so many times this year and every thing always always comes back to laura for me and god i just miss her so much )))):

*lizzo voice* ANYWAY...

OH AND ALSO! i think i've been screaming/singing too much on my commutes because i started getting this weird JAW PAIN? and my vocal cords are mad at me a little??? like damn sorry i wanted to sing along to daddy i love him wHATEVER....

[lvlybin]

𖦹 ̼   ᮫   JUNOᘞ̸⠀ ׁ ₊ SUNG HAN BIN

summary   ༝༚༝༚ … you thank your lucky stars that Sung Hanbin was brought into your life. you’re even more grateful that you both have made it this far: marriage, home, jobs… the only thing that’s missing are tiny versions of you both and he’s more than happy to provide 18+ MDNI

wc 5187 ! ૮ ྀི◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ྀིა     ۫  ੭̲    𝓼hb & 𝓯!reader   ⊹   non-idol!au ( short n sweet mini series ) ( library )

爱    ࿁ ⠀ ˚⠀ warnings … unprotected p in v sex, so. much. baby talk, heavy heavy breeding kink, phone sex, masturbation (f!receiving), semi-public sex, oral f!receiving, fingering, nipple play, clit play, bulge kink?, talks of periods and ovulating   ︩︪

✉️ I feel insane for writing this >_< literally just something about this man I guess… enjoy my loves

“You’re so lucky to have a boyfriend like him,” was always the first thing people told you when they would meet Hanbin. The way their eyes would scan over him: his pretty face and kind smile as he greeted them, a hand resting on the small of your back to make it clear to the person that both you and him were taken. If he weren’t so polite, barely uttering a word or two to a friend of yours, you would’ve gotten jealous at how much attention he attracted. But of course, his mother had raised him to have a personality that would fit the perfect genes his father had given him.

It was easy to assume that he was out of your league, especially when you first met him, although he never made you feel that way. Hanbin made sure you knew how you were the only one for him–how you were the only woman who had the entirety of his being and praised you for simply existing. And the truth was, you really were lucky. Lucky to have found someone capable of so much love and someone that complimented you like he was made for you. It was as if the two of you were cut from the same cloth because even from the first interaction, he understood you better than anyone else and when he had laughed, those cute whisker dimples appearing on his skin, you were a goner. 

“YN won the lottery,” your best friend had laughed when you had shown her the picture of the man who had asked you on a date after the smallest interaction in the coffee shop. 

Laying on her bed, fuzzy socks clad on your feet and 13 Going on 30 playing in the background, you had popped another kernel of popcorn in your mouth as you rolled closer to her. “Right?” as you take your phone back from her, another text from Hanbin alerted on your screen. You grinned, “I don’t know what I did in my past life, but I am grateful for it now.”

Your friend laughs as she sinks into the pillows at the head of her bed, “Keep working that magic to make him fall in love with you.”

“I don’t know, he already seemed head-over-heels when he asked me out.”

She scoffed as Jennifer Garner kissed a young Mark Ruffalo on the TV.

“That’s gonna be you guys someday, getting married. God, YN, I swear if you don’t marry that man–”

“Shh, I just met him,” you giggled and your friend offered her free hand to you. 

Halfheartedly, you high-fived her. “Exactly. The rest of it should be easy.”

And it was. The next night with Hanbin only solidified it, and being with him finally introduced you to what a loving, healthy relationship should be. You made each other happy, and it was like no other person existed to the two of you. Years passed, and you both graduated from university, got a place together, and moved in, settling down and solidifying your jobs. 

None of your friends were surprised when Hanbin popped the question to you privately on the deck of the overwater bungalow you were staying in on your fourth-anniversary trip to Fiji. Or at the fact that you had said yes. 

It was a dream come true getting married to him. Your wedding day was everything you had wanted since you were a little girl, especially the groom, and for two more years, the two of you were enough. Until Hanbin started talking about getting you pregnant. 

Folded at the waist over the marble countertop of your shared kitchen, your husband groans loudly as he buries his length deep inside of you again. Your walls flutter weakly around him, his pace slow and harsh as you feel the veins of his length drag along the inside of your cunt. Hanbin’s grip against the back of your waist is bruising and all you can do is call out his name as one of his hands reaches around you to push against your lower stomach, feeling himself push into you again and again. 

The pressure has you seeing stars and Hanbin coos softly, “Yeah, baby, let me take care of you… I’ll take such good care of you, just let go and feel it for me.”

“Binnie!” you cry out, feeling that coil inside you getting ready to snap and Hanbin pants heavily. 

“‘M here, my love, I’m here,” he gasps out, thumb brushing over the hardened bud of your clit and you don’t have to see him to know he’s smirking as your orgasm hits you. As you ride out your high, his hand drifts over the soft part of skin just above your mound, his hips slamming into yours much faster. 

“You’d look so pretty pregnant,” he mutters under his breath and you gasp softly. “Wanna put a baby in you, breed you so good and see your tummy get round–” Hanbin has to stop himself and he lets out a choked moan. The overstimulation’s beginning to hit you, but you can’t find yourself to care, your fuzzy mind filled with thoughts of him having you in a way no one has had you before. No one other than him would be able to have you.

“Give it to me,” you grit out, slowly losing what little you have left of your composure. “I’ll give you a baby–”

He’s releasing inside of you before you can utter anything else.

It only gets worse after that impromptu session that random Wednesday morning. You knew Hanbin had great stamina, but clearly, you underestimated how high his sex drive could actually get. More often than not you were waking up with his head between your thighs, his tongue lazily flicking your clit as he begged you to give him some relief before he had to leave for the day. He had you working your hips over him whenever you tried to sit next to him on the couch, had your mouth around him while he was driving you both home from work, was joining you in the shower any chance he got–he was insatiable. 

Things increased tenfold when you both attended your niece’s fourth birthday party. It was strange to you that throughout the few hours you’d spent there, Hanbin hadn’t approached you once, opting to spend time with your brother-in-law and father, which was extremely unlike him. Normally, he would be attached to your hip, but it was your niece who was held in your arms for those few hours, demanding your whole attention. You missed the way Hanbin’s eyes darkened just in the slightest as you so effortlessly picked up your niece, speaking to her softly and making her laugh.

It was so natural for you, and Hanbin felt that small voice in the back of his head that had been steadily growing louder the past few weeks finally snap. If he got any closer to see you like this, he wouldn’t be able to contain himself, so he watched you from a distance. The image painted in his mind of your niece having his nose, your eyes, his face shape, your smile– it was almost too much to bear. He was tense for the rest of the birthday party. And for the entirety of the car ride home.

Later that night, after you had already gotten ready for bed, sitting between the sheets as you waited for Hanbin to finish up in the bathroom while scrolling on your phone was when he finally brought the topic up.

“What d’you think about having kids?” he’d asked through the open bathroom door. The words caused you to look up from your phone immediately, your heart racing. 

“I want them,” you started softly. “They’re a big responsibility though, I don’t just want to rush right into it…”

His head popped out from around the edge of the door and he looked so adorable, hair a fluffy mess and skin shining a bit from the moisturizer he’d just applied. “...Could we maybe start thinking about having them?”

You turn your phone off as the corners of your lips twitch into a smile, “How long have you been thinking about this, Bin?” His cheeks turn a light shade of pink as he turns off the light in the bathroom, entering the bedroom. You laugh softly as he shrugs and practically throws himself onto the bed. 

“A while…” he admits shyly, burying his face into your stomach, your shirt separating him from your bare skin. “I want it so bad, though. I’m in love with you, I’ll always be in love with you, and I want you to be the mother of my children.”

“You can’t just say that–”

He laughs, “But it’s true!”

You’re silent for a moment, running your fingers through his hair, the sensation helping you gather your thoughts. When he looks up at you, eyes wide and pleading, you feel your resolve crumble, “Please?”

How are you supposed to say no to that?

“Well…” You have to look straight ahead, avoiding eye contact with him as you voice your thoughts for the sole point of not getting distracted. “We both want kids… and we’re financially stable…” Hanbin lets out soft hums of agreement at each thing you list, moving up your body until his face is right next to yours. 

“Please let me get you pregnant.”

“Hanbin–” You try, but his lips are pressing against your neck and suddenly it’s so much harder to think. 

“You’d look so pretty. Your belly full of our child and you wouldn’t have to lift a finger.” He mouths at a sensitive spot of skin and you arch your back to press your body closer to his. “I’d take such good care of you…”

“I’d… I’d still have to get off the pill.”

Hanbin chuckles, “I’d love you so good that your birth control wouldn’t stand a chance.” You let out a noise somewhere between a giggle and a moan as he pulls away from your neck, a smile on his face as you make eye contact with him.

“Then consider it done,” you whisper to him just before his lips meet yours.

The next day, you turn off your alarm for when you’re supposed to take the pill, and Hanbin’s more than happy to throw the little foil packet into the trash. And to fuck you on the bathroom counter afterward. 

The first week of being off of birth control you get your period. It’s surprisingly nowhere as near as heavy as you expected, but it’s still annoying to deal with, except for Hanbin being the angel he is and comforting you through the first two days of the subtle pain. Bringing you your favorite snacks, cuddling you whenever you asked for it, and giving you massages. Even though this level of care was nothing new, Hanbin hadn’t hesitated to bring up how this was his practice for when you were pregnant. You had rolled your eyes at his words. 

But when you start ovulating, it’s torture. The worst it’s been in a while, actually, and sitting at work all day, mind running a thousand miles a minute with thoughts of Hanbin, Hanbin, Hanbin and you wish you’d never gotten off of the pill. You shift in your seat, unable to focus on anything as you feel your panties cling to you, the slightest movement making you want to scream out in frustration. 

when’re you gonna be done with work tonight?

Your husband responds almost immediately:

binnie!

Around 5

Why?

You grumble a little, sending him another message and trying to be as blunt as possible.

I’m so horny Hanbin

can’t believe I actually listened to you and went off the pill this is horrible

The three little dots appear and bounce around for a few moments only for four little words to pop up on your screen.

binnie!

Go to the bathroom

You’re getting up from your desk immediately, making your way to the family restroom and locking the door behind you just as Hanbin’s contact appears on your phone. You don’t hesitate to answer his call.  

“Is it that bad?” is the first thing he asks and you squeeze your eyes shut, rubbing your temples with your free hand. 

“Maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but I cannot focus on anything for the life of me– Hey, don’t laugh.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he gets out between the sweet sounds of his laughter. Just hearing his voice is already making you feel better. He’s quiet for a moment after his chuckles die down, “Do you want help?”

A rush of arousal goes through you, “Please.”

“Okay, honey do whatever you need to do and I’ll stay on the phone with you–”

“Just– Keep talking,” you breathe out, your hand that’s not holding your phone undoing the button of your pants so you would have enough room to slip your hand into your panties. He laughs softly again and the sound practically has you gushing all over the fabric of your clothes. 

Your fingers run through the wetness growing at your entrance, making sure you have enough lubrication before you begin circling your clit. “Oh, my sweet girl… You’re so good for me. Doing all of this so we can have a family.” You let out a small whimper and Hanbin coos gently, his voice low and intimate.  

“I’ll make it so worth it, baby. You’re not gonna be leaving our bed at all tonight.” Your breaths are coming out in soft pants, struggling to control yourself as your movements quicken and your hips buck to meet your hand, practically humping your fingers. “‘M gonna come in you over and over and over again so there’s no chance that you won’t be pregnant by tomorrow.”

Your voice is breathy and you have to bite your tongue to stay quiet, “Please Binnie.”

“Tell me what you’re doing.” You swallow down a moan.

“Rubbing my clit. Trying to do it like you do but it’s hard,” you complain, trying to stay as quiet as possible as you run a finger over the hardened bud, only drawing yourself closer to your release. 

“I’m here, baby, just keep doing what feels good,” Hanbin encourages and if your head wasn’t the slightest bit fuzzy, you would probably be able to hear the strain in his voice. You press a little harder and you feel your high beginning to creep up on you, leaning your head back against the bathroom wall. 

“I’m gonna cum,” you whisper, holding on just for the sake of waiting for his permission. 

Hanbin hums, “It’s okay, my sweet girl, let go.” 

Your orgasm washes over you instantly and your teeth sink into the side of your cheek to prevent you from crying out, Hanbin’s soft praises helping you ride out the length of your high. When you finally calm down, Hanbin’s the first to speak. 

“Feel better.” You smile weakly. “Much. Thank you.”

He chuckles, “It’s the least I can do. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay for the rest of the day?”

You pull your phone away from your face to look at the time, “Just a few more hours. If I need anything else I’ll just call you again.” The smile in his voice is evident.

“I hope you would,” he pauses for a moment. “I love you.”

It’s your turn to smile, it’s almost subconsciously, but you can’t help it. “I love you. I’ll see you when you come to pick me up.”

“I’ll see you soon,” he repeats back to you, before you end the call, giving yourself a moment alone to catch your breath and try to get your hormones under control.

Surprisingly, you’re able to get some things done for the rest of the day. Maybe it’s the motivation from being able to see your husband in just a few hours, but time doesn’t pass by nearly as slow as it did in the morning. Finally, you clock out, entering the parking garage after Hanbin messages you that he’d arrived. You’d never been so relieved to see his car in your life. And your heart rate increases tenfold when he gets out of the driver’s side, you traveling the short few steps before wrapping your arms around him tightly. The velvety sandalwood scent that clings to him infiltrates your senses and you let out a deep sigh, relaxing immediately.

He rubs your back, kissing your head softly, “I missed you.”

“Missed you more.” You pull away slightly to peck him on the lips, “Let’s go home?” At your suggestive tone, Hanbin smirks a little, never letting go of you as he makes his way around the front of the car, opening the passenger's side door for you. 

“Let’s.”

You’ve never wanted to teleport so badly in your life, the car ride back to the house feeling like it stretched on longer than your entire work day. The best you could do to distract yourself from the longing growing inside of you again was watch as the city passed by, doing everything in your power to not look over at your husband because his hand resting on your thigh was more than enough. You figured that Hanbin must be as sexually frustrated as you, or at least the smallest bit with the way his fingers began to dig into your skin and the brief image of him gripping the steering wheel tightly. But to your disappointment, his impeccable control was still intact when you both entered your house.

Hanbin hadn’t pushed you up against the wall or bent you over the nearest surface, he’d simply taken off his shoes, then your own before walking towards the kitchen. You gaped a little, eventually following him while wondering what happened to that desperate man from a few weeks ago. All you could do was watch in disbelief as Hanbin dug around in the fridge, getting out some leftovers and warming them up before placing them in front of you.

“Eat.” You were getting tired of his one-word commands as you slid into one of the seats at the island counter, beginning to eat quickly. “Slow down a little, honey, I don’t want you to choke,” he laughed softly, reaching to hold your wrist and force you to relax your movements. 

You tilt your head, “Hanbin.” He responds with a soft hum. “Do you really have to draw this out even more?”

“Do you remember what I said on the phone earlier?”

Carefully, you eat another mouthful of the food before answering, “That you were gonna take care of me.”

“I did say that,” he agrees, leaning on the counter with his hands. “What I meant, though, was how I’m not letting you leave our bed tonight.”

Oh. You didn’t think it was possible to feel even more turned on.

“And you’re not going to, so eat.” Your face flushes as you hesitantly resume eating. His warm brown eyes never leave you as the contents of the plate slowly disappear, and when you swallow the final bite, Hanbin is taking the plate away. He sets it by the sink and then before you can process where he is, you’re in his arms and his lips are pressing harshly against yours.

It’s like he’s trying to consume you as his mouth melds so perfectly against your own, his tongue slipping past your lips when you gasp at the suddenness to swirl around your mouth. You grip onto his shoulders tightly, scrunching his shirt under your palms as his hands find the undersides of your thighs, squeezing the skin as he begins to walk. The moments where he pulls away from kissing you are short-lived, only meant for taking in small breaths and to make sure he wasn’t going to run into a wall. He shifts your weight against him as he pushes the door to your bedroom open.

Your feet find the floor and Hanbin’s holding your face with his hand as his taste continues to fill your mouth, making your brain cloudy and full of thoughts of just him, him, him. Gently, you push at his chest, breaking the kiss to catch your breath, a small string of spit connecting your mouths. Hanbin smiles and your heart almost beats out of your chest. 

His hands slide under the bottom of your shirt, caressing the soft skin of your waist as he begins guiding you backward. 

“Needed you so badly today. You sounded so pretty on the phone my dick was hard for hours,” he groans before his lips land on your neck. Hanbin bites softly, leaving marks all over the expanse of your skin and when his teeth brush against a particularly sensitive spot, you yelp. His breath is warm against your neck as he sucks at the spot harshly before pulling away. 

“Want it, Bin, want it so bad– Need you inside me.”

“Be patient,” he mumbles, but with the way his hands are instantly pulling at the hem of your shirt, you can tell that he doesn’t want to wait either. “And be careful with what you say.” His tone is heavy with lust as you fall back against the covers of your bed, the sheets a mess since neither of you had bothered to make it that morning. 

“Either way I’m gonna get what I want,” you say as he tugs the straps of your bra down, muttering a few words of annoyance as he reaches behind you to undo the clasp. 

His hands feel so big as he pulls the clothing in, his cheeks turning pink as he drinks in the sight of your bare chest. “And what is it you want?”

“Want your baby.” Hanbin practically groans at the three words, mouth lowering to the top of your tits to trail soft kisses in a horizontal line across them both. 

A small moan leaves your lips, “Sounds like you want it as much as I do.” His pink lips are wrapping around one of your nipples, running his tongue over the bud and sucking to erect the nerves.

“‘M gonna make you a dad.” His fingers pinch harshly at your other nipple, which he quickly soothes by running the pad of his thumb over it. It was almost like a warning, but all it made you do was rub your thighs together, wanting more friction. When Hanbin removes himself from your nipple, it already feels sore, the skin red as he kisses it quickly. Then the other. 

“Can’t wait to see your tits get all swollen. You gonna let me massage them? Let me make you feel better while your body grows our baby?”

“Yes,” you groan out eagerly, arching your back slightly to press your body closer to his.  

“I know, baby, I know,” he reassures, rubbing your nipples in small circles as he kisses his way down your stomach. “You’re gonna be so relaxed, you’re gonna feel so good that you won’t even care how full you’re gonna be with my cum.”

“Please, Binnie,” you whine as his hands leave your breasts to undo your pants, pulling them down your legs impatiently along with your panties. He hums a little as his hands gently guide your thighs apart. 

His thumb dips into your entrance just the smallest bit, collecting your wetness before spreading it all around your pussy, avoiding your clit. “Relax,” he repeats, kissing your inner thigh before wrapping his lips around your clit. Hanbin’s tongue flicks quickly over your most sensitive spot, making you cry out and your hand shoots down to hold him against you. 

“You taste so good,” he mumbles against you, and the vibration has you reeling, bucking your hips toward his face. The tip of his tongue teases you, gently moving the bud back and forth as you feel spit run down from your clit to your entrance, making your opening even more messy. Hanbin sucks on the hard little nub as his middle finger begins to work its way into you, the thrusts deep and slow as he eases you open. The sounds of his finger pumping into your pussy and his slurping against your clit make you cry out louder, and you prop yourself up onto one of your elbows to get a better view of him.

His eyes are already on you, pupils blown wide. “You’re so pretty, Binnie. Mouth feels s’good,” you slur, running your hand through his hair, and your praise has him pushing another finger into you. “God! Make me cum, Bin– Make me cum,” you whine as he stops sucking on you, flattening his tongue and lapping at you, fingers speeding up and curling so perfectly that your wetness is gushing around him. 

Every time he eats you out, he acts like a starved man. Desperate for your attention and desperate for your pleasure as he ruts against the bed every so slightly, eyes falling shut as he takes your clit back into his mouth. The pressure has you practically sobbing and you feel yourself clench around his digits when a third finger brushes against your hole.

“Y’gonna cum already?” Hanbin teases and you let out a frustrated grumble. 

“I’ve been waiting for this all day, don’t tease me.” 

He thrusts his fingers into you roughly and you’re falling apart around him, his thumb resting on your clit to give you enough friction to enjoy your orgasm as his face comes back to hover over yours. 

“Was thinking about your pussy all day too, baby, no need to get angry.” 

“‘M not angry, I just need you to fuck me.” Hanbin chuckles and his lips meet yours in an opened mouth kiss, the taste of you heavy on his tongue. He pulls away just enough to slip his shirt over his head as your shaking, weak hands fumble with his belt. Soothingly, he kisses you again, taking your hands in his own and placing them on his shoulders before he takes care of the rest of his clothes himself. 

You want to cry in relief when you feel his tip run along your entrance, collecting the wetness that had seeped out of you from your previous orgasm. “Ready?”

“Please,” you whine and Hanbin doesn’t hesitate to slowly push his length into you. Both of you are moaning as he fills you up, that itch you’d needed to scratch all day finally subsiding as the weight of him rests inside your pussy, letting you adjust around him. You both kiss lazily for a moment as you relax. “You can move,” you finally whisper into his mouth.

Hanbin’s hands wrap around your calves gently as he guides them towards your face, your thighs pressing against your chest and allowing him to get deeper inside of you as he begins to fuck into you. “My wife, only for me, right?”

He starts at a borderline painfully slow pace, getting lost in the feeling of your velvety walls wrapped around him so tightly and enjoying how you’re pinned underneath him. Your hands clutch at the sheets beneath you, mouth falling open at the steadiness and precision his hips have as his knees dig into the mattress. 

“Only– f’you, Binnie!” 

“Mhm.” And if it weren’t for the way his eyebrows are slightly furrowed, you would think your fluttering walls around him weren’t even affecting him. “All mine. All mine to love, and to fuck, and to get pregnant.”

“Ah!” You cry out as he begins forcing into you at a faster pace. “Yes! Need it~ Need you to fill me up–”

“Keep your eyes on me,” Hanbin demands, his drag along your walls ruthless and everything feels so intimate. His fingers find your clit again, rubbing it harshly and flicking it side to side, trying to build up your pleasure so you can’t focus on anything else. He pulls out to the tip, pushing into you again and he feels a rush of your arousal spill around his length, causing him to moan as well. “Want this forever, baby. You don’t understand–”

“Yes, please, forever,” you blabber, so dick-drunk and gone already. He chuckles, tongue slipping out to lick at the sweat building up on his upper lip. “Baby… Baby~”

“I know, sweet girl, I’m gonna give it to you,” Hanbin reassures, hand leaving your calf to press against your abdomen. “Feel how deep I am? That’s where I’m gonna finish, ‘s where you’re gonna get all round and full with our baby and– Fuck,” he curses, feeling you clench tightly around him. 

He looks at your dazed eyes, love evident in his expression and it almost feels like it’s too much. But you want it, you want it so bad, the images of him holding your baby consuming your mind and you pant out little, ‘Ah-Ah-Ah’s weakly. Hanbin’s thrusts slow a bit, but with the way he’s hitting that spot inside of you every time, you don’t really notice that much. 

“Oh yeah, you like that so much, don’t you?”

“Please.” Is all you can manage, reaching up to hold his face with your hands, desperate for something to ground you as he begins to fuck into you at a faster speed again. Hanbin kisses you gently, a complete contrast from the way he’s moving inside of you and rubbing you and he’s never been like this before but you do–you like it so much.

His upper body comes to cover yours as he removes his hand from your clit, resting his elbows on either side of your head so he can see your face as you approach your high. “‘M close–”

“Cum for me,” he gets out, hips moving to provide you as much pleasure as possible, feeling himself near his orgasm as well. “Cum for me, I’m right behind you.”

You moan out his name loudly as you fall over the edge, nose pressed against his as his eyes stare into your own. Hanbin’s mouth drops open a bit as he feels you cum around him, burying himself inside of you as he releases as well. The warmth of his cum inside of you has you whimpering slightly, both of you breathing heavily as you catch your breath for a moment. Hanbin pulls out of you with a small ‘pop’– looking down to watch as his release leaks out of you. 

A soft sob leaves your lips as his fingers gather the liquid, forcing it back into you. “Shh, shh, shh,” he shushes you, and you flinch at the overstimulation, hips jerking away from him a bit. Which he clearly doesn’t like, his hands pinning your hips down as he fits his length into you again. 

“Don’t run away from it…” he trails off, leaning over to kiss you sweetly. “We want it to take, right? I don’t care if I have to handcuff you to the bed, ‘m gonna make sure you’re pregnant by tomorrow morning.” And when you feel Hanbin begin to weakly buck into you again, you know he’s not lying.

[061801]

Ok so I wasn’t gunna do a lot of typing but I really feel some type of way about the guy I’m kinda seeing. We’ve been friends for a long time and I’ve seen him do things to others so I know how he is. I’ve never taken him seriously because of it. But that was years ago and I guess I trusted him because he is a very honest person and admits random things to me that most people wouldn’t so idk I do feel like he is genuine for the most part. However we just live 2 totally different kind of lives, we’re over 10 years apart. I am honestly convinced he thinks I am so naive and vulnerable that he expects me to just say yes and nod my head and follow whatever he says. Even though he says he’s trying not to control me and he knows I can do whatever I want; he throws in side comments like “girls who do that have no lives, girls that do that will never get a bf” etc “but if that’s what u wanna do I’m not gunna stop u” and when I get pressed he’s like ur choosing to be offended like ya im trying to find a career and the guy I like sounds like he’s insinuating that that’s how ill end up. Even tho he’s not specifically saying those words I am not gunna sit here and act dumb and say that’s not how he is predicting id turn out if I worked certain jobs.

Anyway that’s just one other argument we get into. The second most recent one wasn’t really his fault. I woke up and he wasn’t in bed next to me and he had told me before he would go up to the couch and text his ex when he was with his other ex and I’m not really the type of girl to sit here like a fool over it I’ll fuckin leave so I unfortunately figured that was what he was doing cuz I didn’t have sex with him the night prior and I went home at like 5 am. It wasn’t dramatic I didn’t argue with him I just left and he woke up and heard me. He ended things with me cuz he apparently wants to work on his religion and end up marrying another woman; that’s a whole other fucking thing. We’ve always been fwb but it’s been more serious lately and I thought maybe he’d lean away from that option but he’s still planning on it so I argue with him like wtf am I here for just to fill the void??? What’s the point and he’s like just enjoy it while it lasts. I guess but I don’t wanna waste time with someone who isn’t even gunna wife me. Anyway he said he missed me after almost a week and he wanted to see me so we hung out all that. I went to my home town with my friend and for no reason he goes i think I’m in between something here I’m weirded out. And I’m like literally what makes u think ur in between something and he’s like he (my friend) wants u so bad he’s ur sugar daddy and I know that’s what u want. Another back handed fucking comment. The way I talk about girls who have sugar daddies and don’t work is negative and he talks about them the same way. So for him to refer me as one of those girls and saying I wanna be like that is insane. And he’s like whattttt I just want you to be happy so I want you to have what makes you happy how am I being a bad guy !??!?!?! Like you’re fucking saying I’d be happy mooching off someone which i have never fucking said i would actually do. The fact you look at me that way is crazy. And he’s like ur the one taking offence that’s not my fault like buddy if I sit here and say I know u only rly get with average girls…. Whattttt I know u like average girls so that’s just what u dooooooo like fuck out of here u know what ur saying is back handed and I fucking can’t stand people who play like they aren’t. They know what they’re doing. So when I start getting all riled up about it first of all he said he was just asking if he was in the way, he didn’t ask. He said HE FELT like he was. He was basically saying that is his opinion. I’m having a good time 3 hours away and you want to basically start up some debate about how you think you are and how I explain to you for the 7th time that you’re wrong. If you feel that way then leave, secondly if I wasn’t someone ur just gunna leave as soon as u find what u need in life then I would go out of my way to make sure you don’t feel like ur in between something but I can’t take it that serious. He always says we’re not together but you’re my girl and I used to love that but like nah u don’t like when I do certain things but u don’t wanna stay with me so why am I obeying someone who’s gunna leave me lol. He says if I don’t listen to him then my life’s gunna spiral down. I need to prove to this guy that he’s wrong. So after he makes me mad cuz he knows what he’s doing and just refuses to admit it; he says you exploded and u need to enjoy ur trip. Why u wanna spend ur trip mad? BITCH I DONT U FUXKING WANTED TO START AND I EXPLAINED MYSELF CUZ U GOT ME FUCKED UP AND NOW U JUST WANNA GHOST THE SITUATION AS IF U DIDNT FUCKIN STIR THE POT like bye bye bye bye bye

[lonleygirl222]

There was a girl.

**Disclaimer, names have been changed for privacy reasons.**

(So you know who I'am speaking of there are the names below)

S- Chloe

J- Georgina

M- Melanie

T- Drea

Well now that i have the time to talk about all of this I would like to tell you about the time i feel in love with another woman. Let's take this back to 2013? or 14. I was in this group on Facebook in my Local city in Arizona. I met a woman by the name of Chloe. To describe Chloe she reminded me a lot of a female Johnny Bravo mixed with a night, i guess lol. She wasn't really much of anything negative at the time because i didn't know her. So i one day friended Chloe on facebook, thought we could be friends and i was open to finding a girlfriend and wanting to have that world FULLY opened up. I had dated women in the past and i wanted to date another one. ((Lets be clear though i have been married since 2012 and he was FULLY aware and OKAY with the situation!!)) Chloe and I were friends for I wanna say a year before we actually hung out. She invited me to a concert ahh i loved that show so much!! Rob Zombie!! and in this moment? Anyway, that was a good show. Chloe and I hit it off the energy and the vibe was good. She picked me up and dropped me off, it was nice. Next couple weeks went by and she invited me to dinner so i went it was a nice place she took me to. I had a kale salad i didn't enjoy it lol BUT i'm a woman and thats what we do lol. FROM WHAT I REMEMBER she had asked me to be her girlfriend and i accepted. I like to live life in the moment so we got to know each other as the days went on. She was from Seattle, she had two cats, she's divorced, manager for a very well known company. She is a Pieces. Amazing cook! Things with her were just simple we clicked. I don't know why or how we just did. OH the LIVE.ME days. I usually go on from every now and then but not as much as i used to before. The older i got the less fun it became. She never met Georgina, Melanie, or Drea. They didn't know about my relationship with Chloe because i knew how judgmental they were and I felt like they didn't want to compete with another female spending time with me. Plus at the end they were Jealous about my relationship with her anyway. So anyway. Things with her were great. The sex ugh! I kind of tingle thinking but i wont even waste energy. lol. So sex was good, the conversations were good. I feel like she didn't really understand my resting bitch face when i would watch tv some times lol but its okay. I was a little annoyed that she kept asking me if i was okay haha. She showed me a new show i liked and it was good. Wentworth check it out. WAY better than Orange is the new black. Chloe was extremely giving. Never expected anything back. She was ALWAYS there for me. When i didn't ask she would deliver. She was in love, I wasn't as there like she was but i got there and once i was there, i was there. I wanted to be with her every day. I wanted to fall asleep in her arms and enjoy having someone care for me when im sick or uplift me when im sad. I never had that from my husband. I spoke to my cousin about everything and told her that i would really leave my husband for her But i was scared. I don't know what it was at the time but i was TERRIFIED!! My friend Georgina found out I was dating Chloe. She apparently saw us at a restaurant and went and created a group chat on facebook with Melanie and Drea. she told them about us and it was basically an intervention for me. I met up with them at this spot at a restaurant we usually went to. That whole set up was because Georgina opened her big mouth. Now this all started like 3 months ? into our relationship. Things started to go bad Like REALLY bad. Chloe started getting messages, texts, calls, emails. all from Georgina. The other two didn't know about this. Once they found out a whole month later no one could put a stop to it. Georgina was a little crazy to make people believe in her like she is HORRIBLE things when we were younger and she got her way out of it. Lawfully things. i can't believe i allowed her to get away with so much. Things got so bad Chloe and i started to fight we broke up got back together broke up it was just a mess. part 2?

[renaissanceman5073]

How to Lose a Man in Ten Minutes

This is perhaps the most over used short article topic ever - but I can't resist. Women are great at giving each other bad advice about men. They are certain they are right because, after all, women know everything about relationships, right? Well let's see. Here are the things you can do, from a man's perspective, to ensure you will not get a second date with a serious man.

Now, I said "serious man," because I am assuming that you want to wind up with a man who's worth marrying as opposed to some boy just looking to get laid. Men are not afraid of commitment. A man is looking for opportunities to show you he is a gentleman. A man is looking for intimacy and will be a stable father to your children.

Boys are playing around. They are not interested in anything long term, or anything that might get in the way of their "personal freedom." They are looking for regular sex, but without any commitment. Boys don't want children and really don't want someone else's children. Boys will string you along for years because they can. Boys are all about the fun. Men are about romance, family and yes, sex. Chances are you want a "man," and not a "boy."At least that's what I am assuming for the purposes of this post. Here are the top ways to make sure a man will never call you back for a second date.

1.  Talk About Other Guys

This is first for a reason. Men require your undivided attention when you are with them. It is just the way we are built. If you're busy texting Nancy about how your date is going, you probably are not going to keep him interested. Likewise, if you're talking about your ex or what "my friends Robert, Jake and Louis" said the other night,  you are telling your date that he will have to share your attention with other men - maybe a lot of other men. 

So what? "I don't like the jealous types anyway." Here's the thing, it's not about jealousy. It is about respect. Men are always asking the question "does she respect me" while women are asking "does he like me"? As I said, a man requires your undivided attention when you are with him the same way you want his attention when you're telling him about your day. All you're telling him is that you come with baggage. And guess what? Most men will move on to the next girl. If a man knows after the first date that he will have to compete with a bunch of other men for your attention every day of his life, it's over for you. Life is too short.

2.  Talk About his Mother

Telling him outright that you're desperate to get married is probably a little worse, but at least he might respect your willingness to be direct. Talking about his mother, especially on the first date sends the same bad message as it would be if he talked about his mother to you on the first date.

3.  Lie

No one likes being lied to, but men really hate this in the dating context. It goes back to the "respect" requirements men have. Men are direct communicators. They tend not to shy away from topics that you might find uncomfortable. If you can't be straight with him, then he knows you probably don't respect him either.

Rather than making something up, be honest with him. "I'm not sure I want to talk about that," or "maybe when I know you better," are perfectly good answers to a topic you would ordinarily lie about. If he senses he can't trust you, then he will follow his gut and move on.

4.  Act Aloof or Too Cool

Aloof women who are too cool for everyone are very attractive, sexually, in a mysterious way - when you're a teenager. But, as men get to an age where they are looking for a serious relationship, they are looking for a warm, approachable, engaging woman to share their evenings with - not the cold, aloof femme fatale. 

5.  Sex on the First Date

He knows that if you're having sex with him on the first date, you're a girl that will have sex with other first dates. While most secure men really don't care about your sexual history, no man wants to feel like he's just another notch in your belt. You may get more dates, but he'll always put you in the "booty call" box instead of the "marriage material" box.

I know there are many many other things to discuss when it comes to dating, but I thought these were  less overused. Thanks for indulging me. 

Tomorrow: How to Win a Man in 5 Dates.