#another elfy recipe ^^

[felassan]

Peasant Bread recipe from Dragon Age: The Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas.

Transcribed lore blurb:

"Peasant Bread While traveling through Orlais, I spied this rustic and hearty bread being eaten by both Dalish and city elves alike. The recipe is very straightforward, calling for wheat, salt, and grease in nearly equal parts, and it produces a biscuit that feels like it would be right at home in any Fereldan dish. It does a wonderful job of mopping up any last bits of stew left inside your bowl, but it also pairs well with a bit of butter and jam."

Source: Dragon Age: The Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas.

[leftsidebonfire]

Another exciting round of Elfie Makes Drinks! Today's Drink? It features one of the many talented One Piece doctors!

Trafalgar Law 🫀🏴‍☠️

Ingredients:

Vanilla

Almond

Butter Cookie

Blueberry Boba

Whipped Cream

Sprinkle of Cinnamon

I chose this fun and delicious recipe for something that looks sophisticated and tastes very smooth and subtle. It's sweet but not overbearing. I added in the Blueberry Boba to help with the illusion of Law's signature hat, but you could just as easily use tapioca for the same effect. I just happen to like the Bluberry in this recipe! If Law ever asked me for a drink, I would make this for him and hope he enjoyed it! Hearts on the cup included <3

@supernaturallyginger (tysm for the idea!)

[pechefarm]

Buttercup Baby Ch 6

Pairing: Sam/Male Farmer OC

Rating: T for Teen

Word Count: 5,136

A/N: FIRST: There is some discussion of war violence, and I want to give you a heads up that it's in this chapter. It's not super graphic, but it's there,

The cake discussed in this book can be replicated by following this recipe! Yay!

And lastly I don't want to hear any Rent fans telling me that it's "Christmas Day" not "New Year's Day" I went with the lyrics from the movie, so apologies.

Anyway enjoy!!!

You can find it on ao3 here

~~~~~~~

It was time to water his plants, but Léo was still lying in bed, eyes closed shut. He was wearing his headphones, music turned nearly all the way up.

Here comes the rain again Falling from the stars Drenched in my pain again Becoming who we are

Léo let out a shuddering breath. Today was the worst day of the year. Of every year. And the funny thing was, it used to be the best day ever. Léo used to love his day, used to love everything about it. It was a day to celebrate after all. But it was tainted now.

As my memory rests But never forgets what I lost Wake me up, when September ends

He squeezed his eyes shut, listening to his brother’s favorite band, music blaring into his ears. Léo had been doing this every year since 2015 on this day. He would find his brother’s favorite songs, or songs that Léo believed he would like, and would play them at full volume until he didn’t feel like dying anymore. 

He was suddenly jolted out of his thoughts when his phone buzzed. Someone was texting him, and he really didn’t want to stop listening to the music to see who it was. His phone buzzed again, and he finally picked it up, looking to see who so desperately needed to be in contact with him. Léo’s heart jumped into his throat when he saw that it was Henri. He had sent a picture of him, Léo, Elfie, and Léo’s twin brother José. Henri and Léo were flashing matching peace signs, and José had his arm around a blushing Elfie’s waist. Henri had sent a second text accompanying it.

Living with my bitches #live

Léo couldn’t help it, he laughed out loud. His bitter mood began to fade as he sat up, trying to think of the perfect response.

Where did you even get this pic from?

Honestly, Léo didn’t even remember this picture being taken. It looked like it was from their trip to the Rosario Islands. Léo smiled as he thought about that trip. The four of them had been so happy hanging out together. José and Elfie had entered their 3rd year of being together during this trip, and Henri had been teasing them about when they would finally get married. José had teased Henri right back, asking when he and Léo would finally get together. Léo felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes, and he tried to push that part of the memory out of his mind. Luckily another message came in.

It’s from 2013 during our spring break trip. Remember that?

Léo snorted. How could he forget? This was the trip when Léo realized he had a crush on Henri, who he had met the previous year. He smiled and scrolled up to the picture again. Four 19 year old idiots on the spring break trip of their life.

Of course! That trip was a blast. Nice Chainsmokers ref

Henri responded not even two seconds later.

I remember José used to love that damn song. Even though it was nothing like the emo stuff he usually listened to. Oh, also before I forget…

Léo waited with bated breath, wondering what Henri wanted to tell him. A few moments later a link was sent to him, leading to a play list called ‘José’s Playlist.’

Did you make a playlist for him????

If Henri took the time to make a playlist for his brother for today…maybe he still cared? Léo didn’t dare hope that Henri actually wanted to be in his life, but this was so personal, so intimate. 

Well yeah I figured you’d need it today

Léo smiled at his phone and then sighed. What was he doing? Henri was being a friend, that was it. They weren’t together, they were over. Henri had ditched his sorry ass, and they were over. But what if…?

He jumped as his phone rang. It was Elfie. He quickly took the call, and he and Elfie discussed today, a day that was hard for both of them. Léo considered telling her that Henri had sent him that playlist, and that she should listen to it. But he could just hear her sighing deeply and telling him that he needed to not be texting his ex, especially when he was feeling vulnerable.

Full of a new vigor, Léo got up, threw his farm clothes on and got to work. But this time, he put his headphones on and listened to the playlist that Henri had made. It was mostly Green Day, which made sense. José had been obsessed with them. The occasional Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco song were sprinkled in. The playlist ended with #Selfie which made Léo chuckle. For some reason, his brother had heard that song and had become obsessed with it. 

When he finally finished up, Léo got ready to head into town. What he really wanted to go do was head to the beach and relax. It had been way too long since he had been down there, and it would be nice to watch the waves roll in. He had tossed on some shorts and a loose tank top. He wondered if there would be anyone down on the beach this afternoon. 

Léo passed a few people as he walked down to the beach. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Caroline’s flirtatious greeting. She was always doing this, much to the chagrin of Abigail. He was used to it by now, and Pierre seemed completely oblivious to it.

“I don’t get it, she knows you’re gay!” Abigail said, exasperated.

“Maybe she’s doing what I do when I see a hot straight boy,” Léo said. Abigail gave him a curious look, and Léo elaborated. “Cross my heart and hope he’s bi.”

Abigail burst out laughing, and the mood had lightened considerably.

When Léo finally reached the beach, he noticed he wasn’t alone. Sam was sitting on a beach towel and watching Vincent build a giant sand castle. Vincent was consumed in his project, and Sam had a fond look on his face. Léo approached, and Sam looked up.

“Hey Léo! Nice day, isn’t it?” Sam said, and patted a spot on the towel. There was room for two, so Léo sat down.

“Yeah, it really is,” Léo said, and watched Vincent pick up a stick and some seaweed, making a flag for the top of the castle.

“I’m just keeping an eye on my little brother,” Sam said. “It’s good for him to get some fresh air on a day like this.”

“Oh for sure,” Léo said. “It’s getting warmer too, so the beach is the perfect spot to head to.” They watched the waves in silence, and Léo noticed Sam scoot a little closer. Léo moved his hand closer to

Sam’s and leaned in his direction. Sam smiled softly.

“Our dad used to take us to the beach on sunny days like this,” Sam said, looking off into the distance. There was a smile on his face, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“That must’ve been amazing. What is he like?” Léo asked. Before Sam could respond, the sound of someone running on the sand make the two men look up. Vincent was standing there, a nervous look on his face. He looked up at his brother and took a deep breath.

“Sam…? Is dad ever going to come home?”

Sam’s eyebrows flew up into his hair, and Léo felt his throat begin to close up.

“Mami?” Léo asked, pacing around his dorm room, phone to his ear. “When is José coming back again?”

“I don’t know,” his mother said with a sigh. “He hasn’t written in a while.”

Léo tried to shake himself out of his memories, and watched as Sam got down on one knee, placing his hands on Vincent’s shoulders.

“Of course Vince,” Sam said, clearly trying to keep his voice steady. “Dad’s going to come back as soon as he possibly can.”

“But I heard some grow ups saying that…” Vincent choked back a sob, tears rolling down his cheeks as he continued, “That all our troops are getting shot to pieces.”

“They identified the body as his,” Léo’s father said, arms wrapped around his sobbing son. “It was…difficult, but he’s…he’s…”

Léo clutched the beach towel tightly and tried to focus on his breathing. He was here to relax, not to have a panic attack. Who the hell was saying this stuff around an 8 year old? A child whose father was in the war? If Léo ever found out, those people would get their noses bloodied. Sam visibly tensed, eyes going wide. 

“Don’t believe everything you hear!” Sam said quickly. Vincent didn’t look convinced, and Sam arranged his face into something more neutral.

“Don’t you remember how strong Dad is? He’d never let a pathetic Gotoro grunt get him like that! Don’t you worry!”

“…stepped on a landmine…blown to pieces. If it wasn’t for his dog tags and a blood test, the body wouldn’t have been identified…”

“And always remember that Mom and I are here to play with you if you ever feel lonely.” Sam enveloped his brother into a hug, and Vincent smiled at him.

“Okay!” he said, his mood significantly improved. He ran back to his sandcastle, and Sam stared at him, his face crumpling.

“To be honest, I have no idea if my old man will come back…we’ve all read the reports. Our soldiers are falling by the thousands.”

“Right,” Léo said, trying to steady himself. If he focused on Sam, focused on having a normal conversation, maybe he could shake himself out of this.

“But what am I going to say to Vincent?” Sam asked, running a hand through his hair.

“You did the right thing,” Léo said, looking at Vincent. He seemed happy, putting the little flag he made on top of the castle. “Kids should have hope.”

“Yeah,” Sam said, breathing out heavily. “Kids should play and have fun while they still can.” He turned and looked at Léo. He frowned, looking down at how tightly Léo was gripping the towel.

“Hey, did I tell you the band’s starting to come together?” Sam said, clearly trying to steer the conversation away from the war. Léo smiled gratefully at him.

“Oh yeah?” Léo said. 

“Yeah!” Sam said happily. “It turns out Abigail’s a pretty good drummer. And Sebastian seemed to really want her in the band…if it wasn’t for his totally obvious crush on Elfie, I bet they’d get together.”

“Y-yeah,” Léo said, trying to be a good participant in the conversation. Clearly it wasn’t working.

“You okay?” Sam asked. Léo felt all his feelings well up, and before he could stop himself, tears were streaming down his cheeks. Embarrassed, he pulled his knees up and hid his face. 

“Léo?” Sam said in an alarmed voice. Léo let out a sob as a response.

“Hey, whoa whoa whoa,” Sam said softly. “Come here,”

Léo peeked at Sam, and noticed how concerned his friend was. He sat up, and suddenly felt Sam’s arms around him. He wrapped his arms around Sam and held onto him for dear life. His friend gently rubbed his back, whispering “it’s okay,” into his ear over and over again.

“It’s going to be okay Buttercup, I promise,” Sam said gently, and softly kissed the side of Léo’s head. Surprised, Léo looked up at Sam, who looked shocked at his own actions.

“I guess…I guess I should explain,” Léo said.

“You don’t have to,” Sam said, and took Léo’s face in his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

Léo was speechless, and knew his face was flaming. He cleared his throat, and Sam’s hands dropped away. Léo suddenly felt the loss of Sam’s warm hands, and found himself missing their touch.

“I want to,” Léo said, and Sam nodded. Closing his eyes, Léo took a deep breath. “It’s my birthday today,” he said. “And also my twin brother’s birthday. He’s…not with us anymore. Today is…it sucks.” Sam seemed to understand that Léo had more to say, and waited patiently. “He was drafted at 18, but never had to actually go into Gotoro territory. He would come back at least once a year. But our soldiers keep falling, and soon they had to take people directly to the fight who weren’t front line soldiers. My brother was chosen and…he stepped on a land mine.”

Léo heard Sam suck in a breath. He sighed. “There was barely enough of him to identify him, he was…he was blown to pieces. They found his dog tags and took a blood sample from…from what they found, and ID’d him that way.”

“Léo that’s…that’s awful,” Sam said, and put his hand on top of Léo’s in a comforting gesture. 

“Yep,” Léo said. “It was 8 years ago, almost 9, but still. I’m not even close to being over it. I haven’t been able to celebrate my birthday without feeling guilty. Guilty that I get to celebrate being another year older while he…he’ll never get past 20. You know…he used to date Elfie.”

“Really?” Sam asked, shocked.

“Yeah, and I was so pissed at first. My brother was hot. We were fraternal twins and he got the best genes. People would pretend to be my friend just to get a shot at flirting with him.”

“That’s shitty,” Sam said.

“Yeah it was. Turned out Elfie wasn’t even interested in him at first. José made the first move,” Léo said with a small smile. “They were still in high school when they got together. Today is hard for her too. She hasn’t dated since then, which is why I’m happy that…well you know.”

“That she might be into Seb?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” Léo said. “I’m glad to see her learning to love again.”

“Well,” Sam said after a moment, “I think you need a distraction today,”

“You think?” Léo said with a chuckle.

“I have the perfect one too!” Sam said happily. “Have you ever played Solarian Chronicles?”

“Yeah, but it was a long time ago,” Léo said. “I remember my character though.”

“Ooo!” Sam said excitedly. “Tell me about them!”

“Well,” Léo said “He’s a Lizardfolk Wizard named--”

“You’re a lizard wizard!” Sam burst out excitedly. Léo rolled his eyes, but Sam looked adorable in his pure joy at this new information.

“I guess,” Léo said. “Anyway, his name is Caesin and he’s pretty awesome.”

“I bet!” Sam said. “Mine is a Tabaxi named Mimi. Well, Nekomimi Mimi is her full name,” Sam amended. Léo choked on air.

“Why is that her name?” he asked.

“Abigail was trying to tease me by calling me “Nekomimi” so I wore it as a badge of honor and named my lovely cat girl Nekomimi Mimi. She’s a Rouge.”

“Nice,” Léo said. 

“Well, Abby, Seb, and I are going to have a Solarian Chronicles night! We were going to start a new campaign, you could definitely jump in.”

“I…” Léo wasn’t sure, but the hopeful look in Sam’s eyes made up Léo’s mind for him. “Yeah, that sounds great!”

“We’re starting at 5 at my place,” Sam said. “You better be there!”

“I will!” Léo said, and the two grinned at each other. After a bit, Léo bid Sam and Vincent farewell, and went home to change. After a long consultation with Gordito, Léo went with the Solarian Chronicles t-shirt he forgot he had. It was black with a cat playing with a D20 that said “Dungeon Meowster” on it.

Léo’s parents called to sing him happy birthday over the phone, and a few people sent him birthday wishes. The day had started off terribly, but all Léo had to do was remember how sweet Sam had been on the beach, and his mood brightened. 

Finally the time came to head over to Sam’s. He hoped that Abigail and Sebastian wouldn’t mind that he was coming over. Léo was sure they’d be fine with it, but he couldn’t help but worry that this was a special thing the three of them did together.

All his doubts flew away when he entered Sam’s room and was immediately tackled by Abigail.

“Léo!” she said happily.

“Abby quit it,” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “You’re gonna scare him off if you grab him like that.”

“Nah, you weirdos have me hooked,” Léo said, and the three of them laughed. He couldn’t help but notice that Sam wasn’t there. 

“Where’s Sam?” Léo finally asked.

“In the kitchen,” Abigail said. “He’s grabbing snacks. Can you go check on him?”

“Yeah he’s been gone forever,” Sebastian said with a sigh.

“Seb gets cranky if he doesn’t have his daily meal of cheeto puffs and JoJa Cola,” Abigail said, causing Sebastian to scoff, but Léo knew he wasn’t really mad.

“I’ll go check on our favorite 80’s mullet,” Léo said, and walked towards the kitchen. He was plenty used to coming in and going straight to Sam’s room without greeting anyone else, but it always felt strange to do so. Jodi and Vincent hadn’t been in the living room when Léo arrived, and he had decided against poking around looking for them. But the house felt oddly quiet as he made his way through it, and he wondered where they were. He rounded the corner and jumped in surprise as he entered the kitchen.

“Happy Birthday!”

Léo stared at the bundt cake in front of him, with a candle shaped like a 2 and a candle shaped like a 9 stuck in it. Sam was holding the cake and Jodi and Vincent stood on either side of him, beaming at Léo.

“Sam!” Léo said, feeling slightly choked up. “You guys made me a cake?”

“Sam did,” Jodi said quickly. “All by himself! He found a recipe for Colombian black cake and insisted on making it for you.”

“I put the candles in!” Vincent piped up and Léo smiled at him.

“The most important part,” he said, and Vincent giggled. “Sam I…wow. Thank you. This means so much,”

“You deserve a good birthday,” Sam said firmly. “No matter what you might think…you should have a day to celebrate all the great reasons for being alive. And…and you shouldn’t feel--”

Léo swooped forward and kissed his cheek before his friend could continue, and Sam almost dropped the cake.

“Thank you,” Léo said, and Jodi had a wide smile on her face as she lit the two candles.

“I’ll get Abby and ‘Bastian!” Vincent said happily, and rushed off.

Soon Abigail and Sebastian arrived, and everyone was singing to Léo. His heart felt full for the first time in years. The people he loved most in this town had banded together to make sure that he had a great birthday. They were all here, celebrating him.

“Alright, make a wish and blow out your candles!”

I wish for more birthdays with Sam

Léo blew his candles out, slightly surprised by the wording that popped into his head for his wish. He had meant that he wanted another birthday like this one, but maybe that could only be true with Sam. Well, he certainly wouldn’t complain if Sam showed up to his future birthday parties.

Everyone tried the cake, but Vincent was unsure.

“Prunes?” Vincent said cautiously, and poked his slice gingerly with his fork.

“Try it, you’ll like it,” Léo said and nodded encouragingly. It wasn’t the most kid friendly cake in the entire world, but he was sure Vincent would like it at least a little bit. The small boy took a tentative bite, and made a funny face.

“That’s not chocolate,” he said.

“That’s ‘cause it’s not a chocolate cake,” Sam said.

“But it looks like one!” Vincent said, taking a full bite.

“That’ll be the burnt sugar,” Léo said. “But sometimes people cheat and put chocolate in to make it darker. Oh! You guys should let the cake sit out for at least 3 days,” he said. Everyone stared at him, and Léo blushed.

“My mom always wrapped in in plastic wrap and tin foil for 3 days, sometimes 5, before we served it. It lets the flavors really bloom.”

“Ah. Yeah I took a few short cuts,” Sam admitted. “I hope it’s still good though!”

“It’s wonderful,” Léo said.

Once everyone was done with their cake, the four young adults parted from the group and headed to play Solarian Chronicles.

“I got a new shirt!” Sam said happily as Léo closed the door. “Check it out!”

He was holding out a cream colored shirt with colorful dice on it. Above the dice was written “I love SC” And underneath was “Selling Crack”

“Nice,” Abigail said giving him the thumbs up. Léo snorted, and Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

“Where are you going to wear that?” he asked. “Your mom would kill you if she saw you wearing it.”

“In here!” Sam said, pulling his shirt off and tossing it, smacking Léo in the face.

“Hey!” Léo said, taking the shirt off his face. 

“Whoops,” Sam said apologetically. He was wearing the shirt, and looked very proud of it. Sam truly was the most ridiculous person Léo had ever met.

“Alright, let’s get to it,” Sebastian said, clapping his hands together. “Sam says you’ve played it before?”

“A while ago,” Léo said as Abigail set out a map on the floor, and retrieved some dice and figurines.

“Well I can refresh your memory,” Sebastian said, and for the first time ever, he actually sounded a bit giddy. Clearly this was something he truly enjoyed. 

“Basically, these cards here are all the campaigns we can run,” Sebastian said, holding up a small box. He opened it up and took out a few cards along with some small booklets. “These books go each with card. There’s a structured story, but it’s choose your own adventure style. The booklet will tell you what happens if you roll high or low, and sometimes you get lines of dialog. Usually we make that up ourselves,” Sebastian said with a grin. “Instead of just saying stuff like ‘you rolled a 1, you don’t get to pass’ we’ll have the troll say something. Whoever is DMing gets to choose the script.”

“And I’m DM tonight!” Abigail cheered. 

“This should be a blast!” Léo said happily. He introduced everyone to his Lizardfolk character, and everyone introduced him to theirs. Sam was a Tabaxi named Mimi, Abigial was a Gnome named Breena, and Sebastian was a Tiefling named Iados. After arranging all of their figurines on the map, a card was drawn and they began.

The game was a lot more fun than Léo remembered, and enjoyed himself immensely. Sam was absolutely ridiculous the whole time, flirting his way through every encounter. Abigail had to stifle giggles, and Sebastian would grumble, trying to keep them all on track. Sam also liked to greet all the Tabaxi NPCs, insisting they were his family and that it was very important that he speak to them all.

“Okay let’s see…” Abigail said, turning the page. “We’re at the docks where there are a lot of Lizardfolk workers, and we need to convince someone to sneak us aboard the ship going to Selduria. Who do we question first?”

“Well who’s around?” Sebastian asked.

“Looks like there are a few guards, two female dock workers, and a male dock worker, all Lizardfolk. There is also a Tabaxi standing in the shadows with a cloak on.”

“It’s my dad!” Sam said. “We need to go talk to him.”

“The Tabaxi isn’t your dad,” Sebastian said with a sigh. “And I disagree. Caesin should talk to the Lizardfolk. They’ll probably like him more. Abby, does it say anything about them preferring to talk to Lizardfolk?”

“Yeah,” Abigail said. “There’s a charisma boost.”

“Okay, so let’s talk to them.”

“But I want to talk to my dad,” Sam whined. “Or maybe he’s not my dad. I’ll strut my stuff over there and flirt with him. Then he’ll tell us what we need to do.”

“Sam…” Sebastian said, sounding exhausted. “That’s so dumb.”

“Why don’t you flip a coin?” Léo suggested. “We’ll go with the choice of whoever wins.”

After a few seconds of searching, Abigail found a quarter.

“Call it,” she said

“Heads!” Sam shouted.

Abigail flipped the coin. There was a tense moment before Sebastian groaned and Sam cheered.

“Time to turn on the charm,” Sam said. “Okay, I approach the Tabaxi, a sultry look in my eye. I say ‘Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?’”

“Roll for charisma,” Abigail said.

“Oh fuck,” Sam said, and Sebastian laughed.

“You got a 1?” Abigail said. She quickly looked at the book. “The Tabaxi says ‘It’s a knife, and I’m willing to kill you with it if you don’t leave me alone.’ Do you keep talking or try someone else?”

“Try someone else,” Sam said moodily, and they went back to the dockworkers. Sebastian began to question the workers, and Léo found himself looking at Sam’s guitars. He sighed, and didn’t realize how loud of a noise he had made until Abigail asked if he was okay.

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I just wish I had brought my guitar from home. I couldn’t bring a whole lot on the bus with me here so I left my guitars with Elfie.”

“You can play one of mine anytime you want,” Sam said.

“How about now?” Sebastian asked. Everyone turned and looked at him. “What?” he said. “The game can wait.”

“Did you just say that the game can wait?” Sam asked, sounding shocked. “You must really want to hear him play.”

“I guess I could,” Léo said. “But these are all electric, they’ll be super loud for how late it is…hm. Wait!” he said suddenly. “What if we turn on some music and I sing for you? I promised Sam I would.”

“Good idea,” Abigail said. “Can I pick?”

“Don’t let her,” Sebastian said. “The last time I let her pick I was stuck singing that Avril Lavigne song, Girlfriend.”

Léo cackled and he and Abigail high fived. “That’s amazing.”

“It wasn’t,” Sebastian said.

“You did really well! It only got weird when your mom and Demetrius came into the Saloon when you were singing about how you can ‘do it better,’”

“Yeah and that sucked!” Sebastian said, annoyed.

“Do you like the musical Rent?” Abigail suddenly asked, pulling Sam’s laptop in front of her. “Sam, put in your password.”

“Are you even gay if you don’t know every word to Seasons of Love?” Léo said as Sam typed away.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Abigail said. “You should sing Out Tonight.”

“Oh shit yeah! That’s a good one!”

They quickly found a karoke version of the song, and Léo prepared himself. He grinned when he heard the opening guitar and began. His friends seemed surprised that he was able to hit every single note, and Léo felt a surge of pride.

“Let's go out tonight! I have to go out tonight! You wanna play? Let's run away, we won't be back before it's New Year’s day! Take me out tonight…” Léo looked directly at Sam before saying, in a very breathy tone “Meow,”

Sam turned pink as Léo continued the song. The ending lines were sung in a sensual voice, and he noticed Sam looking at the floor as though it was the most interesting thing in the entire world.

When he finally finished, everyone clapped and cheered.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that!” Abigail said. “Wow, you really could be in a Broadway play! Or a band! Oh my God you could be our vocalist!”

“Hey, that’s my job!” Sam said. “You can’t take that from me.”

“You can still be lead guitar,” Sebastian said, and Sam groaned.

“Not you too!”

“How about I join you guys for practice sometimes, but I’m not the official singer. And when you guys land some gigs, I’ll cheer you on.” Léo said. “Everyone wins, yeah?”

“That works,” Sam said. “Practice will be fun with you singing with us.”

“Thought you didn’t want him to be the singer,” Sebastian teased.

“He can sing with us! I just don’t want to be replaced!” Sam said, giving his signature pout.

“Nobody could ever replace your annoying ass,” Sebastian said, smacking Sam on the back. “You’re a rare kind of stupid that we’d never be able to find.”

“Yeah, you’re like a puppy,” Léo said, ruffling Sam’s hair. “A little golden retriever. You’ve got brains, but you’re still silly.”

“And cute?” Sam said. Léo knew he was joking, but decided to play along anyway.

“Very cute,” Léo said. “Maybe I should start teaching you tricks.”

“Ugh, make out already!” Abigail said, exasperated, and Léo burst out into laughter. Sam’s face was on fire, and Sebastian was wearing a rare grin.

“You guys as a couple would be--”

“Speaking of couples!” Sam interrupted, “Seb, you should ask Elfie to the Flower Dance!”

“Wait, what?” Sebastian asked, face paling. “It’s on a Wednesday, she’s probably busy. So uh, no I won’t.”

“You’ll never know unless you try,” Léo pointed out. “I’m sure she’d say yes. She really liked hanging out with you before. And I know you guys talk.”

“We don’t talk that much,” Sebastian grumbled.

“Oh yeah? Well Elfie told me you guys talked on the phone yesterday.” Sebastian froze, and Abigail and Sam let out matching ‘ooo’ sounds.

“She told you that?” Sebastian said. “What else did she say?”

“Nothing? Should she have?” Léo asked curiously. 

“Were you getting freaky on the phone?” Abigail teased, and Sebastian grabbed his figurine and chucked it at her.

“No,” he said, glaring. “I just wanted to know what she said, that’s all.”

“All good things,” Léo promised. “But I agree with Sam, you should ask her! She owns the damn shop, so I think she can leave the store to one of her employees for a day,” he said. “It’d be great to show her around a little more. Think about it, okay?”

“Yeah whatever,” Sebastian said. “I’ll think about it.”

It was a little past 1 when Léo realized he needed to get home.

“I’ll see you later!” he said, waving at Sam as he left. 

“See you later Buttercup!”

“See you later cachorrito!” Léo said. Sam blinked.

“What?”

“It means puppy,” Léo said with a wink. “Have a good night.”

“Yeah…you too,” Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck, a faraway look in his eyes.

[jawsofhakkontranscript]

Where Once We Walked

Side quest: Where Once We Walked

Characters involved: Ameridan (memory)

Inquisitor Ameridan has granted the current Inquisition access to his final memories. Retracing his steps will offer insight into the former Inquisitor's life.

(The dialogue from this quest has been transcribed by u/whiptrip on Dragon Age subreddit, so credit goes to them.)

[1] Memory at the beach.

Ameridan: I dislike being so far from home. Halamshiral needs me. The darkspawn have grown stronger. Some of my brothers would let those creatures destroy Orlais. They think Drakon no better than the Imperium. But if we do not stand with the humans against the darkspawn, we might lose everything we have gained. I will fight this Avvar-dragon for you, Drakon... and then we shall drive back the darkspawn together.

First additional comment:

Cassandra: But he died here... and the elves ignored the Second Blight as it spread across Orlais. So began the animosity that led to the destruction of the Dales.

Dorian: If the elves had helped Orlais during the Second Blight, Orlais might not have turned on them later.

Vivienne: If the elves had not ignored the Second Blight, relations with Orlais might never have soured. Orlais and the Dales might never have gone to war.

Solas: But he never returned... and the elves of the Dales ignored the Second Blight. Less than one hundred years later, that hostility turned to war and the elves lost their homeland again.

Second additional comment:

Blackwall: The Jaws of Hakkon failed to destroy the lowlands, but their dragon did lead to the end of the elves.

Iron Bull: So the ancient Hakkonite asshole didn't destroy the lowlands like they wanted, but they did get the elves.

Varric: (Grunts.) Looks like the Jaws of Hakkon indirectly destroyed the Dales.

Sera: Pride-cookies. Frigging again.

[2] Memory at the Tevinter cavern.

Ameridan: If I must go to the end of Thedas itself for Drakon, I am at least glad to have friends at my side. Telana and Haron have been arguing about Haron using the lyrium to fight demons. Some things never change. Orinna has a new alchemical trick she wants to try. Like pitch or tar, but stronger. A recipe straight from Orzammar. They argue, fuss, and mock each other mercilessly... and I would be lost without them.

Additional comments:

Solas: The more things change...

Cassandra: A dwarf getting on someone's nerves... I can't imagine.

Dorian: Yes, what's that like?

Varric: This Orinna sounds like good people.

Sera: Different and spitting, but still trying. Learn those lessons, now-people.

Vivienne: Every age has those destined for greatness, it seems.

Iron Bull: Sounds like the old Inquisitor could've used someone bigger up front.

Blackwall: Let us hope we fare better than they did.

Cole: They were happy. Then dead, but this is still here.

Memory at the Tevinter ruin.

Ameridan: We have a plan. Haron and Orinna will lead the Avvar elsewhere, so Telana and I can deal with the dragon. My spirit companion believes we can seal the dragon away, even if we cannot kill it. It is less clear whether I can do so without sealing myself in as well... but I have little choice. This beast will wreak devastation across Orlais unless we stop it now.

First additional comment:

Cassandra: No one ever knew. Their heroism was lost to history.

Dorian: He saved all of Orlais from the Avvar, and no one ever knew.

Vivienne: What extraordinary courage. A pity history forgot them.

Varric: It's a damn fine story. Shame nobody found it 'til now.

Second additional comment:

Solas: He did not do it for recognition. He did it because it was necessary.

Blackwall: Heroism shouldn't be about fame. It's about doing what's needed, no matter the cost.

Cole: It doesn't matter that no one remembers. What matters is that they helped.

Sera: People-people don't do things so you know them. Good on him.

[3] Memory at the shrine.

Ameridan: I prepare now for my final battle against this dragon of the Avvar. All is in place. I offer thanks to Ghilan'nain, Halla-Mother, and to Andraste, Maker-Bride. As you were raised up from mortal men to stand with our Creators, our Makers, so raise me up now to defend this world.

First additional comment:

Sera: Ohhhh, he's one of those. Elfy-elves don't like that these days. Or anything.

Cassandra: Inquisitor Ameridan, who helped bring the Inquisition into the Chantry, built a shrine for the Maker and the elven gods.

Vivienne: He prayed to both Andraste and the elven gods? What a quaint idea.

Blackwall: The Inquisitor honored both the Maker and the elven gods.

Iron Bull: He made a shrine for the human gods and the elven ones. You don't see that much these days.

Second additional comment:

Cole: "They're not so different, Drakon. Just another pair of boots to walk the same road." He doesn't see, wants it simple, but I can help him get there. There's room for both.

Varric: Belief is a funny thing. An elven Inquisitor must have had a careful path to walk. (If the Inquisitor is an elf) Still does, I suppose.

Dorian: You had something similar in ancient Tevinter. People kept the holidays but renamed them for the Maker. So instead of celebrating Andoralis at the start of summer, you have Summerday, and it's about the Maker.

Solas: It's a rare mind that has room to honor both beliefs equally.

[4] Memory on the Lady’s Rest island.

Ameridan: Telana, my love. I should not have asked you to come with me, though I know you would not have stayed behind. You are a Dreamer, and this dragon the Avvar have tamed carries a demon inside it. I can see how its presence hurts you. You should be at Halamshiral, reminding our people of our alliance with Drakon. Not here, risking death again with me. Still, in the old tongue, your name, Telanadas, means "nothing is inevitable." I will remember your name and hope.

First additional comment:

Solas: Ameridan was correct. The presence of such a powerful spirit would have caused a Dreamer like Telana immeasurable pain.

Dorian: A Dreamer like Telana would have been sensitive to demons. This spirit of Hakkon would have caused her a great deal of pain.

Vivienne: Dreamers are said to be sensitive to the presence of demons. I imagine this Hakkon demon caused Telana significant pain.

Cassandra: Dreamers are said to be sensitive to demons. A creature like Hakkon would have caused Telana terrible pain.

Second additional comment:

Iron Bull: More pain than watching her husband and all her fighting buddies get killed?

Varric: No more pain than watching everyone she loves die, I imagine.

Cole: Too bright, blinding, breaking, broken. "Get to safety. I will seal us both away. It's not forever. Come back with aid." But her leg was broken. She could only lie down and try to see him one last time.

Sera: It hurt the Inquisitor too. You can tell because he took so long to say "she died."

[pikapeppa]

Fenris/f!Hawke and the Inquisition: Nothing Is Inevitable

Chapter 54 of Lovers In A Dangerous Time (i.e. Fenris the Inquisitor) is up on AO3!

In which Fenris and the crew wind down after killing the Avvar dragon by listening to Ameridan’s memories which are super lighthearted and not at all heartbreaking, and Fenris and Rynne have a Talk™. 

Only an excerpt is here; read the whole thing here on AO3 (~9200 words).

*******************

Ameridan’s memories floated out of the flask and separated into five globes of light. Fenris glanced nervously at Hawke. “Shall I just, er…” He gestured vaguely at the memories.

She shrugged. “It worked for your memories in the Fade. Hopefully it’ll work with these.”

He nodded, then reached at random for one of the memories. The memory flared briefly, and Ameridan’s mellow voice echoed through the air. 

“I dislike being so far from home,” the voice said. “Halamshiral needs me. The darkspawn have grown stronger. Some of my brothers would let those creatures destroy Orlais; they think Drakon no better than the Imperium. But if we do not stand with the humans against the darkspawn, we might lose everything we have gained. I will fight this Avvar-dragon for you, Drakon… and then we shall drive back the darkspawn together.”

Varric sighed. “Shit. This, uh, explains a lot.”

Dorian grimaced. “Yes, quite. If the elves had helped Orlais during the Second Blight, Orlais might not have turned on them later.”

“Hang on,” Hawke protested. “It’s not the elves’ fault that Orlais burst in and stole their land from them.”

“I’m not saying it’s their fault,” Dorian said in surprise. “I’m simply making an if-then statement.”

“But…” Hawke stopped, then sighed. “No no, I see what you’re saying. Ugh, what an utter shitshow.”

“Agreed,” Fenris said quietly. If Ameridan had succeeded at killing the Avvar dragon and gone back to the Dales, and if the Dalish elves of old had joined Orlais in battling the darkspawn, then maybe the Exalted March on the Dales would never have happened. 

Imagine if that were the case, Fenris thought. Imagine what Thedas would be like now if the Dales still belonged to the elves. An independent nation of elves, allied with Orlais, who were in charge of their own destinies… 

Or maybe it wouldn’t be like that at all. Maybe after Ameridan and Drakon died, some other excuse would have arisen for an Exalted March, and the Dales would have been taken from the elves anyway.

Blackwall broke through his melancholy musings. “The Jaws of Hakkon failed to destroy the lowlands, but their dragon did lead to the end of the elves.”

“Yeah,” Varric said softly. “That’s probably the fairest way to put it.”

Hawke smiled at him. “That’s how you should put it in your book.”

Varric smiled faintly back at her. She squeezed Fenris’s hand and tilted her head at the memories. “On to the next?”

He nodded, then reached for the next memory. This time, Ameridan’s voice was wry with humour. “If I must go to the end of Thedas itself for Drakon, I am at least glad to have friends at my side. Telana and Haron have been arguing about Haron using the lyrium to fight demons. Some things never change.” Ameridan chuckled softly before going on. “Orinna has a new alchemical trick she wants to try, like pitch or tar but stronger: a recipe straight from Orzammar. They argue, fuss, and mock each other mercilessly… and I would be lost without them.”

The voice trailed away, and they were all silent for a moment. Dorian cleared his throat. “I wonder what that’s like?”

Blackwall harrumphed, and Bull pulled Dorian against his side while Sera scoffed. “What d’you mean by that crack?” she demanded. 

“I jest, of course,” Dorian said hastily. “I’m moderately fond of you all, despite your lack of proper hygiene.”

Varric smirked and shook his head, and Hawke flicked the cap of a flask at Dorian’s head. Then Cole spoke up. “They were happy, then dead. But this is still here.”

They all fell quiet again. Hawke looped her arm around Cole’s shoulders and hugged Fenris’s arm. “Well, we’re not dead,” she announced. “Nobody’s dying anytime soon, so we’re all going to keep having a good time, right?” 

Her voice was bright and cheerful, and her grip on Fenris’s arm was hard. He squeezed her hand as Blackwall replied. “That’s right,” he said gruffly. “Let us hope we fare better than they did.”

“We will,” Hawke said firmly. “We already have. Go on, Fenris, let’s hear the next one.”

He reached for the third memory, and once again, Ameridan spoke to them through the glowing globe of light. “I prepare now for my final battle against this dragon of the Avvar. I offer thanks to Ghilan’nain, halla-mother, and to Andraste, Maker-bride. As you were raised up from mortal men to stand with our creators, our makers, so raise me up now to defend this world.”

Fenris’s eyes widened. “Ameridan worshipped the elven gods and the Maker,” he said. He looked at Hawke. “I had wondered about this – why he said he would see Telana at the Maker’s side. He was Andrastian, at least in part.”

She made a little face. “That would have been a pain, though, don’t you think? Trying to reconcile two sets of wildly different religions? Why bother?”

“Belief is a funny thing,” Varric said philosophically. “Besides, an elven Inquisitor must have had a careful path to walk.” He glanced at Fenris ruefully. “Still does, I guess.”

“There is that,” Fenris agreed. He himself had never publicly revealed his religious uncertainty for concern that it would obstruct the Inquisition’s goals. 

Cole spoke again, this time through Ameridan’s voice. “‘They’re not so different, Drakon. Just another pair of boots to walk the same road.’ He doesn’t see, wants it simple, but I can help him get there. There’s room for both.”

“Oh,” Hawke said softly. “That’s… kind of nice, actually. Making room for both…” She looked around at their companions. “Ameridan was a pretty inclusive sort of fellow, wasn’t he?”

“Sounds like,” Sera agreed. “Elfy-elves aren’t like that these days.” 

Fenris twisted his lips ruefully. “They aren’t, no. If Ameridan had survived, lived to maintain the alliance with Orlais…” He trailed off before he could continue the thought. The path of what-ifs regarding Ameridan’s survival could only lead them to a very depressing place. 

Hawke sighed quietly and leaned her head on his shoulder, and he looked down at her. “Are you all right?” he murmured. 

“Of course,” she said. “Just tired, that’s all. Should we hear the next one?”

He nodded and activated the fourth memory.

“We have a plan,” Ameridan said. “Haron and Orinna will lead the Avvar elsewhere, so Telana and I can deal with the dragon. Telana believes we can seal the dragon away, even if we cannot kill it.” He sighed, and even through the echo of memory, Fenris could hear the bone-deep weariness in his voice. “It is less clear whether I can do so without sealing myself in as well, but I have little choice. This beast will wreak devastation across Orlais unless we can stop it now.”

Dorian shook his head sadly. “This still boggles my mind,” he said. “Ameridan saved all of Orlais from the Avvar, and no one ever knew.”

Sera wrinkled her nose. “People-people don’t do things so you know them. Good on ‘im.”

“She’s right,” Blackwall said. “Heroism shouldn’t be about fame. It’s about doing what’s needed, no matter the cost.”

At Blackwall’s words, Fenris’s stomach twisted guiltily. Blackwall had a point; some tasks needed to be done, no matter the cost. Killing Corypheus had been one of them, and killing this possessed dragon had been another. It was selfish of Fenris to wish that those necessary tasks weren’t his responsibility. They needed to be done by someone, and that bottom line should trump everything else. 

But why does that someone always have to be me? he thought resentfully. As Ameridan had said before, demons and dragons were one thing; politics and posturing was something else altogether. Every political problem, every feud, every territorial dispute: was it truly necessary for Fenris to be consulted for everything? 

Dorian, meanwhile, raised his eyebrows at Blackwall and Sera. “I didn’t mean– of course Ameridan didn’t do it for the heroism. It’s just… a shame, that’s all.” He eyed them incredulously. “Come now, you two can’t really not care if you’re forgotten from history. Don’t you want to feel that you, you know, participated in everything that’s happened here?”

Cole answered for them. “It doesn’t matter that no one remembers,” he said. “What matters is that they helped.”

Hawke wilted. “But if that’s all that matters, then why are we here listening to these memories?” she said plaintively. “Why are we getting all mopey over a bunch of people that we never met if their stories don’t matter?”

Fenris glanced worriedly at her, and she laughed lightly. “Not me, of course. I’m not moping. But I can see that tear in your eye, Bull.”

Bull chuckled. “Whatever you say, little Hawke.”

She grinned at him, but her smile faded quickly. “Seriously though,” she said. “This isn’t – nothing we do is for the recognition. That doesn’t mean you want to just be forgotten. Even you two,” she said to Blackwall and Sera. “Whether you care or not, you’re not getting forgotten in any of this.”

Sera wrinkled her nose and shrugged. Then Varric shrugged as well. “It is a damn fine story,” he said. “Shame nobody found it until now.”

“It is a shame,” Fenris agreed. He reached for the fifth and final memory. 

Ameridan’s voice echoed through the frosty air. “Telana, my love,” he said softly.

Hawke’s fingers tensed against Fenris’s arm as Ameridan went on. “I should not have asked you to come with me, though I know you would not have stayed behind. You are a Dreamer, and this dragon the Avvar have tamed carries a demon inside it. I can see how its presence hurts you. You should be at Halamshiral reminding our people of our alliance with Drakon. Not here, risking death again with me.” He sighed. “Still, in the old tongue, your name ‘Telanadas’ means ‘nothing is inevitable’. I will remember your name and hope.” 

For the final time, Ameridan’s voice faded away. For a long, frozen moment, they all sat in a subdued silence, and Fenris could hear Hawke breathing shallowly beside him. 

Nothing is inevitable. The meaning of Telana’s name hung in the air like a chilling fog that sank straight down to his bones. Ameridan had thought of Telana’s name as a sign of hope, a sign that even terrible things could be stopped and avoided. But Fenris couldn’t ignore the ugly irony of what had ultimately befallen them.

The thing Ameridan had tried so hard to avoid – his wife’s death – was the very thing he had not been able to prevent. 

Cole broke the heavy silence. “Too bright, blinding, breaking, broken. ‘Get to safety. I will seal us both away. It’s not forever. Come back with aid.’ But her leg was broken. She could only lie down and try to see him one last time.”

Varric sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Aw, kid.”

Hawke suddenly hid her face against Fenris’s arm. He turned toward her and stroked the nape of her neck. “Hawke…”

She shook her head and pressed her face into his neck and shoulder, and Fenris could feel the dampness of her tears on his skin. 

He swallowed hard and clasped the back of her neck. Across from them, Sera sniffled wetly, and Blackwall put his arm around her. “Come now, girl,” he said kindly. “They’re together now, like Ameridan said.”

Sera scoffed and rubbed her nose. “Not crying about that, silly. Just something in my eye.” 

Hawke took a deep breath, then lifted her face from Fenris’s shoulder. “Me too,” she said thickly. “Allergies or something, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Sera said gruffly. 

Hawke smiled at her. “You know what’s good for allergies?”

Sera leapt to her feet. “Punch!” she exclaimed.

“You’ve got it,” Hawke said cheerfully. “Come on, back to Stone-Bear Hold so I can mix up some punch.” She braced her hand on Fenris’s knee and started pushing herself upright. 

He hastily took her hand and helped her to her feet. “Be careful, Hawke,” he warned. “Your mana…”

“I know, I know,” she said. “Taking it easy, no magic for the rest of the night.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “If you want to carry me back to Stone-Bear Hold, that might help me recover faster.” 

“I could, if you need me to,” he said.

She grinned wickedly, and Varric shook his head. “You should know better than to offer to carry her,” he said dryly.

 “Hush, Varric, you’ll ruin it,” Hawke scolded. She gave Fenris a winsome smile. “Oh please, most handsome elf in Thedas, will you carry me?”

Fenris huffed in amusement and pinched her waist. “Only if you need me to. It is not my job to transport you across Thedas. I’m not a nuggalope.”

“You’re right, you’re not,” she said promptly. “I’d much rather ride you than a nuggalope.”

Fenris scoffed and rubbed his mouth. Blackwall and Bull snorted, and Sera cackled loudly while Dorian rolled his eyes. 

Varric shot Fenris a knowing look. “You walked right into that one, you know.”

“I know,” he said ruefully. “I regretted it the moment I said it.” He placed a solicitous hand at the center of Hawke’s back. “Come on, back to the settlement.”

Read the rest on AO3.

[squirrelly831]

Making Breakfast in His Shirt [Hoseok and Namjoon]

The oc’s are the wives prior to getting married or engaged. You can read this as part of the daddy!au series or a stand alone~~. These are different from the original versions, but I like these better.

Enjoy~~

Hoseok

Elfie hit the alarm clock after the first loud ring then whipped back to see if Hoseok had woken up. Seeing he was still fast asleep, she let out a breath of relief. She tried getting out of bed to feel her legs wrapped up in blankets and Hoseok’s legs. She shifted around, sitting up with her hands pressed against the edge of the bed, and she untangled herself from the blankets and boyfriend. Her victory was short lived as she leaned back too far and fell off the bed with a thump. “Ah, shit” she hissed as she held her head in her hands feeling pain. Her puppy, Mitzy, sat up at the end of the bed, her head tilted to the side as she stared down at Elfie. “I feel like you’re judging me right now…” She whispered towards her dog as she stood up slowly. 

After taking a quick shower, Elfie threw on one of Hoseok’s shirts and one of her gym shorts before she made her way out the room with her cell phone in hand. She pulled out the ingredients she needed for the birthday seaweed soup recipe Hoseok’s mom texted her. She opted not to wear an apron as she whipped up a breakfast for Hoseok’s birthday. She intertwined her fingers together and stretched out popping a couple fingers then flashed a smile to Mitzy. “Alright! Let’s make some breakfast.” 

Mitzy let out a whimper, her ears drooped as she made a quick escape from the kitchen as if she knew what mayhem was about to hit. 

Elfie rolled her eyes, “Fine, you don’t get any leftovers.”

There was a loud shrill followed by a sound similar to roaring thunder. Hoseok shot up in bed in a hurry as the smell of burning overtook the bedroom. His eyes widened as he threw off the blankets, “Elfie!” He ran out of the bedroom, his feet pounded against the carpet hall missing the fleeing Mitzy who sped to the bedroom. “ELFIE!” His voice was high drenched in sheer panic as he entered a plume of smoke in the living room. 

There was a cough and the sharp shrill from the fire alarm in the kitchen. Elfie stumbled through the kitchen to each of the windows trying to air out the area. She mentally cursed as she choked on another harsh breath as she looked back in the kitchen towards the fire alarm. 

“ELFIE!” Her name sounded over the alarm and Elfie grabbed a chair, dragged it under the fire alarm, and unplugged it making the shrill cease. “Elfie?”

“I’m fine” she coughed as she waved the smoke from her face. The smoke was less dense than it was moments ago thanks to the windows making it easier to see in the kitchen. At the entrance stood a frantic Hoseok, chest rapidly rising and falling as he looked at the disaster in the kitchen. Elfie grimaced as she held up her hands and shook them in a waving motion, “Happy birthday…” She awkwardly sang. 

Hoseok’s eyes met hers before he made his way to her side, “Are you okay? What happened?” 

“I just kind of forgot the cake in the oven and it ended up burning… I tried to take it out, but I reached in with my bare han--” 

Hoseok took her wrists and noticed how red her hand was, “You should ice it.” He picked her up off the chair and took her to the counter. “Sit up there” he left no room for argument as he rushed to the freezer and grabbed ice then a towel from the drawer beside him. “You know you need to pay attention when you’re cooking” he hissed. “You’re such an airhead that you space out at the wrong times” he placed the ice in her hand then wrapped the towel around her hand. “Keep that there.” 

Elfie retreated into herself like a kicked dog. Her shoulders slumped as her head fell to her hand. Tears gathered in her eyes and she used his shirt she wore to wipe the tears away. She wanted to say something, but her voice wouldn’t come out as she continued to silently cry.

Hoseok continued to lecture her as he cleaned up the mess. A pile of pots from the cabinets above were on the ground, the culprits of the thunderous sound. He hadn’t realized he was lecturing her until he realized how quiet she was. Hoseok looked back to see huge tears descending down Elfie’s face. “Does it hurt? Should we go to the hospital?”

She shook her head as her tears only grew, “I was just trying to make you a surprise birthday breakfast” her voice was raw and cracking. “I can’t even do that right. I’m sorry.” 

Hoseok walked over to her and hugged her, “It’s okay. I know you can cook, Elfie… But, I wish you didn’t try to cook so much at once--you get so careless and end up hurting yourself.” He rubbed her back as he looked through the semi-clean kitchen. “Why don’t we clean up and we can make some breakfast together, okay?” His hand took her burned hand and he checked the burn, “But first let’s go get this checked out, yea?” Elfie gave a sad nod as Hoseok helped her off the counter and the two changed to go to the hospital.

Namjoon

The sun’s rays were the first to wake Sierra from her peaceful sleep. Her eyes screwed shut as she let out a displeased groan. She shifted in the bed, turning her back to the bright light as the arm resting over her naked body pulled her closer. The tip of Sierra’s nose touched the chest in front of her and a smile grew as she took in her boyfriend’s scent. Finally, giving up on sleep, Sierra’s eyes fluttered open, Namjoon’s chest rose and fell before her. She reached out and touched his chest. Her manicure nails rubbed against his naked upper body as she remembered the night before--their first night together. Sierra felt her face warm at the thought as her hand traced up to his face. Her smile only grew as she looked up at her boyfriend’s sleeping face. Shuffling in bed once more, Sierra reached up and pressed a quick kiss on Namjoon’s lips, “I love you” she whispered. 

Namjoon let out a mumble under his breath before he turned in his sleep releasing her from his grasp. Sierra took the opportunity to climb out of bed and grabbed the first shirt she found on the ground from the previous night. She felt like she was walking on air, she felt so light. She threw it on and got ready for the day after checking out Namjoon once again. After she brushed her teeth and fixed the lingering bedhead, Sierra grabbed her phone and headed to the kitchen to make some breakfast for the two of them. 

Namjoon woke to the smell of food. A deep groan escaped him as he reached over to the other side of the bed to feel nothing but the cold sheets. His eyes opened partially to see Sierra was not beside him in bed and he reached up to his hair as he stretched. He sat up letting the covers pool on his laps as he looked around the room for his girlfriend. He yawned loudly as he got out of bed and sought for a pair of sweatpants then went to find his girlfriend.

Namjoon saw Sierra in front of the oven, she hummed happily as she cooked. He couldn’t help the grin that grew on his face. He couldn’t believe his girlfriend had flown from New Zealand just to be with him for a month while he was on break from work. Last night was their first time alone together since they began dating eight months ago and it was perfect. Namjoon couldn’t help wanting more. It didn’t help when he noticed Sierra wore one of his shirts that barely covered her upper thighs. How could she look so perfect first thing in the morning? 

Sierra jumped when Namjoon wrapped his arms around her waist, “Heavens--don’t scare me like that.” 

“You weren’t in bed when I woke up” his voice still deep with sleep. Namjoon felt a shiver go down Sierra’s back. A smirk graced his lips as he leaned down to her neck. His lips teased her neck, grazed over her skin drawing out a sweet whimper from her. “How are you feeling?” his head moved up to her ear, “I wasn’t too rough last night, right?”

Sierra’s face felt like it was on fire. How could Namjoon, her sweet kind boyfriend, be so sensual first thing in the morning. “I--” Her eyes never left the omelet that was cooking before her. “I feel fine” she cleared her throat. 

One of Namjoon’s hands fell from her waist and touched her thigh leaving tingles in his wake. A hum left his lips as he watched her fidget under his grasp. Namjoon’s eyes grazed  her as he pulled her away from the pan. He turned off the burner and reached around her to move the pan. Sierra turned in his arms to see him curiosity written across her face. His eyes traveled down her body before his lips descended on hers. The heated kiss made her gasp allowing Namjoon to slip his tongue in her mouth. A moan melted in the kiss as Sierra grasped his biceps to hold herself up. 

Namjoon broke the kiss, “Could you handle another round?” 

Sierra shyly looked away as she caught her breath, “But breakfast--”

“Can wait” he whispered as a seductive smirk grew on his lips, “Or I could have you for breakfast?” His eyebrow rose and Sierra’s face heated up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, but kept her face hidden in his chest. Namjoon let out a deep chuckle, “How are you so shy still?” 

“Shut up…” Sierra wanted nothing more than to hide under a rock with how embarrassed she felt. Namjoon didn’t let her escape as his fingers pulled her chin up and his lips took hers once more. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him as he took them to the living room for another heated round.

Part I | Part III

Credit to gif owners

Written & revamped by Squirrelly831

♕ REQUEST

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[cruelangelstheses]

to be loved

fandom: dragon age rating: G characters: sera/female inquisitor words: 1.6k additional tags: canon compliant, self-esteem issues, fluff description: rana lavellan teaches her girlfriend sera how to make dalish hearth cakes. a/n: hello!! :D i wrote this for @serappreciationweek day 2: ships!!

read it on ao3

—

Sera furrows her brow as she reads over the recipe. Looking back up at her girlfriend, she says, “Elfy cookies?”

Rana shrugs. “They’re the only cookies I know how to make,” she says. “Although technically they’re called hearth cakes.”

Sera sticks her tongue out and passes the paper back to Rana. “Whatever. More than I can make.”

“Not for long!” Rana says, setting the recipe down on a crate. “Besides, think of it this way. At least you can admit that you don’t know how to make cookies. That already makes you better than some people.”

Sera pretends to be uninterested in Rana’s “elfy cookies,” but she can’t stop herself from glancing over at the table where the ingredients are already set up. “How’d you get halla butter?”

“Remember that Dalish clan we met in the Exalted Plains?” Rana says as she ties an apron around her waist. “I traded them for it.”

Sera doesn’t quite know what to do, so she just watches as Rana measures the flour. She’s beautiful when she’s so focused, completely ignoring the brown hair that falls into her eyes from its messy, boyish cut. Lifting the sifter above a large bowl, she turns her head toward Sera and says, “Well, what are you waiting for?”

Sera blinks a few times in surprise. “But I’m not…”

“Not what?” Rana says as she starts to sift the flour. “Not ‘elfy’ enough? Screw that. I got these ingredients because I want to bake cookies with you. I want us to make our own ‘us cookies.’ Together.”

At that, Sera gives in and allows herself a smile. “Frigging weird, you are,” she laughs, grabbing an apron of her own and joining Rana at the table, where she’s finished sifting the flour and has begun adding hardwood ash and salt. Meanwhile, Sera grabs the recipe and skims over it to find the next step.

“I’ll do the spices,” she says, grabbing a spoon. While she measures and mixes in the spices, Rana prepares the butter. It feels kind of nice, actually, being able to do something helpful and productive, but she’ll reserve judgment for when the cookies—hearth cakes—are actually finished. Maybe they’ll turn out tasting terrible, and it’ll be all her fault. That seems more likely.

“Okay,” Rana says. “Now we have to rub the butter into the mix until it all starts to look like crumbs. I recommend using our fingers; it’s easier.”

Sera smirks. “Mess! That’s fun stuff.”

Rana flashes her a snaggletooth grin, a smile reserved only for those she cares enough about. Sera counts herself lucky to be able to see it. “I knew you’d like that.”

Rana tosses the hunk of halla butter into the bowl, then presses it into the mixture. The yellow-white mush quickly covers her long, tan fingers, and after a moment, Sera sticks her own hands into the bowl and starts pushing the butter into the mix. Their hands constantly bump each other, and they giggle as their hands go from buttery to coated in thin crumbs. Sera savors her girlfriend’s giggle, another rare joy from a woman mired in bitterness and exhaustion.

When they’re nearly done, Sera takes her index finger and draws a swirly design around Rana’s right eye and down her cheek in sticky crumbs. “Now you match,” she says, referring to the black vallaslin that adorns the left side of her face, though it’s much more intricate than Sera’s last-minute crumb drawing. Rana snorts and kisses her on the cheek.

Sera handles the next step, stirring in the sugar and dried cranberries, while Rana beats the egg in a separate bowl to pour into the large one. They take turns mixing everything together until the dough actually starts to look like it’s supposed to.

Rana gets an excited gleam in her bright purple eyes, eyes that have captivated Sera since the moment she first saw them glowing in the darkness. “This is where they actually start to taste like cookies.”

They sprinkle some flour on the table and dump the dough out. Rana presses her palms against the lump and starts to knead with both hands, her movements strong and sure despite her tiny frame. She looks like she doesn’t need much help, so Sera stands and watches, admiring the subtle ripples of muscle in her arms and shoulders. Finally, when the dough is about as thin as it’s supposed to be, Rana grabs a goblet, turns it upside down, and says, “Cookie time,” before planting it firmly into one corner of the dough, cutting a perfect circle.

They fall into a pattern: Rana cuts the cookies, Sera pulls them out of the dough and sets them on a plate for the time being. When they run out of room to make another round shape, Rana rolls the remaining dough into a ball and flattens it out like she did before, until it’s so small that she can’t cut it with the goblet anymore. “What do we do with that, Inky?” Sera asks.

Rana picks up the little dough ball and rips it into two. Handing one half to Sera and popping the other into her mouth, she says, “We eat it.”

Sera laughs a little and shoves her piece into her mouth, chewing cautiously, prepared to hate it. It’s sweet and flavorful, and she likes the way the cranberries mix with the pastry dough.

Rana watches her expectantly. “Well? How is it?”

Sera shrugs and smiles awkwardly. “I...I like it.”

Rana grins again, and again, Sera feels blessed to witness it.

The final step is to actually bake the hearth cakes over a flame. Rana grabs a flat iron griddle and lets it heat up over the fire in the corner of the kitchen. Per her request, Sera tosses a pinch of flour into the griddle, and they watch as it turns golden brown, signalling that it’s ready.

Rana pulls the griddle out and sets it back on the table, while Sera carefully places the hearth cakes around the edge—“If we put them in the middle, it’ll blacken them,” Rana explains. She can’t fit them all in, so they’ll have to do a couple rounds.

They stand next to each other, watching the cookies get larger. Rana still has the crumb design on her face, and Sera leans down and rests her head on Rana’s shoulder. “You’re fun, Inky,” she says as she stares into the fire. “And you’re sweet, underneath all that ‘Grrr, look at me funny and I’ll knife you.’” They both giggle. When Sera first met Rana, she thought she’d never hear a sound like that come out of her mouth. She seemed too distant, too hostile, too bogged down with responsibility and hurt. For her to open up, to let loose, means more than Sera could ever put into words.

When the first batch of cookies is done, Sera helps pull them out of the griddle and onto the plate from earlier, while Rana replaces them with the unbaked half. Sera grabs one and pops the whole thing into her mouth, even though she knows she should wait until they’ve cooled down.

To the surprise of no one, the cookie burns her mouth, and she has to chew with it open to get some relief. “Piss!” she yells, but she’s smiling, too, and Rana shakes her head in mock disapproval.

“So? How are they?” Rana asks, keeping one eye on the griddle. “Besides the ‘burning your tongue’ part.”

Well, besides the “burning her tongue” part, the baked cookie tastes even better than the raw dough, which shouldn’t be too surprising, but it kind of is. It’s like she was still waiting for the cakes to turn bad somehow.

“They...they’re good,” she says. “I thought they’d be terrible. I thought I’d make them terrible. Not elfy enough to make elfy cookies right. Maybe that’s stupid, but ‘til now, it’s all I knew how to feel. ‘Not allowed to be elfy, Sera, elfy is bad,’ but ‘not elfy enough, Sera, try harder.’ So instead of feeling like a human or an elf, I just feel like...a failed elf.” She frowns and sighs. “So it’s good. This is good. Because now cookies make me think of you and how much I like you, instead of frigging Lady Emmald.” She grabs another cookie off the plate and takes a bite out of it, smiling spitefully. “And now I can make cookies better than she ever could. So she can eat it.”

Rana’s gaze is soft and warm, like a comforting light. “I’m glad, ma vhenan.”

Usually Sera doesn’t like hearing Elvish—her inability to speak or understand most of it serves as just another reminder of her supposed brokenness. But when Rana calls her vhenan, it’s different. It has a certain weight to it; it swells with everything Rana feels and can’t express. It’s a word that Rana shouts in desperation when Sera falls on the battlefield, and it’s a word that she whispers against Sera’s chest when they’re alone at night. It feels right for once, to love and be loved by her.

It’s Sera that breaks the trance between them when she smells the burning. “Inky! The cookies!”

Rana jumps and quickly pulls the griddle out from the flame and sets it on the table. The cookies aren’t on fire, but they’re significantly darker than the first batch.

“Ugh,” Sera says, wrinkling her nose. “See, that’s what happens when you get too lovey-dovey.”

They stare at each other for a short moment, and then they both burst into laughter.

[khanpial]

Fictober 2019 [Belated] Day 9

Prompt 9: “There is a certain taste to it.”

Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition

“There is a certain taste to it.” Iron Bull said, a moment after he had taken the first sip.

“Yeah! An elfy taste!” Sera snort sniggered.

“That's because it is an Elvhen recipe Sera!” Solas frowned at her, disappointed etched on his face.

Lavellan sighed.

The four of them were hunkered down in one of Crestwood's caves, out of the cold and rain that hadn't seemed to let up since they arrived last night.

Lavellan wasn't sure who it started with, but by morning both Sera and Iron Bull had the sniffles, and she wasn't feeling too good either. Maybe they shouldn't have had that snowball fight on the way out of Skyhold when they left, the constant rain in this area hadn't helped either.

It was after Iron Bull let out a huge sneeze that Sera got the idea of a new prank, of creating Qunari snot grenades to lob at her next poncy noble targets that her 'friends' told her about. The others protested, even Iron Bull looked queasy of the idea.

Solas had then put his foot down, having tolerated enough of the sniffing and sniveling all day, and told them to find a cave for the night while he went to collect some ingredients.

He returned several hours later, and created this... broth... for everyone to drink. Despite the amount of Elfroot Lavellan had seen him toss into the pot, it looked... brown.

Iron Bull was the first one to be brave enough to try it, leading to the current squabble.

“Just drink it,” Solas said, “it'll clear up any sickness you have, and fortify you against it while we are here.”

He took a hearty mouthful from his own bowl, Iron Bull shrugged and did the same while Sera gave hers a suspicious look.

“Not drinking it, looks like horse piss,” she nudged her bowl away, before wiping her nose on her sleeve.

Solas began to open his mouth to argue back, and Lavellan decided to stall it as her head was starting to pound, laid a hand on his arm and shook her head at him when he glanced back at her.

She looked at Sera, “I'll make you a deal Sera, if I drink this then you drink it too... and I'll help you prank the others when we get back to Skyhold.”

“Oh this should be good,” Iron Bull chuckled before it turned into a cough. He elbowed Sera between wheezes, “you said the Inquisitor here was being too boring of late the other day, didn't you?”

Sera pursed her lips, glaring at the bowl by her before looking up at Lavellan, “fine, you drink first though, ain't drinking it if you can't swallow it.”

Lavellan gave a small smile of victory and picked up her bowl. Lifting it to her lips, she took a mouthful.

Like Iron Bull said, it had a certain taste to it.

To her, it was strangely familiar but still different. It reminded her of the broth that her Keeper had made for those who were feeling sickly. The taste gave her a pang of homesickness that she pushed down.

Obviously, there must have been an original recipe, and over the years it got changed depending on who made it, her clan had their version and Solas had learned his from whatever clan he had come from. She was pretty sure that had Sera been raised by her Elvhen parents in an alienage, this taste would be familiar to her as well.

“Well?” Sera gave her an impatient look, “Wot's it taste like?”

“It tastes like what my Keeper used to make us,” Lavellan told her, “but much better to be honest.”

“Better, how?” Solas asked, looking curious.

“To be honest,” Lavellen took another sip, “the Keeper's version is purely medicinal and tastes so.”

She gave a laugh, “actually, we had a name for it that we called it whenever the Keeper wasn't around.”

“What was it?” Iron Bull asked, he had finished his bowl and set it aside.

“We usually called it by an Elvhen name, but I'll translate it literally for you. We called it Dread Wolf's Puke, because that's what it looked and tasted like to us!” Lavellen giggled.

“What?” Solas eyes opened wide, before he turned his disappointed look at her.

“Yeah, what he said,” Sera chimed in too, “if this stuff tastes that bad the deal's off.”

Lavellan felt bad, “oh no Solas, Sera. This here tastes wonderful, its got the underlying medicinal taste of the Keeper's version but whatever you added to it Solas, makes it so much more flavorful!”

“Oh well,” Solas sniffed, “as long as it isn't the Dread Wolf's Puke then!”

“It was just a name us young ones called it, I'm sure you would agree with the name if you had been forced to drink it Solas!”

For some reason, it felt like his disappointed look intensified. Not being able to bear it, Lavellan turned to Sera.

“Come on,” she told her, “a deal is a deal, drink up!”

“Urgh fine,” Sera wrinkled her nose before trying a tiny sip. One tiny sip turned into a greedy mouthful.

Sera dropped her empty bowl, “that was flavorful.” She playfully poked Solas in the arm, “you could call it Dread Wolf's Treat, your version!”

“I think not!” Solas brushed her off tetchily.

Lavellan finished off her broth as well, “I think we should turn in for the night. We still need to drain the lake tomorrow.”

It would also stop Sera and Solas sniping at each other.

Yawning, Iron Bull agreed. Solas said he'd take the first watch.

Gradually the party fell asleep amidst Iron Bull's heaving snores.

“Dread Wolf's Puke indeed,” Solas griped as he settled to watch for intruders.

[karak9]

(omg tysm I didn’t expect this much info :O I just picked a random person who was doing tarot)

really interesting. so last night I was making this past life regression oil recipe I’d found and saw a white moth in the kitchen, which was the third time I’ve seen a white moth now?? weird. I set it outside tho.

then I had a dream about larping with people and being a super badass archer. I don’t think I was actually that good in my possible elf life LOL but it was still super cool and I felt very elfy in my dream altho I was human. maybe I was just thinking about elf stuff so much I dreamed about it, idk.

I may have said on here before but I’m pretty confident I was some kinda warrior in my elf life and that I was really good with a bow and a sword (prob mostly bow tbh). the “change of jobs” thing made me think of how I may have had a normal elf life up until some point where I had to go to war or something?

right away, the connection to nature thing is SO on point. I believe my kind were sort of guardians of nature and lived in the forest. I feel like I’ve said a million times now that I have a deep connection to nature and have since childhood, and that’s the main thing that led me to believe I’m elfkin. very cool. I believe in tarot now. ty.

I don’t remember anything about my family or even other people in my elf life, so this is interesting to read. I’ll have to do some more regressions to figure out stuff about the other people in my life. like I’m fairly certain I did have close friends or a family, tho maybe what’s blocking me rn is I have a weird relationship with the concept of family bc of how my family (in this life) has treated me growing up, so the idea of having a loving family feels ?? so foreign??? but I think I could see my elf life having had a kind loving family, it’s just wild to think about rn. I don’t get how anyone can be close with their family lmao

the survivor thing reminds me of when I was a kid and would roleplay in my backyard and pretend I was a badass super hero/alien warrior from another planet who could shapeshift into a dog lmao, and I don’t remember how the HECK I got this idea as a child but my background story was like, this big spooky evil monster queen killed everyone in my village to come after me. I still wonder to this day if I somehow got that from a show I watched or if it was really a past life thing. maybe in my elf life my village was destroyed and I was one of the few survivors. I honestly didn’t think about that until now. I’ve kinda just accepted over time that 90% of my weird fantasies as a kid were just fantasies, but I also believe the name I “made up” as a kid is probably my elf name soooo, anything is possible I guess.

I’m not sure about the overcoming addiction thing. I don’t think it was me who had a problem with addiction, maybe it was someone else. what this kinda reminds me of tho is when I was doing research on elfkin when I was questioning my kintype, I came across this blog that described a lot about elf history, which I’m still not sure if it was entirely from elfkin sharing their memories and stuff or if any of it was based off of books?? (like how there are elfkin who resonate with lotr stuff) but there was this thing called like the corruption or w/e that would take over anything and everything and just destroyed shit. kinda wonder if there was something like that in my time as an elf, and maybe me or someone else was inflicted with something like this and recovered.

about my death- I’ve always thought self sacrifice was a very honourable way to die, I’m not sure if that’s what this could mean, but yeah. I remember even as a kid I wished that I could be like jesus LMAO like I just wanted to be cool and sacrifice myself to others, not that I wanted to literally be just like jesus but I thought the idea of sacrificing myself for the greater good was the shit. maybe it did have something to do with my family, like I sacrificed myself for them. idk. I’d sure as hell consider that a successful death, lmao. I really highly doubt I committed suicide in that life. but I have wondered if I died young in that life or if my kind just didn’t age bc the concept of growing old is weird af to me.

and the last one- I would say for a long time I’ve been sort of motherly. like, in this life I honestly don’t want kids of my own, I’m perfectly fine just being the cool aunt who will do arts and crafts with kids, but damn I do not wanna settle down and have kids, at least not any time soon. but maybe in my past life I had kids? idk. or maybe I was preggo at some point. wouldn’t be totally shocked. gotta say tho, I have a feeling past life me would’ve made a great mom. this life? not so much. but elf mom good.

just thought I’d write out my interpretations of all of this. it’s nice to have my thoughts written somewhere bc I’m hella forgetful. this is cool af tho and I can’t wait to do some past life regressions :D

Hello! I've never asked anyone for a tarot reading but I'm really curious about my past life. I believe I was an elf. I don't know any other info you need from me but I'd like to know anything about that life really. I would say I'm particularly curious about my death, or leading up to it. Thanks!

Ooo a past life! Of course, anon! So this one is a doozy. Lot of cards for 8 questions so lets dive in. Oh yea, I used the Wild Unknown deck. Oh yea, I did a spread, forgot to say that.

1. Your early ears

8 of Swords reversed: it seems like you were a survivor of some sort. You escaped too.

9 of Swords reversed: you recovered from it and accepted the helo.

7 of Cups reversed: you had some lack of spiritual growth and had clarity.

2. Education

Father of Pentacles: you were gentle and passionate.

The Fool: you had new beginnings in your education.

3 of Pentacles: you had the determination and relied on help when needed.

Son of Swords: yet, you were determined yourself to finish it. You also were well educated.

The Moon: you had some self doubt and anxiety happening.

The Empress: you had a maternal type of relationship in your life. You were connected to nature (maybe the elf in you?)

The Emperor: you also had a paternal type of relationship too. Both parents perhaps.

The Hierophant: you loved learning and knowledge.

3. Occupation

Wheel of Fortune: looks like your past life had a change of jobs. This card says there’s a change of fate coming.

4. Social Status

Temperance: you had balanc and harmony in your life.

The Devil reversed: it looks like you or someone overcame an addiction. Y’all been released of that addiction.

5. Relationships

5 of Cups: someone in your friend grouo or relationship left ya. Sadness there.

6. Death

6 of Wands: it looks like it was successful death or life. Maybe suicide? Or your life was successful.

Father of Wands: you had a loving heart. Family most likely came to honor you and your death.

7. The Lesson Learned

Mother of Cups: it seems like the lesson you learned at the time was to love your family.

8. The Impact of the past life in your present life

A pregnancy probably came or is going to happen. Or the growth of ideas are all around ya.

Alright, doozy I tell ya! I hope you enjoyed this reading! Critism is welcomed! ☺️

[buildcoachsell]

So we’ve gotten past the arrival of your Elf on the Shelf.  Now what?  Christmas is not complete without these cute little fellas in your home. So, all December long, enjoy the fun tricks with these Santa’s Subordinates in your home.

Your friends are posting all kinds of fun and crazy things their Elf is doing but, be it exhaustion, lack of creative juices, or what have you, you’re stumped.

Fear Not!! I’ve been there, done that!  So in the interest of parents far and wide who’ve struggled like I have to get the Elf juices flowing, I’ve compiled a list of fun Elfish ideas for this Holiday.  Some are from around the net, some from friends, and a couple – I’m proud to say – have emerged from my own creativity and have become a favorite giggle fest memory with my girls.

Don’t wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, realizing that you forgot to do something cute with your Elf – AGAIN – grab this list

Without further ado – please enjoy this list of fun Elf ideas!!

🎄  This Elf is as sweet as candy!  Literally!

🎄  Want to drive home that you can’t touch the Elf?  These little guys have Christmas Pox and it’s highly contagious! 

🎄  Most kiddos love magic and so does the Elf on the Shelf!

🎄  Tie your elf up in Christmas decorations!  This can only mean one thing: it’s D-Day – time to decorate the tree!

🎄  Your elf wants to be nice and snuggly, wrap him up in toilet paper.  Potty jokes are funny right?

🎄  This naughty Elf has been raiding the marshmallows! 

🎄  Perhaps your Elf has a beef with Frosty, or a rivalry?  This Elf was teaching him a lesson!

🎄  Set your Elf up with Christmas-y books open in a circle around him. It’s a great way to entice your kids to sit and read!

🎄  What elf, or kiddo for that matter, doesn’t like kisses? Set your little Elf in a mini kissing booth surrounded by kisses!  Get the printable by Living Locurto here.

🎄  Again with the potty humor? You Betcha!  Elfie, disguised as the Grinch, and some Stink, Stank, Stunk spray!

🎄  Set your Elf up to help bake some cookies with the fam!  Do you have a favorite cookie recipe?  Check out this free printable from Mom Envy to set up this Elvish scene here.

🎄  Again with the Marshmallows?  Heck yeah!!!  They’re yummy and look like snowballs!

🎄  This Elf is going to take his pet Dino for a walk. How cute is that?

🎄  Was it super noisy in your house? Have your Elf take a personal day for some R & R!

🎄  Get your Elf in on shoveling snow the easy way, cotton balls and a spoon will do it.

🎄  Some kiddos might need a little reminder to be good and do their chores.  Give yourself a break and make your Elf tell them!

🎄  This one take a little more planning but how cute are these Elf sized cookies!!  Get the instructions from This Mama Loves here.

🎄  If your Elf has a little naughty streak, you can set her up with a glue stick and a book. This little Elf is trying to glue your book shut!

🎄  If your Elf gets hungry don’t let him eat the wrong treats!

🎄 Because well? Sometimes a visual behavior system is just what the kids need to be reminded that acting like sugared up tornadoes will not get them in Santa’s good graces.

🎄 If your Elf has been super naughty, make him or her write lines – no excuses!

🎄 Our Elf loves to go fishing in the Bathroom Sink, and the kids think it’s hilarious.  The fishy crackers get a little soggy after a while but they get the picture.

🎄 Here’s another fun printable from This Mama Loves  so you can set your Elf up with his very own Marshmallow Dunk Tank!  Download Here.

🎄 Teach your kiddos to pay it forward while recycling… AND alleviate some clutter int he play room before Santa brings a new delivery!

🎄 Here’s a simple but funny Elf set up.  All Elves love Googly Eyes!

🎄 Get your kids out the door to school faster by letting your Elf ride in the car to see their school.  Make sure you have an extra seat belt available. 😉

🎄 This one is quite impressive and takes a bit more effort.  If you can get this one done in early in the month, you can reuse some of the paper to do your gift wrapping.

🎄 Say Cheese!  Your Elf is now a photographer. Line up some of your kiddo’s favorite toys for a bit of Elf photography.

🎄 Another variation, getting your Elf all rolled up.  If you need a really easy option that takes almost no planning or prep. This toilet roll scenario is pretty perfect.

🎄 Elvin Taco Tuesday – Let’s Taco’bout it! This is kinda fun. We love taco night in our house, and so does our Elf!

🎄 This Elf in a balloon will amaze your little ones as they try and work out how the Elf got inside. Take care not to pop the balloon in the process though, because you don’t want your kiddos waking up with a fright late at night and coming to investigate.

🎄 Sometimes you need to give the little people a friendly Elf reminder to be nice instead of naughty.

🎄 This is a fun idea if you have more than one Elf in your house, or if you want to get your other favorite toys involved.  Send them out to a sac race!

🎄 Bath time is important, even if you are an Elf. Use cotton balls to give your Elf a good bubble bath.  Your dollhouse or Barbie bath is the perfect size.

🎄 Sometimes our Elf likes to just hike up the tree and hang out with the angel. Just hanging about and making friends with the other festive character in the house. This is a quick and easy last-minute Elf move.

🎄 This Elf balloon ride might require a few extra props that you don’t already have laying around at home.  You can go all out, or keep it simpler, the choice is yours.

🎄 We love My Little Pony’s! Dashing through the snow, with a bunch of My Little Pony friends…

🎄 Nutcrackers are a staple at Christmas time. Grab a regal outfit for your Elf while he hangs out with some of her Nutcracker peeps.

🎄 Get into the spirit of baking. A messy but fun idea is to write your Elf’s name in flour on the kitchen counter. Make sure you time it on a day you don’t need to use that area!

🎄 This is probably my kiddos favorite Elf prank so far.  We’ve done a few variations (family underwear collection pictured below), but the favorite was when Else, our Elf stole the girl’s underwear and hung them all over the tree.  They could not stop giggling every time they passed the tree.

🎄 Make use of you festive decorations with simple scenarios like this one. These reindeer have featured in many an Elf encounter over the years.

🎄 Similar to the cotton ball bubble bath from earlier, this bauble bath is a fun festive twist.

🎄 Sometimes it happens, someone touches the Elf.  Have your Elf bring some Magic Elf Dust just in case so you can keep the Elfish fun alive.

🎄 Your Elf can give the kiddos a not so subtle reminder to be good listeners this year!

🎄 Play Hide and Seak with your Elf!  If you need something quick, hide and seek is the easiest thing ever and there are so many places for the elves to hide in the house.

🎄 If your Elf is feeling under the weather, make sure you set him up with the proper items to help him get to feeling better!

🎄 If you’re itching for a fun craft project to put out with your Elf, check out this tutorial from Make Life Lovely for a cute little Elf Door.

🎄 Perhaps your Elf needs a little speed. Grab some legos and matchbox cars or hot-wheels and let him go for a car race.

🎄 Do you want to build a snowman? Your Elf does!!

🎄 Is your Elf an adrenaline junkie? Check out this cute DIY Lego Zipline from Mama Cheaps.  Tutorial here.

🎄 The Elf on the Shelf is a Jack (or Jill) of all trades, and today she’s a painter.

🎄 ‘Nuf said for this Elf! LOL

🎄 Another Poo reference!

🎄 This Batman Elf  has got things handled.

🎄 It’s the attack of the Lego People!!  

🎄 If your Elf is feeling a bit lonely send him out on a date with Barbie… no curfew. 

🎄 Elves love doing the magic egg trick!!

🎄 Another fun Elf zipline adventure.  This one is a little more simple and easy to set up.

🎄 This Elf decided to help with chores.  Way to get going on the laundry!

🎄 This set up cracks me up and is such a cute idea. I love the little Elf Illustrated magazine he’s enjoying while sunbathing.

🎄 Need another use for all those tupperware lids? Why not let the Elf take a sledding ride?

🎄 If you need to rope your kids into helping string lights, let the elf show you how it’s done.

🎄 This cute idea shows a fun way to get Elsa from Frozen involved. Watch out though, you’ll need to thaw your Elf after.  Or you could just Let it go…

🎄 Everyone loves a good game of angry birds… even Christmas Elves.

🎄 Yup it’s messy, but if you’re looking for an inexpensive activity for your Elf that will make the kiddos crack up, try making snow angels in flower on the countertop.

🎄 Does your Elf have a 5 o’clock shadow? Set this up for your kids to find in the morning.

🎄 This scene cracks me up every time. A good rescue mission might be in order here. Set the scene with some army figurines and blue painters tape.

🎄 Drawing on your family photos with dry erase markers is certainly one of the Elf’s more mischievous tricks.

🎄 Everyone loves watching Christmas movies, don’t leave out your Elf!

🎄 Here’s another fun way to dress up a family photo…  Rudolph style.

🎄 Ummmm…. Someone got their hand stuck in the cookie jar.  Or more aptly, in the M&M bag.  Naughty Elf.

🎄 TPing the Christmas tree.

🎄 Boy those reindeer make a mess!

🎄 This. Is. Adorable.  If you are a Harry Potter fan, or have kids that are, make sure your Elf has a day to be Harry this Holiday.

🎄 Do I need to put a caption? 

🎄  Get your Elves into the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  It’s the Elf Bucket Challenge.

🎄 Recycle those old Pringles containers and let your Elf wear it for a day.

🎄 Have your Elf bring the kiddos a Gingerbread House Kit!

🎄 Hide and Seek!  Your Elf fits perfectly in the silverware drawer.

🎄 Is your Elf a joker? Ours is!

🎄 This Elf idea is so fun and your kids will love it.

🎄 Tie your Elf up and let the kiddos rescue him from the train!

🎄 Just let your Elf hang around.

🎄 Don’t do this one unless you have another toilet to use!

🎄 Our Elf usually ends up in the laundry at least once a year.

🎄 If your Elf likes to live on the edge, perhaps he likes to Rock – or bow – climb.

🎄 With all that candy and marshmallow consumption, perhaps your Elf needs a good workout.

🎄 This idea is hilarious.  Use washable markers to draw funny faces on your kiddos.  Or use a red marker and give them a Rudolph nose.  

🎄 HOT DOG that’s a clever Elf.

🎄 For those of you who have stuck it out until the very end, I’ve compiled a little slideshow of completely inappropriate but hilarious Elf on the Shelf scenes.  View with caution!

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Got some ideas we didn’t cover?  Make sure to share them with us below!!!

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  All The Elf On The Shelf Ideas You Need This Holiday! So we've gotten past the arrival of your Elf on the Shelf.  Now what?  Christmas is not complete without these cute little fellas in your home.

[felassan]

Lentil Soup recipe from Dragon Age: The Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas.

Transcribed lore blurb:

"Lentil Soup Lentils and onions - open any pantry across Thedas, and I'm certain you'll find these two ingredients sitting on the shelves. They're both relatively inexpensive and keep well for an extended period of time. Best of all, they go with pretty much anything! Still, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if these two Thedosian staples played a starring role instead of a supporting one. So I combined a recipe that's popular in elven alienages with some classic Tevinter flavors to supply an answer to this question. And what a delicious answer it is!"

Source: Dragon Age: The Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas.