#anon ik you know why this is harmful i’m just trying to get my talking points ahead of me lmao

[elekinetic]

does st have copaganda? yes im sorry i wanted to ask this question because it seems a lot of people don't think so (harmful in so many ways)

alright. let’s have this conversation.

Copaganda is media that promotes celebratory portrayals of the American* police force. These portrayals are often antithetical to the realities marginalized groups (POC, queer people, working class, the intersections of these groups, etc). Copaganda rewards fictional officers who ignore procedures (that often protect civil liberties) in favor of chasing a “hunch” or “doing what’s right,” even without evidence. When you have a police system with deeply ingrained racism, those “hunches” will be painted by said racism. Basically a show tells you to trust the instincts of police, regardless of proof. By portraying cops as heroes and inherently good, copaganda discourages rightful critique of the police force. They’re the cops. They’re the good guys. What could they possibly be doing wrong?

Jim Hopper, as sheriff, represents the police in this show.** He regularly breaks protocol and the law in order to save the day, and the plot rewards this behavior. Between his relationships with Sarah, Joyce, and El, Hopper is deeply empathetic. we love Hopper and we want to see him win. Most importantly, we trust Hopper. So, if Hopper, who consistently breaks protocol for the greater good = police (which he does, bc being sheriff is a massive part of his character which we never forget), and Hopper = good and trustworthy, then cops who break protocol = good and trustworthy.

Spelled out like that, it seems so obvious. How do you fall for something like that? But they’re all subconscious connections. Often the writers don’t even realize they’re doing it. we’re so used to the “hero cop” archetype that we don’t even stop to think about its repercussions. think about shows like Brooklyn 99 or Psych. It’s pretty clear the showrunners didn’t sit down and say “Okay, how can we further manipulate the American public into trusting a system that primarily exists to oppress marginalized peoples and reinforce harmful social structures?” But that’s the effect. You bombard the American public with media that tells you to empathize with the police and to take their side…. the American public will take their side. So yes. Stranger Things absolutely has copaganda, and it doesn’t matter that it’s unintentional. It is still harmful.

This isn’t to say you have to stop watching Stranger Things.*** Just… be mindful of this. Be aware that this is fictional. The guy in the cop car parked on the corner is not Jim Hopper, or Jake Peralta, or Juliet O’Hara. Cops are not your friends. They do not want to help you. (If one bad apple is protected by ten good apples, you have ten bad apples. all cops are bastards****.)

Garfield said it best: you are not immune to propaganda. Stay critical of the media you consume. Don’t let yourself get played.

*copaganda is not exclusive to the US, but it’s especially widespread here and that’s what is relevant to this conversation given ST takes place in indiana.

**in seasons 1-3. callahan’s joviality and powell’s struggle to fill hopper’s shoes in s4 make them empathetic. again, getting us on their side and trusting them.

***full disclosure: it is in no universe my call on whether you should or shouldn’t keep watching a show bc it’s copaganda. i’m very white and it is not my place to decide whether a show can be “forgiven” or not. again. stay critical.

****just a reminder that ACAB does not mean all cops suck, it means all cops are part of a bastardized system that, again, exists to serve and reinforce oppressive structures.

[celestie0]

Hello ellie! 😍 im just here to drop a ‘few’ words so don’t mind me 🤪 (i fear it may have turned into a yapsesh oopsies!)

Help omg idk if this is tmi but like im on my period and I was reading chap 3 of ihm right… and how could i prevent myself from laughing at my fav goofy ahh lighthearted romcom series on tumblr? 😔 put 2 and 2 together and boom i had my ketchup bottle moment when reading the dialogue bye 💀🤚 I LITERALLY HAD TO STOP FOR A MOMENT TO PROCESS WTH JUST HAPPENED LOL

Anyway, i rlly LOVEEEE your writing style for ihm,, the goofiness n domesticity is what I need as therapy for the heart wrenching angst fics ive read 😤 the way you write y/n + gojo’s dynamic and quarrels never fail to make me crack up like an egg and i love you for that 😔 THANK YOU FOR CREATING A COMFORT FIC FOR US ALL 🥺🫶

I hope I’m not stepping out of line here but your feelings abt the smut in ihm is totally valid and i understand you. That anon probs didn’t intend on bringing any harm but like there’s bountiful of smut in the jjk fandom that I’m sure they could have read instead of commenting smth so ignorant and disrespectful 🥲 Pls every time i search ‘jjk x reader’ in the search tab, i’m always greeted by endless posts of smut one-shots 😭 but fr this fandom actually needs to stop being a buncha horny brainrots bc im actually over repetitive and predictable smut,, everything just feels so shallow :,0 (everyone is entitled to their own opinion so dont atk me pls) and them invading your personal space by demanding smut is just not it… and we all know you don’t have to cater to them bc u don’t owe them anything! no need to listen to the smut hungry anons bc they don’t even care abt the blood, sweat and tears you pour into ur fics if they’re pushing you to write smut 😡‼️ they can go fulfil their dirty desires somewhere else ;-;

Words seriously cannot express how much I love your stories and just wanna applaud you for not immediately jumping into smut and actually having relationship buildup,, it makes the stories have sustenance and ik u want ur fics to be memorable in a unique way to your lovely readers 😇 but we seriously need a smut ban n touch grass movement in the jjk fandom for a bit bc this is getting out of hand 😭

I LOVE YOU ELLIE AND PLS DONT BE DISCOURAGED BY THESE SILLY ANONS BC AT THE END OF THE DAY THEY R NOTHING + YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM (us ACTUAL readers and gojo) WILL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK AND SHOWER U IN THE LOVE THAT U DESERVE!!! ❤️

hiii bb!! PLEASE the ketchup bottle moment sent me to the moon also so fucking relatable xD and omg i'm so glad you enjoy the lightheartedness of ihm so far!! it's been sm fun to write and it's become a comfort fic of my own as well <33

thanks so much for the support on the smut thing <3 i've been toggling back n forth between feeling awful for coming at that anon like that vs being glad i stood up for myself lol, but ultimately, i just needed to share my perspective. i don't think they were trying to be rude either, which is why i felt bad, but i spoke my truth lol

and i totally agree w you (pls no one attack me either) but i'm honestly kind of sick of just seeing straight smut on my feed. like it's fine when i'm in the mood but the tumblr algorithm for jjk feels like your partner constantly begging you for sex 24/7 lol. but yea power to whatever someone wants to read, but don't impose it on an author.

anywho i've been talking a lot ab this situation lolol i feel like there's nothing i haven't said anymore but i totally agree w everything you've said!

thanks sm for you lovely words of support bb :'') i love u tooo and i'm so blessed to have the community of support i have on here!! this situation has definitely made me realize i'm not alone. have a wonderful dayyy (also hope your period is treating you well) <3

[who-ever-said-i-was-nice]

Heya, could I ask for the ikevamp boys finding mc passed out at the table surrounded by work? Uni's been killing me lately. If all of them is too much then just Leonardo, Jean, Comte, Theo and Mozart? Thanks x

I cried five times while making this.

Dear Anon! Thanks sooo mush for the request. 😘I’m sorry for taking this looooong I also have a shit ton of work but HERE IT IS. I hope things get better for you and good luck!😘❤️❤️ I added a different type of uni to each of the guys just to make it interesting. @nad-zeta your daily dose of Theo. XD. Love you. Hope you enjoy! Ok here we go!

Ikevamp boys x an overworked mc

Leonardo

he just woke up from one of his naps and he decided he’s going to have a snack most probably mc

as he’s walking towards kitchen he spots you sleeping on one of the tables in the library surrounded by a huge pile of books, pens and papers

now he knew that you refused to give up on the uni you where going to when you came here but he’s still a bit surprised

he walks up to you and takes a peek at what you are studying 

architecture

more specifically some designs he came up with

*eyes emoji*

after the initial shock of finding out you where studying his work he smiles and picks you up and caries you to your bed

from that moment on he will always help you with whatever you are studying and always makes sure you take breaks

Comte

he was walking around socializing with the residents when he stumbled upon you snoozing on the dining table buried in a mountain of book

ha was aware of your studies and offered to let you off work completely

but you insisted on dedicating 4 days a week on housework

however this meant you had to study like crazy

when he saw you there he already knew what’s wrong

he panicked internally but calmly walked to your side

he didn’t insist one knowing what exactly you where studying but this was so convenient he just had to take a look

finance studies

well damn

finds it very amazing that you manege to work and study that at the same time

sighs and carefully picks you up and takes you to bed

after that he makes sure you get enough rest in between study sessions

he will spoil you a bit more and offer to help with your studies

Jean

ok so we know poor baby can’t read

he doesn’t get why you are so passionate about your university

what did you call your studies? Linguistics? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

he has no idea what you are talking about but he loves you and loves that you have a passion

when he sees you passed out in your room in a very uncomfortable position surrounded by books...

...panic

oh wait no panic you probably just fell asleep ‘cause you where tiered

wait tiered?

panic

he will pick you up and take you to your room, makes sure you are tucked it

from that moment on he will make sure you get enough rest

Isaac

precious little bean

on one hand he understands why you are so passionate about your studies on the other he is worried

one time you where working late into the night and he asked you to stop and you brought up the argument that he does the same

so he decided not to stop you

however when he finds you passed out in the gazebo...

nope.

he is panicked and scared and angry at himself for not realizing sooner

he hurries to your side when one of your books catches his eye

you are studying quantum physics?

say what?

ok he now has a whole lot of respect for you

he will gently shake you awake

“ Mmmhmm...I did my essay” “Y/N it’s me, wake up”

you immediately wake up

“ Don’t ever do that again. You scared me.”

Now you guys study together so cute

Napoleon

UMMMMMM boy

if he saw you just hanging off a table passed out he will have a heart attack

then he will realize that you are just sleeping and you are not dead so he will calm down a bit

he can’t resist the urge to take a look at what you are studying either

politics

interesting.

so you want a  politics degree

what you will do with it he has no idea. After all you are in a different time period, but he thinks  it’s good to have a goal

what he doesn’t think is good is over working your self

“nunuche wake up” “noooooooooo I won’t wake up unless you do what I do to wake you up”

so he will kiss you and you agree to wake up how adorable i  think i’m going to cry over my own work damn I’m weird  

If he ever see you looking even a little tiered he will steal you away and you will cuddle

Arthotthur

Heart attack nr.2

oh no wait my bird is just sleeping

he’s not happy

ok let me rephrase that

he’s happy that you are happy but he’s not ok with the fact that you have overworked yourself and on top of that he’s beating himself up for not noticing earlier

he’s debating whether you’d be more pissed if he carried you to your room* or if he woke you up when something catches his attentive eye

you where studying to get a bachelor's degree in English whaaaaaat!

will go through your notes and

when he finds out you want to become a writer.....

Omg fanboy mode: activate

“ I didn’t know I had such an effect on you Luv”

you: say wut? Arthur I became writer because I wanted to

Now you two run around n the corridors smiling like dorks and narrating random events when your free and he writes next to you when you study   ( to keep and eye on you. He loves you so much)

* if that doesn’t apply to you I’m sorry. I try to write from another persons prospective, but a lot of my writing is based of my reactions to a situation or my personality. In this case I’d be pissed if he left my stuff there or went into my room ( it’s my sanctuary ok my disaster). And waking me up oh no bitch run. But on a serious note don’t be mad if it doesn’t fit your description, and if it didn’t and you want me to change something feel free to let me know. Ok next victim:

Theo

to say he’s pissed is an understatement

he’s pissed at you for taking it to far but he’s pissed at himself a lot little more for not noticing sooner

like his bff he’ll also be contemplating taking you to bed rather then yelling you awake like witch one will end up in a bigger slap

then he notices what you are studying

art

when you are done with this you are literally going to get an art degree

Theo ex. has stopped working

he is getting emotional on the inside

 will gently take you to bed and tuck you in

he’ll pat your head “ Creative Hondjie”. He has such a gentle smile on his face god I can picture it I’m crying

from then on when you have a project he will help criticize you and he will help you progress with your art

 will be keeping an eye on you 25/7 yes 25 this guy will create a time loop if it meant that you had more time to do the things you love (ahem Theo) xd  no

all in all he will be just a little softer with you, but only you. And will also deny it if somebody points it out

Vincent

Let’s all just sit down, take a moment and appreciate Vincent

He will see you passed out and he will PANIC

he will rush up to you and make sure you are ok

also waking you up in the process

he will ask what you are studying

“sooo you want to become a chef”

Pffffffff we all know poor baby is parallel with cooking

like he will burn water

is super supportive tho gee who would have thought

this boy is an angel and will help you cook

Jesus I hope Comte has fire insurance

you have a lot of fun with him and he will actually end up learning a few things form you.

will make sure you never overwork yourself again

 Dazai

this dork almost stepped on you

you had passed out under you window , ‘cause you had been studying on the floor

and this guy came waltzing in through the window

“Toshiko-san? Toshikooooo shit”

*cricket sounds* yup

he will squat down next to you and poke your cheek

“ what are you doing on the floor?” you: “what are you doing in my room?”

OOOOH GOT ���EM

you two of you will laugh about it and he will ask you what you are studying

you proudly shove your text book under his nose

“ well well Toshiko-san want’s to take care of small animals?”

you: Yes, like Isaac

he’s not really fazed by you falling asleep but  will make sure you don’t overwork and if he sees you getting tired he will crack a few terrible jokes to lighten your mood and then he will proceed to steel you away

Mozart

ok now clean freak here is going to be worried

not panicked just worried

uhum Wolf you keep telling yourself that

you where studying in the music room while Wolf was playing

suddenly he heard a thump

he stopped and looked around only to find you passed out on the table

seems like the all-nighter combined with the music led you to fall asleep

he’s frozen for a hot second until he realizes you are just sleeping

he will slowly walk up to you and poke you with a broom ‘cause he doesn’t want to touch you

Jkjk

he will go up to you and gently attempt to shake you awake when he notices what your studying

 you where studying music

“Marry me?”

he will wake you up and question you about it

from that moment on he actually helps you a little when you don’t get something and you study in the music room at all times because” it’s noisy outside”

we know you just care about her Mozart

Sebastian

he flicks your forehead

that’s it. Thant’s the canon

no I’m kidding he knows how much you study and is worried about you even before you pass out

and when you do that’s it

he scoops you up and takes you to your bed

he only flicks your forehead when you wake up

yeah you get an ear full from him

he asks what you are studying and tell him you want a degree in history

ok suddenly he’s not mad at you

from that moment on he always makes sure you are not over working

he actually shows you his notebook and you find it fascinating 

now you both collectively stalk the residents

William

y’all aren’t ready for this

when he sees you passed out in the garden he’s ready to pull out a gun and kill anyone and everyone who dared harm you

then he realizes you’re actually sleeping and he calms down a bit ( he’ll keep the gun tho shhhhh don’t tell Comte)

he will gently pat your hair and just look at you

when you wake up he will ask you what you are studying

you are a complete blushing mess when you tell him you want to become an actress

he’s shooketh and also really happy at the same time

now he takes you with him to the theater and he gives you a role to play and he watches while you practice

he’s also super attentive and will never let you overwork yourself again

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe everyone! 😘😘😘

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest �� will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[notquitetwilight]

Ik I don't engage w u much but I'd just really like to talk to an Irish person....this pandemic is shit and its handled badly by Martin here and I just know that we won't get level 3 in march....I'm really fed up with it, I've graduated into a workplace where no one knows what's going on and there's no support. And to make it worse, beast from the east 2 is on the way so it's Baltic here which makes going for a walk a bit shit.

Do you have any tips or recommendations or even have just a good moan about the pandemic, Ireland style?

It’s feckin disastrous with FF and FG and the turncoat Greens in government tbh. Idk what you’ve graduated in but based on your ask it sounds like possibly something in the medical/science industries??? If that is the case I can’t imagine how hard it is rn bc the Irish govt’s lack of support there is evident at the best of times, never mind in a feckin pandemic 🥴 Don’t be shy to DM me off anon if you ever wanna rant!!!!!!! No pressure tho ofc as I know lots of people prefer anon and that’s why I’ve it enabled 💞

I don’t have any tips bc I feel exactly the same in terms of barely leaving the house both bc of lockdown and the weather, it’s near impossible to get out for walks. Like I’m glad we’re in lockdown bc of how bad the numbers were and I’m hoping they don’t just open back up again like they did the other two times we came out of lockdown bc otherwise we’re just gonna be back in the same boat a few weeks/months later yano? But that doesn’t make living in lockdown any less shite/easier. It’s like groundhog day over and over and the vaccine rollout is so bloody slow??????? I’ve pals in the States who’ve pre-existing conditions and have already had their first dose, meanwhile we’re being told all over 70s, who’ve priority next to frontline workers, probably won’t be done til MAY????? It legit feels like all I’m doing is hearing of people going for tests or dying and life is just on pause at the minute with the vague promise of “it’ll be better soon” but no idea as to when. I’m also job hunting atm and p much every industry’s job market is cat bc of the pandemic but my industry was limited in Ireland beforehand anyway, which was why I emigrated, but then the pandemic made me return home and now I’m stuck here and it feels never-fucking-ending!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙃🙃🙃🙃

Generally I’m trying to take it one day at a time and truly just survive. Some days are more productive than others (I’ve a chronic illness too that I’ll be waiting to be seen for for god knows how long again bc of the pandemic so some days I’m dragging myself out of the bed just before noon) and I’m trynna be forgiving with myself but it’s hard. It’s my birthday later this week and as someone with achievement/career anxiety turning another year older while unemployed in an unpromising situation is literally giving me chest pains hskskdkskksf 💀 I’m sorry if I went too negative there but I just kinda wanted to be honest and show you (or anyone else who’s struggling atm) that you’re not alone. We’re all in different circumstances and some people’s are definitely worse than others but the current situation is affecting us all in different and harmful ways and none of us are getting out of it unscathed (well except the rich maybe lol 🙃). So take comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one, but don’t let that diminish/invalidate how you’re feeling, if you get me? We’re allowed to be sad and angry and grieve normal life while doing our part to lessen the grieving of people. 💗

[utopians]

oh thanks i just need to speak it’s been bad my boyfriend of the last couple years broke up with me because he felt like he wasn’t mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship. talking to him has been my main way of coping with everything so we still kept talked every day. he was acting weird and eventually told me that he’s in a relationship with his ex (who is a good friend of ours and a main part of our friend group)

oh lord anon I’m so sorry you’re in that situation, that sounds awful... ofc I’m getting a very succinct version of the story here so I can’t really make any solid judgements but you absolutely have the right to be upset imo. I understand if you don’t want to hold onto resentment for your friend abt this, especially if talking to him is genuinely helpful and cathartic for you, but not being like. open and straightforward with you in this situation is absolutely unfair to you and he should’ve talked with you honestly abt the situation. claiming that he didn’t want to be with you due to ‘not wanting a relationship rn’ and then immediately getting into another relationship is shitty any way you cut it

I’m not gonna say that there’s some easy answer here where you solve your relationship with your ex bc I absolutely understand why you wouldn’t want to sacrifice what you still have with him (or upset the friend group) but the fact remains that he wasn’t honest with you and you deserve to be upset abt that. 

finally ik that this is so much easier said than done but honestly my biggest advice here is to try not to dwell on him as much as you can possibly avoid it. if there’s literally anyone else you can talk with or anything (healthy ofc) you could do to distract yourself (which I know is. a tall order in the quarantine days but still), I would wholeheartedly recommend it. I’m not saying that you have to Cut Him Out Of Your Life if you think that would do more harm than good but the fact remains that he hurt you and you deserve some time to heal from it, and dwelling on him + the girl is. for the lack of a better term picking at the wound yk. sorry if this is incoherent bc I’m typing this all out at 4am but I’m here if you ever need to talk to someone abt this, I am more than happy to just listen if that’s what you need... take care of yourself and try to just. take more time for yourself for a while, I think space from him might be what you need rn 

[coralstudiies]

do you have any tips on confidence and boosting self esteem? sometimes i feel like i’m not good enough to talk to certain people, or that everyone else is better than me. and fear stalls me from success and my dream life.

aw hun, im sorry you're going through this:( i think we've all been there, ik how it feels because sometimes when i think im finally getting good at something, someone else's better performance swallows my confidence. i think it's a common thing. of course, you might beat yourself up over that (we all will, it's just accepting that we WILL blame ourselves and then commiting to improving ourselves the next time around) but you should never destroy yourself by excessively and frequently harbouring such negative thoughts when your confidence/self-esteem is challenged.

for confidence, i don't think positive pep talk works for me because for some reason, the heart seems to only listens to our own negativity. and that's the thing tbh; if we cant trick ourselves to think positively, then we should try to see things as 'factually' as we can. im not saying become a robot, but say, if you failed a math test, instead of thinking negatively like "i suck" (which are only 2 words but negative enough to hurt your spirit imo) you should think "i need to work on my integration" of course if positive thinking works for you, go ahead. but im assuming it hasnt been effective, that's why you're asking for advice. Imo you lack confidence because you're overflowing with self-directed negativity, related to self-esteem ofc, so the best you can do is lock all of that out of your head. bit by bit! it's gonna be hard at first, but if you cant trick yourself into looking on the bright side, at least don't peer into the darkness. even that would be enough to stop some failures from eating away at your confidence.

next, about self-esteem. usually ppl have low self-esteem bc they are chasing an ideal that isn't theirs! im not saying your dreams are ideals; in a way they're just a small part. they're chasing a 'perfect me'. but you already ARE the ideal. things will come to you, so think about it that way. but they only come when you take the right steps. When you follow the right process the right results will come. It is CAUSE first then EFFECT. Goal - Thoughts - Feelings - Actions - Results - Ideal. it is somewhere along this path where you have stumbled, so find out where and sort it out asap. this is what's stopping you from becoming your own wonderful ideal. when people think they're not ideal, they naturally experience a plunge in self-esteem. and i really think there's no general way to boost self esteem except to find out whats going wrong and then fixing it. because self esteem is very closely tied to feelings, which is tied to your thoughts and hence your goals. in the same way, because it is tied to your feelings, it affects your actions, results and ideal. so its fricking endless and harmful.

you really gotta look into the issue, try your best to probe in deep even if it hurts. because trust me i've been there. i beat myself up over the smallest of things even tho i myself have won quite a healthy amount of medals and i KNOW i can do it. but my heart doesnt think so. and THEN i lack the confidence to really do what i need to do when i compete. and then i dont get the results. then at that moment, i am a step short of the ideal me. it's really a shit ton of factors coming in to play. but it all starts with me and my negativity, me and my self-blame, me and my unconfidence. but if you have the ability to start it off this way, you have the ability to turn it all around! my coach used to say, 你有多自卑就能有多自信 i.e. however inferior you can feel, is as confident as you can be. it's in you anon. you have the power. u just gotta harness it and change things for yourself step by step. idk if i helped bc like i said in an earlier answer to an ask, i'm the kind to brute force my way thru my own struggles.

but as my last reminder to u(which is not so related, but just in case its the ppl around u who intentionally make u feel bad ) circumstances don't have power over you. you -- after getting rid of(or at least minimising) whatever self-esteem issues you have -- have power over your circumstances. idk im just rly sorry that u feel like that, i know i dont give the best advice but i rly wish the best for u:) i have faith in how far you'll go!

[wooyukh]

hello. um,,,this was not a good idea. omfg im just gonna embarrass myself, arent i? wtv. thats why anon is a thing,,,i need to get this out anyways. i mean, i dont rly blame my sister cuz ik being a high school senior is a lot and ik her life's been crappy lately and its good that shes not closing herself off anymore but like idk. i feel like my parents aren't paying attention to me anymore...or for the past four years, for that matter. more parts to come haha - a girl thats a little too quiet🐋

“now that i think about it... gosh. i havent said anything other than "good morning/good night/im done with classes/thank you for the meal (im korean btw haha)/yes/no" i wish ive talked more...but i have classes and extracurriculars and two big competitions coming up, so the only time im ready to talk is at dinner, but thats the only time my sister talks too, and she talks for the entire fourty minutes we're at the table and by the time she's done we're all exhausted.”

“and by then my parents dont want to hear more depressing stuff and they start cleaning up anyways.... my sister actually asked me why i dont talk anymore. and i kinda wanted to be snarky but i cant cuz she has completely valid and real reasons and id rather me be quiet than her close herself off again like she did a few years ago. but i still have stuff i need to talk about too, yknow? like just bc im the younger sibling doesn't mean i go through life smoothly - a girl a little too quiet 🐋”

hi bubs! i’m really sorry you feel that way. i’m sure your parents and your sister don’t mean any harm to you. i genuinely feel like they don’t know that they’re making you feel this way. i think you should maybe try talking to them about it and tell them how you feel. i’m sure they’ll listen to you. i know life can be really hard, frustrating, and not to mention stressful. i know you might feel alone but i can assure you, you’re not 🥺!!

[httpkths-deleted]

:( I hope you're okay. do you wanna talk about it? I'll send an ask off of anon if you want

;; ill just put the cliffnotes under the cut lmaoedit: i said cliffnotes and i ended up writing the entire story lol sorry ( i added screenshots if u wanna look.

lol sorry its so long. i just couldnt explain myself w/o screenshots so thats why it ended up being so long :AJKKGHSjldk)

we’ll call my lover, s/o,the person intended to be confronted, fuckwad,and the other one, shoe bc thats the only way i can say her name 

basically this fuckwad, was getting into shit w/ someone who’s 14. (who sexualises minors, yes i know shes a minor, but she also claims she’s fucked idols and shes just. oi boy) and i, being the snake i am, i wanted to just fuck with her and see what would happen. 

so its been like, a week or 2, and she has confessed to me. like 3 times, she is aware that im currently seeing someone. and that someone is her best friend, yes well, i dont feel the same way, i told my s/o that i was gonna try and see if she’d do this so i can call her out.

ok so we got that out the way. 

there was another one who called out that person, and i wanted to get her side and i wanted to thank her for keeping my s/o safe because s/o would refuse to let me get involved (i only got them to let me do it by promising to show screenshots, ik now all of this is fucked up lmao im sO SORRY), anyways so, within the first day of meeting shoe, she fucked with one of my triggers, (which sorry trigger warning here, i basically look at things to give me inspiration to self harm when im extremely upset and blaming myself for smth like now) WELl THIS bitch- (ive blocked out names & the picture for privacy sake)

so, as u can see i was jus having fun but THEN

look at me just like “no” lol if only u knew what was gonna happen past kookie

* side note, i got really fucking distressed after she left and came back randomly so towards the end youll see why i added this, but also realise i was being a dick because of that*

ok so, as u see, s/o was spamming the picture away & i was getting upset. because i was triggered. (another thing to note: this person(shoe) said they have mental illnesses and i’m not denying that, i don’t know them enough to know if they do or don’t. but i bring this up because, regardless if you find cuts & gore fascinating, you’d know not to bring that up to others. because you don’t want to be a trigger, but maybe thats just me, i cant really explain myself im sorry.) 

fuCKING HEHEHEHE. WHAT THE FUCK. THATS NOT OKAY. IF YOU SEE SOMEONE WHOS DISTRESSED YOU DONT SAY HEHEHE. What the FUCK. im fucking AJHGEIUOiJBNRwkhgiojs I HATE THIS PERSON WITH A BURNING PASSION. AND ALL I HEARD FROM MY S/O WAS THEY WERE A Gr8 PERSON AND I CALELD THEM OUT ON THAT SHIT AND THEN THEY LET THEM GO SO I GUESS I FUCKING WON THEREBUT IM ANGRY ANYWAY. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SHOULDNT BE DOING THIS BUT FUCK IT IM So MAD NOW AKJGHSJIodfIGhrusj

anyways bless my s/o for coming to my rescue. like fuck idk what i’d do w/o them in that situation. (let me also add : i have bpd and when things like this go down i tend to split (switch personalities) so after this i became rlly fucking aggressive ahahehaehah save me) 

Bossy sissy (god i cringed) - s/o made a list of rules for the chatroom to prevent things like this from happening again & they weren’t that bad they just gave the general, no gore, this is suppose to be positive. u know? ok 

It’s not bossy how abt… - i was splitting at this point, and i was trying to get my point across that it was fucking wrong. & yes im aware i did an awful job at that. 

…i have… - she was saying she has self harmed & she was sorry. and u know what? yea i realise i was too aggressive and im crying over it all over again AHAHhAAHAH 

i….. does this rlly need an explanation? like… icant really tell whos in the wrong here. her or me. but im still gonna blame myself. 

and the moment that im really crying over:::::::

now listen. im probably overreacting and you know what. youre right i am. AHAHHA

but this really fucking got to me. i dont know why but it really got my anxiety and my disorders were all over the place. 

more abt shoe that i just thought about: she’s really fucking twisted? and ungrateful? her mother is getting her help for all the shit she’s done, and she’s just like “ugh” like. no bitch, if my mom was still alive i’d ask her to find me help.

s/o has a daughter named luna, and she openly talks about her, and after hearing about luna, shoe started acting like a toddler, like she was regressed & she apparently has a thing called little syndrome which i have no idea what it is, but this really fucking angered me because i regress due to being s*xually assualted at a young age (like 10-16). so i regress to take back my childhood. i dont do it to mock other people who regress for the same reason unLIKE SOMEONE COUGHS FUCKING shOE COUGhs. 

anyways i hate shoe. 

lol 

sorry this is so long.

im gonna probably add to this as i go but u know