#anon I'm not sure this is a dissociation thing but I will still post & tag

[disassociation-culture-is]

depersonalisation culture is not being able to tell your closest family members/friends that you love them because you just… don’t… even though in theory you know you do/should

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[fictionkinfessions]

https://www.tumblr.com/fictionkinfessions/713200823185850368/also-to-go-with-that-last-ask-if-your-psychotic

This will be my last response to you ab this

1.

I do curate my experience there are just some things 100% unavoidable in some fandoms. Blocking tags isn't going to be a cure all fix all for everything. Some things are just so deeply ingrained into fandoms that you just can't avoid them without leaving the fandom space entirely which 90% of kinnies don't want to do.

Just because you're also mentally ill and have been able to separate yourself from fandom doesn't mean everyone can do that. Some of us are unable to entirely and that isn't something people can just fix magically. Especially those of us without access to proper medication.

2.

I'm once again stating, yes, you ARE being ableist. Like it or not, just because you- anon can make that separation easily doesn't mean everyone else can! And I'm so sorry to tell you this, but they don't have to? People are allowed to be upset and hurt by what people do in fandom spaces, especially regarding shipping. The characters might be fictional to everyone else, but again that's still who they were at one point. And for people who have DID/OSDD, psychotic disorders, etc, it can be very upsetting seeing that content and that's okay? I'm not saying sure go harass people over it, but people are 100% allowed to be upset and vent about it especially here or on their own blogs. Once again, not everyone has that ability to separate these things.

Those of us with DID/OSDD can be even further affected because some of us literally ARE the characters people talk about. It can be very hard to differentiate especially adding in dissociation and other traumas on top of it all.

I myself am an introject and I get severely uncomfortable when people say things about me that are untrue. It's very easy for traumatized people (especially those who have been bullied) to internalize things people say about them. And once again, especially VILLAIN KINS. I 100% curate my experience. I block users, tags, and make sure I don't follow anyone who posts content that makes me uncomfortable and sometimes it still slips through anyway! And guess what! It's still extremely upsetting!

You can't just claim "well people should curate better!" as a defense for people having ships that kinnies of those characters find uncomfortable. They're allowed to be uncomfortable. How would you feel if someone shipped a picture of you with a picture of someone else then told you that you just need to curate your experience better? You'd feel pretty shitty. That's what you're telling people anon.

Yes we are all fictional characters. But we are also kinnies and still experience emotion tied to that. Stop being ableist towards people like me who can't control the way they feel about fandoms treatment of them. Suggesting we just get over it and do better by just blocking some tags is really gross.

=

[misscammiedawn]

When you tag as #dawnposting or #cammieposting, is that like the difference between top/bottom posting? Or am I totally wrong there?

I have long feared the day I would need to explain this. I knew it would have to happen, even if I put in my quick explanation in my Masterpost.

The last time I had spoken on this topic on Twitter I got some severe anon hate for it and it did a little bit of harm to me. I would prefer not to emulate that experience. It was discomforting.

I shall post the easily digestible short version here and then a long version under readmore.

Quickly spoken, yes. That's correct. When I type from the perspective of a somft sweet morsel who yearns I am Cammie Posting. When I am posting from the perspective of someone who likes to pull hair, bite necks and listen to a partner whimper against me as my lips brush their earlobe and I order them to BEG. - That's Dawn Posting.

Then there's Camden Posting which could easily be renamed BPD Posting.

But I guess we have the long version under readmore...

So let's talk dissociative disorders and "plurality". With the caveat that I still consider myself a pwBPD with mood swings that happen to have easily definable names and behaviors.

I am no expert and though I have plural friends, I distance myself from the plural community and their resources because I refuse the label. I find it a complicated relationship and the syscourse does me more harm than any amount of external acceptance, which my brain would reject as bias, could ever do.

So... I 100% have BPD. That's TRIPLE confirmed at this point. BPD is on the dissociative disorder spectrum. It doesn't matter if you're using DES-II, MID or the interview. BPD is there.

...and therapists just... don't seem to ever give folx with BPD a test to see where they are on that spectrum for some reason? Despite Identity Disturbance and Dissociation being 2 of the 9 criteria. I suffer both. Unambiguously. That I know.

Dissociative Experience Scale rates between PTSD, cPTSD, BPD, OSDD and DID. There is so much more to these things than just "multiple personalities" (there's somatic experiences, amnesia barriers, fugue experiences and so much more) and I'm not about to go sharing my physical symptoms because it's none of anyone's business and I hide that shit from people I live with. But I am aware of the depths of this thing... even when parts of me insist otherwise.

And the cause is known, too... Regardless of where on the scale I land, I am on that scale.

So the question is. Do I count as OSDD-1 on top of or instead of my BPD? I do not know. I have expressed as much as I am able to my therapist and they are monitoring me. But they refuse to talk to me about it, likely for fear of shifting the results. I refuse to chase up on it because, plainly spoken, it near about broke me to raise the topic once. I am not going to force myself to talk about it again.

An issue with it is though that it's a covert illness and fights to keep itself hidden. 80% of the time I think I am an attention seeking monster who deserves to be exposed, hurt and exiled. I hate that I indulge in this delusion and just want my therapist to say "YOU ARE FAKING." And be done with it. Luckily I'm presently in that 20% sweet spot and intend to do everything in my power to not delete the post once shared.

So, if I am so defensive and in denial, why am I having myself checked up and utilizing tags which seem to imply I have decided I am?

...and that... is a question that most of me is still struggling with. However, the long story short is, someone I love removed my ability to run from it.

I beg indulgence in not going over the childhood stuff. The earliest signs. I cannot even tell those I trust half of these things and I surely would not care to introduce them to the zeitgeist.

What I shall say, starting in my early 20s, is that I am, as a human being, TERRIFIED of sex (I'll leave it up to your imagination as to why) and I was married in an apparently cishet relationship with an allosexual for 11 years (my journals and a surprisingly large stack of evidence suggests. I was quite aware of my transgender and asexual labels even that early, but I hid them from myself and my partner. Which--- given all I am typing, sounds familiar).

Now here comes the complicating factor that not even my therapist knows how to navigate around. The reason I don't enjoy talking about this stuff and avoid the plural community. HYPNOSIS FETISH PERSONALITY PLAY.

It is so easy to type "I have never had sex outside of an altered headspace". It's so easy to type "My first hypnotist was an abusive asshole who developed entire headspaces for me to inhabit in order to serve him and one was a demure submissive gentile girl and the other was a firm and bold dominant who was unstoppable and he kept me in those headspaces for 7+ years, programming switches to keep my "normal" self unaware of my activities." It is easy to type "I taught my wife how easily and readily my brain can and will switch into "character" headspaces and so in order to have sex with a partner who was incapable of doing it, we worked together to summon our tabletop characters from my soul for kink purposes"

It gets complicated when I try to take those things in the past and apply it to Out Of Scene stuff. It's important to bring it up. I think the fact that I have no memory of engaging in sex with my partner over the course of our 11 year marriage is a VERY IMPORTANT THING to bring up in these discussions. But it was self-inflicted. So...

To put on my educator cap for a moment, I shall remind that this is why one must practice safety when engaging in physical or psychological edgeplay and perhaps you should, as a traumatized person, avoid abusing loopholes to trick their way into doing things that regularly would cause them to completely shut down. Heavens the younger version of myself was a stupid child. But she loved her wife. She wanted to be the person that she needed to be. She was willing to literally cast herself aside in order to do that.

Now, outside of scene, well? Was I fine? Was I rigid and firm and knowing who I am?

No. I had already mentioned Identity Disturbance, remember? I have journal entries from 2003 where I say that I "play myself as a character", I have ones from 2005 where I equate the idea of a voice in my head having the scent of lavender and my mother's voice... and while dating and married I had a soft and sweet affectionate mode "Kitty". It's what she called me. The immature and silly little girl. Nothing like the firm and hard boss who existed at work where I ran a market and handled a staff. Miss Manager, as a friend referred to her as.

Then you have me. The one who has an insatiable hypnosis fetish while dealing with a fear of sex. Someone who wants too pin people down to beds and hear them whimper when the very thought of doing that elicits such shame that I collapse in on myself and try to delete my accounts. I shamefully admit I have succeeded more times than I care to count.

Incidentally the existence of journals going back to 2003 offers some mild evidence of its own. Especially the huge gaps where I had deleted chatlogs and entries and pushed things away.

Sad to say I am hardly the healthiest or most adjusted human.

It's interesting to read my journals from the era of my divorce. There are so many obvious signs of it. Moments I was in "flow state" and was the person I wanted to be for a little bit, or the moments I got a sudden rush of Power and used it to control someone I was flirting with.

Within my marriage, I was well and truly hidden and any attempt to step outside of the bounds of the relationship was to be treated internally as cheating, shameful, awful. Outside of my marriage it was freeing, liberating. It was exploration of my new found ability to interact within fetish communities, my new found comfort within my gender expression and as that comfort grew, my ability to do what I do grew.

And so ignorant of my circumstances, I, collectively, began to rely on "me" - in plural terms "Camden started wanting to be Dawn". And that isn't how any of this works. I would soon find out I couldn't just activate what, at the time, I called "Strong Mode". It doesn't just turn on when I need it to. It needs to happen naturally when the mood and vibes are right. But I was growing closer to Sleepyhead and she had a way of drawing it out of me so I was starting to get comfortable doing that. Being that. Becoming that. Not via a hypnosis scene, as would happen in my marriage, but just by intention. Internalizing that those characters were me and I am capable of doing what they do.

Incidentally I have chatlog from that abusive hypnotist who turned me into his recruitment doll. My typing style shifted when I was "in character" and it matches how I present now. Which was truly terrifying to recognize, particularly as decades had robbed from me memories of the shady depths of which he had pushed me in that arrangement.

There had been so many reactions of "wait, I could do that?" Even in the early days. I do not understand how abilities that only exist in one headspace work, but I also know I lost my ability to run a movie theatre a lot. But surely I was just tired, or distracted or having an "off" day.

Any time I was struggling against it I simply rationalized. When I ended a fun evening with my friends and realized how much of an immature and playful idiot I had been the entire night I would be flooded with shame for how I had acted. I would often complain that no one got to see who I am in an empty room because once other people are there I "turn into a completely different person"

Which, again, is just BPD. That's BPD. I'm describing BPD.

Which brings us to the Acceptance Arc, where I stop hiding behind BPD and start accepting that I may be fractured.

I had started dating Daja this year. I have enough knowledge at this point to be able to predict myself. So when setting boundaries, warnings and limits I discussed heavily and openly the bounds of my, then diagnosed, BPD and how my moods change at random.

Because the mood shifts are something I had internalized by this point. I knew that I would just become emotionally disengaged from a scene at random. I was inconsistent. Unreliable. Dare I say "broken".

I warned her that during a scene I was topping I could lose "that energy" and just disengage and that it wouldn't be her fault. It just happens.

When we met and had started play, our friendship was at least 11 years old, she took care and attention to watch me in my different "Modes" and she had not just recognized them but she could see the differences. When and where the shifts occurred. How it impacted me to be called by different names at different times.

There had been moments in the proceeding years where Sleepyhead had accidentally gotten it right and it made me giddy. Moments where I noticed myself acting "In a mood" while driving and needed to have myself "pull the breaks".

But this was the first time someone looked in my eyes, saw what was happening in my head and commented on it for me. During a scene with Dawn, Daja reached out and brushed her cheek tenderly and the emotion melted as a shift in tempo occurred and she knew before anything was said that I had "lost" myself and was in a different place now.

That weekend she paid attention and learned me in ways I honestly feel undeserving of. It seems unfair to rely that heavily on another person. But no matter my mood, no matter my manner; she SAW me. Called me by my name(s) and... suddenly I couldn't hide anymore.

How can you tell that feeling that wells in your heart when what's happening inside is what's seen outside? Up until then I just felt insane. The incongruity was just part of being alive.

When I am in a certain headspace, I am consumed by self-doubt and paranoia. I know myself to be delusional. Irrational. Manipulative. Thus I cannot trust myself and if I cannot trust myself I trust everyone else and go with their views of me. Which fits in with the BPD catalogue, anyway. I adapt to my surroundings. Become what I am perceived to be. Because I need other people to perceive me in order to be.

So... I try to mirror someone who holds a mirror to me? I can't escape what I see and what I see is contradictory and it is pleased to hear its own name and it wants things which it knows it cannot have.

...and that makes things tough. Because now here I am, slowly accepting myself as a fractured individual. Someone who compartmentalized her sexual desires vs her fear and hatred of sex. As someone who yearns to be cared for vs someone who has experienced homelessness and refuses to allow ourselves to rely on another person in order to survive. As someone who wants to push people away vs someone who wants to hold them close. As someone who wants to die vs someone who wants to live. As someone who wants to live openly and embrace the term plural vs someone who wants to repress it and reject it and hide.

I keep telling myself I am not allowed to openly "embrace" myself until I receive a diagnosis and my present therapist seems rather uninterested in exploring the possibility. They gave me a DES-II and did not even comment on the results. I feel toyed with by someone who refuses to engage or educate, as if I am stuck with a caseworker whose job is to report to insurance so I may get my surgery and medication. It is frustrating.

I use the tags because I know the joy I feel when Daja calls me by the right names. I use the tags because I do not want to feel like the actions and opinions of myself as Dawn should impact the way Cammie is perceived. I use the tags because it flies under the radar and lets me express without stating a truth. I use the tags because I like to know Daja can see me, even when I post online.

And to be honest? I wrote all of that above because I'd convinced myself no one would click the readmore and I'd be safe just pretending to be "Sub, Domme and Mentally Ill" tags.

Anyway. I shared way more than I'm comfortable with. I'll suppress the urge to delete it after I press post.

Update: Hey! I'm not ready to talk about it publicly but you'll never GUESS what I got diagnosed this year >.>;;;

[partialbirthabortion]

I agree with everything you say re disordered eating, but at the same time, I can't "intuitively" eat. I was a fussy kid and my parents tried the if you won't eat it you're not hungry tactic so I was hungry all the time as a kid, which then changed into binge eating once I could buy my own food, and I binge till I'm sick. My body doesn't get proper hunger/satiated signals anymore. So I'm someone who does need some measure to make sure I'm eating a good amount of food.

Anon, I am in no way going to pretend to be an authority on your body or your life from this single paragraph ask. I totally hear that this is probably extremely frustrating for you, especially as someone who never consciously restricted your food intake, to feel like your body is compelling you to eat to the point of physical pain and sickness. It does not feel like it could be in anyway a healthy, or reasonable behavior. It can in fact feel kind of crazymaking, and that sucks. What I am going to do is try to lay out an alternative explanation for your eating behaviors that I hope will be useful to hear and consider, regardless of whether you decide it is truthful for you; an explanation that, from the information you provided, is at least equally likely as the one you gave (improper hunger/satiated signals).

First: Imagine holding your head underwater, holding your breath. Imagine holding your breath for two minutes, three minutes, four minutes. Try doing it now, if you want. Imagine holding your breath under those big ocean waves so long that you begin to panic, that your head feels light, that your fingers start to tingle. And then imagine breaking the surface and taking those first big, deep, wonderful breaths. The air is freezing and your lungs burn as you inhale, but you do so deeply, quickly, over and over so that you can hardly think of anything else. People from the dock are calling your name and you can’t even speak, all you can do is gulp down air, no matter whether it hurts your chest to do so over and over, no matter whether you feel like you can hardly be extracting any oxygen at all from how quickly your breaths come in and out. And then imagine as you are pulled to shore, soaking wet, panting, delirious from so many minutes of vital oxygen deprivation, you are told, rather snidely, to get control of yourself and stop binge breathing.

Do you still trust that your body was right to breathe deeply? Do you believe that your intuitive breath taking, something you hardly consciously think about, was right? That the air you were breathing just then was not just to keep you standing in that moment, but to repair those too-many-minutes of damage to your screaming tissues and organs and brain?

Binge eating, probably more aptly called reactive eating is a natural consequence of starvation, and a vital adaptation to years of caloric deprivation. Binge eating is known to continue for months and even years after chronic starvation and even that’s only when the reactive eating process is allowed to occur and embraced. During the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, a World War II era experiment that put a selection of healthy adult male volunteers on semi-starvation diets (mind you, this was never less than 1500 calories a day- that was and is a starvation diet) in order to explore how best to care for the starving men, women and children liberated from concentration camps, it was discovered during the refeeding process that on less than 4000 calories per day, the subjects couldn’t even process nutrients correctly, because so much damage had been done to their bodies. The way each ate and processed food was altered for years. It’s the MSE that is foundational to evidence supported undereating recovery now. The model had to be enough calories first, diverse and quality calories as a distant, distant second. 

(It cannot be understated that during this experiment, these men went fucking crazy. Food obsessive and secretive, moody and withdrawn, dissociative. Two men experienced psychosis and one amputated three of his fingers with an axe. On 1500 calories a day. And these men were adult volunteers, participating willingly in the war effort by running on a calorie deficit for six months that would be considered paltry by today’s popular dieting suggestions, not a child running on a calorie deficit against her will for her indescribably vital formative years.)

When you eat after a period of chronic hunger, whether that is due to food insecurity, or abuse, or clinical ED, you are not just eating to break even on the energy you’ll spend that day. Your body will be begging for the energy to heal, to regrow cell walls, restore soft tissue function, remap interrupted connections within your brain, strengthen bones that were never given the proper nutrients to develop. The human body has such a wonderful, complex, miraculous to restore itself, but the truth of the matter is practically universal: enough calories first. 

Again, I am not a doctor or a specialist and my goal is not to tell you that I know your body better than you do, just to give you some things to think about. There is no harm in exploring alternative explanations and finding that they are not supported to your satisfaction, or by your experience. But it’s worth it to look. The human body is one of the most incredible feats of random chance the universe has yet to spit out- all in all, it knows what it’s doing.

I would strongly encourage you to peruse those blogs I suggested in my last ask. In particular, what @heavyweightheart (whom I borrowed my breathing metaphor from!) has to say about the MSE and binge eating as a phenomenon. @bigfatscience has a FAQ post with a thorough list of tags to peruse as well.

Sending you much love, and thank you for reaching out with your perspective!

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

👑Magicat👑Horde👑

📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍📍

First things first: This is not intended to be a discourse blog of any kind, and that will not change. If it looks like I'm going there, it's by accident and I need to unpack the emotions behind the curtains. This is a blog about having a cognitive dissociative disorder and living with it. Getting involved in anything beyond an honest and civil conversation would distract me from healing and being active in my community in the offline world. I don't want to spend my limited reserves of energy arguing with strangers online. Good faith conversations are always welcome.

I want to encourage anyone visiting my blog to send me music recommendations. Just give me a bit about why you recommend any particular song or artist/band. Tell me all about your favorites and why you enjoy what you do, in as many or as few words as you want. Language is not a barrier, genre is even less of a barrier. I want to explore the whole world through music. Just no hate on marginalized people, and we should be good.

Ask Me Anything about my disabilities and path of recovery. This includes Trigeminal Neuralgia, DID, and ADHD, plus other consequences from them and my trauma. Open indefinitely. Responses may take time, now that I'm back in classes and working on my history degree (currently: associate's).

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

Welcome to the Magicat Horde, we are Legion, also known in real life as Cari. Call us whatever, we don't really mind. We're an actively recovering polyfragmented DID system with more issues than Marvel and DC comics combined. Feel absolutely free to ask us things or send whatever fun stuff, anon is on if you prefer it that way. The idea of this blog is really just individual parts expressing themselves more, and being as weird as we want to be within the relative safety of an personal blog. This is going to be both silly and personal at various points.

This post, below the cut, serves as an introduction to many of our known alters in the system. This list isn't really chronological, but more based on general activity levels and otherwise influential aspects. This will also be continually updated as things go, both for more accuracy and new parts. It's mostly because I have a history of splitting new parts at almost the drop of a hat from living in a state of constant stress until the last few years (2021 on). That said, there is also a selection of alters that are not comfortable being listed or referred to. This is often due to their sources, where they're still putting together a new sense of self they're at peace with.

Also keep in mind that I'm legally an adult in my early 30s. I will tag my stuff to the best of my ability, especially if my topic is more mature, but I'm not going to censor my experiences. And those do get extremely traumatic. Filter what you need to (foster care, face pain, self harm, vent tags, (Christian) cult tags, new age bullshit, etc). And a lot of my healing has also involved sexual liberation, so I try to make sure that's properly tagged.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Occasionally we still have moments of open mouth, insert foot. I think that's true of everyone at some point. I will always try to own up to my mistakes. Just talk to me because otherwise I may not see it right away. And that's honestly worse.

I'm historically socially awkward and still kind of figuring out the finer points of interacting with other people. I didn't get a lot of very good socialization in my early childhood. A lot of my childhood was spent in very rural communities (one was literally the middle of nowhere, not even a village), as well as being generally socially isolated from my peers. So all I ask is you be polite and respect that people are not perfect. Purity culture is a bunch of toxic nonsense and I'm not going to tolerate it.

I also don't tolerate bigots. Bigotry is my main DNI. I don't believe in being a jerk to people just because they're different. You will be told to basically fuck off. You can also just go ahead and fuck off without saying anything if you want to try claiming I'm faking any of this. I literally don't have the patience for it. This entire blog is colorful and fun because it's the only way half the shit I deal with doesn't just completely wreck my psyche. One of the best cures for pain is having as much fun you can. If you have a problem with that, you can always leave.

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫

If you're interested, we do have other social media. You can find us at LunarMageSilverRose on Instagram, same username on Threads. We share whatever there sporadically, kind of like a photo journal. We've also begun writing poetry again, and have started sharing it over there, which is increasing my post frequency lately. We are pretty consistently on the app because we follow a bunch of cat/animal accounts for the warm fuzzy feelings they give us, though.

We follow from @lmsr-lilitu-sephiroth Other sideblogs are exactly what they say on the tin. @magicclanofcats @magicatbirdwatchers @magicatsloveallcreatures @magicatfloramode @magicatartgallery @magicatshinycollection @magicatmusiccollection @magicatfoodieworld @magicatfashionwatch @magicathauntednest @magicatadorespokemon @magicatevilious @magicatkingdomhearts @magicattarotresource @magicathordeofwritingtips @magicatartstuffdump @magicatdivineshitpostcollection @drone-unit8454 (this is not to be made into anything but a fun roleplay; do not expect this to be a sexual thing; please read the pinned post for further details if you're curious) @leatherlaceandrope (this is my NSFW sideblog where I have fun with kinky adult stuff; it goes without saying that if you're under the age of eighteen, stay away; just wait until you're legally an adult I promise there are other things for you to do)

Small thing before we get to the actual list of parts/alters, though: United Workers is a Maryland state grassroots human rights organization based in Baltimore. These are the folks who have supported me in the last few years that allowed me to heal even more. They've helped me find the strength to make my life happier and get back on my feet. We've also launched our Right to Health campaign, the right of everyone to good health and affordable medical care. Please consider supporting us however you can.

If you want to support me directly, you can send money to me through PayPal and Cashapp. I sincerely appreciate any money sent my way.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷

Lilu 🫐😺

Fae, ice/fairy type, dragon tera Male-He/him/his, it/its The Goofus Avatar

Avery 🧄😹

Demon, dark/fire type, fairy type Male-It/its Lord of Shenanigans

Rhodes 🗝️😻

Android fae, dark/electric type, fairy tera Male-He/him/his, it/its Avatar of Chaos

Quentin ☄️😺

Demon, dark/fairy type, fire tera Male-It/its Guardian of the Void

Maxie 🥩😺

Vampire, dark/fire type, psychic tera Male-He/him/his Guardian of Seasons

Caelienn 🌹😼

Vampire, psychic/dark type, ice tera Bigender-She/her/hers, he/him/his Avatar of Autumn

Aster ⏲️😸

Angel, psychic/ice type, poison tera Female-She/her/hers The Clockworker

Luna 🍋😹

Angel, psychic/fairy type, ghost tera Agender-It/its, he/him/his Guardian of Spacetime

Katlin 🌾😺

Demon, bug/ghost type, grass tera Female-They/them/theirs The Wild Gardener

Tate 🧃😺

Undead fae, dark/fairy type ghost tera Male-He/him/his The Undead Unicorn

Skylar 🌂😺

Elf, electric/dragon type, ghost tera Male-He/him/his Chaos Incarnate

Banica 🍷😻

Demon, dark/psychic type, ghost tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of the Graveyard

Blake 🧭😺

Vampire, fighting/dark type, fighting tera Male-He/him/his Avatar of Summer

Catra 🧨😻

Feline, dark/fighting type, psychic tera Male-He/him/his Lord of Cats

Viole 🌀😺

Fae, fighting/water type, dragon tera Male-He/him/his Errand Manager

Scarlet 🪦😺

Demon, dark/poison type, steel tera Female-She/her/hers Avatar of Winter

Rae 🕯️😺

Vampire, psychic/fire type, ghost tera Female-She/her/hers High Priestess

Izzy 💻😺

Data, electric/steel type, ghost tera Male-He/him/his Guardian of the Digital World

Circe 🧿😺

Hylian, psychic/grass type, fairly tera Female-She/her/hers Nursery Guardian

Link 🕹️😺

Hylian, fighting/steel type, psychic tera Male-He/him/his Guardian of the Dark World

Agatha ⚙️😺

Human, steel/electric type, psychic tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of Robots

Seraph ⏳😺

Angel, psychic/steel type, fairy tera Female-She/her/hers Ringmaster

John 🥤😺

Human, fighting/rock type, poison tera Male-He/him/his Arcade Manager

Remmy 🧳😺

Storm fae, electric/water type, fairy tera Female-She/her/hers Lord of Clouds

Arco ☕😺

Human, fighting/psychic type, normal tera Male-He/him/his Coffee Master

Camilla 🍀😺

Vampire, psychic/grass type, dark tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of the Forest

Simon 🎙️😺

Human, normal/steel type, psychic tera Male-He/him/his Commentary Management

Sable 🍄😺

Mutant, fighting/poison type, dark tera Nonbinary–They/them/theirs The Cursed Jester

Noah 🧪😺

Human, steel/dark type, poison tera Male–He/him/his Head researcher

Neo 💀😺

Undead, dark/ghost type, dark tera Male-He/him/his The Undead Prince

Weaver 🕸️😺

Elf, dark/psychic type, poison tera Female- She/her/hers The Dark Mother

Rex 🎭😺

Half-blank, ghost/fighting type, dark tera Male-He/him/his Prince of Nobodies

Lyss 🪙😺

Changeling, fairy/fighting type, ghost tera Female-She/her/hers Avatar of Spring

Bell 🥭😺

Blank, ghost/fairy type, fighting tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of Nobodies

Lungs 🎲😺

Human, electric/fighting type, steel tera Male-He/him/his Guardian of the Library

Irina 🔪😺

Doll, dark/fairy type, fire tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of the Court

Nemona 👾😺

Serpent, fighting/poison type, dragon tera Nonbinary-They/them/theirs Pro Pokémon Trainer

Amelia ⚔️😺

Storm fae, grass/electric type, steel tera Female-She/her/hers Eldritch Guardian

Elo 📜😺

Earth fae, grass/ground type, psychic tera Nonbinary-They/them/theirs Greenhouse Keeper

Lapis 🐦😺

Human-ish, ghost/psychic type, fairy tera Female-She/her/hers The Dark Lord

Enoch 🍁😺

Vampire, psychic/steel type, ghost tera Male-He/him/his Lord of Pillows

Jay 🎱😺

Human, psychic/dragon type, fighting tera Male-He/him/his The Defiant Battlemage

Hector 🎯😺

Vampire, fighting/ice type, psychic tera Male-He/him/his Café Manager

Kay 🩸😺

Human, psychic/dark type, fighting tera Male-He/him/his Café Maid

Eyes 🌸😺

Demon, psychic/steel type, fighting tera Male-He/him/his Guardian of Demons

Julian 🥟😺

Human, fighting/poison type, fairy tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of the Carnival

Val 🍰😺

Vampire, fighting/fire type, electric tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of the Otherworld

Altera 🍑😺

Human, ghost/normal type, ice tera Female-She/her/hers Princess of Cards

Vi 🌷😺

Werewolf, steel/rock type, psychic tera Female-She/her/hers Guardian of Pillows

Aria 🪭😺

Android, psychic/poison type, dark tera Agender-She/her/hers, it/its System Server Host

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Oh, surprise!

You scrolled through the whole post. For that alone, you get another song! I'm literally a Pokémon super fan. It was one of the few constants growing up, no matter where I was living. I've been enjoying the franchise since the very early Kanto days, and I don't plan to stop, ever.

Music is also like blood to me. Or air. It's in my DNA and I literally cannot be without it. It helps me ground myself. So this is also totally an excuse to express my love of it.

I drove two uncles nuts with this song (Shimmy, Shimmy, Ko-Ko-Bop) when I was little. I was in the dining room on Grandma's old, old computer playing computer games. The adults were in the kitchen playing, or watching, Magic The Gathering. I was entirely oblivious to anything outside of the pre-installed space arcade game I was having fun with and my CDs.

Seriously, though, my parents supplied all the music I could ever want. It was largely either country, rock, or soundtrack, but Dad has always been extremely eclectic (jazz, blues, classical, just about whatever). His favorite thing to say about it is ‘Bach to rock’. Mom used to make CDs for me from music they collected on her computer, through middle and high school. I also treasure the CDs given to me by friends in particular. Sometimes they straight up gave me the CD, and other times, they made me a copy.

I wish I was immortal largely just for the music of the future, as long as people are making it. I seek and desire to create beauty around me. And if art is how you decorate space, music is how you decorate time.

[mentalillnessmouse]

I can't stop dissociating and really want to go to therapy. It's preventing me from sleeping normally which makes me more emotional. I'm concerned all they're going to do for me is suggest mindfulness/grounding techniques. They work for a lot of people but they make it so so so unbelievably worse and I just end up spiraling more. Do you think a therapist would be able to help me? (please tag 315 so I can find your response)

Dissociation 

Hi anon,

Although mindfulness may be suggested in therapy, I’m sure if you explained this, they’d help you to find alternative coping mechanisms that don’t worsen your dissociation. 

I actually had this problem too. I struggle a lot with dissociation and when I tried mindfulness, I found that it exacerbated it. When I explained this to my therapist, they helped me to develop coping techniques that didn’t worsen my dissociation. In my experience mindfulness and grounding techniques were only a small part of therapy. They gave me suggestions on coping techniques to use in and outside of therapy, but I was never forced to use a particular method. Plus, there are various different types of therapy and the varies types will have different approaches. So, if you’re open to therapy, I wouldn’t let the concern about mindfulness stop you from seeking it. Therapy can be really helpful and you could still benefit from it a lot, without utilising mindfulness techniques. I will put some resources on therapy below that may be helpful to you.

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Getting & talking to a therapist

This post on picking a therapist has some great tips.

This is a step by step on getting a therapist & A beginner’s guide to starting therapy

Psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or counsellor?

What should happen in a session

7 things to do during your first therapy appointment

5 Tips on how to talk about yourself in therapy

21 Tips for getting the most out of each therapy session

6 Ways to open up to your therapist

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All the best,

Dee