#anon!!!!!!!!!! i am sending you buckets of love!!!

[pseudowho]

RIP, Nanami’s favorite mug 😭

Seriously, Haitch, I don’t know how you do it time and time again, but that was another piece of brilliant writing! You have a gift for making everyday moments seem so special.

I can’t help but agree with what an anon said the other day — I’ve come to see your writing as a peek into your life with Mr. Haitch and wonder just how much filled it is with love that it spills into how you write.

Please don’t stop writing. Ever. It’s my happy place 🥹

Sending you buckets of love! xx

Honestly, while I write these fics very much with Nanami Kento in mind, marriage experience bleeds into my fics, and lends itself to the soft, natural, organic love that has matured into something intensely intimate. I like to think, anyway.

Writing it comes naturally to me because I live it, and I recognise how fortunate I am for that. The love does spill over. I imagine the reader loving Nanami and Nanami loving the reader, like this.

I'm so glad you loved it. Papamin has a really distinct part of my soul. With @mrhaitch's job now being educating troubled young teenagers, and almost all boys, it adds another element to this too.

☝️ 'the talk' catching Yuuji off guard like

If you'd like to read about Nanami Kento giving Yuuji 'the talk', please find it here! My latest Papamin fic, the first in a while!

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[cruyuu]

Just saw the leaks of the new chapter and.....well, this is it for me then

Hi anon!

I was holding myself back (desperately) from taking a look. In fact, I really wanted to stop looking at leaks and wait for one chapter normally but once my friend started spamming me and I saw the messages...

I'll put everything behind the cut for those who do not wish to be spoiled. Let's just say that I'm moved. Gege killed me.

Ok, so. Wow. I don't know where to start lmfao.

I was doubtful, anon. I was so, so doubtful how this story is progressing and what the hell was even happening. In fact, I also made peace with the fact that maybe whatever the hell was happening between Yuuji and Sukuna was never going to be addressed (because, oh well, who cares), Sukuna will kick the bucket and Yuuji won't even look at him, etc.

Only for Gege to deliver everything I was hoping for.

I don't know why some Sukuna fans are disappointed by this chapter. Yes, he is put in a pathetic position, despite practically carrying the narrative on his back and being this incredible villain but "looking cool" and "being powerful" had consequences in this manga (points at Gojo).

I, as a Sukuna fan, am not dissatisfied because I love him whether he's cool or pathetic. Tbh, I'm really happy! because I always believed that both of them were pretending and that it was about damn time the masks fell. It was about damn time these two saw each other for who they truly were.

And Yuuji accepted him!!! He said "lets try one more time", not "go rot in hell". He broke the cycle because he had grown to understand him. Not hate, but love. Accepting. Empathetic. Being everything no one in this narrative was able to give to Sukuna and therefore failed in reaching him.

Now, on the other hand, this was also the final proof I needed for my theory that these two were always twins (that the uncle/nephew through reincarnation was just a lie because, again, this never got mentioned again and is barely given relevance) but because Sukuna had rejected such fate, Yuuji didn't get born alongside him, but got born in a totally different era. By eating his twin- stealing Yuuji's fate- Sukuna got born in the wrong era (the era of peace) while Yuuji got thrown into the hell that is the modern world (and he has Sukuna to thank for that). They practically switched destinies (hence why Yuuji talks about matters of chance) and are both living at the wrong time, yet living at the wrong time had gotten them to this point, where both got what they wished for. Sukuna - strength. Yuuji - company.

The way the narrative did a very clever switch is also lowkey messing me up. Considering Sukuna is Yuuji (what Yuuji tells Sukuna), then their personalities are basically switched. They're true reflections of each other- Sukuna shows who Yuuji is, and Yuuji shows who Sukuna is. It's Sukuna who wanted company while Yuuji wanted strength.

This explains their contradicting behavior. How Sukuna understands love yet says it's worthless (but never elaborates) and also explains how Yuuji was incredibly strong in his youth, why he couldn't understand why his grandfather is choosing euthanasia (if he cared for others viewpoints, he would've known why) and why he's constantly shouting "it should be me" yet constantly sending people to death and not killing himself.

And yes, I know this isn't confirmed but atp it's pretty believable more so than the uncle/nephew thing.

Yuuji sees Sukuna in such a state and doesn't mock him, doesn't hate him and as someone who expected Yuuji to just straight up start laughing at him (because I know how severely Sukuna is hated by this fandom and this is what the fans were expecting) this was already a big win for me. An even bigger win was Yuuji telling him to try one more time. Hell, he says "even if no one accepts you, I will live on with you"! Hello!?!!??!!!!?!? That's practically pure love right there. Seeing him like this and yet still accepting him... that's actually really deep. If it was anyone else in Yuuji's shoes, they wouldn't act that way. (Hell, just look at this fandom itself. People love ideas, but close their eyes to the truth. They love power, but once that power is gone, they're quick to jump ship and escape or think "That can't be right".)

I love this chapter truly because I always had an inkling Sukuna was projecting this entire time, as was Yuuji. There's a reason, after all, why he escaped from him and looked for a "better vessel" and why Yuuji was putting on a front this entire time (about being caring and living for every single moment) while at the same time willing to eat a finger (like it was no biggie), eat his half-brothers and "want to die" yet not die.

And now the truth is exposed? Sukuna is Yuuji. Yuuji is Sukuna. They've inverted their destinies, fulfilled their dreams (Yuuji had come to connect with people finally, Sukuna had come to achieve incredible strength and not be a weakling), and finally managed to understand each other. Sukuna understood how Yuuji felt all this time and Yuuji had grown to understand how Sukuna felt all this time and why he's telling him this in the first place.

It's genuinely beautiful.

Even if the "we were twins" theory of mine is debunked, them not being twins just adds even more beauty to this. They didn't need to be born together to understand each other. Hell, if they were born like that, the fate which would've awaited them would probably be similar to what happened with Maki and Mai.

Yet they were different. They survived.

[according2thelore]

Ok. First of, I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FICS!!!!!!

Every single one of them is so crazy good!!! (Curretly reading the heaven verse and house song right now!!!!)

But my number one fic has got to be "swallow my breath and take what is mine." I think i re-read it over 3 times now throughout this week!

Have you ever thought about any scenario where Dean does become a monster? (i.e. Vampire, werewolf, etc.) ?

hi, anon!

thank you so much!!!! i hope you enjoyed the heaven verse and house song--those are two of the fics i'm most proud of! :)

and omg! thank you so much!! i know charlotte and i had an absolute blast putting that together for WW flash september! her art for that is spectacular if you haven't seen it! [linked here!!]

ohohoh boy have it!

and in fact, sam has told us EXACTLY what he'd do if that happened. he'd hunt people down and bring them to dean for him to kill, lmao.

as evidenced in "faith" (S1E12), "mystery spot" (S3E11), and "time is on my side" (S3E15) just to name a FEW, sam has exponentially reduced fucks to give and/or morals when it comes to non-dean lives.

i think sam would first have to convince dean not to put a bullet in his brain (or stake in his chest, or etc.), but the second he did, all bets are off.

dean's morality has always been pretty black-and-white when it comes to monsters, with sam having to force grey into his perspective (e.g., "roadkill" (S2E16)). so for dean, he is Evil now. his life is Over because he is Evil.

dean's first concern would definitely be sam's safety. sam would probably have to straight up sit on him or tackle him to the ground to get it into dean's head that he's not going anywhere.

i think sam would try to get him on a little schedule or something equally silly to get dean acting normally again. dean is very much "I am Cursed And Evil" until a vampire hunt finds them and when something tackles sam out of the darkness dean has their head ripped off and sam a mile away in 13.9 seconds. then he's like "...hold on...what if i can Be Good Again? Much To Think About."

what's fun for me about sam and dean is that dean immediately martyrs himself when sam is in danger, but (kinda) draws the line at other people. if sam is in danger, dean's going to ditch your ass, but he's not going to actively going to start picking off civilians. sam absolutely is. dean takes all of his blame and anger inwards with bursts of fury on inanimate objects (e.g., the car, the motel room, etc.)(in later seasons, this changes), but sam straight up is like "yes okay i am going to become strong enough to start beheading people with my mind" which is like...okay!! sure!

sam's solution when dean is dying (not even dead mind you!) is to start murdering healthy, young civilians every few years to get new organs and limbs. for the both of them <3 aw <33

if dean's a vampire, sam is walking into a different blood bank every thursday with an apologetic, abashed smile on his face and an automatic rifle in his right hand. (or, they access the sex offender registry for kansas and start shopping.)

if dean's something that requires more "upkeep," like a rugaru, the most sam will do to keep others safe is find people that 'deserve' to get their flesh ripped from their bones like a kfc jumbo bucket.

(and one time, dear reader, he finds out their target isn't going to be where they think he is and dean--shaking and sweating and about to be ill all over his shoes--wants to call it off. sam says he's going to do a perimeter walk but breaks into this guy's house to send him running and hunts him through the streets until he's right in dean's line of sight and dean's hunger will take over.)

sam doesn't even really see it as "wrong." is it bad? yes. but it's bad in a "oh no, i fell and scraped my hands to prevent hitting my head on the sidewalk" kind of bad. painful and unfortunate, but a relief to the alternative.

personally, anon, i am partial to dean being a werewolf. i think it jives with his sudden bouts of violence, his two-person-pack mentality with sam, his intense possessiveness over his possessions, and his hedonism.

plus, his narrative function as the heart is ironic, now, because he eats hearts. c'mon. it's funny!

plus, i think this is the one dean could stand the most to not kill himself immediately for, because it's relatively controllable. they only turn on a full moon or when they feel threatened (the lore is not consistent), and in the bunker, they have a full-tilt dungeon with chains and cages galore.

on the lighthearted end: werewolf!dean's eye twitching when sam returns from a hookup because he smells like lube and chemical perfume and dean tries to be Very Cool about it, but his nose keeps scrunching. dean insists on doing all of the laundry from here on out and sam finds him in a laundromat pulling their clean clothes out of the dryer and rubbing them against his neck and sniffing to see if it's satisfactory before folding them.

werewolf!dean packing away three hamburgers and sam gives him a disgusted look and dean says "what? my lycanthropic arteries can't handle red meat? you can't say shit" and sam rolls his eyes. werewolf!dean who can now lift a car over his head and won't let sam forget it. werewolf!dean who can basically sniff out their targets in hunts.

werewolf!dean who can smell when sam gets turned on. werewolf!dean who escapes one night and wakes up in the middle of the woods goddamn terrified that he had to have killed sam to get here, but sam is running after him because full-wolf dean tackled him to the ground and sniffed him long and hard and clamped his jaws gently around sam's shoulder before breaking through the dungeon doors and leaving him--panting--behind. werewolf!dean who now has impossible stamina and sam encourages dean to keep going even though he's already fucked sam to three orgasms and sam is half-unconscious, pressing dean closer.

werewolf!dean who is hotter than hell now, but wakes up immediately if sam shifts out of the loop of his arms.

werewolf!dean who can't walk away from the meat section of the grocery store and brings home lamb chops and--confused and scowling--puts them down in front of sam who doesn't eat meat most days. "do you like it?" dean asks, confused. sam, equally confused, goes "uh. yeah. sure." and dean practically melts against the ground like "thank fuck. i don't know what the hell's happening." werewolf!dean who snaps and claws at his restraints every full moon but if he ever breaks out just kind of sniffs around sam, drags him decapitated deer with a proud, lolling tongue, or watches him with big, eeriely human eyes.

werewolf!dean who can't relax until he gets a face in the curve of sam's neck, nose full of pack and home and sam and safe.

distantly--way down the road--i think dean would come to the choking, horrifying revelation that he doesn't get to go to heaven with sam anymore. he'll never see dad or ellen or jo or bobby again.

if this is post-S8, then dean is grim-dirty-stonefaced about having to go back to purgatory again. forever, this time. he pissed off a fucking lot of monsters since then, not to mention all the enemies he made while there. would he even still have an ally in benny after what he did--not to mention if he's a werewolf now?

sam, of course, has this realization as well, and swears to find a cure or join dean right there in purgatory. he only went the one time, but if that's where dean's going, sam's packing a fucking bag. he'll build them a fucking house out of vampire femurs.

-lizzy

(ps, i'm sorry for the late reply!! thank you so so much for being patient with me! <3)

[the link to "swallow my breath and take what is mine" for those interested!] [and the vampire!sam fic i wrote]

[twopoppies]

https://www.tumblr.com/twopoppies/765956041609560064/harry-and-louis-are-so-damn-lucky-to-have

I love you gina, am not saying for the sake of it but i admire a lot of qualities in you.. i don’t think its easy when people are being so anxious about HL relationship,, you are patient most of the time and you step back when it overwhelms you and with recent liam news, it was not easy for any of us and you tried to be there for fans consoling them as much as you can..

Your friends are really lucky to have you and there are days when i envied people from fandom whom you know personally and are friends with because i know for a fact that i won’t be part if that inner group…

Your unwavering faith in HL relationship is amazing to see, i hope they’re as much in love as we believe!!!

Sending you buckets of love, anon. This is such a sweet, kind message. Thank you, thank you. 💗💗💗

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

hello

i’m Oakley (or Bucket if you’d like) and i use he/him

i’m kinda just a dude on here

i reblog stuff from jrwi, hermitcraft, the life series, empires smp, rats smp, honestly anything you can think of that’s adjacent to hermitcraft, but what i’m really known for are my low effort shit posts. on a good day i can pop like fifteen of those out, each with two to five notes

um also i feel like i should say that i am definitely completely normal about skizzleman definitely

so anyway, stay if you’d like, honestly i don’t really care, unless you’re a cool mutual in law in which case i am super cool and awesome and you should totally follow me back :]

tagging system under the cut

edit: uh i actually started making an au! i don’t have a name for it yet so i’m kinda just using #insert au tag here for now lol. it’s a superhero au based on the seventh session of wild life and i’m really enjoying making it. just thought i’d put that before the cut so it doesn’t get hidden :]

now that i’m thinking about it it’s atrocious but i don’t really care enough to fix it unprompted so if you do care feel free to send me an ask about it (anon is always there if you need it)

#shouting into the void - id like to say this is my text tag but i really just use this whenever i make a post and it doesn’t contain art or an ask. under this you’ll find pretty much any kind of post under the sun as well as some pretty good shit posts buried under other not so good shit post

#showing the void my art - this would be my art tag, if i ever used it. please picture it covered in cob webs. under here are some of my doodles and now that i’m thinking about it i could probably tag my knitting progress under this as well

#the void talks back - this is my ask tag. under here is pretty much a bunch of me hanging out with my friends on here

and now for my less official tags that you still might want to know

#red dungeon - i play in a dnd campaign with a couple people on here. this is a communal tag for the campaign, so not just an original thing for me. not everything related to the campaign is tagged under this, it’s really just some more recent official posts

and speaking of…

#radio doe - this is my character for said campaign. like the other tag there’s not a whole lot under this but it’s there if you’d like to see it. also feel free to ask me about her or the campaign, i’d love to talk about it

um i also have another oc tagged with the ‘unwitness protection program’ if you’d like to go hunt for that but it’s really not properly tagged with anything

um also if like to say that i am very socially awkward so just uh yeah

if i interact with you and i seem a bit weird or off putting that’s probably why

semi related to that, sometimes i experience something i call ‘running out of words’ where i just am too tired to properly word things. sometimes that will take the form of mentioning things seemingly out of the blue or things that may seem kinda jarring to the conversation, some times that will take the form of just not talking at all or not having the words to express what i’m thinking. it’s just a thing that happens with me sometimes

uh i think that’s it

enjoy your stay i guess

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Hey! This is Anon from the "love OC's ask". I just wanted to thank you for defending the OC's from idtiots on internet. Like the post Amor made about Scarecrow's work still being used was such fun thing to read. To have someone call it cringe just because they add something about they OC in regard to the post is upsetting. They even added warning before OC part so people can skip it! I adore Amor headcanons either they are about Jonathan or her OC and relationships with them. But why do you think Scarecrow has such toxic part of fanbase? Like they even don't acknowledge his "canonical" comic partners. Like Sherry Squires was big part of Masters of fear! Jonathan or Linda Friitawa and her relationship with Scarebeast! Jonathan? Why are some people so mad that Jonathan has a partner, be it canonical, OC or self insert?

Misogyny and fetishization is your answer, as mentioned in a previous ask. This isn't just Scarecrow, it's any and all shippable male characters. If given the choice between shipping two males who (more often than not) never interact / absolutely hate each other, or shipping a canon male/female ship, they're gonna ship the gay stuff.

Look, I have absolutely nothing against shipping an lgbtqia+ pair, but don't think you're being sneaky when you very obviously ignore or erase canon in any capacity to make your ship work. Note, this isn't just a problem in the rogues fandom, it's ALL fandoms. (it can also be said that erasing a characters culture or skin tone falls into the same bucket of oh fuck no. Ever see people complain about Damian Wayne being drawn to look white? It's a real issue; and not just in comics)

This is a multifaceted issue. The majority of pop culture is straight and white. Obviously we're getting better. I see more gay ships in popular shows, I see more non-white characters with real stories and lives that aren't used for a racist joke ala family guy

I totally get wanting to explore dynamics of different ships, or shipping what you as a person are attracted to. That is always OKAY. Wanting to see yourself as the hero, for example, is okay. Characters like Tiana did SO MUCH for children who previously didn't see themselves as a disney princess.

Let it be known, your average gay male ship isn't an issue. Nor are most fandoms or people in said fandoms. Most people genuinely just ship for fun. Many are multi shippers. Many have m/f and m/m and that's being really general and not mentioning trans ships!

Its when very loud minority send death threats and tell others to commit suicide because they're shipping a female presenting self insert with a popular male character in a fandom dominated by a certain gay ship.I was once told in an anon ask that I should give up talking about my OC because why would Scarecrow love her when he has Riddler? Riddler is SO MUCH better, nobody cares about my stupid OC!

That's not why I stopped, but it didn't help

Not only that, but men in general greatly dislike popular female characters, not so much for shipping reasons but because they can't imagine a world were men are not in the spotlight. And then there's the problem of straight women blatantly creating fetish content about gay men.

it's a huge can of worms, there's so many strings attached to this issue. I honestly don't know if I am giving the problem justice.

[yichens]

Top 5 bl scenes (regardless of feelings about the overall bl, though obviously that can influence your opinion on a scene) :))

oh anon you really wish me to die? is that it? bc this is so unfair! but i tried my best. these are totally influenced by my feelings about the series as a whole, sorry about that.

-

My Top 5 2023 BL Scenes

I. Mork's Gay PanicTM (Last Twilight)

i have NEVER seen a character show such intense gay panic as mork is showing in this scene. man was shaking, screaming on the inside, blushing, looking, looking away, and looking again. he was DYING and he needed to take a deep breath to get through it all while i was holding my own breath for him. literally 10/10 execution from jimmy and sea. pure perfection. such a good scene.

II. The Proposal (Our Skyy 2 x 1000 Stars)

i'm pretty sure no proposal will ever top this for me (unless last twilight does something absolutely insane but that's to be seen). it was just so perfect for phuphatian. it was them, looked like them, felt like them. it was about finding the last missing star like it always is. i cried a bucket. i still tear up when i think about it. p'aof you truly are magic ♥

III. Jaewon's return (The Eighth Sense)

this scene is filled with so much love and joy and acceptance it leaves me breathless. it's a very beautiful and healing scene. after everything, these two deserved this. i also love the playfulness and intimacy of the lighting and setting. there's just something about lying on a bed like this with your partner, in the dark, safe from the world and reality.

IV. Yai's drunken confession (I Feel You Linger in the Air)

i know this is a very cliché scene but there is something so delicious about yai confessing his feelings while drunk. they've played this game for a while, a game of hesitant looks and touches, and then something finally gives. you hold your breath while watching the scene unfold. yai is bearing his heart and you fear jom cannot see it, but he surprises you by getting it right away. they're so sweet it hurts. they should get more time.

V. Heart speaks (Moonlight Chicken)

these two were always so uncomplicated amongst the chaos of moonlight chicken. their love was young and sweet and innocent. and so was their joy; easy and full of childish excitement. i love this scene for how pure it is, how filled with happiness and love. it's peak romance, peak heartliming. and one of my favourite scenes bc it fills me with so much warmth.

Bonus: WaiKorn's groundbreaking comeback

technically not a bl scene but heck, you cannot convince me it isn't. this is The biggest comeback of the century, hands down. p'aof didn't come out to play when he decided to serve us this during our skyy 2. this healed me, watered my crops, cleared my skin, fed my whole family, and left me with a grand inheritance. i am forever grateful. the brainrot will never end.

-

i have probably forgotten like a million very important scenes that should be here but these were the ones my brain provided me with tonight. thank you for sending this ask! i hope you enjoyed reading this ^^

[angelmush]

hi molly, you inspire me so much, thank you for being you. im about to move to a new city by myself for the first time and im scared. how did you build your life into one you loved? how do i meet people? i want so many things but sometimes they seem so far out of reach!! anyway, wishing you well and it always makes me happy to come visit your page and see you living life so fully :)

hello sweet anon!! sorry i am just getting to this, i was out of town for a few days and have been pretty offline in general lately. to be honest, i feel really really really underqualified to answer any questions about meeting people and making friends, as it is something that has never come easily to me, but i will do my best because i am SO excited for you!! moving somewhere new can be really healing!! i also want to gently remind you that social media-- even tumbr --is a highlight reel.

building my life into one i loved.

i think it's a few things.

it's a skill to find excitement about small things. delicious meals, nice weather, cute animals. being intentional about noticing and allowing yourself to feel excited about the little stuff does some kind of magic in your brain, and in appreciating your life in general. i am not naturally gifted at this whatsoever, but it's a muscle that takes practice to build, like anything.

i also dedicate a LOT of my free time to hobbies. right now it's mostly knitting, but often it's cooking and training my dog as well. watching movies and talking about them with people. spending time decorating the house. i'm very very very much a homebody, often to my detriment. it is monumentally difficult for me to take the first steps to leave the house to do things, even fun things, but once i do i am almost always better for it.

one sort of silly way i have helped to mitigate this, is that my girlfriend and i have started making seasonal bucket lists and magnetizing them onto our fridge. it turns it into sort of a game i guess, and it makes me feel accomplished to cross things off. we did really really well with ours this summer! we have three sections, small things (make smoothies, try a new dinner recipe, make a playlist), medium things (take the dog to the lake, see a movie in the theater, have drinks on a patio), and large things (go camping, go to pride, celebrate my birthday), etc. we just made our fall/winter one and i'm already sooooo excited for it!! it helped me to have a reason to leave the house while we were still getting our bearings in this new city.

i also have limited my social media time more recently on all apps except tumblr and pinterest to 15 minutes per day total. this helps me feel so much less frantic and it's easier for me to stay present than it used to be.

i also started taking medication! it's been a really big piece of the puzzle for me, personally. it helps my baseline be significantly more resilient and regulated and stable. it isn't a singular fix, but it opens up more space for that joy.

as far as meeting people goes, i will let you know when i figure it out LOL. im someone that needs a lot of quiet alone time to function and so i spend a lot of time with myself. i am still learning how to make the bridge from casual friends to a deeper and more meaningful friendship with the people ive met since moving here last august, and it's been a very clumsy imperfect process.

i'm sure this probably wasn't all that helpful haha it felt disjointed to write, and like i said, i am severely underqualified to give advice on this topic. but these are a handful of things i think have helped me in the last year, so hopefully there's something you can take from it!! wishing you all the luck and joy and wonder on your endeavors!! you can send me an ask anytime!! <33

[silverskull]

Chenford + UC school + Noah

&Chenford + noah is just a friend

&Chenford + Tim gets jealous of Noah

&Chenford + Chris finds out Lucy is with Tim 💕

This fic is for the most wonderful anon/anons on Tumblr who persistently pepper my ask box with fic suggestions. Whether you are one person or many, you make me so happy. To think that there's someone out there who is actively enticing me to write is the strangest sort of good feeling, and I love you, nonnie.

I actually wasn't very enthusiastic about the whole Noah and Chris and Tim thing, but when I started to combine the suggestions with one another, it came out as something I wasn't expecting. I hope you don't feel cheated, and more importantly, I hope you enjoy. 💖 (5000 word fic in full below, but a kudos or comment on AO3 is always much appreciated, as are rebloggios!)

“Wuh-oh.”

Lucy spun quickly on her heel, the handcuffs on her duty belt clanking in protest as she turned and smashed directly into the solid wall of Sergeant Grey’s chest. 

Grey sighed, pushing her back gently and dusting himself off with a wearily raised eyebrow.

“Forget something, Officer Chen?”

“Uh, no, Sir,” Lucy stammered, looking for the quickest route around the Watch Commander, “I, uh, just need to, uh… check if-”

The station’s automatic doors breezed open behind her, wafting the smell of exhaust into the air of the lobby around them.

“Lucy?”

Too late.

***

“Tim is just…” Lucy twirled her shot glass on the slick surface of the bar table, absently glad she’d worn short sleeves, because she’d already left her elbow in the puddle of spilled liquor at least three times since they’d sat down. The flame of a small centrepiece candle wavered and blurred before her as her thoughts drifted and her eyes unfocused.

“Just… ‘a friend’?” Noah finished for her, grinning and bumping her with his elbow as he downed his own shot. He winced at the burn, then waggled his eyebrows at her.

Lucy rolled her eyes and threw back her tequila. “I don’t even think you could call us that any more.” She’d succumbed to gloominess, only agreeing to go out with the UC gang because being alone in her hotel room would mean no-one was keeping track of her drinking. They’d had a long day of lectures and written tests, and when she finally got to check her phone, there wasn’t even a meme from Aaron. It was as if she’d been completely forgotten by everyone she cared about.

“Psshh.” Noah blew a messy raspberry, slapping the puddle of liquor and sending a small tsunami of droplets across both of their laps. “It took you nearly two weeks to tell me you had a different boyfriend. I thought for sure you and Bradford were married.”

“Wh- Noah!” Lucy slapped his shoulder, half amused, half embarrassed. He leaned away from her, smirking, but only long enough to pull them two new bottles of beer from the shared ice bucket. “Chris Sanford. Tim Bradford. It’s not that hard.”

“Don’t they have any other varieties of surname down in Mid-Wilshire? How am I supposed to tell them apart?”

“You’d know them if you saw them,” she murmured, uncapping her beer and taking a deep swig.

“Oh really?” Noah asked, intrigued. His eyes glimmered with quick humour and he sat up straighter. “I can picture it now: Chris Sandyford, ace attorney. Tall, blonde, preppy. Probably played lacrosse in high-school.” 

Despite herself, Lucy burst into a fit of laughter. Noah continued, painting the air with his fingers.

“Timothée Bradburn. Dark, skinny, moody. Hair a little too long for a cop, but suits his ‘aesthetic’. Loves to read, but only paperbacks. Trademarks the word ‘asshole’.”

Lucy had bent double, gasping for breath, balancing herself with one now-soaked arm on the wet table.

“I don’t care if he was your TO,” Noah continued, “I’m rooting for Bradburn. Team Tim, all the way.” He raised his bottle in salute to Tim, commencing a ripple of cheers from the rest of their group.

“Oh my god.” It took her a solid minute of wheezing and coughing to recover, and Noah smiled innocently at her the whole time, calmly sipping from his beer and clapping her enthusiastically on the back.

“You are never invited to Mid-Wilshire. Just so you know.” She poked him in the shoulder when she could breathe again, to emphasise her point.

“Oh yeah?” He smirked, bending low to the table and hiding his face behind his beer bottle and a small stack of coasters. “Well, I’ll just have to be discreet. You’ll never see me coming.”

She swiped a splash of the spill at him and he dodged, toppling his bottle into the coasters. He lurched forward to save it at the same moment as Lucy, and between them the candle went spinning around the table, tipping onto Lucy’s lap and splashing wax all over her jeans.

“Ow! Ow ow ow! Hot!”

She leapt off her stool, desperately trying to knock the melted wax away, but it had soaked through the material and was already stinging painfully against her skin.

At a loss, Noah looked helplessly at their friends, all shouting and pointing at once, unintelligible and useless. Reflexively, he grabbed his beer bottle and sloshed it at Lucy.

Foam. 

Bubbles and foam.

Bubbles and foam and a merciful - if slightly sour - coolness spread across her legs.

There was silence for a moment.

Lucy ran her hands across her soaked jeans, shaking off the residue and shoving her hair out of her eyes.

Someone snorted. Another coughed. Then a giggle. Soon the entire table was convulsing in laughter, passing napkins and coasters across to Lucy, helping her dab off her jeans and her stool and her arms. Noah grimaced apologetically, cleaning the table in front of her and handing the quenched candle to an exasperated waitress.

“If it helps, this has given me a great idea…” he said, arranging their stools back beside the table and gesturing for two more beers from the bucket.

“I don’t think I want to know any more of your ideas tonight,” Lucy said, sitting gingerly on the slightly sticky seat and eyeing him suspiciously.

“No no, you’ll like this one, I swear!” He uncapped their drinks, clinking the bottles together carefully. “I’ve finally thought of your UC nickname… ‘Hotpants’.”

Lucy choked, spraying beer back onto the table and saturating the sleeve of Noah’s sweater.

The gang erupted in laughter again, pelting Noah with napkins and coasters.

Lucy was glad she’d gone out with them.

Who needed memes from Aaron anyway?

***

“Detective Foster. Good to see you again.” Grey reached beyond Lucy to shake hands with Noah. “Lopez has a desk ready for your report.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Noah grinned cheekily at Lucy as Grey took a step back. “How you doin’, Hotpants?” He pulled her into a quick hug, pecking her on the cheek before she had time to react.

Lucy swallowed a slightly hysterical giggle, shoving him back with a tight grip on his arms.

“Good, all good. I didn’t expect to see you here today,” she answered, frowning. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course!” He slipped his arm around her back, leaning in close to whisper conspiratorially, “Lopez wanted someone actually good at UC to draft the Army of Freedom report for the DA.”

She jabbed him lightly with her elbow, knowing full well that her amusement was showing on her face. Grey shook his head at her, rolling his eyes and folding his arms.

She’d almost forgotten her urgent need to get out of there.

The doors swished open again.

“Lucy?”

Shit.

***

“Tim is just…” Lucy rolled her sushi over once more in the bowl of soy sauce. It was far too saturated to eat now, but she’d lost her train of thought, and with it, apparently, her appetite.

“Just… jealous?” Chris finished with a snort, tossing back another California roll.

“What? No!” Lucy tamped down on the wave of protective indignation that surged within her, sighing and dropping her chopsticks onto her plate. Wine it was, then. She settled back into the couch. “No. He’s just… just…”

“A walking billboard for ‘defund the police’?”

“Chris!” She dropped her wine glass onto the table so fast, it nearly sloshed over the edges.

“No, no, babe. You know I don’t mean you when I say that.” Chris patted her on the arm, still fully focused on the platter of sushi in front of him. “But the movement has a point. And moody hardasses like Bradford are exactly the kind of cop people are scared of running into. I’ll never understand why you’re so patient with him.”

Lucy scoffed, the burn of wine and soy sauce tasting bitter in her throat.

“Our job isn’t to be everybody’s friend.”

“Hold on, hold on…” Chris chewed and swallowed another roll, raising his hand for her to wait. “You want me to give teenage thieves a second or third chance; but Bradford can just roll up on someone, slap on some cuffs, throw them in the system, and that’s all part and parcel of the job? Lucy! Come on!”

“You don’t see the same city we do.” She reached for her wine again, closing her eyes. This type of conversation was never worth the energy. “We see people on their worst days. For some of them, they’ve embraced it and decided to make it everybody else’s worst day too. For others, it’s just a hole they’ve fallen into. Throw them a ladder and they’ll find their own way out.” She sipped her wine thoughtfully. “We’re responsible for making that judgement. Every day takes a toll on you. Tim is just…”

Her mouth wouldn’t form the words.

Upset? Lonely? Broken-hearted?

How would someone feel after being broken up with by 2022’s answer to Pamela Anderson?

“Tired,” she finished, lamely, taking a larger gulp of wine than she’d intended.

“Sure, but can you imagine having him over for dinner?” Chris had moved onto the sashimi, delicately considering both the tuna and the salmon. “You, me, and Tired Tim?” He decided on the salmon, dropping even more wasabi into his soy sauce. “I mean, our first date was awkward enough, what with him and Ashley. What would we do with him here?”

“Well I thought we were going out for Mediterranean,” Lucy began, her tongue nearly wrinkling in horror at the amount of wasabi now coating Chris’ salmon, “But, hey - what do you mean ‘awkward’?”

She waited while Chris chewed thoughtfully, her mind’s eye providing her with a technicolour highlight reel of enoki pancakes, cyborg bodies and Tim’s cynical smile; salty sea air and tiny grains of sand peppering through the recollection of his fingertips brushing her arm, his cologne wafting across the breeze, his eyes deep and dark beside her in the subtle light of the beach torches.

“Well, they were obviously entirely mismatched,” Chris said, throwing her a look of forbearance. “Ashley is sweet and kind and outgoing - I mean, she’s not that different from you.”

It was Lucy’s turn to snort, feeling her forehead crease sceptically. 

“No, no - let me finish!” Chris laughed, finally looking away from his food and reaching for her hand. “She’s all those nice bits of you, sure. But she’s not tough. And she’s obviously got no tolerance for asshole behaviour. He spent that whole night talking to you. Turned to you. Looking at you.”

Suddenly, the images in her head were taking on a different tone.

The warm orange glow of the flickering flames on their skin. 

The soft velvet brush of Tim’s dinner jacket against her arm. 

His knees bumping hers below the table time and again, and again.

She shook her head vigorously, trying to dispel the sudden rush of heat along her neck, the goosebumps tingling over her arms.

“He must be exhausted trying to keep up his ‘nice guy’ image for her. Maybe one of these days she’ll realise he’s just not-”

“Tim-” Lucy closed her eyes, changing her mind and reaching out a stalling hand towards her boyfriend. “Chris, let’s just drop the Tim stuff for now. Please?”

Chris smiled agreeably, chuckling and topping up her wine glass.

Cheap wine, good sushi and the companionship of a charming man.

What more could she want?

***

“Mr Sanford. Detective Harper is all set up for you in the conference room.” Grey turned slightly, gesturing to the corridor behind him.

Noah laughed, the sound at odds with the seriousness of Chris Sanford’s face.

“They make Sergeants work as greeters in Mid-Wilshire too? Sheesh, this place is tough!”

The only thing saving Noah from a severe Sergeant-Grey-Disapproving-Frown was his cheeky grin, and Lucy averted her eyes as he murmured a goodbye in her ear, squeezing her arm and wisely removing himself from the situation, promising to meet up with her later for lunch.

Grey, usually so composed and unruffled, seemed to Lucy to have a glint of mischief in his eyes as he looked between her, the departing detective and the arriving attorney.

“You’re up to date on the entire Elijah escapade, I take it?” Grey asked Chris, his arms still folded and his posture relaxed and at ease. There was no way he wasn’t enjoying her obvious agitation at the sudden influx of attentive men.

“Of course,” Chris replied, loosely shaking his briefcase. “Can’t wait to put him away for a couple of centuries, at the very least.���

Grey smirked, nodding approvingly. “You and me both.”

He didn’t leave, but Grey moved away, looking out through the glass doors as if waiting for someone. Lucy half wished he’d stayed beside her.

An awkward silence descended in his absence.

“So…” Chris was addressing her, scuffing one foot anxiously on the floor, his eyes darting between hers and anywhere else in the lobby. “It’s been a while.”

She coughed out a laugh. Given their jobs, it was unlikely they’d never run into one another again. If he’d just stayed for five more minutes at her apartment that night, this would have been dealt with already. 

Well. She might as well get it over with.

“Yeah.” She knew she was picking at her own nails, and she made a conscious effort to stop, grabbing her duty belt tightly instead. “Um, how are you?”

Chris paused, staring at her incredulously.

She bit her lip, feeling the mild sting of guilt roll up along her shoulders.

“I’m… I’m shit, Lucy.” He glared at her, his mouth falling open on his last words. “I feel like shit. I thought we were tight. I thought things were good, thought we were ready for the next step. And then you dump me? Ask me for my ‘playbook’? What the hell sort of bitchy, high school, mean girl move was that?”

Lucy was feeling at least three different shades of guilty - the mildest one being that of dumping a guy she wasn’t fully invested in. Another was certainly more of the high school variety - her? Lucy Chen? A bitch?! Never! Everybody adored her!

The third was one she’d grown accustomed to: the guilt of being in a relationship with one person, whilst clearly head-over-heels for another. This was a feeling so familiar to Lucy, she’d only noticed its absence once she and Tim had finally made their status openly official. Every time she grabbed his arm in the station now felt natural and right; every time she held his hand in front of their friends felt like she’d landed safely where she belonged; every time she cuddled in to him, kissed the edge of his jaw while they watched old movies on the couch with Tamara and Kojo, she felt like she was home. Home and safe and loved. Exactly where she was supposed to be.

Not that it was any surprise, but Chris obviously didn’t share the same internal ideation as Lucy.

“And now - what? You’re hooking up with the first out-of-town, greasy-ass detective that shows an interest in you? I thought you had higher standards than that.”

Suddenly, Lucy found she didn’t care how ‘high-school’ Chris found her moves to be.

“Excuse me?!” The disbelief in her voice raised the end of the question to a higher pitch than she’d have liked.

“Oh come on.” Chris waved his hand towards the corridor where Noah had disappeared just moments ago. “As if I couldn’t see that guy fawning all over you. What? Just because he wears a hoodie with a leather jacket, it makes him catnip?”

Lucy was caught somewhere between confusion and hilarity.

“Are you seriously gatekeeping who I talk to right now?”

“Well maybe if I had paid better attention when we were together this wouldn’t be happening!”

“Ugh, Chris…”

“No. Lucy, seriously.” Chris stepped closer to her. “What is this? What’s happening right now?”

“Chris-” She took a step back, raising her hands to keep the distance between them. “It’s not whatever you think it is.”

“Then what?” The pleading look on his face was genuine; puppy-dog eyes, beseeching eyebrows and all. “What? You needed danger? A serial killer tried to murder me! You need a do-gooder hero? I’m all ears! Tell me who to save, when to let them off the hook - I’ll listen. You want to put the bad guys away for life? That’s literally my job!”

“Chris, come on. Stop being ridiculous.” He was unnerving her now, too close and too needy, and nothing like the genuinely nice man she used to date. Her mouth took control of the situation before she had a chance to process the thought. “I never felt the way about you that you wanted me to. I wasn’t in love with you.”

The silence fell heavily between them, Chris’ face drooping in disappointment. Lucy was suddenly very aware that her boss was still standing well within earshot, Grey shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other as the doors slid smoothly open in front of him for a third time. 

“Lucy?”

There was no fucking way this day was happening to her.

***

“Tim is just…what?”

Sleep was still clinging to the edge of his words, a yawn overtaking the end of the question as he rolled away from her and stretched his arms over his head.

“Tim is just about to wake up, obviously,” she answered, shuffling onto her side and sliding her hand across his chest as he uncurled from the foetal position. 

There were many revelations that came with having Tim Bradford in one’s bed, but one of the most surprising to her was how small he made himself in sleep; feet tucked up under her legs, head snuggled into her shoulder, one or both hands wrapped tightly around her chest or arms. He didn’t seem to notice, and she had no intention of bringing it up, but it still made her heart flutter fiercely when she woke before him and found him knit tightly and securely into her side.

“Who are you talking to?” he asked, still yawning widely, his hand finding hers and lacing their fingers together on his stomach.

“Only the best boy in the whole world.”

From his bed on the floor beside her, Kojo snuffed out a low ‘woof’, clearly recognising the words that applied to him, and him only.

Tim snorted, nuzzling his nose into her forehead.

It was one of their rare weekends off together, and with no alarms or deadlines, they’d (eventually) fallen into deep sleep, waking only once the sun rose high and bright above the buildings opposite, flooding their bedroom with warm, golden light.

As much as she loved their vibrant city, Lucy couldn’t think of any more perfect way to start the day.

“Are you happy?”

At first she thought he’d fallen asleep again, murmuring nonsense into her temple. She pulled back to look up at him properly only to see his eyes, still languid, but very much awake and focused on her.

She blinked and shook her head, almost laughing.

“Why are you asking me that?”

It had the sound of a Tim Test, but not the feeling, and she wanted to decipher him a bit more before she inadvertently agreed to a weekend of jogging, or something equally as unappetising.

With his answer, he took her by surprise again.

“Because I’m happy.”

She and Tim had been thrust together in Mid-Wilshire, and she’d never been fully sure of Grey’s reasoning. Pairing Tim with Jackson would, on paper, have made far more sense, and probably would have been exactly what Percy West would have wanted. Grey wasn’t a rule breaker; never went out of his way to upset anyone’s applecart; so he must have had his reasons.

Whatever they were, it had either worked out - or backfired - spectacularly, and they remained the only Rookie/TO pairing that had ever completed their entire probation together since she’d arrived at Mid-Wilshire. Grey (probably) hadn’t expected their partnership to develop in quite the way that it had, but beyond a raised eyebrow or a knowing smirk, he never commented.

As far as she was concerned, she’d never seen Tim as a ‘project’. He’d started as a necessary pain-in-the-ass, developing, slowly, into someone she could rely on, could learn from; someone she could repay with the same opportunities he provided for her. Eventually, he became part of the furniture of her day; safe and comfortable and inviting, in his own way. Jackson and Nolan had never quite understood her, but she hadn’t needed to explain herself to them. Tim was just Tim. 

She never admitted to anyone that she’d been half-terrified going out into the world without him on her first proper day as P2. She’d bumped his number up on her speed-dial list, ensuring the phone’s voice-command would recognise her words and call him if she had to yell. It had all worked out fine, and, in retrospect, she was glad she’d had that extra time with Jackson. But it hadn’t stopped her secretly missing Tim’s gruff commands, the snarky roll of his eyes, or the days he’d quietly buy her lunch and walk away and leave her if she insulted him with payment.

In all that time he’d been rude, or tolerant; biting, or thoughtful; angry and miserable, or accepting and good-humoured. It had taken him time to show her all the facets of his personality, and she was still one of the rare few who ever got to see that much.

But to see him happy?

To see him happy, and to know he was happy?

To have him admit that he was happy?

Voluntarily?

This man was still full of surprises.

She surged up into him, kissing him hard and firm and fierce. She’d let go of his hand and her fingers combed through his hair, trying to pull his head as close to her as she could, stroking through the short hairs and along the warm skin of his neck.

He didn’t seem to mind her sudden attack, looping his arms tightly around her waist and drawing her in to him, one leg wrapping around the back of her knees, his fingers slipping cool and certain under her t-shirt and along her ribs.

She’d have been happy to keep going, but his stomach rumbled and he eventually pulled back, eyes closed and lips smiling, his nose and forehead pressed softly against her own.

“I’m very happy.” The words were nearly more a feeling, flowing from her mouth into his across the short space between them. “Very.”

He opened his eyes then, his pupils blurring before her, until he moved back and, still smiling, dropped a kiss onto her nose.

“Good.”

Kojo grumbled again, assuming he was still being spoken to, and Tim snorted, rolling away from her and throwing back the covers. Lucy groaned.

“Where are you going?” She couldn’t help that it sounded petulant, and she buried herself further under the blankets to add weight to her protest.

Tim’s voice was muffled as he pulled yesterday’s white t-shirt over his head.

“I’m hungry.”

“Ugh.” Lucy kicked her legs indignantly under the covers. “Kojo? Do you want to come up into this warm, cosy, comfortable bed with me instead?”

She heard the dog hop upright, his nails ticking along the floor as he scrambled out of his bed and around the room to the foot of hers.

“Kojo. Sit.” Tim’s voice was no-nonsense, and Kojo immediately complied, his tail thumping happily against the bedpost as he obligingly switched allegiances. “Only good boys who stay off the furniture get bacon and eggs.”

“You are literally - No. Fun.” Lucy complained, shuffling herself up against the headboard.

Tim threw her look as he opened the door, eyebrows raised, sly and suggestive. “I’m going to feed the dog. And the teenager.”

“The teenager is already fed!” Tamara’s voice sailed through the open door, tinged with long-suffering tolerance. Kojo abandoned Lucy’s bed, happily scampering out through the door to Tamara, closely followed by Tim.

Lucy pounded her fists into the comforter, watching the three of them gather outside around the kitchen island.

“Is everybody just gonna leave me this morning?”

“YES!” Tim and Tamara yelled together, Kojo adding a sharp bark to the cacophony.

Lucy grinned, throwing back the covers and clambering out of the bed.

There was nothing else she needed.

There was nowhere and no-one she’d rather be with.

She was exactly where she was supposed to be.

***

“Sergeant Bradford, I’ve been waiting over thirty minutes for you.” Grey admonished, pointedly checking his watch.

Tim threw his hands up, gesturing behind him to the departing armoured SWAT van. 

“Do you know how hard it is to manoeuvre a tank through rush-hour traffic?” He checked his own watch, making a face when he saw the time. “The last guy would never have made it to you this fast.”

“There was no ‘last guy’,” Grey replied, his eyes darting almost imperceptibly to Lucy. “Lieutenant Pine seems to have invented this post just for you.”

Tim cocked his head, refusing to take the bait, his eyes narrowing as he realised that Lucy had company. “You okay?”

“Bradford!”

Lucy didn’t have time to reply, interrupted by Noah’s enthusiastic greeting as he saluted Tim, followed closely by Lopez, her eyes sharp and curious. Tim nodded politely at Noah, taking a step closer to Lucy.

“Foster. What brings you down from Victorville?”

“That would be me,” Angela said, crossing her arms and looking at Lucy. “Noah can’t remember the licence plate of your truck.”

“I don’t have a truck,” Lucy answered, shaking her head, utterly disconcerted by the change of conversation.

“That’s what I told him.”

Noah rolled his eyes at Angela, holding out his palms to Lucy.

“The truck you came in to the club the other night.”

The pieces clicked into place, but Tim spoke before she could say anything.

“That was my truck.”

“Ah,” Noah grinned mischievously at her. “I should have realised that.”

“Wait, wait…” Chris’ voice startled Lucy, having almost forgotten that he was still standing beside her. He was blinking furiously, shaking his head in confusion. “What is going on here?”

“That’s what I’d like to know.��� Nyla arrived on the scene, her words laced with irritation. “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in the conference room for you, attorney.” She fixed Chris with a glare that would have withered mould, coming to a stop beside Angela and unconsciously mirroring the same disgruntled stance.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Noah made a wry face at Lucy, tapping her elbow once. “Hey, Bradford! You joining us for lunch?”

Tim raised his eyebrows, which Noah seemed to take for answer, tossing another grin over his shoulder as Angela shunted him back down the corridor before her. 

“I thought we were taking Tamara for lunch at that college welcome afternoon thing?” Tim sidled up to Lucy, slipping his hand into the crook of her elbow. She frowned at him, shaking her head.

“That’s next week, you know that!”

“Oh,” he said, shrugging lightly. “Must have got my days confused.”

“Bradford! My office. Ten minutes!” Grey shot them an exasperated look, throwing his hands in the air and stalking off through the lobby.

“You, with me. Now!” Nyla was just as frustrated, shoving Chris on the shoulder and giving Tim a knowing glare. Chris stumbled once, his eyes flicking between Lucy, Tim, and Tim’s hand, now moving from Lucy’s elbow to the small of her back, turning her gently away from the others and towards himself. She heard Nyla repeat her order, and the shuffle of shoes on vinyl as she herded her charge off to the conference room.

“You ass.” Lucy pulled her hands out of Tim’s grip, slapping him gently in the chest. “You did that on purpose.”

His smile turned into a grin, and he bent down to her, dropping a quick kiss on the side of her lips.

“Did what?” His face radiated innocence, but the bright twinkle in his eye gave him away.

She glared at him, but there was no heat in it.

“Okay fine,” he admitted. “It’s been a long morning, I couldn’t help it.”

She squared her shoulders primly. “Thank you for your honesty.”

He chuckled once, stepping closer to her and wrapping his fingers into her hands. His face became serious.

“Since I’m being honest, I might as well tell you… I also lied to you.”

She felt her heart drop, the blood draining rapidly from her face.

“You…” She paused to swallow, tightening her grip on his fingers. “Okay. About what?”

Tim smiled sheepishly, tilting his head to one side.

“I am jealous. A little. Of Foster.”

Her heart thumped once, painfully, and she felt relief flood through her with a rush, coming out in a breathless laugh.

“Tim…”

“He got to spend all that time with you in Sacramento, and I didn’t. All that time without seeing you, without talking to you? Do you realise that’s the longest I’ve ever gone without hearing your voice since the day I first met you?” The question was gruff, but she knew him well enough to read the emotion behind it.

“I thought you’d have enjoyed the peace and quiet,” she quipped, giving him an out.

Tim shook his head, his eyes focused on her. He wasn’t taking it.

“It’s my own fault that I missed out.” There was an unfamiliar, wistful smile on his face, and she tugged on his hands, pulling him down to her level.

“There’s nothing to be jealous of. You and I - we were inevitable. We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.”

And without thinking, workplace be damned, she kissed him.

“Bradford!”

Grey’s voice ricocheted around the glass walls of the lobby, and Tim pulled back from her with a grin.

“See you at lunchtime?”

She nodded happily, her forehead still pressed against his.

“BRADFORD!”

“Wuh-oh.”

[ginger-grimm]

Yello everyone!

Time for my annual sappy New Year's post! Though it is not midnight yet in Germany, I, as always, want to extend my biggest and brightest Thank You to everyone who has been there for me this year on this website. I've already said so much sickly sweet shit for the Holiday post, but I can never overstate just how much you all mean to me and how happy this place makes me, even with the occasional anon drama and whatnot.

This year started out pretty solid for me (Hey, I got my degree, didn't I?) and then took a nosedive so fast, that I felt the whiplash for months and am still recovering. This year won't start out super awesome for me either, but I am choosing to try and make the best out of a shitty situation, as I'm sure many of you are as well.

The world is a scary place, I'm sure we're all aware, but I want you to know that you can always slide into my DMs and talk to me when shit gets tough, a lot of my moots can attest to that.

Thank you for your continued interest in my creations, for always diligently signing up for my exchanges, for sharing every little idea you have with me, and for every other little thing you do. Sorry for sounding a little bit like a cheesy romcom novel there at the end but it had to be said.

If you're celebrating tonight (or right now), be safe, drink responsibly, don't dare get behind that fucking steering wheel if you're sauced, and keep that good old vomit bucket nearby. If you're not celebrating, cuddle up, and send some messages if you please. If it's 2024 for you already, Happy Fuckin' New Year, and sleep well.

Alright, wall of text over. Love you guys so much, you have no idea. Mwah!

TAGGING: @waterloou @veetlegeuse @luucypevensie @dancingsunflowers-ocs @come-along-pond @daughter-of-melpomene @megandaisy9 @andromedalestrange @oneirataxia-girl @mabonetsamhain @foxesandmagic @ginevrastilinski @asirensrage @enchanted--roses and probably so many more people that I am not thinking of right now because my brain is fried. If you're not on here, chances are very high mean you too!!!

[ifuckingloveryoshu]

...i have been tormenting myself for almost a year with thoughts regarding ANYTHING to do with ryōshū and her daughter yuzuki but the worst (saddest?) theory i have by far is this one:

yuzuki got turned into an abnormality as a means of punishing her mom (the ONLY basis for this is ryōshū's 4th match flame e.g.o. being a possible reference to yuzuki's fate in the source material, as well as what i remember from the original "hell screen" short story). and...

uh. you know how if you bring n corp. sinclair to kromer's fight she staggers immediately? well, if we have to fight abno!yuzuki in game and you bring any ryōshū identity with you she immediately staggers and calls out for her mama.

Hello anon, thank you for sending this in! I do not and will not follow this theory as a concrete concept but I am interested and would like to hear more in the future if you ever think up more and feel comfortable sharing. If you want some more bits of evideince to back you, I guess vaugly Ryoshu having the most Lobotomy EGO. It is a little sad to think of an abno!yuzuki staggering. Actually, under the cut are some spoilers for Leviathan but it could potentially make your theory a littlle more heartbreaking? Maybe. It's also just assorted thoughts and rambling mindlessly. Thank you again and I hope at least these give you some food for thought.

Leviathan has another Schadenfreude that Virgilius stares down. We don't know why it's there but it means there can be two of the same abnormality in exsistence, potentially. What if when they injected Yuzuki with Cogito to make her the abnormality (I have no idea how they got their hands on Cogito without The Bucket, OK SO IVE BEEN GOING ON THINKING EACH INDIVIDUAL BUCKET WAS A GOLDEN BOUGH full of cogito but dont quote me on that, I am not sure anymore.)

Anway, they inject Yuzuki with Cogito and she becomes either Scorched Girl or an abberation of her. I say this because the abnormality log reads, "The charred body represents the child's crumbled hope, while the ever blazing flame represents the obsession for affection. It's always in conflict with the contradiction between these two.”  In my eyes, this would make for a pretty nice foil for Ryoshu who possibly betrayed that love to make her art. Forth Match Flame lobotomy ego special information says "the light of the match will not go out until it has burned away happiness, warmth, light, and all other good things of the world" What does that sound like? Hell. That sounds like hell, at least to me.

I always blorbify Yuzuki but with project moon, you never know. I always get attached to the characters who are red flags in the sense they will die at the end of the story. Ryoshu is always in groups of people, organizations, but always a loner. It's really interesting of her.

I have my own theory that after what happens in Levithan, the Pointilist syndicate gets kicked out of The Ring. Then, they ramp up their research on mirror technology and things relating to the old L corp (and then maybe they were picked up by Hermens group.) Not a lot of evideince for this one and honestly im not in the mood to type more. Just a throwaway line that their not part of the ring anymore i remember.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Alright! That's the first time I send an ask message to someone I don't know and probably the last one (because, honestly, is kinda scary) but listen, baby, you had NOT the right to make me addicted to a fic where the mass-murderer-nightmare-of-the-south Major Jasper Whitlock is a whole ass baby daddy!!!! Seriously, I'd never imagine I'd read something like that and LOVE IT??? I mean, I could picture Alice being a mom in some aus, since her character seems to be very attached to the idea of having a family, but Jasper???? The one who killed a thousand of vampires and non-vampires with no mercy???? I have only one thing to say: I need more.

There is no way you're as scared of me as I am of you. I think we should just agree to be scared together. 

Anon, THANK YOU for your message. All my messages mean so much to me, and to know that I've written something that you didn't expect to love? Ugh, made my day. My week. 

The thing about babyverse is that I smashed out like 8k words of it during a Bad Time; I was having some kind of mental breakdown and writing the OG version was my way of mainlining a carton of ice cream and a bucket of fries to cope with my woes. I actually fucking hate baby fics because Jasper and Alice are not parents. Every single baby-related fic that I read on FF.Net pissed me off. But my brain ran away with me and then I decided to riff on the concept and we ended up with five or six variations on a theme, one of which you guys *love*.

I think the thing that is important to remember about Jasper is that he is an ice-cold killer, one of the most dangerous vampires on the continent with a strong reputation even though he walked away over *eighty* years ago. 

In Hybrid-verse, this means there are people in the known that lie away at night wondering exactly what happened to Maria's Major because his reappearance would be catastrophic. None of his past changes because he has a son and a partner; it arguably makes it worse. He still suffers from depression, he still has guilt and shame, and now he's somehow ended up with a mostly-human son to raise.

And the fact that he wasn't close to his father, and has vague memories of Civil Era parenthood has him crazy unprepared for being a dad (he is totally stunned the first time Alice just casually breastfeeds Ollie in front of him one night; she teases him mercilessly that they can have sex and have a kid, but breastfeeding shocks him.) 

As for Alice, she's just always an agent of chaos. I have a very, very hard time imagining her as a mother - baby-verse and the AH tattoo fic are the only two I ever bothered attempting that (and tattoo-verse is kind of a riff on a lot of the AH fics written in '05, so it doesn't really count.) Alice is always going to be authentically herself, and being a mother doesn't change her. Ollie is just the best-dressed kid in the room. 

So have a little snippet of the OG, Official (if there ever is such a thing) Babyverse

“Oh my god, Jasper.”

I gaped at him as Ollie babbled at me, his chubby hands patting at my cheeks. 

It had been two months since the Cullens had arrived back in Forks, since Jasper had come home to me - and to Ollie. It had gone by faster than I thought possible, honestly. 

Edward and Bella had decided to get married in the last weeks of August - the plan was the wedding, a quick honeymoon somewhere in South America (a surprise for Bella, apparently), and home just in time to start freshman year at Dartmouth. Well, ‘home’ would be the house that Esme had picked out in New Hampshire. I didn’t know if they were even planning to come back to Forks after the wedding. 

It felt like a strange and rushed choice after being apart for a year, but I had congratulated them and was pitching in with the wedding planning. They were happy about it, and that was the most important thing. 

My own college plans were a lot more diaphanous than Bella and Edward’s, and I was mostly content just to work out my new normal with my son and my quasi-boyfriend. The summer wasn’t over yet, and I knew I’d have to have a few hard conversations before it was over - mostly that if the Cullens wanted to go to New Hampshire and play college students, I would be staying here in Forks with my family - Simon had suggested taking a bunch of community college credits online to stretch my college fund a little further and to keep me close to home for a while. 

Adjusting Ollie on my hip, I gave Jasper a Look, as he tried not to meet my gaze. Since we’ve gotten home, he’d been… well, amazing. No one had ever taken co-parenting as seriously as Jasper was, and I had never seen as many parenting books as Jasper had somehow collected that first week. The Cullen house suddenly boasted an unnecessary amount of baby paraphernalia (right down to the framed photographs that Esme had asked Dad and I for - I had been mildly horrified to see my first photo with Ollie framed on the upstairs console table; my sweaty, disorientated, and white as a ghost face with Ollie on my chest immortalised next to Rose and Emmett in a Venetian gondola had really done a number on my self esteem.)

But Jasper had give me an insane amount of things since he’d gotten home. First it had been a new baby swing when mine ended up dying spectacularly. Then - when Esme found out that Ollie was an unenthusiastic sleeper at the best of times - there had been an insanely expensive cot that was meant to encourage him to sleep. Then there were books and toys - most of them under the guise of bonding with him. And then a second set of everything at the Cullens because Jasper didn’t want me lugging so many things with me every time we came over. 

(Rosalie had - with all the subtly of an infomercial - asked me if I preferred bracelets or rings, and I had had to squash the idea of any kind of jewellery as a gift. Both of the Cullen women had grown up in an age where the birth of a healthy son and heir would have come with a sparkly piece of jewellery and I thought that was so gross. Jasper had listened to me rant for nearly fifteen minutes, bewildered, after Rosalie and Esme had been insisting he had to gift me some kind of diamond for Ollie - preferably in blue - for weeks. Cynthia had thought I was insane to refuse. The first and only gem I would accept from Jasper would be an engagement ring - when we were ready.) 

And now, there was the latest - and most expensive - of his gifts. 

“You bought me a car?” I said dumbly.

The blue SUV parked out the front looked perfectly normal; shiny and new but not out of place. It was no Mercedes Guardian or Aston Martin or whatever BMW Rose was driving. And I kind of liked that - no one would give it a second look in Forks. 

The thing was, a car had been a much contested item in my family - the ancient little car Cynthia and I had been sharing had finally crapped out beyond repair and we had ended up pooling our savings to save for a new one. We were about three thousand dollars off something decent - Dad and Simon were vetoing anything that they didn’t deem safe enough. Simon and Dad were generous enough to occasionally loan me one of their cars, and Jasper had been more than willing to chauffeur me around. 

Until now. 

“I know you and Cynthia were saving for one,” Jasper began, reaching out to tuck one of Ollie’s curls out of his eyes. I was putting off getting his hair cut because his messy hair was too cute to lose. “But I was thinking…”

“Jas.”

“Cynthia has so many co-curriculars, and spends so much time on the Res that it felt like you’d be spending a lot of time in the car - or not getting to use it as much.”

I was still giving him a Look as Ollie had moved on to grasping at my necklace, fascinated. 

“…I wanted to make sure you were safe,” Jasper said finally. “Rose helped me pick it out - and the carseat. Both have the best safety ratings on the market.”

Walking closer, I could see the carseat already fitted in the backseat. It was, frankly, perfect. I was concerned about the qualifier ‘on the market’ - I wouldn’t put it past Jasper to try and get some kind of unreleased bomb-resistant baby carseat. 

“The car or the carseat?” I asked, looking back at him - he was finally looking a little bit guilty. 

“What?”

“Which is the safest you could find - the car or the carseat?”

“Both.” Jasper looked at me and offered out the keys. Ollie reached out for them with a squeal of delight. “Let me do this for my family, Alice. I want to make sure you have what you need.”

It was hard to argue with him when he called us his family. It always made me melt a little, that he thought of us that way. I had had to squash more than one of his old-fashioned ideas of babies and parenting over the last two months, but his staunch determination to take care of us always made me give in. 

The car was staying. I didn’t have it in me to argue when he was looking at me with that oddly hopeful gaze. And he wasn’t wrong - I did need a car, I wanted it to be a good and safe one, and it wasn’t like he’d gone out and gotten me something ultra expensive… 

“HE BOUGHT YOU A CAR?”

The front door banged, Cynthia bolted onto the street, her eyes huge and her hands on her hips.

“All your brothers are married, right Jasper?” She asked before darting over to the car to inspect it. 

“Nearly.” Jasper was trying very hard not to laugh; he really did get a kick out of Cynthia’s Teenage Drama Queen brand of dramatics. 

“I am doomed to forever have to work for my money,” Cynthia sighed, pulling back and looking over at us. She’d gotten a job at Forks’ bakery slash ice cream slash coffee shop and had spent the last month acting like she was being forced to work in the mines in the dead of winter. It was eternally entertaining, and she was keeping the house supplied in free pastries, ice cream, and bread. “Give the baby to Jasper, Alice.”

I looked over and Jasper looked so hopeful, his hands already twitching.

“He always just stands there with this half sad-puppy, half-hopeful look that you’ll read his mind,” Cynthia said bossily. “Every single time, you wait for her to offer. Just take him - I do.”

Ollie let out a crow of delight as Jasper took him, babbling happily and waving my new car keys in one hand. Jasper had a look of such tenderness on his face that I felt bad he thought that I had some kind of ownership over the child we shared. That he felt he couldn’t just ask to hold Ollie. 

“Hello Oliver,” he said, holding him so carefully. “Are you being good for your mother?” He got a spit-bubble reply; it had only taken two months for Ollie to recognise that Jasper was one of his people.

“You can ask me for the baby, Jas,” I said softly, leaning against his other side; his arm wrapping around my shoulders automatically. “You can hold your son, you don’t need my permission.”

“I don’t like to upset him; he’s always so happy with you,” Jasper murmured, nodding as Ollie brandished the keys at him importantly.

I rolled my eyes fondly. Ollie was happy when Jasper held him. Our son had taken like a duck to water at the sudden reintroduction of the Cullens to our lives; Esme was good for cuddles, Emmett was the one that would give me a heart attack by tossing him in the air and swooping him around until Ollie was red in the face and laughing, and Rosalie was someone that he was entranced with - something about the way that she was with him made Ollie go all soft and angelic when he was with her. Little ratbag had Auntie Rose wrapped around his little finger - probably why she had helped Jasper with the car. 

Ollie still held a grudge against Carlisle for giving him his shots last month, hiding his face every time he saw him. Edward and Bella were terribly awkward around Ollie, but kind to him. Ollie adored Edward playing the piano, and every time Edward had played for him, he had been transfixed. 

Whilst Jasper might have been one of Ollie’s people, he was only just grasping the concept of ‘Daddy’ and Jasper being one and the same. We would get there eventually. He was only a baby. 

“Thank you for the car,” I said softly. “You didn’t have to, but I love it.”

“You do?” Jasper adjusted his grip on Ollie, before pulling me closer. 

“I do. But you don’t need to buy me or Ollie all these things.”

He really didn’t. About two weeks after he got back, Cynthia had read him the riot act and pointed out that since he didn’t sleep, he could be pulling the nightshift, and maybe slip me the occasional twenty so I could buy diapers. That had resulted in him giving me a credit card, the acquisition of the sleep-training cot, and him literally expecting to sit in the tree outside my bedroom and watch over me and Ollie. He’d been surprised when I’d given him a set of house-keys, and allowed him to bring books and a laptop over so he didn’t have to actually watch us sleep. More than one night, he’d ended up in the living room giving Ollie a bottle and reading him back to sleep. There was nothing cuter than going downstairs in the morning to find Ollie passed out asleep on Jasper’s chest, as Jasper read some heavy book over his head. 

“I want to. I love you both so, so much. This is nothing, Alice. This is just a car,” he said softly. 

“Can you two kiss so we can go inside and I can make Dad and Pa feel bad for me?” Cynthia called and I started laughing, Ollie cooing at us before giggling along with me. 

The rest of the Cullens had given no indication whether or not they would be relocating to New Hampshire any time soon, and I hadn’t asked because it wasn’t a conversation I wished to have: I was staying in Forks with my family and my son for the foreseeable future, and no amount of bribery would make me budge. 

Not that Jasper would even try, I knew that. We had talked in through and he understood that I wanted this time with my father and with Simon and with Cynthia. 

Jasper had been spending every spare moment with us, and desperately compensating for leaving me; I knew that Carlisle and Esme had given my parents half of the cost of my medical care for the pregnancy (which neither of my parents wanted to accept until I pointed out that the financial hit would affect Cynthia’s college options, not to mention finishing the house renovation. It might have been loose change to the Cullens, but that money made a difference to us.) 

[wetcatspellcaster]

The latest addition to An Honest Lie is so heartwarming, poor Astarion navigating these feelings he has for Rosalie!

Binged it and now rereading party favours which has quickly become a favourite comfort read now <3

Also, I remember seeing an Ask before, are you still happy for ppl to turn your fics into physical books?? I'd love to bookbind your works once they're completed (for personal reading only ofc)

hello darling anon! thank you for your kind words, and your question :)

i cannot stress enough, how incredibly ok and on board with bookbinding I am. as a fanfic author, bookbinding is one of those things that was on my bucket list of 'nice to haves'... things you daydream about potentially happening, a potential indicator that you've """"made it""" (whatever that means in fic terms, lol). But I didn't think I'd ever actually have the privilege of it happening. As such, it's wild to me that it's a request I now get, and it warms my heart every time. You are more than welcome to bind my stuff - if sending me photos of the finished product is a thing you're willing to do, then you can send me them and I will weep with joy! but that's not a requirement and no pressure. thank you so much for the compliment just asking this question is!

enjoy your reread x

[system-comforts]

sorry this feels dumb but i kind of need to vent/maybe ask for advice idk

so we're physically disabled, but we only have been for a few years, we've been a system for way longer and have had several older members be completely shocked at how much we've deteriorated in the past two years. it's been very very rapidly getting worse due to not getting any medical assistance, to a point where we're almost fully bedbound. it's been, honestly, traumatizing as hell to witness our entire body just deteriorate around us without being able to do anything about it. and because of that, we've been gaining new members like fucking crazy. we went from around ~150 to over 300 in the span of about the last six months alone.

the amount of headmates is fine, our internal functioning is fine and we're all okay system-wise. but i just. can't help but feel really really really guilty for just... basically forcing all of these people to slowly die with me. there are 300 other people in my brain that i am actively giving trauma to by introjecting them. i know we can't control new members appearing, but it just feels like I'm dragging everyone else with me to slowly rot in this body. we're only 21. we shouldn't be dying this fast. we don't even know what's wrong with us and within the span of two years we went from fully ablebodied to fully bedbound. it feels like our brain is just quicksand, once you're in you're just doomed. i don't want to put my other headmates in pain. i don't want them to be hurt or afraid. i hate doing this to them but if they went away i think I'd just stop functioning like i cant do anything without them and i love them all to death sending them away or having them go dormant or fusing just isn't an option it makes us all just want to cry. but i feel like we're all crabs and our body is the bucket. we're just trapped in here. i don't know what to do.

Hi there anon. I want to say your feelings are completely understandable. That is a very heavy emotional burden to carry, along with the physical difficulties you describe. I'm glad you reached out to us and glad you felt you could reach out to someone. I hope you can find others to share these thoughts with so you don't have to keep them inside all the time.

I think it's wonderful how you care for your headmates. I'm sure they care a lot about you too. I hope that you can continue to focus on the care you have for each other and continue to support each other. Whether that's changing front, talking things out together, sharing hobbies, etc. Systems can be difficult to have, especially in difficult circumstances, but they can also provide a lot of support and comfort. I hope you can keep in mind that comfort and support and know you have that with them.

As a final note, I want to say I hope you can feel not guilty, or at least less guilty, about the situation. Although some systems are more created, a lot come about naturally or through difficult circumstances, and it's not the person's fault for having a system. Even if you still feel that you brought members here somehow, it's important to keep in mind that you and your headmates couldn't have known the future of your body and the situation. We can only do our best with the information and resources we have at the time, and given all that, I know you did and are doing your best.

Please reach out again or to a professional if you continue to have these thoughts and concerns. I wish you the best.

-mod venus

[shinakazami1]

Been busy lately so I don’t have much time to review and edit, but here I am! (this was supposed to be sent on the anniversary.) (edit 1: It’s already (edit 2: halfway through) november.)

(edit 3: i gave up. words be damned, i’m sending this. there should have been more. curse you writing)

(edit 4: reminder. write a long ask anywhere else except the actual tumblr ask window. sending again just to make sure i didn’t hallucinate all this- it would be so, very embarassing...)

hehehehehe love your art. Crunchy. Pringles. Crushing it in my mouth. yummy colors and perspective (That bucket sexyman design looking kinda fine though.,..i mean who said that) (->absolutely normal behavior)

I love how you interact with others’ art, leaving your comments and compliments. Really appreciate that little motivation boost and positivity you spread :)

As seen from Paratober, you seem to take the prompts beyond their face value and messed around with the concepts of those prompts (gonna put Jester in a carton box hehe. Can we have Jester loafing? Loafing in a box?)

Personally I’m not a writer, so I don’t know how you guys’ brains work but I love how you come up with interesting ideas stemming from the game’s original material, expanding, digging deeper into them. I look up at you all in wonder hehe

Also, I read unheard wishes.

You see, I rarely ever seek out angst. I came in there with “this is gonna hurt but I can totally bring myself through this”

Boy was I wrong. Now, because I didn’t read it properly enough to leave a comment that would do it justice (time restraints get you like that), I won’t give a lengthy review. But just so you know, my general feelings were “who do you think you are. did you really think you had the right to hurt me like this. *inhales* aaaaaaaaaAA *cars crashing glass breaking sound effects idk* *lays motionless on the ground* (affectionate)”

Maybe i’ll read your filk wip next. Biology is fun :]

It’s your way with the images you make for your stories and art. Candlecurator? Whatever’s up with fernarrator? I’m not listing the ones in your writings. A lazy, lazy anon I am, I know. [insert another keyboard smash]

I haven’t been here for a while so i don’t really remember much, sorry ;; (-> fake fan detected?!? *vine boom*)

Your theories definitely left the strongest impressions on me. How do you all think like that?? (this goes to the rest of you, tsp theorists/analysts/meta. what are you all on??? damn. give me some.). Perhaps it’s a writer’s thing, maybe I’m just incompetent in this deep thinking kind of stuff.

My favourite was the nature connection theory. Absolutely ate that up. (definitely not because of my bias for plants and nature-related stuff, noooo-). You somehow connected the plants in the parable, creating these wonderful strings of text about what you saw in these plants, the implications, and then sharing those ideas to us. Give me your braincells, shina. Give me-

[Close your eyes.]

Anyway- I think you’re pretty neat :]

Have a nice day!

✨✨✨!!!!!307 ANON!!!✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

ᴬᵍᵃᶦⁿ since I was already writing a draft to respond to your previous ask. The fact you have this copy makes me hope you are saving these asks somewhere because I lost a lot of posts thanks to the great Tumblr editing system....

Happy (belated and too early at the same time hehe) anniversary 307 :] To your edits - PLEASE start writing drafts somewhere else oshsaoifas I don't want you to lose your versions again. You might say you are not a writer but you decide to write such beautiful comments and asks - value your words more :]

Anon. I have an exam this week so it will take my energy but DO KNOW YOU WILL GET BUCKET SEXYMEN SKETCH. I imagine you will see it in a few months but,,, I hope you will like it, just like you like my art in general.

I feel now in retrospect so silly I hadn't done this sooner!! While I sometimes don't have the energy to comment on other people's stuff in my own comments, I know how much joy being told your words could make someone happy :] And I love interacting like that!! Shared appreciation!!! That's why I adore Tumblr in general - it feels most organic in that ability to engage with others as a social media.

I'm glad you like the Paratober prompts! I am happy I mixed the prompts to try to get even more creative with them!! And feel free to put him in every box!! Some old art of Jester in a box:

(I gotta finally start uploading my old art I do have. There is so much...

FEEL FREE PLEASE TO LEAVE MORE COMMENTS EVEN A SILLY ONE BUT OUGHHH I am so proud of Unheard WIshes so thank you so much <333333 Glad you could enjoy

Just remember anon that I do not know your age and the rating for Filk is Mature so please respect the ratings :]]] Ao3 tagging system is there for a reason!! However I still keep on getting opinions that Filk seems to target 16+ demographic since it's more South Park style...But still, please respect it :]

Oh sure, you are so lazy *looks at your very detailed an amazing asks* so lazy. But WAH THIS IS LIKE??? A VERY RARE CANDLECURATOR APPRECIATION??? Like I know folks see Fernator and like him but to hear you like her means so much to me ;;;;;;

And hey - life gets busy :] The fact you wanted to come again, read my story and wrote this, rewrote even god knows how many times... I will always think fondly of you.

DUDE OUGH I need to return to theories, I have so many yet to share,,, you wanting one means a lot to me :} I worked hard on the Fernator theory post so I am glad to hear you could enjoy it! I might do a pool on what people could want hehe

[Closes my eyes and tries to close yours]

I think you are very neat, 307 anon. Thank you, for being you and I hope I will see you one day again. Every ask, I worry it's also a farewell. And then - you come back. I hope you are okay out there - I hope your life, even if so busy, gives you moments of happiness and calmness.

Have a lovely day, 307 :]

[fbfh]

STAR ANON HERE... I'm just curious what are your fave emo bands....

STAR ANON MY BELOVED!!!!! HOW ARE YOU DOING I MISS YOU <333 first of all, amazing question. I know the defenition of the emo genre is a little loose, but my favorite emo/pop punk bands are currently palaye royale, fall out boy (obvs), and paramore.

palaye royale own this fucking ass okay. remington leith.... ooooh my god. he has singlehandedly made me reconsider my stance on rpf. vampire!remington???? oh my god. oh my god. if I could drown in his voice I would. his cover of closer my nine inch nails actually brought about the second coming of christ. at the very end of no love in la where he goes "I SAID THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LOVE IN LaAaAyEeee-"????? dead. actually dead. the boom is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard in my life, line it up is my FUCKING ANTHEM, and dying in a hot tub live is my favorite video on the internet. I don't use the phrase "eargasm" every, but I genuinely can't think of any other way to describe remi's voice. Emerson is an amazing drummer and incredible artist (I am SO jelly of his ability to draw architecture) and Sebastian is a brilliant guitarist and is the brain cell posessor (and probably has to routinely keep remi from jumping off stuff and breaking a limb with only partial success.) the grittiness and sincerety and emotion in remington's voice really just scratches my brain in a way that nothing else does. If I could get his voice made into something tangible I would open my skull and rub my brain against it for hours. I fucking love him.

fall out boy need no introduction. "doing lines of dust and sweat off of last nights stage just to feel like you" from 27??????? lives in my head rent free. been into some of their absolute headbangers from american beauty/american psycho and infinity on high recently like novocaine, jetpack blues (i'm sorry but "do you reMEMBER HOW WE USED TO SPLIT. A. DRINK. itNEVermattEREDWHATitwas. I think." I WANT THAT TATTOOED ON MY FOREHEAD!!!!!!!), thriller (OFC) and i've got all this ringing in my ears all singlehandedly describe my brain chemistry. that's what dopamine sounds like. ALSO fourth of july will never not sound like season 3 of stranger things to me. yk all the promo art where they're all turning around???? that but in gif form while the first few notes are playing. I wish someone would make a slightly harringrove centric edit of the starcourt mall incident and the fair and everything. if anyone knows about any season 3 fourth of july edits PLEASE send them to me because "i'm starting to forget just what summer ever meant to you"????? pls

PARAMORE. FUCKING PARAMORE RAISED ME. paramore got me through my teenage years almost singlehandedly. I remember when after laughter came out. I fucking love this is why. It's almost all I've been listening to. all we know is falling???? brand new eyes???? literally paramore have ZERO SKIPS it's insane. also (maybe I just haven't heard of them) but it's really refreshing to have a female lead singer in a pop punk band bc (again as far as I'm aware) that's not as common as having a male lead singer and IF I COULD MAKE MY INNER MONOLOGUE BE HAYLEY WILLIAMS VOICE??????? PLS- listen all I wanted was you is amazing obviously but my heart?????? MY HEART?????? I wanna scream that at someone and mean it. bucket list. I can't even reccommend any paramore songs bc if I try to think of good paramore songs I'm just going to list their discography. no fucking skips and I stand by that. Hayley's solo albums also feel very twilight bella swan depression forest angst core which I FUCKING ADORE. first thing to go is tattooed in my brain, specifically paired with this scene from the greatest romcom of all time french kiss. match made in heaven.

also lip candy don't have a lot of songs out yet AS I AM TYPING THIS I JUST SAW THEY RELASED AN ALBUM????? BRB LISTENING TO THAT NOW but they sound like what I thought teenager music would sound like when I was a kid (like they nailed it fucking perfectly) and have a very nostalgic feeling and sound to them which I adore. if you stay home and never be the same fucking slap. they slap and a half. it's giving demigod adventurecore roadtrip music.