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poisonousdelights · 11 days ago

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PARTIES: Isa (@poisonousdelights) and Anita (@gossipsnake) TIME: Late August/Early September WHERE: The woods SUMMARY: Isa almost runs over Anita while in snake form and the two women start to talk about the young girl's lack of knowledge. Someone else comes along to demonstrate the dangers both women face. WARNINGS: None

Summertime was Anita’s favorite time of year and it always kept her busy. The vast majority of her free time was spent out in the forest. If she wasn’t out there studying insect migration or reproductive patterns she was spending her days observing how distinct variables impact decomposition rates of organic matter. And when she wasn’t doing either of those things she was enjoying the fact that the warmer weather meant she could spend more time outside in her true form, slithering along the freshly sprouted grass as she blended in with the natural world around her.

Today was an insect observation day, however. Even though classes were out for the semester and she had somehow lucked into not having any summer semester courses, Anita was always looking for ways to improve her lesson plans. The day had been rather mundane but in that pleasantly predictable way where you feel like you could guess what was going to happen next with absolute accuracy. After several hours of observing a colony of ants, she was just about ready to pack things up for the day when something deliciously unexpected cut through the monotony of her afternoon.

Had she been partially shifted she would have sensed the heat signature of another lamia sooner, but Anita often liked to conduct her observations the way her students would see things - like boring humans. The other snake barreled through the forest so suddenly that it caused Anita to jump back slightly, something she hoped the other did not mistake for fear. “Out for a casual stroll are ya?” She asked sarcastically as she calmly began to gather up her notebook and pens and shoved them away in her backpack. She was trying to act rather cool about the situation but every bit of the lamia’s body was buzzing with excitement as she stood before another snake. Not a rattlesnake, sure, but damn it was a glorious sight to see. She looked up at the viper with a smirk, “Lotta space out here, any particular reason you’re trying to cozy up here with me?”

It was her first hunt since returning to Wicked’s Rest, Isa now a little more comfortable with her movements in snake form than she had been before. It was amazing what a few months could do for a new lamia. Sure, she still had some trouble with her shifting but navigating her large body through a tight forest had become a rising source of confidence. So much so that she usually found herself racing through the expanse of trees without a care now, loving the feeling that came with weaving through the trees.

So, it came as a surprise when a woman came into view, Isa moving too quickly to try and keep herself hidden. Who was she kidding? She was too large to do that anyway. Stopping after realizing she’d startled the other, her head lift from the ground and turned towards her, hoping she wouldn’t scare the other even more.

But she wasn’t scared. Instead the woman looked at her with an air of amusement which took Isa by surprise. She was even more surprised when the woman spoke to her, the snake's head tilting as she studied the one closer to the ground. She knew of lamia, wasn’t scared of them at all it seemed, which meant so many things to the girl. “Um, I didn’t know you were out here. I’m sorry for almost bowling you over.” Her upturned nose moved closer to the woman, more out of curiosity than anything since she knew the other wouldn’t be scared. You could almost see the ghost of a smile pulling at Isa’s scales. “How did you know I could talk? I didn’t even know for a while.”

“You didn’t know I was out here?” Oh that was adorable. She was either new or just woefully untrained. It took a moment, but Anita recalled her conversation with Wyatt about some snake lamia he encountered, someone who was the first in their bloodline to turn - could this be the same woman? “Sure, I was crouched down, quiet, but I’m radiating all of this body heat,” she said as she gestured generally to her human form. After putting the rest of her things back in her pack, Anita zipped it up and put it on her back so she could dedicate her attention to the far more interesting situation that was occurring in front of her.

Her eyes danced over the scales of the other lamia. She was absolutely stunning. The deep browns and soft tans of her overlapping scales falling into a criss-cross pattern, the slightly upturned nose, the slightly keeled scales around her head. She may not rattle, but Anita knew a fellow pitviper when she saw one. Genus bothrops, undoubtedly. Oh but what species was she? She was so consumed by her own thoughts, her own excitement, that she almost missed the question. “You didn’t try to talk? For how long? You just … didn’t even try?” Oh this poor, sweet, beautiful, pitviper.

“Mi pequeña víbora…” Anita said with a soft and slightly concerned expression. “How new is this for you?”

“Right, right, the body heat. I mean, I see it now.” Isa was embarrassed. She hadn’t met many people who knew much about lamia except for the gator in the woods. He’d seemed more offended about her views on this curse than anything so she hadn’t wanted to continue questioning him but this woman already seemed to be way more knowledgeable with this subject than Isa was. The snake didn’t miss the way the other eyed her, like she was beautiful in this form, and appreciation started to bubble up into what she could only describe as her chest. Oh, she wanted to know this woman. She needed to know this woman.

She lowered her head to be more level with her, inching closer as if to tell the other that she could touch her if she wanted. “I didn’t think animals could talk so I thought that applied to me too.” She would have shrugged if she had arms to try and make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. But that embarrassment kept multiplying. Isa didn’t really want to admit how long it took her to figure this part out.

‘My little viper.’ Her whole body softened at those words. The tightness she’d felt coiling throughout was all but gone as she relaxed completely. It might have been foolish to put all of her trust into this perfect stranger but the affection those words held were enough for Isa to do so. “Almost two years.” She whispered the words, her head falling completely to the forest floor. “I should know more, shouldn’t I? I don’t know who did this to me and I don’t know anyone else who’s like this. I mean, I know one person but she’s not too interested in teaching me about it. She calls herself my mentor though…”

Two years? Anita’s heart, as cold as it was even in this form, sank slightly. How much of that time did the other lamia not even try to speak? How much of that time did she not understand all of the exceptional skills that she possessed? “A lot of people call themselves a lot of things in this world. You can call yourself anything - words are just words. Your mentor is clearly not mentoring. That is a shame.” If this was the same woman Wyatt had told her about, Isa, then she was the first of her lineage. Anita couldn’t imagine the loneliness that must accompany that. Even though she was so disconnected from her own nest, she knew that they were out there.

Teacher at heart, and supporter of all lamia at her utmost core, Anita decided to offer an impromptu lesson. “Okay, okay. So, you know you can speak now. Brilliant. Out here in these woods, though, you really should be putting that heat vision to better use, mami.” Deciding not to shift yet, mostly to save that as a fun little treat for later, Anita continued. “So eventually you will learn how to identify different species by their temperatures - there are subtle differences for some but it’s notable if you pay attention. For now, just do a quick look all the way around us. I suspect there will be several small mammals, birds, maybe some larger game a bit further out. But take a look and tell me what you see.”

Shame, embarrassment, regret, it all coursed through her as the other spoke. Isa so badly wanted someone in her life who would teach her the ins and outs of what she was that she had clung to her ‘mentor’ even while being neglected. This other person was right. Paula could call herself whatever she wanted but until the actions matched she wasn’t someone Isa should look up to. Seemed like common sense and yet she’d let it slide for too long.

But here was this other woman offering assistance. The snake raised her head again, surprise joining the flurry of emotion when she realized that she was being offered help by this stranger. For a moment, she just stared at the woman, blinking to show that it had been unexpected, but she was eager enough to learn that she didn’t question the help. Looking around, she started to pay better attention to the infrared her reptilian eyes blessed her with. “I see a…fox, I think. It looks like a fox. A nest of birds to the left.” Isa paused, turning her head behind them to see what she had already passed without realizing. “There’s a couple of squirrels and maybe a raccoon that way.” She thought it was a raccoon…could have been a skunk though and she was sure she had missed a few things here and there as more signatures darted around in the periphery of her vision. “Yea, I wasn’t paying attention at all, was I?’

A promising student, Anita thought. She’d been around enough students by this point in her life to tell when someone was interested in learning, when someone was open to guidance. Maybe it would be nice to have someone to share her knowledge with. “I’m sure you were paying attention, but maybe not to the most important things.”

If she had been living in this town for two years without better use of her skills it would have been rather incredible if she hadn’t found herself in some dangerous situations yet. Or maybe she had, and slithered her way out of them. Lamia were quite resilient. “I’m Anita,” she offered with a warm smile. “A friend of mine mentioned a snake he met a little while back named Isa… I’ve got a feeling that might be you?” Anita knew it was possibly a mistake mentioning Wyatt, even off-handedly, since she wasn’t entirely positive how their interaction had gone. She figured that she had earned enough grace on her own to counteract any negative associations, though.

“This mentor you have, she’s not family I take it? Doesn’t seem like she seems particularly motivated to ensure you have proper survival skills. It’s a lot to try and figure out on your own, no?”

Someone had mentioned her? She’d met a few people who knew about her at this point but the ‘he’ was the biggest tell. Somehow most of the ones that knew she could turn into a snake were women. “Did he happen to be a lamia too? An alligator?” Because she couldn’t quite remember his name at this point, the only thing coming to mind was Mistor Gator because of Maggie’s fondness. “He kind of showed me I could talk, actually. If that’s him, I mean. I am Isa though, you’re right about that.” She lowered so that she could nudge her nose against Anita’s hand, letting the woman know she was grateful for the guidance she had already given her. Even that one little tidbit was better than anything Paula had given her.

Speaking of, she shook her head at the woman’s question. “She’s just someone I happened to meet when I first started changing. I think she just didn’t want someone who couldn’t control her shifts running around and exposing us.” Which…Isa still couldn’t fully control them. She was fine with the little things most of the time but completely shifting back took some work. “I don’t really have a lot of family…at least none that are speaking to me.” She had Violet but her sister knew nothing about what she was even after Isa had lived with her for a few months. The older girl had enough to worry about when it came to her. “It is a lot.”

One of those heat signatures that Anita was just teaching her about moved near her left, a larger one that she hadn’t seen before. She turned her head just in time to see a man moving towards her, putting himself between the two of them. Not just a man, a threat. He was coming at her too aggressively for him to be friendly. She hissed, rearing back and ready to strike.

“That’s the one.” Anita replied with a bit of a smirk, there weren’t many of them but it was rather wonderful to have a growing number of lamia nearby. Especially ones who seemed open to the idea of community. She had met several lamia since leaving home that wanted to be solitary creatures, maybe Isa’s supposed mentor was one of those. Lamia together were stronger than lamia apart, that much she knew to be true. “He’s a character, for sure. But we have to stick together out here.”

There it was again, another tug to Anita’s chest. Not having family that were speaking to her was something she could relate to just as intimately as she could relate to being a lamia. It was almost overwhelming, in fact. As alone as Anita felt being separated from her family, it was ultimately a choice that she had made and it was after growing up surrounded by the support and the training of how to be true to herself as the mojave rattlesnake while also keeping herself safe. She didn’t know how lost she would be in life if not for that foundation.

Before Anita could say anything else, though, motion came out of nowhere and a man appeared before her and without turning his attention away from Isa called out to her, “It’ll be okay ma’am, step back!” Anger boiled up inside of her instantly. Anger at herself for not being more alert, for letting herself get distracted, for not shifting sooner - but mostly anger at this human posing a threat to her newfound friend.

Her eyes darted towards Isa immediately as they shifted to their lamia form, done both as an indication to the other woman that she had her back and so that Anita could make sure there were no other people lurking around them. “Maybe you should step back. That’s a mighty big snake there, sir…,” she retorted with a sternness in her voice. The man didn’t flinch, however, and he didn’t dare turn his gaze away from Isa.

As if to back up Anita’s words towards the man, Isa opened her mouth wide to showcase the long fangs she possessed. She didn’t want to hurt him but with his advance she knew that was where this was heading. The sad part? He thought he was protecting Anita from her. Could Isa really blame him for that? She was very large and very dangerous, a fact made clear as venom dripped from one of her fangs. Another warning. If he didn’t back off soon she was going to have to do the unthinkable and most likely murder this man.

That made her pause. How unfair that he was trying to protect someone he thought was in danger only to put himself in that very danger he’d feared. She found Anita, almost as if asking the woman what she should do in this situation, only to see that her eyes had switched to something very recognizable.

Another pause. She was lamia too?

Of course she was. That made so much sense. She knew too much about what Isa was to not be involved in some way she just hadn’t realized it was because she was one herself. Again, she waited to see what would happen, looking for that guidance that Anita had been so willingly offering to her earlier because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt someone else. “I can handle it, trust me.” His voice reached her again causing Isa to crouch her head lower. She sent another hiss as a warning, trying her best to get him to back off. “Anita…what do I do?”

For a moment, Anita watched the other lamia, wondering what she would do with the clear threat facing her. Mouth open, fangs bared, venom dripping - it was all the ingredients necessary for a delicious meal. But the other pit-viper did not act. She did not strike even when there was room to do so. Instead she kept giving warnings. It was difficult for her to figure out if she was nervous to kill the man generally or simply nervous to do so around Anita.

Warnings only go so far, though. Your typical human might run off at the threat, sure. But a hunter? Who thinks that he is protecting someone from danger? Anita had encountered too many of them to know better. They do not back down until they are put down.

When Isa asked Anita what to do, it became clear that she was not willing to do what was necessary. It also, unfortunately, tipped the hunter off that what he had come across was not quite what he had presumed. “Who the fuck is Anita?” He asked, starting to look around for other people. Sighing slightly, an unconscious sign of her slight disappointment, Anita let her own fangs shift out. Taking a step forward towards the hunter, giving a wink to Isa, she whispered in his ear, “I’m Anita.”

Before he could react, though, her fangs were already plunged into the soft squishy skin of his neck and depositing a fatal amount of neuro and hemotoxic venom into his body. The body slid to the ground as the hunter began to lose all motor function and Anita stepped over it to go back over towards Isa. “In a way, he’s just taught you a critical key to survival. Never presume to know any situation you walk into. Never presume you know what the biggest threat is based solely on appearances.”

The answer to her question was not the answer Isa had been hoping for. Slowly, her mouth closed as Anita’s fangs sunk into the man’s skin, eyes softening as much as they could as a snake while she watched the poison do its work. Taking a life had never been an option for Isa Caceres, especially after what she had gone through when most of the town thought she’d already killed Ruth, but Anita had done it so easily. But in all fairness, the woman had just stopped someone from killing one of her own…could she blame her for that?

Maybe. It wasn’t like the man didn’t know that the snake wasn’t a danger. Most people when faced with something like Isa would probably have reacted the same way. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to be angry with the other lamia. It wasn’t like that time with Mateo. She couldn’t have just walked away and let things go. This man had been determined even with the warnings he’d received. “I…how much of a threat could he have been?” But she knew. Even with teeth bared, Isa wouldn’t have made the move that she needed to in order to survive. She’d always thought of herself as one of those, a survivor, but now she wasn’t so sure.

Now she was afraid she would have to go through with something like that at least once in her lifetime. “How often does that happen? I don’t know of a lot of people are bold enough to go after someone as big as us.” Looking directly at Anita, trying her best to take her eyes away from the man on the ground, she knew she needed the woman now more than ever. Her mentor had taken her as far as she could, now it was time to move on to another if they were willing. “I think…I think I’m going to need your help with this. Like, more than just today.”

The naivete of the other lamia would have been cute if it didn’t also mean she was a risk to herself. Anita couldn't fault her too much, though. Isa wasn’t born into this life the way she had been, she didn’t understand how dangerous some humans could be because nobody ever properly taught her. It made her think about the first lamia in her family, Paloma, and she couldn’t help but wonder how lonely it must have been to be the first. That was the burden of a matriarch, though.

“He was a hunter,” Anita said in response to the foolish question about how much of a threat the man could have been. “There are some who’s entire mission in life is to kill our kind, or others who are blessed with being not human. Like it or not, the bigger you are the more people who want to see you fall. It’s survival of the fittest, mi pequeña víbora.” “Yes, that is quite apparent.” Anita responded, silently pleased that the other lamia was clearly willing to be receptive to her teachings. “But also not your fault. I cannot imagine how it must be to have gone through this transformation without real guidance. My family, well, I come from several generations of lamia. The way of our kind was ingrained in me since birth, lessons on survival. If you’re willing to learn - I’m willing to teach.” After all, what was better than one fearsome lamia? Two.

#Threads #Thread: Anita #One Snake Two Snake

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dadjokestop · 2 months ago

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When it comes to humor, Black culture has always been at the forefront, from legendary comedians to viral social media posts. If you're here looking for funny Black people jokes, you're in for a treat! Now, just to clarify—these jokes are all about celebrating the wit, humor, and brilliance in Black culture, not poking fun in a negative way. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh with us! A Reminder: Laughter is Universal Before we jump into the jokes, it's important to remember that humor is something that unites us all. In Black culture, laughter has often been a source of healing, resilience, and joy, passed down through generations. So let’s laugh with, not at! Why Do We All Love Funny Black People Jokes? Because they hit differently. They’re smart, witty, and often speak to shared experiences that resonate across the board. And honestly, who can deliver a punchline like a seasoned Black auntie at a family reunion? Exactly. Joke 1: What Happens When a Black Mom Calls Your Full Name? You immediately get a Ph.D. in obedience. There’s something about hearing your full government name that makes you rethink all of your life choices. Joke 2: How Long Does It Take a Black Family to Say Goodbye at a Cookout? Three hours minimum. First, there's the standing up part. Then the lingering. Then the "oh wait, one more thing." By the time you leave, you’ve eaten again. Joke 3: Why Do Black People Always Keep Their Thermostat at 68 Degrees? Because energy bills hit harder than a lecture from your grandma. Ain’t nobody trying to pay extra for heat! "Wear a sweater," they said. Joke 4: Why Don’t Black People Play Hockey? Because we already ice skate every winter trying to avoid the landlord. Rent is due, and we’re just out here gliding past the notices. Joke 5: What Do Black People Call "Taking a Nap"? Just “resting their eyes.” And you better not make a sound while they’re doing it! Joke 6: How Do You Know a Black Auntie Made the Potato Salad? Because it’s sprinkled with love, soul, and a WHOLE lotta paprika. Nobody knows what it does, but it feels necessary. Joke 7: What’s a Black Dad’s Favorite Line? “You got McDonald’s money?” You better not ask for anything when the fridge is full of leftovers. Joke 8: Why Do Black People Take Church So Seriously? Because the pastor might preach, but the real gospel comes from the choir! Those harmonies will make you catch the Holy Ghost before the sermon even starts. Joke 9: How Do Black Moms Always Know What You’re Doing? Because they’ve got eyes in the back of their heads... and your aunties are snitches. One phone call and the entire family knows your business. Joke 10: Why Do Black People Never Let Go of Their Old School Jams? Because Luther Vandross and Anita Baker raised us. Those tunes got us through heartbreaks, Saturday cleaning, and Sunday soul food dinners. Joke 11: What’s the Secret Ingredient in Every Black Family Recipe? “Don’t worry about it, just eat!” You’ll never know, and you better not ask! Joke 12: How Do You Know It’s About to Rain? Black people can smell it. "Smells like rain," they say, as they predict the weather better than the meteorologist. Joke 13: Why Do Black People Wear Bonnets to Bed? Because hair care is a sacred ritual, and we don’t mess around with our edges. No bonnet, no peace. Joke 14: Why Do Black Moms Always Have That One Wooden Spoon? It’s multi-purpose. Cooking, discipline, you name it. If you see her reach for it, you already know it’s over. Joke 15: How Do You Know You’re at a Black BBQ? When the line dance kicks off. It doesn’t matter if it’s the “Electric Slide” or “Cupid Shuffle,” everyone’s on the floor. Joke 16: Why Do Black People Always Have Plastic On Their Furniture? Because we protect our stuff like we protect our kids. That couch will outlive you, your kids, and maybe even your grandkids.

Joke 17: What’s the Fastest Way to Start a Family Argument? Ask who makes the best mac and cheese. You might lose some friends and family over that debate. Joke 18: Why Do Black Grandmas Have So Many Spices? Because bland food is a sin. If it’s not seasoned, is it even food? Joke 19: Why Do Black Families Always Have Big Sunday Dinners? Because food is how we show love. And there’s always enough for an extra plate or two. Just ask, “You want something to eat?” Joke 20: Why Do Black People Always Arrive Fashionably Late? Because being on time is optional, but looking good is mandatory. We don’t rush greatness! Joke 21: What’s a Black Auntie’s Favorite Saying? “Stay outta grown folks’ business.” And you better do exactly that unless you want to catch a side-eye from across the room. Joke 22: Why Do Black People Watch Scary Movies Like It’s a Comedy? Because we already know who’s going to get caught first. You hear that noise in the basement? Nope, not today! Joke 23: What’s a Black Kid’s Superpower? Dodging the belt when momma reaches for it. Reflexes on point, because you never know when you’ll need to duck. Joke 24: Why Do Black People Clap Their Hands When They Talk? For emphasis, baby! It just makes the point hit harder. You know they mean business when the hands start clapping. Joke 25: Why Do Black People Always Greet Each Other Like Long Lost Cousins? Because every Black person you meet is family until proven otherwise. We’ve got cousins all over, real or imagined. Joke 26: What’s the Official Black People Time Zone? “CP Time.” That’s “Colored People Time,” and it means we’re showing up whenever we feel like it. Joke 27: How Do You Know You’re About to Hear Some Wisdom? When a Black elder starts with, “Back in my day...” You better listen up, ‘cause you’re about to learn something. Joke 28: Why Do Black Moms Always Have Vaseline in Their Purse? Because dry skin doesn’t stand a chance. A little dab and you’re shining for the rest of the day. Joke 29: What’s a Black Person’s Favorite Excuse for Being Late? “I was just around the corner.” Spoiler: They’re still 15 minutes away. Joke 30: How Do You Know a Black Dad Loves You? When he shows up to your event with a folding chair and a thermos. That’s Black dad language for “I got you.” Conclusion: Funny Black People Jokes Bring Us Together There you have it—30 of the best funny Black people jokes to brighten your day. Whether it’s the timeless wit of a Black auntie or the classic humor of a Black dad, these jokes remind us how humor is deeply woven into the fabric of Black culture. It’s more than just a laugh; it’s a shared experience, a way to bond, and sometimes even a survival tool. So the next time you need a laugh, remember these funny Black people jokes—they never disappoint!

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