#angelsfield

[ivo3d]

[freelanews-blog]

Breeding Science Students

🎼🎼🎼 Won ti po chemical po, awon mo science students Kosewe, kosegbo, kosewe, kosegbo Kosewe, kosegbo, kosewe, kosegbo Won ti po'mi gutter po, oju ti dirty🎼🎼🎼 The popular hip hop artiste, Olamide a.k.a Baddo, is one musician that has sung songs on drugs and people are torn between accusing him promoting drug abuse and creating awareness about the scourge. Olamide is one musician I like any time, any day and any mood I find myself. So, forgive me if it appears I am going to be subjective in this regards. Personally, I believe he has done more in creating awareness of the vibrant, even thriving ‘drug abuse industry’ out there by people of all ages, all socio-economic standing, religions, across all ethnic divides. This abuse takes the form of people using different pharmaceutical and psychochemical substances- pawpaw leaves, Indian Hemp Marijuana--igbo, heroin, Tramadol, alcohol, cough syrup and ‘omi gutter’ (some go as far as inhaling gases from sewage soakaway/septic tanks) included, among others. My focus, however, as it has been since I started inundating you with my thoughts on children, is on how they are readily getting into drugs these days. That is where the title from Olamide’s song, Science Students, comes in. Society seems to be creating a time-bomb, a tsunami it is seemingly oblivious of. From parents to friends, opinion moulders to celebrities, etc., through our actions, inactions, reactions, negligence, silence and complacence, we are complicit in ‘breeding science students’ and creating juvenile junkies at an alarming rate. Olamide’s Science Students are actually the army of growing junkies and drug addicts in our society today. In recent times, a BBC documentary brought to the fore the very endemic nature of this scourge in Nigeria How so? A disturbing video surfaced on Facebook some days ago. A mother who presumably carried her child-a boy, for nine solid months; a mother who I feel should naturally want the best for her child; a mother who should strive towards making her child ‘somebody’ in life, was feeding him a bottle of Hero lager. For those who don’t know, Hero is a beer brand from the stables of SABMiller Plc. The proud mother in the video was quick to tell onlookers who seem to have a kind of bemused amusement at the ‘child drinking prodigy’s prowess, that her little boy, who is not more than four, consumes two bottles of that lager at a sitting! For an adult I know pegging the limit of his beer consumption to three bottles at most, I must certainly doff my hat even though it is for something I consider very negative. Yet another video showed a man from one of these East Asian countries feeding a toddler beer. This toddler has grown to like the 'beverage' so much that she (I think it’s a girl) will not drink from her feeding bottle. For the avoidance of doubt, these little children are already into drugs. A few years back, I told a group of people that alcohol generally is a drug. “No way,” they disagreed. So I had to unearth Wikipedia’s definition of what drugs are: “A drug is any substance (other than food that provides nutritional support) that, when inhaled, injected, smoked, consumed, absorbed via a patch on the skin, or dissolved under the tongue causes a physiological (and often psychological) change in the body. Key words for me there are physiological and psychological change. When beer is consumed, does it cause physiological and psychological change? The answer is a definite yes! Now that we have established that fact, I go back on track. I have seen what drugs can do to adults first hand, let alone what it can do to children. I can relate an experience of a young boy who had the unfortunate experience of getting addicted to smoking cigarettes at a very young age. He was barely seven when he began to smoke it. Something that started as ‘catching harmless fun’ with playmates using sticks of grasses in the cold of Jos, Plateau State, soon blossomed into trying a real cigarette one day, and the rest, as they say, is history. To maintain his newly found addiction, he had to steal from both parents to make ends meet. He graduated to finishing a pack in less than two days at a time! Unfortunately for him-or so he thought at that time, he got caught. Interestingly, and according to the young adult, his father who had beat the addiction to cigarettes was on hand to guide me out of the habit. The process, I assure you is a tale for another day. Now, you will agree with me that these children have been led to drugs by the very people God has made their custodians, their parents. If you follow Pastor Tony Rapu, a medical doctor, filmmaker, life coach and the Senior Pastor of the House of Freedom and the works he does with drug abuse victims on Instagram, you will understand that the problem at hand is endemic! No one is spared, no matter the disposition, bias and echelon of life they belong. Some of the victims he worked on were runaways from very rich families. Permit me to share a very insightful and of course, incisive account from an unknown author. The source, Whatsapp: I'm probably one if not the youngest here so permit me to speak up. I attended Kings College Lagos and graduated in the 1990's. A lot of our parents had no clue how some of us were already drunk by 10am in school or how we smoked a pack of Benson and Hedges per day at age 15. They had no clue how we scaled fences from our Victoria Island campus to Bar beach in the mornings to smoke weed and visit prostitutes at Lekki beach, literally waking them up to lay with them. I smoked weed once at age 16 for the first time when a classmate named Danjuma took us to Bar-beach and introduced us to it. That day happened to be my last time by some stroke of luck or my mother’s prayers. For some weird reason I despised the uncontrolled actions of my friends after we returned to school and vowed not to be like them. I was told I didn't smoke the weed well hence my calmness so I was invited back the next day but I declined. Danjuma never finished school. Mo is dead. John is a nuisance till date and a full junkie. Atu who was raised at 1004 is roaming the streets of the Island raving mad. This all started in 1994. This is 25 years after and it's amazing how naive some parents are- end of story. The truth is, drugs abuse has evolved assuming different dimension. Interestingly however, the peer pressure and influence still remain. Children have a daunting task in school facing peer pressure influence to do drugs. Songs, movies and television programmes are not helping matters. With more internet connected mobile phones at hand and the fast rising presence of children on social media (some parents actually encourage their children to use more of it), among others, parents have their work cut out for them. As the times gets harder, parents, like the hunter that must learn to shoot without missing, need to do more, become more vigilant and take more interest in the affairs of their children. As a psychologist myself, the major work of parenting is done by the time the child is 13 years old, even though they only become confident enough to show their true character much later. The truth of this position is one I can readily relate to. During an enlightenment engagement, I was at a loss on how I would pass ‘sensitive’ information on drug use and sexual health to most of my students who will come from the junior classes. You can imagine my shock when I found out that my trepidation was unfounded as many of my students have crossed the Rubicon as far as these issues were concerned! Imagine my students schooling me on the new ingenious ways of getting ‘high’! The truth is these children, at some point, know so much more than we give them credit for and they have seen or even experienced more than we imagine possible! As a child, I knew much more than my parents gave me credit for. We need to be extra vigilant and engage our children like never before not in arguments but from a place of knowledge about repercussions of certain actions. Drug abuse prevention starts with parents learning how to talk with their children about difficult topics. Equip them enough to be able to answer any question friends may ask in a bid to sway them or bend them to do their bidding. Believe me, this is very important. It makes absolutely no sense to lie to them. They will try to find out from their friends and then expose your lies. As an example, a young innocent boy, let us call him Tayo, once asked his mom where babies came from. Without hesitation, she told him that when couples get married, they pray to God every day and when they are asleep in the night, an angel drops the child at their house before they wake. He believed her story wholeheartedly- why wouldn’t he? His mother will not lie to him… or so he thought. Well, it happened he entered into an argument with his friend, whose father recently remarried after the death of his mother. He gave him the graphical details of what married couples do before they have children. How did he know? He peeped when his parents were at it. Other friends corroborated his story, and that was it! So Tayo came into the conclusion that if he needed genuine answers to his questions, his friends will readily provide them. Also, parents should learn to become their children’s best friends… listen to them and talk to them. I have vowed to become my own children’s best friends because mine were not to be. My father is over sixty and retired, yet, when I talk with him, I punctuate with ‘sir’ and still hold this air of formal reverence for him. I have never hugged that man-now this was never a problem. Thankfully, I didn’t grow to become something negative but I was never able to share things I consider sensitive with him. Do help your child make good choices and good friends. Children are more easily influenced by those they move with. Help them choose their friends. As a child, I never liked that my parents chose my friends for me: but today, I am grateful they did as some of the persons they warned me against ended up on the wrong side of society and the law. Teach your child different ways to say “No!” and mean it. More importantly, you as their parents are the strongest influence that they have. There is no guarantee that your child will not do drugs, but drug use is much less likely to happen if you provide guidance and clear rules about not using drugs, spend time with them and avoid using tobacco or other drugs yourself. Popular American Novelist, James Baldwin once noted that children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. How fittingly true! More importantly, after we have done all these, we must pray for them too. It's a tough time to be a parent but it was never easy in the first place. I hope you enjoyed and learnt from this week’s reflections? Please leave your comments below or reach me on ….. Enjoy the week(end). Read the full article

[rjonred-blog]

#boho #bohimian #angelsfield (at Angelfields)

[freelanews-blog]

Child Discipline: Why Do We Shout?

My previous weeks musing or better still, reflections centred on children and things that affects them-exercise and self-esteem. This week’s will slightly be different as I want to take a close look at shouting…yes, you read right, shouting. A few days back, I took time out to dash to Ogunlana Drive, somewhere in Surulere to see a friend. I went by public transport to avoid the stress of driving through the impossible-to-avoid traffic that is a regular feature on Lagos roads. The bus I entered was relatively new for a Lagos Danfo- a fact that got it filled up immediately. Our ride was going sweetly and smoothly until the bus conductor started collecting fares-one hundred naira. One passenger was ‘unfortunate’ to bring out one thousand naira note. This appeared to be a cardinal sin in our conductor’s bible as he began to should at the passenger who seemingly did not expect the reaction. The passenger quickly got over his surprise and match the conductor tone to tone, decibel to decibel and expression to expression. Soon, our bus was a shouting match between conductor and passenger, those who are trying to diffuse the situation, a select few who were justifying the conductor’s ‘grievance and those justifying the passenger’s returned outburst. In the midst of that melee, I observed that the woman sitting between the passenger and the conductor had brought out a change of four N200 notes. I equally sighted the unmistakable colours of our hundred naira bill in her hands. The woman had found the solution to the ‘problem’ at hand but the two ‘warring’ parties were too far gone as they had worked themselves into a fine temper and were already spoiling for a fight. The long and short of this was that I alighted at my bus stop and went my way, wondering if both parties succeeded in achieving anything meaningful through their vocal exercise. I thought my encounter with shouting matches for the day were over after I left the bus, I was wrong. My friend who I will like to call Tunde for the sake of protecting his anonymity (I hope he doesn’t read this), was also having vocal ‘warfare’ with Tinuke (not real name) while I was at the door knocking. I had to knock really loudly before I got their attention. My friend’s embarrassed looks when he opened the door for me was enough compensation for my time wasted waiting. Tinuke had disappeared to one of the rooms with her crying 16months (thereabout) toddler when I entered the house. Back home in the comfort of my room, I tried putting aside the happenings of the day as I flipped through my WhatsApp messages. Usually when I do this, I just discard forwarded messages, copied messages or the type-amen-if-you… messages. But I came across one that resonated with events of the day. I will narrate it as much as I remember. Here goes:

A saint asked his disciples, ‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’ Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’ ‘But, why do you shout when the other person is just next to you?‘ asked the saint. ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’ Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint. Finally he explained, ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the louder they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’ Then the saint asked, ‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’ The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’ The story ended with a moral: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return. Hmm, that is reflective. I do have sincere questions that require sincere answers though here, they are just rhetoric questions. How would you define shouting (I am not shouting is many people’s response when they are doing this sometimes.)? Have you ever been at the receiving end of someone shouting? Do you consider yourself to be someone that frequently shouts? Have you ever used shouting to rebuke, correct, or reprimand another? Have you ever found yourself uncontrollably shouting? If so, you are in good company, because a large percentage of our society continues to utilize shouting. Yet what good comes from shouting and losing personal self-control? A recent study in the Journal of Child Development found that children who are raised in an environment that shouting is the normal way of life, have a higher probability of developing psychological issues and conditions. Moreover, when parents and guardians purposefully use shouting as a source of correction and discipline; the children have an increased risk of developing a number of psychological issues: including behavioural problems, anxiety, stress and depression. Researchers and clinicians disagree on the benefits and the harm of shouting. Naturally, they almost all agree that shouting to protect someone from real and certain harm, threat or even a perceived danger is acceptable. While there are a variety of reasons that one may find themselves shouting; this article is looking specifically at shouting as a source of chastising, rebuking or correcting another. Researchers are now discovering that shouting in relationship to discipline, can prove as vile as any other form of abuse. Further, researchers have found that shouting seldom eliminates or alleviates an issue; nor does it cause the yeller’s triggers to subside.

WHY DO WE SHOUT? For many, shouting, screaming, belittling, and personal name calling are justifiable means to get others, especially children to do what we want. In fact, it is very common for a yeller to be a screamer, belittler, and a name caller. As a society, we justify such behaviours by excusing them as care, protection and motivation, but the reality is, there is seldom an environment with which shouting is justifiable. What would be considered a justifiable reason for shouting? As a society, we have created a justifiable list of reasons with which shouting is permissible and acceptable. The list often includes: Parental correction and discipline For coaches, teachers, or instructors: desire to inspire his or her students An employer’s rebuking and correction To gain the attention of another To assert oneself over another To incite or stir up emotions To encourage or stimulate a particular outcome Etc As a specie, we are emotionally driven, impulsive, confrontational, and fundamentally influenced by opposition. While as a specie we are driven by opposition; shouting and verbal confrontations rarely positively inspire or motivate another. When attempting to motivate through negative reinforcement, the stimulus evokes and provokes strong emotions. Such emotions are negative and resistant in nature rather than positively influenced. If we motivate through a positive, encouraging and persuasive approach, we are more apt to create a positively influenced environment. Shouting has an ability of conditioning those who are receiving or engaging in the act. It is the nature of shouting that makes it reflective of other forms of corporal punishment. The intent of corporal punishment is to deliberately and severely correct, chastise, rebuke or reprimand another. The complexity of shouting is its dichotomy of objectives. Shouting can be used as a source of rebuke and chastisement; it can be used as a source of expressing excitement, eagerness, and exuberance; and/or it can be used to draw attention to a threat, risk, and/or communicate an emergency. Shouting is seldom a singular event. According to the study I quoted earlier, people who choose to shout, frequently and repetitively use it as a form of conditioning others to meet a specific set of expectations or desires. The conditioning is being used in order to develop obedience or compliance of another. Shouting in the corrective form is always unnecessary, excessive, and tiresome. As an educationist, I have no reservations in saying, that shouting decays the human spirit. It breaks the essence of the person receiving the vice, and it is unbecoming of the person enacting or engaging in the tantrum. Yes, in most cases, shouting is a tantrum being propelled from one person and being received by another. Shouting is one of the most reprehensible acts of abuse. Well, that it for this week. Perhaps you have a contribution, question…whatever, you can reach on…… See you next week! Read the full article