#androcur

[shirley-red]

[everythingissomewhatrepaired]

Here is a comic about being cold. Thanks as ever to the wonderful angels who support the comics. If you want to join them linktr DOT ee SLASH tomorjudy

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Everything is Somewhat Repaired: Why am i so cold? CW: Meds

Winter is here and you would need a geologist to count the layers I'm wearing. (alt: A mountain with rock layers wearing a scarf. Fossils in the rock layers, a dinosaur skull and spine, a fern and a trilobite.)

1. My T blockers are repurposed blood pressure medications, meaning that they're are lowering my normal blood pressure, meaning my fingers and toes are pale little ghosts. (alt: a raised hand with a red watch band, the fingers have become blob ghosts)

2. I blasted all the insulating fur off my face with lasers. (alt: A 1950's looking ray gun shooting a red laser beam.)

3. Or is it all an elaborate excuse to have your frozen ghosts warmed up in the hands of a hot blooded cutie? (alt: holding hands, one hand blue and one hand red)

[iel-ciel]

Androkur

Alternative bestellbar

[maranull]

this isn't headache, this is headpain

i'm in pain

[azulcrescent]

Hi, it may be a little personal but how do you even get hrt appointments in Myanmar. I'm just curious. I don't know how one can get the prescription. I also wished for your good luck in current Myanmar situation. I'm also from Myanmar so I know how tiring it must be for you too.

I debated whether to send this through dms, but im going to answer this as an ask in case other people from Myanmar are wondering how to get HRT. There are no doctor approved ways you can get HRT so it pretty much has to be done DiY. There *is* a clinic that has experience helping trans women, but its not entirely a gender clinic, more so helping sex workers get blood tests and what not, and you can check you Testosterone and estrogen levels there. Its called "Ma Bay Dar" (you can search on facebook for their info and you need to make an appointment), and to actually get HRT pills, you either order them online from "Sunflower Whitening IV/Drip Wholesale & Retail" or go to a beauty saloon called "Hla Po Po" whose owner sells the HRT pills. The pills that you will have access to are Progynova (estradiol valerae) and Androcur (cyproterone acetate). Hope this helps. And yes, living here is exhausting. Good luck to you too, and to anyone else from MM who might be reading this lol

[finallystefania93]

Androcur made me soft

[girlserpent]

feel like my mood has lightened since I kicked the androcur. which I guess is no surprise, knowing the list of side effects and all.

[boyhoodfromscratch]

blue collar husband. it’s weird to work in an environment where i’m hired under my new name and still be called „she“ all the time. they’re probably confused what a weird girl name Theodor is. it feels like a slap in the face, a painful reminder of how little i pass and that it’s not as simple as just changing your name. social dysphoria has always been my biggest enemy, but it’s experiences like this that then impact my physical dysphoria. i remember reading in a brochure that one should consider to only transition socially, since hormones impact the body so heavily. fuck that. i’d rather only transition physically and let society figure this shit out on their own.

i’m signed in as a help for hire, so those jobs are irregular and spontaneous. it’ll be interesting to see how they react to me being more and more masculine each time they see me.

the stupid meds i’m supposed to take along with testo (Androcur or something) are still not available so my doctor gave me an appointment to get a shot instead. it’s a depot shot, so they will inject me with three months worth of something. i’m not even sure what exactly it is, apparently some kind of estrogen blocker to ease me into starting testosterone or something. online i read that it’s used to treat hypersexuality in men. scary shit for sure. my usually so lovely doctor sounded annoyed at the phone today when i called again to ask about what kind shot that is because i’ve never heard any transmasc get that before. she told me to read the article she handed me. i still didn’t.

my second day on T feels weird, oddly melancholic. my Pre T Voice Memo i wanted to record today won’t be authentic because i think i caught the flu from the guy i hooked up with three days ago. there you are, working towards something for so long and wanting it so bad that once you got it life suddenly seems to halt. what’s my purpose now? this should feel grand, and in a way it does, but in other ways i’m weirdly hollow. i can’t wait until something starts happening. i guess today i’m just tired and getting sick.

[babehog]

It's so crazy that it hasn't entered the public conscience yet, all that the CIA tried to do Fidel Castro. They hid their operatives in bushes around his private estate and shot darts with 4mg estradiol, 1mg androcur at him everyday for 4 months and this is all public knowledge

[preciouspuregarnet]

Things have been really tough for me lately. There's been a few things, so I guess I should start somewhere.

Around September last year I was put on androcur instead of Spirix. Due to the fucked up situation of trans healthcare in Norway, I'm thankfully getting hormones through my GP after starting up on private in March last year. Unfortunately my GP did not have a lot of experience with HRT, at least not for trans people. This caused her to read the values wrong on Spirix and I was getting too much potassium in my blood, since Spirx preserves it. What has ended up happening is that the androcur treatment has affected my life negatively. Both in terms of general well-being, emotions and sexual function. I am thankfully getting back on Spirix, which has already helped out with my sexual function, lust and sex drive. The damage has already been done, though. I'll be coming back to that.

This part might be really long, but I need to get this out somehow. I met a girl soon after, around October. At first we were just exchanging looks. She'd always been in my class, but I just did not notice her. We met formally at a gathering for our class. I noticed how she was looking at me, staring a bit at times. I looked at her and wondered if she was interested. I didn't say anything that evening.

I got to add her on Snapchat and eventually shot her a message, asking if she'd want to meet up for coffee. She was happy to, and we got to talking, found a good bit of common ground, got into some deep stuff early on. At the end of that, at the café, I ask her if she had been interested in me. She looked at me, a little shocked, saying "I didn't think I had a chance with you." It was incredibly flattering, even if a bit unfortunate she would think that way. We agreed I'd take her out on a date, and she was happy to. We'd meet here and there for class and so on.

Later we met up at a Halloween party, where I looked fly as fuck in my witch outfit. She was adorable in her Minion's outfit, of everything. Still funny to think about. When I found her, she was so happy to see me. I felt deeply appreciated. We had a lot of lovely looks and chit-chat before we headed into a room she was allowed in. This was in some student apartments. We sat down to talk, but got interrupted quickly by some friends of hers. An hour later, we're in her apartment, chatting and figuring things out.

She tells me she's not really looking for a relationship. And to elaborate she says "she doesn't feel like she has a lot to bring to the table" in terms of a relationship. Continuing, she also says she hasn't had good experiences being with other girls. While this brought me immense gender euphoria, I was saddened to hear this was the case. She had always felt like she had to hide it, and I knew that even if we weren't going to be a couple, I would not hide how I felt about her in front of others.

We slept together, but she wanted to sleep alone that evening. I respected that, of course, and we'd see each other later. We only became closer after that, and I started falling in love with her. I even dreamt we told each other that, but I was too scared to tell her. In hindsight, I feel maybe I should've just told her. We felt a lot of the same for each other, would share lovely compliments and words. We had something between a romantic relationship and a friendship. It wasn't quite either. I ended up wanting to tell her how I felt, but with her own struggles and in a hefty period of exams, I couldn't find the appropriate time. She had to move back home, due to complications with the studies. She decided to, rather. She did not stay for me, which I completely understand. I told her, before she left for the plane, and I drove her to the airport, "I know there's a good bit of practical stuff between us. I wish we had more time. And I wish we could've been more." She did not quite reply, but she was moved, and hugged me. We kissed a last time, and that was that.

After this, our communication worsened across social media. I tried to hold onto her, keep her close, but things did not work out well. The more time went on, the more distant and cold she became towards me. I understand now, and in the moment, she had a lot to deal with herself, and was working all the time. She'd only work and sleep. It hurt, even while I understood the situation. It was extremely stressful and straining for about a whole month. We had agreed to see each other last weekend. And we did, but it didn't quite turn out how I had anticipated.

We were supposed to spend the weekend together, but it ended up being an evening. A dinner at some restaurant, and then dessert at McDonald's. Meeting her again was unnerving and harsh. She was friendly, and I tried to be too. We had a nice chat during dinner. We cleared some stuff up, but the rough talk was to come. In a McDonald's. I paid for dinner and she got us McFlurries.

I could not have anticipated what she told me. Telling me about how she had felt when we were intimate. While everything was lovely at the time, she revealed some of the trauma she had been suffering from. As I said, I'd get back to the talk about hormones. The androcur had made things very difficult for me, even if I was completely satisfied with just pleasuring her. It did not work so well for her when I was not getting hard, and I had to use Viagra to function. And even then it wasn't working properly. The androcur, had in other words, ruined a lot of our time together and induced her with a terrible feeling of inadequacy. I felt awful and even shocked in the moment.

She also brought up the distance matter, as well as what sort of relationship we both need, and what we need out of one. Firstly, I did not get to tell her I was wanting to go back on Spirix, which for me worked very well when I was on it previously. Secondly, our experiences with long-distance was 10 years ago each, and we have both surely have matured a lot since then. Finally, I believe I have idealised what a relationship should be like, instead of adapting my expectations to the sort of relationship I could have with the other gal I find interest in. We did not get to talk about these things, as she had to go. She had slept 2 hours the night before and had worked that day.

Our goodbye hurt. We were both clearly moved by how it turned out. We agreed to continue being friends. I am not sure what she meant, as she has not been in touch with me, and I don't even know of she wants to see me again. She told me she loved me, and I told her I love her too (platonically). I am just.. very unsure now. I am giving things some time now, but I know I want to talk to her about these things. I am very confused as to what sort of friendship we have.

I am tired. So very, very tired. This whole period has drained me, and I feel indifferent or generally bad about things. It's difficult to enjoy things, and I worry I am going to suffer from depression again. Hormones have been really rough on me, starting back on Spirix on Monday. I feel lonely. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Anything I work on is difficult to appreciate. Anything I try to spend time on in my spare time is hard to enjoy.

I don't know what to do. It is difficult to connect to my feelings after all this. Might be a defensive mechanism, to prevent further damage to myself. I am just waiting to get help from local and special health services. It might be a long while.

[xegany]

Spokane is close and has a Planned Parenthood, but how do I get Androcur as a filthy Merikan? And my insurance won't be covered since I'm in North Idaho now. Of course this has to be unnecessarily complicated. 🙂

[maranull]

these days i'm playing the game of "am i tired from going to sleep later than usual for three nights in a row" or "is the androcur side-effects that quick to start hitting"

i better get used to this exhaustion soon or else i'll do nothing

[kottonlover]

18 - 21

18 - 21

Androcur

[catishcat]

woke up randomly in the middle of the night and cried my eyes out about not having estradiol.

it's not right that i have to choose between food and hrt, and i always choose food cause i'm not living alone. if i did, i'd give up eating half the days.

it's easy to have 60gel (like $20-25) at any one point to get a month of estrofem, plus 50gel every 80 days for androcur (CPA), but then no food money. and it's not always possible to wrangle it out of our parents.

it's not right that it's the same money. how is this right. why do i have to choose.

[dianight]

Also doing some budget adjustments and it's insane how much cheaper it is per month when you have a prescription.

A box of androcur was 57€+ potential extra shipping costs. It was ~4,50€ here, can't remember exactly how much.

For valerate it was 0,30€ for a box that lasts ~10 days, so it's less than one euro per month instead of 30€. Last time I had to buy some other stuff so I didn't realize it was so cheap.

Unreal.

[yeentosis]

are you supposed to get hit with fatigue and brain fog on the very first day of cypro/androcur or am I just incredibly unlucky? went home at lunchtime today bc I almost fell asleep WHILE WALKING