#andnotactuallydoanything

[2004videovixxxen]

i forgot my journal at home, i wanted to talk about #him and this whole, "can i have you whenever i want?" and "this is just between me and you" like honestly, yeah you can have it whenever (i fucking love that shit!) but mentioning keeping it between us while he's inside of me is like ???? lol um who am i gonna tell? i kind of mentioned it to my friend, but from now on i won't bring it up anymore, i'ma just journal about it because she's gonna make it into "do you ever think yall will get back together" when i'm not even thinking about that lol not sure if that's the kind of man i could trust after all of this... even though it's meeeee he's doing the dirty with, it's me he keeps asking to bring my friend to do the do, it's always gonna be meee.. lets be fucking honest!!!

update to this post that i forgot to even post lmao: sooo i came to my parents' crib for a little bit and i went thru these cards/letters he gave me in the past and that man is a real lover, and he really is the love of my life, no one else will ever get that same love from me i'm not sorry... i don't understand wtf happened between us for us to NOT BE TOGETHER!!!!! like me wanting attention?? him wanting to focus on his music?? my heart is like "yeah girl you know you would still do anything he asks you cause that love has never died be fucking for reaaalll" my brain is like "listen, yea u love him but fuckin relax, he's moved on, it's just sex, enjoy it, don't be fuckin delusional, you can have what you want if you don't be fuckin crazy"

ima listen to my brain lol i def am in no place for any of that shit, can we revisit us in like 5 years???? lmaoooo kidding.. am i?.. i love our sex, can it be a little longer tho?? lmao

i feel really fuckin lunatic like back in the day when i never knew how he felt except now i don't even know what he thinks bc we don't talk!!!! LOL so you can imagine what i'm going thru, maybe.

and if we can't ever make it right in this lifetime i know we will in the next, i've never felt and never will feel more connected to a soul the way i do his- and other men have really tried but they will never be brandon lee colson, period!!!!!