#andi's spreadsheet project

[walkingstackofbooks]

Season 2 Observations - What the DS9 crew call each other

I'm back with my spreadsheet and armed with new facts. Let's go! (For Season 1 Observations, see here.)

This is a bit longer and there was still more I wanted to include - if you want to check out the raw data yourself, you can view the spreadsheet here!

Sisko

Is slightly more likely to introduce himself as "Benjamin Sisko" (6x) than "Commander Benjamin Sisko" (5x) - though this is often followed in both cases by "of the United Federation of Planets" or something similar.

Kira, Odo and Quark mostly call him "Commander", and rarely "Sir" - all are extremely consistent with season 1. (37:8, 16:2 and 11:0 as compared to in s1 35:8. 15:2 and 9:0)

Miles and Julian are more likely to call him "Sir", but use "Commander" often as well. How often has changed for them both since Season 1: > Julian has moved from using both equally, to using "Sir" twice as often. > Miles has moved from using "Sir" three times as much to almost using both equally (40:35)

Dax still uses Benjamin almost exclusively (24x), although she will use "Commander" on occasion (2x).

Is most often referred to as "Commander Sisko (22x), followed by Sisko (12x) - O'Brien is the only one to use "Sisko" more frequently.

Kira

Most often calls herself "Major Kira Nerys" (4x).

Everyone, apart from Dax, almost always calls her "Major".

Dax exclusively calls her Kira (2x) - Bashir and Sisko have both also called her this (2x and 1x respectively).

Is most often referred to as "Kira" (13x), followed by "Major Kira" (6x) - a change from Season 1 where the "Kira: Major Kira" ratio was 5:18 > Odo bucks this trend: as in season 1, he refers to her as "Major Kira" 2 times and "Kira" only once.

Odo

Introduces himself as "Chief of Security Odo" (2x).

Is called "Odo" by everybody; Kira (7x), Dax (7x), O'Brien (4x) and Quark (24x!!!!) will use this most often.

Sisko and Bashir are more likely to call him "Constable" - 13:8 and 2:1 respectively. > Kira and Dax never call him "Constable" > Miles uses it almost just as much as "Odo" (3:4) > Quark calls him it twice

Is almost exclusively referred to as Odo by everyone - Kira referred to him as "Constable Odo" once, and O'Brien as "the constable" once.

Trends are consistent with Season 1, apart from Kira stopping using Constable entirely, and Bashir, Dax and O'Brien actually speaking about/ talking to him more than two times this season!

Julian

Refers to himself most often as "Julian" or "Julian Bashir".

Sisko, Kira, Odo and Quark exclusively call him "Doctor" - apart from Kira calling him "Julian" once, on his request!

Dax and O'Brien more often call him "Julian" (9:1 and 12:5 respectively) > After Armageddon Game, O'Brien only calls him Julian.

He is still referred to as "Doctor Bashir" most often by Sisko, Kira and Odo

Jadzia still refers to him mostly as "Julian".

O'Brien now refers to him mostly as "the doctor" or "Bashir" (2x each), as opposed to "Dr Bashir" in S1 (2x) > Quark similarly uses "Bashir" most (3x), followed by "the doctor" (2x)

Jadzia

Refers to herself as "Jadzia" most often (5x), but 4 of those times are in the episode Playing God where she is talking in the third person about herself. > She also calls herself "Dax" (2x), "Jadzia Dax" (2x) and when talking to Klingons in Blood Oath, "I who was Curzon Dax" and "You knew me as Curzon Dax".

Sisko and Kira call her "Dax" most often, followed by "Lieutenant" (22:11 and 7:5 respectively). > No change from S1 for Sisko, but Kira only began to call her Dax this season. > Kira also first calls her Jadzia - unprompted! - in Blood Oath. > Sisko only calls her "Old Man" once.

Odo, O'Brien and Quark exclusively call her "Lieutenant".

Julian exclusively calls her Jadzia, but only twice.

Sisko, Kira and O'Brien usually refer to her as "Dax" - the latter two exclusively. > Sisko uses "Jadzia" just as much (6x), but only in the episode Invasive Procedures, when talking about her as opposed to Verad Dax who has stolen her symbiont. > Once again, this is same as S1 for Sisko, but a change from exclusively "Lieutenant Dax" (1x) for Kira.

Julian most often refers to her as "Jadzia" (4x), followed by Dax (2x).

Miles

Calls himself "O'Brien" most often (4x) - "Miles O'Brien" (6x) is skewed because of his repetition of it (4x) under torture in Tribunal.

Everyone most often calls him "Chief". > For Odo, this is equal with "Mister O'Brien" (2x each), and for Quark this is equal with "O'Brien" (1x each).

"Mister O'Brien" is still used at a similar rate by Sisko, being used about four times less frequently than "Chief" in both seasons. Kira only uses it once, in early s2, compared to "Chief" 14x - she used both equally in S1.

Sisko, Bashir and Dax most often refer to him as "Chief O'Brien", a change for all of them from S1. > For Sisko, this is followed by "Mister O'Brien", his most common use in S1. > For Bashir this is followed equally by "O'Brien", his most common in S1, and by "the chief".

Kira and Quark refer to him as "O'Brien" more often.

Odo uses both "Chief O'Brien" and "O'Brien" equally (2x each)

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Thanks for your interest in this, it's definitely encouraged me to keep going! Not sure if this is the correct tag etiquette, but I thought I'd tag those of you who seemed keen to look at more data - let me know if you don't want this to happen in the future! (Or indeed if you want to be added to the update list!) But 100% thank you so much for your kind comments about this project - I'm glad to see it's not just me who likes to nerd out over cold, hard data! (Also feel free to talk about stuff in the comments, there were so many tag comments I wanted to reply to aha 😅)

@joelleity @elainemorisi @istherewifiinhell @dumbnerd13-42 @yourea--stubborn--man @writteninsilences @worfianism @mickstart @ilovefredjones @tomthefanboy @ds9official @ussdefiant @autisticburnham @daforged @loudfederationscreeching @deepacenine @thethirdromana @tocautiouslygo @transhologram

[jules-has-notes]

This Is Halloween — VoicePlay music video

The approach of spooky season is always special with VoicePlay. In 2018, it meant that it was time for their second visit to Halloween Town, which involved even more elaborate makeup than the previous one. It also contains an important reminder — don't take unwrapped candy from strangers, no matter how little and cute they might be.

Details:

title: This Is Halloween

original performers: cast of The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

written by: Danny Elfman

arranged by: Layne Stein

release date: 5 October 2018

My favorite bits:

the legato opening chords from Grim Grinning Ghosts under the intro section transforming into the more rhythmic opening of this song

the halftime echo of Earl and J.None's harmony lyrics behind Eli's lead melody

everybody's concerned reactions as their voices and bodies start to change

Geoff reflexively flinging the spiders from his hair at Layne

the syncopated wails of ♫ "HAL-lo-ween HAL-lo-ween" ♫

Eli's semi-operatic tone on ♫ "the next sur-priiise" ♫

the onomotopeia of ♫ "pounce pounce" ♫

their precise diction starting with ♫ "I am the clown..." ♫

Layne's little scamper behind the pumpkin tower

that bouncy ascending bass line that leads them through the key change

the driving percussion giving way to a full measure of straight double kick drums

♫ "That is our job and no we are not mean." ♫, so crisp

Eli's incredible breath control as he belts for over 10 seconds

their mischievous giggles as they scurry away

Jude's intense stare straight into the camera

Trivia:

VoicePlay originally recorded this song for their 2012 Disney album, "Once Upon An Ever After".

This is the second of four Halloween videos they've made using music and imagery from The Nightmare Before Christmas. It also happened to coincide with the 25th anniversary of the movie.

Each of VoicePlay's video projects is usually handled from start to finish by whoever does the music, but for this one they spread their duties out a bit more. Layne did the vocal arrangement, while Geoff handled the video production process.

The guys are once again representing characters from the original movie — J.None is the wolfman, Eli is the mayor of Halloween Town, Geoff is one of the vampires, Earl is the behemoth, Layne is Lock, and the trick-or-treater is dressed as Jack.

The YouTube description contains another important safety tip — "There is only one Earl Elkins and he is not exactly human. Do NOT try to smash YOUR skull-meat with an axe… it will hurt."

The filming process for this video spanned two days — one for the framing scenes and the start of the singing, and another for their monster morphing.

The full transformations took more than 12 hours because of the extensive prosthetic makeup involved, not to mention contact lenses and costume changes. Their shot list was "the spreadsheet from hell" by necessity. Once a step in someone's monster makeup was added, it couldn't be taken off until the end.

The impressive makeup and prosthetics were designed by Andy Wright and Lia Forestner from Makeup & Creative Arts.

One of the trickiest parts of the makeup process was the fact that Layne turned out to be very ticklish when it came to being airbrushed and had trouble sitting still.

Among the carvings in the jack-o-lantern tower are an Oogie Boogie face, a Jack Skellington face, and a VoicePlay logo.

There was also a hidden bottle of Diet Mountain Dew on the back side for emergency high tenor hydration.

The onesies Eli and Earl are wearing at the beginning are references to their respective roles in "The Chicken Song".

Geoff's dragon onesie made another appearance four years later in a short of "I Put A Spell On You", dueting with Winifred Sanderson from PattyCake's Hocus Pocus videos.

The group created individual character posters in the style of Stranger Things to promote the video on social media.

The jowled prosthetic was added to the MCA / Morphstore collection as a custom item, with Eli as the model and the more generic product name of "fat boy".

The trick-or-treater is Layne's nephew, Jude. Though the over-the-shoulder shot of him knocking on the door is actually Kathy wearing the top of the costume and kneeling on the stoop. Apparently giving a young child lots of candy and then trying to get him to do something slowly isn't the best plan.

J.None had a late-night gig booked after the shoot, and was still wearing parts of his costume when he rushed out to get to that.

Rek Dunn, the guys' longtime friend and production collaborator, made a behind-the-scenes video as a project for a continuing education course he was taking.

The Makeup and Creative Arts team also made a behind-the-scenes video focused on the prosthetics processes.

Some aspects of the makeup made it a little difficult to enunciate. (Good thing their audio was prerecorded.)

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[sochilll]

OKAY here we go my official A Good Girl's Guide to Murder the series review. It is very long.

Short spoiler free version: they flattened down most of the characters, made Andie much more palatable, and removed a lot of Pip's detective work. Overall it's not a very good murder mystery or adaptation, but I think it's a fun show on its own.

Okay now let's get into it.

(Extreme spoilers for both the show and the books below)

Pippa

They character assassinated my girl!!! They removed like all her defining traits!!! Where were the spreadsheets!!! Where were the backups and the secret backups and the third email back ups!!!!

Overall I think Emma Myers was a fantastic Pip. Her line deliveries were great and she definitely fit the way I'd imagined Pip in the books. The gripes I have are with the script. For example: the first interaction with Ravi. Yes that scene is supposed to be awkward and tense but she didn't even tell him she thought Sal was innocent! That's the reason he agrees to help her! Also I think the following him part was much weirder than just going to his house

Will get into this more below but Pip is barely doing any detective work....

Okay the decision to stop the project.... WHY. In the book she stops because her dog gets killed and she's terrified that the blackmailer will hurt her family. Or that they'll go after Ravi. Because THAT'S the essence of Pippa Fitz-Amobi! She is loyal! She cares about her friends and family more than anything. She ONLY stops because she's worried about them. When it's only HER life getting threatened she keeps it a secret so no one tries to stop her. And then also, Ravi forgives her because he figures out what happened to Barney and realizes the position she was in. In the show she just.... thinks Sal did it now? And Becca said she was selfish??? It makes Pip a lot more self centered that THOSE are the things that make her give up. And then also makes no sense why Ravi would immediately forgive her OR why she would continue after Barney gets killed later on??? Have a slight doubt and give up but your dog gets murdered and you don't bat an eye? Truly don't understand the thought process between changing the order of those two beats.

Why would Pip cut open the rabbits???? If it was Andie's drug stash she'd obviously have a way to get in without cutting it open and sewing it shut every time. Come on Pip is not that dumb 😭

Overall Pip is a lot less careful in the show. (Where are the gloves when they break into the Bell's??) They're constantly almost getting caught and giggling which gives the whole thing a much lighter tone. Maybe that's what they're going for but in the books you feel like Pip is actually in danger and it doesn't translate here. On that note: after the first note, Pip barely reacts to the threats at all. I LOVED the scene of her coming home from camping and seeing the note on the table but they just never brought that tension back.

Why did they give Pip a weird memory of Andie??? It (again) makes the whole thing more about Pip than Sal. Now it's about Pip's guilt because she told Sal where Andie was. It's supposed to be about Sal! The whole motive for her to research this is that Sal was kind to her. That she couldn't believe he'd do it. And that there were inconsistencies in the case. The show turns her motives into "he couldn't have done it because then I'm at fault too." Her obsession is supposed to come from knowing the truth, not making herself feel better.

Pip "I'd do anything for you" moment with Cara I WEEP!!!!! They are best friends!!!!!

Ravi

Ravi was simply not goofy enough ! He had a few really good moments but I missed so many of his little jokes

I know it's much harder without Pip's internal narration, but I feel like the show loses so much of Ravi's (and his parents') isolation. There's the brief scene of the graffiti at the beginning and the part where he won't go to the calamity with her (and even then Pip has to spell it out). But in the book the Singh's loneliness and isolation is so apparent. Ravi says they aren't even allowed to grieve because of what everyone thinks of Sal. It's fucking devastating and it just did not come through in the show

And the previous point manifests in Ravi taking a bit to trust her. He doesn't just hand over Sal's phone on day ONE!! And he never shows her his bedroom! There's a really good scene in the book where Pip steps into Andie's room and it's been perfectly preserved and she realizes the Singh's must have a room just like it. But that doesn't work when Ravi already showed her Sal's room.

Also Ravi would simply never sign off on "I'm gonna publicly challenge the blackmailer that murdered my dog to see if he tries to kill me" hello???? #notmyravi

Ravi just going "lol peace out" at the end HUH??? Also sorry but him finding the marshmallow and getting all sentimental was so dumb bro. Why did you add in this conflict just to solve it like THAT?

They also downplayed a lot of the racial elements. They give Ravi the one line about a brown guy breaking into a rich white guy's house (which is taken much more seriously in the book) but they remove Stanley Forbes and with him, the way Sal was treated by the media. Race is one of the main factors in the way the case was handled (also my theory that it's based on an actual case handled similarly comes from those very discussions). But they don't really acknowledge the fact that Sal's race was a factor in how the case was handled and the vitriol his family faced after in the show at all. (And then they added in the white savior line which was so....). Stanley openly states he thinks Sal is guilty because he's Indian and the show really doesn't touch on that aspect outside of Ravi's throwaway line.

Pip and Ravi

Oooooh the Pip and Ravi of it all.... I do care them

As much as I didn't like the initial interaction I did very much enjoy Pip showing up drunk in her cunty little star outfit that was so cute (also Ravi's mom being like "from a galaxy far far away?" Was so fucking funny)

SARGE!!!!!!! 💕💓💘❤️💞💝💗

He made her a nonalcoholic cocktail!!! And named it after her!!!!!

The romantic tension was very good. The bunny fluff in her hair... waaaaaahhhhg

Sobbing that Pip is so clearly standing on something when they kiss lmao

I like that we got to see the first kiss, very cute. But I am sad they removed the project presentation and the forehead thing ;_;

Andie and Sal

OKAY let's talk about Andie

I really didn't like starting on her. It gives away WAY too much - even though they never actually went through the alleged timeline and murder that Sal was assumed guilty for but still the head wound is such a huge clue to give as the opening scene.

Overall, I don't like how much presence Andie has. The whole thing is that the town is haunted by her absence, that it turns out people didn't really know her at all. And all that is kind of negated when she's showing up in flashbacks every five seconds. It doesn't feel like she's gone or mysterious.

Same with Sal, he's sort of supposed to be contained to the memories Pip has of him being nice to her and Ravi's grief for his brother. But he's also a mystery. The whole thing is that they don't really KNOW that Sal didn't kill Andie. There are times where he does look guilty. But again the flashbacks (especially the weirdly manipulated versions) kinda of ruin that. It's just so heavy handed on the "he's guilty or maybe not" front.

On that note I also don't like the ending they gave Sal and Andie. Sal never knew about her plan. They were fighting when they died and that sucks but it's true. They weren't having this epic love story. And either way, they're both dead, we shouldn't know what happened in that room. We shouldn't get to see it esp since it's Pip's POV and there's no way she'd ever know

Also curious why they decided to make Sal attack the cops??? The ONE thing Pip knows about him is that he's nice. The one thing every single person says is that he's exceptionally kind. In the book his interview is suspicious but he never gets violent. He's kind and they took that away from him and I don't fuck with it!!!

The Andie and Becca interaction..... whyyyyy did they do that? Andie blows her off. That's why Becca gets mad. Becca never knew she was planning to leave or about the head injury. All she knew was that she told her big sister she was assaulted and her sister didn't care. Andie said she should be grateful. That's why Becca got mad and shoved her. Becca was not overreacting or acting with intent to kill. If Andie hadn't already had a head injury she wouldn't have died from her sister shoving her. They changed it to make Andie nicer? I guess? Which brings me to...

Andie doesn't need to be a saint for her death to be tragic. They made all these changes to made her nicer (breaking it off w Elliot once she started dating Sal, the fake added scene of her and Sal planning to run away, her telling Becca the truth, no mention from her friends of how cruel she was to them) they softened her and contradicted the point the book was making. In the book Andie is put on a pedestal and Pip has to uncover that she was mean to her friends and horrible to her sister and cheated on Sal and blackmailed people and sold date rape drugs. But she was also abused and scared and wanted to protect her sister. Pip realizes Andie was real and complicated and nasty sometimes but her death was STILL a tragedy. It still matters who killed her. The movie sanitized that message right out and made her a way flatter character in the process ("You have cast her as your beautiful victim and willfully overlook the layers of her character, because they don't comfortably fit your narrative"!!!!!!)

The Pacing and Detective Work

On one hand I understand they have to cut things down for the show. But also did they??? The book isn't that long and they had like 5 hours. But most of my gripes aren't from stuff that got cut but stuff that was changed for no discernible reason

Everything happens so quickly (when Naomi dropped the alibi thing in episode ONE I was taken aback). Things are revealed so fast and yet Pip is like... so slow to put things together. Dan isn't even a suspect until the second to last episode. She never really suspects Max at all. Howie isn't even mentioned after their one conversation. She never considers any of the Wards. She's not really doing any detective work or making connections she's just waiting to find out a new piece of information. Which leads into the worst part:

Pip doesn't actually solve anything???? People just keep telling her stuff! She doesn't break into Naomi's FB and find out about Sal's alibi being real by studying the pictures, Naomi just gives her Max's secret insta and tells her the truth. She doesn't break into a guy's phone to get Howie's number, some guy just walks her over to him. She doesn't follow and blackmail Howie she just gives him $60 and he tells her shit??? She doesn't put in a request to view the transcript of Sal's interview, Dan just fucking shows it to her (also why is it on his phone????) All of her agency is gone. The only thing she does do is break into the Bell's house and even that was way less thorough than in the book

Elliot Ward and the Ending

I HATE how Elliot wasn't even a suspect. It pissed me off cause it was just for a shock value twist. I think it's a fuck you to the audience when the murder mystery ends with "it was this guy you had no idea was involved at all!" And they went out of their way to remove all the connections to him (the photo of Andie was found in his room, he lied about knowing her, she was openly at him) so they could pull a gotcha on the audience. It's cheap!!!

They also made Elliot a lot more sinister in the show. Not that he was a great guy in the book obv. But in the book he genuinely deluded himself into thinking he had Andie in the attic. Making her a conscious woman who knows she's been kidnapped + Elliot knowing before he even spoke to her that she wasn't Andie + him locking Pip in the attic too just makes him way less sympathetic. In the book he is a man who, yes, took advantage of his position as a teacher with a minor, but also who hurt her accidentally and tortured himself over that for years. He was driven so insane by guilt that he convinced himself he'd found her and she was still alive. Removing that flattens him completely to bad evil guy.

He also is relieved in the book when Pip confronts him because he wants it to be over. In the show he was much more whiny and tries to stop her

Also I don't like that him talking about Sal's death is relayed through a flashback from Isla. It's so distanced. He should be telling Pip.

They also way downplayed Elliot's relationship with Pip. She describes him as a tertiary father figure. He's always around and very involved with his daughters + Pip. But in the show he's in like 2 scenes which again makes the reveal less gut-wrenching for Pip.

Also the reveal with Becca was so.... Idk. In the book she comes off much more sad and like she's genuinely sorry she has to ("has to") kill Pip. More guilt ridden as well. She thought she caused the head injury. She thought everyone, including her parents, would think she killed Andie on purpose and she was scared. And she was scared that Pip would tell everyone that. And also BECCA DOESNT ACTUALLY DO IT. In the book she lets up. She can't kill Pip. That moment didn't happen in the show and it's such an important Becca moment esp considering book 2. In the show she came off much more criminal mastermind

Also small note but Pip thinking "she knows where to put you where they'll never find you" as Becca chokes her hits way harder than Becca going "that's where I put Andie. And where I have to put you" (paraphrasing I don't remember the exact line)

Random Details

Why did they hire a 9 year old to play like freshman year Pip 😭 she's supposed to be in high school with Andie in the flashback right? Why does she look SO small? Just style Emma Myers differently! (Also the way she interacts with Sal reads super young but if she's supposed to be that young why is she at the high school!)

Stop showing the Andie crying flashback stop it oh my god. They show it like 3 times just in one episode. STOP IT! Even if it was a good or important flashback you are overusing that fucking clip please

Why did they make Ant a popular dude instead of their friend?? My only guess is just simply so they'd have to hire less actors for the main group but I would've said to combine Zack and Connor. Ant's turning on Pip in book 2 (if they're even gonna renew it) hurts because he's her friend. And obv Connor has a whole thing going on in the second one but Zack is kinda the extra. I'm just confused on that choice

Why is the calamity party 1. A rave and 2. In a series of underground caves and tunnels?????? Hello??? Also how do they have electricity and overhead lights down there what's going on

Jesse? Cool as hell babey!!!! Lets go lesbians!!!! I actually love that they made her more of a character and she rescues Pip twice that's so fun I adore her

They replaced Chloe Burch with Nat da Silva. Not sure about that in general bc Nat's arc is sort of antithetical to being friends with Andie but I do get that Chloe and Emma aren't different enough to warrant devoting time to them separately when Nat is already there. But again, in the book they were never friends. Andie hated her (also Nat is supposed to have chopped all her hair off and have dark grungy makeup and an ankle monitor how dare you take this from me)

WHAT was up with the drama with Pip's dad??? Leave Victor out of this what was the point!! All u did was further erase her closeness with her family which is her wHOLE THING!!!

Second dad comment: they talk about her dead dad WAY more in the show than the book what was the reason for that? You cut the blackmailing of a drug dealer for that???

Actually laughing out loud at Pip slamming the breaks from 90 kph and literally not moving at all what the hell who filmed this

Pip *filming the most "I'm being held at gunpoint" ass video ever*: I was just joking yesterday. Do not ask me about this again.

They didn't act out the murder to see if it could've happened in the time frame :/

Also they just changed Jason Bell's job?? Why?

AND WHY WAS HE NEVER EVEN TALKED ABOUT??? HE WAS A MAIN SUSPECT AND THE SHOW BARELY EVER ACKNOWLEDGES HIM WHAT HELLO!!!!!

Overall the list of suspects is abysmal. One of the things I love about the book is how many suspects and trails there are so you can be finding stuff out along with Pip. It's not immediately obvious but it's also not out of left field. Pip has like 7 suspects in the book and she follows up on all of them. I get how that would take up a lot of time but in the show she seemingly had 0 suspects??? She never really thought it was anyone and didn't follow up any interviews with investigations. It didn't feel like you could've even made any predictions from the show because there were no leads.

Okay that's all go read A Good Girl's Guide to Murder and all subsequent books! <33333

[rsnmeda]

Your art is so nice!! can I hear more about Meda?

Yeah!! Meda is an anthropomorphic horse (haven't decided on any specific breed), 170cm, 57kg, and the main character in my Reith worldbuilding project. In a relationship with Andi, an anthro horse-dog hybrid, he drags her around on his antics. He's constantly being watched by Milly, a jealous uni-antler'd photographer reindeer lady. Under surveillance by the very strict government of Reith; they don't have much on him, and they can't approach him in a legal manner because he's not on any official registries. He's works for a rather shady service; he's an on-call worker typically tasked with retrieving resurrected people from the dark half of the tidally locked planet. There's a bit of lore behind this; The planet of Reith itself is created by computer gods, comprising of 2 hemispheres which creates a great cliff at the equator, the sunlight touching the bigger half creating a habitable wreath of land; there's a magical phenomenon where unwitnessed deaths result in resurrection on the dark half of the planet. With no sunlight and extremely low temperatures, nobody who is resurrected lasts long; if they manage to sustain themselves, they turn into liches with a primal desire to kill every living thing they can find. (I have some super deep lore with this between 2 other characters; I really need to write it all out in a spreadsheet or something lol) He's a lover, a lifted gondola operator, a trainhopper, an adventurer, a troublemaker, a transformation stone user, and the interfacer of a corrupt computer god; he's set on a mission to disrupt an impossibly advanced space-age AI supercomputer from "solving" life by constantly causing disturbances, preventing it from producing 100% accurate results, and fighting to find out who on the planet is intentionally contributing to this AI. And he has big, fluffy ears.

[mirandyficlists]

Hi! I was looking for the fic where Andy is a sex therapist and I think it got taken down. Do you by any chance know where I can find it? Thanks!

Hey Nonnie

The fic you're looking for is The Science of Sex by the lovely and talented CharlottePriestly. I'm not sure why you haven't been able to find it. My link still works direct from my spreadsheets, hopefully it will work here too.

[over-fen-and-field]

End of year reading round-up! Woo-hoo!

My reading goal for 2023 was to read a book a week – while using very broad definitions of “book” (includes things like plays, novellas, and graphic novels), “read” (audiobooks and radio recordings count, not just written texts), and “week” (sometimes I read multiple short things in a week, sometimes it took me two or three weeks to get through a longer book).  I’m also defining “finished” as when I’m done with the book, but not necessarily when I’ve read every word on every page – I picked and chose chapters a bit from the essay collections, for example, and bounced off a few books halfway through if they just weren't for me or weren't for me at that time. Anything with an asterisk is a reread.  I have these roughly in chronological order of when I finished them, but I tended to be in the middle of several books at once and didn’t keep a good spreadsheet to keep track, so it’s a bit cobbled together from my memory and library records.  Also, please note that just because I read a book, doesn’t mean I agree with or endorse all or even most of the ideas in it.

The Ministry of the Future by Kim Stanley Robinson

Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler

New York 2140 by Kim Stanley Robinson

The Lifecycle of Software Objects by Ted Chiang

Flight Behavior* by Barbara Kingsolver

The Water Knife by Paolo Bacigalupi

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making* by Catherine M Valente

Deerskin* by Robin McKinley

Holy Silence by J Brent Bill

You Don’t Have to be Wrong for Me to be Right by Brad Hirschfield

A Letter in the Scroll by Jonathan Sacks

Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler

One Nation, Indivisible by Celene Ibrahim and Jennifer Howe Peace

Chalice* by Robin McKinley

Braiding Sweetgrass* by Robin Kimmerer

Dracula* by Bram Stoker

Hamlet* by Shakespeare

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Here All Along by Sarah Hurwitz

This is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared by Alan Lew

The Scientist’s Guide to Writing by Stephen B Heard

Everything is God by Jay Michaelson

The Cooking Gene by Michael W. Twitty

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver

The Poisonwood Bible* by Barbara Kingsolver

The Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile

Unsheltered* by Barbara Kingsolver

Pride and Prejudice* by Jane Austen

Cadillac Desert by Marc Reisner

No Cure for Being Human by Kate Bowler

Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler

Jane Eyre* by Charlotte Bronte

Praying with Jane Eyre by Vanessa Zoltan

Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys

Barrel Fever by David Sedaris

When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris

Proverbs of Ashes by Rita Nakashima Brooks and Rebecca Ann Parker

The Splinter in the Sky by Kemi Ashing-Giwa

Staying with the Trouble* by Donna Haraway

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

The Incarnations by Susan Baker

Saving Paradise: How Christianity Traded Love of This World for Crucifixion and Empire by Rebecca Ann Parker and Rita Nakashima Brock

The Anthropocene Reviewed* by John Green

The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi

My Promised Land by Ari Shavit

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

Enemies and Neighbours: Arabs and Jews in Palestine and Israel by Ian Black

Dragonflight* by Anne McCaffrey

The Masterharper of Pern* by Anne McCaffrey

The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood

A Peace to End All Peace by David Fromkin

Dragonsdawn* by Anne McCaffrey

Overall, I’m feeling pretty good about the list!  There are definitely some themes that pop up again and again, but there’s a nice mix of genres, fiction/nonfiction, length, tone, first-time reads and rereads, etc.  I haven’t set a formal goal for this coming year yet, but I’m hoping to get some off-the-beaten-path recommendations from friends for things that I wouldn’t otherwise have heard about – so, if you have any favorites, I’d love to hear about them!

[recallthename]

Hello!

6, 15, 21 for the book tag?

Thanks for the ask!! <3

6. Any new favorite authors?

I read Andy Weir for the first time this year, and really liked Project Hail Mary and absolutely adored The Martian. I also read Summer Sons this year, and I believe that is Lee Mandelo's only novel so far, but I will devour absolutely anything else they release going forward just on the back of how much I loved it.

15. A book you never thought you'd be into but were proven wrong

Hmmm. I don't tend to pick up books I don't think I'll like, so this is a challenge. I read On The Road this year (as a request from my dad) and while I definitely had my issues with it I liked it more than expected. I was also pretty hesitant going into The Magicians series, because the tv show was such a mess, but I would up absolutely loving it. Oh! And Check & Mate by Ali Hazelwood. I was very skeptical of her writing YA, but turns out I'll be obsessed with seemingly any novel she releases.

21. How have you kept track of the books you read this year?

I use Goodreads pretty religiously, so there. Additionally, I have a google sheets spreadsheet where I track what I read per month (including star ratings and page counts).

[cyberplex]

Howdy, Kit, and welcome to the Cyberplex! Please submit your account to the main in the next 72 hours and look over the rest of our checklist here. We look forward to seeing Aslan Sakarya, Cyrus Whitewater, Draven Thorne, Ezekiel ‘Zeke’ Cohen, Kali Dicamillo, Lucky Wallis, Ophelia Gomez, Rafferty ‘Rafe’ O’shea, Remington Cerulli, and Sebastian ‘Bash’ Prescott on the dash.

michael cimino / he/him  ———  no way is that SEBASTIAN ‘BASH’ PRESCOTT .. they’re a 24-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being IRRESPONSIBLE  &  ENTITLED but there are some people who have seen them being EXTROVERTED  &  AMUSING.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of setting five+ alarms and ignoring them all, crude words falling from privileged lips, spontaneous yacht trips, fake ids, waking up not remembering the night before, but that could just be because they’re considered the SILVER SPOON TROUBLEMAKER around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through.. /  kit, 30+, they/she, MST

andy biersack / he/they  ———  no way is that DRAVEN THORNE.. they’re a 32-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being CYNICAL  &  OBSESSIVE but there are some people who have seen them being INTELLIGENT  &  METICULOUS.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of ice cold gazes, a dark room only lit by the glow of a computer screen, sunglasses worn indoors, a wardrobe filled with black clothing, and nefarious meetings in abandoned locations, but that could just be because they’re considered the CRACKER around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through..    /  kit, 30+, they/she, MST

barry keoghan / he/him  ———  no way is that RAFFERTY ‘RAFE’ O’SHEA.. they’re a 30-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being AGGRESSIVE  &  CRUDE but there are some people who have seen them being STRONG  &  RESILIENT.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of bloodied knuckles, the taste of iron and salt lingering on the tongue, holes punched in the wall, whiskey soaked laughter, and an irish accent that ebbs and flows through conversation,  but that could just be because they’re considered the FIGHTING IRISH around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through..  /  kit, 30+, they/she, MST

matthew lillard / he/him  ———  no way is that LUCKY WALLIS.. they’re a 29-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being RECKLESS  &  FOOLISH but there are some people who have seen them being EASYGOING  &  HYPER.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of the smell of marijuana lingering in the air, a neon lit highly organized game/stream room, ever changing hair colors, worn skateboard strapped to a backpack, zoning out mid conversation, but that could just be because they’re considered the SLACKER around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through..

alperen duymaz / he/him  ———  no way is that ASLAN SAKARYA.. they’re a 31-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being IMMORAL  &  VICIOUS  but there are some people who have seen them being METICULOUS  &  EFFICIENT.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of slowly opening a leather roll of excruciatingly sharp instruments, unbuttoning cuffs of a dress shirt and rolling up his sleeves, don’t bleed on my floor, black leather gloves, a dark silhouette patiently waiting in the chair of an empty living room for its owner to turn on the light, but that could just be because they’re considered the PUNCH-CLOCK VILLAIN around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through..

keanu reeves / he/him  ———  no way is that CYRUS WHITEWATER.. they’re a 59-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being a WORKAHOLIC  &  ELUSIVE but there are some people who have seen them being PROTECTIVE  &  INDUSTRIOUS.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of an exhausted sigh after a very long work day, the clicking of a metronome in an otherwise quiet room, spreadsheets and projection documents, mahogany and corinthian leather, daily text messages to loved ones to check in, but that could just be because they’re considered the PAPA WOLF around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through..

aaron taylor-johnson / he/him  ———  no way is that EZEKIEL ‘ZEKE’ COHEN.. they’re a 33-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being INDECISIVE  &  COCKY but there are some people who have seen them being FRIENDLY  &  TALKATIVE.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of filling silences to avoid dead air, a smile that lights up the room, quick winks followed by a click of the tongue, well groomed curls, a glowing red ‘on air’ sign, but that could just be because they’re considered the MOTOR MOUTH around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through.. 

krysten ritter / she/her  ———  no way is that KALI DICAMILLO.. they’re a 36-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being STUBBORN  &  SNARKY but there are some people who have seen them being INTUITIVE  &  DILIGENT.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of chipped dark nail polish, constantly cleaning grease from fingernails, deadpanned responses, whiskey in coffee, multiple tool kits for every occasion, but that could just be because they’re considered the DEADPAN SNARKER around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through..

  jenna ortega / she/her  ———  no way is that OPHELIA GOMEZ.. they’re a 22-year-old SYNTH notoriously known for being SUPERSTITIOUS  &  NIHILISTIC but there are some people who have seen them being SUPPORTIVE  &  ADVENTUROUS.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of gothic down to the core, taxidermy animals in cute costumes, creepy quiet appearances, out of place smile that doesn’t match the aesthetic, speckled freckles that accentuate facial features, but that could just be because they’re considered the NIGHTMARE FETISHIST around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through.. 

maxence danet fauvel / he/they  ———  no way is that REMINGTON CERULLI.. they’re a 27-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being CHAOTIC  &  IMPULSIVE but there are some people who have seen them being TALENTED  &  DEVOTED.  if you ask me, they remind me a lot of bandaged fingers from shredding too many riffs, climbing stage equipment, waking up after noon on a regular basis, screaming stage dives, outfits and makeup defying gender norms, but that could just be because they’re considered the DIRTBAG around town. just keep an eye on them  &  see if their true colors shine through..

[curseplay]

❝ oh, don't worry man, you looked hot, ❞ they snort, cracking themselves up with one of their all-time favorite zingers: pretending to gas up men despite being a notorious dyke. paris gives a toothy smile to their audience of one as they swish the contents of their drink around, both of them making themselves more than comfortable despite the fact that lauren's kitchen is essentially enemy lines, even for her beloved, brainless bandmate. ❝ i'm never gonna complain seeing you on the front page. and neither will my publicist, who loves seeing you shine even more than i do, ❞ poor kennedy. paris doesn't think any number of edible arrangements they send to her front door will be enough to repay her for getting them through the whole sex tape scandal in one piece. it's a good thing she loves a project, because SILK and their lack of tact [ sans andie. always sans andie, ] make for one hell of a spreadsheet.

the thing is, paris doesn't think lauren has an actual reason to hate noah beyond him probably just being . . . an annoying presence, by her standards, somewhat associated with her little sister. one of lauren's best qualities, in their opinion, is that she doesn't need a reason to dislike anyone. she just does. and she's hot, talented, smart, and wealthy enough to get away with that. it's absolutely hilarious to someone like paris who doesn't harbor that kind of mindset. if anything, they could probably stand to be a little more discriminatory with who they befriend. will lauren be pissed at her for "fraternizing" with him ? totally. will her scolding actually amount to anything ? hell no, and that's because paris is one of the few people she actually likes.

that being said . . . his request does surprise them. paris blinks, eyes wider as they nearly spill half their drink down their front. ❝ — wait, i'm the one you like best ? that's crazy. i'm never the one people like best, ❞ the actual validity of that statement can't be confirmed from their entirely biased perception of reality. but paris thinks that out of lauren, andie, and themselves, they're kind of the red - headed stepchild. the two of them have literal college degrees in music. they know the industry and how to navigate it. paris just kind of want to get onstage, shred a few sick riffs, and look hot doing it.

still, they're probably the most . . . approachable of the three. which is saying something about lauren and andie, considering what's been written about them recently. such a compliment is almost enough to bypass any kind of resistance to his invitation. almost. ❝ that highkey sounds like ass, though. why the hell would i say yes ? i'd kind of rather take my chances with lauren. she loves me, deep down, and i don't think i'd be able to woo a bunch of old dudes. ❞

"those are very excellent questions." but like most things, noah skirts by it quickly, deciding he's much better off making himself comfortable seated atop the kitchen counter. now, it's not that he thinks paris is particularly untrustworthy — jury's actually still out on that one — but truth and merit have very loose definitions in noah's dictionary. half the time he can never fully remember things anyways. too many hazy, drunken fragments. usually it's best to just let others fill in the gaps with their own interpretation. he supposes that's what most people want from him anyways; something pliable and open-ended, either glamorous or insufferable, depending on their liking. now, paris might be somewhat in on the whole joke that is his persona, but no one is ever really exempt from thinking what they want in regard to noah ripley.

and so, the best answer he can give is simply that smile of his. cunning and cat-like and inscrutable, never fully giving himself away. "now, what would i ever need to steal a car for?" neither confirmation nor denial. maybe he does like a bit of mystery. or maybe it's just a force of habit. "you know, i don't think i actually read that one. can't be bothered to keep up with anything these days — hope they used a good picture at least." of course they used a good picture. his publicist goes to great lengths to ensure that anything less than aesthetically pleasing is never captured.

clicking his tongue, noah's eyes scan every surface of the kitchen. very classy, very charming, as one would expect. eerily similar to his mother's new house in the hills — he wonders if she and lauren share the same decorator. not important right now, he's getting sidetracked by that thought. back to the matter at hand: "and to answer the first question, i am here for you. something of a proposal — well, an invitation, actually. one you can't say no to because then i'll have to cause a big scene and then lauren will come out here and make a big fuss and i'm sure none of us really want to see that." on second thought, it would be pretty funny and he might like to see that.

"you're my plus one for this dinner thing. it's all gross elderly producer guys so i'm not interested in being stuck unaccompanied all night. also, you're the one i like best." that's code for five other people already turned the invitation down.

[avenita]

-

[walkingstackofbooks]

Kira and Julian in Life Support

Feelings 1:

Bareil, as far as I can see, has never called her Major on screen, called her Kira a few times before they got together and then called her Nerys very consistently, notably in The Collaborator. But in this episode, he doesn't call her by name once. But when he wakes up from the brain surgery, this happens:

"Bareil?" "Yes, Major?"

AND I AM SO DEVASTATED FOR HER.

Feelings 2:

Just Kira and Julian's whole interactions with each other:

(For context: Julian usually calls her Major; "Kira!" has been used once when rescuing her, and "Nerys" once when he was flirting. Kira usually calls him "Doctor"; "Julian" has been used on three occasions, once under duress when he was flirting, twice when she was protesting his orders to take a break.)

Julian breaks the news that Bareil has died

"Thank you Doctor. I'm on duty in Ops. Excuse me." "Kira. I think they can get along without you in Ops today."

Kira slides into her usual formality, since she's using work to distract from grief. Julian drops his usual formality and gently calls her by a friendly, but not intimate name.

When he is debating the first brain surgery with Kira and Winn

"I think she's right, Julian. I think Bareil would want the positronic implants." "Kira, if I go through with this, the man who wakes up may not be the man you used to know." "I realise that, but I know how important this is to him, and I know he wouldn't want to just be put into stasis indefinitely, waiting for some medical solution that may never come. Do the surgery, Julian. Let him finish what he started."

Kira begins to his name as she tries to persuade him. Julian continues to call her Kira; almost unthinkingly, he's more concerned about saving Bareil than about Kira's feelings here.

When Bareil is dying.

"It's the other half of his brain, isn't it? But you can still help him can't you? You can replace the other half of his brain with a positronic matrix." "I'm sorry, Nerys, but this is where it ends."  .... "Julian, you can't give up now." "Nerys, if I remove the rest of his brain and replace it with a machine, he may look like Bareil, he may even talk like Bareil, but he won't be Bareil. The spark of life will be gone. He'll be dead. And I'll be the one who killed him."

Kira continues to use his name to cajole him into saving Bareil - You're Julian, you're my friend, why won't you help me, Julian?

But there is no way for Julian to offer Kira comfort here, and he knows it. So he does the only thing he can, dropping every formality and identifying himself as her close friend by using her given name - even as he tells her he has to let the man she loves die.

[justoneofthoseghosts]

Brettsey + Tell Me

Matt stares at the piece of paper in his hand.

Truck had been out on a call and when they got back, Ritter, who was manning the tower, slipped it to him. It was a phone number for Griffin Darden, a name he hadn’t heard in close to nine years. It brought back a lot of memories - taking the boys out for ice cream along Navy Pier, bringing Griffin to see Andy’s badge, playing indoor football at his old place. There’s also that lingering sadness of saying goodbye to the boys when Heather was released from prison and moved them to Florida. A fresh start, she had said.

He thinks about whether to give Griffin a call but he’s not exactly sure what to say after all this time. He wants to talk to Sylvie about it but she’s been busy with her project and he didn’t want to bother her with something that feels so insignificant compared to what she’s been doing with her spare time - trying to help the CFD with ways on how to lessen the paramedics’ non-urgent calls.

So he keeps it to himself and tells himself he’ll consider it, weigh his options.

One night, when he’s staying over at Sylvie’s he wakes up to find her not in bed. He thinks he can hear something coming from the kitchen so he puts on a shirt and opens the bedroom door.

He finds Sylvie on her laptop, her eyebrows furrowed as she reads what’s on her screen then jots down something in a notebook.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, walking over to her.

Sylvie’s head snaps up at his voice, “hey, sorry, did i wake you?”

Matt shakes his head, taking a seat next to her and looking at her laptop. She has a spreadsheet open filled with numbers and graphs.

“Where’d you get all this data?” He inquires, impressed.

“Oh, Mouch has a few contacts at the 911 call center so he helped me get about six moths of call data so I could analyze and see if there are any patterns in terms on non-emergency calls. I think that would be the first step to figuring out how we can route ambulances properly.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Matt says in awe.

Sylvie smiles softly, shrugging off his compliment, “Mouch really came through with this. I’ve been trying to get my hands on it but no amount of sweet talking did any good.”

“Didn't know anyone could resist you charms,” Matt teases.

Sylvie tilts her head back and laughs. It’s a sound Matt won’t ever tire of and he hopes he has many more years to make her laugh.

“You want some cereal?” Sylvie offers as she gets up from her chair, “I think I need a bowl of sugar if I’m going to get through this.”

“Sure, need some help?” Matt asks,

“I’m good but I’d love some company,” Sylvie tells him as she grabs two bowls from the cupboard.

They sit in silence eating cinnamon toast crunch while Sylvie continues to look at her data. The stillness brings Matt’s thoughts back to that piece of paper he has tucked in one of his drawers at the loft.

Honestly, he has reservations about contacting Griffin because Heather asked him politely not to contact them. Somehow, he thinks he still needs to honor her wishes. She is their mother after all and maybe, she knew best. He’s quietly stirring his cereal, so lost in his thoughts, that he doesn’t hear Sylvie talking to him until she pokes his side.

“You okay?” she questions, raising her eyebrows.

“What?”

“Matt, is everything alright? I noticed you getting that faraway look where you forehead creases right about here,” she illustrates by pointing to the middle of her forehead, “I keep meaning to ask but we never seem to be at the same place at the same time lately.”

Matt sighs, “it’s nothing really and I didn’t want to bother you with all the great work you’ve been doing on the side.”

“Hey, you can talk to me about anything - big or small,” she assures him.

Matt looks at Sylvie in gratitude.

He realizes he can go to her anytime, anywhere because it’s how they’ve always been with each other no matter what. He knows it will never change even if she's busy or he is and aims to commit that to memory.

Sylvie looks at him expectantly, closing her laptop, putting all her focus on him.

“Do you remember Andy Darden?”

Sylvie nods.

“I don’t think I ever told you that I took care of his kids when their mom got into a bit of trouble,” Matt opens.

Sylvie shakes her head. She leans in closer, resting her chin on her palm as if telling him that he can definitely share the story now. And it feels so natural to just talk about it in the middle of the night with Sylvie while they’re eating sugary cereal because it just is. There's no other way to describe it.

He starts from the beginning - how hard it was at first being an instant guardian to two young boys, how he tried to console Griffin, who was having a hard time with his father’s death, how they got through the hump and it started to feel like he was their family, how his heart broke when Heather called and took the boys away, how he wishes he kept in touch.

Sylvie listens quietly, squeezing his hand or nodding from time to time.

“Griffin left me his number. I think he wants to catch up,” Matt confesses quietly.

“And you’re on the fence about this?” Sylvie inquires.

Matt nods slowly, “yeah, it’s been a long time and I’m not sure why he’s reaching out.”

Sylvie is quiet for a moment before speaking again, “I think you should meet with him. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

There's no judgment in her voice, just her honest opinion on the subject and if Matt decides not to go through with this, he knows she'll understand.

But of course, Sylvie is right and he has a feeling that he’ll be saying that a lot for the rest of their lives. Because despite his fear and reservations, he wants to know why Griffin is making contact and he wants to make sure the boys are doing well. He loved those boys and if they need his help, he’d gladly give it. Talking to Sylvie was the last push he needed to do it.

[cruelsummer-ficfest]

HOW DID YOU TWO DECIDE TO DO THIS ASHDKSKDHSK IM SO EXCITED

see, this is now a fun game y'all get to play called "who is answering the ask/making the post--grey or andie?"

(this is very obviously a joke because i dont think two mods could have more different ways of interacting)

BUT-- this came to be because one of us wanted a taylor swift fic fest (dedicated to her ENTIRE collection of songs and not just newer taylor or certain ships that use taylor songs), saw other people mightve been interested, and then immediately reached out to the other to help co-chair.

literally everything (spreadsheets, ficfest design etc) was completed within 8hrs. the two of us fresh out of school, exam free, and immediately giving ourselves a new project.

this is very much a selfish endeavour, the two of us wanting to create the ficfest we wanted to see in the world and we are BEYOND EXCITED to read everything that comes out of it 💖

[someguynamedstevewrites]

My Roommate is an Apparition: Saturday Morning Cartoon Complaints

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

————————————-

There once was a lonely apparition that haunted an apartment in an old building. No one knew where it came from, how it came to be, or why it was there. In fact, nobody knew the spooky specter actually existed since nobody could see it. Eventually, the apparition met someone who could see them, and they were no longer lonely. But before that, there were a few instances where the incorporeal creature made contact with human beings.

This is one of those stories.

It was September 20th, 1997, and Terrence “Terry” Vanderbrook was working as an operator for a local CBS Network Affiliate. He spent his days making sure that people calling into the station were directed to where they needed to go, and also screening out any unwanted calls. Regardless if they were folks calling in to speak to the news team about breaking news, people wanting to partner with the station for a special event, or for any other reason, Terry took care of them all.

One call, in specific, would go down as one Terry would remember for the rest of his years. (Mostly because he wasn’t sure if it actually happened or not).

“Thank you for calling your local CBS station, W.O.-“ Terry began to say before being cut off.

“Where...?” came a voice that sounded like breath on the wind.

“I’m sorry?” Terry asked.

“Where... are they...?” the raspy voice asked.

In the couple of years Terry had been a phone operator, he received more than his fair share of crank calls. Some were very obvious from the get go, while others were subtle and not quite as apparent. On occasion, a call might start off sounding like a prank, but actually turn out to be a legitimate call. Terry learned that the hard way after being berated by a 76- year old woman who was calling to complain about a breaking news report interrupting Diagnosis: Murder. On that day, Terry learned never to underestimate the appeal of Dick Van Dyke to seniors.

Still, uncertain if this was a prank or not, Terry did exactly what he was trained to do: proceed in a professional and courteous manner while trying to obtain more information to determine the needs of the caller. (At least until he was sure whether this call was genuine or not.)

“What can I help you find today?” Terry responded with a smile in his voice (as outlined in the Employee Handbook for Telephone Operators, page 12).

The raspy voice spoke a little louder to get its point across, “Car... TOONS!!!”

“Cartoons?”

“Where. Are. The. Car. Tooooons!?” the voice demanded.

Terry looked over at the small calendar on his desk. It was Saturday. “Oh! You mean the Saturday Morning Cartoons?”

“Yesssssss...” the voice said with a hiss.

“Give me one second,” Terry said as he began to type away at the keyboard to his Windows 95 work computer. Connecting to the network’s server, Terry began searching for and pulling up the schedule for the day’s channel listings. A memo had circulated around the office not too long ago about changes to the channel lineup this fall, but Terry hadn’t paid too much attention to it. He still hadn’t gotten the hang of the search function for his e-mail just yet.

“I’m... waaaaaaaaaiiiii... tiiiiiiiiinnnnngggg,” the voice said as nasally and obnoxious as possible.

“Hang on, kid, I almost got it,” Terry shot back. At this point, he figured the caller was some kid, probably sick in bed (which would explain the raspy voice), hoping to watch their Saturday Morning Cartoons and having trouble with it. (Terry was way off the mark, but he didn’t know that).

While the inter-network speeds within the CBS station’s computer network were much faster than the new 56 Kbps speeds Terry got on his dial-up modem back home, it still took a while to get to the shared network folder that contained the spreadsheet containing the day’s programming lineup. With a double-click, Terry opened up Excel 95 and saw...

“Oh...”

Terry bit his lip and breathed in through his teeth. He always hated calls like this; calls where he had to be the unfortunate bearer of bad news. The person on the other end of the line NEVER took it well. It would lead to lots of yelling, screaming, and demands to speak to his manager. And that was when Terry was speaking to full grown adults, so he was rightfully concerned about the kind of tantrum a sick child could produce.

“I’m sorry,” Terry said with regret, “but it looks like the CBS Kidz programming block has been replaced with CBS News Saturday Morning and a rerun of The Andy Griffith Show.”

————————————-

Due to the nature of the apparition’s existence, it was debatable whether or not it was actually “alive”. Considering the facts, it had been “born” a few years ago and hadn’t “lived” for very long by the time it made this phone call. Furthermore, during the time in between, it experienced emotions such as happiness, sadness, inquisitiveness, and many more.

But this was the first time the apparition became truly angry!

The apparition was frowning. It’s worth mentioning this, because before now, the apparition had never, ever frowned. Its face was no longer smiling, or expressionless like a confused child, like it had been for every day since the apparition began its existence. It was consciously moving the non-existent muscles on its face to move downward to express just how angry it was. Its sharp teeth were on full display like a snarling beast. To say it was not a pretty sight would have been an understatement.

The ethereal hand that had been twirling the coils of the telephone cord was now clutching the phone book as tightly as it could. Visions of cartoon characters expressing their anger whirled through the apparition’s head as it began to conjugate steam out of its non-existent ears. The apparition could not find the words to express the outrage it felt, so it did something else to vent its frustration.

It made a wooden chair suddenly fly through the air at one-hundred and twenty miles per hour into a wall.

*CRASH*

————————————-

The sound of wood smashing and splintering could be heard over the phone, and nearly made Terry jump out of his chair.

“WHOA! Kid, are you okay!?” Terry asked with genuine concern.

“BAAAAACK!!!” the apparition practically screamed. Its voice had distorted and sounded sinister; carrying a demonic reverb.

“...BRING! THEM! BAAAAAACK!!!”

“Poor kid,” Terry thought to himself, “they are definitely not taking this well.”

If it had been anyone else other than Terry taking that call, the horrific voice over the phone likely would have scared them out of their pants by now. But he was a veteran at handling the phone and this was not the first time someone used a voice distorter on a call. It was the first time a kid had used one (as far as he knew), but Terry had seen the toy commercials for “YakBak” on TV and knew that any kid with one could do funny things to their voice.

“Listen,” Terry said calmly, “I understand you’re disappointed, but that’s no reason to break things and throw a fit. You might hurt yourself or make yourself even sicker.”

————————————-

The frown had vanished from the apparition’s face. In its place was a look of sheer confusion. This was definitely not the reaction the apparition was expecting when they made this phone call.

The last time the apparition used its scary voice was back when the previous apartment tenants were talking about getting rid of their TV. To keep that from happening, the apparition practiced hard on finding the best voice it could mimic that would “persuade” the residents living there at the time to keep it. It even figured out how it could project its voice into any electronic device with a speaker to create an even more haunting effect (and to make sure the people there could actually hear its demands).

It worked, but it worked a little too well.

Shortly after the apparition began to actively haunt its oblivious roommates, the tenants packed up and moved out in a hurry, leaving their furniture and appliances behind. This included the 32” CRT TV that the apparition was fond of, and a landline telephone. The apparition didn’t care much for the phone line since they were happy just having the TV all to themselves twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. (Plus, they didn’t have anyone to call or talk on the phone to, anyway.)

At least they were happy until about a week ago, when the Saturday Morning Cartoons were a complete no show for the first time in years.

But the apparition had seen shows come and go, television programming blocks change for no apparent reason, occasional weather alert bulletins interrupting their cartoons, and some of their favorite cartoons canceled. They learned patience, understanding, and compromise from these experiences. Just because there were no cartoons that week didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be cartoons next week.

Two weeks without cartoons, however, simply would not do.

The apparition scoured the apartment for a phone book, concentrated on solidifying its fingertips to turn pages, located the phone number for the TV station, and dialed. It took a lot of effort for a ghostly being to make a phone call, and it was not about to let its efforts go to waste.

If the scary voice didn’t work, they’d have to take a different approach. It was time for Plan B.

————————————-

“...Sorry,” the apparition apologized, “...please... bring them... back?”

Terry sighed. He had kids of his own, and dealing with them could be a real challenge; especially when he couldn’t give them something they wanted. Once they realized throwing a tantrum fit wouldn’t work, they start trying to “bargain” just like the kid (who wasn’t actually a kid) that was on the phone.

“I’m sorry, kiddo, but it’s out of my hands,” Terry said using his “sympathetic Dad” voice, “I know it stinks, and if I could bring them back, I absolutely would.” After some frantic scrolling through his work e-mail inbox, he finally found the e-mail he was looking for. “But, thing is, we got to follow the rules from the FCC, so-“

“Eff... See... See?” the voice interrupted to ask.

“The Federal Communications Commission,” Terry explained, “You might not have learned about them in school yet, but they’re a part of the government. They make the rules we here at the TV stations got to follow, and one of those rules is to show three hours of educational programming, and the cartoons we had, well...” Terry tried to find a way to let the (not) kid down nicely, “...they just weren’t educational enough. That make sense?”

————————————-

It did not make sense. The Apparition had no idea what the heck the person on the other end of the phone line was talking about. All it knew was that they took away their cartoons and they weren’t going to give them back.

Taking a look at its transparent fingers, the apparition decided it was time to take matters into its own hands. They had tried scaring the person on the other end of the phone and they had tried asking nicely, but now it was time for plan C.

The apparition plunged its fingers into the tiny holes of the phone receiver. The phone was eventually engulfed in the apparition’s being and soon after that, the receiver began to slowly suck the apparition into it.

If someone walked into the room at that moment, and if that person could also see the apparition, they would see the lower half of a person’s body up to about their waist with the upper half crammed into a phone. It looked like a cartoon where someone had taken the receiver of a phone and hit someone over the head with it so hard that it jammed them inside.

Meanwhile, inside the phone, the apparition’s upper body stretched as it squeezed its way through the telephone cables. It wasn’t easy, and the apparition had never tried anything like this before, but it was filled with determination. Following the voice of the person on the other end of the phone, the apparition could feel itself getting closer and closer to its destination.

It smiled a sharp, toothy grin and created sharp claws on its hands in preparation for its arrival. Soon it would wreak havoc against those who had wronged it. They would rue the day they had taken away their source of Saturday Morning joy! It could see a light ahead of itself, and once it finally reached it, the apparition took its mangled, clawed hand and...

————————————-

*scritch*

“Ow,” Terry said as he pulled the phone away from his head. Something had just scratched him. Looking at the phone receiver, Terry blinked and then blinked again as he came to comprehend what he was looking at.

It was a very small, tiny hand with what looked like long fingernails poking out from one of the holes on the receiver. It flailed and strained as if it was trying to reach out but couldn’t get itself through. The closest thing Terry could liken it to was if a mouse or hamster had somehow gotten into the phone and was sticking its paw through the holes on the phone.

It was kind of adorable.

After a few seconds, the hand retracted into the phone. A second after that, Terry could have swore that he saw a tiny head poke out of one of the holes on the receiver. It had long hair, large eyes, no nose, and looked rather irritated. It struggled as it tried to pull itself out of the phone, but it just couldn’t budge.

Terry was quite sure he was seeing things. He wasn’t sure if it was because of something he ate, or from not getting enough sleep. The thought never entered his head that he was looking at a supernatural being that had shrunken its upper torso, shoved and stretched itself through the phone line, and was now trying to crawl its way out the other end. That would have been silly.

After a few more seconds of struggling, the apparition seemed to realize that this was not going to work and silently admitted defeat to itself. It looked up at the (relatively) gigantic face of Terry who was casually looking at the apparition without an ounce of fear, shock, or horror showing on his face. Without really thinking, Terry just looked at the tiny head poking out and just shrugged as though saying, “Sorry, can’t help yah there, bud”.

Dejectedly, the apparition pulled its head back inside the phone as Terry absentmindedly waved goodbye to it.

————————————-

Back in the apartment, the apparition pulled itself out from the phone and sighed. It held the phone up to its earless head to hear what the man on the other end had to say.

“So, uh...” the man said before a hesitant pause, “...I know this is going to sound crazy, but...” another pause as the man on the other end tried to put what just happened into words, “...did you just try and travel through the phones so you could claw at me?”

The apparition looked to the left, then looked to the right, and if it was capable of it, it would have broken out in a nervous sweat. Sheepishly, the apparition responded, “...yes,” with the same tone of voice a child would use if they had been caught eating cookies before dinner.

A slight pause before the man followed back with, “...didn’t really work out for you, did it?”

Again, sounding like a child that knew they were totally busted, the apparition responded, “...nooooo...”

There was another pause on the phone before the man on the other end eventually said, “Well... better luck next time.”

This call was starting to get extremely awkward as the apparition had no idea what was going to happen next.

After about a minute of silence (which is considered taboo among telephone operators) the man on the other end finally asked, “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

This was a battle the apparition had thoroughly lost, and it knew it. It was time to throw in the towel. With a depressed sigh, it responded back, “No... thank you”.

————————————-

Despite not being sure what exactly he just saw, Terry leaned forward in his chair and decided the very least he could do was offer some encouraging words. “I know you’re disappointed, and I get that. I really do. But other TV channels have cartoons too. You can always watch them there.”

“...yeah...” the voice responded.

“It’s not like all the cartoons in the world just suddenly vanished, right?”

“...I suppose...”

Terry was ready to wrap this call up and had his closing spiel all set to go. “We appreciate you caring enough to call in today and while I may not have been able to help you, I do hope you feel better soon. Okay?”

There was a moment of silence before the voice responded back, “...okay...”

“Thank you very much for calling CBS, and have a good rest of your day,” Terry said earnestly.

There was a click signaling the phone on the other end had disconnected. Terry hung up the phone on his end, leaned back in his office chair, and looked up to the ceiling.

At that exact same moment, the person they had been talking to just a minute ago thought the exact same thing as he did.

“Well... that was weird.”

[traffic-five-worth]

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[loonylycant]

YO I need some advice on gay business y'know so, there's this thing we call student projects workshop and it's a bit like our school's own illuminati, super nerdy shit, anyway, our teachers are so sweet and want to get us all funky socks to celebrate going back to school. Things happened and apparently, I'm responsible for choosing the patterns for everyone. So I'm staring at my beautiful, neat spreadsheets assigning every team member their own pair of socks. -wait tumblr won't let me write more

I'm BACK Now. I have this one gay friend, I'm gay, they're gay and we're gay together, although rather low key. Like world's most useless secret agents, yes. I want to give them an Andy Warhol (a gay gay homosexual gay) themed pair of socks (there's literally Warhol's face on one sock), not only because it looks dope, but also because it would be a small wink from me (my friend probably won't know tho lol). is that evil genius or straight up evil?

ok, so that was part two so-

first off I just think it's awesome that you get to choose the socks dhsjkfxdhjkd. You wield much power.

Do ittt. You are an evil genius my friend

Imagine having socks with somebody's face