#and. i know that this wasn’t what was intended because i don’t think they had the rest of his character arc planned out in any game

[almostempty]

it’s not that deep but it is that serious!

(editing and reblogging to clarify a couple things at the end of the post)

I just want to come to this app to talk about deep throating mean!Joel and to make friends with other hot freaks. But I need my fellow heathens to hear me out for a moment.

I’ve tried to keep this space a little escape from reality, but that’s not a realistic privilege because life and art are inherently political.

I saw @penvisions receive some particularly cruel racist hate last month. I saw @gothcsz receive a snide racist anon message a few weeks ago. I know these issues aren’t new for our Black and brown peers.

I see a lot of folks jumping to offer support and to express their disgust at the racist remarks.

I also see a lot of shock and disbelief and I want to talk about that.

Racism, bigotry, and prejudice are not new issues for Black and brown folks. If you find yourself shocked, surprised, and outraged when folks share the hate they receive I ask that you reflect on this. It’s a privilege to be surprised, to not be used to navigating and experiencing that vitriol.

I know it’s well intended when folks say things like, ‘if you’re a racist piece of shit get off my blog’ or similar messages, and i understand the anger and frustration. (*i appreciate seeing solidarity and i also do not want to police (acab) how people respond to the hate they receive)

I also don’t think anyone who is aware and actively spreading hate will be deterred. I imagine there are 4chan incel type trolls that just thrive on the attention and reaction of using the most inflammatory language they can, and trolls will troll. They inevitably will pop up.

What I want to address is the levels below the overt and active hate. The accidental or inadvertent covert racism. The micro aggressions. The passive silence or enabling of rhetoric that lets folks perpetuate harm without even thinking.

Black and brown creators in our community have been disregarded or overshadowed when they speak up about diversity or inclusion in this fandom or feeling unwelcomed.

They wade through oceans of moodboards with faceless, thin, white women paired with our favorite characters. They power through reader inserts with freckles, red marks, and pink pussies that say and do things they might never feel safe saying or doing in those universes. They scroll through bad Spanish or fetishized latino caricatures and romanticized colonial values. And they still show love and support by commenting and reblogging and uplifting other writers.

Maybe there are footnotes about the moodboards only being for inspiration, but that doesn’t erase the constant messaging that it was easier to find those pictures and add a note than to search harder or leave the pictures out.

When I saw a fic with a detail about the pedro character having a confederate flag in his trailer I had to pause. This is a perfect example. I don’t read this as malicious or intentionally harmful. I understand the stereotype it’s rooted in and the general humor of the story as a whole. I get that it’s a small detail and that racism wasn’t a core part of the character or the story.

But if we sit with this longer.. what does this tell our Black and brown peers? When the reader notices it and it’s just as notable as a calendar on the wall? And she fucks him willingly anyway?

Hate symbols aren’t unserious. Background or not. Imagine writing a Joel fic and giving him a swastika tattoo just as a background detail. Sounds extreme right? Maybe you’re writing an AU felon Joel and just trying to show how hardened and dark he is. Maybe in your headcanon he only got it in prison to protect himself and he isn’t a racist.

But to nazis it says this is a safe place to be. To the general audience it says you don’t care if this makes them feel unsafe or invisible.

To folks reading that a confederate flag isn’t a big deal, it signals that it’s an acceptable symbol. It shows that people are reading and commenting and sharing this story and are unbothered. That maybe people don’t even notice.

I’m not asking anyone to send hate and I’m not writing this as an attack on the author or anyone who shared the fic. We don’t know what we don’t know, but we have the opportunity to learn!

I am asking my peers to step in and step up, because I think y’all are smart and capable of more.

I am not an expert on anything. But as someone who went to grad school for social work — a field that only exists to combat the societal harm of power, privilege, and oppression — I don’t take it lightly. I work in advocacy fighting discrimination and prejudice from institutions built on systemic racism daily. I’m aware that I have the privilege of training, language, and awareness around diversity and inclusion, and that not everyone has the same knowledge or experience.

I also know this fandom is full of incredibly smart and well spoken folks who craft moving stories and analyze characters with nuance and passion.

I’m not interested in censoring what anyone writes and I happily abide by don’t like; don’t read.

If I only wanted to read I would stick to ao3. But I’m here and I stay here because of the community. The friendships and the extra tag games and challenges and support and camaraderie.

I know I make mistakes myself. And I know it can be uncomfortable to be called out for something you never intended to hurt anyone with. I know it can feel like your voice won’t be heard or your experience won’t be validated in such a big space.

I shared a post a while ago by a creator that doesn’t write for this fandom. It was an ode to Black fanfic writers in general, and in the comments Black writers were tagging each other to show love. And I knew there was something wrong when I wanted to share it but felt deeply hesitant about tagging anyone because I didn’t want Black writers to receive hate.

One of my favorite things about this fandom is how global it is. Getting to make friends with folks around the world is such a treat. I also know racism and fascism are not unique to one region.

It’s Black history month in the states and in Canada. I know other countries observe Black history month in other months. It’s an intentional observation for a reason.

For us, this is a hobby. We’re here voluntarily, and mostly anonymously, but we’re all people. Community is so vital to thwarting the dangers of fascism and hateful rhetoric.

This IS a post about racism.

But racism is absolutely entangled with sexism, classism, ableism, ethnocentrism, capitalism, colonialism, imperialism, patriarchal hegemony, etc.

This isn’t just a rant. It’s an ask. I’m asking my peers—writers, readers, gif makers, lurkers, etc.— to help.

Reflect on what you share and post. Think about how others perceive you.

I’m asking my peers to be curious and open to discussions. To ask questions if you see covert racism. To be willing to accept feedback.

We can be gentle with one another.

Like, ‘hey, I saw this and am wondering if you’re aware of the origin or the impact it might have?’ or ‘can I share how this may be misinterpreted or harmful?’

Be kind sure, but be an advocate!

If you see someone posting about a character being their ‘spirit animal’ — send them a DM! If you read something that stereotypes a race, let the author know! There’s plenty of online resources for writing characters from other races without falling back on harmful tropes.

And even better… support your Black and brown peers. Share their work. Show them you value their presence in the fandom.

I encourage folks to read fics with original characters or reader characters with explicitly diverse ethnicities and tell the author you appreciate that character! Recommend the work to friends.

I never shut up about how much I love @furious-rogue-stuff ‘s Heat and the story is incredibly compelling *because* the reader is a Latina written by a Latina.

Anyway, I come to this hellsite to laugh and be horny—but at my core I am an ethical hater and I only wrote all of this because I care and I want this space to be inclusive.

I’m not speaking on behalf of anyone else and I don’t want to speak over anyone. I’m open to feedback or ideas.

I’m tagging some mutuals I interact with and some that I don’t know very well, not to curse y’all with reading my long winded post but to ask: when you have the capacity will you help take action to make this community stronger? Will you commit to being open to feedback and growth?

Bottom line I just wanna read about getting railed by that fictional guy and I want my Black and brown peers to have the opportunity to enjoy the same escape from reality.

I feel like this is worth posting because I think y’all can make a difference. So many of y’all write and analyze stories and characters with such nuance and passion and detail—and that’s why i believe you can help spot subtle and insidious forms of racism and make real changes.

TL;DR: I’m asking everyone to be proactive when you see microaggressions or covert racism in the fandom, and to be willing to accept feedback and learn from each other. Being passive is a luxury and a privilege our marginalized peers do not have. Let’s be more than performative or not racist. Be active. Be anti-racist.

some tags for folks (no pressure to share, I don’t want attention I just want to encourage folks to take time to reflect or let me know what you think idk): *not calling anyone out as having committed any offenses just feeling compelled to share the message i guess

@auteurdelabre @joelmillerisapunk @lotusbxtch @probablyreadinsmut @ace-turned-confused @baronessvonglitter @yxtkiwiyxt @slimybeth69 @bitchesuntitled @thundermartini @sin-djarin @strang3lov3 @mermaidgirl30 @for-a-longlongtime @mrs-hardy-hunnam-butler-pascal @evolnoomym @wannab-urs @sanarsi @yopossum @almostfoxglove @itwasntimethatdidit40 @syd-djarin @miss-oranje-disco-dancer

to anyone: please start conversations or reach out to me or send me an anon ask if you want to discuss something or share, idc but i’m begging y’all to listen to each other and advocate for one another and be open to self-reflection 💗 editing to add: if i tagged you it was not a callout that i think you've done something specific to reflect on-- just a general invite to join me in being intentional and to invite feedback if you have any! if i made anyone anxious i apologize! - to clarify when i said 'it's not that deep' i mean that maybe fanfic is easily brushed off as not that deep, but every blog is a real person (minus the army of porn bots) and we form real connections in this community <3

[solaceseven]

to all the boys i've loved before

↳ summary: you never meant for anyone to read those letters. they were just old confessions—words left unsaid, feelings you’d long buried. but now, years later, they’re out. and one by one, the men they were meant for are confronting you. some are amused. some are curious. some have been waiting for this moment all along. and the worst part? maybe—just maybe—some feelings never really go away.

pairings: reader x gojo, geto, nanami, sukuna, and toji (all separate)

inspired by the novel/movie to all the boys i’ve loved before.

click on the letter for better quality!

GOJO - BROTHER’S BEST FRIEND 💌

you weren’t expecting to see gojo today.

which was why, when you opened your front door and found him standing there—white hair slightly tousled, sunglasses perched on his head, a piece of paper twirling lazily between his fingers—you froze.

it wasn’t just any piece of paper.

it was your letter.

the one you wrote years ago. the one you never meant for him—or anyone—to read.

“hey there, love letter writer,” gojo drawled, grinning. “wanna tell me what this is about?”

your stomach dropped.

“what?” you choked out, blinking.

gojo took a step forward, and you instinctively stepped back. he wasn’t intimidating—not really—but the look in his eyes sent a prickle down your spine. he was enjoying this, enjoying having this over you.

you crossed your arms, feigning indifference. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“oh?” he unfolded the letter—slowly, deliberately—his gaze flicking between the words and you. “so you didn’t write, and i quote—‘i hated that i read into every little thing you did. that i let myself wonder, even for a second, if you ever saw me the way i saw you.’”

“give me that,” you snapped, lunging for the letter.

gojo easily lifted it above his head, laughing as you stretched onto your toes. you huffed, stepping back before you embarrassed yourself further.

"how did hell did you even get this?" you demanded, eyes narrowing. "were you in my room back at my parents' house? you snoop."

gojo chuckled, "tempting, but no. got it in the mail."

your stomach twisted, a slow, creeping dread curling around your ribs. the letters—your letters—were out. exposed. the words you had buried, the confessions you had locked away, now in the hands of the very people they were never meant to reach. the realization hit like a punch to the gut, stealing the breath from your lungs. 

you felt unsteady, like the ground beneath you had shifted without warning. “it wasn’t meant for you,” you muttered, arms crossing tighter, as if that could somehow shield you from the weight of his gaze

he tilted his head. “oh, no? because it sure sounds like it was meant for me.”

you clenched your jaw. “it was a long time ago, gojo. it doesn’t matter anymore.”

he hummed, considering. “see, that’s the thing—i think it does matter.”

you turned on your heel. “whatever. i don’t have time for this.”

before you could take another step, his fingers wrapped around your wrist, firm but not forceful.

“hey.”

the teasing lilt in his voice was gone. when you turned back, his usual grin had softened, something unreadable in his gaze.

“if it doesn’t matter,” he murmured, “then why are you running away from me?”

you swallowed hard. “because… because it’s embarrassing, okay?” the words came out quieter than you intended. “i wrote that when i was stupid and young, and i don’t need you throwing it in my face like some kind of joke.”

gojo didn’t say anything for a moment. his thumb brushed absently over your pulse, like he was memorizing the way it raced beneath his touch.

then, finally, he exhaled, releasing you.

“it’s not a joke,” he said, almost too soft to hear.

you frowned. “what?”

he glanced away, slipping his hands into his pockets. suddenly, he looked almost… hesitant.

“you think i’m teasing you, but i’m not,” he admitted. “i just—” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “i guess i didn’t expect to read something like that from you.”

“why?”

gojo let out a quiet laugh, but it lacked his usual cockiness. “because i thought i was the only one who felt that way.”

your heart stumbled.

GETO - THE BOY FROM SEVENTH GRADE 💌

you weren’t expecting to see him again.

not here, not now—not standing in front of your apartment complex like something out of a dream you hadn’t let yourself have in years. not after parting ways after your high school graduation.

but there he was.

suguru geto, leaning against the railing near the entrance, his hands tucked into his pockets, looking just as devastatingly familiar as ever. his hair was longer now, his features sharper, but his eyes—those same deep, knowing eyes—hadn’t changed at all.

and in his hand—your letter.

your stomach twisted. you had already known the letters were out, had already braced yourself for this moment. but knowing didn’t make it any easier.

“you still write letters you never send?” his voice was smooth, teasing, but there was something else beneath it—something quieter, something careful.

you swallowed hard. “how did you find me?”

he lifted a brow. “your brother.”

of course.

geto let the words settle before glancing down at the paper in his hand, running his thumb over its edge. “you looked for me?”

you inhaled sharply, looking away. “it was a long time ago.”

“but you did.” his voice was softer now, but there was something bold in the way he held your gaze, refusing to let you run from this.

you swallowed, fingers curling into fists at your sides. “did you ever look for me?” the words left your mouth before you even realized, unguarded, betraying the uncertainty you hadn’t meant to show.

geto exhaled, eyes flickering with something you couldn’t place. he didn’t answer right away, and for a second, the silence between you felt heavier than the years you’d spent apart.

then, slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out something small and folded.

another letter.

your breath caught.

“i guess we both never learned how to say things out loud, huh?” his smile was softer now, a little bittersweet. he pressed the letter into your palm, his fingers lingering just long enough to make your pulse stutter.

“i don’t know if it changes anything,” he murmured. “but you should know—you were never the only one searching.”

and just like that, you couldn’t breathe.

NANAMI - FORMER TUTOR 💌

you were exhausted.

work had drained every last bit of energy from you, leaving you barely standing. all you wanted was to go home, kick off your shoes, and let the day fade into nothing.

but apparently, the universe wasn’t done with you yet.

because standing in front of you, holding a very familiar envelope in his hands, was nanami kento.

you groaned, dragging a hand down your face.

not again.

“nanami, before you say anything—i know. i know it got sent out. i know it’s embarrassing. i know you probably want to forget this ever happened, and honestly? same.”

nanami didn’t say anything right away. he just looked at you, his expression unreadable as he turned the letter over in his hands. that alone made you even more nervous—he was always so direct, so straightforward, but now he seemed… hesitant.

you shifted uncomfortably. “look, i—i wrote that a long time ago, okay? it doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

his gaze flickered up to meet yours, sharp, unreadable. “did it ever?”

your breath caught in your throat. you weren’t sure how to answer that—because yes, of course it did. every single word in that letter had been real, had been true. you had poured your feelings onto that page, never expecting him to actually read it.

but admitting that now? you weren’t sure you had it in you.

so you did what any rational person would do—you backpedaled. hard.

“uh, no! nope. just silly, dumb, totally meaningless words. you know how it is, youthful foolishness and all that.” you forced a laugh, waving your hand dismissively. “honestly, you should just throw it away. forget it even exists.”

nanami sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “you’re a terrible liar.”

your face burned. “okay, rude.”

for a moment, he didn’t say anything. the silence stretched between you, heavy, suffocating. you wanted to fill it with more rambling, but something in his gaze stopped you.

finally, he spoke.

“i don’t want to throw it away.”

your heart stuttered. “what?”

nanami exhaled, like he was weighing his next words carefully. “if i had known back then…” he trailed off, his fingers tightening around the letter. “i don’t know. maybe things would have been different.”

you swallowed hard. “different how?”

he didn’t answer right away. but then, so quietly you almost missed it, he said—

“i wouldn’t have ignored the way i felt about you.”

your mouth opened, but no words came out. you had prepared for embarrassment, for rejection, for the whole ordeal to end in awkward silence and regret.

but this?

this, you had never even let yourself hope for.

SUKUNA - ACADEMIC RIVALS 💌

you weren’t ready for this conversation.

not now. not ever.

the second you spotted sukuna leaning casually against the hood of your car, arms crossed, an unmistakable smirk playing on his lips, you knew you were screwed.

your feet faltered. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you hadn’t seen him in years—had gone out of your way to avoid him after graduating university—and yet here he was, standing like he belonged there, like no time had passed at all.

and in his hand, twirling lazily between his fingers, was your letter.

your stomach plummeted.

“didn’t know you had such a way with words,” sukuna mused, his voice just as sharp and cocky as you remembered. he flicked the paper open, his eyes gleaming as he read aloud. “i gotta say, i hate you is a hell of an opening line.”

a flush crept up your neck. “you weren’t supposed to receive that.” you choked out, still processing the fact that he had it.

“oh, sweetheart,” he crooned, pushing off your car and strolling toward you. “you really think something this interesting wouldn’t find its way to me?”

you clenched your fists, fighting every instinct to snatch it from his hands. “give it back, sukuna.”

he hummed, as if considering, before his eyes flicked to the letter again. “i hate that i notice you in a room full of people. that i can recognize your voice before i even see you.”

your breath hitched.

“and my personal favorite,” he continued, lifting his gaze to meet yours, heat burning behind his crimson eyes. “i think if you asked, i’d let you ruin me.”

your body went rigid. “sukuna.”

his grin widened. “shit, sweetheart, if i knew you felt that way, i would’ve stopped holding back ages ago.”

a lump lodged itself in your throat. this wasn’t happening. not like this.

“i wrote that a long time ago,” you managed, desperate to regain control. “it doesn’t mean anything now.”

sukuna’s expression shifted—still smug, still infuriating, but there was something else beneath it. something heavier. he took a slow step forward, forcing you to step back.

“so if i kissed you right now,” he murmured, voice dropping into something dangerously soft, “you wouldn’t feel a thing?”

silence stretched between you, thick and suffocating.

you didn’t answer. you couldn’t.

his smirk returned, triumphant. “that’s what i thought.”

and just like that, he turned on his heel, walking off like he hadn’t just wrecked you in the span of three minutes.

TOJI - THE DAD OF THE KID YOU USED TO BABYSIT 💌

you hadn’t babysat megumi in years.

university had ended, you had a steady job now, and toji was nothing more than a name from the past—someone you used to see every week when you were younger, back when you were just a broke student watching over his kid.

or at least, that’s what you thought.

until tonight.

you’d just gotten home from work when you heard the knock at your door—loud, deliberate, familiar. and when you opened it, your stomach dropped.

toji fushiguro stood in your doorway, one arm braced against the frame, a piece of paper pinched between his fingers.

the letter.

your heart stuttered.

“long time no see, kid,” he drawled, eyes sharp with amusement.

your mouth went dry. “toji—what are you doing here?”

he let out a low chuckle, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. “you tell me.” he held up the letter, giving it a little shake. “didn’t think i’d actually see this in my mail today.”

you winced.

he let the door swing shut behind him, casually tossing the letter onto your coffee table. “didn’t peg you for the sentimental type.”

your face burned. “that was—years ago,” you muttered, arms crossing over your chest. “i didn’t mean for it to be sent.”

“yeah?” he tilted his head, studying you, and god, you hated how easily he could make you squirm. “so what, you don’t still got a thing for me?”

you gawked at him. “are you serious?”

he smirked. “course.”

you groaned, rubbing a hand over your face. this was not how you expected your night to go.

when you looked back at him, his expression had shifted—just slightly, something quieter in his gaze. the teasing edge had softened, like he wasn’t just testing you anymore but offering something real.

he let the silence stretch, watching you, waiting.

then, with a small shrug, he said, “so what do you say? want to give us a shot?”

your breath hitched.

maybe—just maybe—you weren’t ready for this chapter to end yet.

i hope you all enjoy this! i kept the endings a bit open-ended so you can decide who the reader ends up with. but if you’d like, we can do a poll, and whoever wins, i’ll write a short story for their endgame! let me know what you think! :p

— a little backstory on this story! my best friend made me rewatch the movies with her, and somewhere along the way, inspiration struck. i thought, hmm, i want to write a story based on this. so, i created this account just for that—literally. this was actually supposed to be my first post, but i kept editing it because i wasn’t happy with how it turned out. then i kept editing and editing… until i ended up scrapping it altogether. for some reason, i struggled the most with geto’s—i don’t know why, but finding a trope for him that i was satisfied with was so frustrating. it was driving me insane. and after all that, this still didn’t end up being my first post, lmao. even now, i’m not fully happy with gojo’s :/ but i’ve edited it so much at this point that i’m just leaving it as is. that being said, if you ever see gojo’s story change a bit… you know why hehe. long story short! this was originally supposed to be released back in december, but i never got around to it. then i picked it back up in mid-january, and now i’m finally releasing it! :D my favorite one was geto’s 🥺 what about yours?

[morgana-larkin]

I was gonna have this out earlier but I was having major period cramps earlier so it's didn't really happen. Anyway, the story really takes a turn here. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

Part 11

Just Tired - Part 12

Warnings: Manipulative relationship (Mentioned), Swearing, Smut

Words: 4.05k

Melissa wakes up and looks over to beside her and expects a young woman there only to find it empty. She then looks around and sees that she’s in your room and some memories come to her brain.  She gets up, gets dressed and goes downstairs and sees you’re already up. 

“Morning, how do you feel?” You ask her.

“Not so good.” She says. “My memories are a little hazy, why am I in your house?” She asks you.

“Well I wasn’t there the entire time so I can only tell you what I know.” You say to her and she nods. “I went there because Barb was worried about you and I found you dancing with some young woman. You threw up when I tried talking to you but we had a discussion right after to which you childishly walked away and went back to dance. I stayed to keep an eye on you and then you began making out with some girl, apparently to hurt me, and then I walked out. You followed after me, and also tripped, I brought you back here to clean up the cut and then you fell asleep.” You explain and Melissa takes a few seconds to process what you just said as some memories were coming back to her. 

“I was such an ass to you.” She says and then comes to join you on the couch. You hand her a plate with some toast on it and she takes it. “Thank you.” She says and takes a bite.

“Why were you being an ass? You ignored me all week and then went on Friday and Saturday night to the bar alone. You mentioned that you thought I was moving on from you but nothing else. I mean why were you spiraling?” 

“Because I thought I was losing you and you make me feel safe. So I thought I was losing what makes me feel safe.” She explains.

“Well you don’t have to worry about that, I’m not going anywhere.” You tell her and she looks at you.

“Thank you.” She says softly. “And I’m sorry.”

“I understand. I’m your safety net right now and it’s scary when you think you could lose it.” You tell her and she looks down as a tear falls down her face. “Melissa.” You say and you gently grab her chin and get her to look at you. “I forgive you. I’m not mad at you at all. If anything I was worried about you.” You tell her and she looks at you in disbelief.

“You forgive me?” She asks softly and you nod. “But- but I hurt you and I wanted you to feel that way.” 

“True, you intended to hurt me and I was upset that you were making out with a girl, but your emotions were getting the best of you and you acted out to try and protect yourself and make yourself feel better.” You tell her and she looks down again. “Melissa, did Joe tell you it wasn’t ok to cry?” You ask her and she nods without looking at you. “It’s ok to cry, it’s part of being human and crying makes you feel better.”

“No, it’s not ok, it’s…” She chokes out and doesn’t finish the sentence.

“It’s what? What did he tell you?” 

“It means I’m too sensitive, too emotional and that it makes me look pathetic.” She says as more tears stream down her face.

“I can promise you right now that none of that is true.” You tell her and she looks at you. “You’re a strong independent woman, and maybe you’re a bit emotional right now but you just escaped hell. If you weren’t emotional then I’d be worried.” You tell her and you hear her sniffle as she tries to stop her crying. “Hey, you don’t have to stop, come here.” You tell her and she puts her plate down and she leans into your touch as you wrap your arms around her. 

As soon as you begin hugging her, it’s like a dam breaks and Melissa starts crying. She wraps her arms around you and just cries into your chest. She just keeps crying for a few minutes and then she starts slowing down and starts sniffing. You begin stroking her head and rub her back and you feel her hug you tighter. You reach over to the table in front of the couch and grab the box of tissue and you hand it to her. 

“Thank you.” She says, voice raspy from the crying as she grabs a tissue. 

“I’ll always be here to help you, Melissa.” You tell her and give her a kiss on the top of her head.

“How did I get so lucky with you?” 

“Well maybe the universe made sure I was born so that I could help you.” You tell her and she hums.

“I’m glad you were born.” She says.

“Me too.” You tell her and wrap your arms around her. “By the way, yesterday you mentioned something and I want to know if it’s true.” You say.

“What did I say?”

“You said that you told those 2 girls not to touch you when they took you home. Is that true?”

“Ya, I couldn’t go through with it. I mean how could I when all I thought about was you?” She says and you lean your head on top of her head. 

“That girl I went home with, I imagined you the entire time.” You tell her and she lifts her head up and looks at you. 

“I’m sorry that I’m not ready for anything. Right now I need something casual or one night or even friends.” She says and you cup her cheek.

“I understand.” You tell her and she looks into your eyes. “Maybe… maybe you'd be interested in casual dating.” You say to her.

“What’s casual dating?” 

“Well it’s two people that date but they’re not in a relationship, they don’t put a title on it. They can go on dates or have sex, but it’s not exclusive.” You explain.

“That does sound nice but I don’t really want to try dating apps or anything to find someone like that.” She says and looks down.

“Well maybe…we could.” You offer and she looks at you.

“Are you offering to be my casual date?” She asks and you nod. “Why?”

“Because we’re both attracted to each other but you’re not wanting to be in a relationship right now, so maybe we can explore some casual dating with each other.” You explain and she looks down as she thinks about it.

“Are you sure?” She asks and you nod.

“I’m sure.” You say and she sits up. 

“Well I guess that leaves one question then.” She says and you quirk your eyebrows. “Will you go on a date with me?” She asks and you smile before nodding.

“Yes I will.” You tell her and she smiles. 

“Is tonight good for you?” She asks you and you nod.

“I did everything yesterday so I got nothing going on today.” You say.

“Can you drive me to Barb’s house? I would like to get ready for this date.” She says and you look at your phone.

“It’s 9am, when do you want to go on this date?” You ask her.

“Noon?” She asks and you chuckle. 

“Ok, noon it is.” You confirm and then you drive her to Barb’s. “Hey Barb.” You tell her as you and Melissa walk through the door.

“Oh Melissa, are you ok?” She asks her.

“I’m alright, Y/n helped me yesterday and this morning. And I want to say I’m sorry for snapping at you and I hope you’re not mad at me.” She says to Barb.

“I was never mad at you, Melissa. I was so worried about you and I didn’t know what to do.” She says to Melissa and Melissa goes and hugs her. “Melissa, you’ve been my friend for 15 years, it’ll take a lot more than you snapping and slamming a door in my face to push me away.”

“Thank you, Barb.” She says and then turns to you. “I’ll see you in a few hours?” She asks you and you smile and nod.

“Am I picking you up or are you picking me up?”

“Hm, I’ll come pick you up.” She tells you and you nod.

“See you soon.” You say and then leave.

“So want to tell me what you guys are doing later?” Barb asks her.

“She told me about this thing called casual dating, where we date but we don’t have a relationship and we could still do physical things like kiss if we want.” She explains to Barb.

“So you two are dating then?”

“If today goes well then hopefully.” Melissa says with a smile before she goes upstairs to get ready.

Melissa pulls up a couple minutes after noon and knocks on your door. You open the door and Melissa's eyes widen and her brain freezes when she sees your outfit.

“Wow.” Melissa says breathlessly when she takes in your little red dress that gives her a view of your cleavage and bottom of your thighs. You blush at her compliment and then look at her outfit. 

“You look beautiful, Melissa, absolutely beautiful.” You tell her as you take in her outfit. She’s wearing the iconic leather pants and jacket and a very revealing and beautiful pink shirt. You also notice that she decided to have her hair in a ponytail and she did her makeup a bit differently.

“Thanks hon, are you ready?”

“Yep, where are we going?” You ask her.

“I thought of taking a walk in the park and stop by the ice cream shop and if you’re up for it, go to my room after.” She says and you quirk an eyebrow at her.

“Your room for what exactly? Talk? Make out? Sex?” You ask her.

“Any of those I wouldn’t mind to be honest.” She tells you and you playfully shove her as you walk past her and she giggles. 

Melissa drives you both to the park and you get out and have a stroll through it.

“So do you have any questions you want to ask, get to know me better?” Melissa asks you.

“Does this mean I have free range and will actually get answers?” You counter and she hums.

“Maybe, you won’t know unless you ask.” She says

“Alright, we can start easy, you said you have 8 siblings right?” You ask and she nods.

“Can’t believe you remember that but yes, 5 sisters and 3 brothers.” She tells you.

“And what are their names?” You ask her.

“Well there’s Kristen Marie, Marie, Marie Camille, Maria Christina, sister Toni, brother Tony, John Anthony and Seamus.” She says.

“Seamus? Why is his name so different from the others?”

“Different dad.” She tells you and you nod.

“Do you have a favourite sibling?”

“No, they’re all annoying.” She says but you can tell she loved all of them.

“Have you told any of them about your pending divorce?” You ask her and she shakes her head.

“I’ll only tell them when I’m actually divorced.” She tells you.

“Don’t you think they might ask questions on Thanksgiving or even Christmas when Joe is not there?” You ask and she hums.

“I didn’t think about that.” Is all she says. “My family doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving but we do celebrate Christmas and it’s Marie’s turn this year to host the Christmas dinner.” She tells you.

“You said you were the oldest sibling, so shouldn’t they have some respect for you? So I’m sure they won’t mind that you’re getting a divorce.” You tell her and she chuckles.

“Hon, this is an Italian family. They can be old fashioned at times.”

“You said they’ll only take you out of the loop, but they’ll still be your family.” You tell her and she shrugs.

“I guess. Since you asked some family questions, I want to ask you some.” She tells you and you nod.

“Ask away.” You tell her and she goes and asks a few questions about your family as you both walk around the park. She finishes asking you questions and you notice the tire swing is free. “Come on.” You say and take her hand before leading her to the tire.

“Where are you taking me?” She asks while laughing.

“To the tire swing of course!” You say and tell her to get on.

“Hon, I’m too old for it.” She says and crosses her arms.

“Get on the damn tire.” You say and challenge her with your gaze. She sighs before she goes and gets on the tire. She gets on one side and rests her feet in the middle of the tire on the other side. You go underneath the tire and pop up in the middle of it, in between her legs.

“Well that’s a view.” She says and you roll your eyes playfully before you hold the rope of the tire and do a run and jump on the tire, with your legs in between hers, as it starts swinging you both. You see Melissa starts laughing as you both swing on it and you decide to do something extra. You stop the tire from swinging and stand back in the middle before you start spinning it around, twisting the rope. “What are you doing?” She asks and you smirk.

“You’ll see.”

“I don’t know if I want to find out as you’re smirking.” She says and you giggle. Once you’re satisfied you’ve twisted it enough, you do the run and jump again. Only this time it’s untwisting as it swings.

“Aaaahhh!” Melissa yells out before she starts laughing. “This is a lot of fun.” She says as you’re still swinging.

“I did this all the time as a kid.” You say.

“I don’t doubt that.” She says through giggles. When the swing stops, you stand in the middle again to get it to swing again but Melissa stops you by wrapping her legs around your waist and brings you closer to her.

“Careful Ms. Schemmenti, there’s kids around.” You tell with a flirty tone and she hums.

“How can I be careful when you’re in front of me, in between my legs?” She asks and you smile.

“You find it hot when I’m between your legs?” You ask her and she nods.

“Very much so.” She says and she leans forward for a kiss but you place a finger on her lips. “You’re stopping me again?” She asks after you remove your finger.

“Oh I’m going to kiss you but not in the middle of the playground.” You tell her and get out from the tire and go behind her and you grab the rope close to where her hands are and place your head on her shoulder. “Because when I start kissing you, I won’t want to stop.” You say and start spinning the tire, twisting the rope. Once you twist it quite a bit, you let go and watch as Melissa is spinning and laughing. Once it's done moving, she looks at you with a smile. 

“Help me get off of this thing.” She says and you hold your hand out for her and she takes it and gets off. “Thank you, that was a lot of fun.” She tells you and you move back on the sidewalk as some kids come to play on the tire.

“How about we go to the ice cream shop now?” You ask her and she nods and she holds your hand as you walk to the ice cream shop. You both enter the shop and look at all the different choices before you decide on chocolate.

“Of course you go with chocolate, you chocoholic.” She says and you wink at her before she orders. You go and get your card out but then you hear a beep and look to see that Melissa already tapped her card on the machine and paid for both.

“You’re sneaky.” You say and she smiles at you before she gets handed her ice cream. A few seconds later you get handed yours. “Thank you.” You tell the worker and then you both walk out of the shop and start walking and eating your ice cream. Melissa glances at you as you take a big lick of your ice cream and she can’t help her mind from going places. 

“Is there anything else that tongue is good at licking?” She asks and you look at her with a smirk. 

“There is one other thing that I have some experience with.” You tell her and she gets wet between the legs.

“Let’s walk back to my car, and maybe drive us back to Barb’s? She’s not home right now and she won’t be home until the evening.” She says and you both start walking to her car while eating your ice cream. 

You get back to her car just as you both finish eating and then you get in and she drives you both to her temporary home. You get out after putting her car in park and she lets you both in and you take her hand and lead her to the bedroom. You enter her room and close the door before you bring her to the bed and you both sit down on the side of the bed. You can tell she’s a bit nervous so you cup her cheek and get her to look at you.

“We don’t have to do anything.” You tell her.

“I want to do it with you but this time I’ll want to be touched.” She tells you and you hum.

“And not only will you be touched, you’ll have an orgasm or multiple ones.” You say and she blushes and looks away.

“It’s been awhile since that’s happened.” She says and you lean forward and kiss her. She wraps her arms around your waist and pulls you closer to her. She then leans forward and pushes you backward and you get on your back. While kissing her you take her leather jacket off and fling it across the room. She runs her hands all over her body before she holds your hands and moves your arms over your head. “Is there a zipper on the dress or do I just pull it off?” She asks and you smile.

“Just pull it off.” You say and help her as she pulls it off of you and she looks at your half naked body.

“God, you’re so sexy.” She says as she touches all over your body. You reach for the hem of her shirt and then you take it off and freeze when you see her boobs in a fantastic bra and you get a better look at them. “I think you’re obsessed with my tits.” She says.

“How could I not with how big they are?” You ask and she giggles before she gets on your lap and pulls you up in a seated position. She cups both your cheeks and kisses you before she trails her down and goes behind to unclip your bra. She flings it across the room without looking and touches all over your exposed stomach before she looks.

“You look so beautiful.” She says and you tuck a strand behind her ear and she leans into your touch.

“You’re so sweet. I want to see your body as well, are you ok with that?” You ask and she nods.

“Please.” She says and you immediately unclip her bra and take it off and your mouth waters at the sight. “Please touch them all you want, Joe barely touched them.” She says and you look at her in shock.

“He had access to these magnificent boobs and he barely touched them?” You ask and she nods. “He’s such a fucking idiot.” You say before you lean forward and put a nipple in your mouth. She gasps at the sensation and puts her hands in your hair so you don’t move. You pay attention to what gets the most noises out of her and repeat the movements that she likes the best. After you’re satisfied enough, you switch to the other one and do the same movements that she likes. She ends up pulling you off of her and gets you on your back and puts one of your nipples in her mouth. Pretty much anything she does will get sounds out of you and she’s enjoying pleasing you. When she finishes with both nipples she trails up to your neck and sucks on it. “Oh god, Melissa.” You gasp out and she smirks as she feels you rub your thighs together. She slowly peels your underwear off of you and sees how wet you are.

“You’re soaking.” She says and runs a finger through your folds and you moan and buck your hips.

“Please, I need you.” You beg and she smiles before she slips a finger inside of you and you gasp.

“You’re so wet and tight, you feel perfect.” She says as she starts pumping. She then adds another finger and you buck your hips before she pins you down with her free hand. She then curls her fingers inside of you and you see stars and she goes faster as well. She then trails her free hand down and circles your clit.

“Oh my god, don’t stop.” You say and she watches as you get closer and closer to an orgasm. You wrap your hands in her hair and tighten them as you’re at the edge. Melissa feels you clench around her fingers and your legs shake. You then let go and your orgasm rushes through you. “Oh my god.” You say as you catch your breath. You then wrap your arms around her waist and flip you both so you’re on top and she’s underneath you.

“Oof.” She says and then you kiss her and she moans into the kiss. You trail down to her neck and make sure to leave a couple hickeys on her neck. You then take off her leather pants and underwear and see how wet she is.

“You’re perfect.” You say and you see the blush that makes its way on her cheeks and you think she couldn’t look more beautiful. You kiss all over her chest as you play with a nipple and she’s moaning underneath you.

“Please, stick a finger inside of me.” She begs and how can you deny her anything? You trail a hand down and slip a finger inside her. “Oh my god, that feels so good.” She gasps out as you pump your finger inside of her. 

You then go down to her pussy and you kiss her clit before you start licking and sucking on her. She starts bucking her hips and you pin her down as you keep going. She puts her hands in your hair and moves her hands all over your hair as you keep giving her pleasure. Melissa then feels her orgasm start to build and she almost can’t believe it. It keeps getting stronger and stronger as she gets closer to her orgasm and she tightens her hold on your hair. 

“Oh god oh god! I’m so close!” She yells out before her orgasm washes all over her and she lets go of your hair.

“Do you want another one? I can give you two orgasms.” You offer and she chuckles.

“No, I’m good with just the one for now, come up here.” She tells you and you go lay beside her.

“How do you feel?” You ask her as she wraps an arm around you and pulls you to her body.

“I feel so good. I can’t even find the right words for how good I feel.” She says to you and you smile as you lay your head on her chest. “Thank you.” She tells you before she gives you a kiss on the top of your head.

“Anytime.” You tell her and wrap an arm around her waist and get comfortable. Melissa hums at the feeling and then she looks up at the ceiling and smiles.

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[msklassickilla]

Prada You Chapter 25 (The End)

Summary:

In the summer of 1998, sparks fly between Nyeya and Jey.

Nyeya is an 18-year-old around the way girl. Jey is older, paid, and fine. He is also the leader of the infamous Prada Bois alongside his twin brother Jimmy.  The two have chemistry. However, Nyeya has plans outside of her attraction. With a birthday around the corner and dreams of living a good life, Nyeya sets her sights on enjoying the perks of Jey's money and hood celebrity.

But baby girl has no clue what it takes to really be down. Nyeya is about to learn some hard life lessons at the expense of her 'Prada' priced dreams.

Pairing: Jey Uso x Nyeya (Nye) Green (OC)

Author’s Note: This story is happening in an alternative universe. It features the current and original Bloodline members along with other WWE stars. So, the characters are themselves, but some things are switched around for the stories sake. This was originally written with all original characters, but I think it could work better this way. Hope you guys enjoy it and I actually finish it...

Warning: Please be advised that this chapter contains violence, harsh/foul language, age gap relationships, violence, underage drinking,

Disclaimer: This work of art is fictional in nature including the original characters created by me. I do not own any of the existing characters or lyrics from songs referenced in this story (if any). All rights belong to their respective owners with the exception of my original characters. This work is purely for entertainment purposes and is not intended to cause harm.

Chapter 25: Forever Young (The End)

August 30th 1998

Sunday morning sunlight filtered through the blinds, casting thin golden lines across my bedroom floor. I sat cross-legged on the carpet, surrounded by an array of neatly wrapped gift bags, their glossy surfaces reflecting the light. Jey’s gifts. My fingers hesitated over the handles of one before I reached in and pulled out a small box. Inside lay a pair of red heels, their delicate straps glistening under the morning sun. They were stunning. My breath hitched as I realized they matched the dress I had picked for my party perfectly.

Jey had been paying attention.

Each bag held something I had casually mentioned in passing—perfume, jewelry, even a new journal with my initials engraved in the corner. My hands shook slightly as I reached for the last bag, feeling the weight of it settle in my lap. Nestled under the tissue paper was another pair of shoes I wanted and a white envelope with my name scrawled across it in familiar, uneven handwriting. My pulse quickened.

Tugging it open, a folded piece of paper slipped out and fluttered to the floor. I reached for it, carefully unfolding the letter inside.

Jey’s words sprawled across the page in black ink.

"Nyeya, I don’t know how to say this right, so I’ma just say it. I never learned how to love somebody the way they needed to be loved. I only knew how to take. To claim. To control. Because that’s what was done to me. That’s what I was taught. You know my dad wasn’t around unless it benefited him. My mom tried her best, but I found love in the streets first. The streets taught me how to be a man before anybody else did."

I swallowed hard, blinking away the burn creeping into my eyes.

"I wanted to be like my older cousin. He was everything I thought a man should be. Tough. Respected. Feared. He handled business, and he handled his women the same way. I followed that blueprint. I thought that’s how it was supposed to be. But you… you showed me something different. You made me want to unlearn everything I thought I knew. And I’m sorry, baby. I really am."

Tears slipped silently down my cheeks as I kept reading.

"I should’ve treated you better. I should’ve let you breathe instead of making you feel like you belonged to me in a way that wasn’t love. I don’t know if I can fix that, but I swear to you, I’m going to try. You want space? I’ma give you some. But I need you to know something: I ain’t letting you go. I love you too much. I need you too much. I can’t see myself living in this world without you in it."

My hands trembled as I clutched the letter to my chest. My breath shuddered out of me, my heart beating out a rhythm of confusion and longing.

I had spent days trying to convince myself I was over him. That I was done. That I could move on. But now, holding this letter, reading his words, feeling his pain woven between the ink and paper—I wasn’t so sure anymore.

Images flickered through my mind, moments frozen in time. The first time I met him. The way he looked at me like I was something worth having. The way he made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world when he was good to me. But then, the fights. The control. The possessiveness. The way he took and took without realizing I was running out of pieces to give.

I reached for the phone before I could talk myself out of it.

Jey answered on the second ring.

"Hey, baby," he said, voice low and rough like he had just woken up.

I tried to steady myself, but the lump in my throat wouldn’t go away. "I just read your letter," I whispered.

Jey was quiet for a beat. Then, softer, "You good?"

I wiped at my damp cheeks. "I don’t know. I—" My voice broke.

Jey exhaled into the receiver. "Ask me anything. Whatever you wanna know, I’ma tell you."

I knew he meant it.

I thought about the dozens of questions swirling in my mind. About us. About him. About everything we had been through and everything we might still face. But I didn’t want to do this over the phone.

"Can we talk in person?" I asked.

Jey didn’t hesitate. "Yeah. Let’s go to the lake. Just me and you."

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. "Okay."

"I’ll be there soon, baby. Just wait for me."

The call ended, but my heart kept racing. I set the phone down beside me, staring at Jey’s letter still clutched in my hands.

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I was walking right back into something I wouldn’t be able to escape from. But maybe, just maybe, this was something I needed. A final answer to the question that had been eating at me for weeks.

Did I really want to let him go?

---

The car ride to the lake was wrapped in silence, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. It was the kind of quiet that felt heavy with meaning, with thoughts neither of us could put into words just yet. The soft hum of the radio played a song I barely registered, and the steady rhythm of the road beneath us was almost hypnotic.

Jey kept one hand on the wheel, his other resting absentmindedly on my thigh. He wasn’t gripping it possessively, wasn’t trying to stake his claim—he was just… there. Present. And for once, it felt like he wasn’t trying to control the moment.

The sun hung low in the sky by the time we reached the lake, casting a warm, golden hue over the still water. The sight of it made my chest tighten. This place had always been peaceful to me, a sanctuary. A place where things made sense, even when my world felt like it was spiraling.

Jey parked and cut the engine. Without a word, we got out and walked towards a tree-covered spot, the soft crunch of grass under our sneakers filling the space between us. The air smelled fresh, tinged with the scent of water and pine, and for a moment, I closed my eyes, taking it in.

Jey sat down first, leaning back against the thick trunk of the tree, stretching his legs out in front of him. I sat beside him, pulling my knees up, wrapping my arms around them.

I started with small questions, ones that felt safe.

"What were you like as a kid?"

Jey exhaled through his nose, a half-laugh that held no humor. "Curious. Hardheaded. Always into shit."

"Tell me something I don’t know," I lightly chuckled.

Jey was quiet for a beat, then he spoke, his voice lower, softer. "I loved my mama more than anything. She was everything to me. She still is. But my pops… he wasn’t there unless he needed something. A favor, money, whatever. And when he was around, he acted like I was just some little dude that wasn’t worth his time."

I turned my head slightly, watching his profile. His jaw was tense, his hands clasped together between his knees.

"I spent most of my time looking for something to hold on to. Something that felt like…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "I don’t know. Stability? Control? Belonging?"

I nodded, letting him know I was listening, really listening.

"I found that in my cousin," Jey continued. "He was everything I wanted to be. Respected. Feared. Untouchable. When he walked into a room, people moved. They listened. I wanted that. I thought that was the only way to be a man."

His voice was laced with something I couldn’t quite place. Regret? Bitterness? A little of both?

"When he went to jail, everything changed. Me and Jimmy had to step up. People were looking at us to run things, to make sure we didn’t fall apart. But you know what? Nobody thought I could do it."

Jey let out a humorless laugh, shaking his head.

"They thought Jimmy would hold shit together. Not me. They said I was too soft. I wasn’t built for this life."

His hands clenched into fists against his thighs.

"That shit ate me up. My own people, the same ones I broke bread with, laughed with, called family—they ain’t believe in me. Not until I started proving myself."

I felt a lump form in my throat, but I stayed quiet, letting him get it all out.

"So, I did what I had to do," Jey said, his voice rising slightly, like the weight of his past was crashing down on him all at once. "I made moves. I took care of problems. I did shit that made people respect me. But it never felt like enough."

His breathing turned shallow. His shoulders were tense, his whole body rigid like he was trying to hold something in.

"I had to kill so many people, Nyeya," he whispered, and my blood ran cold. "So many."

He wasn’t looking at me anymore. His gaze was locked onto the water, but his eyes were distant, unfocused. Like he was seeing ghosts from his past.

"Every time, it got easier. Until it didn’t. Until it started eating at me. Until I started wondering if I was even a person anymore or just some monster they created."

Jey’s voice broke on the last word, and my heart shattered right along with it.

"I got so much blood on my hands," he murmured, his head falling forward. "I don’t even know who I am anymore."

He kept apologizing, over and over, like he was in some kind of daze. Like he wasn’t even talking to me anymore, but to the ghosts that haunted him.

I couldn’t take it. I reached for him, grabbing his face between my hands, forcing him to look at me.

"Hey," I whispered. "Look at me, Jey."

His eyes flickered up to mine, and I saw it. The pain. The weight. The fear.

"You are enough." My voice was firm, unwavering. "No matter what’s happened, no matter what you’ve done, you are enough."

Jey’s lip trembled.

"You hear me?" I asked, my thumbs brushing against his cheeks.

He nodded slowly, like he wasn’t sure if he believed it, but he wanted to.

"You’re not that little boy trying to prove himself anymore. You don’t have to fight for respect. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. You are enough, Jey."

Tears welled in his eyes, and for the first time, he let them fall.

I held him. I let him cry.

I poured into him, telling him all the things I wished someone had told him before he had to become the man he was today. I told him he wasn’t just his mistakes. That he wasn’t just the blood on his hands. That he still had time to figure out who he wanted to be.

I didn’t know if he believed me. But I needed him to hear it. We stayed there until the sun dipped below the horizon, the sky painted in streaks of pink and orange.

By the time Jey dropped me off at home, I was emotionally drained. As I lay in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, one thought lingered in my mind. I was starting to have a change of heart.

But could I really love someone who was this broken?

---

August 31st 1998

The late morning sunbathed the campus in a golden hue as I stepped into the community college, the crisp scent of freshly printed brochures mixing with the faint aroma of coffee from the nearby student lounge. The place buzzed with quiet energy—students moving between offices, advisors speaking in hushed but enthusiastic tones, the occasional burst of laughter from the hallway.

I had never really pictured myself here, sitting in a stiff chair across from an advisor, filling out enrollment forms, trying to piece together a future that felt so uncertain. But now, as I tapped my pen against the edge of the desk, waiting for the next question, something inside me stirred—maybe this was where I was supposed to be.

The advisor, a middle-aged woman with kind brown eyes and a welcoming smile, glanced up from her papers. “So, Miss Green, do you have any idea what you’d like to major in? Or maybe a career path you’re interested in?”

I hesitated for a moment, letting the question settle. It was something I had been thinking about but hadn’t quite voiced out loud. The idea had been lingering at the back of my mind, like a quiet whisper waiting to be acknowledged.

“I think I want to be a psychologist,” I finally said, my voice stronger than I expected.

The advisor’s eyebrows lifted slightly. “That’s a great field. What made you choose that?”

I took a breath, feeling the weight of my answer before speaking. “Because I want to help people heal… people who think they’re too far gone. I want them to see that they don’t have to stay broken, that they can still turn things around and be good people.”

The advisor studied me for a moment before smiling warmly. “I like that answer. The world needs more people who think like you.”

I smiled back, but inside, I felt something shift—a sense of purpose settling deep in my chest.

After finalizing my paperwork and getting my class schedule, I walked out of the building feeling lighter, like I was finally taking a step toward something bigger than myself. I had spent so much time being wrapped up in Jey’s world, in Prada Boi business, in chaos and uncertainty. But this? This felt like a decision I made for me.

That high lasted until I pulled up to my building and spotted a familiar car parked out front.

Him.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I approached. He leaned against the hood of his car, arms crossed over his broad chest, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world. He was wearing a white tank top that showed off his tattoos, and for once, he didn’t look tense—he looked… calm. Relaxed. Less like the Jey who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I stopped in front of him, tilting my head. “What brings you by?”

Jey smirked, pulling out his keys and twirling them around his finger. “I wanted Waffle House. Thought I’d see if you wanted to roll with me.” His eyes skimmed over me with something unreadable. “Plus, I wanna hear how things went at the college.”

I raised an eyebrow at that, surprised by the interest. But I wasn’t about to turn down free food. “Alright,” I said, slipping into the passenger seat.

The ride was smooth, easy. Jey listened as I told him about my advisor, about choosing psychology, about what I wanted to do with it. He nodded along, actually paying attention, which caught me off guard.

“That’s real,” he said after I finished. “I can see you doing that. You got the heart for it.”

His words caught me off guard. I turned to look at him, but he was focused on the road, one hand gripping the wheel, the other resting on his thigh. He had said it so casually, but it felt genuine.

At Waffle House, we slid into a booth, the scent of bacon and coffee thick in the air. It felt… normal. No tension, no drama, just two people eating and talking. It reminded me of the times we were good, when things between us weren’t so complicated.

For once, Jey wasn’t pretending, wasn’t looking over his shoulder, wasn’t distracted. He just listened. And when he wasn’t listening, he was making me laugh with some story about Jimmy getting too high and eating three whole boxes of dry ass cereal in one sitting. For the first time in a long time, I felt like we were actually moving in the right direction.

Then his phone rang.

I watched as his entire demeanor shifted in an instant. His muscles tensed, his jaw locked, and the lightness in his eyes disappeared. He let it ring for a few seconds before answering, keeping his voice low. I couldn’t hear who was on the other line, but whatever was being said wasn’t good.

When he hung up, I knew before he even spoke.

“Gotta wrap this up,” he muttered, pulling out some cash and tossing it on the table. “I got some business to handle, mamas.”

I didn’t press. I knew better. The ride back was quiet, not in the comfortable way it had been earlier, but in the kind of way that made me nervous. Jey gripped the wheel tighter than necessary, his mind obviously elsewhere. I wanted to ask, but I also didn’t.

I was done being in Prada Boi business. When he pulled up to my building, I leaned over, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Call me later?”

Jey exhaled through his nose, nodding. “Yeah. I will.”

The rest of my night was slow, spent flipping through TV channels and listening to the radio. I tried not to think about Jey, but my gut told me something was amiss. When my phone rang, I sat up quickly, expecting his name to flash across the screen. It wasn’t him. It was Kiyah.

I answered, and before I could even get a word out, she launched into her gossip.

“Bitch, tell me why the Prada Bois are beefing with some old associates over drugs and money?”

My stomach tightened. I stayed quiet, and Kiyah took that as her cue to keep talking. “You remember that dude Damian got into it with at Tama’s party when they we're at the bar?”

I thought back for a second, vaguely recalling the altercation. “I guess,” I said slowly.

All I could remember from that night was that kiss from Damian. A kiss I was wanting to forget.

“Well,” Kiyah huffed. “Jacob told me that dude was brought in by Jey to handle a deal with some new buyer. But the deal went south, and now both crews are blaming each other. Prada Bois lost money and product. And you know what that means.”

I swallowed hard. “It might turn into an all-out war.”

“Exactly,” Kiyah said, clicking her tongue. “And we both know Jey or the others ain’t the type to let that slide.”

I sat back against my pillows, my fingers tightening around the phone. My gut had been right. Something was definitely wrong. Kiyah kept talking, but my mind was elsewhere. Jey had been tense. Distracted. And now, knowing what I did, I understood why.

I should’ve pressed. I should’ve asked him what was going on. Because when Jey didn’t call me that night like he said he would, I knew—things were worse than we all realized.

---

The phone rang, cutting through the silence of the apartment. I grabbed it quickly, hoping it was Jey, but my stomach dropped when I saw Damian's number on the screen instead. Something told me this wasn’t just a casual call like last time. I hesitated for a second before answering.

"Hello?"

"You need to cancel the party, Nye," Damian said, getting straight to the point.

I frowned, sitting up straighter. "What? Why?"

"Too much attention," he explained. "No matter what Jey tells you, this party don’t need to happen. Things are getting too hot right now, and the last thing anybody needs is a big-ass event putting a target on our back especially when we’re all together.”

I exhaled, rubbing my forehead. "Damian, you know that’s not my decision. Jey’s already set everything up. He paid for everything. He’s gonna do whatever the hell he wants."

"Then you need to convince him, mami." Damian said firmly.

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. "Tell me why you feel this way. What exactly do you think is gonna happen?"

There was a long pause before he finally answered. "I don’t know," he admitted. "But I got a bad feeling, and Jey ain’t listening to nobody right now. He thinks he’s untouchable."

I swallowed, my throat tight. "I’ll try… but you know how he is."

"Just do your best, muñeca (doll)," Damian said before hanging up.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the phone for a moment before tossing it back onto the receiver.

I was alone again. Michael was off somewhere with his friends, and my mama was spending the night with Reggie. The apartment felt too quiet, too empty, and it made my thoughts even louder.

I left my room, feeling like walls were closing on me after awhile. Eventually after flipping through channels on the tv in the living room, I leaned back against the couch, closing my eyes, but before I could fully relax, there was a knock at the door. My heart jumped as I stood up, my mind already knowing who it was before I even checked.

Jey stood on the other side of the door. I wasn’t surprised, but I also wasn’t expecting him. He hadn’t called since he dropped me off the other day. His face was neutral, his posture relaxed, but I knew better. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Still, I stepped aside and let him in.

He walked past me, his presence immediately filling the space like he owned it. He smelled like cologne and a tinge of alcohol, a scent I’d come to associate with him. He sat on the couch, stretching his arms over the back of it like he belonged there, like nothing had changed between us. I studied him carefully. He looked calm, but there was a tightness in his jaw, a stiffness in his movements. He was hiding something.

I sat next to him, waiting. If he wanted to tell me, he would. The TV played in the background, filling the silence between us. Jey’s hand found my thigh, his thumb tracing slow circles against my skin. Normally, it would’ve made me relax, but tonight, it only made me more aware of the tension in the air.

After a few minutes, I finally spoke. "What’s wrong?"

Jey didn’t even hesitate. "Nothing, baby. Nothing, I can’t handle."

I scoffed. A lie. Shit was bad and probably getting worse by the minute. I wanted to press him, but I also knew that with Jey, timing was everything. If I pushed too hard, he’d shut down completely. So, I tried a different approach.

"The party," I said casually. "You excited?"

Jey’s lips twitched into a smirk. "Hell yeah. I think I did a good job."

I forced a small smile, nodding like I believed him. But I didn’t. Not really. His excitement didn’t feel real. Something was weighing on him, something he was refusing to say aloud or admit. I should’ve kept going. Should’ve r him of Damian’s warning, should’ve tried harder to convince him to call it off. But then Jey pulled me into his lap, his lips grazing my neck, his hands firm and demanding as they traveled my body.

I knew what this was. A distraction. He always did this. And I let him have it. I could admit that I missed his touch as it had the ability to take me beyond the stars.

I melted into him. Jey always knew how to make me forget. Forget my doubts, forget my worries, forget everything except him. Lust took over, and before I could stop myself, we were in my room, tangled in sheets, in each other. By the time Jey was getting dressed, his phone rang. He grabbed it from his pocket, glancing at the screen before looking back at me.

"You coming Saturday, right?"

I was still caught up in the wild session we just had, still floating somewhere between reality and whatever spell he had cast over me. I nodded without thinking.

"Yeah."

Jey smirked, stepping toward me and pressing a slow, deep kiss to my lips. "I’ll pick you up at nine."

I watched as he walked out, phone to his ear, voice low as he disappeared into the night. The moment the door shut. Damian’s warning came flooding back. I had completely forgotten about it. And now, I just prayed nothing went wrong.

---

September 4th 1998

My Friday was spent at the nail salon with Kiyah and Natasha. The smell of acrylic and fresh polish filled the air as the three of us sat side by side, picking out colors for our nails and toes. Nataya was off somewhere looking at houses with Jimmy, leaving Natasha in a quiet, contemplative mood. The buzzing of the electric nail file hummed in the background as I glanced over at her, remembering the look she gave Taya and Jimmy at the bowling alley.

I turned toward her, voice soft but direct. “How do you feel about Taya moving in with Jimmy?”

Natasha sighed, watching as the nail tech shaped her almond-shaped tips. “I’m not happy about it,” she admitted. “I just don’t believe Jimmy is as good to Taya as she says he is. I think he’s pressuring her into moving, keeping the baby, and basically altering her whole life for him.”

I nodded, understanding her frustration. She had always been protective over Nataya, and now that her sister was wrapped up with Jimmy, it made sense that Natasha would be wary.

“I love my sister,” she continued, “but I have to let her make her own mistakes.”

Kiyah scoffed, shaking her head. “Girl, I don’t blame you. But you know how Taya is. Once her mind is made up, it’s made up.”

Natasha sighed again, running a hand over her face before her expression softened. “At least I know Sami’s one of the good ones. Like I get what he do for money but outside of that he just a good guy.”

Kiyah grinned, leaning forward in her chair with a teasing smirk. “I’m shocked you into white meat.”

We all burst into laughter, Natasha rolling her eyes but unable to hide her grin. “Trust me, I’m surprised too,” she admitted. “But I really do like him.”

Kiyah wiggled her brows. “Uh-huh. You sure it ain’t just a phase? ‘Cause I seen the way he looks at you, and that ain’t no casual thing.”

Natasha tried to play it cool, but I could tell by the slight blush on her cheeks that she was starting to fall for Sami more than she let on.

After a few more minutes of teasing, Kiyah turned her attention to me. “So… what’s up with all those big ass passion marks on your neck?” she asked, smirking as she tilted her head toward me.

I pretended to be shy, lowering my gaze with a little smile. “Me and Jey are in a good place right now,” I admitted. “Not saying we back together. Just saying that I’m enjoying his company it while it lasts.”

Kiyah and Natasha exchanged a knowing look before Natasha shook her head. “Girl, please. That’s your man. You ain’t going nowhere. And he not letting you go nowhere.”

I sighed dramatically, holding up my freshly polished nails as if they were the most important thing in the world. “I swear, the moment he acts up, I’m out.”

Kiyah snorted. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see about that.”

---

Once we left the nail salon, I headed back home, feeling light from the girl talk but also exhausted from the past few days. The house was quiet when I walked in, the scent of fresh laundry filling the air. My mama was curled up on the couch, flipping through channels, but when she saw me, she patted the spot next to her.

Without hesitation, I slid in beside her, resting my head against her shoulder as she clicked on a movie. A Time to Kill played on the screen, the familiar voices of Samuel L. Jackson and Matthew McConaughey filling the room. We watched in comfortable silence, eating popcorn and occasionally commenting on the movie.

I loved nights like this. Nights where I could just exist, where I didn’t have to think too hard about anything. Where I felt safe.

My mother glanced at me with warmth in her eyes. She reached out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear before speaking. “I used to want you to stay my little girl forever,” she murmured. “So, I could keep you with me, always. But I see now that no matter how old you get, we’ll always be close.”

Her words made my chest tighten with emotion. I turned to her, gripping her hand in mine. “We will, Mama. I promise.”

She smiled, squeezing my hand before leaning back against the couch. The weight of the moment settled over us, filling the space with a quiet kind of love. And just like that, we fell asleep together, fingers intertwined, the movie still playing softly in the background.

---

September 5th 1998

Saturday arrived with rain coming down in heavy sheets, drumming against the windowpane. I sat up in bed, watching the storm through the glass, wondering if it was some sort of sign. Good or bad, I wasn’t sure. The dark gray sky made the morning drag, stretching time like a slow-moving tide.

Michael came strolling out of his room and peeked into mine, arms crossed as he leaned against the doorframe. “So… you think me and my boys can slide to the party tonight?”

I gave him a sharp look, not even entertaining the idea. “You know damn well y’all can’t come.”

He rolled his eyes, exhaling dramatically. “Man, that’s some bullshit. If we can’t come, then you and your little broke friends shouldn’t be able to go either.”

My eyes widened before I jumped up, shoving him out of my room. “Boy, get the hell on with that! Broke where?” I called after him as he laughed, dodging into his room before I could throw something at him. He always knew how to get under my skin.

The morning passed agonizingly slow. I busied myself around the house, doing small tasks to keep my mind occupied. Anything to make time move faster. By the time the early evening rolled around, Kiyah and Natasha arrived, bringing their usual energy and chaos.

“Taya ain’t coming?” I asked as Natasha set down her purse.

She shook her head. “Nah, she’s been feeling off all day. I told her to rest and meet us there later.”

I nodded, understanding. Things had been weird between them since Jimmy came into the picture. Natasha got to work on my hair, carefully styling it into a sleek updo, while Kiyah sat beside me, drinking one of the wine coolers she smuggled from her house. “I’m tryna get a lil’ tipsy before we leave,” she admitted, taking another sip.

“Same,” Natasha added, popping her gum.

As Natasha finished up my hair, she moved on to Kiyah’s while I started on my makeup. Kiyah added the finishing touch, carefully placing small adhesive gems around my eyes to enhance the look. The three of us danced to the music playing from my stereo, singing along, laughing, and letting the wine coolers warm our veins. Slowly but surely, excitement began to creep into my chest.

When the time finally came, Kiyah and Natasha helped me into my dress. The fabric hugged my body in all the right places, the shimmer of the gems catching the light beautifully. I turned toward the mirror, momentarily stunned.

I looked like a princess. I ran my hands down the gown, taking in the way it fit, the way my makeup and hair pulled the entire look together. My heart swelled.

“Bitch, you look good,” Kiyah hyped me up, adjusting the straps on my dress.

“Grown as hell,” Natasha added, smirking.

I held back the sudden swell of emotion, refusing to ruin Kiyah’s hard work. “Y’all gon’ make me cry,” I admitted, fanning my face.

“Don’t start, ‘cause if you cry, I’ma cry,” Kiyah warned, and we all laughed.

---

By 9, we were stepping out of the apartment, heels clicking against the pavement. A limo sat at the curb, its sleek black frame glistening under the streetlights.

We all froze.

“No fucking way,” Natasha whispered.

Kiyah’s mouth dropped. “Bitch.”

The driver stepped forward, opening the door, and out stepped Jey, Jacob, and Sami, all dressed to impress. Jey smirked, dressed in a crisp suit, his chain catching the light. Jacob adjusted his watch, while Sami shoved his hands into his pockets, his usual cool demeanor faltering slightly.

I nearly squealed. I hadn’t even ridden in a limo for prom. Kiyah, Natasha, and I ran straight to our dates, grins stretching across our faces. I wrapped my arms around Jey’s neck, pressing a kiss to his lips. Kiyah threw her arms around Jacob, and Natasha—without hesitation—grabbed Sami by the collar and kissed him, shocking everyone, including Sami himself.

The group erupted into laughter and cheers, teasing the two of them as Natasha shrugged it off like it was nothing. Inside the limo, we kept the energy going. Music blasted from the speakers as we danced and sang along, the excitement thick in the air.

I leaned into Jey’s side, whispering, “Thank you.”

He looked down at me, brushing a loose curl from my face. “You deserve nothing but the best, baby.”

And for the first time in a long time, I believed him.

---

The limo pulled up to the front of the nightclub, and even before we stepped out, I could feel the energy buzzing through the air. The bass from the music inside vibrated through the pavement, the muffled voices of the crowd merging with the beat. Excitement stirred in my belly, but so did something else—something I couldn’t quite name.

Jey stepped out first, fixing his suit before extending his hand to me. I took it, and the second my heels hit the pavement, the doors to the club swung open. A rush of warmth and flashing lights washed over me as the crowd inside erupted in cheers.

A smile stretched across my face so wide that my cheeks ached. Inside, the entire nightclub was decorated in deep shades of red, black, and gold. Prada Boi colors. Balloons lined the ceiling, the tables were draped in silk cloths, and trays of food were set against the walls. Bodies filled the space, moving in rhythm to the beat the DJ was spinning.

This was my night. The night I imagined when I first started talking to Jey. It had arrived and I was going to enjoy it fully.

As we walked through the crowd, the love was instant. People showered me with compliments, hugs, and laughter. Bronson’s wife pulled me into a hug, whispering how beautiful I looked. Nataya nearly crushed my ribs with how tight she held me.

“You look like a damn queen, bitch,” she squealed.

I giggled, feeling warmth spread through me. “You tryna kill me before I even get to enjoy the night?”

She finally let me go, grinning. “Maybe.”

I made my rounds, speaking to everyone, soaking in the attention and love. Every time I glanced over my shoulder, Jey was watching me. But he wasn’t hovering, wasn’t clinging to me like he usually would. He stood back, letting me shine. Maybe he really was trying to change.

The night unfolded beautifully. Laughter, dancing, drinking, eating— I was having the time of my life. I felt weightless, free. At some point, I pulled Jey away from the crowd, wrapping my arms around his neck, placing my forehead against his. His hands slid to my waist, his grip firm but gentle.

"Again, thank you," I whispered, my voice barely heard over the music.

Jey’s eyes softened as he looked at me, his thumb rubbing slow circles on my hip. “You don’t gotta thank me, baby. I love you.”

His words sent warmth all through my body, but before I could respond, someone called his name from across the room. Jey sighed, kissing my forehead before pulling away. “I’ll be right back, a’ight?”

I nodded, watching as he disappeared into the crowd.

I found Kiyah and Natasha on the dance floor just as Biggie’s "Hypnotize" blasted through the speakers.

"Biggie, Biggie, Biggie, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me..."

The three of us belted out the lyrics, moving in sync with each other, hands in the air, hips swaying. The whole club was alive, the energy electric. Tonight felt good. I caught a glimpse of Damian sliding into the club, Dulce tucked under his arm. If Damian was here—with Dulce no less—then maybe the threats had passed. Maybe things really were cooling down.

I exhaled, letting my shoulders relax. As the night deepened, I found myself curled up in Jey’s lap, a plate of food in my hands as I listened to him, Jimmy, Tonga, and Solo trade stories. The four of them laughed loudly, their voices full of ease.

No one seemed tense.

No one seemed on edge.

For the first time in a long time, things felt normal. It felt like nothing could go wrong.

---

The bass from the speakers thumped through my chest as I swayed to the music, a half-empty glass in my hand. I had a buzz, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the emotions swirling inside me. My heels had been abandoned under the table, my feet sore from dancing. I sat in one of the plush bar chairs by myself, watching the scene unfold around me.

Kiyah and Jacob were in the middle of the dance floor, moving in sync like they had been doing this for years. Natasha was wrapped up in Sami, her hands resting against his chest as she whispered something in his ear that made him grin. Nataya and Jimmy dance in corner, his face buried in neck.

I should have been out there with them. I should have been soaking up every moment of this party that Jey had put together just for me. But instead, I was sitting here, lost in my own head. Having the Prada Bois as family could be fun. They were wild, unpredictable, and full of love in their own way. They looked out for each other. Protected what was theirs. I had grown to love them; despite all the things I knew about them. Despite knowing what they were capable of. Despite knowing what Jey was capable of.

Before I could spiral any further, I felt a familiar warmth slide over me, a solid presence pressing against my back as Jey settled into the chair, pulling me onto his lap. I melted into his embrace, letting him hold me like he always did.

“You enjoyin’ yourself, baby?” His voice was low, thick with something I couldn’t quite place.

I nodded, a small smile tugging at my lips. “Yeah... I’m having the time of my life.”

Jey leaned in, pressing a kiss against my bare shoulder, his lips lingering. “Good. ‘Cause I don’t wanna live this life without you. I wanna create more memories like this with you… only you.”

His words sent a chill through me, and I tilted my head back to meet his gaze. His brown eyes were soft, too soft, like he was seeing me for the first time.

“You make me better,” he continued, his fingers tracing circles against my thigh. “I ain’t never done nothin’ like this for no other woman. Only one I ever really did for was my mama... until you.”

Something in my chest tightened, my throat threatening to close. Jey made me feel special. Like I was everything. Like I was the one thing he needed in this world.

I kissed him. The kiss never deepened. It never got the chance.

A loud crash echoed from outside the club, glass shattering, followed by the sharp rise of angry voices. The energy in the room shifted instantly. The bass of the music still pulsed through the speakers, but the tension in the air became thick enough to choke on.

Jey stiffened against me, his head turning toward the entrance. My stomach dropped as I saw the Prada Bois move in unison, heading toward the source of the commotion. Jey's grip on my waist tightened for a split second before he turned to me. His eyes were hard, voice sharp.

“Stay inside.”

I barely had time to react before he let me go and disappeared into the crowd pressing toward the doors. The uneasy feeling in my gut twisted as I watched them go. My feet felt frozen in place, my body telling me to listen, but my mind already screaming no. The doors flew open before the Prada Bois could even reach them. Several men stormed inside, their presence turning the already tense atmosphere into something dangerous.

The air shifted again. This time, it was electric. The music still played, but it might as well have been silent. Everything slowed for a split second before it all imploded.

Yelling.

Shoving.

A punch thrown, then another.

A full-on brawl broke out in seconds before my eyes.

My breath hitched as fists flew, bodies shoved each other, people knocked over tables, and glass shattered against the floor. I scanned the chaos, desperate to find Jey. My heart pounded when I finally spotted him locked in a struggle with a man I knew I had seen before, but my mind refused to place him.

I called Jey’s name. Once. Twice. My voice was swallowed by the chaos. I needed to get closer. I pushed forward, dodging people running in every direction. Every time I thought I had a clear path, I got shoved back, my frustration growing with each failed attempt. My pulse pounded in my ears as I lost sight of Jey again.

I turned quickly, spotting Kiyah, Nataya, and Natasha in the far corner. Relief flooded me, my instinct telling me to get to them, to get safe. I didn’t even get the chance to take the first step.

The first gunshot rang out.

Then another.

And another.

Panic erupted like a bomb going off in the middle of the room. Screams tore through the air as people scrambled, running in all directions. The music cut off, but my ears still rang from the shots.

I turned to run.

A sharp, searing pain shot through my arm. It felt like fire had been injected into my bloodstream, burning through me so fast that my body barely had time to register what had happened before—

Another shot.

My side exploded in white-hot agony. The force knocked the air from my lungs, my knees buckling beneath me.

I fell.

The floor felt so far away.

I could hear screams, glass breaking, the heavy thud of bodies crashing into tables, but everything was starting to sound distant. My vision blurred, the edges darkening as I tried to make sense of what was happening.

Shapes moved around me, voices rising, but my body wouldn’t respond.

Through the chaos, I heard one voice.

Frantic. Desperate. Calling my name.

It was Jey’s.

I tried to hold onto that voice, tried to focus, to respond, to move, but my limbs were heavy, my eyelids even heavier.

Someone was crying. Sirens wailed in the distance.

I needed to hold on. I had to.

But I was slipping.

Everything started to fade.

And then—

Darkness.

---

Epilogue

The night was a blur of flashing red and blue lights, sirens screaming through the air, and the sharp scent of gunpowder clinging to the pavement outside the club. The scene was chaos—people crying, bodies scattered, and the Prada Bois standing in tense clusters, their clothes stained with blood, their eyes flickering with something between rage and grief.

Jey was on his knees in the middle of it all, his hands coated in her blood.

He rocked slightly, his grip tightening around Nyeya’s limp body as he pressed his forehead against hers. His breath was ragged, his chest heaving with each uneven inhale, but his voice was clear—desperate, commanding.

“Stay with me, baby. You hear me? Stay with me.”

Her head lolled slightly, her skin look lifeless under the flashing red lights. Jey shook her gently, his grip firm but careful, as if he could anchor her here with him.

Damian was beside him, his face unreadable but his hands steady as they helped apply pressure to the wound in her side. His jaw was clenched tight, his usual detachment gone.

“She’s losing too much blood,” he muttered. His voice was sharp, urgent, the kind of voice that didn’t deal in hope, only facts.

Jey barely heard him. His eyes never left her.

“Nyeya, you hold on. You ain’t done. You ain’t done, you hear me?” His voice cracked, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t above begging. Not for her.

Somewhere behind them, Kiyah was sobbing, held back by Jacob as she tried to push forward. Natasha and Nataya were both crying, their hands clasped together, whispering prayers between broken sobs.

The paramedics arrived, pushing Jey aside despite his resistance. He fought against the hands pulling him away, his body lunging forward, but Damian gripped the back of his shirt and yanked him back.

“Let them work, bro.”

Jey’s heart hammered against his ribcage as he watched them lift Nyeya onto a stretcher, voices barking out orders, someone checking her pulse, someone pressing a mask to her face.

When they moved to close the doors, Jey snapped out of his daze.

“I’m ridin’ with her,” he announced.

The paramedic hesitated for only a second before nodding. “Get in.”

Jey climbed into the ambulance without a second thought, sitting beside her, his fingers gripping the edge of the gurney like he could hold her here.

The ambulance doors slammed shut, and the sirens wailed as they sped off.

Behind them, the others didn’t wait.

Jimmy and Damian jumped into their cars, peeling off in pursuit. Kiyah, Natasha, and Nataya piled into Jacob’s car. Sami followed close behind.

No one spoke.

The only sound was the hum of engines pushing toward the unknown.

Toward whatever fate waited for Nyeya.

Jey didn’t pray. He never had.

But tonight, in that ambulance, as he clutched Nyeya’s cold fingers and watched the heart monitor beep too slowly for his liking—he prayed.

And he wasn’t sure if anyone was listening.

The city blurred past in streaks of neon and darkness, and all Jey could do was hold on.

To her.

To hope.

And to the fear that, for the first time in his life, he might be powerless to stop what was coming.

-----

AN: This is the end, bebe's. Whew... I'm trying not to cry! This book has been so fun to write and it's the first story I've completed... ever. When I started this book I always knew the ending would end like this. But what I didn't know was how in love I would fall with these characters. This may not be the end. I'm debating on it. I think these characters have so much left to do and learn. What you think?

And to the readers who been reading, liking, reblogging, and commenting, I APPRECIATE YOU! Thank you so much. All the love truly gave me the motivation to keep writing. I love you ꨄ

-----

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[catscidr]

// so, if the harbingers are ranked by strength... //

i. note — omg heyyyy guysss tucks hair behind ear. haven't seen this format in a while huh :3 wonder why that is :3 oopsieee :3 i would apologize for not posting anything of substance but i do that every time i post something anyways so i won't do it this time. enjoy my brainworms ii. includes — dottore x gn!reader iii. cw — crack, slightly suggestive at times, established relationship, lowercase is intended. catscidr being unserious as per usual. not proofread im thinking with my dick iv. wc — 1,2k -> ao3 link!

from the very beginning of your relationship with him, you perceived dottore as knew dottore was way more of a recluse than the average man. 

(not that he can even be compared to the average man anyways, but... regardless.) 

your perception of him has always been of a wise, intelligent man (you would describe him as nerdy to get under his skin). you have an easy time picturing him hunched over an ornate desk while jotting down lab reports, or even imagining him elbow-deep into a carcass to study its organs—all things you doubt an extroverted, energetic person would willingly put themselves through day after day. 

which is why you never batted an eye when you would wake up to a cold bed in the morning. you didn’t question him when he would tell you that he just has to get to work early, because you already had an inkling that you knew why he decided to leave the comfort of your shared bed at such ungodly hours. 

going to his lab before dawn breaks would allow him to be alone and to enjoy some peace and quiet before his underlings and segments turn the comfortable silence in his office to a muffled cacophony of arguments. surely, being as driven as he is, he would sacrifice a few hours of sleep (and comfort beside you) to further the myriad of projects he has to keep on the backburner. 

the walk to his office is quiet; save for the occasional chill passing through the halls, you find a sense of comfort in being within your beloved’s personal quarters—as if you’re enveloped in a big, warm hug by yours truly. you’ve visited his laboratory enough times to know your way around, so instead of feeling like a lost deer faced by bright headlights, you stroll on through the familiar halls with a pep in your step. 

the lack of personnel makes your already short trek even shorter, seeing as you don’t have to halt for small talk, and you’re promptly met by sight of the large, ornate oak door separating dottore’s office to his lab. 

you forego knocking—you’re supposed to catch him hard at work, come up from behind and engulf him in a loving hug and pepper him with kisses—knocking would reveal the surprise! 

and so, you carefully hold onto the flat doorknob, turning it until it’s vertical, and step into his office. 

you’ve always pictured him as the nerdy loser-esque type outside of that intimidating harbinger facade—what you never in a million years would have imagined was the sight of il dottore himself on a Stairmaster machine, a stapled document in hand, while practically sweating the entirety of his water weight away. 

naturally, you’ve seen him bare before; though all previous moments of intimacy had been limited to the two of you either beneath your bedsheets and/or your bodies being just barely visible due to the lack of sunlight shining through your bedroom window. he wasn’t one to show off his body, and you never questioned that boundary. 

but, while you stood there in shock unable to think of anything, a little voice in your head was appalled that he had the gall to hide this from you especially after you’ve inquired about the meaning behind his and his coworkers’ rankings before. 

(“hey 'ttoreeeee,” you drawl, stirring the small decorative spoon in your coffee. a quiet, drawn-out sigh graces your ears before his voice does, “what?” 

“how are you second?” you ask somewhat vaguely, choosing to take a bite out of your muffin before elaborating further. “i mean, you’re a pretty normal guy compared to the other high-ranking harbingers. capitano looks like he came straight from the medieval times, and columbina looks like a fucked-up interpretation of a seraphim that came to life.” 

a scoff—one of amusement you’re sure—breaches his lips. “i left all of my unique features to my segments,” he hums. dottore leisurely sips his drink, a twinkle of humor lighting up his scarlet irises. “but either way, it would be quite shallow of the tsaritsa if she appointed our ranks based on physical appearance. we’re all ranked by strength, essentially.” 

you hum, thrown deep in thought. capitano makes sense since he’s built like a brick wall, and columbina is an entire enigma in it of itself. since there’s no way they’re only based on influence and intellect, that means... 

“could you, hypothetically, drop down and do fifty push-ups without breaking a sweat?”  

the man sitting across from you laughs, the reaction filling you with anticipation. but much to your dismay, dottore didn’t take the opportunity to honor his ranking. instead, he just took another dip of his drink and answered with a casual; 

“perhaps.”) 

and by the tsaritsa he could have given you fifty and then some. 

though you knew your way around, you had never truly explored his personal office. he had shown you the main laboratory area where a plethora of ruin guard parts threaten to trip you over at all times, a handful of dissection rooms, and his segments’ working quarters. they were the most popular parts of haeresys and you had no business waltzing around unsupervised anyways, so he didn’t think you would find much interest within his own personal gym. 

the room itself was huge; if you hadn’t known otherwise, you would have absolutely thought this was some sort of luxury fitness center. there’s only one of each machine (which makes sense given you highly doubt dottore would let anyone else in the gym with him), but that didn't make the place any less furnished. 

there’s your standard dumbbell and kettlebell rack alongside a bench with multiple heavy plates nearby, a treadmill, a lat pull down machine, a leg press machine and so much more. there’s even some stuff you’ve never even seen before— 

“what are you doing here?” 

his voice abruptly pulls you out of your state of shock, forcing you to look at him and oh my god you can see the outlines of his muscles through his shirt. 

you swallow before speaking, knowing your voice would crack; to no avail. “i, uh, i just. w-well...” you murmur sheepishly, brain absolutely fried from whatever this was. 

pausing his set and putting down whatever work-related document he was reading, dottore turns his full attention to you. “i’m a little busy over here, dear,” he sighs. “i only have...” ruby irises glance over at the wall, catching sight of the clock reading the time, “...an hour and fourteen minutes before i need to head to a meeting. are you going to spit it out or will i have to reboot your brain for you?” 

oh so now he’s sassing you. 

“well excuse ME, I’M not the one hiding an olympian physique from my partner!” you complain, feeling a mix of embarrassment, frustration and very strong attraction. yes, you had felt his body up before, but feeling and seeing are two completely different things...! 

“well, are you mad about it?” 

“...” 

you pick up your jaw before you start drooling and take the time to let your eyes roll over his body. his biceps were defined, forearms looked delicious, pecs looked squishy, quads looked utterly biteable... not only did he look good objectively, but seeing him in casual clothes—a simple tee shirt and loose pants—made you feel a certain type of way... 

“...can you drop down and give me a hundred push-ups and also say my name between each one?” 

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

Speaking my truth…

We as Byler shippers have got to stop acting like sexuality is something taboo. Not sexuality as in sexual orientation, sexuality as in sexuality. They’re teenage boys ffs they’re going through puberty like let’s be so fr rn 😭

If you’re personally uncomfortable with talking about topics like that THAT’S FINE! I’m not saying it’s for everyone! I’m just saying that this fandom behaves so weird when it comes to talk about sex and the like… I was very confused when I first joined the byler community because of this

For me the only reason it still feels a bit weird to talk or think about Byler and sex is because their relationship has been so rocky these past two seasons. They were at their peak in s2, and in s2 they were both like thirteen years old… S4 Byler did not have the kind of dynamic that I could imagine leading up to something sexual. They have had so much miscommunication for two seasons now, and until they’ve resolved allat they will not be able to take their friendship a step further.

S2 Byler was at its peak, but again, they were thirteen years old and if you’re thinking about two thirteen year olds in a sexual context then that is absolutely fucking weird if you ask me… so what we need is for them to solve things and be on better terms in s5, and for s2 Mike to make a comeback. Only then could I imagine them being able to get together and from there take it further in their own pace.

They’ll be sixteen years old in s5 guys. Nancy was, what? Fourteen? when losing her virginity on screen. I personally don’t particularly enjoy sex scenes, but it didn’t really make me uncomfortable either? Well, not more uncomfortable than the Duffer brothers intended it to be by letting Barb die while Nancy and Steve we’re going at it… it was intended to make people feel uncomfy, but the sex part of it all wasn’t what did it for me. (lol also I feared Steve was taking advantage of her and was gonna dump her and spread rumours abt her afterwards but I don’t know where that came from)

This post is not me trying to excuse myself for wanting Byler to have got graphic sex on screen you guys 😭😭😭 I don’t believe it’s going to happen and I don’t exactly wish for it to happen either, but I’m just very confuzzled by how much people seem to hate the thought of byler having sex?

Edit: I have been informed that Nancy was 16 in the sex scene and not 14.

[lanalosty0uu]

⋆.˚ chapter vii: every breath you take ᝰ.ᐟ

previously on: 🕰️ BACK TO THE FUTURE 🕰️

Dustin nodded. “Agreed. Let’s regroup at Family Video tomorrow. I’ll dig around for old newspaper records, maybe find something in the library. Robin, you can help me.”

“Oh, yay,” Robin deadpanned. “More dusty books and creepy government secrets.”

Steve ignored her, turning to you. “You okay?”

You hesitated before nodding. “Yeah. Just… processing.”

He didn’t believe you. But he didn’t push. “C’mon, I’ll drive you to Robin's.”

The four of them tried to lighten up the atmosphere in the car for a bit. As for you, you tried to joined as wel but failed. There's a thought that kept on lingering on yoru head... or at least an image that is stuck in your head. A flicker of movement. A shadow shifting in the broken windows of the factory

You knew you weren’t alone. And something told you that this wasn’t over yet. But for you and your new friend's own safety, you just stayed silent.

⋆.˚. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁༉‧₊˚.⊹₊ˎˊ˗

main masterlist!

pairing: steve harrington x fem! reader

⋆.˚. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁༉‧₊˚.⊹₊ˎˊ˗ ⋆.˚. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁༉‧₊˚.⊹₊ˎˊ˗ ⋆.˚. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁༉‧₊

The car ride back was filled with noise, but not the kind that put you at ease. Robin and Dustin were going back and forth in the backseat, their voices rising and falling in a rhythm so familiar that, on any other night, you might have laughed. But tonight, it was all just background noise—static against the thoughts racing through your mind. You barely registered the blur of streetlights streaking past outside, the low hum of the radio, or even the weight of Steve’s occasional glances in your direction. Because no matter how much you tried to push it down, your mind was still stuck on what you had seen at the factory.

That flicker of movement. That shifting shadow in the broken window. That feeling crawling up the back of your neck, cold and insistent, like someone had been watching you from just beyond the edges of the darkness. And the worst part? It wasn’t just fear. It was recognition. Something in you knew that whatever had been there, whatever had been watching, was far from done with you. You told yourself you should speak up, should tell the others what you saw, but every time you opened your mouth, the words caught in your throat. You didn’t know how to explain it. Didn’t know if you even wanted to. Because once you said it out loud, once you gave it a name, it would become real.

Steve’s voice broke through the haze, low and careful. “You’re awfully quiet,” he muttered, keeping his eyes on the road, though you could tell he was watching you from the corner of his vision. “Not like you.”

You blinked, forcing yourself to focus, to act normal. “Just thinking.”

“Dangerous habit.”

You huffed a laugh, but it came out weaker than you intended. “Wow. Thanks, Steve.”

“Hey, I’m just saying,” he shot back, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I’ve seen you overthink things so hard you practically short-circuit.”

“I do not short-circuit,” you argued, sitting up a little straighter.

Steve scoffed, but the teasing edge in his voice softened. “Alright, well… you got that ‘I-just-saw-a-ghost’ look on your face, so… wanna share with the class?”

You hesitated. You could tell him. You should tell him. But there was something about the way he was looking at you—really looking at you—that made you pause. Because if you said it, if you admitted to what you saw, you knew he’d take it seriously. He wouldn’t brush it off or call you paranoid. He’d believe you. And somehow, that made it worse. So instead, you shook your head. “It’s nothing. Just… the whole time travel, Upside Down, possibly-destroying-the-space-time-continuum thing. Y’know. No big deal.”

Steve let out a slow exhale, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. “Yeah, okay, well… I don’t buy that, but I’ll let it slide for now.”

You didn’t have the energy to argue.

When he finally pulled up outside Robin’s house, the atmosphere in the car had shifted just slightly. The conversation in the backseat had moved onto some ridiculous theory Dustin was cooking up, something about time loops and paradoxes, but you weren’t really listening. Your fingers absentmindedly traced the cool surface of the pocket watch in your lap, the weight of it grounding and unsettling all at once.

Robin shoved the car door open, stretching dramatically. “God, finally. I swear, if I have to hear another word about ‘wibbly-wobbly time stuff,’ I’m going to walk straight into the Upside Down myself.”

“I’m just saying,” Dustin insisted, gathering his stack of newspapers and notes, “there’s a chance that Y/N’s already been here before, and we just don’t remember because-”

“Nope. No. I refuse,” Robin said, already halfway to the front door.

You, however, were still staring out at the quiet street, a chill creeping down your spine. That feeling of being watched hadn’t gone away. It was still there, pressing in around the edges, like something just beyond your line of sight was waiting for you to slip up.

Steve noticed.

Before you could step out of the car, his hand caught your wrist, his fingers warm and solid against your skin. The contact sent a jolt through you—not from shock, not entirely, but from the way it lingered, like he wasn’t quite ready to let go. When you turned to look at him, his brows were furrowed, his expression unreadable in the dim light.

“Get some rest, alright?” His voice was quieter now, softer. “Tomorrow’s probably gonna be a lot.”

It was such a simple thing, but the way he said it, the way his hand hesitated before finally letting go, made something tighten in your chest.

You nodded. “Yeah. You too.”

Steve gave you a half-smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and then he was gone, headlights disappearing down the street. But even as you stepped inside Robin’s house, even as you lay awake staring at the ceiling, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted between you. You just weren’t sure what.

˗ˏˋ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⊹₊ ⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆.˚ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ˎˊ˗

Morning in Hawkins had that same slow, sleepy quality that made it easy to forget the kind of things that lurked beneath the surface. The sun was already high by the time you made your way to Family Video, casting long streaks of golden light across the parking lot. The air was warm but carried the lingering chill of the night before, like the shadows hadn’t quite burned away yet. As you stepped inside, the familiar scent of old VHS tapes and stale popcorn greeted you—something oddly comforting despite the tension simmering just beneath your skin.

Dustin was already there, hunched over the counter with newspapers and books spread out like some kind of war strategist planning his next move. His expression was one of intense focus, muttering to himself as he flipped through pages, occasionally scribbling down notes on a crumpled piece of paper. Robin, meanwhile, was perched on a stool beside him, head resting against her hand, lazily flipping through an old yearbook like she was only half-invested in whatever rabbit hole Dustin was currently diving into.

Steve, on the other hand, was doing what Steve did best—leaning against the counter, looking bored out of his mind. His arms were crossed over his chest, eyes flicking toward the front door every few minutes like he was searching for an excuse to escape. The second he saw you walk in, though, something shifted in his expression. It was subtle, the way his shoulders relaxed just a little, the way the corners of his mouth twitched up ever so slightly. Like he had been waiting for you.

“Finally,” he sighed, pushing himself upright. “Thought maybe you got lost in time again or something.”

You rolled your eyes, but there was no real bite to it. “Ha-ha. Hilarious.”

Robin perked up at your arrival, snapping the yearbook shut. “Oh, thank God. Maybe now Dustin will stop ranting about time loops for five seconds.”

“I was not ranting,” Dustin argued, not even looking up from his notes. “I was explaining—”

“You were monologuing,” Steve cut in, moving aside so you could get a look at the mess on the counter. “And I hate to break it to you, dude, but nobody here speaks fluent nerd.”

Dustin let out an exaggerated groan but still didn’t lift his head. “Fine. Whatever. Since some people don’t appreciate my genius, I’ll just get straight to the point.” He grabbed one of the newspapers, smacked it onto the counter, and jabbed at the headline with his finger. “Boom. There. That’s what we should be focusing on.”

The paper was old—yellowed at the edges, the ink slightly faded—but the headline was still readable. “Clockworks of Hawkins: A Town Legacy or a Hidden Mystery?” The article was dated 1960, which was already weird enough, but it was the accompanying photo that made your stomach tighten.

It was a black-and-white image of the factory. The same factory where you had activated the watch. The same factory where something—someone—had been watching you.

Your breath hitched as your eyes drifted lower, focusing on the reflection in one of the factory windows. It was barely there, just a smudge of distorted darkness, but you knew that shape. You had seen it the night before, flickering in the broken glass, lurking just beyond reach.

Steve must have noticed your reaction because, before you could even form words, his hand was on your shoulder. The warmth of it grounded you, steadying the sudden spike of panic rising in your chest. “Hey,” he murmured, voice low. “You good?”

You didn’t answer right away, still staring at the newspaper, at the eerie familiarity of that shadowy figure. “This… this is where it started,” you finally whispered, your voice quieter than you intended. “Whatever’s happening… whatever’s connected to the watch… it started here.”

Silence settled over the group, the weight of your words sinking in.

Robin was the first to break it. “Okay, so—crazy thought,” she said, gesturing wildly. “What if this whole thing isn’t just about time travel? What if the Upside Down is, like, bleeding into it somehow? Like, what if we’re not just dealing with a time machine, but an actual supernatural time bomb?”

Dustin snapped his fingers. “Exactly what I was saying earlier!”

Steve groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Great. So not only are we dealing with some messed-up time-travel paradox, but now we’ve got the Upside Down getting involved? Fantastic. Totally love that for us.”

Your fingers tightened around the pocket watch in your lap, the weight of it heavier than before. “If the Upside Down is involved,” you said slowly, “then that means whatever was watching us last night… it might not be human.”

That shut everyone up real quick.

Robin’s face twisted in discomfort. “Cool, cool, love that, definitely not terrifying at all.”

Dustin, however, seemed more fascinated than afraid. “Which means the watch isn’t just some regular artifact. It’s tied to all of this—Hawkins, the factory, the Upside Down. It’s a freaking key.”

“A key to what?” Steve asked, clearly exasperated.

Dustin hesitated. “That’s… what we have to figure out.”

The room fell into another heavy silence, and for a moment, all you could hear was the distant hum of the store’s old air conditioning unit. It was unsettling, the realization that this wasn’t just about you being trapped in the past anymore. It was bigger than that. Bigger than all of you.

Steve sighed and pushed away from the counter. “Alright, fine. Guess that means we’re going back to the creepy-ass factory, huh?”

Robin threw her hands up. “Of course we are.”

You exhaled slowly, trying to ignore the way your pulse had quickened.

This was just the beginning. And something told you that once you stepped back into that factory, there would be no turning back.

note: hey my lovelies! it's been like 2 WHOLE WEEKS since i last updated and i am TERRIBLY, AWFULLY SORRY for that... i've been super busy at school, i haven't even opened tumblr for the last 2 weeks... but here you go, another chapter! i'm currently writing the next chapter as well and i will probably publish it today or tomorrow!

hope y'all like it <3

taglist: taglist: @xprloki @pupwrites @gorlillaglue25 @lovestrucklyuniverse @keerysfolklore @www-interludeshadow-com @pleasantsoulcolor @mochminnie @steviespookie @damon-loves-pie @imjustdreamingig @starkleila @2602moon @negomi123 @currentresidentinhell @ucannotcompare @lilgreensunshine @talkativecarnation @bllshtbel

[fangsofdestruction]

Ken wasn’t an immediate suspicious character, but he may still be a character of interest to pay attention to. “Don’t forget, in this company is a mix of humans and non-human workers. Someone has infiltrated this place, an exorcist who intends to kill the non-humans,” there was a reason why Popo specifically chose to remind Mukuro of this fact. Interesting how Ken, as average as he was, was so well-liked across the board within the company full of humans and non-humans masquerading themselves as human. What reason was there for him to be so popular? “It’d be a good idea to start keeping a mental tab of who you think is a human and who isn’t.”

Though the topic of finding a diary or a journal, that was a very good idea, and Popo’s tail wiggles in delight, “Good idea. That should give you a hint. Tracking down any of her habits should give you some clues. If you want, I can go ahead and find a diary and set it aside for you.” It wasn’t something it would be disallowed to do, because Mukuro would be able to find the diary on her own later anyways. Expediting the process wasn’t an issue. Popo could easily return before the work day was over, so when Mukuro finally got off work, she can look through the diary without wasting her time in searching for it.

“At the end of the working day, or if an issue arises where your attention is needed, you may be prompted to make a choice, like deciding to overtime or choosing to help someone with their work. It’s up to your best judgement to decide. The results of your choice aren’t always immediate, but they do amount to something,” Popo explains. How easy would it be if your choice had immediate effects? Then you’d know to take every question seriously. Hard mode of course couldn’t make it too easy, so it threw in miscellaneous prompts as well, where nothing will proc unless you manage to trigger a set number of instances.

Mukuro frowned at that, damn, she thought。 She wasn't too surprised, truth be told she kind of expected it in a way given that the difficulty of the game she had been whisked away into was。  Mukuro also wasn't sure if the original host would record her calls, seeing as that wasn't something a normal person would do, but she'd still take a look just in case。 It's better to be safe than sorry, after all。

As she searched through the backlog of emails and messages, Mukuro could feel the frown on her face deepen。 Nothing really seemed out of place in the texts or emails, even the call logs didn't raise any flags for her。 She was about to let out a sigh and stop searching through the messages when Popo flew behind her head and gave her a word of advice。

With that nudge, Mukuro would go through the messages again, and this time with a more careful eye。 It became aware to her that after the news of the host character's mother passing answers to messages were shorter and more curt than how they read prior it was easy to assume that the change in responses was due to grief。 Maybe having played or some prior knowledge of this game could have helped Mukuro out more here, but going off what she's being given made it a bit more challenging and a bit more fun。

So Mukuro would note when the sudden change in texting tone happened and cross-check that with maybe a diary or journal that the host character wrote in daily or weekly? 

When Popo returned, Mukuro waited for him to give her what he had found before divulging what she had found out。 Mukuro gave a few small nods as Popo reported to her, maybe Mukuro was a bit bummed that something she had thought could be something of a lead turned out to not be something but。。。 that also meant that Ken wasn't a suspicious character。

「Hmn, alright, good to know then。 As for what I found, it seems that after being given the news of her mother's passing, the texting tone of the host changed from being polite to being a bit more short and blunt。 It could be due to having lost a loved one but。。。 I think I'm going to keep in mind the date and see if the host keeps a diary or journal somewhere and maybe looking through that would help paint a clearer picture。」

[sleepysupernovax]

Link Click Theory Time!

Alright, I’ve been thinking about the ending of the Bridon Arc for a while, so it’s theory time. Let’s go over what we saw and, more importantly, what we didn’t see. I have multiple different theories, but here is perhaps one of the more far-fetched ones that I don’t think I’ve seen voiced yet.

For this theory, I want to focus on Liu Xiao, Xia Fei, and Vein, and then tie everything back to the first two seasons. We know that Liu Xiao is the hidden mastermind of everything that happens, given his PV and title as Manipulator. We don’t actually see a lot of him in the Bridon Arc, which is to be expected. We’re led to believe that Vein is and will be the main antagonist, the one who kills Cheng Xiaoshi, and that perfectly fits the hidden mastermind theme. We’re not shown anything that directly antagonizes Liu Xiao, and we’re only given small signs that he’s working against the other two: having Xia Fei track them, gaining information about Cheng Xiaoshi’s dad, stealing the note left in the book by said dad, etc. Much smaller things in comparison to Vein shooting at the two. But it’s important to note that Vein will likely be manipulated and used by Liu Xiao the same way Xia Fei is.

Everything that happened at the end of Bridon Arc was in Liu Xiao’s favor, particularly Vein’s faked death. We know that Lu Guang took control of Wang Qing (how he gained the power to do so is an entirely different problem, for it’s not the ability he got from Cheng Xiaoshi; we do at least know that powers are inherited either through blood or death, so it’s very possible it came from a parent, especially since Lu Guang hints at having learned about abilities from someone else. It’s also important to note the difference in eye appearance from when he usually uses his powers.) and used her ability to fake Vein’s death. (Wang Qing can fake a death if she knows someone’s full name, hence why she called out Vein’s real name. Also a smaller detail, but I think it’s safe to say that Lu Guang wasn’t able to possess her sooner because he had to wait for Cheng Xiaoshi’s mom to stop possessing her.) Some people argue that he intended to kill Vein, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. We know he’s done this all before, so it’s very likely he’d know exactly what her ability is. Not to mention that when he talks to Vein beforehand, he states that he knows he can’t stop Vein, but he can at least delay him. He knew he couldn’t kill Vein, but he could do something drastic—like temporarily kill him—to set him back. And that exact setback is what’s going to work against Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi.

Vein has been pronounced dead, which means he’s now an unknown player. There’s a certain level of freedom that comes with faking one’s death, and Liu Xiao is going to use that. In the post-credit scene, when we find out that Vein is alive, we see a hand open the bag. And that hand is Liu Xiao’s. We can tell from the rings. Liu Xiao knew exactly what happened, knew that Vein was still alive, and got ahold of his body bag to be there right when he woke up. It’s possible it has to do with his ability, and he heard Vein’s heart beating from inside the bag. Or it’s possible that Vein didn’t have a pulse at all until the moment the bag opened, and Liu Xiao simply knew ahead of time that he hadn’t really died. Either way, he now has ahold of a cannibalistic mafia boss who’s been pronounced dead and can get around unmonitored. Vein also now likely knows about abilities—assuming he didn’t before—and knows that Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi are his enemies. And in the small chance he didn’t realize that, I’m sure Liu Xiao will tell him. We also know that Vein has a weakness Liu Xiao is fully aware of—a person Vein would drop everything for and show up to defend, a person he has saved countless times, the only person who truly seems to have a close bond with him.

Xia Fei might be the most overlooked piece of this puzzle. He’s not antagonized in the Bridon Arc—quite the opposite. He becomes friends with Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi and ends up wanting to help them out. He even quits his arrangement with Liu Xiao because he feels bad about tracking them. Cheng Xiaoshi trusts him completely, and while Lu Guang doesn’t seem pleased around him, there isn’t the same murderous intent or anxiety that we see around Liu Xiao and Vein. He’s caring, lovable, and generally not seen as a threat, which is exactly why he’s the perfect person for Liu Xiao to use. Yes, he quit his arrangement with Liu Xiao, but I doubt that’ll last long. At the end of the last episode, we see that he’s gone missing along with Jack, a model who leaked internal information and got fired as a result (also notably the model shown trying to drown Xia Fei). This happens after he learns that Vein has been killed. Xia Fei already has plenty of reasons to want Jack gone, even dead, and now he’s lost the only person in his life that appears to be close to him. It’s not a stretch to say that he killed Jack and went into hiding after. We don’t have enough clues to say why with certainty, but there are a few obvious possibilities: maybe Vein’s death pushed him over the edge and drove him to do what he’d wanted to for a while, maybe he needed to shut Jack up since Jack had information that could hurt Xia Fei and Vein, maybe he suspected that Jack had something to do with Vein’s death, or maybe Jack attacked him again and it was self-defense. Regardless, we know that the two are missing and Xia Fei is probably on the run or in hiding. We also know that Xia Fei will stop at nothing to find Vein’s killer.

His exchange with Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang at the end gave us several important details:

1. Xia Fei believes that Vein is dead.

2. Xia Fei already suspects that supernatural powers are at play.

3. Xia Fei plans to hunt down Vein’s killer, which was ultimately Lu Guang.

4. Xia Fei knows about Cheng Xiaoshi’s father and warns him to quit before things get too dangerous. In other words, he generally knows where the two might be going and looking in the future, and he knows what they might find.

5. Xia Fei is staying in contact with the two, hence “let me know when you land.”

6. Xia Fei now knows exactly where the two live, thanks to Cheng Xiaoshi.

The first point is perhaps the most important, and it plays a role in most of the others—or it will, in the future (past? Future of the past? You know what I mean). Xia Fei genuinely believes that Vein is dead. Liu Xiao knows that Vein is alive. Liu Xiao could very easily tell Xia Fei the truth, but he won’t. Instead, it’s likely he’ll either directly reveal the existence of supernatural abilities to Xia Fei or lead him to find it out for himself, then explain that Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi used their abilities to kill Vein. Vein’s death will remain a driving motivator for Xia Fei (he’d still probably be upset if he knew the truth, but it wouldn’t be nearly as effective and emotionally shattering), and it’ll hit even worse with the betrayal of his (now) only two friends. With Vein dead, his only friends the murderers, and his own career pretty much over after he goes missing alongside Jack, what does he have left to lose? (It’s also important to note that his theme song directly says “I’ve got nothing to lose.” Which may not have been true before since he had a solid career and a close relationship with Vein, but now, it certainly is. Additionally, the following line, “All I do is pursue,” which originally could be taken to reference his career, but now takes on an entirely different meaning. He’s pursuing Vein’s killers. He’s pursuing revenge. He’s pursuing Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi, and it’s all he can do.)

The reason he’s the perfect person to send after the two is because he’s trusted by them and knows exactly where they are. Cheng Xiaoshi told him the name of the photo studio, and even if they’re not there, he knows who the two are looking for (it’s important to remember that he was Cheng Weimin’s student and therefore likely also has ties to Wang Qing and anyone else the two might go to for information on the man). If he knows what they’re after, then he knows how to find them. And either way, since he’s staying in contact as a friend, he could always just ask Cheng Xiaoshi if he can stop by and meet with them. He has the easiest way to find and meet with the two without drawing suspicion. And with everything that happened, he could easily pretend that he’s going to them for help or safety. He could work up some story about how Jack attacked him, he fought back in self defense but went too far, now he’s hiding, etc. You get the idea. Cheng Xiaoshi would likely easily believe him and want to help.

Let’s look back at Liu Xiao for a second, for we need to explain how he’d get Xia Fei working for him in the first place. I think it’s possible that after Xia Fei and Jack go missing, Liu Xiao finds him and offers his help. It’s also possible that Xia Fei would go to Liu Xiao for help. Who better to turn to when you’re on the run for murder than the shady guy who’s obviously involved in something illegal and incredibly intelligent? One way or another, Xia Fei ends up relying on Liu Xiao’s help, which puts him back under Liu Xiao’s control. Liu Xiao makes sure Xia Fei doesn’t find out the truth about Vein (he’d have to ensure the two are always in different places), reveals the existence of supernatural powers to him, and leads him to the conclusion that Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi were responsible for Vein’s death. Even better if he explains the fact that he’d had Xia Fei track the two by saying that he knew they were dangerous, threats, murderers, etc. and was trying to keep tabs on them or stop them from hurting people. That would be a sure way to make himself more sympathetic and appealing. But he doesn’t even necessarily have to explain that. All he has to do is give Xia Fei information that turns him against the other two and then sit back and watch, quietly pulling the strings from behind the scenes like always.

Assuming this theory is correct (it’s all speculation so take this as you will), we now have Xia Fei working from the inside to take down Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi and Vein still with Liu Xiao. It seems likely that Liu Xiao would use Xia Fei to keep Vein under control and also offer his assistance in keeping Vein hidden. We know that Vein is ultimately the one who goes after Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi, at least in the (or one of the branches of the) original timeline. And it’s entirely possible that Vein would go after them to avenge his own death, but that’s not what he says in the clip in episode 1. He says that it’s punishment for changing the past. He also noticeably misses nearly every shot despite being trained in combat. Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi are hardly dodging at all. It’s almost as if Vein is intentionally missing, and he even leaves before he can confirm that Cheng Xiaoshi is actually dead. He easily could’ve broken down the door and been sure to kill both of them. But he doesn’t, and he doesn’t look happy, either. We don’t see his eyes during this scene, which is also suspicious, for the show typically does that when someone is being controlled.

Which he probably is.

It would explain why he can’t shoot as well, why he’s focused on them changing the past instead of avenging the wrongs they’ve done (bonus points if he’s given more reason to hate them by making them have to hurt Xia Fei when they discover that he’s working against them, but that’s a whole other can of worms), and why he seems upset and leaves after Cheng Xiaoshi takes the bullet for Lu Guang. Lu Guang became insignificant the second Cheng Xiaoshi died, and this could be for one of two reasons 1. Cheng Xiaoshi was always the intended target or 2. The attack was meant to get Lu Guang out of the way so Cheng Xiaoshi could be used. If we go with the latter option, then Vein was not meant to kill Cheng Xiaoshi at all. Lu Guang was the only one he was supposed to kill, and Cheng Xiaoshi’s death was actually a huge mistake.

Because of course, under this assumption, the person controlling him would have to be Li Tianchen.

We don’t know exactly when Vein kills Cheng Xiaoshi, but we see the two wearing the same outfits they wore in seasons one and two, which means it took place around that same time. We also can’t be certain that it’s a different timeline than the season one and two timeline. The scene itself seems to span multiple timelines, considering the small changes to the background—blood splatters, pictures on the wall, minor inconsistencies—and if that’s the case, it’s entirely possible that it takes place after what we see in season two. We know that Li Tianchen is working with Liu Xiao by that time. If Vein, for some reason, discovers Liu Xiao’s secrets and manipulation and stops helping him, what’s stopping Liu Xiao from having Li Tianchen possess Vein and make him try to kill the two anyway?

And, if we’re following the theory that their intention was to remove Lu Guang and use Cheng Xiaoshi (which we already saw in season 2, so who’s to say Liu Xiao didn’t also play a hand in that?), then we know Li Tianchen has plenty to gain from the use of Cheng Xiaoshi’s powers. He wants his family back. He wants to change the past and save his dead mother (and now sister), which was established at the end of season 2. Liu Xiao could easily use that to talk Li Tianechen into killing Lu Guang and capturing Cheng Xiaoshi. It’s unclear what Liu Xiao’s own motives are in all of this, but we know that he has connections to Cheng Xiaoshi’s father, which gives him further reason to want to leave Cheng Xiaoshi alive and use him. Or kill him, depending on the nature of said connection, if we want to go back to the former theory. Either way, it seems likely that Vein was somehow possessed and forced to try and kill one of the two.

An argument could be made that Vein wasn’t possessed because he was shooting left-handed, as we see him do when he’s not being possessed. But it’s important to note that we also see Li Tianchen comfortably fighting with his left hand when possessing Qiao Ling and attacking Cheng Xiaoshi in the first episode of season two. He seems to be ambidextrous, so it wouldn’t be unlikely for him to continue having Vein shoot with his left hand, especially if that just comes more naturally to the body he’s possessing.

There are still a lot of gaps to fill and loose ends to tie up—Liu Xiao’s motivation, Xia Fei’s connection to Cheng Weimin and his full role as an antagonist, Vein’s relationship with Liu Xiao over time, who the other survivor of the fire is (taken from the ciphers in the intro), the mysteriously appearing sign in the elevator, and perhaps most importantly Qiao Ling (likely to be a central player with her newfound abilities, maybe even the one to get them out of this mess. I’m a fan of the theory that the Bridon Arc is at least partially seen through her eyes as she looks into Lu Guang’s past and pieces everything together across multiple timelines, which would account for the inconsistencies in the backgrounds of frames)—but I think this theory is fun and could have a lot of potential in tying together all three seasons so far. I’d also like to learn more about the importance of the recurring eye symbol. We see an eye or at least symbols and patterns that resemble eyes on the book Vein steals from Wang Qing’s office, above the door of the bookstore, on the rug at the entrance to Xia Fei’s apartment, on a book in the drawer of Cheng Weimin’s desk at school in the past (appears to be the same as the one Vein stole but we can’t be sure. If it was, it could contain more information on the school, the fire, and potentially lead to the other survivor), the whole title of the opening theme, and more places I’m sure that I missed. It’s interesting that the symbol is an eye, too, when we see eyes and eye color most notably tied to powers. Maybe the book and information Vein was after had something to do with supernatural abilities. This is all probably very wrong, but I’d like to see at least some elements of it come into play. I need the next season like yesterday.

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[starlightkyeom]

lost in the west | kmg

(where your best friend pretends to be your boyfriend for the holidays so you can avoid more nagging from your mother. except your whole family thought you were already dating)

pairing: mingyu x f!reader genre: fake dating (kind of), friends to lovers, holiday!au | fluff, smut, romance rating: explicit, minors do not interact word count: 18.1k warnings: eating, drinking, mentions of christmas and holiday celebrations, reference to mingyu being afraid of heights, some minor family dynamic issues, so much kissing, fingering, big dick!mingyu, sex (just plain old missionary), i think that's it

author's note: thank you to the amazing @camandemstudios studios for hosting the winter with you collab! it's been so fun to be part of (even if i forgot for a second that i had to include sunrise sledding, but we're ignoring that). i'm sorry this is a little late as a holiday fic but sometimes life happens and inspiration just doesn't want to strike. i'm not even going to say it's longer than i intended because that's just my brand atp. this is largely unedited.

author's note 2: i think there's going to be an epilogue but idk when that will be possible

tag list: @vitaminkyeom, @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizon, @klecksstorys, @gyuminusone, @aaniag, @straykidswhoo789, @kimseokgen, @haolistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @harry-the-pottypus, @pyeonghongrie, @nuttywastelandmentality, @writingbarnes, @tomodachiii, @gyuhao365, @jjin-kun, @divinityyy, @dibidibidismynameisleeknow, @tinkerbell460, @aidanjoon, @cookiearmy, @kaepjjangiya (join my taglist here)

“You’re bringing your boyfriend back with you, aren’t you?” your mom asks, which makes you look sharply toward the phone. It’s on speaker because you’re in the middle of folding laundry. Your best friend also looks over towards your phone with a grimace, which makes you wish it wasn’t on speaker.

The thing is…you haven’t told your mom that your ex and you broke up about two months ago. Didn’t want to deal with all the sighing and interrogation while you’re rushing to finish end of the year deadlines at work. Somehow, you know it’ll be your fault. Never mind the fact that he cheated on you in your own apartment. But, that’s another story. Your mother will say something about how you shouldn’t be so picky and everyone makes mistakes. Say that sometimes it’s not your most attractive trait that you’re dedicated to your job. Say that you’re not getting any younger and remind you how many of your friends from school are already married or even having kids of their own. That’s one reminder you don’t really need. You see it every time you aimlessly scroll through your feed. Or when you open the mail and see another wedding invitation. 

You sigh. “Well, actually…” 

“Oh, don’t tell me,” your mother says with her own sigh. “You broke it off with this one, too?” 

“I’m not going to get into it with you,” you say, gentle but firm. 

“I don’t understand what could have made you break it off. You said he was like your best friend,” she reminds you. 

This earns an eye roll from one of your actual best friends, Mingyu. He takes over folding your clothes for you as something to do and as a way to speed up the whole process. 

“Well, he’s not and I don’t see any reality where I will forgive him for what he did to me. So, let’s move on,” you say. 

“Maybe that’s okay. You know, one of my friends has a son who’s single and I could just…” she starts.

“No, absolutely not,” you say. This causes Mingyu to stifle his laughter with a hand.

“I don’t understand what the harm in meeting him is. He seems very nice and you’re not exactly getting any younger,” she says. 

There it is. The conversation always somehow ends up at the same point. You’re not getting any younger. All your parents’ friends have been planning weddings and getting grandchildren. They all seem to understand the importance of building a family. Why do you have to be so focused on what’s wrong with every person you date? Why are you too wrapped up in work? Your parents constantly remind you how you seem too wrapped up in the city life to realize what you’re missing.

“I just don’t think…” you start but then trail off when Mingyu starts waving at you to get your attention. He’s pointing at himself and mouthing something you can’t understand.

“I know you don’t think, but just…” your mom starts and you mute yourself so you can figure out what your best friend wants.

“What, Mingyu?” you ask, sharper than you intend.

“Take me back with you for the holidays,” he says. 

“What?” you ask.

“Take me…” he starts.

“No, I heard you. What are you on about?” you ask. 

“You can just feed your mom some line. Tell her you and I just started dating. It doesn’t matter. Anything to just get her off your case,” he says.

“I’m not…what is wrong with you? I’m not going to just fake date you like some weird holiday movie,” you argue.

“Okay, first of all, rude. Those movies aren’t weird, they’re great. And second of all, what do you have to lose?  Your mom loves me and she’ll be thrilled to see me. I already know everyone that’ll be at the parties and dinners. My parents are out of the country visiting my sister and her new boyfriend for the holidays, so I was only going to my cousin’s as kind of a pity invite. It can’t possibly fail,” he says.

“There are a lot of ways it could fail, actually,” you point out.

“Wow, are you going to leave me stranded for the holidays? I’m already rethinking this relationship,” Mingyu says through a pout. “My own partner doesn’t even want to spend the holidays with me. Are you embarrassed to bring me around your family?”

“So what do you say?” comes your mom’s voice. You had been blocking it out while talking to Mingyu, yet it still catches your attention.

You quickly unmute yourself and look away from Mingyu. “I…actually can’t, Mom. I’m sort of seeing someone different, but it’s new so I wasn’t going to mention…” 

“Oh, you already found someone new, that’s wonderful!” she exclaims. 

You don’t have to look at Mingyu to know that he’s wearing a grin that’s entirely too satisfied. Even if he’s mostly kidding about being abandoned for Christmas, you know that it’s been bugging him that his parents decided to go abroad. You also know that he wouldn’t ever dream of inviting himself to tag long even if that’s what he wanted to do. He actually likes your family, sometimes more than you do. 

“I’ll have to ask him if he’s willing to come with me, but…” you try to say before your mother cuts you off again.

“Tell him it simply wouldn’t be the holidays without him. I can’t wait to meet him. Oh, I’m going to tell your father. We may manage to get you married after all,” she says in seemingly one breath.

“I still haven’t…” you try again without any luck.

“I can’t wait to see you both! Love you!” she says. 

“Love y-...” you say, but she’s already ended the call. 

“I guess I have holiday plans after all,” Mingyu says and you fight the urge to throw a pillow at him.

“This is a terrible idea. I can’t pretend we’re dating,” you say and crinkle your nose.

“Oh, wow, have I offended your high standards?” he asks. “Should I remind you of your last two relationships?”

You do throw the pillow at him this time. 

Despite all the questions from your parents about just who is coming home with you for the holidays, you insist that it needs to be a surprise. You definitely think that your parents will be surprised when they see Mingyu on their doorstep. Even though you only met Mingyu in college, the two of you have been nearly inseparable since then. He’s come with you to countless family events to keep you company, especially between other relationships. Your parents buy him Christmas presents every year and insist on video chatting with both of you on his birthdays. Your younger cousins ask when he’s going to be coming around again because they look up to him, both literally and figuratively. It’s kind of annoying sometimes because you wonder if they like him more than their own family member. But, you reason it away with them liking him for the same reasons that you do. He’s just so easy to be around, though they get more of his polite company attitude than you do. Around you, he’s much more relaxed and somehow more prone to pouting to get his way. 

More unfortunately, the pout always seems to work on you. You pretend to be annoyed with it (well, it’s not always pretending, actually), but you give in every time. Which is fine when it’s just the two of you. It’s less fine when other friends are around because they all have smug looks. Convinced that you and him are end game and neither of you realizes yet. The worst, though, is when he slips into the pout mode around your family and you have to deal with the looks from your family members. It’s all worth it to have someone to act as a buffer, even if you’ll never tell him as much. 

Before you get to that point of seeing your parents, you figure that you should stop by to see your childhood best friend first. Of course, he already knows the whole story with Mingyu and doesn’t seem entirely surprised. After all, he’s also known your mom nearly his whole life. Somehow you went from kids forced together when the parents hung out to adults that actually still genuinely love each other, which means he knows Mingyu well too. In his role as best friend, your current situation will not spare you from his teasing. That’s a role he’s happily embraced all your lives. 

The smirk on his face is present as soon as he sees you and Mingyu walk into the coffee shop. Mingyu hasn’t even spotted him while he unwinds his scarf and heads to the counter to order drinks. You say you’re going over to sit with your friend and only then does Mingyu notice you’re not the first ones here. 

“Hey Kwan, you good on your drink?” he calls.

“Yeah, thanks,” he calls back before his eyes turn on you like he’s got a secret. 

You make your way over to his table and try not to react to the look he’s giving you. Typical Seungkwan looking like he’s about to burst with the latest gossip. Even when he knows exactly why you have Mingyu with you and even said, over text, he gets why you agreed. Ugh. You know better than to think he’ll let you live for even a second. Sometimes you think you need better friends.

“Has he gotten taller?” Seungkwan asks, casting his eyes over at your other friend. 

“No, but for real,” you say with a laugh. “I swear, I see him constantly and I still feel like he’s getting taller.”

“Constantly, huh?” Seungkwan asks, raising an eyebrow.

“We’re best friends,” you say with a sigh.

“And what am I?” he asks. 

“Also my best friend. There’s no rule on having only one,” you repeat for what feels like the hundredth time. 

“Are you nervous to head back to your parents’ house?” he asks, entirely switching approaches. 

It’s not your first rodeo, though. “Why should I be? They like Mingyu, at least, so there won’t be any of the awkwardness beyond explaining that we’re dating now.” 

“Which probably isn’t going to come as a surprise to them,” Seungkwan says. 

“I mean, why wouldn’t it be a surprise?” you ask before you clock the look on his face. “Oh, don’t tell me this is more of that bullshit about how often I bring him around. You know my family is insufferable if I have to deal with them alone.” 

“No, I just know for a fact that they’ve wondered if you were dating him before,” Seungkwan says as Mingyu finally joins you with two coffees in hand.

“That would mean she would need to have good enough taste to date someone as great as me,” he says when he sets your coffee in front of you.

“I’m so torn,” Seungkwan admits. “I could insult her taste in relationships, which, love you babe, but really? Or I could insult you as not really being any better than anyone she’s dated.”

“That one gets us both, though?” you point out, only a little offended.

“Option two it is,” Seungkwan agrees. 

“Okay, enough of that. Fill me in on everything before I have to walk into the lion’s den,” you say. 

It’s always the same when you catch up with Seungkwan. He’s thriving even though he chose not to leave the area where you grew up. It’s not that big of an area, but he’s found opportunities. You just found those opportunities a little further away. Just far enough away that your mother can’t easily pop by unannounced. That lead time before she shows up is usually enough that you can mentally prepare. 

Seungkwan, for his part, really does brighten up the entire space, when he’s not being a demon. He’s got that kind of shine that can’t even be dulled by staying in the same general area as his family. He’s also better at setting boundaries, which he gently reminds you again. He doesn’t need the space and preparation time of his family showing up at his place unannounced because they all know that’s not allowed. It’s not that you’re a pushover, it’s just that it feels different. Even your parents seem to respect Seungkwan more than you at times. You try not to let the cynicism of being a woman seep into those feelings. But, it’s hard. Harder still when Seungkwan gives you the sympathetic look like he wants to agree and knows it won’t really help anything. He’s always been that special brand of ally. The one that actually does want to help and understands the inherent privilege.

Unfortunately, Seungkwan and his family won’t be coming to the events that your parents have planned for the next week, though they’re always invited. They wanted to do something more focused on their family instead. It probably seems like something over the top to anyone on the outside. To you, it just seems normal. This is how your parents always handle the holidays and most events seem to take place at their house. 

All too soon, Seungkwan says that he needs to get back to something and reminds you that you can’t put off going home any longer. You’re already getting dangerously close to what your mother considers late. It’s probably not the best idea to test her patience before the week even starts. 

Mingyu takes care of getting you over to your parents house. Maybe fake dating him for a week won’t be so bad when he takes care of driving without asking and doesn’t even need an address. Since he also already knows your entire family, he doesn’t need help with getting gifts to bring with him. That includes both something to give them when you get there as well as actual Christmas gifts. You remember telling him that wasn’t necessary and remember the look of horror on his face when he asked what kind of fake boyfriend he would be if he forgot. Despite the weirdness of the situation, you also find yourself far more at peace than the last time you brought an actual partner home like this. Mingyu has seen you through a lot of ups and downs. Knows when to be serious and when to crack a little joke to break the tension, even if it’s something only for your ears. 

That all disappears as soon as your mother greets you at the door with a look of genuine surprise on her face. 

“Surprise,” you say. It seems a little redundant because she seems shocked. “You, uh, you remember Mingyu, right?” 

“Of course, of course, come in out of the cold,” she says, recovering quickly as she steps out of the way. “Let me get your coats.”

“I know this is probably a bit of a surprise,” you start.

“It definitely is,” she agrees as she takes Mingyu’s and your coats. “Your father is just in the family room.”

“I figured it would be a good surprise,” you offer as you start to follow her into the house. 

“No, of course it is. We adore Mingyu, you know that,” she says with a soft smile for Mingyu. She’s always loved him. “We just, well, we thought you and him had broken up…”

“Broken…what?” you ask, your own shock now matching your mother’s as you come to a complete halt. 

Mingyu seems to just stay quiet through this entire exchange. You’re wondering why until you look over at him to see that he’s barely containing his laughter. Of course he would find this whole thing funny. Maybe he believes Seungkwan that your parents have wondered if you were dating him. Or maybe he’s just quicker on the uptake. Whatever it, it would be annoying if your brain wasn’t working overtime to try and catch up.

“Yes, you said you’d broken up with a boyfriend. Your father and I realized we hadn’t actually met the last person you dated and we just assumed, since you only mention Mingyu. Well, you said he was like your best friend and we knew it wasn’t Seungkwan. Mingyu only made sense,,” your mother says with a shrug. 

“Mingyu! What are you doing here?” your father asks, rising from his seat to shake your best friend’s hand. 

“Dating our daughter, apparently,” your mother says with a skeptical look. 

“Oh, good! I’m glad you kids worked it out,” he says. 

“Did…everyone just think I was dating…?” you start to ask, looking confusedly between your parents. “Mom, Dad, I was not dating Mingyu. We were only…”

“Friends?” your mother supplies through her heavy tone of disbelief. 

“Yes,” you say, eyes wide and desperate looking to Mingyu for support.

“We really were just friends,” Mingyu says. “I mean, I guess not just friends. But, seeing her go through another heartbreak just made me realize that I didn’t want to see her go through something like that again. I guess it just made me realize how much I do care about her. So, I finally said something.” 

There’s a lot that you can count on Mingyu for. Driving, having an endless supply of oversized hoodies to steal, a stocked kitchen, the best meals of your life, 2 am chats, support through break ups, hating the same people, being scared of his own shadow, a perpetual golden retriever energy, endless loyalty, and the list goes on. Something you never expect to count on Mingyu for, though? The lie that spills so easily from his lips to try and get your parents off your case. Sure, he knows just how much you struggle with your relationship with them. This is different, though. The lie sounds so sincere and his face looks so soft when he glances over at you. 

“You know, it’s okay if you just got back together,” your mother says, looking between the two of you. 

“Oh my god, that’s not what happened!” you say, throwing your hands up. 

“Of course, dear, of course,” your father says. 

“I should go take our suitcases upstairs. Am I just in the normal guest room?” he asks. 

It’s both a deflection from the conversation and a valid question all rolled into one. Whatever the case, it does work for long enough to have your mother refocus her attention on Mingyu to answer. That gives you at least a second to catch your breath. Bringing Mingyu was supposed to give you a break from your parents. And it will, you think, but it’s also bringing up a lot that you hadn’t planned on. You wonder what Seungkwan will say when you tell him about the reception. Probably that he told you so.

“Oh, no dear. We planned to have you stay in our daughter’s old room with her,” your mother says.

Great. Now you’re in an entirely new spiral because, what? She has you and Mingyu staying in the same room where there is only one bed? You can’t remember the last time she was this relaxed with a partner you brought home, which brings up even more questions. Has this really been the plan? Or is only the plan now because of how much they like him? Is this just another way for them to try and nudge you into marriage?

“But, mom…” you start to protest.

“We’ve got a full house with family, dear,” she says as an explanation. 

“I know where it is, I’ll just take the stuff up,” Mingyu offers.

“I can help,” you say as a way to get out of this whole thing and to talk to your friend.

“Pretty sure I’m strong enough to get some luggage upstairs,” he jokes and you roll your eyes.

“Why don’t you go up with him anyway? Then you can freshen up before dinner,” your mother says with a poorly disguised look at your slightly wrinkled clothing. 

Mingyu insists on carrying the bigger suitcases upstairs on his own, but you grab the smaller bags you had in the car with you. Well, except for his backpack that he also stubbornly carries. You don’t need a personal demonstration, you already know that he’s strong. You also don’t need to hear your mother talking about how nice it is to have such a polite young man around like he hasn’t been around a million times before. Once you’re inside the room and behind a closed door, you round on your friend.

“What the hell was that?” you ask.

“Your mom actually letting you and a boyfriend stay in the same room? I don’t know. It’s crazy, right?” he asks.

“Not that, what was with you?” you ask. 

“What do you mean?” he returns, looking up from his suitcase where he had been getting ready to unpack. 

“That whole answer you gave my mom,” you say and he looks almost pitying.

“I have to make it believable, don’t I?” he asks like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Otherwise, she won’t buy it and she’s going to try to set you up.”

“I guess that makes sense,” you concede. 

“Kind of wild that they thought we’d been dating, though,” he adds on.

“Yeah, what was that?” you ask with more force than you mean. 

He only shrugs. “I don’t know, they’re your parents.” 

“Seungkwan said the same thing,” you remind him. 

“About people thinking we’re dating?” he asks, eyes back on his suitcase.

“Yeah,” you say.

He only chuckles before he looks up. “Come on, that’s not the first time either. How many of our friends have thought the same thing?”

“They’re just fucking with us,” you disagree.

“And my ex?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Okay, well in my defense, she was insane. The whole idea that people of the opposite sex can’t be friends is an insane take,” you say.

“Yeah, I’m not exactly upset to be rid of her,” he agrees.

“Come on. We better hurry up and get back downstairs,” you say.

The rest of the day is somehow just as weird, but also comforting. As the rest of the family starts arriving, either to stay or just for dinner, you find out that most of your family thinks you’ve been dating Mingyu. Or that it was him that you broke up with and are now back together with. It’s hard to tell if it’s something coming from your parents or just a general vibe that the two of you give off. You can at least acknowledge that you didn’t talk about your last relationship much with your family. Hindsight is always clearer, but you still think you knew something was off in that relationship the whole time. Knew that he wasn’t destined to go the distance. Maybe that’s why the break up didn’t hurt that bad. Honestly, the worst part was thinking of facing your family alone for Christmas.

Mingyu saves you from that as he’s saved you countless times before. 

That brings you to the more comforting part of the evening. You can’t tell if any of your family members actually buy that this is a new relationship. At least, none of them seem to think it’s fake. You can probably put up with it if they just think you’re lying about when you actually got together. That makes it all feel much easier. Then, there’s the fact that your entire family loves Mingyu. It’s the first time you can remember joining the dinner to kick off the family Christmas festivities in years. Your family takes the holidays very seriously and it’s Mingyu’s first time experiencing it like this. Yet, he slots right in with everything. 

It also feels like he’s thought through this whole fake relationship in ways you didn’t. Sure, you talked about some of the ins and outs since this isn’t just a quick overnight trip. But, mostly, you just decide it’s easiest to keep it as close to the truth as possible. The friendship is so deep that there’s genuine love there. You don’t have to fake that. What you did not consider is physical affection. You’re not the kind of person that drapes yourself all over a partner, never have been. There’s a moment where you worry, as you watch your cousin and her fiancé, that you and Mingyu could be found out for not showing enough affection. 

A few minutes later, you’re wishing he would be less affectionate. And you’re not even sure why you worried. The first thing you really learned about Mingyu was that he was incredibly physically affectionate. Tight hugs, random hand holding, an arm around your shoulder, a hand on your arm or leg. It’s all just par for the course with him. It’s gotten even more obvious now that he’s pretending to date you. It seems so innocuous, too. He’s got his hand on your thigh, giving the occasional squeeze, while he’s talking to someone else. He randomly plants a kiss on your temple. He leans over to whisper something to you on the pretense of being close and usually it’s nothing. You don’t even realize that it has most of your family giving each other knowing looks. Like they’re still not convinced you hadn’t been dating before. 

By the time it’s late enough to go upstairs, you’re more than ready to have time away from your family. Every time you think that you’re social, your family is there to humble you. Or maybe it’s just that being around them is too draining. In any case, you and Mingyu head upstairs together. Thankfully, your parents house is big enough that it feels like there’s a little bit of privacy in your old bedroom. 

“So, how’s this going to work?” Mingyu asks, glancing at the bed and then into the attached bathroom. 

Okay, so maybe, even with how big the house is, you haven’t fully considered everything. You’re not really sure what to do. It shouldn’t be weird. You and Mingyu have shared a bed before. This just somehow feels intimate when your entire family thinks you’re sharing because you’re in a relationship and don’t know this is all pretend so you can have a little bit of peace for the holidays. Your gift to yourself. Shaking it all off, you turn to Mingyu.

“I mean, we’ve shared before. It’ll be fine,” you say. 

“So are we not gonna talk about the last time we shared?” he asks with an eyebrow raised.

Racking your brain, you can’t really think of anything that would make him say that. Had something awkward happened? Did one of you do something that you should really remember? Just as you’re about to go into a full blown spiral, you feel Mingyu appear before you. He reaches out to smooth out the line between your eyebrows.

“Don’t hurt yourself there,” he says with a laugh. “You whined about me taking up too much space.” 

“Oh my god,” you say and swat at him. “It was a tiny bed and you took up the entire thing! You can’t do this to me when I’m already wound tight over my family.” 

“Sorry,” he says and throws up his hands. The sparkle in his eyes says that he’s anything but. 

“I’m going to change and then start my skincare routine,” you say as you move to grab something to wear to bed. 

Without even asking if you’re dressed, Mingyu comes into the bathroom to start doing his own skincare routine while you’re in there. He’s already changed into a t-shirt and shorts, which you know is more than he normally wears to bed. It’s somehow peaceful to go through your routines in silence like this. You consider that it might be in part because it forces him to be quiet. Not that you usually mind his chatter, it’s just that your brain is already tired from one night dealing with your family. You can’t imagine how the rest of the days are going to go and are thankful for the downtime when you’ll be able to get out of the house to do things. 

Once you’re back in the bedroom, you both finish off all the little things you need to do. You plug in your phone after checking for any important notifications, grab the TV remote to fling it over to Mingyu, and slide under the covers. Usually you just kind of scroll before going to sleep or sometimes you’ll read. But, you think it might be weird to do those things when you’re sharing a bed with someone else.

“Do I need to make a pillow wall or something?” he asks as he’s flipping through to find something to watch.

Your head whips to the side to look at him. Even though it’s only his profile, you can see that he’s smirking. Purposefully not looking at you because he knows it’ll break the little composure he has. To deal with that, you whack him with a pillow. 

“Just don’t drape your entire body over me,” you say.

“Why?” he asks and does turn to look at you now, wiggling his eyebrows. “Afraid it’ll be too close?”

“No, you fucking goober, you’re just heavy,” you say through a genuine laugh.

“How is this relationship ever going to work if we’re calling each other names?” he says, pretending to be heartbroken. 

“Same way it has for like 8 years,” you joke back with a soft smile. 

“Are you saying you love me?” he asks, hand on his heart. This is one of your favorite things about your friendship with Mingyu because he’s so dramatic that it takes your mind off everything else.

“I don’t know, I’m rethinking it,” you say and turn back to the TV. 

“I love you too, you know,” he says, voice soft enough to make you turn back to him.

“I know, Gyu. I don’t think anyone else would put themselves through this for me, so thank you,” you say honestly. 

He just shrugs and goes back to a lighter place. “Well, I didn’t have good holiday plans and who can say no to this level of entertainment?” 

The next day actually gives you time to catch up with some of your family members more personally instead of everything being such big conversations. That’s especially true for your cousin, Mimi, who’s only two years younger than you and has always been your favorite of your cousins. Even if you go months without seeing each other, it always feels like no time passes. There’s just a level of closeness and understanding between the two of you. You can complain about your mothers since they’re sisters and honestly the same person, just in a different font. It’s easy to be on the same page about things as well. 

You’re actually a little surprised to see that she’s here alone, even though you know she recently got out of a bad relationship. Somehow, it seems her mom is more understanding than your own. She was also much more honest about how the relationship fell apart after 3 years and her mom is sympathetic about it. When she says it like that, you understand. Your last few relationships have all been measured in months rather than years. 

“You’re not, like, actually dating Mingyu though, are you?” she asks quietly when it’s just the two of you.

“Mimi,” you hiss and look around.

“We’re alone,” she assures you with a wave of her hand. “So, spill.”

“No,” you say hesitantly. “Why?”

“I’m just curious,” she says unconvincingly. 

“He was with me when my mom was bugging me about the holidays and bringing someone with me. Then she was going to set me up, so he just offered…” you start.

“He was the one who suggested it?” she asks, far more curious than she should be. 

“Yeah,” you say simply. “Again, why?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve just always thought he was cute and I was wondering if he’s actually single.” 

“You cannot hit on Mingyu,” you whisper through gritted teeth. She gives you a look you can’t place before brushing it off.

“Oh, I’m not saying I would. It’s just good to know I could,” she says.

“You can’t,” you remind her. “Everyone thinks we’re dating.” 

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do it anywhere anyone else could see,” she teases. 

Of course, another of our cousins picks that moment to join you, so you can’t further chastise Mimi. It irritates you all the same though. How does she think it’s just fine to do something like that when you’re supposed to be in a fake relationship? Could she not just wait to hit on him until the rest of your family wasn’t watching with too much attention? 

Normally, Mimi is a respite from the rest of your family. She’s one of the few people that you’re always completely honest with. Now, she’s taken that away. You try to go about the rest of the day with her knowing that the relationship is fake and she seems like she’s trying her best to get under your skin. Every part of you wants to stop her from chatting so much to Mingyu and you can’t. It would seem weird when everyone knows that you and your cousin are close. Weirder still when she always knows Mingyu relatively well from every other time he’s been to some family event. 

When you excuse yourself up to your bedroom for a second away from your parents and their incessant hint dropping, Mingyu slips into the room just after you. Which is odd, considering you had not even seen him also slip away. The second odd thing comes when you look at his face. He looks more serious than usual, more tired. It doesn’t fully make sense because he’s incredibly social. Loves to be around people in the way all true extroverts do. Something must be wrong.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks after closing the door.

“You don’t ever have to ask,” you say with clear apprehension. 

“Did you tell Mimi we weren’t actually dating?” he asks, still looking at you in a way you can’t place.

You exhale, thinking it’ll be nothing. “Oh, that, yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it to you, I just…”

“Did you also tell her that I’m very single and she should go ahead and shoot her shot?” he asks and you stop short hearing that.

“I - what?” you ask.

“She just kind of cornered me and was laying it on super thick, but she said it was fine because she knows we’re not really dating and that you’d encouraged her to…” he starts and you immediately cut him off.

“What the actual fuck, Mimi?” you say in frustration. 

“I mean, if you want me to…” he tries to start again, looking a little like a lost or kicked puppy. It makes you immediately close the space between you and him. 

“Gyu, no. I did tell her that we weren’t actually dating, but I absolutely did not tell her it was okay to do any of that, let alone encourage it,” you say. 

“So you don’t want me to flirt back?” he asks. He’s still looking Too Serious when he says it and you’re not really sure how to feel.

“Since we’re supposed to be dating, I’d prefer you didn’t. But, if you think she’s pretty it’s not like I can stop you,” you say noncommittally. 

“Of course I think she’s pretty. You and your whole family are pretty. It’s like something in a TV show or some shit,” he says and this is a Mingyu you recognize because he’s rolling his eyes. 

“Oh yeah, says the guy who looks like that,” you say and vaguely gesture at him.

“I…did you just compliment me?” he asks, totally off track from wherever he was going.

“That depends, did you compliment me first?” you deflect. 

“You’re such a shithead,” he grumbles and you tsk at him.

“Now, now sweetheart, should we really be name calling?” you tease.

He fixes you with his attempt at an unimpressed stare, but he’s nowhere near as good at it as you are. Like every other time, he relents first. “I’ve probably told you how beautiful you are hundreds of times in our friendship.” 

“Which I’ve always returned,” you lie.

“Be so for real. I have to pull most compliments out of you,” he says through a snort. When you open your mouth to protest, he cuts you off. “Most compliments that are not about my cooking, I should say.”

“People fall all over you,” you say with a good natured eye roll of your own. “Do you really need to hear me also say you could easily be a model?”

“Doesn’t hurt,” he mumbles through a pout.

“Oh, beautiful Mingyu,” you start, taking on the silliest voice you can muster. “You’re so pretty that I could cry. Your face breaks hearts every day, your smile lights up the room, your hair…”

“Okay, okay, enough,” he says even though he looks pleased.

“I cannot believe Mimi, though,” you say.

“I’m glad you’re not trying to push us together,” he admits.

“Why? Not interested?” you tease.

He answers seriously, though. “No. She’s pretty, sure, but no, I’m definitely not interested, even if I wasn’t pretending to date you.” 

That honest answer strikes something in you. Not that honesty is unusual between the two of you. It just feels like there’s also an element of vulnerability in the response as well. Like he’s saying something that you just can’t quite decipher. You just brush aside for now, though, since there’s nothing else you really can do. 

Mingyu, as it turns out, has one winter time tradition that he’s always wanted to try and never had the chance to do: sledding. He’s never lived in any place where it’s snowy enough or there’s enough free space. But, up here in the relative mountains where your parents live, sledding is a way of life. It’s something you’ve done countless times growing up with friends or family. Part of you is even a little thankful that he wants to do it, too. It’s been years since you’ve gone sledding and getting to see his face when you go for the first time feels special. Feels like something that’s just for you. 

Which is why you’re up before the sun. 

Last night, when you talked about sledding and getting an early start, Mingyu was on board. Now that it’s time to actually get up, you can see it written all over his face that he’s regretting every decision that’s ever led him to this moment. Like the true best friend that he is, though, he’s keeping the actual grumbling to a minimum. You’re not sure why you’re not also grumbling. You’re not a morning person. But, you’ve never gone sledding at sunrise either and something about it just seems like it’ll be magical. Like it really will make it an entirely new experience for you and him to share. 

The house is quiet as you grab the bag of snow pants and winter jackets that you packed the night before from the closet in the entryway. Everything feels so peaceful in the house and just as still when you leave. Like even the soft sound of the door is too much while the whole world sleeps. You can hear the slight crunch under your feet as you trudge over to Mingyu’s car and take care not to be too loud getting in. Thank him again for driving when you know it’s way earlier than he wants to be awake. All he does is smile like there’s nowhere else in the world he would rather be. 

The drive to the hill where you’re going to sled is quick and also tranquil. Even the music is soft like Mingyu is afraid of disrupting the peace. Or maybe you’re both just appreciating something different than the normal bustle of life in a city. It’s never this kind of quiet there and there’s something kind of beautiful about it. Even the parking lot is empty when you get to the small hill that you used to sled down as a kid. You’ve never seen it empty before. Then again, you’ve never been before the sun rose, either. Mingyu takes care to unload the sleds before you both bundle up. It’s not terribly cold, but you make him put on the waterproof gear anyway. 

He stops at the bottom of the hill and looks towards the top. “We’re going all the way up there?” 

You can hear a little bit of nerves in his voice. Mingyu has never been a fan of heights. This isn’t that high, though, and you nudge him playfully. Well, it doesn’t seem high to you. “I think you can manage. Come on.” 

Climbing up to the top is always your least favorite part because it uses the most energy. Not that you mind the activity, it’s just a lot of work for a relatively short ride back down the hill on the sled. At least this hill has stairs built into the slope off to the side to help you. Once you’re at the top, you plop down with Mingyu right beside you. It’s less about catching your breath and more about appreciating the view. It seems like you can see for miles even though you’re not that high up. The sun starts to rise and you know it’s all worth it. All the shades of orange and pink stretch across the horizon as the sun makes its way over the distant mountains. There aren’t any words that come to mind to really capture how beautiful it is. The colors are more vibrant against the white of the snow all around you. Everything feels magnified in the quiet space. All either of you can do is utter out a soft wow to express your awe. 

And then the quiet really is broken.

“Okay you expect me to slide down that on a piece of plastic?” he asks with a hint of panic in his voice. 

You follow his gaze and look down the hill, because it really is only a hill. Not anything crazy. It always looks a little more intimidating from the top, but it isn’t anything all that high. 

“Oh come on you giant baby,” you tease and nudge him. “We got all the way up here, how else are you going to get down?” 

“Walk back down the stairs they so nicely provided?” he offers. 

“That’s crazy,” you say.

“I’m afraid of heights!” he shouts, more panic in his voice. 

“I know, Gyu,” you say, instantly softening as you approach him to put your hand on his arm. 

“I didn’t really think this through,” he admits.

“Why did you agree to sledding down a hill?” you ask, genuinely curious. 

He’s quiet for a moment as he looks out over vista before him. You watch as a calm comes back over him. The kind of calm that can only come from a setting as pretty as this one. Watch him take a couple steadying breaths. Even though you’ve been friends with Mingyu for years, you’ve never really seen his fear of heights firsthand. Couldn’t have imagined it would kick in for something as seemingly innocuous as a small sledding hill. Though, admittedly, it is a pretty decent size. It’s definitely not just the kind of hill people sled down in their backyards or local parks. 

“Because I wanted to try sledding and do something new. And this hill seemed important to you,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m not going to say no to something you ask me to do when you get that look in your eyes.”

“What look?” you ask to avoid considering a deeper meaning to his words.

“I don’t know. You get all starry eyed,” he says with a shrug. 

“How about this? We can go down together and check it off the list. You don’t have to sled again,” you offer. 

“We came all the way out here,” he says, unsure.

“And I got to see the prettiest sunrise of my life with my best friend beside me,” you say easily.

“Okay, okay. I can at least try,” he says.

You get up and send the smaller of the sleds down the hill without anyone on it in case you really only take the one ride. It would be a hassle to have to come back up and get it. Then, you position yourself on the bigger sled that’s meant for two people (or three kids sometimes when you were younger). Once you’re in place, you motion for Mingyu to settle in behind you. Point out where he can put his legs on either side of you, which already feels closer than normal even with how affectionate Mingyu can be. You adjust so that your back is pressed against his chest. It’s about the right balance to the sled so that you’re less likely to topple over on the way down. Mingyu has to crowd into your space to wrap his arms around your middle because he’s bigger than you are, something you hadn’t considered when suggesting this. You can almost tell that he’s considering burying his face in your hair, but stops short.

At least, until you push over the edge with a combination of wiggling and using your hands to push your forward. That’s when he buries his face. Then, you’re slowly picking up speed as you slide down the completely untouched snow. It’s always best like this, in your opinion. Before there are lanes carved into the snow. Yes, those lanes pack the snow down and can make you go faster, but you can also catch an edge and topple over more easily. 

None of that is really on your mind once you start descending though. All you can think of is the way Mingyu’s body feels pressed against yours. How it’s very foreign but also very comforting. How you can understand why your whole family so easily believes that you’re together. The comfort is effortless, something you don’t ever think about. It just exists. You focus on how funny it is to have this giant of a man wrapped around you like a koala with his head buried in your hair now because he’s nervous. You don’t even consider any other way that it might make you feel. When you let out a squeal of delight as the sled picks up more speed, you feel, rather than hear, him grumble by the tickle of his breath in your hair. It only makes him cling more tightly to you. 

It’s almost disappointing when you feel the sled level out at the bottom of the hill and slow down. It’s been the perfect way to relive one of the parts of your childhood that you loved the most. Getting to do silly little things like this really was one of the best parts of winter. You’re fully stopped before you realize that Mingyu is still clinging to you with everything he has. So, you carefully place a hand over his and feel him untense the tiniest bit.

“It’s okay, we made it to the bottom in one piece.” 

Slowly, he loosens his grip on you and actually looks up. Again, you feel this rather than seeing it. You feel the absence of his body heat and only then realize just how tightly he was clinging to you. Mingyu pulls his face out of your hair and seems to look around, as if testing that you’re really at the bottom of the hill. Like he’s not sure it’s over that quickly. 

“That wasn’t so bad.”

“No, it was a lot of fun.” 

“Do you think…could we maybe go again?” 

Both of you are standing up again now and it makes you whip your head around to look at him because you can’t believe this scaredy cat actually wants to go down again after how much it took to get him down the first time. His face is hopeful, though, and you’re not about to start saying no to that face now. Not when you never have before. So you match his smile. 

“On one condition,” you finally say. Mingyu only looks at you like he’s waiting for you to continue. “You have to actually keep your eyes open this time.” 

“You don’t know I had my eyes closed,” he insists with a pout.

“Gyu, your face was in my hair,” you say through a laugh.

“Okay, fine. Eyes open. But, I have my own condition, too,” he fires back, still kind of pouting. 

“Yes?”

“I want to ride together again.” 

It’s easy to agree to that. Even though you don’t say it out loud, it’s kind of fun riding with him, especially when the hill is so untouched. He’s tall and muscular, very helpful when it comes to carving a path and also picking up speed. He adds to the momentum and you like going faster. You don’t consider telling him that he wouldn’t go quite as fast without you because you would be losing on as well. It’s not a bad deal for either of you, really. Mingyu gets to work a little on a fear of heights on something much more manageable and you get to live out your best sled dreams. 

Each run gets a little bit easier. Mingyu holds up his end of the bargain and actually opens his eyes, which is more entertaining to you than it probably should be as he curses all the way down that first run. But, he keeps wanting to go and you’re not going to stop him. Don’t realize that maybe he also keeps going because he loves to see the way your face lights up each run. Neither of you makes an effort to get the other sled again either. 

By the time the sun is fully risen, yours and Mingyu’s cheeks are rosy from the cold. And also from the way you’ve taken to running back up the steps to the top like kids. You have to admit, even if it means he’ll get a big head, this is the most fun you’ve had in your hometown during the holidays in a long time. Honestly, it might actually be the most fun you’ve had anywhere in a while. It’s nice to get back to something simpler without worrying about anything else. Life can get busy back in the city between work and chores and endless responsibility. Sometimes it’s nice to just take a break from it all. Remember that there are more important things than just working all the time or being stressed about things you can’t really control. Maybe there’s something to simplifying life a bit. 

Now that the sun is rising, it’s a more acceptable time for people to be out and about themselves. Kids can convince their parents to take them sledding as well. At the first sign of people approaching, you and Mingyu agree that it should be your last run. You’re starting to get a little tired and you know it’ll get loud. You don’t mind having the kids around, you just know it gets harder to avoid everyone and you have to wait longer between each run. Besides, you planned something post sledding as well. It catches you off guard that he actually seems a little sad to be leaving. 

That is, until you take him to this little hole in the wall of a breakfast place. It’s something new because you’re not usually in this area when he comes with you to family events. Not that it’s far, it’s just a few towns over and there are closer places. Until winter comes around again and the elderly couple that runs the place roll out their secret recipe for hot cocoa. Honestly, you could probably just drink that without even ordering anything to eat and be the happiest person in the world. The food is amazing too, though, and you didn’t eat before leaving to go sledding. You and Mingyu order a few things to share and laugh all the way through it, talking about sledding and the trip so far.

“Thanks for this,” he says as breakfast is winding up.

You’re a little surprised at both his words and the gentleness of his tone. “For what?”

“Taking me sledding like this. That sunrise was amazing and I, well, I guess I didn’t think I’d have as much fun as I did,” he admits, a little more shy than you’re used to.

“I’m glad you trusted me,” you say and can’t quite place the look he gives you.

“I think I’d trust you with just about anything.” 

The day before Christmas is always the same. By then, you’re in desperate need of a break from your family and you think they may be in need of a break from you as well. So, each year you get together with Seungkwan and some of your other friends that still live in the area. Anyone with a partner brings them along and you have a nice, boozy brunch. This year, Seungkwan is hosting because his place is spacious and the group seems a little bigger. It’s also nice to get to really spend some time at his place since he’s only been there a few months. 

Typically, a few people in the friend group will bring over some pre-made things to warm up the next day as well as everyone bringing whatever they want to drink and share. That’s the same for this year with a slight change. Mingyu, once he sees the kitchen, says that he just has to make some food as well. After taking an inventory, he heads back out to buy more things that he needs, ignoring any of your protests and only agreeing to take your card so you can sort out the cost with your friends. (You’re not going to do that because you don’t mind just covering it, but you don’t want him to cover it either.)

When he gets back, he immediately goes into the kitchen and your friend Vernon’s girlfriend offers to help. She drags Seungkwan’s sister, who doesn’t usually come around, with her as well. Mingyu only leaves the kitchen long enough to bring you one of the mimosas that he made, insisting there’s a special ingredient. Then, it’s back to fully focusing on the food. Not that you really mind. It’s nice to just be in a low stress environment with your friends to catch up, have some drinks, and laugh a lot. 

Vernon, after looking around to make sure nobody else is listening, shows you and Seungkwan the ring he’s been walking around with for the past few weeks. Apparently, he’s finally settled that he’s going to propose to his girlfriend tomorrow on Christmas Day. You’re thrilled because they’ve been together forever and she already feels like family. Seungkwan nearly bursts into tears, which you have to quickly cover so nobody realizes what’s happening. You love that your best friend is like that. It’s just not the time if you want to keep it a secret that Vernon wants to propose. 

It also feels nice to be in a group where you don’t have to pretend. Nothing changes all that much for how you and Mingyu are together because he’s always affectionate with you. But, you get to trade any of the not-so-subtle comments about when you’re going to get married to the relentless teasing about how he passes as your boyfriend so easily. It’s nice to have someone joking about it and you find you don’t even mind. Especially when Mingyu chimes in with his own little comments from the kitchen. There seems like there’s a lot of laughter in there as well. 

“You’re going to have to dress him better if he’s going to keep posing as your boyfriend,” Seungkwan jokes and you look over at the kitchen. 

Mingyu is wearing this kind of awful green zip up sweater. It’s not even that nice, soft material. But, he insisted on wearing it because he wanted to wear something with Christmas colors and it was the only thing he had apart from his outfit for tomorrow. It makes you roll your eyes again remembering it.

“I know,” you sigh. “Usually he dresses so well and then there’s that.” 

Your eyes drift back over to him in the kitchen again and you kind of wish you hadn’t looked back. You catch him as something falls off a spoon he’s using to taste test and onto his skin. And, without seeming to think about it, he sucks it off his hand. Then, licks along his finger for good measure. It makes your heart stutter a little in a way that’s completely foreign to you. Why are you so entirely transfixed by someone who’s supposed to be your best friend and fake boyfriend doing that?

“Hey, you good?” Seungkwan asks, snapping in front of your eyes.

You shake your head to clear it before turning back to him. “Yeah, sorry, zoned out for a second.”

“Uh huh,” he says skeptically, but you catch his eyes darting over to Mingyu. 

“Don’t,” you warn him, causing him to throw his hands up in defense. 

“I won’t,” he says. “But, if you decide you want to talk about it…”

“Talk about what?” Mingyu asks. You hadn’t even seen him leave the kitchen. 

“The issue she’s having with Mimi,” Seungkwan lies quickly. 

Mingyu rolls his eyes. “She won’t leave me alone.” 

“And that seems to be driving both of you crazy,” Seungkwan observes. 

“Well, yeah, our bestie is just being a good friend and she knows I’m uncomfortable,” Mingyu says before you can answer. Is that all it is? For the first time, you’re not sure.

“I’m not sure how I feel about sharing a best friend,” Seungkwan says with feigned distaste.

Mingyu tries to give The Look again, but fails even worse than with you. Nobody can outdo Seungkwan and so he gives up. “Food is ready.” 

“Oh good, I’m starving,” Vernon interrupts. 

The rest of brunch goes by without Seungkwan making any other comments. To you, at least. You don’t see him sit down next to Mingyu after the food is done like it’s casual and unplanned. Nothing that man ever does is either of those things, though. What you do notice is how easily he fits into this group of friends. Sure, he knows Seungkwan pretty well and he’s met nearly everyone there. But, he doesn’t get to spend much time around them. Not really, in the grand scheme of things. It isn’t really surprising, if you think about it, because they’re all close friends of yours and he tends to think you have good taste where friends are concerned.

It is a little weird, you think as Mingyu sits on the other side of the room, that he seems to be a little glued to his phone now that things are getting closer to wrapping up. He checks it mid conversation and furrows his brow at whatever he sees. Both seem unusual. Mingyu is always one of those people that gives his full attention to a conversation. Unless it’s an emergency, he likes to be present in a moment. It’s one of your favorite things about him. It’s also unlike him to be so upset by something on his phone. You can’t think of any person that would be creating that reaction from him. Or anyone that he wouldn’t just ignore until later. You try to put it out of your mind as best you can. If it’s something serious, he’ll talk to you about it. At least, you hope. 

Any other time, you would be thrilled to have your favorite cousin staying at your parents’ house for the holidays. She’s always been your confidant and one of your safe spaces. Now? You can’t stand it. You really wish she would be literally anywhere else. Just the sight of her is getting to be enough to set you off. It seems like she’s really taking it to heart that Mingyu is single. You’re not sure what her game is and you hate it. 

Of course, she manages to corner you the second you’re back to your parents’ house. You’re not exactly paying all that much attention, though. The end of brunch with your friends had been a little weird, even if nobody else noticed it. Mingyu accepted all the praise for the things he made, but was distracted by his phone. Someone, you’re not really sure who, kept sending him messages. Whatever it was didn’t seem to be making him happy. Not that you really have any right to ask him who’s blowing up his phone. It’s just a little weird. Usually he’s so present in events like brunch. It’s odd to see him constantly checking his phone. Odder still that he had headed off to the bedroom as soon as you got back. You’re a little buzzed from the mimosas. Mingyu, on the other hand, is very sober.

“There you are,” Mimi says, appearing as if out of thin air. It makes you jump back, hand on your heart.

“Jesus,” you gasp out.

“No, Mimi,” she jokes. Any other time, it would make you laugh. You’re not so entertained with her now. 

“What are you sneaking up on me for?” you ask instead. 

She rolls her eyes and looks around. “I’m not sneaking up on you. I was just trying to catch you away from the others.”

“Why?”

“Why do you have that fake boyfriend of yours on such a tight leash?”

Out of habit, you look around to make sure nobody is listening. Everyone seems too busy, though. “I don’t have Mingyu on a leash.”

“Then explain why he’s basically refusing to answer any of my texts,” she says, arms crossed.

“I don’t know why…wait a minute. Was it you texting him while we were at brunch?” you ask.

This, somehow, seems to satisfy her. “Oh, so he’s not telling you who’s texting him.” 

“I didn’t ask, honestly.”

“Well, I don’t see why he’d be ignoring - “

Your brain catches up then. “Hang on. How the fuck did you get his number?” 

Mimi rolls her eyes again with a huff. “Please. You’ve had the same passcode on your phone for ages. I just grabbed it when you left your phone out.” 

“That’s so fucked, Mimi. You can’t just go through my phone or take his number,” you say. 

“You’re no fun anymore,” she says with a whine.

You’re not interested in hearing anything else she has to say because you just want to talk to Mingyu. This is getting insane that she’s going to this amount of trouble just to try to get to him. Yet, it’s also weird he kept it to himself that she was texting him. The two of you have talked a lot about the shit Mimi pulls in order to get close to him. Why is it different now that she’s texting him while he’s out with your friends? Is he starting to get worn out from dealing with the insanity of your family? Every other time he’s been around, it’s been really chill. This time, not so much. 

Up in your room, you don’t initially see Mingyu. You’re not sure what you’re expecting. Maybe him on his phone texting or else complaining to another friend about how this whole trip is going. Or even talking to his sister about getting out to see her instead of staying here. None of that happens, though. Instead, you find him in the bathroom applying a face mask. It’s a little ridiculous and definitely the last thing you expect. But, you also know that it’s a sign he’s carrying some amount of stress. 

That’s the thing about being as close to someone as you are to Mingyu. To most people, he’s got this unfailing streak of energy and kindness. He’s the kind of person that lets himself be bullied by all his friends even though he could definitely take them. It’s all part of making sure everyone is enjoying themselves and most things just roll off his broad shoulders. There are hidden depths to him, too. Sometimes he gets a little worn out because he’ll keep things to himself instead of burdening someone else. He takes so much onto his own plate and you wish he wouldn’t. At least, not always. He’ll go until it feels a little unbearable and then finally speak up. He’ll force a smile even when he doesn’t feel like it just to make sure nobody else realizes anything is wrong. In a way, he folds in on himself a little. But, you’ve been friends for years so you know his tells. Know how to spot the signs. It takes you a little longer this time surrounded by family and some friends. This is one of those signs, though. Taking the time to do a face mask, even if it’s in the middle of the day, to just give him an excuse to be quiet. 

You’re not usually the one to initiate physical contact with him. Not because you don’t want to, he just never really gives you the chance. He’s like a human koala most of the time. With his back to the door and his eyes closed to enjoy the feeling of the mask, he doesn’t even hear you approach. Your hands wind around his waist, hugging him tightly from the back and your head rests between his shoulder blades. For the briefest moment, he tenses and you worry that he’s using this as a break from you. Then, he realizes it’s just you and his entire body relaxes. He puts his hands over yours and sighs softly. After a moment, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough because he turns in your arms and pulls you tight against his chest, wrapping you so tightly in his own arms that you would complain in any other situation. Not now, though. Not when he’s putting himself through all of this just so you don’t have to have a stressful holiday experience. 

When it’s like this, you don’t dream of pulling away from Mingyu. There’s so much that he does for you and it’s so rare that you can do anything for him in return. So, you’ll stay tightly pressed against him as long as he wants. You won’t be the one to break the hug first. If you can take even a little bit of whatever he’s feeling onto your own shoulders, you will. This trip has been so much better than you could have expected in most ways and you’re determined to be more conscious of his needs. Eventually, he does pull away and let you look up into his face. He looks much more at peace than you expect. Maybe your hugs do have healing powers like he always says. Mingyu turns to remove the face mask and wipe his face before turning back to you.

“I’m sorry,” you say softly into the space between you. 

“For what?” he asks. 

“For the whole drama that is my family,” you start. “Mostly, for Mimi, though.” 

“Ah,” he says and his face falls a little.

“Gyu, I would never have put you in this position if I had known she would be like this,” you say earnestly. 

“I don’t think anyone could have guessed she’d pull all this,” he says with a humorless laugh.

“You should’ve told me that she was texting you and bugging you like that,” you say without any accusation. You just want to be able to share in his burden.

He only shrugs. “We were with your friends and you looked so happy. I didn’t want to bring it down. How did you even find out she was texting me?” 

“She told me,” you say with an eye roll. 

“Really?”

“Well, she cornered me and asked why I had you on such a tight leash…”

“Kinky,” he interrupts and it nearly makes you choke. 

“And then, when I asked how she even got your number, she told me she’d gone into my phone and taken it,” you say to avoid thinking too deeply about Mingyu and any kinks he might have. 

“Bold,” he observes. 

“Do you like that?” you ask before you can stop yourself.

The second the question comes out of your mouth, you wish you could take it back. What is going on with your brain today? First you’re losing your train of thought watching Mingyu lick something off his finger. Then, you’re wondering about his kinks. Now, you’re wondering if he likes someone that’s a little bit bold. It’s got to just be the atmosphere that you’re in. Or that you’re pretending to date him. It’s messing with your mind and you’re not responsible for the way you act. 

The worst part is that Mingyu’s entire face changes. He gets that knowing look on his face when he meets your eyes. A little cocky. The look that says he knows just how attractive he can be. It’s not usually directed at you and you’re not really sure what to do now that it is. 

“Sometimes,” he says. “Not necessarily from someone I’m not actually interested in, though.” 

“Good to know.” 

Mingyu arches an eyebrow and okay, that’s devastating. Maybe you’re still a little under the influence of the mimosas. There’s no other explanation for the way your knees go a little weak at such a simple movement. “Is it?”

“Huh?” you ask, shaking your head to clear it.

“You said it was good to know and I asked if it was,” he repeats, smirk only deepening.

“Oh, sure,” you say and he seems momentarily surprised. “You know, so I can tell Mimi.”

You’re actually not entirely sure what makes you say it. It’s not like you would ever want him to consider Mimi. It might actually drive you crazy if he went for her. He gets that look on his face that you’re all too familiar with. Affection mixed with exasperation. Nobody seems to get it more than you.

“Too bad for her that I’m very much not interested,” he says. 

“Shame. I don’t know how I would get over the loss.”

“Luckily you don’t have to because you’re stuck with me.”

“Until you actually have a crush on someone again.” 

Even though you say it, you want to take it back as soon as it comes out of your mouth. Images come rushing into your mind of Mingyu falling in love with someone that actually lasts. Someone that could take your best friend away from you. Which should be what you want, right? You should want him to be happy. And you do.  You just can’t really stand the thought of a life where he’s happy without you being right there by his side. This trip makes you think about a lot more than you bargained for. 

“I do have a crush,” he says softly.

“Oh, of course,” you say and look away from him. That’s fine. This is all fine.

His finger is under your chin the next second to pull your face back around to his. It’s the look of patience that you also see a lot. Especially when he’s trying to teach you something in the kitchen. Or explain something from work. Or really just talk about anything he’s passionate about. 

“The crush is on you, dummy,” he says softly. 

“What?” you ask, not sure you heard him correctly. 

With a shake of his head, he steps back to lean against the bathroom. “Of all the times I pictured telling you this, I never considered telling you in the bathroom attached to your old bedroom at your parents’ house.” 

“We don’t…” you start and he shakes his head again.

“No, this probably fits,” he says with a light laugh. The kind when he’s just a little caught off guard himself. “I thought I wanted to tell you after brunch with your friends and, I don’t know, I could be misreading the whole thing, but I think you’re ready to hear it now too. I like you. I’ve been more than happy just to be your friend because I didn’t want to say something before we were both ready. I’m happy to be here as your friend that’s only pretending to date you because I’d do anything to make life easier for you.”

“Mingyu,” you say, so low it’s barely above a whisper. Like you’re afraid to break the quiet in the limited space between you. 

“You don’t have to say…” he starts, only to be interrupted by a loud knock at your bedroom door. 

Your senses are entirely overwhelmed and you wonder what he sees as you look up at him, eyes wide in wonder. Before this, you would say that your brain could process too many things all at the same time. That it always had a million things going on. Now, you can’t seem to do any of that. Can’t focus on anything other than your beautiful best friend before you and the fact that apparently he has feelings for you. You see his mouth move, assume it’s to answer the knock, and have to shake yourself back to reality. Need to come out of this day dream so that you can react to whoever is at the door. 

“Too bad, lovebirds, you have to come downstairs. Attendance for games and cookie decorating is mandatory on Christmas Eve,” your cousin calls back. 

“Mimi, just…” you start to call out to her and Mingyu shakes his head.

“We’ll be right down!” he cuts across you. He waits, seeming like he’s listening for the sound of Mimi walking away from the door. How he can hear anything over the pounding of your heart seems unthinkable. Somehow, he must hear something because he turns back to you with soft eyes and speaks in an even softer voice. “It’s okay, we can talk tonight after dinner or when we come to bed. There’s no pressure for you to even say anything. Our friendship is the most important thing in the world to me.” 

With that, he gives you a quick peck on the top of the head. Something that’s immediately gentler than anything you’ve experienced with him during the entire course of your friendship. The smile he gives you as he steps around you to lead the way down to interact with your family has you go weak in the knees. Has he ever smiled at you like that before? Or is it a new smile? Once upon a time, you would have said that you had every facial expression of his memorized from years spent in each other’s company. Years spent sharing private jokes, going on adventures, complaining about work and family and everything in between. But maybe, you think, there are still things that you can learn about Mingyu. Maybe there are still things that you can learn from him as well. 

When you don’t immediately follow after him, Mingyu turns around to grab your hand and pull you along with him. There’s something about the way he threads his fingers through yours and squeezes that makes your heart pound again before settling down. His touch is gentle, like it always is, and filled with complete care. You don’t notice the way he glances back at you every few steps. Not with concern, but with curiosity. He would have bet he knew your every facial expression and can’t fully place the way you look now. Somehow, even though he can’t completely tell what you’re thinking, he knows that he made the right decision. Knows it was time to tell you what’s been on his mind. Knows that, no matter what, he’s still going to have his best friend on the other side of this trip.

It’s chaos once you and Mingyu get downstairs, like it always is at your parents’ house on Christmas Eve. Though, this definitely seems a little busier than years past. You’re not sure why that is either, but everyone seems to want to join in on the traditions that your parents cling to. In any case, it’s a good thing for you because it lets you just blend into the group of people without your parents paying entirely too much attention to you. Mingyu uses your hand intertwined with his to pull you into him, the way he has countless other times on this trip, and presses a kiss to your temple. Then, he’s off into the kitchen, throwing a joke at your mom about how he’s here now and she doesn’t need to worry. He looks over his shoulder and winks at you as your mother puts him to work mixing ingredients. You honestly don’t even know how you react in response. It must be okay, though, because he smiles back at you.

You love to decorate the cookies and will happily help make them in other situations, but there are already too many cooks in the kitchen. Instead, you help to set up some of the card tables that your parents keep for times like these. It gives people the chance to figure out what they might want to play and who they want to join them. It really is a nice tradition, no matter how you feel about your parents. And since your mother usually spends more time on baking and decorating the cookies, she doesn’t notice if things get a little too competitive between you and the cousins. Or if your father eggs the rest of you on while he watches. She has her favorite parts and lets everyone else do whatever it is they want to do. As long as everyone takes a break to help with decorating the cookies. Not that it’s ever a concern, that’s most people’s favorite part. 

Once the tables are all set up, you settle into a board game with some of your cousins. Usually, you’re one of the more competitive ones. Board games come pretty easily to you and you pick up on the strategy quickly. If your cousins notice that you’re not nearly as invested this time, they let you have it. And they do notice it, pretty quickly, but let you have it. It’s easy to see you’re distracted and to see that you keep glancing into the kitchen at Mingyu. They just let you have it. It’s in their best interest, anyway. It’s nice to get the chance to win without you being fully committed to beating everyone around you. 

This kind of setting really gives you a chance to think without shutting yourself away in your bedroom. That’s too obvious. You can’t just say that your best friend confessed feelings for you and now you need to figure out what your own feelings are. Not when he’s pretending to be your boyfriend already. Not when your whole family already thinks you’re lying about having just gotten together with him. And not when your mother would probably kill you if you missed out on traditions that may be older than you are. 

All the spiralling in your brain is just cover, you realize, for the bigger picture. Mingyu likes you and he thinks this is the right time to have a conversation about it. He also knows that your friendship is the most important. You agree. He’s one of the most important people in your life, but is he more than that to you too? Is it possible that it’s more than friendship? That’s not something you ever considered. When you and Mingyu met in university it was through someone you were dating at the time. The relationship was, fortunately, very short lived. But the friendship with Mingyu, that was the stuff of stories. That instant connection that survived the breakup. The two of you always joke that your friendship was meant to be and that’s why it lasted when the relationship didn’t. Why others could come and go from your lives but you two are forever. Especially when either of you has dated someone that had an issue with the friendship. It’s insane to think that men and women can’t be friends. A completely archaic way of thinking. 

That makes you think about your friendship with Seungkwan, though. Someone in your life who has also always been a constant. Someone who supports all your rights and your wrongs, even if he gives you a hard time too. And that’s when something else clicks. Your past partners haven’t objected to your friendship with Seungkwan nearly as often as your friendship with Mingyu. It’s not that he’s not attractive, because he definitely is. It can’t be that you’re not as close. Seungkwan has been with you through a lot. It could be that there's been more distance between you and him since you moved away, but you’re not sure that’s it either. He’s a constant in your life even from a distance. When you can’t see him, you regularly FaceTime him. So, no, he’s still present even if he’s not in the same city. 

And then it hits you. You don’t watch Seungkwan lick something off his finger while he’s cooking.  You don’t get jealous of your cousin hitting on him, regardless of what else is going on. You don’t seek out physical affection in the same way. Don’t find yourself looking over at Seungkwan for his reaction to everything going on around you. Don’t want to know his thoughts on something before you make each big decision. Seungkwan is your best friend and he means the world to you, but the thought of him constantly kissing you on the cheek or the temple or forehead or even the back of your hand doesn’t unleash butterflies in your stomach. 

Holy shit. You’re in love with Mingyu. Definitely in way over your head with feelings that should have been obvious to you. It’s impossible to pinpoint when it might have happened or how. Maybe there isn’t a specific time. Maybe it’s something that happens slowly over time. You know that when you first became friends it was only that, a friendship. Someone that you could be yourself around and feel at home with in a very foreign environment. Somewhere along the way, it’s morphed into more. He really is the person you want to share all your news with, the person that you look to for support first. It’s so clear to you that your feelings are there now that he’s confessed and gotten you thinking about it. When you meet his eyes across the room, you wonder if he can see the realization on your face. 

Now that you realize that you also have feelings for Mingyu, you’re not sure how you missed it before. If you consider the traits you’re looking for in a partner, he ticks off every box. And if you’re being completely honest, he’s been the reason for adding some traits to your list. So, not that you’ll admit this to any of your most recent exes, but maybe they had a point when they questioned your relationship with Mingyu. Not a big point. They still had shitty reasons for disliking Mingyu, but a small point nonetheless. 

The rest of the evening seems to go by entirely too slowly, even if you do enjoy yourself. Much to the dismay of your cousins, you’re no longer distracted and you proceed to kick their asses at any game they suggest. You do go a little easier on them than normal, though, and avoid any of the trash talk. Thankfully Seungkwan isn’t there to point out that being in a good mood makes you soft. Even decorating the cookies is more fun than you can remember. You try not to think about whether that’s because Mingyu sits right next to you the whole time, trying to sabotage your cookie designs or make you laugh with his own. Spoiler alert: it absolutely is and you’re already down horrendous. It’s even easier to act like a cute couple in love now than it was before. And you also ignore the realization that it being so easy to pretend to be in a relationship with your best friend should have also been an indicator. Nobody ever said you were the most observant when it came to your own feelings. 

Finally, you get a free moment to go upstairs. It’s time to get changed for Christmas Eve dinner and that gives you both the chance to excuse yourselves. The only person who seems to be tracking the movement with some amount of interest is Mimi. You’re too caught up in reaching out for Mingyu’s hand to notice, though. His smile at the action is immediately familiar and new. Familiar because you know his face better than your own and new because you didn’t expect to see him looking at you like that.

“I didn’t expect your mom to have me working so hard in the kitchen helping with the cookie dough,” he says once you close the door. 

“Oh, I did,” you say through a snort. 

“How was the - “ 

“You were right.” 

You both go to speak at the same time and Mingyu’s mouth closes the second he realizes what you said. Whatever he wants to ask dies on his tongue over three words from your mouth. They might just be the second best three words you could say to him right then. 

“About?” he prompts. 

“It was the right time to tell me,” you confirm for him. It’s clear that he’s biting his tongue to let you say whatever you need to. Even if he knows by the look on your face. “I like you too.” 

“Thank fucking god,” he says with an exhale. “When Seungkwan told me that I should tell you because he caught you watching me, I thought he was being a shit and…”

“Wait, what?” you ask. Fucking Seungkwan. Of course.

“Oh, yeah, at brunch earlier he said that he noticed you watching me while I was cooking and that if I liked you like he thought I did, that I should probably tell you,” he says a little sheepishly. 

“You know what? Forget Seungkwan. I need to see something,” you say and close the space between you. 

Before Mingyu can ask anything, you’re on your tiptoes, hands cupping his face and lips pressed to his. He wraps his arms around your lower back to pull you tighter against his body without missing a beat. And that really is all you need to know. Everything is in that first real kiss. Any lingering hesitations slip away. You can feel his promises and the answers to the questions you know you’ll have to actually ask in that kiss. For now, it just feels like coming home. Like you found the person that can get through all the bullshit and remind you about what’s actually important in life. 

“Wow,” you say when you pull away.

“Yeah,” he agrees. 

“Is that what I’ve been missing out on?” you wonder.

“Just how long have you liked me?” he says with an all too knowing smirk. 

“I only realized today so I’ve got some catch up to do,” you joke. 

“We both do, I think,” he says. 

Without having to say a word, both of you get ready for Christmas dinner since your mother insists that you get dressed up. Every few seconds one of you seems to catch the other looking. It feels exciting, but you’re also a little shy. There’s a lot to talk about and a lot to navigate. You know you can’t put it aside. It just doesn’t feel as time sensitive now. This is one of the most important people in your life and it’s going to work out. At least, if you can get through the whole drawn out affair that is dinner first. 

Which you do. Through all your mother’s courses and all the formality that she insists on following, you have Mingyu by your side. You’re not even distracted by Mimi on the other side of the table. She can’t seem to take her eyes off you while you and Mingyu can’t take your eyes off each other. More than once, you entirely miss a question and Mingyu has to nudge you to prompt you. It’s not your fault, you reason. He’s just so insanely attractive and made all the more so because you know that he’s a genuinely wonderful person. 

Every part of you wants to skip the after dinner drinks and go back upstairs with Mingyu, but he quietly insists that you should stay. Even laughs when you turn his signature pout back around on him. If he makes a good point that you have nothing but time, you still want to take advantage of some of that time right now. Instead, you sip on your rumchata and curl into Mingyu on the oversized armchair by the fire. Despite trying to leave a little bit of space, you’re basically sitting on his lap at his own insistence. 

Once the first people start to call it a night, you look at Mingyu with nearly pleading eyes. That gets a light laugh out of him as he nods to agree that you can go upstairs to your bedroom. You say your goodnights to everyone in the room, wish people a Happy Christmas Eve, and lead the way back up to your room even though he doesn’t need the directions 

It’s nice to have uninterrupted time to figure everything out with Mingyu now that your feelings are out in the open. And once you’re both changed and through your skincare routines, you get into bed just to talk. It’s remarkable how much can fall into place so easily. It’s obvious that he figured out his feelings first. You insist that yours are already just as strong. The two of you depend on each other in everything without realizing it. Turn to each other for support. Share in all the best news. Suffer through any heartbreak together. In the years of friendship, there’s something deeper than either of you ever expected.

Honestly, it’s not even something either of you just held onto or harbored for years. The feelings really came suddenly. Mingyu shares that he wasn’t just waiting around to tell you that he had feelings for you. He also shares, though you already know, that no part of him felt entitled to your returned feelings. Had Seungkwan not said something, he’s not even sure if or when he would have said something. The last thing he would ever want was to make you uncomfortable. As much as he cares about you and wants to explore the relationship, you’re also the best friend he’s ever had. You feel the same. It’s a little scary and exciting at the same time. You trust Mingyu with your heart in a way that you’ve never trusted anyone else.

It’s entirely too late into the night by the time you and Mingyu fall asleep. How the two of you have so much to say at this point in the friendship is something to be studied. But, eventually you drift off, completely intertwined with Mingyu. He’s been a cuddler this whole trip and you’re not sure how he’s gotten himself even more attached to you. Yet, he does. It’s like any space between you would be too much. It’s too much satisfaction to give him that he’s right. He can tell anyway. 

When you wake up, it feels too early. A fact only confirmed when you check your phone. None of the little cousins or your cousins with kids are staying at your parents’ house. So, you know that it doesn’t have to be an early start to the morning. You consider if you can drift off back to sleep. In the night, you ended up with Mingyu spooning you. His arm is loosely draped over you and your back is pressed somewhat lightly into his chest. When you go to adjust to think about drifting back off, your ass brushes against his hips, you feel something press into you. That stops you for a moment. Obviously, you and Mingyu talked about sex the night before. About how you wanted to try to take it a little slower since this means so much to both of you. And obviously you know that it’s relatively common for a guy to wake up a little hard. Your brain knows all those things. Knows what you should do. You should just reposition and go back to sleep. 

That’s not what you actually do though. 

So carefully that it could be an accident, you wiggle against him, a little harder this time. You yawn like you’re actually just adjusting to get comfortable and fall back asleep. He might let you get away with it, too, if you didn’t do it more than once, pressing further back into him each time. You know he’s awake by the sharp intake of breath and then the way he moves his hand to grip your thigh. The way his fingertips dig into your skin there makes you grind back harder without pretending it’s anything else. 

Mingyu puts his lips to your ear. “Are you trying to drive me crazy?” 

“No,” you whisper. 

“I thought we said we were going to take it slow,” he says with incredible difficulty.

“I can move slower,” you answer immediately. It feels gratifying when he snaps his hips into your ass. 

“You’re teasing me,” he whines.

“Not if I follow through,” you say. “I want you, Mingyu. I don’t want to wait.” 

“Fuck,” he hisses as you continue to grind into him. “I want you to.” 

“Then…” you start and immediately cut off as his hand winds back around to your front. He grabs your pussy through your shorts that suddenly feel too flimsy. Runs his long middle finger up your core and you immediately know you started something that he’s going to finish. 

But his hand is gone entirely too quickly. Worse still, he pulls back. It’s only long enough for him to turn you towards him and then pull you on top of him. Your brain catches back up once you’re straddle over him and he pulls your face towards him. You kiss him like you haven’t yet. Full of desire and desperation. Nothing like the first few kisses you share. Those kisses were to make sure this was right. This kiss is to ruin him. Maybe to ruin yourself as well. His hands are on your hips, anchoring you to him, not that there’s anywhere else you could possibly be. 

It’s never been like this with anyone. Just some heavy kissing and you’re already getting turned on. Already wondering what’s next. What it’s going to feel like. If Mingyu is the type of person that will take his time with you. It’s hard to imagine when he seems just as desperate as you are. At least, he tries to anchor you in a certain position so that you can’t grind too much. Maybe he does want to savor it. You really are down horrendous for this man because you think you could just kiss him like this forever and never quite get enough. 

All too soon, Mingyu rolls the pair of you over again. Now he’s hovering over you and nobody has any business being that hot. And then he pulls back, somewhat straddling your legs without putting too much weight on you. In one movement, he pulls his shirt over his head and casts it aside. Okay, now you really think that nobody has any business being that hot. And sure, you’ve seen him shirtless before. This is just different. You don’t even realize as he’s reaching for your shirt until you feel his fingers brush the skin of your stomach. He’s looking for permission, but you’re a little impatient and pull the shirt off yourself. You’re not sure that anyone has ever looked at your body with so much love. Like he’s just as amazed as you are. He peppers your chest and your chest and your stomach with kisses. Showing you just how much he loves every bit of you. It’s the safest feeling in the world and you’re not really sure how you got this lucky. 

Mingyu is so gentle when he pulls your shorts off. Trails kisses along your thighs as well and makes you shiver. Chuckles when he pulls his own off and you swallow at the sight of him. He’s a big guy and somehow you’re still not expecting his dick to be big like it is. Haven’t ever really thought about it in all the time you’ve been friends. You expect him to be all confident seeing your reaction. There’s something else there too, though. Like he’s a little nervous about this. You’re not really sure what to say to reassure him, so you just pull him back to you to kiss him again. He adjusts into you almost immediately, half laying on top of you while still making sure that he’s not crushing you.

This time kissing him is very different, though. He moves one hand between your legs. It’s gentle at first. He only runs his finger up your center a few times. Catches each moan with his kisses. Slowly works a finger inside you and pumps at a languid pace. It turns you into a whiny, squirming mess entirely too quickly. Empties any thoughts or worries out of your head. You know you can’t be too loud and you hate it. Nobody should be able to kiss this well while also hitting the perfect spot with each pass of his fingers. He adds a second finger and you’re sure that you’re done for. Sure that nothing else will ever feel as perfect as him again. You reach to stroke him and he pulls back. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, unable to hide the concern in your voice.

“No, nothing,” he assures you quickly. “I just, um, well I really want to fuck you and I’m not sure I could handle it if…”

“Do you have a condom?” you ask, already ready to say it doesn’t matter if you have to.

“I might?” he says more like a question and gets off the bed to cross to his bag with too much speed. In any other situation you might laugh. Now, you just want to feel him. A moment later, after rifling through his bag, he comes back up with one. 

He’s moving back to you, unwrapping the condom, and then he looks up at you. There’s a question in his eyes.

“Yes, Mingyu, I want this. And yes, I want it here,” you assure him. 

Thankfully, that’s the only confirmation he needs. In the next second, he’s pumping himself a few times and rolling the rubber onto himself. You move to reposition, but he doesn’t let you. He gently presses you back and gets between your legs. Carefully, he lines himself up and presses in. 

“Oh fuck,” you hiss out, trying to stay quiet. 

“Too much?” he asks and stills.

“No, Gyu, just move, please,” you whine out, pulling him into you. 

He does exactly what you ask and snaps his hips so he’s fully buried inside you. It’s a stretch in the best way. Like this is exactly how it’s supposed to be. You can’t help it, you moan out the first time he thrusts and he catches the second moan with another bruising kiss. Probably better to have bruised lips than to have your family hear the screams you let out as he fucks you. Probably better than having them hear his moans as well. They vibrate through his chest and it gives you a sense of pride. Mingyu is a taker in every sense of his life. You know that it must be killing him to keep quiet now. 

The two of you fall into a perfect rhythm without even trying. There’s nothing awkward about it being your first time. Knowing each other as well as you do as friends seems to translate here. Or maybe Mingyu just pays much closer attention to you than you realize. You run your nails down his back and his thrusts stutter so you do it again. That seems to get to him. He picks up the paces of his thrusts. Pulls his dick almost all the way out of you before quickly snapping his hips to bury himself in your pussy again. Never in your life has sex as simple as this position felt so good. Never has anyone you’ve dated felt this perfect. 

When Mingyu’s thrusts start to stutter, you reach down between your bodies to rub your clit. Seconds later, your pussy clenches around Mingyu and your vision whites out. You can feel Mingyu release and try to pick up the pace to work him through his own orgasm. He half collapses on you, breathing heavy. Both of you have to catch your breath from all the kisses to muffle the noises as well. He tries to roll over so that he’s not on top of you and you cling to him, not ready to lose contact just yet.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assures you.

“I know.” 

“That was…” 

“Better than I was expecting.” 

You can feel his eyes on you even without looking and it makes you smile. Can imagine what he’s about to say before he even opens his mouth.

“Oh, you didn’t think I’d be any good?” 

You laugh at that as you turn to face him. “No, I thought you’d be good. I just didn’t expect our first time where we had to be quiet because we’re in my parents house to be that good.” 

He considers your words for a second.

“I guess I can take that,” he concedes. 

“Come on. We have to clean up and get downstairs,” you say and he sighs dramatically. But, then he gets up and helps you up with him. 

Half an hour later, you’re downstairs at the kitchen table sipping on a peppermint mocha latte and picking out your favorite pastries from the spread your mother has out. Mingyu has his chair pulled close to you and his arm along the back of your chair. Your cousin is sitting on your other side, cheerily humming under her breath. In a strange move, she isn’t even trying to speak to Mingyu. Just as you’re trying to figure out what’s going on with her, she turns to you.

“Have a good morning?” she asks knowingly.

“We’ll talk about it later,” you hiss back, casting your eyes around. 

“No need,” she waves off and shoots a smirk at you. “I got exactly what I wanted.” 

“I don’t…” 

“Seungkwan and I have been talking a lot. Plotting, I guess you could say. Seems like it finally paid off,” she says and your jaw hangs open. 

“Are you…did you just…” you stutter out. 

“As long as it’s real now,” she says and doesn’t wait for confirmation. Doesn’t need it, when it’s written all over your face. “We can talk about it later but I am sorry.” 

“You and fucking Seungkwan,” you grumble. 

It is a weight off your chest, though. Mimi has always been your favorite. A safe space in all the insanity of your family. It’s good to know that she’s still that for you. The two of you can argue about her methods, or her alliance with Seungkwan, later. It’s hard to ignore that it did actually help. You’re in this place because some of your favorite people meddled to help you and Mingyu see sense. Maybe you can say all is well that ends well. 

In between all the chaos of breakfast and making sure the presents are under the tree, you manage to tell Mingyu about what Mimi had really been up to. He seems relieved. Not even annoyed, just happy that things can settle into whatever the new normal looks like for you and him. You also find time to whisper all the things you want to do to him when there aren’t prying eyes around. It may be cruel, but you delight in the way the blush rises up his cheeks and the way he shifts in his seat. You’re going to have a lot of fun playing with him, you already know. He’s so easy to rile up. Now you have brand new material to use on him. 

Your mother works to corral everyone into the living room where the Christmas tree is so that people can start opening presents. You always hold back and watch at first. Don’t even make an effort to find anything that might be for you. It’s more fun to see people’s reactions. Does your mother like what your father picked out? Are your cousins humoring their parents? Did someone manage to get something that’s genuinely a surprise? There’s never a dull moment. In fact, you’re so lost in thought watching that you don't notice wasn’t beside you until he plops back down and nudges you. Hands a small, beautifully wrapped box over to you. 

“Go on, open it,” he urges you softly. It’s clear he’s trying not to draw too much attention. 

Exchanging gifts with Mingyu isn’t new. It’s something you do every year. This is unexpected though. Usually you exchange gifts away from other people because they can be a little silly. Nothing about this feels silly, though. With a final questioning glance at him, you pull the ribbon off and carefully ripping the paper. It’s immediately clear that it’s a jewelry box. That makes your heart hammer. You can’t even look over at him. Surely this is something he had already. It’s not like there’s been any time to go out and get something in the midst of all your confessions. 

There’s a necklace inside the box. Something that looks old, important. The kind of thing you can tell has been well worn and loved without looking cheap. There’s a pendant hanging from the chain with your favorite stone in a setting that you instantly love. It’s the most perfect gift that anyone has ever given you and it makes you a little emotional. You turn to Mingyu, tears welling in your eyes, and want to have the moment just for the two of you. Unfortunately, your mother and several other family members watch your reaction.

“It’s beautiful,” you say softly.

“Do you like it?” he asks, still unsure.

“I love it,” you say earnestly.

“It was my grandmother’s that she got from her grandmother before her. She told me to hold onto it and that I would just know when I should give it to someone,” he says and that does you in. Any last resolve disappears. 

The only response you can think of is to just kiss him. A real kiss pressed to his lips full of all the words you can’t say about how much a present like this means to you. How sure you are that you two are making the right decision. It’s so meaningful. 

“I love you,” he says quietly, trying to keep it just for the two of you. Which doesn’t happen. Not that it matters. Your parents have heard you saying you loved each other this whole trip. It means something different now, though.

“I love you, too,” you say back. “So much.” 

“It’s a beautiful necklace,” your mother offers as Mingyu helps you to put it on. 

“I thought it would look good on her,” he adds to your mother. 

“Almost as good as a ring,” your mother says. It’s the least subtle comment in the entire world.

Mingyu doesn’t miss a beat. Just smiles and nods a little. “Well, maybe you’ll have to invite me back next year and see what the gift is.” 

“You have a deal.” 

For the first time, you’re not upset with your mother for bringing up marriage and the idea of settling down. You’re just basking in the affection coming from Mingyu and appreciating your new necklace. Soon, you’ll have to leave this little bubble. Trade the idyllic snow covered scenery where everything moves a little slower for your life back in the city. But, you’ll be taking a different relationship with Mingyu back. You think that maybe he’ll be the key to you finally figuring out how to balance it all. Maybe he’s been the answer all along. 

[hxxsxxng]

Past Wounds, Present Hearts P.SH

「Pairing」 : exbully!sunghoon x fem!reader

「Word Count」 : 10.5k

「Genre」 : smut, angst, somewhat fluff, college au

「Summary」 : you have felt resentment for sunghoon ever since the hell he put you through in middle school. now you find out he goes to your university.... and he's kinda hot?

「Warnings」 : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!! mentions of bullying, lower quality of life due to bullying, self doubt, mentions of drinking alcohol, implied intoxication in some scenes, college parties, sunghoon calls reader petnames, kissing, sharing a bed, nipple play, fingering, titty sucking, handjob, sunghoon turns out to be a sweetheart, cum eating, falling asleep together, and more

「Authors Note」 : i originally intended for the story to have a different ending but i changed my mind half way though and it would have been too fast paced for the word count given, i will definitely make a part two if enough people ask! not proofread

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I hate him. The smug look on his face when I walk pass him in the main campus hall. All of the girls clawing on to his shoulder, begging for his attention without knowing what fucking loser he is. The way all of the professors are so impressed with him for doing practically nothing in class. Getting a full ride scholarship for basketball to this school. I have grown sick of it.

Park Sunghoon. The name still twists my stomach after all these years. Middle school was when my hatred started for Him. He was my middle school bully. Always teasing me in front of the whole class, or making comments behind my back. What hurts the most is that he doesn’t seem to care that he used to act this way, or maybe he thinks I have forgotten. The truth is, I will never forget. It sits at the back of my mind all of the time. The people who know me from middle school still view me as this ‘disgusting’ girl who was unlikeable, because of the things that Sunghoon would do to me.

It took years for me to build myself back up, so when I saw that he was planning on going to the same university as me last fall, I was more than worried. But this wasn’t middle school anymore. I can’t let him get away with treating me like an outcast who doesn’t deserve friends.First semester of university is always scary, I was always afraid to come out my shell and meet new people. I wanted to stay on top of acedemics. My best friend Yuqi was the complete opposite. Any opportunity she got to go out and party, she would be there. And, she would surprisingly maintain decent grades as well. Now that I think about it, I have never been a party goer, not even in highschool. Then again, there weren’t too many parties that either sounded interesting, or that I was invited to.

“Kappa Alpha is having a party this Friday, you in?” Yuqi suggested. She always gets the same response. “No, you already know I can’t, we have finals next week” I shrugged. “But Kappaaaaaa!” Yuqi whined, her voice getting higher every passing second. We were walking down the hallway towards our classes. A few students looked over, but quickly decided that they didn’t want to look any further. “I hear that Kappa Alpha has the best Christmas parties every year. You have to come” Yuqi insisted, grabbing onto my arm. I rolled my eyes. “Yuqi… You don’t actually think I’m going to attend one of their parties?” Yuqi gave me a confused stare, trying to read through my expression. “Why not?” “Sunghoon is in that frat, I’m pretty sure he lives in the frat house as well. You would catch me dead before seeing me step foot into that trashy hell hole” I explained, crossing my arm defensively. She knows how he treated me in middle school, she was there to witness it.

“What? He can’t be, out of all the parties I have gone to there, I have not seen him a singular time” Yuqi said with her eyebrows furrowed, putting emphasis into each word.. I tried to tell her that yes, he is the type of guy to hide out in the frat house and not attend, but she had no idea. After some debate, she eventually gave up asking me.

That night, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling fan as it spun lazily above me. Yuqi's words echoed in my mind, mixing with memories I'd rather forget. The Christmas lights strung across my dorm room cast a soft glow, but they did little to brighten my mood.

I rolled onto my side, hugging my pillow close. Why did Sunghoon have to be here, at my university, in my space? It wasn't fair. I'd worked so hard to leave that part of my life behind, to become someone new. Someone stronger.

But was I really stronger if I was still letting him dictate my choices? I grabbed my phone, thumb hovering over Yuqi's contact. She was probably out somewhere, living it up like she always did. I envied her sometimes, her ability to just… exist without all this baggage.

"Maybe I should go," I whispered to the empty room. The words felt foreign on my tongue. Me? At a Kappa Alpha party? It was absurd.

I sat up, running a hand through my messy hair. Yuqi would be ecstatic if I went. And isn't that what college is supposed to be about? New experiences, stepping out of your comfort zone?

But then I imagined walking into that frat house, the pulsing music, the crowded rooms. And somewhere in there, Sunghoon. Everybody loving him not knowing the kind of cruel person he is on the inside. My stomach clenched at the thought.

"This is stupid," I muttered, flopping back onto my bed. "I don't need to prove anything to anyone."

But even as I thought it, I knew it wasn't true. I did need to prove something - to myself. That I could face my past, that I could exist in the same space as Sunghoon without falling apart.

I picked up my phone again, this time opening my messages to Yuqi. "Hey," I typed, then paused. Was I really doing this? My finger hovered over the send button as doubt crept in. But then I thought of Yuqi's excited face, of the possibility of actually enjoying myself for once.

Before I could change my mind, I quickly typed out the rest of the message and hit send. "Hey. About that Kappa Alpha party… I think I might go after all." I set my phone down, my heart racing. What had I just agreed to?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Yuqi didn’t see my message until the morning, but I can only imagine her physical reaction after reading her written one. “Really???? I never thought this day would come. I promise you will love it!!!” my screen read. Her overuse of punctuation was telling enough about she felt. It was Friday morning, meaning that the party was going to be later in tonight. If I plan my time correctly, we can leave my dorm around 8pm, and I would have had all of the studying done that at I needed to do for the night.

I couldn’t help feeling nervous at the thought of attending a party with Sunghoon, but I decided that this may be the perfect chance to get to know him better. Okay, not ‘get to know him better’ but maybe this could finally give him a chance to clear the air between us, to apologize properly for everything that he did to me. But the chances of him apologizing are slim to none. When I see him in campus he seems to be the snobby type, unable to admit that they are wrong. Trust me, I have heard the stories going around campus.

I spent the rest of the day in a fog, my mind drifting between lectures and study sessions. The impending party loomed over me, a mix of dread and nervous anticipation.

By the time I returned to my dorm, the sun was already setting. I sat at my desk, attempting to review my notes, but the words blurred together. My phone buzzed - another excited text from Yuqi about outfit choices. I sighed, closing my textbook. There was no point in pretending to study anymore.

~~~~~

At 7:00, a knock at my door announced Yuqi's arrival. She entered with her usual whirlwind energy, arms full of clothes and makeup. "Okay," she said, dumping everything onto my bed. "Let's make you look amazing."

I eyed the pile warily. "Yuqi, I'm not trying to impress anyone. Especially not Sunghoon." She paused, giving me a soft look. "This isn't about him. It's about you feeling good about yourself. Now, let's start with this sweater."

For the next half hour, we sifted through outfits. Yuqi was patient, letting me veto anything too revealing or flashy. We finally settled on a soft, cropped sweater and high-waisted jeans - comfortable, but still party-appropriate.

As I changed, Yuqi chatted about her day, her excitement for the party. Her casual banter helped ease my nerves, reminding me why I'd agreed to this in the first place. This was about spending time with my best friend, not about Sunghoon.

We left my dorm at 8:15, the cool night air a welcome relief for my flushed cheeks. The walk to the frat house was short, but with each step, the butterflies in my stomach intensified. Music pulsed in the distance, growing louder as we approached.

Outside the house, we paused. Yuqi squeezed my hand. "You okay?" she asked, her voice gentle.

I took a deep breath, nodding. "Yeah. Let's do this."

We stepped inside, and I was immediately overwhelmed. The air was thick with the smell of alcohol and too many bodies in too small a space. Yuqi leaned close, "I'm going to get us some drinks. Will you be okay for a minute?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. As she disappeared into the crowd, I stood there, taking in my surroundings. Groups of people clustered around, laughing and dancing. I recognized a few faces from classes, but no one I knew well.

And then, across the room, I saw him. Sunghoon, leaning against a wall, surrounded by his usual admirers. He was laughing at something someone said, his head thrown back. For a moment, I was transported back to middle school, hearing that laugh directed at me, mocking and cruel.

Our eyes met for a brief second, and I swear I saw something flicker in his expression. Surprise? Recognition? But before I could process it, someone bumped into me, breaking the moment.

I turned away, my heart pounding. What was I doing here? This was a mistake. I was about to head for the door when Yuqi reappeared, pressing a red cup into my hand.

"Here," she said with a smile. "It'll help you relax." I took a small sip, the unfamiliar burn of alcohol hitting the back of my throat. As we stood there, Yuqi chatting animatedly about the people around us, I felt myself slowly start to unwind. Maybe agreeing to come here wasn’t too bad of an idea.I was just starting to relax, the music and Yuqi's chatter creating a comfortable bubble around us, when I saw him approaching. Sunghoon, weaving through the crowd, his eyes fixed on... us? No, it couldn't be. But it was.

He stopped right in front of us, that infuriatingly perfect smile plastered on his face. "Hey, Yuqi," he said, his voice smooth as ever. Then his eyes slid to me. "And Y/N,… it's been a while, hasn't it?" I felt my body tense, my grip tightening on the red cup in my hand. Yuqi glanced between us, her eyes wide with surprise and a hint of concern. "Sunghoon," I managed to say, my voice coming out colder than I'd intended. But then again, why should I care? He seemed unfazed by my tone. "I didn't expect to see you here. You're not usually the party type, right?" The casual way he said it, as if he knew me, as if we were old friends catching up, made my blood boil. How dare he act so nonchalant after everything? "People change," I replied curtly. "Not that you'd know anything about that." I avoided eye contact. I saw Yuqi wince beside me, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Sunghoon's smile faltered for a moment, a flicker of... something passing across his face. Confusion? Hurt? Good.

"Right," he said, recovering quickly. Looking down at the ground with a half smile, he takes ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​my snarky response as a que to leave. “I’ll see you around, (Y/N)” he scoffs and walks away.

“He is such an asshole” Yuqi complains, rubbing my back as a way to try to comfort me. “You responded well” I watched Sunghoon's tall, muscular figure get lost in the crowd, a mix of emotions swirling inside me. Part of me felt satisfied with how I'd handled the encounter, but another part felt... unsettled. I took a long swig from my cup, hoping the alcohol would dull the conflicting feelings. "Thanks," I mumbled to Yuqi, grateful for her support. She gave me a reassuring smile, but I could see the concern in her eyes. "Do you want to leave? We can if you're not comfortable." I considered it for a moment. The idea of going back to my dorm, burying myself in my blankets and pretending this night never happened, was tempting. But then I thought about how that's exactly what the old me would have done. The me that let Sunghoon's actions dictate her life.

"No," I said, surprising myself with the firmness in my voice. "I'm not leaving. I have just as much right to be here as he does." Yuqi's face broke into a wide grin. "That's my girl!" she cheered, linking her arm through mine. "Let's mingle a bit, shall we?" As we made our way through the crowded room, I couldn't help but notice Sunghoon's gaze following us. Every time I glanced in his direction, he looked away, but not before I caught a flicker of... something in his eyes. It wasn't the cruel amusement I remembered from our school days. It was something else, something I couldn't quite place.

Yuqi introduced me to a few of her friends, and I found myself actually enjoying the conversations. It felt... normal. Like maybe I could do this whole college social scene thing after all. But then, over someone's shoulder, I saw Sunghoon again. He was looking right at us, his expression unreadable. Our eyes met for a brief moment, and I felt a jolt of... something. Before I could analyze it further, he quickly averted his gaze, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. Wait, was Sunghoon blushing? I shook off the thought. It was probably just the alcohol playing tricks on my mind.

As the night wore on, I found myself relaxing more and more. The alcohol helped, but it was more than that. Every minute I spent here, laughing with Yuqi and her friends, was a minute I was reclaiming for myself. Yet, I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. Every so often, I'd catch Sunghoon looking in my direction. But it wasn't the mocking stare I was used to. There was something almost... wistful about it. Once, when our eyes met, he even offered a small, hesitant smile before quickly turning the other way. I don’t understand why he is trying to smile at me. It was confusing, to say the least. This wasn't the Sunghoon I remember. The Sunghoon who had made my life miserable. This Sunghoon seemed... different. Unsure. Almost vulnerable. As Yuqi and I were preparing to leave, I excused myself to use the bathroom. On my way back, I quite literally bumped into Sunghoon in the hallway. "Oh, sorry," he mumbled, steadying me with a hand on my arm. The touch sent an unexpected jolt through me. "You okay?" I nodded, unsureness in my voice. We stood there for a moment, an awkward silence stretching between us. "Listen, Y/N," he started, then paused, running a hand through his jet black hair. "I... I'm glad you came tonight. It was good to see you."

Before I could respond, he quickly walked away, leaving me standing there, completely baffled. It wasn't until much later, as Yuqi and I were stumbling back to our dorms, arms linked and giggling about nothing in particular, that I realized something. For the first time in years, I'd spent an entire evening in the same space as Sunghoon without letting it ruin my night. And more than that, I was left with the strangest feeling that maybe there was more to Sunghoon than I'd allowed myself to see. As I collapsed onto my bed, exhausted but oddly content, I couldn't help but feel like something had shifted. I wasn't naive enough to think one party had erased years of hurt and resentment. But maybe it was a start.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

~~~~~

The next morning I woke up disoriented, borderline hungover. Roll over to the side to check the time on my phone. 11:09AM? It honestly felt like I slept for three days with how many drinks I consumed. I look further down the screen to see the notifications:

1:18 AM: @prksnghn02 started following you!

1:19 AM: @prksnghn02 Liked your post!

I must have fallen asleep to quickly too see this last night, but that was definitely right after we left the party.

I scroll through the conversation, smiling slightly at the messages

2:11 AM: @prksnghn02 Hey! You still here?

2:11 AM: @prksnghn02 I get it if you don’t want to speak to me.

Why was he messaging me. What gives him the right? I igonore the message and delete the message request. All that before my thumb hesitantly hovered over the follow button on his profile, eventually turning it grey. I spent the weekend as usual, going to my job at night and studying in the mornings. Though I had the awkward interaction with Sunghoon at one party, I think that I could see myself going with Yuqi to another party some time. Not soon though because finals start on Monday and I have to pass to keep my financial aid. That’s another thing that pisses me off. I work day and night to pay for my schooling by myself, and Sunghoon gets it all handed to him for being okay at basketball. He teased me for growing up less wealthy than him, but if he were in my shoes, he wouldn’t have thought it was so funny.

Monday morning I was walking through the main hall on campus, where they have to coffee shop that I occasionally stop by. Of course this time when I went, Sunghoon was standing at the bookstore across the walk way, talking to his girl-toys. It took everything in me to not make things awkward by looking in his direction, but for the split second I looked that way, he was already eyeing me down. I pretended to not notice, continuing into the coffee shop line as I would do normally. The line was fairly short. I looked down at my phone to distract myself until it was my turn to order. “I am sorry (Y/N)” a familiar voice says behind me, him lightly grazing my shoulder.

My eyes immediately snap to the owner of the voice. His brown eyes were staring directly into mine as if he could tell exactly what I was thinking just by looking at me. And I know he can. ‘Hey’ he seems to say, flashing me the smallest of smirks as his hand rests on the counter to my left. I scoff in disbelief. He really is serious now isn’t he. I try to ignore him and continue with my order, but Sunghoon stops me in my tracks. My heart starts hammering harder in my chest as I glance around to make sure no one overheard. “Hey (Y/N),” he repeats, giving me his infamous smirk. “I really am sorry” he continues. He’s watching me with a curious tilt to his head as he waits for my response.

“Can I buy you a drink? Maybe we can talk some more?” For a fraction of a moment, it’s hard to believe what’s happening.

“Whatever you are trying to do, I don’t want any part of it” I said sternly, trying to shoo him away. I know he could see the annoyance on my face but that wasn’t enough to get him to leave. “Please, I want to make things right” he begged with a hint of charm in his voice. He reaches out to hold my wrist but this time instead of swatting him away, I let him. If anyone deserves an apology it should be me. He takes a step closer to me, tilting his head slightly. “Fine I guess, but do not expect to get anything out of me” I agreed hesitantly. His facial expression completely changed from worried to… relieved? We ordered together in line while I tried my best to ignore him. His scent was a distraction. It was captivating. It was comparable to mohagany and mint. Admittedly, he is tall and handsome, even when we were in middle school he had always been cute. But I would never say that out loud. Eventually, his named was called and we both went up to grab our drinks. “Thank you Sunghoon” I said while looking down, trying to get out of the situation as soon a possible. “Wait” he says before I get to far away. “I will text you” he added. I half way smiled and walked away.

~~~~~

At lunch, I found myself leaning against Yuqi as we sat at one of our tables outside. “How do you feel?” she asked. “Better” I admitted. “It’ll take some getting used to, but I think I’m doing better” She nodded, seemingly satisfied by my reply.

“Yuqi?” I spoke again once I had my full attention back on her. She turned her attention towards me expectantly.

“Why don’t you give him another chance?” she sighed, rolling her neck around. “I mean, he seems like he is genuinely trying to make it up to you.”

“Yes he is putting in the effort now, but the pain that he put me through doesn’t just go away in an instant, it will take time for me to trust him”

“I understand” she muttered.

~~~~~

A few days had passed but I had never received a message from Sunghoon. Maybe he forgot or maybe he was scared…. I don’t know. But I can’t help but to think that I was maybe looking forward to that message. Yuqi was right, maybe he does deserve another chance. The library was my number one studying location. It was quiet, I could focus, and nobody bothers me. I actually have some time to myself. I have tested out every study area here and the to floor is by far my favorite. I press the 5 on the elevator control pad, and as the doors start closing, someone’s hand is placed between the doors, causing them to shoot back open. It was Sunghoon. I awkwardly scoot to the edge of the confined space to make sure there was more than enough room between us. His eyes light up when he realizes I was the one in the elevator.

“Would it be a problem if I rode with you?” he asked hesitatingly with an awkward smile.

“No, why would there be a problem?” I replied quickly. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds after my answer, and then I heard the elevator ding and the doors slowly start closing again. God, being around him gave me mixed emotions. His aura is so captivating, but his personality is the opposite. And not to mention that mohagany scent again. We rode to the fifth floor in total silence and exited the elevator once it stopped. When we both made way out of the elevator to walk our own directions, He gently grazed my shoulder and said “Good luck with finals” and walked the other direction.

-

Later that same evening while I was still on the library, my phone pinged with a new notification.

prksnghn02: Hey are you available?

prksnghn02: I know I said I was sorry but I really want you to know how I feel. I can’t do it over text.

I think this is the message that I have been waiting to see. I would appreciate to see him and have him fully apologize, though I don’t think this is the right time. It’s the middle of finals week and lord knows I am already struggling as is. I look up from my phone, observing my surroundings, and spot Sunghoon across the almost empty room lounging on a library bean-bag. Alone. That’s a first considering his royalty equivalent status on campus. He was clearly looking at me when I opened his message.

yourusername: Hey, sorry. I really need to study for this Sociology final. I can definitely carve out a time to meet next week.

I look up at him and point at my phone, making a frowny face and his expression mirrors mine.

prksnghn02: Who is the professor? I aced my sociology class I took over the summer. If you need any help lmk.

He looks at me with a thumbs up. His offer seems tempting, but what would I do? Sit there and hear him lecture me? It would already be hard enough to pay attention given how his arms are looking in that black fitted top.

yourusername: I will think about it.

I try to focus on my sociology notes, but my eyes keep drifting back to Sunghoon. He's still lounging on the bean bag, but now he has a textbook open on his lap. Every so often, he glances up, catching my eye before we both quickly look away. The tension is palpable, even from across the room. I sigh, running a hand through my hair. This is getting ridiculous. I'm here to study, not to play this weird game of cat and mouse with my former bully turned... what? Potential friend? The thought makes me uncomfortable. I make a split second decision on impulse and grab my phone, maybe regretting my decision later.

yourusername: Okay fine, come help me.

I witness Sunghoon look at his phone and shoot up out of his seat within the span of 3 seconds. Impressive. My heart hammered a frantic rhythm against my ribs as Sunghoon practically skidded to a stop in front of my desk. It was a stark contrast to his usual nonchalance. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and for a moment, I was back in middle school, his laughter echoing in the halls, the same laughter that used to sting.

“So, sociology huh?” he said with the most awkward tone possible. “What do you need help with” he continues, signaling his hand towards my messy notes. My notebook has definitely seen better days. I sighed, shoving my phone into the abyss of my backpack.

"Everything feels like gibberish. Professor Ramirez throws these massive lectures at us, and it all just blends together." Surprised laughter rumbled out of him.

"Ramirez? Yeah, he can be a bit much. But trust me, sociology isn't actually that complicated. Let's see your notes." Tentatively, I slid my well-worn notebook across the desk. He flipped through the pages, his brow furrowing in concentration. The silence stretched, broken only by the soft rustle of turning paper. I snuck a peek at him. His features were softened by a focus I wouldn't have expected. "Okay," he finally said, looking up. "This isn't so bad. You've got the basic concepts down. I think you're just getting overwhelmed by the details."

Relief flooded me. Maybe I wasn't completely incompetent after all. He settled into the chair across from me, his arm brushing mine for a moment as he reached for a pen. He continued to sort through my notes, trying to piece together what I may not be understanding. He was surprisingly patient with me, and even created examples for me to try and understand better. Not to mention that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him as he spoke. His black hair falling loosely in front of his dark brown eyes and black glasses was so sexy.

"So basically, social stratification is like the ranking system within a society?" I summarized, feeling a flicker of accomplishment. Sunghoon grinned, a genuine smile that reached his eyes. "Exactly! See, you were getting it all along." He paused, then reached for a specific page in my notes.

"Now, let's talk about power structures and how they influence social mobility…" Time melted away as Sunghoon patiently guided me through the sociological knowledge. I peppered him with questions, surprised by my own comfort level.

He answered them all with good humor and a surprising depth of knowledge that made him seem worlds apart from the bully I knew in middle school and the jock he is now. I looked at his face once again, admiring the way he furrowed his eye brows when he concentrated. I am snapped out of my trance with

“What?” Sunghoon questioned me, tilting his face to the side. I couldn’t even comprehend what had happened until a second or two later.

“Nothing! It’s nothing. Go on with what you were saying” I averted my eyes towards the table to try and hide the blood in my cheeks. “Heh, Okay….” he chuckles fiddling with the ring on his finger. He pauses for a few seconds and picks up with “You should get home soon. You don’t wanna have late nights, right?”

He looks me dead in the eye as he says this, a hint of playfulness in his gaze. I glanced at my phone, startled to see it was already 1 AM. We'd been studying for hours without realizing it. The library, usually bustling with stressed students, was now eerily quiet.

"Oh wow, I didn't realize how late it got," I mumbled, hastily gathering my notes. Sunghoon stretched, his shirt riding up slightly. I pretended not to notice.

"Yeah, time flies when you're having fun with sociology, right?" he said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips. "Right, because power structures are just a barrel of laughs." As we packed up our things, Sunghoon hesitated, then asked, "Hey, um, would you like me to walk you back to your dorm? It's pretty late." I paused, considering. The old me would have immediately refused, not wanting to spend an extra second with him.

But now... "Sure," I found myself saying. "That would be nice." We stepped out into the cool night air, the campus very quiet around us. For a moment, we walked in silence, the only sound our footsteps on the pavement.

"So," Sunghoon started, breaking the silence. "Did you find the study session helpful?" I nodded, surprised by my own honesty.

"Yeah, actually. You explain things... differently than I expected." He raised an eyebrow.

"Different good or different bad?"

"Different good," I admitted. "You're more... patient than I thought you'd be." Sunghoon chuckled softly. "Well, don't sound so surprised. Im not just a handsome face ya know.” I felt a retort forming on my lips, but bit it back.

“Yeah yeah, don’t flatter yourself.” As we walked, I couldn't help but sneak glances at him. In the soft glow of the street lamps, he looked... different. Softer somehow. Less like the arrogant boy I'd built up in my mind and more like... well, just a guy. "You know," he said suddenly, his voice quiet. "I meant what I said before. About being sorry." I felt my body tense. "Sunghoon, we don't have to-"

"No, please," he interrupted, stopping in his tracks. I turned to face him, surprised by the earnestness in his eyes. "I was a jerk in middle school. More than a jerk. I was cruel, and I've regretted it for years. I just... I want you to know that. I am sorry." I stood there, stunned. This vulnerability was so at odds with the Sunghoon I thought I knew.

"I... thank you," were the only words that were able to come out of my mouth. - I turned to face towards him as we reached the enterance of my dorm building. “Okay, I guess I can take it from here” I said, grabbing my key card out of my backpack.

“Goodnight, Sunghoon.” I entered the building and the door was already halfway closed before Sunghoon grabbed it and called out behind me, "Wait!” I stopped mid step and turned to meet his curious gaze, confused by what he could possibly want to say. I gave him a questioning look as he approached me slowly. His hands fidgeted nervously, and he took one last glance around, making sure no one was watching before reaching up to touch my cheek hesitantly. His thumb brushed the area under my eye lightly, his hand moving downwards slowly until he rested his palm flat on my jaw. I was somehow okay with this, despite the butterflies in my stomach.

My heart thudded loudly against my chest as I stared at his hand resting gently on my skin, unable to tear my gaze away from his. There was something magnetic about the way his eyes bore into me with an intensity I have never felt. “Have a good night, (Y/N)” he said softly, grazing my bottom lip with his thumb. He leaned down slowly while gazing into my eyes, a soft smile gracing his lips. My breath hitched as he brought his other hand up and cradled my cheek, brushing some loose strands of hair out of my face. “You too, Sunghoon”

~~~~~

The end of finals week had finally come and I am not exaggerating when I say that this is the most relieved I have ever been in my life. I was lounging on my bed scrolling through tik tok and I saw a message pop up at the top of my screen.

prksnghn02: Hey! A few of us are having a small get-together at the frat house to celebrate surviving finals. You and Yuqi should come.

I stared at the message, my thumb hovering over the keyboard. A month ago, I would've immediately declined. But now… things were different. The study session with Sunghoon, our late-night walk, the way he'd touched my face before saying goodnight - it all swirled in my mind, a confusing mix of old resentment and new… something.

yourusername: Let me check with Yuqi. What time?

His response was almost immediate.

prksnghn02: Around 8? It's just a few people, nothing crazy. Promise it won't be like last time.

I couldn't help but smile at that. The last party had been a turning point, in a way.

yourusername: Okay, I'll let you know.

I rolled over, dialing Yuqi's number. She picked up on the second ring.

"Please tell me you're calling to drag me out of this post-finals funk," she groaned.

I laughed. "Actually, yeah. Sunghoon invited us to a small thing at the frat house. You in?"

There was a pause on the other end. "Sunghoon, huh? You two seem to be getting along better."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "We're… working on it," I admitted. "So, you coming or what?"

"Obviously," she said. "I'll be at yours in an hour. We need to talk about this Sunghoon situation, by the way."

I groaned. "There's no 'situation', Yuqi."

"Uh-huh. Sure. See you soon!"

She hung up before I could protest further. I flopped back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling.

An hour later, Yuqi was sprawled on my bed, watching me rummage through my closet.

"So," she said, drawing out the word. "You and Sunghoon, huh?"

I threw a shirt at her. "There's no 'me and Sunghoon'. We're just… I don't know. Not enemies anymore, I guess."

Yuqi sat up, her expression serious. "Look, I know he was awful to you in middle school. But people change, you know? And he seems to be really trying."

I sighed, sitting down next to her. "I know. It's just… complicated."

She bumped my shoulder with hers. "Life's complicated. Doesn't mean you can't give it a chance."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Yuqi always had a way of cutting through my defenses.

"Now," she said, her tone lightening. "Let's find you something cute to wear. Just because it's not a 'situation' doesn't mean you can't look hot."

I rolled my eyes, but let her pull me back to the closet.The frat house was quieter than I'd ever seen it. No pulsing music, no crowds of people. Just the soft murmur of conversation and laughter drifting from the back patio. Sunghoon met us at the door, his face lighting up when he saw us. "Hey! You made it." he said, ushering us inside. His eyes lingered on me for a moment, and I felt a flutter in my stomach. "Drinks are in the kitchen, we're all out back."

As we followed him through the house, I couldn't help but notice how different he seemed here, in his element. Relaxed, open, a far cry from the popular Sunghoon I was used to seeing on campus. He was wearing a simple black t-shirt and jeans, but somehow he made it look effortlessly attractive. The back patio was strung with fairy lights, casting a warm glow over the small group gathered there. I recognized a few faces from classes, but it was indeed a much smaller crowd than the usual frat parties.

Yuqi immediately gravitated towards a group she knew, leaving me standing awkwardly by the door. Sunghoon appeared at my side, two red cups in hand. "Here," he said, offering me one. "It's just punch, but fair warning - Heeseung made it, so it's probably stronger than it tastes." I took a sip, the sweetness masking the unmistakable burn of alcohol. "Thanks for inviting us," I said, surprised by how much I meant it. Sunghoon's smile was soft, almost shy. "I'm glad you came. I wasn't sure if you would." "Honestly? I wasn't sure either," I admitted. He nodded, understanding in his eyes. "Well, I'm glad you did. Come on, let me introduce you to some people." As the night wore on, I found myself relaxing more and more. The punch was indeed strong, but the warm buzz it provided was pleasant.

Sunghoon stayed close, always making sure I was included in conversations, laughing at my jokes, his hand occasionally brushing against mine in a way that seemed both accidental and deliberate. I found myself studying him when he wasn't looking. The way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the gestures he made when he was explaining something he was passionate about. It was hard to reconcile this Sunghoon with the boy who had tormented me in middle school. At some point, Yuqi caught my eye from across the patio and gave me a not-so-subtle thumbs up. I rolled my eyes at her, but I couldn't help the smile that subtly appears on my face.

As the night progressed, people started to drift away in twos and threes. Yuqi had gotten into an intense discussion about some TV show with a guy from her psych class, leaving Sunghoon and me alone on a small bench near the edge of the patio. The fairy lights cast a soft glow on his features, and I found myself staring longer than I should have. "You know," Sunghoon said, his words slightly slurred, "I never thought we'd be here like this." I raised an eyebrow. "What, drunk on your frat house patio?" He laughed, the sound warm and genuine. "No, I mean... talking. Like friends."

His hand found mine on the bench between us, his fingers intertwining with mine. The touch sent a jolt through me, but I didn't pull away. "I was such an ass to you in middle school," he continued, his voice dropping low. "I... I didn't know how to deal with how I felt about you back then." I froze, my heart suddenly pounding. "What do you mean?" Sunghoon turned to face me, his eyes intense even in their alcohol-glazed state. "I had the biggest crush on you," he admitted. "But I was too stupid and insecure to know how to handle it. So I lashed out instead." I sat there, stunned.

The Sunghoon I knew in middle school, the one who had made my life miserable, had a crush on me? It didn't make sense, and yet... "That doesn't excuse what I did," he continued, his thumb tracing circles on the back of my hand. "Nothing excuses that. But I want you to know how sorry I am. And how glad I am that you're giving me a chance to make it right."

I looked at our intertwined hands, then back up at Sunghoon's face. The vulnerability in his expression took my breath away. "I... I don't know what to say," I whispered. "You don't have to say anything," he murmured, leaning in slightly. "I just wanted you to know." We sat there for a moment, the air between us charged with possibility. Then, without thinking, I leaned in, closing the distance between us. Our lips met softly, hesitantly at first. Then Sunghoon's free hand came up to cup my cheek, deepening the kiss.

It was sweet and a little clumsy, tasting of punch with a hint of alcohol. His lips were softer than I'd imagined - not that I'd been imagining it, of course. When we broke apart, I could feel the heat in my cheeks. Sunghoon's eyes were wide, a mix of surprise and something else I couldn't quite name.

"I... wow," he breathed, his thumb gently caressing my cheek. Before I could respond, the patio door slid open and Yuqi's voice rang out. "Y/N? You out here?" Sunghoon and I sprang apart, but not before Yuqi caught sight of us. Her facial expression completely changed, a knowing smirk spreading across her face.

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?" she asked, her tone teasing. I stood up quickly, nearly losing my balance. Sunghoon steadied me with a hand on my arm, the touch sending another jolt through me. "We were just... talking," I managed to say, knowing how unconvincing it sounded. Yuqi's grin widened. "Uh-huh. 'Talking.' Got it. Well, hate to break up this... conversation, but it's getting late. We should probably head out." I nodded, suddenly feeling very sober. "Right. Yeah. Let's go."

As we made our way back through the house, I could feel Sunghoon's eyes on me. At the front door, he caught my hand. "Text me when you get home safe?" he asked, his voice low. I nodded, words not being able to leave my mouth. He squeezed my hand once before letting go. - The walk back to the dorms was quiet, Yuqi mercifully holding back her questions until we were safely in my room. "Okay," she said, flopping onto my bed. "Spill. Everything. Now." I sank into my desk chair, my mind replaying the kiss over and over. "I... I don't even know where to start," I admitted.

Yuqi's expression softened. "Start at the beginning. And don't leave anything out."

~~~~~

Going over to Sunghoons frat house became a frequent thing over the winter break. About twice a week I would go with Yuqi and kick back with a few of his friends, the same ones that were there the first time.

During those times, we'd always end up hanging out in Sunghoons backyard, or playing in his pool. He definitely acted a lot different around his friends than I expected. More relaxed, open, less guarded. In turn he opened up to me a bit too.

“If I beat you in a round of pool, you have take a shot with me” Sunghoon said chuckling, nudging his elbow against my arm. “Come on, that’s fair!”

“I guess, but what do I get it I win?”

Sunghoon narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “You know what, I can think of something…” He moved closer to me, the tip of his nose inches away from mine. A shiver ran down my spine as I tried to resist the urge to pull away. Instead, I remained still, watching nervously as his mouth slowly drew closer and closer. “I think you might like it” he said teasingly.

“I guess I should just let you win then” I sighed sarcastically, trying to ignore the butterflies built up in my stomach.

He scoffs “I promise, sweetheart, I don’t bite” he said, moving back just enough so he could meet my eyes. His voice was low and husky, sending a ripple of heat through my body.

“So, what kind of shot?” I asked lightly, trying to ignore the way my voice shook as I spoke.

“I think I have some Don Julio” he mused, running a hand along the back of his neck.

Sunghoon it first to break all of the pool balls apart, declaring him as solids. Drinking beer between each of our turns and chatting about family and work, Sunghoon was a lot better at pool than he originally let on, because soon enough he had only 2 solid balls left, while I still had 5 stripes.

I was expecting him to have already won at this point. When he set his cue on the edge, lining up to hit one of the solids into a hole, the 8 ball shoots across the board, into the hole closest to me.

“Aw shit, I guess you won” He said with a fake defeated look.

I laughed, setting my bottle aside. “Looks like it. Thanks for letting me have a couple extra rounds” I said, winking at him. I missed my cue stick by mere centimeters, but didn’t care. My eyes were locked on Sunghoon; his hair stuck up everywhere, his skin glistening with sweat after his game, his shirt clung tightly to his frame.

A loud bang echoed off the walls, making us both jump slightly. Sunghoon’s eyes snapped towards the window behind me, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Someone just slammed the garage door shut” he whispered. “Did they close up for the night?”

We had spent so much time playing pool, we didn’t realize that slowly, one by one, people started to go home. This meaning that Yuqi probably caught a ride home with someone and the only people left here are the 3 frat guys staying in the house over the break.

“It’s getting late, I should probably call an Uber” I said, rubbing my eyes for focus.

“Why leave so soon? Doing Uber this late at night could be dangerous, you never know what kind of people could be out there.”

“What other option do I have? Yuqi went home already” I replied, grabbing my phone.

“You can stay here, you can sleep on my bed and I will set up a bed on the floor” he offered.

“I don’t know if that is the best idea” I muttered, staring at my feet.

“Just sleep here. Don’t waste money on an Uber, and I promise I can take great care of you.” he urged me, placing his hand under my chin so that I would finally look at him. “Do you really believe that I would let you get into a strangers car right now?”

I hesitated before nodding. “Fine, but only because I trust you.”

~

We pack up all of our stuff from outside, including my purse and all of the extra alcohol. There are so many room in the frat house and I have never been upstairs, I have no idea which one is Sunghoons. As the two of us climb the stairs up to his room, we both silently agree not to mention the previous events from the other night.

Sunghoon doesn’t know why I kissed him, And I don’t know why he kissed me. Even though he did tell me a little about the reason behind our relationship, it wouldn’t matter, he was too far gone for it to change anything anyway.

The moment we step into his room, he tosses his backpack onto the floor and gestures to the large queen sized bed sitting in the corner of the room.

“I didn’t bring anything to sleep in, I can’t sleep wearing jeans and a tank top” I said, gesturing to my jeans.

“Don’t worry about it, I can lend you something” he said, walking over to a laundry basket of clothes lying on the floor near the wardrobe. “I haven’t gotten the chance to put up my laundry, let me find something” he explains, rummaging through the basket.

He pulls out a large black t-shirt and some basketball shorts. “Here, try these on” and walked over, handing them to me, a slight smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

“Look away!” I playfully shouted while waving my hand to shoo him. “

“Oh my gosh, okay” he covers his eyes like a cartoon character.

Luckily I was wearing some spandex shorts and a sports bra underneath, so even if he did sneak a peek, which I’m sure he did, nothing too important would have been exposed. On him the clothes look normal size, but on me, the shirt fit like a dress and the shorts touched half way down my shins. “I guess I have no choice” I shrugged.

I crawl into his bed while he went to fetch an extra blanket for me out of his closet. At this point, he was already in his sleep attire. No shirt and some basketball shorts. It was hard to concentrate when he was standing there wearing nothing but shorts. I admit that maybe I was staring a bit longer than appropriate.

“You like what you see?” he says in a cocky tone, chuckling at my embarrassment.

“Shut up, you are so annoying” I scoff and roll my eyes, laying back down on the bed.

“Haha okay…” he smirks as he stands up from the closed with the blanket in his hand. “Hopefully this will keep you warm enough” he said, covering me with the big piece of fabric.

“Thank you, Sunghoon” I said, turning over to attempt to catch some sleep. He set up a little bed on the floor with a blanket and a pillow right next to the bed and layer down as well.

After sometime of just listening to the sound of the crickets outside, the quiet noises of the street, cars passing by, the occasional chirp of a bird. The atmosphere was rather peaceful, comfortable almost. I couldn't help the small smile forming on my face as I lay my head on my arm.

My brain kept drifting away from sleep, my thoughts constantly drifting back to Sunghoon. My heart rate was rising with every second that passed, I tried desperately to calm myself down, not wanting to give any indication that I was starting to get aroused. The more I listened to the sounds outside, the more I felt the overwhelming desire to be wrapped up in his arms. Just to feel him hold me.

I sigh deeply, rolling over onto my side and facing him. The soft glow of moonlight illuminating the entire room, casting light patterns on his sleeping features. If this was any other day, I would definitely stare at him until dawn, taking in every minute detail of him.

I scooted over to the edge of the bed, just close enough for me to nudge Sunghoon with my foot. “Hoon, are you awake” I whispered.

His eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the brightness of the moonlight leaking through the blinds. “Yeah” he clears his throat. “Why?”

“Can you lay with me?” I whispered again.

He stared at me for a second, trying to understand what was going through my mind. Eventually, he crawled onto the bed, lying down next to me. His body was hot against mine, making goosebumps erupt throughout my skin, but the feeling was comforting nevertheless. We laid like that in silence for a few moments, simply enjoying each other's presence.

Eventually, it became too awkward and I had to move closer into Sunghoon, cuddling up next to him. “I like this” I say quietly, resting my head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his faint scent. He chuckled slightly, positioning himself to where his fingers could comb though my hair.

I mumble, wrapping my arm around his torso. His fingers stopped their ministrations then, hesitating for a moment. I looked up at him from my position on his chest, curious as to what made him stop. I met his deep brown eyes that were focused solely on me. His gaze was soft, yet intimidating at the same time. Slowly, carefully, he lifted my head off his body and held it between his hands. Then he brought his lips to meet mine softly.

He pulled me in closer, gently running his fingertips along my jawline, making my heartbeat pick up in pace. His kisses were slow and sweet, the most tender kiss I've ever had. After several seconds of pure bliss, he pulled away slowly, watching me as if waiting for some sort of reaction. When my eyes fluttered open I met with his eyes, gazing deeply into each others’. A smile formed on my lips, making Sunghoon lean in to reconnect our lips again.

He placed his hands on the sides of my neck, holding me close to him, deepening the kiss, our tongues intertwining in a passionate dance. Our bodies pressed closely together, moving together rhythmically. His hands lifted up my oversized shorts and began roaming across my bare thighs, tracing up the hem of my shirt. We kept getting tangled in each other’s clothing as we continued kissing.

He reached my breasts, pushing up my sports bra to give them an affectionate squeeze, causing me to gasp in response. My hands moved down from his shoulders and ran up the backs of his arms to his neck, pulling on his short hairs slightly. Pulling on the strands of hair caused him to release a low growl and deepen the kiss, pulling his tongue into my mouth. Suddenly I felt his teeth graze my bottom lip, causing me to whimper slightly at the unexpected pain. When he released my lower lip, he sucked on it, sucking on it harder and harder with his sharp canine teeth. “Fuck…” I moan, gripping tightly onto the ends of his dark brown locks.

He took the opportunity to slide his hands under my shirt, rubbing his thumbs over my nipples lightly, causing my stomach muscles to tense up involuntarily. A slight smirk crept onto his lips as he noticed this, but then he proceeded to push the crop top further up on my shoulders before placing soft gentle kisses along my collar bone. He sprinkled kissed on my shoulders and chest and then moved down towards my waistline, placing soft soft kisses along my belly button. His hand started to work its way downwards, slowly caressing the insides of my thighs.

He latched one of my nipples into his mouth, gently suckling the tight swollen bud of flesh with his teeth and tongue. As his hand reached down and slid his middle finger along the underside of my left thigh, causing me to grind against his hand.

He trailed his hand back up to the bottom of my shirts and bunched it up in his hand “Can I take this off?” he leaned next to my ear and whispered. My breath hitched at how sensual he sounded.

“Please” I managed to speak out. He didn’t reply immediately, only gave me a reassuring smile before pulling it over my head, only leaving my bra. His lips found their way back up to mine, sending a surge of electricity through me. His hands worked their way to bottom of my bra, lifting it up and throwing it to the side as well. The cool air on my bare stomach and chest suddenly sent tingles all over my body, sending shivers down my spine and goosebumps all over my skin. He smiled at my reaction, continuing to caress my inner thigh.

“Is it okay if I take these off too?” he whispered, grazing the waistband of my shorts.

I let go of his arms and nodded my head yes, watching his expression change from relaxed to excited. I watched him pull those off and discard them as well, leaving only my thong on. “I hope this is okay” he smiled. He was still looking at me with those intense eyes, making it difficult for me to breathe properly.

He removed the last piece of clothing from me, both my spandex and the shorts he gave me, revealing my beautiful skin and perfectly plump curves underneath. He took a few seconds to appreciate every inch of my body before sliding his slim fingers between my legs. Instinctively my knees fell apart slightly, allowing him access to my core which caused his eyes to darken even more. As he gently traced circles around my bud, sending me into complete ecstasy, I moaned loudly, moaning in pleasure as my hips began grinding into his finger tips.

“God, you’re so pretty” he whispered, trailing kisses along my cheek. I bit my bottom lip to suppress the moans coming out of my mouth as he continued to stroke the wetness inside of my thighs. “So perfect.”

He spread my wetness all over his fingers and slid one finger inside of my desperate hole. At first, he started slowly, his thumb circling my clit while his middle finger slid in and out of my warm opening, slowly increasing the amount of pressure until I was gripping down onto his fingers with all of my strength. He increased the speed of his movements, adding another finger, pumping them hard into me. I closed my eyes and arched my back, trying my best to keep a good grip on his fingers.

“Shit, you’re so wet angel” he groans. He took his hand away to pull off his own shorts, with his boxers. His dick spring free, tip raging and dripping with precum. It was big, a lot bigger than I had expected.

I take all of his length into my fist as he continues contact with my folds. “Fuck, that feels good, baby” he says under his breath. I collect spit in my mouth and layer his tip and slide my hand up and down slowly.

I feel a familiar knot forming in my stomach as he keeps a consistent pace pumping his finger into my gushing pussy. “Agh yess” I moan on his cock, feeling the burning sensation building up. He leans down to place a tender kiss on the back of my shoulder, his warm breath fanning my sensitive skin, causing my back arch even higher. "Let go babygirl"he murmurs against my shoulder.

I let my hand rest against his erection, stroking him slowly, feeling the tip get longer by the moment. Soon enough, I can no longer contain myself as I let the orgasm rip out of me. His name came spilling out of my mouth, followed by a loud moan “Fuck Sunghoon, just like that.” I continue to hold on to him as the wave of pleasure takes over me, feeling my muscles start to seize up and my vision starting to blur.

As I'm regaining my composure, he pulls out of me, bringing his fingers up to his mouth. “You taste so good, princess” he praises, with sweat droplets forming in his forehead.My face turns red with embarrassment. I cover my face with my palms as I try to control my breathing. Sunghoon chuckles and grabs my wrists, pulling my hands away from my blushing face and places them on his cheeks instead. “Don’t be embarrassed, babygirl. That was hot” he says. My blush gets stronger by the second.

“Let me get you cleaned up” he suggested, getting out of the bed to go to his bathroom where he kept his extra cloths. He came back with a small smile on his face. He runs the rag between my legs and said “I am really happy you decided to spend the night”

“Me too Sunghoon” my smile only visible by the moonlight. He went back into the bathroom to put the cloth into the dirty clothes hamper.

“Now come here…” He brings his lips to meet mine once more. He wraps his arms around my sore body, making my face bury into his chest. Our bare skin resting against eachother was so relaxing. His skin was soft, and he was perfectly toned to my liking. He runs his fingers through my hair and begins to massage my scalp, making my whole body tremble. “It’s really late, sweetheart, let’s get some rest” he whispers and kisses my forehead, then rests his chin on the top of my head. As I lay there in Sunghoons embrace, feeling the warmth radiating off him, my eyes gradually fall shut.

-

「Taglist」 : @sngleehee - @capri-cuntz - @namdeyuoi - @jaysupremacy - @tobiosbbyghorl - @hoonie-zzz - @jayhoonvroom - @mumeimei - @skaterhoonie - @nat123c - @branchrkive - @simpjay - @parksunghoonsgf - @jakeflvrz - @alienqbrain - @mitmit01 - @simhinata - @eternality - @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby - @jakesangel - @yjwsgf - @diorsyun - @en-ner-jay - @yeonzzzn - @hoonieesm - @hoonheepretty - @jaysupremacy - @cherry-park - @heeslomll - @alvojake - @taeghi - @dollyyun - @sumzysworld - @rikislady - @heeheeswifey - @chlorinecake - @flwrhoes - @hollyoongs - @simpjay - @sjylouvre - @starboimoon - @sjyunnsworld - @blurryriki - @yzzyhee - @sincerelyrki - @hoonven - @fatalwon

[gremlingottoosilly]

I met a guy in the Summer (dilf!Konig x fem!Reader)

Your boyfriend is an asshole. Luckily, his hot dad just returned from deployment. CW and Tags: Cheating, dub-con, size kink, daddy kink, age gap(reader in 20s, Konig is early 40s), Konig is a pervert, slightly obsessive Konig, love(and lust) at first sight, fingering, dom!Konig Word count: 3713 AO3

“Just one more game, babe, don’t be a buzzkill. I don’t want to end at a loss.” You didn’t want to be a buzzkill, of course. You simply wanted to be a good girlfriend, have some domestically cozy date, and for your boyfriend to at least try to put an effort into being with you. It wasn’t much to ask for, really. You hoped so, at least. You didn’t want to be an annoying, nagging girlfriend who only ever waits for another reason to yell at him, but your patience started to run thin. 

You spend the past three hours either listening to his apathetic rambling about the shows he watched – really, you wanted to invest in stuff he liked, but an abnormally large amount of animes he talked about had 1000-year-old girls who looked like they were 10, wearing inappropriate outfits, and you started to raise the alarm. 

You also watched him play – and also listened to his rage quitting and angry voice messages to his team that, honestly, made you slightly anxious. You never liked loud people, people who were so easy to rage about something as silly as some colorful video game with too many characters to look after. 

So, like a good girlfriend would – you wanted to be a good girlfriend, he was such a nice guy before you started dating, and you need something to think about besides the tremendous amount of study work you are doing for college – you decided to go and look for snacks. Maybe bring something for him as well. 

— I’ll find something to eat, alright? 

He didn’t respond at first, so you shook his shoulder. Your boyfriend took off his headphones with annoying look on his face, half-turning to look at you. You gulped, suddenly feeling like a child in front of the principal – not a feeling that you were supposed to feel around your partner, but with him, you somehow constantly felt like you were being judged. 

— Nah, stay here. I don’t want my father to see you. 

— Ah…your father is at home? 

You never heard anyone else being at the house – big house, you must admit, and it’s embarrassing almost how you never thought about his family. He lives with his dad, apparently, and the depth of your relationships can only be judged by the fact you literally didn’t know what his father’s name was. 

— Returned from his fucking deployment. He’d ask too many questions about you. 

— You didn’t tell him about me? 

Ah, now you’re hurt a little bit. You knew it wasn’t anything serious or too committed yet, but you intended to make this work. To try and fix all the problems you can without ending things abruptly. 

— He never asked. Not like he cares too much, but…

An apathetic dad, huh. 

You started to slowly piece together the puzzle that was your boyfriend’s horrible boyfriend skills. Now, you want to meet the man who conceived him and kick him in the nuts for creating such an unlovable human being who somehow captivated your chronically lonely heart. 

— If you don’t want me to come and meet him, I can go home. 

He doesn’t answer because his queue is finally coming to another match – you simply nod, knowing everything you need to. You can grab a little snack for yourself, fuck off to your dorm and rethink your life choices while your roommate is getting pounded by some gruss British bloke with an accent that makes your ears bleed. 

You have dignity, and right now, it has asked you to get some snacks from the kitchen. 

*** Now, the only thing König wanted after returning from deployment was to take as many hot showers as he could, shut his bastard of a son up, and get some delicious food waiting for him in the freezer. He was already home for a few days, but adjusting is always hard when you basically fucking hate living at your own house. Of-fucking-course, his son was watching the house while he was away – and now he can’t even think of a good excuse to set him off to his mother. Too old to do this, and split custody never really worked when not even one part of the relationship wanted to take care of the kid. 

König closes the door of the refrigerator – of course, his son took every good thing that he stashed for himself. With a groan, the colonel fights the urge to finally throw him out of the house – a thing he needed to do a few years ago, just when he celebrated his 18th, but some sentimental part of his heart instead promised to help with finding a place close to the college. No good deed goes unpunished. 

With a groan, he takes a few steps from the fridge – and then he almost stumbles across an angel. 

Scheisse

Now, König never thought of himself as a predator who prefers running after college girls who might as well be his daughters. He never thought of himself as a gut who liked them young – his wife, god forsake her name, was his age when they started dating, and he hardly had any sexual encounters with a person under 25 in the past few years. Well, not like he had any sexual encounters in the past years, but…

The thing is – he never thought he liked girls with wide eyes, pouty faces, and trembling hands who were holding a bag of his cookies that he carefully stashed away from his son. 

You are wearing something cute, a nice skirt and an adorable pink cardigan that looks so cozy and warm and soft, and he fights the urge to grab your skirt and simply lift it, You’re dressed up for a cute coffee date, and König has to double check if he isn’t dreaming and no one has decided to play a prank on him and send him a cute callgirl. 

— Oh! Sorry. It’s yours, isn’t it? 

You give him his cookies back – but not before your fingers fished another salty caramel goodness out of the bag, and you bit it. He looks at your teeth, at your lips, and glimpses of your tongue – god, he is an old, dirty bastard because even his baggy pants aren’t enough to hide his boner. You have no right to look this pretty for a man who hasn’t seen a woman in three months and hasn’t had sex in the past few years. 

You lick the crumbs from your fingers – it’s such a deliberate action that he can’t believe he actually sees it, and it’s not even something from porn he used to like. 

— Ja. You can have it. 

He would give you the code to his bank account if you asked for it. 

— Thank you, sir. I’m…well, I assume if Paul didn’t introduce me to you…I’m his girlfriend. Nice to meet you. 

You lick your lips and take a step back, pressed against the counter. He looks at the sway of your hips, a bit of crumbs on your shirt, and almost brushes it away with his hands. It would be a good excuse to touch your chest – but he can’t be like this, he has to keep his urges under control, or else his son will never forgive him. 

Yeah, like he needs a better reason to throw his useless son from his home. 

— Girlfriend? He never spoke about you. 

You look sad, and he immediately curses under his breath. For a moment, you look too fragile – too real. He can’t handle this look on a woman, especially as pretty and young as you are. You bat your eyelashes, even involuntarily, and he already prepares to give you the keys to his home just so you’d stop with such miserable expressions. He has a spare bedroom. 

He has his bedroom with a bed that would be enough for both of you. 

— Ah. Um. We’re…I guess we’re not at this stage yet. 

— Knowing him, you’ll never be, Schatz. 

You look at him immediately – you’re offended, angry, and sad at the same time. There is a certain stubbornness in your eyes that immediately makes him want to simply scoop you in his arms, lift you, and drag you straight to the altar – and here he thought that his impulses over getting married would be over after his first divorce. 

— What do you mean by this, sir? 

You look uncertain now, he can see this in your eyes – and really, knowing his asshole of a child, he is almost sure that Paul never once got you off, either physically or emotionally. 

Now, König never once considered himself to be a good man. He has killed countless people, overthrown many governments, and made shitty jobs for shitty people way more than saving hostages to help the good guys – and in the romantic field, it’s even worse. Wife, unsatisfied with his controlling tendencies and inability to feel normal love for a human being – and a son who hates him because, in fact, he never once wanted to have a kid. 

He looks at you and sees a pretty young thing, still in college or freshly out of, probably without a stable job and normal social standing – a good girl won’t be with his son if she isn’t stupid or extremely desperate for a relationship. 

The thing is, König is also extremely desperate for another warm body next to his, to feel a woman beside him, to love and obsess over someone – he looks at your pouty lips and shaky hands, at the way you bite the corner of your glossy mouth, and he almost wants to drop you on this very table and fuck you until you’re crying under him. He can’t do just that, of course. It would probably make you extremely uncomfortable and scared, but…well, quite frankly, his son doesn’t deserve you. 

König is. 

— I won’t sugarcoat it, Schatz. My son is a Scheiß Arschloch…fucking asshole, that is. I’m surprised he brought home someone as cute as you. 

You feel embarrassment collecting in your body. Paul’s dad is a…interesting man. 

Tall, broad, very muscular – even his baggy house clothes aren’t really concealing his extremely interesting physique from your eyes. He looks yummy and tasty, and you fight the urge to eye the bulge in his pants because you’re a good girl, you don’t look at your boyfriend’s dad like this. 

König has greying ginger hair, locks already curling slightly at the lack of cutting, and you fight the urge to sit on the counter and get your palm in his scalp, massage his head gently, and pull him closer for a kiss. You feel like a dirty, horrible woman – your boyfriend is in his room, probably enjoying his time on your “date” while you’re lusting over his father. 

Then again, this date already felt like a disaster. This relationship, too. 

— Paul isn’t all that bad, sir. 

“He at least has a nice dick,” you wanted to add but stopped yourself. Paul is tall and somewhat strong – if he weren’t sitting at his computer all day, you would call him even muscular. And he has a nice dick, yes, even though he had no idea how to use it. You liked the idea of laying with him, of spraying your jaw trying to fit all of this in your mouth, but his kinks and his sex skills being directly taken from porn…not really your thing. 

You look at König and wonder if they are similar in all of the places. He is his father, after all. 

König catches your gaze locked on his bulge and smirks. 

God, if he knew his son had such a cute girl, he would ask her to come earlier. He is two weeks off deployment and probably won’t take another long contract for a few months because they just upped his retirement payings, and he can afford to slack off a little bit, only visiting the home base for some training and instructions for rookies. 

He can afford to retire and never worry about money again – but he needs someone to make his days less boring, right? 

You look like a good candidate. 

— I’m sure my son was convincing, but I know him better than anyone. He doesn’t deserve you, Schatz. 

He is shitty at flirting, it’s not his forte – he can flaunt his money, maybe, show you in his wallet and bank account face first. He can just straight up ask you to be his sugar baby and suck his cock instead of doing your studies, but he can’t flirt and manipulate to save his life. Lying isn’t something he is good for, this is why his wife has left. 

— I…not sure we should be having this conversation here. 

You’re a good girl, and it’s infuriating. He knows that having someone in his bed shouldn’t be the end goal for his leave, but he wants you, and by the look on your face, you aren’t opposed to the idea. König doesn’t understand if he likes that you’re so reserved about it or if he wants you to be a bit more slutty – but he captures you in the space between the kitchen counter and presses you with his body. 

— You want to see the bedroom then?

Pushes you so close his knee gets between your legs – it might look involuntary like he didn’t exactly want for it to be placed here, but you aren’t dumb, you know what he wants from you. Like a good fucking girl, you’re too shy to give it to him right about now. God, sometimes he hates being so nice to people around him. 

— Sir, this is very…

He got you caged in his hands, body trapped in his embrace – you jerk your head upwards a little bit, staring at him like a small bird in the hands of a predator. He isn’t a strong man in regard of morals, he doesn’t see anything wrong with fucking his son’s girlfriend – if the girl is up to it. And if she isn’t…well, he better make sure she is. 

— What is it, Schatz? Paul won’t hear us in his headphones.

You know just how wrong it is, and you almost want to escape – his dick grinds on your pelvis through his pants, and you’re horrified to see how big it is. Excited too, of course, he is bigger than your boyfriend ever could be, and you don’t want to be a slut, but, oh well, not like you were in a committed and serious relationship anyway. 

Paul was seeing your friends more than you ever saw them – it’s probably a sign that you should settle for someone older. You did enjoy Lana Del Rey's songs, after all. 

— I don’t want to break his heart. 

— He doesn’t have one. 

You’re lost when he pushes his lips to kiss you over and over again – a surprisingly good kisser, and you give in because it was the first time in forever a kiss made you feel this good. His lips are sending electricity down your spine, you want to moan just from his knee, pushing on the softness of your cunt through that adorable skirt you liked so much – you feel so small like this, so tiny in his hands, you…

God, you feel like a slut, and you like it. 

Soon enough, you answered the kiss, your lips meeting his in a dance that made you feel hot, that made you feel like your boyfriend never could. Never thinking of yourself as someone who can fall so easily into the hands of an older man, now you know that he got you right where he wanted. 

You push your hand on his pants, trying to get the control back – but he stops you, a giant hand enveloping your wrist and pushing you back. With a surprise on your face, König just wants to kiss you all over. God, you’re adorable, and he knows that you deserve way more than being fucked on the rough kitchen counter while your so-called boyfriend is too busy dickriding his friends in some useless online game. 

— Not now, princess. You deserve better than being fucked on the kitchen counter, ja? It can come later. 

“Later” sounds like a promise, and you bite back your moan when he keeps pushing his knee against your cunt, making you throb and clench on nothing. He is such a gentleman, you can’t help but compare him to his son – and his fabulous ability to make you feel dirty after fucking you in the backseat of his car and tossing you to your dorm with your pussy still wet and messy after you didn’t cum. 

You sob, not from sadness, but from pleasure mixed with some weird, unnatural for you emotions – you feel weird, strained here like this, but you hug his neck and whisper something in his ear. Something, dangerously sounding just like “daddy, please” 

König is blushing, and he looks fucking adorable. 

— Daddy, ja? God, you’re dangerous, liebling. Going to get me in trouble with my son later. 

He laughs when he kisses you again, his hand slipping in your panties only to find them completely soaked – he knows you deserve a nice pillow and soft sheets under your body, and he pushes you up so you can hug his waist with your legs. You rely on him like a cute pet, and you’re so perfect in his hands he curses himself for not seeing you before. 

He is going to ruin you for anyone but him. Put so much cum in you, it will make your tummy bulge – make you his precious sugar baby, pay for your dumb college and make you move to his bedroom instead of some shitty dorm you probably share with four other people. 

He can be good for you – but he will ruin you for anyone else, anyone appropriate, every guy your age who clearly doesn’t know how to treat a lady right. 

— So wet for me…such a filthy thing, I didn’t know my son dated a whore. 

— N…not a whore, please…

He kisses you on your forehead, silently apologizing. You feel his crooked, scarred smile, and you push your face up to kiss him – you want to touch him so badly it makes you feel stupid. 

— Sorry, Schatzen. Not a whore, a good girl for her daddy, ja? So nice for me, too fucking young…

— W…we really shouldn’t… — Tshhh, don’t think about it. Thinking will only hurt your pretty dumb head. — I’m not…

— Quiet, little one. Let daddy handle everything.

He kisses you over and over, his fingers playing with your pussy – meaty digits digging in your hole, making you whimper from sudden intrusion. He is big, bigger than anyone else, just two of his fingers are enough to spread you as much as normal cock would, and even though you’re used to taking Paul’s size, you just know that his dad would be much, much bigger. He is going to split you open, and you will love every fucking second. 

It feels so wrong, you still aren’t sure if you want him to touch you like this. 

It feels so right, he is experienced and eager, pushing every button to make you squirm in his grasp. Your orgasm comes embarrassingly quick – maybe because you haven’t gotten off in ages, only miserable masturbation sessions and poor attempts at faking your orgasm made it feel real. Paul never cared enough to actually get you off – but now…

You aren’t ready for him. You squirm in his grasp when the pressure becomes too much, and he soothes you, two fingers still buried in your soaked cunt. You feel so dirty, so wrong right now – you are cumming on the fingers of your boyfriend’s absent father, and you love every second of it. 

Post-orgasm clarity makes you whiny and sobby, and you whimper in his shoulder when he gently lifts you in his hands. God, you’re adorable, and he knows that he just scrambled your brain with that orgasm – it’s good, really, he might just want to keep your pretty head nice and empty for him. Not like you would ever need to think in his presence, the colonel can handle everything in- and out- of bed. 

König holds you close, not allowing you to scramble away no matter how embarrassed you are. You are his precious thing, with a pouty face, and he will do everything in his power to make you squirm on his fingers again and again before he makes you his wife for good. 

So impulsive, maybe this is why his son is such an asshole – taking the worst traits of his father. 

— Don’t cry, Schatzen. You’re okay, it felt good, didn’t it? 

— W…we shouldn’t have. Shit. I’m sorry, it was a m…god, I need to tell Paul. 

— I’ll tell him. 

— No! — I will tell my asshole of a son that you’re my girl now, ja? And then I will take you to the bedroom, so we can fuck. 

— I need to return to my dorm. 

— And then I will dine you properly, okay? Sorry, Liebling, I know I should court you before all of this…but we can afford to go a bit off board, ja? 

He is smiling, so smitten and obsessed over just having you cum on his fingers once – you don’t have the heart to say no. Never did. You’re a good, proper girl, and Paul was never treating you right anyway. You feel dirty, yes, but somehow, it is almost right. 

He peppers your face with kisses, like a dog lapping its tongue all over your skin – you’re so concentrated on the warmth of his strong, seasoned body that you don’t even look in the direction of the doorway to the kitchen. 

Paul, however, looks straight at you, disheartened and shocked. 

— W…what the fuck, dad?! König laughs, kissing you once again – deep, hot, with tongue and loud, sloppy sounds of your mouth pressing into one another. You’re stuck in place, still caged in his arms like a precious little pet you are. 

— She’ll make a good step mom, ja? 

You don’t even register his hands slowly caressing your fingers as if he already tries to check the ring sizes. 

[yanderenightmare]

♡ TW: angst, toxic traits, somewhat bullying, breakup

♡ FEM reader

You’re his first girlfriend. He’d never bothered with anything serious before—it seemed too messy to trifle with. He doesn’t know why he suddenly decided. Suppose he’d been feeling a little bored, and something within him saw you as a fool-proof opportunity.

It wasn’t because you were anything special. Actually, it was more the opposite. You didn’t seem like too big of a risk. You were just a normal, honest, nice person—a bit of a loser, too, if he was being honest. He could do a lot better and pick someone of the same caliber as him, someone with a cooler style and presence, but then he’d only get caught up in the competition.

You were more to his appetite—a dorky, blushy lil’ nerd who giggled nervously at everything he said. In other words, no competition at all. You’d never dare break his heart because you frankly couldn’t afford it. And he found solace in that imbalance—knowing he held all the cards and that you could only be grateful he’d chosen you.

At least, that had been what he’d thought. But then, here you are, holding his hands from across the table in a cute little sundae café, telling him how this just can’t work anymore.

He’s confused for a whole minute before it sinks in.

You’re breaking up with him.

He’s confused afterward, too.

You’re breaking up with him?

That can’t be right. You must be joking. He almost laughs, almost cackles, but ends up staying completely silent. Something about that pitiful look in your eye makes his throat tight, and he almost thinks he’s going to cry instead. 

You’re breaking up with him. You, with him. His foot starts to tap. Have you hit your head or something? You’re dressed in a hoodie, for crying out loud, with not an ounce of make-up on—effortless, as if his perception of you wasn’t any of your concern while you’re fucking breaking up with him.

No way. There’s just no way. You must be confused about something, is all. There’s absolutely no way you’re doing this.

“What are you talking about?” It comes angry. Louder than he’d intended, enough to make you jolt in your seat. A couple of heads even turn your way. You wait for them to turn back before answering.

“I just think we’re a bit too different. And… I don’t know…” You were trying to find ways of telling him you weren’t in love with him but ended up deciding it was unnecessary—it wasn’t exactly something he needed to hear even though you had a lot you could say.

You’re rude and arrogant and treat me like some rescue pet you’ve nurtured back to health. You act like you’re embarrassed to be with me even though you’re the one without any friends. You’re selfish and spoiled and—

“If you don’t know, then there’s nothing to talk about. Quit being silly.” He has a furrow between his brows as he picks up the pink menu between the two of you, scanning the different types of milkshakes you could share and forget all about it. After all, you weren’t breaking up with him—that would just be absurd. “Let’s get strawberry.”

“No—”

“Guess we could get mango if you want that instead—”

“I’m not sharing drinks with you—”

“What? You tryna lose weight or something? Not like anyone but me is gonna see you when all you wear are those baggy hoodies all the time. Speaking of which, you should wear mine instead, they’d suit you better—”

“Listen.” You stop his rambling. “I’m not sharing drinks, and I’m not wearing your clothes. I’m not being silly, either. I’m being serious. It’s over—”

“No, it’s not.” His fist bangs against the table—the look in his eye on edge and twitchy. “I asked you why, and you had no good reason—so it’s not, not until you convince me.”

You had wanted to avoid it, but it seems he wouldn’t allow you the grace to spare him. That being said, you hadn’t meant to be so brutally honest…

“You’re a narcissist. You don’t treat me like a girlfriend. I’m more like a charity case or some type of experiment to you. Half the time, it feels as though you’re just playing a game with everyone in your life like pawns for you to shuffle around the board as you see fit.” You’re the one with the furrowed brows now, unable to bite your tongue as you’d kept it in all this time. “I think you should seek help and get your controlling tendencies straightened out before having any type of relationship. Or don’t. In any case, I don’t think I’m the right girl for you.”

There’s a silence. The chatter of the café seems distant. You feel half inclined to apologize as you look at him and stare down the glassy tabletop as if trying to find his reflection for comfort—but then he beats you to the punch.

“You’re right…” he starts softly, mustering the words, and you’re almost proud to see him take it so well, but then there’s a viscousness to his next words. “You’re not the right girl for me.”

When he looks up again, his face is warped—callous and seemingly disgusted by the sight of you. Something about it even seems to lash out at you, seeking revenge.

“I can’t believe I thought I saw something in you,” he sighs. “Turns out you’re exactly what everyone warned me you would be—just a plane-boring old Jane. What a joke—wasting so much time on something so worthless. Forget breaking up with me, I should have broken up with you a long time ago.”

He gets up in a rush and bears over the table, both palms laid flat upon the surface.

“Charity case?” he seethes, then conjures a fake laugh and an even faker grin. “I couldn’t have put it better myself. Enjoy sitting here alone like the loser you are.”

And even though you’re the one watching him walk away while ordering a chocolate sundae for yourself, you can’t help but feel sorry for the poor guy… 

That had been the most emotion you’d ever witnessed come from him.

Obviously, he doesn’t take it very well, stumbling through the café before bursting out the door, but even he’s surprised by how disheveled it had made him. He’s hyperventilating when the fresh air hits him, almost sprinting to his car so that he can lock himself inside it.

But the car only makes it worse as he’s far from alone in there. You’re everywhere. On the hood, waiting for him with a smile. In the rearview mirror, waving at him. In the seat next to him with a pout, asking if you can stay over. In the backseat, naked with a coy twinkle in your eye.

He knows! He has some of your underwear at home—he’ll threaten to pass them around campus unless you beg him to take you back. No, what’s he thinking!? You’ll never come back to him that way. Fuck, what can he do, what’s he supposed to do!? He just called you worthless—what that fuck was he thinking?!

The tears startle him as they drip down and splash upon his whitening knuckles, where he grips the wheel for dear life even as the car stays completely still—safe and sound in the same plot.

There’s a light pink lip balm on the dash. Yours. You must have left it there—maybe on purpose? No… you don’t play games like that. You’d been honest in the café. The fact terrifies him—his heart seems to want to reject it at all costs, the way it tears in his chest.

He picks the slim pink stick up and rolls it around in his hand, which can’t seem to stop shaking. You’d sat on his lap in this very seat, laughing at something dumb he’d said while applying the very same balm on his lip—kissing his forehead while saying something sweet. He knows it wasn’t, but he imagines you’d whispered that you loved him.

When he smears the balm around his lips this time, he imagines kissing you and your soft lips and that everpresent smile he never bothered telling you was pretty.

He’s such an idiot. The birds in the parking lot take flight at the jostling of his car, but no one hears the roar.

And as he sits there in the following silence, wallowing in his own self-pity and regret, he can’t help but feel like the lead of some angsty teen romance.

And like the lead in an angsty teen romance, he swears… whatever it takes… he will win you back.

You will be his again.

♡ BNHA – Bakugou, Dabi, Hawks ♡ JJK – Gojo, Naoya, some young type of Sukuna, or Toji ♡ HQ – Tsukishima, Oikawa, Sakusa, Miya twins ♡ BLLK – Reo ♡ AOT – Eren

♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist ♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist

[pineapplepr1nc3ss888]

distracting yourself really works wonders, learn about the different states your brain goes into to help you achieve pure consciousness cos it really is that easy. just make sure you are relaxed first you want to enter this meditation with a clear mind so do some deep breathing first i promise it will help just do anything to take your mind off whatever u are stressing/thinking about when you feel more calm do your meditation!! ✨ i like to do alpha state first and i think the key (key for me anyway) is to set intention you are doing it for relaxation it will help you enter it knowing ur not trying to force it because you want instant manifestation that can be achieved ONCE ur aware ur in it, intend to yourself that you are doing it solely to relax that way you won’t keep focusing on your 3d or your senses you are purely focused on your mind. lie where you feel comfortable, personally i like to lie on top of my sheets i think it’s more of a subconscious signal if im getting into bed that im in there to sleep, i like to levitate my body against the pillows a bit to keep myself a bit more awake but not enough that it’s uncomfy for me🌟 have read many success stories about yoga nidra which first time i attempted i felt myself properly float it felt like i floated up to ceiling in my room was so freaky but i kept calm, second time i got to a point my heart accelerated so fast i couldn’t feel anything but my own heartbeat but i was also too tired to focus so fell asleep. but last night i purely did this for relaxation cos i already had the knowing i can manifest what i want when i enter, if i try to force it with the intention of manifesting i know ill keep focusing on my senses and 3d too much so i decided to just relax and not care which i think helps, reading upon your states help but delta state is probably the closest state to pure consciousness and yoga nidra helps with that. obviously you can do whatever you want, this is just what works for me, but don’t sit and read upon methods and methods i promise. you will know what works for you. do you prefer visualisation/day dreaming? is it something you’ve done since u were a kid to a point u forget about all ur surroundings? or do you prefer affirming? affirming to the point you focus on nothing but your affirmations? of you prefer just focusing on your breath? or do you like counting? point is you HAVE to find what works for you not trying to attempt what someone else did. i just happened to find yoga nidra really works for me cos i have adhd so i can’t focus on affirming for too long and this also just REALLY helps to relax my mind to a point anyway last night i actually forgot the video was even playing 😭 i was so relaxed i just started day dreaming, you know kinda how you fall asleep during a movie and wake up and realise you have missed part of the movie. yeah felt like that for me, i was so zoned out on imagining stuff i forgot the video was even playing and pretty sure i couldn’t even hear it either i also was sure i was in void state i just wasn’t aware of it i was only aware of my day dreams that i came back to my senses and was confused how it was near the end of the video it felt like i fell asleep for 5m but i wasn’t asleep i was aware. you all will be able to induce pure consciousness stop stressing, find a comfortable position, set your intention to do it for relaxation, breathe/affirm/daydream whatever u want and you’ll forget your surroundings completely! i was there last night i just wasn’t even aware of it i was too focused on imagining stuff lol and boom you will induce it!

the distraction method by @luckykiwiii101 works wonders as well omg 🤭

[psychoticfemmm]

flashpoint

pairing: rafe cameron x pogue!reader

summary: Rafe and the reader argue over a reckless stunt the reader pulled with the Pogues, escalating into a heated confrontation. The reader diffuses the tension in an unexpected way

The argument had escalated far more than you’d intended. Rafe stood in front of you, his jaw tight, eyes blazing with frustration.

“You’re unbelievable!” he snapped, pacing back and forth, his voice sharp with anger. “Do you even realize how reckless that was? Running around with them, pulling some stupid stunt like that? You could’ve gotten hurt—or worse!”

You sighed, crossing your arms. “They’re my friends, Rafe. You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do with them.”

“They’re Pogues!” he shot back, his tone dripping with disdain. “And they’re going to get you killed! You’re not—”

“I am a Pogue!” you interrupted, your voice rising. “And I’m not going to stop being one just because you don’t like it!”

“That’s not the point!” Rafe barked, his hands running through his hair in frustration. “The point is you’re putting yourself in danger for no reason!”

You rolled your eyes, even though deep down, you knew he was right. The stunt you’d pulled with the Pogues earlier—a daring boat jump into rocky waters—had been reckless. But admitting that to Rafe? Not happening.

“You’re overreacting,” you muttered, avoiding his glare.

“Overreacting?” He stepped closer, his blue eyes narrowing. “You were one wrong move away from cracking your head open, and you think I’m overreacting?”

You bit your lip, guilt settling in your chest. He wasn’t wrong, but you hated how smug he’d look if you admitted it. Instead, you crossed your arms tighter and met his glare with your own.

“Okay, fine! I get it!” you snapped. “You’ve made your point. Can you stop yelling now?”

But Rafe wasn’t done. “No, I’m not stopping, because clearly, you don’t get it. You can’t keep pulling this crap and expecting me to just—”

“Rafe,” you interrupted, your voice unusually sweet, but he was too wound up to notice.

“And another thing, you’re so—”

Before he could finish, you grabbed the hem of your top and yanked it up, exposing your bare chest.

The silence was immediate.

Rafe’s mouth opened, then closed. His eyes darted from your face to your chest and back again, his expression shifting from anger to shock, then to something far darker.

“You didn’t just—” he started, his voice lower now, almost husky.

“You were yelling,” you said simply, biting back a smirk.

For a moment, he stood there, clearly torn between finishing the argument and giving in to the temptation in front of him. Then, with a soft curse under his breath, he crossed the room in two long strides.

“You’re impossible,” he murmured, his hands sliding around your waist as he pulled you close.

“And yet, here you are,” you teased, your voice barely a whisper.

He smirked, his lips brushing against yours. “You think you can just flash me and win every argument?”

“Worked, didn’t it?” you shot back, grinning.

Rafe didn’t answer, not with words, anyway. His mouth claimed yours in a heated kiss, the frustration from before melting into something much more electric. His hands roamed your sides, his grip firm, his movements deliberate.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he murmured against your lips, his tone laced with amusement and desire.

“And you’re lucky I know how to shut you up,” you replied, your breath hitching as he trailed kisses down your neck.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

sorry I went missing for a while but im backkkk 𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚