#and you feel like a heretic and like you're sinning for questioning god and his existence

[lewmagoo]

nothing like a 12 am spiral over religious trauma lol

[candyskiez]

usually I hate possession plots but god,I love the possessed hunter plot. because it's just so painfully resonant as an abuse victim. especially to anyone who's been abused by bigots.

like. this outside force you once loved, you spent so much of your time trying to please, so much of your time begging for the approval of, isolates you. they cause you to grow paranoid and angry, snapping at people and pushing you away from your support system. makes you seem crazy to your loved ones, making them doubt your mental health and making you question your sense of reality because you can't tell what's real or not anymore (gaslighting, baby!) you're cut off and overwhelmed. you get put in situations where you're forced to do things you don't want to, you're in so much pain, you're being treated like something with no wants or thoughts of their own. you're stripped of your autonomy. you're belittled for what you wanted and told THIS is how you're supposed to be, and you're so miserable. you're pitted against your loved ones. your abuser tries to make all your loved ones hate you so you come back to them, so they don't lose you. and belos being a horrifically realistic portrayal of an IRL abuser makes this so much worse. he craves Caleb's attention and tries to force hunter to fill that void. nevermind HES the one who robbed himself of caleb in his life by killing him. he tries to make hunter his shoulder to cry on, his therapist, his punching bag, his doctor. uses him to look at himself and go "see! look how good I'm doing! my family is back and he finally loves me again!" , he is obsessive and horrible and cruel and so horrifically realistic. he strips hunter of his autonomy, and in the shit that will start sounding familiar to people who grew up in bigoted families:

forced him out of what made him most comfortable. literally grew out his hair against his will, treated how he'd changed his body and wardrobe to make himself more comfortable as something that tainted him.

also just. holy shit the violating him like that. just the fucking undertones. it's fucking horrific.

and that's why him fighting back is so huge. because he has the strength to say, no. fuck you, no. this is my goddamn body. this is my goddamn life. he takes all these things he LOVED. he loved, that belos had taught him he was sinful and a horrible person for not despising (hm, allegories) and says, fuck you, I WANT this. I want this, I love this, you tried to teach me to hate it but I don't. I love it. I love it, and you didn't break me. I want to leave the coven, I want to leave you. you hurt me, and I said sorry. you used me, and I said sorry. I am done being sorry. I am done feeling bad. I want this life you're trying to take from me. I want to go to the boiling isles and I want to have a life there, in that world you hate so much. I want to go to the boiling isles and be sinful and disgusting and everything you hate and I will love it. I will be happy. I will be free and everything you hate. and I miss when I thought I could please you, because it was simple. but I am happier as a heretic and as a sinner, and you can't change me. I tried to change myself for you, I just ended up miserable. you can't make me something I'm not. I tried. and I am done trying. I am hunter. fuck you, my name is hunter. my name is hunter, and you hurt people. it doesn't matter if you were trying to help me. you hurt me. and I am done, and I am leaving, and most of all I will never let you hurt anyone else like you hurt me.

and he fucking got it, man. he fucking got it. he went through HELL and he still came back swinging. the death feels symbolic to me almost? losing a part of you in traumatic events and you have to live without that part. and you got out but you lost pieces of you in the process, and that stays with you.

but he keeps going. he kept fucking going man and THAT is fucking amazing to me. he kept going. ohhh my god. I wish I had this when I was 13. hunter isn't as massive of a hyperfixation for me anymore by a long shot, but goddamn. I love this dude. I LOVED the possession scene so fucking much and it will always resonate with me so, so hard.

[chaotic-good-hawke]

“Aw, you’re blushing like a rose.” for Damita and Leliana if you're still taking prompts

Thank you for the prompt! It took me a while, but here it is! This is an interaction I have wanted to write and this prompt fit perfectly with it! 

Antivan Flirting,Damita x Leliana, 1032 words

Link to fic on AO3

They were incamp, settling in for the evening before hitting the road again on their monumentaltask of uniting Ferelden, something that was seeming more possible as theytravelled. The moons were high tonight, casting bright light on the camp andforests below. While normally Damita would have stopped to admire the night skyand the beauty around her, she was on a mission. She needed advice.

Damita hadtried to ask Morrigan for advice, but she had just rolled her eyes when shelearned the topic. She tried Wynne, but it was more preachy than anything,discouraging her with good intensions. Gave her something to think about butdidn’t answer her question. Asked Alistair, but he just started blushing more,shifting and stumbling over his words. She was not going to ask Cathal, knewwhat his opinion would be. And she didn’t know how to bring it up to Ciembe andCatheryne, they were so much more experienced than her.

She had finallyworked up the courage to approach them, but Zevran had intercepted her. Heoverheard her ask Alistair and offered to help. Hesitant at first, she followedhim to the edge of camp where he coached her through the things to say. He wasso convincing…and Ciembe seemed to like what he said well enough.  

“Zevran, youare sure this is what I should say?”

“Yes, say thosephrases and she will fall into your arms.” He winked. “It always works for me.”

Feelingawkward and uncertain, she gave him a tentative smile and walked across camp. Sherepeated the words in her head, the ‘flirtatious lines’ Zevran had taught herin Antivan. They seemed sweet enough.

Breathing inand out, focusing on her breathing, she hyped herself up. This is fine, shethought, you can do it. Just say the words and then…Maker, what am I doing?

She turnedback around she saw Zevran, he gave her a double thumbs up and then shooed heron, encouraging her toward her goal.

Resigningherself to her course, she continued on towards the fire. Leliana was there,with many of the others of their party, playing lightly on her lute. It was easyto get her to follow her away from the group, even as Damita was stammering outher words, trying not to blush.

“Yes? What is ityou wanted to tell me, Damita?” Leliana looked curious, her eyes focused sointently on Damita.

Maker, I’mdoing this.

Before shecould lose all her resolve, she blurted out, “Si la belleza fuera pecado tu notendrías perdon de Dios.”

Leliana blinked andthen a look of utter surprise flooded her face. “What was that?”

Oh no, maybe I saidthat one wrong, I’ll try the other one!

“Mejor que me des un mapaprecioso, porque con tanta curva seguro que me pierdo!” Damita tried to lookalluring, but she may have looked more panicked than anything.

Leliana stared at her,before her hand flew to her mouth and she started softly laughing, her shouldersshaking.

I messed them both up…unless…

A sneaking suspicion enteredher mind about a certain Antivan rogue…

“Did Zevran tell youthose?” Leliana asked.

“Yes…they do not meanwhat I think they mean, do they?” Damita asked, dread filling her as a blushwas building.

“Well, the first thingyou said roughly translates to ‘If beauty was a sin, God would not forgive you.’Which is a great compliment, if slightly heretical.” Leliana’s voice was light,her mirth spilling over her words. “The second thing…” Leliana had to containher giggles. “means, ‘It’s better if you give me a map, precious, because I’msure to get lost in all those curves.’”

Damita felt her earswarming and started fiddling with her robe. Zevran is going to pay…

“Aw, you’re blushinglike a rose!” Leliana said, reaching up a hand to Damita’s face, turning uptowards her. She was smiling wide, the traces of laughter still painting herface with joy. “I appreciate the effort, Damita, but you don’t have to usepretty lines with me.”

Leliana leaned in,placing a kiss to her cheek. Damita stood frozen, not sure what to do, her thoughtsflying this way and that, delighted and unsure in equal measure. Before pullingaway, Leliana whispered into her ear, her warm breath tingling against Damita’ssensitive ear, “Eres mas linda que las estrellas en el cielo.”

Damita tried to memorizethe words, imprinting them to her memory. She watched as Leliana pulled away,still grinning, and returned to camp, humming a tune under her breathe as shewalked.

She stood there forwhat seemed like ages. She played the words back, making sure she had themright. Damita placed a hand to her cheek, where Leliana had kissed her, feeling…hopeful,trepidatious, and…happy.

“So, how did it go?”His teasing Antivan accent broke through her muddled thoughts.

Damita turned quickly,crossing her arms in front of her, giving him a stern look. “You lied to me!”

“Exaggerated, perhaps.But did it work?”

Damita opened her mouthto tell him off…but Leliana had kissed her.

“I knew it would!Zevran Arainai is a master of love!” He proudly declared.

Damita just scowled athim, but with no real heat. “I hate you.” He laughed in response.

“I am wounded!”

Damita considered herwords, but she needed to know… “Zevran, I…Leliana said something to me, but Idon’t know what it was…”

“Do tell.” He lookedeager, leaning in slightly.

Damita sighed and toldhim.

“Ah, she is quiteskilled with my language! She said, “You are more beautiful than the stars inthe sky.” Damita blushed deeply, again. “I think she likes you, my friend!” Zevranlaughed again, looking all too satisfied with himself. Damita narrowed hereyes.

“You are going to teach me Antivan, Zevran. Actually teach me.” She tried to lookfierce.

“Of course, my friend.”Zevran said, laughing and throwing his arm around her. “I will teach you thelanguage of love!”

What am I gettingmyself into? She thought, chuckling softly in response to her friend andshaking her head, before she dragged him back to the campfire.