#and you STILL go to that empty lot to scream at a store that isnt even there anymore

[butch-bakugo]

Sometimes I wonder if the terfs know that they are single-handedly the only reason this post has 10k notes and is still active. They are litterally the only ones still crying and whining AND ADDING to this 5 year old post.

A post I made so long ago, I don't even identify as a lesbian anymore and haven't for over 3 years.

And yet, the fact still remains, the only thing they've added to it are unhinged trauma-screaming tags and just literally copy-pasting what I wrote and changing the keywords. Like they can't even be creative and bigoted, just bigoted XD

If your "lesbian safe space" has terfs in it, its not a safe space for lesbians. Its a safe space for transphobia and cis women, thats all.

[yenqa]

ADVANTAGES

in which…

on jay’s live, fans point out a stuffed animal on his bed, one that seems to be the other piece to your notorious missing pair. as imaginary pieces start to connect for fans, the viewers beg for some kind of interaction. and though you and jay have never met before, why not use this situation to your advantage?

warnings : crying, panic attacks, depression is depicted but isnt really said, lots of bad self talk, food/eating, having no appetite, just lots of bad mental health talk and depictions, hurt/comfort, god this chapter is PACKED

wc: 1829

i’m sorry that i couldnt be your teenage dream.

not proofread!

☆

It had been a week and a half since you had seen anyone.

Well other than the cashiers at the local grocery store but that made you look even more pathetic. 

You haven’t been well, at all.

It was a horrible sight, honestly you couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror without cringy. You had no productivity and had planned to do nothing for as long as possible. 

You were surprised your body hasn't exploded yet, since all you had ate was instant ramen or the three meals you could cook total. 

Today was one of the worse-r days. Three hours into the new day but your mind couldn’t seem to sleep one bit.

You had zero appetite, your room was a mess, it was worse that you couldn’t even sleep away the days even though you were so tired. Your eyes were glued shut at night but your body couldn’t stop fighting the feeling of sleep. 

So here you were, eye bags almost able to give the color purple a run for its money, and so puffy it felt like a balloon was stuck in there. But your eyes hadn’t shed any tears, instead you felt like nothing. Like you were just floating around with no purpose or any feeling at all.

The empty feeling in your head made you unable to do anything but scroll on your phone, letting hours after hours pass by rewatching your favorite show at least a billion times. It seemed like the world had gone gray, like the world was ending and you were the only one feeling it.

A part of you screamed at yourself to get a grip, to stop being so dramatic and realize there are still good things in life. 

You tried to get better, you really did. You had researched on how to get over this drought but you never could. So every night you would lay in your bed, trying to figure out what was wrong with you.

Mornings have always been your least favorite part of the day. But it seemed to get worse with every second that passed. 

Realizing you still had a whole day ahead of you seemed utterly impossible to finish, but still you would reach your hand out to the finish line, only to miss every time.

You had six hours until it was the appropriate time to wake up. You couldn’t call anyone for help, you couldn’t text anyone in the middle of the night. It was your burden, so you had to keep it to yourself and hope and pray it washes away over time.

Your phone has been your only sense of livelihood during your dull days. If you had been wasting hours after hours at least you had been doing something. 

Before you could think of the consequences, you had thought of searching yourself on the internet, just for fun. You clicked on the first source, hoping that someone would see your side of the story.

No it was not fun–you wish you could warn yourself because the title of the article read; “All you need to know about Y/niora and why she’s trending”

We’ve all seen the names “Y/n” or “Y/niora” trending on X, who is she? Some might wonder. In this article I’ll be going over everything she’s done wrong, and why fans hate her for it.

Y/n is a popular streamer on twitch, known for her funny commentary and her boyfriend Jay, but recently she’s shown a darker side to her.

Her boyfriend, Jay, is also a twitch streamer, a much more popular one at that. He’s known for his good looks and his random reactions that have us crying with laughter, but why would he date a nobody like her? 

If you’ve seen Y/niora’s X account, you can see that she posts provocative photos of herself, things that only lead to temptations of male fans. Fans speculate this is the reason they met, saying that she seduced him and used him for money, fame, and views.

If you know anything about streaming, you know BlueJay and his friends. Who stole the internet's hearts with their looks and cute personalities. But things start picking up between Jay and Y/n when she posts their matching stuffed animals, officially presenting their relationship to the world.

This seems to be a bad move on Y/n’s part, as her facade starts slipping through and we get to see her for the calloused person she is. 

She continuously shows her disinterest in anything he’s saying. Making him repeat everything he’s said to her. This strikes up the question, does she really care about him or her fans?

Arguments of this exact topic have been trending among fans, some saying

You closed your phone before you could read anything else. Flipping your body over you could feel tears start to form in your eyes, your vision goes blurry and your breath starts hiccuping. 

Wiping your wet cheeks, you start to panic when you feel like your throat is closing up, placing your hand on your chest to try to calm yourself down. 

That clearly doesn’t work. As you swear you can feel the walls closing in beside you. In a last effort to stop your ugly sobs, you open your phone once more, your breath quickens when you open the phone app, calling the person that you need the most right now.

The ringing on your phone shakes you more, “Please answer, please answer, please answer.” You croak out desperately, glancing at your window to realize it’s the middle of the night, and he’s probably getting the nice sleep he deserves. 

Unlike you who only makes things worse, and can’t even get a wink of sleep at night.

You sob harder after the fifth ring, realizing that he’s not going to answer. And you have to do this on your own–

“Y/n? Are you okay?” His voice brings relief to your ears, that’s until you realize the state you’re in. 

“Jay I’m so–so so sorry for calling you this late.” You rasp out, “I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t stop shaking and crying, I just–fuck” Bringing your hand up, you grab a fist of your hair, not knowing what to do or say.

“Are you at home?”

“Yeah, I am.” You choke through, words barely coherent.

“I’m coming. Stay there, okay?”

“Okay.” 

His tone is so soft it scares you. How could he be talking to you so sweetly knowing the mess you made? How could he be talking to you so sweetly knowing that you are burdening him at such a late hour?

Your throat tries its best to keep your hammering heart inside your chest, but it closes up, your breath is so uneven you're not even sure you’re breathing at all. 

That is until you let out a soft apology into your phone, but it’s covered by your staggered breathing, and the sound of you stuffing up your snot back into your nose.

The silence coming from him is apparently meant to drive you insane. Because the nausea of it all starts to get to you, your condition is crippling so you can’t even move from your curled up position on your bed.

You can hear your door slam open, eliciting a strong flinch from you. 

Your heart seems to be racing too fast for your liking, almost like it’s fighting to get out of your chest. “Jay?” You mutter, as you can see his dark silhouette standing through the doorway. 

Before you can actually decipher if the man is actually Jay or just some random burglar who found your spare key, you feel his arms wrap around your body, tucking your head into the space between his neck and shoulder. 

You conclude that it’s Jay’s warmth you’re feeling right now.

For a second you feel safe, for a second you feel like he’s just hugging you, not because you are literally having a panic attack. 

That snaps you back into reality. God were you really having a panic attack over an article? That you chose to read? 

Feeling your chest tighten and your eyes water up, you tuck your head impossibly deeper, letting your tears and snot get all over his shirt. 

It’s grossing you out how you can physically feel his shirt dampen with your tears, but you’re too focused on figuring out how to breathe rather than the mess you made on his shirt.

“You can let it out, or you can just cry, I don’t mind.”

You sob even harder than you were before.

He’s so warm. He’s so warm. And you have no idea why it’s the perfect descriptor for him. 

“Jay,” You mutter, being muffled by his shoulder, “I’ve ruined everything.”

His arm rubs your back gently, “You haven’t ruined anything, pretty.” He whispers, talking like if he speaks any louder you’ll crack into hundreds of pieces (you actually might but that’s not the point).

“I have! You can’t even deny it without lying,” You hiccup, “I mean—I’m trying so hard, but I can’t do anything right.” You pull your head back to look up at him.

He stays silent, letting his hand cup your face, wiping away any tears that fall down.

“And I’m so tired. I’m so tired of doing everything I can but still being hated for not doing enough. I mean who wouldn’t? I can’t even cook a proper meal, it just goes to show how hopeless I am.”

“Y/n you can’t possibly think about yourself.”

“I can because it’s the truth.”

He tucks your head back into his shoulder, “Y/n, not being able to cook a proper meal is okay. Some people never learn how to cook an egg.”

Your breathing calms down slightly, you let out a small chuckle, trying to stay forever in his warmth.

“I’m sorry for calling you here so late, I know you’re tired from streaming or something.”

“I could never stay away from you for too long, even if it’s in the middle of the night.”

Letting out a breathy smile, you look back at his face, a small smile spreads through his face looking at you.

Your eyes were tired, for the first time in a week your body was tired. “I’m going to go to sleep. Thank you, Jay, seriously.”

He gets up from your position, you feel the absence of his warmth even though he just got up, he’s about to walk out the door when you build up the courage to ask, “Can you stay? Just for tonight?”

Looking back, there's a smile on his face as he replies “Always.”

Walking back to you, he lays himself under your blanket, tucking you in before wrapping his arm around you, he pulls you into his chest.

And for the first time in what felt like forever. You fall asleep, in Jay’s arms.

☆

back masterlist next

yenqa > um title is reference to teenage dream by olivia rodrigo! umm hope u enjoyed while i ripped my heart out and put it in my writing… thanks!

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yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[thequeenb]

Come Back (part 2)

Poppy x MC

It has been highly requested for me to continue the cheating fic.

Here you can read  part 1

I walk around the campus with Chloe and Veronica by my side. Its been three days since Bea left and it feels like eternity. Everyone looks at me weirdly ever since the incident and i honestly can't blame them. Carter never dared to approach me after he read what the T said

"So we are going to go to the veggie restaurant for lunch?" Chloe asks and Veronica shrugs

I didn't realize that they stopped walking, my eyes were fixed at the Anthropology classroom where i used to wait outside for Bea to finish. She always seemed bored as hell but every time she saw me her eyes sparkled, her smile was bright

I stop, running my hand through the door watching Miss Kingsley sitting on her desk. Our eyes lock and for just a moment i feel ashamed, before i remember who i am.

"Can i help you Miss Min-Sinclair?" she politely ask and i hesitate to walk in

Who can help me? The one girl i let inside my heart left and its all my fault. What could she do? Bring her back?

Regardless i walk further looking around the classroom. My gaze falls to Bea's seat, she always sat there so she could easily text me during boring lessons. I chuckle remembering how many photos i sent her just so i could provoke her

Without thinking twice i walk towards that spot sitting down gracefully. Miss Kingsley seems to pick up with me and she comes to sit down next to me

"I know you miss her, we all do but we cant control everyone's decisions, only ours"

Normally i would roll my eyes ignoring every criticism because Queens don't make mistakes but she is right, and it hurts my ego even more

"You read that trashy blog don't you? Everyone did and now they hate me even more" i sit back thinking how Bea used to sit right here, being happy..free

"I try to avoid it but Bea told me that she won't attend my classes for the rest of the semester" she takes a deep breath

"She seemed sad, that means what she felt was real enough to break her when you--"

"Don't even say it" i try not to tear up but i cant. The images of Carter grabbing my face and kissing me cant escape my mind and i let the pain take over

"So Pops, Bea Hughes huh?" Carter said approaching me. He asked to meet behind the field but i ignored the red flags, he said it was important

"Is that why you asked me to meet up? So we could analyze my relationship? Maybe we can have a sleepover like besties do" i roll my eyes ready to storm off but he grabs my hand pulling me against him

"Don't run before you can walk Pops, after all we don't want Bea to know about our negotiation" his hand was stroking my hair but i went stiff not knowing how to react.

When we were a couple it was bearable but now all i want to do is scream. We got together for the fame, for my reputation. Because he was the football captain, its funny isnt it?

"Get your hands off of me Carter" i manage to say but he just smirks

"You know i can get her expelled with one phone call" his laughter echoed and my heart stopped beating

I didn't realize how close he was until he leaned in capturing my lips. A bright flash hit my eyelids. I gasp in surprise pulling him immediately away

"You are so disgusting" i storm off not wanting him to see my vulnerability. Tears ran down my face but back then i didn't think much of it but now i know that was his plan.

I come back to painful reality. Miss Kingsley holds my hand and i feel tears run down my face. Fuck don't show how weak you actually are

"She went back to Farmsville, you still have time" she gave me a faint smile and i throw my arms around her

"Thank you" i whisper in her ear while she pat my back not knowing how to react. I pull away adjusting my clothes, ready to pack my bags

____

"I can't believe you are back! I am so glad" And here she is, my childhood best friend wrapped her arms around me suffocating me in her hug

"Wow there, you will kill me" i laugh embracing her tightly. After everything i have been through seeing Charlie is like a dream come true

She pulls away, her smile never fading away and it warms my heart. She always knew when i was upset but never said a thing, she tried to bring my mood back in her own way

"Come on! The dinner awaits for us" i link out hands together walking down the road of Farmsville. I missed the fresh air, the people who knew me since i was little

Here you don't have to fight for respect because its something you deserve regardless. No ranks, no drama, no sassy students. Just me, nature and my best friend

We finally arrive at the dinner and we sit down to the booth we always do. I sink to my seat and oh god, i missed this place

"So tell me everything, we didn't had a lot of time to talk" Charlie says excitedly, thinking i will tell her my happy adventures but my mind keeps drifting to Poppy

I brush these thoughts away smiling "This is going to be a long ride"

We enjoyed our food chatting about the T, the professor, my plan to take Poppy down, how amazing Zoe is and how extra mean people used to be when i first went there

"Oh wow, they really have a blog to embarrass students?" Of course she is shocked, so was i and honestly every logical human would. But the students of Belvoire created a world of their own

"You have no idea, they made fun of everything i did" i roll my eyes but then laugh "soon enough they ate from my palm, silly rich kids"

"I am glad you came back, it sounds toxic" oh Charlie you have no idea

I gaze at the window remembering how much i wanted to take Poppy here. She always laughed at the thought but i know deep down she would like nothing more. I wanted us to walk down the empty streets, take her to my parents farm and watch the sunset, do everything she didn't let herself do

Charlie seem to notice my distant stare and pats my hand "Hey what's wrong? I knew something happened, your social media was filled with happy moments"

I don't dare to look at her because she knows me too well at this point

"What made you decide to leave?" she places her hand on my shoulders pulling me into a side hug

"Remember the mean girl i told you about? We were dating" i exhale heavily, my mind racing with that damn image of her and Carter making out

I fill her in with the details, sometimes i smile missing our happy moments. But then i show her the image and my tears threaten to escape. How could she do this to me? After everything that we had been through

"Oh sweetheart i am so sorry" she says hugging me tightly. This time i let her hold me closer.

I grip at her shirt as one simple tear turned into body wrecking sobs. Poppy's voice message still plays in my mind over and over again. She said she loves me but her actions show that she hates me. My heart breaks once more, knowing well that i will never see her perfect smile again, hear her surprisingly cute laugh

"Let it all out, i am here for you" Charlie pats my back, running slow circles with her palm. That always calms me and she knows, because ever since we were kids whenever i was in pain she was always there.

A part of me regrets leaving Belvoire but most of all i am glad i returned to a land where people are real and genuine, away from cruelty and drama..away from Poppy

I pull away wiping my eyes but before i could even pull myself together i watch a black limousine stop right outside of the dinner. Everyone looks stunned because hello? This is a small town which celebrity would visit?

"Oh my god i am sorry Bea but if this is Lady Gaga you have to take a picture of me" Charlie stands up and i roll my eyes

Some people came out of their stores wondering who this might be. We step out forming a circle on the sidewalk waiting for the mysterious rich person to reveal themselves

"This is stupid let's just go" i try to pull Charlie away but she is so stubborn, typical

Everyone whisper questioning the same thing, who the hell would be so rich and know where Farmsville even is. I sign impatiently

That until a man gets out of the car and everyone stops talking. The man walks around the car carefully opening the door. All eyes are on the limousine waiting for the person to come out

The first thing i see is a pair of red heels and then oh my god you have to be kidding me. My breath stops, everyone around me fades and my gaze is focused on her, am i dreaming?

"Bea?" Her sweet tone destroy my inside and i froze. What the hell is she doing here? How does she know where i am? I swear if Zoe told her i will kill her but oh wait she is approaching

"We need to talk"

My knees feel weak and i stop breathing for a second. I need time to comprehend that Poppy Min-Sinclair is in my town, here with me. Oh boy what did i get myself into

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @tyrils-star @nydeiri @justastranger-passing

[chrysomaline]

new england gothic

very specific to a town in central nh

-you live with Plymouth State University. no one know it exists or that plymouth the town exists. its a top rated school but the people in the next town over tell you they’ve never heard of it. suddenly youre not so sure you live anywhere, really.

-the cafe on main street is always extremely busy, but while you wait you can get a donut from the container on the side. they are not from dunkin’s and no one knows where they come from. the flavors change but the strawberry frosted is always there and there is always only one. its delicious. do not buy the maple creams. the coffee is from plantations in south america and puerto rico that the cafe owns. it is superior and rare and they are a small cafe in a little college town.

-the small grocery store in the back of the cafe shelves the beer directly next to the kids drinks. their parents sometimes joke about buying the kiddies a bud instead. alcoholism runs rampant.

-there are cars that dont belong here, in this small rural town. they are sporty and chrome-wrapped, iridescent and buzzing like cicadas with a baseline. no one drives them. they go in circles around the neighborhood. the clicking of their engines is always somewhere behind you.

-the way the main street works is its a big roundabout, and the shops are on the outside, and the inside is the town green. the town green is well cared for and there is a stone for Nathaniel Hawthorne, who died here. his stone is always clean. no one cleans it. Nathaniel Hawthorne was a great American writer. We are proud of helping him die.

-he is accompanied by a bronze statue of a boy scout, who used to be a fountain, water running through his cupped hands and splashing into a small pool below...he kneels on a boulder and his eyes are raised to the sky. there is no water now. his hands are raised in supplication as he begs for rest, his eyes hollow and now staring at the ground. he was always that way. he is an example to the boy scouts of plymouth. im not even sure we have a real troop.

-if you walk past the cafe at lunch time all conversation stops, like if you pause a movie, and the customers watch you go. they do not blink and their necks crane further than you thought possible. as soon as you get past the second window, everything resumes, as if there was no pause. be ready for it to happen again when you pass by the other windowfront.

-the Rand’s hardware store has a wall of novelty soda. weird names and odd flavors. make sure to read the label to the cashier to make sure it’s the right one. the store gives you the soda you deserve. try the s’mores flavor! try the sour dog piss (it’s lemonade, we’re sure), the bacon soda tastes wrong...try the birch beer. it’s not birch beer.

-every student of plymouth high school is desperate to get away from plymouth state. no one wants to stay here. they all scramble to go to boston. The alumnae return after a few years, bright and shining, and talk about how great plymouth state is. you will love plymouth state, they say, changed my life. they smile and show you their lanyard. tears well up in their eyes.

-the Rand’s also has a downstairs where they sell things like doorknobs and plumbing parts. they sometimes sell chicks. you are allowed to play with the chicks, but it feels like a trap. they are in the center of the floor and everyone can see you. they watch you. they watch how you crouch on the floor and breathe shallow. the chicks peep in fear. the next time you come in, the chicks are gone. Rand’s stopped selling them a long time ago. How come you can still feel their tiny hearts thumping against your fingers?

-Hong Kong Garden is a two-story chinese restaurant. The restaurant is in the bottom half, located down the alleyway. it’s okay food. the street-level half is a bar, and it is always empty. no one ever goes to that bar. no one is in there. sometimes late at night there is a game of pool and you can see the balls rolling around under neon barlights. no one is in there.

-every year, the pemi-baker river floods. it only really ever gets to the off-ramp from the highway, but then it blocks the only two gas stations in town. they are right next to each other and they are both deemed unusable for a few days as they fill with brown water. the Irving paints a line for each new record flood on the wall, writing how high it was next to it. i think the highest was 9 feet. every year someone tries to drive through it, and they swear something shoves into their car from below, and the firefighters have to write it in the report again.

-yes, there are dunkin’ donuts everywhere. the taste of donut never really leaves your mouth. the afterthought of acrid coffee is enough to make you retch but somehow you get another cup. you have empty iced coffee cups littering your backseat. they were never full.

-if you sit in fox park long enough, you will feel leaves falling onto you. even in the middle of summer, if you sit still, the leaves will fall. it is perpetually autumn there. the leaves on the tree are still summer green but the ones in your hair are dead and a dull orange.

-speaking of, just dont go onto the kancamangus highway when its leaf season. the road is winding and peepers have a high inclination to park on the curves. they will stand in the middle of the road and hold their cameras to their faces. they cannot put them down. “isnt it lovely?” they ask, if you slow down or stop for them, “dont you just love living here?”. they dont move their cameras away from their faces, taking picture after picture of the same tree. they are gone when the leaves all fall. sometimes i see a camera laying in the piles at the bottom of the cliff. sometimes the shutter is still going.

-you live on the same street as a few of your teachers. they beep hi at you if they drive past and make small talk in Hannaford’s. they always look jerky outside of school, like an old puppet, like theyre not being controlled as carefully. their hands shake as they place a jug of milk on the conveyor belt. their lip trembles if you ask if they are okay. they are not allowed to answer that question. if you ask them about it in school they say they do not remember seeing you in the store.

-there is only one radio station. the college station doesnt count, because it’s just for the college. i only ever get the one station, 105.7 The River, and it’s from boston. they play good songs. they are a good station. sitting in the walmart parking lot (its on a high hill), i can get other stations. they are filled with screaming. Maybe we are being protected by the river.

[everyman0]

WALLS TO BREAK US

so i know i dropped all communication for the past several months...and evans fucking journal might have you believe i sat on my ass the entire time but that isnt the case. I didnt intend on sharing this information, frankly. but my time is running out now, evans already gone. this account of events will be all i have left.

i cant leave this place. i dont even know where the fuck i am supposed to be to begin with.

there is a house. a neighborhood. stores. a town. but nothing has a name.

there are people, but despite the gift of sight i was given, i see nothing of them. like empty thoughts given a shell to walk around in.

i thought at first, a couple months ago when i was first allowed to walk outside again, that they were real and that i was simply too overwhelmed with shock to really notice what was wrong here. but now i see it. i see it because there is nothing to see. these people aren't people at all, more like ghosts. 

at least im not entirely alone. there's still the house and asterion.

ive walked to the store many times, even got assaulted in the parking lot. Was that guy a ghost too? I dont know. but i havent only gone to the store - ive walked around the entire town. know what i finally realized, several days after i had made that exploratory journey?

there are no cars here. none being sold, none being driven, absolutely fucking nothing. no bikes either. no skates, no skateboards, no heelies wheelies or fucking feelies. not a single mode of transportation of any kind.

theres a bus stop though! thank fuck for that! oh wait, it's fucking useless. i have not once seen a bus in this god forsaken place.

imagine the anguish i felt upon realizing that despite being able to steal groceries just fine, i cant even hope to steal a car to drive as far away as i can from this hellhole. but it doesnt stop there.

of course it doesnt.

so alright, no cars. but i still had my legs, right? (and still do, somehow.)

so i figured if i cant drive away, i could at least saunter the fuck out of this place and maybe determine some sense of location on planet fucking earth. i set out. i walked in one direction from the house to the town and onward. and onward. and onward. for five fucking hours.

i found nothing.

but it wasnt your average nothingness like that of a long rural road, as it had originally appeared to me. no...instead, i eventually encountered what i call the Edge. here, the road stutters into an impossible blackness. here, if you turn your head, you can see how the blackness runs parallel to the world around you, bordering everything for miles. real truman show type shit.

the real kicker is when i discovered that only i can see it.

like any good scientist, i did some experimenting. kicked some cans, threw some rocks, all hurtling in the direction of the black wall. to my surprise, the items phased through it. swallowed might be a better word. i couldnt see or hear if the objects landed on the other side, if there was even a side to land on beyond the boundaries of ink. so then i decided i needed an extra set of eyes, and brought evan along a few days later.

this is the first and last time i let him outside in my care, and for good reason.

we arrived at the Edge, and evan was immediately annoyed at me as i had stopped walking just a few feet before the black wall. i asked him to explain what the problem was. he was like, "dude, you told me there was some shit i had to see and we have been walking forever. where the fuck is it? is this it? because it looks like a whole lot of fucking nothing."

i then asked, "what does this nothing look like to you?"

evan was growing more confused and angry, but i didnt want him to know what i did until i knew what he did first. i didnt want to contaminate his perception by revealing my own. i needed to be thorough and absolutely sure of our experience.

he threw his arms in the air in frustration, "a road, vin. it looks like a road, the same fuckin' cracked asphalt we've been following for miles. forwards and backwards, road."

evan took a step forward, into the blackness. i saw the tip of his foot disappear, sliced by the unfathomable wall. evan didnt seem to notice anything different, standing there with his arms crossed. so then i knew at least one thing for certain: only i could see the wall.

however, until seeing evan's foot just barely phasing through the wall, it hadnt occurred to me if i could pass through it too...or at least touch it. before, when i had been throwing cans and such, i didnt dare get too close to the black edge. i had no idea what would happen, and wasnt particularly interested in finding out at the time. all i could gather was that, just like the rest of the town and even the house herself, it was designed to keep things inside.

as it turns out, evan was not one of those things intended to stay. i stood there pondering silently, and watched as evan began an impatient pacing along the length of the wall. an imperfect, wobbly hobble across the street and back; i saw arms and legs flash in and out of the blackness as evan walked, still taking no notice. evan couldnt see the difference like i could, and he wasnt the prisoner these walls were meant to encase. so who was?

well obviously it's me. at least, i'm somehow a part of the equation i think. and then i figured now was no better a time as any for me to make my approach and reach out - touch the wall, see what happens, inwardly hope it just kills me on the spot, and so on.

but right as i had decided this, i hear evan angrily spitting an expletive and turn, marching off beyond the pitch black walls. guess he was tired of waiting on me, and you know ev - always runs in head first. i word this story now as if this is something i remember fondly about evan, but let me be clear: in that moment of time, standing in the middle of some fucking road behind a maliciously black prison wall, a wall of which evan was now beyond and impossible for me to see any longer? leaving me, alone?

i fucking hate how much of a hardheaded ass evan is sometimes.

i was so caught off guard by evan's sudden disappearance beyond the veil of the Edge that what that meant didn't register until several seconds later when i found myself clamoring towards the wall. i yelled for evan, then screamed for him. my hands meet the black surface with a loud plang as if the wall was made of glass, but the way the wall felt against my skin is indescribable. i wailed my fists against the presumed surface, the noise of the impacts reverberating loudly. this lasted a few minutes.

evan eventually came back...and he seemed just as he were before, except maybe even more annoyed as he began to once again pester me on why i was just standing there wasting time. he got his first round of bitching out before he noticed that i had tears running down my face, looking disheveled.

he changed his tune and asked me what was wrong, what the fuck happened. his confusion was telling - he hadnt heard me screaming for him to come back. i wiped my eyes, faked a chuckle, and told him it was nothing to worry about and that maybe it was best to go home for now and try some other time when im more 'in the present.'

i decided that i wasnt going to tell evan about the Edge, at least not right then. i needed time to gather myself back together, since the resulting panic attack had taken a lot out of me for one day. But even after i had taken that time...

i didnt want evan to know about the wall. fuck, i know its selfish, but i didnt want evan to know that he had the ability to leave this wretched fuckhole but i didnt, that i was trapped and he wasnt. its not because i wanted to spare evan the heartbreak of knowing his friend was doomed...but because i didnt want evan to get the idea that he could abandon me without consequence.

i didnt want evan to use this knowledge as an escape plan to get away from me.

not wanting evan to leave me wasnt the only reason i didnt tell him though. there was still so much i was uncertain about; hell, i still wasnt sure if just being outside the house put evan at risk. i took a chance in taking him to the wall and he lasted well enough during that time...but given what was discovered, even if evan could sit out on the lawn every day and not a thing touch him...the very existence of the wall was a dangerous game of chance.

this is why i did not want evan to go back outside again after this incident. i couldnt trust that he would truly be safe...and i couldnt trust that he wouldn't just run away on me. i completely fucked myself in both ways, though. he's out there getting hurt or dying or already dead because i pushed him far enough to truly fucking hate me.

even now, ive no idea what happened to evan after he ran out of the house. Maybe he never made it past the wall again.

maybe this post is the first time he’s hearing about it.*

*IT IS, YOU SMART BOY. I COULDN’T JUST KILL HIM BEFORE YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF AS A HIDEOUS EXCUSE OF A FRIEND. THE PAIN WILL ADD FLAVOR! MAYBE I’LL GIVE YOU A TASTE.

>>

[huangfilms]

Pet Shop Worker!Kun

summary: i volunteer at different places a lot so i don’t stay in one place for more than a week or so but i started volunteering here and wow you’re kind of cute so i think i’ll stay here for a while

requested by: my sweet baby munchkin @kunuwu thanks for waiting oh-so-patiently for this!! i love you sweetie!

(A/N) here ya go,,, it’s been such a long wait for this i am so sorry sweetheart but! i have finally written it! it took a lot of perseverance for me cause i have no motivation for literally ANYTHING and i didn’t know how to approach this but!!! i hope you liked it I Love You and your random messages about nct in the early morning <3 (also im sorry that hs tutor mark isnt out yet i’ll probably do all these headcannons first HAHA)

let’s say you’re a college student

and you love to volunteer places in your free time cause you live like this

everyone knows that you volunteer places but never stay volunteering at one place for too long

cause you like to explore and see what you like

and this week you decide to volunteer at a pet store near your dorm cause!! you love animals

so when you first go in youre in awe because wow! these animals are super cute fat uwu

you walk up to a worker to ask where you can sign up for volunteer hours

and this worker looked a little surprised cause no one really volunteers

also

this worker was kind of cute....... just saying

anyone with eyes would agree

but anywho

so he goes into this office thingy and gives you this paper which you could fill out and start volunteering the next day

and you take a look at his name tag and it says ‘kun’

when you’re done filling the paper you’re all like, ‘thanks kun! the name’s y/n! i’ll see you tomorrow!’ :)

he gives you a smile and you melt and then blush 

you hope he didn’t see you blushing cause it was pretty intense

but he did

he found it endearing cause you’re cute too

so anyway it’s the next day

and you come into the shop at around 1 pm so you aren’t really early but you aren’t late either

when you go in you’re greeted by kun who probably saw you walking to the door

he hands you an apron and told you that you could feed the animals, the food is in the back 

while you’re feeding the fish, you sneak a few glances at kun

boy was attractive how could you nOT

and sometimes he would already be looking at you with a shy smile

but then he would turn red because you caught him

and throughout the whole day you guys are just like,,,, smiling at each other and just looking at each other

blease talk to each other or something

it becomes like 5 pm and you wanted to go eat but you still wanted to go there after cause it would be open until like,,, 9

you go and tell kun that you’re just gonna go to the fast food restaurant down the street and ask if he wants anything

you also add in if it’s okay that you go back after eating

and he says that he has dinner packed in the staff room, and that yeah of Course It Is Okay

so you eat or whatever and its like 7 when you walk back

and when you come back in, you see kun talking with someone

you don’t want to disturb them so you check on all the pets quietly

you can faintly hear them talking, and you hear your name so you look up very subtly

‘how’s your new volunteer? do you like them????’

you can hear a slap and you try your best not to giggle so loudly

‘they’re really cute but i just met them yesterday so i don’t really know how they’re like’

‘‘do you plan on getting to know them??? you’re blushing’

and then his friend laughs and you hear another slap

‘in all seriousness though, i think you should, it wouldn’t hurt to try!’ and then when you walk near the birds you can see his friend waving bye and exiting

you clear your throat while looking at all the accessories to make it look like you just weren’t listening to them

‘oh, y/n! you’re back whendidyougetback’

and you look over to see him red in the ears

‘i came back around thirty minutes ago? i didn’t want to bother you since you were talking with someone.’ and then you smile at him

and he just flushes even more ‘did you hear what we were talking about?’

‘you just shyly nod at him, and then he groans a little but before you could filter your mouth you say

‘i think you’re cute too’

and now you’re the one who’s blushing

then you two begin to talk to each other and then it becomes 9 pm and suddenly he’s walking you home

walk you home by nct dream? i agree

you find out that he goes to the same college as you but you guys major in two completely different departments so that’s why you’ve never seen him

but you find out that you guys have mutual friends

inch resting that you guys haven’t met until now LMAO

so anyway he just goes in a quiet voice, ‘i’ll see you tomorrow?’

and you grin and say ‘of course! see you!’

and when you turn around you’re grinning so hard your face starts to hurt

fast forward a weeks

you and kun become really close in that small time frame

and one day you get a text from your close friend doyoung, ‘what place are you going to volunteer at now??’

you reply, ‘actually i think i’m going to volunteer at the pet store a bit longer than usual’

he only sends you the eyes emoji cause over the week he visited you like twice but he see you throwing heart eyes at that dude kun you work with

he doesn’t know much about him cause you refuse to say anything

you reply to doyoung saying that you two are just friends 

anyway you’ve been going there everyday at the same time and kun always walks you home

you two are always joking around but he still gets a little shy

i mean it’s understandable you get a little shy sometimes

like when you guys are walking to your home sometimes your hands would brush and you get really shy

but anywho!

fast forward to like a month later

and you don’t have the heart to volunteer any place else cause you like spending time with the animals

and with kun

he’s gotten bolder

he hugs you when you guys say bye at your door

he asks you out to lunch when you don’t volunteer and he’s off of work for the day

he’s just been a little flirty too

during the month you meet some of his friends briefly when they go into the store

and they’re all loud but its all g cause they’re cool people

he meets some of your friends too

like your younger ones who have Very Big Mouths

‘yeah they Never stop talking about how cu-’

‘OKAY chenle you can like,,, go now!! by e sweetie !!!!!!!’

what kun doesn’t know is that you texted chenle saying that you’d buy him ice cream if he never says anything else while hes in there ever again LMAO

and chenle quickly shut his mouth

but anywho

since the pet store was closing a little earlier than usual, you ask kun if he wanted to go somewhere instead of straight home

you two go to the park near by and just talk and play around on the swings and chase each other around when one says something jokingly

when you guys become tired, you sit on a bench under a light and just take a breather

‘so i’ve heard that you don’t really stay in a place to volunteer for more than a week’

you freeze cause WOOPS

‘what made you stay?’ and then he laughs a little but you can see that he’s blushing as well

‘a certain worker was friendly and interesting so i guess you could say i stayed to get to know him better’

you’re looking at the floor when you say this though

and theres so much red on your face its pretty comical

then kun laughs a bit and you look up at him cause he’s so-

cute

and his laugh is literally your favorite sound sigh

it’s like the gates of heaven open up-

just kidding the gates of heaven open up when he smiles

but anywho !

you two call it a night and you guys walk to your house

while walking, you felt kun grab your hand and intertwine your fingers

abby: screaming

your mind: chaos

HE’S HOLDING YOUR HAND ! 

so you squeeze his hand and then smile up at him

when you arrive at your door, you lean up to kiss his cheek!!!! and then he

he gets flustered !!!!!!! what a cutie :’)

‘i’ll see you tomorrow kun!’ and then he’s just frozen at your doorstep with a big grin and he just waves

cause his mind is in overdrive hes sure he won’t say anything coherent if he opens his mouth

when you shut the door, he leaves with the BIGGEST grin on his face that his cheeks are sore when he gets home

okay so the next day! 

when you arrive at your usual time, it’s quiet in the shop

and that’s unusual cause kun has at least a few of his Loud Friends over so you kinda miss the noise

it just feels,,,,, empty

there are some other workers and they’re looking at you With This Look and its a little weird

cause why??? are you??? looking at me??? like that???

and when you see kun his back is to you

and then you go to tap his shoulder and ur about to say

‘yo what’s going on’

but then he turns around with a cute lil puppy and the puppy is wearing something

he grins and just hands the puppy to you

‘go out with me’

‘kun how am i supposed to go out with a dog isn’t that be-’

he kisses you

on the Mouth

WOOOOO

YOU ARE GOING! CRAZY! 

you really don’t know what the Freak Is Going On but hey you kiss him back!!!

it’s a weird angle since you still have the dog in your hands LMAO

he pulls back and he gives you a Cute Lil Smile HNNGNGSKJDFSF

anyway fast forward like a week or something

you tell kun that hey!!! i think it’s time i start volunteering somewhere else!!!

and he has a pout on his lips and hes all like ‘whatever makes you happy bub!’

‘you make me happy’

and he blushes HEHEHHEHE

but when you start volunteering some place else kun visits you all the time

and he gives you sneaky kisses and hugs you Every Where You Go

when both of you guys aren’t working/volunteering, you guys go on cute dates

one time you guys went to a dog cafe and?? the most?? precious??? ever??????

but anyway this is getting Really Long so! 

to end: kun would be just as soft with you as he is with the animals

he will always walk you home if you’re out late

Everything Is So Good and soft and 

one day you guys adopt a pet together! so that means you guys moved in somewhere in that time frame LMAO

but anyway !!! kun with animals is such a soft concept ugh my Heart Is Fragile Don’t Touch Me

Masterlist

[thelastpilot]

Miss Me- One Shot

I was talking with @tides-miraculous who, while we were talking about criminal lack of Nino (and Adrien’s interaction with Nino), mentioned jokingly that Nino could straight up move to Morocco and no one would notice. And then I proceeded to send to a 4k word one shot about exactly that. So keep in mind this was all in a text long so it isnt fantastic and the grammar isn’t wonderful lol, but I wanted to post it anyways. (Tide’s commentary has been kept lol) ((also i know phones dont work on planes just let me have this))

Angsty Nino one shot below the cut

tides-miraculous

Boy could move to morocco tomorrow and you won't notice

thelastpilot

it would take adrien three days to notice he wasnt there

tides-miraculous

Adrien: *calls nino* " Hey, Nino you sick or something haven't seen u in a while

Nino: *hangs up*

thelastpilot

aw thats sad

aw that makes me really sad and i just had a whole idea for it

tides-miraculous

…listen

Why we gotta back the salt angsty

thelastpilot

bruh this is our thing, you say something sad and i make it worse

its always time for salt on the pain train

tides-miraculous

It's hella sad cuz man. Minus headcanons and crap we got nothing to back them up and be like "naah this shit ain't happening"

Cuz boi we know Nino cares. He got akumatized

For his frickin b-day but besides that nothing really on Adriens side

Not to mention all the hugs

Daamit Nino you're too good for him what is This?!!?

I'm so confused I'm trying to actually think or canon stuff to back them up and filtering fandom stuff and HOLY shit!??!

thelastpilot

He was thinking 3,000 miles. That was about his current guess. Nino awkwardly shifted the mishappen box in his arms to tap his phone awake from sleep mode, and looked for a moment at the photo of him and adrien on his lock screen. That was an old photo... Maybe 4,000 then. Nino tried to ignore it as he placed the last of his things in the car, taking off his hat and throwing it into the backseat. The car hadnt been started yet and his parents were still inside, and despite how crowded Paris was for the moment he was alone on the sidewalk. He tapped his phone again. He was bound to be halfway gone before anybody even realized

tides-miraculous

AAAA NO

NINO

U DEADASS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY

thelastpilot

He was 3,728 miles away before he got a text. He was nearly 4,000 before he got a call. and after that, the calls never stopped. Nino felt himself curling inward in the plane's seat as he screwed his eyes shut, furiously ignoring how his phone shook in his hands. Or maybe it was just him. He bitterly recalled the order to shut off his phone during flight and moved to unlock his phone, but even that was interrupted by another phone call.

He watched it vibrate for a while and let it go to voice mail. There were three there already

He was getting them from everyone now, Alya was sending the most texts, but Adrien was relentless with the phone calls. Out of everyone it was Adrien he felt the most betrayed by. Maybe he knew that...

tides-miraculous

AAAWWWW WHHAA

thelastpilot

Nino almost liked to picture Cat Noir showing up at the window of an empty apartment, he was just angry enough to take some kind of bitter feeling out of that. How he probably showed up to ask for a favor, wondering if he had been joking about leaving for good. His halfassed apology would have echoed back to him in the vacated rooms, the carpets dirty in the places where his family had walked for years and spotless in the spaces where his bed and desk used to be

Adrien called again

He didn't answer

tides-miraculous

FFFF

My heart I'm so sad

thelastpilot

"I can't talk. I'm on the plane" he found himself typing, interrupting the indication that Adrien was about to send another message. his finger hovered over the send icon, but he pressed it still. He wasn't sure what he was hoping for, what he could possible want, but his chest hurt and he could feel hot tracks of tears on his face. He was trying to be quiet, his parents asleep besides him, but his phone wouldn’t shut the hell up. It had always been silent before, it was only now that anybody seemed to care about reaching him

"The plane?" Adrien's text replied immediately. "You're serious? Nino please you have to be joking, I saw the place was empty but you just moved, you're joking"

"I've been joking for months now? Are you serious dude? You thought I was fucking lying?"

Nino wasn't sure what the point was in arguing but he wanted to argue. If he had the space he'd be screaming. "Nino," Adrien answered instantly, clearly waiting by his phone. "You're just gone? You're gone and you didn't call? you didn’t even say goodbye?"

tides-miraculous

I'm am currently in a quiet hallway at a cubicle absolute losing it

thelastpilot

That pain in his chest grew cold, and he shrunk even further in his solitary, cramped space 30,000 miles above the black ocean. and he typed out what he had been thinking the whole time. "I didn't think you'd even notice."

Adrien called again.

He didn't answer

tides-miraculous

Mother fuck

I am so sad

thelastpilot

He declined the call and typed out despite Adrien’s clearly frantic attempt to reply. "I've been packing for a week and a half. I was 3 hours into the PLANE RIDE before anyone even noticed. If you had even so much as spoken to me in the past two months maybe you would have fucking known about it. I tried to tell you and you were never fucking there. you dont get to do it now."

tides-miraculous

Oh shit go off nino

thelastpilot

Nothing. Adrien started to reply and then stopped. He started again but stopped again, and after awhile there was nothing. And nothing His phone went quiet, and it was familiar to him, but somehow felt even worse. The cabin of the plane was dim, and it was aisles and aisles of people facing forward into darkness with headphones in, numbly and distantly checked out from their surroundings as they waited and waited in perfect, straight lines. And he was alone in the crowded, dark space of strangers and cut off goodbyes and lost homes and silent phones. And he cried.

He clutched his phone and he cried

tides-miraculous

Lmao what the SHIT

Yea so Nino's heart died and I died

Thanks

thelastpilot

you're welcome im in pain also

tides-miraculous

Okay baby boy just go to Morocco fucking live it up. Idk fu slipped in his miraculous into his luggage and now his jade in morocco done

Come back for uni. Shits still bad between friends kinda but they bond as heroes

I'm trying to fix this

thelastpilot

i got a thing hold up

tides-miraculous

Please

thelastpilot

Agadir was a long way from home, and it felt really different in a lot of ways. Every way, honestly. It was by the ocean, which was new, and about over 50% of the people there didn’t speak a word of the only language he knew...so he found himself alone a lot. 'Nothing new there' he thought to himself bitterly. Moving in made it easier, he had something to do. He was out of school for the rest of the year and was probably going to start a year behind when enrollment happened again, so he had nowhere to go and no one to keep track of him. His father started his new job almost immediately, and his mother was wrapped up in adjusting. So when the few things he owned were set up and the last of the boxes were stored out of sight he would leave, and start to explore

About three months in he was running out of places to get lost, starting to recognize streets and having an easier time winding his way back to the dust colored box apartment that was 'home'. He would walk and someone might say something to him, but the words were rounded and he didn't understand them. He would then spout off the only Arabic he knew now. "I'm sorry, I don't understand" and he'd keep going

He was on the beach by himself, observing work day traffic on the raised streets when his phone rang

Nino sighed, shaking sand from his hands as he shifted his position to allow him to reach for his phone. He was working on figuring out where he was well enough to tell his mother when he looked at the screen, and his brow furrowed at the unfamiliar number

He sighed a second time, ready to rehearse his one line of arabic as he answered, saying plainly and without enthusiasm, "Hello?"

There was a sharp gasp, and then a harsh, familiar rush of desperate relief. "Oh god, you have the same number, yes PERFECT, thank god. Nino, holy crap I didn't think it would work"

Nino was frozen, the waves crashing a short distance away from him before he sputtered out, "ADRIEN?"

"Yes!!," his old best friends voice answered immediately, laughing uncomfortably, but still relieved. "It's me Nino. I- listen please don't hang up, I'm begging you give me just a second. Just thirty seconds of a call please."

There was silence, a thousand jagged emotions rooting Nino to the spot, but Adrien didn't wait for him, instead thinking aloud. "I can hear the waves. Are you near the water? Nino listen I-..." There was a silence, but in the need to not waste his half a minute he continued, the words rushed together. "You have every reason to hate me. I would hate me too. I DO hate me... but i can't do this. I can't just leave it knowing that I fucking did this. I made you think I don't care. I can't live with that. I need the chance to say it..."

"Adrien-…"

"No, I didnt come this far to have this talk over the phone, tell me where you are. I can be there in five minutes. Well, maybe a minute more I'm still near the airport-"

tides-miraculous

AAAWWWWW

thelastpilot

Nino heard something muffled, a female voice shouting something to him over the din of background noise mixing with his own ambience of the waves. There was another one as well, and then a garbled, distant message projected over speakers in arabic, and Nino felt his stomach drop out.

"Wait, you're fucking HERE?"

tides-miraculous

Yeas blond use that cash for good!!!!

thelastpilot

(Will continue in just a minute)

tides-miraculous

BRUH take your time

I'm still crying so everything's good

thelastpilot

"Where are you? the beach? there isn’t that much beach right how much area is that?" there was more distant talking, and adrien was clearly eager to move. "I cant take this phone with me. Give us just one chance, please nino wait for us we'll be right there." "US?!" he responded incredulously, but the line was already dead, the hang-up tone loud in his ear

he pulled it away from his face, staring at it in disbelief like perhaps it hadn't even happened. and just like that it was only him and the waves again, no other passerbys on his beach that morning

anyone who was on the beach might have seen something odd, streaks of color dashing past that weren't from around. a group of kids moving a little too desperately, dressed strangely as they fled to the coast. Nino wasn't sure what to do, getting increasingly nervous as he walked the shoreline, his hands balled up into fists in his pockets and his back to the north. minutes ticked by and his heartbeat was loud to him, and he felt that bitter, numb something crawling in his throat. all the harsh and hurt things he wanted to say

but as he passed beneath a weathered and abandoned dock he heard three impacts in the sand behind him, and those words died in his throat

he turned slowly... stalling by obsessing over the gradients in the sand. The pattern of broken wood, the stench of ocean draped around them and clinging to the dock. and three lost friends, letting magic fall from their shoulders and leaving them exposed in front of him

they all felt exposed, in the moment. at least, for once, the ground they stood on was even

despite all their intentions, and all of his pain, and all of the distance, no one said anything at first. They stood in the shadow of the dock and the kwamis milled nervously, shooting each other glances but not interfering.

the waves creeped up, and slipped away, and Nino watched them. after a while, he shook his head

tides-miraculous

THEY ALL CAME

DAMN GUYS

thelastpilot

"gangs all here..." he muttered quietly. After a moment he felt he had to add, "I admit... i didnt see this coming"

"We would have come sooner..." Marinette spoke quietly, her voice almost out of place in his head. It had been awhile since he had last spoken with her. "It was hard to orchestrate. But we were trying from the day you..." she hesitated

She was going to say 'left', but she stopped short, unsure of herself. Saying that he left didnt sound right, even though in literal terms it was the best way to describe it. but it made it sound like it had been his decision, that he left THEM. and that wasn't what happened

There was silence again and the three heroes seemed agonized, but unsure of themselves. They watched as well-worn anger passed across Nino's expression. "So what? What happens now, guys? Is this the part where you say you're sorry, and that’s all supposed to be good enough and then it’s just better? ..." his voice dropped, and he looked down into the sand. After a pause, "Coming all the way here is... not what I expected. but clearly nobody has any idea what to say."

The waves echoed in their small, dim space, and just looking at them standing there so unsure of themselves… it made him angry. His hands were balled into fists at his side and his body was tense. That horrible feeling chipped at his insides and it felt like it was suffocating him.

"Nino-" Adrien tried to speak next, his expression horribly pained, but Nino couldn't hear it. He spoke clearly enough by Nino realized in a flash of sharp pain that he was incapable of hearing it. He didn't want to see him dare to pretend. Like he was mocking him. "Shut up!" he cut him off, his voice hard and hitting adrien with enough force to push him back a step.

"I get it, okay!?" Nino spat at the three of them, trying and failing to keep his voice steady. "I understand. It fucking sucked but it always made sense to me. You're busy, you're all busy you have so much shit that you have to do, so much is expected and you have this whole other part of your lives that doesn’t involve me, but it involves each other doesn’t it? You have each other. That was enough for you, and I get it alright, I fucking always got it." He grit his teeth and he nailed Adrien to the spot just by looking at him... but his voice wavered. "It always made sense to me..."

tides-miraculous

On one hand I want them all to make up and hug it out but on the other... GO OFF NINO

thelastpilot

"You're important. You're important people with important shit and you got all caught up in everything else. In the fight, in the fucking powers in all the bullshit in EACH OTHER," he couldn’t help but add, throwing out a hand to gesture harshly between Marinette and Adrien. "You had other shit going on, you always did. You weren't bothered with me being there so I didn't bother you with leaving. I was surprised anybody even noticed."

He looked away from their expressions, his heart cracking just that much more. They looked... horrified, and he didnt want to see it. He didnt want to fucking make it easy for them. He was angry

tides-miraculous

NINOO

thelastpilot

"I was attatched to how it had been before, but looking back to some degree it was always like this and I get it. Once Alya joined in it was harder cause then I was the only one left behind all the time, but I got it. I'm not saying you should have stuck around. I'm not saying that you had to... i'm not even saying you owed me much of anything at all. But you owed me a goodbye..." His voice cracked and he folded slightly, fists uncurling so he could cross his arms, but it felt more like holding himself together. "Fucking listen to me... im sobbing about this shit again and I'm sick of it. But you fucking know what? out of all the people standing here I was not the fucking one who owed you all a goodbye. It wasn't me. You all left me behind and you did it way worse. You did it over MONTHS of just leaving me out and ignoring me and putting me off, if you were done with me you should have just said it...

The pause between his words was deafening. The dock creaked in the wind that picked up, the ocean churned as if it had been disturbed, and Nino, who was sick of crying over all the same things, cried. And he hated it. "I understand why you left me behind... but I don't want to hear you apologize for it. Because even if I'm stupid for it I still just wanted you guys to be alright. And if you are doing what you need to now then all the best... But if that picture didnt include me then you never should have pretended that it did. You made me feel like i was part of your 'team' but I fucking wasn’t and I GET IT, but im sick of pretending..." Nino raised a hand and rubbed harshly at the tears, angry that his hand was shaking. Angry that he kept crying like a child. Angry that this even still hurt

"I just wanted my fucking friends..." His voice shook again and he shrunk in on himself, standing on the coast line of a whole other country, out of place and lost and too far away from all of them, even when he was finally right there. "They told me we were leaving. they TOLD me they didnt ask and do you fucking know, how much I just wanted someone to tell. And I tried, for ALL OF YOU and there was no one there? cause there was never anyone there? I was losing EVERYTHING, I'm in this fucking place where I cant even speak to half the people here and i just want to go home and I cant and theres no POINT."

"I was freaking out and I just wanted my friends and you weren't there... so why the fuck did you bother? Whats the point of THIS!? Whats the fucking point of even coming when NO ONE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY"

there was a space there, so grand and torn that he couldnt see any way across it. and in a lot of ways he was looking for one. Nino wanted, in the deepest kind of honesty, just to go to his friends. He wanted to just pretend it was fine and be with them while they were there. He wanted someone to miss him, and he felt like no one did. He felt like no one ever did. He didn't want to look at their faces and play in to the fantasy in his head that they were sorry. He didnt want them to trick him into forgiving them. He didn't want to-

tides-miraculous

Yeas I read a line and think "wow my heart can't break anymore" then I read the next and I'm provide wrong

Just shit this is actually so heart breaking what the shit girl this is golden

tides-miraculous

"He wanted someone to miss him, and he felt no one did. He felt no one ever did" I AM SOBBING

thelastpilot

He felt them around him, Alya's face buried into his chest, Adrien reaching out, Marinette stumbling to be behind him. It was like something had broken further in that rift and people were falling, desperate to do anything. Part of him wanted to shake them off. But part of him held them too. He was too unstable to support their weight, all three of them speaking but the words not reaching him. As they noticed that he couldnt seem to hear they became more desperate, but Alya's words were unintelligible with tears and Adrien was too quiet, too far away. He felt like they were all sinking into the sand, and he murmured wretchedly. "I just wanted someone to miss me..."

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," it sounded in a chorus, bursting through their sentences wherever it could fit and each sounding different in their voices. They spoke over each other and Nino looked at none of them, shaking with anger but not falling. They lowered into the sand and they supported him, kneeling together under a battered, ruined dock and begging for him to listen.

"You're right..." it was one of the first things that caught his attention.

Nino looked over, the girls falling silent and looking to Adrien. His head was hung low, sand coating his jeans as he sat there, defeated. Miserable. When Adrien looked up he met Nino's eyes, and Nino could see how far down it went. It was like there was a pit behind his eyes that sank lower and lower, and he said it again

"You're right... and i'm sorry... I dont know how to say it... I don't have the right words to explain it. We were wrong... I was wrong. But I can't do this. I can't stand it Nino, seeing this. You're in the wrong place, and you were scared and I wasn't there and I wasn't ever fucking THERE and I didn't notice that you felt like this. And it's my fault. But i can't let you say what you said nino i cant stand it. I can't stand you saying that you understand why we pulled away, because there is no WHY," adrien shouted, his voice cracking and faltering. "You talk like we were right to do it! Fucking leave you behind because of what?! We have no excuse! There IS no excuse. I left my /best friend/ to feel like we were better off without you and I CANT, I- I cant..."

"Nino... I don't know how to make you believe that I love you, because I gave you a hundred reasons to believe that I don't. But god Nino I miss you so much... I miss you so fucking much and I don't know what to do."

"... you were fine without me before-"

"I wasnt! That isn't what that was! You're right, we got caught up in all this other shit, I took for granted that you would always be there but I never pulled away because of- because of ANY of that shit you said, like we were better or too busy for you, too important. I never hesitated to believe that you would always be there for me and I forgot to make sure that you knew the same... I never imagined you leaving because I couldn't picture us without you... I know you don't believe me- fuck," he bowed his head, a sob wracking through his chest and shaking him. "I never tried to think about what you being gone would feel like because I never thought it would happen. But then I was standing in your room with everything torn off the walls and I lost it, and I lost you and you were thousands of miles away... I have no excuse, there is no excuse... but I've been desperate to get here because I couldn't let you think that I didn't care. that i didn't notice...

Marinettes quiet voice shook and wavered, Nino's eyes turning to her as she clung to him and cried. "We should have been there... we should have-..." she repeated herself quietly, desperatly, and Alya spoke into his chest, her words thrumming against him and her tears wet against his skin as it soaked through the shirt. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry DJ- I, we..." she sobbed hard,folding against him. She turned her cheek to him and said something that stood out on its own. The second thing that truly stood out. "I love you. WE love you. We love you, I love you I'm sorry I'm sorry"

Marinette whispered something and she wrapped her arms around his stomach, her face turned into his back. Adrien was bent forward over himself, but he was reaching out, one hand on Nino. Marinettes quiet, broken, wretched chant chipped at him, his anger and hate and injustice slipping through his fingers... like sand in the ocean. "We're here... we're here... we're here."

tides-miraculous

AWWWWW

thelastpilot

He was so far away, kneeling by the ocean with something too big and heavy to survive in his chest. He was displaced, pulled away from his home and tossed to the side and left alone in a city with foreign grating words, and cold, stretching oceans. He was left alone with the knowledge that no one would come for him, and that no one would notice. And heard the only thing, he had been waiting so long to hear. "We're here... we're here... we're here"

  ~~end of story~~

tides-miraculous

WOOT MY HEART IS IN SHAMBLES

Girl u deadass just spat out a one shot like it was nothing

AND IT HURT

ALOT

thelastpilot

... i kinda hate the mental image of nino kneeling in the sand of a foreign coast and above him it just says "i just wanted someone to miss me..."

tides-miraculous

STOP