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heejojo · 3 years ago

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Love Isn't Beautiful But With You It Was

✰ summary: y/n and niki's journey from being enemies to friends to much more than that.

✰ pairing: Niki x fem!reader (and a Jay apperance)

✰ genre: fluff, angst, enemies to childhood friends to lovers

✰ warning: a few sad scenes but I'm not sure they'll be too bad! death

✰ word count: 1.8k (the most so far tbh)

a/n: this is my first fanfic so please leave comments about what should be improved. if you have any requests feel free to leave them! it's past 12am now and I need to sleep but I hope you have a nice day!

prompt gotten from @moonlight-chi77 thank you!

“Love isn’t beautiful but with you it was”

Life disappears in the blink of an eye, but the memories created and the human connection formed does not. The memories created are embedded in our hearts and follow us through different paths of life. Whether those memories are good or bad, they become something we reflect on in later moments.

Nishimura Riki couldn’t exactly remember the first time he met you but all he knew was that he had never hit off with someone the way he did with you.

September 2012

Although Niki couldn't pinpoint the exact date you guys started talking, he knew it was in September of 2012. He knew at first he disliked you and wanted nothing to do with you because you had stolen his spot on the swings.

“That's my spot, I told Jay I was going to stay here forever,” he said while his friend who was behind him nodded enthusiastically, backing him up.

“Your name is not on it and you didn’t buy it so why should I leave?” you asked him without coming down because you got there fair and square.

“I called dibs on it,” he said while puffing out his chest.

“Dibs are for babies,” you say while continuing to swing. “I’m not a baby,” he retorts.

“If you say so, then why are you wearing a Talking Tom T-Shirt?” you ask and his face begins to turn red. “It's cool, isn't it Jay?” he nudges his friend asking him for support. “Cool man, girls just suck” Jay responds and they both leave. “At least I dress myself!” you yell at their retreating figures

After that day, Niki made it his mission to disturb you every day and never wore his Talking Tom shirt again after that day.

August 2016

“Niki!!” you screamed as you felt another water balloon hit your leg. At this point, your entire body was soaked. The young boy continued to laugh and run as you chased him. You were beginning to regret spending your summer break with him when you could be watching TV instead. Eventually, you give up chasing the blond-haired boy and go into the house to dry off. Thirty minutes later, Niki comes in with a bottle of orange juice as a form of apology. You snatch it without further thought and drink it. Looking up at him after you finish drinking it, you both burst into a fit of laughter. “You’re lucky I love food,” you say. Maybe spending the summer with him wouldn't be so bad.

December 2018

Your crush on Niki was painfully obvious to everyone but him. Your friends teased you, his friends teased you yet when you were together you denied it with so much vigour. Niki had liked you for a few months now. Everyone was enjoying the slow burn that was going on between the two of you; the soft glances across the room, the way you always looked for each other among crowds, the way he knew where your secret birthmark was even though your close friends didn’t.

It was the way you complimented each other that made everyone cringe and aw at the same time. The jacket you got him for his birthday was his most prized piece of clothing and the only person he let touch it was his mum. This year though, you gathered enough courage and told him how he meant to you and how you were content with being just friends even if it hurt a little. But you weren’t expecting Niki to say he felt the same way, even more so. Your friends heaved a sigh of relief and choruses of ‘Finally’ were echoed.

It felt good being with someone.

January 2019

Everyone argued with people they loved right? Your parents did, the old lady that sells fruit and her boyfriend did so you and Niki weren’t an exception. After being childhood friends for so long you’d think you could trust each other enough to talk about the things that bothered you but he refused to, claiming that he didn’t want you to see him in a different light and how it would hurt his pride. You would tell him that no one knew him more and cared about him the way you did. At times, you’d let it go not wanting to push him but that day you couldn’t take it.

“We need to talk. Why have you been avoiding me these past few days?” you asked him.

“I’ve just been busy” he replied.

“No, you’ve been avoiding me. I know you well enough to know when you're hiding something” you said.

He wouldn't budge, he never did especially when you cornered him like this. He started to get irritated and said, “I said I’ve been busy so forgive me if I can’t give you attention all the time. Not all of us are as clingy as you” You winced; it was your fault for pushing him to the edge like that. Nevertheless, you wouldn't give up. “ I just want you to say how you feel and what bothers you. I’d never look at you in a different light and you know that. You might want to be strong but it’s okay to show some sort of emotion, it doesn’t make you weak rather it makes you look like someone that acknowledges what is wrong and doesn’t try to ignore the problem or solve it on their own” you comforted him. As the words entered his ears, you could see the walls surrounding his heart crumbling. “It’s okay to ask for help or just to rant to someone. Even if we won’t be able to provide an immediate solution, it should help” you added taking a few steps forward and grabbing a hold of his hands. You squeezed them tightly.

“I...I’m just scared you’ll leave once you see the not so perfect side of me” he managed to say. “I will stay with you, why don’t we make the best of everything without worrying about the future?” you asked while smiling. He returned it and pulled you in for a hug. “Thank you, truly,” he said and you smiled under his embrace.

After a few minutes you spoke up, “Oh yeah, Niki?” you called his attention and he hummed in response. “Don’t ever shout at me like that again, I can deck you and you know it” you said.

“Got it, boss. Sorry for being a jerk”

June 2020

You usually went on diets and exercised a lot but you were losing weight at an extreme rate and you weren’t even on a diet. Niki was worried but you brushed it off telling him it was stress from school but it got worse. You found it difficult for you to balance yourself, you felt nauseated, getting even more frequent headaches and being tired all the time so Niki decided that enough was enough and took you to the hospital. Neither of you had expected the result of the scans that were run.

“I’m sorry but there is a tumour in your brain,” the doctor said. The air left your lungs. “You can choose to get the surgery and live in the hospital for 8 months or live with the tumour for 3 months” he continued. You thanked him and left the hospital. The elephant in the room was very much alive and neither one of you wanted to address it. Did you want to stay in the hospital for the rest of your life or did you want to say with your loved ones? You thought that they would go through and that won’t be worth it.

“Niki” you called out.

He looked at you with a sad smile and just pulled you in for a hug, careful not to hurt you. “Do you want to tell your parents?” You nodded. You couldn’t just leave without saying anything. Picking your jacket, Niki drove you to your parents house.

“I just wanted you guys to know, I couldn’t just leave without saying anything,” you said with your eyes cast downwards. You couldn’t bear to look at your mom who was already crying or your dad who was blaming himself even when it wasn’t his fault or your sister who was basically your best friend. Niki had given you guys privacy but you knew it was just an excuse for him to be with his own feelings.

“I’m going to stay close to home in the meantime so I can be closer to you guys,” you said. Your eyes were already becoming glossy with tears. You inched towards your mom, taking her hand in yours and said, “You did an amazing job of being my mom and I love you so much”. Moving to your dad, you said “You did a good job of protecting me so don’t think otherwise. Let’s make all the memories we want to now without any regrets”. At that, your sister burst into tears “I… I can’t bear to lose you” Your heart clenched. “I can’t bear to lose you too” She continued crying. Your mom wiped her eyes and said, “From today, live the way you want to. Eat what you want and do what you want.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Niki staring watching the whole scene. After an hour, I stood up and went home with Niki. The car ride was a long and awkward one. When we got home, we just slept hugging each other.

Starting tomorrow I was going to live.

July 2020

The pain is getting worse but the smiles on my family and friends faces are enough to keep me going. I wrote letters and got gifts for them. Niki looks at the calendar every day, I can’t tell him to stop because I can tell he’s hurting so much. Why can’t I just be okay for everyone?

August 2020

The time comes faster, Niki and I went on a getaway for a few days. He deserved a break from everything that has been going on.

September 2020

I never thought I'd die as silly as that sounds. I asked my parents and sister to leave when I got to the hospital. Niki refused to leave and stayed there till I took in my last breath. He kept crying begging me not to go and how he’d do anything.

“Does it hurt a lot?” he asked between sniffles

“No it doesn’t, it just feels like a needle” it hurt like a truck.

“Liar”

I chuckled and held his hand till I couldn’t anymore. “I love you’’ I say as the lights fade.

╔═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╗

Dear Nishimura Riki,

When you see this, it means I’m already gone. First of all, don’t beat yourself up too much. I could write for ages about how much I love you but now that I need to, my mind goes blank. You’ve done so well for putting up with me, hats off to you. You might not want to but move on, even though id like you to remember me; let your heart heal and be happy.

Take care of yourself and don’t skip any meals. Eat well and be happy, make sure you visit the places we never got to visit and enjoy yourself. Live life the way you want it every day. Be nice to people and smile more.

Thank you for all the happy memories, my love, I’ll be forever grateful for you. You made my life colourful and worth living.

Love isn’t beautiful but with you it was.

Yours truly,

Y/N.

#enhypen #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #character death #enhypen fluff

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fallenfurther · 3 years ago

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Homecoming - A social call

Chapter 3 - Jeff and Colonel Casey

Continuing with Jeff's recovery and relationships with the main characters in TAG. Sorry this one is a little later out than I planned. A flat move and no internet means I had to wait until I had time to sit in a coffee shop.

Chapters 1 and 2.

Enjoy!

***********

Colonel Casey signed herself into the rehabilitation centre for her first personal visit. She'd seen Jeff for official business, the GDF helping to re-establish the astronaut's living status as well as for the obligatory debriefs. The interviews had happened in one of the rehabilitation rooms here. The debrief of his eight years in space had taken a couple of days to complete as they had been required to work around his routine and energy levels. It had been a shock to see the astronaut so tired and struggling, but it was to be expected. She knew Jeff was on a strict routine and diet plan to help him with his nutritional deficiencies and regain lost muscle, though what it entailed she wasn't privy to. She'd wanted to visit earlier, but her position in the GDF meant she had been tied down with paperwork. Now she could finally sit down with her old friend and catch up properly. Heading down the corridor, she found his room and knocked. A short sharp military rap.

"Come in."

The voice was faint, but oh so familiar. She opened the door and peered in, excitement building inside her chest.

"I thought it was about time I paid the great space survivalist a visit."

A grin spread across Jeff's face as he pushed himself out of his chair. She crossed the room in a few strides and hugged the man. He embraced her back, though she didn't fail to notice how weak his arms were compared to the bear hugs she remembered. Her own arms had been reserved so as not to crush his delicate body. The positive was that he seemed stronger than he was when they'd first met which was pleasing, and she hadn't missed how her friend was much steadier on his feet. The need to pinch herself was still present. Seeing that footage and message had been hard, having already accepted the man's fate and moved on. The world would just have to adjust to having Jeff Tracy back.

"It's been too long." The man whispered in her ear, his deep baritones warming her soul in a way only a long lost friend could.

"It's only been two months."

"That was official business. Your lack of uniform tells me this is the social visit I've been waiting for."

Jeff was right and the smile on his face said he knew it. He'd always been this way, so sure of himself. It was what had gotten him so far, and probably why he was still here now. The confident stubborn man. Memories of days gone by, from when Jeff had first started putting International Rescue into motion, flooded her mind. She'd been present at that first meeting when Jeff had asked for clearance for his new venture. Valerie had been a newly appointed Captain, and it was one of her first major meetings. That was the day she'd heard about International Rescue and it had been incredible to see the legendary astronaut stand up and ask for permission to start the organisation. She'd hid her unease and suspicions and had viewed the plans he'd presented in the meeting. The secrecy aspect of the organisation had worried her most, not knowing exactly what was going to be flying around, not knowing who was involved or the training they would be put through. The committee had debated it thoroughly. Five weeks of research, consultations and consideration and International Rescue was given a three month trial, to be extended upon review.

"You won't regret this."

Jeff had promised Colonel Henson when he had been told the news. She'd been present to see the historic moment. The firm handshake that had happened at the end of the meeting as if to solidify and seal the deal. He'd been right. International Rescue had not disappointed and had gone beyond anyone's expectations. They were granted permission to operate. There were still some in the GDF that disagreed with the amount of secrecy surrounding International Rescue and the lack of regulation and control the GDF had over the organisation. Some of that had eased slightly now the location of Tracy Island was now known to the higher-ups, but there were still those that were suspicious. Rumours still passed around, claiming the GDF had a dummy location, that it was all a ruse to make everyone feel comfortable with the situation and they were keeping the Thunderbirds and their secrets elsewhere. There were just some things she couldn't stop. She had been put in charge of monitoring International Rescue. Once introduced, Jeff had maintained contact with her allowing them to develop a strong working relationship, which ultimately led to a close friendship. Though he had always visited her, she'd gotten to know some of the boys before the accident, though now she knew them all extremely well. The boys had allowed more information about International Rescue to be made public, and shared further information still with the GDF, allowing for better communication between the organisations. It felt much better knowing exactly where they were, even if she had no idea what secrets they hid on the island. Scott had blessed her with a tour, allowing her to see what they were happy to share. Seeing it all in-situ had been a sight to behold and something she'd never forget.

"Sorry it's been that way, but you know how it is at the top. There is always a new situation that needs your urgent attention."

Jeff chuckled, a sound that Valerie had forgotten and almost brought a tear to her eye. It pained her how small things about a person could slip from your mind over the years. The man before her really was legendary. He was an astronaut people would talk about for years to come. He was also a great friend, who had always supported her journey through the GDF ranks.

"I used to know. I'm a little rusty and many things have changed. I've got a lot of catching up to do. I thought some of the technology Brains used to think up was way out there, but some of the new gadgets I'm seeing and hearing about are beyond that. I'm feeling old. Old and left behind."

Valerie noticed the change in his face and the slight dimming of the shine in those blue eyes. Jeff was old, but there was more to this than that. Placing a hand on the man's shoulder she guided him back into his chair and knelt beside him.

"I'm feeling old at the moment." Jeff continued with a sigh. "I'm all creaky, tired and struggling to keep up. They say I should get better, that my body has adjusted to the Oort cloud and that it'll take a while to shift back."

"You were never the most patient man."

That brought a smile to his face, but his head fell into his hand.

"I've spent so much time alone that I can't stand being cooped up in here anymore! The boys and Mum visit but I have less freedom than I did out there. I want to go home. Even if it means subjecting myself to both my mother's constant doctoring, and her terrible cooking."

"Maybe the staff are trying to make sure you're strong enough to stomach your mother's food?"

"Ha! I wish! Nothing on Earth could prepare me for Mum's cooking. I am handling food well though and if I'm honest, Mum won't mess up my diet plan. She knows how much it could set me back."

Valerie moved her hand in slow steady motions over Jeff's back. There was nothing she could do to change the situation, but she knew Jeff needed to let it out. She knew he was putting on a brave face for his family, that only the staff and therapists would know of the real internal struggle happening in the man. Jeff had told her enough about his life and the boys to know he'd do anything to protect his family. Maybe, eventually, he let them be the ones to protect him.

"You'll get there, Jeff. You just need time."

The man sighed, his whole body deflating. He'd had plenty of time in the Oort cloud, far away from everything he cared about. Now he was home, he was still being kept away. She knew the boys were visiting Jeff but it wasn't the same as being home with them. Especially with International Rescue taking them away so frequently. Valerie still got a weekly update on International Rescue’s activity, and although she doesn't read the full reports anymore, she still understood the operation enough to know the toll that it takes on the operatives.

"How has it been, the last eight years, for International Rescue? What's it been like from an outside perspective? Has it worked? Have there been problems? Have you any suggestions?"

Valerie sat back and surveyed her friend. Talk about going straight for the tough topics. She knew he'd ask about her later, but right now his boys were at the front of his mind. She also knew she had to be honest. There was so much Valerie wanted to tell the man, yet today wasn't the right day. Today would just lead the man to worry unnecessarily about his boys. When he was stronger and could enforce change himself, she might raise the latest annual International Rescue report with him. The GDF were concerned, but now was not the time to go down the official route.

"It was tough at first, not everyone liked Scott taking over everything at once, especially as he took on Tracy Industries too. But they rose to the challenge and got the job done, they've made improvements and they communicate more with the GDF now. We still don't know everything about your technology but that was always the arrangement from the get go."

Jeff sighed. "I never expected them to be needed as much as they are. Have you noticed how exhausted they are? Do you know when they last went on holiday? I think it's too much for them."

Valerie steeled herself, knowing exactly how she felt and how much the Tracy brothers would disagree. Everyone knew those boys worked too hard, but they were smart and never broke the flight hour rules, often maxing it out but never going over. The GDF couldn't ground them, even if it was for their own good, especially as there was often no-one else to do the job. Lives were at stake and no-one wanted to be the one to make that call.

"I have noticed the dark circles under Scott's eyes and the way he seems to carry the world on his shoulders. I don't often see the rest of them but the past few years have been pretty intense. I would say they were due a break, if only the world would give them one."

The small smile on Jeff's face showed her she had said the right thing. The concern was still there but the steel in his eyes said he had a plan formulating. She wouldn't pry. Not yet. She was sure she would find out in due course.

"So, you're a Colonel now, and Commander of the GDF. Can't say I didn't see that coming, but there must be a story behind it."

Valerie grinned at her friend, finally on a safer topic. This was what she'd come here for.

"Well, there is, but it's not quite as interesting as yours."

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #jeff tracy #colonel casey #homecoming #gdf #social visit #post debrief catch up

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quackeroos · 5 years ago

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ONE WEEK || Day Two

Pairing: tom holland x dying ex!reader

Summary: you were dying, and tom still loves you. now he plans on loving you ‘til your last breath, and maybe get you to say those three words back to him.

Warnings: swearing, angst

Words: 3.4k

General Masterlist | Series Masterlist

MONDAY. TIME CHECK: currently 3 am. Tom was sitting on the couch next to y/n's bed. She was already sleeping, the television left open with the remote in hand. Tom had been with her all throughout the day, and he was thankful that she had let him stay. But of course, Y/n had still been distant. She would occasionally ask for things like food, her phone, water or call for Jamie. Y/n's little sister was already passed out on the couch at the other side of the room. Her head laying on a pillow with a textbook in her lap, glasses on and notes open. It was obvious Jamie was dead serious about her studies. But despite y/n giving him the cold shoulder, he didn't mind. After all, he was only here just to help with y/n getting better.

Lies.

Deep inside, there was a part of him that wanted to build the relationship they had when they were sixteen. Where nothing but romance and laughs filled the air they were in. But now, everything turned upside down. Tom sighed and stood up from his chair, making his way towards the cupboards to eat a midnight snack. He passes by Jamie, who was still sleeping on the couch, mouth slightly agape. Tom walked to her laptop and shuts off the device. He pulled the blanket over her, making sure she was warm and comfortable. Tom took out a cup of instant noodles and decided to have it, since it was the only food available.

He heated up a cup of water and waited for it to boil. Over the past few hours, Tom had learned that y/n has been admitted in the hospital since Wednesday, and that she had a daily routine whenever she stayed in the hospital. In the morning, she would read a book while eating her breakfast, in the afternoon, she would go to the hospital garden using her wheelchair and would stay until the sun sets. Sometimes, she would even stay until the stars were out, according to Jamie. But given her condition, she needed rest, which was the only thing she had been doing for the past four days.

In the middle of her routines, doctors and nurses came to check in on her, give her medicine and her food diet. During the time her lunch came, y/n had been picky, because hospital food didn't sit well with her. Tom knew what she would've liked, a big serving of lasagna, a plate of buffalo wings, and a glass of beer. She had a big appetite, most specially for sweets, and if she could have it her way, she would've liked to have at least one day to do it.

Tom took a seat on his usual chair, bringing a foldable table along with him to put his snacks on. He took out his phone to look at his notifications. 5 messages and 2 calls from Haz, 2 messages from Tuwaine, and 3 messages from Sam and Harry. Apparently, they were supposed to be going out yesterday, and the boys had been asking about his whereabouts. He hasn't replied to any of them since he left his phone off while taking care of y/n, until today.

***

Y/n woke up early as usual, at exactly 8:30 am, her eyes would open to a quiet morning. But today was an exception, because she heard whispers and shushes from a couple of people in the room. At first, she thought it was Tom and Jamie, that was until she sat up, only to see three boys standing around her bed. "Good morning y/n!" they greeted, making her flinch at the sudden number of visitors. She honestly did not expect them to visit her, nor did she know how the three men knew she was here. Her eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and disbelief before saying, "What in the world are you idiots doing here?"

"Tom told us that he was busy taking care of something. He didn't tell us that it was someone." Harry wiggled his eyebrows, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

"It's good to see you, y/n." Haz spoke up from the side of her bed. He was holding a balloon that said, 'Get Well Soon!', while Tuwaine and Sam were holding a bouquet of sunflowers and a box of Krispy Kreme donuts. "You Divs! I've missed all of you! C'mere!" Leaning in towards her small figure, the boys tried not to squish her in between the hug. It really has been so long since they've last seen each other in person. They would sometimes see each other's posts on social media and text each other from time to time, but they never saw each other the day after Tom and y/n had cut ties.

It was a touching moment, most specially for Y/n, because seeing the boys made her happy in the most depressing room she's in. "How long have you been here huh? You look like shit!" Sam said putting down the bouquet on the chair beside her bed. "Thank you for the unnecessary comment, dickhead. I was here since Wednesday, and the hospital's been treating me like a baby. Wouldn't give me even a bite of anything sweet."

"Well, you're in luck, darling. Coz we bought Donuts!"

"She's not eating those." A voice called from the door.

Tom had just arrived, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. He was carrying two bags; one was his backpack and the other was a paper bag of food for him and Jamie when she gets back. "Y/n, you're not allowed to eat anything high in sugar, remember?" He puts down his backpack on the sofa and the paper bag on the countertop table. He turned towards the four boys. "And didn't I tell you guys not to come by without me here?"

"Jeez, you could've thanked us, you know. We looked out for y/n while you were gone. Where were you anyway?" Haz asked.

"Went back to the apartment to get a few things." He pointed to his backpack. "I'm staying here for a few days."

"You're what?" They asked, looking at him then back at y/n for confirmation. She sighed and nodded. "Jamie has exams coming up, so she asked him to look out for me while she was busy. Mum and Dad were out on a business trip, and hopefully, they'll be back tonight."

"So, if you're parents are coming home..." Harry trailed off. "Then shouldn't you be staying here until tonight only?" he pointed towards Tom, who was busy tidying things up. He was oddly quiet and didn't answer his brother's question. So, y/n was left to answer it. "It's kind of complicated. I'll tell you when I have the time. So, how about those donuts, yeah?"

"Oh no, you will not be having those. You are on a strict diet, so stick with it." Tom had taken the box of donuts from Tuwaine's hands before they even got to y/n's grasp. "Mate, eat this else somewhere, please. Or else she wouldn't be able to help herself."

"I can eat whatever I want, Tom. So just stop pretending to be my dad for once and let me have a little freedom." Y/n had snapped. "Tuwaine, gimme some of those."

"C'mon y/n. Why do you have to be so stubborn? You gotta sacrifice these if you still wanna live."

"Well, I'm dying anyway! I might as well die happy rather than letting you and this fucking hospital treat me like shit!"

The boys' eyes went wide, not expecting for her to snap. Tom had let out a stressed sigh. tired because he slept at around 4 am and woke up at 6 to head to his apartment and get the things for his stay, and tired for dealing with y/n's stubbornness. It's only been a day, he thought, what more could the other days bring in the future?

"I'm gonna get some fresh air. I'll be back in a few." He said looking at his watch before grabbing his wallet. "Guys, look after her for me. Okay?" and before the boys could talk back and protest, he was out and gone. Their stare lingered on the door, sympathetically. Before a few moments of silence, Haz spoke first, clearing out the awkward tension in the air. "You know, y/n, you shouldn't be too hard on him. Tom really is trying his best."

Y/n diverts her eyes away from the blonde and stared towards the window. “You’re just saying that because you’re his friend."

"I'm telling you this because BOTH of you are my friends." He held her hand and smiled encouragingly. "Don't be too hard on him. Okay? He only wants you to live a little longer. All of us do. So don't say your goodbyes just yet."

***

Tom got back at around ten in the morning. His hair a little messy and tousled. He just came back from a long walk around the hospital, trying to clear his mind out. He wondered what y/n thought of his sudden walk out. Did she think he was angry? But he wasn't angry, he could never be angry at her, not at a time like this. A sigh escapes from his lips.

During his little time out, he thought of possible ways to keep y/n from thinking about dying, or if anything, her being gone from the face of the earth.

He planned on ways to keep her happy and away from any negative thoughts, he searched on his phone for possible cures for Friedreich's Ataxia, any possible ways that could keep her breathing was all he could think of for the past hours he's been here. Because, no matter how much pain y/n had brought upon him, all he wanted was for her to be back. The lively, amazing, and unbelievably glutinous Y/n that he knew and loved. And to live for as long as she could.

Once he had closed the door, he heard laughs. And it was no doubt that it came from y/n and the four boys. They were laughing at an episode from Brooklyn 99, a favorite of y/n's, with the boys sitting at both sides of her bed.

They only noticed Tom when he sat at his usual chair, with his script for an upcoming movie in hand, his reading glasses on. Harrison took notice of his arrival. "You're back. You've been gone for a while." Tom had looked up shortly before grunting in reply, not in the mood to talk as he was busy memorizing his lines. Haz nudged y/n's arm and nodded towards Tom's direction, giving her the 'go-do-what-you-have-to-do' look telling her so. The other boys also had them, and they mouthed her to 'go talk to him'.

Words got caught up in her throat. It took y/n a few moments to gather up the courage and call out his name. "Tom?"

He looked up from his script, looking at y/n as he sets down the bundle of pages of paper. "Can you take me to the garden? I really need to get some fresh air." Tom looked at the whiteboard with the medication and meal schedules written in black marker. He looked at his watch before replying, "It's almost time for your lunch. Are you sure you want to go now?" Without a second thought, she nodded and smiled a tight lipped one.

Tom stood up from his chair and took out her wheelchair, parking it at the side of her bed. He carried her like a bride, only she was wearing a green hospital cotton gown, instead of an extravagant white one with intricate designs decorating it. Finally placing her on the chair, he pushed her towards the door and led her to the rooftop garden.

She breathed in the fresh air of freshly watered grass and flowers when the two of them arrived. It was morning so the air was slightly dewy. Y/n pulled her jacket tighter to give the warmth she needed and smiled as the rays of the sun hits her face, along with a cool breeze.

The rooftop garden was perfect. Flowers and grass covered the area along with a few potted plants. Benches scattered in each designated place, a fountain was placed in the middle of it and a brick road guided the path.

Tom picked the bench that was across the fountain and where the sun could be seen when it rises. He picked her up again and gently placed her on the bench, sitting at the other end to give her enough space to be comfortable. To pass the time, he decided to memorize his lines and let y/n be with herself and the nature around her.

Y/n looked at Tom as his eyes scan every letter of the script. The glasses he was wearing stood on the bridge of his nose and was slightly slipping, making him push it back every now and then. "Haz said you were working on a new movie. Is that why you're reading your script for the time being?" She spoke. Her sudden question made Tom pause for a little before he replied with a light, "Yeah." And goes back to reading.

"Care to tell me more about it?"

"It's actually a book adaptation. It's a story about two teens overcoming something that they call a 'Noise-germ' and searching for a cure while running from bad guys." He tore his eyes away from her and proceeded in memorizing.

"It's a good book actually, you'll probably like it."

"Maybe you could give me a copy. I just finished a book last night and I have nothing else better to read anyway."

He responds with, "Sure." and closed the topic in an instant. Y/n bit the inside of her cheek, feeling the guilt get to her. Now she felt bad for how she treated him yesterday, today, and how she ended things with him out in the blue. There was a reason behind it all, of course. She still loved him, that will never change. But there's fear behind her love for Tom. She breathed out to release the uneasy feeling inside of her before speaking.

"Tom, I'm sorry."

He froze hearing those words, it caught his attention. He puts down the papers and turned his head towards her. She continued speaking. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, and for what happened three years ago." Her head bowed; eyes glued to her lap as if there was something interesting about it. "There's a reason why I did those things to you. And I'm sorry that I ended everything between us without a proper explanation. It was the only way to keep you from getting hurt even more if you found out."

Tom was silent for a moment. He didn't expect her to say those, he expected for her to push him away even more, like how she had done three years ago and yesterday. This was something refreshing for Tom. He directed his body towards her, his right leg resting on the bench.

"I'll admit, three years ago, you breaking up with me out of the blue? Really shocked me, and it hurt me more than ever. But then I realize..." He sat closer to her, setting down his script on the bench. "The thought of you, gone from this world, without telling you how much I love you? That's my worst fear yet, and that'll hurt me more than you ever know." He held her pale hands, they were cold and soft, slightly thin than they were before.

"I know you're scared of leaving behind the things you love. But pushing them away won't solve anything. I'm glad you let me stay and take care of you. Because, honestly, keeping you alive is all that matters to me right now." He leaned in his head, landing it on top of hers. They were so close, y/n could already feel his breath hitting the little hairs of her upper lip.

She missed having this though. Having him near her, feeling safe and protected, and not having to think about death, like when they were still sixteen. She couldn't remember the last time they were this close to each other.

Tom began again, "So please," as he held her hand in his and locked his eyes with hers. He whispered the next few words. It was a bit inaudible, but it was enough for y/n to hear. "Stay alive. If not for me, then do it for Jamie, your parents, Harrison, Tuwaine and the twins." Y/n could feel her cheeks heat up, tears welling up as he continued.

"I love you Y/n Kingsleigh, so damn much. Don't say your goodbyes just yet. Because I'm not ready to hear that from you again."

***

The trip back to y/n's hospital room was quiet, but it was the 'comfortable-kind' of quiet. Y/n fiddled with the hem of her jacket on the way back. The pair passed by different faces of doctors and nurses, rushing about as they briskly walk through the busy hall, nodding as their eyes meet. "Tom?" She called, he responded with a hum. "Have you ever wondered what our future would be like if I didn't have this?"

"Hmmm... I prefer the word 'planned' actually." he answered back, still pushing the wheelchair.

"Why is that?"

"You'll see, love. Soon." Tom turns the knob and pulled the door open, pushing her in and closing the door behind him. One they were inside they noticed that the room was crowded and is very quiet.

The boys were sitting on the couch, Jamie was standing, listening closely, and there stood in front of her was their parents, both still in coats with their luggage tucked away. Y/n and Tom heard their hushed voices as y/n's parents and her doctor converse of what seems a very serious matter. Out of instinct, y/n held Tom's hand tightly, fear washed over her and she knew what the three were talking about. Feeling the need of comfort, he knew what he had to do. Tom rubbed his thumb over her hand and held it tightly.

"I know that this is a lot to take in, Mr. and Mrs. Kingsleigh. The procedure is risky, but there is an 80% chance she might survive if we do the surgery. I'll give you time to think about it. But it'll be best if we do it within the week to help her control the symptoms. The earlier we do it, the longer she can live." the doctor excused himself as he exits the room.

Everyone wore saddened expressions as the news dawned on them. Y/n's mother broke down in tears as she embraces her husband for support. Jamie lets out a heavy sigh as her eyes wells with tears. It was still unbelievable for them to accept the sudden news, and it pained everyone in the room, most specially for the two. Y/n had to undergo surgery, a risky one at that. And there was a high chance for her to die while on it.

"Mum. Dad." y/n called out, her voice so soft almost as a whisper. They turned their heads towards her and wiped the remaining tears. "Sweet Pea, you're here... And with Tom?" their attention diverted from hers to the man beside her. "Uhm yeah... me and Tom just went out for some fresh air." She gave him a grateful glance, smiling as she does. Tom returns one too before pushing her wheelchair towards her bed and laying her gently on the cushioned bed. Once y/n felt the soft mattress hit her back, she lets out a relaxed sigh.

As she opens her eyes, the sight of worried parents and gloomy friends greeted her, bringing her back to the thoughts she didn't want to talk about just yet. "You heard it, haven't you? From the door?" Her mother asked. Y/n looks away and hums in response. "There's nothing else we can do, huh?"

"Doc. Allen said it'd be best if we do the surgery this week, Hun. You're getting worse, and it'll damage you even more."

She lets out another sigh, and looked up at the ceiling, "I'll take whatever chance I can get. Alright then."

Shocked by her sudden submission, her parents walked towards her bed, hugging her both as thanks and comfort. Tom watched the family in each other's arms. He caught Mrs. Kingsleigh's eyes and she mouthed a 'Thank You'. He wasn't sure what it was for, but he acknowledged it.

Maybe it was for taking care of her while they were gone. Or maybe, it was for putting up with her stubborn attitude. But one thing's for sure.

Y/n was not giving up.

And neither was Tom.

day three of One Week

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heyyyharry · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 10: Darlings

(from the Flatmate Trilogy: Two Hearts, One Home)

…in which Harry is excited but Y/N is worried.

Word count: 4.4k

Chapter 9: Three’s A Crowd - Harry learns a big lesson, and Y/N cannot tolerate his assistant.

Wattpad link

A/N: Please enjoy and spam my inbox. - Allie.

Y/N was pregnant.

The doctor had confirmed it. A pregnancy test stick had confirmed it. The morning sickness had confirmed it. So it was official. She was now positively pregnant.

Before all of this, she had been devastated and almost depressed thinking she and Harry might not have children of their own. Now that the universe had given them one, she fell into a state where she was constantly afraid and anxious. She'd blame it on the hormones and the way her body was changing. The baby was probably not even...a baby yet, and she had already come up with a bunch of different scenarios where she turned out to be an awful parent. It was not until now that she realized how strong her sister had been for bringing up baby Eleanor on her own. Y/N was lucky to have a loving husband, her family, and supportive friends by her side.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!"

Harry burst right through the door. He had just got back from work, still in his suit, and his face was white. But what he found was just Y/N and Layla sitting on the bed, blinking at him.

"Who just screamed?!"

"Layla did," said Y/N with a beam. "I just told her the news."

"I cannot believe I'm about to be a godmother!" Layla punched the air and then drop her smile to give Harry a questioning look. "Wait...why are you holding a frying pan?"

Y/N was in hysterics when her husband lowered his frying pan and rolled his eyes. "I didn't have time to choose my weapon when I heard you scream. I thought my babies were hurt."

"Ew?!"

"Not you, Layla. I meant Y/N and our actual baby."

Layla ignored him and turned back to Y/N. "He's gonna be using plural nouns from now on, isn't he?"

"He's been doing that since the doctor visit." Y/N gave her best friend a shrug and automatically lifted her face for Harry to kiss. Layla sighed in contentment as she watched them.

"I'm so excited for you guys and also for me! When I was little, I always wanted to be Cinderella and now, I, Layla Scott, is about to be the fairy godmother."

"Who says anything about—" All it took was one fierce glare from Layla for Harry to change his opinion in a heartbreak. "Yes! You're gonna be the best godmother! No doubt!"

"I'm sorry baby Styles," Layla leaned down and whispered to Y/N's nonexistent baby bump. "Your daddy's a fake."

"Well, your aunt Layla's a bully."

"Godmother! Ugh!"

Smirking as Layla jokingly flipped him off, Harry dropped his head to give Y/N a few more pecks, one hand under her chin, the other on her belly. "I'm gonna take a shower now. You ladies have fun without me."

"Don't worry," Layla gave him a lopsided grin. "We always have fun without you."

"Dick."

"Pussy."

"Real mature guys. I can totally see myself trusting you two with this child." Y/N snorted as Harry walked out with his 'weapon' after giving Layla a mocking face.

"Love you, darlings," he said. "And that plural noun doesn't include Layla!"

"Thank you, asshole!" Layla shouted at the closed door, making Y/N laugh even harder.

"He's very excited," Y/N said now that her husband was gone. Though smiling, the girl was subconsciously fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. And even such a little action couldn't get past Layla's eyes.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you upset?"

"What? I'm not!" Y/N scrunched up her face. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You don't look fine though. You blink a lot when you lie."

"I do not!"

"Here she goes again." Layla scoffed. "I don't get it though. You're finally pregnant. Harry's falling more in love with you, I didn't think it was possible, but I was just proven wrong." She stuck out her bottom lip and lifted her shoulders. "So maybe instead of looking constipated the second he turns away, you should be happy."

"I'm not unhappy, I'm just..." Y/N paused to search for the right word and then went with, "worried." Taking a deep breath, she continued, "what if I'm a terrible mother? What if Harry's the favorite parent and I'm the one my kid lies to and keeps secrets from? What if we're both terrible and our kid hates us?!"

"The kid's not even in there yet and you're already freaking out about him or her going through puberty?" Layla breathed as her eyes rolled upward. "Look, I don't hit pregnant women. But I'll slap the shit out of you if you say that again, ya hear me? This isn't you talking. This is the pregnancy hormones. Your anxiety isn't real, okay?" Quickly, she grabbed Y/N's shoulders and signaled the girl to copy her as she inhaled deeply and let go of that breath.

"Feel better?" she grinned. Y/N nodded once, looking less uneasy now. "Good. Just know that we're all here for you. You're gonna be fine."

As it turned out, Layla was right.

Soon the weekend arrived, and the young couple had grown used to the new rhythm of their life. Y/N had been paying more attention to her diet and taking vitamins regularly, so she didn't feel as terrible as she had for the first few days. This morning, Harry had a meeting with a client, so he wasn't there when she woke up. He'd left her breakfast on the kitchen table with a note saying he loved her and would miss her terribly until he came home. After everything that'd happened to them, he was making more effort to make sure she knew how much she meant to him. It began to feel like those college days again, and she wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.

"Nope, I won't do it!"

"I'll pay you."

"You haven't even paid me for catsitting Tiger!"

Y/N brought Treasure toward Nam's desk and couldn't help but overhear his little argument with Stephanie. While the blonde was rambling on, Nam seemed pretty annoyed. That wasn't at all surprising, because Stephanie's only talent besides being a bitch, was being an annoying bitch. Y/N supposed it was mean to think about her neighbor like that. But that woman deserved to be called a bitch after all the things she'd said and done.

"Y/N!" Stephanie grabbed Y/N by the arm the second she saw her. "Tell him to babysit my niece for me!"

"Oh, now you're gonna drag Y/N into this?" Nam laughed wryly as he took the white cat from Y/N's arms. "Even if you promised me a fortune, the answer would still be no. I already know I wouldn't get a single penny from you. At least Treasure's parents pay me well."

Treasure meowed softly as he stroked her head. "Do you agree, my little furry baby? Tiger's parents are stingy white people, aren't they?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. "Well, cats, children, they're all the same."

"Well, thank God, you're not a mother." That was meant to be an insult, but Nam had unintentionally given Stephanie a new idea.

Her eyes lit up as she turned to Y/N. "Since you're about to be a parent, would you like some practice?"

"Oh, no! Leave Y/N alone!"

Stephanie completely ignored Nam as she went on before Y/N could say anything. "Don't worry, my niece's a good kid. Her parents go away on business trips all the time so she's very independent. All you need to do is to keep an eye on her until her mum picks her up."

"How old is she?"

"Y/N, you're not actually considering this!" Nam cried out.

Y/N gave him a shrug as she pursed her lips. "Tomorrow's Sunday, so why not? And I'm also good with kids."

"That's the spirit!" Stephanie smacked her on the arm, causing the poor girl to flinch. "She's five. The sweetest five-year-old you'll ever meet! Her name is Darling."

Y/N saw Nam hug Treasure and turn away as he muttered something, probably cursing Stephanie. But this time, it wasn't Stephanie's fault. Y/N simply thought this was a great opportunity for her and Harry to practice being parents. It was never too soon to get prepared for such a big change in their life.

Besides, with a name like Darling, the girl must be an angel. Now Y/N couldn't wait to talk to her husband about their new plan for Sunday.

"Babe, I still think you're really overthinking this."

"I'm not," Y/N shouted from the living room as she checked her watch. "Would you just hurry up?! We're gonna be late."

"Relax! They literally live just across the hall!" he said and finally stumbled out of their bedroom.

She stared at him, lifting an eyebrow in amusement. "Why are you carrying your laptop?"

"I gotta check my emails." He chuckled and pressed his lips to her temple. "Come on, babe. Let's go fake-parenting."

Laughing, she reached out to hold his hand.

They had never been in Mason and Stephanie's flat and had never intended to set foot in there, unless it was the only safe place in a zombie apocalypse. So when they entered 'the devil's home' for the very first time, their jaws nearly dropped to the floor.

The place was much cleaner and tidier than they'd imagined. Harry had often joked about his cousin's flat looking like a porn movie set, with sex toys hanging on the walls and adult magazines lying all over the place. At least that was how he imagined porn movie sets would look like. However, the flat was actually decent. Y/N amused herself with the thought that, those who had never met Mason and Stephanie would think they were a basic white couple named Kevin and Barbara, who baked cookies and went to church every Sunday. Lesson learned: never judge a book by its cover.

As Y/N went into the kitchen to check what Stephanie had left for them in the fridge, Harry made himself comfortable on the couch (after having made sure there wasn't a cum stain on it) and opened his laptop. They waited for about fifteen minutes when the doorbell rang, and Y/N rushed to it with a big smile on her face. She opened the door and was greeted by a tall woman slightly older than her.

"Hi! You must be Mary!"

"And you must be Y/N, the babysitter!" The lady returned a smile as she fixed her bucket hat that covered most of her bobbed blonde hair. Then, she turned back to call her daughter who was still idling in front of the lift. "Darling, come here, baby!"

The five-year-old pouted as she crossed her arms and waddled toward her mother and Y/N. She was as adorable as the image Y/N had created in her mind, with big bright eyes and brown straight hair that fell right past her tiny shoulders. The ladybug backpack she was wearing was too big for her body that it made her look even smaller. She could be the baby girl Y/N had always wanted. But then again, she shouldn't be. The girl might look like an angel, her attitude, however, said the opposite. Her little round face contorted as she shot Y/N a spiteful glare. Why?! They had only just met!

"Hello, Darling." Y/N crouched down with both hands on her knees despite the unwelcoming reaction. "My name's Y/N. And that—" she pointed at Harry who raised his hand and gave the child a wave "—is my husband, Harry. We're your babysitters for today!"

Darling looked at Y/N, and then Harry, and then back to Mary. She repeated that one more time before telling her mother, "please pick me up on time, mummy. Don't leave me too long with these strangers."

The mother gave a startled Y/N an apologetic grin before turning back to the child. "Of course," she said. "But you gotta promise to be nice and listen to Y/N and Harry, okay?"

Darling looked annoyed as she crossed her arms, still, she replied with a nod, said goodbye to her mum and followed Y/N into the living room.

"Okay." Y/N breathed as she shut the door. "Why don't we just start by getting to know each other?"

Darling shrugged off her backpack and spoke with a straight face, "I want to color."

"Oh, okay." As Y/N plastered a smile on her face, Harry was biting his knuckles so he wouldn't crack up. "I'll get us some paper and we'll color together—"

"I said I, not we."

"Wow..." Y/N heard her husband say, but she was too stunned to react. The kid hadn't broken that intense eye contact with her that made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

She swallowed hard, nodding her head. "S-sure. Why don't you wait on that couch with Harry?"

Darling didn't reply and dragged her backpack toward the couch to sit on the other end, as far away from Harry as she could. Now that his wife had left, Harry thought he should start a conversation to get to know this child. But before he could come up with anything to say, Darling was the one who broke the silence.

"Why do you wear so many rings? Are you married to many women?"

"No!" The man laughed, his eyebrows pulled together. He didn't know why he was nervous talking to this five-year-old when he'd never found it hard to speak to a girl before (Y/N had been a special case). He stuttered for a moment before adding to his answer, "this is my wedding band, see?" He showed her his ring finger, smiling proudly. "This is the only ring that matters."

He thought she would react in a different way, a more childlike and positive one. However, what he got was a hardened expression that seemed like she was silently judging him.

"Are you lying because you think I'm a child so I don't know what cheating is?"

He arched an eyebrow in doubt. "Do you know what cheating is?"

"Yeah, aunt Steph taught me that word," she said casually. "Cheating is when a husband or a wife sleeps with another person that's not their wife or husband."

"Jesus Christ!" His eyes widened as he straightened his back. "She taught you that?!"

"Yeah." Darling nodded once. "But I think she's wrong, because what if you want to have a sleepover with your friends? You have no choice but to sleep with them, right?"

"Right." He chuckled nervously.

Y/N soon returned with some paper, and Harry didn't think he'd ever felt so relieved. Talking to that girl was like being interrogated by the police. He'd never been interrogated by the police before, but in his imagination, this could probably be worse. He took advantage of Darling being distracted by her paper and crayons to drag Y/N to the kitchen, telling her to keep her voice down.

"Harry, we are not having sex while there's a kid in the other room!"

Her reaction made him chuckle as he held her arms. "Who says anything about sex?"

"I'm not sucking your dick either."

"I may be horny for you all the time, but I know my limits. I'm only here to tell you that the child scares me."

"Don't you think it's a little too late for that?" she asked, pointing to her belly.

"No, I mean Darling!"

"You mean what?"

He exhaled and rolled his eyes, but still found the little misunderstanding hilarious. "I was talking about Darling, the little girl."

"Just call her 'the little girl' from now on to avoid confusion."

"Got it." He snorted and proceeded to tell her about their previous conversation in the living room, adding, "I haven't seen her smile, isn't that strange?"

Y/N gave him a shrug. "Maybe she's a mini Wednesday Addams."

"Maybe she's a mini Layla."

"Okay, that's funny."

Harry tried to look as serious as he sounded but his own joke amused him. Smirking, he went on, "I bet she's out there drawing a picture of the two of us with our heads cut off."

"Harry, you're overreacting. She's only a baby," Y/N said and kissed him on the cheek.

Other than being an emo five-year-old, Darling was actually a good kid. She had been quiet the entire time while working on her drawings. She was using a lot of red, which reminded Y/N of what Harry had said earlier, and now she was afraid to see what those 'works of art' were about.

Soon it was lunch and Darling stopped coloring as she told Y/N she was hungry. Y/N wanted to be a good soon-to-be-mother, so she asked her husband to play with Darling while she made some sandwiches for the three of them.

"No, wait, I'll do it!"

Before Y/N could protest, Harry had already dashed into the kitchen. She knew he couldn't cook to save his life but didn't want to fight him on this, so she sat back on the couch and let him be their chef. It would take forever until they had something to eat if at all. So while waiting, Y/N used Harry's laptop to go on YouTube. Just when she thought she could finally relax and watch some funny cat compilations, Darling's loud squeal made her head turn shot up.

"What happened, dear?" Y/N put down the laptop and came to see what was wrong.

The little girl stuck out her bottom lip, her eyes welled up as she held the red crayon now broken in half in her little palm. Y/N squatted on the floor with her elbows on her knees as she gave Darling a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, you can still color with that."

"It's broken."

"Yeah but..." Y/N took the two halves, each in one hand. "Now you have two red crayons."

"Half a crayon doesn't make a new crayon."

"Who told you that?" Y/N asked, her eyebrows rose.

Darling pursed her tiny heart-shaped lips as she thought for a moment. She was probably trying to decide if she should tell Y/N what she'd never told anyone. Eventually, she confessed, "aunt Steph told mummy that mummy and daddy's marriage was a broken crayon. You can still color with it, but it'll make the picture ugly and messy."

Y/N was frozen by those words. A little girl should not have heard something like that about her parents, ever. Feeling a big lump in her throat, she tried to search for the right thing to say to Darling. It was only then that she looked around at the paintings scattered on the carpet. They weren't what she and Harry had assumed. They were just awful, messy, childish drawings of what any child would view as a happy family. Darling had used a lot of red to draw the hearts. There were so many hearts surrounding her, her mother and her dad. She'd even used that red color to cross out the face of another woman standing in the background, who, Y/N believed, was her father's mistress. That explained why she'd thought Harry was cheating. Her dad had done it, maybe all the men would too.

"Here." Y/N picked up one half of the red crayon as she sat down, crossing her legs. To Darling's confusion, she took a new sheet of paper and began to draw.

She'd been told by her niece Eleanor and Jamie, the boy she used to babysit during college, that she was good at drawing. That was what she loved about children. You didn't have to give it your best shot and they would still think you were extraordinary, simply because you were an adult. And she was right. Darling's mouth had formed an 'o' shape as her eyes followed every single movement of the crayon sliding across the paper. She was in awe to see Y/N quickly sketch a house with a nice garden, the fences, some trees, even a swimming pool. Y/N finished her 'masterpiece' with a family of two, a little cat, and an arrow pointing to the woman's belly as she wrote down the word 'BABY'.

"So this..." She sighed happily now that her work was done. "This is my family," she said, pointing to the picture. "This is Harry, this is me, and you can't see the baby because the baby's in my belly."

"Does your house look like this?" Darling asked, her eyes went round. It was the first time Y/N had seen her act like an actual five-year-old. And there was something so endearing about that. This was when Y/N's maternal instinct kicked in, she felt her heart flutter in a way that she'd only experienced when she was with Harry.

"Nah, we live right across the hall," she told Darling. "But this is our dream house."

"Why don't you buy it? It has a pool and everything!"

"We'll buy it someday. Right now, we want to stay here to be close to work and to our friends."

Darling clasped both hands in front of her chest. "Can I come visit when you finally buy this house?"

"Sure, love." Y/N nodded and handed her one half of the crayon. "Wanna draw yourself in?"

"Can I?!" she exclaimed with excitement, smiling from ear to ear. That was the first smile to be seen on her, and Y/N felt so proud knowing she was the reason for it.

"Sure, babe. You can put yourself next to me and the baby."

Harry finally returned with three (slightly burnt, but still edible) grilled cheese sandwiches. After having struggled in the kitchen for half an hour, he was now considering signing himself up for a cooking class so he wouldn't depend too much on his pregnant wife. But maybe he'd save this talk for later, because his mind went blank the moment he saw his wife...laughing with mini Layla.

"H-hey guys," he spoke, catching the girls' attention. "What...what are you guys doing?"

"Darling drew a picture of us. Wanna see?"

"Is my head still attached to my body?"

"Harry!"

"Alright, alright. Coming."

He put the plate down on the table and sat down with the girls on the floor. His reaction was the same one as Y/N had before when he saw what Darling had been drawing the entire time. It was far different from the horrendous scenario he'd painted in his head.

Excited, the girl stood up and raised her artwork to show it to her two audiences. "So this is you, this is Y/N, this is the baby. I made it a girl because I want a little sister."

Harry chuckled but Y/N shushed him so Darling could finish her presentation, "and this is me, the babysitter."

"She volunteered to be our babysitter," Y/N told her husband before he could ask.

"Told ya she's a mini Layla," said Harry as he waggled his eyebrows, making Y/N giggle and pushed him away.

For the rest of the afternoon, things had gotten much better for Harry and Y/N. They played a few games (that was how Harry discovered he gave great piggyback rides) and did some more coloring. Since Harry had accidentally ruined one picture by coloring outside the lines, the girls threatened to take away his crayons, but eventually agreed to let him color the insignificant details like the trees and the flowers in the background. Honestly, that was the most therapeutic activity he'd done in a long time. He didn't even bother to check his emails and chat with his clients and employees. All he cared about was this happy moment with his wife and their play-pretend family of three.

In nine months, this all would be real.

"I told you it'd be worth it," Y/N said contently as she followed Harry into their flat.

Darling had just left with her mum, who had been so surprised when her daughter appeared with a massive grin and showed her the picture she'd drawn with half a crayon. Y/N hoped Mary had understood and would try to do better for her little daughter. That was what that child deserved.

"I love to see you so happy," said Harry as he hugged her from behind, kissing the spot right below her ear as she held his face. "Told you you'd be a great mum. You've been acting like my mum since the first day we met."

She rolled her eyes, a corner of her mouth turned up. "I just realized that the personality of the child depended a lot on her parents' relationship."

"That's right." He nodded, holding her stomach with both hands. "Our baby's gonna be an angel, because we're in love. I love you, you love me, we're a happy family."

"I can't have a deep and serious talk with you if you keep quoting lyrics from Barney & Friends, H."

"You're so lame. Our baby would've loved that." He scrunched up his nose and tilted his head to kiss the corner of her mouth. Then, he brightened. "Hey, I think the name Darling is very cute and unique. Let's name our baby something similar, like Honey. Baby Honey sounds so cute!"

She raised an eyebrow at him, lips pressed together as she tried to contain her laughter.

"No? Okay, I'll come up with something else. But I will not give our baby some basic names like Kevin or Barbara."

She froze. "Wait, how d'you..."

"Did I say something wrong?" He gave her a confused smile as he didn't get why she seemed so shocked.

Y/N slowly shook her head and kissed the dimple on his cheek. "I almost forgot that we were like the same person sometimes. Is it weird that I want to marry you again?"

"Not at all. I would do it all over again with you." He beamed, holding her tighter. "Don't worry, love. I promise that I will be the most responsible father and role model—

"Harold!" Mason's voice on the other side of the door interrupted Harry at once. "Harold, I have your laptop!"

"Shit, my laptop!"

"Let's see what kind of porn you have in here!"

"Fuck you, Mason! Give it back right now!"

Y/N hadn't said a word but Harry had already chased his cousin down the hallway. With a gentle smile, she stared at the open door and said to their baby, as if it'd already been there, "we'll give your daddy another try tomorrow."

#flatmate!harry #husband!harry #ceo!harry #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles series #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfictions

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blackcatanna · 5 years ago

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LET THE ORGY OF SADNESS CONTINUE: Okita's Route Part 3: Edo Blossoms

I'm very interested to see how this plays out. Tbh, I don't really get this relationship yet but that seems consistent with how I felt before Edo Blossoms in the other routes so, yes, I am excited! :D I hope that Kaoru doesn't die X_X I want at least one route with Kaoru redemption but I am not at all optimistic...

Chapter 1:

"Something else entirely had me preoccupied..." Could it be... one spicy, stabby boi?

Wait, are we... LIVING TOGETHER? 👀

Quick question: do silver bullets affect demons or just furies?

BWWWWAAAARRRP!!! PHYSICAL CONTACT ALARM! "I held his soft, trembling fingers in my hands," Whoa there. Please calm down. I cannot allow this level of unbridled eroticism in my Good Christian Suburb.

In all seriousness, though, I GUESS this is SOMEWHAT sweet and romantic but I want everyone to know that I'm saying this under duress. >:( If I fancied him, this would wring the fuck out of my heart.

"Are you sure? You aren't just saying that?" Glad to see that Doctor Chizuru studied under Doctor Gregory "Everybody Lies" House.

"Why is it that you're always here when I wake up?" If you can't figure it out, I sure as hell am not going to tell you!

"Okita seemed to take pleasure from my surprise, and he stared into my eyes." X_X Of course he did... Because he loves to provoke reactions.

"Answer me." MAKE ME >_<

"looking off to the side in a fit of feigned indifference." < Okita in a nutshell

Is he upset because I said that I was here because of worry and guilt? Because, tbh, fair enough. Those were pretty dumb things to say, making out like it's a burden instead of admitting that I actually like being around him >:(

"Well, I guess that's fine then." X_X Oh, come on! Don't use the f-word on me like that! D:

"She's lying." YAMAZAKI!!! >_<

"Look, I know you can't stop thinking about me, but this whole doting-all-day-and-night thing is tiring." Called. The fuck. Out. X_X

Tbf, it seems kind of hypocritical to be fussing over someone while refusing to let them even inquire about your own health. Plus, it's a very one sided arrangement, which is not healthy X_X

"stop throwing a bitch fit" XD Okita is my new hero :')

"I didn't know that my behaviour became a cause for concern for them, too." Then, perhaps, you are foolish and inconsiderate -_-

O: Okita!?? Did he faint?! O_O

Woo! Going on an adventure with YAM! :)

There had better not be any creepy bald fuckers waiting in mah house! >:(

Are all doctors bald in 1860s Japan????

I'm so happy that Yamazaki's still alive in this route :) TOUCH WOOD.

"*Grunt* *Cough*..." Ah, I knew it was only a matter of time before I caught tb -_- (jk)

No, never split the party! D:

"However the price to pay is life itself." DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUN!!! So much for it granting "immortality"

"the poisonous Water of Life" uh... Isn't that kind of an oxymoron X_X

"Retaining your sanity is impossible without feasting on blood." Ah, so all along, the Shinsengumi were just feeding the furies a poor diet.

O: ):< WHO DARES THUMP MY YAMAZAKI?

Of course. It's fucking Kaoru -_-

Blah blah, sadistic fuckery, blah blah. I'm starting to get real tired of your shit, BROTHER.

"Was he trying to play a trick on me?" -_- probably, yeah.

Wow, that's... Actually pretty helpful? Thanks!?

Okay, the doctor folk have gone! I give Okita delicious blood now? :)

Oh. HE GAWN!!! O:

WHY ARE YOU UP AND DRESSED? >_<

"Sleeping all day is such a drag." True, so DRINK MY BLOOD AND GET BETTER >:(

Bloodlust time :O Good thing I'm a walking blood pack! :D

"How long have you been doing this?" Uh, haven't you been watching over him night and day?

"I wrapped my arms around Okita and held him tight " BWAAAA- Okay, yes, physical contact. Hug = gud >:(

"Pease, drink this " DRINK THE BLOOD >:(

"I could feel his breath brushing across my skin..." o_o Saucy...

Why are the blood drinking descriptions so erotic XD I mean, I'm not complaining but-

Who is this strange, apologetic man?

Blood > Porridge

Heh heh, apparently, Hijikata acts "all hoighty-toighty"

Oooh! Looks like Okita's trying to break free of his diligent YAM nursing...

"I am calm" Okita, last time you said that, you went on a killing spree...

Ooh, I wonder why Yamazaki and Okita don't get along... I remember seeing a picture somewhere with casual Yamazaki abuse in the background...

"Okita was acting like a petulant child, throwing his toys out of the pram..." X_X Sexy...

"Do you think the Shinsengumi still needs me?" HONEY, the Shinsengumi needs all the help it can GET!! O_O

Omg, Yamazaki's threatening to tell on Okita! XD He's playing a dangerous (and childish) game!

Side note: the painting in Okita's room is distracting me because it kind of reminds me of the dead mice my cats bring in on a regular basis.

WAIT, IT'S A FISH!!! X_X A NICE, INNOCENT LITTLE KOI FISHY X_X I need to stop spending so much time with my cats...

"What, already? Can't I stay up just a little longer?" Hakuoki: Mum simulator!

"I'll turn in on one condition..." Oo-er :O

"Okita grinned mischievously, and he peered directly into my eyes." O_O OO-ER!

"My palms became sweaty, and my heart skipped a beat." IT MUST BE LOVE O_O

"Since you're here, mind laying down next to me?" DUN DADA DUN! *fanfare plays* We got there in the end, folks! :D

DON'T YOU DARE SAY NO XD

"That's not a funny joke." True. And the only way to teach him a lesson is to PRETEND to take him seriously by DOING AS HE SAYS >:)

"You're so dense." FACTS.

WELL DONE, CHIZURU, YOU DONE COCK-BLOCKED YERSELF, I said, berating the fictional character as if that's not totally something that I would do in real life ..

"Okita blushed, turning away in embarrassment." O: CTRL+Z CTRL+Z CTRL+Z ):<

"I want to, erm, talk to you for a little bit longer..." Oh, we can "talk" all night long ;)

"Talk...? With me?" But I'm only a stupid woman, huh dur, with naught to say but um and er! Actually, Chizuru does say ""um..." I couldn't think of anything to say" in this route A LOT so maybe FAIR PLAY.

Just realised that I accidentally made a rhyme.

"Okita sighed, frustrated" HONESTLY, ME TOO.

"How clearly do I have to spell this out for you." I'm beginning to wonder that myself. He just wants some company, Chizuru! Is that SO HARD to imagine? X_X

"He began to run his fingers through my hair." Oooh! Physical contact :3 Chizuru = pet cat!

"as the tip of his finger touched my skin, my heart skipped." Yeeeesssss... Feel the thirst flow through you... 3:)

Are we gonna get a thirsty Western uniform pan, now? :P

"I tried facing him directly, but for some reason my heart was thudding in my chest..." :O Oh my! I cannot think of a possible explanation! You should get that checked out! >:P

"you find me sexy right now, don't you?" AH-HAH! >:D Caught red handed!

Ugh, can't believe he tricked me into saying he looks good. >:(

UGH. Doctor Matsumoto still needs to perform a final exam on Okita?! Just let him go already X_X

Wow, has Okita been seething against Hijikata this whole time? That... Can't be healthy -_-

"Okita had the tendency to act rashly and avoid looking at the bigger picture, particularly when Hijikata was involved." No shit. He's going to be such a handful X_X

"You're coming, right?" Of course. I'm not just going to sit around here while everyone I care about gets killed O_O besides, you need my nutritious and delicious blood to keep you nice and healthy ^_^

"she can't keep her eyes off me for long enough, to the point where she'll follow me wherever I go" Yeah, because that's how you win at this game >:P

"Aw, is that some blushing I see? It's the truth." Yup.

"Well, yeah," SHE ADMITTED IT!!! 8D

"So, Yukimura. It appears you have some feelings for Okita, is this true?" OH, FRICKING GREAT!!! NOW I'M BEING INTERROGATED BY MY DAD'S EX- COLLEAGUE ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE X_X IF THE GROUND COULD SWALLOW ME NOW, THAT'D BE GREAT! OKITA IS SUCH A DICK XD

OKITA. STOP.

Doctor, why you gotta be so serious? O:

"Criminy..." Uh... Is that a real word?...

Omg, it is a real word! I have never heard anyone use it but, tbf, this is the 1860s :P

Okita needs to stop saying that every decision that Kondou makes that he doesn't like is because Hijikata "coerced" him. He's a grown man. He can think for himself. Please respect his autonomy X_X This is not healthy.

Uuuuuugh. Kaoru >_< Seriously, get a life!

"I'm here to watch the Shinsengumi flail around like pathetic losers as they watch their friends die." ... KAORU, THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS A HOBBY >_<

"Looks like you made it in time for the show, though. You'll be able to witness the glorious execution of the Shinsengumi's idiot chief." Or, in other words, we arrived in time to try and rescue him >:)

"You look nice. All your little boo-boos patched up?" Uhh... There's a lot to unpack here...

"Okita reveled in the vicious display, allowing Kaoru's blood to shower him as he swung repeatedly at the Demon." O_O Umm... Okita? Maybe CHILL THE FUCK OUT. O_O HE IS MY BROTHER, YOU KNOW?!

Aaaand, seemingly Kaoru's going to milk that fact... -_-

Did he... Stab me in the mouth?!?? What am I looking at here? X_X

Also, why doesn't he just activate his demon form!?!

Wait, is he feeding me the Ochimizu?!

Kaoru says that the water of life will eat away at Okita's body faster than if he'd just succumbed to TB but that's clearly not true if he's living long enough to see the end of the Shinsengumi. Plus, a short life of action is better than spending the rest of your days fading away in a sickbed.

"Okita comforted me with the soft tickle of his hands as they wiped away each tear with a warm touch." :3 Pretty darn wholesome! I will concede this point!

"you're a sweetheart." :3 Thank.

"You're a good girl" And am I supposed to wag my tail at that? X_X

"I... I am in love with Okita." O: Damn, that'll go straight to his head X_X

"more than anything or anyone" not that that's saying much :P Sorry, romantic moment, must resist shit talking urges!

"I believed that if I died, no one would give a shit." </3 O: )': DX Neveeeeeerrrrr!!!!

I prescribe HUG INJECTION >:(

"You look like shit" -_- Way to kill the mood.

"Here, come closer." :D Okay, I forgive you! <3

Oh, he played the uno reverse card on my hug plan :O

"How could I keep myself calm when the man I loved held me delicately in his arms?" BIG. MOOD.

Awe, he didn't kill Kaoru because "my heart knew it didn't want you to hate me..." <3 <3 <3 >.<

"My heart melted." SAME.

Chapter 2:

Damn, we're only on Chapter 2 and things are already getting pretty fluffy...

"Do you want me to sleep next to you?" DO IT. XD I dare you :P

"I wonder if Okita thought of me as nothing more than a silk kimono and a warming stone, as if that was all I could offer..." Girl, come on! Don't sell him short like this! Oh, and tell me more about what you want to offer him 3:)

Well, it looks like blood is the answer, for now O_O

"Y-You're not gonna offer me a-any blood today? Trying to play hard to get?" -_-

"his warm mouth drew my blood into his full, tender lips." X_X Sounds like someone needs a cold shower...

"I'm a diseased freak with no hope for the future." D: Don't say that! Everybody dies eventually! You still have strength to achieve the things you want and we can still be happy together! :'(

"I will be by your side, Okita... No matter what." YUS >:)

SEN!!! <3

"Would it have killed you to at least write us a letter?" O: I'm sorry! X_X

Ha. Bold of you to assume that Kodo's continued research might be in your favour.

"Kondou has surrendered to the Imperial Army." O_O OH FUCK.

And of course Okita is blaming Hijikata X_X

"You are making assumptions, most of which are uninformed" Yeah, you tell him, Sen-bae!

I still don't see why we can't at least try to rescue Kondou >:( Are we just supposed to sit tight and wait for him to be executed?!??

" I'm sure that Kondou would be very unhappy to hear his life was saved at the cost of Okita's." >:( And I'm sure that he would be even more unhappy to hear that Okita spent the rest of his days confined to his bed, in misery and anguish. >:(

The dream was pretty wholesome :'o

I guess protecting the things that are important to Kondou, like his legacy, is more important than protecting Kondou himself. Kondou entrusted his legacy to Okita, and so his efforts might be better spent elsewhere, rather than on rescuing Kondou. :'( That's up to him, though.

HUG ALERT!!! 8D

"No matter how many times he touched me, I couldn't have imagined ever tiring of the sensation..." XD The thirst is real!

"Y'know, ever since you came into my life, I've always given you a hard time..." WHERE IS THE LIE?

These two assholes in each other's arms, like "Welp, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of telling you that I love you so we're just going to continue this totally not heterosexual hug right now and stfu."

:D I am happy to see Hijikata! However, I know someone who may feel differently -_-

"Would you like me to wake him." O_O Nooooot a good idea, Chizuru!

"Without me to blame, I doubt he'll have anything to motivate him, and I'm worried he'll lose the will to live." :O Hijikata, that's kind of sweet in a fucked up kind of way but you underestimate the power of LOVE >:)

THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE FUCKING KAORU AGAIN!!!

:O Kazama and Amagiri?! I was beginning to think that Kazama had lost interest in me. Or, at least, hoped he had.

"This evening... Isami Kondou was beheaded." I just gasped out loud! Kondou, no! D':

OMG, IS CHIZURU TRANSFORMING INTO A BADASS DEMON?! 8D 8D 8D

"A woman who has sullied herself with the water of life is unworthy of my love. Consider this over." ... IF I KNEW THAT THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK, I WOULD HAVE DRANK THAT FUCKING CONCOCTION YEARS AGO >_<

"You are dead to me." GOOD.

Awe, Okita! :'(

NOW I'M CRYING, TOO D'X Damn this game DX

Chapter 3:

Chasing down the Shinsengumi >:) ... Again! If this is anything like Kazama's route, this is going to be depressing af...

We're like two fuzzy wood creatures, going from cozy spot to cozy spot to snooze in during the day :')

"Be a good girl," >_< Staaaaaahhhp!!!

"They went thattaway!" XD I know that this situation is pretty dire but that sentence makes me chuckle!

"Fight...? You?" Ye bitch! >:) I got me my ochimizu powers now!

"How dare you, you bastard!" UM. YOU ATTACKED US!!! WE WERE TRYING TO HAVE A NAP!

*Slash, slash, squelch, splat* X_X

"Ahahaha! You're just helpless pigs!" -_- Uh, Okita? Calm the fuck down, k? You're starting to sound like Kazama!

"his sadistic display of sword mastery." Yup, they be the right words -_-

Ugh, I got shot. Probably shouldn't have been standing around doing NOTHING X_X

D: I killed a guy! GUYS, CHIZURU JUST STABBED SOMEONE IN THE HEART, COME AND SEE!!! :')

"Chizuru, you're trying to hard." *Hides guide* I don't know what you could possibly mean :) :) :)

:O a kunai?! Could it be... my boy YAM?!

YAM!!! :'D

"I just assumed you died or something." Okita is the queen of tact, as always :')

Wait, Yamazaki, don't stay behind on your own O':

NOOOOOOOOO O_O

YAMAZAKIIIIIIII!!!!

OMG HE'S OKAY!!! 8'D 8'D

"I... Cannot afford to die yet..." Doesn't stop you in most routes, though, does it? X_X

"This doesn't look good..." Oh no! Is he going to succumb to his injuries off screen?! D': Classic Yamazaki D,X

"You've been spying on us for days, and I didn't even notice." :') That's our Yam boy!

Aw, Okita gave Yamazaki the thank you!

I reeeeeaaally don't think that Kondou would want Okita to murder Hijikata X_X

"I am going to be late, but I promise to return." YOU HAD BETTER. >:( DON'T DIE, YAMAZAKI!

Owl <3 Hoot hoot to you too, my friend!

Don't kill Hijikata, you dumbass. -_-

"A penchant for violence" X_X That's Okita all right!

It would be funny if he were drinking from Chizuru's foot, instead... Just, something about the way he's holding her hand invites that image XD

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! WHY DOES A BATTLE HAVE TO ERUPT EVERYWHERE WE GO!?!

"Okita grabbed my hand" 8D < Happy Chizuru!

Wait... I'M GETTING BLOODLUST?!? MONSTER CHIZURU IS UNLEASHED >:)

Oh, I guess not. Kinda disappointed, tbh XD

Ugh, can we just catch up to Hijikata already? Let's get this over with.

Wait, his sister was "wedded off to some deadbeat"!?! I wonder how old she was... :/

"I was bullied and given shit all the time." :'(

The CG of Okita giving Hijikata the evils is BEAUTIFUL! X'D

"He was a rich snob" somehow, I doubt that...

Wow, Okita really is seething with passionate jealousy for Hijikata... Even though Kondou gave him the sword X_X

I feel like Kondou's relationship with Hijikata is different enough than Okita and Kondou's that Okita's intense jealousy seems a bit much...

It sort of feels kind of like a kid being jealous of their dad's new girlfriend X_X

MORE HUGS >:D

"Before I knew it, you slithered your way into my heart..." That's a pretty weird but also adorable thing to say X'D SLITHER SLITHER

"And you know just what to say," I KNOW, UNCANNY, RIGHT :) :) :) *hides guide*

"We couldn't help but succumb to the hypnotic lull of our passionate embrace." XD Does this mean a fade-to-black is coming :P

I love that their following Hijikata tracks like they're hunting the wild Hijikata beast XD

Is he all alone?

Oh, he has a bodyguard XD

Really inappropriate time to mention this but this route makes Hijikata seem more attractive to me than before XD Maybe it's because of the contrast with Okita's sadistic, violent, volatile side... Maybe it's because he seems more vulnerable when being berated by Okita, idk XD Leave Hijikata alone, Okita!

"You could have saved him!" But Hijikata has RESPONSIBILITIES. He can't just abandon his men and their cause to save Kondou, even if he wanted to :'(

"I COULDN'T!!!" Yeah, you tell him, Hijikata >:(

OKITA, DON'T PUNCH HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE!!! I mean, uh... XD

Wait, we're not going with the Shinsengumi?! O_e

"Hijikata's a real dumbass, don't you think?" -_- .......NO!

Kondou reading to tiny Okita = mega cuteness!

"If I never met Kondou, there's no doubt in my mind that I'd be waaaaay more cuckoo than I am now." And nobody, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT O_O

"You and Kondou are pretty similar" Obviously, that's a compliment and I'm super flattered but I reeeeeaaally hope that this relationship isn't just because Chizuru reminds him of Kondou XP

"My heart suddenly melted in my chest." What, again!?! Chizuru's heart had been through A LOT during this route -_-

"To be fair, it was a little strange of Okita to compare a woman he loved to a man he viewed as a father..." <<< See?! :P

Skipping off, hand in hand :')

Chapter 4:

Aw, tiny Chizuru sadness flashback </3

It's unthinkably awful, what happened to the village, but revenge =/= genocide.

Chizuru, y u lie? -_-

"There were men who took pleasure from their evil deeds." And demons, too... And Okita, to an extent XD

Ugh, I bet Kaoru's gonna sneak up on me while Okita's gone and be all, "Yeeeeesssss.... Give in to your anger... Feel the hate flow through you..." Fucking annoying hate goblin child.

OH, LOOK WHO IT IS!!!

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" Oh, I'M A BITCH??!! Sure thing, tiny asshole. -_-

"At long last, we can come together. We can be the siblings were born to be." ... Happy and free from the burdens of hate and bitterness? O_O

"We are going to massacre the evil forces conspiring within this country, for the good of our people." ... What people? The dead ones? Yeah, I'm sure they'll be reeeeeeaaal grateful from their graves. Sounds like you just want an excuse to torment some humans, you sadistic piece of shit -_-

"Suddenly, I craved blood..." OH HO!

"I... I craved Okita's blood..." 'Sonly fair >:P

"my entire body screamed to tear Okita limb from limb." 8O Yikes.

I... Kinda want to know what happens if I give in to the bloodlust... ��

Buuuuut I gotta endure it. Damn.

Oh, it's cold up North, is it? ;P What can we possibly do to stay warm in bed?

PENGUIN HUDDLE is hopefully the answer.

<3 :D Looking up at the stars together!

"I want to make your wishes come true. All of them..." :D Okita is every girl's dream sexy murder genie :)

""If you still plan on walking away from me and everything you have..." Okita reached his hand to me kindly." :) :) :)

"Then, I will kill you " FFS XD THIS BITCH!!!

I bet we're gonna kiss now or something. Damn that sexy murder genie X_X

Oh, no kissing, just crying XD That's... Actually more appropriate, even if they are happy tears :')

O WAIT, "I grabbed ahold of him madly" ...

SMOOCHY SMOOCHY >:)

"For once in my life, I felt whole," Awe </3 "the thought of which nearly brought my tears." BITCH, UR ALREADY CRYING XD

"each breath between our zealous smacking grew more strained and sensuous." O_e ... Uh, what did I just read? XD XD XD

"now that Kondou's gone... I only have one reason to fight." Uh... I have a feeling that it's a Chizuru reason... He really needs to find his own motivations, instead of just attaching himself to the causes of people who give him attention. Okay, that was a bit harsh. X_X I'm sorry, Okita!

"How about another kiss, huh?" "B-but, um... W-we just kissed..." ... SO!?! GIRL, YOU KNOW YOU'RE HOT FOR HIM!

"I'm askin' you if you'll have me or not." ... When he says "have", does he mean . . .

"Well, I think there's a time and place for everything." ... Damn. Is this game suggesting that if I say yes, I'm a slut and he'll think less of me? XP BOOOOOOO!

"Watching you squirm like that makes me want to play with you even more." XD As I predicted: Big Dom Energy!

"As long as I will live, I will crave your touch..." *Munches popcorn* Just screw, damn it!

"Our plump lips smeared against one another, and he pulled at a fistful of my hair, drawing me deeper into him as he bit forcefully into my lower lip." :O ... Kinky! >:P I totally called it XD

"I do not mind putting up with anything you might do to me, Okita." How... Romantic?? O_e Just admit that you're horny, Chizuru! There's no shame, I swear!

"I bet when I'm gone, you'll sob like a baby." :'O YES. OBVIOUSLY. >:'(

"Okita spooned me," Classic XD

Ew, Kodo.

"You look pale. Please do not tell me that you have been refusing to drink blood." XD Thanks for your concern...

Bless Okita for offering himself as an all-you-can-eat buffet X_X

"If I were to commit to this relationship, then it meant I needed to separate myself from my family." DRAMAAAA! :D *Pulls out another bag of popcorn*

"I have no desire to carve a life that comes at the expense of hurting others." PREACH B)

#hakuoki #hakuouki #okita #okita souji #edo blossoms #LONG #SALT #otome adventures #SO MANY WORDS #I DIDN'T KNOW THAT TUMBLR HAD A WORD LIMIT BUT I GUESS I FOUND IT #Tune in for part 4 #i have an addiction

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megalony · 5 years ago

Text

Mother dearest- Part 2

This is the second part to my Ben Hardy fic which I hope everyone enjoyed that is based on a previous imagine I did and the tv show The Act. I may do another follow-up part, I’m undecided about that yet.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction

Part 1

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where on Earth have you been?!"

(Y/n) closed her eyes as her shoulders tensed at the tone her mother was shrieking at her in. She slowly closed the front door behind her, wanting to simply rest her weight against it and collapse to the floor in a heap.

Ben had offered when he brought (Y/n) back to come inside with her either for support or to calm her down. He didn't want to leave her here with her mother when she was in such a state. (Y/n) had stayed with Ben the previous night and he had tried his best to help her and calm her down but the longer the night went on the more (Y/n) seemed to get upset.

Her mother had lied to her.

(Y/n) ate some chocolate, a biscuit, had a few spoonfuls of sugar in a very milky coffee and all that happened was she was sick. She wasn't allergic to sugar but now that she hadn't had much at all for over four years, her body was becoming intolerable to it. Her mother had ruined her metabolism, made her sick more times than she could count and had her on a diet that had made her ill and very skinny for nothing. She had lied to (Y/n) for years because she wanted something wrong with her so she could keep her at home and continue to 'care' for her.

This made (Y/n) think that if her mother had lied about this to her, what else had she lied about?

Had (Y/n) really needed all of those operations on her eyes? Did she need her salivary glands removed when she was seven? She knew she had epilepsy when she was little but her mother still made her take the medication for it, does she actually need to take the medication that stops her from being able to drive? The medication that often made her sick and had ruined three of her teeth when she was younger. Did (Y/n) really need the medication for her stomach or was she simply feeling ill due to her mother cutting out sugar in her diet?

Did (Y/n) actually suffer from sleep apnea when she was younger and did she have sleeping problems now or was she being dosed on medication for the sake of it?

Finally opening her eyes, (Y/n) looked up at her mother who was speeding towards her now. Concern mixed with anger was plastered on her face as she rested her hands to (Y/n)'s shoulders only to have her daughter shrug her away. (Y/n)'s head was pounding from the constant questions and worries floating around in her mind.

She had spent last night in Ben's arms going through everything but it only made her feel worse. Now she was home and able to get the answers she needed, (Y/n) didn't know if she actually wanted them or not. This was her mother, the woman who had said it was her purpose to care for (Y/n). This was her mother who had taken her to the hospital, gotten her the medication she apparently needed. Who knew when to give her the medication, who knew what foods she liked that she could actually eat. Her mother who loved her and cared for her all of her life.

If everything about her medical history had been a lie then that made most of (Y/n)'s life false. It made her ill for no reason and made her suffer and be held back for no reason at all except her mother's uncontrollable need to be wanted. It meant (Y/n) didn't actually know her mother as well as she thought she did. It made a hatred grow inside (Y/n) for her mother.

"I've been with Ben." (Y/n) responded, no emotion to her voice as she stared at her mother through tortured eyes. Pushing her weight off of the front door (Y/n) barged past her mother with the little strength she had left, aiming for the kitchen.

"All night?! I don't know what's gotten into you (Y/n) but this is not acceptable- what are you doing?" Her mother stopped in her tracks when (Y/n) suddenly took an apple and taken a rather large chunk out of the fruit she was never allowed. The fruit that had sugar in which would apparently flare up her allergy. (Y/n) wasn't sure if she really liked the taste or not, there were so many foods and drinks that she could try now that she knew she could have them. But at the same time she couldn't go and stuff herself with sugar because her body had done without it for years, she would have to gradually get used to it and that was all because of her mother.

"You lied to me. I'm not allergic to sugar." (Y/n)'s words seemed to go in one ear and out the other as she watched her mother hurriedly rummage around in the cupboard to her right which contained plasters, bandages, medications and her spare EpiPen.

"Oh, you stupid girl! That boy has twisted your head, of course you're allergic, we're going to have to go to the doctors again." She mumbled the last part to herself as she reached out to grab (Y/n)'s arm. Her patience wearing thin when her daughter shrugged her away. (Y/n) hit out at her mother when she roughly pulled her arm to try and stab the EpiPen into her arm for the adrenaline that she didn't need. (Y/n) had eaten sugar last night, she had eaten far too much for her system and threw it back up but she wasn't allergic.

Reaching her hand out, (Y/n) grabbed the EpiPen from her mother and threw it to the floor. Her eyes were beginning to burn with acidic tears that were falling from her features as she stared at her mother with a burning fury.

"Stop it." (Y/n) whispered lowly, almost snarling at her mother as she didn't receive a response. Her mother seemed to be shocked in place, unsure what she was meant to do now she had clearly been caught. "I don't need glasses, I'm not allergic to sugar. Tell me what else you lied about." Her mother seemed to take a moment to blink as she came to the realisation that (Y/n) wasn't wearing her navy blue glasses like she normally was.

(Y/n) had thought last night that if her mother could lie about any of her conditions, had she lied about needing glasses too? She had always been told that the operations on her eyes had made her sight a bit better but she needed the glasses to keep her vision corrected. Last night (Y/n) took them off and tried to read a book or just walk around without them. She could read a book, she could watch tv and she could walk around with perfect vision without the glasses sitting on her nose. This was only more proof that she had been lied to all of her life and (Y/n) had an awful feeling that she was actually perfectly healthy meaning all of her life was a lie.

"Now listen to me. That boy has put ideas in your head. Your vision is better now but you need those glasses to keep it that way, you have always been allergic to sugar... maybe your just beginning to tolerate it now. Stop acting out like this. We'll forget you sneaking out and disappearing to be with this boy but this is the only time. You do not see him again."

Something horrid seemed to come over (Y/n). She didn't know what it was but she had never felt such a feeling of anger and pure hatred in all her life. The apple that was beginning to get crushed in her hand was suddenly launched at the far wall, splattering its juice up the wall and letting chunks of soggy apple fly out and slide down the wall. A sob escaped her lips as she kicked her foot out at one of the cupboards beside her.

This was not fair. This was not how things were meant to happen. (Y/n) should have had a childhood like Ben did. She should have been able to go out and make friends, go to school full time, not have to live in a hospital. She should have been able to eat sweets and chocolate and fruit and normal bread and desserts. She shouldn't have been put on a diet for no reason or had all of those appointments or operations for what seems to be nothing. (Y/n) is eighteen, she should be able to go out with Ben and be and feel normal but her mother wasn't allowing that.

"If you've lied to me about anything else, I will never forgive you." (Y/n) didn't have the strength to fight her mother on this when it seemed that all her mother was going to do was lie to save her own skin. (Y/n) could find out the truth in other ways, she didn't need to try and get her mother to tell the truth when she was so desperate to guard it and keep it secret.

Spotting her phone on the counter near to her mother, (Y/n) took it on her way out of the kitchen as she headed upstairs. Knowing her mother thought she was backing down like she always did.

(Y/n) couldn't stay here knowing what her mother had done all her life, she couldn't continue to be here and be treated like a sick child younger than she actually was. Being told to sit and play or go to her room or having timed medication for things she didn't need. Her mother was going to treat her like a baby and she didn't want to be trapped with no escape. (Y/n) wanted to be away from the house that was becoming a locked cage to her. Ben's mother said if ever she needed, (Y/n) could stay with them if things got complicated at home and that was the only option (Y/n) had.

Her mother had isolated her from any of their family since she was a baby, she only had two friends and Ben. She had no other friends or family and knew no one else who could get her out of this situation. Ben was her lifeline and all she could do was hang onto that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey baby, how's it going with your mum?" Ben's tone was gentle yet understanding. He had been waiting all night for a text message or a phone call from her to say that she was alright or she needed picking up or that something had happened. He had mulled over everything in his head and had even talked to his mother about it and all he could come up with was the same conclusion that there was something up with (Y/n)'s mother.

To fake your child's illness in such horrific ways was uncalled for and unheard of. Ben didn't like the thought of (Y/n) being back at home with her mother who was clearly manipulative in case something happened. And the longer he didn't hear from (Y/n) the more worried he became.

"Can you come get me?" (Y/n)'s mother had always played up on her epilepsy, sometimes she had said (Y/n) had seizures in her sleep and so she was kept on medication and this meant that she couldn't learn to drive. That was also good for her mother because it meant (Y/n) couldn't leave if she was mad or angry or simply wanted to escape. She had successfully trapped (Y/n) at home until she met Ben who had his own car and could drive.

"Sure, has something happened?" She could already hear the blond moving about, probably going to get his keys and shoes to head for her now.

"I'm scared... mum's trying to give me meds and she gave me more sleeping pills than I normally take last night. She's not letting me out of her sight, I want to leave."

When she had been in her room her mother had come up with a small handful of pills for her stomach and epilepsy and last night had given her some sleeping pills too. (Y/n) knew she had been handed more pills than she needed and so had placed them into her mouth, drank the cup of water and when her mother left she quickly spat the pills out and flushed them down the toilet. Her mother was dosing her on medication she didn't need. She had given her more sleeping pills to knock her out in case she tried to leave during the night.

"You didn't take them, did you?"

"No, she's acting like I'm still ill a-and she doesn't want me to see you-" Ben could hear the panic and fear in his girlfriend's voice and it brought tears to his eyes. She was afraid for her safety because of her own mother, that was something no one should ever go through and it was something that (Y/n) had never had to worry about before now.

She had been so close to her mother before and now she was seeing that the world wasn't the way she had been told it was. She was seeing her mother's true colours and Ben knew that was going to affect her much more than it would for anyone else.

"Alright, calm down sweetheart. I'm leaving now, I'll be ten minutes I promise just hang on 'til I get there." Ben hushed, trying to keep his tone level as he headed out the front door, pushing his phone into his pocket when (Y/n) mumbled a quick response. She needed Ben to come and get her now before something happened with her mother who was getting increasingly worrying for (Y/n). She was being sickly sweet to (Y/n) but there was a threatening aura about her that was setting her on edge.

Her mother was going back to acting as if she was a child and nothing was wrong between them. She seemed to have a reset button and was continuing to act like (Y/n) still had all of her medical problems that they both knew were all false. She had caught (Y/n) having a jam sandwich and scolded her because jam had sugar in. Out of fear, (Y/n) had put the sandwich in the bin because her mother had gone to grab the EpiPen. She was willing to keep dosing (Y/n) with adrenaline for no reason whatsoever which could have harmed her body over the years.

Grabbing the binder sat in front of her, (Y/n) got to her feet, stuffed her phone into her bag and slung it on her shoulder. She couldn't hide up here and wait for Ben to turn up, she needed to wait downstairs or even out in the street so her mother couldn't prevent her from leaving.

(Y/n) paced up and down the hallway for a few moments before slowly descending down the stairs, trying to prolong the time so she could get outside when Ben arrived. It never took him long to get here but today the minutes were turning into hours. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, her head turned in the direction of her mother who was just walking out of the living room, stopping in her tracks when she saw her daughter.

"What are you doing, honey? Why have you got my binder?" Her tone started in the same usual sickly sweet way before her words were more spiteful, more dark and humourless when she noticed the pink and blue striped binder in (Y/n)'s arm.

"You lied to me about everything, how can you expect me to stay when I know what you're doing?" (Y/n)'s tone was heartbroken as she watched the sorrow, fear and anger run around in her mother's eyes. The binder was all the proof (Y/n) needed to know that her life was a lie that she had been fed. It showed her medical history and all the procedures and appointments she had. Each one said that her mother said she had vision problems, her mother said she was epileptic and having fits in the night. Her mother told the doctors that she had stomach problems, that she needed her salivary glands removed. Her mother said she was allergic to nuts and sugar. Her mother told them everything that was wrong with (Y/n) and they went along with it.

If a doctor didn't do what she wanted she went and found one who would and (Y/n) hadn't known. All her life she had thought her mother knew best, that she knew what was wrong with (Y/n) and how to deal with it but she hadn't. She had played everyone to get what she wanted. She wanted sympathy for caring for a sick daughter who was never going to leave because she needed constant care.

"I told you to stop this stupid game. Give that to me and go to your room-"

"To do what? Play happy families with a lying, cheating, vicious mother and act like I'm eight? I don't want to be near you anymore." How could her mother think she would give in? That she would simply go upstairs like a scolded child and live out the rest of her life pretending to be sick.

It was as if on cue that there was a knock at the door and (Y/n) didn't have to open it to know that on the other side it was Ben. He hadn't sat in the car like usual, he had been more on edge than normal and he knew that if (Y/n) didn't run out of the house to get to the car straight away he should knock on the door to check on her. Both (Y/n) and her mother locked eyes for a split second as one was confused and one was relieved about the person on the other side of the door.

Pressing the binder closer to her chest, (Y/n) turned and unlocked the door within a split second. The door only just opening to reveal Ben before a gasp left her lips, her head jolting backwards when she felt her mother grasping her hair to pull her back.

(Y/n)'s elbow flew into her mother's stomach, successfully winding her which caused her to stumble, pulling (Y/n) with her until her daughter fell to the floor. The binder crashed into her chest before slumping to the floor beside her as a groan escaped her lips, each bone crashing to the wooden floorboards causing shockwaves to rocket through her. Shaking her head to try and stop the sudden dizziness, (Y/n) managed to make out her mother shouting at Ben, clearly knowing who he was but not wanting him here.

She tried to tell him that (Y/n) was fifteen in a feeble attempt to shock him into leaving but he simply scoffed. Hitting her hands off his arm when she tried uselessly to get him out of the door again. Leaning over, Ben quickly slipped his arms around (Y/n)'s frame and hoisted her to her feet as she scrambled to grab the binder. Everything happening in a split second as Ben pushed her behind him, holding his arm out to keep her out of the firing line of her mother as he backed them both out the door very quickly.

"Get in the car." He whispered the words sternly in her ear, his hand pressing to her lower back as he nudged her to hurry because he could feel her mother trying to grab his shirt to stop him.

When both of them were in the car Ben wasted no time hitting the lock button on the dash, his frame jumping at Katie who was hitting the door and window so harshly he wouldn't be surprised if she put her fist through the glass. (Y/n) curled up in her seat, pulling her knees up to her stomach as she clasped the binder very tightly to her chest. Tears burnt into her features like droplets of acid her she tried to stop her chest from quivering but it was useless. She couldn't help but let out small sobs or her body shaking.

Neither of them said anything to one another on the short drive down to Ben's house. When Ben pulled up in the drive, he turned to look at (Y/n) as she was leaning her head against the window and he thought she was going to start rocking back and forth at any moment.

"Baby... talk to me." When Ben gingerly reached out to take her hand she didn't pull away. (Y/n) slowly turned her head to look at Ben, her eyes glassy and dull as tears were distorting her vision.

"S-she lied about everything." Letting go of his hand, (Y/n) set the binder on his lap. Watching as he narrowed his eyes in confusion before he started to look through the rather large binder that was full to the brim with medical notes and papers and signed documents. "I'm not allergic to sugar, I d-didn't need my salivary glands out... my vision is fine, she gave me meds for my stomach but I was fine. I haven't had an epileptic fit in years b-but she gave me the meds and they ruined some of my teeth."

Ben felt the urge to be sick as he looked through each document in the file. It showed how many times Katie had taken (Y/n) to the hospital and how every time, the doctors believed her when she said something was wrong with (Y/n). They didn't do many tests to prove this, they just accepted and did whatever treatment or gave whatever meds Katie wanted.

Closing the binder without looking all the way through the files which would take hours, Ben turned so he was better facing (Y/n). He swiped his thumb over her cheek, gently brushing away some of the tears.

"She can't lie to you anymore sweetheart. You're staying with me, she can't hurt you anymore." Ben continued to brush away the tears as he pressed his lips to hers. He wouldn't let her mother abuse her or hurt her anymore, as long as she stayed with him he would do everything he could to make sure she would be alright.

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben x reader #imagine #borhap #mother dearest

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wolfpawn · 5 years ago

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I Hate You, I Love You Chapter 2

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog

Four hours, it had been four hours since his mother left the house to go to Danielle's, but she had yet to return, and her car, and from what he could see into Elle's front garden, hers too, still in the driveways, he assumed neither had gone anywhere.

The time Tom had been in the house had at first been beneficial, allowing him to sort a few things he needed, but after a while, when his mind was allowed to think over his mother's reaction, and that of Elle, he became somewhat annoyed. He received a text from Taylor, stating she was going out shopping with the "squad" for the afternoon, so expect to see loads of pictures, but not to text or ring, it was ‘girl time’. That sort of thing would never have bothered Tom, he did have two sisters after all, but the memory of her getting irked when he did not reply to her text when he finished an exhausting scene in Australia came to the fore of his mind. Taking it all as him being jetlagged, he tried to make some tea. Boiling the kettle, he looked out to his mother’s garden, which was looking great. Diana always loved gardening, but being a single mother with a full-time career never afforded her the opportunity before, now, she claimed half its success was solely based on Danielle’s help, the young woman using her free time to aid his mother, rather than partying or finding herself a boyfriend.

Danielle had moved in next to his mother five years previous from Ireland. It was before the fame of the Avengers, but yet after Thor and War Horse, so he was on the path to fame, she had known the family before the name Hiddleston became internationally known, but being a fan of Marvel, she had known who he was. He had met her for the first time when he rang his mother to collect him from the airport after an audition in the US, and his mother could not make it, so she sent Elle instead, without telling Tom, so she knew who he was, and he did not know who she was. All that met him was a small woman, in a paramedic's uniform, standing beside an emergency vehicle, that he soon learned was supposed to bring an advanced paramedic or doctor to a scene of an accident, something he would have preferred her to tell him at a kitchen table, and not having to calm him after him assuming something had happened his mother at the arrivals door of an airport. The young medic soon made herself a firm part of the Hiddleston household. She aided his mother as best she could, calling to her before every shift to see if she needed anything, and bringing it to her the next morning, since she did the night shifts, she was the one age with Emma, so she and his sister were almost as close as sisters, and if the family wanted to go out for a meal without his niece when Sarah was around, she would call in a shift change and babysit for them, as well as playing chauffeur to him when he would arrive in Suffolk for a few days. Now, it would seem she was not the least bit comfortable around him and had done everything she had as a favour to his mum.

The sound of laughter caught his attention, and leaning onto the balls of his feet, Tom could see the origins of said laughter and it annoyed him. His mother and her neighbour were in the latter’s back garden, picking a few vegetables, clearly comfortable in each others company, even after supposedly spending the last four hours talking, something he had wanted to do with his mother, but she had obviously not wanted to do with him. He opened the window slightly, knowing it was not a gentlemanly thing to eavesdrop, but he felt as though it was justified, seeing as he was not going to get much conversation with anyone otherwise.

“I will make a soup with some tomorrow and drop it over if you’d like.” He heard Elle say.

“Thank you, sweetheart, you are too good.”

“I’ll freeze some as well, and drop a bit to his place when I am in London next week.”

“That’s not necessary darling, besides, I am not sure wasting your time cooking good sturdy home cooked meals is the right thing to do either. I am sure he is on a salad or some sort of craze diet now as well as she is.”

“He looked a little thinner, but that is probably just constant travel playing havoc on him, be nice. It’s the first time he bothered to come home alone since like, when?”

“Christmas.”

“What? Has it been that long? No, yeah, you’re right, in March you went to him in London. Well go in and spend some time with him so, he is only here for a couple of days. Who knows when he’ll have time again?”

“He has time, he just chooses to spend it jetting around the world with her in front of camera’s, honestly, it is like Crufts.”

“Diana!”

“It is, my son is just material for a new excuse for an album and in a year, he will be tarnished to any good women and the laughing stock of every major production company.”

Tom’s eyes widened at what his mother was saying; he had not known her distaste for his life choice could have gone that deep. He could hear the upset in her voice, how it nearly cracked at the end, he would wager she had tears in her eyes.

“It could be worse, she is very pretty, or was, she has a soccer mom haircut now, it looked far prettier when she had it long, or when it was the bleached, greyish blonde, and she is not using him for his money, that’s a good thing.” He heard Elle defend, sort of.

“There are others things worse than taking his money; he can earn more if he gets the work. Tom has a reputation as a serious, yet diverse actor; all he will get by the end of this is one of those stupid shark movies.”

“I actually think they are something of a cult classic, in an ‘it’s so bad, it is brilliant’ kinda way.” Elle half laughed.

“He needs to find himself a well grounded, hard working woman that will keep his head from the clouds and not have him gallivanting around with his nose in the air.”

“He comes from a wealthy background and is privately educated, not exactly grounded.” There was a small silence for a moment. “What? It’s not.”

“You can be too honest sometimes Danielle Hughes.”

“Yeah, well, I prefer to call things as I see them. But yes, going around with what was it, four bodyguards.”

“Five, five useless, attention grabbing fools that shouted ‘look at me, look at me.’ It is Suffolk for goodness sake, what was going to happen here, she gets assaulted by an over eager Cavalier King Charles to throw a ball or get its belly scratched, it was done for attention and attention alone. If you saw what way she acted in the house.”

“I have heard, the girls told me; I also got a play by play from your less than happy granddaughter.”

“What did she say?” There was something akin to fear in Diana’s voice.

“How she has not seen her favourite uncle since Christmas and that he was only allowed play with her in front of camera’s and when the, and I quote ‘princess’ allowed it. That he was not allowed spend time with her, how she only wanted her favourite piggyback-giver to read her the Gruffalo, but it was, and again I quote ‘silly nonsense’.” Elle revealed.

“What?” Diana was enraged, and Tom knew it. He had not realised his niece had felt that way, or that his family were so affected by his decision, but Elle’s revelations were not helping them get passed it, so he decided to put an end to the conversation before it got any worse. He walked to the back door, took a deep breath and opened it.

“Mum?” There was a moment’s silence. “Mum?”

“Yes, Thomas?” ‘Thomas’ her tone was glacial and the use of his full name, something she only did when she was reprimanding him told him he would not get much a reception from her anytime soon.

“Can I come in?” The two gardens were separated by a wooden fence, but since Danielle had been living there, a small gate had been put in. It was still quite high, to give both houses privacy, but easily opened to allow them into each others gardens, something most would thing odd, seeing as the occupier of one house had a Hollywood actor for a son, but it meant Elle was able to check on Diana at any time and Diana could go into Elle’s yard to feed her dog.

He could almost hear the silent looks both women were giving each other on the other side of the divide before he heard the click of the gate that allowed Elle’s side to open, he duplicated the action on his mother’s side and the gate opened, revealing a stern-faced Elle looking at him. “What’s the password?” Her face and tone were not as jovial as usual as she attempted the joke they had always had.

After hearing how the two women had spoken, in truth, he was not in the mood for her. “I need to talk to my mother.”

“That’s over five syllables.” She did not move.

“I am not in a gaming mood.”

“That was Hemsworth’s line, not yours.”

“Please, Elle.” He spoke through gritted teeth.

Pursing her lips, she finally moved out of the way and he walked into her garden, caught for a moment at how it looked. “You changed it.”

“Yeah, well, eight months since your last visit so, it does look different I suppose.” She shrugged.

“Sweetheart, the time,” Diana warned her.

Elle looked at her watch and cursed. “I have work in half an hour.” She stated, rushing into the house.

“What is it?” Tom had been so engrossed in watching Elle leave he had not realised his mother was in front of him. He looked down and felt guilty, now understanding why Danielle had stopped him up at the gate for a few moments. His mother had red around her eyes and nose, and Elle was giving her a moment to compose herself before allowing him to pass her. “What is so important you had to interrupt my talking to my neighbour?”

“I am only home for two days mum, you can talk to Elle anytime, she isn’t going anywhere. I was hoping you would actually speak with me.”

“‘She isn’t going…’ So I am to ignore someone who actually answers my phone calls to facilitate someone who will not, is that it?”

“I am your son.”

“Yes, you are.” There was an emotion in her voice that startled Tom more than her words she thought were in private did, shame. “I better get something packed for Elle for work; otherwise, she will be eating nothing for her shift.”

“That’s her problem, though, isn’t it?” Tom was getting angrier at his mother focusing on Elle and not him.

“She has to spend the next twelve hours hoping she has a boring night at work and not having to pull half dead and dying people from a car, or be called to a house fire, or God forbid even more terrible things, the least the girl could do after an afternoon of caring about me is have a good meal ready for her.” Diana snarled back at him. “What has happened you Thomas, you used to be the first to commend her, the first to acknowledge that as great as it is to give people the gift of entertainment, you and I, we do nothing as commendable or as noble as she does, and the manner you are speaking about her now, you… I cannot do this Thomas.” Diana held her hands up in defeat and walked into Elle’s house, leaving Tom alone in the garden.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #I hate you I love you #Chapter 2

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heavenburdened · 5 years ago

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GRIEVING, consumed with fear & mad with loneliness, eden finds himself more lost than ever ; and soon, like the distant stars and constellations he reads about in books, eden no longer seems to be part of this world. he imagines that he is made of the galaxies and nebulas —— light-years away and out of mind, out of sight ; drifting away peacefully in the cold vacuum of space & building his walls up high —— cementing them there, strong, as no one, not even once, comes to break them down. A LONELY PRINCE TRAPPED IN THE HIGHEST TOWER ; that’s what eden becomes yet again. yet he exudes a quiet unassuming warmth, for he is closer to the sun up here.

WHY HELLO THERE LOVELIES !!! i’m edie ( 23, she/hers, gmt+11, cat mum, literature nerd & tea enthusiast ) & my cute lil woc ass is so gosh darn excited to be a part of this muh’heckin amazing group ?!!?!?!??!?!?! i’m here with eden lovegrove ( and cha eunwoo’s heaven-sent face ????? can i get an amen ??!!!?? ) ; a #softnsadboi with a rrrrruff past who i’ll be introducing to you all right down below !!!!

DISCLAIMER : this ???????? is a heckin’ 1000-page novel. 2 ur left u will find refreshments n water —— pls stay hydrated whilst you read thru this !

[ ! ] CLICK HERE FOR A MOBILE VIEW ( less formatted for easier reading ! ) OF EDEN’S INTRO POST !

* ╰ APPLICATION !! ❜ ───

✧･ﾟ( atlas + cha eunwoo + cismale ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !! have you seen ( eden lovegrove ) around ? ( he ) has been in kaos for ( one week ). the ( twenty-four year old ) is a ( journalist & freelance writer ) from ( wisconsin, usa ). people say they can be ( ascetic ) but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be ( forbearing ). whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of ( a wound too great ; that always has been & won’t heal, grief ; consumed by sorrow & mad with loneliness that yet still could not keep the boy from kindness, and softness ; emanating from starlight and filling him full to the bone ). ･ﾟ✧ ( penned by edie, 23, gmt+11, she/hers ).

* ╰ STATISTICS !! ❜ ───

basics

BIRTH NAME: eden park ADOPTED NAME: eden lovegrove BIRTH DATE: february 25th, 1995 ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: pisces AGE: twenty-four CURRENT LOCATION: kaos, greece NATIONALITY: american ETHNICITY: south-korean GENDER: cismale SEXUAL ORIENTATION: demisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: homoromantic

background

BIRTH PLACE/HOMETOWN: wisconsin, usa ( birthplace & childhood residence ) —— manhattan, ny, usa ( late adolescence ) SOCIAL CLASS: lower class ( birth ), upperclass ( during late adolescence / adoption ), middle class ( present ) EDUCATION LEVEL: completed a journalism degree with honours at yale FATHER: franklin park MOTHER: dolores park SIBLINGS: matthew park, christopher park FATHER ( ADOPTIVE ): chet lovegrove MOTHER ( ADOPTIVE ): amelia lovegrove SIBLINGS ( ADOPTIVE ): everett lovegrove OCCUPATION & INCOME PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: journalist ; writing articles for guardian u.s. SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: freelance writing ; prose, poetry, essays, published in zines & online CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB? yes PAST JOBS: bookshop clerk, library assistant, florist SPENDING HABITS: very thrifty ; good at saving MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: a faded photograph of himself and his first love, now passed away

appearance / physical information

FACE CLAIM: cha eunwoo HAIR COLOUR: black EYE COLOUR: brown BUILD: mesomorph DOMINANT HAND: left hand HEIGHT: 183cm WEIGHT: 76kg INK: none PIERCINGS: none ALLERGIES: shellfish DIET: vegetarian

psychology

MBTI: infp ENNEAGRAM: type 2 ; the helper MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic good DOMINANT TEMPERAMENT: melancholic PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: verbal-linguistic & intrapersonal SOCIABILITY: medium EMOTIONAL STABILITY: stable DRUG USE: no ALCOHOL USE: yes PRONE TO VIOLENCE? no VIRTUES: ardent, profound, forbearing, sagacious VICES: reclusive, distracted, withdrawn, ascetic HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenclaw ACCENT: manhattan accent FAVOURITES ACTIVITY: reading, baking, knitting, writing, going on walks ANIMAL: cats BEVERAGE: boricha / barley tea COLOUR: powder blue FOOD: yachae sundubu jjigae / spicy soft tofu and vegetable stew CELEBRATION: christmas MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: walking MUSICIANS: keaton henson, flyte, palace, the black skirts, banff, kelsey lu, matt maltese SCENERY: the ocean BOOKS: disoriental by négar djavadi, the uncensored picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde, when i hit you: or, a portrait of the writer as a young wife by meena kandasamy, brother by david chariandy, & 10 minutes 38 seconds in this strange world by elif shafak.

* ╰ THE STORY !! ❜ ───

eden’s biography is trigger heavy, with the following triggers —— religious fundamentalism, homophobia, racism, physical & emotional abuse.

CHAPTER ONE : THE LONELY PRINCE.

COLOURED BY AMBIGUITY and suspended in an air of INEXACTNESS from the moment he breathed his first breath, eden park was born into the world as a simple PLACE HOLDER between his older and younger brother —— caught in the middle, outshone on both sides, and quite often FORGOTTEN, even as a child.

in amongst frank and dolores park’s hopes and dreams for their eldest and youngest sons, eden learned terribly early on that his existence mattered VERY LITTLE to anyone at all —— for while the youngest son ( matthew ) was doted upon, fussed over and coddled, and the eldest son ( christopher ) was given the responsibility of shouldering the entire burden of the park family name [ a family with important ties to the church community in wisconsin ] ; eden seemed to FADE AWAY into the background —— more an OBSERVER of his family’s comings and goings than an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT in amongst it all. growing up, eden had no particular expectations placed upon him, nor was he deemed any specific role to play ; and so he often spent his time ALONE and off and WANDERING, DRIFTING from interest to interest ; from this to that, biding his time in the absence of his parents who had their hands full with matthew and christopher, and their devotion to the religion that had gotten them through the hardships & aftermath of the korean war.

where his home life was tainted with an estranged apprehension, when eden was old enough to start attending school he discovered that this new part of the world was no sanctuary for him either. his peers pulled at the corners of their eyes whenever he passed, called him yellow, and jeered at the unusual & pungent packed lunches he brought. as the real world gave the young boy no reprieve ; eden turned to books —— opening the covers and crawling inside the pages to feel safe and at peace. with each new page, he would escape the exhaustion of his family life, and the terrors of the society around him would all but fade away. by falling into the quiet blank spaces that separated the printed, parallel lines of black, eden found himself a sanctuary of utter calm and peace ; safe at last from a world that was too cruel and too loud for his heart to bear the burden of.

and so the days passed & darkened. ballet, books, and an overwhelming sense of BEING ALONE ; eden spent his days growing his mind & heart in SOLITUDE, quite nearly completely HEEDLESS of extremist religious views his parents and siblings propagated as the world spun madly on. eden’s ballet recitals : missed by his parents, morning mass went by without breathing a single word to anyone —— the middle bed, left untucked. SURROUNDED by so many people and still so estranged, eden never truly was a part of the family he’d soon fatefully grow to HATE.

the only sanctuary of hope and light for eden was the one he found in a friend, then confidante, then lover ; a boy he’d met in ballet class at 8.

the boy who changed everything for eden.

the boy he was caught kissing at 16 in the park family’s garden ; blood red roses blooming.

SCREAMING, A BODY BROKEN, AGONY SINKING INTO EDEN’S BONES.

FADE TO BLACK.

CHAPTER TWO : THE HEART CAN BEAT OR IT CAN BURN.

sixteen years old, and eden awakes to the sight of his lover standing over him with a smile. brown eyes fill with tears of relief & a chest so sore it could burst begins to shake with sobs. the tears clear eden’s vision ; and as he becomes more lucid, the vision of his lover fades away. ALONE IN A HOSPITAL ROOM, the boy scrambles to recollect the series of events that led to his arrival in the emergency room ; something buried deep in the labyrinth of his mind unsettling, warning him, letting him know that he’s not ready to remember. the nurses don’t look him in the eye, and the doctors reek of a sickening mixture of sympathy and pity. everything is raw, and horrid, and lonely, and eden can’t quite figure out the reason behind why his heart feels so terribly broken.

after three sleepless days and nights, a social worker visits eden —— relaying to him the chain of events that led to his broken body & weakened soul. the social worker tells eden of how he and his lover had been caught kissing among the flowers —— she tells eden of how his brother, matthew, had discovered them. then she tells eden of how his family had hatefully beat the only person he had ever loved into a coma ; and how when their rage had still not been satisfied, in a fury, they turned on their own son and brother.

THE WOUND IS TOO GREAT —— it always has been & it won’t heal, and eden’s cries rip through the hospital ward like a scream of agony. his tears make him tremble so violently he feels as if he were a rainstorm shook by lightning.

the recovery is a long & arduous one. knees grazed scarlet —— every night, eden PRAYS. he prays for his lover, he prays for his family, and he prays for god to change him ; to save him ; to cleanse him of his sin ; black, purple & blue covering every inch of his soft skin. most of all, though, eden prays that the loneliness and pain that grows inside his heart like a disease will cease spreading ; the boy’s pillow stained with tears as he cries himself to sleep each night.

mutilated, torn, tortured & etched away at, eden is alive, but he is nothing but a hollow body ; a home for little more than an agonised, sorrow-drenched soul.

just one week after the incident, eden’s partner passes away ; and eden is taken into the care of the state —— never to hear from his parents or brothers again ; safe at last from them.

CHAPTER THREE : I WILL NOT RAISE HELL; HAVE WE NOT ALL ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH? I WILL RAISE MY VOICE, AND I WILL RAISE CONSCIOUSNESS.

ten months after the incident, eden is adopted into a family by the name of lovegrove —— a family tainted with far too much darkness for eden to ever call home. the lovegroves are an all-american, white family with ties to the republican party ; with the head of the family, chet lovegrove, having strong political aspirations. the lovegroves adopt eden into the family as a move for positive press, believing that having a person of colour adopted into the family will make for a more empathetic family narrative.

and so it goes that eden park is given the new name of eden lovegrove, and once again, THE WORLD SPINS MADLY ON. while under the gaze of the public-eye chet and amelia lovegrove parade their new son eden around as if he were the sole pride of the family ( much to the chagrin of everett, the lovegrove’s biological son ), behind closed doors, they stand back and do nothing as everett calls eden words like chink, faggot, gook, fruitcake and coolie ; disdain and disgust dropping from every syllable like venom.

grieving, consumed with fear & mad with loneliness, eden finds himself more lost than ever ; and soon, like the distant stars and constellations he reads about in books, eden no longer seems to be part of this world. he imagines that he is made of the galaxies and nebulas —— light-years away and out of mind, out of sight ; drifting away peacefully in the cold vacuum of space & building his walls up high —— cementing them there, strong, as no one, not even once, comes to break them down. A LONELY PRINCE TRAPPED IN THE HIGHEST TOWER ; that’s what eden becomes yet again. yet he exudes a quiet unassuming warmth, for he is closer to the sun up here.

as eden grows from adolescence to adulthood —— though he leaves ballet in the past, where memories too painful to bear the burden of have no risk of being dredged up —— his love for books and writing never waivers even in the slightest. literature helps him understand himself as he comes to terms with the world around him, and writing helps him find a voice in a world where people keep trying to tell him what he ought to be. traumatised, a foreigner, a faggot, a stranger amongst his own family. an outcast, an orphan, a charity case. with his pen as a sword ; ink running like blood, eden finds his voice —— learning to use it to speak words of love and truth in a world that has only ever been cruel to him ; raising his voice so that it can be a light in the darkness.

high society life tastes bitter upon eden’s kind palette ; and though he is treated with nothing but malice within lovegrove manor or the high society around him, eden endures the trials and tribulations of his new life in order to use his predicament for his own benefit. rather than fixating on the cruelties of his adoptive family, eden decides to focus instead on the opportunities that have presented themselves ; using the money and the connections that the lovegroves possess in order to grow into someone that his lover, lost in wisconsin but forever in his heart, can be proud of.

a quiet renegade, eden decides to pursue journalism, graduating with honours from yale ; becoming a questioner of the common, and using his compassion and kindness and his love for words to grow into a safe-harbour for the voiceless. his first piece, an exposé on the callous and tokenistic life he has lived with the lovegroves, leaves him branded as a traitor by the family that took him in for their own devices ; and finally, after being cast out in shame, eden finds himself free at last.

the name lovegrove suits him well, however ; love becoming him, love consuming him —— and so he keeps his adoptive surname, wearing it like a battle wound for all the world to see. writing of people’s stories, in search of the truth, kind, but lonely, this is the way that eden lovegrove spends his days.

ink-stained fingers & a sorrow-drenched soul that only wants to heal ; the stars, the moon, a study of the human condition through prose and endless essays. a journalist at guardian u.s., and a freelance writer, eden lovegrove is an ink splatter of words thrown against kaleidoscopic feelings —— messy, hurt, lost, ardent, sincere, broken, human, and so much stronger than he knows.

WHERE ONE STORY ENDS, ANOTHER BEGINS : ATLAS IN OLYMPUS.

“ SOMETIMES I GET THESE VISIONS — HORRIBLE VISIONS OF INEXPLICABLE VIOLENCE, GRIEF & SORROW [ … ] LIKE REMNANTS OF A PAST LIFE BLEEDING INTO MY PRESENT. ”

over the course of the past six months, eden has started experiencing some truly horrendous nightmares —— these terrors sometimes even creeping past the border of sleep, haunting him in visions during hours of waking.

trauma from the park household, trauma from the lovegrove family ; that’s what eden believes, and that’s what his therapist believes. how could they know that these visions are actually coming from a past life ? one where eden was condemned to hold up the celestial heavens for eternity, as atlas.

“ TAKE A BREAK, SON. A VACATION. THE WORLD WILL STILL BE HERE TO WRITE ABOUT WHEN YOU GET BACK. YOU GOT A GIRL ? TAKE HER SOME PLACE NICE. ”

eden doesn’t know how to tell his editor that he’s never had a girl, and nor will he ever. but the vacation doesn’t sound like too terrible an idea —— so eden packs up his belongings, and asks a man at the airport counter what the cheapest & earliest flight to someplace nice would be. KAOS, the man says. the island of kaos. and just like that, atlas finds his way to olympus.

eden’s toes curl gently into a horizon of golden sands ; soft waves lapping at his feet as he relearns how to breathe. a softness emanates from the setting sun ; filling the broken man, full, to the bone. the world is wide —— and for the first time in his life, on this strange and beautiful island called kaos, eden feels like he might be in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

since arriving in kaos one week ago eden’s nightmares have been getting worse ; and the visions, strange, violent, and full of glimpses of sorrow, split his head with migraines —— yet curiously, eden does not feel as if he is breaking —— on the contrary, it feels as if he is on the very edge of awakening.

–— AAAAAND, SCENE !!!!

i’ll get to posting some replies to starters & interacting tomorrow ( because i’m eXHAUSTED after an excruciatingly horrendous day at work today ), but please like this post if you’d like to plot something up ??? OR LITERALLY JUST slide into my dms and throw headcanons for our muses at me pls ?! bc i’m awfully awkward and idk ?? how ?? to aPPROACH PEOPLE for plotting !!!!!

okie bye i’m going to go make some dinner and then shall slumber for 2000 years, but ilu all already and am so excited !!!! to start !!!! writing !!!!!

#kaos:intro #IDEALLY this would include a tl;dr because it is #....... a straight up novel !#but dinner and then a vERY early night of sleep beckons me so perhaps i will post one tomorrow !#ilu all !#* ╰  we rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should ❜  ─── ( muse )

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growingabushbaby · 5 years ago

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In the Beginning

For some reason every time I think about the fact that I’m pregnant I recall Bridget Jones in the pharmacy in Austria, trying to order a pregnancy test in her very limited German and resorting to just shouting “MIT BEBE”, and miming a very round tummy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTCKAy3buxo). To be honest, I find myself wanting to do the same, on a fairly regular basis, when there is the slightest chance that someone might fail to notice (there’s no need to mime the tummy, at month 7). This is not because I’m showing off, or because I want extra attention. It’s because I feel the need to explain why I am rather cross a lot of the time, or prone to tears, particularly when you steal my parking space or shove past me in the milk aisle. Or why I am pounding Snickers bars at an alarming rate in my car so as to finish them before I get home to Callum’s disapproving look. Or why I just threw up in my mouth a little from the indigestion that never goes away, and had to frantically swallow so as not to get regurgitated Snickers on you.

Don’t get me wrong – I am so, so excited that I am pregnant. I still can’t believe that we got this lucky. But fucking hell, it’s not easy.

Before I go on, a quick and respectful acknowledgement to the many, MANY women who have it a lot harder than I do. I fall onto a spectrum of pregnancy experiences that cannot even be imagined, it’s so broad. I have been unlucky in some ways, but mostly extremely fortunate in others. The main reason for writing this is so that I have an outlet other than my poor long-suffering husband, and also to give out a few (hopefully useful) heads ups which I wasn’t given before I embarked on this journey.

The Beginning…

Given my history of ovarian cysts and endometriosis, I didn’t think we would get pregnant easily. In fact, I pretty much used that as the bulk of my persuasive arsenal when talking to Callum about trying for a baby. When he agreed, heavily under the influence of Christmas whisky, neither he nor I imagined that it would happen within 3 months. I don’t think he’s quite forgiven me for that…bottom line is, though, it proves that despite the ways in which your body may have ‘failed’ you previously, there really is no hard and fast rule which governs your ability to conceive. I have met so many women with cysts and varying degrees of endometriosis: many of them already think they won’t be able to conceive – or worse, they have been told by their doctors before they’ve even turned 20 that they’d better try ASAP because it’s so unlikely to happen. Yes, these are serious reproductive conditions that may complicate matters in a number of ways. But please don’t give up on your incredible body and its capabilities just yet.

I found out I was pregnant while I was in England, away from Callum. I hadn’t been feeling quite right, and one night I got excruciating cramp in my right calf and after hobbling to the loo I promptly passed out onto the bathroom floor. I was only a couple of days late, but I took the test and it presented me with a very faint line that Mum and I peered at for quite a long time before agreeing to wait a few days and try again. Once that second test confirmed it, all I had to do was wait a bit longer to tell Callum. Then the strange reality of it all began.

In the very early stages, you’re faced with the enormity of what has happened, but you keep it pretty quiet, which is very strange. We told close family, and friends we see on a regular basis (mostly because they would immediately notice I wasn’t drinking). This was ok for a week or two, as it was still only just sinking in for us and it felt quite special to have this little bundle of cells as our wonderful secret. Then, quite suddenly, the little bundle of cells decided things were far too peaceful. To be completely honest, thanks to the body’s amazing ability to block out horrendous symptoms once they’ve passed, I can’t remember when I first started to feel sick. All I knew was, I felt sick…all the time.

“Morning sickness”? I’m calling utter bullshit on that. All-day-and-sometimes-night-sickness is more appropriate, with the occasional moment of blissful reprieve to remind you what normal feels like. I was not vomiting, but I had a terrible upset stomach, which would come on without warning. For a while I really couldn’t leave my bed, and would croak at Callum for plain pasta or toast with marmite if I could stomach it. I had to keep crackers by the side of the bed to shove down my throat when I woke up at 2am overcome by nausea. Callum said it was like sleeping next to a squirrel. I had to leave a birthday party after only 20 minutes because my stomach suddenly turned and I knew I couldn’t face being responsible for turning their one bathroom into a warzone. I once walked into the meat section at the supermarket and had to flee immediately.

The nausea wasn’t actually the thing that hit me hardest. I was prepared for all of that, because everyone had warned me about it. Ok, I didn’t really understand how awful it would be, but it wasn’t a surprise. What got me was the exhaustion, both physical and emotional. On the one hand, I’d zone out mid-conversation, find myself slipping away while sitting at the table, and pass out for hours in the middle of the day. I didn’t have the energy to see anyone, and couldn’t even bring myself to sit around the fire listening to others talking and laughing around me.

On the other hand, I was becoming more and more freaked out by what was happening to my body. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise myself. I didn’t fit into any of my clothes, but had no discernible baby bump yet, so just felt fat and wobbly. Having been fairly flat chested my whole life, my boobs were now growing by the day and it was so excruciating that I had to sleep in a sports bra, and would wake up in agony whenever I rolled over. I didn’t know this body; I didn’t know this person. It completely terrified me. I would cry in the bath, not understanding what was happening and then feel immensely guilty for not being overjoyed by the miracle that was growing inside me. Witnessing me curled in the foetal position, crippled by nausea and blinding headaches, miserable for no apparent reason, Callum would keep saying “it’s all going to be worth it,” and I would reply bleakly, “is it?” in utter desperation. He worried about my diet – I was just eating pasta, bread and crackers with the occasional handful of sweets thrown in every now and then – but I couldn’t face eating anything remotely healthy, and I certainly didn’t feel like cooking.

I HATED being so exhausted and sad. I’d wanted this for so long, had imagined how it would be. It was so far from the blissful picture of glowing skin and radiant happiness that if I hadn’t been feeling so dreadful I would have laughed about my naivety. It took quite a few reminders from kind friends/husband/lady in the queue at Pick and Pay of the following point to shake me out of my self-loathing:

I WAS GROWING A HUMAN BEING.

Despite the fact that it’s all you can think about, it’s very easy to forget this point. I read somewhere that a pregnant woman uses up the same amount of energy just lying down as a fully grown, healthy man would during an intense gym workout. That put things into perspective a bit. I started to pay more attention to my symptoms – when I felt suddenly like I might pass out, I thought “ok, maybe I’m growing a bit of brain right now.” Or when I nearly threw up after a sip of orange juice, I thought “well maybe the baby just doubled in size.” Although I still felt like shit, I also started to feel a teeny tiny bit powerful. It was still terrifying when I caught sight of my ballooning body in the mirror, and it still hurt like hell whenever someone hugged me too tight. But my body was doing this insane new thing, and that was pretty fucking cool.

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clarespace · 6 years ago

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[part 2] and no one can tell me he didn't have to be reassured by eric/the staff repeatedly about bae's clean bill of health. 'you're sure he's ready to go? like, really sure? i can't go through this again.' idk i have a lot of feelings about overly-concerned-boyfriend-dele today!! and re: the lack of SM the past three weeks - the clothing stuff could've been posted by his brother who is also his agent (we know how that works by now, lol) [part 3 coming soon, ha]

concernedboyfriend!dele is my favourite and i completely agree and this is how ipersonally think it went down i am making things up btw bec ihave no idea what goes on in these clubs

‘Isn’t it too soon?’ asked Dele as they were having breakfast. He pointed his spoon at Eric. ‘You’re still recovering.’

Eric shrugged. ‘It’s reconditioning, you know how it goes.’

‘Yeah, for hamstrings and ankles but not for anything like surgery you had.’

‘I’m sure the physios know what they’re doing, Dele,’ said Eric with an amused smile, dropping a kiss on top of Dele’s hair as he passed him on his way to the sink.

‘Don’t push yourself too much, yeah?’ said Dele as they were unbuckling their seatbelts.

‘Yes, Mum,’ said Eric, twisting round to grab the bags in the backseat. No pain at all. He got out of the car and went round the front to open Dele’s door for him.

Dele smiled and then scowled at him. ‘I’m serious, Eric.’

‘So am I. Aren’t you glad we’re training together again?’

‘I am,’ said Dele reluctantly.

‘I’ll be fine, Dele. I am fine or did you forget last night when we - ‘

‘Shh, someone might hear you!’ Dele looked round the car park, giving Eric a light shove on the back. Eric stepped with the movement, laughing, and slung an arm across Dele’s shoulder.

‘You weren’t that concerned about being heard last night!’

‘Dier, shut up!’

‘Come on, move aside,’ said Dele, pushing his way through the well-wishers to stand next to Eric, who gave what he hoped was his last high five of the day. His wrist had begun to hurt. ‘Give the man some space.’

‘Looks like Dele’s got his good mood back,’ said Winks.

‘He was witherin’ away without you, mate,’ said Stones.

Dele scowled. ‘Was not.’

‘Can I see the scar?’ asked Stones, hand going to Eric’s waist.

Eric lifted his shirt up and over his head. There was a chorus of oohs when they saw the incisions, three on Eric’s lower belly, no more than a centimetre long. The stitches had dissolved and the redness and bruising had gone away. Eric caught Dele staring at the scars with more honest distress than he would normally show in public. Eric quickly put on his jersey and tugged it down over his abdomen.

‘No pain anymore?’ asked Sonny, concerned.

‘No, mate, I’m right as rain,’ said Eric and reached down to touch his toes to show them. And Dele.

Harry nodded and patted Eric on the shoulder. ‘Good to have you back in one piece, Eric. Well, minus the appendix.’

‘Should he be doing this so soon?’ Dele asked the physio assigned to Eric once they met up with him. Eric stretched his arms above his head, breathing in the cold air and the smell of grass.

‘Erm, yes, the doctor’s signed off on it and everything,’ said the physio, glancing uncertainly at Dele. Dele could be intimdating when he wanted to be although Eric’s first impulse was still to pinch his cheeks and keep him on his pocket whenever he made that face.

Eric grinned at Dele and nudged Dele’s knee with his foot. ‘Hear that, Delboy? The doctor signed off on it. Now, are you going to let me train in peace?’

‘Eric! Careful!’

‘Eric, your shoelaces, for fuck’s sake!’

‘Eric! It’s time for a break!’

‘Eric!’

‘Eric,’ said Harry, jogging up to him, eyebrows raising high when Eric jerked back to glare at him. ‘What?’

Letting out a long breath, Eric rubbed his forehead. ‘Sorry. It’s nothing.’

‘Dele driving you mad?’ Harry guessed with a knowing grin.

Eric shook his head. ‘That obvious?’

‘Lad’s got a pair of lungs on him and a sixth sense when it comes to you.’

‘Yeah.’ Eric grabbed the towel from the bench and wiped his face with it.

The smile faded from Harry’s face as he placed a hand on Eric’s shoulder. ‘You know he’s only worried about you, right? You should have seen his face when the gaffer told us what had happened to you - poor lad looked ready to cry and you know Dele, he’s not one for that sort of thing.’

Eric knew all too well what Harry meant. He’d been groggy from the anaesthesia to remember the first few hours after his surgery, but Dele’s first nightmare about it was sharply etched into his mind.

‘Still, Dele’s more relaxed now you’re back,’ said Harry, ‘hard as it is to believe with his constant fussing.’

‘You should see him at home,’ said Eric with a chuckle.

‘I can only imagine. Let’s go get lunch, yeah? Before Dele - ah, never mind, here he comes. Consistent, isn’t he?’

‘Oi, Dier, take it easy,’ and it was Dele again, magically appearing by Eric’s side with a water bottle in his hand. Eric was bent at the waist, hands on his knees, panting after a few last laps around the grounds. He straightened up, one hand clamped on his waist, and Dele’s face immediately fell.

‘Is it hurting? Are you alright? Should I call someone?’ he fretted, hands clutching at Eric’s shoulders.

Eric shook his head and grabbed Dele’s arm before he could raise hell. ‘S’fine, just a regular stitch.’

Dele watched him with bright, worried eyes. ‘You sure?’

‘Yeah. Come on, sit with me.’

Dele followed Eric down to the grass, handing over the water bottle. Eric took a deep glug and tossed it between his spread legs. His plucked at the grass and watched the rest of the team train though the intensity had passed as practice came to an end. Sonny and Lucas were passing the ball around and Skipp was doing keepy-uppy.

‘Fuck, I’m out of shape,’ said Eric with a rueful laugh.

‘Nah, mate,’ said Dele automatically, then smiled when he looked Eric up and down. ‘Yeah, alright, maybe slightly, but you’ve been out of it for three weeks.’

‘I hate feeling useless.’

‘You’re not. Well, you are right now, but soon you won’t be.’

‘I like how you defend me and insult me at the same time,’ said Eric, throwing a handful of crushed grass at him.

‘You’re welcome, Diet.’

Eric leant back on his hands and took a deep breath. ‘So, have you got it out of your system yet?’

Dele opened his mouth, looking annoyed, then said nothing. He wiped the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand, pulled at his snood with his fingers. ‘Are you angry?’ he eventually asked, embarrassment making him duck his head low.

Eric shook his head and pressed their shoulders together. ‘It was annoying but I’m not angry with you. I would describe it as fondly exasperated.’

‘I might’ve gone a bit mental. Just a bit, mind you.’

‘Yeah? I’d hate to see you really go for it.’

Dele licked his lips and poked Eric’s foot with his. ‘Can’t blame me, Diet, you’re a danger to yourself and those around you. Someone has to make sure you dont do any more damage to yourself.’

‘And I reckon the responsibility falls to you, does it?’

‘As much as it burdens me, yes.’

‘Surely there’s someone else out there willing to do it, relieve you of this terrible work?’

Dele put his hand over his eyes to shade them and glanced around him. ‘Don’t see a queue forming anytime soon, mate.’

‘Then it’s just you, I suppose. I honestly couldn’t ask for better but tone it down a bit, please?’

Dele snorted and got to his feet, brushing off his ass before holding out a hand to Eric. ‘Up.’

Eric grabbed Dele’s hand and hauled himself up, grabbing the water bottle with his other hand. He refused to acknowledge how leaden his legs felt.

‘Christ, you got heavy.’ Dele squeezed Eric’s hand before he let go, jogging ahead of him. He turned round and shouted, ‘Let’s whip you back into shape, hmm? No more coddling, I promise. This time I’ll work you until you wish you were back in hospital!’

‘Dele,’ Eric called after him with a frown, ‘you don’t have to go that far!’

#deledier #anon #<333 #ficlet #retts

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thranduilland · 6 years ago

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You know, having been on both sides of the ‘skinny/fat’ divide, I can tell you that I liked being judged/assessed/reviewed/etc for being skinny about as much as I enjoy the same for being fat now, that’s to say not at all.

When I was skinny, I was underweight for my age and my height, but my doctors assured my mum this was expected because I was on medication for my ADHD that suppressed my hunger pains and my appetite, so normally unless someone followed me around all day, I wouldn’t remember to eat. I remember being 26kgs for a very long time, and then by the time High School came around I was maybe 30kgs.

During High School, I fell into depression and around the time I was 14 I started refusing to take my medication. As a result, my hunger pains and my appetite surfaced, alongside bored eating, which hadn’t been a problem before then, and suddenly I was eating all the damn time. Even when I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t know how to stop myself.

I remember being shocked one day when someone who had told me for my WHOLE life that I was too skinny, that I needed to put more fat on my bones, that I needed to eat more, suddenly told me that I’d let myself go and that I needed to eat less. I was maybe 16 at the time. Then suddenly everyone who had ever told me that I was too skinny, that I needed to fatten up, suddenly told me I was too fat, and needed to slim down.

My nana used to praise me for being so skinny and athletic, because part of the ADHD was that I had energy to BURN and I burnt it. My nana used to point to me and say to my cousins ‘see, you need to be more like her, she’s skinny and fit’, my cousins used to absolutely hate me for it, which was great seeing as that went on top of them teasing the shit out of me because I was the youngest.

Ever since I’ve gotten ‘fat’, my nana can’t help herself, every time she sees me she comments on the clothes that I wear and asks if I’ve lost any weight yet. Every time. She then wonders why I don’t go and visit her often. Why the only ones who visit her with regularity are her own children, who comment behind her back to each other about how sometimes they wish she’d just shut up, because she goes on about them, too.

My nana talks about my weight even if I’m not in the room. Not even in the same fucking suburb. I know this, because my dad sees her every Sunday, and whenever she mentions me, he makes sure to let me know that she’s pleased I’ve started dieting, or going to the gym, or she’s seen a photo of me online and she’s pleased I’ve slimmed down a bit since she last saw me. He lets me know when she’s been uncomplimentary, too, just because.

But it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows being skinny, either. Every time we went to a family event or a party or some other social gathering, I was never hungry, even if I hadn’t eaten anything that morning. I just wasn’t hungry. But, to please the busy bodies swarming around me, commenting on my slimness, I’d have to force myself to eat. Sometimes, I’d assure them that I really wasn’t hungry after eating a full plate of food, they’d assure me this was ‘nonsense’ and force more food on me, when they did this, I used to throw up and my parents would have to take me home, because I couldn’t stop crying.

I was so skinny that any strong gust of wind could blow me off my feet, my parents used to have to grab the back of my clothing to keep me from blowing away. I struggled to go swimming, because the water was always cold and within moments of getting in, my lips would turn blue and I would start shivering and have to get out, as a result, I still don’t really know how to swim.

It was like this all the way up until I stopped taking my medication and finally started putting on weight. But I didn’t stop at the healthy weight for my age/height, I flew right on past that and up and up and up.

This whole skinny/fat debate, It’s not a competition! One is not better than the other. You face issues no matter which side of the divide you fall on. Maybe society doesn’t take the shit out of you for being skinny, but society still feels entitled to comment on your weight and tell you that you need to eat more, or the moment you start eating more of your own volition, society tells you to be careful, because you don’t want to let yourself go.

I don’t have an eating disorder, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if I did.

#skinny #fat #skinny/fat debate #adhd #please stop debating this shit like either option is the be all and end all #like either side doesn't have its negatives #like either side isn't judged by society #rant #ignore this

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rubydollchaos · 4 years ago

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It's not a new thing either. My mum seems to buy into the far equals bad and unhealthy rhetoric so I do try to counter that whenever I can. I reminded her of the tone she dieted so hard her periods stopped and when she went to the doctor he said she could still stand to lose a little more. And she recalled how her mother had the same doctor, who she visited on several occasions because she was breathless. She had a fairly active job but she wasn't slim so obviously the problem was her weight, so he'd fob her off and send her on. Finally she got seen by a locum cos her doctor wasn't available. He looked at her records, saw that this had been going on for some time and sent her to the hospital for tests. Turned out one of her heart valves wasn't functioning properly. Maybe her weight caused this problem but that doesn't change the fact that there was a problem that needed treating. Medicine shouldn't be about judging people. Even if getting fat is a choice, we don't chide people nearly as much for other choices they make that will affect their health. I wrecked my eyes by reading too much - no one told me maybe I should cut back on the hardbacks a little. Footballers are constantly injured and they don't get tutted at and told that maybe if they tried subbuteo instead once in a while they wouldn't keep clogging up the health service. I don't believe it is a choice though so how about we go around with our twenty twenty hindsight and tell everyone in the hospital how they could have avoided whatever happened to them?

We need to break the cycle of supposedly overweight people not getting the care they need because their diagnosis is Fat and the cure is Salad which leads to them being more likely to die or suffer worse and supporting the idea that their weight is the cause. I had a co-worker who was advised to lose some weight even though he wasn't exactly fat and his job kept him on his feet all day. He took it seriously, cut down on the English breakfasts and lost weight. Then died in his bed at 50 due to an undiagnosed heart defect. His weight made no difference. Don't get me wrong, eating well is important but it shouldn't be something you feel constantly guilty about.

And as a final point can we all just accept that cellulite is normal and happens to anyone? My niece who was a swimmer and a dancer, loved fruit, was fit and energetic and strong had her mum ruefully pointing out the cellulite on the back of her legs when she was probably about ten. Same place as I have it. And I also have it all over my big butt which I hate yet half the women at work are envious of cos they got the boobs not the booty.

I work at a daycare with infants.

One of our baby girls is fat, in the 99th percentile for her age. She is super cute and sweet. Lately, she has been sick with various breathing issues, so she has been reluctant to take her bottles. Normally, she’ll take 4 ounces of formula at lunch and 8 ounces in the afternoon. Today, I was lucky to get to her take 5 all day.

There was a substitute covering a lunch break in my classroom today. We emphasized to her that we need to keep trying to get the baby to drink her bottle until she finished it. She said, “Why are you guys so worried about taking her bottle?”

My coworker replied, “That’s where all her nutrients are. She needs the nutrients and the water.”

To which the substitute replied, “But she’s so fat. She doesn’t need it.”

Thin privilege is a small, pretty baby getting better childcare because the caretaker doesn’t think she’s too fat to be allowed to eat.

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islandpcosjourney · 3 years ago

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Day 24 – Autumn ’21 challenge

10th November 2021

When I read last challenge’s blog, I couldn’t believe I was looking up day 24! How did that creep up on me? Only 4 days to go, wow. Who’d have thought it would be so easy. I’m home really late tonight and I’m not keen on night-time winter driving in the Outer Hebrides. Deer everywhere, mist, wind, rain, yuk. I’ll try to keep this short as it’s getting even later.

Having remembered that last challenge I was writing about helping my mum; well, that didn’t work as planned. She would have the ginger shots in the morning and helpings of my juices, but she wasn’t feeling much of a difference and wasn’t necessarily remembering to drink them. What works for me doesn’t necessarily work for someone else, but this is what this writing is about – awareness, because it might help someone.

Speaking of helping, when I decided to embark on this for a 2nd time, I put a status up on a FB juicing page, asking if anyone else would be starting around the same time as me and if they’d like a buddy. A local friend and a stranger replied, and I created a messenger group for us to converse in. It’s provided me with another platform to speak to “real” people in “real” time rather than hypothetical people reading this blog and replying later perhaps, not that I don’t appreciate everyone who does! I hopefully provide them with encouragement, and they give me encouragement back. We got to talking about Before and After pics today. I’m not so keen on Day 1 vs Day 29 pictures, simply because I did something close to that on the last challenge and I couldn’t see much of a difference, which was a bit of a let-down considering I’d dropped 18lbs on the scales. However, as I’ve told you this time around, I then noticed my clothes getting looser and looser in the months after the challenge, yet the scales weren’t changing. That proves to me about visceral fat versus subcutaneous fat which I talked about on Day 20. Visceral fat comes off first, easily, but it’s internal, around your organs so you don’t see that fat melting away. Subcutaneous fat is the fat just under your skin and the fat which creates your shape. This fat is much harder to burn off and comes off last. So, when I see Before and After shots on any site/groups showing a major change in a month, I do question it because I know first-hand that my fat takes longer to melt away, so others must be similar to me?!

I shared many pictures on the chat and they did offer a fresh pair of eyes, confirming that there were changes but still nothing major like you see on weight-loss websites or in Facebook groups where they claim to lose 2 dress sizes in a matter of weeks etc. Like I said, I’m always dubious about fad diets and quickie weight-loss stories to reel you in. I know I’ve been losing a pound a day on this challenge, but it is in no way a long-term plan. I DO NOT want to continue losing my weight in such a fast way. It isn’t healthy to do it so quick. For one, my bank balance couldn’t keep up with my ever-changing shape, needing new clothes. Another point is that it takes time to get used to new body shapes. I still look in the mirror sometimes and see the fat person that I was rather than the shape I now am. Perception versus reality just takes time to sync up and throughout this journey in the last 15 months I have had months where I’m totally unhappy with how I look, despite me knowing in my head that I’m several stone lighter and then months where I’m ecstatic, so I know from experience that it doesn’t sync up and it’s very frustrating!

What’s more frustrating is the lack of support from doctors & dieticians. If you google juicing, it’ll tell you that it’s unhealthy and dangerous but that’s not coming from specialist juicing nutritionists who knows all the ins & outs of it all. Of course, a dietician is going to hear “juice” and tell you it’s unhealthy – that’s what they’ve been taught. Fresh juice is a very different ballgame from bought juices, which are lacking in nutrients due to them being boiled alive; so nutritionally it’s full of sugar and a dietician’s nightmare. Fresh juice is nothing like that and especially cold pressed ones as you retain all of the soluble fibre and nutrients with it being raw and fresh and the natural sugar is being used correctly by the body when you also feed it with all of the relevant vitamins and minerals to absorb and use the sugar effectively. A juicy friend is being made to feel deflated by one such dietician who has told them not to juice, or certainly not to have juice-only phases such as this challenge. Of course, a long-term diet is a balanced one but when someone is trying to do something to help their health and juicing makes them feel better, giving them their life back, I really don’t like hearing that they’re not getting supported with it. It’s a standard theoretical misconception and from someone who didn’t even bother to read the medical history of this person – very poor indeed.

Juicing fresh fruits & vegetables has given me my life back in a way I could never have imagined:

I was told by a consultant endocrinologist that I’d never be able to lose weight, so don’t bother. I wish I could show him my stats now!

I was told by a consultant gynaecologist that I would need medication to induce menstrual cycles each month in order to protect my uterus from cancer. Funny how the right nutrition allowed my cycles to spontaneously start naturally again and provide me with that protection.

I was told by the same doctor that I’d never ovulate on my own, without medication or laparoscopic surgery. I will have great delight in seeing her again to inform her of my good news, defying the odds!

Another endocrinologist told me many years ago that the only way to control my excess hair was to take medication to reduce my testosterone levels. Well, I appear to have done that on my own through drinking 2 cups of spearmint tea a day and through juicing and I am noticing even more significant results on my facial hair growing back even slower this time around.

And then, although I know all of this from my own experience, tonight I notice an ex-colleague’s FB post stating:

“HEALTH is not injected: it is eating fruit and veg, protein, fat, staying active and bathing in sunlight”

Yessssss totally agree! There are other people out there who share my opinions and passion for getting the message out there. I know people are blindly accepting medications from their doctors for ailments they can’t control. I know this because I was one. However, somehow, I got away from their grips and sorted myself out before it was too late. Far too many are unfortunately too far into the prescription game to realise. You just have to watch Jason’s Super Juice Me! documentary on YouTube to see the many participants who are also reliant on meds but find a way out of many of their problems after just the month they spend at his Juicy Oasis. It’s certainly worth a watch if you haven’t already seen it – very enlightening! Also today on social media, I saw the following screen shot which shares the same sentiments and frustrations as me. I love how subject matters just fall into my hands and fit together like a glove.

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oreopata · 7 years ago

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Post-23rd Birthday Post!

Thank you all so, so much for the kind Birthday messages yesterday! :D Especially to my good friends @sibera-the-wanderer, @ecmcookiez, @rationalnonsense, @strangehyperbole & @vannjaren. I really appreciate every single one of them, thank you for making me smile.Sorry I couldn't get back to you all sooner. Yesterday was a lot busier than I anticipated. I was mostly expecting a quiet day for myself, but I ended up moving about all over the show.

First was attending the weekly art class. What better way to spend my birthday then to get some drawing done? I was already full on inspiration and drive because of the Dolan Kart art competition I’m hoping to enter. Today, Trish was giving a demonstration on lighting effects, such as run rays, dappled light and how their interact with their environments and perspective. `While I have dipped my toes in these kinds of things before, digitally. I was still eager to try it out traditionally. While the demonstrations were done in watercolour and acrylic, I only had black and white India ink with me yesterday. I wasn’t deterred, since one of my favourite online art teachers, Istebrak, always says that you should master greyscale before moving onto colours. While I did manage to use some masking tape in my A3 sketchpad to block out some test squares and fill in a greyscale background tone as a first layer, it pretty much took the entire lesson to dry. So I was left with plenty of free time to think over a lot of other projects I have in mind and rough out some other pictures.

Upon telling my classmates it was my birthday, they just HAD to make it more known by singing happy birthday in front of everyone! (despite me begging them not to) XD Served me right for mentioning it out loud, plus I think they mentioned something about being sick with envy at me youth (Since I’m the youngest person there by decades, not that I mind. Even as a kid, I got along better with adults than people my own age). But it was still funny. Everyone was so nice.

After class, I waited for my shopping to arrive, got myself a packet of mini red-velvet cupcakes to have instead of a birthday cake. Planning to have two of them with a side of Ben & Jerry’s Birthday cake Ice cream and celebrate. ’Even got to give a few to my neighbour and my parents.

At 4 O’clock, I made my way to visit my mum dad for a couple hours. I thought I knew what I was expecting as I strolled to my destination under the lovely (small bit of) sunshine we had that day. But mum had arranged a little surprise… As I turn the corner, who do I see other than my mum, my sister in law, Christine; and my nephew, Theo! YAY!!!!

‘Turns out mum felt bad that she couldn’t do anything for birthday this year. Given that we are both busy, she’s recovering from an operation etc. So she invited them both over. I’d already not seen them for weeks, so this was the best possible surprise. Having fun with the little man and having him request more pictures for me to draw. He gave me a quite the challenge in the form of a “Humpty Dumpty Dinosaur”. But, anything at all for my little bear cub - since he loves my drawings so much. Even making his way over the the couch I was sitting on to watch and draw with me.

So much happened for me to describe and remember it all, but along with him singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, him pretending to be a doctor and fixing my mum, dressing as a king (or queen as he declared himself over and over. And by God if my nephew wants to proudly declare himself the queen than he’s gonna be the best bloody queen!) and having fun hiding pens in my hair.

I received such wonderful gifts as well, a nice bottle of white wine from mum and dad. And from Theo & the family; A box of Cadbury heroes, and a beautiful hand-made scented candle. Christine has a real talent for hand-making things such as this. The china teacup and saucer are this gorgeous light green colour with gold accents. I soon worked out the perfect place to put it; Something about it reminded me a lot of my gran, so now it sits pride and place on the little alter I have in her memory (located inside my office).

Once I was back home, I got a call from my neighbour, whom I just adore. He said,

“Hey pretty girl, fancy coming over?”

I know I was made-up for the day with my usual signature hairstyle, eyeliner and red lipstick, but I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! ME?! PRETTY?! FROM HIM!?! As I got my arse next door, I saw a trail of red carnation flowers leading from the front steps into his house!

As if the flowers weren’t enough, he’d actually gone out and bought me a bottle of Baileys, a chocolate cake and a new sketchbook! Even though I’d had already seen him earlier that day in order to give him a cupcake and give him some Kitchen rolls I got for him along with my online shopping, as requested. But he did say he’d see me later that night. My close friends will know about him already and know that few days go by where I’m not so fucking happy that I know this man. He’s still one of the best things to happen in my life since my Gran’s death.

As is usual with us, we sat, drank and had deep and meaningful conversations until the sun went down. I didn't get back to my house to order have a bath and order a takeaway. Not that I minded, I knew I wanted this day to be long and to enjoy it to the fullest. I’m so happy I got to spend it with my favourite people and still have time to chill in my own house.

Once I was back home, it was time to dress down, get the slap off my face, and hop in the bath. I haven't been able to take a bath in ages due to the tiles falling off on top of me and had to use my shower (despite it leaking buckets into the kitchen below). Thank God I’d recently had some men in to FINALLY get it fixed - long story. Once I had my soak, I applied a mud mask, slipped into something more comfortable and treat myself to a takeaway. At first, I was going to get myself a burger or chicken kebab, but I opted for a Chinese. Since, I can make the leftovers last me a few days and spare myself the extra time to cook something. Then I could end the night with the before mentioned Red velvet and Ice Cream. Combine those with the confectionaries I’ve been given, and I’m defiantly not going to be starving - even if my diet is temporarily fucked.

I had a great time eating, drinking, wrapped up in my lion throw-blanket and watching some good telly: from watching Mock the Week to marathoning youtube videos until 2:00am. Not bad, considering I woke up at 5:00am that day. So, I’ve been taken today nice and slow.

I‘ll admit, in the upcoming days leading up to my birthday, I’ve been mostly feeling upset about it. Mainly because I’ve been thinking about how I’ll be 23 and I was just feeling like I’d achieved nothing of value in my life yet. I feel like I should have a regular job and have achieved more by now. I’ve just had setback after setback that have just caused be to delay my plans. I was hoping to be open for business and be taking commissions months ago. And the time I’ve been dedicating towards setting up my art business has taken time away from writing my graphic novel. My friends will know of all the other stresses and heartaches I’ve been having recently too.

But despite that all that, I couldn't help but wonder in my mind maybe things would now be different with my new age? While every bit of progress I’ve made has felt like drops in a bucket, I’ve recently made some small victories. I’ve been looking into different methods of packaging prints for shipping, I’ve come closer to working out my businesses aesthetics, my art itself has greatly improved - as has my work ethic.

During yesterday’s class, I found out that we will be having ourselves a private exhibition on the 10th of May. For months I’ve been panicking about being open for business before then so I could have business cards available. Only now do I know that it will be a exhibition just for us. It’s different from the annual public exhibition they usually have (having known about the class from last year’s) so WOO HOO!! I HAVE MORE TIME!!!

The exhibition is on the 10th of May, the day before the deadline for the Dolan art competition. So from now until then, I am going to be in for a very busy fortnight. So I am gonna be dead to the world, but very productive. Still, I’ll do my best to keep you all updated! :)

MY FACEBOOK | MY DEVIANT-ART | MY YOUTUBE

#vent #my birthday #2018 #26th April #23 years old #thank you!#presents #gifts

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