#and yes still perfectly capable of loving the show and its characters in spite of this garbage

[wordsandrobots]

'Real' robot? No thanks

I shan't be wasting time hang-wringing over the idea of a Gundam show from the point of view of the setting's antagonists. This is a well-worn and perfectly legitimate approach, and in any case, Mobile Suit Gundam (1979) goes out of its way to emphasise the humanity of the Principality of Zeon's soldiers. There are scouts who bend their orders to aid to civilians, wannabe special-forces who take the time to gawk at the teen prodigy who thwarted their attempt to blow up the Gundam, pilots who jump ship rather than go down with their mobile suits, and injured grunts who cling to family pictures while bleeding out in the desert. Even the actual *villains* of Gundam 79 – the Zabi family and their hangers-on – are generally presented as functioning people with loves and motivations beyond conquest. Only Gihren is utterly without morals. You know, the guy who took being compared to Hitler as a compliment? Garma, Degwin, Dozle, and even Kycilia all have moments of humanity, in spite of their reprehensible actions.

So yes, of course there are people fighting for Zeon because it's their job, because they believe the promise of spacenoid independence, because they buy into newtype theory, or simply because circumstances force them to. That's the kind of story Gundam is: the tragedy of people enduring a war driven by forces above their heads and beyond their control, who are just trying to make it home alive. If you don't get that, or that the Federation is squarely in the position of 'lesser evil but still a callous nation state doing dubious things to secure victory' from episode one, I don't know what to tell you. You've missed the point. I'm sorry, you just have.

There is nothing wrong with the premise 'wouldn't fighting against the Gundam be like living in a horror movie?' Indeed, I will go further: that is a good premise for a story.

But Netflix's Mobile Suit Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance is not a good story. It is, at best, a serviceable one, trotting from A to B with enough narrative cohesion and character beats to string the set-pieces together. By and large it manages an inoffensive momentum, unfolding a predictable sequence of events with reasonable competency. If I was not hugely entertained, I was not especially put off, either. They even remembered to turn on the contrast for the nighttime battles.

The biggest innovation displayed here is that this production was rendered in Unreal Engine as full CGI, eschewing Gundam's conventional animation style. In my view, that's also the key to its biggest problems. Let's take a quick spoiler break and I'll try to unpack what I mean.

I guess go watch the show before proceeding?

OK, so, there was a point in the middle of Requiem for Vengeance when I found myself questioning the physics of beam sabers. I'd never thought before about why what is essentially a burning stream of energy can be blocked by a bit of metal with a super-heated edge, or indeed by another such stream, because within the animation style usually used to depict such things, they are clearly physical in their interaction with the world. As solid as lightsabers and therefore as capable of acting like real swords.

But Requiem makes the decision to depict the Gundam's saber as, essentially, the jet from a blowtorch. Because that's what this *is*, isn't it? A narrow fountain of plasma? So it looks like fire, you can see the Zaku's heat-hawk through the Gundam's blade, and suddenly I'm wondering – how does that work? Why does the axe stop it instead of passing through? How does this obviously non-physical blade react as if it were a physical object?

There are any number of technobabble reasons you might give for how this works. Forcefields! It's probably forcefields. But what struck me was the beat of 'huh' I experienced, where I asked something I'd never previously *needed* to, even though it always existed as a legitimate question of the sci-fi mumbo-jumbo being deployed, and how that was a direct result of stylistic choices made when the Gundam was reinterpreted through the lens of CGI 'realism'.

Ah, yes. Realism. That elusive quality chased by film-makers and game-developers the world over. Or, specifically chased by a lot of big, mainstream studios who've decided it is vitally important the supernatural and the superscientific be placed within what is recognisably the real world.

In terms of such codifying modern works as 2008's Iron Man, this is primarily about papering over the stitching between what is filmed using actors and what is painted in later. In theory, something rendered entirely by computer does not have to worry about this. However, as many a 'triple-A' computer game has proven, the aspiration towards photographic quality remain. Characters and objects are honed so as to mimic the appearance and texture of real people and objects, with greater verisimilitude to life being a near-universally unquestioned goal.

I won't argue this doesn't have merit as a technical exercise. The results can be impressive. What I will say is: realism is worthless if it removes interest, and useless if it sacrifices coherence. The beam saber example is an instance of what I mean by the latter. Within Gundam 79, we apprehend immediately that the saber and the heat-hawk are of a kind, possessing an energised glow that is nevertheless opaque and physical. Within Requiem's portrayal, however, they no longer adhere to a visual language in which their interaction make sense. You cannot block an axe with a blowtorch flame. A minor illustration, yes, but it captures the tension created by transposing such elements into a more 'realistic' style.

Another may be found in the treatment of Zeon's various military vehicles. These are a bizarre selection of sci-fi objet d'art, from the aerodynamically questionable Dopp fighter jets to Magella tanks that can launch their turrets into open flight. They are strikingly weird designs that make little sense yet function perfectly inside their context. Where another, earlier anime would have had them belong to an alien species, Gundam is the show that pioneered 'what if the bad guys were human too' for the mecha genre, so they merely represent a design logic alien to the Earth Federation, which favours bold, blocky shapes more closely based on extant military hardware.

In Requiem, the Zeonic weirdness is deliberately muted. The Dopps are streamlined, literally flattened into a more traditional jet fighter profile. One Magella does attempt to launch its turret only to be blown apart before it can rise more than a couple of feet. Otherwise, they're just treated as ordinary tanks. And it's easy to see what the artists were doing here: "let's take these weird 70s designs and make them look like real tanks/jets." The result, unfortunately, is a dilution of the clear distinction between Zeon and Federation tech.

If you've watching the original Gundam and its sequels, you'll know how easy it is to tell at a glance which side something belongs to. Looking at them in stills, it is still reasonably clear these are meant to be Zeon vehicles. But in motion, it often took me a good few seconds to be sure I wasn't seeing their Federation equivalents. Visual interest doesn't exist purely for its own sake, after all; it serves to clarify the action. Plus, it seems to me that trying to downplay the wilder aspects of these designs actually draws attention towards those aspects. The Zeonic alienness has its own explanatory power; reducing it raises more questions, not fewer.

Lest you think me some terrible killjoy who doesn't like fun, I'm actually incredibly sympathetic to 'realistic' overhauls of classic designs. Have you seen what I spent years doing for the Daleks? Aesthetic overhauls aren't something I object to, nor do I think 'realism' as practised by the MCU and triple-A game developers is intrinsically a waste of time. What I am trying to demonstrate is Requiem's relation to its source material. It posits a story taking place exactly contemporaneously with episode 25 of Gundam 79, portraying the Battle of Odessa, the great Federation push-back that ejects Zeon forces from Earth. This is what was happening 'just off screen', depicted in a style actively at odds with that of the original

But not entirely at odds with it. Which brings us to another problem: an unwillingness to commit fully to the new style.

The big twist in Requiem episode 4 is that after being chased down by the Gundam and just barely managing to drive it off, Captain Iria Solari of the Red Wolf mobile suit squadron is recruited to go capture an example of the Federation's new mass-produced GM 'suit, so Zeon can identify its weaknesses. The hunted get to become the hunter, infiltrating a Federation base and attempting to hijack a couple of GMs, only for the Gundam to scupper things. All well and good. Not a bad swerve. Enables some useful developments.

Except this plan is delivered into the plot by a Zeon major general who appears to have stepped in from a different production entirely. Specifically, from Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team, because this is none other than Major General Yuri Kellerne, he of the Wolverine haircut and unfortunate disagreements with certain scientific officers (that is, it is unfortunate he should have disagreed with a man possessing so few qualms about massacring his own side).

It is truly surreal to have a character who looks like he actually belongs in a Gundam show enter the scene. I was quite impressed prior to this with the depiction of another character, Major Ronet, who captures the essence of a villain-of-the-week Zeon officer using Requiem's style. He looks entirely of a piece with the rest, while still being recognisably a certain type of character.

Kellerne though? For fuck's sake, he's got a full-blown anime bouffant. Juxtaposed with Solari's achingly realistic design, it's just – bad. This is bad. It's a stylistic clash that makes it impossible to take these scenes seriously. Not because either style is problematic on its own, but because they cannot work together.

It's worth pausing to consider Kellerne's native entry in the franchise, because 08th MS represents an older trend of revisiting the original setting. Starting with Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket, this saw the release of OVAs with a superior quality of animation and a more ground-level take on events of the Zeon/Federation war. In many respects, Requiem is positioned as the successor to these series, as Kellerne's cameo makes overt.

The thing is, War in the Pocket, Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory and 08th MS are all animes. Yes, they render the action with greater fidelity than Gundam 79. But they don't restyle it the way Requiem attempts to. The Dopp fighter is a great example of this. Compare the 08th MS version to the original and you will see that it merely adds extra layers of detail. It doesn't make it make more sense. Likewise for the character models. They look better than Gundam 79, by certain metrics. They still follow conventional anime aesthetics. You can't drop a design from this line of shows straight into a 'realistic' depiction and expect that to work.

Why does any of this matter? None of these issues exceed the threshold of nit-picking. OK, they're mildly distracting, but is there really a huge problem here?

Well, first, there is a philosophical underpinning to the drive for 'realism' we ought to grapple with, namely the idea only live-action and live-action-alike 'count'. I confess to having little time for this line of thought: the stylistic 'realism' discussed up to now matters far less than emotional or experiential realism. That is to say, whether something presents itself using stick-figures or a hyper-photographic style is not as important as whether it can convey the stakes, pathos, and other meat of a story. Art presents a plethora of options for communicating a message. Deciding one is intrinsically more valuable than the rest is a woefully narrow view of creativity. Traditional, non-realistic animation can be as emotionally arresting as any live performance. Why, therefore, should it be necessary to adapt it into a life-like style?

Second, there is the incomplete commitment to 'realism' that plagues Requiem and, I would argue, the entire concept of approaching works such as Gundam in this manner. Sure, stylistic 'realism' isn't about being strictly 'realistic'. It's about achieving a specific texture to the unreality that is functionally indistinguishable from that of the real elements. Yet doesn't the inclusion of a 17.5m-tall humanoid robot suits automatically grant you a get-out-of-realism-free card? If you have something that wild in play, why go to the effort of making it look like a real-world object? And if you're going to arbitrarily throw out the pretence for the sake of gratuitous continuity, what's the point of trying to begin with?

This circles close to what Requiem is, materially. If I use the phrase 'official fan-fiction', I hope you'll understand that's not necessarily derogatory. What I mean is something primarily homaging and reflecting a pre-existing work, rather than more straightforwardly building off it. 'Fan-fic' because it is bounded by what is already there; 'official' because it has the backing of corporate ownership and thus is positioned as more than merely people playing with the toys they enjoy. It's a category of derivative works into which I'd put previous projects such as Gundam Unicorn's animated adaptation – ring-fenced by an established canon, whatever their individual merits.

General Kellerne's stylistically disruptive presence is one example of the short-comings of such an approach. His design looks that way out of deference to 08th MS Team, whether or not it fits next to the other visuals (a side-effect of trying to cram him into Requiem's style is that he appears off-model anyway!).

Another is the plot. We might grant that doing Gundam-by-the-numbers is a self-contained introduction to the series' themes for a novice, but there isn't anything here those of us who've watched the anime(s) haven't seen a dozen times over. Even Solari's pocket-watch feels borrowed from 08th MS.

Now, credit where it's due: Requiem does not downplay the newtype angle. The psychic powers built up to over the course of Gundam 79 and made central to its sequels are usually the first thing ejected when the franchise tries to be more 'serious' and 'gritty'. It was a pleasant surprise to see them embraced. Solari is explicitly a newtype, with all the corresponding traits (supernaturally good pilot, able to sense threats, experiences predictive flashes etc). This is neatly used to establish some of the philosophy behind Zeon's cause, since most of our characters are already aware of newtype theory (humans moving to space tap into skills not previously needed) by dint of being on the side that uses this as justification for invading the Earth.

As in the source material, newtypes serve as a metaphor for the potential of each new generation. Solari was a talented violinist before the war, able to play near-impossible melodies, and this ability has been conscripted in much the same way OG protagonist Amuro Ray's mechanical genius was turned to murder. Equally, the central tragedy in Requiem resolves into newtype-on-newtype violence, as the pilot of the Gundam relentlessly hunting the Zeon soldiers is revealed to be a frightened teenager, paralleling both Solari's son, to whom she is fighting to return, and Solari herself, as someone struggling for their life in a war-zone.

I watching this straight after binging the original Gundam series (I'd previously seen the more refined compilation movies) and was struck there by how brief Amuro's interaction with fellow newtype Lalah Sune is prior to inadvertently killing her in battle. Then I remembered that's the point. These are two people sharing an identical potential for transforming the world, made opponents by circumstance, who understand one another immediately and intimately in the exact instant it is too late to matter. Amuro's cry that he has done something awful he cannot take back is not overlooking the other deaths he's responsible for; rather it is admitting the unique horror of lost possibility.

Following an encounter on the Federation base, Solari recognises the boy pursuing her is equally scared and out of his depth and thus attempts to talk him down. She even succeeds, reaching substitute!Amuro (hey look another traumatised child soldier who executes wild violence in a berserker-like fashion using a hyper-advanced military prototype; what are the odds?) and evoking his sympathy with her status as a mother (characterisation I'd be more annoyed by if Solari wasn't presented functionally identical to the trope of a father desiring to return to his family).

Then, immediately after saving Solari from being crushed by falling spaceship debris, substitute!Amuro is fatally stabbed in the back by another Zeon soldier.

Here we reach the crux of my dislike for Requiem. It has already muddied the clean Federation/Zeon divide and Gundam's internal physics in service of its chosen style, then compromised that style anyway in the name of slavishness to canonicity. Now, during what is position as the emotional climax, it openly rejects the visual language of newtypes.

Solari's powers are portrayed using vocally-stated unease and emotional connection to other individuals (as is standard), and a pair of dream sequences – one prophetic with respect to the Gundam pilot, another tying into newtypes' ability to draw in the souls of those who die around them. Performing at a darkened opera house, Solari's red dress slowly washes outwards, becoming a bloody wave as the audience is revealed to consist of the dead Zeon soldiers she failed to save. It's an arresting visual, as is the fiery descent into her own pocket watch (a souvenir from her dead husband, who was also conscripted into the war) that marks the earlier dream. We also see a brief shot of the Gundam staring straight back at her as she senses its presence on a distant battlefield. These are all effectively done and I genuinely enjoyed them.

Crucially, however, Requiem does not deploy the kind of over-layering that Gundam 79, Zeta Gundam, ZZ Gundam and the other follow-ups use to show the deep connections developed by newtypes. In the animes, in addition to visions and flashes of awareness, we have full-on mind-to-mind communication where people converse across voids of colour and light. Newtypes appear in ghostly form, too, interacting with the living during and after their deaths. There are also the obligatory glowing auras, cuing the viewer into supernatural happenings.

Requiem's 'realistic' style seemingly does not permit such things to occur in the waking world. That is to say, there is no reason you couldn't depict the standard newtype visuals in CGI, but this show opts not to. If I were to hazard a guess, given the restriction of overt psychedelia to dream sequences and what they did to the Zenoic designs, I would say the aritsts thought it would look silly.

The problem is, how do you then portray newtype connections? In the scene where Solari convinces substitute!Amuro to stop, we get a couple of cutaways to the kid in his cockpit, superposing with his Gundam's movements. That is a great decision, since the point of the newtype visuals is the characters looking past the armour and understanding the person within (not always a good thing, since antagonism can exist despite the link, but the central conceit is always to grasp the essence of somebody else). In these brief moments, we see, as Solari does, the human being, not the mechanical monster.

But the boy's subsequent death is just… the Gundam gets stabbed and keels over, and Solari is grief-stricken. That's it. No manifested ghost, psychic trauma conveyed by voice lines alone, a total absence in this crucial, heart-rending instant of substitute!Amuro's humanity. Just the destruction of property. The death of the monster, not the scared child.

If there had been one additional cutaway to the boy in the cockpit, I think this could have worked. A single shot of him looking at Solari in the second before being stabbed in the back. Something, anything, to imply the connection crucial to this scene. I am honestly baffled as to why it's not there. I feel I'm looking at a picture where a couple of critical numbers weren't coloured in.

To be clear, I don't personally care for the newtype concept as executed in the 'Universal Century' Gundam shows. I'm not annoyed by this because I'm wedded to the idea or the visual conceits. I'm annoyed by the incompetence of failing to land an obvious, even required emotional beat. The finale of Requiem for Vengeance is built around Solari confronting substitute!Amuro. She risks her chance to join the Zeon retreat from Earth – and thus of reuniting with her son – to help take down Federation forces endangering the departing space capsules. She then compounds this by attempting to convince the Gundam pilot to let everyone go, and ultimately abandons any possibility of returning home out of grief over his death. This is a life-changing encounter for her, as is normal for newtypes pushed into fighting each other.

In my opinion, the show does not sell that anywhere near as well as it could have. Further, it betrays the very concept of the newtype connection by leaving substitute!Amuro to be represented by his Gundam rather than his actual self in his final moments. There are cases where other newtypes meet such abrupt ends. Quess' death in Char's Counterattack springs immediately to mind. But that is a moment of a profound lack of communication, which is not what's happening here.

Animes such as the original Gundam shows can move seamlessly between high technology and visual metaphors for empathy without underselling either one. That they are not attempting to look 'real' provides the advantage of absolute coherence. Beam sabers, flying tanks, psychic powers – there are no joins to airbrush away. Everything is unreal, so everything fits together. A switch in medium and style creates the challenge of reinterpreting those disparate elements so they remain coherent. Ultimately, while Requiem for Vengeance has a good try at pulling everything across, it fails, not just at creating 'realism', but at capturing the conceptual depth of what it is assaying.

Being official fan-fic of the Battle of Odessa – being, essentially, 'the Gundam story' in miniature – invites unfavourable comparison with the original work. Unshackled from that, I suspect it could have done more to establish its own visuals, remove incongruities and find better means of conveying its emotional core. As it stands, I have to wonder if there's any sound argument for live-action-alike Gundam. Even the dream sequences don't provide something unique to this style. You could do the same in traditional animation and trivially push it further. So what, precisely, is gained by telling this story this way?

That's the question Requiem for Vengeance has left me pondering. And hey, if you want to answer with 'but it looks cool', fair enough. I'm writing way too much about my personal gripes with a perfectly passable piece of gratuitous mecha porn, simply because I found a more interesting complaint to make than “why the fuck didn't they hire somebody who knew how do facial animations?”

As for Captain Solari, she closing-monologues herself to Africa to join a Zeon remnant group and fight to give children a future without war. Never quite been sure how mecha pilots in these things envision that working, if I'm honest. Oh, and, uh, I guess nobody tell her that if she survives the next seventeen years, there's a decent chance she's going on a suicide run against the Federation spearheaded by a traumatised teenager strapped into a murder machine.

That might put a slight damper on what Netflix's music captions assure me is a heroic ending.

[A note to check you read all the way to the end: obviously the screenshot from Cucuruz Doan's Island shows CGI mobile suit models. But that's CGI aping traditional anime, rather than an attempt at realism. This is why I've been careful to talk about style, not medium.]

[dwellordream]

thoughts on HOTD, episode 6, season 2 (spoilers below)

Some people are not a fan of Aemond's acting in this episode but I think it's perfectly on point. Even the stupid anime villain voice. That's what he is. Aemond is three kids in a trenchcoat playacting at what he thinks power and intimidation. He's only genuinely frightening when he is at his most pathetic and ashamed, because that is what compels him to do depraved things- the thought of being mocked or pitied.

Aemond releases Alicent from the Small Council, IMO, not because he genuinely thinks her incompetent, but because, aside from his general misogyny, he sees his mother as a woman who pities him, and while he craves her affection, he can't stand being reduced to a sniveling little boy in her eyes again.

I truly DNGAF about the 'Aeriana Targaryen' shit. They had to show Rhaenyra actually trying to come up with a reasonable cover for why Rhaenyra would encourage others to try to claim dragons without her throwing the concept of Valyrian supremacy out the window. Yes, the writers could have just decided to randomly make, say, Viserra or Gael Targaryen have wed a Darklyn, but I'm not really bothered that they didn't. Rhaena the Black Bride's daughter Aeriana by Maegor. Sure.

The writers seem to be trying to walk a thin line between Alys manipulating Daemon for kicks by preying on his insecurities regarding who 'deserves' the Iron Throne in his family, but the suggestion that Viserys 'never sought the throne' is wild. He put himself forward as a contender for the Great Council! I genuinely can't tell if we're meant to believe Alys truly thinks Rhaenyra could be a better ruler than Aegon, or if this is all supposed to be taken as her playing mind games with Daemon sheerly out of spite.

The foreshadowing that Rhaena will claim Sheepstealer, rather than Nettles, seems pretty strong at this point. I get the writers' desire to have Rhaena claim a dragon in a more active and assertive manner than simply patiently waiting for an egg to hatch for her, especially since Morning in-canon was not at all capable of being flown to war during the Dance. However, I wish we could see both Rhaena and Nettles tame dragons here, rather than one Black female character (in a show that already has a problem with shoving its Black characters to the sidelines) simply taking over another's storyline. It is possible they will still include Nettles, and have her claim a different dragon instead, but I'm losing hope.

Gwayne is a snotty racist asshole, obviously, but I commend the show for displaying that he does genuinely love Alicent and Daeron, who he seems to view as akin to his own son. It's surprising that he specifically praises Daeron's kindness, and seems to view it as a strength of his nephew's, rather than a weakness. In the grand scheme of HoTD men, Gwayne is probably one of the better ones, at least in terms of how he treats his family.

I thought the smallfolk riot scene was well-done. Alicent and Helaena are clearly not the ones responsible for the food shortage- Alicent has been booted off the Small Council and Helaena has no real political power herself. Yet they- and most noblewomen in the series- will always be blamed more viciously than any of their husbands or sons for the suffering. It's also good to see the foreshadowing of a more ruthless side of Hugh- while he is motivated by love for his family, he will do anything in order to protect them, including stealing food from other starving peasants.

Seasmoke chasing Addam Velaryon down like an over-eager puppy was pretty entertaining. Whether or not this implies Laenor is actually dead, I have no idea.

It's interesting that they have Mysaria confide about her own incestual abuse- her clearly viewing her father as a predator who horribly violated her- compared to Rhaenyra, who while openly critical of Daemon's behavior as a husband, and who does acknowledge that Daemon took advantage of her as a teenager- doesn't seem to see him as a monster. I don't really feel any type of way about Rhaenyra/Mysaria- obviously I do think Rhaenyra is bisexual, given everything about her and Alicent- but I don't think Mysaria has been used that well as a character by the show, and I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be a one-off moment of passion, or if they will actually have her and Mysaria in an illicit relationship moving forward.

Overall, I think this was one of the weaker episodes this season. It felt like a lot of wheel spinning because the writers were unsure of how to build up to the end of the season. Probably a 6.5 out of 10 for me.

[burr-ell]

its been what? two years? and ppl still have the most bad faith cynicism towards Claude and Byleth's S-support/paired ending🤦‍♀️

like my only actual criticism towards Claude's S-support is the same one i have for Rhea's which is that there's some critical information that should've been presented to Byleth/the Player regardless of S-support. in Rhea's case she expresses regret over revising history and deceiving her followers, as well as trying to revive her mother. imo this part of the conversation should've happened in game no matter what. the writing already puts Rhea in a bad light by making her suspicious and then not dedicating the same amount of time in dispelling all that like they do with Claude(and unlike Claude, she doesn't have other Supports and is benched until the very end of SS/VW/doesn't even show up again in AM). and considering how easy it is to just. miss her Support convos entirely as well as her S-support being completely optional, she isn't really being endeared to the players like she deserved. in Claude's case, there are three conversations happening in one for the player:

Byleth is going to be made the Ruler of Fodlan (note that Byleth already seems to know that she's gonna be Queen)

Claude is leaving Fodlan he must go his people need him-

Claude wants to spend his life with Byleth and asks her to wait for him with a promise to return💍

so. its a lot to process in one conversation...to be fair, the game does drop hints about the former two before the end: with an NPC being like "either you[Byleth] or Claude will become king" during the explore portion about who's gonna Rule. and in Claude's A-support with Lorenz about Claude leaving in the end. buut therein lies the problem which is that those two former points should've been presented in a direct in-game convo before the final boss. instead the most prep a player has about this information are those hints and Jeralt narrating "Afterward, Claude left Fódlan, leaving Byleth to ascend the throne as the first leader of the United Kingdom of Fódlan" after Nemesis which uh. yeah lol

but even so, Claude isn't cruelly chaining Byleth to the throne against their will. I mean call me crazy, but maybe juuust maybe Byleth might have a vested interest in seeing peace restored in Fodlan? bc maybe Byleth might actually give a shit??🤷‍♀️ as for the S-support convo itself I thought it was perfectly fine (aside from aforementioned criticism) and in-character for Claude as well as a nice way to top-off the ending of VW.

maybe this is just me but I always took Byleth's reaction to Claude's leaving as her being insecure in her capabilities, which is something Byleth has been shown to express before. so her "I can't be a ruler" dialogue meaning "I can't be a ruler without you", which is why Claude tries to reassure her that, yes, she can do it without him. and in spite of fandom acting like Byleth's too stoopid to breathe, Byleth doesn't run Fodlan to the ground. quite the opposite actually lol

also the bad faith takes that Claude only marries Byleth for political gain, or that because the "i love you" is only in the eng version he no love Byleth🙄 as if Claude himself doesn't have the most rosy-eyed view of his parents' love story and might want that for himself (he's either gonna marry for love or not at all I will die on this hill). never mind that nobody accuses Claude of trying to leverage any political gain in his marriages with Hilda or Marianne or Petra... or that not every romantic S-support has an "i love you" line, english or not🙄 Or that because Claude doesn't throw it all away to reside in some liddol cottage in Bumfuck Nowhere with Byleth he must not truly love her, as if A) that isn't a shitty ultimatum (note how the other two lords don't have this standard applied to them🤔) or B) that it wouldn't be a complete betrayal of his character(no offense but I'm looking at you Lysithea/Shamir ending) also it'd be really cool if ppl would stop acting like them being in a temporary LDR is somehow a strike against their relationship like rip to y'all but I'm built different I guess.

BASED ANON BASED ANON BASED ANON

also it'd be really cool if ppl would stop acting like them being in a temporary LDR is somehow a strike against their relationship like rip to y'all but I'm built different I guess.

You did it! You broke shippers down to their bare essentials!

I mean, look, I snark and all, but for real, everyone has their preferences. If you don't like Claudeleth or their S-support, if you like Dimileth or Edeleth better, that's your taste, and as long as you stay in your lane and I stay in mine, we're good. But the criticism leveled at Claudeleth from those two camps is—for all the reasons you stated—overdone and tiresome. Claudeleth obviously isn't unpopular, so it's not like we're. idk oppressed or something dfkjghlskdfjg but it's the least popular lord/avatar ship and often gets overlooked by comparison. So yeah, its shippers are tired of hearing about how much it sucks because the ending isn't a beautiful rosy sparkly fairy tale, especially from supporters of two ships that are, in my opinion, absolutely choked with annoying dating sim player pandering.

plus their S-support still is the best in the game, argue with the wall

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

A Whole Castle

Words: 5,837 Warnings: Anxiety, food Characters: Logan, Roman, Virgil, Patton, Remy, Janus, Remus Universe: Whole Castle Genre: Family Fluff Additional Tags: Caring older siblings, Parks

You mentioned uncle Remy once and I’d love to see him meeting Patton for the first time. Does he bring lots of presents? I feel like that’s something he would do. And whose brother is he? Also! Is Emile in this au?

   “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of Patton overnight, dad,” Virgil crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

   “It is longer than overnight, we won’t be back until next evening,” Logan said evenly as he did a final check through to make sure Roman didn’t forget anything in his bag.

   “I’m still able to handle him for 24 hours on my own,” Virgil objected grumpily. “What if Pat hates him? Uncle Remy’s kind of… intense sometimes,” Virgil flipped out his hand with annoyance.

   “We’re more comfortable leaving you with adult help if you need anything. And you know my brother loves to spoil you, I’m sure he and Patton will get along just fine. I already informed him about Patton’s need for space and clear consent with touching. Remy knows your triggers and the one we found for Patton. But I’m not worried about Patton’s with you around. You’re a wonderful brother,” Logan said kindly. Virgil turned a little pink and loosened up his arms.

   “Um, fine… I’ll miss you,” Virgil mumbled. Logan noticed Roman forgot his hairbrush.

   “We’ll miss both of you, too. Thank you for letting us do this,” Logan smiled, checking for anything else missing.

   “It’s not like I have to give you permission for a day trip,” Virgil said flippantly.

   “We don’t want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable. Your understanding was paramount in our decision for a short getaway. I do not want you to feel unloved or like a burden because we are taking a brief vacation without you and Patton,” Logan explained. Virgil nodded slowly. The thought had crossed his mind, but they had asked him just before therapy and Dr. Picani had helped him out. Virgil hoped Dr. Picani did the same with Pat because Patton wouldn’t have brought it up.

   “You probably just want to bone,” Virgil said glibly.

   “How dare you, Detective Diaz, I am your superior officer!” Logan quoted with less gusto than the original because he did not want to yell. Logan and Virgil laughed together about it for a minute. “Well, Roman insists it will be romantic, but it is just a bed-and-breakfast in the countryside. I’m sure I will enjoy the fresh air. The next vacation we take will include the two of you and do something much more interesting,” Logan said with a smile and held out his arms. Virgil nodded and stepped into his arms for a hug. Logan hugged him firmly and rubbed between his shoulders. “I will be a phone call away if you need me,” He added seriously.

   “A, uh…. Water park would be a cool day trip,” Virgil mumbled.

   “I will look into it and gather the necessary supplies,” Logan nodded quickly and headed into the bathroom to grab Roman’s brush.

   “Um, thanks. I guess I won’t heckle uncle Remy too much,” Virgil grinned cheekily.

   “Remy says you got along like a house on fire and you loved the axe throwing class,” Logan laughed as he came back out and packed the hairbrush.

   “Um, yeah, I didn’t think he’d actually take me to one, sorry,” Virgil mumbled apologetically.

   “It’s fine, Virgil. The class was for your age range and you have not tried to use that skill outside of the classroom. I perhaps over-reacted,” Logan sighed. “I am aware that I can be very protective over the safety of my loved ones and I need to let things go sometimes,” He added, pulling Virgil in for another hug. “I will miss you very much,” Logan said softly.

   “Give me my son,” Roman said, pulling Virgil out of Logan’s arms into a strong hug, swaying side to side. “I’ll miss you more,” Roman cooed emphatically.

   “He’s also my son, Roman,” Logan rolled his eyes.

   “I’m sure you hugged him plenty, it was my turn,” Roman refuted him petulantly and stuck out his tongue at Logan.

   “Papa!” Virgil groaned, but he hugged him back. “I’m sure you’ll both hug me again when we see you off,” Virgil chuckled.

   “Of course, we have a lack of hugs tomorrow to make up for,” Roman said brightly and released Virgil. Virgil took a deep, relieving breath after being freed from the bear hug.

   “It is healthy to get multiple hugs a day, Virgil,” Logan said with amusement and patted Virgil’s shoulder affectionately. That fact made Roman pout. “Patton will surely get his required hugs from Virgil in the time being, darling, he is doing fine and getting better with his fear of adults every day,” Logan reassured him.

   “He’s just so tiny and needs so much love!” Roman whined. “I changed my mind, let’s stay,” Roman said impulsively. Virgil and Logan laughed at him, and Roman pouted out his lower lip.

   “No, we made reservations and paid a deposit for this. You said you wanted this after the show was done to unwind,” Logan smirked and rolled his eyes at Roman.

   “I know, but I already miss my boys and we haven’t left yet,” Roman frowned and looked morosely at Logan.

   “Go on, guys,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Go, you know how dad gets when his itinerary is messed with,” Virgil said, pushing Roman. Roman huffed and grabbed his bag. Virgil crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue at Roman, who rolled his eyes back at him.

   “Yes, the maturity in this room has hit its peak, let us egress to the living room before someone proclaimed a ‘poopy face’ or something similar,” Logan said with bemusement and picked up his bag. He took Roman’s hand with the other and they left the bedroom, followed close behind by Virgil.

   “Patton darling, we’re headed out,” Roman said softly, crouching down in the living room. Patton was sitting on the couch with a book and looked up. Logan smiled as Patton put the book down and Virgil walked over to take his hand. Virgil and Patton walked over and Roman opened his arms. Patton hesitated for a moment but he let go of Virgil’s hand and hugged Roman.

   “Not forever?” Patton asked carefully.

   “Just until tomorrow night, remember? I promise we’ll be back,” Roman reassured him and pulled Patton close, swaying slightly as he hugged him. Logan squatted down as well, and Patton came over to give him a hug. Logan hugged him back gently, careful with him and carded his fingers through his curls.

   “You’ll be safe with Uncle Remy. Anything you can ask us for you can ask him. Virgil will help out. And you can call us anytime, okay? We love you,” Logan reminded him genially, pulling back and smiling at Patton. Patton nodded and back up to Virgil and gripped on to Virgil’s hoodie. Virgil bent down to pick him up and hold him, and Patton stepped up willingly. Roman and Logan walked outside, followed closely behind by Virgil with Patton in tow.

   “We’ll miss you both, but we hope you have fun with Remy! He said he had plans, which I assume means something Logan might get mad at him for, so you can look forward to that,” Roman winked.

   “I am choosing to trust him for once,” Logan said sourly as he opened the trunk to put away the suitcases.

   “Yeah, I’m totally believing that, dad,” Virgil laughed and shifted Patton in his arms. Patton looked with concern to the car. “They’ll be back, they promised,” Virgil soothed him.

   “’Kay,” Patton exhaled, still sounding concerned.

   “Oh, my darling, we promise,” Roman said and rushed over after shoving off his suitcase to Logan. “It’s just a short break to celebrate and we’ll be back before you know it,” Roman leaned in and Patton nodded, so Roman planted a kiss in his hair and hugged both Patton and Virgil together.

   “Dad, papa’s gonna wuss out again,” Virgil called when Roman pulled back with a sad and sappy look on his face again.

   “Dearest, it will be fine. We’ll see them again soon and you were looking forward to utilizing the free champagne at the bed-and-breakfast,” Logan said tantalizingly. Roman let go and nodded in excitement.

   “Don’t get faced on mimosas, now,” Virgil grinned mischievously and Roman scoffed haughtily but smiled back at him after a moment of indignation nonetheless. Logan closed the trunk and came over to Virgil and Patton. Patton held out his arm and Logan came in to hug the pair of them.

   “I’ll monitor his victorious drinking, though I doubt you are seriously concerned. I have to assume free champagne does not mean a quality product. I hope you enjoy spending time with Remy. I’m sure the reason he was delayed was he wanted to buy more presents. He should be here shortly, but if you do not see him in 30 minutes, please feel free to call him and insult him a few times. He seems to run on spite,” Logan chuckled.

   “Who doesn’t?” Virgil smiled. “Um, have fun. Don’t die,” Virgil said quietly.

   “We will be fine, my loves,” Roman said soothingly. “Ta-ta for now, but we will be back before you know it! I love you both,” Roman announced brightly, kissing Virgil’s hair one more time before climbing into the driver’s seat.

   “I also regard you fondly,” Logan smirked. “I jest, I love you. Please remember that calling at any time is okay, even if you just want to ask us a question,” Logan reminded Virgil and also planted a kiss on his forehead, turning around to the car with a wave.

   Virgil watched the car pull out of the driveway and they shared another round of waving before the car drove down the street. Virgil sighed and turned around to head inside.

   “Is it dumb that I miss them already?” Virgil asked meekly.

   “Nah,” Patton shook his head and hugged Virgil’s chest. “You wanna colour with me?” He asked. “Then you don’t hafta be sad,” Patton nodded sagely and Virgil smiled, lowering Patton down the floor when they returned to the living room.

   “Sure, pipsqueak,” Virgil nodded. “Go get the stuff, would you?” Virgil asked and Patton nodded, bounding off into his room. Virgil texted Remy every cussword he could think of. Patton came back out with a few colouring books and a big bucket of markers. Patton dumped them all on the coffee table and Virgil sat down on the floor next to Patton, flipping through the colouring books.

   “I wanna colour a puppy,” Patton said resolutely, and Virgil pulled out a book with animal line art and handed it to Patton. Virgil picked one with mandalas and flipped it open to a random one in the center.

   Patton took a while to consider his options before settling on a Dalmatian and started filing in the spots with a rainbow of colours while Virgil worked on his mandala. Patton wasn’t the best at staying within the lines, but he gave his best effort, anyway. Virgil looked up at the door and sighed. Patton tapped his leg and Virgil looked over to him curiously, pausing his colouring efforts. Patton marked the back of Virgil’s hand with a lavender marker with a little giggle, and Virgil laughed. It unsettled Virgil how used to this Patton still was, but he considered that maybe it was just his anxiety being rude.

   A key clicked in the door and both Patton and Virgil’s eyes shot up to the sound. Patton moving hastily to hide behind Virgil on the floor. Virgil took a deep breath and sat tall so Patton could know Virgil was here to protect him.

   “Hey babes, sorry I’m late! It’s worth it, though, because your dad’s coffee maker is garbage,” Remy announced, coming in with hands full of bags.

   “Hey uncle Remy,” Virgil waved, feeling concerned about the trepidation from the tiny shaking Patton behind him. “Why don’t you come around and I’ll hold you,” Virgil whispered over his shoulder.

   “So where’s the pipsqueak they rant about?” Remy asked, kicking the door shut and putting down the bags in the living room. Patton slowly came around and pressed against Virgil right away, hiding under his hoodie. “Ah, the famous Patton. Don’t worry, I’ll give you your space, kid,” Remy smiled. “I got you gifts, though,” Remy added in a sing-song voice. “Well. I got everyone gifts. Logan’s gift is me replacing that POS in the kitchen because I’m not drinking out of it. But you guy’s will like it, too, I’ll show you later how to make hot cocoa with it,” Remy winked before pushing up his sunglasses and pushing a light blue bag towards them and backing off, heading over to lock the front door. He came back and kept his space, leaning on one foot, and watching patiently.

   “That’s probably your gift, Patton. Remy likes to make me tear my gifts open. This is too pretty for that,” Virgil said, pulling the bag closer to Patton. Patton slowly unlatched from Virgil to peer curiously in the bag.

   “This is all stuff dad will kill you over, isn’t it?” Virgil asked with bemusement as he tilted the bag for Patton to remove the tissue paper.

   “Mostly, so you better use it all fast before he can make me return it,” Remy laughed and separated out a package from the rest of the pile that was wrapped multiple times. Patton squealed in delight when he pulled out a big soft blue dog doll and squeezed it in delight.

   “Her name is Coco and I love her!” Patton declared, swaying side to side and holding the plush tight. It was massive compared to Patton.

   “There’s also a tablet in here, dude,” Virgil peered into the bag and pulled out the box.

   “That one’s open because I already put books and programs on it. Very educational, Logan won’t want to return that one,” Remy smirked impishly. Virgil started tearing apart the package’s layers for wrapping paper with amusement.

   “You know it’s neither of our birthdays, right?” Virgil drawled playfully.

   “I don’t want kids, but I want to spoil them. Let me make my dreams come true, Virgil,” Remy said teasingly. “I also brought the traditional hoodie. This time’s theme is cosmos. It might be a little big on him, though…” Remy hummed in displeasure. “He’s really small, huh,” He commented, eyeballing the tiny Patton playing with the blue dog plush.

   “Yeah,” Virgil agreed, ripping through layers. “How many are there?” Virgil shot in frustration after another 3 fruitless layers.

   “Work for it, babe,” Remy blew a kiss before leaning down and digging through one of the bags. “Hey Pat, you like matching Virge, right,” Remy asked, smiling at their matching hair and Patton froze, staring at Remy for a moment with worry. “Here you go,” Remy threw a small electric-blue star field hoodie at Patton. Patton caught it, dropping Coco and looking confused. Remy threw a purple cosmic hoodie right in Virgil’s face, and he sputtered and resisted the urge to flip Remy off. Patton bounced and slid the hoodie on.

   “Put it on, put it on,” Patton grabbed at Virgil’s current hoodie and shook him.

   “Hold on,” Virgil grumbled and just bit and the wrapping paper, tearing off layer by layer with his teeth. He finally made it to the center and cackled in delight. “I’m going to shoot the heck out of Janus!” He cheered and pulled out two packages of foam-ball guns and spare ammo. “Thanks, dude!” Virgil beamed at him.

   “Put it on!” Patton pleaded again, and Virgil chuckled while he shook his head in amusement. He pulled off his old hoodie to slide on the new one. Patton ran at and tackled Virgil over as soon as he finished pulling it down. Virgil laughed as he skid slightly on the living room floor and grabbed Patton.

   “Oh, a sneak attack, huh?” Virgil held Patton in his lap and gave him a gentle noogie before tickling him in the armpit. Patton shrieked with laughter as Virgil retaliated with a tickle attack. “You never see the sneaky little worm coming!” Virgil cackled. Patton laughed so hard he became red in the face, so Virgil stopped tickling and just held him on his lap while he caught his breath. “You look great in that, little dude,” Virgil pulled him in for a hug and Patton jumped off and grabbed the big blue doll off the floor.

   “Coco will watch out for sneak attacks in the future,” Patton said resolutely, staring at Virgil. Virgil took the dangling paw and shook it.

   “I look forward to sneaking past you, Coco,” Virgil said smarmily and Patton smacked Virgil with Coco in the head over and over. “No!” Virgil called out and fell over dramatically. “I’ve been defeated!” He declared between the puppy plush pummelings.

   “That’s right!” Patton cheered victoriously.

   “Holy frickin’ hell y’all are so cute I’m going to get cavities,” Remy laughed as he leaned against the wall watching them.

   “Shh! That’s a bad word!” Patton said, looking worried.

   “It’s okay when adults say it as long as they don’t use it to insult people,” Virgil chuckled and lifted himself off the floor, starting to pick up all the wrapping garbage and wadded it up. “Are you finished colouring your dog?” Virgil asked and Patton hurriedly returned to the coffee table and returned to colouring with Coco right behind him as a pillow.

   “Thanks again, dude,” Virgil smiled up to Remy as he gathered the last of the paper.

   “I brought my drone so you can take photos at the park later, too. You had fun last time,” Remy offered and Virgil immediately lit up.

   “Yes! Are we going to the park with the custard? Patty loves it,” Virgil asked excitedly.

   “No, this one’s a little farther out but there’s a hipster ice cream place on the way that should be good,” Remy smiled.

   “Patton, we get ice cream,” Virgil tilted to the side as he tempted Patton and Patton grinned widely.

   “It’s done!” Patton announced. He had filled in the rest of the dog with blue and it had rainbow spots. Patton lifted up the book and showed it off. “Wha’dya think?”

   “Very nice, he looks like a good friend. I like the silver collar, it’s a nice touch, it still pops against the rainbow,” Virgil nodded and Patton beamed proudly.

   “The colouring job is fantastic, kid,” Remy gave a thumbs up and Patton happily started picking up his markers. “What do you say we put those hoodies to the test and head out? We’ll get dinner and hit up that park,” Remy asked and Patton looked concerned. Virgil walked over to Remy.

   “Oh, um, Pat won’t play at a park without Remus. He’ll just… sit there,” Virgil whispered. “The most he’ll do is let me push him on a swing,” He added.

   “This is Pat’s friend? Call up his parents and give me the phone,” Remy said, holding out his hand and flipping his fingers. Virgil quickly navigated to the contact for Remus’s parents and passed the phone over.

   “Hello! Thank you. Yes, I’m aware it’s close to dinnertime. Yes, I am taking Patton to a healthy dinner and an enrichment experience, you see, I thought I would extend the offer to Remus. Yes, I’m Logan’s brother, I am the acting guardian while Logan is out of town. Yes, I am trained in CPR. How did you know? Of course, I will make sure he eats his greens, the restaurant is farm to table,” Remy said in his most sycophantic voice. “Yes, you can reach me if you need to. We’ll be back after sunset. Yes, send Virgil the address and I’ll come to collect Remus. It’s chilly out, make sure he is dressed warmly, I wouldn’t want him to catch a cold,” His voice was sickly sweet. He hung up proudly and smirked at Virgil as he handed back his cell.

   “What the hell was that?” Virgil asked.

   “Rich people are suckers to salesmen. They never stood a chance after I clocked her,” Remy said smugly. “You want to bring that Janus kid?” Remy asked. “It only seems fair,” He added.

   “But, um, that’s even more money for dinner,” Virgil said meekly.

   “It’s just dinner, babe,” Remy rolled his eyes.

   “At one of those fancy places?” Virgil asked incredulously.

   “Oh, eff that, we’re getting chicken strips,” Remy huffed.

   “Chicken strips?” Patton perked up.

   “Ah, one of Mrs. Bunnyface’s favourites. Why don’t you go grab her, Pat? She can sit with us at the park, we’ll watch her,” Virgil offered and Patton nodded and ran into his room with Coco. “If he gets uncomfortable, he’s more likely to say something is wrong with her around. Otherwise, he just clams up,” Virgil whispered.

   “Aren’t you too young to be a dad?” Remy laughed and messed with Virgil’s hair.

   “He would only talk to me for a bit!” Virgil said defensively. “He’s doing better but he’s still scared of having wants for himself. His birth parents aren’t that great,” Virgil said bitterly.

   “He’s lucky he’s got a brother like you,” Remy pulled Virgil in for a side hug.

   “We’re… we’re not brothers,” Virgil said hourly.

   “Oh, shut up with that. You ask them to adopt him, they’ll do it in a heartbeat, I bet they’re already thinking about how to ask you. Come on, call Janus. I want you to be able to get photos of the waterfall at sunset,” Remy said and pat Virgil’s back. Virgil looked up to him in amazement.

   “What? Holy sh— uh, shiitake mushrooms,” Virgil said as Patton came back out with Mrs. Bunnyface in tow. “You have your phone?” Patton pulled his phone with the big chunky case and nodded. He put it back in his pocket and walked up to hold Virgil’s hand. “Cool,” Virgil said, then texted Janus.

   “Kid, texts are too slow,” Remy groaned and reached for Virgil’s phone. Virgil pulled it back and stuck out his tongue and showed the screen of Janus’s positive response. “Fine, whatever, let’s go,” Remy rolled his eyes and turned to head out the door. He let the boys (and Mrs. Bunnyface) exit and locked up behind them. “Who’s closer? Remus or Janus?”

   “Janus is just the neighborhood across the street. Remus lives in the heights,” Virgil supplied, helping Patton in the car, but he paused and pulled Patton back out. “Um, he needs to be on a booster,” Virgil looked concerned when he didn’t see one in the backseat.

   “Dang, that is a rich kid. Be right back, I’m sure Logan thought ahead and put it somewhere for me,” Remy said and headed back inside. Patton nervously shuffled his feet and felt Mrs. Bunnyface’s ears.

   “He’s good, Pat. You know Remus, Janus, and I would let nothing happen to you and he’s taking us all out voluntarily to do something we like, right?” Virgil squeezed Patton’s hand reassuringly.

   “I jus’ don’ wanna mess up,” Patton admitted and looked down sadly.

   “You won’t, little guy, but ask me any time and I’ll make sure, okay?” Virgil pulled his face back up to look him in the eye with his finger.

   “Thanks, Virge,” Patton smiled weakly. “Will you sit with me?” He asked hopefully.

   “Of course. Janus probably wants the front seat, anyway,” Virgil smiled. “He likes his space,” Virgil shrugged.

   “Not from you,” Patton blinked.

   “Everybody has exceptions. I’m your exception most of the time, right?” Virgil grinned and booped Patton in the nose, causing Patton to titter and twitch his nose.

   “Yeah,” Patton said softly and gripped the new star spattered hoodie hanging off Virgil. It was big on Patton, but with the sleeves bunched up it fit alright, but Patton wouldn’t take it off for anything.

   “Back! It was in the garage with a note. He mentioned Remus has his own? That’s so weird,” Remy ran his hand through his hair. “You know how to use this thing, right, V? I’m not reading the massive manual Lo left if I can help it,” Remy passed it off to Virgil and Virgil nodded, taking it to set up.

   “They allow Remus to come out often if he doesn’t have after-school stuff, but his parents are always too busy or not home so they just gave him one to take out with him. His parents call playing with Patty ‘networking’, they’re so weird. He’s a kid, he likes dirt and worms and swinging on stuff, you know? He doesn’t care about ‘networking’,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Alright, Pat, come on up,” Virgil moved out of the way to let Patton in and Virgil buckled him up and made sure everything was in place before coming around to sit on the other side.

   “Dang, girl, leave some tea to spill for the rest of us,” Remy chuckled. “I’m sure he’ll be glad for chicken fingers and dirty slides, then,” Remy said as he buckled up and began to back out of the driveway.

   “Hey, Patty, why don’t you tell Remy about Mrs. Bunnyface’s favourite thing to do at the park?” Virgil suggested, pulling out his phone and texting Janus that they were on the way.

   “Mrs. Bunnyface likes t’watch me swing and slide and climb! She likes to watch Remus use th’ monkey bars, too!” Patton said cheerily. “Mrs. Bunnyface doesn’t like to get dirty, so Virgil sits with her t’watch. There’s this one park Virge takes me to on his bike with th’ thing Remus calls ‘the pod’ I always forget the name of that has these cool drums and things and she plays those with us! Even Virgil and Janus play them! It’s so fun!” Patton buoyantly babbled about what he did at parks. “Also Virge gets us ice cream there! Mrs. Bunnyface loves vanilla with strawberries and chocolate syrup. Remus likes gummy bears because he lost a tooth in one once and he wants to do it again,” Patton kicked his feet gaily.

   “That kid is so metal,” Virgil laughed. “Has Mrs. Bunnyface ever had dog food? I lost a tooth in that,” He asked.

   “Ew! Virge, she’s a bunny, not a puppy!” Patton held his doll tight.

   “No, kid, it’s cereal and chocolate and stuff. We’ll make it together sometime so she can try it,” Remy laughed.

   “Yeah, I think Remus would want to eat it on name alone. I think Mrs. Bunnyface would like it, Patty,” Virgil winked and Patton giggled. “Oh, turn here and it’s the one on the right. He’s already outside waiting,” Virgil leaned forward to point.

   “Th’ name is yucky, though,” Patton giggled.

   “Dog food being a gross name is part of the fun,” Virgil smirked. The car door opened and Janus climbed into the front seat and smiled apprehensively to Remy. “Janus! We get to fly a drone!” Virgil said eagerly. Janus’s interest was piqued right away, turning to Virgil.

   “We do?” He asked, clicking in the seatbelt and gripping it enthusiastically. He looked back to Remy sheepishly. “My parents gave me five bucks for dinner,” He offered weakly. “I know it’s not enough, but-”

   “Keep it, bonus allowance, order what you want,” Remy waved Janus off right away. Janus smiled and nodded. “Okay, I’m headed towards the heights, but I might need a GPS for that labyrinth of a neighborhood,” Remy said.

   “That’s chill,” Virgil loaded up the address and passed his phone up to Janus. “I can’t wait to take the camera up close to the waterfall,” Virgil balled his fists in excitement.

—

   “Alright, I’m trusting you two with this. I’m staying with the chaos gremlins at the playground. Keep your phone on you, come back right away if I call, and don’t fly the thing into the waterfall, okay?” Remy said, holding up a finger and passing off the controller. Virgil and Janus vibrated with excitement and nodded, waiting for Remy’s say. Remy rolled his eyes affectionately and nodded, and they both took off in the waterfall's direction.

   “You’ll keep her safe, right?” Patton asked with concern, passing up his doll.

   “Everything in my power, kid. You keep that glow necklace on. Go on, Remus is already halfway up the web,” Remy pointed and Patton looked between his doll and the web a few times before bolting and jumping up on the net.

   Remy sat back on the bench with the rabbit doll on his lap. He pulled out his phone and a pair of headphones and put them on low so he could listen to his music while he kept an eye on Patton and Remus. Patton and Remus were on the top of the net, trying to push each other over. Remy probably should have stopped them, but they were being pretty gentle and Remus caught Patton when he did actually lose balance. The height wasn’t a particularly dangerous one to play fight at, but if Logan knew Remy let that slide he’d get yelled at.

   Patton chased Remus across the pebbles laughing, Remus yelling something about pirates and treasure and Patton paying rapt attention. They dug in the pebbles under the slide for a bit but got distracted by a group game of ‘Lava Monster’ or something where the ground was lava and the kid on the ground had to tag someone without using the playground floor. Climbing was fair game, and Remus used that to his advantage. He was very spry. Remy thought he’d be more bored keeping an eye on them, but they were so high energy and excited it was a little infectious.

   The Lava monsters won, and they switched to regular tag, but Patton didn’t want to play that one, so he and Remus went to a boat-type thing and pretended to be sea explorers instead. Patton steered the torrential sea while Remus fought off a squid, maybe. They were mostly yelling nonsense to Remy’s ears. They beat the sea monster and after that had a deserted island vacation, made rock angels, and eventually headed back over to the bench where Remy sat with tired smiles. The sun set just enough that the soft glow of the necklaces was visible in the lower light, so Virgil was likely getting some primo photos.

   “Hey, how about we get water bottles from the car and go watch Virgil and Janus?” Remy offered.

   “Sure! I’m tired, though, carry me?” Remus asked guilelessly.

   “Dust yourself off, kid,” Remy laughed. Remus shook off like a dog and pat himself down as well as he could and held up his arms. Remy hefted him up on one side and looked to Patton for a moment. “I can carry you too, Pat, if you want. You’ll have to hold Mrs. Bunnyface, though,” Remy said, passing her down with his free arm. Patton took her and held her tight for a moment before nodding and slowly stepping over. Remy carefully squatted down and picked up Patton on his other side and headed back towards the car. Patton seemed nervous, but Remus rested tiredly against Remy’s shoulder.

   He put down Remus at the car to grab the lunch box full of cold water bottles and Remus was the bearer of the lunch box as he carried the pair over to the area with the small cliff and waterfall. It wasn’t hard to pick out Virgil and Janus with the glow-in-dark stars on the hoodie and glow stick jewelry. They were near the fenced-off water bank, flying the drone stiffly. Janus looked at his phone and Virgil stared at the drone while he flew it attentively. He carefully lowered down for the boys to hop off and Remus drowsily flopped back in the grass, holding up the box for Remy to take and unzipped. He passed down a water bottle for Remus and Patton, who sat on the grass next to them. They drank thirstily and fell back with giggles.

   “When you have a second we’ve got water,” Remy called out to the two. Virgil jumped, being shaken from his concentration, but held up his thumb. Janus came over for the bottles, though, keeping his eye on his phone for the display.

   “Thanks,” Janus stated distractedly and walked back over to Virgil where they continued to take photos. Remy settled down on the grass and watched them fly around. Janus pointed out areas that looked interesting, and Virgil was taking photos from different angles. He passed off the controls to Janus and drank some water while they got the last few ones they could. It looked kind of like Remus and Patton were passing out in the grass.

   “Wrap it up, guys!” Remy called out and Patton jumped and blinked a few times. They recalled the drone quickly after and Janus carried them over.

   “Thank you so much, uncle Remy!” Virgil said gleefully, placing the empty bottles in the lunch box. “I can’t wait to get those photos. You want me to carry you back, Patty?” Virgil asked and leaned down near Patton. Patton nodded and yawned a little and held up his arms. Virgil reached down and grabbed him, holding him close to his chest. Patton balled his fists in the hoodie and closed his eyes.

   “You want another ride, tiny terror?” Remy asked and Remus sat up sluggishly and rubbed his eyes.

   “Woah,” Remus looked around in confusion. “Yeah,” He nodded and held out his arms. Remy knelt down to carry Remus. Remus basically melted against him like a jellyfish.

   “Will you carry the drone, Janus?” Remy asked and Janus looked surprised for a moment.

   “You don’t think I’ll break it?” Janus asked in disbelief.

   “You’ve been playing with that thing for like two hours, you’re clearly capable. Give yourself some credit when others won’t, kid, you’ll go much farther,” Remy said reassuringly and winked.

   Remus and Patton were nearly out by the time they made it back to the car, barely noticing all the animated conversation going on between Virgil and Janus between the front and back seats of his sedan. Remy settled in for the long drive back, humming along with the quiet radio. Patton and Remus were passed out with contented looks in the rear-view and Virgil and Janus were teasing each other boisterously, Janus using his hand like a puppet so he could sit back in the seat and still ‘face’ Virgil in the back. Virgil made a hand puppet as well, playfully mocking each other.

   Being a dad wasn’t Remy’s ‘thing’, but he sure as hell loved his nephews. Maybe sitting at a park for two hours isn’t how he wanted to spend every day, but for them? He would do it again in a heartbeat. Logan and Roman were doing something right. If the weather held, he brought concert earplugs to take them to a carnival. If it didn’t, movie theatre and board games. Either way, he was making dog food, just because. Mixing it up was the best way to live life. Logan would be mad about all the sugar, but what were uncles for?

_ _

Taglist: @elizabutgayer @radioactivehelena @ollyollyoxinfree

The Taglist Repository Taglist: (ask to be removed)

freakin’ everything: @katelynn-a-fan @dwbh888 @royal-stormcloud @ananonsplace @brain-deadx0 @the-grounded-raven @grouptalekindnesssoul @the-hoely-bleach @anvil527up @fanficloverinthesun

Human AU:  @somehow-i-got-an-account  @starlight-era  @just-your-typical-trans-guy @potatsanderssides @idont-freaking-know

Logince:  @idontcareaboutcanon @silverobsidion-speaks  @a-fandom-trashdump  @averykedavra @k1ngtok1 @potatsanderssides

Moxiety (platonic):  @kieraelieson  @star-crossed-shipper

Adoption:  @enby-phoenix @idont-freaking-know

Foster:  @i-am-not-a-dinner-roll @nonasficcollection @idont-freaking-know

Found Family:  @supernovainthenightsky

[mytwilightimagines13]

Amnesia (Book one, part thirteen)(Alec Volturi)

Maeryn took a deep breath as her nose and lungs where filled with the salty smell of the sea. She was sitting on a rock at their private beach near the house, while Alec had his arm wrapped around her waist. Her head rested on his hard shoulder, while his head rested upon her head. It was evening, and the sun slowly sank into the ocean, but the warmth of that day still lingered around them. However, Maeryn’s thoughts where with a question she had ached to ask for many weeks now. Before the couple had left to go on their small holiday, Felix had mentioned something about her and Alec being mates. She had questioned Felix about it, but he thought Alec should tell her instead of him. But the question had slipped Maeryn’s mind until now. “Alec?” Maeryn spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence. Alec moved his head up and looked at his mate. “Yes, amore mio?” he replied. Maeryn wasn’t very sure how to ask her question, so she looked down at her lap and played with a string that was attached to her summer dress. “Well. Felix mentioned mates a while ago, and he said I should ask you what it was.” Maeryn said, murmering slightly. But she knew Alec had heard her perfectly well. Alec sighed softly and grabbed one of her hands to stop her from playing with the string. “Well, to understand the bonding between two mates, you will first need to understand the differences between a vampire’s personalities and the different relationships a vampire has.” He started explaining. Maeryn held her breath slightly and listened closely to him. “It all, ofcourse, starts when a human becomes a vampire. A newborn, that is what we call them. All of our natural behavior, needs and characteristics are frozen within us forever, though they are also heightened at the same time. On average, a newborn's physical strength greatly surpasses that of an older vampire because they still have their own blood lingering in their tissues. As time passes the venom in them will consume that blood, and the newborn's physical capabilities and thirst will slowly diminish until it reaches that of a normal vampire, by the end of its first year. A newborn's thirst for blood is overwhelmingly and relentlessly painful,  often described as a fierce pain in their throat, and they will feed as much as possible to curb it. I guess something to look foreward too.” Alec said, giving Maeryn a playful wink. Maeryn chuckled. “I guess so.” Alec smiled. “Some indications which show a newborn are their bright crimson eyes, the bright color is due to the blood left in their body at the time of changing, uncontrollable thirst that makes them more ferocious than most vampires, and superior physical abilities. Newborns appear much like normal vampires with the exception of their eyes. A newborn's eyes are an incredibly bright crimson, indicating that their own blood is still in their system, though their heart is no longer beating. In the months that a vampire feeds on animal blood, their eyes will change from red to amber and then to gold. If he reverts to feeding on human blood, the eyes will darken to be almost a darker crimson, sometimes a burgundy color. Newborns are also incredibly powerful in the physical sense, being much stronger and faster than a regular vampire, which allows them to easily crush an older vampire. As they become older their strength begins to wane, and after the first year, their strength will be reduced to that of an average vampire.” Maeryn chuckled. “Does that mean I can take on Felix?” she asked as her eyes sparkled slightly at the idea of revenge. Alec chuckled. “You will be stronger than him, however, he has much more fighting experience and newborns are quite predictable in their fights.” He said as he poked her nose gently. “Hmm.” She replied before Alec continued his story. “Newborns are often bloodthirsty, violent and uncontrollable. Their enhanced emotions are hard to control and they anger easily. They are also likely to kill one another to compete for blood. When they catch the scent of blood, their hunting instincts will take over and cloud their ability to focus, even the thought of the word "blood" is enough to make their thirst unbearable. The thirst is so maddening in the first year that most newborns are more animalistic and wild than their older counterparts. However, as time passes, their thirst will slowly diminish and become easier to manage. Their secondary human emotions and desires will mostly be dormant for a while, and resurface slowly over time. It is impossible to predict how long a newborn or an average vampire will remain vicious and bloodthirsty before their secondary desires and personality resurfaces, since every person is different. Certain vampires may have to wait for at least a few years after their first year ends. From the moment a vampire is made, our interests, dislikes and personality are permanently petrified. For instance, if a human with a loving character becomes a vampire, his or her passion is magnified, allowing him or her to love others even more intensely. Another example is if the human was ambitious and cunning, those characteristics become magnified as a vampire, thus making him a ruthless killer. The only aspect that does change is the our outlook on the world.” He said and looked and Maeryn, making sure she understood. Once Maeryn gave a small nod he continued. “Aside from our original personalities, we also have ferocious instincts and a compelling drive for consuming blood. The moment we give in to our thirst, all of our human characteristics disappear and we could risk hurting one another by competing for prey. The longer we abstain from blood completely, the harder it becomes for us to resist, and eventually we will give in to our thirst. Vampires are feral, predatory creatures, and far more savage and beast-like than our human appearance suggests. We growl, hiss, snarl, and curl our lips back baring our teeth as signs of aggression when we are provoked.” He said and he playfully curled his lips back, giving Maeryn a playfull hiss. Maeryn chuckled and kissed his cheek. Alec smiled and soon continued his story. “We also have a sense of self-preservation. Meaning when we are confronted with danger that proves too overwhelming for our capabilities, we will immediately evade the area, unless there is something holding us back.” Maeryn felt really intrigued by what Alec was telling her. As ofcourse she would too soon be a vampire, and she found it crucial to be as prepared as she possibly could. “Alright, now you know all that and how our personalities are formed, we can talk about the different bondings between vampires. Though vampires are mostly territorial and nomadic, there are few possibilities for us to bond with one another and with other species. The first bonding force is romance. If a vampire falls in love, that feeling never fades away and that love is bound for eternity. As a general rule, only the bond between mates is strong enough to survive the competitive drive for blood. That was why, even though your blood is so tempting, I resist it.” He said before gently placing a kiss on her warm lips. Maeryn smiled and returned the kiss before he pulled away and stroked her cheek. “And the other bondings?” she asked as a small smile still played around her lips. Alec chuckled and once more continued his story. “Larger covens are less stable, and usually end because of internal violence. If a vampire was romantically bound to someone before he turned, that love will remain as a permanent aspect in his characteristics after the transformation. It is also possible for a vampire to fall in love after he was turned, and that love will be just as permanent as any other. Another prevalent vampire trait is that of a vengeful nature. Related again to our unchanging state, vampires are not forgiving, we do not move past an insult or injury. The most common example of vampire vengeance is the aftermath of the loss of a mate. When a vampire loses his mate, he never recovers from the pain. We cannot rest until the party responsible is eradicated. Centuries can pass without lessening the ferocity of our need for vengeance. However, it is possible to suppress that desire if we compel ourselves to focus. However, if someone would even dare to look at you in a manner that I don’t agree with, I will surely behead them.” He said, his eyes serious. Maeryn smiled and pecked his lips. “The second bonding force, and one that is able to keep a large coven stable, is ambition. Vampires are competitive by nature, and some vampires have been able to evolve this competitive disposition into a greater cause capable of uniting many individuals into a secure whole. The pursuit of power is that bonding cause for vampires. The third, and rarest, bonding force is the vampire conscience. Very few vampires are born with or develop a value for human life. The consumption of human blood is such a known aspect of vampire life that few ever question it, the driving thirst for human blood seems irresistible. However, those who do learn to value human life in spite of this reality are able to subsist on animal blood. Vampires who live this way are sometimes referred to as "vegetarians". Animal blood is unappealing to vampires, and thus a difficult diet to maintain. Those who make the sacrifice, though, experience related benefits. In the absence of human blood, the competitive drive disappears. Vampires are able to form bonds of love in addition to the bond between mates. The weak coven alliance is replaced by a strong, family-style union. “ he said as he finished his story. By the end of it, the moon had risen far up into the sky and all signs of the sun had gone away. 

Maeryn looked at herself in the mirror. Her beautiful golden brown locks where pinned back by Jane while Heidi did her make-up. Maeryn was dressed in a mid-length black dress. She was getting ready for a funeral. Her funeral. Maeryn’s story was that she had died in a car crash when Alec and her where taking a taxi back to Volterra from the airport. The driver had lost control of the car and crashed in a tree, killing her and the driver. Alec had survived but the story was that he felt too sad to show up to her funeral. Truth is, that he would be in a tree, high up away from the eyes of the guest on the funeral, and he would tell Maeryn all they would say. Jane placed the last pin in Maeryn’s hair and Heidi laid down the make-up brush. “All done.” Heidi said as she put away all her make-up. “Now remember to stay in the back with Alec. He will tell you all they are saying.” Jane said. Maeryn nodded her head as her heart tightened. “And don’t worry, your make-up is waterproof and there are tissues in your purse. Good luck.” Heidi said as Jane and her exited Maeryn’s new room in the castle. Maeryn felt guilty. She knew the pain Agnella and Adolfo had to go though was awful, but she also knew it had to be done, and that this was way better than if they had to deal with Maeryn’s sudden disappearance. A small knock brought Maeryn out of her thoughts. “Come in.” she said as she stood up. Alec walked in. He smiled gently at her. “It is time, amore mio.” He said. Maeryn nodded her head and took his outstretched hand. Alec gently squeezed her hand and lead her outside to the cemetery. It was a rainy and cold day. Alec jumped into a tree, far enough for Maeryn to see everything but far enough for no one else to see them. A hole had already been dug and a tombstone decorated the head on the hole. Slowly people started to walk onto the cemetery as the song mama said by Metallica started to play. They were all people from the village. First four young men, all dressed in simple, black tuxido’s, whom carried the coffin. It was black and a rosary was laid on top of it. Agnella, dressed in a new simple black dress and Adolfo, dressed in his best suit, which he only saved for very special occasions, followed. Agnella was crying and Adolfo held her close and made sure she would follow in the rhythm and not fall behind. Jane, Heidi and Daemon where next in line. Jane was wearing a different black dress than what she usually would wear. It was much more modern. Heidi was as stylish as always, and instead of her usual red dress had she swapped it for a styleful black dress. Deamon wore his usual mob suit with his hat in his hand. All three of course knew the coffin was empty, but all three had a sad expression on their faces. The line was closed by the Barone family, also all dressed in their usual suits, and with their hats in their hands. Everyone gathered around the grave while the coffin was placed upon the lift that would soon sink the coffin into the ground to be buried. The village priest stood up and started talking. “From dust we come and to dust we return. Life is how we all fill it in ourselves. Faith decides for us on how long our lives may be. But we ourselves decide how we will live our live. Today, a young woman has been taken from us and will be buried to say goodbye. Maeryn McDougall came here after the loss of her parents, the last family he had left. But she found a new and loving family right here, in Volterra. Agnella and Adolfo Gentile took her in as their own daughter, in return she helped them make their beloved café a true success here in Volterra. How we will miss her greeting smile in the morning when we buy our morning coffee, or her lovely greeting in the afternoon, when we buy our favourite sweet buns that Agnella makes by hand and with love. How we will miss her shining appearance on the streets by the market or her concentrated face when she is drawing by the fountain near Palazzo dei Priori. Now, there are a few people whom would like to give their final goodbye by saying a few words.” The priest finished as he descended from the small stage. Daemon walked upon the stage, his voice slightly shaking. “Maeryn. My dear Maeryn. I remember the first time that we had ever met. I was a cocky and arrogant man, barely an adult and I demanded you to give me a cup of coffee for free. I remember how you raised an eyebrow and told me you would charge me triple the amount if I ever dared to speak to you or anyone like that again. I remember how I felt slightly taken back, as no one had ever spoken to me like you had that day. I laughed, and a new friendship had started. Sadly, that friendship would only last a year. But in that year we shared many laughter, I taught you how to draw, you thought me how to control my temper.” At this Daemon chuckled shakily as many other people shared into this small laughter. “Honestly, Maeryn. I will not know what to do with my best friend, but I promise I will keep on drawing. And hopefully, I will see you one day again. Whatever there might be after death. Truth be told, who knows? Maybe heaven, maybe hell, maybe in our new lives. But I am sure our souls will find each other again and we will continue to be best friends. Goodbye, Tesoro.” Daemon finished as he placed a bloodred rose onto the empty coffin. A sign of Maeryn’s human life. Maeryn was quietly sobbing, but her eyes would never avert from the scene that was playing infront of her eyes. The next person to walk upon the stage was Agnella with the help of Adolfo. Agnella’s face was red, her eyes where all puffy and filled with sadness, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in a while. Adolfo’s eyes however where the complete opposite of Agnella’s eyes. Adolfo’s eyes where dull, empty but from time to time a small tear would fall from his eyes. “Maeryn, mio caro. We never had been able to have a child of our own. When you entered our lives, we were sure you was a gift from above. And you were the daughter we had always hoped for. You were kind to everyone, but also very direct. If something wasn’t to your liking, you would say it. You were genuine and true. You much rather said the truth than to hide it. Your honesty might have led to some people disliking you, finding you rude, but in the end I believe people much rather hear the awful truth than a beautiful lie. But in return, when someone told the truth about you, you would take it in and sometimes you would improve, and sometimes you wouldn’t. That is what we loved the most about you. Your honesty.” Agnella said finishing her story and whipping her eyes as the tears kept on flowing down her cheeks. Adolfo kissed his wife’s cheek as he grabbed his own speech and began to speak. His voice hallow yet filled with emotion. “Dear Maeryn, how we will miss your bright smile. Or your sometimes grumpy behaviour in the early mornings. Everytime I will make my lasagne, I will think about you. You where the daughter we never had, and the daughter we will never have again. Rest in peace Maeryn. And hopefully we may have the honour of seeing you once more.” Adolfo finished and Agnella and he made their way towards the coffin while Missing You from All Time Low played in the background. Agnella placed a black rose onto the coffin. A sign of Maeryn’s death and soon her transformation. Finally, Jane walked onto the stage. Truth be told it had surprised Maeryn to know that Jane had written a speech to be told on Maeryn’s funeral. “Dear Maeryn, I might have not known you for long, but I do know you made my brother very happy. I truly believe you were soulmates, two souls who would have found each other in each live you will live. We are all saddened to know that you are gone, especially Alec. But do not fret, as I know you will see each other again in a new life. For now, enjoy your time with your family before you all will start a new life once more. For now, rest and be peaceful.” Jane finished. She walked gracefully towards the coffin and placed a white rose on top of it. A sign of Maeryn’s new life. Her life as a vampire which will soon start. Soon the coffin sunk into the ground, while Sailing Ships from Whitesnake played in the background and the first handfuls of dirt was placed on top by all the villagers that where present. Adolfo helped a very upset and crying Agnella home while he could no longer control his own tears, which were now freely falling down his cheeks. Daemon made sure the elderly couple made it safely home before going home himself. The mortician placed the last bit of dirt on top of the coffin and made the ground even before he too, left. Maeryn sniffed and finally stopped crying an hour later. Alec had held her close all this time, not saying a word. He just let his mate cry out her sadness and guilt. “Thank you.” She said. Alec smiled gently and stroked her cheek. “Can we go and see it?” she asked referring to her grave. “Ofcourse, amore mio.” Alec said. He kissed her forehead gently before pulling her closer into his arms and jumping down the tree. The walked towards the empty grave and the tombstone, which read: Maeryn McDougall November 17th 1987 – Februari 1st 2006 A loving daughter and friend. You have been through so much, But now you can finally find your peace.

[lady-plantagenet]

Shakespeare Appreciation Week

TUESDAY, JULY 14th: Favourite Plays Day: Hamlet (Yes I know I’m basic) 

For most of my teenage and young adult life, I’ve been wondering what it is about Hamlet that has drawn me so much to him in particular. The tension between action and contemplation was an obvious one for me, but looking back at it now (more 15th century history orientated than before) I realise that with the ‘method in his madness’ he thematically reminds me of the perils faced by some of my favourite historical figures. So on reflection, my love for Shakespeare’s most famous protagonist has rekindled and redefined itself. Behold an old take of mine on whether Shakespeare presents Hamlet as sane or mad, admirable or not? (At least up to Act 3) @harry-leroy .

It is without a doubt that it was Shakespeare’s intent to portray Hamlet in a multi-faceted way, pertaining of a lot of paradoxes, such as Hamlet being both mindful of Ophelia for example warning Polonius about letting his daughter be blinded to the majesty that he projects: ‘Let her not walk I’th’sun’, yet at the same time condemning her for simply exhibiting more than one personality: ‘God hath given you one face and you make yourselves another’, which ironically is a central feature of his character. Therefore in many ways Hamlet is supposed to be portrayed as both admirable and mad to us the audience, as his character consistently changes depending with whom he speaks to, such as the ghost of his father in contrast to his mother, Polonius and the rest of the Danish court, as he is sometimes admirable in the way he accepts the moral responsibility that he has as heir presumptive of Denmark has, while simultaneously mad, as he is seen in some of his interactions and within his introspective soliloquys.

 On the one hand, Shakespeare’s intentions to depict Hamlet as a protagonist pertaining admirable qualities can clearly be seen through the multiple times he draws parallels between Hamlet and his storyline and Greek and Roman mythology, for example when he sees himself as Pyrrhus, who is a character that the term ‘pyrrhic victory’ derives from, the drawing of such a parallel subliminally portrays Hamlet in an admirable way to some degree, as it transmits Hamlet’s concern for morality in himself and others, because it shows how he acknowledges that even if he like Pyrrhus were victorious – in his case victory is avenging his father by bringing himself to conquer his ponderous nature, and murder Claudius -, his victory would still have moral ramifications for both himself and those around him, which is one of the main reasons why he procrastinates his vengeance despite wanting it so. For example, when he says in Act 1 Scene 2, line 244: ‘Though hell itself should gape’, he supresses his curiosity as a scholar, and wish for vengeance as the son of his beloved father – both roles that dominate his life and characters – in order to acknowledge how unorthodox this encounter would be, as suggested by the explored themes in that scene such as heaven, hell, death, the after-life and purgatory, which all pertain to a thaumaturgy which is a theme that would have been immediately linked to witchcraft and blasphemy at that time, and it is in many ways admirable for Hamlet to be troubled by the news of his father’s ghost returning instead of immediately trying to see it, without considering the moral implications, which can also be seen by how suspicious he is at the onset, questioning Horatio and Bernardo fervently about the smallest details: ‘pale, or red?’, ‘looked he frowningly’ and ‘armed say you’, while the stichomythic nature of the sharp and short exchanges between the three men, further emphasizes Hamlet’s suspicious and agitated approach towards occurrence, as he firstly maturely analyses if it is indeed his father they saw, before committing the heretic act of speaking to a ghost, who could judging by its description of the sun – often a symbol of clarity and bounteousness – as ‘sulph’rous and tormenting flames’, be a creature of hell and alluding to the dark side, instead of heaven. Yet, he himself often compares himself to the ‘sun’, whether intended for the pun between ‘son’ and ‘sun’, or when describing his relationship to the world and Denmark. For example, in Act 2 Scene 2 when he encounters Polonius and warns him to cease being his ‘fishmongering’ self and to"Let her not walk i' the sun: conception is a blessing: but not as your daughter may conceive" in Act 2 Scene 2, line 184 to 185, which is also delivered in prose instead of the more scholarly and sophisticated albeit removed iambic pentameter, which could suggest that he is speaking plainly and simply at this point, and his advice to Polonius should not be taken as one more of his paradoxes and mind-games. Hamlet’s delivering of that line though very strange in nature - as it is jux-ta-posed with the gruesome imagery of charion and maggots, which connote filth and deaths – can be one example of him exhibiting an admirable quality as he realizes that as ‘the sun’ he is in many ways Denmark and has a moral duty to act on what is better for everyone and the people around him than his own selfishness, as Polonius’ aside: ‘still harping on my daughter’ acts as a clarifier to the audience, that Hamlet still harbors feelings for Ophelia, which makes it clear that him warning Polonius to not ‘let her not walk I’ the sun’, serves as a warning to not let her be blinded by his position and the high-standard to which he is being held by Denmark and Ophelia as the heir presumptive: ‘the glass of fashion’, ‘the mould of form’, as he condemns himself for being so submissive to his own feelings as he calls himself ‘a rogue and peasant slave’, for not being able to take up the role of kingship like the actors ‘could force his (their) soul’ and pretend to weep for Hecuba despite meaning nothing to them, and thus making him more admirable as he realizes his own selfishness and thus does not vie for the position of a king or to selfishly love Ophelia.

 On the other hand, the frequency to which soliloquys form Hamlet’s dialogues could connote a certain degree of madness as the constantly introspective nature of Hamlet’s dialogue shows how far he lives inside his mind, which intrinsically suggests that he sees and experiences life to some subjectively, which can connote a certain degree of madness. This is primarily manifested by Hamlet’s constant use of paradoxes throughout the play for example in Act 1, Scene 4, Line 85, when he tells Horatio and Marcellus “I’ll make a ghost of him that lets me”, where ‘let’, which meant ‘hinder’ now means the exact opposite to ‘allow’ which depicts Hamlet as a very confused character as the diction of his speech is ambiguous in meaning, which often can also confuse the audience, getting them into the somewhat mad state of mind that Hamlet is in, another example that illustrates this is for instance: ‘you are the queen, your husbands’ brother’s wife’ that Hamlet says when talking to Gertrude, which not only serves to highlight the morbidity of the union of Claudius and Gertrude but also makes a paradox out of a fact, which serves to further blur the factual world of the outside and the paradoxical inner-world that Hamlet primarily resides in, which serves to further perpetuate the idea that Hamlet is in fact mad and not just play-acting, which he is clearly not capable of –switching roles like the actors have – which would explain the spiteful language that he uses when condemning the players such as: ‘monstrous’ and ‘horrid speech’. Additionally, in his encounters with characters like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (of whom he didn’t know were spies) Hamlet’s general mood despite changing: he is much more amicable towards the two men, then people whom he is spiteful towards such as his mother, Claudius and Polonius, still retains its air of madness, in both the language that it contains and the rhythm of the line. For example, he proclaims to them: ‘I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw’ in Act 2, Scene 2, Line 402-403, this which is seemingly a clever jape, aimed to show Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that, he (Hamlet) knows they are spying on him, and that beneath his ‘antic disposition’ he is perfectly aware of everything around him, on the other hand the completely offbeat comparison between a ‘hawk and a handsaw’, whose similar sounds no doubt brought their jux-ta-position in Hamlet’s head despite the inappropriate comparison, in addition to the weird repetition of ‘north-north’ in the direction and allusion to something as unpredictable and flimsy as the ‘southerly wind’ can suggest an internal disorientation, which could also reflect an internal perplexity in the construction of his intended jape towards Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, and thus, an element of madness and disorder within his mind, which makes this intended clever remark about how he noticed that they were spying on him, into more of a joke on him, as the way it actually comes out of his head, would not make sense to the audience/reader.

 In conclusion, Shakespeare clearly intended to portray Hamlet as a multi-facetted character pertaining of many different identities and moods, which often appear erratic and baffling to both the recipient (character dialoguing with him) of his speech and the spectator/reader of the book, yet not so obvious as to make it clear that he is mad. Shakespeare further confuses us by having Hamlet proclaim that “As I perchance hereafter shall think meet to put an antic disposition on”, which leads the reader to constantly question when he is pretending or actually being mad, putting the reader in a similarly maddening and blurred disposition as Hamlet, which therefore makes it increasingly difficult to completely understand him. In addition, Shakespeare’s frequent depictions of Hamlet’s noble and admirable qualities such as his need to consider his moral responsibility and role, in addition to his sometimes selflessness, for example when he warned Polonius to keep Ophelia way from him, and warder her off on the grounds of being multi-faced, which he himself is, further mares the image that the reader developed of Hamlet, as he is a lot like the paradoxes in his dialogues: both selfish and selfless, both lucid and mad. Therefore, my overall view is that Hamlet is overall still pretending, but his inner-fight with his inactivity and procrastination in exacting his revenge, is driving him closer to madness, but not in the conventional sense.  

[cloudycrystalkpop]

L.U.C.K.Y. | Decade

pairing: Lay x doctor! reader

summary: L.U.C.K.Y au | after years of research you put into your work, and the amazing feats Subject 10 was capable of, your superiors didn’t value, not only your work, but the life of your Subject.

warnings: gender neutral reader, character death

words: 1.4k

notes: so, i hate to say this but i feel the need to. Lay has made some recent political statements i personally don’t agree with. however, regardless of them, i still wanted him to be a part of this story, as i feel the world of this au is at a great loss without him.

~

your fingers were beginning to cramp from the amount of typing you had done. they had given you two days notice. after all of the nights you’d spent, off the clock, desprity trying to show how foolish they were being. how much potential he had.

but it had all been pointless. they still wanted to pull the plug.

he had the potential to cure cancer, but they saw him as useless. just because he was “weak”. they were foolish.

the kindness of his voice and the gentleness of his nature was not a weakness, it was humanity. something they never saw their subjects as.

you let out a shaky breath, trying to blink away the intruding thoughts. no, these subjects were just that. it didn’t matter that they were men, they were to be the future. tools to end wars.

but you began to question your superiors. they didn’t want a healer on their battle field.

~

12 hours. that’s how much time you had before Subject 10 was terminated. you turned in your notes to the records department, blatantly ignoring the coworkers who tried to make small talk with you.

you briefly glanced at Subject 99’s discharge report from the medial wing. 99 would be fine, you have bigger problems to worry about.

in your brisk walk to Subject 10’s cell, you didn’t even register Doctor C.’s calling for you until she grabbed your wrist.

“hey!” you immediately wheeled around to face the woman. she looked a little disgruntled, and seemed to collapse in on herself at your glare.

“can i help you?” you voice was steady in its intimidation.

“uhm, i had hoped i could speak with you about what happened to Subject 99 yesterday.” the young woman straightened up, speaking more confidently to spite your glare.

“ah yes,” you looked down, pretending to flip through your papers for 99’s report. “you must be referring to where Subject 61,” you glanced up at the woman. “your responsibility, attacked 99.”

Doctor C. swallowed at your continued intimidation. you knew the young woman hated being talked down too, but for her treatment of your Subject, you couldn’t help but feel a bit petty.

“yes, that.” she took in a deep breath, but before she could speak you interrupted her.

“well i think we shouldn’t be surprised by Subject 61’s outbursts. he’s always been quite a bit to handle. but i do plan to bring up with Doctor B. about Subject 04’s involvement.” your voice was sharp.

“y-yes. i intent to ask him for his notes when he arrives.” C. nodded.

“lovely. i do hope you will pass them on to me after.” you pulled the sides of your mouth up into a tight lipped smile, not even bothering to match it with your eyes. “good day Doctor.” and with that, you briskly began your walk to Subject 10’s cell.

~

you scanned your name tag at the door before entering into Subject 10’s cell. the young man was already awake, gently flipping through the pages of a book.

you recalled him speaking about finally being able to read it. many of the Subjects were mostly illiterate, and while 10 still lacked the ability to write, he could now read and understand most of the story book. a child’s copy of Peter Pan.

the handsome young man smiled when he saw you. wishing you a good morning.

“you’re here earlier the usual.” he commented, calming walking up to you, extending his arm for you to take his vitals, same as every morning.

it’s true, you usually attended to Subject 99 first, as he was your main responsibility. you swallowed, you could not tell 10 of what your superiors planned to do to him.

“99 was just released from the medial wing. they took his stats before he left.” you stated. 10 frowned at your words.

“is he alright? shouldn’t you have gone to check on him?” 10’s concern for others was... something the people in this place didn’t deserve.

sometimes, even just calmly speaking with the man, you couldn’t help the guilt you felt that such a gentle soul had found themselves in a place like this.

“i am confident 99 is fine.” you reassured him, taking you stethoscope and pressing it to his chest. he breathed in and out deeply, just as he’d been taught to do.

you felt... some deep twinge of fear. the sound of his heart beating in your ears... was this your last chance to hear it...?

“Doctor... what’s wrong?” 10’s voice was soft and gentle, as always. his hands careful as they lowered yours from his chest.

you turned away from him quickly, placing the stethoscope back around your neck and jotting down your notes.

“i am perfectly fine. it is simply... another day.” you replied. 10’s lips curled into a soft smile.

“i see.” he walked back and took a seat on the small cot he had for a bed. “do you have a blood test for today?” he asked.

“no.” you bit your lip and cursed yourself for the wavering in your voice. 10 tilted his head like a curious cat.

“but it’s tuesday. you always take a blood sample on tuesdays.” he commented.

“...my superiors have...” your voice trailed off, words failing you.

“...it’s okay Doctor.” 10’s words were as sweet as usual. “i know.”

“pardon?” you inquired, finally turning to look at him. what you saw, was the kind, gentle smile on his lips, and tears glistening in his eyes.

“i know i’ll be terminated this evening.” his voice was quieter than usual.

“i- i beg your pardon.” you scrambled to collect yourself, but he simply smiled.

“i’ve known for a long time. don’t worry, no one snitched. i doubt any of the other doctors even know, but...” his gaze dropped to the floor. “an...old friend of mine let me know.”

you were silent. the Subjects had no friends other than each other. and even that kind of interaction was limited and heavily monitored.

“they called him 13. he was terminated a very long time ago.” 10’s voice was quiet, his eyes still glazed over.

you thought back. Subject 13 was terminated only a few days after you had joined the company. out of the other full time Doctors, you had been there the second longest. the senior doctor, was Doctor Z. their sole responsibility was Subject 88. but... you recalled reading something in the records... about a Subject 13.

“13 spoke to each of us before they killed him. i don’t know what he said to the others... but people say his doctor wasn’t ever the same after.” 10 finally looked up, small tears rolling down his cheeks. but... he still offered you a smile.

“he told you... when you were going to die?” you asked. 10 nodded, sniffling slightly and wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

“yes. he was the third Subject to be terminated. and, i’ll be the fourth.” his tone was grave, but he still took a shaky breath. standing, he turned to face you. “will you... will you please watch out for the others?”

your heart broke looking at him. even now, as he talked about dying, rather then trying to think of a way to escape, he was worried for the other Subjects.

“yes. i will find out why, why they do this.” you planted your feet firmly, clenching your fists. 10 smiled softly, gently wandering up to you.

“and Doctor... please don’t let this make you cold. i’ll be okay. go take care of 99. don’t worry about me. just... please, be happy.” you stared at the man, unsure of how to respond to his final plea.

“i...” your voice failed you, as you felt the tears well up in your eyes. 10 wasn’t just wasted potential, he wasn’t just a cure for cancer your superiors were taking away, he was a kind, gentle, selfless person. a human being.

this wasn’t just killing a lab rat. this was murder.

“you have my word. this will never happen again.” the power in your voice surprised even you.

10 smiled at your reply. “before you go, can you help me with something?”

“of course.” you immediately followed the young man, as he pulled out the story book.

“can you tell me what this word says?” his question was full of childlike curiosity.

“...neverland. it’s the name of the place.” you replied. 10 quirked a brow.

“but... how can it be called ‘never land’ if they have to land to walk on the ground?” he wondered. you couldn’t help the small chuckle.

“i don’t know. that’s a good question.”

[kallypsowrites]

I know we talk a lot about stuff the show screwed up from the book and like, I get it, stuff was bound to get lost in translation in any adaptation. But I wanna talk about a few of my favorite show-only scenes:

1. Cersei and Robert’s conversation in season 1

In this scene we have two non POV characters discussing the state of the kingdom and their marriage. We never get a perspective from Robert in the books and nothing from Cersei until book four. At this point in the books, Cersei is a pretty unsympathetic character. We know her relationship with Robert is pretty bad, of course, but it’s filtered through Ned’s perspective.

Here, Cersei and Robert have a rare moment of truce and we get some of the best dialogue in the series. They’re not fighting. They are...resigned. Cersei puts away her hatred of the Starks to admit that Ned is a good choice for hand and she recognizes that Robert shouldn’t have dismissed him. She asks about Lyanna, something she has avoided for a very long time out of spite, because “what harm can her ghost do to us?” Robert admits that he doesn’t even remember what she looks like, which reveals that his “love” for her was probably just infatuation.

And then my favorite set of lines--

Cersei: Was there ever a chance for us, ever a moment?

Robert: No...does that make you feel better or worse?

Cersei: It doesn’t make me feel anything.

Here, two broken people confront the mess of their lives and wonder if they ever had a chance to have something good. But they didn’t, because Robert has always been his stubborn, prideful self and Cersei is just as proud and stubborn. And Cersei is resigned to it. If it made her feel something once, now that feeling is numbed.

When I first saw this scene, a scene between two characters I didn’t particularly like, I was struck by the humanness of it. Humanness we did not get at this point in the books. And it informed how I saw her afterwards. For every terrible thing she did, I wanted to know more about her.

2. Tywin and Jaime

Our first introduction to Tywin in the books is Tyrion. Understandably, Tyrion and Tywin have a complicated relationship and Tywin is always much more of a dick whenever Tyrion is around. In the show on the other hand? We first see Tywin interacting with Jaime.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Tywin is still an asshole in this scene too. It is an inherent part of his character. But it is one of the most powerful character introductions for him, and one of the first humanizing moments for Jaime.

Tywin is skinning a stag in some wonderful foreshadowing of Robert’s death in that same episode. When Jaime tries his usual quips, which we have seen work well on others, Tywin shuts him down because he sees through them. Jaime is weaker here in the presence of his father because even if he can appear unbothered to the rest of the world. And we see how many expectations Tywin puts on Jaime which he does not want, because he is supposed to be the “golden son”.

More than anything, this is Tywin’s grand entrance. For all of the damage we’ve seen in the three Lannister kids, this is the motherfucker they got it from. So many of these kids insecurities and faults trace back to Tywin being a shit dad with the emotional availability of rock. You see this scene and you’re like...ah...yep...this makes sense. And of course, we see how differently Tywin treats Jaime (someone he has high expectations for) vs how he treats Tyrion (someone he has no expectations for).

3. Robert, Barristan and Jaime

I’m sorry but there’s more than one Jaime scene on this list. Obviously like him. But his season one scenes are great on rewatch partially because of what we learn about him in season three.

So in this scene, Jaime, Barristan and Robert tell war stories, mostly on the drunken king’s request. We see that Jaime is not at all fond of Robert but also some of his admiration for Barristan Selmy as he compliments his battle techniques. He starts to let down his walls a bit during this conversation because its talking about what he’s good at: fighting.

Then Robert asks about his killing the mad king and Jaime’s wall shoots right back up.

Robert: What did the mad king say when you stabbed him in the back?

Jaime: He said the same thing he’d been saying for hours...burn them all.

We don’t know the context of this last line but when you rewatch the scene you can see what Jaime is thinking. That he killed the Mad King and saved king’s Landing, but he has only ever been scorned for it. He’s very bitter. And his bitterness shows in the next scene (which I promise is the last Jaime scene)

4. Jaime and Jory

Jaime has a brief conversation with Jory, who tries to deliever one of Ned’s messages to Robert while he’s whoring. We see how Robert makes Jaime mind the door while he’s insulting Cersei with as many women as possible. But despite the Stark and Lannister animosity, Jory tries to make conversation about when they met during the Greyjoy rebellion. Jaime’s wall starts to drop again because talking about fighting is the one thing that makes him comfortable (which is why losing his hand so shatters his identity later). It seems the two men have come to some sort of understanding.

Then Jory brings up Ned and back comes the bitterness! Jaime resents Ned so much for judging him on that day for killing the Mad King and that bitterness all comes to a head later during the street fight. Again, we don’t know why he’s so bitter yet, but it all comes across so well in this scene.

5. Sansa and Shae

Sansa and Shae have many scenes together  and I really like their friendship. The show goes a long way to develop Shae more than George ever did (only to kill her in the same way but...we can’t all get what we want). Her more genuine relationship with Tyrion is okay, but it sours for me with the season four result. But it’s her genuine friendship with Sansa that I love. 

Shae becomes protective. She gives her advice. At first Sansa snaps at her because she doesn’t trust her and she is still traumatized but eventually the two become very close. I like so many of their conversations, especially in season two and three. And Shae never blames Sansa for any part of her marriage with Tyrion which thank CHRIST for that.

6. Arya and Tywin

Anyone who has talked to me for two seconds knows how obsessed I am with these scenes. Because they are...basically the only humanizing scenes that Tywin gets at all. The very smallest bit of vulnerability. I think it really shows how much of a people person Arya is, sort of without even trying. And she really holds her own with one of the most powerful men in Westeros. She’s smart and capable and she manages to slip under Tywin’s nose even though he could have used her as a valuable hostage if he figured her out. He was starting to catch onto her toward the end, but fortunately did not. Good scenes. Love them. Very good.

7. Catelyn and Tailisa

In season three, Catleyn tells Tailisa about the time she made a wreath for Jon Snow. Now I’m a very team Catelyn sort of person. I don’t think she abused Jon so much as she just ignored him. But I think this scene is very telling. Because despite Jon not being her son and also being a potential threat to her own son as bastards often were, despite Ned’s betrayal still being fresh, Catelyn fought to keep this child alive. She prayed for him and he lived. And yes, she didn’t treat him as a son afterwards because it was still a very complicated situation. But I think this goes a long way to show that Catelyn is not the evil, Jon abusing woman that a lot of people paint her as.

8. Ramsay’s new introduction

Ramsay has a great intro in the books, but his intro in the show genuinely caught me by surprise. He seems to be completely helpful to Theon and listens to him talk about his regret. He kills the people who are after him and he seems very genuine. But then, it’s all a ruse. This scene so perfectly illustrates how Ramsay uses mind games to toy with people. I thought the number of torture scenes in season three was excessive, but this one I thought was a GREAT intro to Ramsay.

9. Arya and Lady Craine

A lot of Arya’s Bravos stuff in the show is very meh. But I love her stuff with Lady Craine because it shows that Arya is not the ‘emotionless killing machine’ that the show sometimes tries to portray her as. Arya does not kill Lady Craine because she can see that she is innocent and she does not want to kill people who haven’t earned it. Later on, her kindness drives Lady Craine to help her and they share a scene in the woman’s house. It’s really sweet and it’s nice to see Arya smile again. Beneath it all, she’s still a child and a traumatized one a that. One who lost her mother and father in a brutal way. And lady Craine gives her just a bit of maternal energy again, before dying horribly because Arya’s life is a nightmare. Still, liked this character.

10. Varys and Littlefinger sass offs

Gotta love some Varys and Littlefinger and I do love how they dance around each other all throughout seasons 1-3. They’re the kind of enemies who respect each other but still want to see the other choke. And it also because clear that while one of them is a more neutral figure who doesn’t covet the throne, the other is driving toward it with his ladder of chaos. We got a great sense of both of them in these scenes and it was great.

Look, the show has some messy parts and even some straight up bad ones (thanks Dorne arc). But it also did a lot right and even some show original scenes are worth quite a lot in my mind.

[goat-yells-at-everything]

Final Thoughts: The Witch

*SIGH*

I didn't hate it.

I wanted to hate it. I use to hate it.

I didn't hate it.

I didn't even hate William as a character as much as I use to. Still hate Ineson, though.

My Bias

Let me start off with my bias. If you couldn't tell by now, I love goats. What originally drew me to The Witch that day in Family Video (not sponsored) was, of course, the goat on the cover. After watching the movie I did some reading on it and the VAST majority of coverage about the movie was about Black Phillip. "Fine by me!" I thought. "I'd rather read about the only star that matters here anyway!"

And that's how I learned of Charlie. Charlie was a beautiful black buck with gorgeous piercing golden eyes. There isn't much base information about him but from my own research and knowledge, I beleive Charlie is an Old Irish. Funny enough, the striking horns that earned Charlie his place in the movie because of how large they were are not actually that big by Old Irish standards. These boys can grow some IMPRESSIVE racks. *cough* 

Charlie was not the most dedicated actor on set. If they wanted him to be boisterous and act aggressive, Charlie wanted to take a nap. If they wanted him to hold still and display the calm demeanor of The Devil, Charlie wanted to run around like a kid discovering his legs for the first time. This description didn't shock me in the least. "Thats...thats just a goat?" I thought. "Thats just how they ARE." Goats are like...well, goats are unique animals. While even a cat can be trained with enough patience and the right reward, goats are wonderfully intelligent and MIND NUMBINGLY STUPID animals all at the same time. You look into their eyes and you see the infinite knowledge of the universe AND the mindless empty void AT THE SAME TIME. That is just the nature of the domestic goat. So of course you will never have a goat do what you want it to on the first, second, or even tenth try. If you work with goats in any way, you just need to accept this.

So Charlie, this incredibly intelligent and extremely stupid animal, was on a set of a movie where He was the antagonist in the minds of the characters, actors, and crew. Charlie could have been just fine on the set if the actors had kept their animosity to filming sessions, and most of them did just that. Most of the actors and crew were, at worst, neutral towards Charlie when not actively filming a scene with him. Most of the actors.

Ineson was not among them. Ineson is quoted as saying "From the moment we set eyes on each other it was just kind of hate at first sight." Now, because of their vast infinite nothingness in their heads, goats really aren't capable of "hate at first sight," but they CAN sense animosity from others towards them. Like when your cat knows that your dad hates cats. They just know. So you have an incredibly intelligent moron that weighs just over 200lbs looking at this imposing angry man that was Ralph Ineson and he knows the man does not like him and Ineson has decided that every action Charlie makes is just to spite him, specifically.

It was not the best paring...

By the 4th day of filming, Ineson reported that he was on pain killers for the remainder of the 5-week shoot.

The thing was, the rest of the actors and crew (aside from Eggers but he was trying to direct a goat in a movie so he gets a little leeway) actually recall how sweet and wonderful Charlie was. Anya Taylor-Joy has said that the shoot was a "beautiful" experience. Anna Kilch, a veteran animal trainer, said Charlie was a dream to work with.

So I'm not the biggest fan of Ineson...

The Movie

With that said, what did I think about the movie?

It was...not horrible. In fact, if I put aside my own animosity towards Ineson, it was pretty ok. There are PROBLEMS, no doubt about that, but it was decent.

The Good

The atmosphere was beautiful. It was shot in a quaint little bit of nowhere in Northern Ontario. Pretty sure they put a blue filter over everything but it really did work. It muted all the color and made it all very dreary and damp feeling. In most other situations this would be a major detriment but the overall feeling of hopelessness from the characters was perfectly accented by the misty and drab landscape.

The characters....there were problems but I'll touch on that later. What I liked was how they represented the Deadly Sins.

William is pretty clear. He is the Sin of Pride. It was his pride that had them exiled from their settlement. It was his pride that caused him to lie and steal from his own family. It was his pride that kept his family in a place that was blighted and would not produce anything. It was his pride that made him refuse to see Black Phillip for what he was.

Katherine was also very clear. She is the Sin of Wrath. Her anger at Thomasin for the loss of her infant blinded her to everything around here. It blinded her to Thomasin's innocence. It blinded her to her other childrens sins. It blinded her to how hard Thomasin worked to regain her mothers favor. And, eventually, it blinded her to the avatars of the devil that came to her that dark night.

Caleb, again, very clear. He is the Sin of Lust. Caleb was a bright young boy who was dedicated to and dearly loved his family. He loved one family member a little too much. Caleb lusted after his elder sister. That lust eventually lead him into the arms of the titular Witch as she seduced him with her HUGE....tracks of land... c:

Mercy and Jonas are harder to pin down. Eventually I settled on Envy and Sloth respectively, though I'm not 100% sold on them. Jonas I'm a bit more sure on. His character is fairly one note and all about shirking any work his elder sister tries to give him. I settled for Envy for Mercy mostly because of the scene near the creak. She seemed to envy the attention her father and elder brother gave to Thomasin. Neither one are very strong connections though.

Thomasin didn't really show a sign of a serious sin until the very end. Actually, she almost seemed to embody ALL of the sins in the end after being almost pure as snow for the whole movie. Almost. She displayed minor sins throughout the movie but it made her a believable character. She was a young woman, somewhere between 14 and 16 I'd say. She got angry at her siblings, she wasn't totally focused on her chores, the normal teenage stuff.

However, by the end of the movie, Thomasin displayed nearly all 7 Sins. She was wrathful towards her father. She was greedy for her mothers love. Black Phillip's offers display Gluttony (Butter) and Envy (the Dress). She was certain that she was right in all of her actions, blinded by Pride. She was apathetic once her family were all dead, leaving them all to rot in the elements as she wallowed in self pity. And finally she disrobed and frolicked with the devil in her Lust.

The Bad

Oh yes was there bad.

The sound direction was OBJECTIVELY horrible. What should have been ambient sound effects were too loud, the dialog was WAY too soft, the music was all over the place. It fell well into that nasty hole that Horror has of turning all the sound to soft and quiet before hitting you with a sudden jolt as the action jumps to life. When used well, this can elicit a visceral feeling in the viewer that lets them connect with the urgency of the scene. When used wrong, its just a cheep tactic to get a scare just like jump scares. This REALLY needs to be called out more often in Horror. We all denounce jump scares as cheep and over used and we need to do the same for the auditory equivalent.

The dialog was really hard to understand. I understand the choice considering the setting, but it was the biggest wall that kept me from enjoying anything the first time around. By the nature of Old Low English, words would blend into one another and become almost gibberish. Its a very lovely language to read, but a chore to listen to. I put on subtitles this time around and was able to follow the story much more easily. I would absolutly advise putting on subtitles while watching it.

The ending was the weakest part of the movie aside from the sound issues. I mean the very last scene. Everything leading up to that was actually very well done. The way Thomasin goes to Black Phillip and demands he talk to her. The way he offers her everything she could ever want. How you see both the hope and defeat in Thomasin when Black Phillip began to talk to her. It was clear he was the one who set in motion the cogs that ended with her families death but they were all victims of their own sins in the end. She saw his power over their insignificant lives and was crushed by his seeming superiority to the Lord she had been raised to love. At the same time, she saw the power he could bestow on HER, a clear tangible power unlike the "story" of Heavenly Power that she never saw physical examples of.

To end on the scene of this naked woman, no longer the innocent girl burdened by heavy trappings of modesty, walking into the woods with the black billygoat hot on her heals would have been so powerful. Just cut to black right there. You can even still have the witches chanting as it cuts to black and the end credits fade in.

But they decided to take it one step further and it did NOT help the ending. It was just too over the top with the naked women writhing erotically around this fire. When the camera turns back on Thomasin and she begins writhing and moaning and laughing and you see her rise into the air, maybe its just me but it took away the power of that sure confident woman walking into the woods.

It just feels like a step too far and would have been much stronger if they'd just left that part out.

The G.O.A.T

The best part was still Charlie.

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

A crown grows out his head,

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

To nanny queen is wed.

Jump to the fence post,

Running in the stall.

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

King of all.

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

King of sky and land,

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

King of sea and sand.

We are ye servants,

We are ye men.

Black Phillip eats the lions

From the lions' den.

[regrettablewritings]

Can you do m'baku? I just FINALLY saw Black Panther and I love him.❤

Oh, hell yes, I love me some M’Baku!! But I just need to put a disclaimer because for as much as I loved Black Panther and its characters, the story is so heavily rooted with politics that unlike with most other stories, removing the smallest aspect or moving a bit too far off can lead to, well, catastrophe (after all, this is Tumblr). So even as a black person, I’m a little nervous. But I tried my absolute best with this, researching not only the tribes and characteristics in-universe, but also the groups from whom they took inspiration from (Jabari = Bari/Dogon, Merchant Tribe/Masu = Tuareg people). However, I’m still not going to vouch for myself and instead encourage everyone to read works from other, more skilled and knowledgeable creators (esp. black fanfic writers because we definitely need more credit).

Anyway, without further ado …

How differently do they think of each other now compared to when they first met?: You were there the day of King T’Challa’s coronation and because of this, you were there to witness the might of the Jabari’s leader and finest fighter. As a result of watching the giant headbutt the prince bloody and essentially insult all of Wakanda for their technological progress, you felt you had every right to assume that he was little more than a hot-headed conservative who perhaps only stuck to the old ways out of spite. But you’d said nothing when his efforts in the civil war against your king’s usurper earned him a seat in theTribal Council – after all, what right did you have to question the king? You weren’t even a part of the Council yourself! At least, you weren’t at the time.

It was only after your elderly mother had fallen ill that you found yourself assuming her position: The Tribal Council’s representative for the Masu people, or the Merchant Tribe as they were commonly referred to. You had been bred to take her position in due time, spending your life understanding what and how to keep Wakanda’s economy afloat as well as delving into the world of Wakanda’s more artistic expressions of culture. But being that this included clothing and jewelry (and that you were youthful), M’Baku couldn’t help but suspect you of potentially being vain, or even air-headed.

He, of course, understood the hypocrisy of such abelief, given that he himself was one of the youngest members present, but at least he was not the one showing up to his first meeting, dressed in anything-but-modest clothing that could almost beconsidered royal regalia. Though he had to admit to himself: You looked stunning, donning the Merchant Tribe’s traditional purple color complete with a perfectly flared gele. Completed with the right accessories, and you were a picture of beauty with glowing, brown skin, your head held high to exude confidence rather than how nervous you actually had felt. Unfortunately, it was a façade M’Baku seemed to see through easily (or perhaps he acted in a manner simply to vex you). He was not afraid to “hide” snide remarks assuming your competency in his comments, earning your complete irritation and glares that matched temperatures of his mountains.

Nervous or not, you were not going to let someone doubt your capabilities. In a calm but certain manner, you managed to speak clearly and express input that reflected your upbringing as a leader of the people. This caused M’Baku to speak right back. Until eventually, it just felt as though the two of you were talking together rather than being a part of agroup, something which the Mining Tribe’s leader lightly scolded the two of you for. As much as you could feel your cheeks burn from embarrassment, you still felt you had proved your point. Given that the following meetings after your first went without M’Baku’s previously scathing remarks, it appeared so.

As the subsequent gatherings of the tribe leaders went by, so did you further your interactions with those present. This, of course, included M’Baku. A lot more of M’Baku, really. Mainly because in due time you began to realize that he wasn’t as terrible as you thought he was in the beginning.

To your surprise, M’Baku wasn’t nearly as hot-headed as he appeared to be – far from it, in fact. True, he had the capacity for ruthlessness, but it was only when he became provoked that he displayed his warriorlike tendencies. Otherwise, he was a perfectly calm and thoughtful man. You dare even say playful, given the opportunities where he would taunt T’Challa lightly. And while he was still quite patriotic and preferred Wakandan tradition, the fact that he’d accepted a seat with the decision-makers of the nation suggested to you that maybe there was wiggle room inside of him for some changes. You quite liked that.

And what M’Baku liked about you was that you weren’t even close to being dimwitted. He regretted ever taking you for face value once he got to know you better because clearly you were more than just a pretty face. You proved yourself through and through to be a hard worker, someone who cared deeply for not only her people but for the people of Wakanda as a whole. You strived to assure the country’s economic stability and to help become part of a whole that was meant to maintain balance. But even aside from your work ethic, M’Baku kept finding more to love about you: How you composed yourself in public as silk hides iron, while in private or when relaxed you were far more playful; how your stubbornness matched his in some ways (which could also be a pain in r if he were being completely honest); how you took the arts so seriously and studied various designs and forms to assure that Wakanda experienced no shortage of creative expression, even going as far as to ask to learn Jabari methods of wood art.

Needless to say, you both wound up surprising one another by proving that looks could be quite deceptive.

What do their friends/family think of their relationship?: It should be said that everyone was quite surprised when they learned that the Jabari leader courting the Merchant Tribe’s newest leader wasn’t, in fact, a rumor. You two were something of an odd couple after all. Sure, M’Baku wasn’t necessarily the most brash man in all Wakanda, but most people wouldn’t know that because most of his appearances in public prior to becoming a member of the Tribal Council included him bellowing at the top of his lungs about his distaste for Wakanda’sreliance on Vibranium, or him boasting of the Jabari tribe’s might. And while not everyone had gotten the best idea of you due to your newcomer status, you composed yourself as someone who was comparatively calm or, at the very least, sweeter and humbler in terms of character.

The Tribal Council was surprised to see the two of you getting ng along so well, though the eldest of the elders were able to quickly determine the situation, sighing with the uncertainty of what to make of it. T’Challa can’t quite believe that his new friend put the moves on the Council’s newest member – and actually succeeded at winning her over. And he’s not afraid to voice this, using his own jokes to combat M’Baku’s (much to the Great Gorilla’s annoyance). Once Shuri gets overthe initial shock, she gets to work on feeding you memes and Vines you can useto confuse your boyfriend (which you gladly utilize [“WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSE?!” “I HAVE TOLD YOU, THEY ARE WOODEN SANDALS MADE BY TRADITIONAL JABARI CARPENTRY!!”]). And as for your mother? You’re just glad she didn’t keel over right then and there. You took it upon yourself to let her be the first to know about your relationship, rather than let the rumors get to her first. While she appreciated the honesty, she still couldn’thelp but sigh heavily and shake her weary head and mutter something along the lines of, “Bast, help me.”

The Jabari, likewise, display some hesitancy towards the union. After all, Jabari and traditionalist were synonymous whereas you hailed from one of the tribes that utilized mainstreamed Vibranium. Frankly, it took a bit longer for enough of them to grow to accept the situation, even when considering their trust in their leader’s decision. Some still don’t quite approve or have doubts in the compatibility but it’s not even their actual concern. (Not that they can even voice their disgust over the matter: Who would dare badmouth M’Baku’s beloved besides someone with a death wish?)

How do their personalities/skills complement or contrast with each other?: Oh, there’s plenty of contrasts between the two of you, the biggest one being r stances on Wakanda’s future and its use of Vibranium in day-to-daylife. An orthodox Wakandan, M’Baku has always preferred the ways of pre-Vibranium Wakanda whereas you found yourself in support of a more technologically-driven country. (How he reacts when he learns that the wood the Jabari have utilizedfor centuries was simply a wood-based Vibranium is a completely different story entirely.)  You guys also present very differently, with M’Baku’s appearance promoting intimidation and reliance on physical strength, and your appearance being that of a lady filled with grace and gentleness (don’t worry, though; he’s definitely teaching you how to fight like a Jabari warrior). If there had to be a more westernized equivalent, itwould probably be best summed up as the gruff biker/fighter with the girly girlfriend dynamic.

However, the both of you blend together through your mutual care for your people and wanting to assure that they’re taken care of. You are both also stubborn in your own ways, though his is usually applied to conserving the old ways of the country whereas you use yours to get things doneand to stand by your decisions. Similarly, however, you are both willing tostand down when absolutely necessary (though M’Baku will put up more of a fight).

What is their favorite aspect of each other?: You adore the type of leader that M’Baku is. He cares deeply for his people, even if his actions may sometimes depict foolhardiness. Much like T’Challa, he feels no need to distance himself from the people he’s sworn to protect: He frequently interacts with them and is willing to joke with them (though not everyone is into his sense of humor). Additionally, you love that in the end you know he’ll do the right thing. Sure, it’ll probably take him a moment toget some pouting done, but ultimately he will decide what’s good. Case inpoint, his last minute and dramatic decision to help out during the Battle of Mount Bashenga.

It may seem a hint self-indulgent, but it makes M’Baku beam with pride over how willing you are to learn more about the Jabari than even previous Merchant Tribe leaders had. Sure, most of your curiosity stems from an interest in how they do woodwork and their style of art (wood and rock-based as opposed to the more metal-centric contemporary Wakandan style), but you managed to really impress him when you actually insisted that you come to Jabariland yourself to personally observe the processes. Not just any person would do that, and he certainly didn’t expect somebody who dressed or looked like you to willingly face the freezing temperatures for it. But the moment you arrived, dressed in the warmest clothing you had and wrapped in a thick blanket for extra measure, he knew that you were one determined person whom he’d love to mess around with and even respect.

Once you put your mind to something, unless it’s absolutely necessary, you’re not likely to change direction. He loves how your dedication drives you to explore even the most misconstrued of Wakanda’s societies because it reflects an open mind and a determination befitting of the can-do woman that you are.

Do either of them have pet peeves about each other?: Once you recognize that his dedication to tradition is an important part of his respective culture (and even then, he appears to be slooooowly allowing for leniency), it honestly boils down to that sense of humor of his. More specifically, how he doesn’t always take things seriously unless he feels it benefits him to. T’Challa once told you how after he recovered from his coma and spoke to his mother, M’Baku actually yawned. And when T’Challa requested the help of the Jabari when confronting Erik “Killmonger” Stevens, M’Baku’s first instinct was to joke about it despite it being a time of peril. Sure he decided against it in the end but the fact that it took him as long as it did to do so frustrates you even in hindsight! You can’t always tell when he’s being serious because he likes to throw jokes allthe time. Sometimes, he goes a little too far and may hurt your feelings

To your irritation, M’Baku’s own irritation regarding you still links to the biggest divider between the two of you: Your relation to the modernized use of Vibranium. Once the joking is aside, he gruffly complains about how you wouldn’t last a week on your own without Vibranium. This, of course, earns your ire with you snapping at him, “That’s what happens when technology progresses: We integrate the tools into our lives, you fool!” Only this just winds up exhibiting another pet peeve of his: Your sensitivity. It’s not to say that there aren’t more demure members of the Jabari, but M’Baku and his tribe have certainly gained an image for themselves by being a group composed of hardened, silver-witted people who weren’t afraid to take insults aimed at them and throw them down into the dirt where their enemies would soon lay.

He sometimes forgets why you can’t always do the same: Because you’re not him! Unfortunately, if one of these things (or – Hanuman and Bast forbid – both) pop off into an argument, things get said: Accusations of him being a giant child, cruel and merciless; criticisms of you being a little girl trying to act grown with her clothes and only appearing to be calm when she’s actually terrified of leading. Needless to say, it’s never a good time.

How would each reconcile with each other after a fight?: Wakandans,no matter what tribe they hail from, hold their women to high honor: They are scholars, healers, the shamans, the defenders, and anything they so desired to be. It was therefore a bit of a source of anxiety in M’Baku’s gut once he calmed down and realized that he hurt your feelings. Leader or no, he doesn’t enjoy the prospect of causing your discomfort of any degree.

And considering that you hailed from a highly matriarchal tribe – a tribe which you were now the official leader of – and he had just accused you of being incompetent, he really doesn’t sit on his anger for too long. In fact, the longest he’d ever sat on the situation had been during the first real fight the two of you ever had, near the beginning of your relationship. This had been because he spent most of that time scowling in his private quarters, muttering to himself that he was foolish for trying to believe that anything could work with a Vibranium-obsessed betrayer to Wakandan tradition. He’d angrily pray over and over to Hanuman for forgiveness over his mistake. But, as though the gorilla god himself had put the thoughts there, all M’Baku could soon think about was you: How you weren’t actually a bad leader, especially considering that you were new to the position; how you actually put in a lot of effort in whatever you did, even in the arts; how even that sensitive nature he scoffed at was actually a blessing to him at times because it could usually keep him grounded; how angry you were when you left …

While most arguing couples meant that they would be going out for a walk or into a different room when they said they needed space, you and M’Baku had the simultaneous luxury and disadvantage of having your literal own domains to return to when experiencing the heat of an argument, with you residing in northern Wakanda and M’Baku in the mountains. This made communications slightly more difficult than the average couple, what with theJabari lacking the technological tools that would allow him immediate contact with you. Even still, when the two of you first started dating, he figured that perhaps the Merchant Tribe leader would enjoy gifts.

He had fish native to the rivers surrounding the mountains tains salted and sent to you, wooden necklaces carved by the most nimble fingers, and so on. It honestly took a depressingly long while for it to click with him that you had enough things; what you really wanted was an actual apology.

Since then, he’s learned much better. If you’ve left back home, he will give you a day or two or even three, depending on how bad the fight was. That way he can organize his thoughts while giving you some space. At the end of the waiting period, he’ll finally arrive to your home and offer you his utmost apologies, even so much as getting down on one knee and bowing. You usually just go sit down elsewhere, telling him to get up already, which he does, only to sit down next to you and attempt to braid your hair (or comb through it if it’s short). If you let him, he knows you’ve forgiven him insome way. He’ll spend as long as it takes making it up to you: Comforting bear hugs , praises, him doing your hair for a month, you name it! Anything to get back in your good graces.

Thankfully, this uncomfortable nature of his applies even when you’re the one attempting to apologize first. This makes it rather easy to reconcile because all you usually need to do is approach him with a heartfelt, meaningful apology… . And maybe some praises.

“I apologize for insulting the great and wonderful Lord M’Baku, who leads his people to a bright future, and his beloved into warm, safe arms” usually does it (even though he knows you’re rolling your eyes). Complete with a hug, and he’s on the road to being completely content again. But if you want to accelerate it, then keep praising him and touching his biceps and commenting on how strong he is. Also, you earn brownie points by loosening up a bit during meetings or when the two of you are with T’Challa –nothing makes M’Baku laugh more than when the two of you tag-team T’Challa with jokes at his expense. (T’Challa doesn’t particularly like it but it’s not as if Shuri’s mockery hasn’t prepared him for this. Besides, it’s better than enduring another painfully uncomfortable meeting sitting between two angry adults throwing verbal acid at one another.)

Pro tip: If you’re not into vegetarian dishes, something you can honestly do that will bring him actual delight is to eat the same meal as he does. M’Baku knows that you’re not as big of a fan as he is of herbivorous dishes so it fills him with joy to see you put that aside to make him happy. Of course, once you’ve finished that, he’s more than happy to quickly call the cooks forward and ask them to bring you something more to to your liking (assuming you haven’t gotten full on what you’d already eaten, of course).

What would be their ideal vacation getaway together?: Being the isolationist that he is, M’Baku has no interest in seeing what other places are like.“Besides,” he states proudly, “I cannot imagine a place more beautiful than Wakanda.” You knew there was some truth to that, but the itch of curiosity still beckoned you to at least try. You’d look up cityscapes on your Kimoyo beads, occasionally inquire T’Challa or Nakia about what other places were like. You wanted to see what else the world had to offer: The sights, thesounds, the tastes. Then there was, of course, the art out there. So many different mediums and jewelries and designs that were a part of nations different from Wakanda, ideas that you were sure the people here would love to know more about!

… And then that jerk just yawns it off. He’s not belittling your joy, far from it! (He notices that when you talk about the arts, you practically glow and it’s just the cutest thing in his eyes.) But, as stated before, everywhere else is subpar when compared to Wakanda. In every way, apparently. But you’re not giving up!

Think of a new way (AU, different situation, etc.) they could have met for the firsttime: (So this segment was inspired by/taking place in the universe as seen in Black Panther: The Young Prince by Ronald L.Smith wherein middle school-aged T’Challa and M’Baku are sent to Chicago to pose as students from Kenya and essentially go into hiding for their safety while trouble brews back home in Wakanda. Their aliases are T. Charles and Marcus respectively. Also there’s some bully named Gemini Jones whom M’Baku kinda gets friendly with and … Yeah whatever.)

Going natural shouldn’t have been a big deal in a school like South Side Middle, what with its predominately black student body. Of course, given that even an urban school in Chicago wasn’t deprived of Eurocentric beauty standards, there were still some specificities. Braided hair was the closest go-to. Occasionally somebody might tease their hair a bit or wear Bantu knots. But no mistake could be made: Extensions and relaxer were king and queen with keratin reigning as their child.

You didn’t know what you were thinking when you decided you wanted to start getting a relaxer. Actually, scratch that: You knew what you’d meant to do. You wanted to have pretty, silky, easy-to-brush-and-comb-through hair. Hair that could be pulled into a ponytail during PE. The type of hair that the writers in the fanfictions you read talked about whenever your fictional crushes would “run their fingers through your smooth tresses.”

Unfortunately, that was most of what everybody thought of having a relaxer: Straight, beautiful hair that could blow gracefully in the breeze (well, as gracefully as it could in the weather of the Windy City). Despite the fact that it was pretty important, nobody ever seemed to want to talk about the potential damages of having a relaxer. You got off lucky, with years and years of chemical treatment only resulting in your hair being damaged. It was only as you stared in horror at your broken locks that you’d been told about the chemical burns to the scalp that you’d managed to dodge.

Regardless of the outcome, one thing was for certain at this point: The Big Chop was in order, and you’d have to start growing your hair from scratch.

You stared at your reflection that Monday morning, eyes tracing over the more defined shape of your nearly bare scalp over and over. You hadn’t been this lacking in hair since you were a baby! Your father tried to perk you up, calling the little whirls of curls on your head cute.

“Natural hair’s making a comeback,” he insisted over breakfast. Your mother offered you a consoling smile from his side but it did little to nurse your worries into more positive thoughts. You were frantically trying to recall if you knew anyone at school who’d experienced The Big Chop already. Surely somebody have to have done it by now! But as you kissed your parents goodbye and made a solemn walk to the bus stop, none came to mind. And judging by the snickers and stares of students already on public transit, whom you recognized from one class or another, there was a reason for that.

Not long after you plopped yourself down in a seat as far to the back of the bus as you could, a girl from your grade grinned back atyou. And not in a nice, consoling way like your mother had: It was taunting,brutal.

“Girl, what is goin’ on with your hair?” she hollered. Her seat companion poked her head over the seat.

“Lookin’ like your hair runnin’ from your head,” she dared to add.

As the two of them laughed, you could feel your cheeks searing. Not just with embarrassment, but with anger. It was funny how actual attempts at encouragement did little to make you feel more at peace with your new look, but anger sure did the trick! Because now, you were going to own this look just to prove those little turds wrong! … But in the meantime, you were just going to slouch in your seat

++++++++

The determination lasted as quickly as it came. It evaporated within five minutes of entering the school, the time it took for you to navigate the loud, crowded hallways to get to your locker. In spite of the hustle and bustle of the corridors, there were plenty of eyes set on you and plenty of expressions that obviously made the thoughts behind them clear: What the hell was up with your lack of hair?

And it just kept getting worse: From the first period teacher who drew attention to your new look withthe innocuous exclamation, “Joining Team Natural, Ms. (Y/N)?”, to the taunts from Jason Honorlaw and Tyrese McIntire before the bell for second period rang, to your third period teacher scolding at you for breaking dress code by attempting to wear a beanie cap. By the time lunch rolled around, all you wanted to do was hide both you and your awful hair.

+++++++++

Outside was chilly with Chicagoan October air. And considering that it had been a particularly damp and dreary day, it wasn’t exactly ideal to freeze your buns off by sitting on the metal bleachers by the outdoor basketball court. However, being that this was the only place where you could get away with wearing your hat, you stilled your complaints and huddled the best that you could into as small of a ball as possible. You weren’t the only one out there to your dismay, but you were hoping that the few people outside would remain too distracted e game of basketball to actually give you the time of day.

Unfortunately, it was not to be.

The jarring clatter of the basketball flinging into the section of the bleachers beside you startled you enough to lose composure. You failed to regain it by the time one of the players jogged over to retrieve the ball. And what was worse: He knew you. You could see it in the way he stopped his apology short, replacing it with a sinister smirk.

“Hey, look, it’s the short-haired shawty!” he called out to his friends. You cringed, hearing the patter of feet near you.

“What’re you talking about?” inquired one of the boys.

The first one clarified, “(Y/N) got a bad haircut. Look!”

Before you even had the chance to register what was going on, the cold air nipped at your scalp more than it ever had in all the years your hair had been thicker and longer. You gasped with mortification, hands flying up to cover what the boys could already see.

“Give it back!” youcried, making a shaky attempt to swipe your hat back. But the damage was done.

A chorus of “Damn”s and “Oh, snap”s rang into the air as the group of boys leaned back. Some with hands totheir mouths but all with widened eyes. Well, save for one: The tallest of them all.

Gemini Jones was worth avoiding for a multitude of reasons, the least of which being that he was, well, a witch boy. Because no matter what people insisted upon or what you’d heard, that sort of thing needed proof. No, the biggest reason to keep out of Gemini’s awareness was that he was a bully. That needed no proof. But as he grinned down at you, eyes twinkling in the worst of ways, you knew you were going to get it anyway.

“Dang, girl, you look like you rolled in with Africa and Marcus with that hair,” he taunted.

You scowled. “Leave me alone, Gemini, I just want my stupid hat back.” Another swipe, another fail.

“Hey, no need to be rude,” Gemini snarled. His eyes traced around your face and then back at your hair. “Civil Rights hair-lookin’ .. .” he muttered. Your eyes narrowed so hard that you swore you triggered spasming in one lid.

“I said,” you hissed through clenched teeth, “to leave me alone.” Suddenly the stinging in your cheeks could no longer be supplied by the wind; it had to be from the blood burning in your cheeks. You didn’t care that Gemini had at least a head on you; part of you felt that if you aimed just right, you could catch his jugular. At that moment, Gemini clicked his tongue with irritation.

“Whatever,” he muttered. He turned to address his entourage. “C’mon, man, I’m tired of looking at her, she’s no fun.” Some huffed with despair over not having the chance to throw their own jabs at you. But none wanted to speak against their leader.

As they walked away, heading back inside, you heard one last thing: “Hey, African Sister: Catch!” But how anyone expected you to catch a tossed beanie was anyone’s guess. Or perhaps that was the point, being that it plopped unceremoniously to the ground, warranting the whooping and hollering of the boys as they watched a look of despair spread across your features.

And finally, you were alone.

You grimaced as you eyed the beanie. It acted like asponge as it soaked up moisture from the ground. It warranted you picking it up using your index finger and thumb, as if it were trash.

“Oh,” you sighed shakily. The heat from before was suddenly denly gone, along with every spark of fire in you. You plopped back down to your seat, not caring that the cold metal bit through your pants and into your skin; all that you could think about was the hurt you felt, the embarrassment that wasn’t going to go away until your hair grew back and maybe not even then.

“It’s … not that bad,” you heard. You once again found yourself jolting in your seat. Apparently you hadn’t been entirely alone after all; it appeared that one other person stayed behind after Gemini and his goons backed off.

You couldn’t say that you knew Marcus; more like you knew of him. He as a broad, chubby boy, one of the two who’d come as exchange students from Kenya. You’d also heard that he was unsurprisingly good at wrestling but surprisingly good at basketball. That last part made him a golden goose in the eyes of the school’s basketball team, particularly to team member Gemini. So the fact that he had chosen to not only stay behind, but also offer you a compliment about the very thing you’d been mocked for all day surprised you to say the least.

Though if that were the case, then it was probably a trap. And you weren’t falling for it.

“Shut up,” you muttered, trying not to sound pouty. Unfortunately, the glare you sent his way didn’t help.

“No, I’m serious,” Marcus shook his head. “Back home, hair like yours would have been considered perfectly normal. Beautiful even. Not that it’s not pretty he –” He stopped himself short. You couldn’t tell by observing his dark cheeks, but you could certainly determine it by his body language otherwise: Marcus was, indeed, blushing.

You weren’t sure what possessed you to buy into it. Perhaps you were just that starved to hear one good thing about your mistake of a hairdo. But you leaned in anyway.

���T…The strongest women in Waka – Kenya,” Marcus gulped, “have hair like that. To the point where many consider it a symbol of strength. Or deserving adoration.” He bit his lip and cast his eyes elsewhere. The evidenceof him blushing was still very much present. “You shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. I don’t think.”

Your lips parted even though you had no words to spare. How could you, with the way you realized your heart was beating in your chest. The cold disintegrated with a reborn burning in your face. Only for e time all day, it wasn’t out of anger or humiliation.

“A-anyway,” Marcus stammered. He scratched his arm, though you suspected it didn’t actually itch. “I just thought you should know that.” He paused for a moment. “See ya,” he said unceremoniously. His gait as he walked away seemed to be a bit rigid.

And then you were finally and truly alone.

You ran a hand through your hair, your fingers brushing against your scalp and occasionally bumping into a tight curl. It was kinky, coarser than how it’d been when it had been picturesquely relaxed. It wasn’t the sort of hair talked about in fanfiction or even the course load literature you kept getting assigned for English class: It was your hair. It was the hair of somebody who deserved to be adored.

++++++

You weren’t entirely certain what exactly had occurred. For the rest of the day, the taunts didn’t seem to be as venomous, or even all that common. Maybe the jokes had run their course. Maybe (but unlikely) Marcus had put in a word with Gemini and somehow that spiraled? Probably not. But some part of you dared to wonder if, perhaps, it had something to do with the way which you composed yourself for the rest of the day. Or even the rest of the time your hair was so short. Because after that confrontation outside, even when Marcus wasn’t around, you carried your head high. You were a warrior, but you were going to hold your head up like a queen keeping her crown from tumbling.

To which, once he realized what was going on, M’Baku confirmed to himself that he’d found the one thing about America that he really liked that wasn’t junk food or attention. And, ironically, it was the one thing that reminded him of home the most.

[killianmesmalls]

In Defense/Support of KnightRook

First, this is not in response to any particular anon that has come through the inboxes of those who happen to be like-minded about this season of Once Upon a Time, but more general thoughts of why I in particular truly appreciate KnightRook, both as a unit and as individuals, and why I believe others appreciate them, sometimes more than the previous iterations of their characters. This is not to say that I do not appreciate Storybrooke Killian—he is still absolutely my favorite SB character, I still ultimately ship him with Emma, and I sincerely hope his fictional little self is happy in his fictional little life.

Below the cut are some thoughts on what I’ve personally noticed in these past thirteen episodes that helped turn me from largely ambivalent to Alice/Tilly and the-pirate-previously-known-as-Wish Hook.

Clearly, I have thoughts on Alice Jones. If you’ve come to my blog at all since I started it after 7x08, you’d know this for a fact. To be honest, she wasn’t someone I was thrilled about in the first few episodes of season 7. I believed her being Killian’s daughter as too obvious (the chess set in the hospital was so blatant it felt like too much at the time, though now I love it) and thought they were pitching her too hard to be a wild-and-crazy potential villain or just the token headcase character. However, starting a bit in 7x04 and progressing through to now, I am thrilled to have been proven wrong. I have loved the Alice character since I was little, from the original stories to the Disney cartoon to all sorts of terrible TV shows and movie offshoots. Rose, her dynamic with her fellow actors (mostly notably Colin and Bobby), and the writing of her character have endeared her to me as my now-favorite version of Alice.

Depiction of Mental Health We're in a time where there's constant overstimulation, we're never allowed to shut off, we don't know how to tune out, and then there's a culture of self-medicating, rubbing some dirt in it, and walking it off. Our media still does a poor job of showing even conditions on the “lesser” end of the mental health spectrum to the point when one show gets it right there’s a sense of shock from the community that endures those same symptoms having them finally depicted well on TV. For instance, when Randall was displayed having a panic attack in a realistic manner on This Is Us, it was worth discussing and had several articles devoted to it. There’s a celebration in someone “getting” it.

Which, considering the fact that, due to the above reasons, so many of us suffer from depression, anxiety, insomnia, addiction, etc., the lack of many of these being handled with honesty and sensitivity is both mind-blowing and sad. I believe Alice, or at least her HH counterpart Tilly, help to show another character with mental health issues in a realistic and, largely, positive light. Though we don’t know fully what she’s been diagnosed with in Hyperion Heights, and we do know some of what even she’s led to believe about her condition is made up in order to keep her under the curse, we can still see her battling with conditions not unlike anxiety or schizophrenia. In the Enchanted Forest, she is shown to “see the world in a special way,” which we have yet to get fully fleshed-out details on, and to behave in sometimes eccentric ways. While I doubt we’ll see a concrete diagnosis for anything she has, either as Alice or Tilly, I believe based on what we’ve seen we can at least takeaway that those with the above conditions can find some solace in having a character like her on their screens.

In addition to how they handle her behavior, never overly hamming it up or calling it out like she needs to be put on display, we get the reactions of others. Rogers/Killian never seems to invalidate her feelings. In the EF he says she has a special way of seeing the world. He doesn't, again, call her crazy or invalidate her feelings. In fact, just the opposite, he believes in her fears and does what he can to help. While he does brush her off as Rogers when he's focused elsewhere, he doesn't call her crazy, ask her repeatedly if she’s on her medication, or otherwise treat her with kid gloves. He uses her own terminology in HH (her "upside down" thinking) and doesn't point to her mental health as a sign of evidence that she could be guilty of anything.

Which, considering the state of mental health issues and the gun debate in this country, I feel is a topic they're handling in a very subtle way. Perhaps unintentionally, and maybe I’m reading too much into it, but when the current topics for debate are how everyone with mental health issues are a problem and how to deal with keeping them away from others or away from weapons rather than acknowledging that mental health issues, like many other things, are on a spectrum (or, I suppose, a series of them), and immediately pointing to them as evidence for why someone did something terrible instead of looking into other factors, I feel like showing the interactions between her and him in both the EF and HH are important. He knows she thinks differently from others, but in no way is that an immediate indication that she is a danger to herself and others, even when one takes into consideration the fact that her “upside down” thinking had her shooting Weaver.

Now, yes, they can add to this, expound on why he feels such a trust in her in spite of that previous incident, but just seeing someone who thinks “clearly” trusting in her enough to not immediately place blame at her feet in spite of what others would see as evidence against her is refreshing and needed in this current climate. And, yes, I feel like people are going to call me out for saying how refreshing it is to see Tilly believed to be innocent in spite of her mental illness and then for me to compare it to the gun debate vs mental health awareness when she did, in fact, shoot Rumple. However, she was asked to do that and, arguably, did it then in her more "right" mind, so there’s going to be a lot of “if” and “or” involved in any back-and-forths there. The point here is to address the well-handled aspects of her “upside down thinking” and how others can relate to it and its more realistic portrayal than other forms of entertainment have displayed previously.

Single Parent (Shock! Single Dad) Then we get to the fact that it's not really discussed in depth the fact that Killian is a single parent and had all the struggles that came with it. I could be wrong and am open hearing out if I am, but I feel like single parents aren't really handled on non-overly-dramatic TV shows often, and certainly not often showing a single father, let alone a single father with a daughter. I still recall comments to a friend of mine who was raised by her father, and all the comments he’d receive by women about how incapable he was in raising his own daughter (a then-toddler), to the point where they didn’t trust him in dressing her or bathing her.

We have an issue in a lot of cultures of pretending like men don't know how to take care of children or take care of housework, boys will be boys, and we perpetuate these stereotypes. Seeing softer, nurturing men is an absolutely needed thing. Bigger points for it being a formerly ruthless pirate because it's not like you can take the next character that comes to mind (for some reason for me), Newt Scamander in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and say "well, he's arguably on the spectrum and more effeminate." The next one to come to mind is Danny Tanner, the widower from Full House, who was teased for his “mothering” ways and even then had two other men in the house to help with his three daughters because “IDK how parent?” No, Killian is plenty traditionally masculine (guy-liner and leather pants aside), and yet has, thus far, shown himself to be perfectly capable to also be a nurturing, loving, supportive father. Completely on his own, to boot.

Killian didn't have anyone, and as much as I love the fluff of KnightRook, I also think it's important to remember how difficult it must have been for him to have raised her while isolated. He had Liam as an influence, but Liam could only parent so much. His childhood was traumatic and arguably abusive in various ways, so he couldn't use any of that to model his parenting off of, his father abandoned him, and he only had so many memories of his mother, I'm sure, considering how young he must have been when she died.

Yet, with the lack of a parenting influence, we see that Killian managed to raise a well-rounded, polite, patient, and brave little girl. Killian managed to do all this in an extremely confining environment with no doors, no bathroom, and absolutely no privacy. After all, there is only so much a curtain can do. Even with these uncomfortable truths, there is no hint of embarrassment with Alice, no strong sense of shame, and she genuinely seems to be close to him even with this occasionally uncomfortable living space. He got her dolls and wooden swords, she had all sorts of toys that could be for boys or girls, and, please, no one come at me about how she's a lesbian and he forced her to dress like that—for all you know, she enjoys dressing like that and I don’t condone dressing for a stereotype. Anything regarding her preferences is conjecture.

Yes, I know he made a mistake in choosing to duel with Ahab, but his reasons for doing so (for better or worse) have been discussed a number of times in some very well-thought-out metas, and honestly most of it is speculation. Gothel mentions it’s for his pride, Killian doesn’t deny it, but there are arguments to be made for him hearing the Dark One’s voice behind him telling him to go one way and Ahab insisting on the other, using Alice’s name against him. Also, one mistake does not a bad parent make, and it certainly doesn’t negate all he did in raising her to that point. I’m sure we’ll see more of the fallout from his decision, but honestly the punishment is cruel and unusual for the crime.

And, yet, for now there is proof he keeps trying. In spite of the threat on his heart and, arguably, his life, he continues to try to get back to Alice and to right his wrong. I’m sure we’ll see just how much he tries in upcoming episodes, hopefully the next one, but for now I’d like to believe he repeatedly attempted to fix his mistake and make it up to Alice. Again, until anything comes out, it’s all conjecture, but I do believe the foundation is there.

Additional Notes/Reasons/I Just Love Them, Okay? The dynamic between the two of them has been absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking to watch, and both Rose and Colin have brought their A-game for this season. Both as Tilly and Alice, Rose has shown a character with so much heart yet so much pain, who attempts to do the right thing and be a good person but is often unfairly robbed of the same kindnesses thanks to her awful mother and further reasons I’m sure that will be revealed later. Colin has performed an amazing (and, I’m sure for him, fun) balancing act between revisiting “Old” Hook, getting to walk in the footsteps of a new version of the character he played for the better part of five years, and getting to play a character in our world who is so dramatically different from all versions of Killian he’s been handed since season 2. Though the change of pace and storyline was initially jarring to me, I agree with Colin that (timelines aside) this has been some of the best writing I’ve seen on Once.

Witnessing Rogers struggle with various temptations and trying to be the man he wants to be, trying to find these missing pieces in his life and gain some sense of self while helping others has also been bittersweet. I have such a soft spot for this cranky, gullible sweetheart. He’s offered to help Rumple in his quest to be reunited with his wife in spite of the many reasons given to him not to fully trust his partner (Weaver has also been a breath of fresh air, but perhaps more on that another time), he’s developed friendships with Sabine (YAAASSSSSS), Henry, and Regina, all of which I am enjoying immensely.

SPEAKING of friendships, this is a Killian that has bonded with people in various ways outside of his true love. Based on how close he is to the queen of that realm, another queen (that he has a history with), and arguably a prince and maybe princess, I feel like I’d be shocked if he weren’t part of some royal court with how much he’s around. He’s being given little things like pats on the back, supportive looks, reassuring words, and it’s refreshing to see that happen. It’s nice to see them support his quest to get his daughter back and also support him as a person. Honestly, his friendships, both in the EF and in HH have been a breath of fresh air. I loved Captain Charming, I still do, but that basically started to feel like his main friendship once Smee was out of the picture (SMEE! Ugh, that might be another rant) and still, clearly, David was going to care for Emma more. It’s natural. It makes 100% sense. Still, it’s a little sad knowing that the only person in Storybrooke that would put Killian first is…. Honestly, I don’t think anyone would. Emma would rightfully put Henry first, Killian never thinks of himself, and everyone else is holding hands with everyone else while the world ends.

I just think Killian was a side character in another more prominent character’s story for so long that he occasionally became more a prop for her happy ending than his own person. I still love him. I always will appreciate so many parts of who he is and what he did, but in this season Killian seems more part of an ensemble than a side character. I suppose if we’re going to reference back to more pop culture references, and these may be poor which I’m sure someone out there is going to harp on and point out, but seasons 2-6 was like seeing Katniss with Peeta in the Hunger Games series and season 7 feels a little more like Harry Potter and its main character but stronger group adventure. In 2-6, he didn’t really have his own story, just a part in Emma’s. And that, sometimes, was fine. But along the way the writers forgot that even side characters need their own moments and nuances and to be treated as if they’re at least the main character in their own story that isn’t being told to the audience. Season 7 Killian is like part of a trio that clearly has things going on, on the side free from what otherwise may be the main story arc.

IDK guys, is there a main story arc anymore? Maybe that’s also why I like season 7 the most. There isn’t one prophecy with one savior with one goal and everyone else has to help with it. No one is hope or light or whatnot. Everyone has a part in each other’s happy ending, and it’s been amazing to see the different ways Alice and Killian play into each other’s, their own, and everyone else’s.

If anyone has further thoughts, including polite disagreements, that’s completely fine. However, due to the habit of some I’ve seen, please be sure you’ve read through the whole thing (I know it’s long) before sending an ask informing me of how I feel through your lens. Also, do not make assumptions based on anything you don’t see clearly written. Finally, if I choose not to engage with you, don’t assume it means I think you’re right and I’m hiding. I might just choose, for my own sanity, not to engage. 

[cogentranting]

Here’s my breakdown of what I thought was going on with each member of the team in 6x09:

Oliver: I don’t think Oliver was wrong for spying on the team. Plain and simple. He knew one of them had betrayed him. He had no idea why or to what extent and he needed to find out. Spying on them was good option. Confronting them instead may have been able to show them who the witness was, but it also stood a good chance of yielding no results and costing him any chance of actually finding out who it was (because after that conversation spying wouldn’t work, because the witness would no not to do anything shady). And Dinah showing that she was lying to the team did make her the most reasonable suspect. Especially because she’s the one who Oliver is least acquainted with. They’ve spent very little time together, much of her background is still a mystery and she’s the newest member of the team. 

Then, Oliver jumps the gun and over reacts. He doesn’t have enough proof to accuse her as strongly as he does. BUT Oliver has been hit right in his weak spot. His trust issues. Oliver has been betrayed over and over by so many people. People he knew a lot better than he knows Dinah (or any of the team). And it’s been hammered into him so many times. Trust leads to being locked in a cage to small to sit up straight in. Trust leads to your friends being captured. Trust leads to your sister being stabbed. Trust leads to a the deaths of hundreds as the city is destroyed. And the idea of a member of the team betraying him, tied very directly in Evelyn’s betrayal (Felicity even mentions it specifically). Which is not something far in the past that he’s had time to heal from. Her initial betrayal was a year ago. And the second betrayal from her was something like six months ago. And that second betrayal (5x17) is key because it lead to one of the most traumatic moments in Oliver trauma-filled life: Evelyn’s betrayal is part of what broke him as he’s never been broken before. 

So yes, Oliver overreacted and was too harsh with Dinah. Because he’s scared of losing everything and he’s fighting down all those old trust issues surging up in him. He’s clinging to the few people he absolutely knows he can trust and that alone is huge for him.

And then when it turns out to be Rene he’s justifiably angry-- it’s a harsh betrayal. And kicking Rene off the team made perfect sense. But it also made sense that Oliver would forgive Rene because he was in a tough situation (one very similar to where Oliver has been before) and he made a very understandable choice.  Thea’s advice was really good, and she was right. And I think Oliver knew all of what she was saying already but just needed someone to say it out loud. BUT I wonder if maybe she pushed him to do it too soon. Because Rene’s betrayal is revealed and then he’s back on the team and then he’s off the team again all within about 24 hours. And I feel like maybe, if Oliver gave himself more than a few hours to be angry and betrayed before trying to forgive and work with Rene, then he wouldn’t have blown up at him again. Maybe Oliver needed a little more time to process emotionally.

Oliver’s reaction to Rene’s actions on the second mission are unfair. Rene not listening in the field is entirely different than his choice to betray Oliver. But again, Oliver is reacting out of fear and anger and deeply ingrained trust issues. And I don’t think he was given enough time to process.  He should forgive Rene. But I don’t think he needed to forgive Rene right that second. 

So yes, strategically, spying was fine. His responses to the team were fine in principle but amplified due to his ptsd (which is much better but not gone) to the point where he was not treating them right. Thought it was perfectly in character and I really liked seeing Oliver through it. 

Rene: I love Rene in general and I loved him through this episode. Being pressured in order to get Zoe back makes perfect sense for him and even though he made the wrong choice it was completely understandable. Rene alone among NTA didn’t have a problem with the spying because he knew it made sense and didn’t stem from a general lack of trust; it came from a very specific situation and the proof of a betrayal from one of them. He also was completely accepting of the consequences of his actions-- he wasn’t angry when Oliver kicked him off the team because he knew that was what he deserved. And he was humble and grateful for the second chance with the team. His main source of anger and frustration was that Oliver was trusting in his competence and that there was the element of being forgiven on a surface level but having it still held against him. Oliver being mad at him was fine, but not letting him do his job on the team was not. And even then, he really only left because Oliver made him. His actions and reactions were mature and completely suited to the situation. 

Dinah: I felt that Dinah was a little unreasonable. Being mad at someone suspecting you of betrayal when it is a known fact that there is a traitor and when you  have been caught lying and going behind the team’s back with a known criminal, when there is currently no evidence against any other team member, just seems like... “how dare you not trust in spite of everything pointing to the idea that you shouldn’t trust me”. If you are acting suspiciously and people get suspicious, you don’t really get to be mad at them. Now clearly she wasn’t the traitor and she should defend herself and I can understand it stinging a little bit. But it’s not nearly enough to make her completely lose faith in who Oliver is, and it certainly isn’t understanding of Oliver’s point of view, the position he’s in and the emotions behind his actions. And normally I would have expected more from her. I don’t actually think Oliver let her down in any significant way that would change the way she felt about being a part of the team. 

Now, if I step back and try to figure out what would cause her to overreact, in much the same way as Oliver’s history is causing him to lash out, I can kind of begin to grasp where she’s coming from. She’s feeling isolated- Vince is getting in her head, undermining her belief in Oliver and the team. She has a lot more insecurity than she lets on so the idea that the team might not fully trust her shook her a lot. Her reaction is very emotional and her judgment is somewhat clouded by her doubts about who she is and who she puts her trust in, awakened by Vince’s return. I also think her pride was hurt just a bit. 

Curtis: Curtis’s reaction was even more unreasonable. Because really the only thing done against him was the spying thing. And honestly, if Oliver and OTA just generally kept tabs on NTA, then I would feel that Curtis’s reaction was justified. But spying on the team wasn’t random suspicion. It only came about because Oliver completely had trusted the team and then it was proven to him that one of the team had betrayed that trust. And if it had been over anything less than the complete destruction of Oliver’s life then maybe the invasion of privacy would have warranted this reaction. And as someone very rationally driven, I would have thought Curtis would understand the need for Oliver’s actions. If anything it seems that Curtis’s anger would have to come from “why didn’t you trust me more than Rene and Dinah?” Because again, Oliver KNEW that one of the tree had betrayed him, so being suspicious of Curtis just means he didn’t elevate Curtis over the other two. And his indignation about the three of them being trusted less than Diggle and Felicity is really just an unrealistic expectation: yes, Oliver is going to trust his wife more than you. Always. He is going to trust Diggle, his best friend/brother, more than you. Always. and that’s not due to a lack of trust in Curtis/Rene/Dinah, that is a testament to the depth of his trust in Diggle and Felicity. 

But with Curtis they did establish a level of vulnerability to him in this episode. In the wake of his divorce he’s questioning everything about himself (he told Rene as much) and he’s really looking for stable relationships to hold on to. So the spying and the suspicion threatened the stability of his dynamic with the only real people he has right now. I doubt he would have left on his own, but when it became a choice between Oliver/Diggle/Felicity and Rene/Dinah, he chose the side that felt more stable and accepting of him. 

Diggle: Diggle is of course going to back Oliver: Oliver is the leader and the one in danger so he’s going to back his calls. And Diggle is aware that if there is a traitor it has to be one of NTA (because he knows its not him and it’s just absurd to think it would be Felicity). So the suspicion is going to be there. And he doesn’t really believe that Dinah is guilty [ and sidebar- that’s part of what led to the spying. Diggle Oliver and Felicity DID trust the team. They didn’t believe any of the three was capable of this. Which is why they have a hard time figuring out who was the witness] he doesn’t believe it’s Dinah but he goes with what Oliver says because Diggle doesn’t trust his own judgment right now, due to all the questionable choices he’s been making and the stuff he’s been going through. So he just follows Oliver in this case. 

Felicity: Felicity is very similar to Diggle, but in place of the self-doubt, you have a lot of fear. Felicity just said, her greatest fear in life is losing Oliver. And now someone is threatening to take Oliver away from her, possibly (likely) forever. So she’s going to do everything she can to try to figure out who it is so she can stop that and save her husband. So she’s prepared to spy, and she’s prepared to turn her back on whichever team member betrayed them. 

Really I don’t feel like any character was fully in the right or fully in the wrong. The episode was a really good character study. Each had their own particular vulnerabilities in play, either established in the episode or earlier this season. And it lead to this very real tension and emotional conflict. It was the kind of conflict that splits a team and I think that ultimately it’s not going to need to be Oliver apologizing to the team or the team apologizing to Oliver. It’s going to be all six of them working through their issues together. And it’s really going to cement them as  a family and prepare them to face the villain team. I like the way they set it up and I’m excited to see where it goes. 

[gascon-en-exil]

The interminable generation war of the Pokémon fandom is not something I’m inclined to wade into, not least because I am one of those strange individuals who play the games in part for their stories and worldbuilding. As reliably underwhelming as those attributes of any given game in this franchise may be, it’s nonetheless evident that Gamefreak puts some effort into elements of the franchise that aren’t competitive tournaments or Battle <name of building>s or gimmicky mini games. Sometimes. 

As such, in the spirit of my modest contributions to the FE and Zelda fandoms on this blog and as further proof that I am capable of judging aspects of video games aside from the desirability and inferred sexual prowess (or lack thereof) of their men, here follows my current opinions on each of the regions of the main series...so nothing about Orre or those Ranger spin-offs or whatever. And yes -  regions rather than generations, so the remakes will be grouped with their originals.

So. Very. Blaaaand. As with Archanea from Fire Emblem and the NES Zelda games I can respect the historical significance of the Kanto games; hell, unlike FE and Zelda I was actually following the series back when RBY were in their prime...and yet they are so unremarkable. Kanto feels utterly devoid of distinctive personality despite appearing in all of the first four generations, and even today there’s really nothing I can say about it beyond the relatively realistic villain team and the emphasis on modernization in contrast to Johto. Supposedly, anyway...it’s more like Kanto cares less about historical preservation which I suppose is probably the closest these games comes to commenting upon the real world inspiration for the region. Combine this with a contentious roster of Pokémon - some are great and still hold up today, some are meh, and almost all of them get disproportionate amounts of exposure and new toys in later generations, for better or worse - and an infamously loud fanbase wearing some very thick nostalgia goggles and you’ve got a setting I have no interest in revisiting. I absolutely wouldn’t put another round of remakes past GF, though 

(But having the protagonist and his rival hook up in their later years was a nice twist.)

Not much more developed than its predecessor, but the Johto games benefit immensely from throwing in Kanto as a bonus (sort of) postgame region, both for the aforementioned contrast and for the additional content. Sure, the level curve is kind of screwy, the Pokémon could be better (Johto has my least favorite starter line-up, for instance), and Kanto feels half-formed in Gen II, but it’s not bad for what it is. I like that these games are set three years after the first ones, in that it conveys a sense of the passage of time - something that would only get more vague as the series progressed. I’m not much interested in the nods to Japanese culture and folklore strewn throughout Johto, but at least the region is identifiably Japanese. Also, the implementation of elements like a day/night cycle and days of the week appeal to me, even if in practice they’re more annoying than anything else. And I know the entire internet agrees with me, but HGSS did substantially more for Johto and Kanto than FRLG did for Kanto. That’s kind of sad, honestly.

While I’m bringing up remakes, I would however like to disagree with most of the internet and say that ORAS were good remakes - good enough to where I could actually finish Alpha Sapphire when the original left me so unimpressed that I actually stopped playing the series outside remakes until Gen VI. The beloved Battle Frontier (which doesn’t seem all that interesting? Someone explain the appeal of this thing to me) may be missing and you can’t re-challenge gym leaders and various other things you can only do in Emerald, but on the flip side the story development is much improved and better paced - yay for convenient cutscene warping - and the Delta Episode provides a decent postgame capstone. What’s more, Hoenn is absolutely beautiful in the remakes, looking as lush and tropical as it ought to and no longer bogged down with water routes that are a slog to traverse or much backtracking. Soaring is a wonderful addition as well that shows off the region and cuts down on HM usage, and the DexNav is excellent for reducing the tedium of catching them all (or some approximation thereof when stupid things like event legendaries and untradeable-on-GTS version exclusives still exist).

I haven’t even mentioned the villain teams. I know full well that Tumblr is ahead of me on this one, but they are so gay. I picked up the gayer version with Matt outright professing his love for men (somewhat ruined when you consider that he’s talking to a ten-year-old...ick), but via extensive research *ahem* I’ve learned that Omega Ruby has its moments too and that Teams Magma and Aqua are best enjoyed as a pair. Their goals may be patently stupid, but they all learn something at the end of the day and can go home and have an orgy together. I haven’t even mentioned the Steven/Wallace subtext one of my mutuals cued me into, which is sweet revenge indeed for Emerald fanboys whining for years about femme Wallace with his predictable team becoming champion in that game. It’s enough altogether for me to forgive the game for constantly teasing Brendan/May - because obligatory heterosexual romance doesn’t have to wait for a little thing like puberty.

The only region for which I can’t really give a full assessment. I started a playthrough of Platinum on emulator, but the game felt so slow and clunky that after the second gym (which I’ve read is an especially dull and pace-breaking stretch) I couldn’t bring myself to play any more. I’ve watched speedruns and video reviews of this game, and they’ve only confirmed my initial opinion and caused me to hope that most of Sinnoh’s copious issues will be addressed in the inevitable remakes. The over-reliance on HM slaves (poor Bidoof...), unintuitive region layout, periods of severe environmental slowdown in the form of marshlands and deep snow, and other factors do not appeal to me at all, and while I know Platinum fixed this particular problem I assume that the Diamond and Peal remakes will not have to contend with a limited roster as they did. The characters could do with some work as well: Barry seriously needs to calm down, I still don’t know how to feel about Fantina (will she be Kalosian? What about in the Japanese and French versions where she’s apparently from an English-speaking country?), and Cyrus really doesn’t work as the charismatic leader he’s built up to be. Say what you will about the Hoenn villain teams or Team Flare having idiotic goals, but at least I can say what those are. I still got nothing on Team Galactic caring about Prof. Rowan’s evolution research or stealing energy or what have you. Sinnoh is severely in need of a second - or third, I suppose - draft. 

Confirming that Volkner and Flint are a couple would also be nice. Just throwing out ideas.

When I downloaded White and Black 2 for emulator I didn’t expect to be very impressed by these games. Unova is the MURICA FUCK YEAH region, as we all know, and I shouldn’t have to point out to my regular followers that that fact alone would be enough to unfavorably prejudice me against the place. And yet, in spite of that, it works for me. A big part of that is that Louisiana is absent from this loose celebration of the US as interpreted by Japan; there’s an oil baron dressed like a cowboy, a Californian or Hawaiian surfer bro, a gay (or straight hipster, hard to tell these days) artist with a loft gym in Castro the Village Castelia City, a Southern mammy for some casual racism that was actually too casual for international release, counterparts to Coney Island, Broadway, Hollywood, and American sports, and numerous Pokémon like the Trubbish and Vanillite* lines inspired by the shallow consumerism that passes for culture in the US, but nothing representing my own stubbornly French state. I’m actually warier about the bizarre attempts to insert bits of medieval and early modern Europe into the region via PETA-by-way-of-the-Knights-Templar (what) Team Plasma and the trio quartet of legendaries based on les Trois Mousquetaires. Did whoever came up with those not get the memo about where the series was going next?

With that said, although I’m not as enamored with N as some people his characterization was if nothing else a step up from anything that had come before. While Ghetsis and Plasma make no damn sense aesthetically until the sequels they are intimidating villains who raise serious questions about how humans treat Pokémon...that are naturally never considered in their full complexity because friendship or something. As I stated with Johto I do like the sequel model of region development since we get to see how Unova has changed over two years. I also appreciate the season mechanic that only appears in these games for lending some variety to the geography, though in execution it’s kind of a pain.

*But hey, I’m thankful at least that this is I think the only region that lets you catch (decent) Ice types before lategame. I will absolutely take the ice cream with a face.

Perfect, or rather just imperfect enough to perfectly capture the essence of France and its culture in this silly world of fantasy cockfighting. Unashamedly biased I may be, but as Kalos gets a lot of hate online I feel the need to push back against popular opinion a bit. X and Y were in my opinion the first games where GF really went all in on characterizing a region, because everything from the preoccupation with aesthetics (Character customization! Dog Furfrou grooming! Petting and pampering your Pokémon! Meticulously kept jardins à la française! Serious philosophical discussions on the fleeting nature of beauty! Team Flare...ok, never mind, they’re kind of dumb) to the discerning restaurant culture to the general ambivalence toward glorious and gloriously wasteful institutions like monarchy and their lavish châteaux feels so familiar to me. And how could I forget the Fairy type, a type tailor-made to vex the sort of posturing bro gamer sorts who somehow maintain their bro-ness while openly playing Pokémon. Could any region but Kalos have delivered that so beautifully? Well, now that I think about it, are the Japanese aware that the French are characterized as feminine in the English-speaking world? Regardless, I could go on, but this post is long enough as it is.

As I said before, Kalos isn’t entirely without flaw. Team Flare might be a hair less ridiculous than Team Galactic, but that isn’t saying much. The troupe of rivals, such as they are, aren’t much better, and others like Sycamore and most of the gym leaders are woefully underutilized. The Kalos Pokédex is overstuffed, and while I enjoy its subdivision into three regions that not-so-coincidentally recreate the Tricolore it is nevertheless a pain for those who like to fill up the Dex as they go along in a game. The developers were still clearly learning how to deal with the camera in a 3D space as is evident in certain areas like Lumiose, and certain features like the roller skates are awkward to use. Not the Exp Share, though - call me a lazy casual, but that thing makes team-building so much easier and actually incentivizes doing so rather than just relying on one overleveled Pokémon with good coverage to solo everything. Oh, and we never got a Pokémon Z, or more importantly an extension of the map that would include southern France. Poké-Gascogne, please, Game Freak.

Really, it’s hard for me to criticize X and Y because I quickly come back to everything I love about the place. I’m actually replaying X right now, inspired as I was by this project and lacking anything else to play before USUM comes out next month. Speaking of which...

I may not have any personal attachment to Hawaii, but I have to give GF serious props for taking the best gameplay and worldbuilding elements of Kalos and replicating them on an even greater scale. Alola is a vibrant and extensively-realized setting for a game, and I’m not even taking into account that we’ll be getting an AU version of it or something like that in the upcoming games. Sun and Moon fascinate on their own with their deep characterizations that touch on such surprisingly dark topics as child abuse (in a variety of forms) and the failure of community and, er, social programs, or whatever you’d call the Island Trial and the whole sending-ten-year-olds-out-to-enslave-wild-animals thing this universe has going on. 

There aren’t really any duds in the cast, either: Kukui is drool-worthy, Guzma and the rest of Team Skull are thoroughly silly and also thoroughly sad, most of the kahunas and trial captains are entertaining in their own ways (special props go to Nanu, Kiawe and his hiker boyfriend, and Acerola the fallen aristocrat who’s entirely too perky about it), Lusamine is a demented mother figure so of course I find her compelling, and Hau...taught me what a malasada is? It’s basically a Portuguese beignet, from the sound of things. Lillie is the real star however, and I don’t understand why some fans criticize the games for making the story more about her than about the player character. One of the biggest drawbacks of silent protagonists, and especially silent protagonists that never emote, is that it’s difficult for them to be a part of character-driven storylines, and in a first for the series unless you count N in BW Sun and Moon are exactly that kind of story. Lillie gets a voice and a distinct place in the world and in the lives of the other major players in the narrative, and she has a development arc that follows along with but stands independent from the standard one followed by this protagonist and all others in this series. Meanwhile, the player character...is from Kanto, and is Kukui’s cousin, and Kukui is probably fucking their mother. That’s pretty much it.

I’m a little less enamored with the Ultra Beast plotline as it’s a little too sci-fi for me, and Aether’s presence and purpose in Alola feels unexplored, but there’s still a chance that USUM may woo me on either score. I’m fairly indifferent on the Mega Evolution vs. Z-Moves argument, and I can take or leave Alolan forms - except Ninetales *pets* - but SM made one substantial gameplay improvement I absolutely adore and will hate to see be removed from future games: ride Pokémon. No more HM slaves, yay! Compound that with surfing between islands and some new areas and they’ve sold me on the next games. If the story is as radically different as trailers seem to be promising I can only hope that it’ll be just as engaging as the first time around.

So, if I had to provide a tl;dr by dint of a simplified ranking, it’d probably go as such:

Kalos > Alola > Hoenn = Unova > Johto > Kanto = Sinnoh

I’d expect Sinnoh to get bumped up a few notches in remake form, but otherwise that’s about right.

[cancerinscorpio]

I wrote to my favorite advice column and this is what I said and she said.

Dear Polly,

I feel like a strange amalgam of various others who have written to you, but nevertheless, here I am. I’m 28, single, and dying from a cancer that is breaking my body and spirit down at an alarming rate. Obviously, so many things about this situation scare and sadden me. But the thing that consumes me most, day in and day out, is the fear and heartbreak of not having a partner there with me through the two or so years I have left or holding my hand when it’s finally time to go. Having been confronted by mortality at a young age, I feel I know more about myself than many 28-year-olds do, and one thing I know is that I am a relationship person. I was in one relationship from age 20 to 25, and another from age 25 to 26, and while neither were perfect, I felt whole and truly like myself in both of them. And it’s not just because I love the feeling of being loved (though obviously I do), but I truly love giving my love to someone else. It feels like the thing I was meant to do, and the reality that I may never have that again is devastating.

Despite the fact that my days are mostly spent in doctor’s offices or lying in bed (or, frequently, both), I do the whole Tinder thing occasionally just for a sense of normalcy and, yes, male attention. I’m okay with most of these dates being one- or two-time things. It’s a salve, sure, but it’s fun, it gets me out of the house, and no one owes each other anything, which means I feel no need to disclose the fact that I’m a ticking, tumor-ridden time bomb. But when I do come across a guy where there’s some real potential (as is the case right now), I find myself both weaving an intricate web of lies to keep things cool in the present and steeling myself for the eventual parting of ways when I either tell them who I really am or break things off before that even happens.

So my dilemma is this: How do I square my desire for a loving partner with my reality as it is? I want to believe there’s someone out there who I could not only open up to about my health but who would accept and love me in spite of it. But that feels like a fairy tale (FUCK YOU, FAULT IN OUR STARS etc.). And even if it’s not a fairy tale, and that guy materialized, I would be wracked with guilt at the idea of even asking someone to get pulled into this terrifying, morbid mess. So, Polly, do I keep chasing the fairy tale? Do I give up entirely? Is there some other alternative I’m missing? Or is the salve the best I’m going to get until things are so bad that I no longer have the physical strength for any of it?

Sincerely,

Dying Girls Need Loving Too, Right?

______________________________________________________________________

Dear DGNLTR,

I’m sure you don’t want to hear how sorry I am, but I am sorry. It’s still dark out, and I feel too small and stupid to offer you anything of value. I always tell people to just show up and be honest when people are in crisis (as opposed to trying to fix anything or unloading their big barrel of forcedly optimistic clichés on top of someone’s head). But just showing up and being honest feels inadequate, too.

I’m sure having terminal cancer feels socially oppressive that way. Particularly in the middle of a sea of feeling shitty and confronting the breakdown of your body and spirit, it must be horrible to watch everyone you know flattened and emptied out and inadequate in your presence. I’ll bet that’s why Tinder feels like a giant reprieve from the heavy looks and the weighty silences of other people. Finally, a bubble of mundane chatter and raw attraction where you can encounter someone without the weight of this absurdly unfair diagnosis.

But I’ll bet there are also people who can show up without feeling inadequate. I’ll bet you know people who bring their best, who relish the chance to be there for you. I’ve been trying to trick one of my friends into hanging out on her chemo days or while she’s recovering. I just feel like I could play the role of a good partner, fun or quiet or barely there if necessary. She questions why I’d want to be there, and I guess I don’t really blame her. Even though I see it as a way of showing up and offering her something I’m good at giving, maybe there’s also a little of the ambulance-chaser, disaster-gawker in the mix for me. Even if that’s a side effect of being drawn to the ugly truth at all costs, it can still feel a little suspect. As with any other personality trait, there are good impulses and bad impulses dancing together there.

If you decided to embrace the fairy tale, this would be part of the beauty and the danger of locating potential partners who wouldn’t run away or be dismantled by the prospect of standing by you to the end. Whether you start to tell people your diagnosis very early or mention it to someone you like, there’s still this question in the room: What kind of person might be willing to be there for you? Would it be someone who’s real and true and recognizes something in you that feels vital to his continued existence? Or will it be someone who loves the idea of himself as some kind of a savior or merciful saint, like the Virgin Mary in Michelangelo’s Pieta?

My suspicions on that front are probably distinctly parental. As a parent, I would want to be there for you all the time. I would want you to have a partner if you wanted one, but I’d also want you to know that I would give you everything I had to give. And frankly, that kind of parental devotion and worry might be irrelevant here. What you’re talking about is sex and romance and devotion and someone who’s in love with you, holding your hand at the end. A parent isn’t a suitable substitute when romantic love is what you’re looking for. Moreover, getting hung up on the intricate web of motives that live in any potential partner’s personality is almost always a mistake. Why bother? Are your own motives pure? Can you distill just the love out of a mix of a million different human needs and preferences and urges? No way.

And should you feel guilty about wanting someone to be by your side, or putting someone through such a potentially difficult experience? Hell no, as long as you’re honest with them. In fact, you can balance your own guilt at putting a partner through this against his guilt for having a perfectly human blend of good and bad traits that make him capable of going through it with you.

Obviously, the bottom line is that you should do exactly what you want. No one is going to argue with that. But I think you’re also wondering if it’s a good idea to focus on this, and if it’s a good use of your time to look for love. Your timeline is condensed, after all. You’d have to tell potential partners and watch them react and maybe run away, and that might be harrowing. That said, posting an honest “I’m Dying” listing on Tinder would attract the ambulance chasers.

I think you should experiment with what makes you feel good. It sounds like you’re into someone and it might be time to tell him. So tell him. You don’t strike me as someone who’s going to be traumatized by the wrong reaction. But it also sounds like you want to keep looking if this doesn’t work out. That’s okay, too. If it feels good to look, look. If it doesn’t feel good, stop. I do think you’d want to watch out for control freaks, who immediately want to sign onto all of it and take over everything in your life. But you’re probably a decent judge of character, having lived the life you’ve lived.

The real question is whether the fantasy of love will be a salve or not. Personally, I’m a big fan of choosing your illusion. I think every big, overwhelming event in life — sickness, kids, marriage, death — demands some suspension of disbelief. Fantasies and fairy tales present themselves to us culturally as modes of escape, but sometimes they’re actually a way of savoring the present; it just depends on how we use them. When I was young, I used my fantasy of love to judge all of my moments alone as Not Good Enough. I’d see something beautiful and think, “If only I had someone here to share this with.” I don’t do that anymore. I savor my life in a pretty solitary way, for the most part. Even though I tell my husband a lot, I never feel my moments alone are less worthy than the moments I spend in his company.

But I’ve dramatically changed my view of how love should function in a person’s life. I value my private perceptions and adventures in ways I never did before. And I guess that even with a partner in my life, I didn’t really feel whole until I landed here, in a place where I could treat my solitary trajectory as a romantic one.

That’s what I want for you more than anything else. I think it could bring your life a lot of joy and warmth to have someone who loves you like crazy and is there for you in spite of all “terrifying, morbid messes” to come. You should pursue that if you believe in that, and you shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed about it. But I also think that you should cling fast to the fact that this is your life and yours alone, and it’s beautiful already in its own rough, ragged way. It already matters. It doesn’t matter more if someone is there with you. It matters now. I want to challenge you to dare to see yourself through that lens, whether you find someone worthy of your love or not. I would hate for your search for love to rob you of what you already have. I want you to be able to take every fucked up, scary, morbid moment and every glorious, divine, irreplaceable moment and every mundane setback and dreary wait and imperfect, faintly satisfying moment in between and add them up to something truly romantic.

I get that this might sound obnoxious. I sometimes talk like this to my friend who’s going through chemo, and even though she’s a skilled novelist capable of capturing the most heartbreaking moments with a few well-chosen words, she’s not into my pep talks. She’s like, “Fuck you, I’m bald and I feel like shit.” Flowery words of inspiration just make her feel worse. So I give her shit and make jokes now. That’s what she likes.

That would also be one of the toughest aspects of having a relatively new partner under your current circumstances. You need someone capable of major shifts in key and tone and tempo. A person like that is hard to find. And even WITH this very sensitive tonal shifter along for the ride, you will still want some space to savor and honor your private experiences. Understanding that your solitary experience of the world is important, it matters, it’s romantic: This lies at the heart of all happiness as far as I’m concerned. And it’s a challenge we all face no matter what our circumstances are. It’s not easy. But happiness, even within the comfort of a partnership, is impossible without it.

I’m not saying you should milk every last drop of nectar from life even when you’re going through hell. You don’t have to overachieve your way through the time you have left. Just try to view yourself and your life through the eyes of a devoted partner whether you find that person or not. Because the jagged edges of who you are, the sharp corners of what you’re going through, even when they’re sad or chaotic or lonely, are everything.

It reminds me of the very first note of Beethoven’s First Symphony. I can’t get enough of that first note, hanging there like a question mark.

Imagine, sitting down to write your FIRST goddamn symphony at the age of 25, and thinking, “I’ll start with a sudden, jarring, unresolved chord in the wrong key! But then it will resolve quietly, and then I’ll add another jarring chord! And my third jarring chord will repeat and repeat, like a slightly sad, haunting question that hangs in the air a little too long!” I mean, what an arrogant, bold, brilliant choice. And even though it’s incredible how Beethoven manages to move so smoothly from that sweet, melancholy question to this lilting, graceful dance through the countryside, followed by a bouncy triumphant conquest, followed by a strange dark shadow where things get terrifyingly morbid and a little messy, he starts it all with this insistent, melancholy inquiry. And the battling themes, with their absurdly conflicted moods, combine to form a kind of rough, uneven attempt at an answer.

But no matter how much comfort it gives us to cling to the last, forceful note Beethoven offers, it’s clear that he doesn’t really have an answer. He wants us to stay close to the question, to hear the grace in those notes, to hear the anguish and the longing there. That’s what those first chords say to me: Even when your life feels incomplete, suspended, unresolved, your task is to relish that imperfect, unnervingly unfinished space as much as you possibly can.

Anguish and longing live at the heart of every life. We are all totally alone in some ways, but we can believe in love and love it like crazy even in our solitude. I might die alone. We all might. The Earth might stop spinning in the next second. Cultivating the belief that every sigh, every breeze, every melancholy, uncertain moment alone matters: This is my work and yours and everyone else’s. These things are tiny and stupid and inconsequential, yet they matter more than words can capture.

I’m still conflicted about your question. I want you to have the fairy tale and live inside a fantasy and live in reality and savor being alone, too. I want you to have everything.

Most of all, though, I want you to know that this world loves you more than you can possibly imagine. I want you to believe that. Even though the most terrifying and morbid evidence would seem to suggest otherwise, the truth is that this world adores you like the most devoted lover. I can’t prove it, but I know that it’s real. When you struggle, the leaves on the trees shudder, the sun weeps, Beethoven’s violins cry, and the spirits of the dead and the living are on your side. We are all living inside the same terrifying, sweet, sad question with you. Do you feel that? That part is not a fairy tale. That part is real.

Polly

https://www.thecut.com/2017/11/ask-polly-im-dying-but-i-want-to-be-in-love.html

[bladelearnt]

REALLY  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.   RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !   TAGGED.  nobody but i stole it from dislcyal   TAGGING. cosmicstardreamer, valilance, mov-lepida, elleonazul, bloodsung if you guys wanna (im not tagging 10 fuck this rule)

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :  keith kogane NICKNAME :  mullet (by lance), keith (general name) AGE :  eighteen BIRTHDAY :  unknown ETHNIC  GROUP :  korean NATIONALITY :  half-galra LANGUAGE / S : english, korean SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  demisexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  demiromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  verse dependent, canonically single HOME  TOWN / AREA :  born and raised in austin, texas, left the state after his father abandoned him CURRENT  HOME : he has no permanent residency. the castle of lions is the closest place to home that he has PROFESSION :  a paladin of voltron, specifically the red lion

PHYSICAL.

SKIN : light skin, slightly yellowed/tannish skin from his korean descent. EYES:  blue-grey, but can sometimes be seen as a faint purple in certain lights. medium sized eyes that end in points with large irises in the middle of them FACE :  a long, thin face that ends in a pointed chin LIPS :   sometimes pouty due to his expressions. his lips arent thick, but they certainly arent thin either. theyre a perfect medium. are often cracked because he forgets to drink or just gets lost in what hes doing. doesnt wear chapstick or anything like that either COMPLEXION : is typically pretty good. keith doesnt get much acne, and if he does, he just waits for it to go away. hes one of the lucky ones. he had more acne when he was in the desert probably due to how much dirt he was suspectible to, but after that things calmed down BLEMISHES :   no blemishes, no notable faults in his skin SCARS :  a scar on his right shoulder from the blade of mamora trials TATTOOS :  none HEIGHT :  177.5cm / 5′10″ WEIGHT :  68.04kg / 150lbs BUILD :  thin frame, but still built strong from all of his personal body training. has a thin waist and long legs. muscled, but nothing too extensive FEATURES :  nothing notable ALLERGIES : none known USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  black hair cropped into a mullet USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  often emits a grumpy or plain expression, but is perfectly capable of smiling and showing other expressions USUAL  CLOTHING : outside of his paladin gear, keith is seen with a half jacket of red, yellow, and white, thats almost designed as a racers jacket, with a black short sleeved shirt, black pants, and red, white, and black boots that come up a little under his knees. he also wears leather fingerless gloves as well as a brown belt with two pouches on their respective sides, his blade hanging in the back

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :  losing the people hes close to (especially shiro, his closest friend and considered brother), being alone again ASPIRATION / S :  defeating zarkon, finding shiro again, finding his family (specifically his mother) POSITIVE  TRAITS :  adventurous, brave, calm(at times), capable, cautious (also at times), committed, curious, dedicated, determined, faithful, fearless, hardworking, honest, independent, loyal, self confident (typically),  skilled NEGATIVE  TRAITS :  annoyed, argumentative, awkward, feisty, grouchy, hot tempered, impatient, restless, risk-taking, skeptical, stubborn, tactless, unpredictable,  MBTI : VIRTUOSO (ISTP) ZODIAC : scorpio (subject to change) TEMPEREMENT :  choleric SOUL  TYPE / S :  The Hunter, The Performer ANIMALS :  penguin VICE  HABIT / S :  crossing his arms, frowning, raising his eyebrow(s), nape scratching, looking off FAITH :  agnostic GHOSTS ? :  definitely a believer AFTERLIFE ? :  yes, but unsure what sort of afterlife it would be REINCARNATION ? : hes on the fence with this one ALIENS ? :  oh yes. even before voltron he believed in these things POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  the voltron force EDUCATION  LEVEL :  high school and military drop out

FAMILY.

FATHER :   the man who raised him in austin, texas after his mother disappeared mysteriously. has a scar on his right eyebrow and speaks in a texan accent unlike his son. left keith one day while he was still a young age and keith feels spiteful towards him for this. it is unknown if he is alive. MOTHER :   a presumed galran woman that keith cannot remember. he still feels close to her, however, and wonders how that can be even if he does not remember her. it is also unknown if she is alive. SIBLINGS :  none known EXTENDED  FAMILY :  grandparents and other family still reside in korean. only keith and his father lived in the united states NAME  MEANING / S :  the name “keith” means “wood” and it is derived from scottish heritage. “kogane” is the japanese word for “gold” HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :   unknown

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  he hasnt read a book in a long long time MOVIE :   alien vs. predator (he hasnt seen a movie in like 500 years let him live) 5  SONGS :  the best of you foo fighters, everlong foo fighters, tonight seether, welcome to the black parade my chemical romance, float on modest mouse (he has also not listened to music in forever. he has a small, old, outdated music player) DEITY :  he believes that theres a god, just not one that has been named in any religion that hes heard of HOLIDAY :  hes always liked halloween despite the fact that he didnt often participate in it MONTH :  he doesnt have one SEASON : summer. he likes being outside, being in warm air, and just being relaxed. hes a chilly person despite being associated with the fire element, so the warmer the better. its also what he grew up in, regardless of whether it was in texas or in the shack near the garrison PLACE : the castle of lions is practically home, so thats where he likes to be WEATHER :  a little breeze, nothing too crazy, warm weather, sunny SOUND :  the people he cares about laughing, comforting voices, the songs he likes SCENT / S :  vanilla, the desert, the smell of summer TASTE / S :  pineapple pizza, spicy curry (spicy food in general), hot wings FEEL / S :  dirt, smooth skin, dog’s fur ANIMAL / S :  dogs NUMBER :  he doesnt have one COLORS :  red, yellow, orange

EXTRA.

TALENTS :  moderate mechanical skills (i.e: he built his speeder), hand to hand combat, survival BAD  AT :  shooting guns (aim), trusting people, opening up to people, conveying deep emotions without being awkward TURN  ONS :  biting, care, confidence, dirty talking, marks, praise TURN  OFFS :  inconsiderate, people who assume, rude, talks too much (he can only handle so much), etc HOBBIES :   listening to his old music player, staring at his gd blade, sparring (especially against the gladiator) TROPES :  "80′s Hair”, “Ace Pilot”, “Half-Human Hybrid”, “No Social Skills”, etc QUOTES :  “We had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!” (to Lance) || “I have to know!” (to Shiro) || “Good kitty” (idk if this means his quotes or ??? so im just gonna wing it)

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 :   oh my god dude i dont know omgg....i mean i like to think i write keith pretty well to canon. Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 :   alksdf im not sure for this one either tbh. i have issues with songs that reminds me of keith because a lot of songs dont remind me of keith Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 :   because i love him. and i honestly just fell for him so fast lmfao Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 :   okay im ngl when i started this fandom i thought that shiro was gonna be my favorite (albeit this was only based on looks, but i digress) but then keith entered that room and i felt a legitimate doki in my chest and it was all over from there Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 :   that one scene where he said the thing abt leaving allura made me kinda :// but i think hes gotten better since then Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 :   i dont think were very similar tbh Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 :   man id hope hed like me i mean im trying my best here Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 :   i have a shit ton of interactions on this blog, before and after that short hiatus i had, so naming them all would be ridiculous, but you definitely see me interacting with a lot of lances. he has a bias towards elleonazul’s lance vwv Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :   i dont rly get insp im just thirsty for keith and have no life outside of school lmfao Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?           A10 :   probably like 2 hours oh my god im not sure exactly but it took a longass time thats all u need to know