#and yes kyle has spit coming from his mouth i think it's funny if he drools

[catboyjughead]

hey guys um how's it going

+ver without person and without the shadows

[ladynox]

The Great New Mexico Fake-Off (2/?)

Summary: 

Michael expands his 'clientele' to his siblings. Jury's still out on whether or not he actually tolerates them.

(Collab’d with the wonderful @beautifulcheat

Read on AO3 or below

The next cake he made was a dark chocolate mint cake, for Max.  He laughed himself sick the entire time he was making it, because Max may finally be dating Liz but that didn’t mean Michael was going to stop making fun of him for being an utter dork.

He walked into the Crashdown a week later with a stupid grin on his face and plopped the cake box in front of Max. “Oh is this from that infamous baker you’re dating?” Max asked. “Yes--No! I’m not dating anyone!” Michael huffed, dropping down in the seat across from Max. “Who’s Michael not dating?” Liz asked, stopping in front of their table with a stack of dirty plates in hand. “Maria told me Michael’s got a not-girlfriend,” Max explained, absolutely delighted in, for once, being the annoying brother as opposed to being the annoyed brother. “Apparently she’s a fantastic baker and he keeps pawning off the cakes she makes for him to Maria, of all people.  Total mystery as to why.” Max gave him a look that told him that there was absolutely no mystery there, at all. “Mikey!” Liz was aghast. Michael’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the use of that nickname.

“Right?!” Max agreed, gleeful. Apparently Max-with-a-girlfriend was just a pain in the ass. “There is no girlfriend! It’s just a client for fuck’s sake!” Michael was not making cakes for Maria so she could think he was a shit boyfriend. It took almost six damn months to prove that he was trustworthy after all the shit he pulled with Lindsay, and even though they’re not dating anymore. He hated the idea of Maria badly about him.That’s not what making those cakes was about. It was about-- He must have been pouting because Liz laughed and ruffled his hair with the hand not balancing the plates. “Give me a second and I’ll grab some plates and silverware. I have to try this mystery baker’s love confections.” “I hate you,” Michael said as Liz walked off, still laughing.

“We’re just teasing,” Max said, probably feeling a little guilty about the teasing. But Michael didn’t pay it too much mind because Liz’s words reminded him of what Sanders had said before.

“It’s something you do for the people you love. Or at least can fuckin tolerate.”

Liz returned a few minutes later with some plates, silverware and coffees, and sat down next to Max. They shared a kiss before Max opened the box. “Ohhhh yes dark chocolate!” Michael was pretty pleased with himself. He’d done a great job with the dark chocolate ganache. Yes dammit, it was ganache. He’d gotten it right this time - completely smooth all around the cake. There was not one bump to be seen. He’d also been practicing piping and made a few basic flowers out of whipped ganache, adding food coloring to make them green. He’d practiced the flowers a few times before putting them on the cake too. He could draw all right in a notebook but doing it on cake with a piping bag was something completely different. They still weren’t the prettiest flowers, to his critical eye. He would not have given this cake to Maria, but for Max? It was more than fine.

“Is that mint?” Max frowned, pointing at the green flowers. Thankfully Michael didn’t have to lie. Liz had swiped her finger over a fluffy bit of flower and popped it into her mouth, to check for him. Michael privately thought that the way Max looked at Liz while she sucked on her finger was pathetic. “No chocolate,” Liz said cheerfully. Max looked like he’d totally forgotten about the cake. “It’s really good too.” She swiped up the rest of the flower with another finger and Michael was starting to worry that the table would rise six inches -- or probably more on-brand and dramatically, every lightbulb in the place would blow.

And normally Michael would be disturbed by that thought, but it did mean that Max was too distracted by Liz to pay attention to the slice of cake being deposited in front of him. He just mechanically took a bite and... “Ugh.” “What?” Liz’s eyes were wide because Max was looking at her with such disappointment in his eyes. Like when you’re playing fetch with a dog and pretend to throw the ball but the dog realizes it. That kind of disappointment. “Not funny, Liz. You know I hate mint.” “It’s not mint!” Liz repeated in response to Max’s withering look. Which Michael is pretty sure is the first time Max Evans has ever looked at Liz Ortecho with anything but blind adoration. Would their relationship survive such a shock? Would Max go home now and flog a Scarlet M on his back?

“Oh my God, Max,” Liz was saying. “I didn’t betray you--” “Et Tu --” “Oh my God Max!” She repeated with more emphasis. Now she was laughing and Max could barely keep his frown in place. Michael grabbed a fork and took a piece of cake from Max’s plate. “No, that’s definitely mint Ortecho.” He grinned.

“You’re a dick.”  Max complained.  “Did you specifically ask your new girlfriend to make this trap of a cake?”

“My friend might have been taking a few pointers.”  Michael grinned.

Liz looked like she was about to tear into him, when her attention was diverted, thankfully, by a new customer.  “Alex hey!”

Oh, crap.

Liz got up, going to hug Alex. “Is it 3 already?” She asked, glancing at her watch. “Let me go see if your order’s ready.”

“Sure.”  Alex was standing next to Michael, suddenly, looking down at them.  “Another cake, Guerin?” he asked, with a raised eyebrow.

Michael just shrugged.  

“Apparently the mystery girlfriend shares Michael’s shitty sense of humor.”  Max said, picking around the mint parts. Michael was going to kill Max for mentioning the girlfriend again.  “Want some?  There’s no way I’m going to be able to finish it. It’s mint chocolate.”

“I thought mint was your favorite?”  Alex asked, picking up a fork so he could try it. Michael tried to perfect the art of staring at him intently but also looking extremely nonchalant. But of course Alex’s face didn’t give much away. He looked like he didn’t hate it, but it wasn’t any sort of pure pleasure, mind blown sort of look.

Liz laughed as she came back with a bag of food.  “Max is apparently a romantic idiot who drank shakes he hated for over a decade just so I wouldn’t be embarrassed.”  She said, leaning down for a kiss.  “Minty.  Stop eating it if you hate it.” “I don’t want it to go to waste.”  Max complained.  “It isn’t that bad.”  The dark chocolate was still very good, Michael knew. Rich and a little cream.

“Don’t take this the wrong way.”  Liz said, running her hands over Max’s hair… and leaning down to punctuate her words with kisses.  “But you… are a weirdo.”  

Alex laughed at them, setting his fork down.  “I’ve gotta go.”

“Lemme ring you up.”  Liz said lightly, pulling away from Max.

Alex nodded.  “Tell your girlfriend thanks,” he said, with a glint to his eye that either meant that the jig was really close to being up or Alex was jealous.

He wasn’t so optimistic as to assume the latter.

But when Liz came back he did ask her, in the most roundabout way possible, what Alex had bought. He still ended up getting an ‘oh Mikey’ look for his troubles. When he finally made her a cake, he was gonna fill it with tartar sauce.

*** Since Alex remained a frustrating enigma, Michael needed to collect more data.  And there was only so much in-person stalking Michael could do, both from a practical have-no-money standpoint and a definitely-gonna-get-caught standpoint. It was time, he realized, to start thinking outside the box, which is why he rolled by Prasong’s restaurant before they opened, during prep time.

“Prasong, my man.”  He grinned at the owner of the Thai restaurant.  

“Guerin.”  Prasong looked wary.  “I don’t owe you any freebies.”  

Michael put on his very best smile.  “I’m not looking for food.  Just looking for information.”  

Prasong looked suspicious, folding his arms, clearly waiting for Michael to spit it out.  

“Rumor has it that Alex Manes comes here once in a while?” The suspicion didn’t fade… it just got thicker.  “I need to know what he orders.” “The hell are you into, Guerin?”  

“It’s just for a project Prasong.  I promise I’m not some crazy stalker.”  

Prasong snorted.  “This is crazy stalker shit though.”  He pointed out.  

Michael sighed.  “Look, I’ll take a look at that fryer of yours for free. I know it’s on the fritz.”  

“Fryer is fine.”  Prasong protested.  

“Your egg rolls last week say otherwise.”  Michael tried to keep the smirk off of his face.  “Kinda soggy, you know?”  

“My fryer is not responsible for you taking too long to eat.” He snapped, then reconsidered.  “But… fine.  You can take a look at it.” “You’ll tell me what Alex orders?”  

Prasong rolled his eyes.  “Fine.  Not my fault if he takes out a restraining order on your dumb ass.”

“Perfect.”  Michael said, turning to go.

“Hey!”  Prasong called out.  “Fryer isn’t going to fix itself.” Right.  “Just getting my tools, man.”  He called out over his shoulder.  It was gonna be a long day.  He hated working on fryers. ***

About a week later, Prasong was in the Pony.  Michael even bought him a beer before grilling him, because he was in a giving sort of mood.

“Bro he's got a boyfriend.” Prasong started, without preamble, when Michael set the beer down in front of him.

Michael rolled his eyes.  “I mean.  For now, yeah.”  

Prasong shook his head. “This is not a good road you're on bro.  I know this kind of longing, but you gotta let it go.  He don't want you, bro.”

”Well I hope you’re feeling better now that you’ve channeled Kyle Valenti during his frat boy days….”  Michael said, dryly, taking a drink of his beer.  

Prasong rolled his eyes a little.  “Oh, like Thai guys can’t be in a frat? Sigma Chi for life.”

“Gross.”  Michael laughed though.  “Fine, can you ditch the bros long enough to give me the information I need or do I need to break into your place later and re-break your fryer?”

Prasong groaned, and looked at him with something approaching pity.  “Look, drunken noodle on the house to ease the pain.”

“No takebacks Prasong.”  Michael pounced on that, because he never, ever said no to free food.  He also wasn’t about to be deterred.  “Now, spill.”  

Prasong sighed, deeply.  “Green curry, spicy, and a beer. They split Khao Tom Mad for dessert.”  

“Great.”  He… honestly wasn’t sure how that was helpful.  Maybe something coconut?  Banana?  No, that didn’t feel right.  He’d have to think about it.  Still, he got a free meal out of it, so he couldn’t complain too much.  “So I’ll pick up that drunken noodle tomorrow?”  Michael asked with a grin.  “My heart is very broken.”

Prasong looked frustrated.  “Anyone ever tell you you’re an asshole, Guerin?” “Every day of my life.”  And Michael didn’t even try to keep the smirk off his face as he clapped him on the shoulder lightly and headed over to the pool tables.

This baking habit was getting expensive, after all. ***

He knew he had to walk a real fine line with Isobel.  She had a great palate, but if he wasn't’ careful, she’d sniff him out like he was Tanqueray, and he was not ready to deal with her nosy sister bullshit.  

But if he didn’t bring her anything, that would be just as suspicious.  Especially after he brought Max something. Izzy’s page in his notebook was filled with things she liked. Sweet lattes, strawberries, everything citrus.  He just had to figure out the opposite of that.  Well, not the opposite in the sense that Max’s trap cake was, but something that wouldn’t ping her as being made for her.

He finally settled on cake pops. Well settled is the wrong word. Settled implied that Michael hadn’t chosen to make Izzy cake pops because he forgot to grease the pan for a lemon poppy cake he was making for Maria. Settled implied that Michael hadn’t been about to scrape the cake into the trash a moment before remembering that Isobel sometimes enjoyed buying cake pops at Starbucks with her overly sweet lattes.

And there was no way Isobel would know that he knew how to make cake pops. Well, he didn’t know. But how hard could it be? He understood the basics. Take a cake, smash it and blend it with frosting. He made a nice tart lemon frosting and spent what felt like eons blending until smoothed. While scrolling pinterest (another secret that couldn’t even be tortured out of him), he was inspired by lemon shaped pops. Izzy, like Maria, was all about aesthetics. The two of them were actually more similar than Michael cared to consider honestly. Trying to roll the dough into lemons was hard though and at first Michael thought he was just bad at it. But then he decided to try sticking the room temperature dough into the fridge for a couple hours. He was very proud of himself when his idea worked. The dough was much easier to manipulate once it was a little chilled.

Michael had no intention of buying fancy straws. He had a ton of paper straws in one of his junk drawers from the Thai place. Prasong was all about the environment. So while the dough was chilling in the fridge, he took some straws and cut them in half. He briefly considered trying to paint them but decided that was unnecessary and he was too lazy for it anyway. Instead he worked on some calculations for his console -- or at least tried too. He found he wasn’t quite in the mood to work on an escape plan. Instead he started watching another cooking show.

Never able to sit still for very long, Michael ended up making yellow sugar crystals with regular sugar and food coloring while watching the cooking show. It definitely made the cake pops look prettier when he rolled them gently in the sugar crystals. And finally with his make-shift ziplock piping bag, he was able to make a couple lemon leaves on each pop. Which -- if he were sharing this with anyone -- he could wax poetic about how much of a pain in the ass that was. At least 4 pops were destroyed in the attempt. But they were a delicious sacrifice. 

*** Michael stopped by Izzy’s new townhouse the next day. It was in town and smaller than she was used to, but Izzy was already well under way into making it her home. This was his second time here and the interior design had already been updated -- new paint on the walls, a couple pieces of new furniture.  The place was already a lot more authentically Isobel than the place she’d shared with Noah, brighter colors, funkier design.  It was good to see.  He’d never really liked that Stepford Wife place she had with Noah.  Though he did notice the snake plant he got her for a housewarming present was, somehow, dying.

Before he could say anything about the plant, Izzy gasped, “I’m finally getting a “not” girlfriend cake!” Michael rolled his eyes, but he didn’t argue. With his annoyingly perceptive sister, maybe it was better for his secret if she thought there was another woman. He put the box on the kitchen counter. Instead of spending too much time eyeing Isobel’s large, comfy kitchen, he went to rescue the plant from certain death. Izzy realized what he was doing almost immediately, laughing.  “Sorry Michael.” “You know I got this for you because you were saying you were interested in gardening.” He said, checking the soil.  Bone dry. “I mean I am but I’ve just been busy with Blaire--” “Ok. No more details.  And honestly, it doesn’t matter how busy you are, all you have to do is like water this once a month!  Also this is a terrible corner for it.  I mean, low light doesn’t mean no light.”  Chiding her, good-natured.  

“I meant to Google….” But she did stand next to him and dutifully listened to his lecture.  

“Just try to be a bit kinder to it.”  He said, shaking his head, eventually.  

“Kinder?” Izzy laughed. “You’re such a dweeb.” “Oh, shut up and open the box,” Michael said and placed the plant in a better spot with bright light.

He turned back to her just in time to see her face grow into a wide smile. “These are adorable!” Her cellphone materialized in her hand and she took a bunch of pictures from all kinds of angles.

Michael tried not to grin too big.  He was really proud of them, honestly.  “She brought them over today, and I know you like lemon, so…” “Mmhm.”  Izzy was taking a selfie of one of them up to her mouth, grinning… and then popping it into her mouth.  “So good.”

“Yeah?”  He stole another one of them, trying to feign surprise over how good they were.  “Oh hell yes.”  

Izzy laughed… and she was tapping on her phone, as she grabbed another one.  “You should make us some lemondrops.  Just complete the theme, hm?”

Michael laughed.  “A little complicated.  Maybe just a couple mimosas?” “God, Michael, you’re so boring.  You dated a bartender for like a year, did you learn nothing?”

“Why don’t you put your phone down and help then?”  He says, with a laugh.  

“Hmmm.  I guess.  Think this is good enough to post?  She turned her phone to show him the instagram post she was about to publish, that selfie with the pop, plus a bunch of others of the pops themselves. But what caught his eye was the caption.

Adorable cake pops made by my equally adorable brother.  

Oh god damnit.  Michael groaned.  “Isobel, I’ve told you..”

“Please, Michael.”  She cut him off, smirking.  “How long have I fucking known you?  You’re not a master secret-keeper.  You’re actually terrible at secrets. Are you gonna fess up?  I don’t jump into people’s heads anymore, but I have ways of making you talk.”  

“What the hell, Iz, I’m awesome at secrets.”  

To Isobel’s credit, she didn’t laugh.  Much.  “I won’t post it.  But you could stop lying to me, you idiot.”  She said, reaching for his cheeks.  “I’m potentially the future mother of your children, you know.”

He grumbled.  “Do not make fun of me for this.”  

“Oh Michael,”  she said, shaking her head a bit.  “I’m your sister.  Making fun of you is my universe-given right.”  

“I hate you,” he said, batting her hands away from his face.  “Also that’s a really weird thing to say right after saying you’re gonna mother my children.”  

“Poor baby,” she says, laughing.  “Booze will help.”  

“Nothing hard,”  he started.  Isobel raised her eyebrow. “Trying this new thing where I don’t get wasted midday.” “Baking, gardening and temperance. You really are becoming domestic.” She smirked in response to the murderous look on his face.

“Champagne it is,” she said, lightly, whipping up a pair of French 75s, with a bit of a lemon nailpolish remover twist.

“You’re so pretentious.”  He took the flute from her.

Isobel laughed, raising her glass to him.  “There’s no shame in being a fancy bitch.”  She took a sip, leveling a serious look at him.  “Look.  You can use my kitchen.  I’ve got plenty of counterspace and a kitchenaid that my creepy alien sociopath of a husband bought me because he apparently didn’t know me at all.”

“Why didn’t you get rid of that, by the way?”  He asked, looking over at it, all shiny and imposing on the kitchen counter.”  

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I mean, kitchenaids are expensive, and it looks cool…?  Look, you can inexpertly psychoanalyze my trauma recovery, or you can just shut up and stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

“I…”  Michael started.  Frowning.  It was one thing to admit he was baking.  It was another to accept help from Isobel, but… he did want to get his hands on that kitchenaid. And her fancy oven that actually had accurate temperature control.  And her stove which would be way easier to temper chocolate on than his stove.

He groaned.  Her look was more excited than smug, which is the only reason he caved.  “Okay fine.”  At least now he could stop using his powers to blend shit.

[blueraspberrymilkshake]

how about kyman with the prompt "do it, i dare you"?

Okay, I just want to apologize to @lochnessmonster for taking so long to post this prompt. Work has been a pain in the ass and I wanted to make this oneshot really good one. And it is! So I hope you enjoy this 2k+ ‘ficlet’! Heads up, this story has a lot of saliva references and Butters torture. I also made this one-sided K2, whoops, lmao.

~x~

“Do it, I dare you.”

Cartman said it so provokingly after Kyle let out a ’what?’ after hearing the brunette’s proposal. No, not that kind of proposal. 

Cartman dared Kyle to kiss Kenny. On the lips.

While the blond was sitting right next to him. In front of everyone in the room. 

“Okay. This is unexpected,” Stan retorted.

And he was right. In the past two hours, the teenagers were having a normal sleepover at Stan’s household (which had a severe lack of two parental figures since forever, resulting in underaged drinking on Stan’s part); and in the past thirty-five minutes Kyle wanted to play 'truth or dare’ and since then the other boys had done the most absurd tasks. 

Stan was given a wet willy by Craig’s middle finger.

Craig confessed he would still pee on the bed at the tender age of fifteen (Stan quickly left and came back from the bathroom and dropped a bucket of cleaning utensils waiting for him in the morning).

Cartman had to shove ice cubes inside his sleep pants and let it melt on his own sleeping bag.

Kenny had to impersonate a police officer while prank-calling Darryl Weathers (the boys later found out that the crazy man had recently went skinny-dipping at Stark’s Pond right after drunk driving and nearly ran over an unidentified child).

The other blond had it the worst. Butters had to find any undergarments Shelly left in her old room and wear them on his head. He could only find a worn out pair of brief panties. And to add fuel to the fire, he had to let his friends take pictures of him and share them with their friends… and his father.

Fast forward to the present, and all of the aforementioned highlights would’ve been better for Kyle. Hell, sticking a twig inside his dick sounded much less humiliating than kissing his friend. And that says a lot. 

Kyle blinked his eyes, still blindsided from Cartman’s request. “No, I’m sorry, did you just-”

“God, Kyle, do I have to repeat myself? I dare you to kiss Kenny!”

“I-I change my mind! Truth!”

“Nuh-uh,” said Cartman, wagging his finger. “You can’t change a truth or dare. Ain’t that right Craig?”

The dark-haired teen cleared his dry throat, trying to maintain his composure. “Y-you did came up with that rule yourself, Kyle.”

“See? Told ya." 

Kyle internally cursed at himself. Why did he insist on making every game so challenging? "I am not kissing him, Eric.”

“You have to. It’s a dare,” Cartman sneered.

“Why not dare Stan? Or Butters? Hell, even Craig seems more willing to do this!”

“Dude! No!”

“I have a boyfriend, asswipe.”

“And I still have my dignity, thank you very much,” Butters remarked ironically, adjusting the waistband of his newly given headwear. 

Two seconds later a small jingle left Craig’s phone, signaling the notifications he earned. As he checked his phone he snickered.

“What’s so funny?”

“Your picture got over a thousand likes on my Instagram, dude,” he even replied to one of the comments, “Why yes, those are menstrual stains.”

“A thousand?!” Butters shouted in agony, his face became sweating and his pupils wander around the room but nothing made him calm yet. “Oh God, is Charlotte going to see this?! I need to come up with a good dare, and quick!”

“Shut up, you guys!” the impatient Cartman interjected, with his head turning towards Craig and Butters.

“Alright, let’s get on with it, people,” he continued, snapping his fingers directly at his other two friends.

The older teen huffed, arms crossed as a form of protest. He wasn’t about to hear it.

“Kyle,” the taller boy leaned just a little closer, his tone low and browbeat, “your ass was going on and on and on about wanting to smooch a guy, and now’s your chance.”

Kyle’s eyes snapped back open, clearly outraged that Cartman would bring this up. He admitted to his friends he was questioning his sexuality; wondering if he liked boys as much as he liked girls. That was several months ago, and since then he would continue living his life with nary a definite conclusion. He should’ve known the taller boy would bring up personal information for his own gain.

“I didn’t know you’re bi-curious, too!” Butters beamed.

“Mhmm,” Cartman hummed. “And don’t act like you two haven’t done anything gay before. I haven’t forgotten the whole 'ookie mouth’ thing.”

“Ookie mouth?” Butters repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“We were eight!” exclaimed Kyle.

“And painfully inexperienced,” Kenny added with a hint of disappointment, earning him a glare from his former playmate.

“And now…” Cartman raised his two index fingers towards his chest and brought his digits together, “…you two can finally share each other’s saliva properly,” he punctuated his sentence by closing his hands together.

“Oh, dear God,” Kyle groaned, covering his face in embitterment. 

“You guys had to share saliva?” Butters gave off a mischievous look, his thumb and index finger on his chin. “Hmm.”

“Don’t even think about it, Butters,” remarked Stan.

“Why are you doing this to me? I don’t even like Kenny like that.”

“I saw the way you looked at him the other day. You were so focused on that sexy face of his, huh? You even smiled at him!”

“I was helping him study for our Final, you idiot.”

“It doesn’t matter. You could’ve said no. But something inside you said otherwise.”

“Eric, for the last time, I am not doing this. You better find something else for me to do.”

“Dude,” Kenny responded, his hand landing on Kyle’s shoulder. “let’s just get this over with.”

“You’re going along with this,” the frustrated teen assumed in a deadpan tone.

“Y'all know I never back down from a challenge,” said the smug boy, showing off a sincere grin.  “And compared to the other shit we’ve done tonight, Fatass is practically being nice to us. Besides, It’s not like he’s asking for a full-blown make out session.”

Kyle thought about this long and slow, and he snarled at Cartman. The brunette just raised an eyebrow, that shit-eating grin still plastered on his face. Kyle pursed his lips together, and finally gave up.

“Just a peck.”

Kenny nodded in agreement.

“Soooo?” Cartman was lying on his stomach, his feet in the air, and not caring for the remnant wet spot from his own dare. “Who’s gonna make the first move?”

Stan let out a forced cough and took another sip out of his can. 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Kyle suggested abruptly. 

Each faced their open palms towards each other before placing their fists on top. When they drew the first time, they both had scissors.

“Best two out of three.”

They drew again, they chose rock.

They drew again, they chose scissors.

They drew again, they chose paper.

“How are you guys doing that?” Stan questioned.

And they drew again and again and again, but continue to reveal the same illusive weapon.

“Jesus Christ!” Cartman yelled, reaching towards the work desk and quickly found what he needed.  “Here!” A dime in front of Kenny’s face, the light from the ceiling causing the coin to glow in front of Kenny’s face. “Just flip a coin.”

“I-I call tails,” Kyle blurted out, just as the blond snatched the shiny object.

Kenny flipped the coin and caught it when it fell on the back of his palm. It landed on tails.

Kyle really wished he had some of Stan’s beer. 

“Alright Kyle, time to kiss yo’ man!” Cartman taunted. He was practically bouncing from excitement, and it wasn’t just from the ice cubes.

The redhead said nothing and instead sat still, taking the time to stay calm before he could look at his chosen participant.

“Look Kyle, we don’t have to-” suddenly Kyle placed a finger on the other boy’s lips, signaling him to stop.

“Why are changing your mind now? I thought you said you’d never back down from a challenge.”

Kenny was taken aback from his friend’s sudden change of inclination. He opened his mouth trying to find the right words, but the other teen beat him to it. “Come here.”

Kenny’s cheeks became redder and hotter as Kyle’s cold hands took hold of them. 

’If Fatass wants a show, I’ll give him a show’, the redhead thought.

Kyle took a deep breath before pressing his lips onto Kenny’s. He assumed the blond’s lips would be dry and chapped from the cold weather but instead they were soft and moist, but not from his own spit. Cartman must’ve had a play in this, because Kenny was wearing cherry flavored chapstick; the only person who liked that flavor was Cartman himself. He felt Kenny loosen up and give in to the passive kiss. Keeping his eyes shut, he let his hands wander at Kenny’s back - one hand gently grabbing strands of unkempt hair while the other stopped at his neck - pulling the other boy further onto him. 

“Uh… guys?” said Stan, finally speaking up, but his voice quickly became white noise. Craig gestured at the other boy, placing a finger on his lips, as he was quietly recording what’s left of this unforgettable dare.

Kyle captured his lips again, and again, and again, portraying himself as some touch-starved virgin; he could’ve sworn he felt Kenny’s mouth curve into a smile.

“Guys, you can stop now. Guys!”

“Welp, it’s a good thing I brought these,” Craig used his free hand to reach into his back pocket and a short pack of condoms fell on the floor.

“Craig!”

Thankfully for Stan, Kyle broke the kiss before this oneshot exceeds its PG-13 rating. When he opened his eyes again, he was met with a blankly inscrutable Kenny, his fingers lightly brushing his lips. Kyle’s eyes searched around the room, and everyone remained speechless. 

Stan ran a hand onto his raven-colored hair, clearly distressed of what he had just witnessed. “Holy shit, dude.”

Cartman blinked, as if he knew what he was going to say but couldn’t, and soon suppressed giggles evolve into raucous laughter. He was literally rolling on the floor as he does so, hardly attempting to regain his posture.

“Oh my - oh my God,” Cartman wiped his eyes as he tried to breathe. “You guys really did it!”

“Yeah!” Butters chimed in. “How embarrassing!” His snickering ceased as a buzz from his phone went off. He wasn’t too happy with his text.

“Oh jeez. My dad saw the pictures,” he bowed his head in shame. “He says I’ll be grounded when I get home.”

Kyle let out a long sigh. “I’m gonna rinse my mouth, now.”

And just like that, he promptly excused himself from the bedroom.

Everyone remained silent until Craig broke the ice. It was his turn after all. “Butters, truth or dare?”

~x~

After he was done using the bathroom, Kyle decided to get a bottle of soda to help wash down the aftertaste of Kenny’s mouth. When he took it from the refrigerator, Cartman was already stepping into the kitchen.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Kyle was pouring his drink into a plastic cup.

“My plan worked, didn’t it?” The brunette smirked.

Kyle pulled away from his own cup as the words processed through his head. “I knew it.”

“Don’t be like that, Kyle.” Cartman replied, hoping his own words would reassure the other boy. “No one will be able to recognize… this thing between us. Everyone will think you and Kenny have a thing.”

“Is that why you invited Craig and Butters? Just so they can have something to gossip?”

“Well, it’s hard for anyone believe anything Butters says out of his mouth,” the brunette sat next to the shorter guy, grabbing the bottle. “But with Craig, it’s nearly impossible to take no for an answer. I also wanted to see Butters make an ass out of himself tonight.”

Cartman removed the bottle cap; he was about to himself out before Kyle firmly grabbed his wrist.

“You’re not going to drink off the bottle, are you?”

“You took the last cup.”

“That doesn’t mean you can taint the soda with your backwash.”

The boy next to him scoffed. “Can I at least take a sip from your cup?”

Cartman was given the cup, and in return he gave Kyle a ludic stroke on his chin.

“Thanks, babe.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and smiled. He made sure he would get his cup back before Cartman could leave him with a single drop.

“I’m glad this whole thing is taken care of,” Cartman replied.

“There are better ways to keep our relationship a secret, dude,” said Kyle.

“Don’t worry,” Cartman nudged his arm. “This whole fiasco will die down in less than two months…maybe,” he stated his remark like it was supposed to make his boyfriend feel better. “…And now that Kenny’s got his wish he’ll stop vexing me.”

'His wish…’ it didn’t take Kyle to figure that one out on his own. “Kenny’s crushing on me, isn’t he?”

“What do you think?”

This all made perfect sense now.

“Cartman? Truth or dare?”

“Truth?”

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

Cartman didn’t say anything… yet. Kyle had already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear him say it. 

“Of the kiss? Of Kenny liking me? You thought that he was going to steal me away from you?" 

The brunette nodded his head but eventually answered the question, so faintly that Kyle could barely listen to it. He didn’t have to worry, though; because it was enough to earn him a tender kiss from his boyfriend. Unlike his last encounter, the redhead took his time on this particular person; the same person who had made him feel all types of ways but still managed to steal his heart. Kyle didn’t remove his hands when he parted ways, and instead they slid onto broad shoulders. He would never say it out loud, but kissing Kenny wasn’t as bad as he thought. However, the blond could never compete with the juxtaposition of silkier, shaved skin and softer, chestnut hair and chubbier cheeks and straightened, white teeth and the scent of coconut body wash, the list goes on and on. No one could ever take his place.

Their trance was broken when they heard a yell from upstairs.

"Jesus, Craig, there’s spit in my eye!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Butters!”

Kyle leered at Cartman when he started cackling, only to join in mere seconds later. 

“C'mon, you gaywad…” Kyle punched him playfully, “before they catch us.”

The best come back the other boy could come up with was, “Likewise, buttmunch.”

Cartman watched his boyfriend wander back towards the stairs before following suit.

[pastelwitchling]

Prompts! How about jealous!michael?

               Michaelhad wondered what it was about Kyle Valenti that he hated so much. Maybe it wasthe way he walked into a room all smug, as if a few years in medical school anda doctor’s coat could change the kind of person he was and the things he’ddone. Maybe it was the fact that he was the one to stab Isobel with theantidote, or his self-righteous interferences in Michael’s private familybusiness.

               But no.As he stood at one end of the Wild Pony, leaning against the wall with his armslimp at his side, a bottle of nearly empty beer in one hand, Michael realizedthe reason he hated Kyle Valenti was Alex. He watched as the two sat closely atthe bar, huddled together as if in their own world. Kyle was laughing, andthough Michael doubted he had the capacity to be very funny, Alex seemed todisagree as he laughed along with him.

               AndMichael hated that.

               Hehated the way Kyle ran his hand down Alex’s back as if they were accustomed totouching each other, hated the way Kyle raked his fingers through Alex’s hairas if they belonged there, hated the wayKyle clinked their beer bottles together every so often as if it was a secretkind of handshake that was unique to just them.

               It’dbeen weeks since he and Alex had spoken, and Michael realized that it was mucheasier to be apart from the airman when he thought he was the only one pining,that he was the only one who was in love. After finding out Alex felt the sameway, after seeing Alex fight for them, there was nothing more bitter thanwatching him pull away again. Nothing worse than knowing that he’d had hischance, he’d had a real chance, andhe’d spit it back in Alex’s face.

               Michael’sjaw clenched as Kyle casually threw an arm over Alex’s shoulders. His fingers tightenedand untightened painfully when he realized that Alex didn’t seem to mind any ofit. The way their shoulders brushed, the way Kyle smiled so comfortably aroundhim, the way their knees nudged against one another as if they couldn’t containtheir excitement, couldn’t run out of stories to tell each other, of things tosay, and he hated, hated, hated every bit of it –

               Peopleshrieked as every beer bottle and glass in the bar suddenly shattered, sendingshards everywhere. Michael held up his own hand, shocked to see it covered inglass. He hadn’t felt the shock of his powers coming this time, but he couldstill feel the aftereffects – the electricity coursing through his veins, the compressionson his chest, the slight migraine – and he gasped.

               Helooked up to find Alex holding his own hands up, covered in beer and dustingglass shards off his jacket. Alex,Michael thought and stepped forward. He had to check on Alex, to make sure hewas okay, but before he could get any closer, he saw Valenti place his hands onAlex’s shoulders, trying to get his attention, asking him if he was okay, if hewas hurt.

               Michaelswallowed and moved away. He saw Alex look around the room and catch his eyes,realization dawning instantly, and Michael held his gaze as he stepped back, daring– pleading – Alex to follow him, toleave Kyle and choose him.

               Michaelfinally turned away at the door, his heart racing and his fingers trembling ashe stepped outside, the cold air slapping his face, trying to sober him up, totell him that this was important, that he had to be thinking clearly. For amoment, there was just silence, then the door opened beside him. He faintlyregistered a drunk mass of voices asking what had happened, another, loudervoice reassuring them that they would get a drink on the house, before hecaught sight of Alex, his brows furrowed as he stepped out, searching forMichael. When Alex found him, he sighed, his hands in his pockets as he let thedoor close behind him.

               Therewas a moment of silence, and then, “Kyle’s making sure no one’s hurt. They’reall too drunk to really care though, so you got lucky.” He stepped closer.“What the hell were you thinking?”

               ButMichael just stared. Alex’s hair strands stuck out messily, his red cheeks lookingas if he’d been standing out in the snow for hours, his eyes darker thanMichael had ever seen them. He’d almost forgotten how long his eyelashes were,too. He wondered how long Kyle liked to stare at him, how many of Alex’s not-so-imperfectlittle secrets he’d found just by looking into his eyes.

               Butinstead of asking that, Michael said, “You don’t do that with me.”

               Alexblinked. “Do what?”

               “Smile,”he said. “You don’t do that with me. You do it with Kyle, you laugh with Kyle. Just not with me.”

               Alex stared,then sighed in that way he did when he could understand what Michael was tryingto say better than Michael did, and Michael hatedthat, too. He hated how easily Alex could read him, to see into his thoughts,his heart – it was strange, and unfamiliar, and terrifying.

               “Kyle’smy friend,” he said, his voice soft. “Okay, Guerin? That’s it, he’s just myfriend –”

               “I hatehim, Alex,” Michael confessed, and he knew it was stupid, and unfair, and itwasn’t his place, but he couldn’t help it. Lying to Alex’s face once before hadleft a heavy weight in his chest that he had yet to get rid of, he couldn’t doit again. “I hate how close he gets to you, I hate the way he looks at yousometimes, like he needs you.”

               “Hedoes need me sometimes. And I need him.”

               Michaelfelt a lump in his throat. “W-What?”

               “Notlike that,” Alex said and stepped close enough that Michael could lean hisforehead on his shoulder if he wanted to, and he wanted to, but he didn’t know if Alex would let him touch him. “Iknow that it would hurt you if I said that Kyle means more to me than a friend,a brother, and I should. I shouldhurt you, Guerin, it’s only fair after what you did.”

               Michaelswallowed and looked down, his nails digging into the brick wall behind him ashe braced himself for the words he knew he’d never be able to take, but then hefelt Alex’s arm brush against his and he looked up to see the airman leanagainst the wall next to him.

               “Butthe world’s not fair,” he sighed, “and I can’t do it. I could never lie to youlike that, Guerin.”

               “Alex…”

               Alex searchedhis face, and Michael couldn’t help but glance at his lips. He wanted so badlyto surge forward, to capture Alex’s mouth in his, to pull him against his chestand hold onto him, to inhale his scent, and touch his skin, and hear him moan, butjust as he raised his hand to cup Alex’s cheek, Alex’s eyes seemingly caughtsomething and he grabbed Michael’s wrist, keeping his hand away from his face.

               Michael’seyes remained half-lidded, a furrow in his brows. “What is it?” he asked inbarely a whisper, unable to say anything louder than that. “What’s wrong?”

               Alex’sfingers tightened slightly on Michael’s wrist, and Michael could feel the desperation in his hold,begging Michael never to leave him, never to go anywhere.

               Michaelwas just about to reassure him that he would never leave his side again whenAlex said, “Your hand’s uninjured,” he said, though his voice was quiet and hiseyes were avoiding Michael’s. “That’s good.”

               He letgo of Michael’s hand and moved away. “I’m going back inside.”

               “What? Whoawhoa whoa,” Michael snapped out of his haze and reached for Alex’s arms,holding him close and still. “Wait a minute, wait, what happened, why’re yougoing back inside?”

               “I toldyou about my hand, remember? I told you,” he said as he stroked Alex’s cheek. Hejust wanted Alex to stay. Even if they didn’t do anything, he couldn’t haveAlex walk away from him again. He didn’t think he could take it.

               “Yeah,I know,” Alex said, an indescribable look in his eyes as he stared at Michael. “Maxfixed it. Not because you asked him, not because you wanted it, but because Maxdecided. You wanted to keep it, right? So it could remind you of every horriblething in your life that I was a part of. So it could remind you to stay away.”

               “What?Alex, no­ ­–”

               “Guerin,yes,” Alex said, sounding tired. “That’s what all of this has been about. It’swhy we can’t talk, it’s why we’ve been making each other so miserable. Youdidn’t want me to get close, you didn’t want me to tell you that I love you becauseif I did, then I wouldn’t just be a painful memory anymore, and you don’t knowhow to see me as anything other than that.”

               “That’snot true,” he said. “I… I…”

               Heclenched his jaw. Damn it.

               Alexshook his head. “You can’t even say it, can you?”

               “Alex–”

               “I loveyou, Guerin,” he said, his hands coming up to Guerin’s jaw. “I love you. Inever thought I’d be able to say those words out loud, but I have. Just lowerone defense, just for me. Show me I’m more to you than a nightmare’s son.”

               Michaelstepped close enough that their chests were pressed against one another, and heopened his mouth, ready for the words to pour out of his lips, but when nothingcame out, he felt Alex’s fingers slowly slip away from his face.

               “See?”he whispered, though the disappointment in his eyes told Michael he’d actuallyhoped he would be wrong. “I was right.”

               BeforeMichael could say anything else, to attempt to rectify the situation, toexplain that he loved Alex more than words could ever say, Alex stepped out ofhis hold, and Michael found his arms falling to his side as Alex went back intothe bar. There was a brief moment of music and drunk chattering – the brokenglass evidently forgotten – and then the door closed, and Michael was plungedinto silence once again.

               He waswrong, he realized. There was something worse than Alex walking away from him. Itwas the look on his face, the one that told him that Michael had broken his heart inways that couldn’t be fixed, before he’d left.

***

I’m so nervous - my first ever prompt request! I don’t know if this was what you had in mind, but I hope you like it! Thank you so much for submitting 💞

[finderskeepersff]

76. Part 3

Is this really my day, like I feel it’s unreal to me. I did not expect to be a father or be getting married, the nerves are kicking in. Turning around looking around me, I haven’t seen some of these people but I can tell they are Sofia’ family, they look just like her. They are just looking at me and I am like the fuck are you “Cassius, hey!” I know her “hi” I waved at Hope “it’s the day, you look so well. Jordi, come. This is my brother Jordi, Jordi this is cousin Sofia’ husband” is everyone just pretty here, like I am not gay but even he got a pretty face “hello” he shook my hand “can everyone sit please” here goes those wedding organizers “I will see you inside” I said smiling, I am so fucking scared. I need another blunt “time is coming” Kyle patted my shoulders “I know, I am sweating” turning to him “awwww Bryce, oh my god. Look at you, did uncle dress you like him?” seeing my sister walk over to us, Bryce ran over to her “look!” Bryce spat showing his chain “awwww what!” Jasmine crouched down next to him “Jordan, this is daddy. I love it, baby” Jasmine put her head down “I love it, you are so special to us” she kissed his cheek “auntie loves it” she got up from her position “I like to see men in suits, you are all looking nice. Even Cassius” licking my lips nodding my head “you don’t look too bad either” Jasmine smiled at me “Sofia is ready for you, I was speechless seeing her” that helps “now I am sweating even more” wiping my forehead “Oh no, don’t be. Sofia is honestly just wanting to see you, she misses you a lot” I guess this is it, Olivia and Mia are coming out so I guess this it. Rubbing my face “fuck” I breathed, taking my shades off “you will be fine, you just need to get over the first part. Cartier, was auntie not giving you attention” I been ignoring his little screams “you look so handsome baby” I swallowed hard “walk with me” I said, I just said it without thinking of anything “walk with me down the aisle” Jasmine is looking at me like I swore at her “me?” she pointed at herself “you’re my sister ain’t you?” Jasmine looks real offended and I wish she wouldn’t “why?” of course she would ask why “because you’re my sister and I would walk with mom if she was here, you piss me off but you’re my sister” Jasmine laughed “what if I fall?” that sounds right with Jasmine “then that is you all over if that happens” it would be “Cass” I didn’t want tears, Jasmine walked into me to hug me.

I have a feeling Cartier is going to act out, he in that mood. Pulling his suit jacket down as I held him “hey, no pacifier now” pulling it out “dada, you going to be a good boy now. Give me kiss” poking my lips out, Cartier is staring at everyone, it is overwhelming for him and I understand that. Cartier looked at me and bought his face to me “thank you, I love you son. We going to get through this together” we need each other “if you would like to move further up, closer to the stairs” the organizer said, I am shocked we are in our desired pairs, we be useless at things. Shuffling up behind Amira and Kyle “C!” Bryce spat, he is walking ahead of us “yes” looking down at him, he held his hand up “you want to hold hand, ok we can do that for a while” holding his hand, if I lose this child then the ring is lost because he has it, he got a big day for himself today. I can see the guest more clear from here now, there is more than what I expected it to be, I am impressed. Cartier rested his head on my shoulder, he will be sleeping soon I know he is tired. I cannot believe I am marrying her, like this is wild alone. To feel like this about anyone is just crazy to me, I still have that same feeling as I did when I met her in the Clover Club for a drink, every time I laid eyes on her I felt like this and I still feel this for her.

Women and these finer details, we could all just walk together. Once Kyle left me I felt so fucking exposed “this is your moment, this is when everyone is going to stare at you. Don’t pay them no mind, pretend they are naked” side eyeing Jasmine “I don’t think I want too thanks, pretend they are naked. Who does that?” looking over at her “I do, I hate people staring so then it soothes my mind when I do and I find it funny” this girl is weird “sure” Jasmine linked arms with me “this means a lot to me, I didn’t expect it. I only came to see Bryce, I thought you hated me?” I sniggered “I do” I had to laugh “but that is siblings for you, y’all get on my nerves but I do love you” this photographer will get a swift kick from me soon, all in my face “good luck Cassius, you will be fine. I will be behind you all of the way and if you do feel you need to have an attack, think of Sofia and think about the love she brings, I think we need to go now” oh god, I do need to go now “this is us now” my legs are very much like jelly, it would be easier to go and kill someone than do this because I care on what people think of me and how they perceive me, taking in a deep breath as I started to walk with my sister holding my arm on one side and my holding my son with the other “I am happy you are here though, like I know I was annoyed but to have my family here. Something of my own, it means a lot. Watch your step” I said as we walked down the steps “Sofia told me to let you get over it, she knows you so well. She knows you really wanted family here, she made this happen for you, she knew you wanted this” Bryce looked behind him and at us “you doing good” I smiled at him “and she is right” I mumbled, this is so nerve wracking, to have everyone stare at us. My eyes met Kyle’ and he smiled at me and that is my goal, to get to the front and stand there.

I reached Kyle and I breathed out, Jasmine moved her arm from mine “thank you” I said to her “come on Bryce, sit with me” Jasmine grabbed Bryce’ hand “let’s sit” Kyle patted my shoulder “you did well, nice to see you all smiles walking down. Nice touch having your sister with you. It was sweet” he is right, I am actually smiling. I mean I can’t stop, I am marrying Sofia so that alone makes me happy “I thought about what Sofia said, she said it’s a new chapter in our life and I needed to take that step, she is an idiot but she has always cared for me, you know what I mean right? So I thought I would do that, I would have had my mom doing that but obviously she isn’t here but you think I did good?” Kyle laughed “you came, that is the point. Anyways you just get ready for Sofia, give Cartier to someone?” looking around me “Jasmine, take Cartier” I said walking over to her “give me him here” leaning down to Jasmine as she took Cartier from me but he gripped my collar and screamed in my ear, I just knew it “dada what you doing?” yanking his hand off of my collar, I managed to get him off and move back. Cartier screamed out crying like someone hurt him “seriously” crouching down to Jasmine “dada, why you crying. I am here” Cartier got his arms out to me “here, his bag” Kyle said “ok, I know you’re tired. I think just rock him to sleep, if he will let you” digging into the bag, grabbing his pacifier, placing it in his mouth and held it there because he will just spit it back out “he really upset, it’s ok” using my free hand wiping his tears “come here” I will just hold him.

Wiping his nose with the tissue “dada” he said in a whisper “you being brat” Mia ran over to me “she is coming out now, you need to put him somewhere” I had to laugh “like he’s a damn doll, ok let’s see if he wants you. Dada, look who it is? It’s auntie” Cartier knew, he made sure to move away from Mia “ok, what about Ethan, hey! Come here” waving him over, he might go to him “you go to Ethan? Ethan get your arms out to him” I think he hasn’t seen the girls in a while, he ain’t feeling them “look at that little don, I got this” Ethan got his phone out “oh wow, look at that. A phone, take him” he will be ok, Ethan picked him out of my arms and Cartier didn’t react “he think y’all ugly” I said laughing “shut up” Mia walked off “Ethan, sit here” I pointed at the front, I want my son in front . Kyle started patted me down “what you doing?” I questioned “just straightening out your suit nigga” looking up at the family just waiting and I caught Henry looking, he put his thumb up at me, I just smiled at him “you can do it bro, I am happy for you” Kyle stepped back, I am like so lost on what to do right now, I just stand here and wait. Suddenly, a sudden hush fell over the crowd, and the music started to play. I stand here eagerly waiting, everyone turned to see but my heart is in my mouth right now “awww” the crowd said but what is there aww for, Kyle nudged me “you need to look there, it’s ok” looking down the aisle. There is a little girl walking down spreading flowers, she is so cute. My heart fell because I could see my daughter looking just like her. She smiled wide, her front teeth missing but she is still so adorable, she actually looks a little like Cartier, this is a lovely touch from Sofia. The little girl walked over to me and stood next to me “come here!” I think her mother said and she ran off, I think she wanted the limelight there.

It’s like I blinked for too long and there stood Marcel and Sofia at the of the aisle, the gasps from the people. I swallowed back hard, staring at Sofia. She smiled ever so wide, the look of pure happiness. She stood arm in arm with Marcel, not a single tear falling from her eyes. Her bright hazel eyes sparkled, she is so happy and she looks so beautiful “oh my god” I put my head down, clenching my eyes shut. She is so unreal, I don’t deserve her. I really don’t deserve that, I don’t do nothing to have that in my life. Kyle patted my back “come on bro” lifting my head up as tears escaped my eyes “it’s ok Cassius” Kyle hugged me, looking at Sofia walking closer and closer to me “that is yours brother, she is your wife. You good” Kyle let me go as I sobbed out and wiped my tears as I tried to not cry too much but I can’t help it, placing my hands together “baby” Sofia said smiling, shaking my head as I cried even more. Marcel shuffled to me “come on son” Marcel grabbed my arm “come on” Marcel pulled me over “Cassius, stop it. It’s ok” my eyes met Sofia’ “oh my god” I let out, I am legit crying like a baby and I can’t stop “look at me, you look at me now Cassius” Marcel said, looking over at Marcel “you take care of her, you love her and hold her when she is crying. You love my grandchild like she deserves, like I couldn’t do Cassius” Marcel choked out “you take care of her, she is yours now. I trust you” he grabbed Sofia’ hand and bought both of ours close “she is yours to love” Marcel placed my hand over Sofia’ “I love you so much” Marcel said to Sofia before he walked off, Sofia looked at me and I shied away. I feel I am not worthy, look how beautiful she looks “I have missed you so much, stop crying. Please” Sofia said, Kyle held out a tissue to me which made me laugh “Thanks” I needed it.

I had to laugh, I am such a mess right now that I feel embarrassed “I am sorry” I said to everyone staring at this mess meaning myself, stuffing the tissue in my pants “don’t be so emotional, it’s ok” I can’t even look at Sofia, I just want to cry when I do “you look amazing” I said looking anywhere but her face “then say it to me while looking at me” I sighed out smiling and then looked at Sofia “You look amazing Sofia” I feel choked up again, Sofia and I both just laughed “I love you” nodding my head “I love you more princess, words can’t describe how good you look” nothing can describe how good she looks, she is just so beautiful “are we ready to proceed?” the priest asked, I forgot he was stood there “yes” Sofia and I both said together “jinx” Sofia said as we both turned around, her hand still firmly in mine, I am not about to move my hand away from hers. The Priest look already done with me, it’s me being dramatic “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Sofia and Cassius in matrimony commended to be honourable among all; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this, these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together let them speak now or forever hold their peace” looking behind me, is someone supposed to say something “it took along time to get his ass there, ain’t nobody saying anything” Kyle would speak “as you wish you both proceed to read your vows” I am confused “what vows?” I said, it just came out “our own” Sofia said, I didn’t do no vows.

Sofia turned to me, I wasn’t ready for this “I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything that has gone on, from the moment I met you, it was a moment in waiting to see you. If I had done one thing differently, I might never have met you, if I had not been at your home that day I wouldn’t have met you. I can’t promise you that dark clouds will never hover over our lives, or that the future will bring us many rainbows. I can’t promise you that tomorrow will be perfect or that life will be easy but I can promise you my everlasting devotion, my loyalty, my respect, and my unconditional love for a lifetime, that is what I can promise you Cassius” Sofia didn’t even read that off anything, she said that from the heart and I am just melting from under her gaze “I ain’t going to lie, I didn’t know thar this was a thing” Sofia laughed “I don’t expect anything less from you Cassius” she knows me “but I can still speak from my heart and like you said, if we both changed our paths which could have happened, we wouldn’t have met. I will always treasure the moment I met you even though it was not the best times but meeting you has been the best part of me, if they ever wrote a story on me, this would be the point they would say Cassius found happiness, I met my best friend, my lover, the mother of my kids. I will protect you through thick and thin, my last breath will be your name. Thank you for believing in me when nobody did” Sofia pressed her lips into a hard thin line, her eyes teary “do we have the rings?” the priest said “uh yes I do, Bryce” I said looking at him, he ran towards me as did Mia walk over to us. Moving my hands away from Sofia’ “you did a good job” patting his head as I went into his pocket, opening the box with the ring.

I am shaking, I don’t know what is wrong with me “repeat after me Sofia” the priest said “I Sofia give you Cassius this ring” he paused “I Sofia give you Cassius this ring” Sofia repeated “hold your left hand out” the priest said to me, holding my left hand out “as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you” he said, Sofia smiled at me “as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you” she repeated and placed the ring on my finger, I didn’t think I would be needing a ring or do men have to wear it still. I am not even sure but Sofia looks so happy “so the same with you Cassius” looking at the ring before looking up at Sofia “I Cassius give you Sofia this ring” he said “I Cassius give you Sofia this ring” Sofia held her hand out “come on” Sofia said, she is way too happy “as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you” holding onto Sofia hand as I repeated “as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you” placing the ring on her finger “oh my god, that is beautiful” it actually fits perfectly, it matches too “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss” everyone cheered, they screamed more like. Looking over at them, seeing them just clap “kiss me stupid” looking over at Sofia “we are kissing as husband and wife” stepping closer to Sofia as I pressed a kiss to her lips, hearing the wolf whistles. I just grinned into the kiss, moving back from the kiss “you my husband now” Sofia said and I pressed a kiss to her lips again “I present to you Mr and Mrs Warren” the priest announces “wow, you officially a Warren now? Wow, I feel sorry for you” I said laughing “shut up” Sofia hit my chest “I have missed you so much” Kyle placed his arm around me “I don’t know what all that trouble was, shit was a breeze” I said, Marcel laughed pointing at me “you want to walk with your wife now, you both both to the hall” Mia said, looking over at Sofia holding my hand out to her “shall we Mrs Warren” it sounds crazy to say such a thing but she is so damn happy, I have made her so damn happy.

[dahliawolfe]

Between

Roswell fanifc. Definitely not cannon. Very much smut. Very much poly. 

She’s attacked from behind. Slammed into the wall of the Pony on her way to take the trash out. The breath leaves her body in a harsh woosh. Blood beaded up on her forehead, as a gash was opened up from the rough steel.

“You little slut! Defending them damn Ortecho’s! They’re not here to protect you now, are they!?” is slurred into her ear from behind. Embyr rolls her eyes.

“Listen, Chad Thundercock, if you don’t let go of me, I’m going to kick you in the balls. And I don’t think your teenie weenie can take the blow.” Jake Sellars slams her into the wall again, and she growls. This racist piece of shit is really pissing her off.

“Oh yeah, Bitch. Will you now?” he spits, pressing something to her throat. She freezes. The bastard has a knife on her. “Cuz it looks to me, like I have the upper hand here. Now, how’s about I wash that whore mouth out for you?” She hears the chink of his belt buckle before suddenly all of his weight is gone. She turns to see a pissed Alex Manes holding a gun to the dude’s head and an eerily calm Michael Guerin staring at her intently.

“You alright?” the latter asks through clenched jaw. Alex drags Sellars to his feet, slamming him into the wall behind her.

“I….Yeah. I’m ok,” she answers. She is a little more shaken than she’d like to admit, but she would survive. Her fear quickly turns to anger, and she snatches up Sellars’ fallen knife. Pushing Alex out of the way, she corners Sellars, pressing the knife to his throat. “How does it feel, you dick?!” she yells. She digs the knife into his neck just deep enough to draw blood. “You think this is funny, huh?! Picking on other people because of their sex or skin color?! How do you like being the one persecuted?!”

“Embyr, enough,” Alex warns, stepping forward, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Hands shaking, Embyr presses the blade just a little harder.

“Emy, it’s ok,” Michael says, stepping close and placing his hand over the one of hers holding the knife. Giving one last growl and lunge, Embryr pulls away, only then noticing that Sellars had pissed himself.

“Pathetic,” she spits, storming away.

…

…

“Hey, don’t walk away from us!” Alex booms behind her. But Embyr doesn’t stop. She doesn’t need this right now.

“Emy! Stop!” Michael yells. She stomps her feet, stopping herself and turning to face the two men.

“What?! What do you two want?! It’s rush hour, and if I don’t get back in there, Maria is going to fire my ass!”

“She will not,” comes a softer voice behind her. She turns to see Maria looking at her in concern, before the older woman steps forward and cups her chin, tilting her head up to inspect the damage. “Oh, Honey, what happened?” Maria coos.

“That Sellars dick roughed her up! Don’t you monitor who comes in here?!” Michael Guerin snaps at Maria, who, for her part rolls her eyes and focuses back on Embyr.

“Ok, Kyle is in there. Corner him and take him upstairs to get you fixed up,” she orders, giving Embyr a gentle smack to the ass.

“Maria, I’m ok. I just want to go back to work.”

“Listen, you can go talk to Kyle, or I’ll take you to the hospital myself,” Alex dictates, crossing his arms over his chest. It was now Embyr’s turn to roll her eyes. “Fine,” Alex huffs, marching over, and scooping her up, throwing her over his shoulder.

“Put me down!”

“Are you going to talk to Kyle?”

“No!” He gave her a rough smack to her ass. “Oww! Fine! Yes!” Giving her another smack for good measure, Alex plops her on her feet and motions for her to lead the way into the bar.

…

“It’s not too bad, a stitch or two should fix you right up,” Kyle Valenti dictates, snapping his latex gloves off of his wrists. “Come on, we can take you to the hospital, and I’ll get you fixed up.”

“Uhh, can’t I just do all that tomorrow? It’s almost closing time, I should get down to help out with last call.” Kyle shakes his head at the younger girl.

“Fraid not. We don’t want it to get infected.”

“Don’t you have anything in your bag that could help?” Kyle narrows his eyes at her.

“Embyr, are you afraid of going to the hospital?” he asks gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. She snorts, violently yanking her body away from him.

“What?! No! I’m not afraid!” Kyle holds his hands up, nodding to Michael and Alex.

“She needs stitches. I’m heading back to the hospital to finish up some paperwork. I’ll be there for an hour or so, if she changes her mind.” He then gathers his medical bag and walks out of the room.

Michael pulls Alex to the side. “Listen, let me have a second with her, ok? Let me talk her into it, and if that doesn’t work, you can drag her out kicking and screaming.” Alex frowns but nods.

“Fine, but I don’t always want to be the bad guy.”

Michael makes his way over to Embyr, taking a seat next to her on the velvet couch. “What’s up, Pumpkin? You can tell me?”

“I’m not your pumpkin. And there’s nothing up. I just don’t want to go to the stupid hospital, ok?!”

“No, not ok. You’re hurt, and you need stitches. And Kyle, as much as I dislike him, is a good doctor. So, why are you so against going to the hospital?’ He slings an arm over her, only to feel her slightly trembling. “I’ll be with you. Alex will be with you. I bet you won’t even feel it.”

“I can’t…I can’t go there,” she replies through clenched teeth.

“Why not?”

“My mom, she went there. She never came back. You go in, and you never leave, Michael!” It was clear that she was definitely panicking. And Michael didn’t know the whole story, but he knew that her mother had died when she was very young. Mimi and Maria had taken her in and raised her after. And if anyone knew about losing family, or well, not having them to begin with, it was Michael Guerin.

He pulls her into his lap and against his chest. “Hey, it’s ok. I would never allow that to happen to you. You’re safe here, with me. I promise you.”

“I can’t! I can’t go!” she wails against his shirt.

“Shh. Shh. It’s ok. Everything is ok.” He soothes her, running his hands down her back. “Emy, no one is going to hurt you while I’m around. Me and Alex…” and there it is. Something that neither he, nor Alex had ever spoken aloud, but both of them understood. “We’ll take care of you.” Because, dammit, they would. He knows how much he cares about the girl in his lap. And he knows how much Alex cares about her too. And he feels it so much it hurts, this desire to be everything for her. And fuck, maybe he’s crazy, hell, he is definitely crazy, but he knows that he, and Alex, and Embyr fit together like some cosmic puzzle that is pulled together by forces unknown to him. “That’s all we want to do, Baby. We just wanna take care of you.” And since when is Michael the sappy one? She looks up at him with teary eyes.

“Why?”

He chuckles. “I don’t know, man. I have no idea. But I know we do. And I promise you, that’s enough.”

Embyr looks into his eyes, searching for a sign of dishonesty. She finds none. She nods slowly. “Ok, I’ll go, but only if you promise to stay with me.”

“Scout’s honor,” Michael swears, helping her off of his lap and taking her hand.

…

“Ok, that’s it. You’re done,” Kyle says, standing back to look at his handiwork. Alex crowds in close, taking a look for himself.

“Thanks,” the soldier mutters, taking Embyr’s hand and helping her down from the exam table.

“Yeah. Sure. No problem. Anything for Embyr,” Kyle replies, giving the girl a smile. Tugging her closer, Alex slings his arm around Embyr.

“Let’s get you home, Baby,” he coos. He throws another glare at the doctor before motioning for Michael to lead the way and following him out of the hospital.

…

Embyr’s asleep by the time they make it to Alex’s house, so Michael stoops and lifts her from the truck and carries her inside, depositing her on Alex’s bed and removing her boots. He covers her with the blanket and softly kisses her head before leaving the room to find Alex.

Alex places two beers on the coffee table and sits to wait on his boyfriend. They have a lot to talk about, and he figures they should get it done before Embyr wakes up. Michael appears soon enough, throwing himself on the other end of the couch and snagging a beer. “I take it you said something to her about…the arrangement?” Alex begins.

Michael nods. “She wasn’t going to that hospital any other way. That’s for damn sure.”

“And what did she say?”

“Not much. She was scared. Not of us! Or at least, I don’t think so.”

“Hmm. Well, she didn’t run away, so that’s a good sign, I suppose.”

…

A soft hand strokes her head, waking her up from a peaceful sleep. She groans slightly before opening her eyes. Michael and Alex are sitting on each side of her, smiling down. “Hello, Beautiful,” Alex greets, stroking her hair again.

“Hi,” she yawns, unconsciously leaning into the hand.

“Think you’re up for talking with us?” Michael asks, nervousness tightening his smile. She nods, sitting up, pulling her knees to her chest.

“Em, I know Michael mentioned something to you before we took you for the stitches tonight. Do you remember?”

“Yeah. Kinda. He said something about you guys wanting to take care of me. And it’s ok. I know he was only trying to calm me down. I don’t actually expect you guys to do that. Don’t worry.”

Alex frowns. “It wasn’t just to calm you down. We do want to take care of you. We want to show you love, and make you feel good. We want you to be ours.”

“But…You guys are already together…? So, how would I fit into all that?”

Michael chuckles. “Perfectly. You’d fit right in between both of us. In all the best ways, Emy.” Alex rolls his eyes.

“What Michael is trying to say, is; we love each other, but we want to love you too. We want you to be our girl.”

“Like a throuple? Or something?” She frowns, thinking that she had chosen the wrong word.

“Exactly.”

“But that seems…complicated?”

“Well, it would be. But we’d set rules. And boundaries.”

“Like?”

“Like, for starters, it would only be the 3 of us. We wouldn’t be with anyone else, and neither would you. Complete loyalty. And you would tell us if and when something was too much. We’d go at your pace.”

“Ok.”

“And…And this is essential. We’d be in charge. All the time. We want to take care of you. So, you’d have to let us.”

“I don’t understand.” Alex smiles softly.

“That’s ok, Babydoll. What I’m saying is, Michael and I would care for you physically, emotionally, and sexually. We’d be in charge at home, out in public. And in the bedroom.” Embyr’s eyes widen slightly.

“I mean, I can take care of myself. I’m not like…stupid or anything.”

“No! Of course not! We don’t think that at all!” Michael rushes. “We just want to take care of your and show you we care about you.”

“We know you’re not stupid, Em. Trust me. We also know that you’re very special. Especially to us.”

“You don’t have to decide now,” Michael assures, rubbing the back of her neck gently.

“I…I wanna….I wanna do it.” Alex and Michael both beam.

“Well, in that case…How about we give our little girl a treat for being so good for us, huh, Michael?” Alex asks, giving Embyr a naughty smile.

“You read my mind,” Michael replies.

[hoseokmylovesworld]

Picture of Love | 05

Pairing: Photographer!Hoseok x OC x Producer!Yoongi

Genre/Warnings: Hoseok AU/Yoongi AU/Includes strong language.

Words: 5,080

Summary: Charlotte Galloway is the leader of the up and coming girl band, “She-Bang”, with a side hustle as a photographer for anyone who will hire her.  She meets a fellow professional photographer named Jung Hoseok who helps “She-Bang” realize their dreams and Charlotte to make a love connection along the way.

"Leyah...Leyah wake up." I say into my best friend's ear. She stirs slightly, but does not respond and makes no efforts to listen further. As I suspected. These girls only respond to one thing.

"LEYAH WAKE UP!" I yell still near her ear. She shrinks back at the noise immediately and rolls to the other side of her bed, covering her ears. "Goddammit Char!"

"Come on. You gotta get up so we can go." I shoo the covers away from her only to see her matching tweety bird shorts and tank top pajamas. I snicker.

"It's Friday. We don't have a gig today ass-hat! What the fuck time is it anyway?" She grabs her covers back.

"You know, I love when you call me that." I look off into the distance for dramatic effect, for no one in particular. "But if you must know, night owl, it is 10:09 AM. The girls are getting ready. You're all that's left. Please join us." I say moving closer to her face with my head in the palm of my hands, elbows resting on her bed. She takes one look at me and breaks. She never was able to resist me.

"Ffffffine. Where are we even going?" She rubs the sleep out of her eyes. YES.

"I just made a benji on Patreon and I wanna share it with my girls and congratulate them on their hard work...by taking them out to brunch thank you very much." I smile brightly. J-Hope encouraged me to start sharing my photos on Patreon recently and apparently people really like my work and want to see more.

 "Also I made plans for us all later. Just wear something punk and look cute."  

"Why didn't you just start with that?" She sits up and smiles groggily. I smile back. "I just like to fuck with you." I laugh and boop her nose and back away quickly in case she retaliated. She just rolls her eyes and falls back onto the bed waiting for Carrie to get out of the shower.

Seeing as I am fully dressed and ready to go, I wait on my girls and pass the time by tinkering with my phone.

Though I said I would try not to talk to J-Hope until Saturday, he's continued to text me  everyday of the week since we last spoke...And so I maybe text him back. He's been away in Maine all week for work, but he promised he would be back for our date on Saturday.

I hear a ping and get a notification on my phone. J-Hope texted me.

J-Hope: Hey! Just landed in San Fran. Told you I'd be back in time.*smiley face emoji*

I roll my eyes and smirk playfully. I send him a quick reply and continue to get ready for brunch with the girls. Me: Well thank you for keeping your word.

I text Kyle where were going, because I still haven't made up with Darren, and we're off.

The train ride to the Hollywood Cafe is short and filled with us making fun of people we see on public transportation. We're seated and soon we each are sipping on different flavored mimosas. "So." I say resting my hands on the table in front of me, getting their attention.

"I have brought you guys here and offered to buy you all brunch with my hard earned money, your welcome, to let you guys know how proud I am of you." I watch their amused expressions from my self-praise turn to looks of sincere gratitude. Leyah still wears her near expressionless mask, but her mouth turns up at the corner slightly and I can tell she's feeling my speech as much as the other girls. I raise my mimosa into the air and the girls follow suit.

"I know how hard you girls have worked and after two years I know that you deserve every good thing that comes your way-"

"Oh my gawd! Why are you doing this?! You told me to get cute and now your making me cry?! What the fuck Char?" Carrie gripes across form me. Vicky chuckles and rubbed her arm in comfort. "Don't touch me, I'm emotional!" She shoos her hand away causing all of us to burst out in laughter at her expense and draw attention to ourselves with our volume.

"I'm sorry Carrie, but my speech has already been prepared, I must finish it." She nods. "If you must." She sniffles, grabbing a napkin. Poor baby, she always was the most emotional one of the group.

"We have been through some shit separately and together, but we were there for each other...you guys were there for me..." I hear my voice crack a bit and I stop. I am taken back to when I met my best friends at a club in L. A. when I was at my lowest. Damn, I didn't expect myself to get this sentimental too.

Leyah reaches over and squeezes my thigh encouragingly, eyebrows furrowed. I clear my throat and continue. "And I just want to say...I love you guys so much...Thank you." We finally clink our glasses, the girls and I say "Cheers." in unison.

The food comes and we enjoy some small talk and breakfast food before I share my other news with them. "So guys, that photographer you all met contacted me early this morning-"

"Is that why you were up so early?" Leyah dragged out. "Yes, now hush. He agreed to meet with us today and seeing as he's only in town for a limited time, he wants to take some test shots in the Trans-america Redwood Park." I say with a hopeful smile.

"Nice one Char. I'm guessing that's why you told us to 'look cute'." Vicky says using air quotes.

"Why, yes it is." I sing, getting more excited by the second.

"Yeah, well my cute is heels. That trip is no walk in the park if you know what I mean and you're wearing flats."  Vicky points out. It's true there is a bit of a walk before and after the train ride, but I figured my girls could do this for us.

"Oh come on. It's nothing we can't handle. Look we have like two hours before we have to be there we'll jus-"

"How about we just call Darren and Kyle and tell them to bring the ca-"

"No!" I get shocked and confused glances from each of the girls at my outbursts, I sigh once and spit out an excuse. "It's just that...well they're probably sleeping and we wouldn't want to disturb them." I say almost in the form of a question.

"Char it's twelve o'clock and Kyle is an early bird anyway, we can-"

"We can do this ourselves. We don't need them for everything." I spit the last part out aggressively. The girls eyes are still wide and full of curiosity.

"...Are you in ex-boyfriend mode again?...Do you need a hug?" Carrie whispers the last part, quite seriously, causing me to smirk. "No Carrie, I am fine, thank you for asking." Carrie just nods still keeping a watchful eye on me, while Leyah's eyes become more suspicious than anything.

"Or better yet...Did you two have a fight? You and Darren I mean." Her face finally showing some interest for her best guy friend. I shrug nonchalantly, trying to play it cool. "I wouldn't call it a fight. We had...a disagreement."

"Otherwise known as a fight." Leyah adds flatly.

"Okay we had a spat. It was no big deal. I will talk to him and get everything straightened out soon. That good with you?" I announce with wide, defensively eyes.

"You don't have to prove anything to me Char. You know that." Leyah loses interest and stares back at her pancakes. I wish Darren saw it that way.

"Yes...I do." I look down guiltily. I pay for our food and convince the girls to take this train to the park. "Come on girls, it'll be fun. Like our own little road trip!"

"You don't wear heels on road trips."

"Vicky I swear to God-"

"I'm sorry! My feet hurt. I swear the next time you say 'I have a surprise' I'm staying the fuck in bed." Everyone starts to laugh at Vicky's pain. "I don't know what the fucks so funny." she grumbles from the back of our group.

We arrive at the park. I lead the girls to the meeting spot Mr. Bernard told me about, the main fountain in the center of the park. As we approach we can see a middle aged man with dark brown, graying hair standing near the fountain. "That's him." Leyah says next to me. He's wearing a baby blue button up shirt, a gray V-neck sweater and gray slacks and of course a high tech camera hanging from his neck. Basically he looks like a hot dad out of a Home Goods magazine. Nice.

"Mr. Bernard." I say as I approach, putting on my best communications voice.

"Ms. Galloway?" He looks up and goes to shake my hand. "Yes. Just call me Char though. You've met the girls." I shake his hand and gesture to my crew. They wave.

"Yes, hello again." He smiles. Nice so far.

"So let's talk about how we're going to do this. Yeah?" We sit on two benches that are conveniently next to each other and curved inward. "So what is your brand?" What?

"Our brand?" I ask him and then turn to the girls for help. They are no help. "Yes. What are you about?" He elaborates. OH! Why didn't he just say that?

"Oh! Well we're a punk rock girl band. We sometime make pop rock music as well." I give a sweet close mouthed smile. Mr. Bernard makes a face that suggests he's been caught off guard. "Oh...I didn't see that at the blues hall two days ago." he sneers as if he's been mislead.

Well then.

"We're sorry if you got the wrong idea, we had to change our style a little but we are a punk band." I smile trying to give this man the benefit of the doubt for our bands sake.

"Well alright." He looks down in thought. "Um...what is your collective aesthetic?"

"You're lookin' at it." I say proudly. He studies each of us, eyebrows and unimpressed. "I see."

Who the fuck does this dude think he is?

I send my members an 'are you kidding me?' expression when Mr. Bernard's head is turned and they return the gesture. "Oh well..."

Oh well?!

"Uhhh...The fan-base! How broad is your fan-base?" Is he asking us how successful we are?

"I don't see what that has to do with these photos..." My friendly smile falling.

"Oh well it'll let me know what kind of audience I'm dealing with and how to go about the aesthetics if we were to continue and come to an agreement."

This old head is so full of shit I can smell it on his breath.

"We have at least three hundred people come to our sets, we have over one million Twitter followers and over two million subscribers on Youtube." Why am I entertaining this? Because we need these professional photos. Oh yeah.

Mr. Bernard's face drops considerably once more. "I see..."

If he says 'I see'. One. More. Time.

"Do you even have the money to pay me for my services?" He asks doubtingly.

He. Did. Not. Just-

"You never talked about a price? How much are you asking for?" Leyah thankfully jumped while I simmered down on my own.

"Well I'm a professional so...." Yeah, a professional asshole. "I was expecting a pay of $900 in advance and then we could go from there." He says calmly. My eyes widen and my eyebrows rocket sky high.

"You were actually expecting $900 and then some from a rock band that's just getting their start and lives in a hotel?" I exaggerated.

"Well, yes." He shrugged.

"Well, We're sorry sir, but we don't have that kind of money." Leyah shares indifferently.

Mr. Bernard looks down and sighs while adjusting his sweater. "Well, I'm sorry ladies, but it looks like we won't be doing business together." He gets up and goes to shake my hand. I just look at his hand and then up at him not saying a word.

"Uh-thanks for the opportunity sir." Vicky picks up my slack and even shakes his hand, sending him on his way. I just shake my head back and forth in disbelief. "I'm sorry for dragging you guys here." I say looking down.

"No it was my fault. I set this up." Leyah tries to comfort me. "He approached you Leyah, you were trying to-" "No, I still made this p-"

"It's nobody's fault! You both tried to better the group and that's all that matters." Carrie jumps in. "Yeah guys. We're better off anyway. Let's just go home." Vicky offers.

"You're right. Someone call the guys." I say causing the girls to look at me curiously. "I thought you didn't want us-"

"I know what I said, I just...Just do it please? I'm too bummed out to argue." I rub my forehead out of stress. "Okay then. Just hang tight." Leyah steps away, I assume, to call the boys. Soon enough she is gathering the girls to find Darren and Kyle at a corner of the park. I continue ignore Darren as I  enter the van, but it's not as if I said hi to Kyle either. On the way back to the hotel and trying not to think about how depressed I feel, I get an idea.

"Guys we should go out tonight." Multiple pairs of eyes whip in my direction. "Out where?" Vicky asks already on board with my suggestion it seems. "I don't know, like a club or a bar or something. I just wanna forget about this and have some fun." I explain.

"Are we invited?" I hear Darren from the driver's seat, peering at me through the rear view mirror patronizingly. "Yes." I answer simply, not in the mood for Darren's shit after that performance from Asshole Bernard. "I'm down." Kyle offers.

"Yeah me too. We haven't been out clubbing unless it was for a gig." Vicky adds getting a little excited.  My plan is workiiinnngggg, I sang in my head.

"Yeah, why the hell not?" Leyah shrugs along with Carrie.

"Awesome! Now let's go back to the hotel and get dolled up!" The group laughs at my enthusiasm.

We pull up to the hotel and I fly out of the car, filled with a newfound energy. My mood is no longer ruined because I'm about to go have fun with my girls and I'm inviting a new friend. The girls were so discouraged by that nitwit photographer that I really want to give them some new confidence and I hope J-Hope can help with that. I mean there's hope in his name, he's gotta be good for something right?

While looking for an outfit I text J-Hope. Me: Hey! Do you wanna meet somewhere or are you feeling jet lagged?  

He replies after two minutes or so. J-Hope: No I feel just fine *smiley face* Where do you wanna meet?

Me: The Mezzanine? On Jessie st? My friends and I are having a get together there later tonight around 11.

Me: I know you've probably been to better clubs, but it'll be fun I promise. I write last minute, trying to persuade him further.

J-Hope: Haha, no worries the Mezzanine is great. I'll be there.

My excitement immediately goes through the roof. Me: Oh okay see you there then.

J-Hope: Can't wait  *winky face*  I roll my eyes and continue getting dressed.

      After putting my look together I give one last twirl in the mirror and head out to the family room to pregame with the guys. The group was already taking shots to the head and listening to music, already dressed to go out. I look around to make sure someone is sober enough to drive and all I find is Darren. Not drinking or laughing with the others, but keeping to himself. I slowly approach him.

"So...uh..." I start getting his attention. He looks up at me with interest and then each of us simultaneously looks down when we realize how awkward this encounter is. "So your good to drive...right?" I look up briefly and start to play with my nails. I see him nod from the corner of my eye. "Yeah-uh...yeah I got it. Don't worry." He rubs the back of his neck. "Kaybye." I nod walking over to the girls and take a shot.

Thirty minutes later it's a little before 11 and we're heading out to the club. There's an area for a live band to play and another for the DJ, who's playing now, along with a huge dance floor of people surrounded by tables and booths on the sidelines and a lighted bar that takes up the entire back wall. The place is packed wall to wall with bodies and we struggle to cut through.

Who do I talk to, to get a gig here? There are so many people.

We grab a small, round, tall table with no chairs. Leyah goes to the bar to get our usual drink orders. Soon we're all singing along and dancing to the music. I'm even dancing and talking to Darren like nothing ever happened between us. We retire back to the table and the girls tell Darren and Kyle about why we're even here.

"Wait! So he just said 'fuck ya'll and left?'" Darren iterates, in disbelief making me laugh. "Uhh, not in so many words." I say. "That's still fucked up." Darren shakes his head and sips his drink. "Yeah that wasn't right." Kyle throws his two cents in. "You're telling us." Carrie drones as I get a text.

J-Hope: I'm here. Meet me outside? I smile at the screen and turn my attention to my friends. "Guys! I'm gonna step out, I'll be right back!" I yell over the music and head out to find J-Hope. I find him just outside the transparent door of the club turned away from me and I begin to panic.

Oh god. I haven't seen this guy in a week, how the fuck do I approach him? Do I fucking wave like a jackass? Do I hug him? Do I shake his goddamn hand?  Get it together Char, you're an adult!

I continue to walk while I freak out, not knowing how this is going to go. I exit the club and walk towards him. "J-Hope!" I shout as I approach and to my surprise (and delight), J-Hope goes right in for the hug with no hesitation. Leaving me with no room to be awkward. Thank you sweet baby Jesus. "Charlotte!" He shouts back pulling me into his embrace. I'm not mad about it either. I wrap my arms around his shoulders in response and briefly rest my chin on his shoulder while he gives me a quick squeeze. Oop...okay.

"It's good to see you again. I'm glad you could make it." I say with a genuine smile on my face. "Me too. I mean, I didn't expect you to invite me out before our date tomorrow, but I'm glad you did." He smiles that smile that rivals the sun and I have to tear my eyes away from him in order to lead him to the entrance. "Uh-okay, let's go inside yeah?" He nods and pays the bouncer the club fee and I lead him to my friends who are still talking about the whole photographer thing.

"I'm just sayin', ya'll shoulda called me. I woulda handled 'em!" Darren boasts as we approach the table. The rest of the crew laughs at his words even though we all know he's not joking. His face falls as he notices the stranger walking next to me, the rest of the crew does the same as we get closer. "Guys. This is my friend J-Hope." I say lightheartedly hoping no one chops off my head for bringing an outsider here to our crew's night out.

"Hi everyone." J-Hope waves in my crew's general direction. He fucking waved. How cute is that?

The crew gives blank faces with raised eyebrows and I'm debating whether I should just play this off as a joke and throw J-Hope into the crowd of people behind us, but Carrie speaks up. "Hi, I'm Carrie." She smiles. Thank fuck. The rest of the group starts to introduce themselves except for, of course, Darren who is just sipping away on his pussy ass fruity drink and glaring at J-Hope. This guy.

"So what are you guys talkin' about?" J-Hope asks after getting comfortable and receiving his drink. "This photographer ripped us off and said he would take pictures for our website and get some concept photos done then he straight up insulted us and split!" Vicky shouts communicating with her hands raised high. Vicky might be a little drunk.

"Wait seriously? That sucks." J-Hope offers. "Yeah, no shit." Darren pouts from across the table. J-Hope's head instantly cocks back at the remark and his concerned face turns to a face that reads 'well shit...', but thankfully he doesn't seem that bothered by it. There's no other way to describe it. Leyah promptly slaps Darren on the back of the head. Hard. I give her a look of thanks from across the table.

I lean to speak in J-Hope's ear. "Just ignore him, I do." He looks at me understandingly and nods. "So, uh..." J-Hope starts to group. "Do you guys still need those pictures done? 'Cause I could help with that...I'm a photographer." Oh shit, it's that easy? I mean my plan tonight was to just straight up ask like the good for nothing little shit that I am. But shit, he's offering right off the bat? What did I do to deserve this?

"You would do that?" I ask in disbelief, subconsciously gripping his forearm that rested on the table. He looks at it and then looks at me as if his body is lagging and struggling to keep up with his brain. "Uhhh..." He goes to clear his throat. "Uh--of course--yeah." He looks down at the table as he speaks. We still got it I guess. *Internal hair flip*

"Dude that would be great-" Vicky starts, but is cut off by Darren. "Wait, who even are you?" He all but accuses. "Darren!?" I try to reel him back, already tired of his shit. Both he and J-Hope ignore me, the rest the crew the just watches helplessly.

"I'm, uh, J-Hope. We kind of did this already...Twice." J-Hope states, getting a little fed up himself, but keeping it together well.

"No. I mean who are you? Aren't you like some amateur or something? And what kind of name is J-Hope anyway?" Darren literally points fingers at J-Hope as he speaks. "It's a nickname, my real name is Jung Ho-seok and no, actually I'm a professional." J-Hope's Korean accent shows as he stands his ground and wears a straight face. Hot.

"Where did you even go to school?" Darren continues, refusing to accept J-Hope for some insane reason. "Uh, ha ha..." J-Hope laughs, most-likely out of irritation. "I went to the New York School of Visual Arts." He answers calmly. Well shit.

"Are you happy?" I ask Darren brazenly, hoping for this conversation to be over.

Darren pauses. "What degree did you get?" He asks J-Hope. Jesus bloody Christ!

"Oh my god, does it matter!?" I shout at Darren. "No Charlotte, it's okay." He rests his hand over mine. At his words the entire crews eyes widen and I wish I knew why, but before I could ask J-Hope was answering another one of Darren's idiotic questions and my eyes are glued to J-Hope's hand on mine.

"I have my Masters in photography and my Master of the Arts degree, working on my Photographic Craftsmen degree." He says confidently. Someone just got cuter. Darren just stays silent and Vicky takes that as a chance to speak again. "Master of the Arts sounds so fancy. Like you're royalty." She seems sincerely amazed. J-Hope laughs, letting down his defensive demeanor. "Uh, not royalty, but it wasn't easy to get."

"So you'll really do this for us?" Leyah cuts in with her solemn disposition. "Well yeah, you guys seem like you could use a break and I'm a professional-"

"A break? How much are you gonna charge us?" Leyah expression perks up in anticipation, as do the rest of the girls. "Well, I wouldn't, essentially." What?

"Wait, no. We can't let you do that." I interject. He turns to me and looks me in the eyes, our hands still connected. "Of course you can. Like I said you all need a break and this step could bring you closer to getting the recognition you deserve." He broke eye contact to look at the rest of the girls. "I'm a professional, I promise they won't be bad." He laughs at his minor joke and Darren obnoxiously laughs as well.

"It's up to you, leader." Leyah directs at me. Okay then. "You got yourself a deal." I smiled at him and he smiled back, the whites of his eyes disappearing with the crinkles in the corners. "I look forward to doing business with you guys." He gives the girls a genuine smile. "I'll work out a photo shoot soon, just let me know what time is good for you ladies." he says getting into his professional mode. "We will." I speak for the girls. "Good, hey Charlotte?" J-Hope leans down to my ear giving me chills down my spine. What a pussy. "Yeah?" He leans down once more, this time closer than before. "Do you wanna dance, maybe?" he says as he gently squeezes my hand on the table.

My eyes immediately widen and I swear to God I forgot to breathe. My heart gave one hard thud and brought me back to reality. "Fuck..." I voice in reaction to my tiny episode. "Is that a no?" J-Hope laughs in my ear. That motherfucker.

"Yes, you idiot. That was a yes." I get in his face in a playful manor. He smirks and says "Lead the way." I turn to my friends. "Guys. We're gonna go dance. Be right back." I shout to them. Carrie and Kyle nod once in acknowledgement. Leyah and Vicky both squint their eyes and give me knowing grins. I grin back and then my eyes land on Darren. His expression is frozen in a scowl with glaring eyes directed at the table. I shrug and lead J-Hope to the crowded dance floor by his hand.

Once there, I continue to hold onto J-Hope's hand and partake in a little two-step. J-Hope does the same. We watch each other, eyes meeting occasionally, resulting in laughter. Soon enough J-Hope is pulling me towards him, spinning me so that my back was to his chest and we proceeded to sway in this position. He runs his finger tips down my arm causing goosebumps to sprout along that area and rests his big hand on my hip. That's how you wanna play?

I make a show of swaying my hips, angling them in his direction and reach up to wrap my hand around J-Hope's neck behind me, forcing his face to come down to my level more. In the midst of my teasing I could swear I heard a moan come from J-Hope. Mission Accomplished. I turn my head to his to see him already looking at me with lust filled eyes. I'm certain I'm returning  a similar look. J-Hope takes this as a signal to lean in and try to kiss me, slightly closing his eyes and I panic a little. 

I let him get close enough for our lips to almost brush before I put my index finger in between. He opens his eyes in shock, surveying my reaction. "You didn't think it was gonna be that easy did you?" I offer teasingly. His shocked expression relaxes into one of understanding. "Of course not." J-Hope laughs. We dance like this for another ten minutes before I decide to head back to table and hear that the band is ready to go. This doesn't surprise me, but I am a little disappointed at the news.

The band plus Darren and Kyle are walking to the van, J-Hope and I following a little behind the group. "Thank you for inviting me out tonight. I wasn't expecting it because of our date, but I had fun." J-Hope shared. "No problem. I'm glad you could come out since you just got back and all." I reply, genuinely happy he could make it. "Oh, well, that was no problem at all...I like spending time with you." I immediately stop focusing on the ground to meet J-Hope's eyes. 

"Thanks...ditto." J-Hope laughs at my reply while I laugh self consciously not knowing what else to do. The crew reached the van in front of us. Leyah, Carrie, Vicky and Kyle yell varying forms of "goodbye" to J-Hope from where they were standing while Darren just hopped into the drivers seat and waited. J-Hope just waves. They start piling in and J-Hope and I stop to say goodbye to each other.

"So I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight?" J-Hope confirms. "Yup. And you'd better not be late." I say waving my finger accusingly in the air at him. He laughs and says "I wouldn't dare. As a matter of fact I'll show up at 7:59. How about that?" He smirks, taking a step closer to me.

"Yeah, okay. We'll see."

"We will." J-Hope doesn't hesitate this time to kiss me on the cheek and I am not complaining.

"Goodnight Charlotte."

"Goodnight J-Hope." I walk to the van as J-Hope watches and as soon as I get in we take off instantly.

"So who the fuck was he and when did you meet?" I hear Vicky chide next to me. Oh sweet baby Jesus.

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story, Part 17

I remember there was one night specifically, where I tried putting make up on for the first time. I had been having a strange time looking into the mirror into myself. I could watch television at my mom's in her sad little trailer, or I could go to my room after eating a large meal my father had prepared. But I was starting to grow a certain level of self awareness. Love, and even puppy love or whathaveyou can do that to a person I feel. You become aware of who you are as a person in a way that you weren't aware of prior. Because of my affections – crazy obsession as it became, with Kyle, I felt like something had happened to my thinking. I felt like there was another version of me, possibly many versions, all waiting their turns to come out. I spent a long time looking into them mirror into my own eyes. One night, I dared to do the unthinkable. I put makeup on. It was just some crummy brown eye shadow my mother had been hauling with her from place to place since the nineties. And some dark red lipstick. I put the make up on and I felt like it matched me better somehow. It felt right on me. I didn't dare wear make up to school at this point, at least not yet. It would seem tacky. There was a girl in my class who started doing it all at once and it was all in a desperate hope that a boy, any boy would think she was hot and immediately want to date her. I didn't want people to think that this is what I was up to as well, and to be fair, my ventures into my mother's little boxes in the cupboards by the sink were motivated more by identity and curiosity than anything. Then again, I did hope that I would be seen as beautiful. Still, it wasn't like I was Whitney or something.

I kept my crush on Kyle to myself at first, but eventually my giddiness got the best of me and I let Sarah know about it, and I let her know she could tell Samantha. I thought it would be exciting to tell Sarah. It didn't really end up that way. She had a certain attitude about it that felt like belittling. It's hard to explain. It wasn't like she was jealous or anything, but like it wasn't real, or it was ammunition in some way to make me feel embarrassed. She would start making sex jokes which made me extremely uncomfortable. They were for one, slightly mean spirited, and for two, I wasn't thinking about sex at all. This made no sense to Sarah. She'd always thought about sex in association with her crushes, and the same went with Samantha. I mystified them both, and neither one of them really saw my situation as legitimate somehow. Which made me mad, because I was a preteen kind of and felt I needed the validation of my friends. Why was my crush so illegitimate?

Sarah-Mae probably doesn't remember any of this, but she then went around and kept making super obvious jokes about me having a crush on Kyle in front of him and other boys, who turned around and heard it. I watched their heads turn. It was always something that sounded dirty too, about penises and nudity. I felt this sharp frustration and panic set in. Why was she doing this? I ended up instinctively being mean right back, making comments about her face that were less than heartwarming in front of people. I wanted to get Kyle's attention but not like that. Humor seemed like my best bet, since Kyle seemed to think I was pretty funny thus far. I had no popularity, no real beauty, I wasn't easy. But I could be the main course of entertainment if I wanted to be. Before and after school, I spent a fair amount of time working out a comedy routine centered around what I understood he would like. I thought of ways to answer questions, phrases to throw out, ways to react that would be the most funny and endearing to him. I would have tried to find ways to include in conversations I had with friends, but given Sarah's strange problem with me liking Kyle, I didn't think that would be best in this given circumstance.

This all came to a head once, when we were talking and walking through the gymnasium to get to class. Sarah was making fun of me, and I remember her raising her voice, and she said 'WELL RENEE, WE ALL KNOW YOU WANT TO SUCK KYLE'S!... and I instantly snapped, and shoved her on the ground. Sarah was shocked with tears in her eyes. She later on denied having ever said what she was starting to say. But I felt that she was just defending herself on this as to not blame herself. Truly, she probably forgot after that. I know different, and remember I looked down at small Sarah-Mae, on the floor with tears in her eyes, confused and in shock and pain. I felt badly – scared even. I was much stronger than her. I had never even thought to do that and it seemed to happen sporadically. It had just happened. I felt like her loud intentional jokes were ruining my life. Maybe I was beginning to snap a little bit. We made amends, and to her credit, she was a little better about the jokes after that, though honestly, that situation had created a scene and too much had been said already.

The secret must not get out. I didn't know how to precede from there. In my mind I felt like he could never find out – and yet how I hoped we would begin dating was beyond me. How do people hook up? I wondered (and still sometimes wonder). It was probably too late though. I think that Kyle's first real friend in the class, Andrew (the one that climbed things) knew because he had heard Sarah. He was very hyperactive, a little nosy, and he liked to run his mouth. The only positive in that was that other kids in the class disregarded his word. So while Kyle might be taken in by what he would have to say, he might grow to doubt it. I knew Andrew knew though. And this horrified me to no end. Sarah didn't think anyone had heard, but I had seen his eyes glimmer with intrigue when she kept hooking me and Kyle up in bad jokes.

I started bringing interesting objects to school. I noticed that Kyle liked props. He liked gadgets. So I brought my oversized pencil to school, and the next day I brought my oversized paperclip, and then my oversized eraser. The next week I brought my fake Willy Wonka ticket. It worked well. He seemed to get a kick out of this. I felt my heart swell with joy at his approval. I was beyond words when I got home. My daily MS Paint comics of course began to include him. But then, I would also stare despondently, and realize that Kyle seemed to be interested in someone else. He seemed to really like me, and at moments, I saw a warm glow in his eyes. But sometimes when he looked at Mary, he seemed completely entranced. Mary was a popular girl in our class. She dated each boy for two weeks on principle, except Zack who would have rejected her anyway. So I knew it was just a matter of time. I didn't feel jealous exactly, but frustrated. I had to keep his attention in someway. Mary was prettier than me yes. But was she more interesting? Could she make him laugh? No. I would have sold my soul for his attention. The fact that he gave me any attention at all was a miracle in my eyes. I had garnered little to no attention from any boy in my school. And then suddenly I like someone and they just happen to have a small fixation with me in return?! What's the deal with that? And what on earth is the likelihood? In my eyes, there could be no other reason than destiny.

Andrew though, he knew. One fateful day, I was sitting two rows over from Kyle and Andrew. I actually heard Andrew say “Renee has a crush on you.”, Kyle shrugged it off. He seemed to think it was a funny joke. He half believed it. I was stone faced. I felt like I was melting. I put my head down and pretended not to hear. I could feel myself mentally shutting down. I was numb all over. There was a bunch of pointing at me and laughing in my general direction. What a fool I had been?! How could I have ever for a single moment thought I was worthy of Kyle's regard?? I got up to pretend I was doing something, like sharpen my pencil. Before I got up, I think I heard Andrew say “Watch this!” When I got back to my desk, Andrew was standing there, nice cologne smell, wintergreen gum and all. I felt numb and frightened that he was going to make a scene and spill my secret to everyone. My bones were wobbly. I was merely waiting for my own demise at this point. Kyle was looking at me intently, but I had no idea what for. Andrew stood in my way sort of, and when I got close to my desk he said “Sit down RENEE”, with a big grin.

If I had been any more equip to deal with what life threw at me at the time, I would have had the common sense to look down at the seat. I promptly sat down. I felt like if I gave any trouble at all, if I made one wrong move, he would make my secret more pronounced. Andrew looked like the wind was knocked out of him, he was gasping so hard. Kyle was laughing but looked shocked and a little hurt with guilt. At first, I had no idea why they were responding to me like this. I guess I was just that nervous that I literally became like a board. I could not read my situation well at all. Andrew had spit his gum on my seat. And I hadn't just sat on it in a way where it was stuck to my butt. Andrew's gum was stuck to the crotch area of my jeans. I figured it out because I could smell it. Andrew and Kyle sat down. They were then talking quietly among themselves. They kept looking at me nervously. I don't believe either one of them had intended for me to be so unassuming as to actually sit on Andrew's strategically placed wad of chewed up gum.

I realized too late. And Andrew and Kyle were both dealing with weird guilt for having participated in this prank. They didn't realize that it would go onto that part of my pants. Nowadays, if someone did that to me, I would be pretty forward about it. I would probably pull it right off that part, and throw it at them. But at the time, this would have meant that I had to pull Andrews disgusting chewed up saliva gum off the vagina area of my jeans exactly and that seemed extremely inappropriate and an implication of something sexual. There was no right answer for me. I felt humiliated and incredibly ashamed. I felt like the sinking Titanic. For the rest of my classes, I could feel the gum there and the wintergreen smell makes me a little sick to this day, and yet I didn't have a decent time to go to the bathroom and dispose of it. I was shaking. I was afraid that if I said one word to anyone I would start to cry. Kyle looked at me once in the hallway with our lockers and looked away. I could tell he felt bad, but wanted to pretend it hadn't happened.

After a million years, it was finally 3:15 and I could go home. When I numbly and remotely got into my bedroom, I tore off the jeans, and I immediately crumpled to the floor in tears. I felt ugly, gross, and sexually harassed against my will. Kyle would never love me now. He knew how I felt. He knew how gross I was. If there was ever a decent time to reject me, now would be the perfect time. Now things had gotten really serious and we shared this embarrassing knowledge about me on top of all that, so there was no way to proceed with any sense of good feeling. It wasn't my fault, but somehow I felt like it had been. I felt sick with shame and embarrassment. For an instance, I honestly wondered if I should move in with my mother and go to a new school. I didn't think I could walk into class again after that. I played sick for a few days, and then the weekend happened. It would be one more week until Christmas Break, so there was that – and that might have been what kept me. I really didn't know how I was going to pull off making Kyle fall in love with me now though.

Sarah didn't seem to half believe my story about the gum when I finally told her. She didn't think I had heard what I heard, simply because she didn't believe that Andrew had heard her say stuff about me and Kyle. Had I not been able to concretely tell her that I pulled what was clearly Andrew's choice of gum off the crotch of my pants when I got home, I don't know that she would have believed any of it. Her denial helped me get back to school though, so I guess that was good. Kyle didn't really talk to me in the halls. It was the last week of school before our two and a half weeks of winter break. So the hallways were decorated. We had no homework, and classes were either having their final tests, or else people were piling into different classrooms to watch different Christmas movies. Samantha and Sarah found Katie. Katie and I still really hadn't talked since my birthday in August. I didn't know if she liked me or not. I think we were watching the Grinch, which was brand new at the time, with Jim Carrey as the Grinch. It was an annoying film. Kyle came into the dark room, and he sat in front of me. I tried so very hard not to look at him, to study his hair, his back, his arms. It wasn't that I was taking a sexual interest, but I definitely was attracted to him. I probably stared at him for the entire movie. After school, Sarah and I walked together and as we did so, we could see Kyle walking ahead of us. I remember his yellow and blue shirt, his green coat, his white shoes. There was nothing about him I didn't like! Why was this already ruined for me? And yet, somehow I couldn't just turn off my interest in him. There was no switch I could find in my head that would simply make myself not think about him. I had to endure somehow. I didn't really have a choice. I had to live with what was known and make the best of it. Somewhere in myself I just had to find the courage to use my disadvantages to my benefit. Still, I didn't imagine he would want to talk to me for a long time.

That Christmas was incredibly unpleasant. We had Christmas in my mother's trailer. My dad had Christmas over at Jodi's. Then he picked us up at my mom's and would take us home to have a small family Christmas dinner. My mom was pissed that we even were having Christmas. She kept shaming us as we opened the gifts that “she really didn't have the money for this shit!”. David was completely mean that morning. David always woke up horrible. Probably due to my own negative influence, David tried to hit Allison for accidentally opening a present out of turn. He was shrieking and acting insane. My mom started to punish Allison. This of course, made me angry, so I stood up and grabbed David, knocked him down and started whipping him. My mom told me she wished I wasn't in their lives. This made me cry and throw her gift that she didn't even want to buy me at her. By the time my father came to pick us up, all three of us had tear stained eyes. I have had worse Christmas's though. This was far from the worst I have had.

On one of the days between Christmas and New Year's it snowed heavily. Near my house has always been the ideal areas for sledding, since there are so many downhill slopes. On my way down the hill from having spent the night at Sarah's house, I noticed that Kyle and his little brothers were outside with sleds. Kyle had a new coat – probably bought for him as a Christmas gift. I was deeply embarrassed to walk past him, but I did so anyway. There wasn't much choice. When I walked past, his eyes gleamed up at me intently. “Hi”, he said to me. He said it very nicely. I didn't say hi back though. I think I might have said “No”. Which, why would I say something like that? I was then instantly thrown into an inner dialogue of self frustration. I seemed to have no control of how I responded to him. When I was around him, I think I was started to become filled with my own insecurity. I could not handle his kindness, or anyone's for that matter. It was so much easier for me to be the butt end of a joke. When someone was nice to me, I really didn't know how to handle that. Kyle had in all earnest said hi to me like an equal and a friend. He almost dare I say, looked like he wanted me to go sledding with him. He liked me. Maybe not like, liked, but something kind of strange had happened between the gum incident and that day. I really thought that had ruined my chances, and maybe in some ways it had, but as it turns out, sometimes any kind of event that becomes tied with secrecy, or strong feelings of any kind will bring people closer together. It had given me a place in his feelings. The whole gum thing actually seemed to work like a spell. I didn't understand that at the time, but having more understanding of situational stuff, I get that now. Making someone else temporarily uncomfortable can sometimes be a good thing if  you do it right.

I saw him a few more times that winter break. Each time he said hi to me. Or smiled at me. He looked like he wanted to talk to me. I would run up to Sarah and beg her to tell me what I should do. She had no real answers. I wondered if this was how people hooked up. I didn't even want to kiss him or anything. I just wanted to be his friend. But I wanted him not to like Mary too. It was a lot of pressure, living this life dependent on the responses or lackthereof of another person. But at the same time, there was this warm confidence in me that told me that all of this was destiny. Kyle was my soulmate. We would end up together, just you wait. I just had to have more faith and quit doubting it, or the whole thing would be ruined.

This entirely new structure of life was changing me. And for this reason, for the first time, I decided to rearrange my room. It was New Years. I could early on in the night, look down and see from my window, Kyle and his family. The sight of him brought me a great amount of peace. There seemed to be a mystical drive to the entire act of doing this. I cleaned the suicide letters out from under the bed. I realized that I wasn't writing as many anymore. I vacuumed. I cleaned up the wrappers, organized my books by alphabet. Untangled the chords, and structured and cleaned my clothes. The light bulb in my room had gone out, so I lit some candles instead. Goodbye 2001. I remembered that I had started to listen to Linkin Park around this time (yuck), and In the End was a very popular song. I listened that, and Nickelback (yuck ew). I had never felt like I was taking control of my life in any way, and now I found something/someone that would fulfill my existence.

What I was probably actually doing, in a lazy future armchair psychiatrist terms, is simply focusing on someone else because focusing on myself for what I was was too painful. I was placing all my hopes and dreams onto someone else to fix. I was promising myself a future that would undo the damage of the past. And I was probably focusing on getting attention from Kyle because I was sorely being neglected by my family, had been for several years. Which, in the long term would actually culminate into something deeply unhealthy.

.. if for some reason you happen to like my story thus far, and are interested in the beginning up to this point, here are the other parts i’ve written so far..

PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw  

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8