#malex prompt

[lost-in-fandoms]

for @maxybabyy who asked for arguably my favorite 1D song, aka A.M., from this

we're just swimming 'round in our glasses, talking out of our asses

A different night, a different hotel room, a different city lighting up the sky outside his window.

There's a buzz under Max's skin, tiredness mixing with red bull and vodka, making him feel like he should be sleeping and at his most awake at the same time. The condensation of his glass sticks to his skin, a droplet running down his wrist, his brain bringing up images of wet visors in the rain, sleepy car rides in beat up vans.

Daniel is still giggling on the couch next to him about something Max has already forgotten saying, lamplight bouncing around the lines of his face.

"Earth to Maxy!"

Max blinks, focusing on the hand Daniel is waving in front of his face, snapping his head forward as if to bite it, making him laugh again, too loud for the late hour.

"Falling asleep? Want me to go?"

Max knows it's a joke (is it a joke? he thinks it's a joke), but he can't help his frown, putting down his drink to wrap both his hands around Daniel's knees.

"No, stay."

Daniel's expression changes, shifting into something softer and private, reaching forward again but this time to pat Max's cheek, thumb rubbing along his cheekbone.

"Oh!" Max exclamation breaks the moment, Daniel sitting back as Max reaches for his phone, "I need to show you...hold on...!"

He scrolls through his phone, clicking in and out conversation threads.

"So, I was talking to Gianni about drugs, because, you know? And he sent me the craziest thing, and I..."

Max keeps talking, moving his phone around too much for Daniel to really focus on what he's trying to show him, but that's okay, that's not the point. The point is being sat here, a little tipsy, a little happy, having Daniel looking at him the same way he always has, like he wants to be here. Like Max is what makes him stay. Like maybe, if they try hard enough, everything is always going to be this way.

[bekkachaos]

45, 51 for buddie or malex

Have both! Same vibes anyway x

51. “I’m your husband. It’s my job.” Buddie

Eddie had been ever so slightly crabby with Buck since they got home from their shift.

Buck knew why of course. He had almost been hit by a van on one of their last calls. In his defence, it was going to clip the back of the ambulance and cause a lot more damage than was already on scene, so he stepped out into the road and waved it down.

It wasn't his fault that the driver was staring at the incident and not the road ahead where Buck stood, finally slamming on the breaks a little too late and causing Chimney to need to yank Buck out of the way just moments before he would have been given a hard bump. Even if it had hit him, he would have been fine, by that point it had slowed down enough that at worst he would have had the wind knocked out of him.

But it all worked out, Buck was uninjured, the ambulance wasn't involved in a vehicular collision, and Chim could now go home and tell Maddie that he heroically saved her brother on the job (at least that was how he was putting it).

Even still, Eddie was crabby, and Buck knew there was a lecture coming. Because Eddie had been stood right there watching with his heart in his throat as the van inched closer to Buck as if in slow motion, while he just stood there in front of it.

"Like an idiot," he said after Buck had hit him with the 'can we please just get the argument over with so we can kiss and make up', knowing it would make Eddie snap and spill his feelings.

"We had a patient in the ambulance," Buck reasoned, and Eddie scoffed.

"With minor injuries," Eddie said, staring him down with his hands folded across his chest. "Who, if the ambulance had been hit, would have been fine. Can't say the same about you if you had been pinned between the ambulance and another vehicle."

"I mean at least emergency services were already on scene," Buck said, trying to lighten the mood, obviously in the wrong way as Eddie's nostrils flared back at him. "Eds I'm fine, everything was fine."

Eddie sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes and nodded.

"I know," he looked back up at him with troubled eyes. "I know. Doesn't mean I don't get a little worked up when I see you in a situation like that."

Buck just smiled, knowing exactly how Eddie felt, because he was exactly the same. Though where Eddie responded by working himself up into knots of frustration, Buck usually just became overly affectionate and wanted to stay in Eddie's arms until the fear in his chest subsided, irrational as that was.

"You don't need to be so worried all the time," Buck said. "Occasionally, I know what I'm doing."

Eddie looked back at him with one hand rested on the counter and the other on his hip as he took in a deep breath.

"Yeah well," he smiled warmly. "I'm your husband. It's my job."

He didn't miss the way Buck's eyes got brighter and his chest swelled. His mouth curved in a goofy smile and Eddie just narrowed his eyes at him.

"What's that look?" he asked, making Buck shrug.

"Just that I'll never get tired of hearing that," Buck stared back at him adoringly, as if that would stop Eddie's

"What? Me being worried about you doing something dumb?" Eddie gave him a grin, eyebrows shooting up as Buck lunged in and grabbed him by the hips.

"Your husband," he said, cutting off Eddie's reply with his lips, sliding his hands around to Eddie's lower back and holding his body tightly against him.

Eddie hummed out what was supposed to be a laugh, stifled by Buck's lips and then swallowed down as his tongue parted them so sweetly. His firm hands reached up to cup Buck's face between them, fingertips caressing gently through the soft curls at the nape of his neck.

"Nice try," he said as he pulled away just a few inches, thumb grazing Buck's chin with a narrowing of his eyes, but the softest of smiles on his mouth. "I'm still mad at you."

The way he melted into their kiss seemed to negate that point.

45. “You look pretty hot in plaid.” Malex

Alex checked his reflection in the tiny mirror in the hall as he waited for Michael to finish getting ready. He had a dark line of eyeliner under each eye, a fake nose piercing not unlike the one he had when he was a teenager, and he'd even styled his hair (as opposed to brushing it and letting it fall where it chose to).

It was Max's birthday party and the theme was 'seventeen again'. Michael kept complaining that he didn't know why they had to have a theme, to which Alex would say he didn't know why he cared seeing as he never fully committed to party themes anyway. He also didn't know what was taking him so long to get ready given that fact.

"Michael come on," he said, giving himself one last look in the mirror and wishing the eyeliner had come out more even on the left side as he turned to look towards the open door to the bedroom. "We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago."

"It's not that far, we'll be fine," he scuffed his feet on the floor as he walked out in his blue jeans, grey shirt and long sleeved plaid button up, left open with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows.

Alex looked him up and down a moment as he got closer. He would have scolded him for his lack of effort, but in Michael's defence, he looked exactly like he did in high school. He would have to fight him to keep the cowboy hat off his head (as much as Alex loved it, Michael didn't start favouring it until after they left high school). Still, he looked good. He always did.

"What?" Michael put his hands out questioningly as he got closer to him.

"Is this as close as you get to nineties chic?" Alex asked as the corner of his mouth quirked in a smile and his fingers toyed with the collar of Michael's shirt.

"This is what I had in my closet," Michael shrugged, his eyes raking over Alex's face as his hands reached for his waist. "Surprised you never saw it in there, it's been there for years."

"You're such a comedian," Alex shook his head.

"Something wrong with what I'm wearing?" Michael cocked an eyebrow, head tilting back as if he was goading Alex into

"I never said that," Alex smiled, looking him up and down before shooting him a smirk. "You look pretty hot in plaid."

"You should see how I look out of it," Michael grinned.

He started to pull Alex closer but his hand pressed firmly against Michael's shoulder.

"Oh, I have," he said, unable to hide his smile at the pout on Michael's lips. "But we're going to be late if we don't leave now."

"It's Max's birthday, he'll have another one," Michael snorted.

"And you can get naked in a few hours," Alex said with a chuckle.

This time he was unprepared for the way Michael tugged at his hips, stumbling into him before rolling his eyes.

"That a promise?" he said, a seductive lilt to his voice that although had been heard many, many times before still turned Alex's insides to jelly.

He pulled a face like he was thinking about it, contemplating it. Then he reached out and took hold of each side of the plaid button up in tight fists, his tongue running over his lip as his eyes lingered a moment too long on Michael's.

"I don't know," he said. "Wouldn't mind if you kept this on."

Michael chuckled, leaning in to kiss him softly. Even if he did have the urge to drag him back to bed right then and there, he knew they really did have somewhere to be.

"If you don't wash off that black eyeliner then I can maybe make that work," he mumbled against Alex's lips, feeling the rush of air against his cheeks as he let out a laugh.

He hummed appreciatively as he gave Michael another lingering kiss, moaning slightly irritably as he pulled away from him.

"Let's go," he said. "Before I let you convince me to make an un-fashionably late arrival."

"And here I was thinking you had steel resolve," Michael grinned.

"Out, now."

send me a prompt and a ship and I'll write you a drabble x

[justlightlysedated]

9 for Malex

9…in public

They've only been back in Roswell for about four hours, and Alex is already wondering what would be the best way to convince his husband to go on a second extended honeymoon.

It's not that he didn't miss his house, and his friends. He's just not ready to share Michael's attention with anyone after nearly a year of it being focused entirely on him.

Alex is sitting in one of the back booths in the Pony, holding his half-empty, lukewarm bottle of beer to his cheek as he stares at Michael, leaning against the bar talking animatedly to Bonnie. Their friends are scattered all over the bar, and Alex could be talking to someone else, busy catching up himself, but instead he'd declined Kyle's offer to play pool and had just stayed sitting in the booth, surrounded by empty glasses, waiting for Michael to come back.

Which doesn't take much longer, even though Alex feels like it's been forever. Bonnie gets distracted with a customer, and Michael's eyes sweep across the room, looking for him, and finding him exactly where he left him.

Alex doesn't bother to hide the fact that he's been staring at him the entire time.

Michael smiles and then hits the bar twice, a code for see you later, before he pushes away from the bar and makes his way back to Alex. 

Alex watches his approach with interest, eyes never straying away as he gets closer. He puts the bottle down on top of the table and turns to Michael who slides into the booth right next to him, mouth open like he's about to say something, but Alex is sliding into his space, touching his fingers to Michael's cheek, and pressing a kiss to Michael's bottom lip.

Michael makes an aborted sound at the back of his throat, but lifts his hands to frame Alex's jaw, kissing him back immediately.

Alex smiles which separates their mouths momentarily. Michael makes a protesting sound and slides his hands to the back of Alex's neck, kissing him again. 

Alex melts into the kiss, wrapping one arm around Michael's shoulders to pull him in even closer and sliding his other hand through Michael's hair.

Michael kisses him, deep and wet, licking into his mouth in a way that is not suited for public consumption, not that Alex actually cares about what's suitable to do in public.

Michael pulls away slowly, a satisfied curl to his mouth, and Alex just tugs him back into another kiss, just as deep and all consuming as Michael's.

When he pulls away, Michael's eyes are glazed, and his lips are parted.

Alex smiles, moving his hand to rub his fingers down Michael's throat.

"What was that for?" Michael asks, voice low as he drops his forehead to Alex and slides his hands down to wrap his arms around Alex's back.

"I missed you," Alex says.

"That's disgusting," Isobel pronounces as she drops down to sit across from them.

Alex ignores her, "Wanna get out of here?"

Michael smiles widely, opening his mouth, but Isobel cuts in once again.

"Um, no," she answers for Michael. "You've had him all to yourself for a year Manes. It's time to share."

"Guerin," both Michael and Alex correct her, giving her the same exasperated look before turning back to each other.

"Two more hours," Michael responds. "I promised Valenti I'd kick his ass all over the pool table."

"No way," Isobel cuts in again. "We made plans for the whole night."

Michael is giving Alex a pleading expression, and Alex hums, displeased.

"What are the chances that I can convince you to take a second extended honeymoon?" Alex asks.

Michael's eyes scrunch up with glee as he smiles while Isobel starts to protest. "We've only been back for four hours."

Alex nods his head, "Yes, and I think that's enough family time."

Michael laughs and kisses him again before he slides out of Alex's hold, grabbing Isobel's hand and tugging her away towards the pool tables.

Alex sighs as he watches him go.

[closetfascination]

🖕😎💅💀▶️🏳️⛺

make a story/outline based on these emojis. (The messier/more nonsense the better)

"Fuck you, Alex," taunted Monty, eyes wild like a hungry dog. There was something attractive about Standall, even though he was so fucking annoying.

Alex raised his eyebrows, blue eyes hard and cold like ice.

"Okay, Montgomery," he said flatly, putting on the dark sunglasses he'd been wearing on top of his head. Not that it made a difference, given how unreadable his eyes were.

"Okay?" Monty choked on the word, wondering if Alex was fucking with him. He had to be fucking with him. A twist of suppressed desire tightened in his chest. Would he fuck Alex if he asked? Monty swallowed the question without answering.

Alex leaned in, voice low and even, breath hot on Monty's neck, and whispered, "Unless you aren't man—"

Loud rhythmic beeping sounded in Monty's ears. He slapped the snooze button with his palm and rolled over. Hugging the blankets tight against his body, he hoped to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep.

Read the rest of Part 1 of Devil Like Me on AO3

Part 1 covers the first three emojis, Part 2 covers the next two emojis, Part 3 covers the next emoji and the epilogue covers the last one.

This is also a fill for AU-gust 2023: Day 31, any two (Day 20: Reconnections, Day 23: Plumbers)

Hope you like it and that is unhinged enough for you - this was super fun to write!

[aydann-runs]

“Okay Emms, I think that's the last of it, yeah?” Michael asks, surveying the room. There are a few boxes that still need to be unpacked, but all the heavy lifting is done. He's running out of reasons to linger, and at this point, anything else he’d do would just be delaying the inevitable.

Emma pokes her head out of the closet, scaled down and compact like everything else in the dorm room, and looks around. “Wow, Dad. That was fast,” she says with a knowing smirk.

“Four years of moving your brother in and out of rooms just like this one was pretty good practice,” Michael responds with a shrug.

“Yeah, that and…” Emma scrunches her face in mock concentration and wiggles the fingers of her outstretched hand.

“Hey!” Michael exclaims, indignant. “That was one time, and it was mostly for show. I'm not some lame Jedi that has to rely on hand gestures to get the job done. The face though, I'll give you that.”

“Oooh, Daddy, are you just gonna let Dad insult Luke Skywalker like that?” Emma asks, turning to Alex who’d walked back into the room just in time to hear Michael's dig.

“Nope, you're not dragging me into the middle of whatever you've got going on by evoking Star Wars,” Alex laughs, setting down the bag of forgotten essentials he'd run out to buy while Michael and Emma unpacked. “You got a lot done while I was gone. I don't know that there's much more for us to help you with.”

“I think the rest of it is just odds and ends that will take me a while to find homes for,” Emma agrees. “So…”

Alex wraps his arms around Michael from behind and hooks his chin over Michael’s shoulder. “I think that’s our cue, sweetheart,” Alex murmurs in his ear.

“Okay, kiddo. We’re gonna take off,” Michael forces out around the lump in his throat. “But if you need us, we’re only a few hours away.”

“Dad, I’m gonna be fine. You didn’t worry this much when Lucas went to college. It’s not that big of a deal,” Emma protests.

“It is a big deal, and your Dad worried at least this much when we dropped Lucas off for his first year at school,” Alex says. “We’re your parents, it’s kind of our job to worry about our kids, no matter how old they are.”

Emma rolls her eyes, and it’s just so Alex that Michael can’t help but smile. “I’m not going to miss that attitude,” he teases. “Now c’mere, and then we’ll go and let you start figuring out college life.”

He pulls Emma in for a hug, and Alex takes a half-step back to give him a moment alone with their daughter. Reluctantly, Michael kisses Emma’s forehead and lets her go for Alex to take his turn.

“I’m really proud of you, baby,” he hears Alex say quietly, and while a lot of Emma’s personality comes from Alex, Michael knows that the way she blushes and hides her face in Alex’s neck is all him.

“Don’t forget that Aunt Isobel and Uncle Kyle are taking you out for dinner on Wednesday,” Alex says as he pulls away.

“Yup. It’s cool they moved to Albuquerque. I’ll have Auntie Iz around to spoil me whenever I want.”

“Make sure you take full advantage,” Michael advises. “And don’t let Valenti force any of his wheatgrass smoothies on you. It’s not health food, no matter what he says.”

Alex laughs and pulls both Emma and Michael in together for one last hug. “We love you, Emms. Call us if you need anything.”

“I love you both, too.”

Alex squeezes his hand and Michael follows him through the door, sparing one final glance over his shoulder at their daughter as they go. He and Alex walk out of the dorm building in silence, and once they reach the car, Michael wraps his arms around Alex, holding him tight.

“I thought I’d be more excited about having both kids out of the house,” he mumbles into Alex’s neck.

“No you didn’t,” Alex replies fondly. He pulls back far enough that he can kiss Michael, sweet and slow. “But, there are advantages to having an empty house…”

“Mmm, there are,” Michael agrees as he leans in for another kiss. He keeps it shorter than he might usually–they have a three hour drive ahead of them, and he’s too old to be making out in a college parking lot–but they’re both a little breathless when he pulls away.

“Let’s go home?” Alex asks.

And, even though both their kids have now officially moved out and it’s the third house they’ve lived in since they got married, anywhere Alex is, that’s his home.

And so he doesn’t hesitate to agree. “Let’s go home.”

[alexguerinappreciation]

MARCH PROMPTS

Theme: Power Dynamics Inspiration: "Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." - T.S. Eliot Words: Passenger, Murky Spotlight: Alex's Canon Relationships (Forlex, Malex) Musicspiration: Truth of My Youth - New Found Glory (Original Version from 2004)

To participate, all you need to do is:

Create fanworks based on one or more of our prompts ➔ fanart, fanvids, fanfiction, fanmixes, gifs, edits, rec lists, meta, etc.

Post them during the current month

Tag your posts with #alexguerinmonthly or #alexmanesmonthly

Add your works to our collection on AO3

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

Truth of My Youth lyrics below

there was a time and place where I never thought I'd leave my own hometown but those days finally are dead and gone it was never my intention to stay there, oh no

there was a conscious effort played by me to disown anything I see there was a girl I knew way back when who says she doesn't know me anymore

these are the lies the things you never mention these are my past mistakes I'll stay away from these are my thoughts written down on paper it's my only savior from not saying what I want to say

these are the thoughts that are on my mind moments that haven't yet been defined and I don't know if you could ever understand these are the things I can't say when we're alone

there were countless hours on the telephone my ears were ringing from the dial tone there were flashing lights, people staring there was nothing I could ever do

these are the lies the things you never mention these are my past mistakes I'll stay away from this is the truth, the only time you'll hear it I'll write it down because it seems so hard to say it

these are my thoughts written down on paper it's my only savior from not saying what I want to say

these are the thoughts that are on my mind moments that haven't yet been defined and I don't know if you could ever understand these are the things I can't say when we're alone

[burntotears]

Title: Just for the Thought of You Tags: The Holiday AU, Inspired by The Holiday (2006), AU - Human, Texting, Phone Calls & Telephones, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn, Inconsistent Burn From A Faulty Oven, Single Parents, Family Dynamics, Family Drama, Singing, First Kiss, First Time, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Brother Gregory Manes W/C: 35,242 Summary: When Isobel Evans decided to look into her birth parents, she met Alex Manes and they easily became best friends despite the physical distance. Now they just want to spend a little time away from their normal lives, so they decide to swap houses for two weeks during the holiday season. But unforeseen complications make it far from the secluded getaways that they had in mind. Playlist: Listen Here

@rnmnewyear2023 Day 3, 4, & 5: Movie Adaptation, Vacation Getaway, & AU (w/side rare-pair)

Thank you so much to my betas @im-the-punk-who & @bloggingbisexually for your invaluable help taming this wild beast. 🧡

“Are you sure that we can trust this woman with our place?” Greg asked for what was probably the hundredth time as they loaded Alex’s bags into the back of the Explorer. Alex loved his brother, really he did, but he was kind of looking forward to the two weeks away from him. They’d grown close in the years since he’d moved back to Roswell, but becoming roommates last year had reminded Alex of how much he liked having his own damn space.

“The woman’s name is Isobel, and yes, everything will be fine. Stop worrying and go have fun on your cruise with Zoe already. You’re annoying the shit out of me.” He shoved at Greg’s shoulder when he gave him an unimpressed look, but Alex could tell he was excited about the trip too.

“Yeah, whatever. It’ll be nice to be out of Roswell for the holidays for once. Just seems kinda weird that you wanna go out there by yourself.” Greg pulled Alex into a hug when they rounded the vehicle to the driver’s side.

“It’s gonna be fun! Iz has a ridiculously big house and there’s way more to do in the Dallas–Fort Worth area than there is around here.” He smiled when they pulled back from one another. “I’ll be fine, Greg, seriously. Now fuck off to your boat and try not to sink. Love you.”

“Love you too, asshole.” He waved Alex away and went back into the house as Alex headed to the airport.

[ Read on AO3 ]

[pastelwitchling]

I'm so happy you're still taking malex prompts! Could you do something where Michael's abandonment issues rise to the surface? Thank you! Love your work.

@joaneteporis

***

“How long’ll you be gone?”

Alex looked over his shoulder at Michael from where he was packing the last of his sweaters into his black suitcase. Michael hated that suitcase. They were in their bedroom, Michael sitting on the edge of their bed, still naked from when he’d woken up a few hours ago, partly hoping that if he never got out of bed, never showered or dressed, then Alex would change his mind and climb back into the sheets and Michael’s arms. He’d been hoping this stupid trip would be canceled.

Yet Alex sat before him, the tips of his hair still damp from the late shower he’d managed despite Michael’s attempts to delay him with trails of kisses down his body. He’d been giggling breathlessly then, and he smiled just as easily now at the false indifference.

He put his last sweater in before gripping Michael’s knee and kissing it, his hand stroking Michael’s thigh soothingly.

“Just three days,” he promised. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Michael held out a hand. “I want collateral.”

Alex burst into laughter, and Michael tried hard not to smile at the sound. “What could I possibly give you?”

“Your phone.”

“And how would I get in touch with Ramos without my phone?” he said, squishing his cheek against Michael’s knee. “Or you?”

He dropped his hand. “Damn it.”

Alex’s smile widened. “You actually think I’d come back for my phone and not you?”

“I know you’d come back for me,” Michael said defensively, and could hear the threat in his voice himself. I know you will come back for me. Or else I’d come after you and never let you out of my sight. “I just need a little insurance.”

“So you don’t trust me.”

“I don’t trust our life, Alex,” he corrected. “I don’t trust that something else won’t happen when I’m not there.”

“I’m keeping my location on,” he said, more softly. “I told you I’d tell you when I got there. Besides, I’m not heading anywhere alone, this is another branch of agents, Guerin.” He pressed one more gentle kiss to Michael’s calf and turned back to his suitcase. “No evil aliens are taking me away this time.”

Alex shut his suitcase and zipped it up, the sounds like nails in a coffin, and Michael’s heart sank into his stomach. It was really happening. Alex was really going to leave again, and there was nothing Michael could do about it. He was going to be sick, he couldn’t breathe.

Alex picked up his suitcase, Michael’s hand outstretched halfway between them, wanting to pull Alex back by his sleeve and keep him there and to call his name and show him how scared he was so that he never walked out that door. Alex had talked to him when Eduardo had asked him to train a bunch of recruits outside of Roswell, had told him that he wouldn’t go if it really bothered his husband, and Michael – the absolute dumbass – had said that he would be fine, it would be okay, that Michael might get a little nervous about it, but that Alex should go if that was what he needed to do. If he promised to return.

He'd been regretting every word since. He should’ve said no. He knew that there was no way Alex would begrudge him for it; Alex loved him, he would’ve done anything to keep Michael happy, and Michael was only happy when he had Alex in his line of sight –

Alex was suddenly in his space, crawling into Michael’s lap and straddling him on the edge of the bed, Michael’s legs the only thing keeping him from falling. He hugged Michael’s shoulders and buried his face in the crook of Michael’s neck, slipping a hand into his curls and holding on.

“Shhh, baby,” Alex whispered, completely calm. The darkness around Michael’s vision slowly cleared, and he saw Alex’s suitcase leaning against the wall. He had clearly noticed Michael’s impending panic and had wanted to shut the suitcase and put it aside so that he could focus his attention on his husband instead. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

Michael’s hands were still trembling when he reached up to hug Alex back, gripping fistfuls of his shirt and squeezing him to his chest.

“Breathe,” Alex murmured over and over, his breath warm on Michael’s ear. “Breathe, beautiful.”

“I’m – I’m trying,” he gritted out, shoving his face hard into Alex’s shoulder and trying to breathe in his scent, to remind himself that Alex was right here, in his arms. That they were husbands now, and had beaten the monsters that had come for them together, and they were free. That Alex was his, and no one was ever taking him away again.

After a long few minutes, Michael’s shuddering had ceased, but Alex was still rubbing his back and breathing softly against his neck.

“Just breathe,” he said softly, reaching into his back pocket. He pulled his phone out. “I’m right here.”

Michael didn’t want to let go of him. “W-What’re you doing?”

“Calling Eduardo,” he said, dialing. “I’m canceling.”

Michael frowned. He knew what he wanted to say; he wanted to say that he was sorry, but that he really couldn’t do this; he couldn’t be away from Alex, he couldn’t let him go, he couldn’t send him off and act like it wasn’t killing him.

But he caught Alex’s hand anyway.

“No,” he said, even as he felt someone else say the word, even as his brows furrowed and he squeezed Alex’s fingers. “N-No, I’m – I’m okay, I’m fine.”

“Michael,” Alex pulled back enough to see his face, cupping his cheek, “it’s okay. I care more about you than some stupid job, I don’t mind staying right here, okay?”

Michael could see that. There was no resentment or disappointment in Alex’s dark eyes or his soft, loving smile. He would stay on Michael’s lap all day if Michael wanted him to, and he’d be happy to do it.

How long would that last? How long would their relationship survive if Michael couldn’t give him a few days’ worth of space? How long until Michael’s love for Alex turned into an incessant need that was never satisfied, until neither of them could go off to work without Michael descending into a panic attack?

No. Something had to give.

“I can’t . . .” he started, and Alex was nodding.

“I understand,” he said, “it’s okay.”

“No,” he held Alex’s hand to his lips. “I can’t be this scared all the time, Alex. I can’t worry that you won’t come back every time you walk out the door. I have to . . .” the words didn’t want to leave, but Michael forced them out, “I have to let you go. Just for a little while. Just so I know that you’ll always come back to me.”

“Always,” Alex promised at once, and something in Michael rested a little easier. He believed him, he did . . . he was just terrified. Alex was too important to him to risk.

Sliding a hand into Alex’s hair, he pulled him in to slot their mouths together, his other arm around Alex’s waist. Alex arched into his body like he was just as starved for him, cupping his face and tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

They ended up tangled in each other a few minutes more before Michael had to put a stop to it and walk Alex to the door. If he held him close now, he really wouldn’t ever let him leave again. Alex walked backwards to his car, eyes on Michael until the last possible second. Michael didn’t dare go inside until long after Alex’s car was out of sight. Then he closed the door and collapsed against it, exhaling shakily, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“He’ll come back,” he told himself, the silence of the now empty house heavier than it had ever been. “He’ll come back.”

Alex checked in when he got to the top-secret base that night, and Michael had checked his location just to make sure he’d been safe and sound the entire ride there, where Alex finally turned off the feature until his inevitable drive back. He called that night, and Michael kept him on the phone to fall asleep to his voice, and then again in the morning to make sure Michael had eaten. Michael had done the same, and protested when Alex had insisted that a granola bar was enough.

“I mean, there’s a breakfast buffet, but . . .”

“But what?”

Alex’s voice dropped to a murmur like it did in those rare moments when he was shy. “I don’t know anyone. I’m supposed to be their superior, what if they just stare at me?”

Michael had been having coffee by himself at the kitchen isle, his tech and schematics spread out before him in an effort to distract him from the lack of his warm, rosy-cheeked husband at his side, and now at Alex’s embarrassment, he found himself smiling genuinely for the first time all morning.

“Aww, baby . . .”

“Shut up,” Alex grumbled, and Michael’s shoulders shook with quiet laughter. “Stop laughing at me!”

Michael’s laugh burst out then, and he curled around the phone in the hope that he could pull Alex through it and hold him like he was dying to do.

“God, I miss you,” he sighed, still smiling.

“It’s been a few hours,” Alex said. “You haven’t had the time.”

“I can miss you if I want to.”

“I miss you, too, then.”

Michael hummed. “How much do you miss me?”

“So much.”

“Enough for a FaceTime call?”

Alex couldn’t have missed the suggestion in Michael’s voice, and this time, it was him who laughed. Michael rested his chin on his palm and closed his eyes, his schematics forgotten.

“You’re such a freak,” he said fondly. “Fine, I’ll go into the damn dining hall.”

“Tell me you miss me again first.”

“I miss you,” he giggled.

“One more time?”

“I miss you I miss you I miss you, you absolute dork. I’ll call you tonight.” Then, softer, “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Michael promised, his smile already dimming at the end of the call that was coming. When Alex finally hung up, Michael continued to sit there for a long time, staring through his notes. Alex had already left, but Michael couldn’t help but whisper into the phone, “Come back to me soon.”

Over the next two days, Michael did a lot of pacing. He lounged on an exasperated Max’s couch (“It’s three days, stop being pathetic!”), hung out with Isobel and Kyle at Kyle’s insistence (who Michael was sure Alex had talked to), and worked endless hours at the junkyard to Walt’s eternal chagrin (“Lord help us if his car breaks down and he has to stay away another damn day”).

Alex did not call him on the fourth morning because he’d left the base early, making the drive back to Roswell instead, so Michael spent the hours since before dawn pacing outside. His heart thrashed when Alex’s car finally came into view, shifted restlessly from foot to foot as it pulled into the driveway, and ran at his husband before he’d even closed the car door.

Alex dropped his suitcase just as Michael swept him into his arms, his legs wrapping around Michael’s waist and his face buried in the crook of Michael’s neck. Michael groaned, long and low, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest now as he touched every inch of Alex he could reach, breathing him in and pulling him closer, closer, closer.

“I’m so tired,” Alex murmured wearily, hugging Michael’s shoulders tighter and cuddling into him like he was planning to fall asleep right there.

Michael couldn’t speak for a moment, running a hand between Alex’s shoulder blades, up and down his waist, clawing over his ass. Anything to keep him close, to feel him for hours after he eventually put him down. At least, Michael hoped he would put him down. Right now, he couldn’t imagine it.

Alex seemed to recognize that, and made no request to be released. He slid a hand into Michael’s curls and tugged. “You were so brave for me, baby,” he said. “I’m so proud of you.”

Michael shut his eyes tighter, holding onto Alex like his life depended on it. Sometimes, he thought it did. He wondered how brave Alex would think he was if he told him that.

“No big deal,” he finally said, releasing his first deep breath in days. “Barely noticed you were gone.”

***

Happy Malex Monday ❤️

[greentealycheejelly]

Malex taking the day off, for winter wonderland bingo card (prompted by @aydann-runs <3 )

[wisteriagoesvroom]

for the 5 sentence fic game - malex (Max/Alex), forgiveness? if it's not too out of ur depth :3

ok this was such a good prompt that i bust past 5 sentences and just kept going. so…here we go:

————

Forgiveness

a max/alex drabble, rated g

When Max meets Alex again, it’s a crisp autumn day — the kind where the leaves curl in on themselves, as if holding a secret. What secret, Max doesn’t know, but he has never really been in the habit of keeping many secrets.

The park is not where he expects to see Alex. But that’s the thing about parks. They’re a central nervous system for cities. City planners used to design with this in mind, before cars took over. Max remembers this fact from an encyclopaedia that he used to read, under blanket with a torchlight, when he still had the time to, during karting.

And now, Alex is in the park. Alex is older. Hair the same, if longer than it used to be in their F1 days. Face clean-shaven, but sharper in the cut of his jaw. Eyes, still creasing upwards when he sees a thing he likes.

As it turns out, Alex smiled a lot more when he left Red Bull. His smile practically a quantum force of its own when he finally won a GP.

And as it turns out, to his surprise, Max may be one of the things Alex also likes.

“Is that really you?” Alex exclaims, hands tucked in his pockets, wool scarf loose on his neck. Max feels somehow underdressed in his nondescript hoodie. Being a five time world champion, even over a decade later, meant people would stop you for photos.

“It’s me, mate.”

Alex makes a noise that seems like delight. They do the bro hug, and he animatedly explains that Lily is in Shanghai for a project involving augmented reality home golfing that is run through a mobile phone holoprojector. He rambles a little bit about weather — which for some reason the English still are obsessed with — and Alex asks whether Monaco has changed much (Max tells him it hasn’t).

“Are you heading up to Milton Keynes?” Alex says.

There is no loadedness behind the question. Max has only been back to Milton Keynes for Redline work since he retired.

One thing about Alex is that he was always carefully guarded when he needed to be. But Max never found him truly capable of ill intent.

“No,” Mad says. “I’m actually here because Pen has a thing about horses now. I have a break from touring stables and such.”

“Horses! Ah! There’s this great place down by Richmond, the owner’s an old classmate of mine. Let me pass it to you.”

Classic Alex. Always trying to help out, be nice, create a connection. So Max grabs his phone from his pocket, and lets Alex fuss around with it.

So the task is done, and there isn’t much to do now but move on. That is what Max has done well. Move on, in a way that he knows how, eking out a place for himself in Sim driver development and helping others learn the ropes. Much like Alex clearly has too, remaining as advisor to his last team.

Max finds himself reflecting on the younger men they were so long ago. Max was a lot more impulsive then. Quick to anger, a hunger inside him with so much to prove. But every person who did what they did always had the hunger. It just manifested in a lot of different ways.

And the interaction is nearing its end. But Max still can’t quite find a way to make his legs move. Around them, someone occasionally jogs past, and there are some ducks quacking happily at a nearby pond. It is peaceful.

Alex’s phone buzzes. He glances down at it, brows creasing in concern.

“Sorry, there’s some emergency at home involving my five year old and…” Alex squints at his phone. “A muffin tray of glitter. George is always far too lenient with his godson.”

Max smiles. “I heard about that. George, I mean. Not the glitter. I am not psychic.”

“That would explain your super-powered abilities, wouldn’t it?”

“Ha!” Max says, and he means it. “Anyway, I remember exactly how it is. That age.”

Alex smiles back knowingly.

The leaves rustle in the trees. The ducks are still quacking. The sun peeks out from behind a cloud, warming them both.

It is comfortable, in the way Alex always makes people feel, since the Williams years.

Max stops his leg from twitching.

“Listen, Alex. I never got a chance to say it before.”

“Say what?”

“That I…”

And Max finds himself pondering it. What does he mean? That he’s sorry? Sorry that a formula one team only truly ever has enough room for one person? That he should have asked how Alex was, like how he makes a point to do so now, with all his Redline youngsters? That he wishes he had called or texted him in the intervening years to see how he was, that he wishes they had stayed in touch? That he misses his old cars more than anything in the world, even if he’s happy with what he’s done and the way the puzzle pieces of his life have landed, and he always wonders if other drivers did too?

Max swallows a lump in his throat that he didn’t know was there. In the end, he says exactly what is on his mind.

“I’m really glad that you seem well.”

If that’s not the answer Alex was expecting, he doesn’t show it. He always seems borderline spiritual these days. As if he’s discovered a secret and invites you to understand it. A little bit like a monk, but one who definitely drives over the speed limit. (Max saw that video: a special karting one Alex did for family content, and he still carves a magnificent line.)

The monk in question smiles. It’s warm, like the sun. How lucky for those who grow close enough to Alex, to feel it.

And in that sage, still boyish way of his— surrounded by ducks, subjected to the inclement weather, in the artery of the place where worlds meet — Alex tells Max, back:

“I’m glad for us, too.”

————

from prompt thing here except i will actually try to stick to 5 sentences for the next one(s)

[bekkachaos]

For the writing prompt - #5 for Malex please ☺️☺️

5. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

Deep Sky didn't get many new recruits, but when they did, they were obviously brilliant in one way or another.

The newest team member, a twenty-something classical physicist named Ash, had been labelled somewhat of a prodigy and after a rocky initiation, fit right in.

Not only was he somewhat of a human calculator but he had a quick witted nature about him that everyone seemed to love.

He and Alex got along very well. They bounced ideas off one another and were usually on a very similar wavelength when it came to their thoughts, so when the two of them came together on a project they usually got a lot further than others had in half the time.

Alex sat on the couch at home, the dregs of a glass of wine sat on the coffee table as Michael walked over with a glass of whiskey and the last of the bottle to top up Alex's glass. He had been regaling a story from earlier in the day about some piece of technology they had been tinkering on together, his mouth drawn up in a smile as he explained the way he watched Ash work and how Eduardo had started to joke that they were sounding like an old married couple.

"Honestly, I was never that smart at his age," Alex said as Michael put down the empty bottle and slotted in beside him so that he could put his arm around his shoulders. "I think it should probably be illegal. He just gets this crazed look on his face when he's onto something, although today that led to him nearly electrocuting himself."

He chuckled as he looked back at Michael who just nodded, smiling with just his lips and eyebrows before he took a drink from his own glass.

"Sounds like fun," he said dryly, making Alex narrow his eyes at him curiously.

"Okay, what's with the mood?" he said, making Michael shrug in that infuriating way he did when he was about to make Alex guess what was going on in his brain.

"No mood," he said.

"There's a mood, or, you know, thoughts happening in there," he smirked, making Michael roll his eyes.

"No thoughts," he shrugged again, and Alex chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I mean I've just been sitting here listening to you talk about spending all day with some guy, but no, no real thoughts."

"I've been talking about the project, Guerin," Alex shook his head. "Ash is helping me with that so he's probably going to come up. What have you got against him? You didn't mind him when you came in to drop me some food last week."

"Never said I had anything against him," he said, smirking back at Alex and nudging his shoulder with his chest. "Have you? Had anything against him?"

He was teasing, in tone, but Alex knew Michael well, enough to know the way he was tensing his body up, deflecting with jokes and an arrogant curl of his mouth. It was the same posturing he did when he became defensive, protective, and one other thing.

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

Michael squirmed a little, scoffing with a roll of his eyes.

"Of that scrawny kid?" he said, snorting derisively and making Alex bite his lip to stop from laughing.

"You're the same build as he is."

"You noticed that huh?"

"Michael," he said with an exasperated sigh, putting his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "If you find him attractive well that's on you, don't bring me into it."

"So you don't then?" Michael asked, that antagonistic smirk still glued to his mouth.

"Honestly? I haven't noticed," he said, shaking his head slightly. "I don't notice those things anymore. If you asked then yeah, objectively I could say he's an attractive guy. But I'm not attracted to him."

Michael let out a sigh through his nose, his lips faltering a moment as he gave away the facade, putting his glass down on the table and letting his hand rest on Alex's knee.

"So you don't need to be jealous, of him, or anyone else," he said, reaching out to press his palm to Michael's chest, sliding it up and over the crook between his shoulder and neck.

And then the smirk was back, a shrug of his shoulders as he slid his hand further up Alex's thigh, over his hip and slipping his fingers under the fabric of his shirt.

"Don't worry, I'm not," he said, leaning in until he could place a soft kiss under Alex's jaw, his head tilting up willingly to give him the space to crowd him closer. "I mean, can that guy do this?"

He mumbled the words into his skin, chasing them down with his tongue, then his lips, his hand rising higher under Alex's shirt until he was slowly pulling back so that Alex could raise his arms and be stripped out of it.

Michael's arrogant smirk was replaced by parted lips and hungry eyes, making Alex roll his eyes as he let Michael shift him so that he had one leg on the couch and the other on the floor, a perfect fit between them for Michael to settle.

"Nah, he just gets the science and that little wrinkle you get when you think too hard," he grinned, making Alex chuckle and drop his head back a moment.

"You're an idiot," Alex said as Michael leant in over him.

"You're in love with an idiot," he smiled, leaving a soft kiss against Alex's lips. "What does that say about you?"

send me a pairing and a prompt from this list 💕

[mischas]

What are your favourite Marissa comebacks/sassy moments? (She deserved to be wayyy snarkier than she was but I find her humor very underrated)

Ooh fun

1x02 in the car with Seth about liking punk music

1x02 calling out Seth for him being stuck up (cries, future besties)

1x04 getting Anna to be Ryan's cotillion date over Summer (she thought she was being so slick)

1x05 "So how'd it go with the dancer?"

1x05 "Can I have one of your tanktops so I can be as cool as you?"

1x07 vending machine "Actually, I think she was a woman" line of all time

1x10 outing Caleb/Julie on the yacht

1x11 the moment at Theresa's door when she nods at Ryan before going inside

1x12 "I didn't tell anyone"

1x14 "Like I said, yep. Happy New Year"

1x21 "Why? Because we go to the same school or because I live here?" (this is so cold but she's not only not wrong but also finally has some bite again)

1x23 threatening Julie that she'll spill the beans about Luke to Jimmy/Caleb/her therapist/the cops/etc we love a princess with leverage

1x25 inviting Aunt Cindy to the engagement party

2x07 "Of course I'm screwed up! I'm the daughter of a thief and a slut" (I find this scene very unserious but I... love this line)

2x12 "I did some real soul searching" "I hope you didn't hurt yourself"

2x14 "You have my cell if Caleb kicks and you need help counting your cash"

2x16 this whole Julie exchange "You enjoy living in squalor?" "Well you and Caleb don't live here so it can't be that disgusting" "Maybe I'll just steal, you know I'm really good at that"

2x17 "You remember what happened the last time you came to Chino?" "Yeah, I saved your ass"

2x24 "Paychecks are handed out on Mondays"

3x02 "You're getting good at this, aren't you?" this doesn't really fit the prompt but I love how amused she is saying this

3x10 "I love Chrismukkah" "So we've heard"

3x17 my memory is funny on this one but "I'm seeing Dr. Roberts" "You don't look like you've had anything done"

3x19 (i think) that scene with Summer comparing her to Veronica Mars "solving this week's mystery"

3x22 "If I was in your circle of friends I might accidentally let it slip that you used to do musicals"

3x25 "I'm really gonna miss you bossing me around"

I'm sure there are some more that I'm forgetting! And I'm sure they don't all fit but 🤷‍♀️ Also the Malex era probably has more but my memory isn't great there either unfortunately.

[jm-chrome]

Spanish Colonial Era AU

Heres a little Malex prompt and doodle I did a while ago about an AU where Trese takes place during the Spanish era in the Philippines:

“Hand-kissing is a common courtesy and a normal way of greeting a lady back then. Since Maliksi is of higher social status than most of the people he encounters (being a prince and the wealthy heir to the Armanaz company), it’s customary that he initiates this courtesy. Whenever he does, he’s always met with a fit of shy giggles from the ladies… until he met Binibining Alexandra. Alex, stern and guarded as usual, would always just ignore his extended hand and get straight to business. Despite this, Maliksi never fails to extend his hand to her whenever they meet in hopes that one day she might offer her hand back to him.”

[jule1122]

Malex Fic - I can’t get the language right

This is a late response to the May prompt of ‘Missing Mom’ on @alexguerinappreciation. 

I can’t get the language right on AO3

Title from “Part of the Band” by The 1975

Summary: It’s a generic card - drawing of a wedding cake on the front, one line message inside - “Wishing you a lifetime of happiness.”  But it’s the signature that leaves both of them speechless.  Loopy handwriting in blue pen spells out “Love, Mom.” 

When Alex and Michael get back from their honeymoon, Isobel has their mail separated into three piles labeled - “might be important,” “probably junk,” and “cards: do NOT throw these away.  Rosa wants to make you something and she will kill me if you throw these away.”

“Nice to know there’s someone your sister is afraid of,” Alex laughs when he reads the note.

“Do you want to be the one to tell Rosa we forgot about the personalized gift she wants to make us?”  Michael asks.

“Nope,” Alex says quickly.  Rosa had been very clear about what she wanted, and Alex couldn’t wait to see what she created for them.

They don’t bother with the mail until after they’ve showered and had dinner.  The junk and maybe important piles are dealt with quickly since most of the mail marked as important is also junk.  They open the cards together, Alex recording them in a notebook Maria gave him for keeping track of wedding details.

Michael teases him when he brings it out.  “Please tell me we don’t have to send thank you cards to people for cards.”

“No,” Alex reassures him.  “It’s just nice to remember.”

Michael’s expression softens, and he squeezes Alex’s hand before opening the first card.  It’s not a big pile, most everyone who mattered was at the wedding.  Some are from people Alex works with at Deep Sky, there are a few from people he served with although he’s not sure how they even know he’s married, there are names Michael recognizes from odd jobs he’s done over the years, and one signed from Linsday with a heart over the “i,” who Michael once had a month long friends with benefits relationship with.

The card after Lindsay’s is addressed to “Alex Manes and Spouse.”  Michael laughs when he reads it, “Maybe this is from one of you exes.”

“Not likely,” Alex snorts, watching while Michael flips the card over and carefully opens it.

It’s a generic card - drawing of a wedding cake on the front, one line message inside - “Wishing you a lifetime of happiness.”  But it’s the signature that leaves both of them speechless.  Loopy handwriting in blue pen spells out “Love, Mom.”

“Guess it’s yours after all,”  Michael tries to joke.  When Alex doesn’t react, he clears his throat and starts again.  “Did you?”

“No,” Alex jumps in, “I didn’t.”  He doesn’t finish, but Michael nods, understanding what he doesn’t say.  Maybe if the wedding hadn’t been a rush, if they had really planned any of it, he would have thought about his mother.  But he never would have done anything without talking to Michael.

Michael turns the envelope back over and studies it.  “Surprised she kept your dad’s name,” he says, tapping at the return address.

“M. Manes” is written in the same blue pen above an address Alex knows is about an hour from Greg’s.  He’s not surprised she’s so close since Greg told him he’d met her for dinner a few times.  The name is a surprise though.  “I didn’t know.  She never,” Alex trails off and sighs.  

“It’s ok,” Michael says softly, reaching over and taking Alex’s hand.  “Let’s see what else we got.”

Alex sets the card from his mother aside, separate from the pile they are saving for Rosa.  But when Michael reaches for the next card, Alex stops him.  It feels wrong to continue.  Going through cards was supposed to be fun, another chance to remember their wedding, but now there is a weight over them, the specter of his mother and things left unsaid.

“I’ll be right back,” Alex tells Michael then walks back to his office.  Once there, he takes a manila envelope out of the bottom drawer.  He hates that this is all he has to show Michael, not even enough to put in a box.  But it’s all he has, and he knows Michael will understand.

Michael is waiting at the table when Alex gets back, but he’s cleared away the mail and all the cards, but the one from his mother. He gives Alex an encouraging smile when he sits back down.

“She never included an address before,” he explains as he takes four cards out of the envelope and places them on the table.  “I never knew where she was.”

Michael nods, but doesn’t pick up the cards.  “You talked to her, though right?  About Project Shepherd?”

“Yes, but I didn’t call her directly.  I left a message with one of her cousins, and she called me back from a private number.  It wasn’t,” Alex hesitates, not sure how to explain.  Michael knows he could have traced the number if he wanted to, but he hadn’t.  “It wasn’t a personal conversation.”

When Michael doesn’t reach for the cards, just waits to see what Alex wants to do, Alex hands them to him one by one.  He keeps them in chronological order and lets Michael know when each was sent.  “When I started high school,” he says when he hands Michael the first card in the pile.

Michael turns the envelope over in his hand, looks to see as Alex has said there was no return address.  He’s careful with the card, gently pulling it from the envelope and returning it with just as much care once he’s read it.  It only takes a few seconds to see what is there, or more glaringly what isn’t there.

“My sixteenth birthday, graduation, this one came when I was in rehab,” he hands the last card over to Michael, aware how small the pile of four cards must seem.  There are all simple, basic messages - “Good Luck,” “Happy Birthday,” "Congratulations” and “Get Well Soon.”  The insides are bare save whatever generic message the card came with and the same signature each time, “Love, Mom.”  There are no personal messages, not even his name written inside.

When Michael hands them back to him, hands gentle as if they are somehow precious, he adds, “She sent me a sympathy card after Dad died.  I threw it away.”

That gets a laugh and smile from Michael before he turns serious again.  “Do you think there were more Jesse never gave you?”

“No.”  The answer’s easy because Alex thought about this a lot when he was younger.  “Dad was really weird about Mom.  Once she was gone, he never spoke about her, not once.  I remember one morning we woke up and she wasn’t there, Dad got us ready and took us to school, and when we got home, everything of hers was gone.  He told us she had left and wasn’t coming back, and that was that.”

“You must have had questions,” Michael prompts him.

“Yeah, but by then we knew not to ask.  He never talked about her, but he never criticized her either, just pretended she never existed.  But when the cards came - Clay was the first one - he just handed them to us and walked away.  It was hard to figure out the pattern, we all got the same ones, and every time Dad just gave them to us.”

“That is weird for Jesse,” Michael agrees.

“I think he loved her, as much as he could love.  They were together before Tripp died, before Harlan fed him his poisoned theories and brought him into Project Shepherd.  Maybe that’s why she stayed as long as she did, she remembered who he was before.”  Alex shrugs.  He’s not sure any of that matters.  His mother left and his father was abusive.  How their story started doesn’t change any of that.  

Alex picks up the card and stares at the return address before setting it down with a sigh.

“Why do you think she included her address this time?”

“She’s been talking to Greg, maybe he convinced her to let me know where she is.”  The uncharitable part of Alex wondered if she knew Greg would tell him if he asked so there was no point in hiding, but he doesn’t say that out loud.

“What do you want to do?”

“What can I do?” Alex asks.  “It’s been over twenty years.  Am I just supposed to show up at her house and what, talk?”

“Maybe, if that’s what you want,” Michael shrugs.  “Maybe this is her way of reaching out, of letting you know she’s ready.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready.” It comes out sharper than he intended - brittle and defensive.  Alex sighs, hating how emotional he still gets when he thinks about his mother.

“Then you’re not ready,” Michael shrugs like it’s that easy.  “You don’t have to be ready just because she might be.”

“I don’t want to be angry,” Alex admits.  Michael drops a hand to his thigh and squeezes gently, silently encouraging him to continue.  “Leaving was the right decision.  I understand why she did it, and I’m glad she got out, that she didn’t have to suffer.”

“That she didn’t have to suffer like you did,”  Michael finishes for him quietly.

“Yeah,” Alex agrees, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.  “It was the right decision for her, I know that.  Hell, if anyone should understand, it should be me.  I did the same thing to you - left you behind when I couldn’t stand to stay.”

“It’s not the same thing,” Michael cuts him off quickly.  He doesn’t sound angry, just frustrated.  “I had my own ways out, I made my own decision to stay.  You didn’t leave me in his house, at his mercy.  You were my boyfriend, Alex, not,” Michael stops, runs a hand through his hair and takes a breath.  “You were my boyfriend, not my mother.  You weren’t responsible for my safety.  You can understand why she left and still be hurt and angry that she left you behind.”

“She didn’t have a choice,” Alex shakes his head.  “Dad never would have let us go.  His wife leaving was bad enough, but he would have fought her, brought us back one way or another.  She did the right thing.”

“Alex,” Michael says, then he waits, infinitely patient.

“I don’t want to be angry,”  Alex finally repeats because it’s the only thing he knows.  When he thinks about seeing his mother, all he can imagine is all the pain and hurt he’s been hiding coming out in accusations and recriminations.  It scares him,and he doesn’t want to be that person.

“She might have done the best thing for her, but it doesn’t mean it was the right thing for you.  It’s alright to be angry,” Michael says gently.  “It’s alright to not want to see her or talk to her.  She might be ready to reach out, but it doesn’t mean you are.  It’s up to you, not her, how you respond or if you just want to ignore it.”

“Up to me?” Alex laughs. Something about that brings some of his anger to the surface, but he’s not afraid because he knows it’s safe with Michael.  “None of this has ever been up to me.  She left - no goodbye, no note.  She was just gone.  And by the time I got used to that, she sent Clay the first card.  I thought she was coming back, but she didn’t.  And every time, even after I knew better, I’d start looking for her.  At the grocery store, in the school parking lot, in the stands at Greg’s basketball games, at my graduation.  But she was never there.  This is all I have of her,”  Alex picks the cards up and shoves them back in the envelope.  “I don’t know what they mean.  I never have.”

“Hey,” Michael takes the envelope from Alex’s hands and sets it back on the table.  “Let’s leave this for tonight.  You don’t need to do anything right now.  Just come to bed, let me take care of you.”

Alex follows Michael back to their bedroom.  He lets Michael hover as they get ready for bed, lets Michael hold him and whisper how much he loves him into his skin.  It feels selfish, but Alex would do the same for Michael, has done the same for Michael so he stays in Michael’s arms until the hurt and anger fade away.  Until he remembers that he’s loved now and that’s what matters.

Alex thinks of his mother often over the next few weeks.  Time doesn’t bring clarity, he’s as conflicted about how to respond to her card as he was when he first saw it.  He thinks about calling Greg, but he doesn’t want to interfere with whatever relationship Greg is trying to build with her.  It’s not fair to ask Greg to interpret her motives,and he doesn’t want Greg to feel like he needs to pick sides.

He ends up in the card aisle at the grocery store trying to find a card that doesn’t say too much, isn’t a confession he’s not ready to make, before his ice cream melts.  He settles on a card with a watercolor bouquet of wildflowers on the outside and the simple message, “Thinking of you” on the inside.

Michael finds the card when he’s helping Alex unload the groceries.  He wrinkles his nose at the muted bouquet on the cover, “I hope this isn’t for me.”

“No,” Alex comes up behind Michael, wraps his arms around him and kisses his neck. “You know I’m always thinking about you.”

“You’d better be,” Michael teases.  He turns in Alex’s arms and kisses him sweetly, then nips at his lip before going back to the groceries.

Alex takes the card and sets it on the coffee table.  He goes back to the kitchen and doesn’t think about it.  He doesn’t think about it while they debate about dinner before finally making pasta.  Or after dinner, when they meet Isobel and Kyle at the Wild Pony.  

Maria started experimenting with a trivia night while they were on their honeymoon, and Isobel convinced them to play together.  She hands them T-shirts that say “Team Alien Lovers” in rainbow glitter as soon as they sit down.  Michael threatens to leave until Isobel promises to pay for all their drinks.  They crush the other teams and come home laughing and buzzed and Alex doesn’t think about the card at all.

He’s still not thinking about the card the next morning when Michael joins him in the shower, and he’s almost late for work.  When he gets home, he can’t help but notice the bright yellow envelope on the table, but Michael comes in right behind him with take out from the Crashdown.  They eat dinner outside and spend the night by the fire pit Alex had put in as a surprise for Michael.  He thinks of nothing but how happy he is and how much he loves his husband.

Friday is an early day for Alex, and he’s home a few hours before Michael.  He normally fills the time with chores or working on his personal research projects, but he’s too restless to settle on one thing.  He moves from room to room, half heartedly starting something only to end up back in the living room staring at the blank envelope.  Alex finally gives in and picks up the card, sitting at the table and intending to fill it out quickly.

He’s still there when Michael gets home.  Michael must have said something when he comes in, but Alex doesn’t hear him.  Instead, Michael’s hands on his shoulders are his first indication that he’s not alone.  He relaxes into the touch, smiling when Michael kisses the back of his head.  When Michael starts to move away, Ales grabs his hand and tugs him into the chair next to him.

Michael sits with him, one hand between his shoulder blades in support, while he flips the pen between his fingers and tries to figure out what to say.

“It’s Alex Guerin now.  I took Michael’s name when we got married.  He’s the best part of my life, and I want him and everyone else to know it.  He’s brilliant and kind and loyal and beautiful.  I want to say I know you would love him, but I don’t know.  I don’t know enough about you to know how you will feel about him.  I don’t know if you will care that he’s a man or that he’s not Native.  I don’t know if you can love me let alone Michael.”

He thinks it, but he doesn’t write any of that.

“I feel like I should say I miss you, but I don’t know if that’s true.  It’s been so long I don’t know if I miss you or if I miss the idea of you.  I told Michael I don’t want to be angry, and I’m trying not to be.  But sometimes anger is easier than hurt or fear.  And I know I’m afraid to see you again, afraid of what I might say or feel.  Afraid of what you will think of me, if you’ll be disappointed.”

He doesn’t write that or this either:

“I always wondered what happened to you.  If I ran away to the Reservation, would I find you there?  Or were across the country or even on another continent.  Did you get married again, did you have other children?  I used to imagine you married a millionaire or a prince and you would come rescue us, but you never did. I held on to that dream for a long time, longer than I should have until Dad finally beat all hope out of me.  I always imagined you were happy, happier than I was.  If you were then you made the right decision.  You choose your safety and happiness over mine, and I always wanted to believe it was worth it even though it hurt. I don’t know if it will hurt more to find out that it’s true or to learn that you haven’t been happy, and we both suffered alone.  I don’t know if I’m brave enough to find out.”

When Alex finally figures out what he does want to say, he writes it quickly before he can change his mind.  Once the card is ready to go, he turns to Michael, “What now?”

Michael smiles and kisses him softly.  “How about we go for a ride?”

He drives them to the post office, and waits patiently for Alex to get the courage to mail it. 

“Thanks,” he says to Michael once he’s done.

Michael looks at him carefully, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I am,” Alex tells him honestly.  “Let’s get out of here.”

He threads his fingers through Michael, squeezing his hand as they head back home.  Alex realizes he’s looking forward to the weekend.  They have no plans, but he’s sure they’ll come up with something.  For tonight, they’ll cook together, spend the evening relaxing and making love.  Then they’ll sleep in and wake up together and fill the hours together.

Sometime next week, his mother will get the card he sent.  But now that it’s mailed, he feels nothing but relief.  Maybe it will be a beginning or maybe nothing will change.  Either way, Alex has said all he can for now, writing simply, “Love, Alex.”

[aydann-runs]

Alex was about to take his shot when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He stepped away from the table and pulled it out to check the caller ID. Eduardo. With a sigh, he passed his pool cue off to Michael and accepted the call.

“Hello?” he said, drifting away from the table. Michael took the shot he’d planned, sinking the ball easily and moving on to the next one.

“Alex? Can you come in tonight?” Eduardo asked, sounding somewhat less reserved than usual. Anyone else would probably sound outright frantic.

“Uh, maybe. If I can find someone to drive me. I’ve had a few drinks. What’s going on?”

Whatever Eduardo said in response was drowned out by the sudden blaring of an alarm in the background.

“Never mind, I’ll figure it out and get there as soon as I can,” Alex said, hoping that Eduardo could hear his reply. He’d text him as soon as he hung up the call.

Alex pocketed his phone and returned to where Michael was standing, leaning on his pool cue. He’d missed a shot somewhere along the way, and Kyle was taking his turn.

“Everything okay?” Michael asked, brow furrowed with concern.

“I don't know. That was Ramos, asking me to head in. Do you think Isobel would give me a lift? I've had a couple more beers than I'm comfortable driving with.”

Michael was already pulling out his phone, presumably to call his sister. “Iz, can you do me a favor?” he asked, without even saying hello. There's a brief pause, and then, “If it makes a difference, the favor’s actually for Alex.”

“I'll owe you one, Isobel,” Alex chimed in, hopefully loudly enough to be heard.

“The Wild Pony, as soon as you can,” Michael said a second later. “Thanks Iz.”

Kyle joined them at that moment, hovering just far enough back to give them the illusion of privacy. As soon as Michael hung up the call, he turned to Valenti. “Do you have to go into Deep Sky, too? Or can I keep beating you at pool?”

Kyle looked at Alex, eyebrows raised. “That was Eduardo? Did he say why he was calling you in?”

Alex shook his head. “He tried. I couldn't hear him over the alarm. Isobel is going to pick me up in a few,” Alex said, looking to Michael for confirmation. “I'll keep trying from the car. I'll text you when I know what's up.”

“Maybe I should go too,” Kyle said. “I don't know why he didn't call me.”

“You stay here, finish the game with Michael. Apparently it's my skill set he needs tonight, not yours,” Alex responded. “If there's anything I think you can do to help, I'll call. I promise.”

Kyle didn't look convinced, but he also didn't press the point any further. Alex felt his phone vibrate again and was unsurprised to see it was Isobel letting him know she was two minutes out.

“I've gotta go. I'll call you when I know more. Both of you,” Alex promised. He leaned in to press a quick kiss to Michael's lips, clapped Kyle on the back, and made his way towards the exit. He’d only made it a few steps when he heard Michael ask, “Wanna make this interesting and wager a few bucks on the game?”

Alex smiled as he pushed through the door to the parking lot. For all his complaints, Michael really did like Kyle, and he was doing his best to keep Kyle from worrying.

The honking of a car horn drew his attention and he looked up to see Isobel pulling up beside him. With one final look over his shoulder, he climbed in beside Isobel and settled in for the ride to Deep Sky.

[alexguerinappreciation]

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