#and yes i must eat it with milk because im not an animal

[jackass-jones]

My neighbor gave me chocolate rice crispy cereal today cuz she had a box she used for easter treats and she wasn’t gonna finish it and I took it off her hands.....I don’t want this nasty cereal flavor what do I do

[heartkaji]

lose it !

(n) — suo hayato only eats numbers

tw: ed ! please read comments !

you unlock suo hayato’s phone in aim of finding messages from other women; pictures from other girls or maybe even men.

instead you find a calorie app & the notes of a dead man walking.

suo hayato eats eight hundred calories a day.

for breakfast he logs coffee, black. no sugar or milk or anything because what is he, an animal ? lunch is rice cakes & hot sauce & cucumber as a snack but dinner is empty because it’s already 7pm & only fatties eat beyond seven so suo must wait till 12pm tomorrow before food can find his throat again.

suo hayato only eats numbers.

your heart breaks a little more as your fingers scroll further through his notes & logged meals. tuesday reads ‘no lunch, make up for extra cals from donuts with sakura’ & wednesday is empty because ‘water fast’. suo hayato is a disciplined boy but every log ends with ‘resist or regret’ but fuck this is unhealthy & why does suo resist himself an essence to live ?

“love, have you seen my phone ?”

you don’t realize your eyes are hot with tears until suo cups your cheeks in cold palms, eyes almond & scanning your own as if they’ve just seen a ghost. you press your body against his own & god he is so frail, you have never realized it before but now it’s so apparent & fuck if you let your mind wander any further you might become a woman half dead too.

“suo, i don’t want you to die,”

& suo hayato only sighs, because if only you knew he’d died a long time ago.

© ─ heartkaji ; do not steal, edit, translate or reupload

a/n : this is a serious topic, so please forgive me for this serious message.

my heart goes out to all the wintergirls & boys out there. the ones who go to bed fantasizing about what they’ll eat tomorrow & get moody when their one meal a day doesn’t hit the way it’s meant to. my heart goes out to all the girls & boys who watch mukbangs & cooking shows in order to drown out the growling in their stomach. the ones who flip their chip bags to the back on instinct & would rather die than eat a plate of waffles & syrup. my heart goes out to everyone who exercises all they eat, who sleeps & drinks away their hunger & ties their hair & clenches their throat every time they step in the bathroom after a meal. recovery is a bitter pill but you can only heal when all the pills have been swallowed. it is worth it. eating disorders kill & no you don’t have to be underweight or anorexic or ‘atypical’ anything because just a few months of calorie counting kills your mind & after long enough it will kill you too.

your body is worth so much more than coke zero & greek yoghurt & sugar free jello. recovery is real & it may take years before you are full of it, but everyday gets at least a little better when you are not eating yourself to the brink of death.

i am not the best at these kinds of messages, but i hope some winter girl or boy reads this message & thinks to themself, i am enough, not because you are under 110 pounds but simply because you are. your body is so much more than stretch marks & loose skin or arm fat & the likes. your body is yours & you are enough.

my heart beats for all of you because if you are not careful, it will not be able to beat for itself. i beg of you, choose to recover & please choose it today. why follow wonyoung & monster high diets when you are already so heart-achingly beautiful ? recovery is never easy, but it is worth it & so are you.

ps: so sorry for writing such a serious topic for such an unserious anime, but someone might need to hear this & that someone might be you. yes yes im aware suo is only on a diet because he’s a monk or something, but i know his little eating habits can be so triggering to watch to some & i just wanted to let you all know that it will be okay.

gosh why do i feel like such a monster for writing this

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

im sorry i just found out that you're being called a hypocrite over enjoying chicken nuggets and i'm just. birds eat other birds all the time. like raptors, obviously, but also like. a domestic chicken will 100% eat chicken if you give it to them. if one gets injured you will have to quarantine it because the other chickens will peck at and bite open wounds. "free range vegetarian chickens" are fake; if theyre outside they're eating bugs, which last i checked are animals. it seems humans are the only animals that have qualms eating other animals and its wild. bro you're an omnivore. you have teeth designed to rip and tear flesh. what do you think we originally used tools for if not hunting? we would not be where we are if humans were herbivores because a diet of plants is very energy intensive!! the breakdown of plant material is difficult! most ruminants regurgitate their food to preform more mechanical digestion again to help!

like, all the power towards you if you don't want to eat meat (i mean, i personally literally cannot eat most meats because i can't digest it properly at all) but like dont make others feel bad about eating meat??? there are people who have to eat meat because they can't get all the nutrients they need from plants. including but not limited to b12 which is extremely important and we cannot synthesize it so we must obtain it from animal products.

vegetarians i can understand. vegans are weird to me; yes big industries treat their animals poorly but cows likely enjoy being milked because they've been bred to produce more than their calves need and being full of milk is uncomfortable- ask a lactating woman. chickens don't really care if you take their eggs. sheep *need* to be shorn because we've bred them to produce lots of it and without shearing it will not stop growing and cause problems; they can heal from nicks and wool is heavy and hot - its the only fibre that will keep you warm even if it's soaking wet. bees do not mind that we take honey; they make honey because its energy dense so they can survive through winter and keep warm, but domestic bees do not need as much as wild bees because we help them keep warm in the winter so they don't need to expend the energy to keep themselves warm.

these creatures have been domesticated for hundreds of thousands of years! they rely on humans! its not a bad deal for them, either!

"So you're saying that you'll provide me guaranteed food and shelter from the elements and predators, and all I have to do is give you some of things I already make anyways? And you'll make it so my offspring produce more of this thing you want so you will be continually incentivized to take care of them? Damn, where do I sign up?" - animals at the beginning of domestication if they were capable of human speech, most likely

i didn't mean to go on this long, sorry, i just am very confused and i ramble

.

[noonebutmeandanime]

Dorm Leaders Boyfriend Head-cannons!Fluff

( @allychan13 Im sorry for answering late. I’m stupid, In know, I was waiting for you to tell me the character that you wanted me to do, but it was right there in front of me. Im sorry, but Im posting it now 👈😀👍)

Riddle

He was really shy and insecure at the beginning of the relationship, he didn’t know what to do. He was asking him Self things like

’Am I doing good?’

’Do they still likes me?’

’Do they hate me?’

’Am I doing anything wrong?’

He ends up stressing about everything, but that soon changes when he see you smile when your with him, hanging out with him, or on a date with him.

Doesn't really like PDA, likes to show affection to you behind closed doors

When you are behind closed doors, he is the most softest and kindest Pillow . . . Person ever.

Sometimes bends the rules for you.

Like you would make him a strawberry tart,(With help from trey), on a occasion where you not suppose to, and he would still enjoy it and eat it.

He knew you didn’t know better, and you went through all that trouble just to make it.

Croquet dates and after enjoying strawberry tarts are a must.

Sucker for your kisses

Melt at your touch when you play with his hair

Calls you darling, but he will call you “My rose” when your behind closed doors

You know the heart shaped pieces of hair in front of his forehead, he would stick them up to make you laugh

Lives for your smile, he blushes when you do, and sometime his nose bleeds

Gets flustered very easily, like, easy as sleeping after drinking warm milk.

If you make strawberry tarts for him, expect them back, but he made them(With help from trey)

Dreams of marrying you a lot.

Daydreams about it too

Sets presents on your desk, and if you ask about it, he’ll deny that he set it on your desk.

You know because he makes it obvious, but he never knows that he does

He the Queen of hearts, Be his King/Queen/Partner

Leona

Is kinda very insecure at the begin of the relationship, but he doesn’t ever show it

When he spoils you, he just ask you straight up

ANNOYING MF

Yes, he may be annoying, but your the only person that can deal with him and put him in his place

CUDDLES

CUDDLES

CUDDLES

He loves you, and he shows it by going the class just to see you and be with you

once your in a relationship with him, there is no getting out of it

and he does his homework just so ✨YOU✨ could help him with it, so basically so he can be with you more

Lives to tease you

It was your birthday, and he didn’t know what to get you

He stressed over it so much until he got an idea

He decided to make you a plushie of himself for you

He asked Ruggie to do it, but he said no, and for him to do it himself because it was for you

He made it himself just to show you how much he loves you. Yes, he did it all by himself

Wraps his tail around your leg in the halls just so you don’t wander off, and to show people that your his *COUGH* pillow *COUGH* herbivore

Flirts with you, but if you flirt back, he’ll get flustered, but have a serious face

LOYAL

He sits by you in class, so expect that if he doesn’t know and answer, he’ll be looking over your shoulder to see if you have the answer and copy it

PURRS

If you both cuddle together, and scratch the back of his ears, he will purr loud enough that you can hear it

You’re the only person that is allowed to touch his tail and ears

Your his Queen/King/Partner, don’t leave him

Iida

You made the first move, not him. He‘s to shy and would faint it he did.

you asked him out, and when you did

*Shy Tamaki Amajiki noises*

He shuddered a lot

He could respond back, so he just nodded

His nose just anime boy bleed

COSPLAYING COUPLE

Y’all binge watch anime every night all night

So you both wake up late and is almost, ALMOST, late for your classes

He would be saying sorry over and over again because you both woke up late

Of course you had to remind him that it wasn’t his fault

GAME NIGHT DATES

Before you guys dated, he would send you love e-mails to you, and never put his name on it

Othoro thought it was to cliché and told him to write love letters instead of type them for you

He would every day put them on your desk, and everyday he didn’t get caught.

Now that your dating, he still does

You asked him about it and he just got really shy and didn’t say anything

So you don’t ask him about it

Buys you rare anime merch for your birthday

Dates are usually in his room, but when there not, it’s in a private place where it’s just you and him

and sometimes othoro would be spying on you through the window

Spoils you, but doesn’t realize that he is

VERY INSECURE

SO YOU NEED TO RESURE HIM ALL THE TIME

Vil

Not insecure about the relationship at all

He knows that you love him and his beautiful self

he has a lot of fans but

Your number his one fan

And he’s your number one fan

PHOTO-SHOT DATES

does your make up everyday, all the time, no matter if it 3 AM he’ll do your make up along with his

He does your makeup first

Gets you a hand mirror everyday

You asked him why he does so, and he told you that he got you it so you can see your beautiful self

He cupped your cheeks and pulled you into a kiss

It was short, passionate, and sweet

Over protective, but secretly is

He kills the people he’s jealousy of with his Beautifulness

Surprisingly, he can cook really good

bit doesn't like to because he can get his hands dirty

but if it’s for ✨YOU✨

Get ready for a 7 coursed meal

When he buys himself makeup, he always remembers you and gets you makeup as well

Spoils you with makeup and self care items

Y’all both do your face routine together

He has a long and complicated face care routine which you must do and help him with

Rook spy’s on the both of you when you go on a date

Your his lover, and he is yours. Don’t leave him as long as you live

Malleus

Isn't really insecure about the relationship

He loves you a lot, and he knows that you love him

so he isn’t all that insecure, you both have a strong bond with each other

Honest with you at all times

OVERPROTECTIVE

but he’s calmly overprotective, like he’ll protect you, but have a calm face

Well that’s only if you seem normal and stuff. But if your crying, OH BOY, get ready for a blood bath.

Your the only human of man that ever touched his horns

Gives you piggy back rides

walks under the moonlight with you every night each day

Big spoon

Plays with your hair a lot, and sometimes doesn’t notice it until later

Plays violin for you

Waltz with you under the moonlight

did I mention that he plays whatever you like on the violin

Lives just to see you smile

Sings you a lullaby for you to go to sleep, and he stays with you until your asleep

SPOILS YOU, LIKE BROOOOOOOOOO

Gets you everything, like literally

Jewelry, pets, clothes, gems, food, flowers, chocolates.

He spoils you everyday, and it doesn’t matter on the occasion, yup, all the time.

Cuddles are always in your dorm

so ever time he isn’t at his dorm when sebek wakes up, he panicking and screaming

Lilia gives him advice he malleus asks for it

HUSBAND.MATERIAL.ALL.THE.WAY

Your his child of man, don’t leave his lonely heart to break in recess pieces

Kalim

“MY LITTLE PRECIOUS LITTLE CHICKEN SUNSHINE NUNGGET, WHERE ARE YOUUUUU!”

yup, not normal pet names are a must

He doesn’t like normal pet names, he thinks there boring.

He likes names like

”MY JEWEL〜”

”NUGGET〜”

”MARKER〜”

yes . . . marker

when I tell you this man SPOILS YOU

Spoils you to death.

”No Kalim, I don't need an other pink baby elephant“

Always asks for your size in clothes and things of your liking all the time

Follows you like a lost puppy

Complains when you don’t cuddle with you, and won’t stop until you do cuddle him

Clingy like a leach on skin

Playfully ‘Noms’ you on your arm

When you do have to leave him to go to the bathroom or to go get Grimm before he does something stupid

he’ll grab onto your legs, and just stay there, begging you not to go and to stay with him

Jamil has to pry him off of you

It takes 15 minutes to do so 💀

Hyper: Yes sirrrrr

He has a microphone, and will straight up go to the roof of the dorms and scream into it

”HEY WORLD, I LOVE MY Y/N SO MUCH!!!!”

Jamil will hear it and drag him back to the dorms.

He does this about 6 days a week just because he loves you so much

He’ll get on your back and won’t get off until you give him piggy back rides

Relationship: 100,000,000,000,000/10

Would recommend

Dont leave him, he won’t be the same bby that we all know and love to death

Azul

“Darling“

”Doll”

Your always in his office spending time with him, like all the time

Cuddles are in his pot

Actually, really insecure, but will never ever show it

He cooks, only for you

When you are away from him, he will get Floyd and Jade to follow you to make sure that you don’t get hurt or harmed

Gets jealousy a lot, but will never admit it

Instead, he will just get the twins to deal with him. (Let’s just take a moment to pray for the guy)

Grants your wishes

but in return you pay him back with kisses, hugs, quality time, and cuddles.

So shall you seal the deal???

You help him make his magical potions

You sit in his lap while he does his work and stuff

enemy's to lovers

before you guys dated, he tried to trick you into signing a contract to date him

He a crybaby

His favorite places to kiss you are on your hands

When you cook for him, he can’t say no, like never ever, even though it might have high calories

FANCY RESTAURANT DATES

Cuddles after he is tired after a long and hard day of working, he needs it so much

He shows few people his merman form, and you happen to be so lucky to be on of those people that he shows his merman form to

YOU

ARE

HIS

SAFE

PLACE

Needs a whole 100 buckets of reassurance

(I’m finished, this took me 50 minuets, that’s not so bad if I do say so my self, so @allychan13 here you go, and thank your for the request :D)

[llendrinall]

Hello so I just need some pointers and all.

I want to write a long fic and im not sure how to do research. Do you have any tips and tricks?

It depends a lot on where you are from and what you want to write, but you have three areas to explore.

1) Location. Google Earth is your friend for that. Even if you are writing about a fictional place, it can help you estimate time and distances between locations. I usually pick a base place and visit it with streetview to get a general idea of the number and height of buildings, distance between them, shops, etc. Sometimes I pick a house or create a house in an empty plot so I will I know how the place around “my” house looks. In Twenty-six, Draco’s house doesn’t exist, but it is placed at the end of Haverhill Rd, near four cute little houses.

You don’t have to mention everything you see, but it helps to get a feeling of the place. For example, suburban US has no shops whatsoever, just rows and rows of houses. The smallest the village in Britain the more likely it will just have a road with no sidewalk. Also British roads are considerably narrower than American and Continental. I suppose they must follow a standard, but the impression is that a single lane is somehow smaller.

(It’s the vegetation. The tree branches will almost touch the car).

2) People. Suppose one of your characters has a condition of which you have no experience. If it’s something medically recognized, then the first place to start is a health website like the Mayo Clinic to read about the symptoms. But to get an idea of how it is to actually live with the condition then you have to listen to testimonies. Associations and Foundations who do advocacy tend to have a preachy discourse that doesn’t really describe the everyday life. I prefer forums like reddit where you can read the actual words of people living with it. Sure, not all you read will be true, but you have the testimonies and the medical description and that gives you understanding of how they relate.

3) Culture/Society. The trick is not so much where to find information but knowing when you should do research. There is a quote by Borges, I think maybe quoting somebody else, in which he says that you know you are reading the Quran because there is no mention of camels. What this means is that if you are writing a fic set in Britain, you have to mention the toast.

What toast? You see, we all know that the UK drinks tea. Tea, tea, tea. If you are writing a story set in Britain, your characters have to drink tea. And because you are dutiful writer you have them hold a cup of tea* at all times.

But they will also be eating toast, which is the National British Food nobody told you about. Forget about steak and kidney pie, forget about fish and chips. Great Britain lives on toast, small packets of crisps (salt and vinegar) and, occasionally, read beans. That’s it, that’s the food. They won’t mention it because toast is their camel and they don’t’ see it, but you will.

* What that’s asterisk next to the tea? A reminder that cultural items never come in one brand. Yes, British people drink tea, but since it’s such a huge cultural statement there is a lot of nuance. Tea with milk and sugar is categorically different from plain black tea. Tea is a class statement, just as sauce and burger ingredients are a geographical statement in the US.

This may seem overwhelming, but since you are telling a story rather than writing a spy report so an agent can go undercover, you don’t need to get every single detail right. Just keep in mind that if you are mentioning a cultural staple there will be some nuance you have to research. And if there are any camels in the story, it most likely will be the ones you brought along with you.

Some common camels

(If people want to add more in notes/reblogs, all the better): drink sizes, form of payment (cash/card and also card swipe or chip), medication packaging, medication doses!, public transit, walk or drive?, lunch times, lunch prices, shop hours, and of course camels and other animals, people outside American don’t have squirrels stealing their lunch.

There you go!

[monsterloveday]

The Dreaded V Word.

This has been a long time coming. I have wanted to write about this for years and years. But I never had the guts to because of the repercussions, the inevitable hate, anger and arguments it could cause. Because just by bringing this up, or being in a situation where you have to mention it (i.e restaurants etc) seems to have such a huge backlash, to the point where I’d prefer to keep quiet and avoid the topic completely. But. Maybe the world is ready for it now. Maybe. Maybe the world has a slight more tolerance towards us awful Vegetarians... I know your all bored of hearing it, I know your all annoyed, I know you've heard it all before... But I really hope you can just be open minded, don’t see this as an attack, a lecture, me preaching etc etc. I just wana talk to you, without it being a war. Please?... I turned Veggy 16 years ago, when I was 18. I made that decision myself, I made that decision for the animals. I did not choose to do it because it was a ‘trend’ - as some people like to think now (plus 16 years ago it wasn't a trend so shhh your face). I have remained true to this decision and it is a part of my identity, my character, my personality. It is not a phase or a trial, it will be with me for life and I don’t regret a thing. It is such a personal and valuable choice I have made, it is so important to me, so it is very very hurtful when people make attacks / rude comments about it. I really hate the wars that comes with Meat eaters vs Veggys, v’s Vegans. No matter what you do nowadays, there are people on all sides to hate on you for it. Although I am aware that there are indeed ‘Preachy vegans’, not ALL of them are. Coming from a vegetarian, I will say that as preachy SOME vegans can be - SOME meat eaters are MASSIVE preachers also. I have been preached by vegans and meat eaters and it just sucks and I have no doubt there are preachy veggy’s out there too. Im also certain that there are some people (meat eaters and meat free eaters) who give opinions / advice / information in a way that isn’t preachy also (and this is the best way to inform / advise people in my view!) Because of how I have been treated about my vegetarianism throughout my 16 years, I made the decision to live and let live and to be no part of the fighting.   I do not lecture people or judge them, no matter what diet they have chosen. Because I know how it feels to constantly be under attack, purely because of what you choose to eat. Don’t get me wrong, would I prefer people to not let animals be killed and not eaten?...yes of course. Would I feel happy if everyone chose to not eat animals?... yes. Would I feel ok with someone eating a live animal in front of me or killing it?...no. BUT I am only responsible for MY decisions, and I accept that everyone has a right to choose for themselves. I would be thrilled if people wanted to ask me advice on veggy life if they were tempted by it, but Im not going to sit there glaring at you while you eat a burger. And no Im not offended if you order meat and no you don’t have to sit away from me! (Lets not single each other out ok?) And I hope you don’t glare at me for my veggy burger, (or as so many people like to point out, my ‘rabbit food’ =| ). If someone is a meat eater but is trying to cut down on meat - that is progress.  If a veggy is trying to be vegan but has slip ups now and again - that is still progress, they are trying.  If people only have Veggy meals once a week - that is still positive. If meat eaters never go meat free but are kind and respectful towards people who don’t - that is still good. Please stop hating each other because we are not doing the same things. We are all so different and are wired differently and we should be able to co-exist. People need encouragement - not lectures or discrimination. And yes I do class negative comments about chosen diet styles discrimination! We don’t challenge or make nasty comments about race, religion or sexuality, so we should not be doing it towards this stuff either.  Im probably going to upset a lot of veggys and vegans for saying these things, perhaps Im a hypocrite, or that I should be a Vegan (and admittedly I do feel guilty for not being a Vegan) but as I mentioned before - you are always going to upset someone, but we've just got to try our best, in whichever way we can. As mentioned before, I have received quite a lot of hate throughout the years... ‘I hate people like you’, “If the chefs knew you were veggy they'd spit in your food”, “This is Jay and she’s one of THEM” “Your’e a Twat” “Do you cry when you eat carrots?” “I bet you don’t suck dick then because you don’t eat meat” “Your shit must really stink being a veggy”, “Open your mouth and look at your’e teeth - they are for eating MEAT” “WHAT do you eat?!?!” “So what would you do if you were stuck on a desert Island - YOU WOULD EAT MEAT?! (This one got old SO FAST) “All you eat is rabbit food” “Jay only eats sweetcorn baguettes” “I dont date veggys” “WHY are you a veggy?!?! *said with the most judgemental expression and tone / laughter* “You should NOT be eating chocolate easter eggs because of the milk in them!”... I could go on and on and on and on. (and I do date meat eaters btw - how is that even a thing for people!?) I also want people to just try and understand, that with the majority of the veggy / vegan community, is that - we simply just don’t like animals being murdered. That is it. I don’t understand how that can be so hated against?. I understand people have their guard up and get defensive because how SOME people get on their high horse and preach etc etc. But if you were to take all that away and actually think of the core meaning of what Vegetarianism and Veganism is, its actually an act of love. Please understand - we see all animals the same, so as much as it would haunt you seeing a dog or a cat being killed - that is how we see it for all the poor soles in the slaughter houses. We just don’t want them to be murdered or treated in the barbaric ways that they unfortunately are- please don’t hate us for that - it truly is a good thing to choose not to be part of it, it doesn't hurt anyone or anything - it is a peaceful act and it needn't have so much backlash from so many. Again - that is not an attack, Im just trying to put a bit of peace and understanding in this situation from my side of things. As much as I have received hate, I have also received so much love and support from my family and friends, in which they are a mix of veggys and meat eaters, I will always be grateful, thank you for having my back. I hope this hasn't ruffled anyones feathers, I just wanted to try and put my view in, in a calm and peaceful way. Please, lets just stop all the hate. Be back soon. Jay Monster.

[feral--bog--witch]

Alright, Ive got some time between editing and chores where I can sit down and actually explain some discourse I was in a bit ago with a vegan radfem. I stated that animals dont have human emotions and that I lived on a farm and they stated I was not an animal lover if I owned a farm and that yes animals do have human emotions. I wanted to clarify my position.

I am not vegan or vegetarian, first thing out of the gate. I eat meat, eggs, honey, and drink milk. Do I have issues with the over production and handling of major agriculture and livestock centers? Abso-fucking-lutely. Over consumption has created an unsustainable and brutal system that needs to be fixed. I agree with this. However the use of animal products is something I will always disagree with. Specifically because of how I view life and death.

My view of life is that no matter where you go or who or what you are, you require death to sustain you. From the plants that grow to the tigers in the jungle, something must die or decay to feed life. It's a natural and inescapable circle. Fungus and bacteria feed of of decaying bodies, breaking them down to the barest forms. Plants grow while feeding off of those decayed remains, growing off of the nutrients left. Herbivores and omnivores eat the plants to sustain themselves, taking in that life to grow and flourish. Carnivores and omnivores eat the herbivores to sustain themselves, to grow strong and old. Eventually they all die, once again bringing us to the beginning of that cycle. There is no place on this earth where you can live without death. Every living being on this planet is alive because of death because death sustains us.

In a cosmic or spiritual sense I do not hold one living being as superior to another. To me I feel the same reverence towards the plants that I eat as I do to the chickens that lay the eggs I eat as I do to the steer whose flesh I consume. Each one of those creatures is revered to me, their death or work brings me life, sustains me, and each of them is important and none are more important than the other. They do not hold more or less value to me based on who they are. The garden I plant get the same love and affection as the animals I raise. Why should I love and revere one and not the other when both will end up giving their lives for the cycle we live in? I know I will one day die and my body will return to the earth and the cycle will begin again with me being consumed by the very things that I had consumed in life.

We all sustain ourselves on death, the death of a plant or an animal does not matter, it is still death. And each of those deaths has meaning and matters as each of those lives had meaning and mattered.

So now that I've explained that so you have a better understanding of how I view the world, let's discuss animals and emotions. Animals and plants do not have human emotion. They don't and no one can convince me otherwise. Why? Because a dog has dog emotions, a cow has cow emotions, a tree has tree emotions. They each have their own way of perceiving the world and we shouldn't forget that. When we get so intent on seeing ourselves in animals we forget to see them. We look for only ourselves and become blinded to just how special their perception of the world is. I don't want to know which dog emotion mimics human emotion. I want to know exactly how a dog perceives its world and processes it. I don't want to see me in a dog I want to see that dog as a dog, as a life perceiving its world around it in its own unique way. I want to connect with it not because I see humanity but because our perceptions overlap and I can see the world through its eyes, not my own.

I feel the same way about plants. They all perceive the world in unique and vastly different ways and when you look at the world and try to see humanity in it, you ignore and are blinded to the things that are removed from that narrow scope. Plants do have feelings and perceive the world but it's so vastly different from ours we say they have none. But if they did not then the rose would never have grown thorns, the tree would never scar, the grass would never release hormones to warn others when it is cut, the dandelions would not tell others to duck when they are cut either.

Plants have a vast world of communication and feeling that we do not see because we are so blinded by looking for ourselves in nature we refuse to see the perceptions of the things that are just too different to comprehend.

So no. Animals do not have human emotions. Animals have animal emotions, plants have plant emotions,and that's great and wonderful. Each of those perceptions of the world are so important in understanding life and each other. To think otherwise shows the human superiority complex we have. We believe we are the mould in which intelligent life itself is cast from, if it is not like us, if we cannot see ourselves within it, it is not truly living or feeling. It's useless and stupid and is not worth the time to understand because there is nothing there to understand. All because we tried to look for ourselves rather than simply see what each living thing perceives of the world.

Onto my farm and the accusation that if I own a farm I cannot love animals. Im not going to give away too many irl details but we inherited the farm back in 2000 when family died. We moved out here and have been here ever since. I spoke of generations of animals and I was telling the truth. A majority of the animals on our farm can be traced back to rescued animals. We have a great love of finding the poorest, most neglected little beasties and rescuing them and bringing them home. We took care of them, loved them, and let them flourish. Cull sheep, orphaned calves, cage hens, abused cats, neglected goats, meat horses, you name it, we probably rescued it at one point. We even had a few years where we would buy barn pigeons stuffed into tiny boxes simply to let them fly free.

Those first animals became our bedrock and we grew on them. They had babies and their babies had babies and they grew old and they died and their family line lives on. A vast majority of the animals on our farm can be traced back to a rescue we did. We let the animals be animals and that included having babies. Yes we will sell some and you could twist it and say we participate in the corporate industrial meat industry but not really.

We never sell to feedlots or through massive operations. It's farm to freezer. We sell directly to consumers or people who have consumers to sell to (some of our buyers have people who live provinces over so they facilitate the deals we couldn't under normal circumstances). These animals are well loved and taken care of to the moment they are sold and butchered. We dont run 600 head or 1000 head. We run less than 100 and some people prefer it to buying stock from a store. At least with us they have the opportunity to come and see where their meat is from and see how they are treated. (Let me tell you people get really excited when they see you can go through a sheep or goat herd with the animals trying to love on you for scratches because you hand raised most of them and know you always scratch the best.)

A vast majority of our butchering is done locally as well. The one shop we mainly use does on the farm slaughtering meaning you don't stress the animal out by shipping it to a huge plant where it is noisy and quite frankly terrifying or even shipping them all over to a new enviroment. They stay at home and they die at home as painlessly as possible. They arent stressed and they never have to leave the place they were born. I prefer it that way. I don't like my animals to get stressed or scared. Neither do the rest of us here.

Im an animal lover 100%. If owning a farm negates that in some people's eyes I have to ask why? Is it because cows aren't cute enough to love or own? Is it because sheep aren't good enough to be on posters? Is it because I choose to extend my love to the unconventional animals? The non-cuddly ones? Why does living on a farm negate my love of other beings? Should we have left their ancestors to be abused and neglected? Should we have sold off the native prairie pastures we have to be torn up into single crop farms rather than allow our animals to roam free? Should we have left the cage hens in their cages rather than let them have free range on the farm to do as they wish (seriously though. Our ladies eat all the bugs. I haven't had a tick in years. They eat them all)?

Yes we have to sell some for meat but that is how we sustain ourselves so we can continue to survive and buy feed for all those that are left. I dont care what people think about our farm or our animals because nothing will change the fact that we have goats that give you hugs, chickens that treat you like one of the girls and try to feed you, to cows that want to bounce and play with you, horses that think teasing you is the greatest fun in the world, and sheep that will bowl you over trying to get attention and love.

Our animals are happy, healthy, and well loved. And in this world, that's the best thing for them.

[its0katka]

A Personal History of Mountains

I’m five years old, seven years old, thirteen years old, and I drive through mountains to get to my cousin’s house an hour away in Duchess County. I know they aren’t really mountains though, because they aren’t tall enough, or craggy enough. They don’t look like the mountains I see in books and on TV. 

I’m used to tall things because of living in New York but the skyscrapers are oftentimes too tall and give a warped perspective on what tall actually is. Nature is different, though. Nature is real.

They look pretty in the fall when the leaves change colors, but when it’s summer they just look like oversized bushes, in the winter they are a dead bark brown. They aren’t rolling, it’s usually one large dome and then normal-sized foliage otherwise. Sometimes they look pretty when they are covered in snow.

I try not to think about mountains because one time I tried to hike Bear Mountain and I hated it.

I’m 20 years old and I’m flying to Ghana. We transfer planes in Germany and as we fly south, we cross the alps. I don’t know which alps, but we’re so high up above them that all we see is snow-capped tops and sharp peaks clearing the sky. I remember how excited I was to see them, because they looked like real mountains, and I was so close to them.

In Ghana I went on another hike to Mount Afadjato. I thought it’d be fine because I’d done a hike to Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh the summer before, and that was alright, it was the same amount of time (two hours up, an hour down) and I figured I was spry enough to do it.

I wasn’t. I fell behind the group quite far, especially when trying to walk down the mountain. I was suffering badly with the elevation. I was wearing Crocs. 

Arthur’s Seat was 822 ft tall. It had stairs along the way, and safety ropes. Mount Afadjato 2,904 ft tall. It had nothing but steep climbs, slippery rocks, and a worn train. I lost my footing at one point and slid down the mountain, I thought I was going to die. The group went to a cave the next day and I opted to stay home and try to watch the Ghanaian version of American Idol on the TV we had that never really worked.

I’m 22 and living in Žilina, Slovakia. I was provided with a three bedroom flat all to myself, for the modest price of $400 Euros a month. My Independent Study stipend pretty much covers the rent, I have to use my personal funds to buy food but it’s not too bad because I don’t have a fridge, so I basically have to eat vegetarian, eat out, or not eat at all.

From my balcony (yes, I have a balcony, yes, it’s where I keep my milk, cheese and yogurt to stay cold in the frigid November temperatures), I can see the Malá Fatras, a Slovak mountain range that’s popular with skiers. I love standing out on the freezing balcony looking at it because these are the tallest mountains I’ve ever seen, and the closest I’ll ever get. It makes me feel normal, like the world is not so vast, like there are borders and boundaries and it’s somehow cozy, in a weird way.

One weekend, all employees of Stanica are gone on holiday; Dusan goes on a trip to Bratislava with his girlfriend, Audrey and Helen go to Budapest. I am on my own except for Ints, who offers to hang out with me while everyone is gone, who makes sure to take me out to bars and have a good time, who drags me out to a mountain nearby to go see some castle ruins, except that I’m hungover as hell and the walk up is steep as hell and we stop for a cigarette break halfway through and I admit that I’m dying and I’m sore and dehydrated and can’t go on, can we please go home?

We stop at a bar on the way home and have warm beer. We go out later that night and I scream at him drunk in the snow because I want to have sex with him but he keeps saying he has a girlfriend but no one has ever met her, ever, not even his closest friend Aldrick and everyone keeps saying to me, “Wow are you Ints’s girlfriend?” and it killed me every time.

Years later I would understand that he was doing the right thing, he liked me but he was doing the right thing and knew it would be bad if we got involved. 

I’m 28 and on my honeymoon and we make a stop in Lake Como. I’m still not feeling 100% health-wise, and I welcome the chance to relax along the lake. Our Airbnb is a time capsule, it’s a separate room and bathroom attached to the home of a spry Englishwoman who married an Italian man and basically gets to see out her days in their Sala Comacina flat, with paramount views of Lake Como and a water taxi stop down the road. 

It’s more beautiful than anywhere I’ve ever been. The air is clear and crisp and warm, the Italian alps are visible in the far distance, snow capped and a stark comparison to the emerald green, sloping hills along the lake. When the sun sets, it turns them brilliant neon colors of pink, orange and purple.

We dine on prosciutto pizza and grilled fish at a place where the tables and chairs are made of plastic, and the local teenagers drop by for cokes. I take a picture and post it. Someone asks, “Is this a painting?” No, it’s reality.

I’m 30, and we’re driving through Switzerland, exhausted and half sick but determine to visit Berggasthaus Aescher, the famous building built into the side of a mountain, which serves food if you’re lucky enough to get there. I’ve done all the research, including figuring out how to get there by car, through winding roads and up steep elevations and narrow streets where the Swiss sports cars zip around like it’s no big deal except if you aren’t careful enough you may well drive off a cliff because there are zero barriers, dude.

We see old people, old people, riding bikes up the hills and I just feel really bad about myself, in comparison.

We find pockets of green space, sprawling hills with farms and cows, so many cows, cows everywhere and adorable cottages and I just keep wondering, “Oh my god what does one do here to occupy their time, especially with all of these insane hills and narrow roads to climb?”

Finally we reach Ebenalp and the cable car that will take us to the top of the mountain. All the way there we’ve been surrounded by tall crags and ranges of snow-peaked geo wonders. I can’t stop taking photos of them because this truly is the closest I’ve ever been to a real mountain. It’s 5,380 ft high and I wonder how on earth it’s possible for this cable car to bring us up so steeply and yet be so smooth and yet never just one day fall apart and crash.

We get to the top and realize we are sorely underdressed; I, in a thin sweater and a designer purse, Handsome Man in a long sleeve shirt and dress boots. Everyone else around us is wearing legit hiking gear — industrial boots, heavy coats, snow pants, bandanas. All of the things I read about Berggasthaus Aescher said it was an 15 minute hike to the guesthouse. I am winded in the first five minutes and I am walking down, not up.

At Berggasthaus Aescher, we realize it’s too late to buy food because the last cablecar leaves at 5:30pm, and if we miss it, we must hike all the way down, and who knows how long that’d take and what condition we’d be in by the end. We take some marvelous photos and retreat back where the steep climb has me stopping several points through to catch my breath. I see old women and little kids hiking and wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

I really liked Switzerland when we were there, it was this crazy place where everything was so expensive and no one looked like each other and the language, what even was it, and we paid $40 for pad thai at a takeout place, and Handsome Man got food poisoning because he didn’t cook his fondue meats well enough.

But what I can’t stop thinking about are those mountains, and valleys, where it’s just you and the land and the animals and the nature, and it’s so beyond beautiful and peaceful and you wonder how anything could ever be wrong there, and it’s not wrong there, it’s perfection.

[jeannereames]

This needs to be shared WIDELY. There are so many reasons for being overweight, and not all of them are about eating too much. Studies of our meat with various drugs to fatten the animal show it also fattens US. Different body types gain weight more easily, or don’t. And ironically, sporty kids on the constant move who can eat anything we want...suddenly have desk-jobs and realize we can’t eat whatever we want, whenever we want and portion control is, like, a thing.

Not to mention women’s bodies are *designed* to acquire and hold fat to be better baby-feeders and guys just don’t GET that. Why can’t you lose weight like I do? Uh, maybe because you don’t need to make MILK? And never mind the menopausal weight gain bump. (Lemme tell you ‘bout that....) There are a lot of factors that women deal with that men just...don’t.

Last, “healthy” food is EXPENSIVE. And you can eat cheaper on a steady diet of Burger King than on good food with proper fiber, good fats, veggies, etc. So if you are both POOR and *working two (or more) jobs to make ends meet*, you don’t have time to spend cooking “healthy” food, nor can even buy it, especially not pre-made.

So there’s a lot of arrogance, ignorance, and stupidity behind these attitudes. The health problem of obesity is very real, but IME, people who are obese HATE it. They aren’t chasing it. But add to all the above, once the body acquires extra fat, IT HANGS ONTO IT. Again, this is evolution at work. We’re designed to maintain higher weight because, way-back-when, we were more inclined to be starving. So it’s an adaptive function.

People who remain thin easily (ectomorphic body types) really don’t get what others go through. Losing weight seems easy, so why can’t all the rest of y’all do that? It must be a lack of will. Or sneaking snacks in the middle of the night. Etc. Not all ectomorphs engage in such, but it takes the ability to be empathic and listen to others. Even mesomorphs (like me) struggle with weight gain as we age.

I know people hate, “It’s complicated!” But folks...it is.

Yes, sure, there are obese people who do stupid shit: eat poorly, smoke like a chimney, drink a case of beer a day. But I’ve known people who drink a case of beer, and who eat crap food on a regular basis...who aren’t overweight. One of my daddy’s old buddies chain smoked, drank at least a 6-pack a day, and ate fast-food probably 5 days a week...and he was as thin as a reed. He also died of cancer in his mid-60s. My father (who did none of the above), but was of a normal weight, died at 92, and had still been mowing his own lawn at 88.

Health and weight are not equivalents. And, again, body-type and GENDER can have a lot to do with it. Severe obesity is a health hazard, but it’s only one of several. And even that can have complicating factors. I’m probably 20 pounds overweight for a menopausal woman in her mid-50s. I can still out-walk a lot of my students. ;)

I think it’s more important to encourage our kids to be active and exercise young, and worry less about what the scale reads. An active lifestyle in childhood leads to an active lifestyle as an adult. And a strong heart, good breathing, healthy food, all matter as much as weight. If Americans need to do anything more, it’s WALK, and walk briskly, not just saunter along.

James Corden Responds to Bill Maher’s Fat Shaming Take 

[almasidaliano]

Here’s the thing about Religion:

so i'm not religious. i am spiritual. to each's own, whatever you believe in, im simply happy you believe in something.

i grew up christian, i guess. uh baptist, ame, and non denominational. resonated most with non demoninational, even gave sermon when i was 15. and i loved it, truly. church is what threw me for a loop the most in religion, and members of the congregation. it's like hard to want to follow something when followers aren't people you would imagine when you think "Christ-like" you know?

i have always been skeptical about christianity. about religion in general really. so you talk to god and he hears you and he gets back to you with a signal or sign, a blessing or a lesson etc. very seldom people go through these experiences where they have truly heard the voice of God or seen some silohuette or something. its all about faith. and that wasn't the issue. "walk by faith not by sight" right? okay. it was the discrimination. the way people take it upon themselves to condemn others. the amount of sins people commit by simply having a judgemental conversation in a holy building is beyond me. the way the pastors feed off of the congregation. churches should be tax exempt meaning they are getting plenty to sustain their building from the government. why is the congregation dropping money in collection plates?

tides and offerings. paying dues. what about buying food for someone who was hungry? or simply giving some money to someone in need? why is it you go through your week being christ like giving tides and offerings selfishly whole heartedly, just to come to church and twice maybe three times a collection plate goes around while the pastor giving some motivational speech about how he know you got it; knowing you probably don't so to speak.

the most repetitive thing in the bible is not to judge and christians have got to be some of the most judgemental people i have ever known. when it comes to religion so many believers want to passively play god. they want to decide who is worth saving and who is condemned, who is living right, and what they need to be doing with their life. and that is not their job nor their place. you love thy neighbor. it never said unless xyz. no. simply love thy neighbor. it means be kind. love can be passive. it's treating humans like humans and not animals. common decency; which like common sense is less than common.

each religion has like its commandments you know those clear set of rules. i personally never thought these were things that needed to be clarified on the do not do list, however society. when you really break it down though, it is simple. be a good person. don't steal, don't kill. don't commit adultry (being loyal and faithful). etc. there are hundreds of stories in the bible. each open for each individual's interpretation.

if the title of the Creator is God then God is a woman. male and female exist yes i just think there is a little bit left off to the story. if there's a battle of the sexes women are the superior. first, there's father time and mother nature. time is a construct, it does not actually exist. ashes to ashes dust to dust. we all come from the earth.

see how the white man created a male god and sent his male son to save us all. "this is a man's world" (the Devil is a white man. and God is a black woman.) that is true, why? because Earth is the Devil's playground. what is so crazy is that the devil is this symbol of desire and guilty pleasures, rebellion and such and here we have the power to choose. life is about experiences. thinking for yourself doesn't make you a menace, how else do you learn? self knowledge is the best knowledge.

the Nation of Islam, is the prominent black religion. Catholicism and Scientology are the most prominent white religions. Catholicism enables sodomy and pedophilia. Scientology is a tax exempt cult, pretty much controlling the media and lowkey the United States. the Nation partnered with them and have been getting some heat from it, however i think they are trying to take it down. as time has progressed, everyone has gotten smarter. talk about a trojan horse.

Scientology and Catholicism kind of rule the country. all the many branch religions from catholicism just get ranked under that, however those two mainly. Scientology is a full blown brainwashing cult. they are the abusive partner in a domestic violence situation. most religion is. it's like religion or life. religion or family. religion or you know? more division. Scientology is more extreme in the sense that they really have policies and such enforced behind the rules and expectations. However, the same dynamic is kind of true for other religions. people get shunned and become estranged from their families frequently due to religious disagreements. it is truly disheartening because if someone is supposedly lost and you are their loved one, or simply a member of the following, why wouldnt you keep supporting them in the sense of like love companionship an ear to listen. instead, they force people to choose between trusting themselves and trusting their religion.

if your religion makes you question yourself take a look at it. you may be fucking up, you may not. however, blind trust will lead you off a cliff. almost all if not all religions talk about Jesus in one way or the other. there is truth in everything see? the Bible says its blasphemy to read another holy text. i want to find a Bible in the original script before people came with their intentions and made it what they wanted.

let's talk homosexuality for a moment. now i dont know how other religions work, however in christianity, christians love to condemn a homosexual. first thing, WHAT DOES WHO SOMEONE ELSE LOVES HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY OUTSIDER? nothing. nothing at all. it has never been anyone's place to tell someone who they can and cannot love. there are scriptures, however they talk about pedetry and sodomy, rape, and male prostitution. crazy thing, it speaks a lot about males not committing homosexual acts but im pretty sure only comes up once about women and the topic was still men.

here's what i think: like i said god is a woman. so if the stories still hold true, humans were created right? so male and man have prefixes. these are word parts that come before. adding these prefixes creates woman and female. in that, i feel as though women were here first. (probably considering all babies start as females and then whilst developing testes drop or don't.) men cannot carry children, they don't have the nutrients in their bodies, they too have nipples however they don't produce milk. men were created as a tool. like a whole ass donor or carrier. men do not like to be "second in command". they feel like in order to be a man and wear the pants, they must do all the providing while a woman does the nurturing. whereas women are multifaceted and great at multitasking. men are constantly thinking like squirrels trying to get nuts. that's all they are here for lol. women could rule the world.

toats just a random theory: what if eve eating the apple and gaining knowledge was the knowledge of true love. like what if shorty realized she aint love dude they were just made for each other lmao. like men are here for reproduction. and to help when a woman's hand are full. i mean like they are in the garden and shit all happy and shit then shorty eat the apple give it to dude and they like oh no we naked. so they go find bushes and leaves and make some lil clothes or coverings. its the knowledge of good and evil so what if their union was evil lol in the sense of bad. like they get caste out stay together have two sons and one kill the other on some hateful envious shit. men provoke violence and evil. they are so prideful. so its like men love women, because they were made to help repopulate and to some extent protect. that's why men think with their dick heads. maybe that's why homosexuality is a "sin" or they try and press the issue; because of rape and sodomy. also, in effort to keep women unhappy since men were too. like it says man and man shouldn't be together, blatantly. not woman. man. because it was unconsensual, and they are here for reproduction so they kinda wasting product getting off elsewhere if you know get what i am saying. lol its a loose theory just popped in my head. however, it kind of makes sense. this lifetime we learning and experiencing things. at the beginning of the lifetime there was woman and then male was created with the tools needed to procreate. as life progressed, there are now ways for same sex female couples to have children. currently only girls can be born due to the lack of "Y" chromosome, however in due time. it is still presently possible for a child have two birth mothers in the present. that is what life is for, the condension of One Sound Consciousness (basically the big bang except not how they described it.). the condension of the Consciousness means when the Creator decided on this lifetime and created every single thing in it us included in order to experience each and every part of their creation. the Creator knows all, can create all, however has not experienced all; that is what lifetimes are for. the experience. the knowledge gained.

always trust the vibes. energy never lies. your body is a radar. you must protect your peace. meditation is like prayer, except broader. in my opinion you let go of so much weight and you gain so much clarity. do not stop believing. always believe in something. mainly yourself. if nothing else. the things that you eat matter too.  there are religions against eating pork, all slaves had was pig parts and pig's food. personally, i think it strengthened our bodies against more diseases and such like made us immune.

religion is simply something to believe in. spirituality is actuality. energy is undeniable. you can feel vibrations. and if you can't open your third eye because you are sleep and we need to be woke. we are superhuman. we have superpowers. for centuries, we have been under a curse of mental slavery. (sound familiar? this is why our ancestors laid down and took it. this is why my melanated friends still laying down and taking it.

having faith supposed to make you stop being afraid to die. so do yall not actually believe in something? because i get (ish) in general not wanting to die if you can help it. however, what part of the life you living is worth living truly? if you sat down and looked at the cards you were dealt, could you honestly say "nah im good, it could be worse ima ride it out." or some shit? would you truly rather live this life than fight for the life you want, the life you deserve and maybe die in the process? so what if they gone kill you anyway?

you know they out to kill us anyway. this is the land of the free and the home of the brave. you gotta be brave to be free. we caged or running the streets. "Ye though I walk throw the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil-" trust yourself and give it to the universe.

We will prevail. We will prevail. We will prevail.

your God already knows your heart, learn yourself and fight like hell for peace, equality, and harmony.

-Almasi

[beautyindisguise00]

WHAT’S THE BIGGEST SURPRISE YOU’VE EVER HAD?

Friday night October 16 2020 @5:50pm

1. WHERE ARE YOU FROM? Wisconsin

2. WHERE DO YOU LIVE AND FOR HOW LONG? i’ve been in wisconsin my whole life of 24 years. lived in my hometown all the way til i moved to college. after i finished college i decided to stay in the town i went to college in for work purposes

3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT WHERE YOU LIVE? the different options around town of where to shop, eat, and other fun things to do

4. WHAT DID YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT THE TOWN YOU GREW UP IN? the lake. i love the fact that the lake was only a 5 minute drive and i was able to go there whenever i wanted. but also, the memories of the town.

5. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? not anymore

6. WHAT WAS YOUR 1ST PET’S NAME? thumperlina for my big fat brown bunny

7. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

8. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? i watch a lot of movies so i dont really have a favorite

9. FAVORITE MOVIE IN THE PAST 5 YEARS? avengers infinity war. avengars endgame, crazy rich asians, knives out, and maleficent 1 and 2

10. WHAT’S A MOVIE THAT YOU LAUGHED THE HARDEST DURING? ouf, i dont remember

11. WHAT’S A MOVIE YOU CRIED THE HARDEST DURING? avengars, crazy rich, and also while you were sleeping but that’s a drama

12. WHAT’S THE BEST-ANIMATED MOVIE EVER CREATED? the good dinosaur

13. FAVORITE TV SHOW? my two all-time favorites are one tree hill and the office

14. FAVORITE TV SHOW THAT IS CURRENTLY ON? chicago pd and fire

15. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT? olive garden?

16. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicken alfredo, really good sushi, fried rice, curry

17. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD? any seafood --> shrimp, oysters, clams

18. WHAT TOPPINGS DO YOU GET ON YOUR PIZZA? pineapple and ham. hahaha yes, im that kind of person

19. FAVORITE BEVERAGE? coffee, strawberry lemondae

20. FAVORITE DESSERT? cheesecake or red velvet cake

21. IS THERE A DESSERT YOU DON’T LIKE? pumpkin pie

22. CAKE OR PIE? cake!

23. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? mackinaw island fudge, mint chocolate chip, strawberry cheesecake

24. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE CONDIMENT? honey mustard

25. WHAT DO YOU GET FOR BRUNCH? crepes with nutella and strawberries

26. IT’S 4 AM ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, WHAT DO YOU EAT? fried noodles with two poached eggs

27. WHAT ONE THING DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR FRIDGE AT ANY GIVEN TIME? eggs

28. WEIRDEST THING YOU’VE EVER EATEN? duck and this one indian thing i dont remember

29. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BAND? one direction and tenth avenue north

30. FAVORITE SOLO ARTIST? liam payne, harry styles, niall horan, louis tomlinson, zayn malik. hahaha and ed sheeran, halsey, 

31. FAVORITE NONLIVING MUSICIAN? --

32. FAVORITE LYRICS? “and if the whole world was watching, i’d still dance with you” “baby im falling. head over heels. looking for ways to let you know just how i feel”

33. FAVORITE SONG OF ALL TIME? theres no way i could choose

34. FAVORITE ALBUM? again ^^

35. WHAT’S THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? currently singing like to the “while you were sleeping” ost  right now “it’s you” by henry

36. IF YOUR LIFE WERE A SONG WHAT WOULD THE TITLE BE? beauty in disguise 

37. WHAT SONG WOULD YOU PROBABLY BE CAUGHT DANCING ALONE TO? any of my current favorites right now

38. IF YOU COULD SING A DUET WITH SOMEBODY WHO WOULD IT BE? halsey. that would be so cool

39. IF YOU COULD MASTER ONE INSTRUMENT WHAT WOULD IT BE? guitar 

40. WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO KARAOKE SONG? ugh, i hate karaoke 

41. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING OR THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? probably back when i was rereading one of the “to all the boys i’ve loved” trilogy 

42. WHAT’S A BOOK THAT YOU PLAN ON READING? prayer by tim keller. i just ordered it online and it should be coming in on monday

43. WHAT’S A BOOK THAT YOU READ BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS READING IT? twilight series. haha

44. WHAT’S A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT POSITIVELY SHAPED YOU? mhmm...i dont remember. not that it posititive shaped me but the great gatsby was really interesting. also, when i was student teaching, i read number the stars with my kids and it was a great historical fiction book to read

45. WHAT’S A BOOK IN SCHOOL THAT YOU HATED? i didnt hate it, but there was this one book we read in ap lit and as a project, my friends made the movie version of it

46. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BOOK? to all the boys trilogies 

47. WHAT’S A BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN? ^^

48. DARK CHOCOLATE OR MILK CHOCOLATE? i like both but if i had to choose, then dark

49. UNDERWATER OR OUTER SPACE? underwater like in a submarine or something were i knew i was safe

50. DOGS OR CATS? dogs for sure

51. KITTENS OR PUPPIES? ohh, puppies of course 

52. DOLPHINS OR KOALAS? dolphins! i really wanted to swim with dolphins when i was in florida but it didnt work out in our schedule 

53. BIRD WATCHING OR WHALE WATCHING? whale watching

54. WHAT IS YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL? i dont really know. probably a sea otter. haha theyre so chill and they stick around with their peeps 

55. TO BE OR NOT TO BE? aint that the question to be answered

56. IPHONE OR ANDROID? iphone

57. TWITTER OR INSTAGRAM? insta

58. VINE OR SNAPCHAT? snap. i never had a vine but i remember watching a few vines. well i guess tik tok is the new vine now

59. WHO SHOULD EVERYONE BE FOLLOWING RIGHT NOW? Jesus. haha kidding not kidding

60. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE APP? WEBSITE? probably youtube

61. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? psych 

62. WHAT WAS YOUR BEST SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? psych and math 

63. WHAT WAS YOUR WORST SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? ap lit 

64. WHAT SUBJECT WOULD YOU TEACH IN SCHOOL? psych or a lower level math class 

65. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL? enjoy what you love doing as much as you can

66. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF AT 13? girl, be confident. you are beautiful. you are smart. and you are enough. dont worry about what others think and dont worry about the future because i got you. 

67. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′0

68. WHO IS YOUR FASHION ICON? eh, no one really

69. WHAT’S YOU FAVORITE FASHION TREND? well since right now is fall, i really like long cardigan with cute booties 

70. WHAT ARE 3 THINGS YOU ALWAYS HAVE IN YOUR BAG (BESIDES PHONE AND WALLET)? phone charger, hand sanitizer, and a mask. haha oh covid days

71. WHAT IS A CURRENT TREND YOU HOPE DOESN’T EXIST IN 100 HUNDRED YEARS? masks

72. WHAT’S YOUR MUST HAVE FASHION ACCESSORY? eyebrows done? haha my clothing fashion is pretty simple so i dont really have accessories but maybe a watch i guess 

73. HEELS OR FLATS? depends. on a day to day then flats but for special occasions then heels

74. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? eh, i guess i like both 

75. BLOW-DRY OR AIR-DRY? usually air dry unless i need to be ready asap

76. WHAT COLOR DRESS DID YOU WEAR TO PROM? i didnt really attend my high school dances. my first and last hs dance was homecoming and that was only because i was on the homecoming court. i wore a red strapless dress

77. FAVORITE COCKTAIL? sex on the beach, mimosas, strawberry daiquiris, margaritas 

78. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER AT STARBUCKS? white chocolate mocha. either hot or iced depending on the weather 

79. COFFEE OR TEA? coffee. i tried to drink more tea but i always resort back to coffee. haha

80. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE? i usually make my coffee at home. i just put in a mocha or caramel kcup then add in creamer. some days i’ll add in half and half or some chocolate/caramel syrup

81. WHO IS A PERSON YOU WANT TO HAVE COFFEE WITH? megan markle. odd but why not 

82. WHAT HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU WANT TO HAVE COFFEE WITH? general vang pao

83. IF YOU COULD LIVE IN ANY HISTORICAL DECADE, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHERE? probably the 90s

84. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COUNTRY TO VISIT? havent left mine yet. haha

85. WHAT’S THE LAST COUNTRY YOU VISITED? my own. haha

86. WHAT’S A COUNTRY YOU WISH TO VISIT? somewhere in the east. maybe like france or italy or korea or taiwan

87. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE STATE TO VISIT? florida

88. WHAT’S THE LAST STATE YOU VISITED? michigan

89. WHAT’S A STATE YOU WISH TO VISIT? colorado, new york, california 

90. WHAT’S THE BEST VACATION SPOT? bora bora! ouuu someday for me i hope!

91. WHERE DOES ONE GO ON A PERFECT ROAD TRIP? honestly, anywhere. just gather your friends, pack up, stock up, and drive

92. FAVORITE CITY? right now, probably orlando 

93. PILATES OR YOGA? i like both but if i had to choose then yoga

94. JOGGING OR SWIMMING? swimming!

95. FAVORITE WAY TO WORKOUT? ugh, at home

96. LEAST FAVORITE WAY TO WORKOUT? at the gym lifting weight. i always feel so awkward

97. BEST WAY TO DECOMPRESS? shower, then dinner and movie in bed with a glass of wine

98. WHAT’S THE BEST FIRST DATE IDEA? dinner and a drive to a fun spot

99. WHAT’S LOVE? genuine love towards someone regardless of their flaws, always

100. MAJOR TURN ON? neck kisses, vlines, touching

101. MAJOR TURN OFF? bad hygiene, rudeness, cockiness

102. WHAT’S THE WEIRDEST THING A GUY HAS DONE OR SAID TO TRY AND IMPRESS YOU? stalk my facebook and screen shot my old posts and send them to me OR ignoring my non-subtle hints that i have a boyfriend and do not want to hangout alone to “netflix and chill”

103. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE WHEN YOU MEET THEM? their smile and personality and how they made me feel

104. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? nah

105. BEST GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? im not really a big gift person but my mom gave me a micheal kors winter jacket

106. LAST GIFT YOU GAVE A FRIEND? i bought some baby shower gifts to my boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law’s baby, baby Grace :)

107. BEST GIFT TO GET FOR SOMEONE? like a generic gift? probably wine or a watch depending on the occasion 

108. WHAT’S THE BIGGEST SURPRISE YOU’VE EVER HAD? my boyfriend coming to visit me last christmas because i was so stress out and i thought we were suppose to meet up around christmas but he had his own plans that i was not aware of which then made me even more stress when i found out his plans but overall it was a very nice surprise and definitely helped me destress afterwards

109. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? white

110. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? probably brown

111. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF FLOWER? i dont think i have one

112. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE COMEDIAN? dont have one either 

113. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE ACTION STAR? chris evans, tom holland

114. BEST SUPERHERO CREATED? captain america

115. IF YOU HAD ONE SUPERPOWER WHAT WOULD IT BE? to teleport 

116. WHAT’S YOUR KRYPTONITE? too much snow. haha

117. BIGGEST PHOBIA? deep waters and heights

118. FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE? dont have one 

119. FAVORITE DISNEY CHARACTER? ^^

120. FAVORITE HOLIDAY? christmas

121. WHAT’S YOUR BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME? a dead bride. haha

122. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLOT-TWIST? whenever my favorite characters in a tv show gets killed off

123. IF YOU COULD DO A FLASH-MOB WHERE WOULD IT BE? new york, like how cliche and iconic that would be

124. WHAT’S THE COOLEST THING IN YOUR BEDROOM? my pineapple lamp

125. IF YOU GOT A TATTOO WHERE WOULD IT BE? probably on my side or somewhere on my arm

126. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE CURSE WORD? shiiiiiiiiiit

127. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? exploding kittens not really a board game but close enough

[frankunn-cain]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

hi um @yoshifics tagged me in this thing so i’m gonna answer some things (thank you for thinking of me)

tagging: @freckledandspectacled @toriirdz @frank-myhero-iero @smut-smut-in-the-butt @talkriddletome @xhanac @completelychris @neverland-in-space @preasylumtrager @sirachas @partygoul321 @flux–and–flow 

 the last … 

 1. drink: herbal tea. yep, I’m a tea hoe

2. phone call: My dad, he told me my grandma’s sister died. I’ve only met her once, but it’s really affecting my grandma

 3. text message: to my brother, I’m trying to build a 3D printer

4. song you listened to: I Don’t Love You by My Chemical Romance… ok I’m a bit emo. I was sad leave me alone :p

5. time you cried: early june. my school isn’t letting me go to graduation.. i thought i’d get over it, but it’s still hitting me

6. dated someone twice: no?

7. kissed someone and regretted it: ya i guess. i enjoyed it, but i really shouldn’t have

8. been cheated on: well i hope not

9. lost someone special: they didn’t die (if that’s what this is asking), but a good friend just ghosted me out of nowhere idk

10. been depressed: ye been a constant thing for awhile :)

 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: haven’t thrown up because of it

favorite colors… 

12. light pale blue

13.  holographic black (idk if this counts lol)

14. slightly darker than blood red

in the last year have you… 

15. made new friend: ye i think so

16. fallen out of love: idk relationships are so confusing

17. laughed until you cried: once? maybe?

18. found out someone was talking about you: ya :/ idk how to deal with that

19. met someone who changed you: ya, they’ve helped me grow

20. found out who your friends are: ya. when i came out my friend groups treated me strangely.. so kinda had to find a new one

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Yes. If by facebook list you mean we’re friends on facebook

general

 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Pretty much all of them? i don’t use facebook really 

23. do you have any pets: ya, i got a bearded dragon named Smaug and a pup named Bailey. I kinda share my best friends cats (3 hypatia, ozzy, and achilles) because I spend so much time at their house (my situation at my house isn’t so great)

24. do you want to change your name: Yes i absolutely hate my birth name :)

 25. what did you do for your last birthday: had dinner with my boss idk i wanted to not be around my family

26. what time did you wake up: like noon. I’m jetlagged and i feel like a bum 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: playing a new game i bought from the steam sale when i should’ve been drawing oops

28. name something you can’t wait for: a safe feeling :) i rly need to get away from my house. i get nightmares a lot and idk what to do

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: today

31. what are you listening to right now: sense8 on netflix a friend told me to. it’s p good

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Does Thomas count? If so yes. I know one from this space thing and one at school

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself 

34. most visited website: this one? or youtube? 

35. hair colour: Black. i wanna try dying it

36. long or short hair: Short. one side is shaved rn

37. do you have a crush on someone: idk feelings are complicated

 38. what do you like about yourself: mm yikes. some stuff i’ve made i’m proud of

39. piercings: just my ears. i really wanted snake bites for a long time lol 

40. blood type: O- 

 41. nickname: pear, oswald, ozzie, peari, oz (insert pear emoji here) 

42. relationship status: relationships are confusing don’t talk to me 

43. zodiac: chinese: golden dragon, asrological: taurus i think

44. pronouns: he/ him

45. favourite tv show: (im gonna list a few) GOTHAM!! i’m in so deep man. it’s the only show i’ve watched air. Danny phantom, Avatar: the last airbender, Durarara, Soul Eater, sense8 (idk tho i haven’t finished), star trek: the next generation, shameless, sherlock, doctor who, great british baking show, chopped, merlin, magicians, ouran high school host club, series of unfortunate events, kill la kill, TEEN TITANS

46. tattoos: nope, but i reeeeally want some

47. right or left handed: Right-handed, but i can draw with both

48. surgery: not yet, but i need one soon

49. piercing: repeat?

50. sport: i did rowing in high school

51. vacation: i really want to go to a lot of places in asia (japan again, south korea, taiwan, tahiti )

52. pair of trainers: shoes? ya i have running shoes

more general 

53. eating: i like asian and mexican food

54. drinking: tea!!! (bubble tea too) slushies, apple juice, milk

55. i’m about to: try finishing the 3D printer, hopefully draw

56. waiting for: fulfillment idk i’m kinda a mess rn 

57. want: okie doki, a lot. security in the future, not to worry about money, a cat, surgery, time, clothes, better mental state, relationships i feel absolutely safe about

58. get married: yo man, that’s scary 

59. career: working in stop-motion animation

60. hugs or kisses: i like both in different contexts. hugs can be with more people, but still i hate strangers hugging me. making out is like v great tho :0

61. lips or eyes: Can I say both again? eyes can be so friggin cool tbh. irises are so complex and can like dilate an shit??? but mouths have so many different shapes????? im smitten bro

62. shorter or taller: either

63. older or younger: either? in a dating context i usually like older people. (I’ve had the biggest crush on my english teacher, sorry Mr. Rossen)

64. nice arms or nice stomach: i feel like those are weird things to pin against? why not arms or legs? but I guess arms? you ever see a guy with nice arms and you like omg strangle me. mkay just me (no one is gonna read this far)

65. hook up or relationship: i’m uh kinda asexual so i wouldn’t have hook up sex? but make out and stuff sure, but I’d rather have a healthy relationship because u can do nasty stuff and cuddly/ domestic stuff

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i’m a chaotic neutral, i’ll hesitate if i’m not sure of the outcome 

67. kissed a stranger: Nope

68. drank hard liquor: Ye but i’d rather mix it with stuff

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: ya my mom was so mad i felt terrible :(((

70. turned someone down: I guess? i was in a relationship and he was being pushy??

71. sex on the first date: no I could not 

72. broken someone’s heart: i do not know. i hope not. i’m sorry dude

73. had your heart broken: when I came out to my parents

74. been arrested: Nope 

75. cried when someone died: ya…this dude in my grade died recently. i saw him the day before.

76. fallen for a friend: ya i think 

do you believe in … 

77. yourself: HAHAHAHA 

78. miracles: yo idk i wish

79. love at first sight: not really? but i won’t be against

80. santa claus: Nope 

81. kiss on the first date: why not? 

82. angels: not as little kiddies with wings

other 

83. current best friend’s name: one? lol can’t pick. Teutie, Illuin, Heming 

84. eye colour: brown?

85. favourite movie: mm nah i’m gonna list again. HELLBOY!!! i rly like the avengers one, Lord of the rings, Coraline, the purge, sweeny todd, little shop of horrors, gremlins, zootopia, star trek, star wars, the little prince, mean girls, mad max, the man from uncle, guardians of the galaxy, x men, harry potter (i like the 4th the best)

welp! Thanks for tagging me @yoshifics This was really fun!

[batsysims]

100 QUESTIONS NO ONE ASKS

I was tagged by @tickledsims ty ily!!

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? CLOSED when i was younger my little sister had a baby doll that would talk on its own at night and we called it the demon baby and hooooly shit

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? i dont take those bc my hair cant take cheap hair products but i do take the soaps!!

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i put the mattress cover sheet thingy on my bed but i dont use an actual sheet :/

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? nah lol

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? YES i love using office supplies i could spend all day at staples omg

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? no lol but il save the lil receipt coupons and find them in my wallet months after they expire

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? hhhhh bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? yep!! i love them its why im scared to use foundation i dont wanna lose em

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? i either smile or if my moms takin the pic il make a stupid face 

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? i have terrible road rage...... um........... i also hate it when men interrupt me i just walk away at that point 

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? yeah i pretty much count everything

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? i dont think so??

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? def not lmao

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? i have an eating dance, a drinking dance, and a video game playing dance hahaa

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? yes ugh it annoys me but i cant stop

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? at LEAST 0

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? i think its a single? a single or a twin either way im miserable send help

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? ummm probably You by Weird Milk?? its the most recent song i added on spotify so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? yeah def unless its one of those “real men wear pink shirts” like just.... stop

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? sometimes my sister makes me watch stevens universe?? il watch phineas and ferb too bc honestly who doesnt anime too but not always cartoon ones or w/e

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? 2001: A Space Odyssey and Daughters of the Dust come to mind

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? u kno where ;) no how big is the treasure?? if its a lil bit id put it in that drawer under the oven bc my family never uses that but if its BIG TREASURE id hide it in the backyard of the last house i lived in bc a. nobody lives there now and 2. its totally overrun with green bc of like two floods

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water! only water ever

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? honey if theyre mcnuggets but other than that i use honey mustard!

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicky parm

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? honestly Inception is my feel-good movie

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? a lil babu

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? i was in girl scouts much longer than i ever wanted to be lmao WISH i coulda done BOY SCOUTS

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if cash is involved absolutely

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? aboutttt three months ago!

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no but i can watch

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? when i first got my license yea :( 15 yr olds are dum

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? twice! very good memories

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? egg salad gud

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? the all star breakfast at waffle house yasssss

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? honestly like 9 since i always have to wake up at 7 in the am but il stay up til 11 if i can

37. ARE YOU LAZY? absolutely when have ACTIVE ppl done ANYTHING

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? i was usually a cat bc i never could find a costume i liked smh but when i was 2 i went as winnie the pooh lmao

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? ox!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? just english but im tryna learn spanish and japanese and im fluent in french if a two year olds speech patterns can be considered as such

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nah

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? LEGOS lincoln logs are big with nostalgia thoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? with dumb shit yeah but i usually just dont care enough abt stuff to deal

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? theyre both old idc

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? no lol

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? not really tbh i like the adrenaline

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? if im alone!! nobody deserves to hear that

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? nahhh

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? when im in the drive thru haaaa

50. EVER USED A GUN? id like to go to a shooting range some time but ive never used one im also very anti gun so i probs would never buy one unless it was a cute lil glock i can handle well

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? st patricks day it wasnt technically for me tho

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? not in general but when ppl start obsessing over a certain one for months on end abt a certain time period and certain performers and certain songs and certain people of history i start wanting ppl to die

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? YEAH I NEVER HAVE MONEY WTF

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? my sisters obsessed with them so yea but never like. authentic polish potato pockets or anything just a frozen box of em

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? apple?? im not rly into pie tbh

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? ive wanted to go into law enforcement/criminology my whole life!! for a sec i wanted to be a firefighter, a journalist/writer/poet, and some sort of artist but u know how kids are

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i tried to find that clip from malcolm in the middle for like ten mins but i couldnt yea

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? doesnt everyone tho?

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no im a bad adult

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nah

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? im not rich!!

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? usually just my undies but when im living with other people il wear a soft shirt and my dc heroes pajama bottoms ayyy

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? ive never been to one! i was gonna go see metallica in baltimore but i moved before i could smh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? walmart sry targets cool but too much money!!! i go there for home things tho does kmart still exist

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? ADIDAS ive been trying to get a full adidas tracksuit for YEARS

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? fritos! i like the super hot cheetos tho

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanutsssss

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope but they must be good im keepin @tickledsims response bc it made me laugh

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was a lil babu i took ballet and gymnastics a lil later

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i hope to never have a spouse  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yep

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? ive actually never even had a spelling bee im sure theyre a myth

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? i think so??

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nah

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? nahhhhh

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? no but i had a roommate who did i fell in love

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yeah ok lol so one time when i was a sophomore my french teacher had to use a substitute teacher and hes the reason i believe in love at first sight im STILL in love with him wtf ive also had a bf haha im hilarious

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? i dont really do concerts so i couldnt say but i think matd would be fun!!

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? oh my god

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? hot!!!!

81. TEA OR COFFEE? coffee!!!!!!

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? i dont rly like either but i prefer snickerdoodles over sugar

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can only do that weird frog swim i forget what its called so no im shit at it

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? ye

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? if im able to distract myself?? it also depends on the severity of what im waiting on i guess

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? probs a band i guess i dont rly think abt that kinda stuff sry

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? when i was four i won a coloring contest at the ice cream store

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nope im poor 89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? both are good!

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i can knit but i cant crochet

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fckn bathroom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? not rly unless its a partnership longlasting romance stresses me out especially with financial responsibility etc

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? -20 years

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? my high school boyfriend hahaaa h,,,,

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? im an adult sry

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1!

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? nope! lmao i love her tho

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? red but i also like many others??? idk

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? ummm not rly?? im not close enough to anyone to miss them and those i am close to im able to hang with

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? god uhhh if you havent done it already and want to, @dreambot @nebula-simms @ellowynsims and @pixelbloom

[low-budget-mulan]

All of the "hella [...] cute yall" asks! Muhahaha!

First of all tumblr changed and for some reason I am not getting all the asks that are being sent to me. So sorry for the late response 

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

More cereal than milk.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I absolutely love the cold. it is my favorite thing ever 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I have used very weird things. Usually whatever is closest. i used a slice of cheese once... 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

i take my coffee the way I like my men rich and creamy or strong and black. there is no in between . 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

I don’t ever really smile. so i mean not really 

6: do you keep plants?

until they die yes. 

7: do you name your plants?

no??? i’m not weird 

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

sleep

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

if absolutely nobody is around 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

yes 

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

where to begin. Snao, i dont need this my man has two jobs, it’s the strangest thing. it’s the weirdest thing, drugs, AMERICA EXPLAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN, i eat dogs for breakfast. there is so many more that I am just going to stop here. 

12: what's your favorite planet?

URANUS 

13: what's something that made you smile today?

my friend 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

empty because we would be using all of our money to pay rent in the stupid place 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

My dad is helping to build the satellite to replace the hubble space telescope. 

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

RAVIOLI 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

PURPLE 

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i MADE MY PRIEST THINK I WAS PREGNANT WHILE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND THE FATHER WAS ONE OF THE OTHER HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

no. I have always been unable to keep journals because my family doesn’t respect my personal space 

20: what's your favorite eye color?

tbh I really like brown eyes. 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I don’t really have a favorite bag. 

22: are you a morning person?

hell no 

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

sleep and netflix 

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

no 

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

the church 

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

i recently had to throw them away. I am now forced to wear shoes that are too small because I am too stubborn to buy new ones 

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

idk 

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset 

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

whenever i do something stupid/awkward/embarrasing my friend being completely honest will say “youre cute” she is great and must be protected at all costs 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

when i was forced to walk through the women’s march in san francisco 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

i prefer bearefoot, but i wear silly socks or just don’t match my socks 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

for a second i though turtles said quack 

33: what's your fave pastry?

Conchitas 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

it was a little stuffed girl doll thing. its name was sara (at the time I thought my name was Sarah so my doll had a different name than me) 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

yes, but am not artistic, so they just go to waste 

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

wal 

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

clea, but it is alwasy messy 

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

idk can’t think of them off the top of my head, but when people do things then i get annoyed 

39: what color do you wear the most?

black to match my soul 

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

my scapular, but it isn’t jewelry. I don’t wear jewelry just religious items. my scapular is blessed by pope francis and a third class relic of a couple saints 

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

the bible 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

honu. its smol, family owned, and peaceful. 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

it’s been too long. cant remember 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

adoration 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yes 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

it’s kinda cheesy so i don’t think it will be very gouda. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

pineapple on pizza 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

idk wasn’t really a scared kid 

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

yes. can’t remember 

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

scapulars 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

the digicatholit fam and taste of eternity 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

united memes 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

no, no, yes, yes. the ones ive seen I liked 

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

my grandpa when my grandma was in the hospital last week 

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

ummmmm can’t remember, but i do lots of things to prove points. 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

idk 

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

it’s overplayed, but I like it. no. I am a normal person 

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

me and me 

59: what's your favorite myth?

idk 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

yes. i lik the bred 

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

i gave someone a lego once. not a set of legos, not a lego man. a singular lego piece 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

no 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

no. theyre everywhere 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

 blue and cloudy 

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

yes. renee. it’s been almost 2 days 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

non existent. i’d like to not die of allergies 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

i love them. 

68: what's winter like where you live?

hot 

69: what are your favorite board games?

monopoly and quelf 

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

i was forced into playing it by someone who used to be my friend. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND NOT USING THEM EVER. 

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

iced 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

yes, but im too lazy 

73: what are some of your worst habits?

all of them 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

lit

75: tell us about your pets!

theyre ded 

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

ye 

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

MINIONS ARE LIKE MY FAVORITE THING EVER 

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my friend will stay up super late watching movies with me even though he has things to do in the morning. 

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

dark blue. no. 

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

puddles of poo 

82: are/were you good in school?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i could have been better 

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

idk 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

hell yea. mostly catholic stuff 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

john paul ii comic books 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i guess 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

monty python, heavyweights, nacho libre 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

catholic ones 

89: are you close to your parents?

no 

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

it’s hot and theres a lot to do 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

JAPAN 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

yes 

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

not brushing it because i am lazy 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

idk? 

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

sleep 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i wait until it won’t let me wait any longer 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infj sign of the cross slytherin 

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

idk it was fine 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

taste of eternity, your love

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

future 

[lemma-lassie]

All the asks

Here you go @advicefromanobody

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? A friend on our way to the ER for her tremors

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Yes?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Some friends I recently reconnected with

4. Are you easy to get along with? Um probably not idk

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Nah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Female musicians who are outgoing with a sense of humility and compassion

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Matt because he keeps texting me but like I’m gay so

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends on who it’s with

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? It’s been a while. Probably my bff @swawesome-wow

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Omg Harold confirmed”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Fly/I believe I can fly” (the glee version) “In Remembrance” (a Choral piece) “Dance All Night” Idk that’s all I got

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes yes yes yes yes but only when I’m okay with being touched so like don’t surprise me

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Somewhat? I prefer “fortune” to “luck,” but I don’t know why

15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to Vienna!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No…

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Im not up to date on enough information to make an educated decision

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I mean we’re friends on Facebook

19. Do you like bubble baths? No, I’m allergic to plants so the products usually irritate my skin

20. Do you like your neighbors? Yes, they’re an amazing family

21. What are you bad habits? So many?

22. Where would you like to travel? Greece, Germany, South Africa, anywhere possible

23. Do you have trust issues? Yep

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going the fuck to sleep

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Eyebrows?

26. What do you do when you wake up? Scream internally and then eat bread

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I’m already practically white, might as well go a little lighter

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My best friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Never been in a relationship

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Not yet, but getting there

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Emma Watson and Bonnie Wright

33. Spell your name with your chin. Sbba

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Is karate a sport?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV oh my god

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? So many times

37. What do you say during awkward silences? “Whelp.”

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? A passionate, selfless, intelligent, caring woman who can better me and whom I can better in return. And who is, like, gay

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? TARGET and dollarama

40. What do you want to do after high school? lol I’m in college so I guess I did something right

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No. I think it depends on the circumstance. For example, rapists don’t deserve a second chance

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Either I’m focused, pissed, exhausted, shocked, sad, or daydreaming

43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes, I always feel guilty when I don’t

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Mm, neither bc motion sickness and claustrophobia But I guess space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My alarm

46. What are you paranoid about? My teachers being disappointed in me

47. Have you ever been high? Yes, once

48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes, far more than once

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Maybe

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Purple

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Probably hermione tbh

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I could have more patience.

53. Favourite makeup brand? Elf because it’s cheap af

54. Favourite store? Target

55. Favourite blog? Uh

56. Favourite colour? Teal

57. Favourite food? Bread?

58. Last thing you ate? Rice with sausage and toppings

59. First thing you ate this morning? Chocolate croissant (usually toast though)

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think like best science project in seventh grade, it’s kinda gone downhill since then

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nein

62. Been arrested? For what? No

63. Ever been in love? Maybe

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Truth or dare. Two friends.

65. Are you hungry right now? I wasn’t until you mentioned it

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Nah, my real friends are pretty great

67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? No

70. Names of your bestfriends? Maha, Joslyn, Sarah, Matt

71. Craving something? What? Sleep

72. What colour are your towels? Teal

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One or two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? My stuffed bear Patches from 6th grade choir trip

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 20ish I think

75. Favourite animal? Cats

76. What colour is your underwear? Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate unless it’s icing

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Sea Salt Caramel

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Green and white

80. What colour pants? Green and white… I’m in pajamas

81. Favourite tv show? Sherlock

82. Favourite movie? Harry Potter

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? No

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? No

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? No

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo’s mom

87. First person you talked to today? Joslyn

88. Last person you talked to today? …Joslyn

89. Name a person you hate? Donald Trump

90. Name a person you love? Joe Biden

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nazis

92. In a fight with someone? Not currently

93. How many sweatpants do you have? None and it’s awful please help

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Like 6

95. Last movie you watched? Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

96. Favourite actress? Emma Watson

97. Favourite actor? Alan Rickman

98. Do you tan a lot? It’s burn or nothing

99. Have any pets? A cat named Lily

100. How are you feeling? Tired

101. Do you type fast? Ish

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes

103. Can you spell well? When I wear my apnea device... damn apparently not because I read that as "sleep" not "spell"

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now? People not doing their fucking work

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes, several times

111. Do you have trust issues? Yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My therapist

113. What was your childhood nickname? Lassie or Em

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes, many times

115. Do you play the Wii? Rarely

116. Are you listening to music right now? No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Not particularly

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes

119. Favourite book? 1984

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Only after scary movies

121. Are you mean? Only when I’m sleep deprived

122. Is cheating ever okay? Haha no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Never tried

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? I guess?

125. Do you believe in true love? Either you love someone or you don’t, it’s just whether or not you’re honest about it

126. Are you currently bored? A bit

127. What makes you happy? Music, bread, sleep, friends

128. Would you change your name? I would change my last name to my middle name to reflect my mom’s family

129. What your zodiac sign? Capricorn

130. Do you like subway? Fuck yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Remind them that I’m gay af and that they have a girlfriend

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My best friend

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dreams but they’re not quite what they seem”

134. Can you count to one million? I sure hope so but I’m not about to try

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? That I bought veggies and not dessert

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed tf I don’t trust people

137. How tall are you? 5'7"

138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy?

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette

140. Summer or Winter? Summer

141. Night or Day? Day

142. Favourite month? October

143. Are you a vegetarian? No

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark

145. Tea or Coffee? Tea, always

146. Was today a good day? Lol no

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? “We all must make the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts? I’m not sure

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Effects of age on detection of emotion”

[kidsviral-blog]

I'm Mending My Broken Relationship With Food

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/im-mending-my-broken-relationship-with-food/

I'm Mending My Broken Relationship With Food

After a lifetime struggling with disordered eating, I’m still figuring out how to have a healthy relationship with my body and what I feed it.

View this image ›

Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed

It’s a late night in winter, and I am standing over my gas stove heating a metal spoon. I hold the handle gently in my fingers, carefully rotating the bowl over the tips of the indigo flames as the pale yellow pat of Smart Balance butter inside begins to liquefy. The sleeves of my oversized sweatshirt graze the middle of my palms and I step on the hem of my baggy sweatpants as, slowly, I pull the spoon away. A tiny drop of hot liquid falls on my toes as I tip its contents over the edge of a plain white bowl filled with sugar. I add flour, some milk, a few drops of vanilla, and a handful of chocolate chips. I stir. I taste.

I take the bowl to the couch, balance it precariously on the edge, and lie down on my side, my fingers the only utensil, pinching stray sugary flecks off the velvet dark gray fabric as The Real Housewives of New Jersey blares on the TV. It’s been nearly three years since a therapist told me I’m a disordered eater. Yet, after one personal trainer, over two years of therapy, three juice cleanses, four gym memberships, 20 pounds lost, 30 pounds gained back, and thousands of dollars spent on healthy groceries and high-end cookware, I am 24 years old and spending another night, like so many nights before, eating a bowl of last-minute, mediocre cookie dough alone in my apartment at 11 p.m. And I hate myself for it.

View this image ›

Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed

I’ve been overweight — or bordering on it — nearly my entire life, at least since my family moved to the U.S. when I was 4. When I was a child, a routine fight between my Hungarian mother and me was over how much I ate for dinner. Propping my elbows on our scratched dining table, I’d watch her petite, pale hands hovering above me, ladling spoon upon spoon of rice on my father’s plate. “NO FAIR, DAD GOT THE BIGGER ONE,” I’d cry out when my own would finally land, unable to grasp why a 5-foot-10-inch, 200-plus-pound Nigerian man would need to eat more than I did. Seconds, for me, were a must. Thirds weren’t unusual.

Growing up in a white, affluent neighborhood in Lubbock, Texas, I was the only Anita in a sea of Amandas, Brittanys, and Tiffanys. I was biracial, brown and round, with a puffy ball of hair that sat squarely banded in the middle in my head. The boys called it a “burnt marshmallow” and “tumor.” Isolated and othered, I began using food as a coping mechanism around middle school, when my parents began letting me walk home (across the street) alone. I’d spend the two hours until my mom got off work by myself. My best friends had “boyfriends” in the way suburban preteens can — notes, stuffed animals, dates at the roller rink on school skate night. I had a gallon of Edy’s chocolate chip waiting in the freezer for me each day.

Eventually, my mom realized I was sneaking food and she started hiding sweets in the kitchen in hopes of curbing my steady weight gain. Instead, I became an expert at climbing on countertops, calculating how much I could eat of something before she would notice, and burying wrappers in the trash. Often, I’d throw away the balanced, nutritious lunches she’d pack me — whole wheat wraps and sandwiches, fruits, veggies, hard-boiled eggs — in favor of pizza and curly fries. “You ate your lunch today, right?” she’d ask cautiously, waiting for the “yes” we both knew was a lie. She was careful not to tie my weight to my worth, but rather reminded me constantly that what I was doing wasn’t healthy. Looking back, I can’t blame her, but at the time I felt betrayed. Though I couldn’t articulate it then, taking those foods away from me was taking away the one thing that made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I was already the chubby black girl; I didn’t want to be the chubby black girl on a diet.

View this image ›

Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed

As I grew older, I prided myself on being good. I volunteered. I got straight A’s. I didn’t drink, smoke, have sex, or do drugs. But I ate.

What had begun as a way of burying my insecurities morphed into a way of self-medicating full-blown depression and anxiety. Food was my salve and my secret. By the time I was a high schooler in Arkansas, where we had moved when I was 14, I was regularly driving through the local Chinese restaurant, eating crab rangoon alone in my car in the parking lot of an abandoned strip mall. Overwhelmed by a laundry list of extracurriculars that I hoped would get me into the “right college” — student council, cheerleading, theatre, National Honor Society, Key Club, jazz, tap, ballet — I ate until I was too full to worry. When I was cast in my senior musical, I ran to my car after last bell and sped up the highway to Sonic to buy Cinnasnacks (think mini-cinnamon rolls, but more gross) and a cherry limeade in the half hour before first rehearsal. I realized what was happening wasn’t normal when I thought more about what I’d eat when I got to my friends’ houses than the time I’d spend with them.

At the time, I tried to figure out what was wrong with me the same way I tried to find solutions to all of my problems as a teen: magazines. Yet, in article upon article, all I saw were stock images of thin white girls with whom I seemed to have nothing in common. I was obviously not anorexic. I never could throw up after eating, though god knows I tried, so bulimia was out. And while my habits were definitely in line with bingeing, which wasn’t recognized as its own disorder until 2013, I never felt like I ate quite enough to qualify. I had a tendency to buy a lot of things on impulse, take a few bites, then throw them away. I once read somewhere that Lindsay Lohan poured water on her food after she was full so she’d stop eating; I’d subsequently watched many half-eaten tubs of ice cream swirl down the drain.

I hoped going to my dream college would somehow absolve me of my lack of self-worth and, with that, my eating habits. Instead, I spent much of my freshman and sophomore years at Brown feeling like a fraud and making full use of my unlimited meal plan by stuffing to-go containers and eating alone in my dorm room.

Eventually, I began seeing a therapist, who diagnosed me with dysthymia — a low-grade, chronic form of depression — and generalized anxiety disorder. I also began seeing a personal trainer. By senior year, my body finally felt like it fit my 5-foot-2-inch frame. I spoke in class like what I had to say actually mattered. Instead of ruminating alone and in doubt, I opened up to friends and socialized. I went on spring break in Florida and took pictures in a bikini for the first time ever. I felt more in control of my life than I ever thought I could. I was finally, finally, happy.

View this image ›

Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed

But, despite my progress, there was one hurdle for which I couldn’t shake my anxiety: finding a job. An aspiring journalist, I had carefully checked off all the necessary boxes — writing courses, writing and editing for campus publications, three internships — but was terrified of rejection. So instead, I joined Teach for America after graduating in 2012, rationalizing it as a necessary experience to one day write about social justice issues. After a few months teaching third grade at a charter school north of Providence, I was miserable. Inexperienced and ill-equipped to handle the needs of my students, I began yo-yoing between jars of baby food that I’d eat as meals and cartons of Chinese food and quickly gained back half the weight I’d previously lost.

So, I finally sought out a second therapist who specialized in weight and body issues.

“The only reason you felt happy your senior year is because you were thin,” she told me during one of our first sessions. It was then when I learned the name for what I’d been struggling with my entire life: disordered eating, in my case chronic enough that it was periodically a full-blown, though unspecified, eating disorder (the distinction between the two is the frequency and severity of patterns). My therapist coaxed me to recognize how my entire identity and self-esteem seemed dependent on what was on my plate at any given moment. She pointed out that even when I had felt my best, I was undercounting calories, considering a couple dozen spears of asparagus or a couple of eggs to be adequate dinners, despite running regular 5Ks at the time. Instead of becoming healthier during college, I had swung from one extreme to the other. Now I was bouncing back and forth between the two.

Yet, as thankful as I was to have a more concrete understanding of what was going on with me, I rejected her theory. After all, I thought, much more had changed that year than just my weight and diet. The real problem was my job. The real problem was Rhode Island. So, I quit and I left. And, like a bad movie on loop, within a few months in New York I was juice cleansing and takeout bingeing, with a job at a fashion magazine where I was thankful for a cubicle so that that no one could see me inhale the finest Midtown’s hot buffet delis had to offer. Then, for a host of reasons, I quit that job after half a year and spent my “funemployment” obsessively looking for another one, watching all of Breaking Bad, and ordering Seamless at midnight.

Pause. Play. Rewind. Repeat.

View this image ›

Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed

I’m now nearing the end of my second year in New York, and by and large my life has begun to stabilize. I’ve moved out of a claustrophobic apartment I shared with roommates when I first got to the city into one of my own, and have both a job and a boyfriend I love. I cook more and, overall, eat much better, often Instagramming the meals I’m most proud to have made.

And yet — two weekends ago, I visited my parents in Arkansas, and it went badly: My boyfriend and I were fighting, the flights were changed because of bad weather. Exhausted, I spent much of my airport layover on the way back to NYC agonizing over what to eat, wanting nothing more than to drown myself in a combo plate at the King Wah Express, yet ultimately settling on a sensible salad from the glaringly obvious sensible salad place (“green to greens…” “earth fresh…”). The canned salmon was too pale, the dressing too much like something out of a Kraft bottle, and I was too aware of being the overweight woman eating a salad. I pushed it over to the side and grabbed my wallet. After another lap around the food court, I was back in front of King Wah Express.

“How much is just a side of lo mein?” I asked the woman behind the counter.

“$4.99.”

It wasn’t a lot, but I was frustrated that I’d already spent $13 on something that was going in the trash. I changed course.

“I’ll take two crab rangoon, please.”

I sat back down and ate them my usual way: crispy corners first, then soft, squishy middle full of filling. As I dribbled duck sauce out of individual packets and wiped grease off my fingers, I wondered, like so many times before, if my eating habits will — can — ever really sustainably change. I pulled up the waistband of my leggings, aware of the strings already unraveling at the seams in the thigh and that I’d just bought them a little over a month ago. Packing for this trip was easy; I am at the heaviest I’ve ever been and most of my clothes didn’t fit anyway.

The last time I ate crab rangoon, it was 2013 and I was still living in Rhode Island. After failing to go to the YMCA that was across the street from my apartment, I had purchased a membership at a discount gym in a small town 10 minutes away because, somehow, that seemed like a better motivator than a building I could literally stare at out of my bedroom window. I can count the number of times I went to that gym on two hands and have few memories of it, but I do remember the Chinese buffet that was in the shopping center next door. I went to it twice: one time to eat inside, in a pleather booth near a couple and their annoying kids, the other to eat takeout, in a red plastic Ikea chair in my kitchen.

I can’t believe I am fucking here. Again. I thought, as I thumbed crumbs off the airport table.

But that was two weeks ago.

I’ve come to realize I eat the same way I hit my snooze button every morning: just a little bit more. Tired when I should feel energized, so empty despite being so full. Food is still the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I still spend much of my time trying to hide just how much I eat it. After nine months in my own place, I’ve yet to buy my own microwave, hoping the lack of ease with which I can heat things will keep me from eating myself out of control. I’ve also yet to find a therapist in the city, an endeavor I’ve embarked on most weeks since I moved here and feel wholly overwhelmed by. However, I’m slowly, finally, acknowledging that my disordered eating — though inextricably intertwined with other issues — is also its own source of unhappiness, rather than a symptom of it.

And now I’m trying a new routine. Today was my fourth day starting my morning curled on my couch, sipping a cup of tea before I reach for the handle of the fridge. Before I leave my apartment, I pack lunch — a proper serving of “pad thai” made with spaghetti squash and shrimp, which I relished making earlier in the week, plus blueberries — in a plastic teal bento box with dorky handles. I feel equal parts embarrassed and ecstatic about carrying it on the subway and into my office, mindful of what my co-workers might think of such a marked departure from the spread of constant, countless snacks I’ve carted to my desk, but knowing after I’ve finished what’s inside, I’ll feel better somehow. This time, I won’t throw it away.

Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, here are some organizations that have trained support staff available by phone:

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders Helpline: 1-630-577-1330

Binge Eating Disorder Association Helpline: 1-855-855-BEDA

National Eating Disorder Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/anitabadejo/confessions-of-a-disordered-eater