#and yes i do have a shit ton of screenshots from these cards now

[avengers-rule103]

[zenalios]

[Warning: Long ramble ahead]

I have been thinking about Poseidon for an entire day, and not in the horny way. Much as I love to hate him, if I’m going to write about him, I need to know what makes him tick, right? There’s not much to work with if you look on the surface (seriously, I screenshotted and reread his chapters many many times, this twinky blond’s surface personality is almost as flat as an ironing board).

This all stemmed from me exploring whether or not Poseidon would have affairs. And someone else reminding me that canon Poseidon would not (again, thank you, you know who you are). The answer to this?

It depends. haha thanks law school  No, but seriously, I think I have gotten a grasp of his personality, hear me out if you have the time.

How does Poseidon actually function?

If he deems himself to be perfect, what does Poseidon actually do after all, since almost anything could be demeaning for him to do? Author has left us with a few things to work with that he won’t do or associate himself with, and instances where he acted out upon facing them:

Schemes and betrayal - Adamas schemed against Zeus (outcome: Poseidon killed him)

“The herd”/Support - The crowd cheered for Poseidon (outcome: no deaths, but he gave them a death glare and insulted them)

This could possibly extend to more, including protecting his reputation as the “perfect” being, the god of gods (”GOG”). 

But if we go along those lines… why did he even show up or participate in Ragnarok? Did Poseidon sign himself up? A tournament of this level could easily be interpreted as scheming too. That, and now he has to perform in front of the other gods, who he called a “useless bunch of bottom feeders”. Excluding the fact that the Author called him in as a champion (or Zeus, if we want to get cheeky), why did he agree to become one? He’s so perfect, he shouldn’t have to waste his time fighting humans, right? Why does he even care to attend anyways? Is it to watch their demise, which, again, they’re so trivial for a perfect being like him, so he shouldn’t give a shit about it anyways? Is he a repressed god who enjoys fighting like Thor, Zeus, and Shiva? We don’t get the impression he does, because Poseidon has never even had to try his hand at fighting someone better than him; he literally just one shot Adamas and that was it. Poseidon could have just turned down being a champion -we know he’s the most feared god, and nobody dares question him, so actually, nobody would have said anything if he decided not to. The audience didn’t even know he was fighting, so really, he didn’t stand to lose anything if he didn’t participate.

Here’s what I think. He participated because he knew he was strong, and he thought he could make a point there about how insignificant humanity is. His arrogance was further boosted by Thor’s crushing defeat of Lü Bu, and Zeus’s defeat of Adam (who was considered mankind’s trump card too). If they can do it, so can he, because he is the GOG.

What if he’s just doing things to prove a point? It’s very childish, yes. But so is the way he talks and behaves (I play a MOBA, and he sounds like all the trashtalkers I’ve ever met “ur trash uninstall game n00b” <3). He is like a teenager that has taken it upon himself to go through that “Nobody understands me” “I’m better than everyone” phase for all eternity.

Take having an affair for example. As pointed out, affairs can lead to a weakening of his divine reputation, and also, vulnerability. These are things Poseidon would be loath to fall for. So... no affairs? Not necessarily. The gods had tons of affairs. Zeus is literally depicted as a lecherous old man, so there is no way he was not having any of his own as well. With the exception of best boi Heracles, Ares, and Hermes (counting those we have seen so far), I think all of them would have had at least one, one way or another.

BUT, is being lustful contrary to being perfect? And if you successfully resist said lust, does that place you above everyone else? Yes, and yes. And how does Poseidon see himself?

Perfect. Above everyone else. The GOG I can’t not use this term, it’s so pretentious to me. On the topic of affairs, this would actually mean he deems himself impervious to lust as well. Poseidon would do it just to prove that he can, that he is fully conscious of himself, to prove that it’s just sex, just libido management to him, that he alone is capable of having an affair and emerging unscathed (this is childish, Poseidon is stupid).

WHICH NOW BRINGS ME TO THIS.

Why, for the love of the gods, is Poseidon like this?

Apart from the Author just writing him like so, I do believe there are certain underlying factors contributing to his trash personality. 

In Greek mythology, Poseidon was not always satisfied with Zeus’s rule. Though he was not overly jealous, he did attempt to overthrow him once or twice. Homer’s Iliad even mentions that Poseidon has schemed to bind Zeus, along with Hera and other fellow Olympians (think Adamas gathering everyone to do it). 

Poseidon in Ragnarok is never mentioned or shown to be jealous of Zeus; however, this does not exclude him from resenting that he did not become the king of gods. Zeus is their younger brother by order of birth (not counting the second birth), hence he should defer to the older brothers. It’s likely Poseidon thinks the same, there’s literally no evidence he is even loyal to Zeus other than him directly ending a plot that would overthrow Zeus by killing the source of dissent. All he says is that Adamas has defiled everything they stand for a bit harsh, man. Self-projection, maybe? The only difference between them would be that Adamas has chosen to take action and gathered everyone else to do it, while Poseidon just sat there and sulked about it. Then he takes it out on Adamas for bringing it up to begin with. 

I really believe this would resonate with Poseidon. If he’s that good, that perfect, the GOG, as they call him, why then was he not made the king of gods? Does it make sense for the GOG to not... become the… GOG? Underneath the entire “gods are perfect we need no one, gods don't need to scheme, gods don't need betrayal, bla bla” spiel, all I see is an entitled bastard salty geddit that he didn’t get the throne despite the fact that he never fought for it, simply because he thinks he’s so good it should have been handed to him on a golden plate instead of it going to Zeus. 

And when Sasaki pinpoints what he has not done, he gets even more tilted than a player whose match just got thrown, and winds up throwing his own match. Because even though Hermes mentioned that “the true depths of the ocean god remain a mystery even to his own kind”, someone who has lived life to the fullest like Sasaki can easily call him out on his bullshit. Which he of course becomes absolutely incensed at. Sure, he's played by these rules for eons, but if a person has been that way for so long, they would simply be confident and shake the insult off. Why then, is Poseidon so angered by Sasaki's statements? It's simple. After so long, someone has finally seen through it or dared to call it out after seeing it. The gods might not have, since they all believe they're perfect (re: Zeus, "such are the gods"), but a human certainly would.

Killing Poseidon can essentially be simplified into this:

Passion vs apathy (not empathy, again, it is 7am)

Action vs inaction

People you actually want in your life vs toxic people you don’t (I’m kidding, but seriously)

Overall,

Poseidon is a hypocrite and is so self-absorbed that in his own world, he plays judge, jury, and executioner.

“Perfect” this, “perfect” that. The whole thing is an act, ocean man is a sham. Poseidon excuses away his actions by insisting that perfect beings do not need to do such things. Then he goes and does them, but picks apart other people for it. After Adamas attacks, he becomes history erased from the books -hello, this is another scheme between yourself and Hermes, what about gods not needing to scheme? On top of that, doesn’t killing your brother count as betrayal anyways? 

Anyways, yes, he’s stiff, he’s trash, I would not wish meeting / dealing with him upon my enemies, but he is a very nice challenge as a writer to try and pick apart his character. 

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

OB Rewatch: To Right the Wrongs of Many

I’m not crying, you’re crying

You can read my first watch review, which hits a number of points I left out,  here: https://lobsters-on-their-heads.tumblr.com/post/164138983111/to-right-the-wrongs-of-many

I loved

Sarah’s flashback scenes flow with the storyline, and inform Sarah’s current character. We learn more about her, and get answers to a question that hadn’t occurred to me to ask - why did she decide to keep Kira? 

Siobhan! Being the loving nurturing mother we’ve seen her be for five seasons. Quite different than the woman we meet in episode 2, who was DONE with Sarah’s bullshit.

Sarah rummaging around the basement boiler room, fussing over Helena to get her the things she can, keeping her head cool and her voice reassuring.

Art: “Are you alright?”

Helena: “Most excellent.”

And the back and forth between Sarah and Helena bearing their children, with Sarah repeating the lines Siobhan gave her... I... *sniffles* ....

The shot of the twins

Art and Sarah delivering Helena’s babies. They were, after all, the first two members of Clone Club that she interacted with. Sarah was absolutely the best person to do it.

Helena’s stick figure mobiles

Cosima and Scott helping Sarah practice for her GED. Hell, Sarah practicing for her GED! Which she will eventually take, I know she will.

Siobhan’s portrait. It’s her, a cup of tea, and her shotgun. Perfect.

Donnie is adorable with the babies. It’s a damn shame we didn’t see more of him being a father during the show (probably due to the availability or desire of the child actors). 

The parallel with Season 3′s opener

I loved the entire fucking baby shower. My favorite thing ever is whole Clone Club events like this. I also really hope that those judgey “friends” of Alison’s from Season 1 (you know, the living ones) saw all these random people streaming into her house, including a gay couple, a lesbian couple, awkward nerdy guys, a black guy with his daughter and a disabled girl, and a perma-drunk from the vague South. To say nothing of how those neighbors must feel about Helena.

Cosima taking Purple from Felix and immediately handing him to Delphine.

Love, love, LOVE Cosima’s dress. Which was surprisingly difficult to get a good screenshot of while she’s standing.

Finishing the show with the Sestras together. Okay, so the very final scenes didn’t have them together, but you know what I mean. This scene was wonderful. Yes, they are going off and living happily ever after, but pain remains. Pain that is perhaps related to their fights, but not always. No matter what, though, they always have each other. 

*cries again* 

Helena’s story about letting the babies eat sand! “Where does this sand come from? I don’t know, so I let them eat it.” We all know it comes from the bodies buried under her apartment.

I liked 

The camera circling around Sarah while Westboreland taunted her.

Sarah: “Ah, shut up!” and then she smashes his head with a oxygen tank.

Kira being supportive and understanding of her mom. I like it because Kira’s sweet, but I don’t love it - Kira’s a kid, and she shouldn’t have to worry about her mom.

Helena offering Kira a jam burger and Kira backing up quickly. I hope that was improvised. 

The contrast between the sunny family time of the baby shower and Sarah’s darker solitude as she approaches and enters the house.

The parade of people asking Sarah “How was the test?” I like it for the comedic aspect, but also because every single person there supports and roots for Sarah exactly where she is. None of them show any judgment that she’s taking her GED test instead of, say, her GRE.

I’m as lesbian as they come, but I do melt when I see tough guys holding babies like this.

Sarah’s face as Helena starts sharing her book.

I didn’t like

The placement of Delphine’s condolences to Sarah about Siobhan. It’s been months, and Delphine has almost certainly seen Sarah before now. It’s a nice moment, but it’s out of place. It’s also one of the few times we’ve ever seen Delphine and Sarah alone together, and I believe the only time it’s happened since the first episode of Season 3. Delphine’s sentiments regarding Siobhan are spot on, but it’s odd to hear her emoting like this to Sarah. Even in the rewatch, I was just as uncomfortable as Sarah was.

That Rachel couldn’t come in. Obviously she wanted to, despite her claims to the contrary, and she needs the redemption that the sestras give each other. 

Other notes

I see now that it wasn’t the tray table Helena smashed Coady’s face into, but the stirrup / footrest at the end of the bed.

Westboreland drones on about “I made you” yadda yadda, but he did pretty much jack shit in the creation of the clones except maybe finance and protect. The Duncans did the work.

Pretty sure that’s Sarah’s first kill.

Somewhere in the second half of my first watch of Season 5, I had this fic idea of Donnie and Helena going to the island to rescue Cosima and Charlotte (and Delphine). In that fic, Delphine delivers Helena babies, which is kind of what everyone on Tumblr wanted. Anyway, having Sarah do it here was actually a much better idea.

There was definitely infodump with Alison talking to Donnie about his new job, but I’ll kind of allow it since it involved pouring concrete floors, and... well. That is something he knows about, isn’t it?

As cool as this board is for the show, I’m not sure why it’s set up this way for them. They could store the info in a spreadsheet (Delphine already has it in the computer). The pictures are fun, but don’t serve much purpose for their research. Like, they already know they’re all played by Tatiana Maslany, so they’re not trying to figure that mystery out. But maybe Cosima just likes to look at them?

The birthday card Sarah finds is tucked into the same book that Cosima read to Kira at the end of Season 2. Was the card in there then, or was it tucked in later by Siobhan or someone else?

And I’m totally with with Felix on being upset about the boxes and the for-sale sign. Even if he’s not living there, a lot of the stuff was probably his once, just as much as hers. He deserves to have a piece of his mother to hang on to without Sarah throwing it away (which she totally would).

Évelyne’s probably doing an awful lot of this these days

According to IMDB, Lauren Hammersley is 5′9″. See, this is why Tat always looks so short. She’s surrounded by really tall people.

Sarah had nothing to be sorry about when she snapped at Alison, who was pushing way too hard at completely the wrong moment. 

Most of the Lyft and Uber drivers I’ve had would not have sat silently in the front seat like Yusef did. Rachel probably scared him into submission.

With a number like 274, I think it’s safe to assume that there were originally 300 Ledas, and 26 were either killed by Helena, by clone disease, or by something else. 

Of course Évelyne speaks Spanish. Two dialects of French, English, and German weren’t enough. 

Interesting that the babies are Arthur and Donnie, rather than Arthur and Donald or Art and Donnie. I wonder if a certain US president influenced that decision.

I have questions

Why does Coady follow this asshole, again? Why does she do things that she, herself hates, like killing Mark? What does she get out of it that she couldn’t achieve on her own or with a different crackpot? What is left for her here? What’s in it for that other doctor, too? 

(really disturbing note - had the abortion gone through, would Kira’s magical healing abilities have, uh... ? you know what, let’s not explore that too much)

Why does Sarah struggle so much with school? She’s obviously intelligent and able to focus on and achieve goals when she wants to, but academics seem to elude her. It seems logical to me that her attitude problems and academic struggles would be related. Then there’s her anxiety (called fear, but really) and terrible self-esteem, and everything spirals, but it didn’t always.

A few episodes ago, Scott or Cosima said they had 144 doses of the inoculate ready to go. In this episode, Scott’s worried about expanding the cell line any further. Does that mean they’ve used 144 doses? I doubt it. Does it mean they’re just making shit tons of it? I don’t know how any of this works.

Where is Felix living now, by the way?

Is this realistic for a glass eye?

I would’ve liked to have seen

What happened to Enger, and Art seeing it happen. More than that, though...

I think this ep could have been a solid two hours if they’d committed to it. The extra hour could include

Sarah, Helena, Art, and the twins getting out of Dyad, accounting for the dead bodies scattered around in there, and wrapping up what’s left of Neolution 

Delphine’s return from “France” and finally starting a real relationship with Cosima. I want to see them getting ice cream together.

Also Delphine taking rocks away from the babies

Helena moving into the garage

What’s the plan for Charlotte?

How Felix and Colin became a couple

and still leave us wanting more. Plus, that Delphine / Sarah scene could have found a better spot.

[demonsurveys]

#16

Do you like the song “Baby Got Back”? No

Do you like arm/wrist warmers? No When did you stop playing with barbies or whatever toy you enjoyed as a child? I can’t actually remember. I feel like it was probably my final year of primary school so about age 10.

What’s your favourite game? (Out of electronic games, nintendo games, card games, et cetera) I love cards against humanity and uno

When did you first hear of Harry Potter? In primary school

How many pictures do you take a month on average? I don’t tend to take many photos unless I’m out doing something which is rare. I take a lot of screenshots of memes and tweets though

What colour are your eyes? Blue

Speaking of eyes, have you ever taken a picture where your eyes turned out a WAY different colour from your actual real-life eyes, and somebody ends up complimenting THAT colour? No

Are you the type people should take seriously, or should they think you’re joking most of the time? I don’t think anyone thinks I’m serious all the time or joking all the time either. I’d say I’m balanced between the two.

What do you think of therapists? I’ve had bad experiences with them before but I know a lot of people benefit

Do you have a bad temper? I don’t think so, no more so than the average person anyway

So, are you looking forward to being out on your own? (And if you’re already out on your own, how do you like it?) I was out on my own for three years but then had to move back home. I got lonely out on my own but I do miss the freedom and independence it had. I’d like to move out again within the next few years.

What are your feelings towards e-dating? If you’re sensible then sure, go for it. I met my girlfriend online but it wasn’t through e-dating. It was definitely something I didn’t want to do originally and when I realised I’d caught feelings I panicked but she came into my life that way.

Would you ever go to a sperm bank to get pregnant? Maybe in the future, I wouldn’t rule it out as an option but not right now.

What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you lately? I experienced deja vu for the third time earlier. Like I knew I’d experienced it twice before already about the same event.

Are your nails painted? If so, what colour? No

Is random actually.. random anymore? Fun fact: nothing can be truly random

Which body of water do you prefer? (IE: Pool, ocean, lake, river…) I like looking at oceans, lakes and rivers but much prefer swimming in a pool. I’d say lake if I had to pick though

Do you have the same initials as anyone else you know? No

What do you think of people who use the saying, “Ignorance is bliss” in defense of something? (IE: When they’re being naive, know it, and defend themselves by saying “Ignorance is bliss.”) It’s shit

If a little kid walked up to you and asked, “Are you goth?”, how would you respond? No but if that happened I wouldn’t be surprised I like to wear all black a lot

When you like someone, and they don’t know about it, are you the type who wants to tell them, or them to make a move first? I usually wait for someone to make the first move but with this relationship after drinking a shit ton of alcohol I told my girlfriend I liked her which I have never done before

Does it annoy you when people say their heart is “broken”? No

Would you rather hang out with friends, hang out with one close friend, or be alone? One close friend

Do you roll with the punches or get kicked in the gut.. so to speak? Roll with the punches

Would you know exactly how to help a person if they were choking on something? Yes but I’d still be panicked 

Do you prefer calm, soft songs - or heavy, loud songs? It depends on my mood. Right now? Calm and soft

What do you think of Mariah Carey? It’s funny seeing her on every packet of walkers crisps at the moment but other than that I don’t really have an opinion

What about that song by Rihanna where she’s saying she doesn’t want to be a murderer, when SHE’S the one cheating? She means she knows what she’s doing is wrong and will kill her partner on the inside. I like the song but it’s not one of her best and I don’t condone cheating anyway.

What makes you the most frustrated? At the moment? The state of my country

What are you listening to? The sound of me typing

What do you think of lucid dreaming? I tried to do it before but never could

What language do you want to learn? (If you’ve already learned it, which is it?) Italian so I can fuck off to italy and live there

Finally, have you ever painted one of those “Paint By Numbers” things? Yes

[chelsorz07]

midseason breaks really suck ass

But here’s the latest from my facebook memories. 2009/2017

***********FOODOLOGY*************** 1. What is your salad dressing of choice? honey dijon. Ranch. 2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? tgi friday's. Usually Applebee’s. Gotta have me some quesadilla burgers. I also love BJ’s Brewhouse and Bob Evans. 3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? wings. Pizza. 4. What are your pizza toppings of choice? cheese, pepperoni, and hot sauce. Cheese. 5.What do you like to put on your toast? butter. Butter for use with fried eggs, grape jelly for scrambled. I don’t eat toast unless it’s with eggs. 6. Any vegetables you don't like? not really. i thoroughly enjoy vegetables. I stopped liking broccoli several years ago.  7. Do you eat seafood? no. Still no. Never will. ***********TECHNOLOGY*************** 1. How many televisions are in your house? three. Four total, three that are hooked up. 2. What color cell phone do you have? black. Grey. 3. How long would it take you to look up who invented the Rubber Band? seconds. the interwebs are cool like that. A really long time because I don’t feel like it. 4. Have any idea how many megahertz your computer has? no. i'm sure dave could tell me but i don't know. No. But I’m pretty sure they run in gigahertz now. ***************BIOLOGY****************** 1. Are you right-handed or left-handed? left. Lefty. Hail Satan. 2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? tonsils. Tonsils and gallbladder. 3. What is the last heavy item you lifted? maranda. Marshall. 4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? i had a concussion when i was five. I don’t remember the fall that caused the concussion knocking me unconscious. I just remember my babysitter yelling at me for trying to take a nap because I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep. ************BULLCRAPOLOGY************** 1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no. Meh. Idk. 2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? no idea. I never really had a new name in mind but I’ve always hated mine. 3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? hell yeah i love hot sauce. I’d do it for free but I also wouldn’t turn down a thousand bucks. ************DUMBOLOGY****************** 1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? six-ish. At least ten. And I only ever wear the red or black ones. 2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops? my fucking birthday. A few years ago I got a ticket for “running a red light”. I maintain that it didn’t turn yellow until I was at the line and there’s no way I could’ve stopped in time. But I paid my $112 and got on with my life. 3. Last person you talked to? chele & megan. In person, Sue at work. Online/texting, Amanda. 4. Last person you hugged? dave. Austen. **************FAVORITOLOGY**************** 1. Season? fall. That will always stay the same. 2. Holiday? fourth of july & new year's. Fourth of July and Halloween. I have no idea what I ever liked about New Year’s. 3. Day of the week? saturday. Thursday & Sunday. 4. Month? october. Don’t really have one, as long as it isn’t snowing. ***********CURRENTOLOGY***************** 1. Missing someone? gary. Dave, my family, my friends. 2. Mood? content, but tired. Pissed about being sick, tired AF, really not wanting to go to work tomorrow. 3. What are you listening to? that 70s show. Literally just the sound of my furnace and laptop. 4. Watching? same. Nothing. ***************RANDOMOLOGY***************** 1. First place you went this morning? pee. I haven’t gone anywhere. It was great. 2. What's the last movie you saw? idk. Die Hard. 3. Do you smile often? yep. Ehh kinda. I mean I like to laugh but I’m not really a happy person. ***************OTHER-OLOGY***************** 1. Do you always answer your phone? rarely. Never unless I’m expecting a specific call. And even then there’s like a 65% chance that I fell asleep and couldn’t answer anyway. 2. Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? could be anyone. Probably Dave. He’s always up then, whether it be just getting up to get ready for work or almost done with the night shift. 3. If you could change your eye color what would it be? i wouldn't. well maybe i'd make them more green than hazel but i like them this way. I like my eyes. And they ARE more green now. 4. Do you prefer cold or hot? warm. Tepid. 5. Whats your favorite gossip magazine? cosmo isn't really a gossip magazine...it's more for sex tips than anything...and it's the only one i read. I don’t read magazines. 6. Have you ever had a pet fish? no.  Nope, my cats would murder it.

8. What's on your wish list for your birthday? this gorgeous ring from tiffany's (don't get the wrong idea - it's only a hundred bucks), and booze. lots and lots of booze. Probably just money. 9. Can you do push ups? no. Not even the girly ones. 10. Can you do a chin up? ha nope. Not since I was 14 in volleyball conditioning. 11. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? both. Nervous. Everything makes me nervous. 12. Do you have any saved texts? yes. I mean who saves texts anymore? That’s what screenshotting is for. 13. Ever been in a car wreck? no. Not a wreck. I was with my mom when she skimmed the side of a van in a parking lot but it was minor damage and I took out someone’s taillight with my truck once in a different parking lot but it literally cost ten dollars to replace it. 14. Do you have an accent? apparently a "yankee" one. I get real southern when I’m drunk or pissed off. Which is funny because I’m not southern. 15. What is the last song to make you cry? idk. every song makes me cry. i can't keep track. My former answer stands. 16. Plans tonight? just got back from megan's. now i'm going to bed. Tonight just ended. I planned to sleep three hours ago. Now I have to pee and actually sleep.  17. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? yeah. Yes but I probably haven’t. 18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? nothing. i have no money. I didn’t get them all yesterday, but the last three things I bought were a phone card, Arby’s, and a box of peppermint crunch junior mints. 19. Have you ever been given roses? just for graduation. i hate flowers. Same. 20. Current worry? bills. How the fuck I’m gonna make it to work tomorrow with this illness. And the weather. 21.Current hate? psoriasis. Winter. And my sinuses. 22. Met someone who changed your life? of course. Everyone I’ve met has changed my life, for better or worse, in large ways and small. 23. How will you bring in the New Year? like a drunken idiot, along with my best friends. In bed. Or probably more accurately, on the couch with my netflix and my kitties. 24. What song represents you? all of them. music in general represents me. Still true. But right now I can’t stop listening to Matchbox Twenty’s second album. Rob Thomas is just so freaking talented. 25. Name three people who might complete this? i don't think anyone on here will. erin maybe, if she gets really bored. Nobody because it’s almost ten years old and this is tumblr. 26. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? no. Probably not. 27. Have you ever been to a concert? many. i've seen eleven shows this year alone. Tons. We go to at least one or two a year. At least. 28. Do you have any tattoos/piercings? ears pierced, one tattoo so far. My ears closed and I’ve added a tattoo.  30. Does anyone love you? hope so. Maybe like two people. 31. Ever had someone sing to you? yeah. Usually Amanda. We serenade each other. 32. When did you last cry? don't know. Christmas day I believe. I was in pain and tired and stressed out and didn’t have time to get ready before going to do festivities.  33. Do you like to cuddle? love it. Ehh. Sometimes. Othertimes I feel like I’m literally suffocating.  34. Have you held hands with anyone today? nooo i didn't get to see him at all :( Um no. We don’t really hold hands. Like almost never. And I haven’t seen him since Wednesday morning, won’t again until January 4th or 5th. 35. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? country - i wasn't allowed to listen to anything else. i still snuck in my sister's room at night to watch vh1 though lol Country. And Matchbox Twenty. That was the first non-country album I ever owned. 36. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? new. a couple old. Old. I like the friends I have and don’t need new ones. 37. Do you like pulpy orange juice? i don't like orange juice at all. unless it's got vodka in it. Fuck no. I don’t want shit floating around in my juice. I do, however, now enjoy the occasional glass of OJ. Couldn’t drink it every day but it’s alright. Mostly I require that my beverages contain copious amounts of caffeine. 

[sandiegodjstaci]

Inject "Rock Star" Steroids into Your Conference Planning: Lessons from SMMW17

Inject "Rock Star" Steroids into Your Conference Planning: Lessons from SMMW17

All the same complaints people have about weddings (Chicken Dance anyone?), they have about conferences as well. Last week at Social Media Marketing World (SMMW), yea, I learned a shit ton about social media…but I also was blown away by “the experience.” How do these social media geeks manage to inject “rock star” steroids into conference planning?

SMMW is the world’s largest social media conference (3k attendees from over 40+ different countries) and it oozes “rock star” at every step. I was both the SMMW conference DJ and an attendee (my 2nd year), so I can take you behind-the-scenes on both sides.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – Sure are a lot of people here…3,000 to be exact. How many more registration tables can we squeeze in the lobby?

  #1 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Over-Staff Your Registration Area

I have been to conferences with 700 people in which the line to register was a mile long because THE BOSS and 2 helpers were the only people handling registrations. When I got to the front, my badge could not be found so they had me stand there clogging the mile-long line for 5-10 minutes while they printed me one. DON’T. BE. THAT. CONFERENCE.

SMMW had like 20 registration counters. And you know who wasn’t working at any of them? The guy in charge. Get a volunteer staff, train them thoroughly (or else they are useless), and delegate. Imagine how you would feel arriving to a conference you paid dearly for and your first impression is “I should have worn comfortable shoes…sigh.”

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – Social Media Marketing World’s Opening Night Party on the USS Midway

  #2 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Have an “Opening Night” Party

Don’t think you are going to bring a big, diverse group of strangers together and have “the ice broken” just by playing an upbeat video or having an engaging host crack some one-liners. SMMW does NOT sponsor their opening night party or do ANYTHING remotely sales-y there.

SMMW’s opening night party is held aboard the USS Midway, a retired aircraft carrier parked in San Diego harbor…how’s that for rock star? Conference attendees get shuttled in from area hotels by SMMW’s buses and greeted with a red carpet. Yep. Oh, and they are also greeted by a horde of smiling volunteers giving out high-fives and waving welcome signs.

Once on the USS Midway, conference-goers can go on flight simulators, eat a catered dinner, listen to a live band at one end or my jams at the other. This year there was a donut bar in addition to an alcohol bar, which was very popular. There were also charging stations, belly bars, networking bingo cards, portable heaters for the outdoor parts of the ship…and, of course, the opportunity to snap pics with the conference logo backdrop.

The level of detail is amazing. It is obvious that my fun and comfort as an attendee were considered at every step.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – Some seriously SEXY content from Social Media Marketing World

  #3 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Splurge on Content, Not on Fluff

Did I not love the Starbucks coupons floating around in the mornings each day at SMMW? Of course. Did I enjoy the free mini bags of popcorn passed out each afternoon for NO REASON whatsoever? Damn straight. But those niceties were not the draw….the fact that I learned about Twitter from a TEAM (yes, a power business duo) all the way from England, who–within 10 minutes of starting their presentation–had earned my trust enough that I was whipping my phone out to do my first Twitter video reply in a room full of strangers…THAT is the draw of SMMW.

If you are at the budget level where you need to choose “goodies” over “good speakers”…choose good speakers.

Content is everything. I recently attended a conference where the “goodies” were better than the content…not worth it. Goodies will never win people over if the content stinks. Content doesn’t always have to mean paying for expensive presenters–SMMW added a ton of value by having presenters lead structured networking discussions each day at specified lunch tables. Easiest networking I ever did…AND there I am sharing box lunches with a bunch of fellow super-star bloggers!

#4 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Don’t Plan in a Vacuum

Again, the less-than-stellar conference I recently went to was such a great comparison against SMMW…it was like, “This is how we’ve always done it, so we’re going to keep doing it.” Yea, Einstein, that is not the recipe. You better get yourself a PhD in what other conferences are doing (two 12-hour days or three 8-hour days? meals included? tables for note-taking or just chairs? pre-recorded presenter introductions?) Step out of your box and get ideas from other conferences. Get inspired!

#5 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Offer a Virtual Ticket

So people can be cheap about certain things–it’s a fact of life. As a DJ, I offer a DIY package where I put all of my “dance floor secret sauce” into a series of ebooks and playlists for those who can’t afford to have me perform live at their weddings. I ain’t too proud to offer a price point that literally anyone can afford.

Any other conference I’ve ever attended cost around $200-$300. SMMW costs 3x that…and then some. But why does a BMW cost more than a Geo Metro? Guess what, you can sell both on your lot! Another conference I attended offered a VIP upgrade to get a reserved seat in the front row, early backstage access to presenters/special guests, and “no waiting” registration. It was $200 extra. Then tables for note-taking were taken away from anyone who didn’t buy VIP. Boo!

The virtual ticket concept is MUCH better. Be a BMW conference and offer the lower-priced option rather than being a Geo Metro conference offering an upgraded sun roof and leather seats. You know what that white speck on top of chicken doodoo is? Yep, it’s still doodoo! Content over “goodies.”

SMMW’s virtual ticket gives access to each presenter’s slides, an audio of the presentation, and a video of the slides & audio together. It costs around $300…AND it’s included free with the full price ticket. $300 to hear some 50 or so presentations from industry rockstars. No brainer, right?

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – Jasmine Star jumped on stage and was immediately mid-story. All side chat instantly stopped so we could find out why this legendary photographer and Instagram expert was crying over a bowl of pasta 5 years ago.

  #6 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Prepare Your Presenters Like Kindergartners

Conference calls with what to expect, question-answering, deadlines, rules, A/V info, etc…your speakers are the engine that keep the car going. Pamper them! I believe SMMW has presenters find their rooms the day before and do a FULL rehearsal of their presentations with the A/V staff in the room–everything as it will be during the real deal (slides, mic, up on stage…FULL dress rehearsal). At SMMW, there is also a special “green room” type area especially for presenters (not the same as the private staff room) with some snacks and just a quite place to recharge–a nice touch that really does not add much cost to the event.

Some great presenter tips you should be giving to your “engine” include:

Tell the presenters everything you know demographically about who will be in attendance (FT? PT? Corporations? Solopreneurs? Mostly men? Mostly newbies? Mostly local? International?)

Don’t make presenters worry about ANY tech issues. Provide all the equipment, hook it up for them, have the A/V staff offer mic tips for sounding good, let the presenters worry about their content and presentations ONLY.

Don’t be salesy. This is a BIGGIE!!! The “boo” conference I recently attended started off the first session of the conference with a book talk from a book having ZERO to do with the conference’s industry…but it’s author was a well-known member of that industry. The entire presentation was just chapters of his off-topic book 🙁

Tell them to PRACTICE!!

Make sure you have back-up copies of their slideshows. Always have a Plan B if a projector dies or a laptop freezes.

Give general pointers like, “Don’t start with, ‘Man, it’s early…I need more coffee. How is everyone?'” Snooze! Start with a power punch and give the audience the ride of their lives! Avoid religion and politics if you’re not at a religion or politics conference. Avoid generic inspirational advice–get to the specific, actionable items, case studies, screenshots of the tips in action, and so on.

Let them know whether swearing is OK or not.

Final two tidbits: personally listen to your own “quality control” session recordings, and let presenters know your organization is happy to write them a reference letter to speak at other conferences if they like.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – SMMW sponsored the raffle for those who submitted conference feedback for a chance to win free tickets for next year…Genius!

  #7 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Dos & Don’ts of Conference Sponsorship

The “other” conference I have attended has break-out rooms for sponsors to do infomercial-style presentations. Hmmm…in my numerous years attending that conference, how many times have I walked away from the “conference main street” to voluntarily attend a live infomercial off in some new room? Umm, never. Don’t expect attendees to seek out sponsors, put the sponsors’ messages in front of the attendees.

(c) San Diego DJ Staci – I had to sit around in the dark at this DJ conference (how can I see to take notes?) just because a DJ lighting company was one of the sponsors. See their green lights behind the presenter? Turn the lights back on please so I can record this valuable content!

Now this tip is coming from me…this is not how SMMW does it, just to be clear. So it’s a bit of an experiment, but I think it would be a win-win. What if exhibitors got to sponsor the seminars? Nice value add-on for them, right? “Ladies & gentlemen, welcome to ‘Spin the Pin: How DJs Can Kill it on Pinterest’ presented by Canva! Canva offers free Pinterest templates to make gorgeous, optimized pins every time. See them at booth #73. And now let’s give it up for your presenter, DJ Staci Nichols!”(Yes, this is my topic at the upcoming Wedding MBA conference in October…ut ut!)

Now imagine a Canva ad up on the projector screen as this is being said AND maybe a rep from Canva standing up front smiling and waving (the rep can stick around and pass out Canva swag to attendees as they leave the seminar too).

Wow! Now you just gave the exhibitor a live almost TV-style ad in front of a very targeted audience. Didn’t cost you anything to add this value for the exhibitor either. Of course, the sponsor would be printed in the program and all that too.

Depending on the size of the conference and how many exhibitors you have, you might have to make the seminar sponsorship an upgrade for exhibitors -or- you might be able to bring in non-exhibitor sponsors (like the virtual ticket of sponsorship LOL). Either way, provide top value for exhibitors WITHOUT detracting from content!

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – SMMW’s branded, consistent presentation opener images (first slides).

  #8 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Branded Slideshow Openers

Another ninja-level hack from SMMW is to require presenters to use your organization’s own branded slideshow page template as their opening slide. It gives a consistency to the presentations and provides a professional feel for virtual attendees.

Now, if you like tip #7, you can even throw the sponsor’s logo onto the bottom corner of the template or have the presenter include the sponsor’s logo elsewhere.

#9 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Offer Different Types of Presentations

Don’t make all of your conference content one speaker standing up and talking with a Power Point in the back. How about getting a panel of your website writers together for a Q&A so attendees can pick their brains about articles they read throughout the year on your site? How about small workshops limited to 50 people plus the hands-off mega lectures? How about a panel discussion with 3 industry leaders lead by a host? Get creative because not everyone learns the same way.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – Look I made a new friend at SMMW

  #10 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Working the Networking

Free-for-all parties with alcohol and dancing and food are great for getting attendees together, but you also need structured networking activities to help them break the ice and really make friends they will keep in touch with after the conference. SMMW has their networking bingo cards at the Opening Night Party and structured networking at specified lunch tables (i.e. “table talks”), but they also offer a morning networking break where nothing is on the schedule for 45 minutes. The introverts check in with the office and clean out their in-boxes, but everyone else is wandering through exhibits, buying presenter books in the book store, and casually chatting.

SMMW also starts the networking well before the conference and loops in virtual attendees as well as in-person attendees. They start a Linked In group and Facebook Event and asked everyone to introduce themselves there. They have networking on Slack. They have networking on the conference app, Buzzaboo. They had an “official” after-party at the hotel the night after the last Keynote that a ton of presenters attended (it was just casual drinks at the hotel bar, but it was announced a few times before and after Keynotes so everyone knew about it).

#11 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Offer Lots of Effective Badge Stick-Ons

Make sure to have stick-on ribbons or something similar for people’s badges that say “First Timer,” “Alumni,” “Speaker,” etc to help attendees more easily start conversations. At SMMW, in addition to these easy-to-read sticker ribbons that hang from the bottom of the badge, they also had stickers to put ON the actual badges saying things like, “Blogger,” “Influencer,” “Snapchat Expert,” and so on. The more you provide these kind of labels for the attendees, the easier it is for them to get conversations started. While cutesy badge stick-ons that say, “Party Animal,” “Girl Power,” or “I’m Tired” are fun, they are not as effective at helping attendees find like-minded allies as the first type of stick-ons are.

#12 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Provide Meals for Attendees

If your conference is at a location with a lot of eating options (i.e. a casino in Vegas), it can be tempting to let everyone loose for lunch, but when attendees disperse like that they are far less likely to network. The more the attendees make valuable contacts at your conference, the more value it provides them…and the more likely they are to return the next year. By providing a box lunch or food stations in such a way that keeps attendees from dispersing, you are much more likely to see attendees swapping business cards over their turkey wraps and laughing together. When they disperse, they are super likely to end up eating lunch alone or with the same one or two friends they already made.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – #SMMW17 is still super happening the week after the conference!

  #13 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Get your Conference #Trending!

Have a conference hashtag AND encourage attendees to use it. Offer give-aways to those posting with your hashtag. Post almost all of the professional pics from your staff photography crew to the conference hashtag so attendees can see that group shot they posed for last night (that probably won’t make the conference highlight video or the website for next year…but still has value). Ensure your organization has someone monitoring the conference hashtag throughout the conference and liking, commenting, and retweeting as much as possible. When those using the conference hashtag are rewarded with retweets and comments, they will only want to promote your conference for you for free MORE!

Attendees will go on Instagram and Twitter (maybe even Facebook) and check the conference hashtag regularly…and this will also help them network. I make A LOT of conference connections by first developing a relationship on Linked In (pre-conference networking in the Linked In group), Twitter, or Instagram and then recognizing that online acquaintance at lunch or in the hallway. “Hey, it’s you from Instagram. OMG! Nice to finally meet you in person.” Easiest #Networking ever.

And, don’t forget, your virtual attendees will be going crazy with jealousy at all the fun everyone is having without them when they check the conference hashtag. Hello, upgrade for next year!

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci – Hey, she looks familiar!

#14 CONFERENCE PLANNING TIP: Now We Talk About Entertainment

See how this is the bottom item? Having some music by a DJ or band adds a lot of energy…even the right pre-recorded music is better than nothing. At SMMW, they had me DJ 30 minutes before and after each Keynote  as everyone was coming in and out. I was set up on a small stage in a big, open networking area between the doors and the Keynote room. When attendees opened the door to come in off the street, grab a coffee, and find a seat, “Good Day Sunshine” (Beatles) or “Lovely Day” (Bill Withers) was the first thing that became a part of that day’s conference experience for them. On the last day after the final Keynote, their good-bye music was “Takin’ Care of Business” (BTO) and “Don’t Stop Thinkin’ About Tomorrow” (Fleetwood Mac). The music connects with them and taps their “conference loyalty” button.

Up on the Keynote stage, SMMW had different live bands not just playing upbeat music but interacting with the crowd. The energy was through the roof! They also had a Calypso band play during that morning networking break right by the breakfast area. How “feel good” is Calypso??? Ever meet anyone who didn’t like Calypso music???

OUTRO

Was this article on conference planning helpful? OMG, because guess where I learn to create amazing content and then promote it? At Social Media Marketing World! Seriously though, if you need some more of this type of goodness in your inbox, subscribe below.

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[puzzled-barista]

The difference will be puzzling : Intro.

Okay, so I don’t use this tumblr very much, but I do like to write and document certain things because it’s always fun to keep track of things and look back to them to see where you’ve gotten. I’m going to be using this a space to keep track of ideas, progression, and achievements (both reached and planned)  that I have for one of my favorite games Puzzles and Dragons.

So what is Puzzle and dragons? 

it’s a Japanese mobile game that’s been popular both here and japan for the past 5 years. I’ve been playing it for not that long (maybe like 3, collectively), but it has always been a game I return to. It’s a game I enjoy very much, combining collecting, progression, and excellent artwork.

So where am I at on this? 

So far, I’m here: 

My box is... A bit of a mess. It’s good and terrible at the same time, at least that’s how I feel when I look at it. Obviously, the strongest part of the box are my red cards. I have a pretty functional Awoken Krishna team that has cleared a lot of content for me, and I’m sure can continue to do so. Having the cards that I do, I can pretty much take any dungeon on with some minor modifications to the team in order to get through certain areas and floors of a dungeon I might have trouble with. Standard team I use (which was just on there at the time It took this screenshot) looks like this. 

I think this team in itself is pretty strong just for the fact that I have Two Yamato (one being new years). I use to see Optimal Krishna teams run two Yamato anyway, So when I pulled the new years one, I figured it would make a nice substitute, being almost the something while also providing a boost when playing in co-op mode ( which I do not do much of). Shiva is there to add more health and damage to the team, and breaking any kind of high defenses I run into, along with having really good awakenings, but really his slot on this team is meant to be switched to what ever I need at the time. If I take anything out of the team first, it would be him first. Lastly, I have Sanada, because he’s amazing Krishna sub, providing fire and heart to he board just like yamato, and getting rid of the most useless orbs in the game: Blue. - I’ll explain that bit later.

Anyway, as much utility I can crank out of my fire box, a lot of the things I have in there are not developed well enough to take them into higher end game content. I have Tsubaki, and the wrong evolution of Cao Cao now, so I need to work on those to make them a little more applicable to what I need.  Set is useless, but I’ve got a sweet spot for that card for some reason, providing a crazy amount of health, and being one hell of a tank, but after hearing he was getting another evolution, I was pretty happy I kept him. Uriel was obtained at the poor execution of trying to construct Xiang Mei team (oh god, that was a horrible idea.) but with krishna being good, at least I get some good uses. Suzaku is a must have card that should be maxed, and I have no idea how to go about her. I see the value, but nothing too demanding, so I tell myself I’ll get to her, but then I never do.

So blue. I’d show you my blue team, but I don’t have any, because I think blue is a terrible color in any game and I refuse to play it. The only thing that will change my mind and investment into that side of my box is if Karin becomes a crazy good lead specifically With Skuld, Sun Quan, And Isis, and that just sounds god awful already, so lets just stop talking about it and move on to my next best color: Green.

Do you count it as green if it’s more rainbow-style? 

This is the team I am currently using to clear all the content that’s thrown at me. Yes I know, I am missing Kaede, BUT I HAVE RAGDRAGON AND ROZUEL , HOW CAN I NOT PLAY THIS TEAM, IT’S LIKE HELLA FUCKING GOOD AND SO GO DAMN STRONG.

Enough with the yelling, How am I dealing with this? well instead of bringing Kaede (which I swear I had and probably just sold to try and get some MP or what ever) I turn those slots into something that can used for utility. Is it more system-ey that works for a Heart-Cross rainbow team? No, but Ronove’s active is so short that with maybe a little more patience, a little more control ( and a shit ton of luck) you can get by with enough tankines and damage to get you through almost anything. RagDrag offers A full rainbow board change and Rozuel offers more consistency to obtain hearts in a lesser used color like Light. Yes, Ra is a light, but He gives me another second of orb movement, unbind-able, Protection from Blind attacks, and servers a nearly identical purpose to shield smashing. Even if I don’t get the kill with the 77777 Damage, the extra orb extension from his active allows me get those high damage numbers. What’s my further plans with this team? Well, I was going to try and get a second RagDrag to make up for not having Kaede as I’ve seen teams sort of get by on that. Wont be good for maybe challenge one shot runs, or maybe even arena runs because Sophidet is a bitch that shouldn’t exist, but other than those, team will get me through pretty much everything. With the addition of skill inheritance extending to some Decent monsters (most notably Scarlet, Gainaut and Linthia) this will allow a much wider pool of subs, while still having access to really good actives that could provide optimal bored for Ronove. Will he still be Relevant by then? Probably not, but look at this dude, how can you not play him?

As  mentioned, Gainaut, Scarlet are still good subs for Ronove. I want to make a farm-able team with those two monsters having a constant rainbow board accessible to me.

Edit: It was in between me writing this entry and the last godfest that just happened on the 28th of febuary thAT I PULLED A GOD DAMN KAEDE.

As you can tell by the use of gifs, I’m pretty excited about this. This makes my Ronove team nearly relevant with the Inclusion of Visnhua. I didn’t notice until today, but I invested so much into this team that really, it’s probably my strongest team I have currently available to me. Obviously Krishna might be used still for longer and more sustainable clears, but having the way the team is now (Ronove / Ragdrag / Vishnu / Keade / Rozuel Ronove) Can clear me through most things. Granted, I’m still not to great at heart-cross teams, but at one point I also thought that it would be impossible to learn how to play a rainbow team at all without stacking. Here’s being hopeful that I’ll stop sucking the more I play on with this play-style.

So what’s the new direction? continue to hyper max every member of it. Ronove is done, Ragdrag and Vishnu are a skill up or two away, and Kaede is already 297′ed, but still requires her full trail of skill ups to really get some amazing value out of her. Poor Rozuel, having the least amount of attention, but that all goes back to my red box just being under developed in itself. Since she’s the last to be 297′ed I’ll make it more apparent in the coming weeks to give him more to contribute more to the team. Her active is really just there to fix awkward situations which doesn’t seem to happen very often, but is always better to have a solution then stall out of a problem.

Alright enough fan-girling about green, let’s move on to my other colors: Black and White. 

Why together? because I want to post this already and I don’t have much things to say about this part of my box anyway.

Both parts of the box have just been there to fill space for any other teams I’ve had for the past few years. Ra filled in for Kaede, Chocobo fills in for D.Kali, Batman fills in for Echidna, yada yada yada, what ever. Neither Color really has any focus much like the blue part of my box, but I do have intrest and plans for them.

I got really good at stacking, so maybe Ra might come up and become another contender for a light based rainbow lead, but if I ever get to that point, why am I not just playing Myr, or Ra-Dragon? Because I’ll probably be too lazy and just make with what I have. Go figure. Ilm has also been an interesting choice to look at, along with Metatron because of her new ultimate coming (or is that dmeta?). Kirin as well has a lot of uses, along with Saria. Most of my light cards are good, but no lead or any other good subs to really take advanage of any of them. hopefully in the future, that might be able to change.

I personally told myself I would build teams in dark, but never really get around to them. I had the amazing luck of pulling sepheroth and is still considered a good lead in the game, but the lack of subs that were so specific to his team are the things I lack in order to properly use him. I have a Yomi I should definitively start investing in to, but other than that, i really didn’t see any kind of value rising up from this end of my box until I heard of D.Athena.

Now when she first was announced, I didn’t care cause I already knew that my dark end of the box was terrible. Why should I care about a monster I can’t even play? I decided to just move to Ronove and just invest my time into getting Ragdrag not really worrying about this card until recently. I neve really looked at the teams that were used, and I never really wanted to until I posted my box in a group and was told that I should probably start hitting that Dark end of the box to get ready for D.Athena. Haku? check. Persephone? Check. Durga? Check. grida? Check. is it the perfect team? Absolutely not. IS IT a team though? . Well with a broken card like D.athena, it might as well be. So the 390k mp revent is happening soon, so most of those investment is going to go into making this team a little more relevant.

Ideally I want to have a team for every color because well... why not? It’s a game, i don’t need a real life purpose for doing any of this, I simply want to, and without that, why would I even be playing this game? I’ve got some strong teams and leads already, that much I’m aware of, but with no goals I’ll stop playing and there won’t be any reason for me to do this. So what does this mean for this blog? 

In term, I’ll have updates on events or certain things that might be valuable to document through the course of my game to just get a fun idea of where i’m going. Doing this will be fun to look back to where I cam from, and see how far I’ve gotten. Maybe one day I’ll look back at this and laugh at the idea that I tried to “replace” Kaede in some way or form. Let’s face it, It’s sad right now, but it’s going to be a pretty funny joke in the future.

If you read this far, holy shit, that’s crazy cause I didn’t even want to write this much. what was suppose to be a quick intro turned into an essay. Is that bad? well probably, but oh well, it’s done already. Hopefully i’ll be checking back on this to really get more out of what I want out of this game. 

[topicprinter]

Proof >> http://ift.tt/2iifAFg of app & admin panel >> http://ift.tt/2jhCL6O incase you want to double check:Darrell Hoberer, MCSE, MCSA IT Director, Cooke County, Texas 101 South Dixon Gainesville, Texas 76240 Email: darrell.hoberer@co.cooke.tx.us Phone: 940.668.5591Honorable Jason Brinkley Cooke County Courthouse 101 South Dixon, Suite 132 Gainesville, TX 76240 Email: jason.brinkley@co.cooke.tx.us Phone: 940-668-5435Just a bit of backstory on me...Apps were my thing since the iPhone came out. I've probably dropped over $100K+ building apps over the course of 6-7 years. However, I have pretty much never broke even on most of my projects.Why?... Because I was too busy drinking the fucking Kool-aid for a long fucking time.Ever heard people say:You need to re-skin gaming apps to make moneyYou need to build a local,social,photo-sharing,"insert-buzz-word-here" appYou need to make a free app & focus on making it go "viral"You need to worry about "ASO"..who the fuck cares about ASO!..just kidding, you should ;)A while back there was an AMA from Mr Allen Wong /u/regoapps... He got into the game early, cornered a rabid niche, and made millions.Did he bust his ass? yeahDid timing/luck have a lot to do with it? Uhh hell yeahBtw, I'm still waiting to hear your "real" marketing tactics Mr. Wong.. don't give me that "ASO, beautiful app icon, keywords & description" bullshit lol....I read your book haha ;-)If you think you can simply replicate what the Mr. RegoApps, Evan from Snapchat, Jan from Whatsapp or Travis from Uber did, you probably have a better luck catchin' Trump making out with Rosie!A lot of it has to do with timing, luck, & relationships. If you don't have those, then you're out of luck my friend. TBH, It wasn't until I decided that I'd rather be "boring" & rich, then "cool" & broke, that my luck started changing. Now all I do is give a thumbs-up to people who are telling me they're making the next Snapchat, then keep grinding away selling apps to boring industries.These industries are literally "begging" to stay relevant with the "Instagram" generation, and they're spending a ton of money doing so. There's also virtually no competition because everyone's too busy trying to fucking pickup girls by saying they've "created the next Snapchat".Case in point, the iPad "kiosk" app I built & sold to a local county court for $6,750. It only took me like 2-3 weeks to do it. It's not a "billion dollar valuation"...but who cares? It's still a nice chunk of change for virtually little effort.This is probably one of the smallest projects I've worked on. Now most of my other projects range between $25-75K. I normally only focus around selling to mid-market B2B firms or local counties.Craziest thing?I only have 2-3 full-time developers working for me in India that I pay $700/mo total out of pocket.I find high quality, cost efficient vendors for anything else I need done. Like I said, boring/rich beats cool/broke. Gotta love globalization right?I've been lurkin' around for a while, and figured I'd pay it forward. The goal of this writeup is to provide an actionable plan to help you make an app similar to what I made. You can use these steps to replicate for your own county. Most importantly, YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW CODING. Whatever you can't do can be easily outsourced for a few hundred bucks.The main point is to prove that there is a massive opportunity to make money in boring, unsexy industries. People are just too caught up in their own ego to actually exploit it.Disclaimer: Results vary case by case, so don't be a whiner if this doesn't work for you.Now without further adieu:My Actionable Plan To Build A Courthouse Kiosk App & Profit:Please note, some steps may not apply to you. Feel free to skip steps as needed. I'm writing this for n00bpreneurs. Who are n00bpreneurs? They are 1 level below wantrepreneurs....wantrepreneurs would probably already have a company formed, business cards, an email, a snazzy site, etc...but don't actually "make" any money...they probably take on "investments" from family, or try to raise "funding", without actually validating their idea. You do know investors don't give a fuck about your idea. Validate your idea by actually making $$ or getting users, and they'll be all over you like white on rice. You won't even have to pitch them.For wantrepreneurs, it's all about the "image" of running a business...without actually understanding the point of running a business (to making fucking money).N00bpreneurs are even worst. They simply spend time "reading" on how to become rich, but sit on their ass and do shit. It's all good...I've been there, done that... For many fucking years.Anyway, if you're a wantrepreneur and higher, then you can skip some of these steps. However if you're a n00bpreneur, then keep reading:N00Bstructions:1) Come up with a catchy company name, and make sure it's available to use in your state. However, don't do anything with it just yet.2) Once you settle on a name, find a $.99c Godaddy promo code, buy a domain, and setup a company email (use Zoho Mail, they're free). Then setup a snazzy signature.Sounds pretty wantrepreneurish..but the main reason we're doing this is because you'd look like an idiot if you were trying to pitch something to a high ranking decision maker using your personal email address. You want to seem like you're a baller. Anyway the point is, don't look like an idiot. Promise? cool, keep reading3) Go to Google, and type in "your county name + state name". For example, "Archer County Texas". You should get the official county site: http://ift.tt/2iiiIkz) For courthouses, the decision maker is normally the County Judge. So if you went to Archer County's site & went to County Offices > County Judge > and you'll see the Judge's phone & email right on the website. Sweet right? K..moving on...5) Steal my email pitch template -> http://ift.tt/2iOA1xa, and use it to contact your local county's judge using your newly formed business email. Don't forget to attach the Kiosk image as well. A photo speaks a 1,000 words. Or... feel free to call the judge directly.You can say Scorch "subcontracted" the project to your agency. Customize the pitch as needed, and feel free to use my references.Mind you, so far you've only spent enough to buy some chicken nuggets off a dollar menu. You've simply created a "fake" company name/email, and started cold-pitching the app idea.6) If you get a response from the Judge or decision maker, convince them as to WHY this would be "such an amazing app" for their Courthouse.This is the most important step as you're actually trying to close a deal first before spending money.Here are the some of the benefits of the app you can mention:The ability to view county services and department locations.The ability to view an employee directory.The ability to view department hours.The ability to view courthouse building maps.A Courthouse admin panel to update the app on the fly without touching code.If they're interested, you may have to send them a proposal with payment milestones, etc. Feel free to get creative with this step. Remember, don't quote some bullshit amount like a thousand bucks. You're going to look like a kid working out of a garage or something...Shhh, they don't have to know that you prolly are LOL ;-) ..Don't forget you're dealing with the government!Heck feel free to quote higher then what I did. I charged $1K upfront, $5K on completion, and $750 for 3 months of hosting. In hindsight I think I could've probably charged more. You look like a real company when you charge real $$. Don't settle for less.Anyway, the BEST way to close a deal is to pitch this app idea to your own county courthouse. You can say that you're a resident of your county running a small business, and you're trying to grow it. They love helping out small local businesses, as you're creating new jobs and bringing value to the county.7) If they give you the green light, grab a beer real quick..pat yourself on the back for closing a deal, then quickly get back to work!You can now "officially" form your new company. Do this by visiting your State's site (they're pretty fast).For example, if you live in Texas, you can go here: http://ift.tt/2j8VMEo and do it yourself and save like $300 bucks, or if money ain't a thang, just hire a company like Legalzoom.com. (no affiliation).8) Get an EIN (employer ID number) from the IRS website http://ift.tt/1ovdItx. This is the "social security number" of your business. You'll need this for creating your bank account.9) Setup a business bank account. This is for you to start collecting your dough. You'd need to take in your Articles of Incorporation (that you got from your state or Legalzoom) and SS4 Form (that you got when you made the EIN) to the bank. Get the most basic account setup and deposit like $20 bucks. Tell the banker that you've left some checks at home, and you're going to be making a big deposit soon (so they don't just write you off like a loser haha).10) Send over a sample contract, and an invoice for the first installment. I prefer to use a company like Pandadoc or Echosign (no affiliation). It just looks more official. However, if they have their own process, then follow that. Once they sign the contract, you can ask them for all their content, branding docs, logos, etc.Don't worry, I suggest you collect all their stuff and kickstart the project while you're waiting for your first installment check. If a county has signed a contract with you, it's almost a done deal that you'll get your money. However that's entirely your call.11) You can then take the app & admin panel screenshots I provided earlier, and hire someone from Upwork, Elance, Craigslist, Fiverr, or wherever to get this app built for you. Or you can PM me if you want my code (TROLLS: Yes, I'm going to charge for it, because I spend time/money actually building it..durrhh... But I can GUARANTEE that you won't be able to find someone from any of these freelancing sites to do it cheaper for you. I estimate that the design and development of the app & admin panel may cost you about $2k. I won't charge anywhere close to that. PM me if you want it...12) If you downloaded my code, I've provided detailed instructions on how to deploy it to the county. Once you've tested & deployed it, ask them to test it too. Remember, a ton of Courthouse goers are going to be using your app.Anyway, If all looks good, send the final invoice and wait for your check to arrive.13) Remember our promise earlier about not being an idiot? Don't blow your fucking money buying bottle service on Friday night. Re-invest profits, & keep hustling.Anyway, that's a step-by-step plan on how you can actually MAKE money while staying CASH-FLOW POSITIVE making apps.Is it going to be as easy as some of those stupid Facebook ads you see promising to make $100K within a month? No.Is it a sexy app like Snapchat? No.Are you going to become a billionaire doing this? No.However, it'll help you make a few thousand for a little bit of time & effort. The point is that you can actually make money selling apps to unsexy niches. Plus it's low competition since everyone is trying to make the next "awesome" photo-sharing app that sends disappearing nudes.If you truly want to make money, put in some damn work and quit fucking around!Anyway, now that I've given you an ACTIONABLE PLAN, will you actually run with it? Or are you going to waste away another year dreaming, and not actually "doing" anything as usual?GET TO WORK!