#and yeah this means she follows me to the bathroom too lol

[swiftlovinggay]

On days that my depression is really bad, Missy follows me into every room. Like she won’t let me be alone for a second🥺

[bluesidez]

GymRat!Miguel Part 9.2 | full chapter without breaks on AO3

content warning: more fluff, more laughs, a little bit of insecurity from Miguel and reader, underage drinking (all of the characters are aged 18-20 so by USA standards, that's underaged. but college kids will be college kids. and so will high school graduates.), a mention of an edible like once, Hobie is here! (fr this time), Pavitr too, even more jealous Miguel, 18+ so MNDI, wet wet relations, fellatio, cunnilingus, Miguel is a munch (his fantasies are unraveling finally), cum play if you squint, partially public indecency???, I think that's it

word count: 9.3k, halfway proofread (I split it really weirdly so I apologize for that lol)

Some of the links used in this part are just to give you an idea of what's going on! Enjoy! 🩵

Prev (Part 9.1) | Next ✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Masterlist

GymRat!Miguel who texts Tyler while you’re in the shower. 

Dad…Tyler:

“She really loved it. Thank you so much for helping me out with this, Dad.”

“Any time, son! I’m glad everything went well! I can have my people send over the video form of the animation if you would like.”

“Sure, I can have it on hand.”

“And I take it, you like the yacht?”

“It’s extremely nice! Captain Barrett is pretty cool.”

“Don’t tell him you said that or it’ll go to that funny mustache.”

“Ok 😭”

“I did have a question though.”

“Ask away.”

“What did Kron do to his other boat?”

“What didn’t he do to that boat? He had too many friends on that thing all with a mix of substances I could never dream of combining. Their parents had to come drag them out lest the police get involved. I’ve never helped Kron with any event or party since then. He hasn’t earned it and he embarrassed me greatly.”

“Would you be more comfortable if we held off on the drinks?”

“See son, the difference between you and Kron is that you understand the legal ramifications of doing something so idiotic as having illegal items on a property that isn’t yours as a minor. You also have integrity and respect, something that Kron has lost sight of. I trust that neither you nor your friends will do anything too drastic.”

“Yeah, there’s no crazy stuff happening this weekend.”

“I believe it.”

“Get back to your girlfriend now. Thank you for checking up on your old man. Tell her I said hello.”

“For sure. Good night.”

“Good night!”

GymRat!Miguel who opens his arms up to you as you come out of the bathroom. You hurried to lay in his arms, skin warm from your shower. 

You snuggle up under his chin, “Today was really fun.”

“Yeah?” he rubs your head slowly. 

“Mm hm. Now, we should sleep.”

A yawn racks through Miguel’s body, the day of driving settling in his bones. 

You keep your ear on his chest. The steady tempo of his heart and his breaths lulling you to sleep. 

GymRat!Miguel who is still asleep by the time you wake up. You both ended up at opposite ends of the giant bed with just your legs intertwining. 

You look over to Miguel and watch his chest rise and fall, his snores crescendoing at each breath. 

You lay your head back on the pillow, eyes tracing the shape of his face in this morning light. The water was calm, giving the boat a slight rock. Some seagulls flew by, their sounds fading in and out. 

You scoot closer to get a better look, your hand lightly following the line of his face. 

His eyes flutter open at your touch, a brown sea welcoming you. 

“G’morning,” his voice is terribly deep like this. The timbre shoots straight to your core. 

“Morning. I didn’t mean to wake you up,” you whisper. 

Miguel moves to lay his head on your chest, taking a deep breath. “It’s fine. The sight made me feel like I went to heaven.”

He pulled you closer by the waist, “Ten more minutes?”

“Rest up all you need, bear-bear.”

GymRat!Miguel who is just as excited as Gabriel when he gets to the deck that morning. The agenda was swimming with the dolphins before everyone else got here.

Miguel and Gabriel were practically buzzing in their matching wetsuits. Dana snuck in a video laughing at the twin looks on their faces. 

GymRat!Miguel who sneaks glances at your form on the way to the dolphin center. You’re leaning over the edge of the smaller boat, the wind against your face. The wetsuit was doing wonders for the curve of your figure. 

GymRat!Miguel who ends up going into a nerd session about dolphins with Gabriel. Both of them are spitting out dolphin facts at the speed of light. 

 “I just think that if you were to be any dolphin, it’s so obvious that you would be an orca.” 

“But why, though? Because I’m big? That’s a new low, even for you, Gabri.”

“No, it’s because you’re mixed, obviously. Killer whale aka orca aka dolphin. Duh, Miguelito.”

“Don’t ‘duh’ me because that doesn’t even make sense. Orcas are still classified as dolphins even though they look like whales.”

“Just like you-”

“I’m going to smack you off the side of this boat if you finish that sentence.”

“Resulting to violence just like a killer whale, what a shame.”

“You’re so annoying. Orcas are smart, they speak different languages based on their pod, and the name was actually ‘whale killers,’ not ‘killer whales.’ That would make me an orca, but I would not be one because I would never take care of my family but abandon my children.”

“A lot of male dolphins abandon their families. A lot of them hang out with the bros and come back.”

“Female dolphins can do the hard work of carrying babies from ten to eighteen months, so enlighten me, Gabri. What are the male dolphins doing with the bros?”

Gabriel squinted his eyes and put his finger up weakly, “This is a trick question.”

“No it’s not! Don’t you know the answer?” Miguel put his hands out, as if waiting for a physical object to be presented. 

“I do know the answer, which is why I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.”

“Well, now I want to know because you two nerds wouldn’t shut up about bottlenose dolphins just five minutes ago,” Dana scoffs as she takes off her shades, the morning sun too much for her. 

“That’s not the same energy you had last night when I-”

“No one wants to hear that.”

“Shut up, Miguel,” Gabriel snaps back. “They take care of other dolphin babies. And sometimes become friends with benefits with their homies.”

Dana makes a disgusted face, “And you’re defending that? Wow. So when I have your kid you’re going to leave me and go do fuck all with Pavitr?”

“No, Dana, I would never do that! We discussed this! Miguel is going to study seahorses, make me a safe mutation, and I’ll carry them for you!”

“I don’t even study genetics so I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“So you wouldn’t carry her babies?” Gabriel gestures towards you in a panic. 

Miguel looks towards you at the front of the boat, watching the water go by. 

He thought of you as a mom, carrying his kid, holding their hand in the park, picking decor for the nursery. 

He thought of you under him, taking everything he could give you and more. You screaming his name as the bed creaks loud enough to fill the hallway. 

“I would, but that’s not the question right now.”

“Why did it take you so long to answer that?” Gabriel’s tone was high. 

“Oh my god, he was thinking of getting her pregnant,” Dana says in horror. 

“Oh, so I have to listen to your escapades, but I can’t even daydream in silence?”

GymRat!Miguel who listens intently to the staff. No harm shall come to any dolphin on his behalf.  

GymRat!Miguel who makes friends with one of the cute dolphins. Her name is Dotty because of the few spots she has on her body. 

She immediately gravitates towards Miguel. Her blowhole squeals constantly whenever Miguel talks to her. 

“Well I think Dotty is in love!” the instructor yells from across the enclosed water. 

GymRat!Miguel who laughs at Dana who keeps getting splashed on by the baby dolphins. 

GymRat!Miguel who looks so cute with his nose touching Dotty’s rostrum. They’re spinning in circles with Dotty clicking away like a cat purring. 

GymRat!Miguel who watches you interact with one of the bigger dolphins whose name is Mon. 

“Mon and Dotty are a couple, but he’s a little sad today because Dotty isn't giving him any attention,” the instructor says with a giant pout on her face. 

Even Mon’s clicks sounded sad and Miguel didn’t know how that was possible. 

Mon places his chin on your shoulder and you’re immediately in love, rubbing his body and consoling him and his broken heart. 

“It’s ok, Mon. You can hang out with me,” you say in a sweet voice. Mon’s fins squeezed you even tighter. 

A sweater, some random guys, Dana, Blake, and now a dolphin. Miguel can’t win. 

GymRat!Miguel who watches Mon click and spin happily when you feed him fish for doing a trick. 

“That was so good, Monie!” you pat his head, and he leans into your hands. 

GymRat!Miguel who thinks Dotty and Mon are a bit like you and him. They’re twirling in the water together, rubbing their bodies close. 

GymRat!Miguel who sits with you on the boat ride back, watching the dolphins race with the boat halfway to the yacht.

GymRat!Miguel whose eyebrows raise when he sees one of your friends as you guys step off the boat. 

“Hobie!” you squeal, running to hug the lanky figure. 

“My girl! How have you been, love?” he asks, a deep London accent lining his words. 

Love?

“I’m so happy you made it! How’s the apprenticeship? Any new techniques to share?”

“A lot more than techniques, if you know what I mean?” Hobie leaned on you as he snickered away. 

Miguel might pop a fuse. 

GymRat!Miguel who lingers by as you chat away with Hobie. The two of you are catching up for a while and Miguel wants to walk back to the room with you so you can help him take off this tight wetsuit. 

He’s lightly kicking at a puddle with his arms crossed when you call his name. 

“This is my boyfriend, Miguel,” you say, coming up to him and wrapping an arm around his.

“He’s a big one, innit?” Hobie says, holding his hand out. “Hobie Brown.”

Miguel shook it with a sturdy hand, “Miguel O’Hara. Nice to meet you.”

“How long have you known this firecracker for?” Hobie gestured to you with a smile.

“It’ll be a year once August hits. The best ten months of my life, honestly,” Miguel says, leaning down to kiss your temple. 

“She’s got you wrapped ‘round her finger, yeah?” Hobie smirked at the love drunk look on Miguel’s face. “Yeah, you’re a goner. That’s just how she is. One encounter and it’s hard to let go.”

Hobie went to pick up his one backpack, a master at light travel from how much he’s moving. 

“Don’t let me stop yous two from partying. See ya in an hour, love,” Hobie said walking away. 

You look up at Miguel, “The best ten months?”

“Yep. Love?”

“It’s a British thing. He’s friendly!”

“Hm.”

“And definitely demisexual.”

“Hmph.”

“You’re very territorial.”

“For good reason.”

GymRat!Miguel who makes it to the boardwalk after he’s changed to greet their friends and guide them to the yacht. 

There’s a lot of you, especially from Gabriel and Dana’s graduating class. Miguel greets everyone warmly. 

It feels good to unite his old friends and newer friends together.

GymRat!Miguel who makes a plan to be the best at every activity on the agenda today. Yeah, he wanted to have fun, but for some reason, he felt like he had something to prove.

He walks back out to the top deck to see Hobie laying out on the flat slats under the shade. His arms are crossed and his shades are hiding his full expression. 

From here, Miguel can hear Blake chatting it up with some of the girls that are hanging out near the on-deck pool. He looks over the edge and sees him grinning from ear to ear as the girls giggle. He clicks his teeth at the scene. 

“Big Migs, c’mere for a sec, will ya?” Hobie said.

“He’s a bit chatty, that one. An overachiever if I’ve ever seen it.”

On second thought, Miguel might like Hobie a lot.

“All morning, he’s been spitting nothing but rubbish. Going on and on about the boat and the city and his socials. Nothing of substance, just straight air.”

Miguel snickered, “It feels like that’s all he’s got going for himself. His daddy’s boat, his daddy’s money, and his face.”

Miguel recounts the events from last afternoon. How he lacked respect for not only him but for you and your personal space. 

“Not gonna lie, I’d smash his head in,” Hobie replied calmly.

Miguel let out a hearty laugh, “I wanted to and honestly, I could, but there are several circumstances stopping me. Such as the fact that we’re on his dad’s property.”

“But deep it, when’s the next time you’ll need to be on this thing?”

Miguel is about to respond in agreement when you round the corner from the stairs. 

“There you two are!”

You smile at the two of them, “Are you guys getting along? Has Hobie convinced you to join him on some scheme across the country?”

Miguel took a deep breath before responding. He knew what outfits you brought with you, a lot of them matched his own, but it was still like new whenever you put them on. 

He didn’t have enough time in the world to cherish your beauty. 

“They’re not schemes, baby, they’re elaborate plans,” Miguel responds.

“Man like, Migs!” Hobie hops up and drags his arm around Miguel’s shoulders. 

You shake your head with a warm smile on your face, laughing at Hobie’s antics.

“And you look stunning. Though, I’m not too sure if it’s fit for hoverboarding.”

“That’s because I’m jet skiing and shaking ass, Hobie. You guys can have fun flipping in the air.”

“Right on, then. Migs and I have important business to attend to.”

Miguel nods, “Extremely important.”

You eyed them both, “Uh huh.” They left in a controlled frenzy, Hobie pulling his wicks up with a giant band and Miguel cracking his neck.

You didn’t even want to know. 

GymRat!Miguel who is a bit peeved that Blake has to give the water hoverboard demonstration. He’s staying up there longer than necessary, grabbing girls to balance them in the middle of his board while he flips them around.

You’re standing next to Miguel during it all, waiting for Miguel’s turn so you can get a video.

“Hey!” Blake yells out in your direction. “Wanna take it for a spin?”

You shake your head and yell back, “No, I’m good!”

“Just three minutes! Don’t be scared! I won’t drop you.”

“No thanks,” you bite back, voice irritated. 

Blake smiles with a hand on his hip, ready to convince you, when Hobie pipes up, “The lady said no. Can we move on?”

Blake’s face cracked a bit as he told one of the crew members to kill the power in the waterboard. 

“What is up with him?” you mumble to yourself. 

“I think he likes you,” Pavitr remarked. “He wouldn’t stop asking Gabriel questions about you.”

“He’s really pushing it,” Miguel scoffed. Not only was he being overly flirty to every girl on board, he was adamant about getting your attention. “No wonder he gets along with Kron.”

You sported a twisted lip as you watched him strap up one of Gabriel’s friends. “I don’t know. Even if I was single, he’s a bit too…tiny. Communal.”

The laugh that left Miguel wiped the scowl right off of his face.

GymRat!Miguel who gets the hang of the hoverboard after one try. You’re recording him with a big smile on your face as he tries to spell “love” in the air. 

GymRat!Miguel who dies laughing at Gabriel’s horrible attempts at staying in the air. His body keeps shaking like a baby deer and he’s steady yelling in garbled Spanish. 

By the time his turn is over, Miguel is laid out on the boardwalk with tears down his face.

“This isn’t fucking funny, Miguel,” Gabriel cries out.

Miguel just rolls and laughs some more. 

GymRat!Miguel who watches you expertly drive a jet ski from the edge of the yacht. You’re shouting with one arm in the air as you race Dana and some of her friends. 

Miguel leans his head on his hand as he watches you zoom across the ocean. Your skin is glowing, your smile is sparkling, and your laugh is bright. 

GymRat!Miguel whose bubble of thoughts involving you, him, the water, some fruit, and a floatie is popped when Blake’s voice pierces through. 

“She’s pretty good at that.”

“Yep.” Maybe if Miguel ignored him enough, he’d go away.

“Looks like a dream, too.”

“Are you dumb or something?” Miguel turns his body, gripping the rail to not get in Blake’s face, but extending his height to cower over him.

“Woah,” Blake holds his hands up. “It was a compliment, dude, chill out. You’re not mad at me for finding her beautiful, are you?”

“That’s not what the fuck you’re doing and you know it.”

Blake makes a confused face, laughing off Miguel’s statement, “Kron said you guys were open.”

“Does it look like we’re fucking open?”

“Well, at first-”

“Keep talking and you’ll end up just like him. Knocked out. Do you want that?” Miguel edged closer to him. “Huh?”

Blake bristles, ready to defend himself when his head is knocked to the side. 

He looks next to him to see a gaggle of girls all with waterballoons and nerf guns. They yell at him to come on and pick a side. 

Blake scrambles to join them.

Miguel is about to follow when Hobie sweeps in front of him, “Cool it.”

GymRat!Miguel who almost takes an edible from Hobie but decides against it. 

“The offer is open all weekend.”

“Noted.”

GymRat!Miguel who gets roped into playing some games to start off the night, one of which is Never Have I Ever with shots. 

It started off innocently with things like peeing in a pool and cheating on a test to which everyone looked in shock at Miguel when he put a finger down. 

“I’m smart but if there’s a group effort to get the right answers, I’m not going to say no.”

Then it went left field and personal with things like threesomes, drunkenly fighting with others, and streaking. 

“Never have I ever…received head from a partner!”

A few of the guys put a finger down, groaning out and snickering as they had to take another shot. 

Miguel was trying not to dwell on how many experiences he lacked compared to the group, a lot of them younger than him. 

He rubbed his tongue across his teeth. He didn’t want to show his irritation on his face. 

Looking across the circle, he could see Gabriel’s eyes get wide, staring off beside you. 

Miguel followed his line of sight landing on you with a finger down and a shot in your hand. 

What the fuck. 

Who the fuck beat him to it? Where the fuck did it happen? When the fuck did it happen? How the fuck did he not know?

He’s ready for the game to be over. 

“Miguel is putting in work!” one guy pushes his elbow against Miguel’s side, laughing and patting his shoulders. 

Well, if people think he did it, it’s not so bad. 

“Oh my god, girl, how was it?” Dana’s friend asked you. 

Miguel tried his best not to scream bloody murder. 

“It was,” you pause, looking up to ponder. “It was something! Not particularly fun or good. My ex wasn’t the best at listening so he just poked at me. I faked everything that night.”

Miguel smirked. There were no big shoes to fill because they were never taken out of the box. Or even out of the store. 

“That sucks. I bet he thought you were in heaven.”

You laugh with the girls, joking in a way similar to the women that flooded Miguel’s for-you page. 

Miguel stepped away to get a breather. If he stayed any longer, he might do something drastic. 

GymRat!Miguel who is leaning on the boat when Gabriel comes to check up on him. 

“You ok, Miguelito?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. A little overwhelmed so I need to reset,” Miguel wrung his wrists while he let the sea breeze cool him down. 

“Is it the game? Don’t feel so bad,” Gabriel leans closer to Miguel and speaks in a stage whisper. “Some of them are a little too fast for their own good.”

Miguel snickered. Gabriel was definitely tipsy. 

“Thanks, Gabri.”

“Anytime. Don’t let them bring you down. You’re my perfect Miguelito. My pure baby!” Gabriel kissed him on the cheek.

“Ugh,” Miguel laughed and wiped at his wet cheek.

“Don’t wipe away at my love, broski.”

GymRat!Miguel who is guided by you in a dance. You’re a little tipsy and giggly, holding onto him as you dance to the music. 

Miguel just holds onto your hips and smiles with you. 

GymRat!Miguel who is locked in on your body as you grind against him. You’re arching your back and looking at him with a sparkle in your eye and Miguel feels like a wild animal.

When you lean back against him, he whispers in your ear about a private party just for the two of you. You bite your lip and turn to look at him. His eyes are tracing your lips and his hands are groping you. 

GymRat!Miguel who laughs at you as you wish everyone a good night quickly.

“I’ll see you guys in the morning!” you shout to your friends as you pull Miguel behind you to the room.

GymRat!Miguel who waits for you on the bed while you use the bathroom. 

He’s excited for an intimate night with just you. Parties were fun but it really couldn’t beat the serenity of smaller groups. It especially couldn’t beat talking all night with you. 

Everyone else was chilling out in other parts of the yacht, back in their hotel rooms, or night paddle boarding. 

You’re in the bathroom staring at the thin fabric in your hand. 

Miguel told you that there was a pool involved. 

You bought a micro bikini during a surge of confidence. It looked so cute on the model and you wanted to feel the same way. 

Now you’re standing in the bathroom freaking out, worried to death over the flimsy material. You were excited about Miguel seeing it, but you couldn’t shake your own nerves about how everything would play out. 

A knock at the door makes you jump.

You crack the door and peer up at Miguel. 

“You ok in there?” he asked, eyebrows pinched. 

“Yeah, I’m ok! I’ll be out in just a sec!”

You bite the bullet and place the bikini on. 

You didn’t account for your areolas to poke out beyond the triangles. You bit your lip as you turned to check out your backside.

At least your ass looked great. 

In a nervous motion, you pull your coverup over you and pull your hair up so that it doesn’t get too ruined by the water. It was now or never. 

GymRat!Miguel who holds your hand as he guides you to the private area. You’re squeezing his hand so tight. 

One of the stewardesses smiles as she sees you two coming. She stands next to a rope cutting off the area. 

“Good evening to you both! I hope you’ve been enjoying your stay so far,” her voice is polite and even. “Tonight, it’ll be just you two enjoying the Galaxy. If you need anything, just press the call button on the wall and I’ll be right down.”

She unlatches the rope and holds her arm out in the direction of the stairs.

You both slowly descend, careful not to slip on the trippy-looking wood. 

Taking a step into the room, Miguel stares in awe at the glowing pool. 

There’s petals fluttering about, small fairy lights surround the corners to add extra light. Looking up, you both can see the night sky with the stars adorning it. 

“This is beautiful,” you say, the lights surrounding you glittering in your eyes. 

You were staring at the stars and the lights but Miguel couldn’t help but to think that you were the most beautiful part of the room. 

He said this much to you, watching as you bent your head down hiding the smile on your face. Miguel lifted it back up and kissed you under the light of the stars. 

“Ready?” 

“Yeah, let me just go take this off.” 

You walk towards a chair with folded towels placed on it. 

“Miguel, these have our names on them!” you say with shock, running your fingers over the embroidered letters. Hearts surrounded the names and you felt fuzzy from the implication of the stewardess preparing this. 

“Yeah, I heard it was a part of the couple’s bundle,” he shouts from the pool. It wasn’t really a part of the bundle, but Miguel suggested it way before the trip. 

His back was turned to you, trying to set up a speaker by the pool. 

The moment was perfect, so you opened a champagne bottle and poured two glasses. You took a huge gulp of one and removed your slip. 

GymRat!Miguel who hears you entering the water, so he hurries to pick out a song. 

The mood needs to be right. 

He turns to you and nearly drowns at the sight. (Art is not affiliated with this fic, but I couldn't find any plus-size women in real life on Pinterest with this type of bikini! Please give this artist some love, I love their art!)

You’re coming down the stairs with two glasses in your hand and your skin on full display. The strings are digging tight into your skin and your breasts are practically spilling out from every side. 

Miguel is stunned.

“Come grab your drink, Miguel,” your voice is like butter in his ears. 

His eyes don’t leave you as he swims across the pool. The only sounds that could be heard are the water moving around him and the music playing. When he gets closer, he stands up, water dripping down his body. He’s breathing hard and is laser-focused on your frame. 

You feel an array of emotions. You feel like running, jumping, maybe hiding. His gaze is too heavy and he hasn’t spoken a word yet. 

You don’t know how long you two stare at each other before Miguel breaks the tension, “You’re going to be the death of me.”

He takes the glasses from your hand with one hand and picks you up in the other. You cling to him as he goes to the edge of the pool, places one glass down and chugs the other. 

In a flash, you’re sitting on the edge and he’s holding his body out of the water in order to kiss you. 

He pushes your mouth open, pulling at your lip with his teeth. He was desperate, wanting more. 

Your hands find your way to his hair, the tips wet from his swim. You card your fingers through his locks, opening your mouth wider as Miguel groans onto your tongue. 

He can’t stop, body moving forward the deeper the kisses get. Your legs open wider and your hands fall down Miguel’s back. You go lower than usual, pushing your hands under his swimsuit, fingertips grazing over the skin of his ass. 

Miguel parts, spit-ridden mouth red and messy. 

“You’re making this so hard for me,” he says against your lips. You’re both panting into each other’s mouths. 

Your body feels like jelly. The way that he’s looking at you fills you with desire, “Making what hard?” You’re quivering and clenching as his eyes seem to get darker. 

“Baby,” Miguel kisses the corner of your lips then your jaw. He moves to where your jaw and neck connect, licking  “Amor. I can’t.”

You move your head, encouraging him to continue, “You can if you want to.”

“No, I’m supposed to take this slow,” his mouth moved to your collarbone, sucking at the skin as you squeezed your thighs around him. “I need to take this slow.”

He gets to your breasts, pressing your nipples through the material and watching as your areolas poked out more. “Mierda.”

You try to talk as Miguel takes one breast into his mouth, “It’s ok to want more. I want, ugh, I want you to take more.” He pulls at your nipple, watching as it rises more through the fabric. His thumb traces it, causing you to twitch in his hold. 

He continues to rub over the fabric as he kisses down your stomach. The string is wrapping around your stomach like a gift just for him. 

“Tomorrow, baby,” he says into your skin. “I’ll take more tomorrow.”

He needed to stop before he broke the promise he made to himself. 

He hears you whine as he gets eerily close to your sex before jerking his body straight. 

“Why?” you sound so needy and broken. 

“Because,” he kisses your pout away. “Tomorrow, I’m going to take all I need. You just need to trust me. Please.”

You nod your head, heart pounding with his words. 

GymRat!Miguel who lets you persuade him into swapping places. All it took was a few blinks of your eyes and Miguel was swooning.

“I saw you walk away during the game today. I wanted to make sure that the next time you play, you’re able to put a finger down.”

That’s what you told him with a sweet smile on your face.

Now you’re rubbing up his thighs and Miguel is about to pass out from the view of you peering up at him. Your eyes were foggy and the slope of your neck to your chest was glistening. From this angle, Miguel could see the curve of your ass with the bikini barely covering it.

You run your hands down his chest, fingers dancing along the slopes and planes, leaving a wet trail in your wake. Miguel’s stomach tightens as you make it below his belly button, the sensation of your fingertips across his happy trail building a fury in his core.

You kiss him through his swimsuit causing him to jump.

You hold his thighs and tilt your head to lean on one, “Are you nervous, Miggy?” Your knuckles rake against his groin, lingering in spots that made his inner thighs clench the most.

“I,” Miguel is trembling like a leaf. He can barely get the words out from how much energy he's using to hold himself up. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” You lift your body from the water a little, pressing your tits closer to his clothed sex. “Baby, I need you to know. I can’t go further without your permission.”

Miguel feels like he could cum right now.

“I’m really nervous, but I want to experience this.”

You hum as you start to pull at his waistband. His eyes scrunch closed as his dick springs up. 

You’re met with a sight you had missed. The size is still as intimidating as the last time. 

You rub his thighs and give yourself a quiet pep talk. You were determined to make your boyfriend feel good. 

Miguel looks back down at you and swallows dryly, anxious at the look in your eyes and your silence, “If it’s too much, w-we can stop here-”

“No.”

The first lick of his tip has Miguel rising off of the pool edge, pre-cum escaping him.

He whines, embarrassed at his lack of control, but his dick is twitching from the sensation.

“Miguel,” your hands are back on his hips at a flimsy attempt to hold him down. “You need to be careful, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby right now.” Miguel’s voice is winded like he’s been running a marathon.

You look up at him. His mouth is twisted up and his eyebrows are furrowed. His stomach keeps shaking and his elbows don’t know if they want to bend or extend. When he looks down at you, he lets out a whimper, dick jerking against his will.

You hold your lips right above the head, the heat of it making you excited, “Baby.”

Miguel jerks again as you take his tip into your mouth, more of his pre-cum slipping out. His body is wound tight and he’s losing sense of it. Your mouth is so warm and he’s crying out from just you suckling along the head. He would be grateful with just this alone.

You push yourself lower, mouth adjusting to the widening girth. You don’t know if it’s the champagne combined with the other drinks you’ve had today, but the taste is making your mind fuzzy. 

You hum as you move your tongue along the underside of his length, his essence melting into your mouth. Miguel continues to twitch against your lips. 

You look up and he just groans when his eyes connect with yours. 

“P-pretty,” he stutters out, brain-to-mouth filter completely disintegrating. One of his arms covers his mouth as he fights to quiet down. There’s no telling what the stewardess could hear from above. 

You decided to go deeper, wanting to hear him some more. You make it halfway down before you grip his shaft and give it a few semi-dry pumps. 

Miguel just about shouts at the sensation, legs jerking enough to splash the water around you. 

Satisfied with the reaction, you release him with a pop and slide your tongue down to the base, trying to get him as wet as possible for what you’re about to attempt to do. You pucker your lips to leave wet kisses all over his shaft, sucking occasionally. 

All Miguel can do is whimper and shake. 

You hold him, sliding your hand up and down, applying pressure whenever you glide over the top, “You can hold on to me.”

Miguel shakes his head and releases his bottom lip from his teeth to speak, but his words are jumbled up in a heated mess. 

“Say it again, Miguel. I don’t understand,” you bring your mouth to the head again, this time, cupping his balls as you slide back down. 

Early spurts of cum land in your mouth as Miguel uselessly grips at the flat ground. He’s moaning out your name and if you weren’t sliding him down your throat, you would think he’s crying for you. 

“I-I don’t wanna hurt you,” Miguel takes heavy breaths in the middle of his sentence. 

Even like this he was oh so sweet. You don’t push it and continue on. 

As you reach the hilt, you force yourself to relax, thumb pressed against your fisted palm. He was heavy on your tongue and you needed to find the right pace. 

You slowly move your head up and down, lips wet with spit and slick. You build a steady tempo that has Miguel involuntarily moving his hips and moaning in a senseless manner. 

He was conflicted, core heated at the sound of your throat barely taking him, but wanting to pull you off so you don’t choke all because of him. Hot tears ran down his face as you didn’t let up. 

He chooses the latter, foggy mind coming to a decision. His shaky hands reach towards your face, your cheeks hallowed and eyes closed. His hands make it to your cheeks when you reach the hilt again and swallow around his head. 

Miguel scares himself with the moan he lets out. 

You panic as you swallow his load, mouth completely full. 

Miguel hurries to pull you off, “Shit! Baby, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s ok,” you cough as you try to catch your breath. Drips of him that you didn’t swallow falling to your chest. “I wish you would have told me you were about cum, though.”

“I didn’t know!” he’s red in the face. “God, I’m so sorry!”

“Was it good, though?” You look up at him with lips and sparkling eyes. You’re holding your tits up so that his cum wouldn’t get in the pool. 

Miguel’s dick twitches like it’s trying to wake back up again. You notice it and a grin plants itself right onto your face. 

“Do you really have to ask me that?”

“Yes, Miggy.”

“I think my embarrassing finish was enough but yes, you made me feel good. It was way more than good. Now come out of the pool before you get any more ideas.”

“It wasn’t embarrassing!” you reply as Miguel picks you up from the water and on his stomach while lays back. “‘Was kinda hot. You felt so good that you couldn’t wait.”

You slide your finger over your cleavage to pick up the leftover essence and plop right in your mouth. 

Miguel grips your thighs as he looks up at you, “No, stop that, you vixen.”

You’re going to be the death of him for sure. 

GymRat!Miguel whose legs are like jelly when you help him up from the ground. His thighs haven’t shaken this much since his first leg day almost five years ago. 

“Do you need to lie down on the beach chair for a minute?” you ask with genuine concern. 

“Yeah, I think I need a second,” Miguel says, trying his best not to put his entire weight onto you. 

GymRat!Miguel who watches you watch him from the pool. You’re at the edge, leaning over and smiling at him while you let your body float. 

“Next time, I want to get, like, really hoarse. We should work on your resistance and my tolerance. Oh! And maybe we can do that thing where I hold your-”

“Amor, please. Let’s talk about this when I’m not halfway dying,” Miguel groans, dick half hard. “How are you so good at this anyway?”

“Practice! With my ex and like one other fling. They weren’t nearly as responsive as you, though.”

Miguel squints at your figure. 

“Or fun. Or satisfying. Or tasty. Or big. Can I do it one more time, Miggy?”

Miguel stares at you for a minute or two then groans, “Come on.”

You leave the water and walk over to him with glee. 

GymRat!Miguel who grabs lightly onto your head this time, fingers twitching occasionally. His legs are parted and you’re laid out on the horizontal part of the beach chair. Miguel is constantly looking from your face to your ass, experiencing a sensation overload. You take it easy on him this time, saving some of your tricks and things you wanted to try for a later date. 

The room is filled once again with Miguel’s grunts and whimpers plus your mouth and throat molding unto him. 

GymRat!Miguel who warns you this time. You let go with a pop and let him paint your open mouth. He shudders as you look at him through it all, pumping him slowly until he can't take anymore. A lonely tear escaped him, eyes heavy and chest heaving. 

GymRat!Miguel who barely makes it back up the stairs. He gives the stewardess a polite smile but you can barely look at her for longer than a second. 

“It was really lovely,” you say leaning into Miguel’s side, voice a little gone. 

“Yeah, amazing,” Miguel snickers. You nudge him at the back of his leg causing him to stagger a bit. 

The stewardess just laughs and wishes you both a good night. 

GymRat!Miguel who sleeps like a log that night. His soul needed to rejuvenate. 

GymRat!Miguel who wakes up a new man. He feels like he can conquer the world. As of now, the world is a new set of water activities with their friends. 

He kisses you on the cheek in your sleeping state makes his way out to the deck, wanting to do some morning stretches and yoga if he could fit it in. 

He walked out to see Dana talking to Blake, an indifferent look on her face.

“I just can’t believe he would lie to me like that, you know? Like that’s fucked up. Here I was, ready to get something and he set me up.” 

“Yeah, no. That really sucks,” Dana replies with a big yawn.

“I mean, I thought we were bros. I thought-”

“Miguel! My knight in shining armor,” Dana practically screams when she spots Miguel.

Blake tenses up so that if he mimics a timid raccoon. 

“Morning,” Miguel walks up to them.

Blake breaks out into a sweat, “Hey man, I’m sorry about last night. I would have never done that stuff if I knew. I don’t know why Kron told me you guys were open.”

“I think you need some new friends and better social cues,” Miguel brushed Blake off and walked with Dana onto the boardwalk. 

“Thank god you got here. That was his fourth iteration of ‘bro code should be respected.’ I was going to start screaming if he kept talking.”

GymRat!Miguel who lets Dana guide him in a mini yoga class on the beach. It’s pretty nice with the waves crashing and the birds squawking occasionally.

GymRat!Miguel whose downward dog pose is almost disrupted by you whistling from a spot in the sand. 

You and Gabriel had snuck up on Miguel and Dana, cackling like hyenas.

“Baby, I think you can go deeper,” you shout over the waves, encouraging Miguel to stretch.

“Gross,” Gabriel shudders. 

GymRat!Miguel who wants to use you for a flying pose but you refuse. 

“I’m not walking back with sand up my back.”

“Can we try it later, though?” Miguel pouted. 

“On safe carpet, yes.”

GymRat!Miguel who settles for a forward fold with you. You stretch your body across his back as he reaches down to touch his toes. 

It’s nice until you both switch positions. 

“I think I’m dying,” you gasp out. You sound like an old man on his last breath. 

“No, you’re not. You just need more practice,” Miguel chides from above. 

“When will I ever need this pose in life?”

“Flexibility is good for you!” Miguel replies after a while. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“I didn’t do anything!”

GymRat!Miguel who tilts his head at your breakfast plate piled with pineapples. 

“You don’t want an omelet?”

“Maybe later.”

GymRat!Miguel who joined any group activity he could. 

From the inflatable water obstacle course,  

which Gabriel cheated on by the way,

To the boat tour, he got so many pictures for you for his rotating home screen,

To the banana boat rides that he almost lost his life on. It took you, Gabriel, and Dana to hold onto him. 

GymRat!Miguel who surprises you with a “rooftop” dinner on the horizon on the highest part of the yacht. You’re wearing that same green dress that made him go crazy in the dressing room. 

“This is so gorgeous, Miguel,” you sigh as you take in the small scene. 

From up here, you could see the breathtaking view of the ocean and the city. The sun was close to setting, people were out and about, and the group was partaking in last-minute activities like parasailing and water walking with bubble balls but you could only focus on the glow around Miguel. 

“Did you enjoy this weekend?”

You nod your head, shy with attention, “I really did. I had so much fun.”

“Even with boys that don’t understand the word ‘no’?”

“When I have my strong boyfriend there to defend me, what is there to be afraid of?” you smile at him. 

Miguel sits up straighter at that, chest puffing out.

You laugh at his state, “Seriously, though. This was one of the best summers ever. I’m really glad Mr. Stone arranged this and I’m even more glad that you brought me along.”

“Of course I did. You’re my girl. Mi amor, mi luz,” Miguel reached out to run your hand. “I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”

Like a flower unfurled, your heart took in his words. You leaned across the table until you could brush your lips with his, only the sun peeking through the two of you. 

You let go and lean back a little. “I’m not letting go of you either. I want you by my side,” you say, eyes panning back and forth between his.

“And that’s where I’ll stay.”

GymRat!Miguel who covers your eyes on the way back to the room.

You’re whining because you don’t have nearly as much planned for him as he always does for you. 

“Amor, you could just text me an emoji and I would be happy. You deserve good things. Don’t worry about me.”

GymRat!Miguel who wraps his arm around you as you open your eyes to the room. 

It’s lit with soft lights, decorated lightly with rose petals in the shape of a heart on the ground, and a banner full of pictures with the two of you. Pictures from outside of lab, pictures of you with oil paint on your face, pictures of him piled with notes in the study lab. 

Pictures of you both on your early dates, pictures of you looking at him in the car, pictures where he’s kissing your face off. 

You gasp at the scene, feet stuck in the entryway.

“Surprise,” Miguel says into your ear, kissing the top of it.

“I don’t think I have any tears left,” your voice is watery enough to dispute that lie.

GymRat!Miguel who kisses you deeply in the middle of the rose heart. You’re cradling his face with one hand and rubbing your thumb across his sideburn with another.

You’re so wrapped up in his arms and his presence that you miss his question.

“Can you do what?”

Miguel’s hands find their way to your ass, pulling you even closer, “Can I please eat you out?”

When you stare at him with your eyebrows raised, it only pushes him to continue.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I’ve dreamed about it, researched how to do it, studied it, daydreamed about it. I need to do it before I go crazy.”

He bent down to get on his knees, hands never letting go of your body.

“Please, baby. If you’ll allow me, I really want to make you feel good.”

At first, all you could think was that Dana was right and definitely a girl’s girl. Then, you looked down at Miguel whose head was pressed up against your torso, eyes pleading with you. 

You ran your hand through his hair, “You need to do it?”

“Uh huh,” he nodded, nuzzling into your body through your dress. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to fake my reactions for you.” You didn’t have the heart to lie to him like that, especially when he’s looking at you like that. 

“You won’t have to,” Miguel mumbles into your skin. “I’m confident, but if something is weird, stop me immediately.”

GymRat!Miguel who doesn’t give you time to think when you whisper out an “ok.” He’s picking you up by the legs and plopping you on the bed.

Like a switch, he’s kissing down your body, pulling at the stretchy green fabric to expose your skin. He’s crowding your space in the most desired way possible, a fire building within him.

“Miguel, the dress isn’t going to come off like that,” you say, internally laughing at Miguel tugging to no avail. 

He starts to pull so hard that you can hear threads ripping. Before you can stop him, there’s a makeshift slit up your thigh. 

You lean up on your elbows and give Miguel a look. He just stares sheepishly and lets you stand up to pull the dress off. 

“You gotta be more patient baby,” you purred, bending down to kiss his lips. 

When you lean back, you move backwards to sit on the bed. It’s just you, your black panties, and a hungry Miguel at your feet.

The further you inch up the bed, the more Miguel crawls to be closer to you. 

“Can I kiss you?” he breathes into your mouth, eyes never leaving yours.

“Please.”

Miguel melts into your skin, mouth molding to a familiar shape. His breaths are heavy and sporadic, too excited to finally know what you feel like on his tongue.

You reach to pull his shirt off, wanting to feel his chest against yours, wanting to feel the expanse of his back while he pressed up against you. Miguel follows your movements without letting up.

He sighed into your lips with pleasure as he let his hand flow down your body, grabbing a breast to massage. You hummed into his mouth, legs parting to bring him closer. Eager to please, Miguel slipped his shorts below his bulged, grinding against you.

You start to wrap your legs around his waist before Miguel interrupts you with a sturdy hand under your knee, and a promise to devour you to your neck.

GymRat!Miguel who groans when he slides your panties down your legs. The slope of your thick thighs to your ass has Miguel ready to burst. 

He gets on his knees to maneuver your legs up into your arms. You peek up at him over your knees, your wet cunt kissing the air. 

He licks his lips at the sight, taking a tentative touch at your wet lips. 

You jump at the sensation, the feeling of Miguel seeing you this vulnerable new. 

He bends down to kiss them, hands on the back of your thighs for extra support. Your core flutters as he takes a few more kisses to your sex, tongue reaching out to trace from the bottom to the top. At the first taste, Miguel is groaning into you, sending vibrations through your body. 

You sigh out in bliss as your grip loosens on your legs. Miguel flattens his body on the bed and spreads your legs wide, tongue continuing to savor the taste of you. 

At this angle, Miguel pushes his tongue in between your folds, feeling your warmth around him. He laps at your entrance slowly causing you to flutter around him and reach for his hair.

He slurps up the juices that try to escape him causing you to moan out his name. He just hums in response, breaching further inside. The more noises he makes, the wetter you get. The room is full of the sound of him lapping everything he gave you and your quiet moans.

“Miguel,” your breath hitched as he swiped over a particular spot. You look down at Miguel whose eyes are closed and hands are tight on your thighs. You feel a building heat seeing how much of a trance he’s in. 

Just when you feel a bud sprouting within you, he directs his attention towards your clit, searching until he finds it. At the first skim across it, your hips are bucking up off the bed. Miguel is quick to hold you down, placing his weight on your thighs and lapping continuously at the pearl. 

“Fuck!” you shout, hitting the mattress. You’re writhing beneath him, unable to control your body. “Don’t stop, Miguel, please.”

Miguel groans through it all, lapping up every drop. 

“Baby, I’m gonna-” a scream pushes through you as your body shakes with pleasure. Miguel takes it like a champ, slurping like you were his last meal.

As you twitch with aftershocks, Miguel barely gives you time to recover before he’s diving back into your entrance. You let out a sob, still sensitive and quivering as your legs move too close before Miguel growls and wraps his arms around your thighs to keep them open. 

He’s sinking into you, moving his tongue at a steady pace and sucking in between. Your moans were a pool of words from his name to begging to profanities crescendoing across the air.

Miguel would rarely part for air, adamant on bringing you to the hilt again. Your thighs were tensing up as Miguel kept going, fire building as you grabbed his hair and jerked your hips in time with his movements. 

Your climax comes in waves, your hands tighter in his hair and an arch in your back. When you clench over his tongue and your release hits his mouth, Miguel’s eyes start to roll and he’s rubbing his nose against your clit. You yell even louder as Miguel pushes his face incredibly deep into your pussy. He’s rutting into the bed at the sound of your voice, moaning with you. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

The captain swore that the VIP suite was soundproof, but your voice was practically carrying across the yacht. 

“She’s getting it good! Just like I promised,” Dana smiles to herself. 

“What did you promise? I was the one that gave Miguel tips.” Gabriel moved his headphones aside. 

“Oh yeah? And what tips did you give him?” She had her eyebrow raised and a silly smirk on her face. 

There was a pause of silence between them, only your voice filling up the space occasionally. Gabriel stared at Dana with a goofy grin.

He reached over and connected his phone to his speaker, putting on his special playlist. “Want to find out?”

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

GymRat!Miguel who has to be pulled off your sex with both of your hands. His eyes are glazed over and his chin is soaked. Every chance you came after the first two times, your body would move up the bed and Miguel was sure to follow. 

“Ok, ok, baby,” you heave. Your legs are spasming, a result of the position and Miguel’s willingness to have you cum over and over again.

You were tapping out, body sore and tired. 

Miguel left a final long kiss to your clit, a trail of essence following his lips. He kissed up one of your thighs with a hungry look still in his eyes.

“¿Lo hice bien, cariño?” (Did I do it well, baby/darling?)

You trembled at his touch, limbs still heavy and mind in the clouds. 

Still, this was the best you’ve felt in a while.

You open your mouth to whisper, “Lo hiciste muy bien.” (You did so good.)

GymRat!Miguel who has to calm down internally at your answer. You don’t talk to him in Spanish often, but when you do, he’s over the moon. 

GymRat!Miguel who carries you to the bathroom to clean you off.

“Baby, I can’t walk. You’ll have to carry me for the rest of your life.”

“I’m totally fine with that.”

GymRat!Miguel who shocks you when he says that you don’t need to worry about bringing him relief. 

“Amor, I came when you came. After that, it was really all about you.”

“Oh!”

GymRat!Miguel who pats his past self on the back for asking the crew for extra sheets. He had no clue how the evening would go, but something in him told him to be overprepared. 

Those old sheets were beyond ruined. 

GymRat!Miguel who rubs your legs and stomach with aloe vera lotion after the shower. Not only did he stretch you a little further than you’re used to, but his bite marks left a big impression. 

GymRat!Miguel who cuddles you to sleep. If you wore him out the other night, he definitely put you through the ringer. You were gone after three rubs to your back. 

GymRat!Miguel who wakes up early with you to send off all of your friends. You’re yawning constantly, tears sticking to the corners of your eyes.

“Someone had a time last night,” Hobie snickers as he walks past with his backpack. 

“Shut up, Hobie,” you say, already flustered. 

“What? It’s true! If I didn’t know Migs' name before, I sure do now.”

“I’m going to backflip off of this boat.”

GymRat!Miguel who grants Captain Barrett a goodbye, thanking him for letting them use his boat.

“It was a pleasure to host you, Miguel. If you and your girlfriend ever need to, my superyacht is available for any future formal events!” he elbows Miguel with a giant grin, curled mustache moving like it was paid to do so. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Cap.”

For Miguel, the man with the plan, he would grant Mission A: Eat You Out, a huge success and the start of the summer one to remember.

divider by: @iwonbin 🩵

Part 9.1 here!

a/n: And with that, the yacht chapter is finished! I hope you guys enjoyed it and got your life. 🤭 It was both challenging and rewarding to write this GIANT chapter. I hope that you guys have fun with it like I did! I have no idea how the next chapter OR Miguel's Mission B: Virgin No More plan will go, but!!! Hopefully, it will be pleasant regardless! 🤠

ALSO! I have decided to give this drabble that's basically a fic a proper name (mostly for AO3). Do you all have any suggestions?

As always, like, comment, and reblog. Let me know how you feel! 🩵

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[corazondebeskar-reads]

get some on my love

QZ!Joel Miller x f!reader

my masterlist | joel fic recs

This is for @justagalwhowrites' Birthday Celebration for Joel. I picked the prompts for QZ!Joel and breeding kink. It, uh. It got away with me. Title from "Gasoline" by Seether because that's what made this get so feral. Please read the warnings.

dedicated to @covetyou bcus it's your tumblrversary bb! and also because of SWAT, the ultimate slutty qz joel fic that lives in my head and pays rent

words: 1.6k

summary: You visit Joel Miller to get what you need.

warnings: dub-con, dubcon due to sex in exchange for drugs, and he kind of springs the breeding kink on her (but there's not a risk), abuse of prescription medications, QZ!Joel Miller, dealer!Joel Miller, smuggler!Joel Miller, filthy!Joel Miller, breeding kink, creampie, menstrual sex, inappropriate uses of period blood, spitting, pussy pronouns (she/her), vulgar language, god i don't even know it's just nasty and they like it, kind of hate fucking, no y/n, no betas no proofreading no nothing lol

dividers by @saradika-graphics

also on ao3

“Well, well. Look who’s come crawlin’ back,” Joel drawls when he opens the door. 

You scowl. “You gonna let me in or not?”

He leans against the frame, a lazy smirk curling. “Gee, I don’t know. You had some mighty strong things to say ‘bout me last time.” He does step back, though, ushering you in. 

“Pretty sure you said you were never gonna look at my ugly mug again,” he adds as he shuts the door behind you. 

“Yeah, well,” you mutter. 

He tips your chin up with two fingers. “Yeah, well,” he mocks. “Well, what? No one else want that sloppy pussy as payment?”

“You like my pussy, jackass,” you snap, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Yeah, I do,” he says, cornering you against the door, your back hitting it with a thump. He leers, leaning in. “You know why it’s so sloppy? ‘Cause I fuckin’ ruined it, and you loved it.”

You scowl again, turning your head sharply to the side so you don’t have to look at his smug smirk. The worst part is how right he is. 

“Look,” you mutter, heat rising to your cheeks, “I-I can’t pay today. But I need them, bad. I’ll… I’ll make it up to you.”

It nearly kills you to say. The only thing worse than dealing with Joel Miller is owing Joel Miller. 

“Whaddya mean you can’t pay today? Cunt closed for construction or somethin’?”

You shove him away roughly, ducking out of his grasp to stalk into the living room. “No, dumbass, I’m… bleedin’, you know.”

His responding grin is feral and full of teeth. “I don’t give a shit. Go bend over the bathroom sink.”

“Are you fuckin' serious?”

“You want the fuckin’ pills or not?”

You could scream. Of course you do. There’s not a part of your body that doesn’t hurt. It’s settled into every joint and crevice, an ache you can’t stretch out or shake loose. 

You’d know. You’ve tried. But you’re losing sleep, and the pain makes you too nauseous to eat. His drugs will only take the edge off for so long, but god, you’d do nearly anything for a few hours’ respite. 

“Fine,” you whisper finally, and make your way to the apartment’s tiny three-piece. 

He follows, watching you with amusement. “Strip,” he says. 

You glare, and he shrugs. 

“Or don’t. But I ain’t responsible for what happens to your clothes.”

Oh, fuck him. Fuck him. But you strip—all the way, even though you could have left your top on, but because mother nature has you on her shit list, your usual pain is compounded when you’re menstruating. And when you’re ovulating. Really, so many women don’t even have a fucking cycle anymore from all the stress and malnutrition, but noooo, you were cursed with a fertile fucking uterus. 

The point was that your titties were sore and aching, and the thought of his warm hands groping and pawing at them sounded nice, so off goes your shirt.

He chuckles when he enters the bathroom. “Well, look at that. Eager?”

“Hurry up,” you snap. “It’s cold, and there’s gonna be a mess.”

“Gonna be a mess either way,” he taunts, his hands rough against your hips.

And ain’t that the kicker? There’s gonna be a mess. Your cunt is already sore, and he’s gonna leave a trail of destruction in his wake. 

“Don’t look so grossed out, sugar,” he says, cupping your breasts and looking at you in the mirror. “It’s all natural. Plus, I gotta say, it’s been a long time since I got to do this.”

You’re busy meeting his eyes in the mirror and pulling a face, not catching his last words. He rolls and pinches at your tender nipples, but it’s the kind of pain that sits on the right side of pleasure. As expected, his meaty hands grope unmercifully at your breasts, and you moan in relief at the free massage.

“That’s it. That’s what I like to hear. You ready for me, huh? That greedy pussy o’ yours ready?”

“Uh-huh,” you say distractedly. “Wait—”

“I didn’t forget,” he murmurs in your ear. “Open.”

You open your mouth obediently, sticking your tongue out. He sets a round, white pill on it and turns your head with a firm grip on your chin, his spit landing right on the pill.

You swallow and avert your eyes as he watches your reflection.

“Get on with it,” you rasp.

One hand wanders down between your thighs and strokes through the folds, working you open with two thick fingers scissoring side to side. He doesn’t spend long there, dragging them up to rub at your clit for a moment.

“Make some fuckin’ noise; I can’t tell if you’re wet or not with all this goin’ on,” he grumbles, withdrawing his hand and showing you the slick blood coating it.

You wince, and he laughs. “Y’ain’t scared of your own period, are ya?”

“Fuck off, ‘course I’m not. Doesn’t mean I wanna look at it.”

He grins. The expression is always unnatural on him and usually heralds something vulgar.

You’re not wrong. He brings his hand up to cup your breast, leaving a smear of blood on your tit. 

“Somethin’ kinda hot about it, don’tcha think?” he muses.

“If you say so,” you mutter, but you can’t look away. It’s striking, blood against your skin that isn’t borne of violence.

The thick tip of his cock interrupts your thoughts as he pushes down on your shoulder. You bend, gripping the sides of the vanity as he buries himself inside with one slow thrust.

He groans, gripping hard on your shoulder. “S’better than lube.”

“You’re so gross,” you say, shaking your head.

“Yeah? Then why’re you clenchin’ around me like a goddamn vice, huh?”

“You always talk this much when you fuck, or am I special?”

“Oh, sugar, don’t flatter yourself,” he says with a slap on your ass. “Y’ain’t special.”

“You—ahh—you hate-fuck all your customers?”

He snorts. “You ain’t even special enough to hate, honey. And you can hate me all you like, but we both know you’re gonna keep comin’ back.”

As you scowl up at him in the mirror, you almost wish looks could kill. But he’s right. He’d be no good to you dead because no other dealer in this godforsaken QZ will dose you in exchange for sex.

As it is, he only lets you once a week. You need more than that? Gotta pay like everyone else. Even when you can afford it, you find yourself back here or on your knees or however he wants you every fuckin’ Friday, because a free pill is a free pill. It’s 3-4 hours you can nap without nearly killin’ yourself to afford it.

Today’s pill hasn’t begun to set in yet, but that’s the other thing about Joel. He’s good at making you forget.

Real good.

His hands are on your body, roughly gentle. He’s not careful with his touch, but not careless, either. He wants you to come, wants you to shake and fall apart on his dick, so he can flash you that little self-satisfied smirk borne of bravado he’s rightly earned. 

And you do. You come for him, with his hands on your breasts and your clit. You tremble and moan and your pussy tries to stake a claim on his cock, clenching and hoping to never let go. But it will, and you will. In the end, you always let go.

He’s a different kind of beast tonight. Panting and grunting in your ear, teeth on your neck, sweat dripping and blending with yours. After he’s rung pleasure from you, he settles one hand on your hip and another on your shoulder and ruts into you like a jackhammer. Like he can’t get deep enough, can’t stop until he’s carved a spot for him within you.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he mutters, pushing you down further. “Fuuuck, darlin’, you want this, huh? You want me to fill you up?”

“Wh-what?” you gasp, air knocked from you with each punch of his cock against your cervix.

“Gonna fill you up good, gonna—nnng— gonna make it stick.”

You reach back and smack him. “The fuck are you—” 

But he doesn’t let you finish. He holds on tight and grinds his dick deep. “That greedy pussy, sugar, she fuckin’ wants it. Oh fuck, I-I’m gonna fuck this pretty little pussy ‘till she’s full o’ me. And you’re gonna take it, right?”

You whimper, holding tight to the sink while he loses his fucking mind or whatever is happening. You don’t know. It feels too good to question.

“Thas’ it,” he rambles. “Gonna look so good, stuffed up, and ev’ryone—everyone—will know you let me fuckin’ breed you.”

Oh god. It shouldn’t be hot. Those words should be stopping your heart, you should be pushing him away, but your dumb cunt has a mind of its own and holds tight to him, each thrust of his cock squelching as you come around him again. 

“Jesus, baby, it’s been too long, too long since I got to fill up a cunt like yours,” he groans, hips stuttering, “oh shit, take it—fuckin’ take it.”

His cock pulses inside you, and you think maybe you die and go to heaven for a little bit—just a little, because when you open your eyes, you’re still in Joel’s grimy bathroom—but there’s a sweet moment where you think he’s right. It’s been too long. Far too long since a man’s come undone inside you, let you feel that hot burst and twitching, it’s divine, it’s—well, it’s making you come again. 

When he pulls out, you stumble right to the toilet, glaring at him as you try to clean up the mess before it happens. “Gross,” you grumble.

When you look up, the way he’s looking at you makes somethin’ awful churn inside, and it’s not just the apparent buckets of cum he filled you with. 

The silence between you is thick. Finally, he jerks his head to the shower. “Get cleaned up ‘n get out,” is all he says, and the door clicks shut in his wake. 

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Ello!!

So this is for Quiet. Where after a smooth mission is over, Price decides it’s a good idea for the 141 to go to a bar and wind down. They all carpool (could you imagine how cramped that would be lol) and arrive, taking seats at the front.

Now they are all wearing normal clothing, aside from ghost, wearing that hoodie/jacket with the skull balaclava. And soon enough the drinks start rolling in.

I can literally see Quiet practically barricaded/sandwiched in between Ghost and Soap. Because they’re big guys and she’s small. So while the rest of the 141 are having their fun, Quiet leaves to go to the bathroom and when she starts to make her way back, some idiot tries to flirt with her and “take her home” if you know my meaning. She’s not having it and declines shaking her head but the guy is persistent and not leaving her be.

And ghost notices…

You always send me the best prompt for this series @thedevillovesflowers ❤️ SO sorry this took me forever, this is a little short just because I was struggling but I hope you like it

Hoping to slowly get back into this series I have a couple ideas

Quiet Series

You were persistent. It was in your job to be especially when you were someone who had to wait hours in the same spot for your target before you could do anything. But right now your patience was wearing thin by the second.

It was meant to be just a nice night out at the pub. It had been a long time since you and the 141 had the chance to relax, so Price offered to take everyone to the pub for a couple drinks and food.

It had been nice. You always loved hanging out with the boys, even if they got on your nerves, and doing it off the clock was nice since you didn't have to worry about getting shot at. They included you too, of course they did, because while Price had put you on the team just almost a year ago, it felt like you had been there since the beginning.

You had been stuck in between Soap and Ghost, smushed against Ghost more since Soap was so animated and enjoyed the company.

You blamed the warm fuzzy feeling on the few drinks you had rather than being pressed against your lieutenant, not having the energy to unpack those feelings at the moment. Eventually you had to use the bathroom and though you regrettably had to move away from his warmth, you didn't miss the way his dark eyes followed you.

But now you were here, unable to get back to him because a rather unattractive man stood in your way.

He was trying to get you to come home with him but after you had shook your head no multiple times he just didn't get it.

"You don't have to be shy, tell me why not." He said but you shook your head again.

You would try to sign to him but you don't think he knows ASL or that he would even realize you were mute. You wanted to just walk past him but there was limited space and you didn't want to be touched by any part of him.

"C'mon, I like a mysterious lady and you can tell me all about your scars-"

Your patience was gone.

You huffed, rolling your eyes and tried to step past him but he grabbed your arm. You nearly slapped him before you felt a familiar presence.

"She said no, mate. Leave it." Ghost's voice was rougher than usual but just as serious as always, maybe even more so like he was scolding a recruit.

He glared at the man and pushed himself in between the two of you. He didn't need to do anything else as the man grumbled and scurried off, leaving the pub without further incident.

"Alright?" Ghost turned to you and you gave him a small smile.

"Yeah..." You signed, trying not to let the interaction ruin your night.

"Let's take a walk."

You gladly followed him out of the pub and once you were outside, you couldn't help but lean against him. You expected him to pull away but he instead he gently pulled you closer.

That warm fuzzy feeling came back when he wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you began your walk and it was hard to ignore it or place the blame on anything else.

At least out here you could lean on him without worrying what the others or anyone else would think.

"You should've told him off." Ghost grumbled. "Bastard would've ran if he knew how scary you are."

You snorted but shook your head.

"It's not like he would've understood anyway" You signed and you saw the annoyance in his eyes, not at you but at the man. "Don't let it bother you, he's unimportant."

"Should be saying that to you." He signed back and you smiled.

"It's okay. No sense in getting mad at what I can't control, right?"

You know he's smiling under his mask when you see the corner of his eyes crinkle. Your face heats up when he tightens his hold around your shoulders.

"Atta girl."

A/n: slowly getting back into this hopefully Ghost isn't ooc, he's a little different that roommate!simon here atm but he'll get there

[uceyliyahh]

UNDER YOUR TOUCH

Summary: After her difficult breakup, Tiana wanted to start anew with her life. That's when she realized her life would be better when she met him.

This fanfic is 18+! NO MINORS ALLOWED

word count: 2692

smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.

Jey Uso x Tiana

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

But I’ll be writing along the way since this story is in my drafts on Wattpad right now so yuh. 💁🏽‍♀️

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️

@paigereeder @empressdede @pinkwithhearts @420days @angiedawn02 @jstarr86 @biancasreign @yana3sworld @hunnidmilly @bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @zillasvilla @xbriexx @magnificentbouqetmusic @fearlesschimera

12.

OMNISCIENT Tiana and Jey went to the gym together because she felt unsafe going alone due to what happened the last time she went.

He was watching her do her reps, making sure that she didn't hurt herself in the process. He loved how he was admiring her doing her workouts.

She was struggling a bit with pushing the barbell back up when Jey took notice. "C'mon, mama, you got it." His encouragement just made her heart flutter as she managed to push it all the way back up, feeling the burning sensation in her biceps.

Jey put the barbell back in place while helping Tiana up, massaging her biceps as they felt very sore.

"That was good, mama," Jey said as he slapped her ass.

She winched in pain while punching him In his arm. "That hurt Jey, but thank you. Whew, I am tired, though, not going to lie." He nodded as he sanitized the bench that Tiana was sitting on and started to do his dumbbell bench press workout.

Tiana grabbed her water bottle, which was next to his while watching him do his workout. He looked so good doing his exercises, which made her want to pounce on this man like a lion.

It felt nice to her that they got to do this together since they were both busy most of the time. Tiana felt her bladder running thin, so she let Jey know she was going to the bathroom real quick.

She didn't want anything to happen while they were at the gym. After using the bathroom, she went to the sink to wash her hands while looking at herself in the mirror.

It's no wonder why Jey couldn't keep his hands off of her; she looked too damn good for her liking. When she came out of the bathroom, she saw Jey finishing his workout as he put the dumbbells down on the ground.

He gazed up at her as she smiled back at him with her hands on her hips.

"Are you ready to go? So I can make us something to munch on." Tiana asked.

"Yeah, mama, I'm ready. Let's head out because I am a starving girl, " he said.

Tiana grabbed her duffle bag and her water bottle as she and Jey headed out of the gym. As they were doing that, Jey opened the door for her as she got inside his car, while he shut his door and did the same.

He was turning on the ignition before heading back to his crib to eat afterward.

✧.* TIANA We finally made it back to my crib. Jey parked his car in the driveway, and we got out of the car together. I walked up to the door while he was behind me, playing around like a little ass kid rolling my eyes in the process as I saw that Bianca and Montez weren't home.

Holding on to the wall, I took off my shoes and placed them on the shoe rack as I walked upstairs towards my bedroom while Jey followed me.

I opened my door and walked towards my dresser, picking out some comfortable clothes to wear around the house. I saw Jey standing there admiring me.

Taking off my sweaty workout clothes, I felt him from behind me pulling me closer. He was definitely hard right now. I mean, I wasn't doing it on purpose.

Wrapping his hands over my breast, playing around yet again while dry-humping me in the process.

"Joshhhhh I am hot and hungry, stop playin'" I whined as he let go of my breast.

He threw his hands up in defense, and he had a smug expression on his face before taking off his clothes and hopping in the shower with me.

As we were in the shower together, I was washing up my body, turning around to let the warm water hit my back. I saw Jey gazing down at me, and man, he looked so sexy. He always makes me look down at my feet, making me feel nervous.

I felt him grab my chin, making me gaze up at him innocently as he licked his lips. He placed his lips onto mine, slipping his tongue inside of my mouth.

I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands snaked down my hips, squeezing them a bit.

I knew that he was hard right now, rubbing all over his chest towards his hardened member, stroking it. Causing a groan to escape his lips as he grabbed onto my throat, removing his lips from mine.

"I'm finna fuck the shit out of you Tink, if yo' ass keep playin'" he rasped.

I raised my eyebrow at him, "You started it first, papa, so why don't you come finish it?" He liked how bold I was even though sometimes I would truly regret it due to how he is during sex.

Without hesitation, he scooped me up by my thighs and got to work.

✧.*

After getting demolished by this man, I was downstairs cooking us something to eat. I decided to make some honey BBQ wings with some fries for us. I began putting the flats into the air fryer while making the sauce in the skillet.

While I was doing that, I heard footsteps coming down. I knew that it was Jey coming from upstairs as I heard him come inside the kitchen, getting something to drink from the fridge.

Feeling his hands snake around my hips as he placed a soft kiss on my shoulder, watching me cook.

"What's on the menu mama?" Jey asked.

"I am making honey BBQ wings with waffle fries," I replied while stirring the sauce in a skillet pan.

"Ohhh, girl, you know just how to throw it down in here, don't you." I chuckled at his comment I mean my mother always told me food is the way to get into a man's heart.

He stayed behind me, wrapping his strong, muscular arms around my waist as I turned around and looked into his features.

"You know you make a good wife tink." He said.

"Oh? really? What's stopping you from getting down on one knee hm?" Teasing him a bit he hates when I do this to him.

"T, don't start with the teasing, and you know imma wife you up ion' rush into it." Nodding in agreement I could understand where he was coming from. I didn't want to rush into marriage; I wanted us to take it slow.

He slapped my ass before heading back upstairs, probably watching TV as I continue to cook us something to eat.

✧.* JEY I was upstairs in Tiana's bedroom, watching some YouTube videos while waiting for her to finish cooking. I thought about what I said earlier about making her my wife. I was serious about making that happen, but I didn't want to rush into marriage yet because I didn't want it to be a disaster.

Tiana meant the world to me. I would do anything to protect her, especially from Kai, whom we haven't heard from or seen since that incident happened at her nail shop.

I wasn't finna let nobody touch her. I mean, she can hold her ground by herself when it comes to Kehlani, but with Kai, that's a whole difference.

I hope his people ain't up to nothing dealing with his ass. I heard Tiana yell my name, assuming that the food was done, as I went downstairs and saw her setting up the table.

"Baby, you could've just asked me to help you set up." I said.

she shook her head. "It's okay, Bubba. I got it now, c'mon, so we can eat after that long workout we did today." She gave me my plate as she sat down, beginning to eat her food.

As we were eating our food together, I saw that her phone was buzzing. When she looked at it, her face scrunched up.

"What's wrong ma?" I asked.

"His momma sent me a message saying she wants her son released from the restraining order, " she said as she handed me her phone to read the text.

Ms Jackson: Hello, Hon. I wanted to text you and ask you to please remove our son from the restraining order. I promise he didn't do anything wrong; he just misses you, that's all, dear. It's so sad that you had to find someone else instead of being with our son.

My facial expression turned up a bit as I read through the message clearly. What the fuck is his mother actually serious right now?

I gave Tiana back her phone, looking up at her. "Are you going to respond or what, T?" She shook her head.

"I don't have nothing to say to her, if she believes her son didn't do anything wrong when he really did, he did a lot to me." I could see it in her eyes that she's been through this before with his mother and father I pulled my hand out as she held it with hers.

"Look, everything is goin' to be okay ma." I reassured her while she nodded her head I kissed her hand.

"Thank you for being here with me Josh it really means a lot." I gave her a smile as we continued to eat our food.

✧.* After we got done eating together me and Tiana decided to watch a movie together it was like a two hour long movie. We were cuddled up against each other on her bed as her head was on my chest while my arm was wrapped around her as my neck nuzzled against her shoulder.

As we were watching the movie, we heard a knock on Tiana's door. I sat up and went to see who it was, and it was Bianca standing there.

"What's up, B?" I asked her.

"I think Malakai's mom is in our driveway. I recognize the car from anywhere, " she said as Tiana turned her head and looked at us.

"What?"

"Yeah, she's been knocking on our door, but I didn't want to answer it."

Tiana sat up from her bed, sighing deeply. She didn't have time for this; all she wanted to do was be cuddled up with her man while watching a scary movie.

She walked downstairs and opened the door, seeing his mother standing there with her arms folded.

"Hello there, Hon. I see you didn't get my messages," Ms Jackson said as Tiana rolled her eyes at her.

"Ms Jackson, ion' have time to deal with you nor your son's bullshit for today." She said as she has seen me come behind her.

His momma looked up at me as she just smirked as she seen my hands on Tiana's waist.

"Oh? Is this your new boyfriend? He doesn't look better than my son, but that's not what I'm here for." I've seen Tiana fold her arms over her chest as her energy shifted.

"I am here because I want you to get back together with my son." Tiana's face scrunched up as she looked at me then back at his momma.

"No, thank you. I am not going through what I went through with him; I am in a better place, so you can leave now, Ms. Jackson."

Tiana was not having it with his momma. Getting back together with her son? That was insane, and he must have put his momma into this as well because she's totally delusional about everything.

"He was mentally ill—-" and that's what set her off as she pushed the door open, getting in his momma's face.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF HE WAS OR WASNT THAT MAN MENTALLY ABUSE ME AND PUT HIS FUCKING HANDS ON ME YOURE SO DELUSIONAL!" Tiana yelled as she pointed her finger in her face.

I held Tiana by her waist, trying to calm her down, but she kept going. "I AM IN A BETTER PLACE RIGHT NOW AND YO' ASS WANT ME TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOUR SON?! TUH PLEASE." His momma stood there In silence, rolling her eyes at Tiana's outburst.

"Little girl, my son is innocent and wouldn't do anything like that. You're just a broken girl." The way Tiana got out of my grip so quickly as she snatched up his momma, beating her head in.

Bianca and Montez came out to see what was happening as she had seen her best friend beating up her ex-boyfriend's mom. I scooped up Tiana by her waist, and his momma was lying there looking a mess.

"Baby! Baby, look at me, focus on me. She's not worth it, mama, okay? She's not." I reassured her, and her eyes focused on me as I told her to breathe in and out.

She calmed down for a bit as she darted towards his momma. It looked like she wanted to kill his momma.

"Ms Jackson, I think you should go, and please don't show up here ever again." Bianca said.

We saw her getting up from her feet as she stomped toward her car before pulling out of the driveway.

Tiana was sitting on the couch, her head hanging low. Seeing that broke my heart, so I kneeled down to her height, grabbing her chin to look at her.

She had tears streaming down her face. I wiped her tears away, embracing her. It just pained me to see her go through this.

Stroking her hair as she cried softly on my chest as I kissed her on top of her head, trying to calm her down.

"Mama, it's okay. Nobody isn't going to hurt you. Ever again, and I mean EVER again, I am here for you through all of this love."

✧.* I put Tiana to bed in her room as I saw Bianca coming up towards me.

"What's up, B?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

"I just wanted to say thank you for being there for Tiana throughout all of this. If I hadn't mentioned your tattoo shop to her, we wouldn't be here right now, " she said.

"I understand B I got her, and she knows I'll be there for her no matter what." I meant that shit I don't want anything happening to her she was the love of my life.

I had already started to think about marrying this girl and having her have my kids, so I could understand where Bianca was coming from. She gave me a friendly hug as I gave her one back.

"Like seriously, I appreciate you, Josh. Tiana needed someone who could love her and be there for her, and you were the right person to do so, so Kai couldn't provide that for her, " she said.

"I am glad that I'm here now."

She nodded her head as she went back to her and Montez's bedroom, and I did the same. I saw Tiana sleeping soundly as I quietly removed my clothing while climbing into the bed with her.

I saw her shifting around in the bed as I pulled her closer to my warm body, and her head was on my chest. I admired her beauty; she was so cute whenever she fell asleep on me.

"Josh....?" I heard her mumbling in her sleep.

"Go back to sleep, baby. It's okay; I'm here." I kissed her thick lips, seeing her drift back to sleep as I did the same thing.

Under Your Touch.

uceyjucey, jonathanfatu, biancabelairwwe and others like your post.

tianasworld: my gym buddy. 🫶🏼🤍 uceyjucey: 🤍 tianasworld: @ uceyjucey 🥰 biancabelairwwe: periodddd i love this for you bestie 🥹🥹 tianasworld: @ biancabelairwwe ikrrr 🥹 shehateskai: so im hearing that you hit my mama tink? tianasworld: @ shehateskai I fucking did actually, you and your mother are absolutely delusional now you'll get blocked again ofc 💁🏽‍♀️ jonathanfatu: ooop

Read all comments.

tianasworld replied to your story: come wife me up then and stop playin' theyhatelani replied to your story: whatever she isn't better Jey stop playin' and come home. jonathanfatu replied to your story: dawg go ahead an marry her please teasing uce. 😭😭 biancabelairwwe replied to your story: STOP PLAYIN WITH MY FEELINGS JEY I NEED YALL TWO TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES!😭🥲 trinity_fatu replied to your story: period brotherrr

A/N: sigh not Kai's mama playing a role in this she's so delusional did her husband hit her upside the head or sum?

But I hope yall enjoy this chapter. Lmk in the comments below.

Stay Ucey.

[luveline]

we've seen bodyguard!james being soft and sweet on r, but can we possibly get more of r being soft and sweet on him? <<<<3 like she cleans and patches him up after some sort of scuffle or close call? tysm! but no pressure if you don't want to! (p.s. would that be where they'd have their first official kiss, you think? lol)

thank you so much for your request! bodyguard james forever | fem!reader ♥︎ 1.6k

James' hands shake after events. Adrenaline, no matter how many times he's defended you, will run its course. 

"Are you okay?" you ask him worriedly. 

He presses a hand, trembling still, to his forehead. A cruel looking cut tugs with the movement, scabbed over and black-crimson. 

"Fine," he says, following up with a low groan. 

His knuckles are split from an unfortunate sucker punch that had, undoubtedly, protected you from a similar facial injury. 

"You gonna go clean up?" 

He sits up. "Yeah, sorry. Just waiting for my hands…" 

You put your hands on each of his shoulders and push him back gently into your settee. "I wasn't trying to get rid of you. I don't want you to get an infection." 

His shoulders relax ever so slightly. 

"Hey," you say, "I could clean you up. If you want me to." 

"No, you couldn't. It's a mess, I don't think your pristine bathroom would survive it." 

His eyes crease with his smile. It quickly fades, an injury strained. You offer your hand to him, waiting in a tentative silence until he takes it. His fingers move to your wrist and you take his, pulling him up off of your settee with a happy sigh. 

"I'm a great nurse," you promise. "You'll be brand new by tonight." 

He lets you take him into the bathroom, a generosity to pretend you're strong enough to force him, your link tugging between you with every step. He sits on the lowered toilet seat lid and his hand forgets to let you go as you walk away. 

"I need the first aid kit," you say. 

He clears his throat, dropping your wrist. You think about it too much, the pleasure of his naturally wanting to hold onto you a blooming light you suspect radiates from your appled cheeks. You tamp down your smile and get back to business, retrieving your immaculate first aid kit from the cupboard under the sink and popping it open next to the sink. It's a huge kit, James instated, with silver sealed bandages, sterile gauze and wraps, tiny scissors and huge fabric shears, everything you could ever need to perform minor surgery. 

"Face or hands first?" you ask unsurely.

"Face is easier. It just needs disinfectant, and a butterfly stitch." 

He sees your eyes widen and laughs, though his laugh makes him wince. "Butterfly bandage, angel. It's not a real stitch. You've seen them, they're those grey plastic strips." 

You try to laugh your embarrassment away as you wash your hands. "Right, I know." 

First, you wipe the blood away from his face with a warm towel. He's gracious, closing his eyes as you lean in toward him. You're conscious that he can smell you, and you wonder if you smell good. You probably smell like sweat from all the panic, and that makes you cringe. 

"Sorry if I smell bad," you mumble. 

He opens one eye to squint at you. "You smell bad? Why would you smell bad?" His eyes close again as you wash over his mean cut. "You smell really nice. Like flowers." 

"It's the lilac and mandora perfume, in the fancy bottle." 

He hums. "Remind me again what mandora is?" 

"Citrus," you murmur, more focused on his skin than his question. 

His blood stains your face cloth, muslin slowly changing from a light cream to rusted orange. You set it next to the kit and rip open an alcohol wipe next. 

"I'm sorry," you say preemptively. "I know it'll sting. I'll be quick."  

He shakes his head. "Don't be. You couldn't hurt me if you tried." 

Why would he say that? You want to ask him. Jamie, why would you say that? It's nearly cruel, because what are you supposed to think? You bite your tongue and hold your breath as you clean the length of his wound, cringing at the feeling of the split in his skin. His tone had been so soft, a juxtaposition when compared to the ruggedness of his appearance. 

"Don't get blood on your sleeves," he says. 

"Does it matter? I'll never wear this dress again. God forbid I wear the same thing twice." 

"I wish they'd let you." 

"I'm sure you do," you mutter sarcastically. 

"I do. I'd want you to wear the one you had at your fathers Christmas Ball, the silver-gold one, with the tiny sleeves, that one was–" He hisses at your last tugging wipe. "It was beautiful. You looked beautiful." 

You stroke his forehead lightly, a stolen touch you shouldn't take. Your fingertips kiss his eyebrow, and then you force yourself away from him. 

You can't bring yourself to say thank you. Words feel impossible. 

His cut bleeds again, but it's a sluggish droplet that rivers down the slope of his temple a millimetre a second. He stays perfectly still as you pinch the skin ever so gently closed with one butterfly stitch. 

You wipe away the blood with another alcohol wipe. 

His hand is a more intricate affair. It's not shaking anymore, but it's clearly amazingly sore. You wipe off all the blood with a wipe, and apply a disinfectant cream over the worst of it. You run out of things to do. 

You're not eager to let go of his hand. 

You let your fingerpads slide over his uninjured skin until you're holding his wrist in two hands. You squeeze. There's a reverence to your touch. 

"Thank you for looking after me," you say. 

You both look up from your contiguity at the same time, comfortable enough with one another that your eyes lock and there's no awkwardness or tension. 

"They pay me," he says, "to do so. Please, don't say thanks." 

He's right, they do. They pay James to take care of your physical wellbeing. But all his compliments, all his sweet caring, that's for free. He might've taken a punch for you because he had to, but he'd hugged you in the car on the way home because he wanted to. He'd rubbed your arm, whispered, "Don't worry, sweetheart. It was a fluke, huh?" 

A fluke is the word he uses for stalker situations, people that have deluded themselves into thinking they know you, or that they need to talk to you. Now that you're in the public eye it happens more and more, and it sucks, but a fluke that grows aggressive after rejection will always be better than people who want to hurt you from the get go. Kidnappers, 'assassins', if they actually exist. 

"Can I give you a hug?" you ask him.

He lifts his chin. He has a pretty chin, a lovely jaw, and you know in your heart what you're going to do before you do it. 

"Course you can," he says cheerily. "Bring it in." 

Your arms fall over his shoulders, your wrists crossed. You rub your cheek against his mildly and breathe in his smell. The disinfectant stick tickles your nose, but his real smell, his rosemary hair oil, his lotion, has you breathing him in greedily. 

"You should change out of this uncomfortable thing," he says, big hands feeling huge as they smooth down the dip of your spine. Calluses over silk. 

"I will… It's not fun getting changed when you aren't on shift." You squeeze him tighter, wishing immediately that you could disappear. "That's not how it sounded in my head." 

"How did it sound in your head?" 

"I don't know. I like asking you what moisturiser to use, and… what nightgown to wear. I like having you there to help me out of my bracelets and necklaces." 

"An attendant can be sent up–" 

You groan wearily. "No, it's not like that, James." You pull back just enough to see his face. You're pouting, annoyed at yourself for messing it up. "This isn't as easy to say as I'd thought. I like having you with me because it's you. And it's an excuse." 

"For what?" he asks. 

Your heart hammers in your chest. You can feel it, your heart the hammer, your chest a thin piece of metal. It's thumping. You wouldn't be surprised if James could feel it too.

"Can I do something? Just this once. And if you hate it I'll never do it again. Please." 

He looks at you for long, crawling seconds. You worry he's seen straight into your head and he's unhappy with you, but he tips his head in toward yours, your foreheads a mere inch away, and says, "Alright. I trust you. Do what you want to do." 

You breathe in. You pull back your hands, leaning against the circle of his arms. Terrified, you lift your hands to his cheeks, force them trembling into the softness of his skin to hold him still. 

You lean in, and you kiss him. Shy of his lips, the slope of skin beneath them and to the left. You're too scared to go any higher. 

He makes a sound you've never heard from him before. It doesn't make it past his lips, but you're so close you hear it loud and clear. A catching breath. A smothered groan. 

You hide your face in his shoulder. 

"Princess?" he says quietly. 

"Yeah?" 

"I want you to do it again. Please."

"Maybe tomorrow," you murmur. 

He rubs your back. "Alright. I can't wait 'til tomorrow." 

[orangesaek]

phone or video sex with mark please? where he’s been on tour and calls reader when he misses her

hi! thank you so much your request 💚 i hope you see this and tell me if you enjoyed it as much as i made it ♡ this was honestly a bit challenging to write — it's so difficult to keep myself from feeling so turned on by kinky mark 🥹

genre: smut, a little bit of fluff

pairings: mark x female reader

word count: 1.7k

warnings: mentions of: porn, sex, masturbating, fingering, cum, kinky stuff, cussing, horny couple lol

a/n: lowercase intended, slightly proofread. also, i'm not adding "fluff" in the tags since this is 98% smut lol

⚠️ MINORS, PLEASE SCROLL AWAY! ⚠️

mark kept tossing and turning in his hotel bed, feeling quite relieved that he and jaehyun were sleeping on separate beds. otherwise, he would have definitely woken the latter up already from his restlessness.

it had already been 2 weeks since the group started their world tour, and they still have a few stops left for the month.

and that means it had already been 2 weeks since the last time you and mark had sex, which also means that he hasn't touched himself since then.

mark never thought he would become addicted to sex until the two of you started dating.

you were just so amazing in bed to the point he stopped relying on porn to jack off, and just imagines fucking the life out of you to do the trick.

he was just blankly staring at the ceiling before he raised his left arm to check the time on his watch. mark heaved a deep sigh after realizing that he only had a few hours left to sleep before they need to wake up for the rehearsals.

"she might be in the middle of work right now..." he mumbled to himself, staring at the ceiling again. this was definitely one of those nights he missed your touch the most.

ever since the two of you started dating, mark has come to love the kinkier side of sex. sure, he enjoyed the slow, more intimate kind, but he has come to enjoy the hard fucks more, bdsm, the quickies, and a lot more — all because of you.

mark dimmed the table lamp and grabbed his phone from the bedside, thinking he could just watch porn at this point instead of disturbing you at work.

he looked over at jaehyun, whose back was facing him before opening his phone's browser in incognito and typed in his favorite go-to porn site. mark heaved another sigh after scrolling through pages of videos, trying to find something to jack off to but failing. nothing really caught his eye enough to get a boner.

mark closed his browser and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. thinking naughty things about you might help him get off, but it had been 2 weeks since he has seen and touched your body that he just felt the absolute need to actually see it again.

"i guess i can try..." he quietly said to himself again before opening your chat thread and quickly sending a 'hey sexy. i miss you sooo so bad :('.

mark closed his eyes, phone held tightly on his chest as he anxiously waited for your reply.

not even a minute later, a buzz on his phone signalled a new text. mark hastily opened the notification before smiling to himself, biting his lower lip in the process.

"hey pretty boy ;) i miss you, too :* but why are you still up?" you replied before sending a follow-up message, "isn't it, like, 2 a.m. over there?"

"yeah, can't sleep, baby :( i wish you were here :(" mark replied almost immediately, a follow-up message coming right after, "are you busy at work right now?"

a smirk fell on your lips after reading mark's follow-up message. you definitely knew what he wanted at that moment, as it wasn't the first time he has texted you like this when he was on tour (and when he was supposed to be sleeping).

mark's heart started beating faster in excitement after reading your reply, "i got you, baby ;* will call you in 10 minutes 👅"

he jumped out of his bed and dashed to the bathroom, quickly locking the door and making his way to the large bathtub. he got inside it and patiently waited for your call.

after sending your reply, you excused yourself from the ongoing seminar, informing your manager that you just had a really bad stomachache and will be heading to the infirmary for some medicine.

of course, that was all a lie.

as soon as you stepped out of the conference room, you ran as fast as you could to the elevator and went down to the parking lot. you got into the back seat of your car, quickly stripping off your clothes and your underwear.

the frequent car sex you had with mark was the reason why you have decided to invest in a really good dark tint for your car.

"hey, pretty boy," you greeted on the other line as soon as he picked up, voice already sounding so seductive for him. he bit his lower lip in a smirk and chuckled lowly, feeling the tingling sensation down his cock.

"hi, sexy." he said. "how are you?"

"not really feeling all too well... i want to see you,"

mark quickly requested for a video call with you, fixing his hair a little bit as he waited for you to accept it.

you quickly secured your phone on your car's phone holder before accepting his video call request.

"holy shit!" mark blurted in surprise as soon as you came into view. you were seated at the backseat, completely naked.

"you like what you see, baby?" you purred, cupping one of your breasts in one hand before playing with your nipple and dangling both of your legs on the sides of the seats infront, allowing mark to see the thing he's been craving for the past 2 weeks — your pussy.

mark could only gulp in response, feeling his boner growing by the second.

"let me see you, babe." you said, letting out a quiet moan as you used your free hand to lightly massage your clit.

"m-mark... baby..." you moaned in pleasure. "feels so... good..."

"fuck," mark grunted, positioning his phone in front of him and letting it lean on the bathroom tiles for support. he then shimmied out of his boxers in a hurry, with his hard cock springing out in full view.

you let out a gasp at the view of his big, hard cock. oh how you've missed it so much.

"fuck, baby. i want to suck your cock so bad right now," you moaned, still touching your now-wet pussy.

"oh yeah?" mark said, lips slightly parted as he started pumping his cock slowly, his eyes focused on your body. "i miss seeing you choke on my cock, baby."

"f-fuck," you moaned some more, turned on by the memory of deepthroating mark and how he would hold onto your hair to fuck your mouth until he cums.

"suck your nipple for me, angel." mark said. he let out a moan, increasing his pace as soon as you cupped your other breast higher and brought it to your mouth, licking and sucking on your nipple.

"fuck," he growls. "you're so hot."

you stopped playing with your nipple and used both of your hands to part the lips of your pussy, letting mark see its pink flesh. mark moaned again in pleasure, remembering how he'd hungrily eat it and how addicting its taste was for him.

"two... fingers..." mark said breathlessly as he pumped even faster, his eyes focused hazily on your pussy.

you adjusted yourself for mark to get a better view of you before placing two fingers on your clit, lightly massaging it, and the other two at the entrance.

"lift your shirt, baby. i want to see your nipples," you said, biting your bottom lip at the pleasure from your clit. hearing mark moan whenever you'd lick, suck and softly bite on his nipples was one of the things that turned you on, and for mark, it was one of things he never thought he would find so hot for a girl to do.

mark took off his shirt and threw it somewhere in the bathroom before spitting in his hand and pumping his hard cock again. you licked your lips at the sight of mark's fully naked body.

still massaging your clit, you licked your other hand's middle and ring finger and sucked on them seductively, moaning in the process.

"ahhh, fuck," mark groaned as his head lolled back in pleasure.

you let out a long moan as soon as you inserted your fingers into your pussy, slowly pumping it in and out, and massaging your clit at the same time.

"fuck, fuck," mark hissed, pumping faster, eyes rolling at the back of his head.

"hmm," you moaned, feeling so turned on by mark's reaction. you pumped your fingers in and out faster, now aggressively rubbing your clit.

"babe... your c-cock..." you said in between breaths, feeling your juice dripping. "want... it..."

"fuck, babe..." mark let out another groan, feeling another tingling sensation in his cock. "i-i'm g-gonna... cum..."

having been with mark for a while now, you have come to learn the things that drove him crazy in bed. and one of those things is when you would suck on your nipple as you fingered your pussy, which was exactly what you did at that moment.

"shit, i'm cumm—fuck!" mark grunted as he pumped even faster, his head lolled back again and eyes closed tigtly as he heard you moaning loudly on the call.

"m-mark... fuck, i'm cumming!" you said, your own eyes closed as you quickened your pace and pinched your nipple hard, the sensation driving you crazy.

"fuckfuckfuckfuc—shit!" mark hissed when he finally reached his high, his cum dripping all over his beaten cock. he heard you moaning quietly and chuckled tiredly.

"did you cum, babe?" he asked, panting. you could only hum in response, still catching your breath.

"i love you so much, baby," he said. "i love you, and i miss you so much."

you chuckled in response before giving him a tired smile, "i love you, too, mark. so, so much. and i miss you."

after catching up for a bit (while quickly putting on your clothes again and fixing yourself, mark did the same and cleaned the tub), the two of you ended the call with a promise from mark that he'll take you out on a fun date once he comes home from tour.

mark jumped up in suprise as soon as he opened the door to the bathroom, his face drained of color.

"i just hope there's no residue on the tub, bro." jaehyun said as he patted mark's shoulder with a knowing grin on his face before walking past him into the bathroom.

- end.

requests are OPEN! feel free to send in an ask ♡

oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! i wish for whatever everyone's been manifesting to fall into place this year ✨️

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

A Twist of Fate - The End**

IT'S FINALLY DONE! I hope you guys like this final part of the A Twist of Fate series

Warnings: mentions of drug and alcohol, mental health/therapy themes, coming out as poly conversation, fingering, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex.

WC: 25.5K

There's a playlist for this one!

When you woke up the following morning your head hurt and your body felt sore. You knew you were dancing a lot and moving in ways that your body was not accustomed to. Moreover, you were reminded of why you’d decided to stop drinking when you went out. You laid in bed in silence for several minutes, recapping all of the events from the party, and your stomach turned again as you envisioned the disillusioned look in Taylor’s eyes when she saw you coming into the bathroom.

She wasn’t mean or rude to you in any way, but a lot things flashed through your mind that made you react the way you had. The song a few months ago, the momentary lapse in your character that made you judge her when she and Harry were on vacation, and the kiss. You genuinely hadn’t felt all that bad about the kiss with Harry before, it had been a lapse in judgement, a mistake… that was until you were standing in front of her. You remembered how much you’d been fantasizing about kissing him again and apparently he felt the same way. It just felt like too many things to hold in, so they came out however they could. You were dying to apologize for ruining their evening, but you knew that speaking to either of them would cause more harm than good.

Your phone dinging with a text made you exhale. So you got a good stretch in, hearing a couple little cracks as you reached your limit and held it before relaxing and sitting up. You opened your phone and smiled when you saw Ricky’s text.

Ricky:

Hey:) Did you make it out alive? 

You had been seeing Ricky casually. It was quite an unexpected but almost obvious pairing. You’d spent a lot of time together now that you were back in the studio and you had also developed a friendship after working together for a couple years now. But after helping his sister out is when you starting hanging out more. One night when he was dropping you off after you guys had seen Provoker you just had this tense moment and he kissed you and you kissed back and well, now you’d been hooking up for a little over a month. 

Y/N: 

I did! Barely, but still haha

Ricky: 

But still:) When are you back?

Y/N:

Tuesday morning. Why…?

Ricky:

We should do something.

Y/N:

Yeah, that sounds nice. Maybe we can go to Venice? Grab some brunch and get high on the beach.

Ricky:

I think I might have to break our no romantic feelings rule over that.

You giggled as you read his reply and before you could respond a few knocks on the door startled you.

“Come in!” You called out.

“You’re up already?” Caitlyn asked with a smile and you nodded as she came over and climbed into the empty side of the bed. “How’d you sleep?”

“I should be asking you. The couch wasn’t too bad?” 

“It was alright. Better than being the audience to your tears all night.” She teased and you chuckled.

“Well, I didn’t really cry last night any more. I think it was just all really overwhelming in the moment.” You said and she nodded.

“Good. So you’re feeling OK? No bad crash?” She asked and you shook your head.

“I mean, I do feel a little down, but I don’t think it has anything to do with the molly…” you said and she hummed. “I’m just not happy with-” you paused and turned your attention back to you phone when it dinged in your hands and saw Ricky’s message.

Ricky:

I’m sorry. Did I make it weird?

Y/N:

No, not at all! Sorry, Cait just came in to check on me:)

Ricky:

Okay, thank fuck haha

Ricky:

Well I’ll let you go, I actually have to work out now so…

Y/N:

Stoooop, you do not lol It’s the worst, so I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t.

Ricky:

Okay. I’ll just pretend not to know anything about your track history lol

Y/N:

Yeah, do that. I’ll text you later:)

Ricky:

Sounds good! 

“Look at you, all smiley after you said you’re a little down…” Caitlyn pointed out and you chuckled.

“It’s just Ricky.” You explained.

“Ah, still riding that…hmmm.” she hummed and you chuckled.

“God, so crass…” 

“I know.” She grinned and then your smile dropped as you recalled the previous topic at hand.

“I just feel really bad for yesterday. I hope I didn’t cause too big of a fuss with Harry and Taylor. I’m sure my reaction made me seem guilty of what she assumed.” You sighed, already overthinking it all over again. You’d replayed the scenario over and over at least a solid thousand times in the shower last night.

“Oh, they’ll be fine.” Caitlyn scoffed through a laugh, “You did the right thing in trying to avoid him. Who cares what she took the whole puking thing as. Hopefully she is able to believe Harry that you weren’t together and if she doesn’t well, that’s her issue, not yours.” She advised and you nodded.

“Right.” You smiled a bit.

“Well, what should we do today? Have breakfast and go for a little walk? Help wear off any hangover symptoms?”

“Yeah, that actually sounds good.”

“OK.” She smiled and got out of the bed, “I should shower first. S’gonna be a long one after the night we had.” She mumbled and you nodded.

“Oh yeah, please. Take your time.” You insisted.

**************

HARRY’S POV:

Harry hardly slept a wink. He hadn’t been able to reach anyone to stay with at the last minute and all the hotels he knew he could safely stay at were booked out, so he stayed on the couch in the suite. The couch was far too firm for his liking, but he still laid down there and just thought. He thought and thought for hours and hours if all of this had been worth it. He didn’t have Taylor and he didn’t have you. He felt heartbroken but he knew that this was the best outcome. He clearly couldn’t make up for the past, at least not in Taylor’s eyes. And it was better that they end things than for him to keep trying to meet an impossible expectation. Taylor wanted him to stop loving you, it was genuinely an impossible request. And settling deep in some crevice somewhere beneath all the hurt he recognized the feeling of relief. 

He tried his best to figure out what the relief was about, but he kept coming back to the same thing, he was relieved that the relationship was over. He felt wrong for having that thought. It was uncomfortable to have that knowledge and to just sit with it. But he processed through the discomfort and soon concluded that just how Taylor said she didn’t like herself anymore, neither did he. He was afraid to say or do the wrong thing and then be back in a weird limbo thing where she’d leave his place for a few days to clear her head and then come back a few days later with another condition he needed to meet to make things “work”. She was never unreasonable, but he was tired. He felt like he was fighting against who he was and he hated it. His mum always told him that he should be with someone who loves and accepts who he is and that he shouldn’t have to change fundamental parts of himself for the sake of making someone else happy.

He checked the time, it was only 7am and he dreaded being an early riser right now when he needed the rest. He just lay there quietly for a while, he could hear her moving around in the bedroom, she was probably packing up, their flight left that night. He had no idea what her plans were. Eventually, he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted a shower so he sat up and stretched his arms back behind his head and arched his back up, the low crack of his back releasing its tension made him hum before he stood. He knocked at the door gently with his index finger.

“Yeah?”

“I need a wee. And a shower.” He said. Moments later the lock clicked and she opened the door.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.” He murmured.

“You alright?” She asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” He said, “And you?”

“Good too. I don’t…regret it. Or take it back if that’s what you’re asking.” She said and he nodded, “Ummm, well go ahead and get in there.” She said.

“Tay?”

“Yeah?” She asked, eyes meeting his.

“We should talk logistics after. Don’t scamper off, alright?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, ummm, should I order up?”

“Yeah, I’ll have whatever you have.”

“Kay.” She hummed.

When Harry got out their breakfast was being delivered. So he got dressed quickly and then headed out to the little table out in the lounging area of their suite. The spread looked good and he soon sat down and started eating. It was tense and quiet for a bit before he spoke up.

“So ummm…are you going to come back to London with me or take some time away?” He asked.

“Ummm, I think I’m gonna stay here. Just ummm…get a bit of space.”

“Yeah, that’s alright. Ummm, obviously, I can take care of this for you-”

“No, it’s alright. I mean…I broke up with you, if anything I should pay for you and…soothe your broken heart.” She said with a small smile and he chuckled.

“I might not seem like it but I am upset. It just doesn’t feel real yet.” He explained and she offered a tight-lipped smiled.

“It’s alright, I know what you mean.” She mumbled before they ate a bit more. “So ummm, are you gonna go after her? Y/N?”

“Ummm, we had this deal where we’d see where fate led us, so no.” he said and she sighed.

“All that for you not to go after what you really want?”

“It’s not like that. I really wanted things to work with you too, like I love you and I care about you-”

“Sure, but the whole time you’ve loved her. So you should go be with her.” She said, as if it were the obvious next move. He still didn’t think that she was fully understanding what was really going on inside of him.

“I mean, it’s not that simple…” 

“Sure it is, Harry.” She sighed, “You’ve been pining after her all these years. I mean, I know that things didn’t work out how you wanted the first time and that letting go really hurt you. But I think you’ve been running from what you really want for long enough, H. I know you’re scared that you’ll put yourself out there and it won’t work again, but you have to take the risk.”

“I will, just…when the time is right.” He said and she nodded.

After she packed the last of her things she headed off to somewhere he didn’t know and that was that.

****************

You had just finished breakfast and Caitlyn had just hopped in the shower and you were trying to figure out what to wear out. You had two options laid out on the bed when Caitlyn’s phone started ringing from the bedside table and you hurried over and froze as you saw “Harry Styles, mobile” displayed on the glass screen. There was a wacky picture of him making a funny, irritated face in the background. It made you smile for a moment before you wondered why he’d be calling. Maybe something was wrong? You decided to deal with the consequences later and just answer it. 

“Hello?” You greeted tentatively. Your voice faded into a breathless whisper by the second syllable of the word as the uncertainty of your decision grew.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost in disbelief and you nodded and then remembered you weren’t in front of him and inhaled sharply.

“Yeah, it’s me.” You responded and smiled when you heard him sigh in relief and then chuckle.

“Hi!” He greeted cheerfully.

“Hi.” You laughed breathily and then waited for his response.

“Ummm, I was only calling to check on you actually.” He said.

“Oh, that’s sweet of you.”

“Well, I heard through the grapevine that you got a little sick.” He chuckled and you giggled.

“Yeah, that happened…” you said and he hummed, “I’m alright, I just got overwhelmed because I was drinking and also I…did drugs. I don’t think I would’ve had such a theatrical reaction otherwise.” You explained.

“Well either way, I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thank you. And how are you? I was worried that I maybe… caused some…tension between you and Taylor last night.” You said carefully.

“Yeah, I’m…alright.” He said, face twisted up a bit awkwardly.

“Why did you say it weird?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Did I?”

“I know you…” you said knowingly and he smiled to himself.

“I’m just so happy to hear your voice again. I missed the sound.” He expressed and you felt your cheeks getting all warm as you blushed.

“I’ve missed you too. A lot.” You responded. “So, how are you? Really.” You asked again. Harry was great at deflecting. But if something was wrong with them and you had unintentionally caused it, then the least you could do was talk it out with him.

“I swear, I am fine, but ummm…Taylor actually…broke up with me.” He said and you gasped audibly.

“Oh my god…” you sighed regretfully, already feeling awful and guilty for their demise, “I’m so sorry, H. So truly sorry. Are you sure you’re alright?” You asked and he sighed, “Was it because of me?” You asked next, your voice was small and quiet.

“Oh no, get that out of your head. Not at all.” He responded immediately, “It wasn’t you. This was all me…” he said and you sighed, “But I promise I’m good. Well at least right now I am…” he said.

“Well, when you don’t feel good you can call me, you know?” You said and he chuckled.

“Actually I can’t…I haven’t got your number any more.” He confessed and you scoffed.

“Oh…Okay…” you hummed in playful offense.

“I assure you it wasn’t my idea.” He added with a chuckle, “But I mean, deleting it didn’t really do what it was intended to, which was get me to forget about you, so…” He chuckled.

“I mean…” you hummed and giggled.

“Well ummm…I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thanks. When are you heading home?”

“Tonight. I leave at 10.”

“Oh ummm…if you wanted some company we’re gonna go for a walk in the park?” You offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah, H.”

“Yeah, I’d love to come. Ummm, I’m staying at The Mark, so right near the park.”

“Oh, we’re at the Carlyle! Just down the street from you. We can walk over and meet you in the lobby?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Text me when you guys are walking over.”

“Will do.” You smiled.

“Alright, see you later. Bye.”

“Bye.”

When Caitlyn came out of the shower you immediately told her what you’d done and that Harry and Taylor had broken up. She was completely shocked that something as seemingly insignificant as running into you in the bathroom had been the thing that pushed Taylor over the edge.

“Wow…”

“I know. He said it wasn’t my fault but…I mean it all goes to shit after I had a wee run in with Taylor in the bathroom?”

“Yeah…I just can’t believe that is what broke the camel’s back. Like, it must’ve been quite bad between them if that’s all it took, you know?”

“Yeah…like I feel like it’s kind of my fault, but I also know I didn’t do anything, you know? But God, just seeing the joy drain from her face when she realized it was me…that sucked.”

“I can imagine. But hey, now you’re both single, maybe you guys can try again now.”

“Maybe…but he really loved her so I think he will need some time to get past this.”

“Just don’t wait too long. With both of you griping at me I don’t know what to do anymore.” She chuckled and you smiled.

“Yeah…”

***************

You and Caitlyn were waiting in the lobby at The Mark and after a few minutes Harry was wandering down looking cozy in a hoodie and some workout shorts. He smiled and waved when he saw you guys. You and Caitlyn waved back as he came closer.

“Hiya.” He said lowly as he hugged Caitlyn.

“Hey.” She hummed and then they pulled back.

“Hi.” He said more timidly as he stepped over to you and hugged you into his body. You relaxed in his hold and sighed in relief.

“Hi. It’s so good to see you.” You smiled as you pulled back.

“You too.” He grinned, “Umm, shall we?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Caitlyn agreed.

You were all chatting, recounting your adventures from the MET as you made your walk through the park. Then, Caitlyn would take you guys to a coffee shop she really liked. It was relaxed, though as you got deeper through the park a couple of people did notice you guys and two girls started following you guys for a bit until you were veering too far from their path. You were all linked arms and skipping as you playfully sung the “We’re Off to See the Wizard” song from “The Wizard of Oz” through your laughter.

“Okay friends, ready for a little caffeine boost?” Caitlyn asked.

“Definitely.” Harry chuckled and then you guys started heading back. 

While waiting in line at the coffee shop and chatting with Caitlyn about what you guys should try, you and Harry had to respectfully decline getting pictures and videos with fans to avoid making a huge fuss. But nevertheless, it was obvious that people were recording from afar or taking pictures without your consent. He didn’t seem as nervous or fearful about it as he did when you two dated, so at least there was that. He felt far more confident and comfortable declining these requests now. Before he felt a little bit obligated, as did you, because if it weren’t for these people’s support you wouldn’t be where you were. 

You did a lot of work on boundaries in therapy and now you thought of it as being on and off the clock. If you were at an event or on a stage or out in public repping a certain brand or product even if you were with friends then you were “on the clock”. But if you were just hanging out with your friends, running errands, going about your day…then you considered yourself to be “off the clock” and during these moments, depending on where you were or who you were with, you might accept or decline the requests fans made of you. Now, after what Harry had been dealing with since the night (or early morning technically) you didn’t really want anyone getting too close and you could see the gratitude in his eyes when you turned away yet another fan who was gazing between the two of you and deciding that you might be the easiest target. 

“You’ve gotten really good at this.” Harry hummed lowly as he leaned closer to you and you giggled as his lips slightly tickled your ear.

“Thanks. Therapy.” You said as you glanced up at him and he hummed.

“Not cause of me, right?” He asked quietly.

“Not primarily, but you came up.” You confirmed and he smiled.

“I talked about you too. A lot.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“All good things I hope…”

“Oh yeah…definitely.” He said sarcastically and you laughed and you moved to elbow him playfully but he caught your arm first and just pulled your body in front of his. “Had to overpower you to prevent any violence.” He said quietly and you laughed and tossed your head back to rest on his shoulder and he glanced down at you.

“You have boogies.” You grinned as you informed him quietly and he furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed.

“No I don’t.” He sniffled and ran his finger under his nose just in case and you laughed and turned around to face him again now that his dominant hand was occupied. “Do I really?” He asked you quietly and you sniggered and shook your head.

“No, just messing with you.” You assured him as you laughed and he rolled his eyes before suddenly grabbing your arms and pulling you in and then pulling your arms around his torso.

“Hug me.” He requested softly and you swore the entire world stopped just then and you smiled as you leaned into him and hugged him tight before he squeezed around your waist and exhaled. You gently scratched over the expanse of his back for a few moments, “Now when I google us this’ll come up.” He said softly.

“Hmmm, very clever.” You smiled, “Love it.” You decided and he chuckled.

“Okay, stop flirting and decide on your drinks, we’re next in line.” Caitlyn said.

“Ready?” You asked softly.

“No.” Harry mumbled, “But do it. Just do it.” You sighed and let go of him and you looked up at him with a gentle smile as you rubbed over his shoulder.

“Oh, I missed you.” You said and he grinned and you turned around as you heard Caitlyn start ordering her drink.

“Please don’t check ‘em out, I’ve got them covered.” Harry called to the cashier who nodded and smiled at him. Soon after you were all corned up near the pick up counter chatting, including Caitlyn in it a lot more now that you and Harry had been able to just relish in each other’s company for a little bit.

“Order for Harry!” The barista called and Harry walked up and grabbed the drinks, smiling at the barista and mumbling a thanks before going the few steps over to you guys and handing over your drinks. 

Caitlyn had gotten a matcha latte while you and Harry opted for plain cold brews. Once again, you guys took off but this time back to your hotels with your drinks in hand to beat the warmth of the day. You guys were talking about your favorite looks of the night as you made the walk back and when you were down the street he turned to you guys.

“Ummm, would you guys want to come up for a bit? I don’t have to leave until 8 from here?” He asked, “We could have dinner?” He asked you two and Caitlyn shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m down.” She smiled and you turned to Harry and nodded in agreement. 

After being seen leaving earlier, there were people waiting around for him outside the hotel but you guys rushed in quickly and then headed up to his suite. You headed off to the bathroom while Caitlyn and Harry picked something to watch. You looked yourself over in the mirror and you were glad that you looked alright, you felt a little weird from your slight hangover still, bit you were glad you didn’t look dead. When you opened up the door Caitlyn was sitting on the bed waiting for you to get out so she could go in.

“S’all yours.” You smiled as you stepped out.

“Behave.” She admonished and you giggled and headed back out to the little “living room” area to see Harry still scrolling through the channels on the TV with a little furrow in his brow and a slight squint to his eyes and you smiled.

“Where are you glasses?”

“I lost ‘em a bit ago.” He said glancing over to you before you plopped down beside him.

“Oh H…”

“I know. Haven’t been able to secure an appointment.” He said and you hummed. 

“You feeling OK though?” You asked more seriously and he nodded.

“Yeah…like it sucks, but you guys are good company. I’m sure I’ll feel it when I’m on my own though.”

“Well I think that’s great, H.” You said and he looked at you a bit perplexed, “I mean that you have to feel this out. I know that you really love her and that this can’t be easy for you, so you have to sit with it a bit and just go through the motions of it all.” You explained.

“And what about us? Didn’t we agree that-”

“Technically you said a few years from now…” you said with a soft smile.

“Well I’ll be 30-something by then…”

“So will I…” you shrugged and he smiled a bit sadly.

“Have you…changed your mind?” He asked you cautiously. He was trying not to look broken up about it, but you knew him well and you could see the fear and concern in his eyes.

“I’m not saying that. I’m saying you need to be single for a little bit. More than two months.” You said and he chuckled, “Seriously Harry, when we ended you had a new girlfriend a few months later. And then when that ended you were suddenly with Taylor, no?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah, I did kinda rush into this last few more than usual…it just felt really right at the time and we vibed well. I knew I’d be off for a bit so it felt like good time to try.” He explained with a shrug. “Taylor actually started talking to me before I was single, so we were friends for a bit so it’s not like I just dated someone I hardly knew.” He defended and you giggled along with him.

“Yeah, I joke a bit. But I mean, as long as you don’t regret the time you’ve spent and as long as you’ve learned and grown from these people and your relationships with them I think that’s great. But I think we both know that filling the void is simply a bandaid.” You explained.

“I know…” he sighed, “I really am just so scared of being alone.”

“Well H, you’re never going to be alone. I’m here whenever you need anything.” You assured and he glanced to you with a smile, “I know that maybe it was just…scary to talk and be around each other before, but I mean once we did see each other it didn’t…hurt. Not at all. It actually brought me…relief that…nothing had really changed between us.” You said to him and he hummed and nodded.

“Yeah.” He smiled, “You know I was genuinely dreading the day I’d run into you. I think I also thought it would be painful or feel like defeat or failure… it did fuck me up a bit but in a good way.” He assured and you chuckled.

“Yeah, same…” you smiled, “Well, all that to say that I love you, a lot! And I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens with us. I don’t want us to be estranged ever again. Got it?”

“Yeah.” He nodded with a relieved smile, “You know, I think you’re right though…”

“Of course I am.” You said, “About what?” He chuckled.

“That I need to just take a little bit of time to really just get through this and then we can think of everything else.”

“Right.” You smiled. 

You guys fell silent for a bit and then you heard that Caitlyn was actually on the phone in the bedroom. When you glanced back there the door was nearly closed all the way and you sighed as you glanced down at your hands.

“How about you? How’ve you been?” He asked.

“Good.” You nodded, “I mean, Seb was relentless for a bit, but a few weeks ago he just stopped trying to win me back. I mean, I don’t think what he wants is awful, but I don’t see myself changing that much of myself just to fit the kind of person he wants.”

“Yeah.” Harry nodded in understanding. “Like I don’t think that’s a bad thing either, but it’s just the way he expects it to rest on you that’s a little…antiquated.” He chuckled and you nodded.

“Right, like don’t tell it to me like it’s my job because I’m a female. That’s where it really upset me. Like if you have a life together and you share a home and have a family it’s both of yours to look after!”

“I agree.” He chuckled, “You know, I still don’t know how to change a tire.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“I don’t think you’ll ever need to know anyway.” You teased and he sniggered. He repositioned himself so that he was facing you now and you glanced over at him. “What?” You questioned and he smiled.

“I’m really happy that you’re here.” He said softly.

“Me too.” You assured and then he pulled you into his arms and hugged you tight. He sighed in relief as he rested his cheek over the top of your head. As you exhaled your body melted into his even more until he just left himself fall back against the arm of the couch.

“You know, when we were together, I genuinely thought you were the best person I’d ever met. And like even now, it’s like you’re still the same person but just elevated, if that makes sense?” He asked and you hummed, “I want to experience you as you are now. I really love what I’ve seen. Your self control, your patience, and your self awareness, I really enjoy seeing you this way. I think when we were younger you kind of…looked to me a lot to gauge how you should feel about things…like not that you were just agreeing with me, but that my views and perception of things mattered a lot and influenced yours a lot.” He explained and you hummed.

“Yeah, that’s very true. I think you just had so much more experience in the world and I agreed with mostly everything you cared about and so I definitely tried to learn things from you and let those things influence me a lot.” 

“Well not anymore…” he smiled, “I mean, I think values-wise we’ll always be on the same page, but now you’ve grown into it on your own. Like, you took all this time to just look after yourself and understand yourself and I’m just so proud of who you’ve become. And I want to…get to that point. I want to get to a point where you are proud of me.” He said.

“Oh, I am!” You said as you set up and turned to face him again, “I think you’ve come such a long way, H. And I think you know who you are now and it’s so refreshing to see it. I think you’ve overcome your need to people please and also your fear of what people think of you and what you do. Before, the way you were perceived was almost the most important thing to you.”

“Yeah.” He agreed.

“Like over the last couple years, seeing you out and about with your friends, your partners, or whatever it be, I mean, I love it! You’ve started choosing the things and people that make you happy regardless of what other people think and I love that for you so, so much. I’ve just always wanted for you to feel happy with yourself.” You said as you reached for and then squeezed his hand in yours. He glanced down at it and smiled.

“I do, I really do.” He assured you. “You know, I just can’t help but get excited when I think about how things will be with us when we try again. It’s going to be so good…we’ve both grown up so much and really taken care of ourselves. I think I might have a bit of catching up to do with you…” he chuckled, “But I’m going to work hard at it for myself and for us too.” He said and you smiled.

“Well just know that I’ve loved every version of you so far because you’ve always been good to me. But it’s really important to me that you feel happy with yourself and clearly that’s something you’re getting more and more in tune with and it’s very beautiful to witness.” You said.

“Ummm, thank you.” He said with a timid smile as you ran your thumb over his knuckles.

“Yeah, of course.” You replied. And before anything more could happen Caitlyn came out of the bedroom and let out an exasperated sigh. “Is everything alright?” You asked her as you both watched her come around.

“A writing session got moved up for a show I’m working on and I’ll need to be back in LA tomorrow afternoon.” She groaned as she plopped down on the couch. “I found a flight, a red eye though.” She said and you hummed.

“Well I’ll go back too, don’t want to be here by myself.” You said and she nodded.

“OK, let me get them then.”

“OK, I’ll Zelle you right now, just let me know how much they are.” You said and she nodded.

“We need to pack.”

“Yeah…” you sighed.

“You guys can go if you want. Please don’t feel obligated to hang around here.” Harry said.

“What if we help you finish your packing and then you can come with us and we can pack while we have dinner and then you go from there?” Caitlyn suggested.

“Ummm yeah, I’d love that actually.” He said.

“Settled then.” You smiled at him and he returned a brighter smile, “Let’s do it!” You said and he guided you guys to the bedroom and got his things together. 

He only had a carry on as he was only there for a few days so this didn’t take too long. You guys ordered an Uber while Harry checked out and then you all headed back to your hotel. Caitlyn did her own packing as she didn’t want Harry seeing her intimates and such, so he stuck to helping you. Not that he had seen any of your new stuff, but at least he’d been in that position before. Since you guys were going to be there for a week total you guys unpacked your things into the dressers and closet, so currently all your things were laid out on the floor while Caitlyn’s were on the large bed you had shared over the last several days.

“So you guys shared?” Harry asked as he folded up some of your jeans.

“Yep. Though I don’t think we will ever again-”

“Oh my god…I shoved you one night.” Caitlyn said as you started to laugh and Harry did too.

“One night’s enough trauma.” You said and she scoffed.

“Do you kick?” Harry asked.

“No, I think I maybe had a very vivid dream because I’m usually a very still.” She explained, “Though you are a cuddler. Maybe I was trying to get away from you.” She said to you and you giggled.

“Maybe…it’s just when I sleep in unfamiliar spaces.” You explained and Harry smiled at you.

“Still? With how much you’re on the road for tours and shit?” He asked and you shrugged, “S’cute.” He assured you softly as he continued folding one of your tops.

“It’s not.” Caitlyn said to you with a grin and you just stuck your tongue out at her and she chuckled.

After a bit you guys ordered in some grilled cheese sandwiches because it’s just a lovely comfort food. With Harry there and some stimulating conversation you guys finished packing quite fast, but now you had to go down to reception and sort out the early check out. Harry offered to go with you but you assured him it was fine, you didn’t want him to get flocked in the lobby and then you hurried out promising to be back soon.

“So…what’s up with you two?” Caitlyn asked Harry when you left.

“She wants me to stay single for a while and properly move past this. I mean, she��s right of course, but it’s just something I struggle with.” He admitted, “But she said I can count on her if I need anything.” He said of you.

“Yeah, of course. And me too! You have so many friends out in LA who would more than gladly lend an ear since we don’t see you as much anymore.” She explained and he smiled.

“Well thank you. I will definitely take advantage of that. And like…I do want to work on myself a bit more…maybe I can head out there for a bit and get some face time with my therapist. We talk on the phone or do virtual stuff sometimes, but I think I could use some in person intensive work. We haven’t spoken in maybe…close to a year.” He explained with a chuckle.

“Well yeah, if it’ll be beneficial to you, do it.” She encouraged him.

“Ummm, I hate to do this to you but ummm…I saw Y/N texting someone quite a bit while we were down here…is she seeing someone?” He asked, “Or maybe I should just ask her…yeah, I’ll just ask her.” He said instead and Caitlyn chuckled.

“Alright.” She smiled. Shortly after you came back into the room and told Caitlyn everything was good to go for your earlier departure. “Excellent.” She said to you, “Well, now that we’re all packed I’m going to smoke my joint on the balcony, I want this to be the greatest grilled cheese I’ve eaten in a long time.” She said as she stood from the bed and stretched. “Do you guys want some?” She asked glancing to them and then giving Harry a knowing glance.

“No, I’m alright.” Harry said.

“Same.” You assured her and she smiled and then made her way out of the bedroom and into the common area of your shared suite and after a few moments you guys heard the door shut behind her. 

“You still don’t smoke?”

“I’ve tried, I just can’t. It burns so bad.” You grimaced and he chuckled.

“S’not good for us anyway…” he said and you nodded, “Ummm…can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, of course.” You nodded and waited for him to speak up expectantly.

“That umm…the guy you keep texting? Are you- is he-”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” you said to him right away, “Well…we are…ummm, hooking up, but he’s just a friend.” You explained and he nodded.

“Oh okay. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t like…coming on so strong just for you to be…taken again.”

“I’m not the one who moves lightening fast here…” you teased and he chuckled and bit down on his lip to suppress the laughter he wanted to let out, “Come on…you know it was funny.” You pressed as you giggled.

“Yeah, real fucking funny.” He grinned and you chuckled as you stood up from the floor, “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere, just up here. I wanna pick a really funny movie because I really like it when she gets all giggly.” You explained to Harry and he laughed as he also pushed himself up off the ground and joined you on the large king bed. You glanced down at the remote with about a bajillion buttons and scoffed as you tried to find the one that would bring up the list of the scheduled programming.

“Need some help?”

“I can do it.” You assured as you pressed yet another wrong button, “Doesn’t it usually say guide?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah? Does it not?”

“No…” you hummed, “Here.” You said handing it over and he scanned over his options before just trying “menu” and hoping that would take him somewhere useful but nothing happened, “I think we’re on the menu page.” You said to him and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Should we call the front desk?”

“Oh no, that’s humiliating. I think we can just press every button until we find it.” You sniggered and he handed it back over.

“You do it then.” 

“Gladly.” You hummed and started going button by button, after a few tries you gasped and you got it. “Oh! Hooray!” You exclaimed and he just watched you light up at such a tiny thing and it made his heart flutter at just how cute you were. That’s one thing he missed so much about you. You made such a big fuss over things, truly anything was an excuse to celebrate and be joyful. He missed being around that, there truly wasn’t a victory too small for you. Harry studied your face as you looked through the channels listed on the screen. “You’re staring.” You smiled without peeling your eyes from the screen.

“I know.” He responded and you glanced over to him to find him just admiring you. “You’re just so breathtaking.” he said softly. It made your heart flutter and for your tummy to feel all tingly as his gaze raked down your face and then landed on your lips. You had to look away because you swore your throat was closing up from how nervous you were. But when his hand landed under your jaw and angled you back up to look into his eyes you swallowed thickly.

“Har…” you whispered and squeezed your eyes shut.

“No, baby. Look at me. Please.” He insisted and you blinked your eyes open to look at him again with a racing pulse as he inched closer to you. Your noses touched and you lingered near each other nervously, eyes flickering between each others as your lips skimmed together as your breaths started getting heavier. Both of you were hoping one of you would be brave enough to bite the bullet or to just break it off. But preferably to follow through with the kiss.

“Fuck it.” You whispered before surging up to properly connect your lips. The first kiss was just a quick one, a tester almost since you both just looked at each other for a moment.

“One more.” He mumbled and you nodded before he leaned back in and held your neck gently as he kissed you deeper this time. But that kiss inevitably became a string of smiley pecks as you two tried to pull away. “Just one more then.” He smiled and you laughed a bit as he kissed over your top lip and then your bottom lip before he pulled back and your eyes met again. They were both sparkling with need and before you knew it your arms were around his neck and he was settling himself over you as your head sank into the fluffy pillow beneath you . Harry’s warm smooth lips moved in a perfectly synchronized and familiar dance with your own as you kissed ardently.

You moaned as he rolled you onto your sides and his arm draped over your hip and then slid under your shirt. His fingers tickled up your bare back before his hand flattened right beneath the band of your bra and pushed you closer to him. His thigh was trapped between your legs, allowing just a bit of friction for you. Your tongues slid together before he sucked on your bottom lip and then went back in to kiss you properly. Just as things were about to get a bit more heated you heard some heavy knocks on the door along with the room service call. 

“Mmm…need to get the food.” You mumbled against his mouth.

“In a second.” He hummed before licking into you again and you shuddered and moaned into his mouth at his intensity and fell back into the languid kiss. You were buzzing with excitement as he started to peck your lips a few times before slowly retreating until finally, you were both just panting heavily as you regained your breaths. “Okay, go.” He hummed softly with a smile.

“One more.” You whispered to him and he grinned and grabbed your face before pecking over your lips several times until you were both giggling through it, no amount of kisses were enough for either of you.

“Just leave or I won’t be able to stop.” He mumbled and you laughed, tossing your head back which caused him to kiss your chin. When you straightened up again he ran his thumb down your smile line, “Mmmm, I’ve missed your laugh. And your lips, and how you taste, and how you kiss me…” he muttered between gentle smooches. “It’s just not like this with anyone else.” He mumbled and you pressed your forehead against his.

“It’s really not.” You agreed, “Okay, let me get the food. And Caitlyn.” You said and he nodded before kissing the tip of your nose and letting you go. You rolled out of the bed and then hurried to get the door to wheel in your tray of food and then you went to grab Caitlyn who was already quite stoned. “Come to bed, we’re gonna watch a movie or something.”

“Kay.” She mumbled and followed you into the bedroom as you pushed the little cart in.

Harry rolled out of the bed and grabbed his sandwich before hopping back on and then you grabbed yours and got on the bed next. Caitlyn stayed standing as she picked at the fries on her plate.

“Get on.” You giggled and she sniggered.

“Oh right, right…” she hummed and got in behind you. “What’re we watching?” She asked as she leaned against the headboard.

“Oh, we’re watching Derry Girls. This thing has Netflix.” Harry said as he searched it up.

“How convenient that you know how it works now.” You said to him as he pointed the remote at the TV.

“Oh no, I just pressed something by mistake as I adjusted myself a bit.” He chuckled, “Well m-my position! I adjusted my position.” He clarified quickly for Caitlyn’s sake.

“Oh please, I only left to give you guys a moment. The sexual tension is suffocating.” Caitlyn said before biting into her sandwich and then moaning in delight at the perfectly crisp bread and then the gooey, warm cheese. “What you two have is what I have with this sandwich right now…fuck, that’s perfect…” she sighed happily. And you just giggled as you glanced to Harry and shrugged and he smiled and then you all started eating as the show started up.

The time for Harry to go came very swiftly and before you knew it, you and Caitlyn were getting in the elevator to walk him out to meet his driver. You all chatted a bit during the ride down and finally you were heading out to the lobby.

“Ummm Cait can you be a look out for a minute?” Harry asked her and she smiled and nodded as she reached for his suitcase and Harry grabbed your hand and pulled you into the stairwell. “I just wanted to hold you for a little bit.” He said and you smiled and hugged him tight and he sighed and squeezed you.

“You’re gonna be a alright, H.” You assured him, “And if at any point you’re not, I’m here for you. Always.” You assured him and you felt him nod in understanding. “I love you. So, so much.” You reminded him.

“I love you too.” He whispered back. After a few more moments you pulled back and tiptoed before you grabbed his face gently in your hands and smiled as you pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

“One for the road.” You hummed and he smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” You assured him and then you grabbed his hand and led him back out by the elevators.

“That was quick.” Caitlyn smirked and you both rolled your eyes at her as she giggled.

“You’re a menace.” Harry said as he grabbed his bag from her hands.

“I know.” She giggled.

“Come on. Can’t keep the driver waiting.” You said and then you guys headed out. 

The night was still warm and Harry greeted his driver before getting his bag in the car. There were a few people lingering outside who were now watching the three of you considering Harry was a hard person to miss, his energy alone commanded people’s attention. 

“Well thank you both for including me today. I had a lot of fun and I missed being with you guys.” He smiled.

“I’m glad you had a good time.”, “Of course, H.” You and Caitlyn ensured.

“A group hug is in order, I think.” He said and you both smiled and huddled around him.

“Don’t be a stranger.” Caitlyn hummed as you guys pulled apart.

“I won’t.” He assured with a smile before hugging her and then he hugged you. He held you a bit longer than Caitlyn before he released you.

“Let me know when you land and make it home safe. Okay?” You smiled up at him as you rubbed his arm sweetly and he nodded before hopping in the car. You guys waved him off and then headed back up to your suite.

“You know you’re gonna go way more viral now…” Caitlyn said and you sighed.

“No, I think people will say he cheated on Taylor with me and wreak havoc on me.” You said, realistically. 

“Well, he kinda did…” Caitlyn said through a chuckle.

“Oh, shut it.” You quipped and she laughed. “Fuck…he did though.”

“It was a kiss.” 

“A kiss she doesn’t know about.” Caitlyn reminded and you nibbled on your bottom lip as you rode back up to your floor.

“Maybe asking him to join us was a mistake? I mean…he looked far too happy for just being broken up with.”

“Friend, he hadn’t been happyfor a while now and it was all to do with the path his relationship was going down. Not you.” She said emphatically, “You both kept your end of the bargain by keeping your distance and seeing what would happen in the future. It was just hard for Taylor to live with the information that he still loves you. Do you think he’s polyamorous?” She asked you.

“I don’t know…maybe?” You shrugged.

“I mean, at least when we spoke about his predicament that’s what it sounded like to me. That he loved you but that he also loved Taylor and he wanted to try and keep his feelings for you “on pause” somehow to work on his relationship with her.” She explained and you hummed. “But I think to her it was hard to come to terms that he was in love with you while simultaneously being in love with her. And I told him that it just doesn’t work for some people, they don’t see how love can be expansive like that in a committed relationship. My first ever girlfriend in college, Jen, was poly. And I thought I was okay with it, she said she could be monogamous, just her feelings continued to exist for others. She had this friend though that she loved too, it was just so obvious how they felt for each other and it sucked. It started to affect how I felt in that relationship. She never crossed a line and neither did he, but I just felt really insecure in it. I understand it so much better now, I mean I was only 19 when I dated her. But I fully understand why for Taylor it was just not possible to move forward with Harry if this is her first time in a situation like this.” She explained and you nodded. “And I mean, I think that you also need to figure out if that’s something you can live with if he is.” She said.

“Right…”

“Like I get that you guys are like each other’s person, but that doesn’t mean he can’t meet and love someone else along the way, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s true…I mean, just seeing how he was trying to accommodate things to support Taylor’s needs gives me a sense of peace. But I mean, we should definitely have a conversation about what this might look like for him in the future whenever we get back to a stage where we’ll have a relationship.”

“I agree.” Caitlyn said.

Overall, you felt good about where you were now to be back in touch with Harry if he needed you at any point. You were also extremely proud of yourself for the way you handled the situation about your future together. Of course, you would run into his arms at a moment’s notice, but he was sad and he needed to grieve the wonderful person he had lost. He did love Taylor, at least enough to put all of his effort into making up for breaking her trust. It had just happened and you really wanted to give him time to sit with the situation and work through the hard feelings you knew would come soon.

As soon as you guys landed early the next morning you, Harry, and Caitlyn were plastered all over social media per a call from your manager. She sent you a link and you looked and sure enough there were photos and videos of you three talking and skipping through central park, looking like you were having the best day of your lives. You showed Caitlyn who just mumbled a low “it is what it is” and you bit your lip.

JENNY L:

And there’s also this one…

You saw her next text and then clicked on the linked article and when it loaded you couldn’t help but snort out a laugh as you read the obscenely cheesy title of the gossip article: “STYLES CHOOSES TO SKIP OUT ON TAYLOR!” It was staring at you in big, bold red font. But your stomach twisted a bit in anxiety as you scrolled down the article recounting what witnesses had said to the tabloid. There were quotes in the same bold font saying how you guys seemed really “happy”, “cozy”, and “familiar with each other.” And of course there was a short clip of him whispering into your ear while you hugged and gently scratched at his back at the coffee shop. Also of you glancing up at him and the both of you smiling when you joked with him about having visible boogies… you smiled at the memory but you knew that what would surely come next when the both of you gave no real explanation to this. Towards the bottom of it there was one more photo, one of the only ones ever taken of you two a couple years into your relationship. You guys had been walking back to his house in London after having some lunch. It explained how it seemed that you guys had been familiar at some point and maybe you’d lost touch but were back in touch after the MET.

JENNY L:

I already have a few reporters reaching out for commentary. Please tell me you guys didn’t do something bad…

Y/N:

No, don’t worry about this. Taylor actually broke up with him after a MET after party. There was an incident, I’ll call and explain when I get home. We’re in the car service right now on our way back from LAX.

JENNY L:

For sure. 

Y/N:

I’ll also call Harry and see what his team is going to do.

JENNY L:

For now don’t. I’ll get in touch with Jeffrey and Tommy. I know they’ll want to isolate him from this as much as possible. I’ll be standing by for your phone call.

Y/N:

Sounds good. Talk soon!

Jenny “hearted” your message and you guys drove off to your place in silence. Caitlyn had left her car at your place and since Sebastian and you had broken up she decided to keep some things at your place for impromptu sleep overs. So as soon as you got in she went to get some more sleep in the guest bedroom while you called Jenny and explained what had happened the night before. It hadn’t been anything bad, but you then explained what Caitlyn had shared about how Harry and Taylor were struggling with getting back on track after he admitted he had feelings for you.

“…so yeah, there wasn’t anything fishy per se apart from that. We actually hadn’t even spoken since we saw each other last year. Taylor never attempted to contact me or anything either, we don’t even know each other. Just that little run-in in the bathroom which no one saw.” You shared with Jenny, “So uh, no connections there either.”

“Okay, sounds good. Already the fans are labeling you a home wrecker, they really liked them together.”

“Yeah, I was expecting that.” You sighed.

“Oh, Jeffrey just texted me!” Jenny said and opened it up, “Okay he said that Harry wants to clarify that you have been close friends since you were 19 years old but that he’s not all that sure that they should do that because you guys having a history could mean more of a logical framework for any theories of cheating.”

“Yeah, like we were so close that it eventually led to that…” you said, “I mean we could just both go no comment. I know we didn’t do anything wrong so… ”

“Yeah, I agree. I guess Harry doesn’t want to “hide you from his life” is what Jeff just said.” She shared and you bit your lip.

“I think I need to talk to Harry ,this is something he feels like he might owe me for. When we dated, I mean, you know…we were both so worried about the public ruining it for us. He did tell me that he felt bad that he let his fear of what others might think get in the way of us living our lives. And that it sometimes felt like we never happened because everything was so hidden. He said he wished that everyone could’ve seen how happy we make each other. He could be wanting to make up for that…”

“Mmmm, okay. Let me tell Jeffrey to get him on the line, we can do a group call or FaceTime?”

“Yeah, that’s alright.” You assured her.

“Okay I’ll call you back.”

“Yeah.” 

A few minutes later a call was coming in with the three of them and Jenny, and you guys started to discuss. Tommy said that he had tried to get in touch with Taylor’s team but she didn’t want to weigh in on anything as she was still dealing with the decision to break up with him. Harry understood that, so they weren’t going to get a confirmation from her any time soon that she had ended the relationship.

“H, I completely understand why you want to release that statement but I think it’ll only perpetuate the idea that we were doing things behind her back.”

“I just don’t want to hide that you make me happy anymore.” He sighed.

“We’re not, I mean the pictures are everywhere.” You said with a small smile, “People can see it but we don’t owe them any explanations about it. I don’t think we should address speculations.”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.” He finally agreed and everyone looked relieved.

“I think if we gradually increase your time together it might make it look more natural?” Tommy suggested.

“What about private photos? What if we have an “iCloud leak”-”

“Absolutely not.” Harry cut Jenny off.

“Well Harry, that might establish what you want without having to say anything.” Jeffrey explained.

“We could choose what we release. Just things from birthdays or shows, parties…” you suggested, “We could show them this is nothing new, that we were always like this.” You smiled.

“Okay, fine…I mean, even Caitlyn has some stuff on her instagram from years ago…I was…looking.” He said and you smiled. “Oh shut it…” he chuckled as you all laughed.

“She’s on private though…always has been.” You reminded and he hummed.

“What if she’s the one that gets “hacked”. People are starting to look into who she is as well. I already saw one article that identified that she’s a screenwriter, I’m sure more people will be trying to see how she’s linked.” Jeffrey chimed in.

“I’ll have to ask her…I don’t want her to give up her privacy for us.” You said and Harry agreed.

“Well I think that would be the best case if she gives us access to her instagram and iCloud. But if not, then we just do the iCloud leak from one of your accounts.” Jeffrey decided. “Start looking through your pictures guys.”

You guys agreed on this strategy and you agreed you’d ask Caitlyn when she woke up. Of course, your best friend listened with an open mind and wasn’t even reluctant to agree and help you guys out. She knew that you guys had messed up when you saw each other that first time, but your commitment to let each other try and live your own lives really showed her that you guys regretted betraying your partners, so of course she wanted to help you both now. When she checked her instagram there were already tons of DM’s and follow requests waiting for her. She wasn’t even verified, she really just used this for personal things, so it would be understandable if she got hacked now that she was connected to you and Harry. Over the next few days your teams figured out the logistics of this plan and Caitlyn shared with you and Harry any pictures that she had of you guys on her iCloud and then a few weeks later the “leak” happened. 

Screenshots of Caitlyn's grid were taken and leaked on twitter from years back and it worked. People were immediately finding what you guys wanted them to find. Then two days later the “iCloud leak” happened. With this stunt, a solid timeline of your and Caitlyn’s friendship with Harry was established. There weren’t too many photos but the ones that fans were circulating the most were the ones of you two with Harry while he was still in the band. Of you guys at Caitlyn’s 25th birthday party with you and Harry kissing her cheek on either side. There was a video of you and Harry doing karaoke, a couple of pictures and a video of Caitlyn and Harry at your first big, sold out show in London. And finally one of him painting your nails with a prototype of what fans soon discovered was now the Pleasing polish “inky pearl”. It had to appear as though “the hacker” had intentionally dug through years of things to find this specific content. And once those were out into the world the tune changed and people thought it was cute that you guys had been friends for that long. People were saying that you guys appeared to be really into each other even back then and that you would make a cute couple.

Naturally, that started shifting the narrative into “maybe Harry dumped Taylor and was just out with his old friends to cheer up a bit”, which was mostly right. But once that became the main rumor an anonymous source leaked to a few gossip news outlets that Taylor had actually been the one to dump Harry the night of the MET. Obviously, Harry and Tommy had been in on that with her representatives because they didn’t want her looking like the chump when she had been the one that did the dumping. And once that came out the internet went wild and people were overwhelmed with the knowledge that his old friends truly were comforting him after a break up and that Taylor had dumped Harry because they were “growing apart”. 

You were fine, but having that all out there in print is what really seemed to make it real for Harry and he started to disappear a bit. You knew he needed space and time to process and heal, so you gave it. You didn’t want to bug him or make him feel pressured, so you assured him that he didn’t have to talk to you if he wasn’t in the mood. But if he didn’t mind, you’d just check in every few days, say hi, send some encouragements and he agreed to that. It was all very one sided as the months inched by and boy, did you miss him, but he really needed to get through this on his own terms.

…. August 2024 ….

Harry’s POV:

When Taylor returned to London in early June to pick up her things from his place it was extremely bittersweet for him to see how she looked so much lighter in terms of her mood and persona as a whole. She didn’t look tired or stressed how she had towards the end of their relationship. She looked more like herself and even sounded like herself, all bubbly and optimistic about things. It made him feel really happy for her, but it also made him sad, knowing that he contributed to her unhappiness. Knowing that he had hurt her enough to dull the gorgeous and bright person that she had been before. The person that he had fallen in love with. He even tried to kiss her when she was leaving and nearly died of embarrassment when she rejected him, but he understood.

He and Tommy did share the PR plan you guys made and assured her that you were cautious in trying to keep her out of it as much as possible. But he heard from her again when the public brought her into the picture and she wanted to set the record straight and he agreed that she should, he didn’t mind it. But once all of it felt resolved he just crashed. 

He stopped talking to you around the second week of June because he just didn’t have the energy. But you had been kind and checked in, assuring him he didn’t need to answer, but you just wanted to encourage him a bit. It meant the world to him that you understood to keep doing that, but still giving him the space he needed to get through this. For months now he had allowed himself to feel it, like you told him he needed to do. And god, it hurt…it hurt so much, but it was relieving to have felt it all. The sadness had faded seemingly very suddenly, he just woke up one day and didn’t feel hopeless. He missed you though, he wanted to see you so badly but he had no idea when too soon was “too soon”. 

Y/N:

This popped up on my pinterest feed! IT’S YOU! Lololol. I laughed so hard and it’s so, so cute. I hope today is better 💛

Harry’s head knocked back as he laughed at the little image on his screen. It really was him and the fact that even the text said “Feel it all” was extremely fateful. He smiled and “hearted” the message before setting his phone down on the counter and turned to go make himself some coffee. Seconds later he came back and unlocked his phone and texted his assistant to book him a one-way ticket to LA for next week.

****************

Y/N POV:

Your summer had been very nice so far. You genuinely were not worried about Harry in the slightest, you knew that healing took time and he knew well that you’d be waiting whenever he was ready. After seeing the way things worked out after the MET, you had a restored sense of hope in fate and the universe, so you let it be. For the time being you were having a lot of fun in the studio working on some new things. You were also spending a lot of time with friends and with Ricky too. You guys were just enjoying what you had going on. It wasn’t a routine at all, your hookups were sporadic and spontaneous, like now…

“Oh fuck yes, right there!” You mewled as his long fingers prodded into your g-spot as his thumb glided over your clit over and over at the perfect pace.

“Shhh…” he chuckled as he looked around briefly. You were in a hidden little nook at the studio. Everyone had gone for lunch but someone could always come in at any moment. “Look so fucking pretty today. You wore it for me, didn’t you?” He mumbled against your lips and you smiled.

“F'ourse.” You panted and then inhaled sharply as your walls fluttered around his fingers as your orgasm neared. It always took longer for you to come standing, so you’d been there a while. “I’m getting close…fuck, faster!” You implored and he listened and started pumping his fingers faster until your legs were trembling. Your head knocked back against the wall and you huffed out a laugh at the thud, but it wasn’t enough to deter you from coming.

“Come for me, Y/N.”

“Yeah, jus’don’t stop…don’t stop…oh my god, I’m coming!” Your moan broke through your throat and he brought his other hand over your mouth to mute your sounds. Your arms hugged around him to keep yourself upright as your knees went weak and shook at the waves of pleasure coursing through you. Your walls were pulsing rapidly around his fingers as you rode it out. He removed his hand from your mouth as you started panting and wrapped it around your waist while his fingers continued fucking into you slowly to help you ease off of your climax. You angled up and kissed his lips before smiling giddily, your eyes all sparkly and heavy with lust.

“Y’good now?” He asked with a grin after a minute or two and you nodded.

“Yeah.” You confirmed and he let go of you and pulled out his fingers before sucking them clean. 

He tugged your skirt back down to where it was before your little romp session. Your lips met eagerly for several moments, smearing together and connecting fervently. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t return the favor now, there wasn’t time. So you kissed him to show your gratitude for his immediate attention to your obvious need. 

“So after the afternoon session do you want t-” you paused when you thought you heard a door close.

“What’s-”

“Shhh.” You shushed him quickly and he froze as you definitely heard some movement in the control room. 

“Maybe they’re just grabbing something?” He whispered and you both stayed quiet trying to hear anything else, whoever it was wasn’t leaving.

“Where’s my underwear?” You asked him and he patted at his pocket and then glanced around to find that they had not stayed in his pocket.

“I think they fell out of my pocket in the live room somewhere.” He said and you groaned quietly. He peeked out a bit and saw them near the large amp you’d been sitting on before you moved into this little nook. “They fell out near the amp.” He said regretfully and you swore your brain melted from how embarrassed you were. If anyone walked into the live room they would surely see them. And then the worst thing that could happen did, you both heard the soft creak of the door to the live room opening.

“Shit!” You whispered and decided to just get out there. Maybe you could grab them before they even noticed and hurry out to the bathroom and Ricky would just stay hidden until the coast was clear. “OK, I’m gonna grab them. Just stay until I come get you.” You whispered and he nodded. You exhaled shakily and then stepped out of your little corner only see Harry Styles himself stop as he approached the piano bench, thankfully on the other side of the room. He smiled wide as soon as he saw you.

“Surprise!” He exclaimed through a chuckle and you reared back a bit, at least to kick your panties behind the amp so he wouldn’t see them on the floor. “Why are you backing away, come here!” He chuckled and you glanced down quickly to see they were hidden enough before hurrying over to him.

“W-what’re you doing here?” You asked him with a smile as he sighed and hugged around you and then squeezed a bit tighter. You were completely flustered now and distracted and he could feel the weirdness you were exuding as you cut your hug short.

“I just wanted to surprise you.” He explained and you nodded.

“That’s really sweet of you.” You said and he chuckled as he took you in for a moment.

“Are you OK?” He asked and you nodded quickly.

“Of course!”

“Are you sure? I mean, I know I kind of just showed up but I was expecting a little more enthusiasm form you after not seeing each other for months.” He chuckled and then the next worst thing happened, Ricky’s phone started ringing. Of course he had to have Patrick Star saying “Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee” as his ringtone. Your face fell into your hands in absolute mortification as Harry burst into laughter at the very random interruption, “Is that your ringtone?” He gasped through his laugh and you shook your head, still hiding your face in your hands. “Oh. Then…” he sighed and you glanced up at him, “Oh…” he said more quietly and you exhaled.

“Ummm, Ricky it’s fine. It’s Harry.” You said and he stepped out from the little hidden corner seconds later. He looked between you and Harry with painfully embarrassed smile. But he inhaled sharply and pushed the feelings aside.

“Hello Harry, I’m Ricky.” He said extending his hand out and you winced.

“Mmmm, maybe don’t do that right now.” You said softly and he glanced down at his hand and then pulled it back once he realized that he had just used that same hand to finger fuck you.

“Right, ummm…”

“Just, come here.” You said as you went behind him and gabbed his arms to corral him out of the studio and to the bathrooms. “And you, stay here please.” You called back at Harry who just nodded, still quite shocked at what he’d walked into and moments later you had emerged into the hall and exhaled shakily.

“Oh god, that was bad! That was so bad!” He panted nervously.

“I know! Fuck…”

“Did you get your underwear.”

“No! He was already in there, I just kicked them behind the amp.” You explained. “Look, I ummm, I think I need to talk to him alone for a little. Just go wash up and let everyone know to take another thirty or so?”

“Yeah, OK.” He nodded and then chuckled, “I’m sorry to put you in this position.”

“It’s fine, I was the one that was too impatient to wait until after.” You reminded and he chuckled.

“True…” he mused with a grin, “Ummm, well you go deal with that and I’ll go stall everyone a little.”

“Thank you.” You breathed out and then inhaled slowly.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. OK?” He smiled and you nodded with your bottom lip bitten beneath your front teeth out of nerves, you needed to take it out on something, “Go on.” He insisted and you turned around and headed back into the studio. When you entered the control room and looked out the large window into the live room Harry glanced back at you from his seat on the piano bench. You headed back in a bit timidly and he smiled at you.

“You alright?”

“Yeah! Sorry about that, it just…happened.” You explained bashfully and he nodded.

“Yeah, I get that.” He smiled, “S’good to put a face to the name.”

“Oh yeah…” you hummed and shook your head again. Harry chuckled and reached for your hand before hesitating.

“Is your hand clean?” He asked before grabbing it and you chuckled but nodded. “OK.” He hummed and stood before grabbing both of your hands and running his thumbs over your knuckles. “I’m fine.” He assured you, “Well…maybe fuming inside…just a little…” he confessed.

“Don’t worry, it was just that, not sex, m’not that crazy.”

“And I wonder whose idea that was, you little exhibitionist.” You teased and you shook your head as you giggled.

“Either way, ummm I am happy you’re here.” You said, “So can we have a do over?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Of course.” He said and released your hands before wrapping them around your shoulders and pulling you in. You hugged around him and leaned into him.

“I’m really happy to see you. Missed you.” 

“Me too.”

“So what made you come out here?” You asked and he pulled back a bit, his hands grabbed your face gently.

“The froggy picture.” He admitted and you laughed and he bit his lip as he watched you laugh. You were so pretty, he was glad he saved seeing you again for the first time for this face to face encounter.

“When I saw that little cardigan on him I just about died.” You recalled, giggled at the memory. “It’s so cute.”

“Yeah, it was cute.” He agreed, “You look so pretty today.” He complimented.

“Thanks. You too.” You hummed and he chuckled.

“Mmm…particularly like you in this skirt. Though it is a bit skimpy…” he pointed out and you smiled.

“Yeah, s’quite short.” You agreed.

“Then you might be…” he reached down and hooked on his index finger was your underwear, “needing these back.” He hummed and you felt your face heating in embarrassment as you glanced over to them and then to him. He was smirking and you reached for them and he raised them out of your reach. “Mmm…just a little higher, love.” 

“If I reach any higher my ass will show.” You laughed and he did as well.

“So unprofessional…” he mumbled and you rolled your eyes before looking deep into his eyes pleadingly.

“Please.” You insisted, “Would love it if I didn’t flash anyone at work today.” You said and he chuckled and lowered them so that you could reach for them but then pulled them away from you. 

“May I?” He asked and you bit your lip. He smirked at your response, “I’ll take that as a yes.” He hummed and stepped forwards, effectively backing you up until you bumped into the piano, the higher keys at the end clanked discordantly as your weight pressed them down and your gazes met as you both sniggered in amusement at the happy little accident. The sound seemed to reverberate forever, that’s how tense it was between you two. He crouched down and spread them out for you, allowing you to step into them as he stood and pulled them up your legs and finally over your center. He really tried his best not to look or lean in when he got them up to your pussy. He knew you were wet, but it was not from what he had walked in on, it was all for him. It probably had been all along, he didn’t want to assume, but he hoped. He really hoped. “There you are.” He hummed as his fingers fixed the straps along your hips, tugging on them a bit to straighten them out.

“Thank you.” You said softly.

“Of course.” He smiled as he fixed your skirt again and placed his hands on your hips. You suddenly smiled even wider and he giggled, “What’s that cute little smile about, then?”

“Nothing. Just thinking that you’ve never… I don’t think you’ve ever done that before?” You shrugged.

“Mmm…surely I have.” He mused, his face scrunching a bit in thought, “Or not…maybe not…” he decided a few seconds later. “I’m glad I was clever enough to pull it off.”

“Oh yeah, that was…a moment.”

“Core memory?” He smirked.

“Oh yeah, core memory.” You smiled and just hugged him again and he hummed happily, “You’re staying, right?”

“Yeah, if you want me to.” He mumbled and you pulled back.

“Yeah, of course. Could use some of your expertise. A little Styles sparkle.” You flirted.

“I like that!” He chuckled, “M’stealing it.”

“Okay.” You giggled. “Caitlyn’s friend, Melissa, from the pilates studio? Well she’s my friend too kinda, but more Cait’s. Either way, she’s having a little pool party with cocktails. It’s a casual thing. If you wanna come, I’m sure we’ll end up ordering in.”

“Oh yeah, that sounds nice.” He smiled. “I-is Ricky coming?” He asked.

“Ummm, maybe? If you don’t mind?” He shook his head and you squinted your eyes suspiciously.

“I swear.” He chuckled.

“OK.” You said softly. You let each other go and then grabbed your phone from a music stand a few feet away. 

“Have you eaten?” He asked

“Nope.”

“Want to go pick something up together?” He asked and you nodded.

“Sure.” You said and soon you were heading off to the closest thing before heading back to the studio with your food.

It was nice sitting with him while you two ate and talked casually about your music and what you wanted out of it. You were trying to find the words to describe what you wanted this project to be and what you wanted it to evoke. You missed talking to him about this kind of thing. Harry just had a real gift for expressing everything he was trying to express when he made his music. And at the moment, you felt like your vision just wasn’t cohesive, or at least you felt that way.

“…I don’t know, I’m a bit lost on this process, I guess.” You decided finally when you started bouncing between ideas, “I don’t even know why I wanted to do an album anymore…” you confessed with some sadness.

“What initially pushed you to decide?”

“I think seeing you, the weird things with Seb…I mean, I just feel kind of like things have taken a twist I didn’t expect. And I’m just…lost. I feel lost, even though I shouldn’t be. I feel like what I need to do next in life is kinda a no brainer, but-”

“A no brainer to who?” He asked and you shrugged, “Everyone I guess. But I also feel…like…I’m in a glass house.” You said and he hummed, “I feel like everything right now is really fragile right now. With my heart and my head…with this album, I know that it’s been a while so I need t-to deliver, I mean obviously. And then w-with us too.” You explained and he hummed, “I just don’t even know where to start to be honest. And I think…that shows in the music. It’s going to be a big, fat flop.” You chuckled sadly, “I can just feel it. It’s murky…”

“I mean, you always know what I think. At the end of the day you have to like what you produced. And you have to be proud of it. I get that we do this for a living, but it’s also our entire heart and mind in those songs. All the things we’ve dealt with during this time, the joys the sorrows…I mean, that’s what we’re putting out there for everyone to judge and feeling like it doesn’t make sense anymore can be scary. But honestly, things don’t make sense for a lot people out there, and hearing that just might help them feel not so shitty about it.” He said and you hummed.

“Is it crazy that I really want to embrace another sound? I don’t even know what it falls under, but I just want it to sound exactly how I hear it in my brain.” You explained, “Like…” you paused and chuckled, “there are lines I wrote while I was like at the grocery store or stuck in traffic, and like I can only hear them in that setting. Like just to show how banal my life is, you know? Like, I want to put in the beep of the check out machine in or staticky radio chatter about the heat wave, my alarm going off in the morning, the chirp of the fire alarm I haven’t changed…I was thinking of maybe putting in some like voice notes between the tracks, like texts with friends, or little things I make to remember what I need to buy at the store. Like I want it to be like a day through my perspective I guess…almost like the music is narrating a routine?” You explained and he nodded and smiled.

“I think that’s really cool.” He said and you bit your lip.

“It’s not too…messy and chaotic?”

“No, it is for sure, the layering is going to be insane.” He said and you chuckled and nodded, “But it’s a cool concept. Like basically if your life was a kind of like a musical.” He said and your eyes widened.

“Exactly.” You sighed and smiled, “Wow…who knew a word for that already existed.” You chuckled and he did as well, “I was struggling for a while there trying to describe what I wanted. Thank you!” You said and he chuckled.

“Happy to help.”

When everyone returned you shared a more clear idea of what it was that you wanted. You wanted things to be a little odd but as real as possible. This helped your producers and sound engineers adjust what they were doing a bit to make editing easier on themselves. At some point Harry was at the help of the control panel, pressing buttons and raising and lowering settings, asking you to go again.

“Hey man, how about in that bit there where she ends the bridge, she does the final chorus in an octave lower and we fade it out from studio into the raw audio. I believe this is one of the songs where the demo is from her voice notes.” Ricky suggested and Harry smiled.

“Yeah actually, that’s sick.” He nodded and then he told you what Ricky was thinking. “He says we can layer them and blend it, so just try the chorus in a lower octave and the rest will be done via editing.” He instructed and gave him a thumbs up before running it again. 

After another couple of hours of working, your day was coming to an end. Everyone started cleaning up after themselves and you invited Ricky to Melissa’s place and soon he was heading off and assuring you he’d be there later. Harry was chatting with one of the other sound engineers, Billy, as you looked around the space one final time to ensure you weren’t leaving anything behind for the night.

“I was just telling Harry that now what you were asking of us makes a lot more sense.” Billy said and you chuckled.

“See. I wasn’t crazy!”  

“Yeah… it’s gonna be cool, what you’re doing.”

“Thank you. I think so too. I mean, I know I enjoy those kinds of things when I listen to music, so I hope others like it as well.”

“Oh yeah, people are suckers for that.” He smiled, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Billy said to you, “And it was nice to meet you.” He said to Harry, “Will you be joining us again?”

“Ummm…” Harry said as he glanced over to you.

“Well, you’re always welcome. You know that.” You said to him and he smiled.

“Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said and Billy chuckled. You guys exchanged a few more words before Billy headed out.

“So where are you staying?” You asked as you put things into your tote bag.

“Not sure yet. I don’t know how long I’m staying for, so I didn’t want to book a hotel indefinitely, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that.” You hummed, “Well if you need a place to crash for a bit I’ve got an extra room. Caitlyn already claimed one room.” You said and he chuckled.

“Of course she has…” he grinned and you smiled, “Well yeah, if it’s no bother. And like, I know that I came for you-”

“That’s what she said.” You slipped in and he laughed and rolled his eyes as you giggled.

“Real funny…now, I know that I came here to see you, but I’d also understand if you didn’t want me in your house.” He chuckled.

“I’d love you in my house.” You said and he smiled.

“Then let’s get going.” He responded and you grinned.

*****************

“Welcome!” You chirped as you opened the back door to let Harry in with his big ass suitcase.

“Thanks.” He chuckled.

“Do you remember where my room is?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well yours is the one right beside it.” You said and he nodded and took off. You put your bag down to wash the tumbler you used for your coffee that morning. And after that you headed off to get changed. When you passed by Harry was just stripping off his pants and you turned away quickly before rushing into your room. You first got your shirt off and then got your make up off. You’d be swimming anyway, so it was pointless to have it on. Once you got done with that you went to pick out a bathing suit which you quickly changed into. You were throwing your skirt back on when Harry announced himself. “What’s up?” You asked and he came over to your closet.

“Nothing, just wondering what was taking you so long.”

“Oh, sorry. I was taking off my makeup. Let me just grab a shirt.” You said and just grabbed the first one within reach and threw it on. You slid your feet into your sandals and then tugged at his shirt as you breezed past him. “Let’s go.”

“Hey…hey, hey, hey come here.” He said reaching around you and stopping you as you giggled.

“What?” You asked him and he just hugged you and released a long exhale. You smiled and rubbed over his back softly, fingers dancing across his shirt as you held him for a little while. 

“I’m really happy to be here.” He spoke quietly.

“Oh me too, H. I missed you a lot. It was getting hard not to hear from you.” You spoke softly before tiptoeing and kissing low on his cheek. His lips twitched up in a little smile and you ran your thumb over his bottom lip. He kissed the pad of your thumb a couple times before letting you go and grabbing your face, pulling you in closer to him.

“Can I?” He asked and you nodded quickly. 

Just a moment later his lips were pushing and pulling against your own slowly in a deep and emotional kiss. It was nostalgic and magical; your body felt alive and tingly all over. Moreover, the raw emotion of the tension finally bursting was overwhelming in the best way. It felt like you had just jumped into a cool pool on a hot summer’s day. You were so in the moment that you forgot to breathe, so you suddenly pulled back to do so. And his mouth chased after yours, pecking around your lips as you inhaled sharply. When your eyes blinked open and met his, you smiled and his cheeks went all warm and pink. Suddenly you were transported back to the time when you had kissed for the very first time. He was smiling then too, relieved to have kissed you. And you were in mental shambles as you relished in what had just happened. It felt like the beginning again. He started to pull back and you arched up and kissed him again.

“Not yet.” You whispered and he sighed and pulled you closer. His thumbs stroked over your cheeks as your lips met over and over again in soft little pecks in between deep kisses. Your noses nuzzled against each other for a few seconds.

“D’you wanna drive?”

“Yeah, sure.” You smiled and were heading off a few minutes later.

****************

Harry was actually having a nice time at this pool party/dinner thing. He was glad he had come because he needed the distraction. He was afraid of the conversation he was going to have with you about polyamory and how he believed that he fit under this category. He was nervous because of how this had impacted his previous relationship. He had spent the past couple months talking to his therapist every couple of weeks on the phone to help him through the depression and grief of his relationship. His therapist mentioned that a friend of hers is a sex therapist and she asked him if he would be interested in having her come sit in on a few of their sessions and then take the lead for a few about this new discovery he had made about himself and he agreed and he would be meeting her for the first time the following day.

He had also been keeping a keen eye on the interactions between you and Ricky. Ricky and him kept making awkward eye contact and he was acting really relaxed with you. He figured it was because Ricky was a bit intimidated or still feeling weird about him walking in on you guys. Either way, Harry was being more of a spectator for now.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” You asked as you came up to him after emerging from the pool.

“Nothing, just watching everyone. Thinking…”

“About?”

“Me. You. Us…” he said as he made space on the big chaise lounge he was on. 

He patted the space beside him and you climbed on, legs crossed as you faced him and you extended your hand out towards his and just grazed your fingers over his own discreetly before pulling away. This little gesture transported Harry back to your fifth date. He remembered it so clearly, you guys had gone out to eat and even though you had a private dinging area, he still wouldn’t hold your hand because he was worried that someone might see and then it would all get out and things would surely go to shit. He remembered because he did that same gesture to you that you’d just done to him. Just a feather of a touch to ease your need and want to be closer to him in that moment. 

“Did you feel…invalidated when we were together?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue and you hummed pensively. “Like not seen or maybe…less important than you were to me?”

“Maybe a little bit at the start but it went away quickly. I knew it was because of the band and all those crazy rules they had for you guys.” You said and he nodded, “But after all that ended I was expecting you to change a little bit? Lax up about being together in public and things like that.” You explained, “I didn’t feel like you hid us because I wasn’t good enough for you. I know all that was sort of a deal breaker for you then, so I just went along with it because I mean, I hadn’t dated anyone with your level of fame before. I just figured you knew the best way to deal and go about that.” You shrugged and he hummed.

“What you did just now, touched my hand?” He said and you nodded, urging him to continue, “I did that to you, on our fifth date. You just wanted to hold my hand over the table top at the restaurant.” He chuckled sadly, “And I wouldn’t. Do you remember?” 

“Vaguely.”

“We were in some tiny little private dining room…” he reminded you.

“Oh yeah…” you hummed.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“That.” He said and you hummed. “I wish I had been braver. And I feel the same now. I think if I had listened to other people and been more open and braver about the things I think or feel sometimes then maybe I wouldn’t be so carelessly hurtful towards others.”

“You’re not a hurtful person, H. At least not intentionally. You have concerns and fears and doubts like everyone else and sometimes that can affect how you relate to and interact with others. But I mean, you dealt with things the best way you knew how at the time, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, good. You did your best to protect what we had and I trusted you and your approach. I don’t hold it against you.” You said and he nodded.

“So just now then, you didn’t do that because you’re like…conditioned to be unaffectionate towards me in public?” He asked and you smiled and shook your head.

“No, it was just a little reassuring thing.”

“Okay.” He smiled, “You can, by the way. I want to hold your hand.” He said as he reached for yours resting flat over your thigh.

“Oh, like right now?” 

“Yeah. Can I?” He asked.

“Yeah, if you want to.” You smiled.

“Do you want me to though?”

“Yeah!” You laughed a bit and he smiled and pulled your hand into the small space between your bodies. His fingers intertwined with yours and you smiled up at him.

The one thing that you kept feeling was eager anticipation. You loved Harry at the core of who he was and every part of him that you’d known and experienced over the years. The prospect of getting to know him again, this version of him that you were the most unfamiliar with, it was exciting. Even just being around him you felt in tune, on the same wave length as him. When your gazes met you felt curiosity and interest in understanding what was going on in his brain in a far deeper way than before. You’d happily spend the rest of your days learning about him and loving who he was now and who he would become over time. You smiled to yourself as you thought of him in 10-15 years, with you. Happy, fulfilled, it was making you emotional.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” He asked softly.

“You.” You responded, you didn’t mean for it to come out as a whisper, but it did. You were just so in your head now as you gave thought to all of this. To all of him.

“What about me? You seem like you’re about to cry.” He said lowly with a bit of concern.

“They’d be happy tears then.” You assured him and he smiled. “Was just thinking about you, how far you’ve come. Well, the both of us, and how I’m jus so excited t-to get to know you again. And just thinking about the future, like…what we can have. Like…we’re different than…five years ago, you know?”

“Yeah, a little more grown up.” He smiled.

“A lot more grown up.” You chuckled, “And I think it could only get better the older we get.” You said and he smiled.

“It will.” He said decisively, “I’m also excited about getting to know you in a deeper way again.” He said and you smiled as a comfortable silence took over for a minute or so. But then he spoke up again, “Honestly, I don’t think there’s a reality in which I wouldn’t be in love with you.” He confessed with a bashful smile and your gaze softened as it met his own, “I mean that.”

“I know. I feel the same way.” You responded, your heart was pounding so hard you felt it in your throat. 

Harry just smiled and let his thumb smooth over your knuckles as you just looked at each other. His eyes flickered between your own, taking in every possible detail. He loved how the sun streaks showed off the pattern of your irises. He loved how you looked back at him with so much adoration. He wanted everything with you. He couldn’t even contain the fluttering feeling in his tummy as he thought about you when you had a baby with him and looked at them the way you were looking at him now. With love, acceptance, pride, and every other good feeling and intention you could muster up.

“I need you to know that we’re making it this time.” He whispered and you nodded.

“Yeah we are.” You whispered back with a smile.

*********************

You were quite nervous as you made it back from the studio the next day. You’d had a great and productive day and you hoped Harry had too. You were feeling a vast range of emotions as you tried to picture where the conversation would end up. Especially after the intimate things you had told each other the evening before. You had even called your mom on your lunch break to just get all the irrational, anxiety inducing things off of your chest. She was excited for the possibility of you and Harry working things out after all this time. She and your father loved how he looked after you and were very supportive of your relationship with him back then and it was no different now, he and his family had left a really great impression on them. And your family on his, you still spoke to Anne and Gemma and a few of his cousins for birthdays and little things like that. Obviously, you kept a respectful distance, especially since he dated quite quickly after, but you had grown to love the people in his life too. 

“Hello?” You spoke out into the car when you answered his incoming call.

“Hey, love. Just checking if I can open any of the wine bottles you have? Or are some special?”

“Nah, have at it.” You assured him.

“Perfect. Are you close by?”

“Yeah, about 10 minutes away.”

“Great! See you soon.” He hummed, “Be safe.”

“Thanks, H.” You hummed and he hung up.

*****************

As soon as you made it inside you were greeted with an absolutely divine aroma and “Always Alright” by Alabama Shakes was playing from the kitchen. You bopped your head along as you pushed the door back and it landed into the frame with a loud thump.

“I’m home!” You called out as you toed out of your sneakers and just as you were about to make it to the living room Harry was coming to the entrance with a glass of wine for you in hand. 

“Hey, how was it today?”

“Good, we wrapped up the ones that might be the singles so it was a productive day.” You said with a smiled as you guys hugged briefly and kissed cheeks.

“That’s great.” He hummed as he handed over the glass and you thanked him softly before taking a sip.

“Mmmm.” Your eyebrows perked up as the sour and crisp wine tingled on your tongue. “Which one did you open?” You only had three bottles of white wines as it wasn’t your favorite variety. So the flavors of it were not as obvious to you.

“The chablis.” 

“Oh…good choice.” You complimented and he smiled.

“Yeah?” You nodded and he hummed. “Well c’mon then.” He said and you followed after him to the kitchen.

“How was your day?” You asked.

“Also quite productive. I found two potential places, so there’s that.”

“And in therapy?”

“Really good too.” He smiled and you nodded.

“Good. I’m glad.” You hummed, “Do you need my help with anything?”

“No, just sit. Wanna plate it all nice for you.” He said and you smiled.

“Wow, thank you.” 

“Of course.” He smiled as he plated up the baby potato and veg mix on the plate and then he lifted the sheet of tin foil placed over the pan on the stove, “They had some really great sea bass fillets at Erewhon. I couldn’t resist.” He hummed.

“How much did they cost you?” You asked with a grin and he chuckled.

“I’m not ready to talk about it.” He mumbled with a smirk and you giggled. “Here you are love.” He said handing you a plate and you grabbed it quickly.

“Wow, so beautiful.” You complimented, “The skin is so crisp.” You slightly moaned as you ran your fork over it. “I’m so excited to eat this.” You praised him and bit down on your lip in excitement. Harry grinned bashfully as he served up his own plate and soon he was settling in beside you and then you guys started eating. You made some light conversation and hummed to the music playing in the background of your conversation while you guys ate your dinner. Everything was so delicious you even went in for another helping of the veggies. “Wow…this is may be on of the best things I’ve eaten in a long time.” You said in satisfaction. “The fish was so buttery. It just melted in your mouth…damn.” You smiled, “You did so good! I’m so impressed.” You chuckled.

“Yeah?” He smiled as he reached for your hand and you nodded again. “Glad you liked it. Got the recipe from Shellie.” He said and you hummed.

“Ooh nice. She’s a good cook.” You recalled and he nodded.

“And I made some cereal milk panna cotta for desert. Should be set by now.”

“Ooh, fancy!” You chirped with excitement. You washed the remaining dishes as he brought out the panna cottas and then headed over to your patio, he balanced the little ramekins in one hand as he unlatched the glass door and slid it open and stepped outside. You dried your hands and grabbed your glasses of wine as you headed over as well and cozied into one of the seats outside.

“So?” You asked and he smiled at you.

“So…I think that I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I am probably polyamorous.” He explained and you nodded in understanding.

“Okay and what does that…look like for you?” You asked him.

“Ummm…for me it’s largely about the fact that I can connect romantically with multiple people simultaneously. I have felt it before but just thought of it as like a crush…because I had never fully fallen in love with any of those people or just stopped myself from talking to them more because I was already seeing someone. And I mean, to me, you’re the biggest love of my life. And when we didn’t work I just…I wanted to feel that way again and so I searched for it and I did fall in love with Olivia and Taylor all w-while being in love with you the entire time. I see now that I buried what I felt for you, but it was never gone.” He explained and you nodded in understanding, “I told Taylor once that she wasn’t competing with you for my love, that I loved you and loved her in your own unique ways. D-does that make sense to you?”

“Yeah, H. It does.” You assured as you dipped into your panna cotta and he hummed ‘good’ before he did the same. You sat silently for a little bit, watching the sun starting to move closer and closer to the horizon.

“And say, what if we get married and somewhere along the way I…fall in love with someone else? Can you accept that?” He asked and you shrugged.

“I can tell you that I can right now…but I mean, maybe that will change if we get married or have kids or something…” you said with all honesty. “But I mean, i-if that’s how it is then I’d expect to have boundaries or rules for what’s acceptable if we’re the married ones.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He nodded, “So, my therapist brought in a friend of hers, a sex therapist, t-to talk about this with me. To answer any questions and to help prep me for this talk I wanted to have with you.” He explained and you nodded urging him to go on, “So poly people can have different types of relationships and she was explaining them to me to see what resonated with me the most and I think a hierarchal approach or a polyfidelity approach is more in line with me.” He explained and you nodded.

“Okay, so what does that mean?”

“So in the hierarchal one the main relationship is the priority. So say we started a relationship, to me that would be my main relationship. If I met anyone who I was interested in I would run that by you. Like we would work out what any other potential partners would have access to together. And polyfidelity can be like, I have two relationships but they’re closed relationships on both ends. And well, it’s not like I’d actively be seeking out someone else to involve in my life, this is just an option in case I meet someone who I develop feelings for. I have no desire to have an open relationships or even sexual or dating relationships with other people just because. I would only want that if I even met anyone that I just had that deep of a connection with.” He explained.

“So like with Taylor…if she was okay with this…what would you prefer or?”

“I would kind of leave that up to her. I think she might have preferred a hierarchal thing though. Where if we were together first then that relationship is the priority and together we could set the boundary for what our relationship would look like. So say she was only fine with us dating and sleeping together when I was in California, then that’s what we would have. I think that a polyfidelity thing would be what I’d prefer in that case. I mean, I know that you guys wouldn’t be sleeping with other people, just me. And I wouldn’t say either one was more important than the other, we wouldn’t even have to do things together, each relationship would be what it is.” He said and you hummed as you gave it some thought.

“Wouldn’t that be…exhausting?” You asked and he chuckled.

“I don’t know…maybe.” He said pensively, “But like…to me, the way Taylor loved me didn’t feel the same as the way you love me, and vise versa. And then the way I loved you both also came out differently. I didn’t feel more for you than her, but it was just different. Does that… make sense to you?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, that’s extremely logical.” You said and he chuckled.

“Are you just saying that?” He questioned skeptically.

“No!” You giggled, “I’m serious. I mean, there’s this quote from Ted Lasso that I really love and that I live by now. The quote is: “All people are different people.” And I mean, it’s so obvious and simple, but it’s something that we forget far too easily. So when you say that the way you felt love from and for us was different, it makes sense. Each person loves differently and has different needs. Our energies are different, you know? Of course it feels different with another person. Each relationship is going to be as unique as the people in it.”

“Right, it’s not like a competition between who I love more.” He said and you nodded.

“Right.” You confirmed and he smiled and then frowned. “What it is?”

“I don’t think I had the proper words to explain this to Taylor when I first told her about you. Maybe if I had more knowledge or simply just accepted and understood this part of myself before I could’ve hurt her less. Like, I’ve apologized and explained and we’ve forgiven each other for any hurt we caused each other, but I just…feel bad for how I affected her.”

“Yeah, of course. That’s understandable. I’m glad you guys got to talk that out eventually though. Is she better now? When was the last time you saw her?”

“Ummm, early June?” He hummed, “She looked so much lighter than when we were together. She was back to her old self and it was hard to see how badly what we had was affecting her.” He explained, “That’s really what pushed me into the depression phase. Just seeing how much better off she was without me. It just…fed my fear that I only hurt the people I love.” He said and you hummed. 

“Do you think that if you’d known this about yourself with certainty before that she would’ve been alright with it?”

“Absolutely not.” He chuckled, “Her concern was that I’d start to love you more than her and like fall out of love with her and just leave her for you.”

“Mmm, well at the risk of sounding like a total dick…isn’t that just what happens when a relationship starts to…fall apart? You start to fall out of love with someone for whatever reason? Like that’s just what can happen to anyone. It’s part of the general risk of being in a relationship, no?” You asked and he chuckled.

“That’s basically what I said to her one time. I just said it less delicately, but it really offended her. But it’s the truth, feelings can change at any time for any number of reasons. And I mean, I did love her, I think I still do a little bit, obviously.” He said and you nodded, “But I’m starting to move past it. See with you I…thought I was moving past it.” He said, “Thought that this whole time. The sex therapist? She was basically saying that in me moving on so quickly, I was just…distracting myself from having to properly move on from you basically. And like…seeing each other again after so long, I mean…it just brought everything up for me again and it almost felt like we had broken up a week before. I missed you terribly and I was constantly thinking about you and Sebastian and I just…I had to say something to Taylor about it.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” You said and he sighed.

“I guess, I’m still figuring things out in terms of this polyamory thing. But again, I just want to reassure you that I’m not actively seeking another partner, nor am I interested in dating or sleeping with other people at this time. If it happens, it happens, but obviously if it takes away from what we have going together then our relationship would take priority over that. I do believe that we connect in a very special and extraordinary way. I love and miss what we had before, but after seeing you again last year and with the time we’ve spent together already I absolutely cannot wait to see how good we can be together this time around.” He said and you smiled and just got up and climbed into his lap and hugged him tight.

“I love you.” You hummed and he sighed in relief.

“I love you too.” He answered as he hugged your waist tight for a few moments until you pulled back from him to be able to look into his eyes.

“So where do we go from here? What are you comfortable with?” You asked him.

“Well, we don’t have to rush into a relationship. I mean, I know we love each other, but I want to date you. I want to reacquaint myself with you and fall in love with the you, you are now all over again.” He said and you smiled a bit, “I also want to make sure that I’m not using us a distraction to finish moving on from Taylor.” He said and you nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” You agreed, “I mean, if you still have feelings for her do you think that maybe you might want to keep that door open?” You asked him and he shook his head.

“Yeah, she’s not on board with the polyamory thing at all. It just wouldn’t work for her.”

“Right…right.” You said and he nodded.

“Ummm baby, I have to ask because I can’t stop thinking about it.” He sighed and you nodded, “Wh-what’s the situation with Ricky?” He asked, evidently he was a bit nervous about asking you, you could see it in his eyes.

“It’s still just a friends with benefits thing. We don’t really hook up on the regular, like it’s not a planned, routine thing we do. It’s more opportunistic.” You explained.

“So the other day was like a fluke, basically?”

“For sure. I would never normally do something like that, especially while we’re in a professional setting.” You explained, “But I was just a little more…needy than usual.” You chuckled.

“Mmm, I see. I only ask because if I’m gonna stay here for a bit, like I just don’t want to make you guys feel weird if he’s like constantly around or staying over too.” He explained. “Like we kept making awkward eye contact yesterday at the pool party thing and like…yeah. I’m not…like it’s not a jealousy thing. I’m not jealous of him.” He said quickly.

“Just fuming inside a little?” You teased, repeating his words from the other day at the studio.

“Yeah, just a bit.” He chuckled, “Still.” He confessed.

“Don’t. To answer your question more seriously, Ricky doesn’t stay overnight here. Ever. And I don’t stay overnight at his either. We literally do the most to not blur any lines even more than they already are.” You explained.

“So you just…fuck and go?” He asked.

“It’s not that transactional.” You chuckled. “It’s usually after we’ve gone out with friends or just hung out together. And if we both want to hook up we do and then we go our separate ways.” You explained. “We really don’t do sleepovers or even like lovey-dovey things like cuddles or holding hands. It’s just the sexual favors bit. Like we might lay around for a bit, but we just talk, we don’t like…hold each other and…bask in the afterglow.” You said with a giggle and he nodded.

“And it doesn’t feel….empty? Without the soft bits?” He asked you more seriously.

“Of course it does.” You smiled a bit sadly, “I think it does for the both of us. He’s hung up on someone else and well…same.” You said and he smiled and nodded, “So we just hook up when we’re both feeling in the mood for it. So we really are friends first and the benefits are there when needed.” You explained and he nodded in understanding.

“So if it’s one of those times when you guys talk afterwards, like is it feedback about the sex or just random conversation?” He asked.

“Just conversations. Like sometimes we talk about the people we miss and things about them. We talk about how we’re feeling afterwards, like sometimes when that post-coital haze is lifted you just get so sad, you know? So we talk about that and try and figure out why we might feel sad. We talk about what the point of all of it is…I think we’ve achieved a rather deep level of friendship from this.” You said pensively.

“And you don’t like him even just a little bit?” He asked you.

“I mean, of course I do. I hook up with him, don’t I?” You chuckled and he did as well, “But it’s very surface level. We did talk about that one time, about what would happen if we ended up together. We both decided it would be a no-go.” You chuckled, “He’s just so…unworried and unbothered by everything. Doesn’t really plan or anything and well, you know how that drives me crazy. Especially with the job we have.” You said and he chuckled and nodded. “I’m definitely more balanced with my time now than I was before but it’s because I’ve been able to schedule and plan and whatnot. Like he’s kind of the type to get bored on a Tuesday and drive down to TJ with a friend or his sister because they want tacos from Taconazo. Like, I don’t have the same freedom to just do things on a whim without it throwing a bunch of things out of whack for myself.”

“Right.” He hummed, “So you…like him? Like you’re into him?” He asked and you looked at him quite perplexed, “Like in the way you like me?” He clarified.

“Are you asking if I like him more than you? Or are you asking if I…like him and you? Simultaneously.” You asked and he nodded. “I mean, I do like you both, but not in the same way as you do. Like, I definitely like you more, I mean, I love you, you know? I wouldn’t be able to love you and him. I would have to choose.” You said and he smiled.

“And you’d choose me.” He said quite confidently and you rolled your lips into each other to prevent your lips from widening in a grin as you shrugged. “Baby.” He pressed more seriously and you giggled.

“I mean…”

“Say it then.” He smiled smugly.

“Why? If you already know?” You asked.

“Because. I want to hear you say it for me.” He insisted. “Tell me you’d choose me. Every single time.” He hummed with a smile and you grabbed his face tenderly and leaned in until your lips were pressed together. 

Harry hummed in satisfaction as his hands slid down your waist and to your hips. His thumbs gently kneaded at the pudgy part of your hips. You giggled when it tickled you a bit and he chuckled before sucking on your bottom lip a bit. Your eyes fluttered open and met his lustful gaze. You could feel him hardening up beneath you as he leaned back in for a hungry kiss. Your lips moved sloppily, it was all tongue and heavy breathing as your slid down and held at the side of his neck. His hands were groping at your butt now, smoothing his big warm palms over them, helping you grind over him and feel his obvious need for you. You pulled back and pecked his lips a few times before taking a proper breath.

“I choose you, baby.” You confirmed quietly between the two of you. He looked into your eyes, his lust was evident.

“It would be wise to stop, wouldn’t it?” He asked and you giggled and nodded before kissing him a few more times and hugging him tight. After a few moments you pulled back and smiled at him and he bit his lip and reached around the back of your neck and pulled you down and kissed you deeply once more.

…. A FEW WEEKS LATER ….

It was your birthday and you were having fun so far at the little dinner party you had thrown yourself at your place. You felt pretty in the short black linen dress you’d chosen for yourself. You were nursing a cocktail as you chatted with those who had already arrived, you were waiting for a few more people, including Harry. You had hired on a private chef to take care of dinner tonight so that you could enjoy with everyone, after all, you only turn thirty once.

“So when did Harry move out of here?”

“A few weeks ago? He only stayed about a week. He was able to find himself a decent sized house really quickly. It was furnished, so it was rather convenient, it’s cute.” You smiled as you shared this with Melissa who nodded.

“That’s great!”

“Yeah.” You smiled in agreement.

“Sooo…any progress?” she asked with an expecting look.

“We’re not talking about that.” You said to her and she sighed in some disappointment.

“Fine.” She said with a smile. You appreciated that she didn’t push any further.

In truth, you and Harry had been mostly seeing each other at the studio after he left your house. You had both been scared into keeping things extremely platonic after that dinner he had prepared for you when you guys talked about your future. You had said you were going to take it slow and ended up half naked on your bed just about to initiate sex when you asked him to stop in a panic. The entire week he stayed with you the sexual tension was completely overboard, but you both knew it was for the best to not get involved with each other like that yet. So it was quite a big relief to you both when he left and you only saw each other at the studio. This would be his first time back at your place after he left so you were a little bit nervous in all honestly, which is why you had refused taking a shot three times already, you needed to be fully sober in order to not act impulsively.

“Harry!” You heard Caitlyn greet him excitedly from inside. You straightened up a bit and sucked a bit more of your drink though the straw. “Harry’s here!” Caitlyn announced as she led him out and everyone greeted him happily as he approached you and you smiled and stood to hug him.

“Happy birthday.” He hummed as he squeezed you tightly, “Welcome to thirty.” He said as he pulled back and you smiled.

“Thank you.” You chuckled.

“You look beautiful.” He said more quietly, his compliment slightly drowned out by everyone’s chatter.

“Oh, thank you.” You said as you glanced down at your dress quickly and then back into his eyes. He licked over his lips as he scanned over your face and then smiled bashfully when he realized he’d been caught.

“Sorry.” He hummed and you smiled.

“It’s alright. Ummm, have a seat.” You said gesturing to the table and well, the only spots available were at the further end of the table.

“You can sit here, Harry. I actually need to talk to Ben.” Melissa said as she stood up and headed further down the table.

“May I?” Harry asked and you nodded.

“Of course.” You agreed and he sat there. It’d been two or three days since you’d spoken, you were busy finalizing everything with the party and Harry had therapy and some catching up to do with other friends he had in the area.

“So, how’s it been planning all this?”

“A little stressful, but I think it ended up well.” You smiled and he nodded.

“Yeah, it looks really nice. S’a simple, little thing. I like that.” He said and you nodded.

“Yeah, thank you.”

“I ummm, I got you something that I want to show you later, I-if I can hang out a little after everyone goes.”

“Oh okay.” You nodded and he smiled. Your curiosity was piqued and all throughout the evening you kept thinking back on this and wondering what it could be. 

You were having a nice time with everyone, you guys were playing games and sharing stories. You had a delicious, fresh peach pie instead of a cake and everyone seemed so delighted with that choice. The chef really knocked it out of the park with that one. Afterwards, there was a bit of karaoke but when it hit 10:30 you guys started to wind down as to not disturb your neighbors. Slowly, your friends started to head out one by one, congratulating you once more on your birthday and you were thanking them for coming as you walked them out to their cars. Harry, Caitlyn, Ricky, and Melissa had stayed inside talking a bit more but you suspected that they were also getting ready to go, well except Harry. You guys hung around a bit more, the glances between you and Harry were nothing short of obvious and frequent, so being the one person to read the room, Ricky suddenly stood up.

“Well, it’s almost 11:30, we should go.” He said as he stretched his arms above his head a bit and once they got his hint, Caitlyn and Melissa stood as well. You and Harry followed them to the door and you all said your goodbyes. “Don’t be scared of falling.” Ricky mumbled quietly against the side of your head and you squeezed him tighter.

“Thank you for everything. Love you, I appreciate you.” You mumbled.

“Me too.” He chuckled before you kissed cheeks and he was hurrying after Melissa and Caitlyn down the little path. 

You and Harry followed after them and waved them off before you locked the gate as Harry made his way back to the house. You felt nervous around him for some reason, like his energy was too great to allow you to breathe, or maybe that was the alcohol…you’d had three cocktails which was already a bit much for you by this point and you were convinced your friends made your last one a double without your permission. Regardless, you were smiling at him while he watched you come up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and you shook your head.

“You’re making me nervous.” You chuckled.

“What? Why?”

“This mystery gift thing!” You scoffed as you guys made it inside and he locked up behind you.

“Yeah alright, fair.” He smiled as you headed to the kitchen.

“Want some water?” You asked as you headed into the kitchen.

“Please. Benny made the last drinks a double and that awful taste is not leaving my mouth.” He confessed with a slight grimace.

“I knew it!” You gasped and he chuckled, “They were trying to get me to do shots before you arrived.” You said and he chuckled.

“Well good thing you declined. You really don’t want a hangover at thirty.” He laughed and you did as well and soon you were both having a bit of water and then he sighed.

“Okay, well it’s two things.” He said and you nodded, “First gift is this…” he said pulling his phone out and after several moments of waiting, he looked back to you, “You should check your email. The personal one.” He said and you nibbled on you lip and went to grab your phone that was on the other side of the kitchen counter. You open up your email account and saw the link to a ticket and when you opened it up your free hand flew over your mouth and your eyes welled up.

“No…but th-these sold out in like five minutes!” You gasped in surprise at the Joni Mitchell ticket waiting to be accepted by you.

“I’m her friend.” He said simply and you shook your head in disbelief. 

She was playing two dates at the Hollywood Bowl and despite your best efforts during the sale in February, they sold out in moments. It was a bittersweet thing, seeing artists that were such icons and legends performing what would surely be some of their last shows ever. Being able to make it to things like this made for priceless memories and well, you grew up with Joni Mitchell, like Harry did, and you both loved her. It was one of the things that you both had in common and made friends over when you first started talking, so she meant a lot to the both you. “We’ve got a private box. We’re right up near the front so we can see it all!” He said excitedly, “And we get to meet her beforehand, if you want.” He said and you set your phone down and shook your head in disbelief.

“This is extraordinarily thoughtful, H.” You said with a wide smile.

“Our first concert out in the open. No fear, no worries, just us.” He said and you hurried over to him and hugged him tight.

“This is honestly so amazing.” You sighed as you squeezed him tight and he kissed the top of your head. “I can’t wait to do this with you.” You said happily.

“Me either. It’s going to be so good.” He said with certainty and you nodded against his chest before pulling back and peering up at him.

“Can I kiss you?” You asked him and he chuckled.

“Always.” He hummed and you laughed and tip-toed a bit more and your lips met in a sweet and chaste kiss.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You gave him another kiss with each ‘thank you’ and he was a smiley and blushing mess before you. “My parents are going to die when they hear about this.”

“Well, part two…they’re coming as well.” He said and you pulled away.

“No.”

“Yeah!” He laughed happily and you shook your head.

“Harry.”

“I swear it. Your mum and dad, and my mum and her boyfriend. A proper date night. Though the meeting bit is just for us two.” He added and you were crying now, it seemed something ridiculous, but it was a full circle moment.

“This is so nice of you.” You whispered as you hugged him again.

“Hey, look at me, my love.” He hummed and you glanced up at him, “It’s not just a concert, you know? I want to do this with you and with our parents t-to also show them that it’s not just a for fun thing. This is about the future. Our future.” He said and you nodded. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, “I’m gonna kiss you for real now.” You said and he chuckled.

“Yeah, do it. Please.” He insisted and you chuckled.

Your lips were soon colliding gently and moving in an improvised but effortless dance together. You relaxed in his arms, you loved the warmth of his hands around your waist and then traveling down to your hips as he held you tight. It was a feat as challenging as the greek mythological quests trying to keep your composure around him. Everything just felt so easy and right when you were together, it always had. But now it was even stronger than before, you could feel the love emanating from him as you held each other and kissed passionately.

“Baby,” he mumbled, “can I…say something?” He asked and you nodded and pulled back from the kiss but he chased after you and kissed you deeply again before also keep the distance so he could speak properly. “I know we said no more jumping into things with people but you’re not just anyone, you know?” He said and you smiled a bit, “The love I have for you has been here the whole time. I’m not burying the hurt by wanting to be with you, it’s not like that with you, you know that.” He said and you nodded, “I want to be with you. I want to a relationship with you. I don’t want to wait anymore, I’ve already wasted so much time.” He said and you caressed his cheek with your thumb, “And I…I see the woman you’ve become. How you’ve grown and blossomed so beautifully-”

“You too!” You sniffled and he smiled.

“Thank you.” He chuckled, “But ummm…I don’t want to miss out on this. On you. It’s different with you, you know that.” He said, “Let’s do this again. Be my girlfriend, please?” He asked and you laughed happily and kissed him.

“Yeah. I will.” You whispered against his lips.

“You will what?” He asked with a grin and kissed you a few times, awaiting your response.

“I’ll be your girlfriend.” You said breathlessly with a smile. 

Harry was beaming and his hand came around the back of your neck, holding you gently as he dipped down and you kissed once again. He was slower this time, but the intensity was still at all time high. You felt your lust for him simmering steadily, nearly ready to bubble over into a boil with whatever move he’d make next. Your skin was tingling, excited to feel his touch once again.

“Can I take you to your room?” He asked, his lips gently smearing against your cheek as he spoke and then kissed you there.

“Yes.” You confirmed and he found your hand and led you through your house until you were bursting through the door and he was kissing you ardently as you walked backwards into the dim, cool room. His hands slid down your waist and landed over your backside, he caressed over it and gave your cheeks a light squeeze.

“I miss being able to do that.” He chuckled and you laughed a bit. You weren’t as thin as the people he had dated lately, so there was a little more to grab onto. You didn’t mind it, you were happy with yourself and you knew you were healthy, so you didn’t feel bad or find a need to even compare and it was relieving to you that he felt the same. “You’re exquisite. You know that right?” He asked and you smiled timidly at his compliment.

“How about you show me show exquisite you are first.” You suggested and he chuckled and was quick to take a step back and pull off his shirt, not even bothering with the buttons. 

Like a moth to a flame, you were right up against him again, kissing down his neck lightly. Trying not to smile too much as you traveled down to his pecs and the smattering of hair between them tickled your nose a little as you smooshed a kiss over his sternum. Your hands slid up his abs, you could feel his tummy flex a bit from the tickles your light touches were causing. You continued sliding it up until your index finger was hooking into the chain of his trusty pendant with the Jesus and penis charms. You tugged it down a bit before arching up into him and kissing him again. His hands slid up your back, his fingers feeling around for the pull on the zipper for your dress. 

“It’s on the right side.” You guided him and he was quick to take his hands there and slid it down. 

Harry helped the straps off of your shoulders, planting kisses on each shoulder blade before letting the dress drop down to the floor. You weren’t wearing a bra with it as the neckline was a bit strange, but he didn’t seem to mind that one bit. He groaned at the sight of your breasts bare before him and he immediately brought his hands up to them and kneaded them gently in his big, warm palms. You sighed in relief and glanced up at him and he seemed to have snapped. He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you towards your bed. He sat and pulled you onto his lap in a straddling position and kissed you urgently. His tongue met yours sloppily before he started to kiss down your jaw, then your neck and finally he reached your chest. You arched your back in as he gently sucked on your collar bone and then skimmed his lips down to your right breast before parting them and latching around your nipple, effectively hardening it in a second. You moaned in relief as his blunt nails dug into your back as he started sucking more fervently.

“Yes! That’s so good.” You whimpered as he moaned around you. You peered down, looking at his gorgeously hollowed our cheeks as he sucked and nibbled at your tender little bud before popping off and moving to the other one. He payed it just as much attention, letting you whimper and whine as he went a little harder on you. Your fingers scratched against his scalp and you chuckled as he pulled back, nipple still in his mouth until it inevitably slipped out with a soft popping sound. He buried himself in the crook of your neck and inhaled and then exhaled, sounding relieved.

“I missed the scent of you and your perfume. I’d forgotten how good it is.” He said softly.

“I do too. Even had the same body wash you use for a while.” You said and he pulled away and smiled up at you.

“Yeah, baby?” You nodded.

“I’m never gonna forget again.” He told you with certainty and you smiled and caressed his cheek with the back of your hand. He leaned into your touch and let his eyes close for a moment.

“I’ve imagined this moment so many times.” You whispered and his eyes fluttered open and met yours. He smiled softly, peering up at you with so much love it made your insides flutter. 

“I have too.” He whispered back and kissed your lips quickly. “Hold on tight.” He said and you did and he stood and then had you on the bed as he laid over you.

He started to kiss down your body, you were already so wet for him, but knowing what was coming next practically had your legs trembling preemptively and your walls fluttering in excitement. He didn’t waste time or tease you at all, he needed this as badly as you needed it. He was quick to pull your underwear down your legs and toss it aside as he slid further down, parting your legs so that he could fit between them. He kissed down your mound and up your thighs before he nuzzled right up against your center, his stubble tickling your sensitive skin. You would normally want to be clean shaven if you knew someone was going down on you, just out of convenience, but you knew he didn’t care about that. He groaned happily at your scent and the softness of you against his lips as he puckered them up a bit and kissed at you a little bit, each time nuzzling a bit deeper until he brushed against your clit and you bit your lip in anticipation. 

“Fuck H, please. Please.” You begged and he let go of all the restraint he had inside of him and just let his tongue roll out as he spread your legs further so that he could lap up from your dripping entrance to your clit. He flicked over it a little bit before giving it heavier licks until you were pushing him closer and moaning in pleasure. Your hips were writhing up against his mouth and he moved with you, loving how you were losing yourself in this moment. He then started to gently suck around you as he sensed your growing need. You were soaking wet, making a right mess of his chin and you were obsessed with how he was using his mouth. He’s always been eager to please this was excellent. Clearly, he was well aware of what he could do now and it was amazing, “Fuck baby, that’s so good!” You gasped as he slurped on you until your legs were tensing up as your pleasure started to escalate further and further until they started to tremble. He was incessant, your chest almost burned from how shallow you were breathing, and in seconds you were inhaling sharply and moaning melodiously as your orgasm hit you. “Oh, I’m coming!” You mewled and held him against you as he licked you through it, mumbling about how good you tasted and how much he missed it. He didn’t even warn you when you felt his index finger rubbing at your sopping entrance.

“Can I?”

“Yeah, do it. Please.” You hummed and he gently pushed it inside. He moaned along with you, you were wet enough for another, so he pulled it out and then sunk back in along with his middle finger. His long fingers reached deep into you and rubbed against your walls, going deeper and deeper with each plunge until he had gone deep enough to reach into the soft spongy spot inside of you that had you crying out his name. He kissed up your stomach, waist, chest, and neck all to reach your lips again and breathe in your exhales of pleasure.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight and warm f’me.” He hummed into your mouth and you nodded, “So good for me.” He muttered and you smiled against his lips. 

Your hands slid down his bare torso and reached down to feel his erection straining against his pants. You rubbed into it, using the heel of your palm to add a bit more pressure. His jaw tensed as he inhaled shakily through his nostrils. You started to rub at him in a matching pace to his fingers sinking into you. You wanted to feel him inside of you desperately. 

“Harry. Baby, I need you.” You whimpered and he nodded and kissed you hard before retreating from you. 

He got off of the bed and reached for his belt buckle, his desperation and eagerness coming through in the form of his shaky hands. He soon got it undone and pulled it out before getting to the button and zipper on them and he tugged them down along with his underwear. He stepped out of them and quickly climbed back over your naked body. Feeling your warmth together like this was something that he’d been thinking of constantly since he’d seen you the year before. He was eager to be close to you in this way and finally, he had it.

“I have condoms in the bathroom, but I also have an IUD.” You informed him and he licked over his lips as his eyes met yours.

“D-do you mind if I go bare? Want to feel you so bad, want to fill you up, want you to feel it all.” He said and you kissed him as you shook your head.

“I don’t mind.” You assured him.

“Sure?”

“Yeah.” You nodded and he kissed you once more, slower this time.

“I’ve only been waiting to have you again for…years?” He chuckled and you did too, “This might be over a little fast. But I assure you, I have far more in me. A couple rounds worth so-”

“It’s fine. Did you not see how fast I came?” You giggled.

“True.” He chuckled and tucked your hair behind your ear, “God, you’re so beautiful.” He complimented. His voice was soft and genuine and the love in his eyes made you feel faint. You leaned up and kissed him.

“I love you.” 

“I love you.” He whispered against your lips. Your kiss deepened and naturally, things started to progress. You pressed your body up into his, feeling his erection laying heavy between the two of you. You raised your hips up to feel it brushing up against your sticky folds and he sighed in relief at the slick warmth that his cock was up against now. “Fuck, put me inside, baby.” He said to you and you angled your up hips up a little bit more and guided him to your entranced. His thick tip prodded at your weepy, little hole, teasing at the entrance. You writhed around, trying to get him inside and he smiled, “That feels so nice.” He said and you smiled, “So wet for me, baby. All for me, isn’t it?”

“Yes, baby. S’all for you.” You confirmed through a needy exhale and he kissed you again and then propelled his weight further forward until there was enough pressure against you that he sunk inside and you gasped in relief as he moaned into your mouth. 

“Fuuuuck.” he moaned as he bottomed out and you whimpered as you felt so full. You swore he was in your lower tummy, he was bigger than you remembered. You recalled that he loved a little bite of pain, so when he wriggled a bit and sunk in a bit further you winced and dug your fingernails into his back. He made the most delicious sound, it made you feral and he started to thrust in slowly but achingly deep, it was making your thoughts completely blank. “You feel so good, baby. Fuck, you’re so good, my love.” He panted in pleasure.

You were covered in goosebumps, relishing in the feeling of intimacy with Harry. With the love of you life. Everything suddenly felt right with the world. Your back was arching because each and every time he was thrusting in, he was hitting a spot that made you feel like you would soon levitate. Your hands roamed the skin of his back, feeling his muscles working to bring you both all the pleasure in the world. It was the most harmonious sex of your life, you were both yearning to be closer than you already were. It was absolutely necessary to get closer. 

While still inside, he pinned your hips down with his and knelt up making you gasp in shock as he got even deeper like this. You suddenly felt strung out as he started to pick up his pace, his hips undulated and ground against yours in the most satisfying ways. You were encouraging him, praising him for how well he was fucking you. He was giving everything to you, you could feel it in his movements and in the rising temperature between the two of you. Damp skin and filthy wet sounds from the place where your bodies were connecting perfectly. You could feel your orgasm starting to build again so you slipped your hand between your bodies and started to rub precise circles into your clit and he moaned.

“Oh, that’s it, baby. Rub your little clit for me, want you come for me.” He encouraged you and you sped up a little more, “Look at me. Please, look at me.” He panted and your eyes slowly blinked open and met his. He smiled softly and pressed his forehead to yours, his gaze burning into you, making you feel like the only other person in the world. “Fuck, it feels so good with you. You feel so good.” He groaned and you whimpered as you started to reach the peak.

“I’m so close, baby!” You warned and he nodded.

“Come for me, love. Let me feel you coming so hard on my cock.” He egged you on and you suddenly felt warm all over as you started to come undone. Everything inside of you was singing beautifully. You felt like you were burning bright, like a dying star, you were crashing and burning, it was a spectacle to behold. “That’s it, baby. That’s so fucking good, fuck you feel so good, love.” He praised you with a smile, “S’gonna make me come…fuck, you’re gonna make me come.” He grunted.

“Yes, baby. Please come inside me. Please give it to me.” You begged as your orgasm continued thanks to his fast and desperate thrusting into you. His eyes blinked shut and his eyebrows furrowed down as his lips fell open and he let out a low moan, “Oh fuck. Fuck, m’gonna fill up your little pussy. Fuck! Oh fuck, Y/n…fuck yeah, baby.” He sighed and then buried himself as deep as he could go and you gasped as you felt his cock twitching inside of you as he painted your insides with his generous load of cum. He was still for a few seconds before grabbing your hair and tugging you up so that he could kiss you. Your lips met sloppily as he started to thrust gently into you. Your abs were burning and your legs were shaking as he continued fucking into you slow, milking every drop of his sperm into you. “I love you. Loveyousomuch.” He slurred against your mouth.

After a few moments you had both settled down, trying your best to catch your breaths as you basked in the warmth, holding each other close. Your fingers scratched at his scalp gently, it felt so nice and relaxing. His lips were kissing at the part of your skin that they could reach while he held you close.

“I’m never letting you go again.” He whispered.

“Good.” You hummed and he smiled.

“This is where I belong. I feel safe with you. I feel seen. I feel…”

“Whole?” You whispered and he nodded.

“Yeah, you make me feel satisfied with myself.” He said and you smiled.

“You make me feel whole too. I love you.”

“I love you.” He hummed, “Forever.” He added with a smile.

.... THE END ....

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[naturesapphic]

Halloween request! Nat and femRs Halloween with their baby daughter (first Halloween where she understands). Nat doesn't know what the costume is until she comes home and it's something totally silly and she won't give in until she sees her baby come out in something so cute. My first thought is a bumblebee and r and Nat are flowers lol.

Halloween surprise

Mom!natasha Romanoff x Mom!fem!reader

Warnings: fluff :)

“Honeys I’m home!” Nat said raising her voice so you could hear her when she entered y’all’s shared home. You went down the stairs and immediately jumped into your wife’s arms, wrapping yourself completely around her. “I see that someone missed me. Where’s Emily?” She asked you and you gave her a smirk. “She’s in our room waiting for her other mama to get into her costume so we can all go out for trick or treating.” You simply stated and nat gave you an unimpressed look. “I’m not dressing up in anything until I see what I’m getting myself into.” She said, standing her ground.

You groaned. “But it’s supposed to be a surprise! I wanted us to get dressed first then you can see our adorable daughter!” You begged her and she shook her head no. “Nope. I wanna see our baby in her costume first.” She demanded softly and you pouted. “Fine. But this means that you have to dress up with us.” You told her sternly and she rolled her eyes playfully at you as you dragged her upstairs to y’all’s shared room. “Yeah yeah whatever. We’ll see.” She said and you opened the door to the bedroom and emily came running over to Natasha and hugged her legs. “Look mama! I’m a bumblebee!” She exclaimed and Natasha started laughing at how cute her daughter looks and picked her up in her arms.

“You are a bumblebee pumpkin! The cutest one I know.” Natasha exclaimed and Emily giggled at her mamas compliment. “Thanks mama! Mommy said that you two will be flowers!” Emily said excitedly and Natasha gave you a blank stare and you gave her a sheepish smile in return. “Only for Emily.” She suddenly stated and you pouted. “What about doing it for me?” You said as you poked your bottom lip out and gave her the famous puppy dog eyes. She mumbled under her breath and put Emily down onto her feet. “Yeah yeah you too. Now here’s the costumes? I’m ready to get this over with.” Natasha grumbled out and you sent her a big smile which caused her frown to turn into a little smile.

You and nat went into the bathroom to quickly change as Emily was drawing on the floor, waiting for her mommies to get done getting dressed. You opened the door and skipped out excitedly, showing the costume off to her daughter as Natasha followed behind you with a grumpy stern look on her face. “Look Emily! We are flowers! Now we all match!” You exclaimed to her and Emily giggled as she saw you two together. “Hehe you and mama look silly!” She laughed out and you gave her a smile while natasha gave her a playful glare. “Come on my babies. Let’s go our treat or treating!” You said happily as you picked up your five year old daughter and carried her on your hip as you went down the stairs with natasha trailing behind you.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” You said suddenly and took out your phone to take a quick picture of your family. “If you post that I will kick your ass.” Natasha threatened you lightheartedly. “Mama said a bad word!” Emily said pointing at her mother and gasping out. “You’re right Emily I’m sorry. I’ll go put a dollar in the no swearing jar.” Natasha reassured Emily and went into the kitchen and came out a few moments later. “Now…let’s go out and have some fun!” You said excitedly as you went out the door with your wife following behind you. Tonight will be fun.

A/n: I hope the anon who requested this likes it and I hope everyone else does too! Sorry this took so long to post. I will be posting some of my other Halloween requests as well on my other character books. Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all! :)

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

all can we get a part 4 of all i wanted was you when they have a baby 😩😩 that would be so cute

Love - Chapter 1

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

Janelle is played by Justine Skye

Hopefully this is only 2 chapters but you know me lol it might be more.

Sequel to All I Need Is You: Read Here

Taglist: @christinabae @southerngirl41 @reci24 @jeyusos-girl @jeyusosgirl @melaninsugababy @baconeggndcheez @bemybabiibish @jstarr86 @nbanenefrmdao @purplehairgawdess @arination99 @alyyaanna @m3llowww @gomussy @jeysbae @hennyyybarb @babysyhsy @bebesobrielo

“I think I'm pregnant.” Janelle said out of the blue, causing Trinity and Sefa’s wife Maya to choke on their drinks and look over at her. 

“Girl what! What do you mean you think?”  Janelle sighed and looked over to where Josh was playing football with his brothers and some of his cousins. Josh and Janelle had just moved into a new house and Josh had wanted to throw a housewarming party. 

“I mean we haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other lately and my period is late.”  Trinity sat up in her lawn chair and stared at Janelle. 

“Did you take a test?” Janelle shook her head. “Why not?” 

“Because..” She said trailing off and shrugging her shoulders. 

“I mean you and Josh moved into a bigger house for a reason right?” Maya asked, arching her eyebrow. Janelle rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, better schools in this county for Xavi and more backyard space for stuff like this.” She said, nodding her head towards the backyard, where damn near all of Josh’s family had gathered. 

Trinity rolled her eyes. “Ok if the last part was true y’all could’ve gotten a house with 4 bedrooms like the old house, instead yall got 6 bedrooms. What y'all need 6 bedrooms for?” 

Janelle sighed and looked back over at Josh. “I bought the test. I’m just scared to take it.” Trinity jumped to her feet and grabbed Janelle pulling her into the house and Maya followed them. 

“Come on, take the test.” Janelle let Trinity lead her to the bedroom. 

“Lock the door behind you.” Janelle said to Maya as she walked over to her dresser and pulled the pregnancy test out. She looked over and Trinity who pointed to the bathroom door. Janelle ground as she made her way to the bathroom. 

What if she was pregnant? She wanted to have kids with Josh but what if she wasn’t a good mom? What if she actually turned out to be like her mom? 

She jumped when the timer on her phone went off. She wiped her palms on her tights before standing up off the toilet and grabbing the test. She let out a gasp when she seen the plus sign. 

She jumped again when Trinity called her name . “J? What's taking so long?” 

Janelle opened the door and handed Trinity the test. “I’m pregnant.”  Maya gasped and tried to contain her smile.  Maya looked between Trinity and Janelle. Trinity had a wide smile on her face and was bouncing on her toes. Janelle looked scared. Her eyes were wide and she was shaking a bit. 

“Janelle, calm down.” Maya said as she grabbed a hold of Janelle’s hands and let her over to the bed. “Here, sit down.” Janelle sat down and stared down at the test in her hands. Pregnant… She was pregnant. 

“What am I going to do?” She asked looking up at Maya and Trinity. 

“Well for now we’re going to go back outside and continue on with the party. Then you’ll tell Josh and you guys will decide from there.” Maya said rubbing Janelles shoulder comfortably. “Everything is going to be okay.” 

Josh’s face was scrunched up in confusion as he looked around for Janelle. Maya and Trinity were missing too. 

“Hey, have you seen Janelle?” He asked one of his aunties who shook her head. Josh shrugged and made his way into the house, needing to use the bathroom. He decided to use the one in his bedroom. Before he could open the door he heard Trin, Maya and Janelle talking. 

He knew that It was wrong to listen in on their conversation but Janelle had been acting off all day. His eyebrows furrowed when he heard Janelle ask what she was going to do. He was about to walk away when the door opened and Janelle stood in front of him. 

“Josh. What are you doing?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Me? I was coming to use the bathroom. What are you doing?” He asked, peeking into the room. 

“Talking.” She said as Maya and Trinity walked out of the room, giving them privacy. 

“About what?” He asked and she sighed. It was now or never. 

“I’m pregnant.” She blurted out. He froze mid stride. 

“Josh?” She said when he didn’t move. She got off the bed and walked towards his placing a hand on his shoulder, breaking him out of his trance. 

“I uh. I have to pee.” He said pointing towards the bathroom and walking in, shutting the door. Janelle stared at the closed door, she honestly didn’t know how to feel about his reaction. She sighed and plopped down on the bed, resting her head in her hands. She looked up when the bathroom door opened and Josh walked out the bathroom. 

“So” He said, coming and squatting down in front of her. “We’re having a baby.” She nodded. 

“Yeah I think.” She whispered. “Are you okay?” 

“Are you okay?” He countered with. Grabbing her hands and squeezing them. She nodded again. 

“Yeah I'm just..” She trailed off shrugging. “Scared I guess.” He placed a kiss on the back of her hand, 

“That's understandable J.” He stood up and pulled her to her feet. He placed his hands on her stomach and smiled at her. “I love you.” She smiled and placed her hands over his. 

“I love you too.” 

“Are you okay?” She asked placing her hand on his knee so he would stop bouncing it. He nodded and shifted in his seat. 

“Yeah, I just wish they hurry up.”  She laughed and looked back at the magazine she was reading. 

“Josh, we only been here for 5 minutes, relax.” He huffed at her and shifted in his seat again. She let out a sigh of relief when she heard her name being called. She and Josh stood up and followed the worker into one of the exam rooms. 

“So I see you’re here because you took a pregnancy test ?” She asked typing on the computer. 

“Yes. We just wanted to make sure it’s not a false positive.” The nurse nodded her head and typed something else. 

“Completely understandable.” She turned in her chair and smiled at Janelle and Josh. “I’ll be right back.” She said getting up and walking out the door. 

Janelle nodded and let out a breath that she was holding. She looked over at Josh who smiled at her. “You good?” He asked her and she nodded. 

They both looked towards the door when it opened and the nurse walked in handing Janelle a urine cup. “The bathroom is this way, you can follow me.” 

“How long does it normally take?” Josh asked once Janelle came back in the room. She shrugged and sat down on the chair next to him. 

“I don’t know.” She said chewing on her bottom lip. “It shouldn’t be that long.”  He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. 

“No matter what. I love you Janelle.” 

“I love you too Joshua.” She said as she leaned over to kiss him. They broke apart once the door opened and the nurse walked in. 

“Hi Ms Porter. So I have your results and you are indeed pregnant.” Janelle let out the breath that she had been holding. “I sent some prenatal vitamins over to the pharmacy we have on file just make sure you take one every morning, preferably in the morning and make sure you take it with food, never on an empty stomach.”  Janelle nodded and smiled at Josh when he placed a hand on her stomach. 

“Let's set you up for a follow up appointment.” Josh leaned over and kissed Janelle on her cheek. 

“We havin’ a baby Nelle.” 

Hey guys. I've been working on this for a minute. Hopefully you all enjoy ❤️

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Chapter Sixteen

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: angsty angst… it’s not getting better anytime soon lol and a few cuss words.

Notes: Ngl this one is a little light on the word count(so sorry!), but ya girl has been dealing with a week of no power following a hurricane… This chapter still hurt me in the chest, but I’m trying to be patient while I get to the juicy bits! If the name I have for your blog isn’t working, please let me know and I can fix it asap for you!

Word Count: 1300

Series Masterlist

• Late September, 2005 • Forks HS •

Reader

Getting involved romantically with a vampire - what’s there to lose?

Everything, apparently.

To include my sanity, my piece and fucking quiet too.

“Did you finally scare him off? Or did he realize he could do better and run for the hills?” Lauren Mallory sneers, Forks High School’s resident bitch.

Her manicured hand slowly slides up my locker door and snaps it shut, I manage to snatch my hand back in time to avoid the thin metal before it could do any damage.

Rolling my eyes, I turn and head towards my next class silently, not in the mood to engage for fear of tossing fuel onto her fire. I can hear her cackle as I walk away, thankfully she doesn’t follow or I would’ve truly lost it.

Rounding the corner and finally out of her line of sight, I beeline for the nearest bathroom. Stumbling in, I push open the closest unoccupied stall and sit on the toilet, bag in my lap.

Eyes closed, deep breaths, it’s fine. Everything is fine. Her words mean nothing and they’re empty, she’s an opportunistic cunt and doesn’t know the situation. Her words mean nothing, Y/n.

Except they plant a seed of doubt anyways.

He did run for the hills, they all did. I told him I loved him and nothing. Gone, erased from my life, ripped off like a stuck band aid that leaves behind a red welt and a slight sting.

Except there’s nothing slight about the sting in my chest. Breathe Y/n, or you’ll lose the fucking plot and freak. With shaking hands, I pull out a pack of gum and unwrap a stick - something minty to focus on.

Two quick knocks on the stall door break me from my thoughts, “Occupied!” I manage to choke out.

“It’s me, you alright?” Angela Weber’s quiet voice rings out in the otherwise empty bathroom.

“Oh um, yeah. I-I’m okay.” The tremble in my voice is obvious, but thankfully she affords me the nicety of not commenting on it.

“Okay, well I just wanted to check on you.” A pause, “I saw what happened in the hallway, she’s wrong you know.” My breath hitches and I know she hears it. “Everyone saw the way he looked at you… Just know, she’s wrong.”

I watch under my stall door as her white tennis shoes disappear and the main bathroom door swings shut, quickly swallowing a sob trying to worm it’s way up my throat.

Some days he feels like a figment of my imagination, a dream I dreamt and can’t discern from reality. And some days I’m reminded that he was real, that he made me feel things I can’t get rid of.

Things I really wished I could get rid of.

One of the worst side effects of them being gone is how lonely I didn’t realize I’d be without them. I mean, from my first day here Jasper captivated me.

Now… Now everything seems dull and draining. A different kind of quiet that leaves me empty, a complete opposite to his comfortable silence. No one to talk to, no one to look forward to seeing, no one that understands.

Well, one person understands.

But she’s not exactly here enough to carry a conversation. Not that I can blame her, I’ve been avoiding people in my own way. They either ask about them and why they’re gone or they look at me with pity, both of which I don’t care to experience.

The days begin blurring together, the rain that’s always pouring over the Olympic Peninsula drowns everything constantly - almost as if the sky is sad in solidarity with me. Music seems too itchy and loud, books are too hard to focus on to just read what’s on the page, and just about anything else I could think of to get him off my mind is too… Complex. Stressful. Monumentous. Impossible.

Three familiar rapid, but soft knocks at my door snap me from the reverie of my silent room.

“Dinner is ready, sweetheart.” I think the crease between my mother’s brow is a permanent fixture nowadays, one that’s entirely my fault.

“I’m not really hungry.” Watching her face fall immediately has me scrambling for a cover, “But I’m sure I’ll be hungry later if you save some in the fridge.” The smile I give her isn’t fooling anyone, but at least I’m trying.

I have to try.

“Okay baby girl, you say the word and I’ll heat it up for you.” She lingers a few beats longer, her grip on the doorframe looks like it’s the only thing keeping her upright before she retreats downstairs.

My mom isn’t the most involved in my life and I prefer it that way, but Jasper being gone… The way it’s affected me is also taking its toll on her and it’s obvious. Guilt begins worming it’s way into my chest and prickles at the corners of my eyes, fuck.

I have to try.

• Late October, 2005 • Ithaca, New York •

Jasper

Life has been… extremely off-kilter since that night.

My hunger comes with a vengeance I’ve never experienced and my moods? They rival Rosalie’s and I’m supposed to be able to control them.

I’ve tried going longer between feedings to try and beat this crisis into submission, but it feels as though I’m fighting an uphill battle and I can’t see the crest of the mountain. I’m drowning and these feelings are dragging me further from the surface, the light is getting harder to see and my lungs are screaming.

Emmett hasn’t spoken to me this entire time out of frustration and I get it. The rest of my family is on pins and needles, the silence at home stretching open with every passing moment. Esme has been nothing but a pile of worry since Edward decided to become nomadic for a while. A temptation I myself feel, but can’t act on - not while my hunger is this volatile. Carlisle is working the night shift at a nearby hospital, our new location not as overcast as our previous one. Alice… Alice is angry. I catch her staring off into space more often than not and I know, the temptation to ask is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to. Rose is strangely quiet, content to take care of small things around the house Esme would normally busy herself with and trying to cheer her mate up to no avail.

It all feels too much and not enough.

I know that if I could sleep, I would dream of her. I would try to at least. Try to remember her scent, the softness of her sweaters, the curve of her hip, the way she sinks into me when I hold her… White-hot flames lick me from the inside out and I close my eyes against the inferno, her smile a torturous image behind my eyelids. Get a grip - for fuck’s sake, you chose this to keep her safe.

I chose this to keep her safe.

I will keep her safe. Even if that means staying away from her, even if that means removing her, my heart, from my chest.

“I love you.”

Her confession rips through me even now, three of the most perfect combinations of words to grace those beautiful lips and I… Left her. Like a coward.

I left behind my heart on the driveway of a now cold and empty house. Alone. Unanswered.

But she’s safe. Safe from the monster crawling around under the surface of my skin, begging and pleading to be set free.

Safe from me.

Next

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@RavensandWriters -I couldn’t find your blog sweetheart! Your entry on google forms had spaces and I’m not sure if it might’ve auto-corrected, I’m so sorry!!🥺 if you see this, shoot me a PM or comment and I’ll fix it!

[sugawhaaa]

Beomgyu x reader

E M O B O Y

Pairings: switch!beomgyu x switch!fem!reader

Warnings:smut...like hard core

Genre:friends to lovers, childhood friends, smut

Themes: blow job, public sex, oral sex, based off the song by Ayesha Erotica

Word count: 2,150

A/N: this actually sucks...I really don't like it. I feel like the descriptions for the spicy time sounded weird no matter how I tried to describe it? Idk let me know if you genuinely like this lol

You leaned against the wall of the bathroom in the mall as your friends gossiped. There wasn't anything too interesting going around lately but according to your friends there was a lot. You kept an ear out as your friends dolled themselves up in the mirrors. Of course when gossip is being talked about boys come up.

One of your friends, kizzy, brought up her boyfriend and added on some info you really didn't need to know about him. But your other friends seemed to enjoy this topic. It was strange to say the least, you're all from the ages 19-21 so all this sex talk is completely normal yet you always felt out of place. I mean it's not like you haven't thought of anything like that but it's still odd to talk about.

Your thoughts got interrupted as the girls started discussing their next shopping destination.

"Hey, Y/N you haven't picked a place yet! You should choose the next one," Sissy said with a smile, her shining pink lip gloss drawing attention to her lips.

"Um, I'm good. I don't really care where we go haha, we all like the same stores anyway," You said with a shrug and a complimentary smile.

"That's true…" Kizzy said as she thought to herself. "Alright so how about Spencer's? What do ya think!?" She said with a clap of her hands, it echoed throughout the (hopefully) empty bathroom.

"Oh you whore you just want to go to the back section," You commented making everyone laugh as they packed up their makeup including Kizzy.

After getting to Spencer's the girls all roamed around the store in groups of two, you were with Sissy in the LGBTQ+ section. It didn't take long for the girls to get bored and head to the store across from Spencer's, hot topic.

"So what's the deal with you and that boy," kizzy nudged you with her elbow. Of course you didn't forget that Beomgyu works there but you pretended to act dumb.

"Who?" You said widening your eyes.

"The cute boy with the long hair. He works here?" She said as we walked in.

"Oh him yeah. What about him?" You said as you automatically followed Kizzy to the anime area.

"You get closer to him?" She said with excitement on her face.

"I mean I can't really get much closer, we've been friends since first grade," you said with a shrug. Kizzy just nodded her head and sighed. That's when Sissy, Abigail and Minnie came over. They had a ton of things with them already and we'd only been there for five minutes. They were showing Kizzy everything they found when Abigail showed her a pair of strawberry earrings and a cute strawberry dress. Kizzy flipped out and asked her to show where they were. All the girls giggled off to another area, you kept browsing around when you heard an ever so familiar voice.

"Need any help Y/N?" He said with a smirk. You looked up to the source of the sound and viola Beomgyu standing over you. Today he was wearing about a thousand layers of black clothes. A my chemical romance tee, with a baggy fishnet over top of it, he also wore baggy and slightly ripped jeans. As for accessories he wore a black choked with some small spikes, a cross necklace, a skull necklace, a metal star belt, tons of rings, snake bite lip piercings, and a nose piercing. His make up was Suttle today, just some cloudy black/blue eyeshadow.

"Oh Beomgyu you scared me!" You said with a slight jump.

"I'm not that scary looking!" He said, crossing his arms and tipping his chin up. You laughed as you set your hand on his shoulder. You sighed and started stretching. All this walking around was making you tired.

"Getting too old for this already?" Beomgyu chuckled lowly.

"Hey! No. Just these girls move faster than sonic when it comes to clothes and cute boys,"

"So that's why you're all here," he said looking down at you while leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Yeah they somehow always find the cutest things here,"

"What can I say, it's in my genes," beomgyu said, flipping his hair. You laughed at him and he grinned as well. His dark bangs hung in his face as he laughed. "Anyways, do you want to sit for a minute," he said gesturing to the back of the shop.

"Yes please," you laughed. He led you to the back of the store and you sat behind the counter with this other girl who was wearing a very scene fashioned outfit. She was very kind and bubbly but you seemed to forget her. You sat awkwardly as Beomgyu and the scene girl chatted. It was quite the awkward angle, but Beomgyus Jean's did fit on him nicely. Your cheeks were red at your dirty thoughts. You patted your face trying to snap yourself out of it. You looked down at the floor and saw Beomgyu wearing some new boots.

"Gyu, are those new?" You said pointing to his shoes. He looked down and nodded.

"Yup I actually got them from here," he laughed. He then bent down to your level, looking you in the eyes. You blushed and tried to keep eye contact, he rested his arms on your bare thighs. You jumped slightly at the cold feeling of his bracelets. The look in his eyes suddenly turned you on so much causing you to reflexively rub your thighs together. Doing so secretly so Beomgyu wouldn't notice anything. "Are you alright? You seem off," he said looking up at you with lustful eyes.

"J-just hungry," you avoided his eyes. He grabbed you by the wrist and said

"Alright, I have some snacks in the back," he said looking up at the scene girl.

"It's fine your shift is almost over," she said with a wave of her hand. He took you to the very back of the shop to a door. He opened it and dragged you into the pitch black room. It was a little closet filled with some random trinkets they might need. He shut the door tightly and turned to you.

"So what do you feel like eating," he said with a smile as he turned the lights on. You looked at him suspiciously.

"Um, maybe a bite of you," you said jokingly. You laughed while Beomgyu gave you a bit of a peculiar stare. He inched closer to you as he rested his hands up aimlessly aiming for you.

"Gyu?" You said as his lustful gaze burned through you. You put your hands on his boney shoulders, the feeling of his warm body on yours. You then found your back against the wall as Beomgyu's hands were placed on the wall. Pinning you to him.

"You aren't actually hungry are you?" He said with a smirk.

"W-what?" You stuttered as your cheeks heated up. There's no way he actually figured you all out! Right?

"A minute ago you said you were hungry, but I think you actually meant to say horny," he said with a small smile. Your eyes widened before looking away from him. He just got closer to you, close enough to kiss you. His addictive scent filled your nose as his hand gently swiped some loose strands of hair behind your ear. "God you're so pretty," he said as his lips came closer to yours. Your eyes started fluttering shut while Beomgyu looked down at you. He stood there waiting for some kind of permission to kiss you.

You grabbed him by the shirt harshly and pulled him in for a rough kiss. It was messy and uncoordinated. Hands and tongues roaming heated skin. Moans and hums filled the small closet. It wasn't long before your curious hands found their way down to the zipper of Beomgyu's black jeans. You used your middle finger to rub up and down the zipper line. Beomgyus hands went up to your hair and played with it. You broke the ongoing kiss to breathe. Without any thoughts inside your head besides wanting to hear Beomgyu moan your name you went down on your knees. His hands still held onto your hair as you started undoing his jeans. Beomgyu panted above you as his hair hung in his face.

"Y/N what are you doing?" He said with a quivering voice. You pulled down his pants to see his hardened member before you.

"Getting a snack," you replied before wrapping your lips around him. He gasped before throwing his head back and covering his mouth. You slowly moved your mouth up and down his length before letting go for a quick breath. As you moved back, strings of his arousal connected with your saliva. Beomgyu looked down at the beautiful sight below him and he basically started petting you while praising you. You slipped your lips back around him and started going at a quicker pace using your spit as lube. Beomgyu bit his lip as he muffled his whines and moans.

"So good, so good," he kept whispering as you started using your hands for extra support. His moans started getting louder and more frequent as he bucked his hips into your mouth. Gyu then started speaking nonsense. A mix of "I'm so close" and "I'm gonna cum," and not surprisingly he was right. Your mouth filled with salty yet sweet and warm liquid. You choked slightly, making you cough, letting some of his cum drip from your lips. Beomgyu then fell to the floor in front of you. Shock was very present on his face along with the black strands of hair. He panted as some drool fell from the corner of his mouth.

Meanwhile you swallowed everything and started crawling over to him. You kissed him passionately as you fell to the floor. As he entertained your mouth his hands went to your ass abruptly moving his hands around. His hands traveled up to your waist before tugging and the hem of your skirt. He swiftly pulled them off as you took a breather.

"Now that I'm thinking about it," he started as he sat up straight, allowing your bare legs to rest on the floor. "I'm getting hungry myself," he said, pouncing on you, landing on the floor. He placed some hickies all down your jawline and neck. He pulled off your shirt before tracing more kisses, bites and hickies all along your body down to your tummy. He locked in between your thighs and over your still clothed pussy. You moaned and whined throughout the whole process.

"Beomgyu please, stop teasing," you whined as your hands found their way to his hair.

"Alright, you've been a very good girl," Beomgyu said, pulling down your undies. He quickly used his whole tongue across your whole entrance making you moan and squirm. He wasn't messing around when it came to giving oral, apparently. He ate you out like you were his last dessert to ever enjoy. He collected every last bit of your arousal. Beomgyu's long fingers then found their way inside you making you moan before covering your mouth. Gyu quietly hushed you before continuing to venture inside you. His fingers quickly moving around inside you to find that specific spot that'd make you scream his name. He decided to go as deep as possible into you and he found one spot that made you jolt up to him. You mumbled out "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my fucking God," a bunch as he kept hitting that same spot over and over.

You then felt your walls tighten around his slim fingers and your legs quivered. You warned Beomgyu about your high before his fingers were coated in your juices and his ears filled with loud moans. After you released everything his fingers went to his mouth, cleaning up all the mess you made on them.

"You taste so good," he moaned as he bent back down to your clit and started licking it. That's when the door burst opened.

"Alright Beomgyu get out your shifts over," the scene girl stood there not even phased by the situation at all.

"Close the door! My girlfriend doesn't want the whole world seeing her naked!" Beomgyu yelled and the girl closed the door.

"Fair. But Beomgyu if you don't get out I'll pull you out by your choker," she said outside the door before walking away to help some customers.

"Girlfriend?" You asked as you put on your clothes with Beomgyu.

"Oh um yeah," he said awkwardly as he slipped his jeans back on. "I thought since you just gave me a blowjob you'd want to be my boyfriend…" he said awkwardly as his cheeks filled with blush.

"Haha of course, babe," you said with a smile.

[fndmfrenzy]

higuchi death note appreciation post where i dump all my favorite higuchi things (mostly manga, some anime mentions). it's gonna be long, self indulgent and probably not that interesting.

here's all the moments where he's being rude to his coworkers. mainly takahashi and shimura. (also talking shit about his coworkers to misa)

i like this convo with rem, where he gives his motive rant. shame it was cut from the anime, but i get why they did it. also mostly unrelated but i think it's funny that out of all the people who act as kira light would be the only anti-kira one if he wasn't kira. like, if they never had anything to do with the notebook, but kira still existed: misa, higuchi, mikami and takada would still be pro-kira, but light definitely wouldn't if it wasn't him doing the killing :P

oh i love this panel. he's so silly

also: higuchi being so obviously kira at the meetings. bro do you think you're good at hiding it??? you're shit

special mention for L calling higuchi an idiot. light, you're too nice.

oh they read him. it's actually so embarrassing.

oh brother, this guy STINKS. everyone hating on him, so real. and he believes rem, misa and mido are on his side but they're actually not.

he's the biggest murder fan. his only rival for that title in death note is light (and maybe mikami? but mikami mostly kills criminals while light and higuchi target their opps)

i like the whole misa interview. there are no thoughts in higuchi's head. he seems really bored. isn't it in his interest to find out more about L? does he actually not gaf cause he wants to talk to misa in private anyway? or he's pretending to be disinterested to avoid looking sus? is he just stupid?

also something i thought about: higuchi going to the bathroom at the same time as misa and it not being relevant at all. in universe it's a coincidence (i mean misa decides after him so that's not the coincidence, but HIM going in the first place is random) but it's VERY convenient for rem. since she HAS to follow him the conditions for her to actually be able to talk to misa have to be very specific.

if misa was the only one to leave to the bathroom higuchi would notice rem going after her, since she's always near him. so higuchi goes first. i imagine rem waits outside (that's actually funny... think of the hijinks of girl shinigami & guy combo. ever though why light-ryuk and misa-rem are boy-boy and girl-girl? yeah i don't know what point i'm trying to make) or she could even stay in the meeting room and that's fine. so when he gets back she's either already there or she comes back after him but before misa (the second option seems more realistic since rem and misa have a whole ass conversation there, but it's more suspicious). did i think too much about this? probably.

btw i love how he looks in those panels. he looks so ugly lol. ugly-cute. somehow endearing.

the whole date with misa is amazing. misa is making it so awkward and it's awesome. like, from his perspective she wanted to go out with him but then she keeps calling him a creep. he's trying to play it off, but damn. misa you'll always be famous to me.

i actually prefer this scene in the anime, cause it feels longer. also love higuchi looking nervous after coming out as kira. they made him look more rapey in the anime, lunging at misa, but i like how they both look in this shot so it's forgiven i guess.

also i wonder if they actually went for dinner or were they too excited about kira stuff. misa would probably want to leave after getting the evidence, but isn't it weird? ohba i need answers.

this exchange is funny to me. wedy being annoyed that higuchi owns so many cars and L knowing the exact number. yeah i like that higuchi is a car guy.

bonus trivia: his car is a Porsche 911 and the gun is a Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum revolver. i think they have different models and i don't know which one exactly he has (my knowledge about guns is zero and they all look the same to me).

him being lefthanded is a cute little detail. like, i don't know why would you give a side villain a trait like that? well, i guess i could say the same about all the little trivia we get in the guidebook about the side characters or even the yotsuba character profiles in the main manga where they say what school they went to or their hobbies. it makes the characters feel more human/complex, i like it.

anyway, the only inconsistency with higuchi being lefthanded is him using the phone. it's usually in his right hand (i wouldn't hold the phone with my non dominant hand). my answer is artistic liberty. and i think it's basically confirmed since a lot of righthanded characters (namikawa, light i think?) for some reason hold the phone with their left? or maybe i'm the weird one and it's normal to hold the phone with your non dominant hand.

not related to him being lefthanded, but when he shoots soichiro he's holding the gun sideways. it's called the side grip and wikipedia states that: "Shooting a gun in this way has no practical benefit under most circumstances and makes proper aiming very difficult, but the style has become somewhat popular in hip hop culture and among street criminals [...]". it's meant to make him look cool and like a gangster. is he doing it on purpose? maybe he saw it in a movie (cute...)

higuchi yelling at the guy from yoshida pro. i love the voice acting here in the anime. i really like both his japanese and english voice... death note dub is good but i deffo prefer watching og ver.

classic kira stuff: predicted killings to prove you're kira. pages above show misa, higuchi and light doing it. i know it's a pretty obvious thing to do but i think it's fun.

the whole plot to catch higuchi is great. ofc it's my favorite part. i love him panicking and just making his situation worse. i kinda feel bad for him cause he's getting played badly.

there's so many things here that i like. higuchi being pragmatic enough to write matsui's name after his fakeout death. him realizing he can't ask his coworkers for help without revealing he's kira. him weaseling out of getting surrounded by 4 people and shooting soichiro. THE CAR CHASE. the car crash (lol). btw he looks relatively unharmed after crashing his car like that.

also i love the way he drifts his car in the anime. it looks way too cool. making a lame guy do something cool is fun.

his last ditch effort hostage/attempted suicide plan. i get secondhand embarrassment everytime. i love how he realizes it's ridiculous and gets so resigned and tries to pull the trigger (sad those panels were cut from the anime. actually a lot of characters' internal thoughts were cut and i wish that wasn't the case)

actually it's kinda sad that the only thing that matters to him is his job. guy doesn't have a life outside it lol. like, he's more afraid of losing his position at yotsuba than idk... getting executed for being a mass murderer?

special mention for light writing down higuchi's name with blood. it's more of a cool light thing, but i'm including it in my higuchi post (if i were to make a light one it would be the whole manga). i love love this scene. helicopter light is awesome.

i like matsu mimicking higuchi here. even using the left hand.

[dameronology]

stop, you're losing me (s.h)

taylor swift released a new song so here's a fic based on it. this doesn't have a happy ending btw it's just pure angst lol

warnings: language, angst, arguing

it's kinda short but i'm getting back into the swing of writing. love you all and thank you for bearing with me through the last few months.

jazz xx

If you stared at the wall for long enough, you could still see the shadows of what once. The rigid outlines of you and him, dancing around what had been an empty room this time two years ago; the contours of your bodies as you spent hours putting together furniture, desperate to make the space yours after years of uncertainty. Nailing pictures to the wall - you and him last year in Italy, the pair of you at a friend's wedding in the fall, school photos and yearbook pictures. Then, if you blinked hard enough, squeezed your eyes shut and peeled them back open, you'd see the room for what it was now. Empty; photo frames you'd foolishly brought, never used and collecting dust; a crease in the sofa where he used to sit, cold because he was never fucking home anymore. The shadows that used to be happy were tense now, backs arched and arms flailed, faces flexed from smiles to frowns and then pure rage.

It was just you. No Steve. No laughter, no tears, no anger. Emotions replaced by apathy and the man didn't have a clue. Maybe he was just fucking oblivious but every futile attempt, every conversation you'd tried to have on the matter, had been in vain. Maybe it had worked for a few weeks; a few weeks where Steve would come home early from work, bring you flowers and get you a booking at that one restaurant with some vaguely sentimental meaning to your relationship. Then it would go back to normal - late nights, forced conversations, and finally, the stand still. The moment where you'd realised your relationship was stagnant and whilst everyone was getting married or pregnant or buying a house, you were going no where. At least not with Steve.

He was home late as usual, just after 9PM. He came through the day, car keys and briefcase thrown to the side, top button immediately undone and tie coming loose. Steve barely looked at you as he moved across the living room, straight to the fridge for whatever leftovers he could fine. It wasn't until he turned around, mouth full of pizza and a can of Coke in the other hand, that he finally gave you a smile.

"Good day?" he asked.

You raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, not bad."

"Good," he gave you another smile, breezing past you and to the bedroom. Door slammed, minor shuffling, and then he re-appeared, now in an old t-shirt and sweatpants.

Sometimes, you wondered if he sensed it too. The coldness in your touches, in your voice. The way there was always a massive gap between you in bed at night. If he had noticed, Steve sure did a good job of ignoring it. He always had, in a way. Even after everything - the Upside Down, the monsters, the darkness - he hadn't wanted to talk about it. Maybe he was clinging on to the familiar. Even when everything had changed, your relationship stayed the same. If only he'd known that was the entire problem.

You'd had faith for a little while, but then you'd lost it.

"Nancy called, by the way," Steve continued on, waltzing around the room - heating on, TV volume up, mail thrown onto the coffee table. "The baby's doing well. She's six months along now."

He passed by you, hand ghosting across the back of your shoulders. That was it. That was your physical contact for the day, unless he was feeling sweet enough to accidentally kick you in the night or brush past you in the bathroom when he washing up before bed.

"Steve?"

Your voice was low; enough to alert him. Steve stopped, turning to face you.

"Yeah?"

"I'm moving out."

His shoulders dropped for a moment - and then he laughed. He fucking laughed. "Yeah, good one. Your jokes are getting worse."

"I'm not joking," you said. "Our lease is up next month. I'm moving."

"Where?" his eyes followed you as you got up and walked to the kitchen. He was on your heels like a lost puppy, immediately by your side. "And when were you gonna talk to me about this? Do you mean...like, a place together? Or a place apart? Because I thought we liked this apartment. We do don't we, because of the sky lights, and the fancy fuckin' sinks in the bathrooms-"

"- the place isn't the problem, Steve!" you cut him off. "It's you."

"How?" he asked. "I thought we were good?"

"Look at us!" you snapped. "Of course we're not good! You're a stranger to me, Steve. I never see you, and when you do you're just...you're not there."

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I've just been busy with work, okay? I'll try harder."

"You always say that," you shook your head. "Why do I have to keep asking you to try? You should want to try. You should want to act like you love me. Am I asking too much by asking you to fucking love me, Steve?"

"Do you honestly think I don't love you?" Steve said. He looked defeated now; drooped shoulders, sad eyes, bottom lip folded like he was about to cry. "You're everything to me. You have been since we were sixteen years old, and you're seriously asking if I don't love you?"

"If I'm everything to you then why don't you act like it?" you quietly asked. "Why all this...brushing past me? Acting like we're just room mates?"

"I...I don't know," he murmured. "The way I felt about you hasn't changed-"

"- I've asked you so many times Steve - if something is up, if we need to talk about stuff, if I've done something," you cut him off again. "And you see me every day sat here, waiting for you to come home, trying to make conversation and you just...you do nothing. You ignore me. You ignore all my futile fucking attempts to make an effort and quite honestly I am done."

The anger had taken over now, taken hold on your brain and tinted the edges of the vision. It was red. Not pink, how it used to be when you were happy, or blue when you were sad, but still had each other. It was just red; scarlet for the realisation that you were stood opposite each other now and not beside one another. You weren't a team anymore.

"So...you're dumping me?" Steve sniffed. "Is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah," you nodded.

"Do you really want to lose me over this?' he asked.

You shrugged. "You've lost me already, Steve."

[fiapartridge]

OK WHAT IF

he sees her at the book store and thinks she is so pretty

so he kinda follows her around (lowkey) waiting for the perfect moment to make some sort of move

and when he sees her reaching on a high shelf for a book that’s when he makes his move

or he sees her pick up like the deal or something (😭😭) some hockey book and he’s like hey i do that. ends up being super embarrassing bc of what those books are actually about LMAOOOOOOOO

LIKE IMAGINE ICEBREAKER ok anyways yeah

omg no bc he literally wouldn't even be there for the book store LMFAO like he literally just walked in there to find the bathroom but then he sees her and like spends nearly half an hour trying to work up the courage to talk to her

she's def in the romance section and he's like walking by her a couple times and he even picks up a book and tries to look mysterious BUT WHAT IF HE'S THE ONE THAT PICKS UP THE DEAL OR ICEBREAKER because he's like omg hockey and she's like 👀 is he really reading that 👀 and she talks to him like

"you like that book?"

and HES FAKING SO HARDDDD like it's so embarrassing and funny at the same timeeee he's like "pshh this book? it's my all time favorite."

and she's like trying her best not to laugh "yeah? my favorite scene was the man monster part." (from the deal)

AND HE IS CLUELESSSSS he's like "oh yeah! that was my favorite part too. very...enlightening."

"enlightening?" she's laughing

"very," he's smiling so awkwardly and his face is the color of a tomato times 100. "i don't think there's any better book than this."

she's nodding, indulging him if you will. "yeah this entire book is just sex."

and he literally drops the book IN SECONDS. "oh!" somehow he's even redder. "yeah i've never read that book in my whole entire life. you're telling me it's not about hockey???"

"i mean, yeah...and sex."

"oh god."

"but i appreciate the sentiment. you tried really hard." she's smiling and holding his shoulder like she's trying to make him feel better for whatever the fuck he was tryna do with that.

"i don't really know what to do now." he's sooooooo awkward omg LOL

"how about you just ask for my number now?"

LIKE THEY WOULD BE SO CUTE OKAY THIS IS HAPPENINGGG

[streamafterlaughter]

Fundamental Differing

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Chapter XVIII: I Gave My Life Away

pre warning: tags contain some non specific spoilers

warnings: 18+ MDNI mentions of a suicide attempt, alcoholism, narcotics addiction, depression. Adult content not meant for people under the age of 18. (spoiler for next tag!) Grinding/heavy petting, an inkling of smut. Angst, hurt feelings, heavy subject matter. reminder that this is fiction and i do not condone the actions of my characters! afab!gn!reader, they/them pronouns, rockstar!eddie, use of y/n lol i did not use y/n once!, pet names

a/n: i am… so sorry. that’s all i’ll say for now.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated.

—

January 1991

Eddie’s POV

“Eddie? Eddie!” The voice is familiar, but too far away. He can’t see anything beyond a spinning figure, but he feels the harsh slapping on his face before someone drags him by his armpits into the bathtub. “Cmon, man, please.”

Then there’s water, and it’s cold, and Eddie’s trying to move but he can’t, he can only cough and choke as the shower spray gets into his nose and mouth.

“Oh fuck, thank fucking God.” Then there are footsteps, and Eddie’s hauled out of the bathroom on a stretcher, the frantic voice following closely behind.

-

Present Day

Eddie’s POV

“Ed, they’re looking for you. Two minutes.”

Eddie nods, waving the security off and turning back to her. “You’re still in Ohio, then?”

“Yeah, seems it. Nothing really goin’ on here, though.”

“Isn’t that kind of a good thing?”

She shrugs, her lips pursed. “Guess so, if it means you’re here.”

Eddie chuckles shyly. “Well, I should get moving, or Steve will have my head.

She nods eagerly, wrapping herself tightly around Eddie’s torso, causing him to shift uncomfortably. He hasn’t seen her since before, and he realizes now he’s not that person anymore. It causes his heart to skip with anxious energy.

“See ya.” She sends him a wink, and he waves as she turns on her heel to venture back into the crowd.

The security guard is still there, humming the chorus to Under The Bridge as it plays out of the house speakers, leaning against the wall as he waits for Eddie to finish with the pretty, dainty girl he’s with, and Eddie returns to him like a scolded child. “Alright, let’s go.”

“That your girl?” He asks, making small talk with the rockstar he has likely no interest in.

Eddie shakes his head. “God, no. A friend, maybe. Not even that much, not anymore.”

“Guy like you doesn’t need to dwell on that, man. Sure you got plenty of ladies lined up for a chance with you.”

He snorts, amused by this guy’s casualty. “You’d be surprised.”

The guard escorts Eddie all the way to the stage, where Steve is seething and huffing about, arms crossed tightly over his chest. “Sorry, sorry. Ran into someone.”

Steve’s expression softens slightly at the mention. “Was it-“

“Yeah. But it’s fine, really. Civil, even.”

“Right. In that case, I’m still mad at you,”

“Sure, of course. Can we hold off on my discipline until after the show?”

Steve runs a hand through his hair, breathing deeply as if to prevent himself from taking a swing at Eddie. “Fine. Go.”

Eddie bows his head to thank him, and takes his place next to his bandmates, who’d been left waiting restlessly for their frontman, again. “Hey-“

“Shut up.” Jeff silences him. “Don’t wanna hear it.” And it’s fair. They shouldn’t have to listen to his excuses. He’s supposed to be working on himself, and all he’s managed to do is piss off the people that matter to him most. The house lights dim, and Eddie watches as the crowd grow feral, shoving toward the stage, shaking the metal barricades standing between them and the stage. His heart thumps in his ears, in time with the crowd’s eager chants of “COFFIN, COFFIN,” a command he’s inclined to obey. It drags him forward, led by his band onto the stage to present themselves to a mass of people that want to tear them apart.

The stage lights up with the first chord, and Eddie hears the audience beyond his monitor. He looks back to Gareth, who’s awestruck at the noise, then to Jeff who holds his hand over his chest, genuinely thanking these people for coming. Eddie wants to feel it, too. The warmth these people seem to offer his friends, but he’s somewhere else. He can’t get used to it, like he’s wearing shoes half a size too small. It makes him shift uncomfortably inside his skin, constantly feeling the eyes of thousands on him, relying on him, there for him. It’s then that he realizes he’s sober on stage, for the first time in five years.

He’d stuck to his word, now twenty four hours without consuming a drop of alcohol. He feels his chest tighten, like a hand made of knives has broken open his ribcage to squeeze his heart until it pops. His lungs will fill with his own blood and he’ll choke, he watches as it flashes before him, a panic stricken fantasy but Eddie wouldn’t say unrealistic.

His friends are looking at him. The crowd is calming with their increased confusion; a late start and now a strange, empty pause. He has to fill it. He can’t find you, and he’s taking too long, and it’s starting to confuse his band, so he shouts into the blackness “HELLO, COLUMBUS!” and the room combusts with the release of tension. “I am so sorry we’re late. Thank you for waiting. Let’s burn this fucking place down.” Gareth hits his sticks together, both a warning and a courtesy that there’s no stopping now, and Eddie rides the momentum. He nails every incoming note without thought, and he can feel the vibrations through the building, both of the music and the crowd. He gets the same rush he used to, when he was wide eyed and bushy tailed, younger and in love with the life of a rockstar. For a second, he feels it again, in the same place he’d felt the least alive at this time two years ago.

-

Your POV

“What the hell!” You stomp up to Steve, screaming over the noise of the stage into his face. “Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Steve only smirks. “How does it feel, huh? To not have a fucking clue what’s going on? He’ll tell you. I can’t-“

“Blah!” You throw your hands into the air, “I get it, you can’t tell me. Just… who’s the girl?”

Steve’s smile only grows. “Are you jealous?”

You groan, more from exhaustion than embarrassment. “Of course I’m fucking jealous, Steve! Don’t play dumb! Please, don’t make me feel stupid.”

His face falls, and he grabs you by the shoulders, jolting you into focus. “You have nothing to worry about. That I do know.”

It’s not enough, but it’s all you’re gonna get. You can’t help but respect it, the commitment to keeping Eddie’s business to himself. Truth be told, Steve is probably dying to tell you. “It’s that big, huh?” He nods sadly, and you mirror him in understanding. “But he’s going to tell you. He’s gonna tell you everything, and it’s gonna be a lot to digest. So I’ll be here when he tells you.”

“Steve, you’re scaring me.”

He nods. “That’s my intention. You might not get the answers you want, but you’ll get answers.”

-

You watch the tail end of their set with your brain going in circles. What could Steve possibly mean, the answers you don't want? What answers do you want? Who’s the girl, for starters. But mostly, what happened, in the two years without contact? What made you so angry? You can’t imagine an answer heavy enough to break you, not off the top of your head. Whatever it is, you want it. Even if it’s just to understand Eddie a little more. Even if it means he can’t be with you. Even if it means you have to let him go.

“Thank you!” Eddie shouts after the final note of a song you couldn’t name. “Thanks for comin’ out, Columbus!” The crowd shrieks, ratting your brain inside your head. “And give it up again for DEATH DANCE APPROXIMATELY!” The crowd politely continues cheering, and a small girl next to you sends you a bright smile. “So, so grateful to have them on this whole tour with us, you have no idea.” Eddie laughs bashfully, out of character for him to do while on stage. It’s a small thing, something you shouldn’t have noticed, but of course you did. He’s nervous. You squint, as if it will help you read him better, and it doesn’t. “This is our last song, I wanna hear you all. Loud as you can, alright?” The crowd whoops, and Corroded Coffin start in on Sweetheart, and you almost choke on your tears immediately.

Eddie has always said the closing song is the most important. It’s the one freshest in their mind, the one that will stick with them the most. It has to be perfect. He’d never used Sweetheart as the closer, and it’s obvious Gareth and Jeff weren’t ready for it, probably assuming Eddie skipped it reading the setlist. Eddie’s voice shakes slightly as he sings, but it’s perfect. His eyes stay closed the whole time, and you desperately wish he’d open them, find you in the wings, and sing the words to you again. Like he had, any time you’d asked him to just because you could. You sing along, lose yourself in the lyrics for the first time in years, actually hearing the words meant for you.

And then it’s over, and they’re thanking the crowd and bowing, and walking off stage, and even though you know you’re gonna see it all again night after night, even though you have seen it tens of times already, you miss it. The feeling of a shrieking crowd feeling all of their feelings while you feel yours. The feelings you hope you can give to your own audience. You feel like a teenager seeing their favorite band for the first time, and you’d forgotten how good that felt.

Robin seems to appear from thin air next to you. “Hey!” She semi-shouts over the bustling crowd. “Are you crying?” It’s a question you should absolutely be used to by now. You hadn’t noticed this time, though. “Oh!” You sniff, wiping a tear from your cheek. “Yeah, guess I was. Not sad, though.” Not necessarily true, but for now a nonissue.

“We’re all goin’ out tonight.”

You shake your head. “I’ll catch up.” She frowns at you. “It’s okay! I’ll tell you everything I can after.”

The possibility of a gossip session soothes her curiosity, and she squeezes your arm before continuing to wiggle through the crowd. You follow her backstage, into the massive dressing area backstage, where Eddie sits with his bandmates in a circle of metal fold out chairs, each of them holding a beer. Besides Eddie, who fiddles with the label of his water bottle.

“Right!” Jeff pats Eddie’s knee as he speaks, “We’re goin’ out. celebrating our biggest show to date.”

It’s then that Eddie lifts his eyes and catches you staring. You don’t bother averting yours to the floor, already having been caught red handed. “Do you guys mind if I sit this one out? I uh, have a prior engagement.” The girl, you’re sure. The girl you have nothing to worry about, the girl Eddie knows in the nowhere state of Ohio. You chew on the inside of your lip until you draw blood, anxious and suddenly unsure of everything Steve had tried to warn you about.

“Yeah, man, of course. Come out if you change your mind, though.” With that, Gareth and Jeff exit the room, and your friends follow suit soon after, leaving you and Eddie alone.

-

Eddie’s POV

Now, I have to do it right now. “Hey,”

You face him, eyes wide with questions he so desperately wants to answer for you. Your hands are clasped tightly together, your knuckles white and arms flexed, jaw clenched. “You wanna get some coffee?”

Your nod is vigorous, and he holds his elbow out for you. You quickly latch onto him, and Eddie feels just how anxious you must be. He can’t imagine where your head’s at, with your nightmares and your constant, irritating habit of caring about him so much. He’s exhausting you, and all he wants now is to let you rest.

Eddie asks a remaining staff member to escort the two of you out the back way, and into the warmth of the summer night. “Is there even somewhere that sells coffee around here? Let alone somewhere that’s open?” You joke, and he chuckles.

“I guess I didn’t think that far ahead. Ah!” He points down the road, to the glowing 7-Eleven sign. “Onward!” You laugh, and it floods through Eddie, like it’s drenching his head in ice water, refreshing him. He’s since dropped his arm, but yours stays locked around him, like if you let go he’d run away. As if he’d ever think to do such a thing.

He breaks the thick silence finally, after several minutes of walking through it. “You uh, said you wanted to talk?”

You look up at him. “I did?”

“Yeah, uh, this morning? We didn’t really get the chance.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah I guess so. I just,” You shake your head, frustrated, “I have questions.”

“Okay,” Eddie shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant. He wants to give you the answers. Finally, he wants to be completely open with you.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, shoot. I’ll answer your questions.”

“Any of them?”

“All of ‘em, sweetheart.” He can’t help it, he loves watching you shy away at the nickname, cute and soft, under all that armor.

-

Your POV

“Okay…” You have to be careful. One wrong move, and he’s shutting you out again. “Where’d you go tonight?” A subtle way to ask it, you think. Not accusatory, just curious, bordering on nosey.

“I ran into an old friend. From group.” You snap your neck, catching the words he says so casually.

“Group?”

Eddie nods, “NA-slash-AA.”

This is nowhere near where you thought this conversation would go. Every question you’d had crumbles at his answer. “What?”

“I’m more of a casual attendee, lately.” You feel your head fill up with more questions, and you’re drowning. “When did you-“ You’re expecting him to cut you off, but he waits. “When did you start going to meetings?”

Eddie looks to the sky as if to find the answer in the blackness above. “Early into 1991. There was still snow on the ground.”

“What um,” You’re walking the tightrope here, and you heed Steve’s warning. “What made you decide to go?”

Eddie looks at you again, his expression sad. “Had a really, really bad night.”

“What happened?” You ask, too quickly. It’s not fair, and you don’t have any right to know the answer, but Eddie snorts a laugh, like this news isn’t breaking your heart to learn. “Steve saved my life. I’m surprised he hasn’t divulged this story to you, even with the fact that I begged him not to tell anyone. Took me years to even tell the guys. I had gotten so bad, I didn’t care what happened to me. I was drinking myself to sleep every night, wallowing in self pity, barely able to function. I was worse than any time before. Worse than I was when you’d called me that night.”

“What night?”

“You were drunk, you probably don’t remember. Sometime in September of the year before, I’d been up all night trying, and you called me at home.” The memory comes back in a tidal wave. You’d just finished recording your EP, your first cohesive body of work, and with it had been signed to Sub Pop. Things had been looking up for you after cutting things off with him in July, but somewhere far away, Eddie had been drowning.

Before you can say anything, he continues, “Anyway, we were on a kind of hiatus as a band, had been for about a year at this point. I had nothing to get me out of bed before three in the afternoon, nothing to distract me from my pity party. I went out every night, drank until I couldn’t see, and did lines in the bathroom with people I didn’t care to know. I probably slept with six or seven different people a week, sometimes more. I couldn’t stop, because then I’d have to feel my feelings, and I was so afraid of them. One time,” He has the gall to chuckle, “after I got kicked out of a bar in New York for trying to fight the bouncer, I was so wasted and beaten that I fell asleep in my front yard with my pants around my ankles. Really glad I don’t have neighbors.”

It all pours out so easily now, like he’s telling you about his trip to the grocery store. “I uh, only got worse after that.” He stops, and you look up at him, waiting with wide, stinging eyes. “You sure you want me to keep going?” You nod. You don’t want to know, but you have to. As much as you suspect it’s gonna hurt, it means something that he’s finally willing to tell you.

He pushes forward. “On New Year's Eve of ‘91, I mixed whiskey and Steve’s Xanax. Way too much of it. Harrington found me passed out in the bathroom of my hotel room at around 1AM and called an ambulance. I'd written a note and everything.”

He pauses again to let you digest it all, and the silence sends a piercing ring through your ears. The words coming out of his mouth feel so far away, disconnected from the mouth they’re coming from. You’d never known Eddie to give up. Nothing had stopped him before; from finishing high school, from getting out of Hawkins, from being a rockstar. Regardless of how angry, or frustrated, or beaten he'd gotten, Eddie had always bounced back.

He finally pulls you from your thoughts. “That was the worst of it, but it had been a long time coming. When we were,” He gestured lamely to the air, “seeing each other, I was usually either on a run or coming down. I didn’t hide it well, I was almost sure you’d known, or at least suspected something. I was so angry and twitchy all the time. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t bring you into it, though. I never wanted you to know, and in a lot of ways I still don’t. Actually, please tell me you don’t wanna know. I’ll shut right the fuck up.”

“Nice try, but you underestimate how nosey I am.” He laughs, and you smile despite it all. “When did you start, I guess doing coke?” He doesn’t think about it for long. “Ironically, New Year’s Eve 1990 was the first time. I was a pro at it by May. I'd been drinking heavily for years by then, guess I wanted to jazz it up to ring in the new decade.” He stops walking and pivots to look at you, suddenly eager, and in no way aware of how jarring what he’d just said was. “Do you remember when I would get nosebleeds all the time, or when I’d sneeze and there’d be a giant snot bubble?” You nod, your face contorting with disgust at the memories. You remember a specific time, when you’d been making out with him in his hotel room in Boston, and his nose had just started dripping blood onto your bare chest. He’d gotten so pissed off at himself he’s left without putting his shirt or shoes back on. “Yeah, that had nothing to do with the humidity. Deep down, I think you knew that.”

He’s right, but you can still feel the crack in your heart spiderweb and spread as you hear these suspicions about Eddie confirmed.

“When was the last time?”

“The first or second night of the tour, I think.”

“Are you still drinking?” Dustin’s question makes more sense to you now. You wonder how he’d found out.

Eddie hesitates, as if fighting himself on whether to answer truthfully. “I didn’t today. It’s the first full day I’ve gone in a while. Touring is always difficult, and I’m sure you understand why this time is uh, particularly stressful.”

“Because of me.” Obviously.

“Because I know how badly I’ve hurt you, and because I know I haven’t made it up to you yet. I haven't earned your trust or even your time by any means, and I hate that you’re seeing me like this when you should be enjoying your first full US tour.” He chokes the last words out. You’ve stopped walking again, waiting at a deserted intersection, not yet ready to cross. “I’ve been fucking up recently, which is why I haven’t said anything. It’s not because I don’t want you. I want you so, so much. I just can’t do it yet.”

“Eddie,” You reach for him, and he lets you. You hold his face in your hands, feeling his flushed cheeks warm your palms as you look at him under the streetlights. “You don’t earn things like help and support, Eddie, not from people that-“ You pause. Not now, it’s not fair. “People that care about you. Thank you for telling me, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling; surrounded by triggers at all times, having to see me so much. I never would have agreed to the tour if I’d known—,“

He cuts you off, shaking his head, wafting the scent of his shampoo at you. “Don’t do that, please. This is not your fault, this is my own undoing. You are exempt from blame here.”

“I wish I’d known you were struggling. I wish I could have helped.”

Eddie traps your hands with his own on his face. “I know. I do, too.”

A sob shoves its way through your lips, and you can’t rebuild the dam fast enough. You’re crying, ugly sobbing with snot and mascara painting your face into a sad clown. It may be a cry of relief, having finally understood where your love had gone, so to speak, and seeing a glimpse of him right now. A version of Eddie happy, warm. He smiles at you, a big, beautiful smile, but his eyes are so sad. “I wish I had known to ask. Would have saved us both so much trouble.” Eddie drops his hands to your waist and pulls you closer to him, your coffee quest long forgotten. “I am so sorry.”

“Thank you.” You do not fight it, because there’s so much for him to be sorry for, regardless of if you want the apology. You trust that he means it. “I won’t push you for anything else. But I need you to ask for help, when you need it. I'm not gonna turn you away.” You wrap your arms around his torso, as physical proof of your words. You feel his arms as they surround your head, and he pulls you further into his chest. His breathing deep and even, heart beating soundly, you let yourself inhale him, indulge in his closeness even for a second. You eventually start to pull away, but he catches you, and you crane your head up to look at him, your nose inches away from his. Eddie’s eyes flick to your lips. It’s a fraction of a second, but you notice because you always do. You mimic him, flicking your eyes over his soft, pink lips and back to his deep, sweet brown eyes.

He moves first, but you’re quick to follow, and Eddie catches your lips with his, and you fight the urge to once again burst into tears. The kiss is one you haven’t felt in so long, like sleeping in your own bed after months being crammed inside a van or a two star motel. It’s a deep, yearning type of kiss you hadn’t known you were missing. Eddie moves a hand to cradle your head, like he’s holding the most valuable thing in the world. He’s gentle, almost timid, like the wrong move will ruin everything, break you both into pieces you won’t be able to fit back together. His lips are so soft, with no aggression or anxiety behind them, no nervous, frantic energy like he needs to consume you before you disappear. He takes his time, and you swim in the calm of it all. You rest your hand on his jaw, your finger lightly brushing his ear, the other stuck with your palm against his chest, squished between your bodies.

The last time Eddie kissed you like this was the day before he almost died. Before he cut that stupid sheet rope and tried to be a hero, he’d held you like you were the only thing on earth worth dying for. This time, though, there’s no rush, no impending doom to cut it short. You wonder if you’re pushing it, if this is too much for him, because it’s almost too much for you.

You pull away for a second. “Is this allowed?”

He quirks an eyebrow. “I think I know what you’re asking, but what do you mean?”

“Like, while you’re recovering. Shouldn’t you be more focused on that?”

Eddie shrugs. “Probably. And I will be. But I’m sober right now, at least, and all I can think about is you. And now you know everything, and you still kiss me like I’ve always been worthy of it. Even when I’m still not.”

“Do I really know everything now?” You lace your fingers through his and resume your walk.

He looks at you. “Do you have more questions?”

You have so many, but you’re so tired, so emotionally drained. “What do you think about, when you think about me?”

Eddie snorts a laugh at your question and you hide your face in your free hand. “Nothing good. You’re under my skin, doll. Always have been. Hey, look at that,” you look to where he’s pointing, the bright lights of the 7-Eleven store. “I’m kinda over coffee. You wanna watch a movie? For old time’s sake?” You nod wordlessly as your heart skips about, and he opens the door for you so you can grab some snacks instead.

-

Another hotel room, with boring white walls and bright white bed sheets. Eddie’s suitcases already sit in the corner, placed there by the hotel staff, complimentary mints on the pillows. Eddie flicks the bedside lamps on before fiddling with the remote, and you immediately realize, you’re once again without your own clothes. “Could I borrow-“ Eddie throws a shirt that lands perfectly draped over your face and you’re overwhelmed with his scent. “Thanks.” You deadpan, removing the fabric. He’s tossed a pair of his shorts onto the bed in front of you as well, and you’re silently grateful, because you wouldn’t have asked for them. He quickly flings his shirt off his head, and you watch as he swaps his jeans for a pair of worn flannel pajama pants.

Eddie then clicks the TV on, searching the channels aimlessly for something to watch before quickly giving up, muting it on a late night talk show. “How are you doing?” He’s already sprawled on the bed, resting his head in his hand to look at you, still in your clothes.

“I’m just digesting, I guess.” You face away from him to pull your sweat soaked shirt over your head and toss it on the floor, feeling his eyes on your bare back. You never wear a bra onstage, but you’re regretting it now. You yank Eddie’s shirt over your head to hide your butt as you yank your tights down, suddenly very aware of the color of your panties: red, and far too lacy for these circumstances. You yank Eddie’s boxers up your legs, and feel decent enough to face him again.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” He blurts as you slide into the space next to him, on top of the covers still.

“What do you mean?”

“After dark, sharing a bed, sharing my clothes,” He gestures to you, dressed head to toe in Eddie Couture. “Someone might see us. People are gonna start getting suspicious.”

“You think they’re not already?” You shift to lay on your side, now looking at him straight on. “We aren’t exactly being discrete as of late.”

He gives you a half shrug. “Does it bother you?”

“Does what bother me?”

“The fans, making assumptions.”

You think about your choice of words. “I thought it would. I think it bothered me more that they weren’t right.”

Eddie cracks a goofy smile, and you swat at him uselessly. “You want to be having a steamy secret affair with the douchebag frontman of Corroded Coffin?” He teases, poking at you.

“Oh, shut up.” There’s no malice in your voice. “You know what I mean. They have it all figured out. We’re together, in love, not ready to share it with the world or whatever. Much less complicated than whatever it is we’re actually doing.”

Eddie considers this for a moment. “Guess that’s true. I don’t think I could explain any of what we’re doing to Steve, let alone the public.”

You sigh. Poor, ignorant Steve. There’s only so much you’d be able to tell him for sure. “He’d have a heart attack.”

“I’ve already spooked him enough for a whole lifetime, I can’t drop this bomb on him too.”

“Let’s not worry about that. We don’t even know what we’re doing.”

“I just know I wanna keep doing it.” The way he says it sends you reeling instantly, drawing you into him, closing the distance between his lips and yours. You melt into him, wrapping your leg around his waist as he grips the flesh of your hip. Your hand slides effortlessly into his hair, tangling around your fingers, pulling a moan from Eddie’s throat as you tug him further into you. You can feel his gentry twitch in his pants, only a few thin layers of fabric separating him from your core. You roll your hips against him, sighing as his tip bumps against your clit, desperate for friction.

Eddie moves, latching his lips onto your throat causing your brain to fog. Your chest heaves as he nips at your skin, marking you, making your head swim with pleasure. You feel his fingers toying with the hem of his t-shirt, his calloused fingers sliding under the fabric to caress your skin, sending chills up and down your whole body. You shiver, and he pulls away. “Wanna stop?”

“Shouldn’t we?”

“That’s not what I asked.”

So you kiss him again, hungrier now. You help him yank his shirt over your head, abandoning it on the floor next to yours. Eddie shifts again, pressing your bare chest against his before breaking the kiss suddenly. “May I, uh,” He stutters like he’s a nervous teenager again, as if he’s seeing his first pair of boobs ever.

“Please.” You sigh, and it propels Eddie on, shifting down the bed until he’s eye level with your chest.

“God, I missed you.” He rasps, and you don’t have time to ask if he’s talking to you or your tits before he runs his tongue over your nipple, pulling a whine from your throat. You feel his other hand slide down your torso, freezing when it reaches the waistband of his boxers. “Sweetheart?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you let me take care of you?”

—

chapter XIX

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