#and yeah he just looked so good in this photo i had to draw hahahaha help

[ambivartence]

for mel @njaems 💕

[romanceimp]

Bitter Taste: Iwaizumi x f/reader Pt. 1

pt. 2 here

THIS IS SO LATE and I’m a fuck up hahahaha (kinda ironic this was 2 weeks late for Mental Health Awareness month) 

I am crediting my girl @kuso-deku for giving me Iwaizumi brain rot to begin with. I am also crediting @gixxie and @idonotagreebitch for helping me talk through my ideas... and crediting @doinmybesthere for the wonderful idea of a mental health awareness collaboration the link is here. PLS READ THE REST OF THE WORKS. Everyone deserves the love.

TW: manipulative male/female relationships, gaslighting?, subtle shit head crap that most men do (don’t worry Iwa is a peach as always tho, it’s Ushijima that’s the problem)

_ 

Iwaizumi stands and stretches in the cinema. The movie had been good, but long, he figured it was a little after midnight. “What’d ya think?” Kuroo asks as they exit the theatre. “I hated the ending…” Oikawa gripes, “I hate endings where everyone just dies.” “You are such a princess Tooru, I swear, it’s a metaphorical ending… did you not catch all the symbolism in the opening credits?” Iwaizumi sighs and turns his phone back on, trying his best to ignore their bickering. Slowly, notification after notification pops up… all from you. He blinks, surprised. You had declined his offer to join him for the film, stating you had previous plans attending a close friend’s birthday.

Iwa opens the messages from you. He sees first the selfies. You look beautiful, extravagant even. Your dress is beautiful, it compliments your figure perfectly with the corseted bodice. It’s white and so is your lace mask. Broad, feathered angel wings rest on your back. Angelic would have been a word he’d used to describe you before, but now, it was confirmed. He wants to keep staring at the photos but Kuroo and Oikawa are starting to become too curious about the contents of his phone. He scrolls and relaxes his face to look more casual. But it’s hard when your intoxicated messages are so darn cute.    

hope the movie is good!

okay so I guess there’s an open bar? Is it my birthday too?

if you wanna come by after the movie I’msure you coul

this partyyyy suckssssssss assssssssss

wish id gon wiht u xx

You are clearly drunk and he laughs to himself before Kuroo peers over his right shoulder. “Well she’s thinking about you at least,” he smirks. Oikawa peers over Iwaizumi’s left shoulder, “ooo play the voice message.” Oikawa taps the message before Iwaizumi can give him an answer.

“Hiiiii Iwaaaaaa, hope you like the moovie and you’re having a good time, cuz I’m having a preetyy good time, they gots free margaritaaass. Okay byeeeee”

The guys laugh and Oikawa presses the next one.

“Hey Iwaaa, I made up a song about you, ready?

Iwaizumi

Doesn’t know what he does- to me…

Sshfhsijknfhahaha I cant remember the rest som’n bout… som’n I dunno. Byeee”

“Okay, Ushi says that I need to say sorry for sending so many…” you pause and then whisper, “drunk messages, but I’as only tellin’ ya I ssink ‘r awesome ‘n you should totally come to this party and hang out with me… you’re awesome, okay byeee”

Oikawa and Kuroo pause and look at Iwaizumi. “Ushi?” Oikawa asks, “like Ushiwaka?” Oikawa’s eyes are narrowed and he gags dramatically in disgust. Iwaizumi nods and walks to exit the theatre. “Wait… that’s her friend who’s having the birthday party?” Iwa grimaces as Kuroo chuckles. “No wonder you’ve had a stick up your ass all night.” Iwa glares at him, “they’re just friends… apparently… I don’t know, she said they’ve known each other for a really long time…” Kuroo claps Iwaizumi on the back. “I think you should definitely go to the party.” Iwaizumi starts to object but the ring of his phone draws attention, and he answers it. “Heyyy you're outta th’moviee, heheeheheha,” you slur. Iwaizumi laughs softly and smiles, “yeah, I’m out of the movie now, are you… good?” There is so much background noise, it almost drowns out your sweet sleepy voice. “I’m soooo good… … I just-” he can hear your voice drop to a drunken whisper. “I’z just hoping to see you today,” you mumble finally.  

Iwaizumi can feel his heartbeat quicken, his head reeling. “Oh really?” He plays cool but then instantly regrets it when you give him a serious answer. “Yeah, I was really hoping you’d come to the party, even for just a little,” you murmur. Iwaizumi can’t help but chuckle. You were pretty cute like this, not normally so transparent. You were actually quite hard to read, so sweet but guarded and teasing too. You were a friend of Oikawa’s first and he had met you through him. He’d liked the way you sat cross legged on the couch smiling, chin in your hands while you asked questions and listened to his answers. Your eyes sparkle when you hear something you like, and your face lights up when you talk about things you find interesting.

“Ya don’t have to, I can just see ya another time,” you add. He’s been silent too long which causes him to speak without thinking. “No, I’d love to see you, I’ll head to you now.” Kuroo and Oikawa are silently cheering him on and Iwa turns away in embarrassment. “Really? Okay! I’ll drop my pin… as the kids are sayin’ these days hahaha.” “See you soon, drink some water okay?” “Mhm, I will, see ya soon!”

You were at a club owned by Ushijima’s family. A place called ‘Eagle’s Nest’. He’d only known you for a few weeks but he couldn’t help his infatuation. It was immediate, the night he had gone to Oikawas for game night. You spoke to him so easily not knowing him at all and laughed at his little side jabs to his long time friend. The way you looked at him… Iwa knew then that he wanted to see you smile, hear your laugh, and that he would be happy to assume the responsibility of making that happen.

He was surprised when you had declined his offer for the movie, feeling that you both had some definite chemistry, but Iwaizumi was even more surprised when you had said that you had prior plans with his old time rival Ushijima Wakatoshi. Iwaizumi hadn’t seen him since high school but they knew a few people in common, Oikawa being one of those people. Oikawa could sure hold a grudge but Iwaizumi took all of his comments with a grain of salt. Ushijima often came off entitled and cold, which would leave Iwaizumi with a bad taste in his mouth. Maybe Oikawa had the right idea holding a grudge… But grudge or not he wanted to see you, hear your voice and admire you all dolled up.

When Iwaizumi arrives at the club he is met with a large security guard. “Invitation?” he grumbles. Iwa remains calm but a small trickle of fear runs down his back. Iwaizumi gives the guard a casual smile before he starts to answer but he is interrupted. “Iwaaaaa,” you cry from the top of the stairs. The mask you’d had on is now resting on top of your head, the delicate features of your face now exposed. The floofy skirt of your dress bounces with your excitement as you run down the stairs. You crash into him, throwing your arms around his neck. You bury your face in his collar and still momentarily. Drunk and bubbly, you melt when Iwa wraps his arms around your waist in return, avoiding your costume’s wings. “Mmmm,” you hum, breath hot against his skin, “you smell good.” You pull back and stare into his wide eyes. “You look incredible,” he offers, a slight pink tint to his cheeks. You grin in return and simply take hold of his hand. “He’s with me,” you beam at the guard. Iwaizumi is doubtful this trick will work here. But he is surprised when the guard steps aside saying, “as you wish Miss L/N.” You giggle and pull Iwa towards the doors. “I’ll bring you some cake later, okay Jurou?” Jurou laughs, “just have fun darlin’.” “You’re the best,” you call behind you as you push open the doors. Iwaizumi can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy knowing that you are on a first name basis with one of the body guards at the Wakatoshi’s club. How close were you with Ushijima?    

Blue and purple lights illuminate the vast space while black tiles make up the main floor. The dance floor is sunken, in the middle of the club with a small set of stairs leading down to it. It’s made entirely of glass, beneath is a saltwater garden of different plants and coral.  

“You’ll need one of these,” you explain, swiping a simple black mask from the welcome table. You hand it over to him and pull yours down over your eyes. Iwaizumi adjusts it to where he can see. “You look so handsome,” you admire. He grins, “what about you? You’ve got wings!” You laugh and adjust your mask back on top of your forehead. “I’m a swan, and Ushi said I couldn’t be a swan without wings!” You spin for him, trying your best to flap the feathered wings. Small pieces of confetti glitter rain from the skirt of your dress. Iwaizumi takes in your face illuminated by the lights of the club. Blue and pink dancing over your cheeks as you smile up at him. “What?” you giggle nervously. Just a few weeks but he is mesmerised by your everything. He shakes his head and tries to move on. He wanted to tell you how he felt but this wasn’t the right time. It should be when you’re sober, when you can take in his words properly.

You coax him down towards the bar.  “You’re sure it’s okay to sneak in uninvited guests?” Iwa questions. “Well, I asked Ushi ‘nd he said it was okay, so yeah!” You grin but notice Iwaizumi’s reserve. “It’s really okay, I promise, let’s just get a drink,” you suggest and take his hand. “Only if you drink more water,” he smirks. You roll your eyes at Iwa, “I drank some water before you got here actually.” You look back at him as you both head down to the bar. “I’ll prolly regret that yurr seeing me like this tamorow, ya know,” you call over the blaring music. “It’s cute, you’re cute,” he assures as he leans against the bar, “I didn’t know you thought about me this much until I saw all the snapchats and voice messages and texts.” You cover your face in humiliation, “I knowww, I’m sorry but you were on my mind a lot, alot alot, and  couldn’t stop think about ya, and the booze told me to keep on messaging…” You trail off,  finding the last shred of your filter to keep you from talking.  The bartender hands you your water and you take a long drink.

“Iwaizumi,” a voice projects over the baseline. Ushijima stands tall advancing towards where you both stand. His expression is neutral though, his eyes keep darting to you and then back to Iwaizumi. Ushijima is dressed as a knight, his silver mask hangs languidly around his neck. “Ushiwaka,” Iwa acknowledges, “this is a hell of a birthday party.” You giggle and point at Ushiwaka, “he’s 28 today; getting sooo old.” In that moment, Iwaizumi watches him do something he had never seen him do before. Smile… and then laugh. Ushijima wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you closer.  “You’re just a baby,  you’re only-” You wave your hand in front of Ushiwaka’s face, shushing him. “No, no, Iwa doesn’t knowww, don’t tell him,” you plead. “She’s only 23,” Ushiwaka says. You hold your face in your hands once more and groan. Ushijima pulls your hands from your face, “just barely twenty three too.” You glare at him and look back at Iwaizumi embarrassed.  “Did she not tell you her age?” Ushijima asks Iwaizumi. Iwa shrugs, “She didn’t, but I never asked,” Iwa shrugs casually, addressing you now, “didn’t seem important since you carry yourself so well.”

You turn to Iwa, mouth open like you’re about to respond but Ushijima swipes the glass from your hands before you can finish. “Drinking water?” You look up at him. “But it’s my birthday… and this is a party…  you need something stronger…” Ushijima beacons the bartender with a single flick of his hand. The barman pours three double shots of a clear liquid from a foreign looking bottle. Ushijima takes a glass and hands it to you, before handing another to Iwaizumi. Ushijima gives him a wink as he loops his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He raises his glass, the violet lights illuminating the liquid. Iwaizumi follows his lead. “To my Juliet, the belle of the ball,” Ushijima bellows. You smile slightly and shake your head. “No no, to you Ushi, it’s your birthday, not mine, we are celebrating you!” Your eyes find Iwa’s, but you leave your glass raised. Ushijima grabs hold of your hand that’s still wrapped around the glass. “Cheers,” He tips the glass towards your lips and you swallow the clear liquor as he feeds it to you. You down it all in one go and Ushiwaka smiles wide once again. “She’s good, huh?” With that, Ushiwaka clinks his glass to Iwaizumi’s, “to you brother,” he assures. Iwa is surprised with the sudden sentiment. “And to you,” he replies before downing the shot. The liquor is surprisingly smooth, expensive, and strong. Iwa can feel his head starting to get light from the small portion that was in the glass and Iwa wasn’t a light weight. “Strong huh?” Ushijima smirks. Iwaizumi nods then turns to the bartender to signal for a water.

Ushijima turns to where you stand swaying slightly with the music. “Look at her, she gets drunk so easily,” Ushijima smiles. “How are you feeling, princess?” he shouts over at you. Iwa turns away and downs his water in disgust. ‘Princess?’ Ushijima shouldn’t be calling you that if you’re both just friends. You blink and give him a smile and a thumbs up. There was a natural innocence about you, a childlike wonder and curiosity, the embodiment of sanguine. Ushijima’s air was sometimes sinister, like he was taking advantage of your natural trusting nature. Iwa watches as Ushijima’s large hands rest on either of your shoulders and he pushes you back and forth like a pendulum between his palms. You giggle and try to push him away, “Ushi stooopp.” He laughs with you and continues pushing you around, “you’re so cute and small though, see?” He places a hand on top of your head and you still. “I said to stop,” you mumble. “And I did,” he retorts before letting you go.

Iwa watches the sudden weight of gravity find you as you stumble in your heels. He catches your arm just in time. Your arms find their way around his neck once more, your face in the crook of his neck. You pull away and Iwa examines your foggy eyes. “You okay?” You nod, pushing off of Iwa’s chest. You fix your hair, “it’s fine, he just messin’” you turn to Ushijima, “and someone doesn’t know when to quit.” You’re pulled away into Ushiwaka’s arms. He sways you back and forth, your back held against his chest while he says soft apologies. He whispers something to you and you nod. Iwaizumi wanted to pull you away from him. Not because he was jealous, but because the way that Ushiwaka was behaving with you was odd.

“Y/n is a little bit tired, why don’t you join us in VIP?” Iwa smiles and gives his thanks, trying his best to hide his scowl. Iwa follows after you and Ushiwaka, upstairs and under velvet ropes hoping that he will find a good moment to pull you away. But instead you are pulled onto the couch beside Ushiwaka. He lights a cigar and offers one to Iwa, but Iwaizumi declines with a simple, “no thanks, don’t smoke.” It’s strange the way that Ushiwaka keeps whispering in your ear, giving you sips of his drinks, and blowing smoke in your face. “Ushi, stop please, the smell is making me sick,” you whine. But he just pulls you closer to him, chuckling all the while and does it again. You’re laughing and poking his face, but it’s not out of joy... Watching Ushijima interact with you the whole night has been like watching a cat toy with a mouse.

Iwa grimaces when Ushiwaka tickles you. “Stop-stop-don’t-stop,” you giggle and howl. “She said to stop!” Iwa raises his voice. Ushijima’s eyes shoot towards Iwaizumi while you squirm off the couch. Your eyes are heavy as you walk towards a dark hallway and disappear into the shadows. Iwa’s eyes flick to the entrance to the hall. Ushiwaka sits in a contented silence, sipping a drink, “she’s so dramatic,” he sighs. He continues smoking, arm rested over the back of the purple velvet sofa. Ushijima takes a sip of his drink, swirling the ice in his glass. Iwa doesn’t move to break the silence no matter how expectant Ushijima’s expression was. He stamps out his cigar in the tray before addressing him.

“She’s awfully talkative, and incredibly fond of you…” Ushijima starts, an odd smirk painting his expression. Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow in intrigue and Ushijima’s face hardens. “She won’t shut up about you since she met you… it’s annoying...” Iwaizumi, remains quiet, the silence settling over the men like a thick fog. The only sounds are muffled club music and the ice tinkling against Ushijima’s glass. “I’m going to be honest as a friend… bad idea.” Iwaizumi can feel the rage bubbling inside his gut, “I don’t think that what’s going on between us is any of your-” He’s cut off by Ushijima.

“I’m really looking out for you Iwaizumi, girls can break hearts and Y/n is kind of known for that… she’s just a sweet soul, makes friends easily, but love? That’s harder for her… doesn’t have the best taste in men I’m afraid, I want to protect her and you from a situation where I can already see the conclusion… I get that you like her, everyone does.”  Iwazumi leans forward, “does that include you?” Ushijima is stone faced, then gives a cold laugh. “You’re funnier than I remember, Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi rises and heads towards the hall you disappeared down. If he sat in front of him any longer he was going to say something he regretted… and you still haven’t come back. He slips into the dark hallway as you’re exiting the bathroom. Your mask has been removed and even in the dim lighting you look pale. “Hey, what’s happened?” You look up at him embarrassed, your dress almost as wilted as you are. “Got sick…” you mutter. You’re shaking slightly, arms wrapped around yourself. “Oh Y/n, are you alright?” he sighs. His arm starts to reach for you but he thinks better of it, pulling it back to rest by his side. His eyes widen as he feels the warmth of your hand in his. He didn’t figure that you would want to be touched right now. But your fingers interlace with his,  your skin soft. “Are you good to drive?” you whisper. His hand instinctively tightens around yours protectively. “I only had whatever Ushijima gave us, it was strong but I’ve had water- yeah I’m good.” “Would you mind taking me home?” you ask, as you start to walk back towards the VIP room. “Sure, course,” Iwaizumi replies gently. He feels how your thumb brushes over the back of his hand in silent gratitude. The gesture has his heart beating hard against his ribs. Iwa walks forward, his eyes on you and nothing else. Your brow is furrowed and your expression painted serious which was unusual from how he knew you to act.

“Iwa’s taking me home now,” you announce and walk towards the stairs. Ushiwaka’s face hardens, “I can take her home, you shouldn’t trouble yourself,” he addresses Iwaizumi. You smile and turn around facing Ushiwaka. “But Ushi, ‘s ur birthday, you can’t leave this party jus’ ‘a take me home,” You turn to Iwa now. “Let’s go,” you say and Iwa nods, still holding your hand.  “Where’s my hug, princess?” Ushijima calls after you. You stop in your tracks and close your eyes, taking in a deep breath. You drop Iwa’s hand slowly, hesitantly. You walk back slowly and stand before his open arms. He lifts you and you groan. You’re still hugging him tightly but not quite with the same intimacy as before.

As Ushijima places you down you turn to look back at Iwa when Ushijima catches your face with his large hand. He coaxes your face back towards him then leans down. Ushiwaka locks eyes with Iwaizumi as he whispers something in your ear. Then he presses his lips to your cheek, still not moving his eyes away from Iwaizumi’s. Iwa tries his best to remain neutral but he can feel his lip creeping upwards in contempt. Ushiwaka is too prideful for his own good it seems.

You take Iwa’s hand again, leading him towards the exit. An exasperated look rests on your face. “What did he say to you?” Iwa asks. You sigh and shake your head. “‘S nothin’,  ya shouldn’t worry your pretty lil head ‘bout it.” Iwa can’t help but allow a smile. He raises an eyebrow at you, “think my head is pretty?” he asks. He’s met with your hazy gaze, “I do,” you say simply. Iwa wasn’t prepared for such a straightforward answer to his question.

Once out of the club, the valet pull Iwaizumi’s car around. He’s careful not to let you walk too far on your own. Sick, in those ridiculous shoes and still quite drunk, he opens the car door for you before hopping into the driver's seat. “Will you put your address in?” Iwa hands you his phone and you type it in as asked. “Thanks for doing this,” you sigh. “Yeah of course,” he says as he puts the car into gear. A few streets of city light pass by in silence. Your hands are resting in your lap but your body is still trembling. “I can- umm- pull over if you need me to…” You wave the thought away with your hand, “it was the smell of the cigar more than anything…” Iwa’s gut begins to boil again. Your voice is soft, almost defeated. He speaks before thinking better of it. “Does he always treat you like that?” You look at Iwa and make eye contact briefly before his attention is back on the road. “He was being a little extra weird today, maybe because y’all used to play volleyball together or… I dunno really, he just gets like that sometimes…” You trail off, allowing your thoughts to fade into the rearview. The silence is deafening and you feel the need to break it. “He’s really nice too though, don’t get me wrong, he cooks for me and calls to check in, he even gets me little gifts, so I know he cares.” Iwa shakes his head, “if he cared he would have stopped when you asked him to.” You take a breath, “I know but he was just having a night I guess…” Iwa pulls into your driveway as the GPS notifies him that he has ‘arrived at the destination’. He puts the car in park, “you don’t have to make excuses for him… it’s okay to be angry, if that’s how you feel.” You start to open the door, your fingers on the handle. “I’m not angry though, I’m just kinda hurt.” You open the door and start to get out, “okay, maybe a little angry too.” You laugh to yourself but not out of joy. It’s an ironic laugh and Iwa can hear the pain ringing inside of it. “Let me walk you inside.”  

[bijvoorbeeldja]

HERE SHE IS

The full enemies-to-lovers, “You’ve Got Mail” Sobbe AU, sprinkled with a few little surprises ***

I was NOT playin around when I said I was going to write ALL the fics during this quarantine y’all ain’t ready

Hope you enjoy! <3 I’d love to know what you think (even if you hate it)

……

Robbe’s phone buzzed on his nightstand.

earthlingoddity: good morning

He smiled into the screen, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

sterkerdanijzer: already awake?

earthlingoddity: yep

earthlingoddity: had some early morning inspiration

sterkerdanijzer: r u gonna let me see what you drew this time?

earthlingoddity: nope

earthlingoddity: against the rules

Robbe sighed, shaking his head.

Rolling out of bed, he contemplated what to type in response. This back-and-forth had been going on for months now, always coming back to this: the rules.

Clearly, they could text all they wanted. But that was it: just text. No voices, no photos showing their faces, locations, or anything else personal. Like drawings, for example. Nothing personal.

But really, everything they had been doing, all they had been talking about, felt personal to Robbe.

Screw the rules, Robbe thought. Even just through texts, he’d gotten closer to this person than anyone else in his life. Their conversations often started at dawn and spread throughout the day, lingering into the night until one of them fell asleep.

Of course, he’d agreed to the rules at the beginning. Hell, he’d made them. It was just talking, nothing else. But the more they talked, the more he wanted.

….

In a weird turn of events, Robbe had met Earthling in the comments of an Antwerp street art Tumblr, where teenagers flocked to share and comment on their latest masterpieces. Masked by alias handles, no one involved in the group knew the identities of the others. When they met up to tag at a location, everyone wore masks, hoodies, and dark clothes. Then they rehashed their work online, sharing photos and comments before planning their next meetup.

Robbe, using his disguised handle, had commented on a photo, when a stranger named earthlingoddity had commented back. Robbe had laughed and responded. The two passed banter back and forth before finally moving to DMs.

earthlingoddity: so you’re an artist, then the stranger had written him.

sterkerdanijzer: no, definitely not

sterkerdanijzer: I’m just in it for the vandalism

earthlingoddity: Hahahaha fair enough

earthlingoddity: u live in antwerp tho right?

sterkerdanijzer: pretty sure we’re not supposed to share details, STRANGER

earthlingoddity: ;-)

earthlingoddity: youre right. but i mean, we are talking now. and we’ve probably already seen each other

sterkerdanijzer: yeah maybe

earthlingoddity: I probably would have recognized a vandal tho…

sterkerdanijzer: not a chance. you’re probably one of those uppity art hoes who makes his masterpiece and doesn’t even acknowledge the little people

earthlingoddity: so you’re short then

sterkerdanijzer: enough! no personal details

Earthlingoddity: ok, so no names, no locations, no personal details. Any other rules?

sterkerdanijzer: uhm

sterkerdanijzer: no phone calls. And NO pics of your artwork. I might recognize it 

Earthlingoddity: so definitely no dick pics, then

Robbe had nearly choked at this. Even though their chatting had started as nearly nothing, it had rapidly become...something.  At least for Robbe. The past few weeks, their conversations had grown from occasional back-and-forths to constant communication, nearly-endless banter, and then...not-so-subtle flirting. Whatever was going on with this stranger, Robbe couldn’t bear to lose it. 

…..

Once he was finally ready for school that day, Robbe grabbed his skateboard and headed out to the street. Before mounting his board on the sidewalk, he opened his last chat with Earthling, trying to muster the courage to send him the message he’d been wanting to for days.

sterkerdanijzer: what if we said screw the rules….and met up? Like IRL?

Robbe’s fingers hovered over the keys, trying to gather the courage to hit send. It was stupid, he knew, but he was so terrified of scaring this stranger away. For reasons he didn’t fully understand yet, he needed him. Assuming it was, in fact, a him. I guess it was bold of him to assume Earthling was a boy. And gay. He took a breath and kicked off, starting to roll down the street. 

Then, out of nowhere, he was crashing, thrust back off his board and onto the ground as he collided with something. Or better, someone. 

Ugh, he groaned. Slowly rising up, he grabbed his phone and bag, which had been expelled violently from the impact. 

“What the hell, Robin?” the boy said, picking himself back up off the sidewalk where he’d fallen. “Why don’t you watch where you’re going?! Do you even know how to ride that thing?”

Brushing the dirt off his hands, he looked up, already feeling stiff aches form in his joints from the fall. Looking up, he groaned again.

Of course, it was Sander Driesen. He should have known immediately. No one else had the nerve to call him Robin.

Robbe rolled his eyes. “Maybe you shouldn’t be meandering in the middle of the sidewalk,” he threw back. “Pick a side and stay out of the way of people who actually need to get somewhere.”

Sander scoffed, dusting himself off and grabbing his bag, rearranging the now-disorderly contents inside. “Right, I forgot. You’ll be late for class,” he said, the words dripping with disdain. “Ahh, to be young and only concerned with high school drama.” 

Oh, how Robbe hated Sander Driesen. 

Clad head-to-toe in black, with a noisy leather jacket, combat boots and a shock of (badly) bleached-blonde hair, he was a walking cliche. 

The two had grown up together, coexisting side by side in school and social circles. But the two could not be more different. Because of this, their relationship didn’t amount to much more than swapped insults in passing, tense confrontations, and merciless teasing. Now that Sander had graduated high school, their interactions were fewer. But for Robbe, that was still too often. 

“So tell me, O Wise One,” Robbe  shot back. “If you’re so above all of us children, why are you still dating Britt? She’s not too ‘high school drama’ for you?”

Sander grimaced. “I’m not with Britt,” he said, almost clenching his teeth.

“Right, whatever,” Robbe said, ready for this encounter to be way past over. “I don’t give a damn about your personal life. In fact, I don’t give a damn about anything involving you. I have to go.”

He turned to leave, realizing he skateboard was still on the ground, rolled out of his reach, an end tucked under the heel of Sander’s boot. He smirked at Robbe. 

“Oh, right. Your toy.” Sander rolled it back to Robbe, staring him down with an obnoxious smile. “See you around...Robin.”

Robbe grabbed his board and walked off in a huff, flipping Sander off as he passed. “Screw you, Sander.”

Rounding the corner, he stopped to steady his breathing. Why must his day be tainted with the influence of that fake blonde, edgy wannabe pyscho? Inhaling deep and taking advantage of his high tide of emotions, he pulled out his phone again, returning to his chat with Earthling. Do it, he told himself. Do it before you lose your nerve. Typing fast, he wrote:

Sterkerdanijzer: what if we said screw the rules….and met up? Like IRL?

He hit Send, waiting breathlessly.

Within seconds, three dots appeared. Earthling was typing.

……

The music was blaring, thumping against Robbe’s heartbeat. The crowd at the party was so thick that he was pressed up against Jens and Aaron, their combined heat making him slightly nauseous. 

But all he could focus on was the neon glow of the screen in front of him, and in his mind running over and over the words Earthling had texted him hours earlier: Earthlingoddity: probably not a good idea.

Robbe had stared at it again and again, feeling that same nosedive in his stomach as he had when he first got it that morning on the street. He didn’t want to meet Robbe. So all of it had been...nothing after all. Deep down he’d known that. It was just talking. But it still felt like rejection. How could he so intensely have misread their connection? Even virtually, Robbe had felt the magnitude of it. Or so he’d thought. 

All of this considered, he hadn’t been a very good wingman for his friends tonight. They’d dragged him to this party at Noor’s, scanning the room intently, looking for girls to pursue. Robbe just stood by, slumped and sipping lukewarm beer that just made his stomach turn.

Earthlingoddity: probably not a good idea he read again. Ugh. He was going to be torturing himself all night.

“Dude,” Jens elbowed him suddenly, or maybe just shifted, their proximity making it impossible to tell. “Dude, ten o’clock. That guy is totally checking you out.”

Robbe scoffed, not even bothering to look up. Gay guys at this party? He doubted it. 

“Seriously, Robbe,” Jens pushed again. “He’s definitely staring. And he’s actually pretty hot.” 

“Yep, totally,” Aaron agreed, nodding as he took a swig of his beer. “Definitely your type.”

“I don’t have a type,” Robbe sighed, finally tucking his phone back in his pocket and looking up. Shifting his gaze to his left, he looked in the direction the boys had indicated, trying to find a pair of eyes seeking his.

Whoa. Okay, so he was pretty hot.

Tall with messy brown hair, a boy with blue eyes was meeting his gaze. When the corners of the boy’s lips lifted in a smile, Robbe blushed, looking down. Now he looked desperate. Super.

“Go get another beer,” Jens said, shoving him forward. “See if he follows you. And act cool!”

“What? I—” Robbe protested, but the two were now pushing him together, forcing a parting of the crowd in front of them. 

Robbe swallowed, palms starting to sweat. He wove slowly through groups and couples dancing, making his way to the kitchen. Inside he sought out more drinks among the counter full of bottles and cups. It only took a few moments before he heard it.

“Hey,” the voice behind him said, deep and raspy. 

Robbe turned slowly, trying to swallow the dryness from his throat. The tall boy stood behind him, his beer dangling from two fingers. He leaned down to Robbe, putting his mouth close to his ear. 

“I’m Nathan,” he leaned back again to look Robbe in the eyes. 

“Uhm,” Robbe stammered. “I’m Rob-Robbe.”

“Hi, Robbe,” Nathan said, smiling. “Do you dance?” He took a step forward, dangerously close.

“Not if I can help it,” Robbe laughed nervously. The boy laughed too, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth and dimples. Robbe wiped a hand across his mouth, worried he was drooling now.

“Maybe another drink, then?” the boy asked. Robbe just nodded.

Nathan smiled and reached around to the counter, searching through the bottles. When he finally found an unopened one, he popped off the top easily, making Robbe’s stomach flip. So hot.  

Nathan handed it to Robbe, smiling. As Robbe took it, their fingertips brushed together. Robbe looked down, blushing. Then, again, the boy’s face was leaning down. They were cheek to cheek. 

“Want to get out of here?” he whispered, sending a wave of goosebumps down Robbe’s arm and spine. With a small nod, Nathan grabbed Robbe’s hand, leading him through the crowd.

…..

Outside, the air was much cooler, and Robbe felt like he could breathe again. The music blared from the door of the apartment building onto the street, but now it was just a dull throb instead of a deafening pulse.

Deep inhales of the outside air made his head feel lighter, his thoughts clearer...that is, until Nathan would brush his arm. Then he felt fuzzy again. With one arm leaning against the brick of the building, the other was casually touching Robbe’s every few minutes and Robbe could feel his knees going weak.

They had been talking for almost forty-five minutes and Robbe forgot how nice it was to talk intimately with someone he could actually be face to face with. Why had he even been bothering with Earthling? Clearly, that was going nowhere. Nathan, on the other hand, had potential. He was interesting, asking Robbe about his life and sharing details about his own. They talked easily, their touches getting progressively more frequent. Then, Nathan went silent, his gaze flicking down to Robbe’s lips. Robbe’s stomach was fluttering, licking his lips in anticipation. Nathan was leaning in, the hand against the brick sliding down to Robbe’s waist….

“Well, well well,” a loud voice behind him announced, breaking violently through their moment, causing the two to pull apart quickly. “If it isn’t my pal, Robin!” 

Sander Driesen, in dark jeans and a white t-shirt, appeared next to Robbe, followed by Britt in tow. He looked from Robbe to Nathan, smiling widely. 

“You have got to be kidding me,” Robbe muttered under his breath. Nathan looked confused, glancing from Robbe to the bleached-blonde boy.

“Robin?” he asked, biting his lip in bewilderment.

“Ignore him,” Robbe said, grabbing his shoulder. “C’mon.” 

“Aren’t you going to introduce me, Robin?” Sander replied, cocking his head and raising his eyebrows at Robbe. 

Robbe groaned. “Seriously, Sander,” he said, “Not now.”

“Oh, c’mon, buddy,” he gave Robbe’s shoulder a soft punch. “Introduce me to your friend,” the last work thick with implication.

Robbe rolled his eyes as Sander stuck a hand out to Nathan, who took it with a polite smile.

“I’m Sander,” the boy said. “Robbe and I….well, let’s just say we have a looooong history.”

Robbe glared at Sander. “We’re going now.”

As he was leading Nathan back down the street, Sander called out again, louder.

“We didn’t mean to interrupt the moment, love birds,” he said, smirking. “Carry on!” With a chuckle, Sander threw an arm around Britt’s waist and walked into the apartment.

A few feet down the sidewalk Nathan turned to Robbe. “Who was that?

“Nobody,” Robbe answered quickly, trying to turn the conversation anywhere but on Sander. 

“It didn’t seem like nobody,” Nathan said quietly, rubbing a hand through his hair.  “Is he...an old boyfriend, or something?”

“What?!” Robbe near-shouted, stopping to look right at Nathan. “No. No. Not even close. He drives me crazy.”

Nathan bit his lip. “Look, Robbe. I should probably get going.”

“What?” Robbe said, his face dropping. “Because of him? You can’t be serious—”

“I was probably moving too quickly,” Nathan said slowly. “I’m sorry.” He gave Robbe a quick kiss on the cheek and walked away, turning the corner out of view. 

…..

Robbe didn’t care who was spilling drinks or getting their feet stepped on. Plowing through the crowd with his elbows, he found his way into the party and back to Jens and Aaron, who were in the middle of telling a story to two girls bearing plastic cups and bored expressions.

“Uhm, hey guys?” Robbe said, tapping Jens on the shoulder. “I’m going to take off.” Jens turned, quickly motioning a be right back to the girls, who nodded vaguely. 

“Wait, what happened with the guy?’ Jens asked eagerly. “Are you going to his place?”

Robbe frowned. “No. It didn’t exactly...work out.”

“Sorry, man,” Aaron said, slapping Robbe’s shoulder. “Want us to come with?”

Robbe shook his head. “Nah, you guys stay. I’m going to call it a night anyway.”

Finishing his goodbyes, Robbe ditched his bottle and stepped back out in the night air, now considerably cooler. Finding his bike, he started unlocking the lock when a voice behind him again shook him out of his thoughts.

“Headed home already?” Sander. Again.

Robbe whipped around on him, finding him alone this time. 

“Seriously, Sander? Can you please just leave me alone?” Robbe said, almost whining now. “You already managed to ruin this night for me once.”

This sobered Sander a little, who swallowed and took a step forward.

“Robbe, I—”

“No, I mean it, Sander. Go back to Britt, who’s apparently not your ‘girlfriend,’” Robbe did air quotes, making Sander clench his teeth again, “and leave me the hell alone.”

There was silence for a moment before Sander spoke.

“I’m sorry, Robbe.”  

Robbe shook his head and turned back to his bike lock.

“I was doing you a favor, okay?” Sander spoke, his voice insistent. “That guy seemed like a real douche.” Robbe scoffed. Seriously? 

“I mean, did you see his hair?” Sander continued. “Total poser.”

Robbe laughed to himself. “Yeah, like you’re one to talk,” he mumbled back at Sander.

Sander smiled at this. “Touche.” 

Robbe had his bike unlocked now and he started to wheel it down the street. 

“See you around, Robbe.” Sander called out.

“Yeah, don’t count on it,” Robbe replied.

As he mounted his bike, his phone vibrated. A message.

Earthlingoddity: You know what, forget what I said. Screw the rules. Let’s meet. When? Where?

………

Robbe didn’t respond to Earthling’s message for several days. When he did, he wanted to come off cool, casual. He drafted and redrafted the same message in a hundred different ways. Finally, he sent back:

Sterkerdanijzer: Yeah, okay. I guess we can. I can do Friday at 18h. Drinks at Jardim Antwerpen?

He got a reply almost immediately.

Earthlingoddity: Absolutely. I’ll be there. Without a mask ;-) 

So there he was, sitting at a table watching the sun go down, turning a near-empty glass in his hands over and over again in his hands. Even with the condensation from the glass, Robbe’s palms were clammy. He was so nervous he had to occasionally reach down to calm his shaking legs. 

Milan had helped him pick out an outfit, a white linen button up and jeans. Zoe had mussed his hair until she insisted it was “perfect.” But he just felt ridiculous. Why was he even doing this? If he’d learned anything from the past few weeks, it was that he knew nothing. And he was probably going to be single forever. And for all he knew, Earthling would turn out to be a serial killer. 

At 18h15, Robbe started to get antsy. He messaged the boy:

Sterkerdanijzer: I’m here. White shirt, brown hair. U close?

But he got no response. He bit his lip anxiously, checking his phone constantly. At 18h45, after he had downed one more drink than he should have, he got up. Leaving a tip on the table, he shoved his phone in his pocket and headed to leave. This was a ridiculous idea, he scolded himself. So stupid. Of course he wouldn’t show.

As he neared the exit, he saw a flash of white in his peripheral. Turning, he saw a boy sitting at a table alone, phone in his hand. Sander.

As if he’d spoken his name out loud, Sander looked up, green eyes glowing. He smirked. “Small world,” he called out to Robbe. “What are you doing here?”

Robbe glared at him. “None of your business. What are you doing here?”

Sander just looked at him for a minute. “I’m, uh...waiting for Britt. She’s supposed to be here soon. Were you waiting for a date?” His knowing smile made Robbe’s insides twist. 

“Right,” Robbe said, nodding. “Well, I’m going to…” he turned again to leave.

“Uhm, actually, Robbe?” he called out. Robbe turned back slightly. What was he going to say now?

“Do you think I could borrow your phone to text Britt? Mine is dead.”

Robbe hesitated. Gone from Sander’s tone was any hint of teasing. He sounded genuine. He sounded desperate, almost. 

“Yeah, fine,” Robbe seceded, walking over to Sander’s table and handing over his phone. 

“Thanks,” Sander said, giving Robbe a small smile as he met his gaze. 

Robbe stood there as Sander typed, concentrating hard on the screen. Waiting, he glanced around again. No sign of anybody new. No sign of anybody looking for him. He was so stupid. 

“So, were you supposed to meet Nathan here?” Sander asked, not looking up as he continued to type.

“Why do you care?” Robbe asked.

Sander looked up. “I’m just making conversation. I hope it wasn’t him, though. You could do better.”

Robbe scoffed. “Okay, thanks for the tip, Sander.” He turned away again. ‘Cause Sander cared SO much about him. Right.

Then Sander stood, downing the rest of his drink. “Look like she’s not coming.” But as he handed Robbe back his phone, he didn’t look sad. He was smiling. Walking toward the exit, he turned back toward Robbe. 

“You coming?” Sander asked.

“What, me?” Robbe asked incredulously.

“Uh, yeah you, Robin,” Sander laughed. “Let’s go.” Walking away again, Robbe stood there, mouth open. 

“Come!” Sander’s voice reached Robbe again. He was probably too drunk to think straight because next thing he knew, he was following Sander’s silhouette into the sunset. 

…..

“Sander, you cannot be serious,” Robbe stood obstinately away from the door, shaking his head at the boy, who was jiggling with the lock on a door, labeled boldly with a “No Trespassing” sign. “I assumed your plans were more drinks, not jail.”

Sander kept his hands on the door handle, but turned to face Robbe, a teasing grin on his face.

“Would you chill? We’re not getting arrested. I’ve done this a hundred times.”

“Yeah, ‘cause that makes me feel better,” Robbe retorted. 

Sander just laughed and continued jiggling until click. The door squeaked open. He turned and raised his eyebrows at Robbe. “Come.”

Robbe shook his head again. He could not believe this. Not only was Sander trying to ruin his social life, he was trying to get him arrested. But Sander had disappeared behind the door, and finally, reluctantly, Robbe followed behind him.

Illuminating the stairs inside with the light on his phone, Sander led Robbe to the top, where he held his hands out in a ta-da! motion, so clearly pleased with this reveal. 

Reaching the top and taking in the scene, Robbe’s jaw dropped. A large, open-air pool laid out before him, neon blue water rippling with the cold wind.

“No,” Robbe started, his voice escalating. “Sander, no. We are not—”

But Sander was starting to shrug out of his jacket, then reaching down to undo the laces of his boots. 

“C’mon,” he whisper-yelled. “We’re doing this!”

“You’re insane!” Robbe yelled. “There’s no way I’m getting in that pool. We will die!”

Sander laughed as he lifted his shirt over his head. “We will not die, Robbe. Just come!”  

Robbe just stood there in disbelief as Sander kept shedding clothes, not stopping at his briefs. In a blink of an eye, he was completely naked and running towards the pool, jumping in with a yelp.

Robbe’s jaw dropped. Sander was actually insane. And was his skin always that golden? And did he have abs?

Emerging from the water with a screech, Sander called out again. 

“Robbe, come! It’s amazing in here!”

“No,” Robbe said defiantly. “No way.”

“You’re missing out, Robin,” he called out to him in a sing-song voice.

Robbe shook his head. “It’s freezing cold!”

“Yeah, it’s freezing cold,” Sander said. “But you have to do it. Get in! Now!”

Treading water, the light from the pool making his blonde hair glow neon, Sander waited for him, smiling.

Before he could think, Robbe started unbuttoning his shirt, dropping it on the concrete. Stepping out of his jeans, he watched Sander’s eyes roam across his bare chest. He swallowed hard.

Down to his underwear, Robbe started toward the pool, berating himself for giving into the demands of a pretentious — but weirdly captivating — boy. 

Okay, that was clearly the alcohol talking, he thought, shaking the idea from his head. 

“Hey, hey!” Sander yelled, stopping Robbe in his tracks. “All the way or no way.”

Robbe balked at him. Was he serious? He exhaled, biting his lip. Reaching down, he stripped off his underwear, now completely bare in front of Sander Driesen. He was going to regret this. But for now, he jumped into the pool.

He had been right. It was freezing. Easily the coldest water he’d ever felt. When his head exited the water, he yelped. 

“Oh. My. God.” he squealed, teeth chattering. “I am going to kill you, Sander!” He splashed around violently, trying to keep his limbs from going numb. 

“Dude, can you even swim?” Sander yelled, laughing.

Robbe splashed water Sander’s way. “Are you kidding? I can swim better than you any day!”

“Was that a challenge?” Sander quipped, circling around Robbe. 

“Well, yeah, I think it was!” Robbe answered. “You scared Driesen?” 

Sander smiled at him. “You’re on, Robin! First one to that opposite side of the pool wins! On three!”

“One….” Robbe started.

“Two….” Sander echoed.

“Three!” They yelled in unison, taking off for the pool’s edge. 

Robbe stroked, gasping deeply as he tried to find his stride. He was not going to let Sander beat him, no matter how drunk he was.

But when he reached the ledge, cheering in victory, he couldn’t see Sander. He wiped the water from his eyes, and looked beneath the water for Sander. He couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Sander?” He called out. “I totally kicked your ass!”

Still, nothing. Now, Robbe was starting to panic.

“Sander?!” His yelled, desperation creeping into his voice. He was about to call out again when Sander popped out of the water directly in front of him, so close, stealing Robbe’s breath and pinning him against the ledge.

“Sander, what the hell? What are you—” Robbe started, but before he could finish, Sander grasped the ledge behind Robbe, covering his body with his. Robbe felt Sander’s chest rise and fall against his as he tried to catch his breath.

“You won, Robin,” Sander spoke deeply. 

Then, he was kissing Robbe, keeping one hand on the ledge, the other sliding down to Robbe’s waist, holding him in place. Sander’s hand was firm, making Robbe melt beneath him. Robbe reached back a hand to hold himself to the ledge and the other found the nape of Sander’s neck. Using his fingers, he pulled Sander towards him, then let those fingers tangle themselves in Sander’s hair. Feeling his pull, Sander kissed Robbe deeper, grasping at any part of Robbe’s mouth he could find, sliding down to his jaw and his neck, sucking the skin there. Whining, Robbe’s eyes rolled back. Sander found lips again, tugging on them gently. Robbe licked the soft skin of Sander’s lips and heard a gentle moan escape the boy’s throat. It was happening so fast. Their limbs and breath were tangling, mixing together in explosive energy that made them both weak. 

He was kissing Sander Driesen. He was kissing Sander Driesen. When these words came together and made sense in his mind, he startled, shoving Sander off of him. 

“What are we doing?” Robbe spoke, trying to catch his breath. “What are we doing?! This isn’t….we’re, we’re drunk!” His voice was rising, filling with disbelief and exasperation.

“Robbe, I—” Sander said, water dripping off his golden skin, tempting Robbe more than he wanted to admit. He approached Robbe again slowly. 

“No, no,” Robbe said, reaching for the ledge and hefting himself out of the water. “This was a huge mistake. I’m drunk. We’re drunk. We shouldn’t have—”

“Robbe, wait!” Sander called, swimming towards the ledge and following Robbe out.

Robbe ran and gathered his clothes. “I have to go, Sander. Let me go.” 

Sander stopped, a look of confusion and hurt painting his face. “Robbe, don’t….”

Robbe spun on him, his voice rising. “Don’t follow me, Sander. And don’t you dare tell anyone about this. Swear it.”  

Sander just looked at him, lifting up his hands in submission. “I’m sorry, I swear I won’t—”     

Then Robbe ran down the stairs, struggling to pull his clothes on over his soaking-wet body as he left Sander behind him.

……

Robbe had hoped that when he woke up, the whole night would have been a dream. A ridiculous dream that would have made him blush...and probably need to take a cold shower. But still, a dream. A dream he could forget about. But the pile of wet clothes on the floor and phone full of messages from Sander proved otherwise. He groaned, aching from the memory and the hangover. 

His phone vibrated again and exasperated, he turned to silence it when he saw it — a message not from Sander, but from Earthling. 

Earthlingoddity: Hey….I know that there is probably nothing I can say to you right now that will make up for what I did last night. I didn’t mean to stand you up. I promise. Something just...came up and I couldn’t make it. I promise it wasn’t you, okay. Please, please forgive me? 

Robbe just stared at the message. As he did, another message from Sander came. 

Sander: Robbe, please answer me. I’m sorry about last night. Can we please talk, face-to-face?

Robbe rubbed his face. What was he going to say to either of these people? Why was everything such a mess?

Kissing Sander last night...that had been the biggest shock to his system. Sander hated him. He hated Sander. That was their relationship. But in an ice-cold pool they’d entered some alternate universe and crossed a line. They were drunk. That was it. Right?

Robbe went back to the message from Earthling. Typing slowly, he sent:

Sterkerdanijzer: you were right. We should have never agreed to meet.

He got a response back almost immediately.

Earthlingoddity: No! No, it wasn’t a mistake. We should meet. I promise, something just came up that I couldn’t say no to. I want to meet you so bad. Please, can you give me another chance? I’ll do anything.

Robbe closed the message. Not now.

Taking another deep breath, he opened Sander’s message. 

Robbe: Fine, we can talk. Come to my house in an hour.

Sander: I’ll be there. 

……

After Robbe had showered and straightened up his room, he took a deep breath. He had no idea how he was going to survive this interaction with Sander, after all that had happened between them. They’d kissed. ALOT. They’d been naked, for heaven’s sake. Robbe groaned, flopping back down on his bed. What was happening to him? The world was turning upside down.

With that, there was a knock on the door. He could hear Jens shuffling to get it, but he raced to the door, sliding past Jens. 

“I got it, I got it.” 

Jens just looked at him, yawning. “What the hell?”

“It’s...it’s uhm...for me. I’ll get it.”

Jens stared blankly. “You’re being weird.” But he just went off towards the kitchen, yawning again.

Taking a breath, Robbe opened the door. 

Sander stood there, his hair also wet, clearly brushed into submission. He had on a cream-colored sweater, which shocked Robbe. He looked good. 

“Robbe. Hey.” He smiled, taking a deep breath.

Robbe just stood there, unsure of what to say.

Sander smiled again. “Soooo….can I come in or….?”

“Oh, right. Yeah, come in.” Robbe opened the door wider so Sander could enter. 

Glancing towards the kitchen, where Jens was making coffee, glasses clinking, he motioned to the hallway. 

“Let’s go to my room and talk,” Robbe spoke quietly.

“Sure, yeah,” Sander nodded. “Lead the way.”

Robbe walked hesitantly toward his room, opening the door for Sander. He entered, looking around. 

“Nice place,” he commented, looking at Robbe with a wink. “Thanks for inviting me.”

Robbe smiled, feeling flushed all of the sudden.

Sander went and sat on the edge of the bed. Robbe followed.

Sander cleared his throat. “So, I know what happened last night surprised you. I know it surprised me.” He smiled to himself. “I just wanted to say that….I’m not sorry.”

“What?” Robbe looked up at him, confused.

Sander was firm, sure. “I said, I’m not sorry. For what happened. For kissing you.”

“You’re….not sorry….” Robbe repeated slowly, trying to understand.

“I wanted to kiss you and I did. And I don’t regret it. I know we were drunk, but I think you wanted to kiss me, too.”

Robbe felt heat rise to his cheeks. He spoke quietly. “Sander…it doesn’t make sense. We don’t make sense. At all. We are at each other’s throats constantly.”

“So what?” Sander asked, laughing. “Maybe what we thought was hate was just passion.”

“Passion?” Robbe choked. “Passion? We can’t stand each other! We drive each other completely crazy!”

“Well,” Sander began, biting his lip. “That, I guess, is true. You do drive me crazy. But not for the reasons you think.”

What? 

“Sander, what are you—” but Robbe stopped as Sander turned towards him, sliding a hand to cup his jaw. 

“You do drive me completely insane, Robbe,” he said gently. “But in a way I want to feel all the time. That kiss was….” he put his hands together over his head, imitating a mind-blown gesture, “pppppffffffeeeewww.”

Robbe’s lips were curling up in a smile he couldn’t hide. He felt warm. But something nagged at him.

“Sander, I can’t do this,” he admitted quickly, before he could stop himself. “I know this sounds silly and stupid, but….there’s someone else.”

Sander sat back. “Who, Nathan?”

Robbe shook his head. “No, not Nathan. You ruined that one, remember?” He slugged Sander’s arm.

“No, it’s….” Robbe put his head down, embarrassed. “It’s someone I don’t even actually know.” He covered his face in his hands. “I know, it’s so stupid. But I think I really care about this person.”

To Robbe’s surprise, Sander didn’t laugh. Or come up with some stupid insult. Or even seem surprised by his revelation at all. 

“Okay,” he began. “So, who is he? Where did you meet him?” 

“Well,” Robbe said, blushing again. “We met online. On a stupid street art blog. We talk through DMs all day, everyday. Yesterday, when we ran into each other, I was waiting for him. We were supposed to meet each other for the first time in person. But….he stood me up.”

“Hmmm,” Sander sounded. “Sounds like a real asshole.”

Robbe laughed. “He’s not, though! Sure, I was devastated that he ditched me...and then, we kissed...and, everything is just a mess.” He fell back on the bed again, hands over his face.

Sander was silent for a minute. “So did he apologize? For last night?”

Robbe sat up slightly. “Well, yeah. He messaged me again saying he was sorry, and that it wasn’t me.”

“So?” Sander asked, probing for more. 

“So what?” Robbe asked.

“So, what are you going to say? Are you going to forgive him?” Sander asked.

“Well...I don’t know,” Robbe admitted. “I want to. You’re going to insult me mercilessly for the rest of time for saying this, but...I think Earthling is my soulmate.”

Sander grinned. “I’m sorry, who?”

Robbe laughed, embarrassed again. 

“Earthlingoddity, it’s his handle. I just call him Earthling.”

Sander looked down at his lap, biting his lip to hide a grin.

“I knew you would make fun of me!” Robbe shoved Sander. “I knew it!”

“No!” Sander held his hands up innocently. “I’m not making fun of you! I think it’s cute. I mean, it’s a Bowie reference, he’s obviously got good taste.”

Robbe smiled. “Yeah, he does,” he said.

“So,” Sander continued. “If you think this guy is your soulmate, I think you should talk to him. Give him another chance.”

“What should I say?” Robbe asked. “Do I ask him to meet up again?”

Sander thought for a minute. “I think you need to give him an ultimatum. His last chance.”

“An ultimatum?” Robbe asked.

“Yep.” Sander said, scooting to sit cross-legged on the bed. “Take out your phone.”

“What, now?” Robbe asked incredulously. 

“Yes, now!” Sander said firmly. “C’mon. Get your phone.”

Robbe shook his head. Of course, his rival, the guy he’d made out with last night, was now helping him attempt to snag a man. He officially understood nothing.

Taking out his phone, he pulled up Earthling’s message. 

“So what do I say?” He looked at Sander.

“Just say….” Sander began, looking off in thought. “You hurt me yesterday. This is your one chance to make it up to me. Meet me tonight or we’re done with this. No more talking, no more messages. This is it. Your last chance” Damn. Looking at Sander once more, he typed it out. Taking a deep breath, he hit Send.

“Oh no, oh no, I sent it. What now. What if he doesn’t answer? What if he thinks I’m desperate?” Robbe rattled off, starting to hyperventilate.

Then, Sander’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out. 

“Sorry, hold on a sec,” he said. “I gotta respond to this.”

“Sander!” Robbe whined. “Focus! I need you! If he responds, you have to help me!”

“Don’t worry. Robin,” Sander said with a smirk. “He will. And I will.”

Sander typed quickly, then put his phone back down on the bed. He was hiding another smirk.

Robbe glared at him. “Sander! Are you texting Britt right now? Should I remind you that we’re focusing on me right now? Or should I remind you that you kissed me last night? What is wrong with you?!”

Sander shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t texting Britt, Robbe, calm down.” 

But Robbe ignored this as his phone buzzed again.

“Oh my god, okay, it’s him,” he cleared his throat. “This is what he said.” 

Now, Sander was laughing. Loudly. 

“Sander!” Robbe whined again.

Sander tried to stifle a laugh with his palm. “Okay,” he tried to turn the laugh into a cough. “Right, I’m focused. Well, what did he say?”

Robbe swiped and opened the message.

“He said...I choose you, Robin. Always, one hundred percent, forever.”

Robbe’s phone fell in his lap as he looked up at Sander. 

“Sander…..what kind of joke are you—”

Sander just shook his head and grinned. “Don’t call me, Sander. From now on, you have to call me Earthling.”   

Then, Sander was crawling over to Robbe, pushing him back down on the bed.

Hovering over him, he spoke gently. 

“When I saw you with Nathan at the party last week, I got jealous. You looked so hot and I knew I was starting to want you. It scared me. I knew you hated me. But I did. I wanted you. Trust me, Britt and I aren’t together. I just wanted to make you jealous. And that obviously backfired,” he said, laughing.

He continued to Robbe’s breathless stare. “Then I found out it was you I had been messaging when I borrowed your phone at the bar yesterday,” he said. “I saw the messages I’d sent you as Earthling. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe Robin was the boy I’d been talking to. The boy I’d been falling in love with, online and in real life. I was going to tell you right there, but you were so mad at me and so cute and I couldn’t resist trying to see if I could get you to fall in love with me, too. As Sander. And after that kiss, I knew what we had was real. Whether over text or in a freezing cold pool, it was real.”

Robbe blinked in disbelief. Was he really hearing this? It wasn’t some colossal joke Sander was playing on him? 

“Sander….” he said carefully. “Is that true? Is that really—” but before he could finish, Sander was kissing him again, winding a hand into his hair, immersing him completely, deeply into him.

It was true. 

.....

So, telling their friends about their relationship had been interesting. 

First, Jen had walked in on them, sloshing coffee all over himself when he saw Sander pulling off Robbe’s shirt. That had been a hard one to explain.

But the weirdest part was that no one had really seemed surprised. Sure, Jens was taken back initially, but as they sat in the kitchen sharing coffee (after Robbe had reclaimed his shirt and gotten dressed), Robbe sitting on Sander’s lap, Jens had smiled at them like a proud dad. 

You’re like yin and yang, he’d said. Somehow you two just fit.

And they did. In so many ways. Their minds, their souls, their bodies...

They just fit. 

[whootwhoot]

»»—— 𝘛𝘛𝘛𝘊 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 1: "𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵" ——««

Akaashi Keiji x Fem! Reader 

author’s note: hey guys! this is the first chapter for my 50 followers fic “Third Times The Charm” (TTTC) hope yall like it^^ it’s looooong so ill put it below the cut 

(quick note, I took the privilege of putting myself in this HAHAHAHA)

☕ synopsis: Iwaizumi Y/n, a student who goes to Aoba Johsai as well as the second year manager for the school’s male volleyball team. What happens when she sets eyes on the cute setter from Fukurodani?

[ CHAPTER 1 - It might just work out ]

“Woah” 

You stare in awe as words can’t express the short rush of excitement every time you watch the volleyball players spike the ball. 

“Y/n~” your friend and third year manager for your school’s volleyball team, El hums as she gets your attention. 

“What are you looking at?” 

“The game obviously.” 

El bumps your shoulder with hers, sitting closer to you as she shows her sly smile

“Oh ho, you didn’t specify.” 

“Elaborate on that please.” you ask, eyeing your friend with a curious look 

“Are you watching the ball or the pretty guy setting the ball?” 

You notice how El emphasized on the word “setting”, looking back at the court as she motions with her fingers. 

“That one?” 

You proceed to playfully punch her shoulder 

El lets out a giggle as she leans closer towards you  “I can get his number for you.”

“That’s funny.”  “Besides, I can get it on my own.” El smirks when she sees you rolling your eyes 

“So you’re interested.” 

“NO- I mean, like, that was hypothetical.” 

“Your reaction reaaaaaally isn't helping here.”

The sound of a volleyball hitting the ground cuts El off as the both of you turn your heads over to see the team your cute setter is on, cheering. 

You groan while standing up, heading towards the exit of the hall, with El following closely behind. 

“Awww giving up already?” 

“What do you think?” you wink

“Woah~ were you always this bold or did this happen because you feel like getting back at your ex?”

“C’mon El, I was always this bold. That man just wasn’t worth it.” 

“Now that’s my girl!” El excitedly puts her arm over your shoulder as you slowly conjure up a plan in order to take your pretty setter on a date. 

“Anyways did you see the guy with spiky hair? He’s adorable! The way he cheers makes me want to smile…” your mouth curves into a small smile as your friend continues to gush about the team members from just now. 

----

“Iwa-chan!” 

“Yeah?” 

“Oh, fuck.” you grumble under your breath.

“Language.” your brother gives you a glare as you stick out your tongue at him.

It's always an awkward situation whenever someone says “Iwa-chan”, but hey it isn’t your fault for having the same family name as Hajime. 

Break time at the volleyball camp is chaotic, just a bunch of teenage guys fighting for meat while the team managers watch or help cook the meat. It’s hilarious to watch too.

“Hey El, can you help me with this, I need to uh, leave for a moment.” 

“Sure?” El raises her eyebrows as you pass her the tongs. 

“I’ll uh be riiiiiiight back.”  You swear you saw El wink and mouth “Good luck” at you when you left. 

----

“That’s him! Perfect, he’s not around him right now.” you take a deep breath while hoping your plan will work out like you planned. 

“Hi there! You’re uh, Bokuto right?” 

“Yup!” the boy enthusiastically replies, you look downwards to see his hands holding a plate filled with meat.

“Woah- uh Bokuto-san I have a small request if you don’t mind.” 

“Sure! I’ll gladly help a cute girl like you!!” being stunned by the sudden compliment, you fidget with your hands even more.

“Uh the setter on your team, the one with messy black hair?”

“You mean Akaashi?” 

“That’s his name?”  “Nevermind” you quickly continue to ask your questions.

“Does he have a… you know uh, a girlfriend?” the question came up in a whisper 

“AKAASHI HAS A GIRLFRIEND?” 

Your face flushes pink as you fumble with your hands

“Not so loud! It was just a question!” 

Before Bokuto answered he took a huge bite of his meat, chewing it as he reply 

“MhMm I don’t know, why don’t you ask him? He’s over there.” 

“nO-” you raise your voice at him

“AKAASHI!” 

Before the charming boy can see you, you take off running as fast as you can. Your heart beats fast with an equal amount of embarrassment and excitement. You’ve never felt this nervous before, not even when trying to get your ex out on a date for the first time. With that being said, that man was definitely not worth it. 

You can feel your face heating up as you slow down your steps, out of breath as you sit down on the stairs in front of the hall. 

Well that didn’t work out well, neither did your first attempt this morning. You had your lines ready to ask him, but before you could talk to him your brother yelled for you.  “Dammit Hajime, did you really have to ruin my chances of talking to such a gorgeous man.”

Here you are now sitting in front of the hall, you let out a soft sigh while hugging your legs. 

You didn’t just find Akaashi attractive, the way he has his focus completely in the court when he plays just draws you in more. You want to know more about him, he started out as a complete stranger, but the more you watch him play the more interesting he gets.

He doesn’t celebrate by cheering as loudly as possible, he stands there quietly, always observing and deciding which was the best move. 

He is like the sunset, you want to see more of it as the time goes on. As soon as the sun sets and the orange sky slowly fades to black, you wish to look at it over and over again. 

“Maybe love just isn’t for me yet…” “Dammit y/n don’t let him get to you! Your ex lover was just an asshole who thinks you are undeserving of love.” 

You lightly slap both sides of your cheeks before standing up, determined to find a way to talk to Akaashi. You take a look at your surroundings as you head inside the hall, it was empty at that time with only the belongings of the volleyball players placed on the benches. 

Your eyes sparkle as you come up with a plan.

“THAT'S IT!”

----

“Akaashi come get your stuff.” 

“Bokuto-san… have you been taking photos with my phone?” 

“Why? Is there something in your phone?” 

Bokuto walks over to Akaashi as he holds out his phone,

“Is that a picture of a phone?” 

“Who’s phone is this?” 

“How would I know?” 

“It also has a phone number typed on the screen.”

Akaashi narrows his eyes as he tries to make sense of the photo. He noticed that there was a figure of someone with slightly longer hair in the photo, presumably a girl who took it. There was also a keychain in the shape of an owl connected to the phone in the photo. 

“Maybe you should give them a call or text.” Bokuto suggests as he hands Akaashi his bag. 

“That would be weird… and I don’t even know who they are.” 

“I mean, that person took a photo of their number for a reason right? Akaashi just relax, it should be fine.” Bokuto reassures 

Akaashi stands up, the thought of texting the person who took that picture intrigues him, but should he? What if that person took the wrong phone? What if it was a prank? 

“C'mon Kaa’shi, you won’t know unless you try.”  “And hurry up, the bus is waiting!” 

Akaashi can’t help but softly smile at his friend, you ought to be careful when taking advice from Bokuto-san, but taking this one wouldn’t hurt right? 

----

“Gosh y/n stop it.” 

“Stop what?” 

“You can’t even sit still on the bus right now.” 

El leans closer before asking “What’s got you so excited.” she asks as she raises one eyebrow.

----

“YOU WHAT?” 

“Shhh keep it down El!” 

“You took a photo of your phone with your number on it with his phone?”

“Genius right?” 

El lightly slaps the side of her legs, laughing  “And now you’re waiting for him to call you?”.

“Hey in my defence that was the only thing I can come up with, don’t blame me for having such amazing ideas.” you mock the word “amazing” while waving your arms in the shape of a rainbow.

“Plus, third times the charm.” 

“Hmm y/n, it might just work out.” 

You blush slightly at the thought of that, looking over to the window “Maybe it might…”

“HEY- “STOP PLEASE- STOP THAT!”  El suddenly starts tickling you, making you laugh while yelling for her to stop

“This is payback for not getting the cute spiker’s phone number for me!”

“HeY- that isn’t my fault! You could’ve gotten it yourself A- STOP”

“You done?”  the both of you turn your heads to see Hajime standing beside your seats, glaring at the both of you.

“Some of us are trying to rest here.” 

“Sorry Haji…” you mumble at your brother. 

“Iwa-chan, don’t go too harsh on our managers!” Oikawa yelled from the back of the bus 

“Yeah, don’t go too harsh on us Iwaizumi-kun.” you can’t help but giggle as soon as El said that.

Hajime then looks you in the eye to tell you

“Oh y/n, you’re doing the dishes tonight.”

“Wait... it’s my turn already?” 

“No, but i thought it’d be fun to mess up our turns.” 

“You can’t do that!”

“I’m older than you.”

“BY NINE MINUTES! AND HOW IS THAT A VALID ARGUMENT??”

“Doesn’t change anything.” he smirks as you stare at him with your mouth wide open 

“Can you believe him?” you cross your arms as El pats your back, chuckling at your dismay.

----

“Haji, I’m heading to bed now.” 

“All right, good night Chicken.” 

“Stop calling me that or I’ll tell Tooru-san you think he looks better than you.”

“Using my pride against me huh, well played.” 

“Shut up.” 

Hajime smirks and shakes his head while you run up the staircase to your room.

----

“Finally.” 

You jump onto your bed, happily tossing and turning on it. Just as you reach for your phone, the notification buzzes and it falls from the table. 

“uUghH…” you try to reach it from your bed, stretching your arms as far as you can so you wouldn't need to get up. 

“Who’s this?” you mumble to yourself, staring at the unknown number who just texted you.

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Unknown: 

Hello?

Y/n:

Do I know you??

Unknown: 

Who are you?

Y/n: 

WhaT 😕 😕 ?? How did you get my number??

Unknown: 

You were the one who left it on my phone with a picture

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

“What the hell? Who’s stupid enough to do that?” you read in disbelief

“Tap tap tap” the room was quiet, just the sound of you typing on your phone

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Y/n: 

😔 That’s some lame excuse you got there buddy.

Unknown: 

Are you kidding me? Is this a prank? 

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

“Psh someone probably pranked this poor person.” you were about to drag his contact into your blacklist until a sudden realization hit you like a bullet. 

Are you the idiot who was stupid enough to leave someone a picture of your phone number?

“Oh shit.” 

- end of chapter one - 

  « masterlist / next »

(author’s end notes: omg thanks for reading this far, im sure this was very very hard to read thru^^)

[elishamanning]

Now I've listened to the whole podcast (not that long this time) and OMG, Christoph Kramer please marry me!!! I completely understand Manu's heart eyes, and Leon's, if he's always like that (and he sounds completely authentic). First of all he's a few minutes late because he was playing cards with a player from the U21. They're talking about the Bayern game, obviously, and how important was knowing Yann Sommer was behind them, outdoing himself? Suddenly Chris is gushing about "beautiful Yann in his hot navy-blue jersey, everything about him perfect, everything on point that evening, not a hair out of place, you could tell it would be a great night for him". (you can practically hear the twinkle in his eyes) At another point in the podcast talking about how Flo Neuhaus is so photogenic and usually looks great in photos, but how the wizards from the media department even made himself look good on the autograph cards, him, who's the opposite of photogenic! "There are photos of me... you can't imagine!" and always getting nervous when a photo's about to be taken, "because you want to do something, and I always fail" Like, he went to the Supercup with some friends and they wanted to take a selfie to send to another friend and "...well, let's say we sent it anyway" hahaha. Knippi says he gets Chris' problem there, ChriKra "Oh, but you have such a lovely profile!" (Flo N meanly keeps confirming how bad ChriKra is on/with having his picture taken) They talk about the Bayern game, obviously, and in detail, the game itself, blablabla. Anyway, Chris loved - and Flo agrees - Knippi introducing them while they were out on the pitch "hearing the fans shout your name, the best feeling ever. Was that your idea?" Knippi says, no, that was only because of the whole entertainment programme they had to get through for the season opener. They're disappointed. Chris: "But can't you keep it like that? Like draw the whole stuff out to do the lineup when we're already out? While we're still in you could tell jokes or something!" Knippi says "Sat1 (TV channel) is back in the football business (they used to have the BuLi rights in the 90s and then not for a long time), how did you like that? Do you even care?" C "Not really, but it's all too much, I think! I wanted to watch Bundesliga on the weekend so turned on Sky and waited and wondered why it didn't start, turns out DAZN has the rights now for the Sunday matches. The next tournament will be on RTL or something? It's too much!" "So you don't care who does the post-match interviews?" "Not really, no. They're all... well of course when you get Ecki Heuser and you think 'now please don't ask me the mentality question on the first matchday of the season!'" HAHAHAHA "I think it should all be on ZDF!" Flo and Knippi laugh. C: "Yes, well. I do." Gushing about Bela Réthy. "I don't usually agree with him, but just his voice! I just associate it with football, and with great tournaments and excitement! If he wanted to read me a bedtime story every night, I wouldn't mind." The anniversary of Chris' first BuLi goal. "Oh yes I saw that on our social media." Flo "Yes, what did they caption it as? 'Not beautiful but important'?" Chris: "'Not beautiful but rare'" Flo "HAHA, EVEN better!" (He is so mean to him and Chris is so nice to *him*) Anyway. Chris reminisces about that moment and says he was sooo happy, he nearly cried. Like, he really had to swallow thickly, but then Flaco jumped on his back and everybody was roaring and he roared along with them, but he was... sooo happy. Then Flo remembers his first goal. (Chris also remembers it in detail, the opponent and the game itself. "First you assisted Papi (=Raffael), then you scored yourself.") Knippi: "Did you also nearly cry?" Flo: "No, of course not, I was more happy." Chris "I was happy, too!" Flo: "But you talked about crying!" "Yeah, crying from happiness? Don't you know that feeling, when you're so happy the tears start coming?" Flo "No." HAHAHAHA

Okay. I have to go to bed and this has already gotten too long. But anyway. Christoph Kramer, I love you. He's amazing. And the other two are great, too.

omg thank you so much for this he’s so wonderfulllll

"beautiful Yann in his hot navy-blue jersey, everything about him perfect, everything on point that evening, not a hair out of place, you could tell it would be a great night for him"

lmaooo chrikra obsessing over how beautiful yann is is literally all of us (as it should be tbh)

the opposite of photogenic

chrikra if you aren’t photogenic i’m almost afraid of how pretty you must be in person

'now please don't ask me the mentality question on the first matchday of the season!'

god i hope he wasn’t stuck doing any post match interviews today lol

Chris "I was happy, too!" Flo: "But you talked about crying!" "Yeah, crying from happiness? Don't you know that feeling, when you're so happy the tears start coming?" Flo "No." HAHAHAHA

lmaoooo i relate chrikra i cry with basically every extreme emotion haha

they’re really just both so wonderful i love them a lot

[keelymewett]

Zombie Movie: I Am Legend (2007)

“Here’s Karen at the health desk.”

Karen from the health desk. (Picture: A female news anchor, Karen from the health desk.)

Language warning (sorry kids, but this is an MA15+ movie). 

I shit you not, that’s one of the opening quotes of the movies. So, friends and enemies, welcome to the longest review I’ve done of a zombie movie yet. It’s 1:35am here in Australia and I’ve just finished rewatching I Am Legend, everything’s fresh in my mind and I’m hyped up on chocolate. 

This movie has incredible tension, a fresh take on the zombie apocalypse, and it’s based on the 1954 novel by Richard Matherson, which inspired the modern day vampire and zombie movies. Why you may ask? Because it popularised the concept of a worldwide apocalypse due to a disease... now I’m beginning to realise that watching zombie movies during a global pandemic maybe wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. Any who. 

YouTube rewind made me forget how bloody good of an actor Will Smith is, and boy does he deliver in this movie. Robert’s (that his character, btw, though I will probably end up just referring to the character as Will Smith) interactions with Sam the goodest girl in the world (she’s a dog) and the mannequins is incredible.

The goodest girl in the world. (Picture: A dog (I’m sorry - I don’t know dog breeds! I’m 99% sure she’s a German Shepard) being given a bath and head scratches by Will Smith.)

Now: three things to look forward to in this “review” (assuming you read the spoilery section below). One: how realistic is this apocalypse? Two: there’s a dog. Three: zombie vampires. Vampire zombies? 

Backgrounds details! (Picture: Will Smith opened the fridge. On the fridge door are photos of his wife and daughter, a calendar dated for December, a drawing with “Marley” written in kids handwriting, post-it notes, a pamphlet with the heading “Quarantine”, and a Time Magazine cover of Robert Neville (Will Smith). The title reads (heading) “Saviour?” (sub-heading) “Soldier, Scientist” (body of text) “In a Battle that Could Save Thousands of Lives, Lt. Col. Robert Neville Takes on the XV Virus.”

Also, there’s banging in my house at the moment and when I say I’m peaking. I’m going to need to listen to some music while I write this.

Read on for a fun time! Spoilers ahoy!

Realism (the really relevant part. Yikes)

Okay, so what’s this fresh take on the apocalypse? Basically, this doctor cures cancer and it all goes to shit from there. I’m not 100% on the logistical jump from “destroying cancer cells” to “humans (and animals) becoming bloodthirsty mutants that burn in the sun” - for instance, this is just my sci-fi high-school biology and physics brain working here, cancer is basically a rogue cell that mutates other cells and destroys them in the process, yeah? So if the doctor, like she said, uses these cancer cells to work for the body and in the process “cures” cancer, wouldn’t the humans just... infect each other and the virus would kill the host if it went south? Given, that did happen in like 90% of cases as Will Smith explains, but where does the sunlight allergy come in? Is cancer afraid of UV? Confused, but I digress. 

... Is that my queen, Missy, from Umbrella Academy? (Picture: A woman with blood leaking from her eyes, holding a child and shouting for help.)

The scene where they’re listening to the radio and the guy is like we’re “issuing a military quarantine of New York City” I’m like bitch you wish. Unrealistic. The USA currently (9/10/2020) has the highest cases of COVID-19 in the world (for future historians and poor school children, it’s at 7.68 MILLION cases, no statistic for recovered cases for some weird ass reason, and sadly, 212,000 deaths. For reference, here in Australia we’ve had as of today 27,206 cases, 24,807 recovered and 897 deaths. New Zealand, who went into hard lockdown, had as of today, 1,864 cases, 1,800 recovered, and 25 deaths, with a period where there were 0 new cases for several days.)

Though, with that in mind, everyone going outside and gathering in large crowds? Realistic. 

The actual movie part

Praises time! Will Smith has a stockpile of food. Also, him getting Sam (the dog) to eat her vegetables like she’s a little kid? Cutest thing ever. 

Stockpilesss. (Picture: Will Smith wearing an apron and preparing a meal in a kitchen chock full of food items, including things like Pringles and spaghetti sauce.)

Setting alarms on his watch for sunset? Brilliant, smart idea, fantastic. Re-enforced windows and door, AND booby-trapped house? Incredible, genius. Setting traps to catch the zomvamps? (like the dumb name I just came up with? Don’t worry, I’ll reveal the stupid arbitrary name they ACTUALLY came up with later) Talent, intelligence. 

Dude, why wouldn’t you restrain the head/chest? You know, the part that can bite you? (Picture: Will Smith in a lab coat standing over a female zombie-vampire who’s been secured to a metal bench by the wrists and ankles. Medical monitors are connected to her.)

Now, Will Smith is out here looking for a cure. And by looking, I mean actively creating. In a lab. He washes his hands before going in - *chef’s kiss* follow his example - and unlike other zombie movies where it’s super dramatic in the hunt for a cure, this is a lot more chill considering it’s a) been 3 years and b) is more like how science actually works. Trials, tests, animal test-subjects (there is a debate about the ethics of this which I won’t go into here) (I mean a debate in real life not in the zombie movie haha) and human test-subjects. 

“Did you kidnap my girlfriend, bro?” (Picture: bald, pale muscular dude-bro-looking zombie-vampire roaring in rage.)

The mother-fracking zombies

I have to say it: these are the most dumbass looking vampire-zombies. I say vampire-zombies (zomvamps) because they avoid sunlight but also eat people? 

Now, unlike most zombie movies, these are really bloody intelligent zomvamps. At one point, after setting a booby trap and catching a zomvamp after stumbling into a nest of them, Robert says “They’re not showing any human social behaviour.” Hahahaha. Okay bitch first of all dude bro screamed when you kidnapped his mate, secondly dude bro has pet dogs, thirdly dude bro fucking caught you in a trap. He took revenge on you there, love. He followed you home!

The zomvamps are apex predators, can climb, run, hunt in packs, communicate with each other, set booby traps, make coordinated attacks, follow you home, learn where you live and remember it, and holy fuck humans had no chance. 

Thank you for clarifying, because I actually found this quite funny. Like, look at him! (Picture: dude-bro zombie-vampire from earlier growling in front of a flaming car. The zombie-vampires are very CGI, pale, fish-person looking things with pale skin and completely bald of hair. This guy is wearing ripped clothes. The caption reads “Growls menacingly”.)

Random things I have in my notes but haven’t mentioned yet (yes I took notes) 

What’s with the apocalypse and mannequins? Looking at you, Five (Umbrella Academy). 

(Picture: Will Smith looking at a “female” mannequin, who is dressed in a coat and black bob wig. They’re in a movie store. Funnily enough, behind the mannequin is the “Adult” section of the films.)

I agree with the fuck-that-shit sentiment when you see a mannequin suddenly appear in a different part of the city - like how in the hell?? 

(Picture: Will Smith aiming a rifle at a mannequin in an orange jumper. Mannequin is usually located outside of the movie store, yet here it is randomly in the middle of the street at the end of a T-section. There are tall glass windows behind the mannequin, and the window to the right has a giant, gaping pitch black hole in it. It’s presumed that there is a nest of zombie-vampires in there.)

... so is this a booby trap for humans or for zomvamps? Because the former makes sense if that dude bro zomvamp analysed Will Smith’s trap from earlier and remade it (hence dropped the car off a bridge to string him up), and the latter doesn’t really make sense because a) you’ll only catch (and probably kill) one zomvamp and why would you want only one unless you’re Robert and two why tf aren’t you meeting up with Robert he’s been broadcasting and racing around town hunting deer (elk?) in a sports car. 

I’d like to know how hard it actually is to do like a weird sit-up and get yourself free of one of these kinds of traps. Am I dumb for thinking it’s not that hard? (Picture: Will Smith is suspended in the air by a rope tied around his ankle, the result of a booby-trap. He’s struggling to free himself.)

Come on, you’re literally a doctor and a soldier. Don’t tell me you’re actually considering pulling that out? (Picture: Will Smith has been impaled in the leg by something. It looks like he’s about to attempt to pull it out. He’s in the middle of the street as the sun sets, and Sam is right next to him.)

Sam is a queen. Here are some photos of her.

(Picture: Robert Neville’s wife carrying a baby Sam - Sam is a puppy, by the way, and very adorable. Neville’s young daughter is walking out of the gate to their house behind her mother.)

(Picture: Will Smith in a flashback saying goodbye to his wife and daughter and crying. Sam is licking away his tears.)

Sometimes I hate foreshadowing. (Picture: Will Smith searching a house. He opens a cupboard and there’s a newspaper article with a picture of a zombie-vampire dog. The article reads “Infected dogs can come out at dusk. Stay in the light.” There’s a number to call for questions.)

Worst birthday ever. Now I’m sad and there’s still half the movie left. 

(Picture: Will Smith sitting on the floor of his lab, hugging Sam, who’s just been bitten by infected dogs.) 

Get Shrek’d.

(Picture: The ‘Shrek’ movie playing on the TV in Neville’s house.)

Ma’am, do you not know how to ration? That is such a waste of food. (Picture: the woman and kid who rescued Will Smith have cooked breakfast. She’s cooked way too many scrambled eggs for two adults and a kid, and all the of the bacon for literally no reason.)

Oh yeah, wanna know what they call the zombies in this movie? 

Dark Seekers. They dropped that one on us well into the final half of the movie. Dark Seekers? Really? I won’t get into how dumb that sounds when you had two options to choose from - vampires and zombies. Hell, go with my suggestion of zomvamps, even vampzoms. Dark Seekers? Sorry, I get hung up on dumb zombie-alternative names. Sure, I get the atmosphere might be ruined by calling them vampires or zombies, but not even lying I didn’t realise she said “Dark Seekers” until I turned the CC on to grab a quote. I thought she said “Dog Keepers” hahahaha. “The dog keepers got them.” My defence is that the dude bro did keep dogs. 

Finally, wrapping this up at 2:15 before I add in pictures, you’re telling me approximately 100 zomvamps made a coordinated attack on Will Smith’s house to eat... 3 people? That’s like me and a hundred mates descending on the pentagon for a fucking snickers bar. We’d get like an atom each. 

Oh, what’s that? They’re here to rescue one person? Really? Really? How in the fuck are they even zombies if their primary purpose isn’t to eat humans. I’m disappointed. But points for a fresh take, at least. 

Now one of the things I remember about this movie is that is has an alternate ending. The actual ending (huge spoilers but then again, you’re in the spoiler section) has Will Smith sacrifice himself (read: blow himself and the zomvamps up with a grenade) to defend the cure and save his new friends. The alternate ending, which was scrapped due to negative audience reaction, has Will Smith communicate with the zomvamps who like actually calm down and listen to him. He gives the dude bro back his friend, and... no one dies. 

I’m sorry, how is an ending where, sure, a cure isn’t found YET, but, the “villains” of the movie are humanised and a new side of them is seen that shows, hey, maybe there’s another way through this apocalypse, better than an ending where Will Smith dies? Make it make sense test audience. Because, remember, there’s still a whole bunch of immune people living out here, and three of them are currently in the same room. Robert’s only been working on the cure for 3 years. How many years do you reckon it takes to cure cancer? Hint: it’s ongoing in real life. Just because the cure isn’t found in the movie doesn’t mean it won’t be found. Ughhhh. I digress again. 

I have more random photos but I am very tired. If anyone’s interested in hearing me roast butterflies, the world not actually ending in 2012, and a missed pun about Until Dawn (even though it was made like ten years after this), and a quick analysis on Robert Neville and God, let me know :) 

Have a great day everyone, wash your hands, social distance if possible, and quarantine. Just because the COVID-19 virus isn’t turning us into zombies doesn’t mean it isn’t hurting us. 

Worldwide statistics, 9/10/2020: 36.2M total cases, 25.3M recovered, 1.06M deaths. 

(Picture: Will Smith saying “I like ‘Shrek’ after just quoting an entire scene of it to win a kid’s trust.)

[carolinesbookworld]

tagged by @kabeswaters and @swellwriting <3

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 0

describe yourself in a hashtag? very similar to @fortisfiliae #stressedanddepressed

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? Harrison Osterfield

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? prepare for disaster

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? um...idk my boyfriend knows basically everything about me sooooooo

what’s your wake up ritual? wake up, turn off alarm (bc with this at-home learning stuff i’ve been waking up like literally 1 min before my alarm goes off???), text good morning to my bf, snapchat, discord bc moonlit fam talks allll night, tumblr, get out of bed, wash face, get dressed, coffee and breakfast it’s very specific

what’s your go to bed ritual? wash glasses and face bc my skin is soo oily by the end of the day so you best believe my glasses be needing washing everyday, shower, say goodnight to fam, text bf for like 15 mins or until he says goodnight, turn alarm on, plug in phone, go to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? morning but specifically from 7:30 until 9  

your go to for having a good laugh? FRIENDS as in the show

dream country to visit? Australia bc my dad once got to hold a baby koala there and i wanna do that so bad

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? so my family moved before my sophomore year so me and my bff started trying to surprise each other whenever one of us came to visit and the weekend of my birthday, she skypes me as she’s walking around what i thought was her house and then i start hearing an echo and next thing i know she’s standing in the doorway of my room and that was pretty much the best surprise ever

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers converse

vintage or new? new but i love vintage aesthetic i just couldn’t live with it

who do you want to write your obituary? karli @swellwriting bc she is my brain twin and i would be mocking her horrible grammar and spelling from my grave and we would both get a good laugh about it in the afterlife

style icon? the mom i babysit for haha she’s like one of my best friends tho which sounds really weird but it’s true

what are three things you cannot live without? books, dogs, days that are exactly 65 degrees

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? um idk chocolate??

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Sarah J. Maas, Eddie Redmayne, my boyfriend bc i haven’t had dinner with him for 47 days

what’s your biggest fear in life? losing the people i love...and spiders

window or aisle seat? window bc aisle makes me anxious that i’m in people’s way

what’s your current tv obsession? the cw’s nancy drew it’s so good please go watch it

favorite app? instagram, discord, or tumblr, depends on my mood

secret talent? um idk i can draw very realistic portraits of people when i take the time to

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? okay so technically this wasn’t me who did it but i was part of the adventure. when me and my boyfriend were just “friends” ie. liked each other and knew we liked each other but were too scared to admit it. anyway, we had this elaborate plan to shave our youth group leader’s head if we were able to bring in a certain amount of food for the food drive during vbs week. so yeah we spent like three days planning the whole thing out and then decided to go price shopping at walmart with all of our younger siblings bc we needed supervision or something lol to see how many individual things of food we could buy with $20 each we ended up just getting like 20 huge boxes of ramen and then his sister ended up throwing up so we took her home and then went back to church where my car was parked but instead of turning to get to church my boyfriend decides to go straight through the stop light (it was green okay) and spontaneously drive up into the foothills. well we get to the top of the foothills and we’re at the lake and we all get out to look at the city and my boyfriend claims that we need to document this moment so he takes a selfie with all of us and we somehow ended up right next to each other in it and i only found this out like three months ago (this happened back in june) that he only took the picture because he wanted one of us together in case we didn’t start dating lol so sweet and yeah, that was a very long story but i needed context instead of just saying “yeah we drove up a mountain”

how would you define yourself in three words? loyal, anxious, passionate

favorite piece of clothing you own? this dark coral dress that makes my eyes and hair look really pretty

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a hoodie

a superpower you would want? i want to be able to project my thoughts into someone else’s mind bc i’m so bad at explaining stuff sometimes especially when it comes to how i feel

what’s inspiring you in life right now? ACOTAR series by Sarah J. Maas, highly recommend

best piece of advice you’ve received? opening up to more than one person is important because if you lose that person then you’ve lost all your support

best advice you’d give your teenage self? the friends who have stuck around this long are the ones you want to hang onto and the ones that you need are the ones you don’t always see

a book everyone should read? The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

what would you like to be remembered for? being a crazy dog mama

how do you define beauty? confidence in yourself and not caring what others think about you

what do you love most about your body? my metabolism

best way to take a rest/decompress? open a window to feel the breeze and listen to Islands by Hey Ocean! which is so calming to me

favorite place to view art? nature or tumblr

if your life was a song, what would the title be? we’re going with a fob/p!atd theme here and calling it “depression screwed me over so i screwed it back and ended up worse off”

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably on my forearm or by my left hip

dolphins or koalas? koalas did i mention that i want to hold a baby koala

what’s an animal that represents you? great dane puppy ie. very excitable but will also take a four hour nap when tired

best gift you’ve ever received? my best friend made this photo collage for me when i moved that is hanging in my room and it has a bunch of pictures of me and her over the years and i just love it

best gift you’ve given? for christmas i gave my boyfriend a hammock and the bookshelf addition of clue, two things he had no idea i would remember him mentioning and his face was priceless. also i made my mom a cake for her birthday this year and she was so happy and said it made her feel very special <3

what’s your favorite board game? clue or ticket to ride (specifically nordic countries)

what’s your favorite color? currently a pale turquoise

least favorite color? any shade of light brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bc i don’t wear makeup enough to validate buying designer, also i don’t really care

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee cof-

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? palindrome is wild because it means a word spelled the same way forwards and backwards but it itself is not one such word

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? summer but like, only june

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? panera mac n cheese

a dessert you don’t like? red velvet cake which btw is not red-colored chocolate cake as many would have you believe

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing

best thing to happen to you today? i got to put all of my new plants in my windowsill and i named one of them (its name is albert in case you were wondering)

worst thing to happen to you today? idk today’s been pretty good as far as quarantine goes

best compliment you’ve ever received? my boyfriend calls me beautiful all the time and he always reminds me that that is describing looks and personality

favorite smell? coffee or my boyfriend’s sweatshirt for the week after i steal it

hugs or kisses? can i choose both?? depends on my mood mostly but i guess hugs if i just had to pick one

if you made a documentary, would it be about? literally anything relating to the mcu

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? a court of wings and ruin by sjm

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? literally any female in the teen wolf cast

how do you know you’re in love? hahahaha haha what's love

a song you can listen to on repeat? we fall apart by we as human or uma thurman by fob

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? idk my boyfriend probably, this is something we have discussed in depth

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? for life to go back to normal

tagging @finnofamerica @woakiees @beskarjedi @outerlacy @swanimagines hahahahaha have funnnnn this took me an hour to answer

[alkhale]

Hello hello miss!... Uh, I think that's how you identify??? If not, please tell me!!! I don't wanna misgender you on accident or something Q-Q Anyways, I've been reading Memo, and I! Really love Hoku, and the way she interacts with the world, and her relationships with everyone, it's just really well written. Plus, she sounds REALLY pretty and I'm weak for that. That aside, are you up for getting ideas for Memo!AUs people've had, or headcanons? If not it's cool, just wanted to ask :> ~ Vira

omg u good, dw anon. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU CUTIE, I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD USE AN uwu WHEN ANSWERING THIS ONE HAHAHAHA. Thank you for loving it and thank you so much!! CALLING HOKU PRETTY IS SO SWEET WHEN SHE PROBABLY JUST LOOKS AT HERSELF LIKE HELL YEAH THAT KIIONOHI WAS WORTH IT. 

I’m guilty of already having a lot of AU ideas for Memos and I might just start a story on AO3 for a collection of them so they don’t clutter the actual story or I can go more in depth or explore some other things hahaha. I’ll start putting them in little omakes and stuff, but Memos chapters have been hella long so I’m worried about overbogging stuff but y’all seem chill with these crazy counts so i hope u don’t mind

AUs:

- School AU, this one’s just fun shenanigans and I love modern AUs. School Council President Sabo, Ace being Ace, Hot teacher Shanks, for some reason Kid and Hoku both have the same art class in basic architecture and metal welding because he’s a grease monkey and Hoku likes designs. Straw Hat crew in school, Brook’s a popular soul musician. Franky and Robin are teachers. 

- MODERN AU. I have so many ideas i wanna hash out for different Modern AUs, hahaha, i’m so attracted to these and was this close to writing it out instead as its own kind of story but Memos won over. 

ASL+Hoku living together and their daily life (together its HASL like hassle and that’s exactly what it’s like with these idiots)

Started to live together once Ace and Sabo were in their third year of high school, it’s been awhile now. (Hoku’s family passed away when she was young, Garp was doing marine work stationed in Hawaii and took an interest in her but before he could find her, she went to live with ‘someone else’ until he managed to shove her in with Luffy, she’s technically an emancipated minor)

Ace is a construction worker/part time fire fighter and picks up all sorts of odd jobs and errand runs.

Whitebeard took him in on several occasions when stuff happened. Ace is super close to the group even though they’re lowkey high profile crime bosses. Marco’s a doctor underground and professional, Thatch is a chef (whitebeard’s crew always sends gifts and visits and hooks them up with deals at random places)

“Ace! Can you call Marco? I think Hoku’s anemic again.”

“I swear to god, put down that phone he’s going to give me all those pills and I don’t wanna pay the hospital bill–”

“But it’s free.”

“God damn it.”

Sabo works for a high fashion brand design/political activist group (somehow these two meshed and Dragon runs both so)

Hoku and Luffy are students almost finishing up with high school. 

Sabo is designated most put-together-has-his-shit-ready, if you can’t find your paint brushes Hoku, ask Sabo. Ace, Sabo put ur laundry away already. He’s usually in charge of meals and making sure the bills get paid. (Their apartment is spacious but a little dingy and random stuff breaks or falls apart but Ace and Hoku are really handy and always fixing shit)

Ace can only make pasta and grilled foods. He’s great with the barbecue. Luffy can’t cook. Hoku cooks pretty damn well but she’s clumsy in the kitchen so she tries to cook before Sabo or Ace get home and they scream something about her cutting off a finger and needing stitches again

House is always decorated with flowers or something nice like a painting or photos or tapestries. Hoku always does that.

They have a small garden plot by the apartment complex. Hoku and Sabo take care of it. Ace and Luffy eat from it a lot and run out animals trying to steal the tangerines from the tree Nami’s adopted mom gave them as a house warming gift.

The three of them fill out a lot of her pages in her sketchbooks and easels. “Is that Sabo again?” “Yeah, he fell asleep reading and he looks too perfect so I wanted to draw it.” “That kinda pisses me off.” “Me too, we’ll do something about it when I finishl.”

Her art classmates are always super eager to see her stuff and ask about the hot older guys in her drawings and please ask them to model. Hoku relents. Ace comes in to model because he gets paid. That’s a story for another day.

Hoku has regular poker nights for awhile now with a group of people Ace and Sabo didn’t think about (they always thought it was the girls or some friends like their friend group) until one night Luffy goes to hang out with the others and they’re like?? Hoku??? and Luffy’s like?? Hoku doesn’t do poker nights with us you dummies.

This sends them into a panic attack and Sabo has Hoku’s location at all times because he did something permanent to her phone (Hoku does not know this) and they visit (stalk) her at one of her poker nights. Find out its in some weirdly shady fancy club body guarded by a bunch of ridiculously macho looking guys (it’s actually Daz, Vergo and some others) They stake out and froth at the mouth, nearly dying when they see Hoku walk out surrounded by GIANT MEN DOUBLE HER SIZE AND AGE, HOKU HONEY, WHAT? It’s Crocodile and Doflamingo, usually Mihawk, and sometimes Jimbei comes.

Hoku’s like ?? I’ve played poker with these guys for forever. (They’re big crime syndicates and totally into illegal business and Sabo knows this and Ace is ready to murder) but apparently Hoku weaseled her way in and she’s a good player so they have fun and like gambling with her. They always suggest taking her to Vegas with them because they’re high rollers but Hoku’s always like nah i got school and work.

Sabo and Ace after herding her home try to convince her to stop meeting with them and Hoku’s just like lmao no and takes out huge wads of cash from her pockets. “They’re ridiculously rich and I win a lot.” They also pay for a lot of good food and Hoku’s not about to pass that up. (She sneaks leftovers for Luffy all the time ((but the older men already know and usually just have shit boxed up for her anyway))) 

“But they’re older men and dangerous!”

“It’s not like I’m going on a date with them. It’s just gambling.”

“You like older men!”

“Oh, yeah, huh.”

Law and Kid are classmates and Luffy and Hoku hang out with them a lot when its not with their crew and Ace and Sabo are always like cant you hang out with better people. Kid and Law never feel welcome in their house but Hoku’s just like dw if they bother u i won’t talk to them and then they get upset and yada yada. Doesn’t stop Ace and Sabo from being super mean looking and scary. Kid and Law are hard to ward off, unfortunately.

Law’s studying to be a doctor, well on the way. Kid’s a mechanic and works at a shop and does street racing. Hoku wants to design a car interior for him.

People always say Sabo seems like the prim and perfect gentlemen of the three and he’ll make a good husband and they just laugh and Hoku tells Koala and she laughs because they always wave their hands and say nah nah, Sabo’s secretly the most sneaky and lowkey scary/sadistic/a tease out of all of them, don’t let the pretty face fool you

(and he really is, sometimes he makes Hoku beg for the pretty cakes he brings home from work from clients because he thinks its cute when she’s trying to reach them over his head)

Shanks is a famous traveler/explorer, always known for doing crazy stuff and his team of explorers climb mountains, explore caves, travel all around the world and take beautiful shots and Hoku and Luffy always tune in. Shanks saved Luffy once from a freak accident and he’s his hero and Hoku has such a hopeless crush on him.

Modern AU where Law is Luffy’s partner in college for a project and he goes to Luffy’s house. Hoku’s a TA for Shanks and stupidly stupid for him and Law meets her and feels things.

Modern AU where Strawhat crew goes on a road trip.

Monsters AU. Hoku’s a ghost.

Hanahaki AU. Red flowers.

Marines AU.

Genderbent AU.

Some other ones but i gotta go finish that essay i mentioned hahaha, hope these were fun! the modern HASL one ran away with me

THANKS FOR LOVING IT

[hopefadeskg]

Most awkward moments for each member?

A/N: fuckin’ BET

HYPEHOUSE AWKWARD MOMENTS

Katsumi:

Definitely when she had to model for lingerie

In her own damn house

Since it’s so big and fancy and w o w, the photographers were like “yeah sure”

Nervously looking at the other house members between photos

Has to slap herself out of it

Literally

She just doesn’t know if she can pose all seductive with her nine year old sister staring her down

Once the photoshoot is over she locks herself in her room

Probably blasts “hello darkness my old friend” all night

Suki:

Getting caught snooping through Polly’s underwear drawer

She was expecting to see pretty bras like in her sister’s room

Was super confused when she pulled out a dull pair of boxers

Was even more confused about the flap at the front

Polly walking in the moment she shoved her tiny fist through the hole was the worst part

They sort of stared at each other for a while

“can i help you”

“yoURE IN MY ROOM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN CAN YOU HELP ME???”

Rika:

Probably getting caught staring at Rensaki

She doesn’t know why, she’s just aesthetically pleasing to look at

Stammers a lot and tries to come up with an excuse

When she can’t she goes to leave

But trips over a potted plant and falls hard on her ass

Definitely hid for three days straight

Rensaki:

When someone saw that she was making a drawing of Rika

She was out of her basement for once in her damn life 

Peacefully sitting on the balcony, watching Rika as she swimmed

Polly came up and took note that the girl in her sketchbook was Rika

“yknow instead of stalking her, im sure you can get her to sit still for you if you ask”

Polly almost died that day

Legit was halfway off the edge of the balcony when Kat zoinked him

Aspen:

WHEN THEIR ALTER MADE A THIRST TRAP TIKTOK

Wakes up the next morning, checks their phone

Sees a ton of likes and comments on one particular video

It’s them 

BODY ROLLS???

LIFTING??

SHIRT???

PINNING THE PHONE TO THE WALL???

Everyone else in the house SAW them make it

BECAUSE IT WAS IN THE DAMN LIVING ROOM

Polly:

HAHAHAHA

Walking in on Katsumi putting on her swimsuit

polly.exe has crashed

Opened the door and stopped mid-question

Had no emotion for a good five seconds

Eventually turned bright red and turned to leave

Busted his face on the doorframe

Crawled away in shame

He couldn’t look Katsumi in the eye for the rest of the day

Was extremely tense when she came into his room to cuddle

Ainslie:

Probably when she was having a full on debate with her bird

She thought everyone else was gone or busy

So she argued with her bird in the kitchen

“no squirrels arent even that bad!”

*chirp*

“DONT YOU DARE SASS ME”

The only reason she knew she was caught was because Aspen burst out into a fit of cackles

They got the whole thing on video

Definitely posted it

She’s trending, oop

Hikari:

Using Katsumi and Rika as models

But

For a sensual art piece

Katsumi was just laughing it off as she placed her hands on Rika’s waist

Rika was a blushing mess, ofc

But Hikari felt 

So

Awkward

Staring at these two beautiful women who were half naked, faking a sweet kiss

Felt so bad when Katsumi started feeling sore from leaning over Rika for so long

Rika almost fell asleep

Hikari almost cried of relief when it was over

[isisisak]

Not only do Isak and Even own The Chair™ but also The Drawer™. Just a drawer where they shoved everything they didn’t know where else to put. Bills, birthday cards, coupons for the locan burger place, a few coins of spare change, weed and so on and so on. 

The latter was the reason the boys and Isak were rummaging through that chaotic little flat right now. Because Isak could have sworn they still had a joint laying around somewhere. Even was off working at KB and Magnus and Mahdi came over to play fifa and smoke (they were simple to please). 

“Look in there.” Isak instructed Mags as he looked into their nightstand (because yeah... not letting the boys near that one). After Mags opened it Isak heard him make a disbelieving sound.  “Hva faen? You guys have been living here what, two months? How can you be this messy?” Mags started to shovel things at Mahdi. “Shut up! You’re messy.” Ok, this was admittedly a weak return because the boys all knew Mags’ place was the neatest anyone had ever seen. 

“What’s this?” Came Mahdi’s intrigued voice from behind Isak who looked over his shoulder as he was on the way to check under the bed. Mahdi was holding a thin, dark blue book. “Oh, that’s Even’s sketchbook.” Mahdi loaded what he was holding onto the tablet he was standing beside and started to flip through the pages. Isak had a little smile on his face thinking of Even’s little doodles that were in there while he looked around the room to find a spot he could search in next. Every few pages there were life-like looking drawings that bled Isak’s mind because they looked so real, but mostly Even didn’t have the patience for those.

“What the fuck?!” At Mahdi’s exclamation Isak’s head whipped around because as it happens, he had just remembered one real life-looking drawing of himself. One real life-looking drawing of himself, naked.

Isak scurried over to the other two boys (which didn’t take long, considering the flat was small and his legs long).

To Isak’s relief Mahdi, and now Magnus too over Mahdi’s shoulder, weren’t looking at his naked glory but at a life-looking drawing of Mahdi himself. Mahdi with a huge open grin on his face. Isak remembered telling Even wow, I can hear his laugh when I look at this.

“What! Even drew you? What the fuck, it looks so good, man!” Magnus craned his neck to look closer at the pencil drawing. “Yeah.” Was Mahdi’s breathless and stunned reply. Isak grinned. His chest filled with secondary pride. Yes, his perfect, hot, cooking, funny, caring and sunny boyfriend was also freaking talented.

“There’s also one of you, Mags.” Isak said and nudged Mags, because people gushing over Even? Sign him the fuck up.

So, they ended up going through the sketchbook (after Isak had made sure that that drawing wasn’t in there anymore and Even had put it in a safe place as promised) and Mags lost it for a good twenty minutes when they came across his.

When Even came back from his shift Mags hugged him (for too long, if you ask Isak) and Mahdi clapped his back enthusiastically, both at the boys grinning widely at a confused Even.

Even said they could keep them and as soon as the boys went home, both of them sent a photo of them drawings on the closet door in Mahdi’s room and on a pin board over Magnus’ desk.

Which of course let Jonas, who had been on a date with Eva, to reply:

Jonas: ??? Magnus: EVEN DREW US!!! Mahdi: Ja! Even my man, thanks again. Looks so incredible

Jonas: What? Did he have enough of Isak’s face? Isak: -_- Mahdi: that boy is too ugly to draw Isak: 🖕

Even: ooohhh you should see some of those drawings I did of Isak………. Jonas: 😏 😏

Mahdi: 😏 😏

Magnus: 😏 😏 😏 😏 😏 😏

Isak: 🖕 -_- 🖕 Even: bby :((((( Isak: the fingers were for the others Even: <3 Isak: <3 Magnus: WHIPPED Mahdi: aren’t you in the same room? Jonas: dorks but so …. Even you drew Mahdi and Mags, ja? ok thanks for the love

Even: haha I drew you too! [pic of the drawing of Jonas] Jonas: woah Magnus: YESSSSSSSSS Mahdi: right? mad talented Jonas: wooooahhhhhh Even <3 <3 Even: <3 Isak: stop sending Even hearts Jonas: shut up, Issy im his muse I can send him hearts Even: hahaha my dear muse, you can have your drawing too if you want to Jonas: FOR REAL?? Mahdi: I have never seen J use capslock Isak: that’s bc he’s against CAPITALISATION hah Magnus: 🙄 Mahdi: oh boy that was weak Isak: WHAT! That was fucking brilliant Even: hahahaha I get it Mahdi: we all get it it’s just not funny Jonas: Even just thinks its funny bc hes so whipped Magnus: WHIPPED Even: keeping the drawing Jonas: noooooooo

[floweryotter]

ML SPOILERS!

I just cant get rid of all these emotions, these 2 new episodes where so good! And there was so many information in so little time OMG!

Well, so I couldn’t comment anything while I saw the episodes because I didn’t wanted to lose a thing, tho everything happened so fast that my head is still processing so here are some of my reactions (btw the tittle says everything so if you haven’t seen them and don’t want to get spoiled please ignore this):

Also this may not be in order cuz I don’t have the eps fresh in my mind

The Collector:

OMG the new intro!

The perfect combination between the old one and the one that Astruc once showed was gonna be the intro

Yeih! Marinette finally is talking with Master Fu

Well, so I saw the first two minutes so that ain’t new

Fuck, Gabriel’s already scolding Adrien, poor baby...

No! He won’t let him return to school! 

Finally speaking about the book

The kwamis are so adorable flying everywhere

Hhmmm so Master Fu is right thinking that whoever had the book must have the miraculous... first, didn’t you lost them, like, more than a hundred year ago? And second... oh fuck...

Marinette you little liar... won’t admit where you got the book from XD

So there she goes trying to resolve who may be HM

NO! HM CAN’T BE ADRIEN! Omg, Marinette...

Oh look at that, they changed the design of the posters thing... well thinking about it, it’s actually obvious they’ll do that

Run, Marinette, RUN!

So Chloe indeed is crying because she knows Adrien won’t return to school

Hahahaha poor Marinette... social weirdo (i love you)

So the other obvious option is Gabriel... ugh i hate that

Yeih! Got to see her transforming again!

Leaving a shocking message through mail box... that’s not polite LB

Finally I see Adrien playing with his football game thing

Gabriel, omg chill, stp breaking everything... even the photos of your son!

Baby Adrien’s drawing :’(

Oh so Adrien was supposed to be playing piano, hahaha that’s why the music XD

Tranforming into you alter ego for scaping from your daily shit? Well yeah I’ll do the same...

No, Adrien, don’t ignore the message this is important...

OMG HM! Here we go, time of the truth...

GABRIEL YOU SON OF A BITCH!

So in order to akumatize himself he rejected Nooroo and the akuma sensed his rage so he demonized him? You smart little shit...

And ofc you trapped first your employees...

Finally you found LB, you stray cat

LB if you knew who you’re telling about HM’s civil identity...

Poor Adrien... so many feelings...

Well, Gabriel, you really need a psychologist...

So he attracted them to his house so he could have an advantage point? Yeah, also obvious

OMG THE BATTLE SCENE I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

Damn, the animation really looks good...

And now the scene in Adrien’s room, yeih!

Munitions? Check. Lucky charm? Check. Football game? Check. CHAT’S TAIL?! Omg checked...

She removed his tail...

Hell, LB, you really know how to use your Lucky Charm, making The Collector use all his book’s pages so he can’t use it? Smart

Ha! It worked!

And ofc she needs to call Miraculous Ladybug first

Poor Chat, he barely can deal with all his emotions TT________TT

Gabriel you son of a bitch... and you say you still care about Adrien?

Master Fu messing with Marinette bout her crush hahaha

And ofc now Marinette discarded the option “Gabriel is HM”... ugh...

Master Fu can use a smartphone, hell yeah! 

Marinette returning the book, asking for Adrien to go back to school and directly asking where the book comes from... girl you need more subttleness

So Gabriel got the book while traveling with Mama Agreste... Tibet is that you?

Aawww everyone’s happy because of Adrien’s return! My babies  　

Alya supporting Marinette is the best thing you can see

So the smartass of Gabriel already had the book in digital... you bastard...

OMG NATHALIE KNOWS!

So you do have your secret lair in you home?

Well he does changes a lot from Gabriel to Hawky

New learned reaction when seeing HM: “Ugh, Agreste...”

What a roller coaster! I would have added my reactions form Doudou villain but where I live is already 5 AM and I really need to sleep...

Can’t wait to see these eps in the french dub  　

[kaiyeti]

Kali embarrassing Blake by showing Yang her baby pictures

Oh poor Blake.Ghira: It is so nice to have you and girlfriend here to join us for this festival this year, sweetie. *Ghira said happily as he helped his daughter pick out a kimono to wear for the event, picking a very layered pink one out.* How about this one? It would look very nice on you. And keep you warm. Blake: *Blake took one glance at the kimono and laughed while shaking her head.* Hahaha, nice try dad. But not only have I haven’t wore pink since I was three, it going to be 76 tonight. So I think I’ll go with a simple and light. Beside, if it was going to be cold I would just stay close to Yang. *She informed him, giggling when seeing her father roll his eyes and put the pink kimono back in defeat while she pulled out purple kimono with a flower design on the lower half.* Hmm, this one looks nice.Ghira: If it’s going to be so warm tonight I don’t see why the both of you are sharing your room when we have a perfectly good guest room for Yang to stay in. *Ghira mumbled to himself.*Blake: Dad. We have been dating for nearly three years. Ghira: I know. I’m just saying me and your mother spent a lot of time making it all nice for her staying with us. Plus, it’s a bit soon for you two to be sharing a bed. *Ghira shrugged making Blake shake her head.*Blake: Oh dad. Do we need to have the talk?Ghira: What?Blake: You see dad. When a woman and a woman love each other very much-Ghira: Enough! You made your point! I don’t need the image of my bday girl doing…. That! In my head. *Ghira groan, holding up his hands in defeat before muttering.* Now I know how you must have felt when your mother gave you to talk.Blake: Hehe, believe me. I probably had it worse. *Blake laughed as she and her father proceed to cashier when Blake twitch her cat ear with a thought.* Speaking of mom, I’m surprise she wasn’t the one the to come with me. I would have thought she would want me to pick something more…Ghira: Revealing? *Ghira said narrowing his eyes.*Blake: I was going to go with Flashy.Ghira: Oh. Yes well. Kali wanted to spend time with Yang. To get to know her better.Blake: Sigh, I see. I just hope she doesn’t do anything that will embarrass me like show Yang any photo albums. Ghira: …Blake: She’s not doing that right, dad!Ghira: … *Sweating bullets.*Blake: Dad!?Ghira: It’s just one album, sweetie. *Ghira nervously smiled.*Blake: oh god no.~Meanwhile~Yang: Oh. My. God… *Yang whisper with wide eyes as she covered her mouth before squealing with delight.* ~She is SOOOO CUTE!~Kali: I know isn’t she! She would always play and tackle the ball of yawn whenever I was kitting. *Kali smiled with glee as she show Yang a picture of baby Blake playfully bouncing a ball of yarn in the air with her hand and feet as she laid on her back before turning the page.* Oh and here is Blake playing with you favorite stuff doll, Luna Tuna.Yang: Aaaaaaaaw.~Kali: Hehe, yes. There were quite a number of times we had to stitch Luna tuna back together.Yang: Hehe, I bet. *Yang chuckled, remembering every time Blake bit her during sex, deciding her lover’s mother didn’t need to know that detail. The brawler then looked at the picture below that warmed her heart as she awed again, the photo being of Blake falling asleep and napping on a rocking horse.* Aw. Look at her! She looks so cuuuuute in this one. Gasp! She is even in kitty pajamas!~Kali: Oh she would ride that for hours. Me and Ghira actually used it to know when it was nap time for our baby girl. *Kali smiled running her fingers over the photo.* We would just listen to the rocking slow down before speeding up again and slow down again.Yang: Did she ever fall off? Kali: Yes but always on the pillows we had around her and on her feet.Yang: Hehe, nice. Whoa, haha, what’s going on here? *Yang giggled a she pointed to the next page at a photo of a naked baby Blake hissing towards a sink as she clings onto a younger Ghira’s beard who is tiring to pry her off.*Kali: Ah. Hahahaha. *Kali laughed.* That was Blake first bath. Hahahaha. Back then she hated the water. We would chase her naked butt all of the house before getting into the sink or tub. It actually started her little phase of not wanting to wear clothes. See? *Kali smiled as she show Yang photos of Blake giggling as ran from Ghira or Kali trying to put clothes on her, some of which showed them catching a Blake clone.*Yang: Oooooh!Kali: *Kali looked at the photo and immediately covered her mouth while trying hold back her laughter, unfortunately telling miserably at it.* Ooooooooohehehehe. I nearly forget this one was in here. Hehehehe. *Kali said as she pointed to the sheet of the photo behind Blake.* You see this is the first time Blake wet the bed. Hahaha, and, hehe, and she was so scared that she would get in trouble she tried, ahhahahaha, she tried to blame it on our neighbor’s dog! Hahahahaha!Yang: Hahahahahaha! Oh my god that is hilarious! Hahahaha! *Yang and Kali laughed together wiping tears from their eyes.* Oh man. Hahahaha! Oh you have to send me copies of these.Kali: Sure thing Yang. Hahaha. *Kali nodded when suddenly the doors burst open revealing a out of breath Blake quickly scanning the room before spotting her mom an girlfriend.* Hello honey. I was just showing Yang some of your old baby photos. Would you li- *Kali began to greet her daughter before, the younger cat Faunus snatched the photo album from her and throw it to the ground while drawing her sword chopping it to confetti.* … To join us?Blake: *Blake continue to pant, sheathing he sword, before taking a deep breath and turning to Yang and Kali who are staring at her blushing face with raised surprised eyebrows.She then points to Yang and says with a slight threatening tone.* You saw nothing.Yang: Oh-ho.~ But I saw MAAAAAAANY things Blakey-poo. I just wish I had my own copy of how adorable you were as a baby and kid. *Yang could smirked as Kali reaches behind.*Kali: It’s okay, Yang. I had a feel Blake would pull something like this. Sooo, *Kali smiled as she pulled out multiple photo albums, Blake’s jaw dropping while she blushed even more as Yang grinned ear to ear.* I had a few copies made.Blake: MOM!! NO!! *Blake shouted diving towards the albums only for Kali to hold them out of reach as well as holding her daughter at bay.*Kali: But sweetie! You looked to cute when you were a baby!Blake: That’s not the point, Mom!! Now give them here!!Kali: No! Besides, it’s not look Yang hasn’t seen your butt already.Yang: She’s got a point.Blake: NOT HELPING!! * Blake shouted at her girlfriend only for her eyes to widen in horror upon seeing Yang looking through one of the copies of the photo album.* YANG NO!! *Blake screamed as Now Kali held back her daughter.*Kali: Now now. Blake. I’m should Yang’s father will show you embarrassing baby photos of her when you visit her father. *Kali told her daughter.*Yang: Yeah Blakey. You’ll have your chance to embarrass me. Beside, Looking through these I hope when we have our own daughter she is like you in these photo. *Yang smiled as she looked through the album, taking picture of certain photos, mutter.* Aw that is my knew background.Blake: *Meanwhile, after what Yang said, Blake stopped struggling and frozen as she whole face turned pink as Kali smile grow ten times it sized and let out a eep of joy.* … Aw Babe.~meanwhile~Ghira: I deeply apologize again for your window. Please send me the bill for the repairs and I will pay for them. *Ghira bowed to the shop owner in front of the broken window with the perfect outline of Blake’s silhouette.*Fun fact, that rocking horse one was of me when I was like three of four years old. Though it took a few falls before my parents thought of the pillows in case I fell off.

[t--o--f--u-blog]

☼☼☼☼☼ also think tank a white lecturer using the n-word when quoting literature in a lecture? I think she used it once outside of quotation as well certainly not meant in a disrespectful way, just seems unnecessary

☐☐☐☐☐ better have a justification at least but if you just use it out of the blue it always seems like some attempt at provocation 'i can say this because my interests are purely academic'

☼☼☼☼☼ mmmmm we're reading uncle tom's cabin, so it's hard to avoid

☐☐☐☐☐ should only be quoted verbatim if absolutely necessary, if there's no alternative I think

☼☼☼☼☼ yeah seems like she could have avoided it pretty easily

☐☐☐☐☐ if she's making no acknowledgement of the word's relationship to her privilege, that's rly not good

☼☼☼☼☼ yeah she's older so there might just be an outdated perspective there 'I'm just quoting the text, it was anti-slavery so I'm fine' sort of mentality maybe?

☐☐☐☐☐ still she would know about the contemporary attitude to the word and she should at least mention that! ugh like it doesn't sound malicious or super super racist, but eh

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah I feel iffffy about it

☐☐☐☐☐ should mention it!

☼☼☼☼☼ Trying to work out if I should send email and if so how to word it

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ be interesting to actually properly discuss it

☐☐☐☐☐ yep

☍☍☍☍☍ heck I’d be interested to know more of a history of the word basically teach properly why its offensive

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah, I might bring it up in the tutorial different teacher, but maybe good discussion

☐☐☐☐☐ mm that seems appropriate i'd love to hear how that goes

☍☍☍☍☍ uhhh there was someone who used it at Bar Oussou  the host reallllly should’ve said something and I normally would but just too tired for confrontation

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah ☐☐☐☐☐ was telling me Sounded very cringe

☐☐☐☐☐ v unfortunate most disappointed in yhe host tbh

☐☐☐☐☐ he maybe had a old-worldy attitude to it and didn't mind or was too cowardly lol which do u think?

☍☍☍☍☍ I think he thought it was in the context of the poem she didn’t use it to degrade someone directly, but the word itself is degrading

☐☐☐☐☐ ugh but the poem is in the context of fuckin oussou yep ppl need to have a think before using words

☍☍☍☍☍ I just think its great to have a stage to do emotional work, but it can cross a line into normalising shitty white behaviour

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ I went to a coloured school so I can’t b racist wah wah wah

☐☐☐☐☐ and you have to consider your audience if your rant is dehumanising or brushes aside/causes suffering u gotta reconsider felt pretty ashamed on behalf of bartender/various black audience members not saying that dumb white shit would be acceptable with a different audience, but her obliviousness was kinda astounding

☼☼☼☼☼ wow yeah cringefest

☍☍☍☍☍ lol spoken word scene as a whole can b so lame haha rings true to why I/we left

☐☐☐☐☐ mm so macho! that's what I liked about talkbox some sensitivity there, gentleness

☍☍☍☍☍ still, I just wish people read more lok *lol

☐☐☐☐☐ yep I wish I read more

☍☍☍☍☍ like the stylistic range is generally pretty lame

☐☐☐☐☐ I guess that's why anyone reads mmm

☍☍☍☍☍ I wish I read more too

☐☐☐☐☐ hahahaha

☼☼☼☼☼ :')

☍☍☍☍☍ don’t mean to shit on everyon, I just think the scene as a whole and the conception of poetry is lacklustre - it doesn’t seem like the time for poetry, sometimes

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ ppl too distracted by netflix uwu sounds like phones but too much

☐☐☐☐☐ doesn't seem like the time for art, sometimes! hahhh

☍☍☍☍☍ its definitely a time for music

☼☼☼☼☼ I think there's a place for poetry It's just raps and memes

☍☍☍☍☍ yeh but I play dat long game there might not b a place now but I’mma fkn make one whether you like it or not lol

☼☼☼☼☼ Oh yeah fair go 4 it

☐☐☐☐☐ loll

☍☍☍☍☍ I just mean that I think 'poetry' has evolved into other forms, and now the traditional form is struggling to find a place I mean does anyone pay attention to Victorian satirical cartoons? I don’t I think it’s also tho that the low brow is more apparent in the moment, the high brow more apparent from a distance the shit sinks, basically

☼☼☼☼☼ elaborate?

☍☍☍☍☍ time brings forward higher brow material while a lot of lower brow stuff falls back or like there’s an art for getting through your days, and there’s an art for elaborate long form spiritual liberation

☼☼☼☼☼ so u don't mind about a lack of audience now if your work has staying power?

☍☍☍☍☍ different works have different digestion time and yes that is what I’m saying

☼☼☼☼☼ hmmmmmmm

☍☍☍☍☍ hmmmmmmmm?

☐☐☐☐☐ personally I don't know whether I'm prioritising the reception of my work or its value to me right now i feel poetry/art in general are useful tools for thinking about the world useful philosophical tools i guess and idk whether i'm learning for the sake of my own knowledge/making 'better' art or learning so what I put out into the world is better received I suppose the two aren't mutually exclusive but yeah - feeling fairly indifferent to the idea of creating work that will persist right now part of me feels more comfortable with being lost forever lol or at least that I should become comfortable with that, bc that is what will happen inevitably

☍☍☍☍☍ I just think in this atmosphere of complete denial of the arts as an important component of society, as well as the stigmatisation of ritual and other mystical practices that used to house what we now might describe as an artist, its important that we follow our intuition rather than give in to a system that routinely prevents us having access to basic resources like I want to be there for whoever is there when this period comes to end and those peoples are looking for anything to rudder them, whether or not I’m alive

☐☐☐☐☐ you want to add to the cultural record?

☍☍☍☍☍ I want provide a map for future generations is how I would put it

☐☐☐☐☐ mm how do you feel one can ensure the persistence of their own work? or are you just hoping it'll be around for others I suppose whether or not anything lasts is out of ur control past a certain point

☍☍☍☍☍ for one I make an effort to give away a lot of work

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ I also store it all and make sure that that stockpile is kept w care but I also think there’s something to be said that I try and operate within many pre-existing canons I also it’s important to use the more meme-y, short stay work to bring attention to the slower works yeah, re: canons, like tanka and before that wakka as poetic forms stem back as far as a thousand years - perhaps more by putting myself in conversation with the ancients... idk it feels a bit like entering a cultural refrigerator haha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ sometimes I find it better to see my individual works as modules that make up a whole more prescient than its parts (Morton lolz) soo... maybe my work won’t carry the same weight until I finish, so to speak who knowsss but this how I think about it lol

☐☐☐☐☐ best to try and contribute something I spose rather than do nothing w ur resources

☍☍☍☍☍ I’m weird with this shit u don’t have to be

☐☐☐☐☐ mm it seems fairly simple to me and not that weird

☍☍☍☍☍ not everyone should spend their life tending their gravestone it’s a job for a particular type of person, and I am it

☐☐☐☐☐ but in a sense everyone does anyway everyone does things with the future in mind or without it in mind I suppose

☐☐☐☐☐ and i guess that influences what you leave when you die eheh, whether you do it consciously or unconsciously

☍☍☍☍☍ I just am particularly stubborn that I have something to offer - I think its partially a result of being denied that a lot in school, I found other ways to have social bonds that were more... non linear bonds with past peoples, and inadvertently bonds with future people

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ I find it frustrating that its seen as arrogant to suggest your work should be read after you die - if anything its remarkably humble as I'm acknowledging that I will never properly see the fruits of my labour it's a ridiculously isolating position to find oneself in, where your best friends - books, music, content - have no form of human intimacy with you and completely defy all survivalistic, lizard-brain humanity plus you're just on a total different dimension from most people you meet

☐☐☐☐☐ mm you're in a very specific position here

☍☍☍☍☍ lol goodluck catching up ☼☼☼☼☼

☼☼☼☼☼ unrelated btw

(☼☼☼☼☼ posts a meme in chat)

☍☍☍☍☍ see y'all @ da rally (in reference to the meme)

☐☐☐☐☐ where and when is this? oh oops thought you meant a real one

☼☼☼☼☼ hahaha

☍☍☍☍☍ xD

☼☼☼☼☼ structurally is the meme ok ? took the photo the other day, and just added the text.

☍☍☍☍☍ yes are u going to weigh in on the conversation tho lol

☼☼☼☼☼ nah not really

☍☍☍☍☍ meme fine

☼☼☼☼☼ I have so little to add

☍☍☍☍☍ well hm why make memes? why not write novel? do memes have staying power?

☐☐☐☐☐ it's a question of what timescale is important to you at any given time maybe

☍☍☍☍☍ oh absolutely - not trying to infer a hierarchy here, I just think there are different approaches for different problems

☐☐☐☐☐ sometimes I'll say something to someone so they'll remember it for tomorrow, sometimes I'll say something to someone and hope they'll remember forever lol mm I don't think I care about staying power that much

☐☐☐☐☐ memes have such a short lifetime, they're like cultural mayflies haha

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah defs

☍☍☍☍☍ why tho lol

☼☼☼☼☼ Because the art itself can date while still inspiring change

☍☍☍☍☍ yeah so using it pragmatically like a single use tissue

☼☼☼☼☼ If you create something short lived, it (with the help of other artists producing similar work) is able to push art and society in a specific direction The butterfly effect I guess

☍☍☍☍☍ it's true that you have more effect in the current conversation

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ but that conversation draws intensively on a language formed by the ancients so the two are dependent on each other, a back and forth

☐☐☐☐☐ and that's dependent on their work's longevity?

☍☍☍☍☍ not following ur question

☐☐☐☐☐ not following your point haha hmm

☼☼☼☼☼ so you're suggesting a works longevity is crucial in that it helps reinforce and update the ancient language in which short term work of the future will be influenced by?

☐☐☐☐☐ mm also - what if of all the work you make, it's only a meme that survives the passage of time?

☍☍☍☍☍ basically... like you're just reiterating points that have been made more in depth in 'higher' brow culture - that's definitely how I feel when writing raps

☐☐☐☐☐ like Roman graffiti surviving on the walls or whatever

☍☍☍☍☍ did you a hear copy of the I Ching, the Chinese numerology classic more than a thousand years old, was found in the 70s and had a heap more sections and a different order? effectively completely changing the understanding of the I Ching gotta get those nice lead storage chambers ayyyyy ahahaha it was found buried in a coffin, obvs haha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ a lot of Chinese philosophers only exist in so much as someone else described them

☼☼☼☼☼ But what does that changing of contexts of that piece actually mean for us? Is updated Ching from the coffin helping us in any way?

☍☍☍☍☍ I think for me finding the I Ching and looking over it is like a person in a thousand years finding a functional iPhone it gives great insight into human impulses regardless of time and offers a way of writing the past a new, which in turn presents a new future (thinking of the cowboy article you sent me) reconceptualizing the past IS the future look at 'Make America Great Again' or calls to restore the caliphate both are founded on histories that have more to do with our current state than the actual happenings of the past

☼☼☼☼☼ I do see where you're coming from I like the idea that it's important to preserve our work for understand the past better And I hope that someone in the future will have a clearer understanding of our time through your well preserved works But what fucking future is it

☍☍☍☍☍ haha but like looking back we see people been asking that for a veeery long time I get it seems on a new scale but we're on a new scale too

☼☼☼☼☼ It does seem that yes Also if we do survive and keep on teching on

☍☍☍☍☍ I'm for an integration of the human/natural binary where we properly acknowledge our mutual codependency, the earth and humanity that is

☼☼☼☼☼ Are we even going to be translatable? Is the functioning iPhone found by the future person going to even be able to be translated? Or will it be meaningless because everyone is already part of the grid

☍☍☍☍☍ where artificially effecting the climate for the benefit of 'nature' isn't seen as strange but completely akin to Aboriginal burn back practices

☐☐☐☐☐ i guess it's productive to hope that it will be translatable

☍☍☍☍☍ we've always interfered in the running of nature

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ ehhh idk we translated fucking hieroglyphics

☼☼☼☼☼ Or future tech can look into the past and someone is watching our lives as we type this now, constantly being understood through our context in a way we can't comprehend through our recording processes shrugs

☍☍☍☍☍ I mean yeah, imagine if the internet was even vaguely archived

☼☼☼☼☼ You probably have a better understanding of how the future will pan out than I do tho

☍☍☍☍☍ even if 0.1 % was kept, it would be a massive resource

☼☼☼☼☼ No sass intended there, I'm sincere

☍☍☍☍☍ lol idk I just try to see a bigger picture and it keeps me calm remember me old saying? we survived the plague and nukes lol

☼☼☼☼☼ I just don't see the issue with creating short term work, especially if it is preserved

☍☍☍☍☍ oh neither do I

☼☼☼☼☼ Like a meme may have more impact than a novel rn

☐☐☐☐☐ well it could be argued that we're yet to survive nukes but I see your point impact on various timescales

☼☼☼☼☼ I've heard the plague make be thinking of making a comeback too haha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ oh duh peasantry is fully hip rn

☐☐☐☐☐ but like

☍☍☍☍☍ bring back the boils, they look great with my Balenciaga sneakers

☐☐☐☐☐ lol bubonic chic

☼☼☼☼☼ Pretty close to heroin chic tbh haha

☍☍☍☍☍ not jking that was tb

☐☐☐☐☐ but like, I don't find a huge amount of solace in the fact that we survived the plague

☍☍☍☍☍ "The Victorians romanticized the disease and the effects it caused in the gradual build to death. For decades, many beauty standards emulated or highlighted these effects. And as scientists gained greater understanding of the disease and how it was spread, the disease continued to keep its hold on fashion. and the severity of the corsets was known to harm the lungs in such a way that would increase the likelihood of transmission LOOOL

☐☐☐☐☐ mm Balenciaga look out idk it's a question of what capacity we survive in

☼☼☼☼☼ lollllll

☐☐☐☐☐ quite depressing to think about

☍☍☍☍☍ eating disorders have a pretense

☐☐☐☐☐ what if ecocide leaves a few insular eco fascist regimes who gradually diminish over centuries always engaged in pointless wars of attrition with one another lol

☍☍☍☍☍ I mean you could probably say the same thing of colonial regimes now

☐☐☐☐☐ just because we can survive, doesn't mean my outlook should b at all rosy :((

☍☍☍☍☍ point is its a big ol' world that has plenty of room for pain AND love any future pain you think is imminent probably already is happening, and nonetheless breakfast tasted good this morning

☼☼☼☼☼ 'The hipster middle class would dress with raggedy beards and large jackets and refuse to use deodorant, perhaps to reflect the look of people suffering from homelessness at the time. It is suspected that this made them less likely to be hired, and therefore more likely to become homeless themselves.'  ☍☍☍☍☍ ahahaha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm that's true hahhh

☼☼☼☼☼ Planning on making this into a full essay. Might not be popular now, but I think it has staying power? Soz for shitposting haha

☍☍☍☍☍ I was talking with ☲☲☲☲☲ a while back, and something struck me - she said, "I never thought this age would have its own fleet of particular medical conditions." (or something like that lol, translated via my nerd brain)

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah that didn't quite sound like her But that sentiment is great

☍☍☍☍☍ 'fleet'

☼☼☼☼☼ In that ofc there is, but also wow yeah ofc!

☐☐☐☐☐ mmm hahh these conversations should be recorded so we can all think about em without scrolling up endlessly

☼☼☼☼☼ I do like the idea of people reading these works in the future tho

☐☐☐☐☐ and also so that they can be preserved for 10,000+ years of course

☼☼☼☼☼ In the same way we read the letters sent between dead artists now

☐☐☐☐☐ mm very true

☍☍☍☍☍ mmm

☐☐☐☐☐ messenger is not a particularly stable storage medium and also is more vulnerable to third party scrutiny although the fact we're reading artists letters now means that medium is also pretty fucking vulnerable to scrutiny lol

☍☍☍☍☍ I fucking found the word! (sorry was searching for it so hard) Neurasthenia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurasthenia

☼☼☼☼☼ Americanitis lol

☍☍☍☍☍ uhh the page doesn't rly talk about this, but its like a condition of over-working effectively, and people would try and get prescribed the pills to treat it as a way of signalling they were a dedicated worker its total hokey

☐☐☐☐☐ wow yeah you mentioned this a while back

☼☼☼☼☼ oh I've heard a similar thing in Japan were workers will pretend to fall asleep at their desks to show how hard they're working No idea the trust behind it tho

☍☍☍☍☍ to this day, "In Japan, shinkei-suijaku is treated with Morita therapy involving mandatory rest and isolation, followed by progressively more difficult work, and a resumption of a previous social role. The diagnosis is sometimes used as a disguise for serious mental illnesses such as schizophrenia and mood disorders." a dignified mental illness uwu none of that lower class shit I'm a classy fuck with money, I don't get the same mental conditions as the poor lolol reminds me of now: I don't have shitty parents, I just have adhd (not to deligitimise all uses of adhd, just over diagnosed)

☼☼☼☼☼ mmmmm i feel u yes this has been a wild ride

☍☍☍☍☍ yes I’m leaving to get late lunch uwu have a good day in this cosmic spider web lololol

☼☼☼☼☼ :')

☍☍☍☍☍ Like the burning of this charcoal fire, our years too will soon expire Kobayashi Issa listening to Krista Tippet talk with Maria Popova, this particular phrase resonated with our conversation: we live in a world where disruption over-fetishised; we need cultural stewardship to help along new waves of disruption

☼☼☼☼☼ How would u define cultural stewardship in a practical sense?

☍☍☍☍☍ caring for the legacy of those past as a means of refreshing their insight for a new age a very straightforward example would b the importance of new translations, in this regard - as our understanding and depth of connection to Japanese society has deepened, so too have our translations dusting off the books so to speak in some sense I see that in our music too or reappropriating to a new context

☼☼☼☼☼ Well remasters are a time terry literal example Fuck

☍☍☍☍☍ time terry

☼☼☼☼☼ Pretty* not time terry lol

☼☼☼☼☼ lime berry yeah exactly

☼☼☼☼☼ Slime Jerry

☍☍☍☍☍ I mean rereleasing is an obvs example mhm but more abstract examples are how I’ve exported into both your brains Bridle/Steyerl/Haraway via conversation and art lolol I’m helping it move from one place to another same w Zappa lol

☐☐☐☐☐ also - looking after artist friends being generous I feel these are acts of pre-emptive cultural stewardship

☍☍☍☍☍ haha yeah definitely different time scales it could function on

☐☐☐☐☐ looking after and maintain communities

☍☍☍☍☍ hosting open mics lol helping teach ppl poetry lollll

☐☐☐☐☐ not allowing hate speech to creep into open mics lol

☼☼☼☼☼ Truuuuu Or anywhere for that matter

☐☐☐☐☐ not becoming so dusty that you actually have a detrimental impact on cultural progression

☍☍☍☍☍ I think religions only exist in so far as they have active practitioners

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☼☼☼☼☼ Tru

☍☍☍☍☍ I think my sense is, in religion, this same argument plays out with orthodoxy versus mysticism Maintenance of buildings is in there too for religion People being assigned paid positions as the keepers and givers of religious knowledge oh yeah thinking a lot here of Shanzai, ☐☐☐☐☐, and the idea of an object as a lived practice

☐☐☐☐☐ when home I'm gonna do my best to archive this conversation mmm

☍☍☍☍☍ you’re going to steward our conversation bout stewardship ...

☐☐☐☐☐ this is all going in

☍☍☍☍☍ ...the tv where I am says “The comedian getting behind ‘Know Thy Nuts’” and there are big walnuts on the screen

☐☐☐☐☐ ???????

☍☍☍☍☍ “I didn’t realise chemotherapy would be such great comedic material!”

☐☐☐☐☐ ¿¿¿¿¿¿

☼☼☼☼☼ Huhhhh

☍☍☍☍☍ lol highly recommend https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556?mt=2&i=1000429408054https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556?mt=2&i=1000429408054

[kekepuaa]

Ladyblogging, part two

Summary: in which marinette realizes that the internet is a lot smarter than she thought and that the only way to protect her identity is to join the ranks. identity reveal. adrienette.

Notes: High-key bowled over by the positive responses I’ve received :’) Thank you for all the love!

-

part two: soundtrack snobs [Previous][AO3]

-

Ladybug Unknown, Paris, France.

Join date: 2016-04-16

Ladybug’s Official Blog.

--

F.A.Q.

1.) Is this really Ladybug? It says official for a reason.

2.) Does Chat Noir have a blog? Probably. 

3.) Who are you? I am Ladybug.

4.) Can I send you LadyNoir fanart/fics? While I appreciate the support, I’d rather not see it. 

5.) Are you single? Probably. 

6.) Are you ever going to tell us your secret identity? They’re called secret identities for a reason c: 

7.) Do you have a Twitter/IG/FB? Ladybug does not, no. 

--

Marinette DC @littlestutterbug 645 Followers//210 Following 

Marinette DC @littlestutterbug [IMAGE] I haven’t slept in three days but tHIS DESIGN NEEDED TO BE DONE HAHAHAHA #fashiondesign 

Alya C. and 42 others liked your Tweet WALK WALK FASHION BABY and 14 others Retweeted your Tweet

Adrien Agreste in reply to Marinette DC @littlestutterbug wow marinette! that looks fantastic! :-)

Marinette DC in reply to Adrien Agreste @adrienagreste Thanks, Adrien :D

--

It wasn’t the first time Adrien had tweeted to Marinette, but God, every time he did, the girl felt like she was walking on clouds. It was like clockwork: one sleepy Marinette posts a barely-finished design idea, people like it, Adrien tweets her, and Marinette inevitably spends the next twenty minutes waltzing around her room and sending incoherent texts to Alya.

“He said it looks fantastic, Tikki!” Marinette cried, side-stepping a small pile of fabric scraps, “Adrien said my drawing looks fantastic.”

“Yes, Marinette. I was there, remember?”

“But Tikki! This is Adrien!” Tikki could hardly keep her amused snorts down, eyeing her starry-eyed charge as she continued to dance in her room. The last time something like this had happened, Tikki was napping and was rudely awoken by Marinette’s shrieks of unbridled joy.

Sometimes, it was hard for the kwami to make the distinction between her lovable (but still flighty and just a little Adrien-crazed) Marinette and her lovable, brave, and still flighty and just a little Adrien-crazed Ladybug. The girl wasn’t particularly talented at keeping her feelings for the boy at bay when she was on the job, luckily, she hardly ever sees him in the midst of an akuma attack.

And speaking of keeping her feelings for Adrien under wraps while still transformed. 

“Marinette, are you sure this whole blogging business is a good idea?” Tikki hadn’t been able to voice her concerns before, as she was sucked up into the earrings before she could even make sense of what Marinette was doing.

All Tikki knew was that Ladybug had an Official Blog that was run by Ladybug herself.

Tikki wasn’t too sure if this was a good idea.

“It’ll be fine, Tikki!” Marinette reassured, lazily waving her hand at her kwami, “It’s not like I’ll be posting selfies regularly.”

“Last night, you transformed for the sole purpose of taking a selfie,” Tikki deadpanned.

“Details!” Marinette said, “It was for proof that this blog belongs to Ladybug. I won’t make a habit out of it, I promise.” 

Tikki knew Marinette, and while she did trust her to protect Paris on the regular from the one particular jewelry-obsessed villain, she wasn’t sure that Marinette would be able to run and blog and not give out too much information. But if Marinette said that it’d be okay, then she really had no other option but to have faith in her charge.

After all, what’s the worse thing that could possibly happen?

--

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-22

Subject: Blogging for Dummies

Hello, all. Lovely day we’re having, no? Well at least, it’s nice where I live. If you live somewhere where the sun isn’t shining or its gloomy/snowing/raining, then I’m sending some positive vibes your way. 

It’s been a few days since I’ve joined this blogging platform thing and I find myself at a disadvantage: what could a superhero possibly blog about without giving out too much information about herself. I’m sure Chat Noir is dying to fuss at me for creating this blog, but I’ll take care of that when the time comes LOL.

Provided that someone gets akumatized and I am forced to take a break from my totally normal life as a Parisian adolescent (you already knew that) and resume my role as Ladybug. 

I’m just ranting at this point, honestly.

I just wanted to give an update, say hey, and ask what am I supposed to be talking about on a blog that isn’t too revealing :’)

-LB

Comments:

Response to Blogging for Dummies Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME

bugab00: HI LADYBUG! I LOVE YOU! Maybe you should blog about things you like? I’m sure there are plenty of people who have the same hobbies as you.

--

Response to Blogging for Dummies Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: SCHEMING.

yoyomaster12: Did the Ladyblog put you up to this???? Or IS this the Ladyblog??

Response to SCHEMING. Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: Ain’t nobody got time for that

The Ladyblog: LMAO. Yeah, no. Also, LB: blog about whatever you want. That’s the beauty of it. People talk about their interests; topics that they could talk about for days. 

--

Response to Blogging for Dummies Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: (no subject)

chatblanc: You could talk about what you and Chat do while you’re doing your patrols or your akuma battles...that way, you won’t put yourself in any compromising position...or you could give little snippets about your day to day life?

Response to (no subject) Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: POR QUE NO LOS DOS?

The Ladyblog: I second what chatblanc is saying here!

--

Response to (no subject) Posted: 2016-04-22 Subject: If I had a hat, I’d tip it to that. Stay tuned! Ladybug: :-)

--

Alya C. @theladyblogger #LADYBUG HAS A BLOG!!! AND I ACTUALLY TALKED TO HER ON IT!!!! [LINK]

LADYBUGGING TF OUT and 32 others liked your Tweet ChatNoirLuver12 and 4 others Retweeted your Tweet

Adrien Agreste in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger Do you really think it’s her?

Alya C. in reply to Adrien Agreste @adrienagreste I’m p sure its her. Though, we can never be 100% positive. Maybe she’ll blog about patrolling.

Chloe Bourgeois in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger @adrienagreste LOL she’s probably a fake trying to get everyone’s attention (1/2)

Chloe Bourgeois in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger @adrienagreste in that way, her blog kinda reminds me of yours, alya (2/2)

Alya C. in reply to Chloe Bourgeois @queenbee @adrienagreste LMAO DID WE ASK U?

--

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-23

Subject: Quasimodo deserved better

[Photo] 

Isn’t the Seine gorgeous at this time of the day? I don’t get to come here often with my schedule, but when I do...it’s probably my favorite place to think by myself.

Oh! Greetings from Notre-Dame! 

Fun fact: The Hunchback of Notre Dame is one of my favorite Disney movies (though if we’re being real here, the actual book is downright depressing.) Anyway, I spent the afternoon binging Disney movies and took a break after the Hunchback of Notre Dame to get some air.

It got me thinking: Do you ever think about the semi-adult themes that older Disney films used to have?

You’re not going to see some creepy old man exploiting his power to force himself on a woman in a Disney movie these days. Not that I’m asking for it, I’m just saying that it’s crazy how much Disney films have changed. Ahh, I wish I could listen to the Hunchback of Notre Dame soundtrack right now, but y’know...

...it’s probably not safe to swing around Paris on a yoyo, especially from this height. 

I should probably go back to do some homework (the perks of still being in school...I’m being sarcastic), but this spectacular view beckons me :’) 

As a side note/closing: What’s your favorite Disney movie? Because I’m genuinely curious and I feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame is slept on and it’s an injustice.

-LB

--

Comments: 

Response to Quasimodo deserved better Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: Have you watched the sequel? Ugh. Garbage.

ladynoirTRASH: Would I be a biased Parisian if I said that I loved Beauty and the Beast?

Response to Have you watched the sequel? Ugh. Garbage. Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: YEAH THE SEQUEL DOESN’T EXIST

Ladyboogieoogieoogie: Gaston is literally the only reason why I love that movie. He’s so ridiculous lol. Are you gonna watch the live action?

--

Response to YEAH THE SEQUEL DOESN’T EXIST Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: why are sequels even a thing lmfao

ladynoirTRASH: SKLDFAJASLKDFJJSA DUUUDEEEE.  so hypeeeeddddd for the liveaction!!!!!!

--

Response to Quasimodo deserved better Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: ANYONE CAN COOK

rainbowquartz: ......i’m a parisian...whose favorite disney movie.....is...ratatouille....ehehehe.........

--

Response to Quasimodo deserved better Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: TOPSY TURVY IS THE BEST SONG ON THE SOUNDTRACK

chatblanc: The Aristocats is hands down the best Disney movie ever. I’ll fight you on this, Ladybug.

Response to TOPSY TURVY IS THE BEST SONG ON THE SOUNDTRACK Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: are we not gonna talk about god help the outcasts? because...

Ladybug: Judging by your username, I’m not surprised. 

--

Response to are we not gonna talk about god help the outcasts? because... Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: Nah. Topsy Turvy tops. chatblanc: everybody wants to be a cat~~~

--

Response to Nah. Topsy Turvy tops. Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: BLOCKT Ladybug: Ugh have you been talking to Chat Noir?

--

Response to BLOCKT Posted: 2016-04-23 Subject: The truth will set you free chatblanc: Wouldn’t you like to know, LB? ;)

--

“Marinette, apparently Ladybug has the same favorite Disney movie as you!” Alya said the next afternoon. The best friends had taken their usual seats in their classroom, waiting for the teacher to arrive. 

“O-Oh?” Marinette said, mentally slapping herself for stuttering. She made an attempt at appearing indifferent, taking her time to big through her bag for her books, “She likes Mulan?”

(To be fair, Mulan was tied for first place with the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but Marinette didn’t need to elaborate on that.)

Alya cast her best friend a strange glance, “No, she likes the Hunchback of Notre Dame! That’s your favorite Disney movie...”

Ever the bad improviser, Marinette unconvincingly shrugged and dropped her things on her desk, “That’s cool, I guess.”

So convincing, Marinette she scolded herself. Marinette felt that should have seen this coming. Every little detail she’d release on her blog, she’d be forced to listen to everyone gush about it until the end of eternity. And, worst of all, if she wasn’t careful, people would start tallying up the similarities between her and Ladybug.

Movies were one thing--what if she let it slip that she was really a student whose name totally wasn’t Marinette Dupain-Cheng? The logical part of her brain that had yet to short circuit denied the possibilities of this happening, but that still didn’t stop Marinette from scolding herself.

She let out a frustrated huff and dropped her elbows on her desk, rattling the surface and sending one of her pencils over the edge, hitting the floor with a loud clatter.

The noise seemed to attract the attention of Adrien, who at this point, she hadn’t noticed was in the classroom since she was preoccupied with her own internal monologue. She flushed bright pink as Adrien bent down, collected her pencil, and returned it to her desk with a bright smile.

“Ah, thank you very much!” she squeaked.

“It’s no problem, Marinette,” Adrien replied. Instead of turning back to the front, Adrien alarmed her by leaning forward, momentarily catching her off guard with the green of his eyes. He tilted his head and continued to beam at her, “So, did I hear that right? Your favorite movie’s the Hunchback of Notre Dame?” 

“Yeah, mmhmm, I sure do love the Hunchback of Notre Dame! It’s great, like you!” she shook her head, “I-I mean, it’s great! It’s a good movie. Yeah!”

“I agree!” Adrien said, “What’s your favorite song from the soundtrack? I’m quite partial to Topsy Turvy.”

Alya scoffed, “Oh, do not get Marinette started on that. She’ll literally fight anyone who says anything other than God Help the Outcasts.”

“Is that true, Marinette?” Adrien asked, suddenly amused.

Marinette’s throat felt dry. She didn’t trust herself to speak, as the last part of her brain had just about short circuited from receiving so much attention from Adrien. She quietly nodded.

Chuckling, Adrien turned back around towards the front, just as the teacher walked in, leaving Marinette to her own thoughts. Ignoring Alya’s smug look, Marinette cracked open a textbook and buried her face in it, where she remained the entire lesson.

--

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-25

Subject: First of all, how dare you?

You know those people who can probably make whole civilizations crumble under the weight of their stare while remaining completely oblivious to their True Power?

Yeah. The absolute W O R S T. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m just gonna go crawl under a rock and die. 

-Resident Human Disaster LB

--

Comments:

Response to First of all, how dare you? Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: Y’KNOW IF I DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER, I’D SAY YOU WERE IN LOVE

chatblanc: I’m 99.9% sure you have the same effect on people.

Response to Y’KNOW IF I DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER, I’D SAY YOU WERE IN LOVE Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: Bite your tongue, stranger internet cat

Ladybug: I’m 99.9% sure that YOU’RE A LIAR

--

Response to Bite your tongue, stranger internet cat Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: Denial isn’t cute, LB

chatblanc: you really think someone would do that, just go on the internet and tell lies?

--

Response to Denial isn’t cute, LB Posted: 2016-04-25 Subject: YEAH, WELL NEITHER ARE LIARS

Ladybug: GET YOUR GARBAGE MEMES OFF MY BLOG OMG

[chimpanzeemusic]

I’ve been picking up some financial slack between jobs and travels by working as a substitute teacher. The pay is bad, The flexibility is nice, the absurd conversations are worth remembering.

2nd Grade 7 year-old: So, how old are you? Me: Eighty two. 7 year-old: Oh. An hour later, another teacher enters the room to get something and I recognize her from when I used to swim at a neighborhood pool, and we chat Me to teacher: Yeah, I think I was a teenager when your kids began swimming there. 7 year-old is watching nearby, eyes narrowed. After the other teacher leaves, he moves to confront me. 7 year-old: You were talking to the teacher, and she’s, like, thirty-nine. If you’re just a little older than her kids… then you’re not eighty-two! Me: My disguise has been discovered! **runs from the room**

Katrina, 2 min sketch

High School Typically the easiest job. The benefit is  people don’t really care about your existence, so they mostly do their own thing. The drawback is people don’t really care about your existence, and mostly do their own thing, regardless of what you do.

The high school medical anatomy class finishes a quiz. Student: Can you put on some surgeries for us to watch while we’re working? Me: Your teacher shows you these in class. Student: Yeah, totally. Me: I have no way of verifying the truthfulness of this claim. Imma go with no. Student, sighing with disappointment: Ohhhkay. It’s probably for the best, though. People sometimes pass out when they watch nose surgeries, they put a chisel up the nose and pound with a hammer… that tends to get ’em. The next class comes in. Me: Does Mr. C show y’all surgeries? Class: Yes. Me: Oohkay then.

I asked another class about Mr C, who apparently shows all kinds of amputations, ACL surgeries, removal of a hairball from the stomach of a woman addicting to eating her own Herbal Essence-infused follicles, the extrication of a fist-sized kidney stone from a bladder…

Student 1: Sometimes I can’t watch. Student 2: We’ll be dissecting something in class and he’ll cut off a piece, like he did with this cow lung one time, and He flung it at the whiteboard and yelled “Look, it sticks!” and then just left the slice there all class period. We get blood on the whiteboard a lot.

“He flung it at the whiteboard and yelled ‘Look, it sticks!’ and then just left the slice of cow lung there all class period. We get blood on the whiteboard a lot.’

#justsurgerythings

That part about sticking a chisel up someone’s nose and whacking it with a hammer? Apparently it’s accepted rhinoplasty technique. Which, disappointingly, does not involve a live rhinoceros.

  Middle School A middle school dance class is practicing for a multicultural dance assembly when someone nabs the audio jack and blasts Justin Bieber’s “Baby.” Me: There is no way this song is still relevant. Middle schoolers sing word-for-word to the song. Me: It cannot be. The Ludacris rap section begins, even bystanders get down. Ludacris and Tweens: “When I was thirteeeen, I had my first luuuv!” There was nobody that compared to my baaaaby— And nobody came between us, no one could ever come aboooove…!” Me: noooo

Elementary If you’ve slept sufficiently, elementary and especially kindergarten are enjoyable: busy,  hilarious. Also, cruel.

Me: Hello class! My name is Mr… I lose my train of thought and hesitate a split-minute too long. Kindergartner: Potato! Kindergartners, losing it completely: Hahahaha! Mr. Potato! Me: What? No, it’s— Kindergartners: Potato! Potato! Mr. Potato! After weakly struggling to restore order, I retreat to the teacher’s desk and sulk quietly. Me: My name is not Mr. Potato.

#organic

Kindergartner: Your shirt has lots of birds on it. Me: That is because I am secretly lots of birds taped together. Kindergartner: …

A student teacher is leading the kindergartners in reading three-letter words aloud. I am reading with them, but have not yet been introduced. I am sitting next to Señorita Sassypants, a bright, outspoken and conniving child. Class: B-at. J-am. C-at. H-am. Me: Bat. Jam. Cat. Ham. Señorita Sassypants: Wait, how do you already know all this stuff? You don’t go here. You’re not a student!” Inclusive Child, (same height as my waist):  Wait, wait, you go here! You can be a student, too!

Kinder 1: Why you wearing fancy shoes? Me: These here are my dancing shoes. Kinder 1: Why you wearing dancing shoes? Me: So I can dance away the blues. Kinder 1: …Huh? Kinder 2: You’re Team Rocket!?

Hairy Otter and the Rage of Elsa, Conte on Paper

Six-year old: When you learned to walk, you were one year old. Five-year old: Actually, I was five!

Who gets to draw the Purple Froople?

Visiting Music Teacher to kids: Who gets to draw the Purple Froople?

Fergalicious, an ideal name for your weasel

Child: I want to draw the Chocolate Womple! Visiting Music Teacher: Nina, your Stroiper looks amazing. Me to me: The heck is going on in hereMy brother also subbed kindergarten for a bit. Here’s two experiences of his: Brother: Okay guys, I am going to tell you about a scary story about a time I had a run-in from a bear. Before he even begins the story, several students crawl beneath their seats. Brother: Where–what are you are you doing? Students: We’re scared, teacher! Brother: Look, you can’t be under there. Everyone get back up. They do. He tells a story where various noises and surprises happen and the students think it is a bear, but it ends up being a stick, or a squirrel, until… …Well, the next thing that happened was as I laid in my hammock was the bear came up and pushed my hammock a little. And then I screamed, and looked out of my hammock, and it ran away into the woods! I had to change my pants after that. Student 1: Wait, why did you have to— Student 2: IT’S ‘CAUSE HE PEED HIMSELF! Students, shrieking with laughter at the implied urination, fall on the floor and roll around, at last fulfilling the ancient AOL messenger prophecy, “ROFLOL.”

Students shriek with laughter at the implied urination.

Brother is passing the school snack to students. It is pineapple, which many have not tried before. Brother: It’s pretty good, right? Students nod and continue eating the unfamiliar fruit. Brother:There’s lots, if anyone wants to eat more. Students return for seconds, then many for thirds. As the children eat, the pineapple begins to tenderize their mouths. One girl sticks out her tongue and begins to touch it, wincing. Frightened child: My—my tongue hurts! A number of things happen simultaneously. Several other students also conclude they are hurt, dying, even. Yet another student screams out as two students run for the door. Take Action Children: Hold on! We’ll go get the principal! Sprinting for help, they almost escape before Brother is able to catch up, contain the breach, and calm the frightened students by persuading them to drink water. The Great Pineapple Crisis has been averted.

Let us now return to dumb and mean things kids say.

Child playing doctor during playtime: **approaches fellow child on tiny couch, places stethoscope on Patient Child, listens, and begins to panic as a diagnosis is made** Doctor Child: She has the contagious!

Big Treble in Little City, Conte pencil on paper. Artist: Señorita Sass

I am demonstrating an intentionally bad magic trick for Señorita Sassypants. I put my face in profile and pretend to pull a pencil out of my nose. Señorita Sassypants: You didn’t pull that out of your nose. There’s no boogers on it.

“You didn’t pull that out of your nose. There’s no boogers on it.”

Me: Rats! You got me. But check this out. I select a white crayon and twiddle it in my hands and slip it into my lap when SS’s concentration wavers. I drop it to the floor and it rolls under the table, where I put my foot over it. Me: It’s gone. Bam. Magic crayon. SS searches my hands and sleeves, finding nothing. She begins to search the floor, frustration building. She peers beneath the edge of my shoe and spots the crayon, which she seizes triumphantly and holds aloft, sneering. Me: Uh, it must have teleported! SS, drawing close to my face: No, you hid it there. This crayon isn’t magic. You’re not magic. **snaps crayon in half, tossing the fragments of wax and vaudeville showbiz dreams to the floor**

JajsKe, Ballpoint on Paper

Time for dinner: Platinum Edition

Inclusive Child: Do you know Cat? Me: The despicable animal? IC: No, my friend from church. Me, rolling with it: Oh, right. Our mutual friend, Cat. IC: You know Cat? Me: Yaaah. About yea tall **gestures about three feet in the air** likes running… and… pizza.” IC: Wow! You know Cat!

Inclusive Child, giving me the sideye: Are you a kid, or a dad? Me: I’m not a dad. IC: So… you’re a kid? ‘Cause you look like a dad. Me: …Yes? No! I’m not a dad, but I am an uncle. In fact, I have four– IC: An uncle? I—I thought you were a kid!

Señorita Sassypants peers in my ear while I sit criss-cross applesauce on the floor. Señorita Sassypants: The inside of your ears are disgusting. Me to me: I have just had my personal hygiene questioned by a child. I have never before felt so insecure.

elixir of life

2nd Grade Me, joking: Hey, look, it’s those purple glue sticks! Makes you kinda hungry, yeah? Child 1: Yeah. I haven’t had one in a while, though.  They’re not bad. A little minty.

“Hey, look, it’s those purple glue sticks! Makes you kinda hungry, yeah?” “Yeah. I haven’t had one in a while, though. They’re not bad. A little minty.”

Me: Wait—I was just joking— Child 2: Yeah, minty is a good way to put it. But they sort of give you a headache. Child 1:�� Just a little one. Me: A headache. Do you… eat these often? Child 2: Not that much. Child 1: Like, not that much, I mean, I’ve only eaten them twice this school year. Child 2: Twice for me, too. Me: It’s barely October.  Child 3, wandering over: Are we talking about eating glue? Me: You—you’ve also— Child 3: It’s pretty good. Kinda minty, but there might be little bit of a headache after. Me: …ohhkay then. Hours pass. All the students have left for the day. A purple glue stick sits temptingly on a semicircle table.The pursuit of knowledge and flavor beckons. It’s labeled nontoxic, after all… “Hey, that is minty!”

Then… the headache.

For more ridiculous school conversations, do check out the original Tales from the Trenches: Conversations of a Substitute Teacher.  Then, go hug a teacher. And put money and chocolate syrup into their bag so they can have a good Monday.

Mercenary of Knowledge: More Conversations of a Substitute Teacher I've been picking up some financial slack between jobs and travels by working as a substitute teacher.

[apsbicepstraining]

47 Funny Memes That Will Speak To Your Inner Basic Bitch

1.

You’re working at a hedge fund? bro that’s awesome. you were always pretty unoriginal and I had a seeming you would do coin for a living. Can you maybe keep your accomplishments to yourself before it daunts everybody else at this party? Some of us are on a lot of drugs right now and frankly it’s rude to talk about you convene developmental milestones and having “love” in your life. Thanks. (@ cabbagecatmemes )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 3, 2015 at 9:51 pm PDT

2.

hey … “xavier” … Have I told you that you are.. Hands down … my brand-new favorite person? oh, YOU say I exactly told you that thirty seconds ago but I recollect( belch) I will be, government officials magistrate of time in this gondola, Chavier. Because … I examined time in, college .. Chaviery ,,, whats the craziest act you’ve seen as a sled driver in this city. hahahaha oh shit I just said “sled driver ??! ” ahahaha Javier that’s INSANE … It’s, primarily, the reason for that, is earlier the other day there was a movie about sled wolfs and I guess it’s down there .. In, my subconscious. Melvin? I don’t kno- sorry, Xaviery? I don’t know if I have my keys to my, neighbourhood. So this will be, preferably entertaining your best friend, when I have to kick the door down to get In. But in the big picture I’m just so happy that .. Chavier saved me from that party tonight. Chavier, you are coming to my family’s thanksgiving. Yeah you are. You wait and look, Carlos when That request comes to Your Lincoln navigator, which I would like to tell your boss that you also Impede very clean and searching( belching) majestic. You’re gonna be there at thanksgiving with me as, my parents- behavior of thanking you for saving Me . . It’s how science toils. What’re you gonna wear? (@ cabbagecatmemes )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 3, 2015 at 7:29 am PDT

3.

Really, bro? You got a picture of yourself sitting next to a minor luminary who seems uncomfortable and under duress? Got bottle service at the association and felt like sharing the receipt with the world? New sneakers? Congratulations. You precisely applied the most horrible, obnoxious humblebrag and now I’m legally allowed to drown you .

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 3, 2015 at 5:09 pm PDT

4.

damn, babe. we was texting backward and forward all day. then my epoch then was real brightened when that pic of u came through. there u were. my girlfriend. skimpy organization. iPhone pointed at that mirror in yo bedroom. u lookin mad cute. mad good. i ain’t consider no teeth but that’s cool cus ur lips was pursed in a seductive lil knowing smile. it was like yo look was saying “Yeah we did all kinds of sinful-ass things together last weekend but I ain’t relenting and merely my husband kno jus how freaky I am& far as the rest the world referred, I’m a actual angel. a angel that wear lingerie, for the purposes of our painting .’ I be smilin so hArd. then I check the instagram … YO! how person got into my phone and threw my phone on the Instagram ?? and who this nigga’ giantspro1 38′ script that my daughter “gorgeous.” hold up … Oh fuck no. you done uploaded my draw to the Instagram? why, daughter? I don’t adoration u enough? who u tryna share that smile with? damn … guess everyone gonna ascertain I went good taste that’s cool. and I ain’t callin I a chisel or a thirsty, but embankment. predict the freaky happens that we do, r exclusively between me and u& thousands of strange people that look our social medias .. not mad … precisely feelin like, 20% less special rite now

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 15, 2015 at 5:05 pm PDT

5.

learning by star-wipes

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 13, 2015 at 3:29 pm PDT

6.

the hills come alive, husband. fuck’s sake .

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 13, 2015 at 10:03 am PDT

7.

blessed to announce that I am anointed to announce these realistic seems .

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 2, 2015 at 10:10 pm PDT

8.

oh hey girl. or we could talk about potassium, k. Cherish some chemistry talk if u just knowing that amine

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 2, 2015 at 6:37 pm PDT

9.

the fuckboy shirt, by @dizzle_saint_james

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 2, 2015 at 7:58 am PDT

10.

hobbies include doing coin for a living. awaiting till I’m blackout wino to express any seems. and shorts with little swine on them to showcase my wild slope. do u even asset bank bro?( tweet by @stuartvcraig )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 15, 2015 at 11:59 am PDT

11.

first baristas gotta find me … what’s 50 kors pouch to a motherfucka like me can you delight prompt me ?

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 1, 2015 at 8: 08 pm PDT

12.

Yes, I’ll have a Venti mete child abuse with two kills of Okay This is Kind of Adorbs but Definitely Mentioning This in Therapy. Why white people need closer monitoring, Exhibit# 82,868 B “Train up a basic in the way she should go, and when she is old she shall not deviating from it.” -Kors 4:13 (@ periodictabledancer )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 1, 2015 at 4:12 pm PDT

13.

I would give this target zero starrings if I could, but I’m legally required to give them one idol. I don’t commonly use the computer. But after “dining” at this hellish Turkish prison disguised as an alleged “restaurant, ” I enrolled in a continuing training direction at my town’s library to learn about the Internet so I could alarm others to prevent this situate that destroyed their own families. We made a reservation for two. When we arrived, there was a junk on the storey. When I objected this out to the “manager, ” he told me that there are tens of billions of junk corpuscles in the air at any right moment and that they may actually be composed of the representatives of my own scalp and rudely suggested that I would enjoy my dining experience more if I didn’t drawing my electron microscope to the counter. Nice try! When the liquid arrived, my teeth were rudely awakened by the most obnoxiously cold ice cubes I have ever been assaulted with. I now take medication to deal with the stress of ingesting here once. If I save simply one life by writing this, my sacrifice may precisely be worth it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to read Fifty Shades of Grey to my felines.( via @robfee11 )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 1, 2015 at 3:19 pm PDT

14.

Did He like, come down from a mountain? Was there a burning bush that spoke to you? Did He give you permission to talk about it on Instagram? Did he send you the Kors pocketed or just give you the strength to evident one? (@ trevso_personal )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 1, 2015 at 6:51 am PDT

15.

be safe. make sure Netflix& shivering doesn’t become Netflix& children( via @carolynduchene )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 14, 2015 at 8: 23 am PDT

16.

hope this obligates your day astounding

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Oct 1, 2015 at 6:25 am PDT

17.

you know how that shit get .. missin’ that ex that was shit for you WOAH! yeah they are able to verse em and perhaps sexuality em but 3 hours later it’s like NO! I need a shower a Xanax and a brand-new country to GO

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 30, 2015 at 3:57 pm PDT

18.

shoutout to all my sleepless friends in various regions of the world who are capable of play this tonight. first to pick up the phone and text a shitty ex loses. hang in there. trev loves you

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 28, 2015 at 8: 11 pm PDT

19.

AND THIS WHY I TELL THESE FEMALES JUS CAUSE A MAN SPIT GAME N GOT HISSELF A POET’S TYPIN SKILLS ON A ACTUAL INSTAGRAM CAPTION DOES NOT, I REPEAT DOES NOT MEAN HE NECESSARILY WORTH SHIT. HOW MANY TIMES U GO TO BRAZIL CUZ OF A SMOOTH ASS COMMENT N HE NOWHERE 2 BE Known? THATS NOT A VIABLE WAY TO PLAN A ACTUAL FUTURE. PEOPLE USE THE WORD “THIRSTY” TOO MUCH THESE DAYS BUT ANY REAL FEMALE WILL TELL U THAT EFFORT IS ATTRACTIVE- THE SIMPLE THINGS; PULL OUT CHAIRS, TEXT HER FAMILY, DONT MAKE HER PAY AT THE OLIVE GARDEN, DONT BE A ACTUAL GRIZZLY BEAR WHO USES PEOPLE 4 SALMON AND HUCKLEBERRIES. MAKE YO ALLEGED MAN PROVE HIS SELF BEFORE U Yield IT ALL AWAY N FIND YOSELF LONELY LIKE A WHITE GIRL TRYNA FIND THE WINE DEPARTMENT (@ carolynduchene )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 21, 2015 at 10:35 pm PDT

20.

“Evolution of a Friday Night.” -by @ katethewasp Tag some1 u enjoy but u r too tired 2 realistically hang w/ 2nite !

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 18, 2015 at 7:41 am PDT

21.

realistic friend points

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 13, 2015 at 7:11 am PDT

22.

shoutout to those girls you’ve been following on Instagram for 3 years. U construed slew of thirst-trap mirror selfies with lots of creepy remarks under them from busters hopin’ they had a chance. Every now and then- something slightly unexplained like maybe a picture of a gift like a glistening duo of Loubs with no caption or explanation of where them shoes received from. Or maybe once every the three months you received her standing on a balcony of a neat Caribbean hotel and she smiling and it’s like’ who took this painting ?’ but you shrug it off and say it was probly her mamas. she close with her mommas and they are likely travel together. most of her feed be typical daughter substance. out boozing w/ pals. out at EDM celebrations with the flower headdress and the tit out and she lookin like a free spirit and prob on molly and u lurkin her sheet for years and the the working day BAM! “so this just happened can’t just waiting invest the rest of my life undertaking my perfect man.” Hold up hold out hold out run the goddamn infringes. You went 3,800 photos and not a single one of them boast a actual gentleman. not formerly. not one actual being. now you just discontinue this wedding missile on the world? girlfriend, what in the fuck else is you capable of obscure? u straight up attracted some talented mr ripley shit on the whole world. experience your wedding, assassin .

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 10, 2015 at 11:05 am PDT

23.

honestly whatever rn

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 7, 2015 at 8: 02 pm PDT

24.

On the Internet, all the refrigerate children are like “sorry I missed your bellow, I don’t use my phone for that ” or “calling someone is the rudest concept you can do.” Nah son. Nah. You know what’s rude? Roping me in to a half-day long’ exchange’ where I have to stare at my radioactive telephone and sort shit while I dismiss the people I’m next to and read your abbreviations and emojis to are going to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: that it would be better to meet up next week for dinner instead of tonight. Most of you are safe, but if you’re my lover or one of the 3 parties I care about- I might actually call your ass. Wrap yo mind around that. You and me. Voice to singer , motherfucker. Just like they did in caveman daylights. Paleo communication. Namaste .

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Sep 6, 2015 at 9:56 am PDT

25.

literally done with negativity. getting all the negativity out of my life. going on a killing rampage to get rid of the negative beings. kors .

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 16, 2015 at 10:27 pm PDT

26.

don’t let fitness points prevent you from living the life you were meant to enjoy .

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 16, 2015 at 11:49 am PDT

27.

for anyone who saw you last night

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 16, 2015 at 7:25 am PDT

28.

truly transportive know (@ dizzle_saint_james )

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 12, 2015 at 6:50 pm PDT

29.

priorities, bro. I’ve been steady laughing at this image all morning like an imbecile

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 12, 2015 at 10:30 am PDT

30.

greet the sunup get back in touch with a whole cluster of random parties. Nervously alphabetize everything in your kitchen. Scavenge the flooring like it’s never been scavenged before. Forget what nutrient is for 10 hours. Appear a strange gumption of attainment although you invested the day focusing even harder on your distractions

A photo posted by trevso_electric (@ trevso_electric) on Aug 12, 2015 at 8: 01 am PDT

31.

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