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sgtrolandhills · 5 years ago

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When I Look Into Your Candy Corn Eyes || Erin & Roland

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @corpse--diem & @sgtrolandhills SUMMARY: Erin brings lunch by the station for Sarge after learning he eats mostly Lean Cuisines.

“Hi!” Erin chirped, greeting the young police officer at reception with the biggest smile she had to offer. Tried not to think about how it had taken a full ten minutes to muster the nerves to step foot into the station. Tried not to picture the very dead Dale she slid into the incinerator just last week. Would he be considered missing? No, no. Marley had taken care of that. Still, her eyes flashed to the bulletin board when she walked in. No familiar bald-headed fucks to be found. This was okay. Probably. She toned down the smile when the officer merely glanced up at her from their paperwork. “My name’s Erin Nichols—I’m just popping by to see Roland—Sergeant Roland. Sarge.” She swallowed. Smiled brightly once more, lifting the Tupperware container in her hands. “I brought him lunch. He’s not expecting me or anything but I thought it’d be nice to surprise him. He’s been eating a ton of Lean Cuisines lately, which are so bad for you, and—“ And this rookie stuck greeting the general public couldn’t have cared less. Erin stopped, nodded. Understandable. “Right. Is… uh, is he in?”

Lately, work had seemed to make Roland’s head spin more than it calmed him. This wasn’t a feeling he knew how to navigate. Burying himself in his work had always been his coping mechanism and something he’d genuinely enjoyed, but now, it just seemed to bring him more anguish than anything else. He’d always been so good at this and now here he was scrambling, letting another lead go cold. The mimes had come and gone with no real indication of why or who brought them here. The eyes seemed to be doing the same and it left him even more obsessed with the data in front of him. There had to be something he was missing. Another connection that he wasn’t quite making that would tie this all together and point him in the right direction. As he looked over all the different missing persons cases related to the eyes that had turned up in town, he let out a frustrated groan that was interrupted by his phone. “Sarge, you got a visitor at the front desk-- Erin Nichols?” His head tilted, a bit surprised. He remembered she offered to bring him lunch one of these days though he hadn’t actually expected her to follow through on that. He couldn’t fathom why she’d want to anyhow-- She couldn’t possibly be interested in him. She was leagues out of his league, but he could hardly turn her away. “Yeah, send her back.” He cleared his desk, to make the office a bit more tidy and stood to wait by the door. He waved as he saw her approaching. “Hey, Erin,” he extended his hand to shake hers, “It’s good to meet you in person. You really didn’t have to bring lunch. Does smell better than the Lean Cuisines though.”

Those initial nerves when Erin stepped into the building trickled back up her spine as she followed the officer past the cluster of desks, where more police officers were busy working. White Crest was a small town but there were more than she expected, though that made sense the more she thought about it. They were famous for few things, and one of those was their alarmingly high death rate. There was a reason the funeral home had one of the biggest fridges in all of Maine. When she finally saw Roland though, it was easy to brush those nerves off and return a warm smile. “Nice to meet you too, Roland,” she answered sincerely, shaking his hand with the one not holding the tupperware and utensils. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, waving him off. “Are you kidding? There’s literally no way I could sit around and let you keep putting that stuff into your body. And now you’ll have no excuse to ever touch that filth again.” She smiled wider at him, glancing past him and into his office, then back again. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

Roland reasoned with himself that perhaps taking an honest to god lunch break would do him some good. The more he stared over all the details of each seemingly insane case in front of him, the more it all bled together until he simply couldn’t make sense of it. Maybe a true rest from it would allow him to return to work with some clarity. At least he could hope for as much. Plus, Erin had come out of her way to bring him a nice meal which admittedly sounded much better than a Lean Cuisine Macaroni and Cheese. He realized that sounded sad and probably because it was. Everything had him feeling a bit down lately. He spent so much of his time dedicated to the job and he still couldn’t quite seem to get a grip on all his cases. “You know, I’d normally object to being someone’s charity case, but that smells way better than a Lean Cuisine. I might have to give that Hello Fresh thing a try,” he said jokingly as he reached out to take the tupperware container from her. At the mention of a bad time, he shook his head and responded, “Not at all. I think a break would do me well if you’d like to join. We’ve got a break room up the hall recently equipped with a new Keurig if you’d like a coffee after lunch.”

“Roland you are not a charity case,” Erin said with a roll of her eyes. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.” She raised her brow, staring pointedly, but was relieved all the same when he took the tupperware container from her hands. “Trust me, it’s delicious,” she smirked, pulling out the two forks and plastic plates she had also brought with her. “I may or may not have tried a bite or three on the way here.” Helping herself to a seat, her grin grew brighter and she couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped from her at the mention of the Keurig coffee. “Oh wow, you sure know how to impress a lady, don’t you?” she teased, setting the plate and utensil out for them both. Her eyes were focused on Roland, but she couldn’t help but keep an ear out for the hustle and bustle of everyday life at the police station. The usual buzzwords filled her ears but nothing concrete she could latch onto just yet. “I wouldn’t call myself a chef, and the food came with pretty explicit instructions, so hopefully you think it’s as good as I do too.” She shot another smile his way. “Good enough to convince you to take some time out of your day to actually cook yourself something once in a while?”

He wasn’t a charity case. It was a relief to hear, but still left Roland feeling a little out of his element. Ever since the divorce, he found he was really off his game. “Well, I’m glad,” he responded with a sheepish grin, “It’s nice to have some real food and company.” It seemed a little surreal to him that there was a beautiful woman seemingly flirting with him and bringing him a nice lunch. The breakroom at WCPD wasn’t impressive by any means, but he hoped the new cushions he got for the chairs were comfortable enough. With an unsure chuckle, he responded, “I can hardly blame you. Smells so good, not sure I’d have been able to wait either.” He settled down in the seat across from her and opened up the tupperware container. Keurigs weren’t how he’d normally try to woo a woman, not that he’d done much wooing, but women liked coffee, right? He gave her an earnest grin. “Is coffee and chocolate not how you make women happy these days? I’m a bit out of practice.” Making light of his current lack of romantic skills seemed to ease some of his own tension. “You still had to make it. Worlds ahead of me and my Lean Cuisines.” He gestured jokingly toward the microwave. He took a bite of the steak and nodded, “Definitely good enough that I’ll try my own subscription out. It’s nice having something that tastes like real food. Were you good at cooking prior to trying these out?”

“Good food and good company is extremely underrated,” Erin smirked, pointedly eyeing Roland. She felt a little bad about all of this but being on the favorable side of the police sergeant felt like the right move here. Better company than the one she had in her head, at the very least. If she had to hear Fuck black and white cookies or Putain one more time, she was going to scream. She settled in across from him, digging into the small portion she’d served herself. “Coffee and chocolate are a great start. You’re not so bad at this, huh?” Alright. Good. He was picking up on what she was putting down here. “I better not even get a whiff of you going back to Lean Cuisines after this,” she pointed her fork at him teasingly. She shrugged, narrowing her brows. “I’ve always cooked a little, and just for myself really. So it tasted decent enough to me? But these things really helped me realize everything I was doing wrong,” she laughed, shaking her head. “I know I sound like a walking sponsor for these things but I’m not trying to get you to sign up for the free meals, I swear. I’ve always been an advocate for healthy eating. You have no idea how many heart attacks I see come through my doors on a weekly basis.” She raised a brow, then took another bite, chewing thoughtfully. “But I’ve gotta ask--have I officially converted you?”

“Doesn’t hurt when the company happens to be a beautiful woman,” Roland blurted out and his cheeks immediately turned a flushed shade of pink. Why had he just said that? And why was he still hungry for the heart of a frat boy? “I don’t know why I said that-- Not that you’re not. I mean you have to know you’re a good looking woman. I just hadn’t meant to say that. I don’t know what’s come over me lately.” He was embarrassed. Not that he was normally great with the ladies, but this odd voice in his head seemed to be extra throwing him off his game. “Noted. Any favorite coffee drinks or chocolates I should know about,” he responded playfully, fighting with his hand to stay on his side of the table. They were in the middle of the station and he refused to give into the impulse to touch her hair. Eyes but replace them with candy corn. He briefly imagined Erin with candy corn eyes. She would still be gorgeous. Why did he keep thinking this weird crap? He took a few more bites and enjoyed the proper steak. Lean Cuisine Salisbury Steak and Mac and Cheese had nothing on this. “Okay, okay, no more Lean Cuisines. I’m not much of a cook, but if they’re as easy as you say, I’m sure I can manage.” As if he couldn’t stop himself, he added, “As much as I’d love to be coming through your doors, I’d rather it not be because I had a heart attack.” He buried his face in his palms. Why did he keep saying these things? This wasn’t how he normally talked to women. “I’m so sorry. I don’t--” He was definitely blowing any chance he may have had. “I’m definitely signing up for one of these meal delivery services. This makes Lean Cuisines look like crap.”

Erin slowed her chewing as she watched poor Roland short circuit literally right before her eyes. Oh, this hurt. This was painful. Wherever her conscience had been hiding, he’d summoned it back into the light because she was already feeling terrible about this. She’d make a shitty full-time criminal. “It’s okay,” she laughed softly, shrugging. “I don’t mind hearing it sometimes. Especially not from you.” Oh, she was going to hell. She could feel the flames burning in her chest already. “You know, I’ve actually really been into cheese lately?” She raised a brow, partially at herself. That was all Kaden’s doing, of course. “Cheese and wine. I’m pretty sure it’s just a phase but I’ve gotta admit--it’s a pretty good one,” she smirked, taking another bite. Oh boy howdy, he was struggling. “How about this?” She propositioned, sitting up straighter in her seat, pointing her fork in his direction. “The first box you get, you can return the favor and make me lunch. That’s absolutely the only acceptable way I’ll let you into my house.”

What was going on with him, Roland couldn’t be sure. First, he had hallucinated a monster in an abandoned house and now he kept having strange thoughts that didn’t feel entirely his own in his head. They pushed him to do and say things he found to be uncharacteristic. Hardly the ideal state of mind to be in when talking to a beautiful woman who for whatever reason wasn’t running for the hills. Instead, she still seemed to be flirting with him and that prospect left a warm smile on his face. “Well, good. It’s true, you know. You’re a beautiful and witty woman,” he added on hoping that he wasn’t taking it too far. He was more rusty than he would have liked and it didn’t help that he was out of sorts. Somehow she said she even enjoyed him being cheesy? Not that he was a bad looking man by any measure, but he wasn’t exactly Brad Pitt. Did women even still find Brad Pitt hot? He didn’t know. “Cheese and wine kick, I can get behind that. Any favorite kinds of cheese and wine?” At her suggestion of him bringing over a meal for her once he got his own subscription, a goofy grin etched its way across his face. “I think I can manage that one. Maybe I’ll even bring some of that wine and cheese you mentioned.”

From their brief online conversation, Erin hadn’t expected the Lean Cuisine lovin’ police sergeant of White Crest to be quite so… forward? But the confidence was there and it was a little impressive coming from a man who looked like he hadn’t had a real meal in weeks. “You’re pretty charming yourself, Sarge,” Erin smirked. Her eyes flitted up as someone walked by and there was something eerily familiar about them. “Fucking Gary,” she murmured to herself, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. The man just looked at her with a puzzled expression and she returned it with one very similar, though there was an underlying disdain there she couldn’t quite explain. “Sorry,” she glanced down at her nearly finished plate, narrowing her eyes at herself. “My favorite?” She shrugged. “I mean, a good comte always goes pretty good with a pinot noir, you know?” Hmm. It wasn’t entirely clear to her how she knew that, but she was confident she did. She finished up her food with one last bite, that guilt picking at her insides, subtly and quietly. “We should do this again though, seriously. It was really nice. I mean, I thought so, anyway.”

Somehow his being out of sorts and more forward than Roland would have ever dreamed of didn’t scare Erin off. In fact, it seemed she was still flirting with him and he couldn’t quite wrap his head around why. Ask her if she wants to make out rang in his head, but he stifled the unfamiliar thoughts this time. “Thanks,” he said instead though he became confused at the mention of Gary. His brow scrunched together and he mused, “I didn’t realize you knew Gary. Our other animal control officer isn’t his biggest fan either.” In all fairness, Gary seemed a bit more stable than Langley, but he wasn’t about to go there. “It’s fine,” he responded with a small chuckle. He’d find out what she had against Gary next time they saw each other. As he was walking her out, she did confirm she would in fact like to do this again. The smile on his face was hard to contain and he didn’t see a reason to bother. She mentioned something called comte and Roland had no idea whether that was cheese or wine, but he wasn’t about to give himself away on that. A quick internet search could get him up to speed so he could get Erin something she’d be happy with. “I’ll definitely have to keep an eye out for a nice comte and pinot noir.” To say he was beaming at the mention of doing this again would be an understatement. Erin was witty, smart, and undeniably gorgeous. And she wanted to spend more time with him. His confidence in the dating department hadn’t been the best post-divorce, but apparently his brief stroke of crazy forwardness had done him some favors. “Absolutely, I thought it was a nice time, too. I’ll talk to you soon and we can plan something.” He gave her a final wave and felt a newfound sense of excitement as he made his way back to this office.

#when i look into your candy corn eyes #erin #wickedswriting

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mydearsaddiary · 5 years ago

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This is a Speakeasy Tonight fanfic on how I imagined Neil Season 3 would go like. This is chapter 2, here’s a link to chapter 1: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/post/618558632607514625/neil-season-3-chapter-1-1933-little-curiosity

WARNING: Includes a hot scene and mention of drug use

Little curiosities: Hey guys!, this chapter we’ll be traveling to Columbus! MC’s family will be here and Neil will meet them, but younger sister Hazel gets the spotlight here!

Author notes: This chapter is a bit longer but I hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you for your feedback on Chapter 1! I plan on continuing this story and posting as much as I can! If you like this story please like and reblog!

-Candy, My Dear Diary (05/21/2020)

Neil Season 3

Chapter 2- I love you, my dear sibling. Even when you irritate me.

1926

-It’s not that small-Neil said, looking incredibly uninterested on his first look of the town. He carried our luggage, after all I could still take some advantages of being a lady. We walked out of the Columbus Train Station and into the cab I signaled to

-Whaddya expect? Dairy farms and corn fields? - I teased him getting myself comfortable in the taxi seat. I knew those were around not too far from Columbus, but I wasn’t going to let him win

-From the way you talked about it, I really thought it was the middle of nowhere- He closed the door on his side. However, he couldn’t keep his cynical façade for long. I did catch him trying to take a peek outside- It’s definitely not Boston, or Chicago.

-There’s the Armory me and the others used to beat our gums about nothing for hours, besides wetting our whistles- I whispered that last part- It’s a bit far but you can see it there! Oh, and there’s the church Momma would take us to every Sunday. It’s your mighty luck we’ll be scrambling out of here before Sunday an-

I turned around to notice he wasn’t paying much attention to me. His right leg was restless and he rested his chin on his hand, fixated on what looked like nothing outside

- Are you alright? - I asked, he didn’t reply right away and just gave me a blank stare. I noticed outside the sights changed from a more commercial area to rows and rows of houses, and then it dawned on me- Are you… Is the calm and steady Dr. Dresner nervous to meet my parents? - I fluttered my lashes at him

He chuckled turning his head away again- Don’t get any ideas, tomato- He paused for a few seconds- I’m just missing my bourbon.

-I’ll say!-I couldn’t argue with that, I’m sure he did. For Momma and Poppa, Neil had to pretend to be the ritziest Boston Brahmin, high society upstage type, and the biggest bluenose they’ve ever seen. Lucky for Neil, he had plenty of experience. No morphine, no practicing medicine illegally and that also meant: No bourbon. For him, I bet the hardest part of all of it was the last one.

I had my job to do too. Uncle Charlie was supposed to turn me into Mrs. Grundy and my acting lessons from Elliot and playing the part for the temperance meetings sure made me the perfect Jane for the job. Thanks, Graham.

The taxi stopped in front of my childhood home. The houses were close together in Columbus, far apart enough for barely any privacy. As Neil once mentioned, the middle-class in me was very noticeable, and it was in the place I grew up too.

There it was, the humble castle. The white exterior presented everybody with windows and more windows along with the corny reddish-orange roof. I could see my old room’s window from the cab and it made me giggle with nostalgia from the times I snuck up there from my secret parties at night. Neil gave the cab driver his coin and went to get our luggage

While he played gentleman, I turned around to see the wooden-colored door open and Momma along with Edith and Hazel appear. I could see Poppa and Oliver, Edith’s husband, right behind the excited dames.

I chose the right outfit to impress my parents, a long sleeve loose dress that ran its course to right below my knees. It was cream-colored with some rose flowers on its pattern. At the hip it had a bow that matched the one on my rose-colored chicken-platter hat. My delicate heels were the same rose color. From her eyes I could see Momma appreciating the finesse

Neil carried our bags behind us as I walked towards the porch to greet them

-Mary Catherine!- Momma yelled. Gee, she made me sound like an old bug-eyed Betty.

-Heya, Momma!- I smiled giving her a hug- I sure did miss you guys-I stepped away looking at everyone else- Edith!- I went to her next- I thought I’d have to go over to your house to see you

-I thought I’d make it easy for you-She smiled hugging me

-That’s a lie, Mary, Edith wouldn’t stop talking in my ear until we were here- Oliver, the only stuffed bank fella to ever look like a redneck, came by her side and she took his arm.- Nice to see you back- He should tell that to Sweeney. We particularly never got along.

-Well, couldn’t stay away for too long! - I replied to him, turning my attention to Edith again- You’re glowing aren’t you? And starting to show too, have you thought about names yet?

-No, not yet. We thought we’d wait a little- She said and I was happy for her. Her eyes started to shine at the mention of her pregnancy. The thought scared me. I couldn’t put myself in her shoes right now and still imagine me with a grin like that on my face

-I got you something- I gave her the little bag from the maternity shop I had chosen with Cleo

-Thank you, MC- She held it close to her body- It’s beautiful- She smiled- We all missed you. I’m glad you’re staying with us for a few days

Momma interrupted us with Poppa asking me about Chicago, I told them Uncle Charlie regretted not being able to be there and Poppa mentioned I had to tell the “old geezer” he was coming to pay a visit to him in Chicago soon.

-MC- Edith said- You’ve been keeping this fella a secret for long enough- She mentioned Neil

-I have, haven’t I?- I walked back to him, I couldn’t tell what he was feeling with that stone-face- Well, there’s someone I’d like you guys to meet- He put the our bags down and took his hat off to shake hands with Poppa and Oliver

Momma looked Neil up and down and anyone could tell she liked what she was seeing. Neil was from the high society and one could tell. I mentioned he was from Boston in the letter I wrote her, and I felt bad about having to paint such an upstanding snobbish figure of Neil. He understood it and didn’t complain about it once. Whatever did I do to deserve this man?

-It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Granger- He said. I don’t think Neil had much pleasure in meeting people like my parents. However, he knew everything about acting like he was raised. Although I do think they had a pass to be on his good side due to the fact they were my and Uncle Charlie’s family.

-Well, come on in. Dr. Dresner, right?-She said hurrying him inside. Uh… Hello? Daughter you haven’t seen in months?! Ugh, no use.

Neil sat down in the living room. The place seemed to be set to gossip, it reminded me of how Momma and her lady friends would sit on the relatively old sofas and seats around the coffee table to talk about the neighborhood and how the youth behaved extremely improper these days. Poppa would have his own seat by the radio, but right now, he was interested in the man I’d brought home with me as well. Even Edith and Oliver sat around him, but not Hazel. She was still outside

Her eyes looked down and she was as further away from the party as she could be. I took my hat off hanging it in the coat rack by the door, then made my way to her

-You look so blue people would think you’re the summer sky- I sat next to her on the porch- What’s eating you, Hazel? Didn’t you miss me?

-I missed you MC… Or do you go by Mary now?-She looked at me, reluctant and reserved

-You just call me how you always did- I snuggled up to her- Momma and Poppa have been giving you too much trouble?

-And how! Since you went away, Ted’s been inviting me for dances. It’s fun and all but now they are watching me closely so I can never stay too late- She shrugged- Guess life changes, even for you, huh?

-Whatever do you mean? - I distanced myself a little to be able to look at her face

-Well, I’m happy for you, MC. You know, you’re putting on the Ritz and everything- She motioned to my get-up- Almost didn’t recognize you

-Hazel, you must know I’m just putting on a show for Momma and Poppa

-Yeah, says you! - She gave me an angrier look- You brought in the high class, ritzy man, Boston Brahmin Doctor. Bet he has a deep pocket to go with it too. Momma and Poppa are all over him. Edith, you, and now they’ll be expecting me to marry some boorish stuffed fella

-Neil isn’t like that, Hazel- I took her arm- I’m sorry things have been hard for you. But I’ll tell you not to change who you are. I am the same MC that left. Say, how about I take you out for a spin tonight to the armory, after dinner? We can say we’re going to the movies. Well, if you don’t mind Neil coming along

She looked up at me- Really? Stuffed-shirt is going to go for that?

-He ain’t the bluenose you think he is- I giggled lowly- We’ll keep it secret, like old times.

-Alright-She smiled brighter this time, a little disconcerted, like she was embarrassed about something- So you really didn’t go off to turn into some Mrs. Grundy

I hugged her- Same little old me- I got up- Well, I better rescue Neil from the claws of Momma and Poppa

However when I went inside, Neil seemed to be doing just fine without me. He sat and talked about his Med school, how he went on to the war (But he kept it clean, nice and short), and how he came back and finished school and went to work. He basically told them everything everyone already knew about him and nothing else. He mentioned how he took care of Uncle Charlie and the neighborhood around and that’s how he met me. He painted a pretty picture of how respectable I was. Made me think of how many times he had to do that when he was younger

I sat by his side and even Hazel joined us- I hope they aren’t tiring you out

-Can it, Mary Catherine, he was just updating us on Charlie- Momma said

Poppa then spoke- Charles really got you on the straight and narrow. This one’s got my blessing- He shook his hand all Rotarian-like and Neil shook it back like it meant something- Charles tells me you’ve been working with the Temperance folks up in Chicago?- He asked wanting a confirmation from my own lips

-Yes, I go to the meetings when I can. Uncle Charlie can’t handle going to them anymore because of his health so I go instead. I have been helping him around the appliance store too.

-Oh, look at our girl, Eddie- Momma said looking like the cat who ate the canary- I’m so proud of you- It really looked like she was going to cry. Seems like she really thinks I just found my way back to heaven again- You take care of our little girl, now, you listen!

Neil nodded- I’ll take care of her- He said in a low tone, but looked at me and gave me a secret small smile, the one that let me know all was right in the world

However, with my traditional parents it meant me and Neil had to sleep in separate rooms, but it didn’t mean we had to be separated all the time when they weren’t looking. I declared I wanted to take a nap since I was tired from the trip and Neil suggested he was doing the same if they didn’t mind. Momma hushed us to go “to be all rested up for dinner”. I left my bags in my old bedroom. It now gave me a weird feeling, like I wanted to be out of there as soon as possible, so that’s what I did

I knocked softly on the spare room’s door Neil was staying in and walked in. He gave me a side smile and I closed the door behind me. I had a more comfortable dress in my hand which I put on top of the dresser- Thought I’d change in here

He answered coming up to me, pulling me close and kissing me deeply- Awfully dangerous to do that now, since I worked so hard on building a good reputation for your parents.

I laughed- Sorry. But the worst is over, right?

-If you say so. How likely is it we’re going to get away with this?- I could see the fire in his eyes

-Shh- I put my finger up to his lips, listening. I could hear Poppa listening to the radio and Momma talking to Edith and Oliver downstairs, activities they’d could be engaged in for at least an hour. Hazel wasn’t much to worry about- If we’re quiet, I’d say we got about forty minutes, it’s not much time…

-Plenty of time- He whispered crashing his lips onto mine. The feeling was electric. His hands on my lower back pulled me closer and roamed around that area with urgency. I don’t know if it was the excitement of hiding away and doing something that would get us in so much trouble if we got caught, but I was burning up inside. From the way Neil unzipped my dress he was too.

He pulled it down so aggressively the zipper came off in his hands and he had to force the dress open the rest of way. I would’ve cared if for it being expensive if I wasn’t so lost in him at the moment

We breathed heavily in between hot and desperate kisses as he basically teared my dress out of me in one quick strong pull. I swear I heard it rip before it fell on the floor. He picked me up and I was sure his strong hands were leaving marks on my thighs where he held me.

He put me down on the bed, this time kissing my neck. I made him back away to start working on his clothes. I undid his tie, throwing it away. Next I got rid of his jacket. His impatient hands got rid of his shirt and undershirt while I undid his belt and pushed his pants down.

It wasn’t long before there was nothing more in between us, only my stockings remained on my legs, but without their support they were soon falling out. Neil kissed, licked and touched everywhere he could. I breathed loudly, too loudly. When he got to work around my most sensitive area I let not just a gasp but a moan come out.

-Quiet-He said from down below in a demanding tone

-I’m trying- I whispered back. He knew he wasn’t making it easy for me and I knew he enjoyed knowing that. I placed my hands on my mouth as he continued his work. His tough grasp on my legs weren’t helping either. I wanted to scream and just let everything out.

He did something that made another noise escape from me. This time I looked down and I could meet his fiery eyes. Something in them had more fire than before- I told you to stay quiet- His tone of voice and the look he gave me made me weak on the knees.

He backed away to turn me around to lay on my stomach and I could feel his weight on top of me- Since you can’t keep your mouth shut, seems like I’ll just have to do it for you- He whispered in my ear, and I felt his strong right hand cover my mouth completely

And then we were one in our repeated motions. The only noise now was from our bodies colliding, which somehow he made it not loud but the feeling still feel just as deep. I was still sure I was moaning, but Neil’s hand on my mouth prevented the sound from going any further. It was hard to breathe and I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he moved.

The feeling grew higher and higher until it reached its peak and I knew I’d be crying out his name if it wasn’t our need for discretion, which he enforced by his hand still on my mouth

Even as we quiet down our panting, I didn’t want to leave just yet. My head rested on his chest. A thought occurred to me and I turned around to grab my dress on the floor. This thing was just rags now!

-Hey, buster!- I turned around to show him- You owe me a new dress.

-I’d say it was worth it-His smug face looked pleasantly satisfied and I threw the pillow on his face, to which he whispered an “Ow!” and threw it away on the bed – Alright, fine. But I’m getting you something from Boston.

-Oh, something too expensive for my shallow pockets?-I teased sitting up, putting on the other dress I thankfully brought into the room

-I’m not really a person to give presents around, so take it and don’t say anything about it

-Fine, Doctor. Get dressed. We’re going out- I fixed my hair on the mirror

-To where, exactly?- He looked at me this time- I thought we were staying here for dinner

-We are, and then after we’re taking Hazel down to the Armory

-God forbid you take me to one of those bathtub gin escapades you used to go to- He started getting dressed himself either way- What is that fella name you used to date, “Teddy” was it? You want me to go meet up with nineteen-year-old Teddy and fit in with the youth?

-Don’t worry he’s not nineteen anymore, he’s twenty- I said it like it made it any better

-It’s out of question, MC-He gave me that stern look he thought could convince me as something. He knew I was stubborn

While we got ready for dinner we fought back and forth about it and we ended up in “Yes, you’re going, even if I have to put a leash on you and walk you out.”

----

Dinner was uneventful. Me and Poppa talked about Uncle Charlie some more and I gave Poppa the letter he gave me. Then came Momma asking the big question

-So, when is the wedding?

I looked at Neil then back at her- Well, I was thinking maybe we should wait until the cold went away, like late April or May. It’d give us enough time to plan everything and not have to get married in the cold.

-Why wait that long?! People start talking if you’re engaged for too long!-She complained and Edith agreed- Besides, are you planning on marrying here in Ohio?

-We were thinking about Chicago, Momma- I didn’t want to make any big moves about the whole situation and Chicago felt like home, but I still needed an excuse that’d convince them- Uncle Charlie took really good care of me and now I’m helping him out. I’d like for him to attend the ceremony too, but with the health and all he can’t travel much.

-Well, Momma- Edith started- It’d give us a chance to go see his place up in Chicago, get out of the state and go visit the big city!

-Heh, that ain’t so bad- Poppa said- Chicago seems like a nice place to have it. That old geezer Charles better be looking sharp when we go

-I still think it should be sooner, Mary Catherine- Momma said, but before I continued to disagree she talked again- But, I understand. As long as it doesn’t take any longer than that.

-You got it Momma!

----

After dinner I dragged my cat Neil on a leash to the car. I told Momma and Poppa the three of us were going to a movie night. He said we could borrow his old jalopy and didn’t even give us a time to come back. I think he felt weird giving a thirty-two year old a curfew.

-Well, you take care of this one-He said to Neil pointing to me- And our little Hazel, it will do some good her spending time with you all. She can be a lot though

-I’m sure Mary will be able to handle her- Neil said. Didn’t like any responsibilities he didn’t care about put on him.

-Yeah, I’m sure- He looked at me and I agreed. After all he did believe my change to the bluenose side

Me and Neil waited for Hazel in the car, who said she’d come in a minute

-Your sister, she… She seemed restless today, like something was bugging her- Neil started

-Oh, Momma and Poppa have been hard on her. I told you before, they interfere with her life all the time now

-No, it’s not that- He had a weird look on his face- It’s… Never mind

-C’mon, spill it out

-It’s, the shakiness, the goosebumps on her arms, she was sweating like she was the Niagara Falls.

-You know I don’t speak doctor, right?-I looked at him, now worried. I was with her, but I didn’t notice those things- You think she’s sick or something?

-No. But I know the symptoms of withdrawal when I see it.

-Withdrawal? That’s applesauce! - I looked at him in disbelief- You think she’s hooked on morphine?

-Morphine is hard to get, you need a prescription or access to it like I had. If I’m right, it’s something easier to get

-I think you’re over the edge here. Hazel was always crazy, but she never did anything worse than I’d done

-If you say so-He turned his attention to outside- You know her better than I do

Hazel came outside looking ritzy, wearing a nice dress, lipstick and everything. She went in the back and yelled- Well, let’s scram!

Neil started to drive and I turned to talk to her, occasionally stopping to give him directions

-You’re all dolled up! Is there someone you’re trying to impress?- Realization dawned on me- You have a beau!

-Well, we started seeing each other a while ago. It’s not just for fun, but I ain’t gonna go and get hitched like you!

-Who is it? Do I know him?-I was interested. Neil on the other side drove in silence, like he tuned out the whole conversation

-Well, yeah, actually…

-It’s not Johnny Phelps is it?-I looked at her disapprovingly- You carried a torch for him before and he always seemed like trouble to me

-Martin Phelps’s little brother? No! I only had to go on one date with him to realize he was a flat tire

-I’ll say! Well, who is it then?

-Well, it’s Denby…-She shrugged, this time she was blushing- A few weeks ago he told me he thought I was always hotsy-totsy

-Teddy’s little brother Harry? I mean… He’s alright, but he always seemed like a goody-goody, I never even imagined him hanging around your crowd

-No… Not Harry, Theodore. We have been going out and-

-Teddy Denby?! You have been going out with Teddy?

-We’re not just going out, MC, we’re steady too. The real thing!

Neil snorted- Seems like he’s going around the family

-Hazel Rose Granger, you are not going steady with Teddy Denby!

-Why not? Just because you went out with him in high school once and then like three other times after that? I thought you guys were history

-Of course that’s history, Hazel but he’s a real flat tire too!

-Might have been for you, he treats me well.

I knew Teddy enough to know what he was like. He didn’t treat no girl like a lady and he definitely was after getting under skirts

-Tell me you didn’t sleep with him!

-How’s that any of your beeswax?- She retorted.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Neil had become more entertained with our conversation, even though I know what he was thinking about it.

-Ugh!- I turned around- Neil, turn left here! You’ll see a HUGE armory, there’s no way to miss it! Big huge double doors!- I said with a bummed out emphasis on my voice, turning back to Hazel- Teddy Denby ain’t a real man

-People can change, MC. I don’t know why you’re making such a huge deal out of it.

I didn’t have any more energy to discuss with someone as stubborn as I was, so I let her be, besides, Neil parked in front of the armory. I let Hazel go ahead in front of us and into the big space

-So, this is the object of your doom- Neil said

-It sure is, but you wouldn’t really fit in with the crowd. I used it more as an excuse to make Hazel happy and get you out to show you around for a bit!

Neil and I were gone for about an hour. He seemed a relieved I didn’t drag him into a teenager/young adult party where he wouldn’t fit in. It was all dance and no bourbon. But I dragged him to have dessert in one of my favorite ice cream spots in town. Even though Columbus didn’t burst like Chicago it still had its night life.

Once we were back to pick up Hazel I opened the double doors on the armory, revealing the party happening inside. The people were all around my age. A Victrola was set up that played hot jazz, some of the kids stole liquor from their parents houses or paid bootleggers to give them some. It was always watered down so everyone could drink it. They’d dance and drink and there were petting and necking parties everywhere. Some of the kids would go out in cars and their necking would evolve to more than that. Teddy Denby tried it on me a couple times, but I’m glad I saved myself for Neil. There were about fifty or some kids there, I recognized most of them as kids I went to school with

-It’s a playground- Neil said- It’s literally a playground

-Make fun of me, will ya? I had to have my fun the only way I knew how!-I crossed my arms looking for Hazel

-Well, let’s get your sister and get out of here.

-That’s all fine, but I don’t see her

I scanned the room and someone came up to me- Look who’s back into town!- Tall, brown-haired and blue-eyed. Great, just who I wanted to see- MC Granger. Missed us?- She looked past me and gave Neil and appreciative look. Ugh, she was always a little floozy- Who’d you bring here?

-Neil. Meet Millicent Shumway- I said with a tone in my voice that indicated I wanted her to go away

-Pleasure, mister- She said extending her hand

-Juliet from English class, right?-Neil talked to me and ignoring her hand, but she continued like he talked to her

-Oh, MC was always jealous she didn’t read as well as I did- She replied. Gosh, she was still just as childish. I didn’t like her, but I wasn’t going to start a Dumb Dora contest over here with her, not in front of Neil anyway

-Did you see my sister?-I decided to make use of her if she wasn’t going away

-Hazel? Little poor thing fell in the spell of your ex-squeeze.

-Yeah, I did hear she and Teddy were seeing each other, that wasn’t the question though. Where is she?

-Seeing each other? Guess you didn’t hear the whole thing

-The whole thing?

-Teddy asked Hazel to marry her. They worked it out with his parents, they were planning on going tomorrow to go tell your folks

I was at a loss for words. Didn’t she say this was a couple weeks ago?- You’re over the edge! Marry her?!

-Yeah. Rumor is she’s got the bun in the oven. That’s why they’re going so fast at it

My expression got darker and darker- Applesauce! Where is she?!

-She and ol’ Teddy were necking before going out on his Model T. They screw every night. She’s definitely pregnant

I didn’t even stay to talk to her any longer turning to go outside, but Hazel and Teddy came back in from the back, cuddling too much. She was in disarray, dress all messed up along with her make up. She was definitely jazzed and so was he, but it was obvious what they were doing in that car

-Hello Hazel, how was your stay on the hotel on wheels?

-MC Granger!- Teddy Denby looked surprised at me. He had this characteristic blush on his face that appeared there when he drank. Teddy was a handsome young man, that’s why I had the hots for him when I was in high school and why many girls did too. He was always a sheik among the girls. He was not as tall as Neil, but he was still taller than most. He had a handsome face, bright green eyes and a light brown hair that turned blonde in the sun, he always had a wicked smile on his face that made the girls swoon. We all were under the spell of the “bad boy”. He liked to play gangster and do illegal things because it made him feel powerful. No one could blame Teddy Denby for wanting to be a little rebellious, he was young. However, nothing was just a little with him

-I didn’t know you were back into town-He looked embarrassed

-Well, here I am Teddy. Sure been keeping my sister company- This time I turned to her- What’s this I hear about you getting married?

-Who told you that?-Hazel looked too surprised to me

-Millicent didn’t hide anything, is it true?

Teddy opened his mouth this time- Who said anything about marriage?

Neil observed from behind me, he left but I didn’t even notice out of madness and disbelief

-Hazel, we’re going home! Right now!-I grabbed her hand and left Teddy Denby behind. I got in the car and she got in after me. It was the first I noticed about Neil being gone, but as soon as my eyes looked for him, he opened the door in the car and got into the driver’s seat- Can you take us for a spin around town? Just drive us around and I’ll tell you the way to go home from wherever we are- He didn’t make a fuss about it and did as he was told

My attention turned to Hazel now- Start spilling! You have a lot to clear up

-Alright, alright!- She shifted uncomfortably- I don’t need you on my case too- I was about to yell again but she got the message loud and clear and started talking, very agitated- I’ve always had a thing for Teddy Denby, alright! But you were always around him and all that and I wasn’t just about to steal my sister’s squeeze. But a little while before you moved to Chicago you said Teddy Denby was a killjoy and you didn’t like him so I thought when you were gone I knew there wouldn’t be no hard feelings because you weren’t interested in him anyway! After a while, I went after him and told him I liked him and he asked me out on a date three days later. It’s just the two of us together, we’re not seeing anyone else. It’s steady.

I breathed more calmly this time- Teddy isn’t a great guy Hazel, but… Who am I to say what you can and can’t do- I turned around- So that’s it huh? You’ve been going out and you fell for him? And he treats you nice? That’s all there is to it, no marriage or pregnancy?

-I thought you knew better than listen to Millicent Shumway, she was just trying to get a rise out of you. There’s no marriage and God, no pregnancy! And he does treat me nice

-Nicer than you’d imagine- Neil said, this time tossing me something wrapped in a cloth

I opened it and there was a glass bottle, and a… Syringe- What’s this?

-Heroin. – His tone was brute and simple and my heart sunk. Neil was right, Hazel was feeling the withdrawal symptoms earlier. I looked back at Hazel who had the ashamed look in her face again- I found it in his car when you’re having your sisterly conflict

I was at a loss for words, so Hazel talked instead- Teddy doesn’t use. He didn’t get me hooked on the dynamite. I found my own trouble.

-How long…?- I asked

-A few months. Some fella at a drug store corner said it’d was better than booze and I tried it once. I didn’t know it was bad

-You thought it was a toy, huh?- Neil said

-What do you know about it?!- She yelled at him- Perfect stuffed-shirt are you?

I was going to talk back to her but Neil said something first- It’ll be hard to be off it, but there’s a way. You sweat your way through it and you can go back to just doing your bathtub gin- Neil, Mr. Compassion for the sick, ill and the incapacitated. I imagined he felt for her, even though the circumstances of him being hooked on morphine weren’t the same as my sister and her case was pure stupidity, I think he was putting himself in her place- You want to be off it, don’t you?

-I do. It was fun the first night, I felt incredible. But then I thought that was all there was to it. The night after I felt pain, I couldn’t sleep, I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I did it again and it eased it, since then I can’t stop doing it… It’s the only thing that eases me- She hugged herself- You’re not going to tell Poppa or Momma are you?

-We’ll be back in Chicago in a week and a half. We could convince your parents of you paying a visit to stay with Charlie for a week alone, it should be enough to get you started- I started telling Neil where to drive to as he talked- You pack your bags and I can get you off the worst part. You come back and you just have to keep it going. Think you can handle that till then?

-A trip to Chicago sounds just like what I need right now. Time away from the folks and all that- She sighed lowly looking at me

-If there’s anyone who can help you it’s Neil. I promise to keep it a secret if you work with us.

-Alright…- I could tell she didn’t know how to react, but it was always interesting to watch people appraise Neil when he started talking doctor- I can… I can hold on till then. Thank you Doc Dresner- She said as Neil parked in front of the house.

----

That night I was talking to him before we went to bed- You know you didn’t have to do that

-I’m a doctor, MC- And I knew what he meant when he said that. Duty. Can’t turn a patient away- Besides- He looked at me smiling this time- I’m also doing this for you too. She’s your family

I smiled back, knowing that Hazel was going to be okay now- Thank you- I hugged him, giving him a gentle kiss on his lips- I can’t believe her.

-“Old enough to find my own trouble. Not enough to know any better”- He reminded me of a conversation we had. That was Hazel, alright.

That was the most eventful night of Columbus. We spent a few more days going out and catching up with the family. It wasn’t long before it was time to go.

Everyone said their goodbyes, Momma, Poppa and Edith were still in awe of Neil. He talked to Hazel one last time about it, telling instructions to keep her in check until he saw her again.

I left Columbus that time with a much better feeling than when I left before. Even if it has its ups and downs it was a good feeling. One that made me prepared to face whatever Boston held in store for us

-Seems like your parents had your hands full with their daughters- Neil said when we got to the train station- Makes you wish ours don’t give us nearly as much trouble

-Ours…?-I blushed slightly

-Sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest that-

-No, no!- I cut him off- I was just surprised. We just never really talked about the future like that you know. This is the first time you mentioned kids, our kids- It was scary to think about kids right now, I’m not going to deny it. However, it was a warm feeling knowing Neil thought about our future together- But yeah, one day when we do have them, I would hope they don’t give us much trouble- I laughed- But with my genes, I’m sure all they’ll do is fight each other and create hell on earth

-If they have your genes, I’m sure they’ll be just as frustrating- He teased me and I hit him in the arm

1933

-Alton...- Charlie shook her older brother- Alton…!-She said it louder to wake him up

-What is it, Charlie?! I’m sleeping here!- He turned around to face the girl

-I’m sorry. I had a nightmare, can I sleep in your bed tonight?-She looked at him with big pleading eyes

-No! You shake too much and kick me off the bed when you do!- He turned back the way he was

Charlie shook him again- Please! I promise I’ll stay quiet, please, please, pretty please!

He turned around again- Alright, fine!- He lifted the covers and she went underneath them

-Thanks, you’re the best brother ever, Alton. Don’t tell Luke I said that!

-I know! Go to bed, I’m tireeeed!- He closed his eyes again

-I love you, Alton- She said, now closing her own eyes

-… I love you too, Charlie.

Little curiosities: I thought I’d tell you guys a little sneak peek into the next chapter! MC and Neil are going to Boston next before returning to Chicago. In Boston they’ll meet Neil’s family and the high society! Neil’s mother, father, his siblings Lucille, Maude and Warren and Neil’s ex-fiancée Lillie, who’s is Lucille’s best friend and Cornelia’s Godmother. I also decided to make her Alton’s younger sister in this story! After Columbus, the whole gang will participate in the story and the speakeasy business story will be back! (Along with a quick visit from Hazel)

Author’s note: Thank you guys so much for reading this chapter! I hope you guys are enjoying it and as always, like, reblog and send me any private messages with suggestions, criticisms or any comments! Love y’all!

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filiusinanis-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Kingdom Hearts: The Next Generation

Chapter 1 - I burn a man alive

Okay, I know the title sounds bad but I can explain.

My name is Skylar Cameron Akari. I’m fourteen years old, and I live on the Destiny Islands. It’s a small world, made up of a large mainland with a single town, and a smaller island just off the coast, where the younger kids usually play. Myself included.

I’m nothing very special, just a short kid with dyed blue and pink pixie cut hair, with several ear piercings and a plan to get myself my own tattoo when I’m old enough for my dad to allow me. My closet consists of mainly black, blue, and the odd pink clothing. Mostly just jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies. A beanie hat here and there. Nothing special, just a normal teen. Tween. Whatever fourteen is considered. The only thing that could be considered ‘special’ about me, is my intelligence and my affinity for magic.

Oh yeah, did I mention that magic is a thing that exists?

While the particular world I live on isn’t exactly magic central( Our local school isn’t Hogwarts, unfortunately ) my family’s more than adept in the art. As well as other things, but we’ll get into that later. That being said, my dad and uncle have taught me plenty. As soon as I voiced interest in it, they were teaching me all kinds of little spells. And as my interest grew, my training was turned over to my Aunt, who excelled in the craft. I couldn’t tell you how much I loved learning to use it. Although, I couldn’t help but feel like I never had a real reason to use it...

Until my fourteenth birthday, that is.

It started like all my birthday’s do. With my dad and sibling making me this huge breakfast, consisting of chocolate chip and blueberry waffles, an assortment of toppings( Including Candy Corn, my personal favorite. Sue me. ), home made vanilla milk( The only acceptable type of milk. ), and a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter icing. Because Darrien, my sibling, is highly allergic to peanuts, we can’t have a full big cake with such icing. However, since it’s my favorite they insisted on at least making me a cupcake.

Anyway I made my way out of my room and downstairs into the kitchen. Typically I stay up all night talking and writing with friends on the internet, so naturally I was dead tired. Excited, but dead tired. I rubbed my eyes as I moved into the kitchen, groggily mumbling a small, “G’morning...”

“Hey! There he is! Mornin’ kiddo.” My dad gave me his signature grin, turning his attention away from the waffles to greet me. My dad’s name is Sora. Sora Akari. He used to travel to all kinds of worlds. He even saved them a couple times. He’s got brown hair and blue eyes, and typically wear jeans, converse, a long sleeve shirt and a plaid un-buttoned button-down over-shirt( try saying all that five times fast ). He’s incredibly too kind for his own good. Although, that doesn’t mean he’s easily messed with. He’s a keyblade master. He’s got so much combat experience, and it shows. He’s strong, wise, and you should see him fight. I’ve only ever seen it once, but he has special forms he can go into in case he needs a bit of a power boost. Apparently the one I saw was his strongest-- Final Form. ‘Course, fighting a war for three to four years took a negative toll on him too. He’s jumpy, especially with loud noises( fire works don’t sit well with him ), and I know for a fact that he still as nightmares at night.

“Ha! Looks like someone stayed up all night on tumblr again.” Darrien grinned, giving a small wave of her wrist to show off her pink bracelet. My sister is genderfluid, and recently came out just two years ago, so that year for her birthday I gave her a special bracelet that changes color according to what gender she’d feeling every day. She’s able to change it by just saying “Today I am ____”. I hate stereotyping colors with genders, but we both agreed that it’d be easiest if we just went with pink blue and grey.

Anyway, my sister Darrien is four years older than me( Already in senior year. Lucky buggar. ), has red hair like our mom, and looks uncannily like dad. She usually wears a white t-shirt with red and orange paint splattered on it( or any of her other splatter painted shirts ), her favorite red and orange striped vest, a pair of either white or light blue jeans( usually with some sort of paint splotch on them ), and a pair of red sneakers. She’s reckless, emotional, overprotective, and always has some kind of bandage on her person. She’s got a little scar on the right side of her lips from a stunt she pulled with some of her friends. She loves to paint and craft, even if she’s not very good at drawing. Most of our time together consists of our projects. She’s also a seriously good hair stylist. She’s the only one I trust to do my hair.

“You’re one to talk... You’re the one i was up writing with.” I yawned stretching my arms over my head, “Just ‘cause your a fountain of energy...”

She laughed, ruffling my hair a little, “Alright alright. C’mon, let’s eat breakfast so we’re not late for school.”

All three of us moved out of the kitchen, seating ourselves at our little round table to eat our breakfast. As per tradition, my dad and sister sang to me and let me eat my cupcake before my waffles. We laughed, joked, teased at one another, and all around just had a merry morning as usual.

By now you may have noticed something missing in my little family. I haven’t mentioned my mother at all. Reason being that she apparently went missing when I was only two years old. I was too young to remember her, but I’ve seen pictures and dad told me a lot about her. She had red hair and deep blue eyes, and she was kind beyond belief. She was always doing anything she could to help someone in need. And from what I hear from dad, she’s a fighter too. She takes no sherbet( Darrien and I have resolved to replacing cuss words with food names ), and fights even fiercer than my father. I wish I could’ve met her. The way dad talks, I can tell that she may not be dead. Or at least, he doesn’t believe she is. Just missing. He’s even taken frequent trips to try and find her.

As we ate we did another tradition: letting me open one of my birthday gifts( from each of them ) before the party that night. Darrien gave me a small gift with a new hand-crafted choker in it. Definitely one I’d be wearing to school that day. But this time my dad just grinned, “Sorry kiddo, but I’m gonna have to break tradition a little this year. What I’ve got for you is something that I’m gonna have to give you later tonight.” He gave me a wink, which only served to get me very curious.

I puffed out my cheeks, “Whaaat? You can’t tell me what it is? You’re killing me with suspense here!” My tone was overdramatic, intended to get a laugh out of my father and sister. My sister gave a snort while my dad just chuckled.

“You’ll just have to wait! I promise, it’ll be worth it.”

I blew a few raspberries, earning a laugh from both of them. After eating Darrien and I got ourselves dressed and ready for school. I got really lucky. Today was not only my birthday, but it was the last day of school before summer break too. The perks of being a June baby I suppose. We said our goodbyes to dad, racing off to meet up with Kirimi and walk to school.

I couldn’t have known that I wouldn’t be seeing that house for a long time.

I couldn’t have known that I’d never get that birthday party.

I couldn’t have known that My life was going to be changing forever after today.

If I’d known that, I would’ve insisted on staying home, spending time with dad, and making every minute count.

------------------------------

“Kirimi!”

I heard Darrien shout as she ran ahead of me, waving to a girl up ahead. Her name was Kirimi. She’s our older cousin-- Much older actually. She’s twenty-one. She has curly shoulder-length silver hair, teal eyes and she’s very tall. Very tall. She wears mostly yellow. Yellow skinny jeans, grey tank top, and a vest that used to belong to her dad, Uncle Riku. She’s pretty darn athletic too. She was on a bunch of sports teams in school and was one of the best players. She spars a lot with Darrien, and both of them suckered me into learning swordplay as well. She’s also a keyblade wielder. Her dad did the inheritance ceremony with her a couple years back. I was still pretty young, so i don’t remember much of it. Darrien’s had the inheritance ceremony done with him too, but his blade hasn’t come to him yet.

“Hey kid! Ready to head to school?” Kirimi grinned as we caught up with her, pushing herself off the wall she’d been leaning on.

“Heck yeah! Finally, I’m gettin’ out of school!!” Darrien’s excitement was easy to hear in her voice. Now that she was done with school, she’d be able to spend more time training than studying.

“Lucky. I’ve still got four years left.” I huffed, folding my arms. Aaand the cons of being the youngest.

My sister laughed and ruffled up my hair dashing ahead of Kiri and I, “Don’t worry, you’ll breeze right through it! You’ll do a heck-of-a lot better than I did anyway!” She laughed, running off and forcing both Kirimi and I to start running after her.

The run to school wasn’t anything exciting. Just our normal race to the school yard. And yet as I ran I could swear I felt eyes on my back, watching me as I made my way to the building. And other day I’d simply write it off as paranoia, or maybe just as one of my monsters checking up on me( More on that later )... But this feeling was incredibly different. It wasn’t just that dark presence that I’ve come to sense in my monsters. It was cold and sinister. Dripping with malice and a strong urge to harm. The emotion in the stare was so real, I knew it had to be.

Even so, as I stopped to check the surrounding area every now and again, time and time again I saw nothing but normal passerby; everyone hurrying to and fro to get to work, meet up with friends, or just lounge around the town. No matter how many times I turned, the gaze was always on my back. Looking back I realize I was pretty stupid for not telling Kirimi and Darrien this. If I had, maybe we’d have ended up in a better situation.

But, instead of doing the smart thing and warning them, I brushed off whatever concern they showed and simply continued my way to school. Once the three of us reached the schoolyard, Kirimi wished us a good day and left to begin her training with Uncle Riku. Darrien and I went to our separate classes, and somehow that strange feeling seemed to dissipate as soon as I entered the building. I met up with one of my closest friends, Jill. She’s a lot like me-- a little rebellious, wears as much jewelry as she’s allowed, smart and nerdy, and has an incredible interest in mythical beasts and all things fantasy. She’s actually the one who convinced me to dye my hair.

She’s also incredibly awesome. I met her on my first day of sixth grade, when she saved me from a gang of bullies who’d stuffed me in a locker( Being tiny and one of the most unpopular kids in school? Seriously. Stinks. ). She’d happened to be passing by just when they’d closed the door on me, and from what I could tell she’d scared them off pretty quick. Fairly certain she’d kicked one of them in a... Sensitive place. We’ve been best friends ever since. She even started teaching me martial arts.

While I was seated in homeroom, doodling in my sketchpad and just waiting for homeroom to start, Jill snuck up behind me and grabbed me into a tight hug, “Happy Birthday Sky-boy!!”

I laughed, putting a hand on her arm, “Thanks Jill.”

There was a giggle from her, and as she moved to remove her arms I felt something being strung around my neck, “Aaaand, here’s your gift!”

I looked down, seeing a silver locket strung on a silver chain. Curious, I moved my hand to lift it up, opening it. Inside was a picture of Jill and I, with me having shiny new blue hair with green tips, “The first time I dyed my hair..!”

“Yep!” She grinned, her hands moving to my shoulders, “Hard to believe that was two years ago, huh?”

“Sure is.” I said, turning my head to look at her face, “Ah, I see you went fire today.”

The ‘fire’ I was referring to was aimed at her hair. She had a different color of hair almost every week. Today her hair was a gradation of yellow to orange to red. And it had a sheen to it that made her hair look like it was on fire.

“You noticed~!” Her voice was sing-song like, a huge grin sitting on her face, “Yes, I wanted to go flashy and bright today~. Let everyone know that I’m so fired up for summer break!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at her mini-pun. She loved puns, “Maybe I should change my hair color. The pink’s fading after all...”

“You should do watermelon!!”

“Pink with green tips?” I thought about it, swaying my head a bit, “Hmm... I guess I might have some clothes to go with that.”

She laughed, putting her hands on her hips and moving to stand next to me, “I’m sure you have some lighter clothes somewhere. Ya gotta get a brighter closet!”

“Hm..... Okay. I’ll go watermelon. But only for you! And I get to keep my dark closet!”

“Haha, alright! Operation watermelon is a go! We’ll talk to your sibling to set up the appointment. I gotta be there when you get it done.”

“Alright, deal. Maybe I can convince her to do it tonight at the party.” I smiled, blinking at the teacher called us to our seats.

Classes went by as ‘Final School Day’ usually did-- with lots of parties and just general goofing off( Except for that one teacher who just can’t loosen up ), and I actually got a little mini birthday party in one of my classes. I didn’t have a lot of friends at school, so it was actually a bit surprising that anyone paid attention to when my birthday was. Everything was fine and great. All the way up...

Until lunch time.

Lunch was always the period I dreaded. Not because I had no place to go, I had Jill after all, but because it was the time of day where they got their chance to annoy the heck out of me. Johnathan Hue, Cody Rax, and Harry Stillman. The three biggest jerks in my whole class, who have been tormenting me all year. No matter how often I changed where I sat at lunch, they always found me, and they always humiliated me. Eventually I ended up seeking out isolated places to eat, just so no one would see them messing with me.

I did punch John in the face once though. He screwed up my hair dye by dumping red paint on me from one of the upper floors. Jill high-fived me and Darrien helped me fix it.

Anyway, in trying to avoid having another awful day at the hands of thing one thing two and thing three, I made my way up to the roof to eat lunch. For the first five minute of my thirty minute period by myself, I was content and happy just eating my ham and cheese sandwich, waiting for Jill to come join me. And then the roof door slammed open. I stopped eating, preparing to defend myself. But I didn’t hear the normal laughing and snarky comments of the bullies. I didn’t even hear multiple footsteps. Just one set. They came alone? That was unusual. I glanced up to see who came to torment me today. It was John, leader of the group with short brown hair, muscled up, and always wearing an over-sized varsity jacket. I think he just wears it to look bigger.

I glared at him as he made his way over to me, sauntering on over as if he were actually all-that. If only he knew how many of the kids in the school despised him. He stopped next to the bench I was seated on, leaning against the roof fence. He said nothing, something rather unusual for him. Usually by now he was taunting me, pushing me around, anything. But he just stood there. There was a strange calmness about him. Tainted with hatred.

“... So what are you gonna do this time?” I finally spoke up, not liking the suspense surrounding the air.

“To finish this.”

My body tensed. This wasn’t a ‘I’m going to patch things with you’ tone and feeling. This was malicious. Hateful. The same emotions I felt earlier that day. They’d come from John.

“... When did you start following me?”

“Right after you met with your cousin.”

“... What do you want from me?”

“I told you. I’m here to finish this. I finally have confirmation that it’s you.”

Confirmation..? It’s me..? I couldn’t understand what this guy was talking about. I gave him a quizzical look. He didn’t seem like he was joking, but he also didn’t explain what he meant.

“... Where’s Cody and Harry? Your two flunkies skip school without ya?”

He gave a chuff of a laugh, a twisted grin on his face, “Those two? They’re with my mistress.”

“... And I don’t suppose you’re gonna explain any of this? You’re just gonna let me think you’re crazy?”

He paused, pushing himself off the fence and moving to stand in front of me. I grunted as he suddenly grabbed my left shoulder, shoving me up against the fence, “Do you know what I am, child?” I stared, unsure of how to answer. A jock? A phsyco? A creeper?

“I’m an Oni.” He sneered, “A being forever stuck between life and death.”

I felt my eyes widen. An Oni? So this guy was... Dead?

He read the confusion and surprise on my face, laughing and putting a hand on the fence behind me, “That’s right, son of the void. I am dead. For how long, I know not. All I know is that I died, and was dragged into limbo by my mistress. Now I am neither living, nor dead.”

I was confused. I was scared. I didn’t fear monsters-- I actively tried to understand and connect with them. No, it was not him I feared. It was the pure hostility pouring from him. The joy he would feel in scaring me. The hatred burning through him. The sick sense of entertainment he was getting from this. It surrounded me, and my breathing became labored as if the feelings themselves were squeezing the air out of my lungs. My voice would no longer work. It felt like a knot in my throat. I wasn’t scared.

I was terrified.

“Would you like to know how I died?” I flinched as he spoke again, unable to hold in a wince as he dug his nails into my shoulder, “I was burned alive. I was pulled into Limbo just before my body was destroyed. And because I died so... Uniquely, I obtained certain... Perks.”

I was suddenly aware of the burning hot crawling down my back. Molten metal. The fence was melting behind me. I whimpered at the heat, trying to keep myself from touching it. A strangled yelp left me as a bit of it dripped down my arm and the smallest of dots dropped onto my neck. I heard him laugh, sadistic and with a sick sense of joy behind it. His hand dropped to my other shoulder, and I could still feel the fading warmth in it.

“Do you have a fear, son of the void?” The more I listened to his voice, the more I hated it. Feared it. The sick tone seemed to crawl down my spine, and I could feel the malice dripping from it, “Perhaps a... Fear of heights.

Before I could so much as blink, I felt myself turned around and lifted off the ground, being held by the back of my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut, kicking my legs desperately in an attempt to find the ground. I heard him laughing, felt him fake drop me a couple times, “Oh this is so rich! Who knew that you were so weak! Makes me wonder why my mistress is so afraid of you.”

“Let me go!! Someone help!! Please!!!” I struggled and screamed, and slowly the screams of kids below us began being heard. I chanced a glance down at the yard. A couple guys were running into the building, trying to get up to us. Some of the girls followed them in. The rest of them were standing below us. There was even a small group of football players standing below me to try and catch me if I did fall.

The roof door slammed shut, and I yelped and closed my eyes tightly again, “No one can help you now.” My blood ran cold, and all of a sudden the feeling of his hand on my neck disappeared. I felt myself falling. I screamed. There was a flash of blue and purple light, and all of a sudden I felt arms around me, carrying me back upwards. I had no idea what just happened, but I clung for dear life to the one who saved me. I heard two near simultaneous thuds on the roof floor, as if two people had jumped and landed on their feet at the same time. I heard footsteps, a snap, and a cry of pain from the Oni named John. When I finally brought myself to look at what happened, I saw my father standing over the Oni, keyblade in hand. John was holding his upper body up with his left arm, his right arm twisted and obviously broken. Looking up, I saw it was my Uncle Riku who had saved me.

“How didn’t I know it was you?” I flinched and looked to my father as he spoke to himself. The look on his face was one I’ve only seen once before in my life. The day I’d been ambushed by heartless, and he used his most powerful drive form to save me. A look of protection, of hatred, and a chilling calm. I could only assume it was one he adopted whenever one he loved was threatened.

John laughed. As if he already wasn’t in enough deep trouble, “I guess I’m just too clever...~ Or maybe your senses are just out of touch~”

“Don’t push it.” The words my father growled out dripped with hatred. I had never felt such malice and hatred come from my father before. My dad didn’t hate anyone. He could dislike them, yeah, but I’d never felt outright hate coming from him. This wasn’t just about me. It couldn’t be.

“Tell me what happened that night. Tell me what you did. Where is my wife?”

Mother. Kairi Akari. The woman I only knew through words from my father and sister; whom the only memory I had of her consisted of warm arms, cradling me protectively. This Oni had something to do with her disappearance.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” John was treading on thin ice. But why wouldn’t he? Even if he fell through, he wouldn’t drown. He couldn’t die. No... There had to be a weakness. A way to get rid of him, if only for a while.

“Don’t play games with us.” I heard my uncle speak up this time, and I felt him squeeze my shoulder a bit. Not hard, just a soft squeeze. Reassuring; Trying to tell me that things would be alright. They would take care of it. There was no need for me to get involved yet. He looked to me, smiling briefly to reaffirm the feeling of security. He then carefully placed me on my feet and moved to join dad. I wanted to say something. To tell them to get away. My voice wouldn’t work, and my legs felt like jelly. I couldn’t warn them-- I had to at least think. His weakness. What could his weakness be?!

“Oh, but games are so much fun, don’t you think?” He grinned, placing a hand on his broken arm, “Children do love their games...” I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see what he was about to do. I felt two arms pushing me back a couple steps as my father and uncle backed up themselves. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw John standing. His arm didn’t look broken at all. In fact he was stretching it across his chest. It made me sick to think of how he fixed it.

He cracked his knuckles, letting his varsity jacket slip off his shoulders and onto the ground. I hated to admit it, but the guy was... Very muscular. And he was wearing a tank top that was just a little too tight on him. His arms were covered in burn scars, and if he removed his tank I’ve no doubt that he’d have even more scars on his chest and back. With a flick of his arms, flames ignited to life, dancing in orange yellow and red. Looking carefully, I noticed that the flames didn’t actually touch his skin. Thy were floating just above it-- more like magic than some sort of internal flame. I had to wonder...

I flinched away from my thoughts when I heard the sound of Dad and Uncle Riku summoning their keyblades. There were no words exchanged between the three before the battle began. I heard banging on the roof door. Someone trying to get through to help us. I could hear Jill calling for me behind it, “Sky?! Skylar I’m coming!! I’ve almost got it!!”

Looking back to Dad and Uncle Riku, I saw them fighting against John relentlessly. Both of them were covered in burns and what looked like scratch marks. But every time they hit John, the wound made just stitched itself back together-- there wasn’t even a scar. My feet felt rooted to the spot where I stood. I was terrified. All this malice, hatred, and fear in the air was messing with my head. I had to take a few minutes to breath. In. Out. Focus.

His fire never touched him. It was always just above his skin. Why? If he couldn’t die, he could just light his fire directly on his skin. It shouldn’t even burn... But then... The scars.

That was it.

I drew in a deep breath, forcing my trembling body to still. I held out a hand, watching the fight closely. I had to time it right, or I would end up hitting Uncle Riku or my dad. Wait for it... Wait for it...

There.

I flicked my wrist, and a spark erupted in front of my hand. The spark became a flame, which grew into a fireball. Within seconds it shot forward, whizzing past Riku and dad’s head. It slammed into the Oni before one could even blink, and in an instant his body burst into flames. The screaming was awful, and the amount of pain that flooded the air with it was choking me. The demon looked at me, and a wave of hatred washed over my body, sending me sinking to my knees. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t need to. He’d never forget this. I was his target. Now. And Forever. A strange hole of darkness opened behind him, and he staggered his way through.

As soon as it closed, the roof door slammed open. I felt hands on my shoulders, and I clung to the sleeve of who I would moment later recognize as my father. Jill came tearing towards me, dropping to her knees and throwing her arms around me. Other students were searching the roof, trying to find the bully they knew as John. I choked out a breath-- I hadn’t even realized that I’d been holding it. I over heard my father and Uncle talking-- Something about taking me to Yen Sid, and that they were out of time. I had to take a minute to comprehend what was going on.

Some demon called an Oni had been watching me through the entire school year, and tried to throw my off a roof.

I basically just burned him alive.( Dead? )

I was going to go see Yen Sid with the rest of my family.

And one last big thing that was nagging me.

He’d said ‘it’s you.’ What was me? Did he know something about me that I didn’t? Was it about my monsters? Or...

Did it have something to do with my birth parents..?

I had no idea. I only knew that, so far? Worst birthday ever.

#{[ My journal is my private place ]}( Stories )#Here's the first chapter!!#5002 words #Probably the longest I've ever spent on a single chapter -w-#But! I'm p proud of it ^w^

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apileoflaundry · 6 years ago

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found another thing

have you ever had a conversation with a cab driver? Yeah but never one that was all that interesting do you have any shirts from vacation/tourist locations? Used to have a ton of them, but not anymore. I had one when I was a kid, it was from Oklahoma, and it was about tipping cows. That was cool lol. what is one place you would like to go back and revisit? Chicago. Haven’t been there in awhile. which would you prefer: a homemade gift, or a store-bought one? Homemade but obviously I’d accept store-bought ones. have you ever hugged a complete stranger? I’m not sure but probably not

when was the last time you were “under the influence?” Never how regular of an occurrence is this? Never what random acts of kindness have you engaged in lately? Sometimes I pick up trash from the ground. Idk what else do you know anyone who has never read the HP books? who? Probably plenty of people but I don’t care who. I’ve never read all of them myself have you ever had a relationship last for a year or longer? It feels like I have but I can’t remember what ended it, or are you still involved? *shrug* what kind of scented lotion is your favorite? I don’t care where’s the weirdest place you’ve stuck your used gum? When I was a kid I stuck it in someone’s car, she was pissed and made me clean it up what’s the best time you’ve had at a high school sports game? I went to a game with my dad, it was my high school vs. some school whose mascot was the Coyotes. But it wasn’t held at either high school, it was at our rival’s if you’re out late, where are you likely to be? Not likely to be out late do you ever visit your mall’s arcade (if it has one)? It doesn’t have one when was the last time you had hot chocolate? It was at school and it was basically hot water shirts with sarcastic sayings: yay, or boo? Yay. I want some. I have a baseball shirt that says “touchdown” if that counts if “yay,” do you have a favorite? ”Why be racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic when you could just be quiet?” (maybe not sarcastic but it feels like it) if you lost the use of your limbs, would you still want to live? Yeah I’ve got too much to live for, hope in a better future and of course being there for my girlfriend as examples what’s your absolute favorite topic to discuss? Anything I fanboy over

what is your least favorite topic to discuss? Uhhh personal things when I’m talking to people I don’t want to share them with when was the last time you played hide-and-go-seek? A couple years ago with my cousins where was your favorite place to hide? I never had one what is your opinion on psychics? real, or fake? Isaac Newton didn’t even exist he was just made up, so was physics have you ever watched “are you smarter than a fifth grader?” Yeah, I actually liked it when I was a kid how would you rank your “class participation” in school? It’s horrible in a group because I hate talking to people, but I still raise my hand in class so it’s not too bad have you ever cut your own hair? how about anyone else’s? A few times for myself, never for anyone else. You know how in books and movies there’s a trope where a kid cuts their own hair and it looks like shit? That never happened to me lmao. what is your favorite holiday treat? My grandmother makes these cookies called chocolate dogs and they’re delicious. I should ask her for the recipe so I can make some on my own. how many people have you emotionally hurt? Don’t have a specifically number but probably too many. I’m not the absolute worst person in the world but I’m kind of fucked up. I’m working on bettering myself and I’ve made some progress, but I certainly feel ashamed of my past. how many people have you physically hurt? I fought with my brother as a kid. But other than that not that many, I’m normally not physically violent. were these times intentional, or were they accidents/mistakes? Well both...I don’t want to go into detail :P what is the last thing you asked your parents to purchase for you? I asked for a haircut yesterday because I have no money. My dad gave me $40 and I have yet to use it. do you have any buttons or pins on your backpack? No but it would be pretty cool to have some.

if yes, what do they say? N/A what is your favorite kind of lunch meat? Ham. It goes well with cheese. And this weird spicy mustard we have in the fridge. do you know anyone who is truly obsessive compulsive? Not that I know of. have you ever been confined to a wheelchair? No. how many “top friends” do you have on myspace? ???

do you like oatmeal? It’s okay. I’ve never had good oatmeal though, just the crappy packaged kind from the store.

how many people are on your bzoink friends list? ?????? How old is this???? do you enjoy mainstream music, or prefer underground bands? Depends on what “mainstream” is. The Beatles are very popular but they’re not the top band of 2019. Anyway I like rock music so not very mainstream in the first place how many bands are you “friends” with on myspace? W h a t are you friends with more bands than individual people? meep

do you have a library card? do you use it? Yeah but rarely. I should use it more do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Yeah I cuddle with my cat! He likes curling in a ball next to me when I’m sleeping :3 do you have any candy left over from halloween? I didn’t go trick or treating last year so no. I have some candy stored in my bedroom though. It’s mostly stuff I don’t care about but it’s still candy have you heard of paula godspeed? No have you ever made a bzoink friend test? I’ve never even heard of bzoink who has the best score on it? Jesus Christ himself do you think that you work better under pressure? It depends on what under pressure means. I work better when a deadline is coming up, and I buckle down and get to work. But I don’t work well when someone’s yelling at me to get stuff done, it just makes me stressed and I don’t work well when stressed.

or, do you ONLY work under pressure? Uh no what college did you want to attend as a kid? ASU was that still your choice when you grew up? I mean I’m 18 but I still feel like a kid, my plan is to go there after community college what sports star or athlete did you aspire to be like as a kid? I don’t play sports what has happened to all your old toys? We threw most of them out. But some of them, like my baby toys, were given to other people. when was the last time you shopped at a garage sale? When I was 10. I had a babysitter that liked garage sales have you ever thrown popcorn at anyone? I don’t think so but it sounds like something I would do haha

What’s your definition of weird? There are different kinds of weird. There’s weird as in, you’re different from other people, and there’s weird as in, you’re fucking creepy. The former is like people who like things that aren’t socially acceptable but don’t harm anyone, and the latter is when they do harm others, like pedophiles. I gladly accept anyone who’s weird as long as they’re not the harmful type. Do you use shaving cream? No because as of the time of writing I don’t need to shave. When I start testosterone I will When was the last time you cleaned your room? Is your room clean? I cleaned up a little the other day but it’s still messy Have you ever personally known any girl who shaved their head? Not personally. Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide? No, but that would devastate the shit out of me.

Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Yep. Have you ever coughed up blood? I’ve coughed up mucus with blood in it, but never pure blood How do you wish you could die? In my sleep. And also when just about everything I’ve ever wanted to do in my life has been fulfilled. What’s the longest phone conversation you’ve had lately? I haven’t had one lately. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My dad I think What were the last words you said? ”(Brother’s name), be quiet” Who was the last person you hugged? My brother Do you have any apps on your Facebook? If so, what? Don’t have Facebook What’s some of the worst pain you’ve ever felt? Woke up one morning and my abdomen hurt like crazy for unknown reasons, I didn’t even want to get up. What kind of mouse pad do you have? I have one of a tiger that I’m not using. What color is your mouse? Black and gray. Do you or have you ever had an eating disorder? No. Do you think you’re fat? No. Do you know any who might be anorexic? Do you know anyone who has bulimia? Not that I know of. Did you ever want a pony when you were little? Yeah, I was never crazy about it but I had a toy pony named Boots, named after a pony my grandmother had. What’s your favorite cheese? Monterrey Jack I guess What’s your favorite cake? Ice cream cake is the shit What are you having/what did you have for dinner tonight? I didn’t have much of a dinner but I stole some fries from my dad and I had a shake from Sonic. What’s your favorite dessert food? Brownies. With M&Ms. What’s your favorite candy? Snickers. Have you ever had a Nos? Wtf is a Nos?? How long have you been taking this survey? A couple hours on and off What are you listening to right now? Lazy Eye by Silversun Pickups. It reminds me of a friend I used to have. Our friendship died awhile ago, maybe it was mostly my fault for not maintaining it, but I still find it sad even though I haven’t talked to him in years. Still it’s a great song, I just felt like sharing that What is the closest thing to you right now that is alive? My family sleeping What’s your worst fear? Shitting myself. I’m not kidding it scares the hell out of me Are you an outcast? Absolutely. Do you exercise? Hardly ever. I walk occasionally and ride my bike infrequently, but that’s about all I do. I know I should exercise more but I’m not sure where to start Do you hate it when people repeat themselves? Only when it’s annoying Do you say like a lot? Yep What’s your favorite carnival food? (cotton candy, corn dogs, funnel cake) Fried Twinkies Do you have a good memory? In 5th grade we went on a field trip to St Louis. We went to this museum for kids and I had a lot of fun. The most I remember of it was that there was a slide that was dark and it sent you to a room, and it had a camera so you could see if someone’s on the slide. We flipped off the camera. Do you dislike writing school essays? Yes Are you a very open-minded person? I’m mostly open-minded but not as much as I could be. Are you modest? Yeah I think so What kind of guys/girls do you usually fall for? Funny, dorky, kind ones.

Do you skate? Not really Are you in a band? Nope Can you play the guitar? If not, what other instrument do you play? I wanted to pick it up a long time ago but I hate playing instruments. I don’t know how to play anything besides the recorder If you were to make it big with your own band, what would its name be? The initials of everyone in the band (idk) What’s your favorite kind of pasta? Spaghetti but I fucking love pasta Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? I go over there What’s the perfect first date? Cuddling and watching anime Have you ever had rabies? No Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? No Have you ever gone hunting? No Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No Are you a vegetarian? Nope, I love meat Do you know any vegetarians? What about vegans? Yes Do you know what a vegan is? How about fruititarian? Oh come on What’s your favorite search engine? Google Internet Explorer or Firefox? Safari or Firefox? Chrome Do you have hair in your nose? Who doesn’t?? How long, in miles, is the width of your fingernail? 100000000000000000000+ miles Are you a math wiz? Noooo What’s your favorite subject? Don’t have one What is your locker number at school? Do you have a lock on your locker? We don’t have lockers. Used to but we got rid of them Have you ever received a note in your locker? No Do you like to laugh? Definitely, but doesn’t everyone?

Damn it’s over? I want to write more even though I'm tired :<

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originalmemorieshere · 7 years ago

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Major Turning Points for Me

Major Turning Points for Me There are so many points in our life that really are monumental - even if we don’t recognize it at the time. When was that pivotal point in your life when you began to gain weight (if you are overweight)? When I was a little girl I was so thin that everyone called me Boney Maroney. Yep- that was my nickname. That and Not Quite. There was a song called Boney Maroney about a girl as skinny as a piece of macaroni - that was me. My brother Del used to pronounce my name as Sure. My dad said I wasn’t big enough to be sure of anything, so they started out calling me Not Quite Sure and it evolved to Not Quite because I was so petite and skinny. My first major food problem developed when I was seven. My dad had married a woman with four kids and he had five- so there were nine of us kids. Now, I have to say that we never were starved and my parents did the best they could. But, there was never enough food. I remember sneaking into the kitchen to make a Miracle Whip sandwich when I was seven or eight because I was so hungry. When we lived on the farm we had fresh vegetables or home canned vegetables with the meal. But- that was just a year or two. After that- no. What we did eat was not healthy. Our regular dinner would be macaroni and cheese, fried potatoes, and corn. Another dinner would be macaroni and cheese, pork’n beans, and a peanut butter sandwich. Until I was an adult, I thought macaroni and cheese was the meat of the meal. We were taught to clean our plates. Period. I can remember having the feeling that if I ate fast enough I could possibly get seconds. That was always my goal- get seconds. Then, while clearing the table, I would eat the food off other plates - any scraps, just to fill up. When I look back at pictures of us as kids, we were a skinny crowd. Every single one of us grew up to be good sized adults. Some heavier than others. But, not one thin one in the group. I remember gathering pop bottles along the road to trade in for two or three cents each. We would search the ditches and yell out with excitement over every one. Then- it was off to the store to buy candy. Mmmmm chocolate. I remember going into the store with the bottles loading down our arms, smiles on our faces, and excitement in the air over such a thing. Sometimes we would make that trek twice in one day to get something sweet. I was seven and eight at the time. Fast forward to ten years later and I got married and developed my second major food problem. I was used to cooking for nine or ten people on a daily basis. I didn’t scale down the recipes by much and my x and I ate large meals. Nothing or no one could limit how much I ate. The pounds began to pile on. I would eat a whole Ritz Chocolate Ice Cream Pie in two days because I could. We also ate lots of pot pies and rice because we didn’t have a lot of money. More macaroni and cheese, but this time with hamburger patties on the side. I ate very little green vegetables. Mostly starches. And the pattern continued. I was up to 195 lbs when I had my son. I got down to 165 and then back up to 209 when I had my daughter. I left the hospital weighing the same as when I went in. From that point forth I have been over 200 lbs, with an exception of once when I got down to 195 a year later. I was over 308 pounds just a couple years ago. The changes I am going to embark on are for me. I can see that the unhealthy way I used to eat was hurting me. I now feel guilt over the way my kids grew up eating. If it could be fried, I did it. There was gravy at almost every meal. Big thick chunks of beef or pork. I was showing them my love- food. I didn’t want them to ever go to bed thinking about food like I did. Isn’t it funny how we do damage to others when we don’t even realize it? If you had seen me just weeks ago, you would have seen despair, depression, and an overall lack of confidence in myself. I was tired of being so big, tired of hurting in places that shouldn’t hurt at my age, tired of acid reflux every night, and tired of looking like hell. I knew that I was ready for a change. Having been so tired that I wanted to change was nothing new. I’d done it a million times. And, each failure was that much more depressing. You know- I’m a good person, I have a good heart, and I am nice to people - overall. On the inside I am not FAT- I am just ME. But, I felt I wasn’t given a chance by a lot of folks because they saw me as FAT. FAT defined me- wrapped up my whole personality and being. And FAT has so many bad connotations. I must be lazy, slovenly, greedy, have no self-control, and I mustn’t want to change. At the time, all of that offended me. Now, I hate to admit it- but some of it is true. I am very physically lazy since I have had my hip injury, I do eat way too many calories, and I have no self-control. I’ve been dieting long enough so that I know there is no miracle weight loss cure without undergoing the knife. To do it on my own is hard. Very hard sometimes, but other times it is second nature. I try not to think of it as a diet, but rather a new way of living and eating. It’s funny that although I’m sure that a lot of the people around me on a daily or regular basis are probably tired of hearing me talk about my diet and my frustrations, successes, and progress. But, to me it is a very important part of who I am right now. I’m not the same me I was even the last time I dieted. I am the “new and improved” me. (Although, I never understood that saying. Something can be new or you can improve on something already existing.) With me- I am always harping on about something. Sometimes it is a spur of the moment thing and sometimes it is the long range thing. But, I am never at a lack of words. Some people have said that I get a little too personal on here, but that is what this is for me. Most people reading this do not know me and never will. With the anonymity of the blog I have the freedom to really express myself. The few people reading this who already know me know that just about anything is likely to come out of my mouth. If I think it- I say it. I feel like by letting some of the thoughts I have about this whole dieting process out and by putting it into words, it may inspire someone else to either discuss their diets with me, give someone hope that if I can do this- then they can, or it can even be a source of amusement sometimes. And, it gives me a written journal of my struggles and triumphs during this time. If it sounds selfish, so be it. I do want to look good. I know that at my age I am not going to turn heads, but I would like to at least be considered. I have read that within 3 seconds of looking at a female, a male divides them into two categories. Either they would or would not. Period. I do want to feel like someone would think I could be an option even though I am not looking for anyone. Is that wrong? If so, oh well. It is the truth. I think we all want a little attention. I want to feel good. I can remember feeling so good around ten years ago when I was 90 lbs. less that I am now. It was nice to sleep all night without pain. I could bend, stretch, move, and didn’t have anything but my plantar’s faciitis and my back hurt some from the wreck. Overall, I felt good. I was walking 4.5 miles in less than an hour, I could ride the bike in the evening for 9-11 miles, and still have energy at the end of the day. Do I believe that I can do it this time? Yes. I have done it before. Do I believe that I can stick with it? If I stay with the plan and do what I NEED to do, I can do anything. But, I am scared. I really am scared. We all deserve a second chance. I know- second chance? Anything after the first time is my second chance. I can have as many second chances as it takes. All my previous second chances are gone- poof- smoke in the air and gone. This second chance will be the one. Some of the things smaller people don’t think about and do as routine are next to impossible for me. I act like I don’t like pierced earrings and wear only clip ons. Wanna know why? My earlobes are too fat for posts. The backs come off since I cannot put them on too tightly or my ears are pinched and hurt when I do. I want to go in a store and buy a pretty pair of post earrings and wear them. I also want to cross my legs at the knees. I can take an ankle and throw it across my other knee, a wee bit manly and all- but no way can I cross my legs like most women. My stomach and legs are too large to allow it. I know. I know. It is not good for women to cross their legs, but I want to do it. If the world was divided into three groups- skinny, normal, and fat, I would love to be in the normal group. Oh yeah, I am not as fat as some people out there, but they are the people that the Discovery Channel makes shows about. I want to walk onto a plane without seeing fear in everyone’s eyes. I can read their minds. “Please don’t let the fat woman sit by me. She’ll take more than her share of space and I will be squished.” They avoid looking directly at me, some may throw their coats on the seat next to them as though the seat is taken. Others may start a death rattle cough, trying to keep me from wanting to sit by them. I want to sit in any seat and feel comfortable. And, when the flight attendant asks if I want a snack, I won’t have people eyeballing me to see how many bags of peanuts they think I will snarf down. It would be great to great to go a restaurant and be seated anywhere without worry. I worry if the chairs will hold me. I did break one once and I’ll never forget that. I want to be able to sit in a booth without my body being cut in half by the table, with my breasts shoved up into my chin. And, I don’t want to be paranoid- thinking others may be watching the porker go facedown into the trough. If you don’t have a weight problem, I am sure there are other things you worry about. I know I am not the only overweight person out here who feels that I am judged on my weight. The best part about the weight loss is that I will be able to do more things with my grandkids and family.

#originalmemorieshere #weightloss

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