#and yea there are too many things where that anxiety is seen as productive and attractive

[ihatebnha]

im ngl I think the shy reader trope is just boring too sorry to all the shy ppl out there but i need a reader w some guts 😭 cause a lot of the time, those types of readers come w miscommunication tropes tht i absolutely ABHOR also protection is cute & stuff but i love when a reader can stand up for themselves who isn’t afraid of confrontation & isn’t a damsel in distress. i just think it’s so played out tbh 😕

True, true, true!!! Has me SNORINGGGGG

And I just think... there are ways to do shyness where this ISN'T the case... but literally no one does, and it just makes people's burnout for the topic SO much worse. When everything is the same as the last shy + insecure piece (where you get saved and rewarded for doing nothing), there's hardly any reason to bother, you know?

People really treat the trope like... it's its own... thing that needs SPECIAL consideration, when in reality... that so ridiculous cuz you can write most things without weighing the prompts completely on reader being... that specific weird, meek way.

And it honestly just makes me so *Arthur Fist Clench* cuz like... I hate the notion that confident girls don't sometimes need protection, too. Or like, brave girls wouldn't cuddle with their faves all gentle. Or even like, shy girls are't capable of being strong and self sufficient, too. Like you say, why is personality what gets used as the determining factor for a situation when there are so many different ways to do genuinely GOOD confrontation???

It just plays on sooo many weird archetypes (that are just fucking boring at this point) that it's easier (and less disturbing) NOT to read them, tbh.

Why waste my time on something that's been done badly 100 times before when I could be reading something interesting???

[ilovefanfic86]

Supernatural S15E20 “Carry On” Series Finale

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

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Warning!!! I am going to be very emotional in this post. I kinda still am. There will also be plenty side noes. 

I knew they would play that version. (Grabs tissues)

They were babies. 

Bobby will always be the dad the boys desrved.

Sam was so damn buff in “Lazurus Rising”.

I like how we get to the old characters/actors.

It feels like they wanted to make us cry before the actual episode.

Here we go...

 *Deep breaths*

Lol!! “Ordinary Life”

Dean kept Miracle!

THANK YOU JARED!!!

I’m Sam making the bed.

I loved this montage of Sam and Dean living a free life.

The title card for the last time.

Pie Fest!! 

Finally Someone brought up Castiel.

*Side Note*

 What Dean said makes sense. Them honoring Cas’s sacrifice by being happy and free is what the should do, but fuck that.

What is this purge shit?!

They are SINGER AND KRIPKE!

Haven’t seen John’s journal in forever. Its beautiful to see that they still have to use it.

Evil mimes = Vamp mimes Thank you Dean.

Well its clear that Jack brought back everyone. Good cause I was worried about Garth.

I don’t trust this plan.

Dean and his ninja stars are too funny.

Yea, clearly a trap.

*Side Note 2*

I am feeling a little let down with the “MOTW” storyline. It’s not what I was expecting. Hopefully this goes somewhere.

Damn! Sam got his ass scooped up.

Wait... What? Jenny? I barely remember her.

Oh... Well bye Jenny.

DAMN IT DEAN!!!!!!!!!!!

I FUCKING HATE THIS SHOW!!!!!

Dean telling Sam that he is proud of him.

STOP!!

I am truly speechless right now. Dean is really dead.

Poor Sam. He had a hunter’s funeral with just the dog.

My heart is really broken right now.

Thank you Donna.

*Side Note 3*

I noticed that the call is from Texas. Like “Walker: Texas Ranger” Lol!!

I am having anxiety watching Sam leaving the bunker. 

The Table...

*Side Note 3*

How did Dean fight the universe’s ultimate badasses and was taken out by a FUCKING NAIL!!?!?!?!?! 

Dean and Cas deserved better.

Dean is in heaven. 

BOBBY!!!

Wait... What did Jack do?

So, no more reliving life’s greatest hits?

Rufus is with Aretha Franklin and John and Mary live up the road.

Harvelle’s Roadhouse.

CAS HELPED JACK MAKE HEAVEN FOR DEAN!! SO CAS IS IN HEAVEN?!?!?!?

Except... WHERE THE FUCK IS CAS?!?!?!?

There’s Baby! With the original license plate.

Sam had a baby and named him Dean!

I can’t see the woman on the porch? Is that Eileen?

Little Dean has the possession tatt.

OH GOD SAM IS ABOUT TO DIE!

An acoustic version of “Carry On...” Who said that this was okay?!!!!

Is he going to meet Dean on the bridge?!!

“Heya Sammy.” 

After watching the episode a few more times and reading the lastest gossip about the finale. I do have some opinions on the matter. Some of you may agree and some may not. These are my opinions and thoughts. 

Given all that has happened this year I am grateful that they filmed anything. They risked their health and the health of their familes, to get us the finale. I appreciate that. However, there is clearly somethings that were amiss. 

First, Dean. (a.)At first I was just completely hurt about his death. I was so mad that he was killed by rebar because of a lame ass vampire. I get the angle that they were going for with it. Now that Chuck isn’t writing their lives anymore, they don’t have plot armour anymore. Basic shit can hurt them now. Just like when the didn’t have any “luck”, regular people shit happened to them. So, if you fight in a barn around random ass rebar sticking out, you’re bound to get hurt. 

(b.)Social Media. I get on Twitter and Supernatural is trending. But, not because of high praise. No. It was because a lot of the fandom felt cheated by the finale. Which is how i felt at the time.Then that Jensen did not like the ending. That he thought that the ending was going to be different than what we got. Granted that they couldn’t go full out because of the virus. If I am correct, Jensen said that they would go out “Butch and the Sundance Kid” style. Plus they edited so much of the episode “Despair” that him and Misha felt that the charaters were cheated. Also Jo (Alona Tol) and Ellen (Samatha Ferris) Harvelle were not asked back. Which I thought was strange. 

(c.) What happened to all of Dean’s earthly possessions?

Seceond, Sam. (a.)Sam’s life. I am glad that Sam got to live a long life and have the family that he always wanted. I know that because of the pandemic we couldn’t shoot everyone together. That being said, Did Sam marry Eileen? We don’t see or hear from her. The only glimpse of his wife is on the porch and its so far away we can’t tell who it is. Also in Sam’s montage, we see a lot of pictures inside his house. But not one of his wife. It just seems rushed is all. 

(b.)Sam’s aging. I am not okay with the wig that they had Jared wear. It looked like a Party City wig. Again, rushed production. But, I do forgive them for a shirtless Sam/Jared. THANK YOU!

(c.)Sam’s heaven. This may go into the plotholes area. When Sam goes to heaven will he see Jess again? Jess was the love of his life and he said that he still thinks about her.

Third, Castiel. (a.) Misha Collins did a amazing job as Castiel. His performance in “Despair” really broke me. That being said, Cas deserved better than the show gave him. A few mentions in the last episode. But no one is really talking about the fact that Cas confessed his love for Dean and it was completely ignored. We just know that Jack got Cas out the Empty and they both made a new heaven for Dean. Does Cas and Dean ever see eah other?

(b.)Destiel/CasDean. DESTIEL BECAME CANON! This was a huge thing for the SPN fandom. People who have never watched the show were interested by this. This made 2020 a little more enjoyable. Now, I know that there are some that are against Destiel. That is your right and opinion. However, it is now plain to see that Cas has always had the feelings toward Dean. And they are not on a platonic level. There has been years of evidence to this. Sam and Cas’s relationship is not the same as his and Dean’s. Naomi programmed Cas to kil Dean but couldn’t once the time came. From angel to demon, Devil and God has all said at one point or another that Castiel was in love wth Dean.. Whenever Cas died on the show, Dean spirals out of control. He always tries to find something else to get his mind off the fact that Cas is gone. Does Dean feel the same for Cas? I’m not sure, but I lean more to that he does. I have always believed that Dean was Bisexual. He’s been seen checking out men on the show. I just wsh that they would at least acknowledged it. 

Fourth, Plotholes.(a) There are so many plotholes after the finale that I need answers to. I have too many to put on here. I will put those in a different post. 

For what the finale was, I liked it. It did fall a little flat, but if I just focus on the fact that they both got the ending they deserved.

 2 brothers, hunters, Archangels vessels, Men of Letters, Legacies, Knight of Hell, Boy!King, ‘Messengers of God’s Destruction’, Dads, Heros. Thank you.

Sam and Dean Winchester... There is peace, now you’re done.

(not my gifs)

[scrollypoly]

Very tired of seeing people praise veganism as the only solution for sustainable alternatives for food or other things. Especially when they dont bother to acknowledge the veganism movements flaws.

Yes, eating less meat helps, going vegan can help. But theres a lot of vegan alternatives that are not sustainable and inherently flawed. Pleather and artificial fibers in clothing for example. Its all plastic; real leather will last longer and wear better than a pair of pleather boots that will degrade in 10 years and get tossed in the garbage and not biodegrade. We are working on other leather alternatives though, i have seen leathers made of fruits that can be hopeful, especially if we can tie it in with our food waste issue. Or things like wool and honey, which we need to harvest for the animals benefit. Honey has a lot of beneficial properties too, and so does beeswax. Wool is another incredible natural material, super versatile and will age beautifully and give so much use.

If we're talking meat products, then yea, the meat industry is very flawed. It takes up a lot of resources, water and land, to raise livestock. But i sincerely dont think veganism is the only alternative to that, and to praise it as the only and best solution is naive. The nutrional density of meat is pretty hard to compare with, and i wouldnt be surprised if there were a lot of plant based protein alternatives that can cause allergies or be inaccessible for people. Off the top of my head, tree nuts and eggs for example. Food allergies are on the rise, and i dont think its unlikely that more allergies will crop up.

Reducing meat consumption is definitely a great option. Finding ways to incorporate more plant based protein has to go alongside that. Or, what i always prefer, buying your meats from local small farms if its an option. If you have the ability to do so, raising your own chickens is a great alternative too. Ive seen people talk about eating insect protein, which, def not for me but it is an option thats growing in popularity.

If youre gonna rant about the meat industry however, and not be willing to discuss how the agricultural industry is also deeply flawed, then i dont want to hear it. Monoculture farming is harmful to the soil and degrades the land over time. A lot of vegan alternative products like palm oil are grown using unsustainable agricultural and labor practices. Not to mention the footprint of transporting produce around the world.

And all of this still intersects with availability of alternatives. Because a lot of products that are more sustainable are more expensive to produce and therefore more expensive to sell. Capitalism relys on planned obsolescence and things break very easily and quickly. How many people in poverty can afford reliable eco friendly products? Plastic free products? Sustainably grown products? How many disabled people can travel around to multiple local markets for their groceries? Rely tools and devices that arent plastic free to survive? Need regular prescription meds that arent in refillable packaging?

For those that want to be more sustainable but have no idea where to start, are overwhelmed with eco anxiety, and feel hopeless about their situation. Here are some ways that have worked for me, hopefully they can help you too.

Examine your consumer habits. The best way to cut back on your waste and your personal footprint is to simply consume less. Look at the things you buy, the products you use on a daily basis. Are there other options that would produce less waste? Things like buying unpackaged produce instead of prepackaged. Are there things that you buy that arent necessary? Clothing hauls is the first thing that comes to mind. Or, if you do need them, can you borrow from a friend or buy second hand? There are a lot of things that we do that produce waste that we just cant swap unfortunately, like prescription medications. Dont beat yourself up over the places where you cant change, instead, find the places where you can and make a commitment to alternatives.

Take care of the items you do have and make them last longer. Take care of dishes, pots and pans, appliances, furniture, clothes, etc. If you have clothes that are getting holey or worn down, consider repairing them or picking up sewing. You can learn how to repair wooden furniture, or find ways to restore upholstery if possible. These are things that you have brought into your home, dont let them gather dust or go into disrepair if theres a way to prevent that.

See what you have that can be reused for another purpose. Jars are a big one. I slip all the time on taking home take-out containers only to throw them away. Storing leftovers in old reused jam or pickle jars works just as well as to-go boxes or tupperware. Reuse plastic water bottles or plastic straws, and you wont have to buy a fancy new bottle or reusable straw. Cut up old shirts that you couldnt fix and were gonna toss into cleaning rags or un-paper towels. There are things all around you that would work just as affectively as something you would buy at a store.

Read up on your local buinesses or community activities. I see a lot more community gardens than i did in years before. And local libraries have a lot of resources, and maybe even events to help out around your community. Growing closer to your community is always a good practice, and the friends you make may be able to help you with items or skills that you may not have, like needing a crockpot without buying one, or fixing a table or chair. Local farmers markets and festivals are great ways to buy locally and give back to your community too.

If you have to buy something, see if you can get it second hand, or buy a more sustainable option. I always shoot for ebay if i need something i can buy used, or my local thrift stores. Or if i need to buy something i can only get new (shampoo, toothbrush, etc) i see if i can buy from local places with sustainable options, or even online shops in my region. Your money is your power as a consumer, so put your money toward whats important to you. Find going organic more important than curbing plastic? Then buy the organic produce, even if its wrapped in plastic. Because of organic certification requirements, they're likely to be wrapped over conventional produce. I focus more on my waste trail, so i try to buy plastic and package free as often as i can, and sometimes this leads to me buying things from places further away in bulk. Oh also, buy in bulk if you can, it can help reduce your shipment footprint.

Grow a deeper appreciation for nature. Get involved with local clean ups, or volunteer for outside events. Even spending some time in the grass and sun listening to the birds can deepen your bond with the Earth. And when youre fighting consumer habits against a consumer society, sometimes some time to ground with the focus of your efforts can be incredible for your mental health. Learn about local plants or wildlife, take pictures of the sunset, the more you understand and love the world around you, the easier it gets to want to save it.

Be gentle with yourself. Often times, there is no one perfect solution. Don't let eco anxiety bog you down and paralyze you. I've heard someone say once "you cannot do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good you can do." Every little effort helps.

[destiny-smasher]

i don't see anyone in the fandom being at all hateful. y'all are just mad pricefield isn't the ship most fans like the most anymore. let people love whatever they want to love, it makes them happy, let them be happy.

Oh, good, I must’ve just imagined all of the hateful Max-bashing and PriceField bashing I’ve seen across Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. I feel like the only reason I haven’t seen it here is because Tumblr has no proper commenting system.

I completely agree with your last sentence, yea. I’ve never said there’s anything wrong with people loving what they want to love, but I do think AmberPrice is functionally unhealthy and harmful for both characters in the long run, and so glorifying and romanticizing it OVER the relationship that actually brought healing and maturity is just a little backwards to me. It’s not that I think it’s “Wrong” to ship it, it’s that I’m uncomfortable with grown adults actively marketing unhealthy teen romances to the masses. As I’ve expressed in my deep dives on BtS, I think Deck Nine is self aware of these issues, and the damage Rachel causes to people around her is actually a pretty prominent and recurring theme of BtS, all while wonderfully (so far, at least) expressing that in a way that doesn’t paint Rachel as a villain -- she’s not a problem, she’s a person. And ya know what? So is Max -- just because Max’s social anxieties are internalized (whereas Chloe’s are externalized against others, and Rachel’s are externalized into manipulation) it doesn’t make her faults less excusable, and yet I’ve seen people say such hateful things about her recently. It’s really alarming.I disagree with the idea that PriceField “isn’t the ship most fans like anymore.” I think a lot of NEW people have jumped on AmberPrice, and I think Episode 2 was able to warm a lot of people up to it in particular (because some really neat stuff was done with it, even in a negative way that’s thematically super interesting). Just wait until that Farewell episode releases and all the original fans of the first game will actually feel comfortable supporting that relationship again, I suspect. Right now, Square wants people to ship AmberPrice, and the ways they’ve done it -- going as far as to manipulate PriceField specific content creators to legitimize this new story that was never intended in the first place. And that’s not to say it shouldn’t exist, but to say I don’t see why it should outside of selling these characters, their love, their personal problems, as a product to fans they know care too much to ignore. It really rubs me wrong to see so many talented people, from voice actors to game devs, kind of shoved into this money-making mess that in some ways is devaluing the original story it’s based on.

So, I mean, we could ignore that and get to your “i haven’t seen any of this hate” and like, hey, I’m glad. I wish I hadn’t. But here’s the thing -- I’ve seen people, multiple times, in multiple places and ways, talking shit about Max in hateful manners I have never seen anyone talk about Rachel with. (Actually, people did pull similar shit with LiS1 and Chloe)

At that point I don’t even give a fuck about ships. Max is a great character. She didn’t do anything any more wrong than Chloe did, than Rachel did, and she sure as shit doesn’t deserve people saying things like “she should be dead instead” or “she should’ve killed herself like that journal page showed” and it’s things like that that really make me worried. Even back with the nonsense in the Avatar fandom shits I never saw people saying shit like, “yea well Aang should’ve died” or “Zuko should just kill himself” and tbh characters in THAT show did some pretty dark and not OK shit to each other, much worse than just...becoming distant over time because of social anxiety.

Then again, a lot of folks in the Avatar fandom weren’t as adolescent, ironically -- until a sequel happened. And just like that series, I see an uptick in immature mannerisms, behavior, and mentalities happening -- because a prequel happened. And I see the fandom splitting itself apart in ways that never happened before this prequel, even though we already knew basically all of this already.

Square’s marketing/management has only worsened the situation and made a number of passionate, dedicated fans of the original fan uncomfortable in their own fandom, and that’s just sad and messed up. I feel unsafe openly expressing my feelings on Reddit, where the LiS section has just become a hivemind to the hype train. I really like Deck Nine, I like these new actors, I feel for the old ones, I feel for Dont Nod, I just...feel bad for most everyone involved in this, because it was all a really complex, delicate, uncomfortable thing to do in the first place.But “the fans” asked for it, and when that happens, corporations can practically smell the money and can’t resist. TBH I get the impression BtS isn’t performing to expectations -- probably because Square assumed it would somehow sell MORE than the original, when that just was never going to happen. And that upsets me, too, because Deck Nine seems pretty damned awesome and I’ve had personal contact with some folks there, they’re great, I am glad they have their heads in the game (literally). But I feel like their skills are kinda being wasted on what basically has amounted to fan service.#TheOne thing I did not expect to see with this fandom was cannibalizing itself over fucking shipping and trash-talking the main fucking character of the actual main story en masse. #TheOne thing I did not want to see (but knew would happen when this project got revealed) was a romance between minors built on an unsteady foundation being packaged and branded as “The Best Thing please buy it”

[horsebitesfence]

On Chronophobia and ADHD – RB with Hestia Peppe

RB: hey, i think i just self-diagnosed with ADHD, am i right in thinking that's something you know about? would welcome any recs you might have for reading/resources

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RB: (it would explain so muchhhh)

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RB: (also wondering about the rel between ADHD and trauma)

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HP: Oooh yes! ADHD is definitely the errr paradigm I am working with right now if that's a way to think about it.

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HP: I am actually amazed by how practically useful it has been to think in these terms.

But I will say in terms of research/resources stuff is thin on the ground and mixed up with a lot of neurocognitive research which i find quite dodgy in places, not to mention the (very american) pharmaceutical agenda.The best stuff i found has been self advocacy descriptive personal account stuff, and that has been very much a process of reading between the lines.

Basically, people with ADHD tend to at least appear quite ‘high functioning’ (not an ideal phrase because hierarchies) so go undetected often, and then its very very stigmatised, i would say, in that often symptoms or traits are judged in moral terms. The most important sort of secondary ideas i have found are about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, and anxiety as a hugely comorbid secondary issue which is more likely to be treated than the ADHD itself.

The relationship to discipline and goal-setting is formative, as is chronophobia or a traumatised relation to time, and sometimes memory. The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so process is more fulfilling than completion of work; but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.

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HP: As far as its relation to trauma goes, i would say it probably renders us more vulnerable to CPTSD. Lack of diagnosis or 'management' of ADHD leads to problematic coping mechanisms, leading possibly to abusive or addictive behaviours or on the other end vulnerability from a lack of or funky interpersonal boundaries. But whether anything is causal/symptomatic or comorbid seems always particularly hard to tell with ADHD, partly because of the non-typical relation to time.

HP: The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so [that] process is more fulfilling than completion of work, but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.

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HP: On the plus side, [my] university and NHS [practitioners] have both been really encouraging about seeking help for it and getting a psychiatric diagnosis, which i am interested in, tho will no doubt have its downsides.

Most important, i think, is that mental health problems are treated in the context of ADHD as a constitution, rather than [in isolation], and i think that would go for trauma stuff too. Apparently ADHD folks have less success with SSRIs than others.
I think a body focused/somatic approach [is] v. v. productive, for both ADHD and trauma.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria [also] seems key. It’s the idea that the emotional impact of rejection is almost irrationally high in many ADHD folks, but [then again] this may be a traumatised relation from the stigma of ADHD, and literally being reprimanded more often than neurotypical folks, rather than being an essential difference. So if there's an interaction with trauma specific to ADHD it might be related to emotional response to external stimuli being higher.

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RB: gosh, yea.

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HP: Sorry so much.

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RB:  Wondering how receptive my gp would be to my requesting an adult diagnosis

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HP: My GP was like ‘yes, will refer u immediately’, but that’s with a recommendation from an Ed Psych which uni paid for. *UPDATE: NHS maybe aren’t doing this as quickly as i thought, so it remains to be seen if they follow through; and university seems to just be sending me through as many hoops as possible, lots of assessments, minimal support systems.

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RB: ok

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RB:  i saw this on Twitter – ‘ADHD Explained Using Comics’ by Dani Donovan,1

and, like, so much of it is me. ,2So much. idk what chronophobia is but def. have weird relationship with time. Very weird.

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HP:  I have sort of made up chronophobia but am sure its a thing.

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RB: 'comorbidity'

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RB:  i feel lost in time.

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HP: It seems to me the best stuff around is DIY stuff exactly like the comics u link to

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RB: also – trouble starting anything; trouble finishing without hard external deadlines – so me.

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RB: why i never write

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HP:  I think these are like the defining traits tbh

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RB: even tho i want/need to be writing

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RB: + procrastinating

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HP:  Comorbidity is the creepiest word

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RB: as described ^^

HP:  Same!

RB: do u medicate for it, may i ask? seems like mindfulness / meditation cld really be helpful

RB:  i had an insane year on citalopram

HP: In America they see it as essential to medicate for it from a v early age but i am like v v v skeptical

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RB: sertraline seemed better

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HP:  I took Prozac for 5 years; it didn’t do much except make me sleepy and a bit ok with shit life, but for ADHD it’s Ritalin or Vyvanse, so treatment with low constant dose of stimulants (*sometimes also something called dopamine blockers, but I don't know the details).

RB: ok; so, like coffee? just on my risky 2nd cup.

HP:  I dont myself want this prescription.

HP:  Am sure mindfulness etc v. good, but i do think body-focused methods best.

RB: ok

HP: I read this Twitter by Erynn Brook (sp?), and she advocates meds but also talks a lot about building in good coping mechanisms like how you organise yrsrlf in space/time in ways that work for u.

RB: yea; more interested in strategy

HP: So yeah strategy v. key.

RB: hey thanks so much, also in as much as i may unconsciously have posited u as gatekeeper. couldn’t have hoped for a more helpful reply.

HP: No worries! It’s good talking to other people about it cos the grand narrative of it is well shaky

HP: One thing i have worked out is that it’s all just emerging now so u can’t really gatekeep it, thank fuck. Glad to be helpful always. Check out Erynn Brook and remember being kind to yourself cos probably u havent been being if u just got to this point.

[time passes]

RB: hey, i'd really like to hear a bit more about your thinking on chronophobia;

it stayed with me as a strong motif.  felt so 'full' when you said it it took me a while to realise i hadn't asked u to describe it.

HP: Yes I would love to see you and talk about all this stuff. I have thoughts tjoughts thought ... Google searching ‘Chronophobia’ brings up this book from MIT about art in the 60s:

https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/chronophobia. It appears to be also a term in use in psychology/self help; is in wiktionary, and appears to mean the obvious: fear of the passing of time. Associations with incarcerated people, particularly, suffering from it and also anyone suffering from heightened stress and anxiety. Searching chronophobia + ADHD, there are plenty of hits, so, again, this seems a well-made connection. I’m also thinking about ‘Chrononormativity’, an idea i was first introduced to by my friend Helen Stuhr Rommereim, and which I think she gets from Elizabeth Freeman (possibly via Lauren Berlant), in relation to ‘queer time’ or a failure to achieve normative milestones in the time allotted, such as maturity, childbearing, marriage. Her paper on this is included in the documentation of a conference about Chris Kraus we both attended in 2013, which is where we met as we were on the same panel. 3

HP: Context in my work right now – all of this to do with ideas about speculation, past/present/future, chance/fate, resistance to goal/plan/target, not knowing what to do.

I’m currently doing some early/cursory research into the mythology of the fates (Ancient Greek and other cultures) as spinners, and thread as line; trying to parse linearity and how it might or might not relate to neurodivergence/neurotypicality. I like lines as a way of following or tracing, and also drawing as well as writing –thinking a lot about the work of Renee Gladman, who is interested in architecture and fiction (prose architectures), and works with drawing and writing and the relation between the two – so, also automatic and asemic writing. I also think a lot about Ariadne’s red thread in the labyrinth, and now that i am trying to learn to spin, how all threads are made of many tiny ones. This trying to spin has grown out of an old durational performance work i have done for years – so, durational performance, as a form, is part of this, maybe, for me. I always like the durational form, as it is more about setting up boundaries in space and then letting time happen than [it is about] existing in linear time. Chronophobia as anxiety about mortality, and control, or volition/agency; or the trace of subjectivity in the world (cf maybe tim ingold). Also, there are two types of time in the classical sense: Kairos (the now) and Chronos (history), or something like that.  None of this is fact-checked, I must say.Tarot cards relating to time are: wheel of fortune, temperance, death, the hanged man.

HP: Not sure i am doing this right, but thought some context to the earlier conversation might be useful for orientation, at the same time as thinking about my own self-diagnosis of ADHD and how it relates to knowledge and action and intention and access. Not sure if you saw this on my Twitter, but I thought it was a very good overview of neurodiversity discourse as it stands: https://www.janinebooth.com/content/two-and-half-cheers-neurodiversity

RB: Thanks. You’re doing this very right, I’d say.  Like somewhere back in the transcript there is a ‘gosh, yea’ of mine which stands in as a marker for the point at which my mind was blown, began to make new neural connections, bathed in a sort of speechless radiant awe for what you said; and this feels the same only more so, galaxy brain in mandelbrot – only grounded in and by your efforts to verbalise it and connect it with your work and that of others. That this is what you’re working on for your doctorate – I am awed and excited to know it. I would really like to be present when you perform.  I’m really impressed by your articulation. I feel such a relieved shock of recognition for chronophobia as you describe it, as something I had begun to acknowledge and articulate internally, but never outside myself, verbally or otherwise; nor had any inkling that it might be tangled up with ADHD ... nor that it is something other people experience or know about, nor that you are working on it in this profound way. I feel less alone and am honoured that you shared this here with us.

RB: Also – ehheh!  I saw today that we both liked this tweet

RB: Another highlight, for me, of today’s feed –

RB: I’m always keen for writers’ writing on technique, scanning in case I find a key there to my own outward articulacy and/or the means to vanquish distraction/avoidance. Just remembered when the poet Lucy Mercer said to me that as a writer, I’m a weaver. I was happy with that then and I am happy with it here, in this context. 4

HP: Hey! This is all so kind of you to say I am sort of overwhelmed. I can't believe i have even been paid for this already, so shout out to that. I made up chronophobia because  i wanted a way to describe my fear of time. I dont think it was really to talk to anyone else about it. I looked it up afterwards when I mentioned it to you I guess i have really let you have it with the inner monologue. I looked it up after I mentioned it to you. I figured that this had, you know, happened before, that other people would already be using this word. And they are. As a sort of intra-post-script, it is important to say that in terms of ADHD I came to this knowledge or understanding after like 12 years working as a private tutor, and without the students I worked with in that time I don’t see how I would have got to this articulation, so immense gratitude and respect to them for the thinking we did together about how thinking and learning work for different people.

HP: I was going to email you and ask for a deadline today but in the end i didn't write any emails because i was just spinning yarn on the wheel. It’s an amazing process learning to do it. Like a truly never-has-to-end embodied action. I think it could be the best way to replace some obsessive Twitter scrolling. My dad totally gets it. He says singing while spinning, that's the thing, he's heard. I learnt how to learn things from him mostly. I think maybe both my folks have ADHD. It’s supposed to be super heritable.

HP: My mum's a doctor. That's maybe where I get the cavalier attitude to discussing stuff like this you are supposed to be an expert to be allowed to think about. I am absolutely not an expert except perhaps of my own experience. Which this is, but but i push it, i know that. tho I don’t want the meds, I absolutely want to stress i am not like totally against meds. Chemicals are fine and good. Like coffee or you know whatever works. I am just in favour of people being given the best possible understanding of any treatment they undergo. I feel like i wanna unwind my own coping mechanisms like manually. Maybe that's a perk of late diagnosis – for me, anyway.

HP: I have to stop now. I am in a park and it’s dark now. I was sitting in the park cos i was an hour early to get a lift from my friend because i was so worried about being late. It’s perfect timing though. If you like sitting in parks watching orange street-lamps through blossom as if they are the sunset like some kinda shook moth. Which I do. And then type super fast into a phone cos you know someone asked.

HP: Thanks xx

RB: <3

RB: Thank you

1 –   https://Twitter.com/danidonovan/status/1100414551932030984

2

3 (http://www.metamute.org/editorial/books/you-must-make-your-death-public-collection-texts-and-media-work-chris-kraus )

4 mercer | ˈməːsə | noun British, chiefly historical a dealer in textile fabrics, especially silks, velvets, and other fine materials. (Oxford English Dictionary Version 2.3.0 (203.16.12))

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 2/25-2/27 - “Thar She Bombs!”

Time to cover a lot of ground in a short amount of time sweet sweet laydees! So let’s hop right into it my sweet little pumpkins!

2/25

I got to Charlottesville a little early for this show. I met up with Colby Knight to grab a burger at Citizen Burger Bar and relax. We talked about his future career in being a pilot, what it’s like to be a comedian going to a super religious school, and all the insanity that comes from going there.

The food was good and then we headed to The Southern. I got there and everything was already set up. Which was dope because I didn’t feel like doing it that night. I go to the bar and get the open mic list started. 

Comics start to file in. We end up getting about 26+ comics on the list. I can’t believe how this show has grown. When it started it used to be like 8 to 12 comics a show, and the more experienced comics would be like 10+ minutes to work on their stuff. It’s a give and take. A lot of the time I wish I was getting that amount of time again, and other times I am just loving getting to hang out with 20+ of my friends every week. 

A lot of these comics have definitely grown a lot since I met them a year or so ago. They’ve started to go to more open mics since the scene is growing, and also a few of them have started going to Richmond to get on stage more. They’ve also been doing more booked shows, and it is starting to show. They all have a super long way to go, but honestly seeing any type of development in a scene is awesome.

We don't have any drama at this show, but during Chris hosting set this female comic named KB is heckling him. She is trying to have fun, and Chris isn’t being mean to her. He is riffing with he, but he is keeping his cool. This is mainly because he vowed to quit bullying people and not bust balls as much. Which is hilarious because it is what we do. So no more BC (bully Chris) we live in the era of PC (polite Chris). So the running gag all night is I was doing a tally of how many mean things and polite things he was doing. He handles the situation and gets the piggy back show started (this is when the comedian on stage brings up the next comedian and all the host does is work the light).

Everybody is doing ok. Nothing too noticeable or memorable about the first few sets. No one is really bombing, or killing. I am seventh on the show and I have some new that I wanted to work out. The KB lady goes up a couple before me and doesn’t do well at all. It was kind of nice to see someone who was heckling not do well. It was very cathartic to me. 

I went up shortly after her and she just spent the first minute sitting in the front row talking loudly. So I used the first minute of my set just addressing it and getting her to pay attention. She eventually does and I go into my new material. Some of it did ok. Like I needed to really work out the wording, which I was able to do with some of it. The big win was I did a joke about a rapist, and that worked the best. I think it’s a good take on it, and doesn’t punch down or mock the victims. So hoping I can work it out and build it into a bigger chunk. I’d give my set a solid C. The response wasn’t what I wanted, but it was definitely one of the more productive sets I’ve had in a while.

I then spent the rest of the night just hanging out and busting balls with my friends. Some people had some good sets though. Paige did well, so did Alex, and Sam Padgett had one of the better sets I’ve heard him have. He has come a long ways, and his work is paying off. 

Fun show and a good hang. I grab my stuff, helped clean up, and headed home. 

2/26

This was going to be a fun day. The night before I had seen Beau Troxclair and asked if he wanted to get sushi with Alex and I and he said yes. So we show up at Sushi King in Richmond (all you can eat sushi/hibachi place. Great food, reasonable price.) 

We get there and we just start gorging ourselves on sushi, fried rice, steak, chicken, shrimp, etc. This is when Beau tells us that he can’t eat sushi, and he is allergic to all fish. Which seems like a thing you should mention before you go to the sushi restaurant. Either way he isn’t worried about it, he wanted to hang, and there is enough non fish on the menu that he will be fine. 

As the meal goes on we are having a great conversation about food, comedy, women, improv, and anything in between. We are trying to figure out the order we are trying to do the three open mics that night and Beau starts to get red and swell up. He is like, “yea I think there was cross contamination. I’m going to go get Benadryl.” 

So he runs out and Alex and I keep eating. Like 10 minutes goes by and I am starting to worry that Beau died on his way to his car. Right when I mention walking outside to look for him he comes in. He had to walk to a gas station to get Benadryl. The waiter comes over and is like are you ok, and Beau calmly tells him, “I'm just allergic to fish, I probably should have told you that.” The waiters face was great. This was a dope meal. 

We go our separate ways for a few hours and then I go pick up Alex and we head to City Dogs. Which will be the first mic we hit of the night. It is usually poorly attended by comics so you can get a longer set. This was not the case tonight. There was a nice little list. There was actually a table of four cville comics who came out (Colby, Abdulla, Keaton Ray, John Marg) I was super stoked and proud to see them. 

Ben Braman runs this room and let me know he had me second. I am stoked and ready to get this thing on the road. There is a nice little audience there, but they aren’t there for comedy. They’re standing right next to where we are going to perform and could care less about comedy. Beswick goes up first and goes super high energy while working out new stuff. He basically ends up screaming his closer at the stunned audience members. It was a super fun set to watch. 

I go up next and just work on new stuff. I get some laughs from a couple in the front and the comics a little. It is weird to remember that open mics aren’t even about killing at this point. This is work, and that’s what I try to do. I try to work it out. I’d give this a D+ or C-. No real audience response, but I got to try some new stuff. Alex goes next and has a pretty good set as well. His new is good and he is really putting some bows on some great material rn.

We say our goodbyes and head over to Fallout to try and go early over there as well. 

We get there and Jesse Jarvis was hosting. He had Alex and I up pretty early. We get a good hang in and the show starts. Beswick has a pretty strong set, and I went up a few after him. I did pretty well here. I’d give it a C. I kept doing new stuff and I dug up an oldie that was on the back burner about the optometrist office. It felt good to bring it back, and try some new things. The people that were there were into it and it felt good. Beau did pretty well and so did Alex. It was definitely a productive mic. 

This was the home stretch. It was time to head to Mojos for the last spot. We get there and mic was legit about to end, but he added us just in time. There was almost no one here. Going late at mojos is tough. it is basically just working on wording. I’d give my set a D. I got maybe 2 or 3 laughs and they were in weird spots. It was just me reciting them to a couple of my friends. It was a fun bomb and didn’t even feel bad because I was getting this new done.

I then said goodbye and drove Alex back to his place before heading home. A super fun and productive night full of bombs. Nights like this is what makes you a much better comic. I got 22 minutes of stage time in front of 3 tough crowds. This was invaluable. I don’t think many people other than Alex and I managed to do all 3! Sometimes the grind just feels good. 

2/28

I got the call right after work that they needed a host for The Richmond Funny Bone. Even though it was an off night and I was going to do dinner with my family I cancelled because quite frankly I need the money. So I dropped my plans (which I felt like shit about) and headed to meet Dylan Vattelana who let me know about the show in the first place. 

I first had to go renew my membership to Costco and order some contacts. I’m glad I have vision insurance, but even with that the cost of contacts is so damn much. Like it is ridiculous what I have to pay to just be able to see. Afterwards I do my fav thing at Costco and buy myself a delicious Churro. 

I meet Dylan at Rock Bottom, which is the bar directly above the Funnybone. We talk some business stuff about comedy. Tell a few street jokes, and generally have a super fun time. We talk about some of the very real anxieties I have about the Funny Bone and comedy clubs in general. He gives some good advice, and it means a lot because Dylan is one of the comics I respect the most. When I started about 4 years ago he was already established as one of the best guys in the scene and he has just built on that. He is an excellent writer, and has a drive and determination that I try to match. I love the dude and it is so cool to be able to call him a friend and a peer. 

We go downstairs and head to the club. Dylan leaves his notebook and the bartender runs after him. I riff about how ridiculous it would be if he just started acting like she did it to get his number (I have a girlfriend, what are you doing right now?” and then we head inside. 

We are greeted by the door guy Wayne and the “voice of the Richmond Funnybone” Buz “with one z”. We shoot the shit and head to the green room until James Lawson gets there. James is a dope local headliner who also gets to go on the road. He always destroys and he has material for everybody. He has always been good to me since I started and I will always appreciate that. 

We have a pretty good turnout for a Wednesday. I’d say it was a little over half full so we had about 130+. Which is solid for the middle of the week. They only have 3 servers so people are a little on edge, but overall it looks like it’s going to be a fun night.

I go up first and do some crowd work up top. Which is something I am always scared to do here, because I doubt they want their host to do crowd work. I need to do it more often. It is my greatest asset as a host and I”m dumb when I don’t utilize it. I get some super strong pops up top for my first 5 minutes. Then the mic cuts out during the next couple of minutes and I start to lose them. I then have a lady say my fly is down (which it wasn’t) and that was an awkward situation because I was dumb and didn’t go into her (I didn’t want to set an even weirder tone for the show). I need to follow my instincts. I then closed on my Angel/Devil race joke. It gets an ok reaction and I’d give this set a C-. I did my job and warmed up the crowd, but I had stuck to crowd work I think it would have been even better. 

Dylan goes up next and does well, and then after him James absolutely murders for 50+ minutes. He was in his element. He was completely at home and won those people over to a degree I can’t even imagine doing. When someone does that well in a room that makes me so anxious it is inspiring and disheartening at the same time. I can’t picture doing that well. Like legit can not fathom it. After the show I find out I get to host Thursday and Sunday for Cash Levy for sure. This is huge. I need the money and he’s a good comic. I head out and head home to get some other work done. Solid night. I got a check, got to work a club, and got a sweet hang out of it. 

That’s it for this installment. I’ll be back tomorrow my sweet apple pies. I’ve got three sets tomorrow and will be zooming all over town. I hope the shows are good, and that I can work out some of this new shit. We shall see. xoxoxo thanks again.

[hinanaha]

1-170 :)

lmfao james i swear to god

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? i wish i was 160cm cause i wanna be short and also then my weight would be healthy lmao2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) we all know i want a norwegian forest cat, and also a lizard would be cute3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? long flowing dress or skirts w blouses4: What was your favorite video game growing up? pokemon5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: my cats, what i will eat and how much a wanna be picked up and spun around one day6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? it wouldnt say anything it`d just have the crying laughing emoji like deepfried on red tape7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? u didnt say anything for this so ill state my opinion on meat which is yuck8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] none rlly fit me tbh9: Are you ticklish? yea….. 10: Are you allergic to anything? nope11: What’s your sexuality? lesbian (femme lesbian specifically)12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? coffee, tho i like all13: Are you a cat or dog person? CAT, im very picky abt dogs14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? elf15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? idk like i dont rlly watch youtube for anyone inparticular i just watch whatever16: How tall are you? 170cm17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? opal, just cause its my middle name and opals are my favourite gemstone18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] about 50kg (ik im underweight if anyone is concerned btw im fine its a sideaffect of one of my medications)19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? yes20: Do you like space or the ocean more? i love sharks and jellyfish so the ocean, however i am fucking scared of octopuses21: Are you religious? nope, never have been22: Pet peeves? men.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? why does diurnal sound like urinal, but i like the day so that24: Favorite constellation? the pot thing cause its easy to spot25: Favorite star? the biggest one there is26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? i dont rlly see much of a use for them27: Any phobias or fears? arachnophobia, and aslo the dark 28: Do you think global warming is real? um yes definitely, because im not stupid29: Do you believe in reincarnation? i mean there aint even close to enough science backing or not backing it so i couldnt say, im neutral 30: Favorite movie? idk31: Do you get scared easily? id say more anxious then scared, like im a very jumpy and shaky person32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? idk like 20+ (chickens count)33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] yes34: What is a color that calms you? peachy colours and whites35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? i would love to hike somewhere someday tbh i think itd be rlly magical, and i love nature so much36: Where were you born? Melbourne37: What is your eye color? blue grey38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? to an extent40: Hugs or kisses? both at the same time41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? honestly kinda wanna see my nan rn for some reason42: Who is someone you love deeply? definitely my mum, she is the most important person to me43: Any piercings you want? i want a nose piercing, maybe a small decorative ring44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yess i love them, i rlly want a tattoo someday45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? no i dont want to46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! i don`t have one47: What is a sound you really hate? i cannot stand the sound of animals licking themselves48: A sound you really love? wind chimes49: Can you do a backflip? i could if i wanted to50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress? ashley johnston52: Favorite movie? this was already asked lmao53: How are you feeling right now? pretty chill but also kinda sad for no actual reason54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? im feelin a burgundy colour tbh55: When did you feel happiest? nothing specific rlly56: Something that calms you down? music57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] i have ADD also p bad anxiety58: What does your URL mean? mango boba yum59: What three words describe you the most? anti-social goblin witch 60: Do you believe in evolution? i do biology so yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog? they post stuff i dont care abt or triggering content62: What makes you follow a blog? pretty picture63: Favorite kind of person: someone who makes me feel special/loved64: Favorite animal(s): cats, bees, lizards, crows65: Name three of your favorite blogs. idfk tbh66: Favorite emoticon: im not on mobile but the sparkling heart one67: Favorite meme: i dont have a favourite68: What is your MBTI personality type? Infp/intp69: What is your star sign? taurus70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no they cannot71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? pyjamas72: Post a selfie or two? icbb73: Do you have platform shoes? yes74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? i have a double jointed shoulder on one arm75: Can you do a front flip? yes76: Do you like birds? yes chirp 77: Do you like to swim? no lol it sucks i cant breath well when i swim and it freaks me out78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? ice skating, i love it, would take up lessons if they were available79: Something you wish didn’t exist: flies80: Some thing you wish did exist: giant domestic cats81: Piercings you have? just simple ear piercings82: Something you really enjoy doing: doing creative things w friends83: Favorite person to talk to: u already know its the council 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? funny mem85: How many followers do you have? 168 (i had 470 on my old blog)86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? ye but not always87: Do your socks always match? yes88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yeah89: What are your birthstones? idk90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? surprising but id be a fox not a cat91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? lavenders baby92: A store you hate? bendigo iga, its shit93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1 otherwise my hands shake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? neither tbh95: Do you like to wear camo? ii guess if it looks good96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? a pretty long time actually, once held my breath for 3 minutes underwater98: Least favorite person? my dad99: Someone you look up to: no one100: A store you love? i dont like kpop anymore, but the owners of happytown were always so nice to me so i rlly like that store because of that101: Favorite type of shoes converse102: Where do you live? austrlia103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? im vegetarian, but i eat mostly vegan food, i rlly like animals and dont like the idea of eating them, also eating too many animal products can be unhealthy 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? opal105: Do you drink milk? ye but not on its own106: Do you like bugs? yes, silly creetures107: Do you like spiders? im scared of them108: Something you get paranoid about? i dont rlly get paranoid much, but i sometimes get rlly paranoid something be watching me109: Can you draw: ye, reblog my art pls @yumeuwu110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? i cant remember lmao111: A question you hate being asked? i cant think of anything112: Ever been bitten by a spider? nope113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yeah its pretty nice114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? both i guess,  tho respectfully to their matching seasons115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: id cuddle my future gf rn :`)116: Favorite cloud type: .. w… poofy cloud117: What color do you wish the sky was? yellow would be pretty, but not piss yellow cause that`d be weird118: Do you have freckles? yea faint ones119: Favorite thing about a person: their lips, lips pretty120: Fruits or vegetables? veggies121: Something you want to do right now: sit on a warm hill in silence122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? im more of a savoury person124: Bright or dim lights? dim, sexy125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? i mean it aint impossible126: Something you hate about Tumblr: pointless discourse127: Something you love about Tumblr: nice people128: What do you think about the least? idfk129: What would you want written on your tombstone? oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? no one, but im always ready to punch something131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? im very very selfless, which is nice but also makes me rlly sad sometimes132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? nah133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? hell yeah, they fun135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? i get motion sickness136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed137: Do you believe in karma? i guess138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? probably a 7, like im p cute139: What nicknames do you have/have had? uhhh anepeace (die mr flanagan that nickname is so ugly)140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? no, not that desperate yet (no offence to those who do have them im sure ur lovely)141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? yeah i see a psychologist monthly and also psychiatrist 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? id like to say good143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? recieving144: What makes you angry? assholes145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls ;3147: Are you androgynous? nah148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: i have nice shoulders149: Favorite thing about your personality: i try to be considerate of others 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. idk151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? honestly fine w this one152: Do you like BuzzFeed? some things153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] dont have one :((154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? nah155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yea, prefer people playing w my hair tho156: What embarrasses you? anything that puts me at the centre of attention among strangers157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: loud noises158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i dont rlly tell lies so notin159: How many people are you following? i cbb to check160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 7000+161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 1162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? idfk163: Last time you cried and why: i cried cause i saw a floofy cat164: Do you have long or short hair? short hair165: Longest your hair has ever been: hip length166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? most religious views ive heard make no sense when compared to science so i dont rlly believe it167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? nah168: Do you like to wear makeup? sometimes169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no im weak170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? ye

[livinglifedrinkingwine]

Sunshine Blogger Award

This is really an honor to be nominated for an award. I want to give a special thanks to Karen Bradshaw at Themommylady85@wordpress.com who nominated me for this award on 10/17/2018. As well as a second thank you to Marta Azra at http://mischievouswordsbymartaazra.wordpress.com who also nominated me for this award on 11/12/2018. It is really appreciated that others really like my work. I can’t thank all my readers enough. Since most people I've seen get awarded a couple times and that's where it usually ends. I feel like even though it is a second nomination for me. I will still add to my post. By still answering the questions that I was asked the second time as well. Here are the rules❤️: Thank the blogger who nominated you and pop a link back to their blog in your post.Answer the 11 question which they posted for you.Nominate 11 more bloggers who you think deserve the award and create 11 new questions for them to answer.Notify your nominees. Here are the questions I was asked: What is your favorite type of foreign cuisine? I would have to say Chinese. I love to get orange chicken and of course Chinese donuts! To  top it all off with white rice makes it more of an excellent dish. What is your earliest childhood memory? Wow! This is a good one. There is so many I’m not sure which would be the earliest. I’ll have to go with when I was really little I remember climbing out of my crib and running down the hallway to see my Uncle who was visiting. I would say I was probably about two or three years old.If you could be any animal, what would you be? Usually I would say a penguin because they are my favorite animals. To be honest, I don’t like the cold so I don’t think a penguin would be a great idea. So I think I would go with a lioness. I would say a lioness because they are queens of the jungle. They obviously are mates with the lions who are the kings of the jungle. Most animals are afraid to be around lionesses because they are the predators of the jungle. Like a lioness I am the provider of the family with strong values. I don’t like to be pushed around. I spent a lot of my life being told what to do and now I know how to get passed that and be more empowering. Plus as an added bonus I think lioness are cute, like cats only bigger.Fantasy dinner guests, you can choose only five, who would they be? There are so many people that I would like to have as dinner guests. Since I can only pick five I will have to go with, first pick would have to be Leonardo DiCaprio. He is literally my all time favorite actor. He is my man crush, to me he is so hot. Second person would be Roman Reigns from WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) he is also my man crush, he is also really hot. Third person would be Nikki Bella from WWE. She has awesome style and she is one of my favorite women wrestlers. I’m actually gonna be her for Halloween at our annual Halloween party. Fourth person that I would have as my dinner guest would be Anna Kendrick, she is one of my favorite actresses, plus if I have Leo then my boyfriend would be sad that I don’t invite her. She is one of his women crushes. The fifth person that I would have as my dinner guest would be Carrie Underwood she is one of my favorite singers.Which is the most influential book you have ever read? I have to be honest I don’t read much. I have read a few books and I really like suspense and mystery books. I read a lot of those kind like, twilight that was a good series. So was Harry Potter. I guess I would have to go with Amelia Bedelia because even though she is not the brightest bulb in the socket she taught me what not to do. Of course definitely not to take anything literally.What motivates you to keep blogging on? The blogs I write tell people about my memories, what I have gone through, what keeps me going. Seeing my kids think wow this is cool mom you have your stories out there, it’s exciting. Knowing that my kids are excited about what I do and blog about motivates me. To see that my boyfriend is supporting me every step of the way, and I always know that he is the biggest fan I have out there. It truly is an award all in itself. All that motivates me. Yea I have writers block from time to time but I’m sure everyone does. That is what helps motivate me to remember something that I liked about my past that I want to write about.Would you rather be trapped in a confined space completely alone or with lots of other people that you don’t know? Well I have anxiety so for me to have people in a small space with me would really freak me out. So I will go with by myself. Only question is can I have internet, computer, my phone, and obviously food and a bathroom in there with me? That would make it even better.Name a fictional character with whom you identify most. Harley Quinn! She is sassy just like me and we don’t take any ones crap. Plus I talk to myself, well she has voices I just talk out loud my thoughts to myself that is the same difference.What fascinates you the most? I am most fascinated by really the world. I love traveling and doing things I’ve never done before or have ever been to before. It’s amazing what the world has that we probably never seen before.What three traits do you think are most important in a partner/friend/family member? Kindness I don’t like when someone is rude or mean to me. Committed, this goes towards a friend because I have lots of friends but yet I am the only one that commits to calling them trying to hang out. Yet I barley ever get that in return. Last one I would say fun to be around, I like to go out and have fun.If you could have a super power, what would it be? If I had a superpower… well I would like more than one to be quite honest. Since I can pick one I would go with being invisible. I say invisible for a lot of reasons, no one knows your there so you can sneak in different transportation and it will make it so you can travel without anyone noticing you. When I don’t want to be known in a room I can hide myself by going invisible. Now to who I am nominating for this award, who have excellent blogs and that I hope others can get to read their blogs and find them fascinating as well: 1. Family By Choice 2. Thoughts With N 3. Rebel Fish 4. Ellie Bear Escapades 5. Geraldine Talks 4. Travel to Recovery 7. Leah Saffron 8. Living as Allison 9. Bailey Leah 10. Two of a Mind 11. Diary of a Spanglish Girl Here are 11 questions that I have for you:What made you decide that you wanted to startblogging? Who/what is your inspiration? If you could meet anyone in the world who wouldit be? If you could trade places with anyone for a daywho would you be and why? What does blogging mean to you? Any exciting work that you maybe thinking aboutdoing in the future? If you could do one thing to change the worldwhat would you do? Where is your favorite place in the world? If you could bring back any celebrity who wouldyou chose and why? What is your dreams? What is your favorite tv show? Now the second set of questions I was asked by Marta Azra: What kind of music you like? I love all types of music. My all time favorite would be country. I do, however, switch back and forth between country and pop music the most.How do you manage everyday life with blogging? It is hard. I have to set aside time for me to do my blog as well as make time for myself and my family. People think oh well she must really be bored if she can find time to write. What people don't realize is that it is not that I'm bored. Writing to me is a way to express myself and show people who I really am. Most of the time I try to get my blogs done while my youngest naps. That's when it's the best time for me because it's quiet and I can think better. What is the hardest part of being a blogger? The hardest thing about being a blogger is coming up with the material, the thoughts of what to write and getting people to look at what I've written. I can blog all day but without an audience its harder to get my name out there. Also monetizing is hard to do. I can put ads up and posts about a product or a place but getting people to actually click on it and buy from it is hard to do. You can't force people to do it. At the same time that is one of the main ways that bloggers can make money from blogging.Do you have a hobby and if you do what is it? I love to sing. I've been told I have a great voice. I used to sing a lot but then I went through a bad time in my life and stopped. Now that my oldest loves to sing too, I try to sing with her and get back to doing what I love. What is your fav. Book? Man, favorite book, that is tough because I don't really read a whole lot. Probably Harry Potter series and Twilight series. Who is your fav. Blogger? I love a lot of blogs I would have to say Thoughts With N, I feel like her blogs get me. Who is your role model in life? My mom always has been my role model too. She is such a strong woman. Even though her dad died a year ago she has been hanging in there. I call her practically every day. That is something I remember my mom did with her mom. Every day she would call my grandmother. Whether she had a prose needed advice on or just to call her and talk to her. That's is what I do. My mom is not the best at keeping secrets though unless you specify not to say anything. If she is excited she seems to let it slip. But I wouldn't change anything for the world.Do you have any tips for new bloggers and what are they? Even if you feel like you want to give up just try your hardest to keep going. I sometimes feel like no one is going to read my blog but then I get a surprise when I look at my stats. Sometimes I get three views a day sometimes I get 100 but the more you write the more people will keep coming back.Share the best advice you ever got from somebody? Never give up! That is honestly the best advice I think anyone could have ever given.Do you have a book crush? And who is it? I am team Edward all the way. He is so sweet to Bella throughout the whole series.What is your biggest dream? To become a successful blogger. To show the world that I did it even when a lot of my friends and family thought I couldn't. Read the full article

[livinglifedrinkingwine]

Sunshine Blogger Award

This is really an honor to be nominated for an award. I want to give a special thanks to Karen Bradshaw at Themommylady85@wordpress.com who nominated me for this award on 10/17/2018. As well as a second thank you to Marta Azra at http://mischievouswordsbymartaazra.wordpress.com who also nominated me for this award on 11/12/2018. It is really appreciated that others really like my work. I can’t thank all my readers enough. Since most people I've seen get awarded a couple times and that's where it usually ends. I feel like even though it is a second nomination for me. I will still add to my post. By still answering the questions that I was asked the second time as well. Here are the rules❤️: Thank the blogger who nominated you and pop a link back to their blog in your post.Answer the 11 question which they posted for you.Nominate 11 more bloggers who you think deserve the award and create 11 new questions for them to answer.Notify your nominees. Here are the questions I was asked: What is your favorite type of foreign cuisine? I would have to say Chinese. I love to get orange chicken and of course Chinese donuts! To  top it all off with white rice makes it more of an excellent dish. What is your earliest childhood memory? Wow! This is a good one. There is so many I’m not sure which would be the earliest. I’ll have to go with when I was really little I remember climbing out of my crib and running down the hallway to see my Uncle who was visiting. I would say I was probably about two or three years old.If you could be any animal, what would you be? Usually I would say a penguin because they are my favorite animals. To be honest, I don’t like the cold so I don’t think a penguin would be a great idea. So I think I would go with a lioness. I would say a lioness because they are queens of the jungle. They obviously are mates with the lions who are the kings of the jungle. Most animals are afraid to be around lionesses because they are the predators of the jungle. Like a lioness I am the provider of the family with strong values. I don’t like to be pushed around. I spent a lot of my life being told what to do and now I know how to get passed that and be more empowering. Plus as an added bonus I think lioness are cute, like cats only bigger.Fantasy dinner guests, you can choose only five, who would they be? There are so many people that I would like to have as dinner guests. Since I can only pick five I will have to go with, first pick would have to be Leonardo DiCaprio. He is literally my all time favorite actor. He is my man crush, to me he is so hot. Second person would be Roman Reigns from WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) he is also my man crush, he is also really hot. Third person would be Nikki Bella from WWE. She has awesome style and she is one of my favorite women wrestlers. I’m actually gonna be her for Halloween at our annual Halloween party. Fourth person that I would have as my dinner guest would be Anna Kendrick, she is one of my favorite actresses, plus if I have Leo then my boyfriend would be sad that I don’t invite her. She is one of his women crushes. The fifth person that I would have as my dinner guest would be Carrie Underwood she is one of my favorite singers.Which is the most influential book you have ever read? I have to be honest I don’t read much. I have read a few books and I really like suspense and mystery books. I read a lot of those kind like, twilight that was a good series. So was Harry Potter. I guess I would have to go with Amelia Bedelia because even though she is not the brightest bulb in the socket she taught me what not to do. Of course definitely not to take anything literally.What motivates you to keep blogging on? The blogs I write tell people about my memories, what I have gone through, what keeps me going. Seeing my kids think wow this is cool mom you have your stories out there, it’s exciting. Knowing that my kids are excited about what I do and blog about motivates me. To see that my boyfriend is supporting me every step of the way, and I always know that he is the biggest fan I have out there. It truly is an award all in itself. All that motivates me. Yea I have writers block from time to time but I’m sure everyone does. That is what helps motivate me to remember something that I liked about my past that I want to write about.Would you rather be trapped in a confined space completely alone or with lots of other people that you don’t know? Well I have anxiety so for me to have people in a small space with me would really freak me out. So I will go with by myself. Only question is can I have internet, computer, my phone, and obviously food and a bathroom in there with me? That would make it even better.Name a fictional character with whom you identify most. Harley Quinn! She is sassy just like me and we don’t take any ones crap. Plus I talk to myself, well she has voices I just talk out loud my thoughts to myself that is the same difference.What fascinates you the most? I am most fascinated by really the world. I love traveling and doing things I’ve never done before or have ever been to before. It’s amazing what the world has that we probably never seen before.What three traits do you think are most important in a partner/friend/family member? Kindness I don’t like when someone is rude or mean to me. Committed, this goes towards a friend because I have lots of friends but yet I am the only one that commits to calling them trying to hang out. Yet I barley ever get that in return. Last one I would say fun to be around, I like to go out and have fun.If you could have a super power, what would it be? If I had a superpower… well I would like more than one to be quite honest. Since I can pick one I would go with being invisible. I say invisible for a lot of reasons, no one knows your there so you can sneak in different transportation and it will make it so you can travel without anyone noticing you. When I don’t want to be known in a room I can hide myself by going invisible. Now to who I am nominating for this award, who have excellent blogs and that I hope others can get to read their blogs and find them fascinating as well: 1. Family By Choice 2. Thoughts With N 3. Rebel Fish 4. Ellie Bear Escapades 5. Geraldine Talks 4. Travel to Recovery 7. Leah Saffron 8. Living as Allison 9. Bailey Leah 10. Two of a Mind 11. Diary of a Spanglish Girl Here are 11 questions that I have for you:What made you decide that you wanted to startblogging? Who/what is your inspiration? If you could meet anyone in the world who wouldit be? If you could trade places with anyone for a daywho would you be and why? What does blogging mean to you? Any exciting work that you maybe thinking aboutdoing in the future? If you could do one thing to change the worldwhat would you do? Where is your favorite place in the world? If you could bring back any celebrity who wouldyou chose and why? What is your dreams? What is your favorite tv show? Now the second set of questions I was asked by Marta Azra: What kind of music you like? I love all types of music. My all time favorite would be country. I do, however, switch back and forth between country and pop music the most.How do you manage everyday life with blogging? It is hard. I have to set aside time for me to do my blog as well as make time for myself and my family. People think oh well she must really be bored if she can find time to write. What people don't realize is that it is not that I'm bored. Writing to me is a way to express myself and show people who I really am. Most of the time I try to get my blogs done while my youngest naps. That's when it's the best time for me because it's quiet and I can think better. What is the hardest part of being a blogger? The hardest thing about being a blogger is coming up with the material, the thoughts of what to write and getting people to look at what I've written. I can blog all day but without an audience its harder to get my name out there. Also monetizing is hard to do. I can put ads up and posts about a product or a place but getting people to actually click on it and buy from it is hard to do. You can't force people to do it. At the same time that is one of the main ways that bloggers can make money from blogging.Do you have a hobby and if you do what is it? I love to sing. I've been told I have a great voice. I used to sing a lot but then I went through a bad time in my life and stopped. Now that my oldest loves to sing too, I try to sing with her and get back to doing what I love. What is your fav. Book? Man, favorite book, that is tough because I don't really read a whole lot. Probably Harry Potter series and Twilight series. Who is your fav. Blogger? I love a lot of blogs I would have to say Thoughts With N, I feel like her blogs get me. Who is your role model in life? My mom always has been my role model too. She is such a strong woman. Even though her dad died a year ago she has been hanging in there. I call her practically every day. That is something I remember my mom did with her mom. Every day she would call my grandmother. Whether she had a prose needed advice on or just to call her and talk to her. That's is what I do. My mom is not the best at keeping secrets though unless you specify not to say anything. If she is excited she seems to let it slip. But I wouldn't change anything for the world.Do you have any tips for new bloggers and what are they? Even if you feel like you want to give up just try your hardest to keep going. I sometimes feel like no one is going to read my blog but then I get a surprise when I look at my stats. Sometimes I get three views a day sometimes I get 100 but the more you write the more people will keep coming back.Share the best advice you ever got from somebody? Never give up! That is honestly the best advice I think anyone could have ever given.Do you have a book crush? And who is it? I am team Edward all the way. He is so sweet to Bella throughout the whole series.What is your biggest dream? To become a successful blogger. To show the world that I did it even when a lot of my friends and family thought I couldn't. Read the full article