#and y'all too! (Im not one to start conversations much but I can take initiative if needed!)

[cregansdingdong]

imagine cregan and y/n breaking the bed one night just because of his sheer strength and muscle whilst pounding her, ik the conversation with the winterfell wood crafter would be awks as hell afterwards whilst asking for it to be repaired 😇😇

IM HAVING A PROPHETIC VISION, ANON.

At this point, Cregan and his boo thang are just going to have to become familiar with the man. There is no other option, because your choices are either to have this embarrassing conversation a multitude of times with multiple woodcrafters or just one. Because if y'all think this is a one-time thing, you are terribly mistaken.

Cregan is a very passionate person in bed, regardless if he's on top or not. He wants to make sure the two of you are satiated—that does mean the bed will snap like a twig under a boot i dont make the rules i just work here. Personally, I find the actual deliverance of the bedframe to be the most mortifying. Firstly, that big ass broken bed has to be dismantled and removed, if it's not fixable, which takes manpower, and then the new one brought into the Great Keep and put together. Otherwise, the woodcrafter is going to have to make a house call and show up with his tools and planks, walking toward your marital chambers which is embarrassing too :)

ɴᴏᴛ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ. (thoughts ver.)

NSFW stuff under the cut. 18+ only. I'm not responsible for the content you choose to consume. ty.

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

That familiar groan under his weight should've been the first warning sign, but Cregan was too distracted to notice. He was lapping at her pretty cunt, tongue delving as deep as he could go and as thorough as he could be without the motions being too unsteady. Alright maybe he did notice initially, but the thought was very quickly shoved to the back of his mind—especially when his pretty wife was trying to rock herself onto his nose, letting out the most quiet of whimpers muffled by their sheets. His ears were focused on her and her only.

With her pearl rubbing against his bridge and his cock feeling so strained in his trousers, no one could really blame him for forgetting about the delicate state of the bed in an instant. Last time they’d gotten particularly frantic in their lovemaking, there had been a low snap somewhere beneath the mattress, a taunt that he was probably too hefty to be moving so much. But winter was coming, a man’s gotta eat…in more ways than one.

By the time he’d recalled they should begin to take it easy on the bed, he was already balls deep behind her, hands gripping the flesh of her ass like a lifeline. He was suffocating in the best way, cock nestled inside, fogging his brain with nothing but instinct. And then she started begging. By then, well, he decided they needed a new bed anyway—six moons wasn’t too bad. Lasted longer than the previous replacement. Three harsh, unrelenting spanks bloom red on her backside as she squeezes around him, sending his blood pumping to the beat of an imaginary war drum. It would be a miracle from the Gods if she wasn’t pregnant by mid-summer. Cregan just couldn’t help himself.

Rutting against her like a man starved, the right side of the bed almost completely collapses, caving in and nearly throwing him off balance. His wife gasped, pleasure momentarily halted as she looked back at him. “Again? Seriously? I told you to write to him last time, did you?” The answer was no, no he did not. “It might have…slipped…my mind.” He murmured, trying to ignore the throbbing in his full balls. They had a silent conversation of glares and a sheepish grin. Then she concedes. “...We might as well finish then. I doubt it can get any worse.”

It could, actually. And it did. He came hard some twenty minutes later, pounding their hips together with a steady desperation. The dip of the broken side was a little annoying, but manageable. Without the support, the right beams of the canopy end up falling right down. No one was harmed, of course. It was only drapes. Cregan found it almost comical but his wife did not. It was going to be a long letter.

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

[bitingcatshark]

BestFriendSimon Riley x Femreader NSFW content mentioned

< Distance >

Chapter 1

(Bit of context, this is inspired by an interaction I had with my crush, and AHHSHDHSHSJSJDN yes anyway enjoy y'all lovies <3)

The past few weeks were the same. Pointless interactions with peers, the usual bump-ins with acquaintances at the grocery store, a constant flicking of the wrist to check the notification bar on your phone, hoping for that one name to pop up on the screen. To be honest, it's been keeping you on edge as of recent. Ever since the video call, you couldn't help but get nervous whenever your best friend, Simon, sent you a message. You've been friends for quite a while now, meeting through online interactions, ever since then you both just seemed to click. Until that one fateful night, Simon, the big guy who didn't like talkin' too much, went out for a few drinks with his team. You haven't heard much of these friends of his, only hearing them in the background laughing whenever you called Simon, with a few, "shut the fuck up Soap"'s.

And on that night he got a bit too drunk for his own good. Calling you in the middle of the night, beggin' for something more. Switching over to video call, portraying that hunk of a body of his, and the noticeable buldge in his pants, pleas falling from those scarred lips to help his poor soul. "Please, it hurts luv'. I can't- can you please help me," as he slowly undid his pants. So you did. Although all of it felt wrong, something tingled in places you haven't felt in a long time. What could you lose from this? He was just a friend. 'Just a friend'. Just someone you met online. Pulling your bra off for him, displaying your breasts, having the poor guy practically beg for more, putting his length on display, calloused hands rubbing with desperation to release itself from the pain. "Please, please, luv'. I can't take it any longer." The sight left you in awe to say the least, so you gave him a show that he'd never forget. Nonetheless he finished, and passed out..for quite some time.

Weeks passed and Simon didn't talk much about that night. Rather he seemed almost embarrassed, avoiding too much conversation with you, heading straight into work, or to bed.

"Good morning, Im heading to work, talk later."

"Good night, hope you had a good day."

It left a bitter taste in your mouth to say the least. Because you, as the person you are, ended up catching feelings after that night. So the way he avoided your texts or kept it short, kind of broke your heart. So you thought it for the best to do the same.

You couldn't help but grow more upset about the messages, the empty promises of calls, being left on delivered for hours. It started feeling like perhaps he..replaced you. But being hardheaded as you are, you confronted him about it. Calling him right there and then, making sure he'd pick up. Feeling heavy in your heart.

"Hey, how are you?-"

"Shut it, you ought to start explaining yourself."

"There's nothin' to explain."

"Tell me then why you have seemingly just, disappeared? We hardly talk anymore, we hardly call. Why are you acting like this ever since.."

"Because it was a mistake. A big fukin' one. I don't normally act like that and I overstepped a fuckin' line. I shouldn't have asked you for that. You didn't deserve that."

You could hear him sigh across the phone.

"I was, ashamed to face you, thinking you'd hate me."

Changing strats.

"Simon..you know, I just really wanted some advice, and since you're a guy..there's some guy I really like."

Some silence followed. Almost sounded like a grunt came through.

"Now who's this wank stain supposed to be? And don't back out of it, you mentioned it so now I want to know."

You beat around the bush for as long as you could. But Simon was hardheaded. (And no we're not talking about his peni-)

"Well, his first initial starts with, uhm, shit. Starts with..fuck, this is hard."

"Can't be that hard. C'mon. You can do it."

"It starts with an 'S'."

His tongue clicked. Hopefully he was oblivious. You started regretting your life's choices. Hasta la vista-

"I think I maybe know who this guy could be. Let me send a picture."

And oh shit he wasn't as oblivious as you thought. There bright on your screen you opened the picture and it was the one and only, 'Simon Riley.'

F u c k. Pretty sure he could hear how hard you had to swallow.

"That's, uhm, yes, that's him..! Do you, perchance, know this guy?"

"I kind of do actually." He scoffed. "Seems like a pretty sweet guy if you ask me."

"Ah yes but..I surely do wish I could talk to him more, get to know him even more. Do you think he'll..like someone like me?"

Simon was quiet for a moment. Contemplating perhaps. Maybe afraid to answer. But he finally breaks the silence after what seemed like ages, and oh gosh did you become giddy.

"I think he'd be a pretty lucky lad if he had someone like you, but he's a bit stupid for his own good."

"Well, he's a lucky lad then, because I love stupid big boys."

You could almost hear him smile behind the screen. But even you couldn't hold back your own smile, cheeks hurting.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello sex witch! I hope i am not disrespectful or annoying in sending this ask. Im a mid 20s straight dude who has never had any sexual experience, and i know people constantly say that it doesnt define me, that i shouldnt base my self worth on that, but the fact is it is incredibly alienating to be an adult who simply does not participate in what for most people seems to be a normal part of adult life. I want to have sexual experiences, but at this point im afraid i am like… too broken to start? Like who would want to initiate a sexual experience with someone like me yknow? I guess im asking for advice in how to overcome this kind of thing and begin having a sex life. Even if you can’t provide much advice, I’m hoping that if you post this, maybe other people in my situation will feel a little less alone. Love and light to you <3

hi anon,

this isn't disrespectful or rude at all, and I'm glad you're willing to reach out for advice about this! I often worry that I'm missing the 20-something straight dude demographic, but I'm glad to know some of y'all are out there, because you deserve compassionate conversations about sex as much as everyone else does :)

I'm gonna say this right up front: you're not broken. nobody is! whenever you find yourself worrying that there's something about you that would make any potential partner go running, I want you to imagine the situation were reversed. if a woman you were attracted to told you something about herself that was the same thing you're ashamed of in yourself, would you stop being attracted to her?

in this case, would it be a dealbreaker for you that someone else hadn't had any previous sexual partners? would you think they were broken and unfuckable, or would you see that as just one aspect of a person who's much more than their sexual history?

if you wouldn't feel negatively about a partner having that trait then I'm sorry, you're not allowed to hate it in yourself! them's the rules!

listen: very rarely does a person pick a sexual partner because of their extensive sexual resume. people connect over shared interests, over similar senses of humor and values, over bonds that can be formed in a second if the vibes are right. most people won't care how many other partners you've had; they'll care if you seem interesting and dynamic and worth getting to know more in a carnal manner.

listen: ultimately, you have very little control over whether or not you have sex. it's largely a matter of luck and coincidence unless you feel like paying someone to have sex with you, which is a fine thing to do - sex workers need to make rent, after all. but what you can control is how you show up in the world, how you express yourself, and how you interact with others. cultivate yourself. dedicate time to your interests, take loving care of yourself, learn to do things that make you happy without shame, practice being a good friend and conversational partner, take risks that let you have fun outside your comfort zone.

in short, focus on the areas of your life that you can control rather than dwelling on the ones dictated so heavily by chance. the best case scenario is that you become the sexiest, most interesting person alive; the worst case scenario is that you enjoy life more fully whether you have a partner or not.

also, hey: for what it's worth, studies pretty consistently find that most people tend to WILDLY overestimate the amount of sex that other people are having while considering themselves below average. the truth is that you're unlikely to be nearly as much of an outlier as you worry that you are.

[dsmpkinfessions]

Hi, howdy! I dunno if I should be making a mod introduction? Are we allowed sentience as a blog? Who's to say. But you know what I'm gonna do it anyway getting kicked out before I start to work, day 1, let's go-

I'm Mod Rat and my mod tag is ✍️🐀! I kin Ranboo and Karl so double memory issues for the win, am I right?

Soooo yeah! I'm gonna start work on cleaning up the 'other smp blogs' at the moment as a lot of them lead to dead ends or 'non-existent blogs' as of now but if anyone wants to be added or a url has changed please let us know!! [this has been accomplished!]

Also w o w the ask box is backed up on this blog- as in it'll take a week to get to the more recent stuff that's in response to the older stuff. Honestly I'm debating if we should close it for a lil bit (just for less than a week not forever!) because there's a large gap between people responding to other people's kinfession and its messy-. Then there'd be a bit of sanity between the large gaps between kinfession. Lemme know what y'all think about that one though and the other mods too, lemme know!

nd yeah! That's it. If anyone has a link to the discord maybe send it in an ask as I currently don't have the link to give out to people who want it (I also want in-) and let me know about the mcfeckin,,,,temp ask box closing thingy! Yeah that! Have a good time!!

[morimallow]

NSFW Alphabet (Suna Rintarou)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Not the best but at least? He's very very gentle with his actions because he knows you're still sensitive. If he's feeling a little more affectionate, you might receive an open-mouthed kiss or two. He always plants a kiss on your forehead after sex— it's like putting a cherry on top or adding finishing touches because he considers you beautiful and all.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Although he uses his whole upper body to manipulate blockers in volleyball, he loves his hips. That moment of satisfaction when he hears you moan the time he slams back into you. HE LOVES YOUR BACK. The way it forms a beautiful dip during dog style, the way it reminds him you're so fucking sexy. His hands are always on your back and/or behind your thighs. Ugh.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Creampie. Creampie. Creampie. Creampie. Creampie. Doesn't stop until your hole is filled and covered with his cum. Likes the sound of your skin slapping, sound way more lewd because of his sticky cum. When he's kinda rough, he likes to coat his fingers with his cum and make you lick it clean because he's nasty like that.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not just a secret of his but with the twins. The twins caught Suna humping on a volleyball in the storage room. That was one time when you stopped by the gym to check on him. You wore your knee-high socks that was hidden until that day because you ran out of clean socks. He had to make a deal with the twins because they'll never stop teasing him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Ugh, he knows his ways, his angles, his measurements, HE KNOWS THE ENTIRE MATHEMATICS. HE KNOWS YOUR ANATOMY. Let's all agree he has an average-sized dick but.. man, does he know how to put it to good use. I don't know his ways but he manages to his your spot every fucking time and you're just busy screaming his name and telling him you feel so good.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

What was it again..? The one when you ride his pretty cock with your back facing him. Back to letter B, he loves this position because a.) he can see your full back and b.) he can take control over your movements with the snap of his hips.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He pours his emotions into having sex with you if you are his lover. His thoughts are just: I should make them feel loved, I'm gonna give them my best performance. Post-orgasm goofiness! Likes to tease you too. Like, “Baby, what was that sound you made when I fucked you so good? Did you purr for me, pretty baby?”

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He only has thin strands of light brownish pubes so he doesn't shave often! If you prefer no pubes then he'd shave because you give the best blowjobs. You kinda like the way his pubes lightly tickle the area around your hole though..

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Sucker for open-mouthed kisses to show his affection. He kisses you from your nape to your tailbone, doesn't matter if you're the one moving or him. INTERTWINING. HANDS. FINGERS. LEGS. He wants to hold you close. Remember, yeah? The reverse position? He'd hug you from behind, start pounding into you as he places his kisses. jfkekfjsjd im so weak for him

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Jacks off when he's horny and you're not within his reach or not in the mood. He'd slowly trace the popping veins of his dick as he sets his image of you in his head. Then, he'd massage his balls, creeping up his cock until he plays with his tip. Would totally muffle his low moans.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Y'all.. squirting and laces. Loves the idea that he can make you squirt and make a mess above or under him. And laces.. it just looks perfect on your skin, makes it more delectable and prettier.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Good ol'classic bed (prefers the one in your childhood bedroom), the doorway, and your bigass-not-tainted window. Don't ask me, this is just my fantasy.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You squirting and queefing, your moans, the way you squeeze his cock good.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Spitting (don't fight me on this one), wax play, anything that might harm your skin but he's fine with hickeys and slap marks, hmmmmm.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

HE LOVES LICKING YOUR FOLDS LIEK— the fact that you can get off just with his mouth makes him ugh. The way your thighs contract as he grazes his teeth around your pussy. Hmm, he's most sensitive at the base. He'd either fuck your face the moment you suck his dick whole or let you have it your way, he'd still cum inside your mouth anyway. 11/10, best in oral.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

THE DUALITY OF THIS MAN MAKES ME WANNA GO FERAL. JGKEKJFJWND. He's usually fast and rough with a sprinkle of degradation but there are also moments he wants to take his time. He wants to appreciate every inch of your body, making sure he gives enough attention to each. He'd have a twitching cock dribbling with pre-cum but his whole focus is to make you feel good and loved, to make you reach your orgasm. This man can be so sweet at times. Sighs.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Y'all.. this is a big yes for him. Not frequent though! Just when he feels like railing you inside the dressing room or in a certain bar VIP lounge.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Always down as long as he's also interested! He was the one who initiated the ride-my-face, hoho. A little peek of curiosity of your kinks is enough for him to help you confirm that kink. RISKS? WHAT ARE THOSE? He'd command you to not wear underwear because he plans to fuck you in your reserved private restaurant booth.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Three to five rounds. I won't elaborate further, your honor. I rest my case.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

HE BUYS TOYS FOR YOU. He bought the Sailor Moon set of dildos, not knowing what the fuck is Sailor Moon. He just thought it's pretty. He imagined it using on you because you wanted to have a threesome without having a third party and damn, did he make that possible and mind-blowing. Also, kind of a wide range of vibrators to pleasure his favorite baby while going for a morning run.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

BIGGEST TEASE. EDGING. EDGING. EDGING. UNTIL YOU BEG HIM TO JUST PLEASE LET YOU CUM AND CREAM ON HIS COCK. He'd rail you until you scream that you're cumming and he's out of your hole then teases your entrance with his cum from the last round.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Low.. sexual.. hot.. groans.. gets u pregnant... im out.. have u heard his voice.. fucking.. hot..

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Often puts his hand inside his pants or yours or inside your shirt and just plays with your nipples while he sends a text to Osamu or whoever.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

The body of a swimmer.. yes. He's not too ripped. He got the right amount of muscles and fats and muscles, muscles, muscles. Lean torso, omg. And his dick.. pretty cock of his. Perfect length, perfect shade. HE'S SO BEEFY.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He! Rarely! Initiates! Having! Sex! Oh, but he often initiates make-out sessions but it's always up to you if you want to fuck or not. He can take care of himself, yes, but thinks it's better to take care of each other's needs, uwu. He's always down to having sex though. *eyes*

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He falls asleep during or after your post-sex conversation after he has cleaned you up. Salty bae so tired making you both feel pleasure. Ugh, he's good.

Here is Suna's Fluff Alphabet!

M. List

[shaechans]

dream! reaction

group: nct dream (ot7)

desc: someone flirting with their s/o!

genre: fluff and angst????? 

word count: 1.1k

a/n: lmao lmao i remember writing this last year and drafted it cause it was too cringy puke but now i have gained a tiny bit of confidence and let’s see maybe i might be able to post some more in the future!! y’all can request. also, this is pretty short but i hope y’all like it anyway<33 also random gifs sooooo yay! also also i have so much to say im so sorry i tried to make this as gender neutral as possible so please let me know if i need to change something, i would like everyone to enjoy!!

lee mark

usually, in your relationship, mark is pretty mature (which means you be wildin and he's always there to control your ass). that also means that he's real protective of you and is basically a second mom to you. so when he saw that dude actually picking up guts to talk to you while he was literally standing next to you in the mcdonalds queue, oh was he pissed! although, he would try to keep his chill, which did not exactly work by the way you would end up trying to calm him down. he would start by sending off cold and sharp glares at the dude while wrapping a protective arm round your waist, completely violating his pda rule. with mark's stares striking his soul, the guy was soon gone, with which mark heaved out a relieved sigh.

“babe you need to stop being so pretty. it's not helping me in anyway!”

huang renjun

this boy is already damn whipped for you, even if he acts all annoyed and shit, that's all the loving he's giving (so you better fucking accept or there's gonna be a gun to your head). when he first saw that dude acting up all over you and flirty he would activate his over protective switch and turn all manly and serious. renjun pure baby boy lasted long anyway. as soon as he walked over to the very uncomfortable you, he'd make sure the boy fled taking in his cool and broad shoulder exterior. after the guy wasn't in his sight anymore, renjun would mutter a few curse words, only heard by you and wrap you in his arms, making sure to have you pampered by him and never letting you leave his line of sight.

“thatʼs right, you better make a move before my gangster shoulders do.”

lee jeno

BABY BABY BABBY BABY-

being already very vEry over protective boyfriend he is, the guy flirting with you better think twice. jeno absolutely hates when he sees you talking to a someone that is a not him. you better damn expect him to be pretty much raging when he saw this one dude's hand on your leg while you were seated next to some fountain waiting for jeno's arrival. without wasting a second, he would rush over and stand behind the guy, fumes very evidently leaving his ear holes. ʻiʼm sorry but who do you think you are touching her like that?ʼ he would start to question, startling the guy in front of him. when he saw you heave a huge sigh of relief and rush to his side, he would feel so guilty for not reaching there sooner and grabbing the jerk by his shoulders, he would shove him away. after he calming down a little, he would pull you into a hug and never leave your touch for the rest of the year.

“oh my god baby i'm so sorry for leaving you here alone with that asshole.”

lee donghyuck

now this boy is already super cocky and shit so you'd expect him to take this whole situation as a joke. but hell no you nasties. hyuck's much more than just a jokester. he's a great boyfriend and so if he ever witnessed a scene like this, it'd make him feel quite disappointed with himself, saying that he's never there for you and stuff like that. anyway, seeing you trapped in a somewhat alley that your house stood on, almost at a dead end, a disgusting man trying to have you appealed by him, he would never just stand there shocked. donghyuck would probably do the unexpected and punch him square in the face. rethinking the situation you got into, a few tears would appear at his eyes while you pulled him into a hug, comforting him.

“no one else is allowed to touch you or i will so not spare them!”

na jaemin

jaemin's already super head over heels for you that you cannot count the number of heart eyes he gives you. so when he saw to have a ʻconversationʼ with a dude not him, you'd expect him to feel really sad and upset. at first he thought he was a close friend that you were happily catching up when he took in the look on the guy's face. although when his eyes flickered toward your quite uncomfortable expression, he would make his move as to save you from the discomfort. marching over to where you stood, he would wrap both his arms around your waist, placing a quick kiss to your cheek, looking up at the guy asking

“so what were y'all talking about babe?”

zhong chenle

chenle is that boyfriend who is always super delighted at your presence and again, super whipped for you. he may not be the person to step up or initiate stuff but if it's for you then consider it done and there's a very limited amount of stuff you can deny coming from him. so when chenle had come with the idea of stepping out of the house for a small walk, you could never ever deny (and don't you dare!). so while walking, chenle decides to get ice cream and leaves you by yourself on a bench, when some boy around your age shows up with his dog and bad flirting skills. while so intrigued by the little poodle, you hardly payed attention to the guy so when chenle showed up all angry, to say that you were puzzled would be an understatement. not able to say much before the boy got dragged away by his pup, chenle was quite relieved he didn't have to test his muscles. although, he still wanted to let you know that he would risk it all for you, even his five minute work out energy.

“i'm so sorry for dragging you here only to be flirted with some dog man, ugh! here's some ice cream though<33”

park jisung

jisung is that boyfriend who seems to be pretty shy and embarrassed by literally everything you do (damn it y/n). not only that, he may be a little insecure as well as he sees a heap of good looking korean boys his age everyday. afraid to lose someone as precious as you, he would at times join in the weirdness with you like how chenle taught him. anyway, despite his insecurity being at peak lately this random dude from your class decides to ruin everything and bring his levels to a max. whilst flirting, jisung would overhear the conversation thinking that you would flirt actually back. this suddenly him and he would distance himself from you. so you were surprised to not find jisung and when you eventually did, he was crying (poor baby). so of course you comforted him saying that you loved him only and there was no way you were flirting back there with stupid han gongjoo.

“so you still like me?”

[andreils-keys]

kay so ive been taking prompts from my instagram and

why would you tell me not to kill one and if i do to bring him back please you’re taking all the joy out of writing >:(

anyways lets get into it <3 (tw: small mention of domestic abuse)

(disclaimer yes i am a kandreil shipper :))

andrew is cursed in the same way blue was sort of where if he tells someone that he loves them they’ll die (yes i changed it a bit)

but instead of doing the whole 'you're cursed zap magic' thing (bc i don't think it'd fit very well in the aftgverse) im gonna try something else             

andrew had some pretty shitty foster homes when he was young

but the worst one was a small house by a family-owned ice cream shop

he remembers the ice cream shop very vividly. it was where he went when his foster mother was out working or drinking. it was where he went to feel safe.

he was pretty young, maybe 4 ? 5 ? impressionable. in that stage where santa claus and the boogie man were real, where hiding under a blanket protected you from nightmares. (he learned pretty quickly that hiding under the blanket did not protect you from anything.

he was bashed and battered with fists and words, words that cursed his very being and proclaimed that to love him was to die.

he was so young

he was only a child

and he did what children do best

he believed        

there was a time when he doubted

another foster parent, a run down house made beautiful with love and mismatched furniture

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

finally, he let himself love

he let his foster mother in, little by little, and he thought: maybe im not a curse

and he said: i love you

the day after, she died in a car crash

the car brutalized

her body brutalized

his heart brutalized

coincidence? he says out loud at the entrance of another foster home. because it needs to be said. because lies always become crystal clear when said out loud.      

bc of this he's never directly expressed love for anyone and he tends to distance himself from people just to make sure there's 0 risk of him causing someone's death

but if he does care for someone he shows this through actions (no i love yous because that's what he believes caused his foster mothers death)            

he's always had people he's cared about, people he's wanted to protect and keep safe

but ever since the car crash, hes never had anyone hes wanted to say i love you to     

until     

[enter kevin day]         

the first person that consumed him was kevin, the boy that sought him out in high school with desperation in his eyes, raving about a sport that had made andrews days in juvie a little more bearable. 

the man that always appeared on television with a cardboard smile stamped onto his face, always a step behind riko moriyama, always hiding in his shadow.

the man that inexplicably made yet another appearance in andrews life, this time with a shattered hand and a plea for help.

the man that pushed and pulled andrew just enough to get him through another day, another week.        

and then neil, so different from kevin and yet so alike, as sudden as a gunshot, as tantalizing as death. 

the boy that's as invested in riko and kevin as andrew is. 

the boy that is impenetrable and distrusting, the boy that lets no one in. 

at first andrew thinks he's safe. as long as neil doesn't let anyone in, that means andrew won't have to let him in. and kill him.

aha sike. turns out neil is the trusting-no-one-but-andrew-minyard-and-kevin-day type           

the three of them form a twisted complicated pyramid; each side leaning against the other two. immovable. strong. inseparable, unless andrew deliberately pushes himself away when the feeling ballooning in his chest is too much.

(although he will always get pulled back in. the gravity of neil and kevin is too strong for andrew to stay away.)

he promises to protect them because that's what he does for the people he cares about.

but falling in love is a whole other ball game.

andrew is so afraid.

afraid to love them, afraid to let them in.

he knows he can't allow it; every time he thinks of how much he feels for them, he remembers the car, the shattered windows, the pieces of glass tipped with blood.

but andrew is only human.

even if he tells himself not to fall in love, the heart and body tend to ignore the mind.

he let’s himself be selfish

the hard press of kevin's lips against his, the gentle tug of neils fingers threaded through his hair, a hand clamped against neils neck and the other gripping kevin's arm.

that is all andrew allows

he doesn't mind if kevin and neil go gallivanting off somewhere on their own (s a f e l y; if those idiots get taken by the yakuza it would be extremely inconvenient for andrew)((andrew: dammit now i have to save them from the mafia nicky: you don't have t- andrew: no im gonna)), even if it prods unpleasantly at a sensitive point in his heart. if they're happy, hes happy. 

(well, not quite happy. satisfied is the proper word. and he supposes that's the most he can ask for.)       

he doesn't tell them about the nightmares. the dreams of fire and blood and twisted metal, of fists and a curse and a small, dark room. more often than not neil will wake to find andrew sliding out of his bunk and going to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream.

neil won't pry, but he'll wake kevin and they'll join andrew in the kitchen, standing on the other side of the counter from andrew with their shoulders pressed together, a reminder to each other and andrew that they are there for each other.         

and then neil disappears. like a dream. like smoke. 

andrew took his eyes off neil for one second, and neil vanished in the crowd of angry fans.

they search and search but neil is gone.

all they find is neils exy racket lying on the ground in pieces, broken from the stampede of fans.

andrew whispers, the words dredged from a desperate, vulnerable place inside him: i love you. neil, i love you. come back to me. come back to kevin. come back to us.     

the next day, the fbi tells them that they found neils gym bag. it was covered with tire tracks and spattered with blood.

they couldn’t find neil.    

and the pyramid falls.

the grief and guilt and heartbreak andrew feels is unparalleled. never has he felt so broken. never has he felt so dirty. he did this. he did this.

kevin insists neil is still alive. lost and floating, but alive

but andrew knows better.

his nightmares get worse. sprinkled in with the mauled car and heavy fists is a shattered exy stick, a gym bag dripping blood, an unreachable figure with red hair and a slash of a smile.

andrew spirals. 

he refuses to speak to anyone. even kevin. he'll stay with kevin and press his palm into the side of kevin's neck, his pulse grounding andrew and keeping him in the here and now, but he will not speak.    

cabeswater brought gansey back right and i feel like the one closest to magic would be renee (thank you neils jortventures fairy magic huzzah) except she doesn't use magic. 

so remember how she was affiliated with a gang when she was young 

there was a member of the gang that continued to reach out to her, especially once they escaped from the gang a little after renee did

renee did respond to their messages, but she tried not to initiate conversation because they were part of her old life and she was living and loving her new one. 

essentially she was nice enough not to cut them out completely. 

unfortunately the kid got caught up in another gang that was closely associated with the butcher of baltimore

when nathan dies they text renee about how their gang is in pieces because the butcher is dead. 

renee isnt there to receive the message right away (she and andrew were sparring, as they were keen to do now that neil was gone and andrew was out of sorts) and kevin is the one to catch the word butcher when the notification pops up

he scrambles for renees phone and sees: the butcher is dead.

he is so relieved because the butcher, the man kevin always had to fear and avoid, is dead

and then he starts to think

neil’s father was the butcher. does this have something to do with neil? was the butcher the one that took neil? if the butcher is dead, does that mean neil is still alive?

it’s a bit of a stretch, but kevin is willing to believe anything if it means that neil is alive

he tells andrew

he doesn't expect andrew to do anything but he still wants to tell him, just so that andrew will know, just so that kevin himself can taste the words.

kevin asks renee if they can reach out and she's like wtf y'all doing going through my phone but she understands how hard it hit them, andrew especially, and if it'll help them she'll go along   

they meet up with the kid

renee seems nice enough, but andrew can tell how strained she is by the way she keeps cracking her knuckles one by one

they get the info from the kid about a red haired blue eyed cut up burned kid

kevin is distraught about the cut up burned part

andrew is close to vomiting from a whirlwind of relief (they never said he was dead) and denial and fear for neil

he refuses to get his hopes up; he said the cursed words. he saw the blood on neils’s gym bag. he saw the shattered exy stick. (or was that a dream? his nightmares and reality are so tightly interwoven he can hardly tell what's real)

the kid warns kevin and andrew that the last time they saw neil was in the basement and that the probablity of him still being there is relatively low

kevin makes a sort of impatient gesture at the kid and they bring kevin and andrew to the house (renee stays behind; she made a lame excuse about needing to make a phone call but she just wanted to give them space, either to reunite with neil or grieve their loss a second time)

from the outside, it’s a nice looking house and it doesn’t look threatening in the least, but andrew knows how deceiving appearances can be

once they go inside everything is in shambles. the couch overturned, the tv screen cracked in multiple places, ceiling plaster and pieces of porcelain all over the counters and dining table

the kid points them to the basement

kevin is the first to go down

andrew is surprised mainly because kevin is usually always so careful

andrew follows more warily, afraid to find nothing, afraid to find neil; afraid to have his heart broken all over again, afraid of the prospect that he has wasted his entire life living a lie.

he reaches the basement to find kevin wrapped around a small beat up, bruised, burnt, and shivering lump.

neil is hurt and bloody, and it drives a stake through andrew’s heart, but the fact that neil is breathing and alive alive alive causes a different kind of pain, the unique pain of relief and sorrow and love swirled together.

kevin is stroking neils hair and very obviously trying not to have a panic attack and andrew goes to them

sits down

both kevin and neil look up at him, and andrew watches as some of the fear and pain in their eyes fades.

he can feel the words bubbling up and he wants to say them, to scream them, but they are stuck inside his throat, twisted around his tongue.

it is a language andrew has taught himself to unlearn.

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

it’s even easier when you have two people behind you, people who have seen what you have seen, people who make an effort to understand you.

andrew eventually does say it.

the words, no longer cursed, are still clumsy and fall in a messy jumble at his feet

but there they are, light as a cloud, heavy as a storm:

i love you

[dangan-happy]

i love sakura... oh, and i love sakura

this is to sayaka and hiyoko, i just wanted to tell you two that i love you both so much and i appreciate anything and everything y'all say to me

recently, my partner of eight months broke up with me, and ive been taking it pretty hard, to be honest. i loved them more than anything in the entire world, and for the longest time, i thought they loved me, too. our relationship started out great and nothing made me happier than texting them. it was a little hard to adjust since i don't get into long distance relationships very often, so the lack of physical affection took a bit of a toll on me, but it was okay because we were there for each other in any way we could be.

i tried my hardest to be a good girlfriend for them. i felt loved at the start of our relationship, but over time, they became less and less affectionate with me. i started to always find myself texting first, id initiate calls or basically anything we did together really, and they never really seemed to care about what i had to say or what was important to me. i tried to talk about this and tell them how i felt and how it was hurting me, but conversations like that never seemed to go anywhere. it was always empty apologies without change, and id buy it and drop it every single time.

ill admit that i wasn't perfect in the relationship, either. i didn't know how to respond to the lack of affection, and talking about it didn't work, so i began texting more and more often and id cry if they went an hour or two without texting me. id start fights more often and get upset at them for things, and id just. be controlling. but when they told me all of this during a fight, i tried to change my behavior. i tried to facilitate a conversation and let them know i wouldn't forget what they said and id improve myself, and it felt like that didn't matter to them. i tried my hardest, and it wasn't perfect, but i just. tried my best. and it felt like they didn't notice or care about all the effort i was putting in.

one day, i slipped up and got mad at them for never calling me but calling other friends. no matter how much i apologized, they were upset, and that night, they broke up with me. it felt like everything was out of my control and how i felt didn't matter. like everything i had done for them in the past eight months just slipped through my fingers and shattered on the ground like glass. ive shown them things ive never showed anyone else, told them things about me ive never told anyone else. i genuinely thought i would move to their state and marry them one day, and it was just so painful to watch my dreams with the person i loved fall apart so easily, no matter what i did. i poured everything i had into that relationship. it felt like i gave them a part of me that i can never get back now. i feel hollow, incomplete, used and discarded, and underappreciated.

the worst part is, it's like they don't even care. they wanted to be friends, and i agreed since i missed them, and they acted like they weren't even hurt-- like the past eight months never happened. they don't listen to what i say and it feels like im the crazy one for still hurting. like ill always be screaming into a void but they won't hear me. i can't talk about what happened. i can't, they won't listen, they never did. im in so much pain and it feels like i have to bottle it all up.

if anything, i just. need to hear that somebody's proud of me. i tried my best, i gave it my all, and even if it didn't work out, one day ill be okay. and,, if you could. use petnames too, like sweetheart and stuff, id really. appreciate that (platonic obvi lol)

um. thank you for hearing me out and letting me talk about this. i just want to feel loved again, and i need reassurance and support more than anything at the moment so,,, i love you both, and i really appreciate it

Oh dear ... relationships are so, so painful to deal with. Especially when the other person doesn't give as much time and energy. The fact that you're admitting that you did something wrong in the relationship? That's one of the bravest things I've ever heard! You're learning and growing from the experience, taking notes on what you've done wrong. THAT is the bravest thing to do.

I'm sorry for your partner, I know that people like that happen, and when it hurts, it hurts a lot. Just know that if you put that much effort into somebody who didn't appreciate it, imagine the love you'll get to somebody who does appreciate it!! And I know that'll happen for you, I'm psychic!

And I love you too, dear! I promise, that if you ever need anything, you know where to find me. Please, update us on how you're doing sometime, I hope that love treats you better! Stay safe and drink water, take care of yourself!!

-

Thanks for the kind words, but lets skip the nice stuff and get to your problem, I don’t want to waste time because I know you’re probably feeling really down. And I want to help.

I have to agree with Sayaka, relationships are harder to deal with, even worse when it feels like they aren’t interested. I’ve never been with anyone, only because I know that I would most likely annoy them. I mean, look how I treat that nasty pig Mikan. Anyway, admitting to your mistakes is such a mature step forward, you’re acknowledging that you made a mistake. That’s really good.

While I’m not love expert, you’ll definitely find someone that appreciates you and know your worth, even if it’s not your current partner or whatever. Someone will appreciate you and they will love you for who you are.

I-I guess you’re not so bad yourself Anon, but don’t tell anyone I said that! This is between you, me and Sayaka because she was involved in answering this. I, uh, I hope I helped.

[bakutae]

HELLO YUNA CONGRATS ON 100!! here's my matchup again: im fine with either gender, bnha please! if this helps im an aries, empathetic and caring for friends (give them candy and cards etc sometimes), can be determined by easily swayed by self esteem. apathetic ngl,, function pretty well by myself (eg, during hbl i was thriving). i love gaming (mlbb , final fantasy etc) and can be competitive at this! my current hobby writing for my blog lol, i love cats. lattes, cakes etc, stickers and (1/2)

hey jingg!! okay not gonna lie, the first person that came to my mind was denki, but he was i bit too... hyper for you i guess in a sense?

so i actually thought reaaallly hard and i finally found one person to match you up with!! that character is...

midoriya izuku

- i googled if the both of y'alls zodiac signs were suitable for each other but apparently it's not but!! we'll make it work besides it's just a website and not the truth

- i feel like you and midoriya's personalities are pretty similar so the two of you are pretty compatible in my eyes

- opposites attract certainly doesn't really apply to you

- the relationship will seem pretty platonic; since in public the most you would go is holding hands, or hugging from the back if applicable

- for example, during a concert and the two of you are standing? he'd wrap his arms around your waist from the back and watch it from there

- having seated seats at a concert? an arm will be around your shoulder as he huddles you closer orr you will take the initiative and lean on his shoulder

- when you do take initiative though, sit back, relax and enjoy the sight as dots of red highlight the perfections of his freckles

- however, when midoriya leaves you to do hero work for a few days, you will miss him to bits

- but you have the trust in him that he'll return to you safely :")

- your independence will get you through the times when he's away from you and your main mode of communication would be text messages and quick phone calls if he had the time

- late night texts every night he's away and the two of you end up texting late into the night~

- the phone calls will mainly be a way for him to tell you how much he missed you and loved you

- though, there was one time he called you to tell you that one of your bread sticker had somehow made its way onto his hero outfit and he was laughed at in public while wearing it out

- bring this up in a conversation with friends and he'll be a stuttering mess lol

- if he had extra/more time though, he'd be sure to play mobile legends with you though he'd probably pretend to be a noob just to fawn over how great you were and would talk your head off on how amazing you were

- he'll feel really bad for leaving you alone and not seeing you though so he'll definitely go out of his way to buy you some new flavoured and different brand milk you have yet to try just to see your reaction lol

- he bought you a cotton candy marshmallow milk once cause 'the packaging looked nice'

- needless to say it ended up being thrown into the trash cause even he said it tasted disgusting, he's satisfied with you keeping to your usual brand of milk for now

random date(?) headcanon

// late night visits from midoriya //

- you were up writing an essay since you weren't tired and your creative juices were starting to work then

- usually you'd be texting midoriya at this hour but since he was particularly busy on that day he told you that he wouldn't be able to participate in your regular chat sessions

- only the sound of your pen scratching against the surface of the paper could be heard in your brightly lit room

- you almost didnt notice the gentle tapping sound that was coming from your window

- 'izuku...? what the heck are you doing by my window? i'm not even on the first floor-'

- he looked as if he was trying to balance himself though he was in the air and he scratched his head as he refused to look you in the eye

- he also had a bag suspiciously hung over his torso and you tilted your head to the side, trying to figure out what was in it

- 'i...i wanted to see you so i asked ochako to help me get up here with her quirk.'

- you ignored his bag, and looked past it

- peering from over his shoulder, there ochako was, with a look of intense concentration on her face, looking as if it was incredibly hard for her right then

- you were about to scold him for potentially putting his life in danger and giving ochako unnecessary pressure when you thought otherwise and opened the window for him instead

- he stumbled in carelessly, barely making it through the window and you leaned over the window, to where ochako was and nodded at her appreciatively, not wanting to wake anyone from their sleep at 12 in the morning

- you watched as ochako scurried away and you then turned to face midoriya, who was curiously peeking at your essay from the table

- suddenly embarrassed, you frantically grabbed the paper and tucked it away safely in a file, shooting midoriya a slightly awkward and crooked smile

- for a while, the two of you looked at each other before averting your eyes at the same time

- midoriya suddenly vigorously unzipped his bag and his hands disappear into the cracks of the bag, and it looks as if he's in a hurry to find something

- you raised your brows in confusion as you groaned, thinking back at the ridiculous cotton candy marshmallow flavoured milk he had bought for you once

- 'izuku, i swear, if it's another one of those disgustingly sweet milks again i will-'

- to your surprise, he pulled out a cute cactus themed sticker set and he placed it in your hand carefully

- 'n-no it's not that. oh come on i thought you promised me you wouldn't mention anything about that again? but h-here, i know how much you like stickers and i thought it'd really suit you when i saw it at the store.'

- pure bliss clouding your judgement, you leaned in and wrapped your arms around his neck and whisper a quick 'thank you' into his ear, which causes him to giggle from the ticklish sensation

- 'you're welcome, jing. i hope you can finish writing your essay now.'

[pockpop]

we like to party | bts scenario

➢ summary: it’s time for your annual cookout and inviting the boys plus your family is always a wild night.

➢ request: Can I request a bts scenario where reader cooks dessert, bbq & soul food (with the help of readers family) for the boys' , the staff, their family and yours. Basically a get together with activities and music. I hope this made sense! 

➢ genre: fluff, mature 

➢ warnings: mentions of alcohol, cursing, some booty poppin’ cuz why not

➢ a/n: i took a while for this one but its here! im gonna be honest its kinda hoseok biased? i have no shame to show him some loving lol but i hope you like it love!

masterlist

styling your freshly done box braids, you posed in the mirror in your brand new bathing suit. it finally came the day of your ‘get together’. in real, it was a cookout you and your family had every year and y’all usually invited family. however, the boys were regular goers. you had met a few of them while studying overseas for college, befriending them well enough that they would come visit you anytime they had off. they became well acquainted with your family that they were always asked about whenever you came home. you were excited to see them as always and since you also invited their staff to come along, you wondered what the day was going to bring.

the party had started at 2. you had water slides set up, your cousin doing the music, you had helped cook the food with your mom and your aunts while your brothers and dad did the barbequing. your female cousins had of course brought a few friends that you already had assumed would be talking up the boys, but you didn’t mind much cause you knew they never really got to have fun and chill for a night.

 standing beside one of the lawn chairs while your little cousins were arguing over whether 2pac was really dead or not, you didn’t notice the boys had came in the house with their staff, your mom and aunts greeting them first. it was hoseok who found you first. “hey boo,” you jumped a bit feelings hands squeeze your waist, hoseok peeked his head around making you smile.”boy don’t scare me like that!” you yelled as he wrapped his arms around you and gave you a hug from behind.

hoseok laughed unwrapping himself from you, “chill out, it wasn’t even that bad.” you rolled your eyes at him and was about to push him away when you could hear your dad and brothers yelling and screaming in excitement as the other members came out of the house to greet them. you couldn’t help but smile warmly as they did their handshakes and hugs, stopping for conversations.

“y’all a bit late, the party started at 2.” you said smugly to hoseok who still had his hand on your hip. it wasn’t exactly a secret that you two once had a thing,it was written all over your faces whenever you two were together. hoseok kissed your forehead then mushed your head playfully,”we here though, isn’t that all that matters?”

“nigga, get away from me, you be playing too much!” you said pushing him away,cheesing so big that your mouth hurt. 

“big booty y/n! there she is!” you heard jungkook scream and you covered your face in embarrassment as your little cousins giggled. “why you so damn loud?” you grumbled as he bear hugged you. though you had brothers, jungkook ran along with them in your eyes. he teased you, annoyed you to no end and was always in your ear, but you loved him nonetheless. eventually the rest followed as they were trying to escape your family members, engulfing you in hugs, their colognes overwhelming your nose. 

“damn, you didn’t say all these people were gonna be here, we haven't seen your whole family in a hot minute.” namjoon commented eyeing your cousin who was flaunting around in her bikini. you crossed your arms in mock annoyance,“yeah, the whole crew and all, they all haven’t seen y'all in a while and when i mentioned y'all were coming to town, they didn’t hesitant to bring they asses here. ya welcome.” 

“well i don’t care about all that, where the food at?” jin asked looking around and his sad eyes finding the empty picnic tables that only had drinks and condiments on them. smiling you touched his shoulder, passing him as you did it.”i just gotta bring it out chill, we were all waiting for you guys.”

“oo good, i’ll help.” jin offered and taehyung came along as well while the others went off to get some drinks. your mom and your aunts were just finishing up the food when you guys came in. handing the each of you guys platters, bowls, and tin pans of Mac and cheese, potato salad, white rice, yellow rice, black-eyed peas, collard greens, baked beans, and cabbage. it took some time to set up the tables and eventually your dad and brother brought the plates of meats.

after everyone had eaten and drank a little more, suddenly people were just everywhere. dancing, screaming at the tv over football, playing on the water slides, playing checkers, having deep discussions. jin was sitting in one of the lawn chairs talking to your mom, yoongi and namjoon was talking up a few of your cousins, but hoseok, taehyung, jimin, and jungkook had been on the water slides as soon as they finished their food. they all had had a bit of hard liquor so they weren’t quiet about it either and the kids were running along with them.

“watch the babies!” your grandma kept screaming every time the adults and big kids were getting off the water slides, the little kids kept crowding around the bottom to watch the final splash. jungkook had caught you watching them from your spot by namjoon who was now exchanging numbers with a girl you weren’t even related to. the boy ran up to you and didn’t even give you a chance to protest before he was throwing you over his shoulder and running to the biggest slide of them all.

“wait jungkook! boy if you get my cover-up wet i swear!” but he didn’t care, “you should’ve taken it off a long time ago,” he said with a shrug before climbing up the ladder and pushing you back down the slippery slide, falling into the mini pool at the bottom. when you finally got up, you ripped your ponytail out to let your braids fall then pointed to jungkook to let it be known to all you were gonna get him. 

you tripped getting out of the slide only earning a hyena laugh from jungkook but his laugh ended quickly when you were already climbing the ladder and pushing him down the slide. taking off your cover-up, you slid down the slide again, making sure to hit your body against jungkook’s who still hadn’t recovered from the initial push.“you’re evil you know that,” he giggled trying to move his hair from his eyes,”sure you’re not talking about yourself?” you teased trying to stand up and he just smirked watching you struggle

“race you to the slip and slide,” he challenged when you finally got up to let others slide down. you didn’t even give him an answer before you took off running to the slip and slide.

the rest of the party went on that way. the families having fun together and enjoying the company of everyone they love, making new friends, a bit drunk but having fun.when it was getting darker, it seemed the music was getting louder and all y’all ended up on the dance floor bumping and grinding. you had bounced around to anyone you could, everyone crowding around as you threw it back with no problem at all. they cheered you on and handing you full cups of hennessy that had you feeling every beat. 

you made sure each member got a chance to see what you were working with, whining your hips with an ease that had them all seeing you entirely differently from then on.your girl cousins were also on the floor, heating up the night as all of y’all were getting down, giving them boys heart attacks.

“y’all better stop before dem boys pass out now!” your mom yelled from where she sat with your grandma and older aunts, all of them laughing at the younger adults on the dance floor. after a while, you ended up dancing on hoseok. he was the only guy who could keep up with you and never was intimated by how you moved. his hips never missed a beat and he always left you breathless. everyone had crowded around the two of you, your sweaty bodies bumping and grinding to ‘no hands’. everybody started cheering and rapping the lyrics, not caring about being loud in your backyard and too drunk to care.

 all in all, it was a good ass night. you guys had a bonfire once it got entirely dark and the desserts your mom had made of sweet potato pie, red velvet cake, peach cobbler and s’mores were eaten around the fire. everyone was mingling, talking loud and all and when you looked around the circle, the light of the fire illuminated everyone having a good time. once it all finally came to an end, the boys definitely couldn’t wait for the next one and neither could you.

✧

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 8 - “Save Our Advantages For A Rainy Day” - JARED

https://youtu.be/lDQPmrzOKKw

Hey! So! Fuck Regan and JG! Honestly Jared and I were set up PRIME FUCKIN TIME for Merge, and so was Regan. So I’m kind of majorly pissed that she had to be such a unloyal bag of ....dice. So anyway, where do I go from here? Who knows. I sure don’t. Okay here’s the sitch. Immunity is essential. Regan has a dumbass idol. They essentially voted out the one person who would not.....have an advantage. Idiots. Idiots. I mean I’m sure I’m biased because Alex deserved to be here AND I LITERALLY TOLD ROXY I WOULDNT LIE TO HER AGAIN AND WHEN SHE WAKES UP SHES GONNA YELL AT ME which should be fun. But anyways. Besides that. I’m....swell. Had a nice rice and chicken dinner. Still have cute tricks up my sleeve. Jared pointed out Regan’s tell is when she says Ugh so I’ve been responding to everything she says with Ugh. That’s how this night is set to be ending. Honestly.....we’re fucked. But on the bright side....beat two of my placements.

Okay honestly...... all im saying is that I KNEW we weren't merging, but I'm also really really sad that Alex is out of the game and im PISSED that people wouldn't let him do well. I feel he's so nice and does a lot for the community that he's the kinda guy who deserves to make the jury, and considering it sounds like ruben and roxy are inactive now (which i believe) alex just shouldn't have gone, but some people decided to be SHADY *eyes regan and jg* The only good think about this is that we didn't merge, and I know my position in this tribe is beyond incredible, and if we lose immunity, I'm going to be fine. I'm in an alliance with literally everyone (oops) and I know that Augusto and Ricky would go after each other if we were to lose ANYWAYS!! But I also really wanna win immunity so I can potentially go to ghost island bc I think that'd be epic. I'm also surprised at who keeps going home from that tribe, but next time i'm fairly confident it'd be ruben and roxy......................... unless regan gets more power hungry and tries to split up the couple. i'd actually piss myself I want Regan to win so badly right in this very moment this isn't a joke like  lol

Soooo JG leaving is really sad just because no one should have to go through personal life stuff it sucks ): Selfishly I’m happy and sad tho. I’m sad bc that’s another original Malabar gone. Like FUCKKK. But I’m happy because that means my current tribe didn’t have to go to tribal which means I wasn’t #exposed yet for playing all sides. It also means that my current tribe has numbers going into merge. But unfortunately I’m almost sure someone on the other side has an idol or two especially bc all the people who have gone to ghost island are on that tribe. I am just happy that I’ve hopefully made it almost made jury. That’s an accomplishment that I have not had yet in my ts career. As long as I make jury my unfinished business is finished and I can start being a literal crack head in this game again. I’m so pumped hehe :~)

https://youtu.be/g6stw70lF9w come join ur favorite drunk dad in the bath

Feels good to be back! I want it to be for the long haul though, so I'm not wasting anytime. Quickly fired up all the old convos and touched base with people. I don't think I can get the outcast vote, so I'm trying to make a deal with Drake where we get him into the game from our side, and the merge tribe votes me in. I think the old alliances will help me out, and I might have a shot with Regan. It'll be tricky. Alex seems to think he has it, but I'm not sure. I'll keep playing until the end though.

https://youtu.be/2-ZNQ5KNc-8

So am I like aligned with everyone left????? Hahahahahahaha I’m literally laughing. Johnny is still my number one so he OBVIOUSLY found out about this alliance that was made with me, Nicole, Jared, Regan, and Augusto. He wasn’t shocked, which I expected he wouldn’t be. This means that I now have 3 big alliances lmao Me, Ricky, and Johnny Me, Vilma, Johnny, and Augusto Me, Nicole, Jared, Regan, and Augusto This is a mess!!! Another mess? Me about to vote Alex Crooks back into the game lmao. What a fucking mood hahahahaha. We talked and he’s actually nice? This story arc is unreal. But I feel like I’m sitting kinda pretty rn so that’s pretty hot. I guess good things do come to the pretty ones! :~)

Ok. If Reagan wanted Drake back in the game so badly she should have just fucking voted for him. God damn everyone is so fucking dramatic.

Okay first off woooooo we merged...... we love expectations Anywho, I'll make a merge confessional later, this is about y'alls bitch ass twist that you threw in that is TAKING AWAY the fact that I was two tribals from single digits again....... now i'm four                                                                         uwu Honestly, when I saw the returning players come back, my initial reaction was that I wanted Zach or Alex to come back, and it would've been nice to have both of them, but then lowkey I got ANNOYED because I got seen as the person in the middle (along with Augusto, Dan and Vilma...... ironic right #goldengirls), and I kept getting messaged the whole day about saving Alex vs Zach, and it was getting annoying because, even though I was in a physical alliance with Zach, I know that he had chats with literally everyone in the game, and I know he had two with me, and was really not even selling himself that well. Zach coming back would've been a mess because I'm trying to build more bonds with the people who want to vote Alex back in, and I'm not worried about people like Ruben and Roxy wanting me out because I think that I have a good relationship with both of them.... Now this just comes down to how good of a job I can do at saving them? eep                                uwu anywhom. the part that REALLY got fun for me yesterday was when I lowkey finessed my way into the outcast vote to try to make sure that Drake didn't get back in....                                                              uwu T B Q H. I like Drake a lot, but he is from this other community we're both from, where he acknowledges me as this character of johnnyscott1127, and wouldn't probably want to get to know ME in the realm of the game, and he'd start calling me a target and a big player, when in these games I try to keep a really low profile until it's time to strike, so Drake coming back wouldn't have been great for my game.                         THE HOUSE BURNS IN THE MEADOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I spoke to Crooks, let him know all the work I was doing to get back into the game, and I sold to him as to why Frankie was way less threatening to come back into the game. The other tribe all had alliances with Drake when he was in the game apparently (I didn't specify this to Crooks, but I heard this from Augusto), and I kept selling the fact that Drake would be the kind of player to be gung ho on getting out anyone from OG Lazare, and he just had to go because of that.............. THEN I started talking to Frankie, and it all made sense to try to push bringing Frankie back into the game, so then when Frankie returned I got psyched. I'm not too sure what Frankie is going to do, and if he'd even work with me or not, but I'm going to try really hard with my social game to try to get Frankie on my good side. I've got a good feeling about the two people that returned, and I genuinely think that it was acredited a bit to myself.                         sometimes I sleep on my face, and only my face. Now I have to get back to a real merge round....... oye vey. god speed to me :)

me: just a quick confessional me: talks for 7 minutes https://youtu.be/G-SSmhcWQmA

(A LITTLE LATER)

https://youtu.be/clUNEh2XzoU

I went from feeling so confident going into this group of 13 and now I’m worried??? Idk I feel like bringing Alex back wasn’t great now? If he’s still connected to Nicole and Jared, and everyone else is too I might be fucked??? Idk I’m trying not to be crazy and work on just getting to jury bc I’ll be damned if these fuckers take that away from me. Everyone seems set on Ruben or Roxy this round which is fine, but also like they’re so inconsequential to this game imo. I barely talk to them, but they have approached me with concerns about a big alliance on the other side? The issue is, me, Johnny, and Augusto are so in the middle at this point that it might be stupid to try to make a big move at this point. We just need to really figure out where Asya and Ricky’s heads are at. I wanna talk one on one with Vilma too and maybe expose some stuff to her to bring us closer together.

Okay so like honestly..... I kinda wanna do a whole merge confessional, and just go over the entire merge, now that we're officially merged as a group of 13 people, but I'm really not sure if I even want to do that officially just because #laziness This is where we're at. Ruben has apparently been inactive for far too long, he's been to like..... one tribal all game? and he just isn't active, and since we've been back I haven't gotten too deep into a conversation with him. I have tried to fight for him, to a few people today, but apparently this is the case of a big name player from another community coming in and not trying that hard. I am sad about it because I really trusted Ruben and thought we'd be able to actually make it pretty deep this time, but it just seems like literally everyone wants him out and idk what to do about it EYE (emphasis on the ME ME ME) wanted to get out Roxy. She has relationships with everyone, and is being grouped in with Ruben, and also she has backstabbed me in TWO games without me even coming close to seeing it coming. Like she would talk to me the same way she is right now, but then she'd just snake me when it's time to go, and I'm really not about that life OR her being here, much longer, but I don't think she's going anywhere today, or potentially for awhile. I spoke to Regan, Augusto and Dan about the pros of getting rid of Roxy over Ruben, but I got shut down, and it seems like everyone wants Roxy, so it is what it is IN OTHER NEWS, i went on a call with Alex last night to confirm that we were going to ride out this entire game together (this was more him confirming with me, but ofc im going to treat him like my #1), and I openly told him that I had another person already that I was REALLY gung ho about, and that I am dedicated to him, but he just has to know I am just as dedicated to one other person........... and then he tried to GUESS who that person was, and I just knew I had to deter all attention away from Augusto, so when Alex guessed, he guessed Vilma and I said no, and then he guessed Dan and I decided that was the right time to remain silent, and he just figured it was Dan (I kinda confirmed it verbally). I told Crooks I would watch out for Dan, making sure that Dan wouldn't go after Alex, but the thing is, is that Dan thinks that we've got a really tight one on one relationship as well, so it even more masks my relationship with Augusto if I really was trying to do so. I've got Augusto as my obvious #1. I am intending on telling him nearly everything this game, with caution ofc, and then I've got Dan and Alex, and lowkey Vilma, who also think they have that like "rock solid" #1 relationship with me, so I'm getting nervous about the amount of relationships that I've got in the game, and I'm nervous that it may come back to bite me SOOON!!!! I've got: Finnanut - nicole/jared Golden girls - dan/augusto/Vilma Power bottoms - Asya/Vilma Jeopardy stars - Ricky/dan Flops icons - Regan/augusto OG jerzy crew - Ruben/Roxy F2 with alex F2 with dan F2 with augusto yea I need help................. I have too many relationships and this is not good at all. I don't really know what to do about it, BUT I do think a lot of people in the cast are just so intertwined with one another, and so many alliances have been made that it's kinda crazy to think about The only people I really don't have any alliance or relationship with are........................ Frankie? Yea this is bad. I've fucked myself big time haha. Ready for another bitter jury szn

I don't understand why the HELL Ruben, Roxy, Dan, Augusto, and Regan voted me back into the game. I'm not complaining though. I am complaining about Zach though. Because he literally threw me under the HARD in an attempt to get back into the game. He told everyone that Asya/Ricky/Me/Jared/Nicole were in a five person alliance. Which... we are. But he didn't actually know that. He just happened to guess it. A lot of people kinda assumed it to because of how much they wanted me back in. I talked to Johnny last night and I had a fever/sick dream about turning everything on its head this tribal. A ton of folks are gun ho on getting Roxy and Ruben out first. And while that is fine and dandy, that’s too easy. Johnny mentioned it’ll get messy once they’re gone because the two easy ones will be gone plus Frankie. That puts us at final ten which makes it risky for rocks. And if they try to break up the supposed five that Zach leaked they’ll try and make a mark against one of me Asya Ricky nicole and jared. And in hopes of trying to keep everyone happy and not leave an angered soul I could easily get out at 11. So like... Why am I agreeing to get out ruben and Roxy first. I'm agreeing to get Ruben out first because he annoys me. But after that? We'll see.

I'm going UTR on this vote, not doing too much swaying of anything. I have the people I trust the least being targeted, and that is all that matters. Roxy and Ruben. Nicole and I an save our advantages for a rainy day. We have strong relationships out the HOOHA!

Ashen went home in a unanimous vote, which is more than I can say for Malabar cause their tribal is deadass a yikes on bikes. I’m over here having been to 5 out of 7 tribals yet all of them have been unanimous and they are like PLAYING the game. It’s interesting to say the least because those very game players are people I will face (hopefully sooner rather than later). Also, the fact that we did not merge directly into 12 is TRASH like waiting another round sounds awful plus like…. I’m worried for my future in a sense? Don’t know how to explain it, but I’d love to merge so I can hide behind certain people. All in due time, I hope.

(A LITTLE LATER)

So JG just left the game due to an emergency and that makes me super sad like JG doesn’t deserve any of that plus I feel like I’ve been giving him a bad rep as this super inactive person that he doesn’t deserve, so that sucks. I hope this puts into perspective that the game is supposed to be this fun little escape from reality cause it can be quite harsh for some people like JG. I don’t know, I just wanted to say that. On a more sadly selfish note, we’re now down to eleven people in the game and this means a merge will be coming and that a new chapter will begin and change isn’t SUPER fun but I’m oddly excited to kick the game into a higher gear and just have a blast.

(THE CAMERA HE STOLE HAS TO RUN OUT OF BATTERIES SOON)

The merge IS HERE AND QUEER! Okay Seychelles, let’s get sickening! Seriously though, I’m just super proud of myself for making it to the merge like I wouldn’t have been shocked if I had left early, but I’m here! <3 I also get to reunite with allies like Regan, Jared, Nicole, and see new people such as Ruben. My approach to this stage of the game is to be wildly calculated if that makes sense. I wanna play the middle, I wanna be social, and I want to play a crazy game because if my unfinished business needs finishing, I’m here to do it in any way I can. I have the tools to do so since I have a final two with Johnny, a close duo-type relationship with Jared, a duo-like relationship with Regan, close to Dan, have The Golden Girls with Johnny/Dan/Vilma, have that Great Lakes connection with Roxy, was super close to Nicole on NuLazare, and then I’m starting to talk to Ricky and Asya more. Ruben is really the only person who doesn’t fit the equation but I gotta talk to him more to see what I can work with.

(I MEAN THOSE ARE SOME DAMN GOOD BATTERIES)

Fuck my drag and my chances to win right? Okay so the host decide to shake things up with a little #TwistosTwist and now there’s a group of Outcasts who can come back into the game. So I think this is awesome that the pre-mergers get another chance in a season all about redemption and finishing what you started, BUT it does not help that I’ve voted out 5 of the 7 people who can return. Those votes were all unanimous, but I was still a part of them leaving so it’s not too exciting. It is a cute little throwback to Bhutan though since I was in the position of the Outcasts and had to beg to return to the game, which didn’t exactly pan out but hey I’m here so I’ve been doing something right. My gut tells me that Drake should return to the game since I never voted him out and we were working together on OG Malabar, but there’s also another person returning so I’m not sure where to really go with that vote.

i hope i don’t go home haha

I totally forgot to finish the confessional before I sent it lol I hate myself ANYWAY I think Ruben should be the vote tonight but I'm counting on him pulling out some weird ass advantage and one of us getting rocked out, or voted out. Like... that dumb man aint gonna go down that easy. He's been a thorn in my side since DAY ONE, and I will not miss him if he leaves. Also, Alex, Asya and Ricky are proving to be great allies so I kind of feel bad for being so hesitant in the beginning. At this point I have done a lot better than I did the last two times I've played and had more fun, so really if I go I go. But, it's been super fun so far and I feel like although I'm struggling making individual connections, I can stand a good 90% of this group and that's honestly a plus.

Call me the bank because people stay depositing their information to me and like no worries for them cause I’m keeping it locked up in the safe. So Regan and I were on call and the good sis gave me a rundown of the NuNuMalabar dynamics and also the fact that she has an IDOL. I now know where all 3 Hidden Immunity Idols are located and that’s insane to me. If I can’t have an idol, at least I know who does! Zach and Ruben also gave me a rundown of all sorts of information despite me just barely meeting them, which is pretty awesome. I caught up with Jared as well and then Johnny always has a bit of tea for me, so I’m happy in that sense! Also an alliance was created between Jared, Nicole, Regan, Dan, and myself which is a solid group that I could work with for a bit. This also pulls me a bit closer to Dan, which is never a bad thing. My only worry is how I can play the middle since the merge again might be a Jared/Nicole versus The World situation, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. In terms of the Outcast vote, it’s looking to be Alex and potentially Drake. While Zach and Ruben want me to vote in Zach, I feel like I can protect my position by voting in Alex as Zach is so gung-ho to target the couple. I also talked to Ashen about everything that happened when they left, which was nice. I also reconnected with Samantha which is always fun (she was super robbed). I do hope that like things seem this natural (?) for the long haul.

Well idk what's going on My main two allies are Jared and nicole Then I have an alliance with Johnny and Augusto Then an alliance with Jared, Nicole, Augusto and Dan called the Malabars and Nicole And Ruben is going and I feel bad but like he doesn't come online

Color me shook cause I did not expect this to happen in the slightest. Alex returning 11-0 was a given but Frankie returning was a surprise especially since I was so sure it would be Drake. Frankie returning is…. Interesting because I feel as though Ashen could’ve potentially ruined my future in the game with Frankie since Ashen wanted Regan out when Frankie left but Drake and I suggested not to. Plus, Frankie and I were actually somewhat close before he went home but it kinda feels off this time around. Drake really deserved to come back after how swap fucked he was, but you can’t win them all. Regan exploding at Frankie is a major yikes though since I want Regan to get as far as she can and THIS is not the way to do it. Also, Alex returning is a question mark since I feel as though he does have options and it’s unclear if I’m one of em, ya feel? We’ll see in due time because both him and Frankie are immune for this first tribal.

https://youtu.be/oZSe415LhOo

Ruben is back tribal is in 21 minutes i feel the angina creeping through my veins

I love somehow being decent in a challenge! Vilma winning immunity was dope since I’m in an alliance with her, plus it means it isn’t any of Jared/Nicole/Ricky/Asya/Ruben/Roxy who are all likely candidates for the boot this round. I mean, I say that only because they are somehow prominent pairs in the game and have all been part of moves in the game (less Ricky/Asya), so it’s a no brainer. I’m leaning towards Ruben just because I haven’t played with him at all whatsoever yet and I have no previous connection like being on a tribe with him to default to. Although, jury management on my end would be kinda bad but it’s just the beginning of the merge so who knows. Again, I need to save face with certain people to gain trust so that when I do kind of swing back and forth, I have more footing to work with. Roxy and I also reconnected which was cute, I did express to her how she is being perceived (inactive, in a tight alliance with Ruben) just to be honest but to also gain her trust a bit since we haven’t been able to play the game together. She was really receptive to that and dismissed the fact that her and Ruben were a tight duo but rather that they sort of got lumped together, which I can believe. With her and Ruben likely being on the chopping block, I hope Roxy can stay out of danger since she’s more beneficial to me than Ruben. Although, Johnny disagrees as he stated in the newly made Iconic Flops alliance with Regan, Johnny, and myself. I don’t really agree with him but hey, as long as it isn’t me hgjfdks

GUYYYYSSS WHYYYY I CAN'T KEEP UP TALKING TO 18 PEOPLE AT ONCE THIS IS A NIGHTMARE First of all I woke up to approximately 19827961487 messages And they were mostly from people who had already been voted out I was like Did I get eliminated while I was asleep??????? I don't know which is worse This or surprise elimination It's almost tribal time and I'm kinda busy and don't remember what I wrote last time but there was a twist and two people re-entered the game and I obviously wasn't a fan of that. The remaining players voted in Alex and outcasts voted in Frankie which I was shocked about because Drake was pretty much convinced it was going to be him. Then I accidentally won immunity: I hate that thing how did it win I think Alyssa summed it up perfectly It's just a mess I definitely prefer Asya and Nicole's I think I have to throw the next challenge I hope it sucks I just realised the same thing happened my original season I accidentally won the merge immunity Last time it was the hex challenge This probably means I'll last a couple more rounds max until I become a target and die I'm happy because merge boots are usually intense but on the other hand it looks like this vote isn't going to be that intense after all, everyone has kinda just agreed to vote out Ruben due to inactivity. I guess I'm okay with that but I definitely don't think it would be my best interest to get out both Roxy and Ruben in a row. We're entering the point of the game where I have to start considering who I'd like to take to the end with me and so far I definitely haven't played a winning game because my social game SUCKS. I'm just so bad at starting conversations it's sad really. I don't think I'd win against most of the people who are left so I definitely need to start spotting the goat-y people and try to keep at least some of them around... I'm kinda concerned about the whole Jared/Nicole/Alex/Asya/Ricky group because I don't feel especially close to any of them and hope at least one of the group would get voted out soon so they wouldn't get too much power. Sorry about the messy confessional I'm in a hurry because tribal starts in 3 minutes I hope I can write something more insightful soon.

[markleetrashh]

Hello~ i really like your NCT 127 Reaction to you being Haechan's younger Sister! it's really cute,,,, and can i request for the same thing but as Jisung's younger sister?? (I'm a 03 liner!

im glad you loved it! i’d do this without gifs too like the haechan one, hope you don’t mind. p.s can’t relate to this because im older than jisung ahh ;-;

Nct 127’s reaction to you being Jisung’s younger sister

——

Taeil: Would probably be VERY awkward at first due to the large age gap, and he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to go along well with you. But seeing hoe you were so calm and easy going just like Jisung, he slowly opened up and started talking more with you, but still, a tint of awkwardness evident in his tone.

Johnny: Acts like an older brother and loves teasing you and taking care of you at the same time. He loves making fun of you height and finds it cute how you always get flustered and stutter because you want to tease him back but try not too, because he’s much older than you. But despite all these he treats you really nicely and buys you lots of meals and gifts, and often asks Jisung to take care of you too.

Taeyong: “Omo, so young!” was the first few words he ever said to you when Jisung introduced you to him, as he felt the immediate need to take care of you and treat you like a small child. Jisung had already ‘warned’ you about him and his nagging, and you’d mentally prepared yourself for it. You often find yourself in his arms or anywhere close to him, because he claims that you need to be protected at all times.

Yuta: Sees you as a little sister and often asks Jisung about you when he has the time to- “Jisung ah, how’s y/n?”, “Is she doing well?”, “When will she be coming again?”, and because of this Jisung always gets flustered and doesn’t know what to reply. But when you’re around Yuta he offers help a lot to you, and makes sure no one else ‘bullies’ you in the group, and even volunteered to beat the person up if they did. reason why haechan was so scared of him for a while

Doyoung: He had welcomed and greeted you with a warm, big smile as soon as Jisung introduced you to them, and he couldn’t tear his eyes off you, smiling like a proud mother whenever he noticed how similar you and Jisung were in terms in the way y'all spoke and get flustered easily. Is always nagging at you too, but tries his best to give advice more, and often talks to Jisung about how to appreciate you as a sister and all that talk.

Jaehyun: Really sweet and friendly towards you, you lowkey had a crush on him. But you knew not to see him more than just an older brother, as Jisung once told you that it’d be awkward for him if you liked any of his fellow members. But Jaehyun helps you out a lot and even sends you daily texts reminding you to eat your meals on time etc, he’s like your other older brother that you can always go to whenever Jisung’s not free. Calls you by a nickname he gave to you and often compliments about you to Jisung.

WinWin: When you first danced in front of him befor Jisung even introduced, he was shocked as to see how both of you were similar. But as soon as he knew, he’d be very friendly and open with you, and would probably smile a lot too because he feels the need to protect someone younger than him. Isn’t very talkative around you but he tries his best to initiate conversations, which eventually make you laugh in the end because of the random things he talks about.

Mark: “Just be comfortable around him, he doesn’t mind at all”- was what Jisung told you before he introduced you to Mark. You were faced with a flustered and shy looking boy in front of you, as he stuttered with his words and how his eyes would widen whenever you talk- it felt as if he was the one that was younger. Eventually as time passed Mark got more comfortable with you, and would occasionallu laugh with you as you tease him. Helps you no matter what and won’t hesitate to give you advice or look after you when Jisung isn’t around.

Haechan: “Jisung ah, she’s much better looking than you, are you sure y'all are siblings?” you heard him say to your brother as he met you for the first time, greeting you with a bright amd cheeky smile. You giggled as you saw Jisung glaring at Haechan, whom in return stuck his tongue out at him. Despite his occasional teasing and jokes, you appreciate him a lot as he never fails to make your day brighter. He acts like an encouraging older brother, helping you out and always being by your side when you need it. The way he treats you and Jisung is so different, Jisung had suspicions that he liked you.

[theblondestories]

Nov. 19th, 2017

So how should I begin this? Brace yourself, this is about to be kinda long!

I decided to start this page because I needed to vent about my life issues. Yes you might ask “does this person have friends” or “has this person looked into a therapist”, I have...at my university for one, but its $5 for a “brief” session and I need much more than brief for my baggage and two a real therapist is $50+, which a broke college student like me cannot afford as some of you know. And yes, I do have friends but the things I am caring on my back, no one would understand. Some of them know about it, but rarely ask me how I hold up or some don't bring it up at all.

I may be 22, but I currently don't work & honestly I haven't been looking for a job since I got fired in August. I used to hate my job & as I was finally opening up to it, i went out of town for month during the summer to visit family out of the country & when I got back I contacted my boss ready to get back at it (he knew Id be gone & said it was completely fine, ass) he hits me with the:

“How was your trip? Oh so we’ve decided to let you go.”

?? SO WHY DID YOU ASK ME HOW MY TRIP WAS?!

Anyway, since then Ive just had a lot go on regardless and wouldn't have been able to maintain a job for these past few months. 

This gets a little emotional now because i’ll get into my problems. My mom has been sick with cancer for 2 years now and it was just a shock to my family. No one on her side has ever been sick & it just came out of no where. My mom has been a healthy person for most of her life. It was actually October 2 years ago when the whole thing started, it was a really hard time for me as I’m sure to anyone who just found out this information. I would never have imagined this happening to our family. After getting surgery and doing treatment for 6 months she was “cured” but 6 months later it had returned. They tried out a different chemo and it worked for a while but not completely. It was a tough time for my family and I was terrified. I never shared any of this with my friends, I didn't want anyone to pity me or ask me questions that I couldn't handle.

My mom was hurting too because her whole family lived across the world and for years she wanted to move back there and be with them. My dad was struggling financially and was overwhelmed with taking care of my mom for two years here alone. His side of the family never cared for us and never helped out. My grandfather (dads dad) passed away from cancer so you'd think they'd be more understanding and lend a hand, but they're selfish people. It disappointed my dad so much he doesn't speak to them now. 

Anyway, because so much was going on my dad decided to send my mom to live with her family out of the country. His plan was to travel back and forth to work in the states and go be with her for a while and just keep that process going. It initially was suppose to be our whole family move out there, which I wasn't ready for at all. Im in my fourth year of school and i haven't finished or am close to, my whole life is here, I wasn't sure how one was suppose to just get up and throw all that way to move half way across the world. I probably sound so selfish too, yes its my mom and she needed me but trust me if you were in my shows you wouldn't know what to do either. My mom knew it hurt me and agreed to let me finish school here, but I spent the whole summer there with her along with my 2 brothers. 

Me and my youngest brother, Ryan, are close. He's 15 and one of the greatest kids you'll ever meet. Me and the 18 year old, Spencer, clash a lot. If I could punch him in the throat, I would. Ryan ended up staying to live there with my mom. Spencer was suppose to, but it was his senior year of high school and my parents agreed on letter him finish. 

I came back in August, right before classes started up, I really just couldn't catch a break because then in the beginning of September we lost our house due to a hurricane. Completely flooded as to where we had to swim out. Everything was ruined along with our cars. Ever since, my dad and Spencer have been living through hotels. Mid September things got rough again with my mom. She had to get another surgery and there was just a lot going on. I dropped all my classes and flew out there to be with her till mid October. Im glad I went because she needed me, but it legit fucked up everything for me here with school. Dropping out of my classes caused me to not be enrolled in the university so they were going to kick me out of my housing, which I desperately needed now because we didn't even have a house. 

Let me tell y'all this, NO BODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. NO ONE WANTS TO HELP YOU. Its the worst. I literally felt like someone was physically pushing me on the floor and holding back down not to get up. 

I ended up having to enroll in a class that I didn't even need just to keep my housing when i returned. My tuition is currently at $5,000 and I have no way to pay it.

I know Im bitching a whole lot, but today has just been a rough day. My dad called me a few hours ago telling me my mom wasn't doing well again and that I need to go back and stay for a few months because she wants me there. Mind you not he hasn't seen her since she left back in June because hes still not in good standing financially (especially after the hurricane) and he has the audacity to make me feel guilty that Im not there. When I was there in September she’d continuously ask me when she thinks he's going to come, but i never had an answer. 

The thing is when I talk to my mom on the phone everyday as I did today, she rarely tells me how she's actually feeling, but I can just tell by her voice. Yesterday I knew she wasn't feeling well because she told me, but today she said she was better, I could also hear it in her voice. My dad stated otherwise so I called her again asking her if she wasn't telling me things, which she denied to. Come to find out my dad has been telling her all these things about me on how he's concerned because he doesn't know who I'm spending my time with, or going out with or that I don't work & just spend money on going out to eat with friends and it would be best if I just moved out there too.

Me and my dad have always been close and I'm basically a “dads girl”, he never really denies me and doesn't say things to my face so I end up hearing about them from my mom, which honestly offends the shit out of me. It offended me because I know my dad well and he basically threw me under the bus to avoid a conversation with my mom about when he's showing up and that I'm a “hand full” so he's dealing with everything and stressed out. Which he is, but then everything gets thrown at me. 

So now I'm dealing with the fact that my mom thinks its best for me to move out of the country and be with her side of her family because they're the only family I got and they love and care about it. She says I can finish school there and just start a new life. I wouldn't say my life here in the states is that great, but when I go out there I feel like a nobody. 

Im really not a selfish person because I love my mom so much and I wish this was happening to me instead of her. I’m so scared for the future, but I don't see my future being there and no one seems to understand that. We’ve never grown up with my dads side of the family so I don't feel like I’m missing out on being a family with my moms side. Growing up maybe I did wish for that, that her family was here & we could have holidays and celebrations with them, but I grew out of it, I don't care for it. Ive become used to seeing them almost every summer for a month or two and then going back to my life. I wish it was as important to me as it is to my mom and I wish I wanted what she wanted. 

All my life I’ve dealt with depression, Ive never been happy & didn't think i could get anymore unhappy, until these past few months. I don't feel like my life isn't mine. I feel confused and lost. My heart hurts in so many aspects. I feel completely lonely inside and its the worst.

until next time -- 

xox D

[markleetrashh]

Boyfriend Hansol

yes my busan prince has a request ( finally omg )

big shoutout to the anon who requested this ,

and also for @anoukpower for requesting too !!

sm better debut him soon he deserves more

im weak for him too so this might get really fluffy idek

and also this marks the very last post of the boyfriend! series i had alot of fun writing for all the 17 boys ( i cant believe i actually did all of that too ) but there are still many more scenarios and au’s to come so feel free to request ~

okay let’s go

so you have been friends with yuta since like forever

his friends are your friends and vice versa with him

so it wasn’t much a surprise when yuta suddenly introduced you to hansol one day

but something about him was just different but you couldn’t seem to find out what it was

back to hansol ,

when he first greeted you he said it in a monotone without much expression

“nice to meet you , yuta’s friend . i’m Hansol ”

“ haha nice to meet you , Y/N here ”

/gives a small smile and says nothing else/

then he acts as if nothing happened and goes back to listening to the conversation

and throughout the whole time he doesnt even glance at you

he hardly smiled too

you highkey thought he actually disliked you and you also scolded yuta for forcing him to join since he didn’t look too happy

little did you know he was just shy and wanted to seem like a tough man infront of you

and he’s an awkward little bean so he didn’t know what else to say

and he was the one who begged yuta to introduced you to him

“ yuta-ah , hyung needs help ”

“ what is it ? ”

“ your best friend … she’s really pretty ”

“ are you interested in her ? ”

“ …. ”

“ what do you want me to do ? ”

“ introduce her maybe .. ? ”

“ hm … not until you treat me to a meal ”

and just like that , for the sake of getting to know you hansol burnt a hole in his wallet because yuta just had to pick a 5 star high class restaurant which caused 50$ a dish

yuta you asshole

soon enough he began hanging out with the both of you more ,

and you’d slowly notice him looking at you from time to time ,

and how he’d blush a little when you got too near

one day you fell ill and yuta was busy so he couldn’t rush over to attend to you just in time

and once hansol heard about it he rushed over to your house within like 0.2983293secs

he wrapped you up in thick blankets

and offered to cook for you

and he attended to all your needs despite being tired

soon after he fell asleep beside your bed with his head in his arms

and you couldn’t help but take in every detail of his features

you were utterly touched and stunned by his caring side

which he hardly ever showed to others

after this incident the both of you grew closer

and yuta being himself , he teases the both of you a lot

“ wow Y/N , 8 years of friendship gone just like that because of hyung , bye i’m off ”

“ why are you saying this yuta ”

“ because someone’s been stealing my bestfriend /eyes hansol/ ”

“ i did not steal her ”

“ and i’m not even yours wth yuta ew ”

“ you’re not mine but you should be his ”

then the both of you stare awkwardly at each other

blushing like mad

then two weeks later he showed up at your house ,

and he passed you a small notebook

and when you read the contents of it you almost cried

because it was hansol’s daily journal/daily entry of his feelings for you

all for 4 months

and you hugged him so tightly he almost choked

and when you tell him you like him too

he smiles like crazy and immediately pecks your forehead

so cute aw -and when the two of you cuddled in bed together that night ,

he thought you were still asleep so he called yuta to fanboy over the news

when in fact you were lying in his arms trying hard not to laugh

“ hyung did it !! guess who’s my girlfriend now ? ”

“ she’s so cute ”

“ ahh i love her so much ”

honestly the type of boyfriend which helps you in everything ,

he tries to cook for you ,

buy gifts

and he likes to compliment you , but very lowkey though

and he doesnt show much affection , but on days when he’s in a good mood ,

he hugs you really tightly , and loves burying his face in your hair

pecks on the cheeks too !!

even though he seems manly and tough he’s actually a really big softie

he’s too shy to even initiate kisses on the lips so you’re always the one doing so

and when you do he blushes like crazy

for like one whole hour

he’s so tol you look so tiny beside him

so he loves having his arms around your shoulder ,

and resting his head on yours

lots of backhugs too aw

it started when he was busy with work one day ,

so you crept up behind him and gave him a backhug

he froze at first but he turned around and hugged you back without saying any words

from that day on he loves surprising you with backhugs , and catching you offguard makes him giggle like a small kid all the time

when he gets jealous though , he gets really confident and starts speaking more ,

when normally he’s just quiet and not saying much

“ baby do you want to go home now ? ”

“ it’s still early hansol , is something wrong ? ”

“ he’s getting too close to you ”

“ babe he’s only my friend , you don’t need to worry ”

“ i love you ”

and that was the first time he ever said those three words first to you ,

both sincerely and genuinely

you were so touched and happy you agreed to leave early with him in the end

he has your picture set as his phone’s lockscreen

and on yours , it’s a picture of him sleeping on your lap

and he blushes everytime he sees that picture because your hand was on his head , your fingers touching his hair

when couple fight happens he’s always the first one to apologise

and he’s always on the verge of crying because he cant bear to leave you

yuta also plays an important in helping y'all to patch up ,

he’d lecture you with his wise words on the choices and decisions you should be making

and he reminds you of all the times hansol has been there for you at your lowest points when he couldn’t be

and when you broke down after you heard his words ,

yuta called hansol right away

and like always , he appeared within seconds and he comforted you

okay ngl but lots of binge-watching of animes & probably cartoon shows together

when he first told you he liked watching them you were shocked at first before y'all dated ,

“ you’re turning 23 soon hansol ”

“ but it’s really nice , i can guarantee ”

“ okay … but what if it isn’t ? ”

“ it is ”

and he said it with so much confidence you couldn’t help but watch it with him

now both of you are hardcore anime enthusiasts taeyong had to stop y'all from influencing winwin any further

but it’s too late , yuta already did

he lowkey bought y'all matching pokemon soft toy keychains

but you didn’t know until you noticed he had the same one hanging from his bunch of keys

he often posts one word description pictures of you online ,

“ Beautiful. ”

“ Stunning. ”

“ Mine ”

yuta unfollowed him once because he was posting like 8 pictures of you in a day with those captions

he’s a great listener so you often rant to him when you have problems ,

and even though he doesn’t give great advice ,his hugs and company never fails to make you feel better

but since he isn’t that good with words either , he has problems trying to speak/say out his feelings and thoughts

so he asks for nothing more than your hugs when he’s sad

he stares at you in awe like 24/7

and everytime you ask him ,

“ what are you staring at ? ”

“ You ”

“ why ?? ”

“ you’re beautiful ”

he’s so sweet ahh

in conclusion he’s someone you can lean on and ask help from

and he loves showering you with love even though it may not be obvious

dont sleep on him , he’s too adorable not to be loved

i hope you enjoyed this series and thanks for reading !!