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stxrvel · 8 months

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i don't wanna live forever (5)

summary: the time had come to destroy HYDRA and collect for all that had been taken from them...

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: 6k

warnings: descriptions of: blood, wounds, fights and weapons. probably gonna wake a lot of sadness since the begining. mentiones of suicide thoughts. heartbreak. stubborn characters. mentions of character deaths (canon). remember i'm not that good at writing action scenes and that English is not my first language!

note: hi guys! i didn't rest today at work. instead, i wrote 6k words for my actual hyperfixation and i'm actually exhausted. sometimes i write first in spanish and then in english, when my head is not up for the double translate, and leave the conversion to future me. this is future me talking and i hate myself for that. but i'm kind of proud how this one came out, so i hope you guys like it the same! feedback and reactions are always appreciated! see u guys next time <3

part 1

It was already getting dark when the small cellar you were in with your friends filled with applause and singing, a joy bouncing off the walls as you walked in Steve's direction with a grin from ear to ear. Your blond friend watched the small cake Peggy had gotten him that afternoon head towards him between your hands, setting it down on an upturned wooden barrel, a little damp, that they would use as a table.

Peggy and Bucky were off to the side, their faces matching your excitement as Steve reached down and shook his head.

“I don't even want to imagine how you got that cake in,” was the first thing Steve said when the happy birthday song ended, shooting you a grateful look. His eyes sparkled like you hadn't seen in many days and you felt Peggy's squeeze on your forearm as she came over to form a little circle just like Bucky.

“Trust me, you don't want to know,” Peggy shook her head, her smile matching the blond's.

You watched Steve split a piece of the cake with a spoon you had no idea where Peggy had gotten it from, your friend bursting out laughing when Steve raised his head and she smeared white cream all over his nose. At that moment you felt Bucky's body heat behind you, all your senses turning on at once.

“No candle, but you can make a wish before you take the first bite.”

Steve shared a look with his friend, still with that twinkle in his eye and the most relaxed expression he'd had in days. He was still wearing his uniform, having caught him by surprise to bring him into the warehouse after a long day of planning strategies for the next mission against HYDRA. You and Peggy had been thinking for several days about doing something, and being that it was rather difficult to throw a small party in the camp you were in, you decided to opt for something a little more ordinary and familiar. You couldn't say, however, that Steve didn't like it, not when you saw him smiling at everyone so openly, shoulders down and spreading laughter to everyone around him.

With the spoon halfway to his mouth, Steve closed his eyes and made a wish.

You smiled indulgently, watching two of your friends share a small moment as Steve took some more cake to give Peggy. With your hands behind your back, you suddenly felt Bucky's left hand make its way through your fingers, intertwining your hands very carefully.

“How's the taste?”

Steve shook his head nodding at your words, his brow furrowing in pleasure as he enjoyed the large bites he was taking of the cake. At that moment, all you could think about was how much you would sacrifice to stay in that bubble forever, even without knowing what was coming next.

“Are you okay?”

You heard his footsteps before you saw him, his body leaning against the second to last step where you had sat and turned away from the others. The routine you had had to get used to over the past few months, after believing you were going to change the world, had become a constant burden that was hard to shake off. Still, you took and cherished moments like those when you could go out and sit and just watch the vast sky stretching for miles. The stars shone so brightly there, in the middle of the forest, that they seemed like little beacons seeking to guide you to a better future; perhaps to a future that you did deserve. Steve also sometimes accompanied you in silence, having learned that he couldn't always argue with you about the meaning of life and the purpose for which you two had to carry out the unjust orders of superiors. You once saw one of his drawings, a woman sitting at the top of a flight of stairs and a starry night giving her a message of hope. Maybe he saw it the same way too after a while.

“Yeah,” you replied to Bucky with a tight-lipped little smile.

Bucky didn't know much about you now. As the weeks went by you realized it was true what he had once told you, when the America's couple shows and his platoon's stay coincided for the first time in months. You had changed a lot since the serum injection. And, well, who wouldn't, after all? That's why when you were together after so long he spent time very close to you, very aware of you, checking with his excellent senses that nothing was out of place. That you were okay.

You didn't know if he had believed you, by the way his face remained expressionless, barely a slight twitch of his eyebrows, but he didn't repeat the question.

“Do you think there's anything else for us, besides this?”

Bucky turned his gaze to look at the sky and you watched his profile, the curve of his eyelashes and his half-opened lips. Situations like that had become commonplace, too. Since you no longer spent so much time together and you had changed so much because somehow you had to adapt to the harsh reality against which you had crashed, Bucky constantly wondered many things about life that ended up being his own fears materialized in existential crises. For him his world was shaking. Since you told him that you had been invited to the Super Soldier project with Steve, everything had become uncertainty for him. Uncertainty about his life, about your life, about the life you wanted to have together, uncertainty about the future, uncertainty about life.

You had the conception that Bucky could never fully adapt to the abrupt change that meant his two best friends were involved in a private experiment that gave them heightened senses and more strength and speed than an average human. Now he seemed to looked at himself like the mere mortal who walked shoulder to shoulder with two gods. He seemed to feel that death would knock faster at his door and it drove him mad.

“Yeah, I don't think this is it,” you shook your head in assent, watching out of the corner of your eye as Bucky rested his forearms on his knees and leaned forward a bit. His hands interlocked and parted, his fingertips met and parted, his fists opened and closed.

“But you'll outlive me,” Bucky looked down, his blue eyes glittering focused on yours under the moonlight. You could barely hear movement in the back of the hold where Peggy and Steve were still talking. Your heart flipped at the vulnerability you saw through his eyes, lately more common than you'd like. You didn't like not being able to quell those thoughts that dominated his head; the insecurities and fears that made him doubt so many things in the middle of the night.

“We'd live the same amount of time,” you assured him shaking your head, your own mind refusing to accept that Bucky's fears could take more power over him. Whatever you could do to calm him, you would do, always.

“You have the serum. You and Steve will live for many more years. Hell, maybe you'll even be immortals,” Bucky tried to smile, but a grimace settled on his face and made his words bitter. He was subtly trying to untwist his shoulders, barely moving to your side trying not to show too much that he was kind of nervous.

“Why are you telling me that now?” you shifted on the wooden step, moving a little closer towards him. Bucky tensed visibly, not because of the closeness, but because he knew the moment was coming when you would stop following his lead and start asking him what was really plaguing his mind. For some reason, Bucky couldn't approach those topics of conversation naturally, letting his mind and words wander a bit before daring to take his fears by the horns.

“I don't know… I guess. It's a truth I have to accept,” he confessed, his voice so fragile and soft that had it not been for the extreme hearing the serum had granted you, you surely wouldn't have understood him. You felt your heart crumple and moved your hand from your lap to cradle his hands that he still could not let still.

“But it is a truth that is still a long way from being fulfilled.”

“And first we have to get through the war,” Bucky turned his hands to lace them with yours, his fingers intertwining with yours and giving them a squeeze.

“We will. I have no doubt about it. In fact, I have a plan to persuade Phillips,” you smiled at him trying to lighten the weight on his shoulders a bit.

Little surprised, Bucky let out a laugh, his free shoulders shaking in sync with his chest. A beautiful smile spread across his face, and you would've enjoyed it except you could still notice his tired eyes and the dark traces beneath them. It seemed that the moonlight intensified the reality of his emotions.

“You always have a plan for everything.”

“What can I say? I'm an optimist,” you lifted your shoulders, leaning against Bucky's side. His head dropped to rest on the crown of your head, his breathing synchronizing with yours for a moment.

“Between the two of us, you definitely are,” he murmured, taking a deep breath, enjoying the moment for several seconds. “Sorry for… coming to bring up those topics of conversation.”

“No, it's okay. I like to listen. And you tend to do that sometimes,” you shook your head over his shoulder trying to dispel the topic, Bucky's hands tightening around yours.

“What?”

“You suddenly talk about things you don't want to tell me too much about and then put a little light-hearted attitude on it so it doesn't sound so serious.”

Bucky lifted his head, causing you to move in time to meet his surprised expression as well. His lips were trying to twitch into a smile, but he didn't seem to know if he wanted to laugh or frown.

“Do I really do it that often?”

“A little, yes.”

“Ah, I'm pretty bad at dissembling I guess,” Bucky looked up, finally succumbing to the smile. The gesture satisfied you enough to delve into the emotion with him, taking a moment to further enjoy that scenario you could no longer be a part of lately; to enjoy those everyday moments where you could feel love materially spark around you, as if it was a novel written solely to satisfy human romantic desires and whims.

You shook your head, returning to the subject.

“But you don't have to worry about my supposed immortality. I know we'll live the same,” you assured him once more, your arms wrapping around his right arm and squeezing it securely, hugging him, trying to send him some of the confidence you felt inside.

“How are you so sure?”

The truth was, you weren't, but you couldn't let him know that, much less let him know that you didn't expect his life expectancy to be as extensive as yours was now either. But how were you going to tell him that? He must've been martyred enough by his own thoughts during every moment of the day when they drowned him, and it wasn't as if you expected too much of a life after him either. You could have immortality served on a silver platter, but what would be the point if you had to spend it on your own? Bucky was thinking about not wanting to leave you alone, and you were thinking about the impossibility of finding a reason to live after him.

“Because I know I don't want to live forever if I'm not with you.”

Bucky stopped his light, ghost-like caresses on your fingers. He turned his face to look at you, his nostalgic expression disappearing in a matter of seconds. His blue eyes looked contrite, as if there was a storm inside them. You had never hesitated in your answer, no matter when he had asked. And yet you seemed to have taken him by surprise; it seemed that such a thing would never have crossed his mind even by accident.

“Y/N…”

“I'd be living in vain. Stolen time,” you shook your head, averting your gaze from the depths of his, an unknown kind of longing or fear furrowing across his features that you couldn't bear to see a second longer. You were there at that moment and you would see each other again later, why did you have to think about it too much?

Bucky sighed. Only when you felt his body relax against your side did you know he understood that it would do no good for him to try to antagonize you.

“Still, you deserve a life like this. After all you've been through,” his voice was barely a whisper that tore through the silent chill that surrounded you, but the implication of his words furrowed against your chest like a dagger. You shook your head before the memories could reach you.

“We all deserve it, especially in this world consumed by the greed of power and hatred.”

You saw him nod out of the corner of your eye, his hands wrapping around one of your hands, the one closest to his side and bringing it up to his lips to kiss your knuckles. His eyes were fixed on your profile, you could feel it, but you were afraid to turn to look at him and allow your emotions to come out. You were too sweet to succumb to strong feelings when you were with Bucky.

“Hey!” was Steve's voice, like a beacon in the middle of the ocean, making you both turn at the same time. “Peggy's just leaving.”

“Want a ride, Barnes?”

“Ah, it would be my pleasure, Agent Carter.”

Peggy moved, after saying goodbye to Steve and you, and walked in the direction of the huge forest that stretched into the distance where she had parked her car. Or Howard's car, you couldn't quite make out through the darkness.

“See you later, Miss I-don't-want-to-live-forever,” Bucky approached you with a half smile, having said goodbye to Steve, meeting him halfway to melt you in his arms. The tension in your shoulders eased considerably, a sigh making its way into your chest.

“Take care, Bucky,” you squeezed his waist, because you weren't tall enough to reach his shoulders in a hug, and he squeezed you back in response.

“Sure thing. I got to see my girl again, after all.”

You laughed between the hollow of his neck and shoulder, feeling your cheeks burn. Bucky broke away just barely to look at you with his own huge grin.

“Don't overdo it, Barnes.”

“Come on!” Peggy insisted, glancing at the watch on her wrist.

You broke away from Bucky, trying to push him to get into the car with his affianced friend, but he had other plans. In the midst of your struggle to push him away, he grabbed one of your wrists, using very little force to pull you close to his chest, his lips crashing against yours in a fleeting action, but not at all rough, barely a brush. Before you knew what happened he had already pulled away from you.

“When I get back, we have a lot to talk about.”

He never came back. He left in the next couple of days for the mission on the train and all you got back was a shattered Steve, his face dirty and sticky from all the tears he'd shed, his pleading eyes crystallizing on you the moment he had to tell you that Bucky had died. You could still remember how his voice cracked as he begged your forgiveness, repeating it over and over as if it would ease the burden he felt on his shoulders, the guilt for not being able to get him in time. You never blamed Steve for what happened, but it seemed like he did for a long time.

Reliving those memories was always a constant martyrdom. After Bucky's funeral you didn't think you could move on, but carrying all his pain in a sack of rocks, Steve assured you that they would avenge the reason Bucky had died. HYDRA. So you did and were able to carry on for a while until Steve was also declared KIA.

Peggy and Howard were a great help when you realized that you couldn't die on your own, because you healed faster than normal and could spend more time than humanly possible underwater. To say that you didn't try to leave the earthly world would be a lie, but your friends tried to help you in every way they could until you had to leave the United States. When you thought you would have to spend years hiding in Europe, Howard told you that wasn't necessary. Just staying under the radar and out of the feds' jurisdiction would be fine and he would take care of it. And one day, after spending a week in the apartment you were renting without getting out of bed for almost any reason, a knock on the door startled you.

“Correspondence,” rang through the silence of the apartment.

You only got up because you knew the mailman was wrong. You had given your address to absolutely no one and there was no way any person knew of your existence in that country. You thought you took pity on the man, when he handed you the letter and it did indeed have your name on it.

It was an acceptance letter from some university. Apparently you had enrolled to study mathematics.

You had a suspicion of what was going on, but something in your chest asked you to ignore it. The letter asked for an interview before classes started in exactly three days, and after that interview you received a letter from Peggy.

When Howard died you knew you couldn't go back to Europe. Largely because you had to find out who his killer was, but also because you wanted to watch over Peggy's life as you couldn't do for your other three friends. You were often terrified for your friend's life, especially having the job she had and dealing with all those powerful people who wouldn't hesitate for the blink of an eye to order her death.

Steve was right. You stayed with Peggy to investigate Howard's death. But you also stayed because she was the only thing you had left and you had to take care of her; you had to preserve her, to do everything you could to prevent another tragic and unnecessary death. You would've sacrificed anything in life just to allow Peggy to have the life she deserved. And so you did. You cared for her for many years, you were so attentive to her that her children called you aunt and then her grandchildren called you grandma; you were at all her family gatherings, giving gifts to her children at Christmas and celebrating each new year as you watched time pass through her eyes. Every January 1st you saw it as a win, a whole year in which so much sacrifice had been worth it.

Now… well, now everything was a bit more complicated.

Natasha had left the abandoned dam first after going over the plan one last time. You were supposed to go with Steve and Sam, even though Steve was reluctant to have you near the Winter Soldier again, as if you didn't have the same strength and agility as he did. Of course, his fear was rooted in something completely different than that, something he and Natasha had discovered with Zola.

“HYDRA spent years searching for you to recreate the super-soldier serum after the war. If not for the excellent work Peggy and Howard did, they probably would've found you more easily.”

Now, having such a palpable possibility of destroying HYDRA, you didn't think there was the slightest chance that they were still thinking about it, although Natasha stressed that it seemed to be that the soldier had two different missions when he found them in the middle of the city, one of them being that he was to keep you alive. Zhivoy, you recalled bitterly. Alive.

Steve didn't want to risk finding something else waiting for them when they reached the helicarriers, something that might lead you away from him. And yes, you understood his concern because it was the same one you'd felt for years and was more latent recently since Steve returned. But you weren't going to stand by like a fucking statue while they did all the work. You would take it upon yourself to destroy HYDRA completely and deprive them of any chance they might have to get close to Steve, you or Bucky again. Whatever you had to do, you'd do it.

“He's not the same,” you had told Steve, as you walked to the Triskelion in the company of Sam and Maria.

“But he'll remember us,” Steve assured, his hand tightly gripping the strap with which he held the shield. Steve had been repeating that to himself all day, even in front of Sam. You couldn't believe you were the one trying to maintain an objective demeanor in that situation.

“Yeah, maybe at some point. But right now it's not him, Steve,” you turned to look at him, his face fixed on the expanse of water surrounding the large building he used to work for. “He's not the Bucky we knew.”

Steve looked back at you, pausing for a moment. You knew he was mindful of it, you knew Steve was aware of how dangerous he was now; that there was a good chance he really didn't remember them and you wanted to make sure that wouldn't cloud his judgment; that he would still fight for his life.

But the resolve in his eyes didn't convince you. His lack of response fanned a hollow in your chest, your hands breaking out in a cold sweat as you stared at the empty space he left in front of you.

Steve was willing to bring him back and you were afraid of losing him.

For some reason, you felt it had to be different.

You heard Steve's voice over the speakers, running so you could find the helicarriers exit before they took off. Steve and Sam were supposed to meet you halfway, but you were already halfway there, fighting off a few agents, and you still didn't hear them nearby. Your breath caught in your throat as one of the STRIKE agents grabbed you by the throat while another plunged an electric baton into your side, the sensation of volts coursing through your entire nervous system sending you into a momentary state of shock.

You dropped your hands to stop struggling with the agent behind you and grabbed the wrist holding the baton with an overly strong grip, snapping the bone in place and jerking your head to strike the face of the man behind you as his grip wobbled for a second. Both agents fell to the ground, two bones broken in less than a minute. You grabbed the baton before departing, hitting them both in the head barely using half your strength, knocking them unconscious instantly.

As you exited the Triskelion facility to meet the gap you would have to jump over to intercept the first helicarrier, you heard Steve and Sam's voices closer. Oh, right, you forgot to use the communicator.

“Where were you?” Steve exclaimed, running alongside Sam closer to the chasm.

“You've got blood on your neck,” Sam pointed out, before spreading his metal wings and flying off into the sky.

“Put on your communicator,” Steve asked you just before you both jumped at the same time, a feeling of emptiness planting itself in the pit of your stomach.

You landed with your legs bent and leaned forward for a spin before getting up and continuing to run alongside Steve. You rummaged in one of your pants pockets, praying that the small devices hadn't been shattered during the fights you had inside the Triskelion.

Only one was spared.

Steve barely sent you a reproachful glance, shaking his head, as you approached a horde of HYDRA agents. You barely finished putting the small communicator to your ear when the hail of bullets came in their direction. Steve grabbed your arm to pull you behind his shield until he managed to hide behind two large containers. The fight was immediate.

The group of agents split up and you jumped right in front of two of them, sliding on the ground to use the baton from below to disarm them. You knocked one of them out with the high volts of the baton and the other tried to stab you from behind, but you stopped his hand midway and flipped his arm over, a shriek of pain escaping him as his shoulder dislocated. The man fell to his knees and, lifting one leg, you half-turned to strike his face with your full tibia.

“Cap, I found the bad guys you were talking about,” you heard Sam's voice, noting that, although that communicator was working, the voice you perceived sounded distant.

“Are you okay?” you heard Steve, as he came closer and you stepped on the handle of the staff, lifting it in a single stroke so that it landed in your hand.

“Not dead yet.”

Steve nodded, though he knew Sam couldn't see him and gave you a questioning look.

“Works?” he pointed to your ear, starting to pace.

“A little bruised, but does the job.”

Your friend shook his head, starting to run inside the helicarrier.

“Cap?” you smirked.

“Don't start,” the blond spoke through his teeth, moving toward his target. “Report location.”

You nodded in his direction, heading for the first agents who appeared to obstruct his path, clearing Steve's way in the direction of the helicarrier hub.

When you were done with the agents and Steve was finally able to enter the control center, you turned your attention to the voices ringing through the communicator.

“Ah, shit,” was Sam's voice, and the next thing you heard was gunfire around the helicarrier next to it.

“Fine, but you're going with me. I don't want to let you out of my sight,” Steve had said a few hours before they left the dam, leaving no room for argument in his haughty voice.

“That's unnecessary, Steve. We'd waste too much time,” you shook your head, trying to match his stoic, stern expression.

“She's right,” Maria nodded in your direction. “There are three helicarriers and three of you.”

“No,” Steve began to rise, your eyes following the movement of his body and his blue eyes fixed on yours. “Fury delegated orders to me, and that's an order.”

You indulged Steve until you lost sight of him, understanding he had said that out of pent-up fear. You grabbed one of the weapons that had been left on the ground and passed the strap over your head. The third helicarrier was a considerable distance away at a jump. You had to pick up too much speed to even make it to the tip, but you weren't going to stand there waiting for Steve when you could be doing something more; something necessary.

So that's what you did. Steve still hadn't reported state when you started running from tip to tip, your steps getting bigger with every second until you reached the gap and picked up momentum at the tip. That was insane. You felt the emptiness in your stomach again and out of the corner of your eye you could see a couple of explosions occurring in the harbor where the helicarriers had departed from. You stretched your arms out, counting on having propelled your body far enough, fearing a deadly fall as the other edge began to look higher and higher.

“Y/N, status,” you heard Hill, your heart in your mouth.

Your mind went blank for a second, when in the midst of the adrenaline you almost didn't even feel the moment when your left hand gripped the edge of the helicarrier tightly, the aircraft moving a little farther with each passing second. You had jumped at just the right moment.

Breathing hard, you propelled yourself upward until you could plant your feet back on the runway floor and replied to Maria, “Waiting.”

Steve must've thought you were still on the helicarrier with him.

As you ran, Sam reported that he had intercepted the second helicarrier after Steve, barely recognizing their voices amidst the tussle you were having with the agents who had appeared before you could reach the control room door.

“Y/N, where are you?” the voice of Steve came over the comm, a few minutes after you took down the last agent, moving in the direction of the metal door. You felt heavily for the programming card you had taken from Steve when he had pulled you close to get behind his shield, as you heard him ask Sam if he could see you.

You were about to reach the door when the scenery abruptly changed, a body appearing out of nowhere colliding into your left side sending you crashing to the ground hard.

“Shit.”

“Y/N?”

You ignored Steve's voice, moving to push off the heavy body on top of yours. Amidst the struggle you crawled away across the floor, a hand clutching at your ankle before you could move any further.

You recognized him by the coldness that ran through your body at the contact. You could almost be sure it had burned you.

This time he wasn't wearing the mask, those blue eyes boring deep into your head, the angry expression very different from how you had seen him last time. Although you would've liked to stay longer just watching, after spending so many years suffering his death, you pulled the leg he had held captive and tried to hit him in the face, his metal arm moving faster neutralizing the hit.

At that moment you stood up arching your back, planting your feet hard and running towards the soldier before he could catch you off guard.

You tried to strike his face, but he nimbly dodged every blow, just as you dodged his. He let out a grunt of frustration as you sent him to the ground with a kick to the chest, pulling a weapon from his side that he didn't hesitate a second to point in your direction. Feeling the air caught in your throat, you moved quickly on the ground, trying to escape his bullets while managing to find a place to hide.

You heard his footsteps approaching, as you hid behind a container, stopping just on the other side, and you moved to the right side of the container when you knew he was going to jump out and surprise you from above.

His body froze for a second, which you took advantage of to jump over the dumpster and grab him from behind, the baton you had on your belt wrapped around his neck, cutting off his breathing. You tried to hold him tight as he tried to push away your grip with his metal arm, almost as strong as your push to keep him in place.

The soldier began to slow his movements, but if you hadn't been so torn between he's the Winter Soldier and he's Bucky, you would've noticed one of his hands move over his vest, grabbing the handle of a knife and burying it in your right leg hard, all the way in, causing you to gasp.

Clearly your grip wobbled, the soldier taking possession of your staff and turning around as he pulled the blade out of your leg to direct his foot towards your chest, pushing you back to the ground where you fell with a loud thud.

The wound was deep. You could feel and hear the blood pouring out of it, but you didn't just stand there as you saw him leap down from the container, raising his arms to parry his attack as he directed the knife towards your face. His face contorted and scrunched up in concentration was all you could focus on, remembering that you couldn't let him win, but you also couldn't hurt him like he wanted to hurt you. You had to be objective, yes, but the thought of hurting him once more was heartbreaking.

You struggled with his hand until he let go of the knife, using your strength and trying to ignore the sharp pain in your leg from the effort to push him to the ground beside you with your hand on his neck and your leg around his waist, lying on top of him with one leg on each side.

At that moment, as you tried to keep your arm over his neck and he tried to weaken you by hitting your sides, you heard Steve and Sam's voices again. A small panic ran through your body which was enough for the soldier to push your arm away, grabbing you by the neck with his metal arm and bringing a gun close to your face as he rose up, taking you with him, until he slammed you into a wall with great force.

You raised your hand between your bodies to move the tip of the gun, the shot falling a short distance above your head, your exorbitant eyes watching his furious expression. His metal hand closed tighter and tighter around your neck, your breath hitching, but you didn't relinquish your grip on the hand still holding the gun.

In the midst of the struggle, you brought your knee up to strike his crotch. The soldier jerked away, a whimper dying in his mouth as you moved toward him again, pushing his arm away as he pointed the gun at you again and the shot landed somewhere behind you again.

You hit him in the face with your own head, one of your hands holding his right arm with the gun and the other trying to keep his metal arm that held the knife dripping with your blood at bay. You hit him full in the nose again, but even though the blood was starting to drip down, the soldier didn't budge one bit.

“Go!” you shouted to Steve and Sam, the soldier averting his attention for a tiny moment before struggling against your grip again.

You had to break free somehow to get the card to Steve. Your body began to give way with the soldier's thrust, your boots sliding on the floor like it was marble. The soldier began to close his arms and you tried to match his strength, but the blood leaking from the wound in your leg was slowly weakening you. And it was a vibranium knife again.

Suddenly you noticed Steve running towards you, the fleeting glance costing you restraint, as the soldier raised your arms and turned you roughly, his back crashing against your chest and his metal hand burying in your chest the knife hard, moving it from side to side as he did that cold night in Siberia.

In the midst of the pain and weakness from the blood loss, you laid your head on his shoulder, the adrenaline slowly draining from your body.

“Bucky,” you whispered like a prayer, your strangled voice barely making its way out of your mouth and the soldier tensing behind you. The struggling stopped for a second.

Then his body heat disappeared. Steve must've reached and tackled the soldier without missing a beat.

“Hey, hey,” you heard Sam approaching you, kneeling beside you and taking your hand that wanted to pull the knife out of your chest. Right through the center, near the heart. That pain was no match for the disappointment that was tearing you apart inside. Maybe that time you could actually die. “Don't touch that.”

“Give the card to Steve…” you barely muttered breathlessly, one of your hands moving to pull the card out of one of your lower pants pockets. “Run.”

Sam hesitated for a few seconds, looking between your knife and the fight that was still picking up steam in the background, until he clicked his tongue and stood up.

“Don't take that knife out!”

You saw him run in the direction of Steve and the soldier, his metal wings rising in the midst of the struggle. Steve and Sam began to get the upper hand, and at some point, Steve took off in the direction of the helicarrier control center.

You dropped to the ground, watching helplessly as the soldier overpowered Sam, dislodging his wings with the force of his metal arm. The pain was too much, but Sam was completely helpless. No matter how much training he might've had, fighting the Winter Soldier was disproportionate.

So in a matter of seconds you stood up, grasping between gasps the handle of the knife and pulling it out of your chest without a second thought.

The electric current of pain that coursed through your body was unbearable, feeling as if the hollowness you constantly felt in your chest from emotions had suddenly materialized, a constant pang that coursed through you from head to toe at every microsecond, with every movement. Sam didn't even have time to react when you grabbed the soldier by the throat, burying the knife in his leg and trying to wave him off.

You could consider yourself well served if at that moment that was your death.

The soldier grabbed the arm around your neck and leaned forward, lifting you up and flipping you over onto your back, falling hard and painfully to the ground. You looked at the knife in his leg before looking at his face again. He had a couple of cuts, his expression still angry, but he seemed to hesitate as he pulled the knife out like it was nothing and watched you lying on the ground, completely at his mercy.

His hesitation brought unease to your chest.

“Bucky,” you called again, tears welling in your eyes.

The soldier only frowned, his anger momentarily fading until he seemed to remember something.

He turned to look at the control center. Before running off, he sent you another disgruntled look, just like that time on the road.

Whatever had happened after that, death or not, was extremely painful.

tag: @samodivaa @rubyxx16

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guppygiggles · 2 days

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Let's Get Physical!

What: Tickle fluff with a dash of mild hurt/comfort.

Word count: ~2.3k

Universe: Sea & Sky AU

Who: Avery, Casper, Finnegan.

Description: Avery gives Finnegan a physical. Emotional bonding and cuddling between the three of them. Just a little oneshot with a bit of tickling for everyone!

Friday afternoon couldn't have come soon enough.

As I made the short trek home from the bank, my eyes trained on the lighthouse as it stood tall against the afternoon sky. After glaring at my computer screen and paperwork for eight hours, it was a relief to stare at something beautiful and distant. I rolled my tired shoulders, wincing in pain as I did. Maybe I could talk Avery into giving me one of his expert massages… Not that I deserved it, I thought, after how neglectful I’d been him and Finn all week. I frowned, remembering how many times I'd fallen asleep watching TV with them -- I definitely needed to make up for lost time this weekend. I shuffled up the stone steps and turned the lighthouse’s antique doorknob, wiping my feet on the strawberry-print mat as I entered.

“Caspeheher! Hehehehelp!”

No sooner had I walked through the door – key still in-hand – than my arms were full of triton as Finn crashed into me, nearly knocking us both over. He squeezed me as if he hadn't seen me in weeks, giggling as he nuzzled his face into my neck. With some effort, I deposited my keys and wallet into the plastic tray and shuffled out of my shoes, just in time to watch Avery appear in the foyer. He was grinning in that characteristic, long-suffering way of his as he shook his head.

“What are you doing to this fish?” I asked, chuckling as Finn scrambled out of my arms and hid behind me.

“Well, I was just trying to give him a routine physical,” Avery replied, “but as you can see, it isn't going well.”

“He’s lying!” Finn protested, laughter riding beneath his words. “He was tickling me!”

I quirked an eyebrow at Avery, who rolled his eyes upward, offering a sheepish grin-and-shrug combo that told me everything I needed to know. For the first time that day, I giggled.

“Do you need an assistant to help with this patient, Dr. Nimbus?” I asked playfully, reaching back to pinch Finn's side without taking my eyes off the cloudman, eliciting a ticklish squeal.

“Why, yes! Thank you for offering, I believe that would be quite helpful!”

“What?! You traitor!” Before I could snatch him, Finnegan darted past me and was scampering back up the stairs with a gleeful laugh. I wondered why Avery didn't stop him… until the elemental floated gracefully over to me, pulling me into a deep and comprehensive embrace. I sighed with relief, my eyes automatically closing as I laid my head on his chest, listening to the quiet storm inside his body. Bergamot and old paper wrapped around my olfactory nerve like a warm blanket – I was finally home.

“Hi, dewdrop.”

“Hey, peach.”

“How was your day?”

“Tiring… This audit is wearing me out. I'm really sorry I haven't been much fun to be around this week… I promise I'll make it up to you and Finny.”

“You know you don't have to apologize for that, sweetheart. We're both so proud of how hard you work, and we understand when you're tired.” Avery's large, soft hand stroked my upper back. As it did, I felt his fingers get curious around my shoulders, pressing and palpating my achy muscles. I flinched through a cocktail of ticklishness and pain. “Oh, oh… Sorry, did that hurt? My goodness, you are tense. You've been hunching over your desk again, haven't you?”

I blushed a little. No matter how many times Avery tried to correct my posture, I always fell back into old habits as soon as work got too stressful.

“Aheh… Maybe a little… Sorry.”

“Oh, Casper… Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he chided, his touch turning softer and playing around my shoulders and neck, making me laugh and squirm.

“Ehehe~! Okay, I'll- ahaha! I'll w-work on ihihhihit!”

“You'd better, or you'll be in for a much more serious tickling than this!” Avery teased, continuing to tickle a bit more before stopping, his eyes tender as he looked at me. “Really, though… I'll give you a nice massage later, okay? I don't want you to be in pain.”

I felt my ears flush as I turned my attention to the foyer wall, my mind wandering to Avery's cool, pillowy doctor's hands coated in massage oil, squeezing and kneading my bare shoulders…

I cleared my throat, meeting his eyes only briefly, as if staring too long would allow him to read my mind.

“Don't we have a fish to torment?”

“Ah, yes! I'm sure he's up there getting impatient… which makes me worry for the state of our home. Shall we?”

He gestured to the stairwell. I took a step forward, then halted, eyeing him warily.

“... After you.”

Avery grinned. “No, really. I insist.”

“You’re a doctor; such a title affords you the right to go first, don't you think? Please permit me to offer this token of my respect.”

I watched him try not to laugh. So was I, but I was better at it.

“...You flatter me. Very well, I'll lead on.”

I let Avery believe I wasn't going to do anything. I was certain that by the time we’d passed the halfway point, I'd convinced him of my innocence. Surely if I'd planned on doing something, I would've by then. Right?

Right…?

Wrong. With about ten steps in the winding staircase to go, I reached up and gave the elemental a quick scribbling along both of his sides. Avery gasped in surprise, followed by a flurry of defeated, yet joyful laughter.

“Oh, you cheeky little-”

Just like Finnegan had done to me earlier, I ducked under Avery's hands as he reached back to snatch me, clambering to pass him on the staircase. Unlike Finn, though… dodging Avery's hands didn't guarantee my safety, as a forceful gust of wind knocked me backwards and right into his arms. I screeched with laughter as he lifted and tossed me like a sack of potatoes over his soft shoulder, my legs kicking as he easily carried me the rest of the way.

“Oh, no you don't,” he admonished, reaching up to tweak the crease at the top of my thigh with his thumb and forefinger. Panicked laughter filled the living room we now stood in as I thrashed, but none of my wriggling did any good; he was simply too strong. Avery chuckled as he gently pinched, forcing a torrent of squealing, frantic laughter from me, until he deposited me carefully on the couch.

“Did you know I was going to do that?” I asked, still giggling.

“I had a suspicion… but I will concede that you lulled me into a false sense of security.”

“Yessss!” I cheered, earning another lighthearted glare as he reached down with both hands, quickly wiggling his fingers along my sides and belly. I curled into a ball on the couch, filling the room with my hysterical squawking as he tickled any spot he could reach.

“You might be a systems admin, but you moonlight as a troublemaker, don't you?”

“NOHOHOHOOO!”

“I think you doooo~” He lilted, worming his fingers under my arms, between my neck and shoulder, and any other ticklish creases I created with my defensive posture. I was still screeching as Finn appeared in the doorway.

“Don't worry, Casper, I'll save you!” His bare, webbed feet made a sound like a duck running as he charged Avery, who whirled on him before Finnegan had a chance to try anything, easily scooping the triton into his arms and nuzzling into him.

“EEEEEHEhehehee!” Finn laughed, his fingers squishing Avery’s soft head as the cloudman kissed his neck.

“And they say chivalry is dead,” Avery tittered, taking a seat on the sofa beside me, Finn still in his arms. “Will you please let me finish your physical, brave warrior? I'm almost done, I promise... I just need to check your belly, now.”

Finn sighed dramatically, then sprawled across Avery's lap, adjusting his body such that his head rested on my thigh. I grinned down at him.

“Hi, Finny-Finn-Finn.” I swept his hair back and leaned down to kiss his forehead. The warmth of his scales was always a bit of a surprise, especially compared to Avery's chilly skin.

I was expecting Avery to go in for the kill, but as I watched him methodically inspect Finn's abdomen, I realized he was conducting a legitimate physical. He gently pressed and palpated the softer scales of his belly as he used his free arm to keep the merman’s squirmy legs still. Finn giggled, and I couldn't blame him; I'd been on the receiving end of plenty of physicals from Avery, too, and I knew those fingers tickled no matter how professional he tried to be. In the back of my mind, I knew it was likely a conflict of interest for Avery to treat us… but since he was the only doctor in Port Oleander – and more importantly, one of the few on land who could treat merfolk – I supposed an exception had been permitted.

“Does any of this hurt, Finn? Has your belly been hurting at all, lately?”

“N-no, it's not hurting. Uhm… my belly hurt last night, after dinner, though…” He admitted.

I frowned, unable to recall him saying anything about a stomach ache. Last night had been my turn to cook. I wasn't a great cook to begin with, and admittedly… it was difficult to prepare meals that both Finnegan and Avery could eat; the elemental couldn't digest any food that was too dry, and Finn’s rainbow trout biology was primarily carnivorous. Soups, stews, and curries were common in our house – dinner last night had been red curry with chicken.

“What kind of hurt? Was it stabbing, dull, hot, achy…?” Avery asked, concerned.

“Hot, especially when I was laying down in bed.” Finn looked away from me. Avery and I exchanged a glance.

“I'm sorry, Finn… I probably made it too spicy. I won't make that again. Why didn't you say anything? I would've gotten you some medicine to help you feel better.” I stroked Finn's hair back again, my face etched with guilt. Now that I was thinking back to the previous night, he had seemed more quiet than usual… but I had been too tired to comment on it, chalking it up to him being tired, too. I kicked myself; Finn was never tired. The only time the triton lacked energy was in the five – maybe ten – minutes wherein he would go from bouncing off the walls to being dead asleep. Had I been more observant, I would've realized that.

Finnegan's eyes were serious as he looked back at me, an expression that seemed foreign on his gamine face. He looked away again, though, as he started to speak.

“It's just… you've been working so hard this week, Caspy, and I didn't want to hurt your feelings or make you worry about me.”

I couldn't bring myself to meet Avery's eyes again as an arrow of regret pierced my heart. I really had been disconnected from them all week.

“Finn… nothing is more important to me than you and Avery, okay? I’m sorry I've been so busy this week, I should've paid more attention to how you were feeling. Please don't suffer in silence again, okay? If your tummy hurts – or anything hurts – please promise you'll tell us from now on.”

Finn's tail swished uncomfortably… but he managed a smile, looking up at me again.

“Okay, I'll tell you from now on… I promise.” He shifted his gaze to Avery, whose hands were still resting on his scaly belly. “Am I done, now?”

It occured to me then that the part of the physical Finnegan disliked wasn't the tickling, it was staying still. Avery's concerned expression relaxed; a rainbow after a storm.

“Yes! You're a very healthy fish, Finn. Just keep remembering to soak in the tub at least once a day when you can't go swimming, so your gills stay healthy and your scales don't dry out.”

“Okay!” He was already off the couch, stretching his arms over his head and swishing his tail, as if laying across our laps for ten minutes had made him stiff. I shook my head, grinning. “I'll go for a swim right now, actually! Love you, Caspy! Love you, Avery! Bye, bye, bye, bye!” Each ‘bye’ grew progressively quieter as he descended the stairs, tail thumping clumsily the whole way down.

Once he was out of earshot, I looked down at my hands.

“I feel so bad… he got sick because of me, and he didn't even say anything.”

Avery shifted, pulling me into his arms again. I rested against his soft, cool body.

“He got a bit of a tummy ache from eating something too spicy, not an incurable disease, hehe. You won't make that dish again, and he'll tell you next time something doesn't agree with him. No need to worry yourself sick, okay? Life is unpredictable and stressful, sometimes… but we're your family, Casper. We understand.”

I snuggled against Avery's side as he held me, my throat constricting as he said the last few words. He looked down at me, and then I felt my favorite little tickle under my chin, coaxing me to look at him.

“Now… I believe I need to tend to my other patient, hm? Why don't we start your weekend with a little physical therapy on those shoulders? I swear, you're wound up tighter than an eight day clock.” He brought me up with him as he stood, strong arms carrying me bridal-style in the direction of the bedroom, giving me no room to protest.

Not that I would have. My fingertips fiddled with the collar of his shirt, the ghost of a coy smile dancing across my lips.

“Alright, doctor… but you'll have to let me return the favor, afterwards. After all, I've got a whole week's worth of lost time to make up for. Think you can handle that much…?”

The shade of cerulean that rose in his cheeks told me he caught my meaning, and I watched his wisp of surprise turn into a bashful giggle.

“Can't wait, dewdrop.”

#I wrote this at like 3am #Well - most of it. The beginning gave me a bit of writer's block strangely but I got past it!#tickle fic #fluffylore #tickle fluff #avery nimbus #casper reid #finnegan reed #tickling #tickle #tickling community #tickles #hurt/comfort #fluff fic #sea and sky au #s&s au

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shimmershy · 1 year

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There's Only One Thing Left to Say, This Time (Undertale Fanfic)

New fanfic time! When I started writing this, I got the idea mostly because 1. I've been having trouble "moving on" from things in my own life recently and wanted to try processing it through fic and 2. it was the end of the school year for me and I had been saying a lot of goodbyes, so it felt thematically relevant. I wrote almost the entire thing impulsively at like three am a couple weeks ago and really impressed myself lol.

Chara Week Day 7: Free (I know it's over, but shhhh it still counts)

Summary:

You're having trouble saying goodbye, but the thing is that you don't have to! If you keep Resetting just before it's all over, you'll never have to be by yourself again. Right? You haven't known them long, and maybe they weren't super nice at the start, but they were there for you every step of the way. They listened to you and helped you when no one else would. You can't just let them disappear… You can't. ...But you can't keep doing this forever, Frisk. You have to let me go.

Characters: Chara and Frisk

Word count: 4,763 words

(Ao3 link in reblog!)

There's only one thing left to say this time,

I hope you're fine, goodbye.

– “Goodbye” by The Altogether

It isn’t until the third True Reset that I realize what this is all about, and when I do, I feel silly for not realizing it before.

I can still feel the way the bitterness worked its way under my skin the first time you brought everyone back. Which, is actually quite impressive on your part! Seeing as I don’t have skin anymore. I suppose it worked its way under your skin, then, because you wouldn’t stop apologizing to me in your head as you made your way through the Ruins. I should have been the one apologizing to you, Frisk. It’s no business of mine what you do with your own life, and you have no business feeling my emotions for me. This connection we have can be troubling, at times.

Still, it felt like a betrayal, and you offered me no explanation, so I could not understand.

I understood a little better when you decided to stay with Toriel for a while. Despite my obvious frustration and impatience, you sat and listened to her snail facts. You let her show you that bug-hunting spot she mentioned, and you spent time helping her run errands and letting her teach you how to cook. You even got to the point where she started giving you classes, as if you planned on staying. I assumed it was sentimentality, then. Perhaps there was something about the Underground that you didn’t want to leave behind. Maybe you weren’t ready to go back to living on the surface just yet. It’s not as if I could blame you for that one.

What I didn’t notice (and what I am noticing now), was how much attention you were giving me. And well, it’s not that I didn’t notice. I was just too busy being annoyed about it, and rightfully so. Can’t the narrator of your life narrate in peace? I do not care for superfluous conversation. And that’s not even the worst of it. Frisk, you should not be so casual about sharing control of your body, That’s like, the one thing you should never have to share. Sure, it happened one time, but I only stepped in because you were so afraid, and I didn’t even realize it was happening until it was me that the spears were getting shot at. That’s different. I will not take control of your body just to eat a slice of pie. Your pity for me is insulting.

What’s troubling is that it doesn't seem to be going away.

You take your first shivering step into Snowdin (for the fourth time, I can’t help but note) without so much as a glance behind you. This time, you left Toriel with no hesitation, and I know it’s because you know I didn’t want to stay. You’re not even trying to hide it. This is when I finally decide it’s time to confront you.

What are you doing? I ask.

“I’m…walking?” you respond, confused, through thoughts. Your boots crunch satisfyingly through the snow to prove your point. Crunch, crunch, crunch. I huff in frustration.

Frisk. Why do you keep Resetting?

This stops you (and your crunchy boots) in your tracks, and suddenly I can feel anxiety radiating off of you. You weren’t expecting me to ask you this directly.

When you don’t respond, I continue, a little bit of venom coating my words despite my best efforts. For the third time now, you have made it to the end, broken the barrier, only to start all over again. Do you not feel even the slightest bit of remorse?

“Of course I feel bad!” you’re quick to say, as if you’re surprised I would assume otherwise. “But…we’ll still get there again in the end; it’s not that big a deal.”

That’s a horrible excuse.

“Why’re you so angry about it?” Your voice comes out sharp in the frigid air.

Why are you so stubborn?

“What’re you even talking about?!”

You’re trying to delay the inevitable.

You’re about to debate me on that, too, in a defensive way rather than a genuinely angry way. But you stop, because you suddenly understand that I understand, and the anxiety returns. You continue walking after a brief hesitation.

Goodbyes are never easy, I say, as gently as I can. (It ends up sounding forced anyway.)

You ignore me, and I allow you to.

~~~

What are you going to do once you get back to the surface? Once you decide to stay?

You’ve made it to Waterfall at this point, having made it through Snowdin without much event. You’re getting a little tired of doing the same thing every time; I can tell, but you would never admit to it.

You kick a stone on the ground, watching as it disappears into the dark grass. “I dunno.” (“I dunno-”) (“-dunno-”)

Your own voice travels around you in echoes and fragments. You really shouldn’t talk out loud like this in the middle of all these echo flowers. Number one, it’s annoying, and that should be reason enough, but number two, you shouldn’t make a habit of talking out loud to the voice in your head at all. People are going to think you’re weird. And I mean, you’re already pretty weird, but do you really want the reputation of “the weird kid who talks to themself” stuck to you even after I’m gone?

I didn’t even realize you were listening to all that, but you flinch at that last part, not only mentally but physically too, and I try to ignore the fact that you’re proving my point.

I hum thoughtfully. You “don’t know”? That’s certainly an issue then, isn’t it?

You start to fidget with the hem of your sweater and return to talking to me through thoughts, much to my relief. “I just haven’t thought much about it.”

This is a lie. But I don’t point that out to you.

You’re in a part of Waterfall that you’ve never seen before. Admittedly, it’s not much different to the parts you have seen before, but the fact that it’s new at all is good enough for you. You’re trying to explore the area as much as you can this time around, because you’ve realized just how expansive Waterfall really is and the curiosity you came here with the first time still hasn’t left you. You’ve barely seen a fraction of the place, and you definitely won’t manage to see all of it, but you’re certainly going to try.

I might take this time to remind you that no matter how many times you’ve befriended her in the past, Undyne is still hunting you down in this timeline. So maybe taking the time to look at every blade of grass there is to look at isn’t the best idea. But whatever.

There are quite a few echo flowers growing in this area, as I mentioned before. It seems more secluded than the rest of the caverns that make up Waterfall, if that’s even possible. You can see the main path you usually walk from where you’re standing, separated from you by a large expanse of luminescent cyan water, and an overwhelming sense of calm washes over you. It’s like this is a little cove carved out just for you, safe from everything that may hurt you. It’s hard for me not to feel the same sense of calm. Whether it’s just the spilling over of your emotions or completely and entirely mine is hard to tell, but it doesn’t really matter.

Why don’t we sit here for a minute? I ask. You let out a breath and descend to the ground, hugging your knees and resting your head against the rough cavern walls without hesitation, as if you were waiting for me to say just that.

It’s nice to just be here, for me, with you, like this. Together. Your hands are intertwined in the way that I know means you’re trying to hold my hand, in whatever way you can. We look out at the stillness of the water, listening to the sound of rushing waterfalls in the distance. We both must be thinking about the same thing, now, because although I don’t agree with the Resets, I understand why you don’t want to leave, to some extent. Have you convinced me that you’re right? Have I felt this way the entire time and simply didn’t realize until now? I can’t say for certain. But I’m becoming increasingly aware of my own fear of reaching the end.

“Chara?” you say, voice cracking a little. The sound of my name spoken aloud and echoed around by the echo flowers startles me. “It’s just that…I really, really don’t wanna be by myself again.”

I feel tears pricking at your eyes. The honesty in your voice stings.

You won’t be by yourself, I try halfheartedly. Everyone will be up there with you.

You reposition to rest your head on your knees. “You know what I mean,” you whisper, and after a moment you say. “You’re not gonna be there.”

…Right. Of course.

That is the funny thing about good things, see. About journeys and stories. And lives. They end. Sometimes (always) too soon.

I do not know what I was expecting the first time you made it to the surface. What, was I just going to live inside your head forever? Would you want that? Would I? The strangest thing happened when you stepped over that threshold where the barrier once stood, when everyone else followed you out. I felt you pull away from me, and then I watched the back of your head as you walked out into the sun. It was a bit disorienting. I wasn’t seeing through your eyes anymore, I was just…there. Watching. Barely even there, because I couldn't feel you there justifying my existence anymore.

I don’t think there was a doubt in either of our minds about what that meant. As everyone else chatted in awe of how beautiful the sun was, you looked back at me (although I don’t think you really saw me, just the empty opening of the cave). There was confusion, or sadness, or panic on your face. I’ve never had to read your face from the outside before, what a funny thing to realize. Whatever emotion it was, it was enough to make you Reset. And then again, and again. It really was for my sake, then.

This makes me feel a strange mixture of things, but the feeling of guilt sticks out like a sore thumb. Frisk, I don’t want you to feel any sort of…obligation? Or anything? To keep me alive. I’ve been wanting to be dead for a long time.

It’s a lame attempt at humor to lighten the mood, but as soon as I think it, I realize how unfunny it sounds. It kind of stops being a joke when it’s true.

Still, you reply, “It’s not like that. You know that.”

You are making some awfully bold assumptions here, though they’re not entirely false. I’m inclined to ask, what is it like then? Would moving on with your life not be the best option here? Everything is going to work out for you. And, hey, you won’t even have to put up with an annoying ghost in your head anymore.

“What if I like the annoying ghost in my head?”

Well, then you’re weird. But we’ve already established that.

That gets a smile out of you. “See? You always make me feel better,” you think, and I want to roll my eyes at that. I want to remind you of all the times I made you feel worse rather than better, but I stay quiet for now.

“…Before I came here,” you start, eyes trained on the ground as you fidget with the grass there, “I was alone a lot. It wasn’t so bad, but…it wasn’t so good either.” You shrug one of your shoulders. “I dunno. I didn’t think about it much. I had to take care of myself, and there was never anyone there…to say it’d be okay, or to tell me dumb jokes, or just be there…y’know?”

Yeah. I do know.

…

“I kinda panicked when I left the Underground and you weren’t there. You were just…gone, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even really mean to Reset, I just didn’t think, and I-“

You sigh.

“I just really care about you. You’re like my best friend, Chara- ‘N that’s what it’s like. It’s like saying goodbye to your best friend.”

Oh.

Ha ha. Yes, I really do know that, don’t I?

“Wait, augh. I-I probably shouldn’t’ve said it like that, I’m sorry-“

No, Frisk, there is no need to apologize. It is fine. It’s fine.

Your fingernails claw into the grass and the dirt beneath.

I know. I know what you mean. I really do.

I try not to think of my brother. I fail.

I did not think you would care so much. It’s- (stupid), I want to say, but you are not stupid. (See, caring about me always gets people hurt), I want to say, but that’s not your fault. (What did you expect?), I want to say. (I don’t believe you), I want to say. (I don’t understand you), I want to say. I can’t- I can’t say any of that. I can’t say anything to you, right now.

You- you nod, a little concerned, but you give me space. You bring your hands together again and gaze out at the water again for a minute. Then, finally, you decide to continue onwards. You have a fish monster to face.

~~~

Being here doesn’t get easier, no matter how prepared I am after each Reset. The grey, achromatic walls and floors. The feeling of despair in the air. The stillness. It directly contrasts my memories of warmth and color and love in this home. It reminds me too much of dust.

I stay quiet as you kneel in front of the save star. It glows in a steady, consistent way, light flowing out from the center and disintegrating at the edges. A comforting feeling washes over you, as it always does, and you step into the house.

It’s as lonely as ever. You should just get this over with. The monsters that are always here to greet you at this phase of your journey stop you on your way to the kitchen.

“A long time ago, a human fell into the Ruins,” one of the Froggits begins. You stand there with your hands clasped together and listen politely, as you always do. I put up a mental barrier between myself and the world and try not to listen, as I always do.

The key on the kitchen countertop glints in the other room. You wait for the Froggits to finish speaking before grabbing it and returning to the hallway. You make your way to the far end of the hall to grab the second key, too, before entering my old room.

You open the gift boxes and take the locket and dagger out without a word. I relish the familiar weight around your neck as you reach back to fasten the locket’s clasp. It helps me find the words I want to say.

Frisk. I don’t want to keep doing this.

You’re surprised to hear me speak, but you listen.

What we talked about earlier… It’s not that I don’t want to stay. I think…you’ve helped me a lot too. And I’m really glad I met you. I’m just tired of feeling stuck in the past. A part of me…wants that, but. It hurts, being here but not being able to do anything. To fix anything.

Plus, I mean. You!! The barrier’s broken thanks to you! You and…Asriel, of course. At least, it will be. Again. It’s… I’m glad it worked out in the end. Even if it took a really long time.

I wish things could be different. I wish I could stay, at least a little longer, but I don’t want to take this away from them. Or from you. I made my choice a long time ago, and this is already more than I deserve.

…

Are you…crying?

You’re holding your arms around yourself, as well. What is this???

“A hug,” you say through thoughts, sniffling.

Oh.

“I’m sorry for making you feel like that.”

It’s not your fault.

“I shouldn’t’ve kept Resetting, though. I knew it upset you the first time…”

I understand why you did it now, though. It’s okay, really.

“Okay…”

You rub your eyes with your sleeve and stand up, giving yourself a self-assured nod.

“Don’t worry. This will be the last time.”

~~~

When it’s time to fight Asriel, we’re both filled with determination. The nothingness surrounding us erupts in color and light, illuminated by kaleidoscopic starbeams and glimmering stardust. Attacks rain down on you from above, and you weave your body between them masterfully. You can’t evade them all, but I’m there cheering you on. A blast from Shocker Breaker shatters your soul; I reach out to press the pieces back together. But it refused!

Asriel floats above you, smirking with confidence in his power. You aren’t afraid of him anymore. You know all too well what he’s capable of, but you know him better now than you did when you first encountered him, just a human and a flower with a million untold secrets between them. He’d laid all his puzzle pieces out before you, and you can’t help but see the whole painful picture before you now. He’s stuck in a cycle, much like you but nothing like you at all. You’re going to help him bring it to an end. (Once and for all.)

The attacks keep coming, but you persist. You reach out to your friends within Asriel’s soul and remind them of who they are. Undyne, whom you admire for her enthusiasm and sense of justice. Alphys, whose intelligence and desire to do better inspire you. Papyrus, whom you enjoy hanging out with for his optimism and dedication. Sans, who tells you jokes that make you laugh and whose laid-back attitude puts you at ease. Toriel, who cares for you as her own child and made you feel safe when you first found yourself in this unfamiliar place. Asgore, whose presence is both comforting and sad, knowing of the difficult decisions he’s had to make in his life. Once you’ve reached out to all your friends, there’s only one thing left to do.

It seems that there’s still one last person that needs to be saved.

So you reach out to Asriel. And I do, too. He’s not the same as he was all those years ago, when we were just two kids playing in a muddy flower garden, and neither am I. But it’s still him, despite everything. He resists…and he’s still crying out to you as if you’re me. It hurts. I watch him do this every time, desperately latch on to the belief that I’m not really gone, and the ironic thing is that I have been here the whole time.

“I’m not ready for this to end,” he says, confident façade cracking.

It ended a long time ago.

“I’m not ready for you to leave,” he says.

I know.

“I’m not ready to say goodbye to someone like you again…”

…

“So, please…” His voice shakes, laced with despair. “Stop doing this… And just let me win!!!”

He raises his arms and summons all his magic for one final attack. Your vision is overwhelmed with color as the blast hits you, and you barely register the way he screams at you to stop holding on as your HP drops, with each passing second, to an impossibly low number. But it never reaches zero. You don’t die; your soul doesn’t shatter, because you’ve made it this far and you’re not about to give up now.

Finally, the world grows silent as the sound of magic rushing past your ears subsides. You’re exhausted, though Asriel is barely even paying attention to you anymore. He closes his eyes. Suddenly he seems so small inside his godlike form, too small to really be the Absolute God of HYPERDEATH.

“I’m so alone, Chara…” he says. “I’m so afraid…” They’re echoes of words I’ve already heard him say three times before, but they feel like acid nonetheless because it’s my fault and I’m the reason he’s like this, but you firmly tell me that it’s not. I don’t know if I can believe you, but I lean into you and try not to say anything more.

…

The world fades to black, and Asriel stands before you, looking the way I remember him once again. He’s covering his face, wiping away his tears and probably trying to hide the fact that he’s crying, too. He always was a crybaby, wasn’t he?

“I always was a crybaby, wasn’t I, Chara?”

Ha. Indeed.

He pauses for a moment, a thoughtful expression on his face. “…I know. You’re not actually Chara, are you? Chara’s been gone for a long time.”

You open your mouth to protest, but… Come on, Frisk, I can’t do that to him. Not after all that.

“But… Are you sure?”

I’m not… I am not here to stay. It would be a mistake to get his hopes up.

You twist your fingers together, disappointed, but you close your mouth anyway.

I’m only half-listening as he continues, asking for your name (which you have given him three times already) and apologizing for his actions. This is the last time I’m going to see him, is it not? He will break the barrier, and then you will go to the surface with everyone else. And I… Well, I don’t actually know what will happen to me. I won’t be able to come with you. I know that, at the very least. It looks like it might really be the end for me. I don’t know how to feel about that.

You tell him you forgive him, as you do every time. It seems only fair to you, after everything he’s gone through. A part of you understands him, even though most of you doesn’t, and you hope the knowledge that somebody in the universe forgives him gives him some solace. He smiles at you sadly.

He can’t stay, he tells you. With a deep breath, he closes his eyes in concentration. The human souls gather around him as he rises into the air, hovering around him in a circle, and the monster souls follow suit, glowing in the darkness. With the combined power of the human souls and every monster soul in the Underground, each pulsing with the same desire…the barrier is finally broken.

It’s over. There’s a weighty sense of resolution to it now. I don’t want you to Reset again. I know you won’t.

I stare at Asriel through your eyes as he lowers to the ground again, head tilted down, eyes closed. He looks so tired. He tells you that he needs to go, that you should go be with the people that care about you. You should just forget about him, he says. As if that would be possible.

Every word feels like a countdown, and I want to do something, but I can’t move. I need him to forget about me. I can’t be here messing everything up. I don’t…want him to forget me. But I don’t want him to hurt remembering me. I don’t want to stay here… I don’t want to go.

You hug Asriel. To my surprise, your arms tighten around him as you allow me to slip into control. “Just for a minute,” you think. The feeling of warmth and his sweater under my fingers and my chin on his shoulder hits me so suddenly that I can’t stop my tears from running down your face. I relax into the hug, though. I close my eyes and try to forget where we are and what we’ve been through. I don’t want to let go…

When he finally pulls away, he gives me a weird look, but it’s gone in a moment.

“I’ll miss you,” I say without thinking.

He laughs. “Please don’t.”

And just like that, he’s gone again.

“You okay?” you ask as you slip back into control. Your presence is comforting beside mine in your mind.

I am, I say. Yeah.

~~~

Outside, clouds drift lazily across the sky, a beautiful gradient from lilac to yellow to frame the setting sun. Over the edge of the mountainside, you can just barely see the tops of trees stretching out into the distance, leaves tousling gently in the breeze. Tall buildings silhouette the sky on one side, and on the other, more mountains.

The light streams in through the exit to the Underground, of which you stand behind. One of your hands is cupped over the other in front of you, and you run your fingertips over the knuckles absently. You have been standing here for a while, hesitant.

Congratulations, partner, I start in an attempt to ease the tension, you’ve saved everyone once again.

“We did,” you correct. “And Asriel.”

Of course. And now, think about it. Everyone is free for real. They can see the sun, the sky, the stars… There’s a whole future ahead of them. And you get to be a part of it. That’s amazing, is it not?

“Mhm…”

You could stay with Mom. She would make you breakfast in the morning, read you bedtime stories at night. I bet Undyne would be willing to teach you some sick fighting moves. Anime nights with Alphys.

“I could hang out with Sans and Papyrus.”

Yeah! You could learn how to make music with Napstablook. That might be fun. And Mettaton might need some help becoming a star on the surface, too.

You giggle. “I think he’s got that covered.”

Maybe. I smile along with you. But, aren’t you excited? Not everything will be easy, but you have so many people supporting you.

“I know…” You sigh through your nose. “You deserve all that too, though; it’s not fair.”

Hey. The lilac is disintegrating from the sky, fading into a deep orange. Some of the wind makes it into the cave, crisp air whistling through the doorway and cooling your skin. Hey, you know what? It’s worth it. It’s okay.

I think there are tears in your eyes again. Come on, please don’t cry.

I can’t stay here forever. I’m already overstaying my welcome, being dead and all. I was supposed to be gone a long time ago, but…I got to meet you by some miracle, and that makes it all worth it, I think. Even if I can’t stay.

“Charaaa…”

I laugh a little. Don’t worry about me, Frisk. Really. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

You hug yourself- “Hug you,” you correct. Oh. Okay. You hug me, and I, try to hug you back? It’s a little bit awkward, but I appreciate it all the same. The emotional vulnerability is starting to make me uncomfortable, but I need you to know I care about you. I know you’ll be okay.

Ha ha, this goodbye stuff is pretty hard, huh?

“Goodbye,” you say simply, with a teasing smile.

Oh, not so hard for you, it seems. Well then, “goodbye” to you, too.

I pause. …And good luck out there, partner. I think Asriel said it best: take care of everyone for me, okay? Even him.

You nod and give me a shaky little thumbs up. That’s the spirit! (Pun always intended.)

With a glance over to the others, who are in the other room, chatting amongst themselves and waiting for you, you decide you’re finally ready to go. You let everyone know, and the excitement in the room is palpable as you all make your way to the exit. They make a fuss out of you, ruffling your hair and smiling back at you. You let them leave first, and then at last, you step over the threshold yourself. I feel our connection sever.

And then I’m watching the back of your head as you walk away again. Before you reach the others though, you turn around to give me a small wave.

That’s it, I guess… I can’t exactly wave back, but I wish you well and thank you for everything. Together, you and I allow time to continue on.

#chara week #chara week 2023 #they're not in the cover art but the fic is mostly about them and Frisk so #undertale #safeutdr #chara dreemurr #frisk dreemurr #fanfiction #undertale fanfiction #fanfic #my writing #my art #chara #frisk #undertale frisk #undertale chara #🌼#also in reference to what I wrote at the beginning of the post. I wrote that a couple weeks ago. when I THOUGHT I would finish this #but of course I procrastinated on writing the last scenes so now I'm posting it quite a bit after the school year ended. oh well #still thematically relevant #writing is hard for me /except/ when I impulsively write at 3am and realize I've gotten to 2000 words without really trying. apparently. :I #also as a sidenote. this is just a one-off 'what if' scenario for me because the idea of chara not being able to come with frisk to #the surface makes me sad so. :(#sidenote number two. HOW did this become longer than Thunderstorms dude....... that was not intentional.

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youchangedmedestiel · 18 days

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If someone had told me that I’ll wrote fics about two idiots in love I wouldn’t have believed them.

If they added that I’ll write a long one, I would have said that I don’t have the skills.

Then, if they told me that I’ll write an AU fic I would have just said no because I barely read some, it’s not my thing (I feel dumb writing that) so why would I write that?

And finally, if they said I would be writing about my own life, about an old crush I had more than 10 years ago, and that I would write about true events that happened between us and replaced our names by characters of a silly little show I love, I would have said that it's weirdly specific but more importantly I would have simply laughed at them. But like a huge laugh.

Because yeah there's no way I'd write a fic like that!

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lenievi · 3 months

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Today, four years ago, I posted my first spones fanfic after not writing fics for several years.

——

Spock has some concerns that McCoy's xenopolycythemia hasn't been entirely cured, and he corners him in sickbay. McCoy tells him a thing or two about his past and Joanna.

Set two weeks after season 3's For the World Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky.

#spones #leonard mccoy #spock #star trek tos #my writing #i see i was already on my mc/k agenda back then haha #i think the beginning is a bit clunky but this fic is probably a good example of tiny things i like about spones #but also other things.#it's funny seeing that my hc i still have i already had so early after finishing the show #i finished the show in may and then during june i wrote this fic i think

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solradguy · 1 year

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Dude I got mad on reddit under a thread where they were talking about why people don’t like Ky (the OP was asking to try and understand the memes). Everyone was trying to dunk on Ky, nobody was answering the question with anything but repeated memes. I got sidetracked talking about Dizzy and Ky memes…they’re deep characters I promise!! Aaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Honest to god the worst thing that can happen to a fandom is when the memes completely overwrite the canon lore/personality of a character. They don't even know that Sol was lowkey terrified of Ky during the Crusades because of how bloodthirsty for Gear blood Ky was before meeting Dizzy and realizing that he was killing intelligent beings. Or that Ky was willing to risk everything, seriously, to protect her. Why don't more people pick on him for his teacup collection the same way people constantly bring up Sol's Sheer Heart Attack record, also

#asks #I headcanon the Queen record as being the only thing Sol was able to save from his life before he got turned into a Gear #(which is how I wrote it into my Begin fic)#So it's likely it has much more sentimental value than Ky does to his teacups #BUT Ky was a child soldier used to doing whatever it took to survive. No telling what gross shit he had to do to make it to tomorrow #If there isn't a canon explanation for his teacup hobby anywhere (might be in LtA...)#Then I think it might be fair to say/headcanon his collection as him finally living the nice life he thought-#-he would never live to see. Delicate fine china and expensive rare collector's sets kept in handcrafted display cabinets...#Being able to maintain and expand something so fragile as teacups when all he was raised to do was kill and survive...

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whoblewboobear · 4 months

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“With the wards lifted.. you can come home?” Jace doesn’t mean for his voice to peak, but he quietly curses to himself when it does. Playing with fire was an understatement.

Or a Post-canon fix-it fic In which Jace wants to put his life back together and Porter will do anything to be a part of it.

Chapter 1 & 2 are now live! 🤧💖 Happy Pride, Yall 🌈

#watch these two men figure out how to love each other and try not to kill each other while doing it amen 🙏#aelwyn girlies get ready shes in here~#fig will show up at some point #ngl the A plot is starbreaker and the B plot is teen girls tormenting Porter #I wrote this fic in the wrong order so uhhhh the beginning is a lil shorter by by the time we get to chapter 5 yall are in for it #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #porter cliffbreaker #jace stardiamond #starbreaker #d20 fhjy #fhjy #jaceporter

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blacktofade · 6 months

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Fic: with you in my head

Ethoslab/Geminitay, NC-17, ~5.5k

Gem and Etho meet up in person, under the stipulation that Gem wears a blindfold the whole time.

Gem leans against the door as she shuts it behind herself, heartbeat faster than it reasonably should be.

She stays there for a long minute, keeping her breathing slow and even as she takes in the room around her.

There's nothing special about it — it's an average hotel room. It's on the smaller side, but the bed looks like a king and there's a large window with the curtains drawn. On her left, there's a door that leads to the bathroom and when she glances through, she finds the mirror is fogged like someone recently showered.

She feels drawn to it, the sign of life, stepping inside out of sheer curiosity.

On the counter by the sink, there's a travel bag, open with items spilling out — a razor, a can of shaving foam, a toothbrush that's still wet, like it was used within the last hour.

There's also a crumpled towel that has no hope of drying, and her hand hovers over it, half tempted to pick it up and see if it smells even more like the woody scent of men's body wash that the room is filled with.

Instead, she glances up at the mirror. Around eye-level, in uneven capital letters, it says HI GEM.

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krizariel · 1 year

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Follow up to this post At first Tim was silent, seemingly taking in his surroundings. He seemed weary for some reason and Jason didn't know what to say first. Talking to Tim had never been this difficult, but its been so long hoping for him to wake up and then he beat him to it

"Who are you?"

Jason was at loss of words at first because he did not see that coming. Granted, with the brain injury it was a big possibility but- Tim was staring at him wearily and Jason didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable.

"I'm Jason"

" I… see."

"I'll call the nurse" And Jason quickly left the room to call for help.

-----

The news of Tim waking up flew fast and promptly he was receiving many visitors. The doctor said Tim's mental faculties appear to be fine, other than the amnesia. It is likely temporary considering that nothing appears to be wrong with his brain. He just needs time and go into physical therapy and to remain in observation but after that he should be able to go back to his normal life. So Jason took this as a chance.

He'd be there for him this time, even if he doesn't remember. Maybe life is giving him a chance to start over and do things right.

At first Tim was weary of him. Where he was talkative with others, his answers were curt and didn't make any small talk. That was ok though, Jason is nothing if not stubborn.

He still kept visiting him, he kept bringing him flowers and asked the questions he told himself he'd ask.

Jason brought books to read to Tim until he'd fall asleep. Slowly Tim began to open up more.

Jason tried to come most days but sometimes he'd just sneak through the window after patrol. Tim would look at him surprised because it was so late (or too early) and bringing food with him because the hospital food sucks.

"I wish I could move better already. I feel so…weak and powerless, still being unable to leave this place on my own."

"Then come with me." Jason said.

"What? I can't leave right now plus if we leave the nurses will see you and will kick you out."

"Trust me, we will be out and back and no one will notice"

As promised, Jason took them both outside while he carried Tim. They'd walk around the gardens or would go to the roof. When Tim's legs give in, Jason would just carry him around. At first the pretty bird was skittish and didn't want to be held but then as his legs were genuinely too tired he accepted the help.

Sometimes he'd feel Tim snuggling closer and clinging harder onto him and Jason couldn't help but revel on the attention as much as he could.

Before he thought he didn't deserve this. Any of it.

The thought of being with someone was too distant, too foreign he didn't even entertain the idea of a romantic relationship. He didn't think he could allow himself to have that. But now... this feels different and maybe it was okay to enjoy it.

----

Then of course, because life is a bitch, everything went crashing down.

Jason had gotten close, maybe too close for Tim's comfort and Tim just…snapped.

"I can't keep doing this"

"What do you mean?"

"I lied. I do remember you. Everything. I always had."

"What the hell Tim? Why!?"

"For you maybe it had been plenty of time but for me… It hadn't been long since I had my feelings thrown back at my face. I understood why you did it. That didn't mean it didn't hurt and I needed some distance so I could get over it. It's normal for people to need space. So when you showed up, the last person I wanted to see was you. It hurt seeing you talking to me so freely like you hadn't just walk all over my feelings for you.

Maybe it was stupid but at the time I thought feigning memory loss would deter you from coming back. Would make make it easier for you to get tired and leave for the time being. I knew I'd still see you but I thought…it was a temporary solution. Desperate, stupid one. But you kept coming. You kept visiting me. I'd wake up and I'd see you and I started to enjoy your presence but I'm done. I don't want to keep lying to myself so what the hell are we doing?!"

Jason felt cold. Like suddenly the floor below him disappeared. But of course…of course he never had a chance.

"So what I'm hearing is that I hurt you again."

Tim was looking straight up at him. He looked pained to have this conversation but resolute nonetheless. Have I been hurting you all this time?

"I'm sorry. I know I can't take what I said back. At first what hit me was a sense of loss…of never making things up to you. For you to be gone and all I'd remember of you was your face as I hurt you even if at the time I thought it was for the best..."

"I'm so sorry Tim. I kept coming back because I wanted to make it up to you and-"

"So pity it is"

"What?"

"Jason maybe you had plenty of time to think about getting to know me and cool down but for me it had only been days since you threw my feelings right back at my face with raw honesty. I'd like to…. work again together, continue being allies, be friends even…"

"Friends…"

"But right now all I need is time and space. There's a lot I need to process…a lot of my life I've lost and I need to catch up with it all. You are a reminder of my feelings for you and that's the last thing I want to think of right now. So please… if you mean it when you say you care... then leave."

Part 3

#jaytim #jason todd #tim drake #sorry the drama went out of hand #ill be back later with the end #i can't write for shit but honestly the last part is the whole reason I wrote this to begin with lmao #amnesia #but not really :D #not fic

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jaegerisim · 1 year

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When 11 year old Mike Wheeler boarded the Hogwarts express with his best friend Will Byers, all he could think about was how happy being here made him.

Being a Wheeler meant his life was already laid before him: get sorted into Gryffindor, marry another pure blood witch, have kids with her and continue the family line of Gryffindors.

All his family had been Gryffindors, which meant that they were one of the most anti-Slytherin families in the whole Wizarding World.

That wasn't a problem for him though, because his best friend was going to be sorted into Hufflepuff like his brother and mother, Professor Joyce Byers. Although he could be sorted in Gryffindor, like his father, Lonnie Byers, an Auror. Lonnie had been a well known Auror but after a terrible accident, the man had become violent and abusive. Fortunately, in drunken ire, Lonnie had decided to run off into the Muggle world, never to be seen again.

While on the train ride, they met: Lucas Sinclair; a sweet Black boy, his friend Dustin Henderson; a curly-haired boy with an impish grin and a pet cat called Mews, El Hopper; a gentle and shy girl whose father, Jim Hopper, was head of the Gryffindor house; and Max Mayfield; a girl with a strong personality and hot temper that matched her red hair.

Will and Max quickly befriended each other and Mike would be lying if he said that their immediate friendship didn't make him a little jealous. So Mike would constantly try to pry Will's attention away from the girl, winning himself a snarky remark or two.

By the end of the ride, all of them had become an inseparable group of friends. Mike had found El, extremely charming but his favorite would always be Will; with his big hazel eyes, endearing bowl cut and warm demeanor, who could blame Mike.

As they entered The Great Hall, all the first years stared at the enchanted ceiling with awe and wonder, yet Mike only had eyes for the young Byers.

The Sorting began and Mike trembled with anticipation, even though he already knew what house he'd be sorted into.

"Byers, Will!" called Professor Hopper.

Will squealed with excitement and ran over to sit on the stool.

Mike gave Will a reassuring grin and suddenly someone caught his eye. A blonde young man stared at Will with a pair of cold, blue eyes. Mike didn't think much of it, since he was more interested in his best friends head being swallowed whole by the Sorting Hat.

A minute of silenced passed until the Sorting Hat yelled "Slytherin!"

Mike's eyes widened. Slytherin? How could the purest, most angelic being be sorted into the house of villains? Surely that must be some sort of mistake! Mike waited for the Sorting Hat to laugh and say, "Just kidding, Hufflepuff!" But no, no such thing happened. For a fleeting moment, Joyce's eyes met Mike's and he noticed the woman's confused state.

Will didn't seem to mind being sorted into that house, apparently, as he skipped towards his table being met with enthusiastic cheers and pats on the back. An older girl with dirty blonde hair whispered something to him and he giggled, whispering something back. He recognized the girl, her name was Robin Buckley and his sister would always complain about how annoying her jokes were and how she couldn't stand her.

The Sorting continued as if nothing were wrong, as if the Sorting Hat hadn't made a mistake! It infuriated Mike to no end how nobody was speaking up about Will. Not even his brother or mother.

Mike was sorted into Gryffindor (surprising no one), Lucas was too, El was sorted into Hufflepuff, Dustin into Ravenclaw and finally Max into Slytherin. Mike couldn't help but notice how Lucas deflated a bit when Max went to high-five Will, earning a hug from him and Robin. Billy Hargrove, a 4th year Slytherin with a nasty attitude and Max's stepbrother, smirked at them with disdain.

Mike fell asleep feeling something was terribly wrong. Will couldn't possibly be evil! He was such a nice and caring soul! Still, he was determined to not let Will being a Slytherin ruin their friendship, especially since they shared Potions and Herbology together.

Mike detested Potions and Professor Creel seemed to detest Mike even more.

"Well done, Mr. Byers! What a wonderful potion, indeed." Professor Creel patted a delighted Will on the back "10 points to Slytherin"

Max and Will cheered and Professor Creel smiled proudly. A smile that disappeared the moment he saw Mike's own potion.

"Mr Wheeler that isn't a potion, that's your mother's stew!" cackled Professor Creel "5 points from Gryffindor and Mr Sinclair that potion is going to explode any second now"

Both Lucas and Mike's potions, promptly exploded. Mike thought he heard Will snicker softly.

The months passed until finals were just around the corner. So The Party was sitting in the library studying.

"Will! Can't you tell your mom to go easy on our Transfiguration test?" asked Mike.

"No, you know how Mom is super strict about not showing favoritism to me and Jonathan." chided Will, straightening his green and silver tie.

Mike felt a pang of pain whenever he thought about the snake embroidered onto Will's cloak or the green and silver colors adorning his uniform.

"Anyways, are you going to come to the Quidditch match this Sunday? It's the final between Slytherin and Gryffindor!" Lucas interrupted popping up from behind them.

"Of course!" piped up Will "Personally, I think we're gonna win the cup this year. Billy is such a good seeker and Tommy is a menace as a Beater! Although Nancy is a brilliant keeper and Jason is a great Team Captain"

Mike really wasn't interested in Quidditch but since Will was going, he supposed he would too.

He went to the Quidditch match sticking close to El who wasn't interested in it either. They'd grown pretty close this past year and people, mainly Lucas, were insisting on how they both looked like a couple. Mike really didn't understand why they said that but he played along with it.

Max and Will sat next to each other laughing and cheering their team on, booing whenever Gryffindor scored and clapping when Tommy took down Gryffindor's Chaser with a Bludgeon to the ribs.

Mike's insides burned with jealousy. It was obvious Will had found a new best friend in Max but hopefully that wouldn't mean he'd stop wanting to be Mike's best friend.

#and that's it for the first year!!#its a bit boring bc mike is an eleven year old and they tend to not think much #plus it's only the beginning #pls tell me your thoughts and opinions #especially if something is ooc or grammatically incorrect #i wrote this with no beta while severely sleep deprived and running on pure caffeine #byler #byler brainrot #byler au #byler fanfic #harry potter byler au #will byers #mike wheeler #el hopper #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #byler fic #byler fics #byler fanfiction

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kanene-yaaay · 2 years

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Childish Fights and Loud Laughter

Kanene’s notes: For some reason I am going back to my old fandoms? dfghyygtfdf anyway I re-watched atla once again last month and finally got some time and energy to write a tickle fic for it! Yesh!!!!

Warnings: Zuko’s general grumpiness, but only that. Switch!Zuko and Switch!Aang. I have no idea when that happens but it’s before the Sozin’s Comet. Around 3500 words.

[~*~]

Aang was staring at him.

Not that being stared at was something new in his life. Zuko grew rather accustomed to it, being the first heir of the Firelord and having a gigantic scar that covers half of your face usually made you the most interesting person in a crowd.

Still, it didn't mean that Zuko had to like it. Actually, he didn’t even understand why Aang was paying such a close attention to him now. After months of being friends, he should already be used to Zuko's presence in their group. Was he having second thoughts about accepting him as his teacher? Why? Was it because of the mistake in their morning training?

It wasn’t even a gigantic thing. Aang just got a way too light hit in his side that made him lose his concentration of his firebending and flinch away from the strange, electric sensation on his side.

(If that told him something about Aang's improvement or about Zuko's own lack of skills it was unclear.)

In the end, the reason for the staring didn't matter. It wouldn't be the first time Zuko would lose everything for a single mistake. He just needed to prove to the Avatar that he was still a worthy ally and teacher.

He got up.

"Break's time is over. Come on, let's spar and then run through your katas again. From first to tenth."

As always, the authority in his voice made Aang immediately jump to his feet, although no more moves were made to follow the instructions, the boy was still watching him for something.

"What!" He bristled.

"Did you injure your side?"

"With your weak hit? You just got me off guard, that is all." Zuko readied himself in an offensive stance, beginning his attack. "Let's see if you can do it again, and no more holding back your punches. You won't have this mercy when it comes to the Firelord."

"I know, I know." But instead of the defeated look that always took over the younger's face every time he mentioned his father, Aang's expression quickly bounced back to a curious expression, dodging from his flames and attacks with fluid moves (it was both weird and interesting to see how much fo the other elements affected his actions even when he wasn't using his bending).

"Are you sure you're not injured, though? You did jump pretty high back there."

Zuko felt like there was something hidden in the other’s voice. A kind of light reflected in his eyes, a different way that he seemed not worried at all in trying to fight back, an extra bounce in his step.

And for some reason, now the Avatar keeps smiling at him. Which, when the subject was about how he possibly was or not injured, didn't make Zuko very confident about his safety.

"I am not hurt." Irritation began filling his words. "Take this seriously! Fight back!"

"I will! I will! I am just curious, why did you jump away?"

"For no reason! It doesn't matter."

"No one squeals and jumps away for no reason." Was he getting closer?

"I did not squeal!" Zuko widened his stance and with a circling gesture, moved his arms until his palms were facing the ground, ceasing the fire attacks before adjusting himself to a standing position. "And if you rather keep mocking me than really focusing on your training, then I suppose that you can continue mastering your firebending alone."

He turned away, feeling strangely out of place, before fast steps put Aang right in front of him, arms in a placating gesture and his expression full of alarm and a bit of regret.

"No, wait! I wasn't mocking you, I swear." Aang then took a respectful stance and bowed, with his thumb poking out from his closed fist resting on his open palm. "Please don’t give up from me yet, Sifu Ho-" at Zuko's glare, he bit back the 'hotman'. "Uhhhhh, Sifu Zuko."

The older one took a deep breath, wondering if his uncle also felt the same feeling of old all the times Zuko kept pushing his proper training off to complain about capturing the Avatar and restoring his honor.

Life really comes to a full cycle, doesn't it?

He bowed, as well, mirroring Aang's gesture and respect, letting his usual irritation wash away, a common pinch of guilt that always came when he let his angry outbursts control his decisions appearing once again.

His point still stands, though.

"Alright." His tune was tough, but not unkind, a soft kind of relaxation taking over his gestures. He should at least try to have the same patience as his uncle. "Let's try again. Firs-"

"I am just really curious!" Aang cut him, basically bouncing on the same place, his energetic big smile back to his face now that the misunderstanding had been cleared. "If you're not injured, does that mean you're ticklish?"

For some reason, Aang seemed about to launch himself straight to the sky with how much he was beaming. In a blink, Zuko remembered old memories of his and his mother's laughter, of Lu Ten's surprise attacks and Mai's playful touches before he threw everything away to fulfill his own destiny.

And, in another bewildered blink, abruptly, Aang's smile and actions made complete sense. Zuko looked at him with wide eyes.

"I-"

Before the prince could answer, however, the avatar jumped at him, not wasting a single second as he locked on his sides with a horrible scribbling that made he feel like there was thousands of feathers teasing his sensitive torso, following his body even when the surprise attack made him fall on his back, holding his reactions with all his will power.

"I knew it. You are!" The scribbling quickly evolved to a series of light pinches and squeezes that almost made him jump away as they traveled too much close to his stomach, giggles beginning to bubble in his throat. "I can't believe you never told us about it before!"

"W-why-" He bit back a squeal, refusing to fall for such childish play. "Why would I snkr e-ever tell you tha-ah!"

Aang beamed even more at the muffled yelp that came when he experimentally scratched at his belly, deciding that it was a perfect place to dance and wiggle his fingers freely.

"Because it is fun! And it would be nice to see your smile. I don't think we ever heard you truly laugh since you joined the group!"

"I don't need to laugh." He gritted through his firmly pressed lips, turning his face away, feeling his features getting hot at the hopeful and bright expression from Aang at the giddiness slipping through the tears in his barriers. "We need to t-t-train. Don't!"

Zuko maybe, if he wasn’t totally concentrated in not dying because anywhere - absolutely any other place - would be better than that spot, would definitely feel mortified by the honest to Agni high pitched plea that fled from his mouth when the other poked his bellybutton curiously.

Aang smiled even wider, somehow.

"You also have a ticklish bellybutton?" He poked the tickle spot again and again, giggling in delight when Zuko wiggled from one side to another with even the slightest hint of a touch. "Just like Sokka! He would go totally crazy when we tickled his belly. Katara even had this secret technique she did when..." Suddenly, he stopped.

Zuko could see the exact moment the Avatar got an evil idea.

"No.” Aang didn’t move. “Don’t you even think about it!"

He tried to roll away, legs too weak to help him in a chase. Nevertheless, the other's playful hands followed him, pulling him back and straddling his waist so he could rest his index fingers and thumbs at each side of his bellybutton, making Zuko take a wobbly gulp of oxygen.

"Aang-" He tried to push the hands away but the Avatar was as immovable as a rock, grinning at him a tad manically. "Aang, I am g-going to make you do so many katas you will keep doing them in your sleep! Don't you dare!"

The Avatar, the bridge between the spiritual world, the one responsible to bring peace and balance to the four nations, the only one in the world able to master all the elements, the agent of evil snickered and did, in fact, dare.

For Zuko's complete mortification and immediate defeat, he began squeezing.

It was horrible. It was unbearable. Each squeeze made his entire body spasm with the sheer force of keeping his laughter inside, face growing more and more red as the tickling just did not stop.

That was when Aang's voice cut through air.

"Hey, actually, this gives me an idea! Wanna see a cool trick?" Zuko shook his head and Aang laughed. "Okay, I will show you anyway! It goes like this: 'Hello, I'm Mister Bellybutton and I am supeeeeeer ticklish!"

He was squeezing said tickle spot as if it was a mouth, pretending it was speaking and even making a goofy voice for it as if they were both tiny kids and not the future firelord and the one destined to end a one hundred year war, full of responsibilities and posture to uphold and Zuko…

"Squish! Squish, squish, squish, squishsquishsquishsquish-"

Zuko exploded in a loud, boisterous laughter.

"S-SHUHUHUHUT AHAHAHAHAHAP!"

Whether it was for the sheer absurdity of it all, the awful and playful impersonation of a silly voice or the tickly shocks that filled all his nerves and senses he couldn't say. Actually, other than becoming a mess of laughter and sounds that were supposed to be words but were too lost in crackles to be understood, he wasn’t able to say much.

"Oh my god!!! Zuko, this is your laughter?! It's so nice! I can't believe we never tried to tickle you before!"

Zuko realized that he couldn’t do anything to stop the unfair tickle attack on his stomach, especially when Aang focused on using his other fingers to prod the sensitive skin and buzz on it, pulling a series of startled snorts that made the prince immediately hide his flaming face on his hands.

"Noooo, come on, not fair! You can't hide your smile, that is against the rules!"

"THEHEHEHERE'S NO RUHULES!"

"Of course there it is! Every tickle fight has rules. Like: no hiding your smile, no covering your face, and especially…"

The younger relented his attack giggling together with the other's remnant and uncontrollable titters as Zuko tried to recompose himself, feeling yet still a bit dazed with the sudden joy and adrenaline that were still running in his veins.

Wait. Why was it so quiet? Aang was saying something, wasn't he?

"Never leave a tickle spot unprotected unless you want it to be tickled!"

Suddenly fingers began kneading his ribs and Zuko's arms shot down in a too late attempt to protect them, a loud yelp announcing the comeback of an unstoppable mix of fast, airy giggles and eventual squeaks that didn’t wait to mingle in such a rare and beautiful melody.

"Here is it!" Zuko wasn't sure how, but he could swear that Aang somehow got more than two hands, because in a blink the wiggling fingers that were prodding and drawing circles on his ribcage were not only assaulting his neck and ears with a skillful spidering scratches and nimbly scribbling but also, even before he could lift his arms and try to pry them from there before another high pitched chortle came out of his mouth, were worming and digging awfully on his armpits, obliging him to clue his arms to his sides once more and starting the whole cycle started again and again.

No spot was left without a proper, tickly and tingly attention. Every squeeze on his knees, scratch on his soles, kneading on his sides and light tapping on his palms (how did he even discover about his palms-) pulled all sorts of loud crackles, bubbly giggles, bouncy titters, wobbly squirms, tired kicks and a boisterous belly laughter that left him without energy, a "stop" ready in the tip of his tongue when the younger decided that it was enough and relented the energetic tickle attack.

The prince of the Fire Nation turned around, still giggling, still blushing and still feeling the ghost feeling of dancing fingers buzzing right under his skin, leaving a permanent giant smile on his face.

He wiped the few tears that accumulated on the corner of his eyes, taking deep breaths and trying to not get embarrassed by the couple of giggles that continued to fill the air.

"See, I told you it was fun!" Aang snickered. "I didn't expect you to be so ticklish, though. You're almost as bad as meEEK!"

With a swift roll and quick reflexes Zuko jumped and pushed - not necessarily gently but also not with all his strength - the Avatar down, pinning his arms upwards with a hand.

Wide grey eyes stared at him, a drop of alarm on them.

"Uhhhh, Zuko, you're not really angry are you? It’s just that you never said to stop and-"

Zuko lifted his hand and with a gasp, the other cut his babbling.

He began wiggling his fingers.

"Almost as bad as you, you say?"

"Waitwaitwait!" Aang kicked and laughed joyfully, suddenly free of any drop of fear in his gaze as he wiggled like a madman on his hold, trying with all his might to put as much distance as he could from the offending silly fingers.

Seeing the older one loosening up was rare, but to see him loosen up, smile and be playful on the same day? Aang felt like he was the luckiest person in the world. He couldn’t wait to tell everyone else about how nice Zuko's laughter is.

I mean, if he survived the payback. Aang tried to lightly pull his arms back, but the grip was firm. He watched with trepidation the hand that was getting closer and closer to his sides, sucking his belly as much as he could.

Golden and gray eyes found each other for a moment.

Zuko stopped, his tiny smirk being overthrown by a frown and Aang felt his arms being freed.

The butterflies in his belly stopped batting their wings and the smile on his face fell. He tried to not feel too disappointed.

They would eventually get Zuko to participate in more of their shenanigans. One day. When he was ready. Even if today wasn't the day, he still got him to laugh.

An unbearable light feeling on his palm made the shorter yelp and jump away, one of his wrists being held back before he could pull it to his chest.

Golden and gray found each other again. Zuko smiled triumphantly.

"I knew it." He said, and Aang watched with a giddy feeling as blunt nails began scribbling on his palm, following the lines of his hands, drawing on the tip of fingers, contouring and spiraling across the entire sensitive skin to his wrists. Soon enough, his airy, fast and giggly snickers were filling the space, amidst his wiggles and half-heartedly attempts to pull his arm away. "I was wondering how did you discovered about my hands. It's because yours are sensitive as well."

"Yehehehes!" An 'eee' sound stretched the word and he snorted, kicking and squirming more, his other hand flapping non stop in an attempt to free himself of all the energy running in his veins. "Ihihihi realized that when I stahaharted to bend firehehe. It makes them so ticklihihish!"

"Must be rough for you."

"Hehey! But yours are ahahahalso tick- no!"

Not minding the other's protest, Zuko lifted the captured arm and attacked the unprotected armpit, being careful to tase and drum his fingers in every available inch of skin, feeling extremely smug at the shriek he got from the Avatar with the drastic change from such a soft to more playful tickle attack, his squirming getting so strong that he pushed himself back to a sitting position.

"BWAHAHAHA! NOHOHOT THERE!"

Zuko remembered something Lu Ten used to do with him all the time. It was childish and silly and not at all fitting for the future Firelord, but it used to drive Zuko over the palace’s walls all the time, and if Aang had at least half of his reaction…

He was just really glad that they went to train in a far area alone.

"What? Not here?" He made sure to focus on the weakest spot of the pit, poking and digging there for a good measure. "Not right here? Are you sure?"

"YESYESYES! IHIHIT'S TOHOHOHO BAHAHAD!"

"OK then." The tickling came to a stop.

Aang continued to laugh softly at the attack, his smile big and wobbly and eyes shining with excitement. "Wohohow, you're ruthless."

Zuko merely hummed in reply, watching him for the exact moment where he would relax and lower his guard…

Now.

"Hm, I changed my mind." He went right back at the merciless attack.

"SIFU HOHOHOHOTMAN, NOHOHO!"

"And stop calling me that! Do you like being tickled, by chance? Becoming a mess of laughter and squeals?"

"Yehehehehes!"

Zuko blinked, the tickling faltering for a bit and fishing a mess of tittering and soft squealing before resuming his quicker pace. "Really?….Why?"

"Ihihihit's fun!" Aang squealed and arched his back when Zuko got bored and decided to worm his fingers to his back ribs, spidering and stretching on the space in between each bone. For a piece of moment nothing but laughter filled his mind, thoughts and senses and all Aang could do was squeal until his mind got a bit clearer.

"You like it too!"

The shout that came out from the prince's lips was a mix of embarrassment and surprise. "I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Shut it!" The playful glint on the other's eyes only got stronger at the color flooding once again Zuko's cheeks. He grumbled in a grump protest. "If you can still tease me then I am not doing a good job. You must have a death spot somewhere, don't you?" He held the boy by his shoulder, starting to wiggle and prod his back in a search.

It was a good thing that his hand was still keeping the boy still because as soon as the sentence came out from his mouth the other began wiggling like his life was on the line.

"Wait, wait, Zuko! Not there! You can tickle my hands again or even my sides, they're pretty bad, but, wait!"

"Is your back really that ticklish or-" Zuko's teasing was cut when he pressed the highest space in between his shoulderblades (being very careful to not accidentally touch the scar) and, after a loud shout, an extremely low belly laughter filled the air.

"NOHOHOHO!"

He stopped. Aang stopped, hands flying to hide his mouth.

"That was you?"

"No, of course not!" With a muffled voice the Avatar tried to wiggle away from the touch, only the tip of his smile appearing behind his palm. "What was what? I didn't hear a thing. Ah! It’s getting so late, I think that Katara is calling meeEEEHEHEHE!"

Zuko pressed once again at the middle of his shoulder blades, thumb incessantly tasering on the same spot as he watched with drops of surprise and amusement as the youngest usual higher voice became much lower and stronger, his guffaws making his entire torso beam with the force of the laughter.

"Your voice gets rougher when someone tickles your back?" Poke, poke, poke, prod, tase, tase. "How does that even work?"

"NOHOHOHO! LEHEHEHEHEHEAVE THAT SPOT ALOHOHONE, PLEHEHEHEASE!"

Seeing that the boy seemed unable to stop bouncing in the same place with the sheer amount of ticklishness and energy running across his entire torso, Zuko decided to listen to him, stopping his tickles and eyeing his lower back with curiosity.

If just that tiny spot on his shoulder blades were so bad he wondered if his spine…

With an only one index finger, the older one ran the tip of the finger across Aang's spine.

He got exactly to the middle of it before the airbender shot straight to the sky with a high pitched, ear splitting squeal.

Zuko quickly jumped to a standing position, wide eyes searching the sky until his gaze finally found the hope of the world, the bridge between the material and the spiritual world, clutching his belly and historically giggling while kicking the air just like a kid in a tantrum, floating from a side to another, way too lost in ghost tickles and tittering snorts to control his airbending and stop spinning in the air with each laugh.

The future firelord sighed, ignoring how fond he felt for being the one responsible in making the smaller look as happy as this.

He forced his face to go back to his usual scowl, even if a playful, silly kind of feeling softened most of it and even when the entire gang already knew how to see right through it.

"Your training is not over yet, stop fooling around and come back! You still have to do katas until sunset."

Aang's remanent joyful laugh rang like a bell across the air. Somehow, Zuko felt like they wouldn’t do a lot of training today.

#I am once again looking at the prince of the darkness and the ray of sunshine and being obsessed w their friendship #you can pry a giggly silly Aang from my dead cold hands. that bean deserves so muchtickles fr <3 #Switch!Aang #Switch!Zuko #Ticklish!Zuko #Ticklish!Aang #atla tickles #atla tickling #Kanene's fic #Kanene's fanfic #Me: *uses 'airy' to describe Aang's laughter* I am the master of puns. I am unstoppable. I am silliest silly to ever silly #Also for a moment I was too worried I wrote the beginning too much dramatic then I remembered it was Zuko so that is fine #kjhgtfrfghjkjhgf #T H E M <3 <3 <3 #Zuko: this is childish >:( // Aang: We ARE children >:)

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