#and write chapters and post them and shit!! but my motivation decays super fast regardless of how excited i am to write it.
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i hate the weird spot i have been when it comes about writing for the past months
#or maybe even a year at this point idfk. i cannot. write. or at least not multichaptered. i want to create an ongoing story#and write chapters and post them and shit!! but my motivation decays super fast regardless of how excited i am to write it.#i legit think is the reason i draw so much--- i have the need to create and a drawing tends to take me two hours and so. maybe three.#obviously it depends on the drawing but. that's the average. writing a single chapter can take me a week; or a long-ish one at least#there's another factor: i don't know who to write about. i try to resign myself to write fanfiction but it does not sparks joy anymore#*sometimes* it does tho. like the dumb wuthering heights saiou au i had in mind; it is fun to think about it.#but rn i have one plot i really like and i'm kind of. this does not fits any of my existing ocs either. what i am supposed to do with this.#and another one with elliot and a guy i created specifically for that story#because i resigned myself i don't have any existing characters to fit that role so i created some guy nate/devlin (name still pending)#but also. my own characters don't spark joy too unless i post it on discord or show it to friends bc nobody on my main platform cares.#and yes this is something i need to work on i'm going to therapy for that but i live off validation#and if people don't pay attention to my shit then i immediately lose motivation and i don't continue with it anymore#like; the one samael/mav story i was so excited to write about. nobody paid attention to it; so i shoved it to drafts#and didn't type a single word again. meanwhile i see the easy way to get attention is writing sa10u rn but. i don't want to.#i see people voting and commenting on my fics of these two and i try to think 'ok that's what people like i HAVE to write about them'#and maybe get a bit of faux-motivation but if i try to do it i end up unmotivated because. that's not what i want actually. so. i die.#negative#very fitting with my pfp
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