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amr-hossameldin · 11 months ago

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Excerpt from Journal

I’ve caught myself daydreaming often lately. In some of those daydreams I’m financially stable, I make good money, I have a nice car, a nice house, and enough money to live a luxurious life. In some other daydreams, I’m living in Europe, not much richer than I am today. But I have time to travel and explore all the different cultures and histories there. I read a ton of books and have the peace of mind to sit and enjoy a cappuccino and pastries in local cafes. Some times I think I can find a balance between both scenarios and live the best of both worlds.

What I noticed is my tendency to think that in those scenarios I’ll be happier than I am today. But here’s the thing, today I am living a life that I could not possibly have imagined a year ago, let alone a few years ago. And let me tell you, it looks nothing like how I pictured it would be, not even close. Yet, I feel happy, happier than what I could imagine back then. Life went in a completely different direction than what I have planned and it was perhaps one of the best things that has ever happened to me. In the chaos of all the plans going out the window, I found myself. I learned quite a lot and grew a lot. One of the most important lessons is not to hold on to plans too much. Life has a way of messing with those. I learned to be resilient and learn from each opportunity I have. Like I always say: Life will not stop stepping on your face till you learn the lesson.

I am not who I think I am. Amr in those daydreams does not exist. I am, though, the person who said and did the things I remember when I look back in memory. That is who I am. We are what we say and do, not what we think of ourselves, and definitely not what other people think of us. This view of life made me see every difficult situation, every hard decision, as a chance to create the person that I want to be. So that when I look back in memory, I can say: Yes, I am a person with principles. I do not crack under pressure. I am disciplined, strong and brave. And these are not wishful fantasies, these are moments in which I was tested, in which I created the person that is all those things.

This brings me back to the point: Happy, calm Amr in those daydreams is nothing more than a fantasy if I do not create him, through actions, now. I do not need money for that. I already have more than enough. In my everyday life, I do not feel like I’m lacking anything. I’m blessed to be debt free and financially independent. I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I want for nothing and am quite content with what I have. I will not lose sleep over the nicer things I could have. Whatever I end up owning after working my ass off is not really mine. In a few years I’m going to die. Then other people will live in ‘my’ home and drive ‘my’ car. Was it really ever mine to begin with? The only real thing I can think of to take from this life is experiences. Collect as many experiences as you can while you can. Meet as many people, read as many books, learn as many skills, try as many things, travel to as many places. This is what true wealth is. This is what a truly rich life is. In that sense, I am wealthy. I do feel quite rich, like I own the whole world. I am healthy, have a ton experience to look back on and enough people to talk to. I’m blessed with everything that can possibly make me happy right now already. I do not need to wait for a better tomorrow to be happy when I can be happy right now. All I need to do is be present and appreciate what I have.

The happiest I’ve been recently is spending the whole day at a local cafe reading and having pastries with coffee. I silence my phone, put on classical music in my headphones, and easily lose myself in the book for 5 hours straight. Taking notes, underlining, contemplating. It was peaceful. Peace, such an underrated feeling. I’ve also been quite happy about all the new recipes I’m trying recently and new creations I’m making to those recipes. Cooking and baking is like an art. I like the challenge of making the most filling, tastiest and lowest calorie version possible. Those are things I did alone, and they did make me feel happy and peaceful. I like the quiet. Sometimes I catch myself weary that other people might disturb that peace by getting too close, as is mostly the case actually. I’m not sure where this will lead eventually but I do know that I really like my peace and have no intention of letting it go anytime soon. I guess as I grow older I’m way more selective of who’s close and who I talk to. I think it’s healthy too. In any case, I should take my own advice and just be present and enjoy the moment.

I’m not exactly sure why I’m sharing this. It may all be quite obvious, but it took me a while get there. I guess maybe it could resonate with someone. Which reminds me of this excerpt from Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha when asked to give a word of wisdom from what he attained: "But I will say no more about it. Words are not good for the secret meaning, everything instantly becomes a bit different when we utter it, a bit adulterated, a bit foolish-yes, and that too is very good and appeals to me, I also very much agree that one man's treasure and wisdom always sound like foolishness to another." So I guess you must already know to know. In which case, I’ll leave it here anyway for those who do.

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smallestl0ser · 1 year ago

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major life updates for my audience of just me:

i did pretty well mentally though 2022 after getting out the psych ward on new years 2022. i gained weight, went to the gym, worked very briefly and was kind of starting to heal until my boyfriend at the time heavily insisted on having me back living with him. when i went back i did my best to hold it together but the very environment he had created turned out to be one of the biggest problems with my mental health. as i was breaking down again he decided he didn’t love me, never wanted me back living with him to begin with, saying i “forced myself back in” and broke up with me in december 2022. 3 years wasted with someone who fucked with my head a lot and triggered me constantly. as soon as we split and i went back to my family’s home i immediately did so much better mentally , i wasn’t upset with him or missing him i kind of moved on quick. i found a new boyfriend shortly and worked my ass off and got a place of my own in 3-4 months. things were amazing with my new boyfriend for 5 months until i found out he was never a good guy and it was all a front. he disrespected me, lied to me, tried to manipulate me (i was mostly healed so it doesn’t work on me anymore) i sat with it because i love him deeply for 5 more months. i tortured myself with his “mistakes” mistakes that triggered all the self worth issues i tried to work on. i broke it off a week and a half ago. it hurt badly and my chest hurts but i felt so much happier already. but my self esteem is on its knees again. my body issues creeped up on me again. i relapsed before we broke up i purged once and restrained from it ever again. i live alone now and intend on attempting to get thin again through diet and exercise but the only thing that motivated me was this horrible coping mechanism i use to feel the illusion of control. i’m extremely grateful to have my own life and be single again and i’m hoping i don’t fall into bulimia again. i came to reflect and realize recovery is quite a rollercoaster. i feel so sad for the girl who made all the past posts, i remember her pain so vividly and i’m crying for her, she didn’t know she was wasting her life with someone who hated her yet she constantly and hopelessly loved. for her i will try my hardest to love myself and forgive myself.

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harcove · 3 years ago

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you uh. wouldn't mind an angst request would you haha because I have had this one scenario stuck in my head where leon (probably resi 6 leon) has been drinking a lot more and has been neglecting his s/o and they finally call him out on his shit

anyway ooga booga they fight and decide it's best they give leon his space and take a break and maybe he finds them at a bar he goes to to get wasted to already find them drunk off their ass

Angst is absolutely one of my most favourite things to write and to read like damn I do be out here making myself CRY. So I definitely don't mind angst like hell yeah!

I was gonna end this was a happier note- but uh, I really love angst so I left it semi-open ended but also pretty sad I think. Also not really dialogue-heavy, more like... I write too much detail-heavy :,) Also this isn't edited, I spent days on this cause I was overthinking it and felt it was just not good so oof I'm sorry!

Length: 2k

Request: in the ask

Warnings: angst, drinking, lowkey it's alcoholism on Leon's part, being drunk

Leon x Reader - "I know."

How long had it been since you had held your boyfriend's hand? Since the two of you had really sat together and done something together, fully, completely, involved, and focused on one another. You didn't even remember, which was agonizing to think about.

You had been through so much with Leon. And you knew where his deepest thought lay, but you could never truly know. And it didn't help that over the years the two of you had together, he had started to become more distant. And instead of finding his comfort in your arms, he found it in some glass bottle.

At first, you didn't really protest much, you didn't say much about it. A drink every once in a while couldn't hurt. Yet, it wasn't every once in a while. It was more often than you'd have liked. And he was using it to forget. To focus on anything else but his life and his memories. Your soft words trying to talk to him didn't do much to stop him or dissuade him. He brushed you off more often than not. It tore you up from the inside out that you couldn't help him, that at some point a bottle was his chosen form of comfort over you.

The guilt mixed with sadness, and then with anger. And in the end, those feelings came together and created an explosion between the two of you one night.

Your throat was hoarse as you swallowed as much air as you could. You couldn't exactly remember what the argument stemmed from but you knew it had to be related to him drinking.

"Will you just listen to me?!" You shouted, the words coming out uneven as your throat begged you to stop, "put that shit down Leon, and look at me!"

The man sitting at the aisle in your kitchen put the flask he had down in front of him, but still had his hands on it. He turned his head to look at you, barely even moving at all, and his eyes were looking at you like he was unimpressed or annoyed.

"I'm listening."

You wanted to pull on your hair and scream because he wasn't. He wasn't listening, and he hadn't been, at least not for a while.

"No you aren't, you are not listening to a word I say, you never do!"

He scoffed, turning back to his drink and taking another sip.

"Where am I going on Friday?"

"What?" He looked at you incredulously, completely lost as your voice went from yelling at him to speaking relatively peacefully, but there was no peace in your voice.

"I said, where am I going on Friday, Leon," you repeated with clenched fists, "if you listen to me if you even bother to pay attention to me, you would know the answer. So where am I going on Friday?"

The silence was your answer, as you expected it to be, you just hadn't expected it to be so painful.

"I'm going to visit my family in the town over," your voice was low and tired, and you wanted to cry but you couldn't even find it in you to do that, "I told you that a thousand times Leon I..."

Biting your lip hard, you felt yourself break skin, and the metallic taste of blood invaded your taste buds. You were so angry at him moments before, angry enough you had been yelling. But suddenly you weren't angry anymore. You were just so sad; sad for yourself and sad for him. He wasn't going to listen to you, not right now, that much was clear.

"I've been busy Y/N-" whatever he said was wasted on deaf ears as you drowned them out unintentionally, your eyes trained on the flask he nursed.

For once, you knew you had to let it be. You had to give him space, and give yourself space.

"I'm sleeping in the guest room," you offered lamely after the long silence between the two of you after he had finished whatever he had said. Leon looked up at you, with a look of surprise, and confusion, "we both need space. From each other. I just... Don't stay up drinking all night."

"Y/N-" his words once again fell upon deaf ears, and his fingers just missed your arm as you turned and went upstairs to the room usually used by people like Claire, or Chris, sometimes Sherry.

When morning came, you had gotten up later than usual, Leon was already gone as he usually was early in the morning with his job and everything. Your heart felt heavier as you walked into the empty kitchen and noted the vodka bottle you two had been given as a gift was half empty. Something in you asked if it was all worth it; did it really do so much that he drank more than he should've? Did it take away the feelings of hopelessness, like the one you were currently stuck in?

Those were the thoughts that followed you the entire day as you went about your routine. They followed you all the way to the spare bedroom of one of your old friend's homes as you decided you and Leon needed to take a break. If you didn't do that, you feared you would only lose him completely. Or lose yourself. It was exhausting.

But what was even more exhausting was not seeing him. You worried for him, and even if you sometimes felt like he didn't, he worried for you.

It would take about a week before something would crack, before the storm that had been brewing between you two, the one that laid dormant after you walked out to take from your relationship, would begin to thunder again, but in a much different way.

"We're here to have fun," your friend who had been letting you stay over said as she pushed a shot of... something into your hands, leaning against the bar from your side while you said on one of the barstools, "and loosen up. You specifically."

You rolled your eyes; this wasn't in your plan for the day, going to a bar. But it was more than you had done in the past week now. Your routine consisted of going to work and heading back to your friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

You wanted Leon. But you couldn't have him right now. You were still upset, and you didn't even know if he wanted you right now. Everything was a mess.

Things seemed to blur together over the course of the night in the bar, your friend insisting on you trying each new drink she got, some not new too. You had had one drink that you ordered of your own volition, and it had been a regular bottle of beer. But the shots your friend got for you two, and the sips of the drinks your friend ordered, culminated into more than you realized and you could say you were a bit more than just tipsy.

For some reason though, your friend seemed to be chugging along much better than you, you must've been a lightweight.

You hadn't even seen your friend in a while, but you also were so out of it that you couldn't exactly comprehend time properly at that current moment in time.

A hand on your arm and a familiar voice seemed to sober you a bit as your eyes met familiar blue, but they were clouded over with pain, with worry. Confusion too, and a bit of shock. Your fingers twitched, aching to touch his arm. His face. To smooth the furrow that seemed to be etching itself into his brow, threatening to become a new and permanent feature.

But the sober feeling you experienced also stopped you from doing any of the above. Rather, your body stiffened a bit and you pulled away from his touch, only barely missing the look of hurt that glided over his features as you did so.

"L-Leon?" the alcohol in your system made it sound more like you were questioning if he was real rather than saying his name, "What are you-"

The question you were going to ask didn't even need to be finished. It didn't even need an answer from him, because even if you were drunk, you knew Leon. And you knew why he was there.

"Oh," you couldn't help but scoff, "you want my drink? It'll start you off-"

Leon wasn't going to pretend that he hadn't come to the bar to drink away his sorrows; to forget all the pain he held onto and the nightmares he couldn't escape, and now the pain of not having you around. But when he walked in and saw you? Something in him stopped. Something in him twisted and he felt nauseous and for once it wasn't because of a hangover, but it was because of you.

You looked so miserable. Not that you realized you were wearing your heart on your sleeve at the bar, with the dejected look on your face and the limp hand holding onto a beverage you clearly didn't enjoy. Whilst at the same time, you looked empty.

Is that what you saw? Is that what he looked like to you when he was drinking? When he was at home or at a bar, focusing on anything but reality?

Leon didn't want a drink anymore, he wanted to get you out of a place that didn't suit you whatsoever. He wanted to take you home, he didn't want you to be him.

"You didn't come here alone, did you?" He cut off whatever you were trying to say as he looked into your eyes sternly.

"What? N-no I'm not stupid... I came here with a friend."

It didn't take long for Leon to figure out the friend because he spotted her coming near the bar, and recognized her.

"Hey, I'm taking Y/N home," Leon tried to not sound aggressive when he spoke, but it may have only made him sound more upset.

"Leon? Oh, ya, of course. Are you two...?"

"We'll be fine," Leon replied as he helped you stand up, "thanks for being with them."

He hadn't just meant in the bar but in the past week. It was left unsaid, but it was laid bare.

As much as you wanted to pull away from the man who gently wrapped one of his strong arms around your waist, and used the other to hold your arm behind his neck, you couldn't. You didn't have the strength to, and you missed him.

Leon was glad he had taken the car and not his motorcycle. There was no way in hell he would've been able to keep you on a motorcycle all the way back to your home that you shared, or well, you hadn't for the past week. But that wasn't the point.

"You're so mean Leon..." you mumbled as he helped you get into the passenger seat of the car. He all but carried you into it like a child and leaned across you to put your seat belt on. You leaned your face into his neck as he did so, breathing deeply.

"I just... Want you to be happy," you continued sloppily, "but you won't... Let me in..."

Leon's breathing stopped for a moment as he stilled, his hand still on the seatbelt he had just finished putting you in. He quickly pulled himself together and pulled back, adjusting the belt on your body so it wasn't digging into your lazy form, but it was still doing its job.

"I know."

There was so much more he could say, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure if he ever could.

He settled himself into the driver's seat and got ready to start the car up.

"I still love you though..." your words were slurred as you rested your head on the car window, feeling your eyes grow heavier.

"I..." Leon's hand was turning white at the knuckles from how hard he was holding the steering wheel. He didn't deserve you. And you didn't deserve this.

"I know..."

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stressisakiller · 4 years ago

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The Other Dursley (F.W.)

Pairing: Muggle Dursley x Fred Weasley

A/N: This was requested by and anon who asked for a muggle Dursley x Fred Weasley. It turned out longer than I expected but I hope that you like it.

Flashbacks are in italics. Fred lives AU

Warnings: None, Just fluff and like two curse words

Word count: 3.7k

Part 2

It had been over a year since you had last seen Harry when you and your family had been sent away from your home. You had quickly left your parents home as soon as you turned eighteen and moved into your own flat, above the bakery where you currently worked. You loved working in a bakery, working with your hands, and creating amazing food, you couldn’t be happier. Scratch that you would be happier if you knew what had happened to Harry, you hadn’t heard from him since that fateful day.

You had everything packed in the car when your dad decided to tell your cousin Harry that you would not be leaving. That he didn’t believe that you were all in danger from some of, as your uncle put it, “his lot”. That this was in fact all a plot to get the house that you currently stood in.

“Oh shove it, dad,” you said deciding to speak up, “Like Harry would want the house that you made feel like a prison, or did you forget that you literally put bars on his window?” He stared at you wide-eyed, you rarely ever spoke out against your parents, you preferred to stay in the background. You didn’t let him start speaking before you continued, “You may have treated him like a pebble in your shoe but even after all the shit that you put him through he still cares enough about you to make sure that you are safe. He wouldn’t lie about this certainly not to get this house from you. If Harry says that we are in danger then we are in danger so get your fat ass out that door into your car so we can get out of here.” Vernon’s face had turned cherry red and he stared at you with a look like a fish trying to breathe air.

“I-wha-you…” He stopped trying to speak when the look you gave him showed that there was no room for debate so he turned on his heel and stomped out the door. Dudley paused and looked at Harry saying in a quiet voice

“I never thought of you as a waste of space” To which Petunia lost her mind about how thoughtful Duddley was while you and Harry looked at each other. Rolling your eyes, you started shooing them towards the door. You turned towards Harry once you got to the doorway, and threw your arms around him,

“Be safe, I love you, and please find me when this is all over.” You looked up at him with wet eyes, “Remember Harry, you deserve to be loved and you deserve happiness, hopefully, you will get that once this is all over.” He gave you a small sad smile before pulling you back into a tight hug.

“You were the only person who loved me for most of my life and I will always love you for that, I’ll miss you and if I make it through this war alive I will do my very best to find you.” You took a step back-breaking out of the embrace, you gave him one last sad smile and walked out the door to join your parents and brother in the car.

The owner of the bakery that you worked at had gone home for the day so you currently had the place to yourself. The owner was working towards having you help run the bakery, so she left you to run it by yourself often. Your ideas for new items were creative and she had no idea where you got the ideas for the looks of some of the goodies. You had gotten a couple of books from Harry over his years at Hogwarts that inspired you. You were currently in the back working on an idea for a new pastry when you heard the front bell ring.

“Just a second!” you called out, wiping your hands on your apron you walked towards the front counter, looking up as you walked through the doorway you froze. “Harry? Is that you?” you muttered not quite believing your eyes.

“Hey cousin, I told you I’d find you.” That was all it took for you to run around the counter and throw your arms around his neck, you could see some new scars and he looked a little tired but he was alive and in front of you. “I have a favor to ask of you,” He stated, still hold you tightly in his hug, you looked up at him stepping away from the hug

“Anything” you replied. He smiled

“I have someone I want you to meet,” He said turning, towards the door he called out “Ginny, you can come in now.” The door opened to reveal a beautiful redhead in overalls. Harry proceeded to introduce the two of you telling you that Ginny was, in fact, his girlfriend. You were overjoyed at the news and couldn’t wait to get to know her better. “I wanted you to meet her because you are my family and I want you to approve of the girl that I am in love with.” he told you, “With that being said I was hoping that you could join us for dinner tonight, I want you to meet the people that have been my family for the past couple of years when I wasn’t able to be around you.” You beamed up at him,

“I would love that! I just have a couple of things to finish up here before I can go, would you like to come and sit in the back with me so that we can talk while I bake?” Nodding you all headed to the back and talked, you talked about everything that had happened in the past year. You couldn’t be happier, and you couldn’t wait to meet and thank the people that had loved Harry even when you weren’t able to be there for him.

You were finally done with closing up the bakery so you brought Harry and Ginny upstairs to your flat so that you could get changed before meeting her family. You had decided that if you were going to make a good impression that you had to bring some food along with you as well. You finally decided on some cream puffs you had shaped like dragons and some custard tarts that had nutmeg sprinkled in the shape of fireworks on top. You finally decided to wear a cute flowy blouse and a pair of high waisted jeans with your converse, cute but not over the top. You placed your goodies into a bag and walked over to your cousin and his girlfriend.

“Alright I’m ready,” you said, “sorry it took so long for me to finish up at the bakery.”

“It’s alright,” came the reply from Ginny, “we warned mom that we may not get back until a little later, so she should only just be finishing up dinner.” The way she spoke made you wonder how she could possibly be confident in getting there on time if you hadn’t even left the house yet. Harry saw your confusion and smiled.

“Don’t worry cuz, we won’t be traveling there by car, we will be using floo powder, it’ll get us there much quicker.” He stated as if that cleared everything up. Instead of asking the obvious questions of, what on earth are you talking about and what is floo powder, you decided to just follow along and watched as he walked over to the fireplace.

“Ok y/n just watch what Ginny does and then I’ll show you so that you can go before me.” You simply nodded knowing that you trusted Harry and he must have a plan. You watched as Ginny brought out a small bag and pulled some ash looking substance from it, she then handed it to harry before standing straight saying “the burrow” and throwing down the powder. In a puff of green smoke she vanished, you walked over to the fireplace, looked in then looked at harry.

“So I guess that means that we are using magic to get there?” He chuckled at your reaction and nodded

“That’s right, that was floo powder it allows you to travel between fireplaces in what is called the floo network, now it’s your turn.” You looked at him in concern

“My turn?”

“ Yes cuz, your turn, it’s very easy, you’re going to get in the fireplace, grab some of the powder then very clearly say, ‘The Burrow’ immediately throwing the powder down and you will be there in no time!”

Following his instruction, you climbed into the fireplace with your goodies feeling a little stupid, and next thing you knew you were stumbling out of a completely different fireplace coughing. You tripped while falling out and were caught by a very tall, very good looking redhead.

“Watch it love, can’t have you falling over,” he stated smiling at you. You heard a whooshing sound behind you and turned in time to see harry calmly stepping out of the fireplace you had just vacated. He smiled when he saw Fred’s arm on you.

“Great, you’re here!” Harry stated, “The first time I used Floo powder I ended up in the wrong place, so I’m glad to see that you didn’t make the same mistake.” You glared at him for a second,

“You mean to tell me that I could have ended up in some random fireplace but you still had me do that?” The redhead whose arm was still on you laughed

“She’s got you there mate, why didn’t you just apparate?” Harry shrugged and you finally took a moment to look around you, it was a cozy house, you could see that the dishes in the sink were cleaning themselves, because why not, and the clock on the wall had faces on it, all of them currently pointing to a spot that simply said home. You were enchanted. You were quickly pulled out of your amazement by the man beside you calling out,

“Oi, Harry, are you going to introduce us to this lovely lady or not?” You saw Harry blush and murmur a “sorry” before he walked over to you and started to introduce you to everyone.

“To start off the man that you stumbled into is Fred, he is one half of the twins and a real trickster, he and his brother own an amazing joke shop in Diagon Alley.” The man, who you now knew as Fred, bowed dramatically, and kissed you on the hand,

“At your service,” he said smirking up at your blushing cheeks before he was pushed out of the way by someone who looked almost identical to him except that he was missing an ear,

“Since Harry is doing a terrible job at it I’ll take the liberty to introduce myself, George Weasley at your service, I ear you are the only respectable Dursley.” He joked, getting a smack on the head from a shorter plump woman who hurried up to you

“Molly Weasley, dear it is so wonderful to finally meet you, we have heard so much about you from Harry, I’m so glad he had someone to trust while he lived with your family. You must be hungry, come let us go to the table and you can meet everyone else there.” she rambled drawing you out of the crowd and towards the dinner table. You smiled and handed the desserts to her as you walked to the table, smiling softly at the way she tsked muttering something about not needing to bring anything and that they were just happy to have you here. You were soon introduced to everyone else as you sat at the table, Fred rushed over to take the spot next to you much to the chagrin of the other Weasleys. You smiled at their playfulness, it was so different than anything you and Harry had experienced as children, you could see why he loved it here so much. As the meal progressed you found yourself speaking more and more to the twin sitting next to you, you shared how different your experiences as twins were and he talked to you about the joke shop while you talked about working in the bakery. Fed couldn’t help but be fascinated by you, you were nothing like what he expected any of the Dursleys to be. You were sweet and funny and absolutely stunning. He could see some of the flour behind your ear that you had missed while getting ready and the spark in your eyes when you talked about baking. His admiration for you was cemented when Mrs. Weasley brought out your desserts. He just started at the tart and cream puff in front of him, could you be any more perfect? He was brought out of his thoughts by your voice,

“Hey, Harry, want to tell them about the time we pranked Duddley into thinking he was a wizard?” Harry laughed loudly and began the story of how you worked together to find ways to make unexplainable things happen around Duddley to the point he ran crying to your parents because he thought that he was a weirdo like Harry. You had both gotten into the worst trouble of your lives that day. You thought Petunia might just kill the two of you but luckily it just involved being locked in your room with no supper for a week. It was so worth it. You didn’t notice how Fred looked at you the rest of the night but George and Harry did, and when they caught each other’s eyes they knew that they had to make a plan to get you together.

Sadly the night ended and you had to head back to your flat, you did have work in the morning. Harry, was helping Molly clean so he called for “Freddie” to take you home. You saw the quick glare that Fred gave Harry, and wondered what he could mean by it, were you that bad of company. But you decided not to say anything, you had just met and there were a hundred reasons why Fred would glare at Harry. Fred walked to you and took your hand smiling said

“If I’m the one taking you home then I am doing this my way. Think about your home very clearly in your mind.” you did as he asked leaning a little closer to him while you did, you heard a pop and felt your stomach flip over. “Perfect,” came a voice from above you, “We made it” You opened your eyes and were surprised to see that you were in your living room. You decided to make the most of having Fred here with you and asked if he would like to stay and have some hot chocolate. He agreed and you spent the next couple of hours sitting under a blanket on the couch drinking hot chocolate and laughing together. He finally had to leave around midnight since you had the morning shift the next day. Before leaving he gave your hand a quick kiss and muttered a soft thank you, you then heard a pop and he vanished. You smiled to yourself hoping that you would get to see more of the handsome redhead over the next few months.

Your hopes were answered when in the morning you heard the front bell ding and looking up from your kneading saw the redhead that you had fallen asleep dreaming about the night before. You wiped your hands off and walked to the front,

“And how sir, can I help you this morning?” you asked, putting on an over the top customer service voice.

“Well,” Fred spoke with a slight smirk, “What I would really like is for you to go to dinner with me” You could see the nervousness behind his eyes as he spoke trying to look as confident as possible. You decided to tease him a little bit

“Are you asking me on a date, Fred Weasley?” He looks at you with thoughtful eyes,

“Would you like it to be?” You tapped your chin as if you were thinking hard before replying with a smile,

“I wouldn’t mind going on a date with you. I still have a couple of hours left in my shift. Would you like to join me in the back until my shift is over, I can show you how to make those custard tarts.” Without answering he marched over to you, grabbed your hand, and pulled you towards the back as you laughed at his behavior. He watched mesmerized as you worked, certain that there had to be some sort of magic involved for you to create the things you did. You assured him that you were in no way magical you just loved to bake. He joked with you about the flour that flew out of the mixer when you first turned it on, and you decided to get him back by throwing some in his face. Finally, around lunch the owner came in to relieve you and let you head home, she was very interested in the “handsome young man” that was helping you at the counter. You pulled Fred up with you to your apartment, the whole time he was making jokes about “not being that easy”, that he’s surprised at how forward you were and, “at least buy me dinner first love.” All of which you laughed at and shook your head letting him know that he would have to work a lot harder if he wanted to have sex with you anytime soon. Fred may have internalized that and thought to himself ‘challenge accepted.’ You left him in the living room as you cleaned up and changed into something cuter. He couldn’t help the butterflies that erupted in his stomach when you walked back in the living room giving him a smirk and a twirl at his wide eyes.

After that first date he would come over to the bakery all the time, most of the time you would end up going up to your flat and having dinner before staying up and talking until it got late. He would then give you a kiss on the cheek and say goodbye before apparating back to his flat. It became a sort of pattern for the two of you until one day when he showed up at your flat on your day off. Marching into your house he stated that you would be going with him to see Diagon Alley, “Come on love, time for you to see my world.” he said with a flourish, bringing his arm up for you to grasp like a gentleman you giggled at how cheesy he was and grabbed onto his outstretched arm. Next thing you know there was a pop and you were in front of a dirty looking pub. You looked over at Fred and raised your eyebrow, he smirked at your confusion, “Trust me, love, not everything is as it seems.” he then led you though a large pub to a back courtyard and tapping the bricks with his wand the wall parted showing you the world behind it. You couldn’t help but let your jaw drop as you saw Diagon Alley for the first time. Smiling at your reaction Fred dragged you passed all of the shops until you stopped in front of the one with a giant animatronic man that looked suspiciously like the man standing next to you.

“So I’m guessing this is yours?”

“What gave it away?” he asked with a laugh

“Maybe the giant moving version of you at the front” was your reply. He dragged you into the door and you felt yourself gasp, there was so much to look at you knew that you could be here for days just looking at everything.

“Freddie it’s amazing” He proudly walked you through the shop showing you the greatest hits, you’d have time to look at everything else later, he insisted. You paused in front of the love potion,

“Does this really make you fall in love with someone?” you asked intrigued.

“More like deep infatuation, but it is supposed to smell like the things you love. Want to smell?” You took a whiff and were surprised that one of the things you smelled was similar to the man standing next to you. You of course didn’t make this fact known to him instead, deciding to keep this revelation to yourself. He finally pulled you upstairs to his flat to have tea and watch a movie. As the movie progressed you felt yourself get more and more sleepy. You felt Fred’s warmth next to you and the blanket that you were sharing smelled like him and all you could think about was how much you wanted to snuggle close to him and fall asleep. A few minutes later you finally gave in to your inner thoughts and cuddled close to him He simply smiled and wrapped his arm around you to pull you closer. The last thing you felt before falling asleep was a light kiss on your head and Fred Whispering “Good night my love.” In the morning you woke up in bed… funny you don’t remember going to bed. You quickly realized that it wasn’t your bed and that you were cuddled up to someone. You turned your head and noticed Fred fast sleep behind you, you smiled and flipped around so that you were facing him. He cracked open an eye and muttered “Mornin, love” in a voice still deep from sleep. It was then that you realized just how far you had fallen for the man in front of you. You looked into his eyes and saw a look on his face that you knew was mirrored on your own. You leaned in, feeling him doing the same, you paused a handsbreadth away, glancing up at his eyes you whispered “kiss me, please.” Immediately his lips were on yours, soft at first but getting more and more hungry, you nipped at his bottom lip and the moan that he let out was the most amazing sound you had ever heard. You finally pulled away because, air, and you were both beaming like idiots. “Guess this means your mine now, eh love?”

“Yeah,” you breathed out smiling, “I guess it does.” You chuckled “I wonder what Harry is going to say to this.”

“Harry? I bet he and George had a bet going, all I’m wondering about is who won.”

#Harry Potter #dursley family #vernon dursley #petunia dursley #dudley dursley #fred weasley #fred x reader #fred weasley imagine

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quixotic-writer · 3 years ago

Text

Love and Lust

Song Request: Salvatore – Lana Del Rey

Plot Request: Wattpad

Summary: In the world of romance, there are two categories of it that go hand in hand: love and lust. In the romance between Brian and Sal, there seemed to be a perfect balance that they adored. Valentine’s day dinner was the love, what came afterwards was the lust.

Warning: Smut ahead!

In the world of romance, there are two categories of it that go hand in hand: love and lust. In the romance between Brian and Sal, there seemed to be a perfect balance that they adored.

Love

Brian showed this through words of adoration, continuously telling Sal how in love he is with him, how handsome he is, and endless slews of ‘I love you.’ He was always quite a gentleman, holding doors open, helping Sal with little things, and a surprise gift once he came home from the supermarket which was something he saw in a window that just reminded him of his lover. Whenever they argued, he saw the hurt and fear in Sal’s eyes and was always quick to simmer down and apologize and talk things out, always ending it with ‘sorry,’ a kiss, and ‘I love you.’

Sal showed his love through surprise hugs and cries for kisses and cuddles. Physical touch was quite possibly his biggest love language. He always was quick and ready to take on chores around the house, including helping with Brian’s little feline friends. That was his biggest show of adoration and love: making an effort to befriend and care for the creatures he would often run from. He would always find ways to get Brian to smile especially if he had a hard day. Nothing made him happier than making sure his love had a healthy dose of happiness and laughter to off-set the more negative emotions.

Lust

They both desired each other in the most delicious ways. Their passion for each other in the bedroom was just as prevalent as it was outside of the bedroom.

Sal more often than not was the one to initiate and get things in motion. Brian was never one to complain and he was quick to get excited too. Truth was: Sal couldn’t get enough of Brian’s body. He loved every inch of it. Broad shoulders, rough hands with a delicate touch, sometimes he’d love to trace his fingers over his tattoos, and the main attraction. Brian knew how to work Sal into absolute euphoria, hitting all the right erogenous spots and filling him to the brim. He was long and thick, and Sal salivated every time they got intimate knowing just what was waiting for him.

Brian felt the same as Sal. He loved running his hands through his lover's slight curls that sat atop of his head as he was receiving a blowjob. He adored the way that Sal wanted nothing more than to please him over and over again. He loved the skin on skin contact, it felt like a fire was ignited every time he felt the other’s bare embrace. Above all: he fell submissive to Sal sometimes and he loved letting Sal have control once in a while. It created a whole new dynamic and it kept things fresh for them.

Valentine's day and it was a romantic evening out. Brian decided he wanted to spoil Sal for the evening; Bringing him to the fancy steak house they occasionally passed by in the city. Sal would always turn his nose to it saying ‘only absolute snobs would eat here.’ Brian knew he liked things simple, but a little treat once in a while never hurt.

“You absolutely did not Bri.” Sal retorted to the news of how he should dress for the occasion tonight. He was reluctant, not wanting to spend so much money on a silly dinner.

“You don’t worry about it. Just get ready and let me treat you tonight, okay?” Sal huffed but put on his nicest suit and freshened up. Emerging out and looking at Brian, Sal knew that they looked good and cleaned up incredibly well. “Look at you. Big ol’ teddy bear.” Sal said as he let his palms graze Brian’s chest and went in for a kiss. They both kept gushing until it was time to leave. It seemed to finally take Sal’s mind off of where it was they were going and all his other grievances about Brian’s evening plans.

The restaurant was gorgeous and the food was delicious. All Sal’s worries melted away as he enjoyed himself the whole evening and the presence of his lover with him. They talked and joked the whole evening, laughing, smiling, content.

“Would you gentlemen care to see a dessert menu?” Both Brian and Sal looked at each other. In that moment Sal had a glint in his eye, one that Brian knew all too well as he smirked and looked back to their lovely waitress.

“No thank you, just the check please.”

“I will get that for you then.” She was off leaving the two alone with devilish smirks on their faces.

“What’s the look for Salvatore?” The way Brian said his name already sent shivers down his spine.

“Oh you know, we just have dessert waiting at home that I'd love to dive into and enjoy.” He winked at Brian and licked his lips. Brian hummed with a smile.

“Might just take a little bit of that and enjoy some myself.” The fire was already beginning to ignite and the waitress couldn’t seem to come back soon enough.

Brian was quick to pay and get them out of there as soon as possible. He tried driving as safely as he could but he wanted to be home quickly. Their lust was getting the better of them, Sal was already squirming in his seat and Brian’s imagination was running wild and sending a quick pulse down to his groin as he started to strain against his dress pants.

The moment they burst through the door, clothes began to shed away and lips were promptly connected as they began to stumble their way to their bedroom.

“Fuck you looked so good tonight.” Sal mumbled against Brian’s lips as they tugged at the buttons of their dress shirts and grasped for the buckle of their belts. Brian moaned into the kiss hearing Sal speak. They continued to leave a trail of clothing, not caring and making a mental note to clean it up later.

Once they reached the bedroom, Sal pushed Brian onto the edge of it as he quickly tugged at his boxers. This was when Brian knew what kind of tone was being created within the bedroom for the evening.

“You treated me, it’s my turn now to give you a little something special.” With trained eyes, Brian watched as he sprung free from his boxers, twitching and aching in anticipation for what Sal had in store for tonight. Sal takes Brian’s length in his hand and gives long drawn out strokes, his grip changes as he goes up and down gripping harder at certain parts and watching as Brian lets out a drawn out moan at the sensation and rolls his head back. As he reaches the tip, he swipes his thumb around the top, spreading the pre-cum everywhere. When he did that he took his thumb and licked it, tasting the slight taste of pre-cum and smiling up at his boyfriend.

“More, please. Sal, I need more.”

“You do?” Sal looked up and batted his eyes at Brian, watching as he fell into submission. Brian knew better than to start touching himself, as much as he wanted to he knew better. If he had, Sal would have edged him for hours, pure torture. So he sat there aching for more contact, begging and pleading for it with small whines and moans.

“Yes! Please, anything. I just wanna feel you.”

“I love the way you sound when you beg.” He licked the tip of Brian’s cock, a sharp inhale was the sound he received from that action. He swirled his tongue around the tip before taking it in his mouth, bobbing his head just there at the top, listening to the sounds of his boyfriend and watching as his eyes sealed shut and lips parted. Brian was gripping at the sheets on either side of him, resisting the urge to shove Sal down farther. It felt so good, but it just wasn’t enough yet.

Sal was slow with his movements, savoring each and every inch he took into his mouth. As he bobbed his head, he decided that his lover’s had enough torture; He started taking more of him into his mouth. Brian groaned in relief and basked in the sensation. As Sal continued he wrapped a hand around his own cock and started pumping himself as he sucked Brian off.

“Oh god ‘m close Sal.” Brian was panting and Sal only picked up in speed. He now took his free hand and gripped it around the base of Brian’s cock – whatever he couldn’t get into his mouth without severely gagging – and started twisting and pumping, adding to the sensation and bringing Brian closer and closer to his climax. “Oh fuck~” Sal felt the spurts of hot cum fill his mouth, he held himself still as he continued to pump his hand allowing more cum to seep into his mouth and allow Brian to ride out his high. Sal pulls back and swallows, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Brian quickly pulls Sal onto his lap, lips crashing together again, tongues swirling about with the lingering taste of Brian’s ecstasy on Sal’s taste buds. Sal’s hips come to life as he starts grinding his hips into Brian’s to reach his own high. His hips were moving fast as he was already so close, moaning into Brian’s mouth, eyes closed, loving the sensation of Brian’s slick cock rubbing against his own.

“You’re so perfect. You make me feel so good. Gonna cum.” Brian held Sal close as they continued kissing until Sal pulled away, his abdomen constricted and ropes of cum painted both their torsos. Sal let out a moan that scratched the back of his throat as his legs shook because of the sensation of his climax. Brian pushes the hair out of his face to be met with half lidded green eyes and smiles, laying a soft kiss on his forehead. “We’re not done just yet sweetheart.” Sal said quietly as he pushed Brian back onto the bed. Brian was excited and ready, eagerly anticipating round two.

Sal ground his ass against Brian’s cock, biting his lip, excited to feel him inside of him. He grabs Brian’s cock, guiding it to his entrance, and slowly sinks down. Brian watches for just a moment and watches as he starts filling Sal and presses his head back into the pillow at the sensation of his boyfriend around him. His hands were on Sal’s hips, finger tips digging in slightly as he sunk lower and lower.

“Fuck I love your cock inside of me Bri.” Sal says as he circles his hips, eliciting a moan out of Brian.

“You feel so good around me. Please. More.” He tries to lift Sal off his lap to feel more friction, but Sal firmly plants himself down and places a hand on his chest.

“No no no Bri. I’m in charge tonight. I could punish you for that.”

“Please no, please. Don’t stop.” He was begging and pleading, hoping that it would be enough.

“Since you’ve been so nice today, I guess I'll be nice too baby.” Sal decided to take pity on him just for tonight, not wanting to torture him too much because that would mean losing what he wanted just to torture him. Instead, he decided he was gonna ride Brian until he was seeing stars. His hips quickly worked into action, lifting himself up, then dropping down thanks to gravity. As he did that, he could feel Brian’s cock hitting his prostate and sending sparks of pleasure through each and every nerve in his body.

Both men were covered in a sheen of sweat. Sal was working his hips as fast as he could loving how he was feeling as he felt his second orgasm starting to slowly creep on him. His hands were planted on Brian’s chest for leverage and balance. He loved feeling Brian’s hands roam over each and every part of him that he could reach, they eventually found their way to his leaking cock and promptly started pumping him in a tight fist, adding to his pleasure. Brian was hypnotized by the sight of Sal’s hips working so fast and it turned him on even more. Despite sinking down so fast onto his cock, Sal was still as tight around him as ever and it felt so damn good. He loved hearing the sounds Sal was making and each moan, whine, and grunt only brought him closer to the edge.

“Gonna cum again babe.” Sal said through pants as his thighs began to tremble and grow tired. Brian saw this and was quick to help, thrusting up and meeting Sal’s hips. This ended up hitting Sal deeper than ever before and he felt like he was in pure lustful bliss.

“I’m close too, cum for me baby.” Brian sped up the movement of his hand while thrusting his hips. With a cry Sal came all over his abdomen and Brian’s fist. This set off Brian, with a final thrust he finished inside of Sal. Both were left panting, tired, and just a little sore from the workout they just got. Sal had his head on Brian’s chest, it was lifted by his hand and their lips met for a soft kiss. “God that was incredible Sally.”

“Happy Valentine’s day. Let’s get cleaned up.”

“Yeah, this is… A lot.” They both looked at the mess they made and laughed as they found the energy to lift themselves off the bed to go and shower.

#fluff #smut #vulquinn #suki writes

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adarafaelbarba · 4 years ago

Text

Full

Pairing: Nick Amaro x Reader x Bryan Kneef

Fandom: Law and Order SVU and The Good Fight

Requested: No

Warning: Smut (Duh)! Do NOT read if you’re under the age of 18!! DP. Butt stuff (always prep!) P in V. Oral (Female and male receiving)

A/N: This covers the Double Penetration square of the Kink Bingo @thatesqcrush created! I’ve been so nervous about this and the Threesome square cause I’ve never written for three people getting it on before. But here we are, learning something new every day and I also get to challenge myself and think outside the box that is my comfort zone, so let’s go! ❤️

A/N2: It will MOST likely NOT be mentioned that Bryan and Rafael are identical. But if it comes up, so be it 😂 Also I’m just gonna assume Bryan went to Harvard, cause I don’t think it has been mentioned on the show … oops😂 -Karen

(gif credits to me!)

One thing that had drawn Nick to you was how confident you were. You were confident in court, no doubt about that. The other lawyers knew not to push too many button on you for fear you would rip them apart. You were also confident in your relationship. If Nick didn’t call, you knew it was because of work, or that he had Zara, and that was okay with you. You didn’t need him to always be there for you to know that he only wanted you.

Everyone who knew you both said that what you had was one of the best relationships out there. And those who had also know Nick and Maria, tended to say he seemed to be happier with you, something you had both agreed should never be mentioned to his ex wife.

Another thing you had a great amount of confidence in was in the bedroom, or wherever you and Nick found yourself having sex. You could tell him if there was ever anything you wanted to try out when getting down and dirty. And he knew he would never be judged if he wanted to try something either.

…

You knew something about today would be different when you walked into the courthouse to see a group of people flocking around someone. «What is going on here?!» You asked, your voice booming over the commotion. «Ms. (Y/L/N), how nice to see you again.» You could recognize that voice from anywhere. And as the crowd opened up, there he stood, as smug as he was back in Law School. «Mr. Kneef. What brings you to the big apple?» He chuckled at that. «It’s been far too long (Y/N). I figured I needed to come see you. Your assistant, Julianna is it? Told me you were going to be in court all day so of course I needed to come see you in action.» If there was one man too smug for his own good, it was Bryan Kneef.

The two of you had been close back in Law School. Always helping each other out, whether it was with school work or being each others dates when no one else was interested, or peaked your interests. Then he moved to Chicago, and you moved to New York, and well, as life happens, you moved on, and didn’t keep in touch much. «Well, well, well. Does that mean you want to see how a real lawyer works?» You teased. While you were here working for the District Attorney, he was off in Chicago working for a private company. «That’s very cute counselor, but no, not quite.» He had reached you now, and gave your cheeks a kiss. «You look incredible though», he murmured, and you felt chills going down your spine. Damn this man and his ability to make you blush!

…

Nick could tell something was off when you walked into the precinct after court, bickering with someone he didn’t quite recognize. «Counselor. What brings you here?» Liv asked, approaching the two new arrivals. «The case. Well, the witness you guys handed me. Completely incompetent. Did he even see anything that night? I told you to have him come over to get prepped. Didn’t show, no texts. Made me look like an idiot. And I don’t like being made a fool.» Nick felt himself getting hard at how she talked. «I’m sorry, counselor. No idea why he was a no show, but he sounded good when we talked to him.» Liv sounded irritated at being talked to like that, but it wasn’t like she didn’t need to hear it.

«Maybe if your detectives could pick him up and drop him off at my office, I’ll let it slide», you suggested, crossing your arms over your chest, «Call me if you have some more for me.» Walking past Nick you leant over and gave him a small kiss, «Be safe okay. I love you», you murmured, leaving with Bryan.

…

«Who would have known you would settle down for a cop?» Bryan asked over lunch. «Give it a rest Bry. He’s better than you are.» You had finally calmed down after the initial outburst earlier, and were now enjoying a meal and a catch up with your old friend, like you had never spent a day apart. «Oh please! Not that you would know that, but I’m incredible, in every way.» For anyone who didn’t know Bryan, they would think he was always this happy, and you had a small feeling that he might be like this because he was with you and he was out of Chicago. «Who says I want to know?» You asked, teasingly arching an eyebrow. «Don’t lie to me sweetheart.» That made you shiver. Bryan hadn’t called you sweetheart since your first year.

«Mind if I join you?» Looking up, you were met with your boyfriend’s chocolate brown eyes. «Not at all Guapo, do sit down.» Now was your time to talk to him, to both of them, about what you had wanted to talk about for the entire day. Leaning over as your boyfriend sat, you gave him a soft kiss, resting a hand on this thigh.

You and Nick had talked about wanting to have a threesome. And that had been when you had told him your desire of being filled up. You had never tried it before, but fuck if it didn’t turn you on to think about having two guys in you.

«She’s plotting something, I can tell. Got the same look she had when she had a plan on how to break the opposing council at Harvard», Bryan explained as you you just flashed a wicked smile. «What are you plotting?» He asked. «How much fun we could have.» The way Nick looked at you told you he understood where you were getting at. «And what kind of fun would that be?» Bryan asked, but you were fairly sure he understood too.

…

Getting back to your shared apartment, you all but crashed through the front door. «Such a naughty little girl», Bryan murmured, his hands on your ass, trailing kisses up and down your neck while Nick’s lips were locked with your. «I bet she’s soaked just thinking about it», your boyfriend murmured.

He wasn’t wrong either, you could feel yourself getting damp at the idea of getting filled to the brim. «She’s been dreaming about this for a long time», Bryan mused, squeezing your ass as he did. «This is your dream isn’t it Bry? Fucking your Law School best friend.» You teased him, biting your lip. «Does she run her mouth like this often?» He barely looked at you.

«All the time. Gets her into a lot of trouble», Nick commented, slipping his hand into the front of your slacks. A small whimper left your lips as his finger tips ghosted over your clit. «Naughty little girl», he said, his fingers rubbing over your sensitive nub.

Your legs felt numb and it was like you were about to melt. «Why don’t we get her undressed, and you can see for yourself how wet she is. I’m sure she’d love to feel your beard on her, (Y/N) seems to love when I grow one at least.» You gasped at his revelation.

Bryan’s eyes where blown dark with lust when you looked at him. «Does that make you wet sweetheart? Thinking about me going down on you?» Bryan asked, his fingers slowly opening the button and zipper of your slacks. You let out a string of small whimpers, nodding your head.

…

You felt so naked standing in front of them in only lingerie. But fuck, if it didn’t make you hot. The three of you had moved into the bedroom now, and the two men looked ready to pounce you at any given moment. You wondered who would go first when Nick spoke up, «Lay down hermosa, let out friend taste you.» Nodding your head, you did like you were told and laid down. «Good girl», Nick murmured watching as Bryan went over to crouch in front of your core.

«Mmm. You taste really good sweetheart», Bryan murmured, licking stripes up your slick folds. You were a whimpering mess, his beard scratching deliciously. In all the years you had known Bryan, you never once went for it, you never once tried to have sex with him, not that you would have been thinking about it since getting with Nick. But feeling how good he was with his mouth, you regretted the fact that you never once fucked him.

It didn’t take long before you felt your orgasm approaching. Pulling at his hair you looked over at your boyfriend who was looking back at you in amazement. «Nick», you whined, making grabby hands towards him with your free hand, «Want you in my mouth guapo», you added. «Dirty little minx!» Nick growled, quickly freeing himself from his slacks.

You let out a moan as your lips wrapped around his member. «Oh, hmm, fuck, you’re so good at that aren’t you?» Nick growled, looking at you as your head bobbed back and forth, taking more of him each time. Hollowing your cheeks, you locked your eyes with his as your release finally hit. The moans you let out sending vibrations through Nick and he quickly followed suit, spilling his seeds in your warm mouth. «You should see what her mouth does Bryan!» Nick gasped, pulling out of you as your friend stood up.

«I might do that while you warm her ass up», Bryan said in response, smirking at you as you let out a gasp. The two men shared a look before swapping places, Nick immediately going to grab the lube from the nightstand drawer and a condom.

Keeping your eyes on your boyfriend as he slipped the condom on you had to remind yourself to breath. «You ready cariño?» Nick asked, circling a lube covered finger around your puckered ass. «Fuck my ass baby», you purred, pumping Bryan’s cock.

A loud moan ripped from you as Nick eased his cock into your ass. «Oh Fuck!» You cried out, back arched up. «F—fuck—feels good doesn’t it?» Nick asked, slowly moving in and out of you. Not trusting your voice you could only nod, moving slightly to get a better angle on Bryan’s hard member.

Another orgasm came fast approaching, and you were sure they could both tell as Nick’s hips slowed, and Bryan’s quickened, fucking your face. Letting out one whine after another you clamped down as best you could on Nick. «Nope, you’re gonna hold it until we’re both filling you up hermosa.» That made you moan loudly.

Bryan was quick to pull out of you after emptying his salty liquid in the warm confines of your willing mouth. «Ready for us baby girl? Who do you want where, hmmm?» He asked, caressing your cheek. «Want you in my ass Bryan», you mewled, feeling soaked.

The two men laughed darkly at your submissive streak. «Guess you should lay down of this then Nick», Bryan suggested, looking at his new found detective friend. Grabbing two condoms, Nick handed one to Bryan while pulling out of you, causing you to let out a low moan. He quickly tossed the used condom in the bin before putting the new one on.

You were quick to straddle your boyfriend’s lap as soon as he laid down, earning a chuckle from him. «So eager querida», he mused, entering your cunt. «Hmmm always eager for you Nicky», you mewled in response.

Bryan pushed at your back to make you lay down, and without much warning he slowly entered you. The feeling of being stretched out like that was thrilling to you. The border of pain and pleasure mixing together made your vision go blurry. «Move. Faster. Please!» you moaned, clamping down on them.

Getting the hint, the two men started moving, making you scream out in pleasure, a mix of their names and incoherent babbling filling the room with slapping skin and grunts taking up the air too. You knew you wouldn’t be able to last much longer. The last orgasm being denied would make sure that you would be cuming sooner rather than later.

«Doing so fucking good for us aren’t you sweetheart?» Bryan asked, pressing kissed down your back. «Fuck, you clamping down hard, I think she’s about to cum», he added. Nick looked at you with a smirk before nodding at Bryan, «Oh she’s definitely close! She always does this when she’s about to cum», Nick confessed, making you blush. «Let go for us sweetheart», Bryan murmured, spanking your ass over and over, which was what tipped you over the edge.

Your vision went blurry as your orgasm crashed down on you. The moans and screams coming from you were mere muffled sounds as your ears rung. You had never felt so deliciously full before, and if you were being honest, you wanted it to happen again.

It was hardly there at first. But then Nick’s fingers graced your goosebump filled skin again. «You okay hermosa?» he asked, looking at you with worried eyes. «I’m more than okay baby», you whispered, smiling at him.

Whimpering at the loss of contact as they both pulled out of you, you lazily rolled over onto your back, looking at them. «That was amazing!» you whispered, biting your lip. «It was! A good way to spend my day in New York», Bryan mused, caressing your leg.

«You did so good for us cariño.» Nick caressed your cheek as he laid there next to you. Silence fell over the room, but it was good and you felt yourself getting tired. «I think I should head out, gotta fly back home soon», Bryan murmured, more to Nick than to you. «I’ll call you tomorrow (Y/N)», he added, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek.

«Be safe Bry.» And with that you fell into a deep sleep, a lazy smile etched on your lips.

Taglist: @sweetcannolicarisi@rafaheadcanons@rafivadafreddy@detective-giggles@mrsrafaelbarba @storiesofsvu@stardust-fray@beccabarba@teamsladsandgents @tropes-and-tales@kriegsverlobte@prurientpuddlejumper @meri-dawn @caked-crusader@itsjustmyfantasyroom @dianilaws @delia26 @permanentlydizzy

#bryan kneef #bryan kneef smut #brian kneef #brian kneef smut #nick amaro x reader #nick amaro one shot #nick amaro imagine #nick amaro smut #nick amaro #thatesqcrush kinktober 2020 #thatesqcrush kink bingo #thatesqcrush kink bingo 2020

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justpeachii · 4 years ago

Text

Pairing: Sugawara Koushi x Female Reader

Summary: After getting bored with your love life, you download one of those silly dating apps. However, things don’t go as planned, leaving you crying in your best friends arms.

Genre: College AU (Juniors), angst, comfort, platonic, mutual pining but both are dumb, kind of a cliche ending but :’)

Warnings: profanity and that is all.

Word Count: 3.2 K

Author’s Note: hello! This is my first fic here on the good ole tumblr and i hope you enjoy it! This was very much (sadly) based off of real life events and really just something i wanted to write to get my feelings out. i do suggest listening to the little playlist below while reading because not only were they what i listened to while writing, but also what got me through it (along with some great friends). Also uh… i didn’t expect this to be this long hehe YIKES. Anyways, enjoy! (also i’m SORRY TENDO he got the short end of the stick 😭 i’ll make it up i swear)

also tagging the lovely @noya-sannnn !! who inspired me to write this!!

Playlist

blame game (acoustic) by mxmtoon

Grow As We Go by Ben Platt

dream of you (acoustic) by mxmtoon

did it to myself by orla gartland

ready now by dodie

Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray

Late nights were always the worst. Between the endless torrent of thoughts or the overwhelming amount of homework, sleep was a luxury you could hardly afford. Afterall, juggling not only 18 credit hours of classes, a part-time job, and work projects for your major was not the norm, but for you, it was.

Not only was sleep something you often overlooked, but love was as well. That is until one night you decided to download one of those silly dating apps on one of those late nights. After choosing a few of your best selfies and creating a fun little bio, you got to swiping.

Left. Left. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Pause. Right.

It’s a Match!

After a moment of hesitation, you closed out of the message prompt, continuing to swipe and scroll before feeling the weight of sleep upon your eyelids.

It had been two months since matching with Tendo Satori. Two months full of laughter, late nights at each other’s apartments, and confessions of love. Or at least what you thought was love. What started as a spark had grown to the size of a wildfire, burning inside your chest. A newfound love so strong it made your heart ascend to the highest of places.

However, what goes up must come down.

While you would like to believe it was sudden, all the warning signs were there. Him growing distant, opening texts but not responding, cancelling plans last minute; the list goes on. The one thing that was sudden was the text you received before class.

Of course this would happen to you fifteen minutes before a two hour lecture. The last thing you would want to see: a paragraph of half-assed excuses followed up by “i just don’t think im ready for a relationship”.

You wanted to scream, throw your phone against the concrete, cause a scene, but you didn’t. As the tears began to flow, you scrolled on your phone for your most trusted friend, pressing on the call button next to their name.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Y/n? Don’t you have class soon? What’s going on?”

At this point, you were holding back sobs, voice coming out in a quiet whisper as you held the phone to your ear with a shaking hand.

“Suga… I have class in a few, but I- he-” you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words. What would you tell him after all? While you and Tendo had never put a label on it, it still felt like a break-up.

“He? Y/n, are you okay?” There was a faint rustle on his end of the line, the sound of him putting his shoes on. “Can you take a few breaths for me? Take your time, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

Doing as he said, you took a few snot-filled breaths before managing to get the tears to stop falling. While you did so, you found a spot outside the lecture hall, sitting beneath a tree and leaning your head against its trunk, letting your eyes close.

“He ended it. Tendo… He texted me saying all this stuff of how he was sorry for pushing me away and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.” You said in a firm voice. It was as if you were willing yourself to be strong for his sake, not wanting to worry him more than he was.

There was a pause from Sugawara as he processed what you had just said. When he spoke, his tone was bitter, one you rarely heard.

“That piece of shit. Over a text! He didn’t have the decency to call you or, hell, even set up a dinner or something!” He gave a sigh followed by a beat of silence. “I’m so sorry, Y/n… I know it is probably the dumbest question to ask, but are you okay?”

“Not really, but I have to be since I have class in,” you glanced at your watch, groaning, “six minutes. I don’t really want to go, I just want to go home, curl up in my blanket, and cry.”

While your heart was breaking over some boy you had known for a couple of months, Sugawara Koushi’s was breaking for you. Not only was he your closest friend since you transferred to the same university, he was also head-over-heels for you. When you mentioned to him the dates, he feigned happiness for your sake, supporting you through all of it. Now, hearing you in shambles on the other end of the phone made him want to run to you, pull you into an embrace, and give you the world.

Sadly, he couldn’t do what he wished. He knew your professor had a strict attendance policy, which meant that you would have to sit in class for two hours with a broken heart. Two hours for him to prepare as much of the world as he could.

“I know this is one of the last things you want to hear right now, Y/n, but I know it will get better. If your professor didn’t have such a stick up his butt you would be able to skip without a problem.” As your friend spoke, the tears began to fall once more, your free hand coming up to swipe them away.

“I know it won’t be for another two hours, but after your class, do you want to come over and we can have a movie night? We don’t have to talk about anything, just watch Tangled or Your Name.”

It took you a minute to find your voice once more, the ball of despair tight in your throat, leaving you to silently nod. Then you find your voice.

“I’d like that, Suga… I’d love it, in fact. I just… I don’t want to be alone tonight, but I also don’t want to bother you and I know-”

“You know you’re never a bother. Trust me, Y/n. After class, come over to my place. You can have my bed and I’ll take the couch.” His voice cut you off from finishing your thought, leaving your lips parted with an apology, a breath falling out in its place.

For the first time in the past nine minutes, you smiled. It wasn’t much, but Sugawara could hear it in your voice from the other side as you whispered, “Okay. Thank you, Suga. I love you, you know?”

“I love you, too.” His own face was graced with a smile, though behind it he held all his emotions. How he wished to hear those words uttered in a non-platonic way. “Now get to class before you’re late! I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

While you were busy in class, both from note taking, group discussions, and trying your best to not break down any minute, Sugawara was busy in his own way. As soon as the phone call ended, he was out the door, making his way to the nearest convenience store, buying the essentials for healing a broken heart. Four pints of ice cream, a mix of his favorite flavors and yours, a couple bags of chips, some candy, and even a new stuffed teddy bear later, he was checking out, checking his phone constantly for the time, in case he had spent more time than he thought.

With his bags in hand, he made his way back to his apartment, getting everything set up for the movie night. While it wasn’t going to be a joyous occasion, he wanted it to have a happier atmosphere than what the topic of discussion would be. He placed the bags of chips and candy on the coffee table, the teddy bear placed between them; ice cream in the freezer for future consumption. Once the snacks were in place, he began to gather the softest blankets, grabbing your favorite along the way.

Every time you would come over, no matter the temperature outside, he would find you curled up in it. One finals week while the two of you were cramming for an exam the next morning, he found you dozed off at the coffee table, the same fuzzy grey blanket wrapped around your shoulders. He even took a picture of you, asleep with your cheek in hand, other hand slack from writing notes that had since been abandoned. You still didn’t know about the picture to this day, but it was one he cherished.

Time seemed to pass quickly as he finished getting everything together, not realizing the time until you knocked at his door. Answering it within seconds, he gave you a gentle smile, opening his arms for a hug he knew you desperately needed. That was all it took for the dam to break once more. As your arms wrapped around him, the tears fell in steady streams onto his t-shirt.

His hands rubbed soothing circles on your back as he slowly shuffled backwards, pulling you two past the threshold, allowing him to close the door behind you. One hand rested on the back of your head, holding you close to his chest, the other in the middle of your back. The two of you stood there for what seemed like hours before you lifted your head, eyes red and puffy. Sugawara’s hand moved from the back of your head to hold your face, wiping away any remaining tears.

“Sorry for soaking your shirt.” you said with a small laugh, as you finally met his gaze. Warm, brown eyes full of nothing but comfort and safety met yours. There was a soft smile on his lips, while it was kind, it held a hint of sadness.

“Don’t worry, I like my shirts soggy.” He said with a chuckle of his own. After making sure your face was dry of any tears, he nodded towards the living room. “Now come on, I have a little surprise for you!”

After slipping your shoes off, you followed him into the living room, spotting the assortment of treats, along with the teddy bear. You swore you were done crying, but a few tears found their way out once more, but this time for a different reason. As you made your way to the coffee table, Sugawara disappeared to the kitchen, grabbing two pints of ice cream and spoons. When he reappeared, you were already curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, bear in your lap, and a few tears rolling down your face.

“You really didn’t have to do all of this, Suga. A movie and talking would have been just fine,” you said as he sat down next to you handing off your chosen flavor and spoon. He scoffed at your remark, gesturing with his spoon.

“And just fine isn’t good enough! No one deserves to be broken up with through a text. Especially you, Y/n. Why, the next time I see him, he better watch his back.” He said, his glare pointed off to the side.

“There will be no fighting him, okay? Physical or verbally. What happened is… What happened. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming when I could have if I just looked.” You said, opening up the pint and taking a spoonful. With a small huff, he copied your motions, a beat of silence falling between the two of you.

The lull in conversation lasted for a little while as neither knew what to say. You didn’t want to speak anymore on what had happened, but it was eating away at you. Sugawara could tell it was, so finally he spoke, clearing his throat before doing so.

“I’ll listen,” he said, his gaze meeting yours. The look you gave him was almost that of a puppy that had been scolded. Hurt. Sad. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. You can tell me everything, okay?”

The two of you sat in silence for a minute more before he decided to put on a movie, filling the void. By the halfway point, the two of you had finished your pints, the cartons since abandoned on the coffee table. The other snacks are left untouched. Finally, you turn towards him and take a deep breath.

“I’m ready now.”

Those three words were all it took for him to pause the movie and shift to face you. For the next two hours, you spilled your emotions to him, both the highs and lows of the two month endeavor. At some point, he had pulled you into his arms and between his legs, his back against the arm of the couch with you on his chest. Your tears soaked his shirt once more as his hands ran up and down your back. Soon, you found yourself asleep in his embrace, exhausted from emotions.

Sugawara looked down at your finally peaceful face, cheeks stained from tears. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the crown of your head, closing his eyes as he silently prayed he would never see you like this again.

After that night, you and Sugawara started to spend more time together. Not only for study nights, but weekly movie watch nights, daily lunch meet-ups, and impromptu ice cream runs.

The three months leading up to finals left your old feelings to return, but somehow stronger. While you had gotten over Tendo rather quickly (and likewise with him. Not a week after your “break up” he was in a relationship with someone else) you didn’t want to admit your feelings for your best friend. At least that was the plan until a particularly late night study session that had you banging your head against a textbook that lay on the coffee table.

“You know you can’t actually cram the information into your memory, right?” Sugawara said with a chuckle. You groaned in response, wadding up a piece of paper and throwing it at him. He batted it away swiftly, leaning on his elbows.

“I know that, but what I don’t know is how I’m expected to memorize all of these algorithms in order to pass!” You whined, giving up as you flopped onto your back, tugging the blanket that was around your shoulders closer. From his spot across the table, Sugawara continued to type away on his laptop, stifling a yawn.

Laying there, you looked up at the ceiling, thinking back over the past few months. Your mind wandered back to that one terrible day and the lengths that Sugawara had gone through to make sure you were alright. It brought a smile to your face as you closed your eyes, giving a soft sigh. This caught the grey-haired boy’s attention, looking away from his work to see you with the dumbest grin on your face. He couldn’t help his own from pulling at his lips.

“What are you thinking about over there? Doesn’t seem like it’s math by the smile on your face.”

“You.”

Caught off guard, he blinked a few times before responding. You, however, hadn’t realized what you had said just yet. While it wasn’t wrong, it was very bold.

“Me? What about me?” He asked, his curiosity overpowering his nerves for the time being.

“How you surprised me that one night. Ice cream, snacks, a teddy bear… Your smile, how much you always seem to make me laugh, you good of a hugger you are… How much I think I love you.” As you listed things off, you grew quieter and quieter, your voice a whisper by the end.

Sugawara’s heart felt like it had just gotten done running sprints after losing a match back in high school. He felt his cheeks flush as he shifted to better look over the table at you. Never had you said you loved him outside of a friendly manner and here you were, on his living room floor confessing your love for him.

“You think… You love me, Y/n?” The breath that he had been holding exhaled in a sigh afterwards, only to be replaced with another as he waited for you to respond.

It was then that you realized what you had said. Immediately, you felt your cheeks flush as you sat up with wide eyes, abandoning the blanket on the floor. Looking like a deer in the headlights, you searched his face for a sign of anything. What you found were cheeks as red as your own, a hint of excitement behind his eyes, and a semi-confused look plastered on his face. You felt it was as good a time as any to get it off the table. Taking a deep breath, you nodded.

“I do, Suga. And I have since the first semester of sophomore year and I never told you because I didn’t think you felt the same way or that things would get a little awkward between the two of us. I tried to just push the feelings away or ignore them, hoping they would go away, but they didn’t and I was too dumb to say anything.”

In the silence that followed, you prepared yourself for the worst. However, the worst didn’t come. Instead, a small string of laughter fell from his lips as the corners of his eyes crinkled, a bright smile lighting up his face.

“Then we are both dumb, Y/n! I did all of those things for you that night because not only are you my best friend, but I truly do love you. It hurt seeing you like that and I knew I couldn’t tell you how I felt because it wasn’t right.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, you moved back to the coffee table, placing your elbows on it before laying your hands flat on the surface. Soon, his hands found yours, thumb brushing against the back of your hands. With a small laugh, you gave a small shrug.

With a breathy laugh, you responded, “Even so, why didn’t either of us say something sooner! Then we would have avoided all of that to begin with.”

Sugawara just shook his head, giving your hands a tight squeeze. “True, but that was the past. Where we are now is where we were meant to be. Like I told you, it got better.”

“It did, and it was all because of you.” Turning your hands over in his, you gave them a gentle squeeze, to which he returned.

“I love you, Y/n”

“I love you, too, Suga.”

#sugawara x reader #sugawara x yn #sugawara x you #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara koushi x yn #sugawara koushi x you #sugawara fanfic #sugawara koushi #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x yn #haikyuu x you #reader instert #haikyuu reader insert #justpeachii #justpeachii originals #its here you guys i cannot believe it #im gonna go drink some tea now and maybe work more on the daichi spy au

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sugarandspice-games · 4 years ago

Text

Okay, so I finally got through Saeran's good ending, I might go back and play the normal and other bad endings later if I feel like it, but as that was an emotional rollercoaster, I need some time to recover. But I'm going to put my full review under the cut.

Will I be releasing my rewrite outline at this point (though not really a rewrite, since I made it before the AE was ever released when I was drunk and salty at the lack of news)? I'm not sure. I wasn't 100% satisfied, but we'll call it a good 65% as I feel like there was more I liked than I hated. I'll leave that decision up to my dear readers, whether or not they want to see it. (Though there are only like... 8 of you here and I know you're probably here for Obey Me content and not MysMess)

I do plan on playing the Jumin Bad End DLC, but I may not liveblog it as I haven't really heard good things. This seems like another ploy for fanservice, but I do want to get more lore about Jumin's backstory, and honestly... I'm gay and want to see those sexy CGs. That being said... this is the last I will discuss the canon material on this blog, and it may be the last time I engage with the canon material (as I believe cheritz has announced that this is the finale anyway, and will no longer update the game). I will most likely continue to create fan content for it, as Sugar and I have our own sort of... fanfic thing going on with the characters and our OCs. But this is a personal and huge special interest of mine, and rather than go through everything and pick it apart for the rest of my days... I want to leave the game and the characters I love so much with only my happiest memories. They'll live on in my heart.

But I digress... here is my semi-condensed review. Sugar may talk about it as well, though I do not speak for them. THIS SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID BUT HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT COMPLETE THE GOOD END OF RAY'S AE.

The Good:

Saeran. Saeran was the best thing about this route. His character development was beautiful, and every time I saw him, I felt my heart swell with pride and love. His new sprites are so adorable as well as his beautiful CGs, and he looks healthier and happier in a lot of them. He's grown to be such a loving, gorgeous, wonderful man despite everything that happened in his painful life, and his story is nothing short of inspirational. I have a lot of love for Saeran, I have from the moment I saw him but this route really drove it home for me. He will have a special place in my heart among my fictional loves that can never be replaced.

Jumin Jumin Jumin! Jumin was one of the absolute MVPs this route, he was doing the most and boy... I just want to hug him. Even though he was in horrendous pain he was doing the absolute best he could to help everyone. He's been a love of mine for a long time, and that love only grew in this route. I was also glad to meet Driver Kim and see the interaction between him and Daddy Han Sr. (Because obviously Juju is the junior Daddy Han lol)-- even though I have mixed feelings about the Chairman, it makes me happy to see Jumin getting the caring he deserves from his father. And the fact that he even turned his back to let Jumin express his emotions without feeling embarrassed... Fucking killed me.

They did Rika right this go around. Yes, she got off to a really rough start, but she was very human and bearable here... and complete with her realizing her wrongdoings and working to right them in the end. It was a gorgeous arc, I'm so happy for her. I have a love hate relationship with her character, as she used to be a very badly written villain IMO... but one of the good things about Another Story in general is that it gave her depth that she didn't have before. And if they wanted to redeem her, they 100% did it right here, even if she had a rough beginning and had to make mistakes to get to where she was. I thought it was very human. Good on you, cheritz.

Vanderwood got a lot of good interactions here, and I'm really happy they gave us more Van content. Even if we're not getting a route for him, it's enough to me to finally see him expressing the affection we all know that he holds for Saeyoung, and working to help him.

The twins finally get to be happy! Need I say more?

Everyone doing well in their lives made me really happy too... most of the other routes had this problem where if one person got to be happy, someone else would have to suffer in exchange. I'm so glad that everyone got a happy ending.

The new chats made me extra emotional... I'm not sure why, to be honest, I think I'm just happy to see everyone again. It had been such a long time since I played Mystic Messenger, and talking to everyone again just like old times felt like returning to a childhood home (though I was 19 when I discovered this game initially, haha). I cried a lot, which is extra weird for me since I don't tend to cry in general.

Yoosung loves Saeran soooo much... in fact, everyone does. It made me happy, bc I was initially worried that he wouldn't have made friends with the RFA or that it would be awkward, but seeing everyone loving him and him being sweet back to them was adorable. Jumin also loves him and you can't change my mind (though maybe that's my wishful thinking of being in a Jumin & Saeran sandwich talking...)

So many good messages in this AE, and they hit very personally. I came to the same realization last year, that in the end, nothing in life matters except love, since you can't take anything else with you when you die. I shan't elaborate more!

Everyone's voice acting was so good! It was so beautiful and emotional, I could feel it through their voices. I usually skip the voice lines since I read so fast, but I'm happy I didn't.

The Bad:

Oh Jihyun... what have they done to you? I know I said he wasn't OOC and I stand by that, but it really feels like the writers hated him this AE. Even his sprite looked so awful and blurry. And he didn't get any good realization that he deserved better or anything, the literal cult leader and prime fucking minister got to be redeemed when he didn't. What the actual fuck. Sugar will definitely have more to say about it, and probably in a more articulate way, but let it be known that I don't like it either.

Furthermore, even if it's not OOC, it's structurally sloppy for him to come to some realization only to stay the exact same as he's always been. And same with Rika too. As I said in a previous post, having them both go through these realizations only to make them the villains again really felt like beating a dead horse. What can I say except AAAAAAAAA. WHAT THE FUCK?

Again, I must reiterate... why'd they make it so you have to be a bitch to Rika to get the good ending? I get that it's probably wish fulfillment for some people in the fandom, but it isn't for me. I really don't have any desire to berate or insult her bc in the end she needs serious help (even if I wanted to throw hands with her sometimes), and if the point was to call her on her misbehavior... some of it went too far (looking @ the "Don't stab Saeran's eyes out!" choice. I didn't like that at all, especially since it felt like you were making fun of Jihyun's trauma.) It especially made the end of her arc fall flat when she's like "Thank you for being kind and trying to understand me..." like, gurl... the game didn't let me do that without making me bad end! Jeez.

Also, literally why was it necessary to redeem the prime minister? He's a monster who tried to murder his own children. It's okay if they needed that scene where Saeran and you tried to understand him, but having him actually come around made no sense... why would he want to listen to you or Saeran when we've seen time and time again that there isn't really any good in him? He's just not a good person. And no, I'm not saying this because I wanted him to die or anything! ...Okay, maybe I did. Fuck that guy. I hate him. (Also the whole "you're only this way because you're lonely!" was so corny, I didn't choose those options but gjkgkgkfk)

The Ugly:

Have y'all heard about how much I hate the agency Boss? I hate him so much... I want to drown him in the toilet. I want to feed him taco bell laced with laxatives. I want to-- anyway, I digress. Not classifying this under bad because cheritz did their job by making him hateable and oh boy, did I hate him. He made me want to barf. I also commend his voice actor for somehow making me feel greasy through the screen. Seriously, dude, hats off to you. You are a genius.

That's about all I have to say for now... you can peruse my talk tag if you want to see any of my other thoughts on this game, but they don't tie into the good and bad. Despite the flaws, I enjoyed myself this route and I'm happy I played it. Even though there will always be things to improve upon in this game... I'm happy I picked it up, and I'm happy I met everyone. I would write them all letters or something but that'd be kinda corny since they're just game characters and won't see it anyway, and I know I'm not the only nor am I the most attractive MC out there... so this is Spice, signing out! Byebye, Mystic Messenger. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

All of the... weird horniness between Rika and Saeran made me feel grossed out. Her having him in a collar with a leash, and the game options that insinuate she has a thing for him... ew ew ew. Please stop it. That shit is so disgusting and I'm going to puke.

@ Both Saeyoung and Saeran: stop fucking trying to die all the time! Seriously! Let me love you and want to save you, when will you get it through your thick skulls that one gay ass MC who loves you very very dearly would NEVER be happy if you died? AAAAAAAA

#ray ae spoilers #mysmess #mystic messenger #ray after ending #spice talks #mysme salt

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steph-writing · 5 years ago

Note

Fem Byleth x Claude wedding...? Please

I got this ask a while ago but I needed the F E E L S to do it justice. And I can only hope I did it justice because THIS COUPLE!!!!!! DESERVES!!!!!! THE WORLD!!!!!! 😭😍 And I’m not used to 3rd POV writing so shit if I screwed up my bad lmao enjoy ;)

AO3 link

“Claude, you will not see the bride before she walks in!” Hilda barks at Claude for what feels like the hundredth time as she catches him trying to sneak in the room where Byleth is getting ready. “Get out of here before I chop off your favorite toy and ruin Byleth’s honeymoon.”

“Now, there’s no need to get aggressive, is there?” Claude tries to laugh it off but it’s clear as day from the way his stance shifts that he’s taking her threats very seriously.

But as he turns to try and make his escape back to the dining hall, a very smiley and a very annoyed Raphael and Lorenz block his exit.

“Hey Claude-”

“What exactly made you think you will marry Byleth dressed like that?” Lorenz interrupts Raphael’s warm-hearted exchange with nothing but sheer exasperation on his voice.

Letting out a deep breath, Hilda drops the axe she was wielding menacingly moments ago and smiles at the guys. “Good, you’re here. Could you please drag Claude’s sorry ass out of here? I need to check on Byleth.”

Not waiting for their reply, she storms off down the hall.

“I just wanted to talk with my fiancée, is that some sort of crime?” Claude tries to sound nonchalant, but it’s to no avail.

“I’m not sure you grasp the magnitude of the event that’s about to unfold!” Shaking his head, Lorenz, motions Raphael to grab Claude and start leading him away as they walk back to his room to finish getting him ready.

“This wedding is not only your joyous and, might I add, much delayed love union with Byleth, but also the joining of two great nations! Fódlan and Almyra were never amicable to each other, but that is bound to change with a romantic union of the leader of our free nation and the King of Almyra. You ought to show some respect and dignity to carry out your duties today!

“Besides, how do you think Byleth would feel if she could see just how little you seem to care to your appearance for today? Oh my, is that sauce I see on your shirt? Claude, this is unacceptable!

“Have you any idea what it would look like if…”

Lorenz keeps talking until they get there, all the way on the other side of the Monastery, but doesn’t seem to realize Claude, thrown over Raphael’s shoulder for good measure, has fallen asleep to the sound of his nagging, and only wakes up when Raphael puts him down non-ceremoniously on the chair while Lorenz hits his closet to find something he deems suitable for Claude to wear for his wedding.

Meanwhile, Hilda deals with something she never expected to see.

“What if he doesn’t show up? Or worse, if he says no? Or that it was all just a joke? What if he doesn’t really love me and this is just an overelaborated prank?”

Byleth is pacing around so fast that Hilda is having a hard time believing her former Professor even has the ability to talk so much and so fast all at once.

“Byleth, will you just calm down?” She storms up to the bride, stopping her at once and proceeding to fix the diadem on her hair.

“But Hilda, I-”

“I know, I know. It all seems very easy until it gets down to it, right? You get all these doubts and uncertainties and it makes you want to run far, far away and never look back.” Byleth nods slowly, biting down on her lip so hard she can almost taste the metal on her blood. “I’ve been there, remember? And you were there to knock some sense into me while I was already getting my wyvern ready to fly away.”

They both laugh softly at the memory. It is true, Byleth can still remember the tears on Hilda’s eyes as she questioned all she and her now husband ever went through and whether she was forcing him into their marriage.

“I was silly for doubting then, and you’re being even more now.” Gently pushing Byleth back to the chair, Hilda grabs some makeup and starts giving her some finishing touches. “My husband is a bit slow on that aspect, we both know that. But Claude’s different. He never hid how much he cares for you, nor how much he loves you.”

Byleth sighs, a small smile tugging the corners of her lips, and Hilda feels a pride tug on her now very pregnant belly. She was making her little boy proud by soothing his godmother at this time of need.

“I was outside kicking him out of here because he couldn’t stand not to see you until the ceremony, you know? He’s with Lorenz and Raphael now, and we both know those two won’t let anything happen to our boy. You can rest assured that he’ll be on that altar, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was already there, honestly.”

“It’s just… there’s so much that could go wrong.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be a Golden Deer wedding if it all ran smoothly. We are quite the troublemakers, Professor.”

Winking mischievously at Byleth, Hilda focuses on finishing her makeup, the ceremony is just around the corner, and everything better be working out because she will not run around to fix everyone’s mess with a belly this big.

But she’d sure as hell make her husband do it.

As Hilda turns around to grab a different lip tint color, Byleth seems to gather her strength and rushes what’s been eating at her from the inside.

“Hilda, there’s something I haven’t told anyone yet…”

Finally, it’s time.

Claude can’t stop fidgeting on the altar, counting the seconds until Byleth walks through the Cathedral’s door. He hasn’t seen her all day, and ever since he came back, he’s tried to hear her laugh at least once a day. But today when he woke up, she was already gone, and the guys were already ready to drag him all around until the ceremony.

He managed to sneak away a few times, but a very pregnant and menacing Hilda blocked his every attempt at seeing his fiancée.

They lived in Derdriu but decided to hold the wedding on the Monastery for several reasons. It was here they shared their first kiss, all those years ago before the battle where Byleth disappeared. It was here where they were reunited, where they shared their first touches, where he heard her cries of pleasure for the first time, where they declared their love for each other… and where he proposed before leaving for Almyra.

He looks around the room and sees all of their friends sitting there, eager to see their union at long last, all happy smiles and teary eyes.

Dorothea, Manuela and Annette are next to the piano, ready to sing the entrance song when Byleth walks in.

Everyone attended, there are Blue Lions, Black Eagles and Golden Deers spread out, sitting next to each other… Claude can’t help but feel proud of his soon-to-be wife.

She really did help create a unified Fódlan, if you look at everyone on this room, you’d never say they weren’t always united.

He wishes, however, that Dimitri and Dedue could’ve been here. Even Edelgard and Hubert… but he knows that they’d be proud of what he and Byleth are accomplishing in Fódlan, and it brings a smile to his face.

Even the Almyrans have showed up for his wedding, some of them even mingling and chatting with the guests from Fódlan – the way it’s supposed to be. Looking at his parents sitting on the end of the front row, he can’t help but feel his heart break a bit.

Byleth doesn’t have any blood relatives left. He knows she still thinks of Jeralt, she told him as much, and every time he sees that forlorn look on her eyes when she visits his grave when they come to the monastery, he swears over and over again that he’ll give her the biggest and happiest family she’s ever seen.

Lorenz shifts next to him, and he notices he’s making room for Hilda to get on the other side of the altar as the maid of honor usually does. He also notices Seteth and Lorenz are quirking their eyebrows at Hilda, which he soon does too when he sees the huge smile that’s on her face.

“What…”

Claude’s question dies on his lips when the huge doors crack open, and the music starts playing.

The sun is shining bright, and it causes a halo of light to surround Byleth’s white dress as she steps on the threshold.

By all the Gods in this world, how is it that she’s looking even more beautiful than usual? Claude asks himself, all else forgotten. There’s a certain… glow on her, he can’t look away. Is it magic? It must be.

As Byleth walks in on Alois’s arm, he only partially notices how the old man is bawling his eyes out. He remembers how emotional he got when Byleth asked him to walk her on the aisle as her father figure. And he’s sure the song the girls are singing is very emotional and has nice lyrics, but he can’t hear them. He can’t see anyone else.

All he sees is Byleth.

All he feels is love.

All he wants is to hold her in his arms and swear before every God and Goddess out there that he will never let her go again, that his life is hers and that he promises to spend eternity making her happier each day.

Her hair cascades down her back in soft curls, the golden diadem crowning her head making her look like a Queen, his Queen. And her dress hugs her every curve, making her look so tempting it should be a sin to walk in a church like that.

When she reaches the altar, he’s dazzled by her smile, by the sheer love that’s on her eyes, a look he’s sure is a clear reflection of his. Claude’s hardly able to spare a glance to Alois when he takes Byleth’s hands in his, but he’s sure the man didn’t notice through all the tears on his face.

Seteth begins the ceremony, a mix of Fódlan and Almyran traditions, and Claude’s sure it must be lovely, but he can’t stop looking at Byleth, and she can’t stop looking at him. It’s only when it’s time for his vows that he finds his voice again.

“I vow to love you, protect you, and stand by you. Now and forever. My anamchara, I will never leave you, for my life is yours and without you I can’t ever be. I never thought I’d need someone as much as I need you, and never have I thought that I’d enjoy sharing so much of myself, my dreams and my life with someone. Thank you for trusting me, for being my friend, for being my teach, and for being my love. I promise to give you all I am, and to be your friend, your lover, and your family. Now and forever.”

Byleth’s eyes are so marred with tears, her voice wavers when it’s her turn.

“I vow to love you, protect you, and stand by you. Now and forever. Finding you was like finding a piece of me I always knew was missing. Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone, for being my shoulder to cry on and the one to make me laugh even in the darkest times. My anamchara,” she says the word with that cute accent that always makes Claude’s heart hammer on his chest, “I love you more than I ever thought it to be possible. I promise to give you all I am, and to be your friend, your lover and your family. Now and forever.”

Claude’s lips quiver at her vow, and as they exchange their rings, both of their hands shake at their overjoyed anticipation of a life together at last.

At the sound of all their friends’ cheer, Claude pulls Byleth against his chest by her waist, and they share the purest of smiles before he leans down to kiss her with all the love he can muster.

Pulling their lips apart, Claude still can’t let go of his wife. Wife. He thinks the word to himself over and over, adoring the feel of it, only to have his thoughts interrupted by her small voice whispering against his neck.

“Claude, I…”

“What is it?” He senses her hesitation and tilts her head up with a gentle finger under her chin. She knows she can tell him whatever, he’ll still be there for her.

“I’m pregnant.”

His smile falters for a moment, but before Byleth can even look away, he breaks out in laughter, and pulls her even closer, lifting her as he spins around hugging her, which is enough for her to loosen up and laugh alongside him, both basking on the joy of the chance of starting their own family.

Today is, without a shadow of doubt, the best day in Claude’s life.

And as they walk down the aisle into their new life, they know they’ll love each other until the end of this world.

#fe3h #fire emblem three houses #claude von riegan #clauleth #bylaude #claude x byleth #byleth x claude #f!byleth #wedding #fe3h imagine #fe3h fanfic #fe3h fanfiction #fire emblem fanfic #fire emblem claude #fire emblem fanfiction #writing #fe3h writing #byleth #fe3h headcanons

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iwilleatratfood · 4 years ago

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happy holidays fellers heres my review of the newest madhouse post

long ass post that deals with abuse and a very thinly veiled death threat, read at your own caution

TW Abuse

im not gonna go too grammar insane as a writer especially since a lot of pokemon grammar is hotly contested. however like in the second paragraph lily makes a pretty obvious tense error lmfao. theres tons of little ones scattered around. obviously not proofread lol

“She didn’t know, Bonnie. This lady…” G racked her brain, looking for a way to communicate the problem in a way Bonnie would understand. “…She was kinda like the Sun.”

Bonnie prickled, her face contorting into pure, unadulterated horror. “BUT THE SUN IS PURE EVIL!” She made it very clear to the entire household how little favor she had of the sun, the bright thing in the sky that always made her head hurt.

was this necessary? this may surprise you lily but the people reading madhouse have basic reading skills. you dont have to explain this to us like we’re three.

“Your Mom wouldn’t let her split us up, though. It was the one thing she refused to cave on,” she continued. “And the lady got more and more angry over not controlling her completely. So one Christmas, she broke your Mom’s heart more than it had ever been broken.” G’s mind flooded with memories of that day. The aftermath of what was supposed to be a cheerful getaway christmas vacation for Lily and her then fiance. G awoke one night to find that Lily had come home earlier than expected bawling her eyes out on the couch. The look of absolute despair on the face of her lifelong friend. The things she spoke of. It still made G’s blood boil over ‘the last one’.

first off this shouldn’t be one paragraph if you want your readers to not immediately skip over it. the reason why authors like david foster wallace use it in books like infinite jest is to create prose that is painful and hard to look at. i dont think that was your intent.

second, i made a post on this shit and deleted it before lizzy told her side of the story because i wanted to not come off as a complete asshole. but i really dont care anymore.

putting your real life relationship problems, about a person whos accused you of sexual coercion (bc lets not mince words here, that’s what it is) is literally one of the lowest things you could do. this isn’t for “healing”, this is trying to weaponize your fanbase to harass your ex.

“You were going to have to tell her eventually,” G argued as she took a step back and glanced at Mikaila and Ginger, who had both clued in to the conversation and were looking at her disapprovingly. “What?”

“Yeah, but not when she’s still so small and baby,” Lily pouted before going back to comforting Bonnie. “It’s okay, sweetie. The last one is gone and she’s never coming back. Mommy is much happier now that she’s gone. It’s okay.”

“Then Momma will eat her,” Lily said with a warm smile.

“Oh don’t call me Momma!” G groaned.

Lily snickered. “Your Godmom will eat her.”

“That’s better,” G huffed. “And yes, I will. I’ll bury every fang in her sternum. I’ll purge her evil from the world with the unstoppable power of my digestive tract.”

hm wonder why this couldn’t make it into a comic. wonder why it couldnt be put to a visual medium right after lizzy’s twitlonger. hmmmm

“Was G like this when you guys were little?” Ginger asked.

“Sort of? When we were little, G’s psychic powers were still developing so she couldn’t really read people as effectively,” Lily explained. “And since we were both little, we had little kid things to worry about. Telling Bonnie about Kirsten only made her understand the feelings she picks up better. That’s why we have to be careful what we tell her.”

ok again with the past tense shit. i noticed this before and im starting to get annoyed. if this is happening now and its not a memory, use the present tense speaking verbs ffs.

my real point here is why is this a pokemon work. like whats the point of having G be a pokemon or this taking place within the canon universe. this is a ultimate flaw with a lot of sentient pokemon works, so lily you’re not exactly special here, but i feel like recently its become more glaring.

if all the pokemon act like humans and are sentient like humans, why are they owned by them? if i made G a sentient alien and removed all the pokemon shit, not a whole lot would change, and thats a fucking problem if ur making a work within that universe.

“I look forward to it every year,” G smiled as she hugged Bonnie tightly.

Ginger turned a smirk back to Lily. “So it’s like an anniversary?”

“It’s not an anniversary!” Lily exclaimed, wheeling around with pursed lips. “Why do the two of you always go there?”

if pokemon/human is morally wrong stop teasing it in your work.

“Why not?” Bonnie pouted.

“Because… dear lord, how do I explain this to a baby?” Lily let her head fall back against the couch.

“Because it would make both of us unhappy,” G explained as she ran her fingers through Bonnie’s hair.

Bonnie blinked, looking up at her Godmother in complete and utter bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

G bit the inside of her cheek slightly as she took a moment to consider her next words. “Well… a lot of reasons really,” she started. “A big reason is If she and I were together, I would only want to have her all to myself. Your mom isn’t like that. She needs to share her love with everyone she feels it for. She’d have to give that up just to appease my insecurities. Mikaila and Ginger wouldn’t be here to spend time with you or tell you fun stories.”

so why is G still here if she would be so abusive and controlling?

rest of the post is boring and not worth my time to review but seriously. why is this a pokemon story still, why is this G even with lily still after how controlling and obsessive she’s been in the past... typical questions that come up whenever new madhouse is posted.

and like. holy shit for a “damn good writer” lily cannot fucking seem to follow basic writing rules and/or basic grammar. even i know this shit, and i consider myself a writer that needs to improve. tons of basic tense shit that grammarly will hit you for, a fundemental lack of understanding on how fucking dialogue is formatted, and just massive paragraphs that need to be broken up so the reader can actually read the shit your posting.

merry christmas, i will be reviewing the next post as well.

#lily orchard #poke madhouse

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thebaddie96-blog · 4 years ago

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Once In A Life Time

~Chapter 2~

My Airbnb was a cute yet small studio with a great view of the city. There were stairs that lead to a queen bed above the kitchen, shit I even have a bidet. I don't even know how to work that thing but I'm sure as hell gonna use it.

“Ok B, it's your first day in South Korea. What are you gonna do?’”

“Mmmhmm well I don't know Be-Be let us think!!”

"K Dramas!!!" I yell and rush to turn on the TV. I settle into a show called 'Revenge Note' but not even 5 minutes into the show I start to doze off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*buzz buzz* *buzz buzz*

"Mmm." *buzz buzz* "ugh."

Slowly I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing in my ear. Grabbing it I answer without looking, much to my regret.

“BE-BE!!! HOW DARE YOU WORRY ME LIKE THIS?" I pull back the phone checking the caller I.D.

"Min-ho?"

"So now you remember your friends. Are you sleeping? You've been in Korea for 6 hours and you chose to sleep!!" Ugh he is so dramatic.

"Chill Min-Min ok it was a 14 hour flight cut me some slack and on top of that my entire outfit got ruined by some sexy tattooed god. Which reminds me I still have to change."

"Sexy Tattooed God??? Give me the phone. Hello?"

"So-eun heyyyy girly."

"Don't hey girly me, we will be at your place in 20min be ready." And with that she hung up.

Ugh great.

Min-ho and So-eun are old friends of mine. I've known them for about 5 years when they came to America to study abroad at the same college I was in. Even though I didn't stay in school I stayed in contact with them. Sometime around their senior year they decided it would be a good idea to date and have been together ever since. Min-ho is pretty outspoken but a softy at heart, but So-eun she is a force to be reckoned with.

I really just wanted to sleep. The flight was really long and I need time to refresh my senses. Sighing I get up, take a quick 5 minute shower then put on some black ripped skinny jeans and a black top. Just as I get my shoes on Min-Min calls me letting me know they are here. Welp here we go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We sat inside a Korean BBQ restaurant and god I didn't realize how hungry I was. My friends could barely get in a word as they watched me chomp down on the several beef strips Min-Min grilled for us.

"Ok ok B, slow the fuck down.선량" So-eun request looking around the restaurant at all the eyes watching amazed I could consume so much. I swallow hard then burp sitting back in my chair.

"Sorry I didn't realize how hungry I was and the food is so good!" I say scoping a big chunk of white rice in my mouth.

“Babe i’m so glad you're here. I’ve missed you so much.” Min-ho says pulling me into a hug. “How was the flight in? Did you navigate your way to the airbnb well? Why didn’t you call us when you landed? you know we would have come get you. Why were your clothes ruined? These are questions I need answers to."

“Min-ho! Chill ok. The flight, the flight was... rough but I made it. I didn’t really navigate myself to my airbnb but I got there safe. I told you I wanna experience Seoul for myself. And the answer to the last question; it's an un- interesting story.” I finished stuffing more meat in my mouth.

“Great we love un-interesting stories.” So-eun states snatching my chopsticks out of my hand. I roll my eyes slouching back in my seat.

“Really it's nothing, I was waiting for my taxi, a private car zoomed up to the curb and in the process splashed a shit ton of dirty street water all over me. The driver and his boss felt bad so they offered to drive me to my airbnb.” They just sat there staring.

“Ok… and when does the sexy tattooed god come into the story.” Min-ho say mimicking my statement from earlier. So-eun slaps his shoulder motioning for him to be quiet.

“The boss of the driver was the sexy tattooed god. But he was weird, he kept smiling at me and wasn’t really listening to anything I was saying it was just let me wipe your face this let my driver drive you that. I mean come on he didn’t even know me. I could have killed his driver and stolen the car."

“But you didn’t.” So-eun says smiling

“Shut up!” rolling my eyes I throw a piece of kimchi at her. “He told his driver to give me his card In case I “need” any extra help."

“That's great, let me see his card.”

“I don’t have it, it's back at the airbnb.” I quickly snatch back my chopsticks and continue eating.

“Well did you at least get his name?” Min-ho asked.

“Nope he never said and I didn’t really look at the card.” They both just roll their eyes giving up. “ His diver did refer to him as Mr. Yu tho”

“Ok that could be anyone in South Korea.”

I just shrug trying to enjoy my meal. I didn’t come to Korea for guys no matter how beautiful or sexy they might be. No matter how well designed and applied their tattoos are.

“When is your meeting with AMOG?”

“Not till Friday. I came early to hang out, sight see and shop.”

“I still can't believe they are thinking of signing you on as a label choreographer.” So-eun gushes.

“Thats not why they’re calling me in. Besides it’s all thanks to Min-Min if he hadn’t slipped Jay Park my youtube channel I doubt I would be here.”

“Nope don’t do that, he found you I just simply stated you were my best friend in the whole world at our last photoshoot.” Min-ho went to school for fashion design and styling. He is on the come up as one of South Korea's top stylists. And So-hun is his manager, don’t let her personality fool you when it comes to business shawty doesn’t play.

"Welp either way it's just a trial. To see how i fit in with the group, and how much of a demand Im needed/ wanted."

I've been dancing for pretty much my whole life but I stopped my freshman year of college after my mom passed. She really wanted me to be a lawyer or psychologist or something like that so I tried to do it her way. But one day I had a dream about her and she told me how happy she was that I would think to follow the dream she had for me but she would be much happier if I followed my own dreams. After I woke up I quit school and started dancing full time. Crazy right but if I didn't have that dream I honestly don't know where I would be right now.

"You'll do great!! Don't second guess you're self." I just nod shrugging it off. Im really just happy to be here. If it works out it works out if it doesn't…..then even will be ok. I hope.

“I have to go pee.”

“Great thanks for sharing.” Getting up I stroll to the bathroom and flash a smile over my shoulder. Min-ho pulls So-eun into a hug and kisses her forehead. Aww they are so cute. I throw them one last look and head toward the bathroom.

After doing my do I quickly washed my hands. I do 2 quick poses checking my outfit then exit the door.

“Dude your drunk! Watch out!” I turn my head to the commotion coming from my right. Some guy clearly drunk off his shits was attempting to dance on one of the tables in the restaurant.

“Leave me alone you party pooper.” he suddenly picks up a hand full of Sigeumchi Namul and chucks it at the guy smearing the seasoned green vegetable on his face and shirt. The drunk guy on top of the table proceeds to laugh his ass off. The other guy now irritated picks up a hand full of Oi Muchim and throws it very forcefully at the man laughing hysterically. Suddenly he slips in his drunken fit smashing to the ground near their table. The Oi Muchim that was originally meant for the namji on the floor sprung through the air toward my direction. It was as if everything was in slow motion. So-eun and I had the same reaction oh shock as the one who inflected the throw eyes burst open as a look of ‘oh fuck’ crossed his face.

Well isn’t this just great. With not enough time to react I felt the slippery red sauce splat on my chest and neck and the green cucumbers creating their own personal design on my belly. Just great.

The guy who threw the Oi Muchim sprinted from his table towards me forgetting about his friend who now looks passed out on the floor.

“I am so sorry, that was not meant for you.” he speaks with an incredibly deep voice. almost demonic like. I give him a "no shit Sherlock" look then proceed to flick the access food off of me.

“ You had better be are you fucking kidding me, why don’t you and your drunk of a friend go to a bar if you’re gonna do shit like this.” So-eun dashes from our table next to me helping me clean off.

“So-eun it’s fine. Clearly his friend is going through something, no one can get drunk at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.”

“Yeah.” The guy states rubbing the back of his head. “We just lost a pretty big deal for our company and he is taking it pretty hard. But that is still no excuse.”

“You damn right.” I shoot So-eun a glare signaling for her to shut up.

“Please let me make it up to you; no let my buddy make it up to you. He will pay for your meal.” Both So-eun and I looked on either side of this stranger to checkout his friend who is still on the ground passed out with his pants halfway down. So-eun and I share a look giggling a bit at the picture in front of us.

“Its ok you guys are good I-”

“I’m sorry hold on for a sec.” So-eun grabs me and turns us around giving our back to the guy. “Are you seriously trying to give up a free meal?”

“Look this is the second time today that I had an outfit ruined. I'm over it let's just go pay the bill, grab chicken and beer and go back to my place.”

So-eun just sighs “B, I can't let you do this, it's a free meal.”

“What's a free meal?” Where has he been throughout this whole commotion. “Woah babe what happened to your clothes.”

“Where have you been? Could you not hear all the commotion?” So-eun accuses Min-ho, slapping his chest. He just stares looking confused.

"I had a phone call."

“Min-ho? What's up bro.” All of our eyes dart to the guy behind us. I almost forgot he was there.

“Woo? What's up, what are you doing here?” So-eun and my head shoot back toward Min-ho.

“Hold up, yall know each other?”

“Yeah Woo and I go way back I do a lot of the styling for Dynamic Duo.” Both of our faces form an O and slowly look back to this Woo guy. Looking him up and down we both take in his appearance. Black jeans that fit his legs very well, a slim black loose fitted shirt slightly hugging his biceps and two full sleeves of tattoos covering his arms and hands. Jesus, he must eat sleep and breathe the gym. Finally scanning up to his face I am shocked by his incredible jawline and cheekbones. The man was something out of a horror film. Mmm maybe a soft core horror film cause you couldn’t deny he was attractive.

“Ehem.” he clears his throat looking at us, although it sounded more like a rough growl. “So about that meal.”

“Dude are you hitting on my best friend! At a restaurant?” You can always count on Min-oh to completely read a situation wrong. He smiles giving this Woo guy two thumbs up and a wink.

“ You know what, do what you guys want. Have him pay for the meal, don't have him pay. I don't care. I’m gonna go and see if i can find a new shirt. I'll meet you guys at the car.” walking to our previous table I grab my bag and head out the door.

“Really Min-ho” So-eun smacks his shoulder.”

#scenarios #stories #friends #fanfic #monsterwoo #demonwoo #ambw bwam #newchapter

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norcumii · 5 years ago

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yet another sequels rewrite

UGH. I have absolutely no stamina anymore. Ok, so this might be an unholy mess especially with as little sleep I’ve managed lately, nevermind the headcold, but here we go. I want it out of my system, dangit.

Under a cut because long thing is long, and MANY MANY SPOILERS FOR THE SEQUEL TRILOGY, UP TO AND INCLUDING RISE OF SKYWALKER.

Also, apologies, you can see where I got caught up in the banter and a character hogs the screen when they’re meant to be more on the sidekick level of prominence. I should fix it, but I enjoy razzing the character too much, so. Er. Sorry?

(and then you can see about halfway through my energy levels just died and the rest is handwaving. THAT one I’m sorry for.)

Episode 7: The Legacy of Skywalker

This begins much like canon, with Poe and BB-8 getting vital intel from random old guy in the desert – it’s not about Luke Skywalker, it’s about what the First Order plans. Finn doesn’t shoot, and no Dark Side figure romping around – though Phasma IS there, and she kicks serious ass and is generally terrifying. Poe is captured, Phasma questions him, sends him off to an actual interrogation cell.

We cut to a small smuggler vessel, sleek but not top of the line, has seen some wear and tear. Inside, Kylo Ren is having just another day as a smuggler kvetching with his crew – none of them want to deliver goods to Jakku, but damn the pay is decent (and stars know business has been thin lately – something’s been riling up the smuggling underground, though no one can point to what exactly). Kylo is tall, favors dark clothes, maybe has a helmet for when going into battle but not around the ship (very similar to that of the bounty hunter Boushh). His crew are Rose and Paige Tico, mechanic and gunner respectively. The sisters aren’t happy he wants to make the delivery on his own, but he’s determined – he needs them to come to the rescue if things do go badly. Someone has a bad feeling about this, but fine, whatever. Kylo ends with a cocky grin and a swagger as he pulls on the helmet and straps on probably more guns than are necessary (attentive audience members will note there is nothing REMOTELY like a lightsaber to his gear).

Meanwhile, Finn and Poe – tortured by a familiar style of interrogation bot – escape, and crash, and Finn presumes Poe is dead. He ends up meeting up with Rey, desert scavenger, and her new friend BB-8 who recognizes his jacket. In the background, we can see Kylo delivering a pallet of goods, bargaining with the locals, etc. Then the First Order swoops in, blowing shit up. The crowd scatters, Finn and Rey hauling each other to the parked ships. They run towards the closest – only to have it blow up before they get there.

The audience sees Kylo shrieking “My ship!” and gawping at the explosion, and about to be shot down (he was doing a damn good job fighting his way to the escape vehicles before then). Rey and Finn grab this idiot and drag him towards the nearest ship, aka a battered old Millennium Falcon. He shuts down a little as they sprint aboard, Finn dives towards the gunner turret while Rey works to get them the hell out of there. Things happen much like canon, though things break down in the fight. Kylo finally shakes off the shock of losing his ship and almost dying, and sprints towards maintenance to Deal With Things (by now the audience STILL doesn’t know who he is, but there should be the suspicion that he’s tied into this – he’s too familiar with things). The Falcon escapes into hyper, and Kylo is very angry about having to leave his crew behind, as is Rey about leaving in the first place.

We swap back to Kylo’s crew, waiting for word from him. As they’re scanning frequencies, they pick up a Resistance SOS. The sisters are exchanging looks, clearly not happy about this. “Aw man. Kylo won’t like this.” “I don’t like it, nevermind Kylo. Wait, play that on repeat, was that – Paige. Paige, that’s Poe Dameron’s ID squawk.” They share agonized looks, then Paige quietly says, “You know the Generals wouldn’t send him out if it wasn’t important.” “...shit. Kylo is gonna be so pissed.”

They rescue Poe, only to reveal the ladies are undercover Resistance agents, don’t tell Kylo, he cannot know. Meanwhile, they’ve gotten a space!E-mail/text from Kylo, he’s off planet and trying to get back they should get safe then contact him. So they’re off to take Poe to the Resistance.

Back on the Falcon, things break down again, dumping them back into normal space. A very crankry Kylo starts repairs, he and Rey get a bit snippy about how one does this, he’s being territorial until pushed then he’s all “you know what? Fine! You do it your way, see if I care!” Finn just wants to deliver BB-8 to the Resistance, guys, please stop this. Kylo is very against going to the Resistance for any damn reason at all. He just wants to get back to his ship, and off this stinking bucket of bolts! Rey...is speculating about Han Solo, and other legends (all of which make Kylo hunch his shoulders and be all disdainful). She wants to help Finn and BB-8, but she HAS to get back to Jakku.

They get tractored by a Resistance corvette, then boarded by Chewbacca and General Han Organa, who wants to know WTF is going on here, he hasn’t seen the Falcon in forever, not since Lando disappeared with it. And – wait. WAIT. WHO IS THE TALL SKINNY SMUGGLER IN BACK, SLINKING AROUND TRYING NOT TO BE NOTICED? WTF BEN?

(Rey and Finn: Who’s Ben? “That – that would be me, guys.” “I thought you were Kylo Ren!” Han rolls his eyes, looking embarrassed. “You’re really calling yourself that? Still? You came up with that when you were five.” Kylo gets a stubborn look and glares right back. “Hey, you know what, maybe I could’ve just named myself after the family cat, would that’ve made you happier?” Han has an agonized look. “Your mother named it after a land walker!” “And you’re complaining about Kylo Ren?? It’s not like anyone else in the family is any better! That was AT-AT the third, she has burdened at least two other animals with that ridiculous–” Finn: “Excuse me, but could we possibly save this argument for later?”)

Saved from more embarrassing family moments by the First Order attacking (unrelated to the Jakku mess, should emphasize how the First Order is getting up to more and more shit in the galay), Vice Admiral Holdo aboard the ship tells them to go, she’s got this. Off the Falcon goes to Maz Kanata’s.

We finally see the leadership of the First Order - a cloaked figure at the head of the table (maybe a holopresence?); Hux; Phasma; another cloaked figure, slouching and apparently uninterested in what’s going on. Something something ominous plans, the Resistance is the last bastion against us, the Republic is corrupt and just as bad as its predecessors, burn away the past and let new life grow forth as we dictate it, to create something new and glorious (and altogether creepy as fuck).

Back on the Falcon, Han and Kylo are Not Speaking To Each Other, but Han is answering basic questions about how the First Order’s been up to shenanigans, clearly someone’s paying off politicians and/or controlling them, they tried working within the system but that finally became a clear dead end so here they are. Grumbling about Luke being off on a mission and Lando’s been missing for awhile, it’s been rough. *MEANINGFUL NOT-QUITE-A-GLARE AT KYLO, who is still totally ignoring this* They’re headed to Takodana, which should be a solid neutral location - they can contact the Resistance there, then send everyone on their way. (He’s totally keeping the Falcon, though. It was his first!)

Things on Takodana go very similar to canon. The group splinters some, Rey finds the lightsaber, visions of vague betrayal, glimpses of Order 66, hints of the Big Four meeting. The First Order attacks (again) much to everyone’s shock because this is Neutral, how dare. Han and Chewie get captured instead of Rey. Leia shows up, invites them back to Resistance HQ, Kylo is...torn. He goes along with.

Reuniting with Poe, Kylo sees the Tico sisters being far chummier with the locals than they should be, realizes his mother had spies watching him, HOW DARE, he is an ADULT why are they LIKE THIS--

“You can yell at me all you want later, but right now we have data to decrypt and a rescue to plan, especially if you want to yell at your father in person too. It was his idea.” (It was, but Leia is THE head honcho, and she was the one who had to approve it.)

Data is from a spy, most of it has insane good encryption, but what they can make out is a HQ and something about Lando (??!?). They have coordinates, Finn has intel, so off they go for a rescue.

Since travel time is a thing, we need to see actual interaction with the new heroes. The new trio sparring, talking, hanging out playing space chess. Kylo is the awkward older brother figure who totally does not know how to fit in but somehow does a little anyways (note: these moments should be in the minority. He’s a side character, not a main). Getting to know and hang out with Rose, Paige, and Connix. Leia holds regular lightsaber classes for all interested (Finn’s a natural, Rey’s interested but prefers her staff, and Poe’s been doing this for years (Kylo is almost aggressively absent)). Folks keep stumbling over Rey in the hydroponics (look, there’s an AMAZING montage here, ok?).

The focus should be on Rey, Finn, and Poe: Poe digs these two; Finn’s reactions to going back; Rey grappling with how she left but at the same time she’s got people around and she likes them, wants more of this.

At some point, Rey - who’s been trying to get ANY and all intel on her parents or family who might just not know where she is, corners Kylo with Finn, Poe, and BB-8’s help. It’s honestly distressing to her that he has all these things and he just...left. He left family. Just...how could he?

He doesn’t blow them off, instead sits down and is visibly pushing himself to speak. “My family...is a lot. My uncle’s a galaxy renowned Jedi, the Jedi, the man who killed the Emperor and reforged a millennia old Order. Mom’s been an outstanding politician since she was a teenager, the Rebel leader, last Princess of Alderaan, the woman who built up the new Republic and kept it together though sheer willpower. Oh yeah, AND a Jedi, too. Dad’s a war hero, and while the criminal underworld sometimes says different, he’s got the rep of some amazing criminal mastermind with a heart of gold. My grandfather was Anakin Skywalker, one of the last great Jedi, General, hero of the Clone Wars - and Darth Vader, everyone’s worst nightmare.” He looks at Rey and Finn. “You two are at the opposite end of things. You’re figuring yourselves out from the ground up. Nobody’s shoulders to stand on, and hell, that’s hard. I get it.

“But for me…. My family – the names, the history – it all has such weight to it. All this legacy. I’m not anything like any of them, and I’ll never have the skills or power that any one of them do. Hell, what’s even left for me to be good at?” Poe opens his mouth, it’s possibly an old debate between them. Kylo waves it off. “I know, I know. ‘Find something. Make something.’” He makes a face at Poe, who makes one back. He turns back to Rey and Finn. “You’ve never had anyone’s shoulders to stand on. I’ve never been Ben Organa and not in several very large shadows. I didn’t know how else to find myself, and no, I still don’t know who that is, sorry.”

Finn makes a face. “So, what, we all ought to just give up because someone’s already been the best at things?”

“Hell no. That’s my problem, not yours. Besides, you’re not in those shadows. If you want to pick up that legacy, if you’re willing and able to shoulder that burden, more power to you. It’s not for me, though. Be Jedi, be smugglers, be heroes.” Grins at Poe. “Be the best damn pilots in the galaxy. Whatever.” He pauses and smirks. “Probably not the villains, though. Galaxy’s got enough of those.”

Leia leads the rescue team, there needs to be serious callbacks to RotJ and her saving Han then. The First Order is surprised at being attacked directly, but rallies, lots of fighting, Resistance doing well.

Phasma leads a mixed group of “specialty troopers” which encounters Finn, Rey, Kylo, and...danggit, probably not Poe. I want to include Poe, but he’s probably air support. During the flight, when the Resistance is getting the clear upper hand, Phasma motions to the specialists, who all pull lightsabers. It’s not a total flip to the Order’s advantage, but they’re using the Force and suddenly Finn and Rey are having to tap into powers they’ve only experimented with, and meanwhile everyone’s playing keepaway. Finn probably has Luke’s old lightsaber, Rey is ALWAYS dangerous. Eventually Phasma pulls out a lightsaber and does one of those scary Force throws so it’s spinny glowy blade of DOOM heading right towards the center of the normal Resistance troops, away from a very busy Rey and Finn who don’t even see it -

And Kylo reaches out and Force pulls it to himself, swings it around, and makes a face. “I hate these things.” (It shows. He’s adequate with it, but Phasma has another lightsaber and is kicking his ass. This should also be the first time he EVER shows any hint of being Force sensitive, and that includes he should never be pulling some Han Solo bullseye shots without looking shenanigans.)

Han and Chewie’s rescue party is fighting their way out, and then things cut to an officer running into central HQ, telling the two cloaked figures that no really, they need to evacuate, NOW, there’s too great a likelihood that the whole place is going to come down.

Head-Honcho-Cloaked-Figure [who I now desperately want to call Head Honcho inna Poncho, but I shall try to refrain] turns to Casual-slouchy-stance-cloaked-figure. “I think it’s time to reveal the Second Order, don’t you?”

The second figure shrugs, like it’s no big deal to them, and pulls out a datapad to punch in some things. “Signal sent.”

And across the battlefield, Resistance fighters start to turn. A bunch of them are using stun blasts, but in the air there’s no such mercies. I keep playing with the notion that Holdo’s ship just up and leaves the system (and let’s face it, with the potential for an Ackbar who’s swapped sides cackling “It’s a trap!” like “and you fools have fallen into it!” appeals, then sure, him too.) Paige, wherever she is, is also one of the turncoats. And down in that messy cluster with Finn and Rey, Kylo Ren pauses, then turns and strikes down several of the Resistance fighters he just saved.

At this point, people decide it is LEAVING TIME. Rey and Finn are presumably Most Distraught, there’s some kind of retreating fight between them and Ren-and-Phasma-and-her-troopers.

It’s not quite a rout. Not quite. There’s a lot of blood spilt on the ships they retreat onto, though. People just turned, for no reason anyone could figure. (Later, someone analyzes comm traffic, and finds another encrypted signal they can’t interpret.)

Our Heroes are Not Happy, for all that ok, they achieved some pretty significant mission goals. By the time they get back to base, everyone’s caught up with everyone else. Losses - in both senses - were significant. Finn took a nasty blow to the back, but given time he should be ok. Whether that means back to functioning as before, or he now needs some kind of mobility device AND THAT IS NOT SOME HUGE TRAGEDY, I leave up to the viewer. (In the latter case, damn well ought to later on show a number of Resistance members in similar circumstances, because representation and let’s face it, should be happening ANYWAYS regardless.)

They all get back to base to find that during the time they were away, a number of folks did the turncoat thing, but thankfully nothing too important blew up. Also, Luke finally got back from his mission. He greets the crew, and introduces them to what he went to fetch: a new medic named Kix, who had been working with some space pirates. (LET DANIEL LOGAN PLAY CLONES, DAMMIT.) They don’t know why things went strange, but they might have a few ideas.

General notes because I’ve reached the end of my patience with this plunnie, in no particular order:

I cannot emphasize enough that Kylo Ren is not, and NEVER is, the main villain here. He’s on par at MOST with Phasma, as we saw her in canon Episode 7 and 8. Quite possibly less.

It may or may not be relevant, but Rose and Paige were never sent out with the primary mission to babysit him (the man is THIRTY, for the love of GODS). He was honestly just a useful cover for them to travel around a lot, make contacts, and courier stuff. (He thought they kept making deals on the side, whatevs, not his problem.)

The person in charge of the First Order was once a Jedi (probably a padawan?) who escaped the purge, gave in to the dark side, and decided fuck the Empire and the Emperor, and what they did to us - AND fuck the Republic, too! (And that’s why they have the whole “burn down the past” attitude.)

There’s technically three “Orders”: the First order is the public face, the stormtroopers and the battleships. The Second Order is the hidden agents, some actually turned, but many with control chips like what was used on the clones. The Third Order is a group of Dark Force users, building their bullshit upon old sith books and those Jedi books they’ve decided to repurpose (and that way you can tie in the books of ancient Jedi Bullshit that were almost burned in canon).

Hux is in charge of First Order, Phasma the Third, DJ in charge of Second - he’s the reason there keep being encrypted stuff the Resistance can’t read. They go looking for someone who can slice into this stuff, and naturally this sketchy as hell guy has a reputation for being able to crack these things. No one really quite twigs to him being the likely culprit as to creating them. Or at least, that opinion gets drowned out somehow.

Finn was being groomed to be part of the Third Order. He did not realize this.

Kix helps suss out the chips and ways to try to deal with them.

Without much useful detail, my brain supplied Episode 8: The Fall of the Republic; and Episode 9: The Resilience of Hope. Make of that what you will?

I think this would mean 8 would be about the chips, while across the galaxy assorted sleeper agents would be taking out relevant political targets, and causing general unrest to take down the Republic. It should be about the small victories, not the large ones - this person rescued here, that life skill learned over there - even as the First Order keeps making successful powergrabs.

9 would be more about finding roots. Lando - who’s been spying within the Order, finally surfaces with intel (what intel is a very good question I do not have an answer to). I get the feeling Kylo would die somewhere in here - if so, it absolutely should not be the pivot point of either the battle OR the war, no more than Paige’s death was in canon. (Meanwhile, it’d be nice if Paige could be saved.)

No, the person behind everything is not connected to “something greater,” they remain a random padawan from the old Jedi who managed to survive.

I think that’s all I’ve got, tagging @dragonhoardsbookz for their interest, and many thanks to @dharmaavocado for egging me on and being a kind voice of reason. <3

#star wars #well this ended up messy #whoops #stupid brain giving out halfway through #sequel trilogy #sequels critical #fic ideas #plunnie for adoption #though by plunnie i mean a bit of a monster #it is frustrating how quickly i reach 'fuck it' levels of impatience #spoilers

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segenassefa · 4 years ago

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2: On Consumerism, Fighting Demons, and Societies Inevitable Collapse

Quarantine has been lowkey surreal. My constant complaint of never having enough time to do all the things I want/should be doing has now left me bored in the house, bored in the house, bored with nothing but time to get said things done. However, it is a dual edged sword - with the collapse and subsequent reformation of civil society outside my doors, it leaves me wondering – as well as a lot of other people – in the words of Miss Juicy…what the hell we gone do now?

Nearing the end of the first leg of my university career, I should be thinking about getting ready to transition to the next logical stages of adulthood - saving for an apartment, applying for permanent residency, as well as graduate schools and part time jobs. Yet, I’m worried about if these things will even be a possibility within the next month, six months, or even the next year.

On top of ALL of that, the recent BLM protests and the way that people (read: white people, Latinxs, Black men, homo/transphobes, etc.) have shown their asses the past few months is beyond mortifying - especially regarding the treatment of black women and how our value as individuals as well as a collective to society is really perceived.* This is not to downplay the murder of numerous black men in society, BUT who the fuck is riding for black women aside from other black women? And not just the ones who find attractive, or are racially ambiguous, or the ones you feel as if you get “guilted” into supporting and demanding justice for, I mean each and every black woman. I’m just saying, it gets pretty disheartening to feel like the legwork of the revolution is on the back of one category of people, and that your value to society is measured by the amount of emotional labour you’re ready to do for others, or how fat your ass is (but I digress…).

I feel like most people have used material things as coping mechanisms instead of actually facing their feelings and dealing with the things that bother them. Just think of the number of packages that have arrived on your doorstep the past few months. Breaking the glossy seal of packing tape is similar to therapy, until all the boxes are open, and you start feeling like shit again. And now, more than ever, there’s a lot to be bothered about. Western society has dedicated phrases based on the phenomenon of substituting true self-work with figurative emotional bandages (Phrases like comfort eating and retail therapy come to mind).

It’s nice to think that we – the people entering their adolescent and young adult years – will be the one to change these things, but suddenly it’s 2 am, you have twenty different things in your Amazon cart, (who the fuck needs a metal straw cleaning kit?) and you’re trying to see how far you can stretch and grab your debit card before falling off of the bed.

The conflicting messages pushed by society don’t help all that much either. If you look up “Kondo method” or “decluttering my closet” on YouTube, the numbers of videos that come up is astounding. Pages and pages of sweaty-faced, smiling YouTubers monetizing from this kind of faux “minimalism” only to post haul videos a few days later because “I threw everything out and now I have to rebuild from scratch sksksk!”. Does this not just perpetuate a cycle of buying and throwing and buying? I am....confusion, to say the least. Still I watch them, because I’m a hypocrite, and am also easily amused.

I will be the first to admit I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with money, with self-image, and with measuring my self-worth in proximity with “stuff that stems from a complicated relationship with physical self. Follow along:

Growing up, I was a fat kid. We don’t even have to sugar coat it. Think Terrio, but better eyebrows and more hair. Except I was not killin’ em, just myself. I always envied my friends who were able to go shopping at regular stores – read: Hollister, Abercrombie, Urban Outfitters (yes my friends were white), meanwhile I was condemned to shopping in the women’s department.

So, to compensate, I would buy trinkets – things like nail polish, lip gloss, journals, you get the point. My proximity to worthiness was measured not by the things that I bought, but within the act of buying. Growing up with parents who were also financially frugal also altered my relationship with money and blessed me with crippling buyers’ remorse after every purchase, even on things that are important (read: groceries).

But as a kid, buying “stuff” was fun for me – it gave me some sort of purpose, and the acquisition of things (even if they weren’t the same things my peers had) made me feel like, to some extent, I could compete on the same playing field. As I got older, and I started to have real expenses, I moved towards second-hand shopping. I would religiously find myself at Goodwill on weekend, after school, or with friends. I could literally feel an endorphin rush when I would find something that I would consider a “good deal”, and it made me feel (again) purposeful, to be spending money, even if I didn’t need whatever I was buying.

I should also add that the people in my immediate family does not believe in thrift stores (“Why am I working for you to wear other people’s clothing?”, I remember my dad asking me one day), so the act of second-hand shopping was also my form of rebellion.

I began to amass a collection of clothing that would put Kylie’s closet to shame. I began buying things for events and situations that were yet to happen, for other people, for when I lose ten pounds. It was a madness.

In freshman year of university, I had an unhealthy relationship with clubbing clothes. Did I have the figure for clubbing clothes? Absolutely not. The funnier part is, I couldn’t even go clubbing because I wasn’t 19 at the time. And yet I had drawers and drawers full of the stuff. Not to mention that clubbing clothes is incredibly similar to summer clothing and living between Minnesota and Canada meant that these things were barely seeing the light of day.

The moral of this was – I could never figure out my relationship with stuff, This quarantine has forced me to try and break down the compulsion behind my behaviour. I felt like I was spiralling the six weeks that they closed thrift stores, and I knew myself well enough to not try and online shop with the same kind of frequency as that. But the crazy part was, I didn’t die. I didn’t go into withdrawal (ok, I did a little bit, but whatever), and I was able to take the time to go through the things I already owned and find some hidden gems that were routinely buried in the cracks and crevices of my closet. It was like the episode of Family Guy when Peter realizes he has a vestigial twin – alarming and cool at first, but then it’s just alarming and annoying.

Its more embarrassing to realize that some semblance of myself image is tied to the frequency with which I am able to spend money. I would never say that participating in capitalist society gives me some kind of purpose as a black woman because God forbid. Also, considering that a lot of big names companies are actually racist and fatphobic as hell creates a whole new dimension for analyzing the power of my black dollar, sometimes creating another spiral of guilt leading to you guessed it – more spending.

As much as it seems like it, however, this self-reflection was not in vain. In the past month, I’ve cut down my closet from +200 pieces of clothing and shoes to about 40. If you ever want a fun, humbling activity this quarantine, just clean out your closet and be honest with yourself about how often you wear certain things. It was revolting to see the number of shirts, dresses, pants, skirts that I had bought and convinced myself wholeheartedly I was going to wear, only to pull them out of my closet months later with the tags attached *insert Marge Simpson covering her face meme*.

But at the end of the whole ordeal, it felt really good to look at my space and not feel burden or guilt. It was somewhat philanthropic realizing that not only will these clothes make someone else happier (I donated pretty much everything because it’s not always about money), but that my quality of life was not dramatically impacted in owning (or not owning) certain things. The past few weeks, I’ve spent more money on going out and sharing experiences with friends, but still nowhere near the same amount of money I would have spent buying clothes and other material possession.

Youtuber Kelly Stamps has a video on how minimalism “cured” her depression**, and the whole thesis boils down to the idea that owning less things gives you less to compare yourself too, thus making you happier (in a sense) and allowing you to focus the energy and time that would have been centered around maintaining and building your collection of possessions other things.

This still doesn’t break down the root of the issue, but it’s a start. I think when you have traits or patterns that you’ve participated in for so long, it becomes hard to step back and be objective enough to realize that you – yes, you – are part of the problem. I can blame my habits on a lot of things but at the end of the day, it’s important to realize that certain cycles seem never-ending because I actively choose to participate in these kinds of behaviours (accountability is sexy, huh?). While I’m not ready to face all my demons quite yet, it’s easier to do it with a nice wardrobe and a streamlined sense of mind.

Notes

*When I say black women, I mean ALL black women. Not some limited, cis-gendered, heteronormative view of what a woman is. Over here we ride for all those who identify as women.

**She emphasizes that she doesn’t actually means that it cured anything, but rather helped with her anxiety, and in turn, helped with her depression.

Links

That Family Guy Episode

The Kelly Stamps video

#cms #selfhelp?#consumerism

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sunsmitten · 5 years ago

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This is something that’s been bothering me lately and i feel the need to give my two cents. im starting to see homophobic comments abt gay ships on my dash and while the people saying them may not think it’s homophobic, it is. no one has to really read this, it’s just something i want to put out there. it’s my personal experience with a group of people that were very Straight Ship centered, heteronormative, and would frequently make the very same comments others are starting to make here: “gay ships are being shoved down my throat so now i hate gay shipping and want nothing to do with it” or you know, stuff along those lines. if two people rping two girls kissing or two boys kissing bothers you in any way, literally, in any way at all, it is homophobia. and here’s a good chunk of how shit like that grows and can become something very harmful;

when i very first started rping on tumblr i had made an oc ( both the oc and blog are looooong gone by now ) that wasn’t very attracted to women romantically or sexually. he didn’t define his sexuality, but throughout that blog i made it clear he wasn’t really into women.

i eventually made friends with this group of people who also rped on tumblr. in the beginning everything was fine, great and fun! but after some time they would make me feel bad for only putting my oc in a relationship with a man. in order for me to be included and not repeatedly discarded by them, i would actively have to put my oc in a ‘straight ship.’ and unfortunately, that’s what i did. i immediately noticed a difference with how they treated me when i finally shipped my guy oc with one of their girls oc’s, and i would have to repeatedly sit through them saying transphobic and homophobic comments abt other people’s ships and muses ( it was the transphobia in this community that made me leave in the first place ). they would constantly express their bitterness towards m/m and f/f shipping on the internet bc it was “more popular” than their m/f ships, and when i would try to explain how that wasn’t a good viewpoint to have, I would be ostracized, guilt tripped, and forced to apologize and ‘admit’ that i was wrong.

as i got older and more comfortable with my sexuality, i really only ever viewed/read content centered around m/m and f/f because like. im gay. and i wanna see gay shit, ya know? but that didn’t really fly with them. they’d would continuously make me feel guilty for this, call me misogynistic for liking m/m and f/f over m/f because to them being gay and wanting to see gay content makes me hate women, and i was called the big word itself. Heterophobic.

one of the girls in particular, we’ll call her S, was very keen on telling me how awful of a person i was bc of my preference, how ‘straight shipping is oppressed’ on the internet and im only ‘feeding into the oppression.’ for 4 years she would manipulate me and make me feel guilty not only for the type of media i consumed, but for my sexuality in general. it got so bad to the point that i would have frequent panic attacks and i still got the throw up stain on my carpet to prove it ( i got one so bad bc of her i puked all over my bedroom floor and then fainted ). when i would try to reach out to the others abt what was happening behind the scenes, i’d either be ignored or my feelings were invalidated. to me, she was toxic, to everyone else, she was a wonderful friend. but that doesn’t excuse or make her treatment of me ok and it took along time for me to realize that.

again, please keep in mind this went on for 4 years. this started when i was finally comfortable with myself and then to be thrown in and stuck in this situation bc i was too much of a coward to leave really fucks with a person. her distaste, hatefulness, and bitter attitude for gay people/characters/shipping was all taken out on me every week for 4 years. i’m doing my very best not over-dramatize this but yeah, it was every week for 4 years she would send me paragraphs of how terrible i was for just being me. how shitty i was as a person, how im a terrible friend, how the content i liked wasn’t fair to her, a straight person, that i was predatory for being a masculine identifying person looking at other guys, and how lucky i was to have a friend like her that tells me when i’m ‘in the wrong.’

near the end of last year she sent me another one of these multi-paragraph messages. at this point, i had finally become very aware how fucked up of a person she is and how i was never in the wrong through any of this like she originally made me believe. instead of agreeing with her and apologizing, a ended up snapping back. i told her how i felt, how she wasn’t being fair to me, and that i felt she was being very homophobic. admittedly, her response wasn’t at all like i had expected. She apologized, told me i had opened her eyes to some things and she’ll work on getting better. this made me happy! i thought that maybe we could continue our friendship without anymore of the BS.

after that i took a good break from being online. i needed some time for myself and i needed to think some things over about my life. during this time, i realized how lax i was with S, how i let her and that whole friend group get away with so many things and i began to wonder if i should even go back. even after that talk i had with her, she was still very defensive against homosexual relationships and would get angry if someone expressed more interest in gay media than straight media.

i was away for a good couple months, i was healing and rising above that bad mentality she forced on me. i logged out of all social media and messenger apps so there was no way her or anyone from that group could contact me. i hadn’t heard from her in months, until i received a letter in the mail. She wrote me a letter. A two paged letter. A LETTER. A REAL, WHOLE ASS LETTER. just so she can continue to try and tear me down. she started by telling me how much she missed me, a little starter paragraph kissing my ass until it, very abruptly, turned into the usual “youre shit, terrible, bad, you have no respect for me or anything i create, you hate me bc im a straight woman-” you get it. but this time i didn’t care! nothing she said in that letter got to me like it used to. the only thing that bothered me was her persistence to make me feel bad. she genuinely wanted to continue to hurt me. but with that time away and probably because i was so used to it by then, it didn’t faze me.

i eventually went back to social media and kept my distance from that friend group. i still considered them my friends, bc when things were good, i had a lot of fun! and wanted to keep that in my life. But, I blocked S. I blocked her on everything so there’d be no way for her to contact me and if she wrote me another letter, i would simply rip it up. i made it clear i wanted to go our separate ways with no hard feelings, i didn’t talk to anyone abt what she had done. no mention whatsoever. i carried on my merry way bc i was moving past it. She did not.

When she figured out i had blocked her, she threw a tantrum. she twisted my words and painted me as the villain by showing out of context screenshots of what i had sent in response to her second to last message ( the one before the letter ). she told the people i was still friends with that i abused her for years bc she was straight and put me on full blast on the internet. she did this because i blocked her.

it all happened in the time span of a second; i lost all my friends, i was blocked by everyone and not only called a piece of shit by her, but by everyone i still cared deeply about. i was forced to delete all my social media accounts so i wouldn’t continue to be put on blast. for a week i was upset bc really, who wouldn’t be? but after that week i realized that if these people i called my friends just took S’s word for it and were all so eager to tear me apart bc she said so, they were never my friends. they never cared about me so why should i care if im not with them anymore? it was a real eye opening moment and my dudes, im doing fucking great. im so much happier without them all in my life and i can finally do the shit i want. be gay and indulge on harmless gay content.

so! to make the moral of the story clear. The people that are so butt hurt over gay shipping being more popular than straight shipping are people not to be trusted. it may seem unfair to lump them all into a category, and im not saying they’re all as toxic as S, but their mentality is homophobic. disliking anything gay bc it’s not straight, is homophobic. straight people are constantly represented in every source of media and if someone is bothered by the fact that gay people are indulging in gay shipping in the rpc, they are homophobic. there’s no way around it.

im still getting over S and all that she did. i know without her i wouldn't be as tough as i am now and unapologetic with what i like, but there’s a good part of me that wishes i never met her or that friend group. bc of her i struggle with my self esteem and my own internalized homophobia that only formed after i met her. i’ve come along way in the months after i officially cut myself off from them, but i know this is something that’s going to take some time.

#➴ OOC.☼#PSA;#sorry it's a long ass story but i feel like it needs to be said #im so so so tired of people complaining abt gay ships getting more traction than straight ones in the rpc #and anyone i see complaining abt it i immediately dont trust.#i rly went from 'im sorry im gay i dont mean to offend u :(' to #'idc abt ur straight feelings. die mad abt it. straight? i dont fuk with u.'#and that's what we call character development.#i was bullied relentlessly bc i liked to see two guys and two girls kiss and bc i AM a bro that wants to kiss another bro #by insecure straighties #Gay and Bitter

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