#and work things out. and cas so desperately wanting to be /asked/ to stay. wanting to get past this.

[angelsdean]

thinking abt plot points for my divorce arc fic and just. the deliciousness of dean and cas in a Situation where they definitely need to work together and cas's first thought immediately is, "how can i go off on my own and fix this problem for us" and dean catching him getting ready to take off (without telling anyone!!!!) like !! are u fucking serious rn. like yea yea "i left but you didn't stop me" ok ok but what about, "you keep leaving over and over which sends the message that you don't really want to be here" (even if that's not the intended message) and he's just honoring your (percieved) wishes by letting you go, even if it kills him inside to see you leave (again. and again. and again.)

[whimsyfinny]

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Charlie discovers the Winchester boys to be struggling with keeping the bunker tidy, looking after themselves and being able to do their job simultaneously. Luckily she has a friend who’s from a Hunter family that is in need of work and can help them with research. Or so she thought that’s what her job would be. When Dean sees your more domesticated side, his head won’t stop swimming with all the wrong ideas.

Slow burn, enemies to lovers, smut

Warnings: provocative dancing, slight Sam x Reader, jealous Dean

Chapter Word Count: 4211

—-MDNI—-

A/N: aaaaahhhhhhhh sorry this one took ages. I suddenly had a bunch of personal things going on so I struggled to find the time. Also this chapter is wild, I’m so sorry for the complete train wreck that it is. I just keep writing without questioning it too much. But yeah same as always pls let me know of any errors as I am the only one who proof reads this shit.

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Please read the below first:

Prologue Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Chapter 6 Chapter 7

I’m Not Your F*cking Maid

Chapter 8 - Part 1

Morning soon rolled around; my alarm waking me from my deep dreamless sleep, eyes wearily blinking open as I stared blankly at the old ceiling. Turning off the repetitive beeping, I flung back the covers and climbed out of bed, pacing to the bathroom to freshen up before heading down to breakfast. I was in desperate need of a laundry day as I was down to my last couple of clean items: a cropped black tank top that said ‘Singers Salvage Yard’ across the front in old cracked and over washed lettering, paired with a short denim skirt with frayed edges. It was an a-line fit a long time ago, but as I got older and my figure changed it just got tighter and shorter. I don’t even know why I still have the thing. Paired with my boots and some comfy socks poking over the top of them, I looked like I should be getting paid to wash cars. I grimaced, knowing full well that Dean was going to make a comment.

Dean.

My mind raced back to last night with his parted lips and black lustful eyes - I couldn’t tell if he wanted to push me against a wall or be at my mercy, it was hard to say. Both sounded spectacular.

I strode into the central study room where the boys did all their research, looking for my flannel when I noticed a figure out of the corner of my eye. Instinct took over and I grabbed the nearest item to me - a lamp from the middle of the table - and held it up like a bat, ready to swing. The man flinched but held up his hands, an apologetic expression on his ruggedly handsome face.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” his voice was monotone despite his peaceful words.

“Who the fuck are you?!”

“CAS!” Suddenly Deans voice rang through the open room and we both spun to see him standing where I had just walked in, Sam following behind.

“Dean I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle her, I wasn’t expecting you to have visitors,” this Cas guy spoke, his tone forever unchanging.

“This is (Y/n), Bobby’s niece. She’s staying with us for a while to help with research,” he explained, before turning to me and giving me a stern look, holding his hand out.

“(Y/n) give me the lamp.”

I did as he asked, placing the cool metal into his palm as he returned it to the table. We shared a look for a second and I was unsure of the meaning behind it - was he mad about me almost bludgeoning his friend? Was it because I was going to use a lamp of all things? Or was it about last night, and the fact I left him hanging? Who knows, but I’m sure I’ll hear about it later. Dean was about to turn away when the monotone voice of Cas spoke up.

“I’m sorry (Y/n), please forgive me for startling you. Although…” he paused, looking me up and down and then almost knowingly between myself and Dean, “I have personally been caught off guard here as well - I was unaware that Dean was involved with someone.”

“Excuse me?” I blinked up at Cas, getting ready to snatch that lamp back. I saw Dean pinch the bridge of his nose and mutter an ‘oh boy’ under his breath.

“You’re sexual endeavours with Dean,” Cas looked at me like I was the one missing something here. Clearly I am. Cas continued, “you’ve been intimate, have you not? This means that you are a couple from what I’ve learned.” Suddenly his eyes went wide and he looked straight at Dean.

“Or is this a pizza man situation?”

“CAS STOP TALKING,” Dean bellowed, embarrassment creeping across his face. I’m assuming he’s not used to that emotion as he was getting very frustrated. I couldn’t help but stand there in disbelief.

“How the actual FUCK do you know about me and Dean after saying that you weren’t aware of me even being here before you arrived?”

“He can smell it,” Dean said quietly, arms now crossed over his chest.

“What?”

“He can smell… me… on you,” as the words left his lips, his eyes locked with mine for a split second sending a jolt down my spine and hair prickling on my skin. I tore my eyes away from him and looked back at Cas.

“So wait, this weirdo can smell that I slept in one of Deans T-shirts last night?”

“You slept in one of his shirts?” Sam asked, piping up for the first time since this conversation started. Dean grinned like the cat that got the cream, embarrassment dissipating for a second.

“Yeah, she did.”

“Hmmm,” Cas mumbled, “No it’s not just that… It’s stronger, like there is part of Dean in her somehow. Or at least there was; not so much anymore.”

My eyes went as wide as the moon and my cheeks felt like they’d been set on fire.

“OH MY GOD,” I hid my face in my hands, wanting the ground to swallow me up. Whilst I tried to hide my entire existence, Dean cackled, leaving Sam confused.

“I don’t get it, what’s going on?” He asked, looking between all three of us. I couldn’t say a word through the white hot embarrassment, which left Dean to explain. He turned and looked Sam dead in the eye.

“You know how much I love pie, Sam,” he paused to see if Sam was catching on, which he wasn’t so Dean continued. “All sorts of pie. Like, uh, apple pie, cherry pie… cream pie…” Sam’s eyes shot open as wide as they could and he almost went as red as me.

“Nope!” He declared, promptly spinning on his heel and leaving. Cas looked confused.

“I smell no pie here.”

“Never mind, Cas,” Dean patted him on the shoulder before urging him to catch up with Sam who I’m assuming is in the kitchen by now. When it was just Dean and I left I peered at him through my fingers, my face still burning up.

“Dean what the fuck just happened?!”

He tried to suppress his laughter, explaining that Cas was in fact ‘Castiel’ and an Angel of the Lord, which explained his rigid behaviour and a weirdly strong set of senses.

“Why didn’t you butt in and explain who he was before everything got so embarrassing!”

“To be honest it was all pretty hilarious.”

“No it wasn’t! That was NOT an enjoyable moment!”

“Ok I’m sorry,” Dean paused, looking down at me with softer eyes, a slight smile still on his lips. He stepped closer and I pushed on his chest.

“You better be! You owe me big time for that one Winchester.”

He grinned as the furious redness on my face simmered down, just leaving a pink glow on my cheeks.

“Ok ok! Look let's just go and get some breakfast and put this behind us,” he put his hand on the small of my back, urging me towards the kitchen. I hummed, walking with him. There were a few moments of silence as we made our way down before he suddenly spoke up again.

“Did you know that he once smelt a bladder infection on a dead guy?”

*

Breakfast was uneventful. I was unable to make eye contact with Castiel, and it seemed that Sam was unable to make eye contact with me. Dean however was completely unphased. Once we were all finished and I’d cleared everything away I made my way to my room, grabbed my dirty clothes and then headed to the laundry room - today was going to be a practical one as I officially had nothing else to wear. Upon arriving I couldn’t help but grimace; a mountain of mens clothes covered in mud, blood and black goop sat in the middle of the floor by the washers.

“Gross…” I winced, the smell of dirt and iron filling my nose as I got closer and poked the pile with a pipe I found off to the side. I half expected the mass of clothes to sprout legs and walk off. The boys could probably find lore on the thing with how long its been sitting here. I huffed, scooping my hair into a high ponytail before shoving a bunch of my washing in a machine and turning it on before returning for face the Winchesters laundry. I can’t leave it here, that goes against everything clean and hygienic that I stand for. I could burn it? They would definitely complain about having to replace all the plaid shirts. Should I sort it or just hope for the best? Do I check the pockets? Knowing all the crap they carry around, I should definitely check the pockets before a load of bullets or a hex bag goes through one of the machines. I set to work, sorting out colours, blacks and whites - unable to differentiate between lights and darks at times - and search every pocket as I go. The amount of women’s phone numbers I find on napkins and receipts is ridiculous. I can’t help but feel a little deflated, knowing I’m probably just a name on Deans list. I put them to the side in a pile, keeping them separate from the numbers from Sam’s pockets. I load up another machine and turn it on, picking up the stacks of numbers and leaving the room.

I find the boys sitting in their usual places at the tables, surrounded by piles of books and files. Castiel was nowhere to be seen. I walk up to them and slide the collection of phone numbers over to them.

“I thought you might want to keep these,” I said, not understanding the tone in my own voice. They both took a few seconds to realise what it was that I was handing them and they both responded in an abashed manner, shooting each other a knowing look before staring at the accumulation of digits, not once making eye contact with me. Sam nodded a quick ‘thank you’ before I turned to leave, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him crumple them up and throw them away in a carrier bag on the floor next to him. At the same time, I caught Dean shoving his collection into his jacket pocket, which was hung on the back of his chair. I hastened my actions and turned away quicker, not wanting to have the knowledge that he was keeping them. A pang of something shot through my chest, and I couldn’t tell if it was jealousy, sadness, rage or self pity. Whatever it was, I needed to get the fuck away from Dean.

*

A few hours passed and I was still sorting laundry. My clothes were officially clean and dry and away in my room, however the task at hand was now the clothes belonging to the Winchester boys. I was a few minutes away from the final load of washing being dry, and I’d managed to arrange the clothing into piles of ‘definitely Sam’ and ‘definitely Dean’, with a ‘really not sure’ pile in the middle. The jeans were easy enough to tell apart and due to Deans T-shirt I wore to bed last night, I now knew that he wore a slightly larger shirt size than his younger brother. I guess he had bigger shoulders, despite Sam being taller. My train of thought snapped as I suddenly heard a door slam upstairs and a female voice call out. I recognised the voice immediately. I stopped everything I was doing and headed upstairs, my feet carrying me with purpose as I reached the study room; Sam and Dean also emerging from another corridor.

“Charlie!” Dean beamed at her, going to give her a hug before I caught up to them and shoved him out the way.

“Don’t you EVER abandon me again like that,” I said, embracing her tight. “I’m fucking annoyed at you…. But I’m glad you’re here. These guys are like wild animals.” She patted my hair softly before I stepped back and she had an apologetic look on her face.

“I knooowwww I’m sorry! But you were in such a slump I really had to do something. Plus these guys really needed whipping into shape,” she spoke the second half of her sentence quieter and we both peered at the boys, fully aware that they could hear every word we were saying.

“Anyway!” She exclaimed, moving away and plopping her backpack onto the nearest table, “I think I have a case for you guys…” her voice was excited but the way her expression changed when she looked from the boys to me was slightly concerning. Sam seemed to pick up on this too.

“That’s great, but what’s the catch?” He asked. Charlie bit her lip and looked between the boys and me again.

“It’s in a strip club and we will need (Y/n) as bait.”

“What?!” Both me and Sam spoke up at the same time, and all that Dean could muster was a huge grin.

“I’m gonna need more details than that Charlie,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Right, yes, I probably should have started with the other details. Anyway, I’m pretty sure this club is run by a bunch of vamps, using girls as bait to lure in unsuspecting men to feed on in the private rooms.” The brothers nodded, like they’d seen this sort of thing before. “Anyway,” she continued, “I’ve had a hunch about this place for a while and did some digging, and it turns out that just last night they advertised a new position available and they want someone that looks just like (Y/n). This is a perfect way to take them down from the inside.” Charlie finished speaking and scanned our faces for any sort of response. I shrugged.

“Sure I’m in.”

“No way, we aren’t putting you in the line of fire like that,” Sam turned to me, a look of worry already smothering his features.

“I agree with Sam, this will be more dangerous than the last case. We’ll find another way to take them down,” Dean said, before he added in an almost snide tone “plus I bet you can’t even lap dance. How would you ever fit in?”

I scoffed.

“Fuck you, I can lap dance just fine.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“I don’t need to prove shit to you.”

“Guys,” Sam held his hands up, “not right now.”

I turned back to Charlie.

“Look I’m in, can you make sure that no one else gets hired?” She grins, opening her backpack and pulling out her tablet.

“Absolutely!”

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Up Next:

Chapter 8 part 2

[scoobydoodean]

i think even though cas was in there stealing the journal, i think he was trying to legitimately convince dean to come to his side, because he does it the Very next episode (although he doesnt seem to realize that hes being manipulative about it..im not trying to infantilize him i just remember him being confused/surprised when dean points out that crowley gave him the same line)

like i do think theres a bit of double think in how castiel acts and behaves and he doesnt seem to grasp the emotional consequences of his actions, especially in this season.

like he thinks hes saying "if you trust me (please trust me) i can get crowley to release lisa and ben, because you wont be a threat anymore to his plan"

but dean hears "if you want lisa and ben back, you'll have to fall in line"

thats not to say dean is wrong for hearing it like that, but castiel really seems to be struggling with communication because he did this all for dean (in his mind) and once it's all over everything will be fine, lucifer and michael will stay in their cage, and dean and lisa will be safe at home.

but at this point hes killed too many and hurt too many people to turn back so when dean pleads for him to back down hes hearing dean say "im fine with risking the apocalypse again, and i cant trust you to do a plan that you are certain will work" when dean is just worried about another eve slipping through

its just very delightfully complex (imho) i dont really have a conclusion

Cas definitely wanted Dean on his side. He didn't need to wake Dean up or have a conversation with him to get the journal. He chose to wake him up and have that conversation because he desperately wanted Dean not to think badly of him. It's just hilarious that at the same time, he was also like. There to steal shit. When he saw Dean sleeping on that couch, he just couldn't help himself. He wanted to talk to Dean.

Trying to get Dean on his side was important to Cas because he loves Dean and values their friendship, but it was also important to him because Cas had, to some extent, tied his self-image to everyone else's perception of him over the whole season. He lies to all of his friends—Sam, Dean, Bobby, Balthazar, Rachel. He lies to the Winchesters because he wants a place he can come to where someone still recognizes him as the person he used to be and not the person he is becoming. Crowley puts this best:

CROWLEY: The big lie -- the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cas, the righteous Cas. And long as they still believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I got news for you, kitten. A whore is a whore is a whore.

This is a period where Cas was doubting everything and wrestling with moral quandaries. He sees his own actions as monstrous, but also believes that monstrosity is necessary. He and Dean have a conversation about this very early on in 6.06, after their last interaction in 6.03 had Cas causing a child excruciating pain to gain information.

DEAN What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one. CASTIEL I'm at war. Certain... regrettable things are now required of me.

I've talked about how the title of this episode, "You Can't Handle The Truth", shows Cas's hand in that he doesn't believe anybody else can handle the dirty work. He knows it makes him look bad and that's why he lies about it—to protect his image.

The whole of 6.20, he's struggling, but he's doing it alone. To his friends, he presents his actions with surety—telling Dean insistently that Cas knows what he's doing and that there's nothing broken about his plan, while he says privately praying to his father:

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me. You have to give me…A sign. Give me a sign. Because if you don’t…I’m gonna ju– I’m gonna do whatever I… Whatever I must.

And to himself about working with Crowley:

I asked myself, “what was I doing with this vermin?”

And while betraying Crowley briefly by killing demons Crowley sent after the Winchesters:

For a brief moment…I was me again.

Sam and Dean and Bobby's belief in Cas's goodness (that he was himself) was so important to Cas that he was spying on them all of 6.20 despite his alleged busy schedule just to check in and see what they were thinking about him. And when they did trust him again for that brief moment, he felt relief, but also knew it was all an illusion and felt shame and guilt about it:

Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. But it was just another lie. 

The same discomfort and shame seeps off Cas in 5.17 when Sam and Dean thank him for saving them, while Cas knows Astropos was only after them because of him, and that if they understood the full picture, their feelings about what he'd actually done to "save" them would be very very different. He knows he's receiving praise he doesn't deserve, so the esteem they place on him is hollow.

On the other hand, I do think Cas grasps the emotional consequences of his actions for the most part. That's why he lied the whole season—because he was afraid of the fallout among every single person he knew and even more as the lies stacked and stacked. He knew none of them would agree with what he was doing. But the consequences with Sam and Dean also extend a little deeper than Cas thought they would, and that's what wounds him the absolute most, I think. I don't think Cas expected Sam to question whether Cas intentionally left his soul in The Cage, or for Dean to question whether or not Cas was involved in the plot to kidnap Lisa and Ben in 6.21. He is genuinely and deeply wounded when his care for them is essentially questioned at the very foundation and it leaves him feeling betrayed in his own way.

The thing is, Cas's privately held doubts still do not match the picture he presents to the Winchesters even after he is exposed. Privately, Cas is starting to see the pride and hubris underlying some of his choices:

I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment…

I see now that I was prideful. And in all likelihood, I was a fool.

I see now that was arrogance…Hubris 

Privately, Cas reveals that his motives aren't as pure as he presents them to be:

I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I-I don’t know anymore.

Hiding…Lying…Sweeping away evidence. And my motives used to be so pure.

Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian.

But to the Winchesters? He says "I did it all for you" and "I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you" and "It's not broken". He doesn't let them see his doubts, because he might crumble under them—and because sunk cost fallacy and his own pride won't allow him to accept being questioned even by his closest friends. In other words, he continues to lie, and after the big reveal, Dean can see right through him.

CASTIEL: I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you. DEAN: Because of me. Yeah. You got to be kidding me.

Cas's pride also comes out in this conversation at night in Bobby's house.

DEAN: I'm not gonna logic you, okay? I'm saying don't...Just 'cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family -- that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something...You got to trust me, man. CASTIEL: Or what?

Dean says he isn't going to logic Cas. Bobby and Sam and Dean already tried that earlier that day, Balthazar will also try later, and it doesn't register. Dean puts all of the technical arguments aside and is trying to say (coupled with his earlier assertions) "I know you think you have to do this, but all of us can see you're going off the deep end and even you know that deep down. Please trust us on this." But Cas's response is "Or what?" He turns it into a battle of wills, then adds, "You can't stop me. You're just a man", which is also a dogwhistle for Dean when dealing with angels, who repeatedly over the course of the show, have called him a monkey, a dog, a pet, and other things to express the idea that he is beneath them as a justification for using and hurting him. It immediately turns them against each other because Cas feels like Dean is basically calling him crazy and is offended by the idea that he doesn’t know what he’s doing (even though he has his own private doubts, because at this point his self-image hinges on turning out to be right). Dean is seeing the angelic sense of superiority come out—something he’s far more familiar with than he’d like to be—something common to the angels who have used and manipulated and threatened him and acted entitled to him… and coupled with all the questions about exactly how involved Cas was in using Dean to get alphas over the course of the season and how he knows Cas used him in “The French Mistake”? It doesn’t paint a pretty picture for Dean.

In addition to their profound bond, I think Dean saying, "Cas, we can fix this!" and Dean being Cas's defender the entirety of 6.20 is also why Cas comes to him at the end of the episode. Dean is the weak link in the chain at the time (that completely changes in the next episode when Lisa and Ben are kidnapped). But Dean is also so devastated about all the faith he had in Cas's honesty being crushed, and he's reliving the demon blood arc in some sense, and he's probably reevaluating what he felt when Cas used him in "The French Mistake" and what exactly was going on in "My Heart Will Go On" and how—when Crowley forced him and Sam into doing his bidding, Cas knew it and he let it happen—he let it happen because he wanted the alphas. Not only did Cas know Crowley was using them—he went to great lengths to cover up his involvement and keep them off Crowley's tail. Cas's speech in the following episode demanding Dean's trust again is not only ill-timed while Dean is worried sick about Lisa and Ben—it's full of lies and half truths and even a little shit slinging that Dean knows isn't fair and that is deeply reminiscent of Sam's speech full of falehoods about trust in 4.21.

On Cas's side, I think you're spot on about his lack of cognizance on how he comes across when he says:

CASTIEL: I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me, the one time I ask.

I don't think Cas meant to suggest that the first statement depends on the second one (we can judge as much when he heals Lisa at the end of the episode) but that's absolutely how it comes across.

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Hi Cas, again for the Kisses Writing prompt how about 45. With Frankie Morales ? 🩷👀

Thank you for this ask, and sorry you had to wait a little. The heat ended up taking me down yesterday, but today we're back to normal termperatures, and after some gardening and lunch, I was ready for some Frankie kissing!

Kisses prompt #45: Kisses exchanged as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly tripping over things on the floor before making it to the sofa, or bed.

Frankie Morales x you (f!reader, has tits but no other descriptors)

Established relationship, kissing, there's obviously going to be sex.

455 words

”Fuck!” Frankie stubs his toe, and accidentally bites your lip.

”Ow!”

”Oh god, sorry!”

You giggle breathlessly against Frankie’s cheek before your tongue runs over your lower lip to check for blood, finding none.

”’s okay.”

You don’t give him the chance of apologizing again: your lips are back on his, tongue down his throat as you work on unbuttoning his plaid. Your lower lip feels warm and tender after the bite but Frankie’s greedy kisses are bruising your upper lip just as much. You can tell his toe is smarting because of the sudden limp, but he doesn’t let that slow him down. His plaid is barely off before he pulls your top up, forcing you to let go of him for the second it takes him to pull the top over your head before he yanks you back against him for more searing kisses. You’re moving through the apartment all the time, heading for any place where you can stay somewhat stable as he sinks his dick into you. The sideboard in the entry was no good, and you knocked over a lamp before kicking off your shoes and almost stumbling over them before proceeding into the apartment, kissing, kissing, kissing until you can’t breathe, and kissing some more.

”Fuck, I want you,” Frankie pants, snapping open your bra just as you pop open his belt buckle. ”Madre de dios...”

”I know baby, I know.” You kiss him again, plunge your tongue into his mouth to meet his, wrestling it playfully, desperately, Frankie’s whiskers peeling away at the skin around you mouth.

The couch is within sight, and you push him towards it, throwing yourself on him so hard that he almost loses balance for a second before regaining it. He spins you around, knowing your plan to fuck on the couch, but the next step he takes brings him right across the path of the ottoman, and he stumbles onto the couch, bringing you with him. You hit your shoulder against the armrest and catch Frankie’s elbow in your side.

”Shit!”

You roll over onto your back and draw a deep breath, heart beating fast from the fright. When you sigh it out, you start to laugh.

”Jesus Christ, being horny is fucking dangerous!”

Frankie chuckles next to you. ”With you it is. You okay?”

”I’m good.” You turn your head to look at him. ”You?”

”Hit my knee on the goddamn remote, but other than that, I’m good to go.”

You scramble to straddle him, and he immediately covers your naked tits with his warm hands.

”Kiss me again.”

He wraps his arms around you to bring you in, and his mouth is back on yours, panting and wanting and loving.

[what-if-i-just-did]

Destiel Prompt List 28. Dean gets drunk and confesses his feelings.

Trigger Warnings: being drunk, drinking cause you don't wanna think, mentions of thinking you're a burden, people that always leave

One Drunk Hunter And His Angel

Dean stumbled down the steps of the Bunker and swayed a little. "Ha.." he mumbled, and a chuckle was trying to make it's way up his throat, but he wasn't sure why it was there and it tasted sour, if that makes, sense, so it only half-made it out of his mouth. Right? That makes sense right? He's not sure it should make sense but it makes sense right now.

"Dean? ..Are you alright?" Sam and Cas are walking towards him like he's got blood running down his face. "Yeh 'm fiiiiiine... jus' a li'le bit drunk.. I think. Maybe a lot bit drunk... yea probably that. I think." The gears in his head are connecting with the wrong other gears, so forming sentences is not exactly a mastered skill right now. "Sorry... I.. I should sleep, right? That's what you.." his sentence trails off, because he's lost the capacity to word his thoughts, because his thoughts are muddled all together like one big heep of silvery, foggy thought or something. He thinks there's probably a reference he can make, but he can't find it and it doesn't seem important.

"Dean, why did you go out to drink?" And there's that deep, concerned voice that does things to him, and he smiles into a dopey grin. "Hey Cas, good to see ya too, y'know, could like, greet me properly or whatever... angel." He slurs. His head tips forwards, but Cas catches it, brings Dean to look at him. "You've got a blood alchohol of point thirty-four. Why did you go drink?", Cas says, and Dean's grin drops and he looks down. "Cwause I di'n't wanna... I don' wanna think righ' now, cause every'ing is so.. bad. Everything's bad. With, with Ch-uck, and Amara, and the whole... the Mark thing, and you!" He spits the names out like they're a spinach-brocolli-banana-smoothie, but when he indicates Cas, he just sounds desperate. He makes a movement towards Castiel, like he's accusing him of something.

Cas furrows his brows. "I'm sorry. What did I do, Dean?"

"You-you're never 'ere! You- you're off doing stupid angel buisness and you leave me behind! You- you never, you never stay, you should stay! 'Ut tha's my fault o' course, cuz when you wann'ed to stay, I toldya ta leave, an' now y-you don't think you can stay, so you leave! You always leave!" Dean was trying to move now, unsuccesfully.

That was.. not what Castiel had been expecting. He's not sure what he was expecting- he's done a lot wrong. To be yelled at for letting Lucifer in, or for being a burden, or maybe something further back- for working with Crowley, for setting loose the Leviathans, for leaving in Purgatory, for letting the Angels fall. Not for this. Not for.. leaving. "Dean... none of that is your fault. I'm incredibly grateful you want me to stay, and I will, until you change your mind. Thank you, Dean. I never mean to leave you." He grudgingly thinks that that may be the instant Dean is sober.

Dean's staring at him like he's said something ridiculous. He's about to ask when Dean finally speaks. "I ain' gonna change my mind abou' letting you stay! Cas, this is your home too!- or I, or I wan' it to be.. 'm bad at sayin' stuff like tha'. 'sgood 'm drunk. You don' gotta be so gratefu' about stuff ya should jus' 'ave. 'm jus' kinda stuck-up sumtimes with the whole.. emosh'on thin'. I care abou' yuu, Cashh.. I love ya! I love ya stupid sumtimes. Can't think with it.. but 'll 'e mad tha' I said tha' t'murrow, so 'ma go.. go s'eep, I'thin-k." Dean sloppily kisses Cas's cheek and saunters off. Both Cas and Sam are too stunned to go after him and tell him he went the wrong way.

[foolondahill17]

The third night without sleep, Dean rolls himself a joint from Sam's stash out of pure desperation. He doesn’t exactly want to stink up his room, so he goes outside the Bunker, climbs the steep hill to the base of the abandoned water treatment plant, and takes a seat with his back against the brick wall.

The chill air bites his cheeks as he pulls in a mouthful of smoke, holds for a second, and releases it into the night air. It’s been a while since he’s smoked, maybe since Cassie or Lee, but even then it wasn’t often.

His very brief period of experimentation favored anything with a little more oomf – LSD, STP, PCP; he ran the gamut of most of the alphabet drugs, but that was when he went a little crazy while Sam was in school and Dad was off doing who the hell knows what. He never had much time or need for a downer like indica – and, when he did, whiskey was in high supply.

Dean’s head whips to the side when he hears the crunch of dried grass under foot, but the mussed top of Cas’s head appears over the hill, and Dean relaxes.

“Making sure I don’t run off again?” Dean asks, sticking the joint back between his lips.

“I just thought I’d enjoy the night,” Cas says, a little stilted, like he’s afraid Dean will poke fun at his nightly wandering.

“It ain’t half bad,” Dean agrees. It’s true. The sky is clear and it’s just cold enough to be refreshing rather than frigid. It smells like spring: all damp earth and new growth. “Want some?”

He holds the joint to Cas. Cas squints at it.

“Sam offered before. It didn’t have much effect on me.”

“People never get high the first time,” Dean says. “Come on. Puff, puff, pass, man.”

Cas takes the joint and sinks to the ground in a surprisingly fluid motion for how stiffly he normally carries himself. He crosses his legs on the ground, and Dean’s reminded of that other Cas, from Zachariah’s alternate future.

“Just don’t get into the habit,” Dean says gruffly.

Cas takes his own hit before passing the stick back to Dean.

“Drugs rarely have an effect on me, still,” Cas says. “Even alcohol.”

“You think it’s a good sign?” Dean prompts. “Maybe your grace is healing?”

“I’d like to think so,” Cas sighs. “Truthfully, I feel basically the same.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not even a year. Keep your head up, buddy.”

“What about you?” Cas asks.

“What?” Dean says, knowing exactly what Cas means.

“How are you feeling?” Cas clarifies.

“I’m fine,” Dean says.

“No, you’re not,” Cas says.

Dean can’t face the angel’s eyes. He lets his head fall against the wall behind him, staring at the sky. Lebanon ain’t exactly a metropolis, so there’s not much light pollution to speak of, but out here in the prairie it’s even clearer. The sky is inky black, speckled with stars like a flashlight shining through a metal colander.

“I don’t know, man,” Dean sighs. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Emma said you were with Benny,” Cas says. It’s enough of a non sequitur that Dean lifts his head.

“Um, yeah,” Dean says. “Down in New Orleans. He…let me crash for a few days.”

“You didn’t stay for long?” Cas asks.

“Not really,” Dean hedges. “Before that I was…around.”

"Yes," Cas says. There's a note of anger in his voice. Cas was always pretty good at the whole heavenly wrath thing. “With Crowley, apparently."

"Yeah because you've never palled around with demons before," Dean snaps. And shit. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, his stomach sinks. He didn't want to argue.

"It's unfair of you to throw that in my face when I've - I've tried to atone for working with Crowley many times over," Cas says, voice strangely brittle.

Funny, but Dean hadn't even thought about Cas working with Crowley. He'd been thinking about Cas and Meg searching for the demon tablet in the Middle East.

"Sorry," Dean says. He swallows something barbed and sticky in his throat.

There's a beat of silence, then Cas breathes out hard.

Dean takes another pull from his joint. He hands it back to Cas, nudging his friend’s arm with his knuckles when Cas doesn’t immediately reach for it.

“You could have stayed,” Cas says. He’s staring unblinkingly across the shadowed field. “You didn’t have to go to Crowley. Or Benny.”

“I know,” Dean says. And he does. He does know. He doesn’t have the words to explain the cloying, claustrophobic fear that gripped him the first few weeks after brutalizing Randy and the others. His instability. The certainty with which he knew he’d hurt someone else. The inevitability of it. “I just needed to get away. Benny was – he’s a good friend. He helped me find solid footing again, I guess.”

“Just a friend?” Cas asks. “Or are you…in a relationship with him?”

Cas’s question echoes like a sonar ping through Dean’s ribcage.

“Did Emma tell you? Or Ben?”

“No,” Cas replies. “I think I…guessed in Purgatory. I’m not very good at understanding social interactions, but I could understand there was something between you two. And I knew you slept with men…since I reconstructed your very being, all of your history was revealed to me. Although I’d argue it didn’t gain emotional significance until later.”

“Emotional significance, huh?”

Cas replies with a half-smile. “Navigating the nuance of human emotion hasn’t exactly been easy.”

“Why do you ask?” Dean bluffs. “You jealous?”

It’s the first time they’ve even come close to vocalizing the magnetic, possessive pull toward one another, and Dean’s heartbeat thuds in his throat. No fucking way would he have the balls to confront this if the weed hadn’t made him so loose-tongued.

“I’m not jealous,” Cas says immediately, and Dean’s almost high enough to admit it’s disappointment he feels in the base of his gut. “I was just…curious.”

“We’re not,” Dean says. He sucks in another mouthful of smoke. “What about you and Meg? You guys hook up during your Raiders tour?”

Cas takes the joint. He waits until he’s blowing smoke before he says. “We did…once. I didn’t like it very much.”

“Yeah?” Dean says. He’s already prepared to jump to Cas’s defense if the demon pressured him into something he didn’t want to do.

“I think it’s because I’m gay.”

If Dean had been drinking, he would have done a spit take. “You’re, um. Oh – okay.” He tries to recover himself. “I didn’t think…way back when, Anna said angels didn’t feel things…like that.”

“I think we can both agree I’m far from an angel,” Cas says.

Dean doesn’t exactly know what to say to that. He finishes the joint and stubs out the ember against the brick.

“I should, ah, try to get some sleep,” he says. He’s felt awkward around Cas plenty of times, but never quite like this: there’s a gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach, like he said something wrong or missed his chance. He tells himself he’s being stupid.

“Oh,” Cas says. Is that disappointment in his voice, too? Or something else? “Goodnight, then.”

Dean stands to his feet. He closes his fist at his side before he can do something stupid, like pat Cas on the shoulder or, worse, put his hand in the angel’s hair.

“Night, Cas.”

Read more here

[berf-a-smurf]

I’ve really been trying to avoid posting this but I’m desperately seeking help. I need to make rent, utilities, gas, insurance, and groceries for December.

CA$ 0 / CA$ 1500

(ETA: loan received Nov. 25; no longer desperately seeking financial aid.)

Interested parties, please read below the cut.

[ TLDR:

I’m struggling hard. Please consider browsing my photography for sale (http://mwac.logicality.ca) or sending some spare change my way via the methods listed under “HOW TO HELP” near the end below or on my purchasing page (http://mwac.logicality.ca/purchasing.html). Thank you immensely 🫶

]

My story

[TW: mention of suicide. Sensitive persons, please skip to “[END TW]” below.]

In July, I left my job as a bottled water (of the 5 gallon type) delivery assistant to attempt taking my life. I sweet talked a cab driver to take me and a nitrogen tank into the middle of nowhere.

For vulnerable people: that is not to give you ideas; instead PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reach out to someone (my dad has since surprised me with his support; you never know who is really there for you until you ask) or even message me. Genuinely, sincerely, I will do my best to help everyone who messages me 🫶

My nitrogen tank and I sat in the woods for hours while I contemplated my plan. I felt so alone, like my disappearance would really mean nothing to anyone. My struggles and lack of skills (not to mention relentless imposter syndrome) would never let me keep a job. I was so hopeless. I continued on with my plan. I moved onto cleaning up my pictures. If my body and belongings were found, I wanted my family to have the good pictures to remember me by. No dumb screenshots, no nudes, etc. I didn’t get to the part where “my life flashed before my eyes”, but I stepped through it one picture at a time.

My pictures reminded me that I was capable of travelling and that there was so much beyond Canada that I still wanted to see. My pictures reminded me that I am capable of connecting with people and I shouldn’t leave my sister behind. And that I’ll find another partner to love as deeply as my ex. I remembered things I’ve achieved and that I’m capable of some pretty cool things.

I called 9-1-1 and asked for a police officer to pick me up and bring me to the psych ward. (I deemed them the best option as our paramedics are already stretched thin and our firefighters were busy with the province burning.) They ended up sending 3 squad cars - one with a dog to find me in case I did end up offing myself before they got there. They did the standard handcuffing, questioning, searching my person and belongings, and had me agree for them to seize the nitrogen tank.

[END TW]

They brought me to our hospital for more questioning, blood samples, the works. I stayed the night before being transported to the next town’s hospital’s psych ward. I was there for two nights and the whole thing crippled my belief in our mental health care system. But they got me referred to a psych clinic in my town so there’s that.

Even though my psychologist says it’s too soon for me to be working, I’ve had no choice but to seek employment. The water company was open to hiring me back but I haven’t heard from them since. I’ve also not heard from the places I’ve applied at. I received one of two months of EI that I applied for - I reported a day’s worth of work I did for one of my dad’s customers and they cut me off and I keep getting told that the adjudicator will reach out but it’s been months now.

I am continuing my therapy plan and continuing to apply for positions. It’s getting down to the wire now, though, and I may lose everything if I can’t get through December.

For transparency, my breakdown of expenses are as follows:

$815.00 for rent due Dec. 1st (water, sewer, garbage included)

$107.59 for Telus internet due Dec. 1st

$128.77 for car insurance due Dec. 7th

~$40.00 for electricity (I currently have a $30 credit on my account but am projected to use about $70 worth. My apartment is electric heat so the bill climbs as the temperature drops.)

Groceries are about $40/week

And the remainder is for gas for me to go to my in-person therapy appointments, attend work interviews, and visit my parents who live out of town.

TO HELP:

I am selling my photography for CA$5 per image as wallpaper or CA$30 per image as wallpaper with rights to print and post. More info on my purchasing page.

I also warmly accept donations of any size through PayPal.Me or Interac eTransfer.

Personal PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/joshmdm)

Photography PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/MiedemaWithACamera)

eTransfer to miedemawithacamera@gmail.com (I worry that bad actors would maliciously email my personal inbox or use it distastefully so I’m only providing my MWAC one)

I only ask for money you can spare. If your finances are tight, please like and reblog.

Thank you thank you thank you a million times from the bottom of my heart for reading and a million more in advance for any and every penny I’m offered. 🫶

To avoid doing an FAQ, please ask questions in the replies.

I wish you the best possible day!

[aerospectrum]

“You and Dean both have that nickname thing goin on.. you’ll have to ask Cas which one he likes better; Angel cakes or Feathers.” Sam laughed to himself, but his brows rose slightly and fell at the ends giving him a saddened gaze when she brought up how Dean wasn’t nice anymore. “No offense, Madison…” Sam inhaled and let his shoulder rise again; puffing his chest again. “You kinda sound like you’re already fawning over him..” he saddled her with a knowing look and offered half a sympathetic smile her way. “Hey…” he swallowed slightly and shifted in her bed. “Was Dean.. I mean when you guys were together in the motel room was he… different?” Sam’s eyes crinkled into a slight squint, tilting his head a bit when he asked.

“I mean did he.. seem different than he was here?” Sam was trying dangerously hard to find the missing connection with everything; figuring any links between the motel, the house- even the car could give him an answer on Dean’s sudden and harsh personality change and the sour taste it was leaving everyone. Sam picked some old flick about kids searching for some old pirate ship and treasure.

“So.. if you didn’t stay here, I mean if you did come on the road with us or.. or go by yourself what exactly would you do? I mean; you need connections with this type of life and.. well I mean if you hate my brother then you.. you wouldn’t wanna come along with us, would you?” He asked, testing the waters slightly. “You don’t have to answer now though; you can lay down and get some shut eye if you want; I’ll still be here. Might get up a few times for something to eat or drink- or to check on Cas but I’d come right back… not to mention Dean’s gonna come back and wanna.. talk, maybe.” Sam shrugged against Madison, enjoying how she tucked in next to him.

A few hours passed the movie credits rolled and Sam was passed out next to Madison. Heavy, deep breaths that raised his whole torsos up and down in a smooth rhythm. He’d made a fair bit of headway of his case findings; Dean had been significantly less volatile then when they’d come back to her place; he definitely planned on using what he learned against Dean too. Like how He’d let Madison be the big spoon and hold him, yeah, sam was going to use that against him for something good. But his guess was the angels had tampered with something in her home; something that was easily missed; but could affect them all regardless of his warding sigils and spell work. He was a bit desperate himself to restore his brother’s real nature and possibly revive his reputation just the same. She needed to know the real Dean; not the asshole who barked and bit and snapped at everyone who even so much as blinked wrong.

by the time morning came and the sun was up beaming into his eyes like lasers he heard the front door squeak open, heavy boots shuffling in and the unmistakable sound of Dean trying to be quiet and not wake anyone, including the mass of blankets he assumed was Cas on the couch. Tired legs brought him up the stairs and he dragged his hand over his eyes and down his face before checking each room until he found Sam… and to his unhappy surprise, Madison right beside him. A soft hmpf left his lips at the sight but he wrapped his knuckles on the doorway gently watching Sam rise to life. “Y’find anything helpful?” He asked, not even wanting to risk saying something new to send Madison flying off the handle at him if she woke up and saw him there in her room.

“No….” She sighed. “I am pathetic. I know I am… & I thought I was doing a better job at fixing myself. But I’m not… not if everyone can see it.”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t want me. And honestly… I don’t want someone who sees me as pathetic. I’ve done that before… & I’m not doing it again.”

Madison shrugged, “maybe he’s not perfect, but he knows who he is, a lot better than I do…” the brunette cracked a slight chuckle when Sam brought up the rebound revenge. “Yeah…. I was just mad. It’s gonna sound dumb, but I’ve been so lonely… i just wanted to fall asleep & feel safe. And I feel safe w/ you all in the house, but… it’s not what I imagined being safe would feel like.” She sighed & when Sam easily scooted her up the bed she was actually a little impressed. “But when i cuddled w/ your brother in bed, & I felt warm. For those 20 minutes it was nice to just… feel like everything was okay because there was someone else there w/ me.”

“Ah, I just call him that so he can feel like he has a place & is special. Cas seems sweet, but Dean is so mean… thought maybe a little nickname would make him feel better about himself.” Finally Madison turned to Sam. “Guess that’s stupid huh?”

Madison finally sat upright taking the soda from Sam. “Thank.” She held the can & looked up at him, “maybe he was a nice guy before… but he’s not now. And I don’t want to fawn over another asshole who is going to break my heart again.”

Sam wanting to stick it to Dean made her loosen up a bit. She even scooted a bit closer to lean her head on his shoulder. “I don’t care what we watch… probably won’t pay attention anyway.”

[roadtogracelandx45]

Runaway Bride|3| D. Winchester

@ohnoitsthebat

"I always have a choice." Ellie snapped before she could help herself, "Women have had rights for a long time."

"Sweetheart in this family, you don't. Your uncle and those, those boys."

His eyes narrowed at the girl, he had a chance to look into her before he came down for dinner. She was a good girl, but she spent a lot of time with Jo Harvelle, her cousin, The Winchesters brothers, and one brother's best friend. She had history.

"Have given you too much freedom."

"So going to school and earning my own money is too much freedom?" Ellie asked her twitching fingers to open up the clutch that she had carried with her, she wanted to text Jo and Dean and let them know what was going on.

They both would flip, and Dean would probably board the next flight out of Sioux Falls, even though he hated flying to get her.

"Yes. Here we don't like our women to be so independent."

"Who says I am staying to become one of you?"

There was acid dripping on the last two words. Staying here was going to be the last thing she wanted to do. Especially if she was going to be forced into staying.

"Says your mother and myself. See we made a deal with Mr. Gambino. And she is going to get the money that she is owed from your father's death and you will be marrying our son." 

Feeling sick to her stomach, she turned to her mother, desperately wishing she wasn't here and it wasn't true. She didn't want to believe this was true.

But the look on Angela's face answered her unasked question

. "I should have listened to Aunt Ellen and Jo, they said that you would do something like this to me. You have only cared about yourself." Ellie said before she stormed off into the bathroom angrily muttering curse words to herself as she did. *** Jo looked at her phone that was ringing and grinned at the name that was flashing.

"Hey, Dean! Ellie is calling." She called before she pressed the answer button.

"Hey cuz." she greeted. "You were fucking right. She brought me out here to have me fucking marry into the hierarchy." "Are you serious?" Cas questioned. "Yes. Angela is going to get the money the family has owed her since my dad's death if I marry this guy."

"You can't be forced into that," Sam commented, his brain already working overtime trying to figure out a way to get Ellie out of this. Legal or not.

Things wouldn't be the same, Dean wouldn't be the same. Ellie was the glue that held them together. And without her things would fall apart.

"What's going on?" Dean asked, coming into the room, annoyed that Jo pulled him away from the horror movie marathon that he was watching. "Hi, Dean."

There was a sudden shift in her voice, she sounded angry before but there was a sense of calm about her. She knew that Dean would solve this, he always did.

"Angela is making her marry a guy she has never met to get the money that was owed to her or is hers."

"Ellie, I will be there soon." Dean said, "Go to your hotel and stay there'." "Okay, I am gonna check into a new room."

There was a loud banging noise coming from Ellie's end of the phone call followed by her shouting at a man to get out.

"ELLIE!" They all shouted as the line disconnected., Sam and Cas both pushed themselves away from the walls they had been leaning against and Dean went more toward Jo and the phone.

"Call her again!" Dean demanded before turning to face his brother who was already on his computer looking at the next flight to New York., while Jo called her cousin's phone repeatedly trying to get ahold of her.

"Come on Ellie, answer the goddamn phone.' She muttered terror seizing her. *** "You called them?" Thomas shouted, gripping her forearms in his hands. "Yes." She returned angrily, "They are family and you aren't." The man raised his hand and brought it down hard against her cheek, in a slap that she deserved, Angela had made the mistake of letting her go to South Dakota and living with her dead husband's family.   Ellie clutched her cheek in shock, in her entire life she was never struck by a man. Sure Bobby, Dean, and Sam all had tempers about them but they never hit her, Aunt Ellen or Jo. She had only ever been slapped by her mother and the last time Dean took it upon himself to teach her how to defend herself, something she needed to learn just in case he and Sam were nowhere around to help her.

"Dean, I wish I would have waited for you to come home before I came out here. You couldn't have talked me out of this stupid fucking idea of being a happy family with my mother."

She was shaken out of her thoughts when he shoved her against the bathroom counter, trapping her between his body and the counter. His hand closed around her neck.

"Now you listen here, Eleanor. You are going to do exactly what your mother and I tell you or I am going to send people to bring your family here and kill them in front of you and then kill you. Do you understand?" 

Unable to speak, Ellie nodded her head, she didn't care what they did to her, she had to keep her family safe. Agreeing to this was something stupid like what Dean and Sam would do to keep her, Cas, and Jo out of trouble. But no it was her turn to do something and if it meant having to live without Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Sam, Cas, and Dean who would do it.

No matter how much it hurt.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 219

The Hunter Games

Shhh, yes. I’m pushing the next Doctor Who episode back another day. It’s my nostalgia tour and I can do what I want. That said, I’ve been down a gaylor rabbit hole for the past few days and have a hard time separating myself from the endless dissections of her lyrics and *gestures frantically and widely* the everything going on, so it’s just supernatural today.

“The Hunter Games”

Plot Description: Desperate to find a cure for the Mark of Cain, Castiel comes up with a plan

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: doesn’t seem like anyone’s gonna die, except Crowley in his anxiety dreams

Crowley, if you won’t call Rowena Mommy, I will

She’s awful and I love her. She planted some kind of hex bag to CAUSE that nightmare?

Ah, I see we’re back to Dean’s anxiety dreams turned reality

Omg Claire’s still with them?? Really??? Like, she’s not in this episode (so far) but it sounds like it…or is Cas visiting her wherever she is now?

She’s so funny and unserious, she sent her eight year old son to a workhouse after abandoning him and her defense is that she won’t apologize for being a career woman. Honestly, she’s like if 1959 Maleficent ever tried seeming just a tad softer

Yeah. Castiel, you’re done coming up with plans. If that’s who I think it is (Metatron) under that sack…BABE. PLEASE.

I hate being right all the time

They brought him to their dungeonnnnnn. Feels like this won’t work out the way they plan

I HATE Metatron but his enjoyment piecing together what’s happening to Dean is in itself enjoyable

Omg, Dean’s slow, dramatic walk into the dungeon after Sam tells Metatron that he doesn’t care what happens to him because he killed his brother. HOOOOOOOO BOYYYY

Ok, she’s not in the bunker. Castiel somehow rented some kind of hotel room for her. Poor Claire. She really is down on her luck and heartbroken

I don’t like how they need the First Blade to cure Dean

Rowena and Crowley are so fucking salty to each other. It’s delightful. Now, what are you going to do with a scrap of Crowley’s tie??

I don’t trust THESE TWO CLAIRE’S HANGING OUT WITH NOWWWWW. And it looks like I’m right not to

What IS Rowena’s aim?? Like, obviously something to do with getting rid of her son once and for all but for what purpose?

Castiel…I don’t think “ask Crowley to go get the First Blade” is the kind of plan that should be criticized by the guy whose plan was “get Metatron out of heaven’s prison”

OR THE GUY WHO THINKS “DEAN SHOULD REACH OUT TO CLAIRE” IS REASONABLE. Cas, babes, I love you but like…what?

And yet I can’t stay mad because “I’ll text you her number. I like texting…emoticons…” he’s so precious

DOES ROWENA WANT TO RULE HELL HERSELF?? I’d love that for her

The actress playing Rowena? Good. Rowena as an actress? Completely unconvincing. AND YET CROWLEY SEEMS TO BE FALLING FOR IT. SEEMS because I’m not fully convinced he is

Dean threatening Metatron should not be this hottttt

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? THE FIRST THING HE NAMES IN HIS LIST OF REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF AT METATRON WAS STEALING CAS’S GRACE?!?!?! Sure, it was also the first chronologically, but…..COME ON

Cas just subtly taking care of Sam. Just resting his hand on Sam’s shoulder and telling him it’s late. It’s cute. It’s nice

I hate the setback that getting the First Blade was a waste of time for now.

Does “the river ends at the source” mean that Cain has to do something? Does he have to actually die for Dean to get rid of it? Does he need to kill Cain with the First Blade?

Omg the dude Claire’s hanging out with looks familiar not because I’ve seen him somewhere else…I’ve already seen him ON THIS SHOW, PLAYING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CHARACTER

I hate that that one severely messed up human did not want to talk to the other severely messed up human…imagine

[nityarawal]

3/23/23

Dear Courts-

This is my testimony for myself & Carol Lund with her husband Keith.

I was slumlorded out of Joan Grandizio's home at the "Freedom Farm," at 

59605 Grandon Road in Turweleger community of Anza, CA in January.

I started working with Joan on a referral from our handyman Ryan Wickoff. 

He said she fired him for no good reason. He was going to move in. 

So we hired Eddy Lyons - another kind handyman to investigate the trailer I was buying to tow to her farm in Sep. 

Eddy also still needs to be paid for that service! We both did this in good faith and spent a day in Pine Cove with the owner Oceana Cotton.

Eddy also witnessed this kind of abuse at Barbara Bradford's farm after her maintenance guy raped me! She stole most if my furniture and storage!

I was living at Kosh's airbnb in Pinyon at 69907 Averill Drive, Mountain Center, CA 92561 at the time. 

We found out Kosh's well water was polluted (and spreading giardia!)

I passed a parasite worm there for 1st time in life after 1000's of cleanses because of dozens of foul rentals & dirty hospitals/court violence!

Then I moved next door to Mary Schmitz's animal rescue Farm at:

62950 Pinyon Dr

Mountain Center CA 92561 

Moonrise Ranch ✨🐎🏕😊

To a dirty teepee she said was cleaned and 2 geckos crawled under stomach 1st night!

I cleaned her farm for months 24/7 (and it appeared deeply neglected for months.)

I told Mary we needed someone to tow trailer in October and she said her ex boyfriend Sean was going to steal it for himself! ): 

I asked her to advise him not to since she's a realtor and this was my verbal disclosure of my plan to buy it- because she said we could move it to her farm- and I only needed someone to tow it. 

I said it was mean and she drunkenly laughed it off. 

All her instruments were stolen too! (I have pictures of them so we can return them to rightful owners!)

She must be looting all her clients because she stole 3 guitars and all my roomful of assets since I took this job with Joan in January and won't let me go home! 

They also blocked me from water and home many times while I was at Elliots- locking me out late at night and in bad weather!

Oceana Cotton had promised to sell trailer to me or give it to Stevie and Joleen. 

Stevie now has cancer of dick & needs his home returned! (It was indeed stolen!)

Joan liked my handyman Eddy Lyons but fired him too for being friends with her "hated" tenants Carol & Keith and not obeying her "silencing" orders.

Finally, in January things were unbearable tending to Mary's 6 sick dogs while she battled alcoholism- she'd moved me to one of her 5 boyfriend's fathers home: Dan Elliot senior at:

61283 Chalet DR.

MOUNTAIN CENTER, CA

92561.

She promised he was sober- yet I had to ask him and friends not to do crystal meth in house because I'm really allergic and its illegal- cleaned needles up from whole property! I told him this condemned his house as a realtor, I'm allergic to Nazi drugs and don't want to ever see or smell it in a house! 

He was living in his Inherited Probate getting slumlorded by siblings in court stressed out of his head ill. Feds were terrorizing him too and Kosh on late payments with drone trespassing.

So I cooked, cleaned, provided food- gave him all my money and was his slave for months after being enslaved to Mary at her farm- and now Joan doxed my location to cops on brobes for months at her home & camping in snow.

I stayed one week at Dennis Sketchleys- a handyman that gave me a tick in my bed- when he slumlorded me from 54399 valleyview and tollgate/country club homes and beat me. I promised never to go on his property again but was desperate in snow! 

Then Dennis kicked me out after Mary's client Jessie was murdered at her airbnb tree house listing with Mike in Pine Cove. 

(I really need assets from Divorce Dissolution so I don't have to rent from ex-cons and field their abuse!)

Joan hired me to move to her Landers rescue with Glen; he's her 400 pound laborer that is ill from inhumane conditions- he can no longer walk- and rides machines around property hobbling to tend to animals.

There was no hot water or kitchen.

Joan offered me her "clean" Dome house. I got there after dark and took her word that it'd been cleaned for me. 

The bed was filthy and floors covered in dirt I saw in morning. 

Joan wanted me to take over Glen's job at her Lander's farm.

She said Glen was making: $400/mo at

$15/hour and she covered Phone payments, 2 days off, 25 hours a week for Morning feedings with Blankets on horses,

Checking on all cat & pippy Litters.

Puppies- are in-door & out-door with Double gates. Glen used Tractor to take

Manure to dumpster with Wheelbarrow.

She was marketing Earthen domes on camp websites. She said there was no

Kitchen which doesn't seem legal. 

I could see Glen wouldn't live long when I got there with such I'll health abd depression in substandard room even though he's my age! 

I worked for several days alongside them all training with him and encouraged Joan to keep him too. 

(He doesn't have anywhere to go and depends on his job and is very subservient and hard working despite Joan's demands. He nods as told to colleagues/tenants like obedient slave despite physical handicaps from her grossly neglected abd functionally obsolete animal shelters!)

Glen promised to put in hot water and a shower in a bathroom within a week since there was nowhere to clean up properly and it was very cold and windy. I was freaking out with no shower after 2 days of cleaning pig & horse / puppy/cat shit.

Joan asked me to come back to her Anz farm to work on contracts. 

She said I'd be doing the work exchange like Glen taking over his job. 

Joan gave me very detailed directions to her property. 

She said:

"10:30 a.m.

Come down mtn to Rancho Mirage

74 straight

10 west

Hwy 62

29 palms

Windmills

Yucca valley (call Joanne) 

Old women springs rd -Hwy 247- left (north)

20 miles to

Reche Rd. 

Curves to right - turn right

Pass

Landers post office - GPS

5-10 min away 

Left see Moose Lodge

Next White Building

Says Billfs Hall

Left on Gibraltar (if get to end of Gibralter - Gone too far- see back of property.)

1 block f/ end

About mile

Knox- ni-man - (right)

(Applegate way should say)

Pass abandoned house

Next property 

Will see 1 8th 1

(JOANS)

TELEPHONE POLE

58562

METAL EAGLE DANCER

CHURCH- JESUS SAVES

STORAGE"

So I think it's supposed to be:

58562 Applegate Way? 

Or Knox-ni-man? 

(Note: She failed to mention if it was Gibralter Ave or Dr. And they're side by side. How many have they tricked & trashed cars on tow? 

Please present my full letter!)

But the 2nd day I was there I came home one night from getting groceries and Must've passed Gibralter and took a second Gibralter on Left! 

Joan failed to mention there were two Gintralter roads parallel next to each other in my notes as you can see. 

So I end up at the end of this road with a deserted house in the sand. 

I looped around to see where I went wrong on directions and came back to dead end with abandoned house confused. 

I tried to circle out and got stuck in a sand driveway.

 I called Glen to get me and he said put car in reverse or neutral and slammed my car right into the back side of his truck! 

He promised his friend would fix it next day but failed to follow up. I've written them both many times!

I sent Joan the bill for over $3000 and she's shirking her responsibility to all employees that have worked for her.

She invited me back to Freedom Farm in Anza to shower and use her kitchen. 

She said everything was hers in refrigerator and insisted I help myself. 

She wanted to do the contract with me so I paid $40 to download a work exchange rental but she wouldnt sit down and focus on it for several days. She has added from parasites!

Her agenda was to wrongfully evict her tenants!

I told Joan I don't go to court or talk to police due to PTSD. 

She wanted me to go to the Courthouse with her to smear the tenants and I said I can't go to court. 

I asked her to drop me at a park or mall while I wait for her. 

She refused to drop me off and finally I had to get out at curb of Murietta Courthouse and wait for hours in the landfill across street. 

She had no sympathy for PTSD I have from domestic in-house terrorism of courts! 

Then she grilled me about my divorce and lack of settlements all day.

Since then I found out psychiatrist courts kidnapped me to Dr. Singh Was advertising my head for a Probate murder at Moreno Valley Hospital for Riverside Health. 

We feel Joan took bribes on all employee heads for court and is contentious.

Joan failed to sit and focus on contract all weekend because she was obsessed with wrongfully Evicting her tenants! 

I told her I can't Get involved- as my custody battle is priority of my life- and I don't have energy to deal with inhumane actions to people. 

For an animal rescue- we could all see she was being careless and cruel to all of us employees.

Joan told me her lawyer got ill visiting her and had to have his leg amputated when he was recently there and put me on a couch on the enclosed porch waiting room. She said Glen had slept there before me and didn't want me to open it into a bed. 

We feel Joan was intentionally spreading germ warfare. 

All the employees were traumatized by her lawyers diseased fate serving her and she never cleaned out his room. 

When I went into it I vomited and disease is rampant in her homes.

Joan instructed me to never speak to tenants Carol & Keith. 

She said she'd trained Glen just to nod at them. This is not my way but I was trying to be a loyal servant so followed orders. Carol & Keith were confused by my silence and scared having a stranger on property they weren't introduced to, so it put me in a uncomfortable, and compromised position.

One night I was in kitchen making tea and Joan called on speaker phone. 

Carol & Keith heard and were also in kitchen. 

Joan kept calling Carol "fatty" loudly on my phone and screaming other nasty names goading her on my speaker phone from Landers, meanwhile putting me in harms way with her upset and bullied tenants in THEIR kitchen! 

I also ate some potato salad and salami- because Joan said everything was hers- when in fact it was the tenants! That caused alot if drama! I paid Carol back $5 and decided to testify for her rather than Joan!

On Saturday- which was supposed to be my day off- Joan called and texted over a dozen times from morning to night about her tenant dispute harassing us. 

I told her I needed some rest from her drama. 

She wanted to call cops on tenants. 

I said if she needs to do that let me know- so I could leave.

 I have an extremely clean and prudent history despite many court contentious people like Joan trying to take bribes on head in ponzi scam against moms and lying in smear campaigns.

Joan knew I was just diagnosed with PTSD from officer rapes and foul play in September and I couldn't talk to them. 

She lied and said tenant called cops! 

Officer King came and tried to interrogate me and drag me in. 

I said I was just a guest- sat in my car- and refused his interrogation. 

Joan called and he wanted my phone to talk to her. 

I said "no" so he was pissed he had to use own phone and was rude to me rest of night. 

It was upsetting that Joan dragged me in anyways- and kept saying my name "Nitya" - which is very unusual and private. I texted her to never dox my location to a cop or my name again! 

I asked officer King for his card before he left and he was rude not to give it to me. 

I have sent videos of all the sarcastic, rude and nasty things he said to me to both Carol & Joan. 

It was extremely racist.

I told Joan I would leave if cops Terrorized us again and she led me to believe tenants had called- when it was her! She left a voice-mail confessing and then after lying about it.

Monday she wanted me to go to court with her again; I said "no" so she wanted me back in Landers and arranged for another laborer to come up. 

Monday morning I broke her rules -she said -by asking Carol for cops business card before I left. 

I also found out my x's atty died in a scuba diving accident last summer. 

It seemed preminiscious since I'd written a song about her called Barracuda Mamma. Sharkbait song unfolded that weekend and I was pleased with sequel I'd written and good news for my children's freedom from one atty in their pedophile sting.

I sent my new song to Joan and Carol as I was getting ready to drive to her Landers farm hours away.

Joan texted me to leave. 

It was very cold considering I'd worked 24/7 in slumming conditions for a week! She asked about my records and was looking to see if she could get me in trouble for court. 

I confessed dmv.org consulted with my ex husband and was withholding my registration even though IRS stole thousands of dollars of tax returns from 2016 divorce and also hired gay officer Enoch and Daniel Crabtree to steal my Lexus rental car on rape bribes from attys. I'd been caged by Dr. Singh 18 months of covid in shit filled rooms slumlorded out of over a dozen homes, all my assets stolen, and dmv refused to honor years where I couldn't even use Lexus Lemon while it was being serviced! Santa Monica Lexus dealership tried to steal my car while I was raped at hospitals and dmv.org refused to register it. I paid several hundred and they said that would suffice! 

They got several thousand from IRS yet they still fail to send registration sticker! Joan knew I was working for her to clean up that one thing from previous courts abuse!

I left within an hour when she said "bye," only to be greeted by officers Schmitt coming out of bushes hiding at gate. 

He cordially told me to have a good day.

 A block later Sheriff Curtis was coming down her dirt road and pulled me over. 

He said he was arresting me on registration and Cuffed and beat me into back of his car.

Carol said she was talking to officer Schmitt and he realized I lived and worked for Joan so came out and had Curtis release me. 

Curtis threatened to steal my car if he ever sees me again. 

Sargeant Protero raided my home and stole my phone & dog Blu I share with our handyman Eddy Lyons- in covid of 2020. 

Mountain Liquor say our Nazi Sheriff Brags about violence they've inflicted on me and say they wished they'd stolen my Lexus as well as my rental car when they had me raped with broken ribs in covid for 18 months of shit filled hospitals.

Mary Schmitz stole all my belongings from her boyfriend's dad's house where I was renting. 

We all feel both her and Joan doxed my location to have me murdered.

Joan wrote to say she was surprised I didn't go to jail! 

She asked me to wait all day while she sorted everything out. 

I sat in rain for 8+ hours- then she called to say she didn't want me back and laid her silencing trip on me.

I've been homeless since camping in snow. 

Mary Schmitz refuses to return assets and Joan just sends "cease & desist" messages to any reasonable communication.

We feel these animal rescues are a farce and they're actually abusing humans and animals.

I've seen 7 Dr's since with over 20 variants of parasites and bugs. 

Carol says Joan had covid and was taking parasite medication- but she failed to disclose Germ warfare! 

I need reimbursement on car damages, gas, health repercussions and a home for that week of hard work we all did. 

I need $50k in damages to cover unemployment for next year and would like to have my home back with tenants. 

We will bug bomb and disinfect it. Otherwise both her properties should be closed down and are condemned. 

We feel Joan has abused over 6 employees just since September spreading parasitic disease, gaslighting & abusive tactics; and she's not in her right mind to practice business. 

She never had a reasonable reason to fire all of us and it appears she's working for courts full time as a nazi soldier weaponizing motherhood. 

We feel 50k is a fair sum if she settles today so that we can heal at home in peace for remainder of year with kids & new puppies. 

Thankyou!

Blessings,

Nitya Rawal

Encinitasbeachhome.com

National Association of REALTORS 

Journalist @nityalakshmi108 - all docs and Grievances posted since September.

PS

More notes from Joan on Landers Job:

Ac

Porta potty

Joan Grandizio

Facebook 

3 or 4 hours a day

Dome house: 

Bigger Fridge

Table

Toaster oven ( which I bought at Anza Hardware & just returned- because I've been terrified Curtis & Nazi cops would steal my car & kill me with their hospital & court contentious bribed colleagues of atty Sharkbait circle!)

No water

Park in front of Dome

Walk

5 acres

2nd half sold

"Guanacasa" - Costarica

Transfer benefits to Costa

Start business 2-3 years

Buy a property that has a business

150k Ranchette 

Left on Gibraltar (if get to end of Gibralter - Gone too far- see back of property.)

[buckyalpine]

Tw

Hi sweet dolcezza (that is Italian and means sweetness so sweet sweetness :) )

Hope you are doing well, I want to thank you again for your beautiful blog and wonderful works.

I am reading the last things you posted, beautiful as always!

Since I live for the drama, the sadness, the darkness...

I was thinking about how a broken boy with traumas, Bucky 🫢, would react about his girlfriend having mental health problem.

Maybe she has been developing them...

She wasn't always like that, she lost her sparkle and he doesn't know her like this, he sees another person, another woman, another human.

He can't understand and is confused, maybe mad.

On one side I think about him being supportive, on the other I think about him being disrespectful and invalidating, like he had lived major traumas but, he says "he is not complaining so much about it or playing the victim" like her.

-I had this hint because my mental health is not good, I have severe OCD, since I was a kid basically I remember being this way since the age of five four. I am struggling with ed and borderline personality disorder.

And I had partners that, even if they lived traumas, still invalidated mine a lot and called me names, so the were basically toxic.-

And i can't picture where Bucky could fall. Toxic? Supportive?

I love him, but sometimes he acts shady and not always I can read him.

I see him dark most of the time.

But they can always repair the relationship and be together or not?

(I am problematic with toxic guys ahahahaha)

Sorry for this and my life story, noone asked about buy still. I just think you are the best person to write something as deep.

I really hope you are doing good and enjoying your day so far.

A lot of kisses and hugs and support.

🌺

18+

Babes we are one in the same with toxic men. I like to think there's the version of Bucky who has so much love and empathy for others going through mental health struggles and then there’s the Bucky who loves you but doesn’t know how to process things and acts impulsively. Here, we look at the second. 

Warnings: Angst, Mental health issues, some toxic behavior, (happy ending, they learn to fix things)

Disclaimer: Some of the stuff in this fic are things I/others have gone though so please refrain from comments about why the reader stayed or what the reader should have done or how the story should have gone. Sometimes I get super sucked into the angsty parts and struggle to undo the damage so don’t read too much into it. 

I imagine it starts off bad because Bucky's still learning to deal with his own mental health and there are times where he can be selfish without meaning to. He's so used to having you comfort and take care of him, he doesn't know what to do when you start to change. He’s been through so much, he can’t imagine someone else feeling his level of anguish.

You’re no longer the same person he fell in love with. Your sparkle is gone. A grey dullness encasing you. He doesn’t know when things changed or why but he just wants you back; the distance between you both gets worse with each passing day. You try your best to still be there for him because you know he needs it; you love him with all your heart even when your own feels heavy. 

"Baby, are you okay?" 

"I’m fine"

Bucky practically scoffs when you ask him how he’s doing because you should know he’s never fine. He’s never okay. He doesn't know why you bother asking him when its the same shit he deals with on a daily basis. 

You can't bring yourself to tell him how you're feeling because you know he doesn't have the capacity to help you when he's struggling himself. He shrugs, not knowing what else to say, letting you wallow in your misery, taking his frustrations out during his workouts instead. Things continue to worsen; you fall deeper in your spiral while Bucky continues to shut you not, realizing it’s you who needs him. 

“Can we talk?”

You’re desperate at this point, hoping maybe he’ll at least listen but he shakes his head instead. Bucky can’t stop the bitterness that starts to rise in his chest; he missed his ma, his sisters. His missed living in a world where he understood the things around him, where he didn’t have to feel like a lost toddler every time he stepped outside. His feelings have nothing to do with you, he really does love you but all the bitterness spills onto the one person who is always there for him. 

“What’s the point y/n” 

“I-I just feel...” You shrug, not knowing how to tell Bucky of all people that you felt empty. 

“What do you feel. I don’t know what you even complain for” 

“I feel like I have no one Bucky” You felt your stomach drop when his eyes bore into you, as if he's challenging your feelings. 

“You still have your cousins, other family, friends. You complain so much but you’re so spoiled. I’m going through shit too, but you don’t see me acting like a victim”

You swallow the anger that tries to rise, trying to understand his point of view. It all comes to a boiling point because you're trying your hardest to hold it together while he doesn’t see your spiral break down.  You felt your heart splinter; after every time you had held him, loved him, cared for him, he looked at you with emptiness. 

“Bucky, I know you’re going through things-

“Things? You think I can just turn this fucking shit off y/n? I’m not fucking normal, and you’ll never fucking get it. Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you, I’ll stay at Steve’s tonight”

He makes his way to the door and you know you can’t be alone tonight, there’s too much going on inside.

“Please don’t” your voice is a plea, your practically begging at this point. You can feel your throat tighten because you feel selfish for struggling when he’s been through so much worse.

“Bucky please stay” you trail behind him, your knees shaking. You try to tug at his wrist but he doesn’t let you. When you finally try to cling onto his arm, his composure breaks. 

“GET OFF ME” he pulls out of your grasp, sending you stumbling back. He’s usually mindful of his strength but he doesn’t think and you lose your balance, ending up on the floor. He freezes in utter disbelief with himself, he’d never in a million years even try to hurt you. 

“Fuck, baby I’m so so-”

“Don’t”

Your eyes are now stone cold, your voice was low. He tries to help you up but you scramble away from him, adding distance between you both.  He takes a step forward again but something isn’t right, he finally sees how broken you look. 

“Y/n….”

“GET OUT”

Your voice tore through the walls and his eyes are wide with fear because he's never seen you so broken. He’s never heard you raise your voice like this; you’d always spoken to him softly. He’s scared because he didn’t mean to push you to your breaking point and he doesn’t know how to take it back. 

"I-"

“GET THE FUCK OUT” 

You pick yourself off the floor, your heart beating through your chest. You practically see red, after everything you had done for him, he called you selfish; you sat through every one of his panic attacks, his depressed days, his nightmares. He couldn't listen to you for one night. 

"You fucking piece of shit"

You angrily tried to wipe your face, moving away from him to pack a bag, not wanting to be near him for a minute longer. You go straight to your room while he runs after you, panic rising, he wants to cry but he can’t, not right now. 

“Doll I’m sorry-

“I don’t care” You rummage through some of your belongings, feeling yourself go numb. You felt like your mind didn’t even belong to you anymore, your body moving in autopilot. Bucky hates the vacant look on your face, he wants to hold you and tell you he’s sorry. He tries to wrap his arms around you, not knowing what else to do but you shove him away, shaking your head.

“Don’t-don’t touch me, don’t ever fucking touch me again”

He watches helplessly when you rip yourself away, shoving a few things into your duffle bag, not meeting his eyes. 

"I-I don't fucking love you, I-I'm d-d-one with you"

“Baby please don’t go” 

“Oh, so when you beg, I have to stay?” You scoff, letting out a humorless laugh “Fuck off”

He’s terrified now because while your movements are robotic, your body is shaking and you don’t even seem to notice. Bucky hates seeing you trembling; you’re about to leave the room and walk out but he stops you. 

“Bucky, move” You suck in a breath, your nails digging into your hands, but he stays rooted in place. 

“No bubba”

“Don’t call me that” Your voice trembles, another surge of anger flowing through you when he tries to reach out for you. “I SAID DON’T TOCUH ME”

He pulls you to his chest and you try to rip yourself free but he doesn’t let you go. 

“LET GO”

Bucky shakes his head, hugging you tighter, his tears dampening your hair. The screams and wails ripping from your chest burn his insides, you desperately try to escape but he cradles you closer. 

“M’sorry”

“L-let me g-o”

“M’sorry baby, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” He doesn’t care that your hitting his chest, he doesn’t care that your hands keep striking him. He can feel your body give way, your breaths uneven, months of pain spilling out all at once. He hugs you tighter like he should have done ages ago, realizing you needed him more than ever. Your body continues to fight but your angry screams turn into pained sobs. 

“I’m so sorry my babygirl” 

He carefully carries you to the bed where he can hold you in his lap. He tries to think of what you do for him, warming your body, rubbing his hands along your back and arms. He feels awful because you always take such good care of him and he was grasping at straws trying to do the same for you. You deserved so much more. 

“Shhhh” His lips brush against your forehead, one hand gently rubbing your chest while the other continues to soothe your back so he can regulate your breathing. “Slowly baby, breathe with me, okay?” 

You say nothing, but you try to follow his breaths, letting him take care of you. He continues to tell you how much he loves and cares for you, how sorry is he for hurting you. Exhaustion takes over and you allow yourself to fall asleep with him. A part of you is still angry but your too weak to move and you need to be held.  

You wake up in the middle of the night feeling his chest tremble against you. His soft sniffles are muffled as he tries to keep his cries down while cuddling you close. 

“Bucky?” You lift your head to see his broken expression. 

“I’m s-sorry” He chokes out, breaking down. He feels selfish again because he should be the one comforting you but he was angry with himself. “I-I can’t believe I hurt you angel” 

You move up so you can wipe some of his tears, his face puffy having cried for hours through the night. 

“I just needed you” You gently your fingers through his hair trying to calm him down. 

“I-I said shit I never should have said baby, I’m sorry. M’sorry sweet girl” 

“Why did you say those things” you whisper, your voice still hoarse.

“I’m so sorry angel, I- there’s not excuse, I’m sorry I was so selfish doll”

You nod, still feeling drained though a part of you feels better. You hadn’t fully forgiven him yet but you knew he meant every word plus there was no one else in the world you loved as much as him. He thinks about the way he mistreated you, realizing he really didn’t deserve your forgiveness at all. Your words replay in his head and his breaths become shallow. 

“Do-do you not love me anymore?” His voice is a broken whisper. You knew you didn’t mean it. The thought nearly kills him. He would have gone through hydra again over ever losing your love. Your thumb brushes over his lips silencing him. 

“Please don’t say you don’t love me”  He nuzzles himself further into your side, hugging you tightly, his voice a whimper. “Please, I’m sorry” 

“I was just angry Bucky. I love you” He calms down slightly but hes still on edge with himself. He wants to do better. He wants to take care of you. You had been there through everything for him and you deserved the same love a thousand times over. 

“I promise I’ll try harder angel” 

He stays true to his word. 

It doesn’t resolve overnight.

But he learns. And so do you.

He’s patient with you. He gives you endless love. He has his own hard days, and so do you but your by each others side through it all. He sees your sparkle return brighter than ever, 

Because he really does love you. 

Tags:

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[mothra-mcyt]

☾ MCYT's reaction to a gen z reader ☽

!Warnings: mentions of self deprecating jokes!

》 Dream 《

That guy loves your chaotic energy and always pranks other people with you

Would definitely laugh along with your depressing jokes but after a while would get concerned and ask if you're okay

Immediately puts you into the Dream SMP thinking you're gonna be a good character always on his side

Then you end up just end up annoying him (especially when he's in prison) so he threatens you

You can't keep yourself together and just end up having a laugh flash

You once definitely called him a chad for watching football and a boomer which lead to him getting very defensive

》 George 《

Would honestly just end up annoying and pranking Dream with you

You would definitely call him a bottom on multiple occasions. At one point he just accepts it

Gets very concerned at your jokes

You guys definitely make weird tiktoks together

Will just go along with it when you start ranting about how capitalism is the source of all evil

He will also be a victim of your pranks and he can't do anything about it

》 Sapnap 《

Would definitely make jokes about committing arson with you (sometimes he doesn't know if you're joking or being serious about committing arson)

You two are dnf biggest shippers and no i don't take any criticism

When he finds out how touch starved you are he will definitely ask if you two ca platonically cuddle together

You would also be his biggest enemy though always saying how you're going to fight him when you meet him

Will ask you if you have eaten and how much to make sure you eat enough

Definitely anime marathons on discord together when you both can't sleep

》 Badboyhalo 《

This man would be so concerned

Even if you don't swear he still wants to say language at all the self deprecating things you say

You tell him that you don't care that he has a gun and knows how to throw knifes to which he asks why because people should definitely be afraid of that in his opinion

When you tell him that you don't care if you die he gets so much more concerned

Would be the parent who always stops you from doing stupid and dangerous shit 24/7

You definitely called him a boomer once when he said "Language"

》 Awesamdude 《

That man is taking care of you and making sure you’re okay 24/7

After you told him that you haven’t slept in 2 days with you’re reasoning being “Why not” he always makes sure that you get at least 8 hours of sleep per day

Honestly just dad energy

We know that literally half of gen z have daddy issues and when he finds out you didn’t have a good father figure growing up he’s like “I’m your dad now.”

“Have you drank water today?” “Does energy drink/iced coffee count as-” “No they don’t count as water. Go get a glass of water right now.”

At first he wanted to stop you from saying self deprecating jokes but after a while he just gave up. 

》 Tommyinnit 《 (platonic)

Chaotic energy²

When the two of you have a plan no one will be able to stop you even harder if Tubbo is with you guys

Honestly just laughs about your self deprecating jokes and says “same”

The two of you have never respected authorities in your entire life and you two will not start

As soon as someone talks shit about the other person hell breaks loose and their ego will get completely destroyed

When role playing on the Dream SMP you guys will definitely just laugh at Dream trying to be threatening  

》 Tubbo 《 (platonic)

Depressing jokes. 24/7.You know it’s true. (The people around you will be so concerned for the two of you oh god)

We know very well that Tubbo is not innocent and flirts (makes sex jokes) as a joke with other people his age so he would definitely do that with you if you’re comfortable

The two of you will definitely stay up til the middle of the night playing games (chess, csgo, minecraft etc.)

Whenever someone (probably an authority) is trying to get you guys to do something both of you are just like: No <3

》 Fundy 《

Honestly he completely relates to you

The being touch starved, the loneliness

Difference is he is not used to people joking about those topics to cope

So he's very concerned

"Y/N this is really relatable but are you okay?"

Streams with you two sometimes just end as therapy sessions and both of you desperately need it

He always drags you along to prank people and when the person gets mad he blames it on you and just leaves

》 Wilbur 《

Big brother energy

You are now his little sibling and you cannot stop him

Will definitely cause much chaos with you (poor Philza trying to keep you two under control)

When you two do dangerous stuff he's the one making sure you don't hurt yourself

Whenever someone is mean to you he will definitely destroy them

Will make sure you get enough sleep and will keep you company when you can't sleep

He absolutely loves that you don't give a shit if someone is an authority or not

》 Schlatt 《

He absolutely hates how you not give a shit about what he says to you and how you just roast him

His humor is already broken so he's probably laugh at your jokes and while trying to stop himself from laughing he'll ask if you're okay

Honestly he's just confused on how you're still alive with not taking care of yourself and always getting yourself into dangerous situations

You definitely called him a boomer once

You guys would probably make political jokes constantly

》 Technoblade 《

Anarchy. Lots of it.

Both of you have just random conversation where you start talking about the things you're obsessed with

Both of you are probably gonna have a short attention spam leading to a lot of funny situations

Absolutely loves how you don't give a shit about authorities

Being awkward together in social situations but standing up for eachother

I can just imagine you with the "He asked for no pickles" meme while he doesn't know what to say

》 Philza 《

He is your dad now and he doesn't care if you want him to be.

(He honestly already kinda expected your father figure to be shitty because he knows his audience)

Oh lord when he finds out how you're not able to take care of yourself

When meeting you irl will actually sit down with you and have a talk about you not taking care of yourself

You: "Sometimes i'll just sleep for 14 hours and then i won't sleep for 3 days."

Phil: "...I will punt you into the sun when i meet you irl you idiot."

I could honestly write so much more about Philza basically adopting a young reader

》 Ranboo 《 (platonic)

Constant sassyness

Gen Z x 2

You two would understand eachother so well

Constant zoomer slang and no one except Tubbo and Tommy will be able to understand it

Both of your humor is just so broken and it's so concerning to everyone

Someone is being like "You will do as i say" and you two are just like "No i don't think i will"

Tiktok references. Constantly.

Sending eachother tiktok's about the other's character

》 Eret 《

You two would be good friends honestly

Eret would probably bring out the wholesome part of your personality

Also sending eachother tiktok's and making tiktok references

Arson. Lots of arson. Fire pog.

You will bring out their chaotic side

She loves how you just not give a shit about authorities

Will also make sure that you drink enough water and take care of yourself

》 Quackity 《

He's more random chaos and you're more dangerous and destructive chaos and somehow that works together really well

Definitely invites you to Jack Box streams because you just bring such funny energy into it and chat absolutely loves you

Is very concerned tho when you make self deprecating jokes and when he hears you say one he just looks completely shocked

Completely freaks out whenever you roast someone who's being a bitch (you can just hear the "Where are the askers" playing in the background)

Very dramatic energy from the both of you

Masterlist

[doctorprofessorsong]

Destiel Fic Recs!

Congratulations or sorry, but here are some more Destiel fic recs to take over your life.

Penny & Pound by thalius @seasontwelvedean (Explicit, 67k WIP)

OK, I know some of you don't read works in progress, but this one is worth breaking that rule for, because it caused me approximately 25 internal breakdowns. Go read it yesterday. 

Dean's in love with Cas. That's a given. And lately he's been thinking about doing something about it. Especially now that Eileen is becoming a fixture in their lives and Dean finds himself more achingly alone with Cas right beside him. All he has to do is work up the nerve to ask his best friend out. What's the worst that could happen? He says no? Leaves and never returns? They start dating and Cas realizes Dean is the worst and they break up and everything is terrible forever? He's fine. This is fine.

This canon/canon adjacent fic is a master class in the disaster4disaater, Dean and Cas are the last to know it's requited dynamic. It's amazing and sweet and I found myself unable to sleep until I read one more chapter. If that's not enough, there's also some incredible stuff about Dean and Mary trying to work on their relationship and Cas trying to figure out where he fits into Claire's life. This fic is everything.

Strandlines by aeli_kindara (Explicit, 40k) @gravelghosts

Speaking of fics that make me feral, Strandlines is one of those stories where you have to stop reading and think "holy shit this is so incredible" and then stare at the wall for a good 10 minutes.

Cas finds himself back in the year 2003 with his memory scrambled. All he knows for certain is that he has one directive: save Dean Winchester. It's Stanford Era Dean with all of his brash, charming bravado and his aching loneliness. And Cas at his BAMF angeliest but free from the interference of Heaven.

The fic will make you ache. It's gorgeous. It absolutely dismantled me. The way Cas sees the man who wants so desperately to know he can be loved. The way Dean wants Cas to stay and how he wants to share everything with him. It's breathtaking.

 Plus there is a healthy dose of Fuck John Winchester as a treat. 

the home we make together by vaudelin (Explicit, 48k) @vaudelin

A post-canon fix-it that is so soft and sweet. After losing Cas, Dean has exhausted almost all his options to try and bring him home. One more shot. And if it doesn't work, he'll have to stop. He needs to focus on Jack, now a toddler. Dean has built a life for them. A good one. But he has to try it one more time.

What follows is a sweet, consensual possession domestic Dad!Dean and Dadstiel fic that will heal your soul. Toddler Jack is adorable and Dean and Cas finally have time without the world ending to try and figure out what they want their life to look like. It's the soft epilogue they deserve.

Falling Inn Love by MalMuses (Explicit, 58k) @malmuses

Sometimes you need some hilarious, tropey rom-com goodness in your life, and this fic goes above and beyond. It had me laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face as I tried not to wake my family (because I wouldn't put it down and go to bed). It also has a lot of heart. 

Cas' comfortable if unsatisfying life gets turned upside down when he breaks up with his suffocatingly controlling boyfriend and then finds that the company he's devoted years to has gone belly up the next day . 

Single and with no real plan, Cas is wallowing with his bestie (Meg, my beloved) when he gets an unexpected opportunity. His co-worker is willing to sell him a quaint little Inn in Kansas at a bargain price. Cas can finally pursue a dream he's had since college. 

So off Cas goes, sight unseen, to start a new life. But he manages to make a complete fool of himself in front of the town's most eligible bachelor within minutes of arriving and the dream home he purchased turns out to be a bit of a nightmare. Cas may be a bit Inn (sorry, but you know I'm not) over his head.

More below the cut

The Closest Thing We Have To Magic by EllenOfOz and TrenchcoatBaby (Explicit, 221k) @ellen-of-oz

As I have said, I'm very picky about AU fics because I need Dean and Cas to feel like them. This one manages to hit all the Destiel feels for me and it is so so good.

Set in a world where magic exists but is regulated by elite learning institutions, Dean is a graduate student working on his thesis. This is made more difficult when he's assigned Dr. Novak, a drop dead gorgeous new professor as his advisor. An advisor he can’t stop thinking about. 

Dean and Cas are absolutely messy disasters in the best way in this fic. Seriously, they are amazing. I'm a sucker for smart, competent Dean. And Cas is trying so hard to do the right thing. 

But I can't rec this without also mentioning the absolutely stellar world building. The authors have created such great mythology. From the way magic works to the use of the profound bond to the societal inequities created by the regulation of magic. Seriously, you won't want it to end.

The Angels of Freetown by Friend of Carlotta (Explicit, 50k) @friendofcarlotta

A Briidgewater style AU with Professor Cas and small town police officer Dean as a married couple trying to navigate small town life. When a fog settles over the town and people begin disappearing, they have to work together to try and solve the mystery before there are catastrophic consequences. You don’t have to have listened to Bridgewater to enjoy this (though listeners will appreciate some of the little nods). This story has great horror elements and I won't spoil the monster, but you will probably understand why I was screaming at the reveal.

This one is a great read. I particularly loved the casting of the side characters (Ambriel, my beloved). This one builds the suspense so well. It's definitely creepy in all the right ways. 

Under the Nothing Sky by MalMuses @malmuses (Explicit, 78k)

This one's a bit dark, so mind the tags. I'm a sci fi fan at heart and I love a good dystopia. The world MalMuses has built here is so great and I could get lost in it. 

Cas is a well-respected, honorable citizen of Glass City. Does he sometimes had doubts about his arranged marriage with Hannah? Of course, but then again love in a marriage is pretty rare.  He’s confident that they can at least be friends. Besides, he's on the cusp of everything he's been working for his entire life. Command of his own ship.

 But a happenstance meeting with a green-eyed stranger throws his world into disarray. He thought the unassigned (people living outside of the constraints of society) were a myth. But suddenly Cas finds himself confronted by a new world that calls into question everything he knows about his own.

MalMuses has created an entire world with its own mythology and I am HERE for it. There’s a great, suffocating, panopticon style society that will make you itch. There are objectively horrible values that will make you want to rebel. It's fantastic. But the heart of the story is a cocky, flirty Dean and a buttoned up and somewhat wide-eyed Cas. They're impossible not to love. And the side characters. The amount of time I spent yelling about Charlie and Gabriel and Eileen. It's fantastic.

In case you missed it, prior fic lists

___tag list___

@varlysca @naturallyathief @greatbigbugger @fandoms-and-things @you-cant-spell-subtext-without

Let me know if you want to be added or removed.

[pellucid-constellations]

Hiiii!

I read your fic "Voicemails to an Unmanned Inbox" and I wanted to ask you if you could write an alternate ending where it doesn't end happily? Like something happens to the reader? Thank u;)💖

Voicemails to an Unmanned Inbox (alternative ending) 

Summary: This is an alternate ending to this fic, beginning at the voicemails Bucky leaves the reader after a fight. This can be read on its own. 

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: Heavy angst, death

a/n: Dang when you want angst, you want ANGST. This was painful to write, not gonna lie. 

Masterlist

He gave it about 5 minutes of staring blankly at his phone before he called again. And again. And again. Each voicemail he left was more desperate than the last, fear building in his chest with each one. 

“I know callin’ you again probably won’t do anything, but it's worth a shot, right? If you answer, I promise I won’t say anything. You can scream at me for however long you want and I’ll sit here and take it. Come on, sweetheart, you gonna pass up on a deal like that?” 

“Just give me anything to let me know you’re safe. Send me a text? Or whatever those things are called. I know I said not to text because I don’t understand it, but I’ll take anything you’ll give me. Please, baby, you got me beggin’ over here.” 

“Stevie said I should give you some space, and I’m more than willing. Just—I just need to know you’re safe. You can stay as far away from me as you want, sweetheart, but please at least call Nat. Tell her you’re okay. She hates me, so you can guarantee she won’t tell me where you are.”

“Shit, it’s raining. Call me back.” 

“Is this you leaving me? Please, don’t do this. I love you. I’d do anything to take back what I said, just please don’t do this.” 

Eventually, the phone stopped ringing, each call from Bucky immediately met by the answering machine. He found himself missing the shrill, monotone beeps; they meant there was a chance you would pick up. 

“Did your phone just die? God, I hope not. I got Tony tryna track your phone, but no luck. You pull the tracker out or somethin’?” 

“You’re tearin’ my heart out, sweetheart, I’m freaking out without you here. I know I messed up, but I need you. I need you to tell me when I’m wrong and when I’m bein’ stupid like how I was today. I need you to hold my hand and force me to take those meditation classes for my heart health or whatever you said it was for. I need—” he took a breath, tears falling down his face for the first time that night. “I need you here, loving me. Because that’s the only time I feel like Bucky. The only time I feel like me. Please, baby, let me—” 

“The mailbox is full and cannot accept any messages at this time, goodbye.” The call ended abruptly. Bucky called back, one last time, but was met with the same message. 

He stared down at his phone and contemplated chucking it at the wall. Was this really it? Had he screwed up so badly that you didn’t want him anymore? Or worse, were you hurt somewhere? Unable to pick up the phone because Bucky had forced you out of the safety of your bedroom. 

Bucky was pulled from his thoughts by a vibration in his hands. Looking down, he almost didn’t believe his phone is ringing, somehow drawn to the conclusion that the stupid thing didn’t work at this point. But the screen clearly read some number he’s never seen before, and the vibrations were strong in his hand. Expecting the worst, he lifted it to his ear.

“Hello?” His voice was hoarse from overuse. 

“Hello, is this James Barnes?” 

“Who’s askin’?'' Bucky responded, already irritated that it wasn’t you on the other end of the call. 

“My name is Doctor Stevenson. I’m calling from the Albany Medical Center Hospital.” It was as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room as Bucky waited for the man to continue. “I’m calling about Ms. Y/l/n?” Bucky stopped breathing. 

“Is she okay?” He was frantic now, running around the room to find his shoes. He didn’t waste time putting them on, opting to carry them as he ran down the hall. 

“Can you confirm that I am speaking to Mr. Barnes? This is sensitive information that I should only be sharing with an emergency contact,” the man probed. 

“Yes! Yes, this is Bucky! I mean this is Mr. Barnes. My birthday is March 10th, 1917.” Bucky was getting angry; his bare feet slammed into the ground of the compound as he rushed to get to you. 

“1917? Let me double check my records one more—” 

“I swear to god if you don’t tell me if my girl’s okay, you’re gonna wish you never told me what hospital you’re at,” Bucky seethed. The doctor stuttered over the phone. 

“I—well I’m afraid I have some bad news.” Bucky stopped then, leaving a dent in the wall by the elevator as his left arm made brutal contact, his momentum impossible to control. 

“What?” He sounded destroyed. 

“Do you need a moment, Mr. Barnes? It may be beneficial to sit down or—” 

“Just tell me. Tell me my girl’s okay,” he begged. There was a long pause on the other end. 

“I’m sorry to inform you that Ms. Y/l/n was in an accident. She was brought to our hospital, but she passed moments after arriving. I am so, terribly sorry Mr. Barnes.” The sound of Bucky’s shoes hitting the ground was lost to his ears, his heartbeat so incredibly loud in his head. 

It was as if his world was tilted. As if the axis that kept him spinning in place was just shot out from under him. You were his axis, and now you were gone, leaving him to spin out relentlessly into a cruel, unkind reality.  

“No,” he choked out, utter disbelief replacing any irritation at the doctor's previous hesitance. “You’re lying—youre—you’ve got the wrong girl, right? Not my y/n. She—she loves me. She chose me.”

His lips were dry and his throat hurt. He felt like he’d been screaming down a void. The pressure that had been building up in his chest the moment you left the room was mercilessly crushing him now. He reached out to pull at his shirt, desperate to relieve the ache. 

“I am very sorry for your loss, Mr. Barnes. Her identity was confirmed by the police upon her admittance. Would you like to come and say goodbye? We can keep her here on the unit if you’d like? Anything to make this easier on you.” Bucky couldn’t take the remorse in the doctor’s tone. 

“No. No, you’re wrong. Because if she’s gone then I can’t tell her—I have to tell her,” he slid down the broken wall, the front of his shirt ripping from how hard he was pulling at his chest. “I need to tell her I love her. I didn’t get to tell her.” 

Bucky didn’t get to hear the doctor’s response, the phone slipping from his hand with a violent sob. His metal fingers left indents in the hardwood floor as he pressed against it, heavy tears streaming down his upturned face. 

He wasn’t sure if he could handle this type of pain. When it was physical, Bucky could pinpoint its location like his body was a map. A broken leg was localized, manageable. But this? This pain consumed his entire being. It hurt so deep that it set into every one of his bones and pulled at his nerves. How could he do this without you? How could he live with the regret of his parting words? 

He couldn’t. He absolutely couldn’t come to terms that this was his reality now. A reality without your soothing words and kind touches. Without the one person who saw him fully and still accepted who he was. Who didn’t ask him to change but instead asked him to embrace every part of him, even the small, angry parts that he hid behind masks and agreeable words. 

Steve found Bucky some time later, huddled on the ground with pieces of drywall surrounding him. He was unresponsive, but Steve could gather what had happened by the look on his face. It took many long moments of coaxing before he could get his best friend standing. 

Bucky wouldn’t go back to therapy, not at first. He knew they would ask about you, and he found himself reluctant to speak your name out loud. After a month of no shows, a small box from his therapist landed in front of his door, your phone inside. Bucky had assumed it was with you when you crashed, lost on the road somewhere or crushed in a ditch. He picked it up and held it to his ear, a voicemail ringing through the speakers. 

“I know callin’ you again probably won’t do anything, but it's worth a shot, right?”

[xutokawa]

aahh the s/o finding scratch marks is fulfilling my angst needs 😭🤚🏽 could u maybe do one with bokuto & suna 🥺 i love your writing so much!! xx

pairings: suna x reader, bokuto x reader

genre(s): fluff to angst, cheating

warnings: langauge, cheating

wc: 2.3k

» masterlist

a/n: thank you for your support! I tried adding more plot to it this time hehe. breaking bokuto’s heart broke mine bro :( hope you like it! also TYSM GUYS FOR 200 FOLLOWERS FDJSKF i love every single one of yu :D <3 mwah mwah mwah

atsumu and oikawa ver.

osamu and iwazumi ver.

kuroo and sakusa ver.

akaashi and hinata ver.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Suna

“Rin, hand me the soy sauce,” you asked, not looking up from the dish you were stir frying.

“Get it yourself,” Suna teased back. Rolling your eyes, you stuck out your hand. Laughing, Suna came up behind you, placing the bottle of soy sauce in your hands before wrapping his arms around your waist. His hands snuck under your shirt, laying on your bare stomach. You leaned back into his chest, sighing contently. The two of you rarely had time together anymore. While you were burying yourself in your work in hopes for a promotion, Suna was busy with practices that extended throughout the whole day. Both of you were exhausted by the time you came home to your apartment together, unable to muster the energy to do anything except fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“Mmm, you smell good,” Suna said, taking a deep breath into your neck.

“I think that’s the fried rice you’re smelling,” you joked back. Butterflies stormed your stomach as Suna’s hands gently massaged your sides. Even after living with the middle blocker for three years, he never failed to make you feel like a crushing high school student. Suddenly, Suna’s gentle hands grew antsy, teasingly tickling your sides. Jumping, you tell him, “Rin, stop! I’m going to spill something!”

“I think I’ll keep going,” Suna teased back, his hands continuing to tickle you. With one poke to your side, your entire body jerked, causing the soy sauce in your hand to fling into the air, and onto Suna’s shirt.

“Y/n! I really liked this shirt!” Suna whined. 

“That’s your fault, baby. I told you to stop,” you shrugged, laughing at his expression.

“Whatever, I’m going to go change,” Suna pouted, turning away.

As you finished cooking, you went into your shared bedroom to tell Suna dinner was ready. You were stopped in your tracks, however, when you saw his changing form. Back to you, long scratch marks ran down the length of his back. Scratches that were not put there by you. 

“R-rin, what is this?” You asked, voice beginning to waver.

Suna spun around, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“Y/n! Why didn’t you knock?” Suna nervously asked, rushing to push his t-shirt over his head, “It’s nothing, babe, just uh, got in a fight!”

“Are you sure it was a fight? Or was it a late night in someone else's bed?” You asked accusingly, brows furrowing. Would your Suna cheat on you? You had felt pretty secure about your relationship before now, never having a reason to doubt your trust in your boyfriend. Yet, you couldn’t find it in yourself to make excuses for the lines raked down his back. 

Pain and guilt flashed across Suna’s eyes, and that’s when you knew. You were wrong to believe you gave him everything he needed in a relationship.

“Look, y/n, we can figure this out, just let me-” Suna began.

“Please, stop,” you choked out, eyes welling up with tears. The middle blocker felt his heart shatter watching you back away from him as if he were a plague. 

“No, you don’t understand! I can’t lose you like this,” Suna said, walking towards you, wanting nothing more than to pull you in his arms and wipe your tears away. He stopped in his tracks, however, when you flinched away from his touch, hatred flickering in your eyes. At that moment, Suna felt like the scum of the earth.

“Please, get away from me. Get out of this room, get out of this apartment! I don’t need your excuses,” You said, voice raising. When you finally looked up to meet Suna’s eyes, you found nothing but despair and regret. 

“No! I won’t leave you, y/n! You don’t understand how much I need-” Suna started.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Rintarou,” you scoffed. The pain in Suna’s chest grew at the use of his full name.

“I-it’s Rin. You always call me Rin. Please, call me Rin,” Suna pleaded, voice beginning to shake, “Stop distancing yourself from me. I’m your Rin. Please, don’t leave. I’m so sorry, let me make it up to you!”

“You’re a pathetic piece of shit, Rintarou! Cheating on me and then begging for me to stay and forgive you? Tell me, what was your plan? Did you just want a quick fuck one night? Or did you plan to keep cheating on me for the rest of our relationship?” You angrily walked towards him. Suna watched as the love you once held in your eyes for him turned into agony. He felt himself crumple knowing he was the sole cause of your anger and hurt.

“No! It was a mistake! Please, let me make it up to you,” Suna reached for your hands, desperate to have you with him.

“The only mistake that was made here was me trusting you,” You said, spinning around as you headed for the door. Suna physically flinched at your words, hurt and shame flooding his body. Panic filled his mind at the sound of your keys jingling and the sound of you putting on your shoes.

“Wait! Y/n, where are you going? Please don’t leave, it’s not safe for you to go out right now. Just stay and let us talk about it,” Suna pleaded, walking up behind you.

“I’d rather be anywhere but here with you right now,” you coldly replied, reaching out for the door handle. Suna rushed to stop you from turning the knob.

“Please, y/n, I can’t handle you leaving me,” Suna whispered.

“Just leave it, Suna. No amount of begging or love can fix my trust for you,” you replied, back towards his sobbing figure. Suna finally fell to his knees in defeat as you walked out of the apartment, knowing he lost you forever.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Bokuto

“Ugh, I’m so ready to just relax,” you sighed out, dramatically splaying your arms across the center console in your fiancé’s car. A tingle ran up your spine at the sound of Bokuto chuckling from beside you, not taking his eyes off the road. You could never get used to his laugh, no matter how many times you’ve heard it.

“I know, baby. You deserve it,” Bokuto replied, taking one hand off the steering wheel to place on your thigh, giving a light squeeze. The two of you had been insanely busy the month leading up to this trip. From your boss’ unrelenting demands at work to your family’s constant nagging and opinions on your wedding decorations, the two of you just needed to catch a break. So, when Bokuto brought up the idea of a weekend beach trip, you immediately agreed, jumping up and down in excitement.

The beaming sun immediately warmed your skin as you stepped out of the car. Warmth spread through your body as you glanced back at Bokuto as he started pulling out your stuff from the trunk, looking up to flash you his smile you had fallen in love with ages ago. 

“You go on ahead and find a spot for us, I’ll follow in a second,” Bokuto called out to you. Giving a thumbs up, you started towards the gleaming ocean, excitement filling your body as you felt the sand beneath your feet. Finally, choosing a spot, you unfolded your beach chair, spreading your towel across the top. A smile settled on your face as you laid down, sunglasses shielding your eyes from the harsh rays. Your eyes drifted closed, the sounds of waves crashing and children giggling putting you in a serene state.

Bokuto chuckled at your appearance before setting up his own beach chair next to you, situating a beach umbrella between the two chairs. He felt his heart speed up as he gazed at your relaxing figure, wanting nothing more than to cover your face in kisses. The spiker felt so much love for you, so he felt nothing but confusion as to how he woke up in another person’s bed two nights ago, naked. His adoration for you was replaced with guilt. Bokuto still hadn’t figured out how to approach the situation, how to tell you without you breaking off the engagement. He wanted nothing more than to watch you walk down the aisle in a few months, than to have children running around the two of you as you prepared dinner, than to grow old with you by his side. Bokuto was still unsure of what happened that night to cause him to slip out of a random person’s apartment in his clothes from the previous night.

The spiker was shook from his thoughts at the sound of your voice. 

“Are you going into the water?” you asked, looking up at him.

“Yeah, I think I will just to cool off,” Bokuto replied, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Okay, I’ll join you in a bit, I just want to lay for a little longer,” you replied to him, closing your eyes again.

“Okay, baby. Take your time,” Bokuto said, placing a kiss on your forehead before starting towards the water. You giggled as you watched your fiancé run towards the ocean. Your laughter quickly died, however, once you saw his back.

Your eyes widen with a mixture of shock and confusion, racking your brain for an explanation for the long, red strips that lined your fiance's back, but, no matter how hard you thought, nothing came up. The past month had been too hectic for the two of you to ever get close to intimate. Tears began pricking your eyes as the realization that Bokuto had cheated on you settled in your mind. 

Does he know he has scratch marks on his back? Is this his subtle way of telling me he wants to end this? That I wasn’t enough for him?

As soon as Bokuto hit the ocean, the salty water stung his back. His initial confusion as to where the pain came from was quickly replaced with realization. He shot up at the water, turning to watch you get up from your seat. 

Maybe they didn’t see, he hoped. His hopes, however, were quickly crushed as his heart dropped to his feet. You began to gather your things, rummaging through Bokuto’s belongings until you found the keys to his car.

Panicking, Bokuto ran out of the ocean as fast as he could, cursing at the water for resisting his movements. He watched helplessly as you began walking back towards the parking lot. You saw. You saw the scratch marks, and now you were leaving Bokuto. The spiker’s worst nightmares were turning into a reality right in front of his eyes.

The dull shouting of your name from down the beach sounded in your ears. You ignored Bokuto’s incessant calls for you, the ache in your heart overpowering every emotion you were feeling. 

Bokuto ran through the sand as fast as he could, hoping to catch up to you before you left his life forever. His lungs and legs were screaming, but the pain was nothing compared to the pain of you leaving. Panic rose in his eyes as he watched you get into the driver's seat, starting the engine to his car. 

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you took a shaky breath, a weak attempt to try and calm your heart. You looked down at your engagement ring, memories of that night flashing through your mind, forcing another sob to rack your body knowing that your memories now meant nothing. Banging on the car window startled you as you looked up to find a panicked Bokuto. His frantic words were muffled as you watched him desperately attempt to stop you from leaving. 

“Please, y/n, roll down the window. Let me explain, please,” Bokuto blabbered, “Y/n, please don’t leave me, you have to let me explain. I love you! I want to marry you, and you only!”

Anger surged through your body as you scoffed at his words. Rage blinded your thoughts at the mention of your impending marriage. How dare he tell you he wants to get married after cheating on you? Your brain didn’t have time to process your movements as you pulled your ring off your left hand. You watched as a glimmer of hope flickered in Bokuto’s eyes as you began to roll down the window, only to have his eyes widen in pain and shock as you handed him your engagement ring.

“You’re really a piece of shit, Bokuto. You know that?” Tears began welling up in the spiker’s eyes as he stared at the piece of metal that laid in his hands. 

“No, y/n, please. Give me your hand, please,” Bokuto frantically pleaded, reaching for your hand. The ring in his hand belonged nowhere else except your ring finger. 

“Just stop, Bokuto, you’ve already ruined everything,” you scoffed out. As his eyes met yours, he was met with a whirlwind of hurt, shame, and pity. That’s when he realized. To you, he was pathetic. The love and adoration that made your eyes shine brighter than the sun was now replaced with hatred and pain, making them burn greater than the depths of hell.

Bokuto’s heart shattered into pieces knowing you would never love him the same, knowing he broke your trust. 

“I-,” Bokuto paused, unsure of what else he could say to get you back.

“I’m sorry, y/n” the man in front of you choked out. Bokuto felt helpless as he watched you roll up your window and drive away from him, leaving him in shattered pieces.

That night, when Bokuto finally returned to his shared apartment, the reality of the situation hit him. The empty aura filling the space that he used to share with you was all it took for Bokuto to fall onto his knees, becoming a shell of his former self. You were gone.