#and with zero maintaining a point of physical contact and projecting the image of taking his pain on it makes X feel less isolated

[adwox]

your pain is my pain

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

Floating, Pt17

Word Count: 3878 Author’s Notes: Tagging - @medicatemedrmccoy​, @from-kitten-to-kitsune​ @suzen23smith​ @outside-the-government​ @sistasarah-sallysaidso​ @nymphadora-blurryface​ @bluebird214 

I stood, waiting, outside Bones’ room. Christine had been unavailable to hang out with, and Uhura had plans with Spock. I didn’t really know anyone else well enough to impose on their off time. So I was waiting outside Bones’ room for him to answer because my only plans for my child-free evening were rubbing bruise ointment on his back.

The door finally opened, and Jim stepped out. I dodged out of his way before he walked into me.

“Hey,” he smiled. “I didn’t think I’d bump into you so soon.”

“Yeah, I’m actually here for Leonard. On account of it being his room.” It felt awkward and forced. Jim was right, eventually we were going to be friends. But at the moment, it felt stiff and uncoordinated to try to have light, meaningless discourse with him.

“Oh, of course.” He stepped aside, obviously feeling similarly uncomfortable. “I’ll confirm the details with you by tomorrow’s Beta shift, Bones.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Leonard raised an eyebrow at me. I held up the salve and stepped into his room. “That was forced.”

“Maybe a little,” I admitted.

“Did you have stronger feelings than he realized?” Leonard demanded. “Because if he’s hurt you, so help me. I don’t care if he is my best friend, I’ll whip his -”

“No, no, the split was amicable. His read of the situation was right on point,” I interrupted, smiling. “It’s just a little weird. It’ll pass.” He narrowed his eyes and I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was lying. I met his gaze, and he nodded.

“Alright. I suppose you’d like to get on with your evening.” He started pulling his shirt over his head. Jim’s words echoed in my head and I pressed my lips together to stop myself from the torrent of questions I wanted to ask him.

“I’m in no rush,” I admitted, looking at my feet, waiting for him to turn his back to me. I looked up and he was staring at me.

“Why not?”

“Chris was busy. Nyota had plans. I’m not in any hurry to head back to my quarters and sit around waiting on Katie.” I forced myself to maintain eye contact. I’d hard a hard time not admiring Leonard’s physique before everything shook down with Jim. Now I had to fight to look away lest I do something completely stupid. He looked like he was going to say something, and then stopped himself, instead presenting his back to me. The bruise was already significantly improved, but he still flinched when I touched his skin.

“Do you have something against warming up your hands before you touch a body, kid?” he complained.

“Are my hands cold, or are you feeling pain?” I countered. “Because they feel pretty warm to me.”

He reached for my free hand and wrapped his hands around it. His were warmer, but not by much. He scowled and placed my hand on his forearm. Again, there wasn’t much in the way of difference in temperature. “Maybe it’s pain. It doesn’t feel that cold now.”

“Mmhmm,” I murmured, concentrating on rubbing the salve into his skin. “I didn’t bring anything for pain with me. I can run back to medbay -”

His hand covered mine, still on his arm. “I don’t need anything for pain, Bryn.”

“But if you’re -”

“I don’t need anything for pain, Bryn,” he repeated. “But since you don’t have any other plans, maybe you could stick around and distract me.”

“I’m terrible at chess,” I offered. He let out a short bark of laughter, and then braced his side. “Bones, you’re in a lot more pain than you’re willing to admit. I think I should get something for you.”

“Just distract me,” he asked. “Not with chess. I can’t stand the game.”

“Yeah, you kind of look more like a poker guy,” I laughed, recapping the salve, and stepping back to hand him his shirt. He pulled the undershirt on, and stepped over to his shelving unit.

“I have a deck of cards and some chips somewhere,” he commented, moving some things on the top shelf. I fussed with the replicator and got us something to drink while he sat and shuffled the cards. “You can play poker, can’t you?”

“You think I got through med school at the Academy without knowing?”

“Couldn’t tell you, I didn’t go to med school at the Academy. Just officer training,” he countered.

“Oh, I didn’t realise!” I exclaimed. “Yeah, Kara and I were the reigning champs of study poker.”

“Study poker?”

“Yeah, kind of like strip poker, but when you won, the loser didn’t lose clothing, they had to answer revision questions,” I laughed.

“I think I’d prefer strip poker,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, but you seem to really enjoy running around topless,” I countered.

“There’s no guarantee if we played strip poker that I’d be the one topless.” There was a challenge there that I knew better than to accept.

“Oh, I’m very good at poker,” I promised. “And you’re unwell. You can lose at strip poker when you’re back in peak physical condition. It’ll be more enjoyable for me.” I winked. He looked so offended that I had to bite my lip to not laugh.

“Oh, you’re on, kid,” he growled. “We’ll see who winds up losing.”

“When you’re healthy, Bones,” I reminded him. The cards snapped as he dealt them, and I couldn’t hide my amusement. “Do you want to see if you can win at study poker tonight?”

“No, I think higher stakes than that,” he countered. “Next shore leave, drinks on the loser.”

“That seems fair,” I agreed.

“I drink very expensive scotch.” He raised an eyebrow. “So save your creds up.”

I looked at my cards and cringed inwardly. It was going to take a great deal of bluffing to win this hand. I put my bet in, and traded out two cards. My hand improved, marginally. Bones traded out a single card. I checked. He raised the bet. I assessed my hand and called. He dropped his cards. He had a straight. I had two pair. He swept the chips to his side, and handed me the deck. The game continued, and I watched as my chips slowly moved over to his side of the table. He was handing my ass to me. He won the final hand and the grin he gave me was part triumphant and part mercenary.

“Top shelf scotch, kid.” He winked. I nodded.

“I let you win.” I winked back and tidied the chips. Before standing to retrieve the box for them, I stopped beside him. “I like expensive scotch too, but it’s more enjoyable to drink with a friend. You need to get some rest.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. His arms snaked around my hips and he laid his head against my tummy.

“I haven’t thanked you.” His voice was so quiet I could barely hear it.

“For letting you win at poker?” I laughed. He stood up beside me and pulled me back into his arms.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” he chided. I sighed and pulled out of his arms reluctantly.

“Well, what would we do without you, Bones? You kinda forced my hand.” I headed toward the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Science Fair!” Katie woke me with a shake. I was dozing on the couch after my shift and was completely disoriented.

“What?” I asked.

“Mr. Yim is taking us to a science fair!” She exclaimed.

“Why?” I still wasn’t quite awake.

“Our holographic projection program! If we can work out some of the issues with it, he said he’ll take us to the science fair on Starbase 12 when the crew is on shore leave!” She was shaking with excitement. I rubbed my eyes and processed what she said.

“Shore leave? I don’t think there’s shore leave scheduled for a while.” I had to wonder how many months in the future this shore leave was supposed to be.

“It’s super soon, he said. As soon as we get to Starbase 12 for reprovisioning, Jim has authorized crew-wide leave, and I am going to a science fair!” She started going a happy dance. There were worse things for her to be that excited about. I wondered where exactly my brain had been that I hadn’t realized we were nearing Starbase 12, but I suspected I was suffering from selective hearing. I had been pulled in so many directions since the incident with the rock aliens that I wasn’t even sure which way was up. Bones had returned me to three times a week zero-grav drills, and Katie was struggling with her history class because she was focussing all her energy on science. I’d been spending most of the evenings she wasn’t working on the holographic imaging program tutoring her. And on those nights that she was tied up with the pursuit of science, Bones and I had expanded our poker game to include Scotty, Jim, Uhura and somewhat surprisingly, Spock. I felt like I was finally properly integrated into the crew.

“So are you back to school for extra tonight?” I asked, pulling the pins and elastic out of my hair, and combing my fingers through it.

“I am. We might try a larger scale projection next week, so we need to work on debugging it more.” She nodded. I replicated dinner for Katie and I, and when she finished inhaling her meal, she kissed me on the cheek and headed back to the education centre. I checked my appearance in the mirror, and after determining that I looked presentable, I commed Christine to see if she was interested in meeting me in the cantina, heading there before she responded.

Tarin waved from her table when she saw me, and I joined her. It had been ages since we’d sat down and visited, and I was looking forward to catching up. Christine joined us a few minutes later.

“It’s like the stars finally aligned so we could catch up!” Tarin laughed. “I haven’t seen either of you in too long.”

“Katie has been ignoring her history in order to focus on science,” I explained. “And while science is what will get her into the Academy early, she needs all her marks to be obscenely high.”

“So what you’re saying is that she has ninety-nine percent in history, instead of one hundred?” Christine laughed. I joined in.

“It’s funny because it’s true.” I nodded. Tarin grinned.

“My sister entered the academy at 14. I remember my parents worrying about how single-minded she was as well,” she offered. “I don’t think ninety-nine will keep her out.”

“The worst of it is that I don’t know if I want her to go so young,” I admitted. “I only just got her back full-time. To only get three years with her?”

“But once she finished, she can always request assignment with you until she’s an adult,” Christine suggested.

“Which only gives me two more years,” I sighed. “I’m borrowing worries, I know. It’s far too soon to be losing sleep over this.”

“Particularly when you have someone else helping you lose sleep,” Christine winked. I furrowed my brow in confusion.

“But I don’t.”

“I thought you and -”

“Oh no, that ended almost as quickly as it started,” I laughed. “Far too much cloak and dagger, I think, in the end.” I wasn’t about to share that Jim had pinpointed my less-than-platonic feelings for Bones before I had. Or that I had less-than-platonic feelings in the first place.

“Wait, are we talking about you and McCoy, or something else?” Tarin asked. My jaw dropped and Christine burst out laughing.

“Bones is my best friend. There’s nothing going on there,” I denied. Christine laughed again.

“To use our beloved CMO’s own favourite phrase, horse shit,” she chuckled. “If my best friend and I were constantly in one another’s laps like you two are, we’d be assigned shared quarters.”

“Christine, there is nothing happening between Doctor McCoy and I.” I kept my voice calm and steady. “He’s been my advocate and my ally, and he is my best friend shipboard.” Christine arched her eyebrow in disbelief, but let it go.

“Do either of you have exciting plans for shore leave?” Tarin carefully changed the subject. I lifted my hands in disbelief.

“Am I the only person who hasn’t been paying attention?” I asked. Christine shook her head.

“Nope, this is the first I’ve heard of it too,” she replied. “What shore leave?”

“We’ll be at Starbase 12 in about three days. Captain Kirk has authorized ship-wide leave,” she explained. “You seriously didn’t know?”

“I’ll ask Bones about it tomorrow morning.” I looked at Christine. “I hope that doesn’t mean he’s planning education leave for us or something.”

“12 has a pretty basic hospital and medical centre. I can’t think there would be much for us to learn. And he would never consider drilling us off the ship,” Christine said. My comm chirped, alerting me that Katie was headed back to quarters.

“Sorry to cut the evening short, that was Katie,” I excused myself. I wondered about the shore leave as I headed back to my quarters. I couldn’t think of a reasonable excuse for why Bones wouldn’t let medical personnel know about it, but I assumed there would be a reason.

Katie wasn’t in when I got back. I’d asked her to comm me before she came home so I could be back in time, but the education centre was closer than the cantina, and she nearly always beat me. I looked down at my communicator and checked the message. It wasn’t a message from Katie, it was from Bones. I turned around and headed out to his quarters.

“Okay, you’ve summoned me away from drinks with Chris and Tarin. What’s up?” I asked as I entered his quarters. He was sitting on his couch, poring over his PADD.

“This curriculum is ridiculous. Why is it so important for kids to know about history? Shouldn’t Katie be learning about other cultures? Earth history can be summed up in a few words. And then we blew shit up again.” He put air quotes around the last sentence.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been trying to help Katie with her history homework, but I don’t understand why it’s so goddamn important that she know about,” he paused and scanned his PADD “nuclear proliferation in the twentieth century.”

“It’s all related to the Cold War and the space race,” I replied.

“Well aren’t you a happy little ray of history,” he retorted, finally looking away from his PADD. I smiled and sat down beside him. “Your hair looks pretty when it’s down.”

“Uh, Thanks? When did you start helping her?” I asked.

“Ages ago. Her mark dropped to a ninety-six and she was scared to tell you. She thinks you’ll be upset if she doesn’t get early admission to the Academy. I told her you’d probably prefer she didn’t go early, but she’s convinced you’ll be heartbroken if she doesn’t,” he explained. I sighed.

“I don’t think I want her to go early. But I want her to have the opportunity to, if that’s what she wants,” I admitted. “Does that make sense?”

“Of course it does. But you should tell her that,” he advised. I nodded.

“Speaking of telling, when were you going to let us know about shore leave?” I asked. He stared at me blankly.

“I sent that memo last week, as soon as Jim authorized it. It should be on everyone’s PADDs.”

I pulled my PADD and showed him all my messages. Nothing about shore leave was there. He looked at my PADD, and then opened his own messaging. “Oh for -” He growled. “I left it in drafts. I think I was waiting on Jim to confirm dates.” A few taps later, and my PADD alerted me of the message waiting.

“So right now you owe me drinks,” I prompted. He raised an eyebrow.

“In a pig’s eye, kid,” he retorted. I laughed.

“I’m not going to fight with you about it. Fair and square. I’m ahead right now in the official greatest poker challenge ever,” I flipped through my PADD until I found the tracking page I’d set up, and handed it to him.

“Well, I’ll be damned. I’ll have to try a little harder tomorrow,” he laughed.

“I’ll make you a deal,” I offered. “If you’ll come with me to check out Katie’s science fair while we’re on leave, I’ll buy.”

“Done,” he said, too quickly.

“That was too easy.” I narrowed my eyes. He grinned.

“She’d already invited me.”

“You’re an asshole, Bones,” I laughed, bumping him with my shoulder.

“She’s a good girl,” he commented, more seriously.

“Yeah, I think my parents did right by me,” I agreed. “She’s smart, she’s kind -”

“She loves her mama, she wants to make you proud,” he agreed. “I hope my Joey is growing up the same, although I somehow doubt it.”

“Joey?” I asked. He must have meant the girl in the holo.

“My daughter. She’s a little less than a year older than Katie,” he offered, as though he wasn’t dropping a huge secret in my lap.

“You’ve never mentioned her,” I pressed. He looked sad. Wistful.

“It was an ugly divorce, and her mother got custody.” It was a short answer, but I could hear the pain in his voice. I squeezed his hand.

“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. He laced his fingers in mine and squeezed back.

“She writes the greatest letters. Jocelyn tried to prevent me from contacting her, but the court said being off planet was hardship enough. Joanna sends me a letter once a month. Says she’s too old for me to keep calling her Joey, but she’ll always be a little girl with pigtails and a lisp in my mind,” he laughed. “I got to see her when we were back on Earth. She’s not a little girl with pigtails and a lisp anymore.”

“You’re a good man, Leonard.” I squeezed his hand again, and leaned against his shoulder.

“Joc would probably argue that point,” he laughed.

“Let me at her.” I wasn’t joking. He slipped his arm around my shoulder.

“Well,” he paused. “I was a different man then.”

“No,” I argued. “You weren’t. Men like you are born, not made.”

“Thank you for your vote of confidence, kid,” he laughed. “But I assure you, I was a fuck up and that ended my marriage.”

“Well, whatever you are, you owe me drinks when we get to Starbase 12,” I teased.

“We just agreed that you were buying!” He protested. “Check in with Katie, and see how much later she’s going to be.” I raised an eyebrow in question, but complied. Her response was immediate. She was busy, I was to stop interrupting her, and Mr. Yim was a god among men.

“Apparently I have at least an hour.” I shrugged. Leonard grabbed the poker chips and the deck of cards and raised his eyebrow in challenge.

“Double or nothing,” he dared. I narrowed my eyes and bit my lip.

“I don’t know, Bones,” I hesitated. “I mean, it’s not much of a wager. A second glass of scotch? Doesn’t really seem worth the risk.”

“Chicken?” He tried to provoke me. He tilted his head from side to side, cracking his neck.

“Oh, you are on.” I rose to the bait. I took an early lead in the game, raking his chips across the table to my pile. A few hands in, I was certain I was going to clean him out. He had significantly fewer chips than I did, and had drawn three cards. I had a solid hand, a full house with three aces and a pair of kings. I knew I could clean him out, and went all in, sure he would follow suit. I showed my hand and his eyes widened.

“That’s a good hand,” he admitted, as he dropped his hand on the table. “But my four of a kind beats it.”

“Twos? You beat me with twos?” I threw my hands up in defeat and glared at him. He smirked winking as he swept the chips across the table. I gathered the cards and put them away, still shaking my head and muttering under my breath. He followed me to the shelving unit and put the chips down beside the cards and laughed.

“Come on, don’t be that way,” he cajoled. I scowled at him. “That was a pretty historic loss, as poker losses go. You don’t see that often.”

“Rub it in why don’t you?” He took my chin in his hand and tilted my head up, forcing me to look at him. I smiled despite myself.

“There’s my girl,” he teased. “Sunny disposition and all.” I cocked an eyebrow and rolled my eyes.

“I should punch you in the spleen,” I grumbled. He stepped a little closer and slipped his free arm around my waist, pinning my arm at my side.

“Come on now, the bruise is only just gone,” he laughed, and I became acutely aware of how close he was. My breath caught. I extricated myself from his arms and stepped toward the door.

“I should go.” I bit my lip. He looked hurt, almost.

“I thought you weren’t in a hurry?” He asked. “Katie hasn’t commed.” He took a few steps toward me, and I had to force myself to not retreat. He pushed a stray curl off my face and looked at me in wonder. I had to force myself to breathe. His hand cupped my cheek, and without realizing what I was doing, I closed my eyes and leaned into it. Then, while my eyes were still closed, I felt his lips brush against mine, soft, without any force. I pulled away, dragging in a deep breath. He stepped away.

“I -”

“Oh, shit, Bryn,” he breathed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have -”

“No, don’t.” I placed my fingers against his mouth. “Don’t apologize.” I stepped back against him, eliminating the space between us. My arm snaked around his neck, pulling him down to me. Our lips met, and the tight anticipation in my chest exploded as he gathered me into his arms. And then my comm chirped, forcing us apart. I looked down at the message, knowing it would be Katie.

“I have to go.” I didn’t want to go. He nodded, mute, his face flushed. “I will see you in the morning.” He nodded again. I walked toward the door, and turned back before pushing the button to open it. He crossed the room in three steps and pushed me into the wall, his mouth hard against mine. His hands tangled in the hair at the nape of my neck and his teeth tugged on my bottom lip. I slid my tongue against his teeth and he deepened the kiss, leaving me breathless. He pulled away, his mouth turning up at the corner just slightly.

“You have to go,” he breathed. “Katie.” It sounded like he was reminding himself more than me.