#and why’s is there no fanfics?

[bamboozledcorvid]

Worst feeling is being a radical, over the top, chronically online fan in a normal fandom cause where do I find my people who think these obviously straight, cis, neurotypical characters are actually gay, trans, autistic characters.

[roseworth]

i think theres this idea in the general public that the "best" fanfic gets turned into real books like 50 shades of grey. but the truth is that the best fanfic can never be published as an actual book because its intricately woven into the canon material so its inseparable even if you change the names

[moldycigarette]

this x simon “ghost” riley

cw!: praise, size kink, creampie, breeding kink, bulge, simon’s a nasty dog (and i tried to warn ya)

—————

simon never fails to remind you how much bigger he is than you.

you’re short? no problem, all those missing inches go to simon. oh wait you’re tall? whatever, he still towers over you.

are you chubby by society’s standards? just means there’s more for him to love. skinny? that’s okay too, he’s always down to eat whatever you can’t finish.

no matter what size or shape you are, it’s a guarantee that simon is still bigger than you. and he always manages to remind you of that in the bedroom.

his large hands around your waist, pounding into you with his thick cock. he obsesses over the bulge in your cute tummy from his size, practically drooling over the fact that he can’t even fit inside you’re pretty pussy all the way.

whether he’s fucking you doggy style or in a mating press, he will always tower over you. he makes sure you’re cum is on his fingers and his tongue alone before he shoves his meaty dick inside you; this man has the libido and stamina of a god.

“g’nna fuck this p’ssy so good, love. fill ya’ up to the brim,” he moans, his thrusts growing more erratic as he feels that familiar heat in his stomach.

you’re coming right along with him, seeing stars while he peppers kisses in your neck. “such a good girl f’r me, g’nna make the best mama.”

—————

um sorry didn’t mean to let out my inner whore

[buginateacup]

Every single fic update there is an author trying frantically to find the right balance between a nonchalant aside of "leave a comment if you enjoyed =)" and clinging desperately to the coat tails of a random stranger, dragging along behind them on the street wailing "Please, please! I have to know what you thought! I'm desperate to talk to people about this! Ask me about the alliterative repetition! Ask me about the symbolism!"

[whateveriwant]

I have this one very specific headcanon that Simon is naturally left-handed.

From the moment his little infant consciousness kicked in and he realized he could grab things and bring them to his tiny slobbery mouth, Simon was instinctively reaching with his left hand. But as he got older, for some reason or another, he lost his left-handedness. Well, “lost” is the nicer way of putting it; the truth was he rejected it.

Maybe it was because he was being bullied at school or, hell, maybe he was being harassed by his own father because of it. Whatever the reason, when he was still a boy, Simon forced himself to use his right hand until it became second nature to him.

So now fast forward 30-odd years to where Simon is now a grown adult. He’s got a good job, a nice house, a loving partner…

And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s got a kid who’s left-handed.

Well, let me tell you, the moment Simon realized his kid seemed to favor their left hand over their right, he literally started to weep. But he didn’t cry out of sadness or frustration. Though, it wasn’t out of sheer happiness either.

To be honest, Simon wasn’t exactly sure what he was feeling at that moment. Pride? Envy? Catharsis after experiencing a lifetime of people being cruel over the most trivial of reasons?

Either way, you can bet your ass Simon immediately bought his kiddo any and every left-handed-specific gadget that was out there. Left-handed scissors, left-handed notebooks, left-handed can openers.

Why does a toddler need a can opener? Who cares! The point is that Simon knows just how hard it is to be a leftie in a rightie’s world. So if he can do something to make his kid’s life a little easier – to make the world a more forgiving place than the one he grew up in – he will do that with zero hesitation.

[dear-ao3]

pov your ex held your collection of thrifted spoons hostage for over a year (not entirely his fault, they got mixed up in his things during a move and you did not realize it, though he did adamantly deny that he had them) and reached out to your roommate on instagram nine months post break up after being thoroughly blocked for several months just to ask if you were still roommates and then to very cryptically reveal that he had in fact found the spoons (among other, mystery items that he did not reveal and you also have no idea what they are) in his car that he had not driven for a year cause he decided to make the worst financial decision of his life and buy a tesla and then tried to coordinate a meet up to drop off said spoons and mystery items which you did not want but you do want your spoons so you told him to either mail it or show up to your place of work when you were not scheduled only for him to entirely miss the point and still try to see you, then you reveal that you do not want to see him so he finally says that he will put on his big boy pants and mail it (though him actually mailing it is entirely unlikely) and also aparently hes gotten a perm since the last time you saw him and it looks terrible

[weirdsociology]

hey writers we have to talk.

if you've read any romance or fanfic in the past twenty years (i know you have), you know that there are a certain number of scents associated with hot dudes. you can probably recite the list of Things Men in Fic smell like in your sleep: leather, black pepper, pine, sandalwood, "something uniquely him", clean sweat, and if the character has ever fucking been within 50 yards of a firearm, something called "cordite".

here's the thing.

NO ONE SMELLS LIKE CORDITE.

cordite was a highly specific type of smokeless gunpowder developed in the 1890s by england specifically and used mostly in wwi.

if your good-smelling guy is not (a) english (b) using a very specific type of british rifle (c) dying in a trench in flanders, he does not smell like cordite. technically even if he does meet all those conditions he still doesn't smell like cordite because he smells like trenchfoot.

the point is, cordite is so far from universal that no one but the most hardcore gun nerds give a single shit about it. making your Sexy Hero smell like cordite is like naming a cassette-only bootleg live recording from the 1970s as your favorite grateful dead album. everyone at the party hates you immediately and knows you're doing it for clout. also, it's just factually... wrong. please stop. i know everyone else is doing it, but you can do the right thing here, i believe in you.

so what do people who are using guns smell like?

well if your story is set before the late 1880s, the smell of a fired gun is black powder, which, unfortunately, smells like seventeen flatulent cows have been shoved in a tire factory. trust me, you do not want your Hot Dude to smell like black powder. it's b a d.

if your story is set after the late 1880s, guns are using some variety of modern 'smokeless' powder - which speaking broadly doesn't really have a ton of scent when used. it does have some, but it's sort of non-descript: the best way i can describe it is the sweet, ozone, hot-plate smell of popping your car hood with a warm engine.

people who use guns a lot don't smell like fired guns all the time anyway, so while those scents might work in a fight scene, they're not realistic all the time. but there are some things that your Sexy Shootist will smell like basically 24/7 and that's metal and gun oil. metal you can go and sniff (i recommend non-stainless steel), but if you want a reference, most gun oils have a sharp, organic smell that's not dissimilar to canola oil but muskier and with a tang overtop. it's not unlikely leather is in the mix as well due to routine handling of leather equipment and gear. modern gear also tends to have a certain smell although it varies by production country and storage conditions - lots of opportunities there.

in conclusion: gunslingers and hired killers and military folks can be sexy and smell great on page, but i am begging you not to say "cordite" when you mean "gunpowder" ever again. we can do this. we are writers and therefore pedants. i believe in us!

[nocheaseforyougoodsir]

"I cannot bear your burden but I will love you through it, if you allow me." Is this from Shakespeare or some other famous author NOPE ITS FROM A FUCKING MERTHUR FANFIC

[just-french-me-up]

every artist ever : woops I've hallucinated this thing in such excruciating details I now can't put it down on paper satisfactorily

[ao3-crack]

(x)

[makkir0ll]

you were minding your business while you were out driving, on your way to the grocery store, when you hear sirens behind you blaring. you look at your rear-view mirror to see the flashing red and blue lights, you tense up and pull over. you weren't even speeding, just going five over the speed limit. everyone goes five over the speed limit.

you try and calm yourself down, maybe he'll let you go easy.

you hear a tap on your window and look over to see a familiar broad chest in front of your window, with the familiar badge number and name tag on his chest. sawamura daichi. it read. you roll down your window and he bends down to get to eye level, you could recognize those brown eyes from anywhere, even if they were hiding behind a pair of aviators (that you bought him).

"hi ma'am, may i see your license and registration." he tilts his aviators down to get a better look at your face. you smile at your husband's antics.

"yes, officer" you say as you lean over to your glove compartment, going along with his silly act. you grab your registration and open your wallet to hand him your license. he takes it from your hand, making sure to brush his hand against yours.

as he's examining the two items you handed over he asks, "are you aware why i pulled you over ma'am?" he looks back down at you, handing back your license and registration.

"no officer." you say with a smile, trying hard to contain your laughter. clearly he's going with the bit.

"you were speeding, that's going to cost you." he pulls out his ticket book and a pen to write it down.

"but officer i was only going five over!" you plead, no way your own husband was about to write you up.

"five over it still speeding ma'am, not going to let a pretty lady like you that easily" he smirks, tearing off the ticket and handing it to you. "it'll cost you one kiss."

"really?" you quirk an eyebrow, all this for a kiss?

"yes really" he bends down into an uncomfortable position, cupping your cheeks and you lean into his calloused hands. he pulls you closer, head out the window as you kiss him deeply. hopefully this will keep him going for a while. you pull away, both of you smiling ear to ear at this dumb act. you pull him down by his collar again for another one, for good measure of course.

"is that enough officer?" you cheekily ask.

"yes ma'am, have a good day." he replies, pulling his aviators down the bridge of his nose to give you a wink before he walks away. you wink back at him.

"bye officer!" you yell at your husband as he walks away, rolling up your car window. you look at the ticket he gave you and you see that he scribbled the words:

we're out of milk

you roll your eyes as you open your phone, going to the contact labeled with daichi ❤️ to send him a text.

you: if we needed milk you could've just texted me

daichi ❤️ : now where's the fun in that?

@cottonlemonade , this one’s for you

[wanderingblindly]

[solosvejs]

Introducing: LCAoRs!

Or... "What if they had Ao3 on the Enterprise-D?"

GitHub repository | Instructions

Because I'm a giant nerd with too many hobbies, I made an Ao3 site skin based off of the computer interface in Star Trek TNG! This was my first attempt at an entire skin, so I hope people like it :)

[fanatic564]

Superbat soulmate idea

Soulmate au where your soulmate's biggest secret is written somewhere on your body. But instead of Clark and Bruce's saying "I am Batman" and "I am Superman" they say "I am Bruce Wayne" and "I am Clark Kent"

Cue them meeting in civilian persona (Bruce is a detective and Clark is a journalist, of course they find out who the names belong to) and they end up dating. Neither of them find the marks too weird. With Bruce "billionaire and common kidnapping victim" Wayne, and Clark "reporter and probably has a lot of enemies because of this" Kent, they assume the other just doesn't like blurting out who they are if they don't have to.

So they date. And it's fine. But it feels like something is missing. Feels like the relationship is being forced despite their obvious bond.

Meanwhile Batman "I would rather die than let anyone know I'm a human who has emotions" and Superman "I need to protect those I love by not letting people know who my civilian identity is" are slowly learning to trust and depend on each other and are growing closer in a more natural way than their counterparts. Until something happens where they have to reveal their secret identities to each other.

[caroandcats]

buck is having A Week

[kriz-smthn]