#and why i write noct as someone who has to keep battling the darkness / starscourge

[astralucis]

not to get mushy on main, but i love noct's story / journey as a metaphor for what it's like to live with depression and mental illness overall. more under a read more due to a heavy discussion topic!

the light slowly fades as things begin to pile up: grief, responsibility that feels impossible to tackle. all seems bleak and grim for a long time, hopeless. but then there comes a day amidst the darkness that one finds a revelation about themself, as well as motivation to change. and then, they find themselves clawing their way out of the dark ( even as parts of that darkness still take root deep within ). the entire journey is rough, ugly even... but worth it for the light at the end of the tunnel

when i played ffxv for the first time in 2016, i immediately noticed so many signs in noct in the first 3/4 of the game that i had in myself ( as someone who was going through a horrible depression during college ). the ways he closed himself off to people even his loved ones and friends, the ways he tried to bottle up everything, the selfishness in his grief -- even when he doesn't meant to be, the good parts of his personality that get buried behind the grief, the lack of control over himself and his life due to the incredible weight it brings, the burden he feels he's placing on his friends' shoulders

we see him struggle with strained relationships with his friends as the story progresses. and even up to the point where he gets enveloped into the crystal, he was struggling with his journey and fate, just trying to keep his head above water metaphorically -- even as unknown as everything was to him at the time

then we get to timeskip / older noctis. this is what it feels like to be an adult whose learned to live with depression. someone who's gone through a journey of change to be their best self, even if getting there felt impossible and terrifying at times. their path behind and ahead of them isn't pretty, but they've changed for them and they've learned to control rather than let it control them. it'll always be a part of them, but it doesn't define them anymore

this is the noctis we see, using his last days left alive to show the appreciation for the world and people around him that he didn't before. this is the king we see walking tall, finally sure of himself and his place in the world. even if his story ends bittersweetly, it still ends with a personal victory for him. noctis got to prove to his loved ones and to himself that he 'walked tall' and became the king and the person he was meant to be. and he's content with that, at the end of the day

[destiny-islanders]

FFXV x KH Headcanons That I Have But Probably Won’t Doodle Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2

Sora is something else when he’s behind the wheel of a car because he is either at one end of the emotional extreme or the other.

He is the kind of driver who makes sure to thank other drivers on the road for their consideration. If someone lets him switch lanes and get in front of them, he sticks his hand up and waves to them. He also mutters, “Thank you,” even though there’s absolutely no way for the other driver to hear or even see his lips forming the words aw hon

He is also the kind of driver who shows off a very… colorful… vocabulary when he’s dealing with bad drivers. He never drives aggressively– especially not behind the wheel of someone else’s car! But he swears up a storm that even makes Gladio a little uncomfortable. (Don’t tell them to put a rusty tire iron there, Sora…)

While we’re on the subject of Sora in the car, he sits between Noct and Gladio in the backseat

With Sora in the party, Ignis now has TWO stubborn and sleepy boys to drag out of bed each morning

Sora’s Keyblade ex Machina becomes a Thing

No more having to worry about accidentally locking the keys in the car because there’s a boy in the party with the universe’s biggest and dumbest-looking master key

Noctis politely accepting the dungeon key from Ezma even though there is absolutely no need for it with Sora “Yes-by-it-works-on-any-lock-I-MEAN-it-works-on-any-lock.”

Yes this results in the boys facing off against a monster they are nowhere near equipped to handle

Yes Gladio has to drag Sora’s and Prompto’s unconscious bodies all the way back up to the dungeon’s entrance

Yes they go back for revenge once they’ve collectively toughened up

Imagine Sora getting captured by Niffs only to create increasing frustration in their ranks because they literally cannot keep this kid locked in a room

Sora looks forward to getting to meet Lunafreya! :D

Noctis gets frustrated that he can’t talk to Luna more often. Sora suggests he write her a message, stick it in a bottle, and cast it out to sea.

He’s only half joking

Sora getting! So excited! When Noct assures him that of course he can come to the wedding! Sora’s never been to a wedding before! :D :D :D

As their friendship grows stronger, Noct decides to make Sora one of his groomsmen!!!!!

Imagine the bachelor party omfg

Real talk: SORA WOULD CRY AT A WEDDING. HE LOVES TO SEE PEOPLE HAPPY AND IN LOVE!!!!!

The chocobros fearing Sora’s power more than ever when they realize that his hair naturally stands up like that. No hair gel necessary. His hair is just Too Powerful

Prompto is so jealous

Sora sometimes gets really quiet when they’re on the beach at Galdin Quay or Cape Caeum. He sort of spaces out. Just stares out at the horizon with the waves lapping up around his ankles.

Angst under the cut. :O

The Return of the Angst Corner:

In the first year of the long night, Sora tries a number of methods to get in touch with his friends

He tries to summon old friends and encourage them to let Donald, Goofy, etc. know that he’s okay– just stranded in Eos. Genie, Mushu, Peter Pan, all of them. The only way they’ll be able to send the message is if they visit their home worlds, though– not a very good chance of that happening. Still, it’s worth a shot.

He sends a message in a bottle every time he’s near the ocean. He is nearly killed in the waters of Galdin Quay by a Ronin during one of these attempts. He’d been too caught up in making sure the waves carried off the bottle. Careless.

Eventually… he gives up.

It’s worth noting that even when things are at their bleakest, Sora doesn’t lose his kindness or optimism. He is gentle and patient with wary survivors and is usually the one who convinces people hesitant to leave their homes behind to seek refuge in Lestallum.

It’s easy to forget how horrible things are when you’re sitting by the fire with Sora, whose smiles and laughter are infectious. He’s such a good storyteller– great at getting your mind off of the actual apocalypse happening in the world beyond

This boy is Great With Kids

He knows Noctis will come back, and they’ll bring back the light

It’s only a matter of time

Sora takes shifts with other hunters to stand watch at the city limits of Lestallum

Whenever a daemon gets too close, he is usually the first to reach them– he launches himself off, sometimes boosted by magic, and usually takes it down before it sees him coming

Sora isn’t quite sure of the exact moment he was infected with the Starscourge

But if he had to guess

While on a supply run with Prompto, he is ambushed by a gargoyle that manages to latch onto his left arm… with its teeth

Prompto’s killed the thing before Sora has a chance to scream– puts a bullet in its head.

Its head explodes. Sora’s covered in its blood– it’s on his face, in his hair, in his mouth… and it’s all over his left arm, too

Sora remembers reading up on the Starscourge a little bit after hearing Luna talking about it on the radio once… something about “photophilic organisms” infecting a host and leeching off of them like a parasite until

Until…

It really could have been something else. Maybe the world’s darkness was just finally getting to Sora. Maybe Ardyn did something to him. Or maybe he was infected by daemon’s blood in an open wound.

Don’t tell Prompto.

Sora keeps it a secret at first. The thin black tendrils curling beneath the skin of the underside of his left forearm are easy enough to hide with sleeves.

It takes a couple of weeks before it starts to hurt

It’s a throbbing, pulsating pain. It matches his heartbeat a little too well.

The marks spread quickly. More quickly than Sora remembers reading it did. Why is it spreading so damned fast?!

Sora is doing inventory in the stockroom with Nayvth when he experiences an intense palpitation that takes his breath away. He gets so dizzy that he slips off of a ladder while counting the ethers

He’s too woozy to stop a couple of well-meaning bystanders from carrying him to the infirmary– the town had fashioned the restaurant by the kebab stand into one during the long night

He’s able to pull himself together enough to fight off the nurse who tries to examine him. He’s fine. Just tired. Just hungry.

He lies to the nurse, but he decides he can’t lie to his friends. He decides this after checking in the mirror to find that the infection has spread up his arm, across his shoulder, towards his heart.

Prompto sobs

Once everyone knows, they are determined to find a cure

Ignis, having had nine years to grow accustomed to his blindness, being met with frustration he hasn’t felt in years when he realizes that most of the relevant books in Lestallum’s local library are not in braille

Prompto staying up late with Ignis, reading passages to him about the Starscourge, the Oracles’ effort through generations to contain it, and beyond

The infection spreads to Sora’s neck, and now he’s stuck wearing turtlenecks and carefully-pinned scarves to hide it. 

He is absolutely not a turtleneck guy. It’s so constricting and uncomfortable at first! He can’t stand it.

The Scourge spreads to his face

It spreads to his left eye

The people of Lestallum don’t need to worry about isolating Sora. He isolates himself.

People who’d once heralded Sora a hero, cooked him meals, played checkers with him– they’re too afraid to come close

Sora gets it. He really does. Nothing is known about the disease. How infectious is it? Is it transmittable in the air? Will they get the Scourge too if Sora sneezes too close to them?

Sora doesn’t know. But he wears gloves when he’s around Ignis, Gladio, Prompto, and the handful of others who refuse to let his condition stop them from being at his side

It takes a while before the disease begins to affect his mind

Lapses in his memory. He’d come back to his senses and have no idea how he got to wherever he is

He gets irritable. Very.

He lashes out at the slightest provocation. With Gladio especially

He gets downright scary in battle at times.

He keeps hacking away at a Salpinx’s body even though it’s already dead. He’ll never forget the look on Prompto’s face when he finally regains himself

He has a violent coughing fit one night. He pulls his hand away, and there’s black ooze in his palm

It’s cold

“P-Prompto…?”

He still accepts hunts and stands watch and takes care of daemons that get too close to the city

He takes on the biggest fucking Snaga he’s ever seen in his life and is overwhelmed

It kicks his ass 

He would have for sure died if not for Ardyn

His brain screams at him to stay awake, to get up, to finally get back at this piece of shit for everything he’s done to Noctis, to Prompto, to all of his friends– but he’s in too much pain and he’s short of breath and his heart is fluttering and stuttering and everything hurts. He passes out.

He wakes up at camp with Ardyn. Ardyn’s cooking something for them to eat.

Ardyn tells him about his past life– how he’d not only been a Lucian king, but also a healer. He can’t cure the Starscourge. Those powers were lost to him long ago. But he can treat it.

Sora has no way of knowing if this is true or not.

But based on what Ardyn said, it sounds like Ardyn treated the Scourge by drawing it out of the host– and absorbing it himself

Does that mean healing Sora will make Ardyn stronger?

No way he can risk that. This freak is powerful enough already. He’d rather die than make it harder for his friends to save the world.

Ardyn doesn’t give him a choice

After Ardyn draws out most of the Scourge, he’s gone

Sora finds a map that helps him get back to Lestallum. It’s not far.

He does feel a lot better. He didn’t realize what an effort breathing had been for him lately until now– it’s so much easier. The air tastes so much cleaner.

He doesn’t know how much time he has left, now that Ardyn’s interfered with the hands of the clock. He just has to hope that Noctis gets back soon. Because he wants to be there when they finally take Ardyn down.