#and why are you so fucking obsessed with lesbians having sex with men and finding an exception for men in their sexuality because they’d

[princessefemmelesbian]

Me when I don’t know how bisexuality works but also don’t care because being lesbophobic and biphobic is just too much fun! 😍

[saltydogsmut]

You know, there could be an argument that Ashley a deeply closeted comp-het lesbian. Aro/ace if you prefer.

Because in spite of her obsession with Andrew, we never see her even think about or acknowledge other men. Even though she's upset when they don't find her particularly attractive, she doesn't seem to understand what sex drive is attached to. Only realising that Andrew would be a deterrent to the guards when he mentions it. And not recognising the murders and threats would quash Andrew's when dealing with the lady I the apartment.

Ashley may not understand the feeling of attraction and love, which is why you get to choose how she defines her own feelings. Her jokes about sex and loving Andrew too much are just that, jokes. She doesn't get the intense feelings everyone else does about the topic as she has no stake in either.

Her understanding of sexuality/people is from r-rated films and maybe some of the theoretical porn books Andrew has stashed away somewhere. (So far as I know, you can't find any, but maybe they're the parents' books, who knows.) . When she's trying to appeal to Andrew it's all about her labour and not anything of a sexual nature, it's always Andrew who initiates the more dubious physical side to their relationship, fingers in her belt loops, crawling into her bed at night, etc. This is why she thinks it's Andrew whose actions are more suggestive than her own. She even admits that in the questionable/love ending, she doesn't particularly care to pursue it. It's just a way to keep him around.

And yet, she always has feirce reactions to women. Why does she call all other women vile temptresses‐ aside from indoctrination from movies/her mom? It could be because she herself has a strong attraction to women. She tries to get confirmation from Andrew about her feelings, asking if he thinks nina is pretty, because she thought nina was pretty. Nina stopped being her friend as soon as Ashley found out she had feelings for her brother- not just because of the risk to Andy spending less time with her and the potential of them never being friends to begin with and only a means to an end- but potentially because Ashley had a crush on her and felt rejected.

The same could be said for Julia, who Ashley sends insulting and vulgar phonecalls to, showing her confusion of where the lines should be by saying "you think you're better because you can fuck him and I can't?!" But clearly according to one ending she can. Or at least, partway. We understand something sexual happened, but its possible they didn't have vaginal intercourse. Ashley might not be able to get physically aroused while thinking about men, making her assertions about women even more stark. If women can arouse even her, then surely no man could ever resist their charms. Not even Andrew.

After all, Ashley can place herself in the romance spot between the other girl bunnies, but her budding feelings can never blossom. Only Andrew gets to experience thd blooms of romance.

Anyway. This bitch gay. YEET.

[sixlane]

lane u can't just say "pandoralecto" and leave it at that i need to know more please

it seems i’m incapable of talking about pairings without making a moodboard recently… but anyways YES let me tell you about them.

alecto is our resident radfem man-hating lesbian who can’t help but conform to patriarchal ideals in her quest to redeem herself and her family in the eyes of the rich elite. she’s mean and selfish and brutal yet she still cares what others think of her. pandora on the other hand could not give less of a fuck what anyone is saying about her, yet she just happens to be this (on the outside) “perfect woman.” she’s blonde and beautiful with delicate features and she’s rich and she throws elaborate parties that everyone who’s anyone is invited to. and she does it just because she wants to. pandora has never done a single thing she didnt want to do, and she’s praised for it. people don’t seem to care that she’s blunt and apathetic because she’s beautiful and alecto hates her for this. but she also wants to be her. she becomes jealously obsessed with pandora and somewhere along the way that blurs into lust. and it’s so ugly and gross but she wants to literally cut pandora open and wear her skin. she can’t help it.

then we have pandora, who is just living her life carefree exactly the way she wants to and there’s alecto standing in the corner of her party with an untouched martini just glaring at everyone. and pandora is like. what is her problem? alecto is so full of rage and pandora cannot understand how a person can hold so much inside of them and she doesn’t like it. she thinks alecto has the most massive stick up her ass and her failure to understand this woman bleeds into disdain for her. but it also means pandora cannot get alecto out of her head. she’s a natural observer and she finds herself to be so fascinated by other people because she’s so different from them. she’s low empathy like her brother but entranced by the way people interact with each other in a normative context. she cannot for the life of her understand why alecto cares so much about anything but for some reason she can’t get herself to leave alecto alone. their whole relationship is pandora doing things to get reactions out of alecto. good or bad. seeing what will make her tick. constantly antagonizing her. she’s obsessed with alecto just as much as alecto is obsessed with her. she wants to break her so bad.

their fighting turns into violent make outs which lead to creepy power-play sex. who will get the upper hand. it’s a fight to the death. they’re both trying to rip the other open.

also i thought it would be interesting to explore their relationship in the context of both of them being in some type of weird codependent twincest relationship. they don’t hinge on this but like pandoras relationship with evan is about belonging and alecto’s relationship with amycus is about dominating. so i think the pandoralecto sexual dynamic would be flipped. alecto finds their violent sex dynamic surprisingly fulfilling because it’s equal. they’re both women!! she’s not performing. she’s at her most feral and imperfect and pandora still wants her in some weird way. she feels more comfortable taking on a submissive role because she doesn’t have to uphold this power over pandora that she feels she has to uphold when she has sex with men. for pandora sex with her brother is not about sex. it’s very intimate and like. idk something otherworldly. but sex with alecto is about sex. it’s lust and obsession. i think she realizes that alecto has never not been in control and she wants to flip that. she wants to get on top of alecto and see what happens. she takes the reins because alecto has always had an iron grip on them.

tl;dr: they’re feral and they hate each other and they’re obsessed with each other at the same time. they both have an inability to let things go once they’ve zeroed in and that’s what drives this dynamic. they just can’t stop!

[butch-reidentified]

Yet another time someone has sent me a screenshot from this random woman spreading 100% baseless, very obviously made-up ('i wonder if") bs about me due to who knows what deep unfulfilled need of hers, though she's never had the spine to come for me directly in any capacity. I so do not understand why I'm coming up again now, given I've not been on tumblr much for months, but 🤷

I'm not going to tag her like I usually would bc I have less than zero desire to invite that toxicity into my life so directly atp (I've @ ed her in the past when she started doing this ages ago), but I am gonna say something ab both the accusations she makes/spreads and ab the behavior itself.

She's been spreading unhinged rumors about me being into men for literal years, including accusing me of fucking my brother, and apparently doesn't find it at all fucked up to be harassing a lesbian trafficking survivor with literally COMPLETELY baseless accusations of sex with m*n (which I have never remotely desired and as I've literally made memes about, would sooner die) just bc I didn't think her treatment of macroclit was entirely fair, as the person who had actually known macroclit for years irl before even being on radblr. I don't necessarily think I would do/say all the exact same things now that I did at that time, for deeply personal reasons I don't owe anybody an explanation of, but that doesn't justify any of the toxicity on her part.

I don't think it's acceptable or even non-lesbophobic to act like lesbians need to be a complete monolith when it comes to their experiences with bi women and views. Nothing I ever said claimed lesbians can be into men or anything of the sort, nor supported polilez, and outside of shit like that, I don't think we need to all have the exact same takes on every single issue down to the smallest nuances.

I also don't think it's acceptable or feminist to completely invent and spread rumors about other women like some wannabe Regina George, as if women don't face enough of that stereotype already. Especially if these rumors undeniably play on themes of your target's trauma history. Especially when you yourself certainly know you're completely inventing said rumors, that they're purely weird parasocial (& blatantly dishonest) speculation.

yes, macroclit is my ex, and we were friends after dating but never "fwb." we did not "meet up and have 3sums," we met up and watched movies and went clubbing, and we have not even slept together since like a couple of years before she realized she was into guys. yes i had a "poly" experimental phase in/around my college years - and I'll admit I didn't formally & vocally end said phase until long after it had materially ended - but this was with exclusively other women, as should be fucking obvious, and frankly was mostly in name only; I just never had any meaningful urge to seek out more partners, and tbqh have never had a very high sex drive. I don't fuck anyone but my wife atp & very much don't want to (nor did I want to feel like I had to air my entire sexual history on tumblr to thousands of ppl).

idk what need is being fulfilled by doing shit like this, i rly cannot fathom it & have never in my life engaged in this behavior toward any other woman. in all honesty, I thought it was just a fully fictional misogynistic stereotype that women do this at all, bc I've never known anyone who does. I've seen rumors spread ofc but usually airing ppls real dirt or exaggerating it, not just lying outright. wild.

all that said, if you want to go toe to toe regarding actual irl feminist action, lmk. otherwise, fix your own shit and drop your obsession w imagining me liking d*ck, it's super creepy and weird.

[transmascpetewentz]

I really want to know, why does it bother you so much that there are cis gay men in the world who do not want to have sex with afab people? it triggers your dysphoria and makes you feel bad, I gather that much, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to their sexual boundaries.

especially when there are countless posts made by gay people that are talking about same sex attraction that get dog piled by trans people feeling excluded, when they just are inherently excluded from some peoples sexual attraction.

gender and sex are different yes? and sexuality is based on sex. this seems to be something we disagree on. trans men are men, they have the right to live as themselves and transition, but they are still trans. not everyone is going to be sexually attracted to them, or have them included in their sexuality, especially people who are single sex attracted. I want to know what’s transphobic about this.

your crusade to get cis people to accept any genitals in a partner is actively driving a wedge in the lgbt community, I would like to understand your perspective beyond “this makes my dysphoric, I feel excluded, therefore I will create the term TEHM and make these people into villains on tumblr.com”

I ask this out of curiosity, I am interested to hear what your takes are in one place since it’s hard to find your whole POV across multiple posts. We don’t agree and probably won’t ever agree, but I hope you can see where I’m coming from and I hope I can do the same for you.

I was going to delete this ask, but this is the most politely that one of you has come into my inbox. I don't have the energy to write up anything that long about the subject but I'll try my best.

As I have stated many, many times, I don't care if an individual cis gay man doesn't date or fuck trans men. I really don't. The problem arises when cis gay men claim that they cannot be attracted to trans men, or that their supposed lack of attraction to us makes us any less male or any less gay.

A cis gay man making a blanket statement about never wanting to date/fuck a trans man in specific is like an allistic person loudly proclaiming that they would never date/fuck an autistic person, or a white person saying they would never be with a POC. While their individual choices don't matter, their "preferences" reveal that they are bigots.

"Trans men are men" is incompatible with the idea that gay men cannot be attracted to us. Hell, I'm a gay man, and I love my fellow trans men. If a gay man truly sees trans men as men, he will have the capacity to be attracted to us. The idea that sexuality is based on sex can be easily debunked by many examples of cis gay men dating and fucking trans men, as well as the fact that we have documented evidence of so-called "I'm only attracted to biological males!!!" type of men unknowingly fucking stealth trans men.

Now onto my more important point, the issue with TEHMs is not that they embarrass themselves by making a huge display about how they're so obsessed with hating boypussy, but that they try to claim that their own lack of attraction to trans men means that we should not be included in gay male spaces.

Not every cis gay man is going to be included in the attraction of every other cis gay man, but we don't see fem4fem cis gays claiming that masc cis gays don't belong in our spaces, do we? But because trans men are treated like shit even by other queer people, no one comes to defend us.

And as for posts that talk about "same sex attraction" being dogpiled by trans people, yeah, they deserved that. Gay trans men and transfem lesbians experience homophobia, and the vast majority of experiences that TEHMs call "SSA experiences" apply to us. Gay trans men are a very diverse group of people with very different experiences and daily lives from each other.

I also did not coin "TEHM." It was coined in 2017 by another Tumblr user who I don't remember the username of.

And before you go "but what about cis gay men who are trans allies who just aren't attracted to them 🥺" and to that I say, please show me someone. I have yet to meet a cis gay man who claims to have a genital preference or who says he would never fuck boypussy, who is also a trans ally. They all end up going mask off immediately. And so many of them try and make their subconscious biases that make them believe trans men are unattractive my problem.

It's true that we probably won't ever agree on this, especially if you're cis. If you're trans, I wish you the best of luck overcoming your internalized transphobia, and my blog will be waiting for you when that time comes. You seem to misunderstand the problem that I and other gay trans men have with TEHMs, and it comes from the bias that we're just entitled women who want to fuck gay men.

Obviously, when a gay trans man calls out bigotry, he can't ever have a point 🙄 it must just be someone refusing to play along with his fetish! (sarcasm)

[genderkoolaid]

“You can set that boundary and say you don't want anyone who identifies as a woman to interact with you. That's your right. But multigender people aren't gonna trust you & are gonna see you as exorsexist or at least have exorsexist ways of thinking that make you unsafe for us to be around” hey man! Maybe not trusting someone who sets boundaries about their relationship is….. bad? Demanding someone have no boundaries about who interacts with their (especially sexual) content and demanding that people allow people who they are uncomfortable with to be alright with interactions! Yikes!

Also can I control who’s attracted to me? No. But I can choose to not act on it, if someone says men dni, men dni, swag. I simply respect relationships. Im not saying boygirls/girl boys/genderfucks are weird, they fuck, some of my best friends are gender fuckers, I’m saying it’s weird to explicitly identify as a woman and then get angry when people who don’t enjoy women interacting with their content…. Get….. angry? At them for setting that boundary.

sigh. okay

Your obsession with our womanhood is misandrogyny. Multigender people aren't infecting any communities, we aren't leeching in womanhood to gay spaces or manhood to lesbian spaces we aren't opening doors to cishet predators, and us interacting with your posts as gay men is not infecting you with our girl cooties. I'm not saying you don't have real trauma but your focus on how some gay men are women is a focus on how our androgyny and how unnerving and dangerous it is to binary identity.

On top of that: the focus on our womanhood when we are discussing our identities gay men means you are assuming that womanhood is a dominant identity, one stronger than our manhood, because its the part of our androgyny which unnerves you the most, which means its our dominant feature. When it comes to being a gay man, everyone sees me as a woman, but when I'm a lesbian suddenly I'm the most man ever, depending on which one offends monogender/binary people the most. If a multigender person is interacting with your post because they relate to it as a gay man, why are you focusing on their womanhood so hard, regardless of if you even know how their womanhood impacts their sexuality and manhood? All you need to know about multigender gay men, in this context, is that they are gay men in gay men's space. Its not weird to explicitly identify as a gay man and then get angry when people invalidate your identity as a gay man because you are also a woman, because they don't want to question why they think those things are incompatible. Why is it so concerning to you that some gay men are women? Why does their gender specifics matter to you at all? Why do you feel like its such an affront in the first place? That's the exorsexism. That's why multigender people wouldn't fucking trust you. Emotions aren't apolitical or except from critical reflection & I'm saying you ought to reflect on why you have this wariness towards multigender people in the first place instead of unquestioningly following it.

Lets pretend to be a transphobic gay man for a minute. "I don't want trans men interacting with my posts. I just don't want to have to see vaginas in gay men's space. Its not transphobic to set boundaries. Why are you getting upset with me? You just want to force me to have sex with vaginas, that's homophobic. I have the right to loudly tell trans men I don't want them to have anything to do with me because I think they all vaginas, all want to fuck me, and I find that disgusting. I respect trans men, I just think that letting them in gay men's spaces is opening the door to trying to force gay men to have sex with women!" Do you seriously not see the similarities?

Look I've had two different anons now talk to me about how much they love & support genderweird people, buuuut they just make life so hard for me because they talk about their identity and want to be respected and partake in their communities :( I promise I support you guys I just would like you to shape your lives around my internalized transphobia. I mean you literally said "I love gender fuckers, my best friends a gender fucker"

I really, truthfully, honestly hope you realize how fucked it is that you've now made me, someone who literally brought up the emotional trauma this kind of exorsexism has had on me and my sexuality, put all of this energy into explaining this and defending us.

[lawlightautismtruther]

All I ever hear when talking with the girls (am I 100% girl? No, and that might be why I feel the disconnect here) is the following

- he’s so tall and big and muscular and deep voiced and UHHHH I WANT HIM TO RAIL MEEEEE

And I’m just like “good for you. Where’s my 5’5” 110 angel of a male, whom I want to carry around princess style to our king sized bed” and they all just look at me like

😨

Like are yall not aware that not EVERYONE is like you??!!!

Like I have no problem with how other people experience sexual attraction, obviously I don’t. That would be hypocritical as hell because people tend to have a problem with how I experience it (note I live in the evangelical American south and the internet is the only place that gets me) but I wish (and I’m the 10000000th person to express this, which goes to show how behind we still are) that women/women-adjacent people were ALLOWED to be masculine and be attracted to femininity without being ostracized and made to feel embarrassed. Especially for lesbians, but also for people like me. I feel like people around here can actually conceptualize a sapphic relationship better than the type of relationship I seek (but they accept neither, unfortunately).

I fear what would happen if they learned I was bi 😩

I’m not emotionally attracted to women (it’s a sexual thing), so I’d end up with a man anyway, but the JUDGEMENT I would still receive from these prehistoric brained people is CRAZY. I feel especially for lesbians and gay people because I know it’s 1000000x harder on them, even if people can conceptualize them better, they hate them even more.

Like, I constantly receive the “well if you’re so attracted to “sissy-boys” why aren’t you just a lesbian?” Which is SO stupid because it implies two really fucking idiotic ideas

1. Sexuality is a choice (specifically, gay people choose to be gay)

2. Being attracted exclusively to femininity = (or at least should equal) being attracted exclusively to women (and the inverse, which is often used to invalidate masc attracted lesbians as jaded straight women or something stupid like that)

WHEN WILL THESE PEOPLE GRASP NUANCE AND VARIANCE IN SEX/GENDER EXPRESSION AND EXPERIENCE.

I know a lot of it is the Bible and Christian culture (which is barely even in the Bible at all), but they break the rules and conventions of it EVERYDAY and find a way to justify it. Yet they can never justify people like me who aren’t harming ANYBODY

Which is proof it’s not 100% about religion, even if they’re consciously convinced it is. It’s about prejudice and ignorance.

what I’ll never understand is the motivation a lot of these people give me for being so obsessed with gender essentialism and policing others “the death of masculinity and femininity in men and women respectively will lead to the downfall of society”

LIKE BROTHER SOURCE PLEASE?!! WHATS YOUR SOURCE HELP

And for the love of God, don’t say the Bible. I’m a Christian myself, actually. But I am fully aware that the Bible was never supposed to be a source for ANYTHING. It’s simply a collection of relevant  documents to the history of our faith. That’s it.

GIVE ME A SCIENTIFIC STUDY AND MAYBE I’LL TAKE YOU A LITTLE MORE SERIOUSLY FOR ONCE (but that will never happen, so by default I will never take these people seriously. Also because if gender variance were an issue, God wouldn’t have made me (and millions of others) the way I am. There are actual problems in this world to worry about, so stop trying to convince me that by “acting like a man” and preferring men who “act like women” I’m contributing to the destruction of society. To be honest, I hope I’m contributing to the downfall of society, because this one stinks). Instead, target the rapists, the murderers, the pedos, the human traffickers, the child exploiters, the money hoarding ultra-rich, the fascists, the racists, the sexists, the homophobes, the supremacists, the nazis, the liars, the cheaters, and the media that promotes them. But most of these people are too far gone to see what’s wrong with the above. So I’m ranting about it all here in this echo chamber. I have no choice.

[jenyifer]

Atom in the Soup.

It’s the night before only friends again and I haven’t properly talked about Atom. Yes I did talk about him in relation to Cheum and Boston’s masking but!! He is important to the BostonNickverse so I can’t ignore him. Hell I even did some soup on Daddy Dan before Atom.

Atom’s name is not a mistake he’s viewed as small and insignificant to the rest of the cast. Boston pays the most attention to him because he cares for Cheum and Atom is an extension of her. So he readily treats him like a little brother too. He must have seen hung out with Atom before. But Atom is important for telling a queer narrative and we can’t over look him because so often Bisexual eraser is a thing in media and our conversations about queer people. I personally have a love hate feeling towards him based on my own experiences.

Let me tell you a story… a lesbian story actually. I was friends with several girls who were dating men (who were terrible by the way) and one of them let’s call her Eve was always talking obsessively to me. She introduced me to my future ex gf let’s call her Lili. We started dating and immediately Eve told me “oh it’s so funny I didn’t know you liked women… I don’t like women but I’ve had a lot of dreams about Lili and you Crazy? Right?” Eve was definitely dating a man but she would tell me about how much she liked Lili all the time. I made the mistake of keeping this info to myself because I didn’t want to ruin their friendship didn’t think it was my place. When Lili and I broke up Eve immediately tried and failed hooking up with Lili. Eve told me she was still straight she just wanted to try. She always dreamed of being with her but in the moment it was too real according to her. Lili’s panicked story to me was that she rejected Eve then the girl got very drunk and she dropped her off and was going to never talk to her again. Eve told me she was 100% str8 and this helped her cement this… supposedly.

So was Atom or Eve at fault for wanting to try? No. Did they obsess for a long time about how things would go? Yes. Reality is you trying something out like that is harmful to yourself and the other person when boundaries aren’t clearly understood ahead of time. Boston made it clear so many times that this was a one and done thing that Atom could leave that Boston didn’t judge him. But reality is Atom fucked about and found out. It’s not easy discovering who you are I don’t blame Eve or Atom for trying to go to someone who they know and admire. Seems like the easy option. But it’s a story people like Lili and Boston see all the time pretty out and proud lesbian gays used for experimentation making them feel less than. It’s not flattering to find out someone you thought was a friend only thinks about your body. So push them away before they can make you feel inferior insignificant. A single Atom.

I sympathize with Atom. He has no one to talk to. He believed Boston would still be there even if things went wrong because sex is no big deal to Boston. But that wasn’t reality. Now Atom is alone and hurt. Questioning who he is and if he has done the right thing. If I have to predict what I think will happen is.

1. Atom tells Cheum after seeing Boston with her maybe trying to reconcile? Then everything blows up.

2. Atom sees Boston happy with Nick and this causes Atom to go Nuclear getting revenge. Maybe he knows Nick and thinks he’s such a loser so why can Boston accept Nick but not Atom

whatever happens I feel like we are going to get a nuclear explosion that effects Nick and Boston going to ep 12. This is likely not to be my last soup pot on this boy.

[squidink-pasketti]

I need to talk about the obsessive use of the word "yaoi" because my god if I see one more person make a yaoi joke today I will lose my goddamn mind

news flash!! yaoi is fetish content. made by non-MLMs and for non-MLMs. it's fucking weird.

if you're a non-MLM who enjoys it, do what you want, I have no power over how you spend your time, but it is often harmful to see gay men as a turn-on

this is a list of what yaoi ISN'T

- any content made by and/or for MLMs

- MLM ship content

- any and all gay sex

and this is a list of what yaoi IS

- fetish content for people who are not gay men but find gay sex attractive

I, as an MLM, think that it's really fucking weird to fetishize relationships (specifically sex in this case) because of the genders of the people involved. and people often talk about how it's harmful to fetishize lesbians, but I've never heard anyone say it's harmful to fetishize MLMs. why is it okay for you to fetishize gay sex while you preach about leaving lesbians alone? if you're going to say it's not okay to fetishize one, then you have to say it's not okay to fetishize the other, either

and the word "yaoi" is thrown around so loosely that people don't even know it's fetish content. I see one piece of ship art or writing, SFW or otherwise, and there's bound to be at least one person in the comments calling it yaoi when it is very much not yaoi. AND the amount of literal children calling themselves fujoshis is so gross. what the fuck are you doing looking at MLM fetish porn. you're twelve.

just. stop calling stuff yaoi when it isn't. and stop pretending like enjoying MLM fetish content isn't weird. thanks

[autismhotpot]

Hello. I'm pretty new to this TERF thing, as a lesbian woman I came upon your blog by curiosity as always. While I personally don't agree with everything, there are some major points I do too. But something caught my interest, and I would like to see your point of view. Why do you think "asexual is not a thing?" This is not me hating, this is a genuine question by the way. I never understood why someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction is on the LGBT spaces and this is the first time I've seen someone saying that it isn't a real thing. So I got genuinely curious, what are your opinions about this?

Well hii welcome you sound really lovely :)

And yes, I do think asexuality isn't a real thing. I have several reasons for this, such as most asexuals being predominantly women. Why does nobody wonder why that is? Why is it that so many young middle class women seem to experience no sexual attraction all of the sudden?

From what I've seen and the people I've met I assume this is due to poor lifestyle choices and mentall health issues. Women already on average don't have a high libido and the thing with libido is that it can be influenced by a variety of factors like getting sleep, exercise, mental health issues, ect.

The thing is that it can often also be caused by hormonal issues, which Is a SERIOUS problem that should be checked out!

I'm not being "acephobic" and demonizing sexuality because what they have is a LACK of sexuality. Which is often caused by an underlying issue they completely refused to look into, and instead, they invent some new label so they can feel like they're part of a niche and cool marginalized group. How often they have to repeat to each other "aces are LGBT too!" Why is it their priority to make sure they're part of some marginalized interesting group and basically invade our spaces, and not to figure out why the fuck they don't experience sexual attraction by ya know, maybe visiting a doctor? Or reflect on their lifestyle choices? A lesbian is a lesbian no matter what, but an asexual could, in fact, regain sexual attraction if they actually looked into what might be causing it.

Another thing I've noticed is that asexuals tend to have an off-putting obsession with BL and other gay male related stuff. Someone I personally knew that identified as asexual was very obsessed with gay ships and would read explicit fanfiction daily. Asexuals then also often . the extra step to identity as basically anything but a woman. Do they not realise that by doing this, they're making sure to completely disconnect themselves from their body? Imagine only finding the idea of 2 men together enticing, doing sex acts only involving male genitalia. Meanwhile, you, a woman who does not possess these genitals and can not do any such sex acts.

"Asexuals" will claim they're a completely normal sexuality that should be held to the same regard as lesbians, gays and bisexuals. Meanwhile, this asexual in question: does not exercise, barely goes outside, has a shitty diet, has hormonal issues, and reads an abundance of gay porn in her spare time. Causing her to completely feel disconnected from her body and sexuality, yeah fucking obviously you won't experience sexual attraction and libido the way you're supposed to.

[c3laniest4n]

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒻𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁~

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: 𝓅 𝒾𝓃 𝓋 𝓈𝑒𝓍, 𝒢/𝒫, 𝐵𝒥.

𝒪𝒯𝐻𝐸𝑅 𝒮𝒯𝒰𝐹𝐹𝒮: 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒩𝒪𝒯 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈, 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝐵𝐸𝐹𝒪𝑅𝐸 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝒥𝓊𝓃𝑒.

𝐸𝒩𝒥𝒪𝒴𝒴 ☆～（ゝ。∂）

Inspired song:

C = Cory M = Melanie ??/? = unknown/side character C/T: Cory’s thoughts M/T: Melanie’s thoughts (The other voice is the narrator btw)

Today was the big volleyball game for Westvan Highschool. The varsity girls volleyball team was able to squeeze into the tournament between the other high schools. They just needed to win this ONE game to get in officially. One of the most popular players (and frankly the best player on the team) is Melanie, she is 18, really tall, bisexual, and a senior in high school- she was going for winning the tournament and getting a sports scholarship into a college so she could play for a college team in the future. Then there’s Cory, 18, really short, lesbian, a senior in high school, and a cheerleader for the volleyball team. Cory is obsessed with Melanie, ever since they first met in freshman year, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her. For a succubus, normally she would be into men, but instead she prefers women; Especially curvy, muscular, tall women, with huge knockers (HOT DAMN.). Melanie had broken up with her toxic ex boyfriend, who only wanted sex- and of course popularity in school, and he made her do his homework and help him cheat on tests and exams so he could have good grades. Now Melanie sees Cory as somewhat of a crush- she’s more into women that are thick, curvy, big tits, small, and have a fat ass (AAAAAAAAA.) which makes Cory the perfect girl.

M: Hey coach? I’m feeling a bit nervous about the first tournament game- is there anything you can recommend I do to de-stress? I need to make sure I can play perfectly on Friday. Plus it’s bugging me when I’m trying to study!

Coach Sarah: I mean, maybe just get some more sleep? Don’t drink coffee as much, and drink some warm tea throughout the day. It helps me a lot!

M: ok- I’ll try it! Thanks coach!

*time skip: wednesday*

M/T: Jeez, I’m still stressed out- AAAAUUHHHHHH! maybe I should talk to one of my old cheerleader friends!

*she walks into the girl’s locker room, and finds Cory changing in front of her locker. She blushes as she sees her only with her bra on and her cheer skirt-*

C: I can see you in my locker mirror, you know.

M: AAAA! I’m sorry! I wasn’t spying or anything! I just wanted to come talk to you!

C: Sure! I mean- we haven’t spoken in a while- heh-

M: Yeah-

C: so- uh- what’s the matter? You look stressed-

M: that’s the problem- no matter what I do it doesn’t go away. Im always thinking about the game and I cannot perform well if I’m feeling like this! What do you suggest I do?

C: well, I’m not really a stressful person, so when it comes to this I’m not sure what to tell you-

M/T: maybe if I was able to see under that cheer top then I would feel better- AAAUHGHH! WHY AM I THINKING THAT!? I JUST GOT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP 6 MONTHS AGO- WHAT AM I DOING-

*melanie blushes*

C/T: OMG I NEVER THOUGHT SHE WOULD TALK TO ME AGAIN! WOW FUCK SHE IS SO HOT- WAIT NO- HORNY GO AWAY AAAAAAAAAUGHHH!

*they stare at eachother for a bit (sexual tension haha lmao)*

M: Heh- fuck- uh- is it getting hot in here?

C: I think it’s just you~

C/T: OH MY GOD WHY DID I SAY THAT WTF!?!?!

M: Oh! Heh- well uh- I better get going- uhm- heh-

C/T: THIS IS YOUR CHANCE CORY TAKE IT DAMMIT!

C: n-no! I- uh- I know a way I can relieve your stress!

M: really?

C: Hmm~ well I sure hope it will~ only if you want to though~

*pins Melanie on the bench blushing*

M/T: I WASNT EXPECTING THAT- OMG OMG OMG IM ACTUALLY ABOUT TO HAVE SEX- IM STILL A VIRGIN!

C: S-sorry! This is awkward- I just felt the tension and I felt I had to do something heh-

M: Nah- it’s ok- I was feeling the tension too-

C: thanks I guess- that makes it a little less embarrassing-

*Cory sits up and sits closer to Melanie’s waist*

M/T: SHIT- WHAT DO I DO- WHAT IF SHE FINDS OUT I HAVE A-

M: B-back up a bit, p-please! H-haah~

C: Okayyy-? Is everything alright?

M/T: Ahhh~ oh fuck im so hard~ this isn’t helping! Shit shit shit!

M: Y-yes- a-ahhh~

C: *chuckles* I haven’t even touched you yet silly!

*Cory goes back to sitting in her original spot, wiggling around more because she’s giggling*

M: S-stop! P-please don’t laugh! Mnnn~

C: Melanie what’s going o-

C/T: What is that poking me. No way- whatever-

C: how about we skip to the good part?

*kisses Melanie and they take their clothing off except for undergarments*

C: ok- let’s have a bit of fun ~ how about we make eachother take of one article of clothing in order for the other to take of one of theirs. Like “I’ll do this if you do this”.

M/T: This is all going downhill- I’m so fucked- she’s going to hate me!

M: ok!

C: how about- if you take off your undershorts- I’ll take off my panties, and my bra.

M; H-heh! U-uh maybe s-something else!

C: ok- if I take off my panties you don’t have to do anything-?

M: sounds good to me~

*bites her lip and blushes. Cory shifts closer to Melanie’s crotch*

M: Aaa-ahh!~

C: hmm? Sensitive there huh?~ how about we investigate what’s under there~

M: *she puts her hands over her undershorts* N-Nope! H-heh!

C: Come on Mel- it’s not like you have a di- *pulls down Melanie’s briefs*

*cory blushes and just sits there staring*

M/T: THATS IT IM SO FUCKING DONE FOR.

M: p-please don’t judge me- I understand if you want to stop now-

C: may I?

M: what?

*cory pulls down Mel’s briefs more*

M: O-Oh! Uhm- ok!

M/T: WHATS GOING ON AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEE

*cory puts her cock in her mouth, slowly moving up and down with her mouth.*

M: S-shit~ ah~

C: *gag* I-is this ok?~

M: mhm!~ y-yes please!~

*cory starts to go faster, pre-cum leaking from her hardened rod*

C/T: Oh fuck… it’s so big- I can’t even fit this damn thing in my mouth! Well- at least I can fit it somewhere else- I think.

*cory swallows, sighs and looks up at melanie. She moves up loser to her*

M: w-wait what are you-

*cory slowly lets her dick sink into her tight hole*

M: aah!~ o-oh fuck!~

C: O-Ow! Ah!~

*melanie notices her bleeding*

M: O-oh! It’s your first time too! U-uh! Here! *bites Cory’s ear* (it helps ease the pain lmao I’m a nerd-)

C: oh god~ s-sorry~ I should’ve told you~

M: it’s ok! At least I knew what to do-! Do you want to keep going?

C: Y-yes~

*cory starts out slowly going up and down- tears of pain and pleasure rolling down her cheeks, as Melanie wipes them away*

C/T: Lets go faster~

M: W-what are you d-doing!? A-ah!~

C: H-Hah!~ Y-you’re so sensitive, eh?~ How about we go even faster~

M: N-No!~ Cory, please! Somebody’s gonna hear us!

C: so what?~

M: WE WILL GET IN ALOT OF TROUBLE! I COULD GET KICKED OFF THE TEAM! YOU COULD GET KICKED OFF OF THE CHEER TEAM TOO!

C: Atleast we will have eachother though~ but, we both know that won’t happen, because I’ll make sure we don’t get caught~

M: Oh yeah- how? F-fuck~

C: Pfft- we’ll just finish fast and we will be out of here before the cheer and dance team comes to change~

M: When is that?

C: in 7 minutes~

M: WHAT?! THATS CRAZY I CANT FINISH IN 7 MINUTES! WE’RE SO DEAD!

C: You should stop worrying~ just let me do all the work~ I won’t let us get caught I promise~

M: C-Cory please don’t~ I will be too loud! Don’t make me cum! I-I don’t even have protection on!

C/T: She keeps stalling! I’ll just have to do this- I don’t really have another option other than stopping- which I am NOT doing~

C: Well, suck it up then~ I’m not stopping~

*cory speeds up her pace yet again, rapidly bouncing up and down on Melanie, skin on skin echoing throughout the girl’s locker room.*

M: C-Cory!~ fuck!~ mnn~

C: Come on baby~ please~

M: h-hah~ how much t-time?

C: 6 minutes~ mmphhh~

M/T: God dammit Cory! Ugh~ am I really going to have to do this now?~ I hope she doesn’t mind-

C: M-Melanie- what are you- *melanie pins her down on the bench and starts absolutely pounding in her* AAAH! MELANIE!~

M: Sorry love!~ pleaseeee~ aaaah~ how much time?~

C: F-FOUR M-M-MINUTES-S-S-S-A A-AHH! MELANIE!~ AAHHH!~ MNN!~

M: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck~

M/T: Why isn’t it working!? I have to go faster! Sorry Cory!

C: MELANIE PLEASE~ FUCK ME!~

M: I am love!

M/T: Fuck im sweating more than I do in my volleyball games- dammit~ fuck Cory~ thank god I’m so sensitive otherwise I wouldn’t finish this fast~

M: How much time baby?

?/?: *indistinct talking getting closer*

M: *whispers* Cory! Shh! They’re here! Quick let’s go into the showers!

*she carries Cory while still in her-*

M/T: Fuck! This is so bad! What am I gonna do! I can’t just leave her like this- she’ll think I’m a big jerk! Augh! What other choice do I have?!

M: C-Cory- I need to go- now.

*she pulls out and gets dressed*

C: w-what?~

M: I-I- im Sorry! Please, I don’t want to get caught!

*she runs out of the shower stall, leaving Cory, feeling guilty as hell. She bumps into the cheer team, who starts asking where Cory is.*

M: I- I think she’s in the showers! Gotta go!

??/?: weird girl- volleyball practice ended 2 hours ago-

C/T: M-maybe I don’t mean as much to her as volleyball team… I can’t stop loving her though- and DAMN she had a huge cock!

M/T: Fuck I shouldn’t have done that- I’m such a jerk! I could’ve had the chance of dating her too! She was just- the perfect girl~

Part 2 soon~

[thebroccolination]

I saw you mentioned Queer As Folks recently. OMG how I missed Brian and Justin. When they went angst, they reeeeeaaaally served angst. I seriously don't have access to watch the entire series in my country, I can only watch snippets from youtube. I'm so sad 😭 Can you share with me what you like most about QaF and maybe if you have your favorite Ao3 fics about them. Thank you so much, Key ❤

Aaahhh, Anon!

You've unsurfaced some deep memories.

Okay, I just finished writing the thesis below. I'm back from the future. A lot of what you're about to read is pure emotion, so I apologize that it's not, uh. Well structured or especially rational. Queer as Folk was very formative for me, so my thoughts on it are very formless. \:D/

•

I watched Queer as Folk in high school, and it was a core experience. I vaguely remember writing Brian/Justin fic, but I think I mainly just read, and unfortunately, all of the fic I read was on LiveJournal, so I have no idea how to find it anymore. I'm really, really bad with names and titles, so I'd really only know them if I saw them again. :')

I have hot takes, though!

As far as fandom goes, the US version was phenomenal. So much fic. So much fic, and I loved it so much. The fanvids, the art, the meta, etc. It was such a great fandom.

BUT as a show, I preferred the UK version. I thought it was better crafted, the story and characters felt a lot stronger, and the dialogue was fantastic. It felt more inclusive in every way, and it had this…cozy warmth to it. Even at his worst, Stuart is nowhere near as much of a menace as Brian, and I think that's because he has Vince, and Brian has Michael.

(I didn't like Michael. At all. \:D/ The actor is lovely! I just regularly pined for the character to be pushed through a nineteenth floor window and then get stepped on by an elephant tourist visiting family at the Pittsburgh Zoo.)

The US version also screamed Written by White Cis Gay Men Who Held a Weird Grudge Against Lesbians and Didn't Believe Bisexuality Is Real. I was a "definitely straight except for that one time and that other time and that other other time I had suspiciously queer thoughts and also argued a shade too passionately about queer rights at the dinner table" teenager, and while I loved Brian and Justin as a ship, the UK version made me feel like I could find friends who'd feel like family one day. (And it came true, and they're queer, too.)

I think of the US version of Queer as Folk as fandom fodder. After every episode, I'd dive into LiveJournal, read fics, meta, look up fanvids, etc. I learned so much from Elder Queers who talked about safe sex and the importance of getting tested and all the things either referenced in the show or totally ignored that Elder Queers were like, "This was ignored but if you're ever in Justin's situation, here is what you do, please promise you'll do this."

The UK version is the one I rewatch when I want to revisit that warm, safe feeling.

And it'll always fuck my brain up that the US showrunners of Queer as Folk watched Stuart fuck a fifteen-year-old that was blatantly framed as "this is a bad thing, Stuart is doing a bad thing, everyone is aware that this is a bad thing, this is very bad, Stuart" and thought, "Okay, the bad thing is that he's fifteen, so let's age him up to seventeen and make him the love interest instead of the best friend who's the same age."

MIND. BLOWN.

I mean, it explains why Michael's all [evocative hand gestures]. His English counterpart actually ended up with his hot Irish best friend. And, like, Vince is obsessed with Dr. Who, so they gave Michael comic books? Like? Why not Star Trek? And he's obsessed with Brian and has the same soul-destroying crush that Vince has on Stuart, but there's a point to Vince's crush on Stuart the point is that they end up together and Nathan is a high school boy who is genuinely meant to be a blip on the radar in the background of their story.

It's been long enough that I don't hate Michael anymore, I'm just still fascinated by CowLip's bizarre story decisions.

Here's how I'll summarize my complicated relationship with the US version of Queer as Folk:

Season five was an insult to me personally, and I never watched the last episode. That stupid ending reversed all five seasons of Brian's character arc and landed him exactly where he was in the first episode, only multiple years older. And CowLip talked about it like it was brilliant and not a pathological misunderstanding of how storytelling is meant to operate to connect with audiences.

But.

I remember watching the Babylon bombing episode. Viscerally. I was staying at my sister's house, and I waited until everyone fell asleep. I snuck into their home office to watch the episode on their computer because I kept all queer media I watched secret from everyone in my very conservative family. I turned the volume down to one bar, kept the lights off, and held my shallow breath whenever the house made any kind of noise. Because Brian had never said "I love you" before, and this was it, because he thought Justin would be one of those corpses rolled out on a gurney from the club where they met, where their friends and family all gathered, the only place they felt safe being gay.

And many years later, when something similar happened far, far away at Pulse in Orlando, a memory surfaced of secretly watching an episode about love and desperation and grief. Of feeling caged inside a sexuality prescribed to me. And it was the first time I came out on social media.

Because it was a ridiculous show in some ways, and a terribly written one sometimes, but I think it also cut to the quick for many of us who just…didn't have anything else. We didn't have many options back then, and the fandom was massive, and it nudged me a little closer to understanding who I am and who I love.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

What do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives woman-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait women have that men can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

I am a gay man. I neither am a lesbian nor have sex with lesbians. I differ to lesbians on what lesbians are attracted to. Idk why you're in my inbox babe.

But I will say that for me I'm attracted to femininity in men, including trans men but I'm not attracted to women, and I assume it's a similar thing for lesbians but with women instead of men.

Also being attracted to femininity/masculinity isn't sexist, usually that just comes down to preference, which can stem from internalized bias but doesn't always. Like I assume you if you're a lesbian that you have a preference for butches/studs or femmes, or maybe you don't. For example I tend to give all guys a chance regardless of aesthetic, size and gender presentation but my whole life I've only ever been romantically interested in three guys and they were all skinny feminine punk/goth types. I imagine that's a preference that I have.

Anyway logic doesn't have much to do with sexual preference in my experience. Logically I'm a huge bottom so I should be into guys who top but that usually isn't how things work out for me. Logically I prefer the physical act of giving head to people with vaginas and I'd probably have more luck finding someone with that equipment who wants to get eaten out if I was into women but I'm woefully attracted to men and I just have to hope that a trans guy finds me on Grindr, or just eat ass. Logically, I don't want to get pregnant so it would probably be safer for me to be into people who can't do that to me, but again, woefully attracted to men. I look at a woman and I just can't muster any sexual appetite for her. Sorry.

Although to be fair my disinclination toward women does on the rare occasion apply to men. Like for example I might be convinced to KaiKai with a Trixie Mattel type or a Nina Bo'nina Brown type but you could not get me to KaiKai with F1nn5ter. I don't know why he just doesn't register to me the way that most women don't register to me.

So yeah I am giving you a fucking non answer because sexuality isn't about logic or reason. It's words we have to describe sexual attraction, which I hate to tell you this, is a vibe. It's all feelings. Feelings of sexual attraction.

You TERFs are so obsessed with white patriarchal notions of concrete reason that you never realize the very obvious answer that some things just aren't about logic or reason, they're about experiential reality. And then you wanna pretend like you're anti patriarchy.

Feelings don't care about your facts.

[brw]

society if janet dated she-hulk or mockingbird instead of loser men

no ur right... bc trying to think abt her 21st century romances n they kinda all suck?

like, okay, Hank and Jan get back together for some reason despite Bendis allegedly disliking both of them but majorly Hank. most important thing there was the Vegas pussy diving incident and it ends with Janet violently dying brutally (except not really) and Hank getting raped by a skrull and then impersonated by one. Not great.

and then there's Janet and Clint which is like.... just a poorly landed joke. I mean them having sex in the Avengers Mansion living room was funny but like. as an actual relationship I'm supposed to be into?? Clint fucking Barton and Janet??? hello?????

And then there's Tony and Janet which like, if this relationship was a Tumblr post it would be "buy her lingerie and fuck her in it". What's going on how are people into this. And by the way, I've like, read more of Tony Stark: Iron Man then you would think and the relationship was still boring there. It ended as fucking blandly as it started and genuinely. deserved. I don't get it. This ship feels like an inside joke I am not privy to and when I eventually find the context I'm like "it's not even that funny. like why do you care". I refuse to believe this is the best case scenario for either Janet or Tony there has to be more interesting things going on.

And finally we have Havok and like.... if you're dating Havok it's all over frankly. Being put with Havok is one of the cruelest thing you could do to any comic woman. She had a whole ass AU kid with him like hello???? just fucking tragic. she needs a permanent restraining order on every blond marvel man aside from like maybe Thor, Thor would treat her right probably.

Anyway she deserves to be a weird sugar mommy to Jennifer, they should date they are cute even if I think it would be a "they were both bottoms!" situation. Janet should be obsessed with Jen's arms this is the way forward. Janet likes buying pretty clothes for Jennifer and Jennifer likes having pretty clothes to wear! It's perfect . BobbiJan also my loves they r great with their small squadron of lesbian scientists. #Romance. I would like to see them interact again it would make me so so happy. Tldr; let Janet be sapphic or at the very least don't have her date fucking. Havok. Like fucking Havok??? HAVOK?????? ALEX SUMMERS???? ALEX MOTHERFUCKING SUM--

[menalez]

Most of the times I am just calmly minding my business, happy being a lesbian but then I see posts or videos about woman in a happy hetero relationship, kids, a house, etc. And I kind of... this is hard to explain but I kind of want that? Not the man, even if he's very nice and pretty looking or something. But it would be so much easier to have a husband than be a lesbian. You know what I mean? Sometimes I just wonder if I'm not just bisexual who is primarily SSA, whose attraction to men completely died because of the amount of misogyny I've been through and see every day.

I think I like the idea of men. When I think about it I can kinda trick myself into it. That maybe it wouldn't be so bad since in so many ways my life would be easier if I could find a Nice Man. Who is okay with never kissing me, or having sex with me, and who never flirts or touches me and would... like have his own house and we wouldn't live together. Maybe all the men I dated were wrong and I'll just find The One. If I keep trying, then maybe that wrongness and the feeling that something was missing will go away. But then when I open my eyes I get slapped right back to reality. Typing this out, maybe the homophobia in my daily life fucked me up more than I realised 😬 I don't even know why I keep thinking about this over and over. A gay man wouldn't keep obsessing over whether he's gay or not. I'm so tired.

anon ur just describing internalised lesbophobia not bisexuality. its ok. many lesbians went thru a point of wanting to fit into "normal" society ie having a husband and kids and living in the suburbs etc.

many lesbians unfortunately overthink our sexuality in a way that others do not and keep trying to convince ourselves into bisexuality or heterosexuality when that simply does not work. based on what you said, you've tried to make urself into men (repeatedly it sounds like), why would it be any different if u try again?

ur desire to fit in does not make u bi or het. i think as u said that homophobia is messing with ur head and ur perception of the world & urself.

[hesitationss]

i hate feeling like my only purpose in life is to get married to a man and have kids i don't even want kids in general and we live in a super patriarchal society and my house like many houses is super chaivanistic despite being raised in a single parent household. everyone is obsessed with me getting a boyfriend, my mom doesn't even like me unless it's to set me up w a boyfriend because i'm too weird and not normal and also have a lot of behavioural problems because i'm my family's scapegoat. and apparently getting a bf would make me normal and 'set me straight'. sometimes i don't even know if i'm bisexual or a lesbian because it's really hard to tell if my disinterest in a lot of dudes is because a lot of mother's treat their daughters as broodmares outside of serving men. like i frequently have to ask her why she hates women. and she frequently refers to me as the fat ugly daughter when i'm not around. and would imply i was a slut or whore or whatever when i was a kid because i would get to hang out w my dad sometimes who is also not a good parent. also said i lie and beg men for attention because i'm a csa survivor and also says that my cousin is difficult cuz my dad beat him up when he was like 8 and stuff. sometimes i wish i had my cousins parents as parents because they actually defend him and stuff idk wouldn't it be nice to have parents who see you as people and support you or take in interest in you bcuz they like you? it's also crazy that she doesn't like how i look. like her and my dad have been telling me i've been ugly and fat and nobody likes me and wants to be my friend and i'm better off not trying to even look nice for myself. like maybe if i wasn't experiencing child abuse i would care my about maintaining my appearance. and then when i relapse into maladaptive/self harming behavior because she is reminding me that she only likes me if i'm well enough for a man to find attractive so i start being like 'maybe i should kms instead' she's like 'wow you have so many problems, do you know what would fix you? getting a boyfriend. having a boyfriend will make you normal'.... also my siblings bully me too, it was way worse when i was a teenager but they would also blame me for when our mom would start beating my ass i have a hard time experiencing any caring emotion for them... being a middle child and also a scapegoat and also queer and also having many ACEs and also the eldest daughter of an immigrant household or whatever the fuck the saying is is so lonely and difficult. this also why i've never have fun when i have sex and can't date like a normal person but that is another issue.. it feels like my whole family is saying things in my head when i try to have normal connections with other people. anyway i don't want kids and my family is mean to me and everyone thinks i'm fucked up for not having a boyfriend. also when i did try to date people in highschool my mom when say i shouldn't have one because people don't like me much. but also idc what she says it's just emotionally taxing to hear all the time. like my life is literally so uncentered around men and they don't influence my decision making or choices at all. in fact if i am is in front of me or speaking to me i may start acting rude and emasculate them on instinct. anyways if i start killing people it's literally my human right... meow meow meow meow meow etc.