#and why are the others in uthodern??

[piratespencil]

WHAT IS HAPPENING????

[sbrn10]

This observation has probably been made time and again, so it's really nothing new, but I feel like the feywild retreat has only brought into even starker relief how fucked up BH are by the fact that they've been stuck in panic emergency mode ever since three of them died (and one of them stayed dead) (which is not to say that Laudna's death is the cause of panic emergency mode but that it did coincide very unfortunately with them being made aware of the solstice clock ticking) and they genuinely have no way out of it.

Like, brief excursions notwithstanding (Chetney's trial in the jungle and also the backstory episode in Uthodern -- damn, Chetney got way more not-BBEG-related character time than anybody else lol), even when they have some relative downtime, almost everything they do is driven directly or indirectly by the fact that they're being relied on to save the world as they know it and they all feel incredibly not up to the task. They're stressed af. They all think they're going to die. Barring Chet and Fearne, they're kind of willing to die -- like they're not going to TRY to die, but they're up for it if necessary. Even when they're stuck waiting with nothing else to do like for three days on a ghost ship, they end up talking shop more than anything else (i.e., discussing whether Laudna should be texting Delilah -- and about half of them think yes). They're all watching each other make really questionable choices and rationalizing way hard because they feel like they need to (Orym and FCG to Laudna re: Delilah, Laudna to Imogen re: taking off the circlet, everyone watching Ashton jump into fucking lava ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ etc.) (and yeah, Ashton blowing themselves up went a bit beyond the rationalization threshold, but honestly if the consequences had been a hair less radical...) and on the flip side, feeling almost a sense of distrust when some of them aren't ready to make really questionable choices.

(Okay, okay, side tangent: I know it's not great that everyone's been pushing Fearne on the shard? But also, Fearne has been so reluctant to share her fears to the extent that I'm like, they're not mindreaders ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ . (Hilariously, Imogen is, but she hasn't been doing it to Fearne!) Even with Chetney, who was really good about communicating with Fearne in e78, Fearne says she's afraid of becoming a bad version of herself exactly one (1) time and then they actually spend almost all of that conversation discussing her feelings for Ashton and how she regrets that her feelings influenced her into making the wrong choice, not dark!Fearne, which is why that conversation also ends with Chetney being like, hey, I get that you feel bad about Ashton, and you said you were scared, but also I love being a werewolf and I think you can overcome being scared so you should still get it because you could be awesome. Because she hasn't elaborated! And on the one hand -- yes, in a perfect world, her feelings should be respected even if she doesn't fully explain them. But on the other, the world may be ending and she's turning down significant power that everyone put their neck on the line to get; they do kind of deserve an explanation for why. All I'm saying is, the way this Fearne shard thing has been playing out is more complicated than "nobody is listening to her.")

And the thing is, it doesn't matter whether Matt stops the clock now, because it's always there. They could be in the feywild for months with time frozen and they'd still have alarm sirens blaring in the back of their heads until the threat is actually resolved.

To be very clear, it's not that I hate it -- there's a part of me that does enjoy this campaign specifically for that sense of heightened distress. I think the vastly different overarching story structures of c1, c2, and c3 all directly inform the pacing and vibes of each campaign, and c3 is the SNAFU campaign through and through.

But as much as I would like for them to sit down and work through their emotional shit, there's also the side of me that's like... but... when would they do that. Especially now that we've seen they can't even turn off their trauma brains when they're in the feywild under the guise of timey wimey bs (which, to be clear, also makes sense given their situation).

And I'm just saying, it makes me sad for them! They're all so! fucked! up! Also I love them a lot and I can't stop thinking about them.

[conceptstage]

Top 10 Beau/Jester moments and/or Top 10 Empire Sibling moments

Beau/Jester:

10. “I think you’re avoiding me and I think I know why”, Beau’s gay panic was palpable

9. “I follow Jester and whoever she follows I follow.”

8. “I slap her on the ass and say ‘The Traveler thinks you’re really cool!’“ Come on Laura Bailey, you know what you’re doing.

7. That time when Nott said that Beau was abrasive to talk to and look at and Jester defended her and Beau winked and blew her a kiss and Jester basically malfunctioned

6. Jester going wild after Beau got eaten by that bug thing on the way to Uthodurn

5. The “I love you” scene on the boat, I know they meant it platonically at the time but still

4. Beau’s confession to Nott, I don’t know what Marisha was thinking giving Sam that kind of ammunition but I can’t wait for it blow up in her face

3. Beau’s conversation with her father and Jester catches her right before she explodes. The surprised and tender look on Beau’s face is amazing.

2.  When Jester brought back that suit for Beau to wear because it showed how well she knows her and wants her to be comfortable

1. It was so hard to pick a number 1 but I think it has to be when Jester was determined to pretend to be her mother to trick The Gentleman and Beau thought it was a terrible idea and was trying to hard to protect her but said “I support you, I support you” and was fully prepared to follow her in there and clean up the mess no matter what if that’s what Jester decided to do.

Empire Siblings:

10. The talk around the campfire under Bazzozan with the slightly fermented pocket berries

9. Caleb giving Beau owl Frumpkin to have for a week

8. The first time they go to Cobalt together and he gives her thumbs up and she flips him off

7. Basically any time that Caleb polymorphs and makes it his life’s mission to annoy the fuck out of her

6. Everytime he goes into Frumpkin vision and reaches for her to be his eyes and she never lets him down

5. “Don’t go”

4. The first awkward sibling hug with Fjord and Yasha on the sidelines coaching them through it

3. When they find out about the library in Uthodern and look at each other in excitement

2. When he confessed his past to Beau and Nott at the inn

1. When they went to Cobalt in Rexxentrum and he looks at her fondly as she reads and thinks about how much she’s grown in their short time together.

There are so many good moments for both of these that I know I’m forgetting and I’ll kick myself for it later, but these are the ones I thought of right now.

[vividxp]

A list of Post-Episode 87 thoughts

1. The beacon exchange that King Dwendal is engineering is a total set up and I think he doesn’t know that it’s a set up. For as much as Dwendal talks about not trusting anyone and everyone, he is being led around in the dark by the Cerberus Assembly. 

2. Hot take: The only reason why Dwendal wants to end the war is because the Empire is losing. Think back on all the reports about the war’s progress, the Dynasty has won more victories than losses. 

3. MVP of the Campaign: Beau and her status as a Cobalt Soul Monk. Being able to act as an independent agent for an independent organization has given the M9 so much freedom of movement throughout the world. Literally, it came in the clutch at Darktow, It came in the clutch in the Empire, and Uthodern, I can feel it will be their way into other contents like Tal’Dorei if it comes to that.

4. The Cerberus Assembly is straight up lying. And there is proof. We know the Cerberus Assembly was doing experiments with dunamancy in Felderwin that had adverse affects on the population. We know that Yeza was working to create some sort of potion that will let them utilize dunamancy to gain advantages in battle. Were they successful? 

5. Since I am on Team “It’s a set up”, I think the strategy to avoid disaster is to keep Essek in the loop. He should be the first person who M9 goes to anyways to set up the Dynasty/Empire meeting, but more than just that, the M9 need to let him know of anything that seems suspicious. Otherwise if something goes down, the M9 is an obvious scapegoat.

6. In the shipping meme I marked Nott/Caleb as my Queerplatonic OTP and I’ve been especially vindicated in recent episodes. I honestly think it’s going to be end game. Lots of folks are still asleep on the concept because they think that that anything that involves Nott is some sort of a joke but I’m here to point out that some of the most serious and emotionally affecting moments in this campaign have been Caleb and Nott just being life partners who are ride or die for each other. I’m telling y’all now to get on the bandwagon.

7. As much as we all want it to be the time, it’s not the time to confront the Cerberus Assembly on all their bullshit. I think they’re gonna have to suck it up for the moment until the Cerberus Assembly or people on the Cerberus Assembly make their move. I think Trent, the bastard, is gonna be content subtly antagonizing Caleb in the near future. 

[astraeal]

1,7,14,28

1. What does your character typically keep in their pockets?

upon checking her inventory she has raw diamonds, her divination bones, a platinum ring far too big for any of her fingers, a vial of werewolf blood, a bunch of wolfsbane, her newly purchased butt plug, and incense sticks. 

but at the personal level she also has a journal, pen, and ink in which she keeps on her, because she’s now writing down the things that happen to her and the feelings and thoughts that she has, and kind of decompressing after each day. especially since she’s been traveling for quite a few days, and a lot of weird stuff has been happening to her, she wants to have a log of that so she can show her mentor later. 

7. How impulsive is your character?

it seems as if she’s impulsive but in reality she’s just a little naïve. she does things that are high risk low reward sometimes, and they are almost always because she’s trying to either help her friends or she’s done a risk benefit analysis and didn’t factor in a huge portion of the variables simply because she didn’t know they were there. 

riding a warg into battle only to have her be cut down immediately was a dumb choice, but she did it because the ranger’s cover had been blown and she was all alone in the midst of all these orcs, and fáelán wanted to draw fire away from bird so bird could escape. she took the warg because she was hoping she could ride in and then outrun the orcs and they could all get back on the road, just....running away from them. but the orcs focused on her and got her to 0 hp very very quickly and instead of being a quick rescue mission it turned into both her and the paladin making repeated death saving throws, and then the paladin both being very close to her and also sort of giving her the cold shoulder because she’d made him relive a trauma that no one had known about until that moment. 

see also: her telling ophelia mardoon to her face that she may think she runs shady creek run, but fáelán noticed more members of the uttolot family in the city, not the mardoon family. telling a crime boss that her rulership is being threatened is a bad idea. but they were at an impasse in negotiations – the party needed to get back to uthodern and she was the only person who was able to cast that teleportation spell (that the party knew of/had relations with) – and everyone else was either a) too caught up in the lying and deception of it all and not wanting to get caught giving away too much information or b) not....intellectually suited to come up with a plan. so fáelán went in with something that was both true and also offered their services, in a way that helped ophelia reclaim influence over the city and also let her and her party get a mode of transportation. 

these things seem very stupid and reckless, and they were, but she really had thought them through. so she wouldn’t say she’s impulsive, just young. but that young light of hers is kind of...getting crushed atm so who knows what’ll happen next. big moves only for this little cleric! 

14. Does your character value promises? Are they good at keeping them?

she does value promises, to an extreme degree. she is also very good at keeping them. to her, failing a promise and lying are two sides of the same coin - an instance where your words said one thing but your actions said another. she does not make promises she doesn’t think are worth it, however. she also certainly doesn’t make promises with individuals she doesn’t trust. 

28. Why do they keep secrets?

fáelán’s personal secrets are usually just by omission. no one’s ever asked about a particular thing, so she simply doesn’t bring it up. another reason she’d keep a secret would be if she knew something about someone else – that wasn’t dangerous or harmful to themselves or others – and it wasn’t her secret to tell. 

as an acolyte, she was trained in helping people grapple with all manner of secrets, and it was her responsibility to remind them that the luxon does see all, but that it’s not too late to come back to the original path fate had planned. that stuff she’s legally bound to keep to herself, so she does, but that’s just a part of her job. 

but again; secrets and lies are very, very close to each other. and if a secret starts to edge into becoming dangerous for others to know, or makes her complicit in a lie or something greater, she will not hesitate to reveal the whole operation.

[ slightly obscure d&d character questions ] 

[utilitycaster]

(inspired by this fanart and my own Bon Appetit watching)

Jester kicks them out of the kitchen right after breakfast. It’s still early - Caduceus and Fjord ate shortly after dawn, Beau and Dairon were also up on the early side and have been training since, Caleb hasn’t appeared yet, and so it’s really just Nott eating thick-cut, barely cooked bacon and a fragrant but somewhat stewed tea. Jester thinks she saw Nott tip some whiskey into it but she can’t be sure, and anyway that’s not what’s important now.

“I will be in the kitchen and I am going to make Nicodranas cinnamon donuts,” she says, shooing Nott towards the front hall.

“What about lunch?” Nott asks. Jester sighs loudly and counts out a few gold and slaps it on the table. “Buy lunch for everyone. My treat. Ask them what they want.”

“What about Caleb?” Nott asks. Jester sighs again and slices off some of the bread Caduceus baked yesterday, and pulls one of the strange, pale fruits found in Rosohna out of the pantry and puts it on the table next to the gold. “He can take this off the table but I NEED THE KITCHEN.”

At this point Beau and Dairon have peered in. “Donuts sound great, Jes,” says Beau.

“Thank you Beau,” says Jester. “Now let me have the kitchen!” Nott takes a heavy swig before wandering into the lab.

It’s raining heavily outside in addition to the perpetual dark, which is why she decided to bake today. She carefully sets down the small shaker of cinnamon she purchased - for too much, probably - in Uthodern and begins. She uses a little honey from when they stopped on Bisaft. She asked Caduceus last night if she could use some of the yeast from when he makes bread, and she bought extra flour and eggs and milk for the whole house (though truly she’s the one who drinks most of the milk anyway).

The dough is very sticky once it finally comes together. “BEAU!” she calls out. Beau comes down the stairs, her hair clean and wet from the bath and already twisted up in its knot. “Yeah?” she asks.

“Can you watch the kitchen while I take this into the cellar? The dough needs to be colder and I’m afraid someone will mess up the kitchen.”

“Sure,” Beau says. It’s during this few minutes, when Jester puts the dough in the cellar and runs to the bathroom for a moment that Caduceus wanders down.

“Smells nice,” he says. “You know, they sell cassia in the shops here, she could use that.”

“I think it’s like, more of the principle of the thing?” Beau says, tossing one of the gold coins on the table and catching it repeatedly.

“I guess that’s true. Hey, while you’re in there can I put some flour and water in the sourdough starter?”

“Don’t think I can, Deuce,” Beau says. “Jester was very specific.”

“Alright then, can you put some flour and water in the sourdough starter?”

“Fine,” Beau says, long and drawn out, but complies. Caduceus smiles and thanks her.

It’s noon when Caleb comes down, looking disheveled and ink-spattered. Jester is reading a book* still waiting for the dough to chill.

“I’m making donuts Caleb, don’t come in but there’s some bread and fruit for you...and someone will go buy lunch in a few minutes.”

“Hmm? Oh, I am fine, Jester,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I had one of those beads early this morning. I am copying some scrolls into my book.”

“What did you learn to do?” asks Jester. Caleb gives her a slightly tired smile and pulls out a small piece of fleece from his pocket, and suddenly an image of Nugget appears, wagging his tail and panting. Jester giggles and reaches out to pet him but her hand passes through.

“It’s an image only. Like Fjord used to be able to do,” Caleb says.

“Did you copy all the scrolls?” Jester asks. Caleb shakes his head. “Just the one. One of the others is very easy and I can copy it quickly tomorrow morning. The other will take me a long time, so I am taking a break so I can finish it by tonight.”

“Okay, okay,” says Jester. “What time is it?” she says.

“12:04,” says Caleb.

“Can you stay in the kitchen for a few minutes? I need to get the dough and get ready to fry it. Just keep people out,” she says. Caleb nods, sits in the chair, and summons Frumpkin to sit on his lap as he puts his head down on the table. After a moment he lifts his head up and without getting points a finger at the area below the pot and gets the fire started.

Jester comes back up. “Oh thank you Caleb! Do you want me to bring you a donut when they’re done?”

“Just save me one, yes?” he says, and nearly runs into Fjord as he enters in an old oilskin jacket over his shirt. “Oh, hello Caleb. I’m about to get lunch for everyone, care to join me?”

“I’m okay, but thank you,” Caleb says, still walking towards the stairs.

“He’s copying spells today, he said,” Jester tells Fjord as he picks up the gold.

“It smells good,” Fjord says to her. “Like that bakery near the docks in Nicodranas.” He walks out as Jester beams.

An hour later, Fjord walks in. Caduceus comes down when the bell jingles and they both see Jester, no longer smiling.

“It won’t puff up right you guys,” she says, looking at a flat, fragrant piece of dough.

“May I?” asks Caduceus as he tastes the fried dough. “Tastes nice - I don’t know what it’s supposed to be but the spices are a good balance.” Jester’s pout lessens but only a bit. Fjord takes a look.

“He’s right. I don’t know a lot about frying but it looks right, just not puffy.” Fjord turns and calls out “Lunch, everyone!”

Beau barrels down the stairs and Nott rushes in. “Where’s Caleb?” Nott asks. “And Dairon?”

“Caleb’s copying those spells all day - he said he ate one of those bead things,” said Jester distractedly. “Why won’t the dough work?” She walks back over to the heavy pot of oil sitting over the fire.

“Dairon said she’d be out, so who knows when she’ll be back,” says Beau. Nott nods, grabs some of the lunch food and walks over to the pot of oil. “Needs to be hotter,” she says through a full mouth.

“What?” says Jester.

“Needs to be hotter. Put a wooden spoon in and make sure it’s all covered in bubbles.”

“Are you sure?” asks Jester.

“Have you ever gotten a three year old to eat vegetables by dipping them in batter and frying them?” responds Nott. “Also don’t put too much dough in at once, Yeza said it drops the heat of the oil too fast.” Jester takes a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll move the pot closer. Now OUT OF THE KITCHEN.”

An hour later Nott comes back to the kitchen. “Did it work?” she asks.

“The oil was right but something was wrong with how I made them,” says Jester, near tears. “I’ll have to try again.”

Nott grabs one off the table before Jester can object. “Tastes pretty good to me,” she says.

“It’s not a real Nicodranas donut though.” says Jester. “You can have these though, just leave me one or two to see what I did wrong.” Nott opens her mouth briefly, pauses, and then starts again. “There’s a tavern I’ve wanted to check out back in the Gallimaufrey,” she says. “We’ll go out for dinner.” Jester nods and sits at the table for a moment before retying the green scarf she has holding her hair back and smoothing out her apron. “I will have donuts for you when you come back.”

The rainy afternoon passes quietly, everyone enjoying a rare day off. Nott and Beau play cards and from what Jester can hear through the walls, it gets very heated. Caduceus runs some other small errands, seemingly unbothered by the rain. Fjord’s room is mostly quiet, as is Caleb’s, though occasionally Fjord comes down and wanders around the floor restlessly. When he does that while Jester is waiting for the second proofing she offers to read him some of her book but he politely declines. “I’m glad you’re feeling better but I just need to think right now,” he says, walking back upstairs.

Caduceus comes back as she’s ready to bring the dough back from the cellar, and she asks him to hold the kitchen for her. “Of course,” he says. She brings it up and he takes a quick look. “Let that sit in the kitchen a bit and warm up,” he says. She pauses. “Why?

“These have yeast, right? It likes being warm.” he says.

“Can you talk to yeast?” she asks. He stops, considering. “I’m not actually sure, I’ll have to try that. But I bake a lot of bread.” He stares off into the distance for a moment until Jester realizes he’s trying to figure out if he can talk to yeast. She hands him a few grains. “If you want to try, here’s some to bring up to your room.” He thanks her and runs into everyone else, sans Caleb, at the top of the stairs.

“Caduceus, we’re heading back out - we’re going to have dinner at a tavern, let Jessie have the kitchen” says Nott. Beau is wrapped in her cloak, dark side out, and nods excitedly. “They’re supposed to have very good food,” she says. “And extremely good drinks, but also here they serve lots of tea with everything so you can actually have something you like.”

They all talk at once and laugh as they head out the door, and then the house is nearly silent, though Jester can hear the steady rain outside.

Moving slowly and carefully it takes her an hour or two - she loses track of time - to fry all the donuts and dust them with sugar and more cinnamon. She eats the first one and it tastes like home, and she smiles.

Caleb comes down a few minutes later. He still hasn’t shaved but his hair looks neater and the ink has been cleaned from his hands, though he looks tired. “That smells very good, Jester,” he says. “May I...?” and he gestures towards the pastry. She nods. “Did you finish copying your spell?”

“Ja, finally. Just the last one to go. I think I might do it tonight since it is an easy one and that way I will be fresh tomorrow morning,” but he yawns widely as he says it. He then takes a bite of the fresh donut. “Excellent,” he pronounces to Jester.

At that moment the bell rings and the rest of the party crashes in. “That was some good food,” Caduceus is saying. Beau looks a little flushed but happy, and the tension in Fjord’s shoulders seems to be lessened. “Good ale too,” Fjord says. Nott looks the same as always but not as drunk as she sometimes gets, and Jester is too pleased with herself to push it right now. “Oooh are the donuts ready?” says Beau. Jester nods happily. “Have some donuts,” she says, and hands them out. “Caleb, how did the spells go?” asks Nott with her mouth full.

“Very good,” he says. “I have the last one to do but I got the hardest one down, I think.” He puts a hand on Nott’s shoulder and whispers something and suddenly she disappears.

“Just invisibility?” they hear Nott’s voice say from the space she just left.

“It’s a bit more powerful,” Caleb says. “try...hmmm...Beauregard, do you think you can catch an arrow?”

“What?” says Beau, but before she can say more an arrow appears in the air and then it’s in her grasp.

“You are both very quick,” Caleb says drily as Jester laughs and Fjord rolls his eyes.

“Huh. Still invisible,” says Caduceus. Caleb smiles. “Indeed she is.”

“FUCK,” Beau says, picking up another donut. “That is CLUTCH.” Caleb’s posture relaxes a bit and Nott appears again, crossbow still drawn. Beau reaches out to grab her as Nott runs towards the stairs.

“Okay, let’s not” says Fjord but he’s too late - to Jester, it sounds as though they’ve gone out by the tree.

“They’ll be fine,” says Caduceus, and slowly heads up after them.

“Good job, Jester,” Fjord says, and also heads up towards his room. Caleb goes to his room as well. “I think I will rest first, I can copy the last one in the morning.”

Jester takes one more donut and leaves one out for Dairon, just in case, and also goes up to the room to send her mama a message before Beau comes back in.

Late that night she is awoken by a soft sound coming from the kitchen and she gently tiptoes out to avoid waking Beau. Dairon’s cloak is wet from the rain as she stands in the dark kitchen, but she is slowly eating the donut and making a face that Jester thought might even be approval.

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*"In All Our Lives, it’s about two consecuted souls who are lovers in every different lifetime and Beau, it is so romantic!”