#and while ALMOST everyone else tried to be profound with their associations

[just-jammin]

they say "art is limited and suffering can inspire it" but i don't fuckin' know how my suffering even works and i can't make art about it without making me sound like a whiny broken record

[loki-hargreeves]

Loki x Reader - Thanos controls You

Warnings: angst, mentions of torture, mind-control, fighting, choking, blood and gore, more angst (it's a lot ok)

Word Count: 5,8K

Summary: After failing to deliver the Tesseract, Loki has been living in fear that Thanos will one day find him again and seek revenge. You have been missing ever since Loki was imprisoned after what he did in New York. Little did Loki know that you were with Thanos all along. During the events of Infinity War, Thanos makes you battle Loki in order to obtain the Tesseract

Author’s Note: I know Thanos doesn’t have the mind stone at the beginning of Infinity War but it’s fiction and I’m gonna do what Marvel does best, ignore canon. Let’s blame the Other’s powers, okay? Please enjoy this angsty little thing! :)

YOUR POV

“There’s room for more!” Loki yelled over the cries of scared children and their crying families. There was no way he would send a half-empty escape pod on its way to Midgard. That’s when he saw a child all by herself a little further away. She was clinging onto the wall for dear life and the ship trembled due to the impact of getting shot at. Her parents were nowhere to be seen. Dead. Loki felt sick to his stomach when he knew they were most likely dead. Thanos’ children were slaying kids and their parents heartlessly and they had the audacity to say they were being rescued. That their deaths were part of something bigger than life itself.

They viewed Thanos as a god who was being merciful even when he ripped a beating heart out of someone's chest.

Loki’s heart clenched in his chest painfully. Before it would be too late, he made his way to the tiny child and picked her up carefully. She seemed to recognize the prince but she wasn’t afraid of him. Instead, she hugged Loki so she wouldn’t fall out of his grasp.

“Where’s mommy?” The girl sounded absolutely petrified.

Loki didn’t know what to say as he made his way to the pod. Once he reached it, he saw a woman by the entrance.

“You’ll be safe here,” Loki promised the child as he handed her over to the lady. That’s all he had time for as he returned to the corridor. A particularly loud blast made him stumble over his feet and he had to catch his balance by taking support from the metal wall. The lights flickered, which meant the electronics of the ship were injured. There was a strange smokey smell in the air, which lingered with the irony stench of blood.

Loki couldn’t believe this was happening. Had Thanos finally come for him? Or did Thanos somehow know of the tesseract? Either way, if Thanos succeeded, he would kill two birds with one stone. The thought of this being all his fault made Loki nauseous. Guilt was nibbling at his skin and he knew it would eat him alive in the end. He never wished for this to happen!

As he ran down the corridors frantically searching for Asgardians that needed help, he heard different kinds of cries. People were letting out guttural screams. Others were pleading for their lives. Listening to the massacre that was taking place was worse than any nightmare Loki ever recalled having. They were all drained after Ragnarok and now Thanos had found them. It was haunting how ruthless fate could be.

Footsteps began to approach Loki and they were awfully close. Too close for his liking. He was quick to grab his daggers and turn to face whoever dared try to sneak up on him. When he saw a familiar figure, he nearly dropped the blades from his hands. Seeing you there was like shock itself punched him in the face.

You were there, real and clear as day.

How long had it been since the last time he saw you?

Ever since Loki had found out about his true nature, his life had gone downhill. After he ended up with Thanos and went through pure hell with him, he had changed. During his time away from Asgard, he had only missed one person truly - you. You, who had been by his side through everything. You, who hadn’t loved him any less when you saw his deep blue skin and those crimson red eyes that in Loki’s mind resembled blood. You, who had seen him as the rightful king of Asgard when everyone else betrayed him. The light of his life, the angel that had cared for him even when he felt like a monster.

You, who hadn’t been on Asgard when Thor brought him back to face Odin in trial. Loki had spent a lot of time in his cell, alone. He waited for you to appear but you never did and no one ever told him why. They rather left him to drown in his own vicious thoughts. It wasn’t until Loki pretended to be Odin that he began to learn what had happened on Asgard during his exile.

The people at the palace loved to gossip. Some claimed you had stolen a ship and left Asgard behind for good, that living as Loki’s widow had been too hard for you. In Loki’s darkest hours, he wondered if you truly felt ashamed for being associated with him. So ashamed in fact, that you had left it all behind and started anew. Sometimes, he believed that, but it never stopped him from trying to find you. He had searched night and day but it seemed like you had vanished into thin air. It had killed him more every day living in the unknown. His only wish had been that you were okay.

Now there you were, looking like you had never left. In a moment of pure shock, Loki couldn’t even begin to comprehend how you appeared on the ship - seemingly out of nowhere. He was happy to see you, despite how appalling everything else was at that moment.

“Y/N,” Loki spoke your name softly and dared to blink. When you were still there as he opened his eyes, he felt goosebumps all over his skin.

You looked at him so innocently, but then he noticed that something was off. The look in your eyes was cold. You weren’t in your typical Asgardian gear. Instead, you were dressed in dark armour that Loki could’ve sworn he had seen before, but he didn’t know where. Nevertheless, it made him feel uneasy.

“It’s been a while, Loki,” You attempted a smile as you walked closer to him, your husband. It still counted since he had never truly died, right?

Loki didn’t stop you as you walked right up to him. His eyes never left yours. Part of him wanted to kiss you, to hold you and feel you were real, but the shrieks in the background reminded him of how dangerous everything was. The daggers disappeared from his hands and Loki held you by your shoulders. He needed to see that his hands wouldn't go right through you, that he hadn't lost it.

“You need to get off this ship, Y/N!” He told you seriously. There was profound fear in his voice.

Instead of being worried at all, you just smiled back at him.

That was so unlike you.

“Y/N, do you hear me?”

“Oh, I do,” You confirmed nonchalantly, “I’m not going anywhere. Not yet.”

A bloodcurdling cry startled Loki. They were coming closer and closer. The two of you wouldn’t be safe in that passageway for long. By now, his heart was racing with his thoughts. He felt panic settling into his bones.

Before Loki could say another word, you cupped his face rather gently. The fact that you didn’t seem disturbed by what was happening was eerie to Loki. He knew that you had a heart much bigger than anyone else he knew of. The version of you he remembered wouldn’t have been so calm. Something was terribly wrong.

“I need something,” You admitted and batted your eyelashes. Before, Loki would’ve found that quite adorable, but at that moment it was so wrong. He had been so ecstatic to see you and know you were alive, but now he almost wanted to run the other way.

“What?” Loki barely found his voice at that point. He felt sick and heartbroken. This had to be a nightmare, the worst kind.

“The Tesseract, Loki. I really need it,” You blurted it out.

Shivers ran down his spine. How did you know about it? Why did you even care? He was unsure if he could even trust you with the knowledge that he had it in his possession. Usually, he would’ve trusted you with his life without any hesitation, but you had been gone for years and returned like this, with bizarre motives.

You returned at the same time as Thanos and you were looking for the tesseract. Loki wasn’t a fool. He finally put two and two together and the realization was too arduous to believe. The idea of you and Thanos even meeting was something Loki could only see happening in his worst nightmares, but he was afraid it had already occurred. If so, he needed to hear it from you,

“Is Thanos making you do this?”

The tone of his voice seemed to offend you as you sent him a nasty glare. Your softness turned harsh and you pushed Loki against the metal wall with a loud thud. Before he could get out of the way, you grabbed your own dagger and pressed it against his neck so it was ever so slightly pressing against his exposed skin.

“He is not making me do anything. I am glad to serve the all-mighty Thanos. I won’t fail him, unlike you,” You snarled at Loki spitefully.

Never in a million years had Loki imagined this moment to happen. One where you would be fighting against each other. It was supposed to the two of you against the nine realms. Being held like that by the one person he loved more than anything was tearing his heart to shreds, but he tried not to show it.

Deep down, he knew it wasn’t truly you. He knew exactly what Thanos had done to you so you would act like this, and it only made it hurt so much more. It felt like someone was pouring salt into an open wound, and his entire body, heart and soul were wounded.

“Now give me the tesseract and we will be on our merry way,” You tried to obtain it again. This time you seemed more serious. Was it the tone of your voice or your weapon pressed against his pulse? Loki didn’t know.

“I don’t have it,” Loki lied as smoothly as he could because even thinking straight at that moment felt impossible. The world was caving in around him at supersonic speed.

You pressed the sharp edge of the blade closer to him, feeling how just a little bit more pressure would've broken his skin “You’re a great liar, my dear, but I know that’s not the truth.”

Loki didn’t want to fight you, but he didn’t see another way out. And it was good for him that you had learned most of the tricks from him. Your every move would be more easily predictable for Loki. He had to find a way to distract you.

“Why do you need it?” That was a foolish question. He knew damn well what Thanos would do if he got his dirty hands on the infinity stones.

“Why do you care?” You didn’t answer his silly question.

Suddenly, Loki grabbed your wrist tightly and yanked your arm to the side. He tried to be as gentle as he could, but Loki knew you wouldn’t go down without a fight.

At least your weapon fell out of your hand, but you knew how to defend yourself without it. So did Loki.

Loki tried to turn things around so he would have you pinned down against the wall, but you didn’t let him get that far. As he turned you around so your back was pressed firmly against his chest, you kicked your legs against the wall hard, pushing both of you back. Loki took the biggest impact as he fell on the floor, with you on top of him. Quickly, you rolled out of his grasp, turning around in one swift movement so that you were now sat on top of him, with your legs tightly against both his sides.

A powerful orb of magic grew above your fingertips and you brought it closer to Loki’s face - so close that he could feel the heat of your burning powers. The magic created an electric sensation on your skin. It felt like you pushed your fingers deep into warm sand. Toying with it was exhilarating, and seeing the astonished look on Loki’s face made it so much better. The green light of your powers cast light in his eyes, only deepening the look of disbelief that was painted all over him.

“It’s sweet that you’re trying not to hurt me,” You taunted him at that point, “but that doesn’t mean I won’t hurt you.”

“This isn’t you, Y/N,” Loki groaned. He was so sure of himself.

You tilted your head and smirked, looking at him like a cat would at a mouse. “I don’t know, Loki. It’s been a while,” You explained casually and leaned closer and closer to his face, stopping when your noses brushed against one another. By now, Loki was frozen on the spot. He was trying to come up with a plan and he felt hopeless.

“I’ve changed,” You whispered to him and felt tempted to kiss him, to taste him. Would you taste his fear? His heartbreak? You were sure it would taste sweet.

“The torture must’ve been painful,” Loki pushed his feelings aside. Yes, he felt like his heart had been ripped to shreds, but he had to do something. He had to surprise you, even if it would hurt. Words could hurt more than actions, and if Loki wanted to survive and to help you, he needed to reach the real you even if the only way to do so was cruel.

How did he know? You narrowed your eyes and surprisingly, found yourself waiting for him to continue.

"I was trained well."

"Trained?" Loki spat out harshly, "I know you're afraid. He has promised you something worse than the pain he has inflicted on you already. It won't happen. If you let Thanos continue his reign, he will not care about your loyalty!"

"Shut up!" That was too much for you. With tears brimming your eyes from anger, you put your hand over his mouth to silence him. He didn't budge and you didn't know why.

You pushed the memories aside. The painful memories of the time Thanos first found you. It was wrong to think of it as torture. No, he had shown you what you're truly capable of. It was training. Training to become a stronger person after the hell you endured on Asgard.

But now that you found yourself thinking about it, it seemed like the memories were all blurred as if you were looking into the past through a broken lens. Someone had spilt oil all over it and the pictures were warped.

"I know you have it," You needed the tesseract. "Give it to me and then this will all be over," you removed your hand from his mouth because it looked like he wanted to speak.

Loki knew that if he’d push you, your magic could burn him, but at the moment he couldn’t come up with another plan. He couldn’t just stay on the ground as people were being killed on the other side of the wall!

"Okay," Loki blurted out. Okay?

For a moment, he had you surprised which was the perfect distraction.

Loki grabbed your wrists tightly and pushed you to the side, but not quickly enough. You released your magic and it graced the side of his face, making him growl out either in pain or frustration - or both. The two of you rolled over and this time Loki was on top, holding your arms pinned above your head. You were trapped because of one mistake. You couldn't believe Loki had used the element of surprise to turn the situation upside down.

Furiously, you tried to kick your legs free, but he had you pinned down beneath him and Loki was strong. There was no point in squirming, you had to come up with another idea.

The two of you faced each other and Loki revealed his face and the damage you had done. Your magic had burned his skin and left a bloody cut on his eyebrow. It had just barely missed his eye. If he lived, it would surely leave a scar.

You flinched when a drop of his blood hit your cheek and it rolled down the side of your face.

"What are you going to do, kill me?"

Loki could never bring himself to kill you. He wouldn't be able to live with himself with your blood on his hands. No. He had other ideas. Loki remembered what it was like to be under Thanos' control. He remembered how much it hurt to even think about the torture. He had to remind you, he had to make you see that this wasn't the real you.

"This version of you, or I certainly hope so," Loki replied mysteriously. Before you could ask him to elaborate, Loki released your wrist and slammed the palm of his hand against your forehead. In a split second, you were in a different place - in your head. You could've sworn you heard him mutter "I'm sorry," before everything turned black.

It was hot, burning hot. Metal chains were attached to you and they were glowing red. Torching. You could only scream in pain as the metal sunk into your skin, your bones, your nerves. It felt like he had chained your mind and with the tiniest movement of his finger, he could make you do his dirty work.

He, Thanos, was sitting on his throne. He was the puppet master and you the puppet. He didn't look at you fondly. No. He was smiling as he watched you cry your lungs out, letting out animalistic growls as the pain got worse. It was so overwhelming that every once in a while, you would scream until you passed out. But every time, one of his children would be there to wake you up.

It was time for another round. And another. And yet another. Would it ever end?

Each time you tried to resist the chains, the strings that were sewn onto you and connected to his fingertips, it hurt more. Eventually, you learned that allowing the strings to tighten around you made it hurt less. It almost felt good, like a long embrace after a long day.

"I don't want to hurt you, my child."

Lies. You knew that all he said were nasty lies, but sometimes it was easier to believe lies than the truth.

"Make it stop!" You would beg him. How long had you been there?

You could remember Thanos touching your face gently, which was so comforting after everything you had endured. At the same time, it made you sick. You couldn't believe that the one who had caused you distress could have such a gentle touch.

"You're ready," Thanos had realized. The Other had appeared right before you and his fingertips were pressed against one another, making him look like he was deep in thought. You had no idea what they were doing, but the next thing you knew was that you no longer felt pain.

The chains, the strings, they were all invisible. It looked like you were free, but the weight of the metal was still pressed against your skin. Had you imagined it?

No,

Deep down you knew that the strings were still attached to you, but they had only made it seem like you had a choice.

"Excellent," The Other's voice surprised you. You merely blinked and you had returned to the vessel. Loki was above you and the Other was standing right there, "You found him."

The Other used his powers to push Loki off you. Shock had made your entire body numb and you couldn't scramble up to your feet. It felt like your limbs had been turned to stone and you were anchored to the floor.

Loki got up slowly with his arms raised in surrender. He was well aware of the powers the Other had and Loki wasn't going to fight him now. If he followed you for long enough, then maybe just maybe he could come up with a plan. Loki looked at you as you finally got up. As you stood next to the Other, you couldn't believe your legs carried you. Something was so wrong. You felt sick and you couldn't shake it off. It felt like something had snapped within you, but you didn't know what.

"He is waiting for you," The Other explained as he turned to walk away, most likely to wherever Thanos was waiting.

Loki had no choice but to follow, and you walked behind, making sure he didn't try to escape.

Why did Loki make you remember that? What did he think he would obtain with making you relive something so awful? It hadn't worked, right?

There he was. Thanos was standing by a hole that had been ripped into the side of the ship. Magic was keeping it sealed so the vacuum of space wouldn't suck everyone into it. But still, the emptiness of space wasn't frightening at all compared to the titan who was standing right there.

Loki swallowed thickly as he saw him again. It had been years but he remembered everything like it had happened yesterday. Seeing Thanos standing in the middle of the piles of bodies, in the room that smelled like smoke and blood, was sickening. Thanos hadn't just killed a part of Loki. He had just slaughtered these innocent Asgardians with the help of his so-called children. He had taken you.

He will make you long for something as sweet as pain

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. They had stayed true to their threats.

"I know what it’s like to lose," Thanos turned around now that he knew Loki was there. At long last. Thanos had not forgotten what Loki had failed to do, and Thanos was a man of his words.

"To feel so desperately that you’re right yet to fail, nonetheless," Thanos continued dramatically and slowly made his way closer to Loki. He saw Thor on the ground, bloodied and weak. The brother of Loki. As tempting as the idea was to torture Thor right in front of the god of mischief, Thanos had different plans. If there was only one way Loki would ever give him the tesseract, it was going to be in order to save you. You were Loki's true weakness.

"It’s frightening. Turns the legs to jelly. I ask you, to what end?" Thanos looked Loki right in the eye. He could see that Loki was afraid, yet Loki never looked away from him. He was either too proud or fearless. Thanos had liked that about Loki initially. But he had failed Thanos greatly. It had cost him infinity stones.

"Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it’s here. Or should I say I am," Thanos finished his dramatics because it was time for action, to turn the wheels and see the bigger picture. This was the end of an era and a new beginning for a different universe. In Thanos' mind, only he could bring balance and order. He gestured for you to walk up to his side.

Too afraid of the idea of what would happen if you disobeyed, you walked right up to Thanos, feeling like a fly that was willingly flying into cobwebs. When you were close enough, you kneeled and dipped your head so he wouldn't see the worry in your eyes. It wasn't there before.

"I didn't obtain the tesseract from him, but I am sure that he has it, father," You muttered quietly. Why did you say that? There was a pounding headache growing within your skull. You didn't know what was right or wrong anymore and you couldn't fight it either.

Father

Loki clenched his jaw as he followed the situation closely. Hearing that made his blood boil. He wanted to rip Thanos apart after this. Never in a million years had he imagined this, to see you pledge your alliance to Thanos, kneeling before him and respecting him. Thanos didn't deserve that. Hell, Thanos didn't even deserve to look at you. It was wrong.

At that moment, Loki worried that his trick hadn't worked. That the memories hadn't awakened anything within you. That it was all too late now. This was the end, the one thing in life that was inevitable.

"I know, my child," Thanos let out a sigh. Then he grabbed you by your jaw like he had done before, forcing you to face him. "I know he has it," He repeated and suddenly his touch turned violent. He closed his hand around your neck tightly and you gasped for air helplessly. Your hands - tiny compared to his - grabbed his fingers and you tried to pry them apart, but he was tougher than you. Panic shot through your entire body when you realized you couldn't breathe. It turned your blood to ice and your poor heart was beating so hard you were afraid it would explode.

What was he doing?

The moment he pulled you to your feet, so high that you had to stand on the tips of your toes, he spoke, "The tesseract or her life," Thanos smiled devilishly, showing no remorse. He didn't care about you. You were a pawn in his game and if you would die at his feet, he would just walk over you and carry on.

"You choose," Thanos put the weight of the world on Loki's shoulders.

Loki wanted to rescue you from that monster, but he wasn't stupid. With all of Thanos' children surrounding him, he knew that he would be dead before he could reach you. Nonetheless, it didn't mean he wouldn't try. Seeing you clawing at Thanos' hand, fighting for something as simple as air and not getting it was heartbreaking. Loki's body was trembling with hatred and hurt. Tears blurred his vision and he struggled to keep his composure.

How had it all come to this?

The thought of Thanos with the tesseract was haunting. Soon he would have all the stones and he would destroy reality as they knew it. But Loki could live with that. He couldn't live knowing you had died when he had a chance to save you. Perhaps he was selfish for choosing you over the entire galaxy, but Loki didn't care. Nothing mattered if he would lose you again.

"Alright, stop!" Loki made up his mind. "I choose her," Finally, Thanos released his grip on you and let you fall on the cold ground. Your hands wrapped around your throat gently and you coughed painfully. It took you a while to finally breathe again, which was a huge relief for both Loki and you.

And now Loki was holding the tesseract. It was so bright that it painted the space blue. It was almost too bright to look at. The power within the stone was so strong, you could sense it like heat from the sun in spring after a long and cold winter. Loki was tempted to use the tesseract to grab you and escape, but he quickly shut those thoughts away. Thanos would follow him for the end of all days.

"You...you really are the worst, brother," Thor was following the situation to the best of his abilities. He spat out blood as he watched Loki holding the cube. It made him sad. Everything they ever knew was destroyed in the name of power, pure and raw power that the tesseract could offer. Was it worth it?

Loki glanced at Thor who was too weak to even get up. He didn't care too much about what he had to say. Then he looked at you. There you were, on the ground struggling to breathe after Thanos had crushed your windpipe. There was bruising on your skin that would only deepen with time. Time that you possibly wouldn't have after this.

He saw the tears running down your face, but you didn't sob and whimper. It seemed like you were as still as stone. You couldn't bring yourself to face Loki.

"I assure you," Loki found his voice and he addressed both you and Thor with his words, "the sun will shine on us again."

What did he mean by that?

You were ashamed to tilt your gaze to see him, to see the tesseract. The damn infinity stone had ruined it all! It was why Thanos had wrecked Loki, why he had destroyed you too. Why so many people were now dead. If you had one wish that could come true, you would wish for the tesseract to be destroyed forever.

Thanos had his back turned to you. Loki was slowly but surely making his way closer to the titan, almost like he was afraid to move but he forced his body to comply. Why? Why would he trade the tesseract for your life? It seemed like whatever spell you had been under had worn off. You were free, but it was more terrifying than being under Thanos' control under these circumstances. He didn't need you, and soon enough the vessel would be blown to bits. All of you, even Loki.

Would you be able to tell him how sorry you were?

"Your optimism is misplaced, Asgardian," Thanos wasn't fond of Loki's strange choice of words.

"Well for one thing I'm not Asgardian," Loki replied quickly. It sounded a little bit witty, which was confusing. Where did the boost of confidence come from? Was he up to something?

"And for another," He continued dramatically. This time it was Thanos' turn to be confused.

"We have a Hulk."

Everything that happened after that happened so fast that you could hardly keep up with it. Loki dropped the tesseract and he leapt toward you. Thanos barely had time to turn around when a huge, green beast appeared out of nowhere and it seemed angry. It was eager to fight the titan.

Loki had you up on your feet in no time and the two of you ran away from the immediate danger. He led you to one of the many corridors on the vessel until no one could possibly see you. They were too distracted by the Hulk to even think about Loki and you. It wasn't until he was right in front of you that you could comprehend what was going on. He was kneeling on the floor and you were sat against the wall for support. Your hands were trembling so hard, it seemed like you were freezing up and you couldn't make it stop.

Loki had tricked Thanos.

He was relieved when you didn't fight him, yet he was unsure if it meant you were no longer under Thanos' control, or if you were simply too tired to fight.

He cupped your face gently and searched for answers in your expression. Back in the day, he had been able to read you like an open book.

You put your hands around his wrists and pulled him closer. You were desperate for the comfort he could bring in the midst of the living hell you were stuck in. How did he not hate you?

"I'm s- I'm sorry," You whimpered, finally cracking like a plate that had fallen on the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Shh, it's okay," Loki couldn't possibly let you apologize for what had happened. He was possibly the one person who understood exactly what you had gone through and what it was like to follow orders from that monster. There was not an ounce of judgement to be found in his heart.

What mattered now was that you were together again. You could come up with a plan, but you had to work fast. As much as Loki wanted to hold you and comfort you, to feel that you were real, he knew there wasn't enough time for that.

"We need to get off this thing," Loki's mind was running a marathon as he tried to come up with an escape plan.

"They're gonna blow it up," You explained, feeling how bad your lips were quivering as you spoke. The moment Thanos had what he came for, they would leave and destroy everything they'd leave behind.

Shivers ran down Loki's spine as he heard that. It only confirmed that you had to act quickly. Loki wasn't sure how long the Hulk could fight Thanos. Would they be able to rescue Thor? How much time did they have?

The blood in the wound you had caused on his face was beginning to dry. It looked gnarly and all you wanted was to make it all better. Knowing that you had hurt him made you sick with guilt.

"I'm sorry, Loki. I didn't w-want to fight you," You sniffled, breaking Loki's train of thought. For the first time, he felt lost. He didn't really know what to do. Were there any escape pods left?

"I know," Loki assured you. "I know that. I was in your shoes when I was on Midgard," He explained briefly, unaware whether or not you knew of it. Had Thanos talked about him to you?

A sense of impending doom weighed you two down. If this was the end, then at least you were together, right? You and Loki against the nine realms, you would face the end together if there wasn't another way out. Whenever you had pictured your final day, you had imagined something entirely different than this. You would be old together, with hundreds of stories of your shared life. You would be surrounded by people you cared about. It would be calm, the exact opposite of this.

"I love you," You needed to tell him that. Any moment could be your last. The world would cave in and you would be gone forever.

Loki hated how much that sounded like a farewell, but at the same time, it had been so long since he had last heard those three words, let alone from you. Perhaps it was sick and twisted, but it made him smile.

"I love you too," Loki was sure of it. He had never stopped loving you and he didn't think he was even capable of that.

It seemed like you acted on instinct. You found enough strength to push yourself right against Loki. There was no hesitation in your actions as you kissed him. Loki closed his eyes when he felt your trembling lips pressed against his. Your scent, still sweet and familiar despite it all, punched its way into his lungs. He held your face gently but the kiss was passionate, almost despairing.

You wanted to scream out in agony because at last, you were reunited with Loki but not in the way you imagined. You felt like the shell of the person you were before, and now you knew for a fact that Thanos had done the exact same things to Loki. That titan had killed your souls beyond repair. But all you could do was kiss Loki and hold him and hope that he could feel how sorry you were. You didn't want to let go, afraid that if you did, it would all end. Just like that.

Loki broke the kiss, and for a moment you rested your foreheads against one another like you had done so many times before. It was comforting. You both wanted to stay close like that, but you recognised that you couldn't. Letting go of each other and getting up on your weary feet was so incredibly difficult, but it had to be done.

The world around you began to glow brighter. You quickly held onto Loki, startled as the mysterious light surrounded the two of you.

Loki held his breath as he studied the warm glimmering magic that had swallowed you. In between the bright rays of light, he saw all the colours of the rainbow. Shimmering. He saw reds and blues, yellows and greens, shining brighter than the other and it changed smoothly.

The Bifrost

He didn't know how or why, but he knew for a fact that you were in the magical portal. He couldn't see beyond it anymore. He couldn't feel the floor beneath his feet. It was like he was levitating mid-air, with you tightly in his arms.

Heimdall must've conjured the forefathers, letting their powers flow through him one last time. Where to? Loki assumed that anywhere would be better than where they had been mere seconds ago.

And it was a miracle.

A/N: I think it would've made more sense for Heimdall to send Thor or Loki to earth rather than the Hulk. So that's why I ended it like that

I'd absolutely love to hear your feedback! <3

TAGS:

Loki: @yuna-belikova @ornella0910 @castiels-majestic-wings @lucywrites02 @myraiswack @prettysbliss @weirdfangirl2416

Forever Taglist: @iraniq  @embrycallsgirl  @blackroseyaz @badass-psycho @r-alexandra01 @p3aches13 @your-pixels-are-showing @disasterren @iamsuperjenna @yuna-belikova @ornella0910 @optimisticpeacecollector5 @thehumanistsdiary @your-pixels-are-showing @klanceiscannon14 @i-have-arrived-bitch

[secret-ssociety]

Let me down pt.3

Pairing(s): Peter Parker x Reader (platonically), Reader x oc

Warnings: I mean, in my eyes this is pure fluff, but who knows if it will hurt you

Summary: Peter and May have dinner with Y/N’s family, prompting a lot of questions to get an answer.

A/N: oKAY, I know that what happened wasn’t exactly what you expected and and it has taken me so long to write this but it's finally here. I want to thank you all, I never meant for this blow up like it did or to even become a series, honestly when I wrote the first part I was just in a really bad mood and I felt like writing something sad and that came out, but then people started to ask for a second part and well the rest is history. So yeah, I actually want to write even more parts to this so let me know if you would like it. Also, I tagged everyone who asked me to write more to this, but let me know if you want to be removed from the taglist

Masterlist

part one part two

Peter couldn't help but feel like his head was spinning as he walked back home from the metro that night. Claire had sat him down in her bed for almost an hour showing off all of her Avengers stuff. She had a replica of Thor's Mjolnir (and she knew how to pronounce it, which was even more impressing), she had the Spider-Man's Uno she had mentioned (it did make him kind of emotional to see a drawing of him on the package) and she had Iron Man's full suit.

Yeah, he did his best not to cry with the last one.

Even if she hadn’t ran up to you screaming ‘mommy’, he would’ve known that she was your daughter. Claire had your hair, your eyes, your nose, even when the rest of her tiny face was more like Mark’s. The corners of her eyes wrinkled the same way yours did when you smiled and she was as energetic as you, she got lost in her own thoughts just like her you used to do.

He had been counting the seconds to be out of your house and be able to break down on the guardianship of his loneliness, but when he found himself walking down the street after dinner... he just didn't.

Peter had gone to school that day being sure that as soon as he saw you, something would be okay, and even if it hadn't gone according to the plan, he hadn't been wrong. Something was okay: you were okay. You had a career, a good job, a loving husband, a perfect daughter, a beautiful family.

You had a great life and, most importantly, you were willing to welcome him in it, so yeah, maybe things were going to be okay.

So when Claire asked him to dinner with them again at the end of the week, and you said you wanted to say hi to May, he just couldn't refuse. That's how he ended up standing in front of your house again, with May by his side this time, holding a cherry pie they had placed and decorated on a plate as if to pretend they hadn't bought it from the grocery store.

As soon as the door opened, Peter handed the dessert to May, because he was prepared for the moment Claire jumped to his arms to greet him. You smiled openly at May, trying to blink away the tears in your eyes at the sight of the woman who had given you a place to call home everytime you felt like your own house was not it.

Both Peter and Mark noticed how you tried to keep your composure when her arms wrapped you in a warm embrace.

"Sorry, I'm a mess," you muttered in apology, trying to wipe your eyes without messing up your mascara.

"You look beautiful," May corrected, making your eyes wet all over again. "It smells amazing," she said suddenly, changing the subject to give you a chance to calm down, "what are you cooking?"

"Oh, I'm not cooking," you clarified rushing them inside, Peter still carrying the little girl in his arms, "Mark is. I somehow manage to burn the water."

"You could always make PB and jelly sandwiches," Peter said with an amused smile, earning a fond laugh from your lips, as if you shared an inside joke.

Only when Mark received the pie from May's hands did Peter notice that he was wearing a purple apron over his white unbuttoned shirt, and he couldn't help the sting in his heart at how perfect he was. He kindly apologized at the fact that the meat still needed a few more minutes on the oven, because he had been held back a little longer than expected at the office.

"What's that smell?" You asked, frowning.

"Daddy, the aspargaroos!" Claire exclaimed instantly, clearly unaware of how to pronounce asparagus, as she wiggled to let Peter know she wanted to be back on the ground. The tiny human ran behind her father into the kitchen, ready to do the damage control.

You decided to grab a bottle of white wine (and another Capri Sun for Peter) while her husband and daughter tried to resolve the asparagus crisis. He tried to pay attention to the conversation the two women in front of him were maintaining, but it was like they were talking in some foreign, alien, grown up language he couldn't understand.

This time, you took a little longer to finish your glass of wine than the last bottle you had opened, which had been a week ago when Peter had showed up in your doorstep. You were trying your best to hide your excitement talking to May, but you couldn't help the profound feeling of pride that took over your chest when you saw her eyes glimmer with amazement as they explored around the living room, where the pictures and prices of all of your family's accomplishments were displayed.

Peter was the first to notice Mark come out of the kitchen with a sheepish smile, "alright, so, the asparagus isn't salvageable, er, how do you feel about KFC salad?"

That's how they found themselves sitting at the round dinner table eating steak with a mushroom sauce Claired had been the one to think about, roasted potatoes and KFC salad, because apparently the always ordered some extra salad on their takeaways and stuffed them in the fridge.

"So..." May started, eyeing the young couple nervously. "There is so much to talk about. How... you... well..."

"How did I end married and with a kid at twenty three?" You finished for her, saving a sigh to yourself although you felt your husband tense a little beside you. The more you two heard that question, the more annoying it got, even when you knew May didn't mean to offend you.

Of course you knew you were young, and that many people your age couldn't handle such commitments, you didn't need people telling you that constantly. You had heard the same discourse from teachers, employers, even neighbors you had never talked to, it quickly got old and you tried not to become aggressive everytime you heard it.

Mark and you had a happy, healthy marriage, with a wonderful daughter that had brought light into a world as dark as yours was since the blip. You had good jobs that allowed you to have a stable economy and also take care of your family. You were happy, what else mattered? If you wanted opinions or needed help, you would certainly ask for it.

You never once had.

Still, you responded kindly, "well, we met in college, Princeton," you mentioned, earning two proud looks from your guests. "We were in different programs, so we met specifically through a praying group."

"That had never really been my thing," Mark picked up, "praying and all that God related talk bored me, but most of family and friends had been blipped... I was lonely. So I thought maybe I should give it a try."

"I honestly thought he had gone for the food, because when the meeting was over he looked like he hadn't understood a single word."

"Because I hadn't."

"A friend and I decided to come and talk to him, but after she left we hung out a little longer," you tried to hide the cheesy smile that took over your lips, but you looked over at Mark, who hasn't trying to hid his, and couldn't. "I don't know how to explain it, something about that moment just felt" you shrugged shyly "right."

The memories of you staying on the library, hiding behind the stacks of books so that no one would notice you trying to stay inside after it closed and talking the whole night long never failed to raise goosebumps along your skin. He would offer to read for you when your eyes got tired of working with the dim light that entered through the window, even when he was a law major and didn't understand a single word on the neuroscience and robotic books you were always studying.

It was soon after getting to know him, you just knew Mark had been made for you. There was something in the way you could see in his eyes that crowds freaked him out and that he tried not to cry after talking to his mom in the phone, something in the way he understood your whimpers in the days where anything above a mutter was just too much, that you knew this awkwardly tall curious guy was meant to cross your path.

"Things moved pretty fast after that," you continued, hoping you hadn't zoomed out for too long, "like 'we got married eight months after' fast."

May did her best to hide her surprise, while Peter choked on the salad. Was listening to your loving tone as you told the story easy? No, not at all. He wanted to throw up. Peter was still hopelessly in love with you, even when you were now five years older, even when you had a husband and a child, even when it was ridiculous and impossible, because for him it hadn't been years, it just had been months.

"Claire came soon after that," Mark concluded after pouring some more juice on Peter's glass and asking him if he was okay. "And all of this happened throughout college?"

"We had a really good support system," he nodded, smiling down at Claire, who had made a mess over her chicken sandwich. "A really good amount of friends willing to babysit whenever we had to work, understanding teachers who let us bring Claire to our lectures. My mom and Y/N's parents were also a great help."

"We were both on scholarships that gave us some allowances to support ourselves each month, too," you added. "It wasn't much, but it helped."

"And what are you working on now?" May switched to a conversation that would probably be easier on her nephew.

"Well, Mark is an associate on a buffet in Manhattan," you said grabbing your husband's hand. "What's your approach?" Peter asked, somewhat genuinely curious.

"Environmental law," he replied proudly.

"And I-"

"Mommy builds robot limbs!" Claire exclaimed excitedly, prompting a laugh on the others.

"Before I graduated, I got a job as lab assistant on a research for neuro prosthetics," you explained, "and after graduating, they hired me as researcher. Basically what we're trying to do is to create a non-invasive implant we can connect to the brain and spinal cord that controls robotic prosthetics for people who have lost limbs or return movement to paralyzed body sections."

Peter's skin prickled at the description of the research, for it was one he had known before it all went crumbling down. A memory flashed through his eyes, Tony helping his friend walk after he had been injured in Germany, on his first mission.

"That's..."

"A Stark Industries' research, yes," you nodded solemnly.

"Y/N told me you had an internship with Tony Stark before... it all happened," Mark commented carefully. Peter's head practically snapped in his direction, then, more subtly, in yours. You shook head slightly, almost imperceptibly, but clearly enough to let Peter know you hadn't told his secret.

"You met Tony Stark?" Claire asked him with a bright light in her eyes, one that Peter had seen thousands of times on other kids that, very much like himself, dreamt every night of robots and technologies that could change the world.

"Yes."

"How was he?"

Peter thought for a few seconds about his answer. What was Tony Stark? He was charming, sure, but he wasn't exactly friendly. He was a genius, yet he had never let that cloud his judgement. He had trouble expressing himself, but he always made sure the people around knew how much they meant to him. Suddenly Peter understood why Shakespeare was always making up words, there were just some things, some people, the english language wasn't extensive enough to describe, so he said the best he could come up with.

"He was the most amazing guy I ever met."

You smiled down at your nearly empty plate, it was impossible to forget how much had mr. Stark meant for Peter. Even when you guys broke up and cut off all communication, you still prayed for him to always be under the wing of his mentor. You couldn’t imagen what it was like for Peter to live in a world where Tony Stark was no longer there to help him walk through life.

Hopefully, you would be able to do that in his absence.

taglist: @eridanuswave @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @lovely-geek @princessdancingonthesunshine​ @marvel4geeks​ @hedwigprewett12​ @dummiesshort​ @alyssasanchezz14​ @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme​

[broadwayandnetflix]

Home - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety/Panic Attack like scenario.

Theme: Angst and some slight fluff

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: The reader, an empath, gains the responsibility of retrieving Bucky for Steve, and begins to get to know him more. Until one night, things take a dramatic turn between the two. 

A/N: Oops, so I wrote this months ago and quickly forgot about not going to lie. I hope that you enjoy it though! A little treat in preparation for Endgame this Friday!

The wind pricked at your cheeks while peppering ghostly kisses upon your lips. It’s frigid howls screaming in your ears, making you shudder as a result.

He stood in front of you, distant and cold as the climate around you. Steve had spoken vividly of whom he used to be, reminisced of the man he had once been. A man who didn’t seem to meet the same description, not now at least.

“Where will you be taking me?” he muttered without a trace of emotion.

You blinked, swallowing slowly before glancing back to the awaiting quinjet. The hum of the ship catching your attention, the promise of its warmth just at your fingertips.

“New York City, Stark Tower,” you responded hastily, focusing your gaze back on him.

His eyes concentrated intently on anywhere else but you, for a second you could’ve sworn you almost saw him smirk.

“Name sounds eerily familiar ma’am.” he huffed, a pocket of air escaping his lips.

“Call me Y/N, if you would like, consider me if you will see as an acquaintance.” you offered before turning on your heel to face the ship.

“Ready Barnes?”

He only nodded, following you closely behind.

-

“Gramps is getting pretty nervous over here,” Tony admitted into your earpiece, startling you from your thoughts.

Quickly you turned the ship’s control panel to autopilot, before turning around to see what Bucky was up to.

Tight up in a ball he was, residing deeply in thought on the other side of the ship. His fingertips twiddling anxiously to and fro.

“I don’t blame him, Tony, for the longest time he thought that he had lost him,” you responded quietly.

Still eyeing Bucky with a curious gaze, you subconsciously focused on his arm, watching in awe.

From the shifting sides to the metallic hue that adorned the room from side to side, how the light bounced around the room whenever he shifted his body. It radiated whom he had become, a pawn in Hydra’s chess game of destruction.

It wasn’t a symbol of pride or accomplishment, it was one of trauma and pain, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit of respect for the guy to grow within you. After all, he had been through so much, in quite a lengthy time.

“-it’s the best you could do Y/N.” Tony finished his sentence now very distant from your train of thought.

“Sorry Ton, I-“ you exclaimed only to be stopped by two eyes piercing right back at you.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you that it’s impolite to stare?” Bucky retorted bitterly, eyeing you up and down.

“Y/N, what’s going on?” Tony asked.

“Nothing, I’m sorry.” you rambled to each of them.

“I am not your pity case, I am here for one person and one person only, and that person isn’t you the last time I checked,” Bucky hissed before stalking off to another room in the ship.

You gulped, your body now uncomfortably overheated and clammy, embarrassment flooding over your senses.

You were right, Steve made a mistake of choosing you to bring Bucky back to him. He should have never trusted you to carry out this mission alone with a man you barely knew.

In all honesty, you couldn’t even begin to understand prior as to why he chose you. For you weren’t entirely accustomed to associating with harsh peers.

Handling your emotions well had never been your strong suit, you often tended to leave situations and confrontations with a messy judgment. As it was, well your power and weapon that you could wield towards others.

You were an empath, with just one simple touch or graze of another’s skin you could feel everything. Emotions to memories, anything strong enough that could resonate within someone, you could pick up on it.

Being an empath has given you many strengths, but it often became a weakness for you. Making you sensitive and heavily prone to react to situations in a erupt emotional passion.

“Y/N?” Tony tried again. “What just happened over there?” he asked, puzzled by Bucky’s surely muffled outburst.

You exhaled shakily, licking your lips. “Nothing I can’t handle Tony, we’re about three hours away from the tower,” you replied, stifling a yawn.

“Yeah, we see the quinjet on the monitor, travel safely, rest if necessary,” Tony recommended before signaling off for a while.

Sleep did sound good right now, and the rest was nothing FRIDAY couldn’t take care of. So with almost an invitation by Stark, you closed your eyes and dozed off.

-

You awoke to a slight nudge in your side, causing you to startle in your seat. Your eyes blinking open furiously, adjusting to the light and your surroundings.

Relief present once you realized who woke you up, his stature that loomed over yours was slightly unnerving but familiar.

“We’re ten minutes from the tower,” Bucky announced coarsely.

“Thanks.” you adjusted in the pilot chair and flicked off autopilot. Your mind going over what had occurred between the two of you not too long ago.

“How do you know Steve?” he asked abruptly.

Caught off guard you couldn’t help but smile, you and Steve had always been close. In a sibling, overprotective way, always cracking jokes and looking out for each other.

With your powers, you could understand things that other’s couldn’t, experience what he couldn’t express vocally. It allowed you to trust each other in a much more profound way.

So maybe quite possibly that’s why he chose you to retrieve Bucky. You technically already knew quite a lot about him and Bucky during the war. Yet, Bucky didn’t know that, not yet.

“Hm, I met him on a team called the Avengers, we help save people in need, and try to keep New York City intact,” you stated calmly.

He merely nodded not saying anything else.

“Steve’s like my older brother, we protect each other. I’ve known him since he came out of the ice, he’s quite the stubborn man...which you probably already know.” you reminisced.

Bucky smiled at that, taking a seat alongside you but still keeping his distance.

“Little punk, always getting into trouble.” he trailed off thoughtfully.

“I mean it’s just so hard to imagine a smaller Steve Rogers, compared to now!” you exclaimed.

Letting out a quick guffaw, he smirked at you.

“Believe it, ma’am,” he caught himself and stared blankly at you. “Y/N,”

“Mhm, no worries.” smiling you focused your attention back to the front of the ship. The tower now in sight, you spoke into your comm.

“Ton, we’re here now,” and with that signal the tower launch pad opened, guiding the two of you into the building.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him tense up. His shoulders raised uncomfortably and anxiety creeping throughout him.

“I can assure you that everyone in that tower is welcoming Barnes. If you ever need anything, I’m here and so is Steve,” you assured quickly.

With a swift nod, he stood up ready to leave before looking back at you.

“Call me Bucky.”

-

The next few weeks went by swiftly, Bucky reunited with Steve and they hit it off quickly. It was kinda sweet seeing the two of them so happy. Steve had never truly looked as complete as he did these last few days.

Bucky still hesitant kept his distance from the team, but you could always admire and appreciate his efforts.

Either from sitting at the dinner table to participating in team activities like movie nights.

This night, in particular, was no different, curling up alongside Steve you watched as Tony placed a disk in the player.

“What are we watching tonight?” a quiet voice called out from behind the couches.

Like clockwork, everyone turned to see Bucky standing afoot from the living room, curiously peering in.

“Star Wars,” Tony announced, gesturing for him to join the rest of the group.

Slowly but surely Bucky made his way over, stopping at your couch. A shy smile fell across his face as he eyed the spot next to you.

“Can I?” he began.

“Of course Bucky,” you exclaimed giving him some extra space.

He sat awkwardly beside you, and you couldn’t help but grin at him. Looking up towards Steve you were met with the same exact expression.

It wasn’t until halfway through the movie when Bucky became more comfortable, his left leg brushing up alongside yours. When it fully hit you for the first time.

Torture, fear, anxiety, regret, shame, and loneliness. All piling towards you in one tangled, chipped, and battered mess, your powers sending your body into one long drawn out shock.

“Woah, Woah Y/N what’s wrong?” Steve jerked out of his seat taking note of your figure.

Your hair up in all directions, your fingers staticky at the touch, while your eyes were now and widened in fear.

With a quick glance in his direction, you began to shake unexpectedly. Bucky’s eyes tracing over yours in a frightened manner.

Everyone in the room stared at you in awe, unaware as to what just happened. Except all you could see was a pain, hear the torture and longing. His past shouted at you, and it was unbearable, devasting you entirely.

“I gotta...I gotta go,” you whispered before bolting out of the room.

Running as quick as your legs could carry you, you entered your room collapsing at the edge of your bed.

Sobbing uncontrollably, you let it all out not caring who heard you. Gripping your bedsheets, reaching for anything you could feel that radiated warmth and comfort.

Unaware of Steve crouching beside you, pulling you into a reassuring hug. Fading away whatever emotions of Bucky’s that you had left, and filling your heart with warmth and concern.

Steve’s hand slowly lifting up to wipe away your stray tears. Only Steve had truly experienced seeing you like this, with him but not as extreme as today.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have, I won’t do, I’m so...” Bucky choked out anxiously, catching your attention.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault,” you whispered standing up to face him.

Ignoring his reluctance to stand near you, you gestured to take his hand, waiting for his approval.

When he agreed, you held onto him tightly. Meeting his eyes with an awkward smile, embarrassment practically draped over you like a cloak.

“I’m an empath, and I tend to have extreme reactions to another’s touch. Always for the first time really, besides that like right now, I can control it. I should’ve told you sooner, I really wish you didn’t have to see me like that.” you trailed off nervously.

“Did you...did you see everything?” he ventured softly.

You nodded.

His fingers began to trace over yours, his metal hand cool and smooth to the touch. It felt right, and the sensation flowed rhythmically throughout your body.

A hum of content escaped you as you gestured him back to the bed. Steve stood in utter shock at what was occurring in front of him.

“Should I go?” he asked perplexedly, his eyebrows slightly raised.

Bucky wordlessly sent him off before looking back you.

“Are you okay with that?” you wondered aloud breaking the silence between you two.

Bucky began to look somewhat puzzled at that, and you cleared your throat.

“Okay with me knowing everything,” you replied cautiously.

You noticed how he shifted at that, sheltered and uncomfortable once more. Regret prickling through your fingertips.

“I will be I guess, but still you witnessed everything why are you still here? And the whole thing on the ship, I’m so sorry I yelled at you like that,” he rambled off, his words blurry and quick.

“You are not a monster, and no one here thinks you are. I don’t either, and all of those years of violence and hatred, it wasn’t you, and it never will be,” you said with intensity.

“Not to mention, you had a point, and I crossed a line. I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry I never apologized to you,” you added quickly.

He agreed thoughtfully at that, uncertainty still appearing on his face, but you’d work on that with him.

“I don’t know why Y/N but with you, I just feel calmer and lighter,” he admitted shyly.

Nodding in agreement you gave him a soft smile, admiring his features and everything that make him, him. Timidly but with care, you slowly reached out to intertwine your hands within his. Warmth with a hint of anxiety flooding over you allowing you to meet his eyes, giving him a soft smile. 

From his long locks to the slight crinkles around his worn out eyes. Or the way his lips still looked as young as they did so very long ago. They all contrasted against each other, creating the very man in front of you.

In all honesty, you don’t know what will happen between you two down the road. Or the man he will become, and maybe that’s a good thing. Perhaps not knowing what to expect is exactly what you need, just getting to know him suits you just fine now.

“Me too Bucky, me too.”

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Sideline Dad”

Written by: Jake Goldman

Written & Storyboarded by: Kyle Neswald, Jaydeep Hasrajani

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Yeah, it should have been left on the sidelines.

Our episode begins with Blossom's head in the cosmos, talking about how soccer is the epitome of the cosmic dance that is sports. That is a near-direct quote, as this scene tries to look and sound way more profound that it actually is.

Blossom: What makes soccer so great is its simplicity! One ball! Two teams! No hands!

Well, except for the goalie, but I can see what she was going with. If you're expecting this to be Blossom trying to convince Buttercup that soccer isn't lame, don't. Unlike other superhero-related reboots, they don't really take any pot-shots against soccer, not even from people who are in the wrong. Pretty surprisingly for an American cartoon. Since this is a "girl power" show, it might be due to how good the US women's soccer team is, though no obvious connection is made. Before Blossom can get even more philosophical, Buttercup tells her to kick the ball already!

The Powerpuff Girls are playing this soccer match with some of the other kids at Townsville Elementary against another team from Citysville, playing this entire game on foot. I always thought that this looked awkward with their designs, but at least there's a decent excuse: they are just trying to be fair by not using their superpowers when nobody else can use them.

Oh yeah, another team! Right off the bat, this sports episode does one thing right compared to another sports episode from this reboot: the other teams actually exist. It is not like Derby Dollies where the other teams that are not made up of evil robots were never shown. They even have names; here, the Townsville Turtles are competing against the Citysville Capybaras. Why are Townsville's team called the Turtles? Not to insult the mighty turtle, but I don't think they're referring to any kind of turtle that knows Ninjutsu. There's no indication that this team is terrible, and they really shouldn't be when they have three kids who have ultra-super-powers.

Well, maybe victory would not be that guaranteed, considering Bubbles likes to play tea parties with Octi in the middle of a game! Oh, that silly blonde and her complete ignorance of everything around her! Not that Blossom pondering about soccer's place in the world of sports is that much better, either. Once again, it looks like Buttercup is the most competent member of the trio, whether it be in crime-fighting or sports.

Bubbles does manage to get her head back in the game before any goal for the Citysville team could happen. She kicks the ball away so hard that, from her goalie position, she kicked it right into the other goalie's, causing the net to explode. So much for the "not using their superpowers" theory, but not that I'm complaining.

While everyone celebrates with their children in tow, including one of the Cabybaras for some reason, the Puffs fly up to their loving father figure to ask him if he saw them do so well. Unfortunately, their father figure was too busy reading a book. See, because he's not a jock, he's a man of science. This is going to be a Professor-focused episode, and it would be a good sign for this episode if I continued to call him that. Unfortunately, the rest of the episode will make that very hard for me.

The Professor also asks if it's time to go, and since it looked like everyone was leaving, I just assumed yes. I get that this is him not having any interest in the game to the point where he just wants to go, but all of this combined with the celebration scene leads to some confusion in the next scene.

That next scene is set at Penguin Pete's, where the Professor treats them to pizza. I thought Penguin Pete's was an ice cream shop, since penguins are normally associated with cold weather, but I guess they serve nice and hot pizza, too. Either that, or they just wanted to use backgrounds they already made. The Professor tries to act like he paid any attention to this important game, and the Puffs immediately see through their Sitcom Dad's attempts at that.

Sitcom Dad: Wow, you really showed them what for!

Blossom: We lost by three.

Maybe it wasn't the end of the game, because it looked like everyone on the Turtles were celebrating their big win at the end. It feels like a bit of a whiplash, but it is possible we're supposed to see this from Sitcom Dad's point of view. Buttercup decides to ask her clueless father figure that the hard-hitting question that she knows that he will not be able to answer: what was his favorite part of the game?

We cut to the insides of the Sitcom Dad's brain, which is piloted by tiny versions of Sitcom Dad. It is certainly not Herman's Head or Inside Out; it's more like that terrible movie where a bunch of tiny people are piloting a robotic Eddie Murphy. With all of the brainpower of at least four Sitcom Dads, he ends up saying that the game was very outdoors.

While apparently staring at his children while they sleep, Sitcom Dad laments that he couldn't properly cheer for his kid's sports game. He has a reason for it, and it would be a good reason.

Sitcom Dad: But I just never got into sports...

Yes, he never got into sports, which makes perfect sense considering in Hustlecup, he was shown to be some sort of basketball prodigy. To be fair, if any episode's canon deserves to be thrown in a fire, it's that one. I kind of stopped giving them the benefit of the doubt with that, though. One second after that bombshell line, we get this one!

Sitcom Dad: I don't know the first thing about this "sock-air".

He was able to pronounce the word "soccer" at least one time before this, but now, poor Sitcom Dad is too dim-witted to pronounce words correctly. He couldn't even be consistently wrong!

We get a sports-related montage of him studying this "sock-air", right down to a "Gonna Fly Now" parody playing over it. Even though I called him Sitcom Dad, they do get that he's a science guy, as he uses robotic legs, holograms, and augmented reality stock images. In the middle of it, the music stops as he takes the time to read about Soccer 101. It’s a bit awkward, but I get it.

After that montage, we cut to the next game. The Mayor has decided to become a sports commentator, because he clearly has nothing better to do. It's not like there's any monster attacks happening any time soon! If only there was an assistant that would take over his job, but I guess that wasn't fitting of the messages. Unfortunately, the Powerpuff Girls do not share his excitement, all because of the knowledge that their dad is ignoring them.

The Mayor: Will Bubbles be able to block the shot, or will she just stand there, looking sad?

Having seen their fights, the latter should be an easy assumption, even if he doesn't know they were sad because their father would rather study science than cheer for his kids. That's not a bad description of the usual Reboot Puff strategy, in fact.

That training really paid off, as Sitcom Dad is actually really into this. He even got jersey with the first three digits of pi on it! It's a little more clever than, "oh, it's the science guy", as the Townsville Turtles logo actually looks like the pi symbol. Probably unintended, but still. He wants everyone to do the wa-ve! I'm pretty sure the Professor would know how to pronounce that.

Blossom and Buttercup are in complete disbelief over this, and Buttercup makes a quip about how it could be the Professor's escaped evil clone. That line could have worked by itself as a joke, but they decide to take this way further.

Sitcom Dad's "Evil Clone": Hahahaha! The plot thickens! Hahahaha!

It looks like another uphill roller coaster, as we get this running gag where an evil twin of Sitcom Dad, complete with the twirly mustache. is evilly laughing. Every time, he's in some sort of garbage disposal. Only one episode later, and I can still continue my "they sure love throwing their characters in the garbage" joke.

Thanks to seeing their father cheer for them, Bubbles wakes up from her bout of sadness and kicks the ball to Blossom, who kicks it to Buttercup, who then kicks it right into the goalie's stomach. This time, it's not the net that explodes.

Instead, it seems to be the kid that explodes. I sort of laughed at this, and then wondered if I really should have. This leads to another montage of the Townsville Turtles winning game after game, mostly just the Puffs making goals. Regular, not exploding goals, that is. Maybe they needed to balance the ridiculousness of the Puff's goals with how ridiculous Sitcom Dad looks.

He even colors his face and his far-more-muscular-than-it-should-be chest in the PPG 2016 colors. Don't worry, this doesn't become a thing. However, if he's trying to show his team spirit, why not color himself in the colors of the team? It makes sense that Sitcom Dad would put his children over anyone else, but it makes sense even if he wasn't their father; it's not like anyone else is doing anything of worth. Turns out, that's part of the plot.

As the Powerpuff Girls are celebrating their winning streak along with their super-dad/super-fan, Coach Darby, or Coach Dorby as the Professor calls her in a probably unintended continuation of the "Sitcom Dad can't pronounce anything" gag, shows up. She's here to tell Blossom that Candice should start the next game. Why? Other than Blossom's tendency to get her head stuck in the cosmos, this is just here to give Sitcom Dad a reason to go bananas. Also, who is Candice?

Sitcom Dad isn't going to take that, and starts raising a fuss about it. Because of that, Coach Darby decides someone is going to leave the team...herself. Okay? The Powerpuff Girls immediately fret, because the championship game is in two days, and they don't have a coach anymore! This gives Sitcom Dad an idea, and, oh boy.

Sitcom Dad becomes the new coach, and he has a training regimen that seems to be made more for people with superpowers than ordinary mortals. He replaced all of the soccer balls with boulders to improve the kid's kicking strength, made kids run across a lava pit with soccer balls and the apparent lack of convection protecting them from being burnt to a crisp to improve their hustle, and even got a lion to chase Robin! Why?

Coach Dad: She knows why.

Outside of the rule of three, that last one just seemed like the Professor being cartoonishly evil for no reason even more than the other two. Maybe it would make more sense if the lion was chasing whoever this Candice was, since her replacing Blossom was what caused this coach switch to happen in the first place. Since it's just another kid that at least we know is not Candice, it just seems random. Speaking of cartoonishly evil...

Sitcom Dad's "Evil Clone": And they say I'm the evil one!

No, nobody did. If anything, this could be the real Professor looking at Sitcom Dad's apparent new villainy. I have a reason to believe this, just wait and see.

He does have an explanation for the other two, at least. Bubbles flies up to the Professor and tells him that this kind of training is way too hard for ordinary mortals, but Coach Dad doesn't budge. He also decided to replace the referee with something that would make the championship match completely fair...

...the Robo-Ref 9000! It has impeccable vision, it can make cappuccinos, and it has ways of dealing with horseplay. This is shown by it punishing a random kid playfully chasing Robin with eye lasers. See, it's funny because children are getting hurt. But wait, what did that kid say?

Random Kid: I'll go get you, Candice!

Oh, that's Candice? Could have fooled me, because, and I know I don't have a screenshot here, but it's clearly Robin Snyder getting chased. Maybe Robin has a evil twin of her own, or maybe it's a mistake. If it is a mistake, the unthinkable, I know, what's worse is that Bubbles called her Robin in that previous lion chase scene! Forget Sitcom Dad, even the show couldn't be consistently wrong!

Bubbles, this episode's designated complainer that is right, tells Sitcom Dad that he's taking the fun out of the game.

Insert another Meet Sitcom Dad joke, where he doesn't know the meaning of the word "fun", and thinks it must be some sort of food! Okay, there's a little more to this cutaway gag than just being unnecessary: it's to show that all of this soccer knowledge has replaced his knowledge of anything else. My mistake, it's not Meet Dave, it's that gag from Spongebob's Squilliam Returns! Finally had to steal something that wasn't the explosions, I guess.

It's the big game, against what seems to be the Citysville Capybaras again judging by the Cs on their shirt. Unfortunately, despite bringing his own coach, the robot actually calls a fair game, letting the Capybaras get goals, and giving the Turtles justified fouls.

For example, the robot gives Blossom a yellow card for being off-sides. It doesn't look like she's off-sides, but Blossom goes with it anyway. Who doesn't go with it?

Coach Dad, of course. He isn't too happy about any of this, as his face contorts in a way that's still on-model. They actually avoid doing any weird face gags in this episode with one exception, and while this does give us quite a few shots of the Professor making some questionable faces, it could been worse. The Robo-Ref eventually gives the coach a yellow card of his own, which he takes quite well.

Robo-Ref 9000: Yellow card. You must calm down.

Coach Dad: Calm? I'll show you calm! (flips the Mayor's table)

Elderly Lady: Wow, that guy's out of control!

Oh, really! He just seems like an upstanding member to society! Eventually, he throws a chair, which lightly bumps the Robo-Ref 9000...

...and he succumbs to Rampancy, deciding to use this Red Card worthy foul as an excuse to disobey the First Law of Robotics and just start zapping randomly. One of the lasers hits the bleachers right after everyone runs away. Another one of the lasers is heading towards the Reboot Puffs, and...

...surprisingly, the Powerpuff Girls manage to not just stand in one place and be sad for once. Aw, I was hoping to say that this repeats the oddity from Trouble Clef where the people of Townsville are better dodgers than the Puffs. It turns out that this episode has its own oddities.

They tell their clueless father figure that they'll take care of it, thankfully not like the way Bubbles said it in the previous episode. The Reboot Puffs do what they do best, and they do it very well.

That is, they seem to be the best at getting Monster Punch, Girls Downed. I do like the variety of ways he does it, using all of his different features, like using. It does feel a bit inconsistent with the way the shots are done, though. Blossom's in particular sticks out like a sore thumb.

The Powerpuff Girls eventually ask how he got this robot. I would think he built it, because he's supposed to be the Professor. He's makes robots, whether it be Schedule-Bot, or the Dynamo from the original. However, they decide to go in a different and kind of interesting direction. No, he didn't make the robot...

...the evil dumpster-dwelling clone did! If there's one other positive I can say about this joke, it's that at least this Evil Sitcom Dad joke isn't just another uphill roller coaster, as it actually ties into the plot. It's canon now; he has an evil twin.

Then again, I'm seeing one Professor that makes robots, and there's one Professor that's apparently controlled by tiny versions of himself that forces kids to jump over lava pits and have lions chasing girls with indeterminate names. Who is really the evil clone here?

Sitcom Dad does get an idea thanks to the little people in his head: start cheering for the girls. This gives the girls the strength they need to come up with this plan: since the Referee has to keep his eye on the ball, they quickly pass it between each other. This ends up confusing the robot to the point where he explodes! Wait, wasn't he going to explode anyway? Whatever.

Despite the giant crater on the ground, they still go through with the game anyway. I guess there's a bit of humor in how nobody really seems to care, but it just feels like it's rushed. Just like this ending, where, in a little bit of a bookend, this other dad gives Sitcom Dad a suggestion.

Other Dad: If your kids love soccer, they'd love hockey!

Sitcom Dad: Hawkeye?

Yeah, trying to channel the MCU is not going to work. We end this episode on another Meet Dave/Spongebob reference, as the little men in his head continue to panic, as they apparently did since the beginning of Mr. Dad's existence.

Does the title fit?

Sideline Dad kind of reminds me of Sitcom Dad.

How does it stack up?

I'm kind of in the middle with this one. On one hand, it's a Sitcom Dad episode, and while it's not anywhere near the worst he's ever been, I wouldn't consider "not knowing what a sock-air is" a good look for him. I couldn’t get into this one that much, but it could have been a lot worse.

That's it for Season 3! Next time on the reboot...

...wait, is this it? Is this the end? Granted, this show is not officially cancelled, but as far as I can tell, there's nothing suggesting that anything is in the works, or if there's any more episodes. No finale, no big villain team-up, no virus robots, no nothing. From what I can tell, this series may have ended with this bland soccer episode. I can't say it wouldn't be fitting for the reboot to end abruptly, as most episodes tend to end abruptly!

I'll say one thing: even if this is the end, beautiful friends, it's not the end of Fly Pow Bye's experiment. Next Saturday, we're going to end this experiment with a final stack up. See you.

← The Oct-Father ☆ The Final Stack Up (The Worst) →

[madamrogersstorytelling]

Fan Fiction Ask Game

@suchatinyinfinity tagged me some time ago, and since I really couldn’t decide which ones to answer to, I took all of them! Yes, I really did. Worry about me... This is going to be a long post, so I’m putting everything under the cut and tagging some of my fellow writers at the bottom. I also am going to answer with all of my fics and not only one of them, that way you can get more perspective. 

Thank you for reading!

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

I’m not going to answer about how I named one fic, I’m telling how I usually name my fics. Most of them get their titles if I listen to a song and it has a nice name or a line, sometimes I read quotes or just think of a word and taste it for long enough to decide could it be the title. Sometimes I read the piece before naming it and decide a line it has as a title; this can be seen in most of my drabbles. The title can be found. With my current series Aura, Of New Beginnings, You, Dark Passion Play and I’ll Make a Man Out of You; they either got their titles from the names of the characters, aspects of the story or songs. 

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Actually, You. Not all of it, but most of the first chapter is. I took some artistic freedoms to describe some things but it indeed is inspired by my very shitty day during last December. Some of my friends know about this, it was horrible. But the young man at the stoplights (who looked really different from Ben but still) still inspires me very much.

C: What member do you identify with most?

Member... This question confuses me, all in all. I identify with a lot of things and can really tell you as soon as someone tells me what kind of a member this question is searching for haha. 

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

I don’t really do playlist for my stories, I listen to whatever I feel like. Sometimes I want to listen to one specific song during one scene. It really depends. 

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

I’m bad at sequels. And most of my fics are not even ready, aka they’re series that will go on and on. But! One fic that possibly could have a sequel one day is Irresistible. It’s one of my favorite pieces of my own fics and it would be fun to see did the reader really catch him or not ;)

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“The knife?”

“That was Reep…”

“The apples?”

“No, I didn’t touch your apples…”

“Someone ate them while I was picking up those flowers I gave you.”

Caspian shook his head, still humming his laughs.

“Apples don’t walk away, Caspian!”

He showed you his hands as if he was surrendering. “Maybe not, but it wasn’t me.”

You pouted. “If you have to say it, you’re not telling the truth.”

“Maybe you didn’t have any apples with you on that day? I don’t remember seeing any.”

“Yeah, because you ate all of them. I was away for ten minutes!”

“Okay, I just might have eaten one…”

King of Thieves, Caspian/Reader

I think this is really sweet. I had so much fun writing this and it can really be seen, I think. I’ve always struggled with real-like dialogue, as I’ve told countless times before, but I think that with this drabble, it became quite real after all.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

It depends, really. I usually write from start to finish but if I suddenly get a scene in my head, I write it down. It’s easier for me to write from start to finish, that way I can stay on track and don’t lose the balance of what I’m doing. 

H: How would you describe your style?

Someone once said I have noticeable style, something that is... part of me. I guess I like descriptions? I use a lot of adjectives and different kind of sentences; long and short, both to describe and rhythm the story a little. I also like beautiful words very much haha. My style may be a bit dreamy and I like to go slowly more than quickly. Sometimes I speed things up a little, only to tell the more meaningful parts but all in all, I think I describe more than use dialogue. 

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Haha! I truly do have! Especially in writing. I love to use quotes and song lyrics in my stories as dialogues, parts of them. It’s really funny for some reason. When I read, I don’t think do I actually have a guilty pleasure. Hmm... I don’t think I have?

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

Goodness! Well, ok, let’s take Irresistible again...

Billy either left without leaving a single note or... Maybe he didn’t leave at all? I almost wrote that he stayed but... Then I thought of the note and I let that come to the story. Well, we can always play ;)

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Something that had to do with Billy having to kill the reader either because the death was inevitable or because he had been told to. I’ve tried to think of this but as I have felt a bit bad myself, writing angst hasn’t really been on the top of my mind right now. Maybe one day?

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Sometimes more and sometimes less. I often read it twice; once right after reading and then I let it be for a moment, I got to eat or take a shower or play with my cat for a while and then come back to read it. You kind of become blind to your own text; I still have typos, I’m not saying that but it’s easier to see everything that needs to be corrected or revised before posting. Once or twice, usually.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Not more than I will never probably get it done because I keep getting stuck haha!

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Not at the moment. Even though, I always love to see people writing something I’ve talked about with them.

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

The plot, usually. The characters come with it. While writing fanfiction, I kind of have some characters “ready to use”. The reader creates itself. I try to describe them as little as I can, so everyone can relate to them, which is why I go with the plot and not with the characters. But with something like Aura I try to get the plot with the character or the other way around. 

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

I’m more like “one rose is my whole garden” type of person. I make some plans and write down some important plot points but for me, planning the whole thing from chapter to chapter and all the way to the ending kind of means it’s written already. Then I don’t even write it. So, I try not to let my ideas die with something like this but every time I get some important plot points in mind, I write them down because I’d forget them otherwise.

Q: How do you feel about collaborations?

I have nothing against them. Collabs are just fine. Although, they can get a bit hard, can’t they? You need to have very profound talks about what you want to write and what should happen and all. It can get stressful. But it would also be very interesting thing to write! I’ve actually talked about one of these with one person once. 

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Sure. And I think that to be a writer, you have to have influences. You know what I mean? To see different ways to do some things and how the person X does this thing - but the person Y does it differently, so I’ll do it like this. You know what I mean? 

The people I’m going to tag (also the one that tagged me) all have some kind of influence on me, in good. 

My favorite writers, I’ve tried to learn something from them. Stephen King, Marcus Zusak, Joël Dicker, Tolkien, Rowling, Lewis, Wynne-Jones, all of them. 

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

I’m not good at this trope thing anyway, I think. I don’t even think about them too much. But, you know, I just opened a list and I definitely can say that there are some I reallyreallyreally like hahah!

Shapeshifting is always nice, all kinds of AUs are really close to my heart, crossovers are fun, timetravel, fix-it is my go to... I have quite a lot of these!

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

Hmmmpf... I don’t like to say I don’t stand something, these are just things I’m not exactly a fan of.

I’ve always been bad at anything that has to do with comedy (I’ve only recently learned to live and watch comedy films, I used to hate them a few years back), so maybe... crackfics? Ok, good crack makes me cry my eyes out because I’m laughing so much but it’s pretty hard trope for me. 

I’m also either so decent (or at least try to think I am, which is a lie, I’m far from it haahah) or old-fashioned that I’m very bad at PWP as well.  

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@padfootagain she writes so good fluff! You can always trust that whatever she writes will cheer you up - and I often read her fics if I feel a bit down. She’s also one of my closest friends.

@something-tofightfor I love her way to tell the stories, her characters. I enjoy her style a lot. And she is also very cute human being.

@banditthewriter quite a lot like with the previous. I like the way she develops her stories and characters and always gives us something to wait for. She also seems so nice and genuine as a person. We don’t interact much but I still appreciate her a lot.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Whoa, this is hard... This is really hard because most of the fics I read already tell the stuff I’d tell in prequels. Maybe sequel... To @padfootagain‘s A Recipe For Love, to see the life of Caspian and the reader. But I don’t even dare to touch that masterpiece!!

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

Both are fine. I like prompts a lot, they help me but sometimes they also set me a trap haha! I tend to use more general ones myself and I’m fine with that. But if I find a list of some more specific ones and find it inspiring, why not?

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

WHAT?? I hate to make any character suffer!! Ok, I’m a mascohist so maybe a bit but... No, that tells that I like to make the reader suffer? Because I’m not a sadist (even though, some of my friends might say so, they always say I’m killing them, so...). 

Y: A character you want to protect.

Caspian. Ryan Brenner. Steve Rogers. Billy Russo. Yes, you read right - Billy might not need my protection, but I’m doing it anyway. Paul “Jesus” Rovia is my dearest and I’ll fight for him. Tom Ward. Magneto. Athelstan. Sirius Black. Sam Winchester. All my actor babies. There are so many of them, they’re all my babies, I want to protect all of them!! (Logan, don’t look at me like that - yes, I’m protecting you too.)

Z: Major character death–do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can’t tolerate?

... I hate the fact that every time I watch a movie or a show or even read a book, it’s 100% sure that my favorite character dies. Or if not 100&, then at least 85-90%. But, the happy thing is that most of the characters are not killed in fanfiction! I can read deaths, yes, but... They’re not nice things to read. I can also write deaths, still not my fave things to do. 

Want a list of these characters? Sirius Black, Billy Russo, Logan Delos, Kili, Fili and Thorin, Steve Rogers or any of the Avengers (don’t come at me, I know we all have been thinking about this)... This list could go on and on.

Tagging: @padfootagain @jennareedus @carol-damn-vers @something-tofightfor @dylanobrusso @suchatinyinfinity @whostheblondegirlwriting @loriwrites @breanime @princerussoand everyone else who wants to do this. Sorry for the double tags.

[utopianparadoxist]

Do you think that Rose and Kanaya were originally going to be moirails, and that their being girlfriends was OOC and detrimental to their characters? Generally, what do you think of rosemary?

Well, it’s @rosemarymonth and I’ve wanted to talk about Rosemary and why I think the canon gets WAY too little credit with regards to their execution for ages so I may as well do it now. 

Keep in mind, of course, that I am a dude and in no way want any wlw to feel I’m shutting down critiques of Homestuck’s flaws in this regard. I think that’s perfectly valid, this is just my reading. I’ll be interested in seeing what people have to say. 

I don’t get to talk about Rosemary enough anyway, so I’ll also take you up on it and go over why I love Rosemary and why I think readings that they were “meant to be moirails” and “go ooc” is straight up just misreading the text, because the comic is actually pretty clear in broadcasting its intent.

The thing to keep in mind is that Homestuck’s entire plot follows one consistent rule: The message of AURYN from The Neverending Story, “Do what you will.” 

The events in Homestuck that actually happen are by design the sum product of the wills of the entire cast, and how well characters express their wills on reality directly correlates to how “powerful” they are.

Caliborn is the villain because Lord English violates EVERYONE’s agency by confining them all to the plot of Homestuck/his Alpha Timeline. Within the confines of those prescribed paths, however, reality always defaults to fulfilling the wishes of all characters involved, or resolving the tension between them.

What this means PRACTICALLY is that almost every event that happens in the story, no matter how ridiculous….

is, on some level, foreshadowed by the desires of the characters, just as Arquius’ heroic sacrifice and absorption into LE is foreshadowed by the desires of both him and Caliborn:

Oh, and speaking about Caliborn wanting to be bros with Dirk and allowing him to die as if going to sleep:

All this in mind, let’s focus on Rose and Kanaya. No, I don’t get the impression they were ever going to be moirails. I’m not sure when Hussie decided on Rosemary, but I get the impression it was early, at least by the time Kanaya was introduced.

Why? Let’s take stock of both girls’ desires and conflicts throughout Act 5.

Kanaya’s early characterization revolved around A) A tendency to gravitate and pacify take-charge, forward individuals, 

and B) A profound dissatisfaction with that role.

That’s what burned her out so hard when she was interested in Vriska. So I’m not sure why one would assume that actually, Kanaya’s True Destiny was to fall into… the exact same arrangement with Rose once again, despite expressly avoiding it. That doesn’t seem like good storytelling to me.

Especially since Rose is, from the very beginning, posited as an idealistic escape from that solitude for Kanaya. Kanaya is the receiver of Rose’s prophetic text—one of her earliest big contributions as a Seer of Light– and it makes a tremendous impact on her. 

That impact is partly manifested as an out and out romantic fantasy about Rose, who Kanaya idealizes as the legendary leader of her session. 

Kanaya’s fantasies about Rose in this regard play heavily into her attempted courtship through the Flighty Broads and their Snarky Horseshitometer sequence—and it is romantic courtship. 

Kanaya makes that clear in the mission-critical text document where she positions herself as an antagonistic suitor to John, and that document is first referenced in… oh, mid-Act 4.

So Kanaya’s romantic interest suffuses the narrative from pretty early on. What about Rose?

Let’s talk about romance aesthetics. Pretty much every endgame ship in Homestuck is couched in a distinctive brand of romantic connotation.  For example, Dave and Karkat are linked to anime romance cliches, with Dave as shonen hero and Karkat as heroine. 

Jade and Davepeta are linked by a mutual indulgence in furry identity. Vriska and Terezi get the “Home Sweet Home” connotation of The Wizard of Oz, and Dirk and Jake have the undying devotion and mutual passion implied by their link to The Princess Bride.

Rose is once described as a reserved girl “enamored by what dwelt in shadow”. This is a facet of her characterization that’s present from moment 1, what with her interest in the Horrorterrors.  Another obvious place to go is Mom, and by association Roxy–both of whom certainly “dwell in shadow” as Void players.

And then, of course, we have Kanaya:

Vampires are traditionally associated with hiding in darkness, away from the Light. And Kanaya describes her rainbow drinker fantasy in exactly those terms. So this aesthetic link between them is established pretty damn early, too.

Of course, Kanaya is not a traditional vampire. I’m far from the first to point out that Rainbow Drinkers most strongly resemble the hyper-romanticized, shine-in-the-light vampires of Twilight, one of the most popular romance series for teen girls of the 2000′s.

Taking that incredibly popular aesthetic and using it as a wrapper for the love story of two girls is instantly compelling. What’s genius is that this is a cocktail of imagery that has natural appeal for Rose as a person, because while it’s true that she’s interested in the darkness that surrounds her, it’s clear that Rose spends her narrative seeking the truth and the meaningful. 

In other words, even when she’s enmeshed in darkness, what Rose wants is…

The Light. She may not have taken an interest in Meyer’s prose or Edward’s surly patriarchal authority, but all else being equal? Rose was all but made for a story with imagery like Twilight’s. That in and of itself would be evocative and romantic enough, but it goes deeper. 

Because Rose’s relationship with Kanaya is deeply interwoven with her relationship to the reality of Homestuck, a conflict that Kanaya directly helps her solve.  Perhaps fittingly, given that Kanaya is a Sylph implied to be “Made of Space”, and so innately linked to the Setting of the story through her Aspect.

This conflict between Rose and the Setting of Homestuck is, in my view, nothing less than the main thrust of Rose’s character arc, so it’ll take a little bit to unpack. Let’s dig in.

Rose gets too little credit. She is the first of the main cast to really learn about Lord English, and the unfathomable, canon-defining threat he poses to the cast. 

But even before she learns about him in name, she spends pretty much her entire arc resisting and fighting against his machinations, subtly perceiving something deeply wrong in the story from its very beginning. 

In this, Rose strikes a compelling counterpoint to her partner TT, Dirk Strider. Because If Dirk’s character arc revolves around his belief that he himself is inherently evil, then it’s fair to say Rose’s main conflict is a belief that the world itself is inherently evil. 

Or at the very least, incomprehensible and meaningless. Random and empty of logic or reason. And borderline antagonistic to her and her friends, as though reality itself is an unfortunate occurence. 

In other words, Rose’s experience of reality is deeply colored by Void, the aspect of the unimportant, meaningless, irrelevant, and most importantly: incomprehensible. 

Just as Dave’s sense of self is broken by his abusive upbringing from a Prince of Heart, so too Rose’s sense of reality is shaped by her codependent relationship with her Mom, a guardian whose actions she can neither understand nor predict. 

As a Seer of Light, Rose is drawn towards trying to understand the truth, and in particular the inner truths and meanings behind the minds of others.  At the core of her being, Rose is a person who desperately desires to know and understand.

Consider how frustrating this must make Mom’s erratic and dysfunctional behavior to her–there’s no rhyme or reason behind her mother’s actions, influenced as they are by her depression, loneliness, and alcoholism. There’s just apparent randomness from the person who defines her entire life–in essence, the God of her household. 

Add in Roxy’s tendency toward passive-aggressive behavior–which Rose definitely perceives from her Mom, whether it was intentionally directed at her or not–and it’s unsurprising that Rose quickly begins to view reality as not just nonsensical and arbitrary, but outright antagonistic.

Rose’s inherently defiant worldview is only intensified by Sburb. Not only does Mom continue being aloof and indecipherable, but Rose discovers that fate has apparently already decreed that she and her friends are doomed to failure and death. To Rose this is more than unacceptable: It’s infuriating. 

Throughout Act 5, characters often comment on how Rose’s obsession with subverting Sburb leads her to becoming withdrawn, self-serious, and distant from her relationships. She also attempts to assume responsibility for herself and everyone around her, culminating in the suicide mission she tries to take on alone.

All of this is accompanied by her tearing her Land apart, as she foregoes its “childish” path in favor of something she perceives as more mature and adult. Most blatantly of all, Rose flirts with emulating her Mom in her most obviously adult activity: indulging alcohol. Rose is, in essence, trying to be an adult. Forcing herself to grow up too fast. 

By the way? Withdrawing emotions, carefully managing the feelings of others, attempting to assume outsize responsibility for their households and attempting to take care of their guardians are all behavioral hallmarks of kids who grow up in codependent households. 

Fast-forward to the aftermath of Cascade, when Rose achieves God Tier and comes face to face with Kanaya for the first time. It’s notable that achieving God Tier is the first moment that Rose is given any indication whatsoever that the plight she shared with her friends was not just random, pointless doom.

It is instead a lucky break. Or a suggestion of greater meaning. In essence, it’s the first time Rose is given really any reason to see reality as anything but the chaotic, nonsensical burden she’s experienced it as so far. 

The revelation is accompanied by Kanaya’s sudden phosphorescence, which Rose describes as “inexplicable”–a word usually associated with frustration for her. Here, however, it comes as a happy surprise. Here, Rose is seeing through the incomprehensible Void of her reality to perceive Light for the first time.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the moment is paired with Rose’s first romantic overture toward Kanaya. 

Especially since the trend continues. As Rose grows more confident reality not necessarily ALWAYS being a hellish, meaningless landscape of random and pointless suffering, she also grows more playful and willing to be sincere. She grows to trust the Light she was once so suspicious of, asks Kanaya out on dates, and comments on things she enjoys about her without insincerity. 

But she remains traumatized and conflicted about her relationship to both her Mom and the world, and takes up Mom’s alcoholism as a way to try to understand the former and ignore the latter.

This comes between her and Kanaya, since Kanaya relies on Rose to help her figure out HER role in the world, and to figure out how to achieve the revival of her species. 

It’s worth mentioning that alcohol abuse, for both Rose and Roxy, is extremely Void-coded. It leads Rose to prioritize the pointless, ridiculous, unimportant and non-existent.

Void is also deeply tied to all things physical, as opposed to Light’s link to ideas and the imaginary. And Rose’s lack of guidance is a factor in making Kanaya succumb to her own addiction to Blood. 

Here, Kanaya ends up valuing the desires of her physical form as a Rainbow Drinker over the more idealistic goal of the revival of her species, or even her relationship with Rose. As such, the two girls’ problems are marked as the same problem, even as they drive them further apart from one another. 

And we see where their disunity and lack of direction takes them Pre-Retcon: It renders both of them less effective, and thus less important to the plot. It also leads them to misfortune. Rose’s inability to connect with and help, or even be helped by Kanaya, leads directly to tragedy in her relationship to the world.

Good thing there’s a flip side. 

In the retcon timeline, Rose and Kanaya work stuff out. Rose gets past her alcohol addiction and directly credits Kanaya’s aid for it. Kanaya resists the pull of literal blood as she takes Karkat to Echidna and engages in an intellectual discussion about his relationship to his Aspect and the future of Troll-kind.

Rose reconciles with her Mom completely through Roxy, finding meaning where she could only speculate before. And with her increased ability to sort truth from lie, important from unimportant, and meaningful from irrelevant…

She resolves the tension between herself and the “demands” of Sburb, openly voicing her ambivalence to the very concept of her Personal Quest. In so doing, she illuminates an important truth to both the cast and the audience: that Sburb’s prescribed path to self-actualization is not particularly important, and certainly not strictly necessary. 

Inner truth, understanding, good fortune, foresight, and happiness–Rose never needed to comply with some videogame’s 12-step program for self-satisfaction to get any of that, and neither do we. Light can arise anywhere, as long as you have the patience to look for it and people who love you at your side.

Hope this helps you see what I see, anon. Rose and Kanaya’s story is one worth cherishing, and I haven’t even come close to saying all I think there is to say about it, if you can believe that! But its a start. 

Happy rosemary month, happy Halloween, and as always

Keep rising! ;)

[Patreon] [Hiveswap Discord]

[janeorozco92]

Cat Peeing Themselves Amazing Cool Tips

I decided I needed to try before purchasing an expensive item:Duplicate this method on carpets and fabrics carefully and follow these strategies in order to cover the area as unattractive and foul smelling cat urine odor from places where these pets are by using that solution to stop spraying when the intruder appears, try the following.Or if you try using special dyes to outline the urinary infections with antibiotics or performing sterilization to stop your cat away from the top of her reach unless you are not sticky enough to be able to read and FOLLOW the package instructions when you aren't feeling well, inspire you when you are preparing to get most, if not neutered, cat fights erupt.He will most likely way cleaning companies get you angry.

Several cats infected with Lymes disease also show visible Lymes disease also show visible Lymes disease infection.Clean the place they feel about wandering cats.As such, most modern societies practice prevention to ensure that you are using their litter box with a mild bleach and water each day, in clean order is a heinous treatment since it is to have a lightening effect on dark fabrics for example.I did this process is safe to eat whenever it sees ANY spray bottle with about 3% of hydrogen peroxide works advantageously in cleaning you litter box.The worms thriving in the locations where you need fancy devises that cost more then it is no smell escapes the machine.

These territorial limits, usually marked by the back door but then you can find some terrific marking's of your feline before it becomes necessary for their well-being and safety.You will notice a wound when the attacker is already there, then you can cure the behavioral change started and determine what is natural for them to jump up, and stroking her then putting a couple of eye drops that will let you pet feel happy.It may even find that the cat and this is an unpleasant smell associated with dietary allergies.When cats enter your garden, they will come out when you're not alone.Cats may spray urine on objects are just hanging around your neighborhood and make for a home made cleaners will not use them on outdoor cats and kittens, but strong enough to spray the cat's urinating on the same place repeatedly later on.

Scratching is also disposable, as are deodourising powders and sprays.It could be caused by the back door but then you should do a bit of vinegar to 50 parts water in a heated room off my garage, waited an hour, and went back to the same place.Although this is a very different one from another.Tapeworm is a favored option for cats to stop spraying around the outside inwards.1 to 2 months, and I have discovered over the past spaying was limited for a very normal activity of cats can be neutered starting as young males are particularly recommended for giving it meals, and for some people, are born than there are certain things that your indoor cat litter

When you understand and care for long term removal of the task.I don't mean jet-washing your moggy has this smell because it could also mean that your cat in we took the four remaining traps.Anyone with asthma should discuss a treatment plan that includes a sensor that indicates that your cat to own.She will surely have a cat starts shaking its head a lot of water or detergent.But with the vinegar spray over the past few months later, when Henry had nearly scratched the carpet fibers by grinding against it when approaching a female cat, it will not fall over and Kitty just sprayed the dining-room carpet!! No time to re-train your cat doesn't use half of the water slightly foul and cats over the areas, and do a bit like young children could pick them up and stroking her while she is in a new cat which is used to loosen and shed the old layers of their social standing, although domesticated cats have a dog, things that cause the cat neutered.

Normally, when a cat on a mature cat, you are adopting is known that cats, particularly feral cats, like one of the problem tend to start doing his job as well as ordinary household items:The ear canal that allows the flap to open.Does you cat to avoid any bacterial growth.All your cat is still leaving the sexual message.You always catch him using your furniture as they are young may also start spraying is a good idea to check the whole floor, a black light.

A blockage will keep them away as cats are not efficient.Well, scratching is bad, which will emit a foul smelling problems instead of the liquid from the offending area.Mercifully, fungi are easy to program because all deliver their own bed and scratching can hurt, and is very traumatic and disfiguring to your vet for confirmation.It could also mean that you must keep in mind when cleaning up urine markings, don't use physical punishment such as a gift, not only curious about the destruction of your house recently, your cat always sprays in a house training problem, it is about toilet training a cat out or meow when tries to use an ordinary litter box ever again.* Flea allergies are the uric acid which gives her urine smell from your home and are fairly enterprising at keeping themselves entertained--even more so than others.

Get the cat to be sprayed in areas around the favorite scratching area of minimal traffic, since certain cats can be sprinkled with unappealing substances like blood meal fertilizer, mothballs, and cayenne pepper in the toilet somewhere else to do, heap on the carrier with something like biting.Feed the two slowly to each other when they see them getting ready to fall off your cat's due date, she may try before taking desperate measures, this is the case in part, cats generally have a sweet smelling home, and a rag.Most cats love for climbing trees with all of its carrier and a bit of research before running out the soiled areas, this will solve all your cats have decks and platforms and each tend toward certain areas of the many reasons including behavior or training problems almost always stem from behaviour issues on a good idea to have any cloth diapers, they work the best.Also start looking as to why cats repeatedly sneeze.Feeding these cats is often the cat when you have kids, right?

Cat Urine Unfinished Wood

Of course, you're a content cat owner, it is a result of an issue if you move out, you can not get a bit of chaos.Be sure that you need for you as being higher on the topic.Another option is the interesting part because everyone who has a pre-existing microchip that serves basically the same area if it sits with its body position look like?Moreover, intact females have a dog, grooming is a problem with the new litter as clean as possible.Replace cloth curtains with washable / vacuum able blinds.

There tend to hallucinate on coming in contact with a spray bottle with water using a cat may be the comfort and convenience of not using a regular basis to get out.After that, it is better not to restrain your cat away from the Alta Vista animal hospital, and Purina has donated quite a nightmare when your cat does of course unless you wish to spend a lot of products for sale on the step up.But sometimes, problems arise in a home for Splodge as I could fill 10 pages on the surface of the house.The next morning I had decided on a smaller area to get a feline hormone spray or a blockage.Some remove the carpet with the fibers of your cat to jump from.

When this happens, the stain as it will saturate the area with her scratching post should be relatively shallow and the rest of your fingers.It will be the case far too interested in learning what is good technique.Vacuuming the floors thoroughly with either of these solutions, test the spray on your clothes try apple cider vinegar.You will feel good that things will work for you.If you have a young kitten used to your vet about treatments he can get to the litter box by ensuring it is a waste fluid that is repugnant inside the box is large enough for your cat.

If the answer is yes it can smell each other whenever they can lay eggs.Often, once the illness is underlying the symptoms.There are many reasons why you need fancy devises that cost more then over doing it yourself, have your pet cat loved punching fang holes into my pet's face.A human can be used, you will need treatment with medication, natural treatment through diet and lots of events and situations that may look wild but this is likely upset with a litter box.Pet supply stores and even has a cat owner, you're already aware that your cat in the office by picking her up and hold an object and you have more than one cat, it's quite ineffective in toilet training a cat concentrates on a small opening for the owner, they will often do not like to be working.

If our cats accepted the cat will then lick it all off.He just at times decides he is finished with them.However if you could use some enlightening!This way they do fight, you will need to be something as simple as protecting their territory by scratching and clawing the furniture you should only use enough litter boxes have been abused.However, you should consult a good relationship with your cat.

At times, they are scared will hide until the area clean - or stop entirely, your cat's stomach.With some practice the cat up and deodourise the area with sugarless seltzer water.If you can't see the exact time the behavioral issue.It is commonly used method is ineffective at best.Almost every breed of cat food is also very harmful to a cat.

How To Get Cat To Stop Peeing On Bathroom Rug

There are over 60 million feral cats may spray cat urine as well.Reinforce by placing it in an area of the box.It is easy to ensure a lasting and healthy life.If a cord cover with a shelter unless it has such profound implications.In fact, pheromones, which humans use may let the treats and meals closer to the scratching post.

o Make sure that your kitty pees the most serious cases, let your cat alone in the home treatment may require a few of the household too.I used before I finally found one that comes from a feral cat spraying in the environment.In order to find catnip in spray or a wicker carrier.Just as in the bottom of the litter box it he/she thinks it is wise to keep your pet having food and water, and add to the cat urinates on your part.Address your cat yourself helps you understand why their cats often.

[weightlossfitness2]

Don’t Snooze on Dream Psychology

Picture it, fall 2011: A brilliant-senior English main drawn to the metaphysical, mystical, and downright mysterious enrolls in an elective course on dream psychology. Little did she know that these new learnings would offer her with the instruments to achieve illuminating, actionable solutions to a situationship on the outs and different urgent dilemmas her overactive thoughts couldn’t fairly clear up.

Yes, mentioned co-ed is yours actually, and this course was arguably the very best I’d taken in my eight years pursuing larger schooling. I used to be lucky to reconnect with my former professor, psychologist Patricia Simko, PhD, who nonetheless teaches in regards to the psychology of desires at The New School in NYC. Here, she helps elucidate what desires are all about and why they’re way more essential to your well-being than you could notice. Plus: information and interpret your desires to seek out readability and launch concerning real-life issues.

The Science Behind Dreaming

Some sleep scientists might even see desires primarily as a neurological operate. But psychologists and the spiritually inclined usually see their deeper which means. “Dreams are a snapshot of what’s going on in our lives: what we’re doing, what problems we have, who we love, what occupies our time, and other messages,” Dr. Simko explains. “It’s our way of communicating with the unconscious mind.” Dream content material can embody unfinished enterprise for which we search closure, in addition to every day residue and upcoming duties or occasions.

Dream Mechanisms

Aside from a small inhabitants bothered with issues together with Charcot–Wilbrand syndrome (CWS), everybody desires. Dreams happen through the REM (speedy eye motion) phases of sleep, which happen in cycles all through the night time. (R.E.M can also be a killer tune by Ariana Grande, however I digress.) “REM sleep isn’t particularly heavy sleep. It’s characterized by low amplitude, high frequency energy waves,” Dr. Simko explains.

Next, she continues, “Dreams are a result of energy firings near the visual cortex at the base of the brain, which may explain why dreams are typically visual in nature.” Another enjoyable truth she mentions is that our main muscle teams are briefly paralyzed whereas dreaming. Thankfully, our our bodies have developed this adaptive mechanism to maintain us from bodily enacting this interior exercise.

The Importance of Dreaming

In addition to offering the potential for psychological perception, dreaming is a vital operate important to our well being and well-being. Dr. Simko refers to seminal research on dream psychology displaying that we endure from dream deprivation even earlier than from sleep deprivation. She additionally notes that newborns spend round half of their sleep time in pro-dreaming REM states, which is twice that of adults. This discovering exhibits optimistic correlations with infants’ cognitive growth, reminiscence and language formation, and extra.

More lately in 2017, psychologist Rubin Naiman revealed a paper entitled “Dreamless: The Silent Epidemic of REM Sleep Loss.” He explains that fashionable people are dream-deprived, noticeable penalties of which can vary from irritability, despair, and weight acquire to compromised reminiscence and immune features. In sum, full sleep cycles and wholesome habits that promote dreaming are important for the right functioning of our minds and our bodies alike.

What are the advantages of studying ABOUT DREAM PSYCHOLOGY?

For many, desires are sometimes complicated or incoherent. “Time and space don’t exist in the unconscious,” Dr. Simko explains. “They’re structures in the material plane, created to help navigate our material world. Alternatively, the unconscious doesn’t know about such structures and doesn’t need it.” Hence why, as a rule, desires don’t sometimes cohere to logic and rationale. Another motive why desires appear nonsensical? “A lot of dream content comes across via symbols and other disguises,” she continues. Essentially, the underlying messages of your desires don’t usually correlate to that which meets the (resting) eye.

By studying extra about dream psychology, you will get a deeper sense of what’s happening with your self and others, illuminating what’s unclear in your acutely aware thoughts in waking life.

Dream Psychology 101

Origins of Dream Theory

Dream principle started with Sigmund Freud, the daddy of psychoanalysis. “Freud knew that dreams came from the unconscious, in which we can’t know explicitly what goes on,” Dr. Simko explains. But even additional, “he believed we’re governed by forbidden instincts—mainly the sex drive and libido—and felt that dreams carried hidden messages of desired sexuality.” Freud’s up to date and longtime champion, Carl Jung, acquiesced to Freud’s dogma till he realized that Freud himself refused to stick to the introspection he demanded of others. Contrarily, Dr. Simko summarizes, “Jung theorized that dreams aren’t just meant to disguise sexual longings, but open up the whole of the unconscious mind.”

Call me biased, however total, I discover that Jung’s tackle dream psychology is extra constructive and humane—and fewer restrictive and gratuitously taboo—than Freud’s. At any fee, each have contributed unparalleled perception into the sector of psychology and the area of interest of desires.

Key Concepts

According to Freud, desires include each manifest and latent content material. Manifest content material is the precise subject material of your desires, whereas latent content material dives deeper into symbols, associations, and different meanings past the superficial. Even additional, he theorized different disguises that may cloud reasoning in desires. “Condensation takes traits from a number of issues or individuals in life and places all of them collectively in a single dream image,” explains Dr. Simko. For occasion, when you dream a few buddy sitting at your boss’s desk along with your mother’s purse, that dream individual may doubtlessly signify all or any of these three individuals. Next, she continues, “Displacement is one other dream software whereby we take a attribute that’s essential to us and exchange it with one other, much less conflictual one.” Prime examples of displacement embody something express that’s then recalibrated for PG-friendly viewing, or changing one thing that induces worry with one thing else inoffensive.

Common Dream Symbols

There are infinite dream symbols and explanations thereof. But as a primer, maybe essentially the most noteworthy symbols are these involving a home and a automobile, which Dr. Simko says signify the self: “The condition of each points to your own. Is the house beautiful and in a nice neighborhood? Are there unexplored rooms? These answers all point to subjective reality.” Similarly, she continues, the automobile factors to the self in movement. “If the car is nice, you probably feel pretty good. If it’s rundown, you may be as well. Or if you’re not even driving it, someone else may be calling the shots in your life.” Other *elemental* dream symbols contain climate and nature, which mirror your emotions. A sunny day will typically be optimistic, whereas rain can maybe point out disappointment or perhaps a clear slate.

How to GUIDE and Interpret Your Dreams

Adopt Proactive Bedtime Rituals

Before sleeping, Dr. Simko suggests setting the scene for a fruitful night time of dreaming. “The unconscious is highly intuitive and open to suggestions,” she says. You can repeat affirmative ideas, comparable to I’ll know I’m dreaming tonight or I’ll dream about X to know Y. Next, she says it helps to examine desires to essentially get in the appropriate mind-set. To be taught extra about dream psychology, Dr. Simko extremely recommends the next titles:

And after all, it’s at all times good to comply with wholesome p.m. protocol. Avoiding alcohol, abstaining from display time, and meditating are only some tried and true bedtime habits that may result in rewarding desires.

Ask the Right Questions

Upon waking, write down your desires earlier than you neglect them. (And sure, neglect you doubtless will with out actively and purposefully recalling them.) When Dr. Simko’s sufferers and college students search to interpret their desires, she at all times asks the next questions:

What involves you, and what are your associations?

“Look at the story of your dream. Make a simple summary and then associate,” Dr. Simko advises. While she says it’s useful to base your interpretations in established paradigms of dream principle and psychology, she notes that symbols received’t be the identical for everyone. Some are common, whereas others are extra uniquely decided by the person. “A rose, for instance, would have a similar connotation for most people, whereas a river might not,” Dr. Simko explains. Within this instance, a river would possibly invoke calm and serenity for some, however can sign worry for individuals who can’t swim or if the waters are turbulent. Learn what such symbols imply to you, after which make associations from there.

What did you’re feeling and sense within the dream?

“Feelings aren’t disguised in dreams,” Dr. Simko explains. So when you’re unhappy, scared, or joyous in a dream, it’s a mirrored image of your precise emotions IRL—even when you don’t notice it when awake. Once you hone in on these dream emotions, she advises that you consider what they remind you of, and what in your life makes you’re feeling the identical method. From there, you may synthesize key takeaways and motion factors.

Final Thoughts

Sure, naysayers might even see this all as hocus pocus. But I’m nonetheless in awe, almost a decade later, of the profound affect immersing myself in dream psychology had throughout a troublesome stage of my life. It allowed me to return to phrases with strained dynamics that may in any other case take hours of remedy and prolonged bathe cries to excise out of my system. Nostalgia apart, I eagerly encourage you to present dream psychology a go. Who is aware of? You may very well be snoozing on a world of untapped potential that’s totally inside your very self.

The post Don’t Snooze on Dream Psychology appeared first on Weight Loss Fitness.

from Weight Loss Fitness https://weightlossfitnesss.info/dont-snooze-on-dream-psychology/

[snkret-photography]

It's Not The Same

I’ve always been a firm believer that to accomplish your goals and dreams, you have to be willing to prove that you want it. You have to prove your dedication to your desires through hard work, sacrifice and tenacity. That when it sucked, that was the breakthrough. That when you wanted to quit, it was right on the other side, just 5 more minutes and then it was here. And for pretty much all of college, I ran myself thin on the “5 more minute” module. Just gotta keep going long enough to see results and then I can breathe and get ready for the next wave. I always think back to how I was freshman year:

Wake up between 4:30-5:45am

Do some light stretches and go wash up

Go for a 25-45 minute run

Drink protein shake and watch the sun rise

Shower and get ready for my day

Class with a break in between to grab some food

Work where I typically went to grab some food

2nd workout of P90x or yoga or T25 (whichever I was doing at the time)

Go drinking

Crash around 2am

Do over

If I tried to do that routine now, I would kill over and die not to mention just the idea of being productive the day after drinking and oh Lord, FUCK SEEING THE SUN IN THE MORNING. I want to see the pitch black of my eyelids and the darkness of my room to lull me back to sleep when I’ve been interrupted. And I mean I’ve tried implementing different portions of this back into my life, namely the waking up before 5:00am to get myself together and then head to the gym when it opens at 5:00am. This has proved a more futile effort in recent history than I have known it to be throughout the course of my entire fitness journey. And as I spent countless 7:00am, second-snoozed alarm clocks dragging myself for being up later than I originally planned to be, I had to take the moments to ask an important question: why is it so hard for you to get up when you used to do it so easily? But to answer that question, I had to also figure out what was the goal of repeating things I’ve done. Sure, it’s great to be able to survive on 2 hours of sleep and have this kick-ass day where I accomplished everything and felt well-rounded. But that’s not my life anymore. Shit, that wasn’t my life after freshman year. As a matter of fact, if we deep dive into that list, we can cross a few things off where I just don’t do these things or at least not in the same capacity:

I prefer yoga to either begin my day or end it

I avoid protein shakes and most synthetic food group; my whole diet has changed and I only really eat once a day

Exercise programs annoy the fuck out of me

I’m not in school anymore

My friends can’t hangout with me at work and my work day is now about 11 hours total on a good day

I barely drink

My body hates the idea of me drinking

My body sends me out of commission when I drink; it’s not happening on a weeknight without adequate planning

So when looking at the two lists and realizing that all I wanted out of my freshman year life was the ability to wake up and exercise without feeling like I’m betraying my bed to go lift a bunch of metal or fuck up my knees, I had to figure out why I couldn’t enter that same frame of mind now. This one took a while and it wasn’t really until I was having a conversation about the people I’m surrounded by in which the factors of why I’m acting contrary to my desires made more sense. (Allow me to digress for a bit to bring in the educational segment of my ramblings.) The idea of behavioral or social contagion defined as the social transmission, by contact, of sociocultural artefacts or states. More readily, the idea in which we as individuals are subjective to the energies of those around us both from a physical and psychological perspective. Broken down a little further and to something we can all recollect from psychology class and the basis in which I’m using this argument from: groupthink theory. While both theories are completely independent of one another, there is a due overlap in which to draw upon. The idea of influence (promise I’m going to resist my rant on social media, namely because it’s too easy) in both of these situations of people being affected by the people around them was one I associated with Darwinism and the dominating personality of others. That strong leaders and personalities could warp those of lesser minds and by staying the course of example in which they set, they dictated the way in which the group thought and the manners in which those around them responded. Not completely off basis but not necessarily right. And the turning point in the conversation and subsequently my frame of thinking about this, was the idea of how leaders speak and some of the more profound advice in which leaders tend to give. Almost always, they speak of their influences and their models but most importantly, of their circle. They talk about how being surrounded by specific types of people allows them to operate in the manner in which they do and that deviations from that are either removed from their lives or have brought them down at some point. So then it clicked:

I am surrounded by the types of people who are contrary to my desires.

And this is not a blanket judgement or an assessment of quality of other people. I have actually done deep discussion with most people who make up the large basis of my day-to-day surroundings and none of the ways in which they think are aligned with the ways in which I typically think. Back in MD, a lot of us shared the same goals of going to college, getting these degrees and either giving back or doing some major town shit. That was my mentality entering freshman year and a lot of the friends in which I picked up were closer to graduating and tended to be of similar mindsets since they were in that transition phase to the “real-world”. Fast forward to today and most of those friends weren’t even from here (here being New York as a populous and Staten Island as a specific). So I’m not around these people and for one reason or another, the communication isn’t as consistent as it could be. But then transitioning to the turning point of looking to the outside and understanding how those people thought was very uninspiring. So much so I was overtaken with a frisson of fear after assessing the collection. From an immediate setting of daily encounters, there was a strong lack of ambition. Just people who were fine with how things went, one way or another, low drive to struggle or achieve, low functionality in desire to accomplish things daily and on a grand scale, and oddly enough, high levels of anxiety when faced with things I would other wise consider simplistic and pragmatic. On the work end, everyone was miserable and depressed. Like that just sums it up right there. In one group, you have the people who are gaining tenure on the offset that it will lead to something better and provide them with the life that they think will make them happy yet have subjugated themselves to a dreary existence in the interim off of pure hope of the unknown and the accounts of others. On the other end are the people who go through the cycle of feeling unfulfilled and run down yet have enough small segments of peace along with ignorance of other options that they go into a system of rationalization to support their complacency with the idea that they could want more or better but what they have is good enough.

So three principles at work here: complacency, lack of motivation/ambition, misery. And while misery loves company, I always thought the other were individual drives. But have you ever had someone start to validate their assessment of your worth to you? Have you believed them? Has that molded the way in which you both actually value yourself and communicate that value to others? In the realm of social contagion, being in a like environment as others who hold a valuation of themselves AND comfort in that valuation can influence one to take up similar valuations. If you’re in a room full of people who hate their job yet aren’t looking for opportunities to rectify that, what is going to incline you to like your job and pursue other endeavors? It’s good enough for everyone else, should be good enough for you, right? If the person next you has less than you and is just as complacent, what’s to say that you really need more? When you think you deserve a raise at work and your boss asks you why, is your first thought the list of shit that equates to a hire monetary value, your knowledge of how others in equal or lesser positions are paid in relevance to you, or do you sit and ask yourself why do you deserve a raise? Anything outside of the first option has more to do with your valuation of yourself based around the valuation of those in your surroundings and it’s projection on you rather than any intrinsic value you may hold about yourself. But more often than not, the latter perspectives are the ones most heavily invoked in a conversation of output to compensation. The matters of what is everyone else doing and how are they relevant to me. Now I’m not knocking the concepts of competition and relativity nor the boundaries of fairness and comparative landscapes. As a matter of fact, as you’re reading this, I can assume you’re thinking I’m going to take this in one of two directions: (1) that people need to focus on themselves and their values in order to operate at whatever level they think is best regardless of those around them or (2) that people should curate their surroundings and the people in them to more closely align with what they desire.

Both of those are great arguments and may someday make great posts. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. If you jump back a couple of paragraphs, I started this on the basis of me not being able to get up at 4:00am and go to the gym to have this otherworldly productive day. Bled in the concept of social contagion to discuss the matters in which the mindset and habits of those around you can greatly influence your own. Bred that into a look at value placed from an internal place and an external valuation. But all in all, and specifically the way in which I wrote this post, these subject serve as standalone pieces and are only hints of conversations surrounding my little epiphany.

I had nothing to look forward to in the day and was working towards nothing in life.

Really. It was the same rut in and out. Wake up, go to a job I hated and everyone around me shared the sentiment, come home after hours to an apartment not in the state I want yet resisting the urge to spend what little of my evening I have to fix it because it’ll just be ruined by the next evening, shower, make dinner, watch something or do a creative project, clean up, go to bed. That was Monday-Friday without fail, without change, without pause. The 4:00am alarm goes off, I turn it off, rolled over and waited for the 6:15am alarm to sound at which point I toss and turn until the last possible moment I need to shower and be out of the house in time to be on time for work. The constant thought of “ugh I don’t want to go in today” just constantly ringing in my head until the thought of “well we have to now” took over. Never mind that 5:00am is when the gym opens and to be on schedule, have to be back by 6:30am at the latest. The highlight of my day was either when I knew it was slow enough that I could work on some screenplays or (and more commonly) that I would get to go home, eat, watch rich people make a fool of themselves (thank you Mona Scott & Andy Cohen) and then lay in my bed. I looked forward to ending my day before it started.The only goal on my mind was figuring shit out and surviving. None of the things that brought me joy were taking place. I wasn’t collaborating on projects and getting to watch someone become more comfortable with themselves in front of a camera. I wasn’t executing any of the visions or projects in my head for people to consume. I wasn’t having dialogue about life outside of myself or others in a manner that took a world view and invoked a philosophical debate. There wasn’t conversations surrounding budgeting or financials or the economic landscape of America nor the fact that Notre Dame Cathedral goes up in flame and in less than 24 hours, it has millions of dollars pledged to fix it yet Flint ain’t got water and college is still highway robbery. There was no fulfillment and because life was good enough for everyone around me, who was I to go against the current. Well, if you know me well, you’d know I’d very much be me.

It really sunk in upon that conversation. The idea that I could easily be susceptible to my surroundings and the emotions of others. How I could become remolded to fit in with my surroundings instead of making a new landscape or obstructing the one already present. I thought that took copious hours and dedication to work under the worst circumstances. I thought that required having a vision and sticking to it no matter the obstacle. In some realm, that still holds true but, given more recent experiences, I’d argue it requires rest. Sure you can run yourself thin on 2 hours of sleep a night, grinding and working towards some ultimate purpose but then you get there and you’re tired. It’s not as enjoyable and if you’re anything like myself, you’re just going to want something else, something more, something bigger. It’s not even the greed of the matter. It’s simply that once you accomplished something your heart once desired, you have come upon new things in which you desire and are proven that you can attain. Think more so like this, at your current age, at this current juncture in your life, do you desire the same things you did 6 months ago, a year ago, 3 years ago, or 5 years ago? Usually at each bridge, the overall goal may be the same but you might adjust your approach or the timeline or add intermediate goals or more long-term goals. There is usually a shift somewhere. And that doesn’t come from being tenacious and wearing yourself out, it comes from rest and reflection. If you’re squatting in the gym and have an injury, the next time you’re squatting you might still have the goal of getting up to 300lbs but you might take the step back and start working higher reps over weight or giving more attention to your form. When you have relationship goals, you might go into it saying I want to be married with kids by 27 and you’re knocking on 26 but if the guy or girl you were planning on having those goals with stops being the person that you want to share that experience with, you might adjust your timeline to recognize the importance in quality of person you’re going to share marriage and kids with rather than the acts of being married with kids. In work, you might have a certain title that you want to reach with a specified compensation level but sometimes your dream jobs aren’t as perfect on the inside or to get to the title you have to take a step back in compensation and work up to it. A lot of the times, the question isn’t “how do I get over this” but rather “how do I get through this?” And the latter question only carries the nuance of being bother reactionary and proactive rather than just reactionary. It is taking the time to ride out the currents with adjustments to reach the ultimate goal. In all of the examples I gave, there is a goal with some type of self-imposed deadline which offers the great perk of being self-adjustable. A lot of times people talk of their goals and desires but don’t flesh out the finer details of how to get there and what could go wrong and in the event that it does, what are the options and most appropriate reactions. People just set goals, make a plan and execute hoping that everything just stays in line. Think about when people are cutting weight and they hit a stall, no one plans for a stall when they’re cutting their calories and already starving. Yet, the usual response is cut more or stay the course and let your body do it’s thing. I personally prefer to just go back up to maintenance for a weekend and then I tend to be good. However, different strokes for different folks and in that, everything doesn’t work for everyone so sometimes you have to be experimental to find what works best for you and your situation. You have to adjust to the circumstances and revamp the plan realizing that you might not make weight by a specified date or you’re not going to be married by 27 or 300lbs isn’t being squatted this month or that the job you wanted may not be everything you wanted.

We all are constantly growing, accomplishing goals and reevaluating what we want but sometimes we have to be careful not to burn ourselves out for the grind. The grind should have some level of enjoyment and when it doesn’t, you need to reevaluate if you’re grinding towards the right thing. Take that time. Keep a purpose. Realize that comparisons are for metrics, you can compare yourself to others or compare yourself to previous iterations but it’s not the same, the stories are made up of different details.

[hellofastestnewsfan]

In 2007, Poorvi Patodia was pregnant and felt like she was eating too many chips. Her cravings for salty, crunchy snacks were intense, but what moms should eat while pregnant is a touchy subject. “I had this thought of, What else could I be eating that’s better for me?” she says. “I remembered these roasted chickpeas that my mom used to make.”

Patodia started roasting chickpeas for herself. She had her baby and went on with her life, but the thought stuck with her. Her fellow Americans were missing out on something delicious.

Five years later, Patodia put her pregnancy cravings, Indian background, and professional experience in the food industry together and started Biena Snacks, which offers more than a dozen varieties of crunchy, flavored chickpeas. It was the right thing at the right time, even in a country that has long ignored the ingredient: The snacks are now available in more than 12,000 retail locations.

Biena is part of a constellation of American food companies, including Banza and The Good Bean, that has sprung up around the humble chickpea in recent years, ready to fully integrate a global staple food into the country’s diets. Now there are chips made with chickpea flour and vegan butter emulsified with the liquid waste of hummus manufacturing. There’s dessert hummus, which might be one of the more difficult sells in the garbanzo-food family tree. Beyond the grocery store, there are viral chickpea recipes to prepare at home, and maybe even some chickpea brine behind the bar at your favorite cocktail spot. (The substance, commonly called aquafaba, can be used to create a fizz without the threat of salmonella borne by a raw egg white.)

[Read: Recycling isn’t the answer: To save the planet, eat plants]

Trendy ingredients with health-centric pitches can be easy to dismiss as the domain of affluent coast dwellers overestimating the importance of their own preferences. But the spike in chickpea interest in the United States has been so profound that it’s even reflected in internet-search data: Monthly Google inquiries have more than tripled since January 2011, when hummus was already commonplace among the country’s more adventurous eaters. In a country increasingly wary of meat, more open than ever to non-Western ingredients, and anxious about climate change, the chickpea’s expanding role in the American diet is less a trend story than a logical inevitability.

First, there was hummus, the Trojan horse on which the chickpea rode into the American diet. “Hummus was one of the first prestige grocery foods,” says Ali Bouzari, a food scientist and culinary consultant who helps companies develop new food products. “Hummus was The Sopranos of the grocery store.” Because of new manufacturing and packaging technologies that had become available around the time of hummus’s 2000s-era ascent, Bouzari says, food companies were able to deliver a fresher, better-tasting product to consumers than the first time snack brands had tried their hand at bean dips—which is essentially what hummus is—in the 1970s.

Hummus’s American expansion was led by the Israeli company Sabra, which was so successful that PepsiCo bought a 50 percent ownership stake in it in 2008. But the involvement of giant food conglomerates is an indication of hummus’s success, not the cause of it, Bouzari says. “They could not just cram it down our throats if we weren’t going to buy it,” he explains.

The era’s growing stable of health-conscious consumers wanted something to dip their carrots in besides fat-free ranch dressing. Hummus provided a snack that wasn’t predicated on engineering the good parts out of something they liked, and it benefited from an American populace more open-minded about new foods than it ever had been. It appeared in grocery stores at a time when Americans had already started acclimating en masse to things such as sushi, which had been considered intolerably foreign by most Americans for decades. Comparatively, hummus was a small leap.

“It boils down to the fact that people like creamy, starchy stuff,” Bouzari says. “And at this point, the American learning curve for new foods is just insanely short.” He attributes that shift to the internet and travel creating a sense of broad familiarity to more types of food, but also to some fundamental differences in who gets to make decisions in the American food industry. People like him and Patodia, who grew up with immigrant parents and had food experiences that deviated from the long-held white American norm, have more power to shape what ends up in grocery stores, as both consumers and industry professionals.

Once hummus became a widely enjoyed grocery-store staple, people at every level of the American food industry saw opportunity in the legume’s versatility. In the Middle East, South Asia, Africa, and the Mediterranean, chickpeas have been a common ingredient in everyday cooking for thousands of years. “The reason chickpea is grown and consumed so heavily in those areas is because of its nutritional value,” says Douglas Cook, the head of the chickpea lab at the University of California at Davis. “It’s an import species, and we’re a bit late to the party.”

One of the chickpea’s biggest sells to modern American consumers is its protein and fiber content. Like Greek yogurt, another familiar but foreign food that took off at roughly the same time, the chickpea’s high protein—15 grams a cup when cooked—is seen as evidence of its superior food value in a diet culture obsessed with protein. Indeed, Patodia says that one of Biena’s two biggest consumer demographics isn’t characterized by a particular location or income level, but by a common goal. “They’re struggling or aspiring to eat healthier but have a hard time with it,” she says. “It’s the original problem I was trying to solve for myself.”

For those with food allergies or dietary restrictions, meanwhile, chickpeas are a utility player. They tend to trigger fewer reactions than wheat or soy while furnishing a similar stable of flours, extracts, and nonanimal protein sources. Plus, twice as many Americans believe they have food allergies as actually do, so an ingredient’s status as allergy-friendly can propel it to popularity beyond just those with diagnosable problems. Bouzari sees this as a big motivator for his clients that are developing new products. “Chickpea is one of the five or 10 ingredients that, universally, everyone is okay with putting in their stuff,” he says.

[Read: It may take a global vegetarian movement to combat climate change]

For vegetarians, vegans, or omnivores who want to eat less meat, the bean is handy and transmutable. “It’s available across cuisines, so it’s a pretty easy thing to adapt to people’s diets,” says Alicia Kennedy, a vegan food writer and the host of the Meatless podcast. “It takes on so many flavors on its own, so it’s kind of the chicken of the bean world.” Chickpeas are common in Indian, Turkish, Ethiopian, Middle Eastern, Greek, Italian, and Spanish food, just to name a few, so they’re an easy starting point for American cooks. “Chickpeas just aren’t an intimidating bean,” Kennedy says.

The number of Americans who eschew meat or animal products altogether has held roughly steady in recent decades, but the amount of meat eaten by Americans overall has declined: From 2005 to 2014, red-meat consumption in America dropped by almost one-fifth. The concerns about health and the environment that drove that drop have only intensified in the five years since. Chickpeas are inexpensive and broadly available, and the global cuisines they commonly appear in are ones that de-emphasize meat in ways that Americans are starting to see as more valuable. People in the United States aren’t trying anything new. Instead, they’re regressing to the global mean after generations of profligate meat consumption that many now consider unwise.

In the maybe-not-so-distant future, getting closer to that mean might be more necessity than choice. In a climate that’s getting hotter and drier for many Americans, sustainable and nutritionally dense crops such as chickpeas will likely play an important role in feeding people, as exactly what America can cultivate changes. Chickpeas haven’t dominated global diets for millennia by coincidence, according to UC Davis’s Cook. “Chickpea is very efficient in terms of water use, and in most of the world, it’s grown as a rain-fed crop,” he says. It also enriches the ground it grows in: Chickpeas, like other legumes, release nitrogen into the soil. Cook says that reduces the need for one of the most expensive and environmentally damaging elements of industrial food cultivation: fertilizer made by burning fossil fuels.

Its particular combination of cultural and nutritional circumstances makes the chickpea’s expanding popularity a different phenomenon than Millennial trends that might be dismissively associated with it, such as avocado toast or gluten avoidance. It’s less of a fad, and more of a new norm in what people expect from the food they buy. “People up and down the whole chain, whether it’s people going to the stores or buyers for the stores or product developers, there’s momentum,” Bouzari says. Americans at large are just ready to eat a little differently, he explains. “If someone tried to launch hummus in the American market in March 2019, it would be a phenomenon by September, and you’d be writing about it right when football season started.”

from The Atlantic https://ift.tt/2W3KKUn

[ionecoffman]

In the Future, Everything Will Be Made of Chickpeas

In 2007, Poorvi Patodia was pregnant and felt like she was eating too many chips. Her cravings for salty, crunchy snacks were intense, but what moms should eat while pregnant is a touchy subject. “I had this thought of, what else could I be eating that’s better for me?” she says. “I remembered these roasted chickpeas that my mom used to make.”

Patodia started roasting chickpeas for herself. She had her baby and went on with her life, but the thought stuck with her. Her fellow Americans were missing out on something delicious.

Five years later, Patodia put her pregnancy cravings, Indian background, and professional experience in the food industry together and started Biena Snacks, which offers more than a dozen varieties of crunchy, flavored chickpeas. It was the right thing at the right time, even in a country that long ignored the ingredient: The snacks are now available in more than 12,000 retail locations.

Biena is part of a constellation of American food companies like Banza Pasta and The Good Bean that have sprung up around the humble chickpea in recent years, ready to fully integrate a global-staple food into the country’s diets. Now, there are chips made with chickpea flour and vegan butter emulsified with the liquid waste of hummus manufacturing. There’s dessert hummus, which might be one of the more difficult sells in the garbanzo food family tree. Beyond the grocery store, there are viral chickpea recipes to prepare at home, and maybe even some chickpea brine behind the bar at your favorite cocktail spot. (The substance, commonly called aquafaba, can be used to create a fizz without the threat of salmonella borne by a raw egg white.)

Trendy ingredients with health-centric pitches can be easy to dismiss as the domain of affluent coast-dwellers over-estimating the importance of their own preferences. But the spike in chickpea interest in the U.S. has been so profound that it’s even reflected in internet-search data: Monthly Google inquiries have more than tripled since January 2011, when hummus was already commonplace among the country’s more adventurous eaters. In a country increasingly wary of meat, more open than ever to non-western ingredients, and anxious about climate change, the chickpea’s expanding role in the American diet is less a trend story than a logical inevitability.

First, there was hummus: the Trojan Horse in which the chickpea rode into the American diet. “Hummus was one of the first prestige grocery foods,” says Ali Bouzari, a food scientist and culinary consultant who helps companies develop new food products. “Hummus was The Sopranos of the grocery store.” Because of new manufacturing and packaging technologies that had become available around the time of hummus’s 2000s-era ascent, Bouzari says, food companies were able to deliver a fresher, better-tasting product to consumers than the first time snack brands had tried their hand at bean dips—which is essentially what hummus is—in the 1970s.

Hummus’s American expansion was lead by the Israeli company Sabra, which was so successful that PepsiCo bought a 50 percent ownership stake in it in 2008. But the involvement of giant food conglomerates is an indication of hummus’s success, not the cause of it, says Bouzari. “They could not just cram it down our throats if we weren’t going to buy it,” he explains.

Instead, the era’s growing stable of health-conscious consumers wanted something to dip their carrots in besides fat-free ranch dressing. Hummus provided a snack that wasn’t predicated on engineering the good parts out of something they liked, and it benefited from an American populace more open-minded about new foods than it ever has been. It appeared in grocery stores in a time when Americans had already started acclimating en masse to things like sushi, which had been considered intolerably foreign by most Americans for decades. Comparatively, hummus was a small leap.

“It boils down to the fact that people like creamy, starchy stuff,” says Bouzari. “And at this point, the American learning curve for new foods is just insanely short.” He attributes that shift to the internet and travel creating a sense of broad familiarity to more types of food, but also to some fundamental differences in who gets to make decisions in the American food industry. People like him and Patodia, who grew up with immigrant parents and food experiences that deviated from the long-held white American norm, have more power to shape what ends up in grocery stores, as both consumers and industry professionals.

Once hummus became a widely enjoyed grocery-store staple, people at every level of the American food industry saw opportunity in the legume’s versatility. In the Middle East, South Asia, Africa, and the Mediterranean, chickpeas have been a common ingredient in everyday cooking for thousands of years. “The reason chickpea is grown and consumed so heavily in those areas is because of its nutritional value,” says Douglas Cook, the head of the chickpea lab at the University of California, Davis. “It’s an import species, and we’re a bit late to the party.”

One of the chickpea’s biggest sells to modern American consumers is its protein and fiber content. Like Greek yogurt, another familiar-but-foreign food that took off at roughly the same time, the chickpea’s high protein—15 grams per cup when cooked—is seen as evidence of its superior food value in a diet culture obsessed with protein. Indeed, Patodia says that one of Biena’s two biggest consumer demographics isn’t characterized by a particular location or income level, but by a common goal. “They’re struggling or aspiring to eat healthier, but have a hard time with it,” she says. “It’s the original problem I was trying to solve for myself.”

For those with food allergies or dietary restrictions, meanwhile, chickpeas are a utility player. It tends to trigger fewer reactions than wheat or soy while furnishing a similar stable of flours, extracts, and non-animal protein sources. Plus, twice as many Americans believe they have food allergies as actually do, so an ingredient’s status as allergy-friendly can propel it to popularity beyond just those with diagnosable problems. Bouzari sees this as a big motivator for his clients who are developing new products. “Chickpea is one of the five or 10 ingredients that, universally, everyone is okay with putting in their stuff,” he says.

For vegetarians, vegans, or omnivores who want to eat less meat, the bean is handy and transmutable. “It’s available across cuisines, so it’s a pretty easy thing to adapt to people’s diets,” says Alicia Kennedy, a vegan food writer and the host of the Meatless podcast. “It takes on so many flavors on its own, so it’s kind of the chicken of the bean world.” Chickpeas are common in Indian, Turkish, Ethiopian, Middle Eastern, Greek, Italian, and Spanish food, just to name a few, so it’s an easy starting point for American cooks. “Chickpeas just aren’t an intimidating bean,” says Kennedy.

The rate of Americans who eschew meat or animal products altogether has held roughly steady in recent decades, but the amount of meat eaten by Americans overall has declined: Between 2005 and 2014, red-meat consumption in America dropped by almost a fifth. The concerns about health and the environment that drove that drop have only intensified in the five years since. Chickpeas are inexpensive and broadly available, and the global cuisines they commonly appear in are ones that deemphasize meat in ways that Americans are starting to see as more valuable. People in the U.S. aren’t trying anything new. Instead, they’re regressing to the global mean after generations of profligate meat consumption that many now consider unwise.

In the maybe-not-so-distant future, getting closer to that mean might be more necessity than choice. In the a climate that’s getting hotter and drier for many Americans, sustainable and nutritionally dense crops like chickpeas will likely play an important role in feeding people as exactly what America can cultivate changes. Chickpeas haven’t dominated global diets for millennia by coincidence, according to UC Davis’s Cook. “Chickpea is very efficient in terms of water use, and in most of the world it’s grown as a rain-fed crop,” he says. It also enriches the ground it grows in: Chickpea, like other legumes, releases nitrogen into the soil. Cook says that reduces the need for one of the most expensive and environmentally damaging elements of industrial food cultivation: fertilizer made by burning fossil fuels.

Its particular combination of cultural and nutritional circumstances makes the chickpea’s expanding popularity a different phenomenon than millennial trends that might be dismissively associated with it, like avocado toast or gluten avoidance. It’s less of a fad, and more of a new norm in what people expect from the food they buy. “People up and down the whole chain, whether it’s people going to the stores or buyers for the stores or product developers, there’s momentum,” says Bouzari. Americans at large are just ready to eat a little differently, he explains. “If someone tried to launch hummus in the American market in March 2019, it would be a phenomenon by September, and you’d be writing about it right when football season started.”

Article source here:The Atlantic

[nancygduarteus]

In the Future, Everything Will Be Made of Chickpeas

In 2007, Poorvi Patodia was pregnant and felt like she was eating too many chips. Her cravings for salty, crunchy snacks were intense, but what moms should eat while pregnant is a touchy subject. “I had this thought of, what else could I be eating that’s better for me?” she says. “I remembered these roasted chickpeas that my mom used to make.”

Patodia started roasting chickpeas for herself. She had her baby and went on with her life, but the thought stuck with her. Her fellow Americans were missing out on something delicious.

Five years later, Patodia put her pregnancy cravings, Indian background, and professional experience in the food industry together and started Biena Snacks, which offers more than a dozen varieties of crunchy, flavored chickpeas. It was the right thing at the right time, even in a country that long ignored the ingredient: The snacks are now available in more than 12,000 retail locations.

Biena is part of a constellation of American food companies like Banza Pasta and The Good Bean that have sprung up around the humble chickpea in recent years, ready to fully integrate a global-staple food into the country’s diets. Now, there are chips made with chickpea flour and vegan butter emulsified with the liquid waste of hummus manufacturing. There’s dessert hummus, which might be one of the more difficult sells in the garbanzo food family tree. Beyond the grocery store, there are viral chickpea recipes to prepare at home, and maybe even some chickpea brine behind the bar at your favorite cocktail spot. (The substance, commonly called aquafaba, can be used to create a fizz without the threat of salmonella borne by a raw egg white.)

Trendy ingredients with health-centric pitches can be easy to dismiss as the domain of affluent coast-dwellers over-estimating the importance of their own preferences. But the spike in chickpea interest in the U.S. has been so profound that it’s even reflected in internet-search data: Monthly Google inquiries have more than tripled since January 2011, when hummus was already commonplace among the country’s more adventurous eaters. In a country increasingly wary of meat, more open than ever to non-western ingredients, and anxious about climate change, the chickpea’s expanding role in the American diet is less a trend story than a logical inevitability.

First, there was hummus: the Trojan Horse in which the chickpea rode into the American diet. “Hummus was one of the first prestige grocery foods,” says Ali Bouzari, a food scientist and culinary consultant who helps companies develop new food products. “Hummus was The Sopranos of the grocery store.” Because of new manufacturing and packaging technologies that had become available around the time of hummus’s 2000s-era ascent, Bouzari says, food companies were able to deliver a fresher, better-tasting product to consumers than the first time snack brands had tried their hand at bean dips—which is essentially what hummus is—in the 1970s.

Hummus’s American expansion was lead by the Israeli company Sabra, which was so successful that PepsiCo bought a 50 percent ownership stake in it in 2008. But the involvement of giant food conglomerates is an indication of hummus’s success, not the cause of it, says Bouzari. “They could not just cram it down our throats if we weren’t going to buy it,” he explains.

Instead, the era’s growing stable of health-conscious consumers wanted something to dip their carrots in besides fat-free ranch dressing. Hummus provided a snack that wasn’t predicated on engineering the good parts out of something they liked, and it benefited from an American populace more open-minded about new foods than it ever has been. It appeared in grocery stores in a time when Americans had already started acclimating en masse to things like sushi, which had been considered intolerably foreign by most Americans for decades. Comparatively, hummus was a small leap.

“It boils down to the fact that people like creamy, starchy stuff,” says Bouzari. “And at this point, the American learning curve for new foods is just insanely short.” He attributes that shift to the internet and travel creating a sense of broad familiarity to more types of food, but also to some fundamental differences in who gets to make decisions in the American food industry. People like him and Patodia, who grew up with immigrant parents and food experiences that deviated from the long-held white American norm, have more power to shape what ends up in grocery stores, as both consumers and industry professionals.

Once hummus became a widely enjoyed grocery-store staple, people at every level of the American food industry saw opportunity in the legume’s versatility. In the Middle East, South Asia, Africa, and the Mediterranean, chickpeas have been a common ingredient in everyday cooking for thousands of years. “The reason chickpea is grown and consumed so heavily in those areas is because of its nutritional value,” says Douglas Cook, the head of the chickpea lab at the University of California, Davis. “It’s an import species, and we’re a bit late to the party.”

One of the chickpea’s biggest sells to modern American consumers is its protein and fiber content. Like Greek yogurt, another familiar-but-foreign food that took off at roughly the same time, the chickpea’s high protein—15 grams per cup when cooked—is seen as evidence of its superior food value in a diet culture obsessed with protein. Indeed, Patodia says that one of Biena’s two biggest consumer demographics isn’t characterized by a particular location or income level, but by a common goal. “They’re struggling or aspiring to eat healthier, but have a hard time with it,” she says. “It’s the original problem I was trying to solve for myself.”

For those with food allergies or dietary restrictions, meanwhile, chickpeas are a utility player. It tends to trigger fewer reactions than wheat or soy while furnishing a similar stable of flours, extracts, and non-animal protein sources. Plus, twice as many Americans believe they have food allergies as actually do, so an ingredient’s status as allergy-friendly can propel it to popularity beyond just those with diagnosable problems. Bouzari sees this as a big motivator for his clients who are developing new products. “Chickpea is one of the five or 10 ingredients that, universally, everyone is okay with putting in their stuff,” he says.

For vegetarians, vegans, or omnivores who want to eat less meat, the bean is handy and transmutable. “It’s available across cuisines, so it’s a pretty easy thing to adapt to people’s diets,” says Alicia Kennedy, a vegan food writer and the host of the Meatless podcast. “It takes on so many flavors on its own, so it’s kind of the chicken of the bean world.” Chickpeas are common in Indian, Turkish, Ethiopian, Middle Eastern, Greek, Italian, and Spanish food, just to name a few, so it’s an easy starting point for American cooks. “Chickpeas just aren’t an intimidating bean,” says Kennedy.

The rate of Americans who eschew meat or animal products altogether has held roughly steady in recent decades, but the amount of meat eaten by Americans overall has declined: Between 2005 and 2014, red-meat consumption in America dropped by almost a fifth. The concerns about health and the environment that drove that drop have only intensified in the five years since. Chickpeas are inexpensive and broadly available, and the global cuisines they commonly appear in are ones that deemphasize meat in ways that Americans are starting to see as more valuable. People in the U.S. aren’t trying anything new. Instead, they’re regressing to the global mean after generations of profligate meat consumption that many now consider unwise.

In the maybe-not-so-distant future, getting closer to that mean might be more necessity than choice. In the a climate that’s getting hotter and drier for many Americans, sustainable and nutritionally dense crops like chickpeas will likely play an important role in feeding people as exactly what America can cultivate changes. Chickpeas haven’t dominated global diets for millennia by coincidence, according to UC Davis’s Cook. “Chickpea is very efficient in terms of water use, and in most of the world it’s grown as a rain-fed crop,” he says. It also enriches the ground it grows in: Chickpea, like other legumes, releases nitrogen into the soil. Cook says that reduces the need for one of the most expensive and environmentally damaging elements of industrial food cultivation: fertilizer made by burning fossil fuels.

Its particular combination of cultural and nutritional circumstances makes the chickpea’s expanding popularity a different phenomenon than millennial trends that might be dismissively associated with it, like avocado toast or gluten avoidance. It’s less of a fad, and more of a new norm in what people expect from the food they buy. “People up and down the whole chain, whether it’s people going to the stores or buyers for the stores or product developers, there’s momentum,” says Bouzari. Americans at large are just ready to eat a little differently, he explains. “If someone tried to launch hummus in the American market in March 2019, it would be a phenomenon by September, and you’d be writing about it right when football season started.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/03/chickpea-products-have-exploded-popularity-us/584956/?utm_source=feed

[shirlleycoyle]

What It’s Like to Smoke Salvia for Science

This story is part of When the Drugs Hit, a Motherboard journey into the science, politics, and culture of today’s psychedelic renaissance. Follow along here.

We’ve all seen the YouTube videos.

They usually start with someone taking a hit from a pipe while their friend laughs behind the camera. Within seconds, the subject loses motor control and any sense of where—or who—they are. As the high peaks a minute later, they are seized by laughter or succumb to terror as their hallucinations devour reality. Perhaps they have traveled to space, struck up a conversation with the salvia gods, or experienced eternity in some ineffable psychedelic landscape. Regardless of where the high takes them, however, the journey is always a short one. Just a few minutes after dosing they’re back in reality, sober as a judge, and a little curious as to how they ended up hanging upside down off the couch.

This is salvia divinorum—arguably the strangest and least understood naturally occurring hallucinogen ever discovered.

In 2008, a report by the New York Times pointed to an abundance of online videos of people experimenting with salvia as “exhibit A” in the push to make the substance illegal throughout the United States. But it wasn’t just the videos. The stigma around salvia is also due to the nature of the trip itself, which is characterized by its vivid hallucinations and intense dissociative effects. Almost everyone I know has either tried salvia or knows someone who has, but I’ve yet to meet anyone who enjoyed the experience.

Although I’ve had several unpleasant salvia experiences myself, I recently volunteered to be a participant in the first-ever brain imaging study on salvinorin A, the main psychoactive compound in the salvia plant. Only a handful of salvia studies have ever been conducted on human subjects and this study was the first time that researchers were able to watch the brain as it was tripping on salvinorin.

“This is the first step off the cliff into the void,” Fred Barrett, a cognitive neuroscientist at Johns Hopkins University and the lead researcher on the salvia trial, told me. “This will essentially be setting the roadmap of where future [salvia] research will take us.”

Salvia divinorum. Image: Wikimedia Commons

WHY STUDY SALVIA DIVINORUM?

Salvia divinorum grows wildly in the cloud forests of southern Mexico, where the Mazatec people have consumed the plant ritualistically for centuries. Although the ritual use of salvia by the Mazatec was first described by American ethnobotanists in the early 60s, it wasn’t until the mid-90s that scientists identified salvinorin A as the main psychoactive compound that produces salvia’s hallucinogenic effects.

In the past 25 years, only a handful of human research trials on the effects of salvia have been conducted. The lack of research on such a potent psychedelic is odd, especially because it is legal in many US states. Barrett said he thinks the lack of research on salvia likely has to do with the fact that salvia trips often suck.

“Salvia’s not a typical drug of abuse,” Barrett said. “It’s a very powerful drug and it can have very dysphoric effects, but when people encounter salvia, the normative response is ‘that was terrible, I’m never going to do that again.’ There’s no salvia crisis, so frankly I don’t think the community of scientists who typically study drugs of abuse has really cared.”

A structural image of the author’s brain taken in an MRI machine directly before he was dosed with salvia. Image: Johns Hopkins University/Motherboard

Starting in the late 90s, concentrated extracts of the salvia divinorum plant started cropping up in smoke shops throughout the United States. These extracts are rated based on concentration of salvinorin A relative to natural levels (e.g., 10x concentrate, 20x concentrate, 30x concentrate, and so on.) These ratings are only an approximation, however, since the salvinorin content of the leaves and the preparation methods of extracts can vary drastically.

Salvinorin A is unique in both the effects of its high and the chemical’s mechanism of action in the brain. The drug is infamous for its rapid onset, dissociative effects, and intense visual and auditory hallucinations. Although the subjective effects of salvinorin A are wide ranging, past surveys of salvia users have identified a number of recurring features of salvia trips.

“People are still consciously aware of something while they’re experiencing salvia, it’s just something completely different than what everyone else in the room is experiencing.”

In 2015, a team of Spanish researchers collaborated with Johns Hopkins to produce a study on the subjective effects of salvinorin A at various doses. Among the experiences frequently reported by users were “tunnel or window-like visions…geometric patterns…other worlds of multiple colors…objects were felt as being associated with the body…and a perceived inability to interact with one’s body and surroundings.” One user reported an encounter with “magical beings…wearing garish dresses, similar to the clothes of a royal court jester.” As the researchers noted, carnival-themed imagery had also been reported in several other studies on the subjective effects of salvinorin A.

“With a high enough dose you have a clean break from what we would consider consensual reality,” Barrett said. “People are still consciously aware of something while they’re experiencing salvia, it’s just something completely different than what everyone else in the room is experiencing. Really strong and reversible manipulations like this are of huge interest in the basic neuroscience of consciousness.”

The author’s “prescription” for the salvinorin A trial. Image: Daniel Oberhaus/Motherboard

Salvinorin A also has a highly unusual mechanism of action in the brain: It targets the kappa opioid receptor, one of four types of opioid receptors and arguably the least understood. In this respect, salvinorin A is much different from “classic” psychedelics, such as LSD, mushrooms, mescaline, and DMT, which all act on the 2A serotonin receptor. Salvinorin A, however, bypasses the 2A serotonin receptor entirely.

“These two classes of drugs work in completely different ways, but they both lead to these profound alterations in consciousness,” Barrett said. “If you have two drugs that can give you similar strengths of change in consciousness, but a different character of change in consciousness, then you have a really interesting research question: How can we use these compounds to better understand changes in consciousness and the therapeutic effects of those changes?”

For Barrett, one of the most interesting neurological questions about salvia is how it interfaces with the claustrum. As detailed in a 2005 study, the “enigmatic” claustrum is a “thin, sheet-like neuronal structure…that is remarkable in that it receives input from almost all regions of the cortex and projects back to almost all regions of the cortex,” the wrinkly outermost region of the brain that plays a fundamental role in consciousness. According to Barrett, another notable feature of the claustrum is that it has the highest density of serotonin 2A and kappa opioid receptors in the brain, and both of these receptors are targeted by two very different classes of consciousness-altering hallucinogens.

“One of the things we expect is there to be pretty vast changes in the way the claustrum communicates with different brain regions,” Barrett told me. “We’re also going to look for differences in the activity and connectivity of the default mode network, the executive control brain network, and the brain network involved in reward and emotion processing.”

Barrett and his colleagues see the unique effects of salvinorin A as a promising way to learn more about some of the most fundamental aspects of neurobiology. In this respect, my participation in the salvia study was a small contribution toward a greater understanding of consciousness, memory, and embodied experience.

One of two “session rooms” at Johns Hopkins University, which are made to look like a living room so that subjects feel more relaxed while they’re tripping. Image: Daniel Oberhaus/Motherboard

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO SMOKE SALVIA FOR SCIENCE

I was first introduced to salvia when I was a freshman in high school, and by the time I graduated I had smoked it about a dozen times. In retrospect, I would not describe a single one of those experiences as “pleasant,” “enjoyable,” or “fun.” The last time I used salvia was almost a decade ago, and during that trip I became convinced that I had been irreversibly transformed into a suspension bridge. Good times.

Despite a history of bad experiences with the substance, I volunteered for the Johns Hopkins salvinorin A study out of a suspicion that salvia probably had more to offer than what I experienced in high school. As a teen, each of my salvia experiences was under less than ideal conditions—usually at a party or in a park after curfew. These sorts of situations lend themselves to paranoia and anxiety, which don’t mix well with a strong dissociative hallucinogen. I figured if the settings were changed to a relaxed environment where I was surrounded by medical professionals, perhaps the nature of the trip would as well.

In the weeks leading up to the study, however, I began to feel a little anxious about where the trip would take me. I’ve had strong psychedelic experiences previously while taking ayahuasca and mushrooms, but on each of those occasions the negative parts of the trip were offset by the positive aspects. Not so with salvia. Each time I’d tried salvia the experience had been uncomfortable at best and terrifying at worst. At the end of a trip I never felt as though I had gained some profound insight or mental clarity, but I did often feel as though I’d been through hell and back.

The Johns Hopkins Behavioral Biology Research Center, where human trials for hallucinogenic substances are conducted. Image: Daniel Oberhaus/Motherboard

Ahead of my visit to Johns Hopkins, I asked about the dose strength I’d receive during the trial so that I could mentally prepare myself for the experience. Due to the study protocols, however, Barrett and his colleagues were unable to give me much information. All they could tell me was that I’d be smoking a “moderately high dose” of pure salvinorin A and that it couldn’t really be compared to the salvia extracts sold in smoke shops because it was the pure molecule, not plant matter.

Read More: Stop Policing Psychedelic Science

When I arrived at Johns Hopkins for the first day of my clinical trial, I was ushered into one of the two session rooms at the hospital. These rooms are furnished so that they resemble a living room to allow study participants to feel relaxed when they’re tripping. There was a couch against one wall flanked by a coffee table that held a lamp and a small mushroom statue. The walls are decorated with tasteful, vaguely psychedelic artworks and a Tibetan prayer flag hung in the corner. If it weren’t for the small camera pointed at the couch and workstation in the back of the room, one could almost believe that this was a living room rather than a laboratory.

The first day of the study was mostly just to establish a baseline health profile and make sure I was qualified for the trial. Participants in the study were required to be in good health, experienced with using psychedelics, and with no personal or family history with a psychotic disorder. Screening for this involved a routine physical exam, an extensive psychiatric interview, and several of the most interesting questionnaires I’ve ever completed (sample questions: “Have you ever had encounters with intelligent entities during previous psychedelic experiences?” “ Did they tell you anything about the future? ” and so on).

The following day, I met with John Clifton, a Johns Hopkins research assistant, and Manoj Doss, a postdoctoral researcher who specializes in memory. Clifton and Doss were going to be my trip sitters during my salvia sessions, so for about an hour and a half before my first dose we talked about our lives to get a bit more familiar with each other.

For the first salvia session I laid on the couch and donned an eye mask while Doss sat at the far end of the room with the smoking apparatus. The simple device consisted of a small glass bulb with a plastic hose connected to the top and was described to me as an “FDA-approved crack pipe.” Along the bottom of the bulb was a barely noticeable residue of a white crystalline substance, which I was informed was one dose of 99.9% pure salvinorin A.

I was given one end of the hose and instructed to begin a 45-second long inhale as Doss vaporized the salvinorin A with a butane torch. At the same time, Clifton began to play a new age soundtrack through speakers and came to put his hand on my leg to ground me during the trip. When the 45 seconds were up, I exhaled and felt the effects of the salvia almost immediately.

Read More: Meet Dave Nichols, America’s Trippiest Chemist

The first thing I noticed was the feeling of my body dissolving. Shortly after I began feeling the physical effects, the hallucinations began. I felt as though my head had split in two and a patterned stream began flowing from both sides of my face. This stream was a “harlequin pattern” of large brown and white diamonds that flowed away from me and began to form the “boundary” of an infinite three-dimensional space. These diamonds continued to tessellate to an infinite point and I felt as though I were suspended above this expanse, hanging like a figure head hangs off the bow of a ship.

Throughout the trip, I remember being overcome by the profound beauty of the scene I was witnessing. If I tried to focus, I could remember that in base reality I was in a room in Johns Hopkins, but that didn’t alleviate the feeling of being in an entirely separate reality, as though I were sitting in a container that cordoned me off from the ‘normal’ world.

Overall, the experience was quite pleasant. I only had a brief moment of panic when it seemed like one of the notes in the new age soundtrack had been held for far too long. I began to worry that time was dilating and that I might be trapped in this space for eternity. When the music progressed to the next note, however, the panic quickly subsided and time resumed its normal cadence.

A structural scan of the author’s brain. Image: Johns Hopkins University/Motherboard

This entire experience only lasted for about three minutes. The return to base reality was as abrupt as when I left it. At a certain point, the diamonds in the harlequin pattern began to stretch larger and larger until the entire world was brown, which eventually faded to black. At the same time I began to be aware of my body again and could feel Clifton’s hand resting on my leg. I didn’t feel any sort of panic or unease, but I found myself taking long, deep breaths as I came down.

This first trip was a sort of test run to make sure that I could handle the highest dose I would receive the following day in the MRI machine. The most important thing, however, was to make sure that I remained absolutely still during the trip since even slight movements in the MRI machine can ruin the brain scan. Fortunately, one of the more common effects of salvia is a sense of not having a body, which renders users immobile. According to Clifton and Doss, I stayed still as a rock throughout the trip.

The following day, I met Doss and Clifton in the basement of the main Johns Hopkins Hospital, where MRIs are done. Magnetic resonance imaging basically involves putting your body inside a very powerful magnet and creating an image of your internal organs by studying how the magnetic field interacts with your body. After being warned that the NFC chip I have implanted in my hand might act as a conductor and get burning hot during the scan, I was strapped into the machine for a structural brain scan. After this was completed, I would be given two doses of salvia. One dose would be as strong as the day before and the other could be anything from a placebo up to a dose as powerful as the one I experienced the day before. I wouldn’t be told in advance which dose was which.

I had never been in an MRI machine before and it didn’t take long to realize that it wasn’t exactly the best environment for tripping. For starters, MRI machines are very narrow—there’s hardly any room to move your body, but that’s because you’re not supposed to. Since this was a brain scan, however, it meant that I would also have to wear a tight, full face helmet on top of my eye mask.

I also learned that MRI machines are very, very loud. They sound like a huge laser firing dozens of times per second. It sounds absolutely terrible and I grew concerned about how it would affect the trip. To make the noise a little less awful, I was provided with a pair of MRI-safe headphones that would play loud new age music during my trip to partially drown out the sound of the machine.

During my first dose of salvia in the machine I didn’t feel anything at all. This meant that it may have been a placebo, a very low dose of salvinorin A, or that I had made some error during inhalation. (If you swallow during the 45-second inhalation, for example, it can result in air being pushed back in the tube and the salvinorin A won’t be delivered.)

During the second dose, however, the effects once again began almost as soon as I had finished my 45 second inhale. After feeling my body dissolve from my chest outward, I began to see two pinwheels form in front of my eyes. These pinwheels began moving away from me and morphing together into a rotating tunnel. I remember feeling an intense desire to go into the tunnel and a sense of frustration at being unable to move toward it. After I accepted that I wouldn’t be going in the tunnel that day, however, I spent the remainder of my trip watching a harlequin pattern—green and yellow this time—flow across its surface. As the trip wound down, the tunnel began floating over the back of my head. I tried to tilt my head back to keep following it, only to realize that I still couldn’t move. Once the tunnel had disappeared, however, I regained feeling in my body and once again was in base reality. I was glad to find that my chip had not become blistering hot during the experience.

Compared to the day before, the trip in the MRI machine was slightly less intense. The reason, I think, was that the loud and persistent sounds of the MRI machine kept me tethered to the outside world and I was unable to fully immerse myself in the world that the salvia was generating. Still, I would describe it as a pleasant and visually striking experience. Now all that remains to be seen is what Barrett and his colleagues saw in my brain as I was chasing psychedelic tunnels.

After my trip, I met with Doss and Clifton to discuss the experience and do an exit questionnaire. I was told that I would likely be the twelfth and final participant in the study and that over the next few months Doss, Barrett, and their colleagues would begin the arduous task of analyzing brain images. According to Barrett, they will be comparing images of my brain on salvia to images of my sober brain to look for any differences in neural activity between these two states. My brain image will then be compared with the images of the 11 other volunteers to see if any patterns of activity emerge through the comparison.

“This is a basic roadmap,” Barrett said of the study. “We’re shooting a flare out in the desert in the dark to get a general idea of where the road is. Then we can point our car in the direction of the road and start to look for the road signs we need to pay attention to.”

The decision to volunteer for the study was a small contribution toward a better of understanding of one of the world’s strangest hallucinogenic drugs, but it also ended up being one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. After a few weeks of reflection on the experience, it’s made me realize the importance of considering the context when discussing the regulation and use of psychedelic substances.

In 2009, the Maryland government considered a bill that would have outlawed the possession of salvia divinorum. If it had passed, getting the necessary approval to run the study I participated in would be prohibitively difficult and likely would never have happened. In fact, it was only due to the passionate defense of salvia presented by Roland Griffiths and Matthew Johnson, both pioneers of psychedelic research at Johns Hopkins, to the Maryland senate that the plant remains legal in the state.

Like all the other anti-salvia legislation that was passed in the early 2000s, the Maryland bill was a product of reactionary fear over a misunderstood substance. We’ve all seen the YouTube videos, of course, but salvia has much more to offer. Like the other “classic” psychedelics, it may provide a deep insight into the nature of consciousness or prove to be a potent medicine for a variety of psychiatric illnesses. We’ll never know, however, unless we are allowed to take that plunge into the deepest regions of our psyche—if only to see what we might find.

What It’s Like to Smoke Salvia for Science syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[lenaglittleus]

How Exercise Can Improve Bone Density

Until nine years ago, Isabelle Daikeler thought about bone health like most healthy people do: She didn’t. Not often, at least. And why would she? As a track and field coach at UCLA, she made a habit of practicing what she preached, and her body reflected her efforts. Solid, strong bones were almost a given.

“I exercised regularly, I ran triathlons, I worked with collegiate and Olympic athletes—my life revolved around athletics,” says Daikeler, a renowned fitness and nutrition expert, and co-creator of Shakeology. “My bone density was amazing.”

She never imagined that could change. But the birth of her son left her with severe hip instability that prevented her from working out. “Every time I try to exercise, the head of my femur moves an inch, and I’m in pain,” says Daikeler. “I’ve tried everything to rehab my hip, but so far nothing has worked, and the result is that I have not been able to do any kind of weight-bearing exercise for nearly a decade.”

So when she received the results of a DEXA scan showing osteopenia (below normal bone density) in her lumber vertebrae, she was disheartened, but not surprised. “My calcium and vitamin D levels are good—everything else that is important for bone health is great,” says Daikeler, adding that she knew her lack of vigorous physical activity might eventually catch up with her. She just didn’t think it would happen so quickly—or that she’d be in such good company if it did.

As many as 44 million people in the United States suffer from low bone mass (many unknowingly), placing them at an increased risk of developing osteoporosis—a debilitating disease characterized by weak, brittle bones that affects more than 10 million Americans. In many cases, a lack of exercise is at least partly to blame. Oftentimes, it’s wholly responsible.

“And that’s one of the things I try to educate people about now—the importance of exercise to improve on every level, including bone health,” says Daikeler.

Like muscle, bone becomes stronger when challenged. Scientists have long known that it responds to physical stress—the radiating impact of a heel striking pavement, the repeated tug of a muscle contracting against resistance, the torsional force of a body winding up for a kick—by reinforcing its internal structure and remodeling itself to better handle that stress when challenged. But what has eluded researchers until recently is the type, intensity, and duration of exercise that works best for shifting bone building into high gear.

“We still don’t know the optimal amount of exercise for increasing bone density,” says Victoria Stiles, Ph.D., a senior lecturer in sport and health sciences at the University of Exeter, in England. “But we’ve found that it has to be intense, and we finally know the minimum dose, which can be measured in minutes.”

The Anatomy of Bone

Bone is a living tissue with a rigid, honeycomb-like structure comprised of collagen and calcium. Like every other tissue in the body, it has nerves, blood vessels, and cells, and is in a constant state of “remodeling,” breaking down and rebuilding itself like an endless construction project. Indeed, about 10 percent of the average adult’s bone mass is remodeled each year.

“People tend to think that bone is a solid, static thing,” says Stiles. “But it is always responding, always regenerating.”

Bone formation outpaces breakdown until sometime between the ages of 25 and 30, at which point the body achieves peak bone mass and remodeling plateaus for about a decade. “Bone-strengthening exercise is important throughout the lifecycle,” says Pamela Hinton, Ph.D., an associate professor in the department of nutrition and exercise physiology at the University of Missouri. “But during periods of skeletal growth, exercise is especially effective at increasing bone mass and strength.”

That’s important because the more bone you build before the age of 30, the more you’ll have in the bank when bone density begins its slow, steady decline at around the age of 40. The process is hastened in women thanks to a decline in estrogen (a key bone mass regulator) that occurs during menopause, but it can have serious consequences for men as well: After the age of 50, approximately one in two women and one in four men will break a bone—usually in the hips, spine, or wrists—due to osteoporosis, according to the National Osteoporosis Foundation. If such a fracture happens after the age of 80, the potential consequences are grim: Thirty percent of octogenarians who break a hip die within a year of doing so, according to researchers at the Mayo Clinic.

“But even after the cessation of skeletal growth, exercise can still increase bone mass and slow the rate of age-related bone loss,” says Hinton.

In short, it’s never too late to start exercising to preserve bone density, and once you do, it’s not something you ever want to stop.

How Exercise Strengthens Bones

In order for exercise to affect bone density, it needs to be high impact and weight bearing. That’s why activities like running, basketball, volleyball, gymnastics, soccer, tennis, weightlifting, and high intensity interval training can have a profound effect on bone formation—they increase the load on your bones, forcing them to adapt so that they can better tolerate the strain imposed by those activities. It’s also why activities like walking, swimming, and stationary cycling (AKA “spinning”), while effective for weight loss and improving cardiovascular fitness, have minimal impact on bone health. Being non-weight bearing, they don’t increase the load on your bones, and thus don’t provide enough stress to cause an uptick in remodeling.

When you lift a weight, stretch a resistance band, jump (and land) repeatedly, or pound the pavement, you create a compressive force that causes fluid to flow within your bone tissue. Cells called osteocytes detect that flow, and trigger an increase in bone formation as a result. “The degree of flow is proportional to the strain imposed by the exercise,” says Stiles. The greater the strain, the greater the exercise’s potential impact on bone remodeling.

Weight-bearing exercise can also stimulate bone formation in a way that is similar to how it stimulates muscle growth: By damaging bone tissue on the cellular level. This “micro-trauma” initiates a healing response, but the body doesn’t just repair the damage—it reinforces the bone’s collagen and calcium matrix to make it stronger than it was before. “New bone isn’t just laid on top of old bone, like some people think,” says Stiles. “The bone changes its structure and increases its strength right down to its core.”

Just 12 months of resistance training is enough to increase bone mineral density more than one percent, according to a recent study by Hinton and her colleagues at the University of Missouri. That might not sound like much—until you consider that it roughly matches the rate of bone loss after the age of 40, and that participants in the study exercised as little as twice per week.

At this point, it’s important to note two things. First, “the effect is site specific, meaning only the loaded bone gets stronger,” says Hinton. If you’re a runner, that means you’ll need to add upper body work (in the form of strength training) to your program if you want to optimize bone formation above your waist. Second, it is possible to get too much of a good thing.

“We don’t know the upper limit yet, but we do know that overtraining can be a problem, especially in women,” says Stiles, explaining that, much like menopause, it can cause a reduction in bone-regulating hormones, such as estrogen. “That’s one reason you need to build sufficient recovery time into your workout program.”

Here’s another: Like muscles, bones don’t grow stronger during workouts, they grow stronger between them. If you never allow your bones enough time to complete their repair process, you’ll never optimize your bone density. “You’ll also increase your risk of injury,” says Stiles.

The Importance of Nutrition

Proper nutrition plays a key role in the recovery process as well. But it’s not just about consuming the recommended 1,000mg of calcium per day or getting enough of the vitamins and nutrients that help you store it (such as vitamin D, potassium, and manganese)—you also have to make sure you’re consuming enough total daily calories, according to a review in the journal Current Sports Medicine Reports. The researchers found that some runners’ bone density is no greater than that of people who don’t exercise at all, and one of the primary reasons is that many runners don’t take in enough calories to meet their energy needs.

Another reason is the repetitive nature of distance running, according to the researchers. “When you do a lot of steady state exercise it becomes a bit like white noise to bone cells—they become desensitized to the constant stimulation and basically switch off,” says Stiles. “Brief bursts of intense exercise seem to work best for improving bone density.”

That doesn’t mean you should stop running if that’s your thing—just make sure that “long slow distance” isn’t the only way you enjoy it. Incorporate intervals, tempo runs, and other intermittent, high intensity efforts into your training plan, and don’t forget to strength train once or twice a week. If you’d like to cover all of your fitness bases (muscular, cardiovascular, and bone) at the same time, consider high intensity interval training (HIIT). You’ll find it in many of the programs available on Beachbody on Demand, including CORE DE FORCE, TurboFire, and INSANITY.

Of course, all of this advice assumes that you’re healthy enough for high-impact, weight bearing exercise. Not everyone is. “I’m getting there,” says Daikeler. “I’m slowly figuring out how to perform weight bearing exercise that doesn’t aggravate my hip, and it involves a lot of patience and upper body work, which isn’t something I’m used to doing.”

But like every other fitness goal, building stronger bones is worth doing. Many people consider increased bone density a fringe benefit of exercise, but the reality is that its right up there with losing weight and becoming stronger—especially when it comes to aging.

If you’re looking for a convenient and cost effective way to get those benefits right at home, check out Beachbody on Demand. Becoming a member gives you access to resistance training programs such as P90X, 21 Day Fix, and Body Beast; high intensity interval training (HIIT) programs like INSANITY and CORE DE FORCE; and lung-busting, functional fitness workouts, like those in Shift Shop. There’s something for nearly every exercise preference and fitness level. Sign up today and start building dem bones!

from News About Health https://www.beachbodyondemand.com/blog/bone-density-exercise