#and when he sings about australia it makes me miss that place so much. the yearning never stops. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ahundredtimesover · 3 years ago

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This is How We Break | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: exes au; angst, fluff, smut (18+)

Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption, motorcycle driving under the influence, motorycle accident, break-up and post-break up pain, sexual content (unprotected sex but be safe please!), JK has a tattoo sleeve and eyebrow piercing (18+)

Word count: 20.6k

Summary: There are things you prepared for coming back home and that includes seeing your ex-boyfriend, but helping him design his apartment isn’t one of them. From meetings over coffee and lunches with your friends, you both learn more about the time in-between, and what you find out leave you heartbroken, wondering if there’s enough of you left to try to get back what you’d lost.

“You know what they say about past lovers remaining friends? It’s either they never loved each other to begin with, or they still do. And we all know how much they loved each other, don’t we?”

A/N: Another exes AU? Where someone leaves then comes back?? 🤔 YUP!! I wasn’t supposed to write this so soon but things are hard and I needed an outlet.

~~// These italics refer to flashbacks // ~~

Listen to: Two Ghosts and Falling by Harry Styles

The thrumming of your heart drowns out the music and your friends’ laughter from the backseat, as if taunting you to only focus on its beating. But not even Jimin and Areum’s narration of their botched dine in the dark experience and Yoongi’s snickers and soft hums can calm you down.

“Hey.” Your best friend next to you pulls your ear to get your attention. “You okay?”

You open your eyes but focus on the street outside. “Yeah, just nervous to see everyone.”

“Don’t be. Everyone misses you,” Yoongi comforts.

“Everyone?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Well, almost everyone,” he laughs.

“Gee, way to ease my nerves, Yoon,” you slightly punch his arm.

“I’m kidding” he says, as he pulls the brake to park. “But hey, you had weeks to prepare. You know you’re gonna see him. He doesn’t.”

The thought shouldn’t terrify you as much as it does. But Yoongi’s right. While you arrived just yesterday, your trip back home was a month in the making and in that timeframe, you resigned from your job in Australia, accepted a job offer in Seoul, got a place of your own… and went over the different scenarios that could play out tonight.

Surprising your good friend Da-eun during her engagement party is one thing, but knowing you’ll see your ex-boyfriend there is another. It’s something you can’t avoid, given that she’s set to marry Namjoon, said ex’s best friend, so better to get over this as soon as possible.

It seems easier said than done, though, as you don’t really know what to expect.

It’s been three years since you packed your bags and left the only home you’d ever known and you haven’t heard from or of him since. It helps when you’ve got friends who know you well enough to not talk about him with you. And while the breakup wasn’t bad, it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That was seven years of your life, and that’s long enough to have you lose parts of yourself you’d never get back.

You shrug off the thoughts, knowing it wouldn't be a good idea to dive into your feelings right now, minutes before you see him.

Areum opens the door for you and entangles her arm with yours as you walk the block to your friend’s place. “We’ve got your back, okay?” She affirms. “Tell us when it gets too much and we’ll leave.”

“I’ve had a month’s worth of pep talk from you guys and myself. I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Still an option,” Jimin chimes in. “Jungkook was the love of your life at one point, ___. I don’t think any amount of pep talk can really prepare you for seeing him again.”

This time, you hate that Jimin’s right.

Areum rings the doorbell and shortly after, Da-eun’s sing-song voice greets you, followed by a shriek and inaudible words as you’re enveloped in a hug.

“Holy shit. ___, is that you?” A familiar deep voice calls out, prompting you to look up at the tall figure standing before you.

“Hi, Joon. It’s me,” you giggle, as your friend pulls away. “Congratulations by the way.”

“I— wow,” the man says, slack jawed. “We didn’t know you’d actually be here. I mean, we sent the invitation as an FYI and—“

“Are you telling me I’m not wanted here?” You playfully cock an eyebrow.

“No, of course not. We miss you a lot,” Namjoon flashes his comforting dimpled smile. “It’s just… you left so abruptly and we just… didn’t think you’d come back.”

There’s a pang in your chest at his words that you disregard. “Well, I’m here. For good. For now at least,” you smile back. “I hope you have space for one more.”

“Of course, please come in.”

Da-eun drags you inside, excitedly chatting you up and scheduling lunch with you the next day. Your eyes scan the apartment while you listen, greeting and hugging the several people you recall from your college days.

You do a double take as you settle on a familiar set of doe-eyes, but they’re not hiding behind long dark locks like they used to.

He has a glass in hand, laughing with a guy in a beret, and even from where you are, you already know what he sounds like.

Surely, no pep talk can prepare you for this. He’s in black jeans and a printed ivory polo, sleeves rolled up to this elbow to reveal his right tattooed arm. He’s got multiple jewelry on both ears and even on his eyebrow, which are easily seen because of his short hair that’s parted in the side.

You smile at the thought, as he’d long ago ranted about wanting tattoos and piercings but that having them wouldn’t sit well with his parents, given their aspirations for him to become a lawyer, which he was on the way to achieving. You wonder if they’d stopped nagging him about it.

He looks more refined and mature now, if you’re being honest. More than anything, he looks happy.

You smile at this until he meets your gaze, choking on the drink that’s halfway down his throat. His eyes squint to try to get a better look at you, a habit of his that you always adored. You giggle at this and make your way towards him, your friends urging you with their looks.

You walk around the other people in the living room and by the time you’re near him, his friend has wandered away.

“___?” His questioning voice greets you.

Looking at him up close causes your heart to skip a beat. He’s even more handsome than you remember, with his cute nose he used to boop yours with, his sharp jawline that got your attention when you met at a college event, and his expressive eyes that always revealed his emotions without him even saying them.

He has a certain glow that you’re unsure you’ve ever seen on him, and he looks absolutely beautiful.

“Hi, Jungkook. It’s been a while,” you give him a warm smile. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

“Three years is a while?” He giggles, his eyes crinkling, his small laugh a sound that used to make you melt, a stark contrast to his strength and now, to his tattooed and pierced look.

“You know me and my sense of time,” you return.

“I do, actually.” He mirrors your smile. “But it’s nice to see you, too.”

You groan at the faint knock on your door, curious as to its unsure sound but irked at its timing. It had been another sleepless night. Waking up at 5AM, you decided to just do the chores that you’re in charge of this weekend, since your roommates Jimin and Areum are off to another out-of-town date and Yoongi is in his hometown to watch a concert.

You finished half an hour ago and had fallen asleep with the TV on - a usual Sunday occurrence whether you clean or not. Work is tiring enough as it is and your once energetic and wandering self has slowly lost its inspiration to do your weekend market explorations and ice cream runs by the river.

Your mind has stepped on the brake of making plans, of trying out new things, of joining your friends on weeknights or even weekends for some karaoke or drinks at a rooftop bar.

The 7-day week is just not enough, even more so a 2-day weekend. Saturdays are usually spent with Jungkook, and Sunday is the only time you have for yourself, which you usually spend sleeping or chowing down your favorite ice cream or watching your house flipping shows.

It’s why you’re confused when you see your boyfriend standing by your door, with an expression on his face that you can’t quite read. You used to be good at that, figuring him out, but it seems that you haven’t been good at it for a while.

“Kook? What are you doing here?”

Jungkook knows you don’t mean it in a bad way, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less. He remembers a time when you’d excitedly ask him when the next time you’d see him would be. He realizes now that you haven’t done that in a long while. There used to be elation when he’d tell you that he could spare some time aside from your usual Saturday house dates. He realizes, too, that he hasn’t heard that squeal nor seen the eye-reaching smile you used to greet him with for some time.

Perhaps it’s another sign he was hoping he wouldn’t get.

You were supposed to see each other yesterday but you had a work event and he didn’t mind, as he had a paper to work on, too.

“Alright, I’ll see you next week,” you’d said. Not even Sunday, which would’ve been today.

He thought about that a lot; too much, in fact, that he didn’t finish his paper. He didn’t actually get much done for the rest of the week, failing his graded recitation and barely passing a pop quiz.

There was a time when you’d make time out to visit him in his dorm near the university if he was too busy to see you on a weekend. It didn’t matter if it was too far from your place, or if you were too tired. You’d go regardless because you wanted to see him.

He realized yesterday that he doesn’t remember the last time you’d visited him there.

You hadn’t seen each other in three weeks - work and law school have done that to both of you. That last time you were together was just like any - he came over to your place, like he had whenever you agreed to meet up. He brought lunch, you had sex, then tried to watch a movie you both passively decided on, had sex again, slept, then you ordered dinner. The same thing that happened the week before that. Then the week before that. And before that.

It wasn’t the stagnancy that bothered him; it was your passiveness. Your dates used to consist of cafe hopping and shopping and hitting the gym - a little something for each of your interests - but somewhere along the way, you’d both resigned to staying at your place. Sex and food. They’d become the only things you now shared.

But it was still time with you, and he always enjoyed it wherever you spent it, no matter how little, and regardless of what you did. But he can’t really say the same for you.

It’s not that you don’t have time for each other anymore - that never seemed to be an issue. “We don’t find time for each other, Kook,” you used to say. “We make time.” Now you barely do.

You used to send texts that you miss him already after he’d just left your apartment. You used to send him new date spots you’d found online or a new restaurant you wanted to try or a new movie that’s out. You used to be excited for study and work dates.

You used to make itineraries for trips you’ll both take one day.

You used to remind him about how simple you want his proposal to be.

You used to urge him to visualize your wedding theme and laugh about the entrance songs you’d have.

You used to go over baby names and the kinds of bedtime stories you’d tell them.

That day when you didn’t bring him to the door for a goodbye kiss is when it hit him - he doesn’t remember the last times. The proper date. The thoughtful gift. The calendared trips.

The planned future. The one you used to be so sure about. The one you made him believe in. The one you’re supposed to share together.

His mind has been paying more attention to things since then and it sent him into a spiral. You’ve never felt so far away from him. And he’d never felt more alone.

Seven years with you and it’s the first time he’d ever felt this. Your sweet notes, your little gifts, your cute surprises, your loving looks, your soft caresses. Your emotion-filled ‘I love you’s.’ He used to hang on to them. But how can you hang onto something that’s been slowly withering away?

He doesn’t remember the last time he looked at you and felt loved.

What hurts him more is that deep down, he knows exactly why.

“Kook,” You repeat impatiently. “Is there something you need?”

You stand by your door with your arms crossed, as if it hadn’t been three weeks since the last time you’d seen each other.

“Can we, uhm. Can we talk?” He asks nervously, unable to meet your eyes.

You slowly drop your arms and turn your gaze away. “Yeah. I think we need to.”

Jungkook follows you to the living room where you pull aside the blanket on the couch and sit some feet away from him, your hands clasping together and throat drying.

You let the silence envelop you both, something that’s been a companion of yours for the past year or so. The tension is much thicker now and as you glance at him, with his elbows on his knees and head buried in his hands, you know that the day you’d once dreaded has come.

You feel your tears fall down as he releases a long breath, his sniffles following shortly after. From your peripheral vision, you can see his sweater paws cover his eyes.

He knows it. So do you.

That’s why you both sit there, with the distance between you feeling even more suffocating, and you let your joint cries fill the space with the heartbreak that’s something you’re both slowly starting to accept.

“I thought it was normal,” he starts. “I actually thought it was good; that we’d gotten so used to each other, to the comfort, to everyday life, whether we were together or not. I didn’t realize it was us already falling apart. And I don’t really know when it started.”

But you knew. It started when the intimate moments lost their intimacy, when the ‘good mornings’ and ‘good nights’ lost their meaning somewhere along the way. It’s when the ‘how was your days’ were just out of habit, both of you being too preoccupied to read between the lines. It’s when the conversations only revolved around him complaining about his professors and you about work. It’s when the silence lost its comfort, when everything else became noise. When missing him became too tiring, until you stopped missing him altogether.

Truth be told, Jungkook knew it, too. It started when sex had become his form of stress relief, when the giggles and pillowtalk died down until he’d forgotten how they sounded like. When the weekend dates had slowly become a chore. It’s when he’d stopped asking if anything was wrong whenever you sounded upset or unreceptive, when he wouldn’t call back if you didn’t answer the first time. When he’d seen the admiration in your eyes turn to sadness, then resignation, then pity. It’s when you stopped trying, and so did he.

But neither one of you has the heart to voice these out, unwilling to accept them with finality - that somewhere down the road, you’d stopped fighting for each other.

He turns to you, waiting until you turn to him, too. “I tried to make sense of it in my head because you always held me together, you know? I’d look at you and no matter how down or stressed or confused I was, you were always the answer.”

“And now?” You finally find your voice.

“Now?” He croaks. “I can’t look at you without feeling like I’m a failure. Because you look at me like one. And I can’t blame you.”

The tears waterfall down your face as you try to hold yourself together. You see him stop himself from reaching out to you, as he tucks his clenched fists under his arms.

“Kook, you know I don’t mean that.”

“I’d rather that you do because that’s easier to accept than knowing that the love just died. That we just fell out of it. I’m losing you because I disappointed you, because I failed you, not because we stopped loving each other.”

“Why is that easier?” You question.

“Because I can blame myself. And I would rather that I carry that blame than you.”

“Is that how you want this to end? Me blaming you?”

“What would you blame yourself for?”

“We don’t have to blame anyone. It doesn’t have to be someone’s fault,” you argue. “I don’t want you to carry this with you.”

“But I will, because I know this is on me,” he says with a heavy sigh. “At least, that’s where I trace it to. I’m the one who failed law school more than once, but I keep trying because I don’t know what else to do, because I can’t break my parents’ hearts and so I end up breaking yours. You talk about your 10-year plan with me and I can’t even think past tomorrow.”

Jungkook wipes the tears that he can no longer control. “That’s not fair to you, to keep on waiting for me to get my shit together. Because I know you’re tired, you’ve been waiting so long. That’s why you stopped trying.”

“And that’s not fair to you, too.” You fill the silence with your words.

“I don’t know how not to love you, but I also know I’m not doing it right anymore. I’m not what you need anymore, ___.”

It hit him like a truck that day, looking at you as he went out the door, searching for the light of your smile and finding that the sparkle in your eyes was no longer there. He doesn’t know how to bring those back.

“I haven’t been good to you, Kook. You’re not the only one disappointing the person you love,” you admit. “But I’ve given so much of myself and my time for you and I don’t know how much longer I can do that. I keep thinking of future ‘us’ because how we are now isn’t making either one of us happy anymore.”

It was an epiphany on your end as you cried to Areum one day, thinking of the immense love you have for someone you’d spent the last seven years with, but how that has plateaued and you’re finding that it’s not enough for it to see you through another year anymore. Seven years is too long a time to not be moving forward.

Move in together, get engaged, get married, have children. It’s a future you’d held onto until you could no longer imagine how that would look like, with all the time that's passed. The excitement of all the things you’d do together died down, and you’d found it hard to look forward to anything.

“I can’t have you keep waiting for me and I can’t keep disappointing you, ___.”

There’s a quiet and mutual acceptance of how things are. It’s ironic how in the moment when all the emotions and issues are expressed, it’s the time you both agree.

That’s what happens sometimes. People don’t just grow apart, they stop growing in love, too.

He moves closer to your crying form and takes your hand in his. He kisses it, slowly, as if to savor your touch one last time. He doesn’t want to do more, afraid he’ll want to take everything back, so he settles for this. His goodbye.

You bask in this, too, the feel of his lips on your skin, an effort to soothe your hearts that are aching. There’s pain, but there’s trust that it was not intended, that it was not meant to hurt. It only does because it was real. The love is there, it’s just not what you both need.

You look at him with a smile, the warmest one you’ve given him in a while. Amidst a flow of tears, you mouth your ‘I love you’s,’ and you keep in your heart the hope that if you don’t find each other again in this lifetime, you will in the next. Maybe then it’ll be enough, and you could spend the rest of your lives together. You hope. And that’s your goodbye.

Jungkook stands up and heads out. He looks at you one last time. There’s still no light in your smile nor a sparkle in your eyes. If he’s lucky, maybe he’ll see them again one day.

The door clicks and your world shatters. Quietly, but surely. Just like how it ended. No fight, no raised voices, no gasping for air, no pleading to fix it.

It’s part of life, you think - you hurt as much as you love, and the way you feel right now only tells you one thing - you love him with everything you have.

The days turn into weeks.

You go through everyday as usual, but with weekends spent at your parents’ and some weeknights with Areum, Jimin, and Yoongi at a cafe or a park.

Your friends have gotten used to your silence, though. They hold your hand when it starts to shake, sleep next to you when you’re unable, remind you of basic things when you forget, finish your sentence because you lose your train of thought.

This is how you break. Slowly. It’s not sobbing while you eat ice cream. It’s quietly crying - while you take a shower, while you make your coffee, while you lie in bed at night. It’s not the pounding in your head nor the excruciating pain in your chest. It’s feeling like there’s nothing inside you - just hollow and numb. How are you supposed to feel when half of you is gone?

But that part of you that’s left thrives. It continues to live and hope and seek that excitement, seek that joy somewhere, anywhere.

It’s two months later during breakfast when you tell them.

“I’m pushing through with the design course in Melbourne,” you say in between sips of your coffee.

Areum can’t help the smile on her face. “The one you deferred last year?”

You nod.

It was an impulsive application, as you were on a high from your visit to your sister. Jungkook couldn’t join you because of school so you’d gone on your own and fell in love with the city. You joked about moving there, but deep down it was a desire you suppressed because your life had always been here. The love of your life was here. There’s nothing keeping you from leaving now.

“I think it’ll be good,” Jimin says. “You talk about it all the time. I always felt like you just needed a reason to leave. Now you do.”

It’s another month later when it finally happens.

“I’ll miss you but I hope you find it,” Yoongi whispers as you give him the final hug.

“Find what?”

“Yourself? Your joy? Your inspiration? Whatever it was that you lost here. I hope you find it.”

“What about love, Yoon?” You ask, genuinely curious.

“That’ll follow, ___.” He smiles, and it’s that push you need to enter the airport gates, off the place where you hope you’ll find all those things, too.

The days turn into weeks.

Jungkook goes through a dizzying roller coaster of emotions. Some mornings he wakes up energized - he goes through his readings with ease, aces his recitation, and analyzes the assigned cases well.

Some nights he can’t sleep, tossing and turning in his bed, trying to erase the image of you from his mind. The pain is constant, demanding itself to be felt, reminding him of what he lost, of what he didn’t fight for.

Losing you had been effortless, but why is it becoming more difficult convincing himself that he did what he had to?

It’s in the third month when he realizes he’s been at the bottom far longer than usual, feeling like a shell of the man he once was, losing focus, finding himself lost and uninspired.

“I just feel like I need to see her,” Jungkook tells Namjoon and Jin, his college roommates and best friends, over bottles of beer. “I just… I need to hear her tell me that I’m okay, that I’ll get through this.”

“Why do you need to hear it from her? We tell you this everyday, Jungkook.” Jin eyes Namjoon, as the pair tries to get a feel of who should be the comforter or the reality checker this time.

“I’m lost and confused and I miss her. Maybe when I look at her this time, I’ll know the answer.”

“What if you see her and still feel like a failure?” Jin asks.

Jungkook stares into his empty glass. “Isn't that still an answer?”

It’s shortly after when he decides to go to your place, his heart beating out of his chest. He left parts of himself with you here and he’s desperate to find even the smallest pieces to feel even a semblance of the man he was when he was with you.

Curious eyes greet him as the door opens, something that Jungkook returns. Da-eun is a good friend of yours but had always lived with her wealthy parents; he’d rarely seen her here.

“Can I see her?” He asks.

“She’s… she’s not here, Jungkook.”

“I can wait then,” he sighs. “I just… I just need to see her.”

“I mean, she’s not here anymore,” Da-eun responds, the sadness in her voice permeating through his veins. “She left a week ago.”

“Where… where did she go?”

“Australia, to her sister.” Yoongi appears in the hallway, a sullen look on his face. “She’s there to study and work, thinking that a change of scenery would be good.”

The hole in Jungkook’s heart comes out of nowhere, and he feels it getting bigger by the second. Suddenly he can’t breathe.

“She loved it there,” Jungkook stammers. “I missed that trip with her. She used to say she couldn’t wait for us to go together.” He sighs. “I’m glad she made the move.”

Yoongi and Da-eun watch him try to hold himself up, seeking support by the door as he furiously wipes the tears from his eyes.

“She left a few things,” Yoongi says. “You’re free to take them if you want.”

“That’s not necessary,” Jungkook replies, head down as he wills his cries to stop. “I’ll go ahead. Thanks, guys.”

“Take care of yourself,” are the last words he hears as he walks away.

They fall on deaf ears, as two weeks later, Jungkook hears the loud banging on his door and the jingling of keys.

He’s ready for the lecture, for his friends to pull him from underneath the covers and slap some sense into him. But they don’t happen.

Instead he hears the clanking of broken glass, of his bookshelf being propped back up on the wall, of his books being stacked on top of each other. And then it’s his dishes being washed, then the washing machine turning on, then some more sweeping, and more things being arranged.

“There’s a place to go if you want to destroy things,” Namjoon says. “Don’t do that to your home.”

“This isn’t home,” Jungkook sighs.

“We’ll take you there,” Jin says, sitting on the edge of the bed and removing the pillows and blankets over his friend. “Your parents asked us to fix your papers, file your LOA then drive you back to Busan.”

Jungkook sits up, puffy eyes and dark crescent moons painted underneath. His collarbones and ribs are protruding without effort. “I didn’t get my answer. She left even before I could.”

“Maybe you’ll find it somewhere else.” Namjoon kneels next to him. “Whatever it is, it’s not here.” There’s a crack in his voice that Jungkook’s never heard before. “Do it for yourself, Kook. Do it for her.”

Jungkook looks at his best friends, fear and worry painted on their faces. There was you, then his parents, then his friends. He’s run out of people to disappoint. He can’t do any worse than this.

“I don’t know what to do,” he sobs, burying his face in his hands. “Please, take me home.”

This is how he breaks. Like he was floating aimlessly until he crashed to the ground, the shell of what he once was shattering at the impact, with pieces of himself scattering all over. It was a false sense of comfort, thinking that he’d be okay with losing you, knowing that this was his choice, his call. That he could live with the blame like he’d said, but he was wrong. The pain cuts through like a knife, and he’s afraid he’d let it stay there.

Life is funny sometimes, Jungkook thinks.

He has a favorite black jacket that he left at your apartment all those years ago; it was in the box that Yoongi offered for him to take the day that Jungkook went looking for you only to learn you’d already left. He said no then, but later changed his mind. It was something you’d bought him and a piece of your relationship he wanted to keep, so weeks after that day, he went back to your place with Namjoon. It was that day when his best friend met Da-eun.

Three years later, Jungkook reunites with you at the engagement party of your friends, who’d met because of a jacket that he just had to retrieve. One that is currently hanging inside the coat closet of this very apartment.

He can’t help but laugh at the thought.

“What is it?” You giggle, knowing his tendency to zone out then laugh at something he remembers.

“I was just thinking we can claim that those two lovebirds are getting married because of us,” Jungkook motions towards your friends, hands wrapped around each other’s waists, entertaining the guests.

“We can,” you chuckle, thinking back to Da-eun shyly telling you over your weekly video call with your best friends some years ago about her liking Namjoon. “That should be part of your wedding speech for him.”

“Oh it will be. That way I can claim that I did something for him for once in our lives.”

“Hmm,” you sip on your champagne. “I can’t wait to hear that speech.”

Jungkook’s ears perk up. “Glad to know you’ll still be here by then.”

“I’m back for good, Jungkook,” you peer at him. “I’ll definitely be here, for their wedding, their baby shower, their kid’s 5th birthday. I’ll be here for everything.”

“Melbourne wasn’t all you thought it would be?” He smiles with a cocked eyebrow, wishing you wouldn’t take it the wrong way. And you don’t.

“Oh, it was everything I thought it would be,” you smile. “But I’d taken what I needed from there, found whatever it was I was looking for.”

Jungkook doesn’t prod, unsure if he’s ready to find out what you mean, which really could be anything. But seeing you now after so long, looking even more beautiful than he remembers, he doesn’t want to break this little bubble you’ve both created in the past 5 minutes since you walked over to greet him.

“If that’s the case, I’m really happy for you ____."

“Thank you, that means a lot, Jungkook.”

You mirror his smile, one that he missed so much. It’s what he stopped seeing on you during that last year of your relationship, and this is what he hoped then, that you’d have this look on you once more.

He sips on his glass, his lifted arm revealing a bit of the tattoos decorated there.

“And you?” You gesture to the black ink. “Your parents finally convinced that tattoos can actually be covered and you wouldn’t go to court and meet clients in short sleeves?”

“Well, they’re still not crazy about the idea, but as a guy who runs his own video production company, I don’t need to hide it, do I?” He smirks.

Your lips part and your eyes widen in amusement. “You did it? I mean, you’ve only talked about it in passing but… wait, what about law school?”

“It wasn’t for me. I mean, I think failing classes multiple times should’ve been the giveaway,” he scratches the back of his neck. “But yeah, my parents kinda figured that out, too.”

The silence is palpable but it’s not tense nor awkward. You’re just looking at him, trying to wrap your head around what he’d just said.

“Taehyung is actually running it with me,” he motions to the guy in a beret whom he was talking to earlier.

The said man pipes in. “There you go, about time you mention me.” He turns to you with a sweet smile and puts his hand out. “I’m Taehyung.”

“Hi,” you return. “I’m ___.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says with a slightly embarrassed look. He recovers with another smile, shaking his head. “You. I mean—“ he winces at Jungkook’s glare. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“So, business partners, you say?”

“Yeah. We were actually schoolmates in elementary and met up again as a pair of lost, 20-somethings living off our parents’ hard-earned money,” Taehyung says nonchalantly. “One day we just said, screw it, let’s set up our own business. Thanks to my charms, we got things rolling.”

“Yes, it was all totally because of his charms,” Jungkook playfully rolls his eyes.

“He’s a pretty good video guy, too,” Taehyung adds, causing laughter from all three of you.

“That sounds amazing, really. I mean, I didn’t know you went back to Busan,” you tell Jungkook.

“I needed a change of scenery, I guess. But we saw an opportunity here. We’ve filmed music videos for some of the artists that Namjoon wrote songs for so we had a pretty good start.”

His smile is shy but it’s genuine, and even then, he holds himself with so much pride. Jungkook always enjoyed being behind the camera, offering his services to friends back in college for any school project that needed filming done.

You always thought it was a viable career option for him but his parents never thought so, adamant that becoming a lawyer was the direction for him. You knew it was their frustration and had wanted Jungkook to live out their dream, and he just followed because it was the only path he’d known.

And now, you can tell how fulfilled he is, as both men share stories of the videos they filmed and the clients they’ve catered to. They also film for advertisements and a few events. It’s just been over a year but it seems like they’re a pretty on-demand duo.

“What about you? I don’t think I’ve seen you around yet,” Taehyung states with a slightly innocent smile on his face.

You don’t know how much he knows but you indulge him anyway. “I just got back from Australia yesterday, actually. I was away for three years.”

“Hmm,” Taehyung cocks an eyebrow. “Any reason why you came back?”

“A dream job offer,” you smile. “I get to work on design and write about it.”

“Oh you’re a designer? Maybe you could—“ Taehyung gets cut off by a glass on his mouth that isn’t by his own doing.

“Finish your drink, Tae, so you can sober up quickly and drive home safely,” Jungkook says. “Can you grab me a beer when you get your water? Thank you!” He says, pushing his friend away.

“And you’re not sobering up?” You giggle.

“Joon asked me to sleep over,” Jungkook smiles as he finishes his drink. “But yeah, maybe I should slow down a bit so I could make sure that Jin doesn’t further embarrass himself in front of that girl he likes.” He motions to his other best friend, who’s clearly drunk trying to do a handstand.

“Oh my god, he hasn’t changed one bit,” you chuckle.

Jungkook joins you in laughter until he excuses himself to help Jin out. You settle with your friends with their smug faces, asking how the little reunion went.

“Better than I expected. I mean, I didn’t embarrass myself and he doesn’t seem to hate me,” you say. “And he’s been doing so well and I think he’s really happy.”

“You still read him so well, huh?” Areum nudges you.

“When we broke up and for a time before that, he barely looked me in the eyes. In those 20 minutes we were talking, that’s all he did.”

“I’m just saying, I learned proper client engagement from Tae and he always badgered me about looking the person you’re talking to in the eyes. I was just applying what I learned,” Jungkook raises his arms up in surrender.

“Yeah, but she’s not your client and that seemed more,” Jin states matter-of-factly as he pops a fry in his mouth.

It’s the next week and Namjoon and Da-eun had invited you all for lunch to go over some wedding details.

“You were just imagining things,” Jungkook laughs.

He may lie to his friends but he won’t lie to himself - seeing you was something he wasn’t expecting, as basing it on your social media account, you seemed to be really enjoying Melbourne. He’d only heard from his friends that you were invited to the engagement party but didn’t hold out hope you’d actually come. It's also one thing to show up but another to actually be staying here for good.

You looked so beautiful that night, in your black and white polka-dotted dress and red heels. You had a glow about you and he just needed to know if the light in your smile was back and if the sparkle in your eyes had returned.

They have, and he wanted to savor them until the next time he could see them again.

The teasing continues until the familiar sounds of your friends’ voices echo in the walls of the restaurant. There you are, too, that glow radiating off of you. While you laugh with a man with platinum-colored hair, who pulls the chair for you to sit on. Right in front of Jungkook.

“Hi,” you smile, like you didn’t just cause a tiny crack in his heart.

“This is Hoseok, by the way.” You motion to the man next to you. “Met him in Melbourne and he’s home to visit family.”

You briefly meet Jungkook’s gaze before he turns away. Maybe last week had just been out of excitement, you think.

Hoseok quickly engages with the group, especially with Da-eun whom he’d bonded with the few times she visited you. Things feel so natural, with Jin as the resident entertainer asking Hoseok questions to ease the tension, until he says, “so you and ___ are just friends?”

You and Hoseok look at each other before you giggle.

“Yes, I have a partner back home,” Hoseok confirms.

Jungkook doesn’t miss the smirk that your friend gives him, and he releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He’d only hoped for that light and that sparkle to return to your face and for that moment when he thought it was because of another man, that nook in his heart and his mind that cradled that thought of you holding out for him, shriveled a bit.

Jungkook may have handled himself well that first night he saw you unexpectedly, but with you back home for good, carrying with you the life and memories you created without him, it makes him wonder if he’ll be able to make it through, seeing how you’re both now bonded by the love that your friends are now sharing.

Lunch goes by smoothly, with conversations flowing, inside jokes being shared, and plans being made as you count down the months to the wedding, with the engaged pair insisting that they want to spend as much time with their friends as possible.

The discussion ends up being about Jungkook and Taehyung’s company, how they started, and how they’re slowly establishing a market.

“We’re actually going to be featured in a magazine,” Taehyung announces. “Well, Jungkook is. They’re touting him as someone to watch out for because of his video creating brilliance. It’s good marketing.”

“I thought you’re the charmer?” You tease.

“Yeah, with the oldies. They’re whipped for me,” Taehyung smirks. “But this guy,” he points to Jungkook, “he’s the real crowd pleaser. One look at him then the clients want to contract us right away. I mean, why wouldn’t they? Look at him!”

Jungkook playfully slaps Taehyung’s hand off his face, as his friend pinches his cheeks and chin.

You internally blush because there’s no denying that Jungkook had gotten more handsome the past years, and while you were initially not sold on it when you were together, you’ve got to admit that the tattoos and piercings add to his attractiveness.

“So, how’s the magazine feature coming along,” you query.

“It’s three months away, actually. I had to request to move the date because we're swamped with projects and I wanted to focus on those,” Jungkook explains.

“He’s semi-lying because actually,” Taehyung now slaps his friend’s hand away from him, “he just moved out of our shared place and into his own apartment because I don’t know, he’s grown up now or someth— ouch!”

“The photoshoot is supposed to be done there as like a ‘get-to-know the creator’ type of thing and well,” Namjoon continues, far from Jungkook who can’t touch him. “It’s not photoshoot worthy, let’s just say.”

“Why not?” You ask.

“It’s so bare and uninspiring,” Jin pipes in. “Who would believe someone creates there?”

“It’s because I do the creating in my office,” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“And that’s why we convinced you to get your own place so you’d actually not live in the office anymore and have an actual home,” Jin rolls his eyes back. “Seriously, ___. His office is basically his living studio with a mattress and a makeshift kitchenette. It’s not working.”

“Thanks, I appreciate the support,” Jungkook says sarcastically.

“But that is great marketing, letting readers into your home. Adds to the image of the company,” you smile.

“Yeah, it just needs to actually look like a home,” Taehyung says.

“I’m working on it,” Jungkook grunts. “I have some furniture already and I don’t wanna spend a lot on interior designers who'll just design it the way they want then I’ll have to live with it all for a small magazine feature.”

“You literally can tell them what you want, Jungkook. They consult you, you know,” Areum pipes in.

“Yeah but I don’t like talking.” Jungkook sinks in his seat, feeling exposed in front of you this way.

“Well, if it’s about just designing a space, ___ can do that for you,” Hoseok states this time. “That’s literally how we met. My fashion studio needed some beautification and that’s what she did!”

“Totally. We used the best friend card when she advised us on how to design our apartment,” Jimin says.

“You can use the ex-boyfriend card,” Yoongi snickers.

You’re the one scowling now.

Everyone erupts in laughter and he flashes you his gummy smile in apology even if he knows he’s gonna get scolded by you later.

“There’s no need,” Jungkook shyly smiles. “I can manage.”

Maybe it’s because of how soft he looks right now, or how proud you are of him for putting himself out there when he’d always been so shy to do so. Maybe it’s wanting to help him out, knowing that it’ll be good for the company.

Or maybe it’s yearning to peek into his world, explore what you left behind, be selfish in wanting to see if there are still parts of you remaining.

“I’ll do it,” you exclaim, prompting him to turn to you with wide eyes. “I can’t really call myself an interior designer but I work in design and I’ll help in whatever way I can.”

Jungkook’s words get stuck in his throat, as his mind wanders to the time he’ll be spending with you if he agrees, especially if it will be just the two of you.

But he’s nodding as you tell him that you’re offering your services but he doesn’t have to respond right away, given that you also have a schedule that he’ll have to work around.

It’s a week later when a few of your friends are at your apartment, sort of a welcome thing that Areum and Da-eun convinced you to have since you’ve been away for so long, that Jungkook finds you in your tiny balcony, looking out at the city.

“Hey, is it okay if I join you?” A familiar voice asks. You’d been out here to get some air and alone time, after you’d helped Hoseok puke his guts out and tucked him in your bed for the night.

“Sure.” You make space next to you and motion for Jungkook to take his place by your side.

“How are you liking it back home?” He asks.

“It’s been great,” you smile. “I got my family over this week since I’ve spruced up the place. I’ve been seeing some friends, too, and I really have missed everyone.”

“Your place looks really good, ___. I’d be stupid not to accept your offer of working on mine.”

He’s biting his lips and not meeting your gaze, and you giggle at how nervous he looks. He used to ask for your help over the littlest things before because he wanted to spend time with you even if it was just you editing his paper while you were sandwiched between his legs. Now he looks so shy considering it and it feels bittersweet.

“Yes, you’d be,” you laugh. “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime quality service I’m offering here. Plus I’m letting you use the ex-boyfriend card so just pay for my coffee and we’re good.”

“___, I can’t not pay you.”

“I won’t accept it if you insist,” you smile.

“Fine. Can I add lunch to that payment?”

There’s sincerity in his eyes, a quiet confidence that appeared out of nowhere.

Jungkook thought about this for a week, what spending time with you would mean. He’s not usually an overthinker, but he couldn’t help it with you. He’s missed you, thought about you a lot while you were away, and he’d only hoped for your return. Now you’re back and he’s drawn to you again, like how he was over a decade ago when you’d first met. There’s no hidden agenda, just pure desire to catch up.

“Lunch would be wonderful,” you try to not sound too excited.

You’d thought about this for a week, too. You tried not to think of him when you were away, afraid that any moment of weakness would convince you to go back. But after seeing him, you’d just been longing to know how he’d been, how life has been like. It’s genuine, the care you have for him. You’re seeing in his eyes that it’s the same for him, too.

“I hope this isn’t weird, though,” he laughs. “I mean, we, uh…” He scratches the back of his head.

“We agreed on the breakup, Jungkook. It was heartbreaking but I hope you know I wasn’t angry or anything,” you clarify. “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye but—“

“You had to,” he stammers. “I… Well, you always talked about Australia and you took the chance to move there when you did. I just hope I got to tell you how proud I was of you. And happy. I'm really happy for you.”

He holds your gaze and you can’t help the warmth you’re feeling at his words.

“I’m really proud and happy for you, too, Jungkook. You’re doing what you love to do, and I can only imagine the hard work it took for you to get here,” you say, wanting to hold his hand in comfort but stopping yourself.

“Thank you, that means a lot.”

“So don’t make this weird and I won’t,” you tease. “We can look at your place next week, then we can meet again and I can show you my plans.”

“Sounds good, ___. Coffee before my place, then.”

You’ve missed the warmth and energy of a cafe in Seoul, and you try not to think too much about how searching for a new one to try used to be one of your favorite dates with Jungkook.

Your eyes are wandering, appreciating the minimal design yet cozy feel of the cafe when the door opens and Jungkook comes in, clad in ripped jeans and a plain white shirt, greets the barista, and searches the place. He breaks into a smile as he sees you and you stand to greet him in reflex, realizing what that implies.

You stand in front of each other awkwardly, until you both burst into laughter.

“Oh, what the hell? We’re having coffee. Come here,” he opens his arms out and you approach him and hug him back, smiling into his white musk scent.

“What does having coffee have anything to do with giving you a hug?” You giggle.

“Nothing, actually, I don’t know why I said that.”

You return his smile and proceed to order, with Jungkook recommending their best-sellers, all of which happen to be your favorites. It’s not lost on you that he knows this, too, but there’s comfort in knowing he hasn’t forgotten.

The food and drinks are decided on, with a slice of pie on the house because apparently, Jungkook’s team covered the launch of the cafe when it reopened after rebranding, hence why he's a regular here.

“You sure it’s that and not because the server has a crush on you?” You cock an eyebrow, having noticed the flirty smile on the server’s face right as Jungkook entered.

“Hmm, maybe it is, but she’s written her number on the coffee cup multiple times and I never called; she probably got the message,” he shrugs.

“Oh wow, what a heartbreaker,” you tease. “Is that part of your image now, huh?”

“Tae says it adds to the charm,” he states. “I guess it works though since she still gives me free food every time.”

You both laugh and the conversation takes off. He shows photos of his apartment and shares what he envisioned when he chose it, which isn’t much. He just needed space big enough to work in and do his exercise since he doesn’t want to spend on a gym membership.

You make notes as you go and it’s not long after when you leave the cafe and walk the two blocks to his apartment.

“So, this is the place,” Jungkook says, as he stands in the middle of his semi-empty living room, boasting the “super comfy” leather couch he got for a cheap price online.

It’s a nice loft that he got for a steal, he shares, with good storage space for his exercise equipment that he uses in the common area. The lone upstairs bedroom has a spacious corner, where he wishes to set up his working space. He likes the floor-to-ceiling windows that make up for the lack of outside space, which is fine since there’s a park not far away.

You watch him talk about what else he needs, which is definitely a lot, and he laughs at himself for some of the silly purchases he’s made because the low price attracted him, that last bit not surprising to you.

In this space that is his own - far from the university dorm he didn’t like you visiting him in because of how tiny and unkept it was - where he can rest and create, he looks so free and so much more like himself. Even in your seven years together, it wasn’t a normal occasion seeing him look this proud and this happy.

“I don’t want to limit your creativity so buy whatever you want, don’t mind my budget,” he breaks you out of your thoughts.

“Am I hearing this right?” You fake gasp. “Jeon Jungkook not minding the budget?”

He playfully rolls his eyes. “I obviously have terrible judgment when it comes to purchasing items but I trust you that you’ll make this place feel like home without breaking the bank,” he laughs.

There’s a glimmer in his eyes that you match and you want nothing more than for this place to be something he loves and be even more proud of.

“This was a good purchase and I promise you it’ll look better once we’ve spruced it up. I want you to be really happy here, you deserve it,” you say softly.

“I know I will be,” he returns.

He breaks the comfortable silence by offering to tour you around and taking photos of the areas you ask. He takes you upstairs and begs for you to find him a nice bed so he could replace the mattress he took from his apartment with Taehyung. You assure him of this and ask more questions about how he wants his bedroom to look and what kind of storage he needs.

“Not much,” he says. “I’ve just got a few personal things in here and most of them I’d rather keep in the boxes.”

He doesn’t meet your gaze this time and there’s that thought in your head about which parts of you remain and that maybe, he feels it’s better to keep those in the boxes. Out of sight, out of mind, you think, and you can’t blame him. You left him in boxes, too, afraid of what you’d find if you dared open them.

It’s cliche, but that box which held seven years of your life was kept in the far corner of your closet until you left them with your friends when you moved. It contained many things, like the hedgehog stuffed toy he bought when you said it was cute but couldn’t afford getting a pet, or the dandelion glass lamp he got you as a birthday gift because you insist that’s how fairies are made, or the multiple music boxes he’d find online and surprised you with because you said it was your comfort item. When you returned, they gave them back to you and there again, in the far corner of your closet, is where it lies.

“I think I got everything I need here, Jungkook,” you finally say. “I got the photos and noted your wishlist and I’ll come up with a mood board to guide us.”

“I’ll wait for your call, then. Next time, let’s have lunch.”

With your respective busy schedules, you and Jungkook can only really meet on Sundays for a few hours of shopping, and that always includes lunch. After that first tour, you presented to him your plans, from the color palette to the affordable items you found online. You saved on labor costs by assigning his best friends on paint duty and your friends on furniture assembly responsibilities.

Taehyung convinced Jungkook to have you work on the other rooms that won’t be featured in the photoshoot but still need some love, like his closet and bathroom. They all needed lighting, storage organizers, and design pieces so that they wouldn't look out of place.

You were happy to work on those and only cost you one Wednesday evening before the rest of the items like the pillows, rugs, and paintings arrived.

It’s on that last Friday night, the day before the photoshoot, that you show up at Jungkook’s, ready for the final touches, as the linens and other decorative pieces were delivered as well. All your friends are set to arrive some time later, and you want to surprise them with the new look, as they haven’t seen the place since they helped out a few weeks ago.

“I got you a little something, too.” You hand him the box with a bow on top and he cutely scrunches his eyebrows at the unexpected gift.

“You’re the one doing this for free and now give me a gift, too?” He whines but proceeds to open it, his eyes widening in joy at the single-serve coffee maker that he was eyeing at one of the stores you went to. “You didn’t have to get me this.”

“My boss got a voucher and I sweetly asked her for it. I saved 40%,” you wink.

That appeases him and he gets out the other things inside. You bite your lip as he looks at the scented candles you got him.

“You used to like the bamboo scent I had in my bathroom and just thought that you would… you know, want them here, too,” you say shyly, worried of what he might think.

His smile softens at the gesture because he does love this scent and had been looking for the ones you had but the brand name always escaped him. More than anything, it warms him that of all the gifts you could give, it was this, one that reminded you of your time together.

“I love it,” he says, smelling it. “Just like how I remember.”

You smile and turn away, then decide to work on his bedroom before your friends arrive while he cleans up in the living room and prepares it for dinner.

You pull the crate that holds some of the pieces you’ll set up in the built-in shelf - a vintage camera, framed photos of his friends and family, basketball player figurines, and some decorative items.

Clearly, this shelf isn’t made for not-so-tall people like you, as you try to grab on the sides and other things you can hold onto to keep your balance. As you try to place a frame on the top shelf, you mistakenly grab on a box that falls over before you could catch it, causing all its content to spill on the floor right next to you.

Movie tickets, birthday cards, little notes of good luck on your exam and I miss you, comic strip doodles, photo booth picture strips, and trinkets bring a surge of memories - all seven years of love and laughter and pain in a box. But this one doesn’t live in the far corner of his closet; it’s living on a shelf by his bed, where all his favorite things have found their home.

Jungkook quickly runs up the stairs at the sound of something falling, loudly asking if you’re okay, only to find you knelt down on the floor with a longing smile on your face.

“I was looking for this! I sure thought I lost it but it’s been with you all this time?” You giggle, picking up a photo strip that you both took during a college fair. “And oh my god, this was the cheesiest and cringiest thing I ever wrote to you,” you scowl at a love letter. “I told you to burn this!”

You uncover more things and laugh at the ones you see, the memories vivid with each item you pick up.

Jungkook looks down at you, glassy eyes at the exposure of what he’d been keeping all this time - your memory, all kept in a box within his reach, because he never wanted to let go of it, hoping that one day, when you come back into his life, he can show you that though you said goodbye, it never meant it was the end. Not for him, at least.

He kneels down next to you and laughs along at the notebook of pick-up lines you made for him, and the collection of post-its that you left all over his dorm that one time you surprised him for his birthday, and the Halloween couple photos, and the mixtapes you made for him because they were “more organic than Spotify playlists.”

“Wow, I was such a hopeless romantic,” you laugh.

“I mean, you were dating me. Can’t blame you,” he returns.

“God, you’re still a closeted cocky little shit,” you pinch his arm, causing him to squeal and your laughter blends with his, and it’s a sound you haven’t heard in a very long time, and you’d forgotten how much you missed it.

“Those were the best seven years of my life, you know?” Jungkook starts after the giggling has died down and you both scan the other items on the floor. “I’ll never trade them for anything. You were the best part of me and I wish I’d been better so that we didn’t have to let each other go.”

The silence is close to giving Jungkook a heart attack until you look at him with glassy eyes.

“You were the best part of me, too, Jungkook. I hope you know that, and however we ended, I’m just glad I get to meet you like this again,” you smile. “You have no idea how much it means to me that you’re happy. What these few weeks have shown me is that that's all I ever wanted.”

He wants to say more, that he was happy with you and that he could be happy again with you but the words get caught in his throat. He’s holding onto this, at the image of you holding pieces of your relationship in your hands, clutching them as if you don’t want to let go.

But you do, eventually, as the doorbell rings, signalling the arrival of your friends.

“I’ll clean this up and leave it on the floor because I can’t reach it,” you grin.

He laughs. “I’ll get the door.”

And right as he leaves, the tears you were holding finally fall.

The photoshoot goes by smoothly, with Taehyung sending you photos throughout the day and giving you a play-by-play of the whole thing. Your eyes almost pop out of their sockets as you zoom in, seeing Jungkook wear a familiar black jacket, the one you’d gotten him. You knew he went back to your apartment years ago to retrieve it, as your friends narrated, given that it’s how Da-eun and Namjoon met.

“Nice jacket,” you’d texted Jungkook after the shoot.

“They asked me to wear something nice and I always thought I looked good in this,” he replied.

“You do. And not to inflate your ego but watch your clients increase once these photos are out.”

He laughed then, as your text conversation went on, which had become a regular occurrence, but you also weren’t wrong. The photoshoot and interview were indeed free marketing, as they were posted on social media and widely shared online.

It gave their company exposure, and you as well. With your name credited for the design, as Jungkook insisted, you received a few inquiries about your services, which you happily took on the side.

That only meant that both you and Jungkook became too busy to meet up again, although there was no agreement whatsoever about it. One of you would miss your friends’ regular get-togethers, and it’s two months after your last meeting when you see each other again at a fast food joint for breakfast, en route to a lake house in Gangwon.

Work and wedding planning had been stressing Namjoon out, and he’d insisted on having everyone take the quick hour drive to a place he’d discovered, perfect for relaxing with the lake and mountains as background. It quickly became an anticipated event, as it’s the first time that both Namjoon’s and Da-eun’s friends would go together on a trip. Even Taehyung and Hoseok, who’d extended his stay, were invited.

“I’ve almost forgotten how hectic city life is back here,” you mumble over your afternoon beer as you all settle in the outdoor area, waiting for the noodles and grilled pork that some of the guys are preparing for lunch. “My sister and I would go sailing or drive to the peninsula every weekend in Melbourne.”

“Wow, that’s the life,” Da-eun says as she leans on Namjoon. “I was always jealous of your trips whenever we video called and you showed us where you were. Must’ve been really liberating, considering how stressful work was back here.”

You recall how years ago, working at an advertising agency sucked the life out of you. You were always craving for a trip out of town and everyone in your life then was always too busy to indulge you, especially Jungkook. The times that you did get Jimin, Areum, and Yoongi to go on a trip with you, your then-boyfriend rarely made it.

“It was, and I enjoyed it very much,” you reply. It came with a price, though, as every trip you took just made you think of Jungkook, even if you tried hard not to.

There was always scenery you wanted him to marvel at with you, a meal you wanted to share with him, and an activity you wanted both of you to do together. They were thoughts you kept in a nook in your heart, storing them there at the risk of you breaking at how much you missed him, wishing he was still part of your life. But as you’d convinced yourself, and as was proven, there was a reason you both had to say goodbye.

“I’m pretty sure this won’t compare to there,” Jungkook pipes in, and much as you’d like to disagree that it would be a battle, looking at him being snug in his maroon hoodie, gazing at you then back at the mountains, you don’t want to argue. This is comfort you’ve missed dearly.

The day passes by slowly and quickly at the same time. You spend much of the afternoon fishing with Yoongi and Jin and riding the boat with Jungkook and Hoseok. The evening caps off with some karaoke in the living room, with most of your friends passing out from the alcohol and tiredness, leaving you and Jungkook to clean up the mess because as Yoongi exclaimed, he’d been so tired driving and cooking the whole day.

You and Jungkook wake your friends up and help them to their beds, then eventually pass out in your respective rooms.

The next day, you find out that the engaged pair actually had ulterior motives to the trip, as they reveal wanting your friend group to prepare a dance number during the wedding to entertain the guests.

Everyone whined before being serious about it, with Taehyung taking charge of the production number and Hoseok giving ideas on the choreography, as he promises to be back here in time for the wedding. You join in on the fun, until the part where there’s a couple dance, leaving you and Jungkook as a pair because apparently, Yoongi and Jin have been bonding over fishing and have become inseparable themselves.

It’s a little awkward at first, since the move that Namjoon and Da-eun are insisting on involves holding hands and twirling your partner.

“Oh, what the hell? It’s just a dance,” Jungkook states, taking your hand and spinning you around.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Was that too much?” He worriedly asks, as you lose your balance and fall into his chest because you hadn’t expected the move.

You’re holding onto his sweatshirt as you giggle, and you look up at him with glassy eyes because you couldn’t stop laughing at Yoongi and Jin bickering because they couldn’t decide on who would spin and who would take the lead.

Jungkook laughs with you but turns you to him. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Kook. No harm done,” you smile, and both your eyes widen at the unexpected use of his nickname.

Suddenly, the laughing has stopped and all you can hear are cicadas and the rustling of the wind, only to realize that all your friends have their eyes set on you - your hands clutching on Jungkook while he holds your arms to keep you steady.

Your cheeks warm at the feel of him holding you up, heart thumping at something that used to be so familiar, and you mask it with a smile and an invitation for a round of drinks.

Your friends seem to have a plan in place as suddenly, the ones assigned to prepare dinner disappear to “get some rest,” prompting Yoongi and Jin to have you and Jungkook be on duty tonight.

You go with the flow, knowing that you’re sober enough after chowing down some sweets, and wouldn’t be doing anything crazy with your ex-boyfriend as you try to feed your annoying friends.

“You can just prepare the rice inside, ___,” Jungkook instructs, as he heats the griller for the pork belly. “I can work on this.”

You quickly cook the rice good enough for 10 people and immediately return outside to where Jungkook is seasoning the meat.

“Here, I’ll help,” you say, as you grab a pair of tongs.

“What are you doing? You’re shit at grilling meat,” Jungkook exclaims.

“Excuse me?!” You scowl, placing your hands on your waist. “I’ll have you know I’m good with the barby.”

There’s silence before you and Jungkook burst in laughter, with him doubling over.

“Did you just use your Australian accent on me?”

You warm in embarrassment. “It’s a usual line my sister says to her boyfriend and I tease her with it because she really does suck at it. It just came out.”

“God, that was hilarious,” he says, wiping his eyes from laughter.

It’s not because of how you sounded but more of how unexpected and foreign it was; add to that, your stance made it look like you were genuinely offended.

“Hey, I really am,” you insist. “You could at least let me try.”

Your pout is too cute for Jungkook to reject you, so he steps aside and hands you the plate of raw meat. “Go ahead, mate.”

It’s your turn to laugh at his attempt at an accent, and you’re too preoccupied that you end up standing too close to the griller and with all the fat of the meat, the oil starts to pop, causing you to scream in fear.

“Oh my god, I’m dying!” You squeal, covering your face with your arm.

You feel Jungkook pull you away and grab the tong and plate from you, taking his position in front of you to make sure that the meat doesn't get burned.

“Still good with the barby?” He teases.

“Shut up, I wasn’t prepared.” You pinch his arm as you peek from behind him. “You distracted me.”

“Excuse me, I didn’t do anything!” He laughs, prompting both of you to bicker as he continues to cook the meat and you find a rhythm where you cut into pieces the ones he’s done with.

Not far away, all your friends are gathered in the dining area, sipping on their beers and watching the scene unfold, the smiles on their faces revealing what they’re feeling.

“You know what they say about past lovers remaining friends?” Yoongi asks.

“What?” is the collective response.

“It’s either they never loved each other to begin with, or they still do. And we all know how much they loved each other, don’t we?”

“Shit,” Namjoon groans, massaging his head furiously. “My hangover is terrible.”

“Good thing you’re not driving,” Jin laughs from next to him, sipping on iced coffee. “And thank god that Da-eun isn’t some backward thinker who gives a shit that her fiance can’t drive to save a life.”

“Shut up, she thinks it’s cute.”

Jin and Jungkook laugh at his antics but gush at the silly smile painted on Namjoon’s face. For a songwriter, he’s not very expressive when it comes to love, but Da-eun had opened that part of him that revels in the emotion, in the experience of loving someone with their whole heart, something that he hates being thankful to Jungkook for.

“Last night was pretty crazy,” Jin recalls, as he and Jimin lost a game and as punishment, had to jump in the freezing cold lake.

“Yeah, for you,” Jungkook laughs. “Why must you open your mouth and make a bet out of everything? You always end up doing the consequence.”

“I like living my life on the edge, okay?” Jin retorts. “But I’d like to correct myself. Last night was crazy for us, because our boy Namjoon here was so drunk that he screamed about he couldn’t wait to fuck Da-eun senseless on their wedding night.”

The memory causes laughter among the men, except for Namjoon who buries his head in embarrassment. “Fuck, don’t remind me.”

“I should include that in my speech for you,” Jin teases, earning him a punch on the arm from his friend.

“But like you said, it was only crazy for us. Someone here had a bit of a romantic night, didn’t he?” Namjoon and Jin share smug looks as they turn to Jungkook. “How did you and ___ go from bickering over cooking meat to stargazing while we were all getting drunk?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes but smiles at the memory. Dinner was a long affair and quickly turned to drinking games, which you both joined in at the start. But you stopped early, assigning yourself as this afternoon’s driver, and didn’t want to have a hangover for it.

Jungkook insisted that he didn’t want you to be the only responsible sober one so he retired from drinking early as well. Your friends had gotten drunk to the point of losing their filter when it came to teasing you both, so you separated from them and stayed at the dock by the lake, watching the stars instead. You knew they’d tease even more, but at least you and Jungkook weren’t around to hear them.

“You guys were too loud, and plus, the sky was so pretty last night. You don’t see that in Seoul that much.”

“You guys were out there long. What did you guys talk about?” Jin inquires.

“Many things. I mean, it’s the first time that we didn’t have design stuff to discuss so we just talked about random stuff, like her design course, how my parents took the whole career change, and how life has been recently,” Jungkook smiles, thinking back to how natural it had been with you.

He was enthralled with all your stories, his heart warming at all the things you got to do while you were away, the trips you made, the cuisines you got into, the weird stuff you’d seen and fun things you’d experienced.

You seemed so happy with his stories, too, like when he put out his first video, his first client, the first time he got recommended, and all the projects he has in store.

“We talked a bit about the breakup, too, how we both found it difficult to explain what happened to people who asked.”

“Was it awkward?” Namjoon wonders.

“Not really, I mean, we both agreed it was tricky. Like, how do you explain breaking up with someone you still loved? There was no fight, no breaking point, no ‘last straw.’ But deep down, we both knew it just had to happen,” Jungkook sighs. “If there’s anything I learned, it’s that sometimes the decision makes sense, even if the reasons don’t.”

“She seems really happy now,” Jin states. “Like, she really loved her time out there, and even here. We’ve talked a bit about her job and she still gets stressed but she seems to enjoy it, or at least, she’s not as bothered by the stress, I think. She’s not being consumed with work like she used to; even I noticed that from before.”

“Yeah, she said that, too. She found herself out there and it’s true, you know? You lose yourselves in the people you love,” Jungkook adds. “You guys know it wasn’t easy for us in the beginning, and I think that just took a toll on her at some point but held back because we loved each other. I think the breakup just led to her realizing what was out there, what she lost when she was with me.”

“Are you okay with that idea? That she lost herself as she loved you?” Namjoon asks.

“I guess. I found myself loving her because I didn’t know who I was when we got together; she did. Breaking up was a risk; it was either we’d realize it was a mistake or know we made the right call.”

“Do you regret it?” Jin asks this time.

“Does it matter?” Jungkook sighs. “I think… we were at the point where we’d hurt each other regardless if we stayed together or broke up. It was just about whether we wanted to see the other break and then blame each other for it, or go through the pain on our own and spare the other of the blame.”

The three men settle with the silence as they contemplate on the words.

“Maybe you lasted long enough for it to hurt, but not enough for it to ruin you,” Namjoon says. “If you could stay friends after everything, talk about the breakup while maintaining that respect, and share the memories, I mean, that’s a pretty special kind of love, isn’t it?”

“We loved each other hard. I told you guys then that I knew it was coming, that she felt it wasn’t going anywhere, that it wasn’t working anymore. But she couldn’t do it, so I did it instead so she didn’t have to.” Jungkook lays back on the hammock he’s in as he thinks about that moment of the end.

“There’s that thing I read somewhere, you gotta love someone in a way that they should feel free. She didn’t feel that way anymore; at some point, neither did I. And we had to let each other go, so that if we had a chance again, we could love each other right the next time.”

“Then why don’t you?”

Jungkook thinks about the sound of your laughter, the sparkle in your eyes, and the way your smile comforts him in ways he can’t describe. He thinks about how even now, you push him to be better, to believe in himself and what he’s capable of; how after all these years, your faith in him is still what makes him have faith in the world. You’re every bit the same woman he fell in love with a decade ago, yet you’re different, too. And there’s nothing about you he’ll change.

“I do,” he admits, the words coming out naturally, a declaration that he wasn’t ready to verbalize until this moment. “I just… don’t know about her.”

“Then why don’t you find out?” Jin wonders, as if it’s a question he can easily ask you.

You’ve been responsive, open, welcoming when it comes to the friendship you both share, years after your relationship ended. But it may also mean that’s all you want this time around.

“I’m savoring it for now, being with her like this,” he says, as he briefly meets your gaze while you talk with your friends, prompting you to smile at him. “Her voice was the first thing I missed when she left; I’d like to hear it more in case I lose it again. And I’ll just keep doing what I have the past three years.”

“Which is?”

“Loving her from afar.”

It’s on a Sunday afternoon when Jungkook texts you that he’ll drop by your apartment to return the staging items you lent Taehyung after their company was once again featured in a magazine. You’d said that Saturday night would be okay but Jungkook drank with the guys and ended up sleeping over at Jin’s.

He stands by your door with a paper bag in hand, happy that he gets to have a reason to see you again.

Things have been going well since the trip to the lake. He’s afraid to be deliberate in his intentions with you, so he, with the help of his friends, takes advantage when the opportunity presents itself.

Like sitting next to you during the lunches that Namjoon and Da-eun invite you to, joining you on clean up duty during drinking sessions at Jin’s, agreeing with Taehyung to contact you to consult on some design aspects of their projects so you could meet up for coffee or at their office.

You two talk as friends do - you update each other about work, your families, something new you discovered, and you can talk about your past without bitterness or anger. There’s fondness in the memories, pride in what you’ve both accomplished, and faith that everything turned out as they should.

Jungkook settles for this, as the fear of losing you again is greater than whatever desire he has to be anything more with you.

He waits a while after he rings the doorbell, curious about the chattering and buzzing sound on the other side. It doesn’t sound like Jimin and Areum laughing or you and Yoongi bickering, and he’s trying to analyze who could be around when the door creaks open and he’s greeted by a familiar smile, one that’s always given him comfort - after yours, of course.

“Are my eyes betraying me?” The woman gasps. “Jungkook, my darling, is that really you?”

“Grandma!” Jungkook all but jumps at her.

He lets himself be enveloped in her hug, as he whispers, “it’s me, and I’ve missed you so much, too.”

“Grandma!” You scold. “I told you I’d get the door.”

You look up and your scowl turns into a look of shock. “Jungkook, hi. Uhm, I didn’t know you were coming,” you stammer.

“I thought it would be okay to drop by in the afternoon,” he bites his lips. “I… Well, I texted and I was really just gonna return these.” He hands the paper bag to you but your grandmother takes it then takes his hand.

“Come on inside, darling. We’re preparing dinner.” She pulls him inside your apartment and announces to the rest of your family. “Guess who’s here!”

The noise dies down as everyone turns to Jungkook. You could hear a pin drop as your parents and your younger sister, all wide-eyed and open-mouthed, look at you then at him, then they all break into smiles. They all hug him, leaving you shaking your head and giggling, as you watch Jungkook’s panicked look turn into one of longing and comfort.

Your family loved him. Though they’d voiced out some concerns at one point, given how they’d been a little impatient with how your relationship was progressing, they always knew how much he loved you.

The rest of your family resume their responsibilities, with your father stepping out to grab a few things from the supermarket not far away. You’re hesitant to return to the kitchen to leave Jungkook with your grandmother but she gives you a reprimanding look.

“Go help your mother, sweetie. I’ll catch up with Jungkook. I’ve missed him so much and it’s been three very long years.”

You scrunch your eyebrows at her but also know that she’ll just nag you in the kitchen if she’s not entertained so you give in. “Fine but please, behave.”

Jungkook laughs and you excuse yourself, as you watch them settle on the couch and engage in conversation.

It was all going so well.

Jungkook always adored your grandmother because she’s amusingly blunt. He’d found himself in the middle of one of your arguments with her and he’d long figured out it happens because you’re so alike - you got your warmth from your mother but your passion and feistiness was definitely from your grandmother.

He shares how life has been like, convincing his parents that law school just isn’t for him, and proudly talks about the company and how much you’ve helped, saying that you two have been catching up ever since you got back.

“Oh, darling. You’re just as sweet as I remember,” she says, as Jungkook sits back down on the couch after he helped your mother reach for some things on your cupboard. You shared a quick laugh after that and your grandmother didn’t miss the way Jungkook’s smile softened at your look.

“When you two broke up, I kept thinking that it was temporary, that you’d both come around and realize it was a mistake,” she says. “But she left then I heard from her friends that you went back to be with your parents, too, and I was devastated. I mean, anyone would be a fool to not see how much you loved each other, and as her grandmother, that’s always meant so much, you know?” She smiles. “You looked at her the way her father looks at her mother. It was wonderful to witness.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make her happy,” Jungkook croaks. It’s something that no longer makes him cry but hearing it from your own family hits different. “She’s talked a lot about her time in Melbourne and it really seemed like she found her happiness there.”

“Oh, she did,” your grandmother happily sighs. “She always had a reason to call home, just to tell us what she and her sister had done or gone to. And there was Sam, you know? He was such a blessing to her.”

Jungkook freezes and feels the life drain out of him. It seemed like an unwritten rule - do not talk about your exes with your exes; it was why Jungkook never did because, well, those he dated after you were more like flings than they were relationships. But hearing about someone making you happy when he couldn’t, about that man being a blessing to you when Jungkook stopped being one - it’s causing him a kind of pain he’d tried hard to no longer feel.

“I’m glad he was,” is all Jungkook manages to say.

“Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to,” she continues. “But I truly believe that while people and dreams and needs change, great love doesn’t.” She looks at Jungkook with tender eyes. “Sometimes it takes temporarily losing it to remind us that we can’t, in fact, live without it.”

The heaviness he’s feeling lightens somehow, as he tries to think of this as your grandmother telepathically telling him something more. The moment is disrupted when your father returns and you announce that dinner is ready.

Jungkook’s just about to excuse himself when your mother turns to him. “Stay. Have dinner with us.”

He doesn’t know what to make of it because who invites their daughter’s ex-boyfriend to dinner? But he thinks of how much he’s missed them, too, and that looking back, they’d become his family and he didn’t get to say goodbye.

“That would be nice,” he says, turning to you, who’s got a hopeful smile on your face.

The dinner isn’t awkward, as he slightly worried it would be. There's much interest with his company, and he appreciates them not mentioning the breakup or your exes. They ask about his family, too. You laugh along at the conversation and Jungkook basks in this for a moment.

He wonders if you laughed the same way with Sam, if he’s why the light in your smile and the sparkle in your eyes are back. He scoffs at himself at the feeling of jealousy, even if he doesn’t know much about the man and what you shared.

Jungkook turns to you.

You’re his great love and he knows what it’s like to lose you. Letting you go was the biggest risk, and he could only hope that since then, no one has taken that place of his in your life, too.

The restaurant is buzzing at this peak lunch hour as you settle in between Yoongi and Areum, catching Jungkook’s gaze in the process and you smile. You’d found out after he left your home after dinner with your family that your grandmother had told him about Sam, and you’d scolded her for doing so.

“Why hide it? You said you’re friends,” she shrugged. “Not unless there’s a reason you don’t want Jungkook to know that you loved a man after him. And why that even matters.”

You shook your head in disbelief then, thinking that talking about the man who came after your ex just felt weird. Jungkook never asked and it wasn’t information you offered. Sam was wonderful, would’ve given you the world if you let him, and maybe that’s why it hurt.

Jungkook returns your smile and it’s a genuine one. You don’t want to assume that finding out about your ex had affected Jungkook but you missed his texts this whole week. You mentally scold yourself for even thinking this. Things are going well with him, and that was all you hoped after he walked out your door and out of your life.

��Jungkook?” A high-pitched voice breaks into your thoughts.

You look up to see a gorgeous-looking woman approach your table to where Jungkook is. Clad in a dress fit for a runway, she’s got a lovely face and aura about her that intimidates you quite a bit, even if she looks younger than you.

“Se-won, hey!” Jungkook stands up and the woman immediately wraps her arms around him, kissing him on the cheek then wiping the lipstick stain with her thumb. He looks rather shocked, as he turns to Namjoon and Jin with wide eyes and a worried smile.

They chat a bit, as the rest of your friends settle with awkward exchanges as you steal glances at the pair. From her body language, it’s easy to tell there’s history there.

“Yeah, I’m just having lunch with my friends. Joon’s getting married in a few weeks,” Jungkook says.

“Oh my goodness, that’s amazing!” Se-won shrieks. “I was always secretly jealous of you two. Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” Namjoon smiles. “Back home for vacation?”

“Yes, a quick one. I just did a stopover before my fashion show in Tokyo,” she giggles. “I didn’t expect to run into you guys here, although honestly, I’ve been hoping I would.”

She smiles sweetly at Jungkook and suddenly you’ve lost your appetite. It wouldn’t be a surprise if Jungkook dated after the breakup since it’s something you did, too. You just didn’t think it would affect you this much.

“Well, it’s nice to see familiar faces,” she looks at everyone, and you try to not think much of the seeming familiarity between her and your own friends. “Well, most of them.”

“I’m—“

“She’s a friend who returned home a few months ago,” Jungkook interjects.

“Oh? From where?”

“Australia,” you smile.

“Ugh, I miss it there! Melbourne is lovely but Sydney just felt more like me, you know?” She laughs. “But it’s still too chill and laid-back for me. And Seoul just sucks the life out of you but we all have reasons to come and go, right?”

“We do,” you smile.

As sudden as it was, leaving was one thing you never regretted. This place held too many memories and you felt like suffocating as each day passed. “But Seoul isn’t so bad.”

“I guess, if you spend time away from it,” she shrugs. “I always asked Kookie to leave with me, you know? Even just to go on a cruise in the Caribbean or to spend a week in Italy because I think he’d like that but he insisted on staying, never wanting to leave.”

You swallow the lump in your throat as you look up at her. “You seem to know each other well.”

“Well, it’s a pretty sweet story, actually.” She tucks her hair behind her ear.

Jungkook’s “we don’t have to talk about it” gets drowned out by Se-won’s insistence and she excitedly gets on about their history.

“Really interesting how we met. So it was about two years ago and I was home for a break and this guy was riding his motorcycle out in the evening after - stupidly, I must say - having something to drink and I don’t know, maybe he was going too fast or it was too slippery or maybe he was a little tipsy—“

You focus on her voice while your eyes flit to your surroundings - all of your friends either have their heads down or their hands to their temples, trying to interrupt Se-won while Jungkook has his eyes closed and jaws clenched, probably not wanting to recall an incredibly irresponsible act.

“But anyway, he sideswipes a car that was in the middle of the road and ends up crashing on the ground after his motorcycle flips multiple times and oh my god,” she gasps, “the blood and everything.”

“You, uhm…” you say, after what feels like forever. Your heart is thrumming in your chest and just the image of Jungkook hurt and wounded is making you want to throw up.

“You were at the hospital, too?” You ask, trying to make sense of where she fits into this.

“Oh, no. I was driving the car he sideswiped,” she says matter-of-factly, like it’s such a natural and casual thing to say about an accident.

“I stopped them from filing charges because he just looked, I don’t know, so helpless and miserable and so, so hot I mean, long hair, piercings, just this mysterious look on him and I just wanted to get to know him more, and I did. There was so much sweetness and kindness hiding behind all that sadness. I think he’d just come from a breakup?” She goes on, giggling and dragging her fingers on Jungkook’s arm. “But anyway, we hit it off and it was a whirlwind romance until I had to go back to Milan and he wanted to stay.”

“That’s quite the story,” you manage to say. “How long was he in the hospital for?”

“A week or so, right Kookie? He had broken ribs and a broken whatever and it could’ve been so much worse but he survived. It’s how I met all his friends!” She says excitedly. “I stayed with him in his room everyday and they all came to visit. So it’s so nice to hear that Namjoon and Da-eun are engaged! How about you, Jimin and Areum? Any plans yet? It’s been so long!”

The chatter continues but you’ve completely zoned out. Your heart slows its pace until you’re unsure if it’s even still beating anymore. The accident, the injuries, your friends keeping this from you — everything feels surreal.

It’s Se-won’s high-pitched goodbye that brings you out of the haze and you see her give Jungkook a goodbye kiss and you want nothing more than to sink into your couch and cry yourself to sleep. It’s a heavy feeling, knowing all this, how hurt and scared he was, how much worse it could’ve been, and how he’d carried the experience with him this whole time.

You clear your throat and avoid the looks of your friends.

“I think I ate something bad,” you croak. “I’m not feeling too well, I’ll go ahead okay?”

You don’t bother to wait for a response and you hurriedly head to the door, wanting so badly to disappear as Jungkook runs after you and calls your name.

But you don’t turn back. You let the sound of his voice remind you that he’s still here, he’s alive, and that’s enough comfort. But for now, all you want to do is cry.

You turn your phone off after you send a reply to Areum’s dozens of messages.

“Just give me some time. I’ll call when I’m ready,” is what you send, as you sink into your couch and bury your face on the pillow as you cry for the nth time today.

You made yourself tea, took a long shower, tried to sleep…. But you almost dropped the cup, got burned by the hot water, and kept imagining a hurt Jungkook lying bloodied on the pavement, and you’d given up and just let yourself cry.

You let the noise from the TV drown out your thoughts, slowly calming you down as the tears have now dried up, when you hear a loud banging on your door. You close your eyes to drown that out.

“___, open the door, please,” Jungkook calls out, desperate voice just hoping you’d let him in. “Please. I need to know you’re okay.”

He repeats those words until you admit to yourself that he’s who you need right now, so you drag yourself to the door and open it to see him leaning on your doorframe, eyes glassy and chest heaving from all the effort of trying to get you to open up.

There’s a moment of silence as you look at his form - healthy, clean, alive. And he’s here with you, breathing the same air, living the life he’s always wanted.

Then you break, your sobs spilling out and reverberating through the hallway, your throat hurting as it strains from your cries. Strong arms envelope you, as you bury yourself on his chest, your hands clutching on his sweatshirt, words unable to form.

You’ve missed him terribly, and you’ve never felt more comfort in the past years as you do right now, in his arms, as he whispers repeatedly in your ear. “It’s okay. I’m here, ____. I’m here.”

You both stand by your door as he constantly shifts you in his hold, tightening his hold then loosening it only to let you breathe, but he holds you as if to carry the pain and sadness with you.

He feels your knees slightly buckle so he takes your face in his hands. “Let’s get you to the couch.”

Jungkook walks you there and sees your tear-stained pillow and blanket. He tells you to sit as he grabs you a glass of water to drink, watching you as the tears continue to fall down your cheek, his own cries aching to be heard as well.

You deny his offer of getting you dinner and he convinces you to get some rest, seeing your heaving body, tired from feeling all the emotions and dealing with them by yourself.

“You need to sleep,” he kneels in front of you, removing the damp strands of hair from your forehead and caressing the tears off your face.

“I’ve been trying but I can’t.” Your voice cracks. “Don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He says, kissing your hand softly like he did those years ago when you’d said your goodbyes but this time, it’s like a promise he’s making that whatever happens, he’s going to stay.

You lie down on the couch and leave him some space, prompting him to lay beside you with his left arm serving as your pillow, and his right your extra layer of warmth. You immediately sink into his hold, the fresh scent and comfort of his sweatshirt making you feel lighter by the second, as if he’s slowly taking from you whatever it is you’ve been keeping to yourself this whole time.

Jungkook lets you cry some more as he pulls you closer, as close as he can have you, and he kisses your forehead, lingering, to remind you that he’s here, breathing next to you.

“What happened out there, Kook?”

“I just wanted to see you,” he says after some time. “I felt so lost when you left; I didn’t get to tell you everything I wanted to say. I wasn’t doing well at school so when my parents found out what happened, they had the guys bring me back home.”

He combs his fingers through your hair and caresses your arm as he tells you more - how his parents hoped they’d realized sooner that his heart just wasn’t in law, that he tried too hard for them and that he’d broken his own heart in the process. He shared how they helped him move on, let him stay busy by working at their friends’ hotel and tinkering on some motorcycle, reminded him everyday that he’ll figure things out soon, that they love him regardless, whatever he chose to pursue.

But that some days were still hard - not being there for Jin after he lost his grandfather, Jungkook having his sister spend time in their home after a 36-hour duty at the hospital to make sure her baby brother is alright, watching his mother smile through the other ladies make comments about her ambitionless son who just didn’t know what he was doing in life, knowing his father’s dreams of having a lawyer in the family not see the light of day.

Then there was missing you, wishing he could just feel your touch, boop his nose then kiss it like he always liked, have you tell him that he’s good and worth something, no matter what he does.

He’d gone out for a drink during one particularly hard night. A bottle of beer and two shots, something that barely makes a dent in his system; it’s all he had. But he’d been sleepy, it had just rained, and the streetlight on the road was broken.

And there was a stalled car in the middle of the road that he didn’t see.

He lost control and managed to avoid the tree up ahead, causing his motorcycle to slide then flip over, taking him with it. You’re so lucky, the doctor told him. We could’ve lost you, his sister cried. Broken ribs, burns and gashes on his arms, a concussion, a broken neck… It was a scary sight, but it looked worse than it really was.

Se-won’s family is influential in Busan and she begged her parents not to file a case, as she hadn’t been hurt. Jungkook was ready for the consequences, knowing that it had been his fault, and he could’ve really hurt her. But Se-won insisted, letting him take his time to recover; helped him with the emotional part of healing, too.

She was a stranger turned lover. She wasn’t someone he’d disappointed yet and he knew he never would, so he let himself bask in the infatuation, in the care, in the temporary bliss. Anything to remind himself of what he’d lost - himself.

“Your friends drove down with Joon and Jin. I made them promise me not to tell you,” he croaks, feeling you cry again. “I didn’t want to give you a reason to come back because you’d been doing so well out there. I wanted you to be happy and you were.” He kisses your forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, please,” you say, hugging him tighter. “I don’t want to think about that anymore. I’m just happy to know you’re safe.”

“I am,” he assures you. “That was probably the biggest mess up I ever did and it was enough to force me to really get my shit together, you know? Tae used to be that annoying kid at school and I’m glad he didn’t change.” Jungkook laughs, recalling how his friend would visit Jungkook at the hotel where he worked and pitch to him different business ideas. “We just needed a push and an investor who took a chance at us then things slowly fell into place.”

“I’m sure the guys are on your ass even more now, huh?”

“They let me sleep over even if I’d had just one bottle of beer,” he sighs. “But I’m glad they look out for me as much as they do. I don’t think I would’ve gotten through all of that without them.”

“I’m so sorry,” you desperately whisper in his ear. There’s so much to be sorry for but you know Jungkook wouldn’t wanna hear it.

“I don’t wanna hear it. That was all me, stupid and immature and selfish me.”

Your sniffles and hiccups fill the silence in the room as you trace his tattooed arm, feeling for the first time the rough parts of it that hid behind the blank ink.

“I didn’t want to be reminded of that night,” Jungkook says. “They’d healed but they were the most visible marks and I had to cover them up.”

Your fingers trace his chest, wondering if the marks there had healed, too, but you settle with listening to his beating heart and uttering the words you’ve been meaning to tell him, as he envelopes you in his warmth.

“I’ve missed you so much, Kook. It was hard, too, when I was away, but I’m so happy you’re here.”

He affectionately boops your nose. I don’t want to be anywhere but here, he doesn’t say, but you return his smile and it’s all he needs to get him through another day.

The moment of seeing an important person in your life get married is truly special. That’s what you think as you watch Da-eun laugh one second then cry while Namjoon reads out his vows to her, assuring her a life and a partnership where she’s loved, respected, and incredibly happy. It’s amusing to see him be that emotional and open, hiding his face with every promise he makes and every ooh and ahh from the audience that’s gathered for this special event.

They look beautiful and are clearly anticipating the life they’ll be sharing together, and you can’t help the skip of your heartbeat at the thought of how they’d met, taking to what Jungkook said that you can claim yourselves as the cause of their love story.

This wedding was months in the making and you’d spent it with the friends you’ve missed, including Jungkook who’d just constantly reminded and shown you why you’d spent seven years - and more - loving him.

He’s familiar yet new at the same time. You realize that there’s layers of him that you’ve never seen before, like his sense of responsibility and maturity. He’s more open and expressive, and you find yourself being surprised at how natural he now is with words, how easily he captures people’s attention, and how much charm and confidence he exudes. But he’s still funny, goes with the flow, a little cocky, and incredibly caring and thoughtful, his best parts that got you to fall in love with him in the first place.

He looks even more stunning tonight, in his beige three-piece suit and slick hair exposing his forehead. Jin said that Namjoon treated them to a facial yesterday so they could share in his wedding glow, and it’s definitely showing in Jungkook’s face, and you can’t help but admire even more the piercing on his eyebrow and how that oddly makes him look even more sophisticated.

The party is in full swing, as dinner had been served and you’d all just done your group dance number, which surprisingly enough, turned out better than you expected. You’d all spent some time practicing, making yourself get used to being so close to Jungkook again, with him gently holding your hand and carefully twirling you. He’d held you on your waist tonight when you almost lost your balance, given the heels you’re wearing and the two flutes of champagne you’d had.

“I got you,” he’d smiled, and you basked in the comfort that had always given you.

You haven’t talked much about it with your friends, as they always just wait for you to bring it up but you never know how to. While you’re not one to live with regrets, you can’t help but think sometimes that maybe you didn’t fight for your relationship enough, that you just got impatient, that you just expected and wanted too much, and that contrary to what he says, the fallout was because of you.

But you also know that things needed fixing, and that thing was you. It’s hard to explain but you found something while you were away, as parts of yourself slowly came back the more you focused on you - your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants that weren’t attached to another person. You needed to remember what that was like, so you could be your best self again for the next person willing to love whatever version of yourself you could give.

You know in your heart now that you want that to be Jungkook. But you’re incredibly scared of losing him as a friend this time, and you don’t know if you or he is willing to take that chance.

There’s some down time to socialize before the final part of the program, which is really just the speeches and toast to signal the start of the party. You’re with Yoongi and Hoseok at the table while Jimin and Areum are around, catching up with some old friends.

Jungkook, on the other hand, is on his third washroom trip in the last 15 minutes, as the nerves of giving his speech kick in. He never enjoyed speaking in front of an audience, but Jin assured that they’ll give it as a pair, so Jungkook can just make them laugh and close it out if he wanted.

A group of people are by the hallway, blocking his path to the washroom, but he notices Jimin and Areum and some familiar faces, too, like Hyunjin - a friend of yours from college whom Jungkook had seen in some of your social media photos, as she spent some time in Melbourne, too.

Jungkook overhears her asking Jimin and Areum about when they plan to get married, prompting the two to say that they’re planning to go to the courthouse soon, but that the big celebration will have to wait until next year.

“At least you’re sure and that’s one more wedding to go to after this,” Hyunjin says. “I mean, imagine if ___ just went ahead and married Sam when he asked her to, then all three of you would’ve been married by next year.”

Jungkook wants so badly to just have misheard what was said, but Areum asks how Hyunjin knew, as it wasn’t news that you openly shared, to which Hyunjin replied that, “Sam came to me after the breakup, after she said no to the proposal, and begged me to find a way to return the ring because he wanted her to keep it.”

“You’re the one who snuck it in their apartment?” Jimin asks. “We all believed he’d just left it there when he moved out of their place.”

Jungkook feels dizzy, as he learns more of your relationship with Sam. You lived together. You built a life together. You could be spending the rest of it with each other.

Hyunjin shrugs. “He didn’t get to, so he asked if i could, said something about wanting her to always remember that someone out there wants a forever with her. But he didn’t mean it in a bad way. You know Sam, he’s such a sweet person. Does she still have it?”

Areum nods. “In a box somewhere; it’s the only thing she kept from him.”

“Well, then I’d like to think she kept it to remind her of that. But he’s still holding out hope, you know? That she’ll change her mind and realize that he really could give her the life she’s always wanted,” Hyunjin continues. “I mean, they were together for a year and he knew right away he wanted to marry her. That’s some serious stuff, to love with so much certainty.”

Jungkook feels his heart drop and he quietly walks away, afraid he’d get any of your friend’s attention. Jin meets him in the hallway, tells him that they’ll be on in five minutes, and proceeds to shout to Jimin and Areum to come back inside.

“Hey, you okay?” Jin asks.

“I can’t lose her, Jin. I can’t not fight for her this time.”

Jungkook is met with a shocked look. “Where is this coming from, Kook?”

He shakes his head, not wanting to repeat what he’d heard. “She needs to know that I love her. She needs to know that I never stopped.”

You’re on your seat, anticipating the speech of the two men after your friends had done theirs. You’re trying to get Jungkook’s attention to wish him luck but he’s not meeting your gaze, his eyes focused elsewhere, and you think he’s just trying to calm his nerves.

Jin starts, the history and jokes about the friendship of the three making everyone laugh, but he wraps his part by saying that of all the things that this clumsy best friend had broken in his lifetime, the one thing he’d never broken and he’s sure that Namjoon never will is his promise to love Da-eun with all his heart.

Jungkook is given the mic and he takes a deep breath before he starts, then proceeds to say how he takes credit for his stupidity for why Namjoon and Da-eun met in the first place. He talks about just how whipped his best friend is, how he ends up being a blubbering mess when it comes to her, and how as Jungkook reflected on their love story, he got to reflect on his own.

“You see, it hit Namjoon hard when I was in a bad place,” Jungkook says. “He took the train to Busan every weekend to see me, taking time away from being with Da-eun. But she let him, because she’s kind that way.” Jungkook smiles at her.

“The day she was gonna introduce him to his parents, to ask them to accept him, to give him a chance and ask for their blessing, was the day I got into an accident and she, uh,” Jungkook clears his throat, “she had no hesitation to let him leave because Joon needed to be a friend and she knew how important it was for him to be there for me.”

Jungkook bites his quivering lip and still refuses to look at you.

“That… isn’t part of the script,” Yoongi hums.

“How do you know?” You ask.

“Those two practiced their speeches with me.”

You turn back to the front where suddenly, Jungkook holds your gaze.

“It sounds simple but Da-eun made that decision, no questions asked, to let Joon go because it was important for him and I always think about that, how Da-eun knew that she’d lose her family’s blessing and their support but it didn’t matter. Sometimes we make the hard decision because we need to, because we need to be something for someone, for ourselves, even at the cost of something else important.”

Jungkook looks around before he turns to you again.

“Her family’s not here. Who knows how different things would’ve been if Joon didn’t come to me, if he went to meet her family instead? But they both made that call and they dealt with the consequences, together. And I’ll always admire them for that strength and most of all, for their faith in each other and in their love that it would withstand anything. Because that’s what love is supposed to do, right? It forces you to make the hard decisions and you make them because you love the person you’re making them for. Even if it hurts, even if it causes you to lose something, even if it makes you doubt sometimes. And it’s that kind of great love that doesn’t go away, and I would be stupid to let it go the second time around.”

The tears fall from your eyes before you could stop them. You quickly wipe them away and sigh in relief to discover that you’re not the only one crying.

“That was beautiful,” Hoseok says from next to you. “It almost felt like he knows how it feels to make hard decisions for the one you love. And I think so do you,” he smiles, an effort on his part to comfort you.

“I, uhm, I have to go,” you say, trembling, as you stand from your seat and quickly glance at Jungkook, who’s being pulled by his friends and the photographer, his colleague, for a photoshoot.

“Hey, don’t go through this alone again,” Yoongi calls from behind you.

“I’ll be okay, Yoon. Just tell Da-eun I needed to go. She’ll understand why.”

** You miss your floor twice and try to open the wrong hotel room thrice, mind hazy at what just happened. All you could think about was how Jungkook looked as he spoke to you, because that’s what he did.

Love forces you to make the hard decisions and you make them because you love the person you’re making them for. He cracked at those words, and while you established years ago that you had to let each other go because of that love, it’s different hearing it now, especially as he says that he won’t let it go the second time around.

You don’t even know why you left. You’d been filled with so much emotion at the sight of him uttering those words that you knew you’d lose it if you stayed. It’s why you’re here now, staring at your mascara-smudged face, at yet another crying session you’re doing by yourself.

You undress to get ready for a shower, deciding now that you’ll spend the rest of the night with a bottle of wine, and your friends can stay in your room once the party has finished.

There’s a knock on your door and you put on a robe, ready to scold your best friend who’d been trying to call you the entire walk to your room.

“Yoongi, I told you I’m fi—.”

Your throat dries at the sight of a panting Jungkook, with his hair damp from running.

“Jungkook, what are you—”

“Why did you say no to Sam? Why did you reject his proposal?”

Your eyes widen at the question, but how he knew no longer matters.

“And why do you still have the ring? Do you… do you still want him?”

You shake your head no.

“Then why keep it?” He croaks, and you see the nervousness in his eyes.

You turn away. “To remind myself that someone wanted a life with me, that he was sure he wanted to grow old with me. It’s silly but—”

“Then why did you say no? Why aren’t you back with him?”

“It wasn’t what I wanted,” you meet Jungkook’s eyes. “Because every time I thought of growing old, I couldn’t help but think of doing that with you. Even if it ended, even if we said goodbye.” You whimper. “I tried but I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else but you, Kook.”

“Is that still something you want? To be with me? To love me? To grow old with me?”

“Yes,” you whisper, lips trembling at the thought of having that hope again.

Jungkook walks towards you and you stay still, letting the door shut, closing your eyes as you savor his soft touch on your skin.

He cups your face in his hands. “I want a life with you, ___. I always did. I just didn’t know what that looked like. I know we had our reasons but I should’ve fought for you and I didn’t know what I could promise you, or how else to make you happy because I wasn’t happy myself; I wasn’t happy with myself.”

You let the words linger, listening to his fears and worries then.

“Are you happy now?” You look at his glassy eyes that mirror yours.

“Yes. Even more with you. Are you?”

You nod vigorously, as he chases your tears with his thumbs.

You bask in the feel of his lips on your forehead, your breath hitching as he moves further south. You wrap your arms around his waist as he kisses your nose, then your salty cheeks, then finally, your lips.

He’s warm and soft, and you feel the gentleness of the act, savoring this just as you are, and you sigh into the kiss, as if saying, finally, you’re here. Again. And I'm not letting you go.

It turns deep soon enough as you try to taste more of each other, tongues dancing, hands exploring, bodies moving together, as one. You lean on the desk as he untangles your robe, his eyes boring into yours. He slowly undresses you, his breath hitching at the sight of you bare, like he’d seen so many times before, and that’s haunted him since you left.

He takes his time kissing all parts of you that he’s missed - your neck, your shoulders, your breasts, then down to your torso, your hips, your hands in between, your thighs, and finally, your cunt, the evidence of his effect on you reminding him that not much has changed. He kisses softly and he licks, eliciting sounds that he’d only dreamed of hearing again.

He settles at your center, but you take his cheeks in your hands, motioning for him to look at you.

“I want to focus on us, Kook. Please, let me feel you.”

He stands up and he lets you help in undressing him. First the coat, then the vest, then the bowtie. It’s slow and teasing, but you whine and he picks up the pace, unbuttoning his polo while you work on his trousers, feeling the dent underneath as you unzip him. You take his hardened length in your hand and he moans at the feel, taking his forehead into yours and sneaking another kiss.

You giggle as he pulls you by the waist and walks you backward to the bed where he lays you down, gently, and there are no words needed to know how you both want this to happen tonight.

You kiss as he pins your arms above your head, as he eases himself inside you, as you both moan at the pleasure, as he thrusts into you - steadily, with purpose, carrying with it all the words he didn’t say, and all the words that he will, because he has a lifetime to do that.

You focus on each other and it’s a long buildup to reach the peak but it’s how you want it - feeling each other, remembering each other, savoring each other. He comes and he works on your clit, making you come not long after and he turns you to the side to face him, wiping your tears and booping your nose repeatedly until it ends up with another kiss.

And it’s that familiarity, that emotion and sincerity that you missed. It’s that certainty - that there are no other lips you want to kiss, no other name you want to moan in between tangled limbs and damp sheets, no other eyes you want to stare into before and after the high, no other hands you want mapping your body, and no other body you want to mark yourself into.

“I love you, in case you didn’t know,” he smiles.

“I love you, in case you didn’t know,” you giggle.

You stay there, listening to each other breathe. You trace the black ink on his arm that runs up to his shoulder, finding unsuspecting things tucked in the crevices of the elaborate artwork. There’s a dandelion, a turtle, a kite, a paper airplane.

“Something reminds me of you and I get it tattooed,” he whispers. “The rest of it was meant to hide my pain but these, these are the best parts of me, ____. I never wanted to forget.”

You bury yourself in his hold, pulling him closer and closer, and you fall asleep like this, knowing that this is how you want the rest of your life to be.

It’s the next morning in the middle of your warm shower, with his arms around your waist that he turns you around.

“I was thinking,” he starts, rinsing the shampoo off your head.

“Hmm?”

“I know it’s a years-long delay but… what do you think about moving in together?”

Once his question registers, you pull him for a long and deep kiss, pinning him against the wall as you travel down his neck.

“I’m guessing that’s a yes?” He chuckles.

“A million ones,” you smile.

masterlist

- Permanent taglist: @sherlynxx

#jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook oneshot #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook fanfiction #exes au

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inkandpen22 · 3 years ago

Text

The Princess and The Pogue (Pt. 9)

Pairing: JJ x Reader / Topper x Reader

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: swearing, mild smut, angst, fluff

Part Summary: Y/N goes to see JJ after the party and she begins to think everything will work out

Masterlist

The Pogues are gathered around the bonfire, chatting over a couple of beers and joints. JJ keeps checking his phone every few minutes, wondering why you haven't texted him yet. You agreed for him to pick you up at your house at eleven, but he wants to wait for your text saying you're home. He's considered just going over anyway, assuming you're already there since dinner would've ended at least two hours ago. Before he has the chance to even rise to his feet to go, you and Topper roll up the driveway. None of the Pogues recognize the gray BMW, except Sarah.

“Is that Topper dropping off Y/N?” She frowns in confusion as the car comes to a steady halt at the end of the gravel drive.

Pope presses his fingers to his temples, wide-eyed. “Am I hallucinating?”

“Okay, enough weed for me," Kiara declares, passing the joint to John B.

Topper stops the car and turns to you. “You’ll be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” you nod, collecting your bag between your legs.

“Call or text if you need me,” he instructs, still somewhat reluctant to drop you off.

“Will do,” you offer him a reassuring smile.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow," he complies, leaning over the divider and planting a quick peck to your cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” you return, granting him a kiss on the cheek as well. You climb out of Topper's car, walking toward the fire pit where JJ and everyone watch you utterly dumbfounded. “Hi guys,” you greet, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

“Topper knows his way around The Cut?” John B pokes fun.

“Did he drop you off to scope out the place?” Kiara grumbles.

“He didn’t want me driving," you explain as you take a seat next to a silent JJ. "We went to Kelce’s for a little after dinner and I’ve been drinking."

“What a gentleman,” Sarah mumbles sarcastically.

“Hi Baby,” JJ greets you with a soft smile, wrapping his arm around your waist.

“Hi,” you grin, leaning in and planting a kiss to his lips to which he reciprocates.

“I could’ve picked you up,” he whispers against your lips.

“I know," you state, parting from him for a second. "I just didn’t want to make you do the drive."

“I’m surprised Topper let you out of the car,” Sarah snickers.

“We came to an understanding,” you describe vaguely.

“Oh yeah?" Kiara raises a brow. "What’s that?”

“We’re just friends,” you reply confidently.

“I don’t just kiss my friends goodbye...” John B mumbles under his breath.

“We’re just friends," you reiterate, starring the boy down warningly.

“You bet you are,” JJ agrees, pulling you into his side. “I missed you today.”

“I missed you too," you blush, peering over to meet his gaze.

“Movie anyone?” John B suggests suddenly rising to his feet.

“Yes!” Sarah bursts.

“Comedy!” Pope votes.

“Romance!” Kiara challenges.

“Actually," JJ sighs, standing up next to you. "I was going to head to bed, wanna come?” He asks as he glances down at you.

You hum. “Yeah, I’m pretty tired actually."

____________________________________________

You and JJ lay in bed, facing each other as you talk about everything under the sun. You could've watched the movie considering you've been up for hours talking, not once trying to fall asleep. Yet, spending hours laying in bed, talking to JJ, is a much better pass time.

“Fish tacos from The Wreck,” JJ answers without a moment's hesitation.

“Ooo, you know I’ve never been there,” you confess, intrigued.

“Really?!" JJ's eyes grow wide. "We’ll have to go ASAP! Kie’s dad makes the best hush puppies,” he dramatically gestures with his hands.

You giggle, “sounds amazing.”

“Okay, now your turn." JJ's arm drapes over you and rubs his hand up and down your back.

“Hmm," you hum, thinking it over. "My grandma’s chicken and dumplings. She always made it when I was sick and it’s like a warm hug.”

“Yum," he grins. “Dream vacation?”

“Anywhere with a beach,” you answer easily. “I love to travel, but I also love the ocean so can’t be too far from it. You?”

“Surfing trip around the world," he nods, clearly having thought about it before. "I’m talking Australia, Japan, Brazil, all over.”

“Surfing world tour. Very surfer Pogue of you,” you tease playfully.

“Would a Kook Princess like to come?” He offers with a sly smirk as his eyes fall to the small space between you.

“Sure I’ll follow,” you accept with a soft smile.

JJ jokingly nudges you on the shoulder with a slight blush to his cheeks. “Stop," he chuckles. "If anything you pick the places and I follow. Follow you around the world.”

“You would?” You narrow your eyes at him with a smirk.

“What’s that Carol King song?” He tries to recall and whispers some of the words. “Where you lead...”

“I will follow," you add in a sing-songy tone.

“Anywhere!” You both say in unison to each other, causing you two to laugh.

JJ exhales deeply, catching his breath after laughing.“Talking to you is so easy it’s scary," he confesses, taking your hand in his between you two.

“I never felt so understood until I met you,” you tell him.

His brows scrunch together as he watches your hands move around one another. “You don’t think Topper understands you?”

“I do... to an extent,” you shrug, not fully convinced. “He’s known me longer, so he knows why I am the way I am, but he’s not necessarily accepting of all of it.”

“What do you mean?” JJ wonders aloud.

“If I told him that I don’t want to go to every party and rather stay in, he’d wonder why. If I said I don’t like the Club and rather spend a day on some remote island somewhere he wouldn’t relate. I could tell you that I want to move to Guam and you’d be game for it. Some days I don’t want to have any responsibilities or social obligations which confuses Topper. He’s satisfied where he is. He’s satisfied being stationary and though I’m told I have everything, I don’t want any of it." You pause, finding yourself coming to a hard conclusion. You peer up at JJ who's eyes have left your hands and pour into you. "There has to be more right? There has to be something different out there.”

“Life beyond the OBX?" He seek to clarify to which you nod. "Yeah, there’s an entire world outside of here!”

“That’s what I want..." You whisper. "Something entirely my own and somewhere where no one knows me.”

“Maybe we should explore it together,” he smiles gently with content. “I mean, as long as it’s okay for one person to know you.”

“You don’t count," you blush.

JJ releases your hand, bringing his own to caress your cheek. “I want to see the world with you."

You lean into his touch, his warmth making you feel safe, seen, and understood. “I think that can be arranged...”

JJ shakes his head, as though he's come to a profound realization. “You’re everything to me." His words slip by in a whisper as he leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your lips, sealing his statement.

You run your fingers through JJ's hair, pulling him in deeper. He smiles against your lips, loving your reaction. He moves to hover over you, encompassing you with his body. You take matters into your own hands and press JJ down to lay down beside you. Swiftly, you move to straddle him. A grunt leaves him and you cower slightly.

"Did I hurt you?!" You nearly panic.

“No, no,” he’s quick to assure you, bringing his hand to your face and brushing your hair back.

You hadn’t noticed when he got into bed, the bruises and cuts scattered across his torso. You remember them from the Boneyard and in the hot tub. You had thought perhaps they were from Topper.

JJ can tell that your mind isn’t satisfied. "What else is troubling you?" He frowns. "Babe, look at me, please."

"If these weren't Topper, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it,” he scrunches his face with a shake of the head. “Don't worry, it's taken care of,” he tries to change the subject, reaching up to kiss you.

You gasp. "Did someone do this to you?!" You quickly realize.

"Y/N..."JJ exhales deeply.

"JJ, I have to know!” You argue. “If someone-"

"It was my dad okay!" He confesses.

You heart sinks has the dark reality hits you like a ton of bricks.

"He... he gets mad sometimes..."JJ describes, looking anywhere but you. He begins to fidget with the hem of your shirt. When... When things weren’t good between us... I picked a fight with him. It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it, but I did! I think I wanted it. At least then I could control the pain,” he explains, killing you.

You lean down and plant a gentle, comforting kiss to his lips. When you pull back, JJ stares at you, stunned by the action. You swallow hard as you slide down, keeping eye contact with him as you plant a kiss to his bruised peck. JJ’s heart begins to race as he watches you. You continue on your path to his multicolored rib. JJ’s hand brushes over the top of your head gently. Your fingers curl under the hem of his boxers as you leave a trail of kisses over his cut and bruised stomach.

"Y/N..." He breathes heavily as his eyes fall shut.

"Never again,” you tell him warningly as a demand. “You never go back there. Here, Kie's, Pope's, my place, anywhere else but there. Morning, noon, or night, you need a place, come to me. You hear me?"

JJ nods, too consumed in you to voice anything.

"I see marks like these on you again, I'll kill him and they won't find the body. I've seen enough crime documentaries. I can be like Liam Nison in Taken,” you joke slightly.

"I'm sure you could," JJ smirks, peering down at you.

You lift yourself up to hover just above his face. You cup his cheeks, making him look you in the eyes. "I'm never going to leave you, ever! You never have to suffer alone again. I promise. Your pain is my pain. Whatever you inflict on yourself you also do on me."

"I promise too. You're my world, Y/N,” he tells you and you know he means it. “You're my life now."

Suddenly, there's a ruckus coming from outside in the hall. The sound of the screen door slamming against the frame and shouting.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! I’ll go get her! You stay here!” You hear John B yell.

“Like I’d listen to you!” Another voice barks.

You break from JJ, trying to listen. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” he frowns, peering over at the door. He climbs off of you and slips out of the bed. He grabs a t-shirt from the chair in the corner and pulls it over his head, his boxers still slightly exposed.

“JJ, be careful!” You beg, worried that it could be someone looking for trouble.

"I will, Baby. It's okay," he promises, heading toward the door to check it out.

“Cool off Topper!” Pope shouts before you hear a bang.

“Topper?” You mumble in disbelief, flying off the bed and toward the door.

“Y/N!" JJ grabs your wrist as you open the door. "Baby, wait!”

Before he has the chance to stop you, you stumble into the hallway. JJ rushes out of the bedroom, nearly running into you. Standing at the end of it, in the archway of the living room, Topper turns his attention away from the Pogues. His eyes land on you and a wave of relief consumes him.

“Y/N...” Your name falls from his parted lips faintly.

“Topper...” You stand frozen.

“There is almost an equal Kook to Pogue ratio in this house and I don’t like it,” Pope huffs from behind Topper.

“I need to talk to you," the tall blonde announces urgently.

You speed walk down the hall, despite JJ's efforts to stop you. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just... I... uh...” Topper stutters, nervously avoiding your gaze, and focuses on the small floor space between you.

“Have you been drinking again?" You question, coming to the conclusion he has. He smells of beer and weed, more than he did hours ago. "Did you go back to Kelce’s!”

“I was losing my mind, Y/N!" He bursts, uncharacteristically, causing you to jump and JJ to step forward toward you. "I needed a distraction, but nothing was working!” Topper explains in a rush, all fidgety. “Can we just go somewhere to talk?”

JJ immediately steps in, moving to stand between the two of you. “You’re not going anywhere with her!”

“Oh shove it,” Topper snaps at JJ.

“You forget you’re on my side of the island, Kook!” JJ barks, shoving Topper in the chest.

“Enough!” You scream, pressing a palm to each of their chests. “For Pete’s sake!”

“Back off JJ!” Kiara yells.

“I just need to talk to you,” Topper pants.

You exhale deeply, glancing between JJ and Topper. You know JJ won't approve and won't allow it without a fight, but you agree to speak with Topper. “Okay, let’s go outside.”

JJ laughs, pacing around. “You can’t be serious-”

“Ten minutes!” You shout at him, escorting Topper toward the door.

“She sure told you,” Topper mocks JJ as he backs up to the exit.

“Oh shut up,” you grumble, urging Topper through the doorway leading to the front yard.

You and Topper settle down on the hammock, swinging back and forth on the edge, side by side. The sun has long since set and the lights in the large tree illuminate the yard. Unable to sit still, Topper rises from his spot and paces in front of you.

“What’s going on Topper?” You ask worriedly.

The boy stops, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck nervously. “I’m losing my mind, Y/N!" He finally breaks his silence. "I feel like there are weights strapped to me and I’m being pulled to the bottom of the ocean, struggling for air!” He rushes out in a pant. “I’ve been an arrogant ass and too scared to pay attention, but now I’m just scared and I’m afraid if I don’t tell you this now that I’ll never get a chance like this again!”

You stand, taking his hands in yours. "Just take a deep breath!"

He yanks his hands free of your hold, running his fingers through his hair as he paces away. "I'm about to be the most selfish person on the planet!"

“Topper, just say it! It can't be that bad!" You try to reassure him, the pit in your stomach growing with each passing minute. You can only assume the worst.

“I love you!” Topper bursts out, meeting your gaze pleadingly.

A weight lifts off your shoulder. You thought it was something bad. “That's it? I love you too,” you laugh lightly.

“No!" He stops you. "Not the way you mean it... it’s not the same! I love you!”

Neither of you notice the Pogues hiding in the enclosed patio, watching everything go down.

“I knew it!” Pope announces from his spot by the window.

“Pay up!” Kiara holds out her hand to John B.

JJ's heart sinks when he hears the confession leave Topper. He wants to run for the hills, but he can't help but observe you stand there in shock.

Topper's chest rises and falls rapidly. “I didn’t realize it fully until I dropped you off and saw you with him. I know what I said earlier, that I’m okay with this!" The words fly out of him like a freight train going full speed. “But I’m not! I’ve been in love with you for two years! Before Sarah, during Sarah, after her!”

“Okay ouch...” Sarah mumbles from her spot on the patio.

“I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, I’ve just been too caught up in everything else to notice!" Topper's voice cracks with emotion.

"You tell me this now!" You shout, growing more frustrated with each passing second.

He sighs, "I know, I know, I'm sorry-"

"No! You don't get to apologize!" You snap at him, utterly pissed off and frankly hurt. "You could've had me! You had me, Topper!" You correct as your eyes begin to swell with tears. "You had every opportunity to change the status quo and you didn't! You let me feel like a toy, there to satisfy you when you needed company! Yes, it was fun! Yes, it was great sex! Yes, I fed into the holding and touching, even when you and Sarah were on a break because I thought..." You swallow hard, processing what you're about to say. "Because I thought that eventually, you'd love me!" You break, tears falling down your cheeks. You finally let go of a truth you've been holding in for years now. "If I kept sleeping with you that one day you'd realize that we were more than just friends! Everyone else thought it! But you were caught up on Sarah and then it became not letting Sarah be with John B! I had to break it off after Bermuda because it was killing me! I couldn't take it anymore! I had to begin to move on!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot!" Topper rushes up to you, taking your hands in his pleadingly. "Tonight, feeling you again, I saw the rest of our lives and I want it! I don’t give a shit about our friends or golfing or the Club or Sarah because none of it matters if I don’t get to experience it with you!” He begs, “so pick me! Be with me! Love me!”

You whimper, unsure of what to do or say. Everything is happening so fast.

"You slept with him?"

You turn over your shoulder to find JJ standing just a few feet away. His eyes glisten under the lights of the tree. He swallows hard, taking your silence as enough of an answer. He nods his head, pressing his lips together to hold back his emotions.

“You’re exactly as everyone says!” He yells, pointing at you aggressively.

In a second, he's sprinting away down the gravel drive. You step forward, ready to run after him, but Topper grabs your wrist.

"Y/N, don't!" He pleads.

You yank your wrist free, before running him. "JJ!" You call, "JJ wait!"

"Y/N!" Topper shouts, running after you.

"JJ!" You beg for him to stop.

"Y/N, wait!" Topper grunts, sprinting.

"JJ!" You struggle to keep up with the boy. Soon, he disappears into the dark woods across the street and you have no choice but to halt, losing all hope.

You fall to your knees on the gravel. The sound of Topper's feet hitting the gravel quickly approaching. You slam your fists to the ground with a scream, hitting your boiling point. How much is a girl expected to take?

______________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @starkeythinker @bethii1 @thegunnerkelly@cc13723things@hockeybabe87 @jolomez @plutooryectors

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creativeashproductions · 4 years ago

Text

Subconscious Match Making // Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Kenny brings in his niece Y/N and her band to provide a demonstration of the stage presence of a band. More than happy Tarnished Poets become mentors during the process of bootcamp. Charlie’s eye is stuck on Kenny’s niece; Kenny’s so powerful he subconsciously did match making

Warning: Swearing, talk about car accident, angst, and fluff.

Words: 4.6k

A/N: The song used by my fictional band is High Hopes by the Australian band Yours Truly.

Masterlist

Being part of the audition aspect of Julie and the Phantoms was unreal, especially being young with such an opportunity. The timing couldn’t be better with the band stationed stateside for recording; Kenny had presented the offer to mentor during auditions. The capacity as a musician mentor was alien, but you would do anything for the guy you considered an uncle.

Stopping briefly at the bathroom, you encountered one of the options for Julie that Kenny had sent in the PDF file of people auditioning. As you stepped up to wash your hands, you noticed her lips moving along to the song they had been given.

“Are you okay?” You questioned turning to face the teenager no more than fifteen at the most. Her brown eyes colliding with yours unable to hide the nerves, “You’re auditioning for Kenny Ortega’s show, right?”

“Yeah. I’m Madison.” The girl spoke, holding out her hand to shake, “Are you auditioning for Carrie?”

You smiled at her question, “No.”

Julie went to answer before the glance at her watch, startled her barely getting a goodbye out before she was rushing out the door. You went back to drying your hands before heading to the room Kenny had messaged you about. It was a large room with people sitting at tables and four people on stage. All in a circle speaking quietly, you took the opportunity to settle beside Kenny and your three band members.

“Hey Kenny.” You murmured turning to the man, the myth, legend Kenny Ortega himself. The man beamed at you as he had not seen you in months due to touring.

“Y/N! Sweetheart.” Kenny spoke, taking in the differences, the bags under your eyes gone from the last time he had a video call, “You look stunning as usual.”

You chuckled at his compliment, feeling he was right; sleep was definitely better when not on a travelling bus. Late nights now found at the recording studio with the band and less stress on being hounded by fans.

“So, what do you want us to do?” You questioned glancing at the quartet on the stage each keeping their attention on each other, “Who are they?”

Kenny glanced at his colleagues ready for the day to start, “This the first time they will be performing on the stage as the band. They don’t know yet. As being their age, I’d like you to show them the dynamic we’re looking for.”

You nodded along with Lachlan, Brad and Jay. Kenny’s happy smile directed you guys for a second before turning to the stage. Huddling with your bandmates, you started throwing out song choices, one the most challenging things.

“Okay. Before we have you sing Bright, I convinced my niece to join us while they are off touring.” Kenny told the actors gesturing to the band in a huddle unbothered at the lack of listening, “Okay.”

Turning as Kenny’s voice centred towards you, the people on the stage caught sight of you all; Madison’s eyes grew. She adored your music, and not recognizing you in the bathroom, burnt her. The other guys were less familiar with the band other than Owen who knew them through Madison and Savannah.

“This is my niece Y/N along with her band members Lachlan, Brad and Jay. Tarnished Poets this is candidates for the show Charlie, Jeremy, Owen and Madison.” Kenny gestured to the two separate groups who quickly switched.

With a vast amount of experience, the small stage revamped itself with the band’s personal instruments. People held to move the stage drums to replace with Brad’s drums behind the clear plastic with quick succession as the remaining members took their places.

Your dark wash jean jacket tossed to the side of the stage mere seconds before Lachlan’s fingers started the song off with shredding on his baby pink guitar. The room melted away from your mind as the four got lost in the music.

You got the nerve to come and say

That you’re not standing in my way

When we both know

Eyes closed you moved to the fast beats feeling on the top of the world as if nothing would knock you down.

The room was quiet aside from the music enthralling the occupants as this band shocked everyone but Madison and Kenny. This was precisely how Kenny envisioned Julie and the band would be like as the room burst into noise as if it was a concert. The stage was electrifying, and the actors couldn’t sit still with big smiles and bodies moving to the beat.

Well I’ve had high hopes up til now

And I was kinda hoping.

You could be my hero

At the lull, in words, the guitars and the drums wove through the room as you flipped your hair side to side concealing the expression. The music brought a feeling euphoria to you as it always had because nothing made you feel as alive.

You never stayed in one place when you weren’t cupping the microphone singing you jammed with the others. Cleaning removing the mic from the stand you move to face Brad through the clear screen with a grin. A smooth practised twirl you found yourself by the bassist Jay delving into the lyrics once more.

You can’t take it back

With all, I’ve tried

And I know that you can’t shape me

Moving back in fluid motion Lachlan and you switched places across the stage from Jay. Lachlan began his solo ending just as you circled back to your original positions. Everyone had watched Lachlan they missed your microphone being replaced in the stand.

As the song came to an end, you ended the last note bending to the side with the stand, every member leaning over to the floor. The guitar notes faded as the room burst into applause.

“This is what I want the band to be like!” Kenny called moving to the stage you hug you, “I knew I chose the right people. Did you see how they commanded the stage? They used the entirety, exploding with energy.”

Charlie’s jaw was dropped at how great the band was, they transformed the room into a concert, and you were damn good. Owen reached over and gently pushed Charlie’s jaw back up without looking; this move alone gave Kenny insight into the dynamic between the actors.

“Can you all come up here?” You asked the four actors moving aside for them as they stationed themselves you all wandered around, “Naturally you’ve all equally spaced yourselves out. That’s good because you understand you need space to rock out, but it comes with a negative.”

Lachlan stepped forth his accent, bringing the group to surprise, “But don’t stay in the box you’ve created. The stage is yours. You’re a band so interact.”

“Don’t play the music. Become the music you play, Luke doesn’t just love music. It’s in his blood and part of his soul.” You finished squeezing the arm of Charlie, eyes fractionally widening at the solid muscle. Charlie’s eyes glued to your eyes he didn’t notice as you gently pushed the white guitar into his chest.

“Show us Luke’s bond with music.” You softly spoke, backing away from the Canadian male turning on your heel to sit with Kenny again.

Your eyes couldn’t help but return to the male with the cut off shirt, and his hair pushed up out of his face. Suspenders connected to his jeans rolled above the brown boots. Your lips parted as Madison introduced the group.

“Hi, we’re Julie and the Phantoms I hope you enjoy.” The girl spoke before the group transformed in front of the group. They were no longer actors hoping for roles, but they became the characters they desired to play.

Charlie melted into the character of Luke with ease; it was beautiful and poetic. What they didn’t know was that they were, in fact, the band.

As the music died down, you relaxed into the chair as Kenny cheered with his hands high in the air with the entire room as they bowed. Kenny’s teasing grin glanced back as he approached the stairs to the huddled youth.

“I don’t know. Can we?” Kenny spoke to the audience amused with the anticipation of the stage.

“Do it!” You called out with a grin along with the rest of Tarnished Poets keeping your eyes on Charlie. His energy intrigued you incredibly.

“Yeah you are our band.” Kenny announced changing the lives of the official cast forever. The quartet exclaimed in response clutching each other close as if they had been friends for years instead of months.

Charlie’s grin fluttered your heart as you leaned back, watching the excited group knowing you would be watching the show when it came out.

The summer breeze was serene in the quiet area outside of the beautiful city of Vancouver, Canada where filming had commenced. Scheduling was perfect with the members of Tarnished Poets breaking off for the break. Lachlan returned to his family in Perth, Australia while Brad and Jay decided on a road trip in their home state.

You had accompanied Kenny to Canada for the first part of filming moving into a small house near the set. The home quickly became the hub of the cast with the close proximation to filming, you had even given Charlie the spare key. You two incredibly close.

“So, this is where you disappear to.” The teasing voice came from behind you. Glancing over your shoulder, you met the gaze of Charlie’s hazel eyes.

He moved through the meadow to the tree you found shade under with your guitar nearby. You always had a feeling the adventurous guy would find the trail to the meadow you frequented. His forest green shirt bringing out the green of his eyes that you adored. As if you were a character in a Tumblr story, you fell for him and wondered if he felt the same.

“Sometimes I need to leave the city. I spent too much time in them.” You spoke, closing the notebook of the song you were working on. It wasn’t one you planned on using for Tarnished Poets, but instead something you hesitated on showing Kenny.

“I didn’t know you could play the guitar.” Charlie softly spoke gently, stroked the neck of the well-used guitar. Passed down from your mom who loved playing at cafes in her teens and into her early 20s.

“Probably because we perform with electric more often. Plus, I like doing vocals.” You spoke shuffling to face him, “So it took you over a month to find this meadow.”

Charlie chuckled glancing at the notebook with interest. He always wanted to know more about you from the moment he saw you.

“What are you working on?” He questioned slowly grasping the notebook in his hand. Usually, you would be shy and letting someone see an unfinished song. Still, something about Charlie never made you feel nervous.

“A song about regret over hurting someone.” You softly replied, moving to bring your knees into your chest thinking about one of the final devasting moments, “I’m kinda the female counterpart of Luke. I grew up in a small town where people had reliable jobs. I always loved music. My mom taught me to play the guitar.”

“Yeah?” Charlie smiled, wondering what a kid version of you would have been like. Your eyes raised to meet his.

“Her dream was to make a living out of her music, and she got rejected. A lot. I think she lost a part of herself when she gave up for a secure, stable job as an accountant. Didn’t mean she didn’t still love to play, so she taught me how to play as a hobby.”

“But you loved it like she did.” Charlie breathed picking up where the story would be going so he gently took your hand in his; something not unusual with you two.

“I posted videos of covers on YouTube and Lachlan saw it. He had moved to America to make his dream and closely, our band came together. We did some gigs around my hometown even making the long trips to the city.” You reminisced on the times where you were an underground band with a small following. Things went sour when you hit more immense success, “We had the opportunity for our music, and at eighteen we took it.”

Slowly you leaned into the body of Charlie relaxing as his arms encompassed you in a feeling of safety and warmth. His fingers tangling in your hair as he focused on your story.

“My parents found out, and Mom just exploded. We both said cruel things, and I left that night. We played gigs constantly, so I always pushed back, making up with her. Six months into the move, she got into a car accident.” You sighed nestling further into Charlie, “I wrote that song, but I couldn’t even finish it, but with Luke’s storyline, I think it would be perfect. I’m polishing it up to present to Kenny.”

“What’s it called?” He inquired, smiling as you shifted to lean your back against his chest to cradle the guitar in your lap.

“Unsaid Emily. My mom’s name is Emily.” Your words nearly buried under the soft notes from the guitar. Your lips opened to sing, but you didn’t have to. Charlie started it.

The emotion was raw in the air as the power in his voice brought you to tears, unable to do more than strum the guitar and harmonizing at one point. It was like Unsaid Emily was made for Charlie to sing. At that moment you knew, this was the song Luke needed to do for his mom in the show; however, it could be incorporated.

Overcome with an emotion you pushed to your knees to cup his cheeks as he trailed off the last word. The guitar keeping you from pressing your chests together to kiss you poured your feelings in the kiss. A kiss he returned with gusto.

“Whoa.” Charlie breathed, keeping his forehead connected to yours smiling as your eyelashes tickled his cheeks. Calloused fingers set the guitar aside as he tugged you into his chest as his lips drew closer.

Your lips parted as a tingle overtook your whole body as he lips caressed yours soft lightly you thought you imagined it. His mouth claimed yours in what might be the most passionate one you’ve ever had. Pulling away, you became aware your hands had flipped under his shirt with knowing.

“Thank you.” You spoke softly looking up through your eyelashes at the guy the grew as important as the band.

Charlie’s cheeks painted a soft pink set off by the hypnotizing brown of his hazel gaze as if you were his whole world. His eyes scanning all your features from the small scar in your hairline thanks to a table edge at six years old.

“For what?”

“Being you.” You replied tugging fists full of the green shirt to silence her thoughts with another fervent meeting. Yours arm coming to encircle his neck as his hands copied the move on your waist. Sitting on knees time slowed in the toe-curling kiss, he pulled away once more.

“I could kiss you forever, and it still wouldn’t be long enough.” Charlie spoke, keeping his eyes closed as his fingers pinched his skin. This was what he dreamed of, being able to hold you more than a few seconds of an embrace.

“How is this going to work? My band goes on tour when you’re at the end of filming.” You questioned nestling into his arms again. The future was scary when you both were incredibly busy with the upcoming months.

“I’ll fly over for a few weeks. See you in action.” He chuckled, pushing you away to stand up, “How about we start with dinner first?”

It seemed the universe took pity on a young couple when Charlie took you home to his family to meet. His parents and siblings being the only ones aware of the relationship. Tour came and went with Charlie, using the time before promoting JATP, attended before you flew back to Canada with him.

Being with Charlie was like breathing, necessary and beautiful. You got along with his family as he did with yours. It was remarkable how interconnected you became together in the months committed to the relationship.

“Hey.” Charlie spoke, kissing your cheek in your private home you were renting in the country of Canada. When whispers of the pandemic came around, you had flown from the house you rented in LA with a friend to home.

Charlie had had the same idea to return home to his parents’ home while you settled into a house further away from other people. Charlie walked the distance to your place, and when lockdown came into effect, the decision was, he would stay with you.

“Well hello.” You cheekily responded, resting your fingers on the sleep flush of his cheeks as the glazed look faded.

Charlie straight out of sleep was by far your favourite version of him with the genuine and raw unguarded emotions he displayed. In the nine months together, you had fallen for him swifter than Swiper from Dora could take items. Completely reciprocated on his side.

“You look happy.” Charlie murmured tracing the path from your temple to the corner of your mouth. The boy with messy hair, he had started growing it out after Julie, and the Phantoms wrapped.

“I am.” You softly spoke, shifting closer to him, “I’ve never been happier than I am tucked away from the world in your arms.”

The flush of Charlie’s cheek no longer came from the nap, but from the attention, you placed on the actor. He could feel the love radiating from your heart just by the look in your eyes.

“I’m going to be incredibly cheesy and reply that I am holding my world in my arms.” He expressed leaning over to press his lips against your forehead raptured by the honour he had at loving you.

“The next few days will be hectic.” You articulated running your hands through the thick brown hair focusing solely on his eyes—the building excitement budding within the actor.

Charlie’s lips parted to reply when his phone vibrated on the side table, “One moment. It’s Owen.”

You shifted out of the camera view per the mutual decision to keep the relationship under wraps for the time being. You absolutely knew the show would be a hit and thousand, make that hundreds of thousands, of people, would crush on the character. By keeping the relationship quiet, it would increase the fanbase because some people honestly only care about looks.

“Hey Buddy!” Charlie beamed at his fellow quarantine hair buddy with over 3,000 kilometres between each other.

“Eh! Charlie!” Owen greeted just as excited at his best friend delving into a story of the recent lego build his mom had made.

“So, the show debuts in a few days. How do you feel about it? I’m excited but also nervous. First leading role.”

“I think people will relate to the show. I mean the music is amazing, and the acting wasn’t too shabby.” Owen replied just about to open his mouth when he slammed it shut. His blue eyes narrowed together, picking up on the odd background. He had to lean closer to his phone, “Either I’m suddenly eighty years old or your definitely not at home.”

“W-what?” Charlie scoffed eyes flicking to the surroundings completely forgetting he was in his girlfriend’s home instead of his parents, “I’m at home.”

“No! We’ve chatted so many times I could draw your family’s house blueprint with my eyes closed. That is a bedroom and it ain’t in the Gillespie home.”

Charlie moaned hanging his head, “C’mon buddy. I’m at home.”

“Charles Gillespie, you have sex hair.” Owen deadpanned unamused at the obvious and quite literally horrible dishonesty from the Canadian male. Charlie’s cheeks puffed as he blew air out of his mouth and taking the ‘L’ in the situation.

“One moment.” He spoke, putting his friend on mute and setting the phone down to create a black screen. The entire short conversation you had delved back into the songbook always on your person, “Babe, Owen won’t let it go.”

“Tell him.” You replied gazing over the rim of your glasses with a smirk scarcely visible to your partner. Your full attention returned to scribbling in the book while Charlie inhaled sharply; psyching himself up.

“Okay. I’m seeing someone.” Charlie admitted sending the blonde into screaming having been suspicious. Jeremy’s wife, then girlfriend, had tried setting Charlie up with countless refusals.

“Who is it?”

“Don’t get upset. I’m dating Y/N-“

“-like Y/N from Tarnished Poets? The musician from Bootcamp that completely made us look like toddlers?” Owen demanded gasping as Charlie panned the FaceTime to the girl under the blankets, “Holy shit!”

“I don’t know how I managed to get her date, but it’s the happiest I’ve been.”

“Hey Owen.” You acknowledged the blonde drummer with a shy smile and kind eyes that he had found numerous times on set. He looked up to you along with loving the suggestions and help Brad gave him on the drums.

“How long have you been together?” Wondered Owen with the cute little smile you found endearing. You felt happy that it was Owen that had pieced it together.

“Going on ten months now-“

“-and I’m only just now finding out!” Owen exploded jittery in his seat at the pairing he had wanted to get together since the unbreakable gaze multiple times on set, “God I love the world!”

“Just don’t tell anyone, okay? We want to keep this private; you wouldn’t have been told had you not figured it out.”

“More like hounded it.” Charlie muttered under his breath, slinking his arm around your shoulders as his right hand held his phone. You slapped the bare chest of the love of your life heart fluttering at the solid muscle as it always did, “We need to get together as soon as we can.”

“I’m so done. There’s nothing to do in Oklahoma man. So that photo from Tarnished Poet’s European tour was real?” Owen recalled the picture that had crossed his Instagram For You page a few months prior.

“Yeah. I flew over for two weeks having the best time watching my girl kill it on the stage, they destroyed the stage each performance.” Charlie gushed unable to hold himself from frantically telling Owen about you unfazed by your presence.

“Why am I so single!” Owen groaned flinging his head back, “Is it the whole living with my parents at twenty? Am I not established enough?”

“Nah, you’re just too boring.” Charlie quipped thankful he was out of reach of the taller boy earning a laugh from his side. Owen snickered with a quick retort to his fellow actor.

“Well I’d stay and chat, but my phone is at 10%, and I’m too lazy to find my charger.” Owen started waving as he hung up on Charlie without waiting for a reply.

Your lips twitched that the profanity that fell from your boyfriend’s lips at the abrupt end of the call. Owen was like that in the end, living in the moment to an extent. Charlie turned on his side to tug you into his side, uncaring of your task.

“You’ve slept enough.” You chortled at the clinging boyfriend you had.

“Do you think we should tell the cast? Owen will be bursting with the secret if we don’t” queried Charlie pining his gaze on the steadily flushing cheeks with a fondness, “They wouldn’t tell. I really want to brag about my hot rocker girlfriend.”

Your hand dropped the notebook to play with his hair, “We’ll just keep the relationship to close friends and our family.”

Too bad you didn’t place a bet with Charlie because two hours after the convo with Owen your phones harmonized together. Your iPhone showing Carolynn’s cute selfie while Jeremy called Charlie.

“You’re dating Charlie!” Carolynn practically screamed into the phone, completely excited, “Owen told Jeremy, and I have wife privileges.”

“Dude! How long?”

“Near ten months.”

“Damn, we missed so many chances for double dates, but hey now I know who you kept sneaking into the apartment. Not like the smug smirk, the next day and her stiff walking didn’t speak for itself.”

“Jer!” Charlie called out mortified yet also proud that you couldn’t walk the night after. Your reaction was to Jer’s blunt statement was to bury your face in Charlie’s neck, concealing the deep blush.

The two couples conversed a couple more hours before ending in the evening for food. The same routine would continue for the next few days with alternating between the cast. The day Julie and the Phantoms dropped on Netflix, you binged it. The acting was insane and the storyline paired with the songs? Beautiful.

The issue came when Episode 8 came with the tsunami of emotions as Luke shattered himself singing Unsaid Emily.

“Oh my god.” You sniffled shakily cupping your damp cheeks in your hands, “It hurts. He’s having this cathartic release while agonizing himself. His parents can hear him singing the song.”

Charlie tugged you into his side equally moved from the cinematic beauty Kenny’s team had done. Unsaid Emily was the most emotional piece of music you had ever written in your career; Kenny had fallen in love with it. His genius mind recreating the scene of Luke singing and changing his mother’s name to Emily.

“Sh.” Charlie soothed in your ear, rubbing circles on the small of your back crying along with you, “It’s just a show.”

“Where in the hell did you pull off that level of regretful sadness? Who hurt you.” You replied, breathing shakily as the scene. Your eyes still tearing up as Emily finally got a little peace back after losing her son twenty-five years in the past.

“I took inspiration from your story, and I watched a video with a bunch of people describing the last moment with their loved ones. Add some sad music and missing my family…well this happened.” Charlie explained gently pushing your hands away to wipe your damp cheeks in a soft smile, “You created the song. It’s your work that moved so many people.”

“I provided words and a melody. You provided emotion and bridge between Luke and the audience.” You retorted leaning closer to the Canadian boy so very much in love with him.

Charlie pressed another kiss to your forehead as you tried to pull yourself together but watching Luke and Julie try to touch? That shattered you even more. Luke deserved a hug, and he can’t even get one from his crush? Extremely tragic.

“Maybe we should write a song together.” Charlie suggested quirking up one eyebrow as his green eyes spoke volumes on his feelings no words could ever match. His long fingers playing your digits.

“I have a better idea.” You grinned, “I know season two hasn’t been confirmed but what if Jer, Owen, you and Mads write songs for the band? Give an authentic aspect to your characters and band. Do it together, in pairs and alone.” You breathed straddling him to ensure you had his full attention at the suggestion that lit a light in his eyes.

“You must be on to something.” Charlie acknowledged removing his phone from his pocket to use the group chat. In a few minutes, he had exciting suggestions for the song ideas, “I love you.”

“Love you too.” You replied, sitting back as he continued planning both via the group chat and FaceTime with the others.

Kenny was a genius both on screen and at matchmaking. As evidenced with Charlie and Kenny’s niece.

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#charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie imagine #charlie gillespie #jatp fanfic #luke patterson imagines #caitsy and ash productions

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dimpledlavendeer · 4 years ago

Text

𖣘 Enhypen's reaction to their s/o being afraid of heights ༄

Warnings: none, this is fluff

The idea was given by a friend, so credits to her 🖤

I hope you enjoy!

A/n: idk why but Tumblr doesn't let me use the read more feature so I'm sorry if this is long :(

This isn't proofread so I'm sorry if I have typos

❧ Heeseung

You were on a date at an amusement park

It was Heeseung's idea to get on the ferris wheel and you couldn't say no because he was so excited about this date

You get in and sit down, hands sweating bc of nervousness

At first Heeseung didn't realize how you were wiping your hands on your pants, looking around like a lost puppy

But when the ferris wheel starting moving with a loud thud, you got startled clinging onto his arms

He found it so adorable that you were being so clingy to him more than ever cuz you were scared

He would immediately wrap his arms around you to pull you closer to himself

You would bury your face in the crook of his neck, trying to hide your blushing face, "So you're scared of heights huh baby?" He would ask giggling

You would raise your head to look at him but once you see how high you guys were you would immediately get back to your old position, "Shut up Heeseung I swear.." you would say jokingly punch his chest

He would stroke your hair slowly with one hand and with his other hand he would hold you close to himself by your waist, place small kisses to your nose and your forehead

Since you're too afraid to look he would tell you how bright the city looked, helping you imagine the beautiful view

❧ Jay

Jay booked up a table from a luxury restaurant for your monthly anniversary

But the thing was he booked it from the terrace floor which was too high 🥲

You gulped down once you saw where you guys were gonna eat but didn't say anything bc you didn't wanna break Jay's excitement

He hold your hand to walk with you to your desk, noticing your hesitant steps

"Is everything okay y/n?" He asked but before you could answer he noticed how you were nervously looking outside, gulping down your worries

He couldn't help but to smile seeing his girlfriend for months being this afraid for the first time, "Oh my gosh you're afraid of heights?" He would ask in disbelief between giggles

You would throw him a death glance, making him laugh out loud at your adorable reaction, placing his hand on your waist to pull you closer

"Don't worry baby, your man would protect you 😏" he would say teasingly after pecking your lips

"Oh my, I'm suddenly not afraid anymore" you would tease him while following his lead to your seat

❧ Jake

Jake was homesick so you both went to Australia for holidays

He and his friends used to go hiking together and this time he offered to you

You said yes, not thinking there will be anything that can bother you

It took a while for you guys to reach the top as you took your time and Jake was slowing himself to catch your pace

It was all fine, he was generally so caring to you, he kept asking if your were thirsty or tired every 15 mins

And it was all fine until you finally reached the top, realizing you were way higher than you imagined

Your eyes went 👁👁 while you unintentionally took a couple of steps back due the highness

Jake got worried thinking you were dizzy so he rushed to hold you from your waist asking if you were okay

"I never thought it would be THIS high" you let out smiling nervously, making Jake sigh in relief

He would pull you into a hug, a hand fixing your hair to push them from your sight, so he can look at your eyes

"It's okay baby, we can turn back" he would say smiling and would buy you something sweet to eat on your way home

❧ Sunghoon

Sunghoon never liked anything that was too extreme excluding that day where he insisted you to take the water ride with him after you accepted to go to an amusement park with him

You definitely didn't wanna get wet att all

But it wasn't the least of your problems bc the ride was also going higher than average at one point

Being shocked at the fact that Hoon was so hyped for this, he was literally begging you, saying it was too hot so it would be fun to get a little wet, stumping his feet and looking like little boy with the bunny ears he was currently wearing

How could you say no?

You get in your seat holding his hands and it was all fine until you reached the top

Oh God, the way you closed your eyes with your hands, praying for your soul

And the water that got splashed all over you while going down didn't help at all

Hoon turned to look at you while he was scream-laughing, seeing how you closed your eyes he get a bit worried

Moving your hands from your face with gentle movements, he kissed your hands, apologizing for insisting you

When you get off of the ride he cupped your face "I'm sorry baby, I never knew you were afraid of heights." He whispered in a guilty tone

He would peck your lips and get you a big teddy bear and let you choose what you guys were gonna do for the rest of the night

❧ Sunoo

Sunoo organized a birthday party for you at the terrace floor of the café you both liked

Everything was so well organized, all your friends were invited

He texted you that he would wait for you at that café, making it sound like a normal date like usual times

When you got there he was waiting for yout at the entrance, giving you a big hug, he held your hand and lead you to upstairs

It was dark, so you didn't really realize how high you were going up bc you two never really get to the terrace floor before

When you finally arrived everyone was singing you the happy birthday song, everything was glowing and you were so happy

Until you realized how high you were

You throw yourself at Sunoo after accidentally looking down to see how high you guys were, he was quick to hold you in his arms while laughing at you

"I didn't know you would like it so much" he would say in between giggles

"I like it so much but I just realized THAT WE ARE SO HIGH OMG" you would scream to his ears trying to make him hear you thru the loud music

He would stay by your side the whole night make sure you won't get startled bc of the height again

❧ Jungwon

Jungwon called you in the middle of the night saying he missed you and he wanted to see you

You couldn't say no to him so you get dressed to meet with him

He sneaked out from their dorm for an hour to see you

When he came to get you from your place he said he had a special place that he wanted to take you

After walking with him for approximately 15 mins he lead you into a building, taking you to the top floor

"Isn't it so pretty?" He asked pointing out the view, where you could see the whole city, admittedly it was very pretty but also very high

Not being able to hide your anxiousness you answered "Yes, it is."

He would notice that you get intimidated by the height but instead of asking the obvious he would reassure you with words

"I always remember you when I come here, because of the pretty view in front of me." He would say placing a small kiss your cheeks before hugging you

He would never let go of your hands, making sure you feel safe

❧ Ni-Ki

Riki was turning to Japan to visit his parents and offered you to go with him

Ofc you said yes

But the thing is you never thought of getting there with a plane

You didn't even think abt your fear of heights until the moment sit next to him in the plane

When the plane took off you closed your eyes, praying inside

Riki would try his best to not laugh at you, thinking how cute you genuinely look refusing to open your eyes

He would hold your hands inside his, trying to show you some of his dances that his hyungs recorded

He would try to distract you thru the whole thing and when he noticed you get tired, he would let you sleep laying on his lap

He would stroke your hair slowly, saying sweet things in between small teases, making you both laugh and relax

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 3 years ago

Text

Whatever Words Exist

StudentTeacher!Cal x Reader (Gender Neutral). Like mostly fluff.

Reader and Calum have only met briefly. But when the connection is this magnetic, you don’t press fate.

Masterlist (semi-hiatus)

_____________________

Calum readjusts the strap on his backpack, getting the bag hitched back right on his shoulder. Just up the hill he can see a gathering of people, a general human mass but still too far away for him to make out any one person in particular. He knows he’s in the right place for sure. So he continues on and a few folks wave as he approaches. Derrick, former officemate, spots Calum first and waves him closer.

“Meet Calum--old officemate of mine,” Derrick tells the group surrounding him. First years, Calum assumes and gives them a tiny smile and wave to the group.

“Yeah, because this jerk decided to apply for a full time instructor position. And then got upgraded,” Calum laughs.

“Look, gotta pay the bills how I can,” Derrick returns and then goes around the semi circle introducing everyone.

Calum looks at each one in return and then his gaze lands on yours. As a first year to the program and student teaching, you ran into Calum during the intense two week training. Well, you two didn’t really run into each other. Calum ran a few sessions during the training and you might have purposefully lingered behind on the free range Q&A that he was a part of with a few other experienced student teachers. He seemed to be calm and level headed about all the teaching and you were quite the opposite, so listening to him answer questions gave you a small amount of peace.

The second reason you lingered until everyone else was gone and asked their questions is because you thought he was attractive. The baggy t-shirt but nice fitting jeans and the way he titled in when he was listening to someone. He seemed to really care and take his time to answer any questions--even when he had other things he needed to attend to as well. “Hey,” he says as his smile brightens around your name.

“Hi Calum,” you return. “Slumming it with us first years.”

“I would never call it slumming, not in the slightest,” he laughs in return. The conversation steers away from that, talking about the summer and general shared interests. But every so often you and Calum lock eyes, gazes lingering for way longer than you’d like to admit. Mostly because you don’t want to be this into someone so early into the semester. And truth be told, the semester hadn’t even truly started.

About ten minutes pass before professors start to approach, a couple of them holding boxes of pizza. And while you definitely weren’t sure how to juggle all the responsibilities of teaching, classes, paying rent on time, you were grateful for the lunch of pizza. It also meant that you’d be taking some home if enough people didn’t go in for seconds. And getting a free meal plus an easy dinner was always worth it.

As the pizzas are lined up, you linger back, not wanting to be the first person to get food, but close enough to the first brave souls. “So, have you done any exploring around town?” Calum asks from behind you.

You spin to half face him to talk to him. “Not a lot. By the time we get done with training I’m too tired to do anything else. But I need to get my bike looked at, so I probably should get downtown at the very least.”

“What’s up with your bike? You said it was your main mode of transportation.”

“Just double checking tire pressure--nothing major. One of them feels like it’s not as high as the other. But rather be safe than sorry since the semester starts.”

Calum nods and shuffles up as the line moves. “If you need a ride to the shop, I have my car.”

You’re not sure if Calum’s offering just to be nice or if it means more. So you default to telling him he doesn’t have to, but he insists. And even as you’re grabbing a slice of pizza and Calum’s right behind you, you try to tell him that he shouldn’t completely disturb his whole day just for you.

“I cannot have you blowing a tire on the side of the road. Do you have your bike with you today? We could go after this.”

If there were any way to die right in this moment, you’re wishing for it. “I do,” you answer cautiously, walking towards the metal picnic tables. “But really, I can do by myself. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Oh, c’mon, this town’s not necessarily the nicest to cyclists and if you got stranded I’d feel like an ass.” Calum settles across from you on the bench, slipping his backpack off his shoulder. You do the same, setting your backpack next you and pulling your water bottle from the side pocket.

“I don’t know what your plans are. I don’t want to intrude,” you counter, unscrewing the top to your water bottle to take a sip.

“My plans were to sit in my office and pretend like I was lesson planning.”

“Where’s your office again?”

Calum rattles off the name of the building, before taking his first bite of pizza. And you swear for a moment the universe is fucking with you. It has it out for you. “I’m in the same building,” you state.

“I’m in room 138.”

Oh, how cruel is the universe. How fucking cruel could it be. “Same,” you state after finishing your bite of pizza. “Haven’t been inside to see it yet though.”

“Oh, it sounds like I’m your personal tour guide today.” And it’s not that he’s being adamant about it. Because you know if you were in the reverse positions, you’d do something similar. But a glint crosses his eyes, his smile is a slight curl of his lips and he’s looking up at you from underneath his lashes.

Your stomach flutters, and suddenly pizza looks and feels like lead, but you take another bite to do something other than let panic settle. A quiet settles between the two of you as you eat. Though more people are turning up and settling in around you to make up for the silence. A few more minutes pass, even with you tossing away your plate and saying hi to some other people who are also teaching for the first time this year before you hear the professors calling for the group’s attention.

As the group quiets down, you return back to the spot where your bag is and Calum’s still there, laughing at something Derrick is saying. You catch his gaze and you really only think that you should look away. But you do. He’s too fucking handsome not to keep your gaze lingering for a moment longer. The humorous smile changes, becomes more subtle as the two of you continue to gaze at each other.

You can feel your cheeks getting hot but slowly feel your own smile over taking your face before you cast your gaze down and then flick it back up to who’s speaking. It’s good information to get, as you listen to each professor in turn talk about the program more. You get a good sense of who each person is, and it’s not too much longer before each of the new and old cohort introduces themself.

It’s a natural break as everyone starts to talk again with the business now out of the way. You mingle with some of the instructors but gravitate towards the snacks that are available. Just as you get a good grasp on one of the oreos, your name is called out. You spin, making sure to keep the Oreos in a tight hold. Calum waves you over to the group he’s in and you walk over. You know you shouldn’t. You know you’re playing with fire. But you do so anyway and he introduces you to some other people in the same year as him. They weren’t at the student teacher training.

You’re thankful for the introduction but slowly the conversation drifts to the group joking about something that you seem to be missing and you know almost without thinking that Calum’s going to seize this opportunity. You turn to him first. “I like the vibe of this program,” you start.

He smiles. “I’m glad. It’s all pretty tight knit.” You nod, agreeing with this point, but also not sure if you’re reading the air between you and him correctly either. “Do you wanna duck out now?” he asks quietly. “Get that bike fixed up for the first day of classes.”

“Ye-yeah, that’s cool.”

He nods over to where your belongings are with a smile. And the two of you gather your things. As you lead Calum over to where you locked up your bike you pause. “Wait,” you start, “do you even have a place to strap a bike down?”

“My friends and I bike the trails a lot during the year. My SUV can handle it, I promise,” he returns with a laugh. The two of you walk side by side down the parking lot. “Where do you call home?” he asks.

You rattle off the answer and in return ask him the same. “Well home home is Australia. But I came to the states with some mates and we’ve sort of always called California a second home.”

“You beat me the longest distance from home,” you laugh.

“Well, only on a technicality.”

“So like your mom, dad, and siblings--if you have any--are like clear across the world?”

“Mum and Dad are. Sister’s in London.”

“Is she studying too?”

“Singer--she’s over there doing that.”

You hum. “Is singing a family trait?”

Calum laughs and you watch some lights blink from a car and you spy the keys in his hand. “I wouldn’t call it a family trait. But yeah, we all sing. In our own ways. Originally made some moves for music. Career paths changed just a tiny bit.”

“So you and the friends you moved with were in a band?”

“Of sorts. Went well for a while. Then we just needed rest.”

“So your idea of rest is going to school and teaching?” You laugh. Calum opens the trunk first for your bags. And when he closes it, you finally spot the rack to set your bike on.

“Like I said, career paths took a turn. Rest or new experience--I’ve yet to decide on the name yet.”

With the bike settled and secure, you walk around to the passenger side door. Calum’s quick to turn the air on in the car once he’s inside. His radio starts up immediately and he scrambles to turn it down. “Sorry, don’t wanna blast you out of the car,” he states.

“No, no worries.”

“Any requests? You can plug your phone in too, if you want.”

“Oh God, I take over the aux and you’re going to get some anime theme song and I’d rather save myself the embarrassment.”

Calum’s chuckle is quick and clear of the click of the seatbelts. He switches over the radio and hands you the white cord. “Now you have to embarrass yourself.”

“That’s what I get for opening my big mouth.” Plugging the cord in, you shuffle for a decent opening song as the truck starts backwards out of the parking spot.

“So what about you? How did the universe drop you here?”

“Pure determination and spite,” you laugh as the song starts over the speakers. “I finished my undergrad, worked for a couple years and then promptly said this is not what I want to do forever and started looking to go back to school.”

“Pure determination and spite,” Calum repeats. He keeps his attention heavily on the road as he’s driving out of the park and through the neighborhoods. But once he hits a stretch of main road he can glance over to you. And you’re staring out of the front windshield, head slightly tilted. “You look lost in thought?”

“Just admiring the view.”

And Calum hums, a sound of agreement, but the view he’s enjoying isn’t the sight of campus and the surrounding area. The two of you continue on, weaving around some traffic and soon you’re turning down a side street. One that reminds you almost of home. And maybe that’s just the universality of it all. Almost anything could be home if you wanted it to be, because there was always going to be a piece of a place that you could connect too.

“The guys here are nice and really quick about anything that’s a simple fix,” Calum offers. “Also, your music isn’t that bad.”

Your jaw drops just a little and a small squawk of indignation falls from your lips. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you ask, jumping out of the car. Calum’s already at the back, pulling your bike from the secure rack.

“It means that having an anime theme song play would’ve made it ten times better.”

You huff, but follow behind him into the shop. The two of you greeted almost immediately and when the guy working on the floor spies the bike, he’s quick to walk over and see what the issue is. You explain that you’ve noticed a difference in tire pressure. In your move your gauge got misplaced and you hadn’t quite yet had time to get someone to look at it until now.

“Yeah, we can check that for you. No problem. So any other plans for today?” he asks, making small talk. You talk briefly about the weather, though there’s not quite a lot to talk about it. Not too long later, the guy’s able to confirm that one of tires did have something puncturing it and letting out some air. But he’s quick to let you know that they can fix it in just a few minutes if the two of you have it.

“I’d greatly appreciate it,” you start and then look at Calum, who just shrugs. “Yeah, can you fix it?”

“Sure can. Just give me a few minutes.”

“Thank you.”

You watch Calum browse, trying not to linger on the way his back moves underneath the t-shirt as he reaches up for something along the walls. And it’s like asking to get into trouble. Though there’s nothing wrong with instructors dating. You just had a plan, that's all.The first semester you’d get settled, figure out what this whole student teaching life was all about. And the more you watched Calum, the more you were sure that plan was going to fall apart.

“Here she is, all fixed up.” You look up from your spot, in the store, having migrated to the opposite end of the door and walk over to the man with your bike. “Just a little puncture. Nothing too bad.” He rattles off the costs and it’s more than you anticipated, but not so much more that you have complaints.

Calum’s quick to take over the bike and walk it back outside, smiling as you hold the door open for him. “Thanks.”

“No, thanks to you. For chauffeuring me around.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he returns, getting the bike back onto the rack. “Did you want to explore some nearby shops?”

“Oh, hmm. Maybe later. I haven’t an ounce of lesson plans just yet. So I think I should maybe get my week 2 planned.”

“Well it sounds like you have something of week one planned,” Calum counters.

“We were forced. Thanks to orientation.”

He laughs. “Yeah, they wanted you to have that down at least.”

In the brief glance around, as you try to tell yourself, you shouldn’t explore, you spy a little coffee shop. It looks intriguing. And you point out the sign. “Have you ever tried them?”

“Yeah--it’s a really good shop.”

You take a small step towards the building, careful though because you’re still in the parking lot and about to head into the street. “Can I tack on just a tiny bit of exploring and grab a cup?”

“Of course.”

“Recommend anything?”

Calum holds the door open as he speaks. “Chai Latte, but you can’t tell anyone that it was me that recommended it.”

“Your secret it safe with me.”

In line, you try not to think about how close Calum is, as he stands behind you. But you can feel him, or maybe you want to feel it, you’re aware of him that it’s like all you’d have to do is fake a clumsy step back to be resting into his chest. You imagine it to be firm, but somehow cozy. And maybe that’s just the worn t-shirt he’s adorned in and the beanie on his head. But his presence feels soft to you.

Your daydream doesn’t last long as the line shuffles forward and you take the step forward rather than the step backward. The coffee shop is quaint, the wide windows letting in plenty of sunlight. But the tables are dark brown and look worn from your place in line. It feels lived in and you enjoy that even though the outside was painted a hunter green, the inside is a pretty beige accented by the chocolate wood of the tables.

“It’s like a dream,” you state in a whisper, taking in the lights in the ceiling and the scattered bodies of students with backpacks at their feet and others whom you assume live in town and are most likely trying to enjoy the last bits of quiet before the rest of the students descend onto the campus and town.

In all your sight exploration, your order is called up and Calum has to get it for you. He smiles though, watching the wonder that fills your eyes. “The offer’s still on the table,” he states, handing over the correct cup t you. “We can explore.”

“Can we raincheck? What does next weekend look like for you?”

He still hadn’t responded to Ashton about the hike. So he doesn’t really have plans. “Free as a bird.”

“Would it be okay? To wait till then?”

“Of course,” he exhales. “I’m not the one still learning with training wheels of teaching. I can do this in my sleep.”

“Oh, so big and tough,” you joke, but head back to the front door. The two of you break back out into the bright sun and it’s warm on your skin. “Just give me a semester. I’ll be able to knock you down a peg.”

And Calum doesn’t doubt that for a second. Not with the way you talked about getting into the program. Inside the truck, you’re handed the aux yet again and this time don’t think twice about plugging it in. “To our office?” he asks.

“You’re not even going to be doing anything for real.”

“I like the sense of productivity.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” you laugh. The drive back to the campus isn’t as long as you thought it would be. But somehow it comes all too quickly. You’re still not sure what’s happening between you and Calum. It’s easy, natural between the two of you. But your plan--you know it’s all going down the drain. All his jokes make you laugh, and you know one or two shouldn’t. And when you do laugh, Calum turns sheepish. He goes quiet, a tiny smile quivering at his lips.

Calum parks in the employee parking lot in front of the building with your office. Both of you climb out at the same time. And with backpacks, coffee, keys and phones all in place you two trek up to the door. “I think it’s only three of us in the office this year,” Calum talks, fishing out the right key on the hook.

“Only three?”

“This used to be an old dorm building. So they can usually stick four of us into the room. But the email we got about office assignments only had three names. There was a fourth, but I don’t know what happened to them. They were in a different English program than us. And I don’t know if they graduated or not.”

“Ah,” you return, stepping through the door behind him. And it doesn’t remind you too much of a dorm, not in the always at least. But when Calum unlocks the door, you can see where it definitely once was an older dorm building thanks to the sink in the corner. “You weren’t kidding, huh?’

“About it being an old dorm? Not in the slightest.” He drops his backpack into the desk on the left side of the room but closest to the window. A couple pictures decorate the desktop. The desk next to him as a blanket and the whiteboard above it, has something written on it. So you assume it’s the third person. The desk on the right, closest to the door has nothing on it. The one closest to the window, across from Calum is also empty.

You walk into the room some more and Calum pulls out his laptop from his bag and then steps around you. “As a heads up, the door stays locked. So you’ll need your key if you go out and close the door. I got locked out once or maybe twice. And it’s definitely not fun.”

You nod. “Thanks for the heads up.”

He smiles and then slips out of the door and you study the empty desk. It’s stupid, trivial to take the one across from Calum, but you drop your backpack into the office chair. The next time you come, you’ll bring desk decorations. To claim which one is yours. Because right now in the depths of your backpack you don’t have much. Well you do have a book that you don’t really need to keep up with too much. Maybe you can leave that.

Exhaling, you get mostly settled and just before you can get your laptop out of the sleeve the door opens to Calum walking through again. The beanie’s now in his hands as he strides across the room and you can’t help but stare at the curls falling from his head. You want to curse him for looking so good. But you force yourself to go back to your screen.

Calum settles back into his chair and watches you, sitting up straighter than he’s ever seen a person sit. And he wishes he wasn’t so chicken shit about it. You fucking asked him to hang out next weekend. But still, it’s like toying the line. Trying to make sure he’s reading the cues right. Maybe not right now, maybe next weekend he can get a better read, make a move. He turns back to his own laptop and finds the syllabus he made from the last semester. He can still use most of it. Though in the spring they had a break and in the fall, now they don’t. So he can delete that week as no class and actually have time for the group project in class that the department requires for them to teach.

A couple hours go by, silence between the two of you, but the clacking of keys makes a chorus around the room. Calum pauses every so often to look over his shoulder. Sometimes you’re deep into work, pushed up into the seat. And once or twice, he found you slouched, staring out at the window next to both of you.

Another hour passes and shuffling ensues behind Calum. He looks over and finds you packing up. “Headed home?”

You nod. “Managed to get the first unit mostly planned. We’ll see how it goes.”

He smiles. “I’m sure it’ll go well.” He goes to turn around and then remembers your bike is still attached to the back of his car. “Oh, let me go with you to get your bike,” he says ,shooting up from his chair. It rolls backwards for a split second but then makes a sudden stop.

“Oof,” you let out, rubbing at your stomach.

“Oh my god,” he rushes out, stepping in closer. “I’m so sorry. Had no clue you were that close. You okay?”

“Yeah,” you laugh and then look up. And Calum’s eyes are a deeper brown that you initially thought. Now that he's closer to you. “Yeah, I’m okay,” you exhale in a breath.

“You sure? I think the Campus Health Services is open. Or you know, urgent care?”

“I don’t think you caused internal bleeding. Just caught me off guard.”

He finally brings his gaze up from where you’ve stopped holding your stomach to your eyes. And he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t let his gaze drop below your eyes, because truth be told he already stared too much at your lips during the entirety of orientation. And he already knows just how plump they are.

It’s silent--almost uncomfortably so. “Can I--I should get your bike,” Calum says, saving himself from sure embarrassment.

He steps around you and you stretch out, capturing his wrist in your hand. “No, what were you going to ask?” you ask. The question leaves you without much thought and you know you shouldn’t ask. But you just can’t help it. Because you almost stretched up to kiss him.

“It’s nothing,” he returns. But he doesn’t pull his wrist away.

“Is it really nothing?”

Calum feels you step in closer. He inhales and lets it slowly. He shouldn’t. He absolutely should not let the question cross his lips. But he turn, and sees you illuminated by the sun from the windows and god, how can he deny an angel standing in front of him. “I was going to ask if I could ask you a question.” And it’s not really what he was going to ask. But it buys him some time.

“You can ask me.”

“Do you--is this--,” he exhales, for a moment hating that the words are getting caught in his throat. “I don’t know if you’re feeling the same thing I am. But I-I’ve been interested in you, like from the second I saw you at the orientation. And I really, really don’t want to make a fool of myself. But I was hoping, are you interested? In me?”

There it goes--the plan--down the drain in just a few sentences. “If you’re asking if I thought you were attractive, yes. And if you’re asking if I care to see where this goes, the answer is also yes. But it really wasn’t supposed to go down like this.”

The elation covers his face and makes his cheeks push up as he smiles--so much so that the skin around his eyes crinkles. “I’ll gladly interrupt all your plans.”

You scoff at the sentiment, but feel your body heating up. Calum steps in even closer to you. His fingers find yours and thread them together. “So the real question I had was if I could kiss you? But I wasn’t sure if that was too forward.”

“Too forward a minute ago. But not too forward for right now,” you state, already moving in to kiss him. It’s short, longer than a peck, but not quite long enough. Because as you pull away, Calum’s other hand is cupping the back of your head and keeping you closer. His hold is firm but his lips are soft and you melt, knees buckling just for a moment. Thankfully, you manage to recover quickly. It doesn’t stop Calum from chuckling.

“Are you telling me that I have that kind of effect on you?”

“Shut the fuck up, and kiss me again,” you state breathlessly. He doesn’t need to be asked twice. His lips capture yours again, happy to finally get a small taste of you. And you’re acutely aware that it must look ridiculous--you with your backpack full to the nines pressed up against Calum’s chest, chasing down his lips because his touch is mixing in with the scent of his cologne and all you know for sure is that it’s an intoxicating mixture that you want to be trapped in forever.

You pull away, needing just a moment to catch your breath and Calum rests his forehead against yours. “Are you sure you want to leave me now?” he teases.

“I--I’ll be honest. The reason why I was leaving was because I knew this was going to happen.”

“Oh? You knew?”

You laugh, cupping his jaw. “Calum, I know one thing for sure. You’re a dangerous man to be around.”

“Oh you’ve just met me. I should be offended.”

“Should be?” you question.

“You’re--I don’t know what. But I knew that I wanted to know you. So whatever words that exist for that--that’s what you are.”

“I’m flattered,” you state softly.

“If you give me 5, I can pack up my stuff and drop you off back at home. Now I’d be an asshole not to drop you off.”

You watch him, pulling back from the closeness. “I can make it home now that my bike’s fixed. Thanks to your insistence.”

“Well, let me insist one more time that I make sure you get home safely.”

“Fine,” you resign. And he’s quick to pack up. Out in the hallway, he takes your hand, threading your fingers again. And it’s natural, easy between the two of you. You bump shoulders, laughing as you step out in the daylight.

Inside his car, you slip back into the passenger seat. But when Calum settles into the driver seat and gets buckled in, he rests one hand on your thigh. Not too high up, nothing too suggestive, but not directly on your knee. You try not to let it fluster you, the ease at which he establishes touch, but your heart races just a little.

You curl your fingers around his palm--it’s something to do with your hands, but also allows you a bit of control. You direct him easily back to your apartment. It’s nearly a straight shot, minus the one left turn needed and when he pulls up into a parking space in front of your building, he squeezes at your fingers just a little.

You face him with a smile. “Thanks, for everything.”

“Yeah of course,” he returns. “So, next weekend? More exploring?”

“I’d like that.”

“I’ll text you about the date and time for sure. Unless we meet again in the office.”

Unbuckling your seatbelt, you laugh gently stretching across the console. “I have a suspicion we shall meet again in the office.”

“Lovely,” he breathes and you meet his lips, capturing them gently before pulling away and grabbing all your things. Your bike is easy to get down and then you lock it back up on the rack outside, even though Calum does help. He leans up against the door and you spy him watching.

“Enjoying the show?” you tease shaking your butt at him at the outside door of the building.

His laughter rings out. “Making sure you get inside safely, actually. But a show is always welcomed.”

#calum hood #calum hoos fanfic #calum hood fic #calum hood blurb #calum hood x reader insert #calum hood x reader #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5 seconds of summer #h writes #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer blurb #5 seconds of summer fic #calum hood imagine #calum hood fluff

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nineteenninety-six · 4 years ago

Text

It’s What We Make It

Just a warning, this is technically based in S2 but at the same time it’s not. It contains scenes from seasons I like but it doesn’t follow the show’s timeline. Also, a lot of time skips because I’m lazy.

This took me two weeks to write and though I wish it could be better, I’m done with it. It was meant to be a request fulfil but it’s so far gone from that lol. Also this better appear in the bloody tags otherwise I’ll fight someone

Word Count: 14,827

The night (Y/N) escaped from her family's home would be a night she would never forget.

She disappeared in the middle of the night and triggered the plan she had spent almost a year planning. Due to what her family did for a living, she worked alone in case she got caught.

Her family had enough money to the point where they wouldn't notice a small amount going missing, which is exactly what she did. She took enough to ensure she left the country quickly and safely. She also stashed a few jewels and other expensive items to sell once she reached her destination.

She planned to go to England. She didn’t know where in England she would go but England was far away enough from her home country that she should be able to live comfortably and without fear.

(Y/N) didn’t know what her family would think about her disappearance, maybe they’d think that a rival gang had kidnapped her, but she knew that they wouldn’t let it simply go and they would send people to look for her.

.•° ✿ °•.

Once (Y/N) arrived in England, she took a random train to Birmingham and then another to Small Heath. She had no clue where she was going or what these places were like but she did not let that stop her and if it was not the place for her, then she would move on.

When she arrived it was late in the day but the streets were not quiet and (Y/N) could see a pub at the end of the street that was filled with people to the point that people spilled out onto the street outside and the faint sound of people talking and singing spilled out alongside them.

(Y/N) gave the pub one last glance before she made her way into the small hotel and paid for a room. She would spend a few days at the hotel and discovering the place before she decided if Small Heath was a place where she was to stay long term.

(Y/N) garnered a few stares of curiosity as she walked around Small Heath which wasn’t surprising since she was clearly an outsider. The town was clearly one that wasn’t used to new people but they seemed merely curious at best.

She wandered around the main road where all the shops rested, making mental notes of them and she passed by the pub that was alive with people the night before stopped by a small cafe for lunch. The sweet owner easily answered any questions she had, seemingly not having an issue with the fact that she wasn’t from around there and even though she had only been in Small Heath for less than two days, (Y/N) was pretty sure this was the place she wanted to stay.

She asked the cafe owner about any job openings in town and was informed of the Garrison, the pub she saw earlier, was looking for a barmaid.

(Y/N) had never worked a day in her life but she wouldn’t be able to survive for long on the money she got from selling the stuff she had brought with her. She didn’t have the skills or the experience to become a barmaid or for any job for that matter, as she never had a reason to. Her family had drilled into her at a young age that once she was old enough, she would be married to another gang family. Either as a gift to thank a family that had been long loyal or to a rival to calm rising tensions and to gain allies.

She had been coddled for her entire life. Her parents gave her the best tutors in the country but she had barely left their manor at all through her childhood, which gave no social skills or friends but that was all about to change.

When she entered the pub, there was only one man in there and he was sweeping the floor but he looked up when she walked in.

“I heard that you were looking for a barmaid?” (Y/N) spoke first, when the man did not.

The man looked her up and down with a disbelieving stare, “You? A barmaid? Don’t make me laugh”

“Please,” (Y/N) took a step forward, “I’m desperate”

“Look, the people around here aren’t nice. Especially when they are drunk. You just look a bit too delicate to work here”

“I can hold my own”

She could. It wasn’t uncommon for her father to hold parties or dinners where he and his allies would drink until the sun rose and he’d always make her stay the entire night, most likely to show off how dutiful she was. After all, the men in that type of business weren’t looking for a headstrong and independent woman, they’re looking for a meek woman that would obey their instructions and carry their children to continue the family name and (Y/N) wasn’t that type of woman.

The man still didn’t look like he believed her but he must have seen the desperation in her eyes as he let out a resigned sigh, “Trial run tonight. If you do well, you get the job.”

(Y/N) bobs her head with a pleased smile, “Thank you.”

“Harry” The man held out his hand.

(Y/N) shook it, giving him her name.

“Seven pm on the dot tonight.”

“Thank you, Harry, I’ll be there”

.•° ✿ °•.

At seven pm, the pub only had a few customers but she dealt with those easily. Harry had taught her how to pour a pint and create a few other drinks and luckily for her, the people of Small Heath were simple when it came to their drinks.

By nine pm, the Garrison was filled to the brim with people. A portion of the pub was loudly singing along to the song that the woman at the piano was playing and the rest of the patrons were talking with their friends, almost shouting to be heard above the singing.

The atmosphere was unlike anything (Y/N) had ever experienced before but she found herself enjoying it. She didn’t think she stopped moving for a moment as she spun around the bar, fulfilling orders until a small window at the corner of the bar, something she hadn’t noticed until that moment had opened up, causing her to pause in her steps. It was more out of surprise than anything else at first but the man at the other side of the window with his bright blue eyes had also caught her attention.

With Harry busy, (Y/N) made her way to the small window, “...May I help you?”

The man’s eyes flickered up to her and he seemed speechless for a moment before he orders, “Two bottles of dark rum and four glasses”

(Y/N) nods and turns around only to smack straight into Harry’s chest.

“I’ll get that for you, Tommy. (Y/N) there are some people down at the end who want some ale”

(Y/N) looks up at Harry, confused on why he suddenly butt in and took over the order but just as she was going to silently nod and do as she was told but ‘Tommy’, spoke up before she could.

“Let her do it, Harry. She looks perfectly capable”

Harry looked like he would argue, but he quickly nodded and allowed (Y/N) to get the drinks but he quickly followed behind her.

“Anything that he or the other members of the Shelby family is free of charge.”

(Y/N) frowned and turned to ask him why but he had already disappeared to fulfil the orders of the other patrons.

She picked up the two bottles of rum and placed them by the window before she went off to collect the glasses.

“Harry says everything is on the house,” She says as he places the glasses down next to the bottles of rum, hoping that he could explain why.

“Hmm,” The man simply hummed as he picked up the drinks and placed them on the table in the snug behind him.

He turned around but stopped midway before he turned back to face her, looking at her up and down. “You’re not from around here”

“What gave it away?” (Y/N) responded sarcastically, knowing that her accent stood out.

“What’s your name?” Tommy’s interest had been piqued and he leant forward on the bartop

“What’s yours?” (YN) threw back.

Tommy squinted his eyes and (Y/N) raised an eyebrow. She had been raised amongst egotistical and big-headed men and she knew how to deal with them.

“Tommy Shelby”

“(Y/N)”

“I’ll see you again, (Y/N)”

“I’ll make sure of it, Mr Shelby”

Tommy gave her one last nod before he disappeared into the snug and closed the window doors behind him.

(Y/N) was swept up with the rest of the customers the rest of the night and only got a break when they had closed up for the night and she was cleaning up.

“Listen, (Y/N), it’s best if you try to keep away from the Shelby’s.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just promise me that you’ll stay away from them?”

“Only if I have the job”

Harry was silent for a moment before he sighed and nodded “Alright, you have the job. You did good tonight anyway.”

“Thank you, Harry”

(Y/N) had spent the rest of the night looking at places to rent in the newspaper, marking down which one suited her needs, making notes to call the landlords in the morning. With a secure job, she could now start to settle down in Small Heath.

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) found a small flat that was perfect for her, she had paid a deposit and the first month of rent before moving herself and her singular suitcase into her new place. It was the opposite of what she grew up with but she found that it didn’t affect her as much as she thought it would. Her old bedroom was at least four times as big as her dingy little flat but she found the little room appropriate enough and she was determined to perservere and not give up.

Once she had finished settling in, she took another walk around Small Heath before she had to go in to work that evening.

She had found herself by the cut and she stood right by the edge with the tips of her shoes just over the edge as she thought about her life. She knew it wouldn’t be long before her family somehow narrow where she had run off too, no doubt they had already sent men to America, Australia and England already but she hoped that Small Heath was a small enough place that she’d have at least a few years before she had to move on.

“Hullo”

(Y/N) swung around, not hearing whoever it was come up behind her but her momentum had caused her to trip over her feet and fall backwards, falling into the canal with a loud splash. Her thick coat and her shoes had weighed her down as she struggled to resurface.

Tommy raced over to the edge and kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his coat and cap before he dived in after her. He swam down until he could see her and reached out and grabbed her arm before he started to swim to the surface, pulling her along.

When they both reached the surface, they gasped for air and (Y/N) coughed and sputtered out the water that she had accidentally swallowed. Tommy swam to edge, still tugging her along before he pulled himself out of the water before helping her out.

(Y/N) coughed a few more times before falling back so that she was flat on her back as she stared up at the sky.

Tommy walked over to her and looked down at her, “You alright?”

(Y/N) glared at him as she took his offered hand and stood up, “Do you creep up behind every woman you know?”

“Only the ones that fascinate me”

His words caused (Y/N)’s glare to falter, “I suppose I should feel flattered then ?”

Tommy ignored her question as he turned on his heel and began to walk away before he called out to her over his shoulder, “C’mon, follow me”

(Y/N) grimaced as she moved to follow after him, her stocking covered feet squelched in her heels as she walked behind him. The rest of her clothes clung to her uncomfortably and her hair stuck to her face and neck.

She didn’t know where Tommy was going and she didn’t exactly know why she was following him either but she supposed he fascinated her as she did him.

He took her to Watery Lane and into one of the houses, and she still squeaked uncomfortably behind him as she followed him into the kitchen.

“Sit”

Tommy pointed to a random seat before he shuffled around the kitchen putting a full kettle on the stovetop and letting it boil while (Y/N) sat down as he instructed.

(Y/N) looked at the kitchen around her in curiosity. The walls had been knocked down to let it be more open and just to the side of her there was a large green double door which she guessed led to the property next door but she had no clue why. She could hear the faint sounds of people talking through it but it was too muffled to hear anything clearly.

Just as she snapped out of her mind, Tommy had placed a cup down in front of her.

(Y/N) looked down at the cup in curiosity, “What’s this?”

Tommy sat down on the other side of the table, across from her with his own cup.

“Tea. To warm you up”

“What type of ‘tea’?” (Y/N) asked, “Anyway, I think getting out of my wet clothes will help more than a cup of hot..tea”

“Tea, tea. Have you never seen tea before?”

“I have never heard the word tea before. In my native language, we call this something else.” (Y/N) carelessly reveals, “Are you meant to drink it straight”

Tommy files away her first sentence away in his mind, making a mental note to find out where she was from before he leant across the table and pulled the teacup closer to him.

“You can if you want. Most add milk and sugar”

“How much-” (Y/N) asked, “How do you do yours?”

“Splash of milk, two teaspoons of sugar”

(Y/N) nods, “Okay, I’ll try it the way you like.”

Tommy nodded and did the tea for her. Never at all did he think that he would be making a cup of tea for a woman the second time he had ever met her but he supposed he did feel a little guilty for her falling into the cut and almost drowning.

(Y/N) took a sip and let a pleased hum, “This is...nice.”

“You like it?”

“Yes, I enjoy your...tea”

Tommy’s lip quirked at her words but the smile that nearly graces his lips quickly vanishes when Polly walks through the green doors,

“Thomas, have you-oh” Polly freezes in her steps at the sight of the stranger sitting at the table.

“Polly,” Tommy cleared his throat as he stood up, “This is (Y/N), the new barmaid at the Garrison”

(Y/N) stood up and shook the hand of Polly and tried not the feel exposed as the woman raked her eyes across her.

“Why are the two of you wet?”

“I fell into the cut and Tommy helped me” (Y/N) quickly spoke before Tommy could speak.

Polly looked at Tommy as if she couldn’t believe what (Y/N) was saying was true. (Y/N) finished off her cup of tea before he cleared her throat, catching their attention, “Thank you for the tea, Tommy but it’s probably best I get home. Staying in wet clothes will only make me sick”

Tommy nodded and seemed perfectly fine with just walking her to the door but Polly spoke up for him, “Tommy walk her home”

(Y/N) opened her mouth to argue but the look Tommy sent her told her that it was better to not argue.

They walked back to her flat in silence and it made (Y/N) realise how weird her day was. In what was meant to be a normal day exploring, ended up with her almost dying and then being treated with a cup of tea by a man whose mere presence prompted question marks.

.•° ✿ °•.

That evening (Y/N) was back at the Garrison, pulling pints and serving customers. It was never not busy and (Y/N) wondered how she didn’t end up with a headache every night but she enjoyed the work.

When the pub quietened suddenly, it caused (Y/N) to look up from her work and she saw Tommy, Polly along with three other men who she had never seen before entering. Polly and the men entered the little snug whilst Tommy made his way up to the bar and with Harry overwhelmed, (Y/N) made her way over to him after she finished with her current customer.

“How may I help you, Mr Shelby?” She asked as she wiped her hands on her apron.

“Bucket of mild and four mugs and one whiskey”

(Y/N) nodded and went to go fulfil his order when Harry called out to her,

“We’re out of the mild! I’m gonna go get a new barrel.”

(Y/N) turned around and gave Tommy a sorry smile, “I’ll bring it to you when Harry’s done”

Tommy gave her a nod before he disappeared in the snug. (Y/N) watched him for a moment before she turned to the next patron with a kind smile.

.•° ✿ °•.

Tommy joined his family in the snug and sat in his usual seat, paying half attention to the conversation around until it suddenly turned to him.

“Oi, Tom, who’s the new barmaid?” John asked, “And where are our fucking drinks?”

“A new hire by Harry” Tommy said as he lit up a cigarette, “Needed a new barrel, it’ll be here soon.”

Just then (Y/N) walked into the snug, bucket and mugs in hand.

“Sorry for the wait,” She said as she placed them on the table and quickly disappeared back out of the snug.

Once she left, John and Arthur let out low whistles.

“She’s a looker ain’t she” John commented

Polly rolled her eyes at her nephew’s behaviour while Michael noticed something else about the woman.

“Where is she from? Her accent is not from England”

Tommy shrugged, “Haven’t a clue”

Polly raised an eyebrow, “You don’t know? Usually, you’d know everything about her, especially since she works at the pub”

Tommy ignored her for a moment as he began to scoop up a mug of ale, his brothers following suit before he answered her.

“There’s something she’s hiding and I don’t think any call I make will clue me into it”

.•° ✿ °•.

That night as (Y/N) and Harry closed up, (Y/N) finally asked Harry about something that had been itching her about Tommy Shelby.

“Harry, when you warned me about Mr Shelby, what did you mean? What do the Shelby’s do?”

Harry sighed as he dropped his rag down on the bar, “They’re bad men. They’re a gang, they fix races, kill people, blackmail, threaten, you know all of it. If they want it, they get it.”

(Y/N) settled in silence at his words, her mind racing. Did she just escape from the gang at home just to run into a new gang? Was her luck that shitty?

She remained silent for the rest of the night but vowed that she’d try her best to avoid Tommy Shelby.

.•° ✿ °•.

Avoiding Tommy was easier said than done, he was somehow everywhere yet at the same time it was like he was a ghost. Whenever she saw him on the streets of Small Heath, she ducked into the many side streets and alleyways of the town. Whenever he entered the Garrison, she took his order swiftly and avoided eye contact.

Tommy had noticed her behaviour.

A few weeks later he found her once again by the cut but this time she was sitting on the edge with her feet hanging over the edge. Tommy walked over to her but didn’t sit down next to her.

“You’ve been hiding from me”

(Y/N) didn’t even look up at him when she replied, “Have I? It seems that you’ve found me”

“Why?”

“Why do you care?”

Tommy hummed, “I suppose I don’t. Not really.”

“But you do though, don’t you? You care”

“I do”

“Why?”

“You fascinate me.”

“...I’ve heard about the things you do Tommy.” (Y/N) decided to tell him why she had been avoiding him.

“Yeah?” Tommy asked as he took a seat next to her, knowing that this wasn’t going to be a short conversation.

“I do...I do not understand why”

“Growing up around here you have to know how to fight otherwise you won't survive. You have to adapt and grow. Fixing races or scamming the rich to get some money was the only way that we were able to feed our family at times.” Tommy offered her a cigarette which she accepted. “After the war, whilst we were at war, fighting for our lives and country, the men at the top simply sat at home and continued getting richer.”

(Y/N) had a frown on her face as she took a couple of drags of her cigarette, “But you murder people?”

“I’ve killed a few people”

“And that doesn’t affect you?”

“In the war, I killed about a hundred men who were just following orders like me. I used to beat myself up about taking a life but now, killing the people who profited off the war in some fashion barely gets me to blink”

“...So you only target the rich?”

Tommy nods, “You ask anyone and they’d probably say that we’re a pain in the arse but we’re their pain in the arse. We pump the money back through the town, making sure everyone has jobs and that they can support their families”

(Y/N)’s heart eased at his clarification.

“My fa-” (Y/N) cut herself off realising that she was about to spill too much information about herself, “Back home, the gangs there targeted everybody. The poorer people suffered the most since they couldn’t pay ransoms or blackmail...every week a body would be discovered. Politicians and the most powerful men in the country were being controlled by these gangs, being played like marionettes. Not to mention the constant wars between rival gangs…”

(Y/N) hadn’t spoken about how life was back home and it felt good to finally speak to someone about it. She knew she had it good considering she rarely left the family manor and had anything and everything she could have asked for and nothing that her family did had negatively affected her in any way.

“Is that why you left your country?”

(Y/N) nodded, “I was scared that I left one gang and fell into the grasp of another”

Tommy took one last drag of his cigarette before he chucked it in the cut and (Y/N) followed suit.

Tommy took her chin in his hands and pulled her face so that she was facing him, “You won’t be hurt here. You’re safe”

(Y/N)’s placed her hand over his that was still on her face but she didn’t try to remove it, “I’m am not safe, they will find me”

“Who will?”

(Y/N) gave him a soft smile as she finally pulled his hand away, “Never you mind. I’ve already said too much”

(Y/N) stood up and brushed off the dust and dirt from her before she offered him her hand, “Walk me to work?”

Tommy grabbed her hand and pulled himself up, “Of course”

The walk back was silent but (Y/N) felt at ease now that she knew the truth behind Tommy and the gang’s motives.

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) no longer hid whenever she saw Tommy in the streets but instead gave him smiles. He wouldn’t always return them but (Y/N) felt a warmth bloom in her chest whenever he gave her a nod or a tiny smile in answer.

One day, in the early afternoon, Tommy and his brother, Arthur had entered the Garrison, so she went over to take their order.

“What can I get you two?”

“Go get Harry for us”

(Y/N) got Harry and moved further down the bar but still close enough to listen to their conversation.

“What can I get you, boys?”

“Harry,” Tommy gave him a smile that wasn’t sincere in the slightest, “We want to buy your pub”

(Y/N)’s mouth dropped and so did Harry’s.

“Uhhh, it’s not for sale I’m afraid”

“It wasn’t a request, Harry.”

Harry instantly deflated as he knew he couldn’t exactly say no to the Peaky Blinders unless he wanted his eyes cut.

“Alri-”

“You can’t just do that!” (Y/N) stepped in, throwing Tommy a glare, “Harry said it wasn’t for sale, that’s your answer and you should accept it”

“Harry was just about to agree-”

“Through coercion” Once again, (Y/N) cut in.

Harry’s eyes were wide as he tugged on (Y/N)’s arm, telling her to stop but she didn’t listen.

“I didn’t make any threats. Did you hear me make a threat, Arthur?”

“Nah, I didn’t hear you make any threats brother” Arthur backed his brother up

“The implication was there. ‘Do as I ask or get your eyes cut’.”

Harry pulled on her arm again but (Y/N) shrugged him off.

Tommy sighed, he patience wearing thin, “Listen, we’re just offering a considerable amount to buy the pub, nothing more”

“Since you have so much money, build a bloody pub yourselves, or better yet shove it up your-”

Harry finally pulled her hard enough that she had to move unless she wanted to fall flat on her face,

“(Y/N) go in the back. I’ll deal with it.” Harry pushed her away, “Go”

(Y/N) threw one last glare over her shoulder before she disappeared in the back. She paced around in Harry’s office waiting for him, she knew that he’d more than likely accept the Shelby’s offer but a part of her hoped that he didn’t.

When he returned there was a roll of money in his hand which caused (Y/N) to release a frustrated sigh.

“I don’t want to end up in the cut” Harry tried to explain

“I know, I know. I’m not blaming you, I’m just annoyed at those Shelby men.”

“Listen, I know your stubborn but don’t go creating fights with those men”

“I can’t promise you anything” (Y/N) walked towards the exit, “I’ll go back to the bar”

(Y/N) was in such a bad mood for the rest of the day that the patrons simply made an order and then quickly scurry off once they got their drink, not wanting to be on the receiving end of her if they’d pushed her.

She was still in a mood once she had finished for the day and stormed home but once she collapsed on her bed, she felt a bit of tension drain out of her shoulders.

Despite how much she wanted to stay in bed, she knew couldn’t do it with the day's clothing still on her. She kicked her shoes off in the corner of her flat and chucked her coat on the small couch before pouring herself a glass of whiskey.

She sipped on the whiskey as she wiped down her face with a damp cloth and changed into her nightdress before taking a seat near the window with the rest of her drink, the bottle next to her on the side table. Usually, she read a bit before she slept but it was raining that night and the sound of it hitting the window always calmed her, so she simply looked out of the window, watching the last few stragglers of Small Heath wander through the streets.

She had been at peace before loud knocking disrupted her and she huffed as she made her way over to her door, only opening it enough to fit her head through.

“What do you want?” Tommy was on the other side.

“I’m here to talk”

“It’s late. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“I want to talk now” Tommy pushed the door open and forced himself into her flat.

“Thomas! You can’t just force yourself into my flat” (Y/N) hissed at him as she closed the door behind him knowing she wouldn’t be able to physically remove him at this point.

Tommy looked around the flat checking it out as she took off his coat and hat, throwing next to where (Y/N) left hers.

“Nice little place you got here”

“Why are you really here Tommy?”

Tommy turned around and raised an eyebrow when he saw what she was wearing causing (Y/N) to wrap her arms around her chest as she hurried to her dressing gown and putting it on.

“What do you want?” (Y/N) repeated herself, “If this is about earlier, then I refuse to speak about it”

“It is about today and you will speak about it”

“Well if you truly want to speak then let it be known that, I will not sit around and let you bully people into doing what you want”

“That’s how it works around here”

“That’s how you force it to work around here. People would rather say yes than end up blind or floating in the cut” (Y/N) corrected him.

She took a deep breath before she topped off her drink and offered him one, “Whiskey?”

“Please”

She gave him a glass before shifting the coats that rested on the couch onto the coat rack and then taking a seat on the now free couch and Tommy soon joined her.

“You say you’re not like the people back home but your actions today say different” (Y/N) took a sip of her drink, “You keep going down this lane and you’ll be like my….”

Tommy turned to her, “Like your who?”

“Never mind.” (Y/N) shook her head, “You’ve never been told ‘no’ in your life have you?”

“I have. Polly tells me about five times every day”

“I don’t mean by your family. You’ve never been told by a woman or by anyone in Small Heath like Harry, have you?”

Tommy shrugged his shoulders, “No, I don’t think so”

“Luckily for you, I’m here to humble you”

“Luckily?”

“Luckily.”

Tommy placed his hand on her thigh which caused her to raise an eyebrow at him but she didn’t say nor do anything.

“I know nothing about you,” Tommy told her

“I could say the same thing about you”

“You know things about me. You know my family and my past.”

(Y/N) snorted, “That’s a bit of a stretch. I know that you fought in the war, that’s it”

“That’s more than I know about you.”

“Okay” (Y/N) holds up two fingers, “You get to know one thing about my past and one about my family”

Tommy sipped his drink as he thought about which questions he would ask her.

“How many siblings do you have?”

“Four older brothers”

“You’re alike our Ada”

(Y/N) had never met the Shelby lady but judging by the little bits she heard from the brothers, it seemed like she, other than their aunt, was one of the only people who could tell Tommy to ‘shut up’ or ‘fuck off’ without consequence.

“In more ways than you may realise”

“Where are you from?”

“Ah!” (Y/N) held up her hand, “I won’t answer that”

“Why not?” Tommy fiddled with the edge of her dressing gown, his hand shifting higher up her thigh

“Because I said so, now, new question”

“How was your life back home?”

“Easy. I never had to worry about if there would be food on the table at the end of the day but I was restricted.”

“How?”

“I was not allowed to leave my house nor have friends, my life was lonely.”

“Was you sick as a child?”

“No. I was a vulnerability” (Y/N) downed the rest of her drink before turning to Tommy, “I’ve said too much. That was more than one thing you pulled from me”

“I’ll make it up”

“I hope so”

(Y/N) bit her lip as she thought something through as the flat dissolved into silence.

“Are you going to sleep with me or are you going to continue to play with my dressing gown?”

“Are you going to say no?”

“I won’t be tonight”

“Good”

With that, Tommy swooped down and pulled her into a kiss, one that she eagerly returned. They kissed until they pulled apart needing air and Tommy pulled her onto his lap,

“You sure?”

“Yes”

(Y/N) pulled him into another kiss as Tommy lifted her into his arms as he pushed himself onto his feet and made his way over to her bed where he promptly dropped her though he quickly followed suit.

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) mindlessly trailed her fingers across Tommy’s ribs as they laid together underneath her blanket. Tommy was sat up against the headboard as he smoked a cigarette while (Y/N) was curled into his side.

“Next week, I’ll take you down to London,” Tommy announced, breaking the silence.

(Y/N) snorted, “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“I don’t do dates.”

“Hmm, I suppose you don’t have to wine and dine them. Somehow your charm does the work”

“‘Somehow’?”

“You’re a miserable bastard Tommy” (Y/N) looked up at him and gave him a smirk

“Next week then?” Tommy ignored her jab

“Yeah, I’ll talk to Harry and get a day off”

“You don’t have to ask Harry. We own the bloody pub, take as many days off you want”

“You may own it but I do not work for you, I work for Harry” (Y/N) looked up and glared at Tommy, before rolling to the other side of the bed and wrapping the blankets around her shoulder, “Anyway, I’m going to sleep now. Stay or leave, I don’t mind.”

Not realising how tired she was, (Y/N) almost immediately fell asleep and Tommy stared at her sleep form.

He was enamoured with her, her mysterious life aside, he looked forward to every time they would meet and he enjoyed her fiery attitude towards him but he was confused as to what he wanted their relationship to be like. He didn’t date but he wanted something more than a purely sexual dynamic but he didn’t know what she wanted either. He could speak to her but that was outside of his comfort zone.

Tommy did not leave but he did not sleep, he continued to sit and smoke through the rest of his pack as he watched the sky turn light and the sun rose before he finally left.

.•° ✿ °•.

The next week, Tommy had picked (Y/N) up and together they drove down to London. She had dressed up a bit but nothing in something that would be overdoing it but she had noticed Tommy run his eyes over her appreciatively, something that she enjoyed.

“You know, I’ve never been to London” (Y/N) said as she watched the scenery go.

“Never?”

“No. When I arrived in the country, I came straight to Birmingham on a train and that was that”

“Well, I hope you enjoy it”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “Me too”

(Y/N) filled the rest of the journey with questions, not just about London but about Birmingham and Small Heath as well.

When they arrived in London, (Y/N) got swept up in all of it. She enjoyed the bright lights and people filled the street. It was unlike anything she’s ever experienced and she loved it.

Tommy took her to go see a play, and as she watched the actors perform, (Y/N) thought she should make a list of things that Tommy was introducing her to because she was quickly running out of fingers to count on.

After dinner, Tommy took her to a bridge that crossed the River Thames and they talked as they looked over the barrier, like they did by the cut in Small Heath.

“Tonight was great, thank you, Tommy”

Tommy took a step closer to her and took her hand in his, “Look, I don’t know what the future entails or what I exactly want between us but I do want you next to me”

“I’ve never heard of that position before” (Y/N) curled her fingers around his, “I’m not your partner, your fiance, your wife but…”

“You are my person”

“...Your person”

As Tommy leant forward to kiss her, (Y/N) suddenly snapped back, her head swivelling around.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

(Y/N) threw one last look over her shoulder before turning to him with a smile that he was starting to recognise as one she used as a distraction and a cover-up. It worked on him before and he has seen it being used against various members of Small Heath, who, once seeing that smile, had followed her conversation change though (Y/N) also had no problem using her sharp tongue if anyone crossed any lines.

.•° ✿ °•.

Just as Tommy leant down towards her, (Y/N) heard people speaking the language of her home country causing her to pull away from him. She strained to hear what was being said but the voices were quickly drowned by the chatter of over people on the bridge along with the cars that sped around them.

She looked around trying to see if she recognised anyone but yet again, the bridge was so busy, it was impossible for her. (Y/N) mentally cursed at herself, she was foolish to let her barriers remain down whilst they were in London, as it was more likely her father had men there and if she had been spotted, she wouldn’t know until it was too late.

When Tommy called for her attention she turned to him with a smile after one last look over her shoulder. While she couldn’t see anyone, she would be on edge for a while.

“So, did you book a hotel room or are we driving back tonight?”

Tommy stood back and offered her his arm, “To the hotel it is”

.•° ✿ °•.

A month after the trip to London, (Y/N) and Tommy were going steady, if that was an appropriate word for their dynamic. They saw each other on a regular business but he hadn’t taken her on a date anywhere as extravagant as the one to London but (Y/N) enjoyed the nights in her flat where they would just drink and talk.

She was less on edge now she was back in Small Heath and nothing had happened to her but she remained vigilant but her new life relatively undisturbed changed that evening.

She had been working at the pub as usual when she felt eyes on her, it was unusual that when a patron got drunk that they would stare at her but they would usually look away once a prostitute or a friend got their attention but this man was different.

She took quick glances at him as she worked and not once did this man's gaze falter, he had been nursing the same drink he had first ordered and his eyes were clear of any drunkness. (Y/N) knew something was up with him.

Not wanting to be defenceless, (Y/N) went out to the back of the pub and picked up one of the loose bricks that were laying around and put it in her handbag before she returned to the bar, hoping that the man assumed she only took a toilet break.

Once her shift ended, (Y/N) left Harry to close up and started her way home. The man had left with the other patrons when the pub was closed but (Y/N) knew the man was waiting in the shadows for her.

As she walked back to her flat, she heard his footsteps behind her and her heart raced. If her plan went wrong then she would either be brought back home or dead and out of two, she preferred death.

She sped up and turned into the upcoming alleyway as she took her handbag off of her shoulders and grasped it tightly in her hands and when the man turned into the alleyway, she swung her bag at his head and watched as it successfully connected, causing the man to collapse at her feet.

She paused waiting to see if he stirred but the man was knocked out. (Y/N) dropped to her knees before she searched the body, looking for a gun or any sort of weapon but when she heard hurried footsteps heading her way she froze before she pulled the brick out of her purse and held it aloft, ready to throw it whoever to turned the corner, fearing that the man had an accomplice that she didn’t see.

.•° ✿ °•.

On his way home from his office, Tommy had spotted (Y/N) on her way home from work but just as he was about to call her name and get her attention, he noticed the man following her.

He snapped his mouth shut but silently followed after the man but when he and (Y/N) disappeared in an alleyway, he ran after them, pulling his gun out of his holster as he did so.

He rounded into the alleyway, gun drawn and ready to shoot but froze at the scene he ran into. The man who had been following (Y/N) was unconscious on the floor and (Y/N) was crouched over him, brick in hand ready to throw.

Tommy let his arm drop to his side, “What the fuck is going on?”

(Y/N) who sighed in relief at the sight of him, threw the brick to the side and continued to search through his pockets like she was doing before Tommy interrupted.

“You have a place where we can drag him, yes?” (Y/N) asked as he pulled out a gun from one of his pockets

“(Y/N)! What the fuck is happening?”

“Yes or no, Thomas!” (Y/N) snapped, “I will tell you but only if you fucking help me”

Tommy tucked his gun back in his holster before he made his way over to the man and hooked his arms underneath his armpits and began dragging him towards one of the many empty buildings in Small Heath.

“Follow me”

(Y/N) quickly snatched up her purse and followed after him but she was constantly checking over her shoulder to see if anyone was following them but once they arrived at the building, most of the tension dropped out of her shoulders.

Once Tommy dropped the man in the middle of the room he turned on his heel and pointed a finger at her, “Right, tell me what the fuck is happening.”

(Y/N) tugged off her scarf and went over to the man and began tying his ankles together,

“You know I haven’t told you anything about my past” (Y/N) grunted as she pulled the knots tight, “Give me your tie”

“You’ve told me a little,” Tommy said as he tugged off his tie before he gave it to her.

As (Y/N) began tying his wrists together, she began to tell Tommy about her life.

“What I told about how gangs run the country wasn’t a lie. Life there is hell for the common people, death is better than living there. But…”

“You left out something…”

(Y/N) sighed as she turned to Tommy, “My family is the biggest criminal organisation in the country. They have politicians and royalty in their pockets. Honestly? It makes your little gang here seem like a joke in comparison”

“...So you ran away from home?”

(Y/N) glared at him, “It was not that simple.”

“Then explain it to me then”

(Y/N) made her way over to him and took a seat on the floor, “I couldn’t get anyone to help me because if we got caught they’d be killed and I couldn’t have that on my conscience. Also, they’re a liability. I had to steal some money and other items from my family so that I could sell them and I had only planned as far as getting out of my country. Everything after that was a spur of the moment decision.”

“Your life was good, why run?”

“It wasn’t ‘good’, it was easy. Besides I was the only daughter and my father would sell me to the highest bidder or to whoever he had been beefing with as a gift”

“Your brothers have no issue with that?”

“They’re men, so they’re more valuable” (Y/N) rolled her eyes and put quotation marks around the word valuable, “They’re all just like my father.”

“Your mother”

“A weak woman. Sold to my dad like how my dad would sell me off. Are you going to ask me about my uncles next?”

This time Tommy rolled his eyes but he took a seat next to her, “So, who is this man?”

“No clue” (Y/N) shrugged, “I’m guessing one of my father’s men or you know, one of the men of my father’s men”

“What do you plan on doing with him?” Tommy asked as he pulled out a couple of cigarettes and lit them, giving on to (Y/N), which she gratefully accepted.

“It depends on what information he knows and what he has shared, but I’ll probably have to kill him”

“Have you ever killed someone before?”

“Nope” (Y/N) sent Tommy a grin, “But you have”

.•° ✿ °•.

The man awoke with a sputtered cough before squirmed on the floor, trying to get up until he realised he had been tied up. He rolled on to his back and craned his head so that he was looking at Tommy and (Y/N)

“Release me!”

(Y/N) stood up and crushed her cigarette underneath her shoe before walking over to the man and stood over him.

“I have questions first”

“Fuck you!” The man cursed the language of (Y/N)’s home country.

“Ah!” (Y/N) grinned, “You speak the language, so I’m guessing my father sent you”

“I’m not the only one he sent” The man spat, “There’s about a hundred in England looking for you. Hundred in America and Australia too. No matter where you go, we’ll find you”

“Of course. I know that but I’m not particularly concerned about that, I’m more curious about you.”

“Me?”

(Y/N) nods, “You.”

Tommy watched the interaction with interest. He had no clue what they were saying but he assumed that (Y/N) was pressing the man for information and truthfully speaking, he found it kind of hot.

“It was my father who sent you, correct?”

The man nodded, “Whoever finds you and brings you back gets a seat on his council and your hand in marriage”

(Y/N) scoffed and rolled her eyes and then turned to Tommy, “My father is offering a seat on his council and my hand in marriage to whoever finds me and brings me to him. Interested?”

Tommy snorted, “Does the marriage come with a nice house in your country?”

“Hmm, I’d have to ask”

“Does the marriage come with a nice house?”

This time the man actually spat at her causing her to flinch back and wiped her face with her sleeve with a grimace.

“Okay, enough joking around. How did you find me?”

“London! A bunch of us were stationed there but I’m the only one who spotted you” The man had switched to English.

“Did you tell anyone that you were coming here to get me?”

“No. If I did, I would already be dead.” The man shook his head, “You don’t get a joint prize if you join up with someone.”

“So no one knows you’re here?”

“No”

“...Good”

(Y/N) turned away from the man and walked back to Tommy, “I need a favour”

Tommy raised a knowing brow, “What do I get in return?”

“My undying gratitude?”

“Okay,” Tommy nods, “What’s your plan?”

“Luckily, he hasn’t told anyone about Small Heath but if we let him go, he could tell anyone.”

“So we kill him.”

“...We do”

The man started to scream in protest at their words, moving about erratically, trying his hardest to escape from his restraints.

“Shut up!” (Y/N) shouted at the man

“I’ll get Uncle Charlie to sail down to London and dump his body there, we don't need any unnecessary attention.”

“Your Uncle Charlie would be okay with that?” (Y/N) found that hard to believe.

“No, but he’ll do it anyway.”

“So,” (Y/N) sighed, “How do we get him you wherever your Uncle Charlie is?”

“Knock him out I suppose”

“...I left my brick in the alleyway”

That caused Tommy to snigger. Their current situation wasn’t a laughable one but somehow (Y/N) had managed to make him laugh. He pushed himself up to his feet and pulled his gun out from his holster and made his way over to the frantic man.

He climbed on to the man, legs on either side of his body and then gripped the gun by its barrel before he raised his hand up and struck down with strength, hitting the man with the butt of his gun and rendering him unconscious.

The man became limp and Tommy climbed off and tucked his gun away, “That should do it”

“Alright”

Tommy hooked his arms underneath the man’s like before and started to drag him out of the building with (Y/N) leading the way to Charlie’s yard. Once they arrived, Tommy dragged the man to the edge of the dock.

“Charlie!” Tommy shouted into the night, “Uncle Charlie!”

Moments later an older man hobbled out into the yard, “Jesus Christ, Tom. The sun hasn’t even fully risen yet”

Realising how much time had passed, (Y/N) looked up at the sky and saw the sun just starting to rise and suddenly, all at once, a wave of tiredness waved over her and she was exhausted.

“I need a favour”

“What now?” Charlie grumbled

“I need him dumped in London.” Tommy kicked at the man at his feet

Charlie looked down at the body with what could almost be described as negative interest, “He’s dead then is he?”

“Just knocked out.”

“I’m not going to kill him” Charlie protested, “It’ll take four days to get London anyhow and I won’t have a dead rotting body as I go down”

Tommy was silent as he thought about what to do,

“I’ll go down but I’ll take Curly.”

Charlie nodded, “Alright, I’ll go get him.”

When he left, (Y/N) tugged Tommy to the side and placed her hands on his chest, looking up at him, “You don’t have to do this you know? This is too much for me to ask”

“Hey” Tommy took her chin in his fingers, “Don’t worry, I want to do this.”

“...Thank you” (Y/N) gripped his coat, “Come back to me”

Tommy pressed a soft kiss to her lips, “I will”

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) was on edge for the rest of the week, constantly looking over her shoulder for any suspicious men along with walking around Tommy’s office and Watery Lane for any sight of the man but she didn’t see the man until just over a week since the last time she saw him.

It was late at night when she heard a knock on the door and she scrambled to open it, knowing that it could only possibly be Tommy.

When she opened the door, she threw herself into his arms, arms tight around his neck, “You’re okay”

“Did you think I died?”

“Something like that, now come in”

As Tommy settled himself on her couch, (Y/N) makes them with a drink before she joined him,

“How did everything go?”

“Quick, easy, no need for concern”

“H-How did you do it?”

“Stuffed him full of alcohol and then pushed him overboard” Tommy filled her in

“Smart, if they find him then they’ll just assume he drunk too much and accidentally fell off a bridge or something”

“...Are you safe now?”

(Y/N) gave him a small smile, “For now. They’ll realise he’s been missing or dead soon enough and there still will be a group of people after me but for now, I am safe.”

Tommy’s hand slipped into hers, “I’ll protect you”

“You don’t need to”

“I want to”

.•° ✿ °•.

Months passed without any sort of drama from her end though the same could not be said for Tommy. He had been getting involved in all sorts of business and trouble, something that his Aunt Polly deeply disapproved with but Tommy did what Tommy did, which was whatever he wanted.

That morning, Tommy had gone to the funeral of his brother-in-law along with the rest of his family, leaving (Y/N) alone in Small Heath for the day. Tasked with setting up the pub that morning, (Y/N) made her way to the pub but the sight of two women in black pushing baby prams had stopped her in her steps and she watched as they left them by the doors before running away.

Concerned, she made her way towards the prams but before she could get too close, she was thrown back by the blast of the explosion. Her body hit the cobblestone street with a harsh whack, leaving her dazed.

Once the ringing in her ears had faded and she could open her eyes without immediately wanting to throw up, (Y/N) pushed herself up so that she was sitting up straight and watched as the Garrison burned and tears of heartbreak mixed with her tears of pain.

Soon the streets were filled with policemen and firefighters as they worked together to put out the fire and clear up the area and she watched them as she held a handkerchief that Moss gave her, to the cut on her cheek. Her heart hurt as she looked at what remained of the Garrison, the pub had meant a lot to her and seeing it being reduced to nothing stung, (Y/N) returned back to her flat, unable to take anymore.

Not long after, two cars pulled up the Garrison and the Shelby’s spilt out, Tommy and Polly leading them.

“It happened at, uh, exactly 7 a.m. Only one person saw anything. Our patrols were not in the area.” Moss informed them.

“Who saw it?” Polly asked as she looked at the building.

Moss looked at his notepad, “One of the barmaids, (Y/N). She was also caught up in the blast”

Tommy spun on his heel at the mention of (Y/N)’s name and stalked over to Moss, “What happened to her?”

Moss looked over his shoulder, “She was over there but I guess she must have gone home”

Tommy strode away from the Garrison, ignoring the shouts from Polly as he made his way towards (Y/N)’s flat. He knocked on her door before he walked in, knowing that she rarely locks it during the day.

He found her wrapped in her blankets on her bed, staring mindlessly through her window. Tommy sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her leg,

“You alright?”

(Y/N) let out a wet laugh, “Not really”

“Moss said you got hurt”

“Hmm, the blast flung me back but I’ll be fine. My body will ache and I’ll have a killer headache for a few days but I’ll be fine”

“Look at me”

(Y/N) turned to face him, slightly crawling out of her blanket cocoon and Tommy took her face in his hands, his thumb tracing just underneath her cut.

“What happened?”

“There were two women, in black and they were pushing prams and just left them by the door. I went over but they exploded before I could get too close”

“Did your upbringing not teach you to not go looking at things that are suspicious?” Tommy chided

“I thought there were actual kids in the prams and they had been abandoned”

Tommy didn’t say anything but a look of understanding overcame his face, “I guess that makes sense”

“Not one thing made sense about this place since I arrived. Not one”

“I’ll give you that” Tommy agreed with her

“What’s your plan with the Garrison then?”

“Fix it up.” Tommy sighed as he stood up, knowing that he couldn’t stay with her for any longer “I’ll give you some money until you’re able to get back to work”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “Thank you. You going?”

Tommy nodded at her, “Got business.”

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before he left and it wasn’t until he was halfway to his location, did he realise that he’s never done something like that before.

.•° ✿ °•.

The reopening night of the Garrison was a big one and when stepped through the doors, she noted the stark differences with a frown tugging at her lips. The walls were gold and the curtains were red, the chandeliers were grand but it wasn’t the Garrison.

She gave pleasant smiles to those she came across as she made her way towards the back of the bar, the place where she felt the most comfortable. Arthur was also there and she could tell he was on something due to his erratic behaviour but she didn’t mention it to him, only giving him a wave as she wrapped the apron around her waist.

She was quickly swept up with taking orders and making drinks that she didn’t realise that Tommy had reached her until he placed his hand on her hip,

“What do you think aye?” He tried to speak over the loud music

(Y/N) stepped to the side to somewhere slightly quieter and pulled Tommy with her, “It’s certainly something”

Tommy frowned at her, “You don’t like it?”

(Y/N) sighed before she dragged Tommy to a room at the back so they could have complete privacy, “I don’t hate it and obviously I’m very happy to be back at work but the Garrison looks like it belongs in London rather than Small Heath”

“We’re moving up”

“You are but not everyone else in Small Heath is. Obviously, it’s too late to do anything about it now but in the future, remember you’re in Small Heath and not in London.”

Tommy moved so that there were only mere centimetres between them, “Sometimes, I forget who’s the one who grew up here and who’s the one who arrived a year ago between us”

(Y/N) grinned at him, “What can I say, the town of Small Heath is special to me”

“Want to get out of here?” Tommy asked with a raised brow

“I’m sure Arthur can handle the bar by himself” (Y/N) said as she reached for his hand, allowing him to pull her out of the pub.

.•° ✿ °•.

It wasn’t until a month after the reopening of the pub did (Y/N) realise what her fooling around with Tommy had resulted in. After she had connected the dots herself, she had made her way to Watery Lane to find the person who could confirm it for her along with giving her some solid advice.

She made her way into the house of Watery Lane first rather than entering the betting den, hoping that Polly was there instead of her office.

Tommy had told her about the betting den and his illegal business not long after the incident with the man who had followed her and she did not judge, as it would be hypocritical if she did but she understood the reasoning behind what he did for a living but she still hadn’t visited the actual den itself.

Luckily for her, Polly was in the kitchen of the house and (Y/N) slipped into the seat opposite her,

“I need your...expertise”

Polly put down her cup of tea and looked her up and down before she reached out and placed her hand on (Y/N)’s stomach before moving up to her breast, “You’re pregnant, I’d say two, maybe three months”

(Y/N) sunk back in her chair and released a huff, she didn’t know what to do.

“I’m guessing it’s Tommy's,” Polly said as she made them both a cup of tea.

“Who else's would it be?” (Y/N) scoffed.

“Do you want to keep it?” Polly asks as she sets down the two teacups on the table.

“Hmm, I think I do but I’ll have to talk to Tommy. If he doesn’t want anything to do with it, I’ll guess I’ll have to leave Small Heath,”

“Listen, I don’t know the in’s and out’s of whatever you have going on between you two but I do know my nephew. He cares about you deeply and he’s not the type of man to abandon his child.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“Last I heard, Charlie’s Yard”

(Y/N) stands up with a nod, “Alright, thank you”

As she made her way to Charlie’s Yard, (Y/N) thought of how she could tell Tommy the news. There was no point dragging it out and Tommy was someone who liked to get straight to the information but she was nervous either way.

She pushed open the gates and made her way to where Charlie and Curly were, “Hello Charlie, Curly.”

Curly stuttered out a greeting and Charlie nodded at her.

“Is Tommy around? I’d heard he was here”

“You just missed him, he went to the Garrison” Charlie informed her.

(Y/N) nodded in thanks and quickly scurried away before she could hear the second sentence.

“But he’s with a woman…” Charlie finished as he watched (Y/N) run away.

(Y/N) hurried to the Garrison, annoyed that she had to run around Small Heath just to find one man and it didn’t help that the news she was carrying was heavy. Finally arriving, she called out his name as she pushed open the door,

“Tommy?! You better be here otherwise-oh” (Y/N) paused at the sight of Tommy with a woman at the bar.

“I thought you weren’t working today?”

“I’m not, I wanted to speak to you and was told I’d find you here but you’re obviously busy, so I’ll leave you alone”

Tommy nodded in understanding and just as (Y/N) was turning to leave the other woman stood forward and offered her hand,

“I’m May. May Carleton.”

(Y/N) glanced over to Tommy, taken off guard but he continued drinking his drink so (Y/N) shook May’s hand, “(Y/N). Nice to meet you”

“Just (Y/N)? No last name?”

“I don’t have one.” (Y/N) gave May one last polite smile before she left.

May stared after her for a few more moments before she turned to Tommy, “She’s not serious right? What is her last name?”

Tommy gave may a shrug, “If she has one, she hasn’t told me”

.•° ✿ °•.

“Right, what’s wrong?” Tommy asked as he stepped into her flat later that evening.

“Uhm okay, I’m just going to get it right out”

Tommy watched as she paced in front of him, whatever she had to tell him was clearly weighing heavily on her mind and he didn’t push her over getting it over and done with.

“Tommy,...I’m pregnant”

Tommy stared at her in shock. Out of all the things he guessed she would tell him, that wasn’t one of them.

“I know this isn’t what we planned or anything and I’ll completely understand if you don’t want anything to do with it but I want to keep it” (Y/N) rushed out in one breath.

“(Y/N), I don’t want you to get rid of it and I want to be involved” Tommy pulled (Y/N) into his embrace, “We’ll raise this child together. You and me.”

(Y/N) looked up at him with tears in her eyes, “Really?”

“Really. We’ll do it.”

(Y/N) wrapped her arms around Tommy tighters and cried into his shoulder and he let her, rubbing his hand up and down her back in hopes it comforted her.

“I was so scared”

“I know. It’s okay.”

They were wrapped up in each other’s embrace for a while before Tommy moved them over to the couch,

“Have you been to the doctor?” Tommy asked

“I went to Polly. Practically the same thing”

Tommy agreed, there were moments where he trusted Polly’s opinion and help over a doctors.

“What did she say?”

“Two months, maybe three”

“I know you went to Polly but I want you to go to the doctor, just to make sure”

(Y/N) nods in agreement, “I will.”

.•° ✿ °•.

One day, almost two months after (Y/N) found out she was pregnant, Tommy picked her up from her flat and took her for a drive. He wouldn’t tell her where they were going but he reassured her that she would like it.

Recently, they were at odds with each other with Tommy wanting (Y/N) to stop working entirely and (Y/N) being totally against it, so she assumed that perhaps he was trying to butter her up.

“You’re not trying to do something so that I’ll forgive you?” (Y/N) asked him.

“No, you can still be as mad as you want, I’m not going to stop you.”

“So the surprise had nothing to do with it?”

“Nope,” Tommy said as he pulled a tie out of his pocket and gave it to her, “Wrap it around your eyes”

(Y/N) did so without arguing and a minute later they pulled up to a stop and Tommy went over to the passenger side of the car to help her out. He kept his grip on her arm as he leads her forward before they stopped.

“You ready?”

(Y/N) nodded, “Yes”

“You can take off the tie”

(Y/N) gasped at what she stood in front of. It was a house, though that was being generous, it was massive and as (Y/N) looked around her in shock, she also realised that they were surrounded by copious amounts of land.

“What’s this?”

“This” Tommy walked towards her, “Is our house”

“Ours? All of it?”

Tommy grinned at her, “All it and all of this land as well. There’s also a stable round back”

“You had to make it worth your while as well, huh?” (Y/N) teased him

“Want to look inside?”

“Can we?”

Tommy offered his arm and (Y/N) took it and allowed him to lead her inside.

The interior was just as grand as the exterior and (Y/N) had fallen love with the place, it was perfect for them, yet also brought back some memories.

“You know, this reminds me of my house back home. It was bigger since it had to satisfy my father’s ego but it never felt like home, not like the way my flat does.”

“This will be different, this will be a home where our child will grow up and they won’t grow up as we did”

(Y/N) nodded reassured.

“I know you want to work for as long as you can and I know I can’t stop you but when you’re ready you can move in here”

(Y/N) was grateful that Tommy gave her space and he understood her because she knew she would go crazy just staying at the house and doing nothing whilst she was still pregnant. When the baby arrived, it would be a different story.

.•° ✿ °•.

When (Y/N) could no longer bend down to collect glasses due to her bump, she knew she had to throw in the towel and stop working. Harry had her working on the books for the most part while she occasionally did bar work but she had reached her limit with her feet swollen and her back constantly aching.

Truthfully the reason why she was having such a difficult time leaving her job was that she did not know when she would be able to return. She enjoyed working at the Garrison and interacting with the locals but once she had the child she would have to put that on pause as she raised her child. She could have a nanny but that was how she was raised and she did not like that.

She made her into Tommy’s office, pausing by Lizzie’s desk to see if he was free before entering. He didn’t look up from his papers when she entered but he did give her a greeting which she returned as she took a seat.

“I’ve decided to hang up my apron” She announces to him.

This makes Tommy look up, “Yeah?”

“I can’t reach the glasses, my ankles are swollen and I have a constant need to go toilet” (Y/N) complained, “If I knew how terrorising pregnancy would be, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant”

“Want me to call you a driver?”

“Please, I need a nap” Their bed was calling to (Y/N)

Tommy reached for the phone on his desk and called for a driver for her and as (Y/N) watched him, she realised how domesticated it was. Though in many ways, they were too, they lived together, shared a bed and (Y/N) was pregnant with their child but they weren’t in any sort of official relationship of any kind. She would have thought that Tommy would have suggested that they got married for the sake of the child but he hadn’t even brought it up.

She had thought about talking to him about it but her fears quickly overtook her whenever she built up the courage and though it frustrated her, she had more important things to worry about.

.•° ✿ °•.

Childbirth was an experience unlike any other and (Y/N) had to wonder how her mother did it five times but at the end when she held her daughter in her arms, she had never felt happier. It was, in fact, the best day of her life.

Tommy was sitting next to her on the bed, a similar smile on his face. He had never thought that he would become a parent but now that he was one, he found that all of his love was directly for one tiny human and their mother and he had something to live for. He wasn’t afraid of death but now he wouldn’t go throwing himself into situations where he could die and leave his family behind.

“What should we name her?” He asked

“I like the name Isla.”

“Isla Mary Shelby”

(Y/N) looked up at him, “Is Mary your mother’s name?”

Tommy nodded and (Y/N) smiled at him,

“I like that, it suits her. Isla Mary Shelby”

.•° ✿ °•.

Life with a newborn was hard and even though they had nannies on hand to help out, (Y/N) still had reservations on relying on them but slowly she was working towards something that worked for her.

The rest of the Shelby family were just as enamoured with Isla as her parents were and so Polly and Ada were regular visitors. (Y/N) in particular was very grateful for Polly’s presence, the woman always had the best advice and the woman would practically be the closest thing to a grandparent Isla would have.

As (Y/N) unlearned the behaviours of her own parents, so did Tommy. They did not want to become their parents and it took a lot of reassurance and from each other to make sure that they were doing the right thing, they weren't perfect but there was no such thing.

One day, when Isla was a few months old, Tommy brought up the elephant in the room; their marriage or much rather, their lack of one. They were outside, enjoying the warm weath of the summer, watching the horses in the field when he spoke up.

“One day, we’ll get married” He spoke out of the blue, linking their fingers together, “I’m not just saying that so that Isla is safe incase anything happens to me but I do love you and I do want to get married to you”

(Y/N) squeezed his hand, “Is this you proposing to me?”

“Yeah, it is”

Tommy pulled a ring box from out of his pocket and opened it and in there rested a gorgeous ring. He plucked the ring out of the box and held it out to her,

“(Y/N), will you marry me?”

(Y/N)’s lips pulled into a bright smile as she nodded, “Of course, I will.”

Tommy slipped the ring on her finger and pulled her into a kiss. (Y/N) gushed over the ring as she pulled Tommy into hug,

“I know our relationship is unconventional but I know we’re meant for each other”

“We’re good to each other,” Tommy agreed.

“I want to do it when she’s older though, so she can be the flower girl” (Y/N) says as she runs her fingers over Isla’s head, smiling at the little girl’s coos.

“A year or two then”

(Y/N) nods before she brings him into another kiss.

“What is your last name?” Tommy asks

“Does it matter? I am to be a Shelby” (Y/N) replied as she admired her ring.

“I suppose it doesn’t”

.•° ✿ °•.

Just as promised, two years later, Tommy and (Y/N) were getting married. The wedding ceremony would be taking place in a nearby church whilst the reception would be held at their house.

(Y/N) slipped her wedding dress on with the help of Polly whilst, Ada touched up her makeup.

“Nervous?” Polly asked as she did the buttons of the back of her dress

“No” (Y/N) said as she watched her daughter through the mirror, “It’s been a long time coming.”

Polly patted her shoulders, “You’re good to go.”

(Y/N) gave her one last smile before she made her way over to her daughter.

“Hi princess, you ready?” (Y/N) asked

Isla was already dressed as she sat on the floor, playing her dolls, with a cute hair clip that matched her dress.

“We see daddy?”

“Uh-huh” (Y/N) nodded, smiling when Isla jumped up and took her hand.

As she had no family to walk her down the aisle, John had stepped up and offered his arm, which she gratefully took. Isla toddled down first, throwing handfuls of petals out of her little basket down to the floor before she hurried over to wrap her arms around her father’s legs giving him a quick hug before Polly scooped her up.

Then, (Y/N) and John walked down and (Y/N) could not keep her eyes off of Tommy. He had a straight face but that did not fool her in any way, she knew he wanted the wedding as much as she did.

The ceremony sped by and before she knew it, (Y/N) was walking back down the aisle but this time her arm was in Tommy’s and their friends and family were cheering and throwing petals at them as they left the church.

They stopped at the steps as they waited for the rest of their family to join them and they took the moment to have half a second of alone time.

“I told you we should have gotten married just by ourselves with an officiant.” Tommy muttered underneath his breath.

“I don’t plan on having another wedding, do you? I want this to be a day I remember for the rest of my life” (Y/N) responded, “Now, please don’t frown, you’re worse than Isla.”

Tommy rolled his eyes at the reminder that his daughter took after him in many ways but relaxed his face as the rest of their family joined them and took their places for the picture.

.•° ✿ °•.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know they would do this”

(Y/N) jumped when Tommy suddenly stormed into the room she was in, a newspaper clenched in his hands.

“Huh? What are you on about?”

Tommy gave her the newspaper before he began to angrily pace in front of her. (Y/N) looked down at the newspaper and her stomach dropped at the headline and the picture from their wedding day below it;

‘Thomas Shelby OBE MP marries wife in small wedding in Warwickshire’

“What the fuck…”

“They must have snuck in with the other photographer” Tommy theorised, “It’s a national paper”

“Oh Tommy,” (Y/N) sighed, “Is this today’s paper?”

Tommy shook his head, “Yesterday’s”

“Then it is too late” (Y/N) whimpered, “They know where I am and they’ll be here to get me”

“It’s been what, three, four years since you ran away, would they still care?”

“It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, they won’t stop until I’m back or dead. I defied them and they’ll never forgive me”

Tommy dropped to his knees in front of her, “They won’t I promise you that.”

“If this is yesterday's paper then they could be here already. It’s too late.”

“I have men here, we can take him”

(Y/N) shook her head in denial, “Not if they get my father or brothers”

“They’ll take a couple of weeks for them to get there, we can plan in that time.”

“No, Tommy” (Y/N) sounded defeated, “No offence, but your Peaky Boys have nothing on my fathers men and we’re isolated out here”

“Have you given up?” Tommy was in disbelief, “Have you given up on living? Given up on your daughter who sleeps upstairs?! That’s not who you are!”

“You don’t know them! They will kill all of us except me if we try to fight back and they will torture me with that fact. If I go to them without a fight, then you can live!”

“No. I refuse.”

“You refuse?” (Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh

“We go on the run. Escape to America until it’s all blown over”

“They’ll find us there and it’ll repeat until they get me”

Tommy released a frustrated sigh as he paced to the other side of the room and pour himself a large class of whiskey,

“I refuse to simply allow you to give yourself up to them. Isla needs her mother and I need my wife. You said you didn’t want to be the type of parents yours were but what you have planned, is simply no better.”

“Then what do you suggest?” (Y/N)’s voice was quiet but there was an edge to it.

“We go back to Small Heath, we gather our men and we plan.”

(Y/N) took a deep breath and nodded, “We do not give up”

Tommy pulled her into a hug, “We do not”

.•° ✿ °•.

They had temporarily moved back to Small Heath and Tommy and gathered all of the family but as (Y/N) refused to let anyone get too involved or close, the brunt of the plan laid on her shoulders.

It had almost been a month and nothing had happened which meant that her family was coming or she had managed to get away with it but they were still on edge and weren’t willing to put their guards down. Tommy had Moss keep an eye out along with Alfie Solomons sending information about what was happening in London. According to him, (Y/N)’s father’s men had paid for spies across the city and that they knew they were in Birmingham.

Their intuition was right when one day they had received a call from Moss about two cars heading into Small Heath and (Y/N) knew her family had finally arrived. Not wanting to bring the confrontation to the streets of Small Heath, Tommy and (Y/N) drove to the edge and met them there but they weren’t completely alone, Tommy had gun men placed around the area which gave them a little advantage but there was no knowing what her family had planned.

If things went south and neither (Y/N) or Tommy survived then Ada was instructed to escape to America with Karl and Isla and (Y/N) could only hope that wouldn’t happen.

They stood in silence as they waited for the family to arrive but when (Y/N) spotted them, she pulled Tommy into a kiss and hug,

“I love you, never forget that.” She whispers to him.

“I won’t”

They pulled apart when the cars pulled to a stop and turned to face the men who stepped out.

An older man stepped out first, before four younger men climbed out after him. (Y/N) could not help herself as she ran her eyes over her family, looking at what had changed since she last saw them.

“Father. Brothers” She greeted as they stood to a stop opposite her and Tommy.

The youngest brother, the one closest in age to her tipped his head in greeting whilst everyone else glared at her.

“Daughter. I see you decided to make the correct decision and give yourself up.”

(Y/N) snorted and shook her head, “I have not. I will not”

“Do not be foolish sister,” Her eldest brother takes a step forward, “Don’t you realise how worried we’ve been? We’ve been searching for you for year, only to find out you’ve been here in this...shithole”

Her brother looked around in disgust as he finished his sentence.

“Drop the act. I’m not here to play games.” (Y/N) was tired already, “I’m not leaving with you, so what’s your plan?”

“You don’t have a choice. I set up a marriage between you and my closest man, you know he has spent all these years travelling across the globe looking for you? He deserves a reward”

(Y/N) pulled a face at her fathers words, “First of all, I am not a reward, I am a human being. Second, he must have not been looking very hard considering I ended up being ousted by a newspaper and thirdly, I’m already married and I don’t plan on getting married again”

Her second eldest brother snarled at her, “You’ve grown a backbone sister. We’ll have to beat it out of you”

This caused Tommy to finally step forward and cleared his throat, “I can’t let you to do that”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m her husband” Tommy gestured towards (Y/N) and she could see that he enjoyed it.

“Enough!” (Y/N)’s father stepped forward, “No more arguing, I’ll give you one last chance or we’ll take you by force”

(Y/N)’s shoulders slumped, “Why don’t you leave me alone? Go back and just forget about me”

“No one will take us seriously, if we don’t make an example out of you, then we’ll be seen as a joke.”

“I won't go and you cannot force me to and I’d much rather die than go anywhere with you”

Her father pulled out his gun and her brothers quickly followed which caused Tommy to do the same and the air was thick with tension.

“No, no, no if she wants to die then I’ll be the one to kill her.” Her father waved at her brothers and they put their guns away.

(Y/N) looked at Tommy and gave him a nod, and Tommy nodded back knowing the meaning behind the look and he put his gun away too. (Y/N) made her way to her father and when she was close enough, he reached out and pulled her towards him and jabbed his gun underneath her jaw.

“This is the end, daughter, you brought this upon yourself” Her father growled

“This is the end, but not for me”

(Y/N) pulled the gun she had been hiding in her waistband of her trousers and pressed it against her father’s chest. She didn’t even give him a moment to realise what was happening before she pulled the trigger, shooting her father in the chest.

He staggered back in shock before (Y/N) pushed him and causing him to fall backwards, landing on the floor with a thump,

“Fuck you!” (Y/N) spat in her native language.

One of her brothers came running at her and she pointed the gun at him, stopping him in her tracks, “I’ll kill you too, don’t fucking try me”

“Go back to your home and never return.” Tommy stepped forward.

(Y/N)’s brothers looked between each other before (Y/N) spoke again, “Leave. Take his body and go back. Never come back here or try to find me.”

Her eldest brother motioned for the youngest two to take the body of their father while he cursed at her,

“We’ll never forgive you and you’ll pay for your crimes in the afterworld”

“I’ll meet you there and we can pay for our crimes together”

Her brother growled her one last time before he got into the car and sped off. Once (Y/N) could no longer see them, she turned and collapsed into Tommy’s arms, a massive weight finally lifted off of her.

“You did it!” Tommy pulled away and smiled at her, “You did it, you wonderful woman”

(Y/N) let out a soft, “I did, didn’t I?”

Tommy took her gun and whistled, signalling for the men stationed around they could come down before he began to lead her towards the car,

“Want a drink?”

“Several but before that I want to see my daughter, go back to Arrow House and take a hot bath”

“Whatever you want”

.•° ✿ °•.

The shouts of children filled the gardens of Arrow House along with the chattering of adults and (Y/N) felt the last of the weight of her shoulders disappear. She had always been worried that her family would find her but now that they were truly gone, she could live without worry.

It was Isla’s third birthday and her and Tommy had decided to throw a party to celebrate it. Her and a group of local children were running around whilst the parents and other adults were sitting around enjoying the warm summer air and cool drinks.

Tommy crept up behind (Y/N) and wrapped one of his arms around her waist and gave her a kiss on her cheek, “You okay?”

(Y/N) gave him a smile and a nod, “I’m great”

“Mama!” Isla came running up to her, arms raised, “Up pwease!”

(Y/N) did as she was asked and lifted her daughter up, “What’s up princess?”

“Cake?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. What do you think, dad?” (Y/N) turned to Tommy with a smile

Isla turned to her father and put on her biggest puppy dog eyes, “Pwease dada!”

Tommy put on a show as if he was seriously debating on what to do, “Only if I get a hug from the birthday girl”

(Y/N) almost dropped Isla from how sudden she tried to get out of her arms and into her fathers but she helped her climb over and watched as she gave Tommy a tight hug with an added kiss on the cheek.

“Cake now?”

“Alright, go get your friends and we’ll go get the cake?” Tommy put her down and watched as she ran off to her friends.

“She’s growing up too fast” (Y/N) pouted as they walked inside, “In no time she’ll be spending most of her time at school”

“If she’s anything like her mother, she’ll be fine” Tommy assured her.

(Y/N) sighed, “I know, but I’m still going to be sad. Now let’s get going otherwise our princess will come storming in here demanding to know what’s taking so long”

Tommy pulled (Y/N) to a stop just before they entered the kitchen and cupped her face, “I love you”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “I love you too”

#call an ambulance but not for me vibes in 'that' scene lmao #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x reader #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder imagines #tommy shelby imagines #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #Tommy Shelby #imagines #x reader #thomas shelby

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