#and whats this about false memories

[dargonpoop]

how is mikayuu the most canon a noncanon ship has ever been help me understand

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows

but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there

(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in

& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)

"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"

but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.

and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.

(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)

and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know

i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4

However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.

which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!

all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself

(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)

[novelconcepts]

the truly problematic thing about having insanely vivid dreams just about every night--and i mean the kind of vivid where you remember details days or even weeks later, like it's just another normal-ass memory--is that you wind up losing track on an emotional level of what's real. like. i know that was a dream. obviously it was a dream. but some part of my brain misses it like it really happened. i am painfully, achingly nostalgic for people i've never met, places i've never been, shit that literally could not ever happen--but i feel as though i remember. which is just the most unhinged thing, right? like, i remember going on a run that took me over a fence into Disneyland, and i remember having to take a shortcut through a Chinese restaurant, but it was fine, because Erika Ishii was there, and they'd done this before, so no worries. right? no! obviously not! why do i remember this with such visceral clarity three weeks later?

oh, what's your favorite episode of this TV show? the one i dreamt. yeah, don't worry about it, it didn't make coherent sense, but it was in the feelings, right? my ship had the best fucking scene. no, of course i can't explain it to you, that's madness. it involved a rocking chair. don't worry about it. it's fine. it's super important i don't accidentally reference this in a fic someday, though.

this shit is deranged, dude. missing people who are quite literally my own brain's invention with an actor's face. missing places that are a meld of a movie i saw once, my childhood bedroom, the second floor of my high school, and inter-dimensional space. like. no! no, this shouldn't be a thing! is, though. the clarity of it. just fucking bananas. this has been happening to me my whole goddamn life.

[plantwriting]

I kinda wish kian didnt just die as a result of losing all his sanity. Like i get why thats the direction charlie went but it would’ve just been really interesting to see how kian would have been after everything

[reflection-s-of-stars]

Hey. Hey what if one of the OG lyctors was Jewish pre-resurrection. Wouldn’t that be so fucked up

[aroaceleovaldez]

i genuinely think there is so much you can do with the whole concept of “we don’t really know if Leo and Piper were close friends with each other pre-Hera mind meddling.” Like, they probably knew each other for sure, but especially given how absolutely resistant Leo is to being open to Literally Anyone, and how much Leo and Piper were hiding in TLH, they actually probably weren’t super close. Because otherwise they would have told each other, logically.

Can you imagine the dynamic between the Lost Hero trio if that had been acknowledged and played into? How much Piper and Leo would have had to question all of their memories and what was tampered with? Who they actually knew? How close they actually had been with each other, and how they actually felt about Jason? Cause it’s basically never addressed besides a sliver in TLH that they had completely fabricated memories of all three of them! That would have fucked them up so much!

[kleeradragon]

There's an experience I have that I don't think I've ever seen talked about anywhere, and I'd like to go through it and see if there isn't anyone else who has experienced similar.

See, when I first discovered myself to be a dragon/otherkin/therian/nonhuman, I was of the spiritual sort because that's what felt expected. I didn't even know a psychological side to it existed until later. I got my share of memories and info about my supposed past life and whatnot as a result of this imposed expectation, and some of those memories were pretty unpleasant. Traumatic, even. But eventually I found out about the psychological side of things, and I wanted to take a more psychological approach to my nonhumanity. I didn't feel attached to that existence/past anymore, I suppose I never totally did, I took it all as it came. Cause y'know, expectations, perhaps looking for things that wouldn't otherwise be there.

Not long after that I moved away from a nonhuman identity due to community issues and a general lack of feeling for it, only to return to it a couple years later when feelings for it came back in full force. And in digging around for those feelings, I had to ponder my old kin memories that I no longer necessarily believe in. Through that I realized that they still affect me like any trauma would, even after years of not believing those memories to be real. Now, sure, one can say that coping with trauma in a not-so-great way isn't gonna make the hurt go away. I totally get that. But these memories, false or not, did not happen to me directly, even if they may feel as such. There's a degree of separation. Couple that with the amount of time it's been since I gave much thought to them… I just thought and hoped that maybe that would be enough.

Either because those false memories still affect me, or because it's just what I was so used to thinking back in the day, sometimes I still slip back into thinking of my dragon self as a past life. All of this together makes it so hard to really tell whether my draconity is psychological or spiritual, even if it is a choice of belief in the end. I prefer the psychological approach -- that's just the sort of person I am. But the expectations from the past, and their resulting feelings and potentially-false memories complete with exotrauma, make it hard to let go of the notion of having been a dragon in a past life. It feels like those things really happened because that's what the memories were unintentionally crafted to do, because that was the expectation. These things make it so complicated and blurry what exactly the nature of my nonhumanity is.

My point of saying all this is to ask: has anyone else had a similar experience? Of having past life memories they don't necessarily still believe are true but can't shake? And if anyone has figured out a way to shake them… would you be willing to share how you did so? Definitely definitely would love to hear!

[civilization-illstayrighthere]

[skecherss]

Wait what are your petty grievances with wfa

Well. They are indeed petty. My primary one being that it just feels like they're....having too much of a good time.

which isn't even so much a writing flaw as me knowing what i want out of a story; I tend to gravitate a lot towards fluff and snuggles myself but I gravitate to them as a balm for my spiritual aches. I seek comfort when I need comforting, and I want the fluff coming to the characters who ALSO need comfort. It's hard for me to empathize with characters who aren't feeling any of an ordinary day's stress that I might feel. especially when they're engaged in activities and experiences that realistically would result in MUCH higher levels of mental and emotional strain.

(also i have five siblings and it feels cruelly unrealistic for the Wayne sibs to hang out as much as they do and not fight. I'm not talking about the petty bickering. Bickering isn't the same thing as leaving a conversation with your brother and being filled with a genuine rageful desire to PUNT the little jerk)

[chirpsythismorning]

How can you still think that Henry is not El's father? Look at this parallel! No hate, just trying to understand

https://www.tumblr.com/bylertruther/715418989849870336?source=share

This is the first time I’ve seen anything more substantial than the Darth Vader/Luke parallels, so I am intrigued! It is technically Vecna saying both things, both times. We see him do this with El in s3 and then Max in s4 with This will all be over soon, so he does have a penchant for repeating things for dramatic effect. BUT the fact that it is a father/daughter dynamic in this case, is quite incriminating. 

The main thing that puts me off with this theory is that it would be quite predictable? There were a lot of fans acknowledging the Darth Vader/Luke parallels between Henry/El on Reddit when s4 first premiered. Though to be fair, even now no one really takes the theory seriously, despite it being something a lot of casual fans picked up on and still bring up for discussions on there, so at least there’s that? But still, that’s just another reason why it sort of puts me off, the idea of it being this big revelation in s5, despite it being something people easily hypothesized only to discard just as quickly, and how that would be kind of disappointing? I think it being easy to guess is also why I was convinced it was simply put there as a misdirect to block people from finding out the truth?

And yet, this is pretty interesting to me and so I am intrigued at the very least!

I am convinced Joyce is El and Will’s mother though. Like 100%. Terry is very obviously placed as a misdirect, as is Lonnie (reminder that the Duffers love misdirects/red herrings).

Technically, it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for Joyce to be their mother AND Henry to be their father, being that El/Will would have been born in 1970, when Joyce was 28 and Henry was 23? However, we’re also getting the play The First Shadow, which is set in 1959, when Joyce was 17 and Henry was 12, so I feel like it would be weird to establish them crossing paths all the way back then and again later in life, only for her to get pregnant? Regardless if it was like done in the lab or not, it would just be an odd choice, that's all I'm saying!

With that being said, IVF does exist. The first successful IVF procedure wasn’t until 1978, so 8 years after El and Will were born. But this is a TV show and so years can be off from time to time. This would also be a lab doing this, a lab that is known for not reporting dangerous procedures performed on unsuspecting subjects, so I wouldn't go as far as to say it's completely out of the realm of possibility.

I also do think that Henry is heavily queer-coded, so it’s likely we could get a backstory for him in s5 that sort of delves into that part of his life, and how his perceived queerness might have been what got him involved with doctors prior to Hawkins Lab. This was alluded to, with him saying he’d been poked and prodded for years, with the language surrounding it being directly tied to his queer-coding.

What this does remind me of though is Aliens (1986), which Paul Reiser aka Dr. Owens also starred in. His character Burke comes off one of the good guys early on, with him even making the classic, I’m one of the good guys jokes (same as Owens does in s2), only to end the film being the one who had been directly working against them, from the very beginning. According to the original script, he even refers to our lead character as 'kiddo' A LOT, which Owens also does throughout the series with Will in s2 and El in s4. In the film, it’s alluded to that his character signed a document setting all of this in motion, dated 6/12/79, which… fucking interesting considering what revelations we could still have in store for in regards to the lab's true origins in s5.

And so, could the lab have impregnated Joyce via IVF with Henry's sperm? Arguably, it's possible!

Maybe Henry and Joyce didn’t interact in the 70’s, but perhaps after being away from the lab for a short time, Henry was for the first time in his life in an okay place, maybe he even experienced his first love, only to lose him, with the lab perhaps taking advantage of his vulnerability, roping him back into a permanent life there? And then maybe, a few years pass, and with him being unaware, they used his DNA to impregnate Joyce? 

This could then follow the whole one kid is in the experiment group (El) and one kid is in the control group (Will) theory?

This would also perhaps fit into the Brenner being tasked with focusing on the experiment group (El) and Owens being tasked with focusing on the control group (Will).

This does remind me a lot of a couple scenes in particular...

4x05: The Nina Project

This sequence above is almost a direct parallel to El's series long recurring flashback of Terry (2x07: The Lost Sister):

El calling Terry her home, warranted a correction, because no, Terry is not El's Mama, nor her home.

And thereby repeating that scene in a sense, with Brenner saying You're home now. You're home, this time with no follow up to correct it? And with a shot that looks very freaking in terms of what the blocking could possibly signify?

Could this mean that El's home is the lab then? She was born (conceived) in the lab, which is why that is more the truth than the assumption that Terry is her mother? (El also gives off Will vibes in some of these close-ups above, where you cant see her hair length. Instead what we get is the notable Byers bob, which is interesting...)

4x08: Papa

Then there's this...

We have both Brenner and Owens attending to El, as she is having flashbacks to her birth.

And AGAIN we get this focus on this female doctor (who appears to also be rocking the Byers' hairstyle....). This is after El has finally been faced with the 'truth' regarding the massacre at Hawkins Lab, and so why are they wasting all of this crucial time having El stare in the direction of where this woman is standing, literally squinting with a confused expression? She literally looks at this woman more than she does at Brenner and Owens (that close-up of El staring directly at her before she gets the first flashback is so insane, I want to scream) And why does she appear to have identical nail polish to Terry in her flashback, with them being juxtaposed back to back in those shots?

I think that what this all could essentially mean, is that our understanding of El's birth is not what it seems.

We hear 2 baby's crying during her flashback right before she banishes Henry to the upside down in 4x07. We see that there are inconsistencies with the flashbacks, with us even seeing a baby in the womb at one point, from the perspective of El who is also in the womb, meaning she was looking at another baby alongside her??? And we even get from Terry's flashbacks a moment where one baby is being held by Brenner, followed by him looking back to the source, almost confused (bc there's one more?)? And so that then begs to question if this was an intentional twin birth, or it just ended up being the case?

I guess with all of that at play, it's hard for me to distinguish what is real and what isn't anymore.

I mean, isn't there an official still of Henry at Project Nina? Did we just scurry past that without thinking about the implications of it?

That opens up a whole new can of worms because it begs to question, again what is real and what isn't real, even further? How much are the lab in control of what is going on? Do they know what Henry's plan is based on some type of secret information we don't have? Or are they also pawns in Henry's game, making choices without even realizing that he is behind them because he is playing with time?

I guess I don't really see why Henry would turn back the clock though, in this context? Like going back to 59 and what happened back then, which led to all of this coming into play? I just struggle to understand how that would be dealt with in a way that wouldn't feel sort of like, why tho?

I also as of now subscribe to this being a time loop situation based on evidence that goes back to the very first episode. So when there's time trickery involved, I guess it's just a lot easier for me to imagine Henry turning back the clock for a specific reason, with it being in relation to Joyce and Hopper specifically (and the vague plot of the play thus far supports that possibility more to me?)

Basically the crack theory I'm subtly subscribing to rn, is that something horrible happened in the OG timeline in relation to Will/El. I think Lonnie could have been involved, and it's likely the lab was involved in covering it up because they were responsible for him as he was a volunteer who went haywire basically.

And so Henry, turning back the clock, is him making an attempt to give Will and El a second chance in a world that he views as a horrible place that let him (and them) down.

I think that could fit into Henry's motives being a lot more justified than we are expecting, with him experiencing both being impacted by the lab and having to deal with societies demands of him fitting their mold.

I am intrigued at the very least by the prospects of this being like a plan from the lab, with the focus on eggs/demogorgan imagery being inspired by the movie Aliens. I can't think much further how that would work, but I can imagine it at least!

And no offense to you, but this combined with the Darth Vader/Luke parallels still doesn't quite manage to outweigh all the foreshadowing connected to Hopper, which goes all the way back to s1, literally right after the opening credits of the pilot episode. Whereas this is starting to only be added into the narrative in s3 (barely!).

While I will continue to be open to anything and everything, I'm still leaning more towards this being a misdirect, just as Terry and Lonnie were, for an audience that has a lot of surprises in store in s5, which they couldn't see coming in the first place because of all the red herrings they fell for easily along the way.

TBH I see more connecting the Creels to the Wheelers in terms of a secret familial revelation. And I don't see that being something that would happen simultaneously with this, so for that reason, I'm out (for now at least!).

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"Oddly enough, no," Dorian admitted, as he helped himself to a cup of tea, giving it a cursory blow to cool it down before he took a sip, saying, "I thought I would be, especially as we come down to the wire, but...I just can't say that I am. Call me an optimist, but...I just have a feeling that there's nothing to worry about."

All throughout these weeks of planning, of playing at being the happy couple with Emily, of scheming behind their families backs, of all the preparations being made, he was waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop, for the nervousness to kick in...and yet, it never did. He felt strangely calm about the proceedings, like something in his bones assured him that everything was going to be alright, and he was inclined to believe that. After all, Nicholas had been removed from the picture entirely, all of New Orleans was eating up everything they'd seen and heard about the young couple, and both their families were none the wiser to the plan. Everything was going off without a hitch, and he was glad for it.

That being said, he didn't miss the way Emily fidgeted with her sleeve, and he knew she wasn't feeling quite as calm as he was. Setting down his cup, he asked her gently, "I...take it you don't feel the same?" Perhaps if they talked it out together, she'd feel a bit better?

[sovonight]

xan's candle event is so funny to me. you have to choose 1 specific option for the candles to even be significant to your charname, and yet the next day xan presents you with a lit candle no matter what you said, and if you're like um is that supposed to represent something, he's like yes but also no, and i will not explain, and also i'm still going to use this as a symbol to make a promise to you, even though i literally refuse to elaborate

[oetscop]

so. its schizoaffective disorder. which is honestly funny bc they almost diagnosed me as schizophrenic when i went to the psych ward in 2022, but ultimately they settled on bipolar. always kept saying like "wow they almost misdiagnosed me can you imagine if that happened?? crazy." and THEN when they brought it up again i was thinking they did actually misdiagnose me the first time around.

but then BOOM its pretty much both of those actually. guess that explains the mania lol

[talentforlying]

father grimaldi: forgive me, lord, for i have sinned. constantine: — understatement of the bloody century, that is. father grimaldi: the chapel is closed to the public! who are you? how did you get in here . . .? constantine: did you know vatican city has the highest per-capita crime rate of any nation state in the world? i'd have thought a touch of breaking and entering's pretty much par for the course around here.

so #1, an undeniable slay.

#2, how long do we think he was sitting in the confessional booth waiting for the guy to wake up from ellie's fake vision quest. like an hour? checking his light, practicing his Big Reveal Pose TM? he probably brought a book with him and just shoved it underneath the seat cushion when it was time to show off.

#3, knowing how intensely he studied & continues to study in order to teach himself magic at such an absurdly advanced level without any teachers to formally guide him? and how that level of dedication would absolutely carry over into researching a mark / making sure he had every corner of a confidence scheme nailed down pat? i like to imagine that the day before this meeting was spent with his severely under-caffeinated ass parked at a public library computer, squinting at articles for 'most important things to know about vatican city before you travel' or 'top 10 little-known facts about vatican city' and using the back of his boarding pass to take notes on what would be the best throwaway line to blow off all the usual questions with.

also, he probably woke up still in his travel clothes less than two hours before this scene and had to hustle to get suited up in time for his Dramatic Apparition. the demon blood was boiling so bad in that chapel that it was giving him a killer migraine. he didn't get breakfast so his stomach was growling the ENTIRE time. but all that meant was he had plenty of room to eat UP the runway and that's EXACTLY what the fuck he did.i'm

[thisblogisblank]

This weird Spurrit OC appeared in my dreams last night, and I want to bring the boy into reality. Should I?

[intergalactic-bean]

False Memory obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an OCD subtype characterized by ongoing intrusive doubting thoughts and compulsive behavior around a past event. People with False Memory OCD experience frequent doubts about things that have happened to them and may be convinced they’ve done something wrong despite no evidence of these memories being true (e.g., “Did I accidentally steal and don’t remember?”). The recurrent doubting thoughts are often viewed as an indication that their fears are true (e.g., “if I’m so concerned I stole, then I must have. Otherwise, why am I thinking about it?”), which fuels anxiety about their memories and drives people struggling with these thoughts to engage in various compulsions aimed at gaining certainty about their memories (e.g., asking for continual reassurance from a friend about whether you accidentally stole something, or searching through your home for the receipt).

If you didn’t know, now you know. And if you experience this, I’m holding your hand and we are okay. This is a part of ocd, you aren’t alone and you aren’t crazy— but the fake memory isn’t real either. We can note the thought and move on, don’t engage with it just notice it, breathe in, and let it go, breathe out.