#and what’s you favorite aspect of being able to tell a story through song?

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

Since I know y’all can come up with a more thought provoking question than the one that the new dedicated reporter would ask, reblog and put in the tags the three questions regarding her career, craft and/or songs you would ask Taylor if given the chance.

[goldrushenthusiast]

Have you read the hunger games prequel, the ballad of songbirds and snakes?

What's your opinion about it?

What's the most shocking revelation from the novel related to the original trilogy?

What's your favorite character from it?

Do you plan to see the tbosas movie in theaters?

Thank you

@curiousnonny

Definitely read it!! And loved it.

Honestly, it’s my favorite book in the series. It’s fascinating to read and everytime I do I just fall more in love with it. I used to have the entire first 3 pages memorized and could finish random sentences in my head and would quote it often (mostly to myself lol). I still do the former two but the first has gone down to just the first page lol because I had a three week reading break.

The best…connection, or revelation to the OG trio would have to be the hanging tree song. It’s perfect, and really shows us just how fearful that song makes Snow. It also gives us a look into the possibilities of a relationship between Katniss and Lucy Gray, due to the fact Lucy Gray wasn’t allowed to play it in public so only her kids would’ve known it.

My favorite character is hard. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying too hard to be different, or quirky or whatever, but genuinely it’s Ma Plinth or Tigris. Maude Ivory & Lucy Gray are also up there for sure.

Ma Plinth because she’s so real. As I feel like we all know, THG is definitely some sort of commentary on America/The modern age (reaping day July 4th, babies protected more than children, etc) and I feel like specifically her, and by extension Sejanus, really represent the immigrant struggle.

Two of my aunts (different sides of my family) were immigrants. One from Mexico, one from Canada, so definitely different experiences. While Ma Plinth is for sure more privileged than most immigrants, there’s still a lot of aspects I recognize in her I see in my aunts as well, such as only bringing small treasures, not always being able to pick up on the new places culture, always feeling like it’s obvious they’re not “really” from there, etc.

Sejanus I feel like represents the children of immigrant parents who try to reject their culture (hating his father’s use of money, constantly defying them, doing things to go against them, etc). I don’t like his character too much, but he’s definitely an interesting one.

Tigris is my favorite as an older sister. Coriolanus can barely begin to grasp what Tigris had to go through for him, what she goes through, and everything she does for him. She works her ass off every day to provide and I love her for it. It’s clear she actually cares about him, even if he can’t tell the full extent of it.

Maude Ivory just because she’s adorable and a total vibe and reminds me of my younger sister, who’s always singing lol. Like she’s just so cute and I feel like an amazing addition to the story and I just have to acknowledge that and her.

Lucy Gray…well that’s Lucy Gray. She’s badass, again the older sister struggle, and I love her! Like how could you not?? I love how she played Coriolanus so well and it just makes me happy to know she’s there and hopefully thriving.

Me & My Dad are going the very first night to see the movie! While I don’t like Coriolanus or Sejanus’ casting, there isn’t much to do about it, and the cinematography looks so impressive I couldn’t not see it in theaters or not see it all just because of that. I’m very excited for it.

Thank you for the question @curiousnonny !! I feel like I hardly get to talk about my personal relations to TBOSAS so I love getting questions like this. Sorry it took forever to answer lol.

As always, feel free to debate but not argue in the comments!

[sadsongsandwaltzes]

about country music, I've never really gotten into it. May I ask why you like it so and what might be some good songs to start listening to?

It all started when I was born…

I was born into a family living in a trailer house in the middle of an alfalfa field. My mother a schoolteacher, my father hauled manure. My grandparents were farmers and ranchers. My clothes were hand me downs and most of our meals were rather bland. On one hand I guess you could say in some sense, country music is the music of my people. It’s an ingrained sense of belonging. The category to which we belonged was “poor rural country folk” and that’s just who we were. It’s the sounds of home. The topics of familiarity. There’s a natural and proud bias.

On the other hand is my father. A naturally talented musician with an extreme adoration for country music. I would sit on the floor playing with my dollhouse and he would sit and strum James Taylor songs and sing them to me (which is folk music, but it’s adjacent). He would tuck me into bed and sing me I Love by Tom T. Hall. He instilled in me from a young age a love for music. A love for great songwriting and beautiful melodies.

I did grow up with the oldies. I knew all them old songs, but I’d be lying if I said I cared about them. Growing up, with the exception of a few favorite songs, I didn’t give a flying crap about (especially classic) country because it was my parents music. And I wanted to be rebellious and be anyone but who I actually was. So that’s when I got heavy into rock and such.

Fast forward to 19. I was on my own. The perfect storm hit. Being on my own for the first time, I was homesick. And the old country songs sounded like a warm Sunday afternoon. And then I went through my first very real heartbreak. Let me tell you, nothing will turn you onto country music quicker than hardship. Hard times and country music fit each other like a glove. Suddenly all these old songs I used to think were boring began to speak directly to my heart. I was a little older, I’d lived a little life, felt a few heartaches, made a few mistakes. I was now able to understand and appreciate the lyrics to a lot of these old songs.

Combine the emotional aspects (nostalgia and heartache) with my what was and is my very real deep seeded love for music in general, I began to study country music history, without even realizing really what I was getting into. I’m glad for that lonely time because it prompted me into discovering my greatest earthly passion. I was just trying to survive, and from the ashes arose a real love and appreciation for music and art like I never had before. I began to realize most American music wouldn’t exist without country (yes including and especially rock). I learn the history, the techniques, its reason for being. Every people group has its own folk music. The songs of the laborers, the forgotten, the downtrodden. And country music is the culmination of all those folk styles blending together. It’s the music of the people. People brought their own instruments together and sang the songs they knew: about the hard work they’ve down, the hard times they’ve experienced, the hymns of praise they sang at church, the grand stories they’ve heard. It’s the music that cuts at the core of the human experience. It’s music that exists simply for the love of music. It’s the music that exists for the specific need of exposing the inner soul. For saying what you can’t. Being the voice you need. For entertainment. Country music is well known for its storytelling and simple yet effective songwriting. “Three chords and the truth,” as it were.

I realized how truly special this music was. How objectively good it was (the average bluegrass musician can play circles around the average rock musician), and the need for it in this life. And in the words of emmylou Harris: “once I became converted to country music — there’s no other word for it — but I became obnoxious trying to get people to listen to it” (I’m paraphrasing)

As far as song recommendations, I’d have to know more about your specific taste or what kind of songs would speak to you. So I can only make general recommendations.

Everyone loves Johnny Cash as a whole. I don’t think I know a single person who doesn’t love Seminole Wind by John Anderson. or Kiss An Angel Good Morning by Charley Pride. or Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell. Maybe listen to Drive by Alan Jackson. or Pancho And Lefty by Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard. Everything That Glitters Is Not Gold by Dan Seals. George Strait is the king of course, so maybe any of his biggest hits. I don’t know if you’d like the real twangy stuff or not. Or the cowboy stuff. Maybe you’d like the modern red dirt scene. So maybe check out Turnpike Troubadours. I think in general 90s country is also a good general gateway, because the music is so fun. Everyone loves blasting 90s country on a hot summer day and throwing a couple back. If you like being depressed, however, may I suggest Traveling Alone by Jason Isbell? If you like 70s, definitely check out Waylon or Emmylou Harris. If you wanna understand what I mean about country music being the voice for the forgotten, perhaps I could interest you in Mamas Hungry Eyes by Merle Haggard.

But yeah idk lol I’d need more details about you

[astramachina]

WIP questionnaire tag

the indomitable @fortunatetragedy tagged me on this baby while i was away and boy howdy do i love talking about my projects.

diving headfirst into The Singularity Project (codename: T.E.S. CO) for this one, babes.

What’s the first part of your WIP that you created?

The Vibes. Last October I was being harassed by a brain worm (lol) that did not want to become concrete in any way, and the only way I could get it down was by writing "the vibes" of what I wanted. Those vibes included "hazy 60s lounge", "synth", "Panos Cosmatos' style for weird ass stuff", and "burnt orange".

If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

What Have You Become by MNQN, but more 80s-fied. And because I feel like it, it's end credits song would be I Remember by Tristam but like... slightly more melancholic.

What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

So far, it'll have to be Verne. Neither hero or villain, he's the protagonist's father, and while he isn't physically in the story (as far as I can tell) he inescapably haunts the narrative. By "saving the world" the only way he thought possible, he doomed his son to a life no one deserves. He's also a silly guy who thinks himself a god (derogatory) and is wanted for several crimes against humanity. Second fave is Mike, our deuteragonist. He's just a guy trying to make a living but his work crush has been acting super weird by knocking back 20+ cans of soda per shift and claiming he can "hear the Mall speaking to him".

What other pieces of media do you think your fanbase would share?

Tumblrinas (affectionate, gender neutral) would probably also be reblogging some horror webseries things (SCP, The Walten Files, The Backrooms, etc), as well as more classic horror such as Re-Animator, The Thing, and The Fly.

What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

.......Yes. When the story started to form I struggled with the idea of capturing it in a single medium. I am first and foremost a writer, obvs, but a lot of the story relied heavily on visual storytelling. I eventually decided to turn this into a "multi-media project", which means there's a huge chunk of writing, but there are also segments that can only be experienced through audio and visuals (and maybe some fun ARG-esque puzzles). Three POVs? Each POV has its own timeline and its own medium? Did I embark on a multi-month journey to learn Blender and video editing? Am I still trying to get the story down? The answer is yes. (Help me.)

Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

Yes. Mike has an anthill because it's the only thing he can keep alive.

How do your characters travel/get around?

In the 1911 portion? Via ship. Ernest Shackleton's ship on its voyage to the Antarctic, to be exact. In the 1981 portion? Via bus. Mike's too broke to afford a car. In the 2021 portion? Via car. [Cy] is the man with the plan... and also the car to drive his crew around.

What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

Mike's journals, which covers the events of 1981 through 1983. This part is the bulk of the entire project, and the part that is mostly told through writing.

What aspects (tropes, maybe?) will you think draw your audience in?

So many morally gray characters. But also morally corrupt characters. And morally confused characters.

I hope you like your monsters goopy, and your effects practical.

Don't worry about the cult swearing they can save the soul of a poor young "confused" man.

The true friends were the transgender allegories we made along the way.

What is the point of Man vs. Machine when the Man knows not what he is.

The worm can talk and it has anxiety. I think it's gay?

What are your hopes for your WIP?

TO COMPLETE IT. LMAO. Mostly I just want to be able to stand up and say "Hey, look what I made! I made it because I wanted to and all my hard work paid off!" But I guess it would also be neat to have some sort of cult following? Would love to see fanart of what people think some of the characters look like! I wanna see fic! Give me fan songs I can blast while I drive! I wanna see certain YouTubers react/try to "solve" it so that I can sit there shaking my head. You know. The usual.

this took way longer than i expected so i'ma quick tag @ap0stle, @kairahara, @wrencatte, and YOU.

[2treez]

Today someone asked about my fork tattoo (which most of the time I forget I have) but I’m glad they did. I needed the reminder of what it symbolized. I have a couple friends that are going through tough times right now. I hope they find peace in this message. For those who don’t know what it means, I’ll share the story below.

“There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things ‘in order,’ she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

‘There’s one more thing,’ she said excitedly.

‘What’s that?’ came the Pastor’s reply.

‘This is very important,’ the young woman continued. ‘I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.’

The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.

‘That surprises you, doesn’t it?’ the young woman asked.

‘Well, to be honest, I’m puzzled by the request,’ said the Pastor.

The young woman explained. ‘My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, ‘Keep your fork.’ It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming, like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!’

‘So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder, ‘What’s with the fork?!’ Then I want you to tell them: ‘Keep your fork. The best is yet to come.’

The Pastor’s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman goodbye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman’s casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, ‘What’s with the fork?’ And over and over again he smiled.

During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.”

So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share. Being friends with someone is not an opportunity, but a sweet responsibility

And just remember…keep your fork!

The BEST is yet to come!”

🌳🍴🌳

[starberry-cupcake]

Serpentin Vert (aka The Dragon Husband) won my fairy tale poll, so here's more about him

Serpentin Vert is both a character and the title of a fairy tale by Madame d'Aulnoy, published for the first time in 1698.

Even though the name is closer to "serpent" and some illustrators have depicted him as such, d'Aulnoy's description of him is closer to a dragon than a snake, and his size is big enough to have allowed him to physically carry his bride to safety.

Here is an English translation of the description by James Robinson Planché:

He has green wings, a body of a thousand colours, ivory claws, fiery eyes, and on his head is a bristling mane of long hair.

This is him rescuing his soon-to-be bride in an illustration from the Garnier edition, circa 1850 (my favorite one of him):

Serpentin Vert (translated by Planché as Green Serpent and in Spanish by Editorial Siruela as Serpentino Verde) is a fairy tale in the category know as "The Animal as Bridegroom" (Aarne-Thompson-Uther Index's ATU 425).

Some of these, and this one is no exception, work with Cupid and Psyche as a foundation (the most popular being Beauty and the Beast), but d'Aulnoy's style doesn't just use it as reference, she includes it in the story, as a tale the lead character reads and, much like Psyche or even Orpheus, still does what she shouldn't.

The lead of the story is Laideronnette, a princess cursed by a fairy to become the ugliest person alive, while her twin sister doesn't get said curse. She exiles herself after her family treats her poorly and meets Serpentin, who falls in love with her but she rejects him, since she's afraid of him. When he talks to her without her seeing him, she distrusts him, because she doesn't believe a king would fall in love with her, but starts having feelings for the person she spends so much time talking to. Their marriage is the halfway point of the story, because it's through Laideronnette breaking her promise (much like Psyche) that she will have to face many challenges to save the dragon she has fallen in love with. Of course, like most Animal Bridegroom stories, Serpentin is actually a cursed man.

Like most fairy tales written by the salonnières, this is a very long story, that takes twists and turns, has the characters move through different settings and gets in there a couple of songs and poems. If you're more used to the Perrault-like or even Grimm-like fairy tales, you may not be too familiar with the way in which salonnières told fairy tales, but these stories, born for the entertainment from women to other women in salons, are not always devoid of lessons but are more focused on the storytelling aspect and take a lot more pages to tell the story, describe surroundings and have the characters express their turmoil to the reader (or listener, originally).

Serpentin is always gentle and caring, although able to drop an "I told you so" when he feels it's warranted. Differently from Villeneuve's Beast (or Beaumont's even), he's more eloquent throughout the story and more active as well. There is a mutual saving between him and Laideronnette and her tasks to save Serpentin come after realizing she's in love with him, which makes their relationship dynamic a longer element to develop.

The fact that they're both cursed by the same fairy also generates an interesting dynamic in which both are at the mercy of a same enemy and can bond through the isolation caused by their self-imposed exiles. Of course, this being a classic fairy tale, she doesn't remain "ugly" and he doesn't remain a dragon.

The story isn't devoid of problematic stereotypes, these were French women in the 1600s, but most of the elements included trace back to the typical inspirations for d'Aulnoy: Greek mythology, opera and the folklore shared by midwives and nurses that accompanied women through motherhood. I talked a bit more about d'Aulnoy on this post, she was wild.

Now, to some more illustrations of the man of the hour:

This one is from Harriet Mead Olcott (1919), who went more snake-like but kept the wings.

Another one from the Garnier edition, it didn't stay very consistent on the size of him.

This is a part of the engraving made by Jean-Louis Delignon over this original by Clemént-Pierre Marillier (1785):

Maria Pascual played a bit more with Laideronnette's features, but it's more evident when she's beside her sister.

And a very recent depiction came from Natalie Frank in 2017 for Jack Zipes's compilation of d'Aulnoy stories titled The Island of Happiness, I think this is after Laideronnette was already transformed and changed her name into Discrète.

Serpentin Vert is actually the first of the fairy tales I included in my virtual workshop that starts next month (in Spanish). I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it won the poll because of a) the nature of this site and b) the fact that d'Aulnoy would vibe with the discourse on here if she was around. You can find the original fairy tale in French here, the Planché English translation here and the Lawrence and Bullen translation here. For the Spanish version I had to translate it myself for the workshop, but there is a good translation in Siruela's edition of El cuarto de las hadas.

[themerelypersonal]

Listening to this song ready to start telling a story, as humans do, about my life. I had just finished cheesy eggs in a tortilla and sat there in my dimly lit living room and savored each bite. In "Thinking Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman, he had said there was a study where they found that french women find more satisfaction from their food than American women because they aren't multi-tasking while eating. So, in french style, I suppose, I sat there and thought about the particles of my eggs. I closed my eyes and tasted. While I chewed, I looked around at my plants, books, and the skeleton named jinkies whom always makes me happy. The whole act was yummier so I suppose there may be some truth to that with the one trial I have attempted on myself... hardly good data but there I go.

Earlier, I climbed my heart out. There is this pink 12- that I am so close to finishing. I am so passionate about it and I constantly steal looks in between climbs l...I love having a project again. I'm making progress and am already able to climb up and down 8s and 9s. Soon, maybe, I can climb down 10s and 11s like I used to. I've been climbing like a monkey, swinging from side to side while listening to R&B which has been my genre of choice to climb to as of late. I saw Atlanta after my climb and we spent over an hour discussing intelligence, civilization, language, and power structures. It was a delight. I love breaking down subjects with humans. It is rare that I get to do so, though, I will say the Universe has sent me more souls to ponder life's deepest treasures lately. When I have opened myself to what god/universe/creator has in store for me, I have found so many gifts.

I started this new biography called "We Will Be Jaguars" by Nemonte Nenquimo. She was part of the Waorani tribe found in the Amazonian areas in Ecuador and so far, from what I understand in the book, she documents her experiences growing up in the jungle and being introduced to Christian missionaries who brought sickness to her people. I don't really like to read full synopsis of books just like I don't like to read climbs before I climb them. I like to not assume how it will end - sort of with everything in life perhaps. Hearing of this women's experiences is fascinating. She mentions places I've been to and it was neat to imagine the different animal life and her ancestors walking the same paths, maybe, that I did. When I went to Ecuador, I swam in tucked away pools in the Amazon forest near the small city of Coca. I spent alot of time alone in the jungle and with kids talking in Spanish about what their life was like. I remember this one child in particular named Charlie. He reminds me now of Ezra and was so intelligent. He would walk with me and explain different parts of his culture to me. Years later, hearing this woman's experiences is fascinating. She was talking about how she went to this missionary lady named Rachel who would give the girls dresses who would go to church. She wouldn't give you a dress if you didn't go. Before she received a dress, she said she would walk around naked in then jungle in her favorite pair of red underwear. She talked about how her baby brother would feed the monkey near them and how she told him not do so because the monkey needed to learn to feed herself.. and because she liked watching the way the monkey would pull apart insects- I found that last part very wonderful. Why? It's very human and honest.

I'm still reading through my Zen book and scribbling notes on all the pages like this one:

I was thinking this morning, staring out at the dusty white mountains and watching another season change into itself how odd it is that so many years have gone by. I swear it was just 2020 seconds ago and we all wondered if maybe the world was ending.

I've been struggling with aspects of my past and present that I still feel too sore to write about. Some days are better than others but I'm still in a state of shock. I am am allowing myself to feel the feels. I cannot be ashamed of that. I must show up honestly. I won't feel good living otherwise.

Otherwise, I am joyful. This baby inside of me kicks. What a strange thing it is to grow a human!

Off to fart around, literally, and play piano maybe or write a poem.

[bloggingproject]

The Art of Story Telling: An Insight to Kendrick Lamar

By Nahla White

When I think of some of the greatest concept albums to come out of the 21st century, it’s impossible to neglect mentioning the works of the great Kendrick Lamar. Across all five of his studio releases, Kendrick has been able to craft a reputation for himself of being a masterful storyteller and an even more masterful musician, and nothing displays this more than his 2015 magnum opus: To Pimp a Butterfly (TPAD). 

Following three years after the release and massive success of Good Kid, M.A.A.D City, TPAD serves as another book in Kendricks life, with each chapter (song) recounting his personal experiences, inner thoughts, and opinions about the world he lives in. And while Kendrick's album does contain much insight and commentary about issues relating to capitalism, the exploitation of Black music and culture, and the mistreatment of Black people in America, his personal testimony is often overshadowed by the previously listed qualities and is sometimes outright ignored by people who tend to want to search for deeper meaning within the album. Today, I want to look into why this happens and shed more light on the deeper, more personal aspects of the album that are often obscured in interpretations of the work. Rather than going through the entire album, I’ll be focusing on four of my favorite songs and their place in the overall story.  

“I’ll Wesley Snipe Your Ass Before Thirty Five.”

Starting with what I believe to be the best song on the album, “Wesley’s Theory” provides a rather deep and introspective outlook on the effects of becoming a mainstream rapper. Within the story of the album, Kendrick recounts the aftermath of Good Kid, M.A.A.D City's success, with the first verse of the track expressing the excitement he felt upon making it big in the industry. Through lines such as “When I get signed, homie, I’ma act a fool,” and “Uneducated, but I got a million-dollar check like that,” we hear the narrator of the song flaunt his success by indulging in things that he once saw as unobtainable. 

The following hook that goes “We should never gave you niggas money” describes the sentiment most White people (and even many Black folks) have towards this generation of "new money". Similar to the topic of reparations, many people retain ideas of African Americans being undeserving of such wealth because they believe we’d spend it on unimportant things. There is this overarching theme of reflection throughout the album, with Kendrick reflecting on the poorer decisions of his past, and he admits that his eagerness to spend money is one of them. 

Another impressive storytelling device that I feel Kendrick doesn’t get credited with enough is his ability to rap from different perspectives, especially through the use of voice modulators and vocal impressions. The last section of the song is told through the perspective of Uncle Sam; an allegory for America’s capitalism. A particular section in the verse, I think, perfectly summarizes the entire point Kendrick was trying to convey with this opening track:

“Christmas, tell ‘em what's on your wishlist

Get it all, you deserve it Kendrick

And when you hit the White House, do you

But remember, you aint pass economics in school. 

And everything you buy, taxes will deny. 

I’ll Wesley Snipe your ass before thirty-five.”

Uncle Sam sort of acts like the devil on Kendrick's shoulder, coaxing him to indulge in his desires despite the financial repercussions that come with it. While the commentary on capitalism in this song is worth talking about, I think it's just as crucial to focus on the ways it personally impacted Kendrick’s life.

Which leads me to my next song… 

“King Kunta, Black Man Taking No Losses.”

King Kunta is the third track on the album, and it is here where Kendrick reveals his intentions behind the title of the album.

Kunta Kinte was a character featured and popularized in Alex Haley’s novel Roots. With the accounts of Kinte’s life supposedly being passed down through Haley’s family via oral tradition, one of the most memorable events in his life is his refusal to accept the slave name that was forced onto him. Due to his defiance, Kinte’s foot was cut off, hence Kendrick’s reference of: “Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin’. King Kunta, everybody wanna cut the legs off him.”

The juxtaposition between the word king and the name Kunta is supposed to portray the way in which Kendrick feels like a slave to the system. Despite having the fame, money, and likability that he had always desired, he ultimately recognizes that he’s fallen  victim to the game all the same. He feels like he’s being pimped out by the rap industry as a whole, hence the name To Pimp a Butterfly. 

However, despite this knowledge of his exploitation, this doesn’t stop Kendrick from continuing to indulge in his lifestyle, and that also doesn’t stop him from using his own power and influence to exploit others. 

“Killed my Homeboy and God Spared Your Life.” 

“These Walls” is the fifth track on TPAB and acts as the bridge that connects this album to Good Kid, M.A.A.D City. 

Upfront, These Walls is a funk inspired, upbeat track where Kendrick utilizes numerous metaphors and allegories to talk about sex. Even the use of the words “these walls” is supposed to represent the walls of the female genitalia, but peeling back the surface reveals so much more that the song has to offer. 

This is where we, as the audience, start to see aspects of Kendrick’s depression and survivor’s guilt begin to manifest. Along with being an allegory for sex, the “walls” Kendrick raps about also represent the mental barriers that he finds himself trapped in as a result of his fame and the expectations he has to live up to. Feeling isolated from his community and within his own mind, he turns to sex as a means of distracting himself from his depression; a coping that doesn’t seem to be working very well. 

The song takes a rather interesting and dark turn during the last verse. For context: The ending to Good Kid, M.A.A.D City’s “Swimming Pools” is about one of Kendrick’s childhood friends being gunned down seemingly out of nowhere. This happens when Kendrick is 15 years old. Fast forward to the events of “These Walls”, and while Kendrick is back visiting his home city of Compton, he ends up sleeping with the girlfriend of the man who killed his friend as retaliation. 

“Killed my homeboy and God spared your life

Dumb criminal got indicted same night

So when you play this song, rewind the first verse

About me abusing my power so you can hurt

About me and her in the shower whenever she horny

About me and her in the after hours of the morning”

While feeling like he’s been cheated by the system, Kendrick uses his own power and influence to manipulate and exploit others, ultimately allowing the cycle of exploitation to continue. 

“A Friend Never Leave Compton for Profit.”

What I consider to be the first of two climaxes and the emotional peak of the album, “U” (the sixth track on the album) acts as a hate letter from Kendrick to himself. During his downward spiral, Kendrick finds himself in a hotel room drinking away his sorrows while contemplating on the least admirable qualities about himself. His feelings of survivor's remorse and self hatred start to manifest in the repetition of the lines “Loving you is complicated.” 

In this, he raps about all that happened during his tour of Good Kid M.A.A.D City, reminiscing on the numerous friends that he had lost due to violence in Compton. He expresses guilt for seemingly leaving his friends and family behind to die while he was living a life most people could only dream of. 

"You ain’t no brother, you ain’t no disciple, you ain’t no friend.

A friend never leave Compton for profit,

or leave his best friend, little brother

You promised you’d watch him before they shot him."

I feel like this is the song most people seem to overlook in terms of their interpretations of the album. Black art is constantly politicized regardless of the artist's true intention for the piece, and while there is much political commentary to be found throughout the album, “U” holds the key to understanding that this truly is a story about Kendrick’s personal journey. 

“I Remember You Was Conflicted…”

 It's difficult for many folks to conceptualize that Black people are allowed to live lives that don’t revolve around our struggle, even though our struggle plays a huge role in how we live our lives. Despite TPAB walking this fence almost perfectly, the credit is almost never given where it’s due.

 I personally believe that this, in part, has to do with society's obsession of finding “value” in Black art and music. With Rap making its way into the mainstream and becoming the new Pop music, most people detest the mainstream Trap sound that the genre is often reduced to. It further affirms the numerous negative stereotypes people have about Rap and thus rids the genre of any nuance or diversity. As a result, critics typically gravitate towards music that they deem as “introspective” or “valuable”, completely disregarding stuff that would be considered “stereotypical” Hip-Hop. 

While looking into why this is, I also stumbled across another theory as to why people can’t seem to divide the personal from the political. John Lawrie’s article “I Remember You Was Conflicted”: Reinterpreting Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp A Butterfly points towards the works of Henry Louis Gates Jr., and his theory of how much Black art during the duration of 20th century (and even now) was created as a form of retaliation:

“This broad methodological practice, however, forces one to examine all African American music as fundamentally political, regardless of its intent.” (Lawrie, 2016)

At its roots, Hip-Hop was originally created as an alternative subculture, serving as a means of finding joy, community, and happiness despite the many socioeconomic disparities most Black people were subjected to. In a time and era where simply being Black was frowned upon, any sort of triumph was seen as an act of defiance towards the norm of White culture and supremacy, which is why Hip-Hop was immediately rejected by the masses at the time of its emergence. 

Despite Hip-Hop being mainstream, many people still hold onto this concept. It's the same reason why non-Black people compare me to the Black Panther’s whenever I wear my afro on the street; the Blackness and the Black experience has historically been politicized, and TPAB has been subjected to the same treatment. 

Works Cited:

Bassil, Ryan. “The Narrative Guide to Kendrick Lamar’s ‘to Pimp a Butterfly.’” VICE, 24 Mar. 2015, www.vice.com/en/article/rzvbwe/the-narrative-guide-to-kendrick-lamars-to-pimp-a-butterfly-2015. Accessed 11 Feb. 2024.

Eastaugh, Sophie. “‘Don’t Call Me Toby:’ the Story of the Slave Who Fought Back.” CNN, Cable News Network, 4 Aug. 2015, www.cnn.com/2015/08/03/africa/the-story-of-kunta-kinte-the-slave-who-fought-back/index.html. Accessed 11 Feb. 2024.

“Hip-Hop.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, inc., www.britannica.com/art/hip-hop. Accessed 11 Feb. 2024.

Lamar, Kendrick. “Swimming Pools (Drank) - Extended Version.” good kid m.A.A.d city, Spotify, 1 Jan. 2012, open.spotify.com/track/5ujh1I7NZH5agbwf7Hp8Hc.

Lamar, Kendrick. “To Pimp a Butterfly.” Spotify, 16 Mar. 2015, open.spotify.com/album/7ycBtnsMtyVbbwTfJwRjSP. Accessed 11 Feb. 2024.

Lawrie, John. “‘I Remember You Was Conflicted’: Reinterpreting Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly .” Sydney Undergraduate Journal of Musicology , vol. 6, Dec. 2016, pp. 40–54, https://openjournals.library.sydney.edu.au/SCM/article/view/11550.

[twopoppies]

In the interview that louis did to billboard, he said that he is making a documentary of his life, whaat?? Did you see that??

I did see it! It’s not totally clear what period of his life he’s focusing on, or how he plans on tackling some big lies about his life, but I’m sure it will be super interesting.

[…]

1. You’re in the process of filming a documentary – do you have a favorite music documentary that you’ve seen?

They’ve done two or three, but there’s an amazing Red Hot Chili Peppers one on YouTube, forget what it’s called. They’re making one of the albums. As a music fan, [it’s] just really, really interesting to watch through the process — and especially, you know, a band that are very different to anything I’ve ever experienced. So really inspiring and interesting.

2. How does the process of capturing your life on film contextualize how you reflect on your growth and progress?

It’s funny, really, because any time I’ve been watching different edits of it, you look at it in quite a clinical manner. You’re very aware that it’s you and it’s your story. But I think at the moment, because it’s kind of not finished, you’re looking with different eyes. So I’m sure once it’s finished and I really take all those emotions in, that it will be interesting, definitely. But at the moment, yeah, I’m just a little bit more clinical trying to work out exactly how to mold it.

The whole article is super interesting (and stunt free). Here are some highlights:

3. How has using emotion and honesty in your songwriting gotten you to the point of being able to write a song like “Chicago,” or to incorporate reflections on platonic relationships like on “That’s the Way Love Goes”?

That’s always been like me bread and butter, really – honesty within lyric. But I suppose I’ve used it in different ways over the years. I think for me, especially on this record, I didn’t want to make everything feel like a romantic love song. And there’s a way of talking about love without feeling so soppy and f–king romantic — like, look how we do on “That’s the Way Love Goes.” You’re talking to a friend who’s going through something about a relationship and still there’s an element of love in there, you know?

But I think it was just about me expressing myself and trying to think with a little bit more depth. I think it’s the easiest concept to come up with, probably – love songs. But I think I wanted to be broader on this record. I wanted to say more. I wanted to have more interesting concepts. But I do think honesty, it’s always kind of come naturally to me. What I did a little bit different on this record was I tried to write a little bit outside of myself and looking at other people and people’s situations, or imagining a different situation. So not writing completely from personal experience, trying to be broader with that.

4. What was the experience of creating Faith in the Future like in comparison to Walls?

[…]

I’m immensely proud of those songs [on Walls], but at times when I listen to the album, it kind of lacks that consistency and fluidity. And that’s because, you know, when I was writing the songs, it was over a big chunk of my life. Lots of stuff happening to me. So at times it was moving around conceptually. Whereas I think this record, every song is about something slightly different. But I think there is something, there’s the element of change that keeps coming back. There’s definitely a lot of nostalgia in there, because I’ve been thinking about getting older and all that kind of thing. So I think there is a kind of invisible concept that ties it all together, if you know what I mean.

[…]

6. Tell me about how you chose your collaborators for this record. What’s the most important aspect of an artist-producer relationship for you?

Well, first, I wanted to work with people who make the music that I really love listening to, and that hasn’t always been the case. I’ve also not been lucky enough to be in those rooms before this album, mainly. So the benefit of working with artists and producers that work within the space that A) I want to be in and B) that I listen to, obviously just everything just feels more natural. And also, even getting in the room with these people, it builds your confidence. You feel good about what you’re doing. And so in terms of the process, it wasn’t quite as regimented this time around.

[…]

15. Faith in the Future feels very conversational at times, while also maintaining a sense of introspection. How do you carve out a space for yourself while also leaving room for your fans to find themselves in the music, too?

That was important for me. I mean, conversational lyric – honest and conversational – is what comes naturally to me, lyrically. I wanted to write a little bit more metaphorically at times, like there’s definitely lyrics within “Silver tongues” that I think sound kind of random, but they meant something to us at the time. The first record, I explained what everything was about – but I also made it specifically only about me and my experiences. And exactly what you just said, I wanted to open up and give the fans room within these concepts that of course I can relate to, but so they can as well and it doesn’t just become completely autobiographical. Because, to be honest, that’s a little bit ego-driven, innit?

[…]

19. When you think about legacy and impact – when you look back on your career years and years down the line – what do you want to be the most defining element of all that you’ve done?

I think actually, as much as this album is about the fans and about those live moments — when I listen back to this album, even today, what makes me proud is this is the record I want to make and I always wanted to make. So if I still have that feeling in two years, which I imagine I will, that’s how I want to remember it individually. That will definitely give me confidence for the rest of my career. And it already has. I really feel comfortable in what I’m doing and again, it all comes back to the fanbase. They’re the people who allow me to do what I want to do.

Read full article here

[mobiused]

On the new vs old m/v my whole thing that I've noticed is that the comeback's theme has become completely divorced from the lore being shown in the m/v so the lore comes off as like... not really meaning anything anymore? Like Why Not? the song is about not caring what people think and doing your own thing, but Why Not? the M/V is about the Loonaverse being destroyed and the members all being lost and separated and trying to find each other. These don't really build on to each other per se.

PTT the song is about quite possibly nothing? I guess it's a party song about how cool they are? And the music video is also like a mishmash of idk just whatever lore references plus some bit at the end about the black hole? And also they are fighting against some guys on the moon?

It's like you said, there aren't any themes driving the lore anymore. It's just self-referential. Like Yves' apple used to represent taking your destiny into your own hands and rejecting societal expectations of what you should do in order to find your own purpose. But when you see it in the Why Not? video it pretty much just represents Yves and is a way of going "hey remember the New music video?" There is no development of these symbols. The lore and story are no longer deeply symbolic and thematic, they are just flavoring. Which I guess is fine enough, but it makes it significantly less interesting to analyze and discuss. But it makes sense since there isn't someone at BBC anymore who is actively trying to tell a story and get across a message through Loona. They've only kept the lore because that's the group's concept.

I hope they eventually pick up someone who actually does care about trying to explore some new themes and ideas through the lore, but I'm not holding my breath.

I still honestly reaaally like the Why Not MV - I think there's significantly worse culprits *cough cough PTT/Hula Hoop* when it comes to MVs that have nothing to say. Why Not, whilst... aesthetically really messy (like. please you couldve just stuck to one concept why did you go with 4. even so, the ballroom/coachella kind of make sense, the white suits and boho/cowboy... not so much?) in my opinion, has lyrics and sound and a story that are actually super cohesive and work well together.

The song's verses possess this incredible angst both lyrically and sonically, telling how these young women feel isolated from the rest of the world by their inherent 'bad'ness (hmm! wonder what that might mean!), and as the prechorus begins, we hear about as the clock gets closer and closer to midnight... something is about to happen... and then the goofy, upbeat chorus comes in like a big sigh of relief. Being invited to the midnight party is these outsider girls finding their community, finally being able to relax and be happy, these are girls who think like you and understand what it feels like and offer reassurance. You can dance all night without worrying about anything now you're with LOONA. It's a cute message right? You have the alarm beeping too, which links the story and what you're listening to together - it's a story about CLOCKS and TIME and MIDNIGHT and this is truly conveyed aurally. It ends with Hyunjin losing her shoe, just like Cinderella. This is why Why Not is by far my favorite comeback out of the So What - Why Not - PTT triology. Mind you, I think the lore aspects introduced, like Vivi chasing after Yves, Jinsoul & the rain, Yeojin's "important" super powers - I really believe these would've been expanded upon if they JUST FUCKING KEPT THE SAME A&R TEAM FOR MORE THAN ONE COMEBACK. Christ.

This idea of linking sound, lyrics, MV and aesthetics together to tell a cohesive story has apparently since flown out the window.

[frankiekatt]

If it's not too much to ask, maybe you could write some soft moments between Bo Sinclair (house of wax) and his significant other?

Anon, of course! Of course my horse! This is the first request that I've ever written for, and I tried my absolute best! I really hope you like it!

TW: Implied death, blood, implied NSFW

Soft Moments Between Bo Sinclair And His S/O

Many people like to headcannon Bo as being a cold asshole (which he IS), but in my opinion, there is so much more to him. I headcannon Bo as being gruff, but also an unapologetic simp for his S/O!

Being with Bo means knowing everything about him, Ambrose, his brother Vincent, and The House of wax, and sticking by his side. Remaining loyal to him, no matter what.

This means that you’re around when Bo and Vincent lure their victims into Ambrose to add them to the wax figure collection. However, Bo has made it very clear that you are not to be around any of the violence whatsoever. Your job is to stay home and “sit pretty.”

On the days where Bo has to chase down new victims, he often earns a few wounds here and there, some serious, some not. When Bo staggers home, having just handed off the latest victim to Vincent, he prefers to clean his blood and patch up his wounds himself. After all the violence and blood and pain Bo endures on these days, any comforting or help you try to provide him just irritates and overwhelms him. If you sit next to him on the living room couch once he’s done cleaning himself up though, and run your fingers through his hair to relax him, he will absolutely melt in your arms.

Bo’s favorite thing in the world is your hands. He just thinks they’re so soft and dainty and small compared to his. Getting any kind of attention from your hands makes him feel like he could die happy.

His favorite place to have your hands is in his hair and on his chest. After long days of dealing with new people in Ambrose, Bo loves to lay his head in your lap while you sift your fingers through his dark locks and talk to him about anything and everything. Late at night, when neither you nor Bo could seem to fall asleep, you would lay next to him in bed, telling him stories of your childhood, and stroking his chest. On very, very rare nights, Bo can feel you trace the old scars that are imbedded on his chest and his wrists, whispering to Bo that you think he is so, so handsome, that he’s so special and he’s yours and you love him. During these rare nights, Bo holds you impossibly close to him, feeling like the luckiest bastard in the world for being able to be with someone like you.

On the days where there weren’t any strangers in Ambrose to deal with, Bo could usually be found down in his shop, working on old, rundown vehicles Lester had found on the side of the road or fiddling with his trusty truck. On these days, you could usually be found down in Bo’s shop to keep him company.

The two of you could spend hours upon hours together in that garage, flirting and conversing about anything that came to either of your minds.

Bo would be stealing glances at you every now and then while he repairs fan belts and spark plugs, hoping that the wind would blow your dress just a tad bit higher than it already was. He would find himself smiling a bit every time your giggles filled the room.

You would be sitting on a stool nearby, admiring Bo’s toned back as he worked, finding the tiny beads of sweat forming on his forehead incredibly enticing, losing yourself completely in Bo’s charming southern lilt anytime he threw a flirty comment your way.

Contrary to popular belief, Bo is actually a decent cook – he just hates to do it.

So, when you come around, wielding a silver spatula proudly, Bo is more than grateful.

On night’s when Bo is home to see you cook dinner, he can’t seem to take his eyes off of you.

Watching you go about the kitchen, humming quietly to yourself, tending to meat sizzling or stew bubbling atop the stove makes his heart skip a couple beats. The scene before him is just so dazzling and domestic compared to every other aspect in his life. The only thing he missed about his mother was home cooked meals

After dinner is finished cooking, you and Bo sit together at the dining room table, chatting about each other’s day, poking fun at each, flirting, laughing, enjoying each other’s presence to the fullest.

The first time Bo told you he loved you was in no way a picturesque, Hollywood movie type moment, but for the two of you, it was the most memorable moment of your lives’.

It had been pretty late on that night, even Vincent had stalked up to his room to turn in for the night.

You and Bo, however, were serious night owls, often finding yourselves roaming about the house late at night together, watching tv, playing pool, or making love on any surface in Bo’s sight.

This night, you found yourself listening to the kitchen radio on a low volume while you and Bo lounged on the couch, seldom commenting on whatever the radio host was talking about.

After the host was done with his segment, the music resumed, playing an old, soft love song that you recognized.

You shot up from the couch and raced toward the kitchen. “Bo,” you said turning to him with a look of joy that twisted his insides. “I love this song! My Mama used to sing this to me every night when I was younger. Come dance with me!”

Bo wasn’t one to waltz around the house with his s/o to love songs, but the way you were looking at him with excitement and adoration in your eyes, how could he refuse? “Sure, darlin’.”

And that was how the two of you found yourselves gently swaying in the kitchen to a gentle lull that filled the small kitchen.

You head was rested against Bo’s shoulder and your arms were tangled around his neck, which meant you were flushed against his chest. Your scent was filling Bo’s nose and your love was filling his chest until he felt like he was about to burst.

Bo knew he loved you a long time before he had actually told you. Even though you had showed him time and time again that you were loyal to him and you would stick by him through thick and thin, he still had doubts in the back of his mind. He had led such a brutal and rugged life that he felt like someone as sweet and pure as you didn’t belong in his life. That one day you would up and leave and he would be left with nothing but a broken heart.

But something about this particular moment, something about how small you looked compared to him, something about this song and the pretty little night gown you were wearing and something about the way his heart was beating out of his chest made him whisper those three little words.

“I love you,” he whispered while his lips were pressed against your ear.

Bo allowed the fear of losing you to consume his body for just a split second before you lifted your head and gazed at him with a honied smile and eyes filled to the brim with love and infatuation before you rose on your tippy toes to kiss him sweetly.

“I love you too. So much.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt for "Close" or "Reforged": NMJ & Baxia goes to the Nie tombs to accompany someone. The spirits sensed a saberspeak translator FINALLY exists and traps them. Everyone thought the place hostile, but the sabers just want NMJ listen to their ramblings/demands/complaints/lectures... and also to do something about that "basketcase" saber spirit sealed further in. They're sick of listening to it! Do something, Nie descendant!

ao3

“Tell me something about yourself,” Lan Xichen said one day when he was a teenager, lying on his back in a field in the Cloud Recesses with his best friend in the whole world, excluding family. “Something secret.”

Nie Mingjue, lying beside him, hummed for a moment, thinking about it. “When I was a kid – about Wangji’s age now – I got stabbed in the stomach during a fight,” he said eventually. “Everyone thought I was going to die, and I mean they really thought it, but then I didn’t.”

“Wow,” Lan Xichen said, having meant something more along the lines of ‘a girl let me touch her chest behind the garden shed once’. “Everyone must have been very glad you were all right.”

“Mostly,” Nie Mingjue said, his voice and gaze distant. “Once they let me out.”

“Of your sickbed?”

Nie Mingjue blinked and shook his head as if to wake up. “Enough about me,” he said. “What about you? What’s your secret? Is it about that He sect girl and the shed again?”

“It was not,” Lan Xichen insisted, even though it totally had been. He was very proud of it. “I wasn’t thinking of anything in particular!”

-

When Nie Mingjue told Lan Xichen about his family’s curse, he didn’t actually tell him directly.

He brought him to a room, with tea and food set out, had him sit, and then vanished, sending Nie Zonghui to tell him instead. It was horrifying, of course, but in the same manner as the whole war they’d just endured had been horrifying – nothing that would make Nie Mingjue blush.

“Why didn’t he just tell me himself?” Lan Xichen asked, mostly because he couldn’t really be upset at Nie Mingjue for being in the process of slowly dying, even if that’s what he really wanted. “Did he think I wouldn’t be able to stand it or something?”

“Or something,” Nie Zonghui said. “It’s not about you, Zewu-jun. It’s about him.”

Lan Xichen frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s a sensitive subject for him,” Nie Zonghui said. “Especially the saber tombs – and after what happened when he was younger, I can’t really blame him.”

“When he was younger? What happened?”

“Did he never say? He said that he’d already told you: when he was young – eight or nine, I think – he was in a fight, and got stabbed…”

“Oh, yes, that,” Lan Xichen said. “I know about that…what does that have to do with cultivation?”

“It was his first fight carrying Baxia,” Nie Zonghui explained. “She wasn’t even fully forged, but he grabbed her out of the smithy and wielded her against those invaders.”

Nie Mingjue had not said anything about invaders.

“He saved the lives of several other children,” Nie Zonghui continued, and Nie Mingjue hadn’t said anything about that, either. “Shed his first blood on his blade – even took his first life, all the things that function as a marker of adulthood. Defeat evil, rescue the innocent, all that. So when they thought he was going to die, they decided to give him the honors of an adult.”

For some reason, that made something sink in Lan Xichen’s stomach.

“When you say honors…” he started.

“He was taken to the saber tombs,” Nie Zonghui said. “To die as his honored ancestors had.”

They must have been very sure that he would not live.

“But he didn’t die,” Lan Xichen said, and Nie Zonghui hesitated. “What are you not telling me?”

“Sect Leader Nie was left there to die alone, as is customary,” Nie Zonghui said. “When they returned after three days to collect his body for cremation, they found him still breathing, much to everyone’s surprise…after, there were rumors that he had died.”

“What? How? He’s walking around even now.”

“They thought he had been possessed,” Nie Zonghui explained. “By one of the saber spirits. It caused some trouble, later. Anyway, ever since then, he doesn’t talk about it directly – and nor should you.”

“But –”

“I think that’s enough of an explanation for now,” Nie Zonghui said firmly, and no matter how Lan Xichen entreated him, he said no more.

-

“Oh, sure, we have plenty of stories about saber spirit possession,” Nie Huaisang said when Lan Xichen asked in a roundabout fashion. “All sorts! I grew up on them, naturally. Temporary, permanent, through birth or misadventure – that one story about the generation of Nie women where everyone was female, whether born or misaligned –”

That did sound somewhat interesting, actually, but not exactly what Lan Xichen was looking for at the moment.

“What happens in cases of possession?” he asked, pretending to be casual. “You know, if someone thinks someone else is possessed – speaking generally, of course?”

“Generally?” Nie Huaisang frowned and tapped his fan against his lips. “I mean, in the case of temporary possession, you usually try to exorcise the spirit – usually through traditional means, like arrays or talismans or incantations, but sometimes if you think they’re trying to steal a human life permanently, through discomfort.”

“Discomfort?”

“Oh, you know. Excess exercise, denying food, hurting them. Show them that they’d rather not be human after all, that sort of thing.”

“…what if they’re wrong about the possession?” Lan Xichen asked, a cold chill going down his spine.

Nie Huaisang shrugged. “It’s supposed to be pretty obvious? Someone who has the strength of a guai instead of a human, who refuses to die when a normal person would, someone rigid and unyielding with barely any flexibility – more metal than human – unusually angry, full of bloodlust and an unquenchable desire to destroy evil –”

“That could describe your whole family tree, Huaisang,” Lan Xichen said. That could describe your brother.

“Sabers reflect their masters,” Nie Huaisang said cheerfully. “So it makes sense that it would, doesn’t it?”

“But –”

“Oh, don’t fuss, er-ge! I’m sure the elders wouldn’t just go around assuming someone’s secretly a saber for no reason,” Nie Huaisang said. “Now, let me tell you about the generation of women story – it’s one of my favorites –”

-

“Da-ge refused to let me play for him again,” Jin Guangyao commented, and Lan Xichen frowned.

He wasn’t an idiot – he knew how bad the relationship between his two sworn brothers was – but although he’d hoped that this would help repair some aspects of that, his primary goal with the Song of Clarity was to improve Nie Mingjue’s health.

(Sabers could suffer from qi deviations, too. Not that Nie Mingjue was possessed by a saber or anything.)

“Did he say why?” Lan Xichen asked.

“He was busy this week,” Jin Guangyao said mournfully. “Visiting his family tombs, apparently.”

Lan Xichen blinked. “The – Nie family tombs?”

Jin Guangyao had been speaking casually, clearly thinking of it as some excuse meant to fob him off, but perhaps there was something about Lan Xichen’s face that caught his interest. “Yes, he said there was some issue there that he had to deal with personally. Is there something the matter with that?”

“No,” Lan Xichen said, and then frowned. “At least, I don’t think so? I’ll speak with him about not skipping more sessions, A-Yao; don’t worry.”

He excused himself shortly thereafter and went to Qinghe on the first possible excuse.

“Where’s your sect leader?” he asked one of the guards.

Their frozen expression said everything he needed to know.

-

“Xichen?” Nie Mingjue said, blinking at him. “Is that you?”

“No, it’s Wangji,” Lan Xichen said. “Of course it’s me!”

“I meant that more in the ‘what are you doing in my family tombs’ sense,” Nie Mingjue said.

Lan Xichen allowed that that was a fair question. A better one, however…

“What are you doing in your family’s tombs?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “If the Song of Clarity isn’t working, we can try something else!”

“Xichen –”

“It is far, far too early for you to even think of coming down here –”

“Xichen –”

“And may I say, that’s a barbaric tradition anyway, I don’t care if your ancestors did it, locking up a child is just –”

“Xichen.”

Lan Xichen stopped.

Nie Mingjue was rubbing the back of his head, and his cheeks were red. “I heard a rumor that one of the old masterless sabers got loose,” he said. “I was just checking it out. I wasn’t coming here to – to reside.”

“…oh,” Lan Xichen said, and felt rather stupid. And then, trying to change the subject, he said, “How’d you hear about the saber getting loose? I thought no one came here unless there was a death.”

“Oh, the sabers told me,” Nie Mingjue said.

“Oh, I guess…wait. What?”

-

“So you…hear them,” Lan Xichen said. They were seated on the foot of one of the statues guarding the tombs, which was a bit rude but Nie Mingjue didn’t seem to mind and they were, after all, his ancestors. “The saber spirits.”

“Since I was child, yes,” Nie Mingjue confirmed.

“And you don’t think this is – odd?”

Nie Mingjue shrugged. “They gave me spiritual energy so that I could survive. It left a mark, I think.”

Lan Xichen nodded.

He tried to figure out how to phrase his next question.

“I’m fairly certain I am not a saber spirit possessing a human corpse.”

“Oh, good,” Lan Xichen sighed. “I had no idea how to ask.”

Nie Mingjue knocked their shoulders together. “You can always just ask. I’m your friend. Corpse or not.”

“Please don’t make jokes about that,” Lan Xichen said mournfully, even if it was a little funny. “I’d miss you if you were a corpse.”

“Well, depending on the state of the corpse…”

Lan Xichen snickered, even though he really didn’t mean to. It wasn’t actually funny.

-

“So is it just sabers?”

“Not always. Why? You want to know what Shuoyue thinks of you?”

Lan Xichen stared at him. “Can you?”

“Either directly or indirectly,” Nie Mingjue said. “Even if the weapon doesn’t want to talk to me directly, they usually don’t have a choice when Baxia is pushing them.”

“…do swords have a lot to say?”

“Not as much as saber spirits. But more than you might think.”

“What does she think of me, then?”

“She likes you. You’re good to her. Except when you wield her overhead because you keep tensing a muscle in your back that makes the strike a little wonky, so she’d prefer you stick with forward thrusts or low cuts until you get that fixed.”

Lan Xichen started laughing.

-

“If I die outside, make sure I’m brought here,” Nie Mingjue said. “I think I’d enjoy the company.”

“I’ll make sure of it,” Lan Xichen promised, and he meant it, too. “I promise.”

[delu-jean]

Hey! For your event can I have giyuu or rengoku for 45? That’s one of my favorite songs 💕. (female reader)

𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐕𝐢𝐞𝐰

Giyuu x (fem!/reader) -> Fluff -> 1.2k 

Lyrical Prompt: -> “I want to love me, the way that you love me. Oh, from all of my pretty, and all of my ugly too, I love it when I see me from your point of view,” POV (Ariana Grande)

(Regarding Lyrics): If bolded and slanted (eg: you), they’re lyrics being said. If not (eg: you), then they’re just lyrics/text! 

Notes: 

-> I wanted to do Rengoku originally, but Giyuu was running though my minddd~

-> Thank you for requesting for the event! If you would like to request, please press the hyper link for the “100 Followers Event,” and read the rules! Thanks, and enjoy!! ^^ 

You stared at Giyuu as he glanced out the window. Such a calm, and reserved young man. One of which you adored. He was just so perfect in every aspect. From his stance, the way he spoke, the way his eyes lit, to the way his hands were placed. He truly was a piece of art, one of the more rarer pieces that was showcased to you (luckily). And not only was his presence a gift, but his affection also. 

Giyuu has always handled you with care. Treating you the utmost best he could, even with his duties, and own life in the way. For him, how could he not? You were an extraordinary person. One of which he never dreamed of meeting until you appeared...right in front of him. Speaking of your meeting, it was one he would never forget. 

It's like you got superpowers

Turn my minutes into hours 

At that moment, everything seemed to have stood still. It truly felt like a spell was cast as the word “hello” had escaped from your lips. He was awe stricken. From the way your hand had waved, to the way your hair had swayed. All of you had captivated him, and for once, did time stop. Making that small amount of time feel like an eternity. One of which he hoped would extend, and hopefully, become something more. 

Fortunately for him, that’s exactly what happened. As the more time passed, the more he had fallen for you. Not only did the beauty in your appearance hook him, but so did the compassion in your heart. 

The kindness, selflessness, and passion it held for others, was something astonishing. Something he hadn’t seen in a while, especially in the field of demon slaying. Even when you took the lives of demons, just like Tanjirou, you also felt sympathetic for those beings. Yet instead of wallowing about their tragedy, you instead showed them the better of it. Some listened, and others couldn’t because the pain was too much to bear. Regardless, you did your best to show your intention through your actions. 

Executing each and everyone of them, with grace at the slash of your blade. Not only did you do your best to understand them, but you also did your best to understand others. Though it was a challenge for some people, it felt natural for you to explore more about Giyuu. Not only that, but he felt at ease when you opened closed doors which he had shut. Finding the knob to each individually, ready to repair the damage done. 

 Made of glass the way you see through me

He felt so transparent when the both of you talked. As if he was an opened book especially reserved for you. Though you thought your talent was nothing special, he found it to be an impressive accomplishment. He hadn’t opened up to anyone after the late passing of Sabitou, and his sister. Even so, there he was...with you. Telling you the littlest details which he hadn’t known he knew, and yet, it seemed that you knew more about him then he knew himself. 

So much that you could have elaborated his thoughts, memories, stories, and over all, read him to the bare of his soul. Understanding his feelings, along with his own mindset. Seeing as to why he acted a certain way, and the hurt that also tagged with the path of his choices. Though you hadn’t known him much, it seemed like you already knew him in and out. Which made him think: 

‘You know me better than I do’ and that he couldn’t seem to keep nothing from you.

In truth, Giyuu was scared. Scared that after revealing who he was, that something was bound to happen. Not to him, but to you. It seemed to be a cycle which he was stuck in. After letting someone in, they would make their way out...but in the utmost cruel, and gruesome of ways. Even so, when he attempted to let you go, you’d always come back. Re-entering his life as you wanted to know him more, and so did he want to know you. 

It made your interactions special, heartwarming, and even heart wrenching at times. All of those small, big, and silly moments which the both of you shared, brought him one step closer to you, and the gracious person you were. 

Over the years you had spent with Giyuu, you took note of who he was as a person. Not only that, but who he saw you were as an individual. You saw his efforts that came to play. Ones which were ever so considerate. Though he was timid and quiet at first, the more time you spent with him, not only did he open his mind, but his heart as well. 

I wanna love me (ooh) 

The way that you love me (ooh) 

Opening his arms to envelope you in the warmest of hugs, showing you how much he appreciated your talks, and showering you in the utmost affection. He truly did love you, and held you to the highest of his priority. Although there were times where you had doubted yourself, had disliked parts of you, or just weren’t having the best time with who you were, his actions would remind you of the self-worth you had. Not only that, but the love he also had. Love that was handmade, and tailored just for you. 

Ooh, for all of my pretty

And all of my ugly too

He adored you no matter what. From the days where your confidence had reached the roof, to the moments where it hadn’t so much, he made sure to show his appreciation. Cheering you up, or cheering you on, though not in the most loudest way, it was done the way he sought best. Knowing that it would lighten you up no matter what. He loved seeing a smile painted on your face. A structure with the softest, and pinkest lips, along with a majestic grin. One of which he had oozed over, and would smile with himself. 

Regarding arguments with you, no matter who came first after a fight, you both would make it up to each other. For him, personally, he would hold you in the moment. Letting you know that he was both sorry, and there for you. No matter what would had happened, and no matter what was yet to come. For all he knew, losing you was an option left in your hands, and knowing that, he did all he could to cling onto you. Knowing that you would do the same since that’s just who you were. 

A beautiful lady who would stand beside him, no matter thick or thin. You were there for him, ready to love him just as much as he adored you. Just one of the few things he admired about you. 

Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do

It was true, nobody had ever loved you the way Giyuu had. Though your love wasn’t the most vocal, it was definitely the most precious. His perspective of you was one he held very dear to himself. He made it clear, and would continuously do so. 

All of that was seen from his actions alone. If his actions were that expressive, just imagine what his thoughts had held. Yes you were able to read him, but only Giyuu truly knew the way he thought...along with his affection for you. Knowing that sometimes made you think: 

‘I'd love to see me from your point of view.’

[kithtaehyung]

soo i wasn’t going to submit any feedback on 3tan, i was just going to leave that until a little later on in the series but i saw your little note at the end of the latest chapter and thought it couldn’t hurt to do it now. i usually like to give my praises in ask boxes, i really don’t know why it just turned into smth i do.

WHERE DO I START? I LITERALLY LOVE THIS SERIES SOSO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. i keep 3tan soso close to my heart. it’s one of my favorite fics i’ve read on this app and undoubtedly my favorite yoongi fic. i think your characterization of yoongi in this fic is just so heartwarming and endearing. i usually have a hard time getting into yoongi fics bcs i feel like it’s always too hard to imagine yoongi in some of the personas he’s put in, BUT THIS??! ITS PERFECTION. it’s close enough to yoongi that it’s not hard to picture him being like this and i feel like this just embodies how hot and irresistible he really is.

moving on to the latest chapter, i loved it so much. i love how yoongi encourages oc to share her thoughts with him so much that she now knows not shy away from telling him things. it just makes the communication between them so strong and also makes this so much more enjoyable to read. usually fics in these type of tropes are literally centered around miscommunication, so this is such a breath of fresh air. you captured all the fears and doubts of being in a situationship like this so well. i was able to empathize with the oc easily and it was almost like her pain was radiating off of my screen. also this couple is so cute together i cry 🥺😖 . THE WAY YOONGI GOES SO SOFT FOR HER OMG?!! it’s so cute to see (or read ig). he’s so attentive and he cares for her so tenderly and you can tell that he treats her differently than he would if it was anyone else. oc can’t really see it yet but he’s really into her, and if there wasn’t the obstacle of her brother i’m sure it would be even more evident. also i loved the pov switch and being able to see yoongis perspective . it really solidified how he feels about her and helped aid readers to feel that he’s very much in pain of having to end the routine of constantly seeing oc and having to get back to reality in the end, because even if you can’t read what he’s feeling you can feel it through his words and actions.

overall the greatness of this fic all comes down to you and how well you wrote this. you are amazing, you convey your characters and their emotions perfectly, the plot is interesting, you add details that just contribute so much more meaning to the story and the characters. the little ‘filler’ drabbles did not feel like fillers i felt like they just created depth to all aspects of this fic so that when you read longer parts, you can notice the little things better and just see a bigger picture. you’re really just genius that’s what it is. i also enjoyed your playlists so much too like your taste is absolutely exquisite. it’s rare for me to like fic playlists cause some of the songs don’t sit well w my music taste but i didn’t even have to try to get used to yours it was just perfect. the one you made inspired by yoongi was so on point, it was literally like you put him in a playlist generator and it made yoongi in playlist form. i don’t even know if that makes any sense but either way you did that.

lastly, i just wanna say thank you so much for writing this. i would imagine doing this takes so much hard work and precision and the fact that you’re taking the time to do this for us and for free at that, is such a big deal. you deserve all the appreciation for all that you do because this is far from easy. thinking of intricate plot lines and characters, and being able to make this stories linear and structured like this is so. so difficult and yet you were able to do it flawlessly. i really applaud you for that and i’ll be here just cheering you on with your journey of writing this fic because you deserve it. im wishing you good luck with all future chapters, make sure you take all the time you need and look out for yourself and your mental and physical health because that’s most important and should always be prioritized. thanks much, and have the best day :)

rip this was such a long review especially to leave in an ask box im saurr sawwryy 😩😭

oh my god. @galactichoneyy when i tell you i read this 25 times and counting, i honestly think i'm lowballing it. it's literally taken me an entire week to compose a response i deem appropriate for something as heartfelt and thoughtful and beautiful as this. seriously, thank you so incredibly much.. even now, typing this, i feel like anything i say won't be good enough.

for one, thank you for even saying something. i don't know if you know how important this is, but messages like this are what i will go back and read when i'm feeling insecure about my writing or unsure if i should continue at all. that's how impactful words like this are.

second, i'm so glad that you love this yoongi. i do, too, and probably more than i can express in words or language. to say that he's close to the yoongi that we are used to seeing? i'm dang honored, truly. i also keep this series to my heart and love every single person in this story. what's more, i love when y'all add your own color and personality to it, too, with all the messages and theories and discussions. idk but it is deeper than love at this point.

as far as the chapter commentary: i love every single thing you said?? wOW. your mind! you caught on to reader's growth so quick and how she's opening up faster and shutting down her overthinking faster, too. their communication in this chapter was amazing, which is a testament to how they could work bc they were together pretty much the entire chapter and there was almost zero (ZERO!!) miscommunication. will it be perfect all the time? no. but will all of it be human? i am working hard to be sure that it is.

and the fears and doubts.. whew. they were certainly present, especially given everything that went down in this chapter. and yoongi going soft for her? i cry.. you're so right. he treats her differently and, even though his inner dialogue shows restraint, his actions don't a lot of the time. inner conflict is the source of angst for yoongi, which a lot of people were wanting (to which i warned: you don't know what you're asking for LOL)

but wow.. thank you so much for the kind words about the writing itself. you said so many wonderful things that i'm kinda just sitting here and reading them instead of responding LMAO i don't know what the hell to say!! i guess i'll just say that i feel so deeply for this story, these characters, this journey in general. so anything i'm feeling is what i'm writing, alongside all the real life reminders and messages i'm hoping i am conveying to anyone that reads it.

maybe that's what three tangerines really is in the end: a love letter from me to you.

WAITTT AHHH the playlists get a shoutout, too?! you are way too kind what the hell! yoongi's was so fun to create and your comments on it are turning me into complete MUSH LOL i'll just be on the floor now.

god. your entire last paragraph just makes me tear up YOU ARE SO AMAZING?? i am taking time and energy out of my days to create this for y'all but honestly.. you all make it worth it. seriously. yes, there are some messages that make me feel like i'm seen as just a writing machine but, for the most part, y'all have been more than kind and supportive and i think about y'all more times that i would like to admit. i'll be sure to rest where i can, because there is so much more to come and i can't wait to share more of the 3tan story with you all. you don't have to apologize for the size of this review because i think i'll legit save it for safekeeping<33 thank you. seriously.

[love-takes-work]

Live on Instagram, Rebecca Sugar and Ben Levin (with help from Ian Jones-Quartey) have given us a two-hour fundraiser to benefit the Trevor Project, in honor of Bi+ Awareness Week.

It was a lovely evening hanging out with them. Please see below for a little breakdown of what songs they played and what was discussed during the stream in terms of bi+ youth resources, Rebecca’s experiences, and the importance of having support for bi+ people.

Please go to The Trevor Project and learn more about what they do and how you can help. Their Resources for Bi+ Youth packet is available on the site! You can also donate through Rebecca’s specific fundraiser.

More below:

Rebecca announces this event is for Bi+ Awareness week for the Trevor Project. Ian Jones-Quartey is giving some help with the fundraiser in the background.

First Rebecca plays "Love Like You" on guitar. It's a lovely stripped down version. They're a little bashful about making a couple glitches on the guitar. It's very sweet and charming, Rebecca, no one minds. :)

Next Ben Levin joins on bass and they play "Fries," a longer version than was in the Adventure Time show.

Then Rebecca talks about the Trevor Project and its suicide hotline that they provide for the LGBTQIA+ youth they support. After some tech glitches, they discuss how great Trevor is and what resources and research they provide on why it's so important to support these communities. Since this is Bi+ Awareness Week, they have put together a resource guide. They encourage us to donate to this organization.

Rebecca discusses Ben Levin's involvement on Steven Universe and Craig of the Creek. They decide to play Jeff Rosenstock's song "Illegal Fireworks and Hiding Bottles in the Sand" as a mashup with the Craig of the Creek ending song.

Then they give an update on the donation amounts and Rebecca gets so excited about the support. They admit to being really nervous after no performances for so long.

Rebecca decides to play a solo song and doesn't announce the title at first but Steven Universe fans all know "Escapism." It's a slightly different version with some great guitar additions in an added interlude, and they even throw in some fun super-high squeaky notes at the end.

They give a shoutout to Jeff Liu for the beautiful guitar part. They tell a story about Adam Muto (who worked on "Escapism" with Joe and was Rebecca's board partner on Adventure Time), and how he asked Rebecca to write a song for the Adventure Time finale. Rebecca goes on to play "Time Adventure."

Then they bring Ben back to do the bass while Rebecca sings "I'm Just Your Problem." Rebecca does a cool guitar solo in the middle while Ben rocks on the bass.

Then they do a nice little instrument switch and bring in the omnichord and set up "True Kinda Love." They shout out Chance the Rapper, aivi and surasshu, and of course Estelle for the help writing this song.

Rebecca gets excited again about the amount of people who have donated and gives us info about the hotline for the Trevor Project, how their hotline is available for phone, chat, and text. They also point out the existence of Trevor Project's available pamphlet, which can help people understand their Bi+ friends and family, as well as helping actually Bi+ people understand how they can expect to be treated, how to understand themselves, and that they aren't defined by their partner.

Rebecca then takes a moment to set up with an acoustic guitar (so they can have their foot on a box since they don't have a strap) and they cut out briefly to get it organized. Then they do indeed come back with their foot on box.

With a shoutout to Kate Micucci (who is watching on Instagram Live), Rebecca says she will play "a Lars and Sadie song" that she's figuring out on guitar, and plays "Be Wherever You Are."

Rebecca goes back to getting excited about the donation amount and they can't believe it's as high as it is with the concert less than half over! They say they'd like to make a tradition of doing a Bi+ Awareness Week fundraiser every year. She didn't have access to information that Trevor is now providing to bi youth when she was growing up in the 2000s, and thinks their resources are so vital. She suggests using their resources yourself or that you slip the resources to people in your life who want to support (or need to know more about how to support) bi youth.

Rebecca says they're about to play a "really really hard" song that they're nevertheless excited to go for. They said maybe we can guess what it is. They shout out Nick DeMayo, who's in the audience, the animation director of Steven Universe who is Greg's namesake and taught them a lot about music. And then they jump into . . . a guitar and bass version of "Other Friends"!

They shout out aivi and surasshu, Jeff Liu, and Sarah Stiles for all their contributions to that song, and how cool it is to play a "campfire version" of the song even though it's different.

Next, she wants to play a solo (but will need Ben again right after!) but takes a moment to thank everyone in attendance for supporting the stream and the Trevor Project. They say "thank you for bearing with me" regarding the performance rockiness. 

They talk about Marceline and how they felt so connected to this character--writing episodes like "What Was Missing" where Marceline would be revealed to have had a relationship with Bubblegum and be known to be a bi character, and Rebecca felt so astonished that the audience understood Marceline was bi and understood she would always be bi, not fluctuating in orientation based on current relationships defining her. Rebecca explored this about herself only after she saw it explored with Marceline, and understood it was so important to have media that helps people understand who a bi person might be. She never related to the "party person" or extrovert stereotype of bi people as they’re usually shown in media, and thought as a nerdy person who was shy, she couldn't be bi if that was true. Cartoons helped her connect with people who understood those things about Marceline and eventually about herself. 

Trevor is so important as an organization to help the next generation understand all of this. Rebecca has felt that knowing herself wasn't possible if she didn't understand her bisexuality or accept it as what it is, and it spread instability throughout the rest of her life. What brought her to finally being able to process and understand this aspect of her identity was cartoons, and she hopes cartoons can bring some others in as well. With that, she brings out the song she was asked to write for Marceline even though she had left the show. Rebecca plays "Everything Stays."

Rebecca then says they were a little conflicted about whether they were going to say all that stuff, about why this issue is personal to them. (It's okay, Rebecca, this is the best!!!) 

She says that song was about her stuffed black rabbit that was her favorite toy that she thought she loved so much, but she forgot it in the garden and it was damaged. That it was so surprising to her that she could have loved this rabbit the way she did and not realize it was missing, and that it could change without her. "Everything Stays" was obviously about that, but she also says the situation with Spinel was inspired by the same toy. She switches to electric guitar to sing and play "Drift Away" with Ben back on board on bass.

They point out that they're rocketing through the set list and Ian suggests maybe they'll have to do some encores. In thinking about what songs to play, they point out that so many songs were written about their mental health journey and coming out to family and friends. A song that was "at the end of that whole arc" for Rebecca was "Change Your Mind." It can go on forever, they point out, but they'll only play it a few times. On we go with a really smooth guitar version of "Change Your Mind." (It's the extended looping version.)

They announce that now with the Instagram contributions and the landing page we've reached the goal of $20,000, and they can't believe it's at the halfway point of the stream and we have already reached it despite that the show's been done for a long time and they "broke a lot of social media rules" by stepping away for so long, but that's been crucial to their mental health and their journey.

After they come back from a break, they discuss some funny artifacts that they finally got to take home that were left in the office--a Steven Universe piñata that they were supposed to smash in celebration of a pickup and they didn't want to because, you know, hitting a representation of their younger brother is kinda wack? Haha. 

They also had a model of Marceline's bass. 

These items were left in the office and just kind of frozen in time because Rebecca's last day (written on the white board, still, when they returned!) was March 13, 2020, just as the pandemic was coming down. Returning to collect stuff was like visiting a room that had been frozen in time!

Rebecca offers a stretch goal to get to $30,000 instead of the original $20,000, and talks a little more about the Trevor Project, discussing how important representation has been, to have bi representation in terms of DIRECT support for LGBTQ+ youth. What they've gotten to do with cartoon representation, having queer characters who can just have fun the way heteronormative kids can and see representatives of themselves is great, but these specific resources are also so important.

Rebecca then plays "Heart of the Country," a Paul McCartney song they're learning that has a hard solo they hope they'll nail. After playing it, they say they flubbed some of it but it was super fun.

Rebecca comes out with an old ukulele--older than the one they wrote the Steven theme song on and auctioned off for National Bailout--that they wrote a bunch of Adventure Time songs and got as a Hanukkah present. (They mention happy 5782 for those of us who celebrate Rosh Hashanah.) Ben is also using his first bass! They recommend musical instruments as gifts for bi people because those are the gifts that keep on giving! They mention working on guitar during the lockdown (which has been therapeutic!) and not having played uke in a while because of that. With that, she dives into "Here Comes a Thought."

They decide to talk about the background of "Mindful Education," how they were coming out at the time they were writing that episode and song. They said coming out was like having the ground spin around. They thought mindful meditation, being so wonderful and helpful, could become an 11-minute episode where Steven leads kids in mindful meditation. With help from Ben (and Matt Burnett), Rebecca realized it would work better if they show characters benefiting from the lessons. They have a little joke about how the episode number was 108 and they prided themselves on knowing the episode numbers. Then they put aside the uke and pick up a big black guitar to play "Found."

After this, she talks more about Trevor Project's hotline, chat, text, and resources. They remind us that bi+ people experience very specific forms of marginalization and this organization can help everyone who wants to understand. She thanks everyone for helping with donations and she can't believe the Instagram fundraiser has gotten to $10,000. She's amazed that "the thermometer is bursting" and promises to draw it later. Ben thinks he could be part of future fundraisers and Rebecca reminisces about times they've played together, like in 2016 at SDCC and a Gallery Nucleus show.

Rebecca goes back to the other guitar to do some audience requests for repeat songs and talks about the song "Fries." The story behind this one, when she was writing it--the first song she wrote for television and the first episode she boarded--since she was introverted and struggled with pitching, she went on the roof of Cartoon Network to practice being louder until she was actually audible. Ian helped.

They decide to do the ending Craig song again and Ben says Jeff Rosenstock's song is really nice and Rebecca talks about getting teary over the Craig ending with people sitting around the dinner table. Rebecca's favorite line is "speaking in a stupid secret language." She feels like she still hasn't moved on from that in her life and likes to surround herself with people who speak that language. After it's over, Rebecca says hi to Jeff Rosenstock in the chat.

They do more shoutouts for the Trevor Project and then discuss encore songs. Rebecca decides to do "Love Like You" again because they were sad they messed up a chord during the first performance. It's another lovely version.

After more great discussion of the Trevor Project's resources and Bi+ Awareness Week, Rebecca says hi to her Brazilian friends and how awesome it was to visit there for a convention, and she loves that Trevor is trying to expand resources to be more global. She knows how important those resources would be to help people worldwide. She thanks people for coming out to see her, and admits to being surprised that her life has come to include actual performances since she always thought she'd just be behind a desk as an animator. She gets very nervous about performing but loves that people support her. They love being able to perform and once got a sweet comment from John DiMaggio (the voice of Jake on Adventure Time) who would hear the early demos that were a struggle to be audible, and he told her that she's come so far that it now sounds like she enjoys performing, enjoys the sound of her own voice now. She feels that coming out and all the support from friends, family, and organizations has made that confidence and comfort with herself possible.

With that, Rebecca plays the Steven Universe theme song on guitar!

And then, they play "Time Adventure" again.

Rebecca talks more about the astounding amount of support for Bi+ Awareness Week, how moving it is and how hard it is to hold it together while talking about what it was like to be an adult who didn't know if they were even allowed to be bisexual and nonbinary, how much of their adult life was in such a quagmire over not knowing fully who they were.

For their next to last song, they play a song written by aivi and surasshu with lyrics by Rebecca: "Being Human" from the ending theme of Steven Universe Future.

Finally, Rebecca says thank you to everyone who's been involved in the songs--the performers, aivi and surasshu, Jeff Ball, the Crew, Ben Levin, Ian Jones-Quartey--and everyone who's helped raise over $11,000 just through the Instagram concert. She plays "Change Your Mind" one more time, adding that the journey is ongoing even though this song was written at a time she considers at the end of an arc of self-discovery for her.

Thank you!

(Yes, I did a donation.)

Links:

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/how-to-support-bisexual-youth/

[something-tofightfor]

The ABC’s of Ezra (Prospect)

I am absolutely terrified to post this, first of all. But @the-blind-assassin-12 has been absolutely enabling me the entire time that I’ve been working on it. 

It’s long. It’s explicit. It’s thorough. It’s Ezra. The emotions that I feel for this man are overwhelming, and I wanted to do right by him and expand his backstory and my take on the character before I even begin to work on the accompanying story ... but this is the Ezra you’ll get to know when you read the series “Starlight” that I’m working on currently.  Please enjoy. Start to fall in love with him the same way I did the first time I saw his smirk through that suit’s helmet, or the first time Reader did when she watched him take the podium in her lecture. 

You won’t regret it. 

** I’m working on a playlist that will accompany this and Starlight. Look for it within the next couple days. ** (always accepting songs to add. Just let me know if you have any suggestions!)

Rating: NSFW. This is not for anyone under 18. 

Pairing: Ezra x Reader-insert character (Starlight Universe; female)

Word Count: 12,892 (And I won’t apologize for a single one of them.)

Author’s Note: A lot of these will be two part answers - before the Green Moon, and after the time Ezra spent away from his ‘home’ planet. 

I HC that while he isn’t from the Ephrate, that’s where he spent the majority of his adult life - and where he met you, at a university on-planet… so he considers it home, and it was always his goal to return when he was done with his prospecting years. 

I know that after reading this, you’ll probably have a lot more questions about my version of Ezra that weren’t answered here - hopefully, I’ll be able to answer them moving forward. Send away if you want to know! 

Most of these tend to lean on the highly smutty side, but there are a few that include much more generalized personality traits.

(shitty blonde streak editing and enhancement done to this picture by me, myself and I)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

 Just looking at him, you’d think that Ezra wouldn’t like hanging around after sex, but the exact opposite is true. 

 Ezra loves to lay with you. Sometimes, he’ll wrap an arm around you,lips traveling over any area of exposed skin he can find with them. He’s partial to your shoulders, no matter whether he’s got his chest pressed to your back, or you’re facing each other. Ezra’s a very tactile man, and loves to keep the connection going even after the actual act is done. You quickly learned that for him, sex was not the most important aspect of the relationship, even though it was one of his favorites.

 One of the things that kept you company - even while he was gone - was the memory of the hours you spent in bed together; day or night, winter or summer - with him right there, skin warm against yours, the sheets tinged with the scent of the two of you together and the sound of your voices mixing together as you spoke.

 But it wasn’t just the man’s lingering presence that you enjoyed, it was the things you talked about after sex that made you realize that you loved him. He’d take care of you, and then ensure that the two of you were cleaned up “to his satisfaction” (the line always delivered with a smirk and one raised eyebrow) and then you’d lay with each other until you fell asleep, talking about everything but your relationship. He wanted to learn about you - and wanted you to learn about him, to find out about the things that you had in common, and even though he tried to hide it a lot of the time, Ezra was downright vulnerable in bed, and unafraid to show that side of himself to you, even after he returned home for the last time. 

 B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

 Ezra’s favorite thing about himself is the way he thinks, so… his mind. And it’s been that way for as long as he can remember. Does that sound conceited? Yes. Does he care? No. 

 Education is appealing to him - he likes knowing things. He likes knowing that he’s the smartest person in the room (as long as you’re not there) and knowing that if there’s an answer for it  (whatever it is)… he can find it. And he will. Education - being capable and understanding things - was always the most important task to him, even growing up, and he doesn’t take the opportunity to learn for granted. He retains information very well - and not just academic information, either. He knows what to look for when it comes to your body, what each facial expression you make means, what you’re going to do when you put your hands on him… and even sometimes before, too. 

 His favorite part of you? Your mouth. Specifically, your lips and the way they look when you’re smiling at him. You could be smiling at anyone, saying their name, teeth digging into the corner of your lip while you listen to them … and yet you’re choosing to look at him. 

 He remembers the way they felt the first time you kissed him, remembers the way they moved the first time you told him that you loved him, and the way that they parted - your jaw dropping as you saw him standing in front of you all those years later is burned into his brain forever. And he also doesn’t mind one bit when they’re wrapped around him or exploring the scarred skin of his body, giving every inch of him the attention that he deserves - and everything that he craved while stranded on The Green Moon. 

 (No one asked for this but I’m also going to talk about what your favorite part of him is) 

 It’s his eyes, and the way they catch the light. The way that you can see him in them, even when he’s looking at or talking to someone else. It’s the way that no matter how hard he tries to keep his expression even, he can’t keep the emotion out of his eyes - so dark and emotivr that it’s hard to believe they’re natural. You always know whether or not he’s lying based on the look in them, and it was one of the first things you told him that truly surprised him. Why? 

 Ezra’s a smooth talker - and because he’s so used to being able to talk his way into and out of everything, people are much more focused on what he’s saying than how he looks or what he’s doing while he’s saying it - and that’s what he counts on. He isn’t used to people taking him seriously right off the bat, or paying close attention to anything but what they hear - and Kevva knows that it scared the shit out of you to be so bold with him, especially when you didn’t know him well. 

 But you did. And it earned you his respect immediately. So whenever Ezra has something important to tell you, he does so while looking directly at you. He doesn’t give a fuck what other people see or think, but he needs you to know that he’s telling you the truth - or at least as much of the truth as he can. 

 You’re also very partial to the streak of blonde in his hair; and when you’re relaxing with him, your fingers - particularly your thumb - always seem to find it. In fact, when you saw him again, it was what convinced you that it was actually him in the first place, and not your mind playing tricks on you with a lookalike (as if there could be anyone else in the galaxy that looked like Ezra. 

 … and, you love his hands. Both of them, one of them - doesn’t matter, because you know that as long as it’s possible, when they’re on your body? Ezra’s going to use them well. 

 C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

 When you first started seeing (and sleeping with) Ezra, things weren’t messy, because you used protection. If you ask him, Ezra liked those days a lot, because it meant that as soon as you finished, the two of you could stay in bed instead of one or both of you needing to get up and head into the bathroom. You were both “safe”, choosing to rely on the implant provided to all students at the University if they asked for it, but since there was no expectation of a long term relationship when you went to bed together, you opted for an additional safeguard in the beginning - at Ezra’s suggestion. 

 ‘I do believe that it would be in both of our best interests to…” He trailed off, gesturing to the on-campus pharmacy. “... ensure a certain level of additional protection.” 

 “You don’t trust me?” His eyebrows shot up, a look of worry filling his eyes. “No, you know what? That shouldn’t even be my first question to you, Ezra.” You chewed on your lip, fighting back a grin. It was usually you urging your partners in that direction, and Ezra’s solution had been a surprise. “What makes you think that we’re going to end up in bed together? Why would we need -” 

 He stepped closer, reaching up with his hand - the one that had the tattoo inked into the webbing between his thumb and first finger - to brush the hair away from your brow, eyes never leaving yours. “You will need to learn something about me.” He tilted his head slightly to the side, leaning in. “I am always prepared. And with you?” He paused, the sunlight turning his eyes into molten amber; flecks of gold visible in their depths. “It is an ineluctable fact that your bed is where I want to end up. I’m just … getting to the point.” 

 But later, after you’d been together for long enough to truly trust the implants and their success rate, that wasn’t the case anymore. While neither of you have an issue or any real complaints about remaining in bed, damp and sticky against the sheets when you’ve finished with each other, Ezra relishes the time he gets to spend eyeing every inch of you, running a damp cloth over your skin or between your legs - and enjoys when you clean him up just as much. 

 However. The times you use your mouth to do so? Ezra’s eyes roll back, and he thanks Kevva over and over the entire time. 

 D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

 Ezra’s secret is the same both before and after the Green, and while he thinks about it often, it’s most prevalently on his mind when you’re laying next to him, hair spread out on the pillows in the low light. He doesn’t believe he’s good enough for you. Before, it was because he couldn’t provide for you in a way that he believes he should be able to, but after? It’s because without his arm, this is still the case - but it’s coupled with the memories of everything he did on the Green - and why he did it. Technically, this has nothing to do with sex… and yet everything to do with sex at the same time. There’s nothing that makes him feel better - more alive, more present than being with you physically, seeing and feeling your hands on each other … and yet it’s tainted in a way that he can’t explain. As much as Ezra talks out loud, he gets lost in his head, too, and when that happens? It’s hard to bring himself back.

 He wanted to do right by you, and after taking the opportunity - going to the Green, spending years apart from you and then coming back and finding you again, part of him thinks that it was the wrong call. And yet he still can’t tell himself no when you give him that smile or say his name quietly, the a catching on your lips and making his heart thump in his chest in a way that it never has for anyone else before. 

 And he hates himself for being so weak. For all of the terrible things that Ezra’s done in his life - all of the strength he showed while prospecting, all of his common sense, all of his experience? When it comes to you (and, in a way, to Cee) he feels as weak and helpless as he did the moment he realized he’d need to lose an arm to have any hope of surviving. 

 E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

 Ezra’s had his fair share of partners, but only one or two of them were actual relationships. There was the experimentation as a teenager - kisses shared behind closed doors, hands fumbling with clothing (over and beneath it), promises made … the usual.

But after leaving home to go to school, Ezra really hit his stride with women. He always considered himself average - average height, average build, average looks - but it didn’t take him long to realize that that wasn’t what others saw him as - and he’s made the most of it. Learning is important to Ezra, and that doesn’t just mean when it comes to books or artifacts. He focused on studying, focused on getting an education so that he could get a good job after graduating, but he always made time for extracurricular activity, and had plenty of partners to choose from.

 With women from all over the galaxy, Ezra was a willing student, patient and focused, taking mental notes - showing off what he’d learned previously and finding the best possible uses for his knowledge. He likes to show off, likes to boast about what he’s learned in the past… and opportunities for practical use of his bedroom skills? He’ll take  them. 

 But don’t confuse his eagerness to learn with him being sleazy; he respected every partner he ever had, and never made them feel like he was using them or didn’t appreciate them when he was with them. Ezra doesn’t like making promises that he can’t keep, and that extends even to one night stands. 

 The more he knew and learned, the better, but that all stopped the first time he took you to bed, because he quickly realized that there was little - if anything - that could be better than what you’d showed him. It wasn’t you that asked him to stay for the first time - it was him making the request of you, and as the words - haltingly - came out of his mouth, his fingertips moving slowly over your brow and temple as he faced you in bed, he knew that he was absolutely fucked in every sense of the word. 

 F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

 As with everything else, Ezra likes to prolong sex. This means finding ways to ensure that when the two of you are together, it lasts. 

 Both before and after the Green, he likes you on top; likes to see what you’re doing, and let you control the pace. Whether you’re kneeling and in an upright position so that he can reach out and touch you, or you’re leaning forward, chests pressed together as you hold onto his shoulders or grip the pillows, this is a favorite for him. This position is much easier for him with one arm, too, since it doesn’t require balance or him supporting himself above you. 

 Another favorite position for both of you also allows him to give you what you need without the risk of him toppling over. Even though he likes to look at you, you and Ezra have a lot of lazy, slow sex, both of you laying on your sides. Your back pressed to his chest, one leg raised, your foot resting on his ankle to open yourself up to him just enough - he loves it, because you give him the freedom to set the pace, even if he can’t move as deeply within you as he could from another angle. 

 Ezra likes holding you close - and this allows him to do just that; an arm wrapped tightly around your body, hand on your chest, or his fingers working their magic where you need him most. He can feel the sounds you make from his angle, every inch of your body responding to his touch or his words, and this gives him another opportunity to put his mouth on the skin of your shoulders - as well as easy access to your ear, should he choose to talk. (And he does… but you do, too.) The first time you were together in this position after he came home was also the first time he made an outright joke about losing his arm. For anyone else, it would have ruined the moment, but coming from him? You knew that it was his way of telling you that it was OK to talk about it, that he knew that it was changing the way you were when you were in bed together, but that it was something you’d both have  to get used to. What did he say? “I have had an epiphany, just now.” He paused, nuzzling his face into your shoulder from behind, forehead pressed to the back of your neck. “I don’t have to worry about the arm underneath us going numb, no matter how long we remain in this position.” 

 There was another pause - and then Ezra kissed your shoulder, lips lingering. You didn’t know how to reply, but with shock, realized that you could feel his smile against your skin, though you couldn’t see it. Before you made your choice, you heard him speak again, voice low. “It’s perfectly alright to laugh with me about it, Starlight. I don’t mind.” 

 G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

 A lot of people consider Ezra goofy as it is. The way he speaks, the exaggerated movement of his hands and arms, the way that he stands - one hip popped, head cocked to the side … it’s what they see, so they believe that that’s what he is. And he’s worked hard to establish his personality, but there’s so much more to Ezra than 90% of the world sees. 

His family is small - the only ones left alive are his brother and sister-in-law, and you’ve met them multiple times - before, during and after Ezra’s time away. With the three of you, and a few select other people, he’s free to be entirely himself - but the most open Ezra is is when it’s just the two of you. 

 When he’s in bed with you, it fluctuates between serious and relaxed, depending on the circumstances that led up to the two of you in that position. There are times when he is absolutely, positively laser focused on you and getting his hands and mouth on you, but there are just as many times as him joking around with you while you’re watching movies or listening to music, or just hanging around the house has led to more. And you love both sides of him, but you like casual, relaxed Ezra much more… and he knows it. Of course, since Ezra’s vocabulary is a lot different than the other people you’ve been to bed with, there are a lot of times when he sounds serious, and he’s not trying to - but you definitely don’t mind that. 

 H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

 The first time you saw Ezra, he was dressed to impress - but you very quickly realized that that wasn’t typical for him. Hair styled - slightly longer than most of the other men in your lecture, or the other students - but that bright blonde streak? Everything stood out to you, that included. You wanted to know what it felt like to run your fingers through his hair; even combed back, you could tell that it was soft, the ends curling slightly over the back of his neck. 

 But you’d noticed that you weren’t the only one intrigued by him - hanging on the words he said as he described the history of a faraway planet - the one he’d focused his entire educational career on - and its eventual downfall, leading to humans scattering throughout the stars. No, most of the other women in the room were of the same mindset as you, along with some of the men, too. 

 You’d made eye contact with him on your way out of the lecture hall, Ezra’s eyes widening, cheeks going round as he offered you a smile that you knew you wouldn’t forget before he turned his attention to the other people attempting to talk with him, asking him questions about his research. Since there’d been so many people between the two of you, the only thing you could do was grin back, and then write it off as a chance encounter - committing his smile and his voice to memory - but not thinking anything else would come from it… unfortunately. He’d cut his hair shorter before you saw him again, nearly two weeks later, but the streak was still there, and all of it still looked impossibly soft - especially messy and moving in the breeze. He’d reintroduced himself immediately, sticking his hand out and asking for your name, the basic pleasantries only lasting for a few seconds before he switched tactics on you without hesitation. 

 Ezra was right in the middle of flirting with you on the quad - telling a story to try and convince you to come out with him to a restaurant that he loved without outright asking - and you cut him off, straightening the hem of your shirt as a way to gain confidence - even though it only worked partially and you knew that he knew it. 

 “Ezra.” Lips pressed tightly together, you lifted an eyebrow, waiting a few seconds as the main trailed off, looking shocked that you’d interrupted him. “You don’t need to tell me everything about the menu.” He was truly surprised, you could see it in his eyes, in the way that he shifted his weight, one hand going to his hip as he watched you, head tilted. “I believe you.” “Then why are we still standing in this same, unbelievably noisy and heavily traversed location?” You couldn’t hold back the smile, adjusting the strap of your bag over your shoulder. “If my description of the plentiful mealtime offerings hasn’t motivated you to -” 

 “Ezra.” You liked saying his name almost as much as he liked hearing it, and made a mental note to speak it as often as possible. “You haven’t asked me to go anywhere with you yet.” He laughed at that, fine lines at the corners of his eyes deepening, teeth bared as he grinned at you. You also decided that you liked that sound - very much. 

 “Well, that is my mistake.” He gestured with one hand in your direction, still smiling broadly. “Do let me rectify that by requesting the honor of your presence tonight for dinner.” You’d thought the way he spoke was strange - though endearing - and even though you weren’t used to it, you also decided that you liked it, too. But I won’t make it easy for him. 

 “How do you know that I’m not seeing someone, Ezra?” Cocking your head to one side, too, you met his eyes, unblinking. “How do you know that I’m not just letting you dig yourself into a -”

 “A woman like you wouldn’t be staring at a man like me the way that you have been since we began this conversation if she were otherwise involved.” Simple. Direct. To the point. You appreciated it more than you were willing to admit, and it was a refreshing change of pace from the other men you’d dated - but even from only a few minutes of conversation and watching him give one lecture, you knew that Ezra wasn’t like other men. 

 “You’re right.” Biting down on your lower lip, you studied his reaction for a few more seconds before you ran your tongue over it - a movement that he followed with both eyes, not even bothering to hide it. “But you know what else a woman like me wouldn’t be doing if she had someone else?” He quirked an eyebrow, the smile returning. “No, I do not. Enlighten me.” Taking a step closer, you crossed both arms over your chest, looking up and meeting his eyes. “She wouldn’t be staring at you and wondering whether or not that blonde streak of hair is the only one you’ve got.” That got him, the man’s expression changing into one of total surprise, mouth falling open before he let out a quiet whistle and then stepped closer to you, one hand reaching out and settling against the bare skin of your arm, his thumb moving over it slowly - deliberately. 

 “I’m more than happy to give you the opportunity to find out for yourself.” It wasn’t what he said, but the way he said it, eyes focused on your face, one side of his mouth quirking up into the barest hint of a smile. “Either way, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.” 

 You made your decision in a split second, appreciating how direct he was, how brazen the man was in his flirtation with you, and cocked your head to the opposite side, the tip of your tongue poking into the corner of your mouth. “Let’s start with dinner, Ezra. I believe you said you knew a good place?” 

 Of all the expressions that you ever saw on his face, the smile he gave you in return was in your top three - and it was the beginning of everything. 

 …. Also? There’s no other blonde streak, but for a man that carries himself in as casual and rugged a way as Ezra? He’s especially well groomed everywhere, and cares a lot about hygiene - even with only one arm. (The only exception is his beard, which you like a lot scruffier than well-trimmed, and he is more than happy to oblige that simple request.)

 I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

 When you met Ezra, he was a typical late 20’s student. (Started school late, and was in his second year of the Ephrate’s equivalent of grad school, so roughly 27 Earth years when you meet him, but probably a little older, since time passes differently on different planets.) His good looks, quick wit and that look he gave women when they were speaking to him? He was trouble. You knew it, he knew it, and the rest of the student body knew it, too. He was charming, he was different, because of the way he spoke … but there was one thing that you knew right off the bat, even before you found yourself in bed with him: Ezra. Is. Incredibly. Intimate. 

 Yeah, he can turn it off and have just sex, but with him, there’s no point to letting him do that. You don’t go to bed with someone like him for it to be just sex, you want everything. But intimacy to Ezra isn’t just the physical act. No… it’s everything that gets you into bed, and everything that comes after. 

 With his vocabulary, he can go from quoting plays and books - even old movies - to whispering the absolute filthiest things imaginable into your ear in the same breath. And he’s done it, multiple times. 

 Ezra has a way about him that makes it even so when you don’t know him, it’s like you do, because he’s so observant. He pulls in details from the tiniest things - the way you look in the starlight, the brightness in your eyes when you laugh at something, how one corner of your lips twitches slightly when you’re listening to someone, but don’t quite believe them, or how you tend to dig your teeth in when you’re about to make a point. He sees it all, and he comments on it all, and it goes a hell of a long way to keeping you in the moment with him, strengthening the connection you have. 

 J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

 On the Ephrate, Ezra didn’t need to resort to this as much as he did before going to school. Yes, there were women at home, but he grew up in a relatively quiet place - so he only had so many options. He was a typical teenager, but even though it felt good, he always knew there was more out there for him - somewhere.

 While in school (both times), Ezra had his pick. Thousands of female students from all over the galaxy? Some of them shared his bed. Many of them were the subject of his fantasies. All of them are fond memories, until they’re just not important anymore. 

 Enter you. 

 While Ezra’s on the Green, you’re all he thinks about 90% of the time in private. It’s only natural, right? You’re the one he’s planning on going home to, you’re the one he wants to be with - you’re the one he wants to imagine when he’s got a few minutes to himself in his bunk or in the shower. Like with everything, he prefers to take his time, drawing things out and giving himself a chance to get lost in memories… but that’s not the Green. 

 No. There, he has to be quick, be quiet… and quiet isn’t something that comes easily to Ezra, especially at first. For the first few months he’s gone, the knuckle of his left pointer finger is almost consistently bruised from him biting down on it to muffle the noises he makes. But as time passes, that stops - and instead, Ezra’s able to focus on the small black circles inked in the space between his thumb and forefinger, remembering what it felt like to have your thumb pressed to it when you held hands, or the way your lips looked against it when you’d turn your head and find his hand caressing your cheek. After losing his arm? After losing his dominant hand? Getting himself off was a struggle. He didn’t think about it for the first few weeks, of course, because he was recovering from the amputation and the wound to his chest, but as soon as he was up to it, and he realized that there was a real chance he’d have an actual life - maybe with you again? It was overwhelming. Yes, as soon as he felt well enough, one of the first things Ezra did - in the privacy of a well lit, comfortable bedroom in his recovery room at the Med Center on Central - was get himself off. 

 But his fingers felt foreign wrapped around his length, thoughts running wild - and not in a good way. Even thinking of you - and of his favorite memory of you - wasn’t enough to help him finish at first. And that is something that shocked him (But it didn’t last long.)  

 K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

 One of Ezra’s biggest kinks is blindfolding you. One, because it gives him a chance to appeal to the senses that aren’t sight - it means that he knows you’re into him and responding to him for more than what you can see … and two, it allows him to stare at you without shame or restraint - and it’s one of his favorite things in the universe to do (clothed and unclothed, but he prefers the moments when you’re bared to him. It’s a trust thing again.)

 This is true before and after the Green, and after, it makes him feel more confident, because he knows you’re not looking at him - the lost arm, the scars, his weakened body from losing a great deal of weight on decreased rations. It makes him feel more confident, even though deep down, he knows you’re not focusing on any of those things when you look at him.

 Two specific instances? 

 Prior to leaving for the aurelac rush, you were the one that suggested Ezra blindfolding you for the first time. You hadn’t wanted to bring it up, because the truth was that you relished the moments that you got to watch him while you were in bed (or in any number of other places) with each other, but one of your friends had mentioned that she’d tried it on her husband on a whim, and you’d been intrigued. “You want me to forfeit my eyesight, Starlight?” He blinked at you slowly, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “When looking at you is absolutely all I ruminate about when we’re apart?” “No. Ezra, I want you to…” You paused, nervously chewing on your lip. “I want you to cover my eyes.” Mouth falling open with a quiet laugh, Ezra stepped toward you, reaching out to wind an arm around your waist and pull you into his chest. “You’re distracting.” You lifted a hand, tugging gently on the blonde streak in his hair, your eyes locked. “I don’t want to see what’s coming next, I just want to feel it.” You paused, winking. “And hear you.” 

 “That is surely … something for me to ponder.” He leaned down, kissing you quiet, and for long moments you let him, grip on his hair relaxing, even though his hand wandered beneath the hem of your shirt, fingertips stroking your lower back. “I am enthralled by this idea,” he murmured into your ear before grazing the lobe with his teeth. “Maybe too much, to be truthful.” 

 “I’ll tell you if it’s too much, Ezra.” You kissed his cheek, lips pressing to the raised edges of the silvery scar there. “I trust you.” 

That was all it took - those three words - and Ezra discovered a new and very fulfilling kink. Eventually, he worked up to asking you to blindfold him, too - and it didn’t take long for the two of you to find and choose a favorite piece of material to use to block your vision; a strip of fabric from the shirt you’d worn on your second date - and the first night you’d gone to bed with him - that had *somehow* gotten torn. 

 After the Green, you’d been the one to suggest it again, after seeing - and feeling - that he was hesitant to truly let himself go with you. He’d been back in your life for a few weeks, both of his serious wounds well on their way to healing, and you’d been intimate a few times, but it wasn’t like it had been before - and you both knew it. 

 “Ezra?” You came out of your bedroom and down the stairs, calling out his name before you’d reached the bottom floor of the house. “How do you feel about staying in tonight? I can order dinner, and we can …” You paused in front of where he sat on the couch, gesturing with one hand. “Just relax. I know the last few weeks have been a lot for you.” 

 “I’d like that.” He tilted his head up and toward you, nodding. “What did you have in mind?” He watched as you moved to sit down next to him, and before he thought about it, reached for you with his right arm, swearing quietly as he corrected the action and tugged you onto his lap with his left. You eased against his body, careful not to knock into the still healing wound on his chest with your shoulder or elbow, and tucked your forehead in against his neck, arm disappearing behind his back and the other hand resting on his knee. 

 “I’m not sure. Whatever you want. That one place you liked? The one with the noodles? They closed. So I guess… anything but that?” He laughed, glancing down at the way you nestled even closer to him at the sound, breath hitting the skin at the base of his throat, where the collar of his shirt wasn’t covering it. 

 “It’s a very good thing I happen to be adaptable, then.” It was your turn to laugh, the sound more of a snort, and Ezra felt his chest grow tight - the feeling having nothing to do with the fresh scar tissue there. But neither of you made any move toward the kitchen, where a stack of menus sat in a drawer, or for your tablet, to place an order. I like this feeling. He closed his eyes, tightening his hold on your hip, and heard you clear your throat. 

 “Reach into my back pocket.” He paused, but did as you asked, you shifting to lift so that he could get his hand where you’d told him to. Sucking in a breath as his fingers closed around the familiar material, Ezra whispered your name. “Couldn’t get rid of it. Not even when I moved.” He lifted the length of blue fabric and held it up in front of your faces, the memories of using it with you flooding back. “I’m sure you haven’t thought of it in -” 

 “Years?” He kissed the top of your head, closing his eyes. “That is false.” He took a few seconds to consider his words, deciding to cut straight to the chase - for once. “You put a piece of it into my pack before I left, and that small square of fabric brought me comfort nearly the entire time I was on that Kevva-forsaken moon.” You said his name, sitting up and twisting to look at him, the man gesturing for you to take the blindfold from him. “I lost it when I was forced to abandon my pack during the altercation with my crew, and no matter how long I looked, I couldn’t find it.” 

 You winced at that, using both hands to twist the fabric, though your eyes were locked with his. “I’m sorry, Ezra.” Swallowing hard, you finally closed your eyes. “But there’s another reason I want to stay in tonight.” His heartbeat quickened, and though he knew it was coming, he was still surprised at your next words. “Blindfold me, Ezra. I know you’re still working through a lot, but maybe it -” “I can’t tie a knot anymore.” The words came out bitter, but you didn’t let him dwell on that, the blindfold dropping from your hands and into your lap, palms on his cheeks and forcing him to look at you again. “You can help me tie it, Ezra.” Leaning in, you pressed your forehead to his, breath catching. “Or we don’t have  to use it, but I just thought … I see how you try to hide. You tell me not to look at you, and this way?” You kissed him gently, lips once again easily finding the scarred skin of his cheek, the familiarity of it striking him as much as it had each time you did it before - and then continued. “This way I can’t. You’ve got all the control, it’s all up to you.” Pulling back just enough, you met his eyes again, and he saw the anguish in yours, the desperation to help him. “It’s all up to you.” 

 “D’you still…” He swallowed, the words sticking in his throat. “Trust me, Starlight?” There wasn’t even a breath between his question and your response. “Always.”

 For once, Ezra was unable to find the words to express his gratitude to you, but he also knew that you didn’t need to hear them - he’d seen it on your face at his reaction to your assertion, and you wouldn’t ever force him to speak it out loud. Another? Alright.

 After the Green? Ezra develops an absolute love for sensation play. Since there was so little room or time for him to enjoy the feeling of anything that wasn’t his suit, his hands or the sparse amounts of water available on his skin for so long, every single thing that he feels - and enjoys - turns him on in the moment.

 The feeling of your fingers against his skin, whether you’re warm or cold? The way the soft, silky material of your clothes slides over his back or chest before one of you removes it? The feeling of the grass, or the sand or even water - from a lake or an ocean, or the tub?  The way the sunlight feels when it warms his skin or the cool breeze from the ventilation fans in your house? Every one of them is a new miracle to Ezra.

 All of it is overwhelming to him, but he loves it. He even likes the slightly uncomfortable situations; the cramped backseat of your transport vehicle, the grittiness of the bricks that make up a building’s walls against his palm as he kisses you senseless outside of a restaurant that you go to to celebrate his birthday. Everything he feels now is making up for what he couldn’t feel then, and he won’t ever take any of it for granted. 

 But his absolute favorite thing was the way you tasted when he kissed you in the middle of dessert one night, a spoonful of ice cream melting against both of your tongues and dripping slowly over your lips. Ezra got used to being uncomfortably warm on the Green, and so he truly appreciates any excuse to be chilled - in any way  … but especially when it involves your mouths and skin. 

 L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

 Ezra’s adventurous, and if you’re game for it, he’ll have you just about anywhere. The two of you like being outside, under the stars (which is where and how you got your nickname - more on that in a separate piece). He likes the way his skin looks against yours, likes the soft sounds of the grass and the wind, the sound of the crickets … he’s a very outdoorsy man, and even though you’re always somewhat worried that someone will stumble upon you, he’s very reassuring - and it doesn’t take long for your entire focus to be on him, no matter where the two of you are. Ezra is also partial to the two of you being inside, because it means that he can prolong things - slowly removing his clothes and yours, taking his time working you up - with words or his hands or his mouth or even just with a look. Floor, bed, couch, counter, shower … it doesn’t matter to him. Your safety and comfort are very important to him, and he knows that even though you like the fresh air, you’re much more likely to let yourself get lost in him and what you’re doing from the get-go if you’re inside and can lock a door. 

 Fact: After Ezra’s return to the Ephrate from Central after the Green, and after he’d been released from the second Med Center and cleared to begin a “normal” routine, the first place the two of you had sex was in your shower. (More on that in a separate piece, too)

 M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

This is a good question, and depending on the day you ask him, Ezra’s answers might be very different. 

 He’s turned on by touch - you squeezing his hand, putting your hand on his knee, running your fingers through his hair. 

 He’s turned on by the way you speak to people - confident, without talking down to others. He loves that you don’t need him to speak for you, but are absolutely willing to let him in some cases. He also likes the way you talk to him, never hesitating to make a joke, or say exactly what’s on your mind.

He knows that you still want to impress him, but aren’t focused on doing that every time you open your mouth. 

 Ezra loves when you listen to him, bringing up some obscure fact that he mentioned in passing weeks or months prior. He knows that it means that you’re truly paying attention to him, that you listen when he speaks, and that what he says is very important to you - like it is to him. He also likes it when you take the lead - not always in bed, but he likes when you’re the one that gets things started; slipping your hand beneath the waistband of his pants if you’re just lounging, kissing his jaw, or letting your lips linger on the tattoo on his hand and then pulling it toward your body in the middle of a conversation. There’s a lot that turns Ezra on, let’s be honest. 

 N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

 Ezra won’t hurt you. He hates indecisiveness. He hates being talked down to, or made to feel less than - but he also doesn’t like someone trying to talk him up beyond his actual capabilities, even if they mean well. 

 Ezra won’t go to bed with anyone after they’ve been drinking heavily - and that includes himself. He doesn’t drink much, but he’s not a big guy, so it doesn’t take much to make him tipsy - especially since his liquor of choice is whiskey, and he prefers dark, strong beer. 

 You learn very quickly that Ezra’s not the type of man to take someone out and feed them drinks to speed along the process. Yes, you drink together, but even when it leads to you in bed, it doesn’t progress past wandering hands and kisses - at least until you’ve both sobered up. He also will not discuss his sex life in detail with anyone. Vague responses, yes. But the first time someone made a comment about the two of you that he didn’t like… you didn’t think you’d ever seen someone go so still. Ezra’s a gentleman, through and though, and even though he’s had to make a lot of difficult decisions and experienced lot of difficult situations in his life, he won’t compromise when it comes to the woman he’s with (you) and their reputation or honor. It’s old fashioned, but it’s one of the many things that you love about him. 

 It wasn’t something that the two of you did before the Green, but when he comes back, Ezra makes it very clear that he’s not interested at all in breath play of any kind. He knows what it’s like to feel like he can’t breathe; oxygen available but not flowing into his lungs, and has no interest in ever reliving that situation in his life, or encouraging it for someone else, even only briefly. 

 O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

 A man of very simple tastes, if you want him in your mouth, he won’t ever tell you no. For a lot of men, receiving this type of attention is a chance to zone out, only focusing on how good it feels… but not for Ezra. He pays attention to everything, no matter what it is you’re doing - the way your lips feel, what you’re doing with your tongue, the way your hands clutch at his thighs or his ass, whether or not you’re paying attention to all of him, or only the tip … every single second of it is pleasure to Ezra, but it’s only because of the person giving it to him.

 He’s had some pretty underwhelming blowjobs in his time, and even worse sex, so finding out that you wouldn’t be lumped into either of those categories was a very welcome revelation. When you’re going down on him, he likes either using it as an opportunity to finish in your mouth - only with your permission - or at the very last second, pulling out and finishing in you. 

 However. As much as he likes being on the receiving end, Ezra is very, very giving. 

 That tongue of his isn’t only good for speaking, and even though it took you some time to feel comfortable enough to let him go down on you, once you had, you never turned him down again. Like with everything else, Ezra takes the time to do it right. And even though you can’t explain it, the fact that he pauses long enough to check in with you, making sure that you like what he’s doing doesn’t take you out of the moment in the way that it would with anyone else. He’s not trying to inflate his own ego, and doesn’t need constant reassurance - he’s legitimately trying to figure out what he’s doing right - and what he can do better next time. 

 As the two of you got to know each other more and you realized how competitive he was (More on that in the Wild Card section), you bet him that he couldn’t get you off in under five minutes with his mouth - which, to be honest, wouldn’t have upset you much, even if he’d lost the bet. Ezra did it in less than three, with the use of two fingers and a side-to-side movement with his tongue that you were not expecting.  Even though it felt incredible, you made him promise not to make that his go to, because… well. 

 “Don’t you worry, Starlight. I was just proving a point.” He sat up, using one thumb to wipe at his lips, an eyebrow raised. “You underestimate my usual restraint when it comes to your pleasure.” You couldn’t help it; leaning forward and grabbing a handful of his hair, pulling him close enough to press your lips to his, the action surprising him. “No, Ezra. I know better than to ever do that. I just know how much you like a challenge.” 

 P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

 He isn’t overly rough, but he doesn’t treat you like you’re made of glass, either. Ezra knows what you can handle, and while he won’t give you more than that, he likes to push limits - and so do you. You always know when he’s got something on his mind and how it’s impacting him by the way he is in bed with you. 

 Hard and fast = and something’s bothering him. 

Slower and focused = You’ve got his full attention. You can always coax him into a different pace, but as the two of you got closer, you didn’t need to as much. It only takes a few words, a hand gliding across his back or a palm against his cheek, and you’ve got his attention. The times you have to pull him out of his thoughts, you know that the after will likely include him filling you in on whatever’s bugging him, but as you remind him all the time, that’s what you’re there for - and you have no problem with that. You want it from him.

 But the one thing to remember: Ezra’s always thorough. Always. He takes his responsibilities very seriously when it comes to the way he is in bed, and even if he’s not being serious, he will absolutely not let you leave the bed (or the couch, or the blanket or the shower) unless he knows that you’re well-fucked and completely taken care of. 

 He’s a gentleman like that. 

 Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

 Ezra will have you anywhere, and at any time that you allow him to do so. 

Before, he prefers to take his time with you, making sure that both of you enjoy every second, but neither of you are strangers to being in a rush - between classes, before work or an event, that one time at your parents’ house before your birthday dinner … He’s an opportunist, and you love him for it, because when he gets that look in his eye, you know you’re going to like what’s coming. 

 After? He means to go slow, but in the weeks that follow his arrival back to the Ephrate, it’s fast more often than not. After so long apart, he can’t help it, and no matter how many times he tells himself he needs to slow down, tells you you need to slow down and just enjoy it, ease back into things, giving both of you time to readjust, it’s nearly impossible. 

 There’s also a short period of time where he tries to take things quickly with you, because he’s very self conscious about his arm - and he believes that forcing you to look at it is additional punishment on top of what he’s already put you through by disappearing for so long. Basically? He wants to get off, and get you off, but give you a quick out if you want it. (You do not.)

 But no matter how many times Cee tells him that what happened on the Green to his chest and to his arm is just a part of life in the Fringe, and anyone that loves him won’t let it matter, it takes a long conversation late at night with you for it to really stick - and for him to go into more detail about what happened on the Green and what led to him losing that arm in the first place. 

 After that happens, he’s very excited to find that you initiate quickies often just to show him that it doesn’t matter how long it lasts, you’re just happy to be with him again.  

 R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

 Look at  him and tell me that he doesn’t take risks - I dare you. Ezra’s life has been one risk after another. Leaving home - and a relatively lucrative career with his brother - to study. Making a home on a new planet. Falling in love with you. Leaving you to go to the Green? It’s all risky, and even though in many cases, the reward was worth it, he knows all too well what happens if he fails, even partially. 

 But when it comes to sex with Ezra, nearly everything’s on the table there, too. 

 It’s easier, before, to try new things and new places, to thoroughly take care of you, to make sure that you’re satisfied, and Ezra does that without hesitation whenever he possibly can. 

 After? After he’s lost an arm, after he’s spent years on the Green with no one and nothing but the people he could never fully trust? Risk to him means something different. He indulges your whims - and some of his own, but there’s always a pause, always a moment of hesitation where he weighs options in a way that he didn’t ever before. 

 Before, a calculated risk to Ezra meant making sure that neither of you would be caught … and now, it means ensuring that you won’t be hurt, even in simple, harmless situations. He knows it’s unnecessary - knows that he needs to shake it, but he can’t do that right away, and is very thankful that you’re willing to work through it with him. 

 S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

 I said before that Ezra likes to prolong sex, and when both of you are in no hurry, it’s not uncommon to spend an hour wrapped up in each other. The entire time isn’t spent on the actual act of sex - both you and Ezra love foreplay, too. Teasing is important for both of you; getting right to the edge with hands or mouths and then pulling back - you know each other well, and you make the most of it.

 Fun fact: Ezra was the first guy you’d been with that didn’t get outright offended when you didn’t get off during sex and he did. Instead of being upset, he looked at it as a challenge. 

 “You do understand that there are innumerable ways for me to make you come?” His voice quiet in the darkness had startled you, the feeling of him pulling out from between your legs making you let out a sound - a low whine that you barely recognized. “Let’s start trying to figure them all out.”

 The weight of him disappeared from your body, and then before you could react, or tell him that it was fine, you felt his chin against your abdomen, the hair from his beard gently scratching along your skin, followed by his lips at your navel. He cleared his throat as you reached for him with one hand, fingers brushing against the tangled locks at the crown of his head, and then pressed another kiss to the inside of your thigh before he spoke again, amusement - and determination - in his voice, warm breath spreading out over your slick skin. “One.” 

 ---

On a good night - and there are a lot of good nights - Ezra’s good for at least three rounds (with time between, of course) - but he always makes sure that you come at least once more than he does before he’s satisfied. This is unless, of course, you wear each other out to the point where you’re unable to do anything but fall asleep, and you almost like those times better, because you know  that the next morning (or afternoon, or whenever it is that you come to) you’ll be woken up by Ezra’s low voice in your ear, hand (or hands, prior to the Green) roaming your body. 

 For whatever reason, whenever you and Ezra have slow, sleepy sex, neither of you last as long, and both of you have no idea why. (But neither of you will ever complain, and it’s your favorite way to start the day.)

 T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

 You had a small collection before you met him, something that you were very open to sharing with him. They were holiday gifts from your friends, favors from bachelorette parties - typical for someone your age. And you’d used them, especially in the times between relationships, when it was simpler to pick one than find someone short term. The men you’d been with previously had liked bringing them into bed with you, too, because it meant that they could pause and just watch you, but Ezra? 

 It is a personal mission of his to make sure that you do not ever *need* to turn to something else when he’s in bed with you. If you really wanted to use one of them, he wouldn’t outright tell you no (and this happens after he comes home - which, at first seems unreasonable to him, until you explain it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like less of a man) but before? 

 The first time you opened the small box, Ezra sucked in a breath that turned into a low hum, both of his hands reaching for yours and squeezing. “Your very own treasure chest, hmm?” Even in the low light, you saw the gleam in his eyes, the smirk on his face. “These are what you like?” You hadn’t known it at the time, but he wasn’t making fun of you, instead wanting to get an idea of what he could expect in the future. “These are what you need?” 

 Staying silent, you eyed him, listening to the change in the tone of his voice, his accent becoming thicker. “They’re just options, Ezra.” Barely above a whisper, you finally spoke as he kissed your jaw, his eyelashes fluttering against your cheek when he closed his eyes. “I -” He pushed you backwards, and just as smoothly as the man had entered your life in the first place, he was hovering over your body, using both hands to pin your wrists, knees bent on either side of your hips. “Ezra.” 

 He smiled, waiting an extra breath and then spoke again, slowly bringing his face back toward yours and his lips to your ear. “I have learned in my lifetime that anything worth doing well is worth doing by hand.” He kissed you then, teeth grazing your earlobe as you arched your back beneath him, your fingers closing into fists - even though you didn’t try to pull your wrists free. “But.” His lips moved down your neck and then over your throat, his name spilling from your mouth before you could stop it. “Talk to me, Starlight. Tell me what -” 

 “Don’t need them, Ezra.” You were struggling at that point, just to give yourself something to do, shoulders pushed back and into the mattress as you moved beneath him, your breath coming out in short spurts though he’d barely touched you. “They’re just…” You moaned as you felt him bite down on your collarbone, and then he let you go, moving his hands to the pillows, yours going to his face and pulling it back up. His gaze was calm, but you could feel that it was just cover; the man waiting for your response. Shaking your head back and forth slowly, you locked eyes with him, using one fingertip to trace over the curved scar on his cheek. “For when you’re not around.” 

 He groaned, bending his arms and letting his weight settle against you; the length of him pressed along the inside of your thigh the best - and only - reminder that you needed that when Ezra was there, the warmth of him was all you needed. 

 U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

 Ezra’s a damn tease, especially in the bedroom, but you know that whenever he gets going, the payout is well worth it. He never denies you anything, unless there’s a reason. He never outright ignores you - or what you want or need … but he doesn’t always make it easy. And that’s another one of the things that you love about him. Ezra’s caring and considerate, but he’s set in his ways. He’s very particular about the way he carries himself, and the beliefs he has, which makes a lot of others question him. But when they really get to know him, they understand  that how he is is a big part of what he is, and he’s a welcome change from the people that you grew up with, from the people that you’d been around for long stretches of your life. 

 For Ezra, it’s all about the build up. The two of you went to bed together for the first time with very little hesitation - it wasn’t the first date… but it also didn’t take until the third. So, after that, both of you decided that it would be fun to get to know each other by seeing how far you could go riling each other up. 

 It usually starts when you’re nowhere near a private area. Ezra loves just barely touching you - his fingers brushing against your arm, a slight push on your back, the nail of his thumb dragging over your palm … it all drives you wild, and he knows it. 

 When you first started seeing each other exclusively, you were both still taking classes - and had very different schedules… let’s just say that the biggest tease of all was the way he kissed you before saying goodbye in the morning, or before going your separate ways after meeting for lunch. They were just kisses, yes, but they were also an indication of what you had waiting at the end of the day and behind closed doors. He didn’t even have to say anything (although he often did); all it took was that kiss and one look - a wink, the slight twitch of his lips, the appearance of that dimple in his cheek - and he was all you could think about for the rest of the day.

 V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

 Ezra is a talker - before and after the Green. However, for the most part, when he’s in bed, he’s content to rein it in and let you be the one to speak. 

But when he does get caught up in the moment, when he does let himself go, it pushes you over the edge too quickly for you to even think about it much. It’s not that he says filthy things, but the way he speaks? He could be talking about the weather, and as long as he’s murmuring into your ear, his beard rubbing against your cheek, hands roaming your body? It doesn’t matter.

 It never mattered, and he knows it. 

 Ezra’s vocabulary is much larger than anyone else you’ve ever met, and even though there was a short period of time where it was almost too much for you because you thought it was an act, you quickly realized that he didn’t speak just to speak - it isn’t because he likes hearing himself talk, even though that’s what so many other people believe about him. 

 Hearing the man speak - and speak to you in the way that he does, praising you, giving you directions, begging you - dreaming about it was enough to get you through the years he was missing. Countless nights, you woke up to an empty and silent room, straining your ears to catch the fading remnants of your dreams - his voice filling the dark corners, spreading through the spaces between the sheets. When that happened, you wondered if the same ever happened to him - on the Green Moon, surrounded by strangers. 

 Hearing it again for the first time? It didn’t matter that you were both fully clothed and flanked by other people - it brought every memory of him back all at once, and if you thought that you had to contain yourself from lunging at him, it’s nothing compared to what Ezra felt. 

 That first night back with you? After the first time you said his name, you didn’t get another word in. 

 W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

 Ezra is competitive. You knew it from the get go - watched the way that his eyes would take on that distinctive gleam when he was interested in making a wager with someone, or when he put his mind to doing something that he said he was going to do. You knew that when he was younger, he’d been competitive with his brother - both at home and on jobs - and his uncle, though that was more just because Ezra liked proving people wrong - and surprising them. He’s not scrawny now (at least not after a few months of recovery from the Green), but he was a scrawny teenager with some hidden arm strength, and he ended up surprising everyone more than a few times when it came to being able to hoist himself up and onto ledges, or to lift stones, wooden beams, machinery etc. 

 But when it comes to being competitive with you, things like proving you wrong about how long it’ll take him to get you off, how well he can read people, or just the way that it seems like he can guess your thoughts sometimes? You don’t understand it fully, and you wouldn’t ever bet against him in a public way because he’s right more often than not … but privately? You goad him on, and he knows it, but he’s more than happy to play the game, because it’s fun for him - and for you. 

 There are things he won’t ever be able to beat you in, just because you were raised differently and had more leisure time and exposure to things than him - but both of you know your limits, though he’s much more willing to test them than you. Ezra’s greatest challenge for himself when it comes to you is finding ways to surprise you. This is true before, during and after his time on the Green - and you don’t know it until much later on, but Ezra truly played the long game when it counted most.

 When it comes to being competitive, and testing limits, Ezra’s very careful to never let you put yourself in harm’s way. This probably sounds stupid - you don’t need a man to look out for you like that, you’re perfectly capable of setting your own limits and knowing when you’re approaching them - but with Ezra, the idea of turning things into a game ends as soon as he begins to worry. 

 You thought it was unnecessary at first, but as you got to know him, you began to understand that like so many things pertaining to the man, this was just another Ezra quirk; he was a lot of things - many of them you wouldn’t learn until well into your relationship, and even more that you wouldn’t learn until after his time on the Green - but at his core, Ezra was a gentleman. Especially when it came to you, and the other people that he loves: like Cee.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

 So, earlier I said that Ezra sees himself as “average” - and that applies to his body type, too. He’s an average height. He’s of an average build with arms that are slightly stronger than they look, due to years of hard, physical work both on and off planet. He’s never been what women would call muscular, but he takes care of himself - when he can. Admittedly, on the Green, things changed quite a bit about his build; he lost weight due to a very limited diet, his posture changed slightly due to the weight of the suit and the pack he carried for so long. His face hollowed out a little - everywhere except his cheeks. 

 The hair on his body is dark - like most of the hair on his head, but that’s the only place it’s thick. Arms and legs - average to below average amount of hair, no chest hair to speak of - all of that smooth, golden skin on display for you to look at and touch whenever given the opportunity.

 He had scars before the Green - sure. The one on his face, small ones on his forearms, even a few on his back, each of them healed to a various shade of silvery white, skin stippled and raised -standing out. But when he came home, there was another large scar added to the fray, one that he was very candid about. Roughly two and a half inches in length and one wide, Ezra walked you through the second wound from the Green that had almost killed him; Cee’s quick thinking stabilizing the punctured flesh just long enough to get them back to a qualified medical facility on a starship, then to the real Med Center on Central where they fully scraped it clean, and then by the time he was back on the Ephrate, the wound had begun to fully heal, though it would never be gone. It was large, and it was present, but it still wasn’t enough to distract you from the coarse, dark trail of hair that began a few inches to the right of it just beneath his navel, extending downward and past the waistband of his pants. That stayed the same, and though you’d made a joke the first time you’d seen it, remarking that you’d thought it would be blonde, too, fingers trailing through it as he laid in your bed, shirt off and belt unbuckled, pants pushed down just enough, there was nothing to joke about when it came to where it led. If you asked Ezra, his averageness extended below the belt, too, and while it was true that there wasn’t anything significantly exaggerated - one way or another - when it came to what he had to offer, you wouldn’t have described it as average. It was just Ezra, the same way you came to know every other part of him; inch by inch, the smooth length fitting well against your palm and between your curved fingers; the head slipping past your lips for the first time and settling heavily against your tongue. 

 What was so special about Ezra wasn’t his physical attributes, though you reminded him often of how handsome you thought he was - both verbally and based on the way you touched him - if he behaved like he couldn’t get enough of you and your body, you responded in kind, never holding back when it came to indulging in his form, or in the things you loved about him. (And let me be clear - you love everything about him physically, and wouldn’t want him to change a thing, both before and after the Green.)

 It was the way he presented himself, the way he utilized what he had been given. He never outright apologized for what he presumed to lack, but the way he moved - the way he held your body against his; the practiced movement of his hips and hands, the controlled thrusts that never failed to drive you wild - was all the proof you needed that Ezra wasn’t a man that felt he could rely on his looks or a woman being overwhelmed by what she was presented with. He’d accepted what he had to offer the world, and made it work for him.

 It made you respect him more. 

 In your opinion, Ezra drew the attention of everyone that laid eyes on him, but he never let that kernel of truth sink in and take root, and despite the way he presented himself - confident, competent, unconcerned - he had plenty of insecurities. 

 In an attempt to make him laugh one night after his return to you, when you were talking about your pasts - prior partners and failed relationships, the years you’d spent apart, how you’d kept busy - Ezra’s mood soured, and you could tell by the look in his eyes that he was going to default to downplaying his worth and place in your life. Instead of letting him sink, you looked him dead in the eyes and told him exactly what you thought of him - reminding him of something he’d said to you early on in your relationship about how he approached life. 

 “It’s not about the size of the gun, Ezra. It’s all about how you use it, right?” You could have been talking about anything - His remaining arm, the scars, his trauma, his experience, his build, his upbringing - but in that moment, you were talking about him, and everything he meant to you. “I’ve never been disappointed in that.” He was silent, which you weren’t surprised by, and instead of pulling back from him, you leaned in, your fingers combing through his hair, his head turned toward you on the pillow, deep brown eyes wide. “And I never will be.” 

 Everything that Ezra was - you readily accepted, especially physically - and you knew that sometimes, he just needed to hear it again. 

 Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

 He’s got a high sex drive, but isn’t all that motivates him. Throughout his prospecting (and mining, and exploration, and educational) careers, he got used to not having sex for months (years) at a time. And it sucked, but that was the life he chose. So when he was on-planet, he made the most of his time and the people that he was with. 

 For Ezra, sex isn’t just about the physical aspect of things - it’s the lead up and the follow through. It’s the whole process, and it’s what it means. Not that all sex for him is meaningful in the same way - but no matter who he’s with, he gets something out of it, even if it’s only a memory, or a release or a way to pass a night or two.

 But when he comes back home, and realizes that he’s got the option to be with you again? That you still want him as much as he wants you - as he always wanted you? He’s insatiable, even though he’s very hesitant to just pick up where you left off. 

 The two of you had a lot of time to make up for, and even though you needed to take things slowly - he was still healing, after all - he couldn’t keep his hands off of you. You took time off of work so that you could spend it with him and Cee, getting to know her (and Ezra, all over again), and it was almost painful for him to have to wait to be alone with you until Cee was sleeping or in school, or he’d been cleared by the medical team, or until he’d found it in himself to begin telling you about his time on the Green. Since it meant, though, that he was back with you? He was willing to wait as long as it took. … just not very patiently. (But that’s fine, you were just as anxious to have him in your bed again as he was to get there.) 

 Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

 Ezra tends to relax very quickly when he’s spent, but that doesn’t mean that he goes to sleep right away. You might not move a lot, but there are nights where you spend hours together in bed, quietly talking or just touching each other, both of you unwilling to let your eyes close. It’s another challenge for him; keeping the two of you talking, even if they’re only quiet words, murmurs and half sentences.

 This is especially true right before he leaves; you know why he’s going, what he hopes to prove, and even though deep down, you know he knows that it’s just as unnecessary as you’ve told him it is, you also know that you won’t deter him from the decision he’s made. So you both force yourselves to stay awake as long as possible, filling yourselves with each other for as long as possible. Yes, there are nights when you do fall asleep immediately - you can’t help it - but that’s not the norm. Just like with any other topic, Ezra craves knowledge about you, and knows that the minutes you spend next to him after you’ve finished with each other tend to lead to you be more open, more honest - more candid - and he takes advantage of them; soaking everything he can get of you up. 

The sheets and pillowcases smell like the two of you, and your skin is damp, slick with sweat, but he’s focused on you, making the most of every moment, because he knows that like with everything in life, there are a finite number of these, and he doesn’t intend to waste them. (You’re the same with him, and if you didn’t have a grasp on just how deeply you loved him, it would have concerned you to be so wrapped up in someone else that you’d willingly lose hours of sleep over them.)

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