#and well yeah. I do. but i reblog a lotta stuff and someone might have to scroll kinda far to see that

[armedwithapencilandpaper]

.

[cheemken]

👀👀👀👀👀 *sees you reblog fnaf stuff* I KNOW WHAT YOU AREEEEE!!!!! Drayton would boast about being able to beat fnaf without getting jumpscared and then promptly play fnaf 1 and get jumpscared close to 6 AM, let out a very high pitched scream and then fall out of his desk chair~Drayton angst anon💛(who is also a fnaf enjoyer)

FELLOW FNAF FAN OMF CNDMCNDM

Oh definitely, even better I made headcanons abt the og Unova kids and how they'd play fnaf too hahaha

Anyways

Please the fact he'd be all "pfft fnaf? That game's easy."

"bet."

And instantly regrets it he does not like the way Foxy runs no he does not lmfaooo imagine him seeing Foxy run to the office the first time and he legit panics all "WHAT THE FUCK" trying to figure out what to do and ends up getting jumpscared lmfaooo he'd be all "that wasn't fair, I didn't know they could run like that"

"heh, and you said this game was easy"

"course it's easy, there's just a lotta clicking I gotta do, it's tiring"

"yeah, sure, whatever you say lmao"

But like, since I already made hcs abt the Unova kids and how they'd play fnaf might as well make concepts abt the BB E4 hahaha

Anyways, Amarys does not get scared bet, like maybe a sudden jolt if she gets caught off guard but usually when she gets jumpscared she'd just go "oh, I lost." I think she'd be the type to actually try the fangames, looking for a challenge, taking Crispin's words saying the fangames have scarier gameplay and animatronics

She still don't find it scary, she did love the challenge tho hahah

Out of all four of em, she's the closest to ever beat UCN too. And Drayton, being Drayton, was all "well, my sis beat ultimate custom night, so by extension I beat it too"

"hah, yeah right. Taking the credit of others now cause you won't admit it's a hard game?"

"it's not hard, it's just tiring keeping check on all the robots" he'd rather admit he still sleeps w a plushie than to admit to Crispin that he really did find the games a bit hard

Lacey played the VR games and SB, didn't know abt UCN, Crispin made her play UCN, she lost within five seconds lmfao

Bet she'd love fnaf world tho, like Bianca she'd love the cute models of the animatronics more than their actual models hahah I think she'd like the glamrock and toy animatronics bc like,, I think they're the cutest?? Idk, I think she'd like them more than anything else. She had nightmares abt Glitchtrap tho real, refused to go in dark places for an entire month and stopped playing VR bc of it hahaha

Crispin gives off the vibes he really had a fnaf phase and never grew outta it, he always tries to make pizza whenever he plays it or if he watches someone play it, y'know, for the immersion he says hahah but also bet he'd be the type to watch every fnaf theory video out there, especially by pkmn ver of MatPat; the type to think of his own theories, make fanart, bet he listened to the fan songs and still memorized some of them by heart. He's just like me fr—

It would be cute tho if Crispin got Amarys hooked w the lore hahah like him talking abt fnaf and telling her the story so far while she's playing, and ofc she's listening to ever word, even adding her own thoughts. They give off vibes that they'd actually try to decipher a lot of the codes and puzzles in the games, like really going above and beyond to figure out every hidden meaning hahah

I think Amarys would also read the books, Lacey's surprised there are actually books abt it, Drayton didn't bother reading them ofc, Crispin's attention span isn't made for it so he just relies on Amarys for more info abt the lore regarding the stuff within the books and connecting them to the mainline games

And bet when the movie was out Crispin got so fucking excited he invited the E4 and the Kitakami sibs to watch it with him, like he really made a lotta snacks and I know for a fact and it's canon in my heart he screamed when the song at the credits played I just know it hahaha

[kernom]

making a pinned post

this is gonna need some reworking and i need to move shit around so a lotta editing is gonna happen XP

hiii my name's kernom and i'm mostly* in charge of running this big ol collection of reblogs and ramblings :3

they/them, gender neutral

age hidden but a young adult

family inherited and school diagnosed as autistic! that may explain certain responses i may give out or say :0 (please tell me directly if i did something wrong, i'm anxious about those things… OmO)

i have a discord, roblox and youtube acc with my name on it so if you see either of those when you're in those sites hi :D

and the part we've been pacing on and off about…

we have headmates wandering around! no official diagnosis since we're just not in the right situation to do that conveniently… but if you see any posts pertaining to them or plurality in general they'll be found in the system tags!

(will be in a separate post since the tag list descriptions are already too long, keep reading down below for general tags to be aware of)

personal tags

kernom: any posts that have my* interaction

txtnom: this shows up whenever we make a post

kernart: full of our art images we made, might be part of reblogs

technically…: whenever something doesn't quite qualify for a tag but still relevant enough to warrant a tag

!!! venting: recent edition, a variant of the separate post tag but specifically for more personally cutting feelings that could get very sensitive and therefore get hidden under a read more.

other blog responses: for those times where we interact with someone on tumblr! it's a little sparse though since this is new

+ dialogue: sometimes we ramble in tags instead and we're getting problems seeing those show up whenever we need to tag a reblog, so any words there will have a + first

reblog tags

crazy shit i found: most reblogs will go here

need to know: a recent edition, psa signal boosting posts or good information to share around… may contain triggering topics like politics or genocide

⭐️ hallmark pinned: things that we found really worthwhile, it also contains previously pinned images

previous tags: will be added before op's tags get pasted onto our reblog for context

insert media here: we find whatever is cool and filter it accordingly… unfortunately since we've never properly tagged our stuff in the past, certain reblogs from years ago will not show up in tag searches and they'll only be found through the archive tags… speaking of which…

archive tags

archive 2018: baby's first 11 posts and it's about complaining about youtube failure back then XD

archive 2019: even more empty! there's only like… 6 posts back then still original ramblings

archive 2020: BEEG change of pace. one of the first things you'll see is that i was a big fan of mystery skulls animated, like there's so much stuff in there it's so absurd, you'll also recognize that there's a lot of among us as well back when it was the cool thing. there's also a bunch of kirby and (paper) mario stuff as well. some little sprinkles of ena and persona in there… maybe some hollow knight i forgot.

archive 2021: year of omori and fnf posting, i also started to reblog some madness combat because i was really getting into it. (oh yeah, off is there too, belovedly weird)

archive 2022: quiet year again! this time we got news of L is real 2401, and some mixings of post from undertale to omori, tf2 back to madcom, and my (not apparent but very there) shotgun king rbs. count around 29?

archive 2023: pizza tower with a sprinkle of hollow knight again, some posts of ultrakill and the amazing digital circus + kinger, yeah. this is also the year where i think i started my tagging crusade and had to stop because of the sheer amount of them… trying to see how much pages there are, it said there were 150 pages of them… jfc

archive 2024: IN PROGRESS

[vi-is-short-for-violence]

New Frontier A Hollow Knight and Bug Fables crossover OC fic.

Full fic is under the cut!

PLEASE REBLOG!! MANY HOURS WENT INTO THIS AND I’D RLLY APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT!!

It had been a very interesting trip, taking the ferry from the continent Bugaria resided to the main continent known as The Outlands. Team Snakemouth, the heros of Bugaria were treated like celebrities everywhere they went. Everyone knowing them all by name and singing their praises, and if some weren't convinced of their greatness, many times bugs would contest them in combat and were quickly swayed into seeing their power. Vi especially enjoyed this attention.. being one of the first bees to truly venture beyond the Hive and find her place in the world as an explorer and rouge. The other two would often need to reel her in. Usually Leif did not mind Vi's more combative nature, so long as it wasn't a major risk.. though her pride is what both Leif and Kabbu would regularly keep in check. Leif appeared largely indifferent about their praise, but beneath his cold exterior, his friends knew he couldn't help but be grateful and flattered. Kabbu on the other hand loved the praise as much as Vi did, but unlike her, made sure to ground himself. If their mission around the legendary Everlasting Sapling taught him anything, it was that nothing was indestructible. Not the sapling, not his team, and certainly not him. After their first adventure however the one thing they all unanimously agreed on, was that they longed to continue their quests and even venture beyond Bugarias borders, and travel the mainlands.. The Outlands. They set sail into the world... the main continent.. the setting of their greatest adventures yet.

Team Snakemouth now walked on these ancient grounds.. and already the way they'd seen the world was beyond different than the world that came into view around them all. Chompy, the fourth and most beloved member of the team, who was resting comfortably around Vis neck and shoulders spread her autumn colored leaves.. taking in the bright sun. The other three gave a breath of pure awe.. The Outlands were full of rocky and mountainous terrain. Great mountains could be seen in the distance, their might and elegance seen plain and true even in the most distant horizons. "OOOUGH WHERE DO WE GO FIRST?! THE MOUNTAINS? THE PLAINS? THAT GIANT CLIFF?? OR- OR MAYBE WE COULD SEE WHATS OUT AT SEA OVER THERE!!" Squealed the VERY excited honeybee! "I'm not sure Vi! But my.. it is truly beautiful.. just as the tales foretold!" replied Kabbu. Looking just as giddy as Vi! The sun shining onto his iridescent green shell. "We feel like we've entered an entirely different realm. We can already feel an abundance of magic and energy here.." Leif remarked, spreading his navy blue and pale yellow accented wings. "Yeah yea, but can you imagine what kinda crazy treasure we could fine here? I heard this place is ancient as HELL!" "If I recall correctly Vi, The Outlands were settled eons before Bugarias continent was! It was filled with ancient scattered kingdoms." Kabbu knelt and placed his clawed hand on the ground, as if he were resting his claws on a monument of ancient history and peering into its secrets. "Hundreds of years ago, these lands were barren wastes. Polluted and corrupted with a dark substance.. These Outlands were once called The Wastelands, lawless and filled with mad bugs. That is why these scattered kingdoms existed. In a world devoid of life and law, someone had to do something." "Are these lands not still devoid of law? Law only exists in those kingdoms still we'd imagine." Inquired Leif. Kabbu stands back up and looks at his moth friend. "Well, yes and no. Some of the rulers of these lands keep an eye on the Outlands as a means of protecting potential citizens." Vi looked at Kabbu and raised a brow, "Jeez how do you even know all this stuff Kabbu?" "Well! If we planned on visiting this place, we might as well get to know it's history a little better." Vi shrugged, "Meh, fair. But hey, there's a lotta history in treasure toooo.~" "We anticipated a response like that. Lets not dally then. Kabbu, you know more about this place than either of us, do you know where we could head first?" Kabbu hummed wonderingly. "We could potentially head for the mountains, there are a fair few kingdoms there and we could stock up on supplies for the rest of our journey!" "FUCK YEA MOUNTAINS!!" Vi cheered, much to Kabbus displeasure hearing her curse like that again. "VI!! Watch your language!". Leif proceeded only to laugh.

It had been a long day, traveling to the base of the mountains. Bandits and beasts making attempts on their supplies and even their lives. Nothing they weren't used to really. Though there were a disturbing number of poachers. A dark stain from the Wastelands past economic practices; slaying bugs and selling valuable parts of them to the black market. Primarily wings, fluff, horns, hard shells and stingers, unique defenses of specific bugs, even certain pheromones to lure in bugs like ants. To say that their encounters with the poachers did not shake the group up a fair amount.. would be a dirty lie. They triumphed, but were still very on edge if they could harvest them. The sun began to set however, and the quartet was weary from the long day. Not a bad day, only a long one. Whimsy tainted by the reminder that the life of an explorer was still a dangerous one. Regardless, the team kept their spirits up. Knowing that the next day would bring great discovery! Following a nice meal and usual banter expected of their team, Team Snakemouth set up their temporary beds, and went to sleep for the night. Though one member of the team was far less of a deep sleeper than the others.. hearing faint, yet heavy footsteps, caused on of Vis antennae to perk up. She perked up, slowly looking around the area.. bathed in moonlight, yet sheltered from it in some areas with the rocks and shelter of the mountain and nearby terrain. But she could clearly see it. In the distance.. a tall, large and shadowed figure a fair distance from the team. It's silhouette was not one that Vi could identify, it appeared to have multiple horns, but the rest of its body held no defining traits. No abdomen, no wings, just a horned head and a long cloak.. as well as.. something spilling from its head that nearly dragged against the ground. Was... this even a bug? The lack of identifying features deeply frightened the bee. She remembered the last time she saw something like this. The reminder of the canniness of the Dead Landers shot a spine straight through her of pure fear and stress. This was... big. Not nearly as big as that.. thing with those large orange eyes was.. but it was still big whatever it was. Vi, now thoroughly terrified, slowly grabbed her beemerang and slowly approached the large rock that sheltered them from outside sight. Slowly she turned back to look at the figure. They appeared to sit down, back against the base of the mountain, sifting through items that Vi could not properly see due to the lighting. She squints to try and get a better look, before her heart was thrown into the base of her stinger. It looked at her. Two bright blue sparks for eyes stared directly at her. As quick as she could she immediately ducked back behind the rock, stifling any and every sound she made by desperately covering her mouth. Claws digging into her cheeks as fear overtook her. Dammit! Being stuck in this sort of situation scared the hell out of her, no, terrified her beyond words, but at this point she was starting to grow frustrated. They were fighters goddammit! Not cowards! Her and the others took out way worse than this, she- they could do this! So then why would her limbs not move an inch? Why was she still paralyzed with horror despite her frustration and rebellion against these intense feelings of fear?? She held her beemerang in a death grip, shaking intensely, which only grew worse when those footsteps began to approach once again. Move. MOVE! "VI! KABBU! CHOMPY! ON YOUR GUARD!" yelled out another voice. The familiar crack of Leifs magic smacking against the carapace of an enemy bug, as the large figure stumbled backwards with a grunt. Leif stood over his resting spot, glowing with that cold, blue magic. Kabbu and Chompy following suit. Chompy let out a horrendous roar, the chomper had grown in size since the teams first adventure, and while not as big as the mother she would eventually become, she was still quite formidable. Horrifyingly, the other "bug" let out an enormous and otherworldly sounding roar in response, as the appendages that came down its head flared up like black vines. Even Chompy recoiled at the sight. The creature leaped back, drawing a large sword and glaring with those bright blue eyes. "Vi!" Kabbu looked over to the trembling bee. "Come on, it's okay. Lets take care of this!" He held out his hand to help her up. Snapping out of her paralysis, she glared a serious look at Kabbu. "R-right!". The dark figure loomed over all four of them. Squinting at them as they readied for battle. "Four on one don't seem too fair.." it spoke.. it's voice, surprisingly normal sounding, though it had a sort of accent that struck the four as unfamiliar. "Yeah?! And NEITHER DOES SNEAKING UP ON A GROUP WHILE THEY'RE ASLEEP!!" Shouted Vi, anger and fear clear in her young voice. She threw the beemerang with all of her might, making a sharp CRACK as it made contact with the beast. It growled.. "I was doin no such thin' lil girl! I saw you gettin' a good look at me while I was lookin' through mah thin's!" Kabbus expression lightened a bit, "Wait- then maybe this was a misunderstanding?". The creature huffed, "S'fine. M' a big guy after all.. tend t'scare a few bugs out ere.. but since ya'll got up wantin' a fight then lets have one!" The creatures voice went from a gruff, tired and frustrated tone, to sounding as if it had all the energy in the world with the prospect of a battle. "BRING IT ON BIG GUY!! WE'LL WIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOU!!" Vi angrily shouted. Kabbu and Leif looked to one another, Vi's rage evident in her tone and posture. Kabbu and Leif knew there was no bringing her back from that, but they couldn't simply leave her to fight alone. They straightened themselves out once more. The creature turned out to be quite quick for its size, and it was able to take one hell of a beating. The Team would need to react quickly to block and chip away at its health. Saving Team Points primarily for healing and reviving, as well as low cost special attacks. Unlike The Everlasting King, it could heal but it could not steal health from them, and healing spent its entire turn. What sucked however was that his defense was high and his attacks hit hard. It was tough for sure, multiple times the team would go down, but they got right back up thanks to Kabbus pep talk and Vis shared stash. Eventually, for as long as the fight went on, it eventually ended with Team Snakemouth as the victors. As the beast finally fell, the light of dawn spilled over the land. Everyone was weary and very injured. The beast chuckled, "Good fight... hh..hhh.. ain't had one like that n' a while I gotta say. Good job.." "Who.. hhh. are you.?" "And more importantly WHAT are you..?" Kabbu asked before quickly being interrupted by Vi. With the light of dawn more of the beat became visible. Its horned head was an off-white shell, that looked almost like a mask, even the right side of it had a long crack that stretched from the top of its head to the base of its chin with some grass stains littering it in some places. It wore a black and grey patchwork cloak with a blue medal clipped to it and lastly, it's eyes. Not fully blue, in fact mostly black with blue pupils that looked like sapphire rings. What spilled down from its head however? None of the bugs could identify. It wasn't antennae, or fur, and while they somewhat looked like vines, they were smooth and black and even appeared to glimmer as if they were wet. "M'names Finnley. M' from a far away Kingdom ere.. betcha mighta heard uh Hallownest. But guessin yer not quite sure what I am thats- actually a toss up huehue!" Kabbu perked up a little bit. Despite his exhaustion, he couldn't help but be excited. "I have heard mentions of that place, yes! But its whereabouts and information I am unfortunately unaware of." It was hard to tell, but Finnleys face appeared.. vaguely happy.. despite lacking a mouth and appearing more like a mask. "Well. S'where me n all my kind 're from. We're vessels, n all of us 'r siblin's too! Ya might actually run intuh a few'uh us out ere!" Leif canted his head slightly, "Vessels. An odd name for a species of bug.." "Yeah and how are ALL of you siblings?" Vi interjected, skeptical of Finnleys claims. "Well it's a long ass story, one ion't think you'd wanna hear all of from me. But you stick round long enough you'll find out soon enough. S'pretty common knowledge ere." Finnley perks up a bit. "Oh! Shit I should probably heal yall up actually. Er, gunna need t' hold yalls hands t'do it though, if ya don' mind." Leif extended his hand, aware of what this could be. He's proven correct when white energy swirls around Finnley, moving over to Leif. Patching up his wounds. Soul focus. An ability utilized by only gods, higher beings and powerful mages. Kabbu and Vis eyes widened. "Woah what the hell?? How did you do that??" Asked Vi, amazed. "Soul Focus." spoke Leif. "But we believed only higher beings, gods and powerful mages could do something like that.. we did not take you to be any of those things." "S'a long story, again, like I said. But ey. S'th' least I can do after scarin yuhs." Finnley chuckles before healing Kabbu, Vi and Chompy as well. "Thank you kindly Finnley. We should likely introduce ourselves as well come to think.. My name is Kabbu. This is Leif, this is Vi, and this.." he lifts up the chomper plant. "Is Chompy!". Finnley giggles again, stroking Chompys head with his finger. "D'aw! Cutie pie! S'one hell of a murder machine but a cutie pie nontheless." "We agree wholeheartedly." Agreed Leif. After a while of speaking, Finnley gave the group a map of the Outlands, as well as what places to avoid, and a list of hotspots to rest up and stock up before actually making it to a kingdom. "If yer thinkin' uh goin up t'the mountains, ah'd suggest goin t' Xhalyun. Eroanne's nearby Xhalyun too n both 'r cold as hell, but Xhalyun shit is a helluva lot cheaper than Eroanne, closer too." Finishing that thought he handed Kabbu the map, to which he made a delighted squeak of excitement. "Thank you kindly, Finnley. Despite first impressions I am very glad to have run into you!" Leif nods in agreement as Finnley lifts up his bag. "Ain't no problem sir. I wish ya'll luck out there. N hey, maybe if we meet again ya'll can tell me shit bout Bugaria. Been wantin t'head over there myself someday." "Oh you'd love it there! It's a wonderful place.." Finnley nodded, before kneeling down to Vi. "Ay kid, sorry fer scarin' ya." He holds out his hand and Vi raises a brow. "Let's battle again sometime aight?" Vi hesitates for a second before her usual smirk returns to her, placing her hand in his for a handshake. "Abso-goddamn-lutely heheh!! Better be a bigger challenge next time though!!" Finnley gave a great laugh and stood back up again. "You too kiddo! If you ain't gettin better ain't no damn point in it! I'll catch ya'll later uh?" "For certain. Take care." remarked Leif with a smile, as both teams parted ways.

As the towering Vessel took his leave.. he chuckled to himself.. "..Seeker.. Wanderer.. I wish ya'll could come with me when I go t'Bugaria.. I know ya'll'd love diggin' intuh th' place.." "...Maybe one day we will.. I'd love that."  

[ssa-montgomery]

Absolutely Smitten

Word Count: 1980

Summary: Addison arrives home late on Valentine's to the perfect surprise from her girlfriend and it turns out to be the best Valentine's Day she's ever had.

Characters: Meredith x Addison, Mark Sloan

Warnings: Fluff, kissing, alcohol, whole lotta romance

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope you all enjoy this heap of fluff that I wrote for the occasion, I had almost forgotten about Valentine's so I'm glad I managed to get this finished in time hahaha.

Feedback is what motivates me to work so please let me know what you think! Reblogs are also greatly appreciated.

Taglist is open!

Masterlist

The attending's lounge was quiet when Addison finally made her way inside after her surgery. Her surgery had run overtime and almost everybody else had already headed home for the night. She took a glance at the clock and sighed, it was already half ten and she was still here. She had hoped she could finish early today because as cliche as it was she loved Valentine's Day and all the big romance gestures that went with it. She had hoped to spend as much of the day as she could with the woman she loved. Unfortunately being a surgeon didn't always allow for that. Addison was so lost in her thoughts that it took her a moment to notice Mark standing next to her locker, watching her with an almost knowing grin on his face. Like a child with some secret he knew he couldn't tell but desperately wanted to.

"Mark, what are you still doing here?" She asked walking over to stand in front of him. "Don't you have a date?"

"Little Grey's only getting out of surgery now too so we're heading out to our double date with Torres and Robbins now, just came to pick her up. Plus, someone asked me to drop off a delivery." Mark explained winking at Addison as he said the last sentence. Addison was too exhausted after her surgery to question what Mark was trying to imply so instead she simply laughed at his strange mood and shook her head.

"Happy Valentine's Day Mark, enjoy your dinner."

"Happy Valentine's Day Red." Mark ruffled Addison's hair and pressed a quick, friendly kiss to her temple as he moved past her towards the door to leave.

Once Mark had left the room, letting the door swing close behind him, Addison shrugged off her labcoat and made her way over to her locker to get ready to leave for the night. It was only when she opened her locker door that she realised what Mark had meant by delivery. Gently laid inside was a bouquet of deep red roses, the stems wrapped in brown paper with a piece of red string tied around then. There was a white piece of card threaded onto the string but Addison didn't need to read it to know who they were from. Still, she smiled a warm fuzzy feeling spreading through her chest when she turned it over and saw the neat handwriting printed on the back.

Happy Valentine's Day Addison, I can't wait to see you when you get home. I love you so much. - Meredith.

Addison was certain she was the luckiest woman in the world when it came to her amazing girlfriend. Meredith wasn't the hopeless romantic type and she knew the holiday's had never been her favourite which always made her gestures that much more special. Knowing that Meredith tried because they were Addison's favourite times of the year. She took her phone from her locker and sent her a quick text to let her know she was on her way home and started to change as quickly as she could.

~~~

When Addison finally arrived at the house it was late and everything seemed still and silent. Part of her was worried that Meredith might already be asleep but as she climbed the front steps she could see around the edges of the curtains that the lights in the living room were still on. She unlocked the front door - the bouquet tucked carefully under her arm - and stepped inside. The house was warm unlike the bitter cold had started to settle for the night outside and there was an amazing smell of food suddenly reminding Addison that she hadn't eaten since lunch that day.

"You're home!" Meredith greeted her with a bright smile, sticking her head around the doorway. She stepped out into the hall and shut the door to the living room behind her before Addison could look inside.

"I'm home." Addison nodded walking over to kiss her gently, cupping her cheek in her hand. "And you recruited Mark to bring me flowers at the hospital."

Meredith laughed taking the flowers from her and leading her out to the kitchen to place the roses in a vase of water she had ready on the counter. Addison didn't pay any attention to the fact that Meredith took the longer route to the kitchen rather than straight through the living room. She placed the vase of flowers down in the centre of the kitchen island and moved to stand with her back leaning against it.

"He was here already picking up some stuff for Lexie and I wanted to surprise you so I asked him to hide them in your locker."

"Well, consider me pleasantly surprised." Addison grinned at her reaching out to take her hand in hers. "And what can I smell because I am absolutely starving."

"Just some pizza. I thought you would be so it arrived just before you did. Here take these into the living room for me." Meredith handed two plates and wine glasses over to her before grabbing the pizza box off the counter herself.

Addison stopped in her tracks when she finally turned to look into the living room. Meredith had switched off the lights when she first left the room and it was now only lit by the dozens of candles in varying sizes scattered across every surface. The warmth of the house that she had felt when she first walked in was coming from the roaring fire that was giving off a satisfying crackle. There was already a bottle of red wine laying on the plush fur rug in front of the fire.

"Mer," She gasped turning to look at her and she simply smiled back. It was more than she had expected tonight, especially with her coming home late but it was beautiful and it meant the world to her that she had put in this much effort.

"As I said, I wanted to surprise you. I know how much you love Valentine's Day." Meredith's voice was laced with a loving tone as she watched Addison's reaction.

"It's amazing Meredith, I love you."

"I love you too." Meredith leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before making her way over to sit down in front of the fire, tucking her legs up underneath herself as she did.

Addison took a seat next to her and opened the bottle of wine pouring it into each of the glasses, taking her time to make sure she didn't spill any onto the rug below them and handed one over to Meredith who happily accepted it. Addison took a sip of her wine before tearing herself off a slice of pizza and immediately tucking into the food.

"Oh my god, this tastes amazing. I was so hungry." She groaned around a mouth full of pizza.

"You always are after surgery." Meredith chuckled at her girlfriend as she leaned forward and grabbed a slice for herself. She had started to learn little things like that about Addison since they started dating and now she always had some form of food ready for her when she got out of surgery, even if she still barely knew how to operate the oven without the risk of burning the house down.

"Did you get my little treats?" Addison asked once she had finished her slice. She had placed an order for her gifts for Meredith to be delivered today almost a month ago and she hoped everything had turned out okay with it.

"You mean the red velvet cupcakes and Victoria Secrets set that you had flown in from New York? Yes, they arrived this morning after you left. You really don't anything halfway do you?" She teased lifting her hand to wipe away a bit of sauce from Addison's mouth. She leaned into the contact and smiled at her.

"What can I say, I have a taste for the finer things in life." Addison laughed shifting to sit closer to Meredith so she could lean into her side while they ate together.

"I loved them, Addie, thank you." Meredith dropped a gentle kiss to her forehead and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her even closer to her. "I have another surprise for you after dinner."

"Oh yeah?" Addison questioned looking up at her curious expression. "I can't wait."

They spent the rest of their time eating swapping comfortable conversation about their days, from Addison's surgery to what Meredith had heard about everyone else's plans for the night. Nights like this were perfect, it was easy conversation and even when it occasionally fell into silence while they ate it never felt awkward. Addison was beyond grateful that she had someone she could be this close with and she cherished every minute.

Once they finished their food Meredith folded the box over again and tossed it out of the way while Addison topped up their glasses, emptying out the bottle of wine. The fire had died down to a calmer flame now and they knew it had to be late, nearing almost midnight but neither of them seemed to care. They had the next day off and it didn't matter if they slept in, in fact, it sounded rather ideal. Addison had stretched herself out across the rug, her head resting on Meredith's shoulder while she warmed her feet in front of the fire, her heels now kicked off on the floor next to them. Meredith gently held Addison's face in her hand, tilting her chin up so she was looking directly into her eyes.

"I love you, Addison. I never thought I could love one person in my life this much until I met you, and you drove me crazy when I first met you. You were so confident and I was so terrified of the way you made me feel. I never thought you could feel that way about me too until that first night that you told me you loved me and I fell even harder for you. I don't ever want to lose that feeling. I was afraid to tell you how I felt then but now I want to be able to tell you every single day."

"Meredith," Addison said slowly as she moved to sit up properly in front of her. Her heart was racing at the possibility of what Meredith was about to say. "What are you saying?"

"Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery," Meredith slipped her hand into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a small black box, opening it to reveal a simple silver band ring with a large diamond sitting on top of it. "I am asking you to marry me."

Addison could feel tears beginning to well up in the corners of her eyes as she stared at her in shock. She felt frozen to the spot at first, she couldn't believe this was actually happening. She was certain that it had to be a dream. But the nervous look on her face as she waited for her response told her this was real, Meredith actually wanted to marry her. Before Meredith could say anything else Addison threw her arms around her neck knocking them both back onto the rug as she landed on top of her. There were now tears falling freely down her cheeks as she pressed kisses all over Meredith's face.

"Is that a yes?" Meredith laughed breathlessly as she tightened her arms around her waist not wanting to let go of her a second sooner than she had to.

"Yes! Yes, yes it's a yes. Of course, it's a yes." Addison gushed finally stopping her assault of kisses so she could let Meredith slip the ring onto her finger. "I love you so much."

"I love you more," Meredith whispered brushing Addison's tears away while she pulled her into a deep loving kiss, holding the woman she planned on spending the rest of her life with in her arms.

Taglist: @marauder-level-chaos​

[lilhemmo]

i want a sweet pea x reader fic!!!!! i saw all the stuff you reblogged and i wanna read your take on it all! the tropes i pick - bar!au and flirting under fire and (if you can fit it in) injured!fic - thank you in advanced!!!!! i'm a big fan of your stuff!!

send me two au’s from THIS list + a ship/character 

a/n: bear with me… this is a long one! read more under the cut!!

-

How the Whyte Wyrm became Switzerland, you’ll never know.

After your high school years, you took off for a four year degree that was anywhere but Riverdale. Your mom got sick and you had to come back home, back to Riverdale.

Betty and Jughead never left, and neither did Archie. Josie made it out, as did Kevin, and you thought you did. Yet here you are, standing in front of the Whyte Wyrm.

“Stop being such a baby,” Jughead nudges your side with his elbow. “No one is going to care that you’re a filthy Northsider.”

Your jaw drops and he winks before pushing open the wooden doors and letting the sound out into the open.

“Aye, Jughead!” A chorus of people shout out. Jughead is apparently some sort of pseudo-leader of people now. His father may be sheriff, but he runs the town.

Jughead makes his rounds, his serpent jacket standing out in the neon lights of the Wyrm. He hugs and shakes hands, and while he’s busy, Betty leans into your shoulder and asks, “Wanna get a drink? He could take a while.”

Together you laugh as you make your way to the bar. Betty taps it with closed fists, “You know what to do, Sweet Pea.”

You can’t help it when your eyes snap up to meet the bartender’s. Your lips break out into a smile as you recognize who is standing behind the counter.

“Sweet Pea?” you ask incredulously. In a second you’re reaching over the bar to wrap him up in a hug, or at least what you can grab of him, and you kiss his cheek, “Holy cow, it’s been a long time.”

“Yeah,” he smirks, pouring two glasses full of liquid. “Years, huh?”

The scent of alcohol burns your nose but you can’t stop grinning. Sweet Pea is taller now, and he’s completely filled out from shoulders to toes. He looks stronger, healthier - he’s probably getting a full meal now that he’s on his own and he doesn’t have to worry about anyone else. There’s a different light in his eyes now.

“How’ve you been?” you lean onto the bar with your forearms.

He goes to answer just as a table is flipped in the south corner of the bar. Sweet Pea rolls his eyes and walks out from behind the bar, “Fellas, c’mon! You’re paying for that!”

“SP, get over it!” a drunken old Serpent shouts from where he’s staggering behind the tossed table. Sweet Pea huffs, shaking his head, “Toad, c’mon. Go on home.”

A waitress walks by and Toad reaches out to grab her but she’s quick to snag him by the wrist and twist just enough to make it hurt. Three more older Serpents stand behind him, enforcers of some sort. Jughead materializes from where he was speaking with a few old classmates and stands beside Sweet Pea.

Someone does something too quick, makes a noise that someone else doesn’t like, and suddenly beer bottles are flying and pool sticks are snapping.

You find yourself dodging small knives and breaking wrists. You hurt some of them just enough to keep them down, to keep them from slashing at your ankles, and others you knock out against pool tables and the tabletop of the bar.

“Thought this place was Switzerland?” you shout over the commotion, catching Sweet Pea’s eye. He smirks over his shoulder at you, a devilish glint in his eye, “S’posed to be. Can’t always tame the snakes, sweetheart.”

“No,” you lick your lips and grin, “Guess you can’t.”

You’re back-to-back with Sweet Pea, pushing and shoving off of one another to help each other and watch one another’s backs. The adrenaline from hand-to-hand combat and the loud music playing in the background push you forward, making you bare your teeth as they try to come after you.

A few manage to slice at your skin, but the pain is but a blink as you grab one of them by the shoulders and slam them into the pool table beside you. You grab a pool ball and use it as a weapon, warning those who might try to best you.

“So, you come here often?” Sweet Pea shouts over his shoulder. You can hear the smirk in his voice. “I bet I can get the owner to give you a discount!”

“Oh really?” you project your voice over the music. Your lips tug up in a smile as you sweep an attacker’s feet out from under him. “He’s pretty hot, you think you could put a good word in for me?”

Sweet Pea falters and you reach across the space between your bodies to push the assailant away from him. He reacts a second too late and gets a knife to his hip, but the pain only pushes him further into the violence instead of distracting him from it.

“I, uh, I’ll think about it!” Sweet Pea uppercuts into an oncoming junkie, knocking them onto the floor. He steps over them to get to the next person, “Where did you learn to fight like this?!”

“Classes while I was in college! I, uh, I got jumped one night on my way back to my dorm and so I decided I’d never be taken advantage of again.” You have a half-moment to look at him, to catch his eye, before the carnage continues. The sadness in his dark eyes is palpable, but you smile to try and take some of the burden off of him.

“Well,” Sweet Pea grabs at his knife wound and you can see the pain that flashes over his features. He smiles up at you halfheartedly, “I think it’s pretty hot. Maybe you can give me some private lessons later?”

“Oh yeah?” you chuckle, your eyes crinkling at the sides. This was not how you expected your night to go. You kick an ex-Ghoulie in the abdomen and send them reeling, “You telling me that you and all those muscles need tutoring on how to kick ass?”

Sweet Pea smirks, resisting the urge to grab your arm and haul you over to him, “Me and all these muscles, huh?”

As if to rub it in, he flexes even more dramatically as he punches the next attacker. You laugh together and he steps over the unconscious bodies in front of him towards the bar.

“Now you’ve got me all hot and bothered,” he grunts as he hops over the top of the bar. He disappears for a moment before standing upright with a shotgun in his hands.

You can’t help the smirk that rolls your lips together or the spike of heat that burns in your belly. Sweet Pea cocks the gun and everyone’s head turns his way.

“Wyrm is closed for the night!” he shouts. He looks directly at you, “Got some personal business to finish up, and you assholes are pissing me off!”

Someone in the crowd lurches forward as if to challenge him, and Sweet Pea shoots the shotgun in their general direction but far enough away as not to hurt anybody.

The bodies scatter, what is left of them, and Jughead resurfaces from a corral of people who make their way out. He laughs, “Well, it’s been a while since the Wyrm has had a brawl like that.”

“Lotta help you were, fearless leader,” Sweet Pea snarls as he shoves the gun back under the bar. Jughead sighs, “What can I say? I missed the Serpent lifestyle.”

Sweet Pea chuckles and slaps Jug on the back, hugging him from the side. He shakes his head, “Well I can’t fault you for-ah.”

The tallest Serpent crumbles to his knees and you can’t help but fall with him. You hold his cheeks in your hands as you watch the color drain from them. His skin is normally so tan and warm, but it’s cold now.

“Sweets,” you whisper as his hand comes away from his side coated in blood. He licks his lips but they’re cracked. You feel heat in your cheeks and your eyes but you refuse to believe you’re crying over Sweet Pea the Serpent.

“Damn, I forgot about that one,” he chuckles, swallowing so thickly his throat bobs. You bite your lip and look up at Betty and Jughead, who are currently just as terrified as you. Something in you snaps and you steel your expression before turning back to the owner of the bar, “Can you walk?”

You manage to get him into the bathroom, sitting on the bathtub as you tend to his wound. Sweet Pea aches as he tilts his back away from you to give you more room to work.

“Take this off,” you mutter, tugging on his shirt. It’s sticking to the skin around his wound and getting in your way.

He smirks, even with the pallor gone from him skin, “If you wanted my clothes off, all you had to do was ask, babe.”

You cut your eyes at him but can’t stop the blush from coloring your cheeks, “Now is not the time, Sweets. You’ve been stabbed.”

“Eh,” he shrugs despite himself, “it’s just another Friday night.”

You stare him down and he raises his arms as high as he can with his given injury, “Alright, alright, I get it - you’re scary.”

Silence falls between the two of you as you go about swiping the crusted blood away from his wound and cleaning the area. Sweet Pea’s jaw clenches as you swipe the rag over the cut.

You look up at him, your bodies nefariously close. You blink twice to try and gather yourself but it’s not enough because he’s still too close and you can’t breathe when he’s looking at you like that.

“Sweets,” your voice breaks as he touches your cheek with his shaking palm. You lick your lips and fight the tears in your eyes, “We should go to a doctor - a real doctor. Not me in this shoddy bathroom with a couple of wipes and some antiseptic.”

“Then I’ll have to report everything that happened tonight and I don’t want to get anyone in trouble,” he says roughly, his voice breathless. Sweet Pea continues to grin at you despite the pain etched in his voice. “It’s just a bar fight, nothing to get too excited about.”

“Just a bar fight?” you repeat.

He tugs his shirt over his head as if to try and distract you, and it almost works, because you’re looking at the contours of his body and the sinew of his muscle. Your mouth goes dry but you still speak, “Pea, I don’t-”

“S’okay,” he shakes his head, leaning closer to you. “Just do it.”

Sweet Pea drops his head to your shoulder and you pierce the first stitch into his side and tears leak from both of your eyes.

-

You’re wrapped up in a blanket, sitting in front of the fire, when Sweet Pea makes his way down from the loft. You’re quick to your feet, slotting yourself under his arm to guide him to the couch. You share your blanket around his shoulders and it’s easy as you fall together.

“How’re you feeling?” you ask him quietly as not to break the atmosphere.

“M’better now,” he answers. Sweet Pea looks up at you and you’re not sure if its the warmth from the fire or if he’s actually feeling better because the color is back in his cheeks. He nods in your direction, “Thanks to you.”

You lift up the corner of his shirt to examine your handy-work, but wince when you see the ragged stitches holding his skin together.

“I’m sorry,” you choke on your words, tears burning your eyes.

“Hey,” his voice is soft. He frames your cheeks with his palms and the blanket falls from his frame. “I’m the idiot who didn’t go to a hospital, or call the usual Serpent doctor. It’s not your fault.”

Sweet Pea’s forehead drops to press against yours and you feel his nose bump into your own. You bite your lip and squint hard enough to push all the tears from your ducts.

“Can we get back around to the part where you called me hot earlier?” Sweet Pea smirks, staring you straight in the eyes. His hands smooth your hair back and he scoots closer to you so your knees are touching.

One of his arms releases you to bring your legs over the top of his own, despite the injury plaguing his hip. You grab his wrist and push it toward your hip, praying he gets the message.

“Are you planning on sticking around?” he asks, his voice vulnerable. Sweet Pea’s eyes give him away, blatantly telling you that he can’t do this if you won’t stay. He shakes his head, “I-I can’t-”

You lean up and touch your lips to his, your hands on the nape of his neck. Your eyes shutter closed and you feel the exhale of his gasp against your mouth. His teeth knock against yours as you pull away.

“I’m here,” you tell him. Your voice is solid, clear, and he knows that you’re speaking the truth.

“I-I’m sorry,” he shakes his head and chuckles thickly, eyes shining. Sweet Pea swipes under his nose, but misses the tear on his cheek. You smile and reach up to wipe it away, “Sweets, don’t go getting sentimental on me.”

He licks his lips to try and cover his smile, “I, uh, I just didn’t ever expect to see you back here.”

“I had to get away,” you shrug, brushing your thumbs over his cheek bones. “But now, for some reason, Riverdale has reeled me back in, led me back to everyone.”

“Maybe it led you back to me,” he whispers.

You snap your eyes up to him, a heavy weight sitting on your chest. His palm runs through your hair and he pulls you closer by your hip, “I-I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Sweets,” you shake your head and try to push the weight down into your stomach. You tousle your hands in his hair and that one lonesome curl still tickles his forehead. You smile, “I missed you. We spent a lot of time together senior year.”

“Yeah,” he echoes, his eyes tilting downward and away from your gaze. “We did.”

You gently tilt his chin upward so he can look you in the eyes again and there’s a cloudiness there that a Serpent would never show to anyone else. You lick your lips before admitting, “I didn’t know you felt the same.”

“Doesn’t matter now,” he whispers, tucking a stray lock of hair from your eyes.

You shake your head in agreement, “No, Sweets, it doesn’t.”

And then he kisses you until you’re breathless. 

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2018)

For the past twelve years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. Although this year was really, really bad, oh lord... This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

 The Promises I Made (2018 edition)

1) I will be less anxious at work and not let passing comments from students or passive rudeness get under my skin as much. Status: Somewhat kept; I feel like I wasn’t as upset by students being rude this year as last year, but then again that might just be because I had better students. XD

2) I will be more proactive about my responsibilities for the college newspaper committee so we can make a great product. Status: Uhh… Can I count this as kept if the newspaper committee was put on hold due to decisions from the higher administration, so I didn’t have to be proactive about these responsibilities?

3) I will actually visit Mexico, not just accidentally take a wrong turn and end up there... Status: Broken. You know how some people like live next door to a restaurant for years but somehow never get around to trying it? Yeah that’s me, with the entire country of Mexico. Like, I literally live less than a mile from the border… I really should just go get lunch one day or something…

4) I will actually decorate my office with all the stuff I have had sitting around at my house for months. Status: Actually kept. I don’t feel like the decorating is really done in the office, but the decorations are no longer cluttering up my actual home instead of the office!

5) I will be better about focusing so that I can grade quickly and feel less overwhelmed throughout the course of the semester. Status: You know, it’s hard to say whether or not I did grade more quickly because spring semester I took on a really annoying class schedule and it screwed me over hard. I feel like I was a little faster this year, but I felt more overwhelmed than ever.

6) I will get the scratch on my Camaro buffed a bit to clear up the parts that can be cleared. Status: I just… didn’t do this. Broken.

7) I will repair the mortar on the fence outside the Utah house and seal the bricks on the window sills. Status: Somewhat kept/broken. I fixed the mortar on the fence outside but did not seal the windowsill bricks.

8) I will finish at least 26 books over the course of this year. Status: Look man. If my promise had been “Finish 26 fanfics longer than 100,000 words,” I would have blown this promise out of the water. But as it stands, I think I only made it to 10-ish printed books. I’m naughty. 9) I will retrim the grape vine at the Utah house and also spray/get someone to spray to kill the wasps. Status: Broken. I don’t know why I thought it would be smart to make a promise about trimming the grape vine, since that’s something you do in fall… when I’m not even in Utah… Hrmmmm… 10) I will get the mail man to stop delivering the wrong mail to my box because I’m getting ten times more mail for other people than for myself. Status: I had so many opportunities to do this, and I just didn’t. RIP.

11) I will have the fire escape window installed on the Utah house to make it legal to rent. Status: Broken. That’s a lotta money fam.

12) I will update Home and a Half at least four times (and no more double posts, just be chill Yehn, be chill for once…) Status: WOW. I was so, so optimistic, wasn’t I? 13) I will actually build all the furniture I bought for the Texas house and never assembled. Status: Mostly kept? I think there’s like one more thing I haven’t assembled (the spare futon), but up to this point I haven’t needed it, so...

14) I will actually watch Stranger Things since everyone keeps nagging me about it. Status: Broken. I just didn’t do this at all.

15) I will go to a dentist and get this annoying wisdom tooth removed and also see what can be done for my front tooth that got pushed out of alignment by said wisdom tooth. This really needs to happen ‘cause the partially erupted tooth is killing me. D; Status: Wisdom tooth is still hurting me… I am the worst at taking care of myself… 2019… the year of self-care?

16) I will take a road trip with my friend Karen like we’ve been talking about for a while. Status: Actually did this! Finally something completely kept. It was a great trip too.  

17) I will continue to serve as the video game club’s faculty sponsor. Status: I was too busy… T_T Broken.

18) I will lower my credit card debt by at least $2000. Moving is so expensive. T_T Status: I ended up having major set-backs this year in the form of having to pay out of pocket for a new windshield in my car and also my Playstation flat out dying on me, so this goal did not get satisfied. But now that my car is completely paid off (hell yeah!), I’ll finally be able to start making big payments on this sucker.

19) I will have ALL my lesson plans planned out in advance for Fall 2018 so that I can just chill next fall. Status: YO THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. There were still some instances of needing to fix things, but overall I did actually have all the lessons done in advance, and that was probably the only reason I survived fall at all lol.

20) I will finish painting the living room in the Utah house, finally. Status: I… forgot I even made this promise. Yikes.

21) I will be better about walking my dog because I have been slacking lately. Status: I wanted to be better, but every fucking time I go to walk my dog, the neighbor’s Chihuahua runs through their fence and tries to attack my dog, so literally every walk becomes a nightmare and there were a lot of days when I just didn’t want to deal with that stress… :/

22) I will finish a game other than FFXIV this year. Man, so many games have been piling up… Status: I couldn’t even find time to play FFXIV this year, let alone another game… 23) I will write a new, original short story. Status: I… did not write like at all this year. 2018 was just really hard for me. T_T

24) I will get my black glasses fixed this year, finally. Status: Uh… Kept… I think? At least I think this promise was referring to the damage to the frames of my black glasses, which I did get fixed. But now the lens has a scratch… V_V

25) I will attend more professional development/on-campus events and trainings to bolster my evaluation. Status: Eh, kept? I’m signed up for a conference and did some extra training thing that I can throw on the sheet, so I’m calling it good.

26) I will ink and color at least the one drawing of Yehn’zi that I finished sketching a while ago and did absolutely nothing with. Status: A whole lot of nope on this one.

27) I will really finish moving in to my Texas house, no more “I’ll fish out the clothes from the Space Bag when I need them but never actually hang them up.” Status: I’m counting this as kept, since the only thing that didn’t happen is that I never took the plastic wrap off the top of my nightstand, but like… hey that’s a really convenient way to avoid water spots so…

28) I will volunteer at a non-profit organization to fulfill my “service to the community” work requirement. I mean, I will volunteer from the goodness of my heart… yeah… Status: Shitttt this didn’t happen and it really needed to… Oh dear…

29) I will level ALL my classes to 70 in Stormblood. Status: This also did not happen. No time to play.

30) I will reach 1000 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m only marginally a waste of time and space. Status: Kept and exceeded! I’m at like… 1540-ish right now I believe.

31) I will find a salon so I can get my hair dyed consistently instead of looking like a shabby blob half way through each semester. Status: Well, the good news is that my hair color fades so nicely that one of my students actually asked if the strawberry blonde was my natural color. But uh… no… it’s not… so…

32) I will find some way to pay back my coworker for all the incredibly nice things she has done for me already. Status: I mean, I took her out to lunch a lot but I don’t know if I really managed to feel “equal” on the debts I owe her for helping me out.

33) I will see an Anhinga (it’s a kind of bird!) in Texas. Status: Kept! The very first time I went looking for it, I found it, so score.

34) I will win Camp NaNoWriMo this year (because November might never be a possibility for me again, given how much grading I seem to end up doing during that month). T_T Status: Broken. Again, I wrote almost nothing this year. Too much stress. T_T

35) I will scout for new neighborhoods to move to with better internet access and closer to my work. Status: Kept. It’s still a bit too early for me to be looking for specific places, but I have a better sense of where I’ll be aiming for when I do go to buy something.

36) I will try to get better at Spanish, possibly by using my DuoLingo app more. Status: …Broken.

37) I will buy sod for the front part of the Utah house so that my house actually looks decent from the curb. Status: I COULD HAVE… But I didn’t.

38) I will be more proactive about commenting, reccing, and reblogging content I appreciate online because I find so many wonderful things but I rarely say as much about them as I should. Status: I think I was worse about this than last year. I miss the days when I didn’t feel like every five minutes taken to myself was stealing from my work responsibilities…

39) I will actually use my Instagram account to upload my photography somewhere public. Status: I forgot I made this promise too. Oops…

40) I will go dolphin-watching in the Gulf. Status: Somewhat kept? I mean… I stood on the pier… And saw dolphins in the Gulf. That counts, right???

41) I will clear all the photos and videos off my phone and camera SD cards because they are overflowing. Status: Kept but now they’re just sitting on the hard drive unsorted and in a confusing jumble of unnamed folders...

42) I will update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Broken, just totally broken.

43) I will complete my series of posts about Yato/Hiyori. Really. Status: >___> One day…

44) I will not work later than 10pm on any given work night. I can’t keep running myself ragged. I need to brake sometimes. Status: HA. I was really hopeful. More broken promises…

45) I will explore some new places/cities in Texas that I have not been before. Status: I… did not do this. I had a chance to do this and I didn’t. D;

46) I will get a gardener for the Texas house because the lawn is basically unmanageable by myself. Status: Kept. Because… the lawn really was unmanageable by myself so…

47) I will clean out the fridge more often. No expired milk or ancient leftovers this year please… Status: >_____> Ooopppssss.

48) I will get some sort of watering system set up so that the lawn at the Texas house isn’t a total disaster anymore. Status: Somewhat kept. I did buy hoses and sprinklers to water the lawn but mostly it’s just been raining a lot and that made the grass greener on its own.

49) I will help make one of the super complicated cookies from the new cookie cookbook I bought for Karen. Status: Actually kept! We learned much about the workings of cookie guns.

50) I will keep these promises. Status: Ouch, this one hurts a little.

Totals Kept promises: 12 Broken promises: 29 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 9

Y I K E S ™. I thought last year was crazy and was so hopeful for this year… I had NO IDEA how hard this last year was going to be. So many broken promises; I feel so guiltyyyyy. DDDD; Although I’m still at the same job and not planning on dramatically swapping entire career fields again, things are still in the process of settling and there’s still SO much more I feel like I need to work on. 2018 was the year of being constantly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, 2019 doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much calmer because I’m still working on designing classes and getting my lessons ironed out, but I at least no longer feel like I’m at rock bottom… So, I’m cautiously, very cautiously, feeling the tiniest bit optimistic?

  Let’s do this, 2019! The new set of promises will be up by tomorrow.

[isroselalondebisexual]

What do you think Rose Egbert would be like? :0 And Dave Harley, John Lalonde, and Jade Strider

Rose Egbert, raised in a supportive, loving home environment, would probably still be fighty and punchy because I don’t think there’s a single parent in existence that could ever change that about her, but she’s also very likely going to be more inclined to wait until being PROMPTED before she lets loose her floods of salt and snark. So like, a pretty regular girl on first impressions, definitely deeply entrenched in her Hot Topic mall goth phase, wears chokers from Spencers and whatnot, but pretty friendly at face value and in all the advanced literature courses, has been in every psychology class the public education system offers. On the debate team. And so you’re like, cool, she’s on debate, that should be fun, she’s pretty well composed as a person I bet she has some good thoughts. And then you attend one of the debate matches. And you see a side of Rose Egbert you never knew existed and holy hot DAMN you’re not sure if you’re terrified or in love with her. Possibly both. Probably both. She’s quick witted alright, devastatingly intelligent and in this to WIN. Dad Egbert has all of her debate trophies (medals? I wasn’t in debate idk how these things work) displayed as proudly as he displayed his clown statues in the canon timeline. Her role as a Seer of Breath is to best free the timeline and her friendgroup from the clutches of the Literally-A-Demon Lord of Time, who seeks to enslave them, their timeline, and the universe to his whims, to become his playthings. Her role is to forsee the best route, not in terms of luck, but as a specific, pointed fuck you to Doc Scratch, Lord English, and everything associated with them. That part in canon where Rose is talking to Doc and he’s like “do you even still have that emotion?” or whatever and she’s like “Why, yes, it seems it’s all been mysteriously relocated to my middle finger. The dark magics are at it again.” Like that but times a thousand she is SMART she has FORESIGHT and she is going to FREE THEIR TIMELINE, BITCH.

Dave Harley grew up alone on an island with a magic dog and some weird chess folk, so first of all he doesn’t know what a gender is so jot that down, second of all what do you mean boys don’t like boys? Obviously boys like boys, he likes boys, u r foolish, u silly human culture you. So uh, you know how Dave is like, this huge massive attention whore in canon and he starts out “I’m so cool are you noticing me being cool and not caring over here”? Yeah no, immediately bypasses that, this boy wants ATTENTION so TALK TO HIM DAMMIT. His only real guide for physical touch has been a dog and some people who are not human so Personal Space Whomst? Dave is here, he is in your personal space, you are paying attention to him bitches. His collection of weird dead shit is even weirder, given that it is a Harley tradition to taxidermy weird shit and also he lives out on an island now. Probably takes the PRETTIEST photos of like, the island views and stuff, which he naturally posts online and gets a lot of likes and reblogs for which, good, give him that sweet sweet validation. His selfies are everywhere. Go like them. His role as the Knight of Space would be a pretty important one, he’s upholding the balance of the universe and breeding the new one and stuff, which basically just means he’s the weird frog dad now. You see all those frogs? Those are his babies. He loves them. Smorch. Dave ew don’t kiss frogs that’s gross. Dave does not care, Dave is gonna smooch those frogs bc he loves them and all their mutant little paradox offspring. Dave the frog whisperer. Whenever Karkat’s getting screechy he just like. Takes one out of his sylladex or his hood or pocket or SOMEWHERE and sets it delicately down in front of Karkat when he’s not looking and Karkat proceeds to screech and flip out and Dave laughs at him. This Dave is likely a lot more carefree, but doesn’t have a good grasp of concepts like “responsibility” or “giving people space.” A good and goofy kid, with some nice tasty abandonment issues probably thrown into the mix there somewhere. He doesn’t wanna be alone again.

John Lalonde very likely has a very bad grasp of what consequences are. If he breaks shit, they can just buy a new one, if he pranks someone a little too mean or says something that goes a little too far, his mom is easy to forgive him. My dear sweet ADHD child probably didn’t do too good in school and did a lot of class clowning tomfoolery but Mom Lalonde didn’t discipline him for it at home so threats of “I will call your mother if you don’t settle down” didn’t have much of an effect on him. He’s a good kid! Friendly and loving and affectionate, but if he fucks up he doesn’t take responsibility for it and pulls the “it was just a joke!” card way too frequently and doesn’t know how to actually apologize or fix his mistakes. But even though he’s very outwardly childish, he’s also surprisingly mature for his age, by way of like, opinions and stuff? Like he’ll say stuff and it’ll seem totally left field for him cause John you’re like, the funny dude of our group, but he’s also the one who knows how to disinfect wounds and the RIDICULOUS importance of making sure your older sibling knows who their DD is when they’re off drinking with their friends and while he doesn’t have an emotional reaction to traumatic events right off the bat (like in canon) he does do a VERY good job of responding pragmatically to them, and that’s kind of a result of yeah, his mom’s his buddy, and yeah, she lets him get away with anything, but no, John doesn’t really get the chance to be a kid ALL the time, and in part he acts out like this because he’s frustrated that he CAN’T fully be a kid, so he’s overcompensating. His role as the Heir of Light would be as somebody who embodies luck and intellect, which he doesn’t really feel like he can do. He’s not smart, right? He’s never done well in school. But he has really high emotional intelligence, and he’s got street smarts no 13 year old has any business having, and he eventually comes to realize that he is lucky. He’s very lucky. He’s got good friends who love him and who he loves, a strong team who can conquer the world, the universe, even a demon with the strength of a green sun, and when John comes to appreciate consequences and ramifications of their actions, he would be better able to understand how to use his powers to become the luckiest little shit in the universe, and could look death in the face with confidence because he understands, now, he’s realized some things, some the easy way and some lessons were painfully hard, but he’s confident in what he’s doing and he’s got his friends at his back.

Jade Strider, I hate to say it, but I think she would end up a very meek individual. Very, very hypervigilant, aware of everyone’s mood around her and this HUGE people pleaser, because as far as she’s concerned “not actively pleased” might as well be utterly synonymous to “actively displeased.” Life is uncertain to her, she’s very diligent about reading the moods of others and making them happy. Everyone loves her and think she’s just absolutely the best, she’s always ready to listen, always eager to cheer her friends up when they’re feeling down, doesn’t say jack SHIT about herself. If people ask she straight up lies. She does NOT talk about her own problems, even worse than in canon. She is happy go lucky and pleasant to be around, see? She’s doing great. Don’t worry about her! Oh do you need to talk about something? She’s got hair-trigger reflexes and does NOT react well to sudden loud noises or jumpscares. She’s very forgiving, because it’s only natural that sometimes her friends will hurt her feelings, right? That’s what love looks like. Some things just can’t be prevented, so why bother. Lotta learned helplessness kinda shit going down. Very reactive to positive feedback and physical affection (as long as she sees it coming) but has no idea how to go about asking for it. She’s very popular at her school for being pretty and cool and badass and friendly all tied up into one but her friendships are very shallow with her school friends, because if she cannot open up about herself, what room is there for emotional intimacy? As a Witch of Time, her main thing that needs to happen is she needs to get fed up. She needs to get pissed off. She doesn’t deserve this shit! She’s thirteen! She doesn’t deserve a parent who didn’t love her, she doesn’t deserve to have the weight of the timeline on her shoulders, she doesn’t deserve to see her own corpse over and over and fucking OVER again! This isn’t fair, this isn’t right, she doesn’t FUCKING want this, fuck her Bro fuck the Game fuck keeping quiet she’s a KID and she’s HURTING and she will be fucking UPSET about it! And then she’s gotta let John, and Rose, and Dave hold her and tell her she’s right, she’s so right, she is absolutely entitled to her anger, she’s allowed to feel angry about this, she’s gonna be okay though, they’re there, they love her and they’re not gonna let anyone hurt her ever again, she’s allowed to feel hellfire down deep to her bones but then, most importantly, she needs to let her friends help her, she needs to trust them, and learn how trusting works, learn what love looks like and how all her little broken pieces fit back together. And no, she’s never gonna fully recover from that. She knows she’s gonna be a compulsive liar down to her dying day and she’s never going to be able to trust openly like some people do, but she’s got people who love her and who she loves dearly, and she’s going to be okay, and every day it gets a little easier. Some days are bad, yeah, some days she’s angry over stuff she thought she got over years ago, but at the end of the Game, after all has been ripped asunder and they’ve moved into their new lives on Earth C, she is allowed to recover and to rest and sure it’s not always easy, but she’s always trying, and things are better now.

[keyheartsia-dorm]

Lumi Really Wanted something “Practical for Work” what kinda weirdo wants that? I added as much cute stuff as possible she really wants to impress Everyone at Heartslaybul I guess I wouldn’t understand cause that’s the dorm I interact with the least Idia said riddle challenged him a couple hours before I well Appeared at school so I’m not his biggest fan but at least Lumi’s Cuter then him

(Yay I did Something! Even though I’ve had this edit in my drive for awhile also I wanted to say something about that post I reblogged right before this one)

(TW: mentions of Pedo word)

(I know this is probably a dumb thing to worry about but as time went on I got kinda scared cause of the stuff I said in that reblog I just essentially wanted to say I hope it’s Clear I’m ANTI pedophile right? Like I said I guess you could Consider me a shotacon in that post cause in said original post being the one i reblogged it was in reference to people who like anime Boys 16 and younger and I remember thinking of kanato and being I guess that counts and I do like a lotta shota tropes like the tea parties and the Hats and the frills so that’s why I said I guess you could consider me one but I wouldn’t go younger really and I’m not even an Adult and I say that vaguely cause I used to be open about my age on social media but nowadays I’m a Minor that’s all you need to know cause in my mind 3 types of people are open about their age on social media Lying Adults trying to be well yeah Actual Adults being yeah I’m 20 and probably Actual Kids who probably assume their mutuals are also around their age so even I do say my age in my mind at least you’d always have a reason to doubt me somewhat and I also said I might Change my mind about that whole like “At least 16” later and I still mean that I might not view a teenage anime character the same way as when I’m an adult then when I’m a teenager I’m pretty sure my older sister has gone through that so I just wanted to reiterate and make it clear I don’t support pedo stuff cause even though this doesn’t make me immune to criticism I have been a BIT of a victim of it and Because of that I don’t wanna support it in any fashion and make sure everything is clear I haven’t been talked to about that post at all I was just looking at it and it was making me nervous someone would misinterpret it I just wanted to make sure my stance was clear the tags in the Og post said to reblog to support and so I did cause I wanted to support to bring awareness to that Creator’s BS and cause the Ortho Thing was the thing that stayed in my mind the most that’s what I commented on and just kinda rambled anyway I hope I cleared up any misunderstandings ya can’t really bounce back if people think you support that crap)

[darby-draws-archive]

I got a bunch of q's for them siblings, Lauren Mark and Nathan!! 5-7, 10, 12, 17, 19, 27, 30 and 31!

Thank you for asking so many questions for these good siblings!! And for being so patient! :,) I feel like I could’ve gotten more into specific scenarios with some of these but I didn’t quite know where to start or which question would have the better examples. But I’m sure you’ll enjoy anyway, I’ve definitely got enough info down for sure! Under the cut for obvious rambling reasons.

5. What traits does each person find endearing in the other?

Mark: Lauren’s ridiculously confident in herself and Nate’s always really passionate and excited about what he does.Lauren: Nathan tries to be friends with everybody and Mark has always had my back. Nathan: Mark’s just the right amount of sarcastic to be fun and he takes the band really seriously. Lauren’s secretly a big softie even when she pretends she’s cooler than everyone else.

6. Which traits does each person find annoying in the other?

Mark: They never shut up.Lauren: Oh my god, Mark thinks he knows everything and Nate never shuts up. He’s the bratty baby brother neither of us asked for. (laUREN!) (its true but they still love him)Nate: tHEY’RE BOSSY. And patronizing. And cynical.

7. How often do they see each other? How often do they talk to each other?

Nate and Mark see each other at least once a week, more if there’s lots of band practice or concerts to play or just wanna hang out! They see Lauren a handful of times throughout the year, at holidays and random visits.

Mark talks with Lauren more than Nathan does, kinda on a weekly basis, sometimes more, depends how busy they are or if they’ve got Exciting Gossip. Lauren and Nate probably talk like once after most full moons and a handful of other times,,, Nate wants to hear how the werewolf adventures go.

10. What would they get for each other as birthday gifts?

Mark’s mostly just gives money tbh, sometimes he’ll go halfsies on more expensive gifts but he doesn’t normally Think of the good gifts. He might take them out like to the record store and buy some things they pick out themselves. This is particularly good with Lauren, since it’s also his birthday and he has the excuse to get stuff he wants, too.

Lauren will usually find various music related things, shirts an posters of some bands they like, patches and pins for their Cool Jackets™. Nate likes comic books and movies, Mark would like biographies of musicians or maybe some video game, it varies but she could definitely find some things.

Nate tries to get Lauren makeup and sometimes it works out. He’d probably be better off with a gift card for it but he’s insistent that he knows “the hottest new eyeshadow thingy” and “the trendiest nail polish colors this season”. (he just Says these things, he doesn’t actually know anything) I think Nathan gets Mark a fun vidya game because he knows everyone else is getting him band related stuff,, unless he’s specifically asking for things.

12. Do either of them have any hobbies or interests which annoy the other?

Nottt particularly? I can’t really think of anything, if they don’t share the interest in something they just kinda leave it alone. Maybe if Lauren had to listen to tooo much of their band practice at once it would annoy her, just because her hearing is sensitive and they’re loud bois. She WANTS to enjoy it but what can u do. Mark kinda thinks they’re both way too into the horror genre but he doesn’t mind all that much.

OF COURSE this was different when they were younger and they often teased one another for certain interests,, but they grew out of that. (okay, mostly,, light teasing may still happen..) Most themes involved Lauren (or Nate’s) love for pop music and boybands or when Nate started experimenting with his guyliner. (and Lauren only teased him bc it was poorly drawn on…)

17. When one is feeling down, how does the other respond?

I kinda mentioned this one with the bros here the first time I reblogged these questions, but to add on Lauren:

On minor sad days, Lauren’s the type to give advice if she can or some kind of generic comforting thing and then kinda joke with her brothers. She kinda downplays her helping, kinda like “the solution’s simple, you just, do this. Is that reALLY all you wanted to talk to me about???” And if she can get either of them to laugh after they’ve been crying then it’s fair game for her to tease them for it.

If it’s a major sad thing, she tries to be The Strong One in those types of situations, even if it’s hard. She’ll listen if they wanna talk and cry, try to sound reassuring when telling them that it’ll be okay.

Mark’s better at comforting Lauren, they were definitely closer growing up so they kinda know exactly what would help. She doesn’t like feeling “weak” from showing emotions but she doesn’t mind crying in front of him and he’s alright at calming her down. But really Lauren usually just needs someone to rant to and maybe give a little advice, (she won’t outright ask for it but she leaves looong pauses for you to suggest something..) Mark knows and can easily handle that.

Nate isn’t used to seeing a sad Lauren and wouldn’t quite know how to react. Can you…. Tease her for this??? Is that allowed? What would Mark do.. But really, he just tries to be his normal happy self to cheer her up! Tell a funny story or joke.

19. Has one ever had to stop the other from making a very foolish decision? And did the other listen to them?

APsolutely. Mark is Lauren’s impulse control and Nate’s bossy older brother. Mark does stupid shit too but I don’t think any of them really stop him. Though, Mark would actually listen to Lauren on occasion. They both wouldn’t really listen to Nate even if he did try to stop them?? They don’t trust his judgement any more than they do their own. Nate might listen to them about half the time maybe? Still very foolish…

Lauren might try to stop Nathan more, Mark’s old enough to do his own thing. Plus, she finds it funnier if Mark fucks something up somehow, with Nate it’s mostly just sad.

Mark used to try and stop Lauren from doing stupid shit a lot in their teen years, but now he stops Nate from doing stupid stuff more often just by proximity and how much they see each other in comparison. Nate is bound to do something foolish at some point. He normally doesn’t find out Lauren’s doing something foolish until after the fact, now.

27. How far would each go to protect the other?

Oh they’re very protective, Mark used to get involved with Lauren’s fights a lot in high school. (She was always gettin into trouble.) I don’t think Nate really gets into situations like that, but in general he’s protective of him, yeah. (and that extends to Izzy, too.. I know this is about the sibs but this is definitely a situation where he treats her like family. He’s just ! A protective older brother all around, for everyone.)

Lauren,, being a werewolf and undoubtedly the strongest of them all now,,,, could do some damage if she needed to and she wouldn’t hesitate if it was to protect her siblings.

Nate’s a lotta bark and no bite, to be honest, so he wouldn’t get in as many fights like they would. But, he’s passionate and wants to protec them too if he can!

30. How far would each person follow the other? Would they trust them enough to commit crime because the other asked them to?

Uhh, pretty far, especially the twins. They have a lot of trust for each other and yeah I could see that involving a crime if it was completely necessary. At the very least, hiding a crime that the other one did..

Mark: We need to fuck someone’s shit up? I’ll fuck someone’s shit up.Lauren: Listen, I’m not saying that. All I’m saying is I know where to find some very sharp teeth and some very secluded woods.Nate: I draw the line at petty theft and arson.

Siiince Nate’s our lil crime boy in the runaway AU though, I’ll expand a lil more on that scenario since it’s more tangible? I think they’d both get involved immediately if he asked/said he was in some kind of trouble. Kind of a heat of the moment ofc I gotta help my lil bro out of a bad situation. But I don’t think he does that. I think he just disappears suddenly for a while and bc of that.. Well, they’d wanna do some detective work to figure out what happened to him,, but might not jump to help him as immediately when he does finally show back up again. They were incredibly worried for him and now that he’s back, they’re mad at him for making them so scared!! ‘You could’ve called a long time ago!’ >:(

Not to say they wouldn’t help him at all, he would just need to do a lot more explaining for either of them to get on board. That being said if the newly blonde and tattooed Nathan showed up at either of their houses with some equally disguised boyfriends then they wouldn’t hesitate to let them hide out n crash there.

31. If one wronged the other badly, would the other forgive them easily?

Mark forgives kinda easily? He’d be upset initially but eventually, he’d rather keep his relationships in tact than hold grudges.

Lauren IS Dramatic and WILL hold grudges, no doubt. Forgiveness might happen eventually, but it’s not easy.

Nate wants to forgive and for sure would try, normally he’d be the first to forgive! But he’s a lil more emotional and if we’re talking badly wronged,, bad feelings and memories would still pop up and he’s not as Over It as he pretends to be. Whatever happened still might hurt him, and he’d also bring previous arguments up even if they weren’t relevant as evidence of maYBE I shouldn’t forgive you this time!! They love their baby brother but they push him around sometimes, sometimes its ‘just teasing’ and sometimes it’s not, and I feel like if they did something that was seriously that bad, he’d start thinking about EVERYthing before telling himself, how much am I gonna put up with.

[layzhe-06]

I was tagged by @mycomfortblanket and @su-univeralai

eople are gonna laugh at me for this one just waTCH

1. Why did you choose your URL?

-It was what I went by in my ao3 account lmfao. Might as well just use it here too 💃💃

2. Any side blogs?

-Nope. None 😂😂

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

-Probably since early 2020 lmfao. Not too long bcs my phone storage was sUFFERING

4. Do you have a queue tag?

-Nah. I'm so ia idk if I even want one /j

5. Why did you start the blog in the first place?

-At first, I was planning to make mine about studying and stuff but then it just shifted into atla 🤸🏼‍♀️🤸🏼‍♀️🤸🏼‍♀️

6. Why did you choose your icon?

-Toph Beifong. No other explanation needed.

7. Why did you choose your header?

-For the sake of a good layout 🤠🤠

8. What's your post with the most notes?

-Ooh! It used to be about me spreading my tophling agenda but now it's my yumihisu headcanons because yay yumihisu 🥰

9. How many mutuals do you have?

-No idea lmfao (do i even have mutuals? What's a mutual sOMEONE HELP)

10. How many followers do you have?

-Just 31 fruity ppl

11. How many ppl are you following?

-37 I'm usually ia so I don't have a lotta time to check out other blogs (i want to tho 🤧)

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

-More than once probably

13. How often do uss tumblr a day?

-I scroll through it for like 30 mins or if I'm like, not busy, probably an hour

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

-Not that I know of...

15. How do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

-As much as I support blm, lgbtq+ (I'm literally pan), etc. I try not to rb some of them because I remember this one time where I tried doing it on a now dead acc and someone dmed me telling me I was like, just doing it for the sake of the trend. So yeah...

16. Do you like doing tag games?

-Sure! If I had more ppl to tag that'd be way cooler lmao but yea I love tag games

17. Do you like ask games?

-Interacting with other ppl is so fun ksockexkskdk so yea, it's fun teehee

18. Which mutuals do you think are famous?

-Probably all of them tbh bcs THEY'RE ALL SO NICE???

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

-I don't think so???

20. Tag!

-@suki-is-a-queen, @lin-biefong-is-my-life, @pinkbloodhaeri-blog, @stitch1830, @jiangsbitch and anyone else who wants to have a go!

Thanks for the tag, @cacodaemonia!

1. Why did you choose your url?

The honest answer? I didn’t have a clever idea so I looked to the right and saw my bookshelf (I was an avid reader as a kid and now) and then I looked at my cats, thus the name

2. Any side blogs?

Nah

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

I’m not sure. I started it a few years ago, but wasn’t very active until a year or two ago.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

No

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I don’t remember my original reason, but when I became more active it was because I wanted to be involved in the Star Wars fandom and have another place to inflict my fanfics on unsuspecting readers XD

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because it’s the best thing I’ve sketched and I’m stupidly proud of it

7. Why did you choose your header?

I just think it’s cool

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

I’m not 100% sure, I also don’t know how to check tbh

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I don’t know, y'all. I’m not certain what a mutual is. Pls forgive my ignorance! XD

10. How many followers do you have?

Um, 80 last I saw

11. How many people do you follow?

239 so far

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Occasionally

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

I don’t really time it, maybe an hour or so?

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Nope, not about that shit

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I already have anxiety and use tumblr to escape. I reblog some that I believe in and want to help spread awareness about, but I don’t like the pressure that comes from them

16. Do you like tag games?

Y e s!! I love these!!

17. Do you like ask games?

I love those too!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

so, so many

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Nope

20. Tags

No pressure tags: @gracethescribbler, @cadaverriffic, @agentfrostbite, @english-is-weird, @l-theseus, @xcertaindarkthingsx

[egregiousderp]

@gayrazeb

Being polite isn’t a problem! I don’t think you said anything rude. And I only noticed a bit late that your was tagged “personal” so I hope it’s okay I reblogged. ^^;;

I tried to put this up in a separate post just in case.

(I’m also on mobile so I can’t really do a readmore. Sorry, my dash! I’ll tag this with “long post” and hope for the best. Lotta rebels talk and tangential talk about Kalluzeb as a ship.)

I was kind of confused by the “problematic” ship label is all. And most of what you’re saying in the follow-up sounds like a critique of Kallus’s character. Not the ship itself?

My thoughts on that are actually that both characters are traumatized. Assuming you think Kallus was telling the truth about the incident with the Lasat Mercenary and his first posting. (Which isn’t to say it’s an equal level of trauma, but I think both of them handle trauma differently?)

Kallus’s reactions when under pressure afterwards COULD be interpreted as a reaction to that trauma, or as a speciesism in the aftermath.

Even Zeb reacts with shock hearing one of his own cut down helpless people, which in my mind means either Zeb’s a straight-shooter a little naive about his own people (possible. He was very young when he was the honor guard captain.) or that that kind of thing IS NOT DONE.

There’s subtle stuff in watching Kallus get thrown around in episodes and how quickly he gets up. There’s subtle stuff in the sheer panic on his face when he’s injured, weaponless, and Zeb has a rifle trained on him.

He’s filmed as a traumatized character pretty clearly in my mind, anyway.

Kallus got out on Lasan AFTER the thing on Onderon. If you hold that he’s traumatized as a result, then…

Strategically speaking if this is a man who “knows” he’s up against a bigger, stronger creature. He also has every reason to believe they slaughter even the helpless.

Zeb we know is a more honorable character but he still tears through stormtroopers like they’re wet paper, and talks about how he likes punching them. That’s ZEB. Zeb is one man.

So…you’re a human being being deployed against an army of creatures, any one of which if they close will tear through your entire platoon in moments.

Wookiepedia gave me a lot of Kallus info.

For one he’s quite tall. Small next to Zeb, but huge next to everyone else.

He’s trained in both heavy and riot combat. (Think fn-2199 in Force Awakens. Nines is a riot trooper.)

And he’s actually turned down a promotion I think so he can stay active in the field. So he’s very physically fit and powerful for a human but his troops are NOT.

If that’s your situation your only hope is to range your adversary and not let them close (since close combat gives a very clear advantage to the Lasat.) You’ve got to show it as little mercy as it would show you or it’ll tear you apart.

What Kallus’s use of the disruptors does is it takes a metaphorical fight between Lasat as Cavalry and Imperials as Infantry, and essentially pulls a Rommel. Rommel turned his anti-air weapons on tanks during World War II, and ranged them.

So it depends on how you look at it.

In the course of Imperial Propaganda, what Kallus does, if he’s the man who gave the order (which I think he is) actually saves thousands of trooper lives.

…By massacring a planet full of Lasat.

What I find really interesting and can’t find info on is how Kallus ended up on Lasan after the incident on Onderon. Did someone literally assign a PTSD guy to a planet of people he should be terrified of? Did he volunteer for revenge? (Either would give you a lot of detail about his character, yeah?)

You could say his entire drawing Zeb away during the first season antics could be to protect his men. Although it might be a bit of a stretch and I understand if that doesn’t sit with you.

What Kallus does makes perfect sense to me from a strategy perspective though.

It’s ruthless, but he’s a soldier in a war.

There’s more than one way to read Kallus’s early actions, I mean. Especially if he’s deep in the Imperial Propaganda and thinks what he’s doing is the only thing he can do.

What he does that makes him a remarkable person is he turns these situations consistently and elegantly to later advantage.

Using an unconventional weapon on an organic being is grisly but decidedly brilliant.

Turning a defecting colleague into a martyr to stir up people to hunt the rebels themselves is also brilliant and effective.

Withholding supplies from a planet in order to whittle down the limited rebel ships attempting to run supplies in is likewise kind of harsh but ultimately very well suits the goal, AND if Imperials show up later with supplies it makes the Empire look absolutely great, yeah?

He uses his past trauma as a weapon.

Rebel activity’s been going strong for a while by the time you meet Kallus in season one, so his empathy for others has been deadened to almost nothing when we first see him.

As such he feels nothing when straight-up murdering colleagues or goading an enemy into an angry opening by talking about genocide. Those are means to an end and his primary goal is to serve the Empire. To “do his duty”. Because this is what Kallus does.

If you read him in as a character who has always believed he was in the service of doing good even by dubious means then the progression isn’t so unusual.

This is a person who believed that competence and loyalty in executing a duty was enough to assure you of a place in the Empire.

Then…

He flinches when Tarkin executes two of his colleagues for incompetence.

He executes Tua for disloyalty.

The Empire is not loyal to him when he’s lost on the ice moon.

There is…a progression.

On top of that you have his interactions with Zeb, who is honorable even when it puts him at a serious disadvantage. Zeb, who preserves even the life of an enemy he has every reason to hate.

Zeb, who is traumatized too.

But while Zeb is traumatized he also seems to run from it by “forgetting”. He forgets his own title and rank, even. He says nothing about his past or his life. Barely interacts with his own people even after rescuing them because it’s easier to run than to face those things.

He oscillates between anger at Kallus, I think, and refusing to touch the elephant in the room. It’s in how he handles the disruptors issue in the first episode.

Running from trauma and “forgetting” is a valid way people deal with such things. But it usually comes out later and there are consequences in roundabout ways.

I look forward as much to Zeb snapping and hitting that final straw, that one last thing that sends him over the edge.

I’m also down for potential Rebel!Kallus encountering the Mercenary again.

And for Zeb, who said he’d show the way home for his people to have to deal with the members of his people he doesn’t like, that he doesn’t think are worthy of being among his people again.

There are…schisms among the rebels themselves I mean. And whether or not the show wants to get into that or not is another question but…

I haven’t found the takes on either of those character’s personal traumas particularly badly done. I just expect Zeb’s has a slower fuse and it’s going to be ridiculous when he finally does face it?

Plus there’s some stuff within the warrior/child/fool Dynamic that suggests the roles shift.

There are two people with bo-rifles.

And we still haven’t seen one give himself up for the others. (Though Kallus seems more than set to try.)

IF this is what’s going on but it’s going on kind of behind the scenes and from a place of genuine admiration? Of…wanting to be more like what Kallus thinks Zeb is? What Kallus thinks the rebels are? Does that…work a little better for you?