#and well the new ep is coming soon so meanwhile i just wanted to get this out of my head

[stickmenyaoi]

about absence; presence. Lover; Warrior

Inspired by.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Thailand is back in charge

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - There is so much to love about this pair. But one of the things I truly adore is what great communicators they are about what they want & need as friends & as lovers. As boyfriends? Not so much. But the way they can (and do and did) communicate speaks well to their ability to communicate in the future, once they have resolved the inevitable doom the BL gods will reign down upon us over the next 3-4 eps. I guess what I am say is... these two are gonna be awesome husbands.

The break up was sad but inevitable.

Yay for a crying kiss. I do so love a crying kiss! 

Can we talk about the fact that all that tension was worth it?

Excellent kiss all round from GreatInn. Possibly one of the best of the year. Their only issue in winning this category in 2024 is that they're up against OffGun, TayNew, and JimmySea, not to mention BillyBabe... and MosBank coming soon. But I gotta say, for a new pair? Fantastic work boys.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - I literally spent this whole show saying “Oh, Poor Joe!” Which is now the actual name of his character: Poor Joe. He's like the country music sad sack. How much is this narrative gonna keep kicking him while he's down?  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Star Hunter + MosBank + a beloved familiar face? You ready? Let's go. I got a lot to say.

Unexpected supernatural historical paranormal mythological Sign-esk elements happening in our dream sequence opening. I’m not mad about it. But I do think it’s going to be mishandled in the dubious hands of Star Hunter. My BLabies, no matter what else, with Star Hunter we can rest assured there will be chaos and narrative mess. And now, lucky us, there will be a supernatural mess. But at least it will be sexy and high heat.

Honestly, I'm not worried about MosBank and I know what to expect from Star Hunter,. So we're all on the same page.

Meanwhile, enter a cute side couple (normal for this studio).��WAIT a second I know that face! That's Tenon of PitchBank fame (side couple, and only good thing about, Golden Blood). I’m sad to see his pair busted, but delighted to see him pop up again in a BL.

Tenon appreciation time: He kisses beautifully everyone, and he is a killer eye-emoter. We are in for a real treat with this actor. (Especially if we get to a place in the narrative where he pines. OH PLEASE MAKE HIM PINE.)

Okay back to the show. I love Tenon but I also LOVE his infiltrating, wicked smart, younger brother character. This role is great for him. I adore an industrial spy. I enjoy a rich boy pretending to be an intern in his family's company (yes it's a trope, just not common in BL). Excellent work Thailand. No notes.

In conclusion?

It’s a cheesy silly office BL and I am enjoying it immensely because I have no expectations. So don't burst my bubble. Star Hunter is bound to do that on its own without tumblr's help.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 11 of 16 - Oh my God they are all so cute! I love the beginning bit when Peem was feeling down and Phum tried to cheer him up. Ridiculously charming. All the sides were super adorbs too. The actual name of this show is "We Are Cute". Meanwhile, Kluen = the only boy in a BL ever to take his unfinished drink with him? I like him even more now. 

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - New take on the umbrella trope to be trapped under a parasol together. NO SINGING. Honestly? I am not loving this as much as I really wanted to love it. It's the middle of the rankings for good reason. I do like the idea of historical Cinderfella BL though. Why isn't that what I'm watching? The play with in a play is a dangerous trope to deploy, it only distracts my with attractive possibilities. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - I'm gonna try to cycle back to ending this rap-up week on Saturdays, which means the recap for this episode will be in next week's weekly (so to speak). Meanwhile, I am doing a Trash watch on this show. Hopefully that will get updated tomorrow.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - It’s fun enough. Kind of a pulpy lark. Best + Seng = a surprisingly good match.

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - Good kiss from the sides. No surprises there. The main’s kissing was fine too, I guess. I like that they had a genuine struggle with being an idol and not being able to date. It’s nice to see that depicted on screen in a BL. I wish we had a bit more of a montage around the rise & success of Moo's boy group. But I understand the money in play for this kind of show prohibits that. All in all? It’s fine. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - Oof. This ep was painful. So much awkward desperation and confusion. Oh Japan, must you?

Crazy to be in a place and time where there is no other noted non-Thai BLs airing. Not even from Korea. What is going on? Are we in 2020 all over again? Please no.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing. I've put the search on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down. Also, who knew Frank & Big could kiss like that? Not me.

ARGH could Monster Next Door please just start airing. I am SO tired of waiting for Big to lead out a BL. It should have happened years ago. *grumbles in chronic second lead syndrome*

In case you missed it

Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1 ans was meant to drop yesterday. We thought maybe Gaga, but nothing so far.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution.

As others see us: NuNew's 'Awful' Performance in BABYMONSTER's 'SHEESH' Goes Viral - I don't like BL being noticed by Kpop stans. I flipping LOATHE this song and I'm not wild about Babym. This is all 'round uncomfortable making and I want it to stop.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases Still Coming

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds Gaga) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

6/26 I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) 10 eps - A new series adaptation of beloved yaoi I Hear the Sunspot (first adaptation was feature film Silhouette of Your Voice 2017).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Forget "boyfriends but they don't realize it." These two are married but they don't realize it.

Praise be, he didn't leave his full drink behind. BEST BOY.

It was a great make out sesh.

THAT LIP BITE.

All round excellent ep this week, We Are Cuties.

Top tier flirting banker from the fuck buddies though. Man, their innuendo is on point. And I do mean that point. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[mejcinta]

i am obssesed with the analysis you did on aegon and aemond and their views on marriage

How would you imagine heleana’s view to marriage? How do you think aegon qnd heleana had reacted to betrothal at family dinner table?

I think the answer to this lies in how Helaena and Aegon have turned out years later.

Helaena is busy overseeing her children's needs, spending time with them and shaming Aegon in public for not being an attentive husband.

Meanwhile, Aegon is a drunk and neck deep in various perversions. Moaning and complaining about never being enough while doing jack shit to be 'Kenough' 🙄

I've always said that Helaena is basically Mini Alicent. Programmed by her mother through years of proximity beside her, being sheltered and protected and brought up in the ways of the Seven. She spends a lot of time in Alicent's room with her babies and speaks of the realities of life with such wisdom and kindness and insight. She cannot afford vanity and has no room for folly and expects the same of others. She is also gifted with dreams she doesn't understand and is sort of afflicted with them as a result. I think that would pull her more into religion to try to understand herself.

I expect that when it was announced she would marry Aegon, she felt prepared for what was to come. After all she was well prepared by Alicent in many aspects for marriage.

However, Aegon's constant rebellion and indifference brings challenges that she may not have anticipated. She is ignored. He is infrequent. None of Alicent's tales of marriage seem true now. Life is becoming harder and her dreams are intensifying.

I think that's why she seems more erratic and upset in ep 9. Aegon's unfaithfulness has reached a new low and an intense prophetic dream concerning the beginning of the Dance (i e Rhaenys and Meleys at the coronation her family had staged after orchestrating a coup) had hit her hard.

I'm flying off the tangent here, I know, but what I mean to say is Helaena is loyal and dutiful just like her mother, but her loyalty and dutifulness doesn't come without it's hurdles and this may or may not affect how she relates to some of her family members, especially Alicent.

Aegon raged about his marriage and duties from day 1 but funny enough when time comes when he's required to step up, he does. He bedded Helaena and gave her heirs to the throne. And he will soon take more dutiful steps after Blood and Cheese to become the King all wanted or feared he could be.

I'd say both Helaena and Aegon are duty bound, but react differently to the shackles. One complies and plays nice even through the pain (like Alicent did) while the other rebels, questions and challenges...only in the end to do what is expected of them.

So they both do value duty, but have different mindsets about it. Aegon's is more warped, and he needs constant motivation to get through with it. Be it alcohol, be it a threat against his family.

Helaena is more natural and 'live and let live' about the situations she's put in. She readily adapts and gives selflessly, even if she is met with difficulty.

[chipsncookies]

There always has to be a first time of someone sending anon hate.

Personally I think it’s pathetic that these people have such "big" opinions, yet fail to share these without hiding behind a grey face.

I’m sorry someone as nice and sweet as you can receive it as well 😔

Your interest in the anime has certainly intrigued me a lot. That and how great the designs of the new characters are, as well as the story being on a more serious note. Actually competent villains that won’t get "blasted off again" by the end of each episode for one. (Something that made me very tired of the old series that I stopped watching for a good time. Dropped in to watch the Alola league and was very amazed at the different pace, hoping for the same with Horizons) As well as the feeling a big adventure coming and we’re part of the ride.

The only thing stopping me right now is a lack of overall motivation to do a lot of things unfortunately. But I’m definitely trying to pick it up soon and watch it subbed (I’m a sub over dub person) but I do hope the series will be received very well here in the west!

Thank you for now for providing so much content! Your gushing over the villains really is the sweet cherry on top~

Don’t listen to haters and keep doing what you love!

You summarised why i love the villains and horizons in general, this is exactly why i love them thank you 💖 i look forward to the explorers' appearance every ep not just bc i like them, but also because they're an important factor in moving the plot and making things more interesting!! Also just like you said we're getting a competent villain who gives a sense of threat instead of joke like during ash saga (i love team rocket but i really miss actually scary villains...)

Don't feel compelled to watch it right now, you can pick up at your own pace ^^ but you might want to block the tags 'pokemon horizons spoilers' from me if you don't want to be spoiled (meanwhile i retweet spoilers freely on twitter)

Thank you so much for your nice message!! I really appreciate it 🥹🙏💖

[apostatehamster]

Cool, cool, cool. Thoughts? Ramblings? Some kind of personal summary??? about the first three eps under the cut.

OK first of all I was fucking stupid because I accidentally watched the third ep first, and i was confused why so much. had changed but WHATEVER LMAO

I couldn't tell you which episode destroyed me more, jesus christ, what a comedy am I right? OK WELL, I'm Izzypilled so I will be mostly screaming about Izzy, and EdIzzy because I am broken but whatever. I will probably also a bit snarky, but eh, this is my blog lol.

OK SO episode 1 opener. We see Stede and Iz fencing, and I am lowkey sad that this scene from the trailer is not them training fencing. (Yet. Who knows) No, it's a dream sequence of Stede, where he stabs Izzy for selling them out and kills him. And as soon as Izzy is dead, Edward comes running toward him, all smiles, everything forgiven and they roll around in the sand. And I FEEL like this scene is a bit of a... nod at some haters lol.

Kind of like saying, "So you believe Izzy is the evil, and once Evil is defeated, Ed and Stede can be reunited and in love again, and everything's fine" But it's a dream, and life is not so easy, and it /won't/ be so easy, but more on that later.

I fucking loved the part where Stede & the crew hung around Spanish jackie's Inn. Honestly, that was probably the most light hearted and fun part of all the episodes-

"Dear Ed [...] I think of you often. I hope you're thinking of me." [Scene pans to Ed's giant back tattoo "Trust no one"] Christ. q.q Well he's thinking of Stede I guess, but I don't think that's what Stede means or wants. I love these cut backs between Stede view and Ed view. The more easy going stuff with Stede, and the true pirate life with ed in all it's glory [apparently].

Except the crew is fucking tired. They are surviving, but that's it. I've never seen a crew so sad eating fucking CAKE. [And I am so upset that Ivan just. Died. The boys, divided. Just Fang left] But heck I love their new outfits, they're cool and I love the raid make up ksksk

OK SO, we get to the Izzy crying scene that was spoilered. I knew that scene from the bakc of my hand. I did not know that Izzy looked so dejected because Edward basically told him to work harder or he would be replaced. Decades of loyalty, and your captain offhandedly mentions how replaceable you are. Ouch! The first of many ouches! Okay so tears are shed, the little man gets hugged, and god bless Fang, I love you, light of my life in this dark opening

Meanwhile Stede meets a minor prince, and the swede becomes the 20th husband of Jackie. Good for them!

Okay back to our toxic duo. Izzy tells Ed about how the crew does not want to obey, and Ed casually mentions that Izzy is gonna lose his 4th toe now. And from the leaked clip I expected that Izzy probably lost those toes because he took one for the crew, because the crew did not obey and ed took it out on him. (Izzy did react unreasonably upset when they refused to follow the orders, so.)

Then Izzy asks dejectedly "Who am I to you?" and I had to pause because i was too scared to hear Ed's answer, ngl.

"You know me better than anyone has ever known me, and I daresay the same is true for me about you." Is a killer statement already, but then: "I have-" and a pause. Because this is a heavy admission for him. "love for you, Edward." (Not "Blackbeard", but "Edward".) and Ed basically scoffs at him in disbelief, like not even a rejection but I can't say if that makes it better or worse, it's just bad. And then Izzy mentions the mood on the ship is bad and he suggests to talk it through, suggests as Stede would have, and it's so Stede it sets Ed off.

And there is a round of pointing the gun at every crew member, until Ed points it at his own chin (Christ, ed, your suicidal ideation) and Izzy finally explodes and calls for an end to this, and says out loud what everyone is too afraid to say. That the atmosphere is fucked because of Edward's feelings for Stede. And he has barely ended the sentence and Ed fuckign shoots him, and he doesn't even fucking look at him while doing so. Announces Frenchie is the new first mate, replaces Izzy like he was nothing. And if you thought i was already feeling bad for Izzy in season 1, because he was trailing after Ed like a loyal dog, ignored, forgotten and cast aside, IMAGINE HOW BROKEN I WAS HERE. Fucking shot him down, like a pet dog, and walked away.

Cut back to Stede crew shenanigans but at that point im already inconsolable. Minor prince loses his nose. We will see him again. That guy will be trouble, maybe he will be Stede's new nemesis, who knows. Wede leaves the crew, I hope we will meet him again. I'm sure we will visit jackie again, so.

Fang my sweet guy, crying because Ed shot Izzy. But Jim telling the story of pinocchio, doing The Voice, to cheer him up, was so fucking cute....

But anyway I'm glad we had the trailers and stuff and that the episodes came in a batch, because, Izzy was pretty much absent for the rest of the ep and presumed dead. NAH, MAN

ANYWAY EPISODE 2

Stede thinking fondly of Ed and sighing deeply. me too Stede. Meanwhile Ed and the wedding cake toppers, pushing them together. My dude, you got it bad, jesus.

I love Zheng and her crew of pirate ladies lmao. ""Ah men, so emotional, smh""The sea's restorative, isn't it?" "YES QUEEN! I always said that" Buttons fucking saved my soul from utter despair, because i fucking broke out laughing at that. YAS QUEEN, SLAY.

And hey!! LUCIUS LIVES!! I wish I could say I was surprised, but honestly, they would have been a fool to kill him off, of COURSE he had to return. And fuck he looks good, fucking love him. Pete immediately rushing to kiss him T_T the rest of the crew running to hug him too, these precious guys.....

I'm here for Seawitch Buttons & Auntie mysticism.

Okay, back to Ed. He had a good cry, he pushed off the cake topper of Stede and him. "No more booze, no more drugs. And more importantly, no more Izzy." Like Izzy was the bane of his existence. You could argue about how much Izzy fucked up, but that's just, fucking not okay in my books. Ed asking his new First Mate Frenchie "You did kill Izzy right?" like he wants his old friend dead so bad.

Alright, but Izzy is still alive, sorry Edward. And also sorry Izzy because wowe that's miserable. Leg's rotting, he is stashed away in a secret chamber, and Archie & Jim are gonna take his leg off with no anesthesia or painkiller what so ever. LOOK I'm a whore for whump and all, but that's fucking hardcore lol. But hey. Jim and Archie holding hands on izzy's rotting leg. Then the two later kissing in front of an unconscious Izzy, amputated leg in one hand. Romantic! Also fucking morbid but I loved it lmaooo. But damn the humor is dark this season.

I fucking love Lucius so much. He waltzes into the room where Stede is trying to figure out how best to find Ed, upset because Edward looks like a ghoul on the wanted poster. "Are you even gonna ask how I am?" and that's such a loaded question and I love him for it. Stede is so preoccupied with thinking about Ed, he didn't even care to ask about his former Scribe. Lucious flips him the bird and I can't help but think Izzy would have been proud. Fuck I really want Lucius and Izzy to bond this season, please. The new Lucius and the new Izzy could be a really interesting combo.

He finally tells Stede that Ed tried to kill him, where he faltered to tell Stede before. "You broke him, and he broke me. Everything that's happened to me since has been your fault!" and it's so harsh because it comes from Lucius, sweet Lucius, and it's I think also the first time someone outright hated at Stede (not counting Izzy here, because. He's Izzy)

Back to Ed! Frenchie is so jumpy, and bless his soul, I don't know how he manages to stay so smiley throughout all this. But yeah, Ed finds out Izzy is alive! Or as he puts it "Do you think I wouldn't know the smell of my rotting former first mate?" which, what an odd thing to say ed wth lol

Archie asking Jim why they care so much about Izzy anyway, because he seems like a dick. "Ah he is. But he's our dick." and i kid you not, thats among all the things i ever wanted. The crew accepting grumbly Izzy as he is, because he might be a jerk, but he is THEIR jerk. And I love the possesiveness. Then a romantic kiss with the amputated leg in hand lol. Enter Ed who sends them out, and i had to ugly laugh at how he said "Take the fucking leeeeg." jkdghjk And I fucking love Jim, for staring Ed dead in the eye "He was your friend."

Stede crew time! Oh Olu trying his best, but not really succeeding. Mate, you're gonna be fine, you just nee d abit more trainign and self confidence.

Lucius smoking and being all bitter does something to. i swear he turned into an Izzy. Considering how the fandom calls Izzy rat man (lovingly ornot), and Lucius nickname is now rat boy.. he is like... the successor to izzy in my books lol. I REALLY want them to hang out and talk. So badly.

Back to Ed! This scene will fucking break me, but at the time of watchign I did not know yet. Also the scene why I started writinga whole fucking novel, i guess. Anyway! He sits next to Izzy, who's pretty much incapacitated and helpless.

"I just popped down to say a proper goodbye.", and Ed gets out a gun, implying he wants to finish the job and kill Izzy, and Izzy basically... does not react to that. Just looks at him in silence, acceptance maybe. "I had a dream about you last night." And Ed turns the gun around and hands it to Izzy and that is where he starts reacting, tells Ed to fuck off, because he will not do this. But Ed puts it in his hand and carries on. "I dreamt that ya killed me. Shot me right through the skull." and he positions the gun in Izzy's hand against his own head (do I need to talk about Ed's deathwish again? I think not) basically makes it easy for Izzy to not miss, gives him to change to take revenge and just take the trigger. But Iz just forces a smile and replies "Good for you." because he's not doing thism he's not gonna fulfill Ed's dream.

So Ed gets up like "It wasn't even like that. In my dream I was standing." And he stands in front of Izzy with his back to him, so that Izzy does not have to face him, maybe that will make it easier for him to pull the trigger. And Izzy raises the gun shakily, and he's fighting with himself. And he starts laughing, but it's the most broken laugh i could imagine coming out of this man, and christ does that hurt. Fuckin, Con o'neill what are you doing to me you absolute madman, you genius. And he starts mocking "eddie", tells him to clean up his own mess, because he is tired of doing so. Tells him to fuck off.

Andddd I don't really know how to read this scene yet, because I don't think he meant to mock Edward here. He definitely couldn't kill him, so maybe that was his excuse why he wouldn't do it, but also, it was his way of sending Edward off, to end this. It's just 50 shades of toxic relationship and I love to watch this drama unfold man, while simultaneously dying of pain lol

And Edward leaves, and Izzy watches him leave. And you see Edward as you hear the gun go off, implaying that Izzy ended himself instead and jesus christ I did not expect them to even go there. He really ended it right there.

And Edward stands there like "I loved you. Best I could." and I had to paus ethere again because that is a statement i would LOVE to unpack some day, like??? What do you MEAN. First of all, and I'm gonna be a bit bitter, what do you mean you loved him. From what we've seen, Ed treated Izzy like ass , and I don't mean season 2, but also season 1. He treated him like air, took him for granted, convinced him to stay when izzy wanted to leave and made him promises he would not keep. When izzy was forced to leave, he basically. Did not give a shit imho.

And what did he mean by "the best he could"? I don't know if that means he was aware of those feelings (although he seemed to scoff at izzy's declaration of affection an episode back) and he did not return those feelings, or if he is simply... somewhat broken inside and unable to love. Don't get me wrong, I love ed, but he has a lot of problems that I hope he gets to work through in this season. CHRIST.

Anyway he lowkey thanks Frenchie for having lied to him, because this way he got to have closure with Izzy. And what kind of closure that was, hell, edward. Your idea of closure was giving Iz the chance to kill you, and the guy lets you walk away to end his own life instead. I'd feel less closured, ngl lol

Meanwhile, Lucius, the master at relationships and breakups, gets advice from Stede on relationships. Oh how the turn tables. Lucius my sweet boy, you need therapy :(

meanwhile edgelord Ed dares Jim and Archie to fight to the death because all love dies anyway, might as well fast forward

meanwhile Lucius trying to make it clear to Stede, that edward isn't the guy he knew anymore. That he committed crimes. "i'm not ready to believe that." and therein lies the crux of this season probably. Stede getting ready to accept that Blackbeard has done terrible things, they will both have to work through that. Ed getting better, unlearning the Kraken, and Stede having to face that Ed is not the same anymore. It will never be the same again but they will have to find a new way to make it work.

Meanwhile Jim refuses to kill Archie. They are all doomed because Ed fucking removed the steering wheel in the middle of a storm. Ed's about to fire the cannon like a madman annnd boom.

Motherfucking Izzy is still alive and he shot Ed after all to save the crew from his madness. And I did not expect the Show to.... show how Izzy actually tried to end himself, like christ on a stick this is a comedy, and even if it weren't that's fucking bleak, excuse my expletives. But he survived. He got up. He decided to use the gun not to end himself, but to save the crew instead and who would have thought we would end up here, Izzy saving the crew. Not me, not like that, and I love the guy. But holy shit am I proud of him.

"You indestructible little fucker" is exactly how I feel too, lol. And Ed looks way too happy again, looking up at the crew, how Jim heaves up the cannon ball to smash his head. "Finally. :)" My guy. (Sidenote: love the way Izzy hangs onto Fang. These two.)

EPISODE THREE!!! Which i accidentally watched first hahah

Okay i'm just gonna start where they see The Revenge, or what's left of it. And ouch, that fucking hurt to see. I've looked as crestfallen as the rest of the crew. Stede fucking yeeting himself over board because, ED!!! gjhshjk

The revenge looks horrible, and seeing the crew feast on... the left overs of, which i assume was olivia the gull maybe, or a friend idk, looked like a scene out of a zombie movie. Amazing. They all look fucked up.

They get on deck of the Red Flag and Stede desperately needs them to answer, but no one dares to answer Stede. No one wants to be that guy. In steps new captain (?) or leader at least, izzy Hands, to adress Stede. "Piss off, Izzy. I don't wanna hear from you." Which, honestly fair from Stede's point lol. Noteworthy how Izzy does not fight back though. So Frenchie gives the retirement answer and I love how the crew sticks together, all nodding in agreement because yeah, that's what happened. They all had a shit time but I love how they stick together now.

Stede "My painting. Why is it all stabbed up?" Izzy, tired but proudly "that was me. :)" lmao please. Izzy looks like such a wet sad dog i wanna fucking hold him tight

AND OOOH EDWARD TIME! And we see Hornigold!!! The man painted as a monster by Ed's words in season 1. I don't know what happened, but can only vaguely acknowledge the meaning of Ed facing his devils in this... limbo world that he's in. because he is not alive and not dead right now. But hornigold was a torturing bastard apparently, and maybe ed is seeing him because he had turned into his own Hornigold.

Jim and Olu reuniting! I am not sure how to feel aboud that. It felt very friendzoned after their amorous relation in season one and I'm... :( I mean with Archie now, they gotta figure out where they stand. I mean. the way things are goign and hinted at, I expect at least one Polyamorous relationship to happen, why not two. :)

Meanwhile Stede collecting all the knifes from the walls in Ed's room, and Izzy demonstrates his flair for dramatics by appearing out of nowhere from behind Stede LOL, i swear,

Picking back up the beginning of episode 1 where Izzy is the personification of all evil, Stede asks Izzy "What'd you do with him. I know he wouldn't have left by choice." Or maybe he means the whole crew, but I think not. And Izzy confronts Stede again with the truth of how Ed went mad, and became a downright cruel bastard. Another dog analogy is thrown around, this show and their pets and dogs I swear.

"You sent him to doggie heaven." And Izzy's quiet "No. i could never do that", because despite everything he could not kill him, ever. And very noteworthy to me was, how Izzy said "You and me did this to him. And we cannot let this crew suffer anymore for our mistakes." and I wanna frame this quote because!!! Izzy is very much aware that he played a hand in creating this monstrosity. Season 1 Izzy would have gladly pinned this on Stede alone, but season 2 izzy has grown wiser. And he is taking responsibility for his actions and is trying to shield the crew and I am so proud of him, honestly.

Zheng asking Stede "Girl how are you?? You must feel so weird. Like, you're glad he's alive, but he did all this evil shit to your friends." was so real. And Stede concedes for the first time that yes it's complicaeted. It's not just sunshine and roses. And I am honestly very curious how he will work through that. What Ed will say when Stede confronts him with his deeds, and how Stede in turn will repsond to that. SO CURIOUS!!!

unrelated to anything, but ed is such a handsome bastard, i was grinding my teeth. Like, my guy, I'm having a bit of beef with you rn but you're so beautiful it hurts smh

Anyway Hornigold mentions Ed's daddy issues and we realize that Hornigold might just be a figment of Ed's brain. Because he never told anyone but Stede (Although I honestly would have expected Izzy would have known, since he did all the killing for ed i figured he'd known the reason why ed never does it himself, huh!)

"You're afraid you're unloveable." Flashback to the reason for these thoughts, then to Ed telling Stede he's not a good person. Followed by "this is why I don't have any friends" and a flash of Izzy inbetween. So on some level he recognized he fucked that up, I suppose

Cut back to the crew in the brig. And it's sad to see them so... accepting of their soon-to-be death. They've been living on the edge of death for so long, that it feels like a relief. And christ, Izzy just looking so wearily at Stede, because well, they have found Ed now. "Go on Bonnet, give me your worst." and there's nothing. This is not the time for snide remarks, this is just sad. And Stede just leaves, and whoohoo more misty-eyed Izzy to break my heart!

Not sure what to make of the romance between Zheng and Olu. Still torn about Jim and Olu :/ Idk if we will see Zheng again, maybe i will form an opinion then, but so far i do not care about them.

Good old fuckery time! Stede breaks out the boys! Feeney apologizing through every act he does lmao, sweet soul. While everyone is watching in anticipation if Black Pete will shoot and hit the target, i am thoroughly fixated on Fang's hand steadily holding Izzy. I am seeing it, i am looking at it, I am here for it, my heart swells in fondness, FANG

The NOISES frenchie and Roach made when they went over to the Revenge, what was that lmao. And Buttons immediately taking charge, i was suprised at the competence

I feel bad for Zheng, she was kind to them. Stede liekwise feels bad. Enter Izzy. "I just wanted to thank you for-" and Stede just brushes past him wordlessly. Look I felt bad for Izzy since season 1, stop making me feel even worse. But i can't blame Stede. His love is dead, or so he thinks. He has nothing to say to Izzy

back to Ed in self-realization land. As conflicted as I am about him rn, seeing him realize he hates himself and saying out loud "I'm not loveable." Hits. Deeply. And he's made the decision to leave limbo, and life behind.

Hornigold says goodbye by calling him "old chum", just as Ed did when leaving Izzy with the gun behind, and I feel kind of validated that Edward has become his own hornigold. Or he was parroting his own words back at himself here in remembrance of his good bye scene, i don't know.

Stede sits down at Ed's side, and my heart breaks some more. But Stede fucking Bonnet is here, the light of Ed's life and it shines through even into purgatory and his will to live returns. Stede is here, stede came back, stede does love him, the cons of living mean jack shit, because it's stede.

The choice of Stede being a merman sure was. IT SURE WAS A CHOCIE. I don't know what to think about it but it made ma laugh honestly, fucking sappy

AND HERE WE ARE. The first three eps and they destroyed me thoroughly. And I am so, so curious where we will go from here.

I'm a steadyhands truther, sue me, I believ this could and might happen. For as much as Stede loves Ed i don't think he will be able to simply brush aside what he's done. It's partly Stede's fault but it was Ed's actions. The crew is traumatized, they got tortured. Izzy is a shell of himself. And boy I am here for Stede finally, truly talking to Izzy.

Maybe he will talk to the crew first, and they will tell what Izzy has done. maybe then he will approach Izzy again, with a different view. I would love for Stede to realize that Izzy too loves Ed very much.

And then of course, we saw them kind of bonding in the trailer, so maybe he will come to like Izzy :)

But for now, all I really hope for at the end of the season, is for Ed to apologize to Izzy or to acknowledge what his loyalty means to him. because god dammit I love my Edizzy, it pains me so much but it's so interesting to watch unfold. And if Izzy can turn around and be loved and respected by the crew, then Ed can turn himself around and open himself up to being loved and being able to love, god dammit.

Annd spoiler spoiler, I saw an article that hinted at ed/izzy/stede and how it is indeed a love triangle, and the core of the show, and how david jenkins is very much interested on sending izzy on a journey this season and i am fucking HERE for it

Basy out.

christ okay i can finally go on tumblr again, i opened once today and immediately saw ofmd spoiler

i finally watched and

[killianglyndon]

Reunion (tbb ep.16 fix-it fic)

Pairing: Crosshair x Medic! Female Reader

Warning: tbb ep.16 spoilers, mentioned of killing people, inhibitor chip?, some kissing, grammar mistakes, typo (cause i didn’t proof read lol. im too tired to do that.)

A/N: anyway, i was so mad and sad about tbb finale, so i decided to write a fix-it fic. That doesn’t mean I hate the episode, this is just my version of story. im not really good at writing so...haha. that’s why im a gifmaker, also my main language is not English, so there would have some typos and grammar mistakes.

Word count: 1.6k

read on ao3

You and The Bad Batch were on the way to save Hunter. You knew this would be a trap, but you couldn’t help but think of a certain sniper, your lover.

You and the batch didn’t understand what had happened to him at first, his brother, your love. The way he called you and the batch traitor, the way he raised his gun to you, and the way he talked. This wasn’t him, this was not the crosshair you know. 

Then, it turned out that the kaminoans had implanted inhibitor chips in every clone to make clones blindly follow orders, even killing the jedi.

“Good soldiers follow orders” This line kept echoing in your head after you heard Crosshair say it. This, this was not the crosshair you know.

***

“You and omega wait here” Echo told you and omega.

“No, we should stick together!” Omega protested. 

You put a hand on Omega’s shoulder, trying to calm her.

“No, echo’s right” Wrecker agreed with him.

“Stay out of sight, if things go south we’ll send you a signal. Go back to the ship and contact Rex.” Echo added, looking at you and omega.

You gave him a nod and pulled Omega back to your side before watching them ascend to the training room.

You know how much Hunter meant to Omega, the way they interacted, and the way they cared for each other. You understood why the young girl looked up to him.

“Omega, I’m sure they’ll get Hunter back.” You reassured her.

“I know, and Crosshair.” She looked at you with her bright eyes.

You were a little shocked when she mentioned him. All this time, you tried so hard to suppress your feelings for him, your love for him. The batch knew that you missed him, they could tell. The way you stared into his empty bed, and the nights that you cried until you were too tired and the tears were dried.

“Yeah, and Crosshair…” You smiled sadly at the young girl.

***

When you and Omega joined the batch in the training room, you, Omega, and AZI stayed in one of the gun towers. That was when you saw him, your Crosshair. Hunter and he were tackling each other while Tech, Echo, and Wrecker were shooting the droids.

“I believe you may have activated a few too many droids.” AZI said to Omega and you.

“ We can see that, AZI.” Omega raised her bow, aiming for the nearest droid to Hunter and Crosshair. Meanwhile, you used your blaster to shoot some of the droids near the others.

***

After clearing out all the droids, you, Omega, and AZI joined the others on the ground. You walked closer to Crosshair and Hunter. 

You could see that Crosshair was shocked to see you, the coldness in his eyes, mixing up with a tiny bit of shock.

The big scar on the right side of his head was horrifying, did the empire did this to him? Your heart almost broke into million pieces, seeing the love of your life like this.

“Crosshair…” Your voice almost sounded like a whisper. 

For a moment, you see the real Crosshair, your Crosshair. But soon replaced by the coldness and aloofness.

“Crosshair, forget the empire. This isn’t you, it’s the inhibitor chip.” Hunter tried to talk some senses into him.

“Wrong.” Crosshair stared back at Hunter. “I had my chip removed a long time ago.” He added.

All of you looked shocked, Tech and Wrecker looked at each other, speechless. Hunter almost looked hurt. 

“Since when?” Hunter asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes”

No. No. This is not Crosshair. The Crosshair you know would never do this.

“Cross, the empire lied about many things, what if they lied to you?” You asked, trying to hold back your tears.

“This is who I am.” 

Crosshair tried to raise his rifle, but Hunter was faster. He stunned him before Crosshair’s attempt.

***

“Hunter, three Venators are descending on the city. We need to leave, now.” Tech stated.

“Wrecker, grab Crosshair. He’s coming with us.” Hunter grabbed Crosshair’s rifle and backpack, while you went to picked up Crosshair’s helmet.

You saw Omega gave Hunter a nod before walking away. Hunter caught you staring at him, so you gave a sad smile to him in return.

“He’s coming home with us.” Hunter said.

***

You and The Batch finally made it to Nala Se’s lab, Tech and Echo were currently trying to figure out a plan. After Crosshair and Hunter’s intense conversation, you saw him walking to the window and taking a seat to rest.

“AZI, come with me, I need your help on something.” You asked.

AZI followed you to Crosshair, you took a seat beside him.

“Crosshair…”

“What do you want?” He asked coldly.

“AZI is a medical droid, he can scan you to check if you still have the chip.”

“Indeed, I helped CT-5555 removed his and CT-5385’s chip according to my memory database.” AZI said.

“Fine.” Crosshair agreed reluctantly.

“CT-9904, this scan only takes a few seconds” AZI said before scanning Crosshair.

To be honest, you knew he still had the chip, you hoped he still had the chip. Cause there was no way, no way the Crosshair you knew would be like this.

“The scan is completed.” AZI said.

“So..?” You asked.

“CT-9904 still has his chip, the chip’s effect was weakened due to the injury from ion engine.” AZI answered.

You felt almost relieved? 

The Batch heard it and rushed to you, “He still has...his chip?” Hunter asked, sounded a little guilty.

Echo, Tech, Omega, and Wrecker looked at each other, surprised by this unexpected news as well.

“That would be correct.”AZI replied.

“Could you remove it, AZI?” Omega asked, she wanted his brother back as much as any of you did.

“Yes. I’m capable of removing CT-9904’s inhibitor chip.”

“Do it.” Hunter said.

You stayed next to Crosshair while AZI removed his chip. The surgery was faster than you think, you hold Crosshair’s hand during the whole surgery, and you still holding it now.

“CT-9904’s chip has been removed. He should be awake in any minutes.” AZI stated.

You felt his hand pressing yours, “Crosshair?”

“I...I…”

“Hey, you’re okay now. We removed your chip.” You reassured him.

Crosshair looked away from you, his eyes filled with guilt, confusion, anger, sadness.

“Don’t you hate me?” He asked. “All those things I had done…”

Your hand reached out to stroke his face, “No. Never. I know it’s the chip, Cross. It’s not your fault.” You smiled at him. “I love you, always and forever.” 

Crosshair put his hand on your face, wiping away the tears falling down your face. “ But I shot at you, I tried to kill you… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“Shhh, I forgive you, Cross. All of it. I’m sorry we didn’t come to save you earlier…” 

Crosshair sat up and pulled you into a hug, you melted into his touch, inhaling his scent. Your Crosshair was finally back to you, this is real. The sleepless night without him, the loneliness, the emptiness, the desperation, were all gone. Crosshair was back to you, alive.

“I love you too, cyare.” He said it back.

He pulled away a little so he could kiss you on the lips, his hand trailed to your nape, kissing you with force. You and Crosshair clung on to each other so hard, afraid you would lose each other again. That was when you heard Hunter cleared his throat, you two finally pulled away from each other.

“I know you two miss each other but this lab is about to collapse. and this is not very…” Hunter said and eyed Omega.

“Right, sorry about that.” You answered, then looked at Crosshair whose arm was still wrapped around you. “Cross.” You nudged him.

“Fine.” He gave up and retreated his arm.

“I see Crosshair still has his severe and unyielding personality.” Tech stated.

“This is called missing someone, Tech.” Crosshair said and pulled out one toothpick to throw it at him.

“Ha! He’s back!” Wrecker exclaimed and playfully punched Crosshair’s shoulder. 

Crosshair pretended to show an annoyed face, but deep down you knew he missed his brothers.

“Listen, Crosshair. I’m sorry. We should have come for you earlier.” Hunter said. “I was trying to keep the rest of the squad safe, but you are one of us. I’m sorry.”

Crosshair didn’t say anything, just stood up and walk toward Hunter. For a moment you thought he was going to punch him, but instead, Crosshair extended his hand to Hunter.

Hunter looked at Crosshair’s hand then his eyes, he reached out his hand to shake Crosshair’s. 

“We need to leave fast, the structure could not hold much longer.” AZI chimed in.

***

All of you finally made it to the platform, for once the Kamino is sunny.

Omega stared at the Tipoca City, which was all destroyed. “It’s… all gone.”

You looked at that direction, the place all clones called home was all gone. The Batch and you took a few seconds to process this, to accept the fact.

“We should leave before Empire’s scouts show up.” Tech said.

“You coming with us?” Wrecker asked, looking at Crosshair.

“Yeah.” Crosshair said and took out a toothpick, putting it into his mouth.

Hunter nodded at him before walking to the ship with the others.

You still stood next to Crosshair, “You ready?” you asked.

“Yeah.” He gave you a little smile then intertwined his hand with yours, leading you to the Marauder. 

You didn’t know what the future would be, but one thing was sure. Crosshair would be right beside you, always and forever.

tagging: @ahsoka1 @kavecika @starwarschicken @itsjml @ct-1994 @loth-wolffe-main @theiirs @thefeatherofhope @ahs0ka-tan0 @mallr4ts @kriffclone

[patkinmon]

Renga fic rec

Since we had a really nice recap episode of our favorite Sk8 moments (excluding ADAM in the end) I think it’s time to post a fic rec for Renga.

I just want to say that we have some insanely talented writers in the fandom and that I love everything that’s been done so far. Also the fics are in no particular order, because like I said, I enjoyed all of them (and the ones who didn’t fit on this list)

Anyway here we go:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29961648

In university, Reki's new friends just want the best for him. If only he'd drop the whole 'I have a boyfriend, he's just in Canada' thing.

OR

The five times Reki's classmates thought that he was lying and the one time they realized he wasn't.

This was so cute. A perfect read and I love the OC characters that Reki had as his friends.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29934609

“I told her the person I like is avoiding me.” Langa blushes, having to stare at his shoes in order to find the courage he needs to say this out loud. “And when she said I should talk to her, I… told her it was a guy.”

Reki goes still. “...So there’s someone else mad at you too?”

“Reki.”

“Langa.”

This was some seriously good smut to read. It’s not to explicit, just the right amount and Reki in shorts? Sign me up!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29818797

“Oh shit,” Reki said, stumbling. “Play along.”

“What—” Before Langa could finish asking, Reki had leaned into his side and grabbed his hand, laughing like they’d been having a completely different conversation.

In which Langa and Reki run into Reki's ex, Reki asks Langa to pretend they're together, and Langa has some realizations.

Who doesn’t enjoy fake dating? Yeah I don’t know either, but it was so so well written and Langa went from confused to concerned so quickly, because all our snowflake wants is for Reki to like him.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29853651

Langa sees it first.

It is a little green envelope right in the center of Reki's desk. His name is written in thick, red marker, the huge kana taking up all the space on the front of it. It’s larger than life, exuberant, a beacon - just like him.

Reki gets a secret admirer.

Langa pines, wonders, comes to a realization, and stumbles into love.

This is the fic for all the Reki stans out their. Like I get that Langa is pretty, but Reki is so cute and I think he would have tons of admirers. Also Langa being a little jealous is always a plus in my books.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29601687

Everyone knows Reki and Langa are dating. Everyone except Reki, that is.

I don’t think I have a lot to say about this fic, besides the fact that it is absolutely amazing. The characterization, the setting, the cute litte moments. Everything is there. Just go and read it!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836800

Reki and Langa go to a bathhouse to make up for Langa's missed experience. With sudden time to themselves, they get busy.

Another smut fic, but this time with Top!Reki. Seriously I want another one like this, because it shows how awkward a first time can be and that you have to do a lot of research to make it good for both parties. Really well done!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29753127

The area between her brows creases. “You know, the girl you like.”

“Mom,” Langa starts, then waits for the nuclear bomb to drop. “I’m talking about a boy.”

Or: Langa and his mom talk.

This one is only with implied Renga, but I adored it the minute I read it. I really love how Mrs. Hasegawa is reacting to Langa coming out to her. They have such a strong bond and it was well written too.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29619591

In which Langa and Reki are so tired one morning they accidentally kiss.

The perfect fic about two people who are absolutely clueless, not only about their feelings but their actions as well. I laught a lot while reading it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253873

Right in the middle of ep. 5 when ADAM presents Langa with roses, things go a bit differently than just Langa accepting the roses.

If you enjoy crack fics, this is the one for you! I would pay money to see Adam’s face after he sees what happens with his roses.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303451

Ever since the beef between Langa and Adam, Reki has been feeling conflicted about the feelings swirling in both his mind and heart. It's enough to cause Langa great concern, and he takes Reki's skateboard away in the promise that he will return it as soon as Reki tells him what's wrong.

How on earth can Reki tell Langa that what's wrong is the feelings in his own heart for the boy?

This was the first smut I’ve read about Renga and I stayed it my memories, because it was so good. Reki asking other people for advice and than confessing, was so real and that he sees the skateboard he made Langa as a form of their love is just beautiful.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303079

Reki was just a beta. He was boring and unappealing. He had no chance with Langa and he knew it.

The last two on the list are WIP, but I had to include them. This one is an ABO with Beta!Reki and it has the best characterization of Reki I’ve read to date. Also I love that it’s not the simple Alpha/Omega dynamic, but it includes a Beta perspective.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771196

Reki doesn't know the first thing about kissing and after a bit of light-hearted taunting, gets the idea to practice with Langa. They're best friends, aren't they? So they should help each other out. Boy lips couldn't be that different from girl lips anyway. Langa, meanwhile, knows this isn't a good idea. Yet, if having Reki to himself is ultimately impossible, then might as well take what he can get--even if it is going to be painful in the end.

Their experimentation starts out innocently enough, but with curiosity and raging hormones at play, they might be too late by the time they go too far.

This one is just awesome. I love kissing practice fics and I can’t wait until it is finished.

So you made it XD Hope some of you enjoy.

[violettelueur]

— FUSHIGURO MEGUMI || WHAT KIND OF PERSON IS YOUR TYPE?

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi (ft. zenin maki + zenin mai + kugisaki nobara + nishimiya momo + miwa kasumi + gojo satoru + iori utahime + itadori yuji) from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : imagine

↳ published : 19 february

↳ pronouns : non specified in imagine but mainly for she/her

↳ word count : 1.1k

↳ synopsis : after the filming of episode 15, you and a few girls in both tokyo and kyoto jujutsu tech were asked one question for this weeks jujutsu sanpo~

↳ request : Hi!! I hope you're having a great day!! I was wondering if I can request a megumi imagine where reader gets asked what's her type (like at the end of ep 15) and she just points to Megumi that's just talking to itadori?

↳ barista’s notes : so i really didn’t know how you wanted your coffee made....but i did it in the format on how the jujutsu sanpo was! i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and please don’t be shy to order again soon ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆

                               JUJUTSU SANPO ♪~

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: WHAT KIND OF PERSON IS YOUR TYPE? 

While staring away from the person asking this question, Maki had somewhat of a straight face while the weapon she was carrying was casually leaning against her shoulder, as if the heavyweight didn’t bother her one single bit.

“Someone who’s stronger than me, at the very least,” Maki replied with a blunt tone as if trying to tell her person that she wasn’t in the mood or that the question they had just asked was really stupid.

Meanwhile with her twin, Zenin Mai…

“Huh? What makes you think I’ll answer?” Mai questioned with an irritated tone that matched the expression on her telling, expressing her annoyance at such questions since there was no way she was going to share her personal preference with someone she has never met before.

While outside the Jujutsu Tech school building, Kugisaki was outside with a pout on her face as she answered the same question in a strange way than the other two had.

“I totally can’t stand a UBSSD,” Kugisaki answered in a tone that seemed to be a mix of determination as well as annoyance, as the thought of her unidealistic type began to plague her mind.

U - Useless 

B - Broke 

S - Smelly

S - Stingy

D - Dead

While her opponent during the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event seemed to be engaged with her phone as droll began to slowly escape from the corner of her lips, as she continuously admires her phone like something on the screen was dearly precious to her - to which seemed like there was an image of a famous actor that she was a fan of.

“Do you know who Sebastian Stan is?” Nishimiya asked in a dreamy tone before letting out a cute giggle as her eyes were still permanently on the image on what now had been identified as Sebastian Stan’s Instagram. “He has a great body,” Noshmiya then commented, as her eyes turned from adoration to slight hunger.

While her second-year junior~

“Well, you know, I like hot guys, like most girls, but I want someone fun to be around, too,” Miwa stuttered with pale pink hues appearing on her face causing you, who was standing next to her, to look at your senior with a weird expression since you can somewhat tell who she was describing at this current moment in time.

‘Isn’t that somewhat Gojo-sensei?’

“And it’s important whether or not he can make you feel like he’s the only one for you,” she then mentioned cheerfully as if she was going to achieve something, leading to your weirded out face to soften slightly since she looked extremely adorable right now. “Oh, gosh, how embarrassing!” Miwa stated, as she suddenly realised that she had rambled her answer while waving her hand to brush off the slight embarrassment she was expressing.

Meanwhile~

                                          ꕥ

Inside one of the rooms within the Jujutsu Tech school, Gojo and Utahime were having a discussion together, where the conversation had landed on the topic of Gojo struggling to remember the name of the person he had taken a picture with.

“Uh, you know, uh, um….wh-what was it?” Gojo staggered as he had his hand over his eyes as if he would just pluck out the answer from the back of his mind in thin air.

“Um, um, um...you know, that girl who seemed nice. The one who seemed nice with the notable bangs,” Gojo described as he turned to his college for the answer. “Come on, come on, you know! That one girl!” Gojo encouraged, as he wanted to know the answer as soon as possible since it was on the tip of his tongue and the feeling of knowing and not knowing was becoming agonising.

Looking down to the floor, Utahime started to recall all the female students that were in both Tokyo and Kyoto Metropolitan Curse Technical College since she was trying to find the person that identified with the limited description that Gojo had given her.

“Nice girl, nice girl, nice girl…” Utahime repeated in a muttered tone as if that description was difficult to pinpoint to anybody that was a ‘nice girl’ - which was…

Even though Maki had slight bangs herself, there was no way she was willingly going to take a picture with Gojo. X

Her twin Mai was already out of the question. X

Kugisaki….no way…X

Nishimiya didn’t have bangs at all and already had a celebrity crush on Sebastian Stan...so she was out. X

Miwa though…O

Looking up at her annoying junior college, she had finally discovered the answer she and him were probably looking for. “Oh. Miwa?” Utahime asked, trying to confirm her suspicion leading to Gojo looking at her realisation on his face as he clearly confirmed that Miwa was the girl that took a photo with him after his sudden meeting with the Kyoto Tech’s principle: Gakuganji.

“Yeah! Her, her, her, her, her!” Gojo exclaimed as he waved his right index finger in the air to emphasise his clarification.

                                               ꕥ

“What about you Y/N? What kind of person is your type?” Miwa unexpectedly asked in a bright tone, as she turned to you, causing you to look at her with widened eyes since you were surprised at the sudden question.

Looking up in the sky, you were acting like you would just grab the air particles and your answer would appear in the palm of your hands.

 However, before you could look down and give your answer to your new-found friend from the opposition school, you suddenly heard two people start talking leading to your eyes to follow the sound to find your two classmates, Itadori Yuji and Fushiguro Megumi talking to each other.

Quickly turning back to Miwa, you slowly lifted your hand before using your index finger to point at the erratic-hair sorcerer, who was currently distracted by having a conversation with your other friend.

“He’s my type,” you casually answered, leading Miwa and the person who asked the question to turn and look at who you were pointing at to find out it was Fushiguro.

“Your taste is quite simple Y/N,” Miwa commented, as she peered at Fushiguro before turning to look at you only to find that you weren’t even looking at your crush but rather that the nature scene right in front of you with pending pale pink hues appearing on your cheeks to avoid looking at the person you had feelings for.

“What are you looking at?” Fushiguro questioned in confusion, as he turned around after feeling a few pairs of eyes looking at him while Itadori peered at you and Miwa in confusion since you were still pointing at him.

‘He doesn’t need to know yet…’

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 15 - FINAL)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 2986

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong

**Song Inspiration: 13 beaches - Lana Del Rey; Hoodie - hey violet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seeing Hayden… it sent you back down to ground zero. You thought your coping mechanisms were helping. You thought surrounding yourself with so many people and friends every night was softening the blow of losing him. 

But you knew it didn’t. Deep down, you knew the day he left your home, you’d never be the same. You would still feel entirely alone in a room full of people. You’d still want to see him before falling asleep and when you woke up. You’d still want to hear his voice as you shared good news. You still wanted to feel his arms after a long day. 

Nothing you did was helping, and you realized it. 

With a lot of work, you kicked your habits. First to go was the coke. You ordered all your friends to never offer you any and if they saw you with it to take it away from you. It took a while, but eventually, you were able to sit right next to someone doing blow and it not phase you. 

Next, was the booze. That was a lot harder. It was easy to reach for a drink. It was easy to go to a bar. It was easy to open a bottle in your house. So you started there. You emptied every bottle and threw them out. You only ordered water and soda when you went out. 

Every step was hard. Turning down drugs and alcohol was hard, but with patience and work, you got better at just saying no. Each day you put between you and your habit was a day you got back. You got back to songwriting now that you could think clearly and drugs weren’t clouding your mind. 

New songs and works in your hands, Trey agreed to get you back in the booth to finish out your EP to a full album. The response to the EP was amazing and you were already getting a lot of recognition. As soon as the album was to hit, Trey worked with a manager to get you a US tour.

The EP evolved, you added so many songs they had to cut a few just to wait for your next one. You worked on album art and merch. Things were looking up, and finally, your album dropped. 

It was a huge hit.

Every platform it went on, it exploded. Almost as if overnight, you were the next star. You had radio interviews scheduled, shows booked, photography sessions scheduled, critics and fans alike agreed that there was so much raw emotion and talent that they all wanted more. Trey and your manager couldn’t move fast enough to get you to every new gig you needed to be at. Merch was flying off the shelves, so to speak, and you were adored. Your fan base was growing every day. 

You were on top of the world, respectively. You loved your life now, and your bandmates were more than just that. They were truly your friends. They helped you when you were down and when you said you wanted to get clean, they supported you as well as everyone else in your circle. 

With your career finally where you wanted it to head, and your social life getting better than it ever had been, all that was missing was a love you weren’t sure you’d ever thought you’d get back. But like with everything else, you channeled it into your art, hoping for some catharsis.

Now the tour was next week, so you decided to take some time to write and reflect before you left LA to embark on this new chapter. 

----------------------

Meanwhile, in the city, Hayden had listened to your album for probably the tenth time. He was lying in his bed in the hotel. Your album had been on repeat and he didn’t know what to think.

The songs had to be about him.

Or maybe he just wanted them to be. 

Or maybe they really were.

But then again, that could be conceit talking. Surely you loved other people. He didn’t even know if you loved him. He had a hunch, based on your self-destructive behavior after the breakup, but he still couldn’t be sure and he didn’t want to just assume.

He decided to take action. He was tired of waiting. He texted a friend and asked where you might be. When his friend got back to him, he said the best shot would be the beach. When he asked which beach, what part, his friend replied with the spot. The exact same spot where he first asked you to date him. 

He threw on his jacket and made his way there. The beach was starting to get dark. An overcast covered the sky, but it was light enough to see everything. The beach was fairly deserted, as he walked up. He saw you, sitting in the sand, your knees pulled up so you could rest your notebook against it as you wrote.

The wind was strong, making it chilly, and to keep you warm, he recognized what you were wearing -- his hoodie. 

He watched you write for a moment, admiring how you looked. Your hair was shinier now than the last time he saw you. You looked better, and he was glad about it. 

“They’re about me, aren’t they? The songs? The whole album,” he said as he stood behind you. 

You stilled, stopping your writing. “Does it matter if they are?” Your stomach suddenly felt uneasy.

“Yes.”

You took a deep breath. “Then yes, they are about you. Is that all you came to say?” 

“No, it’s not,” he said as he came closer and sat next to you in the sand. He pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them, holding onto his hands as he looked out over the ocean.

“What else did you come here for?” you asked softly. 

“To apologize,” he began and you groaned gently.

“Hayden, we’ve been over this. I’m trying to move on with my life. I’m trying to get over you, if that wasn't evident by every song on that album.” 

He turned to you. “I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to move on or forget about me.”

“Oh, great, lovely then,” you said, getting exasperated. “If you’re here to hurt me more, please--”

“I love you,” he fervently said as his hands went to each side of your face. “I’m here to say I’m sorry for not saying it sooner. I’m sorry for breaking you the way I did. I didn’t mean to, at all, but then I did, and you were so hurt, I didn’t know how to help you.”

Your eyes searched his as he let go of you to look back at the waves. Did he mean it? Was he just saying that? Was this a cruel game? Why did he say it now? 

“You could’ve told me that,” you breathed. “You could’ve told me you loved me, it would’ve saved me.” 

“I know, but I didn’t want to use it as something to save you. I wanted to save you, or I wanted you to save yourself. I didn’t want me loving you or returning to you to be the reason you got better. I wanted you to realize that all on your own, to be your own hero.” 

You nodded as you muttered, “Thanks. It worked. I’m clean now. The last time we saw each other kind of… sobered me up.”

“I’m glad,” he said with a small smile. “Can you tell me what happened? We broke up and you… you went off the deep end. I know we were perfect, and I hated ending it the way I did but… drugs? Alcohol?” 

You chewed on your lips as you nodded. “Yeah, it was pretty stupid. I just… I looked to alcohol to numb the pain, you know? Not that atypical. I did it after Jason, that’s where you and I met, with me crying in my beer at a bar over my ex.” 

He nodded, understanding. 

“But then… it wasn’t enough. I…” You took a deep breath, fighting the lump in your throat and the fear of saying this. “I love you. I loved you. More than I’d ever loved anyone else, and suddenly the drinks weren’t enough to mask the pain. I needed something stronger. Anything stronger. I was seeing you every day at home and suddenly I couldn’t kiss you any more, I couldn’t hold you anymore, I couldn’t do anything with you any more. I couldn’t have what we had, and it killed me. I thought that if you stayed around, that if I let you live there, I could get over it. All I needed was you in my life, right?” you asked rhetorically with a sad laugh as the tears rolled down. “Then I kicked you out and it was worse. You weren’t there to help me, to brighten my day. You just… you left. I know I kicked you out, but I was mad, hurting, and high. I went to apologize and ask you to stay, and you were gone, as if you were never there. No note, no letter, no text, nothing. I felt like you were just waiting to get away from me.”

“No,” he assured while shaking his head. “That wasn’t it at all. I just didn’t want to make it awkward for you and I couldn’t watch you do that any more. I tried to talk to you a few times when you came home and you just blew me off. It was killing me to see you like that all the time. I wanted to help you, I really did, I just didn’t know how.”

“I know,” you said with a thick voice. “That’s not your fault. None of it is your fault. You broke up with me, and I handled it poorly. I just… I lost the greatest love my life had ever known. I finally found you, and you just left…” Your gaze turned on him, scorching him. “Why? Why did you give up on us? On me? I deserve to know,” you demanded in a whisper.

He nodded. “You do deserve to know. That’s why I came here. I’m tried of not being with you. I want you, I’ve always wanted you.” 

“So what happened?” you asked quietly, your eyes on his, trying to read his mind. 

“Do you remember that date at the restaurant, when Rachel showed up?” 

You nodded. “Of course. You were weird that night and the rest of the week before we broke up. I just assumed you weren’t over Rachel. Is that it? Was that it? =”

He shook his head. “No, not at all. She asked me outside, she wanted to talk…” 

“Hey, Rach, what’s up?” Hayden greeted once the two of them were outside. 

“Who’s that?” she wondered, getting right to the punch.

“That's Y/N. I’m staying at her place. She’s the one who owns the house where you dropped Briar off that one time.” 

“So she’s been around Briar?” she asked, sounding as if she were betrayed.

He laughed, looking around, confused. “Uh, yeah. It is her house. We went to the park and stuff. It was fun. Briar really liked her.” 

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear our daughter had fun with a stranger.” 

He frowned. “Rachel, what are you talking about? Y/N isn’t a stranger. I’ve known her for several months. We’ve been roommates for a while now.” 

“And how long have you two been dating?” she demanded.

“What makes you think we’re dating?”

“You’re on a date and you didn’t deny it.” 

He held up his hands and laughed slightly, no humor in the sound. “Uh, I’m not sure that’s any of your concern. You’re the one who left me.”

“It’s my concern if she’s around my child. Did you think to ask me before you took her on a playdate with your little girlfriend?”

“No? Briar has a right to know who’s in my life.”

“Oh, but I don’t,” she said, clearly offended and angry. 

“That's not what I said. Look, I care about this woman. She means a lot to me. I would like Briar to get to know her, I think she’ll be in my life for a while.”

“Not if I can help it. I don’t like her being around strangers. So long as you’re with her, Briar won’t be coming around.”

“What? Rach, that’s ridiculous. You can’t keep me from my daughter--”

“I’m not, you can come see her any time you want. I just won’t take her to her house. Jeeze, Hay, you don’t waste any time, do you? We broke up less than a few months ago and you’re already with someone else?” 

“We bonded. I don’t know what you want me to say. Do you want me to apologize for finding someone that makes me happy?”

“No, of course not. I want you to be happy, I’m just a little surprised that you found them so fast.”

“What? Am I hard to love or something?”

“No, I’m just wondering if she’s a rebound, so soon after we broke up and everything. I doubt it though. What kind of example is this for Briar?”

“The fuck are you talking about?” he asked, thorugohly confused.

“Well, her mom and dad just broke up, and in no time at all, you’re with another woman. It might make her think less of love. That if we can go from what we had and you can just hop to the next girl who says hi to you. It’s probably very confusing for her. Did you even think about Briar?”

“It’s not like that,” Hayden assured her, getting frustrated. “Of course I thought about her. I spent a lot of time with Y/N before I ever let her around Briar.”

“Ah, hmm, good to know you’ve spent so much time with her. It really shows how much you care.”

“I do care, Rachel. I still love you but we’ve agreed to end things. You brought it up, not me. Now, I’m trying to find happiness again rather than wallow in it.”

“Yes, that much is clear. Let’s just hope it’s not a rebound and both of you get hurt, hmm? Good to see you, Hayden.”

He explained everything and you sat there, dumbfounded.

“She used Briar Rose against you?” you questioned quietly, flabbergasted.

“In a way. I think she was ultimately jealous that I was moving on before her. I did love her, I still do. I mean she was a huge part of my life, she’s Briar’s mom. But I love you so much more. I just… what she said, I started to worry if it was somehow true. If I was setting a bad example for my daughter. The rebound thing didn’t worry me, I didn’t feel like it was a rebound for me, but I wasn't sure about you, so before anyone got hurt, I thought we’d end it. I thought maybe if we put some distance between us, we’d be okay. If we waited a few months, it would prove to us that we were okay, but then you took it so badly and it all got so out of control. I thought if I told you I loved you back then you’d just think I was lying or trying to get you to get better. I didn’t want it to be questioned when I said to you, finally.” 

You couldn't help but grin. “Failed on that front. Still questioning it.”

He took your hands in his.. “Well please don’t. I do love you. You aren’t a rebound, you never were. You’re no one’s replacement. I love you and only you.” He stroked your hair as he looked at you. “I just made a horrible decision to make a choice for both of us without consulting you.” 

You nodded slightly.

“And for that, I am  so sorry. I am sorry I wasn't there to help you get clean and I’m sorry I’m the reason you even had a problem to begin with. I love you so much and I’ll never leave your side ever again. Of course, that’s… if you still want me.” 

Your eyes flashed to his. “Of course I still want you. All I want is you. Did you not hear a word I said in that album? You’re all I can think about, you’re all I ever want. You’re all I will ever want.” 

He let out a relieved laugh. “I’m so glad you feel the same way. I’ve hated myself every day since I ended this between us. I’ve wanted to make it right, to come back to you for so long.” 

“I’m so glad you finally did,” you breathed as you looked into his eyes. You leaned forward, hoping you weren’t crossing a line, hoping against hope that he wanted this too.

Your lips hit his and life ignited in you. Your hands went to his hair and his hands wrapped around your back as he lowered you to the ground. His lips moved expertly and fervently on your mouth, as if it were the air that he breathed. 

When you two broke, you stared at him in wonder.

“Do you mean it? Do you love me?”

“More than I ever imagined was possible.”

“I love you too, please don’t leave me again.”

“I would never even dream of it. I’m here, and I’ll never go anywhere else. I’m yours for as long as you want me.” 

“I’ll always want you.”

“Then you’ll always have me.” 

That was all you had ever needed, from anyone. You thanked your lucky stars that it was Hayden who granted you that wonderful, beautiful, unconditional kind of love, the one you’d searched for all your life. The one you deserved, you finally had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

@essie1876

@magpiegirl80

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked

@marvel-imagines-yes-please

@missinstantgratification

@thejemersoninferno

@rda1989

@munlis

@thefridgeismybestie

@bubblyanarocks3

@igiveupicantthinkofausername

@kaliforniacoastalteens

@feelmyroarrrr

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@damalseer

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@beiroviski​

Hayden Christensen:

@coldlilheart​

@haydens-moles​

History Repeats:

@multifandomblog315​

[phoebehalliwell]

Phoebe/Andy where they meet in New York and spend a semi-drunken night together where Phoebe's grieving Grams and Andy's trying to comfort her and things kinda go further than they planned and the next morning they swear to never talk about it again to anyone, least of all Prue, but then they both go back to SF and they can't avoid each other so it's awkward but also they keep hooking up in secret which makes it more awkward and then Prue throws out that accusation in "Wedding from Hell" - "You only came back home because you're pregnant!" and Phoebe denies it because no way except she maybe hasn't had a period since she came back home and she's kinda nauseous a lot, and holy crap what if she's pregnant?

omg,,,,,, okay so personally for a phoebe/andy i think it's better if andy didn't date prue just because well it's a lil too roger 2.0 but that being said andy and prue were the same year and again childhood friends so like. and i'm a sucker for this trope: the kinda will they wont they and they don't but there's always this assumption that it's gonna be you at the end. like no we're not dating and no we haven't dated but we have a connection right we like each other your stable i'm stable t's probably just gonna be you. in the end it's gonna be you. like prue always kind of assumed she was gonna end up with andy which is why she never dated him in high school because she wanted room to spread her wings like she was essentially in her mind delaying the inevitable and like. i mean andy kinda had that same vibe too until he moved away from home and kind of the further distance he had from san francisco the more he realized that that was probably never gonna happen and oh wait okay she's engaged now? oh. well i guess that answers that question (debatable on whether or not we include andy's divorce in this tl). and i think kind of the more time andy spent away from home the more he found himself changing the more he realizes how much of him was shaped by other's expectations his friends his fathers there was always this weight molding him into the man people wanted him to be but did he even want to be that guy so i think andy gets a lil more impulsive and reckless and you know when like. someone who had a really mediocre high school experience finally goes away to college and starts getting really fucking weird? this is that, essentially. so he's in a metamorphosis of sorts but not necessarily a good one meanwhile phoebe's feet damn near never touch the ground she's flying so high she doesn't have a second to catch her breath but she doesn't want one she doesn't want to have to think about her past much less her future if she stays in this headrush the only thing that matters is right now and that's all fine and dandy until she runs into someone who is just undeniably a part of the groundwork of her past there's no running from who she was and where she came from when she sees andy and honestly it's like all the air comes flowing back into her lungs and she forgets how good it felt to breathe. and it’s just like. skip the getting to know you part. skip seeing the mess you really are right now. just see the other and see home in them because you know they remind you of your hometown of course that’s it and then with andy it’s like phoebe sees him as other people have always seen him: as a good man. and andy kind of realizes how much he misses that how much he misses his support back home he realizes how much he wants to go home phoebe jokes it’ll be a cold day in hell before she goes back and andy laughs because he remembers just like what a shit stirrer phoebe was she was always the black sheep and she still has so much passion and fire and life whoops they hooked up but it’s okay it doesn’t matter because andy goes home. that was. haha. yeah. that was. you know what we don’t even need to think about it. Until. phoebe returns home and soon her craft gets the gals tangled with law enforcement so andy shows up at the manor phoebe draws the short straw and has to answer it and andy starts seeing her and immediately remarks cold day in hell huh? to which phoebe fires right back and prue and piper and standing there like what the fuck!!! we’ll say idk maybe this is the ep right before wedding from hell so the next episode when the girls are like phoeebs. u might be pregnant. prue is first to ask is it andy’s? to which phoebe’s like What!?! No!?!? What what why i haven’t even seen him in what that’s just pssh oh my god and now the girls just Know it’s andy’s

[machinations-ii]

Debut Album of The Strokes' Is This It and Interpol's Turn on the Bright Lights.

TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS

New York City was in transition in 2002, the devastation of 9/11 still lingered but a new sense of goodwill and compassion flowed through the city with dozens of bands reanimating a faded glory that had come to define the Giuliani era. Arriving after several well-regarded EPS that honed Interpol's Sonic and sartorial sense, it's possible no album captured this moment as vividly as their debut turn on the bright lights. Interpol took shape at NYU in the late 1990s where the band formed partially as a result of mutual fashion appreciation. Frontman Paul banks had come across bassist Carlos dangler in their dorm wearing skin tight black clothing and a giant crucifix. Meanwhile guitarist daniel kessler had already gotten to know Dengler in a world war 1 class after approaching him with a compliment about his shoes, and the trio eventually found replacement drummer Sam Fogerino while he was working in a used clothing store. Soon after coming together, the group started to jam at Funkadelic studios, PDA was already in embryonic form by then. After hustling in the NYC circuit and recording here and there, a chance meeting with Emma Pollock of the Delgado's led to the release of an Interpol EP in 2000 on the esteemed chemical underground label. On the heels of the EP success and in the midst of the post strokes gold rush in New York City, Interpol scored a deal with Matador Records then home to bands like Belen Sebastian, yo a tango, and pavement. Chris Lombardi of Matador claimed that he was most impressed by the business-like manner with which the band conducted themselves the suits first and foremost. Interpol decided to record turn on the bright lights at producer Peter Quedas's home studio in Bridgeport Connecticut to avoid all of the temptations New York City had to offer a hot young band while Cadis has gone on to produce the national, Frightened Rabbit, and Yan C, his most recent credit prior to turn on the bright lights was engineering the get up kids on a wire. Sessions were contentious Carlos D had wanted more keyboards, more nights on the town, and the title of the record to be celebrated baselines of the future. If banks had his way, PDA wouldn't have even made the record. However Quedas protested and told him that's their hit single, which it was. Quedas was not enthused with the new, until the final mix which had him in tears. But for all the seriousness and grandeur of turn on the bright lights moments of humor abounded. The spoken intro of Stella was a diver and she was always down; was recorded while banks was ad-libbing with ice in his mouth “this one called Stella was a diver she's always down”. Anchored by Carlos D and Fogerino’s hulking rhythm section, Banks created it in New York City recognizable to its citizens but in cryptic indelible lyrics. “The subway was a porno”, “relationships were a bracelet” and “they had 200 couches for you to sleep” when it all felt like too much. Beginning with a crowd stoking instrumental that would foreshadow runs opening for U2 and the Cure, turn on the bright lights resulted in music of unusually sweeping and grandiose gestures that felt foreign to rock music in general at the time but especially to indie rock. It's hard to imagine the transition towards the post-punk bombast of Arcade Fire, The Killers, and the National without Interpol opening the lane first. While local papers would occasionally snark at them as fashion victims and post-punk dilettante, critical acclaim for turn on the bright lights was overwhelmingly positive. The brilliance of turn on the bright lights is all the more apparent 19 years later a beacon that continues to shine radiantly during its city's darkest moments. IS THIS IT

Fueled by hype that was extraordinary even by the standards of the British press, The Strokes became instant superstars in the UK long before their fellow Americans heard “is this it” thirty-six stylish lo-Fi down-and-dirty minutes of unwholesome Downton Blues that evoke The Velvet Underground, The Ramones, television, and countless others who will firm New York City as the epicenter of punk rock cool, the strokes debut was already in stores in the UK for months before its eventual American release mere weeks after the September 11th attacks. Is this it subsequently took on an unintended resonance and became a sentimental document of a New York City that would no longer exist after Rudolph Giuliani, gentrification, and the war on terror. The Strokes may not have saved rock and roll themselves but The Libertines, Franz Ferdinand, Interpol, the killers, and the Arctic Monkeys likely wouldn't exist without “is this it”. while several members of The Strokes have been playing together since high school in a project called “just pipe” the band truly took shape after guitarist Albert Hammond jr. joined the group he and singer Julian Casablancas attended the same Swiss boarding school and reconnected after Hammond returned to New York City and serendipitously moved across the street from Elite Model Management which just so happened to be owned by Casablancas’ father. Contrary to the stereotype of The Strokes as a prefab overnight success, the group struggled throughout the late 90s playing to empty rooms before their demo got the attention of Rough Trade ANR man Jeff Travis, nor were they predator naturally cool from the start. before The Strokes first gig Hammond claims the band was so nervous they watched the Eddie Murphy movie Bowfinger to calm themselves. Preliminary sessions for is this it were recorded with Gil Norton best known for his work with the Pixies but also Foo Fighters “ultra slick the color in the shape” for the album itself The Strokes would reunite with Gordon Raphael who previously produced the modern age EP. The unorthodox production of “is this it” was the result of Raphael using a minimal number of microphones and following Casablancas says requests to have it sound like your favorite blue jeans not totally destroyed but worn in comfortable. According to Raphael an A&R guy named Steve obelisk II held is this it most unprofessional sounding music that he has never heard. The strokes declined the invitation from MTV to play alongside the vines in the hives at the 2002 Video Music Awards. The band didn't want to be lumped in to quote the new rock revolution it consisted of mostly bands with the word the and a plural noun in their names. Casablancas told MTV I'm not going to do a band off with them and strokes manager Ryan gentle said “that was pretty much the last time we were played on MTV”. The infamous bare-bottom on the international release of is this it is that of photographer Colin lanes girlfriend, however concerns about whether conservative chain stores like Target and Walmart would carry the record but The Strokes to switch to the American cover shot of a subatomic particle in a bubble chamber Casablancas is rumored to have liked it even more than the original. A more crucial alteration from the international version involves the removal of its own, New York City cops all involved agreed that a chorus of New York City cops they ain't that smart would be considered in poor taste after 9/11 even if the song was written years previous by removing the song from the US release of is this it there's not a single song in a Strokes album that has mentioned New York City by name. Well The Strokes achieved a level of popularity rivaled by few American bands in the 21st century is this it was considered a commercial disappointment in its time it peaked only at number 33 on Billboard while lead single last night topped out at number five of the modern rock chart with some day stalling at Number 17. Long story short, these two albums (and arguably two of the best rock albums of all time) had left a dent in my

life for it defined my teenage years when I had nothing, lost, and frustrated with my life. It reminded me the melancholic time that I had in the past. So I'll leave you guys with a lyrics from each album and try to find the song that corresponds to it :). "I have 7 faces, and I know which one to wear" "Soma is what they would take when hard times opened their eyes and saw pain in a new way"

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec/review: go ahead

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: go ahead Episodes: 40 Genres: family, healing/melodrama, slice of life, romance Spoilers in the Rec: for the first 20% ish/set-up If You Like, You’ll Like: reply 1988, le coup de foudre, find yourself (same production company/main male actor), rain or shine/just between lovers, found family stories, meet again stories

Rank: 10/10** (see Drawbacks section)

PREMISE

widower hai chao and his 6 year old daughter jian jian live happily above his noodle restaurant despite the recent, tragic death of his wife. one day, dysfunction junction a married couple (he ping, a police officer, and chen ting, a real piece of work) move into the same building with their 7 year old son, ling xiao. immediately, jian jian attaches herself to ling xiao, who is unexpectedly grim for a small child. 

because ling xiao’s family is less-than-healthily grieving the loss of their youngest child, ling xiao’s sister who died in a terrible accident. The Apartment of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms eventually implodes, ending with chen ting abandoning her husband and son. he ping, suddenly a single father, and hai chao come to a friendly partnership that is clearly alluding to gay marriage where they co-raise both of their kids--hai chao as the primary caregiver, and he ping supporting them financially through his job as a policeman.

meanwhile, the neighborhood busybody is dead-set on getting hia chao remarried. eventually she introduces him to a divorced single mother, he mei, and her son zi qiu, who is ling xiao’s age. they sort of start to date, but it culminates in he mei skipping town and leaving zi qiu behind. hai chao, man with a heart of gold, informally adopts him and zi qiu becomes jianjian’s foster brother.

from there, the trio grow up happily and become inseparable. but once zi qiu and ling xiao graduate high school, the bullshit parade their respective childhood skeletons reappear in their lives. circumstances lead to the boys moving overseas, leaving jianjian and their fathers behind. 

they reunite after 9 years, when the boys return to a home where they hope to pick things back up from where they left off. things are more complicated than that, as jianjian finds herself in a new life and surrounded by new people. 

MAIN CHARACTERS

li jian jian

hai chao’s daughter and the only girl in the family. she attended the required short-hair-low-grades training program required of all cdrama youth female leads. super positive and outgoing, as well as the youngest of the three pseudo-siblings, jian jian grows up spoiled and over protected by her father and brothers, and as a result is completely devastated once her family falls apart. it’s so sad.

after the time skip, she’s an on-the-verge successful artist who makes woodcarvings, and exudes big art bro energy. inhales sugar like it’s nobody’s business. she inherited her father’s disease called caring too much, and it’s incurable!! 

ling xiao

the eldest brother and resident fun police. ling xiao comes from a seriously toxic home that finally seems to improve once his mother leaves. but then she comes back. fucking great. introverted to the point of being withdrawn to anyone but his chosen family, ling xiao’s had to carry a lot of emotional weight that takes a larger and larger toll on him as the series progresses. please get this boy some therapy. 

becomes a dentist because jian jian needs one. wears a lot of monochromatic outfits with low necklines because heavy angst but make it fashion. has been in love with jian jian since high school and is still carrying that torch 9 years later.

he zi qiu  

the middle child who grows up in hai chao and jian jian’s home, and is her foster brother in all but paperwork. hotheaded, zi qiu and jian jian basically share two brain cells that ling xiao routinely takes from them for safekeeping. he spoils jian jian, sneaking her snacks and junk food and wants to become a pastry chef so he can open a sweet shop for her!!

my favorite character. just wants to be wanted 8( him and hai chao’s relationship is my favorite dynamic in the series. will sob while driving a pink moped. is too proud to beg

li hai chao (left) and ling he ping (right)

the greatest (hai chao) and okayest (he ping) dads in the world! noodle dad/hai chao has never done anything wrong in his life, ever, and we know this and we love him. he ping isn’t a bad person, but demonstrates pretty classic absentee parenting/isn’t as emotionally present in his son’s life as hai chao. hai chao is the heart of the family, and would do anything for his kids 8( 

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS 

tang can (left) and qiu ming yue (right)

jian jian’s #GirlGang and roommates. they, like literally everyone in this drama, have some severe mom issue hang-ups. tang can (left) is a former child actress who is struggling with her lack of success as an adult and gives well-meaning but absolutely terrible advice on the regular. 

ming yue (right) is jian jian’s best friend since childhood and as an adult is trying to break free from her mother’s controlling nature--she’s also had a thing for ling xiao for the last 9 years. raises fish for symbolism purposes.

chen ting

ling xiao’s mom and certified garbage human. unable to cope with the death of her daughter that was her fault lbr, she abandons her family and disappears for ten years. she forces her way back into ling xiao’s life when he turns 18, where it’s revealed that she’s remarried and ling xiao has a younger half-sister chengzi (”little orange”). shit goes down, and soon ling xiao is forced to move back to singapore to serve as primary caregiver to both his mother who abandoned him and the half sister he barely knows. 

emotionally abusive and basically hits every single square on the toxic parent bingo card. i just. i just hate her. even typing this out is making me mad.

he mei

zi qiu’s mother. after a few dates with hai chao, she ends up ditching her kid and disappearing for unknown reasons. is a slightly better parent than chen ting but that’s like saying some poison kills you slower. the show tries to bring us around on her but it didnt work for me. 

SOME OTHERS

zhuang bei, zi qiu’s best friend growing up who i would like a lot less if he wasn’t played by the same actor who played my beloved dachuan

zheng shuran, jian jian’s first boyfriend and fellow artist who’s got a weird thing for women’s waists and pretentious artists’ statements

du juan, jian jian’s friend who co-owns their woodworking studio. has absolute trash taste in men

chengzi, ling xiao’s half-sister who can be a brat but dear god does she need to be protected/saved 

**DRAWBACKS

so this is a weird one for me. what i didn’t like i really didn’t like, but what i loved i really loved. ultimately, the factors/uniqueness of this show and the loveability of the main characters outweighed the negatives and it’s one of my favorite dramas.

THAT SAID. i got some #thoughts on this one. 

first, there are literally no positive mother figures in this show. not a damn one. they are all negligent or controlling at best or down right abusive at worst. no woman over 30 is portrayed positively and that’s a big No from me. 

the last 10 eps have some pacing issues and focus on the wrong people. spending the remaining episodes focused on one of the most universally hated characters vs. the main family was a bad move 

the show tried to redeem or make us sympathize with characters that were, to me, completely irredeemable. one case is worse than the other, but both of them were terrible people that deserved to be cut out of the main family’s lives.  

REASONS TO WATCH

the main family. the characters are so wonderful and nuanced, and their dynamics with one another were amazing. you’ll fall in love with hai chao aka noodle dad and the trio. they go through so many trials but they still stick together and it’s ultimately a healing drama and i loved it very much.

the central romance was less in focus, but the pining is enough to make jane austen emerge from the grave. i loved the leads together, and while LOL ling xiao’s attachment to jian jian was not always healthy, they supported each other and it made me smile. i love me a tortured pining dude.

#Acting. everyone played their parts to perfection. the child actors in particular were so well-cast (esp baby zi qiu)

the soundtrack lmao. you watch the opening credits and know you’ll need to buckle up

idk it’s a very unique show, and i haven’t seen one like it. reply 1988 comes close, but it doesn’t tackle the same issues and it was all just very real and earnest. 

Final Thoughts.

GOODNIGHT, GOOODBYYYYYE MY CHILDREEEEEEEN

[amltdaily]

When A Million Little Things‘ Gary takes matters into his own hands, he really takes matters into his own hands.

We’re referring, of course, to the final moments of the ABC drama’s Season 3 finale, which found Gary drawing Sophie’s lecherous music teacher Peter out onto his front porch, throwing a bag over his head and then bodily moving him back into the house, slamming the door behind them.

The move, coming from the generally affable actuary, was a shocking way to end Season 3 — though series creator DJ Nash tells TVLine that he’s threaded hints through the previous seasons.

“We’ve seen bits of it throughout the series, whether it’s him smashing the painting with Jon or him punching the car and having that guy pull a gun on him,” the executive producer says. “It probably goes back to the anger he feels about his mom leaving him. He definitely wants the world to be just, and it’s not, and I think he tries to line up justice wherever it’s askew.”

When he can’t — such as when Sophie’s complaint of sexual harassment isn’t enough for the police to arrest Peter — “it’s really hard for [Gary] to accept that,” Nash adds.

Elsewhere in the two-hour season-ender:

* Darcy decided to move to Lenox, Mass., so Liam could be close to his dad. After much deliberation, Gary decided to move with her. But when he mentioned that he thought their future involved having a child together, Darcy made it clear that she did not want that. Later, though, she had a change of heart and called Gary, leaving him a voicemail saying that she thought he would make a great dad and maybe they could discuss the possibility. But he was busy when the call came. (See above.)

* Delilah returned from France in time to accompany Sophie to the police station, where she told a detective about what Peter had done to her. She also handed over Layla’s diary as evidence. But the detective sadly told her that it wasn’t enough to arrest Peter, though he thanked her for giving them something with which to start a file on him. Gary got really mad and kicked a garbage can across the room.

* Soon after, Delilah told Eddie that she wanted to move back to France with the kids. Danny and Sophie balked at the news, and Gary lit into Delilah. “I’m so sorry you’re not happy, but you know what? I’m not sure you’re entitled to be,” he said. (And that wasn’t even the meanest part!) The interaction left Delilah sobbing.

* Regina made the tough decision to close Someday, which had been failing in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic and her concussion. Meanwhile, Rome comforted Tyrell after the teen learned that his mother’s deportation stemmed from getting pulled over by police while driving to FedEx his application for a summer program.

* Theo burned his hand on Katherine’s watch; Eddie’s lawyer told him to get photos of the injury so they could use it against Katherine in the custody battle. So Eddie did, but he felt bad about it and later told Katherine that he wouldn’t use the photos against her. Instead, he drew up an agreement for joint custody, in which he can be with Theo without supervision and in which he will take a weekly drug test. If he fails, she gets full custody. “I promise, I will not fail Theo,” he said.

* But that wasn’t all Eddie was up to. He answered a call from a blocked number, thinking it was a telemarketer, but the woman on the other end was crying. “I’m the person who hit you,” she said, apologizing.

* Gary visited his father, who tacitly agreed to give him an alibi for the evening. Then Gary went off and did the bad thing.

Read on as Nash breaks down the packed episode: Eddie’s call, Gary’s premeditated act, the possibility of new romance in Season 4 and more.

TVLINE | I was shocked when we saw what Gary did in that final scene. How in control of himself would you say he is there? Well, he goes to his dad’s and sets up an alibi, so this wasn’t… It appears as though whatever he does behind that door is premeditated.

TVLINE | I want Peter to undergo slow and painful torture, but still, I don’t want Gary to do it. I remember the idea for the last scene came to me much earlier in our season… Elizabeth [Laime], one of our writers, has been very forthcoming about sharing her story, and it led to a beautiful heartbreaking story about Sophie… I had this idea for this scene, and I knew just this one scene could actually be tacked on a bunch of episodes, because it does sort of stand alone. The way we’ve done it with the podcast, it became a piece where Sophie’s commenting on other casualties and the other people who are hurt by what Peter did. But we shot that scene before.

When I got the idea for the scene… I called Elizabeth to go, “Hey, I just want to make sure you’re OK with this story,” and she goes, “I love it.” Because part of what our show is is a bunch of writers talking about their pain and maybe writing different endings, you know? You write the version of your parents’ divorce you wish had happened, or you write the version of losing a friend to suicide. I mean, they all come from very personal places. So, then I talked to James [Roday Rodriguez], he said to me, “What happens on the other side of that door?” … And then he said, “OK. Love it. Where do we find moments of that leading up to it?” He and I talked pretty extensively, because I wanted him to play some subtle moments. Whether it’s something a little more overt like kicking the trash can in a police station, [and] there are other moments that when we get to next season, you’ll realize, oh, did they know here? And those are moments that he and I and the directors found to place.

TVLINE | I was — I’m not suggesting for a second in any way that what Gary went over to do is something people should do. [Laughs]

TVLINE | I will make sure that we leave that part in. So can we talk about the call Eddie gets at the end of the episode? What I love about this show is there’s enough plates spinning that… we can get you to forget about one essential plate, and then we can come back to it. It had been enough time now where people had figured, “Oh, maybe it’s not playing out.” Also, [I had to] decide how much of that call to put in the finale. That call goes on.

TVLINE | With Katherine and Eddie breaking up, you now have two more players that can mix it up with others. Yeah.

TVLINE | And I know you’ve said that Gary and Delilah are not going to be a thing. They will never be a thing!

TVLINE | You’re going to get into season 10 and you’re going to be like, “Remember when I told you they were never going to be a thing? About that…” [Laughs] When that story happens, you’ll be like, ‘Oh, you must not be on the show anymore.”

TVLINE | What I’m getting at is that it feels like we might see a bunch of new faces next season. Is that at all on your radar? Yes. There will be people in their lives, and I’m happy to tip that we’re going to see Katherine — Carter set up a dating profile. Is something happening there? And we’re seeing Eddie, who is single for the first time in a long time, and single for the first time ever in a wheelchair, and we’ll see how he gets the confidence and the courage to go out there again.

TVLINE | Poor Regina with her concussion and her restaurant going south. Tell me there’s some brightness coming her and Rome’s way. Well, I actually think there already is. I think there already is… If you look at where Regina ended last season — with thinking that she had this baby, and this mom changing her mind, and her being devastated — where she ends the next season is with her baby consoling her. So I don’t think that’s sad at all. But she does have to figure out what her next chapter of her life’s going to be, and it’s not going to be easy.

[killjoyhistoryarchive]

“Conventional Weapons” and the Rocky Road to “Danger Days”

In 2009, My Chemical Romance was buzzing with activity. The band performed several shows and festivals (including Summer Sonic in Japan), Gerard and Mikey Way attended San Diego Comic Con, and The Umbrella Academy was named one of Amazon’s top comics of 2009. Ray Toro held a Whopper eating contest on the official MCR website (no joke), while a certain comic series written by Gerard Way and Shaun Simon was announced in August. And at a show at the Roxy in Los Angeles, MCR performed three new songs from their upcoming album.

But while their next album seemed easily slated for an early 2010 release, MCR was about to hit a series of hurdles that would leave them with a scrapped album, a lost drummer, and a totally new outlook on where their music was headed.

On July 31st, 2009, MCR performed a set at the Roxy that included three new songs–“Kiss The Ring,” “The Drugs,” and “Death Before Disco.” Gerard was enthusiastic about the new tracks, even telling Rolling Stone that “Death Before Disco” was “the greatest song we’ve ever written.” Videos of the tracks soon appeared online, where fans eagerly devoured what they thought would be the follow-up to 2006’s The Black Parade.

As the days and weeks went on, the media blitz kicked into high-gear. While Ray Toro posted short studio clips on MCR’s website, the band gave several interviews where they gushed about producer Brendan O'Brien, discussed their new stripped-down style, and claimed that this would be their best record yet. In an interview with MTV, Gerard described the still-untitled album as a “true love letter to rock and roll,” adding:

“There’s something about being an American rock-and-roll band that we’ve kind of grown into and we’re very proud of. And I think that’s what we’re celebrating with this record. There’s no agenda, there’s no mission; it’s just about rock and roll.”

Meanwhile, Gerard Way and close friend Shaun Simon had another surprise in store: a comic series called "Killjoys.” Dark Horse Comics announced the release at San Diego Comic Con. Jeremy Atkins, the Dark Horse Director of Public Relations, described “Killjoys” as “a psychedelic rock-and-roll road trip adventure geared toward both fans of The Umbrella Academy and My Chemical Romance.” But not much else was said about the comic, as MCR’s upcoming album had become Gerard’s top priority.

As the album drew closer to completion, MCR gave fans more glimpses of what lay in store. They shared the titles of various tracks, including “Still Alive,” “Trans Am,” “Hail To The King,” “Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back," “L.A. Heavy,” "The Only Hope For Me Is You,” and “Black Dragon Fighting Society.” They cited a variety of influences, including Queen, Judas Priest, Bruce Springsteen, The Killers, and Blade Runner. By all accounts, this was going to be MCR’s defining album.

In December, MCR previewed seven tracks for SPIN magazine. A month later, in January of 2010, the album–which was still untitled–was rumored to be released on March 30th. As they continued to rework the songs, they realized that the stripped-down sound wasn’t working. As NME reported in January:

Things turned around with a song called “Trans Am,” now renamed "Bullet Proof Heart,” the likely first single. And perversely, they did it by returning to fiction. Broadly, it’s about a boy in New Jersey, dressed in a Judas Priest T-shirt, called Johnny. And a girl called Jenny who might be his girlfriend, but who also (honk the pop fact sirens!) might also be the missing girl from “Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine” by The Killers.

But in the same interview, Gerard restated that the album would give "the purest, best version of the band you could ever hope for.” And in early February, MCR finally started to wrap up production, telling Big Cheese that the album would probably be released in spring or summer.

“Killjoys” also looked promising–back in January, Scott Allie had reported in a blog post that Shaun Simon and Becky Cloonan were ready to get started. Once Gerard wrapped up the album and finished working on the Umbrella Academy movie screenplay, it seemed like he’d be ready to dive in.

But February was also when the band publicly stumbled for the first time.

Before the Big Cheese interview, MCR had abruptly cancelled their appearance at the Soundwave festival in Australia. In a blog post on MCR’s website, Frank claimed that Gerard was having voice problems (he jokingly implied that it was due to coffee and cigarettes) and required treatment to make a full recovery.

Fans were disappointed, but most understood that it couldn’t be helped. But a month later, the fandom received another shock: MCR’s drummer Bob Bryar had departed the band. In another blog post, Frank told fans:

As of 4 weeks ago, My Chemical Romance and Bob Bryar parted ways. This was a painful decision for all of us to make and was not taken lightly. We wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors and expect you all to do the same. We also wanted to give you all a quick heads up on how the record is progressing. We have been writing some very powerful new songs so this week the four of us entered the studio once again, and what has been ending up on tape each night is some of the most exciting and honest work we have ever created.

The fandom was stunned. Clearly, MCR had been experiencing some behind-the-scenes turmoil, suggesting that the process wasn’t going as smoothly as fans had thought. While it wasn’t known at the time, they also parted ways with producer Brendan O'Brien, who had been hired specifically to channel their raw, back-to-basics sound. Where would MCR go from here? And when would fans hear the latest album–which was apparently undergoing rewrites once again?

It wasn’t until late 2010 that fans would finally learn what had happened to this unreleased album.

This moment, says frontman Gerard Way, looking back on what went wrong, “was the hardest part”. Guitarist Ray Toro was “home dealing with some family things”, leaving Way, his bassist brother Mikey, and guitarist Frank Iero alone in the mixing studio. “The sinking feeling was really starting to become loud that it wasn’t right - that the record wasn’t finished, I couldn’t even put them in a track order … "Thinking about it now, it’s kind of upsetting, because I just felt so lost,” Gerard says.

This was discussed in an interview with Herald Sun, where they talked about the process of starting again after the departure of their drummer and producer. Speaking to Music Radar, Ray Toro talked about the struggles the band had with original producer Brendan O'Brien, admitting that it hadn’t gone as well as they once thought:

“He was really trying; he did the best he could with us. He knew things weren’t clicking, and he’d try to rally us. I remember he said, ‘Hey, on some songs, I’d love to hear you do what you did on The Black Parade.’ Because there wasn’t any of the harmonized guitar parts or the stacking that I usually do. He was trying to get us to make one record, and we wanted to make something totally different.

Musically, we wanted to go back to our basement. But just because we wanted to do something different didn’t make it easy. In many ways, we felt as though we were holding ourselves back creatively. We were going through the motions. Some of the songs were good, but we weren’t happy with all of them.”

Needing a break, Gerard took a vacation to the desert that surrounded Los Angeles. There, as he told Terminal 5, he realized “I had started the band after 9/11 when I hated art. Black Parade had been about hiding and punishment. I couldn’t tell the truth so I’d talk about cancer instead. I had to put on a mask to show people who I really was. But now it was time to own it. To be who I was before this band started. And I had something in my back pocket: this song, ‘Na Na Na.’”

Reunited with producer Rob Cavallo, who had worked on The Black Parade, the band kicked things off with “Na Na Na.” Gerard and Shaun Simon’s comic “Killjoys,” once a separate side project that had nothing to do with the band, suddenly became the concept that they formed the album around. Fueled by fresh creative energy, the band wrote and re-wrote tracks, came up with concepts and characters like Dr. Death Defying, and shredded the limitations that had confined them. At one point, Gerard turned to his brother Mikey and said “Danger Days, here we come again!”

Not everything from the previous record was scrapped. “Trans Am” became “Bulletproof Heart”; “Death Before Disco” became “Party Poison.” A few new versions of old tracks appeared on the record, as well as the Mad Gear and Missile Kid EP that came later. But MCR’s fourth album had gone from a rock and roll record that deliberately avoided ambitious storylines, to a vividly realized concept album that invited fans into the world of post-apocalyptic California. In many ways, it was the opposite of what they had originally planned. And it seemed to be exactly what they had been looking for.

During this time, Frank snapped in-studio photos that he sold on MCR’s official website, offering one-of-a-kind peeks into the recording process. In March, Mikey Way stated in a blog post that “One day you will wake up, and nothing will ever be the same again, but it’ll feel like an old friend.” He was talking about upcoming changes to the MCR website, but in a way that statement reflected the band’s process at the time–they had completely reinvented themselves, and yet there was still a certain familiarity in the old tracks they had revamped.

The band completed the album with fresh energy, offering sporadic updates in the coming months. Fans waited with some skepticism to see what MCR had in store. And finally, one day in early September, MCR’s website disappeared and was replaced with a mysterious transmitter. The Danger Days era had begun.

But was the scrapped album hidden away, never to be heard again? Not quite.

In 2012, in a blog post on MCR’s website, Frank talked about the feelings of depression that he had faced after The Black Parade. He felt like MCR had done it all, leaving them with nothing left to accomplish. In November 2008, Gerard called him up to talk about the band. As new ideas took shape, they prepared to start recording the album that would eventually be scrapped after months of work.

Frank pointed out that while the band had limited themselves during the recording of this album, the songs weren’t inherently bad–in fact, some of them were among his favorites that the band had produced. As time passed, he developed a greater appreciation for the tracks. And when the band met up and listened to those songs, they decided to release a selection of tracks to the public–two tracks a month for the next five months, for a total of ten.

After all this time, the album finally had a title: Conventional Weapons. Tracks included “Kiss The Ring,” “The World Is Ugly,” “Surrender The Night,” and the fan-favorite “The Light Behind Your Eyes.” Listening to the tracks, it was clear that MCR had aimed for a rock album with a pure American sound–no ambitious concepts or storylines, just a set of killer tracks. Whether they succeeded is up to the listener to decide, but they provided some insight into what came before Danger Days.

Due to its unconventional release, and the fact that the album was a series of random tracks and not a finished product, Conventional Weapons is not considered an “official” MCR album. But while Danger Days was the final album, Conventional Weapons was the final release before MCR broke up in 2013. Since the split, the release of CW has caused many fans to wonder–will My Chemical Romance’s fifth (and unreleased) album ever be shared in a similar fashion? Or will it be locked away forever, like the other CW tracks that were never released?

Only time will tell. But for now, Conventional Weapons serves as an intriguing part of MCR’s history–a time when the band set out to make one type of album, and ended up making the complete opposite.

(Picture credits: 1 2 3. Other in-studio photos by Frank Iero.)

[Originally published 07.09.2017]

[jordm]

Heartland 14x10 - Staying the Course review

So lets pretend I’m not a week late to watch the ep but rather... I just waited to watch in its normal time slot... a week later... okay?

Anyways, the finale - here we go!

How cute was the opening, with Amy riding up as Katie and Lyndy skate on the rink? If any of you have a rink like this in your backyard, I am very envious. Emmy and Ruby really love skating and it shows.

Amy rides to the area where Ty initially set up the jumping course, y’know before they could afford proper jumping gear and we’re treated with another flashback. I wonder how long these flashbacks will last if S15 is a go.

Blonde guy, Cooper? stops by and asks if she wants to work with him at the centre. Amy stops by to look at a horse called Challenge (I swear, I’m paying attention lmao), and her and Cooper seems to have a good rapport. Does this mean I want her jumping into another relationship? No, however, it is good nice to see Amy talk to other people besides her family/Caleb.

Cooper ends up losing his funding before he even begins, and Amy wants to help (with Parker!). So at Georgie’s competition, Parker starts to fundraise and Amy accidentally calls out the donor who backs out. However, this results in the donor reinvesting, so good on them. My question is, does this mean that Cooper and Amy will be in each others circles a lot more next season? I’m all for them being friends, but i’m not entirely sure I want Amy jumping back into another relationship so soon. More friends and exploring more opportunities would be nice though. 

It’s nice to see Amy (6 months later) jumping the course with Shadow because I think this shows real growth and acceptance/moving on from Amy over Ty’s death. Something, that has been a season and change and probably something that may still come up over the years but nevertheless still nice to see she’s slowly healing.

Lou and Mitch is continuing to plan their wedding and everyone they invited said yes... except Peter said no. Now now, Lou, what did you expect? For your ex to be happy to come see you get married to another guy? I know you guys have a good co-parenting relationship but still, wouldn’t that be a lil awks? How does she slip and call Peter her husband? Something tells me this won’t bode well for Lou & Mitch. Aidan has a point.. why does she care Peter can’t attend?

Lou “dreaming” about her life with Peter and Lou via flashbacks, is also not a good sign. Speaking of which, if this wedding doesn’t happen, I will be sad that we missed the chance to see Caleb and Cass at date night. Here’s to more C/C next season (and in particular Cass in person please!)

Peter (with a moustache) facetimes Lou IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT and says he can’t attend because he can’t just sit there and watch her go off into a new life.... which fair??!? I would not be able to attend my ex-husbands wedding - but then he says he still has feelings for her, something none of us saw coming /s.

So my question is, if we were going to end up with this breakup, why even have them get back together? It could have been explained that they just didn’t work out vs put us through this, but hey, to each their own. I guess they were finally honest about what he wanted. Too bad he didn’t realize it before they had already started wedding planning. It was the right thing to break up if Lou still harbours feelings towards Peter and Mitch wants a family (which Lou can’t provide nor wants) so it only makes sense that they... um, took a break? So they didn’t really break up they just took a break? Is this Rachel and Ross all over again?

Meanwhile, Georgie is practicing for the upcoming competition, when Quinn informs her that a scout for Equestrian Canada will be there. Anyways, not much to say about this but Georgie ends up getting the business card from Equestrian Canada - the road to the Olympics continues!

A side story is Quinn having trouble sleeping after Tim became his roommate and you know what? I can relate. Snoring is hard to sleep with. This leads to Tim crashing back at the dude ranch and meeting Jessica and them having a heart to heart. Jessica was scared that meeting Tim ruined her life changed and Tim just wanted Jessica around. 

The solution? Tim tagging along on Jessica on her photography adventures, and what a great compromise that is. If I am Tim, it sounds amazing. I really like Jessica and Tim together so I am really glad they worked it out and hope it ends better than his other relationships.

A few end notes:

* I’m surprised that Aidan hasn’t had a bigger role in this season, besides being Lou’s sidekick in the mayoral office... maybe next season we’ll see more of him?

* I know Georgie (Alisha) was not in every episode but I didn’t miss her when she wasn’t in like I missed Ty. I think this is because her explanation for being away was a lot more sound, realistic and practical. To me, in my head, her being away to focus on jumping (especially since school is online) just made sense, vs for example Ty being away in MONGOLIA.  Do I wish we got to see Georgie grieve more over Ty and get her perspective between the tiny one we got when she first came back after Florida? Absolutely, but maybe we will see more of that next season. It has, of course been a year and change so its possible we missed it all or only getting muted reactions.

* Lou is still using an older iPhone model. Think it’s time for an upgrade?

* The flashbacks made me realize how much the cast has grown up. Rewatching older Heartland episodes and seeing the glow up is amazing.

[zappho]

Some Meta on Murdock and mental illness

Generally speakig, The A-Team is a dumbass, light-hearted comedy with action on the same level as youtube poop videos. Obviously there isn’t alot of depth to be found here. The show had tons of different writers, all with their own take on Murdock and none of them offer any clear info or a proper backstory for the character. It’s basically up to the audience to fill in the blanks and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do by overanalyzing the mess that is the show’s canon.

The question of whether Murdock is ‘‘‘really crazy or just faking’‘’ has been around for over 30 years, but I’m gonna argue that he’s both.

When Kelly visits Murdock in the psychiatric hospital and confronts him about why he’s living there in the first place he gets instantly uncomfortable.

He really didn’t want her to ask, it’s why he’s been avoiding her. Joking about how you’re hashtag crazy™ is easy; having to admit that you’ve been institutionalized for over 10 years because you have legitimate problems is much harder. (Sure, the VA also gives him a convenient cover from the military police, but if that was the only reason for him to stay he wouldn’t react to Kelly’s question in this way). “It’s a long story”, is all he says. There are clearly some painful memories here that he’d rather not delve into.

He’d have to explain how he got committed in the first place. We know that after the gang was arrested for war crimes in ‘71, Murdock was still serving as a pilot in ‘72. They never clarified when and how Murdock was sent home, but i’m guessing without his only friends around and it being, you know...war, his mental health eventually deteriorated until he received a medical discharge straight into the VA hospital.

After Murdock gets wrongly released in season 1, instead of his friends being worried about his supposed cover getting blown they just shrug it off and go ‘Oh well!’ (This could all be due to the show’s inconsistent writing, but you know)

No longer being an inpatient would finally allow Murdock to be employed as a pilot again (his #1 passion), and yet he seems really disheartened about the situation. Even though the hospital gives him no privacy, the staff barely respects him and he spends most of his time there by himself, he still prefers to stay.

For a character who’s allegedly cheery comic relief, he sure gets his feelings hurt alot, mainly when dealing with other people’s ableism towards him. B.A. and Face are obviously just palling around, just guys bein’ dudes, they don’t want to hurt Murdock for real, they probably don’t realize how sensitive Murdock is about the subject. Usually he plays along or shrugs it off, but sometimes he gets genuinely upset. In the first half of In Plane Sight he’s so fed up with it he tries to ‘‘act normal’‘ until #Woke #Queen Hannibal reassures him that they love him the way he is.

PTSD was barely starting to become a diagnosis when the show first aired, but I think it’s fair to say he suffers from it. The pilot episode states that he has anxiety, paranoia and memory loss, so that checks out.

With PTSD you don’t just have to deal with flashbacks and nightmares, but also intrusive thoughts, images and memories about your trauma. Murdock copes with it by getting hyperfixated on a new activity or pretending he’s someone else. This is were alot of people will go ‘‘haha wow look how wacky and insane he is! He’s talking to his sock 😂’‘. But Murdock knows it’s all made up nonsense, he just needs his mind to focus on something else. What’s important here is that he never lets his coping mechanisms distract him when he’s flying, first of all he’s already focused and also he doesn’t wanna crash (lol). There’s a believability to his actions that’s missing in the 2010 reboot.

In the episode where the gang helps out the vietnamese cook from the POW camp where they’ve been tortured, Murdock tries to distract himself with some golfballs. He soon starts projecting his trauma on them however.

I think this is the only time in the show where Hannibal tears up, so this scene is kinda significant. As the leader, he probably blames himself for getting his team captured and tortured, and seeing that Murdock is still so strongly affected by it gotta hurt. 

Compared to the rest of the gang, Murdock’s alot more fucked up over the war. There are subtle changes in his voice whenever he talks about it. In the ep about their old war buddy Ray, Face was reminiscing about how cool of a guy Ray was for borrowing him his helmet, Murdock’s memories meanwhile are much less upbeat. ‘My bird was the only one left in the sky’ he remembers while we see an image of a field filled with shot down helicopters. His experiences are bound to be different from the other three as a huey medevac pilot. Murdock did have one off-screen breakdown in the present timeline, after collecting every newspaper article about the upcoming execution of the team in Firing Line. Apparently it was bad enough that he had to be restrained. It’s been 10 years, so he’s recovering and getting better, but he’s still not all there yet.

Everyone knows Murdock’s just messing around when he’s being interrogated by the military about his connections to the team, but like what about when the military isn’t there; or NO ONE is. He often talks to himself or just puts weird shit in his mouth for no reason while nobody’s paying attention to him (eating leaves, paint, an entire raw egg, a frozen sandwich). Sometimes he’s just unhinged like that.

Another thing that’s brought up a few times in the show is his anxiety. Murdock’s often seen being generally tense, sweaty, uncomfortable or reflective in the background of a scene. (I have no idea if this was a deliberate acting choice but Dwight does have anxiety irl so who knows if that had anything to do with it, I mean who knowsssssss, i’m just observing)

He’s got a habit of fidgeting with his hands or touching his neck when he’s stressed out. Murdock also does it when he’s telling his psychiatrist Dr. Richter about his dreams “If you were me, wouldn’t you be terrified to put your head down?” he asks him.

Richter isn’t really paying attention though, because he’s so used to Murdock’s non-stop clownery, he can’t exactly tell when his patient decides to be honest about his feelings for once. He just replies ‘Well only if it was a bad dream’. Which really irritates Murdock because what other dreams besides bad would he have? So he derails the session by rambling some made up bullshit on purpose.

Richter knows that Murdock uses humor and fantasy to cope, but he’s obviously tired of Murdock’s cringe antics, he just wants to help him. But Murdock doesn’t like to open up and be confronted with his traumas again, he just wants to avoid talking about it all together. There are still parts of reality that Murdock’s not ready to deal with, or he wouldn’t always retreat into his fantasies.

Before he can continue messing around a helicopter passes by and Murdock freezes for a second. Richter assures him that the helicopter is real; Murdock nods and starts fidgeting with his hands again, seemingly in deep thought. We know from the season 4 finale that he hears the sound of rotor blades when he dissociates. He was definitely being sincere here.

After getting drugged by some military goons he has a few brief flashbacks (feat. cheesy 80′s neon filters): seeing the chopper fly away, getting stuck in a potted plant as if he was walking through the jungle, being surrounded by heavy smoke and sparks from the burning carpet).

Despite being the 2nd highest ranked team member, Murdock dislikes being in charge and gets severly distressed when anything goes wrong that he might even be slightly responsible for. Most notably is the episode where the owners of the diner get kidnapped after Murdock got knocked out by evil cowboys or hill billies or whatever they were. Instead of telling anyone what happened, he’s just lying on the floor, repeatedly calling himself a failure until the others show up.

Seems like Murdock gets startled more easily than the rest of the crew as well. We often see him flinch when guns go off; one time he literally wore fluffy ear muffs to a backalley shootout.

This short moment from Family Reunion always stood out to me. Face opens the van door a little too quickly and it takes Murdock so off-guard he has to take deep breaths to calm down.

Murdock sounds exhausted when he has to remind Face not to sneak up on him. Face also realizes he messed up, he just wanted to check up on Murdock and not trigger him on accident.

When it comes to portrayals of mental illness in fiction there’s obviously better representation out there than Murdock. But sometimes you just wanna see a mentally ill character have a good time instead of being miserable 24/7. And Murdock’s already got the worst behind him, he’s had therapy for years and friends who love him. I just think that’s refreshing to see, especially with a character who’s so kind and openly affectionate.