#and well 🤷‍♂️ jegulus timeloop

[calamitoustide]

james gets the opportunity to talk to his older, 21 year old, self and at fifteen he's so excited trying to get information out of him (who will win in Quidditch, if he ever gets to be with Lily, or if he gets to go pro in Quidditch) and his future self doesn't tell him anything of substance of course, he's not even sure if he can but the one thing his older self tells him is "stay away from regulus"

james is confused why of all the things he could tell him he tells him to stay away from sirius' little brother but he agrees to stay away... but then he keeps running into regulus everywhere. he tries to get in contact with his older self and they talk every once and a while his older self tells him to spend more time with his parents, and his friends, to which james does but regulus always remains a distant figure as time goes on and james starts talking to regulus more he can't help but want to talk to him he wants to be around him

one night they're alone in the astronomy tower and regulus looks so fucking pretty and he can't help it he's followed every other piece of advice his older self gave him but he can't do this regulus is so pretty and his eyes are shining in the moonlight and he kisses him for the first time and it feels like a whirlwind... it feels right

he talks to his older self again tail between his legs in shame as he confesses what he did and he begs his older self to tell him why he can't be with him why out of all the things is this what he told him to prevent and his older self tells him about the loss he feels, and the grief of losing regulus after barely having him.

james decides he doesn't care he decides he'd rather take the love he decides he can change fate he can change their destiny... but he can't and the loss of regulus hits him until he can't breathe... he doesn't breathe for years and it hits him again, a second time, and he swears his heart is torn out of his chest

he couldn't take being without regulus, but can't take losing him either