#and we'll all feel better soon
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Hang in there, babes 💕 Somebody out there loves you so very much, and wants to see you to thrive.
#nyxposting#I am hugging you so very hard rn if you need it! I have a lot of hugs to spare <3#All things considered I'm hanging in there!#I hate how I'm afraid to say I'm doing better because I don't want to jinx myself :(#But at the moment I am feeling pretty okay compared to how I'd assumed I would feel!#Dry needling man...that shit is fresh as hell haha.#Also extensive psychological reprogramming which sounds horrifying but is mostly doing deep breathing exercises and positive self talk 😂#Really thinking about shifting to more comforting femdommy ASMR stuff when I do come back to this...#But we'll see. I'm still in the planning and recovery phase!#Love you all and see you again soon <333
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i truly have no tolerance for this fandom shittin on random fans personal trans headcanons. someone saw themselves and their experience in this character, isnt that beautiful? why dont you mind your business and focus on your own fan stuff? wouldnt that make you happier? someones headcanon doesnt negate yours. what the fuck is wrong with yall. its playing make believe x2. its just a headcanon. real life trans folks are in active danger right now and some of yall are wasting all your energy abusing others over which pronoun set figments of someone elses imagination 'should' be using
#our t#this is *any* trans hc it doesnt matter the flavour of the trans headcanon. i dont have time for that shit i have real problems#if i see one more fight over jegbert or dave on this site i s2g#if june happens on screen like if we SEE june happen on screen then that will be canon. even for a single panel she will be canon#but genderbend aus have existed since the dawn of fuckin time and an au isnt gonna suddenly blast june's canon transness outta existence#like what are yall TALKING about.#and im saying 'if' w/ a heavy fuckin sigh bc while the hsbc team has stated that they have plans no one knows#when or where or how thats gonna happen. i want it to happen & i have my own hopes for how it will but we'll just have to see#but this aint abt rep yall just want justification to punch e/o in the face & call it 'fighting against ur intercommunity oppressors'#or whatever cause none of yall are brave enough to get organized#and actually try to make changes in ur communities.....headcanons will never be actual representation#as for dave. yall know that transmascs and cis boys also struggle with masculinity right? esp hegemonic pressures and ideals?#thats kinda what LE is about? thats why so many trans guys see themselves in the striders. thats why i think theyre supposed to be cis#but thats ALSO why so many transfemme folks see themselves in dave. and that should be rlly beautiful!!! we're not so different!!!#its almost like that power structure harms everyone in different ways bc of how we treat e/o inside of the structure!!!!!#i cant TELL you how many of my cis guy friends have cptsd from just not being allowed to express sadness or joy in an acceptable way#and davepeta being nonbinary only adds to this!!! davepetas existence in contrast to dave DIRECTLY MIRRORS roxy in meat/candy#but yall are never gonna be fuckin ready for that so what the fuck ever i guess#i just feel constantly forced outside of this fandom or scorned as a Bad Tranny bc im very literally in the middle of this shit#and i dont believe one style of presentation is inherently better or morally righteous than the other. like what are yall expecting#are yall expecting to be let into tranny heaven bc u wear a skirt and say 'haha yeah all instances of mascness is grossss' be for real#just rlly highlights the fact that no one in this fandom wants to care abt intersex trans ppl or hear them talk or try to#contribute to gender analysis. its not girlboss enough i guess. sorry for not drinking the radfem rhetoric thats embedded itself#into this site i suppose. hope the fandom gets better but idk i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon#stop treating femininity as smth inherently Morally Good its all 'divine feminine moon phase' bullshit slightly repackaged#to include transfemme folks. which none of yall should want. its a direct pushback to actual feminism but ok all mascs evil bc LE i guess#im not missing the fact that this fandom cracks down hard on queer mascness & tries to 1:1 equate that hegemonic cismasculinity either#yall aint slick at all. sorry im just. fucking tired. feeling like i dont exist & my words dont matter
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What If S2 spoilers ahead!
The second episode hit me in the chest with all the feels. A few random thoughts:
-MIDDLE AGED PEGGY???? YESSSSSSSS. MY GAL. I love all forms of Peggy, including BAMF, non-super Peggy. Peggy doesn't need powers to kick ass. <3
-Kurt Russell does a great job with Ego. I love it when the actor's work plays into why I hate a particular character. Ego is the WORST and Kurt Russell as Ego is super hate-able. A++, love me a villain that I can dislike without any need or want for redemption.
-LITTLE PETER AND HOPE! OMG! Bonding over music! Bonding over shared life experiences! Hope understanding Peter because Hope is also a kid who has dealt with terrible shit thanks to powerful parents! I love them as BFFs. Yes, please.
-BUCKY! Peggy and Howard's reactions to Bucky! Bucky's reaction to Howard pulling the Steve card! DLASKJFLAF
-Peggy/Wendy now exists in my mind as a ship, thanks!
-Wendy <3 Bill Foster <3 T'Chaka <3 80's Avengers <3
-GOOSE!
#what if#what if s2#what if s2 spoilers#i think i liked the first ep better because it was nebula-centric#but the 80s avenger vibes + lil peter and hope got me#the winter soldier being soft for steve shouldn't surprise anyone#peggy#my beloved#ego as a villain to bring the first gen of avengers together is meh#overall the story in this ep was less interesting but still a solid concept#have a feeling we'll see this specific bucky again later in the season#s2e2#what if peter quill attacked earth's mightiest heroes#i relate to peter and hope way too much because of the music#just#i want to read all the fic where they grow up as bffs and introduce each other to new music#i don't ship them but i NEED them to have the ultimate bff-mance#going to concerts together#camping overnight to snag their favorite band's new albums as soon as the record store opens#I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED#FOR ALL THE MUSIC-RELATED BFF THINGS
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OKAY REMAKE IS HAPPENING SOON MAYBE NEXT WEEKISH💯💯
#tbh just realized something that makes me think it's 100% the right move#ive noticed i won't post writing anymore or things that seem like theyll get interaction bc share accounts probably will see it and interac#and all love to them i support from a distance yk but interacting w sharers just makes me feel so so uncomfy#so i like. have unconciously been barring myself from doing What I Made This Blog To Do bc of it sjhfbndshf#ik that sounds so pathetic like why am i SCARED TO POST ABOUT JPEGKISSING but 😭#ik i could just block too but i feel bad doing it now and theres so many other reasons to remake i thinks it better to just start fresh#AUGH. sorry im sucha. non-confrontational anxious loser idiot but uhmm. YEAH NEW AND IMPROVED DREAMWINGED SOON#maybe not dreamwinged we'll see.#AWUEHRAFKJFAS#.mei chats
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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youtube
#diana's music diary#🌕#Very very tired today... I managed to sleep maybe 4 hours last night and then I had a 2 hour nap today...#You'd think only getting one hour yesterday would mean I could get a little more than that but.....#My brain really hasn't been working the last couple of days...#I hope that gets better but I'm getting the feeling something is seriously wrong with me... Trying not to panic about it though..#Still waiting to get my blood tested but they're making me do it next month even though I feel like I'm dying now nn;#Hopefully tomorrow I can at least get something to help me sleep more...#Not got any plans for today other than to try and rest... And to try not to freak out too much about all the health issues...#Anyway..... This song has been my latest obsession hehe.. Had it on repeat since it came out#I rewatched Madoka Magica with some friends the other day too... It was their first time seeing it which was fun hehe..#Might have a nap soon if I can... I doubt it but we'll see nn;#Let's try and survive today...
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You can barely tell because I'm still, you know, posting, but the amount of time I spend here has decreased massively. Most of it was just scrolling out of restlessness and not actually wanting to post something lmao.
#Tomorrow my break ends so I want to quit it entirely save for designated log-in times so I don't lose touch with the mutuals <3#I'm thinking every three days or so. We'll see.#Ok I'm going to cram as many little updates as I can in the tags so I don't get tempted to log in again after this.#I learned to prepare a new lunch (toast with cream cheese and guacamole) and it's good even with the pepper mill missing#(so only seasoned with salt and lemon). It must be even better with pepper.#I copied it from something I ordered at a cafe a few days ago--kind of proud of it.#I'm also kind of proud of the fact that even though I've never prepared vegetables before (bell pepper and onion)#I could do it just from remembering the years of watching my mum cook. Without even the intent of learning.#I just absorbed by osmosis which parts she cut off and could replicate it pretty well.#Overall even though the current situation re:life would look pretty grim from the outside for a couple of reasons#I feels miles better just from the fact that I'm not playing cards and opening Tumblr and Discord like the fridge all the time.#I'm on track to finish Midnight's Children soon and loving it. Idk what I'll read next but I'm excited for whatever it is.#And I'm almost done learning my lines. In the nick of time before our first rehearsal.#I'm also rekindling my love for classical music. And my love affair with ancient Rome is alive and well.#I also started playing chess again. I want to write... And I might pick up violin again this time just for me.#Still drawing a blank as to what I want to *do* for the next years but maybe I'll get there. I'm thinking of getting a job.#l33chsp34k
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i have to be the football dad of this household because my dad is busy doing other dad activities
#aka spending all his time in a garage with motorcycles#switzerland better win this match or i will sue somebody#at this point i feel like spain will probs win the entire thing?#we'll see soon
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"I can't leave, Maria."
"... I understand."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x02#maria olivares#isabel arraiza#big turning point for her character because up until now it's been leaving#and as isa puts it she's only fallen even deeper in love with rhett so now he's a part of her dream and she can't leave him...#i was more than a little heartbroken for her but also proud of her for being understanding and willing to compromise#thad reston count your days because i better not see you breathing >:( /j#idk if we'll be seeing much smiling from her anytime soon :(#honestly if maria walked towards me the way she walked towards rhett in that scene i would think she's coming in for a kiss#and i would NOT object#why would i reject a kiss from a beautiful woman?#i wonder if rhett told her about his and perry's fight because if that's the case she has a bit more reason to be worried about rhett being#i think she might've smiled at the white cat in levon's arms when she said “'so sweet of you to do that for us'' so i think she likes cats#i mean... she was supposed to be a vet before she dropped out i think?#honestly the best she's looked all season(besides the bed scene in 02x03)#i think her not actually saying perry's name is because he seemed to want to create distance between him and his family...#i feel like you can see the moment she decides to put rhett's feelings above her own#she knows that he's broken up about amy and maybe feeling guilty about it and wants to be there for him#probably because he is the type of person to put other people's needs above his own? and she wants to do the same for him?#god her eyes watering just breaks me...
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happy halloween everyone !!! 👻✨
i originally planned to do a themed request game tonight to celebrate my fav holiday but the Horrors have yet to leave my body so i will have to cancel :(
#or postpone but idk if theres any fun for ppl for a halloween event on the [random date in november]#so we'll see abt it!! i hope ill feel better soon <3333 i miss u all!! i miss reading fics :(((#ilysm i hope u have the best of hallowed evenings!!! do u have anything fun planned? 🥰✨#nohr.txt
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I was so very good and finished my taxes and paid some things so I could reassure myself that I can put in my 2 weeks notice even tho I don't have a job lined up yet (I'm Working on it...)
I dont imagine it'll take me long to find Some kind of job, though it likely won't pay as much as I'm used to. But. So long as I have Something, I'll get by.
What matters most right now is getting out of this stupid fucking job bc it has been Killing Me.
#speculation nation#i dont say that lightly btw this job has been. ugh.#ill miss the mundane administrative duties. as strange as that is to say.#i like feeling productive and valued.#but it's been coming at the cost of my health and happiness#the stress would kill me by 30. and thats assuming my goddamned ankles didnt give out first.#continuing my work on the Unfuck My Life resolution. maybe after i get a new job i can try to get on adhd meds#and also Maybe do smth about my probable fibro. i would love to not be so fatigued all the time thank u#and then . going back to school. i logged into my school email for the first time in too long#i need to actually email my advisor soon. tell her whats been up. maybe that can be a goal for next week.#i also wanna get a haircut. short hair. chop it all off. new hair new job new me.#it's. it's a lot. it's really scary actually. but im working on it. im trying to get to a better place.#ive been suffocating for too long. i want so desperately for life to not feel like treading water at the threat of death.#so. we'll see. whatever happens im going to pull through.
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aight im looking at my wip list rn (like actual work i have started so far)
#time to try to remember what each of these are lol#but welp im not gonna bother myself with these today we'll see tomorrow. try to get something done or whatever#i feel like im writing a lot and idk maybe im being a bit pushy at myself about it? but also i have six wips right now which. never happens#and i mean in a way where i intend to finish at least some of them so like#plus im enjoying it. while im pushing it it also doesnt feel forced in a way like i genuinely enjoy making this stuff#i just like to poll it a lot cause im indecisive most of the time and it gives me a better pov on what people might be interested in seeing#ofc im still first and foremost writing for myself but i mean it helps if people wanna actually read stuff lol#..also yes i will be getting to the requests again soon. just seeing few new characters i should tackle is kinda intimidating oof#tho i have ideas so. eventually. wont open new requests before those are done thats for sure#sorry about the wait im just like that lol#anyways heres a poll first for this weekend. maybe we'll do request work next weekend since im all free then hmmmm#night is an absolute mess on main
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i am once again popping on to remind y’all that i care you very much and miss y’all!!! and i will be around again!! at some point!!! life is just stressful and taxing at the moment, so it’s hard to find motivation, particularly when i want to move blogs for a fresh start ;n; but i do plan on coming back!! even if i do it slowly as per usual asdfg
as always, thanks for being patient with me and i’m wishing y’all a very happy weekend!!
#i'm hoping since my job will be making me part time again soon-ish that i'll be a lil more at ease#tho i can't say i was 100% on board with that decision when i really didn't have a say in the matter :// but that's a rant for another time#the point is that hopefully i can manage my time and feelings better soon bc i'm just! not doing too well at that lately#and it makes this hobby that i love to pieces very hard for me bc all the energy i'd use on creative writing and plotting#gets used up on stressing and whatnot#and when i say thanks for being patient i really mean it from the bottom of my heart bc i really am taking forever to get it together#anyway! i'm just taking a lil break from my korean hw so i might work on my new blog? maybe?? we'll see#maybe i'll mess around and post some silly one-liners too or some character creators#i don't know if i really wanna try to write but maybe it won't hurt just to dip my toe in uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc
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have a siennart gifset planned out for valentine’s day if time allows me to create it hehe
#sid speaks#feel free to guess what scene in the comments#i might come up with a better idea soon or do a quick video edit instead. but we'll see#i'd also love to do a twicord edit for vday but i'd have to download all of discord's eps first whoops
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Not even trying to sound shitty, just saying - maybe ZZZ's 1.2 updates and new QoL will make me stop hating the game. I have to go to bed but I logged on to use some battery and saw I could set up teams and could switch in between Belle and Wise. Like, already, A+. Still don't think this gacha is worth even the monthly welkin, but I would love to not hate the fucking gameplay outside of actual combat so I can be excited to play story quests. All I've been doing for like a month is just leveling my units up because I'm avoiding the tvs lol
#i really hope that more of the tvs are gone. kill them with fire. let me run around as Eous!!!!#my zzz#my posts#yeah im still fucking around with this game#yes. im still pissed that the right-before-release devs video omitted ALL mentions of the tv mode. fucking false advertisement.#yes. i still hate that i cant just freely run around as Rina or Jane. i think that we'll soon be able to tho????#yes. i still hate how limited the hollows are. i personally want more of an open world. i think what i want is for it to be more like#GoW 2018 and GoWR where there were these fixed locations. its not open-open world at all. but they still felt explorative and fun#zzz hollow locations are becoming very boring and i wish my units could jump and climb over set pieces and have more dynamic combat in#larger spaces. i do think the shops are become more open tho so the town areas should start to feel better. let me buy plants from that#Orchid Flower Shop lady!!!! i wany to add things to my bedroom!!!
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#I can't sleep 🙃#I'm very nervous about tomorrow annnd I forgot to take my medication that makes it so I can sleep 🤦#I just took it now because I think I won't sleep at all otherwise#I have to get up in 4 hours and it's going to be such a stressful day 😭#plus I'm getting really anxious about the whole situation with the move and dealing with our old and new landlords and everything 😭#everything feels very uncertain and chaotic and I'm not dealing with it well 😢#but. we'll get our cats next weekend. I'm trying not to think that something will go wrong to prevent that from happening...#but if it does happen that's going to be really good. hopefully. unless it's bad and they suddenly hate us. oh my god I hope the meds will#start working soon this is torture lol#anyway this was probably a horrible decision and we'll regret all of it and it'll be so bad#😭😭😭#(I'm once again wishing I had a nice supportive mother who would make me feel better about something like this instead of worse. I was#honestly kind of okay with it all until she kept bringing up negative things and now I feel like this is the worst decision anyone has#ever made and it'll be a disaster and 😭😭😭)#personal
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