#and we'll all feel better soon
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Hang in there, babes 💕 Somebody out there loves you so very much, and wants to see you to thrive.
#nyxposting#I am hugging you so very hard rn if you need it! I have a lot of hugs to spare <3#All things considered I'm hanging in there!#I hate how I'm afraid to say I'm doing better because I don't want to jinx myself :(#But at the moment I am feeling pretty okay compared to how I'd assumed I would feel!#Dry needling man...that shit is fresh as hell haha.#Also extensive psychological reprogramming which sounds horrifying but is mostly doing deep breathing exercises and positive self talk 😂#Really thinking about shifting to more comforting femdommy ASMR stuff when I do come back to this...#But we'll see. I'm still in the planning and recovery phase!#Love you all and see you again soon <333
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don't feel like uploading it separately here so here's just the yt link lol
made a proper talkloid again after a million years for rin/len/iku's bday (even if a bit late but fuck it)
#my video lol#talkloid#vocaloid#utau#kagamine rin and len#kagamine rin#kagamine len#acme iku#oliver vocaloid#ugh dont feel like tagging anything else. does this need any warnings???#and now for soemthing more lighthearted lol. tonal dissonance strikes back my fave. the iku gore post before this and now silly 💀 lol#anyways i love talkloiding fr... its like playing with dolls but even better lolll i missed doing this. i need to do more of this#its annoying as fuck and so time consuming but its always fun to watch the final product#i will say tuning len to make him sound like he's having a mental breakdown lowkey was really fun LMAOOOO#i figured out how to do that by accident and i wanna keep testing shit like that out. making vsynths sound sarcastic is also rly fun#maybe i really just need to keep on with that. cause as much as i do want to make nice covers or whatever maybe its not for me#though figuring out shit for song tuning has in turn helped me figure out things for speech & viceversa. so hmmm#i need to keep practicing so i can get better... bc technically this is all with purpose theres a deeper reason why im talkloiding#and every one i make is a step closer to the final mission. but we'll see if we get there soon some day... it will take time but one day...#also i need to get better at using aviutl lol figurign out some of thsi shit last min was NOT IT but we're getting there...
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OKAY REMAKE IS HAPPENING SOON MAYBE NEXT WEEKISH💯💯
#tbh just realized something that makes me think it's 100% the right move#ive noticed i won't post writing anymore or things that seem like theyll get interaction bc share accounts probably will see it and interac#and all love to them i support from a distance yk but interacting w sharers just makes me feel so so uncomfy#so i like. have unconciously been barring myself from doing What I Made This Blog To Do bc of it sjhfbndshf#ik that sounds so pathetic like why am i SCARED TO POST ABOUT JPEGKISSING but 😭#ik i could just block too but i feel bad doing it now and theres so many other reasons to remake i thinks it better to just start fresh#AUGH. sorry im sucha. non-confrontational anxious loser idiot but uhmm. YEAH NEW AND IMPROVED DREAMWINGED SOON#maybe not dreamwinged we'll see.#AWUEHRAFKJFAS#.mei chats
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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Hey @mod, doing ok?
It's been one heck of a year, anon. One heck of a year. New shark dropped tho, very excited about that
#not disabled queer culture is#got a cane its purple and sparkly and i love it#entered into a lovely indefinably queer relationship with a fellow AAA battery :3#ITS ALL VENTING AFTER THIS TAG SORRY#moved to a new position at my job that is simultaneously so much better and so much worse for my health#pros: less standing more sitting; early day hours so im not feeling like my day is over the second i get home due to time blindness;#i get to go home pretty much as soon as im done with my work; its mentally engaging; i can have headphones in#cons: 4 am is when my workday starts; i come home and sleep the rest of the day; i'm working more hours than i realistically can#because the alternative is make my coworker work herself into the hospital and make myself have to work 60-70 hour weeks (aka: summer 2024)#because none of the people with any actual power to change that situation will listen to my proven to be extremely correct concerns#because they think im a stupid little kid#uhhhhh non work related. well kinda work related. the fatigue from work caused this#dropped out of college after flunking an entire semester's worth of classes#got put in the endless loop of 'we'll do a blood test' 'looks normal see you next time and we'll do another blood test'#tried to get in to see a doctor at mayo clinic#got rejected and basically told my case was too hopeless to put strained resources on#currently ive more or less given up on healthcare matters for now#so uhh yeah. we ball
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#diana's music diary#🌕#Very very tired today... I managed to sleep maybe 4 hours last night and then I had a 2 hour nap today...#You'd think only getting one hour yesterday would mean I could get a little more than that but.....#My brain really hasn't been working the last couple of days...#I hope that gets better but I'm getting the feeling something is seriously wrong with me... Trying not to panic about it though..#Still waiting to get my blood tested but they're making me do it next month even though I feel like I'm dying now nn;#Hopefully tomorrow I can at least get something to help me sleep more...#Not got any plans for today other than to try and rest... And to try not to freak out too much about all the health issues...#Anyway..... This song has been my latest obsession hehe.. Had it on repeat since it came out#I rewatched Madoka Magica with some friends the other day too... It was their first time seeing it which was fun hehe..#Might have a nap soon if I can... I doubt it but we'll see nn;#Let's try and survive today...
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me: hm i've been noticing gluten affects me worse than i thought
me: *eats gluten bc i haven't fully switched to primarily gf food yet*
me: *feels worse than usual*
me: woah o.0 i did not see that coming,,,,,,,,,,,,,
#i got some more gf foods tho#and safe foods w less gluten than my other safe foods#did u know there is canned chicken noodle soup except instead of chicken there is RICE :O#i don't like many soups so i didn't notice at first#but i might have a new safe food here soon#i got a few to try#and#i got veggie straws as my designated gf easy reach snack#it might be better than my designated gluten snack👀#ALSO AND#i got THREE count 'em THREE types of gf chicken nuggets in the freezer rn#one is the old one i'm almost out of#and the store didn't have those so i got two of my other fave gf chicken nuggets and one has hidden veggies in it#they're all my baby grills#ALSO ALSO#I GOT#KING ARTHURS GLUTEN FREE FLOUR AND LACTOSE FREE CHOCO CHIPS#i make cookies like. twice a week so i will try making gf ones#i know i don't mind the texture of gf cookies and cakes so it should still be safe#and i got gf dry pasta but i remember those are kinda funky so we'll see#i coulda gotten rice noodles but idk i didnt wanna this time. i'll save that for asian store trips#im very very excited for the rice soup bc if i like it then a lot of gf safe foods are gonna get replaced i feel it in my bones#you can't compete with chicken rice and clear broth#it's tasty AND won't piss off my stomach in any way#no gluten no lactose just vibes god bless peace and love on planet earth#and it's fast and easy#there's some protein carbs and veggies#AND high sodium for my pots#pizza rolls could never✋✋✋✋✋✋#handmadeorganicpost
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You can barely tell because I'm still, you know, posting, but the amount of time I spend here has decreased massively. Most of it was just scrolling out of restlessness and not actually wanting to post something lmao.
#Tomorrow my break ends so I want to quit it entirely save for designated log-in times so I don't lose touch with the mutuals <3#I'm thinking every three days or so. We'll see.#Ok I'm going to cram as many little updates as I can in the tags so I don't get tempted to log in again after this.#I learned to prepare a new lunch (toast with cream cheese and guacamole) and it's good even with the pepper mill missing#(so only seasoned with salt and lemon). It must be even better with pepper.#I copied it from something I ordered at a cafe a few days ago--kind of proud of it.#I'm also kind of proud of the fact that even though I've never prepared vegetables before (bell pepper and onion)#I could do it just from remembering the years of watching my mum cook. Without even the intent of learning.#I just absorbed by osmosis which parts she cut off and could replicate it pretty well.#Overall even though the current situation re:life would look pretty grim from the outside for a couple of reasons#I feels miles better just from the fact that I'm not playing cards and opening Tumblr and Discord like the fridge all the time.#I'm on track to finish Midnight's Children soon and loving it. Idk what I'll read next but I'm excited for whatever it is.#And I'm almost done learning my lines. In the nick of time before our first rehearsal.#I'm also rekindling my love for classical music. And my love affair with ancient Rome is alive and well.#I also started playing chess again. I want to write... And I might pick up violin again this time just for me.#Still drawing a blank as to what I want to *do* for the next years but maybe I'll get there. I'm thinking of getting a job.#l33chsp34k
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i have to be the football dad of this household because my dad is busy doing other dad activities
#aka spending all his time in a garage with motorcycles#switzerland better win this match or i will sue somebody#at this point i feel like spain will probs win the entire thing?#we'll see soon
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"I can't leave, Maria."
"... I understand."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x02#maria olivares#isabel arraiza#big turning point for her character because up until now it's been leaving#and as isa puts it she's only fallen even deeper in love with rhett so now he's a part of her dream and she can't leave him...#i was more than a little heartbroken for her but also proud of her for being understanding and willing to compromise#thad reston count your days because i better not see you breathing >:( /j#idk if we'll be seeing much smiling from her anytime soon :(#honestly if maria walked towards me the way she walked towards rhett in that scene i would think she's coming in for a kiss#and i would NOT object#why would i reject a kiss from a beautiful woman?#i wonder if rhett told her about his and perry's fight because if that's the case she has a bit more reason to be worried about rhett being#i think she might've smiled at the white cat in levon's arms when she said “'so sweet of you to do that for us'' so i think she likes cats#i mean... she was supposed to be a vet before she dropped out i think?#honestly the best she's looked all season(besides the bed scene in 02x03)#i think her not actually saying perry's name is because he seemed to want to create distance between him and his family...#i feel like you can see the moment she decides to put rhett's feelings above her own#she knows that he's broken up about amy and maybe feeling guilty about it and wants to be there for him#probably because he is the type of person to put other people's needs above his own? and she wants to do the same for him?#god her eyes watering just breaks me...
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happy halloween everyone !!! 👻✨
i originally planned to do a themed request game tonight to celebrate my fav holiday but the Horrors have yet to leave my body so i will have to cancel :(
#or postpone but idk if theres any fun for ppl for a halloween event on the [random date in november]#so we'll see abt it!! i hope ill feel better soon <3333 i miss u all!! i miss reading fics :(((#ilysm i hope u have the best of hallowed evenings!!! do u have anything fun planned? 🥰✨#nohr.txt
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I was so very good and finished my taxes and paid some things so I could reassure myself that I can put in my 2 weeks notice even tho I don't have a job lined up yet (I'm Working on it...)
I dont imagine it'll take me long to find Some kind of job, though it likely won't pay as much as I'm used to. But. So long as I have Something, I'll get by.
What matters most right now is getting out of this stupid fucking job bc it has been Killing Me.
#speculation nation#i dont say that lightly btw this job has been. ugh.#ill miss the mundane administrative duties. as strange as that is to say.#i like feeling productive and valued.#but it's been coming at the cost of my health and happiness#the stress would kill me by 30. and thats assuming my goddamned ankles didnt give out first.#continuing my work on the Unfuck My Life resolution. maybe after i get a new job i can try to get on adhd meds#and also Maybe do smth about my probable fibro. i would love to not be so fatigued all the time thank u#and then . going back to school. i logged into my school email for the first time in too long#i need to actually email my advisor soon. tell her whats been up. maybe that can be a goal for next week.#i also wanna get a haircut. short hair. chop it all off. new hair new job new me.#it's. it's a lot. it's really scary actually. but im working on it. im trying to get to a better place.#ive been suffocating for too long. i want so desperately for life to not feel like treading water at the threat of death.#so. we'll see. whatever happens im going to pull through.
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aight im looking at my wip list rn (like actual work i have started so far)
#time to try to remember what each of these are lol#but welp im not gonna bother myself with these today we'll see tomorrow. try to get something done or whatever#i feel like im writing a lot and idk maybe im being a bit pushy at myself about it? but also i have six wips right now which. never happens#and i mean in a way where i intend to finish at least some of them so like#plus im enjoying it. while im pushing it it also doesnt feel forced in a way like i genuinely enjoy making this stuff#i just like to poll it a lot cause im indecisive most of the time and it gives me a better pov on what people might be interested in seeing#ofc im still first and foremost writing for myself but i mean it helps if people wanna actually read stuff lol#..also yes i will be getting to the requests again soon. just seeing few new characters i should tackle is kinda intimidating oof#tho i have ideas so. eventually. wont open new requests before those are done thats for sure#sorry about the wait im just like that lol#anyways heres a poll first for this weekend. maybe we'll do request work next weekend since im all free then hmmmm#night is an absolute mess on main
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i am once again popping on to remind y’all that i care you very much and miss y’all!!! and i will be around again!! at some point!!! life is just stressful and taxing at the moment, so it’s hard to find motivation, particularly when i want to move blogs for a fresh start ;n; but i do plan on coming back!! even if i do it slowly as per usual asdfg
as always, thanks for being patient with me and i’m wishing y’all a very happy weekend!!
#i'm hoping since my job will be making me part time again soon-ish that i'll be a lil more at ease#tho i can't say i was 100% on board with that decision when i really didn't have a say in the matter :// but that's a rant for another time#the point is that hopefully i can manage my time and feelings better soon bc i'm just! not doing too well at that lately#and it makes this hobby that i love to pieces very hard for me bc all the energy i'd use on creative writing and plotting#gets used up on stressing and whatnot#and when i say thanks for being patient i really mean it from the bottom of my heart bc i really am taking forever to get it together#anyway! i'm just taking a lil break from my korean hw so i might work on my new blog? maybe?? we'll see#maybe i'll mess around and post some silly one-liners too or some character creators#i don't know if i really wanna try to write but maybe it won't hurt just to dip my toe in uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc
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have a siennart gifset planned out for valentine’s day if time allows me to create it hehe
#sid speaks#feel free to guess what scene in the comments#i might come up with a better idea soon or do a quick video edit instead. but we'll see#i'd also love to do a twicord edit for vday but i'd have to download all of discord's eps first whoops
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hmm. since i never end up using metamagic, im thinking it's strictly better to do 8 levels of storm sorcerer and 4 levels of tempest cleric?
#i feel like wrath of the storm (cleric L1) is better than storm's fury (sorcerer L11)?????#like ok you dont get the knockback but it's also not exclusively melee and can be thunder or lightning (not just thunder)#it *is* slightly lower damage (on average) and the damage is halved on a save (vs no decrease in damage). hm.#ok and by sorcerer 8 + cleric 4 i actually mean cleric 4 + sorcerer 8. gotta get charisma as my spellcasting ability#shame to lose CON saving throw proficiency but in re-speccing i took all my points out of DEX because ive got the DEX gloves#so more points to put elsewhere#idk we'll see how it plays! im at level 9 and just about to fight ketheric (at moonrise not the final boss). i'll see if it works#the only issue is that i now have 9 reactions so im gonna have to think about declining them sometimes lmao#i should only use psionic backlash if it's gonna activate cull the weak and ill always use war caster over opportunity attack#i dont care much about luck of the far realms or charm (just bought them to boost cull the weak)#it's mostly just having 2 reactions for each of wrath of the storm and heart of the storm#wrath of the storm is more powerful but heart of the storm is great for a big cull the weak chain reaction#it's all about cull the weak lmao. my entire strategy is grouping my enemies and hitting them with call lightning + cull the weak#if call lightning was an evocation spell id be tempted to replace 2 of the cleric levels with wizard to get sculpt spells#ANYWAY. im really enjoying storm sorcery can you tell#it took a while to get into it because early level spells arent as impressive and i never used metamagic#because you start with so few points per long rest it never felt right to use them#i still dont use them because i never got used to it but at least the rest of the class (or subclass specifically) is very fun#seriously as soon as i realised that you basically only have to spend one spell slot on call lightning per fight it was game over#sorry bhaal the slayer's cool and all but idk if i'll ever use it. give it lightning powers or something man#personal#ash plays bg3
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