#and we saw in the preview that kant and bison end up in some kind of fight (i think?) and kant obv knows how to fight

[sunsetsover]

to be so real i wasn't nearly as enthused abt this episode as i thought i would be and i think it's bc like. everyone except bison got on my nerves lowkey. like i know why he did it but kant spiking bison's drink pissed me off. style was doing too much following fadel to that loss support group and then joining in and making a spectacle of himself. and fadel is just wayyyyyyy too controlling over bison to the point that it's invasive and patronising. like poor bison just wants to have a hot boyfriend and live his life WITHOUT killing people but he's being manipulated from just about every angle. like man please just let that boy live 😭

[ae-azile]

Emergence: Chapter 5 Preview

Despite wanting to join Fadel in bed, Style stays on the porch. He was told to be on standby, and Bison implied that Kant was having an episode. He hates that his best friend now has episodes. Other than the breakdown he had when Style first came here, Kant’s episodes have been brief, usually resolved with a reality check, subtle and gentle comfort, and some company as he returns to a baseline. While Bison has caused the majority of the trauma that led to the memory lapses, moments of fear, and temporary breaks from reality, he is still somehow successful in comforting Kant and bringing him back just as quickly as Style and Fadel are.

That's the only reason Style didn’t follow the sound of Bison’s voice to track down where they were, even though his gut keeps telling him he should. Regardless of Bison’s abilities to calm Kant down and bring him back, the episodes seem to almost solely revolve around Style and whether he's dead - or about Bison hating him. And Kant has not walked off somewhere while he is like this until now. Style feels like he should be wherever Kant is if this is a particularly bad episode. It has to be. Kant wouldn't have just walked off the property on his own at 4 am if it wasn't.

But he and Bison do come back. Two hours later.

“Am I still on standby?” Style asks as the motion light turns on and reveals them.

Bison winces at the question, “Sorry. I should have yelled out to let you know he calmed down.”

Fucker. But Style doesn't say that, despite his sleepy, annoyed mind wanting to.

“Why are you both wet?” he asks.

Kant looks down at himself, “I was trying to find the necklace I made Bison. He threw it in the ocean a few days ago. I needed to get it back for him-”

“He's been wearing it,” Style cuts in, then points at it, “I saw it on him when he first got here and he said that you managed to save it despite almost drowning. I don't think he has taken it off.”

“...I forgot.”

Style lets out a shaky breath, “You can't do shit like that, Kant. Not when you're like this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. You weren't in a healthy headspace. But we were scared,” Style says, “I was about to go wake up Fadel before Bison told me he was talking you down and to stay put. Did you see Fadel tonight? I can't just wake him up. He’s probably still high, the lightweight he apparently is. On top of me dicking him down into oblivion-”

“That is my brother,” Bison hisses, before making a strange face, “I thought he was a top.”

“Nah, he's a total switch,” Style says, feeling perkier at the subject change, “He just needs to trust the person and love them.”

“He needs that for topping too. Or any kind of sex.”

“Yeah, but even more so with bottoming,” Style says, then sits back in his chair proudly, “I have his trust, and I have his love. Plus, switch for switch. It was glorious-”

“It sounds like you are done feeling stressed out and upset,” Kant asks, then rubs his eyes, “I'm tired. I want to go to sleep.”

Ungrateful asshole. They would all be asleep if it weren't for Kant. Although, Style might not be. Now that he knows Kant isn't missing, contemplating suicide under duress, lost on the island in a bout of extreme confusion, or dead at the bottom of the ocean, he remembers why he was up to before he heard Bison desperately searching the house.

Fadel has a family. It's a family who loves him, misses him, and grieves him desperately, and Style doesn't even know how to break that to him.

He doesn't think he can. Not with everything else that is going on. Not with cops being on their trail and Fadel having a murderous, abusive, and manipulative mother. Fadel won't be happy if they get murdered, or if he reunites with them only to end up in prison shortly after.

Style won't let any of that happen. He is fixing all of this.

But even if he does, will Fadel believe him? Style isn't sure if Fadel and Bison fully recognize they’ve been brainwashed by Lilly. They aren't completely ignorant to who she is and the negative impact she has had on their lives, especially Fadel. But Fadel was told at a vulnerable time and age that his family didn't want him. He might be unwilling to reach out. Style supposes he could reach out to them. Apparently, his grandmother is Thai. He could probably effectively communicate with her if he found a way to get a hold of her. His aunt and cousins too. Their first language is likely Turkish, but they seem to be at least trilingual, since he saw more PR oriented posts that featured them responding in English and Thai as well.

He could reach out. He could. But then how is he supposed to explain to them that Fadel isn't actually dead? Style doesn't even know what the situation is with the evidence. What remains were they given to make the government declare him deceased? If it was that convincing, how can Style convince them otherwise? He could send them pictures of Fadel now. He is definitely a grown up version of the boy in the photos. But what if they think Style is trying to trick them? Some wealthy and prominent family like them would probably see him as some random mechanic from Thailand. They could think he is trying to pull off a scam for money, attention, or to satisfy an extremely mean sense of humor. And even if they do believe him, Turkey is pretty conservative. It isn't a punishable offense to be gay there, but gay marriage isn't legal and Style is pretty sure there are significant discrimination concerns. For all he knows, Fadel’s biological family is homophobic and will refuse to have anything to do with him. He hopes that isn't the case. Esen - Fadel’s aunt’s middle daughter - has a LOT of pictures with another girl around her age that gave off some sapphic vibes. So maybe if that's the case, they are accepting. Maybe they will believe that Fadel is actually alive and Fadel will believe they truly thought he was dead. They can reunite at an airport and Fadel and his family can break down in each other's arms and-

“Style? Hello?” Kant says, waving his hand in front of his face, “Are you good?”

Why can't he just make it happen now? Why does Fadel have a potentially corrupted cop on his case, an evil, adoptive mother set on using, traumatizing, and alienating her sons, and a body count that has nothing to do with sex? Why can't Style just skip all of that and focus on giving Fadel his family back-

“Style!” Kant says more pointedly, shaking his shoulder a little before standing up straight, “You zoned out. Did you bring your meds with you?”

That's barely enough for Style to pull himself out of his spiral of obsession as he meets Kant’s eyes.

“Despite having a beautiful road trip with the love of my life, neither of us thought to grab my medications,” Style says, “Oh well!”

Kant gives him a hard look, “You won't be saying “oh well” when you can't find anything you put down, fall into a depression, pacing a hole in the floor, develop mood swings, or are anxious due to high blood pressure and a high resting heart rate-”

Style rolls his eyes, “Do I look like a person who will develop any of that silly stuff?”

“Yes,” Kant says bluntly, “Because it happened when I took you on a trip to celebrate your graduation and you forgot your meds then.”

“That was years ago!”

“And then it happened again last year when you decided to stop your meds and didn't tell anyone.”

“Because my body has become too reliant on them. Now, I can't fucking deal if they aren't in my system!” Style points out, “I wouldn’t have these problems if that doctor didn't convince my parents they would only help me.”

Although, Style knows they were needed back then. He was a teacher’s worst nightmare until he was twelve. Not necessarily bad, but he was defiant. He didn't have the patience to even read directions. The fact that he passed every grade was only because Style knew his shit and could make up work fast on days where he could hyperfocus. After being prescribed medication, his stimulant helped him focus more consistently, but it also increased his blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety to concerning levels since he's considered an over-responder. They lowered the dosage of that medication and added a more sedating medication that could lower those levels and keep him calmer. He functioned well on those two drugs. The anti-depressant was only added after Pa noticed that Style was refusing to go out with friends anymore. When it got to the point where Style refused to get up in the morning to go to school and showed no interest in helping out in the garage despite Pa paying him, Pa made him go see a therapist. He thought it was about grieving Ma.

It had partly been that. He really missed Ma. He still does.

But he also really missed who he was before he met Gun.

He still does.

The therapist couldn't help him with that. He was still a minor when he talked with her. Despite confidentiality clauses, she would have told Pa anything he said about his relationship with Gun, and she would have reported the incident at the party to the cops. Style didn't want any of that to happen.

“Style? Did you hear anything I just said?”

Style blinks before meeting Kant’s eyes, “I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm always okay!”

Kant gives him a look, “Style-”

“I’m not the one who just had an episode,” Style cuts in. As soon as it comes out of his mouth, he knows it is a cruel thing to say. That's confirmed when Kant’s expression changes from one of concern and exasperation to one of hurt and disbelief.

“I'm sorry,” Style says immediately, then stands up, “I'm serious. I shouldn't have said that. I just felt ganged up on. I shouldn't have retaliated. That was mean of me to say.”

“I don't have episodes,” Kant says bluntly, causing Bison to look away and for Style to pat his arm.

“I think you are looking at the term too narrowly. It can refer to a lot of mental health blips.” Style says, “If you prefer we refer them to moments of anxiety and confusion, we can call them that. But the word “episode” is easier to say. I’ve had depressive episodes and I don't have an issue with the word. It just means that I get sad and shut down occasionally, temporarily disrupting my sunny, positive disposition.”

Kant puts his hands on his hips, “Which is something I don't want to happen to you. You suddenly stopping your meds can cause that.”

“I'm fine!” Style says, pointing at himself, “Look at me! I have been having a great time on this trip!”

“But you’ve only been without them for a few days. Kant says worriedly, “They aren’t completely out of your system yet, but once they are-”

“Ugh, I'm going to bed!” Style says, walking towards the door, “Quit stressing about me and get some rest. Stress probably isn't good for you right now. It isn't good for me either. Every second I am away from Fadel, I feel my cortisol levels rise. You don't want me stressed, do you? Not while I'm unmedicated."

And that's the complete truth, but Kant is still groaning about it anyway.

“Just be honest if you aren't feeling well,” Kant says, “Emotionally or physically. Don't hide it until you literally can't anymore.”

Style turns around and looks at him pointedly, “Same goes for you. No hiding shit until you impulsively walk into the ocean at 4 am.”

Kant scowls at that, “I wanted to get the necklace. And I was high.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Style declares, then walks through the door. However, he doesn't miss Bison’s words to Kant as he goes in.

“Chet has a blood pressure cuff and heart rate monitor. If it makes you feel better, I can ask to borrow them and have them on hand in case he seems off.”

“...Okay,” Kant says quietly, “Thank you.”

Annoyances, the both of them! He can't wait to get back to Fadel. He's not annoying at all. As soon as he sees Fadel sleeping peacefully in bed, Style feels all the more calmer. No more tedious questions to answer.

“Where did you go? You got dressed.”

Style lets out a sigh and turns on his side to face Fadel, “Kant had a bad episode. But don't call them that to his face. I think he's sensitive about the stigma that word has.”

Fadel shifts a little closer. Style takes a hint and brings him into his arms, “He’s okay now?”

“He's…wet,” Style says, “He wanted to get the necklace he made Bison. He thought it was in the ocean, so he left the house and walked down the shore to try and swim out himself.”

“...But Bison has the necklace because Kant actually got it when he jumped off the boat.”

Style shrugs, “Kant apparently forgot. He remembers now and he also realizes that you didn't actually kill me. Again. Bison talked him down. I stayed on the porch on standby and we communicated via screaming into the abyss. It felt very primal.”

Fadel shifts his head a little, “I can't believe I slept through that.”

“You somehow became higher than all of us combined, then got fucked into oblivion by an expert. It's understandable that you fell into a deep sleep.”

“An expert, huh?” Fadel asks, a sleepy grin forming on his face.

“Mm-hmm,” Style hums proudly, “How are you feeling now?”

Fadel burrows his face into Style’s neck, “Tired. A little sore.”

“In a good way or bad way?” Style asks, then attempts to sit up, “If you need me to check you down there, I will-”

“It's in a good way,” Fadel says, curling around him, “Relax.”

Fine. Style will. But he would have checked Fadel if he needed it.

“Are you still high?” Style asks, only to smile when Fadel lets out a whine and holds Style around his middle more tightly.

“Guess that's a yes,” Style says, kissing his head, “Such a lightweight.”

“I'm not.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I got a bigger piece by accident,” Fadel mumbles, “And that particular strain probably didn't agree with me.”

“Or agreed with you very well, depending on how you look at it.”

“It won't happen again.”

“We have three-fourths of a pan left and a marijuana farmer down the shore dying to test his new strains on us. It will too.”

“It won't.” Fadel breathes out, his eyes falling shut. Despite the fact that Style has yet to fall asleep, he watches him for just a few more minutes.

Style will make sure everything goes to plan, no matter what he has to do. One day, Fadel will see his family and know they never forgot about him even once.

He just can't tell him about them yet. There are other things they need to accomplish first and Fadel needs to be secure and have a lot of support around him when it happens. The risk that has followed Fadel around for over half his life needs to be completely diminished and left in the past.

Fadel is going to be happy, safe, and loved. Style will make sure of it.

Read Complete Series Here:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/4597729