#and we can choose to co-exist with understanding and patience

[cyanocoraxx]

me: here is why wasps are beneficial to the ecosystem, some facts that many people probably don’t know about them, and a look at the vast array of species that you may not have heard of before which may open your mind to their diversity and behavioural differences

ppl in the notes: delete this i hate wasps they’re horrible creatures they still suck they do nothing for the environment how could you say anything good about them

[i-still-mask-because]

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

-

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

[im-writing-extra]

table of contents chapter 2 - cross your thoughtless heart

The ship hurtles through hyperspace past the main systems and to the Outer Rim. You fiddle with the hilt of your lightsaber, sprawled sideways in the copilot’s chair. It’s on autopilot, but Yord’s concentrating anyway. 

You breathe in, out, and think I am one with the Force.

That mantra is taught to all Jedi from a young age, but you were quicker to grasp it than most. The understanding that everyone and everything is linked to the Force gives you the peace Master Yoda always reminds you to embody.

Jelucan isn’t a particularly large planet, but it’s beautiful. It’s best known for its mining, specifically of fogstone. The mines are in mountainous forests that have existed for centuries.

The plan is for you and Yord to land in the main village then make your way to the heart of one of Jelucan’s largest forests with a guide. 

It’s simple enough. Shouldn’t take longer than two days, especially since a) Jelucani aren’t known for their anger and b) you have Yord.

“Do you think they’re trying to get us to become Masters?” you ask absentmindedly.

“Neither of us have padawans and that’s the fastest way to become one, so no,” Yord replies. “Wait, do you mean through the Trials?”

You shrug. You’ve thought about it before. You have no particular desire to become a Jedi Master, nor do you want a padawan. The Trials certainly are not easy. They aren’t something you would set out to do, unlike the path to knighthood. 

Your trials had certainly been comprehensive and although neither of you had control over their exact contrivance, there had been somewhat of a race to see who would become a Jedi Knight first.

(It was Yord, but only by three standard rotations.)

Both of you had exhibited competitive tendencies since childhood. Dalphri and Venez hardly participated, choosing instead to egg you two on for their own amusement.

Neither of you had been particularly easy padawans; eager to please, sure. But easy?

Never.

You suppose that is why Master Yoda took you on. Most other Jedi would be steamrolled by a thirteen-year-old padawan with lightsaber skills to rival their own and an ego to boot. You had been named best in your class since you were eight.

Yord on the other hand was another kind of difficult. He followed every rule, knew every code. He was an excellent diplomat and because of that, an excellent negotiator. He could talk his way in and out of almost anything, particularly when he believed a rule was about to be broken. A weaker Jedi would have deferred to him, but not Master Battchi.

No, Master Ahmand Battchi of Glee Anselm was not one to be dissuaded from a battle of knowledge. He had endless patience and once fourteen-year-old Yord realized this, he did everything he could to pick Master Battchi’s brain about Jedi history and protocol.

So all in all, it worked out.

“I don’t want a padawan,” you tell him. “I’d rather die.”

“That’s a bit dramatic,” Yord remarks.

You look over at him. “Do you want a padawan? Yord. We’re basically younglings. We can’t be responsible for a child.”

Yord flips a few switches then turns to face you. “In this scenario, it sounds like we are sharing a padawan. In which case, I think we would be successful. However, I am not confident you are responsible enough to properly guide a padawan. But I welcome the opportunity to train a young mind in the ways of the Force.”

It takes every bit of self-control in your body not to reach over and slap him. You’re still debating whether or not you can get away with it when the ship jolts out of hyperspace. 

“Here we are,” Yord says. “Are you going to co-pilot like normal or should I leave it on autopilot?”

You shake your head. “Let’s fly manually.”

Yord chuckles. “I still don’t understand why you like flying once we enter the atmosphere. Wouldn’t you be able to enjoy it more if you were just watching?”

“Nope.” You grin as you buckle into your seat. “Let’s do a flip.”

—

Jelucan is far more beautiful and terrible than any of the holos you’ve seen. The mountains stretch upward toward the atmosphere with giant trees covering the sides. If you’re flying over any settlements, it’s hard to tell. 

You steer the ship to a private docking bay in Valentia, one of Jelucan’s major cities. A small detachment waits for you; all dressed as Jelucani officials except one.

“This shouldn’t take very long,” Yord says, helping you into your robe before you disembark. “Jelucani first- and second-wavers are notorious for their disputes, but as such they are relatively easy to solve.” 

He hands you your back before shouldering his own. You follow him down the ship’s ramp and into the fresh air. It’s thin, thinner than even Coruscant’s high altitude and the brisk wind makes you glad you brought your thick robe.

“Greetings,” says a girl about your age. She’s the only one dressed like a miner.

“I am Ja-Leri Corkin. I’ll be your guide into Colony Six.”

“Colony Six is one of the oldest mining colonies on Jelucan,” Yord whispers. You elbow him.

“We hope your stay is pleasant, Master Jedi,” says one of the officials as if you’re here on vacation.

“We’re Jedi Knights,” Yord corrects and you refrain from elbowing him again. He doesn’t need to split hairs, but there’s something strange about these people. It doesn’t have to do with the grayish tint to their skin, but rather the fact that they seem like they’d all rather be anywhere else. A few aren’t meeting your eyes.

“My apologies,” says the same official. He hasn’t offered his name and you have a feeling he doesn’t plan on it. “If there is any way we can be of service, please do not hesitate to let us know. Otherwise Ja-Leri is ready to take you to the Colony.”

You say, “Thank you,” and watch as they all hurry away. You glance at Yord, who’s frowning.

So you’re not the only one who thinks this is strange.

You nudge him ever so slightly and his eyes flick to yours. He nods, fiddles with his earring, then turns to follow Ja-Leri.

—

It’s a long, steep walk through the forest. Various animals call out to one another in a strangely beautiful symphony but you can’t enjoy it; you’re on high alert, ready for anything to tip you off as to why this place feels so wrong.

Yord is too. His hand keeps ghosting over his lightsaber, and there’s a deep line in between his eyebrows.

You’ve done this kind of thing before, so it doesn’t matter that there is no opportunity to talk; Yord will focus on what’s up ahead, you will focus on what you’ve left behind. That way you won’t be caught off guard.

“So, Ja-Leri,” you say, jogging up next to her. “Tell us a bit about Colony Six. What type of dispute are the first-wavers having with the second? I know they’re usually rooted in classism, but it might help for us to have an idea of what we’re getting into beforehand.”

“Oh. I believe you have been misinformed. It’s not infighting, we have laws against that dating back to the second-wavers; it’s…” she hesitates. “You must believe me when I say we wouldn’t have asked the Jedi for help if we hadn’t deemed it absolutely necessary.”

“You did the right thing,” Yord says and instead of coming off grandiose it comforts Ja-Leri. You’re surprised even further as he reaches out to touch her on the shoulder. “Tell us what you know,” he says.

A bird hoots, followed by the rustle of tree branches in the breeze. You shiver.

“There’s something down there,” Ja-Leri replies, barely audible. “We’ve been in these mines for generations and yet it’s something no one’s ever seen. The most seasoned of us refuse to enter. The children have uncontrollable nightmares. Few miners dare to venture in and those that do…” she shakes her head. “They come out insane.”

next chapter

[d-i-d-moi]

Girls, thank you for showing me what's going on. We need to look at what we do have not at what is different as that is effectively looking at what you don't have which brings loss, which triggers the trauma pattern of feeling like I'm dying. I think i did well to stay with that feeling even though i didn't recognise it for what it is at the time. I don't think i recognised that seeing things are different is akin to loss. I apologise for that. I see it now. So, let's spend some time looking at what we do have in life. Yes, you agree. Good.

You wanted to say something to me and you've forgotten what it was, it's ok, when and if it comes back. Ah you've remembered.

Thank you for listening to us and agreeing not to go to Notts Pride this year. It will be too triggering for us.

I understand that now girls, thank you.

Thank you for putting Kickboxing on hold too.

You are welcome i think a class where i am not the target would actually be better for us. Thank you for your patience with me.

You're welcome, you've been so very patient and kind to us. Only fair we give this to you too. You wanted to say something MT earlier, you want to put that here so we can see it.

Yes. This trauma thought cycle that comes up is not about life today. I know some people have neglected us, really, this doesn't mean they do not care about us. Their life has gone in a different direction to us. For some, we are not in their life anymore, really. Which i realise is also linked to bio parents. Yikes. Didn't see that connection, mantelpiece full of photos of them, and A. Not one with me in it even though i was there. Now i understand that trigger... what i wanted to say is...

The trauma pattern that is coming up is about our biological parents and when we lived with them, which I no longer do. I would like very much to help you be free of this. It is them, bio parents, let's call then BPs, that showed no interest in you/us/me. It is them who showed no indication of feelings towards or for us, it was them who didn't want to spend time with us, it is them who didn't want to know who we are, what we think or feel. It is the BPs who did not help us. It is the BPs who left us to figure it out for ourselves. It is/was the BPs who didn't want us. They wanted A. Our sister. It was like I didn't exist. Well, more fool them. I do exist, so too do you as beautiful parts of me. We have someone in our life who does want us, does care, and love us and shows this and expresses this to us. Who is actively trying to keep me in her life even though she has much in her life already, most of which takes her in a different direction to me. She chooses to do this cos she wants us and we are important to her, as she is to me and you. This is beautiful and important to note the difference girls. You understand?

Yes. We know TASM is genuine MT. We understand what you are saying.

Good. Time to kick this trauma's butt. I just want to be sure there are no more of you in there. I will not turn my back on any of you. Can you help me with this, identifying any more of us that need saving? I want you all. No buts, if, maybes. I want all of you live parts of me with me.

We will try MT.

Thank you. Is the new young one from yesterday ok? Oh hello, yes you are, good, welcome. You are safe here.

So this trauma feels calmer today, perhaps what is needed is grounding in the reality of life now. Let's see shall we?

Yes, please, MT. We love you very much. Like we said yesterday, you are not and have not let us down. You are doing your best. That's all any of us can do.

You have been listening to me.

Of course. You are our mother, we love you, we trust you. You are a lovely mommy MT. Thank you.

Thank you, my beautiful girls. Thank you. I love all of you, all LTs, all Ugi Beau's, all Ade's. Each and every one of you.

[fairrryprose]

[BOOK TOUR] NO SAFE HAVEN (MALITU #2) // JAMES LLOYD DULIN

I'm thrilled to be hosting a stop on the book tour today for this just-released adult dark fantasy book NO SAFE HAVEN, book 2 in the Malitu series by JAMES LLOYD DULIN, with ESCAPIST BOOK CO. I'm thrilled to be sharing my thoughts on this series so far; for more information on where you can get the book, what it's about, and other content you can check out on this tour, see below!

"NO HEART FOR A THIEF, NO SAFE HAVEN, ONLY A GRAVE WILL DO"

What you get in this series:

Magic

Found family

Colonialism and resistance

Wit, heart, and humanity

In this world, magic and colonialism intertwine. Magic exists in the spirit-marked, bestowed upon by the seven great spirits of Ennea, where those with the gift can call upon one (or two) of the elements, each associated with a virtue -- forgiveness, guidance, patience, etc. These magic wielders are called Dancers, and the way they harness their magic is described definitely lets you understand why they're called so -- moving with the grace and connection of dancers, yet also with their passion and vigour when they use their magic to fight. Spirit Thieves (Malitu) -- as one of our protagonists Kaylo is -- are reviled for their ability to 'steal' magic. When colonisers possessing crystals that can steal their magic arrive, the natives of Ennea quickly become subjugated, and the way this is explored, the many different facets of colonialism we see -- linguistic subjugation, mission schools, physical indenturement, etc. -- was done so well.

I flew through the first book, NO HEART FOR A THIEF, and NO SAFE HAVEN within a few days. The series' narrative is compelling and riveting in flipping between current events and storytelling. In the present day, we follow middle-aged jaded Spirit Thief Kaylo -- the once Hero of Anilace, now reclusive and living alone in a forest -- and fifteen-year-old Tayen, a Shadow Dancer mired in her desire for anger and vengeance after her entire family was murdered by the oppressors and taken in by Kaylo as an apprentice after he saved her life, as they live and train together and get drawn into events reminiscent of Kaylo's past, which we get told to us through his narrative recounting of events to Tayen -- her price to pay for his training her. The power of stories and what we can learn from them as a theme meshes well with this form of narrative.

With a complex cast of characters, each with their own pasts and paths that are inextricably intertwined, said compelling storytelling, and riveting action-packedness, it's no wonder I flew through the books!

The series ultimately charts themes which are further explored in NO SAFE HAVEN from the first book to do with the power of stories and how they play a role in culture, history, and (self-)identity, the choices we make and their consequences and how these shape us, action vs inaction, family -- both blood and forged -- grief, loss, and anger vs forgiveness, power, and above all, enduring strength in finding love and hope amidst all this dark devastation -- a reason to fight, to hope for a better life for one and all fellows.

Book Links:

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/No-Safe-Haven-Malitu-Book-ebook/dp/B0CFTBVQH9/ 

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/193551687-no-safe-haven 

///

Book Blurb:

Anger will not be quenched by blood alone.

The Missing, a rebel army that is little more than a rumor, may be Kaylo’s only path to exact his vengeance against the empire that claimed his home and killed his family. If it means a chance to balance the blood he owes, he will steal spirits and become the Missing’s tool, as long as they aim him in the right direction.

Eighteen years later, a war is raging between factions for control of Ennea. With Tayen, Kaylo, and Nix caught in the middle of a power struggle—Kaylo will have to find a way to fulfill the promise he made to Tayen, Nix must face the consequences of her betrayal, and Tayen will have to choose between vengeance and her spirit. When blood is owed, virtues will be challenged.

See Also: 

(This is our attempt at a bit of fun. We ask our authors to come up with a few short, clever, possibly pop culture laden, descriptions of their books just to give a little taste of what’s to come for readers.)

Joel and Ellie face colonialism and genocide with swords, magic, and heavy sarcasm rather than mushroom zombies with guns, grenades, and heavy sarcasm. 

///

Book Information:

No Safe Haven by James Lloyd Dulin Series: Malitu Genre: Dark Coming of Age Fantasy Intended Age Group: Adult Pages: 495 Published: October 24, 2023 Publisher: G&D Publishing (Self Published)

///

Content/Trigger Warnings:

Shown on Page (things clearly told to the reader): 

Graphic violence

Violence towards children, including torture

Racism

Ableism

Colonialism

Child soldiers

Death of loved ones

Kidnapping

Slavery

Survivor's guilt

Grief

Trauma

Religious manipulation

Alluded to (things only mentioned in passing or hinted at):

Drug addiction

Genocide

War

///

About the Author:

James is a nerd with a head full of stories and limited time to put them on the page. 

He grew up in Grand Rapids, MI, spending an excessive amount of time at a local community theater where he developed his affinity for storytelling. This affinity grew into a deep admiration for language and spoken word poetry while studying mathematics and education at the University of Michigan. A few hundred mediocre poems and lackluster performances later, he decided his dream of writing a novel might not be as ridiculous as he once thought. He firmly believes that art—even silly books about magic, or maybe especially silly books about magic—has the ability to tell stories that sink beneath the surface.

Author website: https://www.jamesdulin.com/ 

Twitter - https://twitter.com/JamesLDulin 

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jameslloyd27/

TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@jamesldulin 

///

Check out other stops on the tour here:

[away-ward]

Hey, out of the horsemen, who do you think you'll be able to get along with the most? And the one that you can't? A ranking from most to least get along with would be best.

For me from getting along well with the most to least: honestly none. The horsemen and i are just too different to be able to even have a conversation without pissing the other off. But surprisingly i feel like i can get along well with damon and michael the most, maybe because they just dont scrae me at all. People usually dont approach them because theyre scary on the surface, but my social skills is kinda fucked (LOL!) so i might not take their frowns or looks as intimidating. But thats not to say im gonna have fun conversations with them or anything, but maybe i just wont have any trouble asking them questions or working on some school or work projects with them, because usually they get their work done, the we go separate ways. I'd say, they're ideal co-workers to have for me. They were also the most flexible horsemen (surprisingly) between the four so i dont worry too much if they jude, or dont judge me, because they'll just let me be. Plus my moral is abit questionable, so things that might be amoral to people, i might let it slide or might not care as much as others.

The third would be will, but honestly its mostly because he was nice, and our conversation could be fun AT A LIMIT, emphasizing on the limit, because im an introvert and from all my years of living, talking to extroverts, doesnt matter if i like/love them or not, is just so emotionally, brain-ly (?) and physically taxing. I do not have their level of energy, and i cant stand being around extroverts or social people more than a certain number of hours per day. Another problem i have with extroverts is just like how i dont understand their needs to be social, most of them dont understand my need to be alone too, so rather than respecting my needs of choosing to be alone, they'll keep on insisting me to have fun the way they have fun, dismissing the fact that we all have different ways we prefer spending our time on. Extroverts are the LITERAL BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. And from the way it was described in nightfall of how will never understood why emmy liked being alone (apart from the internal and external isolation she experienced) and always want her to be at the heart of a party, i truly cannot be around someone like will (or alex), I. Would. Die.!!! Around michael or damon, i never had to worry about these. Other than that, Will and i are two very different people on a very fundamental level, like i cant stand shallow conversations at all, so i wont be responding to his questions or thoughts as kindly or as much as he'd like me to, i just dont have that much kindness, curiosity, patience and time to be having small talks with will. He wil drive me crazy!!!Michael and damon might piss me off in conversations, but they wont make me feel like im talking to a child, which something i feel like will would make me feel, and He's definitely gonna be offended because he might think i undermine him and pooof, suddenly im on will graysons blacklist.

Fourth would be kai, and this is very surprising to me acrually, and the biggest reason might be because he's the most rigid person in the group, and im the free-est person i know. Being associated with kai in some sort of way will make me feel like im in a cage, but i can see the pros of having steady people like kai in this world, and people like him is what society needs to build a stable structure because theyre very reliable people. But just because theyre super reliable, doesnt mean i wanna have them around all the time. Just like michael and damon, kai is work place-ideal, but with a lesser inclination to have a talk with. We're both introverted which is good, but we're the opposite kind of introverted, because while my life is out of control, he's the epitome of control. I dont need him as a very close friend, but its good to have people like this in my circle, even as an acquaintance because theyre always ready for emergency. Our moral dont always align, because i think he's morally better than me (lmao) so if he goes crazy like he did with mads in firenight, im sorry, im not gonna be like michael, assuring him and all, i'll be judging him and ditch to be somewhere else, which was the last kind of presence he needs. Ooof, maybe im a bigger jerk than him? Ohmygod!

Anyway, this idea came up to me because I was crolling down your blog and i saw one of your first DN asks mbti, and i feel like Kai is definitely ISTJ, and since im a fan of mbti and cognitive functions etc., that was what sparked my ask. I disagree with anon of that ask that speculated emmy as INTP, but i do agree with a lot of their pounts that emmy could be and INTJ. In fact, she's the perfect example of it, even outside of her trauma. Anyway, it's also interesting how emmy does not and could not fit in with a bunch of majority too because thats usually how an intj person experiences life, since early childhood, even outside of trauma or ptsd. Which made me sad when will said something about emmy not fitting, when she of all people, probably mist have known this before anyone had to point out to her about her personility. It doesnt help that xNTx functions also made the least amount of people in the US and around the world, especially INTJ who's one of the rarest personality type out there. I remember reading about them and one of the many problems that INTJ women faces is society expected them to be OUTWARDLY kinder, warmer, more affectionate, cuter, caring, more feminine (wtv the fuck does that even mean) because society expects women to be a certain way. Interesting too how in the story pd also gives us the literal opposite of INTJ personality or emmy, which was alex (and to a certain extend rika and winter). I type alex and rika as ESFP and ESFJ, which makes a very big population of women around the world. Idk, if theres one thing about DN series i like is we see different kinds of women, and we see them having different personalities and strength and weaknesses, even outside of their backgrounds. Their backgrounds and past dont 100% make the present or future them, but they influence a big part of their personalities, thinking, biases, prejudices, and decision-making, so even without all these external circumstances' intervention, we can still see their personalities clearly. If you notice, emmy was just a reclusive and quiet person because of the abuse, even when she was out of it, or before she went through, it was already implied that she just loved her peace, the same goes with the other girls too. Idk, i know you mentioned about having know little tidbits about mbti, but what do you think? So far i type them like this:

Michael: ESTJ (Sentinels: Executive) / Rika: ESFJ/ISFJ (Sentinels: Consul/Defender)

- michael is the epitome of a ceo, and he has the credibility for it. As much as i like clowning him for his personal relationships, he gets hos professional work done, very well too. Rika is literally the mother of the group, very caring and all, no other words needed to describe her or michaelrika as a couple. They're very judging of others too, which was not a lie at all, lol! However, i feel like theyre both a very caring and giving type of person and couple, so the mom and dad of the group. A lot of their enjotment came from doing whatever they want because thats what they expect their closest and most important people to give them back.

Kai: ISTJ (Sentinels: Logistician) / Banks: ENTJ (Analyst: Commander)

- Kai is very strict and rigid, even outside of his fathers expectations, he couldve go out of his boundaries, but he rarely do because he loves his boundaries and rules and control. He's not as imaginative as Damon or Will, so his "N" type most likely isnt his dominant type. Plus, he likes things that exist in reality, and wasnt much into arts etc. like Winter and Emory were said to like. Banks is definitely an "NT" type, just not much of a strict thinker like emory, but still has a more outwardly agressive stance than em. I think the commander type is definitely her, based on her monologues and wuiet but efficient actions to run her plans, jobs, relationships and business. "TJ" functions suits kaibanks because theyre straight-laced and no nonsense type of couple. They do have fun, but its usually about breaking laws or traditions, thats their brands of mischief.

Damon: INFJ (Diplomat: Advocate) / Winter: ISFP (Explorers: Adventurer)

- damon feels everything, and winter is very artistic. They both are just so different with one another, but where one is lacking, the other makes it up well enough to fill in the details. I dont have much thoughts about these types other than saying they balance each other really well, be it from their brand of fun, or their own ways of dealing with intens emotions.

Will: ENFJ (Diplomat: Protagonist) / Emory: INTJ (Analyst: Architect)

- will's the protagonist of course 🙄🤷‍♀️😂 someone who loves to help others, and make decisions for others bcause they thought its the best, even if it wasnt always efficint 😂 will, i know i sound like i hate you in this post, but i 🫶 u babes. And someonewho loves all this attention, is balanced with someone who doesnt like unnecessary attention at all, emmy. Im not gonna go deeply about emmy or willemmy's types because theyre pretty self-explanatory, especially the "N" for exploring intuition, and "J" for judging. One thing about their N type con is they always overthink, live too much in their head. But good for them, it makes them love learning and wanting something deeper to look forward to in life. I think that anon already said a lot of things i wanna say, you can just add a link to their asks.

Aydin: ISTP (Explorers: Virtuoso) / Alex: ESFP (Explorers: Entertainer)

- aydin likes to work with his brain and hands, which was very similar with alex, thats why they're "S", not "N". A lot of their observation and judgement are made around reality, so it sometimes limits the possibilities beyond their framework (kinda like kaibanks, but aydinalex is less strict). I dont have else to add to them bcs idrgaf about them hahahah but yeah thats my two cents of them.

What do you think?

edited for grammar, spelling, and formatting

out of the horsemen, who do you think you'll be able to get along with the most? And the one that you can't? A ranking from most to least get along with would be best.

Me personally?

In the real world, none of them. I don’t think they’d like me and I don’t think I’d really like them. I think the most interaction we’d have is when I stop to watch one of their insta reels. But they’d have to be really funny.

So that being said, probably Will. He’s the only one I can see being funny online.

However, I take great pride in the idea that I’d probably irritate all of them except for Will, who I think would ignore me for the most part.

i feel like i can get along well with damon and michael the most

I’m surprised to hear someone say Damon and Michael, but I totally get your reasoning. It makes perfect sense.

I think people probably approach Michael. He was team captain at school. People followed him, his lead. He had to have some charisma. Just because I don’t see or feel it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have it within the narrative. He was also a well-respected professional athlete and businessman, from what we can tell. I’d say in his universe, he’s probably likable. We don’t like him/aren’t intimidated/think he’s boring 'cause we’ve been in his head.

I mean, as long as you’re not taken with his intimidating good looks (or so we're lead to believe) I think you’d probably be fine.

But interestingly, I think if people get nervous around him, it would probably be because he isn’t as engaging as it appears. He seems to be bored sometimes. If you’re not expecting to receive any reaction from him, you’d probably be fine.

I'd say, they're ideal co-workers to have for me. They were also the most flexible horsemen (surprisingly) between the four so i dont worry too much if they jude, or dont judge me, because they'll just let me be.

I’d say Michael would probably make a good co-worker. He understands teamwork and how to pull his own weight, and I’d imagine he’s probably pretty direct, so when he needs something, there’s no dancing around it.

As someone who’s an introvert and has problems with focus + task completion, my issues with would probably be timeliness. He seems like the kind of person who wants things when he wants them So if he interrupts me in the middle of a task and I can’t get back on track, that could be frustrating. But I think otherwise he’d be fine to work around.

I don’t ever want to be around Damon. I can’t get him appearing under Emmy in the pool out of my mind. I like watching him be messy with other people, but he seems like the kind of bully that would go through your stuff and rearrange it slightly just to watch you be paranoid when things aren't where you left them but nothing is missing.

But if you could handle them, props to you.

I do imagine that as fairly quiet, self-contained people, they’d be easy to work around in that sense. Not too draining.

The third would be will, but honestly its mostly because he was nice, and our conversation could be fun AT A LIMIT, emphasizing on the limit, because im an introvert and from all my years of living, talking to extroverts, doesnt matter if i like/love them or not, is just so emotionally, brain-ly (?) and physically taxing.

Do you mean mentally?

Yeah, extroverts can really take it out of an introvert. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with Will full on all the time. I’d need a buffer, someone to split his attention between so that I could get a break every once in a while, to decompress a little. But since he's generally good natured and doesn't mean harm, I wouldn't absolutely hate having him around sometimes.

will never understood why emmy liked being alone (apart from the internal and external isolation she experienced) and always want her to be at the heart of a party, i truly cannot be around someone like will

They would have needed to find a way to compromise. I think Emmy probably would have liked to go to more parties and have different experiences, but also to come home to chill or work on her projects, or watch movies alone or with just Will. I think, if Em had the opportunity and Will had the time to work with her, they probably could have figured it out. There would be fights for sure, but I don’t think it was impossible for them, had circumstances been different.

like i cant stand shallow conversations at all, so i wont be responding to his questions or thoughts as kindly or as much as he'd like me to

That’s funny. I can imagine Will trying to tell a joke and someone who thinks about things on a deeper level giving a really existential answer that he doesn’t understand, so he just finishes the joke anyway but without a laugh. He thinks they're a killjoy.

But for the most part, I think Will is probably deeper than people (his peers and sometimes even himself) give him credit for. It might take awhile to get there, but he’s not like a reflection pool.

Then again, we see how he reacted to Banks when Damon nearly swiped her on her bike. “She’s a *shudder* feminist!” Whatever, dude. He probably wouldn’t give you the time of day the second you didn’t fall all over for his smile and lame jokes (I mean, unless your emmy, that is?).

All I know is I don’t have the time or energy to put in the work to make any of them like me.

Fourth would be kai, and this is very surprising to me acrually, and the biggest reason might be because he's the most rigid person in the group, and im the free-est person i know

Kai’s interesting. Like I’ve said before, he’s friendly, but not kind or social. I think he’s outwardly nice, and that it probably comes from a genuine place, but that it’s very surface level kindness.

I’d probably get along with him the best, but only on the agreement not to ruffle each other’s feathers. I generally try to adjust to working with the people around me, and can be passive on matters that don’t rank high in importance for me. I think he can probably be the same. We see that when he notices Will starting to fail, Kai doesn’t immediately step in to stop him, but he doesn’t leave Will to himself either. He seems to take a more passive approach because who is he to force Will to do anything. At the same time, when Will asks, he’s honest with him about the reason he and Michael have been leaving him out of the decisions – he’s not reliable.

He didn’t want Will to burn down the gazebo, but he went with him because that’s what the horsemen do. Same with Damon and Winter, and Michael with Rika. There were moments where Kai disapproved of something they did, but even though he didn’t agree, he didn’t harp on it forever. He said his peace and left it at that.

The only thing he never shut up about was prison. Which I take personally.

I did appreciate that when the teachers starting noticing something odd about Mads, Kai wasn’t rushing to get him diagnosed or checked out. He left his kid to be himself, and until it started presenting as a problem, he had no intentions of making a big deal about that. But as far as him losing his head, that I understand and would expect from a parent. Written, it feels a bit exaggerated but sometimes life is that dramatic.

So I guess for me the order of who would irritate me less to be around:

Kai, Will, Michael, Damon.

this idea came up to me because I was crolling down your blog and i saw one of your first DN asks mbti,

Okay, getting back into MBTI. Nice. Since I don’t have a lot of time to dive deep into the personalities, I’m just using 16personalities to get an overview. I know it’s not the best source, but it’s easy to navigate.

which was alex (and to a certain extend rika and winter). I type alex and rika as ESFP and ESFJ

I had to go back to see what was said before. So I agreed that Emmy could be an INTJ. And I agree that Alex could be an ESFP. The entertainer really fits Alex quite a bit.

Idk, if theres one thing about DN series i like is we see different kinds of women, and we see them having different personalities and strength and weaknesses, even outside of their backgrounds

This is very true. We didn’t get cardboard cut outs, the same woman copy/pasted. As underdeveloped as they can be at times, they are individuals.

Individual MBTI’s

(this time, bolds are for emphasis & to break up large amounts of text for easier reading)

Michael: ESTJ (Sentinels: Executive) Rika: ESFJ/ISFJ (Sentinels: Consul/Defender)

I think I see where you’re going with Michael, but I personally see him as an ENTJ, The Commander. At a surface level they appear similar but diving into the Strengths and Weaknesses, and Romantic Relationships has me leaning that way. And I am inclined to think of Michael as intuitive, anyway. He makes decisions very quickly, often going with a gut instinct or what he "knows" to be right (even if he’s actually wrong) with seemingly very little to go off of.

Some points I liked from the website:

“Commanders push their goals through with sheer willpower where others might give up and move on, and their Extraverted (E) nature means they are likely to push everyone else right along with them, achieving spectacular results in the process.”

“Commander personalities genuinely enjoy the challenge, the battle of wits, the repartee that comes from this environment, and if the other side can’t keep up, that’s no reason for Commanders to fold on their own core tenet of ultimate victory.”

“Commander personalities have a particular skill in recognizing the talents of others, and this helps in both their team-building efforts (since no one, no matter how brilliant, can do everything alone), and to keep Commanders from displaying too much arrogance and condescension. However, they also have a particular skill in calling out others’ failures with a chilling degree of insensitivity”

“Commanders put a lot of energy into their relationships, and they show their creativity by always having something new on the agenda to keep things interesting”

“their authentic confidence makes Commanders’ sex life dynamic to say the least, and they often push to explore new ways to express their affection with imaginative enthusiasm. Yet Commanders tend to have these innovations planned in advance, with some structure and predictability to their sex lives, leaving the true spontaneity to those less organized personality types.” – reminded me of the steam room scene. Michael had everything about that day planned. The only thing he didn’t anticipate was Kai.

Rika – I agree that she’s an extrovert, but like Michael, I see her being more intuitive than sensing. So I lean more towards an ENFJ, or The Protagonist.

Both types have strong morals and a sense of duty and tradition. They speak out when they see a wrong that needs to be right, and that all fits with Rika. There were just a few things in the Consul type that didn’t fit with the way I had interpreted her character. I especially feel the ENFJ’ parenting style would fit better with what I’d expect from Rika.

These personality types have an uncanny ability to pick up on people’s underlying motivations and beliefs. At times, they may not even understand how they come to grasp another person’s mind and heart so quickly. These flashes of insight

Generally speaking, they are motivated by a sincere wish to do the right thing rather than a desire to manipulate or have power over other people. Even when they disagree with someone, Protagonists search for common ground.

But getting involved in other people’s problems isn’t always a recipe for success. Protagonists tend to have a clear vision of what people can or should do in order to better themselves, but not everyone is ready to make those changes.

most readily express how they feel, so they often find themselves making the first move, rather than playing games or waiting for reassurance that the other person feels the same way.

Rika especially showed these traits when dealing with characters outside of Michael. She originally felt inferior to him, so perhaps adjusting her approach. But even then, at times she was the one to make the first move to pursue him, such as getting into his car in Corrupt or when she pushed for their relationship to not be hidden despite what others would think.

Kai: ISTJ (Sentinels: Logistician) Banks: ENTJ (Analyst: Commander)

I agree with Kai being an ISTJ!

Logisticians may not be particularly flashy or attention-seeking, they do more than their share to keep society on a sturdy, stable foundation. This was basically his role in the crew. Michael lead, Damon caused trouble, Will drew attention, and he was there to make sure it all fell into place.

rarely hesitate to take responsibility for their actions and choices. Generally speaking, they are quick to own up to their own mistakes, admitting the truth even if it doesn’t make them look good. He was pretty quick to take responsibility for almost killing a man in prison. (And I know I rag on him for complaining about going to prison, but the truth is that realistically he wouldn't have. His name and family’s money and reputation should have gotten him community service at most (because privilege). He knew he was wronged and he was pissed. I just hate that he was still complaining about it four years later when he’d gotten everything he’d “lost” and that he was blaming other people as if they had any control.)

Logisticians might unfairly misjudge people who can’t match their rigorous self-control. Suspecting that someone is being lazy or dishonest when that person might actually be coping with other challenges. Um. Will.

However… I’m reversing Michael and Banks. Banks I’d say is more ESTJ. For reasons as I’ve stated above, they’re really similar, there’s just a few features of the type that I feel better suit my interpretation of Banks.

Wild ideas and poetry are for less mature personalities, or so Executives might say, though they do appreciate recognition and well-placed compliments to maintain high self-esteem. They may look for more stability in their sex lives than most, but Executives never fail to bring their characteristic vigor.

Executives address conflict head-on with simple statements of fact – a very rational approach – but subtlety and emotional tact are sacrificed in the process.

Embracing the values of honesty, dedication and dignity, people with the Executive personality type are valued for their clear advice and guidance. Sorry, I'd never go to Michael for any kind of advice, but he did go to Banks.

Executive personalities lead by example, demonstrating dedication and purposeful honesty, and an utter rejection of laziness and cheating, especially in work

I was a bit conflicted, because I wasn’t ready to see Banks as an extrovert but I think I found the answer to that in her ESTJ-A

Assertive Executives say they don’t need approval to be happy. Assertive individuals tend to think in more independent terms. When this independence is combined with the Thinking personality trait, these Executives are a little more likely than Turbulent Executives to keep others at a distance.

Assertive Executives are less interested in conforming. Their self-assurance and their sense of purpose offer them a perspective that allows these personalities to place less value on how others see them.

Connecting with others likely comes from a place of “want” for them, rather than “need.”

Damon: INFJ (Diplomat: Advocate) Winter: ISFP (Explorers: Adventurer)

I’m going to make a case for Damon as ISTP. This is really the only one I’ve strongly stuck with since I’ve started considering their types with the first ask. I totally get where you’re coming from with INFJ, though. He does feel everything, but consider these points from the intro of ISTP

Often mechanics and engineers, Virtuosos find no greater joy than in getting their hands dirty pulling things apart and putting them back together. In the business, Damon takes charge of building the designs Emory comes up with. He's also fired or redone other people's work because it wasn't up to his standard.

Virtuosos can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.

at their heart is a strong sense of direct fairness, a “do unto others” attitude, which really helps to explain many of Virtuosos’ puzzling traits. Instead of being overly cautious though, avoiding stepping on toes in order to avoid having their toes stepped on, Virtuosos are likely to go too far, accepting likewise retaliation, good or bad, as fair play. 👀👀👀 damon?

Dating Virtuoso personalities is a tango, complex and interesting, with alternating coldness and detachment, and passion, spontaneity and enjoyment of the moment. Again, Damon?

Virtuosos’ partners tend to find that intimacy is about the closest they get to open emotional expression. It’s not that Virtuosos don’t have feelings – they actually run quite deep and strong – just that they conceal and protect them because they are unsure how to deal with them and express them.

I’ll stop before I copy the whole thing...

As for Winter, I agree 100%. She’s the other one that I’m sure of. Strange, since I don’t really care for her all that much.

Will: ENFJ (Diplomat: Protagonist) Emory: INTJ (Analyst: Architect)

I think that anon already said a lot of things i wanna say, you can just add a link to their asks

I certainly can! Here and here are the previous asks about MBTI. The first link is more relevant. I went far off-topic in the second, but it’s there if you want a refresher of the original ask.

And…I’m back to disagreeing. Darn. I’d like to go more than one. I’m still leaning towards ESFP or ENFP. When I was doing more research, one of those said that they were more inclined to falling into addictions, but that could be both Alex and Will. I know it feels off to give them both the same type, but it could happen. I like ENFP because it sounds so much like Will on the surface, but he’s not really all that intuitive. In fact, I’d said Alex is supposed to be more intuitive than him. But anyway.

And Emmy is perfectly fine just where she’s at. I think INTJ fits her very well.

Aydin: ISTP (Explorers: Virtuoso) Alex: ESFP (Explorers: Entertainer)

You're right, Aydin was a doctor and liked to work with his hands, but Damon found he liked to build things and got into business with Em. So I’m not ready to give that up either. However, the one I’m most inclined toward for Aydin is INTP. I know you said he’d be more of an “S” but I also think he struggled with the path he was placed on. He was a thinker, a bit philosophical at times, with Emmy. So was Damon, so maybe I am just out on a limb here.

Logicians pride themselves on their unique perspectives and vigorous intellect. This man always thought he was the smartest person in the room.

People with this personality type hardly ever stop thinking. From the moment they wake up, their minds buzz with ideas, questions, and insights. At times, they may even find themselves conducting full-fledged debates in their own heads.

They have a reputation for being pensive, detached, and a bit reserved. That is, until they try to train all of their mental energy on the moment or the person at hand, which can be a bit uncomfortable for everyone. I think this is partially how he was able to take control of Blackchurch. It's probably uncomfortable to feel like Aydin is reading you inside and out, without you actually saying anything.

When they connect with someone who can match their mental energy, these personalities absolutely light up, leaping from one thought to another. Few things energize them like the opportunity to swap ideas or enjoy a lively debate with another curious, inquiring soul.

They may change their mind on anything from their weekend plans to a fundamental moral principle, without ever realizing that they’d appeared to have made up their mind in the first place. In addition, they are often happy to play devil’s advocate

Logicians are well represented among mathematicians, analysts, researchers, and scientists, particularly in more abstract fields such as physics. Jobs in engineering and technology can also be a match, especially if they allow room for creativity.

And again with Alex, ESFP seems to fit her perfectly, but she could possibly be an ENFP for the same reasons that Will could be an ESFP. Or an ENFJ. It’s really all how you interpret their significant moments.

So those are my current thoughts. There's not a whole lot I'm tied to, except for what I mentioned. I don't feel I'm right, and you have every right to keep your own interpretations. there's plenty here for me to be incorrect about, and I'm just guessing for the most part.

I hope you don't mind how different our thoughts were. I really appreciate your ask and the fact that you took the time to go that far back! That's impressive, and it's nice to know that people are still reading that even though it was so long ago in internet time.

Let me know if you have any additional thoughts you want to share!

[luna-rainbow]

would you ever write... shrinkyclinks or shrunkyclunks? XD what do you think a bucky or steve who didn't grow up with each other and went through the war and everything would be like?

Thanks for the ask!

I need to start by saying everyone reads Steve and Bucky in a slightly different way and I’m not saying that my way is any measure of “correctness”, but rather it influences what I like to read and write about.

Childhood sweethearts is usually not a trope I enjoy but there is something about a shared childhood and a shared wartime experience that makes Stucky…well, Stucky. I think Steve and Bucky being around each other in their formative years was vital for who they both became. Without Bucky, Steve would be a loose cannonball because he has nothing to lose and no one to hold him back. Bucky was always in his corner through thick and thin, and I think that sort of relationship really softens one’s worldview and I have no doubt that through the worst of his days, Bucky’s existence gives Steve hope and reminds him that the world — which has been largely cruel and cold to Steve — is kind. Without having Bucky there, I think Steve would like/trust people far less and his sense of justice is going to have an angry edge. Sarah’s upbringing would have laid down the foundations for Steve’s morality, but assuming Sarah was quite unwell for the last years of her life, Bucky’s steadfastness would’ve been pivotal in shaping Steve’s patience and optimism for other people.

I think having Steve in his childhood is also crucial to Bucky being the way he is. Maybe Bucky will always be loyal and protective, but there’s nothing like having a friend who always gets unfairly picked on, who you wish the world would cheer for as much as you do…to understand the unfairness that comes with being disabled, and the need for other people to also stand up for them. I do think a lot of Bucky’s maturity and kindness comes from having grown up with Steve, because otherwise illness and misfortune are vague concepts to a healthy young man. And Bucky will probably always be resilient but I’m sure being around Steve would’ve reinforced that and helped him survive so long under Hydra’s control.

I feel like they’re two people who are not actually that similar, but have grown into each other so well because they’ve lived as one half of each other. Their intimate familiarity with each other is what I find special about their relationship and is central to how I like to write them.

That said, I’d love a Shrinkyclinks and Shrunkyclunks if we can keep that shared experience bit, although I’m not sure that it would fit exactly with the definitions of the terms 🤣

I’d love to do a story where Steve’s serum doesn’t work and he ends up not getting to the frontline. He becomes a journalist or activist, while Bucky gets captured and turned into Winter Soldier…and Steve dealing with the aftermath of that, as well as the living through the period where Operation Paperclip was in full swing.

I think the basis for Shrunkyclunks makes it hard for them to retain that shared experience. One possible way of making it work (again, classic Danmei trope) is reincarnation. The Chinese concept of reincarnation is that people drink from the river of forgetfulness which wipes the memories of their previous life. In various stories, people either choose not to drink or doesn’t get given the drink, or they didn’t drink enough and their memories start coming back. A Shrunkyclunks where there’s a meet-cute (or meet-ugly) followed by Steve being plagued by the familiarity and Bucky’s memories of previous life slowly coming back, I could get behind 🤣 Or even a Bucky keeps getting vivid wet dreams of Captain America and he would collect a lot of Cap merch cos…why not, his subconscious is clearly a diehard fan. Might even end up working for Shield (as a science/tech staff). Then Steve comes out of the ice and now he’s working in close vicinity with the guy he half idolises and half gets wet dreams about…but also lately the dreams have become increasingly less horny detailed and painful…and he keeps feeling like if he doesn’t reach out he will lose something important.

Sorry this got long-winded!

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

[dameronology]

obi-wan kenobi relationship alphabet

as requested by the lovely @read-and-rec - i hope u enjoy!!

a - actions. what sort of things do they do to show they love their s.o?

for obi-wan, it would be in his every day actions. he's not all that big on grand gestures - can't be drawing attention to a relationship he's not supposed to be in after all - so it's reflected in the actions that show how well he knows you. like, he always flips the pillow before you come to bed so that it's cold, and when you have a particularly early start, he'll get up 20 minutes before you to make you breakfast

b - beginnings. how did the relationship begin? how has it changed?

i don't think obi would get into a relationship in the casual way -- he'd probably have to be in love with his best friend (that's u, ofc) and it would take a life threatening event for him to finally confess his love. not a lot would change, bc you're still best friends, but obviously there's the added closeness and love.

c - comfortable. how comfy are they with each other? peeing with the door open close, or would they rather keep the mystery?

he'd let you determine that. but also bc most of your time together is spent within your quarters, due to the natures of your job and the risk of people seeing, you're within close proximity a lot of the time so you're bound to be pretty comfortable around each other. you wanna burst into the refresher when he's in the shower cos you you had twice as much coffee as ur bladder can hold? he's not gonna stop you

d - dates. do they consider dates to be important? what kind do they prefer?

his favourite kind of dates are the ones where he gets to be close to you - whether that's wandering round the temple gardens after dark, or curling up in bed and watching a movie. if you ever get the chance to catch a break and escape to a far, far away planet, he'd definitely be up for something more grand.

e - engagement. how would they propose? who would even pop the question?

i don't think he would propose - more on that later - but if he did, it would be low key. even though there's like 0% chance of you rejecting him, he wouldn't want to put that pressure on you by making a big, public ordeal of the occasion

f - fundamental. for them, what is the most fundamental part of a relationship?

support & commitment. for obi-wan, he needs someone who's gonna be there for him through thick and thin; someone who will listen to him when he needs to vent and someone who will lay with him in bed when everything gets too much. he also needs someone who is committed and in it for the long run, bc he's lost so many people and can't face to see another go (especially by choice). of course, you get both things in return from him.

g - gratitude. how do they show their appreciation for you?

he just says it how it is. ten times a day really, but especially before bed - "have i ever told you how much i love and appreciate you?"

h - home. a random domestic headcanon.

he's terrible to share a bed with. you'll fall asleep on your respective sides of the bed, hands interlinked, and then get woken up two hours later by him spreading out on the whole mattress like patrick the goddamn star fish, forcing you onto the floor

i - infinite. do they believe their love is endless, or is there something that could break it?

obi-wan is both. if you turned to the dark side, or betrayed him or his cause, he could never forgive you, and the relationship would most certainly be over. it doesn't mean he'd stop loving you though - he couldn't ever do that. not even if he tried his hardest. so, his love is infinite but there are things that could make him turn away from you.

j - jokes. who's the funny one?

if you like dry humour, he's definitely the funny one, but with practical jokes and puns, that would be you.

k - kiss. how do they kiss? favourite type?

every morning before he goes to work, obi-wan will pull you towards him and give you a deep, breath-taking kiss; with one hand on your back and one on your neck, it'll be on your mind for the rest of the day. that's his favourite type of kiss.

l - longing. who's the clingy one? how are they with long distance?

neither of you, but also obi-wan sometimes. obi-wan becomes a thousand times clingier when he has nothing to do; if he's between missions and meetings, he'll stick to your side like a golden retriever. it's cute at first, but then when you can't even sit down for twenty minutes to do paperwork without him wrapping himself around you? that's when you drop the council a message and beg them to do something with him. anything.

m - marriage. do they wanna get married?

initially, obi-wan isn't all that bothered by marriage. he doesn't need a ceremony or a wedding to prove either person's commitment - and he just kind of assumes that all those vows and promises are a given, regardless of whether you have a legal document to hold you to your word.

but, if you're still together after order 66, when he's on tatooine? he'd never be opposed to it. if it's important to you, he'll respect that.

n - nicknames. what ones do they like?

he likes when you call him obi, and for you, it's either my darling or my love

o - over the top. are they ever ott? or are they more low-key?

maybe in battle, but obi-wan generally relies on subtle & low-key gestures rather than massive displays of affection.

p - picture. what's their favourite picture of them and their s.o?

there's a selfie you took on your second or third date (idk if selfies exist in the star wars universe but...we move). he has his arm around you, and you're pressing a kiss to his cheek. it's so simple, but it means everything to him.

q - quintessential. what is one they would refuse to compromise in their relationship? what's a deal-breaker for them?

again - the dark side. even if he breaks the code to be with you, obi-wan is going to a dedicated jedi til the day he dies and it's something he holds in a regard as high as his love for you. so, he could never, ever be with someone who ever went against what he believed in, or someone susceptible to slipping.

but if he did see the person he loved turning to the dark-side? he'd do everything in his fucking power to stop it. he'd lose sleep and risk his life to help you, but once you're gone, that's it. if he couldn't save you before, he knows there'd be no chance once you'd turned.

t - tattoo. would they ever get matching tattoos with their s.o, or a tattoo for them?

probably not a tattoo, but i don't think he'd be opposed to subtly engraving your initials on his lightsaber

u - understanding. how understanding are they? or are they a little difficult?

understanding KING. it doesn't matter what the issue is, he's gonna be there to listen and make you feel valid. even if you do something that irks him a little bit, he'd still have all the patience in the world.

v - vases. do they buy flowers?

all. the. time. sometimes for special occasions, sometimes just because

w - wandering. do they wanna travel? or immediately settle down?

before order 66, obi would love travelling with you, provided you both work in a similar field and he can make it look conspicuous. if it's after, he's not entirely enthusiastic about planet hopping when darth goddamn vader has it out for him, but he would absolutely love to settle down.

x - ex. how many exes do they have? any horror stories?

one word: satine.

y - you. favourite thing about their partner?

just...everything. he could never choose a favourite thing. he could say your eyes, and the way you sparkle when you laugh, but then he'd feel bad for forgetting your butt, and the little dimples in your hips, and the way your brow creases when your confused. see what i mean?

z - zeal. how excitable are they? who's the calm one?

he's definitely the calm one. he can be very enthusiastic in battle, but in other aspects of life, he has the chilled out aura of someone who has consumed a pound of the devil's lettuce

[incorrect-quotes-from-she-ra]

Morning! I hope you don't mind if i give you yet another She-Ra thought I'm too damn lazy to post on my own. Also, it's long again. I WILL find that character limit some day.

So, we know the way Shadow Weaver raised Adora resulted, among other issues, in her being selfless to the point of self-sacrifice, which came to a climax in the Heart's failsafe business.

And it's been suggested that this was basically intentional on Shadow Weaver's part. Basically, selflessness is a very beneficial quality for others to have. My theory is that <b>her plan for Adora had always been specifically for her to someday use the failsafe and release all magic</b>.

(i will admit i am also curious how formatting works in this app. thank you for your help with these experiments)

So, evidence. Let's start with her name. I know this is a remake and they were stuck with the existing names, but there's a scene where Scorpia complains about it ("yeah i GET it, everyone LOVES you"), which constitutes the writers acknowledging its meaning, which makes me think it's fair game to analyze.

First, I'm obviously assuming Shadow Weaver choose it, as part of her ongoing parenting plan. It's also possible it was her original First One-given name, we don't know. Neither quite works because either she or Light Hope should have had some issues knowing what the name was and they clearly knew automatically. Really the entire series is weird in that everyone communicates with everyone else way too easily, and i will definitely rant about that someday.

For now let it stand that Shadow Weaver is the parent figure, it makes the most sense for her to pick the name, both in-universe and narratively, so i shall assume so by default. I have two things to say about that choice.

First, as we all have noticed, most of the princesses have names ending in -a. All of them, if you count "Glimma". It's never said to be intentional, but it would make sense. And then IF such a tradition exists among Etheria's royalty, it's not unreasonable for Shadow Weaver, a notable and moderately respected member of the land of knowledge, to know about it.

And then if she knew, of course she would take it into consideration when looking for names. Admittedly it's a little weird with the anti-Princess propaganda that the Horde has, but she doesn't really need to explain or justify this. Hordak has a very [i]laissez-faire[/i] attitude, and everyone else she clearly doesn't care about.

And if she knew or suspected that the princesses' powers were related to the Heart of Etheria, which i will argue for later, then giving her a princessy name is also adequately ironic.

The second name bit is that Scorpia clearly knows some Latin, but not enough. True, <em>adorare</em> means to worship and/or to love, but Latin verbs are more complex than that. _Adora_ specifically is 3rd person singular present indicative active. The translation would be "she loves".

Names aside, i want to talk about how they (we) learned about the Heart of Etheria. Castaspella doesn't know what to do, Shadow Weaver suggests they take a road trip to research, which she's reticent about but concedes is probably the best use of her time, and they find success. We don't know how long it took them, but i had the distinct impression that it wasn't very long.

Naturally, I'm suggesting Shadow Weaver knew all along, and led Castaspella on the trip to have an excuse for the inevitable "how do you know?". Also tricked her into thinking it was /her/ discovery, and maybe even that she was succeeding where Shadow Weaver had failed before, if necessary.

That's why she's so excited to share their results with everybody, and Shadow Weaver cuts her off, apparently just to antagonize her for fun, but I'm suggesting it was also because for her this is the culmination of a decades-long plan, and she wants to Get On With It.

It's also interesting that there was a mural depicting the Spell of Obtainment in the hallway leading to the failsafe. It was a reminder of Shadow Weaver's past, and an opportunity for her to show she regrets her results but doesn't repent from her choices, which i quite like actually. But I'm also saying that, meta-textually, it was a signal that she'd been there before, literally.

And then there is the potential in-universe connection, since we don't know what exactly the spell was meant to be obtaining. Power, for sure, and from what happened we're probably meant to assume it's tapping into some sort of demonic entity or dimension.

Fair enough, except that it never comes up again. And it's kind of a big plot point that Etheria is isolated from the rest of the cosmos, which may or may not conflict with it having a contactable "hell". Meanwhile there's the Heart of Etheria Project collecting all that magic, which Mara's allies (and their descendants) would know something about, have access to at least one backdoor to, and may well have tried to tap into its power at some point.

And then what went wrong may well be one of the defense mechanisms of the Project, though I'm admittedly veering into unfounded speculation.

So, a rough timeline. Light Spinner was always motivated to excel and craved power. She was probably always envied the princesses, who command greater magic than most sorcerers with apparently none of the study and practice.

She took to researching everything she could that might lead to power, eventually discovering the chamber with the failsafe, and presumably other information left by Mara's Friends, either in other chambers or in documents she's since removed. She would have learned a lot of things from this.

As i suggested, i believe she knew there's some connection between the princesses at large and the Heart of Etheria. Incidentally, i don't know exactly what that connection is, and in particular whether princesses were created by the Project or an existing phenomenon that the First Ones co-opted. But it doesn't matter, exactly.

What's important is that there's clearly a connection, more specifically a control system for the princesses and their magic, which is presumably related to how Shadow Weaver was able to tap into the Black Garnet's power. With Hordak's help, obviously, since she clearly believed it when he claimed he could cut her off at will, but he's later shown to have basically no understanding of First Ones' tech, so the knowledge must have come from her.

For the record, i would guess she thinks princesses are artificial, empowered both magically and politically to keep the planet in check, and that they would be depowered once the failsafe was fired. I also think that may be true, actually, since it almost happened when Entrapta was messing with the system, and if i recall none of them were shown to use any magic after Adora did fire it, while she clearly used Perfuma's power. But anyways!

Back to what Shadow Weaver learned, she would know some of what the failsafe does, namely disrupt the system that's hoarding most of the planet's magic, thereby spreading magic to all (most notably her), and some of how to use it, and the fact that she couldn't do so and hope to live, and some of the criteria for who can. That part is important.

But first, she also learned the Spell of Obtainment, deemed it more likely but didn't think she could do it herself, despaired of getting help until she thought Hordak's rise to fame would give her #casus belli#, lost her patience when the Mystacor leadership disagreed, etc etc etc. Pretty uncontroversial in this part, i think.

After she'd joined the Horde, when Hordak showed up with baby Adora and wanted to lump her with the rest of the orphans they have, Shadow Weaver pleaded to have her get special treatment. She even said that she's special, and it couldn't have been her leadership skills or good heart, since she didn't have either yet. It's heavily implied she could recognize her as a First One, but it's not clear why she would care, since they were known for leaving behind advanced technology, which a baby also doesn't have. Unless, of course, she knew there are devices only a First One could use, and maybe has plans related to that.

So I'm pretty sure she learned the criteria that the failsafe requires, devised some spell or technique to check people for them that she pretty much used all the time, just in case, and was very surprised when a newborn tested positive. She was also surprised when Hordak made her personally responsible for the raising of the kid, but her reaction is pretty much "ok, that could work, i guess".

Also also, i suspect she can read First One script. Not perfectly like Adora, but better than Bow's parents probably. Mostly because when she puts Adora's hand on the crystal and says "i think you know the password", that seems like a very transparent attempt to pretend she knows it too when she doesn't. But that seems irresponsible at such a crucial moment, she and Castaspella should really have researched it earlier. Or at least her line there should have been "you can read this, right?" or somesuch.

So I'm thinking it's a double bluff, hoping everybody assumes she doesn't know so she doesn't have to reveal how and why she knows, again.

And that's all i have, i think? This is not nearly as well laid out as i would like. But then, nothing ever is, right?

Also it's not even close to morning anymore. Thank you if you even got this far, and have a good evening!

hi!!! this took me a while to answer, i'm so sorry about that <3

i'm very low on energy today so i cannot summon up the brain energy to respond properly to this, as much as i want to, i'm really sorry for that as well

i love this theory!! it actually fits in really well with canon and makes, like, a LOT of sense now that i think about it. i definitely wouldn't have thought of this on my own, so thank you for sharing this with me!! :D

[tmabigbang]

Masterpost of TMA Big Bang 2020 Fics

To prevent clogging up anyone’s dash, we have put all of these fics under a read more since there are 28 wonderful fics created for this bang, which makes for a bit of a long post! Below the cut are links and summaries to all the fics created for this bang! 

In addition to this post, you can also check out our fic page (which you can find here)! The fic page includes links to all the fics, art, and the team members that helped create them! You can also use some basic filters for rating and oneshot/multichapter to find fics.

Thank you again to all our participants, and we will see you next year!

Your Job’s A Joke (You’re Broke) by @bisexualoftheblade and @desert-lily

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27590578

Summary: Working at the Magnus Institute was stressful by default. With monsters, mayhem, and potential primordial entities, it has very little expectations for being a comfortable job. However, everyone is allowed to have a little fun sometimes - even an archivist, their assistants, and their really creepy boss. Fueled by spite and a rampant lack of heterosexuality, they all try to balance their work life with a bit of fun and a healthy dose of bullying twelve-times divorced Elias Bouchard.

I Know The End by @williammatagot

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27947966

Summary: Except, for all that beautiful poetry, Eliot was wrong, because the world doesn’t end with a bang, sure, but it doesn’t end with a whimper, either. It ends with the distant-yet-deafening voice of the man Martin loves shouting through a ragged, wild throat--I open the door. (The world ends, Jon shatters, and Martin tries to fix it. The house tries, too, in its own way.)

From the Depth of the Spiral by @trickstergod14

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27842941

Summary: Michael had no idea what was going on. He suddenly woke up in the tunnels under the Magnus Institute with no memories of the past seven years after that fateful trip to Sannikov Land. Watch as he slowly spirals into madness, regaining his memories while strengthening his bond with the Distortion along the way. Can he hide all this from the other Archival Assistants? What will happen when Jon wakes up from his coma? And what does the newly crowned Distortion Avatar, Helen, have to do with all this?

Every Word I Say is Kindling (But The Smoke Clears When You’re Around) by @ohnoimdeathing

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27956897

Summary: The unknowing left Jon stirring in the nightmares of others, watching their torment and suffering and making everything worse. He wanted to wake up, to go back to Martin, Tim, Basira, even Daisy. But he didn’t know how to. Until a voice told him to choose Though, to be honest, he doesn’t remember actually making the choice to stay a monster and live rather than be human and die. The only injury the doctors will talk about is his missing eyes, and why are all the doctors Scottish? At least Martin is here.

Spinning ‘Round (like two sides of a coin) by @awayofunderstandingit

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27835756

Summary: Time is a construct. What we know as past, present, and future all exist at the same time, ad infinitum. • Guided not by time but a spoken word poem, follow along the lives of two intertwined souls, Timothy Stoker and Sasha James. The story of their friendship from the time they meet, through growing apart, to when they fall back together, and through their time working at the Magnus Institute. Witness slices of their lives—not memories, memories would suggest the past—as they exist, ad infinitum, even at The End.

retrouvailles by @jet-siquliak

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27818092

Summary: The Magnus Institute burns. The archivist, for all intents and purposes, burned with it. In a dingy hospital room lies what remains - Jonathan sims. weak, powerless, and insignificant. On Jon’s last day in the hospital, Martin awakes from a coma, unscathed. Melanie King kicks the dirt that once housed the institute. Tim stoker wakes up in the middle of nowhere. Elias Bouchard is dead. No one knows where to go from there. Or: the destruction of one home and the making of another.

Still, I’ll Always Keep the Memory by @revolutionnaire-e

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27932125

Summary: [MARTIN turns, stepping out of the shadows towards him. It is blood, not tears. His left eye is not his own. His eyes never shone that blinding green, never shone with such malice or self-satisfied pride.] MARTIN BLACKWOOD Pleasure to see you again, Archivist.

Making Home by @cuddlytogas

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27664805

Summary: After the events in the Panopticon, Jon and Martin rush to leave London. But making their home in an idyllic safe house isn't that easy: between the layer of dust, and Forsaken still clinging to Martin's heels, it could be some time before they reach an understanding.

called your name ‘til the fever broke by @corpsesoldier

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27845161

Summary: Basira made a promise to her partner. At the end of the world, a monster comes and demands she keep it.

assorted family photos by @lesbianbirds

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27903979

Summary: When setting off on a research trip, it is advised that you prepare yourself for certain oddities that may greet you. or; key moments in a world where the entities are weaker and everyone got a bit more therapy

Timothy Stoker’s Guide to Dating by @pezilla

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27841267

Summary: Timothy Stoker has a lot of advice when it comes to matters of the heart, online agony aunt, gossip monger and general love guru. He has a list and he sticks to it. Or he did. That was before he took a job at the Magnus Institute and before he met three of the most fascinating and frustrating people to ever come into his life. Rule #7 under no circumstances fall for a co-worker. Yeah, that rule was starting to become a problem.

Running the Institute by @drowsy-salamander

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27878306

Summary: Caroline Ferguson, the entirety of the Magnus Institute's legal department, is furiously ignoring any weirdness that could be going on in her workplace, from the tech issues to the vanishing colleagues to the everything about Artefact Storage, Caroline will turn a very deliberate blind eye. They're are not her problem. Now if only those murders could also stop.

kindred spirits (not so scarce as I used to think) by @pollylittlehigher-littlelower

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27914821

Summary: An Anne of Green Gables inspired AU, set in modern day England. Jon and Georgie are childhood best friends, but the two stop talking after a falling out. Even doing their best to avoid each other, Georgie struggles to escape him, even while dealing with her own mental health issues and a blossoming romance with her housemate, Melanie. Is Jon truly the kindred spirit she once considered him? Or will the two eventually part ways for good?

Friends of Empty Graves by @artswaps

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27974807

Summary: After the coffin, she cuts her hair. Who is Alice Tonner? People are searching for her in the space she left behind, in the person she was. Daisy looks elsewhere, and tries not to choke.

just let the feeling grow by @ajkal2

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27838447

Summary: Jon is a musician. He plays songs for a living. Except love songs. He doesn't do love songs, and he makes this quite clear with anyone interested in working with him. Except his manager has booked him for a wedding. Without asking. With days before the festivities start, Jon needs help. Desperately. He won't get it from his hosts, the Lukas family. He certainly won't get it from his manager. However, there's a certain amateur poet on the Lukas' staff who has a talent for making love sound genuine.

World Cold and Hard, Moth Boy Warm and Soft by @lcjenkinswriting

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27827491

Summary: Jon, a young moth fairy, leaves the nest in search of a place that feels like home

tapes winding forward by @ghostbustermelanieking

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27858721

Summary: Martin ignores him, stops him mid-sentence to say, "Jon, what have you heard about time travel?" --- Martin and Jon wake up two years in the future. It goes about as well as can be expected.

MAG 26.5: Beach Episode by @ebenrosetaylor

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27882746

Summary: Sasha is aware of the rising tensions in the archives after Martin was stalked by Prentiss and after she had her own encounter with Michael. In an attempt to boost morale and bring them closer together, Tim suggests that they all visit the beach to unwind and get their minds off of all things paranormal. Sasha takes it upon herself to make sure that everyone has fun and relaxes, but she forgets to give herself that luxury.

Rewrite The Rulebook by @radiosandrecordings

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27823774

Summary: "Panic! Bloody panic! I've been out since I was fifteen and never once actually brought someone home. I think I just wanted to seem like I had my life together, y’know? Mainly I just... I think I just wanted someone to be there with me, so I wasn't just alone with her the entire time. A bit of comfort.” There was pause as Martin let out a dramatic sigh, seemingly relieved to ramble out his thoughts. "... I could go with you. If you want."

A Test In Patience by @talking4the1

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27917749

Summary: Elias is going about his day as the new head of the Magnus Institute in 1995. Some spreadsheets to do, meetings to attend mundane and supernatural. Nothing seems out of place until The Eye calls him to Bournemouth.

Of Mothers and Memory by @loverdontleave

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27856585

Summary:  There is a story to be told, of two people, a mother and a son. Of their history together, and the sacrifices they made for each other. Perhaps they loved each other once, but that thread of connection has weakened on one end, fraying away. And it is so, so cold.

Would That I Were Golden Dust by @that-one-girl-behind-you

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27734197

Summary: The world is a lot more dangerous with your soul walking by your side, and Entities aren’t shy about feeding on golden Dust.

Till Death, Parted by @bigowlenergy

Ao3 Link:https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27749680

Summary: Jon gets caught after ripping out Gerry’s page by Trevor & Julia, and through a comedy of errors ends up engaged as an excuse. Somehow, Jon gets out alive, Gerry is freed, and they have the two hunters accompanying them as bodyguards - and as best man and best woman - without a fight. Living alone in Gerry’s London safe house afterwards will be totally fine. Jon is fine. He knows what coping is and everything! Totally fine.

The Spoken Word by @drumkonwords

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802708/chapters/68066326

Summary: Jon wants. Their pinky twitches — stretching and curling to the tune of something musical. The song of wanting, with its motifs of long, low notes. Starting quiet and mumbling up into Jon’s chest until the strings of their heart vibrate like the strings of a double bass and all they can do is wonder who’s tune they’re matching. But they know.

First Aid by @platypik

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27948284

Summary: Jon is certain Martin has been acting strangely all morning. When Martin offhandedly mentions he took a bad tumble off the tube to work, Jon suddenly Knows that the fall had given Martin a nasty fracture. Despite his desperate pleading, Martin stubbornly refuses to let Jon drive him to the hospital. In fact, it seems he would much rather take care of it himself than have Jon worry and fuss over him. Jon would disagree.

Burning Bright, In the Forests of the Night by @triffidsandcuckoos

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27915400

Summary: The safehouse bursts into flames at their backs. You can choose to change the path. Just be ready for what else you might change.

i’ve been static for too long by @furryjefferson

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27887878

Summary: Jonathan Sims ends up with a stranger’s phone on the way home from work. All signs point to the Magnus Institute, and all roads lead to its mysterious archivist: Martin Blackwood.

through the clouds like a moonbeam by @digital-waterfall 

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tmabb20/works/27877402

Summary: After passing through the Vast’s domain, Jon is left with an unexpected surprise-- a pair of wings. Unsurprisingly, Martin finds them beautiful. Also unsurprisingly, Jon does not.

[thecpdiary]

Connecting with our Mental Health

Although Covid-19 is still with us, it is important to start making those connections, to get back into our lives consciously so that we’re living in the present mentally and emotionally. By present I mean living in the moment without your mind wandering to the past, to events that have left you struggling to cope.

Yes, now is the perfect time to consciously connect with your mental health, to think about your emotions, and how you really feel. In our daily lives, how many of us really think about our feelings, about our experiences, how many of us unconsciously tap into our experiences and the feelings we have left behind?

We may tell ourselves we’re okay with our experiences, that we’re coping with our lives, that there is nothing wrong with us, but having been stuck in my own head for years, I know that what we unconsciously think, (the part of the brain that isn’t always open to us) is something we don’t think about.

If we haven’t been thinking about mental health since the start of Covid-19, it won’t be something we’re thinking about now. It’s human nature to ignore the very things we should be dealing with. Now that many of us are getting back into our lives, it would be a good time to address and deal with any outstanding issues, so that we can live more presently.

It is important for us to engage with ourselves on an unconscious level, so that we can commit to our mental and emotional health from a place of openness, and so that we can continue to engage with others, without having to also deal with our baggage.

It is about being able to recognise and understand that what’s happened to you, the good and the bad, it is about a willingness to engage in your own emotional journey to healing. Connecting with our experiences, is based on a foundation of empathy, compassion, and love for yourself. It takes tolerance and patience to come to understand the inner workings of your mind and to co-exist with yourself.

Through insight when you practice learning about yourself, you can start to make choices that serve you in both your personal and professional life. It is very much a mindful and deliberate approach to a life that unifies not only you and how you feel, but also unifies you in fulfilling your life, whether that is for you, or for others you share your life with.

What Covid-19 has shown is that it is important for us to recognise and deal with our emotions that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, that we should live for now and stay present, so that we may continue to flourish.

It has also shown us that we have no control over others’ decisions, but we can choose to make a difference through the support we give to each other, so that we are able to start feeling better. It’s consciously taking that first step. Cerebral Palsy: A Story ‘Finding the Calm After the Storm’ and ‘Spirituality, Healing and Me’ is a good first step to your healing journey.

If you would like to see how my healing journey can also help you, my book is available to buy through Amazon.co.uk just follow the link https://amzn.to/3joXymB – if you live outside of the UK, you can buy a copy through The Book Depository for free international postage https://bit.ly/2X5ae9H

Thank you.

For more inspirational, life-changing blogs, please check out my site https://www.thecpdiary.com

[illegalastrology111]

MAY FORECAST

PLANET:  Jupiter 

SIGN:  Pisces

DATE:  May 14th - July 28th

Jupiter begins its first entry into Pisces May 14th - July 28th, returning December 30th - May 10th 2022.     This aspect could be considered  and  “Alice in Wonderland through the looking glass” transit, whereby, each individual will have to deal with truth/reality, illusion/delusion, in a certain area of life.   A person will choose to think or believe their life situation, people et., are real, secure and trustworthy, only to discover the “veil”  being lifted to reveal flaws, weaknesses, deception and betrayal.     Escapism is another characteristic of this cycle.  Not wanting to face or deal with unpleasant situations/people that really need to be confronted and  “stripped away”, in order for new doors to open bringing new opportunity and people.   

This is not a good cycle to indulge in any type of addictive behaviour or substances excessively that cold be harmful to the immune system, which is ruled by Pisces.    Viruses/poisons too.  In fact Covid-19, could actually increase/spread during this cycle.  Hospitals, large institutions,  feet  and prisons also come under Pisces.    Jupiter is a magnifying glass that highlights the good and the bad in a person or situation.  

This two month transit, if used correctly, gives  \a person what they want, dreams (Pisces) can come true.      A time to be visionary,  using the imagination to create through film, video, social media, fashion and dance.   All very Pisces.   

Venus is a co-ruler of Pisces, when put together represent the highest octave of love in its purest form.  Meaningful and of spiritual depth, which few are able to attain.  The symbol of Pisces, is that of the two fish swimming in opposite directions.  Also, once the symbol of early Christianity, the group known as the Asceenes.  

This isn’t a good time to take people at face value, chances are they maybe hiding something or lying,. It’s just too easy with this transit to be misguided and/or misled.   There’s an added danger of being victimised and used for the benefit of others, which then leads to sorrow and self-undoing, (negative side of Pisces),  wherever Jupiter in Pisces falls in a chart.  

Spirituality is at its best and strongest in Pisces, its ruler.   Therefore,  during the next few weeks, ,not only will dreams and meditations be strong, but also spiritual revelations and a desire to explore the burning questions of life.     Starting a positive spiritual practice is well aspected throughout Jupiter in Pisces.     However, it should be duly noted that delving into the unknown/other side of life can bring tremendous knowledge and guidance if understood and utilised correctly, at the same time realising there’s a danger of “opening the door” to negative forces, if  correct spiritual protection isn’t utilised.

Jupiter in Pisces will highlight all aspects of life to an individual and bring to the forefront truth and reality. Reality believed to exist will gradually dissolve to reveal what is hidden but deep down knew was always there.  Jupiter in Pisces cycles can be best described as follows:

Events throughout history and time have shown there is more to our existence than we realise, more to learn and understand. What ancient secrets lie beneath the surface of our daily experience, that lead one to ask, who am I?  What is  my purpose? And why oh why, is my life like this?

Strange things happen in the Universe of which mortal men rarely dream

The answers lie within.

SUN IN GEMINI

PLANET:  Sun

SIGN:  Gemini

DATE:  May 20th - June 20th

MERCURY RETROGRADE IN GEMINI

PLANET:  Mercury

SIGN:  GEMINI

DATE:  May 29TH - June  22ND

CYCLE:  Retrograde

During this particular cycle, with Mercury also being retrograde in Gemini, May 29th - June 22nd, the chance of mishaps, miscommunication  and misunderstandings will be very high.   Even so, with the Sun in Gemini, it will be a good time to replan projects and ideas, reset them, so they’re better equipped for success.    Two Gemini cycles occurring at the sam time doest happen often, but because of this,  being “tight lipped” is the best option.  Take the time to visit with relatives and siblings, both of which come under this sign.  Plan a trip for relaxation purposes, because over-thinking would be a disaster as Gemini rules the mind and thoughts too.    A good time to reflect.   

However, as Gemini is ruled by Mercury, representing the arms, lungs, hands and nervous system, these areas will be sensitive. Mercury also known as quicksilver, will bring a sense of speed and urgency to everything, but with the retrograde in Gemini too this would be a bad idea.  The chances of things falling apart, being muddled and scattered is likely.  People will e indecisive and probably a bit two faced - the duality of  Gemini.  

Gemini is a mutable air sign changeable, loving new experiences and very versatile. Once focused  Gemini will get the job done in record time.  Have patience during these two cycles, otherwise it will be a case of two steps forward and one step back. 

FULL MOON LUNAR ECLIPSE IN SAGITTARIUS

PLANET:  Moon

SIGN: Sagittarius

CYCLE:  Full Moon Lunar Eclipse

DATE::  May 26th @ 7.14am

May is going to be a pivotal month in may ways with iso many aspects and retrogrades occurring  week after week, June too.    This Lunar Eclipse indicates a change of course,  “burning of bridges”,  that have to be removed in order for a new path to be set.    A time to step back and rethink the way life has been going so far and all the choices made.  

In addition, certain beliefs pertaining to the way life should be will probably have to be relinquished as events paint a very different picture.    Honesty with self and others is required as attachments are severed and a new path is forged.   Legal matters also, could come t a certain conclusion.  

Diving into the unknown isn’t easy for most, but this Full Moon Lunar Eclipse is sending a message, to trust the Universe, it’s signs and guidance.   Those with the “eyes to see” and the “ears to hear”,  will be the ones to make it through the hurdles they face that seem insurmountable, in preparation for the New Moon Solar Eclipse in Gemini , next month.

SATURN RETROGRADE IN AQUARIUS

PLANET:  Saturn

SIGN:  Aquarius

CYCLE:  Retrograde

DATE:  May 23rd - October 10th

Saturn begins its retrograde cycle as May comes to close,  joining Mercury and Pluto.    Throughout this transit the stability and security of unique talents, abilities, hopes, wishes, friendships, groups/humanitarian concerns will be “tested”.   In addition, technology, scientific and space advancements will be found to be flawed in some way.     People in authority and power will not be so willing to agree to suggestions or proposals until Saturn has moved forward.    If a new promotion is started during this retrograde, efforts will bring little praise or positive outcomes.    This is not a good time to move forward with goals/ambitions,  planning is best suited for this particular cycle, without at least rethinking restructuring plans.  

Going back to complete unfinished business is another part of this retrograde, as well as getting in touch with people from the past to clean up unresolved issues, even if it’s a temporary situation.  

The danger o trying to enforce anything new during this transit, is that everything has the potential  to later collapse because attention to detail was missing.  Having the courage to go it alone is another aspect of this retrograde.    Whatever is restricting the “birth” of unique abilities  and standing out amongst peers should be looked at confronted and overcome between May 23rd - October 10th.  

The Universe provides all the tools to succeed and accomplish, with discipline and responsibility, empowering a person to break tradition using discernment. Change (Aquarius)m will happen at the right time (Saturn) and place. Patience and perseverance are key attributes of this retrograde.

[heresince93]

Gillian Anderson Sunday Times Interview Transcript

There is a moment in the second series of Netflix’s Sex Education when Gillian Anderson’s character, Jean, sighs a deep resigned sigh as she is lying in bed one morning and spots the messy pile of small change her latest lover, Jakob, has left on her bedside table.

It’s my favourite moment of this uplifting show about the tangled love lives of British secondary school teens that manages to appeal to both parents and adolescents alike. Anderson plays the outrageously inappropriate sex therapist Jean Milburn, a stylish, confident single mother.

The sight of those coins will resonate with any woman of Anderson’s age and stage of life (she is 51), whatever kind of relationship they are in.These pennies, a symbol of how untidy life gets and the constant imposing presence of someone else even when they aren’t in the room, represent for Jean the gradual realisation that the excitement of a new love soon becomes tempered by the boring bits.

For those of us who have been married a while, the coins are perhaps the equivalent of the dull domesticity of picking up the shirt always dropped on the floor or the wet towels you always end up refolding after your teens have left them near but not on the bathroom radiator. Anderson and I chat about this a lot when we meet to talk about the second series of Sex Education, given that we are both working mothers in our early fifties.

The actress, who is most recognised for her role as Scully in The X-Files, is twice divorced and has three children, Piper, 25, Oscar, 13, Felix, 11, all of whom live with her in London. Her partner of three years is the playwright, screenwriter and creator of The Crown, Peter Morgan, himself a father of five.

In person Anderson is chatty and witty, aloof and friendly at the same time, a peculiarly feline trait that I often encounter in driven, confident women who have reached midlife. Tell me about Jakob and the coins, I say, what is it like starting a new relationship in your forties, compared with your twenties?

“It’s very different,” she says. “I think you are more fully formed, especially if you have taken time out of previous relationships to find yourself.

“Early on after the break-up of my last relationship and before my current one, somebody encouraged me to write a list of needs and wants in a future partner. Needs are non-negotiable. If you go on a date with someone and realise they won’t meet, say, three of those needs, then they are not the person for you. It may last as a relationship, but it won’t make you happy. Wants are easier, not more frivolous per se, but easier to deliver. Doing this made it clear to me going forward who would be good for me in a relationship.

“And there is a new creativity nowadays to what a relationship should look like, too. For instance, my partner and I don’t live together. If we did, that would be the end of us. It works so well as it is, it feels so special when we do come together. And when I am with my kids, I can be completely there for them. It’s exciting. We choose when to be together. There is nothing locking us in, nothing that brings up that fear of ‘Oh gosh, I can’t leave because what will happen to the house, how will we separate?’. I start to miss the person I want to be with, which is a lovely feeling. And it is so huge for me to be able to see a pair of trousers left lying on the floor at my partner’s house and to step over them and not feel it is my job to do something about it!”

I’ve never interviewed a celebrity who, even though she is wearing heels (little pointy white boots) is still shorter than me (I’m barely 5ft 2in), but Anderson is tiny. This is only important to note, I think, because her roles since Dana Scully have been so big and so powerful: Blanche in A Street Car Named Desire and Margo Channing in All About Eve on stage; Lady Mountbatten in the film Viceroy’s House; Stella Gibson in The Fall; and now Jean Milburn.

I wonder if she is perhaps filed under “tricky, unpredictable, charismatic, spiky, intelligent and fearless woman” in the casting director’s directory of suitable roles. After all, her next part is going to be Margaret Thatcher (in The Crown). And when she arrives for our chat in the closed Chinese restaurant of a central London hotel, she apologises for the sticky mess in her hair caused by wearing the Iron Lady’s wig the previous day. Her nails are manicured pale pink like Thatcher’s too.

“She had a condition that meant two fingers of each hand would curl around — Reagan had it too — so it affected her gestures and she would wear lots of rings and bracelets to distract. But she kept her nails long, which is how I have to keep them now,” Anderson says. She is fascinated by Thatcher, concluding, after studying her childhood, that “nobody ever existed like her. She was unique.”

Anderson might be unique herself, and despite giving many interviews (three last year), I see that she has been smart and managed to remain a bit of an enigma. When I listen back to the tape, she is very good at general talk, but not so hot on specifics.

She spent her early years in north London with her American parents before going back to Michigan for high school. She was a teenage punk plagued by panic attacks that have continued to trouble her over the years, particularly during her intense work schedule on The X-Files. She went into therapy at 14, then became world famous at 25, and had her first child at 26 (the same age her parents had her, before going on to have her two siblings 12 years later). She split up with her first husband three years after that.

In 2011 she endured the death of her brother, Aaron, aged 30, from a brain tumour, which she rarely discusses. She is an impressive activist, campaigning for a variety of issues including women’s rights in Afghanistan, Burma, South Africa, Uganda and South America. There are 10 charities she has worked with listed on her website, and in 2017 she co-wrote We: A Manifesto for Women Everywhere, a well-received book of advice for women. She has also designed two small fashion collections for Winser London, which include some gorgeous silky blouses. I found I had three in my wardrobe without knowing they were hers.

She is a Bafta nominee and Golden Globe winner, and Neil Gaiman, who cast her in the TV series of his book American Gods, said: “She is in this strange place where everything exists in the shadow of Scully, yet she is bigger and better than that.”

When I listen to her 2003 Desert Island Discs, though, she tells a darker story. In between Radiohead and Jeff Buckley, she talks of troubled mental health that she has worked ferociously hard to improve. She has been in therapy for more than 30 years.

Anderson tells me she has been teetotal since her early twenties and despite some mild probing on my part is reluctant to elaborate on exactly why. I understand. She has soon-to-be teenage children who don’t need to know about any of the “dangerous things” she has done, as she described them to Sue Lawley.

I’m fascinated by Anderson and can see why she was the perfect person to cast as the quirky, funny therapist Jean in Sex Education, which really hits its stride in the second series. While still a comedy at heart, the subject matter tackled by its fantastic young cast is revelatory. Sex Education is one of the first productions to hire an intimacy director to make the young actors feel comfortable and process what they were doing, often naked in front of multiple cameras, to be happy and authentic about what they did and feel they had input.

Anal sex, drugs, masturbation, STDs and nudity feature graphically in this show, which I would advise all parents and teens to watch, though not at the same time — only Jean would do that. When I interview Anderson I have yet to see the finale, but Jean’s journey is that of many women in the middle of their lives after divorce with teenage children.

“There’s a grief, isn’t there?” Anderson says as we discuss the menopause. “I haven’t quite got to the place where I don’t have my eggs, but your body is going to mourn that, isn’t it? I remember the very last time I breastfed and it was heartbreaking. I wept and wept through it.

“And I know people who describe particularly difficult periods at home without realising they are describing their mothers going through the menopause.

“We’re all at the point where we’re kicking off just as our teenage children are kicking off. I was looking at some home videos of Piper when she was three and wondering where all my patience came from in my twenties. I have forgotten that version of me.”

She says she doesn’t feel quite ready for her two boys to become teenagers, but sometimes Jean slips into their conversations at home.

“I find myself saying something embarrassing at the dinner table and I don’t know if it is me or if Jean has given me the licence to say that. Maybe I have always been that way, though. Some of what she shares is too much information. I wouldn’t share it, even with my eldest in her twenties. But my son came home after having a sex education class and I completely clammed up. I couldn’t bring myself to continue the conversation. I just let it die. I really don’t know why.”

Over the years Anderson has tried to schedule her roles to fit in with her children, but like many of us who have devoted much of our time to careers, she still lives with nagging doubts about doing the right thing.

How did you deal with a small child while filming back-to-back episodes of The X-Files for 16 hours a day, I ask, especially when you decided to go it alone as a mum. “I missed her, really so much. Those moments when you see a small child in the street when you are apart from yours and the conversation just drops, it’s hard. She was on a plane a lot when she was six and we moved production to the West Coast. I justified that, I mean it was selfish on my part. I just could not imagine being away from her for long periods of time.

“I became obsessed with schedules, and I still am because of that time. I would plan and colour-code everything, make a series of propositions about schedules so I could see her, and the show would either reject or accept them.

“With the boys the longest I have been away from them was during the two X-Files movies, but again I would be travelling constantly to see them.”

I ask her if she regrets working so hard. “Not yet,” she says. “I have a feeling that will come. I definitely feel like on a level I do regret Piper flying back [to her dad, when she was six] as an unaccompanied minor.” We sit in silence for a bit, mulling over the thought.

“But there’s another version of my life where I could have worked less, had a smaller life and been more present as a parent. I could have chosen that, that could happen. But sometimes it feels like why would you, if you keep getting work as an actor, doing things you dreamt of doing and being offered incredible roles at this age, while paying the bills, and you still get to see them a huge percentage of the time and they witness a mother enjoying her work?”

She has talked to her daughter about it, but says Piper is not yet at the place where the lightbulb goes on and she realises Mum was still up at 6am the days she faced 16 hours of work to be with her, or those days we all have when we are still on the edge of the sports pitch, despite the demands of a job.

But Anderson is an all-or-nothing personality. She tells me she is either on a healthy eating plan, meditating and working out or hiding like a hermit at home eating chocolate. She has been plagued by frozen shoulders all her life, leading to months of pain-filled insomnia and cortisone injections.

“My default position is sedentary,” she tells me when I ask about her meditating and yoga right now. “I like being in bed in my PJs. When I’m working, like right now, I seem to exist mostly on chocolate. Then I go through a stage when I feel dreadful and I review it all and start a food plan, torture myself counting shots of milk and all that.

“In the cycle of all or nothing, I am in the nothing phase right now. It has gone on for quite some time, but I think I am better to be around. I was having lunch with my daughter and we were just, you know, eating, not asking for stuff without oils or sugar, and she said, ‘It’s so much better when you are not in that place.’ ”

I’ve enjoyed my hour with Anderson; she is likeable and thoughtful. I sort of hope we’ll meet again one day. It’s unlikely she’ll read the interview; she has said before that she rarely does. So what do I think as I walk away from her? I’m impressed by her curious nature and, obviously, her sense of style, a blueprint for us all at this stage of life, but mostly I’m inspired by her strong sense of self. It has obviously taken quite a bit of work for her to get there, but from what I can see, it has been worth it.

@GillianA

Sex Education series 2 is available on Netflix from Friday

Hair: James Rowe at Bryant Artists. Make-up: Mary Greenwell at Premier Hair and Make-up. Nails: Saffron Goddard at Saint Luke using Sisley Hand Care

[softyoongiionly]

Tea and Tourniquets-The Truth ☕️

There is something living in the forest beyond your village, something evil, something ancient. The only known survivor of this evil is a reclusive healer by the name of Min Yoongi. Rumor has it though, that the herbalist hermit may, in fact, be the evil himself.

Summary: You were told never to venture into the forest after dark. Stories of people going missing and, an ancient darkness, keep most of your quaint village paralyzed with fear. However, after another disappearance, you decide to do the unthinkable and, search for the answers yourself.

The darkness is real…and it’s alive.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Word Count: 5.5k

Genre: Supernatural! Yoongi, Fantasy Au, Tsundere! Yoongi, fluff, angst, smut throughout the story, slightly spooky

Warnings: slight spooky-ness? lmao thats not a word, references to death/dark themes, future smut, moderate angst

A/N: In this chapter Y/N finally learns the answers to all of her burning questions. Unfortunately, this only makes things more complicated...

^^^Read Chapter One here x^^^

“I apologize…” Yoongi’s crisp voice fills the space of his kitchen effortlessly.

He’s leaning against the doorway; fingers pulling the cuffs of his sleeves over his hands to shield him from the cool breeze coming through the window.

You’ve been in his kitchen for quite some time now and, have spent the last two hours crying and, exploring the room.

You didn’t want to leave it. You didn’t want to face him again, his words had destroyed you.

Yoongi can feel himself growing more and more nervous, his chest tightening with every passing second of your silence.

“Hu-I mean….Y/N?” He calls to you, trying to soften his tone significantly

You sniffle, wiping the remnants of your tears on your sweater, still not turning to face him, “My parents were not naïve and foolish Yoongi. They were brave and selfless…”

He nods, pursing his lips, prepared to take the blame for his behavior, “I was out of line, I’m truly sorry…you have to understand, I…” Yoongi sighs, agony present on his pointy face, he takes a cautious step towards you, “I’ve spent so many years alone, my social skills are lacking….severely. What I said, was wrong, inexcusable but, I assure you, I didn’t mean it…”

Another sniffle and, Yoongi’s chest grows tighter at the thought of making you cry.

“How many more days until you take me back?”

His eyes close, sensing your distance, “Roughly two and a half days…your foot is healing rather well…”

You nod, turning towards him and, Yoongi feels the tension in his chest finally snap as he gets a look at your swollen eyes and dejected expression.

“I’ll stay out of your way until then…” Using the counter as support, you make the move to leave your seat before Yoongi pipes up again, desperation in his tone.

“Don’t you want the truth?” He insists, tempted to reach out to you, tempted to beg for your forgiveness…

You shrug, peering at him, the tone of your voice soured by sadness, “What’s the point? You said it yourself, it wouldn’t make a difference.”

“I don’t know if it would...” He concedes and, his tone is softer than ever, “but, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know. Please, I’m…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Y/N. I should have never spoken ill of your parents. If they were anything like you they…”

At this, you perk up slightly, sensing the beginnings of a compliment. Yoongi struggles momentarily, letting a breath leave his lips before he peers into your eyes.

“…they must have been great.”

Your brows rise, “I find it hard to believe that you think I’m great Yoongi, considering the way you’ve treated me so far…”

A humorless laugh rushes past his lips.

“Yes well, my kind isn’t exactly known for our emotional displays. We aren’t taught such things…”

Slowly, you shift back onto the barstool, looking at Yoongi expectantly, your heartrate increasing at the thought of finally learning the truth.

“What are you known for then?”  

Yoongi nods, taking a deep breath before moving towards the barstool beside you, “May I?”

“It’s your house…” You point out, sustaining your distant demeanor.

He chuckles, nodding at your response before hopping up and, facing you.  

He looks nervous, a stark contrast to his previous behavior.

“Before I answer your question, I have to explain something to you…” Yoongi begins, shaking a bit of his messy hair out of his face. “The universe is an enormous place; some believe that it’s never ending, there are other worlds beyond the one you know…”  

You keep silent, eager for him to get to the point.  

“However, there are worlds that co-exist in a cluster of sorts; dimensions that are related in some way. There are two in particular that reside very close to your world. “

“Heaven and hell?” You guess but, Yoongi shakes his head, his patience prepared for the confusion you might experience.

“They are called many different names by your kind but, no human has ever managed to get it quite right. Although, the concept is somewhat similar. There is a world known as Paradise, it is where those who lived good lives ascend to after they have passed. The concept of religion in the human world is largely inaccurate, there are no requirements for entering Paradise aside from the soul, human or otherwise, being decent during their time on Earth.”

You attempt to take in the surreal bit of information and, refrain from asking the 400 questions that just appeared in your brain and, settle on one instead, “…and the other world?”  

“The other world is known as Beneath.; a place that hosts darker souls: some of which are corrected and, some of which are destroyed. “

There is another increase in your heartrate but, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t captivated.  

“That’s where you’re from isn’t it?”  

At this Yoongi chuckles humorlessly, the slight smirk on his mouth not reaching his eyes, “I don’t really give off the Paradise essence do I?”

A smile tugs at your mouth and, you shake your head shamelessly,

“Not at all.”

“There are creatures who serve in both worlds. Contrary to human interpretation, Beneath and Paradise aren’t at war, we both play our part and, we work together to ensure balance in this world and, the afterworld. The last known human in my family died over 2,000 years ago and, for many years, we have served Beneath.”  

“So, you’re not human anymore? Or you were human? I don’t understand…”

Yoongi shakes his head, slightly regretting that he has to be the one to explain all of this to you, “There are different species that live in these worlds: humans, vampires, werewolves, pixies, mermaids, most of the supernatural entities you’ve heard of. When they die, they either ascend to Paradise or they don’t. If they are assigned to be corrected in Beneath, they must undergo a rehabilitation of the soul, to pay for the misgivings on Earth. Once that is accomplished, they are free to go. However, some souls, like my family, choose to stay and serve in Beneath. They evolve over time to become less and less prone to the clumsiness of being their initial species until finally, they reach a heightened state. It is similar to what happens in Paradise. Those who choose to serve in protecting the balance become empowered by the universe itself…”

“Like angels and demons?”  

Yoongi rolls his eyes, “I’m not a fan of the verbiage but, yes I suppose that is what humans call us. Although, in the afterlife, we work towards the same goal: angels and demons work together. My kind don’t go around terrorizing humans and, trying to possess their souls. We do the messier work in the afterworld, the work no one else wants to do.”

“Then what was that bit about you consuming human souls then?” You accuse, pointing your finger at him

He chuckles but, this time the smile reaches his eyes, you try not to notice how sweet it is…

“Ah yes well, that was to scare you. I can assure you, no one can consume a soul, it doesn’t work like that…”

“But Jimin said-“

Yoongi cuts you off, a smirk on his face now, “Jimin is a rotten little siren who would lie through his teeth just for the fun of it. He’s harmless though, he was a bit of deviant when he was alive but, nothing like what he told you. Sirens are mischievous creatures and, while yes, some of them consume human flesh, most of them pirate money and other goods, they feed off of all types of energies... He did tell you the truth about one thing though…”

“What?”  

“…that I am someone they fear…”

The breath you’re holding catches in your throat but, you don’t lose your expectant expression.  

“The souls who don’t ascend, are sent to the court of Beneath. There, they stand before a judge, known as The Reaper, and receive their fate. They are either assigned correction or their soul is destroyed forever…” He pauses and, flit his black eyes to yours, “I am the one who decides…”

You nod in understanding, biting your lip to ease the tension you feel in your bones.

“The Reaper?”

Yoongi nods solemnly, trying to gauge your reaction, “Yes."

“What are you doing here then? Shouldn’t you be down there…in Beneath?”

“Well,” He breathes, discomfort taking over his face, “that is a different issue entirely. My father, he had this post before I did. He worked as the Reaper for hundreds of years before he finally retired to Paradise. He wasn’t…” He struggles to find the proper word, “…very popular in Beneath.  He was strict and showed very little mercy towards those who stood before him.  He believed very few souls actually qualified for correction and, destroyed…millions of them.”  

The pain on Yoongi’s face is becoming obvious now; you can tell this information is difficult to share.  

“When I took the post, I wanted things to be different. I didn’t want to send souls to destruction unless they lived truly wicked lives. My father didn’t approve of my methods but, for a long time, it was working. You can imagine, Beneath is not a very popular place of work. It doesn’t have the same charm as Paradise but, souls were getting corrected left and right and, more and more of them were staying behind to serve in Beneath. “  

He looks out the bay window over the kitchen sink, his beautiful features ridden with imminent signs of despair. You brace yourself for the rest of his explanation.  

“There was a man who came to me one day, roughly three centuries ago.” Yoongi still hasn’t turned his gaze back to you, not willing to face you, “There was nothing striking about him at first but, I could tell he wasn’t human. According to his record, he had been a sorcerer who spent most of his life dabbling in dark magic and, using his powers to benefit himself. He pleaded with my council and I, he told us he had been lead down the wrong path. There was nothing on his record that struck me as particularly evil; it mainly consisted of excessive gambling and con-artistry.  I had never seen anyone look so terrified…”  

He takes a deep breath, his hand coming up to rub behind his neck, his gaze still far away from you.  

“My council and I deliberated on him for some time but, finally I…I convinced them to save him. He was assigned a harsh sentence, 22 years but, he seemed overjoyed with our judgement. When souls pass on, they are able to travel freely between our worlds and, the human world however, when a soul is undergoing correction, they must be accompanied with their guardian to ensure they aren’t meddling with unsuspecting humans.”

“Wait, when souls travel to the human world, can humans interact with them? Wouldn’t that mean that death is kind of temporary?” You interject, trying your best to comprehend all of the information.

Yoongi finally turns back to you, smirking fondly, his eyes holding something you can’t quite decipher, “Humans can’t interact with departed souls directly. However, there are particular humans who can see  them, humans like you for instance…”

You feel a certain way under Yoongi’s current gaze but for now you push it aside, taking a moment to get another question answered, “Why were you only surprised when I could see Jimin? Aren’t you also a departed soul?”

“Well, this is where things get a little complicated. Life continues after death. My family has lived and continued to reproduce in Beneath for centuries. I was born there so, my soul has never departed. Those of us who were born from evolved families, the families who serve the afterlife, we are afforded the powers our parents have and, we are taught from an early age to refine them. One of these abilities happens to be human interaction. We are considered responsible enough to be seen by the human race as it’s expected that we won’t interfere with their world excessively.”  

“That makes sense…I’m sorry I interrupted your story, you were saying something about the man not being able to come to the human world without a guide.”  

Yoongi nods, taking another deep breath, “The man was assigned to one of my best correctors and, one of my…dearest friends Hoseok. If it weren’t for his dirty mind, Hoseok would have fit perfectly into Paradise but, his family has also served Beneath for centuries. He is…” He takes another breath, a much shakier one, “…he is remarkable.”

He begins picking at his nails, looking down at his hands as he continues, “As far as I knew, things were going well. Hoseok was reporting great progress and, I could visibly see the man’s soul becoming lighter and lighter. I considered it a huge success until…”

The picking ceases and, Yoongi closes his eyes for a moment, looking ashamed, “…until he escaped.”

You want to reach out to him but, you’re not sure if you can, instead you inquire with a gentle tone,  

“Escaped to where?”

“The human world. Your forest, the one that borders your village, it’s the launch pad we use to travel between our worlds and, the human world. It’s a powerful place and, it knows whether or not a soul has permission to travel. However, this man found a way to slip through undetected. Once he arrived, his true intentions were revealed…”

His gaze is back to the window but, he can feel your eyes on him and, the guilt he’s tried to suppress for so long is overflowing in is chest.  

“There is a spell known to only the most powerful sorcerers, it’s so wicked that we are discouraged from saying its name. The spell can only be performed by a sorcerer who has passed on to the afterworld and, somehow made it back. Once this is completed and, if the spell is done correctly, the sorcerer will be granted with universal power. When this man reached the forest, he attempted the spell and, it backfired immensely. He was powerful enough to deceive us but, not powerful enough to complete the spell. It destroyed his soul and, left The Nahbbun behind. They are a manifestation of his greed and, his wickedness.”

You nod, feeling some relief that you finally know the truth but, the devastation on Yoongi’s face distracts you from any positivity.  

“When word got back to us that the man had escaped, people began to question my authority. I didn’t blame them. I still don’t. I should have known better, I shouldn’t have trusted so easily. I spoke with my council and, decided to step down temporarily to manage the damage the sorcerer inflicted. I vowed to them that I would find a cure and, return home but, as you might have guessed, I have yet to be successful and because of this, the portal between our worlds has been temporarily closed. This curse has inflicted so much damage…I will never be able to make up for what I’ve done but, I will spend the rest of eternity trying.”  

He looks as though he’s about to cry so, you finally give in to the urge to touch him and, place your hand over his. His skin is much warmer than you expect and, you marvel at the smooth texture of his fingers as you curl your own around his.  

Yoongi jolts slightly at your touch, the sensation completely foreign to him, he feels as though he’s been shocked.

“Yoongi, what happened here is not your fault…” You assure sincerely, trying to get him to look at you

“It is Y/N, I am responsible for ensuring that the right souls are destroyed so, they can’t hurt anyone anymore and, look what’s happened I-“

You cut him off, “You couldn’t have known what would happen, you were just trying to give him a second chance. You can’t put all of this on yourself, not when you had the best intentions. He fooled you and, he fooled your council too…there is no crime in seeing the best in people, it’s a great quality to have.”

Yoongi decides that he wants to have your hand on his for the next thousand years but, he pulls away instead because, denying his own desires is kind of something he’s been taught to do.

“But, your parents, the young boy, Y/N they are all dead because of me, because I can’t find a cure…because I couldn’t do my job.”

“The blood is not on your hands Yoongi. This was the work of someone evil. Besides, you’ve been serving my village for years, curing the sick. You’ve saved so many lives, both mine and my grandfathers…you can’t diminish all of your work…”

A breathy laugh leaves his lips then, glossy eyes flitting up to yours, “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, your latter statement isn’t entirely true…”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t save your grandfathers life Y/N, I tried to kill him…” He chuckles, his dark eyes alight with a memory. Yoongi notices your apprehension, holding a hand up to you before you can interject, “He didn’t meet me as a young boy. He came looking for me when he found out I left my post.”

“Wait but-“

Yoongi chuckles again shaking his head, “Your grandfather isn’t from the human world Y/N, he has served in the afterworld alongside my family for many years. He was a friend of mine and, when I left Beneath, he came to the human world to look for me, fearing that I had made a mistake. He came to my cottage and, because I was so wound up at the time, I nearly killed him with my defensive spell.” Yoongi smirks at the memory, clearly holding a bit of fondness for your grandfather, “When he came to, I apologized and, we talked for quite some time. He couldn’t convince me to come home but, he decided to stay in the human world for a while to watch over me….”

Your mouth is ajar as Yoongi finishes up yet another explanation, “So, what you’re saying is…my grandfather isn’t 71?”

For the first time since you’ve met Yoongi, you hear him laugh: a full bellied, rickety, head thrown back laugh; it’s a pretty beautiful sound.

You can’t help but, laugh along with him. The sheer volume and complexity of the information has made the room so heavy over the past hour, a joke, no matter how ridiculous is much needed.  

Yoongi wipes a tear from the corner of his eye, shaking his head at you, his laughter winding down, “Not quite, no. Your grandfather is older than me. He’s part of a different bloodline in Beneath, he’s served for a least a millennia...”

“What about my mother? Was she like him too?”  

“As far as I know, your grandfather lived a solitary life up until he met your grandmother. He was always supposed to go back to Beneath but, he stayed to raise a family with her.” Yoongi sighs, “I warned him that if he didn’t share certain things with her, their time together would be limited but, he never wanted to taint her human experience. Your mother would have contained a small portion of your grandfather’s abilities which she may have passed to you; that would explain your ability to see Jimin…”  

A deep breath is pulled from your chest and, let out slowly through your lips. You feel very overwhelmed by the truth but, you’re grateful that you have it.  

Looking at Yoongi, you realize you may have been wrong about him. He wasn’t a rude, creepy, shut in; he was a man with an immense burden, a burden he isn’t sure he can fulfill. You don’t really think as you slide off of the barstool and wrap your arms around Yoongi’s narrow shoulders.  

“I’m sorry…”  You murmur into his neck, causing a shiver to run down Yoongi’s spine.

He’s never been hugged before…

“Uhh-“ He tenses up at your gesture, fists locking up at his waist but, you don’t take offense. You don’t imagine he does a lot of hugging, “…for what?”

“For everything…for all of the things you’ve had to endure, alone. I had no idea…” You give him the best hug you have in you, knowing full well that he wasn’t going to reciprocate.

The sentiment touches Yoongi’s heart but, the sentiment combined with your embrace is really doing a number on his resolve; he isn’t sure how to act.  

“An apology isn’t necessary…” He grumbles but he doesn’t move away from you, not just yet.

You don’t respond but, slowly you pull away, holding his gaze for a moment, your hands still resting on his shoulders.

“You’ve done so much for the universe. Don’t let this be your defining moment.” You urge, offering a small smile.  

Only 3-4 seconds pass before Yoongi feels heat upon his cheeks; he decides it’s a good time to move away from you, lest he burst into flames…

“You’re…uh-“ He scratches behind his ear, feeling very small all of the sudden, “you’re a lot like your grandfather…”

Fondness blooms in your heart and, it’s not just at Yoongi’s comment about your grandfather.  

“Why is that?”  

He smirks, more to himself as he taps his fingers nervously against the counter, “The two of you are quite whimsical.”

A puff of air leaves your nose, “I believe you used a different word earlier…”

The fond smirk doesn’t leave his face. Yoongi admires your wit; it’s one of the first things he observed about you.  

He concedes, holding his hands up, “I envy your ability to have a positive outlook on the future. I shouldn’t have described it as naivety.”  

“I can understand why, you’ve lived a very long time, I’m sure I wouldn’t be so optimistic if I’ve endured what you have…” You sympathize as your eyes flit to the length and elegance of Yoongi’s fingers; you wish you didn’t notice things like that…

“I haven’t lived that long…” He grumbles, resisting the urge to smile when you giggle at his response.

“You’re seven hundred and twenty seven…”  

He rolls his eyes, “That’s nothing compared to people in my world, there are beings so old that they don’t even bother counting anymore. I’m practically an infant…”

You bite back a fond smile as you pat his shoulder gently, “I can see the resemblance.”  

Yoongi scoffs, his eyes widening in offense, “I don’t look like an infant, I’m just saying that I could be-oh wait…you’re doing that thing that humans do…the thing with the humor…”

A giggle bubbles past your lips, “The thing with the humor? You mean a joke?”  

His face turns up in revelation, “Ah yes, that’s the word, a joke, you’re joking…”

“Do you not…joke in Beneath?”  

He shrugs, his head tilting back and forth in consideration, “It’s not a common practice no, Beneath isn’t known for its frivolous displays of emotion, most of us are quite serious as we have very important jobs to do.”

“Sounds bleak…”  

He chuckles, chewing on the inside of his lips as he nods, “It can be.” His eyes flit over your body momentarily before taking note of how long you’ve been speaking, “You need to eat soon and, I need to redress the wound across your ribs…”

You nod, feeling the gnawing pull of hunger in your lower gut; you haven’t been eating as much since you’ve been in Yoongi’s presence but, now that some of your curiosity has been sated, you feel as though you haven’t eaten in weeks.  

“I’m starving…” You lament, holding your stomach in demonstration and, Yoongi quickly nods in response, moving off of the barstool and around the counter.  

“I’ll make you something…there’s another change of clothes in the den. I’ll tend to your wound after you’re finish dressing and, then we will eat.”  

You resist the fond smile attempting to inch its way onto your face as Yoongi pushes up the sleeves of his peasant blouse, his eyes narrowing in focus when he tries to figure out what to make you.  

“Hey…” You murmur, his dark eyes flitting to yours, “…do you think my grandfather did this on purpose?”  

Something flashes in Yoongi’s eyes as he ponders your question, a ghost of a smirk edging at his lips, “You think he sent you here?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me…” You laugh, feeling a tightness in your chest, “he’s a mischievous man…”

Yoongi chuckles, immediately nodding in agreement, “I suppose it wouldn’t surprise me either. At the very least, he knew I would find you. He would never have sent you to your death like that. Although, I’m not quite sure why he would send you to me; this forest is no place for humans…”

You smirk, moving towards the door, “Maybe he thought you needed a friend.”

And with that, you shut the door but, not before you catch Yoongi blushing furiously at your comment.  

“We’re not friends…” He grumbles to himself but, as soon as you leave the room, he smiles, gums and all.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yoongi spends quite a bit of time in the kitchen before he beckons you to dinner. He’s gone all out, roasted meat, steamed vegetables which are seasoned to perfection, an herb and garlic sauce that is so exquisite you could have eaten it all on its own, freshly baked bread and, a batch of apple rose puffs with pink lemonade frosting.

It was, without a doubt, the most delicious meal you’ve ever had the pleasure of eating. You spent most of the meal complimenting Yoongi on his cooking abilities and, although he was back to his old grumpy self, you caught him smiling a few times at your comments. The energy between the two of you has shifted significantly but, Yoongi still has a firm grasp on his guard.  

After dinner, he leads you into the den, explaining that as soon as the sky goes completely black, he will be leaving the cottage as he usually does every night.  

You take this opportunity to ask another question, “Where do you go every night?”  

As he ensures that you’re comfortably seated on the couch, he purses his lips, deciding whether or not to tell you, “Since the portal is closed, the departed souls must wait to be ushered into the afterlife manually, versus travelling through the portal themselves. Every night, I open the portal to allow them entry. I spend the rest of the night trying various spells and incantations…to try and exterminate the Nahbbun…”  

A bit of panic creeps into your stomach, “Wait…isn’t that dangerous? You go out there alone?”

Yoongi chuckles at the panic in your voice, a rather arrogant smirk finding its way onto his mouth, “The Nahbbun can’t harm me; they can only feed from human energy. The only aspect that makes my time in the forest so difficult is that they often hide from me…”

This amazes you. You’ve never seen anything more terrifying in your life and, the fact that Yoongi has the ability to send such creatures into hiding…it really affirms his power.  

“Have you ever managed to exterminate them?”  

He nods, his eyes flitting eagerly to the door, “Of course, I’ve killed thousands over the years but, it doesn’t seem to help. It’s like they’re reproducing...”  

His last comment sparks something within your brain; the mystery of the forest has always intrigued you but, now that you’re aware of the logistics, your curiosity only burns brighter.  

“Get some rest hu-“ He catches himself, chuckling as you shoot a glare his way, “Get some rest Y/N, I think you’ve had enough excitement for the day…”

With a defeated sigh, you nod, resisting the urge to argue with him; he’s already told you so much.  

He grabs his cloak off of the coatrack by the door, slinging it over his small frame. Yoongi eyes flit to the staircase, “Jimin! I’m leaving for the night, Y/N will be resting so, I expect you to be on your best behavior, especially after what happened last night…”

At Yoongi’s command, you hear a twinkling giggle, followed by the pitter-patter of feet before a voice appears behind you, “You should lower your expectations my lord but, considering the fact that you went and told her the truth about everything, I’m able to have much fun with her anymore am I?”

Yoongi shoots a pointed look Jimin’s way, “You’re not here for fun, you’re here to learn. Did you finish the work I assigned to you?”

Jimin rolls his eyes, leaning carelessly against the back of the couch, “Yes your majesty. I finished it this morning whilst you were groveling at Y/N’s feet.”

The siren snickers, eyes shifting from a dark brown to a brilliant blue; he really is such an interesting creature.  

Yoongi rolls his eyes, pointing a finger to the top of the stairs, “Back to your room before I turn you into a cat permanently…”

Jimin just laughs, almost manically, before blowing you a kiss and, running up the stairs so fast that it makes your head spin.  

“Can you really do that?” You turn your attention towards Yoongi who is currently shaking his head at Jimin’s antics.

He turns to you, with a smirk on his mouth, “I can do whatever I want.”

“Ugh ok…” You wince at how arrogant he is before a bit of nerves settle into the pit of your stomach. “Be careful alright?”

Yoongi feels a tug at his heart but as usual, he ignores it and, chooses to shake his head, “I’ll be fine Y/N. Make sure you’re resting…”

With that, he leaves you alone in the den, closing the door briskly behind him. A sigh comes careening past your lips as you flop back onto the couch.  

There is a bit of regret creeping into the deepest part of your gut. You had been begging Yoongi for the truth ever since you stepped foot into his cottage but, now that you know, you’re plagued with an entirely different issue.  

Along with a major reality crisis, you’re also dealing with the urge to solve the mystery behind the Nahbbun. Whilst Yoongi did an excellent job at explaining the mechanisms of the universe, he didn’t really go into detail regarding his conquest to destroy the seemingly demonic creatures in the forest.

More than anything, you want to understand how someone as powerful as Yoongi still hasn’t managed to defeat, what is honestly, the waste product from a bad spell.  

These creatures aren’t powerful enough to withstand Yoongi’s spells and, yet they continue thriving. Taking lives, instilling fear, wiping out smaller ecosystems within the forest…it didn’t make any sense.

Yoongi did say that the spell the sorcerer performed is so powerful that one should refrain from saying its name, maybe it really is that damaging.

Just then, a noise sounds behind you, yanking you out of your subconscious. Upon whipping your head around, you spot an object laying in the middle of wooden floor.  

Eyeing it wearily, you decide that inspecting said object poses no real threat so, quickly and carefully, you tip toe over to the source of the noise.  

As you approach it, your heart accelerates in your chest before, feeling rather silly as you discover the fact that it’s only one of Yoongi’s many books.  

Although, you aren’t quite sure how it managed to fall off of the shelf, completely undisturbed...

It's what you’d expect, old, worn, bound with leather- however, as you look closer you’re met with a title that intrigues you:

“Territory for the Mad...” You whisper out loud to no one and, at the drop of the final syllable you practically jump out of your skin when you hear a door slam behind you.

The sound is menacing on its own but, coupled with Jimin’s maniacal giggle, its enough to make your blood run cold.

And just like that, the small sense of security you had managed to gain is ripped away from you.  

Because if Jimin’s upstairs and, you’re in the living room...

Who the hell just came in through the back door?

[ladyofmaidensandwine]

Blood and Blade

Part Two of the All’s Not Fair in Love and War Series

For the Pick Two Challenge by @justagirlinafandomworld​

This is part two of an ongoing series I am writing. If you would like to be tagged, let me know.

Prompts:  Enemies to Lovers AU, and the dialogue “If you touch him/her/them, I’ll kill you.”

Characters: Dean Winchester, Fem! Irish! Reader, John Winchester, Crowley, Lucifer (mentioned), Charlie Bradbury, Sam Winchester

Wordcount: 2,602

Summary: Confronted by an unexpected face from your past, Dean demands the truth. An unlikely alliance is formed in the face of certain death, and unexpected secrets will be revealed.

Series Masterlist

            “Tell me everything, Y/N. Tell me the truth. Who are you really?” Dean demanded. You studied his emerald green eyes, measured their intensity, and gave a slow nod. “Fergus McLeod killed my parents when I was but a babe, and then slammed me into Hell as a punishment for inciting rebellion.” Dean frowned as you skirted past his question, but didn’t let his hard expression falter. “Why are you here?” Dean asked. “Not because of the King, not because of the labor camp, nor due to the contract. Why are you really here?” He added. You paled slightly. You had thought your carefully crafted exterior hid your ulterior motives, but somehow, this sharp-eyed, stubborn, and charming Prince had seen right through you. He knew. He knew the truth, he wanted to hear you say it. You set your shoulders back and raised your chin a notch, face a mask of unfeeling coldness, eyes as hard as diamonds. “I’m here to-”

                  You stopped, brows furrowed, a hand instinctively moving to your hip, grazing the thick grey cloth of your skirts. Dean’s head snapped to the door, neither of you daring to so much as breathe. You made eye contact, and a look of understanding passed between the two of you. Silence fell thickly outside the door to Dean’s private chambers, the shadow of someone’s boots pooling in the polished marble floors.

          The door slammed open, the force sending the finely crafted wood flying in splinters, and you had no time to think, only to act. Weapon, you needed a weapon- your hands lunged blindly and you felt the solid and heavy weight of an ornate candelabra in your hand. Two men, both stocky, rushed into the room where Dean had already drawn his sword, but one look at the abysmally dark pits that were their eyes, you knew a single blade would not help you. The closest to you moved fast, but you were faster. Even after the time you’d been imprisoned, your honed reflexes were still as reliable as they’d always been, and you moved in a blur of gleaming metal and dove grey lace. You swept his feet from under him, and before he had the chance to react, used his momentum to send him soaring over your shoulder, slamming him into the ground, and bashing the candlestick into his skull. 

            Dean turned to you, eyes wide in shock and surprise. You panted slightly, and he unsheathed a pair of daggers from his belt. He was silent, face impassive as he offered them to you, but you understood his bargain. The olive branch had been extended in the form of deadly blades and an agreement to have one another’s backs. “Demons. We must act quickly. There are hidden tunnels beneath us, are there not?” You asked hurriedly, though your tone was calm, voice unwavering. “Yes. I won’t ask how you know that.” He frowned. “Gather as many people as you can, and get them out.” You said firmly. “And leave you? To do what, exactly?” Dean scoffed. “Now is not the time to quarrel. I can hold my own, Your Majesty.” You said, curtsying mockingly as Dean rolled his eyes. “As you wish.” He sneered. You twirled the daggers deftly between your fingers, and as you looked at Dean, he saw a sort of bloodthirsty fire there, and simply nodded his head. You let a smirk spread over your lips, and allowed the predator within to show. A wolf stalked the palace, a wolf in a woman’s body, fangs of iron, heart of stone.

             Somewhere in the chaos, Dean connected with his younger brother, the two Princes fending off demons as they hurried people into the hidden entrance of the tunnels. Charlie, Captain of the Royal Guard, had ordered her forces to only attack you as self-defense, understanding that a shaky alliance had been forged against a mutual enemy. You, however, were nowhere to be seen, no sign of your existence save for the trail of bodies left in your wake.

            Silent. You were so silent, it was eerie, appearing from the shadows with a determined swiftness, so efficient that by the time anyone knew you were there, there was a knife buried to the hilt in their chest. You moved methodically, choosing corridors and halls with plenty of places to hide and a good vantage point, sometimes stalking your quarry with the unnerving, preternatural stillness and patience of a predator, hunting them down, and offering no mercy except that of a quick death. Morrigan, Queen of Thieves, Lady of Death, all names well-earned. You made killing an art, but not out of enjoyment. There was more there, a glimpse of sympathy hiding behind an eternally angry fire and cold eyes, more than vengeance in that dangerous smirk. So carefully hidden, this vulnerable human side of you, the part that could vomit at the sight of the carnage you caused, the part that wept and sobbed upon waking from a nightmare in which you were haunted by the faces of those you’ve loved and lost, and those you’d looked in the eye as they died at your hands. Steady, those hands, so firm and certain as they held a silvery blade. The demons within you were not the kind that could be exorcised.

                    You disappeared into the gloom of the tunnels, nothing but the weak and quickly dying light of the occasional torch to guide you, but you knew where you were going. You had never needed sight to find your way, as sure of your directions as anyone with a map could ever be. You were nearly stabbed as a member of the guard struck out at you, unable to discern your figure from a possible threat, leaning away and deflecting the blow with the dagger Dean lent you.

           “If you would refrain from decapitating me, I would be most gracious.” You said dryly, thoroughly unimpressed by the guards. “At ease.” Dean called, shouldering his way past the soldiers towards you. He was silent for a moment, surveying you with a critical gaze, searching for obvious injuries, of which you sported few. “How many?” He questioned. You shrugged. “Too many to count. The rest of your men can handle it now. The surprise of the attack caught them off-guard, but the numbers can be managed.” You reported, scanning the crowd of faces behind Dean. He nodded with a sigh, jaw set. Crown Prince he may be, but he was a warrior too, one that would rather die alongside his fellow soldiers than run with the civilians. You understood how he felt. Once, you had made a similar decision. The bandolier of knives slung over chest gleamed faintly in the firelight, one hand resting almost casually on the hilt of his sword. “We should keep moving. The palace is not safe, and your father was already escorted away.” You suggested, slipping behind Dean and to the front of the group. “I understand you do not trust me, but as of now, I am your ally. I hate Crowley and all he stands for, as well as those with him, far more than I hate the good King of Lawrence.” You said clearly. Dean’s lips curled into a small smirk, nodding. “You must truly hate Crowley, then.” Charlie spoke up. You snorted a laugh. “You haven’t the slightest.”

                      Dean watched you carefully. He was slightly behind you, placing himself between you and the others as an instinct. His emerald eyes were calculating, studying you. Blood smeared on your cheek, just slightly darker than the red of your lipstick. You’d cut through your skirts, leaving them above the knee for mobility, and your hair was mussed, small scratches and cuts scattered over your arms and legs. You looked a mess, and yet your eyes were clear, sharper and with more focus than he’d seen them before, body relaxed, but ready for action in an instant. You were in your element, adrenaline coursing through your veins, fingers still spinning those perfectly balanced daggers skillfully, the color of blood that was, he realized, not yours enhancing your eyes. His fathers words rang through his head. “Murder, son. Many, many counts of murder...”

               Dawn had arrived, the deeper indigos and rich blue-black of the night sky slowly replaced by subtle grey and soft rosy pink. A few lone stars hung glittering above the horizon, the full moon illuminating the rolling hills enough for them to see the bulky and stocky shape of the stronghold they were headed towards. Neither you, nor Dean, had let go of your weapons, waiting for the next attack as the civilians wearily trudged onwards. “How much farther?” You asked quietly. “Perhaps half a kilometre.” Dean answered, noting your frown. “What is it?” He queried. “Is it not strange that they would willingly allow both Princes to so easily escape? Something about this does not bode well.” You said seriously, exchanging an uneasy look with Dean. “I know. The best I can hope for is that the guards can get the people to safety.” Dean sighed, expression taut. So much responsibility, such a heavy weight. The gold of his crown reflected in the moonlight, and you wondered if he felt the burden of his entire kingdom resting upon his brow each time he wore it. “Then let us make haste, Your Majesty.” You gestured, flashing him a crooked grin. “I hate when you call me that.” Dean muttered blankly, but you caught the twitch of his lips as he fought a smile. “Crown Prince Dean, loathing his title. Next I’ll discover you don’t bathe in gold coins and rubies as large as a bird’s egg.” You snickered. That one got you a laugh, your eyes smug and smile triumphant.

              Close enough to see the flag flying atop the turrets of the stronghold, the urgency kicked in as the civilians were rushed towards the prospect of safety. You counted the steps left to take in your head. 1,000 steps away, an arrow pierced through the gap in a soldier’s metal armor. The people screamed, and Prince Sam quickly tried to regain control whilst you and Dean readied yourselves for battle. Charlie called out orders to hold the defensive line and to keep moving, but more arrows fell from the sky like rain, most bouncing off shields, but some wounding or killing both soldier and civilian. Dean’s expression shifted in an instant, and gone was the cocky grin, the cool amusement, replaced by cold steel and green eyes lit from within by an angry, righteous flame.

               The pair of you were efficient, Dean’s sword and your knives doing serious damage as the archers abandoned their bows and charged your group. He shielded you when he could, and you made quick work of would-be assailants attempting to take the Crown Prince by surprise. Something in the dynamic between you shifted, there on the battlefield, both spattered with blood and streaked with dirt, that former uneasy and hesitant trust replaced as you became strong defenders and fearsome allies. The Prince and the Assassin, Defenders of the Crown. You could laugh at the thought, and for a moment, the long-dormant place inside you that had once been alive in vivid colours created a mental image, two figures side-by-side, one in gleaming golden tones, the other a silhouette in silver, a brief flicker of something you’d paint if it had been long ago.

            Cresting the hilltop against the bronze of the rising sun, the King’s vast army rode on sure-footed steeds, armor a bright and shining wave of silver and gold to change the tide of the battle. Dean met your eyes, sharing in the sense of impending victory, before he cleaved a demon in half with one stroke of his sword, your own daggers finding their way into the throat and gut of two more. Sam had been flanked by the King’s soldiers, the common people and nobility rescued and ushered towards the stronghold. You and Dean remained, a lethal pair, carving a path through the attackers with both blood and blade, never ceasing even as you took a heavy mace to the shoulder, and Dean was stabbed in the thigh. There would be no retreat, from either side, but a few more cowardly individuals recognized the impending loss and fled, the numbers dwindling into something more manageable. By the time the sky burned red and blazing orange, clouds tinged pink and gold, the fields were littered with corpses both human and Other, the survivors being taken forcibly into custody. Again, the Crown Prince met your eyes, and nodded a solemn thanks, to which you gave a crooked smile and mocking bow. It would seem the unlikely alliance would survive another day.

               Dean refused to leave to be treated until you were also seen to, a handmaiden sighing exasperatedly and finally escorting you towards a private room which connected to Dean’s own chambers. The bustle of people distracted you from the pain of your various injuries, eyes taking in all the exits and cataloguing every twist and turn, memorizing faces. Another skill you could never forget, ingrained deeply in your instincts.

          “I can take care of these myself.” You insisted to a nurse as she tried to inspect a cut over your shoulder. “Let her assist you, Y/N.” Dean said sternly. meeting your eyes with furrowed brows. You sighed and rolled your eyes, but ceased you protests. Dean was made to leave and you were scrubbed and then dressed in night attire which smelled suspiciously of Dean’s earthy cologne, but was in any case a better alternative to another ridiculous dress. 

             “Your cover is blown, you realize.” Dean said. He stepped into your room, looking less like the future King, and more like a man. An exceedingly handsome man, you admitted. “I suppose now your father will kill me.” You replied, lifting your chin slightly. “He will wish to, but he can’t. You’re under my jurisdiction, Y/N.” Dean smirked, leaning against the door frame with his hands tucked into his pockets as you stilled on the bed. “Am I to take this as you saying you don’t wish to kill me, Your Majesty?” You blinked slowly, expression betraying your confusion. “I- I may have judged you too harshly. In any case, you fought by my side, risked your life, cover, and safety to protect my people. You deserve to be hailed as a hero, not a criminal.” Dean said seriously, inspecting you closely to gauge your reactions. He frowned when you let out a loud laugh. “You’re not jesting? This is serious?” You asked incredulously. “Your Majesty, I will always be a killer, no matter what you now wish to call me. You will be making many people very angry if you stand for me against your father.” You pointed out. Dean smirked again, shrugging. “Old bastard has it coming. I am not the same man as my father, Y/N, and you are not your reputation. I don’t need to know the details of your past, nor your identity. You could have killed me at least a dozen different times this night, and many others. I trust you.” Dean stared you down, not allowing you to escape the sincere intensity of his deep pine eyes. “You’re mad.” You stated. “Perhaps.” He grinned back. “Well, then. To the death of all reason, Your Majesty.” You toasted, raising a crystal glass of wine in his direction. “I’ll drink to that. It’s Dean. Just Dean.” He said firmly. “As you wish, Crown Prince Just Dean.” This time, you both laughed.

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